#but. for example: a person said how they work at a homeless shelter and how a friend said they disagreed because shelters will exclude ppl

[mx-paint]

.

[ljh-writing-blog]

Batmom #1

     The first time you encountered the Batman, who you would later know as Bruce Wayne and your husband, is a day you would never forget.  Gotham’s Dark Knight had rescued you from a life of villainy and crime, your personal hero. It was the start of something beautiful you always said, although your relationship was anything but smooth in the beginning.

Past 

    You were a test subject of Jonathon Crane, he wanted to use fear toxin and psychological torture to awaken meta-genes in ordinary humans and you happened to be his most promising subject at the time. You remember volunteering for the program, they had framed it as test-trials for a new drug meant to strengthen immune systems and increase quality of life in exchange for a hefty payment dependent on how long you stayed in the program. After two years living in shitty motels and alleys you jumped on the offer. Anything was better than petty theft, eating from garbage cans, and sleeping in corrupt homeless shelters.

     Living in Gotham wasn’t kind, after your apartment and all your belongings had been destroyed when the Joker decided to go on a bombing spree you had no choice but to turn to the streets at 20 years old. Gotham’s Mayor and city officials had promised their citizens they would be rehomed and cared for, in reality the displaced apartment renters received a check for a hundred dollars worth of groceries and a two day stay at any hotel in the city. You gave your hotel and grocery voucher to your neighbor with two small children and an elderly mother to care for, she needed it more than you by far. Recuperating after that was nearly impossible. Anyone who said homeless people should just get a job was a damn fool, it wasn’t nearly as easy as it seemed when nice clothing and access to a shower was in scarce supply. The city had failed it’s people and it wouldn’t be the first time it failed Y/N. 

     In the beginning there was sixteen of you, an even split between the men and women. Some of them you recognized, like the two girls who worked the corner of your “street” night and day. There was a third usually with them but she had been murdered two weeks ago. The cops suspected an overdose but the streets knew, they talked and whispered in the night. She had been killed by a client, dumped in the alley that Y/N usually stayed in. That night had been awful, she had been the one to inform them of their friend’s death. She assumed her death had been a wake up call for the women, it had been for herself. She needed to get off the streets before she was just a girl in an alley, taken advantage of and left for dead. There was a few homeless men you recognize from nights spent around dumpster fires and sharing the days spoils. The rest were strangers and she found herself wondering what circumstances had brought them all together. 

     All the volunteers met at Gotham City Mall where you were given new clothes and bussed to a second location, halfway through your bus ride you were all instructed to put a blindfold on. A black cut of cloth had been given to each person, many of you were confused. Why couldn’t you see where you were going? You spoke up as several exchanged looks of fear, “Why can’t we see where we’re going? What’s going on?” You voiced the concerns easily felt throughout the bus, weary of the answer you would receive. What had you gotten yourself into? “The facility we’re going to is a top secret government owned building. This is standard precaution for any non personnel visiting the building.” A man towards the front answered, easing many fears. Not yours though, something felt wrong, you felt this man was lying. 

     Still, you led by example and put your blindfold on. When you had arrived and been shuffled into the building, your blindfolds being taken off, you were met with a stark white room. A scientist began speaking to you, explaining the trials you’d be going through and how you were to be separated. There would be one man and woman to a room, though when you were shown your “rooms” they looked much like a prison cell. They explained they wanted to study their, each man and woman’s, reactions to the opposite sex as they did their research. You started to  become suspicious as this was explained to you. Why would they need to study your reaction to other patients? You were supposed to be in trials for drugs related to strengthening the immune system, that should have nothing to do with other patients. In your head it made more sense for them to isolate all of you, what was going on? What was she about to be subjected to do? And worse, this had all been her doing. 

In the end, you were the only test subject to have survived the “trials” and torture. The trials, you had never been able to refer to your time in the facility as anything but torture and abuse. The scientists always else referred to them as trials, as if giving them any other name would make what they were doing even more sadistic and cruel. Subjecting you to different drugs like LSD, cocaine, Haloperidol, methamphetamines, and truth serum to expose your fears and use them against you. Sleep deprivation was one of their favorite forms of torture, it not only produced natural hallucinations but with the added fear toxin your hallucinations increased tenfold. After developing a dependency to certain drugs they forced you to consume they began to use withdrawal as a form of torture. 

     Your stay in the facility lasted three years, one year after your torture began your metagene that had previously lay dormant was activated. The scientists hypothesized that because of your mania and emotional displacement along with the fear toxin your metagene was influenced in a way that allowed you to manipulate the mind and the emotion fear. You felt all emotions but fear was much prominent, fear was the easiest to manipulate. Once your abilities manifested they began the brain washing. They knew you would never willingly submit to their commands with how much they had awakened your abilities so they began the brain washing. It was another year of  pharmacological torture before they were successful, you willingly began to do missions for Crane and his friends. You believed he had saved you from the streets and given you extraordinary powers, he had saved your life. Your third year stuck with Crane you commited crimes in the name of several villains, Jonathon gave you the alias the Scarlet Witch. Your powers manifested physically as a red energy, it behaved like a fog in a way: clouding the minds of your victims, manipulating their actions, and bringing their worst fears to the surface. 

     At 23 years old you were just a missing person’s report, a face lost to crime and a failing, corrupt police force. That was until Batman caught you, you were usually gone by the time he arrived to stop you. But this time you had faltered, you swore you recognized the faces you had been forced to mar with a bullet to the forehead. They had tried to speak to you before you killed them, to beg for their lives. But this was your mission, they were your mission. That had been the last mission you ever did for Jonathon Crane, the Batman took you into his custody that night. He delivered you to the Justice League. There you stayed while the League tried to find any information on how you had become this but all they had was a missing person’s report. 

     There they monitored your health and watched you go through withdrawal. It took Bruce three months to find the files that told the demise of Y/F/N Y/L/N. In that time you were diagnosed with a heart arrhythmia from the extended drug use you were subjected to. You gained weight, not so sickly looking anymore. You bonded with Diana, she was one of the few people who didn’t hide their faces from your. Somehow it made you feel more human, while you didn’t trust these people she trusted you enough to see the real her. You hadn’t been around someone so genuine in a long time. It took a year of physical and mental therapy for you to begin unlearning what had been brainwashed into you. In that time you grew closer to Batman. Somehow it seemed he understood what it was like to be unmade and made into something darker. That was the rough start to the beginning of your relationship. 

Present

You never expected to live the life you live now, a life in a mansion with too many kids to count and a husband who loves you unconditionally. A life with friends who she could rely on, some superpowered and some not. A butler who may as well be her father, oh how her young self would scoff at the idea of her life now. Bruce Wayne had given you so much and you only hoped one day you would repay the debt you owed him.

A/N: This is probably absolute shit but this is my idea for Batmom.Rn I’m just setting up backstory. I’ve always loved the idea of Scarlet Witch in the DCU because there’s so much backstory you could put in there. She (you) are still from Sokovia, her immigrant background is going to help tie in with Dick/Damian identity struggles. I also really wanted to do something with fear toxin because I feel Scarecrow is such an underrated villain. So here we have it, enjoy or don’t. I’d really appreciate feedback whether that’s likes/comments/reblogs. Thank you <3 

[vaspider]

Hey, sending this off anon so you can answer privately if you wish. I'm really confused about the difference between being anti-Zionist and pro-Palestine. I've been using both interchangeably for myself, but apparently that's incorrect? I don't know who else to ask.

So... I haven't had anon on in like 12 years, I don't do private answers, and I don't talk about I/P online.

But let's talk about a different issue instead. Let's talk about reproductive rights instead, as a means of just talking about why being anti-Thing1 doesn't mean you're pro-Thing2.

(I swear to fuck if anyone comes onto this post and tries to say I made some sort of direct weird parallel between Israel and either of the examples below to try to 'prove' something about me or drag me into stuff I have said I don't talk about, I will yeet them into the fucking sun. The purpose of these examples is solely to use easily-understood references to explain how you can be anti-Thing1 without being pro-Thing2.)

If someone is anti-abortion, that doesn't mean they're pro-parenting or pro-baby. It's about where their focus is, right? Lots of people are just like 'well, we don't think abortions should exist. There should be no abortions.' Well, great. But what's your plan for the people who are pregnant and don't want to be? They're not going to stop existing just because you think abortions shouldn't exist.

But a lot of people who are anti-abortion don't have plans for that. All they have is a firm belief that abortions shouldn't exist. No one should need them, no one should want them, no one has a right to them. All other concerns go by the wayside.

Or the people who live around me who want homeless people off the streets, but have no plan for how to get people off the streets. They just say 'well, there shouldn't be any homeless people on the streets of Portland,' but their answer is fines and jail time. (This is a real thing happening where I live, btw. Fines for daytime camping, as if that's going to help people get off the streets. Now they have a fine they also can't pay with all of the money they don't have.) These people have no plans for affordable housing, they feel like it's perfectly acceptable to define someone as 'turning down' shelter even if that shelter requires you to be inside by 9 PM and the unhoused person doesn't don't get out of work until 11 PM. Their focus isn't on the positive thing -- people obtaining housing security -- it's on the thing they think shouldn't be happening: unhoused people where they have to see them/be inconvenienced by them.

You can be anti-abortion without being even remotely pro-parent or pro-baby. You can be anti-homelessness without being pro-housing security. It's all about what your actual focus is.

In this case, the question you have to ask yourself is: is it more important to me that to be anti-Zionist or to be pro-Palestine? I can't answer that question for you, because, like I said, I don't talk about I/P at all online, and -- more importantly -- it's going to completely depend on how you, personally, define Zionism, let alone anti-Zionism, and how you, personally, define being pro-Palestine.

You're gonna have to wrestle that one out on your own.

[acidglue234]

The Teacher Becomes the Student

one of the many things that i love about Avatrice is Bea’s mentoring of Ava, specifically her ability to change tactics mid-training and how that change contributed to them connecting on an emotional level.

for instance, Beatrice might seem a bit cold or detached sometimes…

…but of course it’s going to come off that way compared to Ava’s upbeat and happy go-lucky personality.

they’re polar opposites in terms of their outward expression. but what i appreciate about Beatrice as a mentor is that, because Ava is so much different from her, Bea constantly works to find new and fresh ways to mentor her throughout their journey.

one of the key moments is when Beatrice reads the story about the lesbian nun to Ava. Bea obviously knows what the story is about when she tells it, including its double relevance; it’s a lesson for Ava, sure, but this breakthrough moment was more about Beatrice. you can see she’s nervous when she reveals to Ava that the warrior nun in the story is a lesbian. but i don’t think Bea’s voice shakes because she’s nervous about telling Ava; i think she’s more nervous about admitting it to herself.

Beatrice speaking her truth aloud and then pushing forward by telling Ava about her struggles is her breaking through her own personal pain.

after wiping her tears away, Beatrice tells Ava that now it’s her turn. i’m sure Beatrice caught on that Ava has a knack for running away from scary situations, so when Beatrice has a chance to mentor Ava, instead of yelling at her or scaring her (like Lilith and Mother Superion), Beatrice opens up about herself in an attempt to connect with Ava. all Ava wants is connection, something Beatrice picks up on very early, but Beatrice isn’t going to ask Ava to do something that she herself is unable to do.

as a mentor, not only is Beatrice leading by example, but she is connecting with Ava by meeting her halfway and allowing herself to open up as a way to show Ava that they’re in this together.

and when Bea opens up, Ava dives in, as only Ava can: heart first.

from the very first time they meet to the very last moment, Ava slowly peels back Bea’s many layers and then just tears them to shreds. the thing is, despite her bluntness and cool demeanor, Beatrice strikes me as a very kindhearted and compassionate person. i imagine she remembers birthdays and loves kids and volunteers at homeless shelters. like top tier saint. but i feel like it’s all very understated and composed. “contained,” like that woman, who was flirting with Bea, said. but Ava makes it hard for Bea to stay contained. from swapping puns, to cheek kisses, to dancing drunk in a Swiss bar, Ava totally breaks Bea wide open.

and in letting Ava in, Bea goes from sacrificing her life because of shame, to living her life because of love.

[cursedvibes]

If JJK characters were in Non- Curse world, what would their job be if not become Jujutsu Sorcerer (in your opinion)? Why? Please pick your top 5 fav characters...

Kenjaku

Well, according to canon Kenjaku's true calling is being a comedian and specifically part of a owarai duo. I think in a No Curse AU they still would need a vehicle to live out the STEM side of their interests though and that would also be what they first approach as career. Going on stage with Takaba would be more of a side-hussle. I'd say their main occupation is being a research scientist in obstetrics. Their fascinated by the human reproductive system and want to push research in that area, but they aren't that interested in actually caring for patients, they're just doing it to satisfy their own curiosity.

Yuuji

Gege said he'd probably be a firefighter if he didn't become a sorcerer and I think that fits. If not that, I definitely think he'd be involved in any kind of disaster response force (helping after earthquakes, tsunamis or sheltering homeless people and refugees). Something where he can directly interact with people, so he can see that he is actually making a difference. He also likes to be personally involved, so while desk work can't be avoided, he prefers to be on the ground. Doesn't have to be solely in Japan either, he'd have no problem going overseas, since he has very few ties that hold him in one place. He'd go wherever he's needed most.

Tengen

Not much different from canon I think. Cult leader and/or a hermit in the mountains. Although I can see some alternatives too where she interacts a bit more with people similar to the Heian times. Like for example being in academia and publishing in biology with maybe a focus on genetics. She teaches from time to time, but tries to avoid it and only brings out a book from time to time, which signifies to others that she's actually still alive. Alternatively, to match Kenjaku's interest in comedy, I could see her as a rakugo master, being very dedicated to pass on the old stories and has a very conservative view on how they should be told with not too many deviations or altered interpretations from what she sees as the source material. Kenjaku used to be her student before they broke away and decided to pursue manzai instead.

Uraume

Chef obviously. They have the right attitude to create breathtaking meals, but are also an absolute nightmare in the kitchen. They have very high standards and anyone who can't keep up gets fired. Their speciality are meat dishes and there are a few controversies surrounding them concerning how ethically sourced their ingredients are.

Angel

Cult leader. If not that then politician and she would like to treat the party she's a part of as her cult. She's controversial for her radical approach to problems and thinks the government should be allowed to overstep or stretch some laws she personally doesn't agree with. Strong defender of the death penalty, she thinks it should actually become a more common punishment again.

[eva-reviews]

What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher -- A review

Trigger Warnings: Death, murder, gore, mentions of war, mentions of suicide, anxiety, mentions of amputation, misogyny, misgendering, animal dissection, fire. 

My Rating 

9/10 I really liked this book; I have been trying to get back into horror books, and I have to say, this is a really good horror book. I loved how Kingfisher was able to make the grotesque gore sound so beautiful. However, there were a lot of sidenotes which did make things slightly confusing. It was all very interesting, but it did take away from the story every once in a while.

Overview

Alex Easton is a Lieutenant from Gallicia when they get a letter from their childhood friend, Madeline, that she is dying. When they get there they are greeted by hares that don't move correctly, a glowing pond, and a falling-apart manor. There are fungi everywhere, and a strange woman, Ms Potter, a very intelligent mycologist is enamoured by all of it. Madeline sleepwalks and talks in a strange voice and Roddrick is so anxious he jumps at the opening of a door, and the American doctor, Derrick, who is just as clueless as the rest of them. 

My Thoughts 

What Moves the Dead is based on The Fallen House of Usher by Edgar Allen Poe, for the most part, it is a reimagining of Poe’s story. Kingfisher expands on Madiline's illness and she really gives us a lot more detail into the story itself. I loved how this book has undertones of feminism, Ms. Potter talks about the mycology institute and how they won't let her in because of her sex, and how she is going to make such a big discovery that they won't be able to disregard her. Alex Easton agrees with her and supports her fight to be recognized. 

What I loved most about this book, was the use and understanding of pronouns and gender. Easton and the Ushers are all from Gallicia, where they do not use the traditional, he/him, she/her, and they/them pronouns. In Gallicia they use, ta, tha, tan, than for he, she, his, and hers. These are used for adults, and there are more that are used for children being va, van and for priests and nuns they use var. If you were to use va on an adult they would take great offence, and ta on a child and people would think you are a pedophile. There is also a set of pronouns for God and rocks. Lastly, there is a new set of pronouns for soldiers, which has no link to the gender binary, ka and kan, it is extremely rude to use ta on them and it might get you punched. This also means, that due to the new pronouns, gender is no longer applicable. Thus, when a woman became a soldier they could not turn her away, because the laws said that she was now ka, therefore, she was allowed in the military. This brought about “Sworn in Soldiers”, which is what Alex Easton is. Ka is not a woman nor a man, Ka is Ka or in English They. 

This book takes place in 1890, so this is much before the acceptance of queer people. For example, if we look into the UK around this time, in 1885 there was a law against queer people and thus against trans poeple. Also, in 1889, a woman named Mary Mudge died in a workhouse (basiclly a homeless shelter today, but they have to work and many people died. It was a horrible place to be) Mudge passed as a woman her whole life, until her bith sex was revealed during her  postmortem examination. Although trans people and the nonbinary have existed for the entirety of the existence of human kind, they were not widely accepted. It is so interesting to see Easton live as a nonbinary person in an alternet reality, and to see kan be accepted and to see how other interact with kan. 

The eding of the book was crazy. It all of a sudden changed, the pace completely changed and it really became a horror book. They do a dissection of a hare and… that was so creepy. I never expected it to change so drastically. I knew there was something inhuman about Madiline, but what it was so something so unlike what I could have thought it would be.  

Conclusion

This book was so good, I finished it in 3 hours and the entire time I was enraptured by the story. I was on the edge of my seat. Ms. Potter was such an amazing character, I loved every time she was present. The entirety of this book I felt as though I was there. Kingfisher is such a good writer, she really knows how to balance the creepy with the beautiful imagery of the mushrooms and the decaying bodies of the hares. If you are new to horror, this is such a good book to start with, and if you are an avid horror reader, this really has some of the most beautiful imagery. Even the cover is gorgeous. I definitely recommend this, although, not to the squeamish or faint of heart. 

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

It’s annoying how misunderstood Evan is. I think he is one of the most misunderstood celebrities today. People that aren’t fans have so many preconceived notions about him based on the characters he’s played or misinformation about him. For example people thinking that he method acts like Jared Leto or that he really stayed in character for months off of set or that he is/aspires to be like the dark characters he’s played. When in reality Evan just kept to himself and didn’t bother anyone on set, everyone that worked with him said he was nice and respectful, he just kept physical attributes going like his accent and gait because it’s difficult to go in and out of. Rather than actually listening to Evan as to why he wanted to be a part of the series, people just project and make up dark, ulterior reasons as to why he wanted to join. Then there’s people’s assumptions about him based on the rt even thought it was an accident and Evan has spoken up about racial inequality and other social justice issues before. He’s just not as outspoken or honestly as performative as other celebrities. I mean like he went and volunteered at a homeless shelter for youth just out of his own volition and we wouldn’t have even known that if that person didn’t send a blind about it to Deuxmoi. And don’t even get me started on the Emma situation. I just don’t understand why some people group him with or treat him like other celebrities who have actually done really messed up stuff, like bringing physical harm to others, when he has never ever done anything close to that. By all accounts he’s just a really down to earth nice person.

very well said, and i completely agree. so many people have ran with exaggerated and outright false information and used it to create this made up version of evan in their heads, and it’s FAR from who he actually is. the fact he is lowkey, off social media and doesn’t extend all this energy trying to craft a particular image or even defend himself adds to the problem in these peoples eyes, who desire and even demand that celebrities pander to them, their concept of wokeness and performative behavior. it’s exhausting.

[mytubetv]

THE FUTURE OF: S1E1 Governor Ben Kelly of Florida.

S1E1: Governor Ben Kelly

Interviewer: First how are you doing?

Bk:I’m doing good.. thanks for asking

I: Now tell us about Ben Kelly, the Ben Kelly before becoming Governor. What was he like?

BK: Before I became Governor of Florida, I served as a Vice City Criminal Court Judge dealing with a lot of violent criminals and thugs.

I: What did you learn most about being a judge, and what was your toughest challenge as a judge?

Bk: My toughest challenge as a judge is I didn’t wanna send innocent peoples to jail so I had to make sure I was on my feet and keeping myself in the cases.

I:What are your hobbies Governor? What do you do in your free time?

Bk: I like to be with my family and spending family time.. I also like golfing at times

I: Tell us more about the Kelly’s! how many Kelly’s are there?

Bk: It’s 5 of us.. my wife Anna, our 3 daughters Lisa, Katie, Jenny and than our son Jack

I: Lovely, now about your wife Anna I think the people of Florida would love to know about Anna Kelly! How is she, and what can you tell us about her?

Bk: Well I’m sure they do and they will meet soon but my Wife is not a political person. She likes to stay out of the spotlight but she’s a travel nurse and travels around the country.

I: Lovely to hear! Now that Florida has a First Lady will there be any First pets?

Bk: Maybe in the future but we just lost our family Dog Sammy a month ago so our family is still grieving.

I: Earlier The Liberty Post had posted an article saying you unveiled a new legislation aimed at preventing illegal immigration, can you go more into that legislation and the plan to enforce said Legislation, Mr. Governor?

BK:No I cannot at the moment BUT I can say that this new legislation will help keep immigrants out of the state of Florida

I: What is it about Tiffany Haywood that made you want to appoint her as LT governor?

Bk: Tiffany has what it takes to help me lead the state. She’s smart, very intelligent and her past job she was the CEO over schools in Vice City. She’s also good at politics and like me, she’s a conservative

I: What would you say your relationship is like with President Miller?

Bk: I consider Cosmic a very good friend and a even better politician! I endorsed him in his presidential campaign and he also endorsed me in the Florida Governor election

I: Good to hear. Governor Kelly yesterday you posted a plan for your first 20 days in office? Those plans included:

• Give every LEO officer a raise

• Cut taxes for unnecessary programs

• Start building up a new homeless shelter

• Work to protect Businesses in our state

What would make a program unnecessary?

Anything that don’t do what it was made to do. Programs let’s say for example… a city mayor creates a homeless program but it doesn’t succeed and homelessness is still up that’s an unnecessary program taking tax payers dollars

I: Will the programs be replaced or substituted?

Bk: I have started to replace the homeless program with my own! But I can’t get into much detail at the moment

I: You also stated that LEO officers will get a raise, but what about the Firefighters and the utility departments? Will plans for those come after the 20 day plan or will they not be included?

Bk: I will be raising the pay for all first responders sorry if that wasn’t in their but yes firefighters, paramedics as well.

I: last question

How does the future of Florida look to Governor Ben Kelly?

BK: It looks great and I can promise under my administration, Floridians are in good hands!

I: Thanks For your time Governor Ben Kelly! Also Congratulations to you and your staff on your win! Good luck and God Bless!

BK: Much appreciated Thank you as well for the interview!

[hierarchyproblem]

Yeah, one thing I elided is that there are of course limits to what any one person can do alone: if I want to use my money to send aid to Gaza, for example, there are charities that exist to facilitate that where I couldn't do it alone. It's possible that by individuals independently giving cash to rough sleepers, everyone in my city eats tonight; it's not possible that by individual uncoordinated action a shelter can be set up. So my principle doesn't generalise: I think it's good that international aid and homeless shelters exist (inasmuch as the problems they address continue to exist), so I can only take the position that I do because others continue to work in the charity sector! Kant twitches in the grave.

That said, I've also seen first-hand how, as you describe, even well-intentioned projects have to work very hard not to fall into the black hole of charity. During covid, it was frankly inspiring to see mutual aid groups spring up all across the country, delivering food and meds to people who couldn't leave the house, etc. - but most of that was dubiously "mutual" to begin with, operating by necessity along a charity model in a way that me doing the shopping for my neighbour never would; and how many of those groups even three months after their founding were anything other than charity vehicles for uni students' CVs and activist cred? In my neck of the woods it wasn't even the Labour party who strangled the life out of the project, it was the Lib Dems: everything had to be professionalised, run by the People Who Know What They're Doing, to the utter exclusion of any expression of autonomy, in what was originally set up to be simply people chipping in to help out their community.

I used to volunteer at a charity that gave out food to homeless people on the evenings. They got a lot of donations - excess stock from the amazon warehouse, that kind of thing - so they also distributed supplies to homeless shelters and womens' shelters and stuff. My job was loading and unloading the vans, sorting donations, and cleaning the big warehouse that they rented. I got on especially well with one of the other guys there; he was an old-school anarchist and a wilderness outdoors type who spent half his time living out of a tent in the middle of nowhere in Scotland, so he had stories and shit. I think he was in a kind of long-term homeless-by-choice situation; when he wasn't up in his mountains sometimes he'd squat in the warehouse and store his stuff there while he was between other accomodation. The charity was cool with that, he'd been with them for a long time and they knew the deal and they had the space.

Except one day one of the directors or whatever came down and threw his shit out onto the street and told him to be gone by the end of the day or he'd call the police. No idea what precipitated that and I never saw this guy again. Writing this out it seems insane: surely he must've done something to precipitate that? Nobody so much as suggested that at the time. I heard what had happened from one of the drivers, and he said the fucked up thing about it was that this chair of trustees (or whatever his role was) was prestigious and well-off enough he could've got any hotel in the city to put this bloke up indefinitely just by asking! But he chose to fuck up this guy's living situation as far as I could tell just to flex his property rights.

I always knew, obviously, that charity is at best a superfical treatment only of the symptoms of capitalist society, and totally orthogonal to the revolutionary change that'd be needed to actually fix the social and economic problems of this shitty society. Of course. But this is what opened my eyes to how much abuse and exploitation goes within the charity sector itself. This is the worst I've heard of, but the same principles are rife: poor conditions, long hours, ducking your workplace rights if you're "just helping out occasionally," poor pay for paid staff and volunteers treated like they're disposable. It shows too how easily a charity for homeless people can end up writing off the people they're set up to help, especially if they refuse to passively accept the little that's on offer. Not every charity has all of these problems, but a lot have at least some. And the guys at the top end up running it like a business 'cause that's how everything's expected to be run; if you've got upper-management experience that's how you see the world.

I don't volunteer there anymore and I'd think very carefully before giving any of these organisations your time or your money. There's homeless people in your area I bet - give them your cash directly and spend the time chatting with them if they like.

[kaitlynnlauryenn]

Brooo😭 my anger & distress feels like a HUGE fucking rock hanging over my head & it's just waiting to crush me.

When I feel overwhelmed like this I always come back to feeling as if my romantic relationship is what keeps this huge ass rock afloat.

It's been 3 fucking years & it still feels like hell 90% of the time.

The first year made me feel small and insignificant. My relationship with mom blew tf up. I started having huge mentally ill episodes. [for example like getting arrested] I started losing my bearings on my reality.

That same year, my mom became crazy pissed by my relationship & felt as if she had the right to decide that it was toxic & actively detrimental to my well being.

I realize that no matter how right she was in that perspective, her reaction was completely psychotic & inappropriate. SHE was definitely responsible for causing huge riffs in our relationship.

Especially because I was in the process of trying to understand my short comings & bring myself motivation to actively & productively achieve goals that were incredibly important to me.

My mother wouldn't give me space to process my realizations about my family, nor did she respond to me clearly communicating boundaries. Instead she had PTSD attack after PTSD attack & blamed me.

That being said she kicked me out. This would be during the second year of my current romantic relationship.

My very turbulent relationship.

We broke up every 6 months due to major downfalls in our communication & connection.

As a gift after being forced to leave my home, my mother left me in complete psychosis. She completely slandered my bf & left me tortured with the fear of him being an abuser & if my bf was abusive then obviously I had become abusive & mistreated my family.

Her perspective is that I "chose" to leave home when I had zero means to support myself.

I was talking to my bf @ the time she kicked me out even tho we were not together. He made sure that I was safe & not homeless. Without him like idk if I would've been able to find shelter for the last 12 months.

I stayed with a friend of his & now I'm living with his parents. Being at his parents house has made me feel so stressed. From trying to avoid any sort of deep connection or long conversations with his family to feeling trapped in his old room because leaving would mean interacting with his family.

All my shit is entangled with his shit and I am Soo fucking tired. He has put so much work & effort in making our relationship steady and stable. He is fr carrying our relationship. He's learned to push his own baggage & feelings aside so that we can communicate in the healthiest way possible.

I can see how far my communication has gotten & the clarity I've gained in order to communicate with him on the same level he communicates with me. However, the truth of the situation is I haven't been able to give him the same amount of care & support that he has given me.

I find myself lost in my own painful experience. Most of our conversations consist of him being understanding & helping me heal.

He rarely gets to confide in me for his own experience & pain. He clearly states his disconnection with me so that I can understand what he experiences in our relationship, but my experience still overshadows his.

It's gotten to the point where even when I apologize & try to communicate that I see him & I will work to change & improve my shortcomings, he no longer feels or expects for anything to change.

This is where we are in our relationship almost 3 years in.

This feels fucking awful. The hurt & pain I feel from knowing this truth & failing to consistently change this dynamic is ASTRONOMICAL.

He reassures me that he is aware of my mental state & of the trauma I am working through. I thoroughly understand that he is NOT the kind of person to participate in something he doesn't want to either.

But his perspective of our relationship & my perspective of our relationship is vastly different.

He sees our relationship as something that has been restorative & helpful in his understanding of himself. He is invested in building a life with me because he feels my perspective is insightful. He's even expressed to me that I am the only person who sees him for all of who he is & it means so much to him that I've been able to see & love all parts of him.

I see our relationship as something that has clearly shown me what I need to heal & that it's possible to be respected & cared for by someone unconditionally. [which I didn't believe existed] I have also gathered being so open & vulnerable at this stage in my life is difficult as fuuuuuckkkk.

I try to be & I want to be! He has shown me the gift of healing & connecting with another person on such a deep level, but the process of doing that has been hellish for me. When I think of how this relationship has impacted me, it's been incredibly painful, and EXHAUSTING.

It feels like the timing of our relationship was the most poignant & karmic time of my life. I've learned so much about myself in this relationship. It's also been the most difficult thing I have ever done.

At this current moment I feel burnt out & overwhelmed with worry & anger.

Whenever my bf & I successfully connect with each other, it feels so deeply rewarding & bonding to me. It gives me confidence & motivation that I truly do have the ability to make space for him & provide emotional support.

Sadly, that bonding and safety lasted such a short period of time in our relationship. Probably somewhere around 3-4 months.

All I know is that I am desperately needing to create connection with myself & learn to sooth myself so that I can release some of the stress & hypervigelence that plagues my brain & nervous system.

The longer it takes to reciprocate consideration for his emotional experience, the more I lose hope in being able to repair that part of our relationship.

On a more positive note I have finally gotten back into therapy. This makes me hopeful that I can work through more things without my bf. I want our time together to be as loving & comforting as possible. Therapy gives me a space to indulge in my feelings & experience with someone outside of me & outside of my close personal relationships.

I wanna learn to take care of myself & pour into other people healthily. It's something so precious & valuable.

[blog-4-english-class]

Alright we’re back at it again with another post about the same book! Now on chapter 37 but I’m gonna still talk about Ifemelu and her life before immediately going and talking about Obinze and his life.

Ifemelu’s Cultural Reset After Immigration

It a work in progress title but let’s begin. At the beginning of the novel, Ifemelu feels a sense of cultural dislocation and alienation in the States. She struggles to adapt to American customs and norms, and feels homesick for Nigeria. However, as she spends more time in the States, she begins to develop a hybrid cultural identity that incorporates both Nigerian and American cultural elements. And we see this after she has lived and been in America for around 15 years. One big example of a cultural split that Ifemelu faced was moving in with Aunty Uju, and Dike. When Aunty Uju tells Ifemelu not to have Dike speak more than one language “"Dike, I mechago?" Ifemelu asked."Please don't speak Igbo to him," Aunty Uju said " languages will confuse him.""What are you talking about, Aunty? We spoke two languages growing up.""This is America. It's different."Ifemelu held her tongue.” (Pg. 134) and it was shocking to her that she grew up speaking more than one language and suddenly her world was flipped and now it was seen as negative. Because it was America and speaking two languages is seen as foreign. Which is frowned upon even if its the mixing pot of the world and it’s encouraged to come to America. When you’re actually here and seen as anything but English speaking and white you’re an outcast. Even the little things like not understanding how to cook a hotdog because it’s different from sausage. These things that seemed so normal and regular that she could do all the time at home are now foreign and new. Which is causing her to shelter herself away because she’s being afraid of messing up and having her reset her whole way of thinking simply because the American way doesn’t stand for it. I

(Idk why the space is that big I can’t fix it)

Now aside from all of the depressing realities of how America makes people give up their culture and conform to its own. During Ifemelu's time in America she does in fact make some friends and they keep her in touch with her Nigerian and American roots. For example, Ifemelu's Nigerian friends introduce her to Nigerian foods, music, and fashion, which allows her to maintain a connection to her Nigerian identity while living in America. Her African-American friends introduce her to the complexities of racial identity in America and help her understand the impact of cultural norms on race relations. They keep her active and aware and they help her to realize how culture is something that builds with a person and she doesn’t need to always stick with one strict set of beliefs. For instance when her Nigerian friends sometimes pressure her to conform to Nigerian cultural practices, which can create tension between her Nigerian and American identities. Same as when Curt wants her to realize the issues with Racism in America and challenge them when she hasn’t even had the time to look back and reflect on what these issues have done to her. “The pursuit of Happyness” (2006) tells the story of a struggling salesman who is homeless with his son and has to: dress, act and behave in order to get a job. Similar to this book where it doesn’t always focus on Ifemlu’s conformity to American standards in the movie. He faces discrimination because of his race and lack on connections (very similar to Ifemelu.) all in all I think the movie and book share many similarities such as people of color feeling the need to conform to Americas own strict standards while also trying to remain out to their previous cultures.

[daveblume]

Remembering Craig

Today was something called 'Homeless Memorial Day," meant to acknowledge if not honor those who die in the streets or in the beds of hospitals, clinics or shelters. I only found this out after I had ridden over to the 405 at Roscoe and spoke with Hillary and another fellow living in a small cluttered and dirty tent on the sidewalk, who confirmed what Gracie told me last week, that Craig White had indeed passed away, months ago they said it happened. He had finally agreed to hospitalization at Valley Presbyterian Hospital, and died later in some facility on Ventura Blvd.

 Craig was a fuckup, no question, and today I won't post the worst images I have of him (legs burnt from accidentally setting his tent on fire, or totally strung out, unkempt and bedraggled). As sad as it was, and as difficult as it was, to watch his gradual decline, from a humorous former child actor to a bent-over shell of himself, ravaged by viruses and addictions, something Hillary-- who knew him for 15 years-- said as she looked straight into my eyes there on sidewalk, really hit home. Quite simply, she reminded me that he was a kind person, with a good heart. Everyone should be so lucky to have someone eulogize them that way-- many a rich man will not be so fortunate.

We had our disagreements-- how he angrily chastised me when I tried to convince him to get into an EMT vehicle a couple years ago when his open MRSA wounds were oozing and he was shaking like a leaf; then a few days later he told me to leave him alone for good, which started a separation that lasted almost a year, until we crossed paths again in friendship. More importantly, I'll remember his boy-like excitement, for example when a Good Samaritan dropped off some European biscuits, and he offered me one with the exclamation, "these are some high-end cookies!" But mostly, I'll remember how I ran into him on the sidewalk in 2017 after returning from a month in China, where I had been making presentations at various universities on the subject of American homelessness, of the work I'd created featuring Craig and the others in his vagabond "family." Seeing him walking alone down the same old sidewalks, I choked up, partly in frustration and partly in shame that while I'd been using his images and video-- in exhibitions as well-- for him nothing had really changed. Sure it was partly his own fault, for not having the wherewithal to overcome his vices, but that didn't stop me from feeling helpless and useless and every bit the voyeur I've always tried not to be. The concern on his face as he comforted me? THAT was Craig White, RIP...

[ausetkmt]

While other Canadian cities are firmly in the throes of winter, Toronto, after months of balmy weather, finally surrendered to its first snowfall on Tuesday, with more on the way. Winters are a habitual stress test on Toronto’s infrastructure, especially public transit, but also on its constellation of social services for the homeless.

Most nights in Toronto, the shelter system is full and has to turn people away.

The city, like others in Canada, has received millions in federal funding in recent years to build additional housing, and it has adopted other measures to address homelessness. But after about five years, no one can say whether any of these federally funded programs are working to reduce homelessness, because no one seems to be tracking it.

That’s the conclusion that Karen Hogan, Canada’s auditor general, reached in her latest report investigating chronic homelessness, saying that the “federal government does not know whether the efforts put forward so far have improved housing outcomes for vulnerable Canadians.”

The audit covers programs in the National Housing Strategy, which was started by the federal government in 2017, with plans to spend 78.5 billion Canadian dollars over 10 years in an effort to cut chronic homelessness by half by 2028, in part, by funding the construction of 160,000 homes.

The Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation, a government-owned company that insures house buyers’ mortgages, is leading the rollout of the national strategy.

Ms. Hogan found that the organization, and other federal departments administering the program, had spent more than 4.5 billion dollars and had not collected data on how that spending had affected levels of homelessness, nor did they view themselves as accountable for addressing chronic homelessness or hitting the plan’s targets.

“This meant that despite being a federally established target, there was minimal federal accountability for its achievement,” the report states.

Tracking homelessness can be challenging. Most municipalities rely on counts at specific times to record the number of people using a service on a particular day, according to a recent report by Canada’s national census agency.

In Toronto, about 8,200 people use shelters each night, on average, which is 1,600 more people than last year. That’s a record high for Canada’s most populous city, which has continued to add new beds across its various respite centers to address demand. Throughout 2021, the city’s shelters served 18,500 people.

[Read: The Carpenter Who Built Tiny Homes for Toronto’s Homeless]

But that system does not always offer a full picture, given the nature of homelessness. It can be cyclical; the population is mobile and transient; and not all tracking measures use the same definitions. Some people may not identify themselves as homeless, or they may be among the “hidden homeless,” or those trapped in precarious arrangements. One example is a person with no housing options on the horizon who is staying with friends.

Affordable housing became harder to find after 1993, when the federal government froze spending on social housing, a move experts saw as a turning point leading up to today’s housing crisis.

“Those chickens have come home to roost,” said John Graham, a professor of social work who leads the Kelowna Homelessness Research Collaborative at the University of British Columbia.

Professor Graham said that modern housing was now widely viewed as an investment commodity, not a human right. “It’s disgraceful that any society of our economic means should have homeless people at all,” he said.

The country has in recent years taken steps, such as the National Housing Strategy, to close the gap in affordable housing stock. But there’s still a long way to go, said Tim Richter, president of the Canadian Alliance to End Homelessness.

“The vast majority of the housing that’s been produced is not affordable to people in deepest need, which means it’s not solving homelessness,” Mr. Ritcher, who is based in Calgary, told me.

Even so, he said he was hopeful that the federal housing strategy would make a difference. “We just need to make sure to refocus and retool,” he said. “I think ending chronic homelessness in Canada is certainly achievable.”

Trans Canada

Nori Onishi, our Montreal-based correspondent, visited the boreal forests of northern Quebec, where industrial logging threatens portions of untouched land on the ancestral hunting grounds of Indigenous people. It’s one of the places where Canada is turning to Indigenous communities — through millions of dollars in conservation program funding and by ceding forest land — to further its reconciliation efforts and help meet its climate goals.

The Bay of Fundy covers about 155 kilometers between Nova Scotia and New Brunswick, and for more than a century, its powerful tide has largely stumped engineers who have tried to harness its energy to generate electricity. Ian Austen traveled to the Atlantic coast to speak to a new coalition of entrepreneurs and scientists who are trying again.

Luna Luna, a long-lost carnival featuring contemporary artworks — some of which double as amusement park rides — by the likes of Jean-Michel Basquiat and Salvador Dalí, has been revived thanks in part to the Toronto rapper Drake.

[softgrungeprophet]

you know what i'm just gonna put the context on the post for once instead of in the tags

ftr windowverse Kaine is nominally cis in that he is a man who was assigned male at birth and has a dick, but his lived reality is a little more complicated than that partly because he is intersex, and also due to things like abuse, but he doesn't have the language to articulate any of it. he's queer, and disabled, and intersex, and so on and so forth, and he was also very isolated and sheltered from society and other people for the most formative years of his life.

It is not androgen insensitivity btw otherwise TRT obviously wouldn't work - it's XXY/XY mosaicism + some other small details I'm not going to specify here because while I do personally have the details written out, I don't really like the idea of offering an invasive breakdown of this fictional queer, autistic, disabled intersex man's body and genitalia on the internet lol so I'm not going to do that.

like sure he's not real but it's the principle of the thing.

i will say that he is not technically Transgender™, or at least wouldn't necessarily use that word for himself despite his gradual self-acceptance and androgynous masculinity, and he is not transitioning from female to male for example, or vice versa... but something that will become obvious as I later post certain drawings and fics (Someday, Maybe, Eventually) is that—in this AU with multiple specifically explicitly trans characters—Kaine is like, metaphorically and symbolically transmasc thru imagery, while being also just literally intersex lol

See my joke (not a joke) about the phallic and yonic symbolism of web-shooters, spikes, and silk organs.

or to be more straightforward, kaine has holes in his wrists which his brothers do not.

anyway the TRT (testosterone replacement therapy) is mostly to help with things like bone health, anemia, etc. (though these are also impacted by some of his medications and autoimmune disease). It doesn't hurt that it helps a little with his mental and emotional health too.

idk how long it would take for him though. i wrote, vaguely, "2016 or 2017" but idk for sure lol — late 20s regardless, and then, who knows how long his hair actually would be. by early 2017 it's still only ass-length so being past his knees implies it's probably actually 2018 😅 i'm not too pressed cause it still gets the point across.

also looking at selfies of people pre- and post-hormone therapy is always kind of wild. fat redistribution really does a lot (even accounting for things like exercise). like, i keep being like. that's a big difference, did i draw kaine's before and after too different? should he still be a little more curvy than that even after T? but the photos are like. no, yeah, that's exactly how that works, actually.

though i'm not sure if i should have made his chest a little fuller. i did try to give him a slightly fuller silhouette than peter and make his chest like... heavier looking (ie affected by gravity) but also it probably still is mostly muscle... and i don't think he has actually developed breasts... though (not pictured) his nipples probably change the way that looks too.

As far as him having a beard pre-T, this is something I've thought about (debated keeping, even)—ultimately what actually happened was that I just drew that on a whim before having fleshed out some of the later stuff or some of his (numerous) health quirks, so I just hadn't thought that far ahead. My reasoning was: Kaine runs away. Kaine is homeless. Kaine does not have easy access to a bathroom/sink/razors/etc. Kaine grows a beard. Which is reasonable, even if I later said, wait, his hormones.

But anyway, I did a quick google search on my phone (wow, the utmost in academic rigor) and it does seem (from firsthand accounts) that it's possible for some people w/ Klinefelter's to grow small amounts of facial hair especially if it's mild... Since Kaine obviously has only some extra X chromosomes, rather than all XXY, I think it's fair to say that his case is on the mild side and the most obvious sign for him is like, wide hips/fat distribution (at least to outside observers), though he is less hairy than his brothers technically. But I figured it's probably not too far out of left field to say that the combo of Warren's rapid growth serum in Kaine's adolescence + only partial XXY/still some self-synthesized T + Parker genetics means he probably has established beard hairs by the time he's 24 or whatever. It would just be sparse and patchy (which it already was), and probably not grow very long or very quickly, nor be very coarse or thick.

I mean personally I have half a dozen whiskers on my chin and I've never been on T in my life (granted, idk what my natural hormone levels are like lol) so, you know how it is.

After T I assume he would be able to grow quite the beard but in-universe, shaving soothes him, so I think he just keeps shaving for a while even after he starts growing his regular hair back out.

my favorite thing to do is to have a character gain weight when they are healthy and safe 👍 also i needed to figure out what Kaine's build should actually look like compared to Peter, so I was like, may as well go all the way in and show his different weights.

technically this is for the scar reference I'm making (very slowly) but I figured it would stand on its own fine, so here it is.

[schleierkauz]

Cornelia Funke Q&A - 07.02.22

Hey everyone! I know I haven’t been very active on here lately, it’s winter and I’m hibernating. Still, here is the recap of the last Q&A. Some really interesting things were discussed this time, I hope you enjoy it :)

Misc.

- Cornelia is exhausted because she's been unpacking "about 300 boxes of books" and finds herself wondering why she has so many. The carpenter is still working on her library so the boxes will be in her life for a while yet

- Cornelia's house is filled to capacity with guests for the next few weeks. She's already realising that she'll need a lot more space for all the artists that want to stay with her.

Cornelia is pretty sure all her character's exist somewhere and she's just writing down what they already are instead of making anything up. That's why they get so mad whenever she gets details wrong.

Question: Does Cornelia ever meet her character on the street? Answer: Not on the street, no. But she often sees them around the house. They all have very different personalities and act accordingly - Dustfinger, for example, likes to stay in the shadows and would never directly approach Cornelia. Jacob, on the other hand, often storms in, walks around in circles for a while and storms out again - and Fox is just always there, all the time. Their body language is very different. Cornelia's dogs are used to them by now. (Translator’s note: What an unhinged thing to say. I love her so much.)

- Cornelia has not yet seen Guillermo del Toro's new film because she's been so busy and she's not sure she ever will because it sounds too scary and she doesn't like horror. (Translator’s note: She doesn’t like horror? I wouldn’t have expected that tbh)

Question: How are the donkeys? Answer: They're doing so well that Cornelia feels a little bad about their previous life with her. She regularly gets pictures and they're doing amazing in their new home.

- Cornelia is open to writing another Dragonrider book if she hasn't "dropped dead by the time that would be possible" since she'll be busy with other projects for the next few years

- There won’t be any in-person live readings with Cornelia in Germany any time soon because after her move to Italy she’s really tired of travelling

Illustration

- The topic switches to illustration and Cornelia goes on a little rant about how in the past, it was common to have illustrations on every page of a book whereas nowadays she often hears things like "we can't put pictures in this book or people will think it's (only) for children". She thinks that is incredibly stupid and hopes illustrator will get the attention (& money) they deserve in the future

- Speaking of illustrators, Cornelia plans a new book with all her artists. Each of them will be asked to draw a Christmas tree with Cornelia writing a little story around those drawings. Originally she thought about having them draw a scene from Inkheart but she figured Christmas trees would allow more creative freedom. The chat was very in favor of her just doing both and she said she'd consider it - it would certainly be less work for her since Inkheart is already written. 

- When illustrating herself, Cornelia likes to use ink & feather for stories aimed at younger children, such as Dragonrider and Igraine Ohnefurcht. She feels a "classical" technique like that works well for fantastical motives. In Reckless, on the other hand, she often keeps the illustrations vague with many shades of grey to give each reader the opportunity to fill in the blanks using their own imagination. For that more realistic style she uses a lead pencil.

Rim Of Heaven

Cornelia talks a bit about the causes her foundation Rim of Heaven supports, such as:

- The Tree People in Los Angeles, who plant hundreds of thousands of trees and educate people about biodiversity - Safe Place For Youth in Venice Beach, who provide shelter for homeless teenagers (Cornelia apparently hosts a yearly Thanksgiving dinner) - Book Truck, which was founded by a bookseller who drives around in a delivery van Cornelia bought her to hand out free books to teenagers in foster care. The idea was widely mocked at first but it turned out to be a huge success.

Cornelia says she tries to support different good causes across the world each year, from efforts to keep Indonesian weaving techniques alive to giving girls access to education in rural parts of India to funding lawyers in America who represent kids who got separated from their parents at the border. She wishes she had more money to donate but stresses that even small contributions can make a big difference. She has had some bad experiences with people stealing donation money but doesn't think that's a valid excuse to stop trying.

RECKLESS

The Reckless TV show pitch document is basically finished and will be ready to be send out in about two weeks. They're just waiting for some tiny final fixes.

Question: Does Cornelia know how Nerron learned his trade as a treasure hunter? Answer: There is some information about Nerron's childhood. He only survived because his father saw what a talented thief he was. Those skills turned out to be useful for finding treasures, which sometimes requires stealing things. Other than that, Cornelia thinks Nerron is one of those characters she could easily write a whole book about. He's one of her favorite characters and she'd love to dig into his life a little more - but, just like Dustfinger, he is the kind of character that wants to keep some of his secrets and Cornelia respects that. It's unrealistic to want to know everything about someone - every human and every goyl needs some privacy.

INKWORLD

Question:

Will there be references to Reckless in The Color of Revenge, since both worlds are the same?

Answer:

There will definitely be bridges between both series but Cornelia will be careful not to force them. They have to appear naturally. She has a feeling that she will discover more about the fox who gave Fox (you know, from Reckless) her pelt. Maybe some Silver Alders as well... but she's not sure how explicitly those things will end up in the actual book. It's an Inkworld story after all, not a Mirrorworld one.

- Cornelia has been working on TCoR and can already see that the story will shift a lot from the chapters that were released early. There are a few things she was wrong about and the story is correcting her as she keeps planning and prepares to keep writing. She relistened to the audio books recently, Inkheart read by Brandon Fraser and the other two in German. Cornelia found herself surprised by her own story since it had been so long since she last really immersed herself in it.

Question: Do you think the Black Prince can be summoned like the knight from Geisterritter? Answer: Cornelia doesn't think the Black Prince really values love and romance all that much, not unlike many born leaders. She makes a comparison to Garibaldi and says that she's excited to find out more about the Prince and his priorities in life, since he will play a huge role in TCoR and the spotlight will be on him a lot more than it was in previous books.

Question: How did Cornelia choose the quotes for each chapter? Answer: At first she looked through all of her favorite books. When it was time to work on the second and third book she sometimes cursed herself for ever having the idea because she needed so many quotes. It wasn't easy to find a fitting quote for each chapter and her publisher struggled to get the copyright for each one. A few quotes had to be replaced because using them would have been too expensive - which is why there are some differences between the original German Versions and the English translations. The very first quote in Inkheart was supposed to be a poem by Shel Silverstein - but Cornelia hates the German translation of that poem. She tried to do it herself but it just didn't work. So instead, she went with a poem by Paul Celan, which is a lot more serious than the one which introduced the English readers to the story.

(Ok... Translator's note: What the fuck!!! I had no idea!! I always thought the poem at the start was very creepy and unnerving and the vibe of Silverstein's quote is SO different! In German the book starts with ash and darkness and in English it starts with stories by the campfire. INTERESTING!) Cornelia says she doesn't think anyone has ever compared the differences between the German and English versions of the trilogy but it would be interesting. (... 👀)

Question: Is there anything Cornelia can tell us about Jehan's witch friend in TCoR? Answer: No. That character is currently evading all of Cornelia's efforts to pin her down and any time she thinks she understands what her role in the story will be, the story says "wrong." The young witch has been putting on a lot of costumes and right now it's still very unclear what she's really about.

- Cornelia is currently reading a lot of books about paint as further TCoR research

The next livestream will take place on April 4th!

[voiceless-terror]

Recognition

@aspecarchivesweek Day Five: Something New

Jonathan Sims/Martin Blackwood, Season One

In which Jon and Martin are more alike than they thought.

Jon, in spite of himself, was starting to get used to Martin living in the Archives.

Offering him shelter had been almost instinctual- after listening to his story, who wouldn’t? Terrorized for almost two weeks and no one, no one noticed. There was also the matter of Jon’s guilt; Martin thought he needed to put himself in danger to be thorough, to please Jon, and now he was homeless. Jon owed him this at the very least. No matter how much Elias disapproved of the situation.

And despite the occasional trouser-less wanderings, his presence was...appreciated. Late nights in the Archives were wearing him down: the statements were getting to him, and the unshakeable feeling of being watched when he knew he was alone was putting him on edge. Now he can blame that feeling on Martin, who he’d caught staring on more than one occasion. Jon was not surprised; he hadn’t been looking or feeling his best, highly unprofessional with his three-day stubble and rumpled clothes. Not a good look.

He’d be lying to himself if he didn’t enjoy the cup of tea when Martin joined him in his worst bouts of insomnia. He would sit on the tiny couch in his office, nursing his own mug and chattering away in a low tone that Jon was starting to find soothing instead of irritating. At first Jon clammed up, uncomfortable with the sudden intrusion on his late night routine, but he soon found Martin didn’t expect him to respond or contribute, save the occasional grunt of acknowledgement. Sometimes Jon even craved the company, the familiar rhythms of Martin’s voice had become an unconscious comfort. 

Tonight he was looking particularly exhausted, slumped in his seat with deep purple bags under his eyes. It sent an unwelcome pang through Jon’s chest; Martin should be sleeping, not entertaining him because he chose to stay late. He said as much.

“You don’t have to stay up on my part.”

“Hm?” Martin looked up from his lap, eyes finding Jon’s. “Oh, no. It’s fine. I like the company, to be honest. Unless…?”

“I don’t mind,” Jon assured him. Shockingly, he found he meant it. Still, it didn’t ease his guilt. Martin was always here, never leaving the Archives for more than an hour to get food or other necessities. He considered his next words. “That being said, I hope you know you’re allowed to have a life outside of the institute. I won’t judge if you want to have a...late night, or go out. It’s not my business what you do in your free time.”

Martin squinted his eyes as if he didn’t understand the words Jon spoke. Christ, do I really seem that out of touch? He knew he could be severe and well, a bit of an ass at times. The stress of the job got to him more than he cared to admit. But he didn’t want his assistants to think they should follow his example. He was Head Archivist, it fell on his shoulders to get this place in some semblance of order. 

“I’m not really one for nights out, Jon,” Martin gave that familiar, self-deprecating laugh as he leaned back in his chair, an almost defeated-like set to his shoulders. “Well, besides the occasional drink with Tim and Sasha. And even those are sort of...I don’t know. They have their own thing going, and I feel like-”

“A bit of an outsider,” Jon provided before he could activate his ‘word to mouth’ filter. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply-”

“No,” Martin cut him off. “You’re right. Feels like I’m intruding.”

“Their banter can be overwhelming for the, ah, uninitiated.” On the few times he’d gone out with them in research, he’d felt more lonely than included. His awkward attempts at interjecting could make a conversation fall flat and he felt the need to accept every drink they handed in him the hopes of ‘loosening up.’ It never worked. They were never mean about it, no- or at least had the decency not to do it in his presence. 

“Tell me about it.” Martin gave Jon a tiny little smirk that sent his heart stuttering in his chest for no particular reason. “I’m used to it, is all. This isn’t much of a change in routine, worms notwithstanding.”

“You, er, don’t have friends you can meet up with? Or maybe a partner?” Christ, why am I prying? What’s gotten into me? Jon felt curious, the man practically lived with him and yet he barely knew him.

The bark of laughter he got in reply was sudden and more than self-deprecating. “A partner? Are you kidding me?” Martin’s tone threw him off-balance; it was jaded, bitter, not like him at all.

“I didn’t mean to pry-”

“No, it’s- to be frank, I don’t think I’m cut out for all that.” Martin toyed with the mug in his hands, gazing into it like it held the answers he needed. “I’ve uh, tried to go on a few dates, meet people, that sort of thing. But they all expect something at the end and it just never feels right, I can’t explain it. Like there’s something missing. ”

Jon paused; the words and their sentiment were not unfamiliar to him. In fact, they resonated quite deeply, if Martin meant what Jon thought he did.

“It’s always been that way- I get a crush, I get to know them, they want to, y’know, and I-I don’t know what's wrong with me, but I can’t-” He cut himself off, sitting up straighter as if suddenly remembering where he was and who he was talking to. “God, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you this-”

“It’s fine.” And it was. Martin looked at his hands and Jon recognized the sadness in the set of his shoulders, the lines etched in his face. He never thought the two of them would have much in common but that- that was a feeling Jon knew all too well. “I think I understand what you’re getting at.”

Martin somehow managed to deflate even further, curling up as if trying to disappear. “Yeah, well- I think it’s time to admit that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.”

The words hit Jon harder than expected. His fists tightened in his lap; he was sixteen again, wondering why the kiss he stole in a backroom felt more invasive than intimate. He was reading romance novels, understanding the words but not the feelings they were supposed to invoke. He was in college, being called a ‘tease’ or a ‘prude’ when he pulled away at the end of the night. And it was all accompanied by that deep, crushing fear that he’d never be enough. 

No, you’re not that kid anymore. 

And Martin shouldn’t have to be either.

“What’s that look for?”

He was drawn from his thoughts at Martin’s words, looking up from the scratched wood of his desk. “Sorry?”

“You’ve- you’ve got that look on your face, like you’re const- like you’re thinking really hard.”

Jon tried to think of a way to word his query delicately, but ‘delicacy’ had never been his strong suit, according to Georgie. Come to think of it, it was never hers either. “Have you ever considered that maybe- that you’re- you’re of the persuasion, that is-”

Martin shot him a deadpan look, unimpressed. “Yeah, I know I’m gay, Jon.”

“That’s not-” He sighed in frustration, fuming at his inability to communicate. “It’s okay to not feel that way. I never have. It’s normal.”

Martin blinked. “Sorry?”

“Asexuality, that is,” he said, finally managing to get out the words. “I was...in a similar position, I guess you could say. I didn’t feel the way you were ‘supposed’ to feel, like how all the books and TV shows describe it. Zero interest in anything sexual, and I thought...well, I thought something was wrong with me.” Jon felt a lump building in his throat, much to his horror. “But being able to put a name to it, an identity, it just felt right.” Martin’s face was unreadable- had he spoken out of turn? Did he have this all wrong? 

He tried to clarify. “What I’m trying to say is that I know what it’s like, that...feeling you described. But it doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for love. You...you shouldn’t have to feel that way about yourself. You’ll find people who accept you. You’re not doomed to be lonely.” Now you’re just getting sentimental. Jon wasn’t one to dole out advice. He attempted to reign it in, get himself back on solid, familiar ground. “Maybe don’t take me for an example, though. I assure you, my isolation is very much self-imposed.”

Martin didn’t laugh. For a brief, panicky moment Jon thought he might have offended him, assumed the wrong thing, taken him out of context. But Martin met his eyes and Jon saw it- a look of dawning understanding, of comprehension and knowing and as much as Jon wanted to look away he couldn’t, because for the first time in a while he thought he might have said the right thing. 

_____

He watched as Martin puttered about in the break room and took a deep breath, straightening his shoulders. Martin hadn’t said much after their conversation, just thanked him in a choked voice and mumbled some excuse about going off to bed. Jon felt a bit conflicted- he now had time to ruminate on the conversation, pick it apart and wonder if he said anything wrong. He didn’t think he had, but his instincts had been proven wrong before.

Still, the thought of helping one person, sparing them from that crippling self-doubt and inadequacy, made any embarrassment or awkwardness well worth it. So here he was, shuffling his feet and holding a stack of paper, stapled and neat and in some cases, annotated. He cleared his throat and Martin turned away from the sink to face him.

“Oh, g-good morning, Jon.” He wiped his hands on a dish towel, throwing it lightly on the counter. “Did you sleep well?”

He’d gotten two hours tops on the lumpy couch in his office. I need to invest in another cot. But he nodded anyway, walking forward and thrusting the pile out for Martin to take. Martin looked down at it quizzically but took it all the same, his face softening as he flipped through the pages.

“I, um- I printed out some articles that I thought might be of interest,” Jon rambled, feeling more awkward by the second. Was this too forward of me? “I’ve always found it easier to read on paper instead of the screen. For ah, concentration purposes. This- this isn’t required reading, or anything. Just might be helpful for, uh, figuring things out.”

Martin didn’t look up from the pages in his hand, instead zeroing in on them with a more intense stare. When he finally spoke, his voice was tight with sincerity. “Thanks. It uh, it means a lot.”

“Yes,” Jon replied nonsensically, having no response to the emotion in Martin’s words. “You- you don’t need to talk to me about this, if you’d rather not. But I’m available if you’d like to.” He paused. Best to keep this somewhat professional- it was almost nine. “Outside of normal working hours, of course.”

“Of course,” Martin echoed, the ghost of a smile on his lips as he finally met Jon’s eyes. He fought down the urge to smile back, instead muttering an excuse and turning to flee the room. I think I’ve filled my emotional quota for the week. 

They don’t talk about it again, but a few days later a sticky note appears on his desk. Thanks- MB. Underneath the clear script he’d doodled a small flag- black, grey, white, and purple. 

Jon puts it in his right-hand drawer next to an old polaroid of the Admiral, where it stays.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782318