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jaggedamethyst · 2 months ago

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…look for the light

joel miller x f!reader | 2.7k

pairing: joel miller (tlou) x fem reader

content: you're tired of hearing that old slogan from the fireflies...but maybe you should give it a chance.

notes: 18+ minors dni, eventual smut for the girlies (smfh + side eye) also unprotected in the heat of the moment unfortunately…dont be like them! angst because it's my specialty, mental health depictions (illusions to death, depression, etc. do not read if that's a serious trigger) this takes place in the time jump between tlou 1 and tlou 2…tons of existential crisis otw, grief, everything unfortunately…and i still don’t believe in proofreading

also this is the longest i've written so far...of course it involves joel too...hashtag need that.

࿐ ࿔*:·ﾟ🍂🌿༄。° ° 。༄🌿🍂·ﾟ*࿔ ࿐

You hadn’t arrived in Jackson on your own. At the time, you were one of a family of four. As time passed, the number dwindled along with your will to live. Back when everything was normal--or as normal as it could’ve been in a world that corrupt, you saw a therapist. You knew it was in their career description to listen. It helped sometimes, others it didn’t. Overall, though, you’d say they’d done a shit job if at the first sign of loss, you wanted to cease to exist.

When you weren’t overthinking, you found yourself on patrol. It became ironic that you rejoiced at the sight of a fresh dead body. Knowing that the person before you had made a mistake you could now avoid lit a small fire in you. The flame didn’t last long though, quickly blown out every day with a speed just as fast as its ignition.

To be candid, there was this guy. Well, this man. You couldn’t do him the injustice of calling him anything but a man. You saw him often--sometimes to himself, others with this girl. No matter the circumstance, though, he rarely spoke. You liked that. Something about people who acknowledged their capability to not speak made you extremely happy. Silence is a valid option.

As an observer, you learned his name was Joel, the girl Ellie. They’d arrived about the same time as you, which explained the lack of interaction. This was, of course, aside from glances, the fake half-ass smiles you exchanged, and your time on patrol together.

Unfortunately, he was the worst. It absolutely burned you up. That, and the fact that even when he annoyed you, you wanted to have extremely private time with him.

The first time you actually spoke, he’d found you by a stream. You didn’t know he was showing the girl, Ellie, something that day. But as you lay with your eyes closed, taking in the sunlight--a shadow cascaded over you.

You opened one eye to see who’d stepped in the way. Before you could get a word out, he spoke, “You from Jackson?”

“Who’s asking?” You created a sort of visor over your eyes with your hand.

He huffed, “someone from Jackson.”

Resuming your position on the ground, you spoke, “You some sort of Jackson cop? You seem like the cop type.”

He scoffed. You realized he did that a lot, not speaking, making annoyed sounds. Not answering questions directly.

“You should get back.”

With a quirked brow, you replied, “I’m good, thanks.”

“Wasn’t really a question.”

“Didn’t say it was.”

By this point you’d opened your eyes again, surveying the man. You kind of felt bad for being snippy but honestly, he interrupted your “alone with my thoughts” time. Some people can cope without thinking of the same incidents in a constant loop. Not you--you liked the hurt. It reminded you to be safe. To not trust people.

Even in that position, though, you observed the man. He looked rough, but in a way that motioned toward experience. There were hints of gray in his hair, yet he didn’t look old. His shirt was slightly opened, tattered. The sheen of sweat covering him made him all the more alluring in the sunlight.

“Are you gonna get the hell up and get a move on or what?”

You didn’t know him at the time, or that he was trying to surprise Ellie on her birthday. Even worse, that on this day, he’d thought of his daughter. He was coping. Anyone or anything out of place was shattering the amazing plan he had made to go a day without feeling like a disappointment.

He didn’t know that your “alone with my thoughts” time often consisted of thinking of your family. You’d willed yourself to shut your eyes tight, picturing those you lost; it was the only time you could see them. If you got lucky, you could dream of them. If you were unlucky, you’d see images of their mangled bodies.

It seemed that even awake, your luck was the fucking worst.

With swift and silent movements, you stood and turned to leave. Avoiding eye contact was the only way to hide the tears prickling in your eyes.

“Dude,” a young voice called out, “you hurt her feelings!”

“Fuck, I didn’t mean to, Ellie!”

Like you said, he was the worst. But you definitely took it to the next level at every opportunity.

That’s how you found yourself on patrol with Joel giving him the silent treatment. It was customary at this point. If you two went alone, he would bark out orders, you’d follow if you felt like it. If someone else happened to be there, you two would rely on an unspoken rule to only speak to them and not one another. It worked…until today.

Entrapment wasn’t a new feeling for you. Often on patrol specifically, you would have to maneuver your way out of dangerous positions to return. But the realization of there being nobody to return to hit you today. So even when Joel and Jesse said to stay back, you proceeded. It was a miracle none of you three were bitten or worse. Your reckless act left the trek back to Jackson completely silent.

When you reached the gate safely, Jesse spoke first. It was obvious he was shaken up but even more annoyed with you. “Kinda fucked up you did that. Did you even consider that you would put me and Joel in danger?”

“Nobody told you to follow me, to be honest.”

“I don’t give a fuck! When we leave, we work together… or we don’t go.”

Joel shook his head silently, observing the way Jesse continued to rip into you. You continued the back and forth until Jesse hit extremely low.

“Look, I know you lost people…I remember them-”

You spoke over him, a finger out in warning, “Don’t-”

“And just because you feel like there is no worth left in your sorry ass life, doesn’t mean I wanna die right now. Not for you. Not on a stupid patrol mission.”

It felt like he punched you. Square in the face. The way your breath left you was unlike anything you’d ever experienced. Not since the day you realized your entire family was gone. As a result of that day, you grew accustomed to silent walks back to your house. You got used to the sounds your house made between the silence.

You didn’t hear Joel’s faint footsteps and persistent calls to you as he followed behind. It wasn’t until the unusual sound of your door not immediately closing behind you that you turned around to see him there.

“You didn’t even stop him, you just stood there like you always do!”

His signature sigh and no response. Just a sort of expectant look on his face.

“Get. Out. Please.”

You begged him to leave, your voice breaking. It was somewhere in the midst of you slowly falling toward the floor that he reached you. He knew what you were experiencing right now. The dull panging in your body, a faint scream at you, and a feeling that of anyone it should’ve been you to go, not your family.

He didn’t want to admit that he recognized the bubble of sadness around you, as he’d be forced to acknowledge his own. The least he could do was to comfort you in a way he had yearned for when he lost Sarah. When he lost Tess. When he thought Tommy was gone. But he failed, as he always did, crying with you.

He urged you to quiet your sobs, “It’s okay, shhh.”

His attempts at soothing you were a sort of reassurance to himself--that it was okay. It could be okay. He eventually grasped your face, too, forcing you to look at him. He wanted you to believe him, despite the lack of conviction in his voice. The eye contact shocked you both. You had never seen the man cry let alone been this close to him. From a distance, it's easy to think that any dark-colored eye is just black but his…

“Brown…” You mumbled incoherently.

“What?”

“Your eyes. I’ve never really looked at ‘em.”

He was confused, “yeah, brown.”

“It's just that, it's easy to overlook things…” when you’re so stuck in the past, you wanted to say. But you left it. You had a feeling he understood.

It was hard to not lean into his touch, even harder to not want to be near him. He noticed you staring, but there was still so much left unsaid. Thinking about it, he never really allowed himself to carry out a conversation with you. But there was an unspoken attraction between you. It was easy to minimize said attraction to one where you needed each other. It was suffice to say that it was more tantamount to the way particles were reliant on one another. Even more, the way symbiosis occurred. Despite the urge to push one another away, you knew that you did, in fact, need each other.

If not for a long time, at least for now.

Without a word, you pushed up a bit, meeting your lips with his. He was obviously taken aback; there was so much behind the kiss…but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

You pulled at his shirt, that damned shirt he always liked to wear. Always opened slightly, but never enough to give you what you needed.

“Can I?” You broke the kiss and motioned toward the buttons, breaking eye contact for a second.

Joel let out a characteristic sound, affirming you, “Mhm, yeah…”

You moved your hands lower, stopping at the close of his top. “Are you sure?”

The man understood you. The shirt acted as a sort of metaphorical barrier between the two of you. As much as it scared the both of you to cross that line, there was an unspoken respect for one another.

He noticed your apprehension, bearing the task of taking down that wall for you both.

Joel unbuttoned his shirt, slowly, intentional in his action.

He watched you shiver, “I haven’t…I want…I mean-”

That same alluring stare maintained its gaze at you, Joel allowing you the time to process and say what you wanted to.

“I want to feel…be close to you. Not because I want to use you or something…I just,” You searched for words that seemed to escape you.

His words interrupted your thought process, a gentle but calloused hand returning to your face.

“You don’t have to have a reason. Use me.”

That was enough to make you attack him full force. You’d thought of each other so long that there was an urgency. There wasn’t time for niceties or the pleasantries of preparing yourself for him. You just wanted each other immediately.

The trail of clothing that led to your room was something out of one of those old movies you watched. Before everything went to shit. You allowed yourself a smirk at the thought--Joel hot on your trail.

Joel observed how clean your place was. He was one to keep tidy, too. Not for the thought of expecting someone, but for lack of people except him. There were few things he held near and dear, so a large space like his home was often unused save for his bed and couch. It seemed you echoed this thought, and that made him even more eager. Knowing you had so much in common made him insatiable.

You found yourselves kissing again, seeking comfort in each other. It was sweet and slow. You couldn’t handle it, the lack of him.

“Joel, please,” you backed towards the bed. Now fully available for him. With you demanding everything be so structured to protect yourself these days, you were willing to let go for once.

He didn’t say anything, he never did. But the way he hovered over you, maintained eye contact and pushed into you said enough.

His pace was somewhere between painfully slow and slower. He felt your wetness, the way you were ready for him already, and it made him harder. He knew he wouldn’t last long if he went any faster.

You reached up, pushing the hair out of his face. It was a distraction from how good it felt, even the purposely slow pressure, but you wanted more.

You bucked up into him. He hissed and grunted in your ear, that’s new.

The southern drawl was even more apparent on the man. “Shit. I’m tryin’ to…make it last,” his head met your shoulder, breath against your skin. “Cant.”

“Don’t.”

You couldn’t see his face, but you figured a look of surprise flashed there. It only took a second for him to pick up the pace. Those grunts filled the room; his wordless communication was now music to your ears.

You continued that way for not much longer--but the high was unlike any other. He reached down to rub between you, making sure you’d finish. The thought of him caring about you in that way and the pointed pressure of his strong hands doing so was enough to make your body pulse against him.

He pushed you back down, keeping you still, “Don’t move, baby.”

It was a lot.

His movements became even more erratic, but it felt so damn good.

“Where should I?”

You arched a brow, “You want a little Joel running around here somewhere?”

He chuckled, so sweetly, too. Fuck.

“Wow, even full like this you still got a mouth on ya. I’m gonna work on that.”

He pulled out suddenly, and before you could even complain, latched his mouth onto you until he finished and your voice went dry from calling out his name.

Okay…

The usual urge to freshen up never came. The smell of Joel was all over you, and you liked it that way. You breathed in and out, processing what happened, fighting to stay awake. The sound of the man’s snores was enough to keep you awake in itself.

It wasn’t until you heard the snores stop and Joel stirring that you spoke again.

“I’m sorry.”

Joel turned his head toward you, clearly still half asleep, “For?”

“For that day, in the woods, when we first met. I was mean.”

“I understand. A random guy shows up asking questions. You get defensive. It happens to the best of ‘em.”

There was silence. One long enough that Joel sat up to get out of bed--you stopped him when you spoke.

“I was thinking of my family,” a pause, and with it, your eyes burned a bit. “I don’t know why I act the way I do. I don’t know why I’m… harsh. Part of me thinks it's because they are always looking at who I have become and are so disappointed. The other part of me thinks that they don’t see me at all…or that they can’t…that there’s nothing more after this. I dunno which feels worse but I know it drives me fucking crazy.”

He silently reached for your hand, deliberate in his response. “I like to think that the big moments we share with the people we lose are more important than anything after.” He nodded, assuring himself before continuing. “Good or bad, their memory only survives as long as we are thinking of them.” He paused to look toward his wrist, almost out of muscle memory. “Our families may not be here, but even mentioning them proves that they were real. I know my baby girl was real, I can’t fail her by going on like she wasn’t.” He inched closer to you, “If it takes me being sad to know that there was someone I loved here before, I’ll stomach it any day.”

You nodded slightly.

“Thanks.”

A hum resonated from him, and he made his way out of your house. He was elusive as always, and definitely just as attractive..if not more so now. But his words stuck with you.

That stupid catchphrase from the Fireflies…you’d heard it often. The aftershocks of the group persisted even after they’d slowly dwindled in numbers. When you’re lost in the darkness…

Wiping your eyes, you pulled the covers back a bit more. A lot of time had passed, but for the first time in a while, you didn’t feel like it was ripped from you.

After a few minutes, the Sun started to rise, heat emanating from your window. You felt the warmth slowly reach your face--closing your eyes.

For once, you’d look forward to sleep, and even more, the possibility of dreaming.

#angst #jaggedamethyst #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #tlou #tlou fic #joel tlou #the last of us #joel the last of us #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #the last of us hbo #tlou joel

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the-derpy-duck · 1 year ago

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Ok here’s my long ass post about Earthspark Starscream.

None of this is even getting into the final episode of season one because I can’t right now. This show really did body horror and I love it so much.

I love him so so much. I love that the show doesn’t make an excuse for the way Megatron treated him and I like that he was nice. He does bad things and is selfish but also he’s not at the same time? Like horrible friend no doubt but when he was trying to escape he helped his seekers. He lead a jailbreak and he cares at least a bit about the other seekers.

He puts himself first always but also Skywarp was angry at him for not helping. Which would almost imply that at some point he used to help. He shoved her out of his way but he also pushes her out of the way do the energon monster. Was it intentional? Idk. But he did do it. And later in the episode he proves that he can be selfless. He responds well to people showing him kindness. He’s willing to work with the Maltos and follows there plans. He doesn’t even attack them at the end.

Also the fact that no one is like “yeah but you did shitty things so you deserved to be abused” is nice. ‘We’ll obviously no one would say it like that’ have you ever read a transformers YT video comment section? People like finding a way to justify the abuse others go through if they are attempting to fight back and this show says ‘no we aren’t gonna do that. Megaton was wrong to treat his subordinates the way he did.’ Starscream is a bad person, but honestly Megatron is too. His advice to bumblebee on teaching was to use fear because that’s what he did. Optimus tells him ‘don’t use unnecessary force with Starscream’ and guess what he does! I mean you could argue that he technically wasn’t using excessive force but the fact that OP felt the need to tell him not to do that shows something. Like I love this Megatron so much but he still was the leader of a glorified terrorist group. He had good intentions, but it still ended with him leading a group of terrorists.

And the bit where Megatron says he’ll take Starscream somewhere that’s safe and Starscream says ‘no where is safe with you’ is the most thing ever. I love that bit so much. Even if he’s wrong he’s still right because how could he ever feel safe near Megatron or if he knew where he was? The fact that he also automatically assumes the worst in others and is so surprised when Hashtag believed him is so sad to me. Like he’s awful and terrible but he’s also a person who has been hurt by someone who is, from his point of view, helping lock up himself and his subordinates. Starscream is a selfish traitor but Megatron has also betrayed him, his cause (typically, not that applicable to this Megatron), and his people. Also Starscream is telling Megaton to fuck off which I love.

He has the ability to emphasize with Hashtag and he doesn’t want the others to die but he’s spent so much time in an environment that fosters betrayal and constant lying that he can’t just go back for them even if he wanted to. I don’t think he cares either way, but Starscream’s backstabbing nature probably only got as bad as it did BECAUSE he was forced into situations where he could either throw someone else under the bus or be run over. He doesn’t respond as warmly to Skywarp or Novastrom when they showed up (compared to Hashtag) but he had a response. He’s almost apathetic to them but he relaxes slightly and has an almost positive reaction.

Hashtag telling Starscream that bad things happen and it isn’t always their fault was just— AHGHH! I love this episode so much. It’s looking you in the face and saying “hey. that thing you do, where you say this person deserved the abuse they got? Yeah that’s messed up and wrong.” Because people DONT deserve to be abused and no one ever does. ‘Starscream tried to kill Megatron multiple times’ then just imprison, exile, or kill him. And I know that it’s not that simple but if you try to simplify Starscream’s actions then I’m gonna simply Megatron’s possible responses. They both did bad things, we don’t see them doing the bad things in this episode so making an actual judgement is kind of hard but the episode is strongly implying that Megatron abused SS or otherwise unfairly hurt him. I mean SS kind of says it.

Starscream manages to be a really nuanced and complex character without taking away from the others around him. Like Hashtag telling Megatron to leave Starscream alone and Megatron almost shooting Starscream gives all of them more character. Megatron isn’t really WRONG for attacking SS IN THE CAVE. Because if I was Megatron I would assume he would attack the terrains. Hashtag is also a character I didn’t think I’d like as much as I do (her fake evil bit was fun). She cares so much about the people around her and is able to feel empathy for people she shouldn’t and that probably sucks a lot. It’s not a good feeling to feel bad for people and Hashtag is empathetic.

I hope he (SS) will show up more in season two as a neutral force almost like TFP. Because I don’t see him going after the terrains just because they sided with Megatron but he’s also not gonna just join the Maltos. Also Thundercracker pls pls pls. Even if he’s just like ‘fuck this noise’ and then leaves and never shows up again. Just put the Blue guy in.

Twitch trying to recruit more decepticons to Megatron is funny I love her so much.

#transformers #maccadam #character analysis #tf earthspark #tfe megatron #tfe starscream #transformers earthspark #earthspark hashtag #tfe hashtag #earthspark megatron #earthspark spoilers #earthspark twitch #earthspark starscream #earthspark skywarp #fandom #Duck screams about things

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average-submas-enthusiast · 11 months ago

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My Experience with Wilbur Soot

So, the Wilbur Soot situation. This is mostly going to be me ranting abt the whole situation, so don't keep reading if you don't care.

I mostly just had to type this out and post it so I can vent and (hopefully) get over Wilbur Soot.

Wilbur supporters DNI

I've been a fan of Wilbur's for a long time, I believe the first time I watched him was in January 2021. Initially, I just knew him from Technoblade's (Rest in Power, king) videos, but after a while, he kinda grew into his own thing for me.

I wasn't huge into Dream Smp as it came out, as most of the time I couldn't tune in for personal reasons.

I started seriously watching it in September of 2021 if I remember correctly. It soon became a hyperfixation of mine. I knew basically every crumb of lore like the back of my hand, and I loved what Wilbur did for both the server and its stories. I still do, to an extent, as the Dream SMP is still really near and dear to my heart.

Then, Lovejoy’s Pebble Brain album came out. Previously, I had no idea Wilbur had started a band, so it was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. So when I tell you that that album had been my single favorite album of all time up until this point, you better believe it. I spent hours listening to the songs, over and over again, whether it was on a good day or a bad one, I always had a small comfort.

After about a year or so, I fell out of MCYT again. I still kept up with it occasionally, mostly just watching Tommy and Wilbur.

Frankly, before Tuesday, I hadn't even thought about Wilbur Soot since about 2 months ago. So, when all of a sudden, I saw he was trending on here, I was somewhat excited. I thought he had announced a new project or something. So, I clicked on the hashtag.

I am truly disgusted by Wilbur Soot's actions. To think, someone who I personally looked up to, did such horrendous actions is horrifying to me.

A part of me feels almost ashamed that I didn’t see it, that any signs in the past of Will being a bad person I swept under the rug, choosing to ignore it because “He was young'' or “He said he was sorry”. However, I have since realized that I COULDN’T know what was going on behind the scenes. I only saw his persona, the mask he put on when he streamed or was recording. TBH, this situation has really affected me, if me writing such a long post about the situation didn't tip you off already.

And worst of all was his "apology”. I first learned about this situation on Tuesday, about 3 hours before he made his public “apology”. When I read it, at first I was semi-satisfied, because he claimed he was/had gone to therapy and felt his previous actions were “slobish, disrespectful, and selfish”. I felt like he had downplayed his actions, but that overall he had felt bad and was seeking help.

Then, I realized a ton of things were wrong with it. Not only did he downplay his actions, he completely skipped over like 75% of it, he also JUST DIDN'T SAY SORRY. He somewhat vaguely apologized, if you turn your head and squint, but the words “I'm sorry” never appear in the text.

With all these things coming together, plus all the reactions by creators that have met him IRL/talked to him in private, I can't in good conscience support Wilbur Soot. Whether it be in music, youtube, twitch, whatever, I just can’t. I have removed all of both his and Lovejoy’s songs from my streaming playlists, and have pirated a small few that I’ve used as comfort music. I plan on eventually fully cutting him and his work out entirely, but I need a little time to adjust. I feel bad for not supporting Lovejoy, as there are other members than Will, but I feel it is the best course of action unless they fully remove him from both the band and the cash flow.

Hopefully reading through my experience has helped anybody else who has felt a familiar experience to me. I truly hope Wilbur gets the help he needs, he is a messed up individual, and needs psychological help.

Small note: Please, don't tell Wilbur to kill himself, while his actions were bad, that's not an excuse to tell somebody to end their own life. His actions were horrible, but verbally assaulting someone online is not a reasonable reaction to this situation.

Go support Shubble. She's very brave to talk about her experiences. Support SA victims. Go support both Tommy and Phil, Tommy has most likely been a victim of his manipulation and abuse and Phil is a close friend of his that most likely feels betrayed and hurt by his close friend’s actions.

I don't really have anything else to say, so bye everyone, stay safe and vigilant.

#wilbur soot #mcyt #shubble #tommyinnit #sa mention #SA

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sserpente · 1 year ago

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Loki Season 2 – Episode 1 RECAP

HERE WE GO AGAIN! FINALLY! LET’S DO THIS, SHALL WE?

As always, HEAVY SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 1 BELOW THE CUT!

Also from now on, as usual, in addition to the keep reading tags, I will tag posts that contain spoilers with the hashtag "#loki season 2 spoilers" and "#loki spoilers" so you can filter them from your dashboard until you're ready!

Did I stay up until 3 a.m. to watch the first episode again? Yes. Yes, I did.

We are starting off so damn STRONG. Damn it, I just wanted to hug Loki so bad. He’s been through so much shit and he was so heartbroken and desperate! Imagine you get to cup his face and just tell him to take a deep breath with you! What made it even more painful was the moment he fully realised that Mobius didn’t recognise him—his one friend, the one person who likes him for who he is… and he doesn’t remember him… and then the relief on his face when was in the right place again!

Loki was so panicked about the impending war. For good reason, obviously but it truly shows that Thor: Ragnarok lied. Loki wouldn’t be a bad king, now hear me out—in The Avengers, Thanos had the upper hand. You all remember that one scene where he sort of backtracks and says “It’s too late… it’s too late to stop it…” but can’t join forces with Thor because The Other was watching him? Loki understands the sacrifice for sure and in the first Thor film, when he tried to wipe out Jötunheim, what I believe is that he wanted to prevent the war that Thor himself had started by attacking those Jötuns. Loki’s not about violence and causing pain and destruction, he just got caught in the middle of it several times, and circumstances forced him into choices that were not heroic. We knew that already, of course… but it’s nice to see that reflected in the series. Besides, we don’t need him to be a hero. We just need him to be Loki. 🥰

The jokes were spot-on, not too silly, not out of place, in my opinion, but sprinkled in just right so far. Skin? Also, can we please talk about the warning on the floor that said Spaghettification? Come on! 😂😂😂

Now in that sense, O.B. is indeed brilliant. A lovely and light addition to the serious bureaucracy of the TVA for sure!

I really wasn’t worried about Loki making it back safely, somehow. Let’s face it, they wouldn’t have killed him in the first episode of Season 2. With that being said… I hope for their sake he stays safe at the end too, otherwise, I will hurt a lot of people! 🙂

X5… X5, what are we gonna do with him? I hate him. Of course, I do. He’s got something about him that just makes you want to slap him in the face. 😒

Now there are two questions we immediately ask ourselves, right? Where, or rather, when did Sylvie come from? And who pruned Loki? Was it another Sylvie, or another Loki? Another Mobius? B15? An antagonistic character who realised their wrongs? A new character? A Kang Variant? They’ve definitely left us some loose ends! 🤔

And lastly… it’s absolutely heartbreaking to see how much Loki cares for Sylvie despite what happened at the end of Season 1. She basically betrayed him! For reasons Loki understands, of course, but still… it broke his heart… and hence it broke mine. He was so ready to stop the others from going after her even though he was facing the very gruesome time slipping problem. 😭

If you’ve seen the video I posted earlier, you’ll know that I have already seen Episode 2 as well today. I won’t lose a word about that one until next week though! 😉 All I’m gonna say is that we’re in for a treat. 😏

PS: I want that TVA handbook as a notebook for my writing.

#loki season 2 #loki series 2 #loki series #loki #tom hiddleston #loki disney+#loki spoilers #loki season 2 spoilers

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everwitch-magiks · 1 year ago

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Hashtag Soulmates

Alex is perfect and handsome, the golden boy, everybody’s secret crush. So there is absolutely no way that he is the reader who screeches in caps lock every time that Henry posts as much as a drabble. There’s no way. Except Alex just closed his browser fast as fucking lightning, but not before Henry had gotten a good glimpse of the page Alex had open: AO3. ‘Don't Stop Me Now’, Henry’s current wip. The one that Henry literally just updated.

Sweet Jesus. Could it really be?

I love fanfiction. I probably love fanfiction more than I love anything else. When I started to write 'Hashtag Soulmates,' I wanted to write something that tapped into all of that, something with fandom as the setting and fanfiction right at the heart of it. I didn’t actually have much of a plan (to center each chapter around a fic trope was something I decided on a whim for chapter two), but it felt very in character to have Henry be a passionate fic writer, and it seemed fun to have Alex be both someone Henry knew in real life and someone who was reading Henry’s work.

My favourite part of writing and posting this fic has been hearing how readers relate to it. So many people have talked to me about how much Henry’s journey resonated with them, and all the ways this story made them feel seen. I absolutely love all the conversations I've gotten to have through this fic, and how much that's made me think about fandom and its role in all our lives, the good and the bad of it and how I wouldn’t be the same person without it. 'Hashtag Soulmates' will always be special to me, because fandom is so incredibly special to me.

Below the cut is an excerpt from the fic that's from chapter one: it’s where we get to know about Henry’s day-to-day life as a prolific Jabriel fic writer. (Jabriel - James and Gabriel. I made up a fake ship based on Alex and Henry - see what I did there with the middle names? - so that they could effectively ship themselves. Simple, right?) Please enjoy this little window into Henry’s daily fic writing habits!

Henry is a respectable member of society.

He's worked as a copywriter for six years now. Most of his colleagues seem to like him well enough, although he's pretty sure that they all think of him as somewhat reserved. Still, he's entirely capable of navigating the office gossip by the water cooler and he tags along to the bi-weekly pub quiz gatherings often enough to actually keep getting invited. He’s sociable, polite and occasionally even funny. And he’s good at his job. That goes a surprisingly long way.

When Henry comes home from a day at the office or a night out at the pub, he curls up on the couch with his laptop and a cup of Earl Grey, and he writes. He writes about young men falling in love and subsequently falling in bed. He writes about kissing, and touching, and being kissed and being touched, about desire and desperation and sweet, sweet release.

Some of it he pulls from memory, but most of it is pure fantasy. Although it's not a wishlist, exactly. Henry is happily single for the most part, and the sex he writes isn't necessarily the sex he wants to have. It's more along the lines of very elaborate, often impossible daydreams, except Henry captures them on the page, edits them furiously and gets thousands of hits when he publishes them. All in a day's work.

Henry’s best friend, PezLikeTheSweets, lives in New Zealand. Pez has beta read every single one of Henry's fics for the past decade. They'd first connected back when Henry still wrote Wolfstar fics, except it wasn’t actually called Wolfstar back then, although the whole wizarding world has since lost its appeal to Henry either way. Fucking Joanne.

These days Henry writes about Simon and Baz, and those sweet Swedish teen gay royals, but his current main ship is definitely Gabriel and James. And he’s not alone in that. The scorchingly hot romance between a civil rights lawyer and a queer historian has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for months. There’s a movie in the works and a rumoured sequel, but in the meantime a lot of people are looking to get their Jabriel fix from fanfic. A lot of people. And Henry somehow managed to churn out his first few oneshots just in time to hit that elusive sweet spot in a fandom on the rise. Everyone read them. And now, whenever Henry posts a new story, everyone reads that too.

Read 'Hashtag Soulmates' on AO3!

#red white and royal blue #rwrb #first prince #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #fanfiction #spotlight saturday #evie writes #hashtag soulmates

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carsonian · 2 years ago

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Cap-IM Rec Week: Fluffy Friday

@cap-ironman, it's Friday! Coincidentally, I'm in love. 🤔

"met my destiny (in quite a similar way" by ishipallthings (@ishipallthings)

“I’m in love with you.” The spatula in Tony’s hand clatters to the floor with an audible thwack. (In which Tony is incredulous, Steve is determined, and absolutely no pancakes are made for breakfast.)

There's been a longstanding campaign by well-known and less-well-known dentists to delete this fic from the interwebs because of its devastating effect on readers' dental health. 'Nuff said.

"Rushing Headlong in the Wrong (Right) Direction" by nostalgicatsea (@nostalgicatsea)

“Steve,” Jan said slowly, “what did you think you were bidding on?” He could feel the heat of his blush creeping down his face and neck, and considering its intensity, he knew he was as red as a fire hydrant. “Uh,” he said for the second time in minutes. Or: Steve bids on Tony thinking Tony's auctioning off a date and gets something very different instead.

Steve may be the only white man underwhelmed by a wheel of cheese. And to that we all say: respect!

"The Way You Love Me" by Saber_Wing (@saber-wing)

Tony mustered up his best, ‘look at me, I’m so put together,’ voice, the one the press ate right up. And there was next to zero chance Steve was going to buy it, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying. “Don’t worry about me, sugar plum. I’ve got this.” Tony tried to open his eyes again, as if to prove a point even though no one could see him. And oh, oh no, that was a mistake. Frantically, he grasped for the wastebasket, dry heaving into it. Oh, he did not have this. He did not have this at all. Tony underestimates the severity of one of his migraines, and pays for it.

I really don't use this word lightly so it's after carefully considering every angle that I bring it up here. This fic is: scrump-dilly-icious. Again, I don't use that word lightly. But this fic is. Scrumpdillyicious!

"My Favorite Things" by Captain_Panda

Tony Stark loves Christmas. Too bad he's dating Scrooge's more miserable cousin.

Captain_Panda, the writer you are. . .

"very first words (of a lifelong love letter)" by picturecat (@snoozingcat)

Steve punched a triceratops and all he got was this lousy love confession. (He's pretty happy with it.)

I have no words because when I read this, my body had a magic-girl transformation into just. A pile of goo. So it goes. Hashtag worth it.

There's a reason why The Cure said "It's Friday, I'm in love." Because-- now--here's the reason: it's Friday. We're in love.

Go forth: SteveTony lovers, fuckers, ambassadors, champions, perverts, freaks, losers, dreamers, legends! Read, re-read, kudo, comment, spread legs and spread love.

#capimrecweek #fluffy friday #stevetony #fic recs #stevetony fic recs

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livvyofthelake · 4 months ago

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reading an ODD book at work. imagine being like hm i liked the one episode of this tv show i watched i should read the book (or. the first of the several books) it was based on because i don’t have time to watch a whole tv show (literally 2 seasons. there are 2 seasons and they aren’t even long seasons) and then the book is weird and the entire first half isn’t even about the titular guy from the tv show. i mean we finally got to him but this is literally halfway through

ok i typed all of that at work and then bestie coworker manager (she’s technically my manager but like not really so i’m not about to call her bestie manager she’s not that far above me. it’s complex) anyway she was getting stressed out about all the shit we had to get done so i got off my phone because like it really is that serious if we don’t do this stuff it’s not getting done and then the deeply annoying district people come and get mad even though it’s really not that serious it’s literally clothes. anyway. i know no one notices when i’m hashtag offline but just so you know i have been irregularly offline lately. for like the past month idk. because work is making me tireddd i’m literally about to morph into the hypothetical person from all those posts where people did marvel discourse like “well actually capitalism makes us so tired after work it’s only possible to consume media that doesn’t require the use of brain cells so actually you’re ableist and against the proletariat if you hate marvel” that’s about to be me if this continues. i’d actually choose something better than the mcu though. whatever the point is that work sucks and they don’t pay me enough but there are not enough jobs out there i find more tolerable that would pay much more so it’s hard to be motivated to get a Real Job. in this fucking economy 🙄. anyway i know no one has noticed or cared about me not posting but that’s my explanation. yes i was posting yesterday and the day before. i didn’t have work yesterday or the day before i was watching tv. also i’ve been Posting less because frankly lately all i want to talk or think about is those fucking shadowhunters and i don’t really like Posting about those fucking shadowhunters. i genuinely don’t like talking about things i really like to an audience of people that Don’t Get It. i also stopped posting about once upon a time when i realized there were people in my midst that knew what i was talking about. you might have watched three seasons of the same show as me and then given up when it got too cringe but you did NOT watch it the same way i did. which is the objectively correct way. and that’s all there is to say on the matter.

anyway yeah the book. there’s three parts each focused on a different character relevant to the story and part one was honestly confusing and bad and i considered quitting. the guy part one is about was genuinely just unlikeable which is not necessarily inherently bad i mean books can have unlikeable narrators and still be good but this guy was just not hitting and thank god his part was the shortest. and then part two was weird and disturbing but somewhat intriguing so i kept at it. the narrator of this part was a guy who just got out of prison after like 12 years for the rape and murder of a 15 year old girl. which sounds AWFUL but he didn’t do it and the facts of the case are misrepresented and it was like. deeply interesting to read his part even though i didn’t particularly enjoy it. might have enjoyed it more if i had thought this book would be about him and not my buddy will trent from the tv. do you guys watch will trent? neither do i. i saw one episode this spring and liked it so here we are. it’s sort of like a cop show if a cop show was kind of odd. it has all the markers of a cop show but something about it stops my brain from recognizing it as such idk. i am actually confused about why this michael character is in the show when um. the character in the book is like. a pedophile. and probably a serial killer. why does the guy from quantico play him in the show if he’s supposed to be a pedophile and serial killer? to be fair i do not know how this book ends. maybe the guy who just got out of prison really did do it all idk why should i know. anyway. part three just started and THIS part is finally about will and angie (my friends from the tv… from the one singular episode…) and they’re slayinggggg and EVERYTHING is coming together… the pieces are falling into place this could be huge!

#i think the thing that stops me from considering it a Cop Show is that it’s warm toned. cop shows are usually cool toned. or they’re ncis la

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imdeadinsidesiriuslydead · 2 years ago

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An Angel

Miles Miller x reader

a/n: yo so, my friend and I watch “Bad times at the el royale” together and it was really good! I love the movie! Anyway I was disappointed to see there isn’t really anything written for Miles under his hashtags. But some of the newer post have like 90- 300 likes so I don’t think the hashtag is dead. I really wanted to read something for him but quickly ran out of fics. So I decided to write what I would want to read for his character. It’s been bugging me all day so I’m finally writing it! Enjoy! 💕

No smut on this but if anyone wanted a part 2 that is just smut I can do that.

minors DNI

TW: blood, cult shenanigans, violence, Miles poor tortured soul, this is as dark as the movie, 1960’s shitty culture, oh and also cursing

When Y/N first pulled up to The El Royale, she never expected to be in this situation.

Sure when she first got here she felt uneasy, but it was the only hotel for 10 miles and she was getting to sleepy to be behind the wheel.

But instead of sleeping in her California room, she was walking to the main lobby with a gun held to her skull.

A hippie and man and woman had broke open her door and held a gun to her chest. She really had no choice to follow them.

At first she thought this was a robbery, she wasn’t gonna risk her life for her purse so she followed along where they were yelling for her to go. But as she walked into the lobby and saw a gambling table with the other guests and the front desk clerk tied to chairs while a man with an open shirt taunted them, she knew it was more than that.

The man turned around with a wicked grin. “Howdy,” he turned back to his hostages “look here we found us a new player!” He smiled. “Boots why don’t you tie her up and she can sit where Emily was hmm.” He shouted to the California side of the room.

A teenage girl that couldn’t have been more than 15, wearing red boots, came out from behind the jukebox and pulled a chair over.

Y/N was shoved in the detection of the table and to the open chair. As she hung her head low, in fear of meeting the mans gaze, she gasped in horror when she saw Emily’s dead body.

Emily barley introduced herself to Y/N, when she had laughed at the “Fuck You” on the Ledger.

“Sit” the man behind her said as she reached the chair.

Y/N complied and felt ropes wrap around her waist and hands.

“Oh, how rude of me!” The leader, she assumes, speaks again. “I haven’t introduced myself yet. Terrible edict I know.” He smiled as he leaned down to Y/N’s level. “I’m Billy Lee. I’m assuming you must the the Miss. Y/L/N right?”

“Yes sir.” She replied shortly, fighting back tears. She had never been this frighten in her life.

Y/N heard a whimper next to her, she snapped her head to the side, looking at the other guest.

The clerk’s, Miles, face was bleed and one side, with what appears to be tiny bullet holes. He had a cloth tied to around his mouth to keep him from talking but his sobs were very audible.

The women, Darlene, was missing her wig and Father Flynn had a cut on the top of his head, not nearly as bad as Miles though.

Billy Lee snapped his head “Kid if you don’t stop I’m gonna make you play again.” Miles immediately shut up and glanced at Y/N.

Billy Lee turned back to Y/N before a wide grin grew across his face. “So Y/N, tell me” He leaned closer “why are you here? How are you mixed up in this?”

“I’m not mixed up in anything! I don’t know what going on.” Y/N practically sobbed. She had never seen a dead person before but now she’s sitting right next to one.

Billy Lee didn’t seem to believe her. “You really think that theirs nothing suspicious about you being all friendly with Emily.” He narrowed his eyes. “Did you help Emily try to steal what’s mine?”

“what?” Y/N asked unsure of what he meant.

“Did you help Emily take Boots from me?” He asked getting angrier as his grip on his gun got tighter.

“No. No I didn’t” Y/N cried.

Billy Lee cocked his gun and held it to her face. “ I don’t believe you”

Y/N started shaking in her chair and she sobbed. “ I didn’t! I didn’t! Please! I didn’t! I just met Emily! I didn’t do anything!” She screamed as she cried leaning away from the gun.

She already felt dead. She felt like there was no other option. She was a deadman.

She begged for her life for 30 more seconds before Billy Lee smirked and turned his head to Miles.

“Well, Captain pervert? Did she seem to know Emily? Did you see her talking to her through the mirrors?” He asked.

Miles violently shakes his head no.

Father Flynn spoke up. “She wasn’t involved with the money either. She’s just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Is that true?” Billy Lee asked with a fake pout.

“yes! Yes! It’s true!” Y/N sobbed.

Billy Lee lowered the gun and smile at her before punching her right across the face.

“ Tell the truth!” He roared in her face making her cry more.

She could feel the blood dripping down her nose and lips. She tried but she couldn’t get the words out. She sobbed until he punched her again, knocking her out cold.

————————-

When she woke up she was laying on the ground still tied to her chair.

She looked around as her vision came back to her. She saw fire and broken glass. The table had been flipped and gunshots were going off.

She squeezed her eyes closed trying to think of something happy but nothing came to mind.

All of a sudden there was the screaming of the teenage girl, and more gunshots.

Y/N felt hands on her and opened her eyes dreading the worst but was met will the eyes of Father Flynn.

He cut the ropes around her wrist and waist and moved on to help Darlene.

Miles walked back to the group with the rifle in his hand. As he walked towards the little girl.

She watched as his face changed from stone to immediate regret. He put his hands on her shoulders and repeated how sorry he was.

Father Flynn, who she was beginning to think wasn’t really a priest, grabbed the gun and followed behind him quietly.

The little girl turned around and tried to shove a knife in Miles stomach but Father Flynn shot her before she could pierce his skin.

Darlene shouted for them to get out as the building was starting to come down.

Miles grabbed Y/No’s arm and pulled her with him through the door and out to the parking lot.

Y/N was dragged through the parking lot into a car. Father Flynn and Darlene took the front seat while Miles shoved her into the back with him. He helped her click on her seatbelt and quickly did his with shaky hands.

As Flynn sped away from the hotel, everyone kept their eyes ahead of them, afraid of what they had just witnessed.

#miles miller #miles miller x reader #miles miller x you #bad times at the el royale #father Flynn #lewis pullman

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rot8erconex · 1 year ago

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[ID: photo of tags that read "can someone explain or link me to an explanation of what's happened, bc I keep seeing posts talking ABOUT it without ever actually know what it is." /end ID]

@tsunderrated and anyone else who wants it. Summary under read more. CW for corporate bullying, self-harm, and just all around absurdity. TL;DR is that company would rather character assassinate someone who was bullied into almost taking their own life, and who would prefer to just let this be now that she is no longer affiliated with them, than admit that their management is poor, and their handling of the situation is so bad that their stock has dropped a whole 10%.

Selen Tatsuki was the, to my understanding, highest-earning EN VTuber working for Nijisanji. However, they would not fund her projects, leading to her having to pay for them out of pocket.

On Christmas last year, she uploaded a music video that she had been alluding to to her fans for months, had cost her $15,000, and had been animated specifically by some fans. She had permission from the singer of the original song to do this.

Less than 24 hours after the music video went up, it was deleted. An apology tweet was posted, in which she stated that management privated the video and she didn't know why.

Two days later, another tweet was posted in which it was stated in first person that she was in the hospital after "an accident", and that she would keep them updated. Four days after that, a third tweet, in which it was stated, again in third person, that she was out of the hospital, was staying with her parents, and looked forward to future projects in the new year.

And then....a month of radio silence. No posts to Twitter, no new videos, and even other VTubers who worked with her wouldn't even mention her name. Her IRL friends had no idea what was going on, her fans had no idea what was going on, no one was divulging any information.

Her fans were, understandably, concerned, so they started a #WhereIsSelen hashtag on Twitter. Nijisanji did not respond.

A couple days later, they posted something to Twitter: a termination notice for Selen Tatsuki, in which they said that she claimed she was being bullied internally. Which set the fans speculating as to which other talents would have been the ones to bully her.

But another thing you might have noticed me say a few paragraphs ago was that a few of her tweets had "stated in first person" a few things, not that they were "stated by her". Because another thing that they mentioned in the termination notice that they had taken away Selen's access to her accounts on the 26th, indirectly admitting that they were impersonating her in, at the very least, the tweets informing fans that she was in, and later out of, the hospital.

The best part? The fans knew as much from the get-go, thanks to something the fans like to call the "Japanese apostrophe". Apparently, Japanese keyboards (’) and English keyboards (') use a different character for the apostrophe, and a lot of Japanese managers don't know this - or think that it's not an important distinction.

Selen herself learned of the termination at the same time everyone else did. And her response was to revive the VTuber that she was prior to Nijisanji - one DokiBird.

Niji ended up forgetting to remove Selen's mods' permissions, so the mods used their powers to schedule a stream on Selen's channel (a stream that wasn't intended to actually air, it was just to get people's attention), and then spammed a link to DokiBird in the chat when people asked "wasn't she terminated?"

Doki had a normal (re)debut stream, basically letting fans know that she was okay, she was indeed bullied but she would not name names. She had found a new manager, who told her she would no longer have to pay for sponsorships out of her own pocket. The reason that she went to the hospital was because she made an attempt on her own life, but now she was in a much better headspace. And all she wanted was to return to normal.

At some point, Nijisanji made a statement to investors that termination of Selen would not affect the company's stocks. Less than a day after that statement was made, the stocks dropped by 10% because of how bad the backlash from the handling of this situation was. The CEO of the company made a video apologizing to investors for being wrong about how this would affect stocks, and that video is largely being seen as the only thing that the company has done right in this entire situation, even if many would prefer that said apology would be directed at Selen/Doki.

Only a few days ago at the time of this summary, three of the remaining EN VTubers from Niji made a video which can only be described as a failed attempt at a character assassination of Selen, in which they claimed to read documents that she had given her legal team about the situation. This was immediately noticed by many fans as illegal as all hell in both Canada (where Selen/Doki lived and worked) and in Japan (where Nijisanji is headquartered) because the documents in question were supposed to remain between only the two legal teams. The three VTubers in question claimed that they were shown the document because they were "relevant to the case" or something along those lines, which has lead many to believe that these three were the ones specifically who bullied Selen.

This video was scheduled to release during a stream in which Doki planned to play Neopets, a game that she had wanted to play for the longest time but that Nijisanji had not let her play (due to Japanese lack of fair use laws). Many fans suspect this timing was intentional to get Doki's reaction live and to produce a freakout that they could then use to prove their side of the story. This plan did not work, Doki ended her stream early to discuss strategy with her lawyer.

And then just today, Doki made what she claims will be (and likely hopes will be) her last public statement on this situation. Again, she would not name names, but she did believe that Nijisanji's actions had gotten some people who were innocent caught in the crossfire. In the documents that she had given to her legal team, she had not included any address but her own (this makes people believe that Niji added the other VTubers' addresses to her document to scare them into thinking she was going to doxx them.)

Also just today, people found a still-active job posting for Nijisanji management of EN talents, in which it was discovered that they: - preferred late-university-level students to any actual experienced managers - required very fluent Japanese, but only conversational-level English, despite the managers in question being for English talents and would communicate to the English-speaking publc. - would be at Nijisanji headquarters, rather than in the same countries as the talents they would be managing.

And that's as much as I personally know at the moment. Many people expect that when this all blows over, Nijisanji will basically kill off their entire EN branch due to how bad the controversy is.

Apparently the Nijisanji situation is so bad, it's being used in REAL TIME as part of law school lessons and mock trials. Actual lawyers are pointing out that this violated several Canadian, Japanese, and possibly more countries's privacy and disclosure laws as well.

Like holy fuck. They have fucked up big time.

There's entire threads on Twitter and 4chan where lawyers are going over the specific violations Doki's lawyers could have a field day with, using Niji/Elira/Vox/Ike's "our side" video as very easy evidence to site some violation or another.

And for the third time, I'm not really into Niji and keep getting into talents right before or after they announce graduation or are reborn elsewhere, strange habit, but 1. I hate companies mistreating their employees, 2. I hate bullying, 3. This is now, honestly and truthfully, one of those literal garbage fires you can't ignore once you gaze at it. Every day so far the hole Niji keeps digging gets dug deeper and deeper-

We're watching a corporation collapse in real time and pay severely for the mistreatment of its employees. Honestly I'm invested and need to see how this shit ends. This has ramifications for the vtubing sphere and even sets precedents for how similar cases like this will be handled in the future.

Doki, I hope you can live a happy life, because I respect the shit out of you, and I hope you get a lot of money out of this that you can do wonderful things with. Thank you for surviving and being alive

#selen tatsuki #dokibird #nijisanji #pr disaster

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reinemichele · 1 year ago

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Okay well um . I started writing this post and it started to get too long and go off topic so I'm going to put the more relevant info in this post and then finish typing the other post tomorrow probably and you can read that for more hashtag erin lore

Tw for discussion of animal death/illness, cancer, and (unintentional) disordered eating; no one is obligated to read this. It'll also probably get pretty long. Again, don't feel like you need to read this if these are upsetting topics for you

Uhhh how do I start this . Um, it's been a bad week. I don't think I've had a worse new years; even when my dad died it had been earlier in the year so we were more numb to the fact he wasn't there.

For the first few days I couldn't eat anything more than toast or crackers and I'd start crying when I tried to eat. I don't really know what the physiological connection is there, but I have to assume there is one. I was having to take my PRN anxiety meds multiple times a day because I was getting so upset I'd get nauseous and feel like I couldn't breathe.

I'm doing better now; today's the first day I felt like I wanted to eat willingly and not out of obligation, I haven't cried yet, and I haven't needed my anxiety meds.

But the day after my cat died, we found a tumor on my dog's stomach. It sounds like I'm making this up for attention on the internet, but it wasn't there before this day. Cosmic irony, god's ire, greek tragedy, etc etc.

My dog is 15, so all of us are against any surgery or chemotherapy, even if we could afford it. My mom works in hospice, so just take my word for it when I say all of us know how much pain and suffering and loss of quality of life that (invasive) surgery and chemotherapy causes for people.

So we just spent the day trying to keep her as comfortable as possible. We rearranged pillows and blankets, helped her move, tried offering her Literally every piece of food that was safe for dogs that we have (cat food, dog food, chicken, roast beef, turkey, ham, cheese, etc), sat down towels when she refused to go potty outside.

I made the decision to not talk about this on here for several reasons. I didn't want to contribute to people feeling sad or guilty over NYE, when there's already so many sources of despair and disillusionment in the world. I didn't want to receive pity; something I've hated feeling since my dad died when I was little. I didn't want empty platitudes of toxic positivity insisting that things would turn around and good things will start happening to me, and I didn't want to be the asshole who wasn't grateful for those empty platitudes. Most of all, I didn't want people to change how they treat/interact with me because they knew. I didn't want to be treated like I'm fragile or need special treatment. (If it needs saying, I still don't want to be treated like that.) I wanted to cry in my bedroom, and then reblog silly posts like nothing was wrong.

It's been a few days since the 30th, obviously. She's having less trouble walking, wags her tail when she sees us again, after a few (absolutely heartbreaking) days of not moving her tail at all. Her appetite is slowly coming back, she ate a little tuna and cat food.

But... the tumor has grown already, in just these few days, and she keeps licking at it, so it's sore and raw. My mom and brother don't want to put her to sleep because she's been improving. I obviously do not want to lose her; she's my baby and my sister and my mother all in one. She was the first pet we got that I picked out. When I leave the bathroom door open, she sits with her back facing the bathroom, guarding me.

But I don't want her to suffer. I don't want this to get worse. I want her to be able to go out with dignity and some quality of life. I don't want her to not have any quality of life left by the time we decide to stop being selfish and let her go.

Two of my friends sent me some money to help cover the cost of putting her to sleep. It was very very kind, and I can't put into words how much I'm grateful for my friends for every act of kindness and love they do for me.

I don't really know how to end this, because I still don't know what we're going to do. I know what I want to do, but it's not solely my decision and I want to respect my mom and brother's feelings. I just know that holding all this in and not talking about it was starting to be... Not Good, as much as I did want to just Be Another Random Guy on tumblr, being annoying about my hyperfixations.

If you've read any or all of this, thank you. Please don't treat me differently because of any of this, and let me post my silly little things like nothing's wrong. That's what's helped me keep it together.

Oh, and it's my birthday on the 10th. I don't want to get into it now (my birthday woes can be its own separate erin lore post too), but every year something bad happens around my birthday, so this is this year's Incident. The only socially acceptable thing I can think to say is a sarcastic yayyyyy consistency <3333.

#erin talks #text #ya go almost 4 yrs on a blog being detached and distant #& then suddenly ya have to have emotions in front of people 🙄 (<- this is a joke)

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randomshitwhore · 2 years ago

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Affirmative Ghost(rider)

word count:2.5k

pairing: ghost x f!reader

summary: ghost made a promise to you on your mission to retrieve a flash drive, and he intends to keep it...

warnings: contains smut(its very bad so my apologizes),[unprotected sex, ghost being slightly dominate and a bottom for my own personal enjoyment LMAO, fingering]

AN: thank you all so much for all the love on Negative Ghost(rider), you guys have made it the most popular post on my page ever, possibly the top post on any of the ghost/Simon Riley hashtags! words can't express how much it truly means to me that you all enjoyed it! so please enjoy part two, Affirmative Ghost(rider). :)

Your mission was a success. You had successfully retrieved the flash drive and caught Hassan in the process. You boarded back onto the chopper with Soap and Ghost, greeted and congratulated by your superiors. You opened the flash drive and looked over the files with Ghost, him hovering just over your shoulder.

“You gonna stick to your word and keep your promise?”You asked, your voice just barely above a whisper. “You seriously asking that question now Eclipse?”Ghost countered, letting his eye burn into the side of your head. “Yes, now answer my question Lieutenant.” You said, skim-reading the files. “I told you, yes. Now copy those files and update me or Soap when you are finished, understood private?”He whisper-ordered, so as not to attract the attention of his and your superiors.

“Yes”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir.”

You walked off the airspace and into the base, praised by Price for your bravery and attitude on your first mission, which you knew was total bullshit on your end. You were scared shitless, trying not to cry, and constantly complained about the amount of time you hung off the side of the building; but he didn’t need to know that.

“Thank you, sir” You smiled warmly, shaking his hand with a firm grip. He returned a warm smile to you. “I hope the gentlemen behind you are treating you well?”Price asked shooting a look to Soap and Ghost, standing behind you at a rest position. “Yes sir. They treat me wonderfully.” You answered, shooting a caring look at both of them. It was true. Those two treated you like gold; always helping you when you asked. It had been that way since you had first started training with them privately; a personal request from Ghost, but that was something you didn’t know.

“Ghost, I feel like I’m not doing this right..”You said, a gun butt placed in between your ribs and armpit. “That’s because you’re not holding it right Y/N,” Simon said, walking over to you and readjusting it to its correct position; the stock to your cheek first and then back to your shoulder. “You hold it like you just did, your ass would be on the ground” Soap laughed, monitoring a short distance away. Ghost took his boot and gently swept your feet apart to fix your stance. “Dont hold it too tight, and not too loose and when you feel ready, pull the trigger, got it?”Simon asked, his masked face just barely brushing against yours.

“Yes, sir” You answered, tightening your grip slighting. “She just call you sir Simon?”Soap asked, rocking back onto his heels and off the fence he was resting on. “Yes, Johnny now zip-” He started but was interrupted by the blast from your gun firing onto the target; just barely outside the first circle near the bullseye.

“Oh my god, I hit it! Ugh, I was so close to the bullseye too!”You said, setting the gun down and turning around to them with a huge smile on your face. “Goddamn, nice shot Y/N!”John said, honestly amazed at your shooting skills. “Did I do good, Simon?”You asked, your smile still plastered onto your face. “Affirmative was a very good shot” He answered. “What does that word mean? Affirmative?”You asked, looking at Soap. “Just his way of saying yes Y/N, he doesn’t act like a normal human being and just says yes or no. It’s Negative or Affirmative, nothing else” Soap answered, just laughing and shaking his head. You let out an amused noise, looking back at Ghost. Although you couldn’t see it, he slowly spread a smile across his face.

You talked with Price a little longer after he released Soap and Ghost back to their barracks about the rest of the mission; going over and encoding files before he sent you off to your barrick. You walked quietly across the base to your barrack until your phone buzzed in your pocket.

New Message from Lt. Ghost

You slid your phone open and tapped on the message.

My barrack hall. 10 minutes.

You clicked your phone off and turned on your heel to Simons’s barrick. You could feel your heart pounding against your chest. Sure, you had seen his face before. You both knew that your relationship was evolving, and you both knew that your relationship was on the border of being unprofessional, at least it would be if you were caught. You reached his barrick around the eight-minute mark and slowly turned the knob. You walked down a long hallway and stopped right in front of his room. You knocked softly on the door to be met with his voice.

“It’s open”

You turned the knob and entered the room. You pressed the door shut with your back, your hand still wrapped around the door knob. You looked up to see him in his black camo army pants, a form-fitting black muscle shirt, and of course; his mask. You could see his skin through the eye holes of his mask, none of his black eyeshadow was present.

“Hi” You whispered, as he walked to you closing the space in between you. “Hello” He returned, now practically pinning you into a corner against the door. He reached his hand just past your waist to push the lock into place. “We dont want any interruptions, now do we?”

You sucked your bottom lip in between your teeth and shook your head no. You watched as his fingers wrapped around the bottom of his mask. “Hey, you promised me..”You pouted. He held his hands up in the air and placed them behind his back. “Apologizes. Please, continue.”He said. You gently smiled as your fingers lifted his mask to show his plump lips; curved into a small smile.

You gently traced the outline of his lips, slowly taking in his features. “What’s your next course of action, private?” He asked, his hands still in place behind his back. You pulled him closer to you, your lips just barely touching. “Permission to engage, Lieutenant?”You purred, making direct eye contact with him. You felt his smile grow wider against your lips. “Permission granted,” He answered. You pressed your lips against him, wrapping an arm around the back of his neck. You felt him shift and felt his hands fall onto your waist, grinding his hips into yours.

This was the most beautiful thing about your relationship; nobody knew it had been going on for over a year and a half, you were honestly still shocked no one thought to ask questions, but you honestly were happy they didn’t. You and Him were able to give looks that only you two knew, and say something only you could understand. He loved that he wasn’t being pressed by questions about what you were going to do when you and he went out together; just saying you were going over plans for the next mission. You both could relax, knowing you were safe in each other presence.

You took your hand wrapped around his neck and removed the rest of his mask, tossing somewhere across the room. You shifted your weight, leading him to his bed; pushing him down. He looked up at you, his eyes dark; filled with lust. You placed yourself on top of him, pressing your lips to the line of his jaw. His hand slipped up the back of your shirt, rubbing his rough hands up your back. You trailed your lips down to his neck, leaving love marks along the way. Lucky thing he has a mask, imagine trying to explain those to your superiors.

“Y/N..” He said, letting a small low-pitched whine out of his mouth. You reached the base of his neck, forcing him gently down onto the bed. “Simon..”You teased, edging him on. “You look so beautiful from this angle,” He said, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. You flashed him a smile that was quickly replaced by your eyes shooting wide open, him flipping you over; putting him on top.

“But you look even better from this one” He whispered, his lips grazing the bottom of your ear; sending a chill down your spine. He placed his lips on your neck, leaving as many marks as he could; he didn’t leave them too deep. He’s a gentleman after all.

You pushed your hips up and into his, wanting to get even the littlest amount of friction. His lips molded into a smile on your neck, letting his hand trail down your side and to your cargo pants. His hand took two quick pinches to unbutton them and slip his hand down. “Permission to engage?”He teased, using your line from earlier. You let out a small laugh.

“Affirmative ghost rider, permission to engage,” You said, taunting with your line from earlier in the night. He let out a laugh into your ear. “You’re never going to let me hear the end of that, are you?”He said, his free hand brushing against your ribs. “Negati-Oh” You started but were interrupted by his digits slipping into your pussy.

You bit your lip to keep a moan from coming out, pressing your hand over your mouth as an extra precaution. You could feel his fingers moving in and out of you as you fought to not let him hear how much you were enjoying it. You felt his hand wrap around your wrist and pull it away from your mouth, letting a small moan escape your lips. “Doesn’t that feel better, darling?” He said, planting a kiss against your lips. You could feel your stomach tighten with every pump of his fingers. “Si-imon, I’m gonna…Oh my god,” You moan, your hand gripping his bicep with your palm as you felt your eye roll to the back of your head. “Let go Y/N, let it out” He whispered in your ear, placing a new mark onto your neck, and that was enough to send you over the edge. You felt yourself tighten around his fingers and let your nails dig deeper into his bicep as you let yourself go underneath his fingers.

You looked down at him to watch him slip his muscle shirt slowly off his body. You took the shape of his toned torso, curves, and scars; his biggest insecurity but the thing you loved most about him. You took your fingers and traced one on his waist. He had told you he got that one trying to save you from the apartment complex you were held hostage in.

He watched your hands smooth over his stomach, nothing but pure love and admiration behind your eyes. “You're so beautiful..”You breathed out as he sat back on the balls of his feet to slide your cargo pants and own shirt off, not breaking eye contact. He smiled warmly at you. Although he never admits it, and probably never will, he loves it when you call him beautiful.

You dragged your hand down to his cargo pants and looped a finger into his belt loop, gently brushing your fingers against his own arousal. His breath hitched at your fingers brushed back and forward against him. He narrowed his eye at you, trying to figure out what your next plan of action was. You looked him in the eye as you warped the rest of your fingers quickly around his belt loop and yanked hard on them, pulling him down to your level and placing yourself on top of him.

“Tell me I look pretty from this angle again,” You said, your hands fidgeting with his belt loop. “You look pretty from this angle..”He breathed out, taking in the swollen shape of your breasts. “Just pretty?”You teased, lifting yourself up slightly to slide his cargos off; leaving him only in his boxers. “Gorgeous, Amazing, Breathtaking…”He named as you placed yourself back on top of him.

"Do you think you deserve this after leaving me outside in the cold?" You said, playing with the waistband of his boxers. You could feel him squirming underneath you, wanting you to touch him; practically on the verge of begging. You loved seeing him helpless underneath you. It gave you a sense of power. “No," He weakly confessed, sliding his hands back and forth on your thighs. “How much do you want this?”You asked, edging him on. “So bad..”He answer quickly, his hands squeezing into your thighs as you dragged his boxers down to his own thighs.

“Beg." "Please,"

“Please what?”

“Please ma’am,” He said, practically almost moaning it out. He was so weak under your touch and he knew it too. Again, he would never admit it, but he loved seeing you take control. He loved the way you felt as you were in control.

A blunt pressure stole the air from his lungs when you finally sank onto him, his cock spreading you wide open. He was so glad you were on the pill; it let him feel every part of you. Your throat let out a small whine, his fingers digging into the side of your hips, leaving you listening to his satisfied grunting. “Holy fucking..”He breathed out, looking up at you through his eyelashes. He could see a shit-eating grin on your face, just watching him unfurl underneath you.

You started to rock your hips back and forth gently, making your pace faster with each thrust. You watched as Simon became pussy drunk completely under you; that sight brought a smile to your face. Your nails scratched down on his tattooed arm and your back arched in response as you heard possibly the most pornographic moan escape his lips.

He watched as you continued to thrust yourself into him at a brutal, punishing pace, leaving him clinging to you helplessly, letting the moans escaping his mouth grow louder with every thrust. “You're such a...Oh, my fucking..” You moaned out, tangling your hand with his own, watching his eyes roll into the back of his head. You vaguely heard him curse out under his breath, his own end approaching much faster than he wanted. “You wanna cum, pretty boy?”You breathed out, feeling your own stomach beginning to tighten. He nodded in compliance, unable to form a coherent sentence. “Together, okay?”You said, watching him nod back again.

Both your hands gripped onto each other's bodies as you both came to your release. His hands definitely left a bruise from how tight they were gripping onto your hips. He could feel his back arching off the bed, your name leaving his mouth at least ten times, riding out his high. You watched as a smile spread across his face once he started coming down from his high, causing you to laugh a little.

“What?”He said, the smile still plastered across his face. You just shocked your head and laughed. “Just you being absolutely in love with me, I know that smile,” You said sliding out of him, laying down, and planting a kiss onto his swollen lips. He snaked his arms around your waist, pulling him closer to you. “I love you,” He said, placing a kiss on your ear. “I love you too, sweaty man” You giggled, wiping away the sweat on his forehead and planting a kiss there before he fell into a deep sleep on your chest.

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angabby-zzz · 6 months ago

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ok back on this point since i think i can make an okay thread on this now....

so ive mentioned the update about angel moving schools very early into elementary. tbh i dont have any idea for where specifically he went but it wasnt a very major move ig? (like this is all in the same state and like. city 👍)

and that isnt like very important on its own ig. like he was a pretty normal kid those first 2 yrs. like hes always been quiet and kinda shy but like. hes literally just 5 years old its ok. probably did have 1 friend or person he hung around with but the bond wasnt so strong since everyone kinda just knew each other or yk

but then jonah came along. and idrk what happened but basically they moved and ines n jonah were part of his family even more than before. or something. anyway yk. new school. hes like still shy and even more so cuz hes going to a new school. but its not bad. he would have a friend in 1st grade eventually but they split up. same thing happened in 2nd grade. either cuz of switching schools or being held back. but idk it was cool he didnt totally fit in but also he was still included enough and had someone to play with

but then 3rd grade is where it got like. Bad. he had no friends. something weird was going on with his ability to stay awake and focused. which didnt help at all when he started to struggle with what they were learning in class. so idk like it was just Not his year. like yk it wasnt Super Mega Ultra bad like suddenly he cant stay up for more than a few minutes or anything but you could definitely tell smth was up. at first it was like kinda chalked up to be some kind of early bloomer thing. like some kind of shift with how much sleep he needs or smth. which like was alr. but the focus and struggling was different. he would ask his mom for help at home obvie but when she would recommend asking his teacher for help as well instead of waiting he would just nod along but like. not do that anyway whether it be cuz he was too anxious to or he just like. forgot that was an option in the moment ig. not rlly helping that he also feels like. bad about how hes doing yet cant figure out whats wrong with him [this is when his interest in drawing kinda kicks off cuz he doesnt rlly care for reading but he does want to make some kind of thing to be there for him when he needs cheering up or distraction]

anyway yeah that happens and nothings rlly improving and his teacher eventually is like yeah no hes just not showing a very good grasp on anything etc etc id recommend he repeat the grade. which is like very shocking to irene cuz she didnt think it was That bad. but anyway she takes this in2 consideration. and like she has this conversation with angel about what hes been goin thru n how he shouldve said more about it and whatever. so he finds out abt how he'll be redoing 3rd grade and hes like so sad. and like idk that happens. then irenes like also were gonna do a sleep study 2 c if like that can tell us anything

which it like. totally does and turns out hes hashtag narcoleptic. n yeah idk. except irenes too like idk. afraid to get him on any kinda meds since hes so young so they just like work on managing his sleep schedule n stuff n like figuring out ways to keep him not so distracted n everything esp for when school rolls around again

[i should also mention those symptoms from his adhd are like kinda just thought to be from his narcolepsy? like oh you cant focus in class. its cuz youre tired i bet. your hand eye coordination isnt that good. its probably cuz your brain is too tired to work properly like that. idk. like it kinda works out since hea got the less active side of adhd]

so then yeahh it does and angels like. stressed out cuz hes gotta get used to new people and like doing everything over again. but also hes gotta lock in. which is kinda hard when you think about that first bit again. but anyway yeah

the first few days are like whatever. cuz you dont rlly do any type of work anyway since its. the first few days. but idk he still doesnt talk to people that much cuz he isnt sure how to insert himself into conversations or friend groups. or when he Does try to say hi it never goes that far and he ends up sidelined by people. so he just kinda stays alone still. which is like. fine ig. like great. but like eventually he does get tired of it and hes like so sad. like it finally sets in ig. hes like alone somewhere at recess and he kinda just has a tiny crying session (which gabby happens to see but also shes busy playing with her friends and like doesnt wanna make anything awkward or make a scene so she just like leaves him be. however this bit onwards she totally does have him like under her eye. like its not rlly tht hard when you have the same class together but yk. maybe she makes a note of trying to get on his team during activities. or asking more questions about work in class when she notices him looking kinda down. idk)

so idk. maybe 2 or 3 weeks go by since the first day. and idk maybe gabby and her friends have some kind of breaking up over something? not rlly sure what but it totally does have gabby rethinking her friend choices since this seems to always happen with her. but then she like remembers like hey yk what. that quiet boy has no friends. and now i have no friends. its like worth a shot ig. like maybe itd work out better having a small group instead.

so yeah she just goes up to him and is like Um hey. whatr u drawing 🙂 and he gets all like shy about it like oh.....um ..... nothing...... idk...... and shes like oh cool. ok. can i sit here. and hes like sure.

so they both just like sit awkwardly in silence for a bit until gabbys like sooo whats ur name. and angel tells her his name. and shes like cool im gabriela. and hes like cool. and idk ig they start to talk abt stuff like Sooo umm r u new i like havent seen you around b4 (like as in b4 that year) and angels like ☹️ oh no i just like. had to redo the grade idk. im not new. been here since 1st. and gabbys like oh cool 👍 ive always gone here.

n idk what else they talk abt its like very icebreaker type stuff. but then they have to go back to class and gabbys like wanna walk w me :) and angels like sure yeah :)) n yk

pre-posting edit of sorts im like sure theres more i couldve written or whatever but im not working on this thing anymore bruh. hope i didnt make any mistakes cuz im not rereading this 😭😭😭

i think maybe gabbys problem in elementary was less of a "people didnt like her" thing and more just... she wasnt one of the most social or "popular" kids and was a pretty awkward girl even if she was kinda cheerful and nice to people. like she was just. there ig. if it werent for angel she prob wouldve just alternated best friends every year or something cuz she Could fit in with the cool people just not for that long

#oc lore #the rare occasions where i get tired of my own drafts like this #brooo

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midnightswithdearkatytspb · 4 years ago

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VelvetCardiganBucky’s Recommendations 2021: Week 17 | April 18th – April 24th

Welcome to week 17 of my recommendations, if you would like to be featured on a future list, I follow the hashtag #VelvetCardiganBucky, message me, tag me in your future works, or reblog this post and link to your story, one-shot, Masterlist, writing challenge, etc.

Be aware some if not most stories and writers on this list are meant to be consumed by an audience of those 18+. My blog is also an 18+ blog.

✨Page breaks are made @firefly-graphics✨

«Last Week

Week 18»

My Masterlist

My Fic Rec List of Mafia/Mob Bucky/Sebastian & Steve/Chris/Andy

Stuff I Posted This Week

Forever & Always: Stage 1 - Denial | Pt.1 » Bucky Barnes x Witch!Reader & Platonic Avengers x Reader — Y/N “Birdy” (nicknamed by her family), comes from a long line of witches and warlocks, living her days at the New Avengers Compound, alongside her friends. The Avengers are part of her family and her family is always welcome to the compound. Things for once seemed to be going well now that all was right from the attack on Thanos, everyone was alive, all was forgiven, friendships were thriving, that all ended when Birdy’s brother came calling with sad news, their mother had suddenly passed. These are the stages of grief Birdy faces, through the loss of her best friend, her protector, her mother.

His Favorite Day » Chris Evans x Reader — Chris’s favorite day of the year is your birthday.

Bucky Barnes

One-Shots:

*No Hidden Messages by @jobean12-blog » TFATWS!Bucky Barnes x Reader — Sam sends you a picture of Bucky and the endgame is priceless. | Honestly I love me some dominant Bucky, and if Sam had sent me that picture I would have dropped my phone and been like yep that my babe. I was thinking something more dirty but I’ll keep that thought to myself. 😉

Sucker Punch by @buckyblues » Boxer!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader — Bucky thought he knew what was his, until he accidentally let it roam free. | Someone come dump a cold bucket of water on me please?

Someone Like You by @startrekkingaroundasgard » Bucky Barnes x Hydra Agent!Reader — Taken from their SHIELD prison cell, the reader finds themself alone with The Winter Soldier negotiating for their life. | I really enjoyed reading this, the sass of the reader and how Bucky handles them. It’s just so perfect. Nicola says there is more to come for this pair and I’m so very much looking forward to it.

(Mini) Series:

Happy & So Happy by @mrwinterr » Rockstar!Bucky Barnes AU x Female Reader — You meet your favorite artist and get more than what you bargained for. | The smut in this is hot and by the end you are hoping the reader gets a happy ending not a tragic one.

*A Tender Heart 💜 Pt. 3 by @river-soul » Alpha!Bucky Barnes x Omega!Reader — You’ve been sweet on Bucky since you started working at the compound six months ago. Normally quiet and mild mannered, an unexpected fight with a coworker brings Bucky into your orbit. [A/B/O dynamics and explicit sexual content, 18+] | I feel the love that is radiating from this story and I really love it and the little bit of smut we get in chapter 3 is perfect!

the (after) party by @buckycuddlebuddy sequel loft music » fuckboy!bucky barnes x reader — “why don’t we have this thing they call goodbye sex? one last time.” he leaned forward, his lips brushing your ear. “i’ll make it good for you.” | In some strange way it was therapeutic to read this but at the same time I felt bad for the reader in the first part. Second part you are rooting for her but still feeling bad. I will say the smut in this is perfect.

Just Like Dad Pt. 3 🦾 Pt. 1 🦾 Pt. 2 by @ladyfallonavenger » Bucky Barnes x Reader — Bucky finally confronts Steve and moves forward with his life. | Very sweet ending and I loved it.

Sweet Dreams 🥞 Pt. 4 🥞 Pt. 5 🥞 Pt. 6 🥞 Pt. 7 by @jedimastermelkor » Bucky Barnes x Reader & ? x Avenger — Your daily routine involves waking up in the morning, going to work and sulking at night. But then you meet the man you’ve fantasized about for your entire life, Bucky Barnes. At the same time, you’ve caught someone else’s eye and his first step in winning you over is to cook you breakfast. But will you be welcoming of that person’s affections? | I like how she named the puppy Pancake and the first thing the mysterious avenger gave her was pancakes. I don’t want to give too much away but things are getting really good and you find out who the mysterious avenger is in chapter 6!

Steve Rogers

One-Shots:

*Caught by @giorno-plays-piano » Bluebeard!Steve Rogers x Reader — If he kept you warm, saying words of love to you every day while he looked you in the face, you’d marry him even if in a year he hanged you just like all his wives in the dungeon of his castle. | It’s dark but in a soft way and it’s so good. I highly recommend you go and read it.

Drabble Request by @angrythingstarlight » Mafia!Steve Rogers x Reader — We find out how Steve and Reader met before they ever got in a relationship. Takes place before Tell Me What You Want. | I loved this so much, I was laughing and pictured this whole piece so vividly in my brain. Also I just want a part where Bucky teases Steve about that night in front of reader making her giggle, maybe at the wedding?

(Mini) Series:

*Yuánfèn 📖 Pt. 4 by @writerwrites » Steve Rogers x Reader — When you’ve lost everything and try to run away from your problems, you keep finding a way back to the one person who completely understands. Can you make another person happy with a broken heart? | I always look forward to the updates on this story. It brings me so much comfort and the relationship that is blossoming between the reader and Steve is beautiful and organic. I highly recommend this.

Misc.

Headcanons:

*Just Like Her Old Man by @rebelwrites » Chibs Telford x Reader — I asked for: Parents get called into school for a meeting due to their daughter fighting, and trying not to be proud. Taking them out for a treat after the meeting. | It turned out so great. If you knew me at my Sons Anarchy Days, you know I loved Chibs the most. This feed my love for him even more. Thank you Heather!!

One-Shot:

*A Simple Solution by @sweetlyscared » Andy Barber x Fem!Reader, Ari Levinson x Fem!Reader, Andy Barber x Fem!Reader x Ari Levinson — You and Andy had a purely sexual relationship for several months, and you’d started to grow attached to him. Unfortunately, life has a way of complicating things, and a chance encounter at a bookstore had you stuck between a rock and a hard place. | We all owe a huge thank you to Sweet Lee, for writing and posting this. She wrote our dreams out so perfectly, and if you haven’t thought of this now you can. It’s just so hot and good, I for one am very thankful.

(Mini) Series:

*Give In 🐈‍⬛ Pt. 23 🐈‍⬛ Pt. 24 🐈‍⬛ Pt. 25 by @overr-written » soft!dark!Lee Bodecker x Reader — She didn’t think she was anything special. So when the intimidating Sheriff takes an interest in her, she can’t help but feel a little unsettled. Her boring life is about to get a little interesting. | I love this series so much and the lengths that the chapters are. I really am going to be sad when this is over. I don’t ever want it to end. 😭

Seal Team

One-Shots:

Imma Take Care Of Your Body by @rebelwrites » Clay Spenser x Reader — Reader is the only female member on Bravo who also has a no strings attached relationship with Rebel. | Let me just say this is hot, like really hot. Give me a glass of water and let me cool down. Thank you Heather for blessing us with this.

Tier One Babysitters by @bravo-four-seal-team » Seal Team; Ray Perry x Naima Perry — Ray and Naima ask the team to watch 6 month old Jameelah. | I promise you will be laughing.

You Are Perfect by @rebelwrites » Clay Spenser x Reader — Clay tells you everything he loves about you. | As a big boned girl this meant a lot and has me wishing for a Clay Spenser to call my own.

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recurring-polynya · 2 years ago

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Writing/Art Update 1/17/2023

I’m on break this week.

The last two months have been really stressful for me. I don’t meter my own stress levels well--I knew I had some stuff I wanted to get done in early January, and I knew that the holidays would take up a ton of my time and energy, so I started early and tried to clear out my schedule and worked very hard. I met my goals and also made myself extremely miserable.

This is one of those things that, if given the choice, I would rather just skip Christmas. That’s not an option, tho, so I’m declaring right now in advance that I am not going to try to get anything done next December.

Anyway, I made it thru Renruki Week and somehow managed to do something for every day, even though I told myself I didn’t have to. I was working up until the last day of it, and so I’m sorry for all the things that showed up at the end that I haven’t reblogged, but I noped offline immediately after I finished my last thing and haven’t really be able to bring myself to get back to it. I’ll try to catch up in the next few days, and address my AO3 comments, as well. Here is a convenient link to all my Renruki Week content, but you can also check out the more general RenrukiWeek hashtag or the Twitter version and see all the stuff other cool people did.

In the same week, I also managed to finish the first draft of my first big assignment for my volunteer gig, which I’m pretty excited about. Polynya, you might say, did you really need to do these things simultaneously? The answer is no, but I really wanted to make a good showing on my first project, and also I make bad decisions.

The other thing that happened is that my eight-year old decided during Christmas break that she wanted to turn over a new leaf and completely clean out her room and strive toward keeping it clean in the future. I think this might have been inspired by the week of cleaning I did leading up to New Year’s. In any case, when your kid wants to clean, you do not hesitate, so we have been cleaning like mad for weeks now. Her room looks great now, and we’re working on the downstairs playroom that we want to convert into a second computer room, so that the kids aren’t constantly stealing my husband’s desk to play Minecraft.

Also, I’ve kinda gotten into houseplants? I’m reading a book? And I made some bad sourdough breads today. You know, now that I type all this out, I feel like I’m describing a manic episode. I’ve just been doing a lot. I would like to do less. The thing I would like to do less of the most is feel like I am under pressure to do stuff. What I really just need is some “leave me alone” time, so that’s what I’m doing right now.

Even though I’m de-prioritizing my writing, my actual, sincere hope is that by not forcing myself to write, it will actually give my brain a chance to come up with some ideas. I’m hoping to work on the next part of Heart is a Muscle as my next project, and I’m toying with the idea of re-reading all the previous parts, something I used to a lot, but haven’t done in a while.

Anyway, I’ll be around, and I’m sure I’ll do some reblogs, but I don’t really aim to do much Tumblr stuff in the near future. Hopefully, I’ll be back eventually. I’ve closed my Ask box for the foreseeable future, possibly forever.

That’s enough of my boring, dumb life. The only other interesting thing I’m up to is that Mr. P and I are re-watching Vision of Escaflowne, which I am very excited about. Maybe now that’s Bleach is back, I can give that up and start hyperfixating on an even older, even deader anime.

#writing update #art update #life update

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