#What on earth and hell and actual purgatory. THIS IS PERFECTION. THIS IS JUST. THIS. THIS. THIS. THANKS.

[magnusbae]

The durasteel fingers that hook into Obi-Wan's mouth are firm and cold. The lingering scent of engine oil and ozone is near tangible on the tip of his tongue, it tingles, making his toes curl involuntarily.

It should be an unpleasant reminder of the war, a reminder of his failure as a Master. Instead, a shiver runs down his spine. Excitement and anticipation to see how far Anakin would push. How much he'd demand in his shameless petulance. 'But Master,' he can hear him say if he was to attempt and stop those advances. If he was to stop him.

It happens less and less often, the actual stopping. Allowing Anakin more, and more, and then more yet again. He should be embarrassed by his own willingness to indulge in this insanity. Should be, but isn't.

There should be shame over his harsh breathing, there should be regret at the heaviness in his undergarments, there should be control, there should be serenity, there should be— "Ahnakin" he exhales harsher yet, more a groan than he'd care to admit.

His former Padawan had taken a firm grip at his jaw, jerking his face to the side with the Mechno-hand. He truly, without a doubt, should be stopping Anakin from so blatantly marking him as his own, teeth and lips and tongue. He should. He doesn't.

Obi-Wan should not allow such power over himself, should not allow such possession, such greed. Should not— "Ugh-" he bites at the durasteel finger, arousal punching through his gut as Anakin nibbles at his neck. Sweet and gentle like a loth-kitten, Anakin's tongue is quick to follow with small licks. The affectionate care is devastating, Obi-Wan should stop. He should— yet he will not.

teething-puppy.png

A gift for my beloved @magnusbae ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡).

[cossmoluck]

FINALLY finished this

turns out soon means one week+ in my little lizard brain, that's cool

anyways!!! meg

megalo don content,,, food

also, as a treat for making myself take so much to finish this, some of my AU lore rambling thing under the cut (warning, pretty long)

in my design, most of his exterior Nitro armor is removable, being an extension of the augument inside his body, which pumps Nitro both through his lungs and bloodstream, crossing from front to back through his torso. His tubes would be attached to certain openings around his body, which could also have 'lids' put on for safe closing. Every area where the Nitro pumps directly into his body would have 'Nitro burn'- a less proeminent glow than the one in his fueled up form. I, as many others also do, like to think that his mask actually comes off (I haven't drawn him unmaksed yet, but I'll get to that too eventually). One headcanon I have is that when you take his medallion in game, what you take is actually his mask and use it.

For his body I went for a slightly leaner strongman build, as he doesn't seem way too bulky in his non-fueled form, but he's still considerably bigger than most others. I tried to give him a 'scarred shark' look, and gave him burn scars on one arm from a misfiring Nitro Fist hit accident

also his hair look so so fluffy in game and for WHAT

(note, this is all to be taken as an AU. i am by no means well versed enough in Fortnite lore to make something close to canon or actual on point headcanons lol,,, tl;dr at the bottom!!)

i feel like the whole theory with Meg and big chuggus being somehow related is true, but not necessarily in the way others present it usually i don't think they're snapshots of each other in any way, i just think that they've been basically created 'for the same purpose', maybe in the different 'realities?' I'm not 100% sure how the zero point reset worked considering Midas was technically the same and all

so let's say Chaos had created the Slurp legends and Slurp creatures back during the GHOST/SHADOW conflict i like to think that Meg might have been created sometime during then too- a more refined variant of the technology used on big chuggus, enough for him not to end up as brain dead as big chuggus himself (sorry big chuggus)

Megalo Don could have been a fleet leader for the naval forces, as he has an overall very reoccurring military theme with his insignia and stuff. Maybe he was hired by Chaos to aid him and willingly allowing Chaos to modify him into the 'perfect leader', boosted by slurp into near perfection I believe his Oasis style would be what his 'original' look was, with Slurp coursing through his pumps instead of Nitro

so how did he turn into the Meg we know? during the GHOST/SHADOW conflict, his crew got destroyed, probably, and they somehow ended up punished to the Pandora's Box, but not dead like Midas, just punished there I like to think that there is not only one Pandora's Box, technically, and that they're basically some sort of even higher security 'prison' for things deemed disasters under certain circumstances, putting mortal beings into their own personal hell. The ones imprisoned in the Pandora's Box arent necessarily 'dead', like shade Midas in the Underworld, but they're not alive in the full sense either. This particular Nitro filled Pandora's Box sprouted there, leaving behind veins of pure Nitro in the depths of the earth through which the Box had erupted.

in the Pandora's Box, stuck in an infinite purgatory loop of fighting and dying, the slurp that fueled his crew quite literally rotted into Nitro, and Megalo Don himself basically 'rusted' from the rot. The Nitro, essence of death, in a way, compared to Slurp, slowly and surely altered Meg's brain, turning him from a calculated leader into a terrifying tyrant, with nihilistic views regarding his crew and conquest, as he saw them all die over and over again… Another case of 'rotten' slurp beings being Sludge, maybe, as he could perhaps be read as a Slurp creature gone 'bad' (slurp to nitro)

Meg's mind got clouded with the only thing he could comprehend anymore- Nitro coursing through his veins, through his ship, through anything in the living hell he experienced in the Pandora's Box. (Ultrakill flesh prison sounding aah) Obtained by conquest or murder, with destruction being the only method he could even comprehend using to get it, his very life seeming to depend on Nitro at that point, and being released into the world again brought him bo purpose than to seize back all of his Nitro and keep fighting more and more

after he and his crew escaped from the Pandora's Box, Meg had intercepted a boat droning the Island from SHADOW, which had went to scout out Helios after Midas' escape from The Underworld, unaware of the Pandora's Box opening right then, and getting caught in the sandstorm. Meg had just the luck to capture Chaos (or a snapshot), the very man who had taken away his humanity and turned him into a (now) Nitro-fueled beast. From them he also took the island plans, which helped his crew settle in as fast as they did, the Redline Rig digging for Nitro the very moment they got there and the Nitrodrome building itself over the abandoned Fencing Fields, repurposing the fizz machinery there into the dome's car destruction traps

i also like to think that Meg has a father/daughters bond with Scarr and the Machinist, with the Machinist maybe being one of the original scientists on Chaos' team, whom had helped him stabilize his new equipment at the time, and Scarr being a dedicated member of his fleet since before getting banished into the Pandora's Box. Initially, both Scarr and the Machinist would have admired him for his courageous leadership and respected him as a leader, but through their decline in the Pandora's Box, their found family bond only strengthened, with the two of them being probably his only subordinates he actually cares about

i also like to imagine that he had made most of the transmissions particularly silly in hopes of having them tune in on either patrol or at the Nitrodrome and make them laugh with the over the top commentary

tl;dr: i headcanon megalo don as an ex-slurp legend made by Chaos who had rotted to nitro in the Pandora's Box. His Oasis style is what he looked like pre-Box. Also the Mechanist and Ringmaster Scarr are his found family daughters

[idjits-areus]

So I finished 14x07 | Unhuman Nature for the first time earlier and I had made another post about the three dad's and the hospital here. This is going to be about Dean and Jack's road trip that they took.

To start this off Jack and every right to want to do the stuff that he said. Get a tan, see a hockey game, get a parking ticket, and get bored. I particularly love the parking ticket idea because a) he's a year old, and b) he can't drive. Yet, somehow it makes perfect sense. Why shouldn't he be able to do all those things? And he's telling Dean all this with the mindset of 'He's never going to me leave.' The thing is that Dean doesn't disagree. He actually encourages it and he takes Jack out of the bunker and basically for a drive.

The first thing that they do? Jack drives Baby. Like, The Baby. Dean's Baby. The Baby that Dean doesn't let people drive if he's still kicking and he just throws the keys to Jack, who has no driving experience what-so-ever, and says "Hey. why don't you drive?" This is-Dean barely even let Sam drive her. The only time he really did was when Dean went to Hell and purgatory. Every time after that was sprinkles. Dean still mainly drove, so to have Jack drive with no experience is amazing. And Dean was being a supportive, encouraging, patient dad while teaching Jack to drive! I loved it so much.

And then they stop and are eating burgers on the hood of Baby and Dean goes, "I know of a bar near here, little low on class, but high on hook-up potential. Personally, I've never missed at this place," and I immediately had flashbacks to Cas' 'last day on earth' shebang. These are my exact words I said to my phone as I watched this, "Dean. You better not take Jack to a brothel like you did Cas. You can do better." I really hoped that he wouldn't do it, which he didn't thank god. That would've been super uncomfortable for everyone.

And then finally, the fishing in the river. Jack's idea of a good time. He remembered Dean telling the memory of him and John fishing and Jack read into it as a super happy memory. To be fair it probably was. But just the fact that he decided to do this is amazing, adorable, cute, and painful. What basically Jack is saying that Dean is the equivalent of John and Jack is the equivalent of Dean. Meaning that Jack considers Dean as his father. That's so good but ow. And then Jack has to go "I'd miss more time with you" and that hurts because he knows he doesn't have much time left and you know Dean's internally beating himself up over this. Dean just started truly being his father and now he's going to lose him.

God I love this episode.

[cyeayt]

Mormon Hell!

I have stuff to do tonight but why would i when i could make a post explaining the mormon afterlife (as i was taught it)

prelife

we all lived with god in heaven in our heavenly bodies, until lucifer and the exodus n all that

we travel through the veil and lose our memories of our heavenly families and bodies

earth

we have free will! yipee! you have a few different options here. live according to the principles of the gospel, be baptized at 8, be a missionary and a productive worker and raise children after being sealed with your spouse in a temple, teach and lead if you get the chance. do all that but with less enthusiasm dont get sealed. be aware of god and be baptized and be mediocre. be baptized and leave the church. be baptized, leave the church and disavow it, dedicate your life to disproving it, torment members of the faith. die before you're 8. die before you learn what mormonism is. know what mormonism is but never participate and be a decent person. know what mormonism is but never participate and be a bad person. die and get baptized by your descendants after death.

die. what happens next?

purgatory. or spirit prison. theres two versions. one is where you just chill (and i once heard you get to be a holy ghost and help guide people), or go to jail where they teach you how to be good and you have the change to redeem yourself.

the second coming! mormons will never take any war or disaster seriously or try to do anything about it, because strife and hardship mean the second coming is near!

zion! (yikes) 1000 years of heaven on earth, the resurrection of christ was like a free trial of this. everyone is alive again and everything is perfect. supposed to happen in the garden of eden, which is in missouri. yeah i know. the church is helping fund the genocide in palestine also. we suck, go to protests n keep posting.

judgement day!

where can you be judged to?

the celestial kingdom! beautiful sunny top tier heaven, for eternal families sealed together in the temple! people who go here are the ones who will supposedly eventually get to be gods of their own universes.

the telestial kingdom. second tier heaven. kinda boring, better than earth and you get to talk to jesus but not god. you go here if you were pretty good but never got sealed with an eternal family. i assume that unbaptized babies and people who were baptized after death also go here.

the terrestrial kingdom. third tier heaven. basically more zion. no jesus or god but maybe angels. i think most people go here.

and finally

perdition! the outer void! eternal suffering! well actually as i was taught, eternal suffering is only for the souls who followed satan out of heaven in the exodus before any of our lives on earth. even if you really really sucked, youd get thrown into the outer void, which to me always meant your soul getting ripped apart by the vaccum of space and your eternal spirit ceasing to exist. you have to be really really bad to get here. even like murderers and whoever get to go to the terrestrial kingdom. so, souls who followed lucifer out of heaven, and people who were allowed to be born but who dedicated their lives to serving satan. souls here are the only ones who will not be allowed to receive the glory of god, even after they are resurrected.

in other words, who wants to be a child of perdition with me?

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Okay I know there's lots of feelings about Sam stopping hunting while Dean was in Purgatory. But here's the thing, what he did was actually the sane thing to do. He had zero idea where Dean might be, and with no leads, Dean wasn't in Heaven, he wasn't in Hell, he wasn't on Earth, there really wasn't much for him to do. I still agree that in the context of Sam and Dean it was a shitty move on his part, because for them sane is not the right thing to be. "Normal" in Winchester Brother Land is to tear down reality until you find your brother and make sure he is safely tucked right next to you. Even though Dean has told Sam repeatedly that he wants him to get out and live a normal life, the fact that he tried, while Dean had been running and fighting for his life for a year, is a knife to his heart. It is not sane, it is not rational, but neither is Dean. And honestly, neither is the writing on this show all the time. That's just a real life fact that we cannot ignore. But I love this show because it is insane, just like I love the Winchester brothers because they are insane (and hot).

But Dean's reaction to finding out that there was a girl while he was gone... tell me again that there's nothing weird between these two?

Dean: Hmm. So what was it, hmm? What could possibly make you stop just like that? A girl? Was there a girl?

Sam: The girl had nothing to do with it.

Dean: There was a girl.

Sam: Yeah. There was. And then there wasn't. Any more questions?

The way this scene is filmed, the cuts back and forth and the looks between them, Sid and Nancy, Thelma and Louise, Butch and Sundance, Mulder and Scully, all the couples they've been conflated with, this is why. This weirdness right here in this scene. And I love them for it.

Because while there was a girl, as soon as Dean called she was left behind. Sam wasn't really with her, not really, he was in a holding pattern, unsure what to do. He had been left completely alone for the first time ever and had no idea what to do. So he found someone nice and clung to her like she was a life preserver, until the SS Dean showed back up to rescue him (yes, I'm making a ship joke here) and pull him out of the water.

Season 8 Sam, while crazy hot with his perfect season 8 hair, wasn't ready to live without Dean yet. It'll be the better part of a decade still before he is.

[runawayfuture]

As someone who was raised Catholic, the term "Catholic guilt" never made sense to me. I was always taught that:

God's love is unconditional and infinite - we are his children and he wants us to be happy. He doesn't expect us to be perfect, he just wants us to do the best we can

Jesus died to save all our souls because he loved us so much that he wanted us to be able to be with God forever in a place of eternal joy.

If you're sorry for the sins you've committed, God will forgive you. Confession is a way to make that "official"

Sin is anything that causes us to turn away from God. There are two types of sin, basically "mild" and "severe" - the worse type, mortal sin, is where we cut ourselves off from God completely. If you die in a state of mortal sin (and there are very strict parameters for what counts as a mortal sin) and you aren't sorry for doing it, then you go to hell, which is eternal separation from God, but

God doesn't send you to hell just for commiting small sins. He really doesn't want you to go to hell, because he loves you; it's not something to be paranoid about. The only reason you would go to hell is if it would actually be worse for you to go to heaven because you basically wouldn't be able to enjoy it knowing that you died in serious sin (like how in Genesis Adam and Eve were embarrassed to be in front of God after they ate the forbidden fruit because they had disobeyed him and they felt bad about it)

Likewise, purgatory is a place where you go to be cleansed of your sins so that you can be with God without dwelling on the bad things you did while you were alive

Anyone can go to heaven. Being baptized and going to church and praying and stuff just makes it easier to get there because you're knowingly accepting God's help

Our existence on earth should NOT be comprised entirely of suffering and unhappiness. The reason suffering can sometimes be a good thing is that it helps us remember that earth is not perfect like heaven is and gives us incentive to focus on the spiritual aspect of our lives, but it's also good to enjoy the things of this world because God created them for us and made them enjoyable on purpose

Like, none of that seems like something to feel guilty about? Maybe it's just different people reading different things into it, but to me it was always "you are infinitely and endlessly loved and all you have to do in order to be happy forever is to love back."

[moxfirefly]

37.  "See what happens if you rub your ass on me like that again."

47.  "I know we're just friends but you're sitting on my lap and I'm so sorry if I get hard."

I'm an idiot and forgot to put the full prompt so here! For donnie with a gn reader :3

Sjakdkfwlend of this is gonna be FUN!

Rated Steamy?

Torturing Donatello should be a professional hobby and if it was you were the president and CEO of it.

Honestly at this point it was more so about seeing how quickly you could get him to squirm. It would all be easier if he just confessed to the piece of information you had found out about a few months back.

A little birdie turtle had snitched to you that Donnie was basically head over heals for you. Raph could be quite the gossip if you caught him in the right mood. Truth be told it was kinda obvious but it never hurt to make sure.

And thus your torture games had taken some fun twisty turns. Currently speaking of said torture you had waltzed into his lab and found the nerd playing some computer game. A nice change of pace for his usual workaholic tendencies. You were intrigued and asked him to let you play a round, naturally he’d said yes.

So you scooted into the space between him and the desk and sat on his lap. Donnie went rigid, immediately into ‘where the fuck do I put my hands’ mode. Grabbing the controller you set out to play the game, every so often re-accommodating in your ‘seat’.

This was hell and yet it was heaven for him.

Ok maybe somewhere in the middle of Purgatory because yes, you were sitting on his lap and wow you were just so pretty and warm and where the fuck does he put his hands??

“Anyway you can illegally send me this game? It’s a lot of fun” You smiled, fingers gliding over the controls. All Donnie could do was make a choking sound that sort of sounded like a ‘yeah yeah’. During an unexpected moment there was a jump scare in the game, startling you enough to bounce just so on his lap.

It was the first moment in his twenty plus years on this earth that he started praying.

Distractions, he needed distractions.

“If you head down the corridor there’s a secret level” He sounded somewhat strained, which only served to make you smirk to yourself.

Each jump scare, each second you adjusted in your seat, it was a second closer to Donnie feeling like he was going to combust. The embarrassment alone not to mention that you would probably think him to be a pervert.

Also why did you have to smell so good? That shampoo really did wonders. Trying to make the best of this odd but nice situation, he took the moment to admire bits of you he couldn’t really get to do so. The back of your neck, the width of your shoulders, that adorable birthmark. The little huff and puffs of frustration when you lost. Something so minuscule as how pretty your ears were.

Donnie often thought about kissing little odd sections of your body. Like the middle of your back, the inside of your arm.

Your thighs, all of your thighs.

Your rear.

He swallowed, face heating up. Your brows shot up.

Donnie blabbed out before you could maybe just ignore it. “I know we’re just friends but you’re sitting on my lap and I’m so sorry if I get hard” He slapped a hand over his face, lifting his glasses up along the process.

Then you had the actual audacity to start laughing which only made you move more on his lap. He reached out and gripped your waist firmly. “Oh my god, this is too much!” You leaned back, still in a fit of laughter and rested against his plastron, from your side view you could see him honest to god pouting.

“Hey it’s a natural biological response, right? I’m not upset by it” If anything you mentally were sweating, the size of it was...

Blinking out those thoughts you tapped his chin with the controller. Donnie turned enough to be able to look at you, brow ridges still knitted in the middle with frustration. “I’m sure I’d be going through something similar if I had you on my lap” You smirked triumphantly when he raised his brows.

“Y/n im not exactly thrilled to be telling you that I’m... that I’m into you while I have a freaking boner” He closed his eyes, groaning that this his actual life right now.

“Don boy, I’ve been subtle about it for a while now, had to break the big guns for this” You shrugged, trying not to laugh at his expression of despair.

Big guns, eh?

Donnie through caution out the window for this, a means to at least get the upper hand for all this time of torture you caused him. Placing a hand on your cheek he pulled you in and kissed you. Your eyes went wide, surely not expecting him to have it in him to do this.

So you kissed him back, even at the slightly odd angle, you kissed him and tried to hold back the excitement of it all. Donnie’s lips felt absolutely perfect against your own, and for his lack of experience in the department he seemed to be doing a really good job at this whole kissing business. Those large hands of his fanned out across your stomach, making your skin feel nice and prickly with desire. Your hand found the back of his neck, fingers playing with the tails of his mask. When you felt his tongue against your own, you were sure your brain exited the premises. A soft kiss soon turned into a hungrier one. The hard ridge of his length against your rear, his hands gripping the skin of your stomach and his tongue all served to turn you on.

Donnie pulled away with a wet pop, lips parted and a little breathless. Now it was your turn to blush and be at a loss for words. He bucked his hips just a tad, a not so attractive whine escaping your mouth.

Slowly he pushed back onto your feet and got up. The towering terrapin looked down at you.

“See what happens if you rub your ass on me like that again” He spoke with a harsh little swallow. You stood there, speechless.

Donnie turned feeling his pride swell at getting the upper hand this time.

Even he left with a funny walk and made a be line to the bathroom.

[dirtydancingdean]

✨ fic recs ✨

ok so back in like 2014 i watched supernatural for a solid 3 years until they killed kevin and charlie and i got bored of the bmol storyline. now im here again let’s not talk about it. BUT during this time i accumulated a Lot of fic and in the past two months i’ve gone through all 213 of my bookmarks and gone through like every rec list made after s12 in order to read fic set during every specific season while i rewatch the show. because im insane <3 im on s8 rn and wanted to share my list of favourites from each season so far as well as my favourite aus ! they’re all generally nsfw so minors be careful, and also check the warnings ! and i will update this when i finish s15 <3

aus

asunder by rageprufrock (23.8k, e, background samruby)

obviously the most perfect thing to ever exist. 

and this, your living kiss by opal_bullets (56k, m, background saileen)

poet dean fic need i say more. part dean studies if dean studies was elaborated on lovingly in detail for 56k words, part gorgeous and beautiful poetry, part incredibly clever commentary on meta and fan allusions, and part stunning exploration of the relationships in the show turned on their heads.  

one white little lie by komodobits (11k, gen)

this is SOOO cute. cas is so embarrassing i was covering my face the entire time i was reading it. if u want to be cheered up. read this. 

broadway musical by griftings (12k, m)

this is genuinely sooo funny. big “castiel did you fuck the michael sword” energy and jimmy novak as that “am not against gays” tweet, plus jo <3

c-s-t-l by komodobits (90k, m)

i haven't read this in a while but from what i remember it was incredible and also had cassie <3 

rest is under the cut because it got long fhjfkfklf

pre-series/season 1-3*

a turn of the earth by microcomets (time travel, 95k, standford era, m)

i think everyone’s read this at this point but if u haven't. what are u doing. go read it. it’s absolutely everything i reread it in the week before the finale without remembering half of the stuff it talked about and i was a WRECK. if u think about standford era dean every day read this. cas punches john winchester in the FACE. 

geography by aeli_kindara (3k, teen and up, warnings for discussion of rape/non-con and prostitution)

not dean/cas but a really wonderful and needed conversation with sam and dean during 2x02.

season 4

so says the sword by komodobits (85k, e)

yeah. i dont need to say anything.  

consequences of falling by fayjay (37k, e, background samruby, warnings for rape/non-con)

THISSSS FIC. pls it’s perfect literally everything i wanted when i was watching s4 and obsessed with love as an act of worship + ruby and cas parallels. ruby and cas get drunk together! ruby says this: “dean and castiel sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes the fall from grace, then comes battling the hosts of hell and wishing that you’d managed to get your skinny ass laid before the freaking apocalypse”! what more could u want!

named by rc_machlan (94k, m)

literally the best fic in the world i am not going to say Anything if you love dean and angels and the mythology of s4-s5 that was promptly dropped, you absolutely have to read this.

four people ruby seduced & one she actually fell for (or: ruby's epic love affair with humanity in general and sam in specific) by tuesday (3.7k, e, samruby, ruby/jo)

this is more background deancas than anything else and does contain brief, not romantic in any way dean/ruby and dean/cas, but like. if u love ruby (which i do) u have to read this.

season 5

final fantasy by orange_crushed (1.9k, m)

endverse.....this made me want to die

the (mostly accidental) courtship of dean winchester by tuesday (11k, m)

a classic for a reason. really cute and soft and the handprint and cas beating dean up in 5x18 are angelic marriage rites. what more could you ask for.

the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock (15k, explicit)

of Course i mean of COURSE. thee s5 deancas fic.

strike me down and i’ll come back more powerful than you can possibly imagine by trinityofone (10k, gen)

post 5x22 dean and cas rescue sam from hell with the help of some special guests. PERFECT. the only valid good omens crossover.

season 6**

something stupid by zatnikatel (20k, e)

this broke my heart and put it back together. one of my favourite cas characterizations, takes place over s5-s6 and it’s just stunning. 

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (11k, teen and up)

s4 cas ends up in the body of cas in 6x20. fucking life-ruining.

season 7

make known by domesticadventures (16k, teen and up)

this is a really heartbreaking look at dean’s headspace near the end of s6 and throughout s7, and it’s really wonderful with a hopeful ending.

redemption road by a whole bunch of people (652k, virtual season, explicit)

oh boy. ok. know ur herstory ! this was written from 2011 to 2012 and it is thee s7 fic, a virtual season written by 17 fans all together. it’s very very long and it suffers sometimes from having being written a decade ago, but im making my way through it right now and it still fucking holds up. i really do recommend reading at least some of it, you can stop around halfway through and you should be fine.

season 8***

rinse, repeat by ias (3k, teen and up)

exploration of cas when naomi forces him to kill copies of dean and then his perspective in goodbye stranger.

my keeper by whelvenwings (5k, gen)

another goodbye stranger fic, this time with bonus artist cas!

though the course may change by imogenbynight (51k, e)

au after 8x23. i love this fic so much. dean accidentally ends up making himself have to go undercover with cas and pretend to be fake engaged. also, charlie and kevin. do i need to say more.

apres by imogenbynight (24k, e)

au after 8x23 where dean goes to find cas after the angels fall in paris 🥺

*i have found exactly one bela fic that i loved, and zero henriksen fics that i loved, so IF u have recs for those. i would appreciate that.

**mostly the s6 fics i read were uh...vampire dean fics...

***have found one (1) good dean/aaron fic but im still searching for the perfect purgatory crew fics 

[stardustnfreckles]

To celebrate the DeanCas100k on ao3 here's a list of my all-time favourite Destiel fanfictions:

CANON VERSE

A turn of the earth Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Early seasons!Dean keeps meeting Cas at the most random moments, till he isn’t anymore... Definetly a must read.

In the shadow of your wings

Set after the S11 finale. Dean kinda breaks Cas’ heart. Because sometimes he can be thick SOB. The Cas finds a new shiny and witty italian boyfriend and Dean’s not happy about it. and now Sam is missing, Mary is back and Dean has a mixed bag of feelings he has to deal with. Probably my favorite canonverse ever.

Like moses and batman and James Dean dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas.

A masterpiece in characterization by saltyfeathers. I loved everything, The dialogues, the flashbacks, the way Dean and Cas emotions are portrayed. There’s angst and internalized homophobia but also confort and IT IS JUST SO GOOD OK?

The best bang for your buck It’s not like Castiel knows who this GotImpala67 person is. There’s no personal information listed on their profile. Except that they’re male, thirty-seven, from Kansas and, apparently, they like inserting things inside themselves.

Cas plays dumb even tho he really is not and I love him for it. Dean is the kind of buyer who leaves detailed reviews of the products he buys (which is the best kind if you ask me) I love the writer’s style and their sense of humor. It’s short although I never get tired of re-reading this one. Also Bring up the deep & Till the juice runs from the same author are with mentioning.

Kisses by sunflowers beds by fanforfanatics & Watched by K_K_TiBal

This two fics have a on thing in common: At the end of both you’ll be asking yourself how can less than 5k hurt you so much?

I cried, then I smiled and cried some more. This fics will crush you in the best way possible.

Take me home country roads The most IC Deamon!Dean I’ve ever read. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions.

What’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles aka queen of post S15 fix-it fics

That black dog ache A simple case turns Dean upside down as he attempts to deal with the effects of a particularly strange love spell.

The perfect gift Castiel has a big problem concerning Dean... thankfully, Sam is always around to help

Really short Crack!Fic about Cas being clueless and adorable.

So says the sword by komodobits

Actually I suggest to go on their ao3 profile and read EVERYTHING.

The profet must die

Dean starts reading Chuck’s book out of curiosity and ends up having a epiphany about his apparently not so much platonic relationship with a certain angel of the lord.

A room of one’s own All Dean wants is a little privacy. Cas doesn't understand.

It mostly smut with a bit of healthy angst and great amount of humor.

My Roots Take Flight After forty years in Hell, Dean’s more than willing to accept the offer: become a guardian angel and earn his freedom. But his new ward seems destined to hunt alongside Sam, and there are secrets in Heaven that the angels don’t want found out. Dean’s going to have to choose between his duty and the people he loves- and to work out just where Castiel fits in.

Reverse!Verse set in season 4. It’s interesting to watch their relationship develop even if the roles are reversed.

The hands that bind me Dean is struggling with adjusting back into the civilized world after a year of fighting for his life in Purgatory. He's going to need some angelic assistance reining in his darker impulses.

If your’re into BDSM/Sub!Dean/Dom!Cas/Hurt/Confort/Dark themes then that’s the fic for you.

What has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? Dean is an octopus 🐙 and it’s weird but also kinda sweet.

Cuckoo and nest For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb�� sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. it puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

Established relationship/ they’re really bad at communication/ fluff / hurt confort

Put up your dukes Dean can't sleep. Cas offers to tire him out.

Along my restless palms Ever since Cas started staying in the bunker, Dean’s been having these crazy dreams—dreams that feature him and Cas in absurd, tawdry scenarios like something out of a filthy paperback. Dean chalks it up to exhaustion, or some monster messing with his head, anything to ignore the real cause: Cas in his personal space, in various states of undress, and, wow, way more muscular than Dean would’ve expected. But if it’s just physical lust that’s the cause, then that’s an easy fix, right? No big deal. There’s definitely nothing else that his subconscious is trying to tell him. Absolutely not.

last but not least Pretty much anything by xylodemon. The atmosphere and the way characters are portrayed are *chef kiss* There are a lor of case fics and they really feels like actual episodes from supernatural just way less omophobic and more fun.

[beesandwasps]

@glowbhead​: Actually — and keep in mind that I am an atheist with a very public contempt for religion, this is not apologetics — it was part of a deeper philosophical consideration of the implications of Christianity than 99% of modern Christians have ever actually undertaken.

Consider the idea of Heaven for a moment: what do the people there do all day? Modern believers basically imagine heaven as a continuation of life on Earth but with a supernaturally impossible removal of unpleasantness. But that doesn’t make much sense — you won’t be hungry any more, and your pleasure in eating is largely driven by hunger. You won’t need to sleep any more. You won’t even get tired. No point in relaxing, therefore. You have all eternity to play, so you’re eventually going to get bored with them. Sex has biological components which would be dubious to expect to continue in the afterlife (and in any case Christianity frowns on it as recreation). Even artistic and academic pursuits would eventually get boring — with an actual eternity to work through, for any given size of canvas (to take one category) or length of manuscript (to take another) eventually every possible arrangement will have been created. And then what do you do? You still have eternity left to sit through! This sort of un-thought-through heaven eventually turns into a punishment because of boredom.

(Please note that there’s some inconsistency in the whole idea of heaven — although in latter centuries “you have a nonmaterial soul which separates from your body on death and is immediately judged, and the population of heaven grows over time” has become the majority view, even in the Roman Orthodox Church which claims to have continuity from the very beginning of the religion, the early Christians didn’t really believe that. That’s why the Nicene Creed has the bit about how Jesus will “come again to judge the living and the dead” and affirms belief in “the resurrection of the body” — the original orthodox belief was a more materialistic one, that when the world ends everybody will be resurrected physically and then people will be judged, and hell will be a physical location in this world where all the people who are judged guilty will spend the rest of eternity, while the earth will be refurbished and perfected and most people not in hell will actually have their paradisiacal afterlife on a physical earth, which will be connected to a physical heaven, while living in physical bodies. Only a few people canonically went to heaven before this, and the orthodoxy was that they went in the body, not as ghosts. But the dualist model with nonmaterial souls took over fairly quickly and has been the official version for a very, very long time — for instance, it’s the model in Dante’s Divine Comedy, begun in 1308: people who are dead are already in hell/purgatory/heaven when the character Dante — still alive — travels through them, even though the world has not ended. As with the US Declaration of Independence, a huge number of Christians constantly recite the Nicene Creed in church and claim to believe it, but haven’t actually given any thought to what it actually says for a very long time.)

The theological response to this is that when you go to heaven (or otherwise judged Good-with-a-capital-G), You Are Changed. (Which, in a certain sense, means that heaven is pointless — if you’re not actually the full and complete “you” when you’re there, why bother with a reward and the hassle of preserving “you” at all? Why not just make an angel with no free will that looks like you, give it your name, and save the effort?) The saved, said the theologians, would have all things which are evil or even just “base” purged from their being, and would be entirely and continually Good. This meant that people in heaven would derive endless enjoyment from doing officially Good Things. (And it ties into the epistemological idea that the ultimate purpose of humanity is to praise god, which is actually an idea Christianity did inherit from Judaism for once. To normal people, being a glorified cheerleader for anything at all would get somewhat tedious after, at the absolute outside, a few years. But if you’ve been turned into a kind of meat robot with no free will, then hey, you can keep singing the same hymns for a million years without even getting annoyed that the tone-deaf person one row over has been a half-key flat all along.)

But orthodox Christianity’s concept of Good and Evil is extremely binary; the only reason things ever seem morally gray to us is that we (and every single thing about the world we live in) are fallen and corrupt and broken. If we had god’s moral sense, we would be able to convert everything into strict good/evil binaries, which are not merely different but in some way totally opposite, like matter and antimatter. (And god further has the ability to somehow separate out the good and evil and force one into the other… which really makes it strange that, assuming the creation myth to be true for a moment, god didn’t just fix things after Adam and Eve sinned. You can spin it all you like about how god had deeper plans, but the fact remains that in both the orthodox Christian tradition and the Jewish tradition it stole from, god did not want any of that to happen and was deeply disappointed when it did. At least in the Jewish tradition god isn’t presented as omniscient and omnipotent — the Christian conception of god as all-powerful makes a mockery of its own mythology.)

So: if you are truly Good, you can’t just be, you know, passively good, doing good deeds and living a blameless life, it follows that you must actively hate and fight against Evil. And therefore: if you are Saved and have been changed to be fully Good, it follows that you will hate those who were Condemned and are therefore proven to be Evil. Which means that, no matter what your relations may have been with those people before you were both judged, you will now hate them and delight in their suffering. Your friends? Your siblings? Your own mother and your own children? If they were damned — which you can’t possibly be sure about at any point while you or they are alive — then you will cheer every time they take a pitchfork to the genitals. You will have no choice. It will be a combination of a trip to the circus, your favorite movie, and your town’s sports team winning the national championship.

And that is why modern Christianity couldn’t stomach that piece of orthodoxy and has abandoned it.

[sinnabonka]

It’s spec time: Love always wins

(Okay, I promised it, I’m doing it, there’s no stopping me now.) 

For the last three days I’ve been all over the place emotionally, clinging to every post saying Cas is not dead dead, saying his story is not done, but then someone wrote the “but” post and, there I go again, down the bottomless pit of angst. 

I’ve been a Schrödinger believer for so long with this show, one can get used to it. 

I know I’m not the only one feeling this way, regarding whether Cas is coming back or not. We won’t know till we know ©

Ep 19 speculations here

But let's speculate!

Apparently, there's nothing better for me to do way past midnight on Saturday and on Sunday morning (when I’m writing this). 

What makes us think 15*18 might indeed be the end of Castiel’s story:

Everything the crew and Misha told us, officially, is pressing toward Cas dying permanently in this scene. “Proud ending”, indeed. 

Castiel’s story has the perfect symmetry this way, with the handprint, the “Hello, Dean” - “Goodbye, Dean”, and the whole “Dean Winchester is saved” theme.

He is smiling, while Empty takes him, he’s content with his sacrifice. 

Something about Castiel’s monologue didn’t sit right with me for some time. The whole point of happiness being not in having, but in being and saying, gave me an idea of it being the way writers say we can’t have Destiel, but we should be happy to know it’s real and to hear it said aloud after all those years. 

Supernatural had to be the story of two brothers and their journey, and Winchesters driving in the sunset is the most probable endgame we are gonna get. 

Even though all those points seem valid, we can’t trust any of it. 

Let me fix it for you:

It wouldn't be the first time the crew lied about someone being on set. 

The handprint was not scripted. I repeat, the handprint was not scripted.

Castiel’s monologue could be just about loving Dean, and it’s just my poor wounded heart looking too deep into it and seeing my angstloving reflection on the bottom of the well. 

And Supernatural might indeed be about family, but, as we know, family doesn’t end with blood, and doesn’t start with it either. Cas is family, after all. 

I’m glad be are clear on this one.

What tells us Cas is coming back and we are getting Destiel endgame:

(Brace yourself, it’s gonna be wordy)

1. The most obvious, without rewriting his memory or going OOC, there’s no happy ending for Dean (not the crappy bittersweet substitute) without Cas. 

Even without the love confession in place, we’ve seen what Cas’ death did to him before, it shuttered him to pieces. Imagine the damage it's gonna cause now! 

“I love you, I always did, bye bye now, have a long and happy life knowing my feelings for you have killed me dead.” Really? No win can make up for it.

2. My fave point, aka the natural dynamics of storytelling. The big loss predicts the big win. The deeper the wound, the brighter the prize. Following the roller coaster this season has been, we should be up for a pretty high damn up pretty soon. 

So, there’s The Big Loss (losing Eileen, all of their friends, all the people on Earth and Cas). 

Next - The Big Win (defeating God, getting their free will back, getting humanity back). 

Then, we should have The Big Regret and Reflect moment (Sam and Dean talking a lot at this point, realization of things which are important, what they want with Chuck gone). 

And at the end, there’s The Ultimate Happy ending waiting for us (see point 1 again in case you are not sure what that means).

3. You know what, forget it, this one is my favorite. The parallels. Throughout this season we’ve been spoon-fed with context (Geez, it feels nice to finally know we are not crazy, we are not seeing things, we got it all right!) and writers chose to do so via parallels, via reflections, subtle hints. 

It would be some lazy storytelling to shove everything to our faces, so, instead, we’ve got: Charlie and Stevie, Sam and Eileen, the world and humanity, Dean and Cas. 

Everyone separated. Forever? No, not really. And I don’t buy everyone getting their loved ones back, except Dean. C’mon.

4. Unresolved love confession. Yes, Cas might have died with a smile, meaning it’s enough for him to speak his truth and be gone. But Dean? Him sobbing in the dungeon, ignoring Sam’s calls (he literally never chose anything above Sam before), the “Don’t do this, Cas” part - it’s the lowest he’s ever been. 

To sum up, Dean didn’t get his closure. He might have needed five to six business days to process, but he still has his truth he has to find out and then give a voice to. 

And yeah, I know, he could confess via prayer or something, but we all know that’s something needed to be said face to face.  (Btw, he already confessed to Cas in purgatory via prayer once, you can try and prove me wrong, but good luck with that, sunshine.)

5. The perfect symmetry. If I were in SPN writers room, I would literally cry my eyes out of joy at the symbolism this ending gives. I would literally fight everyone against it. 

The broken man not deserving to be saved is dragged from Hell by the most loyal and righteous angel Heaven ever seen. 

VS

The fallen angel not deserving to be loved is dragged from Empty by the most loving and caring man the sun shone on.

I mean, c’mon, people. Poetry.

(We are nearing a very important thing here, fasten your seatbelts, please.)

6. The message the show wants to give the world has changed. From “it’s all about the journey, about saving people, killing things, no one ever gets what they deserve”, the philosophy has changed drastically toward the “good things do happen, you deserve to be saved, to be loved”. 

Come and see what lane we are walking right now: allowing yourself to love again, to experience things again / losing the love of your life a moment later / fighting for your love / winning your love back. 

I believe the final message is: love always wins. 

Love is not one’s weakness, love is power, love is strength, it’s a perfect fuel. 

Humans declare war in the name of love, kill and get killed in the name of love, but, most importantly, humans live and win those wars in the name of love, too. 

7. Go big or go home is on the table, and no one goes home this time. 

Supernatural was a bunch of broken glass for soooo long, I think this time writers are gonna give us something good, for a change. Not bittersweet good, but actually cotton-candy-almost-diabetes-sweet good.  

Why? 

Because *loud and clear* we deserve having good things happening to us! 

Also, it’s The End, the creators have nothing to lose, but, on the other hand, the ultimate happy ending would allow them to leave an enormous mark on the world and Supernatural to be known as the only show that actually could.

To sum up:  

Dean can’t be happy with Cas gone and, following the logic of prebuilt parallels, he won’t have to - everyone gets their loved ones back at the end, because love always wins. 

Cas might be at peace with speaking his truth, saving Dean and being gone, but it is not fair, Dean also deserves a chance to be heard. 

Few seasons ago I would laugh in my own face for these arguments, but the philosophy of the show has been transformed. During the last few years we were being prepared for this moment, slowly, gently being led toward this moment. 

Supernatural has to give us the Destiel endgame to prove their point.

click x click for more

[luciferloveschloe]

goodbye, lucifer (but not really!)

I cannot BELIEVE that I just watched the last episode of my favourite show.

I usually cram everything I have to in tags under gifsets I reblog, but for this final season I'll go through the pain of actually writing shit down. I'll try to keep it short, and I'll try not to ramble. (Edit: Did not accomplish that.)

what i loved

SCREAMS

God, soooooooo much!!

Deckerstar baby

Okay, so when Rory showed up in the trailer I was like "Ugh, another annoying angel? Meh." FORGIVE ME, my sweet murder child! Of all the things I thought they might do, a Deckerstar baby was DEAD LAST on my list. And a daughter no less, I just... When she says she's Lucifer's daughter, I was like *SCREAMS*, but when we learn she's Lucifer AND Chloe's daughter, I completely lost it. My boyfriend's on a trip with his friends this week and I'm sooo grateful for that, I made the weirdest, loudest, ugliest noises while watching this season, I ran around our apartment like a maniac, I squealed and laughed and cried and just generally lost my mind. But when she says that?? Oh my God. Also the way Lucifer reacted when Chloe shows him the pregnancy test? Straight outta fanfic.

Lucifer being a father

Oh my God?? I've always said he'd be the BEST father, and actually seeing it on screen... I love the parallel of him being ridiculously over the top with Rory at first, just like God and Lucifer in S5. The way he looks at her when he sees her playing the guitar? Their duet?? Instantly one of my favourite scenes. Them driving in the Corvette, their last day together, how he keeps her from killing Le Mec? Just murder me.

Established Deckerstar

All the hugs and kisses?? The declarations of love, the besotted looks, the absolute power couple we got? Their look from Maze and Eve's wedding, OH MY GOD???? Just, these two are so pretty and we got SO MUCH. Also, their scenes with Rory?? I just love them so much...

(More under the cut!)

Ella's storyline

I wanted a reveal for her so badly, and the way it turned out was brilliant! I loved her figuring it out for herself and calling everyone out lmao. I especially loved poor Carol returning to that room full of shocked people. They had some GREAT punchlines and gags this season, absolutely hilarious! I also love Lucifer's parting gift for her and that she finally found a good one with Carol.

Hugs, so many hugs!

That's it, that's the paragraph.

The Police storyline

As a white person who has literally never once had a problem with the police, I know this is not my place to say, but I think they did a good job? Not giving into the "a few bad apples" excuse but acknowledging that the whole system needs to change? I also really enjoyed the scenes with Amenadiel and Officer Harris, showing what policework could and should look like.

Maze and Eve's happily ever after

I'm so glad auntie Maze and auntie Eve got their happy ending! And that wedding was a bomb. Also, "You're my hell!", lmao.

Dan's ascend to heaven

First of, great to know his only torture was Belios' lack of table tennis skills. Secondly, how very fitting for the show that they didn't hand Dan his happy ending easily, that he fought and won it for himself. Him as a ghost and him as Le Mec was equally funny, and his talk with Trixie was just perfect, literally tears you guys.

Amenadiel becoming God

I mean, dude's perfect for the job! From the loyal, distant, obeying servant to a God who wants to work as a team with his siblings, who wants the Celestials to experience the human world, who hates injustice and loves fiercely? In this universe, I couldn't imagine anyone better suited to be God.

Nobody misses the case of the week

At least I don't! God, I wish they'd tried this out sooner.

The bittersweet ending

Let's preface this by saying I HATE bittersweet endings. Give me a happily ever after or else. And yet, and yet!! I think the ending they settled on is perfect. Would I have loved it if Lucifer had a life on earth with Chloe, Trixie and Rory? God, yes. Do I get emotional over him being alone in hell, again? Goddd, yes. But still. I so love that he found his calling in the end, that they reunited, and that he actually makes good on his promise from S5 to change the system. Also, I don't care if this is canon or fanon for now, but they totally spend time in heaven with Rory and visit earth whenever they like. And this would have been my ideal ending - them being free to go where they like, and I don't see why they shoudn't. It's definitely more satisfying than just traipsing off to heaven indefinitely, so I really, really loved that.

what i didn't (do feel free to skip this!)

Lucifer missing out on Chloe's life on earth and being alone in hell again. Chloe being left again.

Time travel shenanigans. I just finished Dark and that was enough of a mindfuck. Do not want to think about loops for this show, thank you very much.

Chloe felt a little too housewifey in the first episodes, but it thankfully didn't stay that way for long.

Lucifer and Chloe talking about keeping secrets for a whole episode, and then NOBODY TALKING ABOUT URIEL AND CANDY. I mean, ahhhhhhh! If you don't want to talk about it, then don't, but don't remind people of it constantly and then NOT discuss it. It drives me mad, honestly, how many times they referenced these storylines only to completely ignore them when there were opportunities to resolve them. Ahhh. That's what fic is for, I guess.

Adam. Like, why? Bye, dude.

what i'll keep with me

When someone I'd just met at my boyfriend's cousin's wedding in 2019 recommended this "funny, little show" to me that intrigued them because they were interested in finding their faith, I really didn't think I'd write all this three years later.

Lucifer is my third fandom, and it won't be my last, but it sure as hell - ha - will stay with me. I resonate so deeply with Lucifer as a character because he fights with the idea of God, fights with this concept of a benevolent father that everyone seems to believe in but never fit his experience. I come from a Christian family and studied theology, but somewhere along the lines I had to come to terms with the fact that the faith I had as a child and teenager didn't fit me anymore. I want to believe again, and maybe someday I will, but right now I don't know that. So Lucifer's journey with that meant a lot to me. I'd like to find what Ella did, I guess.

Although I never really thought Lucifer needed redemption, I loved the whole "anybody can be redeemed" message as well. And hell reform! Hell is such a weird, awful construct - speaking as the theology expert - bringing a bit of purgatory in in this universe is really fucking cool.

Also, I binged Lucifer when I was alone in hospital late at night. That experience alone I'll never forget.

So, I guess - thank you!! Thank you to the cast and crew, to the fans who campaigned for season four, to Ildy and Joe, to the writers and the directors and the people who brought lunch: Thank you so much for this incredible show. I'm not ready to say goodbye, not by a long shot, and I hope this fandom feels the same.

Yabba dabba do me, I love my stupid little show!!!

[finaledenialist]

@samwinchestersleftshoe, @theselfhatingangelofthursday, @theangelwiththewormstache; ugh you seemed interested in the idea so... tagging you. 

This is the one fix-it where Dean isn’t actually in Heaven, y’all. 

Something was off.

Dean kept driving and driving and he felt like he was drunk. Drugged. His head was clouded and he felt... Unconscious. Something. Was. Wrong.

He stopped the car and went outside. It was quiet. Too quiet.

What was even this place? How did he got here? The barn, vampires, pain, Sam was crying. Right, he was dead. But... Something about this place. Something just wasn't right.

There was the Roadhouse. And Bobby. Okay, but... He was in heaven before. There was Ash in the Roadhouse. And Ellen and Jo should be there, too. So... Why no one was there? This place felt...

Empty.

Just empty. Too empty. There he was, he, and the impala, and the road and some forest. Basically the middle of nowhere. And Bobby. But Bobby was in his very own heaven, he knew that. So... What the hell?

Something was clearly wrong and he started to get more and more nervous and suspicious and this only assured him he wasn't in heaven. He had to admit to himself he was getting scared and if he was sure of one thing - this wasn't how heaven was supposed to feel like.

Think. Think.

Okay. According to the old rules he wasn't supposed to get to heaven at all, but Jack was the new boss, so maybe that rule has changed. And this clearly wasn't hell. And no, this was not purgatory either. But if it was heaven... Why it was so... Empty? How long was he driving anyway? How far did he get? The road seemed endless and... Pointless. Where was he even going?

Something just didn't add up. Axis Mundi, that's what it was called, he remembered. The road. But that road lead to his good memories, to the people he loved, and this one? This one seemed to go on and on forever, with no one and nothing in sight. Just the trees on both sides of the road. On and on. He was alone. Where was everyone?

After a few minutes he decided to keep driving. He felt he was too far gone to go back to the roadhouse and was willing to give this place one more shot. He drove for what seemed another forever and he was just about to stop when he saw it. Something's changed. The road was taking a huge turn and he saw it. At first only a glimpse, between the trees. It was a lake. And then the mountains on the other side of it.

And he recognized it immediately. And he was terrified. Something was deeply, deeply wrong, he could feel it but not quite name. He stopped the car and looked at the scenery in front of him. It was haunting him in his nightmares, until it was replaced by another one.

This was the place where Cas died 3 years ago, right after Jack was born. Maybe this was hell after all.

And suddenly the memory hit him. Running back from the apocalypse world, to the portal, faster and faster, and then they were back, and he turned around and Cas was just standing there; and then there was light everywhere and Cas was no longer standing, he was lying in the mud and Lucifer was smiling; and then Dean was carrying Cas' body to the house and after locking himself up with Cas he cried, cried, cried and cried for so long he didn't notice when night turned into day and he had no strength left in him to do anything. He felt dead inside. He heard Sam's voice from the distance but he didn't care at first or at all. After forever passed and he managed to somehow numb his whole being with every ounce of alcohol he found in the house; he stood up, looked at Cas, gently caressed his face and he knew he shouldn't be doing this, he knew, salt and burn, salt and burn, but he couldn't. He reached for Cas' tie and he carefully took it off. He stared at Cas' face as he hid the tie in his inside pocket. Bowing down and pressing a kiss to Cas' forehead felt way too natural.

Dean blinked. What on earth was going on? This was clearly one of the worst moments of his life. So why was he reliving it?

Because you couldn't save him and it was your fault, something whispered.

'No', Dean mouthed, but the the memory hit him again. And again. And again. He was completely confused and shaking; he wanted to run but he couldn't really move it was like... It kind of felt like a dream. Like a nightmare you thought you woke up from but it turned out to be a dream within a dream and... And suddenly the scenery changed.

They were in the bunker. It was night, Sam and Jack were already asleep but he and Cas stayed in the kitchen, talking, about god knows what. Dean's focus was purely on wrinkles on Cas' nose while he was smiling and laughing at some dumb stuff he just said. The beer kept flowing, and he was so happy. He knew, right there. After all this time he finally knew. The 'I love you, Cas' almost escaped his mouth a couple of times that evening, but he butchered it in his throat every time. Cas was an angel after all, and he was just a human. He tried to focus on the moment and be happy but the regret came in waves. It was so simple, Dean. And the moment was perfect. Not only this moment, the whisper was here again.

The wave of memories hit him without a warning. He and Cas in a car. Multiple times. He and Cas in the bunker's kitchen. Countless evenings. Countless possibilities.

And then there was Cas saying 'Because the one thing I want... Is the one thing I know I can't have'. A knife into his heart would've hurt less.

'You can't stay Cas', he heard himself saying, and there was Cas, newly human, sitting there, just back from the dead, and all the hope was fading from his eyes when the realization of Dean's words got to him. Dean was heartbroken, but Sam... He had to, he had no other choice, he kept telling himself, but he knew it wasn't true, it was making the easy choice, for once, and the cost was Castiel.

Well, at least now he was sure it was not heaven. He felt cold and scared and he didn't know what other memory is he going to relive next but then he heard it.

'Dean?'

This was coming from the Outside.

'Dean?! DEAN!'

And all of a sudden it was darkness. And then it was like someone turned on the night lamp. Warm, soft light was surrounding him. He was laying on... Well it wasn't ground. It was nothing. He blinked a couple of times.

'Dean what are you doing here?', he couldn't believe it, but it was Cas, hand on his shoulder, waking him up from all these nightmare memories he just relieved over and over again.

'What... What is going on', Dean managed to say, confused. There was just... Darkness. No, not darkness, he knew darkness. It was nothingness. And yet it was loud. 'Where... Where are we?', he asked, trying to stand up.

'Dean, this is the Empty', Castiel explained, 'and you really shouldn't be here'. He looked scared.

'The Empty?', Dean felt barely conscious, 'But how? Cas... Cas, I-'

'You shouldn't be here', Cas said again and looked around nervously, and suddenly the nothingness around them started shaking. It felt like and earthquake, but well, there was no earth. But there was a scream. Very long and high-pitched. And in the corner of his eye Dean caught a glimpse of... Something. He recognized it immediately, this was the black thing that took Cas, right after... Right After.

'Wait.', he said, 'Isn't this place exclusive for angels and demons?', he managed to form a coherent thought.

'Yes',  familiar voice spoke. Dean turned around to see no one other than Meg, standing right in front of him. He opened his mouth to say something but she was faster 'It was. It is. Seems like your boy Jack screwed up some rules. Omnipotent', she chuckled, 'but still confused, I see'.

'It seems', she continued, 'That you, Dean Winchester, died too many times and were too many things in your life to fit a certain label', she laughed, 'And you ended up here'.

Dean was confused. But Cas was standing right beside him and that was all that mattered.

'You know what, actually', she said, 'How about we make a deal.'

'No deals', Cas stepped forward, 'We are done.'

'Since your Jack exploded here, everything is like on fire', The Empty continued, unbothered, 'But the true beginning of my problems was always you, Clarence', she smiled, 'I just want to sleep. At this point I don't care about anything else. I thought I could make it. But with both of you here? No. Not a chance. I am too old to believe that.'

Dean and Cas looked at each other.

'So what then?’, Cas squinted his eyes.

‘I want both of you out of here. And I want you to do me a god damn favour and not die for the next 50 years so I can put everyone back to sleep.’ 

‘This doesn’t sound like a deal’, Dean started, ‘This sounds like a damn gift and those aren’t free in my experience’.

‘If one of you dies and comes here I am just going to release everyone out of here. And I mean everyone. Every demon you killed. Every angel you killed. And they are going to be pissed. Jack made it loud, almost everyone is awake. I want to put them to sleep. But you two troublemakers’, she smiles, ‘Get out of here. I can’t deal with both of you and everyone else at the same time’.

‘You’re just going to yeet us out of here? Back to earth?’, if someone asked Dean what was happening he wouldn’t be able to give an answer. 

‘Yeah. There is a catch though.’

‘Knew it.’, Cas rolled his eyes. 

‘Your grace, Castiel. You’re going back as a human this time’.

Dean looked at Cas, not knowing what to say. Cas looked suspicious.

‘What do you need my grace for?’, he finally asked.

‘Well it made all the angels fall from heaven once, right? I think I can use it to put them back to sleep’, The Empty shrugged, ‘You can give it away or I can take it away from you, the choice is yours.’

[according-to-the-laura]

StackedNatural Day 46: 5x08, 6x07, 9x05, 15x18 (Alternate Title: “Oh God, Oh Fuck, Here We Go”)

StackedNatural Masterpost: [x]

November 5, 2021

DISCLAIMER: I am watching today’s episodes with 4 friends and I will not be staying sober (especially for Dog Dean Afternoon), so prepare for this post to become less and less coherent as we go along. Also, probably will contain just a lot of transcripts of bullshit we said while watching.

Cast of characters:

Me: @according-to-the-laura

Nic: @weedsinavacantlot, who drove 11hours through the mountains to watch despair with us

Meg: @meg3point0, my sister

Charlie: @cherbertlemon, bestie from university

Lyall: Brother-in-law/bestie who isn't on tumblr but enjoys watching us go insane

5x08: Changing Channels

Written by: Jeremy Carver

Directed by: Charles Beeson

Original air date: November 5, 2009

Plot Synopsis:

Dean and Sam are thrown into an alternate universe by the Trickster where they are characters in different TV series.

Features:

Dr. Sexy’s Chekov’s cowboy boots, Japanese game shows, sitcom, police procedural, Knight Rider, Trickster Archangels, Gabriel.

My Thoughts:

This is a perfect episode of Supernatural and I don’t need to analyze it to death so I’ll start with the one actual thought I had and then leave you with things we shouted at the TV while watching.

Gabriel trying to force them to play their roles is him unknowingly walking in his father’s footsteps - he even wants one brother to kill the other, and Cas won’t play along.

During the Dr Sexy confrontation Nic (@weedsinavacantlot) just screamed “BABYGIRL YOU ARE SO GAY” at the TV screen.

Cas: *Appears on screen*

All of Us: *Wild applause and cheers*

Gabriel is so powerful in earlier seasons and not when he’s an ally in late seasons because “the Winchesters have a woobifying aura” - Lyall, my brother in law who doesn’t have tumblr. Also said, “you watch Gabriel do things like this and you’re like, ‘oh, right, you are related to Lucifer’”.

Me: Someone explain why Dean’s lips are so pink all the time

Nic: Whore

Meg (@meg3point0): He has such long eyelashes, too

Nic: WHORE

I think that CSI is a show for dads, and that’s why Cas watches The Wire. Also, sexy of Carver to handhold us all the way to the angel conclusion in the Night Rider scene. Yes bitch, don’t make me do an inch of work.

Me: He looks so fucking short

Nic: He’s taller than me! He’s five foot eight! These guys are just monstrous!

Notable Lines:

“Really? Because I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy is the fact that he wears cowboy boots. Not tennis shoes.”

“Mr. Trickster does not like pretty-boy angels.”

“Sam, starring as Lucifer. Dean, starring as Michael. Your celebrity death match. Play your roles.”

“Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna suck it up, accept your responsibilities, and play the roles that destiny has chosen for you.”

“Well, call it personal experience, but nobody gets that angry unless they're talking about their own family.”

“I want it to be over! I have to sit back and watch my own brothers kill each other thanks to you two! Heaven, hell, I don't care who wins, I just want it to be over.”

“You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was always you! As it is in heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other.”

“This isn't about some prize fight between your brothers or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about you being too afraid to stand up to your family.”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 10

IMdB Rating: 9.7

6x07: Family Matters

Written by: Andrew Dabb & Daniel Loflin

Directed by: Guy Bee

Original air date: November 5, 2010

Plot Synopsis:

Dean becomes suspicious of Samuel's motives, but Sam isn't sold on the idea that their grandfather is doing anything wrong. The brothers go along on a hunt with Samuel and the other Campbells, but things go terribly awry.

Features:

Sastiel fisting scene, discovery of Soulless Sam, Samuel’s work ethic, Sam is a spy, Purgatory intro, Crowley wants the Alphas, Crowley claims to have brought Sam back from Hell.

My Thoughts:

We were drinking amaretto sours at this point and we kind of half stopped watching once Cas wasn’t in it anymore but boy did we say a lot of funny stuff!

Real observances: very fun to watch this episode right after Thin Lizzie. It is extremely funny how different Sam and Len are, Len is just A Guy and Sam immediately becomes a serial killer. Him going to shoot Samuel isn’t supposed to be funny, but god it sure is. Some of Jared’s best acting is when Sam is soulless, and that means something but I can’t quite put my finger on it….

Sam endgame should have been the good version of Samuel’s, running a network of hunters. The lighting in this episode rules! Actual shadows and rim lighting.

Cas: *takes off his belt*

Us: *hysterical screaming*

Nic: FISTING FISTING FISTING. This is all the Sastiel shippers have!

Meg: other than Cas taking Sam’s hell trauma

Nic: And peace of mind

Nic: The only thing that’s going to fix cas is having a baby and that won’t happen for several seasons. Cas literally baby trapped Dean and I think that’s sexy

Charlie: Good for her

Hilarious that when we cut back into the room after Cas checks for Samuel’s soul that he’s turned around with his hands on a shelf, bent over.

Nic: Cas is like “I’m gonna turn this guy into a muppet, hang on a sec”

[A few scenes later] *Dean makes a kermit joke*

Nic: DEAN STOLE MY FUCKING JOKE. Dean Winchester we duel at dawn.

[A few more scenes later]

Nic: God I wish Cas were still here fisting people

Crowley: *appears*

Us: *Wild applause and cheers*

Notable Lines:

“What, you think that there's a clinic out there for people who just pop out of hell wrong?”

“ You're not gonna hold me, Dean -- Not here, not in a panic room, not anywhere. You're stuck with the soulless guy, so you might as well work with me.”

“This is a vessel. My true form is approximately the size of your Chrysler building.”

“Now, when we "freaks" die... where do we go? Not heaven, not hell. So?”

“Well, if the old man's Kermit... whose hand's up his ass?”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 7.0, and it would probably be lower if I wasn’t having the time of my life with my friends tonight.

IMdB Rating: 8.1

9x05: Dog Dean Afternoon

Written by: Eric Charmelo & Nicole Snyder

Directed by: Tim Andrew

Original air date: November 5, 2013

Plot Synopsis:

When the only witness to a couple of mysterious murders is a dog, Dean performs a risky spell to help him communicate with canines.

Features:

Taxidermy, eating cats whole, Dean casts Animal Friendship, weird bad animal voices, Dean wants to fuck a poodle, Sam gets suspicious.

My Thoughts:

This episode was the epic lows part of the “epic highs and lows of Stackednatural” and we had to have it on mute for the majority of the episode because I have a 9 old puppy who gets jumpy at night and barks non-stop when she hears other dogs. So we just drank another amaretto sour and ate homemade pie by Nic and Meg.

It’s bullshit that Dean isn’t still scared of dogs (hellhounds!! Ripped him apart!!) and insane that in the Ezekiel arc that someone gets fatally injured every episode. How have you all survived this long as hunters?

We spent this episode missing Cas and wishing that Amazon Prime had a 1.5x speed option so we could move faster and get to Despair and party time faster.

You can tell that Supernatural like to queercode their villains because this chef dresses like Nic.

The only funny part of this episode is Dean accidentally playing fetch with Sam. Dean wanting to fuck a dog cancels that out.

Dean: I don’t have the urge to sniff butts

Dog: Not yet

Us: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW

Notable Lines:

*Weird British accent* “Screw the sharktopus”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 1.5

IMdB Rating: 8.6

15x18: Despair

Written by: Robert Berens

Directed by: Richard Speight Jr.

Original air date: November 5, 2020

Plot Synopsis:

With the plan in full motion, Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack fight for the good of the common goal.

Features:

Jack makes the Empty loud, Billie brings Jack back, Dean wounds Death, love interests vanish, Thee Confession.

My Thoughts:

Incoherent thoughts on this. Don’t know how to rank it as it causes me indescribably pain but also it’s brought me the most emotion I‘ve had in years.

Gotta focus on non-confession stuff first so quick rundown:

This is the third time that Cas has watched his son die. Billie is amazing as Death. I love Jack and I love Rachel Miner. They invented and killed a girlfriend for Charlie and disappeared Eileen so that the episode would have beginning-middle-end loss of love interest. Sure is interesting that Jack made the Empty loud and God has a new ending to his death book and they don’t care about Jack because he’s useful. CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HOW THIS TIES INTO THE FINALE.

I like to think that Charlie’s collateral damage speech was directed at Buckleming for Charlie 1.0’s death. “I’ll go with you” means “I love you”.

Obviously the writing of the reunion is perfect, Misha is great. The editing is piss poor and I FIRMLY believe that that was on purpose to hide any and all of Jensen’s acting. I’ve watched 86 episodes of this goddamn show since Sept 10th this year and he just doesn’t stand there not doing anything for that long ever. RELEASE THE TAPES.

Notable Lines:

“I can't stop this. I'm coming apart. I don't want to hurt you. Don't let me hurt you.”

“ It's over. The plan. My destiny. I was ready to die, and I wanted to. For Sam, for Dean, for the world. I wanted to make things right. And now... I don't know why I'm even here.”

“We don't care about you because you're useful or because you fit into some grand design. We care about you because you're you.”

“So, what, is she just some collateral damage to you? Is that what I'll be, too?”

death defying”It's you, Dean. It's always been you. Death-defying. Rule-breaking. You are everything I lived to set right. To put down. To tame. You are human disorder incarnate.”

“It was Chuck all along.”

[Insert entirety of confession speech here.

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 9.8

IMdB Rating: 8.8

In Conclusion: I wish to God I was always watching Stacked in a room full of people who are as insane about it as I am. So much fun. Even though we’re all crying now re: confession.

<< Previous Day | Next Day >>

[sortasirius]

Reception

AN: thanks Chad you inspired me my brother. It’s a fix it, shocker lmao

The ceremony itself is quiet, peaceful, intimate, with only the most important people in attendance. Standing in front of a clear blue lake near the Roadhouse, Dean and Cas get married in the most perfectly unconventional venue, Heaven itself.

They wear suits at Ellen’s insistence, their ties matching each other’s eyes, and Jo and Charlie try to make Dean wear a flower crown; they get delayed by twenty minutes while they try and clip it into his hair.

Dean can’t help but lose his breath when he sees Cas already waiting for him at the start of the aisle, grinning from ear to ear and holding out his hand for Dean to take. He looks so...perfect, so exactly what Dean’s always wanted, and he’s his.

Bobby is the one that marries them, with the friends and family that they had lost surrounding them, people that Dean had always thought were far too good for him, but he might be coming around to the idea that he might deserve them, at least a little bit. He tries to hide the way he gets choked up when he reads his vows to Cas, and doesn’t even pretend to stop crying when Cas reads his to Dean.

Words would never be enough to describe how he felt when he looked at Cas, or the way he felt when Cas looked at him, but there was something about this moment, a moment surrounded by the people they loved, that made the words mean more than they would on any other day.

Pamela produces two handmade rings to exchange, and the rough metal feels at home on his skin, the same as Cas’ own, in a way.

The sun shines on their faces as they kiss, and Dean feels, for the first time, like this could really be what Heaven is supposed to be.

The reception is, predictably, loud and raucous, with karaoke and pool and too much alcohol (not that any of them get hangovers, but they can still get plastered). Ash stands on top of the pool table and recites the Gettysburg Address word for word while he balances a bottle of beer on his head. Ellen teaches Benny to mix drinks behind the bar, and Jo and Charlie destroy Kevin and Jack at a game of poker. Bobby and Pamela are reminiscing about some hunt or another with Rufus...it’s all so serene, in spite of the chaos, just exactly what Dean had always dreamed of.

He does ache, a little, for Sam, even knowing that he and Eileen are living their lives on earth, making a difference that only Sam could, he still misses him. But hey, that’s what how renewals are for right? He knew Ash would never miss a chance to have a party anyway.

Dean and Cas end up slow dancing to Led Zeppelin in the corner, away from the loud laughing and chattering of their family. Dean can’t quite believe this is all real, this is all happening, and this is all his. He huffs a happy sigh, letting his forehead rest in the crook of Cas’s shoulder, feeling the heat of his skin though the starched fabric of his dress shirt.

“What are you thinking about?” Cas whispers, tracing the back of Dean’s neck with a long finger.

Dean struggles, for a minute, to find the words. How does he express this? All these things that are bubbling inside him, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad?

“I never thought I’d get this,” he whispers back, lifting his head to meet Cas’ eyes, “And to have it this way, with everyone, I just-”

He falters a little, but Cas doesn’t rush him, he never did.

“I still feel like I can’t take it, like it’s something that I want but can’t actually have. I look at all this, at you, and it’s what I’ve wanted for years, but I keep feeling like I’m going to wake up in Hell with Alastair standing over me or something.”

He shudders reflexively at the memory. He suddenly can’t meet Cas’ eyes.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t be bringing the happiest day of our lives down.”

Cas lifts his chin, making their eyes meet.

“I’m with you through everything. Anything and everything, you know that right?”

Dean’s mouth twists in a smile as warmth blooms through his chest. He pulls Cas towards him, kissing him gently in the dark corner of the Roadhouse, letting his hands curl in Cas’ dark hair. They’re both a little breathless when they pull apart, and Cas’ bright eyes mirror his own.

“Right back at ya,” Dean smiles, glancing over at Benny and Charlie shotgunning beers with Ash, “You wanna go join them?”

“Yes,” Cas leans in to kiss him again, “But only if we get to do more of this later.”

Dean winds his arms around Cas’ waist, breathing into him, letting the impossibility that he and Cas were linked by bands of metal around their fingers forever, not needing to worry about death or Hell or Purgatory or the Empty.

“Oh hell yeah, more of this later please.”

Cas laughs as Dean presses his lips to the exposed skin on his neck, and Dean falls very much in love with the sound.

Dean and Cas sit at the bar for the rest of the night, listening to stories they had heard a hundred times and would hear a million more, surrounded by family, and holding hands under the shiny bar, their rings clinking together every so often, reminding them both of the weight of this day, the importance of the other, the beauty of the future.

[createandconstruct]

ffix? 👀👉👈

Bless you, my friend. Bless you.

the character i least understand

Gotta be Quan, Vivi's Grandpa. He is the most puzzling character to me. There's evidence that he cared for Vivi but that he also, for a good amount of time, was planning on eating the kid. There's also the entire special scene between him, Vivi, and Quale, and like, I have gotten dizzy interpreting the dialogue. How did he die? Did he die starving? From imagining food and not actually eating? He's a chef that believes the only way to experience food is by not eating it but byimagining it?? Is this some kind of Socrates message on how deeper thinking and metacognition leads to truly being alive?? I don't know???????!!!!

interactions i enjoyed the most

There are seriously so many but if I had to choose just one it has to be Steiner and Zidane. I love them So. Much. Their development into trusted comrades is one of my favorite relationships in the entire game and one of my favorite's in fiction in general. It's my favorite thing period. I'll say it. And there is not enough content of them. People won't give me Steiner and Zidane friendship and shenanigans? Fine. I'll do it myself. I'll write for them until I'm dead. Steiner really started the game promising Garnet he'd give his life for her and that he would see to it that Zidane was HUNG for his "crimes," and then ends the game telling Zidane he'd march into HELL with him (Japanese translation). He never even said that to GARNET. Their friendship is so slept on. SO slept on and its one of the most compelling. HELL, people. He'd go to HELL for Zidane. He'd DIE for him. A THEIF HE SCORNED. STEINER would gladly go to the GALLOWS with and for Zidane. I can't... I... I gotta go. Gotta lie down.

the character who scares me the most

Does the Iifa Tree count? If I say Soul Cage maybe that will. The living tree that takes the living and replaces them with souls of the long dead is really horrifying to me. There's also the theory that Necron is the other side of the Soul Cage, the embodiment of death that is part of the Iifa Tree, a parasite that has rooted itself in every inch of Gaia. It's creepy and perfect. I just love how FFIX flips the "tree of life" troupe on its head with the Iifa Tree which is very much a purgatory or hell for souls, sentencing them to wander the earth as Mist. Terrifying! I love it!

the character who is mostly like me

I very much relate to Zidane's easy breezy attitude with high, suppressed levels of anxiety and doubt. I also very much relate to his mom friend woes.

hottest looks character

Hottest is so weird for me but if we're talking objectively I gotta say Hilda. Dead stop she's gorgeous and her design is impeccable. Cid was a fool and I am thankful he was forced to suffer as an Oglop and Frog for the entire game. Perish Cid.

one thing i dislike about my fave character

Only thing I dislike about Zidane is that he called Vivi a brat and told him to shut up, in Pandemonium. I gasped during my first playthrough. I'll never forgive him.

one thing i like about my hated character

I don't really hate anyone in FFIX. I honestly enjoy all their contributions to the story and game. But I'll pick Brahne? Just because she's a murderer and terrible mother. I really like the bit of mystery left with her character and her feelings for Dagger. Some of her finally words are "I hear my daughter's voice," but it always struck me that this is said just after the fact that we've learned that Dagger is not her true daughter. There was a Princess Garnet (the 1st let's call her) before Dagger. Yet when on death's doors - in the same way that Dagger says that Brahne is her only mother - based on her words, to Brahne, Dagger is her only daughter. Which is so extremely tragic because Garnet the 1st was completely erased and forgotten. For a parent, losing a child is often said to be one of the worst pains imaginable. Some will go on to have another child but it will never erase the one they lost. And yet here's Brahne, ridding all memory of her original Garnet. It is haunting. It really gives an insight on how this woman handled grief - which was not at all. Perhaps that is why she turned to war and power after her husband's death. The implications of Garnet the 1st is a detail I cannot stop thinking about and it makes Brahne all the more compelling to me. A bitterweet part of me likes to think that after the game ends Dagger decides to create a grave for the true princess, the little six-year-old child who died twice: once in death and twice in memory.

a quote or scene that haunts me

"The sunset makes the Eidolon Wall look like it's on fire!" There's something about this scene and the fact that a beautiful memory of the Eidolon Wall from her past is what triggers Dagger's memory of her home, burning with the Invincible's flames. Every time I play this part of the game, Dagger's flashback on the boat and the subsequent sequence between her and Eiko move me to tears .

a death that left me indifferent

Probably Mog. Only because, no matter how much I love FFIX, the Mount Gulug section overall feels a little lacking which is because of the execution of Mog's transform/sacrifice/and the events that follow. I do think it's a symptom of an overall problem in Disc 3 which may simply be the result of the opening of the game map and player freedom. The is though, that you have Eiko losing Mog, her sister, a huge emotional moment, when its extremely easy for you, the player, to forget about Mog entirely!! Of course you may likely play as Eiko in the Desert Palace but that's optional and Mog never makes an appearance!! There's no real lead up for the scene on Disc 3 that emotional prepares us. Mog's sacrifice would have been more impactful had she made an appearance in the Desert Palace or during the start of Disc 3 in Alexandria. Eiko has all this time alone for character self-reflection and Mog is technically there, hidden in her shirt, but she never appears for greater impact. There's just too much allotted game time between the events in Madain Sari and the events at Gulug Mountain.

a character i wish died but didn’t

Vivi. Must I say more?

my ship that never sailed

Blank and Ruby are forever in that "too hard headed to make anything meaningful come from their constant bickering." I both love and mourn their stagnant friends to lovers state. They'll never be canon but the post-game potential for them is excellent.