#hdsghsjgf

[finaledenialist]

@samwinchestersleftshoe, @theselfhatingangelofthursday, @theangelwiththewormstache; ugh you seemed interested in the idea so... tagging you. 

This is the one fix-it where Dean isn’t actually in Heaven, y’all. 

Something was off.

Dean kept driving and driving and he felt like he was drunk. Drugged. His head was clouded and he felt... Unconscious. Something. Was. Wrong.

He stopped the car and went outside. It was quiet. Too quiet.

What was even this place? How did he got here? The barn, vampires, pain, Sam was crying. Right, he was dead. But... Something about this place. Something just wasn't right.

There was the Roadhouse. And Bobby. Okay, but... He was in heaven before. There was Ash in the Roadhouse. And Ellen and Jo should be there, too. So... Why no one was there? This place felt...

Empty.

Just empty. Too empty. There he was, he, and the impala, and the road and some forest. Basically the middle of nowhere. And Bobby. But Bobby was in his very own heaven, he knew that. So... What the hell?

Something was clearly wrong and he started to get more and more nervous and suspicious and this only assured him he wasn't in heaven. He had to admit to himself he was getting scared and if he was sure of one thing - this wasn't how heaven was supposed to feel like.

Think. Think.

Okay. According to the old rules he wasn't supposed to get to heaven at all, but Jack was the new boss, so maybe that rule has changed. And this clearly wasn't hell. And no, this was not purgatory either. But if it was heaven... Why it was so... Empty? How long was he driving anyway? How far did he get? The road seemed endless and... Pointless. Where was he even going?

Something just didn't add up. Axis Mundi, that's what it was called, he remembered. The road. But that road lead to his good memories, to the people he loved, and this one? This one seemed to go on and on forever, with no one and nothing in sight. Just the trees on both sides of the road. On and on. He was alone. Where was everyone?

After a few minutes he decided to keep driving. He felt he was too far gone to go back to the roadhouse and was willing to give this place one more shot. He drove for what seemed another forever and he was just about to stop when he saw it. Something's changed. The road was taking a huge turn and he saw it. At first only a glimpse, between the trees. It was a lake. And then the mountains on the other side of it.

And he recognized it immediately. And he was terrified. Something was deeply, deeply wrong, he could feel it but not quite name. He stopped the car and looked at the scenery in front of him. It was haunting him in his nightmares, until it was replaced by another one.

This was the place where Cas died 3 years ago, right after Jack was born. Maybe this was hell after all.

And suddenly the memory hit him. Running back from the apocalypse world, to the portal, faster and faster, and then they were back, and he turned around and Cas was just standing there; and then there was light everywhere and Cas was no longer standing, he was lying in the mud and Lucifer was smiling; and then Dean was carrying Cas' body to the house and after locking himself up with Cas he cried, cried, cried and cried for so long he didn't notice when night turned into day and he had no strength left in him to do anything. He felt dead inside. He heard Sam's voice from the distance but he didn't care at first or at all. After forever passed and he managed to somehow numb his whole being with every ounce of alcohol he found in the house; he stood up, looked at Cas, gently caressed his face and he knew he shouldn't be doing this, he knew, salt and burn, salt and burn, but he couldn't. He reached for Cas' tie and he carefully took it off. He stared at Cas' face as he hid the tie in his inside pocket. Bowing down and pressing a kiss to Cas' forehead felt way too natural.

Dean blinked. What on earth was going on? This was clearly one of the worst moments of his life. So why was he reliving it?

Because you couldn't save him and it was your fault, something whispered.

'No', Dean mouthed, but the the memory hit him again. And again. And again. He was completely confused and shaking; he wanted to run but he couldn't really move it was like... It kind of felt like a dream. Like a nightmare you thought you woke up from but it turned out to be a dream within a dream and... And suddenly the scenery changed.

They were in the bunker. It was night, Sam and Jack were already asleep but he and Cas stayed in the kitchen, talking, about god knows what. Dean's focus was purely on wrinkles on Cas' nose while he was smiling and laughing at some dumb stuff he just said. The beer kept flowing, and he was so happy. He knew, right there. After all this time he finally knew. The 'I love you, Cas' almost escaped his mouth a couple of times that evening, but he butchered it in his throat every time. Cas was an angel after all, and he was just a human. He tried to focus on the moment and be happy but the regret came in waves. It was so simple, Dean. And the moment was perfect. Not only this moment, the whisper was here again.

The wave of memories hit him without a warning. He and Cas in a car. Multiple times. He and Cas in the bunker's kitchen. Countless evenings. Countless possibilities.

And then there was Cas saying 'Because the one thing I want... Is the one thing I know I can't have'. A knife into his heart would've hurt less.

'You can't stay Cas', he heard himself saying, and there was Cas, newly human, sitting there, just back from the dead, and all the hope was fading from his eyes when the realization of Dean's words got to him. Dean was heartbroken, but Sam... He had to, he had no other choice, he kept telling himself, but he knew it wasn't true, it was making the easy choice, for once, and the cost was Castiel.

Well, at least now he was sure it was not heaven. He felt cold and scared and he didn't know what other memory is he going to relive next but then he heard it.

'Dean?'

This was coming from the Outside.

'Dean?! DEAN!'

And all of a sudden it was darkness. And then it was like someone turned on the night lamp. Warm, soft light was surrounding him. He was laying on... Well it wasn't ground. It was nothing. He blinked a couple of times.

'Dean what are you doing here?', he couldn't believe it, but it was Cas, hand on his shoulder, waking him up from all these nightmare memories he just relieved over and over again.

'What... What is going on', Dean managed to say, confused. There was just... Darkness. No, not darkness, he knew darkness. It was nothingness. And yet it was loud. 'Where... Where are we?', he asked, trying to stand up.

'Dean, this is the Empty', Castiel explained, 'and you really shouldn't be here'. He looked scared.

'The Empty?', Dean felt barely conscious, 'But how? Cas... Cas, I-'

'You shouldn't be here', Cas said again and looked around nervously, and suddenly the nothingness around them started shaking. It felt like and earthquake, but well, there was no earth. But there was a scream. Very long and high-pitched. And in the corner of his eye Dean caught a glimpse of... Something. He recognized it immediately, this was the black thing that took Cas, right after... Right After.

'Wait.', he said, 'Isn't this place exclusive for angels and demons?', he managed to form a coherent thought.

'Yes',  familiar voice spoke. Dean turned around to see no one other than Meg, standing right in front of him. He opened his mouth to say something but she was faster 'It was. It is. Seems like your boy Jack screwed up some rules. Omnipotent', she chuckled, 'but still confused, I see'.

'It seems', she continued, 'That you, Dean Winchester, died too many times and were too many things in your life to fit a certain label', she laughed, 'And you ended up here'.

Dean was confused. But Cas was standing right beside him and that was all that mattered.

'You know what, actually', she said, 'How about we make a deal.'

'No deals', Cas stepped forward, 'We are done.'

'Since your Jack exploded here, everything is like on fire', The Empty continued, unbothered, 'But the true beginning of my problems was always you, Clarence', she smiled, 'I just want to sleep. At this point I don't care about anything else. I thought I could make it. But with both of you here? No. Not a chance. I am too old to believe that.'

Dean and Cas looked at each other.

'So what then?’, Cas squinted his eyes.

‘I want both of you out of here. And I want you to do me a god damn favour and not die for the next 50 years so I can put everyone back to sleep.’ 

‘This doesn’t sound like a deal’, Dean started, ‘This sounds like a damn gift and those aren’t free in my experience’.

‘If one of you dies and comes here I am just going to release everyone out of here. And I mean everyone. Every demon you killed. Every angel you killed. And they are going to be pissed. Jack made it loud, almost everyone is awake. I want to put them to sleep. But you two troublemakers’, she smiles, ‘Get out of here. I can’t deal with both of you and everyone else at the same time’.

‘You’re just going to yeet us out of here? Back to earth?’, if someone asked Dean what was happening he wouldn’t be able to give an answer. 

‘Yeah. There is a catch though.’

‘Knew it.’, Cas rolled his eyes. 

‘Your grace, Castiel. You’re going back as a human this time’.

Dean looked at Cas, not knowing what to say. Cas looked suspicious.

‘What do you need my grace for?’, he finally asked.

‘Well it made all the angels fall from heaven once, right? I think I can use it to put them back to sleep’, The Empty shrugged, ‘You can give it away or I can take it away from you, the choice is yours.’