#What if I don't like men and it's just comphet

[croquettish]

You know, I have reblogged posts talking about preferring a Bisexual Hans read, and at the time, I was like "Well, something to consider." But I had not been clued in that it was a debate and now I'm wondering whether I missed some implication of it being a "better" and "more moral" read, and I actually strongly suspect it did now.

As a bisexual myself, I do go back and forth, because I can actually see all the signs of comphet affecting Hans and can easily read him as gay. But I also know that, well, being attracted to both genders and being comfortable with being attracted to both genders are too vastly different things, and so I can imagine overcompensation ocurring even if the attraction to women is there. As a young deep-in-denial bi, I tended to use any and all crushes I had on men as proof that I definitely didnt like women and I must have imagined it! 🙂‍↕️ I would have continued in deep denial if I hadnt.... had a dream... of kissing my best (girl) friend... and then more. Very hard to deny hard evidense like that to myself, you know.

So if Hans is hit in the face with his bisexuality like a shitton of bricks precisely due to the strength of falling in love with Henry, I think that would look pretty similar to him being gay and falling in love with a man for the first time. It could easily be either.

Shame to hear people are being jerks about it. I hope that with this ask you know, at least, that that positioning might only seem to have more support than it actually has, due to inattentive rebloggers like me.

I can definitely see both readings!! In no way am I trying to negate other people's interpretations of the character, the only thing I'm firm on is that we should all be allowed to have those interpretations (regardless of what they are!) without fear of judgment :D

A lot of the evidence I take from my interpretation comes from KCD1 (esp the DLC), and it actually hasn't occurred to me until just now that it's entirely possible that people who are so anti-comphet Hans never played the OG.

The post that I saw on my dash was a real rough read for me honestly, and the replies to that post were even worse. It left me feeling extremely gross. That said, I did not fault any of the people I follow that reblogged it in any way (which is good, because a fuckton of people reblogged it), I much more so took issue with the prescriptivist tone of the post itself and the people in the replies. So please don't worry about that!!

[adustoflove]

I always think well if I dated a man, I wouldn't feel as insane. I wouldn't feel so awful or jealous. And then I remember why I came to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian. I just wouldn't care if it were a man. I just can't bring myself to care about men like that 😔😩😭

[tae-shimura-is-my-wife]

Sometimes I really don't believe in what my eyes see man..., a fucking himejoshi with tons of followers saying yuri isn't representation and it only started questioning comphet, lesbianism and idendity recently, like HOW?

Yuri as genre was named after the lily tribe, a nickname created in queer japanese spaces; the first novel of the genre was created by a lesbian; the Class S which so many people hate it's nothing less nothing more than the reality of being a sapphic in that time period; the first yuri manga has the protagonist freaking out when folks refer to her as a lesbian, to the point she prefers to stay with man rather than her actual love interest; for the sake of God one of the most popular yuri is literally about the patriarchy and how the love of the protagonist for another women helped them to get out of it.

The characters don't say at loud they're lesbian or mspec, but it's necessary? You see a girl that shows no interest in men, and a girl that show interest in various genders, but it doesn't count as sapphic since they didn't say it to your face? The genre was pionerred by a lesbian, the majority of the authors in genre are lesbians, the Comic Yuri Hime slogan is "justice for the girls", we have plenty of wedding arts of their couples in a country where gay marriage is illegal, yuri has been exploring gender, sexuality and comphet even before you were born, but ofc it's not rep, it just happens that lesbians mangakas like doing sapphic stories because they have nothing else to do, they don't do it for the intention of representation, therefore the sapphics that see this genre as rep are stupid!

[once-more-with-anxiety]

I THINK I MIGHT BE A LESBIAN????? AKLFJSDGJLNSFJAK

[lilia-calderus-pet-goat]

Thunderbolts Sexuality Headcanons by a hyperfixated lesbian!!

Yelena Belova || Black Widow: aromantic, asexual. Sex repulsed, but in a queer platonic relationship with Bob. He's her platonic soulmate–an immediate connection, deeper and more intimate than the deepest of friendships. She definitely wouldn't care if he wanted to, idk, sleep with someone that isn't her. Because they aren't a couple. They have their own bond, they are each other's first priority–whatever else works for them is to be explored. It's not quite sibling-hood, it's far more affectionate than that... That being said, when it comes to the rest of the Thunderbolts, she definitely sees them as siblings. (let's pretend Antonia is included because Yelena would feel SUCH big sister energy with her. <3)

If she were to really delve into it, she's probably agender too, or a demigirl, maybe. However, she simply doesn't care enough about labels or pronouns–she dresses how she dresses, enjoys what she enjoys, feels how she feels–and doesn't care to explain it to anyone. Call her whatever pronouns you want to, she won't start an argument about it. She has a unique relationship to womanhood because of the Red Room–like it's a burden she has to carry without completely relating to what it means. An experience she holds, while not belonging to it entirely. It's a thin line. She cherishes it–but if she could be something else entirely–a rock, a wind, a beam of light–she'd prefer it. Enjoys exploring her gender expression/fashion, because she grew up completely unable to do that. She was robbed of an identity. She's making up for lost time.

Ava Starr || Ghost: Lesbian. Always feels an instant connection to queer people in general, without even knowing of their queerness. (We were ROBBED of the Ava-Antonia bond. RIP Antonia you're alive to me.) She's experienced strong comphet for years–and has flirted with men, but she can't imagine actually being with one. (I do hear the argument of her being bisexual, and I don't hate ghostwalker, but y'know.)

She's definitely demisexual, if you really delve into it. She falls in love fast, but the sexual attraction doesn't come in until way later. Like, she literally doesn't experience any physical attraction until she fully trusts someone–but she will hold their hand.

Has displayed behavior in the past that was deemed as flirtatious, but that's because she's definitely got some undiagnosed neurodivergency and can't quite grasp social cues, norms and boundaries. That being said, when she realized she was being perceived incorrectly, she really shut down the more playful/affectionate side of herself, becoming much more reserved.

Her relationship to gender is unspecified. She is Ghost, refer to her as such or not at all. (Maybe demigirl. Maybe! I doubt she knows. She's fine with she/her for sure.)

Antonia Dreykov || Taskmaster: Baby butch lesbian. That's also her gender identity: butch lesbian.

Was definitely in love with Lerato, that one girl from Black Widow. If she had survived the movie–and for argument’s sake, let's say she did–I’d loved to have seen her and Ava develop a bond–maybe even fall in love, I don't know.

Also, if she was alive, I know for a fact that Valentina would use her and Ava for PR stunts and rainbow capitalism during pride month. She has to win over the left somehow.

Robert “Bob” Reynolds || The Sentry: Bob is a hard one, because his sex drive had been completely disintegrated for a long time because of the drugs and the trauma–and his attraction to people was never a priority, never something he had time to consider. He was in too dark a place, with no guidance whatsoever. In that sense, I think he's 100% unlabeled. Even now that he's sober and slowly but surely regaining his sense of self, no label feels quite right.

He definitely grew up in a household where every little thing he did that was deemed even slightly more “feminine” got him called the f slur. Even if it was just gentility, or kindness, or softness.

Part of me thinks he could be panromantic. I don't think gender would make any difference to him at all–I think he's blind to it. He loves the person, the soul, regardless. I think he finds himself to definitely be on the ace spectrum too, maybe aceflux, but he's not sex repulsed. He's open to it. He had been sexually active way before the Sentry project, but not because of any desire to be so. Just because the other person wanted it, maybe, or as a way to get access to more drugs.)

Lastly, do I think he's 100% cis? Nah. Demiboy, maybe? As I said before, unlabeled. He'd describe his gender the same way as Yelena. If he could be a rock he'd choose to be a rock–but is still exploring his own gender expression, since he never had the chance to do so in the past.

John Walker || US Agent: American. 🦅🦅🦅

Jk, jk. Honestly, I think Walker's repressed. He definitely grew up thinking he's 100% straight, maybe sprinkle in some internalized homophobia. He's a US Military propaganda machine, an example of how America manipulates and uses veterans before their mental health goes to shit and they're no longer “useful,” thus are discarded instead. Do you think he's super sexually liberated? Nuh uh. Of course not.

He definitely likes woman. Female lean, for sure. That being said–he was hopelessly in love with Lamar Hoskins, the same way Achilles was hopelessly in love with Patroclus. Does it excuse the outburst? The entirety evil abuse of his power and authority? No, of course not, but his feelings for Lamar were incredibly layered.

I think Walker would feel uncomfortable at first, as the others would come out one by one–and he'd pretend not to care. Eventually, he'd develop a special bond of trust with Ava and tell her about Lamar. (all questioning men need an emotional support lesbian!!) Then she'd tell him that, “well my guy, that's kinda gay.” I don't think he'd ever really label himself as bisexual, saying he's like, 99% straight with like, some exceptions. The others endlessly tease him about it–and about all the sweaty men in his working out posters and magazines. That being said, he's 100% a cis man.

Alexei Shostakov || Red Guardian: Like, straight? Has gotten boners while looking at pictures of Lenin and always found the Winter Soldier strangely hot. He also sometimes says some suspicious shit about his old comrades–but overall? Pretty straight. Was raised pretty conservatively but never cared too much about people's sexuality. Now, when it comes to his own... He's like, thought about it ever since joining this group? Because he wants to relate with them? So he's like. “I could ride my comrade........ maybe..... no I couldn't-” and then imagines himself having say gex, gets grossed out, moves on. This is like, a monthly occurance. HE REALLY WISHES HE WAS INTO MEN, so that he could relate to “THE LITTLE GAY PEOPLE” in his team. But, what can you do? He likes Melina. And honestly–who can blame him? He's also very much cisgender.

James “Bucky” Barnes: Cis. Bisexual with a heavy male lean OR gay with some internalized homophobia. He got more comfortable with it in the 21st century, after TFATWS. For all the flirting he did with women, the moment Steve did the same, this boy was internally tweaking.

This should be no surprise to anyone–Bucky has been Marvel’s favorite source of queerbaiting for as long as he's been in the MCU. Between Steve and Sam, Bucky comes with the shield in more ways than one, that's for sure.

His intense gay staring at Sam? The way Steve's voice and words were enough to pierce through his winter soldier mind control? His utter devotion to each of them, the pedestal he had them on? The mention of his online dating history in TFATWS, in which he vaguely mentioned that a lot of the profiles he looked through had profile pictures of people with tigers and shit–suggesting that he was looking at men's profiles–and addressed ever-so-vaguely by the show runner, telling people to “keep watching” without ever giving queer audiences the catharsis they hoped for. Anyways. Sambucky and Stucky real!

Melissa “Mel” Gold: Cis. Also, the biggest bisexual to ever bisexual. Was she attracted to Bucky? Yes. (although I don't find their relationship romantic at all, more like, a failed attempt at guidance.) But she also has her weird, toxic, problematic devotion to Val. Val shaped her worldview when she was still young–and part of her will always be loyal to her, because by now it's instinct. And she no longer regards Val as infallible or admirable. She knows what Val is–she's seen her miscalculate, she's seen her messed up, she's seen her vulnerable and human. And she knows more than anyone that Val isn't a good person at all. Still. She's in too deep, now. I could make an entire separate post on this dynamic.

Valentina Allegra de Fontaine: Sees men as a means to an end. Also seems women as a means to an end, but a hotter one. She's a cis lesbian, technically, but not culturally queer. She doesn't have an inch of internalized homophobia within her. She's fine. She doesn't care. She just cares about her public image, about having control–curated control.

Her marriage to Everett Ross was a PR move. She did have some genuine affection for him, for a while, but no attraction. Not really. So, she's not openly a lesbian, not at work, but also, she doesn't hide/deny it in private settings. She holds the power to squash any rumour that actually poses a threat, after all. And even if it got out somehow, she'd find her way around it.

She's the first to engage in meaningless rainbow capitalism–to change the profile pictures to rainbow logos–to come up with vaguely pride flag colored ‘New Avengers’ merch during pride month, and leave no trace of it the moment July hits. She's never cared to attend pride, never cared to fall deeply in love. Also, she only applies rainbow capitalism under democratic goverments. When the republicans are in office, It's radio-silent from miss Valentina. She squashes homophobia and bigotry in her personal life–but in business? She's no activist.

[xaeyrnofnbe]

it is actually so goddamn funny (and annoying) how blatantly bisexual so many buffyverse characters are but due to bisexuality not being a fully accepted/recognized thing (in the public eye i guess apparently) it's just. never treated as a possible way for the characters to identify. like

willow goes from liking strictly men to strictly liking women. with no exceptions outside of jokes. this CAN be explained as comphet but i highly doubt it was intended that way. now don't quote me on this but i think i recall hearing that she WAS initially supposed to be bisexual, but this was changed/not followed through on bc audiences Might Not Get It. ??? alright

all the vampires are at least a little not straight. most have been implied or even outright stated to have had gay sex at some point. but like it's weird. idk

not to mention in the comics, where buffy sleeps with a woman for a bit and EVERYONE IN HER LIFE gets mad at her for doing so because she's "obviously straight". even spike (someone who has also canonically dabbled in same-sex activities) gets involved in the buffybashing. but like she was very blatantly into this girl and what they were doing together so like??? ?.????? even the gay characters were mad at her for this

and that's just the really obvious stuff!!! i haven't even mentioned xander! or doyle! the list just keeps going

[taliabhattwrites]

I’m sorry if you’ve answered this, or if it should be obvious, but you does your substack say trans/rad/fem? What is trans radical feminism? How does it differ from just radical feminism?

Yep! It says Trans/Rad/Fem, as does the title of my book.

The short version is that your average online hate speech aficionado who calls themselves a TE"RF" is no more well-versed in actual radical feminist literature than the billionaire writer. The most feminist literature they've read is likely wizard kidlit, and maybe the most hateful bits of 'Transsexual Empire' or a bit of Sheila Jeffreys if you're lucky.

Meanwhile, the radical feminist tradition was one that itself emerged as a materialist, inclusive, and more working-class counterpoint to the First Wave's doddering Friedanism. People don't recall much of the first wave, but it engendered such ironclad feminist arguments as "lesbians are not oppressed by patriarchy because they do not marry and are not confined to the domestic sphere", or "mothers and fathers are equally responsible for women doing to the bulk of childcare, because mothers are so reluctant to let go."

Truly, it's a miracle there were any subsequent waves at all.

Adrienne Rich's essay on Compulsory Heterosexuality can be viewed as something of a turning point, a collation of a more materialist framework (since I don't believe Rich necessarily originated all the points she raised). She, rather gently and with more patience than I have ever demonstrated, addressed the arguments of the heterosexual feminists and highlighted the coercive nature of patriarchy and of heterosexuality itself, which could be considered a social regime, a model that attempts to subsume all women into domestic servitude and sexual labor for men.

(A quick aside--if you've ever encountered any arguments on this site along the lines of "CompHet is only for lesbians", do note that the original text involves Rich, a lesbian, laying out the argument to hetfeminists that all women, even straight women, are subjected to a mandatory heterosexual existence, and are punished for trying to live outside of it, as by pursuing economic independence or choosing to be childless.)

For me personally, given the rather dismal state of Indian feminism, which is dominated by affluent liberals and ignores the more radical prolefem and dalit feminist elements attempting to come to the fore, it was refreshing to finally behold a piece of feminist literature that identifies and names forced marriage as an aspect of patriarchy, one that a significant chunk of women all over the world, both within Western territories and without, live with. So much mainstream feminism in the 2000s and beyond was located in the interpersonal, the foregrounding of choices women "should" make, ignoring that for the vast majority of us, patriarchy either denies us any choice at all, or presents us with false ones, harshly punishing us for some choices while presenting them as "free".

(Liberal ideologies and systems, bound up as they are in a veneration of contracts between equal parties, account very poorly for contracts between parties on unequal footing, where one is at a significant material disadvantage and cannot truly make a "free" choice.)

Besides, it is neither true that modern feminism entirely discarded the second wave--look at "gender is a social construct" and "heteronormativity" for now-banal feminist concepts steeped in radfem origins--nor is it true that the "third wave", such as it was, was entirely aa step forward in inclusivity, trans-acceptance, class consciousness, or even racial justice. One need only look at the state of modern feminist discourses to see how well the latest "waves" have managed to argue the case for trans liberation, and my current most well-known essay is a deep dive into the Orientalist, transmisogynistic origins of "third genders", an idea the queer academy has uncritically absorbed and even championed.

I am under no misapprehensions that second-wave feminists would be my pals. A lot of them were white, for one thing. It is, however, a tradition that is both more diverse than the prevailing image of white, middle-class lesbian academics would have you believe, and one that has more than a few useful things to say, especially to a transfeminist.

I don't think we are best served by erecting a cordon sanitaire around the second wave and refusing to engage with it critically. I've read Transsexual Empire, for fuck's sake, and doing so revealed to me just how paper-thin this reactionary movement has always been. That book is as farcical and easily disproved as Hilary Cass' recent bilious screed, but both were elevated to legislative and political relevancy not due to their veracity, but because institutions simply need any literature to provide a veneer of legitimacy to their transphobia. That the texts exist at all is enough.

I have, in short, made my life's work engaging with scholarship that has historically ignored us, vilified us, or instrumentalized us, and that is as true for second-wave feminists as it is for cultural anthropologists. I just believe that Monique Wittig and Adrienne Rich made valuable contributions to feminist thought, and even as we remember all that their missteps, we should not erase what they did right.

On a personal note, I can think of no better revenge than taking the abandoned threads of the radical feminist tradition and finally fulfilling its aborted potential, as a transfeminist. The trans question tore the movement apart because of a subset of zealots who couldn't and wouldn't see us as sisters in the feminist struggle.

I am going to finish what they started, and make the conclusions that they couldn't. We're good at cleaning up other people's messes, after all.

[genderqueerdykes]

One of my friends who previously identified as gay is now in the process of realizing it's bisexual, and honestly I'm proud of it for being open to changing labels when it realizes something new. However, some of its other friends have made jokes about how it's "regressing" or how it's "letting the comphet get to it" which, as a bi person myself, is kind of making me side-eye them a bit. I'm honestly so tired of bisexuality being treated as "less queer" than being gay.

i really, really am, too, you're not alone in this.

first of all, i'm so sorry your friends are saying that, because that is literal queerphobia. like i'm sick of this too, because this is exactly what kept me from identifying as bisexual even though i knew i was. i was forced to identify as gay because if i didn't, people around me would call me straight. there was literally a period in time where i was dating a man and woman at the same time and people still would call me straight whenever it benefitted them

i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate when people use "comphet" when talking about bisexuals. comphet is a difficult subject and it has a lot very questionable talking points. generally, i see compulsive heterosexuality as what people do before they realize they're queer, while they're questioning, if they're in denial, or if they live somewhere where they just can't come out as queer so they force themselves to be straight. like that's not what comphet is or means

people have to get over themselves and accept that all modes of attraction a bisexual experiences is queer. unless someone explicity considers their bisexuality to be half gay/queer, half straight... it's best to recognize that all of their modes of attraction are queer. a bisexual man attracted to women is experiencing queer attraction. they are bisexual. unless this is explicitly how they state so, they are experiencing bisexual, not heterosexual attraction toward women.

bisexual women experience queer attraction to men. they experience bisexual attraction toward men. unless explicitly stated that they personally see that attraction as straight, it's queer. it's inherently queer because it is a bisexual person experiencing it. i don't understand why it's so hard for people to wrap their heads around.

i'm not suddenly straight because im a man who's attracted to both women and men. i'm not suddenly straight because i'm a woman who's attracted to both men and women. this is literally queer attraction, i'm experiencing multiple modes of attraction at once. "straight" attraction doesn't "cancel out" gay attraction. they exist alongside one another. they're both happening at once. you can't take 1 experience out of BIsexuality and focus on it. there are TWO OR MORE experiences happening, all at once. isolating one of them is a disservice to the bisexual.

bisexuality is queer. always. 100% of the time, unless defined otherwise. bisexuality challenges the binary of cisheternormative society by saying that gender doesn't matter when it comes to attraction. we show that the line between queer and straight isn't as defined as people think it is. we show that being attracted to any variety of genders can be queer. bisexual people completely break the "straight/gay" attraction binary, and if that scares you, get out of our way, because we're not leaving.

if it's genuinely scary to people that bisexual people literally challenge the straight/gay attraction binary... why are they here? wouldn't you be much more comfortable in the cisheteronormative society you love to suck up to? like genuine question there. if people breaking boundaries threatens you, why are you even here?

i hope things get better for it, and yourself. that's just so shitty of your friends. they need to care about biphobia, because they're making it harder on your friend to accept itself, and that's not what queer community is about. we don't do that here.

[lyricailove]

Does it ever hit you that because of Frank and Monica's emotional detachment, all of the Gallagher's seek out affection from romantic partners? But like to an almost obsessive degree.

Fiona's is obvious. She's hypersexual and falls in love easily. She will downplay her issues with Frank as something she's grown used to, but it's clear that it still affects her. She also does the same when it comes to Monica but I feel like her hostility towards other women comes from how she doesn't trust Monica, doesn't really trust herself, and sees those insecurities on other women. Ex: Her treatment of Mandy and distrust of her around Lip.

Lip is a classic case of a man dealing with his mommy issues by making it every woman's problem. He's hostile towards his romantic partners when they want a real commitment from him and he talks to women with so much disrespect that it's a wonder someone hasn't stomped his ass out yet. He's especially harsh towards his own sisters even though they've been the one's who have been there for him. He may hate Frank but he's noticeably giving and extremely forgiving towards men, even those he's only known for a short while. Almost like the story about the turtle was just as much about him hoping that he could fix Frank as it was about Frank crushing his hopes of a real father figure.

Ian being groomed is in no way his fault and is the fault of the creeps who pursued him. But I can't ignore the fact that Frank's abuse and neglect opened him up the further abuse he suffered at the hands of Kash and Ned. It's no coincidence that both Kash and Ned shower Ian with gifts and compliments about how impressive, smart, and mature he is.

Debbie 1. deals with comphet in the first few seasons, and 2. Feels ignored by her family so she tries to create her own family. Debbie is visibly the one most affected by Frank's issues and even when she for all intents and purposes gives up on him, it still affects her. Frank's hurtful words about her only finding love with someone "just as fucked up as she is" pushes her to put consider a dangerous situation with Heidi. She's also someone who struggles with control issues because she needs to help other people. She's a problem solver by nature. It's just that the two problems she wishes she could solve more than anything are out of her hands (Frank and Monica). She can't fix Frank's addiction, his selfishness, or his abusive tendencies. She can't fix Monica's wanderlust, her avoidance, or her aversion to long-term commitment.

Carl is so good at masking his emotions. It's easy to miss. But then you notice things like his attachment to Fiona, his absolute devotion to the girls he likes, and his need to protect. Carl is hypersexual, even though I've seen it rarely brought up in fandom, and longs for a long-term girlfriend. When he does get girlfriends he's all in from the beginning. When Carl loves someone he is all about them. He's so casual when it comes to talking about Frank and Monica, but that doesn't mean those feelings aren't there and they aren't affecting him.

Liam is still young so we don't get to see him in a relationship. He's the one Gallagher who's consistently treated like an actual kid. Probably the one who has the best chance at healthy emotional attachments. But then again, Fiona leaving most likely did a number on him and we weren't privy to what that looks like for him because the latter seasons forgot how to do long-term storytelling and emotional payoff. All we know is that he doesn't remember Monica, Frank being gone makes him an orphan and he's worried about where he's gonna live because Lip forgot that Liam was technically under Frank's care. We didn't get to see it, but I'd say Liam's first emotional crash is probably on the horizon.

[casscainmainly]

A lot of debates have been going around on what is Cassandra's sexuality, some people said that she is a lesbian, others claims that she's asexual, but some said that she's bisexual.

What do you think her sexuality is based on previous love interests or previous runs of the early years from 1999 and early 2000 to today along with the out-of-continuity story?

Questions on Cass' sexuality are highly dependent on the person! For Cass in particular, the majority of takes about her sexuality come from Horrocks' run in Batgirl (2000), which is ambiguous and open-ended. There are multiple amazing readings that see her as aro/ace, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, questioning etc. So I'm not going to give a definitive answer here, and these thoughts are all my own - nothing I say here is meant to invalidate anyone else's interpretation.

Preamble aside, I don't think of Cass in a specific label tbh. I don't think she would have such an identitarian view of sexuality - that is, she wouldn't think of herself as 'a lesbian', even if she exclusively likes girls. That's not to say people can't call her a lesbian, or that she will never call herself a lesbian. I just think her sexuality is more fluid, and more exploratory, than a single category.

She does experience heteronormativity. Despite her upbringing being what it was, as soon as she entered the world she would've been exposed to heteronormative ideals, compounded by her love for reality TV, her main romantic ideal being DickBabs, and being around TimSteph. This heteronormativity of course influences the way she falls in love with men, in particular the whole Kon situation, which I read (as most people do) as comphet. The Cass-Kon thing though is also about Cass parsing out friendship from romantic feelings, so it's not really that straightforward. Meaning that while I don't think Cass ever felt anything for Kon, the comphet-ness of that relationship does not invalidate (to me) her feelings for other men.

I think that Cass has been legitimately attracted to men before, though really only Tai'Darshan. Tai is really important to Cass' awakening sexuality, so I like to think that she did love and care for him. Do I think they would've dated? Probably not. But there was something there that's not present for Cass-Kon, or other minor crushes like Cass-Sal, Cass-Javier, Cass-Dr. Shin etc. Thinking of out-of-cont texts, her relationship with Erik in Shadow of the Batgirl is also genuine to me. Also also I see the man in Batgirl (2000) #2 as Cass first 'crush', so I think she is genuinely attracted to men, but not frequently and in highly specific circumstances.

As for women, obviously as a StephCass lover I see Cass as being head over heels for Steph. I also think lesbian!Cass readings are popular because she has so much chemistry with every woman she meets: Rose, Brenda, Harper, Christine, Cela, literally every one of them has fun romantic undertones. (HarperCass, in particular, feels very romantic in B&R: E). She also has a fun ship with Xanthe who's non-binary. So Cass for me is Not Straight, and experiences attraction to other genders besides men. These are non-canon but there's only so many times you can hallucinate your best friend caressing you platonically okay?? Even though I think she can be attracted to men, I believe she's more attracted to other genders on the whole, particularly women.

All this to say I enjoy discussions on Cass' sexuality, but I view them more as 'readings' of her than definitive conclusions. In other words, there are asexual readings of CassKon, bisexual readings of TaiCass, lesbian readings of StephCass etc. that are really valuable and can coexist. The most boring reading you could have is her being straight tbh, so any other reading I find highly fascinating. It really depends on what ships people like, how they interpret Cass' sexuality exploration in Horrocks, and sometimes what they personally identify as. And that's the fun of reading + interpretation!!

[moonlightsapphic]

shut the fuck uppppppp you people make lesbians do EVERYTHING for you. bi women in het relationships DO NOT need lesbians to validate them, both because you are grown adults but also because you guys NEVER validate us. case in point, that entire little speech you wrote never once validated the unique experience of lesbians as non male attracted people in a patriarchal society. yes we all like women, but NOT liking men is almost always the greater burden and greater isolating factor in our day to day lives. stop thinking about yourselves and just LISTEN for once, all you EVER do is talk over lesbians and paint us as villains. and next time you are walking down the street hand in hand with your boyfriend take a moment and be grateful that you don't have to have your head on a swivel waiting to be harassed for daring to show affection to your partner in public. that sense of unease you feel brining your boyfriend to pride? that's what we feel the other 364 days a year, except the unease comes from the fear of ACTUAL VIOLENCE not of SOCIAL DISAPPROVAL from a minority group comprising 3% of the population.

Ma’am I am a brown bisexual woman in a Muslim-majority country in the global south and I’ve been dating my (also bisexual) girlfriend since we were 20. It has been five years and even our best friends don’t know we’re dating because we’re afraid of word getting out and being targeted and killed. (People are murdered for less.) There is some minimal social acceptance of transfem folks in our country but even they are treated like garbage. Anybody found to have same sex attraction is cast out by their families. (Families are known for casting you out for even interreligious marriages.) Or worse, they might force conversion therapy on you. They would not distinguish between you being bisexual or gay. The last queer activist in our country was murdered in cold blood 10 years ago and we haven’t had a strong movement since. LGBTQ+ community exists in small, secret bubbles. We’re all afraid.

My relationship takes place only behind closed doors. In a more accepting country, my girlfriend and I would be thinking about marriage and kids by now. She is my soulmate and we initially tried to keep it casual but we couldn’t. Despite all of the above, we chose each other, even though we could hypothetically look for legitimate partner in a man. I didn’t even realize I was bi until adulthood after I broke up with my high school boyfriend, though my girlfriend has known she is queer since she was young. My girlfriend and I spent two years (the worst mental health period of my life, when I made this account to document it) of struggling to unlearn comphet, because I often felt this overwhelming imposter syndrome that I was “faking” my very genuine attraction and romantic love for her. (if you’re a baby gay reading this and struggling with that, it passes I promise!) We also had to deal with the very special bisexual guilt of actively choosing to be in a same-sex relationship every day. We still do.

I wish I could avoid coming out to our families forever to protect the pain and heartbreak that will cause them. They really love me and have given me everything I’ve asked for (I wish I could say I was romanticising, but it’s true), however they have not been raised in a society to understand queerness and I’m afraid they’re too old now. In my darkest moments, I wish that my parents will be able to die without knowing, while still fully loving, supporting, proud, and happy for me. But that’s not sustainable, because already our parents are already asking us when we’re going to get married (to men, of course). Soon, that will become constant nagging, confusion, disappointment and eventually suspicion. If I did come out (which will hopefully happen when I’m much older and wiser and can survive without anyone’s support), I would say I was a lesbian, because 1) they don’t know what bisexual is and I can’t teach them; and 2) if they know I’m bi, they might have more hope they can “correct” me, or even try to sabotage my relationship. And you can be sure as hell I’m not asking some internet lesbian stranger for permission beforehand.

We have gone long-distance across the globe more often than not. We are trying to secure permanent residency in a more queer-friendly country by migrating with stable jobs (which can be a 10+ year process of proving to a country that you are worth giving residency to). We wonder if we’re doing the “right” thing taking it a day at a time, how many people we’re going to hurt for our own selfish happiness. If we’ll ever be able to visit our home country and culture again if word gets out. If we’ll ever have children, and would they be accepted by our families. If we’ll ever be 100% safe. Sometimes, I wish I was a lesbian like you, so I would not have to bear all that AND the guilt of the knowledge I could give it all up for a different loving relationship. If I were a lesbian, at least I would have the conviction of not having a choice. And that is a bisexual struggle you won’t understand, just like you have lesbian struggles that I won’t understand. I am ok with admitting the latter—are you ok with admitting the former?

I have a bisexual friend whose husband abuses her specifically because he suspects she is queer. I have a bisexual friend (in denial) whose fiancé insecurely and derogatorily jokes about her possibly being queer (much like my ex) and because of that she will never come to terms with her own sexuality, and will suppress it for her entire life. I have bisexual friends in very happy and loving M/F relationships. Some of these bisexuals do the work for the community from their position of privilege, others who are annoying mansplainers (much like yourself) to those of us who they perceive as more privileged (because, y’know, we’re not out to them as a WLW couple or even as queer). I’ll tell you now (if it still needs to be said) that most of the bisexuals in the world are actually not privileged at all. If you made a scale of “most privileged” to “most oppressed” (which is nonsensical but this is apparently the intelligence level we’re working with), then bi people in M/F relationships would be pretty much right next to other queer people, and not even close to endo allocishetero people. I have a difficult queer life to build so I have zero interest in playing stupid oppression Olympics and decide whether or not any other letter is “more” oppressed for the sake of internet keyboard warriors who can’t check themselves (or read a book, a paper, a research article anything). What I will do is fight for everyone’s rights (yes, even yours) to talk about their unique personal struggles.

At the end of the day, the bisexuals in privileged M/F marriages are allies to me and my girlfriend. And that means the world to us. When our entire society (and our families) turns their back on us, our queer friends will be all we will have left. Their straight boyfriends will be allies to us and welcome to our community, and symbolic of a world where more endosex allocishetero folks accept us. I want good straight men at Pride. The world listens to them. The point of queerness is deviance, but the point of Pride is liberation, and movement needs numbers. Immersion and understanding leads to acceptance. Are you with the cause or not?

Back when I was with my boyfriend, I avoided addressing my own queerness. And it was in part thanks to gatekeepers like you. Do you guys want more WLW or not? If you do, be kind to bisexual women. Celebrate their love, regardless of their partner. If more bi women were encouraged to find genuine love, if they were told unlearning comphet is not lesbian-only experience, if they had a queer support system when they faced statistically high rates of intimate partner violence due to their bisexuality, if everyone actually validated the unique struggles that lead to statistically poor bisexual mental health and substance abuse, then more of them would seek out healthy relationships with partners that see them for who they are, rather than any available subpar man. If you don’t want to date bi women, that’s fine. But if we include them in our community, they’ll have the opportunity to immerse in the culture, know themselves better, and eventually find each other. We contain multitudes. We do not exist in phases of “straight” and “gay”. Being rude to us when we’re in hetero-presenting relationships only makes us more likely to associate with queerness. Our identity is not inherently privileged, it’s intersectional. We are your peers. And we have every right to point out when anyone is being exclusionary and biphobic towards us, which includes the LGBTQ+ community.

I believe that someone who can afford to be unkind and unempathetic to another queer person, who dares play oppression Olympics like it’s a little game, doesn’t know what it’s like to actually be oppressed. Or maybe they have some insecurities and frustrations they need to work out in therapy. I have so many reasons to be jealous of my foreign queer friends (including lesbians, including trans people) flaunting their privileges, but I’m happy for them instead, I even listen to them when they talk about their (relatively minor) queer struggles in life, and I sure as hell did not have access to therapy to help me with that. I have not met a single queer person who actually engaged in community organising and mutual aid, that is also argumentative like people are on the internet. I don’t know if you’re aware it was proto-TERFs during second-wave feminism that separated the lesbian and bi women in the US, and that some of you have been unknowingly parroting frankly dumb purity culture rhetoric that harms trans people as well as bisexuals.

One of my deep regrets is not having queer elders in my part of the world to represent what my life could look like in the future. I literally contemplated on the phone for two hours with my partner this morning about what the fuck to do with our lives. As you’ve decided to graciously bring so much lesbian wisdom (not at all in the tone of a villain) to my account whilst so bravely hiding as an anon, tell me—what the fuck should we, lowly bisexuals who haven’t even “decentered men”, do? Or do I suddenly strike you as a different person now that you know I’m WLW, or about my other intersectional identities? Do you think I don’t understand your experiences? Do you think I don’t face lesbophobia—because people perceive all WLW as a lesbian? Do you still feel the need for me to acknowledge a bunch of other identities just because I spoke about my bisexuality? I was the same person when I was with my boyfriend. I will be the same if (God forbid) it doesn’t work out with my partner and I find myself with a man at some point again, and I will have to live with the truth of having my heart broken by a woman that I chose (in EVERY sense of the word) to be with. I will forever be queer enough. My hypothetical boyfriend WILL be coming with me to Pride. And if I sense unease because of that, I WILL call you out on it.

[aretheyqueer]

Is he gay?

disclaimer: this is a hc, not speculating on what the writers intentions were.

reason: The only viable romantic options for him in canon are men, he develops from bratty twink to twunk to power bottom over the course of the movies, and the only female interaction he has is with his aunt or weird comphet with his sister. There are also multiple interactions with other men that are very 👀. And I just think he has the vibe.

[hearts-hunger]

oh my god what the FUCK was that

okay, the two things i liked first. pros:

surprisingly, being a game truther, i liked the changes made to the tv station. having the soldiers strung up in the dark with the floodlights and thunderstorm gave that scene a brutality and scariness it doesn't have in the game, and dina and ellie having to sneak out like they did was very high-stakes and suspenseful.

ellie's "i would die for you. i would. but that is not what just happened" whole bit was so good i went back and rewatched it. her admission about her immunity and the dialogue in that moment felt true to ellie's character. isabella and bella did a great job with that scene. of course it makes no sense that ellie is surprised that dina is pointing a gun at her, but whatever. for the most part, that scene was done really well.

okay, now for the cons. buckle up, because there's a lot of them.

why the fuck are the making dina and ellie a happy little couple? "i'm gonna be a dad" give me a fucking BREAK??? i can't even express how antithetical to the story of the game this is. because ellie is not happy about this baby, she's horrible to dina, she's so wrapped up in revenge that she can't think about anything else. making them like...... dream up a baby registry is SUCH a mistake. and having dina go with ellie? this is supposed to be the part where ellie goes truly unhinged. she loses every shred of morality. not even dina and her baby can bring her back from the precipice, even all the way to the bitter end when she's built a life with them. she goes alone, to plow through all of seattle, to become a cold-blooded killer, to kill abby at any cost. but nope! now here comes mommy and daddy on a fun little killing spree while they think up colors for the nursery. what the fuck, genuinely.

like, not to be dramatic, but it's...... completely shredding the most intense and important character development in the story. tonally the game makes a very clear divide between jackson and seattle, and the show is forcing warm, intimate, loving moments into what is supposed to be a cold, gloomy, numb-feeling section of the story. ellie doesn't respond well to dina being pregnant. this is the moment where she really shows a side of herself that is so steeped in anger and fear and grief that she almost never gets over it. whether she will ever get over it is, like, a major question the game leaves us with. why are they screwing with that? why are they making ellie more palatable? let her be fucked up!!!

as for dina, what in the chappel roan comphet coming out trauma is going on with her. i actually hate how they've turned the confident bisexual woman from the game into...... whatever this dina is. i'm just personally not that interested in "my parents didn't approve, i was confused, i'm not brave, i tried to force it with a guy" whatever kind of bisexual storyline this is. maybe some people are. but i liked dina how she was in the game: simply, unapologetically, confidently bisexual. we don't have to have trauma in our coming-out stories. we can just be bisexual.

also, it's weird that they made dina and ellie's first sexual intimacy be some weird trauma-bond, heat of passion, right after a near-death-experience kind of thing. dina and ellie sleeping together in the game felt sweet, tender, flirty, warm, safe. this felt rushed and strange and insincere. it felt cheap, maybe. i can't really describe it. it was like it was written for straight men. like, graphic, rain-soaked, sloppy, hair down and makeup smudged. maybe i'm in the minority on this but it didn't feel good to me. i'm interested to know what people thought about it.

i think we're spending way too much time on isaac. perhaps if we hadn't wasted so much time in jackson in therapy we'd have time for development on isaac, but we don't really have time now.

anyone holding onto the "here's how tommy can still kill all of seattle" dream can put the tin hats away. it's not happening. and it sucks and it's a waste. but it's clearly not happening.

also, these are maybe nitpicky and not really story related, but:

didn't love the graphic content this episode. maybe that's a me thing. but the stupid josh peck gratuitous vulgarity, the full nudity in the torture scene, the straight up sex with dina end ellie - i know that's hbo's style, but i think we've maybe lost the art of subtlety.

everybody's said this but their clothes look brand new even after they've been crawling through mud and rain and whatever. it looks fake and weird.

in that same vein, ellie's bite marks have all looked super clean and not gnarly as if she's almost gotten her arm gnawed off. also she gets bit every other tuesday so it's lost its wow factor.

okay, i know i said a lot but that episode truly was a lot. come talk to me here or on my tlou blog @ellies-miller about your thoughts on this episode! i want to know what everyone thought and discuss it!

[shifterin]

I hope this doesn’t come off as disrespectful (and you obviously don’t have to answer) but how come you’re a lesbian but your dr partners are men? Are you a lesbian just in this reality?

hey, i don't mind answering at all <3 i appreciate the curiosity and not, like, an accusation that i'm not a lesbian or something 😭

i'm a lesbian here, yes. i just don't feel anything for men, no matter how hard i may try to force myself to. now, men that i will absolutely never encounter in this reality... that's another story. that i can safely romanticize without reality crushing down on me. so, i get very attached to unattainable men and those end up being the ones that i feel the most connection to in any given reality and therefore want to shift for. so, in my drs, i'm usually into men. i know they're real and very much attainable in my dr, but not in this reality where i'm a lesbian, y'know? i think i just have so much love to give and it, personally, feels like limiting myself to only consider women as partner's, especially when the people i hold nearest and dearest to my heart are usually men (unfortunately, possibly a side effect of comphet). it's the same way people change their gender in their drs, but they're still what they identify with here. i know with certainty that i'm a lesbian, but not in every reality. i hope this clears it up for you a bit, i tried my best to explain!

[nqueso-lies]

https://www.tumblr.com/nqueso-lies/787048300167708672/saying-ew-cause-someone-headcanon-eddie-a-straight?source=share

is this a safe place to say that i think if Those stans could get away with calling buck fully 100% gay and that every woman he ever loved was just comphet that they absolutely would do that...... like they're already deeply biphobic about the idea of eddie being anything other than gay. there's still people who fully believe that bi men are just gay men who haven't come out of the closet yet, and i'm definitely not talking about the GA who don't know about bisexuality but other queer people who keep telling us we're invalid for one reason or another rn. they don't need to outright say "we need to worry about having the REAL QUEER REP made canon" [aka gay eddie in their minds] to imply that they view bisexuality as both less deserving of representation and a stepping stone to getting what they want (a mlm ship). god forbid their imaginary ship be a bi4bi ship, the lesser representation for whatever dumb fucking reason people came up with

(in case u cant tell... im a very tired bisexual after this month and its not even over yet. i want people to just leave us alone so bad)

❤️❤️

[xaeyrnofnbe]

ok not to participate in something i've seen people arguing about. BUT. i think it's actually pretty interesting and telling about willow's character that she identifies as a lesbian. because we KNOW she is also attracted to men, but once she figures out she likes girls, she suddenly starts acting like she never liked guys in the first place. which yeah i know comphet is a thing but i don't think that's what that is. her thing with xander i could totally see as comphet but definitely not with oz. (and while i think trans oz headcanons are totally valid and not an issue in the slightest, i don't think there's enough in canon to make it a legitimate reading of the character, y'all i think he's just short and comfortable in his masculinity.)(it's fine if you disagree that's just so not what this post is about)

willow likes men AND women, but explicitly only refers to herself as a lesbian past a certain point. so i think ignoring that and just calling her bisexual shows a disinterest in who she is as a character.

somethings something her insecurity regarding her personal identity in relation to others. conformity. people-pleasingness. etc. she has emotional issues coming out of her ears and this can be interpreted as a symptom of many of them. yes biphobia was a present issue in the construction of the show i know i know. but in-universe, willow rosenberg made the decision to identify as a lesbian despite also liking men. and i think that that detail shouldn't be ignored in discussions regarding her character