#What if I don't like men and it's just comphet

[slasherzslvt]

H e l p

[adustoflove]

I always think well if I dated a man, I wouldn't feel as insane. I wouldn't feel so awful or jealous. And then I remember why I came to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian. I just wouldn't care if it were a man. I just can't bring myself to care about men like that 😔😩😭

[nedlittle]

[crawls out of oklahoma! west end bootleg shaking and covered in blood]

edit: hi everyone i saw the bootleg bc a friend who purchased it was kind enough to stream over discord. i can send you the google form if you would also like to pay a couple bucks for your insides to be vapourized but i cannot actually link the bootleg

[scarlettfevor]

The argument people on twitter try to make where gay men are allowed to obsess over female celebs but lesbians who do the same thing for male celebs have their sexuality questioned is kind of dishonest when you leave out the fact that gay men will often idolize female celebs like Britney and Gaga because in their eyes they're stong, confident women who can freely express their femininity, meanwhile many "lesbians" who like male celebs can only express their admiration by "joking" about how he's the only man who could turn them. The two are very obviously not the same

[ghostsontelevision]

so much of comphet discourse feels like it could be solved by bisexual women and lesbians like, realizing they have different experiences.

like i don’t blame bi women for having a negative reaction to “have u considered having a crush on men is fake” but as a lesbian who DID look at boys in my class and make the active *choice* to have crushes on them like. i think someone telling me that made me secretly bisexual would also cause a negative reaction in me yanno

if u read the am i a lesbian masterdoc and go “actually attraction to men feels good and cool for me, can’t relate” then cool! you’re probably not a lesbian lol. the lesbian masterdoc isnt saying “all women feel like this and are lesbians” it’s saying “if you can relate to this, it’s probably worth considering that you might be a lesbian”. and even if you CAN relate to stuff in the lesbian masterdoc but still feel that bisexual is the most accurate label for you, that’s fine too! its your sexuality nobody else should tell you what to do with it. it just seems wild to me to look at a tool that multiple lesbians have said is helpful and go “well this does not help me, a bisexual woman, so we shouldn’t use it”

[kaeyapilled]

. (tw heterosexuality)

[xaeyrnofnbe]

it is actually so goddamn funny (and annoying) how blatantly bisexual so many buffyverse characters are but due to bisexuality not being a fully accepted/recognized thing (in the public eye i guess apparently) it's just. never treated as a possible way for the characters to identify. like

willow goes from liking strictly men to strictly liking women. with no exceptions outside of jokes. this CAN be explained as comphet but i highly doubt it was intended that way. now don't quote me on this but i think i recall hearing that she WAS initially supposed to be bisexual, but this was changed/not followed through on bc audiences Might Not Get It. ??? alright

all the vampires are at least a little not straight. most have been implied or even outright stated to have had gay sex at some point. but like it's weird. idk

not to mention in the comics, where buffy sleeps with a woman for a bit and EVERYONE IN HER LIFE gets mad at her for doing so because she's "obviously straight". even spike (someone who has also canonically dabbled in same-sex activities) gets involved in the buffybashing. but like she was very blatantly into this girl and what they were doing together so like??? ?.????? even the gay characters were mad at her for this

and that's just the really obvious stuff!!! i haven't even mentioned xander! or doyle! the list just keeps going

[taliabhattwrites]

I’m sorry if you’ve answered this, or if it should be obvious, but you does your substack say trans/rad/fem? What is trans radical feminism? How does it differ from just radical feminism?

Yep! It says Trans/Rad/Fem, as does the title of my book.

The short version is that your average online hate speech aficionado who calls themselves a TE"RF" is no more well-versed in actual radical feminist literature than the billionaire writer. The most feminist literature they've read is likely wizard kidlit, and maybe the most hateful bits of 'Transsexual Empire' or a bit of Sheila Jeffreys if you're lucky.

Meanwhile, the radical feminist tradition was one that itself emerged as a materialist, inclusive, and more working-class counterpoint to the First Wave's doddering Friedanism. People don't recall much of the first wave, but it engendered such ironclad feminist arguments as "lesbians are not oppressed by patriarchy because they do not marry and are not confined to the domestic sphere", or "mothers and fathers are equally responsible for women doing to the bulk of childcare, because mothers are so reluctant to let go."

Truly, it's a miracle there were any subsequent waves at all.

Adrienne Rich's essay on Compulsory Heterosexuality can be viewed as something of a turning point, a collation of a more materialist framework (since I don't believe Rich necessarily originated all the points she raised). She, rather gently and with more patience than I have ever demonstrated, addressed the arguments of the heterosexual feminists and highlighted the coercive nature of patriarchy and of heterosexuality itself, which could be considered a social regime, a model that attempts to subsume all women into domestic servitude and sexual labor for men.

(A quick aside--if you've ever encountered any arguments on this site along the lines of "CompHet is only for lesbians", do note that the original text involves Rich, a lesbian, laying out the argument to hetfeminists that all women, even straight women, are subjected to a mandatory heterosexual existence, and are punished for trying to live outside of it, as by pursuing economic independence or choosing to be childless.)

For me personally, given the rather dismal state of Indian feminism, which is dominated by affluent liberals and ignores the more radical prolefem and dalit feminist elements attempting to come to the fore, it was refreshing to finally behold a piece of feminist literature that identifies and names forced marriage as an aspect of patriarchy, one that a significant chunk of women all over the world, both within Western territories and without, live with. So much mainstream feminism in the 2000s and beyond was located in the interpersonal, the foregrounding of choices women "should" make, ignoring that for the vast majority of us, patriarchy either denies us any choice at all, or presents us with false ones, harshly punishing us for some choices while presenting them as "free".

(Liberal ideologies and systems, bound up as they are in a veneration of contracts between equal parties, account very poorly for contracts between parties on unequal footing, where one is at a significant material disadvantage and cannot truly make a "free" choice.)

Besides, it is neither true that modern feminism entirely discarded the second wave--look at "gender is a social construct" and "heteronormativity" for now-banal feminist concepts steeped in radfem origins--nor is it true that the "third wave", such as it was, was entirely aa step forward in inclusivity, trans-acceptance, class consciousness, or even racial justice. One need only look at the state of modern feminist discourses to see how well the latest "waves" have managed to argue the case for trans liberation, and my current most well-known essay is a deep dive into the Orientalist, transmisogynistic origins of "third genders", an idea the queer academy has uncritically absorbed and even championed.

I am under no misapprehensions that second-wave feminists would be my pals. A lot of them were white, for one thing. It is, however, a tradition that is both more diverse than the prevailing image of white, middle-class lesbian academics would have you believe, and one that has more than a few useful things to say, especially to a transfeminist.

I don't think we are best served by erecting a cordon sanitaire around the second wave and refusing to engage with it critically. I've read Transsexual Empire, for fuck's sake, and doing so revealed to me just how paper-thin this reactionary movement has always been. That book is as farcical and easily disproved as Hilary Cass' recent bilious screed, but both were elevated to legislative and political relevancy not due to their veracity, but because institutions simply need any literature to provide a veneer of legitimacy to their transphobia. That the texts exist at all is enough.

I have, in short, made my life's work engaging with scholarship that has historically ignored us, vilified us, or instrumentalized us, and that is as true for second-wave feminists as it is for cultural anthropologists. I just believe that Monique Wittig and Adrienne Rich made valuable contributions to feminist thought, and even as we remember all that their missteps, we should not erase what they did right.

On a personal note, I can think of no better revenge than taking the abandoned threads of the radical feminist tradition and finally fulfilling its aborted potential, as a transfeminist. The trans question tore the movement apart because of a subset of zealots who couldn't and wouldn't see us as sisters in the feminist struggle.

I am going to finish what they started, and make the conclusions that they couldn't. We're good at cleaning up other people's messes, after all.

[genderqueerdykes]

One of my friends who previously identified as gay is now in the process of realizing it's bisexual, and honestly I'm proud of it for being open to changing labels when it realizes something new. However, some of its other friends have made jokes about how it's "regressing" or how it's "letting the comphet get to it" which, as a bi person myself, is kind of making me side-eye them a bit. I'm honestly so tired of bisexuality being treated as "less queer" than being gay.

i really, really am, too, you're not alone in this.

first of all, i'm so sorry your friends are saying that, because that is literal queerphobia. like i'm sick of this too, because this is exactly what kept me from identifying as bisexual even though i knew i was. i was forced to identify as gay because if i didn't, people around me would call me straight. there was literally a period in time where i was dating a man and woman at the same time and people still would call me straight whenever it benefitted them

i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate when people use "comphet" when talking about bisexuals. comphet is a difficult subject and it has a lot very questionable talking points. generally, i see compulsive heterosexuality as what people do before they realize they're queer, while they're questioning, if they're in denial, or if they live somewhere where they just can't come out as queer so they force themselves to be straight. like that's not what comphet is or means

people have to get over themselves and accept that all modes of attraction a bisexual experiences is queer. unless someone explicity considers their bisexuality to be half gay/queer, half straight... it's best to recognize that all of their modes of attraction are queer. a bisexual man attracted to women is experiencing queer attraction. they are bisexual. unless this is explicitly how they state so, they are experiencing bisexual, not heterosexual attraction toward women.

bisexual women experience queer attraction to men. they experience bisexual attraction toward men. unless explicitly stated that they personally see that attraction as straight, it's queer. it's inherently queer because it is a bisexual person experiencing it. i don't understand why it's so hard for people to wrap their heads around.

i'm not suddenly straight because im a man who's attracted to both women and men. i'm not suddenly straight because i'm a woman who's attracted to both men and women. this is literally queer attraction, i'm experiencing multiple modes of attraction at once. "straight" attraction doesn't "cancel out" gay attraction. they exist alongside one another. they're both happening at once. you can't take 1 experience out of BIsexuality and focus on it. there are TWO OR MORE experiences happening, all at once. isolating one of them is a disservice to the bisexual.

bisexuality is queer. always. 100% of the time, unless defined otherwise. bisexuality challenges the binary of cisheternormative society by saying that gender doesn't matter when it comes to attraction. we show that the line between queer and straight isn't as defined as people think it is. we show that being attracted to any variety of genders can be queer. bisexual people completely break the "straight/gay" attraction binary, and if that scares you, get out of our way, because we're not leaving.

if it's genuinely scary to people that bisexual people literally challenge the straight/gay attraction binary... why are they here? wouldn't you be much more comfortable in the cisheteronormative society you love to suck up to? like genuine question there. if people breaking boundaries threatens you, why are you even here?

i hope things get better for it, and yourself. that's just so shitty of your friends. they need to care about biphobia, because they're making it harder on your friend to accept itself, and that's not what queer community is about. we don't do that here.

[aretheyqueer]

Is he gay?

disclaimer: this is a hc, not speculating on what the writers intentions were.

reason: The only viable romantic options for him in canon are men, he develops from bratty twink to twunk to power bottom over the course of the movies, and the only female interaction he has is with his aunt or weird comphet with his sister. There are also multiple interactions with other men that are very 👀. And I just think he has the vibe.

[stanlunter]

Bi erasure in the fandoms

There are many types of biphobia among people, but I wanna talk about the least noticable type of it, which is super common and barely gets called out. "Headcanoning" canon/implied bisexual characters (mostly female, for some reason) as lesbians.

Usually they don't even portay it as a "headcanon", but just state that they are and make everyone believe this. And when they done, people even start call you lesbophobic for calling bi erasure our, bc It's suddenly you're the one who "erase" lesbians. And the funny thing is that a lot of those who state so, haven't even watched these shows and just have "heard" that these characters are "lesbians" and the continue misinformate everyone else. And that's awful and very harmful for bi community

Let's take some examples

1. Asami and Korra

Both are bisexual women who were in love with the same man and then broke up with him and started dating each other. Prolly the most heavily implied bisexuals ever. But what do people have problems with? Oh, they think that if a bi girl has broken up with a man, it means only that she realized she's lesbian. Not that her ex was a cheater, not that their relationship was toxic. No, they can break up only bc she had a comphet. There are no other options. And if a girl dates another girl, she's also 100% lesbian, bc bi girls are just "straights who wanna invade lgbt", right? Oh, yeah, also Korra is strong and muscle "lesbian stereotype" and Asami is "cold and lady-like" "lesbian stereotype" so yeah, It's absolutely makes them lesbians! — another example of why the stereotypes are actually harmful.

2. Poison Ivy (both in the show and in the comics)

Absolutely the same thing as with Korra and Asami, but is also a "mean lesbian stereotype" which is basically the strongest stereotype, so yeah. Ivy dated Kite man and was actually attracted to him. She liked kissing me and enjoyed his company. The only thing that made her break up with Kite man is that he wasn't someone she saw her future with. He didn't fit her and she knew who did - Harley, her girlfriend. Even when Ivy knew she was attracted to Harley (bc she litterally cheated with her), she still knew she is attracted to Kite man and even so planned their wedding, but being attracted ≠ being soulmates, unfortunately. People also for some reason think that just bc Ivy hates men, it means she has to be lesbian. Ig they don't know there are bi or even straight girls who hate men. Like febfems (bi girls who refuse to date men for political reasons and their safety) don't exist. Like you can't be attracted to someone you hate.

And after all, Ivy dating Kite Man (and Dan Back) isn't even the main reason she's bisexual. Besides it, she was confirmed to be bisexual multipe times by many different authors. She's canon bi in almost every universe. And the way some new authors are trying to change her sexuality is a clearest bi erasure. And It's also funny, cuz if someone ever dared to turn a canon lesbian character into bisexual, everyone would immidiatly lose it. But when they do the same with bisexuals, It's suddenly being ignored. Wow.

3. Sasha Waybright

Thankfully the last time I don't see this so often (mb bc the fandom is dying tho), but just when everyone's favourite "mean lesbian" was confirmed to be bisexual, everyone went wild... Yeah, their favourite stereotype was broken. Does it mean they started to understand that stereotypes don't define sexuality and that even mean girls can like men? Ofc not! They obviously started to say that she was confirmed as bi bc: 1. Disney didn't want to let her be lesbian 2. Mate did it only to make the fandom mad

Lmao. They really gonna believe anything but that a character can just be...bisexual. And even so, they keep "headcanoning" her as lesbian. I've even heard people who were saying she had a "comphet" and will realize she's lesbian in the future. That's not even funny, but it does make me laugh

4. Princess Bubblegum

Oh, I love the way the whole tik tok fandom suddenly started to call Bubblegum "canon lesbian" just bc someone has said so and others have spread it up. Ig I should be thankful, that they at least recognize Marcelin being bisexual, huh?

Anyways, the thing is that Bubblegum, just as much as Marcelin was heavily implied to be bisexual. She litterally had an ex bf and for those who love calling every bi character with ex bfs lesbians with comphet, besides that Bubblegum was also in love with Finn in the episode when she turned 13. She litterally kissed him there and has said she wishes she could stay this way with him. It was directly shown throught the whole show that's the only reason why Finn's feelings are one sided is that Bubblegum is way older than him. And in the episode "Too young" it was directly confirmed. But people are still gonna call her lesbian just...bc? I don't even know why, she doesn't even fit stereotypes that much. Mb they decided to "ruin stereotypes" by it? Or mb they just decided that since6she rejected Finn (a litteral child) it means she can't be attracted to men at all? This logic is even worse. But God only knows what is in their heads

5. Yang Xiao long

Oh, yeah, this one is usually super objectionable bc she was showing interest in men basically only in v1 and then started dating Blake. And if Blake being bi was so clear that there are basically no people denying it or bc she fits bi stereotypes, who knows, however we should remember that bisexuals don't have to have equal attraction to everyone (like Blake, who had 2 male and 2 female love interests) and they don't have to date all genders to prove their attraction.

But there are many evidences of Yang being attracted to men too.

In the whole Yellow Trailer Yang actively flirts with a man

In ep3v1 she happily gazas on shirtless men and then, when Ruby says "father wouldn't approve it" she answers (I know, I fo) – which already would be enought to confirm her attraction to men

But in the same volume, when the team decorates their room, when Yang hangs a poster with a male band of the artists she's attracted too, it was shown that she liked men as well.

Yeah, I got that both the fandom and Roosters really love to forget everything that was in v1-2, but It's a fact that Yang is bisexual as well as Blake. But wait, she's a "strong lesbian stereotype", right!!! So let's ignore a bi representation, sure!

6. Sunset shimmer

Here's a girl, who canonically has dated a man and was officially confirmed to be bisexual by the author in Twitter. So why do people keep "headcanoning" her as lesbian? Oh, bc she's SUNSET and has flags of lesbian colors. Like "Sunset" was invented by lesbian flag, yeah. And what's the funniest thing in this perfect argument is that Sunset Shimmer was created even before the sunset lesbian flag designed!

And, yeah, I could take the "she has said that she didn't like Flash so it was a comphet/pretending" thing, but the problem is that it still litterally was confirmed by the author himself that Sunset is bisexual. And in the further show and even movie we can see clear signs of them still having a thing for each other. Like Sunset winks to him and many of their other interactions, but they can be read in a friends way as well ofc, which doesn't make her any less of canon bi!

7. Clawdeen Wolf

Her situation is exactly like Yang's. Since not so long time ago Clawdeen was confirmed to be lgbt and there was announced a comic about her and Toralei's romantic relationship, everyone started yelling that she's "canon lesbian" now. However it was only confirmed that she's wlw, not lesbian. And wlw includes these little unknown people called bisexuals.

But why do I say she's bi, but not lesbian? Well, bc it was clearly shown in the show and the movies that she's attracted to men. Yeah, she's a bit less obsessed with them than others and doesn't have a bf, however her feelings for many of them were obvious. And it was no where near a comphet. No, she was exactly attracted to them, that's a fact. So for now, she's a heavily implied bi character who had feelings for boys and who is dating a girl, just like Yang. And calling her lesbian is kinda biphobic

8. Kagami Tsurugi

A canon bisexual character, who's love to both Marinette and Adrian was confirmed in official synopsis for s5 and official show bible. She was shown to have a clearest attraction to Adrian and Felix, 2 men. Even if after she has broken up with Adrian (and no, not bc she realized she was lesbian, but bc he has fucking lied to her face and has broken up her heart) some people got an idea of her being a "lesbian with a comphet", this idea was destroyed again by her new attraction to Felix, another man.

However people are still gonna ignore her canon sexuality and call her a lesbian, by using "comphet" as a justification, or even by turning Felix and Adrian into transwomen, which isn't a justification to erase bi representation either anyways!

It's especially hurting since she's my favourite character I strongly relate to tho

9. Sayaka

Omg, Madoka Magica is an anime that includes girls who like girls. Almost all of the main characters are implied to be lesbians. But you know who's being headcanoned as a lesbian the most?? That's right! The only girl that likes boys too! What an irony, yeah? Sayaka has a huge romantic tension with Kyoka and has a canon crush on her male childhood friend – Kyosuke. So we can have the only bi rep out of 5 wlw girls. Ofc this rep was taken from us, bc some people wanna headcanon (or even impose it as canon) that the only bisexual girl is a lesbian with a comphet! Sure, yeah. Again, my favourite excuse for bi erasure, nothing's new, lol

10. Utena and Anthy

Another bisexual couple, who's coded sexuality is always getting erased. Uthena and Anthy love each other and even shared a kiss in one of the endings. The status of their relationship wasn't directly stated in anime, however everyone who has eyes can see their clear romantic and not only tension. Utena's another love interest is Touga, who was her childhood love who she was shown to have super clearest attraction throught the anime, and this attraction has no platonic explanation, so yeah, Utena ia attracted to both men and women and It's canon. The same goes for Anthy: she had strong feelings for Dios. Both characters are bi-coded and comphet was never there. People are just trying to use it as an excuse to bi erasure bc they want all wlw characters to be lesbians, that's all.

So, if someone is gonna say that I'm "denying comphet" or any other shit like that, no, I know it exists and I know a lot of lesbians go throught it and it deserves a representation too, but in such cases the difference between comphet and an actual attraction to men is so clear and you know that.

There are also examples of the characters who had or could have comphet:

Like Apple White, who thought she supposed to like Daring just bc he's "her destiny", but she never liked him (and even in her bio she says that just bc they have to marry, it doesn't mean they're dating) and her actual "true love", who's kiss made Apple wake up was Darling, his sister. And It's an actually good example of comphet bc of the society pressure. Or Yuzu (even tho for some reason some people still think she's bi) who was said to never be in love with anyone untill her step-sister, she even lied to her friends about having boyfriends bc she thought there was smth wrong with her since she isn't attracted to men. Also Velma and etc. Unfortunately there aren't that many examples, but even with these ones the difference between a lesbian with a comphet and a bisexual girl is obvious, so yeah, you just want an excuse to erase bisexuals and turn them into lesbians and it will never be okay

[aingeal98]

The thing is I don't think Cass needs to realise she's a lesbian to realise she's into Steph, the real question for her would be trying to figure out HOW she likes Steph. Does she want them to keep on being the way they are forever? Does she want to kiss Steph the way they kiss boys? Why does she feel a little bad sometimes when Steph goes on dates with guys? Is it jealousy or her own personal insecurity? Ugh too many feelings. Need to punch bad guys until she feels normal again.

Meanwhile Steph has so much trauma around shitty men and being isolated from any helpful support system. Young teen Steph attached herself to the first supbar but safe and not evil boy who showed her some decency, even though she would rather die than admit how much she cares for most of their beginning together. It's not comphet exactly but while she's comfortable acknowledging how attractive some women are the thought of dating one like dating a guy is just not something I see her automatically assuming. Like she'd need to give it some thought before the penny dropped and afterwards she'll call Tim like "YOU ASSHOLE YOU MADE ME REALISE I'M ALSO BI AND NOW I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH CASS." and Tim is just like "??? I'm trying to catch a serial killer here what level of emotional crisis are we at before I drop everything to come over and talk."

So basically Cass falls first and harder because Steph died before they ever got out of the situationship phase but I like to think after Steph returned and they grew closer, as soon as Steph realises she's bi she doesn't fall for Cass so much as trip down the entire flight of stairs hitting every step on the way there.

[demilypyro]

I'm sorry for thinking I was straight for like 6 months there. In my defense I was still owed an overcoming-comphet phase, I didn't have one in high school. Reassessing what you want out of relationships is hard, especially when you're still figuring your whole self out. I don't feel the same way towards women now as I did before I transitioned, and I thought that meant I like men instead, but I think I just like women in a different way now. Does that make sense? Idk. Eventually I figured out that while I like masculinity, in every situation it's better when women do it. I'm just a dumbass who's into butches.

[lesbian-kyoru]

something i love so dearly about yuzumako is how the lesbian coding of their relationship is so healing, rather than self-destructive?? by that i mean, so much queer coding is filtered through the lens of, here is this character whose queer identity is so fraught that it often leads them to lashing out and misery, & you always think how much happier they'd be if they could make peace with themselves..... but with yuzuki and makoto, the safety and peace they feel around each other always serves as the anecdote to their struggles, ESPECIALLY with boys.

in ch 20 yuzuki is disappointed with boys endlessly complimenting her painting w/o looking at it—seeing her as a romantic conquest rather than caring abt her as a person. the same chapter, it's makoto who actually cares about her painting & yuzuki's artistry EXACTLY how she hoped. the loneliness & resentment yuzu experiences is directly tied to heteronormativity, with boys assuming that they can disrespect her boundaries since she's a pretty girl to be "won over"—only for makoto's actions to parallel the same set up BUT she always demonstrates a truer understanding of yuzu as a person & friend throughout the process, and every time it brings yuzu such a sense of safety & comfort that she NEVERRRRR feels around boys pursuing her!!

there's such an intense lesbian coding to yuzu's avoidance of male romantic advances as opposed to how she leans into not only female friendship but specifically to makoto's own feelings for her shining through—and again, i love this because it's so positive & warm. rather than queerness being a source of anguish, makoto brings yuzu more joy than heteronormativity ever does.

next, after mako's date that she calls a battle, it's yuzu who says she looks cute & cheers her up! mako ALSO decides she doesn't care about being boyfriendless bc yuzu makes her so happy which is sooooo baby lesbian like are you serious! the same as the scene with yuzu's artwork, makoto's date with a boy that only brought her discomfort & feelings of unworthiness is followed by joy & affirmation found in yuzu's company—again, queerness & female connection shown as the anecdote to comphet/mako forcing herself to present hyperfeminine to fit what's expected.

also of note is makoto's recurring jealousy of yuzu's beauty—even though this is a negative emotion, i love how it's ultimately overpowered by her affection for yuzu. also the lesbian pipeline from i want to be her -> i want to kiss her is alive & well for makoto. so so obviously.

then finally, probably the crowning example of my point is yuzu's arc of being set up on a date w her new classmate against her will! as an aside these chapters depict such a common lesbian experience, where to avoid being socially isolated, we give into comphet & just go along with boys' feelings for us, thinking it's best if we don't cause issues & eventually we can get ourselves to reciprocate, giving them what they want at the expense of our repressed identities—yuzu is taught that her feelings don't matter; her beauty was made for male consumption.

now in high school, yuzu decides to speak up for herself & reject the role she's been placed into, again as a beautiful prize to be won—it's common for closeted lesbians to think they can convince themselves to like men back, but yuzu won't go along with this forced set up again. after she rejects this boy, her classmates make yuzu feel like SHE'S the one who has done something wrong & don't take her discomfort into account—it's hard for them to understand why, as a pretty girl, she isn't willing to just go along with men's attraction. ENTER MAKOTO!!!

sorry makoto is frankly so smooth for this. when yuzu leaves school early & makoto hears about her date, she brings yuzu pudding & tells her that she wants yuzu to be honest with her about when she's feeling down, even though their experiences are different. when reading both characters through a queer lens, it's very interesting to see how they've had different experiences w heteronormativity & gender up to now—yuzu is constantly fighting comphet demons whereas makoto feels less than for not being as feminine or gorgeous as yuzu.

but even though their experiences with lesbianism & girlhood have been different, makoto wants to hear how yuzu truly feels and comfort her. once again, after seeing the horrible pressures & pains yuzu has experienced through heteronormative dating & misogyny, it is her incredibly queer-coded friendship with makoto that makes her feel safe enough to cry openly in front of her!!!!! yuzu's peers, but particularly boys, show a disregard for her emotions, and then we see makoto fill that role of support & care so easily. like the dream boyfriend she is :)

there's a lot more i could say about yuzumako & their individual arcs, but to tie everything up, it is so common in lesbian (or queer coded) media for a character's lesbianism to be something that brings them nothing but pain and suffering, either in its repression or awareness—so i absolutely love how skip & loafer showcases (through yuzumako but also the ENTIRE cast) that embracing your queer identity can be so healing & positive. the story doesn't shy away from presenting a lot of the pain that closeted lesbians go through, like struggles with their gender & how socially ingrained heteronormativity is—but these struggles are always followed up by such intentional examples of yuzumako's connection (+ lesbian yearning) being so comfortable & happy to them! i love angst too but seeing them, time and time again, know exactly what the other needs & be able to be that for each other is soooooo rewarding!!!

happiness in queer media does not need to erase the struggles of our lives, but rather showing authentic queerness not as the problem but as the SOLUTION is unbelievably impactful. long live yuzumako

[velvetvexations]

I have the forcefem meme blog blocked but someone I follow put a post of her's on my dash and she's just straight up saying "this isn't a kink blog, the way I do forcefem isn't kinky" and I swear my brain stopped working entirely for a second. I don't think there's anything wrong with kinks changing with a subculture or community or becoming memes but like. Come on. Forcefem is a kink, that's what it is. I try not to get too worked up about this blog because it's not good for me and my judgement does get clouded by the dysphoria it triggers but like, it really does genuinely worry me the way the meme-ification of forcefem has completely divorced the kink element from what is still very fucking clearly a kink. This whole "I'm not doing it in a kink way" is not a get out of kink free card, and it's a piss poor excuse for going around and flooding this website with kink stuff that now essentially cannot be avoided in trans spaces. No other kink that has like, a potentially sfw angle has a community that acts like this about it, people who do like bootblacking performances where no explicitly sexual acts take place still make it clear this is a kink thing so people can avoid it if they want, and there are huge arguments in furry communities over if you can even do "sfw" vore because vore is a kink even when no traditional sex acts are being depicted. Every other kink community gets that even when no one is fucking, a kink is still a kink and should be treated as such for the safety of everyone, why should THIS be the exception??

Ugh anyway sorry didn't want this to turn into a rant, I really don't think there's anything wrong with doing a fun sfw kind of forcefem with people who consent but like, as a kinky person who cares a lot about kink and BDSM history and communities the blatant refusal to consider forcefem a kink AT ALL is concerning. You cannot un-kink-ify it, this is a kink goddamn it and when you stop treating it as such you open up a LOT of unsafe grey areas on top of making it borderline impossible for people who are squicked out by it to avoid it because no one is going to tag for something they think is a harmless, gender-affirming, tgirl approved meme.

Idk tho maybe I'm letting my own dysphoria get in the way, feel free to check me if that's the case I will take the L with grace, but I just feel like this "It's not a kink when I do it" thing is...in poor taste, at the very least. I don't think it's intentionally malicious either I just don't like it when we stop recognizing that a kink is a kink.

I advocate tirelessly for being able to live BDSM relationships in public to the extent that "normal" relationships are allowed, but what I do not do is say I should get to snap a collar around a random girl's neck and drag her off because it's just a lifestyle. Like fuck off with "it's not a kink," IT IS, and it is NON-CON.

My biggest fan can't shut up about me supposedly calling trans women groomers because I think it's bad for trans men to say they want to cure trans women's "comphet," but you know what's also sexually coercive? Shoving your non-con fetish at people, many of whom are going to have reasons to be outright triggered by it, and then call it fine because it's so totally non-sexual.

SATIRE BEGIN

Well, okay, fine, start making indiscriminate forcemasc jokes at women. It's not a kink! There's nothing wrong with being a trans man! How could they possibly complain?

SATIRE END

That's a rhetorical question too, the answer is that they'd be massive hypocrites about it and say some dumbass shit like "transmascs just invented forcemasc to gentrify our fet I MEAN NOT A FETISH" or "trans men shouldn't care about being forcefemmed because there's nothing wrong with it but being a man is Bad."

[lyricailove]

Does it ever hit you that because of Frank and Monica's emotional detachment, all of the Gallagher's seek out affection from romantic partners? But like to an almost obsessive degree.

Fiona's is obvious. She's hypersexual and falls in love easily. She will downplay her issues with Frank as something she's grown used to, but it's clear that it still affects her. She also does the same when it comes to Monica but I feel like her hostility towards other women comes from how she doesn't trust Monica, doesn't really trust herself, and sees those insecurities on other women. Ex: Her treatment of Mandy and distrust of her around Lip.

Lip is a classic case of a man dealing with his mommy issues by making it every woman's problem. He's hostile towards his romantic partners when they want a real commitment from him and he talks to women with so much disrespect that it's a wonder someone hasn't stomped his ass out yet. He's especially harsh towards his own sisters even though they've been the one's who have been there for him. He may hate Frank but he's noticeably giving and extremely forgiving towards men, even those he's only known for a short while. Almost like the story about the turtle was just as much about him hoping that he could fix Frank as it was about Frank crushing his hopes of a real father figure.

Ian being groomed is in no way his fault and is the fault of the creeps who pursued him. But I can't ignore the fact that Frank's abuse and neglect opened him up the further abuse he suffered at the hands of Kash and Ned. It's no coincidence that both Kash and Ned shower Ian with gifts and compliments about how impressive, smart, and mature he is.

Debbie 1. deals with comphet in the first few seasons, and 2. Feels ignored by her family so she tries to create her own family. Debbie is visibly the one most affected by Frank's issues and even when she for all intents and purposes gives up on him, it still affects her. Frank's hurtful words about her only finding love with someone "just as fucked up as she is" pushes her to put consider a dangerous situation with Heidi. She's also someone who struggles with control issues because she needs to help other people. She's a problem solver by nature. It's just that the two problems she wishes she could solve more than anything are out of her hands (Frank and Monica). She can't fix Frank's addiction, his selfishness, or his abusive tendencies. She can't fix Monica's wanderlust, her avoidance, or her aversion to long-term commitment.

Carl is so good at masking his emotions. It's easy to miss. But then you notice things like his attachment to Fiona, his absolute devotion to the girls he likes, and his need to protect. Carl is hypersexual, even though I've seen it rarely brought up in fandom, and longs for a long-term girlfriend. When he does get girlfriends he's all in from the beginning. When Carl loves someone he is all about them. He's so casual when it comes to talking about Frank and Monica, but that doesn't mean those feelings aren't there and they aren't affecting him.

Liam is still young so we don't get to see him in a relationship. He's the one Gallagher who's consistently treated like an actual kid. Probably the one who has the best chance at healthy emotional attachments. But then again, Fiona leaving most likely did a number on him and we weren't privy to what that looks like for him because the latter seasons forgot how to do long-term storytelling and emotional payoff. All we know is that he doesn't remember Monica, Frank being gone makes him an orphan and he's worried about where he's gonna live because Lip forgot that Liam was technically under Frank's care. We didn't get to see it, but I'd say Liam's first emotional crash is probably on the horizon.