#WHY AM I IN TWO FUCKING MORE STATS CLASSES THIS YEAR

[sweet-as-kiwis]

*accidentally gets a minor in math*

[hello-galad]

No one asked for this but here i am shoving my Cid age-related headcanons down y’all’s throat.

This all started because I saw @renegadeem ‘s comment on a post about Valenwind and Cid’s age and the Curious Case of Square Enix Not Giving Us Characters That Are Canonically Over 40 (then you take a look at some of them and you know in your heart they are 62, twice divorced and currently screaming at some kids to get off their lawn).

Alright, buckle up. I’m about to monologue, ladies, gents, non-binary peeps and everybody else in between:

Note: Have in mind I headcanon Shera to be two years younger than Cid and to have also been part of the Shinra Youth Science Program but at different years. Note note: this might change in the future because I’m like a sponge and i absorb hcs.

At 16 years-old Cid Highwind Gets into the Shinra Youth Science Program at Midgar.

I’m sure Shinra has programs like these to catch brilliant minds that help them build their empires (labor force that already know how to do the job you want them to) like most transnational companies do in our world.

There, all students must take military training, they even share some classes with the Cadets for SOLDIER.

On a side note, given his stats in the game and his weapon of choice I say he comes from a family of dragoons and Heidegger takes an interest in him but Cid is focused on becoming an engineer and that is more useful to Shinra.

There is a fic i really love that sorta touches the topic of Cid’s family as dragoons by one of my favorite authors Vinvalen right here (Valenwind: Crusader rain) .

At 20 years-old Cid graduates top of his class as Mechanical engineer. He starts working on building aircraft and flight hardware for Shinra as he starts his career to become an Aerospace Engineer.

At 24 years-old he graduates top of his class as Aerospace Engineer at Shinra.

At 26 years-old Cid gets his pilot’s license with more than 500 hours of flight. Starts the prototype for what he started calling THE SHINRA I. He would later develop the blueprints further to build what will be THE HIGHWIND.

At 28 years of age Cid and Shera present the initiative for the Space Program to Shinra with the initial project and blueprints for a rocket and satellite. The Satellite should have been deployed first and left to circle around The Planet in the upper orbit a year before the rocket launch.

Shinra approves of the project eight months later and Cid Highwind becomes Chief Engineer of it with Shera as Chief scientist and his second in command. The base is settled in a small town outside Midgard that will later be known as Rocket Town.

At 32 years old, Shera (30) and Cid get married. They never really dated, but they spent so much time together that they both decided “why not?”.

Evidently, that goes downhill from there because tHAT IS NOT HOW HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE BUILT.

When Cid is 33 years old, the first satellite gets deployed earlier. The mission is a complete success and Shinra has plans to put a couple more in orbit except instead of using them for research, Scarlet and Heidegger wish to weaponize them with Mako Canons. Cid is against this at first but understands that he can’t really say no to Shinra when they are the ones funding the Space Program.

Him and Shera don’t really talk to each other outside of work, they do fuck occasionally to let out steam but that keeps happening less and less.

When Cid is 36 years old Shera almost dies and Cid stops the launch to save her.

Cid is downgraded from Chief engineer and one year later, Shinra cancels the Space Program taking away every single blueprint and infrastructure project Cid ever created when working for Shinra and they basically try to alienate him when Cid tries to fight back. Shera keeps working for them in charge of space communications. Cid is devastated.

As a side project, Cid starts the blueprint and building of the BRONCO I (Later known as the Tiny Bronco. Later known as a) the plane Cloud almost broke and b) The “ARE WE SERIOUSLY USING MY FUCKIN PLANE AS A BOAT DAMMIT FINE WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FUCK SHINRA OVER”).

When Cid is 37 years old, him and Shera get divorced, the divorce documentation was initiated by Shera. Despite the fact that they haven’t even slept together in the same room in literal years, Cid was willing to live unhappily for her sake. She decides to stop that, but her mental health is still not the best and she has developed an attachment to him so she stays in Rocket Town “Taking care of him” as Cid goes in what Shera is afraid is a sort of self-destructive path.

Cid works on personal projects, flying people and cargo across The Planet and fixing and building things for other people. Shinra sends a Turk sometimes to spy on what he’s doing to make sure that whatever he’s building isn’t something that goes against Shinra. After all, they know he’s capable of building a ship with the right tools and Cid is quite crafty.

At 38 years old Cid is angry at Shinra, Shera, the planet, everyone really, and specially himself. He loathes Rocket Town but can’t bring himself to actually leave. He thinks he has to deal with what he thinks was the failure of his lifetime (“To atone for his sins” in a way *cough cough*). He starts flying people around and killing the Mako infected beasts that attack Rocket Town occasionally. He’s kept himself in shape all this time because habits are hard to break and he’s mildly paranoid of Turks (with good reason) and other shit he knows Shinra has been developing.

In the year he reaches 39 years of age he meets a group of eco-terrorist weirdos that seem to travel with the daughter of Ilfana, a scientist he once had the hots for back at Shinra.

Said group is made of a rogue traumatized SOLDIER, a girl who could kick his ass with her fists, Ilfana’s daughter who is actually a part of a now extinct ancient human race, what appears to be a talking lion, a robot cat that rides a mog, a teenage ninja girl that gets a kick out of calling him old, a mother hen in the shape of a very ripped man with a gun for an arm and a gunslinger vampire.

Then Cid Highwind goes to space, Vincent is next to him on the Rocket, Shera is Chief Mission Control working along with his old team who also decided to say “fuck you” to Shinra and have taken over a building. This is the start of a new chapter for him, finally.

By this point Cid had been telling himself he is not in love with Vincent for almost a year, you know, like a liar. He has never loved anyone like he loves Vincent. He used to love Shera, of course, but not like this. He still cares for her, but when he married Shera they were both 30 and it seemed like the right next thing they had to do. He never bothered to learn about Shera’s favorite books outside the ones related to their work or which desserts would make her close her eyes in delight. They would fuck when they were horny and sleep on the same bed but never did Cid whispered bad poetry against her collarbone and slept better when he could feel her hair against his shoulder.

When Sephiroth is defeated, Meteor is stopped by Holy and everyone goes home for a while to rest, him and Vincent talk and Vincent knows that he wants to stay with Cid but he is still so scared. Years of torture and trauma are slow to heal, sometimes they don’t heal ever, and Cid is okay with that. Whatever Vincent needs, Cid will give him. Vincent loves Cid so much he is willing to try.

Shera and Cid talk and she stays at the house for one more year before she finally decides to go over everything that happened and starts living her own life for herself.

When Cid is 41 years of age, him and Shera create HIGHWIND Corp as co-owners with Shera as CEO and Cid as Chief engineer. They work alongside the WRO to rebuilt the planet using sustainable energy and building sustainable hardware and software. Cid knows Shinra is involved, with Rufus re-building Shinra with an eco-perspective now. This time though, HIGHWIND Corp is negotiating through the WRO and Cid and Shera are not afraid to say “fuck you, no”.

Vincent comes and goes from Rocket Town. Cid buys some land almost in the middle of nowhere and stablishes his house, hangar and workshop there, Vincent follows. He has his own room at the house even if Cid and him sleep in the same bed most of the time and Vincent spends a lot of time perched somewhere on a crate looming over Cid at the workshop, usually reading and listening to Cid work.

Yuffie is also a common guest and she has her own room there as well.

Vincent receives a call from Reeve, there’s been a couple of disappearances and an organization that calls itself “the underground” seem to be responsible. Cid flies Vincent around on his mission to destroy the underground and happily blows some shit up.

After literal decades, Vincent finally faces the fact that he was a victim, that Lucretia was just as guilty as Hojo. He discovers what happened to Grimoire, visits his mother’s grave and is finally on the path to believing that he was not responsible for the awful things done to him.

Turns out that Vincent’s past demons are worst than his actual very real demons. He gets into common ground with them and they recognize him not only as their host but as their link to the Planet and are willing to fight for him.

Chaos decides to go against their nature as a demigod of death and destruction and they defeat Omega.

Chaos doesn’t go back to the planet, he stays with Vincent, although their relationship changes from “I was trapped inside in this vessel against my will and I’m angry” to “you are my host and we take care of the host, thank you for being our link to The Planet”.

The others agree. Vincent receives them not because he has to, but because he wants to.

[Vincent goes to Lucretia’s cave after that and he tells her about what he found in her and Hojo’s archives, tells her that he’s sorry he couldn’t protect her and that he knows and remembers what she did to him. For the first time he is not seeing her as perfect, just as she was: a scientist who wanted results, a human who was moved by the power of knowledge, imperfect, responsible for some of the scars on his body and his mind. She was not responsible for the perfect imagine of her he made up in his head. For his own unresolved trauma that lead him to believe he had to love her and she could have loved him.

Vincent tells her that Grimoire’s death was not her fault. He tells her what he knows now of Chaos, how they are more than just a creature, more than just rare materia.

Then, Vincent tells Lucretia about Cid. About how he loves him and the way he loudly snores. About how Cid loves going star-watching. About how he’s been painting, The Planet and Vincent being his favorite subjects.

Vincent tells her about how he was so scared of falling in love again but then in those moments after defeating Omega and realizing he might die for real this time, he was more scared of Cid not knowing he loved him.

He tells her about how, when he fell to the ground, Chaos in distress inside of him, Vincent too tired, too many bones broken and internal bleeding to move, the realization that he was not healing settling in; he thought about his life, about his parents and Veld, about his new friends and Aerith, who he knew was watching over them from the livestream, about the letter Tifa would carry with her everywhere, the beautiful strokes of Aerith’s handwriting unmistakeable, even when a couple of years ago, tears had soaked the paper. About Cloud crying every night after he managed to remember who he was before he was experimented on by Hojo, about him carefully cradling the dog tags Tseng gave him after Meteor was gone, the same name on them that Cloud used to whisper on those long nights when he thought everyone in the party was already asleep: “Zack”.

He thought about Sephiroth believing Jenova was his mother instead of knowing of Lucretia, of having his own father treat him like an experiment. He thought of that young SOLDIER, Genesis, half broken and willing to sleep forever, just like Vincent once did, until he was reminded there’s more to live for.

He thought of Marlene and a distressed Barret wondering if his daughter was still alive, of Nanaki, still young and a guardian now. He thought of Shera and her husband and how their daughter liked frogs and helping Uncle Cid build rockets made of cardboard.

Thought of her, Lucretia, and how Vincent’s love for her sprouted out of a promise to Grimoire to keep her safe before he disappeared mixed with the guilt that he couldn’t keep his promise. Thought of dumbapple pie from the dumbapple tree that randomly started growing in Cid’s land, about spring and Cid and Vincent building their garden.

He thought about home.

Finally in what would become the moment Vincent begins to let go he thanks her, forgives her. Then, the Planet finally lets Lucretia go, the cristal she was trapped in atoning for her own sins breaks and she finally joins the Lifestream. ]

When Cid turns 43 years old, AVALANCHE celebrates at the Seventh Heaven, there are old and new faces alike, almost all of them familiar. Shera and her husband and kid are there along with an older man with a scar on his face that Vincent calls “partner”. The Turks had the nerve to turn up but Cid stops giving them the evil eye when Tseng walks straight to Vincent’s “Partner”, eyes red and upper lip trembling and hugs him. All this in seconds before the Turk is back to his serene almost stoic face.

Rufus Shinra sends a present with them, of fucking course. Reeve takes it from Cid’s hands before he rips it apart. Funnily enough, its a bottle of his favorite whiskey and an actual damn letter reading “My gift to you is not having to see my face for the whole day, you are welcome. No, the whiskey is not poisoned. Stop being so paranoid Captain Highwind” in it. “Yah, I’ll stop being paranoid of damn Shinra when that fuckin’ brat stops wearin’ suits with more belts than the ones that’re supposed to keep yer pants up and yer gun in place, dammit!”

When Cid is 50 years of age, him and Vincent attend Yuffie’s wedding (they are like her parents. She didnt imprint on them, they imprinted on her. Vincent still calls her to reminds her to eat enough vegetables every week even when she’s over 30, Cid still calls her ‘mah kid’).

Vincent wears a suit, Cerberus rests in its holster on his right thigh and if he appears behind Cid with an actual shovel, eyes glowing Mako red and Chaos golden as Cid’s having a “friendly talk” with the groom…thats between him, Cid and the poor bastard. Cid wears his Captain uniform. Both look hot as hell. Both rail each other after the reception. Life is good.

(Check out @mamoru-chiba-ua ‘s art for the reference of Cid and Vincent at Yuffie’s wedding)

[raijintosworn]

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Name: Cyan

Pronouns: she/they/he

Birthday (no year): 28/05 (I share my birth with Siegbert and am between Mercie and chrom!)

Where are you from? What is your time zone? From France, live in England so like 5 hours ahead of the toa clock so I miss a lot

How long is your roleplay experience? Like 15 years now??? What the fuck

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? So I had a friend in school who was a weeb and asked if I RP. And I thought he meant. You know. Nsfw. So I was like Ew no :( I am a teen that is gross. Then he explained he meant like fandom RP and how it works and then I joined him on GaiaOnline YES I'M THAT OLD THANKS AND YES I STILL USE GAIA. I started with hetalia. Yes I'd still like to die

How were you introduced to TOA? Lailah hinted at me for like 2 weeks with lines like "I joined this group and you know Gerome misses Cynthia" and I kept going "sounds fun :)" and did not realise they were hinting until they straight up asked. wow I have been here 6 months

Do you have any pets? No :( I don't have the time for them

What is your favorite time of year and why?(Season, holiday, general period) Summer despite you know. The bugs. But I can actually function in summer

What is your IRL occupation? Data entry; it's why I'm on the discord server most of my day now

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? I like cooking, baking, oh and I'm a cosplayer! I've been at it for 3 years and yes it's mostly fire emblem bar ONE (soon to be two)

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Tales of (WHERE ARE MY TALES FRIENDS AT), Persona, critically acclaimed mmorpg FFXIV, octopath, ?? I'm not sure what else? I tried playing dragon age but it crashes constantly even with the fixes

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: I don't think I have a fave type but I really really love Dragonair 🥺

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! I once wrote about the ships I hate for an English exam. Got an A. But at what cost. One was a hetalia ship (I was a child.) and another was Bart and Milhouse. 😑 Yes that Bart and Milhouse.

How did you get into Fire Emblem? I was told to play Awakening because I'll love it and I'll totally love all these characters. Um. I never finished it. Then Fates came out, twitter didn't shut up about that and I refused to play it. Then 3H came out. I saw Edelgard and it was joever for me. So I bought it and I've been here ever since.

What Fire Emblem games have you played? Engage, 3H, Fates (all three routes baby), Awakening, Echoes, Warriors, Sacred Stones, a little FEH until I was put off cause I summoned Easter Xander, a little FE7 and I WILL. FINISH. PATH OF RADIANCE. I SWEAR TO YOU ALL RIGHT NOW.

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: first was technically Awakening but I didn't like it so I dropped it until 2022 I wanna say? So really my first FE was 3H. My favourite? Depends on the day.

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series!

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason!

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays?- Awakening:- Fates:- Three Houses:- Engage:

Favorite Fire Emblem class?

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable?

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? (Black Eagles, Blue Lions, Golden Deer, Church of Seiros, Those Who Slither in the Dark, unaffiliated civilian, other - for example Almyran)

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent?

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? (Firene, the Kingdom of Abundance; Brodia, the Kingdom of Might; Elusia, the Kingdom of Knowledge; Solm, the Queendom of Freedom; Lythos, the holy land of the Divine Dragon; Gradlon, the desolate land of the Fell Dragon)

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔(separate letters, to-ah, other?)

Current TOA muses: Cynthia and Ryoma!

Past TOA muses? Alas :(

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? Cynthia! My beloved. I didn't think she could be such a strong muse I picked her up cause I was bullied into it. Now she bullies me daily

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) I don't know actually? I love posh assholes. I love sweet girls. I love chaos characters. I dunno you should see my muse list on my indie it's a wild mix

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? I wanna write unrepentant assholes but I can't :( I struggle with that. I'm trying tho

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) um. Well. I like intimate stuff if you're picking up what I'm putting down. But then I run away about 2 replies in so I write fanfic usually. I like kissing too. Um. I love high emotional scenes too. If I could describe my writing style, it's "My Dinner With Andre - the novel" (I've never seen the film but I get the gist)

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? I want Ryoma to be happy. Like genuinely I want him to be in a place where he can forgive himself, maybe even forgive the nohrians. I want him to move on and have a peaceful life as a teacher. But I also want him to fall in love which is. So silly. But. My brain is a shipper lol. As for Cynthia? Hm. I have thoughts for her but that's a whole arc

Favorite TOA-related memories? I dunno! I've had a lotta fun here but I can't think of any specific stuff offhand? Maybe how welcoming everyone was when I joined that was nice 🥺

Present or past tense? Present! I live in the moment! I tend to tense match but present. I like third person and second person POV too but I can't RP in second person BC it feels weird? I mostly write in second person if I'm writing a vent fic. Why? I dunno

Normal size text, small text, no preference? I like tiny text but again I size match. I snoop to see what my partner does and copy them :D

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉  I am working towards the worst fucking creature. 0/10. I hate him (Innes. Yes he's my discord icon rn why do you ask). If someone else grabs him, hm. Tana? L'Arachel? I had more but I'm gunning for my moron mullet man ngl I have THOUGHTS

[bitchinbarzal]

miss me? | s.holtz | blurb

note: I am in no way trying to downplay the severity of steve’s health scare or disrespecting his family and their feelings during this time. he is ok now.

this is fully inspired by that tk and carlos scene in 911 lone star

-

You were coming out of your engineering class when you saw the team coming out of a shared class across the hallway.

There were mumblings between them.

“We need to say something!”

“What if it’s nothing?”

“It’s not nothing Mack, he’s in the fucking hospital!”

“Nolan said he’d call when coach got word!”

“Someone needs to tell y/n… she deserves to know!”

“Why? They broke up-“

Ethan nudged everyone when he saw you across the hallway.

“Hey guys, what’s up?”

You registered the awkward glances between the group.

You raised your brow in a silent way of saying ‘spit it out then’

Luke, ever the responsible one spoke up “Holtzy’s in the hospital y/n”

Your eyes drifted up from the floor, widening “W-what happened? Did he get hurt?”

He shook his head “No, No he’s uh- he’s sick”

You urged them for more information. They gave you everything they knew and you bid them goodbye.

After you made your way to your apartment to shower and change you left for the hospital. The woman at the front desk was kind, giving you an sympathetic smile while she told you what room to head to.

“He’s up in room 275, sweetheart. If you need anything you can head back down here, I’ll be on desk until the morning or the nurses station on Mr… Holtz’s end of the corridor is Nurse Jane!”

You smiled, softly “Thanks M’am I appreciate it” 

She waved you off

You took the stairs one by one, staring down at your converse as you ascended them.

You spent the time climbing the stairs going through the million and one questions running through your head.

would you get kicked out?

should you be there?

you broke up, that means he didn’t want you around. right?

You didn’t have much time to mentally answer your own questions before you had reached the door.

Room 275.

You looked through the open door to his bed, a breathing tube shoved down his throat, every cable ever sticking out of him.

“You can go in, darling” You jumped, the voice behind you startling you.

You turned to see a nurse giving you a soft smile ushering you in and to the chair next to his bed. Rubbing your shoulder soothingly before she moved to check all of his stats.

“He’s had a visit or two from a few friends but I’m sure he’ll be more happy to see his girlfriend when the time comes-“

“Oh I’m not- we broke up I just, he doesn’t have anyone here” you stuttered, she nodded knowingly.

“Well” She paused, looking between you both “You love him nevertheless and for that, he’s so blessed”

You lost count of the hours you were sat in that chair, just staring at him.

The machine made a consistent rythme in line with his heart beat and you timed exactly when the nurses would come in.

Nolan visited on day two.

He brought you chipotle after hearing you hadn’t left the hospital. You smiled gratefully and sat with him in the cafeteria, allowing that as your only 20 minute break away from Steve’s room.

He brought you things from your apartment; a blanket, change of clothes.

Later, after Nurses rounds you were sat in the chair with your hand clasped around his.

“You’re so dramatic, Holtz. You know that?” You croaked, not having spoken much in days.

“First you, you break my heart and now your on deaths door and I’m- I’m scared because I haven’t lived life without you in three years and I don’t plan on getting used to that anytime soon so you’ve got to wake up”

You felt a hand clasp over your shoulder as they began to shake and a familiar voice say,

“He never wanted to break your heart, darling. That boy loves you so much” your right hand reached up to hold onto Sylvia’s and leaning your head towards her hand too.

“He’s gotta be okay” you only mumbled and she hummed in agreement.

His mom sat with you a while, chatting and catching up mostly.

Mid sentence you stopped when you saw tears in Sylvia’s eyes “What, what’s wrong?”

She shook her head with a smile “We just miss having you around sweetheart”

You nodded “I miss you guys too, it’s been weird not jumping in on your FaceTimes”

Sighing, she replied “He really didn’t mean to hurt you sweetheart. He’s just a little bit silly, you know he’s young and working through life. He’s just made a bad choice but I know he will straighten his head out soon enough”

You didn’t know what to say, so you just smiled.

Sylvia left shortly after leaving you alone with him once again.

You were curled up on the chair, hoodie pulled up over your eyes and blanket draped over your legs. The clock hadn’t long passed three in the morning when you were woken by noises.

One eye cracked open and you looked around for the source. You landed on his body.

Steve was shaking, his head throwing itself from side to side and he was coughing.

You shot up out to the seat, hovering above his body. His eyes shot open and he tried grabbing the tube and pulling it out. You grabbed his hands and pinned them down to his sides.

“Nurse! I need a nurse!” You called, head on a swivel.

When the nurses rushed in they began pulling you away despite your fighting.

It was a whole twenty minutes until someone came out and got you. The nurse called your name and you shot your from the seat, hands shaking with anxiety.

“He’s ready to see you” she smiled, gesturing towards his room.

Your feet moved a little faster, standing in the doorway you watched the nurse walk away from him but not before saying “Your roommate is back”

He looked at the door, a hazy smile played on his lips.

You walked in, straight towards him.

“Oh my god, Steven” you breathed

He was still smiling, half a smile while he still looked high from the drugs being pumped into him “hey, baby, hey”

You shook your head, tears spilling down your cheeks while you let out a shaky laugh and kissed his face.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again, I thought I was about to lose you” your lips still ghosted over his forehead and you held him tight.

His hand, shaking reaching up and held your forearm “I can’t believe you’re here”

“I haven’t left, Steve I hadn’t left. Oh my god I can’t believe you’re okay - oh my god we need to call your mom, the team!”

“No, no just give me a sec please. Please just, just sit with me for a second. Give me a minute with my girl”

Sniffing and wiping away your tears furiously you nodded and sat back down, holding his hand still

“Yeah, Yeah baby I’m here we can sit as long as you need”

Taking a moment to just stare at him, thankful for the fact he was here infront of you.

He ruined the moment by saying “So, did you miss me?”

You knew it was a joke but you looked at him, honestly

“Yeah, god I missed you so much”

[weeeeeekly]

bad idea right? - choi soobin x afab!reader

info ➜ HEAVILYYYY inspired by olivia’s song, i basically just wrote this around the lyrics, i fucking love olivia, featuring stayc 01z & le sserafim yunjin, assigned female at birth (afab)!reader, yn is kinda a bad friend, exes to lovers, one shot, SOOBIN IS A SIMP, non idol!soobin, college student!soobin, slighty shitty ex!soobin, this is fiction!! so soobin probably doesn’t act like this

wc: 3.3k

WARNINGS !!!!! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (mdni), smut, no piv, only foreplay, handjob, eating out, swearing, & poor writing

author’s note!!! this is going to be bad because i’m pulling an all nighter when i’m supposed to be awake before 8 AM (it’s 12:40 AM right now) & i have a full day of classes and work. this will have errors because i’m immediately posting this after writing.

also, it’s my first time writing smut and idk what the fuck i’m doing. not going to be realistic or accurate but it’s fictionnnnn.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚

You stared into the bathroom mirror as you fixed your lip gloss. The party raging just outside the door wasn’t as enticing as the missed calls from your phone.

two missed call from loser not worth mentioning

Why was he even calling? It’s been months since you two broke up. More like he broke things off because he wanted to “focus on school” more since it was his last year before graduation, but that didn’t stop him from going to every single frat and sorority party since the beginning of the semester.

You roll your eyes as you let his next call go straight to voice mail as your best friends blow up your group chat.

sumin 💞 ynnnn where r u

sieun 🩵 pls don’t be vomiting emoji

yn i’m okay

yn he keeps calling me

sumin 💞 bOOOO

sieun 🩵 pls don’t pick up his calls

yn i’m not !!

yn going straight to my voicemail

sumin 💞 y don’t u block him

yn because

yn idk

yn it’s complicated

sieun 🩵 just come back soon

yn give me five

The music gets louder as you hear chants of “chug chug chug”. You smirk as you spray some more perfume to cover the reek of Pink Whitney that Sieun accidentally spilled on you earlier in the night. Your trio did a shot the second you got to sorority party hosted by Yunjin, she had told you about it last week in your shared stats class, but that was hours ago and you had a few more after that.

You weren’t wasted, but you definitely shouldn’t be driving a car.

You were having fun, but you could be having more fun with your ex.

“Hey Siri, play my voicemail.”

“You have three voicemails… Hi. I know you’re out at Yunjin’s party, but you looked so good in your Insta story. God… your legs look so good in that skirt. I miss seeing you in skirts… I know it’s been a while since we… ya know, but we should catch up. The guys are out at a party and I stayed behind to finish unpacking my new room, but I’m getting kinda bored. Maybe you could help me unpack, see the new apartment, test out my new headboard–”

“Please.”

“I miss you – I want to see you again.”

You let out a sigh as the voicemails end and you’re weighing all the pros and cons of this messy situation.

Pro. It has been 3 months since the relationship and 3 months since you’ve done anything. Going out and trying to talk to new people didn’t sound that appealing. This was your first party since the breakup that Sumin and Sieun were able to drag you to, so getting calls from him tonight felt like some kind of test from the universe.

Con. It would be such a bad decision. A lapse of judgement. You deserve better than this.

Pro. You would get laid and it would be really good.

Con. You can’t leave your friends for a guy.

Right. Your best friends in the entire world are waiting downstairs for you. A knock from outside the door snaps you back to reality as you quickly put everything back in your bag.

A soft apology slips past your lips as the blur of a person flits past you and to the toilet as they throw up.

“Ew.”

The party looks even more crowded than before with people dancing, drinking, and making out taking up all the available space as you try to politely make your way back to your friends. After narrowly missing another spill of alcohol to ruin your outfit, you spot the familiar sight of two brunettes huddled by the fruity drink cooler.

“There you are!” Sumin throws her available arm around your waist as you join the duo.

“Sorry, I started feeling unwell, but I’m good now.”

Sumin hugs you in an effort to comfort you as you give her a smile. It was true that you were feeling unwell, but it wasn’t from the alcohol.

Sieun makes herself another mix of whatever alcohol is left by now. “Do you want any?”

“I think I’ll just make myself a Shirley Temple.”

Sumin grabs you the jar of cherries and ginger ale you needed as you made your drink. You down it the second you’re done and it does alleviate the funny feeling in your stomach.

You should probably not, but you check your phone.

loser not worth mentioning just in case

loser not worth mentioning hybe apartment complex across school

loser not worth mentioning unit 304

Fuck.

You look back over to Sumin and Sieun giggling over the alcoholic sugar juice concoction Sieun made. Your heart hurts a little at the stunt you’re about to pull.

You’re not hurting anyone. They’ll understand that you’ve been lonely and it’s just a one time thing.

Gathering up all your energy, you hunch over a little and let out a heavy sigh. Sumin sees this and rushes over to comfort you.

“Are you okay, Yn? Did you not eat earlier? Should we leave so I can make you some soup?”

You shut your eyes as your conscious comes back to yell at you. Poor, sweet Sumin who loves you dearly just wants to take care of you as she thinks you’re sick while you’re faking it so you can get dick.

“I think I just need to go back home to sleep it off.”

“Okay, let’s drop you home.”

The three of you get an Uber to your dorm despite the short 13 minute walk from the LSF house. But the late hours of night and the scary reality of being tipsy, young college kids in a public university – it’s better to be safe than sorry.

You wave bye to your best friends as they tell you from the car that they’ll text you when they get home to their shared apartment. The second the Uber is out of your sight, you sprint inside to freshen up. Going through the motions of brushing your teeth, deodorant, changing shirts to a baby blue fuzzy sweater for the colder temperature, and fix your hair.

sumin 💞 we’re home

sieun 🩵 feel better

You heart both messages and wish them good night as you grab your water bottle from the fridge.

This is your last chance to back out. To follow through with the lie you told your besties. It would be nice to get some sleep and be in a better headspace tomorrow morning and finally block him.

loser not worth mentioning i dyed my hair back to blond

yn see you in 15

loser not worth mentioning good girl

Your mind goes blank at the text as you try to keep your cool. All of your thoughts are silenced as you order another Uber to Soobin’s new address.

It’s such a bad idea to be doing this, but all your moral judgement went out the window the second you listened to Soobin’s voicemail, but who could blame you? You’re literally just a girl. A girl who loves blond on Soobin. A girl who loves the way Soobin kisses… and does other things. Seeing him tonight can’t be that bad.

A text notification from Uber alerts you that your ride is outside.

Fuck it, it’s fine.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚

You’re standing inside Soobin’s new apartment as you wait for the elevator to open.

Yes, you’re currently going back to your ex, but you’re just going to help him unpack his room like he said. Totally innocent. Just two friends. Can you even call your relationship friendly? Whatever. Just two people… reconnecting. Yes, reconnecting!!!

Next thing you know, you’re outside unit 304 and waiting for Soobin to welcome you in. When the door does open, you’re taken aback by a smiling Soobin. Despite the short amount of time apart, he looks even better. His hair is back to blond and surprisingly healthy. The pj set he’s wearing just shows how ridiculously attractive he is because despite the plain white shirt and plaid pants Soobin looks like he’s modeling.

You must have been staring at him too long because he clears his throat and steps aside, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Holy fucking shit. There has never been anyone hotter than Soobin in this moment. Your mind can’t wrap around how you were dating him for a year. How someone this beautiful could even exist and perceive you. Just the way his dimples show when he smiles is enough to make your knees buckle.

“Are you going to come in?”

“Oh right, yeah.”

You brush past him as you take your shoes off by the door. You take a glance around the kitchen as Soobin goes to the fridge.

“Water? Soda?” Soobin steps aside as you look at the options in the fridge. A bunch of beverages and a shit ton of tangerines.

“Just a Coke cherry please.”

“With a ton of ice in a cup with a straw? Got it.”

Your heart skips a little at the small notion of Soobin remembering your preferred beverage. Jesus, the bar is in hell.

“Your new apartment is nice. I like that you can see each of your personalities.” You compliment as you spot the bookshelf with an assortment of plushies, an electric guitar on a stand, and a clothing rack that’s half sports jerseys and half clothes that cost more than your semester tuition.

“Thanks! You know how long we’ve been saving, so it was a dream when a unit opened up and fit our price range.”

“I’m happy for you guys.. really. I hope they’re doing good.”

Your statement is genuine as you do miss Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai. It was just best for yourself to pause your contact with them while you were healing.

Soobin hands you your drink as you sit in a chair at the table. You thank him as you quietly sip on it as your nerves kick in again. It would be fine if you two just caught up and became friends again. You did miss his presence and it’ll be sad when he graduates next semester.

“Yn,” Soobin scoots his chair closer to you as you look at him, eager to hear out whatever he sees. You hate to admit it, but he still has a pull over you. “I want to apologize for how I went about everything. It was really shitty of me to give you the school excuse to break up. I just–”

“You just?”

“I kinda… got so caught up in trying to do well on finals that the stress controlled me. I took it out on you instead of talking it out, then I didn’t talk to you all of winter break.”

Yeah. It was a brutal break as you spent most of the time crying and being upset at yourself. Your therapist had a field day though!

“I’m sorry for also sending you that horny voicemail. And that good girl text. I understand if you don’t want to see me again. Or if you just want to be friends. I’m sure that you have someone else.”

“I’m not seeing anyone. I haven’t done anything since we ended things.”

Soobin’s eyes light up at your answer. “I haven’t seen anyone and I’m not right now. I’m totally single in every sense.”

You let out a tiny laugh at the mix of assertion and desperation, “I’m totally single too.”

“So… if you’re single and I’m single.”

Then who’s driving the plane?? Kidding.

You set down your empty cup as you lean closer to Soobin, “If we’re both single, shouldn’t we do something about it?”

In the next second, Soobin is cupping your face as you suck in a breathe. If you just leaned in an inch, your lips would be touching in a kiss. His eyes flit down to your lips as you watch. From being able to be so close, you take in how pretty Soobin is.

“Can I kiss you.” Soobin whispers.

“Yes please.” You whisper back.

Soobin then closes the gap between you both to kiss you. It fills you with the exact same feeling as before, warm and bubbly. You wrap your hands around his neck as you continue kissing. The kiss is messy and slightly awkward, but the feeling behind it makes up for it.

Soobin breaks away as you frown, “Do you want to help me in my room.”

“You know I love reorganizing.”

Soobin’s signature dimple smile appears as he grabs your hand to lead you to his room.

The second you step in; he pushes you against the door with enough force to knock the air out of you but not to the point to hurt you. You thank him by initiating this kiss and tease your tongue against his. His hands wander down from your face to your waist as he pulls your bodies closer.

You tug on his shirt as you continue making out and switch spots so he’s against the door. He lets you take it off and throw it into some corner of his room. You move from his mouth to kissing his neck as you feel his skin. Soobin’s always had the softest skin, so you relish in being able to feel him again.

Soobin groans as you start a hickey on the area between his neck and shoulder. You should know the name of the area, but anatomy was never your strongest subject.

“God, you’ve always been… so eager to leave your… mark.” Soobin jokes between groans as you work to deep shades of purple and blue.

“Gotta sign the work of art. Same rules and boundaries as before?”

“Yes. Stop when either of us need it.”

“Got it.” You wink as you move a hand over Soobin’s bulge.

He lets out a sigh as you touch him through his pants.

“Can I?” You kiss the corner of his lips that you love so much as he parts his mouth to let out a whimper as you add some pressure to your hold.

“Please.”

You give him a peck, spit in palm, and shove your hand down his pj pants and boxers. You wrap around his girth and start slowly moving your wrist. You watch as his eyes flutter shut, and you speed up. It’s been a while since you gave a hand job, so you’re little rusty but by the way Soobin is falling a part you’re sure that you’ll get no complaints.

You keep stroking him, making sure to watch his expression as you continue how he likes it. When you know Soobin’s about to cum, he speaks up, “Wait.”

You slow down your motion as you wait for him, “I don’t want to cum in your hand.”

“Where do you want it?”

“On your tits.”

You smirk as you bring you hand back up to your lips and lick off his pre cum. Soobin shudders at the sight but kisses you.

You both walk backwards as he maneuvers you to his bed and kisses down your neck when you fall back onto his bed. You grip his blond locks and laugh when you hear him let out a groan.

“Can we please go back to kissing?”

“Sure.” Soobin moves back up to give you a messy kiss but then kneels off the bed in front of you.

“Do you know what I missed the most?”

You shake your head as Soobin peels off your silver skirt. “Eating you.”

He starts kissing from your belly button to your inner thigh on both legs as he plays with the waist of your underwear. You sigh as you take the opportunity to grip his hair again.

“Stop teasing.”

“Only for you.”

Soobin finally peels off your underwear and tosses it as he begins to kiss you. You moan as he licks at your clit. His hands grip at your legs to keep them apart so he can eat you whole. Soobin continues a pattern of kissing and licking when he begins to slip a finger in.

Your thighs shake a little at the intrusion and the slight ache due to the lack of action you have not been getting.

“I missed your mouth and hands.”

Soobin hums which makes you moan a little louder as the pleasure begins to build up. You bite your lip when Soobin adds in another finger and moves away from your body.

“Just let me know when it’s too much.”

“I’m okay, just a little out of practice.”

“Shit, me too.”

The response makes you forget for a second that you guys ever broke up. If you focus hard on the way Soobin goes back to eating you out like he’s starving, it would be like you went back in time to November – when everything was still okay.

When Soobin starts the combination of fingering you while sucking on your clit you know you’re about to cum.

“I’m… close.”

“I’ve missed tasting you.”

Your brain and thoughts turn back into mush as Soobin brings you closer to cumming. If your thoughts could speak they would probably sound like “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh”.

“I’m about to –” You come hard as Soobin continues thrusting his fingers inside you, but sits back on his knees as he licks his lips.

“Wow.”

Soobin giggles as he pulls his fingers out of you and into his mouth. You watch in awe as he sucks your essence off and adjusts his crotch with the other.

“Do you want me to suck you off?”

“You don’t need to, I already came.”

The blond’s dimples appear again as he giggle at your shocked expression. You slowly sit up to lean down toward him to kiss him.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚

After kissing a bit, Soobin notices how tired you get and calls it a night. He helps you to the bathroom when you stumble trying to get off his bed. You take a quick shower to wash away the sweat from tonight’s activities.

When you step out of the shower, wrapped in a towel. You take a look in the mirror and let out a gasp. Soobin bursts through the door, “What’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that my makeup was ruined! Have I looked like this the entire time?”

“I think you look cute.” He wraps his arms around you as he gives you a cheek kiss.

“You have to say that because we’re sleeping with each other.”

Soobin’s eyebrow raises, “Sleeping? As in actively? Like you want to sleep with each other and only each other?”

“I’m sure we could work something out.” You nonchalantly shrug as you hid your smirk as Soobin frowns.

“We talk about it in the morning, let’s cuddle.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚

You wake up the next morning to a bunch of texts from Sumin and Sieun.

TODAY 4:00 AM

sieun 🩵 YN

sieun 🩵 YN

sumin 💞 YN

sieun 🩵 WHERE R U

sumin 💞 WHY DOES UR LOCATION SAY SOME RANDOM APT AND NOT UR DORM

sieun 🩵 HELLO

sieun 🩵 IM CALLING U UNTIL U PICK UP

sumin 💞 ur telling us in the morning

10:27 AM

yn sorry I was asleep

sieun 🩵 NOT AT YOUR DORM

yn I never said I was sleeping at my dorm…

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚

masterlist

author’s note!!! finished at 5 AM LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOO okay now i’ll do hw for one my classes & maybeee organize my makeup drawer. thanks for reading!!!!

[big-idiot-wolf-boys]

Hi! I saw your tags on the poll and I was wondering if you could talk a little bit more about why you dislike living in the PNW? I've been trying to move there so want to get a local's opinion. Ty :)

Oh shit i don't want to do anything to shatter your dreams but be warned this is the one topic i am very bitter and jaded about. Please ask someone else too because while I hate living here other people DO love it and you should make an informed decision!

Being said.... here we go. I've lived in the Seattle adjacent area my whole life. In fact my family has been in the area for six generations and all of us hate it here more than the previous generation as we've watches the area develop. Maybe I just come from a bitter and jaded family. Maybe my specific town or county is the problem. I don't know. I'm not going to break this into bullet points or organize my thoughts or anything I'm just going to ramble.

But as the years go by, everything has gotten more expensive. But despite the raise in sales and property taxes, the area is less and less maintained. The roads are abysmal. The Public works projects such as maintaining shrubbery to ensure sidewalks follow ADA clearance and pedestrians can be seen, have been thrown to the wayside. The schools and other public buildings arent maintained and often just get replaced after they start falling apart. Every year there is less of a welcoming feeling to the area. Every year beloved businesses and entertainment venues are closing down and being replaced with churches and bars. Conservatives are creeping into the area and shutting down YMCAS, qanon maniacs are being voted into mayoral office. I have personally ripped down pro nazi flyers at the ELEMENTARY SCHOOL here. The drug problem is seemingly unstoppable. Regularly there are reports of millions of dollars of coke and fentynal being seized by the feds. People are dying every day in large quantities from the drugs. Ive watched a lot of people i love lose themselves to drug induced psychosis. Thefts and burglaries and violent crime related to drugs are rapidly on the rise. 1/3 of my hometown is unhoused and thats only people who have reported/admitted to it. Not counting couch hoppers and people trading work for housing at hotels. The schools are getting worse by the year. The elder of my two younger brothers graduated because they were giving out answers to end of year exams to boost their graduate stats, probably because of previous drop out rates. 23% of MY graduating class, including myself, dropped out because the quality of the education was so awful they just got GEDs instead. Violent crime is on the rise, especially around notable twilight locations such as Forks and Port Angeles. The numbers vary but in my specific town you need to make a minimum of 27/hour to afford a single bedroom apartment. If you can find a job that pays that much or an apartment. Good luck because it's not very likely. Last summer a woman asked a community page the same thing and specifically asked for info on what the area is like for teens. She ignored a lot of comments about the negatives from teens themselves and moved here anyway. This summer she posted her son has gotten into drugs and run away from home. I hate to say it, I know it's tasteless, but she should have listened. Cause and effect maybe. I hope her kid comes home safe. I also hope she learned a lesson about not ignoring advice when she asks for it.

I stay here because my family is here. My partner's family is here. Our jobs pay decent. But if I were single and impulsive, I'd bail the fuck out of this state as soon as I could.

Yes, it's beautiful here. Yes, there's cool festivals and parks and museums. But the PNW is not the land of dreams or opportunities unless you have a lot of money and resilience to facilitate it.

Make the choice that's best for you, anon. But please don't forget the negatives because you can easily get sucked into a life of drugs and poverty.

[fae-of-the-rose]

I posted 1,247 times in 2022

That's 602 more posts than 2021!

12 posts created (1%)

1,235 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@silvermuffins

@bealoideas

@glitteringnebulae

@nyctoheart

@perkynurples

I tagged 1,247 of my posts in 2022

#yes good - 315 posts

#inspiration - 176 posts

#reference - 173 posts

#oh my gods - 115 posts

#jojo's bizarre adventure - 100 posts

#twisted wonderland - 86 posts

#kingdom hearts - 67 posts

#mdzs - 58 posts

#grandmaster of demonic cultivation - 56 posts

#ensemble stars - 36 posts

Longest Tag: 75 characters

#how in the fuck are you not going batshit with your lab in that apartment??

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Urianger Augurelt/Thancred Waters, Minor or Background Relationship(s), minor Gaia/Ryne | Minfillia Characters: Urianger Augurelt, Thancred Waters, Gaia (Final Fantasy XIV), Ryne | Minfilia Additional Tags: others are mentioned - Freeform, Named Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), for like two lines, Implied/Referenced Abuse, thanks Vauthry, goes into absolutely no detail but it is mentioned, disgustingly in love dads

Summary: Urianger and Thancred's home is always open to those who need a place to stay.

6 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

#4

So when I’m bored and unwinding for sleep apparently I make characters. Anyway @khttrpg posted a character sheet thingie to make characters with and I figured why the heck not I can always use more OCs.

Assuming I did my math right, Riley here has 5 Major Levels, is the Replica of a scientist’s son who’s father was very, very keen to see how far the human body could be pushed before being forced into Heartless/Nobody.....and look I based him on Prompto Argentum, taking characters from a video game or other media and building them in a TTRPG system is a really good way for me to figure out how the system works. Also he was the easiest to justify as a Cosmic Mage and I really like Cosmic Mage’s flavor. 

All of his stats should be right if I did my math right this late at night (I added +3 to HP and +2 to MP) and there were a couple of things I noticed missing from the doc but otherwise extremely fun to build out! His whole deal would, obviously, be about finding where he belongs and figuring out where the scientist is now and maybe getting revenge for the bullshit that guy did to Riley’s “brothers”.

EDIT TO ADD since tumblr’s ask limit means this is easier:  The things I noticed missing were: several Jobs give you free spells that don’t count against the number of spells you can learn but at no point in the doc does it say just how many spells you can learn aside from those; and some clarification on if a Talent can exceed a Stat if boosted by Reflex Improvement or other Class abilities.

7 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

#3

>playing Stardew Valley for the first time in a while >”btw Ginger Island is a thing” >unlock Ginger Island >oh...oh no

anyway I do not think I am likely to ever use anything on the island except that forge ever that is just TOO MUCH I am not a min-max/must make all the money type of player I am just a simple Fae who wants to marry cute boys and have a cute farm

11 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

#2

I’m gonna need an internet historian to compile this wild Nier Automata Church Saga once it’s all said and done this is just bonkers like. whatever it ends up being it needs to be preserved as both a wild time and also a prime example of the DrakeNier fandom and how willing we are to like. accept this shit

41 notes - Posted July 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

D23′s going on today and new Tron game holy shit yes

119 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[morganofthewildfire]

Same Time Thursday part 7

masterlist

-----------------------------------------

Her finger hovered over the block button, the panic rising in her chest urging her to click it, to get rid of it and him. But the nagging in her head made her hesitate, the dual sensations making everything worse. The sheer fact that he was contacting her for the first time in almost two years was enough to make her feel like she needed to vomit.

Before she knew what she was doing, and before she knew why, her finger was slipping to the reply button, everything in her body begging her to stop. But she ignored everything in her body as she typed out a reply, as if some outside force was coercing her into it. Well, not just some outside force.

< Why would I, you bastard

Aelin clicked send, dropping her head into her pillow and squeezing her eyes shut. She shouldn’t’ve said anything, shouldn’t have given him more ammunition or given him another reason to laugh at her, believing he still had her right under his thumb.

> Such harsh words, Aelin He replied, what on Earth did I do to deserve that?

She could practically hear the humor in his voice, could see the cruel smile twisting across his features, shuddered at the way her name rolled over his tongue. He knew exactly what he did, and he knew she knew, but he always delighted in pretending nothing was wrong. In gaslighting her. It was a common thread in their relationship, him controlling what she thought.

He had a particular way of worming inside her head, of rooting in there and influencing her behaviors, her actions, the way she perceived everything around her. Aelin couldn’t deny that that influence wasn’t completely gone. Hence why she was even texting him in the first place.

He wouldn’t be happy if she didn’t. Then she’d have to deal with it later. In the form of words or fists or whatever else he thought of.

No, not anymore. She was safe in her apartment. He wasn’t here.

< This isn’t going to work

She sent the text, rolling over onto her back and staring up at the dark ceiling above. Only with the distance could she call out his manipulation.

> Oh? She could see the way he’d smirk, so confident, so self assured. Am I not allowed to defend myself?

No, not when he hadn’t extended her the same courtesy.

So Aelin didn’t respond to that one, her brain stalling too much as she fought the roiling in her stomach. This didn’t even feel real, it felt like some sort of fever dream beckoning to her in the depths of sleep. She wasn’t talking to him, she couldn’t be, and yet... she was.

> You can’t blame me, sweetheart

> I’ve missed my wife terribly

She cringed, wincing at the terrible word he’d used. Wife. She’d give everything she could to never be called that again. Well, almost everything. But that something she’d save was safe in her crib, sleeping peacefully, if the baby monitor’s quiet was any indication. Elia was completely oblivious to her mom’s distress.

Good, that was good. She never wanted her to feel any of the pain Aelin had been put through. None of it at all.

A shudder rolled through her, her hands shaking as she typed out a response.

< The feeling isn’t mutual

She managed to say, calling up some of the bravado she wore everyday, the mask she could never seem to keep strong around him. She could just block the number, she should just block the number, and go to bed. She had work in the morning, and then she had to be on campus for her stats class in the afternoon. She didn’t need this - this distraction.

> You wound me, pet

> Though I don’t suppose the sacrament of marriage means much to you hm

> Rowan Whitethorn is it?

Aelin froze, her body tensing. A heavy pit formed in her stomach as she read and reread the text. Water, she needed water.

But she couldn’t move, her heart racing.

< What are you trying to imply?

> Don’t claim ignorance, sweetheart, it’s not a good look for you

> And don’t I know your best ones?

Indignance rose in her, and she spit her reply back, pushing herself out of her bed.

< Fuck you

Aelin stormed on shaky limbs to the kitchen, heading straight to the sink. And didn’t even bother with a cup, just drinking the water straight from the faucet, relishing in the cold burn of it in her throat. She could barely taste it, but didn’t care, ignoring the craving for something else.

She shuddered as she closed the faucet, catching her breath as she braced herself over the sink, squeezing her eyes shut. She allowed herself thirty seconds to fall apart, and when that thirty seconds was over, she stood up, her face guarded as she snatched up her phone, heading not to her own bedroom but to Elia’s room, sliding to a seat in the comfy nursing chair she’d splurged on when getting the room ready for her little girl.

> Be my guest Arobynn had said, and Aelin clenched her jaw, fighting the shudders of nausea as she sent another text, the last one she’d let herself send.

< Stay the hell away from me and my daughter, there was no use denying it now, I don’t ever want to seeyour fucking face again

She clicked off her phone, throwing it aside as she slumped in the chair, scanning her gaze across Elia’s slumbering body once more before closing her heavy eyelids, succumbing quickly to sleep. So quickly she didn’t see his own final response.

> if only the feeling was mutual

-------------

Aelin was giddy. Was that the right word? Giddy? Should she be feeling giddy only a few weeks after her parents’ funeral? Maybe not, but she was.

He had texted her.

She tucked her lip between her teeth as she grabbed her phone, quickly unlocking it to look at the message. She wasn’t sure how he’d gotten her number, but she was sure it wasn’t too difficult to find out, given her family.

> Good morning, Aelin

> How are you today?

Simple, polite, but it had her cheeks flushing as she typed a response.

< I’m very good, how about yourself?

How about yourself? Gods, she would kick herself if she wasn’t lying down. Aelin usually considered herself pretty suave, but if she was being honest, she didn’t have too much experience. Certainly not with someone who’d likely known many women before her.

Because that’s what she was: a woman. Not the fragile, young girl her parents liked to think of her as, not the naive fool her parents’ advisor considered her, and certainly not a child. Not anymore.

> Doing all the better for texting you

She hid her grin behind her hand as she thought of how to respond. She was about to type, when the door opened.

“Miss Galathynius!” The doctor said cheerfully as he walked into her room at the hospital. “How are you doing this fine morning?” A similar sentiment to the text she’d received not five minutes ago, but this version made her smile fade. She didn’t want to be here, not at all. Aelin didn’t want to be reminded of the angry wounds now marring her skin, but she supposed a check up was better than it getting infected and hurting all over again.

She reluctantly set her phone to the side as she was asked questions about her injuries, how she was feeling, how they were feeling, what she’d been up to recently, if she was taking her medication, blah blah blah. Medication she wasn’t supposed to mix with alcohol, but who cared? Not her.

The appointment took an hour, an hour that felt like a year as she was poked and prodded, only to leave her to walk out alone, to catch a cab home alone because she’d never gotten her driver’s license.

It was only then she remembered Arobynn’s text, and she went to answer it rather drearily, her emotions weighing heavily on her. But he’d texted her a few minutes after his last one, asking her if she would like to get coffee with him next week. That perked her up a bit as she responded with an enthusiastic yes!, with an apology for not texting back right away. She didn’t specify what she was doing, just that she’d been busy.

But then hours passed, and over a day passed, as she waited for him to reply to set official plans. It left her rather hopeless, and anxious, and guilty. Had she done something wrong already? Had she acted too childish?

And then another day passed. A day of her wandering around her lonely manor home, finding little odds and ends to occupy her time, and distract her from everything preying on her thoughts.

It was the third day after she texted that he finally responded, and she’d let out a giant sigh of relief at the sight of the notification, her anxiety easing a bit. He hadn’t forgotten about her, something that had also been weighing on her mind.

> Does Tuesday at 11 work?

> At that place down on 7th avenue?

She smiled, no longer feeling like a fish dangling on a hook, waiting to either be yanked out of the water or tossed back in. But she’d forgotten that the fishing pole wasn’t the only way to die, that there were sharks in the ocean too, sneaking up behind the fish to snatch it up, preying on it with one single text.

> Sorry for not responding, I’ve been busy

-------------

The punching bag felt great under her bruised knuckles, Aelin couldn’t deny it. Though she supposed the more accurate admittance would be that the punching bag didn’t feel like anything at all, and that was the great part.

It had begun as a way to get her aggression out, to have something physical to pour her emotions into, to vent all her frustrations onto. Now it was a lifeline, an escape.

She’d blocked the number. And had done everything to put it out of her mind. Yet it seeped through the cracks, hence why she was here. Elia was with Malakai, Emrys being too busy at the cafe, and Aelin… well she was at the gym.

Punch after punch she threw at the bag, ignoring every other patron in the place as she attacked the bag, not caring about form or power or skill, just needing that release. She didn’t know what she was doing, she’d never really trained in anything before, never pursuing it in her childhood and then not being allowed to in years after.

Funny, how she’d never really realized she had rules until she tried to break one.

Aelin threw a final punch at the bag before pulling back and shaking out her hand, sighing through her nose as she chanced a glance around the campus gym.

No one was paying any attention to her, a blessed relief. Except… she huffed in annoyance, catching the gaze of a guy eying her from across the room.

A quick analysis told her he wasn’t involved with Arobynn in any way; he was likely just some college dudebro who thought she was hot in her leggings and sports bra. So she rolled her eyes, snatching up her water bottle and her phone, just clicking open the screen to see the time, ignoring the text that lit it up as well.

A new number. And a singular picture: her and Elia at the store, no doubt snapped by Tern.

It was a threat without words, and she was choosing to ignore it.

Aelin didn’t know how much he knew. She didn’t know if he knew where she lived, where she worked, where she went to school, but so far, he hadn’t acted on any of it.

She didn’t think he would, not with how he was. He was going to hide in the shadows, messing with her mind until she came crawling back. All she had to say was fuck that.

She watched the guy out of the corner of her eye as she dragged a hand down her face, wiping off sweat, before heading toward the exit. On the outside, she looked just like every other college kid, getting their workout in in the picturesque gym before heading to campus for their first class of the day. There were several of those people around the place, some girls she recognized from her stats class, bored looking guys sitting at the front desk, only there to watch the girls and make money to go out and buy drinks that night.

She envied them. She wished those were her only cares in the world.

Aelin was about to slam open the door to leave, too sweaty to bother with a coat, even if it was almost below freezing outside, when a silvery slash of color caught her eye. She stalled, hand outstretched as her gaze unconsciously strayed toward and glued itself on a figure over in the weights section. Her heart thumped painfully, a strange warmth coursing through her at the sight.

It was Rowan, currently bench pressing what looked like could be a good bit over her own weight, a thought that made that strange warmth a bit hotter, her mouth suddenly dry. He was wearing a tank top, his golden skin plenty on display, sweat running down his deliciously strong arms. Gods.

And when he set the bar down, sitting up a bit, lifting the hem of his tank top to wipe at some sweat on his face, she damn near combusted. She’d never seen him shirtless before and now she was wondering what else she’d been missing out on. It was like a sculptor had carved every line into his skin, every dip of definition put there by some benevolent god, who’d decided that today Aelin deserved to be blessed.

She was sweating for a different reason now, an ache growing deep in her belly. She was frozen, stuck in her position, even as Rowan glanced up, looking toward her from yards away. He lifted a hand in greeting, recognizing her, and that’s when Aelin bolted, throwing open the door and heading out into the freezing street.

-------

“Elia, please,” Aelin begged, her words cut off by another ear crippling scream. The girl was not having it, refusing to be out of Aelin’s arms for a second. “But it’s Uncle Emrys, and Uncle Malakai, and even Luca!” She spoke to her daughter desperately, even if none of it was being comprehended. “You like them. I’ll only be gone a few hours, and think of all the treats you’ll be spoiled with.”

A quick glance around Mistward revealed a few patrons looking at her, one with concern, another with judgement, making her bristle. Hadn’t that man ever seen a baby crying before? Probably not, she doubted any woman would ever want to have kids with him if he acted like that.

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Emrys tried to add, patting the little girl on the back from where he held her in his arms. “Your mom’s got places to be, so we’re spending some quality time with Luca over here! He’s not doing anything useful anyway,” he whispered conspiratorially, which usually made Elia giggle, but not this time.

Emrys passed Elia back over when Aelin gestured with a sigh, her heart hurting at the girl’s tears. Elia immediately started crying when her mom held her, and Aelin squeezed her eyes shut, feeling close to tears herself. She glanced up at the ornate clock on the wall, her heart nearly stopping when she saw she had fifteen minutes to get to class. A class that was fifteen minutes away.

“Okay then,” Aelin said, her voice tight, “guess it’s take your kid to school day.”

She maneuvered around the counter to get to her backpack, sliding it onto her shoulder with one arm, grabbing Elia’s hat and gloves when that arm was free again. Without spending the time for any goodbyes, she tossed a wave as she pushed her way out of the cafe, marching down the street.

It was icy, and Aelin winced as a freezing wind whipped past her, but Elia was bundled enough, and Aelin didn’t care beyond that. No one else was out on the street she was on, but once she made her way down the bare tree lined road down to the edge of campus, more figures started to appear, bundled in coats and hurrying to their classes. She was sure quite a few people would skip today, but that wasn’t an option for her. Not with Maeve.

Elia giggled, burrowing into Aelin, satisfied to have gotten what she wanted.

“You’re a little menace, aren’t you?” Aelin teased her daughter, only half joking as the cold air took the breath out of her lungs, making them hurt from her fast pace. Hopefully her professor would be okay with Elia being there for one class, though it was doubtful. But oh well, it was Maeve’s fault for not letting her take the fucking class online. She’d shared the details of her situation, she’d been accepted to the fucking school regardless, it wasn’t her fault if a stubborn woman refused to give any sort of accommodations.

The warmth of the building was welcome as she shoved open the doors, hurrying down the hallways. It soothed her bones, and she pressed a kiss to Elia’s little hat as she made her way into the lecture hall, two minutes early.

She got stares, just like she knew she would, her fellow freshman shooting her furtive glances as she shuffled down the aisle closest to the back, staying as close to the door as she took her seat. She was already alienated, at least 3 years older than most of them, but now - it was worse. At least Elia was staying quiet, staring just as wide eyed back.

She didn’t go out to too many new places, didn’t see too many new people, it didn’t surprise Aelin that she was curious about the new surroundings.

She sat her daughter on her lap as she pulled out her laptop, producing a toy for her from the same bag as she logged in, pulling out her notebook too. There was faint conversation going on, Maeve not yet in the room, but Aelin stayed quiet as she waited for her impending execution.

And when the woman herself sauntered in, burning with an arrogance second only to one other man, Aelin didn’t cower from her dark gaze as she scanned across the lecture hall. Her eyes landed on Aelin’s, her brows raising minutely and her red painted mouth curving into a minute incredulous frown, but after a tense moment, she flicked her gaze away in dismissal.

This would certainly be an interesting class.

------

Elia’s peace lasted about halfway through the lesson, time Aelin certainly took for granted. It started with a tiny whimper, a slight trembling of her lips, before devolving into watery eyes, looking up at Aelin with a heartbreaking expression. And then she was crying, loud enough to disturb the people around her.

Aelin was in the middle of taking notes, Maeve in the middle of her lecture, but she paused to try and quietly shush her daughter, bouncing her a bit on her legs and rocking her back and forth. She wasn’t hungry, Aelin had fed her not that long ago, and she wasn’t tired, it was still decently early in the day, Elia didn’t nap for a few more hours.

Maybe she just didn’t like the vibe in the classroom, and Aelin couldn’t fault her daughter for that. Not when she agreed.

When Elia’s cries started piercing a bit louder, Aelin abandoned her notes altogether, focusing on the little girl instead. To her detriment apparently, because booming from the front of the classroom came -

“Miss Galathynius!” Professor Maeve called out, pausing and turning from the whiteboard to level her gaze at her. Aelin looked up, her heart freezing. “Since you seem to find other activities more important than listening to my lesson,” she looked disdainfully at Elia, “I assume you must know everything already. So why don’t you answer number 3 for us, hm?” She gestured to the powerpoint slides, where a group of practice problems was listed.

Assume that, in a large population, the probability that a person will always take medicine as prescribed is 0.54. If 5 people are selected at random from the population, what is the probability that at least 4 of the people selected will always take medicine as prescribed?

Aelin read, and reread, and reread the words, trying to make sense of them. They were attached to the previous questions she knew, but she hadn’t been listening. Godsdamnit. She’d done this, she’d done a problem like this yesterday with Rowan. She knew what she was doing for gods’ sakes. But with Maeve’s eyes on her, with the classes’ eyes on her, leaving her skin prickling uncomfortably while her daughter was still upset, Aelin couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

An uncomfortable silence overtook the room as Aelin fought for words, her pride creeping up while shame pushed it back down. Shame at herself for being a failure yet again. Shame at herself for letting Maeve feel that satisfaction, satisfaction that made her cold face twist up into a smirk, a too familiar look that made everything that much worse.

“Well then,” Maeve chimed, “maybe let’s leave the stray at home next time, okay?”

A familiar feeling of anger rose in her chest at the words, at the insinuation and the insult, but she didn’t say anything, the numbness soon icing everything back over. Fuck her, she tried to think, trying to bring back that fire, fire that Rowan had stoked, fire that had been growing.

But all that was left was cobwebs, and that dreadful sense of utter failure.

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[roniscloud]

lhs - runnin’

lee heeseung [a. + f. 4700 words] runnin’

to you

you came up on some new

i know i shouldn’t feel blue

‘cause i was runnin’ out of time for you

synopsis: you met heeseung in your freshman year of college and immediately hit it off. you’ve made it to your third year and when everyone including yourselves thought that you were each other’s endgame, the devastation when you two split was immeasurable. you both know there’s still love between you. this break allows you both to realize new things. can you two find your ways back to each other? will this be the final goodbye?

genre + tropes: angst. fluff. comedy. college!au. establishedrelationship!au. exes!au.

warnings: fem reader. swearing. arguing. nosy friends. cold heeseung and cold reader. drifting relationship. interventions. slight suggestive themes but it’s only mentioned like once. they both pine over each other. mentions of alcohol and binge drinking. maybe not a happy ending. if you choose to see it that way. whoops. appearances of the rest of enha plus txt yeonjun and soobin.

i.  the break

“so this is how it’s gonna end? i thought we were doing fine.”

heeseung erupts into an even angrier fit, “are you kidding me? we are not fucking fine. in what world is this fine? tell me!”

you scoff from where you stand cross-armed on the other side of the bedroom. “well, can you really blame me? it’s hard to see if there’s something wrong if we never see each other.”

“exactly my point! we don’t see each other.”

the two of you have been at each other’s throats since heeseung showed up at your apartment. you have no idea how long ago that was or when the argument started. all you remember is coming up to him when he arrived, wanting to actually spend some time with him. instead he shrugged you off and ignored you, blaming the fatigue. the rest has been a blur. one of you made an offhand comment and now here you are: frustrated and in another fight.

a quick recap: you two met at a mutual friend’s party. you thought that each other was attractive and he ended up asking you out. from there you kept going out, fell in love, dated, and everyone thought you were perfect together. three years later and it’s getting tiring. life has been draining trying to balance it all.

“and who’s fault is that?”

annoyed, he snaps back, “oh please, you can not put the blame solely on me.”

“bullshit. i sure can when i’m the only one making an effort here. i’ve actually been trying to save us. you, on the other hand…” you pause again, rolling your eyes, “well, we both know just how much you care.”

his jaw drops, defensively he spits back, “are you genuinely implying that i don’t care about you? about us? that’s rich.”

you move to sit on the edge of the bed, staring at a single spot on the floor. you can see the shadow of heeseing pacing back and forth. you sit there, not looking at each other. the only sounds to be heard are his footsteps and the heavy sighs from you. you think back to the last several weeks. you recall each of the times you have been able to see each other. there’s no substance, nothing memorable. the only thing that comes to mind is that you always end up not talking at all or arguing.

just like right now.

“be real, heesung. when was the last time we went on a date? when was the last time you stayed the night without it ending up with you just knocking out? when was the last time we actually sat down and had a conversation? be honest because i will. i can’t remember.”

“and yet you thought we were fine?”

“well it’s better to believe a good lie than face the hurtful truth. i’m trying to save this relationship. i’m trying all the fucking time and you don’t do shit.”

he spits back frustrated, “well maybe that’s because there’s nothing to be saved.”

“are you kidding me right now? am i supposed to be scared? you tell me that there’s nothing to be saved and expect me to just give up?”

“sorry but i’m not running from this anymore.”

“you’re not sorry and we both know it.” you push yourself back up to stand, resting your hands on your hips, “you can’t say you’re sorry and expect me to forgive you. that’s not how this works.”

“this isn’t what i wanted to happen. this isn’t how it was supposed to go.”

“then make it work.”

“i- i can’t,” he holds his hands over his face, running one through his hair, “it’s too much.”

“so what? what do you mean?”

he finally stops. he takes a deep breath and lets it all out, “i just can’t see this working anymore, at least not like this.”

ii. week one

you thought this would be more difficult. that this would be the hardest pill to swallow. the first week apart may actually be the easiest. nothing has really changed. that’s probably because you haven’t told anyone that you two are no longer together. perhaps the time that you didn’t spend with each other before the break up had trained you for this.

life goes on, with or without heeseung. that’s what you keep telling yourself. you choose to get caught up with your life. you have other priorities. it’s not a crime to focus on yourself for the first time in three years.

heeseung feels the same. he doesn’t see any point on dwelling on the breakup. sure, he was the one who made the decision. he’s the one who put it out there. he’s the one who ended it and the one who is taking responsibility.

lucky for both of you, you don’t have any courses together and your schedules don’t really coincide. there’s no chance at any awkward run-ins. there is this weird, tiny feeling though. there’s this small inkling of something missing. you both suppress it. i mean, hell, the breakup just happened.

iii. scheming

meanwhile, your friends have all seemed to notice that the two of you are off. they aren’t sure what it is. they get that you two have had some time apart, but you’re both adults with lives. you have your own classes, jobs, other friends, and such. no one mentions it because they don’t think it’s their business.

but come on… there’s no way they won’t get to the bottom of it. our resident gossips, sunoo and sunghoon, team up and make it their mission to snoop around. of course, they take precautions to not get caught. the scheming duo find out nothing, to no avail.

now the gang of the scheming duo plus jay, jake, and niki have convened in the common room of jungwon’s dorm building. the 02z are all playing billiards in one corner. sunoo battles jungwon in a game of ping pong. the youngest of the group sits by himself on one of the couches, contemplating if he should speak up. they’ve been in a heated discussion as they try to figure out what exactly has been irking them.

riki, against his own conscience, speaks up to the five. he has this gut feeling and innocently wants to voice his opinion. “what if,” the young boy start out while gauging the faces of the others, “now don’t get mad and just hear me out.” he stops again, taking his time to make eye contact with each of the older boys, waiting until they all nod, “what if… they broke up?”

the group of friends all exchange glances with each other before breaking out into laughter. jay composes himself a bit, still chuckling when he says, “seriously? you think they broke up? heeseung and y/n? yeah, no way.”

sunoo leans onto the ping pong table and eggs him on, “they are literally soulmates.”

jungwon sets his racket down and goes to plop himself next to riki on the couch, “there is no way in hell the two of them split.”

iv. breaking news

“yeah, we split.” plain and simple. three words that crushed the poor hearts of jake and jungwon. he broke the news over brunch. he sensed their curiosity when they deliberately never brought you up. 

“good joke there, dude. almost had me for a second.” jake says, awkwardly with a forced laugh.

the youngest of the three chiming in and agreeing, “yeah, that’s really funny.” a silence hits the booth. “you are joking… right?”

the oldest then looks back and forth between the two, tilting his head to one side like a confused pup. he doesn’t see why they think he would joke and simply replies, “nope. you guys haven’t asked so i’m guessing you tried to snoop around and pick up on my cues. i’m also guessing sunoo’s behind this whole operation.”

“ok wait,” jake interjects, “what do you mean you broke up? you can’t just break up.”

jungwon agrees, “he’s right. you two are just playing a prank on us.”

“guys, i’m serious. y/n and i are no longer together.” the two just freeze, jaws dropped, eyes wide. “besides, it’s better this way.”

v. bad timing

meanwhile the remaining four members of their friend group have met up in the campus library in an attempted study session. so far, they’ve just gone back to gossiping and slacking off. the boys all find themselves teetering on the verge of sleep. that is until sunghoon catches you walking in. immediately going to softly pat the others back awake, they all look up confused. trying to stay subtle, hoon jerks his head to the side in your direction.

you make your way to one of the shelves, searching high and low for a book you need for your literature class. sneaking up behind you comes choi yeonjun, the library aid and a friend of yours. 

“need any help?”

“no thanks, i’m good jun.” you give him a polite smile.

unbeknownst to both of you, the failure of a study group has creeped to a closer table. they knew that you two were friends but they still can’t help but eavesdrop. “will you two please shut up so we can hear them?” the annoyed face evident on sunghoon’s face at the bickering of sunoo and niki. he turns to see jay, snacking and not paying attention. he rolls his eyes at the group, his gaze then catching yeonjun leading you out of the shelves. quickly shushing the three and nodding his head in your direction again, they finally get the hint.

yeonjun steps in front of you, “so you know my friend soobin, right?”

“soobin… as in choi soobin?”

yeonjun flashes his bright smile, “that’s the one.”

“yeah i know him. we had a stats class together a while back. he definitely taught me a few tricks around a calculator.” you laugh with him, “he’s super sweet, and needless to say cute too.”

“well, am i glad to hear that! long story short, he’s kinda been crushing on you lately and wants to know if you’re free. he mentioned your shared class before but he said he never got your number.”

“since you have mine already, go ahead and give it to him. tell him i’m free whenever he is.”

yeonjun raises his eyebrows at your boldness, “will do. i just wanted to ask you first before i gave it to him because… y’know…”

“no worries, i completely understand.”

he gives a quick goodbye before going back to his desk. storming quickly, four faces appear in front of you, all a combination of confusion, shock, and anger. 

sunoo starts, “um… y/n. why are you telling yeonjun to give your number to another guy?”

“yeah, are you cheating on heeseung?” his partner in crime, sunghoon, joins in.

you pause and scan their faces. your face dawns an equally as confused expression. “how can i cheat on someone who isn’t my boyfriend?”

four jaws simultaneously drop. riki’s being the first to close and answer a bit hushed, “i knew it.”

jay turns to him in disbelief, “not the time, niki!”

“did heeseung not tell you guys?” you ask them slowly. “i assumed he would be the one to let you all know.”

“that you two broke up?!” sunoo asks angrily, being shushed by yeonjun from the counter. giving an apologetic smile then tuning back into your conversation, “what do you mean you two broke up?”

“we just… broke up. that’s it. end of story. now if you’ll excuse me, i have to actually study.”

they watch you check out the book you came in for originally and walk out the doors, unsure of what to do next.

vi. the intervention

arranging your monthly movie night was not exactly the easiest task given the tensions surrounding two people in your group. so the only logical solution that they all could think of was to simply not to tell one of you that the other was coming over. a fool-proof plan.

in the dorm of the 02z, you did not expect to see heeseung when you walked in.

he gets up from his spot on the couch, “what the hell is going on here?”

“yeah, an explanation would be nice.” you cross your arms as you glare at the younger boys.

niki, trying to act as mediator gestures for both of you two sit on the loveseat—the same loveseat that was always reserved for the two of you before. “this is an intervention.”

after the confession of their intentions, everyone goes quiet. not a single word is spoken for several minutes, no one knowing how to start. after much internal contemplation, jungwon finally attempts to start. “we brought you two here today because- you know what, i can’t do this.” he stops and cuts himself off, burying his face in his hands.

sunoo sits next to him with his arms crossed. “how dare you two? our parents gets divorced and we don’t even get a notice.” it was common for them to refer to you and heeseung as the parents of the group, being the oldest. although something about sunoo still calling you by that nickname stings, him shaking his head to display his disappointment making you feel guilty. 

you see heeseung out of the corner of your eye avoiding looking up to your friends. “look, i don’t see the big deal. we broke up. that happens when relationships don’t work out.”

sunghoon quickly intervenes, “how can you say it isn’t a big deal? you’re letting three years go to waste and that’s all you can say? that’s what happens.” he scoffs at how shameless you come off.

“well, would you rather us stay together even when we were unhappy?” their reactions were a mix of shouts, the words yes, of course not, and duh all blending into each other.

that’s what brought your ex boyfriend out of his daze. “y/n has a point. we broke up and it’s over. we were no longer happy and i don’t see the point in bringing it up again either. it’s in the past. let it go.” he says rather coldly and sternly. him actually saying it and acknowledging it caused that weird feeling to come back. his body language is off, too. your years together has taught you enough about heeseung to know when he’s upset, especially with himself.

jake takes his turn, looking down at his fidgeting hands and muttering sadly, “but you promised each other forever.”

that prompts you and heeseung to glance at each other quickly, making eye contact and it lingering for a couple of seconds. you look away first, not noticing that his stare doesn’t leave you.”some promises just can’t be kept.” your response then making him turn away.

“bullshit.” it’s the first word uttered by jay this entire time. “neither of you are the type to break promises.”

“some things can’t be helped,” heeseung defends.

jay, getting angrier, asks his friend, “did you know that she’s already going on a date? yeah, that guy, soobin. i’m pretty sure you know who he is. your ex,” he makes sure to stress the last word with a certain degree of annoyance, “thinks he’s cute.”

emotionless, heeseung answers back, “good for her, then.”

you were sure that you were over him, that’s why you said yes to the date. but something about him not caring leaves you feeling odd.

jungwon stops your train of thought, “no, you’re supposed to be upset. you’re supposed to get jealous and confess you still want to be with her. you’re supposed to fight for her and be together.”

another quick glance between the two of you, lasting longer than the previous one. no words are said on his end, but you know exactly what he’s trying to say. “he doesn’t have to fight when i’m the one who ended it.” you knew him. you knew he couldn’t admit to the others his decision. after all, he wants to be a good role model even in his darkest times. he couldn’t crush their idea of love and you did what you had to do. you lied for his sake—and maybe even yours.

vii. him

two months have passed since the breakup. there’s tension amongst the friend group, the six not wanting to pick sides between you and heeseung. they’re constantly going back and forth, like they’re walking on eggshells as to not bring up something that only happened with the other.

to get your mind off everything, you’ve found comfort in soobin. well, more accurately you’ve found comfort in between his sheets, or wherever you two decide for it to go down. that’s not to say the dates aren’t great. you’re not official and you both know that. your latest date, however, couldn’t help but feel weird.

the date was going pretty well. don’t get me wrong—soobin is a great guy. he’s sweet, caring, funny, and handsome. you have a lot in common like your taste in drinks and movies. maybe if you had met him first, you would’ve dated him… but you didn’t meet him first. you met heeseung first, and soobin isn’t heeseung.

you found yourself drifting from the conversation now and then, thinking about how heeseung would’ve been at that moment. you think back to his habits, particularly the way he raises his eyebrows whenever he’s excited or talking about something he’s passionate about. you always found it endearing. over the course of dinner, you are able to notice that soobin has some cute habits too, like him covering his face when he gets shy or puffing out his cheeks. but it still isn’t the same.

“you two deserve each other.”

soobin catches your attention again with that comment. “what?”

“you and heeseung. i know that look. don’t try to lie to me.”

“look, heeseung is my past, and i want it to stay that way.”

“do you really want it to stay that way, or are you just afraid of what could happen if you let him back into your present?”

you give him a teasing glare, “don’t get all philosophical with me. i just don’t think he and i can go back to how we were before.”

“what’s so bad about you two changing? obviously if it didn’t work out, you shouldn’t try to be what you were before.”

“can’t i just try with you?”

“as much as i would love for you to give me that chance, i can’t do that to you or to myself. it’s not fair.”

you hesitantly ask him, “but is it worth it?”

“that’s not my decision to make.”

viii. her

now that you’re virtually not in his life, he seems to be looking for you everywhere. actually… rather than going out of his way to look for you, everything just reminds him of you. the jingles of the commercials you always sang along to, your favorite songs on the radio, the reruns of 90’s shows you always binged. hell, even when he was making ramen, he was reminded of how you would make his favorite for him every time he was stressed over an exam. he was sitting in the back of the lecture hall, trying so hard to stay awake for his 3 hour long class with the most boring professor on campus. he fought the urge to text you since it felt like second nature to rely on you to help cheer him up.

there was a particular night when it really hit him. reality smacked him in the face late one evening. heeseung was bored out of his mind, laying alone in bed, aimlessly browsing netflix to find something to watch. he thinks to himself y/n would’ve slammed this laptop closed and talked all night about random and obscure topics. he laughs to himself, reliving the memories. right then, it’s obvious. he misses her.

ix. promises

the rain hitting your bedroom window had no help on your already gloomy mood. what did help was the bottle of soju- well more realistically, four bottles of soju. it was all the liquid courage you needed to call heeseung at three in the morning. 

you sat drowsily on the rug of your living room, your phone on speaker and placed in front of you as you stared out the dewy glass. you heard the phone ring seven times, ready to hang up until you heard his groggy voice come out from the other end. “hello? y/n, why are you up?”

you laugh softly and ask him, sounding loopy, “why are you up?”

“because you’re calling me. would you like to give me a reason why, and are you drunk?”

“maybe. anyways, you know… i was thinking. we broke a lot of promises and it hurts. i have to know that we’re not bad people. i have to keep at least one, right?”

heeseung groans but lets you ramble, knowing that you won’t stop until you’ve said it all, “go on…”

“we made a promise that if something was going on, if we were in a dark place, that we would talk to someone. well, if you couldn’t tell by now, i’m not in the best place. the first person i thought to talk to was you.”

“why me?”

“shhh… don’t ask questions. i know you’re tired so just stay on the phone and let me talk. ok?”

he goes quiet for a bit, sighing, “ok.”

“i miss you. i do. i don’t expect you to miss me but i just want to say it,” pausing to hiccup, “soobin helped me realize some things, saying some crap like we deserve each other.” you chuckle as you recall his words, “maybe he said it because bad people deserve bad people. maybe he said it because in our own fucked up lives, we’re the only ones who can understand each other. i did a lot of thinking and i’ve come to the conclusion that we don’t. because if we stay together, we can’t move on. we can’t grow. we can’t become good people, no matter how much we want it. that’s life. sometimes, no matter how much we want something, no matter how much we wish on stars or pray, some things just aren’t meant to be.”

“y/n, get some rest…”

“wait, i’m not done. you already can tell i’ve been drinking and to be honest i have been, for a while. i do it,” starting to choke up and sniffle, “because it helps me forget. even if it’s just for a minute that i can forget what happened, i’ll drink as much as it takes. i’ll grow out of it, eventually. i know i will, but for now… i have to do what i have to do. i’m sure you can relate.” you laugh again, getting more drowsy. you bring your legs up, hugging your knees. faintly, the sounds of heeseung’s snores play from your phone. you smile to yourself, “i wish you were here, singing me a lullaby. i don’t know when you fell asleep but goodnight. take care of yourself.”

cuddled up in his bed, heeseung hears you hang up. he lets you believe he didn’t hear what you said. he knows the reality of it all and the weight that you both are carrying. knowing that you won’t check your phone for the rest of the night, he sends you a quick text: bookstore, saturday, noon. goodnight.

as he turns off his phone to try to fall back asleep, he sees his reflection in the black screen. he sees his puffy, red eyes and his tear-stained cheeks. the end of it all is coming and finally, you two are ready for it.

x. love song

seeing him in person is a good idea. clearing the air, letting it all out, getting closure. all good ideas, you hope. walking into the bookstore was a weird feeling. when you spot him sitting by the window, you quietly make your way over. he looks up at your new presence, his feet shuffling out of nervousness. you notice the glass of pear juice on the small coffee table in front of him, already half empty.

“hi,” he says like a whisper.

“hi,” you awkwardly respond. it’s unlike the two of you to not know how to start a conversation. you make your way onto the cushioned seat, letting yourself get comfortable to help ease the tension. you each avoid the other’s gaze, not knowing how to begin. you sigh and finally ask, “how have you been?”

“busy,” he says as he nods, “finally took up actual music lessons. thought it would be better to have someone who’s played piano and guitar professionally instead of trying to teach myself.”

you softly giggle, “that’s good. you’ve always loved music.”

“yeah… how about you?”

“same, busy. i got the t.a position i applied for like forever ago.”

“congrats! you still looking to become a teacher?”

“well, generally yeah. i was having my doubts before but i just fell back into it. finally being able to be there, present, and guiding others… that’s what i want.” you sit there across from him, watching him and taking it all in. the man in front of you is heeseung, but not the heeseung you knew. no, this is the better version of him. the version of him where he can focus on himself. the version of heeseung that’s glowing and happy and ready to take on the world. “so, look. there’s no easy or delicate way to put it but i think there are things we both need to get off our chests.”

“agreed. since it all happened—the fights, the breakups, the ambush interventions—we haven’t actually talked.”

“those interventions… they were silly but the guys did help me realize some things. we’re growing up. sure, i thought we had this plan of us graduating, getting married, having a family, settling down, growing old. we both wanted that type of life. sadly, it’s not what happened and we have to live with it.”

he lets out a chuckle, “heeseung and y/n: meant for each other and meant to be.”

“but not meant to last. what a bittersweet and poetic ending."

“it’s like people always say: right person, wrong time.”

“you know… you used to tell me that our love song was the soundtrack to the best life you could live.” you reach out and take his hand in yours, “i just,” pausing to take a deep breath and compose yourself, “i just want you to know… that if anything happens-”

he cuts you off with a quiet gasp, whispering your name with a shaky voice, “don’t.”

you shake your head and gently squeeze his hand, “if anything happens… if in the end, we don’t find our way back and it isn’t us, don’t think we ended on a bad note.” you drop your head as you chuckle lightly before continuing, “cause you were always on key.” you give him a small grin, trying your hardest to not make things worse by crying. “we were just playing different tunes.”

he pulls you in closer to him, placing his hands softly on your cheeks. “i always hated seeing you cry,” he says as he wipes away the tears on your face, not bothering about his own. he wraps his arms around you, holding you close for the last time. 

you stay there in his warmth, hearing him sniffle as he tries to hold back the falling tears. when you pull away, you tell him “i will always love you. maybe not in the way i thought i would but it’s still there.”

“maybe in our next life, it’ll be the right time.” with that, he leaves a kiss on your forehead, leaves the bookstore, and leaves your life. your duet that worked in perfect harmony now playing a beautiful cadence—two wandering artists, free to fill your own wretched worlds with new melodies, the bliss and tranquility of it all. the hope that maybe one day, you’ll be in each other’s lives again is enough.

[chiechie97]

Hiiiii!!!! I looooooove everything you are working on and I am so so so excited for this weeks update :)) I have a fic request if you are still taking them but lately I've been loving blackevans a lot and james being kinda grumpy about their friendship or he thinks that they're more than friends and I would love if you could write a hogwarts era version of that?

eeeeeeppppp here it is!!!! Read here it on A03

It shouldn’t bother him.

“Sirius stop!” Lily laughs, yanking her sheet of parchment away from his best friend.

James shouldn’t be annoyed. When Sirius had ended up being Lily’s project partner he’d promised to talk him up, mention what a good listener James was. Maybe even throw in a few of his quidditch stats once in a while.

But instead, he’d had to endure four months of them laughing and giggling away. Two peas in a fucking pod.

He’d been doing his best to give Lily space, show her the best side of him. He didn’t hex snivillous in the hallways (in front of her) or pull any massive, show-stopping pranks (that she could tie to him). And while he’d swore up and down to anyone who would listen that he was 100%, absolutely, completely over Lily Evans, the way his stomach jumped when he heard her laugh did little to convince even himself of that fact.

But despite all the perceived advances James had made, he had made limited progress with Evans herself. While she didn’t glare at him, the funny looks he would sometimes receive were enough to let him know she wasn’t exactly on the James train.

Sirius on the other hand had teased, joked, and wheedled his way into the same good books only Remus had previously graced.

“You’re staring again.” His friend nudged, shooting him a look.

“It doesn’t bother you?” James shot back, glancing over at Remus

“What doesn’t bother me?”

“That!” he hissed, gesturing wildly to where Lily and Sirius were huddled together in the front row

“No.”

“Why not?”

He’d said that last part a bit too loud, McGonagall shushed him, and Lily shot him a frown that made the tips of his ears turn red.

“Why not?” He asks again in a lower tone

“Because why should it?” Remus asked, sitting back in his seat with arms crossed over his chest, a knowing smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Because she’s stealing Padfoot?” He suggested lamely, silently cursing himself for even voicing this to Moony.

“Come on James you’re a better liar than that,” His friend grinned, “just admit it bothers you that Lily and Sirius are friends now.”

“It doesn’t.” He grumbles though he spends the rest of the class staring daggers through his best friend’s head and pointedly ignoring him at meals.

He sits by himself in the library that evening, insisting he’s got too much homework and is too distracted to be in the common room.

And truth be told, he is distracted.

Sixth year is turning out to be a lot more difficult than fifth. He suddenly has to work at transfiguration, and it doesn’t help his attention in that class has been slipping.

He’s trying his absolute best to not be mad at Sirius, and trying even harder not to think of every reason under the sun why Lily wouldn’t want to be around him.

While Sirius liked to flirt with everyone and everything, he’d always sworn up and down that he never had any true feelings for Lily.

“That one’s all yours mate, only you’re crazy enough to go after a bird that smart and stubborn.”

But now he wasn’t so sure Sirius was telling the truth.

Marlene had once told him that the both of them had been voted ‘the fittest in the year’ in the graffitied pole in the fifth-floor toilets. And while she refused to tell him who actually came first morbid curiosity won and he snuck in one night under his invisibility cloak to find that Sirius’s name had been written exactly six times more than him.

He’d spent the next few nights poking and proding at his face in the mirror.

His nose was slightly crooked from a beater’s bat to the face, a singular dimple punctuated his left cheek, and as always his hair did whatever the hell it wanted.

Sirius had the high cheekbones and perfect features muggle models had. Not to mention 20/20 vision.

It would make sense that Lily preferred Sirius to him.

He’s heard Mary and Dorcas throw around the word ‘self-esteem’ while reading their muggle lady mags, and he’s starting to think he might need to borrow one sometimes.

“What’s wrong with you?”

It’s more of a statement than an ask, but either way she asks it so suddenly he jumps nearly a foot off his chair.

“Holy mother of Merlin, you scared the shit out of me Evans,” he gasps clutching one hand to his chest, the other waving an apology to Madam Pince for the rather embarrassing shout he gave.

She pulls up the chair next to him, green eyes searching his face.

“You’re moping.”

“I am NOT moping,” he snorts. But he knows deep down that he is in fact moping, though he’s currently too preoccupied thinking about the fact that Lily Evans is willingly sat next to him in the library.

“You’re in a mood that’s for sure,” she sits back, arms folded over her chest, face folded into a frown. “You do know that I’m not trying to take Sirius away from you right? He’s still YOUR best friend.”

He feels his cheeks flush, “yeah I know.”

“So why are you upset with him?”

That makes James freeze.

“I’m not upset with him!” He exclaims, earning himself another shush and glare from Madam Pince.

She gives him a funny look,

He realizes this is the longest civil conversation they’ve ever had.

“Look, I’ve just got a lot on my plate right now.” He sighs, leaning back in his chair, stretching and crossing his arms over his head, “Quidditch is eating up my sleep, I’m probably failing potions, and I’m 88% sure my vision is getting worse and I’ll need new frames.”

Lily laughs, and while he’s pleased he’s finally made her laugh he’s confused as to why.

“Not sure how any of that was funny Evans but please feel free to delight in my misery.”

“How are you exactly 88% sure your vision is getting worse?”

“Crunched the numbers,” he shrugs, though he’s now grinning too.

“You’re ridiculous,” She snorts

She’s called him ridiculous before, but this time it holds no malice.

“And I like your specs. Can’t you just change the lenses?”

James tries not to let the compliment knock him over, though he does wobble in his chair a bit.

“Yeah, suppose I could keep the ol’ wireframes around. Though that won’t stop me from failing potions. Would you want to study sometime?” He asks before he can stop himself.

“Not as a date or anything! You’re the best in our year at potions is all, you should have seen my last potions essay. There was more red ink than black, I thought Slughorn was going to𑁋”

“James!” Lily interrupts, laughing again, “I’ll study with you.”

“You will?” He’s 88% pretty sure he’s dreaming.

“Yeah. No need to get Sirius to keep talking you up.”

She gets up from her spot next to him and nudges his shoulder in a playful goodbye.

He decides, after he’s recovered from shock of course, that he needs to go apologize to Sirius.

[binunus]

college bf!bin

a/n the duality of this man??? i’m deceased...anyway i did not think this would go this long but uh my hand slipped...happy birthday binnie!

word count: 5k

genre: fluff, smut, (tiny) angst _________________________________________________

ugh yo

bin is so??? infuriatingly hot??? yet cute at the same time

major: exercise science

and because I love mermaid prince/the beginning, he’s been on the swim team since first year college

swam varsity starting his second year

besties with eunwoo, they were roommates their whole college career

alright so bin loves making friends

he’s so playful and talkative once you really get to know him

but his aura?? tbh very intimidating

like he has an rbf and just like he’s so tall, broad shouldered, built, like he just carries himself very strongly that you will get intimidated when you first meet him

very well known in the university

literally has a professional photographed banner of him hanging in the athletic building with the gold medal he won freshman year

a little embarrassed about it

not really, only when the boys (as in literally the other five) tease him

myungjun: woOoOw bin that guy on the banner really looks like you, don’t you think?

rocky: we geeeeet it you’re a star athlete

blah blah blah you know the vibes, they’re endearing

so how do you meet bin?

basically you’re a friend of a friend—you’re eunbi’s (sinb) friend

you’ve only met bin briefly from time to time, but otherwise you never really had any reason to get acquainted with him

your only encounters of him are when he wants to annoy eunbi and she immediately puts him in his place

but then suddenly in the spring semester of your 2nd year, you and him are in the same 8 am

a boring statistics gen ed class that everyone needs to take in order to graduate

you were running a bit late during the first class meeting—you woke up 30 minutes after your alarm and literally rushed out of your apartment—you made it to class with 2 minutes to spare

most of the seats were filled up already, except that one seat in the back left corner by the window next to the one and only moon bin

oh would you look at that

you felt a bit relieved honestly, you didn’t know anyone else in that class so at least you saw a semi-familiar face

he grinned at you when you sat down

“hey y/n”

you were a bit taken back, “you know my name?”

he laughed a little, “yeah of course, you’re one of eunbi’s really good friends, why wouldn’t I know your name?”

before you could respond, the professor started class and ceased your conversation

one thing you realized as the weeks start to go on

you and bin could not give any two fucks about statistics

no offense to stats lovers

every 8 am on mon/wed/fri, neither one of you would pay attention in class

you both enabled each other to not pay attention basically

so when the professor announced the content and date for the first exam

you and bin literally looked at each other with the same expression

you were both fucked

after class was dismissed, instead of the two of you quickly packing your things and fleeing the room immediately, you both lagged a little bit

you: so...do you know anything that’s going to be on the exam?

bin: uh...no? y/n you’re literally right next to me, you know I don’t do jack shit in this class

you: well fuck, how are you gonna study then bin?

bin: I was probably gonna ask my roommate to help me, he passed with a 96 when he took this class

you give him the best puppy dog eyes you could muster up, you lean in and clasp your hands together like you’re praying

“can he help me too...? please?”

bin’s eyes go a lil wide bc you were a bit closer than he was used to and shit was his heart racing rn?

bin: uh...yeah...sure, i’ll text you to come over when we’re gonna study

you beam at him and like in your excitement you give him a hug

“thank you thank you thank you! i literally cannot fail this class. I’ll see you on friday bin!”

with that you grabbed your bag and just left, leaving bin shocked

he’s surprisingly a shy boy okay!

he always thought you were cute from when he first saw you hanging out with eunbi, but ofc he never thought any more of it

until you guys had this class together and he started to think every day, that wow you are really cute

bin texts you the next day

coincidentally, eunbi texts you too

bin: hey this is bin, if you’re free in an hour my roommate’s gonna help me go over the material in ch. 1

eunbi: why did bin ask for your number

you to bin: yes! send me your addy and i’ll be there :)

you to eunbi: we’re in the same stats class lol and we’re gonna study for our exam next week

eunbi: lol moon bin studying? you might wanna bring some wine with you for emergency y/n

you: lol what do you mean by that?

eunbi: binnie hates studying, but good luck!

ahh, eunbi becomes unhinged when it comes to bin

but you know it’s bc they’re that close, they’re literally childhood best friends, more so like siblings

still, studying w him couldn’t be that bad right?

spoiler alert, it went alright

you felt bad showing up to bin’s apartment empty handed so you picked up some coffee before you arrived

you officially meet bin’s roommate, eunwoo, and you’re floored for like 2 minutes bc literally how can a man like him be real?

cue bin being a bit jealous bc yeah he knew his roommate’s perfect but like damn did you have to be affected by him too :(

eunwoo’s a good teacher alright? you actually understood the material from him

you: idk what eunbi’s talking about, you’re actually not that bad at studying bin

bin being offended: oh god what did eunbi say about me

eunwoo smirking: maybe it’s because you’re here y/n, bin usually doesn’t focus this much when it’s just me trying to help him

you: ???

bin in his head: i can’t trust anyone huh 

before you left his place, you and bin planned to meet up and study one more time before your stats exam

it was just you and bin this time

although you’d never admit it, yes you tried to look good for meeting up with him

yeah he’s a friend?? at least you think you were at that level?? but still, he’s a cute friend and you really didn’t want him to see you looking crusty

you and bin end up studying for a whole 5 hours

granted, half of that time you two were messing around, eating food, trying to procrastinate for as long as you could

bc even though you two had a good handle on the material now—thanks to eunwoo—you both still hated statistics

you knew bin started to get more comfortable with you bc he started teasing you

it made you happy hehe so ofc you started to quip back at him

not at the intensity that he and eunbi do but it’s enough for you :)

he walks you back to your apartment after your study session

wow what a gentleman

bin waving bye at your door with the cutest smile: see you in class y/n :)

mayhaps your stomach did a little somersault

anyways

on the day of your exam you were freaking out

you have test anxiety ah ha ha

you woke up at 5 bc you were paranoid about being late to class

you’re like hastily looking over the notes again when you get to class like are you really prepared omg you’re psyching yourself out hella

bin comes in with 2 cups of iced coffee and he’s like woah are you okay

you: i woke up at 5 bin, idk if i can do this omg

you are like visibly in distress rn and he feels like a pang in his chest 

he was gonna mess with you and say like “bet im gonna get a higher grade than you” but he smartly decides against it

instead, he just takes your hand and gives it a little squeeze: y/n, take a deep breath. you’re going to do great, you studied your ass for this and we both know that you got this material down—even eunwoo hyung said you were gonna ace this exam. just trust your instincts, okay? breathe with me.

he was staring at you so intently and genuinely when trying to calm you down

your anxiety yeeted and suddenly you felt shy

you: th...thanks bin...

bin was worried about you while taking the test rip, he kept secretly glancing at you (while also trying not to make it look like he was cheating) just to make sure that you were okay

he walks you to your next class after you both finished your exam

bin: you sure you’re okay? you said you woke up at 5, did you even eat breakfast? let’s get food after your next class.

you were feeling better after the test but like you got so endeared at his fussing

yes you and bin got lunch that day

your exam results were uploaded the next day

you immediately called bin: I GOT A 95

bin: i told you that you would ace it! i got a 90 hehe

you: bin i literally owe you and eunwoo my life, lemme buy you guys food or something

you hear a little bit of bickering over the phone and suddenly you’re talking to eunwoo

eunwoo: i would love some sushi, but since bin can’t eat seafood, why don’t you come watch his swim meet this weekend :)

you: o...h...o-okay yeah i���d love to watch, what time is it? :)

eunwoo: it’s saturday at 10 am

you: okay! i’ll see you there bin

bin already planning on drop kicking eunwoo

cha eunwoo—best wingman™

you basically beg eunbi to go with you to bin’s swim meet

eunbi: i know bin can swim, why do i have to watch him flounder around under water

also eunbi: faster bin! don’t you fucking dare lose!

bin places first this meet

are we shocked? no

okay you mentally prepared yourself for seeing him shirtless, but clearly you didn’t prep enough bc you’re on the cusp of drooling when you’re watching him from the bleachers

and let’s face it, you’re not subtle and eunbi knows everything so she’s literally closing your jaw for you and like messing with you

eunbi: y/n, you’re really sure you like bin? he’s a good guy but c’mon, i think you deserve better

you: since when did i say that i like him ???? and what do you mean ??? i think he checks...all the boxes...for me...

eunbi: maybe it’s bc i’ve known him since when he used to wet his pants so i don’t understand why people are attracted to him, but like...really, you’ve been checking him out since he removed his shirt. even the ref can see that you’re simping over him

you and eunbi meet up with eunwoo and the rest of bin’s friends—that you haven’t met yet but know of

jinjin: oh so you’re the y/n that bin’s been talking about *wink wonk*

baby you’re blushing

even more so when bin comes up to your group

mmm middle parted wet hair, muscle tee and white sweats, towel around his shoulders

he’s so hot ???

you’re all congratulating him blah blah, but like bin keeps glancing at you and all you can do is just smile and like nervous laugh

sanha: y/n! eunbi noona! you should come eat with us to celebrate bin hyung’s win

eunbi glances at you, little smirk on her face: i have plans, but i know y/n’s free! bin you make sure they get home safe after y’alls dinner plans :)

hwang eunbi—best wingwoman™

dinner with the boys was chaotic, you were talking and joking around with them as if you didn’t just meet them today

*you about to get your wallet*

bin, not even able to look at you: it’s okay y/n, i got you this time

cue the boys teasing

astro: kings of making fun of each other

rocky as the group is splitting up: walk y/n home safely hyung :) don’t stay out too late

bin: sorry about them, they’re a bunch of loud idiots...ah haha...

the walk back to your apartment is actually pretty sweet

he didn’t know if you would actually come watch his meet or not but he was excited when he actually saw you

you talk about small random things about yourselves, but it’s not like useless information, you bet that both your subconsciouses are keeping track of whatever y’all are talking about

you give each other a “friendly” hug goodnight...that lasts like a minute or so

and while you’re hugging, bin just can’t help but think that wow you fit so perfectly in his arms

and on the other hand, you’re thinking he feels so warm? so safe? you don’t want to pull away?

but ofc the hug has to end and you’re thanking him for walking you home and he’s like glued to his spot waving goodbye sweetly and waiting for you to go inside so that he knows you’re safely in your apartment before leaving

bin sighing dreamily as he walks back to his and eunwoo’s place

eunwoo waiting on the couch with a glass of water: how was your date ;)

bin: it wasn’t a date, i just walked y/n home

eunwoo: yeah, but you want it to be a date

bin: ...shut up

god why is the pining stage so long

alright everyone knows you and bin like each other

it becomes pretty obvious after the swim meet

you and him fall into this little routine of switching who buys coffee for your 8 am

and then he’d walk you to your next class afterwards

you both still don’t pay attention in stats, sorry

but that means more outside study sessions dates

you come watch his swim meets, whether astro’s there or you’re just watching by yourself

and then you and him get lunch?? early dinner?? right afterwards, it depends on whenever his meet ends

but like??? neither of you have confessed your feelings for each other

even though you both have like a little hint that yeah the feelings are mutual

you and bin are literally like this for 3 months, like damn the semester is almost over

eunbi and eunwoo are tired of your shit, they’re both just like: when the fuck are they getting together? we’re sick of this.

alright so the masterminds literally pay one of eunwoo’s friends from his major to ask you out while you’re studying with bin

let’s do mingyu why not, he was in your korean history class last year

you and bin are in the library, half studying half goofing off per usual

eunwoo, eunbi, and mingyu are at the opposite side of the floor

mingyu: u sure bin won’t clock me for trying to ask out y/n

eunwoo: probably not??

eunbi: just do it please

mingyu giving them both the finger before walking up to your table

“hey y/n...i was wondering if you’d like to get dinner with me...as a date?”

you: o_o huh?

mingyu: i always thought you were cute from when we had class together last year, but i never had the balls to ask you out or anything...you’re not dating anyone, right?

you glance at bin to find that he’s already looking at you with an expression that you don’t really know how to read

you: um...well no I’m not-

bin: actually, we’re dating so y/n can’t go out with you mingyu, sorry.

mingyu’s not even phased, he just gives you a thumbs up and then leaves

you’re confused like literally what is going on—and then you process what bin said and you whip your head to look at him

bin: sorry i said that...i just felt...jealous i guess when mingyu asked you out

you: I wouldn’t have said yes anyway...I sorta like someone else

bin: fuck it, the topic already came up...y/n I’ve liked you for a while now but uh...I don’t know I guess I was scared to tell you because I’m scared of rejection

you just laugh, but not mockingly! more like bin you’re so cute wtf

“bin, why would I reject you when I’ve literally been into you for the past four months?”

it’s safe to say that you and bin officially began dating after that

eunwoo texting in their gc: bin and y/n are finally together

myungjun: fucking finally

bin: how...did u know that eunwoo...?

*eunwoo has left the chat*

alright but bin’s charm?? flirting?? teasing?? sweetness?? up 1000%

bin is touchy y’all, in private his hands are always on you, whether it be sexual or not sexual is up to you

he restrains himself in public ofc, the most he does is put a hand on your waist or hold your hand

eunbi threatens bin early on in your relationship: bin you’re like my brother, but y/n’s one of my dearest friends and if you as much make them cry i will kill you

ofc bin is still eunbi’s punching bag, but when you three are hanging out, he’s dramatic and acts like he’s hurt so he’s like whining to you

sometimes you play along and coo at him like: aww binnie, where does it hurt baby?

other times you’re like: you really think i believe that?? with the size of your biceps??

eunbi: excuse me while i vomit

okay but binnie? bestest sweetest boy

yes he looks all big and intimidating

but he’s soft—especially for you

your nicknames for each other are either “bub” or “baby”

yes will join in making fun of you with the boys, but when you start pouting he’s a goner and will defend you

bin is also a big cuddler, but i mean you’re not complaining hehe

he’s the big spoon, no questions asked

okay but being in bin’s arms is like your favorite place in the world

his frame literally just envelopes you and all you can feel and smell is him and it’s so??? content, you feel at home with him

you feel bad in the morning bc like his arm has to be sore from your weight so you try to like get out of his grasp, but he literally just whines and hugs you tighter

okay but just imagine you and bin napping and his arms are around your waist, his nose is buried in your neck and he wakes up like nuzzling his face in your shoulder like a puppy

im soft

one week you’re staying over at bin’s apartment and then the next week he’s staying over at yours, the cycle goes like that

if you’re one of my ladies with a ~vagíne~, he will buy all your cravings and your tampons/pads, literally anything you want that week, it is yours

doesn’t really get jealous now that you two are official, he knows that you’re his and he’s yours

you two lightly bicker like friends, but you’ve never had a terrible fight before

you were really close to though—or...like you did?? but it was resolved really quick

one of the only problems of bin is that he hates showing weakness and it takes him a whole lot to truly fully 100% be vulnerable with someone even if it’s someone close to him

he pulled a muscle in his arm and it cost him one of his swim meets

he had to go to rehab for like a month and you knew that mentally he’s been off bc of it

you try to ease talking him into telling you about how he’s really feeling but he just kept dodging the subject

one night after one of his rehab sessions, he came back to your place and you’re just like

“hey bubbie, how was rehab? how are you doing?”

and he just snaps at you: stop asking me how I am, y/n, it’s getting really annoying

you’re taken aback, like what the fuck where did that come from?

your eyebrows furrow and you cross your arms bc you are not going to get spoken to like that

“so me worrying about you and wondering how your recovery’s going is annoying? that’s what a partner is supposed to do, moon bin. what’s going on with you?”

bin: you’re being suffocating! it’s the only thing you ask me about nowadays, sometimes I—

oh boy you got mad

you: I ask you because I know you’re not telling me things! I know you’re suffering by yourself and I want to let you know that I’m here for you, I want to help take some of the pain away or at least help you deal with it because I’m your partner! but how can I if you can’t even let me in?? we’re fucking dating moon bin, we’re supposed to go through rough times together. and you call me suffocating...? 

bin’s silent and he’s looking at the floor

you sigh, tears are building in your eyes because you’re frustrated and a bit hurt by what he said, and your voice cracks when you speak again: if i’m suffocating you, then you should leave. text me or something when you can breathe again, I don’t know.

there’s a bit of spite in your words, hidden by the pain

bin sees the tears rolling down your cheeks and that’s when he knows he fucked up

he’s never seen you cry before—besides like from a sad movie or something

so like the fact that he made you cry and hurt you with his words? damn he hates himself rn

he immediately wraps his arms around you, and you like try to push him to get away bc why is he hugging you? didn’t he just say that you were suffocating? why is he confusing

bin: baby, I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have taken out my frustrations on you, you’re not suffocating me I promise...you’re right about everything, I should be sharing things with you and telling you how I’m really feeling...I’m sorry.

you don’t say anything and just like sniffle and he picks you up and brings you to your bedroom and then he just lets it all out

he tells you how rehab is hard and like yeah his muscle pain is going away, but he doesn’t know if he can swim as fast as he used to and that scares him

and he tells you that sometimes he’s thought of giving up swimming since his injury, but then he thinks of you and that’s how he’s still going through with rehab

you’re his motivator and comfort but he doesn’t want to show you his weak side bc he hates that part of himself

and at this point, bin starts tearing up and you’re like stroking his hair to try and comfort him

bin: I’m not good at telling my feelings baby...probably why I didn’t tell you I liked you until 4 months later...but I promise I’ll work harder and at least try and tell them to you.

ugh pain

anyway your communication with serious things got better after that encounter

eunbi finding out that you and bin argued and he made you cry and she literally punched his stomach

you: omg eunbi stop

bin: it’s okay...I sorta deserved that

eunbi: why...are you not swearing at me? shit, bin are you okay?

he nods to the girl and just puts an arm around your shoulder: we talked things through, don’t worry. I’m all good now, but I did deserve that punch because I hurt y/n when I promised you I wouldn’t

bin ends up having a full recovery and bam his first swim meet after he got the clear from the PT, he gets first place again

all the boys and you and eunbi were there supporting him

bin was hella nervous before the meet started, but you gave him a little good luck kiss and was like: I believe in you bub, no matter the result, as long as you give it your all and don’t hurt yourself again, you’ll be the winner to me :)

this was actually when the first “i love you” was said

after your little pep talk in the locker room, bin’s just hugging you and holding you for comfort

and he just went out with it

“I love you y/n”

you blush hella hard bc you were not expecting that

obviously you’ve been feeling it like yeah your feelings for bin have grown into love for a while now

you just bury your face in his chest and hug him tighter

“I love you too binnie, now go get em bub.”

he smiles and kisses you and tells you that he’ll see you after the meet is over

you come back to the crowd where the boys and eunbi are and you just have a huge smile on your face, you’re literally glowing

myungjun: please tell me you guys didn’t fuck before his swim meet

speaking of fucking

okay let’s get down and dirty ladies and gents wink wonk mmm grr bark bark

bin is so sexy y’all like i dont need to tell you that

he’s 100% a tease

you have a little muscle kink hehe

which bin very much uses to his advantage

if bin is wearing a sleeveless shirt, you bet he wants to smash that day

will walk around shirtless after a shower or after a workout just to turn you on and then depending on his mood, he might tease you for like an hour or you’ll just get right to it

he’s very proud of his body and the work he put into it and knowing that you get turned on from one look of it?? gives him an ego boost, he loves it

one time at a party, he wore a crop top (mm hello bad idea bin) and you literally went feral

you dragged him inside the nearest bathroom and just started making out

he’s an ass guy

...all of astro are ass guys, it’s just obvious with how much they slap each other’s asses and poke each other’s assholes

okay you know how he’s touchy right? i mentioned that earlier

he always wants you on his lap

even if there’s a space available, nope your seat is his thighs

ofc when the situation allows, like you’re not gonna sit on his lap in class duh

most of the time in public like if you’re hanging out with the boys or something, it’s innocent

but if he wants to be a tease, he’ll literally just tighten his grip on your hips and grind you down onto his cock

subtle, he won’t straight up thrust into you

just enough to get his dick stirring and make you feel the outline of it through your pants

and then he just stops and hugs your waist again?? wtf

his major’s exercise science right? will ask if he can practice on you for anatomy and physiology, but you know after touching you in a couple places, y’all will just end up fucking

likes to bite and mark

very proud seeing the hickeys he leaves on you

you can bite, but you can’t bruise, idk his upper body is exposed a lot bc swimming so you can’t really leave any marks on him unless it’s the off season

foreplay’s cool, but he prefers the main event, he just wants to be in you

as much as he loves doggy, his fav position is the hook

(it’s when your legs are on his shoulders ohoho and it just lets him fuck you in a deeper angle mmm)

also in the hook, he can choke you

if i have a choking kink, you have a choking kink

okay little tangent, choking is so hot?

like just imagine you and bin are making out, he pushed you against the wall, literally grinding his hips into you, and his hand just comes up and squeezes your throat? that’s so sexy

likes butt stuff oops

i don’t make the rules, he just does

daddy kink, but no power play

will not degrade you (even if you really just want him to call you his dirty slut) bc he really values seeing you as equals

seeing your face when you cum is a must

almost always: you cumming → bin cumming

nothing gets him off more than knowing that he’s making you feel good

after !! care !!

sweetest boy!!

will clean you up with a warm towel after sex

and if you’re one of my ladies, he will always remind you to pee so that you don’t get a UTI

if y’all had a marathon or something, he will draw a bath and carry you to the bathroom and you will bathe together, so soft

always ends sex with an i love you :’)

okay let’s get back to the soft stuff

special thing about swimmer bin: pool dates

sometimes when he’s practicing and it’s just him, he asks you to come to the aquatic center and you two end up splashing around and being cute together

he like knew that you were the one for him some time during senior year

it was the holidays and his parents invited you to spend christmas with their family since your parents were out of the country this break

his parents and sister liked you immediately—which you were so scared about, but bin just knew

you woke up early christmas eve (and bin was out like a rock) so you just went downstairs to brew some coffee or something and you saw that his mom was already starting on making food

naturally, you offered your help and she was like no, you’re a guest y/n, but obviously you started helping

bin comes downstairs like an hour or two later to see you, his mom, and his dad just cooking and listening to christmas music and talking and his heart just like swells??

you: morning binnie :)

his mom: how can you be sleeping when y/n’s here helping us with christmas dinner

his dad: what kind of boyfriend are you, son?

just kidding all jokes

but that’s the moment when he knew

best boyfriend bin ugh

he becomes a legend in the school for swimming

but doesn’t continue after college, he’s all about becoming a physical trainer after graduation

he goes to grad school, while you’re out working in business

bin moves in with you after graduating, it was the obvious next step

you do talk about the future together, but obviously bin’s still in school and you’re both fresh from undergrad so there’s no rush yet to tie the knot

doesn’t stop his or your parents from talking to you two about marriage tho oops

ugh but the domesticity after bin moves in with you? superb

like yeah obviously you both basically lived together anyway when he still roomed with eunwoo just from how much you and him spent at each other’s places

but like your apartment is now both of your place and it’s like your home is finally complete

your apartment becomes the reunion place for the boys and eunbi

at this point everyone knew you and bin were gonna get married eventually

eunwoo and eunbi: we did that ;)

and that’s how you and your college bf!bin live happily ever after uwu

happy birthday binnie moonbob ♥

1-25-21

[sroloc--elbisivni]

Prompts open until 2022

I announced this on the last chapter of Definitionless in this strict atmosphere that went up today, (!!!!!!) but to say it again and for anyone here who likes my writing but doesn’t care about Transformers: **I am opening prompts until January 1, 2022. I will make an effort, within reason, to respond to any prompt I get for the rest of the year. **

They can be for scenes from another perspective, or missing scenes from, or future timestamps of fics I’ve already written. I’m even putting a moratorium on my no-responding-to-sequel-requests rule.

They can be for any fandom I’ve written for, or ones I haven’t but you know I know about.

They can be for ‘things I mentioned one time and never elaborated on’ or completely new ideas.

They can be for single words and a ship, song lyrics and a fandom,  completely original snippets, character dynamics, whatever. Anything goes. If it really squicks me out, I just won’t fill it, but for pretty much any request (assuming good faith) I’ll give it a shot.

All I ask is that if I ask you to narrow something down, please do! otherwise I’ll take a wild guess, but I like specificity.

Why I’ve done this, gross sentimentality, and rambling personal crap under the cut.

The first and fastest reason is that I’m almost at 1000 followers, and I always meant to do some kind of prompt thing in celebration. Another reason is...so this is my wordcount on AO3 for 2021 as of finishing Definitionless.

For context, here are the previous three years

2020 includes the total word count of Universe Collision, which has been a work-in-progress since 2016. It’s 37k but only about 8k of that is from the last three years. I have literally written more this year than I have in the past three combined. This is your brain on Transformers, I guess!

Most of that is Definitionless, which is part of why I’m sentimental today, because that isn’t the first fic I wrote for Transformers but this--it was a big, long project that I started back in January and kept chipping away at a little bit at a time and now it’s done. That’s cool. I’m celebrating that.

The last reason...In 2019, my dad died.

I know. Subject change. I said I’d be getting grossly sentimental and this is part of why but it’s been over two years now and I still haven’t figured out how to explain that delicately. My dad died and I kept functioning outwardly like a person but I got kind of fucked up on grief for a while, enough that in 2020 when everything shut down and classes went online it honestly came as a relief. This is my context for I think the single most traumatic collective event of my generation: it was a relief.

In between these things, while behaving outwardly like a person, I tried to relearn how to behave inwardly like a person. How to keep my mental and emotional health and enjoyment of things ticking. A lot of that, for me, filters through fandom and online friends because these have been huge parts of my life since high school. So looking back, when I think of how I got briefly, wildly into the Penumbra podcast and started three fics only to realize now that I haven’t been able to touch the show in months and I don’t know if I’ll ever listen to it, because I was in such a painful place at the time I was first drawn to it, I can realize ‘oh. I was kind of fucked up.’ in a way I truly honestly wasn’t able to see at the time. Sometimes understanding your own pain is really counterproductive to surviving it. (I ran the stats on my own daily poems and the word ‘grief’ just...vanishes in 2020, before coming back in force this year. it’s kind of wild)

In late December, my friend Iz asked me if I’d join the D&D campaign she’d been running for a while. I went ‘sure, I’d love to, and also by the way, I’m really interested in playing as a character from your canonically post-apocalytic decaying world who’s lost everything for some reason.’ (At the time, if you’d asked me how I was doing, I would have said ‘oh, I’m fine’ and genuinely believed it.) Iz, you are a saint and a gift of a friend and the game you made was a lifeline for me. I don’t think I can say that enough.

About that same time, I finally gave these comics Steph had been telling me about for ages a shot and picked up MTMTE. I didn’t make it through on that first round, but I did watch the Bumblebee movie, and between those two things I got enough context that when someone on my dash started raving about astolat’s MegOp fic I went ‘hm’ and opened those. And then I read my way through a solid chunk of the archive. And eventually I went back to MTMTE and had Some Kind of Feelings. 

In March or so, feministbatman who I was now playing D&D with and I started talking about our characters, and an AU where they had a different first meeting, and over the next four months we co-wrote a novella set in just that scenario. I wrote out a small percentage myself, but mostly I cheerled and edited and opined and generally just got the chance to remember: wow. I really like writing, actually. If you’re reading this: thank you, thank you, thank you.

Right after this is about when I got back into MTMTE. And watched TFP. And I kept reading a lot of transformers fic, and mentioned it to my friend Jess, who went ‘hey another friend is also telling me about transformers recently’ and then started playing in that space with me as I started to come up with ideas. and still hasn’t stopped, even though it’s been over a year of me sending her many stupid and silly ideas and fics in 400-word chunks over the course of weeks. Thanks. Thanks thanks thanks. I owe you so much.

I’m as stable and I’m happy as I am today because of dear friends, because of community, and because of the silly things I’ve done with words online. I want to celebrate that, and give back a little bit, and since the thing that I have fun contributing and that I think other people often have fun with from me is my writing, well...here you go. Ask away. I’ve been lucky enough to received a lot of joy from the people I’ve interacted with in the past couple of years, and I want to put some of that joy into the world.

And if you’ve ever clicked on something I’ve written because you wanted to see what it was, if you’ve ever liked a poem or fic I’ve posted, if you’ve ever taken that extra step to reach out and tell me ‘hey I liked what you made’--this is for you, in particular. Thank you all. Thank you so, so, much.

[lo-55]

Playing With Fire Ch. 3

Ignition

@emrysaf

You’ve decided. You’re going to marry Maki. 

You’re going to marry her and adopt Sputter and Flare, and you’ll all live happily ever after in the cathedral and- 

You’re broken out of your thoughts when Maki smacks you so hard you literally see stars and throws you on the ground. 

“... owe.”

If everything else hadn’t cemented the fact that you were really living inside Fire Force, the pain of Maki’s fist and the hard concrete under your cheek sure would have. Holy hell, how was she so strong?

You roll over on your back to look up at her. 

“I bet,” you begin, “that you could bench press me if you really wanted to.”

Maki’s cheeks pink and she huffs down at you. “Why aren’t you using your pyrokinesis? Do you think I can’t handle it?”

I have no idea how to do that! 

“Nope, Nope! I’m sure you could wipe the floor with me, it’s not that miss!” You said quickly. “I was just in awe of you, sorry,” you salute quickly, and watch pink crawl across Maki’s face. 

So cute!! 

“H-honestly! At least use your spear!” 

You perk up. Spear? The Sun Spear? Is that what you have here? An answer! Finally! An answer! 

Maki takes your surprise for something else. “No one told you that they’d sent it over ahead of you? You should really keep better of your gear.” 

You dip your head quickly. “Yes, yes. Sorry. Can you show me where it is, please?” 

“Sure,” Maki smiles at you, “We’re about done for now, anyhow. Let’s go back inside and wash up. Sister Iris and Shinra should be waiting.” 

Maki takes you back into the cathedral, away from the training area on the roof. The cathedral really is pretty run down. The walls could use a good scrubbing, the floor boards either need to be replaced or are missing entirely, and there’s a lot of cracks in the tile and missing corners. The windows are fine, if not dusty, and the stained glass pieces are really beautiful. The whole place smells faintly of burnt wood and gun oil. It’s not bad, but its certainly unfamiliar. Everything is so vivid. The way it smells. The sound of the building settling, and the birds outside, and the voices of your new comrades. 

It’s amazing. 

Kinda terrifying, but crazy cool too. 

After a quick shower for each of you Maki shows you to the weapons room, where a long, thin case is rested against a wall between two racks of guns. Obi’s shield is propped up in one corner, along with a couple of his weird stabbing things that he puts infernals to rest with. You’ve been here two days now, and you’ve seen him use it twice.

You don’t know how, but you know instinctively that that case belongs to you. 

You go to it. There’s a strap along the back, like the kind on a violin case. You carefully set it on a table, mindful of the bullets stacked on top of it. With a few clicks you undo the buttons on either end and open up the case. Inside is a long staff, deep red in color and capped at the bottom with copper colored metal that curves into a diamond point. On the opposite end is a thin band of the same metal, that reveals the inside to be hollow. 

You pick it up carefully, testing its weight in your hands. It feels natural. Even though you’ve never actually fought with a spear before your body knows where to hold it, and how to spin it around elegantly until you’re facing Maki again. Your body knows how much space you’re taking up, and how not to hit the walls, while your brain geeks out over the fact that you’re actually holding the Sun Lance. 

So cool! 

Is it conceited to say that you’re super cool? Or that this was hella badass? 

You were almost bouncing on your toes you were so excited. 

“Wow, I didn’t know you missed your spear this much,” Maki smiled at you. “You look good with it.” 

“Aha, you think so? It’s just nice to have it I guess. This has been, I dunno. An adventure already. I’m in a strange place, with strange people, and I’m in an awfully dangerous situation. It’s been an adjustment, ya know?” 

You feel like a fool for rambling, but Maki smiles at you kindly. 

“I understand. Even though I was raised in a military family, it took me a while to get used to life as a fire soldier too. Don’t worry too much about it, and you know, we’re always here to help. It’s not like you have to go it alone.” 

You’re heart warms with her words. “Yeah. Thank you, Maki. You’re really a nice person.” 

Once the Sun Lance is safe in its case the two of you leave the armory, and make your way to the dorm rooms. 

Since the company is so small, each person gets their own room. In bigger companies you would be in actually dorms, or barracks, but the eighth only has Obi, Hinawa, Maki, Sister Iris, Shinra, and yourself. Arthur will be here soon too, and Tamaki. Your small company will grow soon. 

Your own room ended up being at the top of one of the towers on the west side of the cathedral, opposite of the garage. Which meant that last night, when the alarm had gone off, you’d been the last to arrive at the Matchbox. Near the garage are the locker rooms, and the communal showers, although there’s more bathrooms scattered through the base. 

In the center of the cathedral is the courtyard where Sister Iris purifies herself, and grows flowers. 

It’s really a nice place. 

“Thank you,” you say again, and Maki nods to you and leaves you to climb the steps on your own. You shut the door and lock it behind you. 

Your room is scant, all things considered. A bunk bed it pushed into each corner, with a desk underneath it. You’ve claimed the one nearest to the window. There’s a wardrobe on the opposite side, and a small, stocky book shelf. 

You need to hang up some pictures or get a rug or something. It’s entirely impersonal. 

You rest your Sun Lance up against the corner by the window and go to sit at the desk under your bed. You’ve already unpacked your few belongings into the wardrobe and the drawers of the desk, including the diary from ‘Fuyuki’. 

Your ‘sister’. The game honestly hadn’t told you a whole lot about her. Just that she disappeared, and what few flashbacks you would have now and again. Like the one you got when you touched your ring and the lighter.  

You open it up with careful hands. 

Inside the handwriting is familiar, even if the words aren’t. There’s no mistaking your hand writing. It looks like a serial killer in a movie has left a ransom note made out of letters cut out of magazines. 

I wonder if there’s cereal in the kitchen. 

You always think better when you’re snacking. 

To keep your thoughts in order, you scatterbrain.

<3 Fuyuki 

 The first entry is dated for 193 AC. After the Cataclysm. It’s 198 now, so this was given to MAIN (to you?) five years ago. That would have been right before she graduated the fire academy and joined her company. A year before she disappeared, around 194. 

It feels invasive to read the diary of the person whos life you’ve taken over, but you need answers and you don’t have a lot of options here. 

I can’t believe Fuyuki gave me a diary! That’s so lame, and super girly. I don’t really want to write in it, but she gave it to me so I guess I should? Even if I am kinda mad at her. She left to go to school years ago and she never comes home! She’s so mean but then she’s nice and its so frustrating! Not fair. Stupid sister. 

But i’ll try i guess. There’s not much else to do in the house. None of the other kids really wanna play with me, and the Yagi’s are busy watching the littler kids. And maybe i’ll have kids and their kids will have kids will have kids will have kids and i’ll be their super cool ancestor and they’ll read this for inspiration or something. 

Good god, how old were they when they started writing this? Twelve? How old even were you? 

Fuck it. 

You kept reading. They/you weren’t a regular writer, with long months going between entries. Some of them were sad, some of them were happy, most of them were angry. They had a lot of complicated feelings on the sister who had abandoned them to what was basically a group home outside Asakusa, and then bitterness at themselves for being so angry when she disappeared. But most of it wasn’t that useful. It was about grades and teachers, and grief. They got into a lot of fights, and they were something of a scrapper. They were briefly enrolled in martial arts classes, but they had to quit because they were too rough with the other kids. So they were a scrapper, but that wasn’t anything related to fire. 

You rubbed your temples and glared at the diary. How did it answer your questions but leave you with more? 

Why is this my life now? 

So much here didn’t make sense, nonetheleast the fact that you were here to begin with. Well. At least you finally knew what your pyrokinesis was right? Even if using it was nearly impossible, and you couldn’t make sense of everything. 

Of course, there were plenty of things in this world that didn’t make sense. Like how sound could turn fire into ice. 

Bringing back the dead made more sense than that! 

You cross your arms and glare at the diary. So far the only useful bit is the part where you’ve had some decent training. Everything else is just the most vague information about the investigation into her sister’s disappearance. That much you already knew, although you didn’t have time to read everything in it. There were big gaps that you just knew were holding important information! 

At a loss, you flipped to the very last written on page, halfway through, and froze. 

Staring back at you was your own face. A small picture. It was your resume for the squad assignments, with your own check boxes and preferences listed. Underneath it was the list you had written before, of Everything You Knew. It was short, with little screen caps here and there. You flipped the page and found it filling itself in with ink that didn’t come from a pen, finishing up what it started on the page before. 

A new page started, this one listed your stats. 

In game there were a hundred levels. You had gotten maybe halfway through? A third if you rounded down. And it listed your level at 40. Underneath had your attack power, defense, stamina, agility, and your special moves. 

You were weirdly well rounded. Three out of five bars for everything, except the SM, which only had one. 

But, you hadn’t put that there! 

You quickly flipped it back and forth before you went to the very, very last page in the diary. On the back cover the ink finally finished filling out. A progress bar. 

You stared at it for a long, long time, trying to work over everything was happening. 

So. 

Now you knew what you could do. Just not how to do it. 

You were out of options at this point. You were just going to have to suck it up. 

You were going to have to ask someone for help directly. 

 ~

Shinra looks up from his work when you plop into the seat across from him, your arms crossed across your chest. It would be a lie to say you’re not nervous. You’re not even totally sure how you’re supposed to ask these questions, but you don’t have any other way to go about this any more. 

You tried the diary. You’ve spent two and a half days trying to get your ignition ability to work without help. Admittedly, you hadn’t even know how your ability was meant to manifest at the time, but even now you can’t get it to work.  

“Oh, hey there,” Shinra offers you an awkward smile. You grin right back, trying to project as much happy-go-lucky-nothing-wrong-here-!-  as you can. It’s made easier by the fact that prior to a few days ago, no one here had known you as anything more than a passing acquaintance. 

“Hi Shinra. I’ve got a weird question for you,” you announce bluntly. 

Shinra looks a little more wary, and he’s starting to smile. 

“Oh yeah? What is it?” 

“Ah, it’s pretty simple actually. How do you activate your abilities?” 

“Huh?” 

“How do you-” 

“No, I heard you,” he holds up his hand to cup you off. “It’s just a weird question.” 

“Hey man, I told you it was gonna be one.” 

You stare at each other for a long minute before Shinra huffs and looks towards the ceiling. He might not be the best person to ask. Maybe you should ask Maki, but Shinra makes you feel secure and you trust him more than anyone else just yet. 

“How do I activate my abilities? I dunno. I guess for me it’s more like I have to turn it off.” 

You tilt your head, listening intently to Shinra. 

“When I was a kid… I had a hard time controlling my flames. They started up suddenly, and burned through my shoes and pants. I ended up wearing these extinguisher boots, and shorts, so I wouldn’t destroy everything around me. It took a long time to figure out what was going on, but someone finally explained it to me. For a lot of third generation pyrokinetics, the thing that triggers out ability is the memory of the first time they happened.” 

You falter. “But, wait. Didn’t yours activate when-” 

“Yeah,” he cuts in, shooting you a grin that’s anything but happy. Your heart clenches in your chest. 

“Oh god, Shinra…” That meant that every time he used his powers, he had to remember his mother’s ‘death’ and his brother's disappearance. He had to think of pain and fear and grief, and he used his flames so often-

“It’s okay,” he cuts in. You can’t imagine what kind of face you’re making. “It was painful at first, and it still is, but it’s a good reminder for what I’m fighting for, and why I’m working so hard towards that goal. I will find a way to stop human combustion. I will make sure no one else ever has to grieve the way I did.”  

“Shinra,” you say softly. “You really are something.” 

Shinra tries to shrug off your words, but his smile is a little more genuine. “I just wanna be a hero.” 

“You will be,” you promise him. It’s all you can do not to tell him the truth then and there. His mother is alive, and suffering. His brother is alive, and suffering. 

They need help. 

But you hold your tongue. You don’t have any way of proving it to him, and there’s already so many things that are different here than they were in the game, or the show. Your presence being one of them. 

You let out a breath. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up something so painful.” 

Shinra shakes his head. “What made you ask?” 

“Honestly?” you rubbed the back of your neck, “I’ve been having trouble using my abilities since we left the academy. I thought maybe if I asked you how you do it, I might be able to figure it out.” 

Shinra looks startled. “Really? I guess that explains why you haven’t used them in the last few days. You never really held back when we were training.” 

“Sorry to disappoint?” you offer lamely. “I just can’t figure it out.” 

“Well… Have you thought about when you first activated your powers?” 

“That’s just it,” you say sadly. “I don’t remember when it happened at all. So that’s not really an option for me.” 

“Oh.” 

You frown, and draw in on yourself. You can’t help it. You have no way to activate the powers you now know you have, and you’re in a bad place to be powerless in general. Not to mention these people are going to expect you to help, and you can’t help, and if you can’t help then- 

Shinra’s hands land on your shoulders, startling you. It’s a warm touch, one that sinks into you with comfort and kindness. Shinra looks seriously at you, his red eyes bright and intent. 

“Whatever happens, I know you’ll figure it out, and I’ll help you as much as I can. Even if I have to protect you in missions for now. So put your trust in me for now, okay?” 

Your heart thumps hard in your chest and heat spreads through your body. It grows hotter and hotter, centering somewhere in your chest and your back. 

Light blooms behind you and you barely turn your head to see a flicker of white fire over your shoulders, wings stretching over your back. They’re small, going no further down than you’re elbows and no further up than your jaw, pale and white and glowing. 

You recognize the feeling in your chest with a start. 

It’s care. Friendship. You want to help them. You want to fight for them and earn and keep their trust. The flickering embers of love bloom into a fire across your shoulders and flutter with undistinguished feather’s. 

~ ~

A/N So! Phoenix is my favorite power, but everyone else seemed inclined towards the Sun Lance, so I smashed them both together!

If you’re so inclined, let me know what you think :D

[captainkirkmccoy]

It seems that wherever Leonard McCoy turns, Jim Kirk is there. 

He’s doing a short temp shift at the library--he needs the extra credits stat--when Jim shows up at the reference desk, a pile of actual books nearly blocking his face. 

He ignores the books--that’s the rare item librarian’s job and goes back to checking in the holo texts. “Don’t you have class or admirals to annoy?”

“I already stopped by Archer’s. Did you know his beagle had puppies?”

“You need to talk to L’tan if you want to check those out.” Leonard tells him. 

“These are mine.” Jim’s almost constant open expression morphs into one of mock offense. 

“Huh.” McCoy submits a few late charges for holos not turned in on time and sits back, happy to have finished before the end of his shift. “Let me guess? The karma sutra and Vulcan mating ritual guide?”

“No, smartass.” 

Jim slides a book across the desk. It’s in good condition, with a protective wrapping around the hardcover, another surprise, and not a book on sex or eroticism. 

“The House In The Cerulean Sea?” 

“Seriously, one of the best books to come out of 21st century Terran literature. Followed closely--and by the same publisher!--” Jim slides another book. 

“Gideon the Ninth?”

“Really fucking incredible. I’m writing a whole paper on it for a class right now on 21st Century Terran literature with a focus set in space.” At Leonard’s eyebrow lift, Jim shrugs. “It’s an elective.”

“And you’re showing them to me why?”

Jim makes a face at him, like a puppy denied a treat. 

“Thought you might be interested. Never mind!”

Before he can say anything, he swipes the books, nearly dropping a few in the process and walks off. He leaves Gideon the Ninth. McCoy curses. 

***

Two days later and he’s accosted by Gaila as he’s drinking shitty replicator coffee and the saddest cinnamon roll he’s ever tried to digest. 

“Hello Leonard.” She says, stealing a chair across for him like they have a standing lunch.

“Hello, Gaila.”

He picks at the cinnamon roll before giving up entirely. 

“You hurt his feelings.”

Leonard isn’t dumb, so of course he knows who she’s talking about. “Jim Kirk has more feelings than a Vulcan on opposite day.”

“He likes you.”

Leonard sputters on his tepid coffee. “We’re not in second grade, Gaila!”

“James is an awkward bean, Leonard. He is used to waggling his eyebrows for sex and if you’re well--you, that doesn’t seem to work.”

He considers this. “I thought he was having a fit.”

“And, he doesn’t just want sex from you. He wants friendship. More than that. You’re the first person--besides me and Captain Pike, of course, who doesn’t look at him and see his father, for better or worse.”

“The kid’s never around for me to really get to know. And when he does show up--I’m kind of busy.” Leonard admits. He shows up at all of Leonard’s shifts--the clinic with a broken nose, Admiral Archer’s office with random questions, the cafeteria when he doesn’t eat anything, his library shift--

“The books?”

“Do you know we met when he gave me a book--an Orion book of poetry, one of his favorites. It was the first physical thing I had of home since leaving.”

She looks over his shoulder for a moment, eyes tracking a memory but then she blinks, focusing back on Leonard. 

“His Orion is a little rusty but we spent hours talking about it. It was lovely.” She smiles, content at this new memory, rewriting the one from before.\

He drums his hands on the table, thinking. “Okay.”

“You know what you need to do, yes?” Gaila says. 

He does.

****

It takes him five hours, six bookstores and antique shops and one shady, alley dealing to find what he’s looking for. 

And then another two hours, one embarrassing conversation with Archer’s assistant and getting lost in the Academy’s underground tunnels before he finds Jim. 

“Sit! Sit. No, thank you for the kisses but no. Sit!”

The small basement space that was once a bunker for admirals in early Starfleet days now looks like a puppy daycare. 

A long blue plastic tunnel bisects the space, with small hoops and a slide. In a pen sits Jim and around Jim are squirmy, tiny beagle puppies. 

“Is this your repayment to Archer for making his last assistant quit?” Leonard asks. 

Jim leans his head back to look at him upside down. A puppy takes this opportunity to bounce and Jim finds himself attacked by the cutest beagle army Starfleet has ever seen. Leonard is not as coldhearted as he thinks and reaches down to take one adorable puppy who yawns in Leonard’s face and then licks his chin.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” McCoy gestures to a bag he abandoned on the floor. “You forgot Gideon the Ninth.”

“Nah, you can keep it.” Jim tosses a training toy to the corner of the pen and the puppies fall over themselves to get to it. 

“I can keep a 300 year old Terran book in pristine condition?”

“Just thought you might like it.”

Leonard rolls his eyes but can’t help but grinning. “Sorry bud.” He tells the puppy and puts him down among his litter-mates before reaching into the bag to pull out his offering. 

He hands it to Jim. 

“Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in Vulcan. Bones, are you shitting me right now?”

“I am not.” Leonard doesn’t even try to hide his grin. He needs to send Gaila a thank you as soon as possible. 

“And, holllllly shit, it’s signed by the translator.” 

Jim is up and out of the pen, crashing him with a hug. 

“My dad used to read me this book when I was a kid. Figured you could use a challenge.”

“Thank you.” Jim says, clutching the book to his chest like it was a missing piece of himself he didn’t know he had forgotten. 

It doesn’t take them long after to become inseparable. They spend time down in the agility room with the puppies, reading to each other from their favorite books, spending free weekends tracking down obscure copies in bookstores along the coast. And it becomes a tradition on their anniversary. Bones--he becomes Bones pretty quickly--even proposes to Jim with a book, their love language becoming the physical print of words, the musky pages preserved over generations, a reminder of their beginning.

                                                         ***

For @brevityis, who asked for fluff. 

[empteygold]

Clockwork (1)

Summary: It was just like any other Sunday, you were on your way out to meet your two best friends for coffee. It’s been a tradition ever since you all began high school. Now you’re all graduated and your two best friends have officially become pro hero’s. You on the other hand, just lived a regular life as you were quirkless, or so you had thought.

Genre: Angst with a little fluff. It’s not much but things will progress as this fic goes on

Cw: Cursing, talks of depression

Notes: Hi guys, thanks for reading, this is the first fic i have written and the first time in a long time since i have written anything. I have plans for this fic and it will evolve so i hope you stat tuned. 

The warm sunlight peeking through your window slowly awoke you from your slumber. You had spent all night tossing and turning. Once you had finally fallen asleep, the sweet bliss was snatched away from you. As a child you remember having recurring nightmares, and now those nightmares were starting to resurface. You weren’t sure as of why they were coming back, since it has been many years since you’ve experienced any form of dreaming. 

Not being able to fall back to sleep, you slowly took your time and finally managed to get out of bed. You reached for an oversized hoodie, one you had stolen from your childhood best friend years ago. It gave you comfort. You remember how when you first got it, it smelled like smoke and sweat. It was all he had on him, but you were cold, so he did what he could do. You never gave it back.

 As you got up you made your way to the restroom fuzzily trying to remember your dreams last night. You couldn’t quite shake the feeling of the agonizing pit in your stomach. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but your nightmare had felt so realistic. It gave you a sense of déjà vu, like you have been here many times before. It felt familiar and warm, but it also made you sick to your stomach. 

You decided to hop in the shower, trying your hardest to push down these feelings. You set the water to an almost boiling temperature thinking it would help. As you stood in the shower crying you suddenly remembered, it was Sunday. Suddenly you felt that ache slowly go away, and you felt a little more at ease. Every Sunday you had a tradition of meeting your two best friends whom you have known the entirety of your life. While you may have known each other longer than you can actually remember, you didn’t actually decide to start this tradition until you started high school.

******

You, Izuku, and Bakugo were completely inseparable up until you all started high school. Both Bakugo and Izuku had gotten into UA, the best school to become a pro-hero. However, you just went to a plain old high school, as you never inherited a quirk of your own. As children you and Izuku had a closer relationship than the one between you and Bakugo. Two best friends basically conjoined at the hip. Izuku was also quirk-less at the time. You all thought he would never get one and that’s how you stayed so close. Two quirk-less best friends. 

Bakugo got his explosion quirk young and spent more time with kids who had quirks. Izuku was always hell bent on becoming a hero even without a quirk of his own. The day Izuku received his quirk you and Bakugo were in complete and udder shock. You weren’t surprised though, you had a gut wrenching feeling that a quirk would arise in him someday. The boys were concerned about you making sure you were okay as you still didn’t have a quirk. You were very content with not having one, and it never really crossed your mind on what you would do if you had ever gotten one. 

You never considered yourself a bad person, but you didn’t considerer yourself a good one either. Saving people in a heroic way seemed distasteful to you. The only downside of not having a quirk of your own meant not being able to see your beloved best friends as much as you would have liked. Hero training and regular study courses at UA made things very chaotic and hectic for the boys. There was little time for you, and you slowly began to fade from their life’s. During this time period, you had struggled with some major personal issues and not being able to see your friends and have someone to vent to made you spiral into an overwhelming depression.

  It had been months since you’ve seen the boys, Bakugo was home for fall vacation and Izuku was out somewhere doing something you weren’t too sure of at the time. Bakugo had called you up and it was so nice to hear his voice. It was low and stoic instead of chaotic how it usually was. When you picked up he could immediately tell something was bothering you and asked if you were free to hangout. 

You met Bakugo at a café in town that was in the middle of UA and your academy. It was a Sunday morning, there was a crisp breeze and leaving of different colors falling around you. The walk was somber your mind kept wandering not being able to control your feelings or thoughts. You kept picking at your scarf as you were over thinking. As you got closer to the café the smell of freshly roasted coffee beans and sweet pastries calmed you down.

 Once you entered the café you immediately saw Bakugo. He looked nervous for some reason, but his expression changed immediately once his eyes met yours. “What’s with that face Kacchan?” you smirked with a flirty tone. ‘Well good morning to you too dumbass. If you must know, I’m just happy to see you.” Bakugo was only sweet when it came to you, he would never let anyone see him like this. Not even Izuku. While you could tell his feeling were genuine you felt as if he was hiding something. “I didn’t order yet, I don’t exactly know what you like.” He mumbled in a soft tone. 

You ordered something new, something you saw one of your favorite American celebrity order in an movie you had to watch for a school project. “I’ll have an oat milk latte with vanilla and hazelnut please.”  Bakugo looked at you with a slightly confused face. “I’ll have that too I guess” he stated. You knew Bakugo too well and knew he wouldn’t like it. “Actually, just give him an Americano with vanilla and hazelnut” you smirked back at him “Trust me.” Bakugo was quite impressed with your drink choice even though he didn’t admit it, you could see the smile after his first sip.

  You spent the next couple hours catching up, as you realized the time you informed him how you needing to get going. Even though it was fall break you had multiple assignments to catch up on as you were basically failing every single one of your classes. You tended to procrastinate as it was Sunday you had to finish it all by tonight. Bakugo was very displeased in hearing this as he is a top student and knew how much potential you really had.

 Upon hearing about what has been going on in your life and how you aren’t doing well in school he decided then and there that every Sunday he would make time for you. He would meet you in this café and he would check on your studies, and even help tutor you. He felt so guilty for not having spent time with you. As he was telling you his plan for the next coming Sunday his little surprised came and plopped down right beside you. “DEKU” you just about cried seeing your two favorite boys together again. Kacchan went ahead and told him his plan and Deku insisted he come along every Sunday as well. Three best friends back together again, and that’s how your Sunday traditions began.

******

After a long-deserved shower, you made your way to your closet, while you knew it was Sunday and the plans to meet with friends was already set in motion, you couldn’t be bothered to put on anything to fancy. Your body still ached from the night before. The fumbling in bed and the jerk of your body as you came pummeling down from your nightmares really put a strain on your body and mind.

 A simple pair of leggings and Kacchan’s oversized hoodie seemed to be just fine. Making your way through your apartment, the coldness of the floor made you shiver. As you went back into the restroom to finish getting ready, the image in the mirror startled you. It’s been years since you’ve felt like this. The nightmares bringing up repressed memories and feelings you’ve buried long ago. 

The bags under your eyes seem darker than normal and it doesn’t seem like a cup of coffee can help you fix this one. You looked back at your reflection, disappointed in what was looking back and sighed “I swear we’ve been here before, and you can’t go back to feeling like this. Pull yourself together. If not for yourself do it for Bakugo, you know he wouldn’t want to see you like this.” With a little self-deprecation and your pep talk you managed to get ready for the day.

 You’re usually known to wear bold eye looks but today you went with something a little softer. A muted brown Smokey eye with a sharp wing liner. As you made your way to your front door, you put on your favorite pair of combat boots. You wore them everywhere, they were in tatters and barley hanging on by a thread, but you loved them more than anything. Upon leaving you felt a slight breeze graze your face.

*Bzzzz bzzzz* You grab your phone from your pocket and answer “Hello?” you mustered up the nerve to get it out as you were not in the mood to be speaking to anyone right at this moment. Once you heard it was Bakugo you felt more reassured. ‘Hey dumbass, where are you?” You didn’t realize the time and how late you had been running all along. “Oh my god Kacchan I am so sorry, I totally forgot about our plans today” a slight hint of sarcasm rolled of your tongue.  ‘YOU WHAT” it sounded far more disappointing then angry.” Nah I’m just fucking with you dummy, turn around” There he stood, his sadden eyes igniting at your sight. 

This man had the purest crimson red eyes, they matched the fire within in soul.  He was beautiful but in the way forest fires were beautiful. He may be destructive, but he did it in the most alluring way. Bakugo made his way towards you wrapping his arms around your waist, you were never one for personal touch even hugs with people you considered your friends was hard for you. With him you felt comfortable, safe even. There was always an unspoken bond between the two of you, after a certain night back in high school but Bakugo would never make the first move and neither would you. 

You’ve never held on to him so long in your life. He never once complained though, he just held you until you decided to let go. As the hug came to an end he could sense the tenseness in your body. Your eyes didn’t have the same sheen to them as they usually do. Even though you were wearing makeup he could see the puffiness that still remained. A thumb landed on the apple of your check and slowly rubbed circles into it.

 Bakugo let out a small sigh “Oi, I forgot to tell you, Deku won’t be meeting us here today, He’s on a mission and we don’t know when he will be back” A small flash of sadness overcame your face as you would have really enjoyed seeing Izuku, but you understood he had responsibilities as a pro hero. Suddenly your thoughts were interrupted as the barista shouted out your order. You hadn’t realized that Kacchan had already ordered. “Oat milk latte with vanilla and hazelnut and an americano with vanilla and hazelnut for Bakugo and (Y/N).” He was absolutely hooked on that flavor combo since you introduced it to him quite some time ago.

 The Barista knew you all by name as they have been working here just as long as you have been coming to this café. Upon receiving your drinks, you make your way to your favorite booth in the corner. It’s hidden away from everyone, it’s nicely lit, and you can see everything happening around you. You’ve always liked to be aware of your soundings in any situations.

 Bakugo stares at you intensely, you know exactly where this is going. You take in a deep breath and sigh as he continued to ask you if you were alright. At first, you’re very hesitant but with sweaty hands and a quivering lip you look up and speak. “They’re back Kacchan. My nightmares, they’re back.” The amount of shock of his face was agonizing to see, he still remembers how bad they used to get. 

Your nightmares would get to the point where you would call bakugo in the middle of the night screaming and crying because of how real the dreams felt.  On days he could, he would sneak out of UA and come to comfort you. He would stay by your side and hold until you calmed down and slowly drifted back to sleep. It was so utterly heartbreaking for him to see you, his best friend so broken and scared. Some days he wouldn’t be able to sneak out but even then he would facetime you until you fell asleep and would stay on until the sun rose. No one ever knew about this not even Izuku. 

As you and Bakugo grew closer you and Deku started to slowly drift apart. Izuku only really cared about becoming a hero and his new friends. He spent all of his time with them training and even doing all the stuff you used to do. It made you feel thrown aside and unappreciated. Just because you didn’t have a quirk didn’t mean you still couldn’t hang out with him anymore. For someone who went most of his life unnoticed and quirk less you though he would understand how you felt but he really didn’t. Bakugo on the other hand made some new friends and they’re all really great but thankfully he always made time for you.

  Bakugo looks up into your eyes glossed over as tears start to form in the corners, he lays his hands atop yours. (Y/N) are you okay, do you know what triggered them to comeback?” He was quiet, worried about the response you may give him. You stare into his eyes thinking of your response, you didn’t know what to tell him. These nightmares you had were the same as they used to be. He’s already heard what happens. Images and scenes of you and the people you love dying in the most gruesome way. So detailed oriented as if they were memories you had once lived. Recently it has been the same recurring dream but last night, there were minor inconsistencies. 

“They’re the same Kacchan, I keep seeing myself and everyone around me die, but the worst part is how real they feel.” As you explained your most current dream to him you could see him become teary eyed. This was a dream that has made you feel so uneasy. This was a dream you had consistently back when you were younger. It started with you walking down an unfamiliar street in an unfamiliar neighborhood. There was nothing unusual about it. You would always pass a thriving Onigiri shop, A couple dogs on a walk and even pass by the most beautiful flower shop. As you come to an intersection waiting to cross the road when you suddenly trip. You fly head first into oncoming traffic and the way your body id torn apart is appalling.

 While you only tell Bakugo the dream ends with you being hit, you don’t go into graphic detail not wanting to worry him more than you should. The strangest part is it always felt intentional, like someone was trailing you. You always felt eyes on you, and even though you never knew how to explain it you described them to be eyes that stared into your soul. You saw galaxies floating around in those eyes, just like clockworks. You always heard ticking in the back of your mind. Was it a count down? Why was this all you could now think about.

 As your mind came back to the realization you were talking to bakugo he let you know that he will always be there for you and in the end, things would be okay. He tried his hardest for you, but deep down you knew he would never understand. As the morning passes by your usually meeting is cut short as Bakugo was summoned to help out in crime that had gotten out of town downtown. You said your goodbyes and headed your separate ways.

As you headed home you decided to take a new route, a longer way home as you still wanted some time to yourself to reflect on everything happening. The walk was cold, but the sunlight made it bearable. The leaves were changing beautiful colors and were slowly falling. You took in the air around you as autumn was your favorite season of the year. Making your way farther into the neighborhood, you stopped as that heavy and unsettling feeling resurfaced. 

You tried to ignore it but as you made your way farther down the street you stop and stared to the building on coming up your right you notice the sign decomposing and falling apart. “Onigiri….” You were in shock, but the place looks like it’s been shut down for years, abandoned even. You continued on your way, but the unsettling feeling kept growing. You next find yourself in front of a flower shop. The flowers are all dead, and the store window was smashed to shreds. Maybe it was a quirk gone wrong. “This has to be a coincidence” you say to yourself trying to believe your own words.

 Suddenly you see it, someone walking two dogs passing you. You’re in a trance, panicking not understanding what’s happening and why you’re seeing everything you saw in your dreams. Without thinking you start running down the street. For a slight moment you glance back, to make sure no one was trailing you. As soon as you turned around you felt it, someone had pushed you right into oncoming traffic.

 As you look up while you fall you finally see her. A woman with galaxies in her eyes, was that apart of her quirk you wonder as you watch her disappear. As you’re falling you hear the ticking of clocks and see a bus heading for you. “This is it, this is how I die isn’t it?” You slowly begin to sob only wishing you had held on a little tighter to bakugo today. As you fall to the ground you’re stuck looking at the bus like a deer in headlights, when suddenly everything around you comes to a complete stop.

 As you’re heaving and trying to catch your breath you look around for a hero who may have been the cause for what’s happening. You’ve heard of hero’s who can slow objects and time around them for short periods of time but a hero who could stop time completely it was unheard of. There was no one in sight, how could that be you wondered to yourself. As you started getting up you heard the ticking of the clock speeding up, for some reason you knew this meant time would be returning to normal, you made your way back to the sidewalk. 

You stared at awe at the street where you just about died. You were quirk-less all your life, or so you thought.

[threeletterslife]

04 | Illegirl

→ previous | next

→ summary: Excelling in every school subject, acing every math test and conquering the academic world is something you do as easily as breathing. As your residential social outcast nerd, you live rather as a recluse, talking to almost no one except for your dear ol’ cousin and that sweet boy in a few of your classes—Jungkook? was that his name? Befriending your ʰᵒᵗ AP stats teacher was the last thing on your high school senior agenda…

→ genre: 90% fluff, 8% crack, 2% angst | teacher!au & f2l!au

→ warnings: profanity again, mentions of depression and physical abuse, mentions of sharing a bed (because jimin is freaky) & pretty bad pms-ing

→ wordcount: 7.4k

You walk into Jimin's classroom, as usual, setting down your backpack as you prepare to wait for a couple of hours for your teacher to finish grading tests.

"Hey, Y/N," Jimin says as you sit down at your desk. He grins happily at you. "I actually finished grading everything for once, so I was thinking we could go and grab something to drink. It's my treat since I feel bad for always making you wait after school for me."

"Really?" you say, excited. "Then can we go to that new coffee shop? Wattbucks was it? It's a bit far from here, but I hope that's fine."

You had purposely suggested a place far away from your school, afraid of any of your peers seeing you grab a drink with your teacher. That would surely raise some suspicion to gossipy, hormonal teenagers.

Jimin nods to your relief. "Yeah, I think it was called Wattbucks. Let's go, I could use a good latte."

"I'm gonna totally tease Jin. He's always wanted to learn latte art," you laugh as you get up from your seat and swing your backpack over your shoulder.

Your friend laughs as he opens the classroom door for you to get out first. "I'm not surprised. That cousin of yours loves anything food-related. I think that's where you got it, Y/N the hog."

You slap his shoulder.

After spending more time picking a drink than you spend taking your math tests, you finally decide on a cute aesthetic one that claims to come with a heart latte art.

"I'll have the same as her," Jimin tells the barista.

"Copycat," you murmur as your teacher pays for the drinks.

"Am not," Jimin murmurs back as both of you choose a nice, warm seat in the corner of the cafe. "I wanted the heart-shaped latte too! You just ordered first."

You roll your eyes dramatically. "Fine, fine," you sigh as you adjust your seat on the plush cushion set beneath you. "This place is so nice."

"Does Jin not take you out often?" Jimin asks as he stretches back comfortably. "I should take you to WattDonald's sometime—it has a nicer interior design."

"No, he insists eating at home is much healthier or some shit," you sigh, then you frown, processing the other half of Jimin's words. "Wait, are you telling me you literally judge cafes by their interior design?" you ask.

"Why not?"

"I don't know... because you go to cafes to eat? Not see?" you say sarcastically.

Jimin laughs. "If you're going to eat, might as well eat someplace nice, right?"

You snort. "I'm no queen. I can eat in a dumpster and still be happy that I'm eating," you remark.

"Y/N the hog," Jimin whispers, grinning mischievously at you.

"Hey!" you shout, slamming your hands on the table.

Jimin only laughs. "Calm down!" he says between his laughter. "I was joking!"

You're still seething when a waitress practically skips over and hands you and Jimin your matching drinks.

Immediately you forget your dispute with Jimin as your eyes turn wide in wonder. "Oh, it's so pretty!" you coo at the drink. The cream-colored coffee cup to the elegant heart etched into the foam—it was all so beautiful.

Jimin nods, admiring his drink as well.

"Jin's going to die when I send him a picture of this!" you say as you fish out your phone and start to snap pictures of the rather photogenic cup of latte.

It doesn't take long before Jimin starts to photobomb, making silly faces in the background of your aesthetic pictures. "Jimin!" you whine. "Jokes on you, I'm sending the ugliest picture of you with the latte to Jin!"

Jimin shrugs. "As long as Jin doesn't post it, I'm fine."

"I'll tell him to," you say, evilly.

"My best friend wouldn't betray me like that."

"My favorite cousin wouldn't betray me like either," you say. "He'll post it!"

You quickly text Jin the picture.

You look up from your phone to see Jimin talking to the waitress.

"Yes! We've been dating for three years now," Jimin says, suddenly putting an arm around you.

"Wha—" you say, shocked out of your mind. Was he drunk again? But drunk from a latte? Was that even scientifically possible?

"Thank you so much for offering us a free couple's mini cake," Jimin tells the waiter, squeezing your shoulder.

OhhhHhhHh. You catch on. You want that complimentary cake.

You nod. "Three years strong!" you giggle.

"Oh, how adorable!" the waitress squeals, "I'll get you two the cake! Would you like a photo afterward? Even your lattes match!"

"Yes please," you say. "My cousin would want to see a picture of us."

Jimin nods, catching on. "Jin, that rascal. I've always told him to find a girl of his own."

The waitress laughs. "Oh, how adorable!" she repeats, "I'll get the mini cake!" And with that, she disappears into the kitchen.

You start to laugh. "Jimin, what the hell?"

"What? Free food!" his whispers in your ear.

You forget his arm was around you until he takes it away, the warm imprint still hovering over you.

The waitress comes back in a flash, holding a small, aesthetically pleasing cake. She places it smack in the middle of the table, as Jimin snakes his arm around your waist to play couple again.

You hand the waitress your phone, which she gladly takes. "Keep posing!" she says as she starts to snap photos repeatedly.

You and Jimin rotate from smiling to silly faces to pouty faces, but the waitress just won't stop with the pictures. Finally, she pauses, putting your phone down a bit.

"Only your faces look different, move your bodies!" she urges. "Kiss! It'll look adorable!"

You and Jimin give each other looks.

Oh shit.

"Oh no, we're completely fine," Jimin says as you nod in agreement.

The waitress scrunches her eyebrows. "A couple, huh?" she says. That's when it occurs to you that now you two are a suspicious couple.

Okay, but since when did couples have to kiss on demand??

"Let's just do it for the picture, Jimin," you say.

Jimin whirls on you, giving you a panicked look, but he quickly replaces it with a smile, nodding. "Okay Y/N, whatever you say."

"Adorable!" the waitress squeals.

You're starting to think this woman is the most annoying person ever.

With a bit of hesitation, you and Jimin turn to each other, Jimin cupping your face with his warm hands as you naturally sling your arms around his shoulders. He doesn't even look nervous as he habitually licks his full lips. You, on the other hand, knew you are beet red and you look a bit nervous as you both lean into each other, lips inching closer and closer. This just reminds you of the first time you'd kissed your teacher...

No, Y/N!

You almost feel bad, wondering if Jimin actually thought you'd kiss him. With only an inch to spare before your lips would meet, you jump back, laughing.

"Jiminie!" you whine. "Your breath stinks!"

"It does not!" Jimin shouts defensively before realizing your save. "Okay fine, I forgot my mint today."

The waitress laughs. "Even more adorable!" she says, not even suspecting a thing. "I took a picture of you two just about to kiss though!"

"Let me guess," you say. "It's adorable."

The annoying waitress nods. "How'd you guess?" she says as she happily hands back your phone.

"I had a hunch," you reply.

"Okay, well, I'll leave you two to finish up your adorable date!" the waitress sings as she practically skips away.

You turn to Jimin. "That's a fuckload of trouble you almost got us in, Jiminie," you say.

Your teacher laughs. "The save of the century brought to you by Y/N," he jokes. "God, I almost thought we had to reenact that time I was dru—"

"Oh shut up," you say, nudging Jimin, feeling your face turn red. "That was not appropriate."

"Whatever," Jimin chuckles. "Now what are you going to do with those couple photos we just took?" he teases. "Blackmail me?"

You perk up. "Wow, that's actually a good idea," you tease back. "I'll keep them—you know, for memories."

"Good idea."

"And maybe send them to Jin."

"Goddammit," you breathe as you stand helplessly outside your house. Jimin had just dropped you off and you were pretty sure he had driven away by now. You were screwed. Being your dumb self, you had forgotten your house keys and now you were locked out of the house. "Shit," you breathe. "This is just swell."

"Everything all right?" a familiar voice calls from behind. You whirl around, surprised to see Jimin watching you from his car.

"What are you still doing here?" you ask, frowning slightly as you start to walk up to your teacher's car.

"I always watch until you're inside your house," Jimin says, "just in case something were to happen. I thought you knew."

"Uh, no," you say, your brows creasing.

"Well, now you do." Jimin shrugs, quickly changing the topic. "Now what's the problem?"

You sigh, rolling your eyes at yourself. "Being the dumbass that I am, I locked myself out of my house."

Jimin chuckles, his eyes scrunching up cutely as usual. "Wow, I can't believe you're my best student. Get in the car, I guess you can stay at my house."

You freeze. "Uh, you sure?" you say. "Won't I bother you or something?"

But it was more like: Holy fuck am I really going to consider staying over at my teacher's house?? These days, other girls in your grade were busy staying over at guys' houses that were in their age range doing who knows what. You? Not so much.

"Nah, you won't be a bother," Jimin says surely. "It's always nice to have company."

As genuine as your friend sounds, you're still a bit skeptical. After all, it is your teacher's house... Mentally, you thank God that it's Friday. You don't want to imagine the awkwardness if you went to school the next day in the same clothes as before, all the while pulling up in Jimin's car. You shudder slightly at the thought.

But you also kinda have no choice.

"Okay... then," you say hesitantly as Jimin smiles and reaches over to open the car door for you. You clumsily climb back into his car. "Thanks, uh, I guess."

It feels a bit weird at first to step foot into Jimin's house. It's rather larger than you've imagined a teacher's house to be, but you can still tell that it's a cozy place.

"Make yourself at home," Jimin says, gesturing towards his commodious abode. "You can take the bed later, I'll sleep on the couch."

You nod. "Uh, yeah, thanks."

Goddammit. Is it just me or is this fucking awkward?

"Hey, do you usually cook?" you ask, hoping to brush off some awkwardness.

"Not really. I get takeout," Jimin answers. "But I think I have ramen somewhere if you don't wanna go out."

"Ooh, yes!" you say, never a girl to pass up ramen, or food in general. "It's just that... I don't really know how to cook it. When Jin said I can't cook for shit, he meant it," you confide, shrugging.

Jimin shrugs too. "Me neither. But how hard can it be?"

Your jaw drops. "Maybe we should get takeout then. I don't want to burn your house down or something," you say as Jimin makes his way to his spacy kitchen.

"Nah," your teacher answers as he rummages through his kitchen cabinets and fishes out two packs of ramen. "Like I said, how hard can it be?" Instinctively, Jimin rips both packs open, takes out the important contents and tosses the bags away.

"Shouldn't we use the directions you just trashed?" you ask, crossing your arms over your chest and frowning.

"It's fine, Y/N," Jimin says, waving his hand. "It's just ramen, how hard can it be?" Your teacher pulls out a large pot and fills it three-quarters with water. "Do you think this is enough?"

You squint at the water sloshing again the pot, scrutinizing the amount. "I dunno. Maybe you should put a bit more just in case. More doesn't hurt, right?"

"Right." Jimin fills the pot with water to the brim. "I think this is alright."

You nod. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure I've seen Jin boil the water first."

"Do you know how long he boils it?" Jimin asks as he places the pot on the stove and turns it on in one swift move.

"Not really... But I remember he told me once you need bubbles in the water," you reply as you examine the water carefully.

"Like this?" Jimin asks as he cautiously points at minuscule bubbles forming around the ring of the pot.

You squint. "Those are some tiny-ass bubbles. But they're bubbles nonetheless," you say, chuckling slightly.

"See? I told you. This is easy," Jimin chuckles. "And fast," he adds. "Now we add in the ramen."

"Yup," you say. "Logically, we should let it cook for a while."

"So... thirty minutes?"

"Exactly what I was thinking."

But thirty minutes later, something didn't look quite right.

"Um, Jimin, is the water supposed to spill out from the sides?" you inquire, tapping your teacher's shoulder.

"No, shit, Y/N!" Jimin screams, as he dashes over to the overflowing pot and starts an attempt to turn the fire off. However, that was definitely not a good idea, especially since the steaming water was pouring down on the sides of the pot. "Ah, fuck!" your teacher shouts. "That's hot!" Jimin waves his red hand away.

"God, Jimin, you okay?" you shriek as you rush over and get a rag to safely turn the stove off.

"Yeah. Yeah," Jimin brushes your question off, covering his hurt hand with his good one.

"Get some ice," you say as you try to fan away the smoke that was now making its way up to the smoke detectors. "Ah, shit," you say, just as the fire alarm goes off.

Jimin, icing his bright red hand falls to the floor in frustration as the annoying alarm makes an atrocious racket.

Fuck my life.

"Don't just sit there! Help me open the windows!" you scream at your teacher as you jump around the house, opening every window and every door you spy. Soon, Jimin's sprinting around with you, helping you with the task.

Several minutes later, the blasted fire alarm stops beeping. You and Jimin collapse on the floor side by side, breathing hard and looking dazed.

"We are never cooking again," you sigh, rubbing your forehead. "How's your hand?" you ask your teacher, looking over at him.

"Nothing that'll scar," Jimin says, rubbing ice on his hand. "God, I didn't know cooking ramen would actually be hard. I'm sorry."

You laugh. "No hard feelings. It wasn't your fault."

"Technically, it's a good thing all of this happened because I think I bought that ramen a decade ago," Jimin chuckles. "Things could've been worse if we ate that."

"You what?!"

Jimin laughs heartily. "It was all back when I thought I was going to cook for myself," he explains shortly. He suddenly turns to you, grinning. "So... for dinner, I was thinking Plan B. Pizza?"

"Pizza," you agree, smiling.

Munching on pizza slices and drinking diet coke, you and Jimin were sitting on the living room sofa, sharing small stories with each other.

"My parents totally did not want me to be a teacher," Jimin says. "I graduated from one of the top three colleges so they thought it was a waste for me to teach a bunch of teenagers."

"Should I be offended?" you chuckle. "But you seem to really like math and teaching in general. I think your job fits you."

Jimin grins at you. "Really?"

"Mhm. Besides, you have a perfect life, don't you? Parents, friends, best friends..."

Jimin raises his eyebrows. "And you don't? Good grades, caring cousin, amazing teacher..." He wiggles his eyebrows. "Perfect life," he purrs.

But you don't laugh and instead shake your head. "No, you don't understand," you bite out. Maybe a bit harshly—which you hadn't intended.

Jimin looks at you, startled from your sudden change in tone. "Woah, there, sorry," he quickly apologizes.

His sincerity immediately makes you feel bad and you sigh, shaking your head. "No, you shouldn't be apologizing," you say. "I... I just get extra moody when it comes to this."

"But aren't you always moody?" Jimin pokes fun at you as you shove him to the side. "Sorry, sorry!" Jimin squeaks as you shove him again. But as soon as he gains his straight posture back and looks over at you, you can tell he became serious. "Hey, Y/N, if you need to vent to me, I'm here to listen," he says.

You raise your eyebrows. "Who says I need to vent?"

"Your mood swings tell me everything." Jimin shrugs.

"You—"

"Y/N, I'm here to listen, not judge. You can trust me," Jimin interrupts, his voice convincingly soothing.

Goddammit, Jimin.

You sigh, rubbing your forehead. "Can I trust you?"

"You need me to trust you," Jimin answers. "Besides, hasn't anyone told you it's healthy to vent?"

You let out a rather aggressive sigh. "Fine."

"I'll be a great listener, I promise!" your teacher says as he snuggles into his couch, looking expectantly at you.

"Uh," you say, unsure of where to start. "Okay, lemme think, the school lunch is just plain nasty, students need to stop smoking in the bathroom and teachers need to stop giving tests on the same fucking day," you finish proudly.

Jimin laughs. "No way."

"No way, what?"

"You're so not moody because of those dumb reasons," your teacher accuses.

You frown. "And how would you know?"

"C'mon, those reasons are just stupid, Y/N!" Jimin laughs. "You've always been the worst at making up excuses. What's the real deal?"

You groan. "I'm so embarrassed," you mutter. "I don't even know where to start."

"Start wherever's comfortable," your teacher says in a coaxing voice. "No need to be embarrassed. I won't judge, I promise."

"I dunno, Jimin," you say.

"Have you told Jin your problem?" Jimin asks.

"Well, of course. He's literally involved in it," you say.

"And does Jin judge you for your problems?" Jimin inquires.

"Well, no—"

"Then I'll obviously do the same," your teacher answers. "I'll be another person in your life that will care to listen. Now, continue."

You slowly digest his words, taking in each meaning. Then, you hesitantly nod. "I guess... my problem isn't really much about school," you confess. "I think I use the school to distract myself from my problems." You pause, turning your head to look at Jimin, his face inches away from yours.

He stares back at you, his wide, chocolate eyes softening. His eyes tell you to continue.

"Um," you mutter. "Jin's the only good family I have at the moment," you say slowly, choosing your words wisely in your head. You pause again, looking towards your teacher but he's silent, his full attention on you and your story, so you continue.

You sigh deeply. "Maybe several years ago I had a lot of friends," you say. "I remember I was pretty damn popular too..." you trail off. "And honestly, I was really happy in the beginning, you know, being the center of attention and all... but I guess things changed and I realized... I-I was too different from my friends." You awkwardly shift your position on the couch and pause, choosing your next words carefully. "My friends were close to their families."

Jimin shifts up, crossing his legs and leaning forward to listen more intently. You take that as a sign to continue on once more.

"I guess I never really had a family, as cliche as that sounds. I mean, I had a mom and a dad, but what's the use of having them if they neglect me?" you say slowly. "I was never told that I was loved... I was misunderstood, misjudged. I dunno, this sounds so dumb and non-original," you sigh.

"Hey," Jimin says softly. "No problem you have is dumb. No problem is cliché." He puts a soft hand over yours; and it's not a gesture to seduce you, no, it's the complete opposite—it's a calming gesture, a supportive one, telling you to trust him with your past.

You nod gratefully. "You know, I've always hated the way young adult novels always portrayed family problems. They do it just so they hide the worst part of it—the yelling, the name-calling... Then the protagonist always meets the guy that seems to solve all of her problems and totally end up romanticizing pain and depression..." you trail off and take a deep breath. "Anyways, back then, I didn't even have anyone to vent to. I didn't have Jin, or you. I could never get my friends to understand either. Besides, when I'd tell them about how my mom would verbally abuse me, or when my dad would physically abuse me, they'd compare my pain with their little first world problems."

Jimin rubs small circles on your hand. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

You shrug, giving your teacher a weak smile. "I'm okay now, I promise. But back then I obviously wasn't. I remember one of my so-called friends complaining about how their mother didn't buy them the white wattPhone X and got them the black one instead or some kind of shit right after I poured my heart out about my family situation. And I dunno, something about people not seeming to care about me and my struggles just made me build up my own stress and anxiety," you explain. "I think I wasn't doing so mentally well back then."

It's then when you realize you're worked up. Your breathing was abnormally quick and your heart beat rapidly in your chest as you couldn't help but cover your eyes with your hands. "I'm not going to fucking cry," you mutter into your hands.

"You can cry, I won't judge," Jimin assures you.

And that was all it took for you for your tears to start flowing out of your eyes.

"I was never good enough for anyone! But especially my parents. One single mistake, you know, maybe second place in Science Olympiad would cause them to bring out a train of other failures I've had in my life. I'd work my ass off every day, but it would never be enough. And as I got older, I decided to fight for what I thought was right, so I'd talk back to them. But of course, when that happened they'd start ranting about how ungrateful I am. Sometimes I felt like I was more important to them for the letter grade I produce than the actual human being that I am," you whisper the last part. "I always felt like I could disappear into thin air and no one would miss me."

You feel a warm hand pat your back reassuringly. That lets you know you can continue. "I remember my parents talking about a rich aunt and uncle. So that one day I was so fed up with myself, I left the house with nothing and found myself at their doorstep."

Jimin starts to rub soft circles on your back and you lean into his touch, feeling so cared for, despite what you encountered in your past.

"My aunt and uncle were really skeptical about me staying at their house. It wasn't like my parents died or anything. It was just me, begging to stay because I didn't like my own parents. I'm pretty sure they would've driven me back to my house if Jin hadn't intervened. I distinctly remember that time," you say. "Jin, their only child, arguing for me to stay."

"That sounds like him," Jimin comments and you nod. "So does it get better after that?"

"Barely," you reply. "My parents found out pretty soon that I was living with my aunt and uncle. God, you have no idea how mad they got. Actually, it was more like infuriated and enraged. They told me I was a pathetic parasite always fishing for the best like I was some gold digger."

"I'm so sorry," Jimin whispers, taking your hand again. You nod your head, silently thanking him for his support.

"But it did get better. I made strong bonds with Jin," you say. "It's just that it became clear that I was just a nuisance to the family. Money was being spent on me, time was being used on me... I just felt guilty all the time. So I left or tried to leave. Jin stopped me and offered to run away with me. Apparently, he wanted to live his own life and write his own future," you say. "Our parents still don't know where we are and we're not letting them find us anytime soon."

"Are they not looking?" Jimin asks.

"I dunno and I honestly don't even care," you answer. "Jin and I made sure we moved far away enough."

Jimin nods. "Good."

You smile at your friend's support. "You know, Jin's a lot like you."

"Really?"

"His parents wanted him to continue his father's business like any rich son would, but Jin wanted to work in the theater department. He followed his passion and guided me here," you say. "Kinda what you're doing."

"Exactly what I'm doing." Jimin smiles, patting your hand before letting go. "Well, that was some life story."

"I try not to dramatize it." You shrug. "So did it work?"

"Eh..." Jimin says, "I'm trying to hold back my tears." He wipes away nonexistent tears with a silly grin on his face.

You roll your eyes. "Such a goof."

Jimin shrugs, suddenly becoming scarily serious. "Y/N... so it's because of your past that you have... er, trust issues?"

You flinch. "Possibly."

Jimin gives you a look.

"Okay, fine, yes. You caught me. I don't wanna make fake friends as I made in the past—even though family problems pushed me down, not having friends to support me kept me down. Jin and you are the only people that I've ever fully trusted."

Jimin nods. "Hey, I understand. I know how you feel."

You raise your eyebrows. "You do? Don't you have 50 million friends?" you ask.

"Well, out of the 50 million, guess how many I actually trust," he says, leaning back and taking a sip of his coke. Jimin scrunches his nose. "Ew, this thing isn't even fizzy anymore."

You giggle, rolling your eyes slightly. "I'm guessing you trust seven," you say. "It's a lucky number."

"Nope, one," Jimin replies. "Your cousin."

"Are you trying to tell me—"

"That true good friends take time and work to find?" Yes," Jimin says.

"No, that's not what I was gonna say," you giggle. "I was saying, are you trying to tell me that you don't trust me?"

Your friend laughs. "Oh c'mon, Y/N," he says. "Spare a man. Of course, I trust you."

"Good because I didn't just tell you my whole private life story for you to tell me that you don't trust me," you say, taking a sip of your unfizzy diet coke.

Jimin laughs again. "I trust you, okay? You're like a best friend to me," he says, as he stretches and gets up from his couch. "It's getting late and we need to pick up my other best friend from the airport nice and early tomorrow. We should get to sleep."

You beam at his words and stand up too. "Mhm."

"I'll show you up to my room," Jimin says as he gestures you over to the stairs of his house. That's when you realize, oh fuck, I'll be sleeping in my teacher's bed.

It's weird how sometimes Jimin can be your friend but your teacher at the same time.

"You can borrow one of my shirts to wear to sleep in you want," Jimin says as both of you walk into his rather spacious room. Your friend walks to his closet and pulls out a long, black t-shirt. He tosses it to you and you grab it instinctively.

"Thanks," you say. "Are you sure you don't want me to take the couch? It was comfy."

"Are you saying you don't want the bed?" Jimin asks sarcastically.

"I mean, no, a bed's nice but—"

"Are you saying we should share—"

You smack Jimin's back. "That was—"

"Not appropriate, I know, I know," Jimin interrupts you as he laughs. "You gotta learn to take a joke, though."

"Not if the joke is borderline sexual," you seethe. "Not if the listener is your student."

"Aw, c'mon Y/N, you're only my student in school," Jimin protests. "You're my friend outside of school."

You sigh. "Fine, then," you mutter as you start to push Jimin out of his room. "Get out, I'm gonna change."

"Okay, okay," Jimin laughs. "Goodnight, Miss Yoon."

"Goodbye, Jiminie," you tease as you shut the door on Jimin's laughing face.

You sigh as you snuggle up into Jimin's warm, velvety covers. They smelled like him: fresh, clean and masculine. You still can't seem to believe how amazing your friend is—he's almost too good to be true. Even after you spilled out your deepest secrets, he treats you just the same, he doesn't pity you, he doesn't think he's better than you in any way. It secures you so much to be around someone like Park Jimin.

You're so lucky to have him.

"Y/N!" you hear some high-pitched voice screaming in your ear.

"Shut up, I'm awake!" you scream back, ironically keeping your eyes closed as you turn over and smash the soft pillow over your head.

"You don't look awake," the voice teases. "C'mon, we have to go in a few minutes to get Jin or we'll be late!"

You groan as you slowly rise up, only to see your teacher sitting on your—his bed, staring right at you.

"Wait, fuck!" you shriek as you quickly pull up the covers to hide your body. "Didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to come in unannounced into a lady's bedroom?"

Jimin cocks his head. "For your information, this is my bedroom," he chuckles.

"Oh my god, Jimin," you groan. "Get out! I'm not wearing anything under the shirt!"

Well, shit, Y/N. That was a bit too much information.

You can see your teacher's ears turn red as he quickly stands up. "Oh, right. I totally forgot... Sorry," he says hastily as he practically sprints out of the room.

You roll your eyes as you climb out of Jimin's bed, stretching. You had slept so well—maybe it was the sweet, masculine smell of the covers or the high-end quality of the bed. You hadn't known your teacher was so loaded.

Walking over to where you had neatly folded your clothes last night, you scrunch your nose, picking up your white t-shirt. "Pizza grease stains," you mutter. "I am a messy eater."

I guess it won't hurt to wear Jimin's t-shirt to the airport right? It just looks like a t-shirt dress anyway.

You quickly take your bra to the bathroom, putting in on, then washed your face and attempted to comb your hair with your fingers. By the time you're downstairs, Jimin is all dressed as well, most likely having taken his clothes out of his closet when you had been sleeping.

"I've never seen you wear a dress before," Jimin teases as you roll your eyes.

"I got grease stains on my other shirt," you reply. "I had no choice. It's okay if I borrow this for a day, right?"

Jimin laughs. "Yeah, no problem. You look good in it, anyway."

Flushing at his casual comment, you absentmindedly nod as you walk towards the front door. "Uh, we should go get Jin now," you say.

"Hold up, no breakfast?" Jimin asks as he holds an apple out for you.

"Oh, thanks," you say as you take the apple gratefully. "You're not eating?" you ask as both of you make your way out of the house and into Jimin's car.

"Well... my fridge isn't exactly stocked," your teacher says, placing his hands on the steering wheel. "I usually eat out all the time so that's the only thing I had in the fridge."

Again, Jimin is loaded.

"How do you even afford to eat out all the time?" you blurt out.

Jimin shrugs. "Parents."

"Ah, right," you say quickly.

You let your teacher drive to the airport in silence as you awkwardly try to eat the apple as quietly as you can. But remembering your manners after a few minutes, you offer an uneaten side of your apple to your teacher.

"I'd thought you'd never ask," Jimin chuckles as you hold the apple in front of him and he bites in.

"Oh, sorry," you say, flushing slightly at the proximity between your teacher's plump lips and your innocent hand. "Do you want the apple? I'm not that hungry anymore."

"Yes you are," Jimin scoffs. "Don't you lie, Y/N, Jin tells me about the huge breakfast you always eat before school. Breakfast is important for you."

"What does Jin not tell you?" you cry, throwing up your hands, careful not to fling the apple to the back of the car.

Jimin chuckles. "He tells me everything about you—it's obvious he cares for you a lot."

"Yeah..." you say. "Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough for him," you confess. "I mean, the only times I actually take care of him is when he gets drunk. Other than that, he's basically my mom."

"He's the perfect cousin," Jimin comments, smiling. "In a way, you're really lucky, Y/N."

You bite into the apple. "I am. I have Jin and you," you say, grinning.

"Aw, my heart," Jimin says, dramatically placing a small hand on his chest.

"Two hands on the wheel!" you shriek. "I want to live to see my cousin!"

Jimin just laughs, gripping the steering wheel with two hands as you had instructed. "Y/N, relax, we're almost there anyway."

"Hmph."

"So, how much do you want to bet Jin takes us out to eat when we meet him?"

"MY BABIES!" Jin screams as he runs towards you and Jimin, his suitcase flying behind him.

"God, how embarrassing," you mutter, catching the weird glances people were throwing your way.

"YOU GUYS SURVIVED!" Jin shrieks as he rams into you and your teacher, pulling both of you into a tight hug.

"Not for long if you keep hugging us like this," Jimin says, his voice strained as Jin squeezes all three of you together.

"Sorry, sorry," Jin apologizes as he loosens the hug. "I was just so happy to see you two... alive."

"What, you thought we were going to die?" you ask as you pull away from the hug, crossing your arms.

"No, I thought only you were going to die," Jin answers. "That's why I didn't let you alone. You've never really been on your own, you know?"

"He demanded I got your back 24/7," Jimin says. "Did I do a good job?"

"A bit too literally," you tease, rolling your eyes.

"He even took you shopping, huh?" Jin asks, eyeing your—er Jimin's t-shirt.

"What? No," you say, tugging the long, black top down. "It's not mine," you quickly say, lowering your head in sudden embarrassment.

Jin's eyebrows raise. "Well, then, looks like Y/N spent a night at your house, didn't she?" your cousin turns to ask your teacher.

Unlike your flushed self, Jimin looks rather calm. "Y/N spectacularly lost her house key yesterday so she slept over at my place."

"The shirt?" Jin questions. You flinch in your place, feeling guilty for no reason at all.

"Y/N's a messy eater, you know that. She got pizza grease on her shirt so she borrowed mine," Jimin explains. "Is your interrogation over, buddy?"

Jin's serious face is replaced with a goofy one. "Of course!" he laughs. "Agh, you two are too cute," Jin declares as he swings each arm around the both of you. "Now, I'm going to take you out to eat."

You shoot Jimin a knowing look and he laughs, eyes becoming beautiful crescent moons. You can't help but laugh too.

It's yet again another weekend you, Jin and Jimin are spending together. You're relaxed on your couch as Jin sits right next to you while Jimin is sprawled on the floor, scrolling through his phone.

"Y/N, Jimin," Jin says suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence. "So... as you know, my drama team is doing incredibly well these days. We, um... won state so we have to go to nationals."

"That's great!" you say as you jump up.

"Dang, Jin, congrats!" Jimin says as he starts to get up into a sitting position.

"Yeah, well... but that means I have to leave soon to get to nationals," Jin explains. "I'm sorry guys."

Your face falls slightly but you force a quick smile. "But you've always wanted your team to win these competitions!"

"Yeah but being apart from you guys makes me feel..."

"Empty?" you ask.

"Lonely?" Jimin inquires.

"Ugly," Jin says with a 'duh' tone.

You scoff. "Excuse me?"

"I dunno. Something about being with you guys makes me feel full, you know? Like I'm my best self. I feel perfect," Jin explains. "When I'm not with you two, I kinda feel... insecure? Ugly?"

"Aww, bro," Jimin says, standing up to sit next to Jin on the couch.

"We'll miss you," you say, resting your head on Jin's shoulder. "Can you do us one teensy favor though?" you plead.

"Anything for my two favorite people," Jin says as he softly kisses your forehead, making you smile.

"So, we almost burned down Jimin's house last time trying to cook ramen..." you start. You don't even get to finish because Jin is already hysterically laughing, the familiar windshield wiper laughter filling the commodious living room. Your cousin wipes a tear away from his eyes, calming himself down with a few deep breaths.

"You're telling me... neither of you read the directions to cook ramen?" Jin cries, chuckling.

"Well... I would've, but someone trashed them," you say, eyeing Jimin accusingly.

"Oh, c'mon, Y/N, don't blame me," Jimin whines, his lips pulling out into a full-blown pout.

You pretend not to be affected by the cuteness, rolling your eyes. "I didn't say it was you," you say. "I only implied."

"Same thing," Jimin mutters.

"And that is why you're a math teacher, not an English teacher," you reply.

Jin laughs. "Oh, you guys are so cute when you fight."

You and Jimin both shoot your cousin glares, making him raise his hands up in defense. "I was joking!" he exclaims. "You know what? Instead of just sitting around here and doing nothing, let's hang out productively."

"Productive? What's that?" you joke as you slump into your couch.

"I think I should teach you guys how to make ramen," Jin sighs.

"Oh, yes please," Jimin says. "I would like to keep my house from burning to the ground again."

"What do you mean, 'again' " you ask, rolling your eyes. "Last time I checked, we ran around like madmen opening all the goddamn windows to get the smoke out."

"Language, baby cousin," Jin chuckles. "You two really need to stop arguing if you don't want to look like a married couple."

Jimin pouts. "I totally would if Y/N would stop trying to one-up me with her arguments."

"I wouldn't have to one-up you if your arguments were solid," you spit back.

"Okay, okay!" Jin cries, throwing up his arms. "Let's just get up and cook before I have to hear you babies fight again!"

"I am not a baby!" you whine, annoyed. "I am not your goddamn baby cousin. I'm fucking 17 years old and I am so sick of you calling me a baby!" you burst. "I can take care of myself, thank you very much! I fucking swear if anyone calls me a little child again, I will... I will... uh, skin them alive!" you declare, hands fisting in sudden anger.

Jimin and Jin stare at you in shock.

"Y/N... honey, do you want to blow off some steam?" Jin asks softly as he steps slowly towards you.

"No!" you shout, then you rethink. "Yes," you say. Quickly scurrying away, you slam the door to your room shut.

"God, I've never seen her so worked up," Jimin says as soon as your presence is gone. "She actually looked like she wanted to skin us alive."

"Y/N gets moody at her time of the month." Jin shrugs as he walks toward the kitchen. "Believe it or not, that kind of behavior is normal."

"Oh, so she's not lying about her period this time?" Jimin chuckles. "She always uses it as some sort of excuse."

Jin laughs. "I've heard... but no, Y/N just lets out all the stress she gets from studying when she's on her period. I think it's a girl thing, I don't know. I just let her be."

Jimin nods. "I'll keep that in mind... So, I guess you'll just have to teach me how to make ramen."

Jin smiles. "Sure thing, bro."

You're on your bed, dying from the pain of cramps as you sort of regret the loud outburst you had in front of your teacher. You groan as you slam your face into the pillow. "Y/N, you are a stupid bitch," you tell yourself.

Sometimes, with the pain of cramps, you get embarrassingly moody and forget to control your temper. The pain should lessen though... you've just taken a painkiller. You sigh as you sit up from your bed, attempting to fix your loose sweats and messy hair. You're craving ice cream.

Almost like you're on some secret spy mission, you creak open your bedroom door and silently creep out into the kitchen. You're skillfully avoiding all of the floorboards that you know that will squeak, paying close attention to the ground.

"Ah, if it isn't but Y/N," Jimin says in his silky voice, making you jump. Your teacher smiles at you as he sets down a pot of hot ramen. "Are you hungry?"

You flush furiously, hoping he had forgotten your tantrum. "Kinda," you whisper, looking down at your feet as you make your way to the freezer.

"Mint chocolate ice cream?" Jin asks you as you nod, taking out your favorite tub. "Don't eat too much of it, Y/N. Do you want a heat pack?"

You nod, still red from humiliation as you face the two people you had just shouted at a while ago. Making your way to the couch, you sit down as Jin hands you a heat pack. "Thanks," you mutter as you start to eat huge spoonsful from your tub of ice cream.

Jimin carefully sits down next to you, almost looking at you fearfully, as if you'd bite him—which was pretty possible if you were on your period. He sets down the pot of ramen on the table in front of you as he looks expectantly at you. "I made ramen," he says, poking your cheek.

A giggle escapes your lips at your teacher's actions.

Okay, what the fuck, Y/N. Did you just... giggle?

But then again, anything is possible when you're on your goddamn period.

"And if I say so myself, this is the best ramen you'll probably ever eat, so eat up," your teacher says proudly.

Jin rolls his eyes. "95% of that ramen is my work," he mutters. "But I think Jimin is pretty solid to cook for you now."

You smile. What were you going to do without these two men in your life? They took your bitching, listened to your troubles and were still hell-bent on being by your side and making you feel better.

"I can't wait to try it," you laugh as you tug the pot of ramen closer to you. "Thanks, guys, I owe you."

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