#WE LIVE IN A FUCKING SOCIETY IS THE POINT OF THIS POST I GUESS

[imaveryevilenby]

alright hold on hold on hold on we're doing 3am gender thinking again

so the initial idea of my views on gender that occurred to me at 5am last time in what was probably a manic episode is fuck gender I can't fit the boxes expected of me so I'll dismantle the whole system and do my own thing

so problem is I can't do that, I can't dismantle the whole system and go my own way because I am entirely dependent on the sex and gender systems we have in place and how other people view sex and gender

additionally the idea that gender itself is the outdated stereotypical system is flawed, gender is the way a person feels and we've made categories and boxes to describe incredibly complex feelings

the problem is the more specific a gender gets, the smaller that box gets, the more people are excluded from that box so the solution is another box that fits better or make their own like with neogenders

the solution is a line of gender boxes like hermit crabs...

the fun part about thinking of gender and stuff is that I personally believe that every single person on earth experiences gender and life differently from every other person, even if only slightly

so theoretically if every person on earth were to describe their gender outlook and gender experiences and form a gender identity from that, then there could theoretically be 8 billion god damn genders

the solution is more genders

the solution is running Doom (1993) on my fucking gender

[nopeferatu]

ik that art is subjective and there is not one "true" meaning that one is meant to derive from a work but honestly, some people's readings of media ARE wrong and dumb and bad, lol

[autolenaphilia]

Edit: as hoshi9zoe pointed out, the original version of this post needlessly berated other transfems like Jennifer Coates, for which I do apologize, and I have toned it down in this edited version. The original version survives in reblogs.

Some months ago, I was searching through this transandrobro blog to see if they posted a callout of me, and i found this reblog, which I couldn't really write about for months, because what do I even write. I recently wayback machined it for posterity, and I guess this is my attempt to write a post about it.

It's saint-dyke himself, the coiner of transandrophobia, saying that the infamous (at least for me) article "I am a transwoman. I'm in the closet. I'm not coming out" is what made him coin the fucking word. It's literally bolded and underlined: "Reading this article is what made me coin “transandrophobia”.

The reason I put off writing this post is that reading that article makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. And it is poison, make no mistake, it's internalized transmisogyny brainworms dripping out of the writer's brain and onto the page.

It's a justification for why the author, known by pseudonym Jennifer Coates, doesn't want to transition, despite knowing she is a trans woman. And it's the exact kind of internalized transmisogyny that keeps trans women in repression and not transitioning. "I'm not going to pass, i'm forever going to be an ugly freak who will at best be humored by other women, the closet is uncomfortable but at least it's safe"

It's the same exact bullshit a lot of represssed trans women tell themselves because it's what society tells us about trans women, that we are freakish parodies of women, that we will never pass, and if we don't pass we have failed and are ugly freaks. It's all to scare us into staying in the closet and make others hate and fear us. Transmisogyny permeates our society, and the majority, maybe all transfems will absorb and internalize some of it.

Coates says that it all is just applicable to her, but again so many transfems believe this shit before transitioning and realizing it's a pack of lies. If this bullshit was in any way valid, a lot of trans women shouldn't transition, because before we actually transition many of us believe it word for word. And "it's only true for me" is how we justify it to ourselves. We tend to be way harsher on ourselves than others. This kind of self-hating transfem tends to think: "Other trans women are beautiful graceful goddesses, earthly manifestations of the divine feminine, always destined to be women, while I'm an ugly forever male ogre who just has a fetish."

It's all bullshit, it's poison, it's internalized transmisogyny.

And the rest of the article is bullshit too. It is not some insightful mediation on gender as some people say, it's the author confusing and mixing up actual transmisogyny with an imagined problem of misandry. She does this because she has gone full repression mode, and decided she has no other choice to live as a man, so her dysphoria and experiences of transmisogyny are actually men's problems.

It's a bad article, excusable because as Coatas points out, it's "essentially a diary entry." that was meant to be a way to "vent frustration" and she "did not intend for anyone else to actually read it." It is clearly not the product of a healthy mind.

I hope the author sometime in the past seven years eventually did transition, and that for whatever reason she didn't want to publicly repudiate her own article. Maybe she lost access to the medium account so she can't delete it.

Far worse than the article itself is the response to it. I've seen it passed around as some insightful commentary on gender by the "feminists are too mean to men, misandry is real" crowd. I have argued against this before. And other people have made insightful comments about it.

And learning that saint-dyke claiming that he was inspired to coin the word "transandrophobia" because of this article is the cherry on top of this shitcake of transmisogyny. For my thoughts on "transandrophobia" theory and how transmisogynistic it is, see here.

Of course, Saint-dyke absolutely could be bullshitting here. Claiming that Coates's article is what inspired him to coin the word might be a lie to claim that transandrophobia theory is not transmisogynistic because it came from listening to trans women.

This is why "listen to trans women" doesn't work. Because TME people will always choose a trans woman who confirms their prejudices. Blair White has made an entire career out of this. And Coates article is popular because it says that misandry is real and trans women's issues are partly caused by it, misgendering herself and other trans women.

And it's popular for another reason. Coates has thoroughly internalized transmisogyny, and thus her article presents a trans woman that is exactly as transmisogynistic patriarchal society wants her to be. She is suffering, but ultimately accepts her assigned role. She truly believes that her biological sex dooms her to forever be male. She literally "manages her dysphoria by means other than transition" as conversion therapy advocates want us to do. She never makes an social claim on womanhood by actually transitioning, so she doesn't invade the sacred women's spaces. Yet she performs the role of woman perfectly by serving men, by defending them from supposed feminist misandry. And she fulfils the ritualistic role that the rhetorical figure of "trans women" sometimes serves in progressive spaces, of giving a blessing to TME people's pre-existing views and actions, all while actual flesh-and-blood trans women are destroyed by those same deeply transmisogynistic spaces. This time it's a blessing for the same "misandry is real" soft-MRA bullshit that has infested the online left and created the transandrophobia crowd.

That is why this article and the positive response makes me sick, makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. This is what its fans want trans women to be like. I'm acutely aware this kind of self-denial is exactly what transmisogyny wants from me and tried to indoctrinate me into doing it. And I want none of it. I want to live, I want to be a woman.

[shera-dnd]

I have decided against my better judgement to be weird about the Dawntrail MSQ

and we can't talk about an expansion set in the fantasy americas without talking about

COLONIALISM

oh yeah, we're going there baby

So disclaimer that I may be brazilian, but my ass is white as hell, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. Also if any native americans have made posts on this please let me know so I can boost their analysis as well

Also also I'm more than happy to delete this post if I mess up. I'm genuinely trying to make a thoughtful analysis, so if I fuck up just say the word and this thing is gone from this website

Oh also also also, Dawntrail MSQ spoilers ahead!

So FFXIV has had a... messy relationship with colonialism over the years

The fact that the major antagonists for the first half of A Realm Reborn a literally called "beast man tribes" is absolutely not a good start to this story

Add to that the fact that The Twelve (Eorzea's gods) are shown to be kind all powerful deities, while the Primals (the tribal gods) are evil spirits summoned to bring destruction to the world

and yeah no ARR is not good with that shit. It's EXTREMELY not good. If I hadn't been told it got better later on I would have dropped this shit before I got to Titan

But they have been taking steps to unfuck things. First we're shown that even the "civilized societies" (in this case the catholic elves) can summon Primals, then that Primal summoning isn't an actual native custom but was introduced by foreigners with malicious intent, and that not all "beast man" practice that

Then they changed the names of the "Beast Man Tribe Quests" to "Tribal Quests" and then finally to "Allied Society Quest"

Which would have been an empty gesture had like half of the post-Shadowbringer patches, as well a lot of Endwalker, not been about forming alliances with those people and working together with them, recognizing that they have as much right to the land and to life as any Eorzean, this all culminating on the Primals being summoned with the express purpose of helping you protect the world you all share

I guess they realized that they couldn't have their big bad for most of the game be the evil expansionist empire, if they didn't like actually reflect in their own imperialist fantasies they were propagating

Then the teaser trailer for Dawntrail drops and everyone in the fandom is like "wait... are we gonna do a colonialism?"

And memes were abound of how all those lessons from before don't apply to the "New World" of Tural

THANKFULLY the actual questline leading to Dawntrail helped to settle some of those worries

We're not going to Tural to explore a new uncharted land, but are actually being invited over by the local royalty in order to aid them with their right of succession. We get introduced to the nation of Tuliyollal and how it's a thriving land with its own culture and not just a "terra nil" waiting to be colonized

Still there are some worries that this is gonna turn out poorly and that we're just gonna end up being white saviors

But I think they managed to avoid that pretty well

For starters neither the Scions nor the Warrior of Light are the protagonists of this story. You're all simply supporting character's in Wuk Lamat's story

A story that centers her people, her culture, and her family

And it's not even one culture. They don't portray Tuliyollal as this monolithic mish mash of every single native american culture

No, the lands of Tural are in fact comprised of multiple different people's and nations, each of them with their own customs and traditions which are informed by their history and the lands they live in

In fact learning about their cultures and partaking in their customs is the whole point of the Rite of Succession. It's all set up so that the next Dawnservant would be someone who understands and respects each of the peoples that comprise Tural

(I could, and probably will, write about what Dawntrail has to say about what makes a good ruler)

And our girl, Wuk Lamat, is shown to be the rightful heir because she really goes out of her way to understand each of the nations and show her appreciation for their customs

Putting her well above her Sharlyaboo brother Koana, The King of Unresolved Daddy Issues Zoral Ja, and whatever the fuck is going on with Bakool Ja Ja

(I joke, I love my two headed traumatized dumbass)

Tho I will admit that this does end up giving the tribes a somewhat "planet of the hats" vibe. Like their named NPCs are diverse and interesting, but you can just assume that most random NPCs of any given people are gonna act according to the stereotype

Which is unfortunate, but I have hopes that with the next few patches and the addition of Dawntrail's own Allied Society Quests, we'll get to see more to them

But that... is only up to lvl95 and the end of the Yok'Tural (southern Tural) segment

because then we get to Xak'Tural (northern Tural) and holy shit does it feel like they drop the ball there

Like they really COULDN'T keep themselves from making Shaaloani a fucking Wild West map

Instead of doing anything with the actual cultures and histories of Native North American people, they just do wild fucking west

Because there's ceruleum in them thar hills! And apparently Koana turned most of the region into Sharlyaboos too

So we get a bunch of Wild West frontier towns mixed with native american tribes and mud brick cities. We have trains and guns and a sheriff and a duel at high noon, but now everyone got native american names

At least there's one group off to the northern side of the map who seems to stick to tradition and live in harmony with nature, and that group is shown respect by the other people of the region

so we at the very least avoid the "cowboys vs indians" crap, but my god does that region just feel bad compared to everything else they had done so far

Then we get to the big twist: THE CYBERPUNK PORTION OF THE GAME

because yes, we go full fucking cyberpunk

so turns out that a whole segment of Xak'Tural got colonized by the kingdom of Alexandria, including the lands of the Shetona (Erenville's people)

And I feel like this is the most poignant section of the MSQ when it comes to colonialism

Because here we have Alexandria, an empire that has reached the limit of what it can do sustain itself on its own world, and so has decided to spread out and colonize others in order to gain resources

We see the Shetona and other natives of the region being separated from their families and kept in isolation from the rest of their people

And tho Queen Sphene is shown to be a kind and caring ruler who gives people a choice when it comes to joining the empire, WELL SHE'S STILL THE QUEEN OF A FUCKING EMPIRE

Like her form of kindness and just stagnant peace is put in stark contrast with Wuk Lamat's own love for her people and more proactive pursuit of happiness and harmony

(again with the "what makes a ruler theme")

Also the people that choose to be assimilated into the Alexandrian Empire? Yeah, they're doing so because Alexandria has advanced medical technology and you can only receive their aid if you're a citizen

Not only that, but you have to be a working citizen. We see later on a character being denied medical aid, because he lost his job, thanks to the King's decision and at no fault of his own

yeah this is cyberpunk, not just sci-fi

ALSO can we talk about how the technology used for that medical aid and the little gizmo they give you to signify you're now a citizen, will literally erase the memory of the people you lost

So the Turali who are assimilated into Alexandrian culture not only lose ties to their culture and their loved ones, but are not allowed to grieve their loss, because what they once had is slowly being erased

How their choices add up to survive on their own OR be assimilated

How this all takes place IN NORTH FUCKING AMERICA!

THE CYBERPUNK CITY IS LITERALLY SET IN THIS WORLD'S EQUIVALENT TO THE UNITED STATES

So yeah, I don't think is is accidental. I genuinely thing that they're making a point about the realities of imperialism and colonialism, as well as taking some shots at the US while they're at it

Of course this part is still centered around Wuk Lamat, and instead of having a moment of "the only ones who can stop the evil white europeans are the GOOD white europeans", we have Wuk Lamat be the one to save the day, defeat Sphene, and save her people from the colonizing empire

So I would like to argue that everything that happens from lvl97 onwards is them picking up the ball again and making a real point

buuuut that comes at the cost of us being unable to engage with the native peoples of Xak'Tural outside of the context of colonialism

Which genuinely fucking sucks, and I hope it will be remedied with the post-Dawntrail patches

As well as handling the whole shared land situation they ended up with and how this might end up in a Land Back sort of movement, and oh boy can they mess shit up royally there

So in conclusion FFXIV has had a messy relationship with colonialism and imperialist fantasies and tropes, but the devs seem to be making a concerted effort to undo their mistakes and show respect in their depictions of american natives

They still fuck up

boy do they

but they're at least trying, and I'd say Dawntrail so far has been quite well executed

so yeah, look forward to more insane rambles like this one I guess

[saintjosie]

apologies if you’ve talked about something this before, but your post on experiencing exclusion in trans fem circles on account of being an east asian woman who speaks up came up on my dash and it reminded me of something that‘a been troublingme.

i’m also asian and trans, and i’m always really sent off-kilter when i see white trans people idealizing japanese aesthetics and asian people in general. so many white trans people use anime tropes and aesthetics while also othering real asian people, esp other asian trans people. does it feel appropriative/fetishistic to you?

i guess it’s just something that echoes general white-centric society but it feels like a lot of white trans people focus more on their transness and forget that their whiteness doesn’t just go away or get excused, if that makes sense

this is a great ask with no easy answer. the short answer is yes, you’re absolutely right, but there is also a lot of nuance that’s very important to address too.

white people in general have an enormous problem with misunderstanding the difference between appropriation and appreciation. and that applies to appropriating the culture of all people of color because appropriation is a symptom of colonization. part of that is because it’s very difficult to have a catch-all definition that clarifies the distinction between the two because each person approaches the things they consume in a different way, with varying levels of excitement. i simply cannot point a finger at all white people who enjoy anime and say, “this is bad”, because it simply is not true. it would be just as harmful if a white person were to say, “i would never watch anime because i think it’s weird”, because while appropriation is objectively a form of colonization, appreciation is a celebration of diversity. and celebration of diversity is good!

but i think you hit the nail on the head when you say that a lot of white queer and trans people forget that even though that they are oppressed by cis heterosexual patriarchy, the intersection of oppression that exists between oppressed identities and race means that as white people, they still have white privilege. full stop. and so we often have this issue, especially with young queer and trans people (young as in newly realized queerness and transness, not age) where there is a pause in deconstructing whiteness because they are too focused on deconstructing the privilege that they have suddenly lost by embracing their marginalized identities.

and the issue goes even deeper when you realize that people of color also struggle to realize that we often also perpetuate and contribute to oppression of other people of color as well. east asian people in particular forget that even though we are people of color, we do not face the same kind of oppression that black and brown people of color do, and often we perpetuate racism through appropriation of black culture and also just straight up racism. i think most asian people can attest to how often asian people can be racist as fuck. and i’ve definitely seen asian people who think it’s acceptable to make aave and using the n-slur a part of their personality. and at the same time there is an enormous problem with black people fetishizing asian people and latching on to anime and k-pop in ways that perpetuate the oppression of asian people, as well as just being racist towards asians in general.

and root of the issue is that white supremacy affects all of us. EVERYONE has whiteness to deconstruct because we all live in a system that was built on white supremecy, even if we do not have white privilege ourselves. the answer is that everyone period must bear the burden of constantly deconstructing whiteness, deconstructing our own privilege, and doing our part to lift each other up. and while it is true that white people often have the most work to do in deconstructing their own privilege, none of us are absolved.

[bloop-bl00p]

So who’s in the wrong?

Trigger warning: talks of sexual coercion, abuse, it’s long as fuck and the mention of St**as may trigger some unwanted rage.

• Don't argue about how I’m wrong without reading this first, look I’m a person it’s natural to be incorrect and I’m all for debate. Thank you. Obliviously I won’t always directly agree with you and will defend my arguments, respect is mutual be respectful and I/any other people ready for debate will be respectful to you.

• I tend to post these at night (at least in the country where I live) don’t expect me to respond to you immediately because most of the time, I’ll be sleeping.

• This post is mostly for me, I was really trying to recontextualize their relationship and came up with my own conclusion. There’s lots and lots of repetition, especially at the end so it can get annoying.

Actual start of the rant

I’ll be honest here, I’m biased and I don’t like any of these two, especially Stolas, my girls Millie and Octavia are underappreciated but I’m gonna stick with them no matter what.

While I have a clear animosity toward these two, I decided to be completely objective, I’m gonna point out what both of them did wrong since the beginning of the relationship and the writing issues.

Childhood friends, really?

The first time Stolas met him they were kids, and considering how he blushed when he saw Blitzø performing at the circus we can guess he got his gay awakening here….

Wait are we really going to take into consideration the feelings of a child? Childhood crushes are rarely relevant, and it’s not like they were long-time childhood BFFs, no he just saw him and blushed. We also have to consider the fact that he saw him the day he learned that his entire life was premeditated to his displeasure, Stolas was a kid, and he never wanted to get married so he naturally sought to find a form of escapism to his situation. Which is a pattern that followed him to his adulthood.

His father saw that he took a liking to the imp and bought him for the day and they played buddy. But Blitzø wasn’t having it at all.

He never wanted to be here and honestly, Stolas’s interest in literature isn't his cup of tea. he then proceeded to use Stola's naivety against him to steal items on behalf of his father.

This is the moment where I lost it completely, the first time they met was Blitzø using Stolas’ feelings in order to steal, why didn't Paimon beat the crap out of Stolas? These two literally stole everything and you’re telling me that Stolas did not get scolded? that’s hardly believable when he got smacked just for bowing to an imp. Paimon is the type of parent who only notices his kids when they are making a mistake, the fact that he didn't punish Stolas or even try to pursue Blitzø’s family is more than odd.

Don’t take this as me blaming Blitzø, if anything I blame his father for purposely using the name of his mother to influence his child. Blitzø was just doing it for his family, most importantly for survival.

Blitzø was a child living in poverty in a society that looked down on him because he was an imp, with the influence of his father and the people around him, he learned that he needed to steal in order for him to survive.

Even if there was this “cute” little montage of the two smiling and “playing” Blitzø wasn’t having it he was not here for Stolas he was here to make sure his family ate tomorrow.

But you wanna know why they couldn’t have Stolas actually punished by Paimon because they needed him to still hold onto his Blitzø fantasy.

The messiest meeting I’ve ever seen

Stolas grew up, married Stella, and purposely stayed in a marriage he could have avoided for the simple excuse of “I stay for my daughter.”

I explained why this is a stupid reason →HERE← going back to him. The security eventually brings him Blitzø who was trying to break into his room to which he brings the imp in it and starts casually flirting.

This is the moment when each of y’all are going to burn me. Stolas isn’t that much in the wrong here, yes, it’s a bit weird to flirt with a guy you haven’t seen in years but first, he drank a lot prior to their conversation. While he wasn’t drunk, it’s safe to assume he wasn’t in full control of his speech. Second and last, Stolas said it better than me.

It’s teasing, I don’t think he was actually aroused and more amused by the possible implication of why Blitzø would try to sneak up during the night specifically in his room. This is a man who canonically read smut, what he said was relatively vanilla. Plus Blitzø didn't express any form of disgust except a subtle “ew” before directly getting into his game and playfully flirting back.

In his head, it was just a friend coming back after a long time to see him, he was genuinely trying to catch up.

Is it stupid from a writing perspective that he somehow never realized that he was fooled as a child? Yes. Do I believe that the second he saw Blitzø he should have been more wary because he should have known that the last time he saw him he literally stole from his parent’s castle? ABSOLUTELY!! But the writing gymnastics perpetuated by the writers allowed Stolas’ cluelessness to be believable, in the story at least.

How ‘bout Blitzø?

He wants to start his killing business and goes on a mission to steal the grimoire from Stolas, in order to do so, he flirts back with the Prince and lets things escalate quickly.

He’s more in the wrong, with this context at least, he’s trying to manipulate Stolas in order to steal. The first reaction Stolas had when Blitzø actually went on with the more sexy talk was to back off, ‘til now Stolas just made a few innuendos Blitzø actually elevated the situation. Birdie eventually gets bitten and all of that pent-up frustration from his marriage drops and he starts to say very very questionable comments.

I’m not gonna blame him here because again, Blitzø was manipulating him, to him, that was what Blitzø wanted. They eventually fucked, because Blitzø pitied Stolas. Does this remove accountability for everything he has done to the Prince until now? No.

Verdicts

➤ Stolas not getting grounded as a child for letting an imp steal stuff is nonsensical it was probably a deliberate decision so he could act all friendly with Blitzø for their meeting. He drank not to the point of drunkennes, but still a lot. Alcohol will always affect the brain even when you have not reached a drunken state, so it’s safe to assume that Stolas wasn’t fully in control of what he was saying or doing.

➤ Blitzø is not in the wrong as a child, but he definitely used Stolas to get what he wanted as an adult, he takes the L.

The “Passionate fortification”

Coercion definition

It’s persuading someone to do something by using force or profiting from a possible disadvantage.

There’s sexual coercion where you convince someone to have sex with you by force. The instance of a boss using his power to have sex with one of his employees will be sexual coercion because he has power over them. He can threaten to fire them at any moment, even if he’s a “nice guy” and “will never do such things” That doesn’t remove the control he has.

Even without being threatened, the employee may accept because they do not want to risk their job or negatively affect their career. There’s a difference between genuine concent and the one you gave when disadvantaged. Power imbalance makes it hard to actually evaluate if the concent given is sincere or not.

Going back to Stolas and Blitzø

Stolas, unfortunately for Blitzø, realized that he got robbed and oh well, what does he do?

A. Get rightfully angry for being stolen but since he’s reasonable simply get the book back pacifically?

B. Get more than angry and completely destroy Blitzø’s building in order to teach the Imp a lesson about messing with Royal?

C. Prostitution 2.0 without concent.

If you choose C, congratulations you’re correct.

Now many people seemingly don’t think the deal was sexual coercion because Blitzø accepted it and because Stolas would never even think of actually threatening Blitzø, with the definition I gave I explained why they were weak arguments. The power dynamism is unhealthy, let’s look at how this deal even came up in the first place.

Blitzø was in danger actively running for his life telling Stolas “Hey dude, it’s literally not the time!” he’s getting shot at! You cannot tell me Stolas couldn't hear him getting chased, worse, he was seeing it before his eyes.

It was mentioned that they had a discussion about the grimoire before and that Stolas allowed him to use it. Why couldn’t he make the deal at this moment? Considering that he can actually see Blitzø, there’s this disturbing impression that he waited for him to be in danger, thus in a situation where he couldn’t process information properly so he could make the deal. It’s just an icky impression I had when rewatching the scene.

Even without the whole thing of Blitzø being in danger, the deal would have been unhealthy. Blitzø needs the book for the sake of his business and, y’know, get money to make sure he has a shelter above his and his daughter's heads and he doesn’t know Stolas personally. How could he possibly know that this practical stanger would have been “nice” and accepting if he refused, Stolas is a Prince, he can ruin Blitzø company with the snap of his fingers, it’s this whole power imbalance all over again.

But I kid you not when I heard someone have this take:

It’s still Blitzø's fault because why the hell would he specifically choose to own a business where he needs Stolas’ book? He brought this unto himself.

My brother is Christ are you dense? Blitzø did not choose this, the writer chose to make IMP a human-killing business. What the Hell?

But since I like to dismantle every argument on the internet I’m gonna open parentheses to explain, why, in the story, Blitzø chose to have this business…

( First of all, owning something as complicated as a business for an imp is weird, most of the people Blitzø has talked to have pointed out how surprising it is for him to thrive. Millie’s parent literally thought she was poor.

The fact that he still decided to go for it stems from insecurities I’m going to explain.

We have to evaluate the fact that he always wanted to own his own company, first completely based around circus. Then later killing people. It’s a childhood dream that persisted.

We are shown that he did try to work in a circus as an adult, but he was overshadowed by Robot Fizz. Blitzø is someone with a lot of self-image issues, when he explained to young Stolas what he wanted to do, he explicitly said that he wanted to become the most famous imp with a lot of money. We know that his performance was considered mediocre compared to the better Fizzarolly. As an adult Fizz literally did what Blitzø couldn’t and even without being physically there he put him to shame.

Which led me to believe that he sought something that only he could do correctly. At default of being a clown, he would be something else.

We don’t know how he got into killing business exactly but my guess is when he was Verosika’s bodyguard. She did say “Unlike you, he (being Vortex) actually does his job well.” While it’s more of a theory, I believe he quit the industry Fizzarolly was dominating and went on to protect the succubus.

The sentence was mostly for teasing and picking fun at but there’s also the possible implication that maybe Blitzø was actually bad, why? Because it was his first time, maybe he got better and realized “Hey I actually like killing people.” Then the whole “stealing credit card and ditching her” happened and he eventually started his business in Hell.

But here’s the thing, he’s not the only one killing other demons, he probably doesn't have enough money to buy angelic weapons and alleviate his business to kill royalty like Striker does, and hell, considering where he lives Striker seems to sacrifice a lot to afford those things. Blitzø and his team will just be hitmen over many, so what do you do to push your business agenda, you kill humans directly on Earth.

Blitzø started the company to prove himself that he was good at something else, which is killing. In an effort to seem original from any other killers in Hell, he decided to go for killing humans which he needs Stolas’ books for.

You could ask why he simply didn't get an Asmodeus Crystal because he needs to be registered to use them. How do you get registered? Is it like a passport? Do you need to pay, maybe he just didn’t have enough money to do so and simply resulted in stealing as a last resort. I said it at the beginning when discussing Stolas and Blitzø’s dynamics as kids, he learned in his childhood that in order to survive he needed to steal. A behavior that still stuck with him. )

BOOM parentheses closed.

Verdicts

➤ Stolas flipped the situation and is in the wrong for coercing Blitzø, I’m not saying that Blitzø is a saint here. But his relationship with other people does not matter right now, he’s clearly a victim, just not a perfect one.

➤ I can’t believe that I had to actually explain why Blitzø chose to have this business, he always brags about how good he is with guns and deserves recognition. That’s something he uses to inflate his ego. Not saying that he shouldn’t be proud of his company of course.

Lust and Codependency but not Love

Stolas

Stolas never had a really tangible idea of what healthy relationships look like outside of fiction, we’ve seen him throughout the series reading two books, “Imp in the Sheet” and “Passion & Brimstone.”

Considering that Stolas almost always tends to specify the nature of Blitzø which is an imp (basically a race in this world) it leads me to believe that Stolas is fetishing Blitzø.

Think about it, throughout all of season 1 he was always pointing out how small he was compared to him, mentioning most of the time in his flirting that he was an imp, sexualizing his body, and speaking of how big he was. Not just to him, while he wasn’t flirting with others he always found a way to remind everyone “Hey, y’all are small imps.”

Honorable mention to “Impish little plaything.”

This is not love, it's lust, he likes getting dicked by people hierarchically inferior to him. It’s the white girl having sex with the POC wild man all over again but make it gay with demons.

But why Blitzø out of all people? Because Stolas sees him as a way of escapism.

Every time Stolas is in danger he calls unto Blitzø. In the face of danger, he thinks of Blitzø. In his little fantasy, Blitzø is the one who is going to “save” him from this boring marriage he absolutely has no control over. Except that no, he was indeed forced to have Octavia which is tragic but that ends here. He easily called unto divorce the second a stranger came into the picture as if he was confident that his happiness was guaranteed now that Blitzø was here.

Notice how I used the word ��easily” to describe the divorce, he did not face the consequences that should have happened, Stella made parties about how they were still legally together as if it were an accomplishment. Stolas could have left without any problems.

“I’m staying for my daughter” is a weak argument, I’m sending you back to the purple link. If he really wanted to stay for Octavia, why did he throw all of his effort for Blitzø? When the divorce was officialized, he directly went in to get a crystal with the hope of Blitzø staying otherwise he would have sunk into misery, he does not want to be responsible for his own happiness.

You’ll tell me he uses anti-depressants but most of the time, he takes a good amount of them once and that's all. I’m pretty sure that you shouldn't take a shit tone of them in one gulp immortal prince or not it does not help. On top of that, he doesn’t make any effort to fix his drinking issue that has been showcased in the show. Stella is mean? Quick the alcohol! There’s literally a scene where he wakes up from a blackout caused by drunkenness,

He’s miserable, acknowledges it, and has all of the tools to ameliorate his life but he doesn’t. He preferred fantasy, a fantasy he is projecting onto Blitzø. I don’t care if he wants to be better, we all do but he needs to put in the work.

OCTAVIA IS RIGHT THERE BEGGING YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO HER!

Yes, it’s not romantic but it's still something! Before seeking deeper bounds you need to work on yourself and learn to be content with what you have first, he’s acting as if nobody ever loved him completely disregarding his daughter’s.

When I said put in the work I mean multiple things regarding Stolas’ situation, the fact that he, whether consciously or unconsciously, believes that Blitzø is the solution to all of his problems and not HIS action reeks of a shitty self-esteem. He could have got rid of Stella who clearly has a negative effect on him, which he did but way too late and it affected his daughter out of all people.

He could have surrounded himself with people who actually cared for him, Better, Stolas is isolated, and the introduction of Vassago in the trailers, and the confirmation that he isn’t evil, means that there are probably other positive figures in the Goetia. He could have tried to socialize and go to parties or special events about his favorite subject.

Most importantly, he should seek professional help, there's rehabs and anti-depressants in Hell, and you’re telling me there’s no therapist?

I’m not a therapist myself but I did have a period of my life where my self-esteem was relatively low, those are the solutions I applied during my healing journey and while I definitely still have work to do, I can say that I’m fine now.

Because I worked on myself.

Blitzø

Tell me how could he love the one guy who constantly belittled him throughout most of their interaction.

Often the counter-arguments to that will be that Stolas did not realize that he was making Blitzø uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean that he did not hurt him. If I shot you in the shoulder, you wouldn’t care if it was accidental or not, I still shot you and now I have to make up for it. The same goes for Stolas.

Also…

How bad do you need to be to be unable to read the room and realize that someone's facial expressions show discomfort, how deaf do you need to be to not hear when he blatantly says “Hey, I don’t like how you call me that all the time!”

The fact that the writers make it seem like he did not realize how uncomfortable he was is to me a writing issue again. Or Stolas is just that braindead.

I already explained why Blitzø hasn’t given his consent to the deal in the coercion/unhealthy power dynamics parentheses, so let’s skip ahead to the dependence part.

Here’s my take, Blitzø does not love Stolas.

We all know how bad this guy is at relationships, his last bad experiences make it so he constantly sabotages his connection with others because he cannot fandom the thought of being vulnerable with someone. Being vulnerable is exposing yourself to potentially being hurt, something that happened too many times to him. I believe his relationship with Verosika was just a regular hookup, she mentioned that he only left when she confessed leading me to think that it never was official. He enjoys casual sex because he still wants to feel wanted but leaves when feelings get involved, a pattern he most likely had with other people.

Does this trauma justify him being a dick to everyone else, no. But, he recently showed a desire to make up for his bullshit. While I believe the resolution was fast, he worked out his issues with Fizz and they are friends now. It’s still salty with Veronika but it’s implied that she doesn’t hold that much of a grunge anymore. He still has work to do though.

So how does Stolas fit in all of this?

The deal was made way before he started apologizing to people, meaning that he was vulnerable so here’s the situation:

He’s a guy so bad at showing his true colors that he purposely makes his relationship with people unbearable because at least it’s something that he would see coming. He got hurt but deliberately, he’s in control of the situation. At the same time, he actually craves intimacy making him seek casual sex as a form of replacement for genuine attachment. Now you have this powerful man being the one controlling the situation and weirdly being obsessed with him forcing him into a sexual relationship.

Stolas came like a little flower, offering him the thing he want in the fucked up way possible, a form of attachment, and now Blitzø is stuck in this situation where he doesn’t want the relationship but still accepts it. First, because, it's for the sake of his job, and second because it’s the only form of “attachment” that he could get. He might as well entertain Stolas with sex long enough just so he doesn't get disinterested in him, for the money and for the sense of false intimacy it provides.

Verdicts

➤ Both are codependent on each other but Stolas is the one in power, he’s the abuser who is projecting his savior fantasies onto Blitzø. Some will say that Blitzø is just as a shitty person as Stolas, what he did to Mox is disgusting but does he deserves to be coerced?

When people said that, it felt like they said “He’s a bad person therefore karma bitch!” no, Blitzø is not meant to be a perfect victim. What he did to other people was awful but it did not have any impact on his relationship with Stolas, whether you like it or not Blitzø is a bad person but he’s also a victim.

Hey! It’s the episode with the best song in the first season!!

So Moxxie and the best girl of the show after Octavia had a little rendezvous in Ozzie in order to celebrate their marriage. Moxxie again proves himself to be a lucky boy.

To which Blitzø decides to stalk them… now I mentioned he’s bad at relationships. The fact that he stalks them can be explained by the fascination he has, he is probably jealous or trying to leave something he thinks he would never have thought them. Which does not justify the stalking or sexual harassment! No, I merely explain why he does it.

Unlucky he is, he needs a partner to continue following them in the restaurant to which he calls Stolas feigning inventing him to a date in order to do so… look, calling someone just so you can use them to stalk your employees without specifying your true intention is bad. He’s in the wrong there.

So Stolas was alone in this castle hinting at his solitude, and got existed when he was asked out. While they were still the annoying flirting and infamous “Blitzy” you cannot say that he did not try a bit to get closer to him. He wanted to have a good time, I mean he thought that Blitzø actually wanted to see him, not just because they had a deal. So you’ll notice that he toned down the flirting a bit.

He was not only aggravated that Blitzø wasn’t paying attention to him, which makes sense in this context because anyone would be pissed if the date that invited them didn't give a shit. But despite this, he is actually trying to have a conversation, with how surprised/confused Blitzø looks, I can only assume that it’s the first time Stolas is addressing him over anything else than bad attempts at sexy talk.

He still fumbled despite his best effort.

They weren’t uncomfortable until Asmodeus, a figure of great authority, pointed them out. To Blitzø this means one thing, he is something that Stolas will love to brag around among the lesser, he will toy with him and use him as he pleases but the second their relationship threatens his reputation, the second he will be in the company of the higher folks he will drop him. He’s a kink, a toy to be ashamed of.

You can tell me all you want that this is not what Stolas wanted to convey but the comparison feels so much clearer when Millie and Mox are in the picture. They are unapologetically sweet to one another not caring about anything or the judgments of people, Millie literally knocked out Fizz to protect her husband! Then you have Stolas who’ll brag about how hot Blitzø is, but not too much to make sure it does not reach higher ears. Blitzø realized this and that's why he refused to stay with Stolas at the end of the episode.

“Hey, now that we’re alone we can act all lovely-dovely, sorry for not defending you earlier but my reputation is more important.”

Because of this gesture, all of Stolas’ attempts at getting close felt like some sort of roleplay the bird was planning, but got cut short the moment he got humiliated. It's why rather than saying “I don't want to spend time with you tonight” he says “I don’t want to fuck you tonight.” Blitzø believes his feelings are getting played again.

Stolas said it, it’s just a transaction, a favor for-favor thing. Blitzø does not want the illusion of being a couple to settle in, and despite all of this he still apologizes for not sleeping with the bird.

He got his confirmation that Stolas could never truly love him, one of the reasons being societal. He’s dead set on keeping this relationship as it is.

Verdicts

➤ Blitzø once again used Stolas to entertain his immoral behavior, while the stealing of the grimoire wasn’t immoral because it was for the sake of his companies. Dude literally just wanted to stalk his employees, what the hell dude? He takes the L.

➤ Stolas isn’t the reason for this rendez-vous and actually came with genuine interest, intending to actually have a genuine conversation with Blitzø to flesh out their relationship. But he just dug his own grave and he proved to Blitzø that he was just a toy, a toy to be ashamed of and only used in private to whiting the minority he belongs to.

Honorable mentions

➤ At the beginning of Harvest Moon, during Stolas and Blitzø's conversation, it is implied that it’s not the first time that Stolas advanced the dates of their meeting to align with his princely duties. Now I want you to think of one thing, how many times do you think Blitzø had to completely drop everything he was doing just so he could reluctantly go fuck one bird without even respecting the schedule. And I’m insisting on the “reluctant,” Blitzø cannot say just “no” to the sexy part, he can’t just drop the books no he has to have sex with Stolas.

➤ People take the scene in Truth Seekers where Stolas got all big and angry as proof that he cares about Blitzø, potentially meaning that he was watching over him and decided to intervene to save him.

Not only does he call him “Impish Little Plaything” reducing him once again to the role of toy and dehumanizing him completely, but what does he do after traumatizing the agents? He asked for a little “thanks” When you do something genuinely nice you do it from the kindest of your heart. Blitzø obviously did not see any other possible so he slept with him to satisfy him.

➤ When rewatching the show I noticed something all the way through the first episode of Truth Seekers. When Stolas starts aggressively flirting with Blitzø, his natural reaction is to call out of his bullshit which unfortunately falls on deaf ears. In Western Energy he even allows himself to push Stolas away when he’s too touchy. (at 0:33)

However, in Truth Seeker, we can see he’s still uncomfortable/annoyed but doesn’t do as much as he did in the first episode. He got used to Stola's behavior and stopped trying to assert boundaries, he knows the Prince won’t listen anyway.

➤ People in Western Energy were angry at Blitzø for not jumping on his horse to fulfill Stolas’ fantasies of being saved by him.

First of all, he mentioned that he had a shot to give to Loona, an appointment that took him five fucking years to get. So yeah, sorry I ain’t available to save your ass.

Second, Stolas has a legion of demons he rules over (S2/Ep.1 = 1:32) why the hell would he call that one random imp who has a life outside of him? He even has the nerve to say “I think you should come save me.” (S2/Ep.4 = 2:00) bitch call one or two members of your legion maybe?!

Third, not only did Blitzø apologize for being rightly busy with his own life but, just because he was worried, and also for the sake of his business, he sent Millie and Moxxie to get him. He still assured that help was in the way without asking for anything else unlike someone.

The “passionate fortification” gone wrong

Stolas realized that coercion is bad and decided to ask Blitzø to meet him so he could have a proper conversation about the unhealthy nature of their deal and… oh. Wait…

Stolas: I’m sorry if anything I said or did may have offended you tonight. Blitzo: ITZ WUTEVS Stolas: Next time you come over. Maybe we can talk about what happened at Ozzie’s? Blitzø: Y? Stolas: I’m sorry nevermind. It’s not a big deal. I was just worried about you. You seemed very upset and you took off so fast. But maybe I read too much into that. I’m glad that it’s not the case. I wasn’t upset either I just wanted to make sure you weren’t and obliviously you can handle any stupid joke a clown can make. Asmodeus can be very invasive with his humor. But I thought it was pretty funny. What he said about me at least. I enjoy being the subject of the jest. Maybe you can say mean thing s to me too the next time you come over. If you want? Blitzo: SHUR

→ HERE ← is a link to other much-needed phone calls between these two.

Stolas does show some levels of care in those banters and seems to be driven by wanting to respect Blitzø boundaries. Those happen in parallel with him realizing that the deal he made was fucked up so he wanted to give Blitzø is the choice. The fact that Blitzø did not acknowledge these attempts as genuine affection was explained earlier, in Ozzie he basically got the confirmation that every Stolas is acting like that it’s just to fuck with him.

Right now after what seemed to be months where Stolas gave him the choice he deliberately chose to stay away from him before coming back to the full moon, Stolas failed to do one thing to convey the seriousness of what they were gonna adress.

That little piece of lyrics from Blitzø let me once again think that this was Stolas who asked for the meeting using the full moon as an excuse. Considering Blitzø was more than happy to get back to square one and how he prepared himself to do the nasty to Stolas, he clearly did not get announced that this wasn’t going to be their casual sex. Which is a big mistake.

Just to remind everyone, Blitzø uses this relationship to get the feeling of closeness he thinks he’ll never have and doesn’t deserve.

Quoting myself:

“Stolas came like a little flower, offering him the thing he want in the fucked up way possible, a form of attachment, and now Blitzø is stuck in this situation where he doesn’t want the relationship but still accepts it. First, because, it's for the sake of his job, and second because it’s the only form of “attachment” that he could get. He might as well entertain Stolas with sex long enough just so he doesn't get disinterested in him, for the money and for the sense of false intimacy it provides. .”

We the audience know this but Stolas doesn’t. But even without this knowledge, why would you not mention that you do not want sex but serious talk? Be for real! Miscommunication is when you fail to convey information, he did not try to tell him beforehand that this was gonna be serious!

So Loona essentially planted the seeds in Blitzø’s head that Stolas was getting bored of him, and well… it fucked with his mind, so how does he respond when the unintended suddenly serious talk happens? With denial then anger.

Can he seriously expect sincerity from Stolas? To Blitzø, there are two solutions, Stolas is roleplaying with him or he’s throwing him away after his fun. It’s the worst-case scenario, he had the power, he put Blitzø to shame stripped him away of his pride, constantly belittled and tossed him to the role of toy, a toy he cannot show off to royalty because of his statue. And then what? Does he leave him after everything?! Seriously?!

And Stolas?

He understood coercion was bad and we can give him the thumbs up for that. He fucked up on everything else, first because it’s the only thing he seems to acknowledge, he only reflects on the unfairness of the contract and not how his past behavior hurted Blitzø.

When Blitzø started going to roleplay, rather than stopping him and further showcasing the seriousness and sincerity of his action he just left like he got a full fleshed-down answer.

You dropped a bomb so suddenly, out of nowhere, using the pretext that you two were going to fuck and you expect him to proceed with this information in a matter of seconds?! Not only did you not leave Blitzø at least a few days to prepare himself psychologically by saying that the night wouldn’t be about sucking your ass for once, but you go and abandon the ship when you don’t get a desired answer?! What the hell is wrong with you?!

The bitches are fighting now

Why did Blitzø come back to Stolas if he hated him so much?

Trauma Bounding

Trauma bonding is when you feel a deep attachment to your abuser. In my opinion, this is what happens here.

This is the relationship Blitzø thinks he deserves, he feels entitled to Stolas because Stolas is what he has coming. He ruined the lives of all of his past lovers/hookups, and his family hates him, yes his friendship with an old crush was fixed but it’s a very minor improvement when you compare it to the years of self-deprecation Blitzø suffered from. Stolas is a prince, Blitzø cannot ruin his life, he cannot blow him up like he did with Fizz, he cannot run away from him, he cannot do anything but please him.

From having sex with him, he gets the semi-form of love he’ll never have with the guarantee that he won't be able to leave. He gained a fully long-lasting “relationship”, a toxic one but it’s better than nothing.

But now that he has the choice, the Asmodeus crystal, with his mind so ingrained in the idea that Stolas is the only thing he deserves, he tries to reinstall the only thing he seeks in this. Intimacy. Stolas doesn't reciprocate, which is surprising.

“You usually like it when I talk all dirty, and fucky, and shit.” (S2 Ep.9/0:52)

Blitzø doesn’t want to lose his VIP pass to a semblance of what love could look like, he can still stalk his employees but it would be drastically different from actually acting on his frustration.

But less talking about Blitzø, why is Stolas so upset with Blitzø? Because despite everything  that happened he still can see that he is genuine. He’s frustrated that Blitzø cannot see it outside of sex.

Honey, you put yourself into this situation.

Must I remind you of the “favors for favors” thingy, you were the one who initiated sex as the center of the relationship? In addition, you ruined the image he has of you. You refused to listen to his complaints when you were aggressively flirting and touching him, and you built this image of superiority and dominance over him with your actions, which nullified all of your attempts to try and be soft because it’s simply not possible to think that you could be genuine with him.

Now you have the chance to apologize and listen to him, but you choose to be sassy and hold the most hypocritical speech I have ever seen.

Watch me lose hours of my life dismantling some of his bullshit:

“As shocking as this might seem, Blitzo- I don't think I'm in the mood to "do sex" with you. In fact, I don't think I'm even in the mood to do words with you! So, how about you respect that?”

And I’m sure Blitzø wishes he could have said the same thing to you multiple times, while Blitzø is clearly disrespecting Stolas’ boundaries here, you cannot tell me how hypocritical that sounds from him.

“I don't look down on you! How many times do I ha- When have I ever?! You speak just like that vile Striker friend of yours. The one who tried to kill me and you couldn't be bothered to come help me. Remember him?”

Imagine changing the subject when the conversation had absolutely nothing to do with Striker. Isn’t Stola's award of the racism toward imp in the society? I mean, he can not be aware of his own bigotry, but why does he sound so surprised when someone points out how royals and even himself talk down to Imps? Granted, Striker was torturing him while doing it, but with Blitzø? That should have been the moment when he realized that maybe he was racist without realizing it. You know a self-reflection you make by actually thinking about what the other is telling you rather than dismissing them.

“I suppose you are right, silly me. It's not an imp's place to protect a Goetia, is it?”

You own a legion of powerful demons, why do expect an imp to constantly save you?

“That's all you were waiting for, wasn't it? For me to play into this idea you have of me that I'm this prince who thinks he's so much better than you. Well, I don't! Why would I allow everyone to see how much I like you? How I've tried so fucking hard to spend time with you, to support you? You don't owe me those things, but you can't just ignore all that!”

I explained most of these things already, but my question is why bother? Why are you wasting your time and energy on someone not reciprocating your feelings when you could redirect them to your daughter?

– Oh, you think I can't apologize?! For what?! You want me to be like- Oh, sorry, this entire time I assumed the worst because I was convinced a prince could never love someone like me and I've let my self-hatred stop me from apologizing to anyone I could ever care about! – Well, yes. That.

I… yeah I’m absolutely going to make you apologize when I’m partially the cause of why you see me that way. What? Apologize myself? Ah! No.

“Do you feel any kind of remorse for what you do?”

Also Blitzø: “Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time. *voice breaking* But, I just, I-I can't do it tonight, okay? I'm sorry.”

“Stolas, wait! I'm s-”

The last verdicts

My final thought will start with a question, where is the love?

This fandom and the series are constantly beating us with the allegation that this is just a miscommunication issue that is going to be fixed at the end!

They are soulmates, everyone!

You know what I see? I see a man unable to face his issue himself and projecting his savior fantasy onto a stranger leading him to eventually trap this other person in a shitty deal just so he could fulfill his dream. On top of that, the person he trapped clearly doesn’t give two shit about him, and seeking the comfort they provide made him neglect the important parts of his life. AKA his child. He’s waiting energy on someone who doesn’t care and torturing this person at the same time.

I see another man trapped in a shitty deal, unable to leave because his life depends on it and because he deeply believes that it’s the only form of love he could get, so he simply content himself with it. Despite not being 100% in control, he still finds little cracks where he can manipulate the one who has the power in order to do immoral shit.

How romantic, but seriously…

Where the hell do you get the conclusion that yay they bone and love each other?! They are two miserable people searching for consolation in a very destructive situation! Not only is the narrative using the most badly affected in the relationship as a punching bag but it is also trying to fly over the radar and showcase this mess as an endgame. A match made in Hell, everyone!

What could have been a powerful story exploring how childhood trauma can let two people fall into a toxic relationship just so they could cramp onto each other to feel the warmth of the flesh turned into… whatever soap opera subgenre it is.

What should have happened is that Blitzø should have realized that he deserves a better form of love, he has a daughter and a friend who cares about him, if anything he should seek to rebuild healthy dynamics with his family and with himself.

Stolas should have realized that one of the many factors of his misery is himself and should have focused on the things that matter, his daughter and mental health. By the end of season 2, they should have separated realizing how they both fucked, mostly Stolas. Season 3 would have been based on their healing journey and how they are focusing on it before seeking relation.

But no… apparently, what they have is love, they are miskomunicatatatin… and they should fall in love to fix all of their issues. Yay! Season 2 is about the end and it's way too late to hold Stolas accountable for everything I’ve mentioned up there, with how the narrative focused on beating the dead horse that is Blitzø, I’m getting the vibe that when they address Stolas it will never feel truly satisfying.

Anyhow, I’m gonna sleep now, rewatching Helluva Boss again and again gave me a migraine.

And → HERE ← you can find a good video, it helped me with the making of the script and the channel is too underrate, go support them.

[marengogo]

UGH!-7: … Time To Pack It All Up, Y’all!

Be Mine (English Version) - by Jimin  [Be Mine (English Version)]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

⚠️TW⚠️: I’m usually vulgar, but in this post, I might have outdone myself .

My dearest Gurls, Bois and Enbys, 

How’s everyone been doing? Are you enjoying Muse? Are you looking forward to RUN JIN? Are you ready for Are You Sure?!? Oh, let 👏🏾 me 👏🏾 tell 👏🏾 you 👏🏾, the excitement is way too real and I can’t even that's literally all the words I can fathom for now, I’m terribly sorry! That being said my Darlings, I’m afraid today’s blog will have to address a point I’m now realising that I must address, and I quite frankly assumed I wouldn’t have to, given that I am part of The Community and all. You see, there seems to be many Gladiators that wander into my neck of the woods completely misguided.  

They seem to think that my blog exist just so I can be present if one day JM and JK have sex on national TV, so that I can gloat in the faces of the Capulet enemy as I slay them with my mighty, and metaphorical, sword and bathe in their “blood” while I celebrating with fellow Montagues. Well, it is with a heavy heart, and great sadness, that I must inform you that frankly my dear, I don’t give a fuck, about none o’dat. Statements such as “Clearly JM has been single” like this Gladiator over here →  [LINK] or “JK has been fucking pussy every hour, every minute, every second” as the rest of Twitter ARMY believes or “They’ve been living together and have 100% been a couple since 2015, if you'd believe they are definitely real, why are you here...” like others on this app can really miss me, cause;

I 👏🏾 DON’T 👏🏾 GIVE 👏🏾 A 👏🏾 FLYING 👏🏾 FUCK 👏🏾.

The reason why I built this little nest in these treacherous woods is because, upon a sudden realisation, while looking at JK & JM, after careful observation and educated guessing, it started to feel like “Oh, hold on a minute … There might be something there …”. The idea that within this band that I adore there might be someone who is part of the community, like me, literally had my head implode, and not only that. It would appear that two particular members who seem to bring out the best in each other, as well as within those whom they interact with, might in fact be in this possible queer relationship, would make it even better, since we all love a stunning and powerful couple.

So yes, I am indeed here for the representation of it all. I’m not sure how many can relate, but as a minority in so many aspects of life, race, gender, sexual orientation etc, the feeling of having a fellow minority out in society who has the means and the will to live there life openly because coming out isn’t a must, we have the right also to not come out if we don’t want to as a minority is very positive and encouraging for all the rest of us, regardless of whether or not we decide to eventually come out or not. 

Though there’s obviously been many others who’d come out before Matt Bomer, he is the one coming out I will never forget. I loved White Collar like borderline obsessed. I watched it when it came out and it was my favourite guilty pleasure show before Suits. What I loved the most was watching him and Tim DeKay interact behind the scenes or during bloopers with the rest of the cast too, goofy as hell! And then in 2012 (three years in) Matt finally came out and took me by a storm, the fact that he had been able to keep his husband and three children hidden for all that time was also 🤯🤯🤯.

Once again, many others had come out before him Ricky Martin, for example, in 2010 but because White Collar was such a big part of my life, I was so ecstatic, it felt like a friend came out. It was also so great to see how much everyone on set, and the fans, were supportive and how much freer and happier he’s been since then. When Mew and Tul confirmed their relationship last month just a couple of months after Thailand legalised gay marriage y’all should have seen my face, I couldn’t stop grinning. All the speculations, the pictures, the public trips, etc etc etc. Anyways, they’ve both gone through quite some drama in the previous years, Mew in particular, so I am indeed quite happy for them.

So if JM and JK are not dating, or there isn’t a single queer person in the whole of bangtan and all have girlfriends and wives, or there are queer tannies and they are dating other queer people, or whichever other possible combinations, as long as they are happy, so will I, because I am first and foremost an OT7 ARMY and all I will always want is their happiness. I am thus afraid that you will not see me shed any tears, nor hear any miserable barking, in this neck of the woods; so~rry.

Guess I’m not packing up after all next time I’m bringing out my luggage best be for my trip to Japan …! So, in conclusion, and just as a reminder for anyone passing by as well, this has been, still is, and will always be a Possibly Queer until proven Definitely Straight safe space, as well as a space where amongst plenty other things obviously all things queer can and will be gracoiusly discussed and analysed to my discretion; You di~g?

Always respectfully yours 🫰🏾💜,

Marengo.

[nyancrimew]

fucked up sorta intoxicated long vent

cw: uuh mental health, drugs, suicide mentions, very much is just an existential crisis put into post form

this is not a suicide note or anything, im about to go cuddle up with my wife and go to sleep i just had to get my fucked up thoughts out, i might delete this tomorrow

meaning

it's so hard to find meaning in life anymore. i live for those around me, for those i love, those who love me back. yet i keep hurting them, everything keeps falling apart. i live out of spite, i cant let authority win. yet im slowly giving up my cause. i live to prove a point. ive long forgotten what point it even is anymore.

there hasnt really been any new compelling reason to keep going in over 10 years now. i honestly wonder how much it even really takes anymore to drive me to suicide. it can't be that much, im already always living on edge.

i just barely know who i even am anymore, ive largely forgotten the first 20 years of my life, and the last 3 are mostly just fog as well. forced to live in the moment, carrying all the baggage of all the previous moments i dont even have memories of anymore.

how are people just like able to keep living, regularly finding joy. how are people able to deal with bad times without immediately pondering all the ways in which they could kill themselves in?

god i need therapy so fucking bad. i keep dragging down everyone around me. how can i fix all the damage ive done, a sorry won't do. how can i fix all the damage done to me, no sorry will ever do.

why are the only options to just keep going, ignoring all the pain, or ending it all forever. where is the restart button, where can i reset, rewind, apply what ive learned to the situations where i fucked up. how do i go back and undo all the trauma. the trauma i experienced myself and the trauma i put on others.

we're all just lost children in a world not made for us. where is our world. where is the place in which we can find solace. your arms make me feel safe, and at home. but i know you feel the same way i do.

it pains me to know we're in this together, god if only i could bear your pain, if only i could bear everyone elses pain. it hurts me to know you feel this way too. no one should have to know how this feels. i wanna take on all the pain in this world so i can leave and turn the world around.

am i just failing at being a part of this society or is society failing me. i am like one bureaucratic fuck up away from dying alone on the street with no roof over my head. i cannot be self dependent, why does this society fully expect such a thing of me.

is this all worth it for the few moments of bliss, for sparing the people around me from the pain of losing me. would the pain of losing me be greater than the pain i cause every day?

i am lost. i dont know anymore. fuck i need therapy. or just anything that can fix me. the drugs certainly haven't yet, but at least i also have dependency to fight with now i guess.

yea fuck man idk

[y-rhywbeth2]

Elves: Social Life

Society, family, friends, dating and marriage, blah

Link: Disclaimer regarding D&D "canon" & Index [tldr: D&D lore is a giant conflicting mess. Larian's lore is also a conflicting mess. There's a lot of lore; I don't know everything. You learn to take what you want and leave the rest. etc]

Physiology and quirks | Names & Clans and Houses || Pan-Cultural things: Social life | Time and Age Categories | Homes | Language | Art | Entertainment | Technology || Elven 'Subraces' still a wip || Philosophy and Religion & Pantheons || Half-elves | [WIP]

I hit the point where I'm tired of editing and checking sources, so here's some idea on how relationships work for elves whatever level of coherency it has. There might be more or contradictory information in other novels, but I do not have that much free time.

Mostly surface elves, mostly elves in elven lands. Though it also applies to elven diaspora communities (who do stick together and maintain their culture).

• Elven social life in general, plus greetings and etc

• Gender roles in society (or lack therof)

• Family and terminology

• Dating, sex and marriage That I guess you can use for ideas for your elven pcs or if you're dating the vampire who probably doesn't give a damn about elven social mores, the druid or whoever. idk how much elven social norms matter to Ketheric, but if you want to fuck the villainous old man you could give it a shot.

-

'Elves who lived even in reasonably close contact were so connected to each other through the Reverie and the Weave that they shared at least some shadow of each other’s emotional experiences.'

'As I would think, so shall ye; As I would feel, so shall ye; As I would do, so shall ye; As I would not harm, nor shall ye; As I would, so shall the clan; As the clan would, so shall I; As we would, so shall ye; The People are as one, and never shall I stray from this, nor shall ye, for to digress is to diminish you and your People.' - The Code of the People

There's a balancing act involved in elven societies where personal freedom is greatly prized but at the same time they're very community-centric cultures.

An elf is an individual part of many things: their House, their settlement, their environment, the People as a whole (which includes the Seldarine). The health and wellbeing of all of these things is the health and wellbeing of you, as your elders will teach you growing up.

Regardless of blood relation elves will usually address an elf of same rank and age as siblings; 'brother,' 'sister,' etc. Another term for a young (surface) elven stranger is 'thaes.' Although insofar as I remember I think it's used to address an elf you don't know and just met with that term until you learn their name or title. There's a whole host of titles and honorifics for nobles, elders and important people.

A friend is 'ebrath,' for surface elves and 'abbil' for drow.

There are various nuances and rules governing how to address people, and you can get an idea of their personal opinion on somebody and their politics by whether they use your name and what titles of address they use when addressing another.

Elves prioritise their Clan/House allegiance first and foremost, their homeland second (be that Evereska, or the Wealdath, or Ched Nasad, or wherever), their subrace next, and then the elven people as a whole.

House politics is a whole other post, but suffice to say your House is usually your family, your political party and likely your employer with its own internal culture and laws that you follow, and you'll likely be working in the family business (or one of them). Your personal reputation affects your House reputation, and your House's reputation and the reputation and behaviour of your clanmates also affects your reputation and determines what doors are open or closed to you. If an alehouse is owned by a member of a rival House, or one of their allied Clans/Houses, don't expect service; if a village or hunting grounds is home to a rival House/Clan don't expect a warm welcome there.

The higher your personal rank and the rank of your family, the more the personal-community social symbiosis affects you. What counts as lessening or increasing personal and familial prestige varies by elven culture and what they value.

There's another balancing act in elven culture with really, really deep intimacy and also not intruding on another's personal space. There must be room for quiet and solitude and respecting the individuality of another in between the mind-melding and oversharing.

An elven social circle is often decided by hobbies and careers, where the elves gather together to learn from elves with skills they desire and debate and infodump about whatever hyperfixation they're absolutely obsessed about with those who share it (those who don't share these interests make poor conversation for each other). There will be months, if not years, where individual elves won't be seen or receptive to socialising because they're busy with whatever project they're working on.

Privacy is a concept, but it's not as strong as it is with non-elves. There is no nudity taboo, and a significant amount of elven magic used in daily life, even outside of communion, involves mind reading (usually for security reasons).

Your fuck ups will be remembered. Evereskans at least have no social taboo against plainly discussing the personal business and even the failures of others amongst themselves even if you're standing right there, so you will hear about it and your neighbours will know. It's taboo to be overly frank or cruel to you about it - and most are not intentionally being cruel, just matter of fact - but there will be reactions like pity and scorn all over.

The lack of privacy is actually one of the complaints elves often have about their own culture when it gets too invasive.

Elves are also very good at holding a grudge; forgiveness is not a virtue in a people who relieve their memories over and over every night, including any pain you've given them.

Their in-group thinking also lends itself too neatly to xenophobia. The Tel'Quessir are masters at the sport of us vs them, and choosing 'them' is a betrayal that can garner a response of mass hysteria and violence depending on the nature of the slight (real or perceived), although violence is significantly more likely from elven youth (aged under 100-250ish years old). Aiding an N'Quess against an elf? The height of betrayal.

An elven 'in-group,' usually their immediate community, is often tightly knit even if they don't like each other or spend much time together: the community's young are encouraged to grow up together and be educated together for the first 10-20 years, and shared reverie and the connections of the elven soul joined by the Weave and Sehanine provides a mild empathic link in the background which means that harming another elf in ones 'group' should rebound on the perpetrator to at least some extent. To harm your own is literally to harm yourself.

Elven friends and family usually commune and reverie together, allowing them to know the others' thoughts, memories and personalities almost as well as their own.

Expressing sadism and spite or engaging in violence amongst non-drow (and many dark elves too) is greatly frowned upon, it's considered 'lowminded' and the behaviour of the N'Quess. Even Lolthite drow frown on open violence and conflict within settlements, both for its disruptive effect and because it shows a lack of sense and skill (tavern brawls, military training and slum raids notwithstanding).

All that is far from saying that elves are incapable of resenting or harming other elves, as their long history of bloody disaster shows.

Relieving their memories in reverie means that elven relationships - the good and the bad - are long lasting. An elf remembers their grudges against you because every now and again they get a refresher where they literally reexperience the times you pissed them off. An elf stays in love with you because those early days and emotions stay fresh in their minds.

Exile is a great punishment, and elves encountering others marked such (whether they were exiled for something they did or self-exiled) respond with 'suspicion and hostility.' Exiled criminals and the most severely outcast often take up worship of Fenmarel Mestarine, patron god of said outcasts, and frequently pack up to live in the wilds alone. You can often spot why they're exiled because they often wear a personal token somewhere on their person symbolising it.

Elves usually expect their friendships and romances to be very emotionally intimate affairs where it's normal to know somebody's deepest fears and desires at a degree of knowledge that, say, humans would not volunteer. Friendships go deep. Aside from the racism that's one of the biggest contributors to their aloofness around non-elves. The time it takes to get to know some of them notwithstanding (humans in particular will be senile or dead before your newborn child is legally old enough to vote and elves like to take their time), the concept of losing such close loved ones in only a century or two (or worse, less than one) is devastating and they will relieve a life and loss for hundreds of years after their friends are gone. There's an argument amongst elves about whether a brief lifespan makes it all the more important to make use of that time and that at least they'll have the memories, or whether loving the 'shortlives' is a form of self-harm.

(While the traditional word for non-elves is N'Tel'Quessir, or N'Quess, in human lands the slang word aethen or 'the others' has caught on.)

Worse, N'Quess cannot commune, and so the spiritual connection and intimacy between elves does not exist. For elves, particularly elves not used to non-elves, this can be alienating.

Rule of thumb: Half-elves, gnomes and halflings are the most socially acceptable friends in that order. Elves and gnomes being the most culturally compatible N'Quess, with a respect for community, art and nature, as well as loving a good time. Humans and dwarves are in competition for the elven culture's least compatible, with dwarves generally winning since their cultures often have polar opposite values. Orcs and half-orcs - and other goblinoids -can expect to be viewed as vermin rather than people, though a half-orc might get an extremely racist and condescending congratulations on 'defying their base nature' or some shit. (Whatever elves on the whole think of the dragonborn has never really been discussed, and it's safe to say they don't like tieflings.)

There is a status, Sha'Quessir, the Elf-Friends, granted to non-elves who are loved by an elf (platonically or romantically) and perform some great service for the people which is rewarded with adoption. The individual is, for all social purposes, one of the People and must be treated with the same respect, with the price tag being that they must act as one of the people and share in their concerns and causes (like the grave-robbing of elven burial sites and tombs, the out of control deforestation and loss of elven homelands, etc). They're even allowed to live on Evermeet, and can be recognised by a token on their person called an elfrune.

In terms of politics it's usually a clash between the conservatives who want elvendom exactly as it is and 'always has been' with a clear distinction between the 'right people' and the others and what counts for a 'proper elf,' and the moderates and liberals who chafe under a millennia of tradition and/or think the Tel'Quessir need to join the rest of the world in the modern year before the oncoming future crushes them all.

-

Manners:

Inclining/'bobbing' your head in acknowledgement, or making a brief bow is the equivalent of a handshake.

Elves do not have a tradition of shaking hands, finding it a 'horrific affront' to attempt to grab their hand. Probably something to do with communion usually being initiated by holding hands and the fact that the fingers and palms of the hands are extremely sensitive, so touching hands is probably significantly more intimate to an elf.

Just in general elves do not seem to appreciate being physically touched by people they don't know or trust, and laying your hands on an elf who isn't your friend or family might piss them off.

Elves also have a strong aristocratic bent, which plays a part in their sense of hierarchy (usually more 'gently' established than with non-elves, but present nevertheless).

An elf of lower standing cannot make eye contact with one of higher standing without permission. When a noble passes you part for them and may not overtake them; if traveling by flight, you may never fly higher than a noble.

Walk with the crowd and the flow of traffic, never against it.

A polite farewell is: 'Sweet water and light laughter ['til next we meet].' The response to which is: 'Back soon for soft songs and bright wine.'

When introducing somebody to another person/s you end the introductions with: 'May your meeting and parting be of equal pleasure.' To which the person you're introducing should say: 'My honour is brightened.'

A full formal greeting when approaching strange elves on the road (outside the bounds of civilisation) is translated as: 'Fair be our meeting, for our hearts are light and our swords sheathed, we hold peace in our hands and its light guides us.' Which is to be sung.

Welcome home is simply 'Glad homeagain.'

Pressing foreheads together seems to be a display of affection.

All elven cultures have a custom of exchanging gifts, where the character of the gifter is measured by the value of the gift (such things being judged primarily by their aesthetic beauty and any magic it contains, with its material value benign judged second). It's polite to offer a gift of equal value in return. For the original gifter to refuse the return token in exchange is viewed as odd.

Amongst the dark elves of Ilythiir an exchange of weapons was a display of trust, and sometimes a pledge of service/assistance should they ever be called on,' which may well still exist amongst modern dark elves. Although Menzoberranzan has a variant where you take another's weapon, display your skill with it and hand it back to illustrate 'I mean you no harm' as a peaceful greeting with strangers.

There's a tradition called the Rule of Saving: When one saves another's life, the saviour can invoke a debt which means that the individual owes them their life to do with as they please.

Gender roles:

Rule of thumb, due to their entire pantheon being genderfluid elves tend towards egalitarianism in their societies. If your gods encompass both male and female genders then it's hard to say one is lesser or greater, and some consider androgyny in mortal elves to be a sign of divine favour.

On the other hand that doesn't mean elven societies are totally free of nonsense (and horror).

Many societies also have a slight inclination towards matriarchy (dark elves infamously having more than a 'slight' inclination in the majority of cases); a woman's word often carries more weight in discussions if she chooses to weigh in. Evermeet in particular saw a shift towards matriarchy as Queen Amlaruil grew to become a beloved monarch and ended up with an inner council of advisors comprised of the female elders of the noble houses.

Dark elves are of course infamous for their matriarchies: Lolthites, Kiaransaleen and Eilistraeeans all favour - if not mandate - female leadership. Men are artisans and helpers, women are leaders.

On the flip side there are the patriarchal elven societies.

Aquatic elves have a patriarchal nobility.

At least one city of Vhaeraunites has ignored the part of their god's doctrine that says 'equality' and instituted the patriarchal mirror of Lolthite society.

And then there was the sun elven empire of Cormanthor (which was sun elven by origin and overarching culture, but had significant moon elven population), which was a nightmare where women would bitterly comment that they were good only for arm candy and providing heirs and that many elven men would say they didn't believe women had brains; women couldn't socialise with elves outside of their House without their patriarch's permission, and one woman had a nervous breakdown at the idea of confronting her husband on the grounds that he could very well beat her to death for talking back in public and throw her corpse out the window and then just get a new wife (he does later, hungover, threaten her with a horsewhip for challenging him).

So you know, fun times.

Mostly you're getting full gender equality.

-

Family:

One's family, strictly speaking, is one's Clan (or House, if the family holds noble status (doesn't make every member a noble though)). Aside from your parents, siblings, first cousins, grandparents, uncles, aunts and such you have a network of in-laws, cousins and employees sharing your surname and playing a part in the family business/es. The largest Houses will have people scattered around the world that you've probably never met.

Ancestry is also a very important part of elven identity, and an elf will know the famous and infamous stuff their family got up to. If the fame came from heroism and great deeds then the family will obsess over it, if it's negative press then elves will carry the stigma or do their best to make sure the knowledge never sees the light of day (you do not want word getting around that you're descended from the Vyshaan or Dlardrageth, for example.)

That's your ancestry and Clan or House, but the immediate blood relations, and likely the people who raise you, are your Blesséd.

Due to their lifespans and low fertility rates, siblings rarely grow up together since it's likely that older siblings will be adults by the time they get any. Educating and watching over the family's children is often a task for the elderly, who can no longer work, so that they can still make use of their centuries of experience and contribute to the community.

Family lineage tracks matrilineal and patrilineal. Except for most drow, who only track matrilineal.

For the drow I only know of the words for mother and father ('Ilhar' and 'Ilharn')

For surface elves (for most of which there are no gender neutral variants given):

Parent: O Child: Sum Cousin: Tyss Cousins: Tyssir

Brother: Tan Sister: Nys Daughter: A'Sum Son: E'Sum Granddaughter by daughter: A'a'sum Grandson by daughter: E'a'sum Granddaughter by son: A'e'sum Grandson by son: E'e'sum Niece by sister (sister-daughter): A'Su'Nys Niece by brother ('brother-daughter): A'Su'Tan Nephew by sister (sister-son): E'Su'Nys Nephew by brother (brother-son): E'Su'Tan

Matrilineal line: Mother: O'Si Grandmother: I'Osi Grandfather: I'Osu Uncle: Osi'Tan Aunt: Osi'Nys

Patrilineal line: Father: O'Su Grandmother: U'Osi Grandfather: U'Osu Uncle: Osu'Tan Aunt: Osu'Nys

-

Dating and marriage

'The love of an elf is a deep and precious thing. Misused or spurned, it can be deadly. Realms have fallen and been sundered for love, and proud elder houses swept away. Some have said that an elf is the force of his or her love, and all else just flesh and dross...' - Shalheira Talandren (who is a bard so is perhaps being a touch melodramatic as her trade demands)

Like many non-human people, elves referring to their sexual and romantic partners translate the terms in common as 'mates' and the act of sex as 'mating.' (Dwarves, orcs, dragons and vampires also refer to their SOs as mates... although that vampire was an elf, so maybe it's just certain vampires. I don't know about gnomes and halflings but it's the preferred terminology for many demihumans and nonhumans).

You can also call your partner damia, an endearment equivalent to 'darling' or 'sweetheart' or whatever.

This is one of those things where it depends on the writer, but apparently some degree of demisexuality is very common for elves, where it can be a cultural norm to be baffled as to why you'd lust after somebody when you have no affection for them.

'Her men, however, were staring at Takari with such a look of feral hunger [...] Under the circumstances, they could hardly have developed any feelings of love for her, so it was hard for an elf to understand why the mere sight of her naked body should inflame their passions.' - The Summoner.

Somebody wearing revealing clothing or dressed naked would not be seen as advertising a desire for sex, that's just how they're dressed.

They also apparently have lower sex drives, which I suppose could make sense for a longer-lived species.

Courting will involve trying to impress upon the object of your affection the sincerity and depth of your feelings with songs - or poetry if you've failed as an elf and really can't sing - and dancing.

If things are moving towards the erotic then the dancing starts to take on that tone.

There is a form of acrobatic dance amongst elves that involves the dancers wearing nothing but body oil and bells, tied to their bare limbs and beaded into their long hair (which is worn loose), and this dance will often be performed with the aid of a fly spell or some equivalent.

Such dances are actually used in public performances, so while they might be sexual (or not) they aren't necessarily seen as inappropriate (though they can get grumbles from sun elven elders about how back in their day they didn't have this kind of impropriety).

Just in general it seems like elves like bringing magic into the bedroom, but aerial sex seems a popular choice from what I've seen on elf sex.

And ears and apparently hands are erogenous zones.

'On the subject of giving pleasure to elven maids, [the diary] mentioned using one's tongue gently on the palms of the hands and the tips of the ears.' - Elminster in Myth Drannor (despite the 'maidens' part it applies to elves in general)

For lovers who decide to engage in Rapport/aleiryid and bind their minds and souls in a permanent empathic link, the terms 'spirit-deep mate' and 'life-mate' have been used. 'Aleiryid' itself may be a noun for such a partner, and can only be used to refer to a life-mate.

Elves, regardless of how committed they are - eternally psychically linked or no - still generally expect to be given their personal space just as with any other relationship between elves.

In terms of monogamy vs polygamy, sun and maybe moon elves may be more inclined to monogamy and green and wood elves towards polygamy.

Green elves, and by extension most wood elves, default to polyamory. Jealousy is perverse and will disapprove of displays of such possessiveness and flirting and love are just parts of the joys of life. Which isn't to say they don't feel it, but the green elven approach to a love rival is basically, to quote one character, '[they'll] have to share!' The sylvan elves of the High Forest usually dance in trios rather than pairs.

Moon elves probably vary on that cultural norm; there's been an occasion where a moon elf pov character can be read as uncomfortable with polyamory, but on the other hand the silver elves are also infamous for their love of freedom and hedonism, and said character notes his own moon elven father would not begrudge his green elven ex-wife her flirting. Also in moon elven pantheon Corellon has a Queen who is simultaneously three people, so there's a religious argument to be made for 'the gods approve of polyamory' I suppose. As oathbreaking is considered one of the greatest sins possible in moon elven cultures one imagines that infidelity (and definitely breaking your marriage vows) is also very high on the taboo list, regardless of what the relationship set up is - Fun is important, but if something matters enough to make a commitment for it you keep your fucking commitment.

The dark elves of Menzoberranzan have usually been portrayed as serial monogamists, with a side of 'women can fuck as many men on the side as they like.' Dark elves in general don't expect a pairing to last forever.

Sun elves, I'm not so sure. They have a very strong emphasis on lineage and house politics and frown on 'philandering' though so legitimate marriages, family duty and knowing who the parents are is important regardless of monogamy vs polygamy.

Marriage ceremonies are most popular during Midsummer celebrations.

Elopements are most popular on nights of the full moon, when Hanali is supposed to bless your union with good fortune.

In common elves stick to the translations of 'spouse,' 'wife,' 'husband.' 'Consort' crops up, probably refers to nobles spouses.

Between moon elves at least, marriage can be a very simple procedure: you weave a flower crown and place it on your lover's head. That's it, you're married now. You don't need any witnesses or officiants; the prince of Evermeet married his human girlfriend by placing a flower crown made of laurels on her head in the middle of the woods during a private moment. None of the nobility nor his mother approved of him having a human girlfriend nor would they have permitted it, but doesn't matter: flower crown. Generally though there is more ceremony surrounding weddings

There has also been mention of handfasting too, which may be a similar deal, just with trying ribbons around your enjoined hands rather than putting flower crowns on your head.

If you want to bring a high mage into it - which is unusual in the modern era, when they're almost extinct - marriages have also involved the arcane.

Marriages, formal and informal, are performed by priests of Hanali Celanil who are bound by their faith to help you regardless of what society thinks - all lovers must be protected. I suspect most marriages take place under the moonlight, since elves seem to be lunar-centric, but that's just an assumption.

Entering into u'aestar'kess was a popular marriage tradition in love matches, a magical linking much like Rapport/Aleirin, but the enjoined beings can - through concentrating - engage in true 'verbal' telepathic communication. If one of the bonded is in danger then their connection will also alert the partner, who will generally stop at nothing to get to them. Also unlike aleirin u'aestar'kess permits two bonds to exist rather than just one.

Creating an Aestar'Khol was also a popular way of getting married - the ritual wove an oath, in this case marriage vows, into tangible existence in the form of a stone the size of a fist and likely in the shape of a statuette, though a quicker casting will produce a rock covered in inscriptions of the vow. It also allows the spouses to know that their partners are faithful, because breaching contract causes the vowstone to shatter.

Some elves, namely nobles, do arrange marriages, it's a useful way of calling dibs on particularly promising mages, warriors, priests, artisans and etc by having them marry into your House. There's also historical precedent for crackdowns on arranged marriages because squabbling and intrigue over powerful wizards was getting idiotic. If your family picks out a spouse for you you don't have to marry them, but you may face social and financial repercussions from your refusal. Not always though; some nobles, even sun elves, have turned their nose up at tradition and married non-elves and had half-elven heirs without losing too much prestige.

A holy order in the service of Hanali, the Chaperones of the Moonlight Tryst, are rogues and rangers who are tasked with discretely safeguarding elven lovers from those who would interfere with them or use their relationship for some end (blackmail or some other intrigue, for example). They can also be called upon to help arrange secret meetings between star-crossed lovers and aid elopements.

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 5-1, Part 1/5 (p. 1989-2099)

Read the previous post here.

Well the last post got a much more positive reception than I expected, so that's a relief. Anyway, get the grey face paint ready, because it's time for Act 5-1.

Alternian script is the Daedric alphabet from The Elder Scrolls series flipped upside down, which I'm sure most fans know already. The user tries entering "Turdodor Fuckball" for the planet's name.

Interestingly, the correct name is not "Alternia" but "Trollplanet." Is that what Alternia translates to into English? There's like zero discussion at all about troll language because Hussie did not give a single shit about developing this alien society beyond "grey violent humans with horns."

Right out the gate, Karkat's intro leads with his key character trait: his crippling self-loathing. Everything about him, from how he excessively plays up his competence and knowledge to his naturally angry and defensive disposition, stems from the fact that he views himself as a defective freak that constantly needs to prove himself.

His interests are similar to John's. He likes bad movies, specifically romcoms, which ties into his greater passion for romance and the study of interpersonal relationships as a whole. He also has an inexplicable interest in programming. It's at least implied that Karkat only attempts to learn so he can try to compete with Sollux in a futile rivalry. The reason why John likes to program is anyone's guess.

His greatest dream is to join the Alternian military, which is probably the only viable career path for someone of his pariah status. He's constantly in danger of being culled, so he wants to prove to the Empire that he's more valuable to them alive rather than dead. In order to preserve his life, he's willing to serve them and become a tool they can use to further their intergalactic conquests.

"Trolls think fashion is stupid." A simple phrase that is regularly ignored by people who create fantrolls with garish and elaborate outfits.

A good programmer would have no trouble with this modus, so Karkat forces himself to use it until he gets good. Even though it's frustrating and causes him misery, he's so stubborn to prove himself as a good programmer that it reaches the point where Sollux has to take it away from him. Probably because it has become too much of a hindrance. IDK, we never see much of the trolls' session to find out, which is a fucking shame.

Karkat's stubbornness is also a key part of his character. See also: his trolling scheme of trolling John backwards through time is something he admits is stupid, but he continues to go through with it. He will admit he's wrong, often begrudgingly and self-deprecatingly, but will double down and refuse to change course despite that. Giving up is synonymous with failure, something he is deathly afraid of.

If Karkat is so afraid of letting his blood color become known, why does he have candy-red awnings outside his hive? He might as well have a big sign alerting everyone that a mutant lives there.

Everything about Karkat has to be big, flashy, and important. His huge ambitions compensate for his self-loathing so that others don't view him as the worthless mutant he sees himself as. He has to prove that he is a good programmer, he is a strong leader, and he will be the best threshecutioner in the whole military!

This pretty much summarizes what Karkat wants in life: to overcome caste discrimination and gain prestige and respect.

It's tempting to call Will Smith Karkat's "patron black celebrity" but I won't because 1) that whole thing doesn't carry over to the trolls, and 2) this is actually relevant to Karkat's character and not some bizarre, nonsense """joke""" like with the kids.

I've always been a big fan of "angry/uptight guy" and "goofy dumb guy" dynamics, and Karkat and Gamzee fit that to a T. Even though Karkat is extremely rude to Gamzee, he doesn't ever dispute the notion that they are in fact friends. Their friendship is being treated as an established fact, something Karkat uses an excuse to further whinge about how much his life sucks.

Gamzee drops his typing quirk momentarily. This doesn't happen often in the comic, but it's something trolls only ever do when they're close to someone, if they want to express something serious, or both.

Even before the introduction of quadrants, we see hints of a pale dynamic between them. Gamzee is the perfect sounding board for Karkat's vents, doesn't object to the verbal abuse being slung his way, and is implied much later on to be a somewhat of a calming source for Karkat. Yes of course I ship them pale. I just think they're neat, okay? <> :)

Gamzee very inelegantly changes the subject after mentioning Sollux and Karkat's friendship. Karkat may be Gamzee's best friend, but Sollux is Karkat's best friend. That must be a sore spot for him. But beyond this, we never ever see what Sollux and Gamzee's relationship might be like. It would've been nice if Gamzee was more jealous and protective of his best friend/moirail and not like it when Karkat shows more favor to anyone else.

Gamzee and Karkat's dynamic is something that I believe Hussie wanted to set up throughout the Act so that their eventual confrontation would have a bigger payoff, but he fumbled massively with the execution. Either because he doesn't really give a shit about Gamzee, or through sheer inept writing, I can't say. But it sucks because there's definitely a lot of potential here.

They're the first trolls to interact in this new Act, but they don't really ever talk much after this point. They're only ever seen together sporadically and it's implied a handful of times that they're closer than Karkat is willing to let on, but there's never anything beyond that. They really needed to speak more so their relationship could be fleshed out. I'll talk more about this as I move along because this lives in my brain rent-free.

It's really dumb how Gamzee's "rather obscure cult" ended up turning into a religion that pretty much every purple blood follows, but I'm not going to talk about post-canon garbage. I get a headache just thinking about it.

I do like the Joker Card posters in his room. I had that Riddle Box one in my own room for a time.

He likes to "chat a lot" with Karkat. So I guess they just talk to each other way more than what's shown in the text. Thanks, Hussie.

Gamzee never received a proper upbringing from his guardian and had to essentially raise himself. In the process of this, he became addicted to mind-altering substances. To everyone who says Bro is the worst guardian in the story, I gladly point you all to Goat Dad.

Terezi is being intentionally annoying. I know most of the trolls are assholes, but why do any of them waste their time with Terezi when she makes it a point to be obnoxious? It's even more baffling when people try to paint her as one of the more "well-adjusted" trolls.

Karkat fantasizes about making doomsday viruses, huh? I'm going to keep a pin in this for l8r I mean later...

It's funny how Karkat both admires and envies Sollux. Their relationship is also one that doesn't get a lot of attention, despite ostensibly being the "John" and "Dave" parallels of the troll cast. Oh wait, I guess John and Dave's friendship ended up being really shallow and one-sided too. So this tracks, actually.

Sollux disparages Gamzee's religion and expresses disgust when he suspects Karkat might be a convert. So again, I think there's definitely some conflict between these two. Two of the trolls that Karkat is closest to don't seem to like each other. It makes me kind of wish we got some auspistice action between the three of them.

Even though Karkat is regularly rude to his friends, he still values their company deep down. He might be one of the most personable trolls despite his grouchy attitude. He not only tolerates the obnoxious people in his contacts, he actually considers them his close friends. Gamzee is a total dullard and Sollux is crass and moody, but they're also the ones he's closest to. Out of the main cast of trolls, there's only one whom Karkat actively dislikes and makes no real attempt at being sociable with. I'll talk about that when I reach that part.

"Orchestrating the demise of the wicked" yeah I'm sure John was guilty of being very wicked and dastardly when she sent him to his death.

Terezi has a passion for justice, but keep in mind that "justice" on Alternia is equivalent to sentencing people to death for the pettiest of reasons. So no, she is not at all some moral, upstanding heroine. She's a psychotic gremlin who enjoys killing people if they violate her draconian interpretation of the law. She does not care for defending victims of injustice, she enforces the will of the state.

Part of Terezi's core conceit is that she's this half-assed Daredevil parody. She's 1) blind and has super senses 2) uses a cane to fight, and 3) is a "lawyer." Aside from that, she shares nothing else in common with Daredevil. I imagine Hussie does not know anything about superheroes beyond superficial, pop culture knowledge.

I remember when people loved to portray Nepeta and Terezi as good friends, but Terezi doesn't actually like role playing with her. She treats her like a joke, much like everyone else. Poor Nepeta gets such a raw deal.

In Nepeta's very first speaking appearance, we get a glimpse of her horrible relationship with Equius. Despite the physical distance between them, she's so browbeaten into subservience that she feels the need to ask him for "purrmission" before doing anything. She is scared about expressing her honest desires around him, preferring to skirt around the issue and just blindly hoping that things will work out and he won't get mad at her. It feels like someone trying to wear kid gloves around an abusive partner or parent. Despite Terezi's concerns, Nepeta tries to downplay the issue and pretend everything's fine.

This conversation is honestly sad to read. "But nooo they are bestest friends!" I hear the fans cry as they flock around the flanderized, fluffy art of Nepeta and Equius. Is that why she straight up admits that she's scared of him? Fuck Meowrails. I hate that shit so much. I'm going to spit so much acid every time it rears its ugly head.

We have to constantly be reminded of Terezi's blindness since it really doesn't impact her character in a meaningful way. Sure she can't see, but she can navigate the world around her so adeptly with her super senses that it's a non-issue. Nobody would even notice that she's blind if she wasn't always pointing it out.

Eridan is mentioned as being part of this inner circle that's in the know about Sgrub. Huh.

I'm old enough to remember when Eridan had yet to be revealed and the only information about him was this page. Some people thought he'd be some kind of environmental activist. It's funny to think about now, but I really miss the days when fans would theorize about future updates and unseen characters. All that guesswork and theorycrafting led to some really fun discussions and fanworks. The boundless creativity shown by the fans was what made the Homestuck fandom something really special in those days. And it's something we lost once the comic was finished and Hussie's completed product didn't measure up to the fans' expectations.

I really really miss 2010-11, you guys...

I really have to question the logistics of this convoluted reproduction cycle. If the adult trolls are off-world, how long does it take the drones to transport the genetic material back to Alternia? Are they just zipping all across the galaxy to do constant jizz runs?

None of this really matters because as previously established, the main trolls were not born in this manner. They're all slime constructs born from an entirely separate incestuous slurry from natural trolls. I think Hussie just has an obsession with creatures being birthed from goo or something.

One of the biggest problems with Act 5-1 is this rushed tone it has. It's weird to say because I remember how often people complained about how long the Act was taking to wrap up, but it's true! Hussie really wants to zip through these character introductions without elaborating on any of the worldbuilding he touches upon along the way. It's what makes troll society as a whole feel so shallow and not well thought out.

These characters really needed their own story divorced from that of the kids and Sburb. A story where the Alternia setting could be allowed to breathe and be explored more thoroughly and thoughtfully. I think that would've made for a more entertaining read.

Sollux gets this fake-out intro that's basically a retread of Dave's. Aside from being kind of standoffish and tech-savvy, this parallel doesn't go anywhere. There's little else that connects Sollux with Dave because Sollux is hardly a main character. He is the tech guy who has mood swings, doesn't like to be involved with shenanigans, and has visions of doom that make him depressed. He's a glorified background character.

Okay, "beenary code" is kind of a lame pun, but I do think "silicomb" is clever.

Kanaya lives near the ruins of Alternia's frog temple. Both she and Aradia are kind of the "Jade" of the trolls' session. Aradia by means of doing background plot stuff, and Kanaya through... I suppose theming? Both she and Jade are isolated, considered "outliers" in their culture/friend group, receive regular visions from Skaia, and are the teams' Space players.

It's worth noting how both the "Jade" trolls wind up being the most stoic, unflappable characters of the cast and mostly serve the purpose of being exposition-dumpers and plot devices. Kinda like Jade herself, except instead of being deadpan she's quirky and all over the place.

I feel like this post could've been a lot longer, but I'm limiting myself to only five posts for this Act. I don't want to stretch this project out too long, lest I be yapping about the trolls until the end of time.

Read the next post here.

[shieldfoss]

I am near tears, and consequently so fucking mad, about the state of our digital environment right now. (Hi mom!)

For backstory, I am a pretty good programmer. My mother is one of the smartest people I know - I... think I am smarter? But I wouldn't put money on it.

"STEM bro think's he's smart, is also a mama's boy" - ok fair, so for social proof:

She splits her time between consulting and writing advisory papers for government policy now that she's sold her part of the company and "retired," and me, you might have seen if you trawl youtube looking for people giving programming talks to live audiences.

But I mean. She is retired. Past retirement age really.

And I spent all afternoon helping her set up her new computer, through a mess of password policy stuff, harddisk encryption, google and microsoft unexplained-and-unexplainable 2FA account bullshit, the whole fucking works.

And we got there. We got there.

By which I mean "After three or four hours of getting help from what would otherwise be stupidly expensive billable hours, one of the smartest women in the country finally succeeded in not losing all of her very important accounts during a computer replacement." My dad was barely any help at all despite an entire career of using computers - he stopped 10 or 15 years ago and he's out out.

This is what we offer people? This is what we require of people, if they want to participate in modern society?

How the fuck does anybody survive this? How do regular people manage their insurance, or track their car payments? How the fuck do less skilled people even make it through the day?

Watching the helplessness on my mother's face at one point this afternoon near broke me.

Huh, writing that last paragraph knocked something loose - update the first paragraph of this post, I am not "near tears" I am in fact crying. Guess I found out what it was that bothered me the most.

I don't think it changes anything though - so I'm sad for my mother, but I am mad that this is where we are taking the world - colossal and uncaring automated systems that can change on a dime without your input or acceptance but whose works you must submit yourself to if you want anything but a cold log hut in the middle of nowhere.

[alienpupy]

so i'm a trans guy whos taking sports classes in college. and just from observation. Cis boys in mixed gender sports are so fucking misogynistic.

I'm far along enough in my transition now that i pass almost all the time and the fucking whiplash from how guys in group sports treat me now vs last year alone (when i didnt pass as often) is really horrible. Like obviously I had already noticed how male teammates treated me as a girl but now that they see me as a guy (an obviously queer guy, but still) its like. Oh you guys can actually see your other teammates you just actively ignore the girls on purpose. Jesus christ.

There's a few really short girls in my class this semester, and one in particular i kinda made friends with during the first week. We were in the same team and I made a point to pass her the ball whenever I could, because at the start no one else would. And guess what! She's fast and has a good eye, and with that team we won like 3/4 of the matches we played. The others even started passing her the ball too once they realised she was a decent player.

In today's class the teacher changed the teams, I'm no longer with her, instead shes in a team with the two tallest and most athletic cis boys of the group, and a few other 5' nothing girls. And they're the worst fucking team in the class because the two guys only pass the ball between themselves, and since the girls can fucking tell they're being ignored, they put in like half the effort they would otherwise.

And I'm just reminded of that year of sports class in high school where the boys in my class were so aggressively shitty the teacher had to separate sports into girls and guys teams for the rest of the year. Not because the girls were inately any worse than the guys, but because the girls could fucking tell the guys were actively excluding them from games they were supposed to all play in, so they stopped trying. Because fucking obviously.

I'm honestly convinced that women's sports are only separate because cis men don't feel like they have to play fair against women. Thats a learned behavior. Women have been told their whole lives that men are stronger and they shouldnt even try, so they don't feel like they can. That's a learned behavior. The idea that women shouldn't compete with men but instead be relegated to a secondary, less important category is inherently misogynistic. The problem is in how society treats women, and how it teaches boys to see girls, and how it teaches girls to see themselves.

If you make this post about trans people in sports I'll kill you

[justjesse116]

Hullo, I'm currently sad as fuck and feel like elaborating on why I feel Dabi does what he does speaking from unfortunately personal experience.

TLDR Dabi is autistic af and his family failed him in even more ways than you can imagine.

First and fore-fucking-most, Dabi is driven by emotions, and if you disagree quite frankly we're not following the same story. So, with that in mind, and I need to keep this all brief lest I write a fucking dissertation on the Todoroki family, let me cook.

Between his 'mood swings', as in he's either emotionally detached or psychotic, his entire plan, which involves being, quite literally, 10 steps ahead of everyone else, and that's being conservative, and his thirst-for-justice attitude, Todoroki Touya is autistic. Which I'm sure endeared him to his own family about as much as it did me to mine.

ANYWAY. At this point, Dabi doesn't care what's 'right' or 'wrong'. He doesn't care what he has to do, or who he has to hurt, in order to feel like he's worth something. And even if he does know on some level what he's doing is 'wrong', he doesn't care anymore. The world has shown him that you do something bad, and if you have enough pull, if you lie enough, you scheme enough, it all goes away, and nobody cares, because at the end of the day people need something to cling to. And if that just so happens to be you, you can do no wrong, it's your golden ticket. Your family will defend you no matter what, so will most of your friends, and even strangers who you've never fucking met before.

They all have this idea of this person in their head who doesn't really exist, but it doesn't matter, because that fake person fits their criteria of what they need to feel okay on a daily basis.

So, what I'm trying to say is, as noble as Dabi's cause seems to be, he's never going to be able to overcome human nature. He claims it's 'Hero Society', but that's just a fancy name for human nature. That's not to say I don't think he should do it, every day of my life I wish I had anything as remotely convincing as blue flames to make people listen to me, but unfortunately in the world WE, THE AUDIENCE, lives in, it's never going to happen this way.

I guess this is just a post about me coming to terms with the fact that life in the real world fucking sucks and I can't do anything as impactful as I'd like it to be like it is in my favorite manga lmao.

I guess circling back to my main point, Todoroki Touya is autistic, and those aspects of his personality are what is driving him, that's making him do what he's doing, because even before I knew who he was, before I knew what he was really doing, I clung to him like a limpet because he acted like I do, seemed to think like I do, and I guessed who and what he was based on our (unfortunately) mutual childhoods and tendencies. And again, I'm not trying to seem like I know everything, I've just been around this miserable rock a few more times than I'd prefer, and I think that if he could, Dabi would agree.

But don't mind me, like I said, we're unfortunately, uncomfortably similar, and it's also just bad timing that I'm having a bad time family wise, so I'm probably projecting more than should be allowed.

[snipsnipsnippy]

Alright I’ve been pushed. Now I’m in a Satine Kryze mood. And BOY do I wanna have a chat some of y’all are not ready for.

Satine and the New Mandalorians are the true Mandalorians. Or at least, they were the popular representation of Mandalorians. First things first, I want to remind everyone that the Mandalorian history we have post Clone Wars-era is entirely told by the surviving Mandalorians, who are.. a fringe cult and a terrorist group (ie The Children of the Watch and Death Watch) and any other surviving exiles or enemies (eg Boba and you know, the Jedi). None of these people lived in mainstream Mandalorian society so how are we to believe them on what “true” mandalorian culture is when their beliefs or actions were deemed so radical they were exiled (or in the case of COTW, left on their own accord).

Now, yes, Satine’s position of pacifism is very extreme. No fighting at all ever is a pretty questionable long term survival strategy and an incredibly divisive one, but it’s literally one the mandalorian people defended and accepted and even tried to bring to the Republic. Because considering the historical and political position Mandalore has been in, it was only this extreme strategy that could save it. It literally ended generations of civil wars. It united the remaining mandalorians and built survivable, architecture for the barren world (which probably saved the planet, but that’s a different theory). But Death Watch, you know the party that meant to overthrow and kill her, will tell you that this was an erasure of mandalorian culture and ignorance of their warrior history, but that’s not the kind of warrior we ever see outside of Death Watch.

Everything in mandalorian culture points us to this much more protective survivor, rather than this vindictive sort of conqueror. Foundling culture in the Mandalorians is so profound because it’s something that is so unique to them. Other cultures do adopt nonfamilial members, yes, but Mandalorians do it so wholeheartedly and without question. There’s a baby alone in the woods? I don’t care if it’s 4,000 years old or its a race that hasn’t been discovered yet, that’s your child now. The way mandalorian clans are structured such that a foundling is immediately no different than a blood relative, whether they come from the same species or star system. Nephews or daughters or neighbors are all the same to a mandalorian (and a hot mention to mando’a for throwing out gender biases too). They are fiercely protected and fiercely loved too. Every excess that exists in mandalorian society goes to their children. To their education, their protection, the survival of the next generation was most important to a mandalorian society.

Even something like beskar, their very armor, was prized for protection, not for offensives. There’s a whole lecture on how beskar came to be metal of choice, but it boils down to being, guess what?, the best defense against lightsabers. And we see Mandalorians come out with the best armor design in like literally all of Star Wars armors ever. I’m not joking. It’s made for visibility, for protection, for comfort, and for not dying. Their identity is their armor. Its value and its design is sacred to each clan because it is forged from their history and painted with its battles.

So working back to Satine, who was raised learning all of this history, learning the ways of her warrior people and seeing the culture stray from what was once a people built for surviving and then watching it kill them, watching it tear apart her family and her home, and for a year, it even tore her away from her identity. She stands up to this massive swath of the deadliest fuckers in the galaxy, and she says “no.” She doesn’t raise a sword. She doesn’t point a blaster. She knows how. She was the fucking mandalorian princess. Clan Kryze was deeply respected. Her father died a hero to these people, and for her to stand up without using force or weapons takes a shit load of courage and some uniquely mandalorian stupidity. All to save their future, their culture, and their children. She said “kill me if you wish but spare the kids” and at the time, she can’t be any more than 20 because timelines are rough. She’s probably still just an orphaned teenager herself. This is the wake up call that broke the Mandalorian Civil Wars.

This is the Most Mandalorian stunt a mandalorian has ever mandalorian-ed since Tarre Vizsla himself told off the fucking Jedi.

She’s the savior of her culture, and Death Watch burned it all down because they wanted to kill, not protect. Satine was more a mandalorian than most of the Mandalorians we see. More mandalorian than her sister will ever be, and Bo won’t even speak her name.

[raviolirash]

Do you insert any of yourself into your OCs? Maybe some more than others? Or are all they completely different people than you?

(I'm struggling to make an OC that's not very self-insert like)

This might get rambly lol

I don't care if a character is a self-insert most of the time. As long as it's not shit like YIIK where it's Rantsona: The Game but we don't have time for that rant.

I think putting your own biases and lived experiences into OCs is ultimately unavoidable, and each of my OCs definitely carries a piece of me. They deal with themes of not having an identity after years of abuse, toxic parents, struggling to not become bitter and jaded and cynical, being an outsider and a foreigner, a lot of anger. But they're barely anything like me as a person irl if that makes sense.

I'd wager that a lot of popular hero fictional characters are self inserts at heart. When writing heroes people tend to write characters they want to be. And ain't nothing wrong with that. I also think it's great to base your characters on traits you admire in other people. A hack I guess is to spread it out. Take one trait of yours, make it a flaw, and have the narrative deal with it. But ultimately: fuck all the rules just have fun with it.

Here's my children in brief and how I shaped them in case it helps. Under a ReadMore because jesus christ this got incredibly LONG. I have terminal brainworms. Thanks Larian.

Dalia is a fool. A wood-elf druid who grew up outside of society and was never subjected to any cruelty of the world until the tadpoles happened. She completely unironically believes that she can fill the Hells with flowers. It's a character flaw in the beginning, but turns to an admirable strength as somehow she isn't completely jaded after the harsh journey. She is changed and stronger, but she never became bitter.

On the opposite end, Raga is a tiefling thrown out of the city who is just bitter at the world and wants to become a Creature. Astarion seems normal compared to them. People already stare at them in disgust and fear so why stop. Fuck it! Eat worms! Oh no, I don't want to become a full mind flayer and lose more than I already have. I want to live. Oh shit, oh fuck. Make it stop!

Vėlė is my problem child. I don't need to get into the harsh and dogmatic drow society and make this post longer. Prior to the story she had never been given a painless space to explore her own ideas, or question them, or be taught that they are wrong. As a result she struggles with everything. She is always conflicted about what the right choice is. In the end, she no longer fights to survive for only her own survival as she had been taught. She now fights to survive so that she can fight for her friends and people who can't hold a sword.

Then you go from there when shaping their personalities and speaking patterns and habits they have and mannerisms etc. They might be based on me in their own ways, but none of these chucklefucks speak the way I do. And it's a fun thing to sit down and figure out what kind of person their respective societies would spit out.

Vėlė is a master of survival, and that includes a sharp silver tongue that I wish I had instead of being stunlocked. She will make very bad choices with good intentions because she's struggling to fight a worldview that has done more harm than good. She would be eloquent, as choosing the wrong word meant death back home. When in a relaxed environment like talking to her companions at the end of the night, that stiffness gradually fades away as she can shut off Survival Mode. You might actually hear a joke.

Dalia would be terrible at Common, in turn focusing more on giving gifts and practicality instead of trying to form a sentence when it comes to bonding with her new companions. She struggles as a leader, not being the best speaker. She will always choose to make her point with actions instead. Dalia is not dumb by any means. Ah yes. The struggle of having to do 5D math in order to express yourself in another language. That's nice.

Raga is just angry but a lot of that anger does come from an identity crisis as they have no idea who they are. So it translates to the more they speak the less time to eat worms and modify their body. You can't lose yourself and replace yourself if there was nothing there to begin with. But plot twist: there was something there to begin with.

I better stop this post here thanks for reading lol.

[katarasmomsnecklace]

Someone was talking shit bout Katara again and I'm about to kill people

Warning LONG post sorry

EVERYONE always brings up the "then you didn't love her like I did" scene and you know what in Kataras angry vindicated righteous fury addled mind, that's how she feels

She heard Sokka say he can't remember their mom, that he can only see his YOUNGER sister when he tries to picture her

Katara is fucking fuming because she finally has a chance to hunt down the man that killed their mom and Sokka is trying to stop her and I'm sorry but Sokka CANT understand Kataras pain

While not outright stated, we know Katara knows why her mom died, she's known the whole time.

Her mom died in her place, that is something Sokka will never have to live with

Losing his mother obviously hurt him, duh I'm not going to devalue his trauma, but Sokkas trauma that gets explored in the show is not losing his mom, but his dad.

Another thing I hate is when people say, well Sokkas older so he spent more time with their mom, like way to fuck up your argument because you are saying their love of their mother can be objectively measured.

Also you're trying to tell me in a society dependent on gender roles Katara wasn't spending more time with their mother than Sokka yeah right.

Yall say she needed to apologize (which I completely agree with because at the end of the day it is an awful thing to say to your brother who while not impacted the same way was just as affected as you) but no one is saying Sokka needs apologize for making fun of Kataras waterbending (do yall not understand why she's so passionate about bending her mom DIED because Katara was a bender, Katara thinks she needs to prove that her mother's death wasn't in vain HER AND SOKKA ARE PARALLES Kataras trying to prove herself to their mom and Sokka their dad)

They are CHILDREN they deserve to talk about what they loved doing with their mom and how losing her hurt them differently.

Because they're kids, they can't grasp that grief is different for everyone. They were both so fucked up by her death but in almost opposite ways. Sokka represed that shit so hard it's insane please baby get therapy and Katara lives her life trying to ensure NO ONE forgets their mother's sacrifice.

Sokka forces himself to forget

Katara forces herself to remember

I wish Katara apologized because she was objectively wrong, Sokka did love their mom but he grieves differently. And once Katara returns she understands where Sokkas coming from. She was just angry he wasn't angry because she's a child and wanted to know her emotions and anger were valid but instead felt vilified by the person who was meant to understand.

I wanted to see Katara apologize to, because her and Sokka deserve to hug and cry and scream about how unfair the world is, they deserve to have a mother figure in each other (which they do, they basically raised each other) but I hate how yall say she's unforgivable for this.

Unforgivable really? Yall are too harsh on Katara, it was fucked up, like insanely fucked up but unforgivable?

I guess the point of this post was me asking yall to give Katara some slack especially yall Sokka stans cuz if you hate Katara for this I feel like you don't really get Sokka either.

Obviously they love each other and they love their mom they just have never had the incredibly difficult conversation about how her death still affects them.

Their relationship is everything to me, I just want Sokka and Katara to be happy 😭