#WE ARE ALL GOING TO PRETEND I DID NOT FUCK UP THE INCORRECT EYE

[gffa]

I'm still trying to navigate my way through the absolute avalanche of Arcane fic, but I am here to scream at everyone about the fics I've loved so far and try to drag a few more of you down into this hellpit of feelings with me. It's nice down here, I promise! Totally normal and with soooo many hinges, nothing off a single hinge here!

JAYVIK RECS:

✦ To love is to risk the soul's quiet by Disguised_Bird, jayce/viktor, NSFW, 32.7k     When an anomaly suddenly transports an older, scarred version of Jayce into the Jayce of Viktor's timeline, the two must navigate the strange collision of past and future while grappling with feelings neither fully understands. As they work late into the night to find a way to send Jayce back, tension turns into intimacy, pushing Viktor to confront vulnerabilities he has spent a lifetime burying.

✦ Say My Name by Acryllic, jayce/viktor, NSFW, eventually post-canon, 77.2k wip     “Tell me now if you don’t want this.” He stroked Viktor’s bottom lip with his thumb, “Keep saying my name if you do.”

✦ This ain't goodbye no more, it just began by SirCumference, jayce/viktor, NSFW, 7.1k     After he and Viktor save the world, Jayce wakes up in his old bed on the day it all started. Things are different, this time.

✦ first times, second goodbyes by tragicperformer, jayce/viktor, NSFW, post-canon, 1.6k     “What do you mean pull out?” He teases, the corners of his lips quirking up into a stupid, dopey grin. “I have separation anxiety.” “Yes, I know,” Viktor intones. “We were just discussing this. It is why I’m currently visiting you, rather than focusing on my duties back in the commune.” “Yeah. And when I pull out, you’re going to leave again,” Jayce rationalizes. Not entirely incorrect. “Just a few minutes. Please, Vik? Let me pretend for a little longer.”

✦ The Threads of Our Mind by Darling_Pigeon, jayce/viktor, post-canon, 3k     Snapshot of Jayce and Viktor’s new life of exploration after the finale: Viktor helps Jayce adjust to his brace, but they discover they may be connected in another, strangely magical way.

✦ Time For Space by yurikazen, jayce/viktor, NSFW, post-canon, 6.6k     First, there’s a wave of blinding light, tearing through the cosmos like a free-falling comet. Then, Jayce opens his eyes to find a smooth, unfamiliar ceiling above his head. (Jayce dies, holding Viktor close to him, yet death is just another beginning.)

✦ two left feet by ChiliCheeseCornDog, jayce/viktor, 4k     Jayce rises from his seat, face set with a soft smile, and holds out his right hand with the palm facing up. “Let me teach you how.” The pause is long and unrelenting. “You are joking,” Viktor manages to say. or: Jayce teaches Viktor how to dance, Piltover-style.

✦ destabilise by antiparticular, jayce/viktor, 3.6k     Jayce was naked and in Viktor's bed. Don't get him wrong - Viktor had dreamed of this happening, both literally and on slow days in the lab when he was feeling particularly self-indulgent, but for it to manifest outside of his overactive imagination? He was half tempted to pinch himself to check he'd actually awoken. Why was Jayce Talis in Viktor's bed? And more pressingly, why did Viktor not remember?

✦ Run It Back Again by Withercrown, jayce/viktor & vander/silco & cast, 18.9k wip     Sometimes there's nothing you can do except scrap the whole experiment and start over. The worst possible outcome becomes an opportunity for a new beginning. Viktor and Jayce, estranged enemies in a brutal war, go back to the start - and then earlier than that. The key to their salvation ends up being an undercity brat named Silco. He's not quite the person they remember.

✦ Electric Desires by abisbookcase, jayce/viktor, NSFW, 1.2k     Viktor gets an important phone call in the middle of sex, and Jayce keeps fucking him roughly, trying to make him slip up while he talks.

✦ Between gears and parties by chaosheadspace, jayce/viktor, 3.6k     "Why do you think it is so hard for people like me to get a footing here?" Viktor asks. "Aside from the obvious classism, of course. I'll tell you. Bureaucracy. Do you know how difficult it is to even find a place to live without a last name up here?” Or: Jayce wants to save his partner some trouble and gets them married on paper.

ZAUNDADS RECS:

✦ Take Me Like You Mean It by Anonymous, vander/silco, NSFW, 2k     Young! Silco and Vander have sex in the alleyway behind the last drop after closing.

✦ Mr Eye of Zaun by limeta, vander/silco & jinx & vi & cast, 28.8k wip     Mylo and Claggor would say there’s nothing that scares Vi. She can dish out punches and evade danger better than anyone. She’s their fearless leader, always ready to take them on a job and back without losing anyone. It’s that level of assurance that they have in her, that confidence she exudes, that makes them trust and believe in her. But they’re wrong. Powder knows there’s something that scares Vi. And that’s because it scares Vander. Or: Silco reads the letter Vander left in the mines and sticks around as a boogeyman in the Last Drop.

✦ let fall the world by perfidiousalbion, vander/silco, nsfw, 4.2k     Or: before it all went wrong, Silco and Vander had something good.

✦ The Lives of Others by Lilbaebloo, vander/silco & ekko & benzo, NSFW, 5.1k     Ekko drops an emotional grenade on Silco and Vander when he brings up their fated night at the river thirteen years earlier. The plunge into the past reminds them both of how far they've come, together and apart, and what they have to keep living for.

✦ The Shore From Which I Fell by ClutchHedonist, vander/silco, NSFW, 1.2k     “I knew you still had it in you.” Silco’s mouth tastes of ash. His tongue, tacky and dry with the suffocating weight of it, threatens to stick to the roof of his mouth as his lips fall shut. He does his best to swallow past the whisper of bruising already blossoming in his throat where Vander’s broad hand has yet again left its mark.

✦ Night Business by spicedrobot, vander/silco, NSFW, rough sex, 2.6k     The rulers of Zaun play a game.

✦ While the world turns around by Blue_Daddys_Girl, vander/silco & jinx & benzo, 8.9k     In a chance meeting Vander sees Silco for the first time since the fateful day he's come to regret so deeply. Silco has changed—they both have. Vander can't stop thinking about him.

TIMEBOMB RECS:

✦ Little Crow by shroomyystar, ekko/jinx, 2.1k     There’s a monster under his bed.

✦ Let's Give It One Last Try by the_whole_shebang, ekko/jinx, post-canon, 12.3k     The war is finally over, and Ekko is finally home, but an old friend has one more favor to ask of him. Jinx found the strength to walk away, but something told her not to let go just yet. Maybe if Vi and Ekko hadn't given up on her yet, then she wouldn't either. Plus, thanks to Ekko, she was starting to think that the past wasn't as set in stone as she though it was.

✦ Let Me Try by Blue_Daddys_Girl, ekko/jinx, post-canon, 4.3k     Ekko walks away from the final battle in a daze after learning that Jinx is dead. Or: An alternate ending to the show, in which she isn't, no matter what Vi believes.

SOMETIMES THE SHIPS AREN'T THE POINT RECS:

✦ wait 'til your sister sees where you've been by QwahaXahn, vi & jinx & cast, post-canon, 12.9k     OR: Jinx falls. The bomb explodes. Everything goes white. ...And Vi wakes up in a different world.

✦ was it the worst you'd never know by Anonymous, jinx & silco, 2.2k     “Fix him,��� she demands, voice barely decipherable through the breaking and raspiness from crying. Gentle, gentle, as gentle as Singed knows how to be, which is not very. Jinx will have no qualms killing him if he steps wrong. “He is… very far gone.” And indeed he is. His chest does not rise, and his eyes are vacant. He is gone. “FIX. HIM.” aka jinx refuses to let her father die and brings him to singed. it goes better than expected

✦ Six Weeks Since by argonautoida, jinx & viktor, 2.1k     Six weeks after Silco died, Jinx finally makes a friend.

[l13]

bitter

dunno what brought this on but reader has good taste;P also let's pretend that lyla is team reader x miguel for plot reasons

word count: 2.3k

WARNINGS: NSFW 18+, MDNI, f!reader, ex!miguel, aged up bf!hobie<3, miguel has some v descriptive sexual thoughts about you (p in v sex, f!receiving oral), swearing, jealousy, ANGSTTT

English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any misspells, errors or grammatically incorrect sentences.

Miguel often thinks about how he ended up giving in to his desires and starting a situationship with you, how he regrets it when he can tell how you've fallen for him. How your eyes crinkle when you smile at him, looking at him like he hung the moon. He regrets it because that's how he looks at you as well.

Why’d you have to ask him on that stupid date?

“That’d be unprofessional.” is what Miguel had said in reply. Because it was the truth. You were only fucking, nothing more.

You’d scoffed, “Oh come on, Miguel, we’re not office workers. Surely we can go out together?”

“What, fucking me ain’t enough for you?”

You'd huffed, your expression dull, shaking your head in disbelief, “No, actually, it isn’t. I genuinely like you, is that so bad?”

Miguel had ignored the flip his stomach did at your confession “You know why we can’t, now drop it.”

“No, I want you to tell me why.”

“It’s not in the canon” He cringes every time he remembers what he’d said, but it doesn’t change the fact that he was right. He was, but fuck, how he wanted to be wrong. He so desperately wanted it to be him that you were meant to fall in love with, him you were meant to build a life together.

“Fuck the canon.” had been your reply, before you turned to walk away and he'd made no move to follow you.

He'd failed to ignore Lyla when she'd whistled, “That was painful even for me,”

“Jesus- can you not?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, can't interrupt your brooding time. I'm just saying. You prevented the woman of your dreams from falling in love with you, because she's meant to fall for someone else? But that's stupid- Your heart literally jumps when you see her-”

“Lyla I swear to God, if you don't stop talking-”

And now, as he stands in front of your house months later, waiting for you to answer the door, Miguel found himself to be annoyed. Annoyed that he hadn't gotten your mission report on time, and had to come and fetch it for himself.

Some sick, twisted part of his brain wanted you to have forgotten it on purpose, and ignored his calls in order for him to come over, maybe reconcile- fuck your brains out till you're begging him to take you back, even if it meant putting your feelings aside.

“She better be home,” Miguel hisses to himself, his hand massaging his temples, and he doesn't even flinch when Lyla shows up out of nowhere “Oh, she is. The thermal scan picks her up, see? Wait who’s-”

Miguel was thankful for the interruption, but what he saw when you opened the door was not at all what he expected, or was even prepared for.

You were practically naked, an oversized t-shirt covering your body, stopping just under your ass and- Jesus Christ were those thigh highs? Yes they were, pretty ones, too. They were sheer white tights, that ended just in the middle of your plush thighs, the material hugging your legs beautifully, the very top of them decorated with a lace material, giving them a sexy twist.

God, he'd get on his knees right here and now if you just asked-Miguel licked his lips and cleared his throat, quickly averting his gaze, praying that he doesn't appear flustered.

“Miguel! Are you okay? Is something wrong? Hey Lyla-” you seem out of breath as you talk, clearly not bothered by your lack of clothing in front of him. Lyla offers you a bright hello and wave, one you softly smile at.

No, he's not fucking okay.

“I'm great.” he hisses, but really he was trying to convince himself of it. You study him for a bit longer before humming, not believing him for a moment.

“I need the report from the mission that you were sent to do yesterday. The one you forgot to send me.” Miguel inhales sharply and stands taller, trying to hide the fact that your presence damages his brain functionality severely, by trying to look more intimidating.

Memories of last night flash in your mind suddenly, being pressed against your bookshelf, the furniture rattling loudly, books almost toppling to the floor, but you didn’t have the heart in you to care. Not when he was grinding up at you, hand under your thigh to keep you upright as you moaned against his mouth crossing your legs around his waist and bringing him closer, the sound of your watch beeping pulling you out of your trance, “Fuck, wait. T-the reports-”

He undid your watch expertly with one hand, and you gasped trying to snatch it from his grasp, but he held it up above your head, placing it on top of your bookshelf carelessly, before grabbing the top shelf to brace himself and grind himself harder against you, moaning under his breath, “Fuck ‘em.”

Your eyes widen comically, and you sputter, “Right! Shit- fuck. I'm sorry, umm, wait here.” and you slam the door right in his face. Miguel's eyebrow twitches.

There's shuffling from inside before Miguel realizes that you're talking to someone-

“Can you go in five minutes? Please?”

“Nah, ‘m afraid I need to go right now, love. Got things to do, places to be.”

“Can't you open up a portal here?”

“When there’s a perfectly usable front door? I don’ think so,” “C’mon pretty.. what are y’so afraid of?”

“He’s our boss.”

“He’s your ex. Now, if you’re ashamed to be seen with me, I get it-”

“No! Baby, no. I just don’t want to rub it in his face, don't want him to think that I am either,”

“But that’s so boring. Let’s make ‘im suffer, you’ll thank me later-”

“Hob-”

The door opens suddenly and Miguel could act surprised, could act like he’s been waiting for quite a while not knowing what’s going on inside, but he doesn’t. Not when he’s face to face with Hobie. Not when he obviously knows how good Miguel’s hearing is, how he could definitely hear every word that was spoken, not when you’d tried to be nice- tried to whisper and be subtle, not when Hobie blatantly did the opposite out of spite.

So he just stares ahead with a blank face, as Hobie leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest lazily. There’s a hickey on his neck and Miguel feels like he might throw up.

And somehow, Miguel still thinks that this is all some sick joke, a prank, a dream. Anything to explain what he's seeing. Because there’s no way you're dating Hobie. There’s no way you fucked Hobie fucking Brown- the single most annoying person in Miguel’s life (after peter, of course). And after what, only eight months after you stopped seeing him? That's how long it took for you to get over him? He can almost hear Lyla laughing in his head, 'You're just bitter that you're not over her yet'

Hobie smirks at him “Hello mate, long time no see.” Miguel at least has the human decency to offer him a curt nod, which Hobie apparently finds hilarious as he huffs out a laugh, “'S alright if I send my report later, right? I'm kind of exhausted right now, did a lot of runnin' yesterday, y'know,”

Lyla visibly winces and disappears a second later.

Running. Miguel needed breathing exercises and he needed them now-

Miguel's eyes snapped to yours. Were you just gonna let Hobie talk all that shit, without saying anything? (Knowing Hobie's life was in imminent danger?) Apparently so, because you just scoffed and rolled your eyes with a smile on your face. What a great couple you two made.

He refused to believe that this is who you chose, refused to acknowledge that his anger was pointed at himself and not you. He’d never, ever, admit it, not even at gunpoint, but Hobie was a good kid, he’d treat you right and that's what pissed him off the most.

“Fuck the canon.” Hobie would have laughed and nodded in agreement at your words, not Miguel though. Miguel had said nothing and it had cost him his future with you.

Sensing that Miguel wouldn’t reply anytime soon, Hobie just shrugged nonchalantly, “Thanks for understanding, boss.”

Miguel felt like he could hear his own veins pulsing. Boss, he'd called him boss. That little-

Turning to you, Hobie throws a hand around your waist and squeezes you against him, pressing a kiss on your cheek “I'll see you later love, don' forget to put some ice on that, yeah?” he lays a slap on your ass that makes you almost tumble forward, and Hobie's smirk widens when he sees Miguel ball his fists at his sides, nostrils flaring. Hobie throws a wink at Miguel before squeezing through him to walk out, seeing as Miguel didn't make any attempt to get out of the way.

Miguel doesn't turn to see him open up a portal to leave, he's too busy looking at the way the multi-colored lights illuminate your face, how you grin and wave shyly at your boyfriend.

“So sorry about him.. d'you wanna come in?” you ask, shifting from one leg to another once the portal disappears. Miguel just stares at you, eyes hooded, mouth pressed in a tight line.

“Ookay, I’ll just go get the- yeah” you trail off and turn to walk deeper into your apartment, and Miguel hates himself for craning his neck to catch a glimpse of your ass. And then hates himself even more when he thinks about how smug Hobie would be if he knew Miguel was checking out his girl. He'd say some dumb shit like "Wanting somethin' you can't have again, boss?"

Meanwhile, you're standing on your tippy-toes in front of your infamous bookshelf, arm outstretched, trying to grab your watch but to no use, cursing Hobie in your mind for putting it so high up. You had no idea that by trying to get your stupid watch, you were giving Miguel the perfect view of your backside, seeing as your shirt rode up each time you stretched out your arm.

No, fuck that. You knew exactly what you were doing, and Hobie was right. Let him suffer. He chose this, so now he can deal with the consequences.

Miguel wanted to give everything up right then and there. It's funny how quickly you could strip him of his morals, and he just wishes he could have done that before realizing he'd lost you forever. He could picture his future in his mind so clearly, if only he'd just said yes to your question.

“Will you go out with me?"

He’d resign, move out some place nice, next to a beach preferably. Spend his days laying on the sand and drinking piña coladas with no care in the world.

Except you’d be there. Straddling his lap to steal his drink, giggling and laughing when he tried to take it back from you. He’d grab your hips and with a swift motion you'd switch places, your back against the hot sand. The drink would spill from the movement, the liquid falling over your bikini covered tits, and you’d gasp oh-so prettily when he’d bend to lick it all up.

You’d moan even sweeter when he’d move lower, when he’d eat you out till you’re a crying, babbling mess, whining that you can’t take it anymore. Oh, but you could. You would take it, and he’d prove it when he’d later fuck you against the pool, and he’d make sure he fucked you good. Your mewls would be panted against his ear as he’d thrust into you relentlessly, your fingers digging into his wet back, and all he’d taste would be your pretty moans and the faint taste of rum against his tongue.

His cheeks would hurt from how hard he'd be grinning as he stared at you when you both would go for a walk by the beach later. He'd jog up to you, springing you in his arms, nuzzling his head against your hair- your distinctive smell fogging up his brain- your laughter mixing together, as you chased each other through the waves.

When you'd had enough, and stood panting, your -now wet- dress clinging to you like second skin, he'd drop to his knee, pulling out a ring from his pocket, one he was anxious not to drop when he was chasing you around, and you'd gape at him, tears already welling up in your eyes.

You would have said yes that night. In fact, the word would have been repeated against his shoulder as he fucked you later, rolling his hips into you slowly, kissing your pretty tears, holding you, loving you–

“Done! I just sent it–,” you could have sworn you and Miguel shivered at the same time when he blinked down at you, his mouth parted. His eyes were glistening all of a sudden, and it made your whole being fill with a sense of longing and dread.

“Lyla?” you swallowed harshly at Miguel's hoarse tone, gnawing at your lip as you avoided his gaze.

It was as if Lyla knew not to fuck with him either, because she didn't even make him beg for it, instead pulling up a hologram that showed the report, “Yup, got it!”

You cleared your throat, eager to get back into bed and forget the look on his face just now, suddenly feeling nostalgic for a memory you couldn't quite place- “I'm sorry that I forgot, it won’t happen again, promise.”

Yes it will.

“See you back at HQ?”

Miguel hums, not saying anything, not even caring to correct you, because he’d sooner see you in his dreams than at headquarters.

2023 © l13 | Do not steal, copy, edit, translate or re-post any of my works.

[libbyfandom]

A Modern!Mizu and Reader who act like Jackie and Hyde from "That 70s Show"?!

Highest form of entertainment, would be so funny to see. Enjoy me using Jackie and Hyde quotes as incorrect Mizu and Reader quotes. (Not all of them are direct quotes I paraphrased a bit.)

*something happens and you start crying*

*Akemi, Ringo, and Taigen all coming closer opening their arms*

You: "Mizu!" *runs to her and hugs her while crying*

Mizu: *freezes* *looks at everyone else* "Why does she always come to me?!"

You: "Mizu, you're right. We will never be friends. Because now? I love you!"

Mizu: "Oh my god, would you shut up?!"

You: *runs up behind Mizu and covers her eyes* "Guess who!"

Mizu: "Either it's (Y/N) or it's the cold, clammy hands of death."

You: *uncovers her eyes* "It's (Y/N)!"

Mizu: "Damn it."

You: "What happened?!" *after Mizu punched a guy out*

Mizu: "W-What? Huh? I don't know. We were talking, and he said...bitch... and I just-"

You: "Oh my god. He called me a bitch? And you punched him!"

Mizu: "What? NO!"

You: "Yes! I am the bitch! And you love me!"

Mizu: "You know what your problem is? You're really cute so no one ever told you to shut your piehole."

You: "...you think I'm cute?" :)

Mizu: "SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE."

Mizu: "How could I like her?! I don't like her. Because I can't like her. Sword-Father, if I like her, shoot me!"

Eiji: *makes a finger gun and pretends to fire at her* "POW!"

Mizu: *wide eyed and slack jawed at him*

Mizu: *After being worn down* "(Y/N) get in the car, we'er going on a fucking date."

You: "So. Our first date's almost over."

Mizu: "Yep."

You: "So what'd you think?"

Mizu: "... it was no worse than bowling."

You: "...?"

Mizu: *shrug* *smile* "I don't hate bowling."

Mizu: "You're blackmailing me?"

You: *nods*

Mizu: *grinning* "You're coming along nicely."

You: "But just know, I'm really lowering my standards."

Mizu: "That makes two of us."

You: "-but I think it's a real waste because I love you!"

*stunned silence*

Mizu: *panicking* ".... I'M NOT SAYING IT BACK!"

You: "I don't care."

Mizu: "Damn it!" *sigh* "...So are we gonna go to the dance or what?"

You: "Mizu, I want to be with you."

Mizu: ".... I do want to be with you."

You: "Because you loooooo-"

Mizu: "Don't push it."

You: "Okay." *smiles and kisses her*

You: "Akemi, just do what I did to get over my ex."

Akemi: "Make out with Mizu?"

You: "I thought I lost my pudding pop forever."

Mizu: "You wanna hear something sick? I actually missed you calling me pudding pop."

Mizu: "Happy Birthday." *hands you a gift*

You: *a little confused* "It's a Led Zeppelin T-Shirt! ... and it's used...!"

Mizu: *smiles* "Yeah, that's my favorite one. You're with me now, so I wanted you to have it."

Ringo: "You love loud girl!"

Mizu: *genuinely* "Maybe I do."

*Mizu catches you trying on wedding dresses with Akemi*

You: *upset* "Okay, Mizu. I know I promised I wouldn't do any wedding stuff and I know you're probably really mad so just... go ahead and yell."

Mizu: *stunned* "...You're beautiful."

Ringo: *serious* "Look, before her, you were just some pissed off girl in my apartment. But with her, I mean, you seem happy, Mizu."

Mizu: "Hey, I'm not happy. I'm just less pissed off."

[qu0rky]

The day people on Tiktok learn about media literacy is the day i can finally rest, but alas they have not, guess what bullshit they’re on about today!

I saw an edit of the I.M.P. customer from Sinsmas, so far so good, then i open the comment section, and am suddenly reminded that people are stupid.

“She kinda had a point” no tf she didn’t😭😭 What are you on about, genuinely?? You can enjoy a villainous character who’s clearly a bad person without having to make up excuses for their shitty behavior.

The woman is violently homophobic, she made plenty of jabs about gay people in that short conversation, and claimed her husband “probably cheated” but it was so clear to me that she got pissy because he divorced her and then got with a man, and she already had preconceived notions about homosexuals.

I’m convinced they watched the episode with their eyes closed, because a person legit said “oh but she said nothing about hating gay people”. Maybe if you’re straight, it might’ve gone over your head, but she said, verbatim, “He doesn’t deserve to live this heinous lifestyle and poison my daughters with it” clearly referring to him being gay😭

Her husband did not cheat, she just hates gay people, but Stolas is still in that self-hatred mode which is just heightened by the lack of medication for god knows how long, which is why he took it to heart. And people on Tiktok love the narrative that they (as in Stolitz) cheated and somehow that’s the worst moral thing they’ve done in the show, must i remind you that they kill people??

For the last fucking time, whether or not what Stolas did counts as cheating, Stella did not give a shit. Had he done it with a (female) Goetia, she would’ve probably only cared about taking a slight hit on her reputation, but since not only did he do it with a man, but with an IMP at that, she felt embarrassed because she only cares about her social status. Easy as that. She said it herself.

They were never in love, Stolas was never straight, and never pretended to be. Do y’all not remember EP1S2 which legit establishes the fact that they were arranged?? And that Stella is an abusive piece of shit? So regardless, she gets no sympathy from me for being “cheated on”, since the cruelty started way before Stolas and Blitz met again.

No, they couldn’t have divorced earlier, Stolas only gained enough confidence to go through with it and finally stand up for himself AFTER and BECAUSE of Blitz. Also he most likely wanted Via to reach 18, but as we all saw he couldn’t sustain these lies anymore at the end of that episode. And while the divorce made him free, there’s still consequences, especially with the custody, so tell me a way he could’ve escaped this nightmare without being “morally incorrect”. Perhaps death. Would you have preferred that? After all, the only perfect victim is a dead one.

[blackbirdi]

Marauders Incorrect Quotes #2

~~~~~~~~~~~

Sirius: If the moon is made out of cheese and Saturn is six, how many pancakes can you eat on Mars?

James: Yellow.

Sirius: The correct answer is ‘packing peanuts’.

James: *Eyes eyes widening in realization* Oh, I see. If you carry the two and —

Remus: *Clearly in distress* WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?

———————————

Sirius: *Absolutely ecstatic* DUDE! ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE BIRTHDAYS THIS YEAR!

Remus: *Under his breath* What in the actual fuck!?

———————————

Sirius: Regulus Black … otherwise known as ‘the poor man’s Sirius Black’.

Remus: No one calls him that except you.

———————————

*AU where no one died and Harry goes to muggle school still cause Lily wanted him to experience it.*

Lily: Harry got sent home from school today.

James: Oh? What happened now?

Harry: *Age seven, smiling up at James as he recites* My dad is beauty, my dad is grace, my dad is not afraid to punch you in the face!

Lily:

James: *Trying not to cry*

———————————

Remus: *Peacefully talking to Lily* When I was younger I used to be made fun of a lot.

The rest of the Marauders: *Appear out of butt fuck nowhere and slamming a piece of parchment and quill down in front of Remus* Write their names down and we will make them pay!

Remus:

Lily:

———————————

Sirius: I’m the most chill person I know.

Remus: Yesterday we went to McDonald’s and they accidentally gave you the wrong McFlurry, so you stood on the counter and screamed ‘YOU MCFUCKED UP!’ and then proceeded to throw the McFlurry at them.

Sirius: … And?

———————————

Sirius: Why are you always smiling?

James: Because my whole life is a joke.

———————————

Remus: What colour is James’s shirt?

Sirius: Grey.

Peter: Light grey.

Remus: Go on, tell them what colour you thought it was.

James: … Dark white.

———————————

Lily: *Scolding the Marauders after they get pissed drunk* Alcohol is not the answer!

Sirius: *Quite obviously drunk* But it certainly makes you forget the question.

———————————

James: Why are you looking at us through a fork?

Remus: I’m pretending you guys are in jail.

Sirius: Why?

Remus: It’s spiritual healing.

———————————

Muggle Police Officer: You’re under arrest for carrying three people on this motorcycle!

Sirius, who had been driving: Wait, three?

Muggle Police Officer: *Slightly confused* …Yes…?

James: WHEN DID PETER FALL OFF?

Remus: *Muttering under his breath* I told you guys this was a stupid idea.

[multiwreckedmess]

February Filth Fest - Day 27

Pairing: Wolf!Chan x Fem!Reader Prompt: Hybrid (furry) WC: 3.4k Summary: Your yearly visit home to catch up with your neighborhood friends was something you looked forward to every summer. Especially your fleeting moments with Chan. There’d always been something inexplicable about him, about the two of you. TW/CW: Knotting, rut/heat (implied), breeding, predator/prey, dubious consent. DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT. Extended tw under the cut, 

Dubcon all the way. Obviously two sides to wolf!chan, this might fit better under omegaverse? I’m not a consumer of either hybrid or omegaverse really so I’m sorry if i get stuff incorrect. This gets dark, reader kinda likes it? Sort of more Werewolf than wolf. i’m unsure of what kind of tw/cw are needed but I think i covered it.

“Let’s play wolves,” Chan’s eyes flash amber. Smiling, but not. It’s not Chan’s smile. He stalks closer.  “Chan?” Fight, fawn, or freeze and your body has elected the latter of the options. Standing still as he circles around you “C’mon, let’s play wolves. Like we used to.” “C-Christopher. You’re scaring me.” Pulse rushing loudly between your ears it’s hard to think. Full animal instincts kicking in. He presses his wide chest to yours, lips to the outer shell of your ear.

“Run little wolf.”

It had started when you were young. Pretend games you’d play with the neighborhood kids, wholly innocent. The first game was “three little pigs” where the “big bad wolf” would stalk the playground, trying to stop the “pigs” from getting to their “houses” but as the neighborhood grew so did the game. Now you were rival wolf packs, able to act together in teams, almost a large scale tackle football game without the ball. You were kids pretending to be wolves, you were rough with each other. It was all in the name of pretend.

This did not feel like pretend. 

It was a split second, calves tensing beneath you and jolting your body forward into a full sprint in no particular direction. Not until you are well into the woods at the edge of the neighborhood park do you realize just how utterly fucked you are. It was your fault. Of course it was your fault. You’d pushed Chan to come out with you to the old playground to kick back a couple drinks and reminisce. You’d seen how antsy he was, unable to say no to your insistent pleas. You’d even kept him out an hour passed when he said he’d need to be back for unnamed “prior engagements”. How stupid could you have been. 

There’d always been something different about Chan and his family. Unnaturally beautiful, unnaturally charismatic, natural leaders. Chan was one of the few neighborhood boys that stuck it out with the girls during the great puberty divide. Never falling victim to “girls have cooties.” Always ready with a small bit of chocolate to satisfy sudden craving. The girls of the neighborhood loved his gentle and understanding nature. Good at playing both cute younger brother and doting elder. 

From behind the large tree you’d concealed yourself with your hearing strained. Sense of sight dulled by the lack of light every other sense was sent into overdrive. But why were you running from him? It was just Chan, just Chan playing around. You repeat it over and over trying to make yourself believe it. It’s just Chan. The sound of a twig snapping sends you into high alert, spine stiffening. If it was just Chan why are you reacting like this? He’s going to laugh at how good he’d gotten you.

Another twig snaps. Your nails dig into the rough bark of the tree. 

This was ridiculous. You felt ridiculous. Just turn around and head back out the way you came. There’s a telltale tickle to the back of your spine, some vestigial nerve that tells you he’s almost on you. Holding your breath you hear more snapping of twigs and rustling of leaves. You crouch in place. Fight, fawn, or freeze. The noise of the woods stops suddenly. Silence. You can hear your heartbeat ringing in your ears. Silence. You stand up slowly and place your back against the tree and that’s when you seem them. Two flashes of amber in the dark. Fight, fawn, or freeze.

Your breath catches in your chest. He’s terrifying. Perked pointy ears sprouting from his head, muscles swollen and hulking, eyes flashing in the full moon light. He’s not Chan. You’re not even sure he’s Christopher. You're not sure what he is. Your caught breath is forced into a shrill scream as a sudden force nails your back in place. “Caught you little wolf.” Chan’s hands grip your shoulders, pushing them  You bare your teeth at him and growl. “Fine Chan, if you want to play wolves, I’ll play wolves.” you think. And then you latch your arms around his elbow and drop your weight to escape his caging. 

The last time you played wolves it was an equal match. Chan had lost his baby fat but not yet built the muscle has now. You’d had time to adjust to your changed body but lost the androgyny of your younger self. It started as many wolves games did, playful threatening to kiss the other person. Harmless, neither of you actually intended on kissing the other, just saying things to get under the skin of the other person until they snapped. The game ended with the two of you out of breath, grass ground into your jeans and bodies in a tangled exhausted knot. You’d known the game had changed but you weren’t sure how.

Chan caught your escape move in a backhug, pinning your arms at your sides. It’s stronger than a hug, almost suffocating. Legs kicking and thrashing you try to free yourself. Teeth biting into the juncture between your neck and shoulder, you moan and go limp. Pain and then pleasure sweeps over your body in a second. Both you and Chan sink to your knees, still connected by his bite, onto the forest floor. One thick arm shifts upwards, hand palming your breast and kneading. The other shifts downwards to your waistband, fingers deftly slipping beneath. It's difficult to even think of fighting as your body relinquishes its weight into his chest with a sigh.

“If you’re giving up, little wolf, I get to claim you,” he sounds happy yet it comes out menacing, hands still working in tandem. Your head lolls back to his shoulder in sharp contrast to your body tensing and pulsing and squirming. Something in the bite, you tell yourself, you convince yourself, something in the bite. You must be bleeding out from the bite. The forest blurs. The bite was so- 

“You smell, so good my little wolf,” he mutters as he rubs his face against your collarbone. “Now that we are out here, now that you smell like you…” he trails off into a growl. “Now that you smell like my mate.”

“Mate. His little pretty wolf,” you think dumbly, Eyes slide back in your skull as waves of pheromones roll off of Chan and crash into you. You jolt back into your mind. No. Not mate. Not his mate. Whatever he means by mate. 

He licks the unmawled side of your neck, taking the flesh between his teeth and leaving a small imprint. Mate. You say the word over and over in your head at varying tempos, enthralled as he marks up and down your shoulder and neck. The repetition of the word nearly hypnotizes you. Chan’s hand works its way under and up your shirt and bra, thumb passing over your pebbled nipple. The insistent press of his hardened cock reminding you suddenly of the reality of the situation.  “Chan, we’re too old to play wolves anymore,” you murmur in his ear.

“I was never playing wolves.” He nearly roars as he shoves you over face into the dirt, a total shift from mear millisecond before. The fabric of your shirt bunched tight in his fist, pressing into the small of your back and forcing you into an exaggerated arch you are all but pinned beneath him. 

Tears prick the corners of your eyes. He’s not Chan, he’s not your Channie. He’s not the kind boy who’d venture bravely into the drugstore when it was nearing that time of the month. He’s not even the gentle man who insisted on obeying curfew. He’s an animal.  You feel his fingers dig into your lower back around your pants waistband. With a swift yank he pulls both your pants and panties down to your knees as though it were nothing. Two rough fingers rub up and down your slit, teasing your entrance. Despite your tears you are embarrassingly horny. Desperately horny. Your pussy is practically dripping on him.

“No more fight ok?” He dips into you slowly. “No more fight or it will hurt.”

You nod. Just his fingers fill you well. Your body betrays you as it fucks back at every thrust of his digits into your cunt. Lewd squelching sounds fill the air, taunting him. If he wasn’t obsessed before he was now. Obsessed with your glistening folds, wet and pretty just for him. Releasing your shirt he wraps the same arm around your waist, hoisting you into his lap. From this angle he adjusts his arm to better pound into you using each part of his magnificent arms.

“My mate, my little wolf,” he’s whispering again, two fingers deep in your slick pussy. “Feel better?” He plunges into you, over and over. “Feel better to be a good little mate?”

Pulse elevated and blood rushing from your brain to your cunt it’s too much to think. He’s right. It is easier. Chan senses your orgasm coming before you do. Heartbeat accelerating, breathing shallow and quick, blood pressure dipping. He can feel all of it. Immediately as you peak he slows down, riding you through it, digits stroking your inner walls slowly and persistently as they clench and pulse around him, dripping down onto his hand. Entire body relaxed and draped over his lap, you’re on a far away planet. You want to kiss him. You want him to hold you. He doesn’t. You moan as he slides his fingers from you, licking them clean with small accented pops.

He grunts. Another animal instinct.

Both palms pressing into your ass cheeks he spreads you, night air cool to your overheated body. Face disappearing you feel a wet wriggling intrusion at your exposed holes. Tongue licking messy fat stripes up your slit to your ass Chan eats as though your cunt was his favorite flavor of ice cream, greedily sucking and slurping. Fucking his tongue into your little hole he makes your legs shake and knees wobble in protest of the overstimulation. You want to cum again, christ you want to but it hurts. It’s too soon. Abdomen burning and tensing as his lips wrap around your clit, you need it and want it but it just hurts so much.

Fat shameful tears roll down your cheeks, the pain feels good. A dark part of you needs him. You need him to claim you. Another orgasm squeezes out of you, sobbing, walls clenching around nothing. He laughs, a short puff of air coming in contact with your oversensitive nub, making you squirm. “Breed?” He affectionately pats your pussy. As though he was planning on giving you a choice. “Please,” you whimper softly. Even to your ears you sound so desperate it makes you want to hide, curled in a tiny ball. 

Dropped into the dirt of the forest you hear him unzip and pull his pants down before grabbing your waist and lifting you, manhandling you, up and against the tree. Standing back to shuck your pants fully off you can finally appreciate him. Every inch of his body is tense, muscles fully activated. Fat cock head glistening with precum, his shaft is equally frighteningly thick, only more noticeable by comparison as it prods your stomach.  

“Will it fit,” you ask breathlessly as he hitches one of your legs over his hip, squishing you together, dick rubbing between your pelvises. “Hastto,” he mumbles into your collarbone. “Yermymate.”

He’s positively pussy drunk as he slides his dick up and down your folds, coating himself in you before aligning with your entrance. Teasing your swollen lips his tip barely pushes past the ring of pelvic floor muscles, it’s so tight It burns. The slide downwards is slow and stead as gravity works with his strained rocking to spear you on him. Your eyes squeeze shut and you brace your arms over his shoulders, pressing up and away from the source of pain. 

Chan’s heart hurts hearing your small whines. He wants to be kind, the human part of him deep down wants him to be gentle and slow and have properly trained you, prepared you for this eventuality. Calm. The wolf needs to be calm if he wants this, if he wants you like Chan wants you. The wolf wants to grab your waist and pull you down onto him. That part of him knows the pain is temporary, necessary even. But it waits by the wish of the man who shares this body.

“Hurt?” Chan nuzzles the tear stains on your cheek. His nails grip the bark of the tree.  “A lot!” the words bubble up into a yelp, your standing leg shaking, foot on its tiptoes. He withdraws and you go limp, panting. “Ground,” simple and gruff, but you do it.

Hands and knees in the grass and leaves and dirt you feel him crawl between your waiting thighs. He plunges forward with a grunt to the same depth as before. You groan and falter forward onto your elbows. Fabric of his shirt pulled up between his lips he watches his hips gently rock the two of you back and forth, each small thrust pushing him slowly further into your tight warm cunt. Pussy lips tightly stretched around him the blood from his body rushes down, engorging his already rock hard erection. The worst is yet to come for you, the human in him knows this to be the case, but the wolf is ecstatic.

Writhing and whining you know his cock isn’t even half in you and it’s splitting you open. You’d had a few partners but none with as impressive of girth as his. His palm rubbing your sacrum to calm you he inched forward, “good mate. Taking me so well. I know my little wolf I know,” his chest swells with pride as he watches your pussy straining to accommodate him. “Good mate, only little more.”

The stretch is painful but addictive, dosing out little jolts of pleasure as you rock back onto him. Something deep within you, a small part that evolution forgot to remove, knows that as painful as it is, the sooner he can be fully seated in you the sooner the pain can be soothed and overwritten. Chan leans over and kisses between your shoulder blades. A small gesture of comfort. Still somehow inhuman. It’s only when he is this close that you hear his small yips and grumbly growls under his breath. You want him to stay there. You want to hear him. You want him close. Arm shaking and stretched behind you, you try to grab onto whatever you can of him. Taut muscles push back at your fingers, his thigh. A mistake. A huge mistake.

The wolf seizes him. 

He howls.

In one swift motion he wraps his arms under your shoulders and pulls you back onto him. You gasp as the wind is knocked out of you. It burns. You’re so full. You can’t get any more full. His cock fills any space left inside of you. Your walls spasm around him trying to adjust to the intrusion. If he hadn’t held you your face would certainly be resting in the mud again. Legs fighting and scrambling, too weak to be of any use, you scream. Barely giving you time to adjust he pulls you off and slams you back down again. Slow, steady and bruising. Noises get knocked out of you, noises you’ve never heard yourself make. Sensory input on overload your mind fuzzes, giving yourself over. Chan pulls you up like a ragdoll, head lolling back onto his shoulder, still kneeling in the dirt.

“Good. Mate.” he punctuates his thrusts. “Pretty. Mate.” He puts his hand below your belly button, cradling you. A groan rumbles in his throat feeling the bulging imprint of the head of his cock forcing your stomach to distend. “Gonna look so good and round. Perfect for pups. My pups. My mate.” “Full. Channie please. Too full.”  “You can take it.” He is stupidly earnest in his proclamation. His fiercess has drained slightly, transformed into excitement and bliss. Hips slowing back into a gentle rocking of their own accord he nuzzles and licks the bruised mark on your shoulder. Lost to the feeling he barely notices the half moon indents that litter his skin. Your jaw unhinged and tongue inviting he presses two fingers against your tongue, wetting them with your spit before taking them to circle your throbbing clit. A man focused and dedicated he quickly works you up, legs shaking and chest heaving. “Tha’s’it. Greedy pussy- suckin’ me in. “M-m-m-more-” you shudder. 

Having properly turned your legs into useless appendages you’re silently glad Chan seems happy enough to handle you like a human fleshlight. Vision blurred, ears filled with the rushing of your heartbeat, with every strangled gasp you try to gain hold of your senses, lost to the luxury of submission. Bodily fluids trickle down and mix into the earth mixing and mudding up your skin. Your walls clench around him, trying their best to force the cum from him but coming up with nothing. He keeps going, harder although it seems impossible. Suddenly you’re glad for the cover of the forest, your screams and grunts echoing into the tree cover. You could never, not even with the thickest soundproofing, be this primal anywhere near human societies. Not without the cops being called or an angry note from a neighbor.

Between the raucous moans your body warns you of a new presence, rubbing at your entrance. Looking between your legs in horror you see a red swelling at the base of his dick attempting to squish itself into your abused hole. “What is that?” You scream as he pumps. “Channie. Chan. Chris? CHRISTOPHER?” Your voice grows shrill with panic as the section of swollen cock pushes more and more insistently, catching on your pelvic floor. “Mate,” he snarls. “Gonna mate. Got to mate. Knot you so deep. Won’t run. Can’t.” Hocking a glob of spit at the base of his cock onto the knot he wastes no time as you babble incoherently. Teeth sinking back into the previous bite the pain pacifices you, leaving you limp in his arms as he jams the knot past the tight ring of muscle and bone. Pressure blocking your ears, your vocal chords are too tense to make a sound as your mouth hangs in a silent scream, both you and Chan flattening into the brush.You tip at the edge of consciousness, bright white pain searing in your gut. The slow drag of his knot past your gspot muddles the agony with ecstasy, body releasing around him almost as if to better lubricate and ease it in. A sick sense of pride blooms in your chest. Distended with his seed, it’s over. It’s fucking over. As he tenderly licks the wound at your shoulder you sigh. The ground is warm, the ground is where you’ll sleep. Chan is still hunched over you, panting, wolfish ears flattening back down. Cock still pulsing into your walls, knot snug to your cervix. His kisses litter the shell of your ear, your neck, your shoulders. Small apologetic pecks as he rolls you to your side. 

“I’m - I didn’t mean to tell you this way,” overwhelming guilt settles in Chan’s brain, replacing the wolf that curls to rest at the back of his mind, happily swaddled. “I didn’t. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t- it didn’t- fuck.”

“I’m cold.”

“I can’t-we can’t move too much but-” Chan wrapped himself over you, guarding you from the air. He’s warm and heavy and sticky and he smells earthy but somehow all of this is comforting. This is Chan. “How long like this?” You mumble sleepily. “Maybe 30, or 40 minutes? I’m…” he drifts off again. Stomach expanding and contracting you can feel his heavy sigh. “Words can’t describe. I can’t- I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you about me, about my family, about my pack. It feels stupid now. I’m sure you can guess. I tried to use the wolf for good but sometimes. I shouldn’t have agreed-” “Chan shut up.”

“Right.”

In silence you kiss his skin where you can reach. Draped over you as he is. Words are not for tonight. Not for the half wolf breathing into your hair. Not until you are long cleaned up and toweled off. Not until you are out of the woods. No more games. No more pretend. Just you and him.

[ur-local-bisexual]

HEARTSTOPPER INCORRECT QUOTES

Tao: Sir, can I listen to music?

Mr. Farouk: No Tao, you could be cheating!

Tao: Oh ya! Because Ed Sheeran gonna sing to me isn’t he! *eye roll*

Mr. Farouk: Tao, are you mocking me!?

Tao: Yes! That’s what I do when someone says something stupid!

Mr. Farouk: Also, Darcy! Why do you have your feet up on the desk?! Would you do that at home!?!???!

Darcy: Would I put my feet up at home? Yes you moron!

Mr. Farouk: Apologize for that right now!

Darcy: But whyyyyyyyy?!?!

Mr. Farouk: Until you apologize, you’re not going to lunch

Darcy: I don’t care! The food here tastes worse than your nans feet!

Mr. Farouk: It’s your time you’re wasting!

Darcy: It’s not though is it.

Aled: Sir, don’t act like you don’t want to go see Mr. Ajiei after class!

Mr. Farouk: How the fuck do you know about that!!!????!!!!

Class: *Histarical laughter*

Nick: *Talking to Charlie* Ok, so, you make 10 meals you’re not a chief, you make 20 paintings you’re not an artist!

Charlie: *See’s Ben lying on the floor*

Nick: BUT YOU KILL ONE PERSON!!!!

Charlie: I’m going to a party

Tori: Are you going to get drunk?

Charlie: No

Tori: Are you gonna get in fight?

Charlie: No

Tori: Are you gonna get dick?

Charlie: No

Tori: Then why the fuck do you wanna go to a party?!

Tori: Some people have a boyfriend

Charlie: *blinks*

Tori: Some people have a girlfriend

Charlie: *blinks*

Tori: But IM stuck with DEPRESSION!!!???

Charlie: You wanna know how I’m like a bicycle?

Nick: Because when people learn how to ride you, they never forget. *smirks*

Charlie: *blushes* I..I was gonna say because I was 2 tired 😳

Charlie: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Tori: Punch him in the gut and when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Elle: Tackle him!

Tao: Dump him!

Darcy: KICK HIM IN THE SHIN!!!

Nick: NO! TO ALL OF THOSE! Just ask me to lean over!

Imogen: *About Ben*Look at that face! How can anyone spend all day with that face and not fall in love?

Nick: Well, at some point that face starts talking.

Charlie: Tell me something I don't know.

Tori: Without mucus, your stomach would digest itself.

Charlie: Tell me something else. Something less disturbing.

Charlie: Quick, take my hand!

Nick: *Takes it* Now what?

Charlie: Oh nothing, I just wanted to hold hands.

Tori: I was just having a bad day.

Charlie: You threatened to decapitate a man over a parking space.

Tori: A very bad day.

Darcy: You can de-escalate any tense situation by saying 'Are we about to kiss?'

Darcy: It doesn't work on cops though.

Darcy: I’m invoking the “no judgments” clause of our relationship.

Tara: Oh God, what did you do this time?

Harry: So Nick, are you hanging out with us tonight?

Nick: Sorry guys, I can't. Charlie and I have plans.

Harry: Oh come on! Bros before ho-

Nick: *Glares*

Harry: ...Your boyfriend.

Tao: There's nothing sadder that cold hot chocolate.

Aled: Sure there is! What about cold hot chocolate with ketchup in it?

Tao: ...I'm going to pretend you didn't say that.

Charlie: How many times have I told you not to bring wild animals into our apartment?!

Nick: ...None?

Charlie: I shouldn't have to tell you!

Elle: You can't rush perfection.

Tao: I'm not rushing perfection, I'm rushing you.

Darcy: I have good news and bad news.

Tara: What's the bad news?

Darcy: The kangaroo pooped in the shower.

Tara: We don't have a kangaroo.

Darcy: Well, that takes me to the good news.

Nick: I wasn't that drunk last night.

Charlie: You kept flirting with me.

Nick: So?

Charlie: You asked if I was single. And cried when I said no.

Charlie: Hey sweetie, why are you crying?

Nick: It's just so beautiful how much they love each other!

Charlie: ...This is a commercial.

Charlie: For detergent.

Darcy: Do you think if skeletons were real boner would be a slur for them?

Elle: ....skeletons are real.

Darcy: That's the spirit, Elle. They're real for me too.

Elle: You're the most jealous guy I know!

Tao: You know other guys? Who are they?

Nick: I know I've been talking about him all morning, but another thing that I love about Charlie is that he just gets me.

Tao: Can he come get you right now?

[fog-and-rust]

Hogwarts Legacy Incorrect Quotes Part 4 (feat. my Hufflepuff!MC, Ellie)

Sebastian: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit now has a body count.

***

[At some point in the beginning of the game. Let's pretend that teachers are concerned with bullying]

Professor Weasley: What would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again?

Ellie: Oh, that’s easy. I’d take a quill—

Professor Weasley: To write something to your teacher?

Ellie: —make sure that it’s really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! Leander always says the quill is mightier than the sword because they can’t outlaw bringing quills to school!

Professor Weasley: *internal screaming*

***

Sebastian: I have yet to encounter a problem where an Unforgivable Curse didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

Anne: This is why uncle doesn't fucking love you!

***

Ellie: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Leander: Several school rules violations.

Ominis: Three counts of using my relations.

Garreth: Roughly thirteen vials of my latest experiment.

Imelda: Also, I used the enchanted bludgers to hurry them up.

***

[MC keeps using her friends to break into Ravenclaw common room]

Ravenclaw knocker: What is a dream?

Ominis: Dream - the first thing people abandon when they learn how the world works.

[the door opens]

Ellie: That's too dark, edgelord.

***

[After Astronomy lesson]

Garreth: Ellie has no survival skills, her need to win has replaced them.

Amit: That can't be true!

Garreth: Watch this.

Garreth: Hey Ellie, race you to the bottom of the stairs!

Ellie: *jumps from Astronomy tower*

***

[After she and Poppy freed a dragon]

Leander: What in Merlin's name is wrong with you??

Ellie: What? No good morning?

Leander: Good morning, what in Merlin's name is wrong with you??

***

[The squad gathers in the Room of Requirement]

Ellie: Alright, listen up you psychos.

Ellie: Not you, Amit. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

***

[In the goblin mines]

Ellie: We have fun, don’t we, Amit?

Amit: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

***

Ellie: We are not mad, Sebastian. We are just disappointed.

Ominis: No, we are mad.

Ellie: Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.

Ominis: No, we’re not!

Ellie: I am not a mind reader, Ominis!

***

Duncan: Everett, Ellie keeps bullying me, what should I do?

Everett: Ask a teacher for help.

[The next day…]

Duncan, to Professor Ronen: Will you help me beat up Ellie?

***

Professor Weasley: Godric's heart, how would you explain this kind of crude behaviour?

Sebastian: I'm gonna have to say verbally.

Ellie: Because judging by that tone of voice...

Garreth: ... You might not be in the mood for the dance performance we've prepared.

***

Ellie: That has to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.

Amit: For the benefit of everyone present, I will clarify this is not a challenge.

Sebastian, Poppy, Natty & Garreth: Awww...

***

Ellie *going on another quest*: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.

Poppy: Of course, I can't flip this table by myself.

***

[AU where Leander and Ellie are the ones who fight a troll in Hogsmeade]

Ellie: Just stay calm! You already have everything you need to beat it!

Leander: The power to believe in myself!?

Ellie: No, you already know Diffindo! Slash it!

***

Sebastian: Am I going to far?

Ominis: No, no, no. You went too far about 2 weeks ago. Now you’re going to Azkaban.

***

Ellie: *sneaking in Hufflepuff common room late at night*

Poppy: *sitting on a sofa and casting Lumos* You want to tell me where you've been all night?

Ellie: I was stargazing with Amit?

Amit: *sitting on another sofa and also casting Lumos* Wanna try again?

***

Ellie: I have so much energy, I want to compete with Imelda or commit a petty felony... which should I do?

Leander: Please don’t get arrested.

Ellie: No promises!

Sebastian: Why not both? Get creative!

Ellie: Wonderful suggestion, thank you.

Leander: Please don’t encourage her, Sebastian.

***

Amit: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.

Everett: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.

Duncan: Puffskeins?

Samantha: Cornish pixies?

Ellie *chilling in Ravenclaw common room*: Chomping Cabbages.

***

[the Squad at flying lesson]

Garreth, Leander, and Amit: *flying normally, enjoying the view and talking*

Imelda, Poppy, and Ellie: *flying past them, as fast as they can, chasing Duncan who is screaming*

***

Poppy: Could you at least try to see this from my perspective?

Natty: *crouches down*

Imelda: *kneels down*

Ellie: *sits on the floor*

Poppy: ...

Poppy: I hate all of you.

***

Ellie: *falls down the stairs*

Amit: Are you okay?

Leander: Stop falling down the stairs!

Duncan: How’d the ground taste?

Ellie: *getting up like nothing happened*

Ellie: *releases Chomping Cabbages*

Duncan: Mom, pick me up, I'm scared.

[crowscacophony]

its freak-frackin 2017 boi ^-^

I need to write something but mouthwashing has me in a state of shock still I feel like curly’s barely conscious body bruh he’s literally me. (Not a spoiler this is literally revealed in the first five minutes I promise) I need some kohls brainrot but unlike Jimmy I CAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS fuck Jimmy all my homies hate Jimmy mouthwashing 

I was going to do some historical fangstitch but despite my favorite fanfic I’ve ever read being about wwii and fleeing nazism I cannot bring myself to actually write anything even though I have some really cool (I have to keep telling myself that it’s okay for things to be historically accurate even though the vocabulary used *specifically for Crow and his Romani heritage* would be entirely different and it’s better to be tasteful) ideas

So instead. We’re embracing the cringe.

WELCOME TO THE YEAR 2017 BITCHES

Mid to late 2010s fandom was an insane mess. No one knew how to act. No one was anywhere near normal. I was there. I remember it all too well. The era of flower crowns and cell shaded big eyes and Hamilton animatics. Good God it was like being on crack with a bunch of closeted queers 

And I keep seeing the “mouthwashing if it was released in 2016 posts” where people are drawing the characters in flower crowns and big sweaters and “smol beans” and “cinnamon rolls :3” and it’s like a bullet to the brain. And I LOVE it. Give me more.

So. The Dalseum Duet if it was released in 2017. Let’s fuckin pretend. 

The people of 2017 fandom would be cancelled left and right today and I’m going to revel in that for a minute.

An entire cast of characters of color is not really ideal. Because we saw what happened to Hamilton. Here are my predictions for the most cancellable race offenses:

People just cannot draw Sara. They can’t fathom that her skin is dark. They keep coloring her this weird ashy mid-toned color and squishing her face to make her look “cuter.” 

Marie gets whitewashed to high hell. She’s supposed to be cutesy and feminine and the people of 2017 could not fathom that she has darker skin than Crow

Same with Adam. He would 100% get “smol bean” woobified. Someone literally just does not realize that he’s black. Art of him but white (out of pure ignorance, not malice) is posted on a prominent artist’s tumblr and never mentioned until someone digs it back up in 2020

I would say something abt Noeul but people act even worse abt “”morally gray”” East Asian men in 2024 so  just go looking yourself if you’re desperate for people saying weird shit. Dw we get to him later

Multiple people come forward saying they didn’t know Cambodia was even a country before reading Heartstrings

still an issue but people just don’t know how to draw Asian features. they all look white for some reason. 

crow always has straight hair. for some reason.

Other related offenses 

Gale is always drawn either too skinny or something is evidently proportionally incorrect 

Where. Where are Crow’s mobility aids guys

The Charlie hate posts. “she’s so annoying omg she thinks everything revolves around her! terrible main character” when she’s just a woman trying to escape an unsafe situation 

People are just not normal about crow being trans (to be expected no matter what year tbh)

“my smol trans bb 🥺 my little bean protecc him *GUYS DID YOU CATCH THAT I SAID HIM!! HIM NOT SHE I’M AN ALLY* at all costs”

your smol bb just watched someone get decapitated and didn’t flinch but. okay

people exaggerate sonnet’s proportions so ridiculously. is this transphobic or are you just numb to the furry proportions of animation memes bc their hips cannot possibly be that large 

A LOOK AT THE FANDOM

So many theatre kids who can’t communicate to anyone effectively. So many. Think Percy Jackson of eras bygone meets the Heathers animatic era. 

The most viewed video is an animatic of Sara telling off Noeul after the trial set to “Congratulations” from Hamilton. 

And now. Just know that this hurts me to say bc this album is my guilty pleasure but not a pleasure bc it hurts me to listen to some of these songs. Sigh. 

Panic! at the Disco’s album “Death of a Bachelor” released in 2016, shifting the edgy fandom space forever. 

The Council fanart. The animatics. Were edits a thing at this time? Fuckin PMVs? Idk. BUT GOOD GOD. EVERY SINGLE SONG ON THAT ALBUM. THERE WILL BE 100 COUNCIL ANIMATICS AT THE LEAST FOR EACH ONE. ALL IN THE SAME EXACT ARTSTYLE YOU KNOW THE ONE

THE FANART EDITS. GOD. NOEUL WITH HIS EYES BLACKED OUT WITH A BAR WITH LIKE “Fifty words for murder and I’m every single one of them” WRITTEN ACROSS IT HAHAHAHAAAAA his touch is black and poisonous guys. eyes like broken Christmas lights fr

PEOPLE GET SO CORNY OVER THIS MAN. SO CORNY. LIKE. HE MIGHT AS WELL BE TORD. THAT IS THE EXACT TREATMENT HE GETS

oh yeah and Jason Dean too. the comparisons of costco to JD and Veronica. dead girl walking animatics galore 

people made JD’s entire personality slushies even though he committed so many crimes. Noeul’s personality is reduced to bulgogi but no one can pronounce it so it just keeps getting worse

people woobify the fuck out of Sonnet. drawing them in big sweaters and flower crowns and sh scars on comically “thicccc” thighs bc they were “suicidal 🥺” (because they were “depwessed” not bc their marriage was fucking loveless and they no longer recognize who they are) and they have pretty pink hair. they tried to murder an innocent woman folks

unironic sams club shippers. “they should have gotten back together after the end! they did!! here is my fanart of Adam (ace mlm who has been severely traumatized by sonnet’s actions) and Sonnet (body has been borderline botched by “gender affirming surgery” and just watched their husband get slaughtered by their daughter in front of their own eyes. cannot form a cohesive sentence due to addiction to a variety of substances) 

I’m. I’m going to bed but I will add on to this. Because I find it really funny. 

Anyway. Just throwing the image of smol bean-ified Kai in your brain. @svwhssftr Big eyelashes and big blue sweater. Shark plushie. His eyes are blue and suspiciously round. Why does he have visible tits guys this isn’t… He doesn’t even have a face anymore. Bitch is built like captain curly. He is a fucking menace with an undiagnosed personality disorder. But yeah. Yeah smol trans bean (white..?) Kai. Perfect. Exactly. Sorry for that attack of psychological warfare. Thank you 2017 for your service in fandom history

[howlingday]

Can you do some Mallory scenes from Archer (maybe with Raven or Salem) please?

Ah, I'm very familiar with Mallory in my RWBY incorrect quotes.

So why fix what's broken?

---------------------------------------------------

Yang: You know, when I was little, I used to pretend you weren't my mother.

Raven: Me, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raven: Well, Mr. Arc, we did it.

Jaune: Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess we did.

Raven: We wrote the script for the next summer blockbuster. An adult. Sexy. Thriller~.

Jaune: Uh... Y-Yeah...

Raven: ...

Jaune: ...

Raven: (Tackles Jaune) Oh, yes! Take me! Ravish me, my king of kings~!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ruby: Have a good time, Aunt Raven. And... I'm genuinely meaning that.

Raven: Oh, blow it out your ass.

Taiyang: (Chuckles) Good night, Ruby. (Drives off)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raven: It's my third biggest fear; Taiyang comes home with another dark-haired whore shouting, "We're married~!"

Raven: ...Oh, and the whore has an eye-patch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

???: Billy Bob Jo Bob Bumperthump of Tubthumper Records. Are you that little gal's manager, Misses...

Raven: Oh, actually it's Miss.

Blake: It's actually Misses.

Raven: Will you butt out?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raven: I swear to everything that is, was, and ever will be considered divine and holy that if you ever come near this child or any of my other grandchildren again, the implied threat is that I will bisect you from the genitalia up and then sit back and watch you bleed to death while chugging some low quality moonshine.

Raven: Now, are we clear?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jaune: Sorry... J.J. was up all night coughing.

Raven: Did you try whiskey?

Jaune: You know, I was going to, but then I decided, no, I wasn't.

Raven: It always worked on Ruby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raven: What are you doing? Get up there and entertain those people!

Weiss: What do you want me to do? Climb on stage and do a strip-tease?

Raven: (Looks her up and down)

Weiss: (Covers herself) That was a joke.

Raven: Clearly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nora: YOU WANT ME TO BE A WHORE?!

Raven: Oh, don't think of it as being a whore. You'd be more of a... a courtesan.

Nora: Who men pay for sex!

Raven: And sparkling conversation! And not just men, either.

Nora: Ugh!

Raven: Oh, don't be a prude. And if you want to be technical, they would be paying me, and I would be paying you... a percentage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ruby: I know it looks bad, but I'm sure we'll be okay. Besides, we have Aunt Raven out there, probably getting together a search party for us.

Raven: (Relaxing) Mm... I feel like I should check why their comms are down. (Sips drink) But it could probably wait...

Ren: (Relaxing) Everything can wait...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raven: Starting today, huntsmen and huntresses are no longer permitted to drink while on duty.

Raven: (Swigs jug)

Raven: With certain exceptions, of course.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yang: Ugh... Do you need to wear that catsuit?

Raven: Oh, it's not for me. This is more... a public service.

[palettepainter]

Incorrect cousin quotes!!

With all the cousin designs I have posted, time to make some quotes with them!

Liv/Zee/Penny/Lazer/Raph - me

Rand - @rottedbrainz

Gabe - @posies-and-bundles

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lazer, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY! Rand, an avid coffee drinker, on their twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

.

Raph: I think Lazer is in trouble. Rand: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.

.

Raph: Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Lazer meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.

.

Zee: Why did you kidnap Liv!?!?! Rand: Ah- um- well- the reason for that is, uhh... Zoot: Sometimes, we must work together towards a common goal. Zee: NOT TO KIDNAP PEOPLE!

.

*when a child starts crying in public* Zee: *tries to make the child laugh* Liv: *tries to play a game with the child to make them calm down* Raph: *gives detailed instructions to the parents* Lazer: *cries with the child* Penny: *ignores the child* Zoot: *is the reason why the child is crying*

.

Zee : *sighs* I have no friends... Rand: Rand: *coughs* Bitch, what am I? A roach?!

.

Rand: Alright, listen up you little shits. Rand: Not you Liv. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

.

Rand, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

.

Penny: What if people had food names and food had people names? Lazer: Hey, spaghetti, we’re having Penny for dinner. Gabe: What is wrong with you people? Raph: Shut up, chocolate.

.

Penny: So, what, now I'm just supposed to do anything Raph does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff? Gabe: If Raph were to jump off a cliff, they would've done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Raph jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff. Lazer: You jump off a cliff! Gabe: Gladly, provided Raph did first.

.

Raph: What’s it like being tall? Liv: Is it nice? Gabe: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards? Penny: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

.

Gabe: Christmas is cancelled. Penny: You can't cancel a holiday. Gabe: Keep it up, Penny, and you'll lose New Year's too. Penny: What does that mean? Gabe: Raph, take New Year's away from Penny.

.

Liv: Aww, what's your dog's name? Rand: Spartacus. Liv, yelling to Gabe: TRY SPARTACUS! Gabe, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK! Rand: Liv: What's your favorite number?

.

Rand: Which way did Liv go? Gabe: Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I'd guess they went left. Rand: You could really figure it out from that? Gabe: No, you idiot, Liv sent me a text. See?

.

Penny: Astrology is fun because i can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Gemini and not symptoms of mental illness. Zee: Being a Gemini is a mental illness. That’s not hate it’s just a fact.

.

Liv: Try not to roll your eyes at me. Gabe: I don't have pupils.

.

Lazer: I can’t tell if you’re a genius or just incredibly arrogant. Rand: Well, on a good day, I’m both

.

Lazer: Okay. Hypothetically speaking, how mad would you be if I burned a hot pocket so badly it could probably fall off a ten-story building and be completely fine? Rand: Lazer, what did you do? Lazer: Take a guess.

.

Raph: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight. Penny: But are you shuffling? Raph: Everyday. Gabe: What language are you two speaking??

.

Gabe: Who wants to make fifty bucks? Raph: How? Gabe: I need someone to take the fall. Raph: What did you do? Gabe: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked. Penny, from the other room: Oh my god. Gabe: ... Penny: OH MY GOD! Raph: Make it a hundred. Gabe: Deal.

.

Raph: Regular soda is too sweet! Penny: Diet soda has a weird after taste! Raph: No! Ugh, oh my god. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY! Penny: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda! Raph: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink! Penny: I'm going to physically attack you. Raph: Which is better, Gabe? Gabe: Oh, I usually drink water! Penny: Wha- NO! Raph: DISGUSTING!

.

Liv: So when are we gonna tell them? Zee: Just give them a minute. Gabe: *Pulling on a door that clearly says push*

.

Liv: Do you guys want to see a butterfly? Zee: Ooh, yes please! Gabe, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug! Liv: It's not a bug though... Gabe: ... Zee: ... Gabe: Well I still don't want to see. Zee, realizing: Please don't throw- Liv: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

[victorluvsalice]

Actually-Incorrect Valicer Quotes: Romantic Ridiculousness Edition

Another set of quotes from the Perchance generator (some slightly edited), this time all with a "this is how they got together, incorrectly" theme --

--

Victor: So, what’s Alice's type? Smiler: Brown eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, dog lover. Victor: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends. Smiler: Did I mention oblivious? Victor: Yeah, why? Smiler: Okay, just making sure.

--

Smiler: Hey, Alice, are you free on Friday? Like around eight? Alice: Yeah. Smiler: And you, Victor? Victor: Umm... yes? Smiler: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! Victor: Did they just-

--

Smiler: That shirt looks great, Alice. Alice: Thanks. Smiler: But I bet it would look even better on Victor's floor. Victor: Are you hitting on Alice... for me?

--

Victor: [head on the table] Did Alice just tell me she loved me for the first time? Smiler: Yeah, she did. Victor: And did I just do finger guns back? Smiler: Yeah, you did.

--

Alice: [texting] Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box. Smiler: [texting] Did Victor say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'? Alice: [texting] THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–

--

Victor: [pretending to joke] So when are you going to go out with me? Smiler: [smiling] I don't know. When are you going to ask me to? Alice: [later on] And you just ran away?! Victor: I didn't expect them to flirt back!

--

Smiler: [is wearing silk pants] How does this look? Victor: Like its slips on and off really easily. Smiler: Victor: No, I didn't mean it like that- Alice: We know what you meant.

--

Victor: Well, remember when Smiler made a romantic dinner for me? Alice: Victor, they microwaved you a pizza.

--

Victor: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted. Smiler: I’m “a couple of things.” Alice: I’m “got distracted.”

--

Victor: Having two partners is both amazing and complicated. But all our problems are solved with communication. Smiler: It’s my turn to cuddle Alice. Victor: FIVE MORE MINUTES DAMMIT!

--

Random Other Person: So, what is Smiler to you two? Victor and Alice: [look at each other] Alice: The reason we wake up every morning. Random Other Person: Aww, that’s adorable. Smiler earlier that morning, barging into their shared room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

[vipier-a]

WHEN YOU BELONGED NOWHERE, IT WAS MUCH EASIER TO PRETEND AS THOUGH YOU BELONGED ANYWHERE. tristan supposed it was simpler for others to assume his affliction to simply be ego, and ultimately, it wasn't entirely incorrect. the more complex reality was that he carried himself the way anybody might who had never had a home, anywhere safe, who had been brought up to believe that any flash of weakness could prove deadly. not that he had any such interest in explaining that to anybody, let alone some rich kid in his mansion's wine cellar. instead, he gave nothing but a dismissive shrug to the man's demand that he shut up, as though it made little difference to tris one way or the other. in all honest, it did. little more than chance brought him here to lick his wounds, after all, and all of this represented nothing but an unwanted complication.

" well. " tristan tilted his head like a curious cat, his unblinking eyes owlish as they settled on james. he pulled the thread of his stitches tight, and with the majority of the wound sufficiently closed, he paused in his work to engage in this strange exchange. despite this boy's claims, there was nothing about him that scared tristan – as a trained killer, it took a hell of a lot more than a bedtime story about an arguably sloppy murder that may or may not have actually happened to rattle him – but at the very least, he had his attention. " at least you wouldn't be completely boring to kill. I'm impressed. I mean, it sounds unnecessarily messy and lacking a certain finesse, but I s'pose I can't fault you, given that you're not a professional. " oddly enough, the compliment seemed fairly genuine, despite tris's characteristic tongue-in-cheek delivery.

a snort escaped him as he went back to his stitches, sliding the needle through his flesh again without so much as a flinch. he had half a mind to ask if all rich kids were this dramatic, but given the level of offense already taken to lesser digs, he decided it probably wasn't worth the trouble to mention. instead, he rolled his eyes, smirking in surprisingly good-tempered amusement. at least this whole situation had put him in a better mood. " I didn't say I wanted to fuck you. I was just making an observation. " his eyes made a show of flickering once over the other man. " you're not really my type, pretty boy. but you are going to hurt yourself if you don't – "

the interruption stopped him in his tracks, and as if on instinct, he went mute and almost impossibly still. nothing about his stance suggested fear, but rather a programmed response, something practiced by somebody with a need to frequently remain undetected. it was with no small amount of relish that he absorbed the conversation from where he sat motionless on the cold cellar floor, his eager, calculated mind devouring each seemingly innocuous fact with delight. james, the marks boy, we have guests. in his line of work, tristan couldn't help but gather information on instinct, even if it ultimately failed to prove useful. and people often said far more than they thought they did, even in the most basic of conversations. when james returned, standing near his feet, still gripping that blasted piece of glass, tris merely lifted a brow at his unremarkable request.

" listen, jimbo, if it's a security risk you're worried about, I promise you're good. " with practiced fingers, he tied off the stitches and let out a breath before snapping the thread with a single clean motion of his hands. nothing out of the ordinary ; something he'd done throughout his life more times than he could count. how many people could say they learned the art of stitching at seven? " I'm creative, I'm very compact, and my skill set's pretty specific. " leaning back, remarkably casual, he folded his hands over his stitched stomach, as if simply taking a rest, as one does after breaking into a stranger's wine cellar while bleeding out from a stab wound. " unless you're anticipating that the next traveling cirque du soleil show that comes through town will be full of brilliant kleptomaniacs who for some reason feel like targeting your house in particular, you'll be fine. besides, I've just been stabbed. it'd be courteous to give a man a minute. "

❛ bastard, ❜ the tragic hero mumbled under his breath, disgusted now. it was one thing to break into someone's home and bleed on their floor, and another to be an ass about it, to scorn help he didn't deserve. his arrogance was baffling, too. the farrows' residence was large, stone and spiraling, filled with guests the other hadn't anticipated. yet he boasted like he could account for everything, like the whole place moved for him. like he knew every turn and alcove. impatience rose in james's chest; he looked down at tristian and saw richard, projecting resentment for one egotistical man onto another.

❛ shut up, ❜ james glowered, but his heart quickened, one hand clutching the glass in quick defense, the other balling into a taut fist by his side. ❛ i'd make it awful hard for you to kill me. you know, you remind me of... ❜ a frown, a sinking of the belly as he trailed off. could he confess? why not? after all, who would believe this man if he squawked? he wasn't just a trespasser; he was a murderer. someone who belonged on a few lists. james had nothing to lose. he squared his shoulders, feeling lighter already. kept his voice low and raspy, his face fixed in a boyish pout. ❛ an old classmate. he too had an ego for days. one night, he pushed me too far, thinking i wouldn't fight back, but i did. i cracked his face wide open and left him for dead. so do not think that i would go down easily. ❜

james let his words sit and lifted his chin in defiance, haunt swimming in his eyes. then came the stranger's crude comment. he furrowed his brows, taken aback. felt his face and throat go hot and dug his nails into the soft flesh of his palm. ❛ you'd better content yourself with dreams because i'd stick this bottle in my throat before i'd ever fuck you. ❜ here, james raised his hand in gesture, the jagged edged of glass stained red by wine. tristan continued, and he rolled his eyes, pacing. flushed. ❛ you're childish. ❜ then, shaking his head, frowning, ❛ i'm not putting it down. you just threatened me, and i— ❜ a pause.

the detached voice of his mother cut into the air, knocking them both silent. ' james? is that you? ' she called, attempting to turn the handle and sighing when she found it locked. ' what was that noise? did you break something? is this about the marks boy? ' james cleared his throat to cut her off, and walked to the door, but did not open it. he told her he was in a bad mood, kept his tone curt and sharp. he'd only landed a few hours ago, after all. she seemed vaguely concerned; in her own, distant way, maybe she loved her only child. maybe she understood that he'd inherited her fragilities. like mother, like son. ❛ i only spilled some wine. when everyone's gone, i'll come up. ❜ but they wouldn't talk, they never did. he held no expectations and grunted when she left him with a reminder to keep quiet. ' we have guests, your father and i. ' james glared at the wood for a long beat. then, he returned to tristan, hovering near his boot. gripped the shard protectively. ❛ i want you to show me how you got in. ❜

[lyrabythelake]

Three Out of Four Ain’t Bad

I wrote this a while ago for the anniversary writing competition on discord and completely forgot it existed until I look through my files earlier! Anyway, seeing as I probably won’t be posting drabbles for a little bit, I thought I’d post it here

“Don’t panic,” says Red, “he’ll turn up eventually, just you wait.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Green’s harried pacing back and forth is somewhat deterred by the boulders that litter the ground. “Let’s face it, as much as I hate to admit it, we can’t function without Vio.”

“Maybe it’ll be nice,” says Blue, picking dirt from beneath his nails in a manner far too casual for their current predicament, “not to have anyone bossing us around, telling us what to do.”

“Oh, Blue, you don’t mean that—“ Red begins as Green halts violently mid-pace and advances on Blue. 

“That kind of thinking is what got us into this mess,” he growls, prodding his forefinger into Blue’s chest. “Stop pretending this isn’t all your fault!”

Blue’s eyes narrow in familiar anger. 

“My fault? Oh, really? Because that’s not exactly how I remember it.”

“Guys,” says Red helplessly. 

“How do you remember it then? Because if I recall, you said some really nasty things to Vio last night, and now he’s gone!”

“Guys!”

“It was warranted! You agree with me, I know you do, you were just too scared to say it!”

“Me? Scared?! There’s never been a day in our life where I’ve felt scared. I just didn’t want an argument to cause discord between us, and—oh, look, it did.”

“You—"

“GUYS!”

Green and Blue eyes snap to Red, their surprise at his uncharacteristically forceful tone enough to halt their argument. 

“Someone’s coming,” Red hisses. “Listen.”

Sure enough, the sound of footsteps and the unbridled chatter of several people can be heard approaching rapidly up the mountain. 

“Oh, Din’s freaking firecrackers,” curses Red. “It’s them. What are we going to do?!”

“Just say ‘fuck,’ Red,” Green says tiredly. “I think the situation warrants it.”

“What do you think would happen if we tried to combine just us three?” Blue asks as if with only mild interest in the prospect.

“Let’s do it,” Green says, without more than a second’s hesitation.

“Are you sure?” asks Red, growing noticeably more anxious as their friends near. “Is it even possible? What if—”

“—We don’t have any other choice unless we want to reveal our secret, and we shouldn’t do that without Vio. Now, hurry up! Let’s go!”

With much hesitation from Red, the three hold their swords out between them, the pointed ends touching in the centre.

“This is so wrong,” mutters Red, and the others don’t have to agree out loud. This ritual they’ve performed dozens of times looks entirely incorrect without Vio there, like a jigsaw missing one of its central pieces.

They close their eyes and let the power of the Four Sword rush through them, their colours converging into one bright light; green, red, blue, and—

They give a collective gasp at the feeling of Vio’s lacking presence. It’s like expecting there to be an extra step at the top of a staircase when there’s only thin air, except worse than that, like their foot falls through nothing and keeps going. It’s like falling off a cliff and never reaching the bottom, tumbling through a void, and—”

“Could you stop with the dramatic metaphors, Green, it’s not helping!” shouts Blue, and none of them are sure if it was said out loud or in their mind as they finally intertwine completely, their minds melding into one consciousness.

Four stands doubled over, hand grasping the edge of a boulder as he tries to catch his breath.

“Well, that was harrowing,” he mutters. He feels off balance, like his centre of gravity isn’t quite what he’s used to. His mind is more jumbled than it has been for years with one of its integral counterparts missing.

“Four?”

A glance shows Warriors emerging over the top of the mountain, Wind behind him, followed shortly by everyone else.

“Oh good, you’re here,” Sky notes, obviously deflating with relief. “We were worried about you. We woke up and you were gone!”

“Yep,” says Four, scrabbling to find coherence within his jumbled thoughts. “Totally here. All present and accounted for, no need to worry about us— me, I mean me, because I am one, whole, single entity…”

Smooth, a Blue coloured thought deadpans with only a small amount of amusement. It’s difficult to think of himself as one person when his thoughts are grating on each other like this.

“Err…” begins Wild, face contorted with confusion. The remaining seven faces aren’t far off mirroring it.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Warriors asks with a frown. “You seem… off.”

Four, coming to the conclusion silence would be better than… whatever that was, simply nods.

“You changed your tunic,” Wind notes casually.

Four widens his eyes and glances down at his outfit, and—huh, well isn’t that that interesting. Instead of the usual violet that graces the bottom right, there’s a plain, unembroidered green. 

“I feel like you’re kinda monopolising on our fashion choices now, Green,” a blue thought mutters.

“What was that?” asks Legend.

“Nothing!” Four says quickly.

Oh, holy hecking Hylia, a red coloured thought thinks, they’re all staring at us. What are we going to do?!

“Time?” he says suddenly, looking over at the one person who knows his secret. “Could we—I—talk to you for a second?”

Time raises an eyebrow, eyes flickering from his face to the extra green patch on his tunic then back again. Four isn’t entirely sure how much he’s deduced, but he nods once before turning back down the path. 

“You aren’t going to share with the class?” Warriors calls after him as he follows Time. “You can’t just run off like you did last night, Four, something could’ve happened.” Just as Four starts to drift out of earshot, he hears him sigh. “Fine. I guess we’ll wait here then.”

Time stops behind a large boulder, the others out of both sight and hearing range. The slope is steeper here and the view of a parallel mountain range spreads out in front of them, a dark, jagged line on the overcast horizon.

“What’s going on, Four?” Time asks, straight to the point.

“Vio’s missing,” he says hurriedly, all the panic of the last couple of hours released in that one admission.

“Vio, as in…”

“As in Violet. As in a quarter of my actual mind and personality. He also happens to be the part that provides clarity and calmness and, you know what, I’m just going to say it, the only part with any kind of rationality” (A blue coloured growl sounds angrily in his head at that) “so I’m kind of freaking out!”

“Hm,” Time says contemplatively. “That does sound like a problem. Why did he leave?”

Four hesitates.

“We had an argument last night. Blue thinks Vio’s too… controlling, I suppose. Dominating. He told him to back off, let him lead for a change, and, well, I guess he did. Literally. We woke up already split, Vio missing, and we ran before anyone could see us.”

He runs a shaky hand through his hair.

“I don’t know what to do, Time. This has never happened before; I didn’t even know it was possible. What if something’s happened to him?! I feel all weird and off balance and not myself, and—”

He pauses as Time puts two hands on his shoulders and looks him in the eye.

“Four? You need to calm down. We’ll find Vio and figure this out. Take a deep breath.”

Four does, forcing tranquillity where it usually comes naturally.

“Have you any idea where he might go?”

Four thinks. He sorts through his jumbled, contradicting thoughts, through the empty spaces where Vio’s input should be.

Red thinks of the Minish who are always ready to welcome him for dinner when he’s having a bad day. But the landscape here is barren and rocky and he hasn’t seen a single one since they began ascending this mountain.

Green thinks of Vio’s affinity for high places, the wind in his hair and the clarity of mind that comes with being closer to the sky. But this whole damn place is high in altitude; there’s no way to narrow it down. 

“I don’t know!” he says frustratedly. Time opens his mouth to reply, but stops suddenly, tilting his head, seemingly listening for something in the distance

“There’s a commotion with the others,” he says. Four can’t hear anything, but Time’s senses have always been better than his. He looks at Four guiltily. “I need to check on them, but I’ll come straight back.”

Four sighs.

“I may as well come with you.”

As they traipse back up the slope, the sounds Time had heard become audible to him. But instead of the scuffle of battle he expected, there’s no clang of swords against shields, just an overexcited babble of conversation.

He and Time peak the hill, and the others come into view. Their attention seems to be focused on one figure. One small, colourful… oh. Oh no.

“I don’t understand, though!” he Wind cries, throwing his arms up in the air. “Why do you keep changing your tunic, Four?!

Time tugs the real Four (or three parts of the real Four) behind a boulder, just as Twilight says, “And you still haven’t told us how you appeared from the opposite side of the mountain to where you just left.”

“So, I found Vio,” Time whispers with a lopsided grin.

“Oh Hylia,” Four replies, heart fluttering madly. “This was his plan all along. Lure us away only to swoop in and replace us completely. That conniving, grape-coloured little—!”

“Don’t worry,” Time stops him calmly, though humour still plays on his lips, “Leave this to me.”

The next thing he knows, Time is striding towards the group of heroes, clear anger in his gait. 

“Four!” he shouts, making eight faces snap towards him. They’re noticeably startled; Time’s anger is not something to be trifled with, and even if it isn’t entirely real, it’s certainly convincing.

“We were in the middle of an important conversation, it was completely irresponsible of you to run off like that!”

Vio is wide-eyed in the presence of Time’s shadow, and the others stare with varying degrees of grimaces.

“Um…” Vio starts. “I’m sorry, Time, I—”

“Come with me,” Time interrupts sharply, and wow is he laying it on thick. “We have matters to discuss.”

Vio has no choice but to follow with wide-eyed apprehension as Time turns back to Four’s hiding place with a double-eyed wink meant only for him.

As they round the boulder and his other three quarters come into view, Vio lets out a huff.

“Well, that didn’t last long,” he mutters.

“Work this out,” Time tells them firmly. “I’ll distract the others.”

Four nods at him appreciatively before closing his eyes and concentrating on separating the three parts of his mind. It’s easier than usual, like they were never really meant to be together in the first place. It’s a relief to be split again. 

“What in Hyrule were you thinking, Vio?!” Green hisses.

Vio narrows his eyes.

“I wanted to prove a point. You can’t last a day without me, admit it.”

“We admit it,” says Red immediately. “Now can we please stop fighting?!”

Blue scoffs but doesn’t argue further, resigned to the fact he won’t win this argument.  

“No,” says Green slowly, and Blue looks at him in surprise. “No, I think this needs to be said. Blue’s right in a way, Vio. You need to understand that you can’t survive without us either. We’re four parts of a whole, we should be on equal footing, and it hadn’t been that way for a while.”

Vio, ever level-headed, takes a deep breath and nods.

“I think my time away from you proved that just as much as it did my own point.” He turns to Blue, meeting his gaze with cool clarity. “I owe you an apology. I’ll take your concerns without fuss next time. You’re right, we’re all as important as each other.”

“Thank the Goddess!” Red says, a little hysterically. “Now can we please use the Four Sword, we’ve been separated from Vio far too long, I’m starting to feel queasy.”

With a smile, they stand with their swords pointed inwards. Red, Green, Blue, Violet, just how it’s supposed to be.

[hangezoeenthusiast]

You failed me

multiple x gn!reader

word count: 2,524

warnings: cursing, yelling, arguing, death, angst, blood, explosion, the egg (it deserves its own warning)

synopis: you guys failed me(us)

(the lyrics go with each person, might not get everyone, and also xd’s part is kinda wonky)

song: rät by penelope scott

I come from scientists and atheists and white men who kill God They make technology, high quality, complex physiological Experiments and sacrilege in the name of public good They taught me everything, just like a daddy should

Quackity, Karl, George, and Sapnap left you. Your mentors, your friends. The ones who taught you everything you knew. They went to build their little “Kinoko Kingdom” while you stayed in the ruins, the dust. “They’ll regret that.” you swore. You built something better, something greater.

It was called “Las Nevadas”. A place where everyone was allowed. They would remember not to fuck with you. They would soon realize that they should watch their back for the rest of their short, stupid lives.

“Watch out, you guys, I'm watching your every move.”

And you were beautiful and vulnerable and power and success God damn, I fell for you, your flamethrowers, your tunnels, and your tech I studied code because I wanted to do something great like you And the real tragеdy is half of it was true

Wilbur majorly fucked up. He was supposed to be with you to the end, your guys’ country, right? No. He left you behind. He went to find peace, find his heaven, while you stayed on earth, wallowing away until your flesh seeped off your rattling bones, rotting away by yourself, with no one to bare witness.

“Why didn’t you bring me with you Wilbur?” you asked his stupid grave on top of the once L’Manburg. “Why did you get the ecstasy, why do I get the remains?”

“I’m coming for you Wilbur, and when I do, we are going to wreck upon justice on everyone who wronged us, wronged you, they will feel our wrath.”

But we've been fuckin' mеan, we're elitist, we're as flawed as any church And this faux-rad West coast dogma has a higher fuckin' net worth I bit the apple 'cause I trusted you, it tastes like Thomas Malthus Your proposal is immodest and insane And I hope someday Selmers rides her fuckin' train

"Y/n!" Technoblade yelled. "I TRUSTED YOU, AND YOU BETRAYED ME, FOR WHAT, TO BLOW UP A STUPID COUNTRY, A COUNTRY THAT WAS DOOMED TO FAIL FROM THE START." He started to battle you, missing every single swing, blinded by fury.

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE.”

"LOOK AT ME GODDAMN IT."

You looked up at him in the eyes and boldly said, "No, Techno, don’t you see, you’re in the wrong here, you’re the one who betrayed me." You were blinded by friendship, you couldn’t see that Tommy had betrayed Techno, and that what the Butcher Army did to Techno was terrible.

"What do you mean Y/n, you know what they did, they wronged me, they used me, they tortured me, they gave me hell, so I gave it back to them, I destroyed the things they loved, the people they loved, you see Y/n, those who have treated me with kindness I will repay that kindness tenfold, and those who treat me with injustice, that use me, that hunt me down, that hurt my friends, I shall repay that injustice a thousand times over, do you understand?"

"No I don't, Techno, you can't do this.” you begged. He pushed you out of the way, "Get out of my way Y/n." “No, I won’t, I won’t let you destroy everything we worked for.”

“Well, then I have to fight you.”

And thus the battle began, Swords clashing against each other, blood spilling from open wounds, friends digging each other into a whole both of them couldn’t get out of. Techno was letting you off easy, he knew his strength, he knew that he could’ve beaten you in one swipe, but he didn’t want to kill you.

So when you had the opportunity, you swept from under his feet, and knocked him down. You placed your blade onto his neck, pressing down until a little drop of blood appeared, “Stay down Technoblade, or I’ll do something worse than try to put you on trial.”

He watched as you walked away from him, trying to save L’Manberg from a worst fate than death itself.

“One day Y/n, you’ll see, I’m on your side.”

I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, it's true I wanted to be you and do what you do I lived here, I loved here, I bought it, it's true I feel so stupid, and so used I feel so used

"Why would you do that Dream? You didn't have to do that." you interrogated. Dream had stupidly blew up the community house. You both didn't plan that, he had gone behind your back. "I had to Y/n, you wouldn't understand."

"What do you mean I don't understand, you went against my back, we were supposed to-" you cut off yourself, "Dream, don't you understand, you did something stupid, and what did you get, you got stupid jail." "The reason I did that is because I needed to isolate myself from humanity." he said, proudness lacing his words.

"What do you mean?" you questioned. "If anyone knows I can revive people, I'm screwed, so that's why I need to be by myself, yeah it sucks major ass, but at least no one else will know, well, besides you anyways." "I have a task for you Y/n/n, I need you to find a way to bring Tommy and Ghostbur in here."

"Why Dream?"

"I'm going to revive Wilbur."

I was your baby, your firstborn, the hot girl in your comp-sci class And I was Darwin's prep school dream, bred, born and raised to kick your ass I fell for circuit boards, rocket ships, pictures of the stars If you could only be what you pretend you are

"PHILZA MINECRAFT COME BACK HERE." you were chasing Phil, through the woody forest, covered by oak trees. He had information on Technoblade's whereabouts and you needed it. You chased him with your enchanted netherite armor, netherite sword and axe, and a few op potions. Your goal was to capture Philza and interrogate him on where Techno's place was. The thing was, you were his child. His own child trying to kill his own son.

He felt betrayed, his own child turned against him and their brother, their family. "The Butcher Army must've gotten to you somehow." he thought in his head. Surely, his darling Y/n didn't do it on their own will, right?

He was incorrect, you did it because you believed that Techno needed to be brought to justice, by punishment. You believed that your own sibling needed to die, because he was a "liability" to L'Manberg's growth and future. He needed to die because as long as he would live his long life with his little enderman Edward, retired, he would still cause trouble to everything you, Quackity, Tubbo, Fundy, and Ranboo had built.

He pleaded, "Stop Y/n, you don't have to do this." You argued, "I do Philza, as long as he lives, my plans for L'Manberg will forever cease to exist."

He felt like shit, you called him Philza, not Dadza, or Dad, or anything besides his normal name. "Did I screw something up?" he asked himself quietly under his breath. "Yes you did Phil, you took the traitor's side." you had heard Phil mumble.

"HE'S NOT A TRAITOR." Phil yelled at you. "Yes he is, he deserves what he is about to get, I will say it again, where is his base?"

"I'm not saying, Y/n, why are you doing this, Techno is your own sibling." "He's not my sibling anymore, that stopped when he destroyed L'Manberg, you're lucky I forgived you." you declared.

"Y/n/n, please don't do this."

"I have to Dadza, I can't let him roam free."

When I said take me to the moon, I never meant take me alone I thought if mankind toured the sky, it meant that all of us could go But I don't want to see the stars if they're just one more piece of land For us to colonize, for us to turn to sand

Bad had tried to convice you to join the Eggpire. You had no effect while being next to the egg, and he had to take you out. People who had no effect towards the egg had to be eliminated.

He was creepily following you, waiting until you stopped to get a chance to capture you. He had hope that you did have an effect, that you would join the Egg with him. He didn't want to kill you, you were his best friend, besides Skeppy of course.

"Come back here Y/n." he said. "No chance in hell Bad, get the fuck away from me." "HEY, LANGUAGE!" he exclaimed. "No language, get away from me, you're creeping me out."

He threw his trident, spinning in the air, trying to catch up to your frantic steps. You were trying to get to Church Prime, where no one could kill anyone, hopefully Bad would abide to that rule. You were just about to step on Church Prime when you bumped into a hard, armored chest.

You looked up shyly, and saw Punz, with his red eyes reflecting anger. "Where are you going Y/n?" he questioned. "Somewhere." you blankly stated. You were desperate, you didn't want to die, or anything else that Bad was going to do to you. You tried to dodge Punz, but he placed a hand on your shoulder, "Stay right here Y/n."

"No, get away from me, I don't know what's wrong with all of you, but go away, I don't want anything to do with your stupid Eggpire." He raged, and grabbed your wrist heavily, "DON'T TALK ABOUT THE EGG LIKE THAT, IT WILL TAKE CONTROL OF THE SERVER, AND YOU ALL WILL BE ITS SERVANTS." "LET ME THE FUCK GO PUNZ." you screamed. You were wiggling in his grip, trying to escape his lunatic self.

While he was holding you, you saw two other shadows behind you. It was Antfrost and Bad. "What do you guys want from me, I didn't do anything wrong."

"You are against the Egg Y/n, people who are like you and Tommy have to die."

"Well, I'm not dying today." you murmured under your breath. "What was that you said?" Antfrost asked you.

You smirked, "I'm not dying today, I'll tell you one more time, let go of me."

Bad and Antfrost walked closer to you, Punz right behind you, all of them cornering you into a tight spot. "What you going to do about it Y/n, you're cornered."

"You'll know when they get here, but for now, you better run boys."

'Cause we're so fuckin' mean, we're so elitist, we're as fucked as any church And this bullshit West coast dogma has a higher fuckin' net worth I bit the apple 'cause I loved you, and why would you lie? And then I realized that you're just as naïve as I am Oh, you're so traumatized it makes me want to cry

"Tubbo, don't do this." Schlatt had unfortunately found out that you were a spy, that you were on Pogtopia's side. He had ordered Tubbo to kill you with fireworks, to light you on fire, give you blisters all over your body. "Please Tubbs, you're my friend." you pleaded.

"I can't Y/n/n, or something worse will happen." he whispered to you. "What do you mean?" you asked. "He can-" he trailed off, looking somewhere else besides your eyes. "Tubbo, you don't have to do what that stupid bastard tells you to do, you're your own person, with your own thoughts and actions."

"I'm sorry Y/n, I hope you can forgive me."

"TUBBO N-" you was cut off by firewords hitting your skin, making blisters and burn marks all over your body. You lost your second canon life, feeling betrayed by Tubbo. He killed you for what, a stupid father who never cared about him in his entire life, a father who exiled his friends that actually treated him like a person, and not like some random piece of trash.

You respawned in your bed, feeling bruises and bumps mostly on your forearms and your back.

"I'll help you Tubbo, I’ll get rid of him.”

You dumb bitch I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, it's true I wanted to be you and do what you do I lived here, I loved here, I bought it, it's true I'm so embarrassed, I feel abused

“Come on Y/n/n, come with me.” Punz begged of you. He wanted you to visit the Egg. You didn’t want to be controlled by a stupid omelette. "I'm not Punzo, why are you so obsessed with that stupid thing."

"DON'T SPEAK OF THE EGG LIKE THAT."

You put your hands in front of you, accidentally touching Punz's chest, "Ok calm down buddy." He didn't calm down and instead yelled at you on why you had to join the Eggpire.

"If you join, you will be forever happy."

"If you join you'll get whatever you want."

You were tired of the members of the Eggpire to convince you to join them, you didn't like eggs anyway. "Punz, for the last time, I'm not joining you, stop telling me."

“Then you have to die.”

So fuck your tunnels, fuck your cars, fuck your rockets, fuck your cars again You promised you'd be Tesla, but you're just another Edison 'Cause Tesla broke a patent, all you ever broke were hearts I can't believe you tore humanity apart

“XD!” You were pissed at him, he had destroyed your house, made your friends pissed at you, just everything you liked. All because he wanted you for himself.

He wanted you to be dependent on his every word, and he was being a manipulative psychopath. And you didn’t tolerate that, it was like he was his human counterpart, Dream.

He walked to you with confidence, waiting for to get a hug from you, well, he didn’t get that. You slapped him so hard his head swung to the left.

“WHAT THE FUCK.”

“That’s what you get you stupid son of a bitch. You fucking ruined everything.” “Calm down Y/n/n, what is wrong?” He acted concerned, but you knew that he was faking. He would do anything to get someone’s approval.

“DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT’S WRONG, IT’S YOU, YOUR STUPID PRESENCE IN MY LIFE. YOU KEEP ON WALKING AROUND LIKE YOU FUCKING OWN THE PLACE.”

“Calm down darling, just take some netheri-” you interrupted him by slapping the ore out of his hands. “I don’t need jack shit from you XD, you know what, take back the necklace, I don’t want it.” You pulled the shiny, green emerald necklace off your neck, and pulled XD’s palm out.

You placed the necklace filled with memories, and put it on his hand. You closed up his palm, and walked away, leaving XD to his own accord.

“We could’ve had evertything X.”

[lexwritess]

incorrect quotes anon, i have a super angsty idea that i think you’ll LOVE. so basically michael x reader but she died at on of the outpost, and were basically the only good part about michael and him not caring about anything anymore (even more than usual lmao). and it’s just grief and sadness and anger. it’s fine if not, if you do i’d love to make incorrect quote for it also! have a great day/night!!!! ❤️❤️

broken promises [m.l.]

pairing: michael langdon x fem!reader

warnings: angst, death, swearing, blood, i don’t think this is accurate i tried to research on lilith but it was difficult but i liked the idea so this version of lilith is mostly based off the one from caos

a/n: i got a little carried away lmao

words: 1.6k

slightly au! i’m going to pretend michael can’t bring dead people back ✌️

y/n is a witch. but she’s a different kind of witch. she was born for a very specific purpose, one that she didn’t even understand yet. she knew she was different though.

she really knew she was different when her supreme, cordilia, tried to kill her.

she ran away from her sisters that night. she didn’t need cordilia to kill her. she already felt dead. defeated. the only real family she’s had wanted her dead.

that’s when she met michael.

michael despised all witches, but there was something about y/n that dragged him to her. the two of them were like magnets and they both felt it. the world always pulling them towards each other.

she met michael when he was at a loss. y/n wasn’t the only one cordilia hurt that day.

y/n found michael in the woods, he looked ill and lost.

y/n brought him to a dark church she saw a couple days prior. they found a woman there that was eager to help them back on their feet and get them well and nourished.

that was a big step for michael. after that visit michael finally got sense of himself. unfortunately, y/n still didn’t understand her purpose.

“i want to help michael, i really do but i don’t know what i’m suppose to do. you’re the antichrist! i’m just a rejected witch.” y/n tells michael gloomily.

tomorrow was a big day for him, he was getting back his ms. mead. of course y/n was happy for him, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he wouldn’t need her anymore.

“you are so much more than that. you are more powerful than you think and you are a big help to me. and even if you don’t serve a purpose for the apocalypse i care about you and want you by my side.” michael looks into your eyes and grabs your hands.

that’s where y/n and michael shared their first kiss.

“can you help him or not.” you interrupt the two idiotic coke heads.

“oh. who’s this?” mutt said cockily.

“she’s a witch on my side. her coven tried to kill her. don’t get any ideas though she’s mine.” michael said protectively.

you can’t help but smirk to yourself.

“alright, sorry. please don’t light me on fire.” mutt says defensively.

this is the second time michaels been here. this time he decided to bring you along so maybe you could get an idea what to do next if jeff and mutt didn’t.

“do you have some special marking on you, or have demonic fire powers?” jeff asks you while mutt looks for something to help michael.

y/n shows him the upside down triangle that appeared on her wrist about a month ago.

“not going to lie, that’s kinda lame.” jeff says disappointed.

y/n gives the man a glare and with the wave of her hand the glass bowl of cocaine was now broken across the floor.

“WHAT THE FU-.” jeff yelled before mutt stepped in.

“we can worry about it later. look at the book of revelations. have you read it?” mutt asks.

michael looks at them before opening the book with his magic.

y/n flips through the book when michael is done looking for anything else.

“who is lilith?” y/n ask monotone.

“lilith is technically a witch. she was the wife of adam but refused to sleep with him. eventually she went and sided with the devil. the devil turned on her. lots of variations and stories of her. no ones quite totally sure.” jeff explains.

y/n looks at michael with a skeptical look on her face and he gives one back.

“holy shit, you’re totally lilith! but for the new world!” mutt exclaims.

y/n stands up and look down upon the two.

“how would you know?” y/n raised her eyebrows at them.

“you’re coven tried to kill you, you just so happen to be with the antichrist, the triangle on your arm...makes sense.” jeff says.

y/n stays still staring at them. they gulp under her gaze before she walks out of the room.

michael hurries after the girl, needing to know what’s on her mind.

“y/n, what is the matter dear?” michael asks, linking his pinky with hers.

“i do not want to be lilith.” y/n says strongly.

“if being lilith means i will lose you in the end i don’t want it!” she lets go of michaels pinky and storms off to the car.

“darling you will never lose me! i may have to follow my fathers plans to end this world, but i’m still in charge!” michael yells to y/n.

“promise me!” y/n yells back, finally walking towards micheal.

“promise me.” y/n repeats, this time her tone barley above a whisper.

“i promise.”

-

2 years later

present time

the apocalypse is here. the world is gone. hell is on earth.

and you’ve been by michaels side the whole time.

he kept his promise

and now you were standing in front of your ex-coven.

they were back to kill you, again.

“come back to finish the job?” you bitterly ask cordilia.

“i had no choice! you were made for evil, i was never going to be able to peel you away from him and you would always choose him over your sisters!” cordilia yells.

“well michael never tried to kill me like you did! you were the only family i had!” you yell back, tears brimming your eyes.

you furrow your brows trying to hear what cordilia was mumbling but before you realized it’s too late.

“ms mead!” michael cried.

cordilia had killed his ms mead again.

“fuck you!” you say angerly stepping closer to cordilia.

as you walk closer cordilia is pushed back by your magic, a trail of fire leading behind you.

“how are you doing that?” madison asks in shock.

“because i’m the new supreme.” you smirk.

cordilia laughs bitterly and you look back at her.

“you can never be the supreme. you are a demoness! you are and never will be a real witch!” cordilias words burn in your brain as the realization hits you.

“mallory.” you whisper to yourself.

“precisely.” cordilia smiles.

while michael was having his last moments with ms mead, in the corner of your eye you saw madison grab the machine gun and go to point it at michael.

“repellendum malum minitar, ut nobis!” you quickly shout the protection spell.

you repeat the spell and step closer to michael.

“tutela eorum vinculum!” cordilia starts chanting against your spell.

you repeat the spell but as she gets closer the sheild starts breaking.

“et defendat mea!” you shout louder. the shield starts breaking as the other witches join in on cordilias chants.

“amans vitae meae praesidium.” you say quietly before the shield breaks.

bullets shoot throughout the room before your bloody body slumps against the wall. you feel awful, they shot you enough to make you weak so you can’t heal, but strong enough to let you bleed out.

“y/n?” michael says quietly, before he is shot as well.

myrtle cuts a piece of michaels hair and walks back to mallory.

“hurry mallory, before he heals.” cordilia rushes, and the witches leave the room.

michael wakes and looks over to see y/n’s bloody body.

“y/n! no, no, no!” michael lifts you up so he can hold you.

“michael you have to listen to me.” you cough, as the metallic taste fills your mouth.

“i can save you, i know father can. just stay with me a little longer.” michael pleads.

you smile at him and shake your head.

“listen, don’t kill cordilia. i’m not the supreme it’s mallory. she will go back and kill you in a past timeline, so none of this will never happen.”

“i have to! look what they did to you!” tears fall from his face.

“michael baby, i’ll be okay. i’ll be okay, but you got to make sure you don’t kill cordilia. it’ll bring mallory’s powers to full strength.” you assure him.

michael shakes his head as more tears fall from his crystal blue eyes.

“i love you, i love you so much. i’ll be with you soon.” michael squeezes your hand.

“i love you too michael, so much.” you let out a shaky sigh and squeeze his hand back.

“goodbye michael.” you smile as your eyes start to close.

“no, don’t say goodbye! baby please open your eyes again.” michael weeps.

“fuck! i wasn’t suppose to lose you. i wasn’t suppose to leave you, i fucking promised!” michael screams, while his sobs continue.

“it’s too late langdon.” cordilias chill voice fills michaels ears.

michaels sadness quickly turns to anger as he turns around to see the bitches smug face.

“you killed the love of my life!” michael shrieks.

cordilia hums and stares back at michael before waving the knife out of his hand into hers.

before michael can do or say anything cordilia rams the knife into her chest.

michael is at a loss for words.

he have lost

“no!” he screamed as cordilia fell to her death.

“no.” he repeated while falling to his knees.

he puts his face in his hands and starts sobbing.

he has lost everyone and now he lost the war.

he lost everything because of a job he never asked to have.

“poor michael.” myrtal said quietly while walking over to him.

“please! please just kill me.” michael says defeated.

“you’re the antichrist at his full form. i’m afraid killing you is impossible. you’ll have to live knowing you’ll never have her again.” myrtal says while waking away.

michaels cries continue.

he’ll never see you again.

you’ll never see him again.

in the new timeline he doesn’t exist to you and never will.

that’s what truly killed him.