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unsolvedjarin · 1 year ago

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omg after reading part two of the mentor!seb x ferrari driver!reader fic i NEED something where he actually tries to play matchmaker for reader and mick😭 Like him giving so many hints but reader is just oblivious and Seb decides to take matter into his own hands yk?

Only if you’re open to it ofc! 🥰🥰

BEES, AMONG OTHER THINGS.

pairing: (mick schumacher x driver! reader) (mentor! sebastian vettel x reader)

note: HEY. i havent written anything in weeks and its been KILLING me. ive been so burnt out lately its crazy, but seeing seb in suzuka did give me a bit of motivation (although this is more of a mick-centric fic, my boy deserves it.) anyways sorry for letting this stew for so long anon, hopefully i can write more soon ive missed it tbh

summary: suzuka finds itself not only an interesting spot for bee hotels, but for reunions and confrontations as well.

content warning: none, except its a little all over the place and once again i havent grammar checked this im so sorry it’s three in the morning

previous part, but can be read without <3

When Sebastian invited the grid to his bee hotel opening, he expected maybe five or six people to come, but not this.

Everyone was coming.

And by everyone, I mean everyone. The drivers, the reserves, even the team principals, had all confirmed their appearance for the event. Sebastian knew he was loved by the grid, but the thought of all of them coming together for him still made his heart swell.

It was one in the afternoon, just thirty minutes before they were about to actually start the event. While the participation of the drivers were confirmed, they were still coming in one by one, some later than the others. Sebastian was in a particularly interesting conversation with Fernando about flowers when a poke to his shoulder captured his attention.

He turned around to find you, standing there behind him, waiting for him to finish his conversation with excitement you couldn’t contain. It was the first time you’ve seen each other since Silverstone, and even then you barely had time to talk to each other.

Before he could say anything, you jumped into his arms and hugged him so tight that Sebastian thought he would lose oxygen— but he still hugged you back with equal enthusiasm.

“Sebastian!” you screamed, being spun around once by the man. He missed you so much. Sebastian wasn’t particularly the greatest texter, and calling wasn’t something you were fond of, so besides the occasional visit you barely talked.

“Y/N, I thought you’d never come,” he says with a grin. He knew you were coming, of course. You would never miss out on this. You give him a playful shove, before giving Fernando a quick hug as well. In the year Seb has been gone, you had gotten closer with the Aston Martin driver who replaced him.

Fernando excuses himself quickly after, knowing you and Sebastian had some catching up to do. “Don’t tell me you’ve replaced me with him,” Sebastian jokes the second the Spaniard was out of earshot.

“Why, are you jealous?” you teased. He scoffs in reply, but you could hear the hint of jealousy in his tone. “Don’t worry Seb, while I love his talk about flowers, you talking my ear off about bees still appeals to me more.”

That makes him smile.

“I’m glad you prefer my infodumping, then.”

The fact that you taught him that term makes your grin even wider. “Anytime.”

You wanted to talk with him more, to tell him how you’ve been doing the past few months, but before you could, some PR person swooped in to film some videos with him.

“Ah, sorry liebling,” Sebastian sighs. He leans in and whispers in your ear, “One thing I haven’t missed are these media hungry people.”

You stifle a giggle, before nudging him away from you. “Go on, it’s your event, this is your own doing.”

He rolls his eyes but walks away nonetheless, following the person from the media. Before he moves out of earshot, however, he shouts, “Oh by the way, Mick is here! Don’t be shy, go talk to him.”

Oh the bastard.

Half the grid must have heard that. You look at him with shock and a light blush on your cheeks but are met only with a cheeky grin from the man before he turns around to fully walk away.

Admittedly though, he was right. You hadn’t been talking to Mick much. You had a few lunches with him after Seb retired but without his third wheeling company, it just felt awkward to go out with the reserve driver one on one. You started thinking he just ate with you because he felt bad for you or something of the sort.

“Penny for your thoughts?” A voice snaps you out of your thinking.

“Jesus! Lewis, don’t give me a heart attack like that.”

The Mercedes driver laughs before replying, “Sorry, you just looked tense. Thinking about the race?”

“Not really, just some other stuff.”

“Like what? Like Mick?”

You almost choked on your own saliva right there and then. “Wh- what? What would— haha— make you think that? No that’s crazy, I’m just thinking about the bees! Yeah, because like the bee hotel and stuff I love b—”

“Sebastian wasn’t really quiet talking to you just then, you know.” He comments, cutting you off.

“Oh I’ll kill him.”

“Doubt it, you’ve missed him too much these past months to kill him immediately.”

“Touché, maybe I’ll wait a few more then.”

“Stop avoiding the question, why’re you thinking about Mick?” Lewis asks, not giving the topic up. Oh what the hell, Sebastian trusts him right? So you could trust him.

Thinking of how you could word your thoughts properly, you start, “I kinda— I dunno— I mean he’s a nice guy, he’s pretty sweet, and we’re friends obviously so it’d be—”

“You like him don’t you.” Lewis cuts you off for the second time in a row.

“Yeah.”

“Damn,” he sighs, letting it linger for a moment. “That’s crazy.”

A beat of silence passes. “You’re not gonna say anything else?”

“Say anything else about what?” Sebastian butts in your conversation, clearly just having finished his short interview. He takes his place beside you, scooching in between you and Lewis instead of taking up the free space on the other side.

“Oh, Y/N was just talking about how she likes Mick.”

“Was not!” You exclaim.

“Was too,” Lewis retorts. His teasing never ceased to amuse and annoy you at the same time.

“I think I’m going to believe Lewis on this one. After all, you did tell me, and I quote, you ‘sorta have a little maybe crush’ on Mick.”

You hang your mouth agape incredulously before slapping Seb on the arm, “I told you that in confidence!”

Seb laughs before defending himself, “Well Lewis knows now! Besides, it’s not like you’ve been that discrete about it.”

You look at Lewis who shrugs in reply, “It’s true. Pretty obvious when a Ferrari driver keeps hanging around the Mercedes garage, mate.”

Oh well, cat’s out of the bag. There’s no point in keeping it secret from Lewis now, you think. Putting your head in your hands, you groan, “That’s the problem! I’m always at the Mercedes garage talking to you or Toto or even George but never him!”

“Well why don’t you…talk to him?”

“Great advice Sherlock, gee, got any more good ones for me?” You ask Sebastian sarcastically. While you and Seb banter though, Lewis recalls a conversation he had with Mick one late night back in Singapore.

“Hey Lew, was Y/N here earlier?”

Lewis, who was packing up to go home, redirects his focus to the only remaining guy in the garage save for a few engineers. “Yeah, she visited right after the race to congratulate me. Why’re you looking for her?”

“Oh nothing, just asking.” Mick replies, fiddling with his hands. Even in his tired state, Lewis could tell that there was more the young driver wasn’t saying.

“C’mon, spit it out.” Lewis says, taking a seat on a random chair and patting the one beside him for Mick to take a seat. The younger driver hesitates for a moment before sighing and sitting down. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Better than anyone. Do you know what happened when Alonso crashed his McLaren back in 2015?”

“No, what?”

“Exactly,” Lewis replies with a grin. “So what is it?”

“I…” Mick sighs, unable to find the right words for what he was trying to say. “I think I like Y/N.”

There, it’s out in the open, he thinks. Mick waits for a reply from Lewis, but gets none. “Hello?”

Another beat of silence.

“Okay, this is starting to scare me.”

Lewis finally snaps out of his trance-like state, before getting up and continuing to pack up his things. “Okay.”

“That’s it? Okay?”

“Well I thought it’d be something more secretive,” he says, putting up bunny ears.

“It is secretive,” Mick replies, mocking Lewis’ bunny ears. “No one knows.”

“Eh, I’m not so sure about that mate. I mean if you exclude Sebastian, Fernando, Toto, and myself, then sure, no one knows.”

Oh shit. Was he that obvious? “How- how did you all figure it out?”

“Well for one, if constantly tailing Sebastian and Y/N last year was your attempt at being discreet, then it was a horrible attempt. Second, you need to stop turning red and running away whenever she’s at the garage giving out food and what not. I can’t keep asking her for extra donuts for you forever, you know?”

Mick blushed slightly at the comment, not realizing how every time you came around to the garage he’d been unwillingly avoiding you out of fear you wouldn’t want to talk to him.

Lewis pats Mick on the back, getting ready to leave. “Listen man, if I were you, I’d make a move. That opportunity won’t last forever, plus, it seems like they like you back. Didn’t you guys go out together just the two of you a couple of times?”

Mick shrugged, “I don’t know, I mean I think she did that just because she felt bad for me being alone in the grid and because she missed Sebastian.”

Lewis internally rolled his eyes. He’s seen the way you look at Mick, there’s no way you didn’t like him too. “You have to stop doubting yourself. I mean the worst she can do is say no, right?”

“The worst she can do is avoid me for the rest of my life because I misread all the signs and she actually hates me.”

“That’s the spirit!” Lewis replied sarcastically, before murmuring a goodbye and leaving the garage.

That was weeks ago now, but the conversation was still stuck in Lewis’ head. He’d been right all along, you did like Mick back.

“Hey Seb, can I talk to you in private really quickly?” He speaks up, making you and the retired driver stop your bantering for a moment.

“You can say it in front of Y/N, it’s fine.” Seb replied. He trusted you completely with anything and everything.

“Well not if it’s about her.”

“Hey!” you complain. “Are you openly gossiping about me?”

“Listen, if you want our help, then let us huddle for a minute.”

Rolling your eyes, you sigh and nod at them. You really really liked Mick, but you were too much of a pussy to do anything about it. So if these two old twats could help you, then so be it.

Lewis pulls Seb to the side for a moment, inhaling deeply before talking softly so you couldn’t hear. “Okay, so here’s the thing. Mick told me he likes Y/N.”

Sebastian whips his head to face Lewis, “Holy shit, I knew it. I knew he wasn’t going out with us all the time last year for no reason.”

“Yeah, he’s not so discreet. Here’s the problem though, he firmly believes Y/N may hate him, and you know that Y/N believes Mick only likes her as a friend.”

“So what you’re saying is they’re both hopeless?”

“Without our help, basically yes.”

“God I can’t believe they haven’t caught a clue,” Sebastian sighs. “I even excused myself from multiple meals so I could leave the two of them alone even for a few minutes.”

“You’re telling me mate, I basically had to shove Mick towards her whenever she was at the garage or in hospitality.”

Meanwhile, while the two men were devising on their own, you were getting antsy. What could they possibly be coming up with? You didn’t really want to think about it too much, so you decided to take a walk around the track. After all, the event was about to start, so you might as well familiarize yourself with your surroundings.

You went through the unpainted bee hotels, admiring their woodwork and the effort it must’ve taken to make them. Sebastian had sent you a text at three in the morning yesterday saying “Finished! :-)” with a picture of the bee hotels attached, so you knew he put hard work into this project. You were happy that he was doing something he loved while retired, but at the same time you missed him terribly on the grid. It was lonely, you will admit, without him by your side. Sure you had your teammate Charles and the support of your fellow drivers, but it never felt like anyone truly knew you on the track besides Seb.

Stuck in your thoughts, you failed to notice the man who was walking up behind you mustering the courage to strike a conversation. You turn around to check out another bee hotel when you bump straight into Mick walking up to you.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

“Ow—” you hold your head in pain, which you bumped into the bee hotel roof when you recoiled backwards from the hit. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

Great, Mick thought. Now what?

You’ve made a fool of yourself, congratulations, you thought.

Sebastian was about to walk over to see what all the commotion was about, when Lewis put a hand out and stopped him. “Look who bumped into her.”

Sebastian squinted a little— his eyesight had gotten worse but he refused to get glasses— and grins when he realizes who it is. “Best leave them to it then, I have an event to organize anyways.”

Meanwhile, Mick had no clue what to do. You were holding your head in pain, with your eyes closed trying to regain stability from the dizziness, and he was just standing there awkwardly trying to figure out what the right move was. Should he ask you again if you were alright? Should he hold you to stabilize you?

Well, why not both. Without thinking, he holds your shoulders, crouching down a little to look you in your eye, and asking a simple “You okay?”

You open your eyes, squinting because of the sun, and are met with a set of beautiful blue ones staring at you. Holy fucking shit. Now you don't know what to do.

“Uh— yeah, just hit my head. No biggie honestly, all good here,” you reply awkwardly. God, was it this hard to talk to him when Sebastian was around?

Mick lets go of your shoulders— you miss his touch already— and straightens up, nodding. “Good. Sorry for hitting you, I thought you heard me walking up.”

“No, it’s my fault honestly. Was stuck in my own thoughts. Nice that you pulled me out,” you joked, praying to whatever higher power was listening that it stuck.

Thankfully it did, and Mick let out a small giggle at your quip. It was enough for your stomach to do flips. And even though you had no clue, you joking around with him made his stomach do the same thing too. The simple interaction was enough to make him think that maybe you weren’t just hanging around with him before because you pitied him.

“You know,” Mick starts, before he loses confidence to breach the topic. He was here anyway, so might as well. “You’re always at the Mercedes garage but I never see you. I am sorry about that.”

You raised an eyebrow at him in confusion. Why was he sorry? You were the one who avoided him out of nervousness whenever you were there.

“You don’t have to be sorry about that, honestly, that’s my fault anyway. Same with our lunches before, I’m sorry we did those less and less. I guess I got too caught up in the races. We should have another one here in Japan!” You add the last part haphazardly, not really thinking about what you’re saying because if you do you’ll lose confidence.

It was too late when you realized what you said, and terrified to see Mick’s reaction to the invitation, you stare at anything but him. Wow, the sky was blue today. How interesting.

Mick, on the other hand, was frozen on the spot. Did he hear that correctly? Were you inviting him to lunch for the first time in months?

Before the reserve driver could get his hopes up, however, he realized what was different this time. Sebastian was around.

Oh. Maybe that was the only reason you invited him this time around. Because, again, like before, you felt sorry for him being alone and you had the confidence to ask him because Sebastian was here.

“Would…Sebastian be coming?” He asked. He wasn’t a religious man by any means, but he begged God at that moment you would say no. He had nothing against the retired driver of course, he was like an uncle to him, but it would determine— for him at least— if you were going out with him out of pity or because you actually wanted to.

You, on the other hand, had a completely different interpretation of that question.

Did Mick not want to have lunch with you without Sebastian because he didn’t want to spend time with you? Did he feel like you were too awkward? Too weird? You stopped yourself before you could spiral even more.

“I mean, do you want him to?”

“Honestly? No.” Mick hears himself say without thinking. His eyes widened a bit at the fact that he said that aloud, making you giggle. It lifts the tension a bit and the air feels freer talking to him.

“Tsk tsk, I’ll make sure to tell him that.”

“Please don’t, I’ll never hear the end of it. I just meant—” Mick pauses for a second, finding it difficult to word his thoughts.

Oh fuck it. Fuck it all. “I want it to be you, just you.”

Oh.

“Oh.” Before Mick can regret saying anything and repeatedly apologize for the implications of what he said, you tug on his shirt a little to get him to look at you. “Me too.”

He lets out a sigh of relief, laughing a bit at himself. “Thank god, I thought I made the wrong move there.”

“God no,” you laugh out. “I’m glad you said that honestly, I thought you just hung out with me before for Sebastian.”

Mick raised his eyebrows in confusion. Was that what you’d been thinking this whole time? “I thought you were just hanging out with me because you felt bad I was alone without Seb.”

This time you both look at each other, confused. You had both gotten it completely wrong.

The absurdity of it all makes you burst out laughing, and you try to cover it up with your hand but to no avail. “I’m sorry I just— ha!— I can’t believe I’ve been reading it wrong this whole time! I even avoided you in the garages because I thought you felt awkward around me.”

“I hid whenever you were at the garage because I thought you didn’t wanna talk to me,” Mick replied bashfully, scratching the back of his neck. “In hindsight, that was pretty stupid, I suppose I wouldn’t ever know if you liked talking to me or not if I kept avoiding you.”

“Hold on, is that why Lewis always asked for extra food when I came around?”

“Yeah,” he answered, feeling embarrassed. It all felt so foolish now.

“That was stupid,” you tease. “So…what now?”

“I suppose we can just,” Mick gestures aimlessly with his hands. “Restart.”

You smile at him, liking the simplicity of the idea. After dancing around each other for a year, this is exactly what you wanted. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

“What you were saying earlier, lunch? I know a good place. It’s pretty far from the track, but they have the best ramen and— hello Seb…?”

Unbeknownst to you, Sebastian had slowly inched himself closer to where you two were standing, trying to overhear your conversation. He was now stood a few meters away from you, pretending to be taking care of his bee hotel.

“You sneaky bastard!” you exclaim, slapping him on his shoulder for the second time that day. “How long have you been eavesdropping on our conversation?”

“I just got here!” Sebastian replied, trying to defend himself. He’d actually been standing there for a couple minutes, but if none of you had noticed, then it was better for him to not bring it up. “Anyway, I came to say we’re starting the event. Charles is looking for you at the Ferrari station, Y/N.”

Sebastian moves to leave, but turns back around, standing beside you. “And Mick, if it’s no bother, you could come with me and Y/N to Disneyland on Tuesday. Only if you’d like, of course.”

“We’re going to Disneyland?” You ask, but a quick glance at Sebastian's expression and you realize what he was trying to do. “Oh! Yeah, we totally planned on going to Disneyland. You should come with us.”

“Yeah! Sure, I have nothing to do anyways. And lunch on Monday, Y/N?” Mick replies. You give him a soft smile and nod in response.

Seb looks at you in confusion, “Am I part of these lunch plans?”

“No.”

“Great to know. Anyways, to the Ferrari station liebe, chop chop,” Seb retorts, putting his arm around you to pull you towards the station. As much as he wanted you and Mick to talk more, he also wanted his event to get going.

“Talk later!” you shout, being practically dragged by Sebastian. Mick laughs at the sight, waving a goodbye to you and the retired driver. He felt like he won the lottery. You might not like him the way he liked you, but this was a start. This meant that you hung around him for him.

“Was the plan you and Lewis came up with simply inviting Mick to go to Disneyland?” You ask, the second you were far away enough from Mick.

Sebastian shrugs, “Yeah, basically.”

“Oh you pricks. Thank God I didn’t rely on you two then.”

“Hey! We tried,” Seb remarked. “But we saw you two getting along without our help so we decided to leave you two to it. What did you even talk about?”

“Our shared hatred for you,” you replied with no hesitation. You look over at Sebastian with a grin, watching him roll his eyes, smiling.

“Well if that’s what it took for you two to talk, then I’d happily be the butt of your conversations.”

God. Why did he have to be so nice about it? “I’m just kidding Seb, we just cleared up some misunderstandings. Honestly we should’ve talked sooner, it was such a relief to find out I’d just been overthinking our interactions.”

“Like you do with half of all things, schatz,” Sebastian says softly, smiling at you. He was right, you did overthink too much.

“I know,” you sigh. “I’m trying to change.”

“That’s great, but you know what you should try first before that?” Seb asks with a playful look on his face. He comes to a stop in front of a bee hotel and grabs a paintbrush from beside it, putting it in your hands. “You should try participating in the event.”

“Cheeky bastard,” you mutter, grinning. You didn’t even notice you had walked all the way to the Ferrari station until then. You greet Charles, who was already there, before facing Sebastian again. “Still can’t believe you and Lewis’ plan was just Disneyland. Remind me to never trust you ever again.”

“Love you too,” Seb retorts sarcastically, grinning as he walks away to assist the other drivers. You shake your head with a smile, before facing the bee hotel again. Cheeky bastard.

Sebastian and Lewis had planned more than just Disneyland of course, they weren’t stupid. But the first phase of their plan was complete. Sebastian smiled to himself as he watched Mick talking to Lewis at the Mercedes station, ready to operate the second part of their ‘genius’ plan.

It was going to be a long, interesting week for all of them.

#mick schumacher x reader #mick schumacher #mick schumacher imagine #mick schumacher x you #sebastian vettel x reader #sebastian vettel x you #sebastian vettel imagine #sebastian vettel #formula one #formula 1 #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 x you #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #a tiny crumb as in the tiniest of vettonso #because i can #writing

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zoolitsky-fandom · 1 month ago

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Cringetober Day 12

“Vocaloid/Miku”

First . Previous . Next

SOBS I know I’m a bit behind but dw I’m working on catching up!!

For this prompt I didn’t want to draw a straight up Vocaloid bc I’m keeping the theme pretty One Piece centric, so here’s Usopp from that one scene in the oo ee oo video!

Prompt list + reference below!

Reblog are preferred over likes please 😭

#one piece #sanuso #one piece fanart #my art #my post #usopp #one piece usopp #god usopp #usopp fanart #implied ship #but can also just be our love to him ykyk #cringetober 2024 #cringetober #finger artist #october art challenge #october challenge #vocaloid reference #oo ee oo #miku mentioned

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solarpunk-gnome · 29 days ago

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Solarpunk and Cars

Solarpunk walks the middle path between technosolutionism and anarcho-primitivism, so while #bancars has a nice ring to it, I lean more toward using cars where they make sense, but not treating them as the proverbial hammer to the nails of all societal problems like 20th Century urban planners did here in the US.

We’ve explored some of the issues with car-centric design here before, and if you want to explore it further, I highly recommend Not Just Bikes for video or The War on Cars if you prefer podcasts, but suffice it to say that designing the environment around the automobile has had significant deleterious effects on both the natural world and society.

I imagine a few small shared vehicles in a neighborhood for those times when you need a personal vehicle, but otherwise you’d be walking, biking, or taking transit to get around.

https://solarpunkstation.com/2024/10/17/solarpunk-and-cars/

#solarpunk #cars #electric cars #automobiles #car culture #vehicle

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jenoslutie · 1 year ago

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1-800-SLASHERS: an nct dream collab

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Welcome to 1-800-SLASHERS.com. Introducing the hotline where we dial up the heat, not just the digits! Get ready to engage in sizzling conversations that'll make you and your phone blush, as we take your nastiest fantasies to a whole new level. Welcome to the red-hot rendezvous of words - FuckSlashers. The phone line where your wildest dreams ring true.

・❥・When your friend told you about 1-800-SLASHERS. You could almost laugh at her. Paying people to roleplay as characters from scary movies? Who does that? But once you found yourself calling 1-800-SLASHERS way more than you’d like to admit, even going as far as using their video call feature time and time again. You don’t think you can stop.

RULES

ೃ࿐ 1-800-SLASHERS collab has 7 slots for all 7 dreamies. however, i am okay with going over that if 2 people are doing the same dreamie as long as it's a different slasher! i don’t mind slashers being repeated between dreamies either.

: ̗̀➛ minimum word count is 800 words!

: ̗̀➛ each fic is phone sex centric. therefore all fics will contain smut.

: ̗̀➛ must be over the age of 18 to join

: ̗̀➛ please make sure to have a discord account (preferred) or have your tumblr dms open so i can contact you on there!

: ̗̀➛ fics can be posted anytime until november 1st

HOW TO JOIN?

❥ to join, send me a message on tumblr with the slasher you’d like to choose as well as the member you have chosen. but if the same member and slasher is already being written for, you’ll have to pick a different one!!!!

✧ LEE MARK - empty slot

✧ HUANG RENJUN - empty slot

✧ JENO AS GHOSTFACE: @jenoslutie

✧ DONGHYUCK AS JIGSAW: @hall0ween-twn

✧ JAEMIN AND JENO AS GHOSTFACE: @jasminexox5

✧ JAEMIN AS MICHEAL MYERS: @ihaechans

✧ CHENLE AS FREDDY KRUGER: @lowkeyjaemle

✧ JISUNG AS JASON VOORHEES: @be-my-sunrise

if u have any other questions feel free to message me or send me an ask!

#nct smut #nct collabs #nct dream smut #haechan smut #jeno smut #jaemin smut #chenle smut #jisung smut #park jisung smut #mark lee smut #renjun smut

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lost-secret-santa · 1 month ago

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Lost Secret Santa 2024 Sign-Ups

Hi! Since people seemed to really enjoy the Secret Santa exchange last year and I had a good time running it, I'm bringing it back this year! Here's the information on what the exchange will entail as well as the link to the form to sign up!

This will be a pretty basic fandom Secret Santa gift exchange. You will be assigned a giftee that you can anonymously get to know through asks and make them a gift to be echanged around Christmastime.

Gifts can be really any kind of fandom content you like to make. Some ideas of what that could be include (but are not limited to): fanfic, fanart, edits/gifsets, fan video, a playlist, meta/analysis of a certain character/ship/episode/scene etc., poetry, icons/profile pics/banners, or themes!

So basically the plan for Lost Secret Santa is you have until November 18th to sign up, and I will be anonymously assigning you a giftee on the weekend of November 23rd.

When you sign up there are spaces for you to list what characters or ships you want to receive a gift for, and what characters or ships you are okay making something for, as well as what kind of fandom content

You can list specific ships/characters or general things for either (for example: Kate Austen, Jack x Kate; or any m/m ship, any female character, any canon ship, any platonic relationship, etc.) please be specific and list any character or ship you really don't want to make something for so that I don't assign you a giftee that you won't enjoy making a gift for, however, try to give more than one answer, especially if it's a less major character or rarepair ship with a smaller fanbase.

I will share your preference for characters/ships and type of content you want to receive with only your gifter, and will not share which characters you will/won't create for with anyone.

Once you have been assigned your giftee you will have a month to send them messages on anon so that you can get to know them better and make a gift that they will like!

Gifts will ideally be posted on December 24th, 25th, or 26th, but can be posted any time up until December 31st.

Tag your gifts with #lostsecretsanta2024 so that I can reblog them

If you sign up but have to drop out at any time, I totally understand but please let me know as early as possible so that I can figure out something for your giftee so that everyone gets something.

Here's the link to the form you can use to sign up

Send me an ask if you have any questions at all about how it will work

(please boost this if you plan on participating or have a lost-centric blog so that more people can see it)

tagging everyone who expressed interest or participated last year (as always absolutely no pressure to take part again)

@obsessivedaydreamer

@eponine119

@rurza-burza

@kociepierogi

@draven-the-great-is-not-okay

@kateclaire

@johnmurphysgirl

@zeldazee

@loser-xx

@octolingo-writes

@ceridvven

@ivebeendressingforrevenge

@livinginsunnyhell

@echo-the-ghost

@myhillsdonthaveeyesbbg

@nowhereindiana

@lordhamstercheek

@dharmastation

@lockesmissingkidney

#lostsecretsanta2024 #abc lost #lost tv #secret santa #secret santa sign-ups

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eregyrn-falls · 1 year ago

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Organizing a Stan Twins-centric Multi-Artist Lyric Comic!

There's a song I've always wanted to see as an AMV or a lyric comic for the Stan Twins, and years pass, and I've never been able to tackle a project that big. So, I wanted to try to organize it as a multi-artist lyric comic!

The song is "Trouble", by Avicii. (See below.)

What is a multi-artist lyric comic? One where people sign up, and each artist is assigned a line from the song. Artists will then do 1 page for their line, and at the end, it's all put together. Here is an example from GF fandom in 2018. (Here is a video version that someone put together with the music.)

This song has 28 lines of lyrics, but it also has some instrumental breaks, and I've thought of a way to fill those that would allow more people to participate (particularly if someone was unsure if they could take on a full page).

Here's the song:

youtube

There's a lot of details to go into, so to keep this post from taking up too much dash real estate, I'm going to put more detail below a read-more.

Here is a link to a Google form you can fill out to indicate interest. (But we do urge you to read over the details below!)

The goal would be to complete this in time to make it public on August 31st or Sept. 1st, 2023 -- in line with the actual last days in-story of the show. Therefore, the due date for final art will likely be around August 15th or 20th.

I hope folks will find this intriguing! I think it could be a lot of fun!

@mercury-falls and I are the point-people for this, at the moment!

All right -- the way I've always seen it, the first verse of the song is very Stan-related, and the second verse is very Ford related.

Here is a Google Doc with the lyrics.

My idea for the instrumental breaks was to have people contribute smaller pieces of art that look a bit like Polaroid snapshots. If we can get the lyric comic combined with the music, think of the collection of Polaroids accumulating the way they do at the end of the show's opening credits.

There are two main ways artists can contribute to the project:

For lyrics, full landscape illustrations (which include color, lettering, and a background)

For instrumental breaks, polaroid-style illustrations (smaller, simpler pieces in square format). We will use these in a video edit of the comic and have them accumulate like the show’s intro during the breaks. (We will also figure out a good way to display them in the lyric-comic post itself.)

Your art should be canon-compliant, and can depict any time period of the Stans’ lives (past, present, and near-future)! Do with your art as you best see fit with your lyrics, but keep the focus on the Stans and their relationships with each other and other GF characters. Both original content and screenshot adaptations are welcome!

We also welcome collaborations between artists on full pages! We encourage every artist in the project to help and support each other if they are comfortable. On the interest form, you can tell us if you are interested in volunteering to help others with inking, coloring, or creating backgrounds! Or, you can tell us if you think you will need help.

On the form, you can indicate your preference towards the Stan or Ford verses. But once we have the team of artists doing lyrics chosen, we will randomize the list and then contact people in order, to ask about preferences for lyrics. If you aren't chosen for one of the full pages, we would still like to have you involved for the Polaroids! (And you can indicate willingness to be called on to do a page if others drop out.)

We will have check-in dates through the summer, with goals for people to report on the subject of their piece; to have a sketch or layout ready to show; and to show progress closer to the end.

We will be setting up a Discord server to help share information, and to allow people to post WIPs or just generally discuss things, and keep motivation going. If you really don't use Discord, though, and don't want to sign up for it, that's okay. We will put whatever instructions and details we have in a Google Doc, and will share that link for reference. And we can always communicate via email.

I (Eregyrn speaking!) have been involved in a LOT of fan projects over the years. One of the key things to ask of people who sign up for a project is: communication. That is, if you're having difficulties, just let us know! If you need to drop out, just let us know! Don't feel guilty that you signed up and then had to drop out. The thing that is hardest on organizers of projects like this is when people sign up, but disappear and don't answer DMs or emails. Believe me, I've been in that position where you feel guilty and don't want to admit that you have to drop out -- but it's always much easier on the organizers if you just let them know, instead of keeping them guessing! This is just something to keep in mind when you're signing up -- life happens! It's okay! But please try to let us know if something comes up and you have to bow out.

Here is the link to the Google Form, that you can fill out to indicate interest.

#gravity falls #stanford pines #stanley pines #sea grunks!#lyric comics #trouble lyric comic #multi artist project #multi artist lyric comic

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lovelyjasmari · 6 months ago

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Pomefiore Endnote - Perfectionism, Apathy and the True Tragedy of Book 5

Warning: Long post and pic heavy.

So…this is something of a continuation of my last twst reaction post, where I analyzed the Absolutely Beautiful dance video. I ended the post by saying that the true tragedy was not that NRC Tribe lost but that Vil could be convinced he was an inferior performer compared to Neige. Now I’m going to expand on that…in excruciating detail. XD

In all seriousness, though, I'm not really sure if I'd call this an analysis in the traditional sense. Maybe more like a long-winded rant based on canon observations. But all the same, I’ve been grappling with this for the last year and a half since when Book 6 first dropped in EN. I’ve wanted to share my thoughts for a long time but decided against it because I acknowledge how contentious this topic is in the fandom and I prefer to keep my online space as drama-free as possible. I also didn’t want anyone to get the idea I’m attacking others when at most, I’m just being critical.

But with the new story update imminent and it looking like it will be Pomefiore-centric, I’ve come to the realization that if I don’t share this soon, I never will. My timing is admittedly ass but I think it would be worse if I share this AFTER the update and you’re about to understand why.

So before we dive in, disclaimer. This is going to cover the end of Book 5 and the first few chapters of Book 6 and my in-depth opinions on both. There will be mentions of trauma/mental illness and some very blunt (but honest) Rook criticism. But please keep in mind, that while I have my own interpretation of the twst characters and their respective arcs, I am not Yana and ultimately, my opinions are just that. Opinions. Everything I say is subjective at best but a lot of what’s coming up is based on a blend of canon observations as well as my own specific, personal experiences as someone with very similar life experiences as Vil and has been dancing for most of her life.

Still, these are just opinions and I have no intention to offend anyone. But if you don’t like reading negative things about Rook or take issue with this general way of thinking, I HIGHLY advise you to ignore this and respectfully (or quietly) agree that we disagree.

When I wrote the greater bulk of this, it was around when Book 6 dropped in EN. A year has passed since then and I’ve had time to think more about my opinions here and, to a greater extent, how I feel about Book 5. This may sound strange but I feel that Book 5 is both the best and worst part of twst’s main story to date. I really like how it touched upon something that isn’t really isn’t talked about much; how we as a society both admire beauty but also vilify it. Vil’s primary dilemma is how he is wrongfully villainized for his beauty, wealth, and harsh personality, despite subverting expectations of cruelty at every turn. Ironically, when the fandom mischaracterizes him as vain, cruel, classist, racist and the like, they are falling into that same literary trap. Proving the point of his arc.

And as much as I hated the ending from an emotional point of view, I actually love it as well, ironically for reasons that might not have been intentional. What I hated, mostly, was the fandom’s response. There was a great opportunity here for some deep discussion regarding society’s views on beauty, how constant trauma causes us to internalize false perceptions of ourselves, and the rather fascinating/dangerous dynamic Vil has with his vice dorm leader. Instead, any interesting discourse has been lost in all the misinterpretations of Vil. To the point I wonder if we all actually read the same story. I’m disappointed in the fandom, but somehow not surprised either.

But regardless, Rook’s actions were extremely disquieting but not for the reasons you might think. There was nothing wrong with his decision but the way he went about it and how he (and Vil) tried to justify it really left such a nasty taste in my mouth and I gotta talk about it to get it out.

First I just want to commend Vil for his level of maturity and rationality regarding his overblot. Even when it was happening, not once has he tried to justify his actions and in fact it was his own guilt at his potential wrongdoing that ultimately caused it. His fear that in a brief, desperate attempt to be seen as not a monster, he became exactly that. Throughout Book 5, it is implied that Vil already sees himself as a villainous person and internalizes that image of himself almost with pride. But despite this false perception, his actions have always proven the opposite and it’s clear that Vil has always valued being altruistic, determined and just. And his guilt when he failed to meet his own standards was beyond compare.

I feel that this guilt sets Vil apart from the other overblots thus far. Most importantly, he apologized of his own volition and wasn’t forced to. That alone makes him stand out among the overblot characters and, to my mind, makes him the most compelling of them all. If I’m being completely honest, out of all those who have overblotted thus far, Vil has been the LEAST problematic even before his overblot. And the one instance where Vil displayed any “cruelty” beforehand is EXTREMELY subjective. (his treatment of Epel) But the fact that Vil has been the least problematic overblot student so far also makes him the most tragic. And makes what’s about to happen next all the more disturbing.

Interestingly enough, Jamil is correct about this but for the wrong reason and here comes the first point. There was no indication that the audience was anything but enthralled with NRC Tribe. And if Vil or any of the others made significant mistakes, because of Vil’s fame, I’m certain they would have been pointed out by magicam netizens. With the recent release of the Absolutely Beautiful mv over on twst jp, we now also have a visual to go off from.

I talk about this more in a previous post but basically, yes, NRC Tribe’s performance wasn’t perfect, but based on what I saw, I would have expected A LOT worse considering the circumstances. The fact is all evidence points to the NRC boys giving a wonderful performance made all the more remarkable by the fact they were still able to perform after dealing with Vil’s OB not too long before. And the audience clearly thought so too if they were only one vote away from victory.

To add to this point, when the other characters comment on the NRC Tribe’s performance, they make no mention of any noticeable errors. And when Crowley laments their defeat later, again, there’s no mention of any errors. Considering that Ambrose was pretty pretentious about RSA winning, I'm sure he’d mention that, too.

Even further, one thing you learn from being on stage is that your audience rarely notices mistakes unless they are extremely obvious. You, as the performer, might notice, but you quickly learn not to draw attention to your errors and keep it moving. Now of course, the NRC characters could be biased because they want to defeat RSA. But considering the nature of a lot of them, I doubt they would lie so flagrantly. Especially Jack who is pretty no-nonsense even with the people he likes. And Malleus who seems pretty difficult to impress. So if their commentaries are to be believed, this shows that any errors made by the NRC Tribe were not noticeable.

That Vil would think otherwise speaks to something far deeper and far more insidious. Stick a pin in that; we’ll come back to it soon enough.

Vil then goes on to explain to the boys that Neige and his friends worked just as hard and had their own struggles. That Neige grew up in an improvised environment and had to juggle acting obligations with household chores and helping out the dwarves. Again, it is extremely commendable that Vil is able to acknowledge this about this rival. It shows that his contempt for Neige was never as simple as “boo hoo people think he’s more beautiful than me” and he at least respects Neige’s efforts even if this explanation once again falls flat.

Firstly, narratively speaking it doesn’t make sense that Vil is just finding out about Neige’s backstory now (likely from Rook) because I feel like he should already be aware. In fact, all through Book 5, I thought that he did know but didn’t care. Honestly, Neige’s backstory shouldn’t matter to Vil anyway and surprisingly, it’s Ace of all people who explains why.

Neige’s struggles might matter to his fans but at the end of the day if Neige cannot perform better than Vil, then that’s his own fault. There are many artists out there who have to deal with similar struggles but come out as phenomenal performers and yet Neige’s “best” basically consists of the twst equivalent of this meme. Precious, but cannot compare to all the sweat and tears Vil and his team were put through.

There’s actually an interesting analysis floating around this hellsite about how Neige’s childish performance was actually an incredibly manipulative tactic and could have been intentional if he were a different character. I’m not gonna link it cause I don’t want to bring any heat to the op. But I will say that while I don’t think Neige intended to manipulate the audience with his cuteness, in the end, it did indeed work in his favor. And the fact that Vil thought to train Epel to weaponize his cuteness to defeat Neige indicates that he’s already no stranger to seeing such underhanded tactics in the industry he works in. In his beansday vignette, Vil mentions an actor he initially admired destroying one of his stage outfits. If Neige weren’t presented as so naive and twisted from a traditionally “good” character, his choice regarding his performance could be regarded as deliberate. Which is why Vil lamented that he and his team had been “outplayed”.

Back on topic, what I took away from this was that, once again, Vil’s hard work and determination count for nothing because of things he cannot control. Because he was born to wealth, because he didn’t have the same hardships, he doesn’t deserve the same consideration or sympathy as Neige. And his wealth and beauty once again put him in the position of villain to Neige’s hero. It’s a textbook case very common in media, like Sharpay opposing Gabriella in High School Musical. But what’s worse is that from all that we’ve seen of Vil, he could coast on his wealth, beauty and father's fame if he wanted to.

Instead, he chooses to work hard and have his accomplishments come from his own merit. When anyone else in his situation could easily choose the opposite. And just from a personal standpoint, if I practiced day and night for a dance competition and ended up losing to someone under my level simply because they were cute and disenfranchised, I would feel extremely insulted. At the end of the day, Ace is correct and whatever struggles Neige and his team had, they were still inferior performers.

And to add to this point, I believe that at some point Vil KNEW this even AFTER his OB. Despite his earlier anguish at never being able to perform innocent cuteness like his rival, once his mind was clearer, he was able to see that NRC Tribe’s performance was still technically better. He was able to see how the audience responded to Neige and still believed in himself as a better performer. I say this based on another scene earlier in book 5.

Vil was undoubtedly in a very emotionally vulnerable place right after his overblot. He went to great lengths to conceal the aftereffects before going on stage to the point he collapsed as soon as he was alone. After going so long trying to hide them, his darkest, ugliest emotions were laid bare to his teammates and to himself. Manifesting in the worst way possible. And as a professional performer, if any errors were made, he would have been painfully aware of them.

And yet, despite having just dealt with the darkest moment of his life, Vil was still able to stand upon the stage until the very end and give the best performance he could. Against all odds, before a world that has wrongfully perceived him as evil and hideous for most of his life.

And despite knowing that Neige possesses all that he never can, it is strongly implied that Vil still chooses to vote for his own team. Meaning he saw the appeal in Neige’s performance and STILL knew that he did better. And I’d like to believe that even if Vil was aware of Neige’s backstory, he would have still made the same decision. It’s easy to be beautiful when everything is right and perfect in your world. But being able to smile even when you’re struggling and your heart is breaking is even more beautiful still.

Sadly, Vil isn’t likely to realize this anytime soon and will continue to see his own mental struggles as not as valid or “ugly.” Now back to that original pin of thought, Vil will likely continue to believe that he didn’t deserve to win the VDC despite all evidence to the contrary. He’s likely to continue internalizing the false villainous image of himself as well. And for that we now must get to the crux of this matter.

At first glance, this statement doesn’t seem like much but when you look deeper, and look back at some of Rook’s own actions, this comes off as incredibly hypocritical and cruel. As we have seen from Vil’s backstory, he has dealt with untold hardships as well. But Vil’s anguish is more internalized than Neige’s and it’s very unlikely that he has ever really been open about how dehumanizing and hurtful his treatment has been.

And from an outsider’s perspective, his problems aren’t as dire anyway. It’s just like Vil said, his life has been quite different from Neige’s. But mental trauma doesn’t know demographics and can affect anyone. The fact is what Vil has gone through is extremely traumatizing and comes from nothing beyond people wrongfully vilifying him for his beauty. Projecting their insecurities onto him from a very young age. It’s clear that what Vil has dealt with has fundamentally altered how he sees himself.

But at the same time, what do you think would happen if Vil WAS more open about his frustrations? The dehumanizing effect and the bullying? The typecasting and prejudice thrown his way? And the feeling that nothing he does will ever be enough to break free from his villainous mold? What would happen if Vil were to be open about ANY of that? He would be mocked and shamed and perceived as shallow, petty and crying about nothing. Lowkey how many in the fandom already see Vil anyway. We as a society sadly don’t take mental illness as seriously as we should but when celebrities deal with it? It quickly becomes meme fodder and nowhere is this more obvious than on stan twitter. We are all guilty of feeding into it, whether we’re honest about it or not.

Ironically, Vil’s mental struggles is one of the things that would make him more “relatable.” But the truth is that people would never accept that because society has a long history of trivializing the mental issues of celebrities because they seem so far removed from normal people. And then being surprised pikachu faced when they do something drastic to themselves. So Vil internalizes all of it because he knows he can’t be open about it.

A person like him simply can’t be open about his hardships but HERE is the kicker: neither can Neige. He also has an image of perfection to uphold so it is likely he is also internalizing mental struggles of his own. Living and caring for seven others can’t be easy in addition to trying to grow his career. And if his deeper origins are anything like his Disney counterpart, how he came to live with the dwarves must have been traumatic as well.

But here’s the difference: from Rook’s perspective, he is “better” at internalizing those ugly emotions than Vil is. After all, Neige is able to overcome all his struggles and still smile and not give hints to them, but when Vil finally buckled under all of his own trauma, we see what happened.

There’s also the fact that since Rook and Neige attend different schools, Rook doesn’t have as close a seat to any of Neige’s more personal troubles. So it’s likely easier for Rook to project his own ideas of beauty onto Neige because from his perspective, he is perfect. He is beautiful. He is pure. Like the legendary singing princess Rook so reveres. He isn’t plagued with any of the ugly emotions that caused Vil to overblot. And if Neige DOES have ugly feelings or ugly trauma responses, Rook isn’t privy to them, so they clearly must not exist.

I genuinely believe that THIS is what Rook meant when he stated Vil’s performance wasn’t as beautiful as Neige’s. I know he mentions another reason at the end of book 5 but in my mind, they are both one and the same. Whatever technical difficulties NRC Tribe had, they were still polished enough to garner enough votes that it was only Rook’s flawed ideology that sealed their fate. And throughout book 5, Rook is hinted at being aware of Vil’s internal struggles and yet still chose to stay silent. He frequently saw that Vil was struggling but tried to justify his silence by saying it wasn’t his place to interfere.

But that is also untrue because we’ve seen time and again Rook is more than willing to stick his nose in Vil’s businesses. His labwear vignette is the most obvious example but there are plenty of others. In Book 6 Rook admits that his decision to go to the Isle of Woe was fully a selfish one. Leaving Pomefiore without leadership and potentially falling into chaos (the only dorm to have no clear leadership at all during the crisis) simply because he wanted to give Vil skin products that he really didn’t need. A few days without them wouldn’t do that much harm and Rook essentially placed Epel, Yuu and himself in great danger for a reason far more shallow than anything Vil has done in the name of beauty.

He also admits that he would have been willing to drink the poisoned juice Vil gave to Neige for again, a pretty shallow (and extremely twisted) reason. If he’s willing to do that, he is more than capable of intervening in other matters on Vil’s behalf. And later in book 6, it’s revealed that Rook was originally a Savannaclaw student but made the very unprecedented decision to transfer to Pomefiore in part due to his fascination with Vil and desire to further study beauty under him. So Rook had EVERY opportunity to step in regarding his overblot. Even if Rook couldn’t be his “savior”, the fact that Vil would see that he at least had support could have gone a long way.

But Rook’s silence is rather in keeping with his character and his own ideas about beauty. I find this quote very ironic based on how he and Vil are frequently misconstrued. The Pomefiore dorm leaders' views on beauty appear to be the opposite of each other.

Vil can be extremely strict, harsh and can come off as critical at times, but he is never harder on someone than he is himself. He has shown time and again that he sees beautiful potential in anyone. And Vil is more than willing to share the spotlight with his NRC Tribe; build them up from scratch and give each of them the chance to show off their potential. Likely because he knows all too well what it means to be in the shadow of someone else.

Even further, when we look at the dichotomy of a villain versus a hero, the main difference is how they respond to their personal pain. A villain takes their pain and says “the world hurt me so I’m gonna hurt the world”. While a hero says “the world hurt me and I’m not going to let it hurt others”. Up until his overblot, Vil has been the latter of these examples. He wants the best for those around them and while his methods might be difficult to understand, they always bear results. Vil can honestly see beauty in anything, even if he has to coax it out in his own way.

Rook’s views on beauty however, all seem to be based upon the superficial and the evidence can be found in his Halloween vignette. There, he explains further how he grew to adore Neige and based on what he said, it sounded more like obsession than actual reverence. There’s also hints to this in his most recent birthday vignette as well. His ideas seem to be very fantastical, far removed from reality and so obsessive to the point that it actually affects his ability to be a good person. Such an obsession can sometimes make people oblivious to the world and in Rook’s case, often cause him to act out in ways that border on problematic.

In his fixation, he stalks Leona and Jade, says some weirdly otherist shit to Malleus, harasses and assaults Ruggie, and places ridiculously high standards on both Vil AND Neige that rob them of their humanity. Rook saw firsthand how deeply Vil’s insecurities ran. He heard Vil cry and scream out how ugly he felt. He saw Vil’s anguish and despair firsthand and seeing all that, still chose to punish him because Vil’s lack of confidence made him unable to respond to his trauma in a beautiful way. Or at least in a way he could deem as beautiful based on his vapid description of the word.

Rook will likely never be privy to any ugliness Neige has displayed so for him, the fantasy remains intact. And in chasing that fantasy, he betrays not just Vil, but his other teammates as well. Then has the audacity to try to justify it with bullshit ideology and sadly, because of Vil’s low opinion of himself, Rook succeeds. Vil holds Rook’s opinion so highly that he is able to take advantage of that and compel him (and the others) to see his point of view. And believe it or not, in chasing that fantasy, the NRC Tribe members were not the only ones Rook hurt.

Neige might have been happy to have won but he was essentially rewarded for an inferior performance and robbed of an important lesson. One far more valuable than any “lesson” Vil had to learn. As mentioned before, even with all of his hardships, if what we saw in book 5 was the best Neige could do, that still means he is not as good a performer as Vil. If cuteness, nostalgia and warm fuzzy feels are the only thing Neige can offer, he could easily find himself struggling to remain in the entertainment industry as he ages. Not unlike many other former child stars in real life.

Losing the VDC could have been a major wake-up call to Neige that if he wants to continue acting, he has to do better. People might not take him seriously when he’s still doing the cutesy bullshit ten years from now. But because he won, this will likely never cross his mind. Neige will learn nothing.

Now before anyone begins writing up their comments about how Vil verbally stated that Rook was right, I’d like to bring up one final point: Vil agreeing with Rook was another trauma response. Internalizing Rook’s response because it is so in keeping with all he has been made to believe about himself, about Neige, and how it has all now been “confirmed” by his overblot. From his point of view, Rook has no reason to lie to him.

But just because Vil states that Rook was correct, does not mean that it’s true. Despite being one of the more positive characters in the game and being twisted from a “good” character, Rook is just as morally grey as everyone else in the twst cast and just as capable of dubiousness. And this would not be the first time something like this has occurred between Vil and Rook. Once again, I bring up Vil’s labwear vignette. Particularly this exchange here:

Okay, so beyond the general tactlessness of telling Vil he’s gaining weight in spite of knowing how such a statement would affect him, what Rook is basically suggesting to him is that he cannot trust anyone but him. Not even his own senses. That for all of his perceptiveness, Vil is incapable of seeing himself accurately. Though he initially does not believe it, Vil eventually does accept Rook’s statement despite knowing it was bullshit twenty seconds before.

Later on, Vil mentions to Trey that Rook’s only crime is being too blunt and perceptive. It’s true that having another point of view is important at times, but the level of trust Vil has in Rook’s opinion can also be dangerous if he can convince Vil to doubt himself so easily. Theirs is an interesting dynamic but it also has potential to be extremely toxic and detrimental to Vil. At best, Rook gives him useful insight and pushes him to be the best he can be. But at worst, Rook contributes to Vil’s insecurities, enables his more toxic tendencies and his fawning of Neige feeds into his obsession to be the fairest one of all in the worst way possible. Rook can’t be completely oblivious to this. It would be such an easy thing for him to take advantage of Vil’s doubt in himself and value/dependency on his opinion.

Which is exactly what Rook does. As much flack Vil gets in this fandom for being critical and harsh to others, he never criticizes someone harder than he will criticize himself. This is a person who has grown up in the spotlight and has had to maintain an image of perfection for most of his life. A person who gave up one of his favorite condiments because of the damage it caused to his skin. A person who has so deeply internalized the villainous image people have projected on him that he wears it almost as a badge of honor. And because he holds himself to such a high standard and already internalizes a lot of toxic beliefs about himself, it makes perfect sense that Vil would agree with Rook. In his current way of thinking, Vil has no reason to disagree with Rook because from his point of view, Rook has always been honest to him and his overblot already proved he was unworthy of victory anyway.

Of course Vil must be gaining weight. How could he possibly be objective regarding himself? How vain he must be. And how could Vil possibly be objective regarding his VDC performance and still vote for himself after such an ugly trauma response? He can’t trust his judgment, he can’t even trust his own senses. How arrogant and pathetic Vil must be if he can still vote for himself in good conscience after witnessing the pure wholesomeness of Neige Leblanche. Someone who would never overblot. Thankfully, he has Rook to humble that arrogance and tell him what he needs to know. Even if he’s tactless about it.

I mean, Vil literally ran looking for a scale immediately after Rook’s comments on his weight. He probably added an extra hour to his daily workout routine the morning after eating the cake Trey gave him. I don’t believe that Rook is completely oblivious of Vil’s darker feelings, just as Vil has stated, he keeps too close an eye on him not to be oblivious. And he was astute enough to keep his infatuation with Neige a secret from Vil for nearly two years. This had to have been intentional. It honestly makes me wonder what Rook thinks of Vil on a more personal level.

But regardless, the fact is, Rook was always going to vote for Neige and his explanation at the end of Book 5 was always going to be his reasoning. Vil’s overblot just gave him a more “legitimate” reason to do so. For whatever reverence he holds for Vil, it was never going to trump his reverence for Neige. The fact he brought all of his Neige photos with him to the training camp further implies that he was never going to be objective in this situation. And seeing Vil almost poison Neige probably further convinced him that Vil was undeserving of victory.

That may make Rook seem duplicitous considering how positive and sincere he seems to be, but he’s still human. And truthfully, him voting for his bias is not an inherently bad thing. What makes him inconsiderate in this situation is openly telling Vil he prefers the catalyst for all his insecurities and overblot, while Vil was still grieving and in a very vulnerable place. Then justifying his decision as the correct one based on his own personal preferences, weaponizing that vulnerability to avoid being called out. Knowing that Vil wasn’t likely going to object.

Even if NRC Tribe did win, it’s very likely Rook would have still brought up his vote to Vil and still convinced him it was undeserved. I would even go so far as to argue that Rook’s remarks about Neige early on in book 5 as well as Vil’s labwear vignette foreshadow the ending of book 5/start of book 6 far more than the fact that the huntsman betrayed the evil queen in the original Snow White.

That coupled with a perfectionist like Vil looking back at their less-than-perfect performance is what compelled him to agree with Rook. If we take into account the idea that Vil still chose to vote for his own team afterwards, Rook’s actions and words probably further pushed him into believing in the idea of his inherent villainy and inferiority to Neige. After all, surely Neige Leblanche would never be reduced to such a hideous state. His heart is too pure, the fairest one of all and as different from Vil as night and day.

If left to his own devices without Rook to influence him, Vil might not be so hard on himself in this case and would resent his defeat more. As he has every right to. But instead, Vil agreed with what was easiest and what made most sense based on everything that has happened in his life and all that he has been made to believe about himself. Why should he continue protesting when no one else will?

Nevermind all the evidence we’ve seen of Vil’s tenacity, excellence and kindness. Why should he believe that he is the most beautiful one of all when Mira frequently tells him the opposite? Why should he believe in his own noble spirit when people openly say it’s not enough and that he’s not relatable enough to be a hero? Why shouldn’t he believe he is hideous when the entire world says it’s so? When even a large majority of this very fucking fandom mischaracterize him as such and agree with Rook anyway?

Why should Vil question any of this?

And Vil will sadly continue to be second to Neige and will likely never question it. He will continue to internalize the toxic dichotomy between him and Neige and again, why shouldn’t he? After all, Vil is the evil queen to Neige’s Snow White, the Sharpay to his Gabriella, the Odile to his Odette. And Neige is the Madonna to Vil’s whore. Vil is not supposed to be the hero in this story and not even his trusted vice dorm leader has faith in him.

In discourse regarding the end of book 5, I’ve often heard it said that this was a “lesson” Vil had to learn in order to become a better person. I believe there was indeed a lesson to be learned from this, but not the one that many think. Since Vil knew from the beginning that trying to poison Neige was wrong, he didn’t need to learn how to play fair like Leona.

Despite being a harsh leader, Vil was generally always fair with his teammates and again, as a former dancer, the way Vil instructed the NRC Tribe members seemed tame compared to some of the dance teachers I’ve had in the past. So learning to be less tyrannical wasn’t the lesson to learn either, like with Riddle. And part of what led to his overblot was realizing that NRC Tribe had been “outplayed” by Neige’s cuteness. But he still had enough faith in his ability to vote for his own team, so learning not to be manipulative wasn’t really needed either, like with Azul.

No, the lesson for Vil here is that hard work is rarely ever rewarded fairly. And that his trauma is not valid because he was blessed in a way that Neige was not. He must always take second place to him because of his blessings while simultaneously ALWAYS being perfect. And because of his blessings, he can never express ugly emotions, he can never express anguish, and he must always, ALWAYS, take his mistreatment in stride. And God forbid if Vil DOES respond to his trauma in an ugly manner, he WILL be punished for it. He will ALWAYS be punished for it and by those closest to him no less.

If Vil doesn’t like how they’ve treated him in his darkest hour, tough titties. It’s all his fault for not hiding his trauma to begin with. And he doesn’t even have the right to a moment to himself to cry.

But that is where my analysis ends. Honestly this was kind of painful to write because it has made me fully realize just how much I’ve grown to disdain Rook after adoring him for so long. You all have no idea how hard I was hoping he would have some scrap of redemption in book 6. It’s really upsetting that so many people in this fandom look down on Vil or mischaracterize him but somehow don’t notice the glaring red flags in his dynamic with his vice dorm leader.

Honestly, when I think about it, the ending of Book 5 is actually kind of brilliant, even if it’s also emotionally sadistic and lacking in other aspects. I'm not sure if that was Yana’s intention, but the fact that so many in the fandom tend to see Rook as the kinder one compared to Vil is very telling.

Now I’m not saying that Vil is absolutely without flaws, Heaven knows he has many. As does every person in the twst cast. Vil is impulsive, domineering, harsh, difficult to please, overwhelming at times and extremely complex. But he is also helpful, perceptive, intelligent, genuinely kind and wants the best for those around him. Not for his own glory but for their own happiness and well-being. He is also clearly a deeply misunderstood and insecure young man, so I guess because of Vil’s faults, it’s “easier” to mischaracterize him.

As for me, I find Vil’s character all the more compelling in spite of his harshness because I can see in him a true understanding of beauty that is both profound and attainable by anyone. If we are brave enough to behold it.

#twisted wonderland #jas reads twst #long post #twst book 5 #twst book 6 #twst vil #vil schoenheit #pomefiore #shut up jas

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michaeldemiurgossociety · 8 days ago

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Welcome to Secret Sword 3: Sword Hard with a Vengeance!!!

It's the third annual secret santa/gift exchange for the MDAS/Michael Demiurgos Appreciation Society.

Please see this year's rules below:

First the Dates: Sign-ups from 11/7/2024 - 12/8/2024

Assignments Sent on 12/12/2024

Assignments Due on 1/12/2025

Works Posted on 1/20/2025

Big Reveal of the Secrets on 1/27/2025

Second, the sign up form:

Third, rules:

*This is a Michael-centric gift exchange, as a result we are going to encourage mainly having Michael as the primary character or focus in fic, art, videos...etc.

*However, we will also ask if people as one of their sign-up questions would prefer any gift that either crosses over or might involve Tom Ellis in another role like Godcat in Exploding Kittens or Oliver Knight in Tell Me Lies. If we have two people with requests and willingness to do something that's TE-related from other projects, then we will consider doing that as a pairing option as well. It depends on if we have two people who match up in that way, but you are allowed to give a Tom Ellis in another media project answer to that specific question as a prompt, yes***

*This is an all ship zone. The only exceptions are for ships that might be seen as promoting inappropriate adult/underage relationships or bestiality. Everything else goes. If you don't like it, don't request it or add comments to it when works are revealed.

*The sign up list will ask everyone what their squicks/triggers are. If you have them, please list them. This helps us to appropriately make sure you're paired doing work for someone who matches you and also so you don't have to make something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

*The exchange has two hosts, myself (Legendarytobes) and Dtaina. You need to save our email when we reach out to you with assignments and be open with if stuff comes up. We don't mind, we just want to have enough time to let possible pinch hitters know.

*Similarly, please reach out to me or to Dtaina if you need more clarification of your giftee's prompts. We can always be intermediaries and ask the giftee for more specifications if that will help you create better as the Creator.

*Yes, if your giftee requests something with AU or crossovers you can do that. If they don't specifically request a crossover or AU michael idea, then you need to try and honor their prompt/request as closely as possible.

*Also, honor ratings requests of your giftee. If they want something to stay PG, then please do that. We will try as hosts to pair people who have similar heat level requests together as well.

*You will provide three prompts. The gifter who makes your gift only has to fulfill one of the three. They can do more but one out of the three prompts fulfilled is all that is required.

*Please feel free to spread this all over the internet and social media. We love to have new people participate too. Even if you've never made a fanwork, you can feel free to start now!

*In case you feel overwhelmed by being a new participant---and we love new people---but a story only has to be 500 words minimum and a vid only has to be 60 seconds and art only has to be one drawing/image. And, yes, we'll also take poems if that's your kind of fanwork.

*If you want to use AI to create images like from Bing AI Art, that is allowed. We do not want, however, fanfics created with ChatGPT at this time.

So, if you're on the fence about trying it, this is a great way to try creating in fandom too.

We really look forward to having old and new artists/writers/vidders joining us this year

Finally, please keep in mind:

*This is a very golden rule place. If you can't say something nice about a work, then just don't say anything and respect all types of Michael appreciation.

#michael demiurgos #mdas #lucifer #lucifer netflix #michael is a dick #fanfiction #fan art #fan vids #secret santa #secret sword 3 #tom ellis

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tangents-within-tangents · 25 days ago

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Local Ace overthinks headcanon and shipping culture

Happy ace week, my friends! Imma be posting some aspec hc's this week so I felt the need to overexplain my personal stance on orientation headcanons and such

To start, as with any and all fandom things: to each their own. People can do whatever they want, and (for the most part) I can choose what I do or don't engage with. I know that hc and shipping and stuff is mostly for fun, or for seeking/creating representation, no hate to anyone who does it and enjoys it.

But also sometimes things can be problematic and I can still be bothered by those things. Even things that are 'just for fun' or 'not for you' can impact and reflect our views and behaviors, so it's still worth speaking about.

Aro/ace-spec identities are really diverse and complex, and we're really underrepresented as is. We have historically and chronically been plagued by problematic misconceptions and tropes, both in canon representation (or lack thereof) and fanon mindsets. Some of the main issues to be aware of with this topic specifically:

The majority of (sometimes unintentional) representation being non-human characters (like aliens and robots) implying that sex/romance = humanity and/or a fulfilling life. (Here's some video essays that touch on this: X X)

Related stereotype issues like racist or ableist de-sexualization and infantilization of certain groups like Asian men, physically disabled people, or people with autism. (It's an intersectionality thing bc yes those people can be aro/ace as well but it's still complicated) (more video essays! X X)

Common erasure of historically aspec characters in favor of allo plotlines bc that's "more interesting/realistic". Or ignoring canonically established aspec characters in favor of allo shipping (often excused by the fact that some aro/ace people do have sex/relationships, which is true but the complexities and nuances are often ignored and there's lots of double standards) (Here's some posts that touch on this: X X X)

Amatonormativity's over emphasis on sex/romance as a fundamental and necessary part of life, which is often reflected in how media and shipping culture are generally allo-centric, and it can just get pretty pervasive at times (note: we aren't a monolith obv, some aro/ace people enjoy it and participate too, but others don't and it is hard to avoid) X X

So while I know there's lots of reasons for shipping and headcanoning, and for the most part there's nothing wrong with it and people aren't trying to do these things, there are still issues that exist. Honestly seeing posts talking about these things has been really validating for me bc it let me know like yeah this is a problem other's have noticed too and I don't have to just accept it.

So with respect and awareness of nuance, ship and headcanon however you want. The rest of this post is about my own personal preferences and such. I'm not necessarily trying to persuade anyone here, I just have some thoughts I want to put into words:

For me personally, when it comes to characters' sexualities/gender identities/etc, I prefer just to stick to whatever is established in canon (or in confirmed intentional coding), and, if nothing is specified, headcanons that are based in canon evidence (more like theories I guess, as opposed to reimaginings or straight-up projection that knowingly ignores parts of canon. Which is fine and fun if that's what you like but to me there is a distinction). This is because:

1: While fandom culture is all about freedom and creativity, I do think it's important in this day and age to recognize actual canon representation and strive towards that because that is what will reach more people and have impact (and personally I think that writers' intentions should actually be given more thought/value)

2: I think that shipping/hc/fandom culture in general tends to perpetuate amatonormativity (specifically in devaluing/erasing friendship and non-romantic love), and sometimes leads to harmful parasocial queer speculation in real life (though again, I know that's not the intention but it's still a thing).

3: Generally, unless it’s explored as a part of a reimagined fic or something, just saying a random character is aspec (or whatever identity) when they did not present that way at all in the actual media doesn't really help me feel seen.

For example, I've seen a lot of people headcanon Mabel Pines as aromantic and that really threw me off bc in the show she is obsessed with romance. Like if other's see themselves in her that is great I won't stop you (the idea is that her crushes are comphet, which is not something I personally struggled with, and maybe I could see it if I rewatched the show with that in mind) but when I watched the show, I specifically did not connect with or relate to Mabel BECAUSE of my ace identity (yeah this post was mainly about her lol) so it just doesn't do much for me to claim her as aspec, in fact it feels counterproductive.

Sometimes it can feel really tacked on too, like 'well it's not confirmed that this character has sex so they could be ace', or 'some ace people do have sex so they can still be ace.' And like sure yes they could be but often it's like a kid show or something so none of the characters' sex lives are relevant or explicitly confirmed. Just bc they aren't not ace doesn't mean that they are, or that saying they are is meaningful if the character/story doesn't actually speak to anything related to the ace identity or experience. (This can happen with canon characters too, like Sponge Bob being asexual means absolutely nothing to me, especially since I get the sense that the creator said that more in a 'sea sponges reproduce asexually' type of way :/ )

So basically, in terms of representation I prefer the theory/interpretation type of headcanons that have supporting evidence of some kind, because that evidence is what makes me see myself in a character and feel represented in some way by them. So that's the type of headcanons I'll be posting, and that's why I'll be discussing evidence and explanations, even though I know plenty of people have fun and find value in just claiming identities without any of that.

Another thing I feel the need to overexplain is kinda the reverse of that. I think it's important to recognize that a character does not have to be a certain identity for you to see yourself in them. Like that sense of relatability and representation is still valid even if they aren't, and I think it's good to leave space for that ambiguity.

This is coming mostly from the fact that I have always valued platonic relationships (between any and all genders) long before I ever knew I was ace. I've always wished that was better normalized and represented in media and real life. I think that is just as important as queer representation, and sometimes they can counteract each other.

Like yes Min and Ryan could be gay and if that's what the writers were going for despite restrictions, or if people see themselves in that, great! But I would also love for this story to give a close friendship this much narrative value for once.

Merida does not HAVE to be aro/ace (or lesbian) to not want to be forced into marriage with a stranger at the age of 16 (in fact she specially says "I'm not ready" and "not yet"). But regardless, aspects of her story are still really relatable to us and applicable to living in amatonormative society.

Mako and/or Raleigh do not NEED to be aspec for this glorious refreshing no-romo moment to happen (nor does one need to be aspec to appreciate it)

And maybe claiming them as aro/ace could even undercut the power of this platonic bond (like saying the only way they could not be interested in each other is if they are not interested in anyone (same if you said they are gay, as if that's the only possible way for a man and woman not to be attracted to each other)). But it's still a moment lots of us aspecs love because platonic relationships AND aro/ace characters do go hand in hand and BOTH are so rarely portrayed in media.

So these ideas also play into my preferences, and I want to acknowledge that my headcanons don't have to be definitive (which like I know that is normal amongst fandom culture anyway) but are more about pointing out aspects we can see ourselves in and relate to, especially in a media landscape that is so lacking in representation and understanding of our identities.

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dollcuuum · 1 year ago

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75 NSFW Asks

75 NSFW Asks. Obliterate me. Please ask me as many as you

want

1. What tends to feel better for you, sex or masturbation?

2. Your 5 favorite spots to be stimulated.

3. Have you ever had your prostate stimulated?

4. Have you ever had an orgasm from anywhere other than your genitals?

5. Are you well-acquainted with your G-spot?

6. Are handjobs boring, or underrated?

7. Do you like having your balls touched?

8. Do you like having your nipples touched?

9. Do you like having your anus touched?

10. Have you ever been fisted?

11. Do you like mild roughness (scratching, spanking, hair-pulling, etc.)?

12. Do you have any kinks?

13. Are you into anything under the BDSM umbrella?

14. Do you pee in the shower?

15. Do you ever masturbate in the shower?

16. Have you had sex in the shower?

17. Do you like being naked?

18. Do you sleep partially/fully naked?

19. Have you ever to a nude beach, naked party, or other situation involving casual nudity?

20. Are you comfortable with partners seeing you nude in non-sexual contexts?

21. Have you ever showered with someone (non-sexually)?

22. Do you care if a partner sees you going to the bathroom?

23. Do you have naked pictures/videos of yourself? If yes, have you sent them to anyone? Are they online?

24. How many sexual partners have you had?

25. How often do you masturbate?

26. What position do you typically masturbate in (laying on back, on stomach, sitting up, etc.)?

27. Describe your masturbation routine, technique, etc.

28. What do you masturbate to (porn, smut, imagination, etc.)?

29. Have you ever masturbated to the point you got sore?

30. Your thoughts the first time you got up close and personal with the opposite set of genitals?

31. What kind of underwear do you normally wear?

32. Do you ever go commando?

33. Have you ever had a wet dream/orgasmed in your sleep?

34. How big is your penis?

35. Does your penis curve at all?

36. Are you circumcised or no? Are you happy with it?

37. Are you turned on or off by foreskin, or don't care?

38. Do you find genitals physically attractive, or weird/ gross, or not feel strongly either way?

39. Do you like the way your genitals look?

40. Would you be able to pick out your genitals from a lineup?

41. Do you like your butt?

42. What do you do with your pubic hair (shave, trim, wax, nothing, etc.)?

43. Do you care/have a preference what partners do with their pubic hair?

44. Do you tuck your penis a certain way (ie. left or right)

when you get dressed?

45. Do you have or want any genital piercings? Do you like any on other people?

46. What is the quickest you've ever brought yourself (or been brought) to orgasm?

47. Do you ever "edge" (repeatedly stop and start) when masturbating?

48. What's the longest masturbation session you've had?

Longest sex session?

49. What's the most orgasms you've had in one session of anything)?

50. Do your orgasms tend to be full-body, or crotch-centric?

51. Spit or swallow?

52. When you ejaculate, do you more shoot or dribble?

53. Is it hot or gross to get ejaculated on?

54. Have you ever had sex in a public place?

55. Have you ever had sex/masturbated while somebody was sleeping near you?

56. Strangest/most unique place you've had sex? How about masturbated?

57. Have you had any sexual experiences that were downright gross?

58. Are you particularly "vocal" when masturbating/having sex?

59. Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex?

60. Have you had or do you want to have a threesome (or foursome, or more)?

61. Have you ever used a homemade sex toy, or a regular object as a sex toy?

62. Can a dildo feel as good as a penis?

63. What are your favorite positions?

64. Your most embarrassing sexual experience?

65. Have you ever had any genital injuries?

66. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection?

67. Do you think you're "good" at sex, or your performance/ skill could use improvement?

68. If you had the opposite set of genitals for a day, name 5 things you would do.

69. What's something you like about your body?

70. What's something you dislike about your body?

71. What body parts do you find the sexiest?

72. What was your most recent sexual thought?

73. Do you ever just play with your balls, penis, hole?

74. When was the last time you touched your genitals?

75. Do you often imagine people naked?

#wlw nsft #lesbian #lesbian nsft #sapphic nsft #wlw #men dni #wlw smut #send asks #send me some #this looks fun #please

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putschki1969 · 9 months ago

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youtube

Kaji Fes.2023 Day 1 FULL Video [Reupload]

Find the original post from last night HERE. It doesn't show up on the Tumblr dashboard so only people who actively check my blog have seen it. I exchanged the video with an official one so I guess it might have been a copyright issue. Don't think I've ever had one, very interesting.

»»—— CLICK ME 🎁 CLICK ME ——««

❗FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗CREDIT me if you SHARE on other sites❗

I was quite excited to watch this since I only attended Day 2 last December. I didn’t necessarily regret not going for Day 1 but there were a couple of really neat songs in the setlist that I kinda wished I had been able to see performed live. The audio seems a bit dull but maybe it’s just me… Anyway, it’s still a pretty epic live. Please note that they decided to cut a handful of songs from the broadcast (probably to keep the whole thing at roughly 2 hours). The following songs are not included: fake garden, canta per me, she has to overcome her fear, I beg you and 砂塵の彼方へ.

Here are some random thoughts┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)―→

fake garden

canta per me

the world: Nothing much to say here. Decent performance but I liked the song more when it was led by Keiko.

Liminality: Loved, loved, loved this version with the amazingly talented Yuri Kasahara, Keiko and Kaori. The bridge here might be my favourite of all time.

in the land of twilight, under the moon: Never been a fan.

swordland: Another highlight for me. I think it’s easy to tell that I am a real sucker for YK’s guest vocalists that use a more operatic singing style.

she has to overcome her fear

luminous sword: Always been a big fan of Yuki’s SAO soundtrack. I understand why it gets performed a lot.

星屑: Even though this is a Keiko-centric song, I’ve never really liked it all that much so I don’t have much to say about it.

花守の丘: Solid.

ｗe’re gonna groove: Those who have followed me for a while know how I feel about the accordion. I dislike this instrument with a passion and it’s just featured way too heavily here. Fun fact, when Day 2 started with the accordion, I got really scared and wondered whether or not I would enjoy myself.

Obsession: Can’t say I’ve ever heard this song before. Sadly, it’s nothing that leaves a lasting impression. Also, that accordion…(¬_¬) Weird choice for LINO LEIA. It was fun hearing Keiko sing a bit of English though.

千夜一夜: Once again, not familiar with the song. Like this one a bit more though. Generally, I think I prefer rito’s vocals over LINO’s even though I don’t really know why.

Point Zero: This is one of my all-time favourite YK songs and one of the few tracks I really regret not seeing live on Day 1. Another epic performance by Yuri Kasahara. God, I love her so much.

salva nos: Speaking of regrets, yup, I’ll admit it, I am pretty bummed that I missed this one. “salva nos” and “a song of storm and fire” were the very first YK songs I ever listened to and they quite literally changed the trajectory of my life. Without those two songs, I wouldn’t have looked into more of YK’s stuff and I certainly wouldn’t have discovered Kalafina. One day, I wanna be there for a live performance. At least I got to hear “a song of storm and fire” on Day 2. So grateful for that!! Anyway, super epic.

花の唄: No thoughts.

I beg you

櫂: Ahh, I almost forgot about Aimer’s Mizu no Akashi 2.0. It’s so funny to me that this is literally copy/paste. Lovely melody, I don’t even mind the vocals all that much but damn, it’s not even coming close to Wakana’s Mizu no Akashi.

朝が来る: Decent but nothing to write home about.

My Story: Ohhh, another score track from “Hanako to Anne”. I was actually blown away by Day 2’s “希望の光”. This is not as good but still quite nice. Weirdly enough I am obsessed with the uilleann pipes. How come I can’t stand the accordion but I absolutely love this instrument? Probably because I am really into the celtic sound?

Parallel Hearts: Ugh, never liked this song, not even when Wakana was still around.

stone cold: This on the other hand is a song I’ve always enjoyed but with Wakana no longer in the picture, it’s just not the same. Will never get used to the Kaori chorus. Sorry T_T Still like this though.

the image theme of Xenosaga II: Good stuff.

蒼穹のファンファーレ: Love that this is focusing on the FJ regulars. My favourite performance of the song so far.

#yuki kajiura #kajiura yuki #video #report #Kaji Fes. 2023 #Kaji Fes #fictionjunction #Keiko #Uploading this again #the first 2 posts weren't showing up on the dashboard #sorry for the spamming

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chillicoded · 5 days ago

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°•. INTRO! .•°

Hi, I'm Olive! Welcome to my blog! :))

°•. ON THIS BLOG... .•°

This blog is F1-centric but I will probably reblog stuff about my other interests from time to time, and around April-May you can probably expect a massive influx of yap about Eurovision lol

This blog will mainly just be me yapping about my opinions on F1 stuff, and I also plan on making YouTube videos to yap even more but we'll see how that goes. But I'm also into photography so I might post random dumps of photos I'm proud of, and I'm also trying to get back into art so you might eventually see me posting fan art! I'm ALSO working on a F1 DBH AU/crossover fic, but I am very much a plotter and a perfectionist when it comes to writing so I wouldn't expect to see anything of that anytime soon :')

Please note as well that this is my first time using Tumblr so I'm kinda figuring this all out as I go along!

°•. ABOUT ME! .•°

Age: 18 Pronouns: it/they preferred, but any are fine! Country: UK 🇬🇧 Sign: Taurus ♉ Interests: F1, DPS, Eurovision, Minecraft, osu! + a bunch of other random stuff lol Hobbies: Photography, drawing (kinda), reading (also kinda)

I'm currently at uni so if I ever go inactive for ages it's probably because I'm working on some assignment I left to the last minute :')

Also I love misusing grammar for dramatic effect, I pinkie promise I know how to do good grammars I just choose not to !!

°•. F1 STUFF .•°

First race: Singapore '23 (mentally I am still there) Top 3 current drivers: Carlos Sainz, Oscar Piastri, Franco Colapinto Top 3 retired drivers: Seb Vettel, Kimi Räikkönen, Nico Rosberg Top 3 tracks: COTA, Brazil, Singapore

I can't bring myself to support teams anymore to be honest :') was a McLaren supporter but they screwed up the WDC so hard I just can't even with them at this point smh

On that note I was Not backing Lando for the WDC. I'm SORRY I just think it's insane that a driver with 3 career wins could've been world champion. SUE ME.

I also have several opinions about Hungary '24 that I will make an entire post about at some point but long story short, it should Not have played out like that and I will never forgive McLaren .

I'm always happy to yap about anything F1 related or debate/discuss opinions (respectfully!!) so if you want to share your thoughts or hear my thoughts on something, drop an ask !!

#f1 #formula 1 #formula one #blog intro #intro post #get to know me #carlos sainz #cs55 #oscar piastri #op81 #franco colapinto #fc43 #sebastian vettel #seb vettel #sv5 #kimi raikkonen #kr7 #nico rosberg #nr6

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rjmhereunderprotest · 5 months ago

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The Kerrigan Dilema: The Challenges of Writing from a Monster’s Perspective

I’ve always been a lover of the monster side of any story. Not just the sympathetic ones mind you, but all kinds of monsters. I know it’s cliché to say you identified with the monster in a horror movie, but for me it’s been very true for a long time. It started when I gave voices in my head to the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park and has continued to the present day where I’ve probably given Godzilla more personality in my headcanon than Toho wants him to have.

There is just something about the monster that appeals to me, regardless of how sapient they are. It’s not the same as thinking the villain is the best character. I don’t always sympathize with villains, but I do sympathize with monsters more often than not. Preferably the more reptilian-like the more likely I’ll find a reason to side with them. I think it has to do with my empathy for creatures that cannot voice their own side or simply view matters differently. I look at the “Creature from the Black Lagoon” and I see a link to our past who has harmed no one outside his territory and only desires love and respect. I look at dinosaurs in the finale to Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, watch them struggle and suffocate, and am overcome with relief when they are allowed to escape. I see the dragon in any given fantasy story and I ask why it has to be slayed for merely abiding by its nature?

Perhaps it’s my sympathy for animals, maybe it’s connected to things more personal to me that I’ll probably get into later. Whatever the reason, the concept of the monster character is intriguing to me, captivating even. And I’m honestly disappointed how little it is often given the perspective it deserves. The monster generally remains the obstacle to be defeated or destroyed in any story, it is rarely the hero of the work. When the monster is allowed to be the hero it is sometimes compromised by it simply being so humanized that it might as well be a human. There are very few true monster centric narratives in this vein. Nature POV Narratives where an inhuman creature or animal is allowed to be themselves.

For the life of me though, I cannot understand why video games have rarely taken the opportunity up themselves. I have longed for a chance to play a true dragon video game in the modern era for a long time. I’ll even settle for a Dragon Rider game, but the few I’ve played have been underwhelming. I’m starting to get trickles of kaiju games where I can play as the kaiju, “Dawn of the Monsters” being a superb example. One of the best monster games where I am very clearly a vicious killing machine is “ManEater”, the game where you get to play a killer shark ala Jaws. Games like Evolve died on the vine while a few isometric horror games are trying to fill its void. But they’re all multiplayer and I’ve always leaned more towards single player games.

The point is, the list of truly great games that allow you to be the monster is rather low. Not many people have honestly tried to replicate the “Rampage” formula sadly. And every dinosaur game that doesn’t stick you in the shoes of a human that hunts them is basically just a simulator where you’re less monster chowing on people and more realistic animal. And while those games certainly have a place, allowing people to experience animals as what they truly are, I still feel bereft of my boyhood dinosaur fantasy that allows me to be the velociraptor from Jurassic Park. Something that was only allowed in the SEGA Genesis Jurassic Park game and never really again.

I’ve never understood why people haven’t tried to present the typical video game story in reverse. Allowing you to be the fire-breathing monster who battles the fabled hero. Games in general are usually supposed to evoke some kind of progressive power fantasy. Growing as a dragon or dinosaur in ability and power would fill that niche. “ManEater” did it perfectly well, as did “Dawn of the Monsters” itself. It’s probably because of our innate human nature to fear the monster honestly, to want it to be conquered. And sympathizing with it or placing ourselves in its claws so to speak is antithetical to that. It’s just easier to attach ourselves to and humanize… well, a human protagonist. Or at least humanoid one.

There is, however, one genre of games that enables this a bit more. The realm of Strategy Games, which usually have campaigns that feature fairly non-human factions depending on their setting. Some are evil, some are good, some are a mix, but generally all of them allow you to inhabit a less human role and more alien mind set. And if there is one franchise that has zeroed in on doing just that, it is “Starcraft”, most specifically with its vicious alien race faction, the Zerg. Xenomorph Homages on the outside, but far more strange and bizarre in a wider context. The Zerg are generally the primary antagonists of the first Starcraft game and it’s expansion, Brood War. As a result of their terrifying conceptual design and unique mode of gameplay, the Zerg have become iconic in their own right as a dominant monstrous faction.

While their self-proclaimed leader, the Overmind, and its Cerebrates held sway as the face of the Zerg for the first game, they were both soon overshadowed by the REAL star of the campaign, Sarah Kerrigan, the Queen of Blades. Sarah was a Terran Ghost Operative, but after being betrayed by her leader, Arcturus Mengsk and captured by the Zerg, she was mutated into a monstrous psionic being. Half human, half zerg, Sarah became a vicious, conniving and brutal servant of the Overmind. That was until it died at the hands of the heroes at the end of the first game. When she returned in the Brood War expansion, there was a brief moment where it seemed like Sarah had been freed from the Overmind’s influence and had turned over a new leaf. She was now helping our heroes to resist the brutal imperial dictatorship of an expeditionary force from the United Earth Directorate. And while her methods were still brutal, she still appeared to be back on the good guy side.

She wasn’t, she was decieving all her allies. Luring them into a sense of false security before utterly compromising them and decimating their forces. The UED were driven from the system, but many Protoss and Terran inhabitants of the Korpulu Sector were massacred. Including Fenix, the beloved fan-favorite Dragoon Hero and friend to Sarah’s one time love interest, James Raynor. In response, Raynor promised to kill her someday, while Sarah mocked Fenix’s death before letting him and her other enemies slink off to lick their wounds. Kerrigan left her enemies weakened but alive, the message sent. The Zerg were hers and she’d be waiting in the dark of space for them to test her dominance once again.

That was how Brood War ended, with Sarah Kerrigan, the Queen of Blades, victorious. A monstrous villain ending that left fans reeling. The Zerg cemented as the dominant force of the Starcraft universe, even if they didn’t kill everyone off at the end of the story. It’s fairly easy of course to write a monster centric campaign like the Zerg from the position of the villain though. Brood War is a good example of writing a villain winning and showing the perspective of a monster faction with relatively simplistic depictions.

Why is Kerrigan doing this? Why are any of the Zerg doing this? Simple, they’re just evil. They’re voracious, murderous, little better than rabid animals who spread and kill and rip apart their enemies because they can. And they’re all controlled by basically a mutated psionic commando who has gone mad with power. It’s simple, but it works as a story and people can easily accept it. Kerrigan is a monster, the Zerg are evil. There is no way to really say otherwise.

And Blizzard never challenged that clear obvious reading. Mostly because for several years, Starcraft remained pretty much on the backburner of Blizzard’s many projects. Warcraft became their primary franchise, mainly through the MMO they launched, World of Warcraft. Meanwhile, Starcraft floundered in forgotten obscurity, a low priority, even as fans clamored for a sequel.

Eventually, it arrived. Although not all at once. Due to the game ballooning in size and scope, Blizzard opted to essentially split one game into three. The result was that each “Starcraft 2” Campaign was turned into a separate expansion. “Wings of Liberty” would hit first, reuniting fans with Jim Raynor, as he led a rebellion against Arcturus Mengsk and his Terran Dominion, while trying to deal with a resurgent Zerg Invasion led by Kerrigan herself. Jim’s presumption as to why she was back, “She’s come to finish the job.”

For most of “Wings of Liberty”, that assumption appears correct. As Kerrigan is still a cackling, genocidal maniac who seems to have even adopted a fatalistic doomsday mindset. Apparently she suspects the return of a long forgotten evil that even she fears her Zerg cannot stop. Heavy foreshadowing no doubt. Made more clear by the return of Zeratul, the Dark Templar Protoss hero from the original game. He too has terrible visions of this evil and he warns Jim that the only person who can stop it… is Kerrigan.

Fans consider “Wings of Liberty” a fairly good game in general, but there is one hang up for many. That being Raynor’s Vengeful Declaration he will kill the Queen of Blades for all she’s done being seeimingly forgotten. In its place is a new mission, one he’s given by Mengsk’s son and prodded further by Zeratul’s prophecies. He’s going to save Sarah, not kill her. Fans were perturbed, feeling rather annoyed that Jim would so easily go back on his vow of revenge given what had happened to Fenix. Although the general consensus appeared to be that fans really didn’t like the prospect of letting Sarah off easy for everything she had done by saving her from her infection.

One can argue about the trope of putting down former love interests because they’ve gone evil or been horribly mutated or whatever have you. It’s been a major point of contension and subject of debate about how often it seems in fiction that the hero has to kill their female love interest. A prime example is the first film version of the Dark Pheonix Saga, where Wolverine has to kill Jean. Kerrigan’s situation is somewhat similar, only Jim is being offered an out so he doesn’t have to kill her.

While this topic hits on a lot of subjects that are important to discuss, (abuse, victimization, blaming victims for the harm done to them, etc.) they are probably best saved for a different essay. Right now, it’s just important to understand this mindset going in. People were very skeptical about the idea of giving Kerrigan an easy out redemption and it sorta soured them on the campaign, despite it being overall enjoyable.

For my part, I felt, given that Sarah’s infection had clearly altered her personality and mind, it was worth trying to cure her over outright killing her. And even if Raynor had once promised to end her, it had been several years since that initial declaration. Tempers had likely cooled and it was clear Jim was in a vulnerable regretful state of mind at the start of the campaign.

While the addition of Zeratul declaring that they need Kerrigan to defeat a worse threat feels a bit like its being shoved into the story to justify enabling this change of mindset for Raynor further, it still fulfills its function. As far back as Brood War, there were indications there was more at work than just Kerrigan’s ambitions and that it would probably require more than any one faction’s forces to defeat it. So in my opinion, it just made sense as set up to the eventual final confrontation with this great coming darkness that had been long gestating within the story.

Regardless, I was willing to give the next chapter of the story, “Heart of the Swarm”, a chance to tell the story it was aiming for. At the time I enjoyed it as it was a whole different playstyle to adjust to and an intriguing story that drew me further into the characters and lore of the Starcraft Universe. However, even I had to acknowledge some of the problems encountered while playing it narrative wise.

Upon watching a good deal of the campaign on YouTube in an attempt to revisit it some, I was struck a lot by those problems again. Those issues stemming from the challenges of depicting a race of monsters like the Zerg and, instead of making them outright villains, attempting to give them more depth and nuance while still retaining what they are. And frankly, it was clear it was a hard assignment for Blizzard to pull off.

So here I am to confront the challenges head-on in hopes of better learning from both Blizzard’s mistakes and successes in writing the Zerg with this new direction in mind, Kerrigan especially. “Heart of the Swarm” probably best represents why it’s so hard to make a monster in a video game, or really in any medium, a hero. As well as probably a good explanation as to why, despite those challenges, I think it’s an admirable narrative perspective to attempt regardless. One I wish more game developers and story-tellers in general tried to attempt more often.

So let’s discuss Sarah Kerrigan and her Zerg, where we will try and figure out if her swarm of monsterous alien bugs can ever truly be considered heroic. Or if monsters are better left off just being villains.

Vengeance Shall be Mine

I think it’s important to set up Sarah’s mindset for this chapter of the story, because it presents both the promise and crux of the issue overall. Sarah is very dead set on revenge from the word go in “Heart of the Swarm.” Revenge against Arcturus Mengsk, the one guy in all of Starcraft no one will EVER defend because he is just objectively evil and the worst.

Let’s keep this in mind going forward, Mengsk is the reason everything went wrong for a lot of people. He set up Psi-Emmiters around New Gettysburg on Tarsonis to destroy the Confederacy homeworld, using Sarah to do it. The results of which killed millions of innocent Terrans. He then left Sarah to die, because she had voiced criticism of the plan and Mengsk needed to tie up any loose ends. As a direct result, Raynor split from Mengsk and started a resistance group, Raynor’s Raiders, Mengsk formed the Terran Dominion to fill the power vaccum, and Kerrigan was mutated into the Queen of Blades who would then go on to kill millions more lives and destroy many more worlds.

At the end of “Wings of Liberty”, Jim Raynor has seemingly cured Kerrigan of her Zerg infection and killed his former friend, Tycus Findley, to protect her. Tycus was actually a sleeper agent for Mengsk, forced to carry out Sarah’s assassination, lest a killswitch implanted into the power armor he was trapped inside be triggered.Tycus didn’t seem to want to betray Raynor in the end, but he had no real choice and Raynor, ultimately, didn’t either.

When we catch up with Sarah and Jim, they are with Mengsk’s son, Valerian Mengsk, who is assisting the Raiders in evaluating Sarah’s condition. By this point, Sarah is fed up with being here and wants to leave because she has bigger fish to fry. Mainly Mengsk and taking everything into account it makes sense why. Arcturus is responsible for a ton of suffering and one can’t really argue that he doesn’t deserves the payback coming to him.

For Sarah though it is a very singular focus and Raynor is the one who seems to be willing to just run off with her outright. Telling her to forget Mengsk. The reasoning seems to be the same for why she’s here doing these tests. There is concern she might slip off the wagon and become the Queen of Blades again. Her desire for revenge might actually facilitate this return as it seems almost animalistic in its simplistic viewpoint.

When she talks about killing Mengsk, both now and later in the story, it feels less and less like a desire for justice and more out of pure personal rage. A vendetta that is no doubt understandable, even sympathetic given what she suffered, but still selfish. Mengsk betrayed her and as a result turned her into something horrible. She lost years of her life, became a hated monster and, seemingly at the forefront in her mind, denied her a future with Jim.

That seems to be the driving force for Sarah, the anger she feels at being separated from Jim. In all honesty, while the romantic moments between the two in the prior game before her transformation were sparse, it was clear there was a genuine shared attraction. Jim clearly seeing her as a person and not just a weapon, like everyone else had apparently treated her, no doubt endeared him to her. The fact that Jim risked everything to bring her back has only solidified that it seems.

Without that wider context in mind though, Sarah’s motivation feels rather lacking and simplistic. In the prior game, Raynor as a human had more complex emotions surrounding his choices and actions. There were a lot of factors pushing him to make the final decision to save Sarah. Not just his feelings for her, or Zeratul’s vision, but also the fact he was trying to lead a rebellion and more importantly find a greater sense of purpose instead of drowning himself in beer after beer. Raynor needed to find hope again and that story is universal. Saving Sarah and thus stopping her mad rampage without killing her, like she’s the Dark Phoenix, is his redemption for failing her.

Sarah’s goals are highly insular in contrast, she’s already fitting a more monster motivation angle even now. How do I survive? Kill the thing threatening me. What matters to me? This person I care about. Kerrigan’s thoughts revolve around her hatred for Mengsk and her desire to be with Jim. That’s at the very least how she starts out and frankly she doesn’t really move the needle too much. There is very little struggle in Kerrigan’s mind concerning what needs to be done. Mengsk must die and she must be with Jim. Her desire to get out of her containment, out of the lab, is motivated more out of the hope of being with Jim and killing Mengsk than it is with anything else.

Sure, she wants to teach Valerian a lesson about thinking he can use her to control the Zerg and does so effectively. But she very clearly takes a little pleasure in sicking her Zerglings on the sublevel of the lab and destroying his robots. She doesn’t kill anyone of course, but she still makes her point. “You can’t control the Zerg and you can’t control ME.” So Valerian might as well stop trying, let her out and let her pursue what she wants rather than remain an obstacle. She can leave anytime she wants, as she deftly demonstrates. She’s being polite by not doing so.

Monster goals follow this sort of logic, a personal primal motivation and a refusal to be confined by artificial means. These are the motivating factors for many monsters, whether hero or villain. They’re animalistic drives, far simpler in their context, more direct thinking than complex. We can see it in many a creature feature.

Godzilla isn’t stupid, he just has a very particular goal in mind and will smash through any obstacle in his way to do it. Whether it is a building or an army. Same as Kong, the shark from Jaws, the Xenomorph, the Predator or any variety of movie monsters you can name. Kerrigan’s closest cinematic equivalent is probably Jason Voorhees, a slasher villain who is basically a monstrous entity with no real greater goal than revenge for what happened to his mother and himself. There are key differences, rational thinking, the ability to talk, the overall goal in both scope and motivation, but the parallels are there.

So even saved, Sarah still seems to be thinking like her old self or at least like a Zerg. Find the enemy, kill the enemy, protect only what interests you, refuse confinement. She might have justifiable reasons to feel that way, but it can be fairly alienating if your lead character comes across as fairly selfish and single-minded.

The concerns of her slipping back into her old persona aren’t unfounded either. When Arcturus Mengsk’s forces attack the facility Kerrigan is in, it becomes clear that the Dominion Marines have been instructed with pretty much killing everyone in there if it means taking down Kerrigan. This sorta justifies Sarah’s position, that Mengsk won’t let her live and he needs be taken down. Given the lengths he went to kill her, it’s naïve to assume he’d just give up honestly.

Implanting Tycus within Raynor’s Raiders simply to kill Kerrigan was rather insane. He had the potential to destroy the Rebels from the inside, but there was never any indication that Mengsk used this to his advantage in “Wings of Liberty.” Tycus was just there to be in the right place at the right time to kill Sarah and Arcturus was willing to let Raynor disrupt his empire to maintain Tycus’ cover the whole time. Mengsk will even potentially kill his own son if it means destroying Kerrigan. This is emphasized by the fact the Dominion Fleet keeps shooting the Hyperion, despite Valerian being aboard, because Kerrigan is also aboard. Even Valerian knows this, saying his father will “sacrifice any piece on the board to take the queen.”

At the same time however, Sarah has her own one-track mindset. When she first gets aboard the Hyperion she has been separated from Jim during the escape from the facility. Instantly upon seeing him, she psychically attacks Valerian. She blames him for leaving Jim behind, it’s only that very Dominion Fleet firing on them that even gets her to stop. She makes it very clear despite pleas to the contrary, there is no US as far as Sarah is concerned. The Raiders aren’t her allies, Jim is and she won’t leave without him.

This all denotes that Sarah is acting very much still like her old persona. While she may not remember what she did as the Queen of Blades, she isn’t really that far off from being her again. Her motivations may have changed, but she’s not truly back to her old self. The trauma and length of time as the Queen has clearly altered that.

With the Hyperion unable to stay, Kerrigan leaves for a nearby planet’s surface, hoping to wait for Jim there. Instead she finds a Dominion Outpost and a massive orbital gun. She needs it gone or else Raynor will be blown out of the sky. She can’t do it alone, so she connects to the nearby Zerg colony and its Swarm Queen. These are new units for the game, created by Kerrigan herself to replace the Cerebrates of the Overmind. They now oversee the larger Swarm for her as lieutenants.

This Swarm Queen, Naktul, dutifully obeys Sarah’s commands and assists her in destroying the Dominion Forces on the planet as well as taking out the gun. While successful, Sarah realizes that she’s slipping back into her Queen of Blades persona. She’s even starting to talk like them, separating herself from the other Terrans. With this knowledge, Kerrigan retreats to her dropship and tries to sort things out. It’s very clear that without Raynor’s support structure, she is very quickly slipping back into darkness inside her. A fact that she freely admits to. She keeps trying to contact Jim, but he’s not answering her. She’s alone, save for a single Zergling that snuck aboard creeping up to her. It doesn’t seem to be all that threatening to her, even as she points a gun at it.

Then she gets the news that Raynor has seemingly been captured and executed. Mengsk then comes on next, celebrating Jim’s death as Sarah breaks down in the dropship, unable to cope with the fact that Jim has died and she couldn’t save him. All while Mengsk gloats at the prospect of his absolute victoty and unopposed rule.

"Proud Dominion citizens, at long last our nightmare is over. The lawless terrorist James Raynor is dead. With his death comes a new era of peace. The protoss have retreated from our Dominion, and the zerg threat has been removed. Their Swarm is shattered and leaderless. Soon we will eradicate every last zerg on Char. In short, we have won.”

And all this time, the zergling stays at Sarah’s side, offering her the only support she has left to lean on it seems, her Swarm. With Raynor dead and the Protoss backing off to deal with their own problems, Sarah is all that remains to potentially challenge Mengsk and defeat him. Despite whatever reservations she had, the one person who believed, supported and trusted her is gone. With no one else, of course she returns to the Zerg and the only people that she has left. She embraces the monster within and the power it holds.

It’s obvious the scene is meant to make us side with and agree with Kerrigan’s decision to simply go full Zerg. After all, we like Jim and the prospect of him being dead at Mengsk’s hands is not going to sit well with us. We’d likely want revenge just as much as Sarah does and frankly, whatever reservations one might have about Kerrigan right now, the scene IS effective. Partially because of the high quality cinematics, the voice acting, and the direction. But generally I think it has to come back to Mengsk. His gloating, his self-assurance that he has won, that he’s the hero of humanity while Sarah mourns the loss of the one person she ever truly loved. Who wouldn’t agree with her in this moment that retaking the mantle of Queen of Blades is her best and only option?

This is the monster mindset, the subversion of the typical storyline. No longer is the human knight the savior of humanity, but a villain that needs to be destroyed. Because it has taken something from the monster, something that it felt it deserved or earned. Something that belonged to it alone. In his efforts to be the conquering hero, Mengsk has incured the wrath of a force greater than himself, more primal and ancient. This is what the Zerg represent, the scorned and wronged dragon who will burn the castle to the ground as punishment for the kingdom’s arrogance.

When we played as Raynor, we inhabited very human concepts of conflict. “Wings of Liberty” had us fighting for ideals like freedom, justice, hope among others. Kerrigan and her Swarm are now fighting in this moment for survival and retribution, distinctly more primal concepts. You can’t really spin these in good ways, there’s always a negative association with something so innately thematically insular. We might agree with Sarah, but her actions aren’t really for the greater good, they’re for herself. And that inherently makes her struggle and us connecting with her an uphill battle. Because, as we’ve established by now, she’s no longer really human anymore. Maybe in appearence she is, but not in mindset.

Summon the Swarm

At this point the game opens up to give you more choice in which missions you do, but unlike the previous game you will be locked onto that set pack of missions on which ever planet you decide to pick. Whether you go to Char or Kaldir, you’ll remain there until every mission there is completed. It’s again showing more a direct single minded nature with the Zerg and Kerrigan, they’ll keep fighting until they’ve claimed all territory as their own and every threat eliminated, or they die. So even the mission structure of the game is based around a more monster-oriented mindset.

Whichever planet you pick, you end up finding a vacant Zerg Leviathan, essentially a biological spaceship, that Sarah quickly seizes control of. It’s here we meet Izsha, a strange Zerg creature that acts as Kerrigan’s advisor and eventually Abathur, an even stranger Zerg creature who is basically an alien mad scientist obsessed with constantly evolving the Zerg.

Like “Wings of Liberty” these are the first two NPC characters you can interact with in your hub aboard the Leviathan between missions. However, while some may occupy similar positions to previous characters, Izsha is basically Sarah’s Matt Horner and Abathur is essentially Swann, that is where the similarities end.

And this holds true for all of Kerrigan’s lieutenants within her Swarm, which this section will discuss in detail. Although it might not be terribly long because of one specific problem they all have.

They are all incredibly flat static characters. And this isn’t a flaw, it’s by design.

Izsha is probably the greatest offender. She has no real personality, she’s basically an emotionless bug creature with no real opinions or thoughts of her own. She essentially exists as another extension of Sarah, functionally keeping her updated on incoming threats and providing her intel before and during missions. She is functionally just a palette swap replacement of the Adjutant that’s been talking to you for a while. Sometimes Izsha will ask questions, she might make a seemingly snide or rye comment here and there, but ultimately it reads like she just doesn’t understand the wider context of Kerrigan’s thoughts and statements.

She’s a lot like Data from Star Trek: TNG in this regard, but Izsha doesn’t want to be more human nor does she really want to understand how to be human. In fact, she doesn’t really have any desires, as she’s a creation of Kerrigan’s meant to hold all her relevant thoughts and plans. Like the Cerebrates of past Starcraft games, but with no real control over the Swarm. She simply wishes to know how best she can serve her queen. She is devotely loyal, to a fault and never once seems to doubt this.

The closest she gets is after the end of a particular mission where Sarah won’t speak with anyone and she shows concern for that. As soon as that’s over though, Izsha never brings it up again and Sarah never really confides in Izsha in any case. All she’s there to do is sift through additional plans and stray thoughts that might be relevant to the Swarm’s survival. Metatextually, this serves the purpose of giving Kerrigan someone to talk to aboard the Leviathan before more show up later.

However, she’s not a friend or even a confidant, she’s basically a sounding board for Sarah to mouth off to. Even that has its limits. Whenever Izsha’s questions hit too close to home for Sarah, particularly where it may raise some doubts, fears or problems with Kerrigan’s motivations and goals, that is when she silences her creepy advisor. Sarah snaps at Izsha to drop the subject and Izsha does so without another word. Her deference to Kerrigan’s commands and refusal to ever challenge her on anything make Izsha functionally a beta to Kerrigan’s alpha. She is in no position to make demands, her council is only needed up to a point and barely at all. She is purely a subordinate lackey, not a friend or comrade.

Abathur is at least a bit more interesting, as his character doesn’t speak nearly as monotone and has far more personality to it even if he’s ultimately just as flat as Izsha narratively. Abathur exists purely to evolve the swarm, toiling away in the Leviathan’s Evolution Pit crafting new upgrades for your various units. His nightmarish visage, gruff but direct voice and matter of fact sentence structure basically makes him seem like a less friendly, more sinister version of Mordin Solus from the Mass Effect games. They’re both mad scientists to a degree, so the comparison is apt.

However, Abathur has even fewer moral scruples and hang ups than Mordin ever did. He is not above killing living test subjects he deems failures. He will rip off limbs, he we tear through skin, break bones, lacerate organs, pull out brains, and ultimately eviscerate his experiments to achieve his ends. Those ends always being make the Swarm Stronger, more adaptable, more evolved. And if a few experiments die or are tossed aside, oh well. Just how it goes.

Kerrigan finds his rather brutal form of enforced natural selection rather displeasing, mainly because she thinks Abathur is familiar to her. Not long after meeting and conversing with him, Sarah learns the truth. Abathur isn’t a new creation of the Zerg like Izsha or her Swarm Queens. He was the one who put her in the crysallis that turned her into the Queen of Blades in the first place.

While he clearly didn’t have many options, given that the Overmind likely made him do it regardless of anything else, Abathur is unapologetic. In fact he’s proud of his work and a bit disappointed that Sarah undid it all. Not mad, just confused as to why she didn’t appreciate what he did for her. Naturally, Kerrigan is not happy with this knowledge and only restrains herself from killing Abathur outright because she understands she needs him. Mengsk is still the person who got her captured and while he’s probably more directly responsible, Abathur again had no real choice in the matter. For his part though, Abathur just doesn’t understand Sarah’s anger.

To be honest, he doesn’t understand many human emotions, seeing them as distractions to his work. It’s really all he lives for, his one prime function as set forth by the Overmind. However, while a lot of his experiments are done for the Swarm, he’s fundamentally useless without someone to oversee and guide his work. When the Overmind died, Abathur wandered feral through the tunnels of Char, until he was given purpose again through Kerrigan’s hivemind connection.

As far as Abathur is concerned, you’re not a Zerg unless someone is controlling you, you’re just another animal otherwise. This suggests that the Zerg as a species requires a leader, a controller, to be whole and functional. Even if it is ultimately to fulfill Kerrigan’s revenge, that’s purpose enough. A Zerg without purpose is just an animal and not a sapient cognitive being. To backslide along the evolutionary path is unacceptable to Abathur. So he follows Sarah, not because he has no choice, but because she offers purpose ultimately. If Sarah were to die and someone else gave him sufficient purpose, he would follow them instead.

For Abathur, the Swarm and the Evolution of it is everything, but it only works if someone else is making the decisions and calling the shots on how to direct his focus and work. That’s what gives it purpose. Which is his primary mechanic and position within the game. Abathur is the one who directs the Evolution Missions, various little side quests that unlock throughout the game that enable you to unlock more abilities for your Zerg units in battle. However, you can only pick one of two options each mission, for balancing purposes within the campaign mostly, but in-universe its because the strains will cancel each other out otherwise. As a result, you probably spend the more time with Abathur over the course of the game than anyone else and get to know the Zerg most through him.

Abathur’s obsession with evolution and his position within the Swarm gives a greater insight into how the Zerg function as a species. Essentially, besides his belief that the hivemind gives them purpose, he functionally doesn’t understand anything beyond evolutionary terms and the constant struggle for survival.

To him, the cruelty and brutal lifestyle of the Zerg is natural and simply a net positive. So long as the Swarm evolves, it endures and improves repeatedly. He doesn’t believe in perfection, because that would require stagnation. Perfection in his mind is unobtainable, always out of reach. It is a goal to strive towards, but never truly attain. There is no end state to the Zerg in this sense. No final form, no pinnacle apex adaptation, simply a constant push to survive whatever the universe might throw at you. He thus treats every experiment as vital to that continued plan of survival.

As for the other races in their way, simply bio-matter and he finds them loathsomely inefficient, Terrans especially. He even remarks on how Sarah has been “infected” with more Terran bio-matter upon her return. It’s not so much racism, as he sees human functionality woefully inadequate towards his standards of survival. Conflict with the other factions is seemingly inevitable in his mind as well, in order to keep chasing the efficiency and unobtainable perfection. While he’ll never reach it, stagnation is unaffordable, making the Swarm stronger requires it to be tested constantly. To him, the Zerg as a society is one long ongoing experiment. It’s nothing personal when the Zerg attack and assimilate a Terran colony, it’s just science.

In these terms, Abathur probably presents the first real substantial motivation for the Zerg. To evolve and seek conflict in order to do so. Their choice of conflict, however, depends on who is in charge and is entirely dependent on their whims. As long as Kerrigan holds sway over them all through her hivemind connection, they will obey. Abathur will follow her so long as she maintains the conflict neccessary for his experiments to continue. Purpose is dervied for the Zerg by a single master who controls them. Their motivations are tied to them. If Kerrigan wants revenge on Mengsk, Abathur will help her do so. For without Kerrigan he has no purpose, no drive, no means to carry on what he is.

Clearly Abathur and Sarah have different priorities. In Sarah’s case, she does terrible things because she believes she has to in order to get to her end goal. The ends justify the means. Abathur doesn’t really care about the ends, there is no end. The means aren’t important either. All that matters is evolving and improving. Morality isn’t important to Abathur, let alone the Zerg at large, it barely figures into their thought process. It might with Sarah, but not them. And without her, they have no will or drive of their own beyond basic instinct. This is important to remember for later.

For now, the thing to take away from this is that as monsters, the Zerg’s understanding of themselves runs purely on basic innate understanding of controlling their own evolution to best survive, thrive and continue to do so. If it requires other species to be consumed to achieve that, then they will. This is just how nature is. The Zerg in this sense are nature and so long as the Zerg survive, it matters little who doesn’t. Again, just like Kerrigan’s need for revenge, the basic motivations of the Zerg as innately self-serving it seems.

Speaking of Self-Serving, that brings us to the next member of Kerrigan’s crew, Zagara. A Swarm Queen that has decided she can lead the Swarm better than Kerrigan and has taken over her old roost on Char. She’s now fighting a desperate and losing battle against General Warfield who the player helped conquer Char to begin with in “Wings of Liberty.”

After a direct confrontation that sees Kerrigan out hatch Baneling eggs and nearly literally roll over her forces with them, Zagara submits. There’s no sense in dying here, Zagara seemingly knows she can’t beat Kerrigan at this point and promises to serve her as a loyal lieutenant. Kerrigan accepts, but she decides that Zagara needs to be more than just the average Swarm Queen. She needs to evolve, to understand, to be taught.

Zagara probably has the most personality of any of Kerrigan’s followers. Not depth of character, she’s hardly any better than Abathur there, but she certainly has a better grasp on emotions than he does. Abathur doesn’t really get angry, there’s a moment where he seems jealous over another faction of Zerg for how they “stole” his evolutionary designs, but it passes fairly soon. Zagara has more emotional range, even if it fluctuates between various shades of scheming, derisive commentary and bloodlusting battlerage.

Zagara also actually has the closest thing to an arc character wise, but only because Kerrigan imposes it on her as she needs what is clearly going to be one of her chief battlefield lieutenants to actually think. She determines she can’t treat them like pawns, not entirely. They need to be independent enough to be able to do things without her direct involvement.

When she first comes aboard the Leviathan, Zagara does not seem to understand much in terms of overall strategy. She functions on very basic Zerg instinct, if slightly more advanced. Build up a lot of soldiers, make your numbers big enough to absorb any hits, rush the enemy and overwhelm them through sheer numerical advantage. Quantity over quality, essentially she’s stuck using Zerg Rush as her only real trick. Emphasized in how she’s tried to defeat Warfield by constantly attacking him head-on over and over, and failing every time. But insistent that THIS time it will work.

That won’t do for Kerrigan. Zagara, as she claims, needs vision. Besides sending her to Abathur to increase her intelligence capacity, enabling her to better strategize and understand various tactical concepts, Kerrigan speaks to Zagara one on one, to try and see how she’s improving. Not that she doesn’t just understand the concepts, but can learn from them. In this sense, Kerrigan tries to lead by example, more than just show of force or strength of will. She is directly trying to pass on knowledge to Zagara to make her better.

Strangely enough, despite fitting the motif of a Starscream character in near everyway, Zagara is grateful for this opportunity. She irks at going under the knife so often, but she sees the benefits. She then reasons at one point that she’s strong enough to actually challenge Kerrigan. However, she declines, she does intend to lead the Swarm, but not until she has learned everything from Kerrigan that is worth learning. Specifically, vision and what it means.

In Kerrigan’s terms, as she explains to Zagara, vision means seeing beyond the most obvious. Looking at a different angle, taking in the whole picture and beyond it. She does this with Warfield, by thinking around his various strategies, rather than just trying to outmuscle him through numbers or power alone. Zagara watches as Kerrigan takes apart her enemies, piece by piece, instead of going directly for the killing blow. And the Swarm Queen sees the value in this form of patience easily, as Sarah accomplishes what she failed to do.

Throughout the game, Zagara and Kerrigan’s conversations continue much in this way. Zagara will put forth a very blunt direct attitude as to how the Zerg deal with things. She presumes superiority and power are inherent to their species, that nothing can crush them. While Kerrigan continues to warn her of how confidence can lead to arrogance and that learning from your enemies is as important as defeating them. I think of them as master and student in this regard, Kerrigan teaching Zagara how to be like the Queen of Blades, but free of the same traps. Zagara is taught to see beyond the limited view of the Swarm’s biological instinct and think for herself instead. Not so much in a selfish way, but in a grander idea than pure survival.

As she grows more intelligent though, Zagara gains a sense of curiosity, a desire to understand. She continues to ask questions to Kerrigan, about the various races they encounter, the places they visit and why things are the way they are. Zagara doesn’t understand all of it and everything is filtered through her Zerg mindset, but her desire to know is self-evident. More than just lusting for the blood of her enemies, although that never really goes away, Zagara does start to form a sense of empathy this way, more than Abathur ever could.

For example, she comes to view the Terrans with pity more than just enemies or fuel to evolve the swarm. They have no hivemind, no direction, no purpose given to them. They’re lost in her mind, confused and bereft of function. That they’re all so alone in the end, without the comfort of other likeminded individuals within the Swarm. She wishes to help them in the end… by killing them and assimilating them into the Swarm. Yes, it’s very alien morality logic, but she is a monster. Her values are inherently different from ours, the fact she can form any sense of empathy is a remarkable change for her.

Zagara’s loyalty to Kerrigan develops into true admiration in time, but she can never fully understand her queen though. While Kerrigan is Zerg, she’s still very much human with human concerns. Some of the things Sarah does Zagara cannot truly grasp because they are so alien to her. When Kerrigan briefly teams up with some old Terran friends, which we will talk about later, Zagara thinks it has to be because she’s tricking them. This is a long term goal, a plan of some sort, like the Queen of Blades of old. It’s not though and Kerrigan remarks that Zagara will not understand why she is doing this. No matter how hard she tries.

But Zagara wants to understand, she wants to know. She doesn’t want to become more human, but she does want to understand them and comprehend vision. If only as a means of surviving and thriving at first, but eventually to become truly worthy of being the leader of the Swarm. In this sense, Zagara comes the closest to truly transcending from pure monster to actual monster hero within the confines of ”Heart of the Swarm’s” story.

She is still beholden to Kerrigan’s whims, her morality is fairly warped and alien, she works on survival instinct and filters everything through those instincts, but she wants more. She is not nearly so self-serving in the end as she could be and her efforts start to lead her to a more aspirational desire. It’s not anything truely heroic or idealistic yet, but Zagara wants to grow and move beyond what the Zerg are as vicious bloodthirsty monsters. She’ll never be human, she doesn’t want to be, but her sincere curiosity and growing sense of empathy is far closer to a heroic template than any of the other Lieutenants in the swarm we’ve discussed thus far.

This brings us to Dehaka, a different kind of Zerg with a different personal creed. For the most part, a lot of the Zerg we’ve talked about have determined their worth in becoming more powerful in one way or another. Abathur believes in power through evolution, Zagara revolves around power through strength and later the mind, Kerrigan sees power as a means to an end more than anything. Dehaka doesn’t care about power. He only cares about change.

As discussed, Abathur looks at Evolution’s power as striving towards an ideal. While he can never reach perfection, he’ll keep moving towards it all the same. He finds purpose in trying to obtain a goal, targeting evolution and making it work to his specific calibrations. Dehaka prefers to not focus too much on the power acquired, he just prefers to change. He prefers to alter himself as a means of survival, but never as a means of gaining power. Collecting “Essence” as he says is how he improves himself and stays alive. But he never seeks direct power or control, as he views it as a trap.

This attitude comes from his origins, Dehaka is not a normal Zerg, he’s a Primal Zerg. Born on Zerus, the planet where the Zerg truly originated, Dehaka had a very different upbringing. The Primal Zerg have no hivemind, they run on pack mentality. The strongest rules and weaker bend the knee and serve. Dehaka has a pack because he is strong, but he’s unlike other Primal Pack leaders who are self-assured in their status to the point of arrogance. A Primal Pack Leader generally beats their chest, tries to kill other pack leaders who are strong themselves, seize their territory and become more powerful. They either die in the attempt or succeed.

Dehaka does not do that, he sees the accumulation of power as simply a means of getting a target on your back. He’s nowhere near the same level as other pack leaders on Zerus, he doesn’t care. He’d rather NOT become someone else’s dinner. He prefers to flow. He’ll collect essence, he’ll evolve, he’ll change, he’ll grow stronger, but he will not challenge. He will join with those he feels are strongest and lend himself to their efforts. This is how he survives, through pragmatic evolution, not via a directive towards more power as Abathur feels.

As a result, conflict is to be avoided in Dehaka’s mind. A lust for power for it’s own sake only makes you easier to destroy in the end because someone will just see it as something they want to take from you. He doesn’t even try to obtain the psionic connection most normal Zerg have, preferring to rely on his own inherent evolved abilities rather than truly join the Swarm in every aspect. Something Kerrigan allows because she herself sees the inherent advantage of using a Zerg that doesn’t have something most Zerg have that has been used against them.

The Hivemind is a great strength for the Zerg, enabling them to move and act as one unit with the same directive and goal. Dehaka not having one should be seen as a weakness, but as we find later in the game it is a trump card that Kerrigan has in her arsenal. It’s something that forces a change within the Zerg, to accept something outside their direct control, an independent ally and operator. One that will act in their interest but not be a slave to it.

Dehaka himself follows Kerrigan, not out of instinct or a desire for purpose or even because he submits to her. He follows her because where she goes new essence can be found. Dehaka describes his “loyalty” to Kerrigan fairly simply. He is not a rock or a wind, he will not stand against nor fight against Kerrigan. He will flow with her, like a river. Despite being a primitive dinosaur, in both looks and mindset, Dehaka is actually fairly intelligent in this respect. Not a slave to Zerg instincts but upholding them all the same.

He’s the one lieutenant that can disagree with Kerrigan because she holds no psionic power over his mind. He is the leader of a separate pack, not a tied to Kerrigan’s mission in anyway. He is here for his own purposes but will assist Kerrigan in a mutual partnership. Sarah recognizes and accepts this, although she constantly wonders if Dehaka will abandon her for someone stronger. Dehaka admits he would, but he doesn’t think anyone is stronger than her. He’s certainly not impressed with Terran technology, believing evolution will enable him a way around such things. For him, change is constant and neccessary. To stand still is to die. Dehaka is therefore always moving, going where the essence takes him, but never becoming obsessed with the power it grants.

In this sense, Dehaka is more of a true force of nature than even the Zerg are. He is not beholden to any illusions of power that his abilities give him. The essence grants him power, but he knows that it can also make him a target should he abuse it. He prefer the balancing act rather than forcing the change and sees no real goal beyond survival. Adapting to the change, moving with it, rather than making it what you desire, is preferable. And without a psi-connection, he remains free of Kerrigan’s true hold unlike the rest of her subordinates.

Does this make Dehaka more heroic because of his free-will? Does his willingness to help Kerrigan of his own volition make him more selfless? Yes and no. Dehaka has free will and will do what he feels is neccessary to survive. He will assist others in their plans to forward his own aims. In this sense he has more aspirational values and is not beholden entirely to self-interest. If he was, he’d be no better than the power drunk pack leaders he avoids becoming.

However, he’s still very much a monster. He’s not arrogant and he lacks any true malice, he’s even fairly intelligent. But his goals are ultimately self-serving even when he’s serving others. While he has an interesting take on Zerg philosophy, he is still very much driven by primal instinct. Being, well, a primal zerg this probably should not be surprising. He is essentially a big killer dinosaur after all, you probably shouldn’t expect any greater level of nuance beyond his pack mentality and desire to improve himself through the collection of essence. He is the Zerg in their natural state, but he’s still very much Zerg.

Perhaps then we need someone more like Kerrigan, who actually has a semi-understanding of heroic values built in. It takes a while to find him, but we do come across one lieutenant that shares more in common with Kerrigan than anyone else. An old friend, or in Kerrigan’s case, an old enemy.

Alexei Stukov, once a commander within the UED Expeditionary Force, betrayed by an infested Terran operative who called himself Duran. The truth of Duran is a discussion for later, but for now, Stukov’s death was not all it appeared to be. He was resurrected and turned into an infested Terran, now more Zerg than human. Kerrigan even notes the similarities in their backstory. And while Stukov is himself calling on Sarah’s aid now to get revenge on the people who did this to him, his reasoning is not entirely self-serving as he knows the greater stakes at hand. While he has lost his humanity, he is not completely bereft of what once made him human. And that is probably his best asset in regards to his status as a potential heroic monster.

When Stukov was human, his position within the UED was one of tempered professionalism and reasonable authority. He might have been antagonistic towards a lot of the characters we loved in the Korpulu sector, but he seemed to talk the most sense. When that one mission forced us to kill him, everyone already knew it felt like a mistake. But we had no real choice but to go along with it. Seeing him again is a bit of obvious fan service, but it’s a chance for him to be on the right side for once, and in this case he very much is.

Stukov hates what has been done to him, but he still intends to use his new power against those who tortured and turned him into the monster he is now. He reaches out to Kerrigan to help him achieve these ends, knowing he can’t do it on his own. Like Sarah he has recognized the need to form allies out of those who are probably less than savory and embrace what he ultimately is by aligning with the Zerg outright. However, he doesn’t try to take control of the Swarm, nor does he seem to have an delusions of grandeur concerning this partnership.

Stukov is still clearly out for revenge, but he also recognizes the greater evil at play within the facility he is asking Kerrigan’s help with destroying. For it is producing a threat that endangers more than just him or even the Zerg. Taking it down is about avenging the wrongs done to him, but it’s also about making sure it cannot continue further. In this sense Stukov is not running on total animal instinct. He is thinking in terms of the greater whole beyond his own personal gain. And this is true especially concerning his interactions with Kerrigan.

Iszha, Dehaka, Zagara and Abathur can’t really offer proper council to their queen. They can present other perspectives, even ask prying questions, but Kerrigan doesn’t really allow them to question her. Stukov may not question Sarah’s motives much either, probably because he doesn’t really have much of a greater moral high ground, but he does routinely warn her of potential risks with her plans. As a result, his conversations are a lot less one-sided in this regard. They’re almost equals, or they at least respect one another enough that Kerrigan will defer to his advice as often as Stukov will give it.

Despite his mutation into a Zerg, Stukov has retained his humanity better than Kerrigan ever did. He’s of course not much better concerning his methods, as he primarily turns humans into Infested Terrans to bolster his forces. However, he mostly chooses who he infects and for the most part its people who are themselves doing worse things. This doesn’t really make him a hero, but Stukov is under no delusions about what and who he is, unlike the old Queen of Blades was. You can tell he regrets a lot of the decisions he made that led to this path, he even mourns the death of his friend Gerard DuGalle. Despite the fact Kerrigan killed him, he doesn’t seem to hold any ill-will towards her. In general, Stukov seems to have accepted that he is a monster now and is mainly concerned in trying to make the most of it.

The question ultimately is, how much of Stukov’s motivation is purely out of a desire for revenge or truly altruistic? It’s hard to say, even Stukov doesn’t seem to know. However his apparent concern for Kerrigan’s life and state of mind goes a bit beyond self-interest and it certainly has nothing to do with her control of the swarm. While Stukov needs Kerrigan to get his revenge, his lack of animosity towards her suggests he’s not really being forced to make this choice. Yes, he doesn’t have many options, but he never tries to assert his dominance and doesn’t really try to make any deal towards his advantage alone. Unlike the other Lieutenants, Stukov has no truly selfish ambition beyond getting back at the people who wronged him. He also understands that there is more going on here than what immediately benefits himself.

The final piece to understanding Stukov in “Heart of the Swarm” is how his mission chain ends. With things concluded more or less, his revenge achieved and the place that mutated him in ruins, Stukov makes the assumption that he has now outlived his usefulness. Knowing Kerrigan is used to cleaning up loose ends at this point, he fully expects her to turn on him. It’s clear he suspected this would happen from the moment he reached out to her and he still asked for her help. His lack of self-preservation is uncharacteristic of the Zerg, who are about survival above all else. He knows that the threat he’s facing is too great and that his life matters little in the grand scheme of stopping it. Maybe he’s that desperate for revenge, but it honestly seems like he’s accepted this outcome if it means ending a dangerous foe who threatens all life.

Sarah, however, has changed greatly over her journey at this point. She is nothing like the old Queen of Blades now and accepts Stukov into her swarm with open arms. Although she will let him leave if he so desires. With no real other prospects and no greater purpose, Stukov chooses to stay, not as a minion or exactly a friend, but clearly the closest thing Kerrigan has to an equal aboard her Leviathan. And as Kerrigan’s designs shift away from her personal vendetta and towards a more all encompassing threat to the races of the galaxy at large, she offers Stukov a part in thos designs. Noting that the odds are likely against them and they will probably die, Kerrigan states it’s better to fight for something than lay down and die. Which Stukov readily agrees with.

Taking all of this into account, Stukov is the closest to a heroic monster among Kerrigan’s lieutenants. While his morals may not be an absolute, he does have values beyond pure instinct or survival and is willing to lay down his life for them. He is willing to forgive former enemies, with little advantage to himself. He is, for all intents and purposes, the most human of Sarah’s companions. Perhaps the closest to actually being a friend of hers among the swarm, at least at this point. And it is ultimately through him that Kerrigan finally finds a greater purpose beyond her selfish desire for revenge that could potentially make her a hero as well. He is not perfect, his methods are still monstrous and it’s hard to judge how truly noble he is in the pursuit of his goals, but he fits the hero category better than most of the other lieutenants, if only by default.

However, this brings up the issue of how heroic a monster can truly be. Stukov is the exception among the lieutenants because, like Sarah, he used to be human, and none of the other Zerg Leaders ever were. Does this mean a monster can only be a hero if they have some already existing human values? Does that undercut their monstrous nature if their sense of morality is more in line with humanity’s and not something more alien? Because those questions are ultimately a part of the wider issue here. The more human a monster is, the more in line with our sense of right and wrong they are. It’s the difference between survival instinct and intentional altruism. How much of what the Zerg do is because they wish to act on it or because either their instinct or someone else, like Sarah, is controlling them?

“Heart of the Swarm” is fairly invested in asking this question over and over again, seeking an answer. Is Kerrigan more monster than human? Is her position and function as the leader of the Zerg enable her to be anything other than a force of destruction? Can she be seen a redeemed, heroic figureor is she doomed to forever be the monster as a result of her nature? Given what she does over the course of the campaign, that question is very hard to answer definitively. Which is why we need to discuss what Kerrigan does as she returns to her old title and ask if she has truly changed.

New Reasons to be Afraid

As stated before, once players have cleared the initial prologue stages, the game opens up and allows you to pick which missions you go on. But you’re locked on a single mission set once you pick it. This choice is perhaps done to retain narrative flow, it also makes more sense for the Zerg. Why would they leave a planet if they have not yet secured it? However, both worlds you can travel to initially inevitably force you to confront the problems of trying to make Kerrigan a hero. Namely, she’s killing people who do not really deserve it. And that is emphasized with the two primary antagonist characters for the initial missions, General Warfield and Lassara.

Most players seem to go to Kaldir first, as it allows them to unlock the Hydralisk early. However, it honestly makes more sense that Kerrigan would go to Char first, as the news about the impending extermination of all Zerg there, as well as its familiarity and importance to the Swarm, would draw Kerrigan towards it. This also seems to be the canon of the actual story, for whatever that is worth. So we’re starting with Warfield first in our discussion.

Warfield is technically not presented entirely sympathetically during these missions. He’s still loyal to the Dominion and ultimately Mengsk. He’s very open in his intentions and desire to essentially wipe out the Zerg entirely on Char and he is fairly open in his disdain for Kerrigan. He’s more of a traditional opponent, so technically we shouldn’t be too concerned with killing him.

Or we would be, if we did not know him. After all, we fought alongside Warfield in “Wings of Liberty” and while he wasn’t exactly a friend, we earned his respect and admiration. His personality was also endearing, as while he was working for the Dominion, he showed true courage, resilence and cared about his men. He didn’t fight from the safety of a ship in orbit, nor did he place himself above his lesser ranked soldiers. He fought with them and for them. He had come out of retirement in fact to help fight back the Swarm when the Queen of Blades returned. He even forced the medics to cut off his damaged arm and replace it with a cybernetic prosthetic, just so he could return to active duty and fight beside his men again. He might work for a bad government, but he’s clearly not like Mengsk. And because of his actions, Raynor was able to save to Sarah in the first. In a way, Kerrigan owes her life, her freedom from the toxic personality of the Queen of Blades, to Warfield.

And now she’s come to kill him. Regardless of any of his other traits, Warfield is still a Dominion General, he’s still loyal to Mengsk and Kerrigan doesn’t really care beyond that. He’s in the way of her revenge, he intends to destroy her Swarm. That means he’s a threat and the animalistic nature of the Zerg means that there can be no negotiation or diplomacy here. Kill or be killed, that’s all that matters.

All the same, for people who played “Wings of Liberty” their actions in “Heart of the Swarm” effectively undo a lot of the work from the previous campaign. You saved these Dominion Soldiers before, they helped you. Now you’re killing them all. This was easy to stomach when the point of the Zerg was them being evil, not so easy when you’re supposed to be the good guy in this campaign. If not the good guy than at least sympathetic.

If Kerrigan has any thoughts on Warfield and his soldiers that isn’t directly seeing them as a threat to her Swarm and an obstacle to her revenge, she does not share them. Partially because her minions do not care about those nuances ultimately, mostly because she has to play the role it seems. The Zerg will not respect her or follow her if she shows weakness or empathy. So she hides whatever thoughts she might have that may betray those compassionate human aspects.

For most of the missions on Char, Kerrigan systematically dismantles the Dominion operation. Taking out Warfield’s many containment and offensive capabilities. Warfield rants and raves about the inevitable destruction of the Swarm. Kerrigan simply shrugs the threats off, mingling better tactics with the Swarm’s numerical advantage to achieve victory. Before long, Warfield is lying wounded, a steel beam through his chest, as surviving Dominion soldiers try to flee to shuttles off world.

Even now, all Warfield cares about is getting them out. So when Sarah arrives, he tries to plead with her to let them go, citing that they’re no threat to her. Kerrigan doesn’t seem to respond, enraging Warfield as it seems she’s going to let her Zerg kill his men. Warfield at this point calls her a traitor, to both humanity and the memory of Jim Raynor. The use of his name is enough for Sarah to just outright finish Warfield off. But after the rage passes… Kerrigan calls of the Swarm and lets the Dominion survivors go. She decides to show compassion, more than the old Queen of Blades ever did. She doesn’t gloat over Warfield, she doesn’t cackle, she doesn’t even seem proud of her victory here.

Mostly Kerrigan just seems rather resigned to the reality that she’s just Zerg now, that she’s a monster. It seems she only let the Dominion soldiers go, perhaps, as a way to prove to herself she is still a little human. Revenge, however, still matters more. But she won’t kill everyone off out of cruelty, she can stop herself, she can decide when enough is enough. She might be a monster, but she does not have to be a villain as well. It’s a moment that shows Kerrigan isn’t the same as she was when she was previously infested.

But while Warfield might be easier to justify as an enemy, especially given that he still works for the Dominion, and Kerrigan’s bit of mercy softens the blow somewhat, this isn’t the case for Lassara. A Protoss scientist, not even a warrior, that Kerrigan essentially dooms to a terrible fate alongside all of her people on Kaldir. More so than even Warfield, what happens to Lassara is far less easy to justify, which even Kerrigan admits. As a result, it is a lot less easy to still see Sarah’s actions as heroic while taking the entirety of Kaldir into account.

When Kerrigan arrives on Kaldir, it to try to get another Swarm Queen that controls a great deal of Zerg to submit to her. However, she’s already dead and the Protoss are on Kaldir in force. As soon as they see Kerrigan though, they are very quick to decide its time to pack up and leave. They’re not trying to fight Kerrigan for most of the campaign on the planet, they’re just trying to get away.

Kerrigan knows that this is just so they can warn the Golden Armada, the main bulk of the Protoss military force. If they learn of her return at this stage of things, the Zerg Swarm broken and Kerrigan herself still not strong enough, the Protoss will destroy her. With revenge on her mind, Sarah can’t afford to fight another war against the Protoss to defeat her real enemy, Mengsk. So she makes the call that the Protoss on Kaldir must be exterminated to the last before they can warn of the Golden Armada.

This where Lassara comes in, she’s captured at the end of the first mission on Kaldir and forcibly held on the Leviathan where she reveals that these Protoss are not primarily warriors. They are simply colonists, searching for a place to live. Something Kerrigan forced upon them on when she helped the Overmind essentially conquer their homeworld of Aiur. She tells Kerrigan very bluntly that her people are colonists, scientists, civilians… and she’s killing them. Sarah doesn’t sound very sorry where she offers her rather weak response to this charge. That the Protoss have slaughtered countless Zerg themselves. This is just about survival, nothing personal.

Except, the Zerg are largely mindless without a leader, as even the various Zerg among Sarah’s circle of advisors have admitted. Overall, many Zerg are but feral animals, who will attack and kill whatever catches their attention. Killing them is not really the same as killing free-thinking sapient beings, especially when the Zerg have been traditionally the aggressor in every conflict. This isn’t a war between typical competing ideologies or cultures. The Zerg go to a planet and murder everything in sight and all the Protoss do is trying to contain and stop them when they do. Sarah’s accusation of the Protoss’ kill count to her own is not comparable in the slightest. It’s essentially a poor attempt at whataboutism by both-siding the issue. When you’re one of the chief reasons the Protoss are in the bad place they are, that takes away any semblance of moral high ground.

Kerrigan acts like she has no choice, even as Lassara tells her she could just leave. Flee Kaldir long before the Golden Armada even arrives. Perhaps even letting them leave would convince the Protoss that she is not interested in fighting them or has changed. She could try talking to the Protoss Colonists, telling them she is not a threat and simply desires revenge against someone else entirely unrelated to them. She does none of this, doesn’t even think of diplomacy, not even a token attempt at dialogue. She sees a threat, the Protoss, and attacks, like a scared animal. Except she can actually reason, she is capable of doing so, but falls back on basic pure survival instincts.

This is a by product of the game losing features. Lassara was supposed to be another advisor, a conscience among the many other Zerg who all obediently defer to her power. Lassara in this could be the only member of the Leviathan who could actually challenge Kerrigan’s actions. Perhaps even make her take different paths during certain missions. However, this was taken out, along with a lot of other ideas for the game, to streamline it. Otherwise, it would not have come out on time.

Sometimes you do need to do this with any creative endeavor as not all ideas pan out the way want. But losing Lassara as a legitimate advisor, and not a hostage, completely ruins the best chance for Kerrigan to be truly challenged directly on her Leviathan. To really have someone to discern the line between Zerg and human, between the monster and the hero. Without Lassara acting as the angel on Sarah’s shoulder there is no voice that criticizes her more extreme actions.

It’s a loss to the story and as a result makes it harder to understand Sarah’s ultimate motivations, making her seem more cruel and heartless than the game wants her to appear. If Kerrigan was supposed to be a straight up villain, this wouldn’t matter, just like the last game. But remember, Heart of the Swarm is depicting Kerrigan as a hero still, even if she is flawed. We’re meant to want her to succeed, but on Kaldir she’s behaving more like the old Queen of Blades than at any other point in the story.

On Char she let the Dominion soldiers go, the Protoss Colonists don’t get that luxury. The fate of Lassara is worse. Kerrigan infects her with a parasite, allows one of the only Protoss ships that escaped to detect her. They beam her back onto their ship… and moments later Lassara dies as the parasite Kerrigan infected her with bursts out of her. It then proceeds to grow into a Swarm Queen that massacres the last of the Protoss survivors of Kaldir.

Sarah remarks how she thinks Lassara was very brave and admirable. But its very moot, she still killed her in a way that was incredibly unecessary. It is remarkable cruel and aids in the completion of a massacre that Sarah did not seemingly need to commit. At this point, her excuses ring hollow and it is incredibly hard to justify any of these actions.

In one way, it sort of makes more sense for Kerrigan to start on Kaldir in this way. By allowing her to make up for this senseless act of mass murder by actually allowing the Dominion soldiers a chance to survive. It denotes a degree of character growth and change. But even still, that hardly makes up for the fact she still does this horribly cruel thing to a group of people who have done nothing to her to deserve this. Mengsk is the enemy we want to see Sarah get revenge on, not a bunch of Protoss who have probably suffered enough because of her.

Is there honestly anyway Sarah at this point can be redeemed now? The excuse before was her mind was corrupted by the Zerg. That’s gone now, every action she takes is of her own mind, will and personal decision making. She doesn’t get to use the evil personality card to get out of this one. It would seem at this point, the idea that a monster could still be a hero is completely off the table.

Is there still hope for Sarah Kerrigan to be redeemed? Maybe, but it requires change.

Evolve. Transform. Transcend.

Before long, Kerrigan will be visited by Zeratul. While he is no ally, he is not her enemy, a distinction he sorta forces on her when he reveals that he has found the birthplace of the Zerg. The planet Zerus, located far outside the Korpulu sector, is their true homeworld, although they are now unrecognizable to the Zerg that remain there. These are the Primals we discussed before and its clear moment one of landing they are happy to see their spaceward bug brethren return. They respond in an animalistic fashion, treating Kerrigan’s Zerg like a threat to their territory and packs.

The reaction is not unprecedented, as we find out when we accomplish our first mission on the planet and awaken an Ancient Primal known as Zurvan. The creature is intelligent and informs Kerrigan that what she knows as Zerg were taken from Zerus a long time ago by a being known as Amon. He altered the Zerg, changed them into what they are and corrupted them with something of his own design, the Hivemind. No Primal has this, they remain individuals. They are all still as hungry for power and evolution as any Zerg, however. And through this, Zurvan has something he can give Kerrigan.

Leading her to the first spawning pool, Kerrigan is able to undergo and tremendous change, reverting back to her classic Queen of Blades form, but different. She’s more powerful now and, more importantly, no longer corrupted by Amon’s designs. While Sarah was never controlled by him, she did feel his influence and dark presence guiding her actions. Amon was dead before she was turned, allowing her a degree of freedom when the Overmind died no doubt. Now however she is completely free of Amon’s taint, as her transformation within the Primal Spawning Pool has essentially purified her Zerg strain. Everything she lost as a result of Raynor expunging the Zerg Persona has been regained, but now has more in common with the Primal Zerg. The Hivemind remains of course, but now it is her own it seems, along with all her new powers.

Of course, in testing these powers by defeating the other ancient pack leaders and taking their essence for herself, Zurvan turns on her. Declaring that one of them must consume the other and become something greater, the way of all Zerg. Kerrigan of course wins, her power doubling even more as a result and a contingent of Primals under Dehakka now follow her.

Zerus is more than just a means of Kerrigan unlocking more powers on her personal skill tree though, or permanently altering her sprite and rendering for the rest of the game. It also shows a different faction and side to the Zerg. That in a way, they are victims. The Zerg were never meant to harm anyone but perhaps each other. For most of their existence on Zerus, all they did was kill and consume each other, evolving constantly as they did. Then Amon arrived and in a clear bit of colonization, forcibly assimilated the species in his grand design. He corrupted them and turned them into a menace that would go on to harm the wider galaxy. Perpetuating a chain of abusive forced assimilation that tracks all the way to Sarah Kerrigan herself.

We might be quick to suggest Sarah is doing the same as Amon to a degree now. She has come to this planet and enforced her will on it. However, one could also make the claim this is the Zerg finally getting in touch with their true nature, what they used to be and were. Sarah does not forcibly pluck and change the Primal Zerg, if anything she plays by their rules as soon as she lands. They’re brutal rules, dependent on survival of the fittest but they are THEIR rules. The Primals might not be the most complex faction of Zerg out there, but their culture is wholly separate from the Zerg and their drive to conquer. Primals have a desire to evolve more than anything, conquering is secondary and not as big a drive for them. They desire change first and foremost.

While Sarah is willing to go along with this, purely for her revenge, it is apparent the message she keeps learning as she participates in Zerus’ trials. She has a choice, evolve or die, to remain stagnant is death. This doesn’t only hold true for her body but also her mentality. A strict focus on her revenge and nothing else will simply make her like the old Queen of Blades, which she herself is forced to acknowledge was weaker as a result of this. That version of her did not really think for herself, as she was being influenced by a corruption tainting her mind. Now if she wishes to truly change, she must stop thinking in terms of revenge only.

However, this evolution facilitates, essentially, undoing Raynor’s work. This isn’t new in Starcraft. Many campaigns can seemingly undo the progress of your prior work. Resulting in the previous set of missions to feel hollow and pointless. Like you didn’t accomplish anything. Seeing Sarah freed of her Zerg bits suddenly deciding to regrow them hits a bit hard. You sacrificed a lot in “Wings of Liberty” to save her and now she’s gone right on back to the Zerg. Sure, she’s not corrupted anymore, she’s more powerful and obviously they were always going to bring back her classic Zergified look because it’s goddamn iconic and we can’t lose that, but it still hurts.

At the very least, Sarah has changed in some aspect. She has learned what the Zerg used to be and in a sense can be again if they embrace a more individualistic culture. The Hivemind will remain, but Kerrigan holds sway now and is free from all the corrupting influence of the entity that colonized them. They won’t ever stop being the swarm, its too engrained in them now, but they are less compelled by the whims of a terrible, powerful god that desires them only as a weapon. Now, like Sarah, they can potentially choose their own path. But Mengsk still must die first before anything beyond that can be accomplished.

At least now, Sarah has a sense of the bigger picture, the greater role the Zerg must play in things. It is not complete though, she only knows that the Zerg were not always what they are now. That there is a path forward for them and that the Swarm itself must evolve if it is to survive. That means it cannot be slave to conquest or obsession. It must change or die, like the primals believe so fervently. The question, what to change into? An answer is soon provided.

Born of the Void

Mengsk at this point contacts Kerrigan, revealing what we all likely suspected. Raynor is alive, being used as a final contingency plan against Sarah’s revenge. If she tries to move on Korhal, he’ll kill him. While the swarm is returning to her and she is growing stronger herself, Sarah cannot hope to invade Korhal just yet knowing that Jim will die as a result. The old Queen of Blades wouldn’t have cared, but Sarah no longer possesses her cold unfeeling malice. It’s a weakness Mengsk thinks he can exploit. That and the fact Sarah has altered herself back to her infested form which Arcturus knows Jim would hate to see as much as Sarah suspects he would.

Simultaneously relieved to know Jim is alive, but also paralyzed by the fact he is beyond her reach, Kerrigan has to rethink her strategy for Korhal. Freeing Jim is one thing, but compromising its strength also takes precedent. This is where Stukov comes in, revealing the location of a secret Dominion Lab that is breeding Hybrid Zerg/Protoss creatures. Mengsk controlling Hybrid can’t be allowed to stand, so its best to destroy these.

However, over the course of systematically wiping out the lab, Sarah learns there is far more to this fight than just her desire for revenge. By the time she is through with the station and its leader, Dr. Narud, she learns the horrible truth… Amon is alive and it is possible her reversion to human assisted in giving him new life. Amon presents a catastrophic threat to the Zerg and galaxy at large. She can’t let him go unchallenged.

The existence of Amon gives Kerrigan a goal beyond her own petty grievances, even if its about personal survival more lives are at stake beyond just the Zerg. The knowledge that, unless she uses her power against him, Amon will likely retake the Swarm and use it to its original, terrible purpose is unacceptable. She’s seen what the Zerg used to be, what they could be, she’s been purified of the corruption that clouded her mind and has seen the change taking hold of the Zerg as a result of her lessons.

After she is incapacitated following her defeat of Narud, Zagara has the opportunity to take the Swarm, but doesn’t. She heals her instead, insisting she has more to learn. If Zagara can understand the value of knowledge before personal gain, the rest of the Zerg have a chance as well. This isn’t to say the Zerg are suddenly heroic, their primary goal reminds survival, but their capacity to change is self-evident and has taken precedence over the conquest side of their nature. Maybe not completely, but enough that is can foster loyalty in a species that prides itself on its brutality.

Later on, Kerrigan also acknowledges that fighting Amon may be fruitless, even suicidal. That’s there’s simply no way the Zerg, even with Sarah as powerful as she is now, can probably stop him. Her reason for choosing to do so anyway is because the only other alternative is to lay down and die. She has abandoned any semblance of survival over all at this point or even revenge. Amon is a threat to more than just her and seeing the bigger picture at last has finally gotten through to her. However, Mengsk still must die, not just for what he’s done but because he is a part of Amon’s plan. He cannot be allowed to live.

However, to take out Mengsk, Jim Raynor must be freed and that means a reunion that Kerrigan is not looking forward to. She contacts the Hyperion to help her find Raynor and after a bit of a misadventure she accomplishes this task, tracking Jim to a prison ship that is constantly on the move save for when it needs supplies. This is when Sarah moves and begin taking the ship apart from the inside out. It’s here where Mengsk shows his truly evil side, as he decides to destory the ship, along with his many loyal soldiers, calling them heroes as he sacrifices their lives for himself. Very Zerg-like behavior from a so-called protector of humanity.

Kerrigan of course stops the self-destruct and finds Jim. He is not happy to see her in her current form. He recalls Fenix and the many lives of others she’s ended, how he sacrificed everything to bring her back, and now she’s essentially spat in his face. For what it is worth, Sarah doesn’t really offer much in the way of excuses, only that she accepts that he is beyond angry with her. She even gives him a gun and lets him point it at her head. If he wants to kill the Queen of Blades like he promised so long ago, he should do it now.

Jim does not though, he merely fires off into the wall and walks away. Kerrigan has saved the man she loved, but at the same time lost him. Jim simply can’t accept that there was any good reason to throw away her humanity again and this time be completely willing to do so. It just doesn’t fly with him, there’s always another way. For Sarah, there never was. He was always the one who thought things could be better, that they could try to find a different solution. Kerrigan generally accepted that they couldn’t always choose the good option. It was why she went along with the plan that would see an entire planet consumed and herself captured by the Zerg.

As a result, Jim leaves Sarah, unwilling to speak to her further, while Kerrigan looks out at the cold vacuum of space, accepting that she has quite possibly lost the man she loved forever. Revenge has it prices and this was the biggest one of them all. Perhaps in a small way, it would’ve been better for Jim to be dead. At least for Sarah anyway. That would mean she’d never have think about how he’d feel about her choices. Now, she can’t pretend for even a second that he’d feel differently. He just flat out told her his thoughts, he feels betrayed. And Kerrigan honestly can’t blame him for feeling like that. Because she kinda did.

If these is one aspect of Sarah Kerrigan that can be granted to her as a heroic sentiment, it’s her willingness to accept a loss, a failure and the rejection of her choices by others. Many villains would rant or find excuses or blame it on someone else or something else. Sarah accepts that all her choices did this, that she’s the one to blame and she’s the one who has to live with herself for the rest of her life knowing she broke the heart of the only man she ever loved. A reality that very well could mean he will never be able to be with her ever again.

But at least he’s alive’s and that is better than when he was dead. So she’ll swallow her pride, accept her failure, be grateful the hard part is over, and move on to finishing what she started. The end of Arcturus Mengsk.

Trapped like a Rat in a Cage

So the final campaign commences as the Zerg Swarm blots out the skies of Korhal. Kerrigan is ready to finish what she started and get her revenge. However, her human allies have made only one request. Kerrigan tells them of her forthcoming assault in the hopes that Valerian will be able to prevent further chaos in the aftermath. To do that, he wants her to land her forces outside the city instead of on top of it.

This will lead to fewer civilian causalities, but it will make fighting into the city that much harder. Kerrigan accepts though, possibly noting how Valerian isn’t seeking to use the chaos to his advantage like his father once did. He’s instead asking for restraint from Kerrigan, who has no reason to give it to him, so he can help save lives and give innocents time to evacuate. She accepts this, amazingly. Sarah is showing the ability to empathize and reason, to not place all those on Korhal as part of her revenge.

All the same, the planet is still well defended and lives will be lost no matter what Kerrigan does to restrain herself. Mengsk doesn’t care even a remote bit, as he calls on every able bodied citizen to return to Korhal to defend it. Or more accurately, himself, as he knows Sarah is really only after him. He has no choice, it’s either fight Kerrigan to the death here or surrender. Mengsk is many things, but he does not cower in the face of his end. Mostly because he has plenty of other people to die for him, but generally because he refuses to admit he can be defeated.

Kerrigan’s tactics for the assault are much different, as despite numbers being on her side, she seeks to preserve her units and swarms’ numbers for as long as possible. She could just use brute force tactics, but that means getting thousands of zerg and innocent people killed. So she opts for more surgical landfall. Where she sends massive bio-launchers to the surface and uses them to take out the planet’s orbital defenses so the rest of the swarm can get through. In the process, she opens the way for her other lieutenants to storm into and secure the landing zone.

Kerrigan’s opening mission is to protect the lives of her forces, even as she sacrifices many to get planetside. There is a limit to how many Bio-Launchers she can send down, implying that she can’t expend more resources than necessary. The whole of the swarm is hers, but she’s opted for a strategy that is about preserving lives. She could just send everyone right in the capital from on high and obliterate it, but this enables far more Zerg to survive what would be a needless slaughter while also not catching innocents in the crossfire.

Meanwhile Mengsk’s true colors continue to shine through. He drops experimental nuclear warheads on his own troops to stop rampaging Ultralisks in an evolution mission and continues to push his experiments on Zerg in the middle of the siege. Despite knowing how dangerous this is given what happened to his last batch of guinea pigs. Mengsk clearly doesn’t care for the lives under his command, which he really should since he doesn’t have infinite numbers like Kerrigan does.

It’s a sharp contrast between the usual set up in these sorts of stories. The monsters besieging the humans are more directed in their targets. They swarm but do not sacrifice needlessly. Kerrigan cares about the lives of her forces more than the Terrans seem to, or at least their leader. The Zerg rage a less catastrophic war that emphasizes calculation and tactics. While Mengsk throws lives away in a last stand that is more about preserving himself than anyone else. There’s no illusion of glory here, Mengsk isn’t doing to save the Dominion, he’s doing it for himself alone.

But despite this, the game doesn’t exactly let Kerrigan off easily, not even here. Regardless of her discretion, she still is ultimately leading this war out of a desire for revenge. Raynor is alive, sure, but Mengsk is still the reason she became what she is and that is still the clear reason behind this assault. As Mengsk will point out himself as he confronts Kerrigan through a message. He calls her out for her motivations, how many thousands are dead now because of her vengeance quest. Kerrigan doesn’t have much of an answer for his claims, simply pointing out that he made this all possible. Mengsk is adamant, that for all the terrible things he’s done, he did them to protect humanity from monsters like her.

I guess he’s ignoring that he’s part of the reason monsters like Kerrigan exist.

To be honest though, he still has a point and Kerrigan is not denying anything he’s saying about what is motivating her and what she is. Sarah’s goals aren’t much more noble than Mengsk, but he has the excuse that he’s earnestly deluded himself into the role of savior. Kerrigan doesn’t have such luxury it seems, she’s accepted she’s the monster and is done apologizing or rationalizing it. She is holding back her nature, yes, but it doesn’t really absolve her of the wrong she has done to get here, nor the deaths she’s causing even now. Mengsk might have brought this on himself, but Sarah is still the instrument leading this march on his palace.

Perhaps that is the point though, the acceptance on Kerrigan’s part that she is, in all respects, the monster of this story. She’s not the hero, she’s not the good guy, she’s not the shining knight here to slay the mad king. She’s just the angry wronged creature of the land that just so happens to be pointed towards the right target for once. And woe to those in her way. Does that make her better or worse? Mengsk is still making excuses for himself, even if he truly believes them, they are still excuses for terrible crimes. Kerrigan has no such delusions, no such absolution on her part. She knows what she’s here for, she knows she won’t be called a hero after this, and she’s fine with that.

Does knowing you’re the monster of the story make you more heroic if you are still doing monstrous things? Even if it is against someone who is probably just as bad if not worse than you? Where’s the line? Who gets to write the final line of the story and determine which roles belong to who? While Heart of the Swarm seems to ask this question at this point, the debate is quickly done away with, as Mengsk activates his secret weapon, a psi-disruptor that intends to break the swarm’s hivemind and turn it against them, killing any Zerg caught in its range.

But Kerrigan planned for this. The Zerg is no longer so singular in its makeup, the swarm no longer so stringent along genetic lines. Dehaka is the much needed diversity the Zerg have lacked. The Primal Zerg have no such psi-connection, and thus are immune from the disruptor. Through a series of lighting commando raids and full frontal assaults on the orbital platform where the disruptor resides, Kerrigan and Dehaka bring ruin to Mengsk’s final defense against the invasion.

In this instant, Kerrigan embraces the outsiders of her swarm, the ones that aren’t truly a part of it, to assist her in this critical hour. The old Kerrigan would’ve used Dehaka and tossed him aside when he was no longer needed, but Dehaka remains loyal and so does Sarah to her Primal lieutenant. Kerrigan has done what so few monsters can do, embrace something it cannot truly control to help it. The Primal Zerg only follow Kerrigan because of her strength and power, they are not connected to her in any other way. Pawns that cannot be controlled should be a liability to the Queen of Blades. But not so here.

And this won’t be the last time Kerrigan accepts outside assistance, as her final push to Mengsk begins.

You Turned us ALL into Monsters

As Kerrigan prepares for her final assault on Mengsk, her lieutenants all have their own takes on thing. Izsha is only considerate of what matters to the Swarm, Dehaka is content with collecting essence, Zagara has fully embraced Kerrigan’s vision, Stukov is prepared to continue the fight against Amon after Mengsk is dead and Abathur has decreed that Kerrigan’s achievements are the greatest among the Swarm. When Sarah points out, acknowledging once more, that all of this is about her revenge, Abathur’s reply is succinct and consistent with his philosophy. The Swarm’s purpose changes with its leader, as long as it is fulfilling that purpose, that is what matters.

Kerrigan herself gives the greatest thought to what happens after this, even if she dies. She’s shattered Mengsk’s power structure. He won’t recover from this, even if he breaks the Swarm and her. What the Terrans do after his death or the death of this new Queen of Blades will best determine their future. And while that might not matter to the Swarm itself, Sarah clearly gives more thought to it. And, as Abathur has pointed out, if it matters to Kerrigan, it matters to the Swarm at large. As pointed out when the time for the battle comes and Valerian once more requests Kerrigan avoid civilian sectors. Doing so would put her assault at risk, as Mengsk would clearly see her pattern and exploit it. But she accepts the conditions, even though Valerian has no power to enforce them.

This is significant in terms that Kerrigan is fully anticipating she very well might die here and doing so would doom the Swarm later in its fight against Amon. Making this last battle all the harder is not conducive to either her revenge or her set path against the real villain of this story. But it is the right thing to do, the heroic thing to do and she decides to head down that path. Kerrigan has accepted she is a monster by this point, but she can choose what kind of monster she wants to be.

Mengsk’s last stand at the steps of his palace throws everything at the player. Every special weapon variant, every veteran unit, everything in the Terran Arsenal that Mengsk has left. And as powerful as Kerrigan is, the defenses arrayed against her are intimidating. But not long into the battle, someone else enters the fray. Jim Raynor, flying in with the Hyperion to destroy and take over a Dominion to Kerrigan’s flank. He’s come to help finish this with Sarah.

It was hinted at that Jim had seen that, despite her change, despite what she had done in the name of revenge, Sarah was not the same Queen of Blades he swore to kill so long ago. That Kerrigan is dead and while his Sarah is not truly back, perhaps she never could be, a part of her remains. Jim has also sworn to take Arcturus Mengsk down, and on the eve of the tyrant’s end, he won’t miss out on taking part in ending his regime. Raynor’s Raiders formed to take down the oppression of Mengsk and his government, it makes sense they would be here now even if their allies in this assault are Zerg.

Many players might question how quickly Jim comes around on this, but it’s very clear he was conflicted about helping Kerrigan until she made it clear she was not going to be indiscriminate in her ire. This is just about Mengsk, and while that’s not perfect, for Raynor it has always been about Arcturus in the end. He’s the one who caused Kerrigan’s death and rebirth into the Swarm. He’s as much to blame as anyone for what happened. I wouldn’t expect Raynor to sit out on taking down Arcturus at last. That would be far more out of character.

It also of course introduces a wrinkle into the final fight. While it’s nice to have Raynor here, Kerrigan can’t let anything happen to him. So she also needs to protect his base while pushing her assault. It drains some of Mengsk’s resources clearly to have to divert to attack Raynor, but it also distracts Kerrigan. So it makes the mission just a bit harder as a result. However, this again speaks to the duality of Kerrigan’s nature itself. She is risking her life and her revenge to save Raynor and his fellow Raiders. It’s mostly out of a selfish desire, but it is against her monstrous instincts ultimately as her need to protect Jim is clearly an emotional one rather than an instinctual one.

Jim isn’t the only one helping out of course, the whole Swarm is here. Simply destroying the defenses to the Imperial Sector will enable Kerrigan’s lieutenants to send their forces in and back up her assaults on the many Dominion bases that line the streets up to the palace proper. It shows the sense of unity and camaraderie built up among this new Swarm. Still tied to Kerrigan’s will, but still independent enough that their choice to be here is largely their own. As Abathur has pointed out, Kerrigan gives the Swarm purpose and they are ultimately willing to follow to the bitter end, achieving victory for her and themselves.

Strangely enough, because of Kerrigan’s actions and Raynor’s presence here, the Swarm itself has ultimately changed in its goals. Even if they won’t acknowledge it, the Zerg are essentially liberators for once. They are ending the reign of a mad tyrant, freeing his subjects from his oppression, all with the backing of a proper freedom fighting force in the form of the Raiders. With each street cleared of Dominion Forces, Korhal grows closer to abolishing the true monster in all of this. While Mengsk continues to rant, rave, demand Raynor’s head, and insist that he is the savior of humanity as his empire crumbles around him.

Combining her assaults between Raynor’s and her own forces that she helps break through into the city, Kerrigan can easily annihilate much of what’s left of the Dominion in her path. Occasionally taking moments out of the assault to defend Jim’s own forces and the Hyperion itself. Before long, the path of the palace is clear and only the final elite forces of Korhal stand in her way.

It’s interesting to note, that because of his actions here and Kerrigan protecting him, Jim has become an unofficial part of her Swarm. Wholly independent of course, but no less aligned with its interests. Raynor’s Raiders can be see pusing up with the Zerg, united in the same cause of taking Mengsk down. As times goes on and Jim builds up his units, we’ll see the full might of the Raiders alongside that of the Zerg. Kerrigan remains the focal point of the battle, but Raynor is clearly as important to this assault in the form of his support. Finally, at last, they are together in purpose… if only for now.

As you approach the final gate to the palace, decimating its defenses, Mengsk sends everything he had at Kerrigan in the form of drop pods to the surface. But between the mass of Zerg and Raynor’s own freedom fighters pushing up from behind, they are not much of a match for the Swarm. Once the gates fall, Kerrigan strides into the Palace itself, taking the fight to Mengsk directly as the Swarm holds outside. She cuts through what’s left of his bodyguard and then finally corners him in his office.

This is where Mengsk plays his final trump card, the Xelnaga Relic he had taken from Char and reassembled here. Knowing Kerrigan herself would come for him and that this artifact was his best bet at defeating her. It completely debilitates Kerrigan, forcing her to the ground in pain upon its activation. After coming so far, it almost seems like Sarah will die here at Mengsk’s hands.

If not for Raynor coming in to punch out Arcturus and take his hand off the activation button, of course. Because Raynor IS the hero of this story, that much isn't in doubt.

With the Xelnaga Artifact neutralized for now, Kerrigan is allowed to attack Mengsk with her full fury and she does not hold back. At last, with nothing left to use against her, Arcturus admits the truth, that HE turned Kerrigan into this monster. But Sarah disagrees, stating “You turned us ALL into Monsters,” before finally killing him.

It’s an acknowledgement of a terrible truth. That all the terrible things Arcturus had done had forced everyone involved here, Raynor included, to do terrible things, compromise valuable principles, just to take him down. Kerrigan has accepted what she is at this point, Mengsk dies refusing to believe he’s a monster himself.

But despite being a monster, acknowledging she is one, Kerrigan’s bloodlust is sated. She is not consumed by her hatred and finally ends her campaign against the Dominion. The Swarm will leave Korhal now, in its entirety. No occupation, no more spreading the creep, no consumption and mass slaughter of Terrans. Sarah’s goals are ended here and she will not continue butchering people when it is no longer necessary.

However, this ultimately means one final sacrifice, Jim. Kerrigan had said there can be no her and Raynor while Mengsk lived. But the truth is, they can’t be together even then. The Zerg need a leader to keep them in check and to fight Amon. More importantly, even if her actions ended a tyrant, she is still the monster that Terrans fear, and rightfully so. None of this has undone that. So she says goodbye to the only man she’s ever loved, leaving Raynor to pick up the pieces of the revolution he started and she helped complete. Where she goes now, Jim cannot follow, yet again.

Sarah gives up a life with the man she loves in this moment, understanding she is needed elsewhere and that it wouldn’t help anyone if she stuck around on Korhal. So she does the selfless thing in this moment, perhaps the most selfless she’s done in the entire game. Something no monster would be capable of. Letting go of something she so desperately wants, even more than revenge.

The question is though… is that enough to redeem her?

I Am The Swarm

At the end of the campaign, Sarah has renounced everything, her humanity, her identity, even the man she loves. All in the name of fighting a greater evil, for a purpose even higher than her own revenge. She no longer considers herself truly human. But she is no longer the villain either. She is still a monster, but is she a heroic one? It’s hard to say and I don’t even think Sarah herself would try to claim she is a hero. Not even at the end of the Starcraft II storyline where she admits that nothing will really make her hands clean. Her atonement is ultimately Amon’s destruction, to make all the lives she ruined count for something in the end.

As a narrative, the idea of turning Sarah Kerrigan from the Queen Bitch of the Universe into its savior is rocky. Even when the story acknowledges its pitfalls, it never does much to correct to them. Kerrigan still does horrible things in her pursuit of revenge and does little in her attempt to absolve or justify her actions. Perhaps that isn’t the point though as in the end, Kerrigan doesn’t seek absolution or a justification for her actions. She merely accepts her role as the monsters, but chooses how to act it out.

There were likely ways to better fix the issues that arise as a result of the story choices made in Heart of the Swarm. Giving Kerrigan other options besides killing the Protoss for example, or enabling players to make choices at certain points in the campaign to steer her arc in their direction. Another option, more missions in certain sections of the story that would show a more heroic side to Kerrigan or at least the Zerg. Perhaps even just better arcs for her lieutenants would be enough, letting her call her out on her bullshit or for her to better defend her decisions.

However, any of those choices could’ve easily made the Zerg less than what they were and what fans expect of them. The more you change a monster into a hero, the less they are what people love about monsters. An obstacle, a force of nature, a nightmare to conquer, confront or acknowledge, any number of allegories or metaphors is lost the moment a monster becomes more of a hero.

A clear example of this Godzilla, who started out as allegory for Japan’s darkest fears and national trauma, but just as quickly turned into a kid friendly superhero defender of Japan. Many have derided this change, many others have tried to defend it, but quite a few of them miss the point of that change. Godzilla was not entirely popular outside his singular appearence as a metaphor for the atomic bomb. In order to survive, he had to change. And he changed excessively over the years, from villain, to hero, back to villain, to anti-hero, then villain and hero at the same time. Godzilla survived into the modern day and cultural relevance by never remaining stagnant. He represents whatever the filmmaker in the moments wants him to. From atomic destruction, to Kaiju Superhero Wrestler. Then from Rage Incarnate, to angry but protective father. From a satirical stand-in for Ecological Disaster to a Defender of the Natural World before back to being a metaphor for the trauma of war. Godzilla has survived by evolving, just like the Zerg.

I monsters are meant to represent our fears, and our fears change over time, so must they. The Zerg are the ultimate expression of this. They evolve to fit the needs of whoever is in charge of them. To remain stagnant is extinction. So they change, they become what is needed to survive. As does Kerrigan ultimately. She starts as a loyal friend and love interest to a hero, before being corrupted into the weapon of a malevolent creature by betrayal. She then becomes the greatest monster in history, before her humanity is returned to her by said hero. But then, she takes up the mantle of the monster once more, but this time of her own accord for her own goals and not the corrupted mission of another. At the end of it she is neither fully monster nor fully hero, but somewhere between.

The challenge of writing any monster it seems is finding that balance, between how they evolve with each subsequent return to them. Kerrigan is never absolved of her actions, but she is never full condemned by them either. A monster can be both a source of fear and a form of liberation. Kerrigan proves this. The question is ultimately how you walk the line between hero and monster. If we can learn from what Heart of the Swarm attempted to accomplish here, perhaps all our monsters can evolve themselves.

And they need too. Not just because monsters exist to tell us how to defeat evil, but also how to empathize with what creates them, what fashions them, what drives them. A monster can be many things. A source of one’s nightmares as well as an expression of one’s inner self. The truth of Kerrigan’s final words to Mengsk can be felt in this. In someways, we are all monsters. How we write ours into being on the page is an expression of how we deal with the monster in life.

It’s something I’ve struggled with myself. How do I look at the darker aspects or myself, the things I’m not happy with. How do I reconcile this with who I want to be? Am I doomed? Am I able to overcome my limitations? Am I a good person in the end? There isn’t an easy answer and I suppose that’s why I like “Heart of the Swarm”, because it admits self-actualization is not easy. That sometimes there’s no way to fully absolve one self. And that the best you can do is own up to your failings and try to choose the best path open to you.

If you take nothing else away from this essay, let it be this. Kerrigan recognized the monster inside and ultimately embraced it, but in the end, she was not consumed by its power. She owned what she was. Accepting the monster made her a better person. Maybe not a hero, not fully, but ultimately it was the change she needed. We all have a choice in the end, how selfless and selfish we wish to be. It’s up to you to walk the line between both your way. And perhaps understanding what the monster wants, like Kerrigan, can help you find your path through it.

#Video Games #Monsters #StarCraft II #Heart of the Swarm #Sarah Kerrigan #Queen of Blades #Zerg #Jim Raynor #Essay #Sorry there's just a ton of text in some spots #but Tumblr is stupid about picture limits.

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