#Using voice messages and such on discord so that I can still chat is something I didn't expect anyone to do

[iamamythologicalcreature]

2024 Round-Up and Review

2024, aka The Year I Discovered I Love Drawing Baz With Long Hair.

But also.

Honestly?

(Yeah, I'm going to be honest. Yeah, it's going to be a long post. Buuuut it's my blog, so here we go!)

This past year was rough. Really rough. In many ways as difficult as 2020, and in some ways, even harder than that. I lost my specialized medical care after 2023, and my health tanked in 2024. Medication changes, chronic illness/pain, and the hardest thing of all was... this idea I seemed to have that if I could just fake it enough, I could make it. Like I could deny my disability into non-existence. Pretend it away.

Instead, I ended up pushing myself past the breaking point, with the worst possible timing ever.

And THEN (when I desperately needed to stop and rest), I packed up my life and moved across a continent. (I hadn't moved since college. So I thought I'd move and it'd be done. That was wrong. Ahem. I'm still moving in...)

But the GOOD that happened last year came in the form of friendship. That's not just a line. My friends were my lifeline. To those friends who stuck it out with me even when things were far from easy, thank you. You are the most incredible people I know, and your friendship has given me reasons and opportunities to feel joy and hope where I might not otherwise have done.

Okay. So. The ROUND-UP is... *drum roll*... Under the cut!

At first I was a bit bummed to see I'd only finished 9 pieces of art during the entire year. But since I am being honest... I know I did my best, and so clearly the best I could do last year was nine pieces of art. So many of those pieces were attached to amazing projects, though! I got to do several collaborations with some truly amazing human beings, and I also got to run my very first fest for the fandom! So I'm calling it good.

Now, finally, the art links:

(I won't be including works in progress on this list, as I still hope to finish them at some point XD)

January: Oh my God, January. I didn't finish anything in January, but I worked on a lot.

February:

Tis better to give than to receive - This was my contribution to Erotic Grope Fest, and it was my first time doing anything NSFW. It's pretty tame, all things considered, but I think it still fit the mission. Also ended up posting a high-res version of this on AO3. Because. I mean. Come on. XD

March:

Three lost boys (found) - I started out as a beta reader for @mooncello's inspired take on Neverland, but by the time I received chapter 2 I was very nearly begging to be able to illustrate it. I'd had this particular image in my mind after reading the matching scene in chapter one, but had tried to suppress the inspiration. Silly me. I'm so glad I gave in. This is a favorite of mine.

April:

Keeping Neverland - (Technically posted on Tumblr in May, but on AO3 in April, so...) Illustrating @mooncello's writing again, and this one was a challenge! But one I wholeheartedly embraced. I wanted to echo Baz's journey as an artist with my illustrations, so where I used pencil sketching for the chapter one illustration, I went for a finished charcoal drawing, here. Digital charcoal, it turns out, can be just as difficult as the real deal. Slightly less messy, though. (I'm very proud of this finished piece.) Also where I continued my exploration of Baz's long hair. XD

May:

A rough sketch for a rough night - It feels a little off to be posting this sketch in my art round-up, considering the emotional inspiration, but truth be told I ended up liking this sketch quite a lot. I also learned a couple things, from both the events of that night (not my finest moment) and the drawing of the sketch (hey putting my feelings into art is a good idea). So I think ultimately this little sketch deserves to be included on this list.

June:

Teenage Dream - I posted this on Tumblr in June, for my birthday, but I actually did the art at the beginning of the year for the Valentine's Day exchange on the Carry On server. I rarely finish anything to this degree, and am immensely proud of it. That said, I ended up using it for so many things last year, I'd be okay to not look at it again for awhile. (I called it "Teenage Dream" because it made me think of a daydream Baz might have had as a teenager - now made real with Simon by his side. Cause I'm a sucker for their romance >.> )

Illustration from The Eternal Life of Baz Pitch - So I'm not sure how I got lucky enough to earn a special preview of @monbons's story, but I knew I couldn't read it in pieces. So she let me read the whole thing. It was very cool. I read it all at once I think? And when I was done I crashed Monica's DMs to yell at her about it. But then I drew this picture. (While I was chatting with her, even, and casually asking her about cherry blossoms so I could draw them the way she imagined them. It was very fun.) Now we're friends. XD (Check out the fic - now posted in entirety!)

July: Uh. Migraines. Just migraines. I had to pull back from the fandom a lot, and stopped participating in a lot of online activities. Boo.

August: Sketched concepts for CORB, and packed.

September: I moved over 4000 miles.

October: Everything I worked on in October ended up debuting in...

November:

Carry On Through the Ages! Okay, as stressed and sick as I was, I have no regrets about taking on COTTA. It was AMAZING. So much wonderful content! It was SO GOOD to contribute to the fandom, and to do that with history geeking? Dream come true. I also dipped into my previous area of expertise (picture manipulation) and did some cursed paintings to promote it. Mona Baz, Stormchaser Gothic, Mademoiselle Wellbelove, and Iconic Icon Simon.

A Prophesied Rivalry - Another dream come true was collaborating with @monbons for COTTA! I loved talking ideas with her, and she was so supportive when I hit road blocks, too. I love Ancient Egyptian art, and this was as much a love letter to that ancient art style as it was to my beloved Snowbaz. (I did a ridiculous amount of research to do this piece.) (And now I have Egyptian Baz and Simon in my new apartment. Extreme Bonus.)

Snow on Ice Illustration - Getting paired with @leithillustration for CORB was like winning the creative collaboration lottery. Not only did they grasp my concept from the get-go, but they've taken it in a creative and exciting direction. Also, we've become good friends, which is the very best possible outcome for a collaboration. (You should check out their story if you haven't already!)

(Snow-kitty also got very sick at the end of November, which halted a lot of my progress on some WIPs. It was scary for a bit, but I am so happy to say he has fully recovered.)

December:

Snowflake Exchange presents More Than a Footnote - I kind of love that I started the year illustrating one of @mooncello's stories, and ended it with an illustration from another! I was so excited to pull Heath's name from the proverbial hat for the exchange. I'd wanted to draw something from More Than a Footnote since the first time Heath told me about it. I completely love Dev and Niall at this point, so I hope to play with them some more in the future! (BTW Heath I think you're one of my muses hope that's okay XD)

SO. Yeah, the year was often a hard one, but a lot of good happened in spite of all the bad. The good was even more valuable for daring to happen in the midst of so much blah. (And boy howdy, did I get a lot of material to learn from.)

In 2025, I think I'm going to focus more on accepting my limits. Like, I can still work on improving my health and functionality, but I really need to try and determine when I need to stop. That has its own learning curve, but I have to start somewhere! I'm also working on vision therapy, which I'm doing on my own since I can't afford the out-of-pocket expense. Still... So far, so good. Fingers crossed!

Creatively, I think 2025 will be the year where I get to work on projects I started in 2023 and 2024, and I find that quite exciting because those are ideas I genuinely loved. I also hope to bring some other ideas I've had for a very long time to life. (Finally.) I hope, hope, hope! And hey, if I get to do more collabs? That would be awesome, too. (Carry On Through the Ages will be returning, as well!)

Thank you to these lovely people for tagging me in on this round-up, and for remembering me despite my frequent absence!

@emeryhall, @rimeswithpurple, @prettygoododds, @artsyunderstudy, @noblecorgi, @alexalexinii, @best--dress, @j-nipper-95, @roomwithanopenfire, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @imagineacoolusername, @mooncello, @whatevertheweather, @thewholelemon, @youarenevertooold, @monbons

And to everyone who is still tagging me on wipsday posts, other things, commented, any of that! Thank you. It means a lot to me. Hello's and How-Do's and general well-wishes to:

@drowninginships, @aristocratic-otter, @that-disabled-princess, @leithillustration, @bookish-bogwitch, @theimpossibledemon, @fiend-for-culture, @bazzybelle, @ic3-que3n, @blackberrysummerblog, @run-for-chamo-miles, @shrekgogurt, @confused-bi-queer, @hushed-chorus, @cutestkilla, @skeedelvee, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @wellbelesbian, @facewithoutheart, @ileadacharmedlife,, @raenestee, @supercutedinosaurs, @fatalfangirl, @palimpsessed, @martsonmars, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @theearlgreymage

And anyone else who actually read my extremely long post. XD

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[dervampireprince]

Same anon as in the chatbot ask!

I appreciate and admire your stance on AI; I’m working on a research project highlighting the harmful impacts of CAI and was really hoping you weren’t in support of the platform.

I’m frankly disturbed by how many creators I found bots scraped from with a quick scroll. I’m so sorry it happened to you, and equally sorry to have to bring it to your attention. I hope this is more of a one-off than a recurring issue.

Have a lovely evening, keep being cool :]

/gen /p

honestly it makes me feel almost violated.

i remember seeing a reddit thread where someone was like 'i joined a vtubers patreon and got in vc and said i use cai and they all told me i shouldn't use it' and all the comments were like 'theyre so toxic' 'they just dont understand' and guys... yes they probably did understand. if someone is making fun of you for being lonely or 'cringe' by using cai yeah they're being an asshole, but you are in the wrong for using cai. how do you think it generates writing and voices? by stealing the writing and voices from people.

i've seen cai users say the voice feature does 'feel' wrong as it's taking from real people, but none of them seem to know or want to acknowledge that the writing also steals from real people. generative writing like cai, chatbots, chatgpt, etc, have to get trained on something. and that something is real writing by non-consenting authors, ficwriters, journalists, anyone who writes anything online even someone's personal blog or tweets. even if you're making a chatbot for your own oc, and not someone else's character, the chats it generates your oc is taken from stolen writing.

as far as i can see there is no way to get my characters removed from cai. you can report voices being used without consent, but not writing.

this is what i found of my characters on cai, and it makes me really upset and uncomfotable.

they also took some of my art of ambrose and arden to use as the thumbnail and didn't credit me as the artist. even if they had credited me, i do not allow reposting of my art. also, no one in their lives has ever described arden as "smiley" (i'm not policing anyone's headcannons or imagination with that one, just pointing out something silly to lighten the mood so i don't have a complete meltdown).

yes i censored out the cai users name who made these chabots. please do not go and hunt them down, please do not go and find them or message them. especially as we don't know if they're a minor.

it seems to me a lot of minors use cai which is worrying as who knows what the chatbot could spit out regardless of safety measures they have in place. and i'm sorry anyone's so lonely they have to turn to cai only.. you don't have too. fanfic exists, rp communities exist, various online communities whether tumblr groups, discord servers, subreddits, are people still using amino? i mean if you're a minor you should be extra careful getting into online communities and talking to others online (and if you're a minor you shouldn't be following this blog) but like... imagination exists. try getting into creative writing?

idk when we did get so bored with imaginations we had to do this. you know what i did as as kid and there was no access to anything like this? i would copy and paste fanfics into microsoft word, find and replace one characters name with my own and boom you got yourself a self insert fic (note: these edited files were only ever kept on my pc, i never posted them anywhere). and there's soooooo many reader insert fics out there now, hell i literally make my own reader/listener inserts of my own characters, i'm not starving you for content out here. and i'm okay with people writing fanfic about my ocs or commissioning others to write you fanfics (my commissions aren't open).

thankfully i don't think my voice has been uploaded on there? i clicked the 'call' button to see what would happen and nothing did so i think that means there's no voice? or perhaps it doesn't work unless you make an account i don't know.

yeah sorry that became a longer rant. i don't know if more of my ocs are on cai, these are just the ones i found by searching my username in there. there could be other copies of my characters on there that don't credit me.

also a lot of character uploads use ai 'art' as their pictures which you know is also terrible and steals from artists.

and you're right, there's so many more characters taken from small creators and other VAs. i searched yuurivoice on there and got 50+ results of chatbots of his ocs AND ALSO OF HIM. please do not making cai's of real people that is so much worse than someone's oc, it's equally as bad on the stealing front but also so paraosocial. you do not know yuurivoice, you cannot get a bot to act like him as you do not know him or how he acts. watching a creators videos or streams does not mean you know anything about the real them, and especially does not mean you know them or are friends with them. found at least 5 for cardlin audios, some of his ocs and some of him. 6 for dark and twisted whispers ocs.

and if a creator gives you permission to make their oc into a chatbot... that doesn't make the chatbot okay. a creator can consent all you like, but the writers who's work was stolen to train that chatbot still didn't get to consent.

in the rare chance any cai user who's made chatbots of my characters on there sees this post: please delete them. please. you didn't get my consent for this. and you didn't get the consent of all the writers your chatbot was trained on. i don't think you're stupid or cringe for using cai, but you are contributing to generating ai content which is stealing from real humans and harming the environment.

[madfantasy]

Dear blogging

Wish you peace, always. Considering all, it been extra rough. My guardians were sick, and my fragile of a stability was about to break— but it okay now, and the pendulum of consciousness returned swaying in my head.

Somehow in the middle of everything, I was starting to feel okay and accept that this is the best it can get for this non verbal Mani. I honestly I stopped living as if there was tomorrow maybe the majority of 2023, zero drive or hopefulness, and lately started to accept that there's no denying that I'm not made to survive this life, and dropped all pretence that I'm able, set a 5 years counter. Because if mere looking at people's faces distress me so much that I blank out &/or go mute, since childhood, no amount of me forcing myself to watch videos/ pictures over and over can fix that. That's simply how I'm made and I know that now, and in a way it's bringing me peace.

Because I thought I'm bratting when I wore my headphones to cancel out noise that were literally going to drive me insane, or when I couldn't respond to messages knowing that I can articulate deeply in writing but ignoring all the endless times when I simply couldn't, and have forced myself to eat many things that set me days in nausea and abdominal pain while I only enjoy liquids more and get high off of fruits, I love them so much half my OCs are named after some.. and drew.. drew even before I spoke because it was my only outlit to express because how much I'm told I'm like a robot, I'm so expressionless and non reactive and disgustingly literal, even when they actively beat me black Nd blue to stop drawing, I couldn't.. where do you free those emotions when U can, i needed emotion displays and heartfelt trimmers, thrilling or killing, I needed to do them as if my life depended on it, and I haven't realised it back then, but my life was dependent on them, even when I had 'no talent ' , as I have always been told.

(commissioned by precious Julia ♥️🖤)

And besides drawing my needs, I actually, physically, started to feel better when I didn't do what my body said it literally can't do, all my life:

-Walked away from my guardians arguments, my chest stabbing pains became less frequent.

Stopped "practicing" my voice &/or facial expressions, I talk for 2 minutes, immediately my whole face muscles hurt, voice is cracking and gone, I don't feel like my eyebrows hurt as much. I'm okay being the monotone no expresso train c:

-stopped eating what I "don't like" (I mean it's not like I have much choice, but stopped feeling guilty over refusing it cuz food be tight) Nd now I can actually drink more water, and my tummy aches are on lower levels now

-i stopped dealing with Discord, or group chats in general cuz I don't expect accommodation over things I can't deal with. Stopped stressing over doing engaging material that no body seems to care about, cuz I'm not a good judge of demand, or stressing over either I should be thanking everyone who spams me with likes or not, (while I appreciate it to the moon) 90% of the time they don't respond Nd Im forced to think like I've done something wrong. I'm now at more ease with posting — (literally I have to fight the urges to delete my socials daily) just with interacting with who addresses me (I lov U guys sm) and I've been more relaxed from it.

I returned to "speaking in riddles" cuz if I don't use the words my brain spews no matter how weird they R, a tire will pop somewhere on the other side of an AU- idk lo'

-i rock, hum and laugh OUT my maniacal laugh, hard and strong, continued loving and talking to my plushies as I used to do, the easiest thing I could do to feel calmer again. As everyone should do

.. I stopped saying the word sorry. It's a naughty Mani era.

Accepting these facts and many, even with having no will to live had me saner than I ever been, at least I hope so.

I just know that I have a few to be grateful of: that I'm still here somehow, even with my dwindling income, Nd my internet not worth costing 120$± I'm always grateful for the sudden one or two commissions that keeps me here and buys me coffee and pumpkins seeds..

I still struggle horrindously with sleep. But I'm grateful at least I'm at pure ease playing games. Games been my go to media for knowing basically all based on books they were made about, like Severus and Tintin, I still play their ps1 games! Tho I got stuck on this game & their sleep has given me so much ease lo

I'm at my happy place rn, heh.

Bonus panel: ye they R hungry for that SHI- lo 🙈

And an honorary appearance of my OC with Tintin hehe

Stay safe, don't feed the overconsumption machine, don't give up on your heartstrings's stringers, don't worry— there are people who think and feel like you always between the crowds, and I'm thankful that I share the same timeline with you♥️🖤

Sweet dreams 🌃 19.2.2024

[hollyand-writes]

Hello! Bit of a longshot here but you're one of the few DA blogs still standing that I can recall from before the Drama Debacle that tore through the fandom. Just wondering if you know of any discord servers that survived and are still active? With Veilguard being out I've fallen back into DA lol. I hope this finds you in better standing than you were at the beginning of the year (I think I remember mention your health wasn't doing too great?), and enjoying Veilguard if you're playing it 😁

Hello and thanks for your message (and sorry I’m so slow replying)! ❤️ Thank you for asking about my health – I had major surgery in the spring and spent a long time recovering from that, and while it hasn’t cleared up the health problem it was meant to resolve, I am definitely doing better 😁

I think most of the Discord servers I’m in aren’t very active anymore (although some I’m in are fandom-event-based and only come alive when the event is running), but one that I think is still reasonably active is the “Beyond The Veil” server – link here: https://discord.gg/Maa2zFs

I am in the server (although I don’t check it as often as I should) and I’m pretty sure they have channels for discussing Veilguard and your Rooks, so I hope this helps! ❤️

And I am absolutely LOVING Veilguard, thank you very much! As with other Dragon Age games, I watched my husband play through and complete it first before doing my own playthrough 😁 LOVED my husband’s Mourn Watch Rook (female Qunari rogue who romanced Taash) but thought I’d do something different on my own playthrough, which is still in progress! I am the default male mage human, and chose to be an Antivan Crow who will romance Lucanis… but I look forward to trying all factions and romances! If only us Xbox console players were able to make more than three saved characters… 😩

I am glad to hear you too are enjoying Dragon Age: The Veilguard, and thanks for reaching out! It was good to hear from you! ❤️

[xdesiress]

IT IS ABOUT TIME!!

I will be listing some byi and dnis here, besides some side informations. I'd highly appreciate you reading it if you're new to this blog!

So to not clog, everything will be under the cut.

Greetings you may refer to me as Desireè, Desires, or Galaxy, a Brazilian artist who's birthday is at the 9th of March :)

/I/ use mainly he/they pronouns. I do not mind what you refer to me as, but I'd appreciate these two most.

My Instagram account is mainly for cosplaying now, and SCPTale is used for an SCP x Undertale crossover project I'm working on with a very close friend of ours.

I also have a TikTok but only post MLP content there as of the moment. I DONT USE ANY OTHER SOCIALS. DO NOT TRUST ANY THAT ISNT LISTED HERE.

I like SCP, zombie media, Dark Deception, Skullgirls, Minecraft, Monster High, My Little Pony and more.

I have a Discord server for friends and moots that is SCP themed, anyone is free to join so long as you message me privately for a link! We tend to play games, watch movies/series or draw together in Voice Chats a lot, sometimes we just talk and info dump to each other.

⚠️ I don't mind my Art being used for PFPs BUT YOU MUST CREDIT ME. ⚠️

If I've known you or followed you for a longer while you are free to ask to just add me there and not join the server itself, I don't mind it either. I'd love more buddies to talk to.

Asks are likely to be always open as well as my PMs unless something dire happens, so feel free to shoot a message anytime! I don't bite!

At that.. feel free to ask these Alagadda goobers ;)

_______

DO NOT :

- Reblog my artwork with hate. (Ex; specific character praising and bashing another one involved. I deeply love all the characters I draw and it really saddens me when I see that happen.)

- Ship my Rubedo with Nigredo.

- Whitewash my characters.

- Tag my work with Br/ght. Refer to the BYI section for insight.

- 049-J hate. Just don't, please.

BYI :

- As someone with new access to psychiatrists and medications, I am still trying to figure out just what exactly affects us. It is important to note that the i take BPD and Depression meds and as well am on a list for possible ADHD and Autism. Mood outbursts and unintentional blindness to how I speak is bound to happen and not intentional. Please, let me know if I accidentally say something hurtful.

- Despite having taught myself English for 2 to 3 years it is still not the best and I don't know a lot. Have patience with my grammar and be polite. I am also learning French and Spanish and on the same page in those regards.

- People who still use Br/ight, I /gen won't block you or anything. You can talk to me and everything. But please do not tag my work with his name! Only THEN will I take any action, especially if it's under artwork I make of any of my friends' versions.

- I would likely prefer that people under 15 don't interact with my blog, unless I already know you and you already follow me for a longer time. Then you're chill! I won't block you or anything, it's moreso for your own good than anything, really.

- Talk to me about my hyperfixations and I'll love you for YEARS.

DO NOT INTERACT :

- If you think I owe you explanations about my personal life. What I want to speak of freely I will, what I don't, I won't.

- Basic DNI criteria.

- You hate on furries 'just because'. I'm not one, but I'm not ignorant to people just having fun.

- If you partake on discourse every second of your life and try to drag me into it. I don't have the emotional stability to deal with that type of stuff.

- If you plan on acting like a jerk and drastically change my character designs into something that erases their traits.

MORE TO BE ADDED SOON.

[backwaterheroics]

𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘈 𝘓𝘖𝘛 𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙!

repost, don't reblog!

NAME : rowen

PRONOUNS : she/her/my liege; we is also common i.e. 'we here at strife industries' etc but it's really just for self-reference

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : carrier pigeon maybe? i'm really bad at all kinds of communication tbqh. we can get some walkietalkies tho & i promise i haven't ever forgotten about u /phil collins voice, u'll be in my heart

chatting on tumblr ims is fine & i do have a discord ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ u can even have my whatsapp if u want, but standard messaging & data rates may apply. talk to ur doctor if rowenix is right for u

NAME OF MUSE(s) : this here is my boy kuraudo sutoraifu-waifu but i've written a few other characters here and there; cloud is the only rp blog i have any semblance of presence on atm tho - he is my forevergirl, my homeslice, my big chalupa. for ffvii specifically, i've also written rp for elena and rufus

BEST EXPERIENCE : you! i've met all my best friends through rp which is probably why i'm still even around in the rps

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : i don't like it when ppl say they do not like the chara i am literally writing at that moment. so like, if you don't like cloud, why are you here..... we don't have any money... we've got nothin for ya.... pls smash that unfollow button and do not hit the notification bell....,other than that tho, i don't really care. it's the internet. i've seen 4chan

MUSE PREFERENCES : paris hilton voice; i'll take five more of these little blonde bitches; fr tho i like charas who have issues with the self/who have a man vs self literary conflict kinda thing going on. i also like side-chars who don't have a lot of lore coz then i don't have to start from scratch like with an oc, but i still have freedom in the preassembled sandbox u kno?? i don't have time for a rowenverse

PLOTS OR MEMES : spontaneous stuff is easier for me; plotted stuff can get too detailed and then i freak myself out about it bc of anxiety about quality & expectations. that aside, i'll do either. if we go plotted i'd rather go 'lightly plotted' as in we talk about an idea and then just run with it, with minor course corrections as we go should the plane not take off as expected

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : i personally tend to match length but sometimes the words just gotta come out and your one to three liner will have a 500 word reply. i have no preference from what i receive to what i give. it just is what it is and i'm grateful ur even taking the time to spend it with me

BEST TIME TO WRITE : when something else more important needs to get done. we love executive dysfunction. like right now, i should be finishing up a work project for tomorrow's meeting and yet....

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : our sense of humor is the same, or at least similar... cloud's social awareness is probably better than mine. neither of us talk a lot. is that good enough????

TAGGED BY: vctlan & then everyone i'm following who is still active has already done this i'm pretty sure... so if you haven't been tagged before and u see this, then i'm tagging u ok -- tell me abt u and be my friend

[lilac-hecox]

Green number 2 looks interesting if you want to do something with that 😊 (it's littlebitofglue here)

(Ty bb! <3)

2. "You're safe here, I promise." - Ianthony

--

TW: Panic attack

--

It has been months since Anthony has had a panic attack, right around the time he reconnected with Ian his anxiety, while ever present, seemed to take a back burner to the increase in work and just how much happier Anthony felt being back around his best friend.

Today he is in the Smosh office sitting quietly on the couch in Ian's office. He has yet to make his own office in the building and really, he isn't worried about it. Something feels better about being with Ian in his office, sharing a space.

In an hour he and Ian are going to film an episode of their joint podcast, going over an old Smosh episode and telling stories about that time in their lives and what it was like filming it. Currently, Ian is wrapping up an episode due for Smosh Games, some complicated board game that Anthony can't really follow along with. While he waits for his best friend, he scrolls on his phone.

Ever curious, Anthony can't help but lurk in the discord channel they had created for their channel members. Typically the chat is fine, humorous, complimentary, but today when Anthony joins in he sees a wealth of messages springing up on the general chat channel. As he clicks on it Anthony is overloaded with a spam of hate messages popping up before his eyes. The messages range from the typical 'Smosh sucks now' to ones targeted directly at he and Ian. 'Anthony is so pretentious'. 'Yeah, I miss the old Anthony'. In-between the hate messages are their fans telling off the subsection of rogue commenters and people alerting the mods about what is happening. A new message pops up 'I hope the boys don't see these :( '

But Anthony has and he sees several more, calling he and Ian every name in the book, slamming them for their sketches, calling them bad, saying their lost their magic. Hateful comments are nothing new and Anthony has learned to ignore them, but for some reason today each one feels like a punch to the gut, a twist to the heart, maybe because it meant someone was willing to pay actual money to complain about how much they hated him.

Either way Anthony's chest starts to feel tight. He sets his phone down and realizes his fingers feel a little numb.

"Shit," he murmurs, but his voice sounds far away to his own ears.

Anthony tries to stand from the couch. He's not sure where he would go, maybe to the bathroom to splash water on his face, but as soon as he stands his knees buckle, his legs trembling and he folds to the ground on the floor of Ian's office.

Then he can't quite breathe and he's got one hand bracing himself on the floor, fingers wide against the concrete while the other finds his heart, covering it over his sweater and feeling the intense racing.

Anthony tries to remember his breathing techniques, the things he always uses to calm himself down, but his mind is going too fast, too panicked to recall anything. He hates being alone during a panic attack. Nothing scares him more than that and the fear only amplifies all his other feelings of panic.

Then, distantly he hears the creek of the door and footsteps.

"Hey, sorry that- Anthony?"

Then, Anthony sees Ian's water bottle hit the ground.

Then Anthony sees Ian kneeling in front of him, he feels cold hands cupping his face, lifting his head from where it was staring at the ground.

"Anthony," Ian says, his clear blue eyes wide and somewhat afraid, his jaw tight with nerves of his own, "hey, can you look at me and try to breathe?"

Anthony gasps, feeling so dizzy, the hand over his heart seeking out Ian's shoulder, his fingers gripping tight in Ian's t-shirt.

"It's okay," Ian says, his voice calm, though to Anthony he still sounds so far away, like he's underwater. "Take a breath with me."

Ian takes a deep breath and Anthony does his best to mimic it. Before, when they were roommates, what feels like so many years ago, there were a couple of times where Anthony had panic attacks at the house and Ian had been there to guide him through it, pull him out of it. Now, he was falling into the role like old practice, like he never stopped.

"You're in my office," Ian says slowly, one hand leaving Anthony's face and skating down his back, rubbing a soft circle, "You're with me."

Anthony can feel his breathing beginning to fall back under his control, his head so heavy, so dizzy.

Ian shifts closer, wrapping his arms around Anthony in a tight hug. It feels warm, it feels like he's holding all of Anthony's pieces together even as Anthony trembles harder than he ever has in his life.

"You're safe here, I promise," Ian says, his chin over Anthony's shoulder and his hand patting Anthony's back.

To anyone else it might look ridiculous, the two of them on Ian's office floor, Ian's smaller body cradling Anthony's larger frame, but to Anthony it is everything. Ian, in many ways, has always been a touchstone, a point of reference, some base in which Anthony can explore away from and yet always find his way back home.

Slowly, slowly, slowly, Anthony can feel his senses returning. In Ian's sturdy arms, he can feel his body going lax.

Ian must feel it too because he rubs the back of Anthony's head, fingers skating over the shaved down sides of Anthony's scalp.

"You're good man, I got you," Ian breathes.

When Anthony has calmed enough and he is kneeling limply in Ian's arms, he starts to feel ridiculous, feels like a dumb kid who got freaked out over a stupid internet troll. He's been in therapy long enough to know you can't really predict what might set you off, and maybe those comments were prodding at some deep pockets of his psyche that housed fears that Anthony didn't want to face.

He pulls back a little, exhales a shaky breath. Ian's hands slide to his sides and hold him firmly as if he's keeping him upright, and in many ways, he is. Now, Ian's eyes are a gentler shade of blue, like the sea after a storm.

"You okay?" Ian asks, his voice a soft whisper, a gentleness and vulnerability that had never been there before.

Anthony nods, "I-I'm okay." his voice is hoarse to his own ears.

Ian doesn't ask what set Anthony off and it isn't like before, it isn't because he doesn't want to know, it's more like he's giving Anthony the space to present it to him if he wants to, an offer more than a request.

Ian pats Anthony's cheek one more time, fondly, before he pulls back and he's sitting on his office floor across from Anthony. He takes his own deep breath and rubs his eye under the frames of his glasses.

"Been a long time since I've done that."

"And you're still good at it," Anthony says, trying out a smile that only feels a little off for the moment.

Ian gives him one back, something small, something like a secret. He stands and he offers his hand out for Anthony to take.

Anthony does, their fingers holding each other tightly as Ian helps get Anthony to his feet.

[lostsouls-house]

I was gonna say something angry but I realized quickly that that wasn’t what I wanted to say. As one of your ex friends I do care, I don’t check on your blog to see how you’re doing because I don’t care. Just because we’re not friends now doesn’t mean I don’t care now or didn’t care then. You’re free to delete this ask/ignore it but I just wanted to say my peace.

This took us weeks to sort our feelings on, so if you are checking Anon- I hope you see this.

First, let us say that we are not talking about anyone we still have as friends on Discord. We are talking almost exclusively about our former friends from the Survivor's Network, mostly mods.

If this is @circulars-reasoning , then you're right. You did care, and we thank you for that. We miss you, and we're sorry you get lumped in with the people you hang out with. We wish things could have been different, but they weren't. Whatever we say, it's not aimed at you. That said, we think it's time we talked about why we left in a more substantial presentation than vague posting. Because if this is a specific *dude*, then you should know how fucked up everything between us was.

Unfortunately, we only ended up modding for the Survivor's Network for a few months. When we joined, it felt like coming home. We had a brilliant mod team, we all had similar views and we worked very well together. We even got a new writing partner out of it. We were on top of the world. Working on the rules, creating a safe space and making things for the anti-endo community just a little more comfortable. Oh, and the voice chats! We had such a great time in those spaces. That's what we miss the most. But the atmosphere changed for us as our new Writing Partner began to enter awkward territory. We are no strangers to flirting and we are not opposed to enacting the rights of our open relationship, but this quickly became uncomfortable and emotionally manipulative. We have long been in silence as they are a huge name on Sysblr and were know no one would believe us over them. We do have receipts but for now we are choosing to keep them to ourselves. If the need is there, they will be released but we'd rather not have to paw through thousands of trumatic messages.

None of this is in any particular order, as our brain is very averse to revisiting the server these things happened in. But we do still have it, it and all the things said in it. We are going to place this list in bullet format and under a cut. You are welcomed to DM us any questions after this, but I doubt we will have straight answers as we're still scared to *actually* name them.

- Made our protective alter feel like a monster.

- Made us feel like we somehow cheated on them if we spoke in the SN before our private server.

- Used a situation I was venting about to try and make me feel bad after they "tried to help" by sending us a car part WITHOUT TELLING US. They used it to make us feel like we had done them wrong when we hadn't even known it was happening.

- Made our partner System feel like they were monsters.

- Tried to convince us that we were either ALL IN the relationship with this person, or all out. As in we either commit or we don't be friends.

- Pressured us to tell them any and every dark thing going on in our mind.

- Pressured us to make sure our protective Alter was never around when they were, shutting down to one word answers when certain alters would appear.

- Generally getting upset when we split new alters.

All of this and more in the space of three months. I cannot go back to the Survivor's Network because this personnas far as I know is still a mod there. They are older than me and manipulative as hell.

So if you *are* still watching my blog please note that your stupid little servers ended me in the hospital and into new psych treayment to deal with the scars you left.

We're are tagging this so it's seen. Ask us whatever, but I will not be giving a name until I can go through mentally and screencap everything. If you're asking yourself "Why now?"- It's because the alter that spit to protect us from this person finally gave us to okay. So here we are, telling the story. Believe me or don't I don't care.

[multiplicity-positivity]

I was wondering if you had advice on how to communicate when we have aphantasia? I know we have an inner world but most of us can't see it or hear anything in our head except for the person directly in front, occassionally we can hear one anotherz but very rarely, and we really struggle to communicate or remember much at all (we do generally have shared memory for certain things but things still slip through the cracks)? I don't know how to communicate when we can't see or hear each other, it makes me feel like obviously I can't be a system if I can't even see or hear them or communicate

Hi! So people with aphantasia can absolutely still be systems. You don’t have to see or hear them inside to know they’re there!

For you, we think that external communication is going to be your best bet for getting in touch with each other. We’ll go ahead and link our post on establishing contact with headmates (which may help!) and we’ll reiterate some ways you can attempt communicating externally with your system. None of these methods have to involve vivid thoughts or internal communication!

1) Written notes

Writing to other headmates in a journal, document, notebook, or note app can be an extremely effective form of communication. You can ask your headmates questions, leave them drawings, notes, or reminders, or just let them know you care about them! You can try to leave your notes or journal in an obvious place, or put sticky notes around to remind the current fronter to check your journal/document/etc to keep up with communication!

2) PluralKit

With PluralKit on Discord, you can set up your own server and then create separate “accounts” that function as bots when you post. In this way, you can attribute a separate profile and icon to different headmates and allow them to communicate with each other in your own server! PluralKit truly is an amazing resource for systems, and you can learn more about implementing it for yourself by clicking here (external link goes to PluralKit.me)

3) Simply Plural

Simply Plurak is an amazing app available on both iOS and Android designed by plurals for plurals! It allows you to record your fronting history, set up headmate profiles and a system map, and communicate with each other via chat! If everyone in the system can get on board with it, it could be a great way to figure out who has fronted in the past and to leave messages for each other.

4) Videos, recordings, and voice memos

We don’t really do this, but we’ve heard of other systems who do! You can use a voice recording app or the camera on your device to record spoken messages for each other. You can make little videos, or even use sound design apps to make songs for each other!

5) Other people

Finally, if there are others in your life who know about your system, maybe you can ask them to help pass messages along. Our wife and our therapist have been amazing at helping the alters in our system communicate with each other. If one alter tells someone something important, that person can tell another alter later! Asking other people to help us stay in touch with each other has been immensely beneficial for our system. However, we only do this with folks we trust 100%. You shouldn’t be vulnerable and rely on others for help if you don’t trust them, they’ve hurt you in the past, or your headmates are uncomfortable around them!

Sorry this is long winded, but we hope it can help! We promise that you absolutely still can be a system or plural even with aphantasia. It may take some extra work or a bit of creativity to set up a good system of communication, but it definitely is possible! Good luck with everything - we believe in you and are wishing you the very best!

🌸 Margo, 🐢 Kip, and 💫 Parker

[hate2love-rp]

Wednesday (RP) Fandom Ideas

Call for roleplay partners (20+) for F/F   1-on1 roleplay in the Wednesday fandom. 

Includes Wednesday/Enid, Wednesday/Bianca, Bianca/OFC, Larissa Weems/Morticia, Larissa/OFC, Larissa/Marilyn, and Marilyn/Morticia

Willing to play the roleplay as NSWF and SFW. Sexual or nonsexual roleplay. Third person past tense, English, multi-paragraph (3-6+), and played on Discord, email or threads. See my pinned post for more information about preferences. I would LOVE to brainstorm for plot. The below ideas can be starting points or we can create something completely different together! Lets chat about it!  Themes: Action/Adventure, mystery, ROMANCE

Message me or like this post if interested in playing. :-D <3

Wednesday/Enid Ideas

Soulmate Trope - Neither Wednesday or Enid want to admit that the other is their soulmate. One or both attempt to keep the other from finding out.

Soulmate Trope #2 - Seeing Color was all Enid Sinclair ever wanted, because it would mean she had finally found her mate. But when she sees the color she's surrounded herself with and finds her mate shadowed in drab monocromes of black and grey, she has to come to terms with what fate has in store for her. Alpha/Omega #1 - Enid knew from the moment she met Wednesday that they were destined to be important to each other because she imprinted/recognized her mate. But how important is still up for debate. Alpha/Omega #2 - After Enid's first shift she finds she goes into heat/rut and although there are fawning werewolves looking for her attention, all she wants is Wednesday. Protective - Wednesday becomes protective of Enid / Enid becomes protective of Wednesday. Especially when dealing with stalkers and dead-zombie pilgrims.  Jealousy/Possessive - Enid does not like how many people are interested in Wednesday / Wednesday hates all of Enid's boyfriends with a fiery passion. But when Enid brings a girlfriend into their dorm, it’s too much for Wednesday.  Love is the Truth: Morticia slips a truth serum into Wednesday's espresso, thinking it will help Wednesday be honest with herself about her feelings. Wednesday thinks she's been doused with a love potion because she cannot stop herself from "fawning" over Enid. Wednesday tells Enid how much she likes her assortment of colorful pens and post-it-notes. How she is proud of her. How she does want Enid to hug her but is scared. Small truths that Wednesday has not admitted to herself are true, so she believes she's been doused a love potion and now much figure out who did it.

Nevermore University - Enid and Wednesday meet at Nevermore University rather than high school.  They shouldn't work, but they do.

Bianca Barclay Ideas (various pairings)

A Siren's Song - Bianca swore her actions were selfless. But that voice in the back of her head that sounded suspiciously like her mother called her a liar. Bianca uses her siren's song on someone.

Enemies can still be lovers - Bianca cannot stand Wednesday Addams and Wednesday cannot stand Bianca. But what does that have to do with anything? Never Knowing: Bianca is never sure if her lovers like and want her, for her, or because of her siren's song.

Siren’s Soulmate - There is one person who can withstand a siren’s song. Their true mate. It is so rare for a siren to find their mate that it is a nearly forgotten fairytale in their culture. Until Bianca tries to use her song on Wednesday Addams and nothing happens. 

Larissa Weems Ideas (Various Pairings) 

The Female Addams - Gomez's fraternal twin sister also attends Nevermore and falls for Larissa, who doesn't notice her at all.

Roommate, you say? - Larissa and Morticia are far more than roommates while attending Nevermore. Wednesday's 'Father' - Larissa and Morticia were having an affair until Wednesday was born. 16 years later, when Wednesday arrives at Nevermore Larissa looks into eyes that match her own. What are they all to do? You Ruined My Plans - Marilyn came to Nevermore to finish her family's quest for genocide against the Outcasts. But the more time she spends with Larissa Weems the more she questions whether all Outcasts are meant to die.

Other Pairing Ideas

Marilyn/Morticia - Garrett and Ansel Gates hate Morticia Frump because she has corrupted Marilyn and they attack the school to force the two apart. Julie/Juliet type of Shakespearean romance. 

[softsky-daily]

11/8/2023

The sky has been so blue lately - or maybe it just happens to be whenever I take a picture.

Positive thing: I got to play the new Yakuza game.

I played through the tutorial stuff and the first chapter and it's pretty fun so far. I had to adjust to the combat since it's back to the original beat-em-up style as the past games, plus Kiryu is all by himself and not with a big party like Ichiban is in Yakuza 7. It does give it a much lonelier feeling, but I think it suits the story. I'm playing in Japanese so I understand like 70% of it and the other 30% I'm trying to make out through context clues, but it's enough to enjoy it. Plus I'm learning a lot of new vocab which is always a plus.

There's this new gadget system thingy where you can use gadgets in combat and the first one you get is a wire that you can wrap around enemies and fling them around with. It's very Spiderman-esque. I think you unlock more which I'm curious about seeing.

Class was a big drag today. I straight up just kept the Zoom open and only tuned in when there was a mandatory discussion happening, and I was still tired by the end. Most of the time I was chatting with classmate friends on Discord on the side. It seems like a lot of us are going through it this semester. I guess I've also realized that there is just this strong atmosphere of... I don't know what to call it. Bootstrap mentality? Like that but much more subconscious I guess. My professor was sick and she opened the call with her groggy voice apologizing that she was sick, and said something along the lines of "You know, you have your clients and all these things you have to do, and when you get sick it's hard because you need rest and at the same time, everything is going to move on without you if you fall behind."

Which like, true I guess, but it never sits well with me when someone in my field says things like that. I know we live in a society that doesn't prioritize rest at all, and that it's basically being kept together by people who do do all that work, and someone has to do it and it's often thankless and difficult, but where do we strike that balance? What kinda message do we send others about mental health when we make the choice to do that? I know the answer is that a bunch of systems need to be reworked and better funded to allow for more rest, not just for counselors but everybody, but that won't happen so easily.

I see my friends doing the same things, both those in class with me or at their jobs or whatever, and it feels so harrowing that it's this ubiquitous. Just pushing through because it feels like there is no other choice. I've been doing that forever and it literally rots you away to be like that. I know there's a special kind of person who does genuinely thrive in that kind of pressure, but I am not them, and most people I know aren't either.

Oh well. I get to play more Yakuza tomorrow, and a friend is coming over to stay for the weekend as well. I'm mostly looking forward to Friday, where I'm having an end-of-running-group-counseling celebration lunch and then later going to my friend's birthday dinner. I bought him a present I think he'll really like so I hope I'm right. Then Sunday I'm volunteering at the Japanese Festival which I think will be fun too. I'm going to need to be pretty firm about having my own rest time though, because I have practicum Monday and if I don't get rest I think I'll literally be too out of patience with everything to function.

[sys128]

Revolt!

I have found this wall of text that I made back on March 13, 2023. I want to update myself on how my experience with this app was so far. This was the text that I typed up originally:

I have been thinking about trying out this app called Revolt. It has been brought to my attention via a user on my Discord server that wanted me to have a Revolt server. (And bridge it to the Discord one.) Another reason why I think it would be worth my time is because it seems that Discord has been turning into one of those services where you are not as free to enjoy it unless you are subscribed to Discord Nitro. “Pay to enjoy” was it called? What it is called is not important right now. I have looked into information about Revolt, and this is what I was able to find.

The software is completely free and open source, which would likely eliminate the chances of the platform suffering the same fate as Discord, with all of the Nitro features.

Revolt has themes that are completely free to use! Discord once experimented with this, but it looks like not much can be done with it… unless you have Nitro of course. Technically, there is already a free way to get custom CSS themes on Discord, but that requires something like BetterDiscord, which of course, is against the platform’s Terms of Service.

Just like Mastodon, you can self-host your own instance of Revolt, so it will become harder to take down if something goes wrong with either Discord getting salty over its existence or some other reason.

The file size limit on Revolt is larger that what free users have on Discord. As you may know, on Discord, the max file size that you can upload per file is 8 MiB maximum. However, this is over doubled on Revolt, allowing you to upload files up to 20 MB / MiB (I am not sure what base they are using here. It is definitely either 1,000 or 1,024.)

I think the most important plus for Revolt is their goal to be user-first. A mentality like that is CRUCIAL for platforms to do if they want to have loyal users. Being there for your users whenever possible can allow you as a platform owner to add what the users want, while you still have the choice to comply with the demands of advertisers or colleagues. A happy medium is probably the best you can get.

Apparently, it is possible to bridge Discord messages into one of your Revolt servers. However, the program cannot be used to control your Discord account, which is a shame. It probably makes sense though because I don’t believe Discord would be very happy about it. Terms of Service would likely get in the way again.

These are some good things about Revolt that I found to be enticing to me, as a long-time Discord user. However, there are some drawbacks that do make me wonder about how long I will use it.

The main reason is because of how many of mutuals use Discord. I can probably convince a few to make a Revolt account but I highly doubt that they will be nearly as active, let alone keep their account active at all. Getting a good portion to switch would be a real pain.

I have been told that screensharing is not a feature that exists on Revolt. I know a few people that screenshare what they are doing in voice chats very often, and they may be deterred by the fact that it just cannot be done on Revolt directly. My friend group does have remote desktop software that we use for when we want to do collaborative work, though.

When I get the chance, I will totally play around with it, maybe get a few people on it, and see how it is. If I find it to be good enough to replace Discord, I will see what I can do from there to manage things. Here’s to hoping for the best with Revolt.

Update time! Yes, it is a pretty good app so far, but there are two main things that is stopping me from using it at the moment. One, I joined onto the site at a very bad stage – well, for audio anyway. Partaking in voice chats on Revolt the moment I was on it was pretty much impossible. The audio sources, input or output, both were not able to be detected and/or applied. It turns out that the Revolt devs were working on an entire rewrite of the audio functions of the app. I don’t think there has been any status on it since January 24, 2023 that I could find, but I could very much be wrong.

Of course, the second thing was getting my mutuals to be interested in it. I was met with immediate declines when asking people to try it out. That did not help towards how long I ended up being interested in Revolt. Maybe one day, when Discord REALLY falls off, something may happen otherwise. And hopefully, by that time, the audio will have been properly rewritten and working.

[yumiko-shigaraki]

Flames & Frost

What happens when two students with opposite quirks both strive to be the number 1 hero in all of Japan?

Cross posted to and AO3, rewritten version of chapter 1

Words: 2.2k

Main Pairing: Named OC/Dabi (Touya Todoroki)

Potential trigger/content warnings: teenagers are portrayed true to life which means some cringy actions/dialogue, use of social media, physical violence, potential spoilers for Tomura's backstory, Kotaro is his own warning, warnings will be edited chapter by chapter

Yūka opened the envelope with bated breath, her heart gently thumping against her ribs as she carefully pulled out the disc from within. She sat in front of her TV and put the disc in her DVD player. She hit play, and watched silently as the pro hero Present Mic popped up on screen. 

“Hellooooo, Yūka Shimura! I am pleased to announce you have been accepted into the hero course at UA highschool.” He held up his thumbs with a big grin, and Yūka’s eyes widened in excitement before hurrying to turn down her TV’s volume in case her dad was upstairs. “Here in a moment a list of school supplies will pop up on screen, you’ll need to get them within the next couple of weeks, and don’t forget to design a hero costume. The first couple days in class you’ll get some help from staff to help map it out more if you get stuck or don’t know where to start! I’m looking forward to seeing you on campus, peace out!” With that, a list of school supplies popped up on screen. Yūka grabbed her phone and texted the list to her mother.

Nao: What’s all this?

Yūka: School stuff :D I got accepted into UA!

Yūka then perked up more and switched to her Discord app, opening her chat with her boyfriend. He was offline at the moment, which was a little odd, but she knew he’d probably see her message soon anyways.

frostbite777: babe guess what

frostbite777: I got into the hero school I tried out for

endeavorfan021: oh really?? thats so cool! did u get into the hero course like u wanted or did they put u in support

frostbite777: hero course, so maybe when we graduate we can be one of those hero couples/duos yk

endeavorfan021: thatd be amazing, I bet we’d kick ass together

frostbite777: for sure <3

Yūka heard her dad calling her, and frowned a little before typing a quick goodbye message and tossing her phone on her bed, soon getting the disc from UA out of her DVD player and hiding it under her mattress. Once she was sure the evidence was hidden, she stood up and ran downstairs, jumping off the third step on her way down.

“Yūka, honey, I’m in the kitchen, come here please.” Kotaro called, stirring some sort of sauce in a skillet. Yūka could tell from his tone alone that he was upset about something, and she felt her stomach twist anxiously as she stepped into the room, walking over and standing beside Kotaro. 

“Yes?”

Kotaro looked down at Yūka and stopped stirring the sauce for a moment. “Your sister got into Shiketsu High. I’m surprised they let her in even after missing the first year.” He told her, disappointment and irritation leaking from his voice. “She’s going to become a hero. What do you think of that?” Yūka thought for a small moment before she furrowed her brows. She had learned by now how to react to news regarding heroes or hero students. Still, something inside of her told her to be honest about her feelings regarding the news.

“I don’t know.” She lied. She was happy for Hana, and a little jealous that she could be honest about her ambitions without fear of their father. She wished she lived with their mother full time too. Kotaro made a sour face at that, and clutched the metal cooking spoon a little harder in his hand.

“Do you still want to be a hero? I know you were moved up a grade last year, which means you or your mother has already chosen your highschool. So, which highschool are you going to? Don’t lie to me either.” That was a warning, and Yūka was smart enough to take a couple steps back before speaking. 

“I’m.. I’m going to UA. I’ve already gotten the acceptance letter.” Yūka could feel her hands start to tremble, but she steeled her nerves as she looked up at her father. She saw his face harden, and she mimicked his look. “I’m going to become a hero too. Since Tenko couldn’t.” That was when she felt the metal spoon strike her above the eye, right on the brow bone. He had angled it perfectly so the side hit her. She yelped and stepped back again, a throbbing pain in her face. She raised her hand and touched where the spoon hit, blood staining her fingers and dripping into her eye. She instinctively shut it to keep any more from coming in.

“Under no circumstances are you to attend that school, do you understand me? Your brother is dead and do you know who tried to help him? Not a damn soul, not even those heroes. If they did their jobs he would still be here. Your mother has already failed as a parent by allowing Hana to follow these delusions. I will not do the same. Tell your mother to withdraw you from that school, or you can find somewhere else to live.” Kotaro knew Nao wouldn’t withdraw Yūka if he were the one to ask, so it had to be her. He walked to the sink and washed the spoon, red mixing into the water as Yūka hurried out of the room and back upstairs.

She ran into the bathroom, and began cleaning the wound, though once it was evident it wasn’t going to stop on its own, she called her mother.

“Are you doing okay, baby? I seriously cannot believe your father.” Nao clutched the steering wheel hard enough that her knuckles went white. Hana was in the backseat with Yūka, rubbing her back and trying to cheer her up. Once Yūka had called Nao and told her what happened, Nao hightailed it to her house to pick her up. She had used to quirk to heal the wound and had gotten into a yelling match with Kotaro while the girls packed up everything of Yūka’s they could fit in the car. Which was nearly everything but her furniture, which they had decided to just leave at Kotaro’s, since her room at Nao’s was furnished as well.

“I’m fine mom. This just sucks.” She sighed and shook her head a little. “Now I have to take the train and stuff to school. I’m gonna have to get up so early.” She groaned, and leaned back against her seat, making Hana take her hand back. 

“Maybe we can see if you can be transferred to Shiketsu? You might have to take another entry exam or something though, since I think they do the entry exams differently than UA.”

“Hana, that’s a sweet thought, but your sister has had her heart set on UA since she was little. We’ll figure something out, Yūka. I might be able to drive you in the mornings before I go to work. For tonight let's just get some dinner and get you unpacked.”

—

As Yūka stepped into classroom 1A on time, she silently thanked the heavens that her mom offered to give her a ride. She hated public transportation, since everyone’s body heat together made her lightheaded and sweaty. She went to the desk in the far back corner, and watched other students pile in. She put her head down and got her phone out, figuring it would be alright as long as the teacher wasn’t in the room. 

frostbite777: I got to school on time today, my moms going to be able to give me rides to school

endeavorfan021: thats good! I just got to school, but I cant find my classroom for the life of me

frostbite777: are there any teachers nearby or smth

endeavorfan021: oh yea just found one, I gotta go tho I dont think were supposed to have our phones out 

endeavorfan021: love u bby Ill ttyl <3

frostbite777: love u 2 <3

Yūka sat back up and tucked her phone away in her Edgeshot themed backpack. She looked around and saw another handful of students enter, including a boy with a set of bright red wings on his back. She hummed a little, and watched as a plain looking boy with white hair sat beside her. He plopped down in his chair with a small grunt, and she looked away once he looked at her. She noticed the boy with wings was sitting in front of her and she perked up, her eyes focused on the red feathers. 

“Staring is rude, you know. Were you raised in a barn?” The boy beside her spoke, his arms crossed as he watched her. She looked back at him with a small blush on her face from embarrassment. 

“Oh, sorry. I just thought they looked cool.” Yūka frowned before perking up and sticking her hand out to him, her thumb tucked up against her palm to make sure she wouldn’t accidentally use her quirk on him. He looked at her hand a little funny, unsure why she was doing that with her thumb, but still, he reached over and shook her hand. “I’m Yūka Shimura.” She smiled at him, expecting him to echo her with his own name.

“I’m Touya Todoroki.” He told her, wiping his hand on his pants as he made a face at her. “Why are your hands so clammy and cold?” He shook his head a little, and looked back at her.

“Oh, I don’t know why they’re clammy,” She subconsciously wiped her hands on her skirt. “But they’re cold because of my quirk, which is why I tucked my thumb up against my hand.”

Touya nodded, and got ready to say something else before their teacher walked inside of the classroom and got the class to quiet down. Mr.Aizawa took attendance and went over the rules and expectations, and soon dismissed the class to go get their PE uniforms on in the locker rooms. 

In the locker room, one of the other girls bumped her hip into Yūka’s, it made her flinch a little and she looked at the other girl like a deer in headlights. The other girl was blonde and had magenta eyes. “Oh, sorry for bumping into you.” Yūka said, even though she wasn’t the one who did it. This made the other girl laugh.

“Girl I bumped you, you’re fine.” She smiled at Yūka, and she sheepishly smiled back. “The name is Yu Takeyama, I heard you talking to that Todoroki kid earlier. Do you know who he is?” Yu waited for Yūka’s answer with an excited grin.

“Uh– Endeavor’s son?” Yūka questioned as she pulled the white t-shirt over her head, adjusting the shirt and her bra before pulling on the jacket. Yu looked both surprised and irritated at her answer.

“And you aren’t completely excited that he talked to you? He’s a total hottie, plus he’s Endeavor’s son. He’s rich too!”

“He wasn’t that good looking, plus I have a boyfriend, so it’s not like it matters.” Yūka told her as the pair walked out of the locker room. 

“Ugh lame. More for me then.” Yu gently nudged Yūka. She looked over at the door to the boys’ locker room, and noticed Touya and the boy with the red feathers. “Have you met Hawks yet?”

Yūka looked a little confused before she looked over at the two boys, assuming the one with wings was Hawks. “Oh, no. I’ve only met you and Touya so far. Also, were we already supposed to have hero names ready or is that his real name?”

“I don’t know. When Mr.Aizawa took attendance he said Hawks, and in middle school that’s all anyone called him, so maybe that’s his real name. A little on the nose though, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess. Should we go talk to them while the other students get their uniforms on?” Yūka tilted her head at Yu, who nodded and grabbed Yūka’s hand suddenly, and Yūka was barely able to bend one of her fingers out of the way in time. Maybe she should ask to have some gloves made for her uniforms.

“Hawks! Have you met my friend yet?” Yu grinned, letting go of Yūka’s hand and gesturing at her with a smile. 

Hawks perked up, stopping his bothering Touya for a second as he smiled. “No, I haven’t. What’s her name?” He asked, and Yu’s face dropped before she nervously laughed a little. Hawks rolled his eyes at that. “You don’t know yet, do you?”

“It’s Yūka Shimura.” Yūka laughed a bit as well, patting Yu’s shoulder reassuringly. Hawks smiled again at that.

“Shimura as in Nana Shimura? You’re related to her?”

Yūka looked surprised but nodded. “Yeah actually! She’s my grandma. I’m a little surprised you know her, that’s the first time anyone our age has made that connection.”

“Well, I’m glad to be the first.” Hawks held his hand out for her to shake.

“Careful, her hands are super clammy.” Touya chimed in, and Yūka huffed a little at that before she shook Hawks’ hand, being careful with her fingers of course.

“Oh they’re not that bad, Todoroki. I think you’re just dramatic.” That made Touya glare at him, and soon more of their classmates joined them outside of the locker room. Hawks then looked between Yūka and Touya before he laughed a little. “Todoroki, you are literally the shortest student here." “I am not shut up.” Touya shoved at Hawks’ shoulder, before noticing both Yu and Yūka were each at least a couple inches taller than him. “Oh God I am. What the Hell?” He scoffed and crossed his arms like a pouty child.

[mikamikawhatever]

Love

Love. A word in english that has varying meanings. You can love a bird, you can love a good cheeseburger, you can love your husband, you can love your friend. They all have different definitions, levels, and intensities. I love a few friends a whole lot, not in a romantic way but... I actually can't describe it myself. It's not romantic, but it's more than someone loving a basket of puppies. Love is a stupid word. I wish there were more used words to describe different kinds of love. But maybe that's by design? To mask one love for another?

Daniela was someone I loved. Romantically, I was sure. I was 24 at the time, and she was 26. Now I am 26 and she is 28. I pushed her away because I feared losing her or being rejected by her, so I wanted to get it over with before it hurt later on in life. She's doing very well, we met and chatted when she had 300 followers on twitter, and now she has 18,000! Could you believe it?! We weren't dating, just chatting and we'd voice call on discord every month. She had a boyfriend... there was no way I could date her... I was in love with my friend. What was I thinking?! I still think about "what if," you know? What if I did confess to her? Would she reject me? Would she block me? What would I do besides die of embarrassment?

I'm not in love with her anymore, by the way. Obviously, lol. But a part of me still misses our endless conversations. We'd message each other every day. We were friends! And I threw all that away. I always fuck things up. I had something good and I wanted more! I can't be satisfied with what I have, and this is why I'll die alone. I'm awkward talking to women. That's how I'll end this entry. I'm just awkward when I talk to women XD

[the-stray-liger]

So! Last Episode in Dragon Ball Z xD After Arkady's handler nearly killed everyone and outed Arkady as ex-Zeon, the Federation military police came to arrest him. Captain Dad and Podcaster Pilot are obviously pissed and try to stop it, but the orders came from someone higher up the chain of command and so there's nothing they can do but watch as Arkady is taken away.

Cue interrogation montage where baby boy immediately goes into dissociative traumatized mode as the soldiers begin using more brutal tactics, at one point even slamming him against the table and re-breaking his nose. This makes his dissociation even worse and he starts referring to himself in the third person, as if somehow he isn't in control of himself 1/?

After digging around and pulling every bit of dirty laundry he could, Captain Dad threatens the officer interrogating Arkady into releasing him or facing Consequences. Eventually he relents but not before leaving Arkady a right mes. Captain Dad of course is furious, and then visibly disturbed when Arkady keeps referring to himself in the 3rd Person. Podcaster Pilot kidnaps Sergeant Dad on the pretense of going on a supply room and thus Captain Dad and Arkady get some time alone. He calls Arkady to his office to debrief him on what happened. And there, once he's safe inside that office, he stops dissociating and snaps back and he can only cry. And boy cry he did, I legit strained my voice lmao (and received the Discord chat equivalent of a standing ovation while at it) But in short, he trauma-dumped like he never had, telling Captain how scared he was not just for himself but for him and how if something happened to him, he'd just wouldn't know what to do and how horrified he was of going berserk. And the Captain put both hands on his shoulders and said: "You, Alicia (Pilot), Reed (Sergeant), everyone in this unit are the closest thing I have for a family ever since I lost my daughter and my wife left. And you can bet for sure, I will always protect my family" 2/?? And to show how much he means it, he gives Arkady a little gift: A puzzle box where every engineer he knows added their own puzzle. Arkady is still scared of hurting him after his handler made him lose control and accidentally drops the box, but Captain Nyls goes to pick it up and gently placed it back in his hands saying that he knows Arkady is actually good and that he'll trust him with his life. Then to dissipate some of the tension, we went driving and had a little picnic. We had plenty of fun, Arkady got drunk on whisky, it was pretty relaxing... until Captain Nyls reminded Arkady that they still had a debriefing to do. Turns out Arkady *did* hide some secrets. For example, he knew far more about the handler than he initially reported to. Not only she's the most perfect Newtype to ever leave the Flanagan Institute, rivaling figures like Lalah Sune, she's also very high on the command structure and she knows the people who attacked Captain's original group and killed his daughter. But rather than being upset, Captain is supportive and can only thank Arkady for remembering... and once again reminding him that they're family and family protect one another. Which is recognized because Arkady forces him into a pinkie promise. Which means we're doomed by the narrative xD 3/?? Then the group comes back, they throw a little party to celebrate the resounding success of this mission and Arkady even gets to show off some racing skills by rolling insane numbers on his Piloting skill And once everyone goes to bed, completely and utterly exhausted from the day, he sneaks into the comms room and sends out an encrypted message: "How are you? Hope you're doing well. I'm doing fine! You don't need to worry. We beat her... I finally found a safe place. And I would like if you could join me." And thus ends the session!

ok I need to ask are y'all recording the sessions or anything? bc this is so fucking amazing and I need to live it