#Upsetting considering how I know them
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I just saw some Kokichi hater in the tags bitching about Chapter 4 because of course they are
And they were so mad people ship OuGoku like bro don't come @ me just because you decided to maliciously misinterpret Kokichi and Gonta's plot and relationship
But the funnier part of that post?
They said "At least Byakuya and Nagito never tricked anyone into killing"
First of all: God damn it can you fuckers hate Kokichi without being ableist AF to Gonta I'm so fucking TIRED.
But second of all: NAGITO LITERALLY MANIPULATED TERUTERU INTO KILLING SOMEONE AND ADMITS IT LIKE WTF ARE YOU ON ABOUT??? And Byakuya may have not done that but he sure jerk around everyone in the trial for NO fucking reason in Chapter 2 to try and frame Genocider Syo!!!
Edit: NAGITO ALSO TRICKED CHIAKI INTO KILLING HIM TOO LIKE BRO.
This comparison is just bad!!! And malicious! I'm so tired of this ableist bullshit!!! BEGONE.
#Kokichi Ouma#Nagito Komaeda#byakuya togami#gonta gokuhara#danganronpa v3#danganronpa#drv3#Ableism tw#I'm gonna start tagging most discussions about Kokichi hate as ableism now#Because 90% of the time they include Gonta and we all know how THAT goes#I blocked everyone who liked that post to and noticed an artist I recognized liked it#Upsetting considering how I know them#But like. Yeah no goodbye I ain't tolerating ableism towards Gonta any fucking longer#YEET.
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You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.
-Shrimp Anon
The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.
Get ready cause this is a yap session:
Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.
I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.
The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.
This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.
Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...
These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.
I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.
Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.
It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.
I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.
It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.
There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.
End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.
#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces#regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary#but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful#and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to#explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen#in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what#is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit#from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be “good” are altered until they follow line#in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue#that the discussion of it sounds like “in defense of men” when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t#upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do#something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those#two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example#or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the#fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically#violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out#in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game#but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of#rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se#how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is#concerned about with Jimmy#and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy#instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste#which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab#complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post#on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if#you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make#the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions
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seeing people's takes about the whole watcher situation is just a bit.... mind-boggling.
i think the apology they posted was good in the sense that they admitted to fucking up and walked back on their decision, and i think the model they've settled on now is a lot more reasonable (having content be released earlier for those who choose to subscribe), but like.... that doesn't mean that no one should've ever been mad at them in the first place???
like seriously, why does it seem like people are looking at a "good" apology and thinking "huh! they sure did apologize well! i guess that means that it was ridiculous for people to be mad in the first place! no one should have ever complained!!". if no one complained, they wouldnt have walked back their decision! they would've kept going with their dumb completely paywalled option!
and thats not even getting into the fact that their financial woes seem to come from completely mismanaging their money - hiring people when they can not afford to and spending more money on "high quality productions" when they cant afford to.... these are core issues that im not sure will be completely fixed by this? but idk.
also, this situation i think has really helped my own self come to terms with the fact that i do not enjoy many aspects of their content. i sorta already knew that considering i can not remember the last ghost files video i watched because i find that shit incredibly boring and overproduced, and even things like too many spirits have become a chore to watch bc they decided to extend the Not That Funny drink making portion when i just wanna hear some funny spooky stories.
anyway i guess my ultimate point here is: im glad they acknowledged they fucked up, but i also am not sure how interested i am in their content anymore in the first place. oh well
#watcher#i still personally dont know if i would call them 'greedy' for their original choice#for the record: i dont think the three of them are struggling at all lmao#they clearly are living pretty well off#but i do think that watcher as a company really has been struggling bc of their awful business decisions#so i DO think they needed to change SOMETHING#its just.... yknow maybe next time just fucking ask ur audience about the routes ur considering taking#rather than just surprising everyone with a 'whoops! its all paywalled now!!'#im really not sure how to articulate my feelings bc i just constantly feel confused at the way i see others act online#like seeing people yell at others for being 'too parasocial' in the sense of people feeling betrayed and upset by their choices#when those same people are being incredibly parasocial themselves by defending these three like their lives depend on it#these are not starving artists. they are the owners of a business. a ceo. i think its fair for ppl to critique them in that sense#and to point out things like hiring more staff than they can afford#and spending more money on production than is arguably necessary#even if it is part of their 'artistic vision'
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gonna vent for a sec but im so tired of this "don't wanna be an inconvenience", people pleasing shit ngl.....do people who do this know that they just come off as really rude and like... it just feels insulting each time
#idk it's so upsetting and discouraging im really tired of it#like bro.... everyone can see what you're doing and#you doing it just communicates that you think im a fucking awful person#if im going to be fine with like someone... putting themselves down for the sake of others#or denying help because thay dont want to be an inconvenience#it just feels rude#if you don't think that i genuinely want to help you#if you think that I'm just fucking pretending or whatever then why are you even here I don't want#a friend who thinks these thoughts about me xd#like#how many times do i have to assure someone#i just feel like shit#it really just feels so shittyyyyyyy#comeonnnnn#people can SEE you people pleasing and doing all that shit#and everybody fucking hates it#it just makes me super uncomfortable and i know it also makes other ppl i know very uncomfortable also#on one hand I don't wanna mention anything to this person because trauma is trauma what the fuck am i#supposed to do about that its just a trauma response but god i have feelings too#i want that person to also consider me because it feels so awful it just taints every single interaction#because it makes me feel like they think im some awful person who's going to be fine#with them carrying all their stuff even though i offered like 5 times and them just pushing themselves aside so i have space#even though im offering to share#AURGHH#it feels so bad#i feel like this every time i spend time with this person or any other person who does this that i know enough to like#recognize the behavior#idk im just tired I can't be putting all my effort#into reassuring every single step it's just sucking all fun out of everything we do together it just feels like shit whatever
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the thing about autistic izzy for me is that he isnt that uwu soft romanticised type of autistic. hes brash, he doesnt know how to process his emotions, hes constantly on the verge of being overstimulated- if things arent done the way he expects them to be done, if his routine is fucked with hes going to lose it
#more representation for autistic characters that aren't palatable please#hears my new thing i think would fix izzy: some noise cancelling headphones#hm i could definitely make more thoughts on this but my brain is not working rn#post inspired by my coworkers not doing things how i would do them and it upsetting me to an irrational degree#i understand why he is ~like that~ over ship maintenance even when everyone else thinks it doesn't matter#nyxtalks#izzy hands#israel hands#someone let me know if some of these things aren't considered autistic traits lol its all based on my personal experience#he is just like me fr#ofmd#a certified nyx post
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Fucked up that you can know someone for almost your whole life and consider them to be a friend and then just stop talking once you graduate high school
#this isn’t really something I’m upset about because this person was kind of shitty and looking back they did a bunch of stuff that made me#uncomfortable but like#how do I go from spending almost every day with you for fifteen years and considering you my best friend for a good bit of that#to not having had more than a conversation in multiple years#like it’s just so weird#they know too much about me and I know too much about them#we used to spend every summer together and yet I don’t even know what state they’re in right now#weird shit
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i think one of the most disappointing things is to see that your childhood friends have grown up to represent the kind of people you're disappointed in
#had a friendship break up w like one of my entire friend groups of six ppl?#found out that one of the girls in our friend group had sent screenshots of our private conversation about smth I was hurt over#to a gc with our other friends (but not me ofc)#and they all proceeded to talk shit about me :// I swear the way my stomach dropped when the friend I was having the convo w#sent me screenshots of what our mutual friends were saying about me#she knew how much it would hurt me but still did it just to prove a point (though I'm certain she misrepresented our conversation + my word#to them considering she blocked out what she had initially said to them lol)#my stomach hasn't dropped like that since high school#which is exactly where I thought we left this kind of deceitful behaviour. like how are you guys twenty one and still sending screenshots#and talking bad behind only one (1) friend's back when you know she can't defend herself in that space#I immediately texted our collective gc to explain a text she had sent but failed to give context for#then told them if I'm as selfish as they say I will leave this friend group. and then I left that gc#I also texted two friends who I knew were talking shit and I sent them the screenshots that first “friend” sent and pointed out how#she blocked out what she said so I'm suspicious that she skewed our conversation so they (the two other “friends”) should be wary#I told them I understood it was fair game to stoop. this low considering neither of them tried to reach out to me to hear my side#or defend me + my privacy#for context: the original argument was me voicing out that I was upset bc that first “friend” had invited and planned with with our friend#group an event that landed on my birthday without checking in with me if I was planning to spend time with them that day#and she kept defending herself and saying she didn't know I'd plan smth (probably bc my bday is two months away lmao) and she said#the event they'd be attending is just as important and necessary as being there for my birthday?? it's literally just a party her brother#(who none of us are close to lol) is DJing at. and I brought up how I'm their close friend (not her brother) and it's not fair to call#it equally necessary. but I suspect she skewed what I said greatly considering all of our friends started calling me selfish and unfair#but yeah v v crazy and hurtful and just astonishing#salmaspeaks
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In general, friendship for schizoid individuals is usually limited to one other person, forming what has been called a union of two eccentrics; "within it – the ecstatic cult of personality, outside it – everything is sharply rejected and despised".
Referring to my friendship with Toby as a "union of two eccentrics" from now on
#For anyone who might see this and be upset because they think I don't consider them a friend -#I DO have other friends it's just... hm. Idk how to put it without sounding insensitive.#It's that... it's 'one sided' in a certain sense. I do care but I just simply do not let most people in#Most people will never really know or understand me in any meaningful way and I purposely keep people at a distance#Toby#schizoid posting#personal
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"Every Shatterspace contains a shard: creates a distorted version of our reality"
"If we bring them back here, and connect them to this real one— then maybe there is a chance..."
(Sonic Prime is not a multiverse story, it's one universe that got destroyed/distorted)
"They're not your real friends"
"Nine and all the rest of them are real!"
Sonic, you do understand that if reality gets restored, and the Shatterverse stops existing (because it wouldn't be shattered anymore), so would the shatterspaces, and everyone who lives there: everything would just go back to the way it was before.
But if you consider them real, you only have two choices:
Bring the shards together and restore your reality, bringing back your friends in the process, but the people created by the shattering of the Prism would go back to being just parts of your friends and seize to exist separately?
Or leave it be, and lose your friends forever, but their counterparts would still exist as their own entities?
So what would it be, Sonic?
Who has more right to exist?
#though I don't really feel like sonic had shown us that he considers the shatterverse counterparts separate people#even disregarding the way he acted in new yoke the first time (since it was the first time and he had no idea what's going on)#later he still expects nine to shrug off his issues the way tails did in the flashback#(and apparently always does since 'tails never gets upset')#he projects knuckles's personality traits onto dread — traits that dread doesn't have. sonic just expects him to because to him he's knux#idk man. there's a lot of examples in earlier episodes too. like him refusing to fight thorn because she's amy. but you could say#it was a long time ago and his attitude changed: well clearly not since he's still acting the same way at No Place#sonic prime#sonic prime spoilers#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#I know the palm tree plays into this somehow but idk how#and I want Sonic to actually struggle with this#not some 'untying people from the tracks before the trolley runs them over' type of bs. make it interesting!
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me when i find the PERFECT mtt song (yamitsuki,,,,,,,, maretu my king how did you do it,,,,,,,,,,,,, literally HOW did you do it why is this song weirdly accurate wtf and its for a completely different character 2??? HOW DID YOU DO THIS??? THE ENTIRE FUCKING SONG FITS??? THE ENTIRE SONG COULD BE MADE TO HAVE CONNECTIONS WITH ONLY MILD REACHING??? HELLO??????) (this translation!!!) (the translation is not.linking i will be shooting myself. its the on on the vocaloid wiki NOTthe video....)
literally like. 1/3 is horror. 1/3 is dust. and then the last is killer. in that order. the first 2 verses talk about bloodshot pain (bloodshot EYES.... HORROR'S EYE) and a rotting fatal wound (THE FUCKING HEAD CRACK!!! HIS GODDAMN HEAD WOUND!!!!). commiting brutality. i dont think much else is needed. wrong/right and judging biases,,,,, jesus fuck wtf. AND THEN in the next verse there's a mention of "starving for necessary evil" HELLO!!!! HELLO!!!!!!! him starving himself while also feeding snowdin human which totally sucks,,,,,, horror sans,,,,,,???? chorus of shrill voices (duh snowdin. or also could be undyne and royale guard. i like snowdin more). and then the last line of the second verse mentions sadism. nothing more to say. horror sans i mayhaps perchance mightve just encountered you in a song. or maybe the translation is freakily accurate and the song itself isnt that specific (probably but hey i can dream)
and then th next 2 verses r dust except i dont really know about the first verse but also a line that says "this is the death of the conflict, come and see me" could be referring to the human's death which like. man. and then the next verse is just dust sans but in a single verse. give me more excellent pain could be interpreted as LV but also the mental pain that comes with yk..... killing all you love.LOVE. LV. he needs more LV... anyways. mad off the beaten track. MAD. MENTION OF MAD LIKE CRAZY LIKE MAD TIME LIKE DUST SANS!!!! echoes of a haughty voice resound,,,,, phantom paps,,,,, "severe punishment, 100 renouned sights, i long for pure pessimism" i cant explain this one well i think but just think about it okay. this time you get to be the one coming up with the ideas (σ´∀`)σ
killer only has one verse that i can link this song 2 but i also think its th most freakily accurate. verse 1 is "through instantaneous joy, entertain me for my whole life, i'm cunningly"LUCKY". i get completely bored. give me pleasure without worry. and now, right away." and then "i'd rather head to eternal darkness. i'll abide by you always, emptily "HAPPY". i shed tears from my clear white eyes. come and show me your best smile!" HELP HELP HELP THEYRE SHOOTING ME HELP HELP!!!! THEY JUMPING ME (these lyrics) because WTFyhis isFREAKILY accurate. the entire first verse and its spiel on boredom and having someone else manage the entertainment/emotions,,,, and the cunningly lucky part is just. i think the word cunning is just really good to describe killer (sneaky little bastard) and then he's "lucky" emphasis on quotes because idk he got chosen for whatever the fuck his chara wants. what luck. really bad luck but whatever. and then MORE on the following another person and EMPTILY!!! EMPTY!!! KILLER FEEL NOTHING EMPTY!!!! fake happy too,,,, and killer has white eyelights sooo IM NOT REACHING!!! also he literally cries
in conclusion MARETU is a god amongst men and somehow this song managed to fit the mtt i have no idea how. next coming up: how NAMIDA fits horror. how thirst fits dust. how i'm high fits killer. idk if i already said this one probably did BUT JUST IN CASE maretu also has maegamist,,,,, maretu i knew i listened to you for a reason. so i could make totally irrational and unreasonable connections of your songs to the fucking murder time trio of all things. what joy
#me when i complain about not listening to music in english and then i see this GEM#yk what... its okay i'll never get to understand songs on the first listen#its OK that ill never get to have it easy when it comes to lyric translations...... ITS OK!#i might totally be upset that i cant just point to a song and be like this is mtt or something because i have to check the fucking wiki#this is your sign to listen to more vocaloid. you probably already do but like. LISTEN TO MORE#last years spotify wrapped for me was all pepoyo can i be considered a true fan now#everysong is murder time trio if you reach hard enough. if you just SQUINT..... you can see them in it#cannot believe ive been listening to this the entire time and i never checked the lyrics to see#see this is why!!! im missing out on mtt content if i dont check lyrics!!!!!!!!#and the songs a fucking banger too. i love how dramatic snd threatening it gets on the killer section#idk i just think the chanting in the background is cool. and so killer. thats him btw. he's waving wave back to him!!!!!#i cant WAIT for Spotify wrapped this year.... im so excited to see#i already know who's gonna be number 1 (my queen pepoyo) but still#i found lonePi later in this year so i wanna know if lonepi managed to beat maretu or not. probably not idk#theres a lot of songs i consider mtt related. theyre in a differently filed section of music in my head than everything else#tricule rant#days of not posting about mtt has my brain thinking about them in overtime#or these are just built up ideas from the past few days i didnt talk about. eitherway a person that thinks all the time#i dont feel like making more posts explaining those last few songs i mentioned in the last paragraph#if you read the lyrics on the wiki youll understand. if not you need to adapt my mindset
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Observing peoples reactions to morally gray or black actions committed by different characters is so funny. Throughout all of G. War the character tags were chock-full of people unironically enraged claiming “Bruce isn’t even capable of doing something bad like that.” about an action that is pretty well in line with his character journey thus far, meanwhile there are still new posts that gain traction that open with lines like “I know Jason has committed his fair share of sins/crimes but” like bro when. In 2010?
Also. The whole premise of the b*tfamily™ that you so love is built on the load bearing wall being that they are a crime family. Hell, do people just collectively forget the part where Bruce manufactures and freely uses weapons with his own furry brand logo plastered all over them, causing all sorts of 'explosions and more!' property damage all over the streets of Gotham? Pretty sure that makes him a terrorist but you people don't feel the need to go around reminding fandom of that every five minutes.
#as someone who loves post crisis Jason more than the average person who considers themselves a Jason fan:#how much longer are we going to pretend that’s still where we are today#to all the people who get so fucking worked up anytime Jason does something other than sit there and look pretty#what exactly do you want to see him do in comics anyway? vacuum his apartment?#like please let him fuck shit up for people whose plans were messed up anyway please let him have opinions and act on them#kelseethe#these people assume fans like Jason *despite* all his ‘wrongdoings'#when we repeatedly post about why Jason fucking with people was epic and cool and justified#while they sit there being upset that their traumatized problematic fav with a god complex#acts like a traumatized problematic bitch with a god complex lol#‘do Jason fans even know why they like his character’ seems like someone is in need of some introspection#disclaimer: l'm not a bruce anti. you know that liking a problematic character doesn't mean wanting to erase#every atrocity he committed and putting him through a redemption arc#I just have low tolerance for the utter ignorance of some of his fans lol#and that of his writers who market him as the agreeable voice of reason#while simultaneously portraying him as an abusive father + war criminal lol#the way I used the terms ‘morally gray/black’ here is subjective.#personally I don’t consider killing drug dealers/kingpins in a fictional universe morally gray because I’m not a fucking narc lol#but abusing your son for over a decade then literally breaking his brain is undeniably morally black in & out of universe
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Kaeya has a habit of stealing and hoarding little things from people he loves. Small seemingly innocuous items going missing at random? Chances are, Kaeya is behind it.
#hc; kaeya#//It's in the little things#//Makes him feel like he's keeping little parts of them for himself#//And boy does his guy have one helluva sleight of hand when it comes to stealing things#//Had to learn how in a pinch; considering his travels with his dad#//Did so for a bit with the Ragnvindrs; foods and things he might wanna take with him if he needed to run away#//But then it became a way to connect with them in a way#//Stealing Crepus' ties; Diluc's hair ribbons; a kerchief from Addie; a coin from Elzer#//The coin he has is that very one; keeps it on his person bc of how dear Elzer is to him#//Like the brother that actually stayed#//No I am not over the fact that Elzer has said he saw Crepus as a father figure too ;-;#//The older Kae got; the more he took; esp if the items had ties to Important Memories#//That was just in case his memories of them starting mucking up; be it bc of the Curse or his usage of Abyssal energy messed with his head#//Some of his most prized possessions are a bottle of Crepus' cologne & the bloodstained tie he'd swiped from his body the day he died#//A bottle of scented oil he stole from Jean's desk when he'd comforted her after Diluc left#//A perfumed letter from Lisa after he'd intervened and vetted her capabilities over Nymph#//A grubby; shriveled philanemo mushroom--the very first Klee ever gave him when they'd met#//A crystal he'd snatched off Albedo's experiments that he'd intended to investigate but wound up treasuring#//He still uses one of Diluc's stolen hair ribbons to tie that lock of his; one he stole off him the very day BEFORE the Heckening#//From Huffman; he'd stole...his heart. Jkjk; he stole a pair of gloves from him. Wears them over his own when in Dragonspine#//Nabbed the first time Huffman told him they were friends; Kae was ECSTATIC to have finally made one for himself (outside Luc & Jean)#//The biggest item he's taken is one of Addie's shawls; that she'd wrapped around him some time after Diluc left#//Still uses it as a comfort when he's upset. He knows he only has it bc she let him keep it & never asked for it back#//She was prolly most aware of his little habit; bc everything he snatched within the household tended to be replaced Real Quick#//Prolly knows just how much the little items mean to him; so never stopped him
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Kinda weird question- do you have any links to people talking about Mira from ZTD and ableist stereotypes? I mentioned that I was uncomfortable with her portrayal but kinda fumbled it and made some other ND people in chat uncomfortable. I searched for various keyword combinations but most of what I'm finding is like "and not to mention the ableism with Mira" and doesn't elaborate lol.
Not weird at all! And uh, you see, there's a recent post I made where what I complain about is the very fact I've never seen anyone post too in-depth about her at all, I'd love to see posts that do elaborate on that but I do not have any that I know of right now, sorry :/ hopefully someone else who sees this can point to one? Okay!! After some tag searches I have found exactly one post who kind of gets into it I like this take still would love to see. more than just one but hooray
And like though I complain I couldn't elaborate much on it myself I don't think, I believe most of the posts people make about Saito from aitsf would apply since it's a different uchikoshi take on the very same trope of "emotionless characters who cannot function without killing others" I guess he's a worse portrayal though since she's at least not stated to get reward brain chemicals when killing people and I guess her case also has the added layer of "femme fatale" to it? Which either makes it less bad or worse depending on where you approach it from As I said I am not doing a good job of being coherent on this oh and also there's her being "redeemed" and "cured" in the epilogue which in on itself is kinda not great to imply it just goes away like that and honestly I personally don't even buy it I think she'd just be like oh okay Akane over here has like a thousand reasons to hate me after all that oh and what's that she's the leader of a super wealthy underground organization who's organized one of these death traps before yeah no I'm better off going to prison I'll be fine there lmao bye
But I'll say as an autistic person with relatively low empathy I usually see a character who just doesn't understand other people's feelings and wants to feel them too and is just trying to survive despite getting no help and I just kinda go hm. yeah. shout-out to roxas kingdom hearts shout out to mary from ib shout out that's why I started hyperfixating on media art helps me with understanding others a great lot and Mira is just in a story too badly executed for me to care or even begin to wrap my head around tbh like god she's so fucking terribly used as a plot device in every conceivable way that it makes it difficult to see past it and into what she could possibly be if it weren't for the stereotype of equalling low empathy with no compassion what's with her killing off screen in ways that wildly deviate from her stated m.o? why or how was she even in cahoots with Zero why was that a thing? Honestly her dynamic with Sean could have been better fleshed out could have done something interesting about robot child and his aspd big sis but we just kind of don't get any attention brought to the subject of emotions and the authenticity there of except for the "reveal"...
YOU KNOW WHAT that's probably one huge reason it feels so fucked up actually! Like the whole fucking game is written so you could experience it in whatever order you want and therefore Mira being a serial killer at all is something that though not very well hidden it also cannot be a topic of discussion or explored Ever ever because the player may not have seen the fragment where that is revealed yet- problem being the menu design of that game sucks so bad and practically everyone gravitates towards the same few more interesting looking thumbnails first and then the rest is kinda just there, I mean that is part of the reason A Lot of characters feel half-baked I think but also I think it definitely does impact perception of her character specifically probably The Most and then there's just the general not being given nuance not being able to see the minutiae of how that disorder manifests in her character aside from the killings about how she acts aside from being overly flirty trying to lure in Eric but that affects pretty much all of the new cast we don't have last names and in her case we barely have any backstory at all like Saito is a harmful stereotype sure but we get So Much Context for him that people still love talking about him and delving into different aspects of his life since we have that very well telegraphed in the narrative meanwhile for Mira all we can do is fill in the blanks guesswork that only highlights the worst aspects of the surface level portrayal we got and ultimately that people just don't care enough to dissect because there isn't much there character wise once you remove it
#oh to be miraposting on a sunday evening instead of catching up on schoolwork#I love how you can see the exact moment while writing this that I had a brain blast akdhks#me: sorry I can't elaborate also me: types out. three paragraphs#also if you're comfortable with that I'm curious what you could have possibly said that it'd be considered fumbling#dms are open if you send it into an ask I'll answer privately and again only if you want to share#cause like I want to see different perspectives on this so bad even if they're not eloquent#especially since it's not really something that ever got to me much? but that I can kinda see why it'd be upsetting#my suspension of disbelief is just too tanked for it to get an emotional reaction of me especially with the rest of the cast for contrast#I'm too busy being annoyed at everyone else's portrayal in that game not to mention idk it feels like#like schlocky hollywood no thoughts character archetype go brr type ableism#not the really insidious woven into the narrative stuff that I usually want to rant about cough cough youtube video I'll probably never mak#like pretty sure it's stated somewhere that the idea for her character was uchikoshi going hm. there's been femme fatales in these games#but none of them have been Really “Fatale” you know? he literally just wanted the big booba character to also be the stabby character#zero escape#ztd#mira ztd#if this should be under a readmore. let me know#zero escape spoilers#escape room convention but it's a time loop
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I think if more people were put in my shoes they'd understand why I react the way I do to certain things
#Its very easy to pass someone off as being irrational or overdramatic until you consider what you'd do in their position and realize you'd#probably feel similar to what they're feeling#I try not to judge how people respond to bad things happening to them because I can't be certain I wouldn't respond the same way#Someone I know handled an issue in a way he probably shouldn't have and all anyone seems to care about is how unprofessional he was about i#All I care about is that he's 14 and was probably having a breakdown when he did that#Im someone who's often met with annoyance or even anger for expressing my upset for almost anything#Maybe i am irrational at times but can you truly and honestly tell me you'd handle things I've been through better than I have if#you experienced them#This post is half about me but also just a general sentiment I think people should carry#Understand someone's feelings and how you'd handle their situation before judging them or getting angry at them
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I'm so tired
#not to come on here just to complain and feel sorry for myself especially because i know things are so much worse for so many other ppl#but as hard as i'm trying it's hard to believe things will be okay i'm trying so hard not to fall into defeatist attitudes#but fuck man. fuck. it's not even that i'm surprised or anything it's just. man#i want to curl up in a ball and just be comforted and cry and be upset but i can't do that and i have no one to do that#my worker's comp payments aren't coming through like they're supposed to and i have like ten dollars and barely any food in the apartment#my injuries aren't getting better the pain is still there even though i'm doing everything i'm supposed to#my meds aren't working but meds have NEVER worked on me and i keep hoping and praying some day i'll find one that will but i fear they won'#i have more psych testing in january but a part of me worries about doing it because if (when) i test positive for certain things it will b#on my record and considering..... the state of things i worry about what that means for me and my autonomy esp regarding anything medical#i still can't convince any doctors to take my issues that are almost CERTAINLY endometriosis seriously and again.... given the state of thi#i find it very hard to believe that will change and will in fact only get worse and i will never be able to get any kind of sterilization o#hysterectomy and if something ever ended up happening and i DID get pregnant well. it would not be good for me#i feel very alone and like i need to and must handle everything on my own but i feel like i'm about to break doing that#and then this. this. this this this this. i know it's not fair to be upset about it. like i said things are so much worse for so many other#but fuck dude. fuck man. mentally i have not been doing good recently and nothing has happened in my life to really help that recently#i want to go back to being so repressed i genuinely felt/believed i was emotionless this was not a good year for the dam to break#i told my therapist the other day that i feel like a toddler. i was so repressed and emotionless for as long as i can remember#so i never learned to deal with big ugly and overwhelming emotions. so i react as a child still learning would because i never got the#chance to learn how to manage them and FUCK MAN i feel like i'm losing it#i know it's important to do what you can and not fall into overly negative mindsets but that's not something i was good at anyways#and now it's even harder but i'm trying. fuck dude i'm trying so hard i want to be hopeful i want to do what i can#i don't want to hate everything and jump immediately to wanting to kms or destroying my whole life because what's the point#i just. holy fuck. man i need a minute to breathe and i wish i had someone physically here to hold me and tell me it's okay#but i don't have that so i'll be a big girl and sort myself out like usual and just hope i don't break yet#i'm gonna go watch anime and try and read fic to distract myself but mannnnnnnn i feel like i'm losing it#kaz rambles
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#screaming.to.the.gods#rant#god I love my mom#but we can not functionally live together#at all#we were out of cat food and instead of going to buy some#she gave the cats treats she got for free at work#which would be fine EXCEPT MY CAT IS ALLERGIC TO FISH#And there were no ingredients listed on the container so god knows if there was fish oil in it#so now Im upset#and shes upset that Im upset with her#and when I tried to talk to her about it she just made a bunch of excuses#and completely ignored the fact that I told her before Indy cant have them#and now Im crying both because Im concerned for my cat but also because I miss my dad#he never would have done that#because he would have actually bothered to listen to me#and recognize that I spend a shit ton of money every month to get this cat special food#SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE OKAY WITH HER HAVING MYSTERY SNACKS#I miss how my dad would actually consider my feelings
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