#had a friendship break up w like one of my entire friend groups of six ppl?

[bloomingsalma]

i think one of the most disappointing things is to see that your childhood friends have grown up to represent the kind of people you're disappointed in

[matthewtkachuk]

mistaken identity - jj maybank

jj mistakes you for a touron, despite the fact that he’s been copying your test answers for years and pined after you just as long. will you let him take you on a date to make it up to you and win you over?

warnings: none i don’t think

pairing: jj maybank x reader

word count: 1.9k

a/n: hello loves, despite a rude anon’s best efforts i’m still here. wrote this little something on the plane ride home yesterday night to distract me from 1) the terrible turbulence and 2) the feeling of my heart literally breaking. i’ve missed my little klepto baby, hope yall enjoy this cute lil jj fic. also 10/10 i will be calling my future sig other ‘bud’ and yes i literally wrote @girlsru1eboysdroo1into this, sue me or w/e feedback makes my heart happy.

You don’t quite know how it happened. One moment you were just the girl JJ cheated off of in math when Pope wouldn’t let him, a member of the math team and all around nobody at Kildare High. Sure, you had friends you sat with at lunch and no one really had a bad thing to say about you. Though, if one really thought about it, no one really had a thing to say about you at all - good or bad. You were the definition of a wallflower, content to sit on the sidelines, observing but never interacting fully. The next moment, you were somebody.

Contrarily, you know exactly where it happened. The same place where residents of both sides of the island come together alongside the hapless tourists with only a few goals in mind: drink, dance and find a warm body to cozy up to for the night. This location is, of course, a boneyard kegger at the beginning of summer (one of the first in fact), and those activities are, of course, not quite in line with your typical Friday night. 

It’s your best friends fault you’re here, you muse, hand wrapped tightly around a red solo cup containing three quarters of the warm beer you were handed nearly half an hour ago. You didn’t have anything against drinking, or anyone who drank, your parents were just a little more present than your classmates. You were staying over at Pen’s that night, her mom was really cool, but you couldn’t shake the imaginary hand of your parents and found yourself looking over your shoulder, prepared to drop the cup in the sand and run. Pen had been the one who was adamant that the two of you make an appearance, “you didn’t come to a single kegger last summer, and it’s our last summer before college, c’mon live a little!”. She was nothing if not persistent, and so you agreed if only to get her to let it go.

She had promised she would be by your side ‘the entire night’, but of course fifteen minutes in and she was nowhere to be seen. Also suspiciously missing, despite his two cronies still standing within your peripheral vision, was one Rafe Cameron. You didn’t know what Pen saw in him, she was the literal sweetest person in the entire world and he was... well himself. Of course no one is perfect, she did ditch you after all, and no one is entirely bad either. Since whatever was going on between them started, Rafe hadn’t been bothering you at all and you considered that a win in your books. 

Girl code and euphemisms about female friendships being more important than romantic ones aside, you couldn’t stay mad at her for long and wanted her to be happy. For some unknown reason, he made her happy and you had to support that.

You just wish she had supported you a little and been upfront about you. That way you could have been home, maybe with a book, maybe with netflix. Either way, you wouldn’t be sitting alone on a piece of driftwood slowly sipping on a warm beer as some of your classmates chatted up a group of tourons. You weren’t alone long, however.

You felt his presence before you saw him. JJ Maybank of all people sidled up beside you on the log, toe tapping and hand fidgeting with his rings as he sat silently for all of thirty seconds. Having been in the same class as the boy for more than a decade you recognized his antsy antics as ones that he often acted on in class. If you took a moment to think about it, you could admit that he was conventionally attractive, his whole devil-may-care attitude and golden surfer tan only made him all the more appealing. However, you had known the boy (or at least known of the boy) for so long, you never let that feeling grow into anything tangible. Besides, you were going to leave the small island in the fall and you were never looking back.

The silence only lasted for a minute longer before he broke it. “First time in the outer banks?” the messy blonde boy beside you asked, and you felt the scowl overtake your face.

“JJ we’ve been in the same class since the first grade, and you’ve been cheating off of me in math the entirety of our school careers,” you rolled your eyes and downed the almost full cup before throwing it to the sand and walking away. JJ stared after you with his brow furrowed, brain trying to connect the dots and reconcile you with one of his many classmates. It wasn’t entirely JJ’s (or the six beers he had consumed)’s fault, one could also blame his tardiness and absences for his lack of recognition. And of course there was the fact that you had let Pen dress you up, slap some light makeup on your eyes and curl your hair. Ordinarily the only products you bothered with were sunscreen and lip chap and you couldn’t remember the last time you’d worn anything other than a baggy t-shirt over ripped denim. So maybe you should have given the blonde some slack. 

Or not. “Y/n?” Pope asked confusedly as you stormed past him. The two of you weren’t friends, not exactly anyway, but you were both on the math team and that leant itself to a certain amount of camaraderie. At the very least, Pope remembered your name and that was more than his best friend could say. He reached out with a hand to lightly grasp your bicep, pulling you back towards him and scanning your face to see if he could figure out what was going on. “You okay?”

“Never better,” you bit back, feeling bad instantly. “Sorry Pope, your friend is just kind of an idiot.”

“What did John B do now?” Pope sighed. John B hadn’t had a lot of luck in the ladies department lately and Pope was worried about what his latest gaffe had been. Judging by the look on your face it was bad, like call you by the wrong girl’s name bad. 

“Not Routledge,” you rolled your eyes before continuing, “JJ. It doesn’t matter, Pen ditched me and I'm going home.”

Pope let you go this time, turning toward the aforementioned blond who was slowly making his way over to him. 

“Who was that?” JJ asked with narrowed, red rimmed eyes. Pope laughed out loud, knowing his best friend was about to be incredibly mad at himself. 

“How high are you? The girl you just offended was y/n,” Pope told him, causing JJ’s wide eyes to widen even further 

“Wait, y/n y/l/n? The girl of my dreams y/n y/l/n?” JJ smacked his own forehead in frustration. So that’s why you had looked so familiar. He had never seen you look so put together, and he had definitely never seen you at a kegger or under the influence of any substance before. When Pope nodded, JJ patted him on the shoulder before rushing after your retreating frame. 

He called your first name, watched as you stopped walking and stood in the sand with your back facing him. “I’m sorry, let me make it up to you.”

You turned to look at him, resting your hands on your hips. “High schools over JJ, you don’t have to pretend to be nice to me so that I’ll keep letting you cheat off me in trig.” 

“That’s not-“ he paused, eyes downcast before they flicked up to look at you. You took note of his slightly dilated pupils, the way they were rimmed with red and recognized he was under the influence of something. Gathering courage, he quickly spit out “go on a date with me.”

“I-“ you sighed deeply, eyes rolling up toward the night sky as you contemplated his offer, “you know what? Fine, one date. You better knock it outta the park and blow me away cause it’s your only shot.” You began walking away, back turned to him so he couldn’t see the small grin on your face or the way your hands shook a little. Every girl with two eyes and a heartbeat had to admit to at least a tiny crush on the reckless boy, and you had both of those things. To be asked out on a date by him made you feel special, but he didn’t need to know that. 

“Not that I need it, but you don’t believe in second chances?” he shouted at your retreating back. Without missing a beat you turned to look at him over your shoulder, “this is your second chance bud.”

A few days later had you sitting in shock and disbelief as JJ Maybank admitted his years long crush on you. 

You laughed so hard that you almost snorted, stifling the instinct with both of your hands before the sound could betray you. “You’re trying to tell me you’ve had a crush on me since we were kids? And you couldn’t recognize me because of a little bit of eyeliner?” you asked skeptically, brows raised at the boy who sat beside you on the blanket in the sand. 

“Not my finest moment,” he admitted, grabbing a grape and tossing it in the air before attempting to catch it in his mouth. It bounced off his nose and rolled into the sand, causing you to giggle. He brightened up considerably with the knowledge that he had been able to make you laugh, even if it was with his stupid antics. 

“So, your idea of flirting was what? Copying my test answers and never actually speaking to me?” You laughed at the look of indignation on his face. “You’ve got no game, bud.”

“I’ll have you know I have plenty of game, you should hear what the tourons-“ he began to brag, stopping only when you threw yourself at him, covering his mouth with your hands as you had done to yourself only moments earlier. It was only when he shrugged that you pulled back from

his personal space. 

“Pro tip for Mr ‘plenty of game’, girls don’t like to hear about other girls on first dates. Especially not girls you’ve...” you fake coughed and raised your eyebrows hoping he would get the meaning. 

“Right, sorry. You just make me nervous.” He admitted, rolling his pink lips into his mouth briefly. 

“What, why?” you asked, sitting up on your knees and tucking your hair behind your ears. 

“Are you kidding? You’re smokin’ hot and really smart. Like maybe even smarter than Pope smart,” he paused, “don’t tell him I said that.”

You laughed again, face hot from the compliment as you mimed zipping your lips, “Your secret’s safe with me, I’ll take it to the grave.”

You sat in a comfortable silence, staring at his strong side profile before he turned to you, eyes darting down to look at your lips. “Can I kiss you?” he asked, lip darting out to lick at his bottom lip. 

“Depends,” you giggled, sitting up further and wrapping your arms around his neck before whispering into his ear, “Do you remember who I am this time?”

He laughed, cheeks reddening as he returned your whisper, “I could never forget you y/n y/l/n.” 

“You better not, bud,” you replied, grinning up at him before you captured his lips with yours, eyes fluttering shut as you relaxed in his embrace. 

everything taglist: @velyssaraptor @danicarosaline @copper-boom @x-lulu @prejudic3 @rekrappeter @downbytheouterbanks @ilovejjmaybank @bricksatanakinswindow @jellyfishbeansontoast @sunwardsss @rudyypankow @im-a-stranger-thing @alexa-playafricabytoto @hoodpankow @girlsru1eboysdroo1 @sortagaysortahigh @socialwriter @euphoricmalfoy @anxietyandtacos @diverrdown @stargazingstarkey @rae131415 @rafej-cambanks @stfukie @obxmermaid

[writingblackpink]

If You Leave Now, You Lose Everything (pt. 1)

read pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4

genre: angst (sorry)

word count: 3.5k

pairing: jennie x reader

You and Jennie have been together for two years now. While the relationship has been rocky as of recently, will you find a way to make it work before it's too late?

A/N: Hi! First fic on tumblr let’s goooooo! I hope you enjoy it :) Let me know what you think!

-

Her voice never sounded so cold.

“This can never work.” Her voice came out tired and weak. “We both know it yet we keep going around in these circles and it’s not healthy. For either of us. Sooner or later we were bound to hit a wall.”

Your eyes were filled to the brim with tears that threatened to spill out of your glassy eyes and over and out onto your flushed cheeks. You were standing behind Jennie, maybe ten feet or so, staring at her back facing you. She was holding her bags and was only mere seconds from taking a few steps and walking out your door for the very last time.

Your mind was a mess, but you shook it back and forth as if that would help your thoughts get in formation to help sort this out. You felt paralyzed in your spot; unmoving, barely breathing for fear of being too loud and breaking the deafening silence. You didn’t know what Jennie’s next move was, and for the first time in the two years you both had been together, you were afraid.

The relationship wasn’t all bad. You met Jennie when you were out shopping. You could see someone looking at you out of the corner of your eye as you sifted through some jeans on the rack and looked up just as she averted her gaze and easily jumped back into conversation with her friends, making it seem like it was all an illusion; like you made it up. You caught her doing this a few times while you were in the store, but didn’t think much of it. You knew she was a celebrity, in fact she was on a billboard right outside the store, but pop culture didn’t interest you much so you couldn’t say you were a big fan of her or her group. Not that you didn’t like them, you just didn’t know much about them.

Her group left the store and you finished your shopping uninterrupted. After checking out nearly half an hour later, you left the store with your head down, organizing your wallet in your purse when you heard a voice behind you. Not thinking anything of it, you kept walking until you heard the voice again.

“Hey! Hey, I know you can hear me!” She exclaimed. You briskly turned on your heels and not expecting your sudden movement, Jennie quite literally ran right into you. Catching her in your arms, you couldn’t help but think this felt like a movie scene. You looked down at her for a brief second, getting lost in her eyes. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. You figured the same was happening for her because as soon as you both realized what was happening, you jolted away from each other like you touched something you shouldn’t have.

She averted her eyes when she spoke next.

“I’m so sorry. I..uh...I saw you in the store and wasn’t sure how to approach you so I ended up leaving,” She meets your eyes, unsure, “but I came back when I realized I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to ask a beautiful girl like you out.”

That was the beginning of the relationship you thought was going to last a lifetime. For a while, it really seemed that way.

You and Jennie spent the first year of your relationship in absolute bliss. You were a lawyer and she was an idol, and being from different worlds meant you were both very busy, but you made it work. Not a day went by that you didn’t see Jennie, or at least heard her voice.

Just as the two of you began to talk about moving in together, your law firm offered you a job to start and lead the new branch in New York. After long discussions with Jennie that ended in promises to make the long distance work no matter what, you accepted the position and two weeks later were on a flight to the U.S.

If you would’ve known that would be the beginning of the end, you would’ve never stepped on the flight.

The second year of your relationship was the most tumultuous year of your life. Six months into your move, you could tell Jennie was starting to distance herself. You attributed it to her growing fame and the growing schedule that came with it. You were guilty of it too. With everything that went into starting this branch, you worked many late nights and long weeks and the time zones were much more difficult to sync up for a simple phone call than you had originally imagined it would be; trying to squeeze in ten minute conversations here and there throughout the day just so you could hear her voice on the other end of the line.

You two never even argued until just a few months ago. You had started something with her on a skype call after a few too many glasses of wine and a long stretch of loneliness, and after that night the argument seemed to never end. When she came to visit or you went to visit her, it seemed forced and anyone could see that you both were holding on to the miniscule threads remaining of your relationship.

To make matters worse, because of both of your busy schedules, your visits seemed to get shorter and shorter. What used to be an entire week together slowly morphed into a half of a week together that turned into only weekend visits maybe once a month. There wasn’t enough time to work on your problems even if you realized what they were before it was too late.

Now, here you are in your New York apartment. Another weekend visit gone awry, but you’re becoming increasingly frightened that this might actually be the end this time.

“If you leave now, you lose everything.” You croaked out, voice strangled from the effort of keeping the tears in. It seemed to be a lost cause as they suddenly overflowed down your cheeks and onto the floor.

“You lose us.” You continue when Jennie doesn’t respond. You were hoping that she was searching for the voice inside her that was telling her to stay just a little longer this time.

“Our friendship.” You keep pleading, your voice lowering to barely a whisper. You could hear your own pain seeping through the words.

“We said we’d still be friends if this didn’t work. What happened? What has changed?” This sounded more like a plea to yourself, but Jennie wasn’t sure, so she turned to face you.

It wasn’t a lie. When you started dating Jennie, she promised that even if you guys didn’t work out, that you would still remain close. She claimed you were just too special to not have in her life, either romantically or platonically. You had taken her word for it because you too felt Jennie as being someone too special to just cut out of your life. How things have changed.

She met your eyes and you could see the internal torment splayed out across her features. She was hurting too.

“Honestly?” Her voice softened, barely a whisper. “I had never thought that I would actually fall in love with you.” tears were now brimming her eyes as well. She remained standing by the door, bags in hand, eyes glossy and red.

You couldn’t hold it in any longer, collapsing onto the couch behind you and placing your head in your hands, hoping it would help muffle your sobs. You searched for a reasonable explanation for all of this. You guys could figure this out, right? All of the promises you made to each other had to be for something, right? You couldn’t accept that this is really how it was going to end.

“Why would you promise me-” is all you managed to get out, no longer able to complete a coherent thought in between sobs.

“I’ve never been in love like this before,” she said. Her voice was coming out stronger than before. “I didn’t know how to love another person until I met you. I barely even knew what it actually meant to ‘fall in love’. I can’t go back to being friends with you because nothing will ever be the same.” Tears were falling in tiny trails down her cheeks.

At those words, you quickly shot up from the couch and closed the gap. This time you were the hostile one. You ripped the bags from her hands and tossed them onto the couch behind you.

“Then tell me why we can’t make this work, Jennie. Tell me why you have to go. Tell me why you can’t just stay one more night and we can talk about this in the morning.”

Your pleas were sounding desperate, but you were running out of ways to get her to stay. At this point, you were just trying to slow the inevitable. You wanted to remember what it felt like to have her in your arms just one more night. You knew that as soon as she walked out the door, she’d be gone for good, and this time you wouldn’t have a date for when she’d come back.

You could feel your eyeliner melting off your face with your tears, but it was the least of your worries. You dug your index finger into her chest.

She quickly grabbed your arm and moved it down as she continued.

“I never see you. Even when we plan time to see each other it’s always a month after we last saw each other. An entire month.” She emphasized the last part, looking directly into your eyes, trying to get you to really understand. “My career-both of our careers are really just now starting to take off. If we keep this up we’ll only see each other once every six months.”

You looked down, realizing you were standing with Jennie’s hands in yours, and you watch as a single teardrop falls on them. Just like the day your relationship started, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. You don’t even know who the tear came from at this point, not that it matters anyways. You looked back up with her with sad, pleading eyes.

She continued. “I can’t be friends with you because,” her voice pitched up as the tears became more frequent, “I can’t stand talking to you knowing that I still love you. Knowing that we had something, and now we don’t anymore and there’s nothing we can do about it. It won’t work.”

Her words shot through your veins like ice, and for a brief moment you closed your eyes, hoping that the stinging would go away, or that you would open your eyes again and all of this would be a dream. When you opened them and realized that this was very real, you didn’t have any words to say. Instead you moved your hands up to hold Jennie’s face. You stood like that for a moment before bringing your lips to hers. She returned the soft pressure, but nothing about this kiss felt right. Not after all the words you had just exchanged. Not after thousands of warm, passionate kisses you had shared in the past two years. It was forced, but it brought you some more time to process everything that was going on.

Jennie pulled away first. She used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe the tears from your face, and walked past you to retrieve her bags that had long been forgotten.

“Um, I’ll, uh, call you when I get home.” She said. Her voice was low. You stood paralyzed in place again. There was some metal clinking behind you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to turn towards the sound. She walked up to you, facing you, but you kept your gaze at the wall just over her shoulder. She took your hand to open up your palm, place something in it, and close your fingers over the hard metal. You didn’t even have to look to know what it was.

Jennie turned to leave, looking over her shoulder one last time before closing the door. Your gaze moved to the door as she closed it, and shortly after you opened your palm to see Jennie’s key to your apartment laying between your cold fingers.

You couldn’t remember how long you stood there before your limbs collapsed onto the hardwood floor. There was no strength in your body to pull you towards the couch that sat just a few feet away from you.

It was sometime in the middle of the night before you felt your eyelids flutter and sleep overtake you on the cold ground. Your phone laid on the ground near your head, waiting for her call. Maybe once you both had time to think about this you could figure it out.

Your brain rattled with ideas on how to make the relationship work, but you couldn’t tell if they were good or not in your current state, so you slept.

[051093]

longing | v

wc: 2852

pairing: jihyun “v” kim x reader

genre: canon compliant, angst w/ an actual happy ending bc the game’s version wasn’t enough for me, reunions! yay, platonic jumin x reader

description: it’s been two years since you last saw v, but he reappears where you least expect it — at the r.f.a. party. and his feelings haven’t changed. not one bit.

my masterlist.

The party is so full of love and light that you can’t help but go the entire night with the biggest smile on your face.

Initially, you were nervous, and so were the other members. Two years ago was the catastrophe with Rika; it’d taken so long for the group to heal, and you weren’t sure if they were emotionally recovered enough to hold a successful party.

But everyone did their part as diligently as they could, from Jumin using his massive network to publicize the fundraiser, Luciel layering the building and guest information with cybersecurity, and Jaehee’s decorations and catering and other party logistics. Yoosung and Zen’s moral support and guest suggestions gave you plenty of work to do as well. As a result of your combined efforts, the party is positively glistening on this beautiful night, containing a record-breaking number of guests and an atmosphere filled with camaraderie.

You’re so busy that you seem to be in three different places at once, but you don’t mind. This is the happiest you and the members have been in a while. You can feel it, and you love it.

When you finally get the chance to catch your breath, you come across a group of five familiar figures standing together near the stage, and you beam at the sight of them.

“Hey, you guys!” You call, heading towards them.

They turn and smile at the sight of you. “Hey, you,” Zen says warmly, draping a fond arm over your shoulder. “I feel like I haven’t seen you all night. How’re things going?”

“Great,” you return with a relieved sigh. “It’s an amazing party. Everyone seems so happy.”

“All thanks to you!” Yoosung chirps. “You invited so many great guests.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Luciel so happy,” Jaehee says with an exasperated smile. “Although I can’t help but continue to qustion whether or not longcat’s upbringing was ethical.”

“Of course it was!” Seven assures with a bright grin. “I would never condone animal abuse.”

“Questionable,” Jumin mutters into his champagne.

“Hey, hey, we’re getting off topic,” Yoosung cuts in. “We were giving Y/N our congratulations for putting the party together.”

A chorus of gratitude ensues. You laugh, embarrassed. “Ah, I only did my job.”

“Humble as always,” Zen tsks. “Take more pride for an accomplishment like this, babe.”

“I am proud! But I can’t possibly take all the credit,” you say, smiling. “We couldn’t have done it without each other.”

“That’s right.” Jumin tips his champagne glass your way. “Congratulations, Y/N. And congratulations to all of us as well.”

“Congratulations to all of us,” Zen repeats, holding up his glass. “First and last time I’ll ever quote that pompous ass.”

Six glasses clink merrily. Amiable conversation continues for a few minutes before Yoosung nearly drops his champagne in remembering that he left an entire table undecorated. He and Saeyoung hurry off to handle it. Zen later spots a group of women in the corner practically drooling over him and makes a flamboyant stroll their way, charm in full force. Jumin receives word that his father’s arrived, and Jaehee nearly sprints to meet the chairman at the door — but Jumin lingers behind after she’s gone.

“Y/N.” He turns to you with a thoughtful gaze. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

The expression on his face says it all. You can’t help but sigh. “I think I already know what it is.”

He chuckles. “I apologize. It feels like I’m nagging. I’m just worrying about you, you know that.”

You do know that, and it’s been that way for all of the last two years. Jumin and you formed a close bond after V left, and you’ve leaned on him for everything from advice to support or just a listening ear. You found solace in his wisdom and honesty, and V’s departure would’ve been all the more painful to you if Jumin hadn’t been around.

“Go on, then,” you say.

“Exactly two years ago today, the first party you organized was cancelled because of V’s injury. Anniversaries tend to bring back memories, wanted or not,” Jumin says. “You seem to be doing well tonight, but you also hide your feelings quite well. So, if the truth is different from how it looks…tell me.”

You fall silent, thinking.

Every time you close your eyes, the ghost of V’s face is painted against the inside of your eyelids, his warm smile, kind eyes, loving gaze and all, and there’s no denying the poignant sadness that’s existed within you since he left. You miss him; your worry grows more and more every day not knowing when he’ll come back, if ever.

But, at the same time, you’ve been met with so much support from the RFA that you’ve been able to fall back into routine. You’ve learned to coexist with the emptiness that V left behind. You’ve found it in you to smile again.

You don’t verbalize any of this to Jumin, but you know he already knows.

“It is how it looks,” you say, a small smile appearing on your face. “I’m doing well.”

His voice softens. “You’re sure?”

You meet his eyes steadily. “I’m sure.”

“Good.” He straightens, satisfied. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“Thank you for checking on me, though.” You reach over to touch his hand. “Thank you for everything, Jumin.”

“On the first day you entered our chatroom, I had an inkling that you had a strong resolve and an even stronger heart. You’ve done nothing but prove me right since.” Jumin gives your hand a reassuring squeeze. “So I should be thanking you, Y/N. For your will power and friendship.”

The two of you exchange smiles before Jumin glances at the entrance. “I should go greet my father.”

“Yes, of course.”

“You’ll be okay on your own?” He gives you a nod of farewell. “Right, then. I’ll see you later.”

He strides into the crowd, and you’re alone once again.

You meant what you told Jumin about being okay. Nevertheless, the conversation leaves you in a bit of a weird mood, and you want to get some space from the crowd. You remember that Jaehee mentioned a storage room behind the stage and make your way towards it.

. . . .

Jumin is about to respond to something his father said when an unfamiliar man steps through the door.

The stranger has cream-colored hair, striking mint eyes, a baby pink suit, lanky proportions. He’s unlike anyone Jumin’s ever seen, but familiar in ways he can’t lay a finger on, as if he’s met a different version of him. The stranger looks around nervously, then turns to speak to a second man who follows him in shortly after — and Jumin’s eyes widen.

This second man he knows.

This second man he knows better than anyone.

“Father,” he says, cutting off the older man in the middle of his sentence. “I — there’s something urgent I must tend to.”

Jumin sees Jaehee’s concerned expression from the corner of his eye. “Assistant Kang, introduce my father to the owner of the winery, if you will. I remember my father saying he was interested in purchasing a vineyard.”

“Yes, Mr. Han,” Jaehee says. Jumin knows Jaehee doesn’t like being alone with his father, but desperate measures. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes.” Jumin looks away without giving them a second glance. “Forgive me.”

He can’t take his eyes off the man as he walks towards him. Same unmistakable aqua hair, same tall frame and lean build, same air of elegance.

Something comes undone inside him when he realizes that his best friend is back, something he didn’t realize had been coiled up all this time. He lets out a shuddering breath. His Adam’s apple trembles.

Jumin doesn’t say a word, just clasps a hand to the taller man’s shoulder. Striking, colorful eyes meet his.

“V,” he says. “It’s about damn time.”

V smiles at the sight of him. “Jumin. It’s wonderful to see you again.”

“And you,” Jumin returns, his hand dropping back to his side. “It’s been exactly two years. You always were timely.”

“You’ve been keeping track.”

“I’m not the only one.”

The effect his words have on V is immediate: his face changes, his eyes taking on something Jumin can only describe as longing. He knows only because the same look appeared on your face when he asked you about V.

Two years, Jumin realizes, and neither of your feelings have budged an inch. Two years, and you and V still yearn for each other like it’s still day one.

It took his friend a hell of a lot of pain and loss to get here, but he’s finally found love. Not the kind that’s all-consuming and toxic but radiant and happy, the kind you both deserve. The kind you both have.

“She did all this?” V asks, looking over his shoulder towards the main hall.

Jumin nods, then follows his gaze. It was your idea to ask the art organization you invited to help you rent out a museum for the night, and the result is magnificent. Glimmering. Grandiose. Everything that the members could’ve dreamed the RFA party to become. And it really was all thanks to you.

“I last saw her near the stage,” he says, sparing V the trouble of asking. “She won’t have wandered far.”

A few moments of silence pass. V looks for something to say, anything that could accurately convey everything he’s feeling. He settles with drawing Jumin in for a tight embrace.

That says more than any words could.

They part. V turns and steps into the crowd, a head of mint hair walking through the throng of partygoers.

After his friend has left, Jumin turns to the weirdly familiar younger boy with the odd hair and anxious face.

“And who are you?”

. . . .

The “storage room” turns out to be an intricately decorated space with a dazzling chandelier hanging from the ceiling. It looks looks a ballroom more than a closet, but it’s stacked high with boxes and the air smells of dust when you walk in. Though you’re disappointed the room wasn’t put to use for the party, you’re glad you can use its emptiness to gather your thoughts.

For the thousandth time, you find yourself looking back how things were two years ago — how you and V met. Eleven days was all the two of you had, eleven days of chaos and danger and confusion, but just that short period alone was enough. He fell for your unmoving kindness and care towards him, and his consideration and sincerity rendered you deeply infatuated with him in return.

But you found a love that couldn’t yet take flight, one that consisted of things you left unsaid and emotions you swept under the rug. Neither of you were ready. The situation was far too volatile.

Sometimes, you find yourself wondering if there really was anything there. Maybe the two of you just latched onto each other because the circumstances forced your hands. Maybe it was never love, just dependence.

Then, you remember the way his entire demeanor softened when he looked at you, the tenderness in his voice whenever he said your name, the feelings of his arms around you, secure, safe. You remember the sparks and the unspoken yearning that crackled whenever you were in his proximity. You remember his promise that he’d return to you. That he’d love again. And it’s due to this collection of memories you still have faith in what you once had.

“V,” you say with a sad smile. “I hope you’re somewhere safe and sound. And I hope you’re learning to love yourself little by little, wherever you are.

“Take all the time you need. Just…come back to me when you’re ready, okay?”

Silence.

“I’ll be waiting,” you finish weakly.

The room is now heavy and melancholy. You take a deep breath, trying to get a hold of yourself.

Behind you, there’s the sound of cloth shifting against cloth.

Shit! You nearly jump out of your skin. Did someone come in? The room wasn’t empty? Your face flushes crimson at the idea of one of the members or, worse, one of the party guests overhearing your dramatic soliloquy. Someone walks towards you, slow footsteps gradually getting louder. Zen? Jumin? They both walk with that slow saunter. You squeeze your eyes shut in an embarrassed flinch, your mouth opening to say something —

“You won’t need to anymore,” the stranger says.

You’re ripped from present day and brought back to two years ago. Your mind floods with memories you weren’t prepared to relive, all triggered by that achingly familiar voice.

You turn around, your breath hitched in your throat.

So many little things about him have changed. His hair is a few shades paler than before, the sunlight bleaching his his locks from his previous turquoise to a pale periwinkle; the definition of his jawline has sharpened from two years of travel; he wears a beige overcoat and a collared white shirt, an outfit that’s usually too formal for his liking.

Most notably, however, you notice that his entire aura is different.

You see none of the anguish and burden that used to fill his stare. Instead, there’s something you can only describe as radiance , so pure and warm that it reminds you of the morning sun’s rays spilling through a cracked window. Of holding frozen hands close to a crackling campfire. He’s the same in many ways, but brighter and calmer, more confident in his own skin.

Whatever he left to accomplish, he succeeded.

He comes closer, taking tentative steps until you can smell his familiar cologne; you’ve forgotten tall he is, and you have to lift your chin to maintain eye contact. The toes of his dress shoes touch the tips of your kitten heels.

“You’re back,” you whisper.

He nods. “I am.”

There are so many things you want to say to him, but you can’t think of a single one right now. It’s like his presence is driving you into sensory overload, and you’re only acutely aware of the rate at which your heart hammers against your ribcage, so loudly you swear he’s close enough to hear it. The two of you spend a few moments standing in silence, taking in the sight and sound of each other without a word.

Then, unable to stand it any longer, you move towards him. The last thing V hears is your sigh of relief against the shell of his ear before you wrap your arms around his neck.

The first time you hugged him, he’d stood in shocked silence, his arms staying frozen by his side. At the time, he was unable to accept his affections for you when Rika was still so prominent in his heart and mind.

But he readily holds you now, his arms circling around your waist, pulling you close with so much fervor that it feels more like a promise than a hug.

You stay entwined for as long as you see fit and then pull away, but V doesn’t let you go far; he hooks a slender finger beneath your chin and leans in close, finally lowering his mouth to yours.

It’s a wonderful blur that you barely remember. The pressure of his lips on your own causes your back to dip slightly, but he’s quick to steady you with an hand against the small of your back. He kisses you gently, deeply, as if the ground’s disappeared beneath his feet and you’re the only thing keeping him afloat; his knuckles turn pale where he grips your waist and your jaw, his lips flushed pink where they touch yours. You bring your hands to the sides of his neck, rising up on your tippy toes, thinking to yourself, this is entirely worth the wait.

Your pulse continues to pound a dizzying rhythm long after his lips have left yours. He nuzzles his forehead against your own, his lashes splayed softly against your skin.

“You have completely,” he says, “completely enamored me, Y/N. I’ve fallen for your kindness and purity, your stability and courage — I’ve fallen for you. And I’m so sorry that it took me this long to realize it.

“Even when I was thousands of miles away, you were with me. I heard your voice in the wind. I saw your face when I closed my eyes. I dreamt of you when I fell asleep.” His eyes swim. “I’ve longed for you for as long as I’ve known you, all two years and eleven days.”

You don’t even notice you’re crying until he brushes your tears away with caring hands.

“I love you, my angel. I’ve missed you so much.” His fingers tremble, but his voice remains steady. “And I’m ready to spend the rest of my life proving it to you, if only you’ll let me.”

You taste salt on your tongue where his tears have fallen, but you don’t care, tangling a hand in his hair and kissing him until he knows your answer.

Yes, yes, yes.

[angeltrapz]

SAW ASK!!!!!! 💞 n ee wayz as far as Eric/Adam goes i wld love to hear yr thoughts on how their relationship looks @ th very beginning when Eric still v v fresh in his recovery (obvs we’ve talked a lil abt this both but expandin on stuff), n also u mentioned Eric knowing how to bake (at least some things) n id LOVE to hear more abt that!! also for a general SAW polycule question, just bc it’s a dynamic i don’t think either of us have rlly touched on, thoughts on William + Mallick?

SAW ASK!!! (tysm!! <3)

okay so Eric/Adam:

I rly like th idea u had where they meet at one of Bobby’s groups (also throwing in tht I think abt Group Therapy All The Time) bc like. neither of them want to be there, neither of them rly have much in common w any other survivors, n neither of them can stand Bobby Dagen. so tht’s still like, th foundation fr how these 2 meet to me lol. the idea of them listening 2 him talk while rolling their eyes at each other n fake gagging is So Good.

I feel like Adam is just... rly open? w Eric? bc god does he understand how fucking hard it is 2 be around ppl after smth like that - maybe not to the same extent (though they DO have tht solidarity), but like. there’s only so many times u can hear “I’m so sorry tht happened/I can only imagine what u went thru” b4 yr ready 2 just tell ppl to shut the fuck up. so like, on Eric’s side of things, not getting tht frm Adam? not hearing the whole “I’m rly sorry u almost lost yr son and were locked up fr six months”? tht’s foreign territory ENTIRELY 2 him. sorry is all anyone has to say, even other survivors. Adam not saying sorry n instead being like “well I’m glad yr still around” is kind of what makes tht decision in Eric’s head like, yes, I think I want 2 get to know this dude. He Gets It.

n Adam is just patient too. letting Eric come 2 him, making sure he knows he’s there, tht sorta thing, bc regardless of how much he likes Adam, being around ppl again is not smth he can just jump into. it’s a wound tht is still raw n open n aching n he needs to treat it w care instead of rubbing salt in. n Eric half expects tht to turn Adam away, esp when he sometimes goes a day w no communication, but it doesn’t n he’s just sorta like ??? bc Eric never rly... saw some1 making tht kind of accommodation fr him, never expected some1 to understand it. tht’s another region I feel they’re very similar in - contact, sometimes, can b very very hard, even over text. if they don’t speak all day, tht’s okay - they send each other “i’m okay” texts n th other person responds w “good” n tht’s fine. Adam provides compromises when Eric never even knew tht was a possibility. it’s good.

things progress kinda slowly but not in a bad way. they’re just kind of getting used 2 each other - both of them have been alone fr so long, having some1 in their lives tht they give a shit abt n who gives a shit abt them is smth they’re both navigating. fr Eric, it’s being around some1 consistently after his trap. fr Adam, it’s actually having a friend who doesn’t make him feel like shit + having some1 he can definitively say is there. sometimes its easier 2 sit in comfortable silence than it is to force a convo neither of thm rly have the energy fr. sometimes just being in a room together is enough. tht’s smth they both notice - tht it’s like. they find it easy 2 be around each other. which is SO foreign to both of thm so they’re just kinda feelin it out?

n again like u’ve written b4, I also feel one of th turning points is when Eric calls Adam abt his hair + Adam shaves it fr him in his bathroom. tht’s th point where they’re both like “oh, I rly care abt this person.” bc it’s three in th fucking morning, Adam didn’t even have 2 pick up his phone or even answer when he saw it was Eric. but he did, bc he cares, bc he wants to help, n Adam’s just kinda freaking out internally too bc it’s been a looong time since he’s felt tht way abt some1 - he just wants Eric 2 be okay. n it’s then tht he’s kinda like, coming 2 terms w th fact that he truly cares abt someone who he can say without a doubt cares abt him too and it’s just like. oof. ESP when Eric sleeps over bc again, it’s early as fuck, and isn’t it so much easier 2 just have him stay? isn’t it easier fr Adam to make space fr Eric in his bed n home n heart? n Eric actually doesn’t tell Adam abt this later, but tht night he sleeps over after Adam shaves his hair? it’s th best he’s slept in fucking weeks.

I feel like after tht they’re a LOT more comfortable w each other - not tht they weren’t b4; I mean in th sense tht when they’re not doing too great, they’ll reach out 2 each other rather than bottling it up n dealing w it alone. Adam comes over w CDs he likes bc he can’t talk abt it but he doesn’t want 2 be by himself n they sit in Eric’s living room together in comfortable silence. sometimes Eric sings 2 him. they both find tht it helps. Eric becomes more accustomed 2 accepting help when he knows he needs it + Adam offers - dimming th lights n staying close by to keep him frm getting another migraine, having th TV on but w the sound down low enough tht it doesn’t feel like some1′s hitting him over th head w too-loud dialogue, getting things fr him on th days tht his nerve pain flares up n he’s mostly confined 2 his bed. they’re there fr each other. this is what friendship looks like fr them, two Jigsaw survivors who understand each other better than any1 else ever could.

another huge step fr them is like, th first time Adam offers 2 help w Eric’s rashes. I feel like, even as they grow closer, tht’s still not smth he’s vocal abt/comfortable showing often, something he’s ashamed of bc he feels like it’s gross n he doesn’t want 2 like. make Adam deal w that. but like during one of their sleepovers where Adam cuts his hair fr him n Eric’s got his shirt off he just. grabs the ointment he knows Eric keeps in th cabinet above the sink n while Eric’s still sitting w his back to him, he wordlessly begins tending 2 the rash spread along Eric’s shoulders n his neck n back, n Eric just. freezes. Adam doesn’t say anything, just does it fr him, n Eric kinda. Breaks Down a lil bit. like he just starts silently sobbing bc Adam doesn’t have 2 do this. he doesn’t have to help him w one of th things Eric hates most abt his own body. he could think it’s Gross. but he doesn’t think it’s gross n he doesn’t mind touching it and he’s so gentle when applying the ointment n then when he’s done he just kind of leans against Eric’s back bc He Knows. he reaches around front n grabs one of Eric’s hands n just sits there w him while he cries it out, holding his hand 2 say I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere, n that is MAJOR fr Eric. and honestly? tht’s kind of th first time he Rly becomes aware of “oh fuck I love him.” (Adam too, ngl)

basically, the way it starts is a shared experience, smth no one else can rly say they have, an understanding based on tht shared experience. giving each other space until they begin inviting each other in. care, patience, “I’m here.” re-learning th feeling of mutual concern. somewhere along th way, it turns into love, and somehow falling into tht is just as easy.

-

Eric + baking:

YES I love this hc!! this is smth he picked up during his time btwn jobs during th earlier stages of recovery (but After meeting Adam/connecting w Art) bc he needed smth to do n was just sorta like, “well I guess this works huh?” n like. it was def a learning curve bc Eric can cook, relatively well/at least okay, but baking is a entirely different matter. at frst he was kinda discouraged when things didn’t turn out th way he hoped they would, but w gentle guidance on Art’s side n enthusiastic encouragement frm Adam, he stuck w it n has gotten pretty good as a result!! his fave things 2 make r peanut butter cookies (he does a little design on th top w a fork n both Adam + Art r like Oh My God That’s Adorable) + th aforementioned carrot cake cupcakes!! frosting is usually homemade n it’s usually cream cheese! he makes his own frosting fr cakes n stuff too (Constantly has 2 tell Adam to “keep yr hands off of th frosting/batter/dough! we’re not gonna have any left!!!” even tho tht Doesn’t stop him).

he makes rly good banana bread too! tht one was a lil harder 2 learn but he’s honestly pretty proud of it now. it’s so funny bc Adam typically doesn’t like stuff like tht but if Eric made it? oh it’s Amazing. (he’s like tht w Art’s cooking too kjdfhjs partially bc he is a Disaster in th kitchen, but also bc That’s His BF/Best Friend!!!)

if some1 is feeling particularly shitty he takes requests (Adam usually wants brownies + Art is partial 2 peanut butter cookies but w chocolate chips too) n it’s just a nice lil thing he can do 2 help, which is smth he Always wants to do. he also stress bakes tho so sometimes his bfs have 2 just kinda like check in n make sure he’s doing okay. but! yeah baking is smth he enjoys + is relatively good at!!

-

William/Mallick dynamic:

yr right I haven’t thought abt this dynamic much but I Am Now!!!

I feel like at his core, William is def a caretaker. Mallick, 2 me, is someone who is just wholly unfamiliar w being cared for. so like, at the Very Least, they’re both dating Adam + Lawrence, right? they spend a lot of time around each other. plenty enough time fr William 2 pick up on this. it just kinda. makes his heart hurt, bc he sees the unease in Mallick’s eyes every time one of thm performs even th smallest acts of kindness fr him - not bc he doesn’t appreciate it/doesn’t want it, but because it’s more that he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. n William Sees That and is just like. I Need U To Know You’re Loved.

they’re comfortable w each other, of course they are! they’re friends, good friends, who happen 2 be dating th same people! who go to bed together at night n wake up w each other in th morning. it’s love, they know tht, but Mallick still always looks so surprised when William makes waffles fr him fr breakfast. William cares.

n Mallick can kinda feel it, and he’s not resistant 2 it, but he’s definitely on edge abt it a little. but William also just has this air abt him that Mallick finds it hard to stay keyed up in, so it doesn’t rly take long fr Mallick to at least be at peace w William’s attention. but the moment he starts to really fathom it is during one of those days he can’t get himself 2 relax n is just shaking out on the couch, knees drawn up to his chest n his arm wrapped around thm, just kinda staring down at th carpet n just Not having the energy to get himself out of his own head. Lawrence + Adam r at work n Eric is taking a quick nap so it’s just Mallick n William.

so Mallick is sitting there spiraling n his breaths r coming out a little fast n William just sits down beside him, a mug of warm tea tht he sets down on th coffee table fr a moment, n he just rests a hand on Mallick’s shoulder. doesn’t say anything, just sort of like. offers tht bridge, opens tht avenue. n Mallick is like This Close to just breaking entirely, but what rly does it is when William just swipes his thumb over his shoulder n squeezes. n Mallick rly DOES break down, almost ugly-sobbing and wheezing, n somehow he ends up w his face in William’s neck, pretty much curled into his side, n tht’s when it truly hits him how much William cares abt him too. tht there are Several People who hold tht kind of room fr him in their hearts n lives. William didn’t even have 2 say anything fr Mallick to understand that, to know it as truth. n tht’s like, one of th events tht actually leads Mallick to building up tht self-esteem, knowing that.

n after tht happens, Mallick is a little less reluctant abt accepting William’s (+ everyone else’s!) help, at least some of the time. like Mallick will catch himself digging his fingers a lil too harshly into th stump of his arm (I’m w u on 10 Pints resulting in at least a partial amputation - like what was tht little scar in 3D???) n then he’ll feel William’s hand cover his n gently curl around his palm 2 be like “I’m not gonna say anything, but I see you, it’s okay,” n his grip relaxes. Eric will notice he’s working himself up too much n he’ll reach out n take one of his hands while he’s pacing + laces their fingers together so tht Mallick has to pause a moment n then he’s able to breathe. Lawrence stumbles across him in th midst of a panic attack n Mallick finds himself breathing easier when Lawrence takes one of his hands, places it over his chest + his heart, n breathes w him. Adam holds him when he jolts awake frm a nightmare. lil things like tht.

one of their fave things to help them both de-stress is they’ll lay in bed n William will read out loud to Mallick, who has his head on his chest n is listening but doesn’t have to put too much energy into keeping up, bc it’s mostly abt being close + having smth to fill the silence tht neither of them feel particularly comfortable in anymore. sometimes Mallick falls asleep n it honestly makes William rly happy bc not only is Mallick relaxed enough to actually close his eyes, he also trusts William enough to fall asleep around him, trusts him during a time he’s at his most vulnerable. it’s not uncommon fr Lawrence to get home frm work to find th two of them curled up against th pillows, sometimes both asleep or just Mallick while William continues reading silently and brushes his fingers thru Mallick’s hair. Adam def has a pic of them like tht somewhere, hung up on th cork board Art had bought specifically fr those kinds of photos. it’s smth easy tht doesn’t really require much energy + has the added bonus of just being close to n held by someone u love n who loves u.

and they help each other. sometimes William has a rly hard time looking at himself, the days where his guilt sits heavy in his chest n doesn’t seem 2 want to anywhere, n Mallick will just sit w him outside on th porch swing and just Be There bc it’s like. “I’m here, I want to b here, Jigsaw was wrong, you are not a terrible person, u did what u could w what u had and I love you,” in a single action. I think William also struggles, like u’ve mentioned tht Eric does, w th guilt of what happened + feeling like it was his fault. so Mallick sitting w him, their shoulders brushing, fr William it’s like, if he was truly as awful a person as John seemed 2 think he was, wld Mallick be this close? wld Mallick willingly lay down beside him some nights n kiss him good morning? wld he kiss him again on th cheek after he makes a fresh pot of coffee + pancakes? n William knows tht Mallick wouldn’t keep himself so close if John was right, so it’s like. proof of tht. n tht means a lot to William. sometimes tht’s all he needs.

they don’t have 2 deal w their struggles alone. they’re both surrounded by ppl who love them n want to see them do well - it’s only natural they feel tht way abt each other, too.

[lucindarobinsonvevo]

Good News This Week for Fans Of Eerie, Indiana Who Just This Week Put Out Their Long Time Unreleased Album ‘Broken Record’  

“We had no idea we were making a controversial record when we made it.” Band member Simon Holmes said this week, in an interview about the release of Broken Record, “I was just writing about my experiences. I guess my life was controversial.”  “I always felt like Simon never got enough recognition.” Admits the band’s front man Marshall Teller, “So when we made Broken Record I told promotion that it had to be equal this time, not like the mess that was promotion for JSNTF. When they decided not to put the album out, it felt like the label was just twisting the knife.” (note: JSNTF is Just Say Not To Fun was the band’s previous release) “Of course, then we had to throw something together from cut tracks and other bits we had lying around. I was never happy with the quality of America’s Scariest Home Videos. 

Broken Record was mostly forgotten for two decades before the band’s third member and later addition to the band, Dash X, was asked about it on an Instagram Q&A (of all things) when responding to a question from a long time fan he revealed that the band’s entire back catalouge had been destroyed by the label in an ‘accident’ and chances of release were ‘minimal’ unless ‘the bastards who keep leaking our tracks want to give us a copy’. Indeed, hard core Eerie, Indiana fans will know that various tracks from Broken Record have been making their way through fan groups for the last two decades since the initial recording. How they got there is difficult to say, though some sources claim that ‘Weird Kids’, ‘Tension’ and ‘Bigfoot is Real’ were all set to be singles and sent out to radio stations, and others claim to have taken them straight from work tapes of the record. One enterprising fan claims to have traded rare Taylor Swift tracks to someone who gave them a copy of ‘Ousted’, which they then shared on Periscope. 

Of course, how this release came about is as strange a story as one might expect from a band who released a concept album about being hypnotized into hating fun. Long time collaborate of the band, Janet Donner was apparently looking for pictures of her girlfriend and band mate Melanie Monroe (Both were considered part of the Indiana Six) in her storage locker with Teller when they came across a box marked ‘Marshall’s Junk’ inside was a variety of old ‘memorabilia’ from the era where all six projects were active at once. Among the junk was an old work tape of the first time the group recorded the album’s centerpiece ‘MMNH’, sheet music for several other tracks, and a large binder promotional material, lyrics and old photographs. Seeing that they now had the last remaining copy of any track off the album the band decided to get together and re-record it as a special gift to their fans. ‘Janet is a bit of a character. She hates to throw away anything to do with work, but she’s utterly ruthless when it comes to her personal life. She’s got three storage containers full of junk, and a house where she won’t even hang up artwork.  We used to tease her, but I guess it paid off in the end.” Teller said of the find

But what of the album itself? Well, the overall sound is like no other Eerie, Indiana album that’s for sure. Despite all their changes and use of multiple genres, one thing always held every E,I record together and that was Teller’s skillful guitar playing. Complicated riffs, long solos and difficult to reproduce life performances were a staple of the group, but almost utterly absent on this record, but not gone entirely from the tracks meant to be released as singles where the pop flavouring the band usually has remains undiluted. 

The most stand out track on the record is MMNH, which is sung by both Teller and Janet Donner, who take on the role of a dysfunctional couple arguing over the top of a beautiful piano track. The liner notes say that this fight is based on the arguments of Holmes’s parents and the personal digs that they take at one another are extremely niche and telling of that. While there are certainly no lack of tracks were Teller takes an emotional, confrontational stance with his singing, here it sounds much more refined and serious than he did at the time this album was originally recorded. Donner takes her voice an octave higher than her usual singing, and comes across as loud, and shrewd, at one point breaking down into tears while still singing. Conversely, Teller only gets louder, and angrier as the song progresses to a peak around the seven minute mark where his voice cracks, he stops and Donner sobbing is the only sound on the tape for minute afterwards. It’s an uncomfortable listen, to say the least, but the performances are perhaps some of the best in the career of both singers. The worktape version of the song is five minutes longer and very clearly an extremely early pass. Throughout the recording, someone, probably Donner, is wearing very loud, jangling jewelry. There are several long pauses on the track of Holmes at his piano, contributing a rare vocal performance of background vocals, which were cut from the final track. At the end, you can hear Holmes say cut, and Teller comforting Donner, who insists she’s fine just emotional. The track is experimental and clearly emotionally taxing, just like the rest of the album. While I wouldn’t have put it so close to the other most emotional track on the album, Broken Record, it’s certainly a one of a kind experience. 

Broken Record, the tile track, is also an extremely emotional track, but personally I think would have qualified the album and the track for grammys. The track is written and played solely by Holmes, the only track of it’s kind in the entire Eerie, Indiana cataloge that was released, though there are rumors that there were more Holmes led tracks that he personally refused to release due to dissatisfaction with his singing voice. The track is a ballad, performed with a guitar, and is essentially a letter to Holmes’s brother, Harley. He sings through the run time, apologizing for not being able to not protect him enough. In the gentle climax of the song, he professes to feeling like a broken record, apologizing and apologizing and feeling like he’ll never say it enough. This track too is a deeply emotional listen, and extremely sad. At the time the song was written, Harley Holmes was in a military academy after getting into to much trouble in the small home town of the bands two founding members. Truly, Holmes has a nice singing voice, but it’s imperfections make the track all the more compelling in my opinion. Thankfully, one quick look at his Instagram account shows that his relationship with his brother seems to be a happy one. The leaked version of the track is not notedly different to the released version, other than it’s remarkably low quality (probably from years of being traded as an MP3 through various fan emails), and sounds far sadder than the version released now that Holmes’s relationship with his brother is doing better. 

Of course, the track-list is not devoid of the usual Teller-isms one finds on an Eerie, Indiana album. The supposed first single ‘Bigfoot is Real’ is a spot of real sunshine on a very bleak track-list with your usual flavour of complicated riffs. The song is devoted to celebrating the friendship between the two leads, who met as children and in their own words were ‘kind of obsessed with proving that their hometown as weird’. It’s a fun, fast paced moment of happiness on the album. 

Ousted, the final leaked track is a song with steel drums leading the charge. Though Teller is once again the singer, he’s clearly just the mouthpiece for Holmes, who sings about being ousted from his home life with his parents and moving in with Teller’s family. While it seems like it might be another sad song, it’s actually a loving song about finding family and non-typical family structures. The opening samples a recording of the actual court appearance where the Teller family was awarded full custody of Holmes by a judge. The liner notes suggest that this was recorded by Teller illicitly because he wanted to remember the day ‘Simon became my brother for real.’ Like the band’s final effort, Reality Takes a Holiday, Broken Record is a one two punch sort of record where the theme you think you’re going to get isn’t quite what you get. Yes, Broken Record is about the disrupted home life of Holmes, there’s a lot of love in the happier tracks. Weird Kids, Inbetween Tweens and Bigfoot is Real are all about being loved and accepted by your friends, and the deeply rooted friendship between Holmes and Teller. It ultimately becomes a record about finding a home and a family who love and accept you for you. 

Dash X is largely absent on the album, though he is the guitar player on the intermission track, but since he was not a member of the band during the initial recording, and he is busy with his current job as a voice actor there is seemingly not a lot of use for him here. Not to say he doesn’t pop up on some tracks, there was an entire extra verse added to High Strung for him where his raspy, gravelly voice adds a new layer of sound and texture to an otherwise cutting floor worthy track. Another track that feels like a miss is Under Foreign Stars, which is a Teller penned track about feeling alone in a new town that belongs on Foreverware, or an early demo tape far more than it belongs here. 

The liner for the album contains the lyrics, and a lot of previously unseen photos apparently taken by Donner of Eerie, Indiana in the studio recording in all era’s of the band’s existence. Including an extremely rare picture of PDA between X and Teller, who were closeted at the time. When asked about the owner of the broken collarbone features on the back of the album, Holmes revealed that it actually belongs to Melanie Monroe, and that it was technically because of her that the album was re-recorded they wanted to pay homage to her and use an old x-ray of hers instead of the one that was featured originally, apparently a broken arm belonging to Teller after disregarding the instructions of a waterside. 

When asked if this means that Eerie, Indiana was reuniting, Holmes said that they were not, this was currently a one of project to say thank you to their fans. “Eerie, Indiana fans have always been such great supporters of our individual careers, we wanted to give them something new. But there’s always hope about Eerie, Indiana putting out new music. Who knows. Watch this space!” 

[mikauzoran]

Lukadrien: Late to the Jabberwocky Chapter Eleven

Late to the Jabberwocky Chapter Eleven: Reunion

(Yes, I’m aware that this looks suspiciously similar to what I just posted as Chapter Thirty-Six of Daisy. This is the extended version with the Lukadrien content and the actual Luka-Adrien reunion.)

His driver Victor scowled. “You want me to take you where, Adrianka?”

Adrien’s Russian really wasn’t the best, so it was conceivable that he had just said something unintelligible. He took a deep breath and slowly repeated, “To the Couffaines’ house? Uh…the family that lives on the boat?”

The cavernous trenches of Victor’s forehead seemed to deepen, if that were truly possible. “Couffaine? That’s that—” A word in Russian that Adrien didn’t know, but it sounded angry and guttural and was mostly likely not a nice thing to be called. “—who made you cry for half a year,” Victor accused.

Adrien winced, switching back to French. “To be fair, Luka wasn’t the one who made me cry. That was my father when he threatened to ruin my friend and his entire family’s lives and careers and make Luka hate me unless I ceased all communication with him. It wasn’t Luka’s fault.”

Victor did not acknowledge Adrien’s clarification. Instead, his meat cleaver-sized hands went to his hips, and he tipped his head to the side with a suspicious frown. “Isn’t he dating little Masha from the bakery now?”

Adrien tried to smile disarmingly as he nodded, but it came out as more of a wounded grimace. “Yes. Yes, Luka and Marinette are dating.”

“And what business do you have going to see the young man dating the girl you like?”

“I was planning on seeing if he wanted to be friends again now that my father is less strict,” Adrien explained feebly.

Victor continued on in Russian. “Your father? Does your father know where you are going?”

“I told him,” Adrien fibbed, switching back to Russian so that if he were found out later, he could blame his inaccuracy on a “misunderstanding” caused by his poor language skills.

Victor leaned forward, bending at the waist to position himself eye to eye with Adrien. He arched an eyebrow. “Oh? You told him where you were going? So, if I go ask him now, he will tell me he has approved your trip to visit the Couffaine boy who broke your heart?”

“Yes,” Adrien insisted, banking on the fact that Victor would never actually go interrupt Gabriel’s work to follow up on Adrien’s lie. “Except Luka didn’t break my heart,” he clarified as an afterthought.

Victor snorted. “You are trying to tell me that you were not heartbroken two years ago?”

A sulky expression leaked through Adrien’s composed mask. “Okay, but that wasn’t Luka’s fault. That was my father’s for ripping me away from a friend who was really important to me.”

Victor nodded in a manner that indicated that he couldn’t care less whose fault it was. “Yes, yes.”

Suddenly a sausage-sized finger was being wagged in Adrien’s face. “Adrianka, I love you dearly, but—” An idiom that Adrien surmised meant something like “so help me God”. “—if I have to listen to you banging on that piano at all hours and sobbing into your pillow when you think no one can hear again…” he trailed off dangerously, crossing his arms over his chest.

Adrien flinched, shrinking as the tips of his ears turned pink.

Victor’s voice softened as he sighed and laid a giant palm on Adrien’s shoulder. “I am sick of Chopin,” he confessed gently. “I am even more sick of listening to you in pain, knowing there is nothing I can do to fix it for you. Do not put yourself in situations where you will be hurt, Adrianka.”

Adrien’s apprehension melted at the warmth and affection in his bodyguard’s words. With a bright smile, he threw his arms as far around Victor’s torso as they would reach, wrapping his steadfast companion in what would have been a crushing hug on anyone else.

“Thanks, Vitya,” he mumbled into Victor’s chest.

Victor sighed again, patting Adrien on the back. “Yes, yes. All right. Yes. Enough with the mushiness. It is nothing. I am simply tired of Chopin. I wish never to hear that brooding man’s melancholy coming from your piano ever again.”

Adrien pulled back and repeated, “Thank you…for caring about me.”

Victor rolled his eyes, affecting indifference and professional stoicism as he patted Adrien on the head. “This is not what I am paid for. This is not in my job description.”

Adrien snickered, amused at the fuss Victor was making all for show. “That’s why it means so much to me that you do care.”

Victor rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “…I am going to ask your father about you seeing this Couffaine boy,” he snorted and then actually turned and took a step towards the atelier.

Adrien’s heart dropped into his stomach. “W-Wait!”

Victor looked back at Adrien, cocking an eyebrow and smirking knowingly. “Why, Adrianka? Surely your father will confirm what you’ve told me, and then we can be on our way. What is the problem?”

Adrien grimaced.

Victor took another step and a half towards the atelier.

“Okay, fine,” Adrien sighed heavily. “You called my bluff. I just said I was meeting a friend; I didn’t say it was Luka, but in my own defence, I am legally an adult, and you guys can’t stop me from going where I want. So there,” Adrien concluded, petulantly crossing his arms in defiance.

Victor stifled a chuckle. “I look at you, and I still see that tiny, blonde, doll-like baby who I used to carry around on my shoulders. Perhaps you’ve grown too big for that now, but you will never grow so much that I stop seeing you as a child in need of my protection and mother-henning. You can be an adult when I’m dead. Until then, you’ll be hard pressed to stop me from throwing you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carting you off to someplace I determine you will be safe.—What does your photographer always say? ‘Capiche’?—Do we understand each other, Adrian Gavrillovich?”

Adrien’s face fell even further, and his arms dropped helplessly to his sides. He nodded dejectedly. “Yes, Vitya…but…I’m going anyway. I mean, I’ll go even if I have to sneak out, but…in case this all blows up in my face and I have a panic attack or emotional breakdown or something…I would really rather you drive me…please?” He peered up pleadingly at his bodyguard with the most pathetic, sad puppy-dog eyes he had in his arsenal.

Victor sighed heavily, scrubbing his face with a massive hand. “…Adrianka, this is not a good idea. Why do you want to do this so soon after you’ve had your heart broken?”

Adrien bit his lip and switched back to French to make certain that he expressed himself clearly. “I think repairing things with Luka will help.”

Victor crossed his arms, but he tipped his head slightly and cocked an eyebrow to show that he was listening.

Adrien took a measured breath and continued, “When I was hanging out with him and his family before, I felt…like I belonged…like I was okay how I was, even though I had a lot of issues. Luka still liked me on my bad days. It didn’t matter if I was crying over a fight with Dad or if I was an anxious wreck over an upcoming fencing tournament or piano recital. Whatever I was feeling was fine. Whenever I was in good spirits, we’d hang out and have fun, but whenever I was a mess, he’d sit with me and let me cry, comfort me, help me to talk it out. …I think I could really use a friend like that in my life right now. Everyone else has been great,” Adrien rushed to assure, “but Luka always seemed to get me…and it couldn’t hurt to have another friend, could it?”

Victor pursed his lips, weighing Adrien’s arguments. “What if he’s changed? What if he’s not the boy you knew anymore?”

Adrien frowned, caught off guard momentarily. “He…It didn’t seem like he’d changed much the other night when I saw him at Chloé’s party. And he texted me yesterday to apologize for the misunderstanding and make sure I was okay. I’m sure he’s not exactly the same, but I can’t imagine Luka changing all that drastically in just two years.”

Victor shook his head slowly. “Adrianka, perhaps under normal circumstances it would be good for you to rekindle your friendship with the Couffaine boy now that your father is easing up on restrictions, but I do not see this going well, you trying to befriend the boy that the girl you like chose over you. This ends poorly.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Adrien gently insisted. “I think being friends with Marinette’s boyfriend could be a good thing.”

Victor gave Adrien a look that said that he thought Adrien was delusional, but Victor did not verbally respond, letting Adrien continue.

Adrien let out a soft, frustrated sigh and forged forward. “Look, ever since things first blew up with Marinette, my friend group has been divided. Alya has been trying to split her time between us, but the reality is that she’s Marinette’s best friend, so she feels like she has to be on Marinette’s ‘side’, so I’ve hardly seen Alya in two months. I don’t want there to be ‘sides’. I don’t want to cause a rift. I don’t want to not be invited to things because Luka and Marinette are going to be there. Sunday was Marinette’s graduation party, and she didn’t invite me. She didn’t even tell me about it because—I don’t know—maybe it was because Luka was going to be there and she wasn’t ready to tell me they were dating. Maybe it was because she still needed space or whatever, but the point is that I was excluded because of the mess between me and Marinette.” His voice dipped low, cracking.

His gaze dropped to the floor. “That’s not a good feeling. I don’t know how many other graduation parties I wasn’t invited to because of this, but I don’t want to be left out any more than I already am. If I’m friends with Luka, if everybody can see that things are okay, that there doesn’t have to be an Adrien side and a Marinette side, maybe things can slowly go back to normal. Maybe being friends with Luka will help me be friends with Marinette again too. I just…” Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet Victor’s gaze imploringly. “More than anything, I want some kind of normal again.”

Victor nodded slowly, resignedly, a look of deep compassion in his eyes. “I don’t know that this is the way to go about it, but…I’m not about to let you go alone to find out the hard way that this is a bad idea. I wouldn’t want you getting upset and falling off a roof on your way back. I don’t trust that suit of yours to protect you.”

Adrien’s eyes widened as he realized that of course Victor knew. The man had only spent the better part of nearly every day of the past decade within shouting distance of Adrien. Victor would have been a poor bodyguard if he hadn’t picked up on his charge’s secret.

“Go wait around front, Adrianka,” Victor instructed, giving Adrien a gentle pat on the head. “I’ll bring the car around, but if this goes badly and your father asks why I took you, I’m going to—” An idiomatic expression that Adrien did not understand but surmised from context to mean something like “throw you under the bus”. “—and tell him you swore up and down that you had his express permission to go.”

“I think I can live with that,” Adrien snickered and started to make his way out front to wait.

 “Forgive me,” Nooroo’s disembodied voice whispered from inside Adrien’s right shoulder as they waited for Victor to bring the car. “but yesterday I thought that you told Ladybug that you did not wish to be her friend any longer and needed some space and some time.”

Adrien blinked, frowning down in confusion at the offending shoulder as he fiddled with his ring and readjusted his tie. “Yeah? What about it?” he whispered back gently.

“Just now, you told your guard that you wanted to rekindle your friendship with Monsieur Couffaine so that it would facilitate rebuilding your friendship with Miss Dupain-Cheng. I am just a little confused about this development. Do we wish to be friends with Miss Dupain-Cheng now?”

A florid blush burst forth on Adrien’s cheeks, and he looked away, mumbling, “No. Not right now, no.”

“He just knows he’s going to change his mind,” Plagg snickered helpfully from within Adrien’s left shoulder.

“I’m allowed to change my mind if I want,” Adrien grumbled sullenly. “Human beings often say one thing and then turn around and do another. It’s not that I have changed my mind…just that I can.”

“Of course you can,” Plagg agreed more gently, easing up on his chosen.

“Of course, Adrien-bocchama,” Nooroo echoed.

Adrien took a deep breath, trying to re-center himself. “For right now, though, I’d kind of like to focus on the task at hand. I’m not one hundred percent certain what’s going to happen with Luka, and I’d like to concentrate on him before I really start thinking about the dizzying prospect of being just friends with the girl I am madly in love with.”

 Crossing the gangplank to the Liberty, Adrien was all nerves. He took a deep breath in a futile attempt to calm himself before checking the railing for the bell pull that the Couffaines used to keep on the banister at the end of the walkway. Adrien had only used it a handful of times when he’d first started visiting before Anarka had reassured him that Juleka hadn’t been kidding: Adrien really could just come aboard at his leisure, without invitation, at any time of the day or night, and the Couffaines would be happy to have him.

This time, though, Adrien thought it better to stand on formality. Despite Luka’s behaviour at the party and despite Luka’s texts the day before, Adrien wasn’t entirely sure that he was welcome anymore.

He’d just reached for the rope to pull when someone cleared their throat in a manner that suggested Adrien had been caught doing something he oughtn’t. He looked up and around to find Juleka rising from a deck chair and setting down her magazine to make her way over.

“Uh…hey…Juleka,” he greeted lamely, completely thrown off.

She came to a stop in front of him with her arms crossed, a wary look on her face. She was affectively barring his way, blocking him from coming down off the gangplank and properly coming aboard the Liberty.

Adrien couldn’t determine whether it was deliberate.

“Hey,” she returned his salutation in a monotone…not that that was unusual or in any way telling for Juleka. She brushed her hair out of her face with a finger to peer at him curiously with both amber eyes. “What are you doing here?”

Adrien was wondering the same thing.

He gulped. “I came to see Luka?”

Juleka stiffened at that, but at the same time she laughed, teasing, “Are you sure about that?”

Adrien nodded, not certain what to make of his former classmate. They hadn’t talked much the past two years. Adrien had, in fact, actively avoided Juleka and Rose for twelve whole months after their abrupt parting until the following year when they had all been placed in the same class again and avoiding them became near impossible. Two years before, Adrien and Juleka had enjoyed a tentative friendship, teasing one another relentlessly and giving each other trouble just for the fun of it. Now, Adrien had no idea where they stood.

“Is Luka expecting you?” Juleka eyed him intently in a cross between suspicion and circumspection. Her expression and stance were still guarded.

“Uh…no,” Adrien admitted with a frown. “I’m sorry. I just kind of decided this morning to drop by spur of the moment.”

Some of the tension seemed to come out of Juleka’s posture.

Adrien bit his lip. “Is now a bad time?”

She nodded. “Luka’s not actually home right now.”

“O-Oh,” Adrien replied, the word sticking in his throat as his heart sank.

Yes, Adrien had been nervous and, frankly, scared stiff at the thought of seeing Luka again and possibly getting shot down like a pheasant, but now that seeing Luka was no longer an option, Adrien began to realize how badly he’d wanted the reunion.

“Do-Do you happen to know when he’ll be back?” Adrien asked, hearing himself like some disembodied voice.

Juleka’s lips pressed together, and she let her bangs fall back into her face as she frowned, crossing her arms once more. “Look…Adrien… This is nothing against you personally, but I don’t think you should be hanging around my brother.”

Adrien’s mouth dropped open, and he stared at Juleka, thinking he must have misheard. “S-Sorry. What?”

She took a deep breath, steeled herself, and continued in the strongest, most determined voice Adrien had ever heard from her, “Please stay away from my brother. I don’t know what’s going on with you this year, but I do know that I don’t want my brother mixed up in it. Luka doesn’t need you in his life right now.”

“O-Oh,” Adrien croaked, breath hitching as he began to hear blood rushing in his ears.

“He’s finally with the girl he’s always wanted,” she pressed on. “He’s happy, and I don’t want you messing that up for him, okay? He’s one of the best people on this earth, and he deserves to be happy. He doesn’t need you coming back here after the way you just dropped him last time.”

“I-I didn’t—My father was—” Adrien tried to explain, but his thoughts were fragmented, and it was getting hard to breath, let alone form coherent sentences to explain Gabriel’s blackmail tactics.

Juleka let out a derisive bark of laughter. “Yeah, yeah. Luka’s told me it was your father’s fault, but do you really believe that you’re completely blameless?”

“I…” Adrien gulped.

“You didn’t fight for him,” Juleka accused with heat, eyes beginning to dampen as the memories flooded back, reigniting the rage she had felt, the fear, the confusion of when Adrien had left them without explanation, ripping her brother’s heart out and taking it with him.

“You just rolled over and did what your father told you to. You didn’t even try to fight for Luka. He wasn’t worth it to you,” she hissed.

Adrien opened his mouth to tell her exactly how much Luka had been worth to him, but she spoke again first.

“You hurt him,” Juleka added, voice losing its edge, sounding pained instead of accusatory.

Her strong, dependable, unshakable brother had fallen to pieces right in front of her eyes, leaving her helpless, not knowing what to do, not knowing if things would ever be okay again for a little over a year.

“…I thought we were going to lose him, you hurt him so bad,” she whispered, voice raw, visible eye piercing through Adrien, robbing him of his voice. “Why should I let you come back and hurt him again?”

All Adrien could do was stand there on the gangplank with his mouth hanging partially open. He was completely defenseless against her words. What could he say?

“Juju!” Rose called as she ascended the stairs to the deck, her singsong cutting through the tense atmosphere. “Juleka! Have you seen my—Oh!” Rose came to a sudden stop when she spotted their visitor. “A-Adrien! Hi!” she greeted, skipping across the deck to her girlfriend’s side.

“Uh…Hi,” Adrien replied in a bit of a daze. “Hi, Rose. How are you?”

Oddly enough, Rose didn’t seem displeased to see him. Her face lit up in a wide grin, and even her crystal blue eyes smiled as she answered, “Pretty well, thanks! How about you?” She tipped her head to the side. “I’ve heard you’ve been sick. Are you feeling okay? You look awfully pale.”

Adrien opened his mouth to respond, but Juleka cut him off. “Rose, Adrien was just dropping by to say hi to Luka—”

Rose brightened an extra hundred or so watts, opening her mouth and starting to gesture back towards where she had come from below deck, as if she were going to offer to go back down and fetch Luka for Adrien.

Juleka steamrolled over Rose’s offer. “—but Luka isn’t here right now, right, Rose?”

Rose frowned in confusion and started to contradict her girlfriend when Juleka gave Rose a look.

Rose’s eyes widened, and her lips came into the shape of a miniature letter O. Slowly, she began to nod. “Ooooh. Right. Luka…Luka isn’t here right now.”

“Oh,” Adrien replied flatly, finally understanding. Luka was downstairs, but Adrien wasn’t welcome aboard the Liberty. Luka didn’t want to see Adrien. “I don’t suppose I could wait for him?” he suggested petulantly just for the sake of being difficult.

“No,” Juleka decreed as Rose surreptitiously slipped her phone out of her pocket, holding it down at her side so that Juleka wouldn’t see her typing: “drop what you’re doing and get up here NOW pretend to be looking for something LOUDLY”.

“No, he’s going to be gone for hours,” Juleka lied, unaware of Rose’s subterfuge.

“We’ll tell him you stopped by,” Rose assured with a bright smile. “He’ll be really happy to know you came to see him.”

Adrien blinked owlishly at Rose, thinking he’d misheard her. “R-Really? You think he’d be happy?”

“Mmhm.” Rose nodded enthusiastically. “I’ll be sure to tell him you were here.”

“But you should probably go now,” Juleka added pointedly with the conviction of someone certain she was protecting a loved one from ruin.

“Juleka!” Luka called from below deck.

Adrien’s heart ceased to function properly. All air molecules left his lungs, and the tips of his ears turned poppy red.

Juleka, as if to provide contrast, turned milk white.

“Juleka!” Luka called again. “Have you seen my—?” He paused at the top of the stairs, blue eyes catching on green. “…Adrien,” he breathed reverently.

Adrien’s doubts evaporated with one glimpse of Luka’s smile. It was obvious from the expression on Luka’s face that Luka very much did want to see Adrien.

Adrien returned the smile shyly, hand going to rub at the back of his neck. “Hi.”

“Luka! When did you get back?” Rose greeted in an attempt to keep up Juleka’s ruse. “We thought you’d be gone for hours still! What good luck! Adrien came by to see you, but we thought you weren’t here, and Adrien was just about to leave, but you came up just in time!”

Luka didn’t seem to hear Rose as he made his way over to the gangplank, eyes locked on Adrien. “Hi,” he chuckled, beaming with a star-like effulgence. “You really came to see me?”

Adrien nodded. “Uh…yeah. Yeah, I did. At the party, you’d mentioned hanging out, and then…” Adrien bit his lip. “I mean…your texts yesterday made it sound like-like that offer was still on the table, despite recent plot developments, so…” He took a deep breath and looked Luka in the eye. “I came to apologize and see if you’d be willing to give me a second chance.” His smile took on a nervous aspect. He still half expected to be rejected.

But Luka grinned his closed-mouth smile, shoulders shaking as he laughed. His eyes were warm and welcoming. “As many as you need,” he assured.

A weight lifted from Adrien’s chest, and he sighed in relief, chuckling giddily. “Thank you.”

Luka shrugged. “No thanks necessary. Come aboard.”

Adrien took a step forward but stopped when he realized that Juleka wasn’t moving to let him past. “Um…?”

Luka blinked and then seemed to register his sister’s presence. “Hey, Jules? You’re kind of blocking the path.”

Juleka looked down at her feet, muttering something not even Adrien could make out with his enhanced hearing as she shuffled out of the way.

Luka turned his gaze back on Adrien, holding out a hand. “Watch your step. Wouldn’t want you to trip.”

“I am never going to live that down, am I?” Adrien groaned, taking the proffered hand as he stepped down onto the deck.

“Nope,” Luka confirmed. “It’s one of my favourite memories of you.”

Adrien gave a snort. “Don’t sass me.”

“Don’t be catty,” Luka returned with a wink.

Adrien’s pout turned into a smirk. “I’m allowed to be a bit of a sourpuss. After all, you just foiled my ingenious scheme to trip and fall into your arms,” Adrien took a risk and teased, testing the waters to see how easily they could fall back into their old patterns.

Without missing a beat, Luka clicked his tongue. “Darn me and my gallantry. Warn me next time, and I’ll happily allow you to ‘trip’.”

“I’ll make sure to give you a heads up,” Adrien assured, glad to see that platonic flirting was still acceptable.

“How long are you going to keep holding his hand?” Juleka inquired reprovingly, cutting through the moment.

Adrien jumped and almost pulled back, but Luka gave his hand a squeeze as he responded, “Forever,” with a shrug, tugging Adrien’s hand into his chest. “This is mine now.”

Adrien couldn’t help laughing. “But I need that.”

Luka shook his head. “You’re ambidextrous. You can just learn to use your right hand for everything.”

“But I need both hands to play the piano,” Adrien protested even as he noted that Luka’s REO Speedwagon shirt was really soft.

“Ah.” Luka pursed his lips. “All right. He makes a good point. It would be a crime to rob the world of such a pianist. You can have this back on the condition that you play me something later.”

“Deal,” Adrien agreed with a laugh and immediately missed Luka’s warmth as his hand was released.

Juleka rolled her eyes with a snort and stalked back over to her deckchair to ressume her magazine.

Rose followed, sitting at Juleka’s feet and resting her head in Juleka’s lap, giving her girlfriend comforting nuzzles and gentle reassurances that things were going to be okay.

Adrien cleared his throat awkwardly. “So…at the party, I believe we established that we both enjoy opera?”

“We did,” Luka agreed, tipping his head to the side in curiosity.

“Have you ever seen Monteverdi’s L’Orfeo?” Adrien baited.

Luka arched an eyebrow. “I mean, online, yes, but never in person. They don’t really perform it often.” His cheeks turned pastel pink as he confessed, “Honestly, I haven’t actually seen much opera in person at all.”

Adrien blinked in disbelief. “You haven’t?”

Luka shook his head and shrugged. “Too expensive.”

Adrien winced. “Sor—”

“—Don’t worry about it,” Luka cut him off with an easy grin. “I’ve seen some excellent performances online and by borrowing recordings from the library.”

“Would you like to see Monteverdi’s L’Orfeo in person?” Adrien inquired, wearing a sly smile.

“Don’t tease me,” Luka pouted with an undercurrent of excitement as he nudged Adrien’s arm.

“I’m not teasing,” Adrien promised, elbowing Luka back. “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

Luka gazed at Adrien, glacial blue eyes full of tentative hope. “Going to see Monteverdi’s L’Orfeo?”

Adrien grinned, flashing the tickets. “I got us box seats. Some obscenely rich dowager is putting on a private performance tomorrow night because she has nothing better to do with her time and money, and since I am also rich and famous and friends with the mayor’s daughter, I was able to get on the guestlist. Wanna be my date?”

Luka could only nod as he stared in awe at the ornately embossed invitations.

“In case you missed it, this is me trying to impress you with my money and social status in an attempt to bribe you into being my friend again. …How am I doing?” Adrien chuckled nervously.

“I’m definitely impressed,” Luka assured. “Bribery isn’t necessary, but you won’t hear any complaints from me. I’m just kind of worried that I don’t have anything nice enough to wear to a snazzy event like this. What you saw me in at Chloé’s party was the nicest thing I own, and even that is a little on the casual side.”

“No worries,” Adrien replied, waving away Luka’s concerns. “I have a whole basement level filled with formalwear. How about I pick you up at six and bring you back to my house for dinner? Then we can play dress up and leave for the opera from there. How’s that sound?”

“Your father would let you do that?” Luka asked incredulously. “Have someone over and borrow one of his designs like that?”

Adrien’s smile turned sheepish. “I think so? If I asked, probably. I’m not exactly sure what the rules are nowadays, but he’s being pretty lenient in general since my first breakdown two months ago. And, I mean, if he says no, I’ll just buy you a suit and take you out to dinner instead—I’m not accepting ‘no’ for an answer, by the way,” Adrien added as he saw Luka start to open his mouth in protest. “You know money is nothing to me. I want to take you to the opera. Okay?”

Luka bit his lip but quickly gave up all thought of arguing. “Okay. But I owe you, all right?”

“For what?” Adrien snorted. “This is a trade: I take you to the opera; you be my friend again. Honestly, I think I’m the one who still owes you.”

Luka rolled his eyes, insisting, “Seriously, Adrien, you don’t have to bribe me. I want to be friends again just as much as you do.”

“Fine,” Adrien relented. “Then take all this as an apology…for how things ended last time. I’m sorry about my father, and I’m sorry that I…that I couldn’t…didn’t…I’m sorry, Luka,” Adrien concluded with a sigh. “I’m so sorry.”

Luka shook his head and tentatively reached out a hand to ruffle Adrien’s hair. “It wasn’t your fault, Angel. Look at me.”

Hesitantly, Adrien did. “But I should have—”

“—Shh,” Luka interrupted softly, giving Adrien’s head a gentle pat. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong. Let’s put that behind us, okay?”

Adrien’s teeth cut into his bottom lip as he studied Luka’s face, the soft look in his eyes.

Luka was all warmth and fondness and forgiveness.

Adrien let out a long sigh of relief. “Okay. All right…. Friends?” He held out his hand.

“Friends,” Luka agreed, taking it and using it to pull Adrien into a hug.

They squeezed each other fiercely and then quickly stepped back, all smiles.

“Hey, so are you busy right now?” Luka inquired, feeling giddy. He stuffed his hands into his pockets in an attempt to keep himself from reaching out for Adrien again.

Adrien smelled just as good as Luka remembered. Adrien was warm and solid, compact yet muscular. His hair was like feathers, his skin smooth and soft. Two years had added hints of a more mature masculinity around the edges, but Adrien hadn’t really changed much. Adrien was still a delight to have in Luka’s arms.

Luka had to remind himself that he was no longer single and no longer in love with this boy. He couldn’t allow himself to dive back in where they’d left off. Luka was over the Adrien of two years ago and didn’t yet know the Adrien in front of him. Luka needed to police himself.

“Right now? No. I don’t have anywhere I need to be.” Adrien replied with a shrug. “Why do you ask?”

“Do you want to come below deck and hang out for a bit?” Luka offered, suddenly nervous again.

Adrien’s eyes lit up. “Really? Sure! I’d love to. Just let me text my driver not to wait for me.” He smiled sheepishly. “I wasn’t really certain what your response to me showing up here would be after the whole…uh…” His gaze dropped down to his feet for an instant. “…debacle with your girlfriend, so…” He looked back up, mentally reinforcing the edges of a shaky smile. “Victor was waiting for me in case you said you never wanted to speak to me again and I ended up slinking back to the Mansion with my tail between my legs.”

Luka winced. “Well, I can’t really blame you for being concerned, I guess. I was sort of worried that you would never want to talk to me again, so…I suppose we were equally wrong.”

“Thank goodness,” Adrien chuckled, pulling out his phone and typing a quick text to Victor, letting him know that Adrien was staying and could make his own way home.

“All right,” Adrien announced, slipping his mobile back into his pocket. “Take me to your keyboard. I believe I owe you a song for the safe return of my left hand?”

Luka chuckled, assuring, “Only if you want to, but I’d personally love to hear you play. I’ve been deprived of your talents for too long.”

“Ditto,” Adrien snickered. “I’ll trade ya. I’ll play whatever you want, but then I want to hear everything you’ve been up to musically for the past two years.”

Luka gave a surprised snort of laughter. “Everything?”

“Everything,” Adrien confirmed. “How am I supposed to be your biggest fan again if you don’t catch me up?”

Luka quirked an eyebrow at his friend’s sincerity. “But catching you up will take weeks.”

Adrien shrugged. “I’m not opposed to moving back in with you guys. I assume my bed is still right where I left it?” he inquired innocently.

Luka put a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh. “Your bed?”

“Mmhm.” Adrien nodded. “You know. The one I annexed two years ago and then magnanimously allowed you to use?”

“Ah, yes,” Luka snickered. “I am intimately acquainted with the bed in question. Don’t worry. It’s right where you left it.”

“G-Good.” Adrien’s voice caught as he suddenly found himself getting choked up. “Sorry.” He took a quick swipe at his eyes. “I don’t know why I’m—” He met Luka’s gaze bashfully. “…I missed you.”

Luka nodded, tentatively reaching out to stroke Adrien’s hair, unsure of whether he was allowed to anymore, and, even then, whether he should.

“I missed you too.” The words were abysmally inadequate for the sentiment they were meant to convey.

“After my father—I was miserable for months,” Adrien confessed, sighing. “It was like a part of me had been ripped away suddenly, and I couldn’t be the me that I was when I was here. I had to go back to being the me I was before, and I just couldn’t make myself fit anymore, but—” He rolled his eyes self-deprecatingly, smiling wryly. “I’m probably not making any sense.”

He was making perfect sense to Luka. Those feelings weren’t exactly the same as what Luka had experienced at their separation, but Luka could relate to the suffering behind Adrien’s words.

Adrien looked down at his feet. “Just...What I’m trying to say is, I missed you guys. I missed the Liberty and the person I was when I was here with you and your family. I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to have any of this ever again, so…I know I’m a sentimental sap, but being here and joking with you like nothing has changed means the world to me. A lot of things—everything—in my life is changing right now. It’s really nice to have something that feels normal. Everything is overwhelming right now, so…this is really nice. Sorry I’m being ridiculous and emotional,” he laughed sheepishly, trying to trivialize his feelings and so excuse them. “Thank you for having me here.”

Luka stepped forward, pulling Adrien into a tight hug. “Thanks for coming back to me…even though it took a long time,” Luka whispered into Adrien’s hair, lips brushing against the shell of Adrien’s ear.

Adrien’s whole body tingled pleasantly as he began to melt into Luka.

Catching himself, Luka pulled back and smiled disarmingly. “How’s your Liszt?”

A surprised laugh burst forth from Adrien’s lungs, yanking him out of the previous moment in Luka’s arms. “Liszt? Tolerable. Any piece in particular you had in mind?”

“Totentanz,” Luka replied decidedly.

Adrien nodded to himself as he mentally ran over the song. “I think I remember most of it, but promise you won’t laugh when I totally blank.”

“Never,” Luka swore, crossing his heart. “Come on below deck.”

“Make sure you behave, Luc!” Juleka called after them. “Don’t make me tell your girlfriend on you. No blondes in the bed!”

“Is this a concern?” Adrien laughed, a tad confused at Juleka’s vehemence as Luka escorted him over to the stairs.

“Juleka may have seen us dancing at the party and gotten the wrong idea,” Luka sighed, waving his sister off over his shoulder.

Adrien winced. “Sorry about that.”

Luka shook his head. “No big. I’d dance with you again every time.”

Adrien grinned, cheeks heating up. Even though he didn’t really know what to do with that comment and how it made him feel, it still evoked a warm, happy glow in his chest.

“Luka, make sure you play him the Vivaldi piece!” Rose added her two centimes. “That way you can stop practicing because we’re all sick of it.”

“Vivaldi?” Adrien’s head cocked to the side.

Luka grimaced. “Uh…you mentioned the first movement of Vivaldi’s Winter at the party…. I may have been playing it all week.”

Adrien laughed. “You see, that’s really funny because you mentioned Ravel’s Miroirs No. 3, ‘Une Barque sur l'Ocean’, and I’ve been playing it all week too.”

Luka blinked, a blinding blush creeping up on his cheeks. “R-Really?”

Adrien smirked. “Mmhm. I’ll play it for you after Totentanz.” With a patented wink, he turned and headed down the stairs.

Luka paused for a minute, trying to puzzle out the meaning of all this. He promptly got distracted by the fit of Adrien’s jeans as his friend descended the steps.

It was then that it dawned on Luka that, even though he was no longer in love with Adrien, he was closer to the edge than he’d realized. One good shove, and he’d fall headlong.

Luka was in serious trouble.

[theboyz-engup]

To All The Boyz I’ve Loved Before; Letter Three

Summary-

It was wonderful what a few little letters could do; they could make or break a friendship, cause someone to laugh or smile, make someone remember the time of their life or that moment they wanted to forget. Just some words on paper and poof, everyone knew the way your heart beat and workings of your brain. High school really did wonders on you, as did those twelve boys. Maybe they didn’t know it, but they changed your whole life with each smile, each wave, and each word you typed into paper. You made them permanent, and now they had to know why.

Word Count- 9.0k

Previous Letter - Next Letter

Coming home from the trip to Younghoon’s was stressful and all Jacob really wanted to do for a bit was sit down and relax. He climbed up the familiar steps to his room, giving his mum a kiss on the cheek as he passed her in the kitchen.

“Have a fun time, dear?”

All he did was make a sound and retreat further into his house until he got to his bed. Lying down, he picked up the guitar that rested against his bed frame and began to strum lightly. The weight of it on his chest was something so familiar and sweet, his eyes closing as he started his song. He loved the way his guitar felt in his hands, where he could create a world of notes and music and happiness- all done by his own hands. Slowly and quietly, he filled his room with an idea of love he’d strung up in his head for a moment and hummed along to the rhythm.

That’s actually not that bad, he thought to himself, wondering where he put his notebook to write down the notes. It sounded better out loud than it did in his head and he was rather surprised. Reaching around above his head, he couldn’t feel his leather-bound book and huffed. Guitar to his side, he shifted upwards only to hear paper crumpling and stopping. Lifting his bottom up slightly, he felt around underneath him until he felt his hands enclose around a paper package.

“What the heck is this?” he mumbled to himself, sitting up and really focusing in on the envelope he had in hand.

“Oh, Jacob, honey?” His mum’s voice trailed up the stairs and through the door easily, years of practice making her just loud enough to be heard. “I left you some mail in your room, have you got it?”

“Yes! Thank you!”

Jacob looked down at the paper again, perplexed. He felt like he’d seen something exactly like this recently but he couldn’t place where. Granted, there weren’t many people with a typewriter, but this felt like something he knew. Turning the envelope from the closing to the front where his address was written, he found himself confused.

“It’s from y/n, dear.” His mother’s voice was closer now, a knock at the door coming before she walked in anyways- she never waited for an okay. A cup of tea was in her hand to bring to him. “What d’you reckon she wants?”

Jacob could only shrug his shoulders but he worked at the opening nonetheless. “Want to read it with me?”

His mum gasped dramatically, free hand over her heart as the other thrust the mug into her hand. “I thought you’d never as- oh wait! Let me get my tea from downstairs!”

As she hustled away, she called, “don’t start without me!”

“Okay, mum,” Jacob said, not sure if she heard him but opening the letter nonetheless. He was excited to see what you had to say. You two hadn’t spoken in a while and, though this was unconventional, Jacob knew you were rather old-fashioned. It was nice to see you pop up every once in a while, even if it was in a cute little letter.

Mid-March, 2015

It was spring break, which meant a whole week off school and all the best things in the world. You guessed that your parents felt bad for something (quite possibly denying you a trip to your old town to see Eric) but they were being a lot more lenient than usual; you were allowed to go to the local shops with Amalia and the rest of your friend group, which had grown significantly over the past few months. Sunwoo decided to join, sitting down with you and the friend, Jace, you’d overheard him arguing with. Then, Amalia seemed to materialize Hyunjoon out of nowhere and he suddenly joined as well. The cherry on top was Shankeri, the shy girl whose calm demeanour definitely added a sense of sanity to the group. You were a proper group, straight from a 90’s sitcom, though all of you found the idea of dating each other entirely repulsive.

After much discussion, the six of you planned a sleepover for the break as a bit of a release. It was dangerous but you’d been scheming for nearly a month now, working out all the details and all the information you’d tell your parents. You were sure it’d work, especially since Amalia’s parents were just about the most laid back people you ever knew. Your parents would die at the idea of that kind of sleepover so you would just casually leave boys out of the picture. It was perfect and really, it all worked out in the end. Just as you were finishing up packing your bags that Saturday afternoon, you got called down by your parents.

Praying you could stay cool for just the last few minutes of interrogation, you clambered down the stairs, passing your brother and his friend, Juyeon, on the way up.

“Hey, y/n,” Juyeon smiled while Haymond kept his head down, careful with how he was stepping. He had a cyst in his knee and it popped, causing his kneecap to dislocate. Now, he was overly careful about how he walked, especially around stairs.

“Mom and dad have something to tell you,” he said offhanded, clearly not really caring for the information. He was really focused on not falling, though the words did give you a bit of a fright.

As you walked down on shaky legs now, worry settling into your bones, Haymond mentioned one more thing. “On your way back, can you get me some tea?”

“No,” you said back instantly, not even thinking about it. Your brother tossed a ball in your general direction, one meant for your dog, Barly, who was outside on the porch. It narrowly missed your head. Chuckling a bit, you watched them disappear as you rounded the corner off the stairs and into the kitchen.

Your mother was elbow deep in dough, for what you didn’t know. She was always baking when she was stressed out but then she’d chide if you ate too much of her baked goods because it would cause weight gain. On the other hand, if nobody ate her pastries and cakes and whatever else she would concoct, she’d complain that she wasted her money and everyone’s always making her throw out food. It was very give and take, though you never told her anything when she was this focused on baking.

Your father was by her side, pouring in flour as slow as he could without making a mess. He said he loved to help out with this but mostly, you thought he didn’t want to make Mum more upset by not helping out.

“Ah, y/n,” your dad called, noticing you first and waving you over, murmuring, “quickly, quickly.”

Taking his place with the flour, he asked your mother what else she needed and ran about grabbing vanilla, a few more eggs, and other spices. Your mother had flour streaked across her forehead, which you tried to rub off but she just gave you a stern look. Oh god, I’m really in for it now, you thought, biting the inner part of your lip.

“S-so what are you baking?” you asked, trying to be inconspicuous. If you didn’t give them any reason to worry or question you then you would slide right through the next few moments and it’d be smooth sailing from then.

“Cake.” The response was short but was then followed quickly by, “we’re having the Baes over for dinner again and I want to keep making a good impression.”

“Oh.” You couldn’t think of anything to say, really. In the past, most guests were people you’d seen from birth. Family friends, or parents of your own friends. Your parents loved having the Sohns over, Eric’s mother being lively and full of high spirits all the time. It was no wonder her children turned out the same.

Thinking back on it gave you a frown. Deeply, you missed your old friends and gatherings. They held something special and were painted in that beautiful periwinkle that all childhoods are usually coated with. Your mother, noticing your silence, only gave you a little nudge with her shoulder and tried to be kind with her voice.

“I’m doing it to be nice. They invited us over and it’s about time we returned the favour. If we’re to be living here, we need to make friends. Just like you are, yeah?”

You only nodded, not looking her in the eye like she wanted. With a click of her tongue, she took her hands out of the dough and wrapped her arms around you as best as she could without getting you dirty.

“I know you miss everyone but it’ll get easier with time,” she cooed, somehow managing to be comforting despite the awkward position her elbows were in as they pressed into your back, “I promise. Everything will work out.”

Giving another nod, you hugged your mother back. Your father, who hadn’t said a word and was watching the situation suddenly barged in, arms enveloping the two of you as best as he could. He was what most people called soft, especially for moments like these. Though, you supposed neither one of you was particularly good with words. After a brief moment, you all disbanded and returned to your tasks until everything was all done.

“Okay, okay, now go get ready for Amalia’s house. Dad will drive you if you w-”

“No, that’s okay!” The interruption was suspicious indeed. You hardly ever turned down a drive but you blamed it on the nice weather that was really very uncommon for this time of year.

Laughing nervously as you backed away from the kitchen, sticking your slightly floured hands in your overall pockets, you covered with, “it’s really nice out so I think I’ll just walk. All the ice has melted so you don’t have to worry about me being dumb like Haymond.”

Your father chuckled at the joke but your mother gave you a stern look and your smile was wiped right off. Though, she seemed reluctant to let you go.

“It would give me enough time to shave,” your father mumbled, seeing how much you really wanted to take this walk. Maybe he thought it was for exercise. Whatever the reason was that he was backing you up, you were grateful. Both parents let it slide, though explicitly saying they were going to pick you up if Amalia’s parents wouldn’t drive you home.

Not forgetting to get your brother tea, you quickly poured some in two cups and brought them to his door. Knocking at the door, you placed the cups on the floor and retreated to your room. You didn’t like to wait around for the thank you that would come from your brother. It seemed too sappy and too sweet for little things, so you would always disappear after some act of kindness. 

After you finished grabbing your clothes, toiletries, shoes, and your sweater, all of which were double checked by your mum, you stood at the door as she fussed and repeated her rules. They went in one ear and out the other, each repeat making the words stick less than they did before. You already knew not to do anything stupid, to keep your head on your shoulders, blah blah. You were just itching to go and there Juyeon and Haymond were to the rescue. They clambered down the stairs, talking about how good the cake smelled. Mum fussed after them too, giving you a kiss goodbye quickly before following them. She waved the spatula at them menacingly, warning them not to touch anything before dinner.

You waved at your dad who was at the top of the stairs, shaving cream half on his face and towel around his neck. Haymond would message you goodnight, you were sure, and so the anticipation wavered. You couldn’t wait to be out the door, shoving your boots on and fixing your thickest jumper over your head. With a swing of the door, you were released.

Except there stood the Baes, Mrs. Bae stood with a baking tin in her hands while Jacob’s hand reached to press the doorbell. The second his eyes met with yours, there was a smile on his face. He caused your heart to race.

“Hey, y/n,” he chimed, hand pulling back from the door, “did you hear us coming?”

“N-no, not really,” you admitted, getting tongue-tied so easily. Not knowing what really to say, your mother’s voice saved you as she called Mrs. Bae’s name and they were allowed in. The rest of the family filtered past you, Jeff the second one in as he gave you a smile and patted your head. His arm of tattoos grew from the last dinner you had and you were upset you couldn’t ask about his new instalments.

“Going somewhere?” Jacob asked, waiting just inside the doorway. You were halfway out and he was halfway in, hands in his pocket and back comfortably pressed back. He was only wearing a grey sweater, white shirt poking out from underneath, and a pair of jeans but he looked so inviting.

Pushing down the part of you that just wished to get a hug from him, you nodded. Fingers through the loops of your backpack straps, you said, “I’m going to my friend’s for a sleepover.”

He lowered his voice to a whisper, leaning down lightly to joke, “you’re leaving me alone here? Tonight’s gonna suck.”

The two of you shared a laugh, despite you coming up with so many other reasons why he would enjoy himself. Him and Haymond were rather chatty, the two of you hardly talking last time except for the logistics of the guitar.

“Jacob!”

The look on his face was overly dramatic at the calling of his name. He looked like he was getting pulled in by an invisible rope, though he was smiling the whole way through.

“Save me,” he whispered, walking backwards a bit before giving you a wave,

“Next time,” you promised, waving back. Then, you were truly free.

Your dog, which had been having quite a fun time alone in your yard had wandered over to play with the neighbour’s dog. At this point in the year, you’d learnt to stop apologizing for that. Jaehyun loved having more pets over at his house, laughing as he got chased by them and eventually caught. You exchanged awkward smiles as you walked past, deciding that was enough with acquaintances for the day. You were ready to have fun with some real friends, your smile growing with every step until you got to Amalia’s house. She opened the door in the most Amalia way.

“Demon,” she crooned, giving you a hug.

You grinned, embracing her back. Tonight was going to be a good night.

I think you remember that night well enough. You mentioned that dinner was rather stale without me, saying my parents relied on Haymond for conversation topics. That’s very clearly never a good idea but I respect the fact that they tried- and also that you stuck through it. After that dinner, my parents sung your praises in every way they could. They kept pressing me to ask about you or talk about you. Most embarrassingly, they kept saying I should find a nice boy like you to settle down with. In a way, they kind of planted that seed of thought and I, stupidly enough, let it grow.

They texted me that night saying I really missed out on a nice dinner- one that felt like the old ones we used to have with Eric back before we moved. Only, I didn’t feel like I was missing out until the next day when I first heard you sing.

It really came as no surprise that Sunday mornings meant church to most families. Amalia broke the news to everyone last night before going to bed, saying that the cost of sleeping over on Saturdays meant coming to church the next morning. She seemed worried, picking at her nails and trying very hard to convince everyone it wasn’t weird and she wasn’t trying to convert anyone, though no one really cared. Sunwoo was the first to laugh, telling her to relax.

“It’s not a cult meeting, it’s just church,” he chuckled, lying back in his sleeping bag beside you, “now can we just go to sleep already?”

The whole night and morning, Amalia looked genuinely worried. She even said that nobody had to go if they didn’t want to, that her parents wouldn’t mind but this time Hyunjoon came to save the day. The way he placed his hands on her shoulders instantly relaxed her, making her take her thumb nail from her teeth as he murmured that it didn’t matter. Shankeri couldn’t help but agree.

“We’re all fine, it’s no big deal. Sunday’s a free day anyways, right, Jace?”

He wasn’t paying much attention at all.

So, you all went to church. It was exciting, you couldn’t lie. Your parents weren’t necessarily religious but that didn’t mean you weren’t interested in it at all. You would spend time reading into different religions, wondering about so many customs and respectfully trying to ask people about the traditions and cultures of their religions. Though, you hadn’t really been in contact with all too many different cultures, you thought this was going to be a nice experience. The youth even had their own individual pastor, which Amalia’s mum told everyone excitedly as she drove the whole packed car down.

“Everyone all right?” she asked as six children clambered out of her car, her husband and Amalia’s sister parked right beside. She looked over, counted heads, then smiled. “Inside we go then!”

There weren’t many words you had since you were just watching everyone gather. It seemed warm, the way people smiled and greeted each other. You figured it was like a community within a community, and Amalia even had different friends here. People from the other side of town were also here, meaning you could meet the people Amalia raged about all the time. For the second time that weekend, your heart beat with a bit of ice running through your veins. You didn’t know when, if ever, you’d be able to do this with your old friends. Did they even remember you?

Sitting down in the pews, you weren’t sure what to expect. You’d never done this before and you didn’t know how to act. You were really worried and you supposed that was why a familiar face made you feel so at ease. Watching Jacob get up and sit in the few rows where you supposed the musicians sat, in front of everyone, you begged for him to see you. Hell, you practically burned holes into his skin until he looked up at you as he was tuning. He immediately went from focused to bright, parted lips turning into a widened smile that stretched over his teeth. He only lifted his hand from his guitar to say hello before going back to his work. You did the same, though you doubted he saw.

“You know that guy?” Sunwoo asked, eyes looking from you to Jacob. You shrugged.

“We’re kind of family friends I think?”

Sunwoo made some sort of noise to let you know he heard you before straightening in his seat. His hood was still over his head as a very young priest walked in, clearing his throat in his fist nervously. You clicked your tongue as you grabbed at his hood and tugged it down, hissingly chiding, “why haven’t you taken this off?”

His hands only worked to make his hair look presentable, grumbling, “okay, mom.”

You narrowed your eyes at each other before deciding to drop it and focus on what was happening. It sure was an experience and it was rather positive. There was discussion and discourse. The priest even took opinions from the people in the crowd, which you didn’t know would happen. Though, the most memorable part was hearing Jacob sing. He spoke about it, mentioning that he did it in passing to make sure his guitar skills didn’t go to waste. Except he didn’t tell you he was that good, though a part of you was glad for the surprise. You supposed it added to the way your heart glittered with every note he sang. If you knew, it wouldn’t have been as special.

Amalia anxiously turned around in her seat to ask you how you thought it went, looking genuinely concerned and worried just like you knew she’d be. You and the gang tried your hardest to console her but you were rather distracted noticing Jacob. His hands were once again in his pocket, Sunday’s best suiting him well. His blue slacks were well fitted, white long-sleeved shirt loose fitting and tucked in. The jacket he had on top was left on his chair next to his guitar.

“What are you doing here? Is the rest of your family here?” He looked over your head for a few moments, probably for Haymond, before his eyes rested on yours. They were such a sweet brown, like chocolate melted in swirls of honey. Amalia gaped at you.

“I came with my friends,” you explained, motioning to the drop-jawed girl shyly, “we had a sleepover so it was only fair to come.”

“All of you?” Jacob’s eyes scanned the group, looking surprised before smiling brightly again. “Did you enjoy at least?”

There were some murmurs of agreement. Sunwoo hardly looked too impressed but Hyunjoon and Jace covered it up well, being polite as always. Shankeri wouldn’t even look up at him, too embarrassed. Your hand on her back seemed to soothe her slightly as she just nodded.

“It’s really nice seeing new faces. It helps keep my playing skills in check,” Jacob continued, looking back at his guitar as he spoke.

“You’re always really good though,” Amalia helped, trying hard to make a good impression. Her back was straighter and she was brighter than before.

“Oh, th-thank you,” he stuttered, getting easily embarrassed at the compliment. The way redness showed on his skin made you melt and you thought that you could get used to seeing him like this.

“It’s really nothing but practice.”

“Are you thinking of going into music?” Sunwoo asked, which surprised you. He was usually not one for talking to people he didn’t know- or didn’t want to know.

“Oh god, not now,” Amalia whined, stopping him before he started talking about his rap skills and tugging him away. The two bickered to the side of you, Jacob turning and giving you a knowing look. Smiles tugged at both of your lips, your fingers entwined behind your back as you held back your laugh.

“Sorry about him, he’s an aspiring rapper and will ask literally anyone to look at his work.”

Jacob chuckled at this, skin beside his eyes wrinkling as he looked at Sunwoo then back to you. “You must be good friends then if you still talk to him after hearing him rap.”

You snorted. “You don’t even know the half of it.”

A little beat of silence jumped between you two before Jacob said, “well hey, you should stay for the potluck we have after. There’s going to be a garage sale and a few other fun things going on today. All proceeds go to a local youth shelter.”

With a frown, you hated to say, “I can’t. I’ve got to get home and do my homework before my family kills me.”

That only seemed to make him chuckle again, your joke not being taken seriously. All he did was shrug and say that you would have to catch it next time. You agreed wholeheartedly, hoping to see him around more often than not. As he was bidding you goodbye, your friends called you over to go. Amalia’s parents were going to stay so everyone would have to walk back together and they were just itching to go.

“They seem like they’re in a rush so I’ll see you later, y/n,” Jacob promised, letting it slip that he would be coming over for dinner again in a few weekends. You held onto his promise, waving goodbye before rushing to meet your friends with a silly smile on your face.

“You get so happy about the weirdest things,” Jace pointed out as Sunwoo poked your cheek. You only slapped his hand away, brushing off what Jace said without a second thought as you rushed up to grasp Amalia’s hand and hold it on the walk back to her house.

I know you didn’t mean to tell my family about the sleepover the following weekend. You only brought it up because I brought up the fact that you could sing and really, I dug myself a hole there. That isn’t your fault at all; but I appreciate you trying to cover up for me. That was an awkward dinner as well. I’m sorry for how many of those I put you through from there on out, stale responses coming from my parents when asked about seeing you perform again. It’s really a shame though, that I never got to go again to see you.

Maybe that’s why I took up guitar and approached you in school to ask if you would teach me. I think that was one of the bravest things I’ve done so far. I think Eric would be proud of me for it, and for keeping up with lessons and really trying. You really did me a favour too and showed me something else I love to do. Thank you for that too.

Early April, 2015

“I’m sorry again, y/n,” Jacob whispered, fixing the straps of his guitar case on his shoulders as he kicked off his shoes. He bent at the knees, crouching to not hit his guitar on anything as he straightened them and placed them on the mat.

You’d been on house arrest ever since your parents found out you had a sleepover with all those boys at Amalia’s house, and had your phone taken away as further punishment for not telling them. It was a fair punishment, you couldn’t lie, but that didn’t make you any less miserable. The only solace you had was going to school, where you could see your friends and complain, and then those few guitar lessons you’d picked up thanks to Jacob.

Shaking your head, you clicked your tongue, saying, “it’s really not your fault, you didn’t do it on purpose and you didn’t know. It’s my fault for lying to my parents.”

With a laugh, the brown haired boy fixed you with a curious look. “You’re the most responsible freshman I know.”

“i’m going into grade ten,” you mumbled, shy and caged into your sweater as you walked him into your living room. This was the only place your parents would let you have lessons, definitely not trusting you enough to let you into your bedroom alone. They didn’t doubt him at all, knowing how respectful he was, but you? There was no telling what other schemes you were up to.

Haymond was your supervisor but he was upstairs with Juyeon, playing video games and laughing. You doubted he even knew Jacob was over, hardly coming out of his room if your parents weren’t home. If he did, he was out of the house entirely, hanging out with friends and basking in the spring sun. With a bitter thought, you frowned at the thought of Haymond having this much fun and you hardly getting to talk to Amalia and the gang. You hadn’t face-timed Eric in a while either and it was giving you major withdrawals.

“I’m glad your parents at least let you play guitar,” Jacob said, taking the instrument from his back and placing the case on the floor beside your sofa. You sat down sheepishly beside him as he worked the glazed wood from its shelling and placed it under his arms. He strummed once or twice, nodding at the sound before handing it to you.

It was a little big but Jacob said you’d grow into it, getting used to the way it felt under your arms and pressing into the sensitive skin there. You weren’t so sure, but you were glad he let you his newer acoustic whenever he came over to teach. He plucked his older, worn one from its stand across the room and sat down.

“Alright, let’s start from the beginning then.”

Honestly, you weren’t sure any of what you were playing made sense or if it sounded right. He told you chords and your fingers fell in place but sometimes sound reverberated in ways you knew they shouldn’t and it caused your hands to sweat. Slowly, your fingers would slip and start to ache. It wasn’t like you knew exactly what you were doing or had much of an incline to music but you did want to learn. You wanted to make something pretty out of your own hands but it was proving harder and harder to do.

“No, you’ve got to make almost like a claw here,” Jacob directed, soft and entirely patient with you. He asked if he could touch your hand before reaching out and placing it exactly in place. “Now strum.”

The sound came out almost perfect, which caused big grins to appear on both of your faces. “See? You’re good, you just need some practice.”

Without noticing the time, you two spent time together sharing few words and exchanging music tunes as best as you could. As the sun was starting to go down, Jacob ended up lying on the floor as he stared at the ceiling, playing along to a song he’d taught you. You were supposed to do the basics and he was to do all the harder bits layered on top. You couldn’t look at him but you hoped he was smiling as you played, your fingers hardly missing a beat. When you strung your last chord, he lifted his head a bit and moved his hand to give you a thumbs up.

“Y/n, that was honestly amazing,” he praised, struggling a bit but bending successfully at the waist and sitting up straight, “like so much better than last time we practiced- even better than the last half hour.”

You couldn’t help the heat that forced its way to the top of your skin but the smile that stretched across your teeth was something uncontrollable. Jacob extended his hand and you pressed your palms against each others, sound ricocheting through your house.

“It’s all because I have this great teacher,” you said back, hoping he’d understand the sentiment behind it. Jacob whistled through his teeth, pushing his lips forwards and shaking his head.

“A teacher is nothing without his student, young padawan.” His fake formality brought a slight chuckle to both of your lips and then silence fell through. The air was heavy with everything you wanted to say to him as he looked at you for a brief moment before splitting the gaze and going to pack up.

“Wait,” you called, hoping it wouldn’t be too forwards. Jacob gave you a slight look, eyebrows raising. Sheepish again, you withdrew into yourself slightly and offered, “do you want to have some dinner or something before you leave?”

He thought on it for a moment before nodding. “Sure.”

There wasn’t always much to say when you two were together, your tongue getting tied around itself in ways you didn’t know it could. It was different having a crush on someone so close to you, someone so accessible who offered to do things for you like guitar lessons and covering up for your sleepovers next time. Someone so present in your life made your feelings grow like a flower in cultivated soil, where all the conditions were right. Every action made your heart swell. Every smile caused your heart to beat faster. Even as he reached to grab the pizza pocket from your hand and brushed his fingers against yours made shivers run up your spine.

Perhaps you were pining for someone unlikely but that didn’t stop you from imagining what it would be like to press your lips against his for a split second. Would you both be shy, three years from now when you had that first kiss? Your brain placed the two of you in a future where you danced around a kitchen of your own and you played guitar together more often than not. Him offering to wash the dishes didn’t particularly help, or how he cleaned up after himself.

“Mom says I get this from her but mostly, I just feel like it’s right I do it. I can’t be in someone’s house, make a mess, and then not fix it.”

He was wiping down the counters as you cleaned out the microwave and you nodded.

“Momma’s boy,” you managed to joke, shooting him a silly grin. He gaped at you, feigning surprise at your joke but laughing along anyways.

He was kind when he was with you, softer than what he was like around his friends. You wondered why he changed that way as you walked him to the front door, Haymond and Juyeon also making their way out the door.

“Where are you going?” you asked your brother, who didn’t respond. Juyeon, being just a bit more considerate, told you they were going to the local diner for dinner. You just nodded, knowing your parents would give Haymond hell for eating out when you were supposed to have dinner together. As Jacob put on his shoes, he kept quiet. The last thing he donned was his guitar, tightening the straps on his shoulders before giving everyone a smile.

“Thanks for coming,” you said, grinning brightly. Haymond poked into your cheek as you did so, walking past you with his shoes on to get something from his room.

Jacob watched you get annoyed, shooting daggers at your brother with your stare, and chuckled, saying, “it’s no problem. Keep practicing and you’ll get better than me.”

You only nodded, shy again as your eyes looked down to your feet. “I’ll still need a teacher though.”

“That’s why I’ll see you in two weeks, kiddo,” Jacob promised, eyes bright under the lights of the hallway. The nickname gave you a pang of hurt, a realization of the age difference and how he must have seen you. You were just a kid, three years younger than him and nothing more than a student. If you squinted really hard, maybe you could picture you two as having a sibling relationship in his head. Both situations made your heart grim.

With a wave, he was gone and walking down the street to his home. Juyeon looked after him, waiting for Haymond at the door since he had his shoes one. As you closed the door, Juyeon murmured, “you did sound really good.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Haymond made me stop playing music while we were playing games to listen to you guys,” Juyeon explained, giving you a nod as his hands fiddled with the keys in his hands, “you sounded really good.”

“O-oh,” was all you could think of saying, suddenly getting shy again. As you bid Juyeon goodbye, you began your walk up your stairs with a smile. Hardly believing Haymond had stopped playing music just for you, a little hop came up in your step. You couldn’t wait to tell Eric and Amalia all about it.

The end of the school year almost made you a stranger. I never saw you around school because you finished exams earlier than freshman did. When I did see you, you were preparing for university and moving to the capital city. To be honest, I was kind of jealous of you because I wanted to be doing all those things too. You, Younghoon, and Sangyeon would soon be leaving and suddenly, other people would be replacing you. It didn’t feel right and seeing that era end made me sad.

But I looked forwards to every weekend my parents told me you were coming over.

Mid-August 2015

It was one of the last dinners you and Jacob would be having together this year. Haymond, who had regained most of the strength in his legs over the summer, was back to teasing you as he ran down the stairs and out of your reach. You would jog down a few, threatening to catch him but he would just laugh and run through the front door. Barly followed, barking happily as your parents bummed around in the kitchen, waiting for your guests.

“Dad, if you could disown Haymond, I would be very grateful,” you called down the stairs, grumbling before walking back into your room to give yourself one last look over.

“No such luck this time,” your dad responded, joking, “maybe next time we take out the trash though.”

There was a light tapping sound, most likely from your mother smacking her hand against his shoulder but he just laughed that it was a good joke. Your mother wouldn’t agree and your ears tuned out of that conversation and into your own head. Music played lightly from your phone which rested on the nightstand between your bed and mirror. The setting sun in the back reflected off the glass and caused you to squint as you stared at your reflection. A mustard, loose blouse hung off your shoulders and capri jeans were snuggly fit on your body and, what you thought was cute, looked horrible to you now. All you wanted to do was hide under your bedsheets and pull the drapes shut, hiding from the whole world.

Caring this much about what someone else thought of you made you feel vain, like you were trying to gain the approval of someone else- trying to validate your existence in the eyes of someone else. It felt ridiculous and you hated every bit of it, even the bit that knew that wasn’t true. You didn’t want to feel validated, you just wanted him to pay attention to you because you were worth being paid attention to. At least, you hoped you were.

With a frown and despite the heat, you went to grab your hoodie from inside your closet but the racket of voices distracted you. Being pulled downstairs by the rope of your name, you were instantly in a flurry of hugs and cheek kisses and laughter as Jacob’s mother pressed on about how much taller you’d gotten since she last saw you two weeks ago and his grandfather tried to sneak you a lollipop as if it was supposed to make you happier. You lived through the niceties and the loudness, glad to see Jacob talking outside with Haymond and Jaehyun, who had grown into his role as semi-permanent dog-sitter for your family.

Jacob turned his head to the side for a moment, Jeff’s body blocking your view as he said hello politely and walked on through your home. When you met eyes again, he smiled widely and waved before turning back to his conversation.

Barly, who had been running around, came to sit by you as you took a seat on the porch, pretending to have something to do. Your phone was left upstairs stupidly so you just tried to wipe at the foldable seats with your hand. Barly kept looking up at you and then what you were doing, barking randomly as you shushed lightly.

“Please stop, Barly, I need to look casual,” you whispered, giving him a look but he just barked again.

“Look casual?” His voice stopped you from saying anything more, a bit of a laugh in it. “What are you doing, huh? Eavesdropping?”

“N-no!” you quickly tried to protest, turning to face Jaehyun, who had his hands pressed against the wall and his back against them. He had a dumb smile on his face.

“It’s okay, I’ll keep your secret, spy.” His gaze was elsewhere, on the scene unfolding before they landed on Barly, whose paws went right on his shirt. Jaehyun smiled wider, bringing his head down closer to get little kisses from your dog. His hands were now in Barly’s fur, rubbing circles behind his ear.

“What’s with you and dogs?” you couldn’t help but ask. Jaehyun’s one eye opened, focusing on you as best as he could as he turned his head.

“They’re my favourite animal,” he answered simply, pressing back, “what’s not with you and dogs?”

“Ha ha,” you deadpanned, looking back at Jacob and Haymond, who had somehow found a basketball and were paying around with it.

“You like him, don’t you?”

You blinked, returning your gaze to the wall but he wasn’t there anymore. He had slid to the floor, where Barly was lying on top of his legs. You could feel the heat that came up your skin from embarrassment, eyes not meeting his as you knelt to the floor to scratch at your pet as well.

“I’ll keep it a secret too,” he seemed to promise, though you weren’t quite sure why you’d trust him. After all, him and Jacob were close friends, you had no say in what he could or could not tell him.

“You shouldn’t make it too obvious though. Staring at people gets kind of weird, you know?”

“Thanks for the advice,” you mumbled, feeling more and more embarrassed as he spoke and not at all thankful. Your eyes met your dogs, whose tongue was seeping out of his mouth, which was in the biggest smile.

After a moment of thought, you brought yourself to say, “do you want to stay for dinner? You’re here anyways.”

His features softened and he nodded. “I’d like that a lot.”

Dinner passed by seamlessly. Everything was just the right speed, conversation flowing like a river passes over its known routes. The only little rocks were Jaehyun’s little jokes which didn’t seem to land with anyone else but you and Jacob, who made eye contact across the table. However, your mum didn’t seem too upset about your invitation, bringing it up as you brought the dishes over to the sink. She turned the tap on, running it so people couldn’t hear what she was saying.

“It’s nice that you invited Jaehyun over for dinner,” she began, bending to get the soap and gloves from under the sink. When you didn’t say anything in response, your mother felt the need to elaborate.

Her voice getting lower, she murmured, “it just must be hard seeing us having these parties all the time. I don’t know why I didn’t think of inviting him over earlier. His parents are always out of town and even kept him back from school a year. I imagine he must feel very alone. Why do you think he comes over to visit Barly all the t-”

“Mrs. y/l/n,” Jacob interrupted, bringing in the last of the dishes with a light smile, “if it’s okay with you, I’ll wash the dishes this time again.”

“O-oh no, you couldn’t possibly, it’s not right. You’re my guest,” your mother laughed nervously, obviously worried Jacob had heard what she was saying. You kept your eyes trained on the ground, hoping your mother hadn’t been rude and Jacob didn’t think you were gossiping.

“And as your guest, I have to do something for you. Especially after such a great dinner,” he continued, coming closer to you as he placed the plates beside the sink. His hand brushed against yours on the way and you had to ignore the way it caused your skin to tingle. Your mother was placed in a difficult situation, especially as Mrs. Bae came and dragged her away.

“You’d think after the last five times you’d stop resisting but no,” his mother hummed, shaking her head and continuing her little lecture. Most of it consisted of how she brought up Jacob to be respectful and it would mean the world to her if he could wash the dishes. You and Jacob were silent, the water running the only sound for a beat. You were looking at your nails, worried he might judge you before he striked a little conversation.

“How’s the guitar sounding? Are the lessons I recommended working?”

From there, you moved lightly from dish to dish, utensil to utensil, working through them with idle conversation and sweet smiles. He washed and you dried, setting everything in piles to be easily put away at the end. He asked about everything, and apologized again for snitching on you.

“You really didn’t know, you don’t have to apologize,” you laughed, getting into the swing of the conversation and giving his shoulder a little push. He grinned at this, splashing water at your face just so a bit got on your skin. You were shocked at how easy it was, being his friend and talking so closely with him. You nearly dipped your hands into the water to spray him back but decided against it, fear gripping you for the moment; and then it passed and you were back to a little silence.

Jacob seemed to have difficulty bringing up his next point, looking a bit troubled before he murmured very lowly, “about Jaehyun, I want to say thank you too.”

Upon hearing it, your eyes widened. A bowl nearly slipped from the cloth you were using to dry the dishes but you caught it well, wishing to disappear more and more with each passing second you made a fool of yourself.

“Your mom wasn’t wrong. I’m just glad you could bring him over this time. I think it made him feel a bit better about today.”

You wanted to ask what today was, if there was any significance at all, but didn’t know your place. So many thoughts wheeled around your head, trying to take in all the information your mother and Jacob had given you without jumping to conclusions. All you decided on was that you should be kinder to Jaehyun. He had more layers than you knew about.

Once again, you had nothing to say so you just waited. Birds chirped their final goodbyes for the night, the sun now almost gone. Crimson painted its way across the floor from your open backyard door, the mesh separating the outside world from you and Jacob. Everyone was out there, sipping tea from the large kettle your father helped prepare. Chatter seemed soft and kind and you wondered when you would experience this again.

“You know,” you began almost soundlessly, voice growing to normal as you continued, “I feel like my life consists of me just waiting on things to happen. Good stuff happens to me and I just keep waiting and waiting for the next one. Is that was life is supposed to be like?”

Jacob blinked, scrubbing at the sink as his finishing touch, and didn’t respond. The gears in his mind clinked as he tried to think of what to say, words coming together slowly but surely. “The way I see it, life is filled with all the big events that you wait for but those aren’t the best part. You look back on it and see that everything in between is what makes the event good but the waiting is better.”

“It feels like I’m wasting time though,” you couldn’t help but say, eyes now focused on your feet.

“Someone once told me time wasted is time well spent.”

His hand, gloveless and warm, fell on your shoulder. It gave you reason to look him in the eye, his closeness something you never would have expected. His eyes were a deeper brown than you’d ever seen them before and you couldn’t rip your gaze from them even if you tried.

“You don’t have to feel like you’re wasting time, even if you’re just idle. Sometimes it’s what you need. Waiting isn’t a punishment, it’s inevitable. It all depends on how you look at it and what you do with the days or months or years between the fun stuff,” he said, suddenly sounding older and wiser than you ever anticipated. It made you scared but also comforted. He understood what you were saying and was somehow giving you advice that could fix those weird, mumbled emotions that made you feel sick at 4 a.m. when monsters come out to play.

“Life is made of the little things,” you mumbled, trying to recap what he said as simply as possible. To that, he nodded, leaning his back against the sink so his eyes could see what you were looking at.

Though you weren’t sure if he saw the same thing, he seemed to understand as he watched everyone laughing and the exchanges going on. It was all so simple and yet, it made the redness of the setting sun less terrifying and more inviting.

“Jacob?”

His voice came through in a little hum, soft and quiet.

“Thank you.”

Giving you a little smile, his arms wrapped around you lightly, shielding you for a moment before he pulled away. As he went to putting away the dishes, you followed, listening to him murmur, “no problem, kiddo.”

This time, the nickname didn’t really bother you.

I like to think I grew out of my childish love for you, though I know that every time I see your face on Instagram, smile wide and laughing, or serious as you play the guitar, I might never escape it. You’ll always every special to me because you taught me what it meant to be kind. I admire how you’re so kind to everyone. It inspires me to be a better person. You always went out of your way to do things for other people, to make people feel better or relax. You even helped me talk through some things I didn’t even know were bothering me when you didn’t have to. That means a lot to me, even now. I see myself becoming a nicer person from here on out.

I want to be good to people, like you are. I want to make people remember me as someone who touched their hearts just like people remember you for the light you shine on the world. I’ll do my best to make you proud, Jacob. I promise I will.

From, y/n y/l/n on August 23rd, 2015

p.s. I’m keeping up with the guitar. Even though it started off as something I wanted to do to impress you, I think I’ll stick with it. In a weird way, it makes me feel a lot better. Promise to keep you posted on my progress!

“Well that certainly was different than what I expected.”

His mum broke the silence first. All Jacob could do was nod, not knowing what else to say. He never knew you felt this way; you never gave any inkling. Not that there was anything he could do about it, the age difference was much too big for his liking in high school. Though, he supposed you never told because you didn’t want to ruin the friendship you had with him. In fact, you’d even said that, hadn’t you?

“Did you know she-?”

The woman beside him shook her head, taking a deep sip from her tea and exhaling before saying a simple, “wow.”

“She was really packing some emotions, huh?” Jacob attempted, hoping it would cause a little laugh. His mother only seemed perplexed though, deep in thought. Jacob’s eyebrows furrowed, giving his mum a small look. “Hey, you okay?”

“Hmm?” She seemed to have snapped out of her thoughts in a second before simply nodding and getting up. She seemed in a hurry to get out of his room all of the sudden, straightening her dress and grasping his half empty cup. “Yes, dear, just fine. Think I’m going to get started on dinner then.”

“Mum?”

“Hmm?” She was stopped in his doorway, an odd look on her face. She seemed a bit cloudy and entirely out of it- not at all cheery and fun as she was just moments ago. Jacob’s forehead crinkled in concentration.

“Is everything okay?”

There was now pain in her eyes, a bit of a worry sapping at her skin. Her bottom lip quivered just slightly and Jacob didn’t know why- he couldn’t know why. All he did was drop his letter on the table as he went to give his mum a hug, the big woman now genuinely sad.

“I don’t think so, dear. You see-”

“Mom?” His brother’s voice was loud, hoping to travel throughout the whole building. “Jacob?”

Thankful for the opportunity to drop the subject, Jacob’s mother only gave him a sweet smile, murmuring something about telling him later. Then, she bustled down the hall and stairs, calling after Jeff and fussing as usual.

“Your hair is a mess!” she shrieked, though it was just her normal speaking voice. Whatever it was on his mother’s mind seemed to have left it just as quick and Jacob hoped it wasn’t so bad.

Placing the letter softly on his bedside table, Jacob thought for a moment before pulling out his phone. A quick little message was all he needed to send; just a sweet little hello. It took all of his hoping that you would respond. As he cast his phone to the side, ready to go downstairs and greet his brother after a long time apart, he had a little smile. He didn’t see how his phone lit up seconds later, one little box popping up on his screen.

Y/n, 2:40 p.m: Message Failed to Send.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Eighty-Six: Trickle Down ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Hyūga Hanabi, Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Shisui, Uchiha Manami ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

Is it really a proper Summer vacation unless you go somewhere water-related? And of course, if you want to go full cliche, you go to the beach.

And that’s exactly where they’re headed.

In all honesty, Sasuke’s surprised Hiashi agreed. Though that technically might have to do with the fact that he’s yet unaware about the fact that his daughter is dating one of the three boys she’s been given permission to travel with.

Him, specifically.

Hanabi is also with them, the little tagalong. It would hardly be fair to keep her away, after all. Technically there are four adults in the arrangement to keep an eye on them: his aunt Manami, her son Shisui, and of course Itachi. And much to Sasuke’s surprise...Itachi brings someone along.

A girl.

But, Sasuke’s not one to butt into his brother’s business. All he knows is that Manami drives himself, Hinata, and Hanabi. Everyone arrives on their own to the beach two hours from their home suburb. 

It’s actually been a few years since he bothered to go. They’ve even got overnight rooms, having the rest of tomorrow until the drive home that night. The only arrangement he’s aware of so far is the girls having a room...minus Manami, who’s splurging on her own. He’s assuming the boys will then be left to their own devices.

Which is wonderful...because Shisui snores like a bear.

But at least it’s just one night. For now, they have the entire day ahead of them, having left fairly early this morning.

Dressed in a button-up blouse and a skirt, Hinata emerges from the car and holds a hand to her brow, shielding her eyes as she looks over the beachfront. It’s...rather crowded, but what can you expect? “Wow…! I can’t remember the last time I was here!”

“Look at all the people,” Hanabi marvels, mirroring her sister’s pose.

“Yeah...be careful not to get lost, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah...I’m not a baby. And I’ve got my phone, I can always text you.”

Hinata wilts a bit at the girl’s flippant attitude, but in the end just gives a small sigh. “...grab your bag, we need to go check in.”

The group heads inside, Manami handling the rooms. While the rest of them wait, Sasuke brightens as Itachi and his...friend arrive. “Hey, you made it.”

“Traffic was a bit hectic, but yes, we’re here,” the elder brother replies, smiling. Turning to the sisters, he softens. “It’s good to see you two again. It really has been a while.”

Hinata gives a dipping nod. “You look well, Itachi! How’s college going?”

“It’s...going.” A tinge of sheepishness tinges his expression. “Let’s just say I was eager for Summer to arrive.”

“You’re working though, right?” Sasuke asks, hands in his pockets.

“I am. Just part time - on a week, off a week. Thankfully Manami’s plans lined up perfectly.”

As the brothers chat, the girls take to their own conversation. Already Hinata seems rather enamored with Itachi’s companion...which Sasuke can’t help but perk a brow at.

“...I’m glad you two are speaking again,” Itachi then offers softly, drawing his brother’s gaze. “I know it pained you to go without her friendship for so long.”

“Yeah, well...I had my own shit to sort out,” Sasuke mutters in reply. “But yeah...me too.”

There’s a knowing curiosity in Itachi’s eyes, and he then asks, “...so, is this little getaway a platonic one, or…?”

Stiffening a hair, Sasuke’s cheeks dust pink. “W...what’s that supposed to mean?”

Clearly already understanding, Itachi smiles. “...just a kind of...intuition. Manami told me you’ve been spending quite a bit of time together. Including after curfew.”

“Uh...she knows about that?”

“Oh please, Sasuke: she’s ex military. You really think you could sneak out of that house without her knowing?”

Mouth opening to speak, Sasuke instead squawks as an arm lands over his shoulders. “Hey!” Shisui cuts in with a gleaming grin. “What’re you two chattin’ about?”

“Your mother’s uncanny ability to know every little thing that happens in her house,” Itachi explains dryly.

“Ooh, yeah...no avoiding those hawk-like eyes, I tell ya. Sasuke get busted for sneaking out again?”

Scowling, he ducks out from under his cousin’s grip. “Busted, no...at least, I’m not in trouble.”

“She knows you’re not dumb enough to...well, do something dumb. Probably just figures you’re out for a stroll in the quiet,” Shisui offers.

“Exactly…”

Glancing to the group, the eldest then asks, “So am I the only one without a date, or…?”

“Seems that way,” Itachi teases with a hint of a grin.

“Maybe I’ll find one out on the beach, eh? Once I stride out there in my speedo, they’ll have to peel the women off me,” Shisui retorts, cracking another good-humored smile.

“Please God tell me you aren’t actually going to wear a speedo,” Sasuke deadpans.

“I mean -”

“Come on, guys!” Manami then calls, turning them all to the counter. “Rooms are booked, let’s go settle in! Then we’ll hit the beach, okay?”

Hanabi gives a whoop, following close behind as the rest trail after her. As arranged, the girls take their room, the boys to another, and Manami to her own. “Meet back out here in twenty, and we’ll head down together.”

Nodding, Sasuke hauls his bag into the assigned room, finding two beds. Seems he’ll be bunking with his brother like the old days. Getting right to the point, they all change into swim gear...and Sasuke mentally sighs in relief when Shisui pulls out trunks like the rest of them. He did not want to see that man in a speedo…

Once enough time passes, they head into the hall with towels in tow, meeting the rest of the group. Manami simply rocks a tank and shorts, prosthetic in clear view. Hanabi dons a white one-piece, an innertube around her waist. And both of the older girls are...still dressed?

“You not gonna swim?” Sasuke asks.

“No, I just…” Hinata goes pink. “I’ve got my suit on under. I wanted to wear this down to the beach for...for a while.”

A blink. “...okay.”

Herd assembled, they squish back into an elevator and head out toward the sand. Hanabi takes off at a dead run, prompting Hinata to chase. “Hanabiii! Slow down!”

Manami crows in laughter, everyone else sighing. “I’m so glad none of you three are that young anymore…”

“Hey, I’m still twelve at heart,” Shisui retorts.

“True, but you’re also physically a legal adult and pay for your own medical bills if you were to sprint, fall, and break something,” she counters with a grin that matches his own. “Feel free to act twelve all you want.”

Both brothers snicker as Shisui pouts. “Love you too, Mom,” he mutters.

Eventually they catch up with the sisters. Hanabi’s already in the water, floating with her tube. Hinata’s laid claim to a pair of umbrellas, somehow not taken...but also a good deal distant from the hotel entrance.

“All right, you all head into the water...I’m gonna sit in the shade and read,” Manami declares, throwing down her towel and making to do just that. Itachi and his date decide to wait a bit as well, leaving Sasuke to try to convince Hinata to ditch her clothes and go swim as Shisui just...barrels out with a warcry. 

“Come on, you can’t go to a beach and not swim.”

“S-sure you can!”

“...what, are you self-conscious? Hinata, you’re fine, just -”

“So what if I am?” she cuts in, once again pink in the face. “I just...d-don’t like being so...undressed.”

“What about me? I’ve basically just got long boxers on.”

“I do n-not want to think about that…!”

“Come on,” he offers, practically whining. “I wanna see your suit.”

“It...it’s nothing special.”

“Knowing you, I bet it’s adorable.”

Looking shy at the compliment, Hinata hesitates another moment before sighing, working the buttons of her blouse. Under is a tank-like top: white with sunflower prints. And once she peels off her skirt, there’s a high-waisted bottom, the same warm yellow.

“...I like it,” he offers. “But man, you need more sun.”

“W-what?”

“You’re so pale!”

Her cheeks puff with a pout. “...well the only time I seem to go out anymore is a-after dark!”

That earns a grin. True...he drags her out so late, she probably doesn’t do much else for being tired. “...fair enough.”

Once they’re both lathered with sunscreen (Hinata having already tended to her sister), he coaxes her out from under the umbrella. “C’mon, we’ll get in the water and then no one can see you.”

“B-but -?”

“No one’s gonna be looking at you, anyway - they’re all doing their own thing. The only eyes you gotta worry about are mine,” Sasuke teases, earning a slap against his shoulder.

Making it to the waves, they stride in to their knees, Hinata squealing at the cold. “This...this is a mistake!”

“No way - you’re not backing out now.”

“But -?”

Scooping her up, Sasuke ignores her protests and carries her further in before just...throwing her.

“Wah -!”

Sploosh!

Scrambling for the surface, she stands in the now chest deep water, dripping wet. “You...you…!”

He just grins, ducking behind arms as she splashes him. “Looking a little drenched there, Hina.”

“I’m gonna k-kill you!”

They mock fight for a bit, ocean spraying at each strike of a hand before it devolves into laughing and chasing. But it’s not long before the novelty wears off, and Sasuke suggests heading up to dry off for a bit.

“Okay...good idea.” Taking the lead, Hinata wrings out her hair as they emerge from the water.

A few paces behind, Sasuke mops it from his face before his gaze gets a bit...caught up in the way water trickles down Hinata’s back and legs.

...oh.

Shisui and Hanabi are still in the water, and Sasuke notices the elder pair have disappeared...but he doesn’t see them in the waves. Eyes narrowing a bit, he forgets as Hinata gestures for him to sit. Manami, true to her word, is still reading...and clearly ignores the couple a few towels over.

“That was fun!”

“Told you,” Sasuke teases.

Out sticks her tongue. “There’s a pool too, right?”

“I think so.”

“We’ll have to try it later. For now I’m a little swimmed out.” A pause. “...swum out? I’ve...had enough swimming.”

Snorting, he just reclines on his towel, deciding to doze for a bit until they get led to their next activity. Hearing Hinata do the same beside him, he cracks an eye, finding her pinkie with his.

She grips it back, a subtle smile growing as her eyes close.

Yeah...this was a good idea.

                                                         .oOo.

     Not...too much to say about this? Just your basic day at the beach kinda fic, featuring...lots of family xD This is technically part of the "Neighbors" sub modern AU. I still need to go back through all these and make sub lists for the mini 'stories', I just...haven't had the time, especially with now 186 of them to go through...I will eventually! Just...not likely for a while, aha ;;;;;      But yeah! It's late, and I've had a busy day with another one coming up, so that's all outta me for now. Thanks for reading!

[lizord-lord]

The Invisible Language

(This is a vent fic. I was struggling with having to dump a friend yesterday and it got me dwelling on my social struggles..and so I tried my hand at actually writing a fic to project all my problems through! XD)

(For anyone who doesn’t know, I have autism-Aspergers specifically, and I totally 100% headcanon Logan as an aspie. I have this post detailing why. So..for those of you who also stan autistuc Logan (and maybe a bit of ADHD Roman) here is this, me basically throwing my entire life story on our poor nerd and I am so sorry but also not XD. Also, the book I mentioned is very real, and I actually own it. It’s really useful, if a bit dated and heteronormative)

Warnings: Descriptions of sensory overload (similar to a panic attack) social struggles, very brief mention of selfharm, mentions of fistfights and minor physical violence.

Ships: none, but you can probably see my logicality heart in there lmao

The Invisible Language.

It was all just so complicated now.

Or rather, now he knew how complicated it was.

Before, Logan had always just thought he was bad with people. That was fine. It fit, with his habit of staying inside with his nose in a book. The socially awkward, introverted nerd who wasn’t good with kids.

It was simple.

But that’s the thing. Life isn’t simple. And neither was Logan. Even as a six year old.

The socially awkward, introverted nerd, from what he’d seen on tv, would have cried or just silently tried to make due when another kid ‘accidentally’ spilled tomato juice all over his copy of Alice in Wonderland. Logan Sanders leapt from his desk, grabbed the kid’s wrist, and yanked him down so his head smashed into the wood.

The socially awkward one was laughed at. Logan was sent to the office.

Time and time again this would happen. Until he turned eight, and his parents pulled him out of school. He was homeschooled after that, and it was simultaneously like a breath of fresh air and entering a stifling hot room. He was free of the children, free to discover on his own, but he found himself itching for more, to ask questions about things his parents could answer, to do projects he’d heard about online but often ended up screaming in his attempts to recreate them because it wasn’t explained, why this, why that, how do I do that, it doesn’t make sense!!

Homeschooling was a blessing and a curse. He made due. He did well in fact, almost all of his online courses were marked complete with a neat 100 for the score. It was enough for them, but not for him.  Eight year old Logan hated it. Ten year old Logan was used to it.

Eleven year old Logan dug his heels into it.

Middle school. His parents wanted to send him back. He understood their reasoning, the rational half of his brain did. Middle school was a big change, adolescence, and the middle ground before high school, which he always knew he would be going to-you can’t get college credit from online courses and library books after all, not the ones he was using. It would give him time to prepare. And yet he was a creature of habit, so used to his solitary life..

Logan has no choice however.

On the first day he stepped inside, armed with only the knowledge of American Girl books he’d skimmed through (who cared if they were meant for girls, they didn’t write helpful guides for boys!) and distant memories of elementary school. The first weeks went by as a blur, and Logan ate it up. The assignments, the grades, the smirk he always found himself wearing when he placed his assignments in the bin. That triumph didn’t even compare to the rush of pride and satisfaction he felt when the teacher told the class that he test they’d been given was apparently too hard, many kids failed and only one student actually got a perfect score, and his paper was handed back with a 100 written on the top.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t hold the paper up a bit and catch the eyes of the numerous people who stared at him with no surprise in their eyes.

Logan even found friends in those first few weeks. A darkly dressed kid who, much like him, never really knew where to go during paired projects and ended up working with him. He found that Virgil was actually very bright, a relief when he looked around the room to see people talking and not doing anything useful. The pale boy was quiet, but listened as Logan chattered away about his  plans for the assignment.

Patton was next, a round-faced boy who seemed to share at least a few words with everyone he saw. Logan didn’t mind that. He wasn’t a lazy student, maybe a bit easily distracted, but when he was sat next to Logan in science his work quality was always at least a solid B, as long as he was shushed every now and again. He seemed better with people too, and Logan found himself enjoying his company.

Then there was Roman. He was introduced to their little trio by Patton, who apparently shared a drama class with the tanned boy. He was..a handful. And yet Logan found himself challenged by him. Their friendship was an unusual one, full of debates that more often than not ended in yelling, but at least they started off with intelligent points and interesting ideas-and if often Patton had to break off their passion so neither of them landed with lunch detention, well that was the price to pay.

He was enjoying himself here.

Then the second month. Logan remembered where he was when a redheaded girl told him he was wrong in that ‘you’re a moron’ tone when he told her that actually, the word for the study of space was astronomy, not astrology. When a boy in a green sweater had blatantly ignored him when he asked him to stop scooting his chair across the hard floors. When an entire group of people had continued to call him Logie even though he’d told them over and over he hated it. Many of them seemed to do it just because it annoyed him. This went on. Every day another simpleton would disrespect him. Every day he’d tell him to stop. Often he’d snap at them, or swear. That always got him snickers in return. And Logan found himself clenching his fists as his whole body burned red hot.

It happened again a week after this started. A boy with a Minecraft t-shirt cut him off in the lunch line, and when Logan told him to go to the end, the boy only scoffed and responded with “Are you in kindergarten?” in a tone that made his blood boil with how fucking snotty it was.

Logan’s hand was fisted in the back of that obnoxious t-shirt and pulling back with all its might before he could think.

The boy ended up on the floor crying, and Logan ended up suspended.

There were more incidents that year. Mostly yelling or swearing, but minor physical violence was not unheard of. It was common even.

Logan didn’t want that. He wanted to be cool, to drop the bullies and idiots with bullets of intelligence from his tongue, but everything he tried a witty comeback they’d give him either confused looks, no acknowledgement as all, or retort with ‘Your mom’ jokes, a sort of ‘insult’ that required barely a single brain cell to perform.

They never listened. They were stupid, childish, disrespectful. Logan stuck only to his three friends and the many teachers he’d grown quite friendly with, They liked him after all, he was precocious and that was something teachers always found fun. with adults, he also found he could make himself actually heard, his theories, ideas, suggestions, it was a glorious freedom he had previously only had with Patton, Roman, and Virgil.

But things didn’t get that much better.

In fact, in seventh grade Logan found his outbursts getting worse. They were farther and fewer between, but the eventual rage that would explode was far worse than before. It was like the dam that held back his rage had grown stronger, but that meant it took more water to barrel it over, and that sent far more devastating floods down the peaceful valley of his mind.

In eighth grade, he got into a fistfight with a boy who had called Roman gay as an insult, not knowing that it was true or that the word should not be used in such a manner. When the boy refused to listen to Logan’s explanation of what the word meant and instead switched tracks to scoffing every time he said it was a normal and perfectly acceptable, beautiful thing. And by the time the midget of a bigot tossed in the dreaded f-slur Logan’s mind was so crimson he only felt a rush of relief when his fist connected with the boy’s head.

It was two weeks of suspension for that. And it was during that time that Logan’s mother revealed something to him that he had never expected.

Tales of his childhood-or babyhood rather, where he had exhibited strange behaviors no other parent seemed to have seems.

“I think you might have Aspergers,” she had said.

And now, here he was. He couldn’t believe it had taken her this long to tell him of her suspicions. But now Logan was sitting on his bed, the blanket covered with constellations, staring at the cover of a book.

It was a familiar scene.

But this wasn’t a book chosen by Logan’s own hand, or by the school, or even a recommendation from his parents or a loan from his younger sister Abby.

It had been gifted to him by the man at the Autism Center.

The Asperkid’s Secret Guide to Social Rules.

He’d read the whole thing.

Before, he’d thought he was just awkward.

But no. Of course it couldn’t be that simple. It wasn’t that he just didn’t know that w to say. He was. missing an entire way of communicating that people his mind now knew as ‘neurotypicals’ spoke in without realizing it.

The secret language. Body language, facial expressions, tone, he knew that all existed yes..but he’d never seen it. At least not in the subtleties the book described. And all these double meanings of phrases? So the dark-skinned girl who had asked him what he was reading during math class didn’t want to just read the back and learn Sherlock Holmes’ latest mystery? She’ wanted to get to know him?

Why didn’t she just say so!

It was so much more complicated now. The vague, yet simple term of ‘weird’ was replaced by the vast, yet specific, confusing, and multifaceted word that was autistic. A word he’d never have expected to apply to him. Mental health went really a subject he’d looked into, feelings were too wound into it.. and feelings had always been his greatest vice.

So now, with that book in his hand, he thought.

There was a whole other world he couldn’t see..that’s what he had been missing all this time? was the specific shifts in tone in posture people made-what he’d always thought to be absently-something his parents expected him to understand and that was why he always seemed to have to be elbowed when running his mouth?

It was like….like telepathy. Yes, to Logan, the cues he now found himself putting extra effort into finding; his sister’s slightly hunched shoulders at the dinner table, his dad’s slightly turned up nose when he mentioned his history teacher, were a sort of telepathy that the ‘normal’ population all shared. But it wasn’t as if it was that simple. Of course, it was tauntingly, agonizingly complicated. You see, these people were all telepaths, sharing cues in an invisible tongue-and yet, none of them knew they were telepathic. And yet still, they all expected everyone else to be.

So that was why he was strange. Logan had looked up how much of communication was non-verbal - he felt his eyes go wide when he saw the percentage dedicated to ‘body language’.

Fifty-eight percent.

Fifty-eight percent.

What else could he have missed?

Logan was both happy and uncomfortable with the diagnosis. He now knew terms, words, blessed reasons for his little ticks, why he felt like something was terribly wrong for at least an hour just because he’d had to take an alternate route to school (routine disruption), why was such a picky eater (finickiness caused by sensitivity to textures and certain flavors/smells), why people always responded with confusion whenever they saw him pepper the science teacher with question after question, challenge after challenge like he was trying to understand how the universe wove itself in the span of five minutes, and looked surprised when Roman asked him if he knew why Patton was being quiet. Logan had responded with a simple no, informing the other that Patton hadn’t told him-and when the slightly taller boy had suggested that he ask, Logan realized the thought had never occurred to him.

Most importantly, it explained what Roman had dubbed ‘The Fitness Fiasco’. To sum it up, Logan had thought of a new game for their groups to play in gym class—something besides basketball for once in their lives, and yet as he tried to explain, the girl who seemed to have taken charge of the group he was trying to explain the idea to kept talking over him, ignoring him, challenging what he said—and the noise. The noise, how all the chattering and the sound of balls bouncing on the floor, the rage he felt at being slighted in this way, how it had attacked him. How he’d suddenly found himself tensing, wanting to run or to yell, unsure which, how the sound turned solid and pressed in-his muscles going taut, his hands twitching with every word from the students mouths,  how his arm violently jerked away as Patton tried to comfort him- And then the scream. He’d screamed at the top of his lungs for quiet, falling to the ground and sobbing in the fetal position—eyes screwed shut behind his glasses and hands clamped tight to his ears, unsure of what was even falling from his mouth aside from the fact that he was begging, begging for silence. It had only quieted a bit as people turned to stare, and then he’d felt hands on his shoulders, ones he jerked away from—but no one knew what to do. Virgil’s low whispers for him to breathe, to use the 4-7-8 method that the emo always used to calm his own panic attacks, was only met with more incoherent begging for silence. It had been Patton who rescued him, who brought the teacher over and ended up guiding the sobbing Logan to an empty classroom. There he had been met with silence. There he felt his terrified bawling turn to weeping with relief. In the silence, he’d recovered, his muscles lost the tension, and he allowed the freckled boy to wrap him in a hug.

He’d only been able to call it a panic attack before. But now he knew the term. Sensory overload, brought on my the noise and the stress.

It had been a relief just to know that. To know that in moments when he stood among too many people, feeling his muscles clench as their shoulders brushed his, that his hands should not go out to push them away, but to his ears, to block out the trigger.

It became a cue, when debates with Roman got heated—they were friends after all, if rivals as well, and it was understood that if Logan’s jaw suddenly clenched and his hands went up to cover his ears, they had to pause for at least a minute.

But of course, knowing where the holes in his social skills were led to Logan compensating, and it didn’t..always feel natural. He found himself staring at people, trying to read their faces, for a little too long on many an occasion, or overreacting to something because he’d overanalyzed the tone. He found himself having to bite his tongue on many an occasion to keep himself from simply explaining why he did what he did to his parents, who would only take it as making excuses.

It was a balance of the good, the bad, and the ugly. He understood now that his all-or-nothing attitude was why he found himself simply not doing projects if he couldn’t grasp the material—and this led to him having to more often than not, swallow his pride and ask for help when he was getting frustrated. Yet the same black-and-white philosophy got him gasps of shock from Roman when he explained that, in the story Roman had been iterating to him, the whole second half of the plot could have been avoided if Leealli had simply decapitated Sorcerer Kai while they were trapped in her dungeon. Roman had protested, saying it would make her just as terrible as they, but Logan had frowned, explaining that yes, the act was cruel, but if a single act of evil by her direct hand was all it took to stop countless others by her indirect hand, wasn’t it worth it?

But he had also been the one to convince Patton not to remain friends with Oliver, when one day, sitting on the cotton candy clouds that patterned Patton’s quilt, the smaller boy had confided in him that Oliver had vented about his habits of self-harm to the kind soul for three hours the night previous, yet refused any help Patton gave, shot down any attempt at saying he was worth more than he thought.

It was Logan who had took Patton’s hand and told him that people like that could only be helped by themselves and a therapist, that he should not take it upon himself to bear others’ problems in that way. Who had given him a hesitant hug and told him that his mental health was just as important as theirs.

His friends were his lifeline. Maybe they tripped him up—well, they definitely did, yet as much as he found himself apologizing to Virgil for seeming angry when he was simply tired and being a bit blunter and more insensitive with his words than usual (not that he usually was tactful or sensitive when it came to criticism, even constructive criticism) he found himself sighing in relief as the anxious boy shared with him his own experiences in worrying about the negative undertones in the words of others too much to be considered healthy. They would sit and talk about it, the same experience for two different reasons, one of them due to the irrational fear of people disliking him or being angry, and the other due to worrying he was doing something incorrectly that he was not aware of, failing to pick up on a crucial piece of information.

As much as Logan found himself and Roman butting heads, even shouting at each other during friendly debates gone sour, name-calling and snapping fault after fault, he reflected fondly on the time he had been ecstatic to discover that Roman’s own ADHD-riddled brain hyperfixated on Disney just as his own did on Sherlock, and they would both go on for hours about their obsessions while sadly recalling how old interests had faded.

As much as he often found himself hurting Patton unintentionally, and even worse, learning that Patton had been hiding that fact from him for weeks as to spare his feelings, as difficult as it was to convince (well, more plead with) Patton to tell him these things, as he wouldn’t be offended much and he had no other way of knowing what he was doing wrong, he found himself sitting by his side, all attention completely fixated on what to him were mindblowing truths about people and yet seemed common, boring knowledge to Patton, as the freckled boy explained cues and rules, that invisible language Logan did not speak.

Those friends stuck by him, even though others did not. With all the walls Logan had built up around his emotions, to protect himself and others, few could breach the fortifications—except for those who had already been on the inside as he built them. And he was fine with that.

Going to a therapist was...awkward at first, but it helped. Mr. Picani understood his aversion to talking of his feelings, and instead cleverly tricked him every time, asking questions about events until Logan was off on an angry rant. With that expelled, they’d talk through possible solutions.

He kept the book. And most of the other books he was given on the topic, eager to learn and understand more things about himself, knowing the reasons behind behaviors, quirks in things had always been one of his favorite things, and now he found it was possible in people.

As Logan worked through his discovery during the last semester of eighth grade and through that summer, with his Virgil, Patton, Roman, his parents, Mr. Picani, and occasionally even his rainbow-haired little sister, he found his mind shifting. He was truly calm now more often than not, able to express his rationale...well, rationally, rather than through insults. His debates grew calmer, and while he certainly had his slip-ups..he was improving. Slowly. Steadily.

His viewpoint of the world was unusual, like an outsider, and while that could be isolating, if he explained it well, people were often interested to hear it. It was different, his own; the metaphor Logan found himself using was that everyone else was a Macintosh computer, and he and his fellow spectrumites were PCs, capable of all the same things, though in ways the world was not wired to accommodate. Also, clearly superior in many a way.

His core programming was different, even if his exterior seemed the same, and Logan was okay with that. He’d never know the invisible language, not as a native would, but he could learn it—the same way he learned slang, through help, a lot of online research, his friends, and some study notes here and there.

It was complicated, they way he figured things out, the systems he’d devised. But complicated problems would never be solved with simple solutions.

And he still had plenty of time left to learn.

(Thanks to @poisonedapples for betaing this and basically screaming RELATABLE every two second, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear!)

(...I don’t really have a general fic taglist so imma just- y e a here)

Tags: @royallyanxious @whatwashernameagain @sandersmarvel @the-incedible-sulk @supremestoverlord @hanramz-the-fander @childhood-wishes-and-dreams @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @madly-handsome @galaxy-warping @extremist-water-agenda @ierindoodles @princeanxious

[writing-freak]

Masterlist

last updated/revised: 7/26/20

i. The Sports Festival

reader with a weather quirk faces off against shinsou in the sports festival

  - pt 2: Parties for No One

you consider approaching shinsou after the sports festival. an unlikely friendship commences

ii. Heroes and Villains

requested; a mistake shinsou makes during a mission leads to the death of six hostages and you in the hospital. you manage to calm him down before a breakdown

iii. Soulmate AU Aizawa and Shinsou w/ Dreams AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; every time you go to sleep, you meet up with your soulmate. unfortunately for your soulmate, you’re an expert at lucid dreaming, and manage to conceal your appearance by changing in every dream

iv. Soulmate AU Shinsou w/ Platonic Soulmates AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; platonic soulmates appear as shadowy demons at night. when you overcome your fear of the monster in the night, you can get to know your own imaginary friend

v. Heroes Together

requested; after growing up close friends with shinsou, you are forced to move away and leave your home behind. years later, you return, reunited with the best friend who doesn’t seem to remember you

i. Big 3 Slumber Party

a sleepover with the big three leads to some truth or dare confessions you may or may not be ready to share about your best friend

ii. Smiles of Sunshine

requested; a first date scenario in which Mirio is determined to break you out of your shy, bashful, and slow-to-smile shell

iii. Soulmate AU Mirio w/ First Words AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; first words au in which Mirio has “OH MY GOSH PUT SOME CLOTHES ON” on his wrist and you have “I am so sorry I did not mean to flash you” on yours

iv. Falling for You

requested; awkward, embarrassed, pining over here where you are absolutely determined not to fall in front of your crush

v. Don’t Leave

requested; angst; Mirio’s perfectly planned day is ruined by a horrible accident while he’s away at work

vi. Nighteye Reincarnation hcs

requested; platonic!Mirio; when Mirio hears of a quirk like yours, which can reincarnate the souls of the dead, he is determined to find you and spend one last day with his mentor, Nighteye

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 1: The Ticking Clock

part of soulmate au week; everyone has a timer on their wrist that counts down to the moment they meet their soulmate. yours has been on zero since before you can remember

ii. Facts of the Universe hcs

requested; friends since before you can remember, there are no boundaries between you and bakugou. you share everything, but how can he possibly share how he really feels about you?

    iii. Facts of the Universe pt. 2 hcs

requested; angst with fluffy end; when you’re severely injured, bakugou can’t help but feel the universe he thought he knew so well crashing down upon him

iv. Dress Prank hcs

requested; fem!reader; how does bakugou react when you put on a revealing dress and tell him you’re going out to see another man?

v. Meet the Parents hcs

requested; when bakugou agrees to a dinner with your parents for the first time, the last thing he expects is for your dad to be exactly like him

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 2: The Red String of Fate

part of soulmate au week; tamaki, your shy soulmate, keeps running away from you, making the red string tied to your pinky longer and longer, and far more inconvenient for you

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 3: Blue Eyes

part of soulmate au week; you are obsessed with the color blue, and spend your life dedicated to the things the beautiful color produces. only problem? you’ve never been able to see it

ii. Promise to You

requested; when an ex-friend of yours who spent years shattering your self esteem shows up on your tiktok’s for you page, your boyfriend ditches his study session to calm you down

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 4: Save Your Soul

part of soulmate au week; everyone has colorful marks on their skin where their soulmate touches them for the first time. you’re determined to hide your soulmarks: a pair of hands on your waist

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 5: Drawing on Skin

part of soulmate au week; anything you write on your skin shows up on the skin of your soulmate. you often draw the attention of others due to the crazy doodles, scribbles, and words written all over you from head to toe

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 7: Running from Pain

part of soulmate au week; in a world where you feel every ounce of pain your soulmate has, you spend your entire childhood trying to keep your soulmate safe, and it seems like they have the same idea. that is, of course, until you’re off to the support course at UA, and find yourself in all sorts of trouble. you don’t feel so bad, though, cause whatever your soulmate is up to seems to be creating the same amount of pain for you as you’re creating for them

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 6: The Power to Choose

part of soulmate au week; soulmates have matching tattoos on the same place on their bodies. a conversation with your best friend reveals just what she believes about the tattoo marked into her skin

i. Hide Away

requested; through your close childhood friend kirishima, you meet tetsutetsu, another hero in training who develops a quick crush on you. after a stressful day of getting ready and listening to your friend’s teasing jokes, you find yourself on your first date with the young hero

i. Soulmate AU Aizawa and Shinsou w/ Dreams AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; every time you go to sleep, you meet up with your soulmate. unfortunately for your soulmate, you’re an expert at lucid dreaming, and manage to conceal your appearance by changing in every dream

i. Soulmate AU FatGum w/ Emotions AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; soulmates can feel each other’s emotions, which can be frustrating, but comes in handy now you know your soulmate is one of the top pro heroes

ii. Late Night Snack

requested; drunk after a night out with friends, you can think of only one person to call, your boyfriend, the pro hero fatgum, begging for food and a bit of company

i. Soulmate AU Tokoyami w/ Black and White AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; your soulmate’s fears and insecurities are like shadows, and can turn your vision grey until you meet them. when tokoyami’s colors start fading, he becomes desperate to find you

i. Risky Business hcs

requested; an american exchange student is caught dancing in their underwear like the scene from risky business by all of class 1-a

ii. British Transfer Student hcs

requested; a british exchange student deals with class 1-a’s endless teasing and ridiculous stereotyping as they struggle to deal with moving across the world

i. Forgive

the whole team, including your brother tony, attempts to get you and bucky on speaking terms after you refuse to forgive him for what happened to your parents

ii. New to the Team

the newest member of the avengers team, you can’t understand why everyone has accepted you more readily than the winter soldier, who joined months before you did and never got the chance to find his place among the tight knit group of teammates

i. Fighting

pre-serum au; you find yourself cleaning up after your older brother’s friend steve more times than you can count. after this last fight, you’ve had enough

i. Spiderboy

finding out your best friend is a super hero could quite possibly be the best thing to happen to your friendship. finding out flash anderson asked you out could quite possibly be the worst

ii. Flying

being iron man’s kid has its perks, but also its challenges. never leaving stark tower can be lonely, but when your dad’s new “intern” finds himself in the penthouse suite, you may have found yourself a new friend

i. Worry

loki calms you down when you’re stressed about a mission and can’t fall asleep

i. Carol Drabble #1

i. Useless   pt. 1   pt. 2   pt. 3

completed; a mutant with a power to manipulate emotions, you find yourself feeling useless when your friends risk their lives on dangerous missions. hank decides to help you find a way to use your power aggressively

i. The Invisible Mutant   Chapter 1 - Ch. 2 - Ch. 3

ongoing; your mutation allows you to hide away from others, hidden in the shadows away from those who are out to hurt you. now, turning invisible is a reflex, and you do it at the smallest bit of fear, but when a mutant with mind reading powers saves you from the streets and brings you to a safe haven with other mutants your age, you come to learn that fear isn’t everything, and your mutation is so much more

ii. Summer Fun

requested; you and your husband take your daughter to a water park for a day of fun, only to catch her manipulating the water in front of the other kids

i. Bullseye

requested; you and leo are stuck after dark trying to meet the requirements to finish your archery lesson with coach hedge. after a few hours, though, it becomes clear that neither of you are going to hit a bullseye any time soon

let me know if you would like to be added to my taglist - general, for a fandom, or a particular series - also, my requests are always open! Thanks for reading!! <3

[smokedstorybara]

I’m compiling a list of all my wips w/ summaries here to remind myself what all I should be working on and keep myself accountable - and if y’all wanna yell at me about them please do

(Also be warned there will be some spoilers in here cause I suck at non spoiler-y summaries)

Fanfics:

Dear Evan Hansen:

(Apprentice) Park Ranger Handsome part 16 (doesn’t even have a name yet I’m so sorry)

Evan and Connor’s first date!! They go to the orchard of course, and have more relationship conversation... and a picnic.

Fae Court AU

Prince Connor of the Winter Court falls in love with a human boy and acts on it, despite his parents having Rules against relationships with humans. The consequences are big but Connor and Evan weather them well.

Flash:

Soulmate AU (I’m thinking ‘Dream A Little Dream Of Me’ for series title)

A series of one-shots following the Arrowverse characters - with a bit of a focus on Team Flash and the Legends - as they find love and happiness , with some bumps along the way, in a world where you share dreams with your soulmate. Timeline is spread out from Stein and Clarissa’s first meeting to some point around mid canon.

endgame ships include Barry/Len, Hartley/Cisco, Wally/Jax, Sara/Ava, Nate/Ollie/Felicity/Lisa(it’ll make sense I promise), Iris/Caitlin/Shawna, and more

Role-reversal AU

In a world where Barry was kept strictly away from the file on his mother’s murder after he becomes a CSI he grows resentful and distrusting of law-enforcement and a little quicker to recognize that he can’t entirely fix the issues with the police from the inside. So when he wakes from a nine month coma with super speed his first thought is how much he can shove the police’s faces in the fact that the system isn’t perfect and needs to change... he becomes the world’s fastest thief - unbeatable. At least until he goes after a certain diamond at the same time as one Leonard Snart, who walks away from the encounter looking to the world like a hero and gets a sweet taste of positive press that he’s not all that eager to give up.

Harry Potter crossover

Snart and Rory go “backpacking across Europe” on a ridiculous challenge to steal one thing in each country. Their last stop is in England and they’ve set their sights on a suburb in Surrey... which leads them to noticing the treatment of the young nephew of their potential target. Being survivors of abuse themselves they decide to remove him from that environment... along with all of Vernon Dursley’s valuables. Raising a kid is hard, raising a magical kid while maintaining positions as master thieves? ...piece of cake...

Check Please:

Moving On

When Jack and Bitty go through a messy breakup their friends are torn and Bitty is uncertain about what to do, especially when he has to go back to Georgia - where he’s firmly in the closet - for summer break. He can’t talk to his family or his friends about all his conflicting feelings about what happened, so he somehow finds himself corresponding with the one person who he knows would understand - Jack’s other ex, Kent Parson. He also finds himself growing closer to the previous year’s freshmen on his college hockey team and the team’s new manager - especially when summer ends and they’re all handling the situation better than the rest of his friends - ie: behaving like nothing happened except that they’re immediately down to fight Jack at a moment’s notice.

The Umbrella Academy:

Ghost Dave (that’s what it’s called in my google docs but it’s definitely not gonna be the title of the final product)

Dave Katz has been haunting the surviving members of his unit for a couple decades when the story about the 43 women comes on the news; a story Dave had heard plenty about before he died from his lover, Klaus Hargreeves. In whose tellings of it he was one of the children born that day. He also had claimed a few times to be from the future so Dave was fairly willing to take this as proof he was telling the truth. Immediately Dave seeks out Reginald Hargreeves and the 7 of the children he adopted. Over the next 29 years Dave follows the young Klaus around, giving him advice and unconditional friendship and protection from the other ghosts the poor kid could see.

Circle Of Magic crossover

When Tris finds herself dropping out of some kind of portal in a strange land it doesn’t take her long to figure out that some mage had decided to get rid of her - and possibly her siblings - by banishing her to another world, one with advanced technology but not much by way of magic - if one didn’t count the six super-powered siblings she appeared in the middle of. At the same time, but also not, Tris’s adopted sister Sandry wound up smack dab in the center of a group calling themself The Commission who’re very interested in adding her to their ranks, she joins up but maintains suspicion. Daja, the third sister, follows a pair of assassins. And their one brother, Briar, falls into the Vietnam War alongside one freshly tortured Klaus Hargreeves. They all find their way back together eventually - with much fewer casualties than if they hadn’t been there

Harry Potter crossover 1

When an eighteen-year-old Klaus Hargreeves gets bored of being lookout on a mission in London and wanders into the bar across the street he isn’t expecting to find a best friend, but that’s exactly what happens. Lily Evans is a couple months into a break-up and still tired of her ex and his idiocy, especially after his most recent letter - a pile of stupid big enough to send her straight to her local bar. The two hit it off instantly via complaining about anything and everything and egging each other into doing the most ridiculous but fun things. Their night of fun turns sour when Klaus finds out his brother Ben died during the mission and at least one of his siblings blame him. Lily takes the broken boy back to her flat and let’s him stay with her until his visa to stay in England runs out. Thirteen years later the apocalypse is interrupted by a tired ex-professor bringing life changing news - Lily was pregnant when Klaus left England(they’d slept together a handful of times but were never more than friends with benefits), also Lily and her husband(the idiot ex who apologized and changed his behavior, Klaus was at their wedding) are dead and Klaus and Lily’s son was placed with his aunt Petunia(who Klaus has met and knows the boy never should’ve been put with) because only five people besides Lily and James knew who Harry’s father really was and the only one capable of doing anything about it had to find the wandering junkie first. Klaus handles all this about as well as a powerful veteran with a traumatic childhood can - fighting tooth and nail for custody and then raising the boy the best he can with help from his siblings and robot mom and shoving his son’s happiness and safety in the faces of everyone who did the boy wrong

Harry Potter crossover 2

Not long after the war ends Harry finds that he can’t stand staying in magical Britain any longer, so he takes his godson and moves to America. Six years later one of the kids who live across the street sneaks out his window, wearing only pjs despite the heavy snow. Harry finds himself staying up waiting for the boy to return to their street and making some hot cocoa - which he offers to the boy as soon as he sees him. It quickly becomes a Thing(tm); Klaus will sneak out his window in the middle of the night, go for a walk, and eventually wind up having hot cocoa in Harry’s kitchen. They form a strange friendship, one where Klaus has someone he knows he can go to when everything becomes too much - even if that means crawling through Harry’s window, collapsing on his floor in tears, and falling asleep on his couch, waking up just in time to get home before his absence is noticed. Three more years have passed when Harry and Teddy are idly watching tv and Harry sees a very familiar face as Reginald Hargreeves introduces ‘the inaugural class of the Umbrella Academy.’ When Klaus comes over that night Harry asks how much choice Hargreeves gave him and his siblings in their ‘heroics’. After some thought Klaus remembers how his brother Ben hadn’t wanted anything to do with what happened at the bank but was made to participate anyway. He answers honestly: they weren’t really given any. Thus begins Harry’s campaign to get custody for the kids from Hargreeves.

Original Works:

Four Elements Universe(a collection of stories set along one timeline - very far apart and with no overarching plot, just a shared world):

Sisa:

A secluded young king sneaks out of his castle and gets a job under a false identity in hope for friendship, then gives everything up to help his new friends and the rest of his people when he realizes the extent of his adviser’s corruption. Around the same time, a teenage master thief is hired to steal a specific box from the castle - and then to help another thief break her friend out of the castle dungeon - and uncovers several major secrets that might just change the fate of the kingdom.

Kings:

Bandit King Vakhtang’s life is irrevocably changed when he agrees to lend his men to a rebellion for a hefty amount of gold. Over time he finds himself growing fond of the boy prophesied to be the next king and learning just as much from his new employer about letting himself care and open up as he’s teaching the boy how to protect himself. (His best friend and lover is very proud of this growth and kinda wants to adopt the kid)

The Completely Unrelated Adventures Of Four People Who Had Nothing To Do With Each Other Beforehand:

Four teenagers in rural Texas follow a cipher they found in an old tome and discover that all four of them have magical abilities, and that their town may not be as average as they’d believed. As they delve deeper in this new world they uncover two different secret organizations and find themselves caught in the middle of a dangerous conflict over a powerful artifact - that may or may not be the kid sister of one of them.

Mythicals:

Six kids around the world each find objects - artifacts - that grant them magical transformations and abilities. Seven years later all six of them end up at the same prestigious performing arts school in New York. When they discover that they all have these artifacts and powers - and that New York and possibly the world is in danger - they team up to protect everyone else, and quickly become close friends. Though one of them has a secret that could drastically change how the others view them... and possibly risk the fate of the human race.

Eternity And Forever(this one does have an overarching plot):

Eternity Of Forever:

Back in the early years of humanity a young man goes up a mountain for his Trials of Adulthood - a series of three trials set to test a person on the traits of whichever three gods they’ve been assigned to serve - unfortunately for this boy he’s been chosen for the gods of empathy, loyalty, and love... three traits that do not come easily to him. In his desperation to pass his trials he cheats the system and gets caught. As punishment he’s cursed to live forever just on the cusp of adulthood but never reaching it, the only way to break his curse is to prove - with no possibility of dishonesty - that he’s capable of the three traits. Over the next few millennia he gets caught up in a war for the fate of all life on earth, and also somewhat adopts a maybe-alien and falls in love with a time traveler.

Throughout Eternity:

At some unknown point in the future all that’s left of the human race is a refugee colony on an island floating above the desolate remains of our planet. It’s into this that Quinton is born. But when it’s discovered that he can travel through time with just a thought he’s trained for a very important mission: to go back in time and stop the apocalypse. Shortly into his mission he meets an immortal teenager who claims to have met Quinton’s future self and who offers to help, telling him that first thing he should do is gather a team to help him - he even provides names and years. This little team becomes like a second family to Quinton, especially the pretend-aloof immortal.

Forever And After:

After the death of the closest thing he ever had to a father, Slythus finds himself applying to the superhero school the immortal had founded - despite knowing that even if he were accepted into the student body he’d never be accepted by the student body. Somehow he manages to get in... and even more impossible; manages to make friends. But even as he learns how to be good, his past is lurking on the edges of his new life and quickly becoming impossible to ignore - figuratively and literally.

Shadow Warriors:

After the dragon Svartr gets cursed protecting a village from invaders they offer their children to be trained by him - to take care of him as his condition worsens. Those selected and taught by him become known as the Shadow Warriors. Alexir was born several generations after the tradition began of sending every twelve-year-old up Svartr’s mountain for the selection and she never expected to be chosen, being much more focused on intellectual growth than physical, so when it happens it comes as a bit of a shock. She struggles to keep up with her peers in most of the lessons but refuses to give in, pushing herself to reach their level while also learning the complexities of friendship from them all.

Consequences(originally titled ‘Consequences of War’ until I realized it’s more about just consequences for actions in general - like: don’t piss off the powerful magical Being hiding out in the abandoned building):

After deliberately pissing off what they believed to be a ghost - or a false rumor more likely - a college aged idiot ends up being banished into a strange world... with a distinct change in biology(mostly in the area of hormones and primary sex characteristics). As they travel this new world in search of a way home - and back into their original form - they learn new things about themself and make interesting new friends. They find themself questioning whether they actually want their ‘old body’ back and then, when they begin to fall in love, whether they really want to return to their old world.

[thequeenofcronuts]

Uncertainties - Tales of the Past Flashback 1

Tales of the Past Flashback 1 - Flashback to the group during Spring Term at USC

AU Summary - Career life is busy for a group of six friends when they meet a captivating woman with a beautiful soul. New friendships are forged and new romances revealed. All the while hearts are torn and closets are cleared of skeletons. True love always wins in the end, right?

AU Warnings - This Stand Alone will include the following 18+ subjects: Language, NS*W, Verbal Abuse, and Abortion. If ANY of these subjects will cause pain or hardship in reading, please skip reading Uncertainties. That being said, each chapter will include its own specific warnings.

AU Uncertainties Pairings and Characters: Drake x Riley /  Liam x Riley  /  Liam x Olivia  / Drake x Olivia / Maxwell x Savannah, including Hana, and Madeleine, and OCs

Tags @client-327 @dcbbw @carabeth @drakesensworld @purplegreyshrimp

Tales of the Past Flashback 1 Summary - Take a look back at memories the group share from their Spring Term, Freshman Year at the University of South California 

Tales of the Past Flashback 1 Warnings - NS*W, Language 18+. By reading this you consent that you are 18+

Chapter Word Count: 5,000 give or take

**All characters from the Choices Book: The Royal Romance are owned by Pixelberry Studios (Any other characters are the product of my brain…I probably should apologize now. 🙃😉)

Olivia and Liam are sitting out on the grass in the quad, soaking in the sunshine, while studying for their Spring midterms. Well, she's studying for her last exam while Liam is writing an essay. “I can't fucking believe for a History course your midterm is not an exam but writing an essay.” Liam gives her a wry smile. “Not my fault you chose to take Hell- manities, aka Humanities, this semester. You know that prof’s intention is to make as many of his students fail as he can.” Olivia scoffs. “My guess is the old man takes it out on us because he’s not getting any. His cringe worthiness is like a 20 out of 10, while his sexual attraction is so low it can't even be measured. Liam is lost in a sea of laughter while he falls backward onto the grass. “True enough, Olivia. From what I’ve heard from Drake he hates the prof as much as you do.” “Walker is a dumb ass, but for once he is correct in his description of the prof as the ‘Professor of Rapacious Evil’. I would feel sorry for the prof’s wife, but I don't have it in me. Her choice after all.” Liam looks up at the blue sky. “You know Olivia, we really can be big assholes.” “Meh,” Olivia shrugs, “It’s all apart of the college experience.”

It's quiet between them for awhile, campus life swirling around them, when finally Olivia clears her throat causing Liam to look up into her deep emerald eyes. “So Liam. I kinda need to tell you something and I’m not sure how you’ll react.” She takes a breath. “During the Midterm party at your guy’s frat house I slept with someone.” She looks trying to read his expression but gets nothing. After a moment Liam does a very tiny shrug. “Well I’m not saying I’m thrilled, but we have agreed not to be exclusive, and we’ve only been together since a few days before Thanksgiving Break. And come on, Olivia, it was a frat party after all.” Liam quirks a brow and chuckles, but she lowers her eyes. “Well, there's a bit more. The rest of the story is it was with Drake. I really fucked up Liam.” She pauses. “Ok, maybe that was the wrong phrase to use. Anyway Liam, how pissed are you?” Liam does swallow hard before answering, “Ok, so now I’m really beyond not thrilled at this point, but I know you two were…active most of last semester.” He looks back up the sky for a minute.

“Olivia, the six of us have only known each other since the beginning of the year, which obviously isn't that long, yet we all have become rather close quickly. We do spend all of our free time together. Hell, I think Maxwell and Savannah may actually be very serious already. If we were in a different stage in our relationship then this conversation is quite different. Right now you're not leading me on and Drake and I aren't in some backstabbing competition.” Liam leans up and gives her a sweet kiss on the cheek. She can finally look him in the eyes. “You know Liam, I’ve honestly come to hate him over these last couple months. He's an egotistical jerk who acts like it pains him to be around, I guess, anything.” 

She looks out over the quad with a frown on her face. “I can see your point,” Liam lays back on the ground again as he plucks a blade of grass turning it over in his fingers, “but as Maxwell and I are getting to know him more it seems that it might not be his ego so much that holds him back. There may be something else.” She gives him an over exaggerated sigh. “Well think what you want, I’ll just keep on hating him, a lot.” He laughs at her matter of fact tone. “What's so funny over there, Rys?” “Olivia, you find so much joy in pushing all of Drake's buttons. You really are a certain brand of evil when it comes to him, and if I wasn't getting to know you better, I’d be scared.” She flops down on the grass next to him and takes his hand, he chuckles as their eyes meet and gives her hand a gentle squeeze. “"No matter, Liam, I blame what happened during party on alcohol. Lots, and lots of alcohol.”

A few days later Olivia and Liam are in the dining halll for lunch. “Olivia,” Liam said over the chatter of the dining hall. “The Humanities exam is only three days away. You're going to have to put your pride aside and ask him to help you study for this exam. Only you two, out of the six of us, are in Humanities this semester. It could be, ummmm, let me think a moment.” he shoots her a devilish grin. “It could be a very….cathartic experience for you and this certain Humanities classmate.” As he finishes her eyes spit daggers into his soul and she hisses, “You know, you’ve been finding way too much joy in toying with me about all this.” Liam cocks his head, “Well, my minx, can you blame me? You have to admit we both benefit immensely when you’re all riled up.” He wiggles his brows at her. “Fine. Yes it is hot and amazing when I’m riled up.” He kisses her with a growl while those around their table look up and stare. “It seems, Liam, we agree on our stance when it comes to PDA, but back to the matter at hand. It's not all about pride in needing help for the exam. Around our small group of friends he’s using innuendo as his ammo to push my buttons all the time now, and it sucks.” With her arms crossed, and jaw clenched she looks expectedly at Liam for his response. “Well Olivia, what can I say? Karma’s a bitch. Look, just study together and pass your exam, okay. You need your GPA this semester to be better than last, or my little minx won't still be on campus with me Sophomore year.” His kisses her on the cheek and spots Drake, he waves him over.

“Hey Drake, we were just talking about you. Come on over and sit with us.” Olivia kicks Liam hard under table as Drake looks at them both, shrugging, while turning his eyes to Olivia menacingly.  “Heh, sure, thanks. So what's up with you two on this fine afternoon?” Drake asks as he sits. Liam glances at Olivia out of the corner of his eye as he answers, “Oh not much. We’re just sitting hear eating lunch and talking about midterms, especially Olivia's Humanities exam.” She would have Liam incinerated into ash that very second, just by one look, if at all possible. “Thank god all I have left that Hell-manities exam.” Drake looks at the textbook next to him and winces.

“Yeah, Olivia was talking about needing a study partner for that one, thinking two classmates getting ready for the exam would help out both.” Her eyes bore into Liam while Drake gives him a smirk as he replies, “Why the hell not? It's going to be a bitch of an exam, so sharing notes sounds good. My night class tomorrow doesn't get out until after the library and Student Union close. We can study in the lounge of our frat house. Those sorority girls in your house can't ever stop squealing or squeeing or whatever the hell you all call it.” Drake takes a bite of his burger and Liam slaps him on his shoulder. “Sounds like you and Olivia have a plan. Well, we’re off. See you later Drake.” When Liam and Olivia reach her sorority house she grabs him by the arm yanking him to halt. “So help me Liam, if you weren't so sexy and good in bed I’d wrap my hands around your neck and choke you hard right here.” Liam chuckles. “Oh Olivia, promises, promises.

The next night she is sitting in the lounge of the guy’s frat house simmering heading quickly into full on fuming. All the pool tables are being used by drunken guys and girls, liquor flowing, and couples are making out everywhere. Included Maxwell and Savannah which causes Olivia to visibly cringe. Finally Drake shows up finishing off some fries. “You went on a stroll for food after class while I’ve been sitting here in an ocean of morons?!” “Hey, the body and brain need fuel. So, shall we?” “Fine,” she sighs. “Let's just get this over with as fast as possible.” “Well, well, Olivia,” he pauses for effect, “I’ve never heard you say that to me, ever.” He raises an eyebrow and smirks. ‘I so want to slap you right now’. She stands to leave when she remembers, ‘I have to pass this exam, it’s almost fifty percent of the entire semester grade. Fuck.’ “Walker, just shut the fuck up and study.” 

With that she takes a seat again while they pull out their notes. Not long after Olivia realizes that Drake is actually smarter than she had originally pegged him to be. Definitely takes better, more detailed notes. ‘Shit, I really am going to need his damn notes and explanations for this exam.’ After about a half an hour later they can't even hear each other thanks to the college night life buzzing around them.  So Drake nods to upstairs with Olivia shaking her head vehemently. ‘But…Shit, I really need to pass this course. My GPA has to be better to stay in the Sorority House next year. Fuck.’ They reach Drake's room. “Door.stays.open. Walker.” Drake throws his hands up in surrender. “That was my plan.”

Studying for about forty-minutes the antics out in the hall are just as bad as they are downstairs. Drake gets up to shut the door but before he latches it closed he turns to her, “Would you rather leave?” ‘I so hate myself right now.’ “No. I’ve noticed how shit my notes are.” He shuts the door and she eyes his every move suspiciously. “For gods sake I’m not a jackoff. I never have nor ever will take advantage or force something on anyone. You even told me you remember your ‘yes’ this past party.” Drake says wholeheartedly meaning it all,  and she knows it's true. He wouldn't ever. “I know it, Drake.” But he does decide, however, to use this time to pay her back for the comment she made about him yesterday loudly in the crowded Student Union. “You just forgot I know how act appropriately with ladies because you never, ever told me ‘no’. You only screamed ‘yes’.” Her jaw clamped. “Is it not true, Miss?” ‘Oh I hate him.’ “That was low. I really do hate you Drake Walker. Actually I hate you even more.” “Guess that answers my question.” ‘After what she had said yesterday and the look on her face right now, yep. Worth it.’

She takes a few minutes to string together sentences of all curse words she can think up directing them at him, then sits back down. ‘Oh so totally worth it. Epic win. Put one the scoreboard board far Drake Walker.’ It takes her a bit, but she finally listens as he describes various art techniques and their major time periods. ‘How does remember all this?!’ “When in the nine hells did you actually get smart, Walker?” It has to be some sort of accident. Did you get your head pounded by another frat guy and it resulted in this miracle?!” Seething, “I’m not just a dumb piece of shit, you know Olivia!” ‘Hmmm, his intelligence, that was a fun button to push. I’ll remember that one.’ “Oh just shut up Olivia. Let's finish the art section and skip the western culture section. Then you can show yourself out.” “Fine.” She yelled. “Fine.” He yelled back. And before either knew it their lips were crashing together with Olivia’s hands grasping his shaggy brown hair. Like so many times before he slid her onto his lap first, as their tongues danced, his hands sliding up her thighs landing on her waist. And like every time before he stopped to asked her. And like every time before she answered with a yes.

He trails kisses from her shoulder blade, up her neck, across her jaw and their lips met again. She runs her tongue along his bottom lip, and as he opens his mouth his hands started to wander under her shirt moving up her stomach going up to… and then she goes tense and completely froze. Drake immediately stops looking at her for an answer. ‘I will not be some girl flitting between men. Especially when I actually care about a really good man. Done. Over.’ “No more. Not tonight, not ever Walker. I’m done. So many months wasted on you. Those months were all about living the freedom of college in my first semester. But that's it. That's all it was and ever will be, nothing.” Olivia gets up and gathers her things. ‘Fuck. Ouch Olivia. That was all it was? Damn.’ “Whatever Olivia. Whatever makes yourself feel better. Funny how it meant nothing, oh how many months later!” Drake is yelling while Olivia walks to the door. With her hand on the door nob she looks back. “What the hell has been wrong with me all these months.” ‘Oh no, you don't get walk out the door with that being the last words.’ Drake shrugs. “Great sex is great sex, friends with benefits?” They both look at each other for a long time, having an unspoken escalating argument. Finally Drake spits out, “See you Friday night when the group celebrates the end of midterms.” Olivia rubs her temples and answers in complete frustration. “Yes. See you then. We both care about all of our friends, Drake.” ‘Unfortunately, Walker, you have to be there.’ One last glare at each other. “But you and I, Drake, we will never be friends.” ‘Couldn't agree more.’ “Neither one of us would want to. Now get out of my room.” Olivia stomps out and slams the door.

As soon as she's out of Drake's room she heads down the hall to Liam's and pounds on the door. He opens it and she shoves him hard back into the room. He can't help but laugh at the look on her face. “I take it the study session went well?” Not saying a word she drops her things to the floor and slams the door shut. Liam quirks an eyebrow and before he can move she pushes him down on the bed crawling on top of him, straddling him as she immediately starts to unbutton his shirt tugging on it until she unfastens the last button. Liam sits up to shrug it off while Olivia grabs the hem of his undershirt pulling it off before he's even gotten the first shirt off. She pushes him back down, while he starts to speak, “Trust me, I’m not complaining but wh-“ Her lips are on his before he can finish. Her nails dig into his shoulders while his tongue runs over her bottom lip. She invites him in, soon tongues wrestling for dominance. Liam grabs her ass squeezing hard enough she yelps into his mouth. He loves that. His hands travel slowly up her hips, up her stomach and cup her breast while she begins to grind her hips on his. She pulls herself back up and throws her shirt to ground while he unfastens her bra which hits the ground as well.

Liam lavishes one breast nibbling and sucking on its bud until it's a hard peak, while he massages and twists the other. A moan rolls off her lips and he takes it as a sign to move to her other breast. Her taste drives him to wanting so.much.more. In an instant Liam is making quick work of the button and zipper of her jeans, sliding a hand down her pants rubbing her folds trough her panties. “You are so fucking wet for me.” Her eyes meet his as she responds in authoritative tone, “Up now. Time to get these pants off.” They stand and he slides her jeans and panties down while she uses his shoulder for balance kicking them off. She unbuttons and unzips his jeans then stands back, watching him pull them and his boxer briefs off.

Liam’s eyes rake her up and down, “Damn you're sexy. I can never get tired of seeing you like this.” Olivia just gives him a wicked grin as she slowly drops to her knees in front of him placing her hand around his hardened length, stroking it a few times before taking him into her mouth. “Shit.” Liam's head falls back as her tongue circles around his tip tasting the little bit that's already escaped him. He grabs a hold of her hair as her lips firmly surround him while moving him in and out. She lets out a deep moan against him as she moves. “Fuck, babe!” Liam begins to buck his hips while she takes him in fully. He feels himself hitting the back of her throat, while in his mind cursing and thanking at the time. ‘Not going to make it much longer if she doesn't stop this.’ He looks down and barely gets out with a husky voice. “Olivia, I,” he moans “You have to stop.” She looks up at him trough hooded eyes and he knows she isn't planning on stopping.

He gently starts pulling her back. She sighs against him one last time and lets go with a pop. “Liam, if you're stopping me from this you better do one hell of a job.” He whispers back, “I accept your challenge.” He grabs a condom while Olivia makes the decision to rest on her knees with her elbows down on the mattress. Liam turns and lets out a primal growl as his tongue meets her folds. Her breath hitches as he licks up to her nub while pushing a finger into her dripping wetness. He nibbles the sensitive spot with gentle pressure and circles it with his tongue. He slides in a second finger and moves them both back and forth. “Shit Liam, more! Now!” He sucks her harder as his slides in the third finger curling them just right reaching that spot which makes her knees weak. She arches her back and pushes herself into him. “Fuck! I’m…C…“ She yells his name and it's the best sound in his life. He gives her a moment while rubbing soft circles on her back. “Enjoy, a breath for a minute baby. We’re not finished.”

Waiting he licks and sucks his fingers clean as he strokes himself a few times before grabbing her hips sliding in his solid length. He waits a second as they adjust saying each other's name then he immediately starts with a hard thrust. He hears her throaty voice, “My, my. Impatient aren't we?” That’s all it takes for him to grab her hips firmly and thrust harder rocking back and forth as she moans his name over and over. They hit their rhythm and she pants “Harder Liam! Give me hard now! I need more of you!” ‘Shit, I’m barely hanging on as it is.’ Their skin slaps together as he reaches one hand around to wet his finger drawing tantalizing circles around her nub as he continues to thrust harder and harder. “Fuck Liam! Just…a…little…more...I’m, I’m-“ he begins to feel her grip around him start to tighten. “Liam, oh fuck. YES!” He sloppily thrusts twice more while she completely unravels. He stops holding himself back finding his own release. He smirks proudly as Olivia screams his name once more while they both ride out their waves of passion.

Soon they are falling onto the bed. Olivia grabs him close and lays her head on his chest as they work to slower their breaths while laying in their euphoria. “So, did I do one hell of a job? Enough to win your challenge?” Liam chuckles kissing the top of her head. “My god yes! I’ll happily lose that challenge to mind blowing sex any day. But, I don't lose other challenges.” He laughs as she kisses his chest and begins mindlessly running circles around his strong abs, while he looks at the ceiling twirling a piece of her long vibrant red hair around his fingers. Suddenly Olivia remembers the words she heard earlier “…Great sex is great sex. Friends with benefits?…” She raises to an elbow looking deep into Liam’s crystal sea blue eyes. “You know Liam, mind blowing is far superior to great.” He looks at her completely confused. “Just trust me here, babe. Mind blowing is so fucking superior to just great.” She smirks as she lays back down again resting her head on his chest. “Liam” she says into his chest with a kiss. “Yes babe?” “I think we should start seeing each other exclusively.” A few seconds later he kisses the top of her head and she can feel his smile. “Mmmmm, I like this decision of yours. A lot.”

A few weeks later after Spring Break, Maxwell, Olivia, and Drake are sitting in the Student Union waiting for Hana, Savannah, and Liam to show for their night out to celebrate the group’s reunion. While hanging out there Maxwell tilts his head to Olivia and wiggles his eyebrows, “I hear you and Liam are officially exclusive. Awesomeness!!! Now you guys can double with me and Savannah!” Olivia rolls eyes and flatly responds, “Oh, yay.” Maxwell smiles, “I know, right? It will be epic!” Drake sits back somewhat amused by the interaction. “Yeah, you four should start planning your first double date tonight.” Then he mumbles something about someone under his breath as quietly as he can, but Olivia notices. “Why Drake, are you jealous?” He is completely unfazed knowing she's just trying to push his buttons. Maxwell, on the other hand, grins from ear to ear. “Oh trust me Olivia, and let me assure you, he is most certainly not jealous. If Drake was actually under any kind of spell of your’s it's been bro-“ Drake snaps at him, “Beaumont! Why the hell are we celebrating tonight being back here for just more classes? Only you would think of something so ridiculous.” Maxwell looks over shaking his head, “This is about the six of us being back together after spring break, man. We gotta catch up.” Drake tilts his head backwards and shuts his eyes. “It was only a little over a week for gods sake.”

Olivia catches the extra sour tone in Drake’s voice. “I didn't know you could get any grumpier, Walker. What exactly is your extra problem? Are you going to continue to be such an ass all night? Staying away while radiating your extra bit of chilly venom.” Drake doesn't answer, but yet again Maxwell does. “He’s just pissed on an missed opportunity. Possibly a chance of a lifetime.” Maxwell is so focused on Olivia he doesn't register the rising anger on Drake’s face. “Ok, Olivia, so check this out. So you know how Drake stayed here over break and I got back a little earlier than the rest of you? We were in one of campus books stores, you know this campus has way too many all over the-,” “Focus Maxwell, and get this Walker story over with as fast as possible.” Olivia crosses her arms. ‘Ok, focusing and speed talking initiated. So me and Drake we’re chilling out in the book store when I see my old pal here intently staring off to something a few aisles over. I follow his line of sight and saw what he was checking out. His eyes were completely locked on this girl. I mean not blinking, breath hitching sort of thing. Anyway, while we all know that I have the lady love of my life, I’ll admit she was quite stunning. Long raven black hair, porcelain white skin, and these really deep piercing blue eyes. Drake's feet were glued to the floor when she moved to us and starts to look at the books next to him. I of course step out of the way, but not Drake here, he still can't move. So he’s standing like crazy still as she looks up to him to say excuse me or probably something like that, except she stops and stares at him. Complete radio silence. Eventually, I clear my throat and they snap out of their trance while I smoothly walk away, as you know how I do. So I buy my stuff and head outside to wait for Drake. While waiting I see the girl walkout with this huge smile and this dreamy look in those piercing blues. Suddenly, though, she stops in her tracks looking back to the store bewildered. I thought maybe she just forgot something, and I didn't even really think much about it as she leaves. She's gone when Drake walks out and I see he has nothing in his hands, totally forgotten to get what he needed to buy. Except Drake had a gigantic smile on his face. For real, Olivia, I had no idea a shit-eating grin was possible for our guy here. I figure he at least he found something in there, even if he forgot what he needed to buy.” Maxwell winks, “So I asked him to spill. And get this Olivia, come to find out he was so lost in her beauty he totally choked, like in the worst way. No name, no phone number, no dorm or sorority information. He was so lost in loveydovey-land all functioning abilities went out of his mind. He’s been extra grumpy, brooding, and not going anywhere or talking anyone since. He’s got it bad for her, but we have no idea who she is. But he did tell me that they’d talked the whole time after I left, feeling like there was mutual interest, and from what I saw when she walked out that store I’d completely agree. I’m a believer in love at first sight, enter my lady love into the story again, but if this girl had just stood there like a minute longer or if he had walked out a minute sooner, bam. He’d have a different story to tell right now.”

Drake was sitting with arms crossed, jaw clenched, and his lips pressed in a hard thin line. Finally he spoke, “You know I’ve actually been sitting here the whole time Maxwell. And furthermore, Beaumont, do you ever take a breath when talking, or even better yet, do you ever shut the fuck up?!” Olivia looks at Drake shaking her head. “Way to go dipshit. Try to find her again on a campus with around 20,000 undergrads, and that doesn't account for the number of graduate students either. Good luck with what sounds like the screwup of lifetime. She's the one that got away before you were close enough for her to get away.” Maxwell cuts in with, “Well, with what I saw, I’d venture to say he stared long enough he could definitely pick her out of a lineup, or better yet work with one of those sketch artist for a ‘Have you seen this girl?’ poster.” Olivia can't stop herself, doubled over in wild laughter, while Drake stands up with a force so intense the big bulky armchair he was sitting in moved a bit across the floor. Then shoving his hands in his pockets he picks a wall to sulk against.

Finally Liam, Savannah, and Hana show up; along with another girl. Hugs and kisses were given all around, except for Drake. They all felt an aura of something between rage, frustration, and “leave me the hell alone” radiating strongly off him. Hana introduced everyone to Allison, who she was set up with for a blind date over break. With everyone finally there Maxwell directs the group onward to his club of choice, and once there the couples hit the dance floor as Drake finds a table in a corner for the night. He never was one that went out of his way to dance, but he definitely would with any girl that caught is eye. Uncharacteristically, though, this night he wasn't looking for any random girls to dancing with, and he wasn't there too long before he let his friends know he was heading back to campus calling it a night. Which of course Olivia took advantage of and starting to call him “grandpa” at every chance she got everyday afte

A few months later, Spring Term is finished, bringing the group the end of their Freshman year. They all decide to stay on campus together for the Summer Semester to have a stellar time doing everything college kids can think up to do. And damn did they make the most of their freedom. Liam and Olivia had taken a short trip right after exams were over, but back in a few days. Maxwell and Savannah basically lived together most of the summer, while Liam and Olivia out right lived with each other. Hana and Allison were adorable together and Alli fit in with the group extremely well. Most surprising to everyone though was that Liam and Olivia actually enjoyed spending time with Maxwell and Savannah. Savannah was so much fun and just lovely, but if Maxwell were to survive the summer, Olivia could only take meeting up with them in small doses.

Drake, however, chose to take a course over the summer which everyone else thought was crazy, but it kept him busy. With his course work he wasn't around the group as much, but he did join them for their antics when he could. They all noticed, though, that he hadn't gotten out of that funk he’d been in since spring break; but honestly he had always been the curmudgeon of the group.

And like that, Sophomore Year found them.

[brightdcys-blog]

we’re back !! with my sunshiny healer girl !!! but do not be fooled.....the sun gives life nd warmth but can also burn u to death much like sunhi.

you’ll find her bio, headcanons, and wanted connections under the cut !!

☾*✧･ﾟ:*「 kang seulgi. cisfem. she/her. 」did you know that there’s a witch in haneul known as ryu sunhi? they have been living here for six years and is a healer in training. they are currently twenty two and was a student at crocus institute of higher magic in the house hyacinth. i heard that they are known to be erratic, but worry not ! i heard they are also very passionate too. remember to stay out of trouble, the ju jak are lurking around every corner !

BIO:

sunhi was raised in the countryside outside of busan !!

her family wasn’t poor but they weren’t the most well off either. her parents ran a small potions shop that catered to both humans and magi. the divide between the two groups seemed to have not touched her small town as much as it did bigger cities.

from the age of seven her parents sent her to a magic prep school in busan to give her a leg up when she finally went to crocus. it was expensive, and they spent a large chunk of their income on it, but they truly believed it was what was best for their little girl.

from september to may she attended school in the city, living in the dormitories. during summers she would go home to the countryside.

she was a terrific student in school. since her parents were working so hard to get her an education she worked really hard to be top of her class and not step a toe out of line, for fear of ruining her chances at getting into crocus and letting her family down.

despite being a good student, sunhi’s time at the prep school wasn’t all that pleasant. she was often the target of bullying from other girls from richer families who deemed her unworthy of being there.

summers home were always her favourite because she got to spend time with her family, as well as her best friend --- a neighbourhood boy named jaejun who she had befriended in her early childhood.

the two would spend practically every day together while she was at home ( that she wasn’t working ), swimming in the lake or going on adventures in the woods. when she was away at school they kept in constant contact via handwritten letters that they would send one another every few days.

she was defs highkey in love w/ him but never said anything because she didn’t think it would be fair of her to expect a relationship when she was away in busan most of the year.

had a summer job at a tea house in her town. she saved every cent she earned so that she could move to seoul when she graduated.

at sixteen she graduated from the prep school and, as planned, moved to seoul all on her own !! she got a tiny, crappy loft apartment that was basically just a room with a kitchen on one side and empty space on the other, but it was hers and she loved it.

for two years she worked three jobs to save up enough money to continue paying her rent and living expenses while she attended school. she didn’t want to have to move into the dorms, the thought making her anxious due to how horrible her experience was in busan. she preferred the comfort of living in her own space where she could have everything her way.

a year after she moved to seoul, jaejun reached out to her after a year of very little contact asking if he could stay with her until he got himself on his feet. of course she said yes, and he moved in right away.

having him living with her was simultaneously the best and worst year of her life. the best because it was jj, the worst because of who he had become. she spent most nights waiting up for hours until he got home, constantly in a state of worry that ate away at her.

lucky for her ( i guess ) she doesn’t remember !! any of it !! because right before the two of them started attending crocus, jj wiped her memory of him and dipped.

because of that she has a lot of blank spots from her childhood. situations that don’t add up or make sense when she thinks back on them. found a shirt of his he forgot in the laundry and had no idea where it came from or why there was a guys clothing in her house. still wears the sunflower necklace he got her when they were thirteen but couldn’t tell you where she got it. 

when she started at crocus she was sorted into hyacinth. despite the house’s reputation for spitting out herbologists and seers, sunhi decided she wanted to be a field healer.

almost all of her professors tried to talk her out of it, saying that she was too softhearted for a job that draining, but that only made her want to do it more so she could prove to them ( and herself ) that she was strong and capable.

had a boyfriend for a little over a year. he sucked so she ended things to focus on school. she doesn’t really like to talk about him much because it’s still a touchy subject.

was somehow very involved but also very uninvolved with social activities at crocus. a bit of a floater, she never really settled into any particular groups of friends, instead casually befriending random people here or there. nothing really stuck though, because despite her extraverted and friendly nature she’s horrible at keeping up friendships.

graduated in the top of her class at the age of twenty one, and was quickly taken on for practical training at a magi hospital in seoul !! she’s currently employed there and mostly works with children ( even though she isn’t the biggest fan of them ) but is hoping to start field training once she’s done the basics.

just moved into a new, much nicer apartment !! thanks healer salary, u a real one !!

HEADCANONS & RANDOM FACTS:

literally probably the most social person on the planet. she will strike up a conversation with anybody anywhere because she’s just so curious about everything.

very organized and particular about her things and her space. her apartment looks like something out of home and garden and even her purse has a specially tailored organization system.

avid hockey fan !! will stay up into the wee hours of the morning to watch the live broadcast of nhl games. her favorite team is the montreal canadiens.

has a tendency to get very stressed very easily. one little thing can ruin her mojo for an entire day and she’ll be very snappy until something calms her down again.

claims to have a horrible memory because of how little of her childhood she can recall. little doES SHE KNOW !! IT AINT HER FAULT !!

is a vegetarian.

she’s so competitive it’s like an issue. she will compete with the person walking beside her down the street to see who can reach the crosswalk faster ( without even mentioning it to them ). she will even compete with herself as a way of “ self improvement. ”

pinky promises are a binding contract in her mind. will mumble a charm to herself upon making a pinky promise that will cause minor inconveniences for the other person if they should ever break their promise and not come clean about it. 

seems like the type of person who would like kids but she...really actually doesn’t. she finds them messy and annoying and she doesn’t ever plan on having kids of her own.

has a very impressive collection of scented candles.

when she’s at home she does not wear pants. she hates pants with a passion.

cannot leave the house without putting on mascara and lip tint, even if she’s just running to the mail box.

dresses like a grandpa.

cannot cook to save her life. she’s truly horrible at it, her mother is very disappointed.

keeps a very detailed planner, it’s always in her purse.

knows standard korean and when she’s working she speaks very professionally. when she’s anywhere else that busan satoori be poppin.

so loud. someone pls tell her to shut up.

if music is playing, she is dancing. she cannot be stopped. she’s just gotta groove.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

former classmates:

sunhi was a social butterfly in school and probably knew most of the people in her year !! tbh she probably knew most of the people not in her year as well. chances are if she attended school at the same time as your muse she would know them at least a little !

competitors:

was defs that bitch who always wanted to be top of her class, and if she knew someone else was trying to encroach on that she would get very riled up and very competitive.

friends:

pls. she loves basically everyone. 10/10 will always go to lunch or just to run errands with you if you asked because she just loves being around people.

coworkers:

other healers who maybe work at the same hospital as her ? pls.

That Ex From Crocus:

big oof. don’t wanna give too much detail for this connection cause i wanna leave it open ended !! only criteria is that the relationship did not work out. gimme this one for the angst !!

someone to teach her how to cook:

i’m begging. she can’t eat takeout forever. someone save this poor woman.

i’ll add more to this as time goes on, and i’m not limited to just these connections either !! i’m honestly down for pretty much anything, just say the word and i’ll probs do it cause i’m a hoe for plots uwu

[rkxsungwoon-blog]

✦ — MGA4 EPISODE 7: SKILLS SHOWDOWN #4048: HA SUNGWOON TEAM FOREVER YOUNG: @irenerk, @haknyeonrk, @rkxsicheng, @rkdoyexn, @yccjungrk, @rkjhyun performance: stay - zedd / center distribution

somehow, despite everything, sungwoon waits for the results with hope in his chest. he doesn’t expect their team to win (though it would be nice), but he wants some acknowledgement for his personal growth, some indication that he’s been improving, that his hard work isn’t going to waste, that he deserves to still be here in the competition. sungwoon wants better than a fourth place finish once again, barely skating through to the next stage by the skin of his teeth. he wants to feel pride for once—in himself, in his team, in their performance—and walk away from this stage with his head held high.

but the announcement of the two teams in contention for last place crush any of the hopes he might have been nursing. they’re not dead last, which is some consolation, but sungwoon can barely breathe as the ceos give them feedback and move onto eliminations. the dancing was lacking, the dancing was a problem. surely that means sungwoon is the one who fucked up? everyone else on his team are fair dancers; he’s the only one who can’t—he should be the one going home, shouldn’t he? he’s holding his breath and trying to calm his racing nerves when the ceos state that there will be no eliminations this week.

sungwoon almost swears on national tv in shock, relief, and anger, but his emotions are short lived as the next challenge is announced. he’s cautiously optimistic; a skill challenge means he should be alright if he can sing, but since mnet is not that generous, they’ll be choosing their songs based on their ranking. the singing groups have ten spots in total, and sungwoon prays that at least one is free by the time he has to choose. please, just let me have this. just let me sing. just once.

maybe it’s fate playing a cruel joke on him, or maybe—and this is more likely—he’s just run out of whatever luck has brought him this far in the competition. when sungwoon looks at the list, he finds both singing groups completely full. the two (0)s mock him, burn into his brain like they’re spelling his doom. sungwoon’s breathing becomes shallow as he looks at the available songs, panic setting in. dancing or rap—neither are his skills. he can’t showcase anything in either of these groups except his own ineptitude.

he swallows and finally picks stay. the song isn’t his kind of thing, but that hardly matters. it seems like the kind of song jei would do well with, and sungwoon hopes he’ll see her on the team. the only time he felt somewhat confident in his dancing abilities was with team dynamiq, and that was in large part because of jei and her support. with her, he thinks he can perhaps survive this. the staff members tell him to keep his pick a secret until the episode airs. sungwoon complies and heads home after that, hoping he didn’t make a poor decision, hoping that this week won’t be as bad as he thinks it will.

all he can do now is wait.

he’s no longer excited to visit the nova building, each step filled with trepidation as he makes his way to the practice room. sungwoon’s heart sinks further as he meets the rest of his teammates: rose, doyeon, yoojung, sicheng, and haknyeon. aside from rose, he hasn’t worked with any of them before, but he knows they’re all skilled dancers. for the most part, they seem to be okay with being here, probably because they’re looking forward to showcase their dancing skills. even if this wasn’t the song they perhaps wanted, he believes they’ll do fine. this is their area of expertise.

sungwoon, on the other hand, feels like a fish out of water. it’s one thing to know you’re going to be forced to do something you have no confidence in. it’s another to realize you are the only person in a group of six others who—can’t do it. the weak link, the one who could potentially screw up the entire performance. he takes in the looks of surprise and shock thrown his way with a stoic expression, refusing to betray his own distaste for this nightmare situation. truthfully, his regrets run deeper than just for himself; he’s sorry towards the rest of the team too. sungwoon doubts they want someone like him to be bringing the whole performance down, especially not so close to the end of the show.

when introductions roll around, all he can offer is his name, contestant number, and an apologetic smile. no promises of “i’ll work hard” or “i’ll do my best” or, god forbid, “i won’t let you down.” words are just words. he doesn’t want to make promises he can’t keep. sungwoon doesn’t know how much hard work or his best will matter in the end, anyway, and he seems to have gotten in the habit of letting people down.

it’s decided that rose and sicheng are going to work on the choreography for this round. sungwoon can’t offer any input or suggestions, so he mostly stays out of their way while they’re figuring things out. as a group, they pre-record the vocals for their stage pretty early on as well, and here sungwoon finally feels like he’s in his element. here, he finally feels free; his spirits sour as he pours every ounce of frustration, desperation, and longing he can into his voice. this recording won’t count for anything in the end, just a background piece to their actual choreography, but to sungwoon, it means everything.

at least in some small way, his voice will be heard.

practices kick off in earnest not long after. the choreography is unlike anything sungwoon’s had to do before; it’s elegant and graceful and smooth, so many things he’s just not sure he can overcome. despite his best efforts not to let his mood sink, with every mistake, every wrong move, every moment off beat, he finds himself growing increasingly angry at himself. he’s gone over the choreography so many times in his head, with rose and the others, by himself, and he just can’t seem to nail it down.

he feels like everyone is looking at him with pity and disgust in their eyes. why do we have to be with him? sungwoon wouldn’t blame them if they resented him for being here. he resents himself for not doing enough to avoid this, for not being better. it gets too much; the feeling bubbling up his chest threatens to choke him. the practice room feels too cramped, too small, too hot for sungwoon to handle and he slips out the minute practice is over, seeking fresh air. seeking some kind of escape from his own failures.

(he doesn’t find whatever he’s searching for).  

sungwoon returns to practice. avoiding the issue isn’t going to solve anything, things are the same as before.it’s still hard to shake off the sense of hopeless sungwoon feels; it settles into his bones and makes his movements unnecessarily heavy and clumsy when he tries to keep up with the rest of his team. this isn’t choreography he can overcome with the force of his vocals or his charisma, it’s just—it’s just, and that’s the main problem. he’s trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and it’s not working. he doesn’t even know why the fuck he’s trying so hard.

no matter how much he wants to just give up and stop, he can’t. jonghyun is there to support him during the week, sticking next to sungwoon from day one whenever he takes extended breaks to try and clear his head. jonghyun is determined not to let sungwoon avoid the practice and the reality of their performance. he appreciates the kick in the ass and jonghyun’s support, though he can’t help but think that the boy would be better off just focusing on himself. they’re not really functioning as a team this week—no leaders, no reason to be helpful, no reason to care—but everyone else still seems determined to get through this together, sharing friendship and smiles in between the tense moments in practice.

and sungwoon wishes he could join in. he wishes he could just get out of his own head and enjoy this instead of drowning in stress. he wishes that he could accept his team’s—his friends’—help when it’s offered. he wishes he could believe people when they say he’s doing well, or that he’s improving, or that he can do this, but it all rings false in his ears.

even haknyeon’s gift of a tangerine and some encouraging words barely cheer him up, though he does crack a smile and say, “thanks for the orange,” before he leaves (and accidentally squirts some fucking citrus juice in his eye when he tries to eat it). everyone is too nice, too caring, and that’s the main reason sungwoon doesn’t walk out. he doesn’t want to let them down—isn’t it bad enough that they have to work around him? he’s not going to half-ass this and make them suffer more (though maybe they’d benefit more from his absence; who knows?)

when he’s feeling his lowest, his grandfather talks some sense into him. his words give sungwoon… not a renewed sense of purpose or even confidence, but it helps him put things into perspective. all he can do is see this week through and… well, when he’s done here, he can rest. but first: he has to get to the end.

sungwoon shows up to practice early the next day and focuses on nailing the moves down the best he can. when he falls, he gets right back up with gritted teeth. sungwoon doesn’t have lofty goals this time around; he just wants… he just wants to complete this. he doesn’t want anyone to watch him this week and say he deserves to go home because didn’t do all that he could. sungwoon isn’t a quitter, a coward, or someone who doesn’t give his all for everything he does. the fact is, at the end of the day, no one is going to care what he did and didn’t want. no one is going to give a shit about whether it was difficult for him or what he had to overcome this week.

all they’ll care about is what they see on stage.

so he’ll give them something to look at.

the staff pulls them aside for interviews and once they all return, rose suggests they talk about their feelings. sungwoon isn’t the only one who’s been… for the lack of a better word, down all week. other people are struggling too, and the whole mood of the group is somber for the most part. yoojung, notably, is a little quieter than the rest, and then there’s doyeon who struggled and fell during practice the other day. maybe it would be good for them to air out their concerns and grievances—objectively, of course.

truthfully, sungwoon doesn’t want to participate himself; he has a hard enough time trying to open up to people he knows, let alone complete strangers. he intends to just sit and listen to everyone’s concerns, sure they’re going to be far, far different from his own.

and sure enough, jonghyun starts with uplifting words for him, and sungwoon even manages a smile back at the younger man, but he thinks that jonghyun just doesn’t get it. doyeon is next with haknyeon following later, and while sungwoon genuinely feels for them, there’s a hollow space in his chest that says, they don’t get it either. rose and sicheng have different worries, and this sungwoon can relate to—the weight of responsibility is hard to carry, especially for a performance like this. he can only offer platitudes though, assurances that their choreography is good. it’s not the dance. the dance is great.

sungwoon doesn’t intend to speak, but he feels like it would dumb of him not to say anything. and looking at the relief on everyone’s faces after saying their pieces, he feels like he ought to contribute. maybe just take this moment to be honest for once. “i guess i’ll go next,” he says awkwardly, raising a hand. “uh, as many of you probably guessed, this group wasn’t my first choice. i only picked this song because all the positions for the singing group were taken and, uh, i guess the title just resonated with me. stay.” chuckling, he runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

“i’ve… struggled all week because i feel like this will be my final performance.” putting what he’s come to terms with into words is surprisingly difficult. the act of saying it out loud makes it more real somehow, and sungwoon feels himself choking up. “i’m not a dancer and i don’t think i ever will be. this past week, i’ve spent way too much time feeling sorry for myself and not enough time trying to adapt to the situation. i’ve probably been a bummer to be around, huh?” sungwoon is self aware enough to realize that he hasn’t been his usual mood-maker self.

“but i… i mean, every time i try to convince myself that i can do this or i’ll be okay, i realize that i’m light years behind where i should be to even take the stage. i’m scared that me being up there will backfire, not just on me on the rest of you guys too.” swallowing, he looks down and sighs. “so i’ve been trying, but the past few weeks have taught me that it’s not enough to just try. but i’m still foolishly running full speed ahead, and i don’t know what that makes me: stupid, or optimistic? i don’t have to have expectations because i don’t want to be disappointed, but i don’t want to… give up either.” this is as much as he wants to say. there’s more—so much more—but sungwoon feels shitty enough just admitting this much.

shaking his head, he tries to end on a more positive note. “i truly appreciate all the help and support you guys have given me this week,” he says, looking at each and every one of them. “and if there’s one good thing that came out of all this, it was the opportunity to work with you guys.”

“so: thank you.” standing up, sungwoon bows at the waist and holds the pose for a few seconds before sitting back down. “i hope all of you go through this week, and i will support you till the end of the competition.”

yoojung rounds off their honesty circle, and her words hit sungwoon like a ton of bricks. the things he’s been holding inside—she articulates them perfectly. it’s almost a relief to hear that someone else has the same worries and insecurities as him, even though he wishes she didn’t have to feel that way. still, he does feel a little lighter with things out in the open. everyone on their team had too much bottled up. with some release, he hopes they find peace.

the rest of the week is less heavy, less morose, though the practices are as intense as ever. sungwoon even brings in stolen pastries from work one day, and though they only last like one bite per person, they have haknyeon’s tangerines and rose’s cookies to round things off (sungwoon does claim a dramatic “death by tangerines” when haknyeon offers him another one, and his laugh after that is the first genuine one of the week. and—he’s missed this. laughing, having fun, not worrying about impending doom).

the final night, he doesn’t have much to say, except, “i hope we stay.” sungwoon hopes his teammates stay. he believes—no, he knows—that they have the skills to.

himself? he’s less sure he’ll make it through. he’s definitely not sure if he deserves (wants) to.

performance day comes too soon.

he’s jittery and it’s not just because of the caffeine. the nausea isn’t entirely his americano’s fault either. sungwoon was never going to be calm going into this, but this is a little extreme even for him. his hands shake as he waits backstage with the rest of his team. they look like a solid, cohesive unit, dressed in black and white for this performance to keep things classy. they also have a choker around their neck, what sungwoon playfully called a ‘leash’ backstage; it’s part of the choreography and he tries not to fiddle with it while they wait. “hey haknyeon, i could really use a tangerine now,” sungwoon jokes, nudging the younger boy to diffuse some of the tension.

it’s… painful to watch the other performances, especially the singing groups. some of these contestants would’ve done fine in dancing groups too, and maybe that is what hurts the most. he’s shocked to see that jinsoul isn’t in either of the vocal groups and prays that her week was a lot easier than his own. she’s someone who really deserved the chance to showcase her talent.

before long, it’s their turn to take the stage as team forever young. sungwoon shouts out the greeting with the rest of them, his expression full of confidence he doesn’t actually possess. it’s bravado, plain and simple, mixed in with a little bit of bullshit, but people tell you to fake it till you make it for a reason. once the introductions are over, he wipes his clammy palms on his pants and gets into formation with the rest of the team.

the choreography is beautiful. rose and sicheng should be commended for it. sungwoon may know nothing about dance, but he can recognize a good stage when he sees it. their outfits give the illusion of more grace, of lighter movements, and of smoother transitions. on people like rose, doyeon, yoojung, jonghyun, haknyeon, and sicheng, the effect is breathtaking. sungwoon is… clumsier, his movements lacking the easy flow of the others. he’s a lot more stiff despite his best efforts, and his inexperience and discomfort with the style of dance shows.

still, sungwoon powers through, putting more emphasis on his expressions and working with the camera. when it’s his turn to take centre, he lipsyncs along with the song, channeling a sort of sensual arrogance as he dances, tossing a smirk at the camera before moving into position with rose. he’s sweating, his heart beating fast, but sungwoon doesn’t stop, doesn’t let himself relax for a second as he dances.

living on my sofa, drinking rum and cola underneath the rising sun

then comes one of their killing points, the part that involves their chokers. a playful smile dances on sungwoon’s lips as he follows through, giving the illusion that he’s truly enjoying himself up there. and maybe if the circumstances were different, if the stakes weren’t so goddamn high, he would have. but all he can think about is the pressure. not only the pressure he put on himself, but the pressure he feels to not let his team down, to not let rose and sicheng’s choreography down.

the floorwork is the hardest part of the performance, in sungwoon’s opinion. he’s nowhere near the front, so his struggles are, for the most part, hidden from the audience. still, he’s a beat too late getting back inTo formation with the rest and it shows. he keeps his expression smooth and unperturbed by his mistake, but sungwoon knows it won’t be one easily forgiven. for a second there, they were out of sync as a group because he was slow. sungwoon wants to scream, but there’s no time for that. just as quickly, he’s in the center again while the others are on their knees.

all you have to do is stay

breathing hard, he fights to maintain his position and his expression as the song fades off. sweat drips down his back as he follows the rest of the team off the stage, unable to process what just happened. he fucked up. he fucked up. badly enough for it to be noticed, badly enough for it to matter. the only consolation sungwoon has is that they won’t be judged as a group, so the rest won’t be dragged down by his mistake. it’s… not much to hold onto, but sungwoon clings to it anyway. all you have to do is stay, he thinks, looking at all of them. please stay.

“i—” he swallows and licks his lips. sungwoon wants to say this one thing. “i’m proud of everyone, and believe me when i say you guys all deserve to be here. i hope the ceos can see that too. all you have to do is stay, right?” he finishes with a grin and slings an arm around jonghyun’s shoulders, acting a lot more nonchalant than he feels inside. but this is the only way sungwoon can cope right now, to focus on others before himself. “team forever young, forever.”

[taeyongtime]

perceptions

group & member: NCT’s Renjun

word count: 1,379

a/n: hello @maraschinochoerry its me, your nct secret santa! I’m very glad to have been able to meet you and hope this little xmas fic is alright 😖 

→thank you to @playnct @nctinc for planning this event!

There’s always been something unspoken going on between you and Renjun. 

The mutual glances, subtle brushing of fingertips, playful shoulder nudges and warm smiles... gestures that perhaps hinted at something more but remained kept within. Neither of you ever addressed anything and had always remained friends, but your friends all agreed that there was something more than friendship going on between you two. 

An entire year flies by before one of your friends stages an intervention to help you and Renjun remove yourselves from the gray area that lingered in between friends and lovers--trust Haechan to singlehandedly plan together a Christmas party at the end of the year for such a reason rather than to reminisce and wrap up on this year’s shortcomings and enter the new year on a fresh slate.

---

“Hey.”

The softest tap on your shoulders and you smile at the snaggletoothed boy standing above you.  

“Hey!” You scoot over to make room for him and he squeezes in between you and Mark, who enthusiastically offers his own greeting along with a high-five.

“When’d you get here?” Renjun asks you.

“Just five minutes ago. Apple cider okay with you?”

“Yeah.”

You get up to get a drink from the kitchen and notice Haechan chopping away at slabs of what looked to be peppermint bark. 

“Haechan, is there any more cider?”

“Yeah, there’s another bottle in the fridge.” He puts down the knife and holds up a bowl containing shards of peppermint bark, complaining when you sneak a piece before opening the fridge to get the extra bottle of cider. 

“Y/N, I swear, if you and Renjun don’t become a pair at the end of this party I’m going to—”

“I heard my name,” Renjun says as he pops his head into the kitchen. “Need help on anything, Haechan?”

“Everything’s just fine,” Haechan says sarcastically. “Now kiss!”

“He’s joking,” you laugh, waving Haechan away. “I’m not going to kiss you when we’re not a couple or anything like that.”

Renjun’s eyes flicker with a mix of what seems to be sadness and doubt, and he manages a soft murmur of agreement before taking the cup of apple cider offered his way. 

--- As the party continues, you notice that Renjun is noticeably quieter than usual. 

Haechan suggests a game of White Elephant as a new variation of their traditional gift-giving and the others are perplexed at the idea when they had already picked out gifts for the Secret Santa that had been all planned out the month before. In his defenses he mentions that as the host of the party, it was important to include everyone and there was no other way to include you when you hadn’t been present in their Secret Santa selection. 

“It’s okay,” you smile, laughing to relieve the tension in the air. “I’ll just watch.”

“White Elephant is such a hit-or-miss,” Mark comments.

“You’re a hit-or-miss,” Haechan snaps, crossing his arms as he stares at Mark. 

“Let’s just stick to our original plan,” Renjun speaks up, quickly looking away when he makes eye contact with you.  “We’ve always done Secret Santa, it doesn’t really make sense to suddenly change to White Elephant, you know?”

The others chime in agreement and Haechan drops the idea, shooting you an apologetic smile as he takes out his present to add to the pile forming in the middle. 

“Oh, I actually got something for you guys!” you remember, clapping your hands as you get up and head towards the coat rack where your bag is, returning with six red stockings.

“One each, happy holidays!”

Marvels at the handmade cards, numerous candy canes and other goodies inside the personalized stockings bring a wide grin to your face and you find yourself paying extra close attention to Renjun as he leafs through the one he had received from you. You hope your gift can help any way it can to bring a smile back to his face during his currently dampened mood.

“Wow, you got a coloring set in yours!” Mark says excitedly. “You’ve been complaining at how yours were getting dull for a while now.”

“Y/N’s playing favorites,” Jisung mutters as he flips through the volume of manga extracted from his gift, the final piece of the collection. 

“I walked across the city to find a store that carried that series!” you say in defense, reaching over to ruffle Jisung’s head. “Show some thanks, you little punk.”

Jisung makes a face but thanks you for the effort afterwards, attention already veering off the main conversation as he returns to read the paperback from page one.

---

“I’ll walk you home.”

You look up from tying the laces of your boots and Renjun repeats his offer to walk you home. The party had lasted for another hour before it was declared over with respect to the schedule early next morning, the disappointment at attending a work event so soon a definite downer in the previously cheery atmosphere of the dorm. 

“I can just go by myself,” you admit. “It’s a bit out of your way to go to the opposite of the city so late at night.”

“It’s not safe for you to travel alone this late,” he finishes. “Come on.”

The walk to the bus stop is excruciatingly slow and the bus ride even more so as neither of you talk while the driver steers the bus down its designated route. Passengers board and depart at varying timeframes, and it’s nearly 10pm when you press the button to signal a stop, hopping off the steps and onto soft snow as more white flakes sprinkle from above.

“Isn’t it pretty?” you ask Renjun. 

He mumbles a response and picks up his pace, an awkwardness to his demeanor that catches you off guard. 

“Is everything okay? You don’t seem very happy after leaving the party.”

“I’m fine,” he answers, slowing his steps in the soft snow. 

“If I did something to upset you, you can tell me.”

The halt before you is rather abrupt and he turns to face you. 

“I’m walking you home like a boyfriend now but it doesn’t seem like you want our relationship to go further than a friendship.”

You frown at the statement. “When did I hint at that?” 

“When Haechan told us to kiss.” Soft flurries of white kick up from where the tip of his boots come in contact with the snow on the ground. “You said you wouldn’t because we’re not a couple or anything.”

“Well, it’s true that we aren’t a couple…”

“What if I wanted us to be a couple?”

A hand covers your mouth in surprise and Renjun hangs his head low, chuckling in embarrassment. “Don’t tell me you haven’t realized that I like you more than a friend?”

“You never said anything,” you retort. 

“I thought you would pick up on it.”

Mutual looks of disbelief are exchanged and soon laughter breaks out in the air, equal bouts of late realization at the feelings that were always there but never addressed. 

“Let’s go,” he points after catching his breath. “And here, take this to warm up.”

He reaches into his jacket and groans once his hands leave his pockets, nothing to warm up with your hands besides the sprig of white and green sitting on his palm. 

“Is that mistletoe?” you ask.

“I’m… I’m going to kill Haechan.”

“You should thank him for his consistent effort.” Without a second thought, you lean forward and place a kiss on his cheek. 

“W-What was that?” he stammers, reeling back in surprise.

“A kiss,” you point out. “You’re supposed to kiss under mistletoe.”

“But it wasn’t even hanging.”

“That’s not the point.”

Renjun rubs his hands in the cold and offers a gloved hand towards you. “Want to hold my hand the rest of the way?”

“Want to go on a date tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes.”

He drops you off at your front door before leaving with another kiss and you make sure to call Haechan before going to bed, thanking him for his role as matchmaker for you and Renjun along with hosting an amazing Christmas party that was the perfect wrap-up to ending the eventful year that was 2017.