#Unlearning Toxic Relationship Behavior

[patnaneuro]

http://canchildhoodtraumamakeyoutoxic.splashthat.com

[catgirlwizard]

.

[devotioncrater]

the passive aggressive comments from ted's mom.....contrasted by how emotionally available jamie's mom is......like yeah. Yeah. sometimes a relationship with your mother may have people outside believing it's sunshine & sunflowers when really it's all superficial. and sometimes she will do nice things like leave notes in your lunches or bake your favorite bread, but when push comes to shove she isn't really There for you in the way you need. you can't cuddle with her on the couch and cry your eyes out and hear supportive words. she won't watch your football match even if you invite her. she'll leave before you wake up so she doesn't have to say goodbye. it's all this yearning for connection, but on her dime. she controls when to let you in or when she hangs you out to dry and you never get a say. you can't verbalize your needs or wants because you weren't allowed to or just plain never learnt the tools to.

it's not because she doesn't love you — it feels even unfair saying that, she clearly loves you — but because people can only connect with others as deeply as they connect with themselves. so when you better yourself, grow, try to unlearn the same toxic behaviors she imparted on you, she'll hit you with the insecure guilt trip of "ooh let me guess, it's all my fault" and you'll think fuck you

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

The worst thing about all the Izzy discourse, I think, is that the writers clearly never put that much thought into him even a little bit.

And when you start approaching everything Izzy does in the story through the lens of "this is guy is not, in the grand scheme of things, an Important Character," it just makes everything about him so much more coherent.

OFMD is not a simple show and there are layers to pretty much everything that happens, but Izzy's s1 behavior very neatly and easily boils down to "this guy is here to preach toxic masculinity at us." In s2 the writers very reasonably assumed that the audience would not like Izzy, so they chose not to call back to the awful shit Izzy did in s1 because they assumed the audience already knows and we're not on his side about that stuff. Trying to make Izzy sympathetic by having him start off the season already having made the realization that he has Fucked Up allows all of his scenes to be in service of showing that anyone can unlearn toxic masculinity and grow. Izzy is important to Ed's character as the voice driving him to keep adopting the Blackbeard persona, and when he apologizes to Ed on his deathbed for abusing him for years, we're not supposed to find that a surprise. Izzy's character in s2, when stripped of the toxic masculinity that once defined him, does kinda distill him down to this bland abrasiveness, but that's honestly okay because he never really had that many distinct character traits to begin with.

Izzy doesn't have a concrete backstory because he doesn't need one. His relationship with Ed is complex, I'm not saying it's not, but that's very clearly meant to tell us more about Ed and his relationship to masculinity and father figures in his life than it ever was about Izzy himself. His relationship with Stede is defined by Izzy going "this is the way things are done" and Stede replying with "uh no thanks lol" to show that Stede's kind of masculinity is the one we should be rooting for.

And when we start doing Izzy-centric analysis of the show, I think its messages and themes become much less coherent, because he's just Not That Important. You're always having to twist things around to kiiiiiinda make them fit. And don't get me wrong, it can be very fun to read against a text as a thought experiment or writing excerise, but we do run into problems here when there is such persistent insistence that that's the way the story is meant to be read.

[thelesbianluthor]

Fig in freshman year had to learn to let go of the hurt and anger she had towards her mom and start to understand who she was and her lineage after the world changing revelation she had before the show even started.

In sophomore year, she had to unlearn her toxic and harmful behaviors when it comes to romantic relationships. Finally understanding what it means to love and be loved and embrace her infernal nature, taking ownership of who she is and letting go of who she thought she would be before her horns came in.

In Junior Year she had to finally take that final step towards introspection, realize her worth outside of her role in the life of the people she loves and that being a protector and a good friend doesn't mean she is not allowed to choose what she feels is right for her own future.

[tomasweetheart]

UNLEARN MY HURT — s. kiyoomi x gn!reader

sypnonsis: growing up in a home where lashing out was normal, it's weird to have someone be so patient with you as you unlearn all those toxic behaviors

warnings: mentions of fighting, reader never learned how to properly express themselves (me), sakusa is so loving and patient that it's sickening, hurt/comfort-ish??, established relationship, use of petnames (angel)

notes: i want to preface this by saying, i used my own experience with my toxic household so i'm sorry if it doesn't resonate with everybody, i also wrote this at 5 in the morning so if there're mistakes whoopsies, i'll fix them later

something people don't realize, is that sakusa kiyoomi is a patient man.

he's patient with atsumu when he's annoying him, he's patient with hinata and bokuto as their rowdiness becomes too overwhelming for him, and he's patient with himself as he takes deep breaths to avoid snapping.

sakusa kiyoomi is in touch with emotions and is open about how he feels. he seems brooding and closed-off, but he's the last person to hesitate to tell someone how they're making him feel.

sakusa kiyoomi is your polar opposite.

it's hard for you to open up about a lot of things, especially anger. it's hard for you to keep it in check, so you push it down. the more you do it, the worse it becomes. which leads to your small irritation becoming full-fledged rage at the simplest of things.

this is something that rings true tonight as you walk through the door to you and omi's shared apartment, pinching the bridge of your nose with closed eyes as you let out a heavy sigh before you hear kiyoomi emerge from the living room.

"hey," he says softly as his eyes look at your figure up and down (that's something else about kiyoomi, he can read people eerily well), he can almost smell the anger radiating off of you, "...you wanna talk about it?"

he walks over to you and puts a comforting hand on your shoulder that you shrug off almost immediately as you walk to the kitchen, where he follows.

after a few minutes of silence as you get yourself a drink, you turn to kiyoomi with furrowed brows, "why don't you ever get mad at me?"

sakusa blinks a few times in confusion before he furrows his own brows, "...what?" he questions in that same soft tone, "you want me to get mad at you...?"

"no," you say firmly, almost in a sneer, "i said, why don't you ever get mad at me."

truth be told, you were yelling at yourself to shut up and stop while you were ahead. ultimately though, you decided to ignore your better conscience as you continued to attempt to push his buttons.

"i mean, if you shrugged my hand off of your shoulder and ignored me, i'd be fuming," you admitted, your voice slowly getting louder, "i just...don't understand why you never scream, why you never get mad at me and take it out on me as a response."

sakusa took a deep breath before he responded calmly, "because what good would that do us, angel?"

your eyes widen slightly as you look at him, searching your brain for an answer, "because..." you mumble as you trail off in useless thought.

you can't actually think of any reason, you just know that's how your parents dealt with things. pushed them away until it got too much to handle, and then snap at each other almost over nothing.

you look away from him with slight embarrassment as you swallow the lump in your throat as sakusa walks over to you, holding your face between his hands.

"it wouldn't do me any good to yell at you, even if i'm irritated with you," he said, "i just find something else to take it out on, like the volleyball court or taking some time alone. something i can do to process how i'm feeling."

you look up at him as your eyes become glossy, placing your own hands on his where they rest against the side of your face.

"angel, i love you, but pushing down how you're feeling isn't healthy," he says in a comforting tone, "and it also isn't healthy to take it out on someone who hasn't done anything. i know emotions are hard, okay? but i need you to understand that i'm here to help you through them and figure out what works best for you."

you looked up at him and nodded as you blinked, a few tears running down your face in the process that sakusa quickly wiped away.

"so how about we go sit down, and you tell me what's actually wrong, okay?" he asked again in a soft tone, a warm smile tugging at his lips.

you nodded again as you took his hand, sitting down on the couch as you prepared to open up.

he was right, emotions are hard, but having someone as patient as sakusa kiyoomi around makes them a little bit easier.

[cosmicgendershifter]

I don't even know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that all of Ed's violence is a) anti-imperial, b) protective against direct repeated threats to himself and his loved ones, or c) self-destructive in the hopes someone will respond by killing him during his suicidal spiral. (That last example is fairly indirect and performative and comes from a place of severe nihilistic suffering.)

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that the violence is triggering and traumatic and exhausting for Ed, and that he is desperate for a chance to live differently but has also never known any other life. Stede gave him the one true glimpse he's had of something gentler! Ed didn't fully know how fucked up his life was before because that was normal to him. That's what growing up traumatized does to you.

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that the suicidal spiral is a result of Ed's circumstances: of Ed being threatened by Izzy after Izzy repeatedly found ways to force Ed back towards the violent life Ed wants so much to escape, of Ed losing his one glimpse at safety and happiness through Stede and now having to face the darkness knowing he nearly found something different, of Ed feeling like the only way he can survive in this world is by being an "unlovable" monster he hates--and then he's confronted by Izzy telling him he's still not getting it right. Of course Ed gives up then.

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed the show's themes about how much harm is caused by toxic masculinity and by masking your true self and by cultures founded on trauma and self-hate and burnout. (You do see the burnout in Ed, yeah?)

I do get why some people might not understand the complexities of Ed's relationship with Izzy--how codependent and enmeshed their identities are--or the layers of symbolism that position Izzy in the story as a metaphor for traditional pirate culture and its harmful impact. (Which is particularly triggering for Ed on a daddy issues level because that's his original trauma.) If you understand those things, the unique nature of the physical harm Ed does to Izzy in this story makes even more sense.

Ed also frequently communicates through metaphor himself. Him cutting off Izzy's toes is not only a show trying to convince Izzy he's playing Blackbeard right and not only a response to Izzy repeatedly threatening Stede/continuing to threaten Ed, but also is meant to physically represent the harm that Izzy has done emotionally to Ed. Ed is communicating to Izzy the only way he knows how anymore: "See how it feels to be forced to lose parts of yourself? Stede was a part of me. My hopes of softness and joy were a part of me. You cut those off too."

There is so much evidence against the thought that Ed is some irredemable, monstrous lover of violence who will hurt Stede someday. Stede would have to repeatedly and directly threaten someone else Ed loves first (which Stede won't do), and even then, Ed would really have to fight with himself.

It's not his nature, y'all, and I'm so frustrated that some people keep insisting it is. I'm frustrated about what that says about people's ability to empathize and consider reasons for or contexts behind behaviors--particularly when the character in question is an openly queer and likely neurodivergent indigenous man. Is it so hard to have compassion and forgiveness for him? Please don't get stuck in that punitive, dehumanizing mindset.

Redemption is so important, which is why I appreciate that Izzy gets a growth arc once he stops centering his entire identity on the Blackbeard persona and clinging to toxic masculinity. (Seeing Stede's impact, how different things could be, vs. the harm caused by the traditional ways, changes Izzy too!) Izzy's time, as a side character and mentor figure and piracy metaphor, does end, but first he gets to live with more meaning and unlearn many of the negative behaviors. That's the goal, right? To move forward.

[karaspal]

kara danvers is so ace-coded they should've just confirmed her as asexual. she values friendships over anything else, she gets grossed out by sexual stuff, she can easily make friends with dragons! it's basically canon.

kara spent the entirety of s1 wanting to date james but they became great friends in the meantime, so when it was finally time for them to change their relationship, kara didn't want to date him anymore. she didn't want to lose the connection they had, and a failed relationship would've done that. i think this is the reason kara doesn't want to date people who are already her friends. if it fails, you lose the person. and with ace people wanting to date allo people, it's a real possibility.

in s1, kara also (kind of) faced some aphobia from leslie during her supergirl slander piece. there is also a thing she says in the podcast itself (iyky), but i don't really want to include it because it's very icky.

(this should go without saying, but since this is the internet and nothing goes with a disclaimer, i do think leslie's "lack of sexuality" comment is bad, and i do think it could be seen as aphobie if that's how one chooses to interpret it)

kara spent the first half of s2 not only not showing any interest in mon-el, but outright saying she wouldn't date someone like him (who is, for example, openly a very sexual person. not that there's anything wrong with that, but seemingly not kara's cup of tea). she also rejected him twice. twice.

(the following part i kinda copy-pasted from another one of my posts, but don't judge me too hard, okay. it just already has the points i want to make.)

i honestly think kara dated mon-el because she felt like everyone was pulling away from her and she was scared to be alone again. it was during the time she was fighting with her best friends, and her sister was preoccupied with her own (toxic) relationship. on top of that, part of kara's story in the early seasons is unlearning all the harmful behavior jeremiah and eliza forced her to do so she could "fit in" ("don't be too smart", "make sure not to stand out", "go on dates, find a partner. it's what humans do"). so her abandonment issues, mixed with her belief that you need a partner to fit in and be happy because "that's what humans do", pushed her to mon-el. it also doesn't help alex decided to push the last of her internalized comhet on her sister ("well, mon-el likes you so are you sure you don't like him either?" no. no, she doesn't. this is not slander to alex tho, it's the writers fault. alex is my girl, and i love her very much. it was also said in s1 eliza would get upset with alex if kara didn't date enough so alex pushing kara towards mon-el maybe could be seen as a leftover effect from their mother's unfair treatment.)

i'd also like to say that sleeping with a guy once (if that's even what happened since we didn't really see anything) doesn't really prove she's not asexual. since she also left after (which is so funny to me because she got so bored she left her own loft) and explicitly told him not to tell anyone (which is even funnier to me).

and, on top of that, technically, for kara, mon-el was the closest thing to a kryptonian. in a way, he reminded her of her home (even if he was the furthest from that). she romanticized him a lot (she said so herself in 3x15). she felt like she could be herself with him, because he was also an alien. but the thing was, mon-el hated his planet and didn’t miss it at all. and for all of krypton’s faults, kara still missed her home a lot. mon-el couldn’t relate to her the way kara thought he could.

all these factors - 1) kara’s abandonment issues (because almost everyone was pulling away from her), 2) the belief installed by her adoptive parents that you need a romantic partner to fit in and appear normal (eliza would get upset with her if she didn’t go on enough dates), 3) most of her friends looking genuinely happy in their romantic relationships (happiness kara wanted to experience too and she didn't realise until later in the show that happiness looks different for different people so she assumed a relationship would make her happy), 4) last of alex’s comphet telling her that maybe she likes him too because he likes her (even if there were no indications and in fact, kara said she didn’t like him and looked disappointed when she found out he did), and 5) mon-el being the “closest” to her home (even if that was far from the truth), resulted in kara reassuring herself mon-el would make her happy and that he is good for her. even though he wasn’t.

i mean, forcing yourself to date someone because 1) they like you, 2) almost everyone else around you is in a relationship, and 3) you've been taught dating is the norm, and if you don't, you're weird, is pretty much the standard asexual experience.

in the s3 crossover, kara's conversation with barry can also be seen as asexual-coded.

being asexual can truly feel so isolating sometimes. so i get it.

the end of s3 is so so great because kara finally accepts herself the way she is and is happy with that person. and guess what, the second she does so, her "need" to find a romantic partner disappears. she doesn't have a love interest in s4, and it is so refreshing to see.

also, here are some moments that scream ace!kara because why not.

in conclusion? kara is asexual CANON. have a nice day!

[perpendicularpotatoes]

Maybe day number eight was when he had finally lost it [Fic]

Young Ed and Jack during the Hornigold Era. I suppose you can pretend it's someone else if you prefer to block out that particular part of Ed's history (it being Ed's business and all). 😉

But if you're not scared off, you can check out the accompanying fic on my AO3. (link to profile since it's explicit, mind the tags)

A becalming robs young Edward of all his usual coping strategies to deal with his brain when it becomes unbearable. With Jack's somewhat accidental help, he discovers a new one and learns some things about himself along the way. [Jack is pretty okay in this and doesn't really initiate any of the inadvisable behavior even if he is a bit over-enthusiastic once given a direction, but it is well received.]

It was originally conceived as a part of the longer fic I'm working on that is exploring the question of why you'd get a "Trust no one" tramp stamp, since that kinda feels less like a reminder to yourself and more like a message to the people topping you...

And which is ending up being a character and relationship study, exploring amongst other things the learning and unlearning of (internalized) toxic masculinity through seven times Ed had sex with various people and the history of his tattoos spanning from Hornigold's ship to Post-Canon Era.

But this part ended up not really fitting so I'm posting it as standalone one-shot that's more unapologetic smut.

And I'll obviously post again once I start actually uploading the more serious fic (and the accompanying fanart!)

Should be soon, since the first three chapters (and most of the art) are basically finished, but I want all seven properly planned out before I start uploading.

[not-goldy]

I do agree that JM is more mature than JK . It doesn't make it a bad thing. Jm is obviously aware of his man, and he is willing to make it work. Hence, they made the decision to serve together. No relationship is perfect. It's not always that 2 people in a relationship have the same emotional intelligence and maturity level. We also have to remember that we don't get to see everything.

I don't know if it's a virgo thing, but my ex-boyfriend was a virgo same birthday as JK. Behind closed doors, he was very affectionate with me. He would always have his hand on me or his leg on top of mine. He would rub my back and give me massages. But when we go in public, if I try to kiss him, he would be so awkward, or if I try to hold his hand. It had me questioning myself and our relationship.

The point I am trying to make is that we don't know what happens behind closed doors iI swear people that saw my ex and I in public probably thought he didn't like me that much. But it was the opposite. He was very loyal, and he was kind, loving, affectionate. I was the one to break off the relationship because he was too possessive, I couldn't have friends or go out without him. I was losing myself along the way.

So please don't judge JK or JM. We don't know everything that goes on between them. Let's support them!

Hmmm

Honestly for Kook I have a feeling what you see is what you get.

I know most people try to put up a facade on camera and would become a whole other person when the cameras are turned off. it's especially true for most men you see on TV.

Unless they are trying to go out of their way to be controversial, most men if allowed to be themselves on screens would be canceled every single time they open their mouths or do anything on camera.

Most cis straight men are not nice people and the ones you think are nice and unproblematic are pretending.

In my experience most men who pretend to be sweet considerate of women, who advocate for women on camera and in public are also the most vile abusive misogynistic monsters in their private lives.

They feel emasculated in the public eye and would go home and take it out on the women and children around them. Fear men if you don't already.

Uhmm, it's not just a virgo thing, I think it's a men thing.

The term toxic masculinty don't exist in the cultural zeitgeist for no reason.

Most men are simply toxic, don't know how to be anything BUT toxic and the boys are not an exception.

We've seen them address this in themselves vocalized it and gradually moved away from it and unlearn these toxic behaviors which I hope to God is not all just an act.

Jimin has had a toxic side to him Jungkook has had a toxic side to him literally every single one of them have been toxic at some point in their life and dare I say might even still be toxic in their personal lives. We'll never know.

It's just the way the male species are.

Most of them are insecure, fragile, don't know how to regulate their emotions, can't take no for an answer which is why they often don't respect the boundaries of others, (if you are a woman or they with boundaries they probably hate you) are egoistic, competitive, arrogant, prideful, can't communicate, don't know how to be vulnerable, cold, insensitive, feel the only way they can get their needs met is through violence and manipulation which is why they'll rape you than ask for sex, hate women, hate children, hate cats, scared of things they can't control, tone deaf, narcissistic, predators, and just plain cruel.

These are the default settings of most cis men and until they do the inner work heal and unlearn these bs behaviors they are quite traumatizing to deal with.

Which is also not to say male masculinty is inherently toxic. men are very different from women and express themselves differently. Their chromosomes are different their testosterone to estrogen levels are different, they're socialized differently and they behave differently. That is perfectly fine.

People who look at Kook and can't tell what's "toxic" from what's typical male nature are themselves toxic.

There's a reason people look at him and think he's quintessential straight male and they look at Jimin and call him gay. It's because Jimin doesn't behave like the typical cis straight male they are used. He's not toxic enough to qualify as cis male.

Actually, I think modern day Jimin is not what the "typical straight male" looks like or even behave like. Debut Jimin is a whole other story.

People who don't like Jungkook and find everything he does problematic should just admit to themselves they just don't like men or that they've built fantasies of what being male actually is.

[elderyautjavegeta]

NEW CHAPTER OF DEMON MONSTER MURDOC STORY JUST DROPPED!

Something Wicked (45479 words) by ZuviosGemini Chapters: 6/? Fandom: Gorillaz Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Murdoc Niccals/Stuart "2D" Pot Characters: Murdoc Niccals, Noodle (Gorillaz), Russel Hobbs, Stuart "2D" Pot, Satan, Cherry (Studio Killers) Additional Tags: monster au, monster murdoc, demon murdoc, Body Horror, timeline differs from canon, Budding Love, Friends to Lovers, demonic essence, Witchcraft, witch 2D, 2D goes pagan, celebrity guest stars, Unlearning Toxic Behaviors, specific warnings in chapter notes, I twist the canon to fit my own ideas, how murdoc lost his soul, satan is nonbinary, Explicit Sexual Content, (eventually) - Freeform, background Cherry (Studio Killers)/Noodle (Gorillaz) Chapter Summary:

Satan's visit causes a rift between 2D and Murdoc, and mending it will take effort on both sides.

yES HELLO, TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE MONTH??? AFTER 3 YEARS OF NOTHING??? Crazy honestly... I hope you guys enjoy, leave me a comment or something, I'd really appreciate it. Adding a gif for visibility!

[writingfarintothedark]

The tent scene...and Wille's comment about Simon getting August's money

I'm back to share some thoughts/analysis, starting with the two moments which most egregiously signified how Wilmon are not in a place to be boyfriends (for now), largely in part to Wille's mental state/family situation, as this season highlighted.

The first moment is the tent scene at the end of episode 2, the second is the poisoned cake scene. Showing Simon having such distinct reactions to these moments confirmed these moments were meant to be egregious and highlight the imbalance in Wilmon's relationship. This post, I'll cover the tent scene- the infamous "shush", but even more importantly the comment Wille makes about Simon getting settlement money from August. Much of Wille's other behaviors throughout the season I could understand came from his place of grief, pressure, and trauma, but the settlement comment that Wille threw in Simon's face was one of the few times I felt Wille was just...wrong, and a bit vicious.

It was the implication that the settlement money was something Simon wanted, that Simon was chasing money, when he actually had zero power in the matter. In reality, Wille knew Simon taking the settlement deal was actually a forfeit (precisely because he has no privilege over August/the royal family), and that Simon struggled with it immensely. It was something Simon was pushed into a corner and forced to do. The comment completely understated Simon's trauma around the entire situation. It actually made me gasp at my screen and say "how dare you?!" (haha) One of the few times I was *that* angry with Wille.

Also the false equivalency that the rich kids' insane wealth, and the insane generational wealth from the literal MONARCHY, is the same as...settlement money. For one thing, on a logical level, it doesn't even make sense as a counterargument- Simon's family having this money is such a recent development, so it doesn't negate Simon's background as a working-class person, and it certainly doesn't change anything about Rosh and Ayub's financial situation, which is what the fight was initially about.

More importantly, this was money Simon was given because he was a VICTIM (along with Wille) where he was violated and had his face shown while being intimate. There's been a whole storyline of Simon wanting to get justice, and he couldn't even get that, he was hung out to dry with no protection from the royal court after Wille was forced to deny the video, and this was the *closest* thing Simon was going to get to justice after all that incredibly painful trauma.

Clearly Wille felt defensive, and because of his privilege and stress he genuinely does not understand why Wille and Simon/Rosh/Ayub's situations are nowhere near the same as his, even while Simon spelled it out for him. So he lashed out defensively, I understand that. The "shush" is still awful and made my blood boil, but tbh I could see myself forgiving Wille for that because that clearly stems from Wille thinking it is ok to do that... because that's how his parents talk to him... and that can be unlearned.

So I think this tent scene was a turning point this season, because it showed how these two still have to develop a lot more before their dynamic is healthy. I would not call it toxic, because I hate when people throw that term around, but honestly that (potential?) breakup in episode 5 was a long time coming because they both needed to heal.

[emeraldspiral]

AU where instead of a normal public skool Zim ends up going to a private religious skool.

The show was pitched with the idea that Zim would be introduced to normal primary school experiences like cooties, class elections, trying to make friends, shitty cafeteria food, going to the nurse, etc... and take everything too serious/literal or wildly misinterpret it and respond to it in some zany way to either protect his identity or take advantage of it for his world domination schemes.

So just imagine how much more fucked up the show would be if it was that, but with Zim being introduced to Toxic Christianity. It'd be like Moral Orel, except all the misunderstandings lead him to do fucked up things on purpose. Immoral Orel.

He would totally snitch on his his classmates, accusing them of random crimes like cussing or listening to "Devil music" to make himself look like a Good Christian Boy. But even though he has no idea what makes a word a "curse word" or what makes something "Devil worship" it still works because there's always someone who can stretch the definition to apply to anything. He adopts homophobic and misogynistic stances, but can't tell humans apart and can never figure out what gender conforming behavior should look like for himself or his classmates.

He'd have GIR making shitty Christian pop music that's just regular love songs with "girl" and "baby" replaced with "Jesus" or try to pass himself off as a prophet or the second coming of Jesus to build a cult around himself. Or maybe he'd become convinced that the humans' "God" is actually an alien passing itself off as a divine being and seeks to overthrow him to make the humans worship him instead. Or he'd think "Hell" is what the humans call their worst prison/torture chamber/secret government lab where he'll be sent to be dissected if he blows his cover or misbehaves too much in class.

He would also struggle a lot more with presenting himself as "normal" by human Christian standards because he's not straight, non-binary, and intersex and barely understands the concept of human cis-heteronormativism. He completely fails to see the parallels between his own rigid, fascist upbringing where all sex and all relationships are seen as abhorrent and everyone's lives are devoted to the Tallest and the Control Brains and the ways of these "primitive, superstitious humans and their confusing social customs".

Dib in this scenario is no longer a believer but his fundie dad still makes him go to that skool. He gets in trouble all the time for challenging anti-science BS like climate change denial, creationism, and the anti-vax movement and calling out homophobia, misogyny, and toxic, conservative attitudes about sex. But like, he thinks because he no longer believes in all that stuff he's smarter and better than everyone else, but actually he's still in the process of deprogramming and unlearning the Purity Culture mindset. He still struggles with judging things based on his own disgust rather than whether they're objectively harmful and regards Zim as just pure evil rather than a fellow victim of fascist indoctrination and thinks that justifies him working out his pent-up aggression by bullying him.

The sexual tension between Zim and Dib is all the more palpable because of the extremely unaccepting environment and both of them having internalized homophobia.

[atla-confessions]

I’m tired of people forgetting about all of the development he went through. Even before he was fully “redeemed” he acted very sweet and romantic with Jin. He was also very giving and romantic with Mai, despite their conflict. He’s also canonically great with children like the Lee kid and Kiyi in the comics. Zuko is a complex character. Believe it or not, people with trauma and tempers can still be caring and compassionate in their interpersonal relationships, especially in cases like Zuko where a big part of his character arc is unlearning some of his toxic behavior. Why you get *so mad* about people (correctly) perceiving him to be a loving partner is beyond me.

X

[sequesteredbhaalspawn]

I really want to make an all encompassing post at some point on how Larian fails at writing evil (in bg3) and two other all encompassing posts about how they failed at writing Viconia and Sarevok in particular. That isn't what this post is going to be, but I just need to air some things out for myself.

LIKE if you take all of the trauma that the bg3 companions have and combined them into one character, you have Viconia. And if you put in the effort to help her become a better person- becoming true neutral in alignment (the same alignment as Jeheira btw), you really get to see all of that. And yes it takes until the end of Throne of Bhaal to do, and it is actual work. You have to try, and keep at it, and it;s hard. It's not "just say nice things and then good things happen" there are a lot of ups and downs and unlearning of toxic behaviors that Viconia goes through. It takes time. It it's so rewarding to see her reach that.

I've said my piece on Seravok before. BUT I think it's extremely fucked they took such a nuanced antagonist, someone who killed a person your player characters is suppose to love (if you think they see that person as family) and you can still reach out to him, help him. make see how he was wrong and how it hurt him and the people he loved. get his alignment to change from chaotic evil all the way to chaotic good. But then Larian makes a black man who is incestuous and very abusive to his extremely white looking daughter/granddaughter. It's just so awful. I hated seeing it so much. Like seriously- why the fuck did they do that? It makes no sense. And I do think it's important to point out Sarevok being black. Larian treat the black characters in bg3 rather poorly. It's racist. Doesn't matter if they did it intentionally or not. If anyone is a black fan I would love to read any addition you'd want to add to this post.

They also just get so much wrong about this character? He was never a Bhaal worshiper. He wanted to use his situation of being a Bhaalspawn to obtain godhood. And this self distributive path is what causes Tamako to leave him. Because she knew she was going to loose him anyways if he didn't stop. And then he got into a new relationship where his new parent encourage his self destruction and benefited from it. Post series, in the end game slides, regardless if you helped Sarevok change his alignment or not, he personally escorts Tamoko's body back to her homeland, Kara-Tur (if you're interested there is a mod that let's Tamoko live and become a companion of Gorion's Ward. I haven't played with it yet, but I plan on checking it out. There are so many mods that let poc companions with scripted deaths live, it nice to see- even if those deaths could have been not written or at the very least have the abilities to save them should have been there from the beginning.)

Both of these characters are about the cycle of abuse, on rather it gets broken or not. Just like the companions from bg3 are. But Larian says "no they failed and in fact are irredeemable"

It's shocking that games from 1998 and 2001 had a better discussion on restorative justice. And yes it's a fantasy setting where you care suppose to fight people, you're not going to be able to do that with every character. But doing this better than a game in 2024? When we have so much more resources and knowledge about this? It's just disheartening.

That isn't to say that the original games didn't have their flaws, they very much did. The stuff from bg3 is just more raw right now.

[therookandthecrow]

Lucanis is remarkable to my main Rook in many senses, one of those being that he's the first and only person to whom Aloisius is loyal to, let alone affection towards.

Even with that said, he'd never been in a truly romantic relationship before. Lucanis is the person he'd always yearned for, even if he didn't know it before - at least, if he did, he never acknowledged it.

There are more mature, adult themes under the cut - I had a hard time getting this to show up in the Lucanis tag when I tried to post it twice before, so here is my third, and hopefully final, try.

He'd been in psychos*xual trysts and in arrangements with other people in which mutual carnal gratification was involved, but those were always for the reason of him gaining something from that person. [I.e., what he had going with several elites while working at a high-end brothel]

The elven Shadow Dragon veteran was accustomed to utilizing his s*xuality to seduce others in the perfectly Machiavellian sense. There's a lot to unravel here, narratively about his status as an elf in Tevinter society. There is a lot of resentment he holds hidden from plain view.

Take that into account along with the chip ingrained on his shoulder, and there is more to unlearn about his belief that the world is inherently indebted to him. Aloisius has internalized a lot of anger over the years; in that such way, he and Lucanis mirror one another.

Aloisius would jump from partner to partner in the most cavalier sense, feelings be damned. I truly believe that all of his previous, toxic behaviors will melt away through his relationship with Lucanis and that he'll end up fixing my Rook, albeit unintentionally.

The first time that he'd have sex with Lucanis would actually be the first time that he'd have made love with someone. And by the Maker, it was the best s*x he'd ever had in his life. Love was the missing ingredient, and he was incredibly thirsty for it. One could swear he was drinking Lucanis' soul through a straw with how intensely and ravenously he'd kiss him.

He was used to h@te-s*x before, especially with Venatori. Aloisius scarcely concealed his disdain for the Tevinter, human supremacists who'd been a thorn in his side for over a decade of his life. It was amusing to him that they couldn't stay away from him, especially the previous Inquisition prisoner, Livius Erimond.

For Lucanis, and for Lucanis alone, he'd be a soft lover. For Lucanis, s*x will be associated with love and with affection instead of as a bargaining chip or as a means to and end - never expressly for pleasure apart from the sadism he felt when cruelly dominating Venatori and hunting them like prey, and vice versa.

I think that Aloisius is going to have to deal with the fact that his s*xuality never really belonged to him before, because while he thought that he was the one in control before, he had been actively going out of his way to engage s*xually with his marked enemies. It was a game of domination.

I can see the s*x between them being very, very emotional - and while Aloisius likes to carry a facade of cold arrogance and apathy towards the world in general, I can see him crying after sleeping with Lucanis for the first time because all of those emotions are being released through a healthy manner.

For all the pretenses that he held about being unemotional, he was accepting that he had feelings - and for the first time in his life, healthy feelings for another person. He was in love. Odd, he didn't care if he was seen crying, he trusted Lucanis and wanted nothing more than to spend his life with him.