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ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS: 2x01 - “Heavy is the Crown” ↳ "I know you doubt your merit of your birthright, Caitlyn. There's wisdom in that. But remember: You're a Kiramman."
#last post for a bit bc i will take a short break#arcane#arcaneedit#arcane league of legends#caitlyn kiramman#jayce talis#ambessa medarda#councilor salo#councilor shoola#caitlyn#jayce#ambessa#salo#shoola#type: gif#media: arcane#arcane season 2 spoilers#s2 ep1#katie leung's delivery in this scene was amazing with this new hardened caitlyn... my jaw was on the floor#and then when cait said shut up i immediately closed my mouth oop LMFAO (also ambessa's face damn she defo notices her potential)#and then jayce hesitating for JUST A LIIIIITLE BIT THERE my heart....... hextech now being used for weapons :((((#ALSO this is so caitlyn she literally just told THE council what she wants to do just like how she does back then in s1 when marcus was#complaining about caitlyn not obeying orders and going off on her own lol#S1 Caitlyn…. who wanted nothing to do with the Kiramman name who wanted to forge a path on her own…#but S2 Caitlyn Kiramman driven by grief anger and guilt#finally accepts her birthright becoming into the woman she thinks her mother wants her to be and accepting a position#thats “befitting her station” as a full on commander and leader for piltover#but is this what cassandra truly wanted?????#Does she truly know what she is shooting for???? An anger fueled revenge tour just to kill jinx???#goddamn this show. fucking spectacular
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The Witch and the Widow – Chapter One – The Lake
Laudna Bradbury had murdered her husband.
Maybe murdered. Apparently. That is what brought Imogen here - indirectly, at least.
Not that she's with the law enforcement or anything. Not that, definitely, though ironically being an officer - an interrogator - would suit her well, at least on paper. Passion and enthusiasm would be a different question - and that's why she's here. Sorta. Indirectly, again, for a different question. Words travel, by means of mouth or ink or thoughts (apparently, she had found out), even though thoughts should not travel past the head that they were made in. But they did, and continue to do so, and Imogen had heard enough accounts about the man himself (the Lady’s husband, when he was alive and after the fact), had seen enough women squashed under the boots of the men they were tied to to intimately know and understand a flash decision made in a moment for self-preservation-
all too often women tempered their instincts to allow themselves to become the soil underfoot rather than the sole of the shoe
so much as to say that Imogen does not care much if Laudna Bradbury had murdered her husband.
She cares more about what the words whispered and weaved and waded in the time after wrote:
Laudna Bradbury had used witchcraft to murder her husband.
The only utterances of magic Imogen had heard of, had seen, had unexplainably received taken telegraphed by inner voice and grey matter before that rumour, were her own.
Imogen needs answers, desperately, as though a necessity purely imperative like breathing and eating, and so she brought herself to the source of the lake before it divided and weakened and meandered from river to muddy stream to drink directly from her-
(it.)
Laudna Bradbury is a widow, a widow who continues to live on the estate her husband’s heraldry and wealth had afforded them, company kept by a small team of housemaids and gardeners and the like.
and it is a large estate, a lot to look after, for sure, certainly, with its couple hundred maybe more years in age and just as many acres. There's hairline cracks in the stucco, a missing roof tile here and there
but there is no denying that it is a fine example of architecture, certainly was the highest of fashion at the time. A grand country house with an East Wing and a West, bay windows and towers and pleasing ratios between alcove and doorways and arches and walled topiaried gardens that extend from north to south, illustrations in stained glass ornately framed with flowering climbing ivy
statues that step out from domesticated bordering jungles, now appearing more as gargoyles thanks to the decay of time, noses eroded like they have rotted off, birds’ nests of briars thorned crowns or horns
rosemary bushes skirt the main building’s façade, perfuming the sometimes hot-and-humid, more often brisk-and-grey air carried through the opened lead-lined boiled sweet coloured window panes into the dark mahogany-panelled and silk-embroidered tapestried interiors.
Off of the West Wing there is an extension nearing the height of the gargoyled walls that surround the estate. This is the wall that fortifies the Lady Bradbury’s private garden; with doors adjoining directly to her study - both of which are off limits. Imogen doesn't know much of pretty and imported flowers, but she knows local common sense, knows what berries to pick and which weed’s sap causes a blister that will never heal again should it brush her skin.
Through small cracks in the masonry delicate tendrils curl out; leaves crawling, surfacing, small purple flowers with yellow tear-drop centres blooming.
Deadly nightshade.
She wonders what else grows behind the wall, patiently biding its time until the decay of such allows it through.
It is in the stables that Imogen spends most of her own time; her years of experience working under Master Faramore awarded her an earnest recommendation, and it sure helped that a couple of the Lady’s mares and a stallion were from his own livery, that they had been raised and trained by Imogen's own hands before they left them.
She needs answers, so she has taken herself to them, to the lake to drink from. She observes from a distance, listens to any whisperings and wonderings that bed with her in the servants’ quarters.
The days are long, mostly spent between mucking and feeding and exercising and grooming the horses and watching the Lady Bradbury taking a walk around the herb garden with knees as muddied as the kitchen staff’s, or cutting bark segments from off of the trees that dot the grounds as if she were operating in front of an amphitheatre of flora and fauna students whilst Imogen brushes down one of the horses or shovels hay
and despite the distance and Imogen's best efforts to remain subtle, the Lady Bradbury’s eyes would sometimes catch hers observing (staring, admittedly), and she would smile, and perform a barely perceivable curtsey (one of many behaviours outside of expectations), and Imogen would tip her brimmed suede hat in return, and would think of how despite the fact that the Lady’s practices of class and boundaries and what is proper were different, a bit odd, nothing of the woman's behaviour suggested that of a killer - only the situation that she stood in - the peculiarly beautiful widow with a walled off poison garden. And so maybe the same is to be said of her magic, should she even be harbouring or practicing any (although admittedly her appearance certainly is bewitching…)
and it's like the instances before but unlike them - Imogen stealing glances of the Lady Bradbury as she potters about her estate (she probably really does potter, she fills so much of her time with crafting and making. Imogen wouldn't be surprised to see her pale skin elbow-deep in caked-on terracotta pigment digging out clay rich soil into old whisky barrels to have carried by willing hands to a throwing room with a secret kiln.) but on this day, when their eyes in new routine now inevitably meet across the wildflower-speckled field (that in itself is unusual, highly out of vogue, it isn't the acres of well-kept uniform lawn and paths laid with talking-point pebbles imported from the coast that the other estates boasted and Imogen had glanced when ferrying Master Faramore’s horses elsewhere) the Lady Bradbury takes pause, before she starts to make her advance towards Imogen.
shit.
She's been brushing the same patch of short thick hair on Foie Gras’ shoulder for so long that she's surprised there isn't a bald patch. Maybe the Lady Bradbury is worried as such. Maybe Imogen has been too obvious in her observing (admitted staring). Maybe she has been found out.
She feels her brow start to perspire, the muscles in her limbs wishing to move erratically and awkwardly and restlessly and to carry her to stand out of sight hidden behind the thick neck of the horse like an obvious child playing hide and seek behind a tree trunk, or to flatten the creases in her breaches and her linen tunic and pick out the strands of hair and hay that have lodged themselves into their weave, untwist the grasp of her suspenders over her shoulders - but she practices restraint - is trained and cautious and intentional and thorough she was only being thorough with the mare, casts her gaze in iron like the blacksmith hammering the horseshoes and steels herself for the Lady Bradbury’s approach.
Her skirts are full and structured and plumed by many layers of petticoats that hide the movement of her feet across the wildflower lawn, causing her to appear to be drifting like the bees do from petal to petal, pollen dusting her pleats though ghostly her skin in contrast to the fine fabrics that she dresses for the part, black in mourning, still, bodice tight and sleeve leg of mutton, an ornate decorative layer of black lace laying over each yard of textured textile like spider webs on porcelain patterns, her husband's tableware collecting dust in the kitchen cupboard.
real impractical for how tending towards practical the Lady dares to be, hands on, too busy for errant hairs in piano key ivory and ebony windswept and loose from the high bun she pins in place with a cameo broach, a memento mori engraved in silver and inlayed with ruby eyes and tied with red ribbons. Her skin also proudly displays the age and perhaps trauma that her hair does, lines from laughter and furrowed brows and the feet of the crows that cry from the top of the chimney pots
Imogen has heard her call them her children (the birds that is, not the wrinkles) - has heard her talk to them as if they are responding, oftentimes giving her own tampered voice to do so (and to Imogen’s amusement)
The Lady never had children of her own; those are their own rivers of rumours within themselves. Imogen did not care for that stream of gossip at all.
The Lady steps closer, and the yet-to-be familiar fog of her mind cocoons Imogen, water transmuted into mist against jutting rock at the plummet of rapids, relief from the laborious work and humidity, her previous restraint to keep her body in check breaking as she visibly swallows and licks her lips, suddenly aware of how dry they had been.
The Lady Bradbury rests her hand on the back of Foie Gras’ neck, fingers long and pale and decorated in black lace like mother of pearl inlay and marquetry on a lacquered curious curio cabinet that perhaps Imogen had eyed through a stained glass window standing in the corner of the out-of-bounds office.
“Good day. It's Imogen, correct?” her delicately veiled fingers comb through the mare’s mane, her dark mahogany eyes seeming to look over the gloss of Foie Gras’ coat to inspect the way the late morning sunlight rests upon its sandy hues before turning her attention back to Imogen with a smile.
She hadn't spoken much to the Lady since she was hired a few weeks back - not much being that this is the third time, after her interview and a brief acknowledgment when being shown around by one of the housemaids the day she started.
The Lady Bradbury’s lips are painted a deep purple, an unusual colour for sure; Imogen had only seen illustrations and paintings of the dignitary from era’s passed in shades of peach and pinks and reds, stencilled in exaggerated shapes, and as with the landscaping of grounds, to wear such obvious make up itself is frowned upon, old fashioned, conveniently equated with providing false fronts.
The Lady’s teeth are bright, especially in comparison to the purpled dark lips.
and sharp
especially in comparison to how soft-
“You must pardon me, have I got it wrong?”
shit, fuck-
“Oh! n-no-” Imogen was staring, definitely “I apologise m’lady. You are right, it is Imogen.”
God dammit - she’s gonna get herself fired, fired for daydreamin’ and giving the horses receding hairlines and ignoring the Lady of the Manor when she addresses her-
The Lady chuckles to herself delicately, an act displaying a markable absence of frustration and bewilderment.
“From Master Faramore’s, yes? How are you finding the new environment? I am sure the stables here pale in comparison to his, but I do not believe that they afforded such space and the opportunity for frequent walks around such a beautiful lake…”
“Certainly, m’lady. There are less of them so they get more attention, they can be well looked after-”
“Indeed, plenty of grooming at the very least-”
Imogen can feel the hot blood rush to the surface of her cheeks, unable this time to wrangle her body’s motor reflexes.
“I have yet to visit the lake m’self, I am sure they enjoy bein’ taken by you though, they always seem happier when they come back.”
“Is that so? Well, I must insist you see the lake for yourself, if not only to relish the fact that you took great part in an amount of their contentedness.”
The Lady Bradbury looks to her expectantly, Imogen expected to have a reply for the unexpected.
“Would you accompany me this afternoon?”
Imogen can read thoughts. She can read thoughts but what if the Lady Bradbury can too? Or what if she can tell that she is imposing? Would she find herself in the bottom of that lake on her very first visit? A drink more filling than what she had wanted, her lungs full and void of buoyancy. Imogen can read thoughts but she dares not to read the Lady’s.
She can feel them, though, that first and second and now third time in her vicinity, feel how they are different, an audible silence amongst the swarm of bees wings and small talk and anxieties
At some point the Lady had stepped around Foie Gras’ head to stand beside Imogen
She smells like sage and gunpowder
On the day of her interview she had smelled of eucalyptus and raw animal fat-
“You’re quite the thinker, aren’t you?”
Of that she is guilty, though usually she can argue that the majority of the thoughts that weigh her down are not her own.
“Apologies m’lady, I wasn’t sure I had heard you right. Did you want a horse saddled for you for this afternoon?”
Imogen had never thought that her accent sounded particularly thick or clunky, but it felt as heavy as her mind tends to be around other company when speaking with the Lady, her tongue all thick tangled muscle swelling against the roof of her mouth and her teeth.
Perhaps this is some sort of witchery. She waits for the molasses to take a hold on her muscles and limbs, for the her skull to be crushed concave from the inside
But it doesn’t happen.
The Lady smiles (again)
“Almost. One for you and one for me, if you would accompany me around the lake - there isn’t a cloud in the sky today and it would be a shame to keep the clear reflections of the mountains to myself and Foie Gras here.”
Imogen is thrown. Yes, y’all could argue that this is exactly what she came here for; time alone with the Lady Bradbury, the opportunity to form a rapport or to subtly pluck at her brain but there is something in the way that she carries herself, how she talks to Imogen with ease and lack of formality that is alarmingly disarming, and leaves Imogen cloudy on why she came here in the first place-
“C-certainly, if it’s what the Lady wants-” she chuckles (again, again) waving her hand dismissively before catching herself and laying it over the patch of hair on the mare’s shoulder that surprisingly hasn’t thinned from all of Imogen’s enthusiastic (distracted) brushing.
“I will take Ceviche; you seem to have formed quite the bond with Foie Gras.”
Imogen can only nod with lips parted in silenced protest as she feels her cheeks flush again.
~
The walls of the stable are thick and stone, absent of windows save for the upper halves of the handful of wooden doors that allow for the horses to pop their heads out in eager greeting to Imogen as she walks towards them with their buckets of feed.
It is a clear day, as the Lady Bradbury has said, hot and humid and Imogen is grateful for both the surroundings and the company of the stable.
As she rakes the trodden-in and dirtied hay across the flagstone floor she allows the earthy scents of the dried grass to remind her of the smell of the sage, the crumbling mortar imitating gunpowder.
She wipes the back of her shirt sleeve across her brow, skin also sweating at the wrist where the gloves wrap work-beaten leather over shielded skin
Soft skin, mostly - save for where her fingertips appear to be frost-bitten.
A fairly visible reminder of why Imogen is here, should she forget again in the Lady’s presence-
Not that she would dare to take off the gloves.
That would only lead to questions.
‘Jammed in between horse-drawn carriage and stable door’ - she used to say, before the purple bruised tips started to migrate further, splitting out like surfaced capillaries that encompassed her fingers one knuckle at a time
They mark half-way over her palms now – like someone had dipped fine dense vegetable roots in an inkwell and struck them in lashings across her hand, punishment obfuscating her palmistry.
She hears one of the horses whinny – Ceviche most likely, a little restless, the black stallion not having been let out onto the fields yet today, as Imogen was now preparing him for his ride to be taken shortly.
The Lady’s saddle is very ornate, the leather finely tooled and decorated with organic flowing arrangements that resemble leaves and petals and insects with patterned wings or many many limbs
Its material and stitching is kin to the other saddles, the ones for notable guests and stablehands alike, brands the same maker’s mark
After a short amount of time observing (staring), Imogen suspects that the Lady tooled it herself.
~
The Lady does not ride sidesaddle – she straddles the stallion proper.
Imogen can only assume that she changes from her garden-strolling undergarments to allow for this, having never worn a crinoline herself - that would both be out-of-class, and, more importantly (to Imogen at least) - real impractical.
She had noted as such about the Lady on the first day she had seen her taking one of the horses (it was Carpaccio, a black and white paint) out of field.
It was the first instance of out-of-expected behaviour that she had witnessed.
Imogen can admit to herself that such a small thing had ignited her warming to the widow.
~
Imogen allows the Lady Bradbury and her steed to take the lead, pace set by the older woman’s enthusiasms making themselves known in short enough time from pointing out ‘notable’ forms in the sloping rock faces lining the well-worn path, covered in blankets of moss and ferns and tall stems of bell-shaped pink and white foxgloves and pomanders of wild thistles.
“I just can’t help but imagine what tiny creatures would love to make home between the cracks in the rock and the tree-stumps.”
“’lotta mice and rats I imagine, probably squirrels-”
“Well, yes, certainly…”
Ceviche’s slow walk carries on ahead of Foie Gras’, and the Lady sways with his gate in the saddle, though despite this Imogen could just about read the slight deflation in her shoulders when she had replied to the Lady’s statement.
Her head turns over her shoulder, gaze searching and challenging Imogen’s, caught staring (again), dark eyes hollows of homes burrowed in rocks, the high sun exaggerating high cheekbone architecture, pleasing ratios of brow to bridge of nose.
“…I refuse to believe that there are no imps or fairies when the land is so perfectly carved for them.”
“I can only say I’ve heard stories…” Rumours, rivers.
“Certainly, else you would not be here, would you?”
The Lady holds her gaze a moment longer, as if expecting Imogen to have an answer worth vocalising for that. Imogen feels her pulse begin to thud at her temples, the sweat returning to her hairline and underneath the cuff of her gloves.
The Lady giggles melodically and dismissively, returning her attention to whatever catches its fancy on the path ahead.
“How ugly it is that we must quarry and build. I have thought more than once about leaving the manor to the animals and the girls and making my home in the cave by the lake- oh, I am so very thrilled to show it to you.”
Her excitement cuts the atmosphere, spring back in her step transposed through the steed’s, one hand off of his reins and gesturing in the air.
“You can see it from the upper floors of the house – though that is rather rude of me to say, isn’t it? If you will allow that injustice to fall upon the architect and how societal structure seems to love its walls and assigning basement dwelling.”
Imogen finds herself inadvertently allowing Foie Gras to fall at a pace beside the Lady and Ceviche.
“That’s alright, most nights I tend t’lodge in the stables; eases my mind that I’ll be near the horses should anythin’ happen.”
“Plenty of wild animals around, yes? They do get spooked so easily.”
“I like how you’ve named ‘em – it’s fun.”
“Oh!, You do? I am so glad! You are the one who has to be calling their names most often after all.” Imogen may be in early days (hours) of learning the Lady’s tells, but the smile that creases the skin around her nose and mouth and deepens the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes feels genuine.
“It does often make me chuckle, I assume you’re fond of raw meats?”
“I suppose you would think so, wouldn’t you?”
“Are y’not?”
The Lady takes pause, her look introspective.
“Have you ever eaten horse?”
“w-what? Of course not – do people actually do that?”
“Mmhmm, across the waters – in all directions. It is certainly a common custom. What makes horse any different from beef?”
“I could never – we share a bond, they let us- they give us-” Imogen's tongue is too thick and heavy again, blubbering with words that do not come easily to it as they do her head. She allows herself a deep breath, collects what little face she has, remembers the presence she is in (a Lady regardless of murder or witchcraft) “-in all honesty I rarely eat any meat, the more time ya spend with animals the more guilty ya feel about doing so.”
“How peculiar…maybe you need to spend more time around carnivores.” The Lady laughs at her own joke this time, hand patting at the side of Ceviche’s neck, the horse unaware of what words have been said. Imogen is thankful, in this instance, though she will admit she has tried more than once to see if her mind reading extended to her four-legged friends.
“But they’ve got no choice, that’s how they were made.”
She mimics the Lady’s movements, lovingly patting Foie Gras at the same spot on her neck.
“Made…yes…You have incisors don’t you? Canines?”
“I do, but I don’t have a mouth full of ‘em. Most of our teeth are as flat as these fellas over here…” she ruffles the mare’s mane “-though I won’t deny that gettin’ bitten still hurts something fierce.”
“Makes you wonder what sort of damage you could do if you so chose to, after all, your eyes are not on the sides of your head.”
~
The lake is beautiful.
Of course it is. It displays itself naturally basined, wrapped in the embrace of the mountains surrounding draped in forest cloak, walls both man-made and much older obfuscating its view from the ground floor of the estate.
The lilac and blue hues of the pebbles are familiar, lining the vegetable patch borders in the garden, larger stones used for holding stable doors open.
It is quiet over the lake. The terrain raised around it shutting out the winds, only the quiet breeze that drifts through the canopies on the mountain crests giving a gentle whistle to the waters below, an enjoyable confusement between what is wind and what is the crashing of the tender tides.
The waters are clear blue with a hint of turquoise, green given by either the surrounding plant life’s reflection or by the ones that live underwater.
It reminds Imogen of the lakes in the mountains from her childhood. It is something else new.
Their horses slow to a stop, on the Lady’s cue.
“Magnificent, isn’t it?”
“It really is - no wonder why the horses come back so happy.”
“And will you be as such on your return?”
“Certainly m’lady, thank you for allowing me such a privilege”
“It is not mine to give, though I will make it explicit that you may come down here whenever you wish – providing the horses are happy, of course. That is what I ask of you.”
Imogen thinks she is blushing again, but the feeling is further inside her than her veins, a warmth radiating.
“You take good care of the servants at the estate, don’t you?”
For the first time, the Lady seems thrown by what Imogen offers, a step behind instead of two larger-horsed paces ahead.
“They take better care of me.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone wish to leave their home to the help.”
“It would be the very least I could do.”
“You give ‘em food and a roof over their heads-”
“They sow the seeds, they tend to the animals, they butcher their meat and harvest the wheat to bake the bread. I have been so lucky that they have yet to poison me.”
“I can only say from ma short experience that I’d find that hard t’understand.”
Her face softens again. It feels both comforting like a blanket but then uneasing like having the lights blown out.
“Funny thing, perspective…”
Lady Bradbury slides off of her horse, heels of her fine boots falling into the gaps between the pebbles, though her footing remains certain, experienced.
On the surface of the lake the trees grow downwards, the birds fly with their bellies exposed to what lies in the waters.
The Lady halts, dropping to one knee as she makes short work of the laces on her shoes.
Imogen isn’t sure if she should be offering to remove them for her, jumps down from Foie Gras and jogs clumsily on uneven surface towards the Lady regardless.
“There are old stories of this lake, you know-”
Lady Bradbury confesses a little breathlessly, lung capacity limited by the press of her thigh into her stomach. She swaps her knee for the other on the ground, starting on the other lace.
“I won’t tell of them just yet, I would hate for them to be off-putting.”
She stands straight again, the sieved remnants of harsher winds that have made it over the mountains’ embrace wishing to make field mouse nests of her hair, spiderwebs of the lace collar around her neck, footprints of birds’ feet fossilised in the marble cornering her eyes.
She looks at home at the lake, certainly a natural thing - flesh and blood and bones cocoons to silk cotton to yarn to lace – Imogen wonders what a marvel the Lady could paint and chisel into the mouth of an open cave.
Balancing, she pulls each shoe free, grin knowing, slightly manic, intensely catching Imogen before she gathers the length of layers of skirts into one hand and steps into the clear waters.
Imogen swears she sees something conjure beneath its surface to greet her.
Laudna Bradbury had (maybe) murdered her husband – (maybe) with witchcraft, most importantly - but Imogen has bigger questions that require her answers, and so she follows the Lady into the lake.
#imodna#critical role#imogen temult#laudna#bells hells#here it is folks#the 1800s ish AU in an unspecified location!#thank you to my boy freshy for being my proof reader#im feeling more aware than ever about how much of a mess my writing is to read#this will be up on ao3 once ive got my invite#but unil then...#browz writes#(!!!!??????)#recommended reading#look at me use that tag on myself#comments are fuel for typing bbz
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the foreshadowing in this chapter is insane
#literally every conversation has so many nuggets of foreshadowing#like arthur literally said imagine if that happened to you#fast forwars to the end and it does#yes I am using this to fuel my charthur agenda what about it#I wish these scenes looked more cinematic and I would make a web weaving type edit#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#charles smith#arthur morgan#my posts
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Is it Too Late?
It was the monthly movie night as a break from the usual routine.
The softshell turtle would usually expect your arrival, looking over his shoulder, on whatever work in progress invention he was working on.
However, by the time you and the others were waiting for the pizza to arrive.
You didn't sit near him. Mostly across from him as you listened to one of his brothers. Talking about something that happened earlier in the day.
And most of the interactions you gave to him were just a smile. A different one he wasn't used to.
You might have been true to your word with giving him space.
Since he was surprised that you wanted to ask him out on a date last Saturday.
It might have been that same smile that appeared when he rejected your feelings.
.
..
...
Saying how you weren't his type but, still appreciated your company nonetheless.
It almost felt insulting that he got to eat his favorite pizza. While you try to eat a fresh slice despite your broken heart hiding those crushed feelings.
The Jupiter Jim movie playing in the background just felt like a white noise as you tried to seem interested in the movie. But after the first movie was done, Donnie overheard a conversation between you and Leo.
"Hey Leo, can you portal me home?"
"Something came up so I can't really stick around for the rest of the movie night."
"Sure but, kind of missing out on Donnie fanboying on the next movie because."
"We would have sneaked away to let you two lovebirds have that special moment."
"Those words from Mikey and Raph because you saw how they panicked. Trying not to spoil their plan out in the open."
Donnie felt horrible seeing you lightly tug the shoulder straps of your backpack, that was intended for the movie night sleepover.
You still kept up the facade as you politely smiled back at Leo. Slowly heading towards the light blue portal.
"You usually avoid these sort of plans. What changed your mind about it?"
Leo pretended to stretch his arms but, still grinned at you.
"With someone like Kendra being his type, its not gonna last long."
"You're the exact opposite and I mean that in a good way."
"You're like a personal cheerleader for him."
You were inches away from the portal. Stopping your steps close to tears in your eyes. But, held back trying not to crack under pressure.
"Guess I have to be careful with any of your matchmaking ideas."
After hearing you two go your separate ways for the night, Donnie's shell lightly hit the wall as he sat down. Horrified at the thought of his brothers eventually finding out that he broke your heart. Or attempting to rebuilt that friendship you had with him.
#rottmnt x reader#donnie x reader#rise donnie x reader#I wanted to try something different and idk this type of scenario always likes to repeat every now and then#especially that my main rise oc used to have a crush on donnie but eventually went to leo but this isn't about her lol#also I've been reading through the answer arcs for higu/rashi so :3c (it might have fueled this type of writing hehehe)
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(*i dont know what kind of dog huan is, but he sheds. a lot. caranthir just wants to have ONE (1) space thats not covered in shed fur)
assume this is in the context of a modern au, or else that everyone is miraculously back from the dead and generally getting along fine and in the interim aman has had its industrial revolution and produced a more eco-friendly equivalent to our technologies
dont take this too seriously or get upset if your blorbo isn't represented, i filled out the ballot on a whim lmao. if you have someone you are Convinced would have one that isn't on this ballot, please do mention it in the tags
#silmarillion#silm polls#polls#house of finwe#finweans#feanorians#nolofinweans#arafinweans#and for anyone curious about why i excluded some of them (i.e. my highly arbitrary headcanons im sticking to):#feanor and nerdanel have seven kids and two(+) crafts that utilize a lot of bulky materials. they dont have time for vehicular aesthetics#they have a 15 passenger vans for kid ferrying and a delivery-type van to move materials and Thats It#i honestly think finrod is too social for a car that only seats two#maglor has a minivan. i will not be accepting criticism or substitutions at this time. he needs the space for his instruments and kids#(where'd he get the kids? are they his? probably. maybe. dont worry about it. did you know that minivans have /so many/ cupholders?)#curufin also has a minivan because he has only one child but is completely obsessive about his safety. and minivans are generally very safe#celegorm refuses to consider buying a vehicle his dog cant fit into and has either a jeep or a toyota hylux that he uses to the max#maeglin has a nightmare car he cobbled together out of the remains of twelve different makes and models. its extremely fuel efficient but#visibly frankensteined together and he almost never gets asked to give anyone a ride to the airport#(jury's still out on whether that was an intentional part of the design or not)#i dont have a solid reasoning for leaving off findis and arafinwe. they just dont seem to me like they would#same for celebrian gil-galad or the rest of the great-grandkids. i either dont know them well enough or they dont strike me as the type#god these tags are ridiculous. okay cutting myself off now goodbye
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wait james somerton sounds a lot like some people on tumblr when they start spouting off about queer history or supposed controversies within it. is that where you guys are getting your stuff? is it james somerton brain poisoning?
#i had never watched or heard of his channel before hbomb and todd's videos#im still watching todds video i just got past that stupid nambla part#tales from diana#i suppose there's a lot to say about people making as nick called 'observational' statements but what todd more aptly calls#pulling shit out of one's ass.#it's the same thing as somerton talking about straight women or white women or straight white women being offended at gay sex scenes#yet supposedly seeking out queer media that would have gay sex scenes?#or slighting more chaste/fluffy queer media ie heartstopper?#ppl who have these sorts of biases against certain types of gay people or their media if it's not what they see as#the most radical progressive form of queer visibility and acceptance.#creating strawmen enemies that they stand in defiance of#yeah this stuff is really getting my mind rolling#i swear ive seen a lot of these points james somerton has made being later used elsewhere on social media#was it ppl watching him who were inspired to go on these rants?#bc ive always seen these sorts of citationless rants and ravings in queer-friendly spaces and been like 'what are you talking about'#maybe someone with a scarf and a video essay voice told them smugly that these things were true#crazy. crazy#but also then again how much of this baseless speculation on social media just fueled/inspired the writing of these video essays...#idk. misinformation is a self-perpetuating cycle.
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My CG titles on my main account normally: character names, brief description of what’s going on, chapter numbers
My CG titles when I’m sleepy and playing on my 2nd account:
#listen i love kay i do but he isn't really my type#and i've been so uninterested in his route 😭#also fr my girl had fuel vouchers ammo records and watercolor paper and she connected the dots from just that#she clocked jean-francois because of watercolor paper#it’s the way i still took the time to do my little archiving thing#but why’s the last one saved as ep3 😭 i don’t even use “ep” i use “ch” to archive it#and that’s supposed to be s2 ch10 💀 idk where i got “ep3” from#rc psi#romance club psi#rc lou reed#rc kay stone#romance club
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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just saw someone call horrorstör by grady hendrix “cozy horror” i’m sorry but in what world. you have to be so removed from the reality of what working retail is like to be like hehe cozy horror because it takes place in haunted ikea :) also like. was it so super cozy when that girl gets possessed and starts choking on her own snot lol like some of the shit he describes in this book is so vile so please explain to me what part of the book is cozy
#it’s about like. inhumane treatment of prisoners in the past and the imposition of the protestant work ethic on people working#for inadequate compensation and the way that exploitation of labor persists in our modern work lives despite attempts at reform#because the system is so ingrained in a history of abuse fueled by the moral weight of the protestant work ethic#and our culture is so attached to the self made man ‘pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ narrative#and ladder climbing mentality and ideas about what types of job ‘deserve’ minimum wage vs a livable wage#and we’re so used to pouring all of our time and energy into our jobs that we become part of the corporate machine without having time and#energy left to thrive in our own personal lives#but sure it’s ‘cozy’ because ikea smh#idk it just annoys me because people will just be out here saying shit that doesn’t mean anything because it’s a buzzword
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I made a mistake– I shouldn't have listened to her–
Am I actually invested in Yuan × Dazai of all things ಠ∀ಠ?? Like why is it so cute?? Dazai was invited to join the sheep, so just imagine a universe where he accepts, and grows amongst them, slowly falling for Yuan with an exasperated Chūya who wants this dumbass in denial to get a grip. I AM ALREADY SCENARIOS OF THEM OMFG WHAT–
Opening TikTok was the worst, and best mistake of my life because what the hell is happening to me.
#the fanart is gorgeous though#and the dynamic hcs on tt are so precious–#bsd#saff-ron tag#bsd dazai#bsd yuan#Yuanzai#yuan x dazai#that was kinda weird to type ಥ‿ಥ#i think i'll get used to it at one point if i decide to post on them anytime soon#i'm going to hop onto ao3 now i need to fuel my brainrot
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i wish apple updates, ANY UPDATES, that change one small thing in the worst way possible while giving you no option to take it back, already having taken my info, my data, my privacy, now demanding what little joy and dignity I have left, a very much i hope you perish with fire on your skin and water in your lungs with the knowledge no one will ever love you and no one has.
#morg rambles#why is there an arrow telling me im using caps lock#did you chucklefucks forget there is a literal LIGHT that GLOWS when i am using capslock#did you fucker mouth breathing shit eating worm guzzling FREAKS not LET YOUR MIND PROCESS that when i am TYPING and i FUCKING SEE the lette#IS IN CAPS#I THEREFORE KNOW IT IS IN CAPS#I DO NOT NEEEEEEEEEEED#IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FROM#FOR AN ANNOYING LITTLE SCREEN ARROW TO TELL ME#i do not nEEEEEEEEEED for my phone is now AUTOMATICALLY blur my OWN FUCKING IMAGES for my wallpaper#WHY#would you make it a two click process TO SEND MEMES OR PHOTOS OR VOICE MEMOS when it was always A ONE CLICK PROCESS#i feel like they SNIFF out whatever actually works and then REMOVE IT WITH GREAT HASTE BECAUSE GOD FORBID WE HAVE JOY AND DIGNITY IN THIS#TECH FUELED NIGHTMARE#I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SPLEEN#IF NOT FOR THE FACT I KNOW THERE IS GREAT PAINS ON THE OTHER SIDE I WOULD SWITCH BEFORE YOU COULD BLINK#i do not need the minds behind this to perish i need them to DIE with FIRE ON THEIR SKIN and WATER IN THEIR LUNGS#i need to get this out my system before i start foaming at the mouth in unbridled agony#that is all#thank you for coming to my ted talk#fuck apple#fuck updates#rambles idk idk
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i think i might revamp my lore a little bit. again. not that there's much to revamp but likeeeeeeeeeeee
#i think a lot about What Do Animals Do Better Than Robots#in general not just in regards to flight rising bc i do study a thing that animals specifically are able to do and not robots#i guess maybe that's one cool thing about hyper regenerating biological mechas.... they can just Keep Going#the idea of a mecha that just keeps growing back its limbs (just in a wrong way) after being damaged is soooo.... idk... it's sexy to me#and of course they would need fuel#i guess that would give a rationale for the deep tropical setting? way more biomass in general lol#but then like the ecosystem. lmfao#maybe they have some kind of bioengineered stomachs that can break down any kind of organic matter into energy/fuel for regenerating#something like that#idk#anyway i think human vs alien is way too pacific rim for me and i also like my worlds to be Painfully Mundane in some ways#i think it's funnier if biomechs are literally just like territory guard dogs that people use to duke it out over mining resources in caves#or something#idk maybe even the caves are where you can farm a very specific type of microorganism that produces some valuable byproduct#i love saying idk. and i love doing stupid biology shit in my lore ouguhghrhhghghh
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Darklords Playlist
on repeat tag ✧ tagged by @churchyardgrim
rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist & post the first ten tracks, then tag people
The Looking Glass - Birthday Massacre
The Beauty Underneath - Love Never Dies
Bones - Lenii, Benta
Fuel - Metallica
Love You to Death - Type O Negative
You'll Be Back - Hamilton
Faith - Ghost
Burn - The Cure
Christian Woman - Type O Negative
Cirice- Ghost
Metal mixed with 90s alternative mixed with musicals with a random calm song thrown in. Makes sense.
I'm not a tagger, so if you see this and wish to do it yourself, have at it.
#Fuel by Metallica is the somatic component for a summoning ritual#lich play list#I may have been listening to ghost and type 0 negative a lot lately#if you don't use spotify often like yours truly the 'on repeat' mix can be found by searching for 'made for me' in the search bar
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how terrifying is it that you really can’t look up anything on youts anymore like.. 5 boosted results and then random recommendations i didn’t ask for and aren’t even remotely related to my search keywords?? .....man...
#looking up anything sucks these days make it stooooop#i'm used to being very specific in what i type in search bars and thoroughly searching results but i can't even find results that are not#crap now :s#keep us stupid and uninformed and try breaking our will to learn more yeah#it's 2 am and i'm too tired to get angry but it's here...it's adding to the fuel#nanabim
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uuhhhhhhhh hi outlast fandom i have stuff that probably will change but drawing/writing sounds fun so here i am
i don't really have any. au names i've only had this for a few days but i do have one oc so far
also i forgot to create a shadowy effect around the walrider—i'm doing my best i swear
#artists on tumblr#fandom#ly's art#outlast#blake langermann#lynn langermann#lisa park#miles upshur#waylon park#the walrider#miles fits a lot of my fave character types oops#TRIED to make waylon blonde-ish but idk what counts under that so it's like prob weird looking so i may adjust that idk#don't mind me i'm just not used to putting stuff in main tags so i'm just anxious rn but uuhh hope you enjoy what i have here#i've been listening to starset songs while doing outlast stuff so there free band recommendation#anyway—tags that are just for my blog ahead#au: fuel to flame#ftf: blake langermann#ftf: lynn langermann#ftf: lisa park#ftf: miles upshur#ftf: waylon park#ftf: the walrider
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