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jazjelspen · 2 years ago

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leaving on wild charted waters [pt.3]

(what if our mc just got tired of Night Raven College and it's inhabitants?)

(how would some of our NRC students react to this?...)

(includes each house leader +ace and deuce! as requested!<3)

(also includes lots of angst!/mention of blood but not a lot/ angst angst angst angst angst--/not proofread/may be ooc and inconsistent in some places(in both the second part and this part) my apologies!! T-T/mention of book7 overblot/did I mention angst?)

it's been over two weeks now, two weeks in RSA.

so far you've met the headmaster of the school, Ambrose LXIII, with the guidance of Rielle. the headmaster understood your circumstances and talked to you about how he'll try his best to find a way back home for you, and to ease up any of your doubts and concerns he even said he'll promptly ask a student to hand you a report from him of any progress he's made to ensure a safe passage back home for you!

even without having to be an official student or enroll they let you stay in the same dorm as Rielle with your own dorm room as a temporary stay here... and your dorm room was actually nice and well set up! like a hotel room... you were relieved you didn't have to worry about the ceiling cracking and falling on your face for the rest of your nights here.

and to your amazement the headmaster kept his word, unlike Crowley. any report of progress was mostly driven by research but he did mention a lot of Twisted Wonderland's history to connect to any potential gateways back to your world... and this felt way better than whatever Crowley was doing so it was like a breath of fresh air.

finally for the first time ever you've been able to feel like you’re several steps closer to seeing your friends and family back home!... every time you'd think about it you'd get goosebumps of excitement.

during these past few days you've met an enormous amount of friends! most of them being Rielle's while others were outside of the inner social circle but still all of them were friendly or just got along in some way or form, it seemed almost magical. aside from Rielle one of your other closest friends was this boy of green eyes and long, and I mean long blonde hair that usually either dragged behind him or was in a huge braid, he was actually the one who healed your broken arm and wounds with his magical healing powers from his hair! and now you're able to be more active again!

Raps is his name, and he was usually always called upon and under strict supervision by his father whom was a professor there... but you weren't sure if they are related by blood or not since the professor had dark black curls and grey eyes rather than the yellow haired boy's more bright features, but you never really bothered to ask or wonder much. in the end you two got along well and actually had a bit in common! mostly due to the fact that you both can relate to the feeling of being trapped, restrained.

in the end you absolutely loved your temporary stay here so far, you hoped no overblots would ruin your experience... so you never really let your guard down but nonetheless it was relaxing.

we wouldn't be able to say the same for Night Raven College and everyone you left behind though!

Meanwhile in Night Raven College....

it was after classes ended on this cold and grey day when five particular freshmen and a student robot of NRC have been grouping up after school for the past week for one particular reason only...

"where could they be?? we've searched everywhere! the halls, the classrooms, the garden, forest, the shore... it's like they disappeared from thin air!" exclaimed the ace, Ace Trappola to be exact.

"we've looked everywhere Ace, what also irks me is that even Vil has been harsher on the entire dorm since they disappeared." the apple of the group, Epel Felmier, sighed in frustration on the brink of snapping.

"...but could they have been taken, kidnapped?... I'm sure Grim would've heard of any struggle but we haven't even heard from the cat." spoke the wolf of the group, Jack Howl.

"no.. Grim has been avoiding us like the plague and even managed to sneak away from us several times. not sure where he could be hiding now aside from the old ramshackle dorm but-- even yet he always manages to slip through our hands!..." the spade spoke worryingly, Deuce Spade was deeply concerned for your safety and confused over Grim's actions.

"that human!! they've been driving the young master mad! all he's been talking about is where they could be and if they are alright!!... and every time I come back to him it's like the sky and his excellence himself just keeps getting worse and worse!.." the loudest knight of Malleus Draconia, Sebek Zigvolt, exclaimed loudly with worry for both the prefect and his young master... but more worried about the young master's train of thought with how worse the clouds have been getting with the most terrible rain and thunder when each day goes by.

"my big brother hasn't been sleeping at all.. way worse than when he has his game marathons. he's constantly looking for any digital footprint they could've left or even trying to hack into their location but it always overrides somehow... it always says that the device is dead or nonexistent." the younger of the shroud brothers, Ortho Shroud, is seen stressing over you and his big brother, Idia Shroud. "with the amount of information my big brother has been trying to look through it could possibly even make me short circuit."

the entire group was at a frustrating dead end for any clue of your disappearance aside from all your everyday items being left behind and your last known scent to be in the ramshackle dorm and at the very edge of the sea. other than that no one has much of a clue.

well they have been hearing from students that a ship appeared as quickly as it disappeared in the night/very early morning before anyone was up, and that one rumor caused other different kinds of rumors to spread like wildfire. some say you were abducted by pirates, stolen by mischievous pixies, suddenly teleported back into your world without warning, or even... that you have finally left on your own. everyone acknowledged the rumors but they didn't want to think about the reality, the cold hard truth, that you really could've left.

if only they knew how terrible their house leaders took it too.

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(requested characters)

Ace: the ace, one of the first people you've met. he's always been a funny and childish friend, sometimes he made you laugh and cry of joy from his terrible yet funny jokes and antics while other times said antics would get you in trouble. he didn't want to accept that he could be part of the reason why you're gone, which is why he tried to convince himself and everyone else around that you were taken instead of leaving voluntarily... he wouldn't be able to handle the guilt and heartbreak to accept that you truly left. he loved you, he truly cared for you and your well-being-- he knew he had a hard time to express these feelings but you were his best friend! of course he cared for your health! but... he couldn't handle the fact that maybe just maybe... he wasn't there for you enough to stay with them a little longer.

he could still remember the first day that you were gone, you weren't in any of your classes-- the teachers didn't even call your name when taking attendance anymore. it was utterly bizarre. Grim was still in his classes yet he sat far away from any students that knew you and disappeared after every class ended.. it was as if he was hiding something. and he was, but Ace and Deuce had no idea what it could be aside that they knew it was about you.

in the end, Ace is left heartbroken knowing that he didn't make sure to do enough to help you even when you asked for it from them. he knew that all he and deuce gave you was pure and utter trouble.

and he couldn't accept the fact, so now here he is having his friends look for you when he knew that you were long gone without even saying goodbye.

Deuce: the spade, one of the first people you've met alongside the ace, a passionate yet slow boy with a heart of gold. as much as he cared for you too the way Ace did he knew that even he wasn't helping either. he knew they should've done more or at least what you asked of them. but now you're gone, and just like Ace it seems as if he too is in denial about their part in your disappearance. he truly wants to believe that you didn't leave on your own even if all evidence was starting to slowly point to that possibility.

unlike Ace though, he seemed to be accepting it faster than him. he still followed along with the story that you were taken but he knew that after all the trouble, all the overblots, all your injuries-- he knew you just couldn't handle it anymore. after all it was clearly written on your face the day when you awoke from losing consciousness in the last overblot that you were ready to move on and make proper progress to get home.

he just...truly wishes that at least wherever you are that you are at least taking care of yourself with more helpful and reliable friends by your side, something he knew that he and Ace weren't able to do.

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(your dorm leaders)

Riddle

inside of the dorm with pampered red roses adorning every corner was the queen of hearts of the Heartslabyul dorm completely and utterly tearing his dorm room into shreds in pure red rage.

Riddle Rosehearts was fuming, heartbroken, and betrayed on so many levels that he hasn't felt in a good while. hearing from Cater and Trey about your disappearance and then hearing from other of his dorm students about the ship that sailed here as quickly as it left in the late hours of the night/very early hours of the morning.

he immediately assumed that you were kidnapped and in danger! he even marched to the headmaster's office to report your disappearance with other dorm leaders!... well actually-- surprisingly they all came at the same time without planning. but in the end when approaching Crowley with this question of 'where is the prefect?', the headmaster was calm, horrifyingly calm, and said a phrase that shook him on many levels with his fellow dorm leaders beside him.

"they parted ways with us to find other opportunities at finding their home! they felt too bad to tell you all so they just left."

"but they will be coming back to say goodbye before they go back home-- if they find a way back home... right?" spoke the leader of Ignihyde, for the first time out of his room.

"unlikely!" exclaimed the headmaster with a smile.

that one first phrase that headmaster Crowley told them was all that he needed to hear, in the moment of processing what he's heard everything was basically fading away as he also slowly but quickly ran back to his dorm room, in tears.

he was so angry, so furious, so emotional, so... he felt as if his own heart had been grabbed and thrown out of his chest. 'why couldn't you at least say goodbye??' he'd think.

he has never thrown so many books, ripped up so many letters he's written for you from himself that he never dared to send or give, and cut up then stepped on so many bouquets of roses in his room with your name on the tags.

wait...

oh, those roses.

he stopped dead in his tracks with tears streaming down his face as he pathetically dropped down to his knees at the sight of all the five sad 'bouquets' of fresh red roses he planned to give you, now all had their petals and stems broken, torn, shredded, and crushed.

he then realized he didn't have his gloves on anymore... his palms had small yet prominent holes that were dripping red, red as the roses he destroyed. seems like the roses had thorns.

ahh..he remembers now...

those roses were meant just for you.

Leona:

"what do you mean you still haven't found the herbivore yet?..." spoke the ruthless Kingscholar lion of Savannaclaw in a low yet snarly tone "I doubt they could've swam themselves out of here with waters like the ones this place has anyway. you all are likely not even looking right." he huffed as he closed his eyes with his body on the ground of the botanical garden facing away from the hyena gasping for air due to all the running that he had to do to bring the news to Leona.

Ruggie took a few deep breathes and quick pants before speaking "...we've already got twelve other students including the Ignihyde dorm leader's younger brother and the vice-dorm leader of Pomefiore, a robot and a hunter, looking around and no one's found them! Howl already tried to sniff them out and all we came up with was nothing much but just a faint smell of them from the shore." he huffed and panted in exhaustion.

Leona just scoffed "as I mentioned before, you're all still probably not looking in the right places."

Ruggie tried to intercept but knew that even if he did it'd be fruitless and gain nothing from trying to correct Leona, yet he was frustrated too and wanted to know where you could be as well.

but unlike the freshmen at least Ruggie has been starting to accept the possibility that you really have left, forever. Ruggie was about to turn and leave to continue the search and try to sniff out any information from other students until---

"Bucchi." Leona broke the short silence with a throaty command for his attention which he certainly achieved with both of Ruggie's ears poking up to hear his next set of words.

"keep participating in the search for the prefect. If all continues to come up dry, then I'll just have to take this into my own hands."

and this time without trying to speak a single word back he nodded with a quick and stern 'mhm' before scurrying off to help the rest of the students. once the hyena was gone Leona then had his eyes look up through one of the many windows in the garden that are presenting the sky's ever growing storm. oh how much he was longing for you.

he could still remember as if it was yesterday, when Crowley told all of the house leaders the news after they all abruptly showed up at the same time.

"they parted ways with us to find other opportunities at finding their home!"

that phrase.. he remembered how taken aback he was.

Leona slammed his fists on the headmaster's table "parted. ways?? as in they left NRC?!" a low growl came from inside his throat as Headmaster Crowley contained his eerily calm smile on his face.

"Sir Kingscholar I must insist you to control your temper." he spoke in his usual annoying and irritating voice "It's what they decided and were set on, end of story."

Leona couldn't remember much else after that blow out since all he did right after that was back away and stayed stuck in his thoughts until finally he just left the room suddenly. He didn't listen to any conversations that happened after that since all he could think was 'why not at least say goodbye?'

he finished recounting the moment before he mumbled to himself "I still have too much to say to you.",

but really he hoped that somehow somewhere you could still hear him. even if you probably left them for good.

Azul:

The sea witch of the Octavinelle dorm was pacing back and forth in every corner across his office in the Mostro Lounge. He's tried his best to squeeze out any information out of any of his dorm students or employees about the prefect with the help of his left and right hand eels ,Jade and Floyd Leech, with Floyd being the most productive yet not catching much information aside from the students he's squeezed the air out of exclaiming about some ship that has left in the midst of the night way pass midnight but too early to be morning. It intrigued all three yet it made our octopus pop a few nerves with how panicky he's been.

when he first heard this rumor it made him run to the headmaster's office with the immense fear that you could've been taken. he could remember his glasses slipping off at every bounce he made with each step of his run. he could remember the moment he opened the door to the headmaster's office along with the sudden appearance of all of his fellow house leaders in the same room..(excluding Malleus as usual) he could still feel the sweat dripping down his face, the crazy and misplaced strands of hair from his usual look, his glasses lopsided, and the scarf of his uniform threatening to fall off his shoulder-- of course he attempted to fix every one of these details on the spot to look somewhat presentable.

yet the answer he got from the headmaster was nothing short of soul-crushing for him. he asked a continuous amounts of questions as to why and how but all were dodged by the headmaster and answered with a short,

"it's just what they decided."

now he's just back into his office now diving head first into his work and school. much to his dismay it only kept him distracted for a temporary amount of time and in the dark of night under his covers all he could think about is you, just you.

he truly wished he could've been a part of your world.

Kalim:

the generous sultan of the Scarabia dorm was sulking in his room with his friend Jamil sitting by his side. Kalim was heartbroken over your disappearance and he remembers how worried sick he was at first. he like many assumed you were kidnapped and he was even waiting for some kind of ransom note to appear and he would've paid full price and more... but when he and other dorm leaders came to talk their concerns all they got was the news that you left voluntarily.

he was one of very few that felt that in their hearts you'd come back. one way or another Kalim felt in his broken heart that you'd appear as suddenly as you disappeared and unlike other dorm leaders he wouldn't put it against you to the slightest. he wouldn't hold grudges or be mad at you if you ever came back, in fact he understood why you'd leave and he was all up for making everything ten times better than before just so you'd never leave him again.

"you have to be realistic here, Kalim. for all we know maybe they found a way home faster than they did here, or they found a place where they don't have to worry about the next overblot or what their next meal will be." Jamil tried to be straightforward and blunt with Kalim, he didn't want him to have hope that you'd come back and then actually never coming back. "we don't know and may never know unless some kind of obvious sign shows that they will actually come back... but just don't keep your hopes up. for your sake." Jamil stood up from the edge of the bed to walk towards the exit of the room "I'll be back, I have to make dinner so you won't go to sleep starving."

With Jamil leaving Kalim then jumped out of his bed to open his window, the sky still not clear of the grey clouds and still not dark enough for the second star of the right to show up but still hoped that his message would still be received by the wishing star.

the platinum blonde boy held his hands together under his lips "please please please please.. please.." Kalim mumbled, wishing with all his heart.

"please, may _____ be safe, sound, and happy... wherever they are.."

Vil:

in the dorm of the fairest queen was the dorm leader watching from up above behind the tallest window of his room. clenching both of the red velvet curtains in his hands as he watched a group of freshman and a robot, including one of his own, group up and talk hectically and stressfully to each other. Vil Schoenheit knew very well why this particular group of students were talking in such an exaggerating manner, after all... with what Rook has told him and what he's heard from various students around the school it was most definitely about you.

as collected and uncaring as he tried to seem right now he could definitely feel worry and a kind of anger bubble up inside him.

'could you really have left?' he thinks.

remembering what the headmaster said and all the bits of evidence he and Rook have picked up it seemed that it was certainly the case.

"they parted ways with us to find other opportunities at finding their home! they felt too bad to tell you all so they just left." spoke the headmaster.

you really did leave without saying goodbye.

he couldn't completely blame you, as silent and busy as he was he obviously knew that his and the rest of the overblots and people that surrounded you were bringing you down. it's why he invited you at times for make-overs, spa days, and everything in between to at least brighten up your spirits whenever he could.

"I suppose all of that wasn't enough for you." Vil mumbled to himself as he aggressively thrashed both curtains he held in each hand inward to close off the view of the storm clouds from the sky, to stop those clouds from taunting him any longer.

that and because he couldn't let anyone from out his window see the mascara dripping down his face.

"Roi de Poison?..." his hunter spoke in a calm and hesitant voice, noting that this isn't exactly the time to try to make conversation.

and he was right "Rook!--" Vil seemed to have jumped, immediately yet carefully wiping his mascara-filled tears with a handkerchief on him. "what is so important that you had to come in without knocking??" he exclaimed as he has yet to face his hunter.

"Roi de Posion... there is something your eyes must see to believe." he seemed to take out his phone with an image on his screen.

"Well get on with it then!" Vil exclaimed before he finally turned to face Rook in dramatic motion, eyes still a bit bloodshot even from the few tears he had.

Rook carefully approached Vil, phone in hand, once he took one last look on the screen to make sure it showed what he wanted to show the hunter then finally faced the screen towards his dorm leader with hesitance.

it was a Magicam account, someone's most recent post...from yesterday..

it was Neige.

but.. wait... that person by his side.. it couldn't be--

why were you in Neige's Magicam post?

Idia:

dorm leader of the underworld Ignihyde, has not been sleeping as much as he should be. of course he's never slept well in the first place but it's just been getting worse since the ramshackle prefect has left.

currently Idia Shroud was looking for any digital footprints he could find, trying to track your location, trying to figure out where you could be. in the end it was all for naught since for the past week or two he's found nothing and basically has given up at this point.

he leaned back against his gaming chair and with a sigh of disappointment, he didn't want to accept what Crowley told all of the house leaders in his office. he knew that there's some kind of trace of you out there somewhere, he felt like it was up to him to find the person who bothered to give him the time of day and attention that he'd never thought he'd get.

the light from his screens were causing his eyes to become dry and almost bloodshot, each blink hurting his mind and his focus. that was until a notification came from his phone.

that's strange.. no one ever sends him messages unless it's in game.

he grabbed his phone beside his keyboard to read the message. how odd, it was from the noob Rook Hunt. what would the vice-dorm leader of Pomefiore want anything with him? nonetheless Idia was slightly intrigued yet annoyed, he pressed on the notification to lead him straight to the new chat with the hunter, it said:

"Roi de Ta Chambre, I do hope this finds you well. A little bird told me that you too have been wondering about the safety and whereabouts of our beloved missing prefect. I may have the answer to your worries here."

below the message was a link to a Magicam post under the name of Neige Leblanc. he's heard of the name but was never interested in the petty and do-gooder lives of any of the RSA students. he cautiously pressed on the link to show a photo, a photo of said Neige Leblanc posing with a familiar face... a familiar face that he now wished he didn't see.

it was you, you were with an RSA student...

"tch..." Idia grumbled as he threw his phone back on his desk before he stepped back out of his chair and walked over to his bed "why did i even bother."

he fell face first into his bed and hugged one of his long yet soft pillows tightly, tears quietly falling down on their own slowly, he didn't dare make a sound in case Ortho would come barging in. he continued to cry quietly now acknowleging that you truly did leave without a goodbye, and left with RSA students no less, and with how you treated him before you left-- he dreamed that he might've had a chance with you.

but he should've known, dreams are for rookies.

Malleus:

the dragon prince of Diasomnia was a strange case, unlike every one of his fellow dorm leaders he actually knew that you left by ship. where to though he had no clue.

he remembers that he came to visit you at late hours of the night at the ramshackle dorm like he usually does except he saw you sneak out with nothing but Grim on your back. he followed you walking down to the shore to see a large ship awaiting for a passenger and what shook him a bit more was that the headmaster was there beside the ship, expecting... you. Malleus watched in confusion as you gave your beloved fiery feline a huge and long hug and some shared words with the headmaster. he was about to teleport himself right in front of you when he saw you walk up the gangplank of the ship to hop aboard but he stopped himself when he remembered about your cast.

ahh yes, how could he forget. he gave you the broken arm, the cuts and wounds, he gave them all to you when he overblotted. he knew that you said you had a chance of going back home but he didn't think it'd have you to go by ship.. and without saying goodbye.

in the end he just watched you and the ship disappear, watched Grim slowly walk back to ramshackle, and watched the headmaster disappear on the spot.

for the next few days that passed he's been mourning the loss of your presence, he's almost casted spells to take himself to you-- to retrieve you and hide you in a tower with nothing but him to protect you... to right all the wrongs he's made. he'd bring you fresh flowers every day and make sure to keep you healthy and happy, he'd do anything to have you back.

but he should've held back, every other person who's overblot you had to deal with should've held back. the headmaster should've done his job. then maybe just maybe you would've been able to be in his arms that night when you left.

in the end he was the only one who didn't ever visit the headmaster for any information about you. he had no reason after all he saw you leave.

after he gets a grip on himself though, he will confront Headmaster Crowley for any information as to 'why' he let you leave.

right now all he could ask is why... why why??.. the more he felt stuck in his thoughts the more the storm outside worsened. at this point everyone could see how he's feeling, his entourage of three tried their best to comfort him but it was no use. the prince of thorns was stuck sulking, and he didn't know how else to stop unless you were back into his arms.

he's also been taking way too many naps now, strange to his three knights yet he knew he did this because every time in every one of his dreams he had you in his arms and walked beside you. he had you all to himself in his dreams.

he saw that this was a better solution than being awake.

(THIS IS SUPER LONG and I might've messed up here and there T-T hope it broke a few hearts tho! I tried my very best in each one of their reactions!<3)

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nerdyqueerandjewish · 11 months ago

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7 Types of Rest

I've been reading a bit about this and jotting down some notes because the framework is helpful for communicating my different kinds of exhausted and gives me ideas on how to help myself more, and idk I thought I would share because I think other people might find it useful or interesting. I don't have just one article on it to recommend because unfortunately they are almost all trying to sell you their telehealth services or a meditation app or whatever.

**Disclaimer that resting isn't going to fix everything, examples of things to do aren't going to be accessible to everyone, they are just meant to be a start to brain storming, this is not medical advice etc...**

Physical - Relates to activities that are physically restorative

Mental - Relates to taking a break from mental stimulation

Spiritual - Relates to the fundamental need for belonging, purpose and acceptance

Emotional - Relates to being able to experience and express your real and authentic feelings

Sensory - Relates to giving your senses a break from stimulation

Social - Relates to feeling energized by spending time with people who contribute to your life in positive, supportive, and meaningful ways

Creative - Relates to appreciating beauty or feeling awe/wonder

Notes I made for "signs you need x type of rest" and actually getting that type of rest are under the cut. Again, they are personal so take them with a grain of salt. Also some of my notes on things I could do would definitely apply to others. I didn't want to keep writing "go outside" and "journal" for over half of them lol.

Physical Rest

Signs you may need physical rest

Feeling fatigued, body aches and pains

Feeling mentally sluggish or foggy

Getting some relief

Prioritize getting good quality sleep

Go on walks or engage in other gentle physical activity

Stretch throughout the day

Getting a massage (maybe trade with a friend or partner?)

Improve the ergonomics of your workspace

Mental Rest

Signs you may need mental rest

Unable to concentrate or recall simple things

Unable to relax

Racing thoughts

Getting some relief

Schedule breaks throughout the day

Write things down (can help racing thoughts or things you're worried about forgetting)

Do a satisfying activity that doesn't require much thought (example: coloring pages, simple craft)

Spiritual Rest

Signs you may need spiritual rest

Feeling lack of purpose or belonging

Getting some relief

Get involved in local community

volunteer

pray or meditate

Emotional Rest

Signs you may need emotional rest

Feeling weighed down

Stifling/suppressing feelings

Strong need to please others

Getting some relief

Talk to someone who allows you to be your authentic self

Participating in a peer support group

Journaling

Sensory Rest

Signs you may need sensory rest

Feeling energized at the start of the day, but becoming more irritable as the day progresses

Getting distracted by noises other people seem to be able to tune out

Getting some relief

Use dimmable lighting or lamps

Regularly set notifications to do not disturb

Use power strips to easily turn off multiple appliances at once

Avoid running loud appliances during busy parts of the day (ex. if washing machine is loud, don't run it while you're trying to pack and get out the door on time)

Social Rest

Signs you may need social rest

Feeling drained, exhausted

Feeling like your only interactions are with people who want/need something from you

Getting some relief

Nurture life-affirming, meaningful relationships

Make time for socializing with friends who don't "need" anything from you, where you can just enjoy each other's company

If you know you will be interacting with someone you find draining, make a plan to engage in social rest after

Creative Rest

Signs you may need creative rest

Feeling "blah"

Struggling with problem solving or brainstorming

Getting some relief

Go out in nature

Spend time in inviting spaces

Listen to music

Watch a skilled performer

Display items you find visually appealing in both home and work spaces

#long post #I would like to share more of my notes on things but idk what a tag for that would be #rest

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deerspherestudios · 2 years ago

Note

Hi! I played your game and really, really like it, I am a huge fan of slow burn - combined with Yandere too? That's kinda rare nowadays, haha. Thanks for making it and creating Mychael, I love his design. Two questions: How many days are planned to be playable in the full release?

And

Since in just one day Mychael feels very friendly towards us (according to a post you made with where his feelings are based on a meter) does that mean he's very clingy??? Like, in just one day he feels like our friend. What little effort and words will it take for him to go from crush, to love, to whatever yandere thing he might be??? Like, is he okay??? Should I be worried???

This guy? Clingy? Nahhh. Nothing to worry about, anon :-) 🍄❤️

As for the game, long (!!!) answer below cut: might be spoiler-y might be not.

For context, here's the post mentioned above.

I'm still not sure how many days it will be, but it's definitely ranging between 4-5 days. Granted it'll be a while before the game is finished finished but I think progress will pick up as I complete assets that will be reused. I'm writing Days 2, 3 and 4 simultaneously (anyone who writes can probably relate to wanting a specific thing to happen in the story but dread writing up to it, so I skip around in order to keep my motivation and interest up)

As for relationship progression, slow burn usually means a long time passes before anything develops. But this is a VN and I'm a solo part-time dev so the scope still has to be small 😔 That said!

Mychael, as a person, is quite solitary in nature; he likes being alone and you'll find out why. He does however desire company and he's only realized just how pleasant having someone around can be (hence his reaction for the Bad Endings in Day 1 if you wish to leave/run away)

Although I'm not a fan of the 'you do one (1) nice thing any decent person would do and yandere is already head-over-heels for you' trope, I do have to make use of it but, drip-feed style? You grow closer to Mychael as you hang out with him and do little things that he appreciates. (Honestly I just realized I'm describing the typical visual novel experience just without the yandere beginning-- go! figure!!! /lh)

Example: the first thing that boosts you to immediate friend status is your willingness to accept his physical looks, something that's never happened to him before. (I know my artstyle makes him a yassified pretty boy but imagine genuinely meeting a sentient creature in real life with patchy green skin, a dextrous tail and four blinking pitch black eyes, I think I'd freak too haha) Little things like that mean a lot to him and motivates him to prolong your stay.

In a way, the MC is written to be more kinder and open-minded (at least outside of Bad Ends) than the sweet/sour personalities that come in a VN, so (for narrative AND coding purposes) I can't really diversify it much. I hope that's okay ¯\_(; v ; )_/¯ If Mychael met a more grouchy/mean MC on Day 1 he'd probably not be as attached. He'd just save you, feed you and send you home when you ask hahaha. Of course this will change as he gets to know you better, at that stage he'll be willing to overlook your flaws like any upstanding yandere

Phew this was a lot to dump in an ask but I did wanna explain my vision for the game! I enjoy yandere VNs as an escape fantasy, but it's common they start out with the yan already being invested in you or fall for you too fast!!! if that makes sense. I'm interested in yanderes in the aspect of how love (romantic or otherwise) starts from innocent affection and spirals into dark obsession!!! It's also compelling as to why a character is so devoted to someone, in this situation the MC, and I wanna write the kind of person Mychael would fall for. And personally 'love-at-first-sight' as a reason just doesn't do it for me 💔

(Disclaimer!!! I'm not saying my game is any more original or better than the other wonderful yan VNs in the works, but hopefully with Mychael as a character I can deliver that 'slow-burn-and-yearn' storyline I'd like it to be. As my itchio profile says: I make games I thirst for in secret but are sadly lacking around the internet 💔 )

Thank you for the ask!! :-D

#mushroom oasis vn #mychael ask #doodles #cheea chatter #q

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yuus-sentient-teddy · 8 months ago

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"You're Staying Here." Part 2

Part 1

((I started writing this in December 2023 and it's finally finished five months later ;w; Thank you to everyone who has shown interest in this story! I sincerely hope you enjoy part two!))

Tag list: @luminisciel

'Of course it can't be that easy to forgive,' he thought bitterly.

"I know you're changing. I've seen your progress and I'm happy you're becoming better, but. . ." Yuu's head lightly shook side to side, face apologetic.

"Sometimes, whenever someone looks down on me for not knowing basics in magic, I remember when you called me inadequate for not having 'proper' education and making it sound like my parents were lesser for being magicless. The way that person talks and looks at me are too similar to the way you talked and looked. It's like they're refusing to see me more than what I don't have."

"Even after we saved you from your Overblot, I kept thinking you still thought of me and my family that way until you told me that I was an honorary member of Heartslabyul and showed that you like hearing me talking about my family. I do like hanging out with you. It's just that your face and words are something I can't not remember no matter how hard I try."

It was like Riddle got punched again. He felt as though he lost his breath and footing; he couldn't form any words. He had caused so much distress to members of Heartslabyul dorm during his reign as dorm leader, and he worked hard to rectify it. The efforts extended to the Ramshackle Prefect, from offering to help them with their studies to inviting them and Grim to Unbirthday Parties. Though it was awkward in the beginning, Yuu never once was unkind to him. That was why he felt sick learning that his past self left such a terrible and strong impression.

"Azul."

He swallowed, having an inkling of what they were going to say.

"I came to this world with nothing," they said. "I have no one to support me if something happens. Ramshackle Dorm was my only shelter and you had the audacity to take it away. Do you know what that's like?"

Their voice rose. The apologetic feelings they had for Riddle was absent for Azul, instead being replaced by hurt and exasperation.

"The headmaster is probably the closest to parental support, but he wasn't going to hesitate to let Grim and I starve if I didn't fix something you caused and he could've easily fixed."

Someone murmured a dumbfounded 'what?' while Azul nervously adjusted his glasses. "Sure, he could be nicer and a hell lot more competent, but you at least could have been decent and used something else for collateral or--I don't know--let me still live there while I ran your stupid errand of stealing from a museum? Did that ever cross your mind or were you just thinking how great it was that someone who can't even fight back--someone who could also get into deep shit for not having an identity in this world--was doing your dirty work? You even sent Floyd and Jade to make sure I wouldn't win--and let me remind you that Ramshackle is literally one of the only things I have in this world!"

Azul felt his cheeks burn. On either side of him, the Leech twins were quiet. He didn't dare glance to see how everyone else was reacting, he had a feeling what their expressions were. He could even feel the burning stares if he let his mind linger too long.

He wasn't sure how he was going to respond. He was already caught off guard by what Yuu revealed earlier and feeling a little guilt for having a hand in their rough experience in Night Raven College. The thing was, Yuu had never expressed any discomfort being around him--although, he was starting to wonder something.

He noticed they made a certain face whenever he brought up anything related to his contracts: a half smile paired with squinting eyes; what seemed to be part amusement, part feeling of being tired but still wanting to hang around. Had he misread that as a friendly expression? Was it actually discomfort? Disgust?

But that seemed to be the only outstanding thing. They sometimes sought him out to get his opinion on something or have long, pleasant chats. He still remembers the encouraging words they gave back in the Atlantica Memorial Museum all those months ago. There was also that vulnerable moment when they asked how he managed to deal with bullies.

So what about what they just said? From how much anger was in their voice and the gathering tears in their eyes, he wondered if their anger towards him had been bubbling just underneath the entire time, making itself known whenever he was around. If that was the case, then did that mean their friendly interactions with him was just them trying to get over their anger?

Or were they forcing themself to like him despite the grudge, finding that his expertise and skill sets were worth tolerating him?

The thought made his chest ache. He really thought he and the Prefect of Ramshackle were. . . were something like friends.

Jamil felt cold when Yuu's eyes turned to him.

"Let me ask you something, Jamil. Did it ever hit you that I might have been at my limit by the time winter break came around? You of all people should know how debilitating exhaustion can be."

"I was looking forward to sitting in front of the fireplace, have some hot cocoa, and chat the night away with the Ramshackle ghosts and Grim. You know, get a break from the chaos of the school and have some time to get back my sanity."

"But then you dragged me into a coup--and if only it was as simple as that! Get put through a training camp from hell and forced to march in a scorching desert and get searing sunburns? Watch other people suffer the same things and be powerless to help? Get hypnotized and make a choice I didn't want to make and become a hostage in an unknown dorm? Sure, why not!" Yuu threw their arms into the air. "It's not like I wasn't having an awful enough time in this damn school!"

Jamil knew he would be next at some point. He didn't blame them for being angry at him, not after all they've been through, so when he saw movement in the corner of his eyes, he said, "Kalim, you don't have to say anything."

"But--"

"Just drop it. This shouldn't be a surprise anyway."

"Were you going to say how Jamil has been working to make up for his actions?" Yuu asked tersely. "Kalim, I know what he's been doing, but that doesn't mean I've forgiven him for the shit he pulled!"

"No, no, it's not that!" Kalim said. "It's just that you're usually an open person. I'm wondering why you didn't bring this up with any of them sooner or even to us."

"I can't imagine how hard the school year has been for you. Getting pulled away from your home suddenly, having to get used to a new world, and being bullied. You've been angry and hurt for a long time, and I'm so sorry you've been feeling that way."

"It's great that you made many friends along the way. Despite the shaky beginning, I've seen you smiling and having a great time while hanging out with us here! And I haven't heard of any major disagreements. That includes with Jamil, Azul, and Riddle."

"All of us are your friends, Yuu, and we want you to be all right. It should be okay to share whatever has been bothering you. The last thing anyone wants is for you to be super uncomfortable or burdened by feelings of hurt and sadness."

He wasn't accusing Yuu of anything. He just wanted to understand them, and it was crystal clear from the way he spoke. Now that they thought about it, perhaps that little bit of sadness in his eyes was because the situation was kind of similar to his and Jamil's: Jamil never told Kalim about what he was dealing with and his wounds festered until they became fuel for his Overblot. For Yuu, it wouldn't culminate into anything that serious, but Kalim would want to help all the same.

They could have cried again from the blatant concern for them.

Finding their voice, they said, "Whatever happened is in the past. I don't see the point in bringing up things we want to move on from. I could either cling onto anger and have high blood pressure every time I see certain people, or I could let bygones be bygones and let you all learn and grow from your mistakes."

Then it hit them and they looked down guiltily. "Except I went against what I said just now and talked about stuff from the past."

"That's because you're still hurting. It's not good for you to continue like that and who knows what it might do to you if you don't talk about it," Kalim said.

"You also can't force yourself to be okay," Ace added. They didn't say anything.

"Yuu, if I may ask," Azul said, "have you been pretending to like being around us?"

They blinked, a little surprised. Their head shook a little, side to side. "No. Where did you. . ."

They shut their eyes and sighed deeply. Then, haltingly, they admitted, "Sometimes I just don't want to be in the same room as any of you."

Riddle felt his heart break a little and Azul inhaled sharply through his nose, like a gasp. Jamil's shoulders sagged and he looked down. And the rest wondered if Yuu had felt the same with them.

For some, it was kind of understandable: there would only be so many interactions before you want to be with someone else (but they will say it stung that Yuu felt so repulsed that they wanted to get away from them). For others, they either didn't want to entertain the thought or had entertained the thought and felt their soul get brutally crushed.

"But here's the thing." Yuu spoke louder. "All of us are dumb and stupid and young, and sometimes selfish as hell. But overall, you guys aren't that bad and I do like hanging out with you all. I really do. I just wish the terrible things that happened didn't happen." Then, to themself, "And I didn't have to bear with it."

"What about the Overblots? Did they also affect you?" Jamil asked.

"Yes, but you all weren't in the right state of mind when they happened and I don't think it's fair to fault you guys for whatever you did while in that state. That goes for the rest of you, too."

Yuu rubbed the back of their neck, looking down. "But if I'm being completely honest, I've had night terrors that sometimes woke Grim and I up from me screaming."

"Ah--" they waved their hands frantically--"you don't need to worry, though! I already talked to the counselor about them. Heh, you should've seen his face when I came in telling him about the seventh Overblot and the dreams from it. He was actually ready to give the headmaster a piece of his mind. 'You shouldn't have to go through things like that!' he said. Come to think of it, that was pretty unprofessional, so kudos to me, I guess."

"Yuu, that's. . ." Epel trailed off, a little concerned.

"I know. It's terrible. At least I got some good techniques for managing nightmares."

They slowly sighed. "I think that's all from me, although I really should apologize for airing out dirty laundry at a time like this. If no one has anything to say to me, we can go back to talking about saving Grim."

"Actually, there's something I want to say."

All eyes went to Jamil. "I've been meaning to tell you this after my Overblot, but I was waiting for the right moment to do it properly. Considering what we're about to face, this might be that moment, even if it isn't as formal as I want it to be. Yuu, I'm sorry for forcing you into a highly stressful situation when you needed to rest, and for the way I got you involved. You didn't deserve to go through the ordeal, especially when an Overblot occurred."

He bowed deeply. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but just know that I'm sorry for what I did."

"I'm sorry as well," Azul said. "For being insensitive to your housing situation and the vulnerabilities and difficulties of being someone outside of this world. It wasn't truly fair to you, someone who had to deal with power imbalances and the cruelties of those with power." He took off his hat and held it over his chest as he bowed.

"I'm also sorry, Yuu," Riddle said. "I'm deeply ashamed by my actions at the beginning of the school year and I'm sorry that it still hurts so much. I hope that one day that pain no longer torments you and no one ever looks at you like you have nothing to offer."

When he straightened himself up a moment later, Yuu looked like they were on the verge of crying.

"Are you okay?!" he asked, panicked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." A stray tear fell and Yuu wiped their eyes, then they smiled at each of them.

"Thank you, all of you," they said. There seemed to be a shift in their demeanor: somehow, they seemed brighter and their shoulders seemed less stiff, like a cumbersome burden had been lifted.

This look suits them better, the boys thought.

Finally, after a little more back and forth, Yuu was allowed to go with the group to save Grim--on the condition that they stayed far, far away. That was fine with them; they just needed to see for themself that everything would work out.

"Yuu."

They were trailing behind the group, looking through their bag. Apparently, Leona had been trailing behind the group too. "Yeah?"

". . . I'm sorry." They blinked, surprised.

"About wha--" The botanical garden and in Savanaclaw Dorm during the investigation of the mysterious injuries. "Is it for the first time we met and when you beat up my friends? I'm going to be honest, I almost forgot about them with everything happening."

"So I didn't need to say it?" He wasn't angry.

"No, no. I actually do appreciate it. It was pretty terrifying, when you said you were going to take my tooth, when I literally woke up in another world without knowing what the heck was happening. Not to mention, being at risk of another beat down when I was already dealing with threats and assholes."

"Yeah, yeah, you needed some mercy, which not a lot of people at school can give," he said.

"Yeah, but at least there are people in this school who know when to own up to something and apologize for it. So, thank you."

He met Yuu's smile with a smirk. "Sure, just don't mention it to the others."

They scoffed, smile still present. "Let me guess, to keep up the merciless princely front, right?"

They had just started walking when Leona called for them again.

"Hey. Earlier, when you said you thought we all didn't think you were worthy enough to stand beside us and had been tolerating you the entire time--don't ever assume that again."

Yuu was taken aback by his hard, pointed glare. "You're in a different position compared to your first day here, and everyone can see it. Even if they can't, it doesn't mean that you're not deserving of your place. If you need me to spell it out for you, here: you're worth all the effort you made to get to where you are now. Don't ever let anyone--even the people you idolize--make you forget that or make you lose your progress."

Their mouth had fallen open. "I. . ."

"Come on, I can see your friends worrying about you."

"Uh--" Leona had started walking and Yuu quickly matched his steps. "Thank you," they said.

He hummed in acknowledgment.

Yuu was alone on the battlefield.

No no no! How did that happen?! Yuu was hidden behind a column, last he saw. . . before getting hit with a spell that made him lose his breath.

Damn it!

"Prefect!" he cried. "Get out of there!"

Other yells joined his, but Yuu didn't glance at any of them. Not too far was Grim, shaking off the effects of a spell. His glowing blue eyes narrowed as they locked onto Yuu and a growl rumbled out of his maw. The Ramshackle Prefect met his gaze evenly and their shoulders were relaxed, like they knew he wouldn't actually hurt them.

Grim let out a dual-toned bark. They didn't flinch.

He lowered himself to the ground. . . and leaped.

"Yuu!"

"Prefect!"

Yuu felt warm air huffing onto their face. They slowly opened their eyes and found themself face to nose with Grim's snout. They looked at his eyes and found no traces of anger, which had been present throughout the fight with the NRC mages. That was when they realized he was whining like a sad dog.

"Grim?" they softly said.

"I'm sorry." There were two voices speaking simultaneously. The louder one was low and dark; the quieter one was much higher and a little nasally, exactly like Grim's normal voice. "I didn't want you to go and I broke the Dark Mirror. Now you'll never see your family again."

Yuu felt tears welling up in their eyes. The despair upon seeing the shattered frame and glass shards pulsed in their chest.

"I knew how much you wanted to go home, but I. . . I couldn't stop myself from blowing up. I wanted you to be next to me when I become a great mage. I didn't want to be alone again. But I ruined everything, and I'm so sorry."

Yuu gently touched his snout. "I know, and I know you didn't mean to ruin anything. But at least everyone is still alive. And while another way is being searched, at least you'll be able to keep me company in Ramshackle Dorm."

Big drops of tears slipped down Grim's face and created dark trails on his fur. His sobs echoed in the space around them.

He began to shrink. The chimeric parts of him--the hands, the snake-shaped tail, the wings--morphed and disappeared. The flaming mane extinguished. Very soon, Yuu was able to wrap their arms around him and he could burying his face into their shirt and cling onto them.

Their friends and upperclassmen gathered around.

"Thank goodness it's over," Ace said, sighing.

"I'm glad everything worked out in the end," Kalim said cheerily.

"Not quite. Grim still needs to face the headmaster and S.T.Y.X. for what he's done," Jamil said.

"He's going to need someone to be by his side when they happen," Yuu said, petting Grim's head. "I'm staying here for a while, so it'll be just like usual."

#thank you again for waiting!#I wanted to make sure the flow was good and everything made some sense #I also especially wanted to have Kalim shine; he's a good big brother!#dang did anyone see that ending I sure didn't XD #twst angst and comfort #yuu/mc (twisted wonderland)#riddle rosehearts #azul ashengrotto #jamil viper #kalim al asim #leona kingscholar #grim (twisted wonderland)#twisted wonderland #🧸🖊writing

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hellsite-detective · 10 months ago

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HIII OMG HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?? HOWS LIFE?

OH THIS REMINDS ME I NEED TO DO A LIFE UPDATE POST

so i guess i’ll do that here hehe

hello all! this is Hellsite Detective, P.P.I. coming back to give everyone a proper update on everything!!

now, i sorta started this hiatus kinda suddenly, and i still don’t know when i’ll be back (so sorry for that btw i feel baaad), but things have been… interesting to say the least! my job has been going okay, but it’s really stressful and it hasn’t been ideal for my mental health. but im pushing through it! i need the money so i can finally move out of my parents house!

and on the topic of mental health… my therapy has been going great!!! there’s still a long way to go, but at the very least our experiences were validated by a licensed professional!!! i won’t get into the details here, but if you’re curious feel free to ask about it! i don’t mind talking about it, especially now that it’s official hehe

but besides that, i’ve just been relaxing! i’ve collected more yuri manga! i need to get to actually reading it now tho oops. i’ve also gotten back into Stardew Valley!! i’ve been having a blast discovering all the new things from 1.6 as well as hanging out with my pixel girlfriend Penny! additionally, i’ve made great progress on my novel series, as well as beginning to develop a WataOshi AU, so overall my writing has been going wonderfully too!!!

i think overall life has been good!! i have my dear @hellsite-hall-of-fame to thank for keeping me sane and happy (i love you sweetie~!) and i think everything is gonna be okay! again, im still not sure when ill be back, but i will be one day!! i’ve been seeing all of your requests, and sometimes i see one that just gets me itching to get back into it. so i’m sure one day ill be back! i promise!

until then, feel free to ask me about life, or about my interests, or just to check in and say hi! i haven’t expressed this sentiment yet i don’t think, but i absolutely love discussing non-post case related things on here! everyone on here is genuinely so wonderful!! so please feel free to send in any ask you want!!! i would love to talk to everyone more about stuff, and this hiatus is a great opportunity to do that!!

but that’s all for now! thank you for sticking with me, thank you for being so patient, and you all have a great day!

signed,

- Hellsite Detective, P.P.I.

#also hello miallurk i hope you’ve been well!!!!#also i forgot to tag this post omg i’m doing that not #ask #hellsite detective #not a post case #the detective responds

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sabrinahawthorne · 15 days ago

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What's Happening in 2025

I think it's time for an update, and a tentative schedule for the coming year - so let's do that.

Games

Development on CLASH! really slowed down in the latter half of 2024, and while the reasons for that are by and large out of my direct control, I still feel a little bad for not speaking about it for so long.

I am still working on CLASH! - promise. The state of the game is that I'm working around a design challenge (regarding Techniques and how they relate to Fighter customization) by dissecting the game to a more bare-bones version and playtesting the parts that need tweaking until I can iron out those wrinkles. Once I've made some progress with that issue, I'm going to start fitting more pieces back onto the system, playtesting as I go, and putting out further playtest materials.

I don't think I'm going to finish CLASH! in 2025. Looking back, I definitely bit off more than I could chew in trying to complete it in 2024. A project of even this relatively small scope is orders of magnitude more complex than something like Broke Wizards. So in 2025, I'm going to pace myself with it. It's still going to be my focus, so don't worry, especially if you contributed to its crowdfunding campaign. 2025 will have goodies for you, even if the game itself probably won't be done. But I'm going to give the book the time and care it deserves.

But it isn't going to be the only thing I plan on making this year! I've got a handful of lighter things I want to put out. For one, I really want to release supplements for Broke Wizards. Adventure modules, mainly, but I've also got and idea for a magical items supplement with some new rules for crafting and the like.

This year will probably see a new Yon release as well! It's going to look pretty different from A Tyrant's Throne, and it's an exciting prospect.

Keep an eye out through the year. You'll like what I've got coming.

Public Appearances

That's such a bizarre thing to be posting about. Anyway.

The only certain event I'll be at is an episode of the Dovecote with @darlingdemoneclipse! I had a blast my first time, and it made my day when Eclipse offered me another go. I'll be on the show on the 27th of January, and I hope you'll join us.

A less certain prospect is a possible appearance on @tinytablepodcast. As of this posting, Broke Wizards has made it to the second round of voting as a submission for the show! If it wins, then the wonderful folks there will do me the amazing honor of playing my game. You should join their Patreon and vote to get my game a place on the show. And to support the show, of course. They make good stuff. If they end up playing it, then I'll make an appearance for a post-mortem Q&A!

I'm very excited about the possibility, but you should listen to the Tiny Table podcast regardless.

Other Stuff

The bad news is that I'm going to be focusing a little less on writing in 2025. Not ignoring it completely - hopefully the Games section of this update is proof of that - but a little.

The good news is that I'm doing some teaching this year! I won't go into too much detail right now, but the gist is that in 2024, I was given the opportunity to teach game design to beginner designers, and I'm going to take the gig. It's nothing prestige, mind. This is a recurring job at a local arts center, and I'm by no means an expert in this field (at least compared to some peers of mine). But I do have experience as a self-taught designer, and I'm honored and delighted to have the opportunity to give new designers a jumping-off point.

Relatedly, I'm going to be spending a lot of time this year introducing new players to RPGs. This, too, is also going to be a thing local to where I live, so if you follow me you probably won't hear a lot about it. But I'm excited about it, so I'm talking about it.

A Personal Note

You no doubt know this already, given how I have been - and will be - posting about it, but I'm having surgery this summer! It's nothing serious, and it's obviously not urgent. But it's something I've needed done for a while, and it'll be the end of several long-standing issues for me.

What you also certainly know by now is that I'm holding a sale to raise funds for that surgery for the next six months. All my games are included in it, and anything I release before it's over will be added to it. I'm also pushing my ko-fi during that time.

Needless to say, I probably won't be doing much from July to September this year. Not nothing, but not a lot, either.

Thank you all for the support you've shown me this year. It doesn't go unnoticed. Happy new year.

#indie ttrpg #ttrpg #updates & info #itch sale

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apollokids · 2 years ago

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Thoughts about tsats, trauma, and the cocoa puffs

Nico’s personality in tsats feels most reminiscent of what he was like in The Titans Curse which (imo) is a sign that he is slowly healing and living with his trauma.

The Sun and the Star emphasizes that trauma and PTSD can make it feel like one’s past life events happened to a completely different person, and it mentions that Nico relates to this feeling. This distancing of oneself from past memories, experiences, and personality can result in feeling disconnected for a while, taking on new personality traits, feeling like a chameleon mimicking others, or just feeling empty.

For some people (maybe, depending on when trauma occurs), healing can be about reconnecting with our childhood selves. Depending on what someone was like before trauma, like maybe Nico for example, that can mean becoming more emotional, being more playful, indulging in your childhood interests (eg. mythomagic cards). And Nico’s progression practically mirrored mine exactly through the years, and the ways I changed in ED treatment.

It's hard to let go of a disorder when in some cases it feels like the only thing that’s stayed stable in our lives. Suffering is touted as the pinnacle of art-- we see its romanticization everywhere. It sounds weird to say that I miss being sick, or I miss my suffering, when I'm actively trying to make my life better, but those thoughts do come up. And when it comes to characters I project that misery on to? Well, if I’m suffering, then they have to suffer with me! (After all, they’re just characters, it’s not that deep, right?) Except I found that the more I made my characters suffer, and focused on the ‘beauty’ of suffering, the harder it was for me to heal from my own. Whenever my health was in decline, I characterized my favorite characters the same way. It was just as hard to allow those characters to heal as it was to allow myself to heal. (Other people might not feel the same, though.)

I think Nico choosing to accept the physical manifestations of his demons (while also setting them free, and allowing them to exist as they please) mirrors the suggestion I was given in treatment when I struggled with the idea of ‘giving up’ my eating disorder– because to me, it was always either defeat the disorder or be consumed by it, and defeating it sounded like killing a part of me or erasing a part of my past or my home. Approaching treatment from the standpoint of killing my eating disorder scared me too much. I knew my disorder had caused problems for me, but many of the habits and behaviors I’d developed had served as my coping mechanism and they helped me survive.

So, my therapist told me: “You don’t have to shun your disorder, kill it, or say goodbye. Instead, you can acknowledge that it served a purpose during a point in your life in which you used it to survive, but you no longer need to hold on to it and that’s okay — you’re setting it free. Maybe even instead of saying goodbye, you can say ‘thank you, I’m alright now.’”

And that’s pretty much… exactly what Nico did with the demons. Bob, too, acknowledged that he was a titan, and that was part of his past, and that’s okay — but he’s allowed to change. And Nico is too.

I just found that really really wonderful because I related to it so heavily. He didn’t want to conquer his trauma in battle. He wanted it to just… be acknowledged, and set free. And it followed him, but he can have a better relationship with his past now. He’s not consumed by it. It’s just there, it’s a part of him, and he can continue to live his life. And I think reading this book (while trying to maintain and navigate post-treatment life) was exactly what I needed to remind myself why I’m doing this.

#sentences bolded purely because it helps my eyes follow things better hope it helps others + is not obnoxious i dont usually make posts #tsats #tsats spoilers #the sun and the star #solangelo #nico di angelo #pjo #ed recovery #and yeah. with the writing at times i was like ahhh im too in-college for this book arent i #but at the same time it made me remember what it felt like to read these books when i was a kid #and im reading about this character ive loved since i was in 2nd or 3rd grade and it feels like ive grown up with him #and it feels like we went through our trauma together. i read house of hades the year my dad died. and now its like we're getting through it #idkgkdhjhf #that being said: i kind of wish the cocoa puffs came about in a different way!!#it kind of felt like SA and that wasn’t addressed

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thalassarche · 1 year ago

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Hey y’all experiencing these heat waves or going places that are way hotter than you’re used to: Check your meds to find out whether anything you’re taking can cause heat sensitivity! This includes: heat intolerance (getting overheated very easily), increased sweat production OR impaired sweat production, increased OR reduced thirst, lethargy, reduced alertness, and increased risk of fainting

A lot of very commonly taken medications can cause heat sensitivity, and a lot of people don’t find out about it until they’re wondering why they’re sweating buckets or feeling exhausted after a short time in the heat. Additionally, some common OTC meds like cold and allergy meds, antibiotics, and NSAIDs can cause photosensitivity, which makes you far more prone to burning in the sun.

[Alt text: Meds That May Cause Heat Sensitivity: Mental Health meds (Prozac, Zoloft, Xanax, Klonopin, Cymbalta, Effexor, Elavil, etc) - ADD/ADHD Stimulants (Adderall, Dexedrine, Vyvanse, etc) - Diphenhydramine (Benadryl, ZZZquil) - Blood Pressure (beta blockers, diuretics). This is not an exhaustive list! Please check your own medications, including OTC, for heat-related side effects! Keep hydrated, limit heat exposure, and be safe!] I have to emphasize that the above list is not exhaustive, it presents a handful of examples in a few common categories. Research the meds that you take, especially if they’re similar to any that are listed! If you do take meds that can cause heat sensitivity, be aware that you may have a much harder time handling the heat, and that time spent exposed to high heat puts you at higher risk of developing heat-related illnesses such as heat exhaustion and heat stroke. The warning signs of heat exhaustion include headache, racing pulse, heavy breathing, fatigue, nausea, muscle cramps, and light-headedness. If you start to experience these symptoms, get to a cool environment, remove any layers of clothing you can, place cool damp cloths on yourself, take frequent but small sips of water, and monitor your symptoms. If they don’t go away in an hour or they worsen, or you start vomiting, seek medical attention, because they could progress to heat stroke, and that is a life-threatening medical emergency. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I’m just someone who’s taken many of these meds, some for over a decade, and it wasn’t until I moved to Arizona that a medical professional ever talked to me very specifically about these potential side-effects in a way that made me actually realize I’d been experiencing this. My prescriber is working with me to find some different meds that addresses my needs without making me miserable with side-effects, so if you’re in a similar place, ask what other options there might be for you. Above all, be safe in the heat! Stay hydrated, you need more water than you think, and it’s far better to take frequent small drink!

#heat sensitivity #heat intolerance #medications #idk what to usefully tag this with I just made a post on twitter specifically for folks going to FFXIV FanFest in Las Vegas next week #and I stole my own content to put it here too

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tributary · 1 year ago

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I think what you've been saying on Minhaj has been really interesting: something that came to mind as I read the New Yorker piece was another article I'd read a couple years ago - "The Limits of the Lunchbox Moment" by Jaya Saxena.

Obviously someone doxxing a previous partner and re-examining childhood cafeteria memories are not the same, but both (imo) deal with the pressure for individual members of a minority group to reinforce a narrative about their oppression. Like when a broad swath of life stories get boiled down to a few popular experiences, to shirk those experiences can be to deny the total oppression you've faced in your own life.

Also to be clear I think this isn't something most people consciously do, and something that probably rings true for marginalized groups outside of USA racial minorities!

(re: this and this)

this is a great article to bring in conversation with the hasan minhaj discourse. you’re absolutely right; there’s pressure to fit a narrative so that your experiences can be seen at all.

from the article:

The expectation that being brown or an immigrant in America inherently meant suffering and shame was frustrating to both Ren and Subramanian. “[It was alienating] as a kid because I just thought that’s how I was supposed to be and feel, because activists [and] progressives were positioned as good and insightful, and if I didn’t agree, it meant I was a bad and clueless person about my own experiences,” said Ren.

Others confronted feelings of shame about their family’s food derived from media and culture, even if they found support (or indifference) among their peers. Food writer Karon Liu, whose parents moved to Toronto from Hong Kong when he was a baby, said he can’t remember anyone getting teased for their lunch in his school full of Chinese and other immigrant kids. But it didn’t take bullying to make him feel ashamed of Chinese cuisine anyway. “So much of my feelings toward food were shaped by television and pop culture,” he said. The movies and TV shows he watched positioned Chinese food as “weird,” full of “gross” ingredients and prone to making people sick. He began throwing out the lunches his parents packed him, even though many of the kids at school ate the same things, and asked them to cook him more Western food. But he still enjoyed himself at Chinese restaurants. Even with the discomfort, his relationship with Chinese food wasn’t black and white.

Stories about white people finding unfamiliar food off-putting, like the scene in A Christmas Story where the family is shocked and disgusted at the head on a Peking duck, and immigrants feeling shame about their food resonated with Liu as a child, but he thinks they may have limited his understanding of the breadth of the immigrant experience. During an interview, he recalls asking Elaine Lui, of Lainey Gossip, if she felt ashamed of Chinese food growing up. “I was expecting the answer where it’s like, ‘Oh, yeah, I was made fun of all the time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.’ And then Lainey was like, ‘No, I never resented Chinese food — it’s delicious and my family made me proud of it, so no.’” Shocked, Liu realized that while his feelings of shame were very real, they were also enforced by cultural narratives implying that mortification and bullying are the only experiences an immigrant can have. “Now I’m kind of wondering if I rebuilt my childhood memories in order to fit that narrative.”

it’s a flattening of The Experience into shame and suffering. it’s not the same thing, but i’ve spoken about this in the context of being a woman without some of what are assumed to be Universal Female Experiences—it makes you feel that you are not real, that you do not matter. the incentive is to reshape your memories to fit the popular narrative so that you can belong.

if you want a seat at the table, you learn that you have to bring something for others to consume. that is the lesson of the lunchbox moment, packaged for readers hungry for accounts of alienation and suffering.

#i am a minority but not brown or an immigrant so it’s different enough that i can’t speak to that exactly #but yeah #i grew up in an area with a large jewish and asian population and i would absolutely be misrepresenting myself if i pretended i came from #WASP land like minhaj did with davis california

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 8 months ago

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Day 2 of falling back in love with my book

Question of the day: Should I restructure?

If you missed part one, my book had been rejected by everyone I submitted it to and I had to take a break from writing it for a while because it was a very draining process but via writing in a pressure-free environment (mostly tumblr and ao3) I feel that I've improved my writing greatly and I want to edit, hone, and rework my book until it's the best version of itself it can be and is ready to be shared with the world.

So, on restructuring: I'm starting to think that the outline of my book needs to be completely redone, keeping the flesh of most scenes but in different orders or in a new format, so I'm experimenting with possible new/slightly twisted versions of the premise that practically feel like au's and is very interesting to think about. Today I'm planning on watching some videos about writing openers and considering what about my current opener I do and don't like, hoping that it will lead me down a bit of a rabbit hole to either rework the opener I have with the current version of the premise or write some different options for twisted versions of the current premise and decide which one I want to be taking onwards.

I'm having a teensy dilemma over POV because the entire book is written in first person but all of my other creative writing projects (meaning fics and other original works in progress) are in third person and I've gotten a lot more comfortable writing that way than I have in first; it's making me wonder I should rewrite the entire (99k word) story in third person instead and even though I know I need to do a lot of rewriting anyway that is a daunting prospect. I don't think that I should, particularly because it's a retrospective narrative and as I've written it currently is the transcription of voice recordings made by the main character, but there's a little voice in my head saying 'ohhhh wouldn't it be so much better that way though?'. But I think I'm going to stick with the first person, unless when I start getting into it I realise that it's definitely not the right way for this story to be told.

Feel free to ask any writing related question you'd like to, including any industry ones I can do my best to answer them or direct you to good sources :)

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sabrondabrainrot · 3 months ago

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Updates people, UPDATES!

Current progress on TSAMS, LAES, EAPS, and MASM Rambles and spoilers ahead! Click if you dare!

I've had a lot of rambly feelings on the last few eps and need to get my thoughts out into the universe.

For TSAMS: "Sun wants to throw a HALLOWEEN party! in VRChat"

WAAAGH I hope Nexus shows up at the party and is all like "Sorry my invite was lost in the mail" or something like that. EHEHEHE

So far I've been really digging the more slice of life-esque eps? I think it's cute to see what everyone is up to day-to-day. Davis makes an incredibly convincing sick sounding person btw.

Moon and Nexus meeting up again to hash it out was funny, it just felt like Moon was like "The kettle calling the pot black" in a sense? I like that he's acknowledging his mistakes and IS making work to move past it but sometimes it's hard to watch because he rebounds a lot.

He repeats mistakes a lot and he makes it about himself a lot? I know he's growing but those kind of eps do tend to waffle around in my opinion.

I really liked the Nexus vs Taurus confrontation ep. It was just really interesting. From the information provided to us as viewers Taurus is supposed to be one of the strongest Astrals and has a history of planet breaking (due to the NSP infection) but Nexus who's just been experimenting with NSP was able to harm Taurus and even escape him semi easily.

Nexus' voice even dropped, was that like NSP puberty? JK JK unless...?

Just random speculation, so like we know Sun's magic teacher came from a planet that blew up or was destroyed and now I'm wondering if it was an Astral situation? I hope Teacher Atlas doesn't turn out to be some kind of mastermind training Sun in magic that can be used to harm Astrals.

Also, Dark Sun asked Ruin "how long" and Ruin randomly picked "7 days" or a week or something like that...and I'm so curious has that happened in lore yet? Was that 7 days supposed to relate to when Dark Sun finally spoke 1-on-1 with Sun? Are we still waiting out that? I'm also extremely excited and interested in the entity that entered Sun's mind. We haven't heard hair nor hide of it but I feel like it's still there? Sun's been acting odd in the eps. Does anyone else notice a shift with him?

Also Freddy showing up to ask Sun about advice on how to managed Francine and Francine mentioning she sees Sun's magic is amazing! His magic color is now hues of yellow?!?! It's cool to know Sun radiates all different kinds of energies now.

For LAES: "Rez's Beast ATTACKS LUNAR!!! in VRChat"

OMGEEE

I love this!!! I like the entire lead up to Lunar being like almost an action hero?!? It's cool he's really coming into his role as like...the chosen one. IDK it's a trope that's fun. Lunar has a big destiny and it's cool to see it's starting to unfold more.

Lunar has been getting an essentially unique and completely unprecedented education from other Astrals. They state over and over his entire situation and existence is way too unique.

I think it's so cool how Taurus gave Lunar an ultimatum, what wasn't cool was using Earth as bait to get him to use his powers more lethally.

Taurus hit Lunar with such a good line "If I had brought anyone else, they'd be dead." It's a FAIR assessment. Lunar's biggest struggle is being selfish imo. He has to learn to see past himself. He's getting much better at it! Taurus just wanted to remind Lunar of that.

It's a very action sensei/teacher trope tbh.

Lunar having to deal with Dazzle's old creepy body is insane. The gurgling sounds are so unsettling and just create a crazy set up.

It's interesting to learn how NSP is point to SP but Taurus was able to make Nexus feel sick with his SP before Nexus anger evolved and his NSP made Taurus sick.

Lunar being injured and everyone showing up to pamper him was great. I feel like them hiding the fact Evelyn's old body is now not only reanimated but also on the loose causing violence and killing people is a bad idea and will bite them in the butts later.

I have a theory the body will approach Evelyn/Dazzle without the others know.

Oh I also saw the next ep where Sun takes the kids shopping. Adored that. when Sun spends time with the kids It's so wonderful. The Halloween shopping episode was hilarious. I think it's so funny how Jack also spends a lot of time with Sun despite being more violent towards him then he should be.

I'm also excited for Earth to get more involved! Let's see her kick some ass!

For EAPS: "Eclipse and Puppet GET EXPOSED! in VRChat"

This entire lead up so far has been great. I like the murder mystery even though it was really obvious. Bringing the dynamic of the detective was a nice surprise. I like that he just figured everything out! The eaps dimension hoppers aren't very good at hiding stuff after all.

At this point everyone in the plex knows they're from another dimension.

I also would like to add I feel horribly for Sun and Moon in EAPS because it feels like they just can't win. First, Eclipse is so unreasonably with Sun and then he set up a situation that would make Puppet uncomfortable. He set up Sun to get yelled at by Puppet and Sun + Moon, they were both sharing at the time, both got berated by Puppet over something so inconsequential.

Sun was rambling about stuff like werewolves and sparkles and it's clear anything would have made him leave or just being like "I'm not magic Eclipse lied" but no, instead we got Puppet blowing up on them and cornering them. We also get no apology.

I don't have much speculation on them. I just kind of look and turn my brain off. I hope Monty (does EAP Monty have a particular nickname?) and Ballora date they seem like they'd make a good couple. I like their mean girl dynamic.

Sometimes EAPS feels like this cheesy soap box of a drama because everyone acts like they're in a telenovella. It's this train wreck I can't look away from. XD

For MASM: "We LOST Gregory in MINECRAFT!"

Not much to add here, I think it's different that Sun in a prior ep got his intelligence souped up and turned into a world needs to be remade villain. I'm also interested over how Moon just randomly turned killer in an ep too.

I like that Moon was genuinely worried about missing Gregory. MASM just has interesting vibes. They also seemed to be kidnapped in a color puzzle ep?

I don't have anything to add other then I like the zany antics it's a great breath of fresh air from the heavy plot stuff with the other main shows. Sun feels like a feral gremlin child but I love him all the more for that.

That is all for the current brainrot report!

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