#Two feet more or less
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Two Feet, More or Less
A bit of Malec Smut feat. poorly planned pranks with shrinking potions.
Rated M for obvious reasons. Includes a brief touch of dysphoria/body discomfort.
When Jace asked about the shrinking potion, amidst a hundred questions about the contents of his apothecary, Magnus hadn’t given it much thought. He’d only stressed the importance of ensuring one also had growth potion on hand, just in case. The ensuing conversation about the dangers of growing one specific part of the body didn’t bear repeating anyhow.
When he noticed the innocent little bottle of gray liquid was a little emptier than he remembered, he sighed and made a note to double-check Sherman’s well being. He never thought that Jace would use it on his own parabatai.
Alexander, notably supposed to be in a meeting, threw open the apothecary door with a murderous expression. Magnus, not a man often cowed and never on the receiving end of his darlings full temper, started.
“Alexan-”
“No. Don’t- don’t you-” but Magnus could see that his anger was already fading and it made his heart clench. Alec never could stay mad when they were in the same room, not unless it was serious. It was an affliction they both shared.
It occurred to him, watching as Alec’s angry expression smoothed into simple exasperation that the face he so loved was at least two feet lower than it should’ve been. Oh. Jace.
“Darling, you’re a little,” Magnus was trying not to smile, especially as Alexander stalked over to him and it became clearer, but he failed, “well, little.”
“I’m going to kill Jace.”
Magnus was a strong man but he couldn’t let that one go, “Well, when you can reach him again.”
Alexander’s glare had not dulled, if anything the new angle made it appear sharper.
“I’m sorry, Alexander, but you have to admit it’s a little funny.”
“Magnus. Clary is taller than me right now. Clary. ”
Magnus grinned, “I’m sure she enjoyed that.”
“Yes, everyone took pictures. I feel ridiculous and so out of sorts it’s not…” Alec bit his lip and some of the humor went out of things as Magnus watched him shift uncomfortably before stepping with far more care than normal to get closer.
“By everyone?”
Alec cleared his throat, “Alright, not everyone. Jace didn’t want to actually hurt me or my-don’t you dare- my standing. No one important saw me. Just family, and Simon. And Underhill but he honestly just looked frightened.”
Magnus laughed, concern easing a bit, “He probably thought it was a sex thing gone wrong or something and is worried what Lorenzo’s going to ask from him.” He gave Alec a gentle look, noting the distance that remained between them, “Are you alright?”
Alec looked down, and like this Magnus truly couldn’t see enough of his expression to know what he was thinking. He raised his hand, ready to snap the growth potion up and draft a very pointed speech for Jace about boundaries, when Alexander spoke.
“I’m alright. I don’t think I’d like most people seeing me like this and I wouldn’t have chosen it myself but,” Alec took a deep breath and closed the steps between them before looking up, “there is one benefit I didn’t think of.”
Magnus’ breath caught as he looked down at his husband. Like this Alec would fold into his arms in a way his taller self didn’t, like this he could surround him completely if he wanted. He loved Alexander as he was and he didn’t think he’d like Alec to be so much shorter for long, but right now?
He opened his arms and Alec stepped into his hold, hands tightening in the fabric of Magnus’ linen shirt just under his shoulder blades. Magnus melted a little, feeling how Alec pressed his cheek against his heartbeat and relaxed.
“How long until it wears off on it’s own?”
Magnus hummed and curved his arm to card through Alexander’s hair, “Given how much Jace used, not more than a couple hours.”
Alec’s shoulders tightened and Magnus started to pull away but his husband’s grip tightened, “Can we, uh, can we just go to bed early?”
“You don’t want the growth potion?” Magnus checked, leaning away enough to see more of Alec’s expression. He looked a little embarrassed but certain as he shook his head.
“Alright. Then allow me.”
Magnus moved quickly and scooped Alexander into his arms. He’d carried him before, short distances or when he was injured, but this was different. Alec was solid but he was lighter, smaller and Magnus didn’t need as much aid, both from Alexander himself and his magic. By the hitch of Alec’s breath and the way his husband curled into him, those differences didn’t go amiss.
He didn’t say anything about it but they had barely made it into the living room before Alec was leaning up to press open-mouthed kisses against his collarbone, tugging the loose neckline of his shirt out of the way. Magnus shivered, prepared to continue to the bedroom until Alec laved his tongue over Magnus’ pulse point, using Magnus’ shoulders to pull himself close.
He groaned and moved them so Alec was pressed tightly against one of the pillars, his legs wrapped around Magnus’ hips. It was a position they’d been in before, but with several key differences. For one, Alec didn’t have to duck awkwardly to kiss him or bite at his throat and his heels brushed new places on Magnus’ body. The thing that took the low heat in Magnus’ blood and burst it into an inferno though, was how Magnus’ body blanketed Alexander’s fully. The potion had reduced all of his proportions and he fit snugly between the wall and Magnus.
“Alexander.” Magnus breathed, tilting his head as his husband worried marks over his throat. His fingers flexed against Alec’s hips and he adjusted them so the angle gave them both more friction. Alec made a strangled noise and thrust against him with a loud groan.
“You’re...fuck.” Alec mumbled, biting at his collarbone again, “You’re so big.”
And oh, but didn’t that twist into something hungry and alive in Magnus’ stomach.
“Do you want more?”
“Please. Like this Magnus, just like this.”
Magnus was happy to oblige, snapping away most of their clothes to rut against his husband, letting his cock drag against Alec’s thighs, his cock. Alec was panting into the searing kisses Magnus dropped against his lips, sucking at his tongue and moaning as Magnus used his hold to move Alec’s hips.
Magnus couldn’t force himself to let go of Alec, especially after he snapped away their underwear and could see the way his fingers fit into the curve of his hips. He was mesmerized by the way that Alec’s body surged against his at the slightest guiding pressure of his grip and the way that Alexander flushed and moaned.
“Magnus, please. I-I want...you’re so much bigger.”
He was right, Magnus thought, half-delirious. Like all of him Alec’s cock was smaller, still beautiful and still proportionate but beside Magnus’ it was clear how Magnus might feel inside his husband.
“Hush love, I’ll give you what you want.” His magic rushed to his aid, both to ease the strain on his arms from holding Alexander and to tease over his hole. Alec made a noise like a wounded animal and tried to push back into the feeling. The brick facade at his back stopped part of the motion and Magnus’ firm hold stopped the rest, leaving Alec to make desperate sounds into Magnus’ throat as he returned his mouth to the hot skin there.
Magnus guided his magic to open him quickly but not so rapidly that the sweet burn of it didn’t leave Alec half-begging for more. As soon as he was confident it wouldn’t hurt Alexander, Magnus lifted him higher, relishing the way that Alec’s legs spread around him and tightened in anticipation. He slid into the tight heat of his love’s body and watched as Alec’s mouth fell open around a choked breath.
“Gods.” Magnus moaned, pressing his forehead to Alexander’s hair and listening to his husband sigh happily as they adjusted. Without his magic, Magnus was certain they would’ve fallen by now.
Magnus rolled his hips and Alexander clutched at his shoulders. As he drew back and snapped his hips Alec chased the feeling of fullness, “Please, Magnus, fuck...fuck I was right...you’re-”
Magnus snapped his hips forward and immediately had to pause to get ahold of himself. The movement alone had bounced Alec and that was...it was a lot.
“You’re so big like this.” Alec whispered to him, sounded awed and overwhelmed and what little control Magnus had clung to snapped.
He lifted Alec high enough that he could fuck into him properly, leaving Alec to cling around his shoulders, heels scrabbled at his back as he set a filthy pace, listening to the sound of their bodies meeting and Alec trying to speak nonsense as Magnus fucked him.
The drag of Alec’s cock against his stomach added a point of heat between them and with a simple clench of Alec’s body as his nails dug into Magnus’ shoulders, Alec came between them, nearly sobbing out Magnus’ name.
It took only seconds for Magnus to follow after, overwhelmed by the hot clutch of Alec’s body and the trembling of his husband in his arms.
After Magnus laid him down in their bed and cleaned him, first with magic, and then with a warm cloth, too soothe more than anything since the majority of the mess was gone. He didn’t say anything for a long while, letting Alec lay with his eyes shut. When he finished and Alexander still didn’t open them, though he was certainly awake, he climbed into bed and summoned a light snack and water.
“Are you hungry?”
“A little” Alec didn’t look.
“Alexander-”
“I don’t-” Alec shifted against their sheets, “I don’t want to see myself.”
Magnus didn’t know what to say in the moment. Had Alec not wanted them to take things as far as they had? Magnus knew he was uncomfortable he shouldn’t’ve-
“I loved being surrounded by you like that, but I don’t want to look at myself and see. I don’t think I could handle it right now. It’ll make me feel like...not me? Does that make sense?”
Magnus touched the tips of his fingers lightly to Alec’s cheek and smiled gently, he should’ve thought about that, he supposed.
“You feel wrong-bodied when you see yourself right now?” Alec nodded, “That’s perfectly understandable Alexander. Let me help you eat a little and then we can sleep. You’ll be set to rights when we wake.”
Alec gave him a smile that could’ve melted stone and Magnus pressed a kiss to it, helpless.
In the morning light Magnus found himself curled against all six plus feet of his husband and he hummed happily. Alexander dropped a kiss on his forehead.
“You won’t want me to do that again will you?”
Magnus scoffed, opening his eyes to meet Alexander’s hazel gaze, “I’d love you at five foot nothing as much as I love you now, but no. I prefer you as yourself, comfortable with me naked and tall enough to make shower sex difficult.”
Alec gave him a playful glare, “I don’t know why you insist on trying ridiculous positions when there’s water involved.”
Magnus smacked a kiss to his cheek and slid out of bed with a wink, “Adventure, love! Don’t worry, I’ll spare you this morning, we had plenty of adventure yesterday.”
Alec smiled at him where he had relaxed back into golden pillows, “If there’s anything else in your potion stash you’re thinking about “adventuring” with, please don’t let Jace be the one to deliver them.”
Magnus rolled his eyes, but paused to give Alexander a long look.
“You sure you’re okay?”
Alec seemed to sink further into their bed, happy and soft in the warm light of mid-morning, “I’m sure. Thank you for taking care of me.”
“Always.” Magnus blew him a kiss and watched him purse his lips to mock catch it.
“Go, shower. I’m going to lay here and be grateful for my body.”
Magnus grinned, “Well...if you join me we could be grateful for it together?”
“Magnus! You promised!”
“Now, now. Alexander, I never said I wouldn’t try. Besides, not everything requires crazy positions and I’m feeling like a breakfast appetizer.”
Alec’s scandalized expression made him laugh the whole way into the shower, though not as hard as the disgruntled but expectant look he got when Alec joined him a moment later.
#Malec#Malec Fanfiction#malec smut#smut#Magnus Bane#Alec Lightwood#Shadowhunters#Potion mishaps#Two feet more or less
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Family ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Siffrin#Isabeau#Mirabelle#Odile#I have not been able to stop drawing Sif's black ensemble under their cloak ever since I learned about it#The cutest#His favourite colour is black and he wears all black and he dyed his hair black so now it's two-tone!#Stopppp that's too cute#Got curious and yes - fully black-haired Sif is Very cute <3 Contrast lad#Pls gentle touches to Sif they deserve soft holds <3#I'm really happy with their hand expressions there ah Isa's big hands and Sif's small and cute#They love each other!! However whichever way <3#The posing for Sif and Mira is awkward because I was trying to draw the one with them hugging and failed lol#So they're just existing in proximity and happy about it <3 Just being together is fun!#I do love Sif getting practice in on positive touch but also just being nearby and being happy <3#Good company for certain#Can you tell I'm less practiced at drawing Odile so far lol#She is pretty <3 I didn't fully understand the lesbian catnip comments at first but I think I get it now lol#Her flyaways are probably my favourite hehe <3 Gotta draw her with crows feet sometime! Lovely ♪#I love her watching out for the younger members of the party in her cool and dry way hehe - Sif is sleepy! But he needs a push to go nap#There's the hug yaaay <3#I like everyone's outfits very much but I will admit to not using references when I drew Mira :'D More the vibes of her clothes lol#I'll draw them proper sometime!#Odile's outfit is very pretty <3 I love all the allusions to gems ah it's so cool#Such a lovely bunch!
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Propaganda for James Wilson: He is James Wilson and his horrible gargantuan ties are a stalled of his personality
Propaganda for David Fisher: the tie he wears in this scene mad eme say out loud "Why is he wearing a tie-shaped tablecloth?" and willed me to do this poll. He puts his tie inside his shirt when he does the dishes because he doesn't want to wet it. He is canonically gay.
#james wilson#david fisher#james wilson gets less propaganda because the house md fandom is big and I feel like I don't need to promote him#david fisher gets more propaganda because from my understanding like 10 people on here have watched six feet under#it's a very good show#six feet under#house md#hate crimes md#putting two bad bitches against eachothers I know#they bankrupted the clothing industries buying ludicrously large ties
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whatever questions i’ve ever had dublin answered them all
#miss them (always) and rummaging through recordings of night 2#and wondering how could it ever be doubted that— if not more than half— then all songs are about them two#there’s simply no need to theorize when the man pointed and sang to a single figure all. night. long.#i can go on and on and i have but it doesn’t shock me any less to be reminded that that night happened#‘i don’t wanna be hers i wanna be yours’ spends the whole song pretending that his public girlfriend does not exist#and has his eyes and feet and body fully attracted to the right of the stage#where the only person he knows best in that section happens to be miles#and then continues to blend that song with a totally unrelated song from a completely separate album#but both pertaining totheir coded themes and specialized diction#he didn’t beat any allegations that night he verified them#all those songs we were hesitant about their meaning - he forwards them to his far right with confidence and sincerity#could only imagine how much worse it would be if they performed ultracheese or mr schwartz#would love to hear annie remind him of that night a few years later like how she calls him out for his tlsp shenanigans#i love when she interviews them it’s like they’ve been around her for so long and get more comfortable with certain topics#i think she knows that they know that she knows lol#i still have so much more to note about dublin but maybe another day i’ll find the coherence to put it in a proper post#aaaahgshdicksoeifiew#milex#tlsp#arctic monkeys dublin
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quick marking ref for the bastard of all time
#my art#oc#heidi#furry#anthro#i love herrr i want to put her into a blender. heart emoji#even when i make humanoid furries my mind is like make them more anthro#also i'm pretty sure foxes don't have those little toes on the backs of their feet but idc. nothing is real#im workin hard grinding money right now so not much time for art but i will open comms in two weeks when im less busy#i prommy (hopefuly)
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2024 reads / storygraph
At The Feet Of The Sun
book 2 in a slow paced high fantasy duology*
the right hand of the emperor (who is off searching for an heir) struggles with what to do after passing on his responsibilities and also discovering various pieces of information that are mindblowing to him, personally,
after adventure is thrust upon him, he travels to find His Radiancy and they go on some otherworldly adventures while growing closer and figuring out the nature of their friendship
(*there’s extra novellas & i think another book coming? duology adjacent, currently,)
#At The Feet Of The Sun#lays of the heart-fire#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#giggling and kicking my feet. and also crying#bro the yearning….the yearning#I can definitely see why this loses people - it’s so long and very self indulgent#(listen. i enjoy it a lot . but does it need to be THAT long (i just checked. 375k? lord))#but it is easy to read and also very funny. it felt less repetitive than the first book to me#I did find it hard to keep track of some of the side characters though#The first world-travelling stuff caught me off guard initially - I feel like all the weird magic was more background in book 1?#or maybe I just didn't pay attention.#taking a step back it is a bit like - kip sure does achieve everything and then some and just continues to achieve everything huh#and it gets to a point where it's like.....okay yes I get he's so talented at this etc etc.#but I guess it’s a nice change of pace from the kingly swordfighting fantasy protagonist who’s perfect and wins everything -#someone whose skill is people and negotiation in a humble way is a bit more interesting. still. it maybe felt less grounded after a while?#the deep exploration of platonic yearning and desire for strong friendship and fear over that person just wanting romance/sex#when that’s Not what you want out of the relationship………#not to mention his complex feelings over meeting two people who were like his platonic soulmate rolemodels#and then finding out they just used that term because gay relationships weren’t accepted and trying to not be disappointed#(because gay is also good!) but also like. so lonely in feeling like nobody understands his desire for a platonic soulmate#to be treated equally as romantic relationships are. oof#I am a little baffled to see people interpret it as a romantic asexual relationship?#I feel like that does such a disservice to the . everything that has been set up in what 600k words of books#like the implication of that is that you think other romantic rships w/o sex are unheard of in this world. I find that hard to believe idk#(I mean - a bit romantic on fitzroy’s end; and in the nebulous queerplatonic area between friendship and romance; sure#but like a straight up romantic relationship just without sex - I don’t understand how it could be interpreted that way lol?)#(anyway other people’s interpretations don’t matter)#I do have questions about the telepathic dinosaur soulmates. you can’t just mention that and now show me them#also. kip being like 'wait there were sirens? i wonder if i can hire them' kshfkjsgkf#asexual books
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i was talking in my server yesterday about a new Casey Jr. battle move i thought up of.
and i just had to illustrate it because this is honest-to-god one of the most fun ideas i've ever had.
this move might appear in Radiant Souls, and rather soon, too!
#does his grappling hook launcher work this way? i'm not sure#but it's free real estate as far as i'm concerned#Casey Jr. joining his weapons together into some crazy highly dangerous new weapon is SO FUNNY to me#partly inspired by Shuhei Hisagi's shikai from Bleach btw#except it's only one and not two and is less of a scythe and more a chainsaw#but same base idea#this would also be *incredibly* hard to control and swing around accurately considering how big the end weight is#plus its shape. it's a stick on the end of a rope. it could swing unpredictably#but like. sweet move right? he could destroy someone at 50 feet away with this if he lands a hit#radiant souls#rottmnt radiant souls#krow jones#rottmnt#casey jr#casey jones jr#holopossums
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Just started watching this video of someone who played through the flipside and not even 30 minutes in I'm realizing that everyone on twitter was right and this game is ass
#the pyre#I am a Jecka stepping on Jeffery while he talks about her feet survior#if we're being honest I figured this game wouldn't be as good as the other two bc Jecka was the mc#Nicole is just so much more intersting I'm sorry#I saw a comment on the video that said that now that Nichole isn't the mc she's way less likeable#and I'm not even halfway through but I still disagree and if anything I feel the opposite#I love Nicole but the more we see of Jecka the less I like her#I feel like the creator tried too hard to make her like Nicole and not only is that not Jecka but it's not interesting#I wanna know why the third game of both class of 09 and south park came out this year#and both were criminally shorter than the other two games at around 3 hours and both were undoubtedly the worst in the series
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Levels of fear and horror meeting a demon:
1. Oh god what is that?? (Initial reaction)
2. Despite all the growling, snarling, claws and sharp teeth, it still resembles a human. (Most people stop here)
3. Somehow, you know it was human.
4. It was someone you used to know.
5. It was someone you were once close to.
6. It’s you.
#Yes this is about Spindle#I think the most horrifying part for Hacker would be that Spindle still has that bum leg#because once he sees that#he will never be able to convince himself that it’s just a coincidence that Spindle looks like him#also it’s clearly still hurting him but he’s still chasing them down anyways. that’s pretty scary too#spindle can probably run terrifyingly fast on all fours. which hurts less than on two feet#which also means he’s slower than he ‘should’ be on two feet#sorry. two hooves#he’ll be a lot less scared once Spindle gets his wits about him tho. he’s actually pretty chill#there’s probably a little more to it than Spindle just being chill but sadly spindle needs to rest#doctor (sparrow) told him no fucking around for a while :((#anyways. off to toil in the retail mines
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without doubt one of the worst things about bratz dolls is that you cannot display them without shoes bc they look weird as fuck. stumpy ass bitches
#tales from diana#i bought some bratz w a walmart giftcard my brother got me for my birthday... like months ago#my birthday is in april so i probably bought them like may or june#i opened yasmin today and i really gotta wash her hair it's a gelly mess#lookin like a rat's nest fuckin... it's bad mga wtf#it's the forever bratz yasmin from this year btw not a reproduction#i did also get the reproduction of campfire felicia bc it was also there and the same price#and like honestly she was lookin so cute and tbh she was a better deal lol she came w two outfits so yeah#you know yasmin was my favorite design of the forever bratz but the doll itself is somewhat cheaper than i was expecting her to be#ppl always praise mga for having higher quality than playline barbie these days but like... i kept thinking#hmmm if this had come out in the 2000s this doll would've had a fabric purse and not a hard plastic one#this lace on the front would actually be able to open and not just be glued there#whatever she's still cute i really love her#but i did have that first experience in such a long time. like since childhood. where i just take off some bratz shoes#and i'm like NO FEET! NO FEET! NO FEET! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH#PUT IT BACK!!!!!!#they look more than just naked. they look injured#i used to treat my bratz clothing completely differently than my barbie clothing as a kid bc they felt so much less interchangeable lol#i had a million barbies and a million barbie outfits and i really did not care to keep anything on a particular doll#w my couple of bratz that i had in childhood i really had to be careful where those outfit pieces ended up. couldnt leave em undressed#i suppose that still hasn't changed#you know one of these days i have to get myself a new funk-n-glow jade. she was my first bratz#but also one of these days....... i gotta wash yasmin's hair 😒
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dishwashing for a whole shift makes my hands Hurt and i'm so so sick of it ;^; just gotta make it through two more days and then hopefully i will not have to do it very often after that
#achy joints not skin dryness#frankly i would prefer to Never be stuck with another dishwashing shift#but i can live with once or twice a week#forty fuckin hours of it in one week is Too Much for me tho jesus fuck aughhh#storm's posts#personal#you can ignore this#the hand pain is just. such a personal offense#i need those for knitting and sewing :(#i was expecting and have been managing aching feet and back and those have adjusted much better#but my hands Hurt and it Sucks and i have sixteen hours of dishwashing to do in the next two days anyway#like. i had today off and my hands have been resting most of the day but they still! ache!#and in twelve hours they might be slightly less achy but at that point i have to go scrub fuckin dishes and make them hurt more again!!#and then even more the next day!!!!
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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think it shouldn’t have been legal that my first day of teaching of the year coincided with grey and rain and storms. however! have some very lovely new students, some very enthusiastic returning ones, there’s new cookies in the cafe, and I get to play with pendulums tomorrow, so there are some (many!) positives
#teaching#text post#my post#my knees are unimpressed#by the combination of being back on my feet lots and whatever the weather did I think#but the cookies are truly magnificent#and it’s cute to see the students again they’re very nice and excitable mostly#but I am tired#ok this post was mostly an excuse to just divulge how the day has gone#it felt very autumnal this morning with grey skies and wind and the smell of rain which is kinda nice yknow getting that October feeling in#but god it’s gonna be such a long term#like ridiculously so#I have all these resolutions about doing more hobby stuff in the evenings and stretching more but like#we’ll see considering: the Tired#anyway the pendulums lesson is not even fully planned but I wasn’t about to stay super late on literally day 1#I plan much better in the mornings anyway#and start as you mean to go on right#so that’s morning’s problem#but it’s pendulums it’ll be fun#tomorrow’s my first non-stop day of teaching (ie no free periods) in two years soooo#wish me (and my knees) luck for that one#those are usually ok once you get into them cause time just flies#but planning is a pain and I’m out of practice doing them cause I had none all of last year thankfully#ok that’s my update I think it’s bedtime#if you’ve read all these tags I am very impressed have a cookie 🍪#less impressive than the cafe ones but still good
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#so. there’s this girl. we’re taking the same 20hr a week summer class#so for five hours a day we are in close proximity. i saw her on the first day and thought she was cute. we got to talking#became friends. i organized a study group with us and a few other ppl from class but no one else showed… thank god tbh#what was meant to be a three hour study sesh became 12 hours of us talking about everything and nothing. hinting at being gay. more hinting#about being gay. hour ten: i tell her i’m into women. her smile. god. she laughs and says she’s also into women. red cheeks#nervous glances. she’s been kicking my feet all night just because she could. i’m smiling like an idiot because there’s a chance. she keeps#causally initiating contact. it’s getting to hour twelve. i’ve got to go because i have work in the morning. i can’t keep my eyes off her#‘when are we doing this again?’ ‘tuesday’ ‘deal’#i say goodbye followed with a casual ‘see you in less than 24hrs’ she replies even more casually ‘feels like an eternity’#so basically i’m feeling AO NORMAL HAHAHAHA!!! SHES INTO WOMEN.#SHE SAID I WAS INTIMIDATING WHEN WE FIRST MET. FEW HOURS LATER: INTIMIDATING WOMEN ARE ATTRACTIVE. AAAAHAHAAHAHA!!!! I CANT EVEN#basically i’m in LOVE. we’re planning her birthday party already and that shit is months away- just the two of us.WHAT THE FUCK IS MY LIFE?#I’m so happy and the one tumblr user that follows me has to know.#the way we’ve been texting for an hour after we’ve left. i’m positively gleeful
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!!!!
#i want to write this here… i am not a religious person… but after i had just moved and when i was depressed…which I was often then#less so these days…#i drove myself to get ice cream and i prayed along the way that i had made the right decision#to move out and start a new life and find this job#and i cried for a long while which i also seemed to do a lot then#and while i was driving back home i prayed… and i think i pray just in case someone is listening … just so they can’t say i never tried#at least someone might be listening to me#i asked god if they could show me a deer… which is a really stupid sign to ask for because i had never seen a deer close up#and i knew in my mind that i didn’t mean some vague outline of a deer on the horizon or some painting of a deer#and i don’t know why i asked for a deer at all#but i did and i had just gotten my license two months prior for this job… and i was driving on a street that was without anyone else…#which was really unusual for this tourist town in the summer but i was crying and driving and praying and it was dusk#and a deer wandered into the road…. just feet within me… and i wasn’t scared… i slowed down and I’m not sure how much time passed#but i cried and looked and wondered if i was so mentally ill i was hallucinating before the deer hobbled off to the field#and even if it’s stupid and highly conincidental… it made me feel better… and i think god is more of a whisper of hope that things will#change… and as the winter grows long… i am hungry for another sign that i am okay#i miss how simple life could be and I miss you
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we may be doomed as a species i fear
#it’s less so that it’s a ridiculous question and more so about the complete lack of autonomous thought#having to ask others how to interpret what you claim are your own morals#if you believe acab you should be able to answer this yourself!#*do* you mean cop dogs when you say acab??#revolutionary thinking does not mean following a rulebook#you NEED to be able to have morals and ideals that can stand on their own two feet
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