#Tw mentions of starvation

[brainr0t-landfill]

🌃Mercurial:

Ghoap x male reader

Chapter One/Prologue: Abstain

"I found you, I found the door."

-Mitski, I Want You

(please mind the tags, I don't know how the UK train system works, English isn't my first language apologies for any mistakes <3)

You kiss them goodbye on the doorway, you make sure their jackets are zipped up, you promise to keep the windows locked and to not go out at night, Simon smiles, his eyes crinkling above the surgical mask.

"Gonna be good for us, hare? Sure hope so."

It's half joking, half threatening and desperately hopeful.You focus on the spot between his eyes as you nod, stomach twisting into knots and hands sweating.

You press your ear to the metal door and listen to their footsteps fading away then you rush to the balcony and watch the black, truck you repainted last month go down the road, through the U turn and disappear, your knuckles white against the railings your forearms stiff, eyes so wide and unlinking untill they water and force you to blink. You're scared that any moment now the other shoe will drop, they'll turn the car around and John will ask you if you really took them for such fools as Simon rumages through drawers and wardrobes laying every bit of your pitifull escape plan on the floor, like a wolf gutting a hare. Then you'll be driven back to the lonely, stuffy shack in the woods in the trunk, hogtied and gagged, feeling every bump on the road.

The trunk opens and you shut your eyes against the onslaught of white hard light, nose stinging from the cold as you curl into yourself out of both fear and well deserved shame, guilt. They're talking above you, familiar voices blurring together and becoming white noise. You feel like an insect pinned down, getting dissected.

Someone places their hand over your eyes, rubbing at your red, runny nose with their calloused thumb.

"Oh lovie."

"Carefull Si, cannea back out now."

There's silence for a second and you know they're exchanging the kind of look that saves their lives out on the field, the kind of look that explains and understands.

"Gotta let him learn his lesson ,hmm?"

"No other choice left."

Simon runs his hand over your face and rubs at your neck, that still smells of someone else. Mature and cold with hints of narcissus.You can see his internal conflict in his darkned eyes and see you can see his attachment, his love, his despration winning out.

You look up at them at Simon's wide set face and his unfocussed eyes dried out from lack of sleep, John bends down and picks you out of the truck setting you down on aching feet, still clad in socks as he flicks his knife out, a flash of fear goes through you, gutted by the same knife you had bought for him on his birthday, how fitting.

"Run 'n I'll break ya legs,."

"Last resort Si, might never heal proper again."

"Wouldn't tha' a good thing by now?"

You hear a sigh, both exasperated and heartbroken.

"Hope not."

Simon holds you in place by the shoulders as John cuts the ropes away, his jaw is set but his sweet blue eyes are wet, tired and you can't help the immense guilt you feel at putting them through this, for pushing them so far, for staying when you knew you'd do this.

Then you lift your face and see it, the cabin it's a box really, no windows and only one heavy door, John had mentioned his father had built one for hunting ,you wonder if it's the same one. You look over the dark wood walls and the door padlocked from the outside, your fear snowballs, all consuming and rattling your ribs. The idea of being trapped in the small, dark space is nauseating, it terrifies you in a way so primal, so reflex you think you'll bolt for a second, you think you'll beg scream, anything, anything. John straightens up and caresses your face.

"Just for a little while hare, just 'till Si n' I are back from this misson, then we'll come 'n get ya, promised we'd never leave eachothe, remember?."

He rips the tape off your mouth and gives you a soft sweet kiss, familiar lips failing to settle you for the first time, well groomed stubble scratchy against your moist skin, Simon presses his cheek against yours.

"It has everything ya need and we'll be back before you know it, just behave yourself and you'll never have to see this place again."

His voices is gravel against your skin, his breath smoke but you can't focus on them pressing against you on either side or the ropes laying undone on the grass.

All you can see is the cabin, the padlock, the wardens, the convict.

You had stayed for a long time in that cabin, long enough for your food to start running out, long enough to grow both lovesick and resentfull, long enough to get yourself together and fix the old, busted hunting camera you had found shoved between the wall and the bed.

You bought two flasdrives a week ago before their deployment and hid them in your tool box, on one you upload images of the cabin, of chains, of bruises, dents in the wall and your room ransacked time and time again.You know it's not a strong case and it's not meant to be. It's supposed to be a reminder for what you did, what you're running from, your sentencing.

On the other flash drive you upload all your happy memories, screenshots of loving wordsand jokes, selfies together, pictures of gifts and vacations, the apartment you saved up for with them. To keep you warm, souvenirs from the last place you settled in, from the last place you let yourself be loved.

You tuck them into the struddiest back pack you own, four changes of clothes, underwear, very basic toiletries, some fancy jewellery you'll have to pawn off later on. The money, fake ID and passport you had hidden in the inner lining of one of the coats John's forgotten about a long time ago, discarded at the back of his closet.

You pack the bag in under ten minutes just the way you practiced, the hard part is the note, you write over and over again palms sweaty and hands shaky eventually you settle on;

'Stay safe, I love you, goodbye.' Flowery language and false promises feel ingenuine when you're leaving everything the three of you have worked for, everything they'd tied their hearts to , it feels cowardly when you're running away. You leave the crumpled up notes on the top of the trash and your shared card on the table. You keep your promise ring in your pocket.

The walk to the train station is torture, every loud step is Simon, every wide shoulder or brown jacket is John, you feel like you're drowning in a pool filled with snippets of them, like driftwood caught in a storm much bigger than he'll ever comprehend. You either dread the day they'll be nothing but memories or salivate for it, you can't decide with the overwhelming panic, the sick excitement.You buy a day pass and a burner phone before you throw away your cell phone.

The bus ride is calmer, when you don't think about the pub you met in, the small flower shop you routinely bought foxgloves and bluebells from, the record shop Johnny loves, the workplace Simon insisted he drove you to whenever he could; the lufe you're betraying, the blessings you're running from.

You sit arms crossed and face hidden under your hood as you watch the city flash by, the further away from home you get the more guilt you feel; guilt for letting them in, guilt for misguiding them, guilt for aggravating them again and again and again untill either one snapped, guilt for leaving when you had just convinced them you wouldn't even think of it.

You swallow it down and watch the city speed away colors blurring like oil paint.

Next Chapter >>

[antiendovents]

hiii I might start doing this every so often bc Ik from experience answering vents is hard work how are you/yall doing? anything interesting happen today? did ya go anywhere? learn something new? hell whats your obsession, I'll listen to you rant about it :P <3 /p

awh, thank you so much!! We really appreciate it, while we do love being able to help people it is pretty tiring answering vents a lot, so it's nice to get little breaks ! ^_^

We're doing fine, a little tired right now. Nothing big is happening today (thankfully) but we are trying to focus on finishing off our SP (after like a year of working on it) or at least getting closer to finishing it if we can- we did just learn some random facts about queen bees (like how their workers swarm them and basically cook them alive when they're old or how they starve them to death, or how sometimes the queen bee will take half of the worker bees and go to make a new hive when there's a new queen, or something like that)

Currently our obsession is probably Dandy's world, though we're also pretty interested in Call of Duty (though we can't actually talk much about it in a canon sense because we can't afford the stuff needed to play it, so we're more or less just obsessed with the CoD fandom and the characters).

((long rant below about Dandy's world— made with the assumption you already know what it is, I would explain what it is just incase you don't but I'm actually horrible at explaining it so I fear I might just confuse you even more 😓))

Honestly though, we've gotten into Dandy's world a lot lately, our brother introduced us to it because he knows we like games with cute little guys and we loved it immediately. Glisten is one of our favourites, we sort of headcannon him to have NPD (well actually it's more so just us projecting because we relate to him and we have NPD, but yah!), but we also LOVE Goob. We spent like a week straight trying to find his twisted so we could get Scraps and then when we got her we worked as hard as we could to get her mastery and to get enough ichor to buy Goob! We're not really good at distracting (because we keep walking into walls or accidentally getting people killed 😓) but we find Goob adorable and we honestly wish we could play him more without people being angry at us. Speaking of we actually really like Astro too, he's such a cutie, we spent a while finding his twisted and then about 3 days saving up to get him. We're not the best at playing him (movement speed fucks us over) but we love his little animations and the sounds he makes when he speaks, we really wanna get his skin (the yellow one, I forgot what it's called) because it's just so cute. We actually really want to make an AU for Dandy's world but we're so bad at keeping up with those sorts of things and making them in time that I feel like once we actually made it no one would be interested in Dandy's world AU's anymore :( and also we saw someone with basically the same idea and it made us wanna cry because we thought our idea was cool (we made it with our brother too). We might talk more about that AU some other time, I'm not sure.

[very-gay-poet]

people wonder why we still need feminism when boys in my class were comparing what the suffragettes (/womans right to vote movement in the uk) did to get the right to vote (hunger strikes, arson attacks, destroyed property where the majority of people would notice, leaving behind notes to say that they did it, etc, etc) to Hitler. They were comparing woman who just wanted to be fucking equal to men and get the right to vote for all woman (not just rich white woman like the suffragists did) to HITLER.

[bambiraptorx]

Rise au with the whole 'Draxum kidnaps a turtle for nefarious and evil purposes' trope except the gargoyles are super not into it and actively trying to free said turtle

Like maybe they aren't super obviously going against it or anything (especially given the premise of their boss kidnapping a whole ass child and presumably more or less torturing them, he's probably not a guy you necessarily want to confront directly) but they are distinctly not playing along.

Cause the thing is, they've canonically been lying to him since the day he hired them and he presumably never figured that out (he probably would not have kept them around if he had) and they're kinda known for being 'stupid' and messing stuff up, so it wouldn't be all that hard for them to just. Do that on purpose.

For example: Draxum tells them to stop feeding the whichever turtle it is so that he can starve into compliance. A few days later he's like "damn why isn't starving them working" and the gargoyles are just like "oh we were supposed to be doing that? we forgor oopsie :("

or like

Draxum asks them to watch the turtle overnight, and the next morning they're like "oh did you mean keep them in the cage overnight? Cause we just let them out. Yeah for a stretch, a quick little run. Btw you're paying us overtime for that right?"

Draxum's like "well go find them you buffoons" and they're like "okay fine", and then come back half an hour later and are like "good news we figured out how to find the kid fast! we called yokai CPS :)"

[electrozeistyking]

Hello, welcome to The Rare Bites AU! I was going to draw J and V, but my eagerness to show this to you was far too strong. Here's some notes on it:

-the disassembly drones are pretty much starving and scrawny. uzi hates that her colony basically lied to these guys because they're only attacking because they're desperate to feed. she's like "DAMN WE'RE A BUNCH OF FUCKING LIARS HUH."

-j, n and v are some of the rare few disassembly drones that reached close to adulthood. they're all shaky and weak by this point, but still strong enough to take down a worker if they absolutely pushed themselves to do it. their population has been shrinking for years, due to starvation, overheating and killing their own young.

-"And our parents are leaving these fuckers to starve over one stupid deal they failed to uphold and won't even tell us about?! Like, come on! If these guys were human, they'd be all bony and shit! That's gross! What the fuck is wrong with us?!"

-n unwittingly reveals how bad their situation is by announcing that j and v might kill him in order to feed themselves when they find out he's had more than enough to drink (uzi's like "damn" and gives him some extra oil canisters. the workers have enough as is, so she doesn't bat an eye over having to give any up to disassembly drones).

-because these three don't really have a major reason to hate each other, i like to imagine that n, j and v basically fell asleep in a very shaky cuddle pile in order to feel less alone in this cruel world, and eventually begin to include uzi. at that point, they feel safer and start gaining weight and showing their true personalities. :3

-long story short, they start off in a bad place but then everything gets better because of uzi's input. :3

[xx-akubara-xx]

Prisoner AU: Page 9

Three Days - Three Dinners pass.

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Next

Previous

Page One

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Master Post of Comics

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Do you think that Color would s/h post-VOID?

Perhaps not in the form of like, cutting. But given his sensory sensitivities and physical fragility, and the common thought that pain is grounding for him (if not beautiful, considering the HC of him seeing pain as color), he could actively self harm via causing or allowing himself physical overwhelm, stress, and pain; allowing himself to be touched or manhandled even when it’s painful and too much, even if it makes him feel bad.

There’s the possibility of unsafe sex with strangers, if not also the possibility of drinking, if they’re one night stands.

Binge eating—especially when he’s still severely malnourished and recovering from decades of whatever form of starvation monster bodies/souls deal with—eating to the point of disgust, shame, overwhelm, and yet feeling unable to stop until he physically can’t eat anything more.

And eating too fast, too much, after periods of starvation can cause shock and death in human bodies. Which is why people who have been through starvation have to be slowly introduced back into food and closely monitored.

Color is sensitive in a lot of ways. Emotionally, physically, sensory. For him, self harm could be exposing himself to more than he can handle at all or at that point in time; either physically, emotionally, or mentally. This can be very distressing and exhausting for anyone, let alone a touch starved, sensory deprived of two decades, hypersensitive autistic person.

He could allow others to harm him, even unknowingly or unintentionally, but not speaking up or stopping it when it becomes too much, or deliberately seeking out or putting himself into dangerous situations with dangerous people—such as knowing he’s being followed, and deliberately walking somewhere darker and out of range of any possible help, knowing that anyone following him late at night probably doesn’t have good intentions.

There could also be some painful stims Color has—like scratching his skull or his arms, when hes overwhelmed, feeling a certain way, and needing to regulate his emotions.

There’s possibly more ways he could self harm, but there’s just a few. If he ever does cut himself, he’d probably feel compelled to heal these specific wounds—perhaps this is a part of him he doesn’t want anyone to remember.

There’s also the fact that some people can and do hurt themselves during meltdowns, or panic attacks. This one probably happened a lot immediately post Void, when he was in a hospital/care facility.

Even just the existence of lights and all the moving, talking, breathing people would’ve all been to much for someone coming freshly out of what amounted to two decades of near complete sensory deprivation and solitary confinement.

He probably would’ve try to fight back and resist anyone coming near him if he was physically capable of doing so in any meaningful capacity—and doing so would’ve also meant straining a body no longer prepared to handle that much movement and activity. I doubt he had much physical energy for awhile.

[phleb0tomist]

the recent surge of articles on severe ME is shattering my heart. we’re looking at a live, ongoing portfolio of the NHS’s failure to protect young ME patients, the same failures that cast a shadow over both my childhood and my current life, and it’s so wild that things aren’t changing. there’s no repair, no apology for the highly preventable suffering or the deaths, which are mostly young women.

the improper care of ME patients isn’t because of a lack of funding, it’s because of ignorance & stubbornness. the bare minimum of appropriate care to prevent a severe ME patient from getting worse is to allow them to be somewhere dark, quiet, lying down, hydrated & fed, and somehow the NHS can’t even provide that. my main shred of hope is that this is finally being reported and i wonder if that will be the catalyst for a little bit of repair. i’m desperate to believe it will be

[antiendosystemterms]

Starving alter

An alter formed from trauma related to starvation or not having enough food to eat.

((term made by us. Flag made by us.))

[off-the-rails-raccoon]

I love idea of ghostbur just looking terrifying.

Not like scary looking like cdrm but somewhat in the way uncanny valley is

YESSS!!! I've always been obsessed with the idea that ghostbur looks uncanny and odd in a way that people generally find hard to place but they know for sure something isn't right. I usually try to make this effect appear by playing up the whole ghost/corpse thing, and just basing his appearance off of how I think cWil would look as he was being buried. For example: The sword wound still looks fresh and new but there's flakes of dried blood around it, his skin is disturbingly pale and chalky, his eyes are slightly sunk in, and they seem to have dulled and appear glassy. Plus, I also like to think that being a ghost in the overworld has slightly warped his body, so minor differences have occurred that most people would miss but those close to him.

[waywardstation]

WIP FRIDAY

I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.

BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!

I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.

The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.

Enjoy!!

—————

“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”

“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.

“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”

Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.

Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”

Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.

“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”

“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.

“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.

Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.

“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.

It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.

“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”

The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.

“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.

[seth-whumps]

as someone who's adhd makes me constantly accidently skip meals, the blurry vision, nausea, and headaches/migrane are some of the first and strongest symptoms to kick in!!!

tw disordered eating mention below

on the times i'd intentionally work through those as well- it gets to a point after so many hours where you can literally feel and are acuitly aware of the "void"/how upset your stomach is even when you try to ignore it :/ (do not recommend as the crash of pain after you do eat is 10000% times worse & also it's extremely unhealth of a mindset to keep!!)

Aha, the ADHD food-blindness. Great point of reference! I'll definitely refer to this!!

Also, I wasn't aware of a food crash.... that one will be very very fun.......

Thanks so so much!!!

[paingoes]

Does delta have any issues with eating in rubies? Anything from a food he doesn't like to eating disorders?

tw starvation, disordered eating

deltas relationship with food is complex and its something that really only exists in headcanon territory a lot of the time… i dont write it into the text too much but i do have thoughts on it.

eating disorders are mostly about control and as someone whos life has been so strictly regulated, it makes sense that this might be something he turns to.

a lot of his thinking is paradoxical. he stashes food but also restricts himself. if he is told to skip a meal as punishment, he will sometimes defy it by eating the snacks he has saved in his room. but more commonly he will not only skip that meal — but not eat the entire next day as well. he views both of them as forms of defiance that he can get away with.*

in early rubies i think he is less willing to exert that same desire for control — and additionally really really doesnt want to be rude or ungracious to apollo. though apollo still notes its kind of a struggle to get delta to eat so i guess hes not doing that good a job at hiding it. still delta is generally being fed well and people are making sure that he gets what he needs.

later on as he develops more independence and is kind of processing everything i think some of the food restriction might return. but all of his caretakers are aware of this and so are kind of on him about making sure he is at least eating something once a day. a lot of times he still feels like he doesnt deserve to eat but i would say its like…under control. hes managing it.

additionally the food hes eating in rubies is higher quality because it did not have to be delivered onto a fucking spaceship.

*i talked about this with @floral-comet-whump in the daffodil AU! food restriction is also used as a punishment there. delta goes through the same routine — if he’s told he’s not allowed to eat for one meal, he will literally continue to not eat until someone intervenes. it’s one of the few ways in which he is really spiteful and passive aggressive!

[waccozzz]

vampire dib au

more people should also add the fangs to his shirt in vampire aus, that ideas very silly.

i feel like he would refuse to drink human blood (saviour complex or whatever) and he would only target zim

[toomuchdivergentformyneuro]

i forgot to tell yall (to those who are barely seeing these posts of mine at least💅) i gained 6 whole pounds since the last time i had gone to the doctor (before this most recent time i mean), and that’s absolutely awesome and i’ve gotta say i’m proud of myself for how far i’ve come with my eating, even though it’s still SHIT, it’s better and i’m very happy about it :]

[ilovewomen--8]

SMALL VENT TW ((look at tags))

Sometimes I js wanna starve myself. Bc like I’ll lose some of my tits size if I do, and they give me so much fucking dysphoria and I just can’t deal with it. They’re not supposed to be there, why are they there? Why couldn’t I have been flat chested? Why did I have to be born like this? Born at all? Why? what did I do to deserve this? Do I even deserve to fucking eat? I know I’m a shitty person sometimes, but like- I’m sorry please take these away I can’t, y’all don’t understand how fucking close I am to just… ripping them off

I didn’t ask for this bullshit. So why would the gods shove it on me? What did I do in my past life for this to be my life?

I can probably word my emotions better then this but rn I can’t so sorry if this makes 0 sense :/