#Tried perspective and lighting w this one
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h0dge-p0dge · 3 months ago
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She makes me feel things
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lemongogo · 1 year ago
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i need 2 stop drawing static stuff . white bg . front facing pose. <will do it again
#i looked thru my media tab 2day .horrific#WHERES THA PURPOSEEEE E#there doesnt have 2 be any . of coursies .#but thats smt i want to work on rly hard T_T 2024!!!!!!!!!#smth smth reflection but i am happy with what ive done in 2023#definitely havent finished as many things as id hoped but thats okay.kind of touched on it w that one trgn comp a few months ago#but i tried 2 be more confident in areas i wasnt so sure abt before and it paid off in a way that im happy with T__T❤️#like despite all my gloom & burnout and artblock . i had a lot of fun . and im rly fortunate that ive been able to meet the nicest ppl#through it T__T#idk what jm talking abt anymore but j think . i am happy w the direction im headed in and i just need to work harder now on variability#and concept and composition. not rly sure where to start but i think compiling some of my favs in a single place#and studying them will help. :3.. AND NOT GIVING UP A SKETCH IF ITS FRUSTRATING ATM😭😭😭😭#some of them ..that one w meryl and vash . i ould not for the life of me figure out and i was like soo done w it#but then i was likeno OK just do it who cares . and then i found a workflow that worked and it WAS SOO MUCH FUNNN AND I STILL RLY LOVE HOW#IT TURNED OUTTT ..#and the one w knives . the beautiful universe one . i rmbr being so annoyed by a similar attempt that inwas lkke fuck it im just gna use the#biggest brush ever and play arnd with stuff bc its not gna see the light of day and fhen j agonized abt sharing it and everyone WAS SOOO#NICE TO ME !!&2&2 LIKEEE it was one of my earliest trgn pieces so kind of new 2 da scene and lkke . idk man it helped me enjoy my art from#an outside perspective after struggling w the doubt and its now one of my favorites ever too …#ORRR .. the vash and wolfwood one w the silly blue sky bg .. the textures were so mindless and fun#or the elendira . SOOO MANY FUN ELENDIRAS.. the perspective nail gun one is still a fav bc i shy away from perspective bc its hard as shit#but it worked out and i luv it tew .#sory anyways . very happy. and thankful^__^ ik when j post stuff like URRG MY ART!!!it mostly jst comes from .like GAAH want 2 push myself#harder bc i know itll be fun once i get 2 where im going T_T#anyways if u got 2 this point u r lkterally angel my angelll~ hamtaro pic#tys
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unproduciblesmackdown · 2 years ago
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that moment when: everyone's lives are restricted and constricted and these imposed consequences are attributed to anyone's continual individual failures to seek, find, and follow the Correct Path through Life, and so everyone is left on their own to only be seeking & finding these failures as well as the only answer to how their lives can be better....versus Not seeing the world as the free marketplace meritocracy of everyone's personal failures/successes, nor everything in your own life, and thus not forever having to scrutinize Where You Must Be Bringing It Upon Yourself by fucking up or at least failing to do the correct thing, and exist only in perpetual punishment for your ongoing failure and occasional temporary reprieves from it. recognizing everything that wasn't & isn't & wouldn't be [this is because you're bringing it upon yourself] and thus having more capacity & capability to look at the realm of your personal individual self, reality, experiences, life through the perpetual instances of seeking, finding, and following your own needs/wants through one's inherent personhood and exercises of autonomy and recognition of where & when & how one recognizes moments of their existing freely & in more resonant genuine alignment with themself, you know? endless examples to be found in endless fractals of [where & how are people's lives made smaller]. and that of course this doesn't preclude the ability/option at any time to question one's choices, since you'll be able to find more Actual choices available to you (and, also crucially, find more actual choices made by others that are in the pursuit of limiting Yours) to look at, and people getting to exercise their autonomy isn't the same as "everyone doing anything they want regardless of how it affects others" since that [how does it affect others?] element instead being Regarded would be able to lead to recognizing that, in fact, an effect might be the infringement on others' autonomy, hence: There's A Problem....like the ability to just go ham with [questioning???] anything in existence, certainly including oneself, b/c the "norm" is such that rather you're only supposed to be able to question yourself for your failings (or those positioned as less than, thus, beneath you) and not even have the language to express a questioning of aspects of life beyond that b/c stop calling anyone "cis" they're just Normal, Just Be Normal and it would all be fine
#brought to you by: i think one of my feelings lately of A Shift is in my less than ever running this like continuous background function of#looking for Thee Answer (just like the black suits) in any & everything that could serve as the Key to like. whatever could fit into place#to like set things on a [hell yeah. life? better] path. juxtaposing this recent sense of things with the [lol. in retrospect i Do see a new#context wherein i can Recognize smthing abt myself] past going on of like. granpa greentext story be me be fifteen i'm in college b/c i hat#school i also mostly assumed i'd probably fail out freshman yr but didn't. i've never known what i'd wanna major in & as a sophomore i'm de#supposed to figure it out in time for scheduling my jr yr classes (though Ideally have known from the start / been scheduling thusly) & so#many evenings during dinner i'm furiously perusing the daily print news as i've been doing for some yrs to Keep Up W/Current Events but now#also consciously like ''boy i hope in the course of doing this i stumble across some info that sparks some eureka moment of Getting what my#major should Obviously be so i can understand the rest of my life around [do job] b/c i sure as hell don't understand it around [be married#much less [be parent] so one option remains obvi'' whereas now i realize like lol you Were figuring out a guiding light in doing so & that#perspective being honed was one of Having A Political Analysis times....which also provides another Example of [only being able to interpre#what makes your life & your world the way it is: via Your Personal Failures to have already Had Better] in that just like i often forget i#misguidedly (but also reasonably; clearly also using & seeking that autonomy & freedom) tried to have a better existence within the#situation i was in by Coming Out As Trans to parents via an email that was then not directly discussed ever; b/c any legitimate discussion#was not permissible like how so many matters of [supposed correct existence] are Unspeakable so as to be Unquestionable#languaging that succeeds & sustains itself having to be expansive / flexible / creative / evolving too. Making Up Words hell yes#anyways so i also forget i Did try to propose majoring in things that Did more approach what i was suspecting were things i'd wanna do#but even the first like expression of anything on the periphery of that was met with ''no you'd hate it b/c you'd have to deal w/Stupid Ppl#every day'' (by which was meant; with believed inherent synonymity: poor people) & then i also will oft forget i pushed for it any further#which i Know i did b/c of it next being met with angry & aggressive ''i've never heard you talk abt that interest before So''#(wonder why? withholding info to protect yourself=finding room in one's life for existing more freely; exercising the autonomy to Do That)#but it's easy to forget b/c The All Encompassing Perspective was rather [i'm sure Failing to just Know my major for the sole possibility fo#defining one's entire life: The Correct Dream Job] & then Failing to push it or just express it & be understood ''correctly'' even if i Did#have any ideas in that realm. vs seeing how i Was succeeding & was recognizing shit & pursuing it & looking out for myself & etccc#it's undeniable lol like the framing even that Blaming Oneself is an autonomy seeking response. b/c your autonomous power in your own life#sure Would be more immediate if Everything Really Was Your Fault (when ofc really this is abt obscuring & denying the responsibility of ppl#who have the power over others' lives & then have to act like this is all the fault of the Others; they themselves have never Truly Chosen)#no victim blaming no condemnation of anyone's ''passivity'' here babey#re: the undeniability it's how like. maybe you've only Just realized you're not cis but in doing so it's like ''oh That's what i already#recognizing in various ways throughout my whole life'' it's all always Been there/going on & perspex shifts + new lenses can reveal them
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lev1berry · 3 days ago
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DISCHARGED 。 。 。 リヴァイ
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( 𝓢 ) ﹕ he finds himself unexpectedly falling for you
in which levi ackerman, accustomed to a life of duty and emotional detachment, starts to change when he's injured and cared for by a nurse. initially indifferent, he gradually grows fond of her quiet kindness and begins to desire more. as his walls break down, he struggles with the fear of revealing his inner scars, uncertain about this unexpected connection.
──── levi ackerman x nurse! r ╱ ⌕ ???2lovers, fluff ∿ w. unethical relationship (nurse x patient) , romantic relationship , unestablished relationship , mutual pinning , feminine terms used , levi having a crush , brief mention of despersion , not proofread wc. 8.6k (8,611) 。 。 inspired by this post by @levisrations the amount of times I rewrote this should be illegal
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☆ 𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐈 𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 resigned himself to a life devoid of love. His world was one of duty and survival, where attachments were liabilities and emotions were weaknesses. But life, unpredictable as always, decided to challenge that belief in the most unexpected way. When he was confined to a hospital bed, broken and weary, you entered his life—not as a savior, but as a nurse assigned to care for him.
At first, Levi regarded you with indifference. You were efficient, professional, and kind, but he kept his walls firmly in place. He convinced himself that you were just doing your job, and he was just another patient in your care. But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, something began to change.
It wasn’t a grand, dramatic moment that shifted his perspective. It was the quiet moments: the way you patiently listened to his curt remarks without taking offense, the soft smile you gave him when you thought he wasn’t looking, the way you treated him not as a soldier or a broken man but simply as Levi. Piece by piece, you slipped past his defenses, and he didn’t even realize it until it was too late.
For the first time in years, Levi found himself wanting something more. He looked forward to your presence in a way that unsettled him, and the thought of you not being there filled him with a strange, unfamiliar ache. But with that longing came fear—fear of letting you see the scars he had buried deep within. Not just the ones on his body, but the ones etched into his very soul.
Levi tried to suppress his feelings, convincing himself that you deserved better. Someone whole, someone unburdened by the weight of the past. He told himself he was protecting you, sparing you from the pain of being tethered to a man like him. Yet, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t deny the truth: you had become more than just a nurse to him.
Anyway, that plan didn’t work out. He wasn’t surprised; after all, things rarely went his way. Life had taught him that expecting anything more was a fool’s game. Still, he had hoped—foolishly, it seemed—that distancing himself from you would be enough to smother the feelings blooming in his chest. But it didn’t. If anything, his emotions only grew stronger with each passing day.
Hurray… What a cruel irony. Every time you walked into the room, every time your voice filled the air, it was like pouring gasoline on a fire he couldn’t extinguish. He wanted to hate it, to hate himself for feeling this way, but he couldn’t. You had become the one thing he couldn’t push away, no matter how hard he tried.
And it wasn’t just your kindness or your beauty that had undone him—it was the way you carried yourself, the way you looked at the world with such hope and grace. It was the way you treated him like he was something more than his scars, his past, or his title. You were so effortlessly… you. Bright, compassionate, full of life. You were everything he wasn’t—caring, gentle, and full of a light that seemed almost otherworldly. To him, you were the most gorgeous person he had ever met, not just in appearance but in spirit. And the more he dwelled on that, the more his hope diminished.
And he? He was just… him. A man burdened by too many failures, too many regrets, and too many scars to count. He felt like a shadow standing in the glow of your light. How could someone like you ever harbor love for someone like him? The thought was laughable, absurd even.
Levi clenched his fists, his jaw tightening at the ache blooming in his chest. This would hurt him, he was certain it would. There was no scenario where this ended with you looking at him the way he looked at you. No world where someone as extraordinary as you could ever fall for a man as broken as him.
And yet, despite the certainty of his own heartbreak, he couldn’t stop himself from caring. From wanting. From dreaming of the impossible, even if it was only for a fleeting moment. You were a flame, and he was a moth doomed to burn. And somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to turn away.
In the quiet of his heart, a small, fragile hope begins to grow. Perhaps, just perhaps, you are the one person who can show him that even the most shattered souls are capable of love.
He sighed deeply, the sound barely audible in the quiet of his room, as he lay in bed staring up at the ceiling. Once again, his mind was plagued with thoughts of you. This had been happening more frequently than he cared to admit, and no matter how hard he tried to shake it off, you always found your way into his thoughts.
Levi rubbed a hand over his face, as if the motion could wipe away the image of you that lingered in his mind. It was impossible, though. The memory of your kindness was seared into him. The way you spoke to him—not with pity, but with genuine care—was something he wasn’t used to. And that smile of yours… God, that smile. It was radiant, warm, and so effortlessly beautiful that it made his chest ache.
And your eyes. Those breathtaking eyes. They held a light he couldn’t quite describe, a spark that seemed to draw him in every time he was fortunate enough to catch a glimpse. He swore the world felt quieter when you looked at him, as if for that brief moment, nothing else existed but you. It was maddening how much power those fleeting glances had over him.
The more he thought about you, the deeper the ache in his chest grew. Because with every second spent imagining your laughter, your touch, your presence, he was also reminded of the harsh truth: someone like you could never feel the same way about someone like him. Levi wasn’t the type of man who inspired affection or love. He was stoic, scarred, and far too broken to be worthy of someone as extraordinary as you.
Levi closed his eyes, the weight of his unspoken feelings pressing down on him like a lead blanket. It was a cruel torment, to be so utterly captivated by you while knowing his chances were as slim as the stars aligning. Yet, no matter how much it hurt, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about you. You had become his solace and his torment all at once—a beautiful dream that he could never truly hold.
It's not like it's impossible for you to feel the same…it's just that it's unlikely.
As if on cue, the door creaked open slowly, the sound breaking the silence and drawing his attention. His eyes shifted toward the doorway, where he caught sight of you peeking inside, your hand resting lightly on the frame. And then, with a smile that could rival the sun, you stepped fully into the room, your presence instantly filling the once-empty space with warmth.
Well, speak of the angel. His breath hitched slightly, though he masked it with a quiet exhale. “Y/n…” The name slipped from his lips in a hushed whisper, barely audible, almost as if it wasn’t meant to be heard. It was a reflex, really—an involuntary reaction to the sight of you. He would never admit it out loud, but seeing you again felt like the highlight of his day.
No, it was the highlight of his day. The hours leading up to this moment had been nothing short of agonizing. He knew you were busy tending to other patients, carrying out your duties, being your usual diligent self, but that didn’t make it any easier. Every second without you had dragged on painfully, each minute feeling like an eternity. He had spent the entire day counting down the time, his gaze flickering to the clock more often than he’d care to admit.
And now you were here, standing in front of him, your eyes bright and full of that familiar kindness that always seemed to soften the edges of his otherwise harsh reality. He tried to keep his expression neutral, to maintain the stoic facade he always wore, but deep down, he felt something stir—a quiet relief, a sense of peace that only your presence seemed to bring.
If he were honest with himself, painfully, brutally honest, he’d admit that he wished you didn’t have to divide your attention among others. The selfish part of him (one he didn’t even know existed until you came along) wanted you all to himself. He wanted your care, your time, your smile to be for him and him alone. The thought was absurd, he knew that. But it lingered all the same, persistent and unshakable.
Still, Levi kept those thoughts buried, tucked away where they couldn’t betray him. Instead, he simply watched you, his gray eyes following your every movement as you approached him. The day had been long, but now that you were here, he could finally breathe a little easier—even if he’d never tell you just how much your presence meant to him.
His gaze instinctively roamed over you, taking in every detail as if committing you to memory. From the way your hair frames your face to the way you carried yourself, everything about you seemed to radiate a kind of effortless charm that left him momentarily breathless. Before he realized it, a faint smile crept onto his lips, one so small it was almost imperceptible. It was rare for him to smile at all, but with you, it felt… natural.
Of course, his fleeting expression went unnoticed. You were too busy looking at him with that warm, familiar gaze of yours, the one that seemed to reach straight into his chest and wrap around his heart. Your smile, soft yet dazzling, pulled him in further, like a tether he couldn’t escape—and didn’t want to.
His steel-gray eyes, usually so sharp and guarded, unconsciously softened as they locked onto you. The tension he carried in his shoulders eased, his hardened exterior melting away, if only for a moment. It wasn’t something he could control; it was simply the effect you had on him.
What a sight for sore eyes… The thought drifted through his mind unbidden, and for once, he didn’t try to push it away. It was true, after all. You were a breath of fresh air in the otherwise suffocating monotony of his days. Your presence was a balm, soothing the edges of his often jagged world. He realized that he could spend an eternity in your presence and still not grow tired of the sight.
“I got some good news,” you started excitedly as you made your way closer to his bed, the sound of your voice full of joy. You leaned even closer, your face now so near his that you could almost feel the warmth of his breath. His cheeks flushed ever so slightly, a subtle but telling reaction to your proximity.
“Go on,” Levi encouraged, his voice low and calm, but there was a hint of curiosity in his eyes as he awaited the news.
You beamed, unable to hold back your excitement. “You're getting discharged tomorrow! Isn't that great?”
At first, Levi’s expression softened into what seemed to be a small, content smile, but it faded almost instantly, replaced by a frown that tugged at his features. His gaze dropped to his lap, his fingers nervously twitching against the bedsheet. Great? How is this great? The word felt almost alien in his mind, a stark contrast to the wave of uncertainty that washed over him. Tomorrow, he would be free to leave the sterile walls of the hospital, but that meant he'd have to say goodbye. He wouldn’t be able to see you every day, to hear your voice or feel the warmth of your presence beside him.
The thought gnawed at him. Even though he was supposed to feel relief, there was a knot of unease tightening in his chest. “I… guess it’s good,” Levi muttered, his tone laced with a complexity that didn’t quite match the excitement you had shown.
You noticed the sudden shift in his demeanor. Your heart sank, but you quickly masked the concern on your face with a smile, trying to cheer him up. “Hey, you’re finally getting out of here. It’s something to be happy about, right?”
As much as Levi wouldn’t admit it, he didn’t want to leave just yet. Not until he found the courage to tell you how he truly felt, a confession he’d buried deep down for far too long. He’d been planning to speak up for ages, but the right moment never seemed to come. And now, here it was: he was being discharged tomorrow, and it felt like his world was about to shift in a way he wasn’t ready for. The truth was, he wasn’t ready to leave you behind, not without at least saying something.
In a panic, his mind scrambled for a reason, any reason, to delay his release. He didn’t care if it was silly or unreasonable. All he knew was that he couldn’t leave yet. Maybe he could convince them to keep him here for a little longer, maybe even longer than that. Anything to stall for time.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he said, his voice wavering for the first time in a long while. He paused, struggling to come up with the right words, but the silence only amplified the urgency in his mind. “I can’t walk with this…” His gaze fell heavily on his leg, his eyes momentarily losing focus as if the sight of it somehow made him feel even more trapped by his own hesitation. His leg was still wrapped in bandages, the healing process a reminder of the physical limitations that had left him stuck in the hospital for what felt like forever.
You stared at him for a moment, the weight of his words hanging in the air between you, before something inside you clicked. And then, it hit you: you knew exactly what he was trying to do. You couldn’t help it; a burst of laughter escaped your lips, light and carefree, as the absurdity of the moment struck you. The tension that had been building inside you melted away as you giggled, shaking your head in disbelief.
Levi’s eyes widened, a mix of confusion and annoyance flashing across his face. He hadn’t expected you to laugh, especially not at a time like this. “What?” he muttered, clearly not understanding why you were laughing at his predicament.
You managed to calm yourself down, though a few soft chuckles still slipped out. Wiping your eyes, you met his gaze again, your words carrying the remnants of your amusement. “Don’t worry about that,” you said, your voice light with affection, “we have a wheelchair for that.”
The realization hit him with a jolt, and he cursed inwardly. He had almost forgotten about the advances in Marley’s medical technology. In this world, they had more than just crutches or walkers—they had efficient, well-designed wheelchairs that would make his current condition nothing more than a slight inconvenience. That was his whole excuse, shattered in an instant.
Levi’s head dropped, and he exhaled a heavy sigh, trying to think of something else that could give him a little more time. But the truth was, there wasn’t much he could do to hold on any longer. He was trapped by his own thoughts, by the ticking clock and the weight of his unspoken feelings.
"I'll leave you to get some rest."
Your voice sliced through the haze of his thoughts like a soft breeze, stirring him from the swirling confusion in his mind. Levi’s heart skipped a beat at your words, his mouth opening slightly as if he had something important to say. He was about to call out to you, to ask you to stay just a little longer, to hold on to this fragile moment before you disappeared from his reach. But the words caught in his throat, and by the time he managed to look up, the door was already closing behind you. The soft click of it sealing shut was like the final nail in the coffin, the sound marking the moment when he knew he had missed his chance.
Damn it.
He let out a frustrated sigh, his shoulders slumping as he turned his head to rest against the pillow. His mind raced with all the things he should have said, all the things he had wanted to say, but now it was too late. He was left with nothing but the bitter taste of regret. Why had he hesitated? Why hadn’t he just told you?
As he closed his eyes, the thoughts continued to spiral through his mind like a never-ending storm. What would have happened if he had confessed how he truly felt? Would you have looked at him with surprise, maybe even a smile, and confessed that you felt the same way? Or would you have rejected him outright, laughed at the idea that someone like him could ever be worthy of your affection?
The thought stung, but as he considered it, Levi found himself dismissing it almost immediately. You were too kind, too understanding, to ever treat him that way. You wouldn’t laugh at him. You wouldn’t ridicule him. He couldn’t see you doing that. Yet still, doubt gnawed at him, eating away at the edges of his resolve. The uncertainty lingered in the air, the question unanswered, and it left a hollow feeling deep in his chest.
Levi tried to push the storm of thoughts away, as if somehow doing so would help him sleep. He shut his eyes tightly, willing himself to relax, to let go of the tension that had built up inside of him over the course of the day. But even as he breathed in, exhaling slowly, his mind refused to settle. The image of your smile, the sound of your laughter, and the unspoken words between you lingered in the quiet room.
What would have happened if he had taken the chance? Would everything be different now?
Before Levi knew it, the sun had risen, its golden rays filtering through the curtains and casting a soft glow across the room. He turned his head, squinting as the light hit his eyes. The warmth of it was almost too much, so he closed his eyes tightly and turned away, burying his face into the cool pillow. The light of the new day seemed to mock him, reminding him that time was slipping away. He hadn't slept a wink all night, the relentless swirl of thoughts keeping him awake as they so often did. But this time, the thoughts were different. This time, they were filled with the image of you—the pretty nurse who had become far too important to him over the past few months.
Today was likely the last time he’d see you.
The realization hit him like a weight, and it sunk deep into his chest. He hadn’t thought it would be so hard to say goodbye, but now that it was happening, the thought was almost unbearable. How many more times could he frown today? How many more times could he allow himself to be disappointed by his own inability to act? Levi felt a dull ache form in his heart as he turned away from the sun's light. There was nothing he could do about it now. You’d be gone from his life soon enough, and he would be left with nothing but memories and regret.
The soft sound of the door opening broke him from his spiral, and he didn’t even bother to turn his head. It was strange, really—this was probably the first time in a long while that he didn’t want to see you. He had grown accustomed to your presence, to the way your voice would brighten the sterile, dull atmosphere of the hospital. But now? Now, he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts, even if they were nothing but a tangle of regret and longing.
"Mr. Ackerman? Are you awake?"
Your voice was quiet, tentative, like you were trying not to disturb him, but it was impossible to ignore. Despite himself, he turned over in bed to face you, his eyes settling on your figure standing in the doorway. He let out a small, frustrated sigh, his gaze fixed on you. Might as well burn your image into his brain, because it seemed like that was the only way he’d be able to remember you after today.
Damn you. Damn you for worming your way so deeply into his life, making him feel things he never wanted to feel. For making him care. For making him think, even for a moment, that he could have something real.
Yet, even as the frustration swirled inside of him, Levi had to admit—he couldn't deny the truth. These past few months, with you by his side, had been strangely peaceful. The quiet moments spent together, the way you always seemed to understand what he needed without him ever having to say a word. Those months had given him a kind of comfort he didn’t know he could have, a sense of calm that had been sorely missing from his life for far too long.
But now, it is all about to end. And he hated it.
"We're nearly done," you said, your voice carrying the usual warmth, but to Levi, it felt like a distant echo. What a shame, he thought, the words almost tasting bitter on his tongue. You were finishing up, preparing him for the inevitable departure, and all he could do was watch you speak.
“Make sure to properly…” you continued, but his mind had already wandered. His eyes were fixed on your lips as you spoke, and despite himself, Levi couldn't help but wish that you’d kiss him. The thought of your lips against his, even just for a fleeting moment, consumed him, but he quickly pushed the longing away. It was pointless. You were leaving, and nothing could change that.
“...You understand?” You finished with a soft smile, your gaze expectant, waiting for his response.
“Of course.” The words slipped from his mouth, sharper than he intended, a little too cold, a little too distant. It didn’t matter, though. You didn’t seem to notice or, at least, didn’t seem to mind.
You gave a small nod before heading out of the room, leaving him to his thoughts. Levi barely registered the sound of your footsteps retreating, already lost in the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside him. He didn’t have enough time to miss you, though. You were back before he knew it, a wheelchair and some papers in hand, the small routine task pulling him out of his stupor.
He didn’t say a word when it was time to sign the papers, nor when you helped him into the wheelchair, the movements were automatic. His mind was elsewhere, still tangled in the mess of words he never said and feelings he couldn’t express. You noticed his silence but chose not to say anything. You had always seen Levi as someone who didn’t like talking about his feelings. It wasn’t in his nature to share, to be open, and you knew better than to push him.
You signed the papers without hesitation, before gently pushing the wheelchair out of the room. “A man named ‘Onyankopon’ is waiting for you. He’ll take you home,” you said, your voice soft but firm.
Levi didn’t respond with anything more than a dismissive “Tch.” He didn’t want to deal with this, didn’t want to think about the fact that you were finally leaving him behind. But you didn’t press him, and you didn’t try to pull more out of him. You simply continued on, guiding him through the sterile halls, knowing this would be the last time you’d see him like this.
The journey felt too short to Levi. Soon, he found himself at the entrance of his new house in Marley, the place that now felt both unfamiliar and too familiar all at once. The wheelchair came to a stop, and for a moment, he just stared at the door, almost as if he couldn’t believe he was really here. He didn’t have the words for the swell of emotions rising in his chest, nor did he know how to face the world outside, the world that seemed so different from the one you had made him feel safe in, even if just for a little while.
And as the door of his new home loomed before him, Levi couldn’t shake the thought of you, how you had been so close, yet so far away.
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Ever since leaving the hospital, Levi’s life felt dull and monotonous. The days bled into each other in a haze of silence, and the once driven and disciplined man seemed to have lost all will to move forward. He barely spoke to anyone, his communication limited to the barest essentials. Meals went untouched, the food left to spoil as he stared at it, unable to summon the energy or the motivation to eat. The bed had become his sanctuary and his prison, a place where he could escape, even if only momentarily, from the weight of his own thoughts.
He didn’t care to leave the confines of the room, his gaze fixed on the dull walls as if they could somehow provide the comfort he desperately sought. Even the mess around him, a stark contrast to the spotless surroundings he had once prided himself on, went unnoticed. Clothes were scattered around the room, some half-folded, others in crumpled piles. Dirty dishes sat abandoned on the side table. The place was a wreck, but Levi didn’t bat an eye at it. The clean freak who once took pride in maintaining order now found himself indifferent, the mess reflecting just how much this entire situation was weighing on him.
It was clear to anyone who knew him that this wasn’t just a temporary slump. This was something deeper, something more profound. His usual sharp edge, his resolve—everything that made Levi Ackerman the person he was—seemed to have faded. Instead, a hollow version of him lingered in the dim room, trapped in his own head.
Onyankopon, of course, had noticed the drastic change in Levi. The man was not one to ignore such things, and it had weighed heavily on his mind. He knew the raven-haired soldier well enough to see that something was off, and his concern only deepened with each passing day. The dark-skinned man had tried to engage Levi, tried to reach out, but the silence was always the same. He knocked on Levi’s door one more time, his fist gently tapping against the wood.
“Levi?” he called out, his voice soft but laced with concern. He waited for a response, but there was nothing—no movement, no sound. Just the heavy silence that seemed to have swallowed everything around the man.
Onyankopon let out a sigh, his worry growing. He stepped back and turned toward the living room, feeling the weight of the situation press down on him. He couldn’t just sit back and watch this happen. He had to do something. He thought for a moment, pondering what could be done to help the man who had once been so determined, so unyielding in his approach to everything.
And then, an idea hit him, almost like a flash of inspiration. He’d call you.
It wasn’t an easy decision. Onyankopon wasn’t sure how this would play out, but the more he thought about it, the clearer it became that you were the key to reaching Levi. Somehow, someway, he had come to understand that Levi must have liked you more than he let on. The day Levi was discharged from the hospital, the way he had stared at you with that look—an indescribable expression that conveyed longing, perhaps regret, and a silent plea. It had been a subtle thing, something most people might have missed, but Onyankopon had caught it. It wasn’t just that Levi was leaving the hospital; it was that he didn’t want to leave you.
He had never seen Levi like that before, and it troubled him. That quiet ache in the man's eyes, the yearning for something more, something he could no longer have. Maybe that was what was gnawing at him, pulling him into this abyss of isolation. Maybe that was what made him shut down completely.
Onyankopon couldn’t ignore it anymore. He needed to call you. If there was anyone who could help pull Levi out of this, it was you. And maybe, just maybe, you had a chance at healing the part of him that had been broken all along.
Onyankopon walked over to the phone with determination, his fingers hesitating only for a brief moment before he dialed your number. He had no time to waste; Levi needed help, and he knew you were the one person who might be able to reach him. The phone rang a few times before you picked up, your voice sounding a little surprised.
"Hello? How can I help you?"
Onyankopon took a deep breath, his voice serious as he spoke. "It’s about Levi. He’s not doing well—hasn’t been eating, barely talking, and he’s practically shut himself in. I’m worried about him, and I think you should come check on him. He might listen to you."
You paused for a moment, the concern clear in your voice as you processed his words. Levi. The usually strong and composed man who had, in the blink of an eye, become a shadow of his former self. It tugged at your heart to hear that he was struggling, but at the same time, you were cautious. You knew how grumpy and closed-off Levi could be, and you didn’t want to intrude on his personal space, especially when he had been so distant lately.
“I understand,” you replied carefully, a slight hesitation lingering in your tone. "But... are you sure he’ll be okay with me coming over? I don’t want to push him if he’s not ready to talk."
Onyankopon’s voice softened, understanding your apprehension. "I think it’s worth a try. He might need someone who knows him—someone who can get through to him. I think you’re that person."
You couldn’t deny the worry creeping up inside you, but there was something else too—a sense of duty. For the short time you’d known Levi, you had grown a soft spot for him. You had seen beyond his gruff exterior, glimpsing the man who, despite his stoic nature, had a quiet strength and a vulnerability that you found hard to ignore. You couldn’t let him continue like this, not if there was a chance you could help.
After a moment of silence, you made your decision. "Alright. I’ll come over."
The walk to his house was longer than you expected, each step carrying a mix of urgency and unease. The weight of the situation pressed on you with every passing minute. What would you find when you got there? Would he be angry? Would he shut you out completely? Or, perhaps, would he let you in, if only for a moment?
When you finally arrived at Levi’s house, you could see Onyankopon waiting outside, his expression a mixture of concern and frustration. The moment he saw you, his face softened, and he let out a sigh of relief.
“You made it,” he said, his voice quiet but grateful. "I’m glad you’re here. He’s not in a good state… I just don’t know how much longer he can keep this up."
You nodded in understanding, your heart aching at the thought of Levi’s isolation. You could feel the tension in the air around his house—it was thick, almost oppressive. Steeling yourself, you followed Onyankopon inside, knowing that whatever happened next, you had to be there for him. You just hoped Levi would let you in.
“He’s in his room,” Onyankopon said quietly, his tone heavy with concern. He gave you a small, knowing nod before retreating, leaving you alone with the task of approaching Levi. You couldn’t help but feel a little nervous as you made your way down the hallway. The weight of the situation lingered in the air like an invisible pressure, and with each step closer to his room, your heart began to beat a little faster. You didn’t know what you’d find on the other side of that door, but you hoped, somehow, that you could make a difference.
When you reached the door to his bedroom, you paused for a moment, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. You raised your hand and knocked softly, not wanting to startle him but hoping to get his attention.
“Mr. Ackerman?” You called out gently, your voice careful but filled with concern.
The silence that followed was deafening. You stood there for a moment, waiting for any kind of response, but there was nothing. Only the faint sound of bed sheets rustling from the other side of the door. It made your stomach tighten with uncertainty. Had he heard you? Was he ignoring you? Or had he simply chosen to stay in his isolation, shutting everyone out?
On the other side of the door, Levi was laying in bed, his mind lost in a haze of exhaustion and tangled thoughts. He hadn’t expected anyone to come today. After all, why would anyone want to visit him? He didn’t even want to deal with anyone, especially not now. The days had blurred together, each one indistinguishable from the last, and he had retreated even further into himself, away from the world that no longer seemed to make sense.
But then he heard your voice.
It was soft, tentative, but undeniably real. For a split second, he wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or if you were actually there. His mind raced as he lay still in his bed, his body frozen in place as he tried to process what he had just heard. He blinked a few times, trying to shake off the fog in his head. It had been days since anyone had spoken to him with such gentle care, and hearing you call his name caught him off guard.
Slowly, Levi sat up in bed, his movements stiff and sluggish, as if the weight of his own thoughts was pulling him back down. His gaze flickered toward the door, and he stared at it for a long moment, unsure whether to open it, to acknowledge you, or to remain hidden within the safety of his room.
He wasn’t sure if you were really there. He wasn’t sure if it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He had spent so much time in solitude that he had almost forgotten what it felt like to have someone show concern for him, to have someone reach out.
But the rustling sound of your footsteps on the other side of the door, the softness in your voice when you said his name—it all felt too real to ignore. Still, he hesitated. The last thing he wanted was to open up, to let someone in. But for some reason, he found himself wondering, just for a moment, what it would feel like if he did.
"Can I come in?" you asked gently, your voice filled with hope. The silence on the other side of the door seemed to stretch on, but after what felt like an eternity, Levi's voice broke through, low and quiet.
"Yeah... come in," he murmured, almost as if it took all his energy to give you that permission.
You slowly pushed the door open, stepping inside with careful steps, your heart heavy with concern. The moment you entered the room, your eyes widened at the sight before you. The usually meticulous and clean Levi had let his room fall into disarray. Clothes were strewn about, some piled up in corners, others half-removed from the hangers, as if he’d lost the will to care. The bed was unmade, with blankets thrown haphazardly across it. The room felt stifling, a reflection of the mess inside Levi's own mind.
“Oh dear…” you murmured, your voice soft, but the surprise was clear.
Levi, sitting on the edge of his bed, shifted his gaze away from you, a subtle flush creeping up his neck. His embarrassment was palpable.
"Sorry about the mess," he muttered, his voice weak and hoarse from the silence he had been surrounded by for days.
You shook your head, offering him a warm smile despite the mess. "It’s okay, we’ll take care of that." Your words were light and reassuring, meant to ease his mind, but you could see how much it affected him. Levi wasn’t used to letting things slide, not like this. It was clear that something deep inside him had been shaken, and as you looked around the room, you could feel the weight of it all pressing down on him.
In that moment, as you stood there, so gentle and understanding despite the chaos, Levi could have sworn his heart skipped a beat. The softness in your gaze, the way you didn’t judge him, made him feel vulnerable in a way he wasn’t prepared for. It was almost like he was falling in love all over again, despite himself. He had never realized how much he had come to rely on your kindness until now.
You didn't let the silence drag on, your thoughts already drifting back to what Onyankopon had told you. He’d mentioned that Levi hadn’t had a proper meal in days—maybe even longer. Right now, he was a broken man, too tired to even care about basic things like eating.
“I’ll get you something to eat,” you said, your tone more resolute now, as if you had made it your mission to make sure he didn’t continue to suffer in silence.
Levi didn’t respond at first. He just nodded weakly, his exhaustion and emotional turmoil evident in the slight droop of his shoulders. A simple nod was all he could muster, but it was enough for you to understand that he needed help.
You left him alone in his room and made your way to the kitchen. The sound of the kettle whistling, the gentle stirring of ingredients, and the soft hum of the kitchen as you prepared his meal brought a sense of purpose back to you. You focused on the task at hand, but your mind kept drifting back to him—wondering if he’d be okay.
You made a small, simple meal—nothing too fancy, but hearty enough to give him some strength. Along with it, you brewed a pot of tea, knowing exactly how he liked it. Strong, just the right amount of bitterness, and a touch of honey.
With the meal and tea prepared, you walked back into his room, the soft clink of the tray in your hands filling the space as you approached him. Levi was sitting on the edge of the bed, his gaze distant, but when you entered, he turned toward you, his eyes softening just slightly at the sight of the food and drink you brought him. You set the tray down on the small table next to his bed and handed him the tea first.
"Thank you," he muttered, his voice still quiet but carrying a note of gratitude that warmed your heart. It was the first time you had heard any emotion in his words for days.
"You're welcome," you replied, your smile small but sincere as you watched him take the tea from your hands.
Levi took a long sip, the warmth of the tea seeping into his tired body. He closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the familiar taste. “No one makes tea like you,” he said softly between sips. The words felt heavy with more than just appreciation.
You smiled at that, a chuckle escaping your lips. “Glad you missed me. I was lonely without your grumpiness.” Your words were light, teasing, but the undercurrent of affection was there, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, you saw the faintest of smiles tug at the corners of Levi’s lips.
He took another sip of the tea, then picked at the food, eating in small bites, almost as if he hadn’t realized how hungry he was until now. The room was quiet, save for the soft sound of him eating and the occasional sip of tea, but it was a peaceful silence. The tension that had once filled the room, the heaviness in his posture, seemed to ease just a little with each bite and each sip.
You stood nearby, watching him carefully as he finally ate the meal you prepared for him, his movements slow but deliberate. It was a small victory, but it felt significant.
As Levi slowly finished the meal you had prepared, you took the opportunity to begin tidying up his room. The dishes were simple enough to clean, but it gave you a moment to organize the rest of the room as well. During your time with him, you had come to understand just how much Levi appreciated a clean, organized space. It was something that had become second nature to him over the years, and yet, now, he seemed almost incapable of maintaining it on his own, weighed down by his emotions and exhaustion.
You moved silently through the room, picking up clothes that were left in disarray and making the bed with careful precision. All the while, you could feel Levi's gaze on you. His dark eyes followed your every movement, tracing your figure as you worked. Though he didn't say anything, the way he looked at you made your heart skip a beat. It was hard to ignore the warmth in his eyes, the unspoken gratitude there, even as he stayed quiet.
Once the room was cleaned and everything was in its place, you returned to his side, helping him sit up in bed, your hands gentle and steady as you supported him. “Do you want help bathing?” you asked softly, your voice tentative. You knew how fiercely independent Levi could be, and if it had been anyone else, he likely would have dismissed the offer immediately. But this time, there was something in his eyes, a silent longing for care that made him hesitate.
He didn’t trust his voice, the words stuck in his throat, so he simply nodded. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes. He trusted you, even in this vulnerable moment, and it meant more to you than you could express.
You helped him stand up carefully, supporting him as you led him to the bathroom. As you set to work drawing a warm bath for him, Levi stood in the corner, peeling off his clothes slowly. There was an awkwardness to his movements, but you could tell he wasn’t trying to be distant. He just didn’t know how to navigate this situation, and you couldn’t blame him for that. He was used to being strong, self-sufficient, and here you were, taking care of him in ways he hadn't allowed anyone to before.
Once the tub was full, you adjusted the water’s temperature, testing it with your hand before turning to him. Levi slowly lowered himself in the water. You could see that he was already relaxed, his shoulders less tense as the warmth of the bath surrounded him. You grabbed a rag and soap, pausing for a moment to make sure everything was ready before beginning. "You don't mind, right? Tell me to stop if you feel uncomfortable," you reassured him, your voice soft and gentle, ensuring he knew he had control over the situation.
Levi closed his eyes, leaning back slightly against the edge of the tub as he sank into the warm water. He let out a small sigh of relief as the heat melted some of the tension in his muscles. For a moment, he just allowed himself to relax, and he realized that he didn’t feel uncomfortable with you at all. Embarrassed, yes—his pride as a soldier was a difficult thing to overcome—but uncomfortable? No. Not with you.
Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling of vulnerability that washed over him as you moved closer, the soft lather of the soap in your hands. You had been taking care of him in so many ways already, and now this—washing him, helping him like this—was something he never would have imagined himself allowing anyone to do. But with you, it felt different. The embarrassment was there, lingering in the back of his mind, but it didn’t matter. He didn't want you to stop. He couldn’t bring himself to ask you to, even if a small part of him wished that he could keep his distance.
When you confirmed that he was fine, you began to wash him. Your touch was careful and thorough, the rag gentle as it scrubbed across his skin. You focused on his upper body, being mindful not to invade his personal space too much, but your touch was soothing nonetheless. You could feel the tension in his body start to melt away as you moved, your presence a quiet reassurance that made him feel safe. You made sure to clean every inch of his upper body, your movements slow and deliberate, giving him time to adjust to each step. You didn't rush, knowing that this act of care was something he wasn’t used to, and you wanted him to feel comfortable.
Once you had finished, you carefully patted him down with a soft towel, drying his skin as gently as you could. Then you wrapped the towel around him, securing it around his waist, and helped him out of the bath. His movements were slow, but with your support, he was steady. You led him back to his bedroom, where you sat him on the edge of his bed.
Levi didn’t speak as you helped him dress, but you could see the faint appreciation in his eyes, a silent acknowledgment that he trusted you, that he was grateful. You dressed him carefully, making sure everything was in place, then moved to dry his hair. You ran a towel through his dark hair, the damp strands slipping between your fingers as you gently worked to remove the moisture.
When you finished, you stepped back and looked at him for a moment. He looked different, more like himself, and though there was still a sadness in his eyes, there was also a hint of something more. Maybe it was hope, or maybe it was just the relief of being cared for after so long. Either way, it felt like a small step forward.
Levi looked more alive now, his posture a little straighter, his expression less burdened than when you first arrived. The peacefulness that seemed to have eluded him for days was finally settling into his features, and it brought a small sense of relief to you.
Levi finally looked up at you, his voice low but sincere. "Thank you," he said, his words carrying more weight than usual. It wasn’t just for the bath or the food—it was for everything you had done, for everything you had been for him in this moment of weakness. And despite the overwhelming emotions swirling inside him, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything more. But his eyes spoke volumes, and you understood.
You stood by his side, your arms crossed in a playful but firm manner, watching him as he sat up in bed, his dark eyes now clearer, his fatigue somewhat lifted. “You should really take better care of yourself, Mr. Ackerman,” you chided him gently, a hint of concern still lingering in your voice. He needed to hear it—needed someone to remind him that he mattered, that his well-being mattered.
Levi simply sighed, tilting his head back against the pillow. "Levi," he corrected you, his tone almost too casual, though you could sense the irritation beneath the surface. He wasn't one for too much care or attention, preferring to handle things on his own.
“Huh?” You blinked, surprised at his sudden insistence.
“Tch… calling me Levi," he repeated with a quiet growl, though there was no true malice in his words, just a touch of annoyance. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to be treated like some fragile thing, or perhaps it was his stubborn nature refusing to show too much vulnerability.
You couldn’t help but smile at his tone. It was the familiar, grumpy Levi you knew and had grown to care for. “Okay, Levi,” you said, your voice light and teasing as his name rolled off your tongue with an ease that felt more natural than it should have.
Levi’s eyes flickered slightly, an unspoken reaction at the way you said his name. It was something about the way it sounded when it came from your lips, like it held more weight, more warmth than anyone else’s. He felt a small flutter in his chest, but he quickly brushed it aside, annoyed at himself for letting something so insignificant affect him.
The two of you fell into a comfortable silence after that, a soft conversation flowing between you, easy and natural. Time seemed to slip by unnoticed as you talked, the rhythm of your words settling a peaceful air in the room. For the first time in a long time, Levi felt like he could breathe, like there was no urgency, no pressing battle to face—just the quiet presence of someone who cared for him.
But as the night wore on, you glanced at the clock, and your heart sank just a little. It was time to leave. You stood up slowly, gathering your things, and the moment you began moving toward the door, Levi’s gaze followed you, his expression softening. He didn’t want you to leave, and he wasn’t sure why. He wanted to spend more time with you, but he didn’t know how to ask for it.
You paused at the door, your hand resting on the knob, and before you could say anything, there was a brief, unexpected sensation—a light kiss pressed to his cheek. It was gentle, sweet, and fleeting, but it lingered in the air, making Levi’s heart skip a beat. His face immediately flushed, his breath catching in his throat. He turned his face away, hoping you wouldn’t notice the heat on his cheeks.
“Goodnight, Levi,” you said softly, your voice full of warmth. “I’ll check on you soon.” Your words were a promise, a reassurance that you would be there again.
Levi mumbled a quiet, almost embarrassed, “Goodnight,” his voice tinged with something he couldn’t quite name. He watched as you left the room, the door clicking shut behind you with a finality that left him feeling a bit emptier than before.
But as he sat there, the smallest of smiles tugged at the corners of his lips. It wasn’t big or dramatic, just a soft curve that made his eyes brighten, albeit slightly. A feeling lingered in his chest—something warm, something he hadn’t quite allowed himself to feel in a long time. He couldn’t wait for the next time.
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© 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝟭𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘆 — 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗏𝖾𝖽. 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗍, 𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗌𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖾, 𝗈𝗋 𝗆𝗈𝖽𝗂𝖿𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗒 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗌.
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ange1heavensent · 5 months ago
Text
Walk You Home
:。.。:+* ゚ ゜゚ *+:。.。:+* ゚ ゜゚ *+:。.。.。:+*゚ ゜゚ *+:。.。:
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Pairing: college!Abby x fem!reader
Content Warning: vomiting
w/c: ≈ 1800
:。.。:+* ゚ ゜゚ *+:。.。:+* ゚ ゜゚ *+:。.。.。:+*゚ ゜゚ *+:。.。:
The air was stuffy as you walked through the living room, which was now transformed into a dance floor. People were bumping into you, but it did not matter, all you needed was to pee, which was not surprising after the amount of drinks, shots and sips from other peoples beer you’ve consumed. It was your third, maybe fourth?, trip to the bathroom, but this time your friend did not accompany you, because of some conversation with a guy, who was speaking alarmingly close to her face. As you trudged to the sea of people, you found your light at the end of the tunnel, the bathroom door. Luckily or, unluckily, for you there was only one person standing in line in front of the bathroom door.  
-
Abby breathed out a sigh as she stood leaning against the wall opposite the bathroom door, she had stood there for what felt like an eternity, for what was supposed to be a quick trip to the bathroom before leaving the house party. The fucker that was taking their sweet time on the toilet was going to get an earful, for making her stay in what she would call hell on earth for even a second longer. She wasn’t the biggest fan of house parties, the reason being the people, drunk frat guys and sorority girls slobbering on each other in every corner, people half passed out on the couch, way too early into the night and people not being able to behave in general. She much more preferred sitting with her friends around a table at a bar, rather than screaming in each other's ears over awful music.  
As she was leaning her head against the wall behind her, contemplating walking out, lose her last ounce of dignity and just pee behind the nearest bush. She felt someone grab on to her hands. She looked at you, a little bewildered, before you slurred out, “Hi, I'm so sorry, but can I please go to the toilet before you, please” You squeezed her hands to accentuate the urgency. Abby looked into your pleading eyes and released a sigh, she would be an asshole to say no to you, but she did herself also need to pee. You saw the reluctance on her face and added “I really really need to go to the toilet, I am going piss myself any second, please.” You said this with a chuckle, because of the absurdity of the situation, practically begging some stranger to let you cut in line to the toilet. Abby herself let out a chuckle and noticed that you hadn’t let go of her hands, she sighed out an “okay” you gave her hands another squeeze, smiled big and said a “thank you” in return. 
Abby didn’t know why she had said yes, however if she were to be honest, it was because you looked so goddamn beautiful, your eyes, your smile and especially how good you looked in that little black dress you were wearing. She was already missing your soft hands in hers, as you released your grip, turned around and walked, more like stumbled, to the bathroom door and knocking your fist on it. You yelled out a “Can you please hurry up!” before retreating to stand in front of the opposite wall facing Abby, with your arms crossed over your chest, mimicking Abby’s stance. 
You looked at her smiling and couldn’t help but to blush, Abby noticed and smiled back at you. If the situation wasn’t dire, you would have tried to flirt with her, start to compliment her outfit, then her hair, her eyes and of course her muscles. But now all you could do was focus on not peeing yourself in front of her. The flirting could wait. 
-
Abby saw your demeanour change from giving her flirty glances and smiles to a serious expression, eyebrows knitting together and heavy breathing. “What’s wrong?” she asked, you muttered “I think I’m gonna throw up.” Abby sprung into action, making her way across the small hallway, her fist knocking hard against the wood, from your perspective it looked like she was going to punch a hole through the door. She yelled “Hey, you better come out, someone needs to throw up” and continued her banging on the door. It only took seconds before the door unlocked and a couple clumsily walking out of it. You sprinted to the toilet, got down on your knees, and vomited into the toilet bowl. Abby was immediately behind you, after closing and locking the door, and grabbed your hair and held it. After a couple of minutes, you laid your head on your arm against the toilet seat. Abby stroked your back, which she had done through all of it, and asked softly “Are you okay?” with a weak “yeah” you answered her. Abby helped you to stand up, you walked to the sink to rinse your mouth as she flushed the toilet. 
“Is it alright if I pee?” Abby said, making sure that you're okay with her going first. “Yes, of course,” you said while trying to remove the mascara smudges under your eyes and Abby was a little surprised that you didn’t leave the bathroom. When Abby was finished, flushed the toilet and took a stand beside you to wash her hands, you yourself went to relieve your bladder. “Do you want me to get you an Uber or something?” Abby asked you when you were sitting on the toilet, she of course didn’t look in your direction. “No, I don’t want to risk throwing up in someone's car,” you answered. “Do you live far away from here?” Abby asked, “kinda” you answered, “How long of a walk?” “45 minutes maybe” you answered her. You were now by the sink washing your hands, with Abby standing beside you. “Let me walk you home then.” Abby said with a smile. “You don’t have to do that,” you told her, but she retaliated with “How will you get home then?” You just shrugged your shoulders, she continued with “I really don't mind, I promise. I just want to make sure you’re getting home safe.” “You sure you don't mind?” you questioned, “I am sure” Abby said with a smile. 
The two of you now stood outside of the house, after retrieving your jackets from a small bedroom where they laid in a pile on the bed, and then having to elbow your way out of the house. You had just sent a text to your friend saying that you were going home and were now typing in your address into Abby’s phone. When you were done Abby looked at her phone and then started walking the route that her phone told her to go. You had your arm wrapped around her bicep for stability, no other reason. The two of you had made it a couple of metres before you looked at her and said “You're walking me home, but I don’t even know your name” Abby chuckled, when she realised that in all of the chaos of the night the two of you hadn’t mentioned your names. Abby put away her phone and reached out with her right hand inviting you to shake her hand, “I’m Abby, nice to meet you” she said with a smile, you giggled at her antics finding her very cute at the moment, before you released your grip on her bicep and shook her hand “It’s very nice to meet you Abby, I’m Y/n.” You mirrored the smile on her face, which you couldn’t get rid of even if you tried to. 
For the rest of your 45 minute walk you and Abby talked about anything that came up in your inebriated mind. First the basics, like what the two of you were studying, your respective future careers, hobbies and what not. Abby was just enabling your continued drunken thoughts and questions about her. She found you quite amusing in the way you rambled about different topics. She also found you charming in the way you manage to slip in some flirty remarks about her, while still slurring on your words. As the walk continued however, your words became more clear and you regained your balance and towards the end of it you started to feel fine, having sobered up in the cool air of the night. 
At the end of your route, the two of you stood outside the entrance to your dorm building. Either of you wanting the night to end. You went to hug Abby, which she reciprocated opening up her big arms which you then became enveloped in, while in the hug you asked her “How are you getting yourself home, Abby?” “I’ll just get an Uber,” she answered. You nodded at her as you stepped out of the hug, holding onto her hands, the two of you in the same position which you had started the night. “You could come up to my room, while waiting for it,” you suggested, while lightly swinging her hands and gleaming at her. She let out a chuckle, but her facial expression turned sincere, she softly said “I don't think that's a good idea.” You took a small step back. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just assumed you were-” you started, but she cut you off, “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just don’t think we should, given the state you're in,” she said genuinely. 
You gave her a smile, and went in for a second hug, which she again reciprocated, you again spoke in the hug “Let me give you my number, so I can make sure you get home safe.” Abby looked at you and plastered on your face was a smirk. “Of course,” she answered, handing over her phone, she wasn’t going to let something like this just pass her by. When you were finished typing your phone number into her phone, you handed it back and said “I’ll see you around then.” Before walking off, you pressed a kiss onto Abby’s cheek and then all she saw was the back of you making your way to the door. She quickly saved your number as a contact, before turning back to look at you. You were now turned towards her at the entrance door and you gave her a little wave, she waved back and you stepped through the door and let it close behind you. Abby smiled to herself when she booked the Uber.
When you woke up the next morning with a dry mouth and a headache, you tapped the screen of your phone and saw a new text message.
+1 (564) 000-0000
Made it home safe :) Let’s grab a coffee sometime - Abby
:。.。:+* ゚ ゜゚ *+:。.。:+* ゚ ゜゚ *+:。.。.。:+*゚ ゜゚ *+:。.。:
Thank you for reading! If you liked this fic, check out my masterlist for more :)
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pixiefelixie · 1 year ago
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hurt people hurt people
pairing — idolbf!felix x f!reader; established relationship
word count — 3.4k words
warnings — she/her reader, hurt/comfort, argument between reader and felix, angst, fluff, happy ending, cursing, felix just wants to hold someone again, members are kind of mean but i promise it's not targeted against them :(
summary — after his experiences, he learnt one thing. they'll only like him better if he's not himself. he thought you were one of them so he acted different around you too, but really, he just ended up hurting you how he was hurt.
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Felix has always been known to be the most cuddly member in Stray Kids. Taking the opportunity whenever he could, he would leap onto his fellow members, catching them off guard while they were busy with something. However, it was no secret that, more often than not, these moments were mostly for his own comfort.
Despite his genuine intentions, there were times when some of his members found it hard to reciprocate the clinginess. During down times, they preferred to be alone to gather their thoughts, yet Felix always found comfort in hugs to help.
"You've got to ease up a bit, Felix. Clinging to people like glue is starting to become annoying," one of his members once told him.
After this conversation, it seemed like the rest of the members started gaining the confidence to express their feelings about Felix's behaviour, resulting them to distance themselves whenever he tried to initiate contact. Although Felix understood their perspective, it still stung. All the times they hugged him back or told him he made them feel better with his cuddles. It was like everything was insincere. 
Felix decided to change. He never did anything more than a high five, and during late-night drives from shows, he tried his best not to fall asleep on his members to avoid annoying them. Gradually, he noticed a change in his members' behaviour—they began liking him more, including him in conversations without the need for him to include himself.
Feeling a sense of inclusion, Felix decided that was how it should stay. He realized that keeping it this way could make people like him more. And just like that, he became the least cuddly member.
When you came into his life, he was met with an exact copy of his old self. Whenever he was on a call or doing work, you always found the need to pounce onto him and nestle yourself into him. He has gotten used to not having to be affectionate his people so it was weird to see someone who actually initiated contact first for once. This led him to being slightly distant from you.
"Felix!" you called from the bathroom.
"Yea? You okay?" he responded from the bedroom nearby.
"Could you grab me a towel?" you requested.
You heard him rise from the bed, making his way to the closet for a bath towel. As he approached, you shivered in the cold air, a stark contrast to the warm shower you had just enjoyed. He extended the towel toward you, his attention fully focused on the phone in his hand.
"Thanks, Lix," you said, offering a smile.
"Yeah," he replied, still glancing away.
After Felix headed to the room first, claiming his usual spot on the bed, you decided to indulge in your nighttime skincare routine. The soft glow from the bathroom light illuminated your face as you moisturized, then moved to the dresser to brush your hair. With your hair now smooth and untangled, you turned off the bathroom light and left the bathroom.
As you made your way to the bed, you noticed Felix lying there, scrolling through his phone. Quietly, you leaned over and switched off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness. Felix, still buried in his phone, didn't notice your approach until you leaped onto the bed and sprawled out beside him. You propped yourself up on your elbow, peeking at his screen with a mischievous glint in your eye.
"Whatcha doin'?" you inquired, your voice playful.
Felix, startled by your sudden intrusion, glanced at you and smiled. "Just some stuff for work. What's up?"
You scooted closer, ignoring the amused yet puzzled look he gave you. "Nothing much. Just wondering why my boyfriend is so engrossed in his phone when he has someone as interesting as me right here."
"You're always interesting, Y/n. I just got caught up in some messages."
You grinned, appreciating his response. "Fair enough. But you know, you can put that down for a while." With that, you snatched his phone, earning a gasp from Felix.
"Hey!" He took it back from you.
You chuckled and leaned in, resting your head on his shoulder. "I just did my skincare, and my skin is feeling so soft. Wanna feel?"
Felix raised an eyebrow, fake disgust on his face. "Do I?" he repeated, his tone teasing.
You reached for his hand and guided it to your cheek. "Feel it. I used that fancy moisturizer you got me."
Felix hesitated for a moment, then ran his fingers over your skin. "Hmm, not bad," he admitted, a faint smile playing on his lips.
Despite Felix's initial engagement in your conversation, you felt him subtly shifting his attention back to his phone. However, this time, instead of feeling a sense of rejection, you decided to playfully address it.
"Alright, Mr. Busy, I see how it is," you rolled your eyes.
Felix looked up, a sheepish smile on his face. "Sorry, babe. Emails keep coming in."
You rolled your eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah. I know your phone is practically glued to your hand. Do you even love me anymore?" you said dramatically.
"Of course I love you." His eyes swiftly looked at you then back at his phone.
You grinned, satisfied with his response. "Good, because I happen to love you too, even if you always act like your scared of me or something whenever I touch you."
Felix's expression shifted slightly, and you couldn't help but notice a hint of hurt in his eyes as they slowly gazed at you. It dawned on you that your playful remark might have struck a chord. You quickly backtracked, realizing that your attempt at humor might have unintentionally crossed a line.
"Well, not that it's bad or anything" you spoke quickly.
The room fell into an awkward silence, and you could feel the tension lingering in the air. Desperate to diffuse the situation, you attempted to switch the topic, rambling on about the colors gold and silver and how they complemented Felix's style.
You reach out to the necklace and fiddle with it between your fingers. "Oh by the way, Felix, I was thinking, do you think gold or silver looks better on you? I mean, you always wear those silver earrings, but gold has this warm tone that might suit you too. Not that silver doesn't look amazing, it does, but have you ever tried gold?"
Your words seemed to hang in the air, met with only silence from Felix. He kept his gaze fixed on the phone, fingers tapping away, seemingly lost in the messages or emails that occupied his attention.
"Or maybe a combination of both could work? Like, a subtle mix of gold and silver accessories. You know, they say mixing metals is a fashion statement. What do you think? Felix?"
Again, no response. Your attempt at a one-sided conversation continued, the one-sidedness becoming increasingly apparent.
"I mean, you always look good in anything, so I guess it doesn't really matter. But it's just a thought, you know? I was just thinking about how your style could evolve. Not that it needs to change! You're perfect just the way you are, but you know, I just thought..."
"Y/n, can you stop?" Felix's voice cut through the silence, and you lifted your head from his chest to meet his gaze. 
Confusion etched across your face as you asked, "What?"
Felix looked at you, his expression a mix of frustration and contemplation. For a moment, he hesitated, as if debating whether to voice the thoughts that lingered in his mind. Finally, he spoke, "This... all of this. Can't we just have a quiet moment without you sticking to me or talking this much?"
Your brows furrowed, caught off guard by his sudden request. "Is this because of what I said? If it was I'm sorry."
Felix's eyes flickered with a mixture of annoyance and something else you couldn't quite decipher. "It's not just about what you said. It's about the constant need for attention. I can't even have a moment to myself without you clinging onto me."
You recoiled slightly, hurt evident in your eyes. "I just wanted to spend time with you."
"You're suffocating me," he retorted, his tone sharper than before.
"Suffocating? Felix, we're in a relationship. Couples spend time together. I thought that's what we were doing," you defended.
He sighed, frustration evident in his voice. "There's spending time together, and then there's this constant need for validation. I can't even check my messages without you turning it into a drama."
You felt a knot forming in your stomach, a mix of confusion and hurt. "I never meant to. I just wanted to be close to you. What's so wrong about that?"
Felix sat up, his eyes locking onto yours. "Because it's too much! Can't you see that? I need space, Y/n. I can't be your source of constant entertainment."
The tension in the room escalated, and you could feel the weight of his words settling in. "I didn't think wanting to be close to my boyfriend was asking for too much," you muttered, more to yourself than to him.
Unknown to you, in his mind, Felix was wrestling with the contrast between your actions and his past self.
If I was always like this with the members, what must they have felt? Or did they just tolerate it to spare my feelings? he thought. Maybe they needed space, just like I do now. But I never gave it to them. I never thought about how they felt. All the times I thought I was comforting them was just me comforting myself.
As these thoughts swirled in his mind, he looked back at you.
Felix's frustration grew, evident in the way he raked a hand through his hair. "I need time for myself, and I thought you'd understand that."
"I do understand, Felix," you replied, your voice quivering.
He shook his head, the frustration in his eyes deepening. "No, you don't, Y/n. You never understand."
The words hung in the air, a heavy silence settling between you. It felt like a punch to the gut, the realization that the person you loved needed something you couldn't provide at that moment.
He sighed, a mix of regret and frustration in his eyes. "We all need to compromise in a relationship. It can't always be about what one person wants."
It can't always be what one person wants. That was something I should've kept in mind all those years of being a fuckin annoying ass.
"I'm not asking for much, just a little affection," you said, your voice pleading.
Felix shook his head, frustration evident in his expression. "It's not about affection, it's about balance. And right now, it feels like there's no balance."
The argument hung in the air, and you could see the emotional exhaustion on Felix's face. It was clear that, in his attempt to avoid the clinginess he experienced with his past self, he swung too far in the opposite direction.
You sat in silence for a moment, the weight of his words sinking in. "So, what now?" you finally asked, your voice small.
Felix ran a hand through his hair, looking conflicted. "I don't know, Y/n. Maybe we need some time to figure things out. I just need space right now. I think it would be best for both of us."
Tears welled up in your eyes as Felix's words echoed in the dimly lit room. The air felt heavy with unspoken tension, and you struggled to find the right words to convey the hurt that was gnawing at your heart.
"I'm sorry, Felix," you whispered, your voice shaky. "I didn't mean to make you feel suffocated."
Felix sighed, his expression softening slightly at the sound of your remorse. "Y/n, I need to figure things out too. We both do."
You nodded, a mixture of sadness and understanding in your eyes. "I get it."
As you spoke, a single tear trickled down your cheek, and you hastily wiped it away. The vulnerability of the moment weighed on you, making it difficult to maintain composure.
"I never wanted to be a burden, Felix," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry."
Without another word, you got up from the bed, leaving the room in a quiet haste. As you closed the door behind you, you leaned against it, taking a moment to collect yourself. The weight of uncertainty lingered in the air, and you couldn't shake the feeling of doubt that crept into your mind. It stung. All the times he hugged you back or told you that you made him feel better by simply cuddling him. It was like everything was fake.
As you reached a more secluded part of the apartment, you sank onto the floor, your emotions finally overwhelming you. Tears streamed down your face, and you cradled your face in your hands, grappling with the ache of a love that seemed to be slipping away. 
The thing that hurt the most was how you were so blind to his feelings? The moments when he pulled away or tensed up, you brushed them aside, thinking he was just having a bad day or was in a strange mood. Now, it became painfully clear that you had been disregarding his boundaries, forcing him into a role he wasn't comfortable playing.
As you sat alone in the dimly lit living room, the guilt twisted your insides. How could you have been so blind and selfish? Your attempts to draw him closer were, in reality, pushing him further away. You always thought whenever he would push away from you or ignore your affection, he was just trying to joke around. The thought of him feeling uncomfortable with you became a bitter pill to swallow.
You wondered if he had ever truly enjoyed those moments or if he had only tolerated them to avoid hurting your feelings. The pain of realizing that your actions might have caused him discomfort gnawed at you, and you felt a sinking sensation in your chest.
The apartment was enveloped in a heavy silence, broken only by the soft sobs that escaped your lips. Unbeknownst to you, Felix had eventually decided to leave the bedroom, and as he walked down the hallway, he heard the muffled sound of your tears. His heart sank, guilt gnawing at him for the pain he had unintentionally caused.
As he approached the dimly lit living room, he found you huddled on the floor, your shoulders trembling with each stifled sob. Felix hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to approach the situation. The weight of his own realizations bore down on him, and he felt an overwhelming urge to be there for you.
He silently sat down beside you, leaving a respectful distance, yet close enough to offer comfort. His eyes softened as he watched you wipe away tears, and a pang of regret tightened his chest.
Felix sighed, his gaze fixed on the floor. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
There was a moment of uneasy silence before you spoke again, your voice filled with vulnerability. "Why did you fake everything, Felix. Everything you ever reciprocated was fake." You knew you were more mad at yourself than him. "You made me think you liked everything I did."
"Y/n, it wasn't fake" he mumbled.
"Stop lying, Felix." you blew your nose, "You know what? It's fine. From now on just tell me what you want me to do. I'll do it. I can stop being clingy and stop asking so many questions. You can tell me when to come over or not. I'll change anything, I just want you to like me."
His breath hitched. You thinking exactly how he did at the time. Wanting to change himself simply for another person's validation. That is how he ended up like he is now and he brought that pain onto you.
"Y/n, never change yourself, " He said, almost like a threat, while turning to you with tears brimming his eyes.
"But you don't even like me for who I am," you sobbed.
Felix ran a hand through his hair, a conflicted expression on his face. "I do, Y/n. So so much. But you started reminding me of-" He paused for a sigh, "Me. and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."
His words hung in the air, and you felt a pang of confusion.
"Huh?" you asked softly, while blowing your nose.
Felix looked away, his voice carrying a hint of sorrow. "A year ago, I was all touchy, too. But then I noticed that they liked me better when I was less clingy. I didn't want to repeat the same mistakes, so I tried to be different with you."
The weight of his confession lingered in the room, and you felt a deep sense of understanding wash over you.
However, you inquired, "Who's 'they'"
"My members, friends, everyone. They all thought I was too much. I didn't want that for you."
"But I don't want you to be different, Felix," you admitted, your voice trembling. "I just want to be close to you."
Felix turned to you, his eyes glistening. "I want that too, Y/n. All I ever wanted to do is just lay in your arms and tell you about my day and just fall asleep. But I'm scared that I'd make you feel uncomfortable."
His words hung in the air, and you could feel the raw honesty behind them. The realization that Felix had been holding back his true self for fear of repeating past mistakes tugged at your heart.
"I didn't know," you whispered, your voice filled with regret. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Y/n," he shook his head, indicating that it's not your fault. "I don't think you know that back then, I could get way more clingy than you are now." Felix chuckled.
"That's impossible," you replied as Felix shook his head.
Felix sighed, a mixture of sadness and relief in his eyes. "I'll need to figure myself out cause I don't want to lose what we have" He reached out, gently wiping away a stray tear from your cheek.
As Felix's touch lingered on your cheek, you looked into his eyes, finding a glimmer of hope amidst the emotional turmoil. "Felix, maybe… maybe you should talk to your members about this. I'm sure they don't feel the way you think they do. They might understand and help you."
Felix hesitated, his gaze dropping for a moment before meeting yours again. "I don't know."
You nodded, understanding the complexity of his feelings. "I get that, but I also know they care about you."
Felix sighed, the weight of the situation evident in his expression. "I'll think about it, but for now, I need some time to reflect on everything."
"Take all the time you need, Felix. I'll be here when you're ready to talk," you assured him, your voice filled with sincerity.
"Thank you for understanding, Y/n. I appreciate it more than you know."
The two of you sat in the quiet living room, wrapped in a shared sense of vulnerability. The air felt lighter, the unspoken tension dissipating, and you couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope for the future.
In the following days, Felix did indeed take some time to reflect on his feelings and the dynamics within the relationship. The idea of talking to his members about it lingered in the back of his mind, and eventually, he mustered the courage to bring it up during a group discussion.
As Felix shared his thoughts and concerns, his members listened attentively, offering support and reassurance. To his surprise, they not only understood but also shared their own experiences of finding a balance between personal space and closeness within the group.
Hyunjin, in particular, spoke up, "Felix, how are fucking stupid! Now I feel so bad! You being all mean doesn't change how much we care about you."
Felix felt a sense of relief wash over him, realizing that his fears of being a burden or misunderstood were unfounded.
With this newfound clarity and the support of both you and his members, Felix started to find a love for being affectionate again. It wasn't an instant transformation, but gradual adjustments and open communication allowed him to overcome his insecurities.
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"Felix?"
"Yes, babe!"
"Can you get me a towel?"
He entered the bathroom with a white towel in hand, his attention tethered to his phone. Nonchalantly placing the device on the sink counter, he fixed his gaze on you. A sly grin danced on his lips as he boldly looked at you from head to toe. With an assertive move, he opened up the bath towel, enveloping you with it by pulling you into an unexpectedly intense hug that left no room for escape.
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bxtchycaprisun · 1 year ago
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let it be me | a. anderson ONE-SHOT
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summary: you’d been avoiding your best friend for weeks, and she was determined to figure out what was wrong. she never would have guessed your absence was due to your repressed romantic feelings, which she also happened to share.
notes: fem!reader, bsf!abby, softdom!abby, porn w/ a plot, mutual pining, friends to lovers, angst but in a fluffy way, SMUT, fingering (both receiving), pussy eating (r!receiving), thigh riding, dirty talk, lots of pet names, i think that’s it? 
a/n: i know this isn’t obstinate, but it’s wlw season and i’m WOMANLESS, so i needed to write some smut.
MDNI!!! sexual content. comment if you want to be added to my tag list
(named after the ray lamontagne song)
you and abby never fought.
attached at the hip from the start of elementary school, the two of you were never seen without each other. and as new friend groups came and left, you and abby always stayed inseparable.
you were so close that she’d even followed you out of state to your dream university after you’d graduated high school.
despite the feelings that emerged in your early teen years when abby had grown taller, and the impact of her various high school sports was clear on her toned arms, you never dared to express your changing perspective of her.
other than some consistent cuddling most friends would consider crossing a boundary, the lines of your friendship never thought to cross between platonic and romantic. you figured that if she were to ever return your feelings, she would have by now.
and even though you two were only friends, in a way, she was yours, and you were hers.
or at least, that’s how you saw it.
that was until you saw her out with angela, her chem partner who you’d heard her complain about dozens of times, a girl you thought she hated. and they were drinking coffee and eating pastries at the east campus cafe, you and abby’s cafe.
and though you knew your perception of your relationship was nothing but a fantasy, it almost felt like a betrayal to see her like that with someone else. but of course, you couldn’t actually be mad at her for it, nor would you explain what was making you so upset.
so you did the one thing you thought was logical, you avoided her.
knowing that she would see right through you from the beginning, and demand that you tell her what was wrong, you tried to be strategic about it.
but you couldn’t a thing past your best friend, the girl who knew you like the back to your hand.
and you had no idea what you were in for if you continued your fit.
it had been two weeks since you sent abby the text, and now, as she laid belly down on her crammed dorm bed, she was rereading it.
y/n: oh my god abs, i’ve got the worst week coming up everrr. hannah scheduled me like double the hours i’ve asked for and i’ve got two exams! fmlllll
abby: damn, i’m sorry bun. still room for me in that schedule of yours?
y/n: you know it abby. text you later, off to work
the conversation didn’t worry abby much initially. but looking back on it, she saw it in a different light.
you didn’t make time for her. and she was determined to know why.
abby sat up in her bed, furrowing her brows as she remembered the date. it was a wednesday.
she opened back up her texts, quickly typing out her message.
abby: what time you coming over tonight? it’s october, so we can officially make our movie nights halloween dedicated :)
she pursed her lips worriedly as she awaited your response. she had been shot down daily over the last couple of weeks, always given the same excuse. work, exams, stomach flu, etc.
abby knew something was up, she just needed one final confirmation.
y/n: shit, i totally forgot! i promised i’d take my coworkers closing shift since she opened for me. next wednesday i promise!
abby felt her heart sink, the situation becoming all too real and unavoidable. you were angry at her, and she didn’t have a clue why.
she scrambled out a message, quickly pressing send and biting the inside of her cheek as she watched the unchanging screen.
abby: are you mad at me? please tell me what i did, and i’ll fix it
she watches with a tight chest as the bubble of your response appears and disappears. and as ten minutes pass with no text back, she throws her phone down on the bed, groaning into her hands.
if it had been anyone else, she’d assume you were just busy at work. but this was you.
abby sprung up from the bed, throwing on a jacket and slipping her feet swiftly into her beat up sneakers. the sneakers you’d bought her for her 16th birthday.
she swung open the door, grabbing her things and moving swiftly down the stairs and out her dorm hall. she tucked her hands under her arms, pulling her hoodie over her head as she walked through the breezy fall air.
she rounded the familiar block and pushed into the entrance of your dorms.
and before she could think twice, she brought her fist up to your door, banging loudly with her other hand stuffed in her pocket.
“open the door!” she says sternly, already hearing your movement in the dorm.
you pull the door open with a displeased grunt, but as you recognize the rosy cheeked girl in front of you, your eyes widen.
“a-abby?” you stutter, staring up at her with a guilty expression.
she stares at you, taking in your loose sweats and braless tank. you weren’t at work, and you certainly weren’t getting ready.
after a long pause, the reality of the situation setting in, abby speaks up.
“you lied.” she murmurs, her voice low.
you cast your gaze down, stepping back to let her in silently. you knew you weren’t gonna get out of this one.
she shoves her way into your room, shutting the door loudly and pulling her hood off to look down at you disapprovingly.
“so,” she huffs, throwing her arms up and crossing them against her chest. “are you gonna tell me what’s going on with you?”
you sigh, pinching your temples. “nothings… nothings going on i just-” you begin before being cut off abruptly.
“nothings going on?” she repeats desperately, “y/n, you’ve avoided me for weeks!”
“i- i haven’t avoided you,” you reply breathlessly, stepping forward. “i’ve been really busy.”
“oh right, busy,” she scoffs, “just like how you’re so busy right now?”
you bow your head silently, avoiding her burning gaze. “i- i can explain..” you say slowly, although you sure as hell didn’t want to.
“great!” she snaps, “good, let’s hear it.” she shifts her weight back and forth on her legs, her figure now trembling with anger and desperation.
you look up at her with pleading eyes, trying to find away to avoid this conversation if you had any hope of keeping your friendship the same.
you were so disappointed with yourself you felt like you could cry. for years you’d stuffed your feelings down, terrified not just of rejection but of your own selfishness.
abby was the perfect friend, she was everything you could ask for and more, and yet your inconsiderate mind desired more. and when she didn’t give that to you, you pushed her away.
abby watched your expressions alter, staring at you with her mouth agape. “well?” she asks in a final, breathless plea.
when she doesn’t get a response, her mind jumps to the only conclusion she could think of.
“you’re… you’re seeing someone?” she whispers, her face falling.
your expression twists in confusion and frustration at her accusation, shaking your head fervently. “what? what are you talking about?”
“you are, aren’t you?” she presses on, taking a step forward.
you roll your eyes at the irony of her words. “no okay, i’m not seeing anyone,” you huff, the attitude clear in your voice. “you’re the one that’s seeing someone,” you murmur, back turned to your best friend. your eyes widen at your own words, cursing yourself for letting that slip.
you hear abby’s breath falter behind you. “what?” she asks, voice somewhat amused which annoyed the hell out of you. “did you say i’m seeing someone?”
despite knowing how childish you were being, you narrow your eyes, continuing on with your antics.
“well you are, aren’t you?” you say with a pout, tilting you chin up at her.
at this, abby laughs at you. “y/n… are you talking about angela?” she says with a smirk. “i’ve been trying to tell you about that, so much happened!” she exclaims and you nearly feel like breaking down then and there.
your expression drops, lips curling into a proper frown as you turn away from her once again. she stutters as she sees your change in demeanor.
“yeah right, i’d just love to hear all about angela,” you mutter, unable to meet her piercing blue eyes.
“no no.. it was bad, okay, it was really bad,” she chuckles, rushing over to grab your arms and turn you to face her. but as she takes in your distressed expression, abby’s mouth hangs open, the pieces of the puzzle slowly falling into place in her mind.
“hey, hey, what is it?” she cooes, her voice softened as she brings her hand to cup the side of your face, stroking your cheek.
when you don’t respond once again, her back straightens, and she drops her hands from your skin, staring down at you in contemplation.
“you’re… you’re jealous,” she says quietly, her words laced with certainty.
you shake your head, stepping back from her with worry as she figured it out. “no, why the hell would i be jealous?” you heave, but abby doesn’t let you get away.
“because you like me,” she asserts once again, hands going for your wrists as she reaches out to you.
“hey, look at me, hey..” she brings her face close to yours, lowering to your height. your arms go limp in defeat as she holds you still, grabbing your chin gently to make you look at her.
as she studies your face, the way your eyes crease with uncertainty, she knows.
“you do..” she whispers.
the only thing you can do is drop your head in shame, praying silently that she would agree to just forget this conversation completely and return to your blissful friendship.
your murmur is nearly inaudible as a small “i’m sorry,” passes through your lips.
abby inhales sharply, taking your cheeks into your hands and lifting your head to face hers in a quick motion.
“oh sweet girl… don’t be sorry..” she breathes, brushing her thumb over your bottom lip.
she stares at you for a moment, chest heaving with her uneven breathes, contemplating the same action she’d been dreaming of for years. the action she never thought she’d get the opportunity of doing.
and just as your eyes meet hers, they flutter shut to the feeling of her lips pressing against yours.
you sigh against her, the tension easing from your muscles as she guides you gently against the door, running her hands desperately, yet hesitantly over your arms and shoulders.
the touch, the way her lips gently parted yours, her tongue rolling into your mouth with a soft hum, it was foreign, yet so painfully familiar.
this was abby. your abby. the girl who had been attached to your hip for a decade. the girl you had convinced yourself never to kiss and never confess to out of fear of ruining your perfect friendship.
and you couldn’t be happier as she did it for you.
you bring your arms around her broad shoulders, pulling her against you as your noses clashed together in a desperate kiss, her hands getting rougher and more curious, and so do yours. you tug her hoodie up over her head, touching her chilled skin from the cool fall air outside.
you feel her calloused palm reach below your shirt, grazing the soft skin on your belly, inching upward to your unclothed breast. you feel her hand suddenly stop, her mouth pulling away from yours.
“abby-” you call out her name in a slight moan, digging your fingers into her hair and tugging on her braid. you knew what she was thinking. you knew she thought she was rushing things, but you didn’t care. you’d waited so long.
“i know.. i know..” she nods, eyes nearly shut as she peers down at you, leaning in again to kiss you, slowing her rhythm and taking her time with you.
you whine into her mouth, brows furrowing as you grabbed her hand, trying to pull it towards your chest once again, and she chuckles against your lips.
“so needy,” she smiles, but with how shaky her voice is, she sounds almost hypocritical.
“neglected you for so long, huh?” she grins, kissing the corner of your mouth gently.
even though abby hadn’t had many relationships or sexual partners, mostly thanks to her hopeless pining towards you, she was undeniably more experienced than you.
you could feel the hesitance in her fingertips, the uncertainty in her eyes. knowing she didn’t want to rush you, you grab her cheek, pulling her lips away to speak.
“then don’t make me wait any longer,” you whisper, eyes looking up at her pleadingly as your thighs squeezed together, desperately trying to relieve the ache between your legs.
abby smiles, not missing a beat to crash her lips to yours once again, and this time her hand travels up your chest without hesitation. you whine as you feel her thumb brush over your nipple, and arch your back against the wall.
she dips her head down to your neck, peppering kisses along your throat, and sucking soft marks onto your skin. she groans as she hears your quiet moans, feeling like she could cum on the spot. she’d envisioned how you would sound so many times, but to actually hear it was so much better.
“you’re so fucking pretty, you know that?” she hums, large palms needing your tits as she pushes your legs apart with her knee, and slots her thigh in between them. “sound so fucking pretty”
your face is red and hot as you let out a quiet whimper in response, grabbing on to her toned stomach to pull her closer. as you feel the friction of her muscular thigh against your clothed cunt, you absentmindedly grind yourself against her.
“there you go, sweetheart,” abby praises you, hands leaving your tits to hold onto your hips. she gently guides you against her propped leg, and leaves small love bites below your ear as she whispers to you. “tell me if we’re going too fast, okay? you tell me.”
you shake your head, hips picking up their rhythm as you try to chase that sensation that slowly builds in your cunt. “not too fast, abs. i want more, please?”
normally, you would care about sounding too desperate, but since this was abby, you couldn’t hold back. even in this unfamiliar situation, you were comfortable with her. and even more importantly, you needed her so bad.
“you want more, huh baby?” she cooes, smiling ear to ear as she helps you keep up your pace. suddenly, her hands push your hips back off of her, and you whine in disappointment. before you can protest the loss of contact, she brings her hands to the hem of your tank top, pulling it off your chest in a swift motion.
her palms return to your waist, guiding you quickly against your small bed, her lips instantly connected with yours once again. she pushes you gently down, situating herself between your legs, and hooking a finger at the hem of your sweatpants.
the fabric is tugged down to your ankles in seconds, and she tosses the pants across the room with a shit eating grin. you can’t help but look up and giggle at her as she crawls on the bed to meet you, kissing up your stomach and on the fat of your chest.
“whatcha laughing about, pretty girl?” abby smirks as she sucks hickeys onto your skin. she tried her best to sound stern, but she couldn’t help but melt as she heard your laugh.
“nothing, this is just weird,” you can’t help but admit with blushed cheeks. “i just… never imagined we would be doing this..”
“oh?” abby says with faux surprise, “so you’re telling me… you didn’t imagine me doing this?” she asks mischievously as she takes on of your nipples into her mouth, sucking gently.
you’re breathing falters and you let out a small gasp, handing falling the the back of her head as she runs her tongue over your hardening nipple. “n-no i mean… i imagined it… just didn’t think we actually ever would.”
abby smiles against your skin, kissing her way down your stomach and settling between your thighs. “what would you imagine, bun?” she asks teasingly as she kisses just above your underwear. “would you picture me doing this to you? dream about my mouth on your cunt?”
with that statement, abby drops in between your legs, pressing her face against your panties and inhaling dirtily. she shakes her nose against your clothed pussy, nudging your clit deliciously. you cry out into your hand, instantly squirming from her touch.
you felt her start to kitten lick your clint through the fabric, causing you to let out an deep whine. you lift your head with hazy eyes, listening to her soft growls against you, which only made your stomach whir.
“abby pl-ease,” you say brokenly, desperately bucking your hips upward to chase the friction you needed, “stop teasing me…”
“m’not teasing…” she mumbles, her voice low as she runs her tongue flat against your underwear, applying pressure to your folds.
“a-ah, please!” you moan, feeling your cunt gush with more arousal.
“you are teasing me, you are-” you begin your protest when she suddenly yanks your panties down from your hips, and before you can process it, her hot mouth is licking a stripe from your hole to your clit.
you release a borderline pornographic moan at the sensation, eyes rolling to the back of your head. she doesn’t waist any time to start sucking at your clit with vigor, and alternating to lap up your juices.
you’re nearly shaking at this point, your chest heaving with every breath and hips twitching from every touch she gives you.
“fuck- i love the way you taste bun…” abby moans into your pussy, her hands keeping a bruising grip on your waist. “knew you’d taste good.. so fucking good…”
she already sounds pussy drunk as she flattens her tongue against your clit, helping you grind your hips against her mouth however you wanted. you continuously tried to close your legs around her head, completely overwhelmed by how good she was fucking you, but each time her palm would catch your leg, only pulling you further apart.
“gotta stop squirming, baby,” abby would growl as your thighs continued to tremble and your arms would thrash around aimlessly. you respond with an apologetic whine, already too cloudy minded to form words.
when you continue to move in her grip, she finally pushes your knees against your chest, keeping you firmly pinned with your cunt fully exposed for her.
“look at that…” abby cooes as she gives your pussy a small slap before dipping her mouth back down to your hole, lapping you up quickly.
“how many fingers you want, sweet girl?” she breaks away from your cunt to ask you breathlessly, before returning to suck at your clit.
you whimper from the added pressure of the position, head falling weakly against the pillow as you tried to clear your thoughts.
“ngh.. don’t know… o-one..?” you manage to muster, but you can’t already feel yourself tipping over the edge. anything abby gave you, you would take.
“hmm…” abby smiles against your pussy, keeping your legs pushed up with one hand while bringing the other down to slide through your folds.
you groan as you feel the tips of her fingers prodding at your hole, unconsciously pushing yourself against them. “we can do two…” she whisper as she slowly inserts her middle and ring finger into your pussy, hissing through her teeth as she feels you clench around her.
“relax baby… it’s only me,” she comforts you as she curls her fingers experimentally inside of you. you let out a soft cry, back arching against your mattress as she explores your insides.
abby watches your expression carefully, her tongue giving your clit small, stimulating licks as she searched for the spot that made you scream.
when she felt the spongy area deep in your core, and watched as you jolted against her fingers, panting out a moan, she knew she found it. she gave you one last lick, collecting the juices that leaked around her fingers on her tongue, she crawled up to your face with her fingers still deep inside of you.
her strokes were slow and gentle at first, teasing that spot with an almost unbearable pace. her eyes met yours and she positioned herself above you, but her pupils were darkened.
“i want to go harder,” she whispers, her voice low and full of lust. “can i do that, bun, can i go harder?”
you nod and quickly, grabbing onto her neck and pulling her lips against yours, moaning at the taste of yourself on her tongue. “please… so close..”
she didn’t need to hear another word before her pace turned from gentle to hammering. the air is punched out of you as she drills her fingers into your pussy, curling upward and hitting that spot with every thrust.
you were crying and moaning out her name, grabbing onto anything you could as she continued her rough assault on your hole. obscene squelches from your pussy fill the room, and your face blooms from embarrassment.
abby kisses you sweetly, in sharp contrast to the brutal pace of her fingers. you wrap your arms around her, hoping for a bit of her comfort to ground you in this moment. she immediately recognizes your need, bringing her forehead against yours as she fingered you.
“that feel good baby? yeah?” she whispers, her voice sultry as her palm rubs perfectly against your clit.
“m’gonna cum.. abby.. oh my god,” you cry out, fingernails digging into her back without even realizing. she clenched her teeth, the stinging pain only enhancing her desperation.
“that’s it sweet girl..” she mumbles, her pace unbreaking. “cum on my fucking fingers- let it out.”
without missing a beat, you feel your hearing practically go out, white hot pleasure coursing through your body as your orgasm crashes down on you. you shake, mouth open in a silent moan as you ride out your high, abby’s fingers never ceasing. your final sound comes out in a shattered moan, your eyes rolled back as you grind your hips into her fingers, feeling the best high of your life.
“good girl…” abby praises, her fingers slowing down even so slightly as she watches your expression.
“good. fucking. girl.” she finishes, her pace coming to a stop as she feels you tense up from the overstimulation.
you fall against the mattress, your face completely red from your post-orgasm, and your chest heaving with every breath. abby takes her fingers out of you, shoving them into her mouth and licking them clean.
you watch her in amazement as she lowers down to your face, pressing her lips against yours gingerly. you smile against her, pulling her closer by your shoulders until she practically falling on top of you.
“y/n,” abby giggles, trying to remain propped up from her elbows. “i’m gonna crush you!”
“don’t care,” you shake your head with a wide grin.
she smiles, kissing you again, but this time with a little bit more desperation. her tongue slips past your lips, massaging the inside of your mouth.
you tug on the waist band of her sweats, looking up at her with a pout. “take ‘em off,” you whine.
abby smirks at your plea, shaking her head. “so bossy,” she mumbles, pulling down her pants and tossing them aside. you instantly spring up on your knees, smashing your lips against hers.
abby flinches a bit, startled by how quickly your fingers find their way to the waistband of her boxers. you yank them down her muscular thighs, diving your much smaller fingers between her folds as you kiss her sweetly.
“woah- baby,” abby breathes, her voice almost failing her as she grabs onto your wrist. “what’re you doing?”
“returning the favor, silly,” you grumble against her lips, smiling as you feel just how wet she is. “i think i got you a little excited,” you giggle.
“no.” abby shakes her head firmly, “you’re not the one that gets to tease me.” she tries to sound stern, but the shake in her voice didn’t go unnoticed.
it wasn’t often that abby was on the receiving side. but staring down at you, with your eyes blown wide staring at her dripping cunt, she couldn’t help but grow just as desperate. she needed this too.
you palm her aching pussy, watching in awe as she bucked her hips against you, bringing her hands up to clutch the headboard. you hold your breath to surpress your own moans at the sight, wanting to only hear her soft sighs and the dirty sounds of her wetness.
“fuck… yeah like that,” abby groans, head falling back, and her knees trembling as she stays upright for you, not even realizing how she’s furthering spreading her thighs, and grinding into your palm.
she felt herself getting red the moment she realized she was already about to cum. but the pleasure was too consuming, and she was too pent up to feel any embarrassment.
the second you slipped your middle finger into her folds, your thumb instantly finding her clit, she toppled over the edge. she released a strained moan, instantly falling against you. she props herself up on the headboard to keep up her weight, and lets her head fall into your neck. she brings one hand down to cover yours, keeping your palm in place as she practically humps your fingers. she rides out her orgasm in shuddering breathes.
you watch her in shock and awe, remaining silent as she started to come down. she pulls your hand away, burying her face further into your neck with a deep sigh.
“did you just..” you begin, and she could practically hear your smile.
“yes..” she groans, rolling her face towards yours and pressing her lips at the base of your throat.
your grin widens as you stare up at the ceiling, stroking her back carefully. abby lifts her head, and secures her arms around your waist.
in a quick movement, you are rolled on top of her, your legs intertwined. she holds you tight to her chest, kissing the top of your head affectionately. you blush as you feel the stickiness between both your legs.
“we’re a mess,” you say softly, smiling up at her.
“leave it for now,” she whispers, fingers tracing shapes on your bare back. “wanna stay like this for a minute.”
you lay there in silence, listening to each others slowing breaths. and in that moment, you knew this was what it was supposed to be all along.
abby’s words come out in a content hum, her fingers affectionately pinching at the soft fat below your ass.
“sorry for making you wait so long, sweet girl.”
“you’re forgiven.”
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eliasorchard · 1 month ago
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req by anon: hello since your requests are open for smut, may i request william and albert eating you out headcanons? (separately)
note: art creds goes to the artist. lmk if i need to put it down cause i can't find their name and dk if they'd like their work reposted like this. + might be ooc cause i haven't written anything mtp related in months, go easy on me
tags: overstim, edging, reader w/ afab genitals, fingering, dacryphilia
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𖥔 ꒰ — 𝐀𝐋𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐓 𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐘
nsfw under cut.
: ALBERT is a tease. especially in bed — he's just so mean about it, you know? he'll have your legs spread open for him for hours on end, feather touches and small, playful licks on your swollen, pulsating clit.
: he definitely loves setting the mood beforehand. he doesn't like instantly ravaging you — he wants it to be passionate and heated, but not to the point of seeming carnal.
: he'll laugh when your fingers frustratedly twist into his hair, pushing his head further in between your thighs because god, you need more friction, or when pleas or frustrated whines claw their way out of your throat.
: his hand placement, i think, would be holding onto the pudge of your thighs orrrrr they'd be on your chest, fondling them or on your nipples.
: albert's driving you mad, and he knows it. he enjoys it. he just loves edging you. how could he not? the pretty noises that roll off your tongue are otherworldly to him, and he's going to do everything to hear more of them.
: "what's wrong?" he taunts, voice husky. he tries to play it cool, tries to make it seem like he's the one steering the reins, but his composure is slipping every second. "i figured you were a lot more patient than this, (name)."
: albert will have you pleading before he actually does any real work. just watching you crumble at his ministrations, watching as your cunt drip in arousal, soaking the towel beneath you is an ego boost to him.
: definitely gets pussy-drunk, i don't make the rules 🤷‍♂️
: i i hesdcanon he's a messy eater when he eats pussy. trust.
: he spreads your folds apart, licking a stripe before diving in and eating you out like a man starved. he acts like he's so, so hungry for you, as if he's been waiting for ages just for this. your back arches everytime he flattens his tongue on your clit, licking upwards.
: albert will drive you up to the point of madness with him leading you up right at the edge—only for him to pull you right back down from the high you almost got. i don't think he's a mean dom, to be honest, i think he just really likes teasing you. perhaps a little too much sometimes.
: your cheeks flushed, brows furrowed and tears pooling at your eyes definitely does something to him. once he thinks he's had enough or been too harsh on you, he'll finally cave and give you whatever you want.
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𖥔 ꒰ — WILLIAM JAMES MORIARTY
: WILLIAM, on the other hand, i think is on the softer side.
: performing oral or having sex in the first place isn't something william always does often. so whenever he does eat you out, i imagine the act to be soft, gentle and intimate.
: definitely loves servicing you/giving into your needs. he'll be on the edge of the bed, knees against the carpet, while your legs are spread out. the view you get from your perspective with him down there and between your legs with his hair messy and eyes hooded with lust is definitely a sight.
: his hand placement would either be interlinked with one of yours or caressing your sides up and down slowly.
: i do think he'd like to tease you once in a while, though. but not as much as his older brother. he definitely talks you through it, either giving you praise on how good you're doing, checking in every once in a while, some light remarks like "i haven't even done anything yet and you're already soaking" etc, to the point of making you blush.
: william is a man who adapts to things quickly. it's a given he'd be able to find all the spots that make you feel the most good. his tongue working away at your clit all the while his fingers pump in and out of you at your favoured pace...
: you'll definitely be orgasming in minutes.
: on some more passionate nights, he's most likely a fan of overstimulating you. watching you squirm, the noises that escape your throat are so pretty to him. he can't help it.
: you're in good hands, trust him and let yourself go. the night is still young, after all, and his hunger for you is yet not quenched. get ready to see stars.
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© eliasorchard — do not plagiarize, retranslate or feed it to ai.
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hayakawalove · 3 months ago
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Love From a Thousand Miles Away
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Summary: Oikawa just finished a match and has plans to call you after. He learns that you got up to something in his absence, leaving him feeling a bit left out.
A/N: Hello! It's my first time writing him, so I hope it's okay. Comments appreciated! I want to write him more!
CW: Smut, Phone Sex, Dirty Talk, Masturbation, Humiliation, Hand Jobs, Post-Time Skip, Pro Volleyball Player W/C: 1,910
Credit to cafekitsune for the banner
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“And with that, CA San Juan grabs the gold with a leading score of 30-28!” 
“It couldn’t have been done without their phenomenal setter, Toru Oikawa!” 
A stadium full of cheering fans surrounds Toru, but he isn’t focused on any of that. Don’t get him wrong, he’s grateful, really grateful. It’s been a long road to success, and he couldn’t have been happier. However, something else was on his mind entirely. And that something else came in the form of you. 
Toru smiles and rustles his team mates backs, sweat dripping down his forehead but he’s only thinking of one thing. You. You. You. 
He misses you so much he’s sick to his stomach. You were back home keeping watch over the house. Honestly, he didn’t really mind that you weren’t going to be there for this match. He just wanted to be by your side. 
Sure, this was his third consecutive win this year and it was only April, but that wasn’t the most important thing on his mind. 
His teammates wanted to celebrate that night by hitting the town, planning on getting drunk off their asses. They really tried to get Toru to join in, but he just gave a shrug with a slick grin, waving them off as he exited the locker room. 
“Can’t, got a date with my girl.” 
“She didn’t come with you?!” One of his teammates calls out after him. 
Toru doesn’t respond, instead digging for his phone in his smooth team jacket. You were planning on video calling after the match. As he turns on his phone he sees two notifications from you. 
You: Good luck on the match baby, I’m rooting for you 
You: how did it go? 
The last message came in only minutes ago. He finds it funny that you asked him that, seeing as how you knew exactly how the match went. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that you watched it live on TV. He really hopes you were watching it, at least. He blew a kiss intended for you towards the camera before one of his serves. Nevertheless, you asked that question after every game. He asked you why a couple of months ago, and you told him it was because you wanted to know how it went from his perspective. You liked hearing him describe it, how the match looked through his eyes. 
Toru: it went great, I should be back at the hotel in 30 minutes. I love you
Toru grins at his phone and slides it back in his pocket, running his tongue along his bottom lip. 
As soon as Toru arrives at the hotel he hops into the shower. He refuses to look even a little gross for you. Even though you’ve told him on more than one occasion that you thought it was hot when he was sweaty. 
Grey sweatpants hang low on his hips as he saunters over to the bed. The sound of him video calling you echoed throughout the room, the anticipation of seeing you again making him giddy. 
He flops on the bed, laying on his stomach as he stares at the screen. It only rings a couple more times before your face lights up his phone. 
“Hey baby.” You say with a smile. 
There’s sunlight behind you, a stark contrast to the unforgiving darkness of where Toru was at. Exhaustion is seeping in his bones, but he doesn’t mind. 
Toru excitedly says your name, a toothy grin pulling up on his face. All is right in the world now. Conversation flows easily between the two of you. He recounts the game for you, explaining each detail as you patiently listen. He feels a surge of pride when you tell him ‘good job’. It always sounds better when you’re the one saying it. 
“So, how was your day?” He asks, resting his head on his propped up hand, looking at his screen. 
You’re biting back a smile, nervous eyes flicking away. The action makes curiosity burn in his gut. Toru has always been good with people. He excels at talking with them, always making them feel comfortable enough to open up. But above all else he’s good at reading people. It’s a skill he uses to his advantage every time he’s in a match. It’s a skill he’s using right now. You’re hiding something. 
“Well, I did some cleaning a little bit ago. I wiped down the kitchen and did laundry. Then I took a short break and was about to get started again when you called.” 
Toru squints at the phone, analyzing your facial features. There’s a glint in your eyes that’s hard to miss, and there are indents on your bottom lip from your teeth. He has an idea of what you were up to, but he decides to ask anyway. 
“Yeah? What did you do during your break?” 
You look towards him before glancing away quickly. Caught red handed. Toru patiently waits for an answer, an evil smile perking up his lips. 
“Oh you know, just kinda hung out.” 
“Yeah? You hung out?” He replies. 
“Yeah, nothing special.” 
“Was that before or after you fucked yourself?” 
Toru watches your facial features change instantly. He can’t help but let out a barking laugh at your flustered expression. Honestly, he finds it a bit insulting that you thought you could hide it. 
“Toru! I, well…” you bite the inside of your cheek and look away, unable to watch his shit eating grin. “Before.” 
“Ah, I see. So you got yourself off before calling me? Don’t you think that’s a bit selfish?” Toru teases. He can feel his body start to heat up, and there’s a sensation stirring in his pelvis. 
“It’s not my fault you aren’t home!” You pout, your bottom lip jutting. 
Toru’s internally cursing his manager for bringing him out here. He could be at home right now. He should be at home right now. Toru should be tending to your every need. 
“Poor girl, can’t even wait for her boyfriend.” Toru feels the unmistakable pressure building up in his lap. 
“Don’t be mean.” You murmur, before biting into your cheek. 
Toru has to hold back a laugh. You really were so easy to read, did you even know that? You like when he’s mean, he can tell. It’s written all over your face. 
“I’m sorry baby, you’re right.” He apologizes, even though he isn’t the least bit sorry. 
You sigh and bring your eyes back to the screen. Toru can feel his breathing stutter. You’ve been dating for years now, but your beauty still managed to knock him off his feet every time. 
“Thank you,” you say softly. 
Toru ponders for a moment. He couldn’t let you get away with it that easily.
“What about me though?” He asks. 
“What about you?” 
“Come on, I’m supposed to learn you touched yourself and not be horny?” Toru lays on his back, holding his phone up. 
“What do you want me to do?” 
“Let me see your pretty pussy, baby.” Toru requests simply, knowing you wouldn’t refuse. 
He frees his hard cock from the confines of his pants, watching as it slaps back against his toned stomach. It’s impressive how fast you turned him on. His tip was already leaky, precum freely spilling over as he watches you stand up. You ease your pants off your body, before laying back down on the bed with your phone in your hands. 
“Let’s see,” he says. 
“But I’m embarrassed.” 
“Don’t be. You know I think you’re perfect.” 
He doesn’t let you forget. He reminds you nearly every hour of every day. 
You spread your legs wide for him, bringing your camera further down to display your cunt. Toru groans loudly, the sound carrying over through your speakers. 
“Holy fuck,” he watches the screen intently, running his tongue against his bottom lip. 
Toru is athletic. That much is known. It’s his job for god's sake. But he swears he’s never felt so breathless before. It feels like he’s been playing volleyball for ten hours, but he hasn’t been. All he’s done was catch sight of your pussy. 
“It isn’t that big of a deal, Toru.” You reply, your voice heavy with desire. 
“Yes, it is. You always look so good. Spread yourself for me, sweetheart.” Toru grips his cock, wincing at how good it feels before he begins to slide his fist down. 
You use your middle and pointer finger to spread your pussy, your clit still swollen and cum still seeping from your hole. 
Toru moans, his hand emitting noises now from the precum coating his cock. He imagines it’s your pussy. He imagines how wet you’d feel, how tight your walls would be around him. 
“So wet, didn’t even clean up yet?” 
“I didn’t have the time to.” You whine.
“Messy girl.” 
He speeds his hand up. It’s nowhere near as good as your pussy would be. You’re teasing a finger around, allowing it to circle your clit before moving down further, pressing it into your hole. Toru watches closely, groaning at how easy your finger pushes in. You thrust it in a couple times, and Toru can see how your cum glistens against your skin. 
Oh, how he wishes he could clean it up for you. 
He wants to dive his tongue into you, lick the liquid lust from your pussy until you’re screaming his name. He’d lick it off your fingers too, if you’d let him. He’d place them delicately in his mouth, allowing his tongue to clean the cum from your hands. 
Toru groans as you finger fuck yourself, your moans carrying through the call. Every so often you pull your hand away, rubbing your finger against your clit before completely removing it. Toru closes his eyes for a second to picture you beneath him. How you’d look, how you’d taste, how you’d feel. 
He’s already getting closer now. He can feel it. 
His hand fondles his cock, allowing him to build up closer and closer. Toru fucks his hand, precum spilling over onto his knuckles and down his fingers. It’s a filthy sight. He throws his head back and focuses on the warmth spreading throughout his tummy. 
“Wish you were here, Toru. It was hard to cum without you. You need to fuck me.” You say, watching as Toru gets closer.
“Yeah? You need it bad?” 
“Yes, please fuck me, Toru.” You thrust your finger back inside, arching it up against your sensitive spot. You didn’t intend on cumming again, but you wanted to put on a good show. 
“Fuck, baby.” 
Toru’s cumming. White flows down his fist, the added lubrication making his movements that much smoother. His hand doesn’t stop once, too intent on finishing fully first. You’re groaning at the sight as well. Toru hopes it looks as good as it feels. 
After he’s finished cumming, his hand slowly comes to a stop. The room is no longer spinning, instead a calm lull taking over its place. He looks at his cock before looking at you, smiling as he sees your face. You have a grin on as well, one that makes love spread throughout his body. 
“I’m sorry I’m not there, I’ll be back soon.” He murmurs.
“You better. I wasn’t lying when I said I needed to fuck you.” 
Toru chuckles, leaning over to begin the clean up process with napkins. 
“We’ll be reunited before you know it!” 
If you want to be added to a taglist for my future works, please let me know. Just specify what you want to be added in.
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xo-hugs-n-kisses-ox · 4 months ago
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Rumination
Ruminate
(v.) To think about something deeply
After Edward left her, Bella Swan fell apart. Desperate to try and save his eldest daughter, Charlie brings his youngest daughter to Forks to see if she can bring her sister out of her depression.
Now, y/n must try to help her sister find her way back to the light while also trying to navigate her Junior year of high school in the odd town of Forks.
---
Chapter Nine: Ultimatums
Now Playing: Twilight by bôa
Warnings: cursing, mentions of blood, spiders, mentions of fighting, reader has beef w/ Edward
Bella and I had an icy silence between the two of us. Jacob refused to talk to her after she chose Edward. I didn’t blame him. I felt betrayed, too, that my sister would choose him and his family over her own flesh and blood.
Well, she won’t be made of flesh and blood for much longer, I thought bitterly.
Charlie tried to get us to talk about it. Neither of us could without revealing the secret about vampires.
Sometimes, I think about telling Charlie about them just to spite my sister. I don’t, though. It would put him in too much danger, and that’s only if he believed me, which was doubtful.
I spent most of my time at Emily’s. The spare room was entirely mine now, and Sam had hung up decoration for me.
“This is as much your home as it is ours,” he had told me. I’m embarrassed to admit that I cried.
Jacob and I were closer than ever. Paul and I were still distant and icy. I didn’t have the energy to fight with him, and he kept his distance. I had explained as much as I could to Max about why I had been ignoring him, and we had made up about it. Sort of.
He was still sore about it, but he accepted the fact that I had things I just couldn’t tell him. He also had a lot more of an objective take on Bella and I’s situation, so he was good for perspective.
---
Emily’s house felt more like home to me than my actual house did. I could express my worries and hurt without fear of putting anyone in danger, and the house wasn’t accessible to vampires. It made me feel better.
I had just come back from a shift at Roy’s when I stumbled in, kicking off my shoes and collapsing face first into the couch to fall asleep.
---
I was avoiding going home, so we went to La Push. The boys played various games along the shore, and I was collecting shells and pretty rocks.
Leah was walking with me. She didn’t say anything, and I was grateful. After a while, Seth bounded up and held his hands out.
“Look!” He said, laughing, “Look what I’ve got!”
Curious, I peered at his cupped hands only to see a massive, hairy spider peering back at me.
I shrieked, stumbling backwards in my attempt to get away from the nasty thing. Leah stopped me from falling by grabbing me under my arms, but I continued to scramble away. Seth laughed and chased me with the damn thing, and I’ve never run faster in my life.
I sprinted back to Sam and Emily, ducking around Jacob and Paul as I made my escape through their game of football.
“Knock it off, Seth!” I demanded as I used Jared as my personal shield. Seth grinned, lunching forward. I shirked again, shooting backwards.
Paul picked Seth up around his torso, hauling him over his shoulder.
“Quit tormenting Y/n before she kicks your ass,” He warned, “She’s the one who helps make your food, and Emily’s not immune to bribes from her.”
Seth only giggled, dropping the spider down into the sand. I hastily backed up further from the scuttling creature as it hurried over to the brush.
---
Bella’s going to Florida with Edward. He got the tickets per my suggestion to try and get my sister to change her mind. If she was a vampire, she couldn’t see Renee and Phil in Florida. She couldn’t be in the sunshine. I hoped it would help.
---
Bella and Jacob were talking again. It was a relief. Maybe he could help change her mind, since going to Jacksonville didn’t.
Edward texted me the results, and I nearly threw my phone in the deep fryer. During my shift at Roy’s, my thoughts were filled with ways I could possibly get my sister to want to stay human. All of them revolved around Edward leaving again, but I knew it was too late for that to happen again.
I was walking to my truck when I saw a familiar face standing beside it.
Paul was leaning against the driver’s side door, his burly arms crossed over his chest. I tossed him the keys after unlocking the car, sliding into he passenger’s seat and waiting.
I wasn’t mad at him anymore. Not like I had been. The closest thing I was feeling was disappointment. He still didn’t apologize, not verbally, at least. It had pissed me off to no end that he refused to say the two little words that would fix everything, but Emily had made me rethink my anger.
Bella had just gotten back from Italy. All the guys were out patrolling. Seth and Leah were hanging out with us at the house.
Paul and I had gotten into another argument where both of us were being pigheaded only to annoy the other. He had stormed off in one direction, and I had gone the opposite way he did. Emily had come to find me.
“What are you so upset about?” She asked calmly, sitting behind me to braid my hair.
“He won’t acknowledge that he’s wrong!” I had said, and she had just hummed.
“You want him to say that he was wrong in his actions?” She asked, and I opened my mouth to respond. She continued before I could, “But were you not also wrong?”
I paused, thinking.
Sighing, I answered, “We’re both wrong.”
“Then what is it that you want from him?” She asked, always a voice of reason. I was quiet for a long minute as I tried to come up with an answer.
“I want him to say sorry.” I said at last, “I want him to apologize. And before you say anything, I won’t apologize first. He started this issue and he keeps starting shit. I’ll only apologize if he does first.”
She was quiet as she sectioned my hair out, running her fingers through it slowly.
“He has never been good with words,” she told me, and I laughed mirthfully, “He has always been someone who pays attention more to actions. He may never say he’s sorry, his pride might not allow for it at times, but he always shows what he feels.”
In the months following that discussion, I had payed more attention to his actions. We still argued, insults were still thrown, but my anger fizzled out quickly.
When he had made a jab about Bella that had pissed me off enough that I stormed off, he saved me dinner. The plate had the best parts of whichever foods we were eating that night, taken from his own plate and given to me.
He had made a snide comment about Max, and I had spat back about having a life outside of the pack. He had been the one to storm out, then, but I woke up to movie tickets on my bedside table. The note on them wrote, “Since you have a life, allegedly.”
He was still an ass, and he was still moody with a hair-trigger temper, but I was slowly starting to see beyond it again.
I didn’t want to apologize before he did. He was prideful, but so was I.
So I did what he did for me.
I pissed him off by making a dig about his capabilities and helpfulness a few weeks ago. As an apology, I convinced Emily to make wings for dinner since they were his favorite. He had looked at me oddly when I put the plate down in front of him, but I didn’t say anything and neither did he.
He and I argued in the car about my being a burden to him, and how he should just leave if he was so bothered. It resulted in him slamming the door and storming off into the woods. I brought an entire chocolate pie back from Roy’s for him.
I supposed that if he was an ass, I was, too.
---
I was sitting with Emily and Seth in the living room, watching old movies while the rest of the pack were out patrolling.
Seth was sitting in front of me on the floor as I put his hair into elaborate styles Renee used to put my hair into. Emily had just come back with the popcorn when Embry and Quil dragged Paul into the house. Both of them looked fine, but Paul’s face was cut open and his hands were split.
“What happened?” Emily demanded as I stood to go get the first aid kit from the kitchen.
I came back to the living room and found Paul refusing to let Emily near him, “It’s going to heal anyway, quit fussing!”
Still relatively intolerant to his bullshit, I grabbed him by his wrist and dragged him to the kitchen. He let me pull him along, snagging a chair from the dining table to sit on. I grabbed a wash cloth and wet it with warm water, carefully cleaning up his face.
“What happened?” I asked quietly, dabbing away the trickling blood from his brow.
“We were chasing the redhead, and she kept jumping between our land the Cullen’s,” he explained, “The big one followed her onto our land and I got him off. Cut my face in the process.”
I pursed my lips, but didn’t say anything.
I turned around to grab the disinfectant and dabbed a q-tip into it, tracing it along the cuts on his face. It ran from his hairline down to his brows, cutting across his nose and down across his lips. Already, the bleeding had stopped and the skin was ever so slowly closing. His hands were more or less just scraped up, already healed from his accelerated healing.
I assume the one who broke the treaty by leaping over the creek was Emmett. He was by far the largest of the Cullens, tall and wide almost like Jared was. He was nice enough any time he dropped Bella off back at the house. He almost reminded me of Embry, playful and excitable. But despite his intentions, he had broken the treaty.
“Emmett broke the treaty,” I said aloud, voicing my thoughts as my eyes focused on Paul’s, “What does this mean going forward?”
He shrugged, “It’ll have to be renegotiated, most likely. We don’t want an all out war since Victoria’s still loose and on our turf, and neither do they.”
I nodded, feeling weary.
Paul went to sleep on the couch after I cleared him. I cleaned up the cloth and tissue I had used, putting the first aid kit back where I found it. I, too, went to sit on the couch. Paul moved his legs when he saw me coming, settling them into my lap when I was comfortable.
Jacob came back after lunch. He had been talking to Bella, he said, and reported that Edward was trying to keep her in the dark about Victoria in the name of “protecting her.”
I took a deep breath, pulling out my phone. I dialed his number, waiting.
He picked up on the third ring, and I didn’t wait for him to speak.
“Either you keep my sister in the know, or I do it for you, Edward.” I told him flatly, “Which do you prefer? You can sugar coat it to hell for all I care, but we both know that I won’t.”
He was silent for a long moment.
“I see you’re still believing everything your dogs tell you,” he commented dryly, and Paul opened his eyes to glare narrowly at the phone in my hand.
“And I see that you’re still a cowardly little bitch,” I snapped back, “You have twenty four hours to explain the Victoria shit to my sister before I do it myself.”
“Last I heard, you two weren’t exactly on speaking terms,” he countered, and I felt triumphant.
“Don’t believe everything you hear, right?” I taunt, “Besides, she doesn’t have to hear it from me. There’s a good deal of people who don’t like the fact that you baby her for your own comfort.”
I was met with silence, and I smiled.
“Twenty four hours, leech,” I reminded, hanging up the phone.
---
At Roy’s the next evening, Max was sitting in a booth with papers surrounding him. He didn’t order much, more occupied with his current history assignment than eating. I didn’t blame him, the essay was brutal and the topic was plain boring. I only did it to get it over with, and it took me three of the eight days since it was assigned to get it finished.
Unfortunately, my friend wasn’t so smart and waited until the last possible moment to start and finish the essay from hell.
“Max, take a break and drink some water,” I ordered, “You look like you’re going to pass out.”
Wearily, he leaned back and rubbed his face.
“I hate this essay,” he bemoaned, “I hate school. Why can’t I just drop out?”
“Because then your mom would actually kill you,” I grinned, pushing his water towards him pointedly. He sighed dramatically, sipping the drink until it was at least half gone. Satisfied, I left him to his work once more.
 ---
(Edited 1/5/25)
***Trying to add some more of Max! Lmk if you guys want anything in particular!
That’s a wrap for this chapter!! What’d you guys think ?? Also I lied, reader will be getting to understand the Cullens most likely in the following chapters
Anyway, peace out ✌️ 💕
(ps if y’all have any requests for scenes, things you’d like to see me write, etc etc lmk!!)
(pps i didnt forget abt max i promise)
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dearestxiao · 11 months ago
Text
the color blue: neon [part 2] | yandere xiao x reader, yandere venti x reader
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synopsis: the days until you finally meet your penpal has been ticking by so quickly, but with a new tutor, a clingy roommate, and a professor who seems to only want the worst for you, it's hard to keep track of time. WARNINGS: DARK CONTENT, yandere characters, creepy xiao is creepy (lots of potentially uncomfortable thoughts from his perspective), heavily implied stalking, possessiveness, manipulation, dub-con touching, student-teacher dynamic, age gap (reader is 21+ and zhongli is 27+, feel free to adjust as need be). let me know if I need to add anything! reader is gender neutral.
wc: 10.7k
author notes: I wanted to first say thank you for the wait, and I hope that everybody is able to enjoy the changes and edits I’ve made to the story. I also wanted to say thank you to the mutuals who had helped me create the original version of the story. it has been a long time since then, and I’m not entirely sure if they’re still active (OTZ), so I’m not sure if they would still like to be tagged but I am forever grateful to them. this is the last exposition heavy chapter, as well as my last read edit/re-upload of a chapter, so the next few chapters will be much meatier with new content!!! again, thank you so much for the wait. love you all! as always, reblogs are very appreciated if enjoyed and if possible!
ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏” ♡♡♡ [part 1]
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dark content. minors do not interact. do not repost/link.
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from xiao's room, there's a perfect view of the town a bit away from campus that greets him everytime he steps inside. it's a gorgeous sight, which is something he could admit, even though he didn’t choose the place himself, one anyone would be grateful for. the town is bright and bustling even still, and it’s only now starting to dim down. it’s getting late into the night, with flashy lights and beautiful architecture and homey buildings, and so many people, people, people.
there are still families on an outing, and cute couples going on dates. shop owners sweeping around their store. he can see as the everyday salaryman walks back home, accompanying the students on their own way home from classes; he can see so many lives being lived from his isolated little tower.
and yet, on nights like these, no matter how enchanting the view, xiao usually prefers to keep his blinds tightly shutー out of sight, out of mind. jealousy is a vile thing, isn't it? it's nasty, tainting your view of the world, of the things you love. after the first few weeks after xiao had moved in, the view quickly lost the charm it once had. because at the end of the day, to him, the view only serves as a cruel reminder of just how alone xiao is and always has been.
it dangles around a painful reminder of the things xiao can never have. it's so close, yet so far out of reach.
but despite his usual bitterness, xiao doesn’t bother closing the blinds tonight, because tonight, he has hope, hope that he could one day be like the many walks of life he sees everyday from his apartment window. hope that he’ll have something worth wondering about.
xiao sits himself on his bed, the second biggest source of comfort in his life right now. for some reason, he feels awfully nervous. he knows why, but he can’t help but wish that awful feeling away. for a split second, he can’t help but wish he was as confident and fearless as... no. he won’t think like that, not right now, at least. he shakes away the thought. butterflies jitter all up and around his stomach as his shaky hands picks up his phone and dials numbers, your numbers. the digits are already memorized by heart.
he tries to calm his nerves as he presses the phone up to his ear after hitting the call button, nails digging into the pajamas he changed into when he got home. he thickly swallows, waiting as patiently as he can, like usual.
ring. rinnng. rinnnnnggg. 
it doesn't take too long for you to pick up.
"hello?" he finally hears.
it's only one word (and a pretty basic one at that), but xiao can already hear the soft underlying shyness of your voice. his mouth naturally opens a little agape. you've always been nervous around those you weren't close to. your voice sends him into a state of bliss, so much so his brain is too foggy to reply until you coo out another hello, questioning if anyone is there on the other line due to the silence.
he almost has to force himself to speak "It's… xiao," he blinks, not even saying hello back, "from professor zhongli's class," xiao almost slips up by saying the name you know him much better by. “you… we spoke on the train. I don’t know if you remember,” he manages to stutter out.
you had seemed pretty out of it when you two talked earlier that very same day. you must’ve been so exhausted to have fallen asleep like that, right next to him. he’s still replaying the site of it over and over, the way you were struggling so hard to stay awake, head bobbing back and forth. it was probably embarrassing for you, but it was a pleasant sight for him. the soft puff of your cheeks and the furrow of your brows, the shallowness of your breath and how relaxed you looked. it made him feel like a creep, staring at you in that state, such an intimate state, a vulnerable state. 
it’s why he had held back as long as he could before finally tapping you awake, wanting to bask in the precious sight for longer.
he snaps back to finally finish his explanation, “…you gave me your number earlier today," he says it less as a reminder to you, but instead as a reminder to himself. he bites his lip, waiting for you to respond, wishing he could see what you looked like right now.
in the meantime, he remembers how your eyes had begrudgingly opened back up at the feeling of him touching you. he remembers the warmth of your body that felt like it could melt his finger tips from the heat. he wishes he could see and feel both much more often, but xiao is patient. lord, is he patient.
he remembers how embarrassed you looked as you sat up in your seat, trying to reorient yourself. “sorry, what did you say?” you finally had spoken after getting settled. you must’ve been too frazzled to hear him the first time. he cleared his throat before he repeated himself, this time a little louder, a little less shy than the first time around.
“I asked which stop you get off at.” you looked at him with eyes big with confusion. he hoped, desperately (he’s always so desperate), that he hadn’t made you feel anything negative.
he made sure to explain the question in hopes that it made you feel more comfortable and not as confused. “…I can wake you up before you get there, if you’d like.”
despite his wants, he needed to make sure you were safe, and were able to actually get home. if he didn’t ‘protect’ you, who would? definitely not that roommate of yours.
to his (would be short-lived) disappointment you had shaken your head. “no, it’s fine. I really shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the first place.” you had paused for a short second before saying, “thank you, though, xiao.” he doesn’t like to remember how he almost shivered at the sound of his name coming from your lips, nor how he had to turn his head as he nodded because he could feel heat creep up it. 
"oh, yes, xiao! sorry, I wasn't expecting you to call so soon. what can I do for you?"
“you asked on the train if I could tutor you. I wanted to set something up.”
it’s true, even if xiao can’t believe it himself. he knew this day would come, but didn’t expect it to be this soon. after several minutes of silence between you two, (or at least as silent as it could be on a train), you had turned to him, as if remembering something, getting his attention before you asked him something.
“sorry if this is coming out of nowhere. I was wondering if…” you took a breath, and xiao had almost sworn you were bordering scared as you finished your question. “I was wondering if you could possibly tutor me for zhonglis class? I don’t know if you’d be able to, but I spoke to him earlier today, and he recommended asking you for help.”
and of course he had said yes, to your surprise. he remembers thinking, silently, that maybe the universe was rewarding him for being so patient, and he had to keep his cool the best he could. 
now here he is, actually setting something up. “would tomorrow with you?”
"yes!," you let out a nervous little laugh at your uncontrollable excitement. xiao can just picture the smile you have on your face, all shy and awkward and cute. "that would work great, I think. I really wasn't expecting you to set something up so quickly. I'm grateful though."
xiao would make the tutoring session today during the dead of night if he could. of course he would set something up so quickly.
you don't need to know that, though.
xiao hums at your words. "we… we can have our first session at my place, if you're comfortable with that." he realizes he might be coming off too strong, so he adds, "but we can have it somewhere else too." he hopes you agree to the first suggestion though.
"t-that'd be great, yeah. whatever works for you, works for me."
"I'll text you the address and the time, then… and we can discuss more sessions or a schedule and stuff further.”
"that sounds good. thank you so much again." you repeat, and he can hear the relief in your voice. it should be him thanking you, really. 
"of course. goodnight."
“goodnight!” you repeat before you both hang up. a wave of bliss strikes his body.
but he isn’t going to sleep, not yet, atleast. Instead, he’s going to stay up all night, right in front of his window, thinking of all the possible lives he’s about to live.
he’ll make sure to thank zhongli for that in the morning.
ーーー NEW MESSAGE ーーー ☆
[name]: I don't think you understand how nervous I am right now
[name]: my hands are shaking and everything
alatus: why? is something wrong?
[name]: you know how I told you how I wasn't doing the greatest in one of my courses?
alatus: of course. did something happen?
[name]: the most intimidating guy I've ever met in my life is my tutor now
[name]: and I have no idea how this first session is gonna go
alatus: I think you’ll be fine. you shouldn’t worry yourself
alatus: you should let me know how everything goes.
ーーー☆
xiao's home is, to put it simply, unique.
you were left awestruck as soon as you stepped into the small but gorgeous studio apartment, shocked by both the feeling of jealousy creeping up your spine and the thought of how someone could possibly afford such an apartment, especially as a college student. no matter how xiao manages to afford his place, though, his home daunts over you. 
there's a large window that lines the wall his bed and desk are propped up against and you can't help but imagine just how xiao would look as he looked out of it and at the bustling city. the glass is frosted and wet from the pitter pattering rain that seems to persist in the cool weather of october. it's a little messy, books scattered about here and there and takeout bags littering the table, and the amount of lighting in this room seems to be as minimal (and as cold) as can be, but it's nothing too bad at all. nothing that you could complain about, at least. 
there's so many things inside his house, so many things your eyes are drawn to, like his big bookcase and comfy bed and his expensive computer setup, and yet it feels so... lonely. devoid of life, even. maybe it's the look of the gloomy black walls and the fact that the only lighting xiao has is a tall floor lamp and the light that comes through his window, but you've never seen such a full home feel so empty. no plants except for one little succulent that's looking worse for wear, no photos of friends or family, no bright colors, no pets to breathe life into the place, no companion to help make this house a home. nothing.
you're suddenly grateful you have such a lively roommate.
it's been a few minutes since xiao had let you in, greeting you in his comfy hoodie and baggy pants, hair put up into a messy bun, before attending to something on his computer (an important email you think, or at least something along those likes, something urgent), telling you to sit wherever you'd like and that he'll be with you shortly. you had nodded while leaving your shoes at the door, asking him if his bed would be a seat he's okay with you being on, garnering a hum in response from him.
"...I'll sit here then, since it'll be close to you and stuff," you murmur, admittedly a bit more nervous and unconfident sounding than you'd like. you plop yourself onto xiao's bed, placing your bag at your feet in front of the bed for easy access. xiao takes what's meant to be a quick glance at you, but he's unable to look away.
he knows it's creepy to say, especially when you're just sitting down so innocently, but the sight is better than what he's fantasized about. he's thought of you so many times in his bed, cuddling with him and running your hands through his hair and letting him press kisses into your face and collar bones. he's thought about waking you up with breakfast and how you'd smile and thank him even if he can't cook very well, but he's willing to learn a couple recipes for you. he's thought about laying there with you after a long day, letting you ramble as he listened like he does as alatus. he's thought about how he'd great you once he comes home like you probably do with venti, watching your form as he wait on his bed for him.
and, most of all, he's thought about the way you'd cry and sob and call him a monster once the day that you find out that his bed is now yours and that this apartment is now your home, trapped forever with him, finally comes.
one day you'll be here permanently, he's sure of it. baby steps first, though.
xiao doesn't realize that in the midst of his thinking, he's been absolutely staring you down, and considering that xiao has a naturally viscous (bitchy) looking resting face, you can't help but squirm under his gaze. "xiao? I can... move, if you'd like."
"no, I just..." he clears his throat before looking back at the work in front of him. "sorry, I zoned out for a second. you can stay there if it feels comfortable. whatever you want." the words come out as a sort of awkward, almost inaudible mumble.
is this supposed to be as awkward and tense feeling as it is?
you nod at his words, albeit a little hesitant, further settling into the soft plush of his bed. your brain is still convinced that he might want you to move, but you decide to just stay where you are. you reach down from your seat, pulling out everything you would need from your bag, waiting patiently for any instructions. the soft clicking of xiao's keyboard and the sound of rain hitting against the window fill the otherwise silent room, and honestly, given the atmosphere and the way xiao's room is so dark and cozy and how warm and inviting his bed is, you're tempted to fall asleep.
xiao's presence, though nerve-wracking, makes you feel at home. it feels familiar. you wouldn't mind falling asleep near him again.
but today's (sadly) not the day for resting. xiao finishes whatever he's working on, closing out of the tab and turning his chair to face your spot on the bed. he brushes a piece of his hair back and out of the way, uncovering the eyebrow piercing the bothersome piece had previously hid. his eyes look dead, tired dark circles laying underneath, and yet he still forces himself to speak, like a zombie who simply refuses to just give up and die.
"did you have anything specific in mind that you want to go over?"
you take a second to think, humming in response. zhongli never truly specified what you needed to brush up upon, only that the last few assignments weren't up to his standards, whatever that means. "I don't know. maybe everything from the last few weeks? I'm not so sure."
he too lets out a soft little hum as he thinks for a moment. he's never tutored before, and he's pretty sure he doesn't even have the qualifications to actually be of any sort of help. he makes it up as he goes.
“on the back of your textbook, there's a study guide that covers all the chapters inside." he gently motions for you to give him the book sitting on your lap, flipping to the page before handing it back to you. "I want you to do the questions of the study guide that cover the chapters we've already read in class. then I'll... assess you from there, and we can come up with a plan.”
it seems like a lot of work, and that's because it is. the longer you spend here (the more he can milk this session for everything it's worth), the better.
you nod, moving to get to work immediately, putting your full effort into the task at hand. you both work silently, xiao clicking at his keys alongside the noise of you flipping through the pages of your textbook and jotting answers down. the noises compliment one another well, creating a lingering sense of peace and calm in the air. you find yourself getting stuck on one or two of the questions, but… surprisingly breezing through the rest, and after a while of working, you gently speak his name, alerting him that you've finished. he’s quick to take your work, starting his inspection of it. 
your hands can’t help but get a little clammy as you watch as he reads through your answers, analyzing each and every single written word. in the meantime, you’re doing a little analysis of your own, trying to distract your mind from feeling any more nervous than you realistically should. 
your eyes flick from his messy hair, to the beauty mark almost right in the middle of his forehead, then to the soft dusting of red eyeshadow under his eyes. you look at how he runs a finger against the words on the page, too, almost subconsciously, and though you can’t really tell from this angle what he’s doing, you think he’s more so tracing the letters you’ve written than using it as a means to follow along. he almost looks entranced. you don’t know what to expect from xiao, can’t even guess what he’s thinking, and the furrowed eyebrows on his face definitely don’t make you feel any better. 
you sit there, idley, awkwardly, fidgeting for what seemed like more than just a few minutes, before xiao finally speaks up. 
you can barely hear him as he speaks, his words hushed and muffled. "you... need a lot of brushing up on the content, and your answers… lack good explanations and reasoning." he hands you back your work, sending you an almost sympathetic look. "I can see why zhongli believes you need help,” he adds.
it's a lie, of course, but you don't need to know that, not when zhongli had so delicately laid down the groundwork for all of this to happen in the first place. most of your answers were just fine as is, at least from what he lightly skimmed through.
still, he can't help but feel guilty when that look of embarrassment washes over your face.
for some reason you feel yourself get overwhelmed with emotion. you thought that maybe, just maybe, zhongli was simply just messing with you, as was notorious with the man and his teaching methods. but there's a stark sense of embarrassment that comes from xiao reaffirming what zhongli had said, an embarrassment so strong it sends your entire body ablaze with heat. 
you can't help but awkwardly shift in your seat as you nod along to his words despite the way your head almost feels too heavy to lift, avoiding eye contact lest he sees you so embarrassed over something so... silly, a miniscule problem at best, something fixable with a bit of elbow grease and time, and yet it means way more than it should to you.
you've worked so hard in this class already. why aren't you improving?
he doesn’t let you really catch your breath before he speaks again. "I think we'll need a couple more sessions than we discussed earlier," he mumbles, again, as though too ashamed to speak up, flipping through his own textbook, face in his hand as he thinks. "I want to make sure we can get as much content covered as possible before the end of the semester and catch you back up, since you seem to be..." xiao takes a quick glance at you, and for a moment, just a split second, he sees you, sees inside of you, sees every little thing you've been keeping bottled up, your fear. he looks away, breath hitching out of complete and utter guilt. he forces himself to continue though.
"...behind," he finishes, the single word said notably softer than the rest of the sentence.
xiao forces himself to swallow down his guilt. truly, he feels terrible about lying about this, because you clearly seem to be doing just fine on you own and lord knows how much stress this entire ordeal is causing you, but what's the use of being presented and blessed by the gods themselves with such an amazing opportunity if his sinning hands can't take it out of greed? xiao hates it, but he's always been more of a taker than a giver, taking all he can from people and leaving nothing left of them.
the simple pure utter bliss at the thought of spending hours and hours with you, in his room, alone, intimately and in person instead of just being with you through a phone screen, extinguishes any guilt he could possibly feel.
you, on the other hand, do allow yourself to feel guilt, though it's a feeling that has much more innocent roots than what xiao feels. it's a feeling that pokes and stabs at you as you fumble for words to say. you're a much better person than xiao is in that regard. you can't help but to feel ashamed, ashamed that you were doing so terrible at a course that goes directly into your major that you would have to force xiaoー a man renowned for being a lonerー who surely would rather spend his free time by himself and not tutoring someone so out of your realm and element as you are.
maybe it's not too late after all to consider switching majors, you think.
"you seriously don't have to do that, I don't want to take more time from you than I'm already taking. honestly, I think I'm a bit of a lost cause at this point if I can't even do the simpler questions."
the truth is, not even xiao knows how scared you are. fear and dread soars through your body at the thought of ending up in the same spot you were in last year.
xiao lets out a sigh through his nose at your words, a noise that does nothing other than make you feel worse, especially when you can't read his emotions and tell what's going on in that labyrinth of a brain he has. maybe he's realized that you're not worth spending his time. maybe you really are a loss cause. maybe you really should change your major. maybe you should call it quits and drop out. maybe you should move countries, marry a rich doctor or a lawyer and spend the rest of your days as a glorified housespー
xiao doesn't let you finish your thoughts (plans), instead getting up from his chair slowly. "let's take a break." he says, and while you feel a break is a little undeserved after you haven't done much studying, you nod, thinking it might be best to just relax before jumping back into things. "taking things slowly is the better way to do things," you nod, although the words just barely register themselves in your head. you're surprisingly vulnerable with him.
"I'm... going to step out for a moment to get some air. I'll give you some time for yourself to think." you nod, giving him a small and meek thank you, genuinely so utterly grateful for all the time xiao has given you. you can't help yourself from bothering him just once more before he leaves, though.
"xiao?" you don't look up at him, eyes fixated on your answers and what must've been so wrong with them. you hear him hum, beckoning you to continue.
“do you think I'll be able to pass?”
"of course you will," he answers, and it's the first truth he's said all day.
"of course," he mumbles, this time lower, a reminder to himself of how you'd be completely fine on your own, and that he should never, ever take this opportunity for granted.
he makes a promise to himself that he won't.
----- NEW TEXT MESSAGE -----☆
zhongli: hello, [name]. xiao informed me earlier today that you two will be conducting your first study session today. I'm glad you spoke to him about tutoring like I had advised you to. how are things going?
[name]: it's going fine, he mostly just reaffirmed what you already told me though. but he's been really kind about it all, I'm grateful that he agreed to help me out.
zhongli: I see. I hope that he could give you a new perspective on things and aid you in your weak spots. xiao is an amazing student in his own right, and I'm sure that together, you two will make an amazing team. I'm glad you two are getting along.
zhongli: I'd like to give you a little heads up for a future assignment, but there will be a project upcoming where I'll be sure to partner you two up. I'm sure you two will impress me on what you come up with.
zhongli: I believe in you, [name], and I expect good things coming forward.
zhongli: I'm sure that xiao is grateful as well.
[name]: thank you.
[name]: I hope to meet your standards as best as I can.
-----☆
the apartment is even quieter than it was before without xiao.
it's lonely, too.
in a way, you used this little moment to yourself as a justification and way to figure out just what exactly is the enigma that is xiao. now that you're by yourself, you find yourself looking around at his walls, glancing over at one of the two of his cork boards that seems to have a bunch of what looks to be memorabilia of all sorts, stuff like old music concert tickets of local bands you've never heard of, polaroids with some familiar places and even some of his friends, post-it note scribbles of different tasks he has to get done, among other things.
you visualize yourself looking at the corkboard as though it's those ones in those crime movies, where you're using red yarn to connect the pieces of a story together, figuring out with all the clues you have at your disposal who xiao is.
there's other things, too. posters lining the wall and a singular cat shaped plushie on his bed, a wilted bouquet of flowers in a vase on his kitchen countertop meant for decoration, various little knick knacks on his desk, but the part of his room that catches your eye most, though, is his large, expansive bookshelf filled (a little messily) with a variety of different things, almost all of it stuff you actually recognize.
you’re halfway through looking around before you hear the door open back up again. you instinctually freeze, as of you’re a kid who’s been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. you shift your head, locking eyes with him as he steps back inside. to your surprise, he doesn’t look upset, not even annoyed, just intrigued as he watches you awkwardly shuffle away a little from the bookshelves.
you try to apologize with hast. “sorry, I wasn’t trying to snoop or anything, I swear, I was just–“
xiaos quick to interject as he walks right past you over to sit, this time on his bed instead of at his desk. “it’s fine. I don’t mind. you don’t have to apologize.” he crosses his arms once he’s situated in his seat. “do whatever you’d like.” he adds in an attempt to comfort you.
it sounds sarcastic, but you somehow can tell that it’s not. you nod, taking it as (hoping that it’s) permission to keep going. your eyes move over to the other corkboard near the bookshelves, hoping that you’re not stepping over any boundaries by doing so. this board is filled more with many different photos pinned up onto it. there’s all sorts of sites and places, things like concerts or shops or restaurants or nature– the list goes on– with a rare one or two photos with him actually in it. even rarer seemed to be other people that didn’t look like strangers in the background.
you subconsciously speak a thought aloud. “you seem to go out a lot. to really cool places, too.”
the only thing he really says in response is, “all of those aren’t recent.”
you hum in response, eyebrows furrowing a little as you nod in understanding. “oh, I see.” xiao takes it as an opportunity to ask you something even though he knows the answer already. “what about you? do you go out a lot?”
the question takes you a little aback. “I haven’t gotten out a lot recently either.” you try to think about all you’ve done recently, before realizing there’s nothing much to think about at all. you add, in truth, “…you’re honestly the first person I’ve spent time with in a while that wasn’t my roommate, but I don’t think that really counts.”
he cocks his head to the side at that answer, golden eyes staring at you (almost straight through your soul), intrigued. “why haven’t you spent time with anyone else?
a soft pang hits your heart as you think about the reason. the breakup. despite how much time has gone by, you’re still tender about the topic, and would rather not think about everything it’s caused as a result. would rather not think about him, either.
you let out a nervous laugh. “that’s a long story, I guess.” 
xiao seems dissatisfied with that answer. he’s never responded so quickly, without hesitating before.
“I have time.”
you send a look of slight confusion his way. “I thought we were going to study some more today?”
“right…” xiao let’s a lot of dead air slip in whenever he speaks, pausing and hanging onto words as if he’s doing mental calculations to figure out what the right thing to say next. “…in the future, then.”
you nod as your eye continues it’s adventure through the board before another photo catches your attention fully. it’s a pretty photo of a bunch of people standing near the docks, holding up and letting go of lanterns. it looks like, judging from the date scribbled on the bottom of the photo and the contents of the photo itself, the annual lantern rite from a few years back. you remember that day, almost vividly, too. that was your first year at the school. you and venti had gone together that year. it was magical. it seems like xiao really was never too far from you. seriously, you’re surprised you two haven’t talked sooner.
you can’t help but smile as you reminisce on that day. “I remember this exact lantern rite. there was so many people, and the lanterns were so beautiful. they always are.”
you turn around to face him, again. “how long has it been since you’ve gone to the harbor? if I lived as close as you do, I think I’d go to the harbor whenever I have time.”
it takes awhile for xiao to respond, not because he’s thinking of an answer, but because he’s transfixed on your expression right now. you seem so happy that it naturally just pulls on his heart strings. he’s glad you still remember that particular lantern rite, even though he knows you’ve gone to more since then. xiao remembers that day visibly too, but probably (definitely) not for the same you do. he wonders if you remember that part of it deep inside.
“um… since the day of that photo, probably.”
you’re a little taken aback from that answer. xiao lives on the outskirts of the harbor. how could he have not gone back in years? everything you learn about xiao makes you more and more curious as to who he is. “really?” you can’t help but ask. he can’t help but shrug.
you speak without even thinking twice once more. “would you want to go again sometime then?” your eyes dart away from his face. you can’t help but look away before you finish the question, unable to look him in the eye as you clarify, “with me, I mean.” you stumble out the words more confidently than you exprcted. 
he lets out a sigh. “there’s nothing I want from there…” it’s the truth. he hasn’t been very fond of the harbor for what has felt like centuries, especially not the memories he’s tethered to. he can’t help but to regret the accidental roughness of his words, though, when he looks up to see a flash of embarrassment paint across your face. it feels like he picked the wrong answer, but he wants to say the right one, desperately. xiao has never been great at talking, but he’s trying, for you. “but if you’d like… I’d like to go with you.”
you try to hide the way your heart picks up the pace a little at his words. “let’s go soon, then. I can tell you about myself, and you can tell me about you, too.”
he nods, and for a split second you think you’ve gone insane, because you swear, swear, that for a few seconds, the corner of xiao’s lips curve softly into a smile. a smile! smiling at the thought of you two ‘hanging out’ in the future! for all the times you’ve seen xiao, you can maybe only count on one hand how many times you’ve seen him smile. 
“you want to learn about me?” he asks, earnestly, shocked, and it definitely wasn’t a question you were expecting.
“yeah, I mean I've always seen you around. I think we've even been in the same classes before this year, too, and now I’m getting tutored by you  and I still know pretty much nothing about you.” you pause before adding on, “I’d love to learn more. I hope that’s not weird, or anything.”
he shakes his head, the ghost of a smile still etched onto his lips. and if you looked closely (which luckily for him, you weren’t), you’d see the faint dust of blush decorating his cheeks, too. “I don’t have much to tell you, but… that sounds good.”
he feels embarrassed at the fact he can’t control how warm his cheeks feel and how he can’t help but crack a smile at you. he clears his throat, trying to reset himself, suddenly ready to move on, going back to his desk. 
“let’s keep working, I want to make the most out of the time we have together.” he doesn’t look at you as he speaks. you mentally brace yourself for another study session with him.
it’s gonna be a long night.
ーーー NEW MESSAGE ーーー ☆
ven: where have you been?
ven: haven’t seen you all day……….. ):
ven: my flower, the house is so empty without you……….. ))):
ven: are you with somebody? you never tell me these things anymore.
ven: talk to me soon, please.
ーーー ☆
it's late into the night when you're awakened rudely with a few desperate knocks against your bedroom door.
you can't help but groan as you stir awake, upset to be forced out of your dream state, although that irritation is soon replaced with guilt once you realize just why you were being awakened with such urgency in the first place. after whining out a loud, 'come in,' you peak your eyes open to see your best friend standing in your doorway, tears staining his face so much that they're visible even in the darkness.
shit. it's been so long since you've seen venti like this. you thought all of that was over ages ago.
"can I sleep with you tonight?" his voice is shakey yet gentle, filled with fear and something that you can only label as... need, as if he needs you more than he ever has. just his voice alone, paired with the way he looks so in the doorway while he's shivering and fiddling with his pajamas, hair looking almost as distraught as he's feeling, is enough to have you too stunned to speak.
"please?" he adds on when you don't reply immediately.
you nod, scooting over to make room for him as he slowly trudges to your bed like he's done many times before. he's quick to settle in under the covers with you, laying against the plush pillow underneath him. you move closer to him as though it's instinct, an action done out of retained muscle memory from the many nights you've spent doing this exact thing. your eyes, though half lidded and heavy, trace over his face over and over again, noting how his eyes look back at you and you can't help but think that venti is such an expressive person. even if he's so silent right now, his eyes are cloudy and storming, speaking a thousand words with the thunder that rings out within them.
he looks like he's trying to think of what to say, but he doesn't need to say a single thing. you already know why he's here.
his face is contorted in a way that almost showcases utter agony, and it hurts, hurts to see your best friend suffering, especially when the best you can do is guide your hand softly against the smooth the skin of his cheek and brushing away any tears in pity. if nothing else, you truly do hope that, at the very least, your presence can help.
“do you maybe want to talk about it?” you run your hand through his soft, pretty dyed blue locks that seem to almost glow in the moonlight, feeling the light moisture of his skin from his sweat. you’ve forgotten just how easy it always has been to brush your hand through his locks. your voice is gentle and low as if not to startle him, as if not to shatter him more than he already is. “you know you don’t have to, but you can always talk to me if you need to.”
“no, it’s okay... I just want to be with you right now.” his voice is meek as he chooses his words carefully as though they're meticulously chosen to pull at your heartstrings (they do), and he sounds like he’s on the brink of tears once more.
“is it the same dream as before?” you ask, remembering how many nights you've spent with venti just like this when he began getting frequent ‘nightmares’ awhile back, nightmares that till this day you don't know the contents of.
he nods, although hesitantly, as though it’s some sort of secret. and in a way, it is.
he could never, ever, ever tell you that you’re the cause of all of his nightmares after all.
“are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? you look really upset. you've never told me what makes you like this.”
“no, I just want to… I just want to stay like this for a while.”
“okay, ven,” you whisper, soft and quiet, as if your voice could shatter him whole. you pause, thinking of what to say, before you decide that you won’t prode any further, instead bidding him a goodnight. “I love you, venti. get some rest.”
for the first time in maybe months, venti doesn’t tell you he loves you back.
instead he burrows himself as deep as humanly possible, as if being torn away from you would kill him, just like the way his dreams pulled and tugged ruthlessly at his heart strings, shoving images of you with your new 'tutor' down his throat, like they had with him months and months ago.
how cruel is it that he's forced to see you being ripped away from him both in real life and in his dreams?
-----☆
you're half asleep when you feel him mumble into your skin.
"I miss you. I miss this." he whispers, but you can barely hear him. he misses the way you feel, how comforting you smell, how his hands connect with your body like they're puzzle pieces. he misses having all your attention on him like this, so quick to coo and ask if he's okay. everything’s changed from how it used to be.
"what?"
you feel venti's hands slip under your shirt, feeling the warm skin of your back as he slowly trails his hands up and down, basking in the way that you feel. "I miss you, cecilia. especially today." his voice isn't shakey anymore. instead it's much more fluid, as though he never had the night terrors that brought him into your room to begin with. you can't help but frown at his words even in your sleepy state.
"venti..." you mumble out, feeling his hands start to dig themselves into your skin. his grip on your waist is tightー not enough for it to hurt, but just enough that it keeps you from pushing him away if you really wanted to, trapping and suffocating you, bordering the lines of sucking the air out of your lungs.
part of you wishes he wouldn't keep things so bottled up from you, because clearly, your constant 'absence' in his life is hurting him more than you'll ever be able to understand, but the more selfish part of you is shamefully grateful that he is. you love venti, but for a man who constantly champions for freedom, he's always been so dead set on taking away yours.
you know deep down that if you gave venti an inch, he'd take a mile, and you don't have many miles left to give. you could spend twenty-four hours of a day with venti and he would still want you to somehow spend twenty-five on him. as much as you love ventiー truly, you love him more than anything else in the worldー, you know it'd be better if you didn't indulge him as much as you want him to. lord knows how quick venti would be to turn you into a hollow, empty shell of yourself by taking every second you have all for himself if he could.
besides, this whole thing will blow over eventually after the party, right?
right?
"I know that I've already whined and complained about it, but god, I miss you. you were gone for so long today with someone I don't even know… seeing you occasionally here and there isn't enough for me. I..." venti somehow manages to pull his body even closer to you, your chest and his chest plush against each other, so close that you can feel the way it rises as he breathes slowly. "I know I'm selfish, but I need you."
he says the word 'need' as if he'd die without you.
you don't think this is a conversation you two should be having when you're so... out of it, exhausted.
"venti, can we talk about this in the morning?"
his grip slowly loosens. "...okay." he says the word slowly and hesitantly, as if he's a child saying a cuss word for the first time, as if agreeing to put his feelings aside until you're in a much more lucid and conscious state is a sin. "I'm... I'm sorry for bothering you and being so clingy and... I just..." venti swallows thickly. "goodnight," venti mumbles, choosing not to finish his thought.
your eyebrows furrow, something about this whole conversation feeling off to you. never in a million years would venti have been so... upfront, apart from the day he invited you to the party. it's like venti's slowly unraveling like a string, just one little tug away from snapping.
it wouldn't be the first time venti's snapped on you though. you need to mend things and shut off the ticking time bomb before things blow up in your face again, like when you...
like when you...
ugh. you'll think about all of this later when you're actually well-rested and capable of forming cohesive thoughts. you softly mumble out a goodnight to venti as well, praying that the storm will blow off soon enough.
it doesn't, though. the winds only get stronger and louder.
ーーー☆
venti wasn't in your room by the time you woke up. infact, he wasn't in the apartment at all. not in his room, not in the kitchen or in the bathroom getting ready, nowhere. he didn't even leave a text telling you where he went.
you guess that venti needs time to think after last night, and you decide that it's probably for the best.
you'll see him again later anyways.
ーーー☆
it's cold out today, october's chill punishing you for wearing too light of a sweater for the weather, but the freezing temperature of the classroom during today's lecture isn't the cause of the way you squirm in your seat out of discomfort. no, you have professor zhongli to take credit for that.
you're convinced that zhongli gets a kick out of giving you borderline heart attacks.
honestly, that isn't exactly far from the truth. there's something about the way your eyes flicker in complete, utter fear just by him saying, "[name], may you please see me after class? there's something I'd like to discuss with you," that sends shivers down his spine, as egregious as that may sound. it's a shameful feeling for a professor to have, but at least he has much more innocent intentions this time as opposed to the last time he's asked you to stay behind.
the request was given to you right at the start of class (which you were actually on time to, thank god) before he began with his lecture. and once again, you couldn't help but think about just what exactly zhongli wanted to discuss with you throughout the entire lecture, almost too busy coming up with theories to focus. all you can think is, did you do something wrong again? was the assignment you turned in last night bad? all that studying you did with xiao couldn’t have been for nothing, right? you're going to fail the semester at this rate.
you wish zhongli was more dead set on helping you pass like last year than assuring that you failed.
you can’t help but call back to that time. you had been much worse off back then. you were visibly behind everyone else, but it hadn't started that way. so much was happening back then. and that breakup, oh that fucking break up, really made focusing on your school work beyond difficult. you truly did put up a fight, tried to make sure you stayed afloat, and it did work at first. but your responsibilities drowned you completely, and you never really learned how to swim.
it was a rough semester, and one of your classes had been taught by the very same man taking great pleasure in ruining you today. your one saving grace? once again, the very same man, who had seemed to take enough pity onto you that he took matters into his own hands to make sure you did well.
you stood out back then, not because you shone bright, but because you didn't shine at all.
zhongli wanted to light that fire back in you that you had at the start of the year. and he had.
zhongli had took you under his wing, struck you with passion and drive, made you fall in love all over again with the topic you were studying through his ramblings and stories and sheer utter knowledge; he revitalized you, filled a hole. he had kept you after class and in his office on weekends, making time to make sure that you succeeded and through his gentle nurturing that was the hot to his own cold. you had succeeded, to your surprise. and he had looked after you ever since.
it was silly for you to believe that he would grace you with the same mercy this course.
but things are different now. so much more different. you were grateful back then for him striving to push you to do better, but now it's overwhelming. back then, his standards were achievableー finish your assignments on time as often as you could, study a little when you can, at least attempt to attend every class you had. it was doable. but now, now you're almost convinced he wants you to become borderline perfectー no, perfect is an understatement. he wants you to be better than perfect.
perfect, and vulnerable.
back then it felt as though he was trying to help you but now, the back of your mind can't help but tell you that he's always been helping himself, benefiting himself, not you.
it was at the start of this school year that you let yourself fall right into the dragon's lair.
either way, maybe it's the fact that your mind was so occupied, or maybe time simply just decided to speed up, but the class flew by in no time. you had practically tuned out all of zhongli's ramblings and teachings today. you watched zhongli dismiss the class, staying seated despite the way everyone else shuffled out of the door as quickly as possible. once again, it was just you and zhongli in the empty room.
fuck.
zhongli walks to the front of your desk, running a hand through his hair before letting out a long sigh, and you never knew how such a little harmless action could strike so much fear into your heart. could you just combust already? you're not at all ready for whatever zhongli has to say.
"what a long class we had today, hm? I hope I didn't bore you too much. you looked particularly distracted." zhongli says, smiling gently at you as he attempts to brighten the gloomy mood you're clearly in. "luckily, though, I've been excited to talk to you all class. you truly were my saving grace today."
is this some kind of sick joke? you were kidding when you thought zhongli must get pleasure out of your failure, but you might actually be right.
gross.
"don't worry, though, I didn't keep you after class just to complain. I'll get to the point, since I know you hate pointless chatter."
"I know it's far too early to say this, but I'm proud of you, [name]."
that caring nature still shines through, the strict professor he's supposed to be eroded and washed away by time itself.
your eyebrows furrow. "what?" you can’t help but let the word slip out of your mouth in the midst of your confusion.
"the assignment you gave in last night, truly one of your best works this semester. you never fail to amaze me with how fast you manage to make a turnaround when you put your mind to it, [name]."
the assignment? the one you worked on last night at the last second despite having over a week to do it after studying with xiao that you had to keep your eyes pried open to complete? the one xiao had borderline picked apart a dozen times as though trying to break you down even more? that assignment?
what?
"but I... what? if it was any good, it's likely only because xiao was there to help me." you mumble, unsure of your words.
"so? are you really diminishing your accomplishments just because you got a little aid?" zhongli plants a hand on your cheek like he has a dozen times in the past before guiding your face to look up at him. "or are you trying to say that it was xiao who had done your assignment, not you?"
"o-of course he didn't, but-" zhongli is quick to shush you, pressing a gloved thumb against your lips with a soft smile.
"shh. you did well, and that's final. I hope this pattern continues. you know I want nothing but the best for you after seeing what you can achieve." his gloved hand caresses your cheek and you're convinced he can feel the heat your face is producing out of embarrassment even through the layer of fabric. "my little star, you're doing well again." he adds quietly, so quietly that you can just barely make it out, though the nickname is far less shocking than the praise that your brain is still trying to make sense of.
"before I let you go, I just wanted to reiterate that should you ever need my assistance with anythingー and I mean anything at all, whether it's related to your academics or notー know that I am and always will be here."
"I... thank you." it's the only words you can come up with as zhongli leaves you alone with your thoughts. "thank you," you repeat, speaking the words much more quietly. in a hushed whisper.
in the back of your mind, you realize that you should be thinking about how odd it is for zhongli to suddenly be so sugary sweet, how he's touched you so much more intimately than a professor should, how his little nickname for you is weird at best, and yet all you can think about is how he's proud of you.
for some reason, that's all that really matters to you in the moment. you can think about... all that other stuff, later.
ーーー☆
it's almost pitch dark out by the time you finally get home. 
"I'm home!" you shout out as soon as you step through the front door, voice a little breathy after having to climb up a few flights of stairs to get up to your apartment, alerting venti that you've arrived in a way akin to how married couples do. you're quick to lock the door behind you, stripping yourself of your shoes that feel more like weights before placing them in the shoe rack near the door and putting your heavy bag down next to venti's violin case, deciding you'll bother with getting whatever you need out of there when you feel like it. you wince a little at the cold tiles of the floor underneath your feet.
maybe one day you'll move into a place with an actual heater, you think.
"I'll be there in just a second!" venti's voice rings out from what you assume is the bathroom down the hall, likely showering given the pitter-pattering sound of running water. you nod, as though responding to him despite the fact he can't see you, flicking on the light switch to the kitchen as you do so. the kitchen table immediately grabs your attention with how different it looks compared to how you left it this morning. two orange pumpkins sit at the center, and alongside it lays an unopened package of carving tools and another package of tea lights, a brown bag filled with what looks to be some house decor and knick knacks (venti truly does love trying to make your run-down apartment as much of a true home as possible), and a bag of groceries yet to be put away.
you sit down at the medium sized wooden table, allowing yourself to rest and bask in the day as you look through everything infront of you. it's been awhile since you've just sat in silence and thought, and even longer since you let yourself really live in this home without just heading straight to your room. your nails drill against the table, pushing one of the two pumpkins closer to you with a soft hum. you trace a finger against it, imaginging what'd you want to carve on it and how it'd glow after you put a candle inside.
this year you should do something new, get a little more fancier with the design that you have in the previous years that you craved a pumpkin. maybe you and venti will carve matching jack-o-laterns this year. you can't help but smile at the thought.
"they're cute, aren't they?"
you tense up when you feel a hand on your shoulder, but you instantly relax when you turn your head to see venti. you guess you were so lost in thought you hadn't heard him come out of the bathroom. you drink in his presence, giving him a glance over out of instinct. the smell of his apple-cinnamon bodywash assault your senses in an oddly comforting way, a scent that makes you feel right at home. he's in a pair pajamas and cute bunny slippers, and his hair is clipped up in a pretty half up, half down ponytail. the blue dyed tips of his hair are losing their signature color (which is odd, considering that despite his inherit laziness, venti's always been one to make sure those tips stay bright blue at all costs) and his skin looks a little damp.
a gummy smile paints his face, and he has a bit of a playful glint in his eye, but he looks notably tired, and a sense of worry pings at your heart at the sight. you were the roommate notorious for having bags under your eyes afterall, not him, so to see him look so exhausted, especially when venti's always been one for getting his 'beauty sleep,' tells you that venti internally isn't feeling his best. it sounds shallow, judging someone's mental health based on their appearance, but you know venti like the back of your hand, and you know that something's wrong.
even moreso, you know exactly what that wrong thing is, given last night's conversation.
"I got them at the grocery store today. thought it might be fun to carve them together before they go bad. that is, if you want to grace me with your undivided time and attention, of course." venti pretends he's joking, but you know deep down he means the sentiment of wanting you to give him your time for once, and you honestly feel awful at his words. nonetheless, you suck it up, smiling up at him. it's a genuine smile.
"why wouldn't I? it is tradition after all. I'm going to make mine extra scary this year."
venti laughs at your words, his heart internally flutter at the thought of how determined your face would look as you try to create the spookiest jack-o-latern he's ever seen. he leans down, pressing a soft, platonic peck to your forehead, finally giving you a welcome home.
"you're home later than usual again, everything go okay?"
you can't help but notice that venti is acting as if he had never said what he said last night, though the air between you is still awkward and tense, and his face does little to hide the fact that deep down, he's still quelling on the things he spoke about. nonetheless, you decide that that conversation is to be had when venti wants it to happen, knowing full well from years of being his best friend that venti prefers keeping a lighter mood at all costs, so you leave things at that until he's ready to speak about it again.
"yeah, I just thought that I'd try to get some work done while I could at campus," you answer, watching as he nods slowly at your words. you can tell he's fighting back the urge to interrogate you, to ask you if you were with anybody and if you really needed to stay at campus, and anything else he can use as a way to rationalize the fact that he's so clingy. he looks around the room, thinking about what else he could say to make sure the conversation doesn't end prematurely.
"oh! I ordered some takeout a bit before you came home. it's still hot, if you want to eat."
you nod, thanking him, and you can tell he's trying to read you, to figure out just how exactly he can stay with you longer without him bringing up anything you two talked about last night. he stands there, presence lingering as though he has something to say, and yet he chooses not to say whatever's on his mind, instead preferring to pick up the unopened bottle of dandelion wine on the nearby kitchen counter.
"you seem all set. I'll get going now, then. I have an urgent date with a bottle of wine that I can't miss for the world." venti moves quickly to leave as though trying to make sure you don't see through to him, turning his back to you without another word, but he doesn't get too far before he's freezing up at your words.
"you're not gonna stay and chat?" you say instinctively, a little surprised by the fact he was so quick to come and go today. you don't know what it is about today, but the thought of venti forcing himself to go when he clearly doesn't want to pains you. maybe it was last night's conversation, or maybe it's how venti radiates warmth that fights against the biting cold that nips at your skin, or maybe you just miss venti, but you want him here with you.
venti turns around slowly, his voice low as he speaks. "oh..." he starts off, "I thought you would've wanted to eat alone like all the other nights," you almost let out a wince at his words. how long has it really been since you last simply hung out with venti? "do you... want me to stay?" you let out a gentle hum.
"I want you here tonight. I want to talk to you."
"about what?"
you think about everything you'd want to tell venti, and you realize that that's exactly it; you want to tell him everything and anything you can. you want to tell him about your new tutor who turned out to be a lot less scary than you were expecting him to be, or that new coffee shop a friend had told you about that opened up near by that you'd love to tell him about, or how zhongli was actually kind to you today. but you also want venti to tell you everything too, about any escapades he's had recently while drunk or new songs he's written, or even how his classes are going and if he's thinking of going to any other parties soon.
you realize that, as much as you'd hate to admit it to yourself, you miss just being with venti a lot too.
"everything," you finally reply after thinking, grinning up at his hesitant form.
"everything? really? this isn't a ploy to tell me horrific news or to try to get out of going to that party, is it?"
"no, I promise. I'm honestly a bit offended you'd think I'd ever be so cruel as to try to get out of going to such an amazing party," you joke.
venti playfully rolls his eyes at your words, but he can't help the smile that creeps up his face. his smile is bright like a star, warm enough for a planet to survive off of, eyelids crinkling at the corners of his eyes as he puts the bottle in his hand down befofe he pulls up one of the kitchen chairs, the legs screeching against the floor so that he's sitting infront of you. he leans in close to you as though you were about to tell him the greatest story known to man. you can't help but feel warm and fuzzy inside. venti's smile, his real and genuine smile, gives you a feeling like no other. it makes you feel whole, like none of your problems neither exist nor matter and that everything in this world is perfect.
"okay then, dove, tell me everything."
ーーー NEW TEXT MESSAGE ーーー☆
alatus: can you believe it's almost sunday already?
[name]: holy shit, time is going by so fast
[name]: I'm so excited to meet you in person
alatus: I'm excited too.
[name]: I can't believe I've known you for over a year and I'm only going to get to see your face now
[name]: I swear, if you're just some creep...
alatus: I promise I'm not.
alatus: well, maybe.
[name]: ha ha, very funny.
[name]: but seriously, it honestly feels like I've known you for forever.
alatus: maybe you have and you just never noticed
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thisgirlnamedblusy · 5 months ago
Note
Can you make a story where reader protected Donna from danger that almost cost her life. Donna manage to save her but reader hs been unconscious for a weeks. While she's taking of her, Donna couldn't forget what almost happened to her lover. This became worst because of the severe mental illness that Donna has, but this time she's actually losing her sanity at this point but still clinging to the reader because she's the only one can make her sane. Miraculously the reader woke up, still injured but alive. Donna felt a sense of peace in her soul.
Note: Reader almost died because a soldier tried to kill Donna but she save her. The soldier is possibly a BSAA agent.
It's in Donna's POV, I want to see things her perspective especially when she starts breaking down.
Donna is also shy and weak not like most of her siblings so she struggled with this to.
Yesss!!!! Thank you for your request!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! :))))
Come back
Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader
Warnings: Angst, fluff, Donna's POV, mental health issues, Donna being Donna
Word count: 5,650
Summary: Please, let you light come back to my darkness...
N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours!!! I love you all!!! :))
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“Come on, Donna, it's just a walk,” you said in a tender voice, with those eyes you knew perfectly well I couldn't resist.
I sighed, shook my head and fought the gentle tugs you gave to my hand.
“We, we're better off at home,” I murmured, looking away and causing you to sigh tiredly.
Your pleading look didn't change.
“Come on, today is a too great day to be locked up in this horri… I mean, wonderful, dark house,” you said jokingly, swinging my hand with yours. “Please…”
“(Y/N),” I said a bit nervous, shaking my head again but, surprisingly, starting to think about your offer, as always.
You always did with me what you wanted, and I let you. I would do anything for you, always, (Y/N), always.
“Is that a yes?” you asked with a sufficient smile, completely ignoring my protests. I wish, (Y/N), I wish for once, you hadn't insisted.
“I didn't say yes,” I said, frowning, gently pulling you along, with an amused sigh.
“Now you did,” you joked in my ear.
How could I refuse?
“W, well, okay, okay...” I whispered defeated, unable to make you see how comfortable I was at home. I don’t liked going outside. Of course, you were always there to make those fears, which you said were irrational, disappear.
You jumped for joy and stole a kiss from me, one that relaxed my nerves even more. Your kisses had that effect on me, a wonderful effect. I returned it, unable to do anything but look at your eyes, your smile. You were my only addiction.
With a brief triumphant smile, you walked towards the door and I followed you, reaching out for my black veil, the one I never left off if I had to go out for some reason. I already knew I was a monster, you did too, but you denied it, you always denied it.
“Hey, no, leave it there,” you said, giving me a gentle slap to get me to let the veil go before I cover my face.
“But, but, (Y/N)… I have, I have to…” I stammered, trying to make you understand that I needed that veil, that the sunlight was a privilege that someone like me didn't deserve.
No, the world didn't need to see my deformed face.
I couldn't stop you from seeing it, but I could stop nature from being disturbed by my horrible appearance.
“It’s just a walk through the grounds. There's no one around here, you don't need it,” you said in a soft, comforting tone, definitely moving the cloth out of my reach.
I, in my perpetual madness, tried to snatch it from you, without success.
“Donna, stay still,” you said, this time with a firm voice, forcing me to remain paralyzed and nod defeated once again. “That's it... Good girl,” you whispered, pleased by my answer, by my shoulders falling helplessly and my slightly angry look.
“You like to make me suffer,” I hissed, unable, again, to face your decisions.
Deep down I knew you did it for me, you always did it for me.
“Yes, yes, I like to make you suffer...” you repeated rolling your eyes, without letting the smile disappear from your face. “Stop complaining and come here,” you ordered softly, gesturing with your hand. “Come on, come here.”
A bit reluctant, but motivated by that look, by that smile, I obeyed, grabbing your hand again as we left the estate. It was the first time in a long time that I could see the sun clearly, and it was blinding.
“If you feel sick, you get nervous or want to go back, just tell me, okay?” you said as we walked.
“I want to go back,” I whispered, in an embarrassingly childish tone. You laughed amused, arching your eyebrows and squeezing my hand tighter.
“You’ll see how good the fresh air is for you,” you said, ignoring my protest and kissing me on the cheek. “Besides, I’m here with you, holding your hand very tightly, see?”
I looked down, distrustful, looking at our intertwined fingers, my hand next to yours, fused into one. I don't know how you did it, but your advice always worked, relaxing my spirit.
Before I met you, I thought my life had only one purpose, one that I even doubted: to exist, to attend to the requests of my savior, Mother Miranda. Being named Lord was not a relevant change in my life.
I spent all those years alone, as if the world itself had forgotten me. I cannot be surprised by that. I, Donna Beneviento, never knew the meaning of appreciation, affection, love...
My misfortunes haunted me. I was unable to escape from my demons, from the illness that damaged my mind. Feeling powerful, with control over people should have been enough to give meaning to my life, but it wasn't.
The hours, the days, the weeks... Not even the passage of time had meaning in my old estate, I wonder if it ever did. No, nothing in my life could keep me away from the darkness, nothing could silence the voices in my head, my cries in front of the mirror, the nightmares…
Angie was a good support, but it wasn't enough. I guess my father thought the same when he gave her to me. It's a shame that she didn't serve any purpose. It was just to increase my problems.
People, conversations, human contact… All this stuff always sounded like something impossible in my head. I was aware that there couldn't be anyone, that no one would be able to understand me.
Solitude became my name. Isolation was my home. A horrendous monster, was my appearance.
I had already assumed my sentence, my sentence for existing, for being born in that cursed place, in that cursed family. There would be no remedy for my soul, or so I thought.
Then you came.
(Y/N), a girl from the village who dedicated herself to weaving, to selling her fabrics. What a curious coincidence. I needed those fabrics, you made them. Always, even before I met you, you had something I needed, something I craved.
Love was a dream for me. I could only get close to it in my books, in my dreams where a female hand held mine.
Was it your hand from the beginning? I have no doubt.
But, thanks to you, I knew what it meant to have someone by your side, someone who… loved you. Maybe it wasn't hard for me to fall in love with someone like you, a beautiful, smiling, cheerful girl… However, I still wonder what you could see in someone like me, (Y/N).
 I was, I’m a monster.
Your lips silenced my doubts with a kiss, one you gave me under my black veil. You said you never cared about what was underneath, you only cared about knowing if I was as crazy about you as you were about me.
I was, really, I was.
Loving you was easy, the fear of losing you wasn't. You should have abandoned me when my demons forced me to yell at you, to hurt myself. You didn't, you never left.
Like an angel I never had, your presence illuminated me. It revealed to me the little light left in my soul. Your hand, the one I dreamed of before I met you, held mine tightly to calm me down, to return to being that good monster you wanted to kiss.
The little sanity left in my tormented soul was like a thin thread that your perfect hands held. There came a point where I couldn't, I didn't want to live without you.
“Are you okay?” you asked, taking me out of my thoughts, entering that dark forest, walking slowly, in silence.
I nodded, smiling as I remembered you, as I thought about that first kiss, about all the ones that came after, about all the things you showed me. You showed me to love, and to be loved, just thinking about it could make my deformed face smile.
“I was just thinking,” I said, clearing my throat.
You nodded slowly, leaning towards me, resting your head on my shoulder, sighing in conjunction with the calm of that forest.
“Nice things, I hope,” you joked with a purr.
“Of course, tesoro, I was thinking about you,” I said whispering, making your cheeks blush while your gaze became shy.
Silence was our company again. That walk was certainly not a bad idea. Nothing could be bad if it was with you.
“You are very sweet, Donna,” you sighed, stopping and turning my head to give me one of your kisses, a gift much more divine than the Black Gods themselves.
“I try,” I said amused, moving your hair out of your face. I hated it. I hated seeing how the locks got in the way of your beauty.
Did you also feel the same when I put on the veil? No, impossible, you were an angel, I was the devil, a monster.
“Look, let's sit down, the sun is about to set,” you said, changing that sweetness into enthusiasm, pulling my hand towards the edge of a cliff, where an old tree seemed to catch your attention. “Come, sit down.”
I looked at you strangely, but I nodded, obeying you. I would always be faithful to you, (Y/N), I would do everything you asked me to do.
You let yourself fall in front of me, leaning against my body, completely relaxed.
“Are you comfortable, tesoro?” I asked, trying not to disturb the romantic atmosphere of that place with my husky voice. You laughed, looked at me, and shook your head.
“No,” you said abruptly, searching for something with your gaze. You located my arms, grabbing them and passing them around your waist, snuggling among them. “Now I am.”
You were right, it was a beautiful sunset. Maybe it was because you were beautiful. Gods, I love you so much…
“Donna,” you said, interrupting that relaxing calm, playing with my hands with a playful expression.
“Mm?” I murmured, resting my head on your shoulder, kissing you slowly on your soft cheek along with shy laughs.
“Come on, do it,” you said, moving away and looking at me expectantly. I frowned, confused.
“What?” I asked amused. Your cheeks blushed even more.
“You know…” you said with a soft voice, with shining eyes. “Speak to me in Italian, you know I love it,” you asked me, biting your lip.
I opened my mouth to fulfill your wishes once again, but some unpleasant cawing prevented me from doing so. The crows that used to rest in the trees of the forest flew away. It didn't take a genius to know that this was a bad omen.
“Wow…” you said, looking at the birds, curious like me. “What's wrong with those birds?”
“I, I don't know,” I said with a different look, worried.
My hands were starting to shake. It was time to go home.
“There are no lycans around here, right?” you asked, getting up scared by the strange behavior of the forest animals.
“No,” I said, standing up as well, looking around for the source of that horrible feeling that was starting to run through my body. It was like someone was watching us.
“I have a bad feeling,” you whispered, as if you too were focused on a danger you couldn’t see.
“Me too, let’s go home,” I said, grabbing your hand, almost pulling you along, heading back to the path that led us back to the safety of my darkness.
“Donna, wait,” you said, planting your feet on the ground, stopping abruptly. “Have you heard that?”
I shook my head nervously, grabbing your hand again. The chills were getting more intense. You, horrified by something, stopped again with your eyes wide open.
“Don’t, don't shoot,” you said with your hands up, looking towards a corner, where an armed man was crouching, with what looked like a rifle pointed at us.
“Get away, civilian,” that masked man said, focusing his attention on me.
I was paralyzed. I didn't know how to react to that strange threat.
“Donna, watch out!” you screamed, lunging at me just as a thunderous shot echoed in the forest, followed by a flash of light. There was no doubt, that man had come to kill me.
“Back, stay back (Y/N),” I said, pushing you away from my body and dodging another shot. I should have noticed you, I should have.
“Shit,” the man whispered, trying to reload his gun. It was too late for that poor bastard.
I walked slowly, keeping my monstrous gaze on that strange mask. He was going to pay for what he had done, no doubt. With a strange calm, which I needed to use my powers, I extended my hand towards him. He couldn't see my face, but I knew that I terrified him.
“Wait, wait,” the poor man begged, crawling on the ground, throwing away his gun and trying to flee.
Soon my powers began to take effect, forcing him to writhe in pain for things that didn't exist, to grab his gun, point it at his head, and pull the trigger, ending his existence forever.
“Bastardo…” I hissed, kicking the lifeless body of what was, without a doubt, a soldier.
“Donna…” you said, in low voice, crouched on the ground, hunched over yourself.
I looked at you, still filled with the adrenaline that came from using my gift. I ran towards you, I bent down to help you up, but when I looked at my hands, there was only blood on them.
On your belly there was a wound, a wound caused by that weapon, by that stupid act of throwing yourself at me.
 Once again, I was paralyzed, horrified, I only saw blood, your blood.
“(Y/N), (Y/N),” I said nervously, checking your condition.
Your eyes danced, your skin paled dangerously. My hand pressed your wound to stop the red flow that stained it. No, it couldn't be possible, it was a nightmare.
“Donna…” you sighed, letting yourself fall into my arms, losing strength. I didn't know what to do. I was just trying to keep the light that wanted to leave your gaze. “I saved you…” you whispered with a smile, before fainting completely.
“No, no, no, no…” I repeated furiously, holding your head up high and my hand on your wound, looking for help with my eye, a help that wasn't going to come. “(Y/N)!” I screamed furiously, passing my hand over my forehead, bathing it in your blood.
Do something, stupida…
The voices in my head rebuked me for my frustration, forcing me to take your unconscious body in my arms, running you back to the home we should never have left.
“Resisti, (Y/N), per favore…”
I couldn't say how I got home. All I saw was blood, your blood desecrating your beauty. All because of me, all, because, of, me.
“In… In… In a coma?” I asked when Mother Miranda, in her eternal mercy, came to my call for help. The priestess looked at me after bandaging your unconscious body.
“The bullet has pierced part of her spleen, be thankful she's not dead,” she whispered, closing a briefcase and looking at me with hatred, with the hatred of not being able to save you, surely.
I, still nervous, soaked in your blood, couldn't stop shaking, I couldn't think of seeing you like that, almost lifeless in bed, with your beautiful eyes closed, would I ever be able to see them again?
“Did you kill him?”  Miranda asked, distracting me from the task of squeezing your hand, like you taught me, like you told me all problems passed. “Donna!”
“Yes, yes,” I answered without looking at her. I should have been grateful to her, but I couldn't, I could only hate myself.
“Fine...” the blonde sighed, with that golden glow blinding my eye. “That rat has been causing problems for a while now. I guess it finally got what it deserved.”
I suddenly let your hand go and got out of bed, furious at what those words implied.
“Did you know? Did you know that bastardo was lurking around?” I asked furiously, feeling my temples throbbing as if, without your hand squeezing mine, I would lose control of my actions.
“Shh, calm down,” Miranda said, with a grimace of disgust, without moving, without blinking. Stoic, all-mighty  as always. “Of course I knew. The BSAA never gets tired, right? I assumed it wouldn’t be a problem for you.”
“Not for me…” I whispered, squinting, clenching my red fists tightly. “And for her?!”
“Stop, yelling, Donna,” the witch said, pressing her eyes shut with her fingers, again, not even slightly fazed by my behavior. “I couldn't possibly know that your girl was going to play heroes.”
I growled furiously, pacing erratically around the room, thinking of a thousand ways to kill my adoptive mother, to end it all, to make everything go up in the air. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't stand that you had risked your pure life to save a monster's. Anything but that.
“I'll come back next week to check on her,” the blonde said, disinterested. Of course, you were a mortal, she didn't care about you.
I cursed all her ancestors. I really wished that her body and her golden robes would fall down the waterfall where my family died.
“Take care of her in the meantime, or kill her, I don't care,” she whispered, making me growl in horror. “But I don't want you to give me any trouble, is that clear?”
When Miranda disappeared, everything collapsed around me, my body collapsing against one of the bedroom walls. There was no more laughter, no more gasps, no more moans of passion in the dark bedroom. Only my agonized crying echoed off the walls while my hands pulled at my hair, hitting the floor in rage. A pathetic scene that I couldn't avoid.
When I managed to calm down, I saw that Angie was next to me, as always.
“Is she dead?” the doll asked unpleasantly pointing at your inert body. I shook my head, realizing that I had hurt myself, that the blood dripping from my head was mixing with yours on my hands.
“No!” I shouted, angrily pushing the puppet away. “She's not…” I said, this time sobbing, burying my head in my hands, sinking into my knees the shame of not being able to save you.
“Bad Donna, stupid Donna!” Angie protested, damaging my ears.
I was about to, about to deactivate her, but I needed her, I needed someone to speak for me, someone to keep reason in my head, to keep madness away from my sick mind.
“I'm sorry,” I said, getting up from the floor coldly. Angie nodded without resentment and climbed into bed next to you.
I approached slowly, taking your hand in mine, squeezing it again like you taught me.
“She's asleep, huh?” Angie said, getting too close. I controlled my impulse to mistreat her again, with an absurd idea in my head.
If you were asleep, that meant I could wake you up, right?
“Wake up, wake up…” I whispered, caressing your cheeks, your soft, addictive skin. There was no response and I took a breath again, resting my hands on your shoulders. “Come on, tesoro, wake up…”
“Wake up, you fool, wake up!” the doll shrieked, moving you too. Yes, it was true that Angie was jealous because you had captured all my attention, but she appreciated you, really. It was impossible for her not to, she was part of me.
“Per favore…” I begged, sobbing again, seeing that your body still didn’t react to my gentle movements.
My breathing became agitated and my hands trembled as they moved you more and more roughly. My heart was about to explode.
“Svegliati, (Y/N), svegliati!” I shrieked, moving you roughly, desperately. I knew it was a good idea not to deactivate Angie, she stopped me.
“Hey, hey, Donna, stop, stop, you'll hurt her!” the puppet shouted, uselessly placing itself between your body and mine, clinging to my unhinged arms.
I finally left you alone, sinking beside you, crying on your chest, pathetically settling next to you, wrapping my arms around you, just the way you liked it.
“Don't do this to me, tesoro, please... Don't leave me alone...”  I sobbed, staining your skin with my tears, crying until at some point, my monstrous body gave in to exhaustion.
A day passed, two, you didn't wake up.
My desperation seemed calmer, but it wasn't. I took care of you, I looked after you, but in my head there was only a flash, a horrible sound: the light of the shot, the sound of the bullet that pierced your skin.
That bullet must have pierced me, not you.
You had saved my life, what for? Why would I want to live in a world without you?
It was absurd, (Y/N) I should be dead, not you, you should wake up, smile, light up the world with your smile. It was too unfair.
Little by little I forgot to eat, to drink, to live…
I tried to stay sane while I read you your favorite books, hoping that the words that made you feel those emotions would revive your soul and I could see your beautiful eyes again.
But I was never well, I was always sick. Without you, without the thin thread that kept my sanity, I began to take small steps into the darkness.
“I sat with them at the table, next to Queequeg, and mentally prepared myself to listen to some stories about whale hunting…” I read calmly, next to you, my disastrous body didn’t separate from yours for a second, my hand always held yours.
Donna…
A dark voice interrupted me, a voice I knew, that I knew where it came from. Shaking my head, I tried to ignore it, but it wasn't possible. In that old book the words danced, making me dizzy, that dark voice sounded louder and louder.
She's dead…
That voice spoke to me again. I dropped the book, pulled my hair as I bent over myself, preventing it from continuing to speak in any way.
“No… No…” I said nervously, kicking the floor hard.
Yes, of course she is… Because of you…
“No! (Y/N) is alive!”  I screamed neurotically, to respond to someone who didn't exist, who only lived inside my crazy head. “Stai zitto!”
Really? Check her pulse…
Knowing that they were just trying to undermine my morale, that those voices weren't there, just as you always told me when they appeared so I would stop listening to them, I ignored your own words and brought my trembling hand to your neck.
You were cold, frozen, there was no sign of your heartbeat on your neck and, in front of me, your body began to crack, to calcify.
“No… No!” I screamed with my hands on my head, falling to my knees on the floor, crying, pulling my hair, unhinged again.
Yes, Donna, you killed her…
“Basta! Basta!” I yelled crying, covering my ears to uselessly silence the voice of my demons.
It's your fault! It's your fault!
“Donna, Donna!” a squeaky voice interrupted that horrible spectacle. It sounded like Angie, but I couldn't be sure. In my mind, I only saw your body falling apart, breaking into a thousand pieces. “What’s wrong?”
I couldn’t answer, I just pointed at your body with my finger. The doll climbed onto the bed, the bed I didn’t want to look at.
“What? What’s wrong with her?” the doll asked, with a confused voice.
Dead, dead, dead…
“Angie, (Y/N) is…” I murmured, swallowing my own tears, hitting the floor helplessly, furiously. I had to fall apart into a thousand pieces, not you.
“She’s what? She’s still asleep,” the doll said, getting off the bed to stand in front of me, tilting her head curiously.
“She, her body is…” I said in a low voice, making an effort to get up and dare to look at your broken body. It wasn't, you were still intact.
Your chest rose and fell calmly. Your expression wasn't cracked, but serene.
Confused and scared, I ran my hand over my sweaty forehead as I sat next to you, relieved to see that it had only been my imagination.
You will kill her, Donna… She saved your life, and you will kill her…
“Gods… (Y/N),” I said, resting my forehead against yours, keeping my face very close to yours.
“Are you okay?” Angie asked, suspecting what was the cause of my attitude.
“Yes, I…” I lied, moving away to let you breathe. “It, it was nothing.”
“Why don't you cut her throat and end her suffering?” Angie asked, with an amused tone. I stood up in surprise, grabbing the puppet by the neck.
“What did you just say?” I hissed as the doll struggled against my grip.
“Hey, let me go! I said why you don’t keep reading,” the puppet protested.
I let go, shaking my head, confused, overwhelmed by the situation.
I was losing my mind, and I knew it.
“Ugh, you need a break,” the doll said, comically shaking her dress. “And a shower, you stink.”
I closed my eye, breathing slowly, like my gardener, Josef, had taught me. It was true that I was a monster. That man was good, and I killed him.
“What I need is for her to come back…” I said sobbing, succumbing to crying again, squeezing your hand tightly, trying to beg you to come back to me.
“I miss her too,” Angie said, tenderly stroking your hair. Not even the fact that Angie acknowledged that she appreciated you was enough to reassure me.
“Please, (Y/N)… Please… Come back to me… Don’t, don't leave me alone, I need your light to get me out of this darkness…” I begged, squeezing your hand perhaps too tightly. The voices returned.
She will never come back to you, she never loved you. You will never feel her lips again. You will be left alone, with us, Donna, in the darkness where you belong.
Three, four days passed, or so I thought.
I lost track of time as well as I lost my mind. The voices were already a constant sound in my mind, the panic attacks, the hallucinations began to put you in danger. I decided not to get too close. My hands could turn against to you.
I kept repeating how much I needed you, how bad I felt without your comforting presence. You were my light, (Y/N), and you were fading away.
The weakness that my mind felt soon entered into harmony with that of my body. I was hungry, I knew it, I had to eat, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to leave you alone. I wanted to be with you, to cling to your unconscious body to feel that I wasn't lost, that there was still hope for me, and for you.
Exhausted, sitting on the floor against a wall, I closed my eyes tightly so as not to hear the voices that now asked me to leave everything, to abandon you, to abandon the life that was granted to me by the grace of Mother Miranda, that second chance that I didn't deserve.
She is like this because of you, you should die, Donna...
But no, I couldn't succumb to those requests. You needed me. You needed my care, for me to be by your side. You had saved my life, I couldn't abandon you, but neither could you.
“Don't you dare to leave me,” I sighed, my voice broken by crying, my weak body struggling to stay awake, in pain from the blows caused by the wounds caused by the crises.
My madness worsened as the hours passed. Reality, my own existence became something inexact. I didn't know when it was night, when it was day. There were no windows in that bedroom, you were always sleeping.
“Hey, hey, Donna,” a strange voice, which didn't come from my head, scared me, waking me from my exhaustion with some soft slaps on my face.
Cagna... She's coming to fuck her.
Ignoring the warning from my subconscious, I managed to make out my sister Alcina leaning over me.
“What...? What are you doing here?” I said, leaning on the wall so I could get up, ready to fight for you until the end. I didn't care if she was really there or it was another vision.
I was always jealous of my sister.
“You didn't come to the meeting. Miranda is asking for you,” the tall woman commented, walking sensually towards the bed. I couldn't move as fast as I wanted, and weakness made me stumble against the lady in white, who held me with her raised eyebrows.
“Vaffanculo…” I whispered, letting my sister guide me until I sat on the bed. “Get out.”
“You're a mess…” she murmured with disinterest, fixing my dress, almost torn by my own attacks. “How long has it been since you ate, dear? Not to mention how you stink…”
“I told you… to get lost…” I said furiously, pushing her with pathetic force. She just laughed, was she really there? “Porca puttana…”
“How vulgar…” Alcina laughed, holding me by the shoulder, dodging my furious attacks. “Aren't you supposed to take care of her?”
“I take care of her,” I said furiously, crossing my arms in a childish manner.
“Do you? I doubt you can take care of yourself, dear,” the lady in white mocked.
I growled again, guiding my gaze towards you, searching for your hand and grabbing it with the little strength I had left.
“Alcina… I'm…” I said calmer, relaxed by the softness of your skin. Maybe you were right and your hands were magic. “I'm losing my mind.”
“Oh, that's not new,” the vampire said, with a mocking expression.
 I ignored the comment, suppressing a sob.
“I feel, I feel that without her I…” I said with a broken voice, letting Alcina lay me down on the bed, next to you, sighing with pity.
“That's it, draga…” the big woman whispered, making sure I was comfortable. “You must stay strong, it's the best for (Y/N).”
“I don't, I don't know if I can do it… Alcina… I, I don't want to be alone, I want, I want her to come back,” I said, noticing how sleep attacked me again. At least when I was about to sleep, the voices didn't attack me.
“You must come back first, Donna,” my sister whispered, caressing my messy hair while covering me with a blanket. “(Y/N) needs you… Sleep, my sweet Donna…”
Those were the last words I heard before the darkness of my nightmares invaded me again.
Even today I still don't know if my sister's visit was real or if it was just a last breath of my sanity demanding me to come back, to force my demons to stay in a cage.
Three more days passed.
The voices continued to harass me, but something changed after that unexpected visit. My desire to fight my madness, to get you back, was much stronger. I even dared to accept the fruit that Angie brought me. Eating gave me strength, the softness of your hands kept the flame of hope alive.
“Actually I had always felt that way...” I read, like every day, another one of your favorite novels.
Miraculously, the voices that whispered horrible things to me no longer interrupted my words. I felt strong, or so I tried to show. With each passing day, the vision of the light of your smile became more blurred.
“…Without being able to explain why. I had never wanted to accept that life was so grey and indifferent, so without secrets or wonders as people pretended when they said…”
“That’s life…”
I read the end of that paragraph and nodded with a sigh. I soon realized something strange. No, it wasn't a horrible voice in my head. It wasn't Angie's voice that continued my reading.´
I dropped the book, let it fall loudly on the wood when I noticed something warm in my hand, yours, squeezing it tightly. Afraid that my mind would play tricks on me again, I closed my eye, opened it again and looked at your hand in mine, moving.
“Hello, darling…” a hoarse voice, broken by tiredness reached my ears, your voice, your angelic voice, your voice that came back to illuminate my dark path.
“(Y/N)…” I whispered, looking slowly into your bright eyes, half-closed but shining. “(Y/N)!”
I threw myself into your arms, burying my body in yours while my hand squeezed yours, to confirm that it hadn't been a dream. Not wanting to waste a second, I captured your lips in a kiss, crying with joy, crying for having you back, and scared in case it was just a dream.
“Hi… Hi…” you repeated, fighting against my gestures of affection, laughing weakly.
“Let her breathe, silly Donna!” Angie shrieked, pushing me away from you, jumping with joy on the bed. “You're back, you're back!”
“Yes, yes, it seems so…” you said coughing, in pain from the wound in your abdomen, trying to sit up, something I prevented.
“Don’t, don't move, you could... You could hurt yourself,” I said, playing nervously with your hair, with your hands, with everything that was within my reach.
“Hey...”
“Tell me, tesoro,” I said nervously, hoping to hear a request for water or food.
“I'm glad to see you again, Donna...”
“What are you talking about?” I asked confused, shaking my head. “(Y/N)... I'm, I'm the one who...”
“I told you a long time ago...” you sighed, exhausted, exhausted but awake. “That I would never abandon you...”
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seishinnookami · 5 months ago
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chapter one; Yuu’s sibling!?
Twisted wonderland x Obey me
Yuu’s pronouns; They/ them for now
not on a canon time line
perspective: second “as they turned around.”
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It was a warm day, the sun shining through the classroom windows, the teacher’s beloved voice calling out;
”Now, remember to only put one of these into your pot, unkess you want to end up covered in dust from head to toe!”
He warned, dropping the some sort of plant like ingredient into the potion, which glowed int a soft hue, barely visible in the light of the warm sun. Then the colour shifted into a mint green colour.
Yuu stood beside Deuce, nervously following after the instructions. They gently dropped it inside as professor Crewel showed. They let out a sigh when the colour changed into that pretty green. The tense atmosphere of danger Yuu has surround themselves with suddenly broke when the door of the classroom was bursted open.
“It is I~!”
The voice of the headmaster called out, smirking proudly as Crewel send him an unamused glance.
“Don’t worry, I’m only here for the Prefect!”
He trotted over to them, grabbing them by the wrist. 
“Because I am oh so gracious you have been excused this day to help me!” 
The headmaster said, dramatically as always. He turned around and pulled Yuu with himself, but as he did so, the rest of the ingredient fell from his hands, making them pale as they watched two more fall into the pot. 
“The potion-“ 
They tried to warn Deuce, only to Crowley to cut them off again. 
“Haha! Don’t worry about your potion!” 
He rushed them down the hallway, the sound of something blowing up could be heard, making Yuu more willing to follow the man than before. 
“So.. why do you need me exactly, headmaster?” 
They asked in an unsure manner, mostly because whenever Crowley needed them, they most certainly got into danger or almost killed. 
“Someone came appeared on school grounds, they have no magic, just like you! The mirror said that they have no where to return to, just like you! What a coincidence!” 
He laughed nervously, clearing his throat. 
“But why I called you is because I can’t talk to them, they are rambling on about something, shouting at me if I get too close. Even after I so kindly brought them in!” 
He huffed, raising his nose high, clearly offended, but he silently prayed the human didn’t cause too much trouble while he was away. 
“I hoped that you could talk to them, since you were once in the same place.” 
He finally explained why he dragged Yuu out, just as they reached the mirror’s gorgeous hall. 
As the doors opened, Yuu had found themselves watching an another human pacing up and down and just as Crowley said; angrily mumbling to themselves. 
��No! I did not survive those troublesome demons to get dragged- kidnapped AGAIN?! Haha! No way! I’m not going to start a new school, leave all things behind again?! I’m not going through that, AGAIN!” 
They huffed, stopping as they started to feel dizzy. Mc sighed, out of breath, turned towards the stupid bird man who dragged them inside. 
Their eyes land on Yuu. 
“… Yuu?” 
They whispered, eyes wide while a small droplet of tear cascades down their cheeks. They seemed to recognise Tuu, whispering their name in disbelief. Their eyes swam with a lot of emotion inside, some of them unrecognisable.  
Mc’s could help but step closer to the two, cheeks drenched in salty tears.
“I’m sorry.. do i know you?” 
Their step falters, eyes wide as they fall onto their knees. 
“W-what?” 
They sound lost, breathless and confused.
“Yuu? This isn’t funny!” 
Yuu looks apologetic, the person before them looked familiar, but they did not remember them. No matter how hard they tried, there was no memory. They was hit by a sense of longing, missing this person. But there was no reason for them to feel like this. 
This person was a stranger, right?
“Yuu! It’s me, (om)y/n!”
They cried out, hoping this was all just a cruel joke.
“I-i am truly sorry, but I don’t know you.”
Yuu repeated, their voice sounding empty in the air against the cries of the stranger front of them.
they felt sorry for the stranger, how did they knew they name?
they was confused, the sunny day that they had woken up to no longer looking so sweet, seeing the broken person before them. Maybe they wasn’t the one they was looking for? They knew the feeling of stress of the unknown, being woken up in a coffin isn’t funny. They thought about it for a moment, maybe they did know them, but they don’t remember anything from the time before getting here…
the soft steps of Yuu’s shoe could be heard as it echoed through the hall. It danced with the echo of the stranger’s sobs, almost like a dark lullaby, trying to lull someone to eternal sleep.
“I may not know you…”
they whispered, kneeling down before the broken looking body of trembling sobs . Who looked up at them with- lashes sticking together from their tears. (-their skin sparkling with the salty, sad liquid) [< for those who don’t have hair]
“But.. could you tell me who you are? To me?”
“I’m your sibling..”
They answered softly, as their eyes met, Crowley silently made a comment to himself, their eyes were the same shade of colour. The stranger’s uniform was unknown to him, trying to locate any school that had similar uniform.
Yuu was surprised by their answer, their eyes wide in confusion. They did look.. familiar, almost identical.
“… I’m sorry for not remembering you…”
“Why?… Why don’t you remember?”
They questioned whether this was even real, finding their sibling, only for them to not remember.
“I don’t remember anything that happened before coming here..”
Yuu revealed, sighing as they was about to explain, Crowley’s loud voice cut throughout the soft, broken atmosphere that settled on the two siblings.
“You can all talk this out at Ramshackle!”
he decided, grabbing both, which earned him a slap on the hand from MC. Giving him a glare that said “touch me and i’ll bite off your hand.”
Crowley quickly backed off, not liking this more feral version of Yuu. He cleared his throat, putting a hand over his chest, the other onto his hip.
“Because i’m so kind, i’ll let you, an another magicless human stay here! Aren’t I just the best?”
He laughed, turning around and walking away while singing praises to himself.
“Yeah, the best at being the worse… He’s like a worse version of Mammon…”
Mc mumbles, making Yuu chuckle softly. “You’ll get used to it after a while. C’mon, i’ll being you to your dormitory.. if you can call it that.” “Oh dear…”
Yuu chuckled, standing up and offering a hand down to them. “Shall we?”
they looked at their hand, a soft smile edging onto their lips. “You haven’t changed a bit..”
they chuckle, putting their hand into Yuu’s palm.
“We shall.”
With that, the story of the two siblings have begin..
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(This is a small part because this is more of a starter than anything. Never the less, i hope you enjoyed it, Reader!)
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thesleepyfable · 3 months ago
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~ SWTD: Still Here AU Part 16: ~
A Series of Phone Calls:
Sorry Finlay, but the Queen has arrived This is really two chapters in one, because they'd be way too short otherwise.
TW: Mention of divorce.
Part 17:
Ring. Ring.
Ring. Ring.
Ring. Ring.
'Come on. Pick up. Please pick up.'
Ring. Ring.
Ring r-
'Hello?'
'Suze?!'
'Caz?! I...Jesus. A little late, isn't it? No need to go bellowing down the phone at me.' There was a pause. Caz was at a loss for words. She answered. He was hearing Suze's voice. Nothing artificial from The Shape that tried to lure him in. But, from Suze's perspective, Caz was breathing heavily down the phone. 'Caz? Hello?' Her voice slapped him out of his daze.
'M-Maybe.' His voice was breathless. How he missed her. 'Sorry about that.' Caz's grip on the phone tightened. He didn't want to let go. Ever since he arrived on The Beria, he wanted to be back in her arms, but he knew it was for the best. 'Look, I, er.' Be brave. For Suze. Be brave. 'I want you to come and see me.'
'What?' A small chuff echoed through the phone. 'All the way out in the middle of the North Sea?'
'No. No. I'm on the mainland now.'
'W-What?' Naturally, she was at a loss for words. 'When did you-'
'Only a few hours ago.' A small lie. Depends if you count six hours ago as a few or several. 'Something happened to The Beria, and we had to evacuate. Lost a few good men, but we're back.'
'Something? What's 'something' C- Wait. Lost?' Panic began to rise in Suze's voice. It took her a moment to register what he had just said. She just replied as if she was on autopilot. 'People died? Is Roy with you?'
'Yeah. Yeah. Big man's safe and sound with us.' He managed a light chuckle. He didn't know it, but Suze had also tightened her grip on the phone. She was so happy to finally hear his voice again. All the anger she had built up since August just vanished, replaced with all the good memories flooding into her brain and making her heart skip a beat. Her finger wrapped around the cord. 'How are you and the weans?'
'We're okay. Christmas didn't feel the same without you. Ma had to make a fool of herself, though. Bloody forgot to put the handbrake on.'
'We need to sell that old banger.
'Aye. Her and all, too.' The pair shared a laugh. Something they haven't done for a while. It was good.
'How are you, Caz? You sound...' Suze paused to find the right word. 'Different.'
'Well, being on a rickety oil rig in the middle of the North Sea will do that to ya. I'm fine, though, really. Made some new friends out there. You'd like them.'
'Are they with you now?'
'Some are. Most went home.' Suze frowned. That wasn't the right thing to say. The anger didn't return, but small specks of frustration did. Still, she gave Caz the benefit of the doubt.
'Then, why aren't you coming home?'
'I will be, but first, I want you and the girls to come here.'
And where's 'here?''
'Braemar'
'What the hell are you doing all the way out in Brae-'
'Please, Suze. I can't hog the phone for much longer. Just please. Bring the girls here. I'll give the address. Please?' Silence. Caz's heart dropped. His foot began to tap, and he bit his lower lip. How could he have possibly made their situation worse? Did she not believe him? Then again, he can't blame her. She hadn't hung up the phone, but had he lost signal? Was she actually talking to him, and he didn't know? 'Suze?'
'Alright, Caz. Give me the address.' Her voice was one of defeat, but Caz had hope. It's all that kept him going. Might be the only thing that kept him from turning.
'Trust me, Suze. All will be explained when you see us.' A pause. 'I love you.'
'I love you, too.'
Well, it could have been better. Caz knew he had been brave, but he would be a fool if he didn't feel some tension. As for Suze, she hunched over and covered her mouth when she hung up the phone, not knowing if she'll cry or scream until the windows shattered. Maybe both. She was still angry. Her emotions were a hurricane residing in her stomach that she tried to control. Nothing was easy anymore. She was tried. So tired. Her eyes were still heavy. Slowly, Suze controlled her breathing and stood up straight with a long sigh.
'Right,' she muttered. 'Okay.' Then, a small smile graced her face. 'Silly sod.' Once again, the good memories came back. With the living area of the flat being open planned, she turned to the cheap kitchen table, where a brown file containing the crisp divorce papers lay in wait. They'd been there since last Monday. Dust had gathered. Now, the question was, will Suze leave them to collect more?
Caz exhaled all the air in his lungs. He felt better, but at the same time, he wished he could just deflat like a balloon. Roy had been listening the entire time from the stairs. 'So, how did it go?'
'I dunno, Roy,' he sighed, running a hand through his hair. Caz often did that when he was either indecisive or stressed. 'Good. I think? Do you want to call anyone?'
'Nah. I'm gonna sleep, but,' Roy nodded to the front door. 'I think they'll want to speak to someone.'
'Aye.' Caz turned and walked down the corridor. 'Alright.' He opened the door. 'Who wants to use...' Nothing else needed to be said. Everyone was huddled on the porch, waiting for their turn, except for Innes and Muir. Seems no one could decide on who could go first. The infected, except Trots, couldn't fit inside, yet they kept Raffs, Brodie, and O'Connor from reaching the entrance. Poor buggers were freezing, unlike the infected. The cold didn't affect them. Another small positive from The Shape. Caz sighed at the sight. Good to know he was working with children the entire time. 'We go alphabetically. Addair, you're first.' And guess who was going to be the handler?
Caz turned around whilst Addair tried to get inside. The keyword is 'try,' because Caz instantly shoved him back out when he knocked over a picture. Just like with Bernard, he quickly realised this was going to be a long night. The method was simple; give Caz their number, he dails it, and gives the phone to whoever.
The calls were like clockwork. Just like him, everyone asked for their loved ones name in surprise before sighing in relief and explaining what happened without the infected telling them that they'd been turned into fleshy blobs. Then, they invite them all to the farm. Addair. Gibbo. Ren-
'Not answering?'
'Eh,' Rennick motioned something akin to a shrug. 'My son travels for work. I'll try again later.'
O'Connor, Trots, and finally Raffs, who told his mum he and Brodie will be home soon. Brodie went last, and that was just to get in touch with the train station to figure out when was the best time and day to get back to Skye.
When all was said and done, Caz took himself to the sofa he was given as his bed and instantly crashed, along with Trots, who took the armchair and leg rest. Which was ironic. Neither slept well last night, but now, both could finally breathe. Everyone else soon followed.
Where was Muir's family during all this?
Muir had brought his parents and brothers to the furthest point of the garden. He cradled a now sleeping Grace and Bonnie in his arms whilst Innes leaned against the fence. It was late, but he wanted to tell them because he wasn't going to be subtle. He's done that enough. 'Okay. Everyone. I need to tell you something. I'm...I-I...' He glanced to Innes, who smiled and nodded in return. That gave Muir the confidence he needed. 'I'm gay. I like men, and I have since I understood what that meant.' He shuffled back and forth between his crab-like legs. 'And Innes here is the one I want to spend my life with. Dad, you said you'd never stop loving me, and I hope this doesn't change anything.'
'WHAT?!' Harris yelled. Muir retracted for a moment before it clicked that Harris was being sarcastic.
'Oh no,' Angus continued with equal sarcasm. 'Ewan's gay? Jesus Christ. Who could have guessed?'
'Okay, I get it,' Muir mumbled. He stared at Innes when he heard him trying not to laugh.
'We've all known for years.'
'The only girl you've dated was Ivy Bradshaw from year 6.' Of course, Harris continued his life goal of being the little shit sibling.
'Yes, thank you, 'arris.' Muir could feel the blood rush to his cheeks.
'And, you didn't dance with anyone at either of our weddings. Instead, you were eyeing up the bar - Either out to desperation or just get one over on Harris, Muir quickly slapped a tendril over his mouth.
'S-Shut up!' Sadly, being red in the face and hissing through his teeth, just gave his younger brother the motivation to keep going through heavy muffles.
'Harris!' Fiona snapped. Nothing else needed to be said. She had that stern look in her eyes that even made Harris, a thirty-three year old man, stop whatever shit he was pulling. Muir still kept his mouth covered.
'Ewan,' Logan began. 'You've been turned into a five meter tall hermit crab. Even if we didn't know, do you think we care?'
'W-Well, that's a relief.' Muir glanced to his mum, who was just smiling. He returned the smile. Now, all the weight had gone from his shoulders. Innes stepped forward and held his hand out for Muir to take.
'Now, can we go inside, please? It's freezing out here.' Gently, Harris, now free from Muir, and Angus took their daughters and began to walk back to the house. Fiona approached and kissed her son on the cheek before looking to Innes.
'You look after him, okay?'
'I promise, mam. He won't be leaving my sight.'
'I think that's impossible.' And cue Muir literally buring his head in the snow. A low groan could be heard, causing the pair to snicker. He was always easy to embarrass. Fiona found it cute whilst Innes just mentally jotted that this was payback for nearly taking his head off with the piping. 'Well, goodnight, you two.' They had given Innes a bed, but it was obvious he wasn't going to be there.
He knelt beside Muir and gave him a pat on the exposed flesh from the helmet. 'Proud of you, ya big lug.' A tendril wrapped around his waist, yet Muir still kept hidden under the snow. He'll come out when his cheeks stop being red.
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meganemiuna-mushrooming · 1 month ago
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Critical Criminal
His lips trembled in silence, bound in a giant chair with cuffed hands, they were connected to long metal chains that were hanging in the air behind his back. His eyes traced the ground. As if he was a caged bird who lost its freedom. Sunday had nothing to share but sadness and melancholy. Stelle stood there staring at his dead looking eyes. 
“Why are you here?” He broke the silence, his grip tightened ever so slightly. “Are you here to look down at me? If so, you have the chance. Because I'm going to meet with my deserved fate soon.“
Stelle stepped inside, closer to his form. He wasn't honest with himself even after she answered him before. Her answer was clear as the sun, but maybe he was blinded by it. 
A sigh left her lips, What a stubborn man. Did he think she was here to laugh at him? What does he take her for? She pouted and puffed. “Sunday, I'm here for you.”
Bitter laugh echoed in the cell. He didn't even glance at her, but his body radiated defeat. “For me? “ he questioned sarcastically.
She knew she would deal with this, gripping the key she held in her hand as to release the stress. A flashback played in her head, It was Jade giving her the key and smiling confidently. “Yeah, for you. Because people eventually wake up from their slumber. “ 
Sunday lifted his head to look at her, It was this line again. That line that drew him into her, It was magnificent. His eyes flickered some light before he pursed his lips. “I see, But aren't you missing something, Miss Stelle? I'm not asleep, I'm yet to be punished.” he exhaled. 
She arched an eyebrow “I suppose I have nothing to say to this but, I feel like this whole time you were punishing yourself.” Her eyebrows furrowed when she remembered his good intentions but wrong ideals, He was trapped by reality and indulged in fantasy of his own. A world with no pain but no gain, It was not ideal but a life skip. Yet, She knew he was harsh on himself more than anyone. “I'm here to free you from the shackles, from yourself. I want to offer you a new perspective of life.”
“Please, don't continue.” he dismissed it immediately. “My pride doesn't need further shattering, I know where I belong. “
“Are you saying you belong to jail?” she remarked jokingly as she placed her both hands on her waist. 
“No, I belong to nowhere.” His answer came out blunt. if one can imagine what his answer would look like. It would be this kid who cries alone in darkness and tries to thrive, he thought that being exposed to darkness made him strong but it was eating him alive. 
Stelle sighed and walked even closer to him, she leaned till their faces were close, He felt her breath on his lips and gasped. “If you belong to nowhere then I belong to the trash can.” her smile was cheeky but genuine. 
“Trash can?” He looked confused but soon exhaled “Miss Stelle, I'm not joking.”
“I'm not joking either. ” she confirmed. 
“W-what?” Sunday looked more puzzled at this confirmation. 
Stelle dipped her hand in her pocket, took her phone out and searched in her gallery. Photos of her silly moments with her trash can romance “Here.” she switched the screen for him to see. 
Sunday smiled awkwardly and blinked twice “Uhh I see… “
“I’m really sad that I couldn't take a video of these trash cans I saw moving in my dream! Ugh…they even had muscles!!” she pulled the phone back to her and let it sleep in her pocket again. What a weird way to make an impression in jail. 
Silence. It was very awkward between the two, Stelle felt awkward to change the topic. And Sunday felt awkward to ask any more questions. 
Once again she gripped the key in her other hand but it felt wrong to unlock these shackles without breaking his mental shackles to dust. It wasn't going to be easy but it was worth the shot. “I don't know what happened to you in the past but… everyone deserves second chances you know?”
Sunday sighed and looked away “Yeah, but I don’t think it works on me. I have fought you guys twice, used Sterallon to make you all indulge in endless dreams…If it weren’t for your dedication as a group. You would have…” He didn’t continue, looking at his hand as he shut his eyes.
“You have a point.” Stelle eyed the broken criminal, she knew he needed to let everything out somehow in order to let new views in. “Sometimes, all we need is to have someone who would correct us when we are wrong.”
“You don’t understand!” he gripped his fists.
“Indeed. That’s why I want you to tell me more so I can.” Stelle touched his chin and looked at him firmly in the eyes.
“Y-You…” His eyes snapped open. It took him off guard and he had the face of a small child, his eyes were desperate for tears but he fought them. No he can’t be pathetic more than this, What is this? He is used to caring for others, but when someone cares for him it feels weird and new. Yet he scowled at how he doesn’t deserve it. “Why….Why do you care so much about me? I don’t deserve it! Can’t you see…I should have died! Beheaded! Gone for good…I’m a traitor, I'm a criminal! Why would good people like you want to free someone like me!? Please, leave me alone.” His voice echoed in the cell, Stelle noticed how shrouded and alone Sunday was inside. What can she say now? It’s not easy or can be fixed in one click overnight for him. She knew but part of her refused to let this little lonely charmony dove to be left behind. 
“I understand that I can’t do much but listen…” She breathed out softly “Your intention all this time was pure and potent, You wanted to protect everyone right? When you knew you couldn’t make everyone happy…you,” They were already close, she bent a little and hugged him. “Please? Why are you denying your own happiness like that…If you look at it, You stopped eating sweets, you stopped having fun yet you anticipated fun for others, comfort and well being. It’s not fair for you, isn’t it?” 
A blush creeped on Sunday’s face. He wasn’t prepared for that, nor he said all of this to earn this. Those were his honest feelings about himself. No, he wasn’t hugged by anyone but his sister. “Miss Stelle…Can you…let go?”
“No.” She tightened her embrace around him.
What a situation. He can’t push her away even if he wanted to. His heart hammered in his chest, like someone playing the piano at a fast pace. 
Have I really given up on my own happiness that I became so difficult? Is it okay for me to accept genuine kindness? Jade said my sister asked for this, And now Stelle, Maybe she is right. If that’s Robin’s wish for me I...
Rattling of chains occupied the cell for a brief moment as he reached out to embrace her back. It’s okay, it was always okay but he denied it. Hot tears betrayed his golden eyes, He silently sobbed in her hug. Can he really find his way again? Can he really be forgiven? It didn’t matter to him anymore. He shivered and squeezed her closer, He whimpered as loud as he could. Like he used to before he grew up, Before he forced himself to grow up.
Stelle smiled as she softly ran her fingers in his hair. Now, she can surely unlock those chains after he cries. At least he would look cute. Would he pout or look away? All seemed wholesome and adorable to Stelle, but as for now he needs his moment.
He is free now, he doesn’t need to hold meetings, Investigate, or even think about others’ lives anymore. His life ahead of him is now his and his only. He can spread his wings and fly, wherever it will take him, He shall be okay.
Author's note: This fiction is based on 2.3 hsr story, I just happened to get fascinated by such scene that I wrote it, enjoy (✿❛◡❛)
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momokarp · 11 months ago
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Heyyyy I saw your Danny Phantom comic about him reading the Great Gatsby during the fight with Vlad (great art btw), and I was wondering if u could give a long-suffering student a rundown of the themes?
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I’m gonna cover the themes I can think of off the top of my head and if you really need me to go into more details, I CAN??? But this is just a quick “it’s 7 in the morning for me and I’m actually gonna hyperfixate real quick” kinda moment.
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Yes, there are two kinds of rich people, and yes, one side really doesn’t like the other. It’s apparent in Tom and all of his opinions of Gatsby are later on in the book when he finally attends one of his fancy parties.
Old money gets their opinions and styles and tastes from their parents who got it from their parents. It’s a boys club, if you’re in? You’re in, and it’s hard to get in unless you’re of a certain pedigree.
New money? Loud. Outrageous. Doesn’t even know what to do with all that money and everyone is welcome to enjoy it. Gatsby owns a BRIGHT ASS YELLOW CAR not because it’s of a certain model but because it screams loud and expensive and “look at me” and it’s not just cause he’s trying to get with your wife. He knows how to ACT like old money, to a certain degree, but at the end of the day, he can’t hide that he wasn’t born into it.
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An unreliable narrator is usually a story told from a first person point of view and their own biases can often warp the reader’s perspective on the events unfolding. Nick even tries to clarify that he doesn’t judge people. Yeah, OUT LOUD, but he’s judging internally. Which is making you, the reader, judge. Tom has an affair with Myrtle Wilson. Nick IS quietly judging them although he tries not to and how could he not? Daisy is his cousin, and he sees the man she’s married make her move away from Chicago and Tom is not hiding his affair very well, she clearly knows about it and hates it.
Oh but here comes Gatsby, with this beautiful story of how he fell in love and went to war and couldn’t be with her and came back and she’s MARRIED and now he’s trying to win her back- and Nick HELPS HIM. THAT’S NOT UNBIASED. HE IS SWAYED. He sides with Gatsby through and through, even when he starts to see the flaws in Gatsby’s vision, he wants to cheer for him.
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We’re going back to the green light here for a minute. Gatsby gets a house DIRECTLY ACROSS the lake from where Daisy’s is. There’s the green light at the end of her dock that flashes, that’s a reminder to Gatsby when he looks out that his dream is just over there. Daisy, the perfect gal, along with acceptance into the fancy rich lifestyle. He wants to meet her parents, he wants to have kids with her, he wants to be a somebody, an established respectable person.
But he’s kind of fooling himself too. He wants too much. It’s not enough to have Daisy, she needs to RENOUNCE her ever loving Tom and then properly marry him. He wants to be a part of the boy’s club, but Tom finds out that he has gained his wealth through the mafia and that’s not very respectable! He wants Daisy to call him in the morning, a call that never comes because she won’t cast aside her lifestyle for him. She was raised to trust and live in the sheltered life she was brought up in, even if she’s unhappy. It’s safer than the unknown. She chooses to stay with Tom, as even she realizes she can’t live up to Gatsby’s ideals.
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It’s ironic cause this is the Oxford English Dictionary definition and Gatsby is an “Oxford Man!” Not only has Gatsby idealized on the American Dream, but it’s a dream that was never real. Yes, he did get rich, but not because he had equal opportunities. He got lucky to help out an old rich man on his boat (WHICH HE DIDNT EVEN GET ANY MONEY FROM) to learn the rich social skills, and he worked with the mafia to get all his wealth. Yes, he got Daisy, but not REALLY. He had an affair with her. They didn’t marry properly, didn’t have kids, didn’t move in together. And Daisy never intended on doing any of these things. She wanted to run away.
And Gatsby was never going to get these things because he wasn’t BORN rich. Tom represents the concept of Old Money so well not only in how he lacks any genuine character that isn’t inherited from his father, but how protective he is of keeping the status quo, so that he remains in power and no one who doesn’t fit the club can come in.
And Gatsby pays the price of his affair while Tom gets away with everything. How is this the American Dream? It isn’t.
Okay, that’s my stuff. I can go into symbolism on the yellow car and big billboard and all that other stuff if this was helpful at all. I hope it is helpful???
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