#To Have and Hold

[twiceasfrustrating]

To Have and Hold 11

Chapter: 1/2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Major Character Death

Category: GN/M

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Relationships: Diavolo/GN!MC

Characters: Diavolo, Barbatos, Main Character, Lucifer

Tags for these chapters: Not Beta Read, Yandere, Kidnapping, No Happy Ending, Restraint, Imprisonment

Summary: Love drives some people crazy and some can't stand to go without. You thought you'd found the perfect boyfriend in Diavolo, one who loved you more than anything else in the world. And, well, you weren't exactly wrong, but it turns out that he's one of the ones that can't go without…

A/N: Fucking hell! I had to do so many edits because I rearranged some chapters and switched where two major events happened.

Word Count: 1901

“My Love?” Diavolo called softly through the haze of your mind as if standing somewhere so much further away. Unfortunately for you, he was unbearably close; holding onto you as if you were precious.

You turned your head to him without actually focusing your gaze. At this point, through the sickness and jumbled thoughts in your mind, you couldn't be bothered to scream, cry, or fake a smile. Everything just felt so heavy. You weren’t sure you could even lift a teacup like you had yesterday during that forced ‘date’.

“Hm?” You hummed weakly, wondering where all the grit and tenacity inside of you had gone recently. Sure you were sick, but it was as if all the energy you had faded all at once and was nowhere near returning.

"My Love, you need to get ready. We have a surprise guest."

A… guest? As in someone besides him and Barbatos? And he was going to let you out of the room to see them? Did you, through your addled mind, dare to have hope?

"This will be uncomfortable, but bare with me."

He undid the bindings that always kept you attached to the bed only to tie your arms and legs together so you couldn't move any of your limbs. He picked you up bridal style.

"Close your eyes," he whispered with a smile across his face, as if he was excitedly waiting to show you something for your birthday.

When you didn't do it immediately, he frowned. "Would it be easier to blind you?"

That barely veiled threat was enough for you to close your eyes as he ordered.

"Good. Oh! No peeking or I really will have to blind you to eliminate that temptation," he said far too cheerfully. 

You could feel the jolt from his sudden movement as he began walking. The sound of the door opening felt so foreign, as well as all the twists and turns he made. In the back of your mind, you tried to remember how many times he turned left and right, making a map of where you were in the palace behind your eyelids. Every set of stairs and even the changing sound of his footsteps was a clue you added to your inner map key. It was crude at best, but it was something. It was a possibility.

He finally stopped.

"You can open your eyes if you want."

As you did, light flooded your vision. When your vision adjusted though, you recognized the drawing room. You also recognized the chair he was standing in front of, although the seat was raised to reveal a small space inside.

"It's important we both greet our guest, although you may be uncomfortable. Forgive me for that." He kissed your temple.

“Just stay here like a good little human and try not to make too much noise.” Diavolo’s voice sounded so sweet as he spoke, but there was a clear threat behind his words. Or, perhaps everything he said sounded like a threat now.

You whimpered as he closed the lid over you, surrounding you in darkness in a very uncomfortable position. You were slumped over to fit into the small space, your head drooping down against your knees so all you could do was stare at the wood beneath you. You weren’t even able to adjust into a more comfortable position, since the bindings that dug into your skin wrapped their way around your calves, up your thighs, to your torso, and kept your arms in place. You hadn’t even been here for a full minute and you were already in pain. At least you could lie down comfortably in the stupid room.

In this place, all you could do was wait in the pitch-black darkness for something to happen. In some futile attempt to relieve your boredom, you actually started to count your fingers over and over again. It was something at the very least, even though you lost track at some point in the thousands and had to start over. Even mistakes were more interesting than nothingness. 

“-very concerning.” You finally heard a faint voice through the walls around you. It’s very familiar, but you know that it isn’t Diavolo’s.

“I see. That is troubling.” That was Diavolo.

“Are you sure they haven’t reached out to you?” That voice really was familiar, but it was hard to make out properly through the walls around you, “Even an attempt would be sufficient.”

“They haven’t contacted me since our last conversation, and that was nearly a month ago.” Something shifted over you, like a great weight was just placed on top of you, “Please, take a seat.”

“I apologize, Lord Diavolo, but I only stopped by to see if you’d heard from them. I do not have time for tea today.” Lucifer! That’s who the voice belonged to.

"Don't be in such a rush. Barbatos, prepare something for Lucifer's nerves. He needs to relax."

Barbatos said something that sounded like agreement, but you couldn't quite make out the exact words.

"I apologize. We've all been concerned lately and I'm letting it show more than I should."

“No one is blaming you for being worried about them, I doubt you have anything to be worried about. If they wanted or needed your help, I’m sure they’d summon you.” There was a loud thump against the outer walls of the box you were inside of, and you could only assume Diavolo kicked it.

“We think they did. Or rather, we believe Belphie,” hearing that name made you feel like you were going to puke, “was summoned but we haven’t heard from him either...”

“Oh? Why do you think he was summoned?”

“He vanished suddenly without a word. Such an abrupt departure most likely means he was called on.”

"Belphegor is a strong demon. If he gets into any danger, I'm sure he can handle himself."

Liar!

You wanted to scream, to shout, to curse him out, but stayed silent because of Lucifer.

Salvation was right there. You knew Lucifer would help you if you asked him to, but you also knew that Diavolo wouldn't allow it. Images of Belphie's lifeless body flashed in your mind, his blood soaking into the floor and the crushing of his vertebrae abruptly cracking echoing in your ears. 

You couldn't risk that happening to Lucifer too. You'd already taken the youngest sibling from his family; you couldn't take the oldest one too.

"We're going to look for them – thank you, Barbatos," Lucifer suddenly said. "I understand if you can't join us, but-"

"What kind of partner would I be if I didn't look for them?" The seat above you creaked as he shifted his weight. "Barbatos can handle everything while I'm gone. Right?"

"Please finish your paperwork before you go."

Diavolo whined. "Isn't this more important though?"

"Are you planning to leave immediately, Lucifer?" Barbatos asked.

"We're preparing today and tomorrow then leaving the next day."

"Then there is time to do what you need."

Diavolo whined louder. "I suppose. Although I should prepare too…"

"I would advise seeing Lucifer out then."

"Of course. Thank you for your time."

The weight on top of you shifted again, but this time it was in a way that relieved the pressure above you.

"I wish we were meeting under better circumstances like old times. Still, I'm glad you are all looking for them since I'm so preoccupi-" Diavolo's voice faded into the distance and you were alone again.

Your heart hammered in your throat, your limbs were numb and tired, your skin felt like it was burning up. Everything inside of you felt wrong. Screaming at you to say something before they left, but your logic kept your mouth shut.

There were a few more uncomfortable minutes of silence before blinding light poured into your little box. You closed your eyes out of reflex immediately, finding it painful to look out into the world.

“So you are still there,” Diavolo’s voice was soft as he reached out to see if you were real and not just a hallucination, “You were so quiet that I thought you had gotten out somehow. I’m happy that you were just following orders.”

You could feel his hand on you and normally you would feel utter disgust, but, at the moment, the only emotion inside of you was distraught. You broke down the moment he brushed his warm fingers against your cheek and sobbed uncontrollably. Not just in sadness, but in rage. There were no tears as you cried -- you had no more to give -- but if you could you knew they would be life fire.

“Why?” You finally managed to hiccup out through your continued and persistent sobs, “Why are you doing this to me?” 

Lucifer was worried about you. They were all worried about you! And they hadn't given up yet. It was a cruel joke to give you that tiny ray of hope that you knew would never shine upon you.

“I’m not doing anything, my love. Everything happening is the result of your own actions.” You were the one that made him fall for you, you were the one that kept fighting back, and you were the one who refused to reach out for help when it was right in front of you. If only you could learn to behave yourself, he would be allowed to be kinder to you. 

"You lied to him." You screamed, finding anything to break down that smug attitude of his. "You know where I am and you know about… about…." You quietly muttered Belphie's name, not feeling you had the right to even say it.

"I never lied. I only said you hadn't contacted me. That is true since I'm the one coming to you. And Belphegor could handle any danger he found himself in if you hadn't gotten him killed."

It was like twisting the knife already buried to the hilt in your heart.

"Do you have any other concerns?"

You couldn't say anything. There was no response you could give to his insane logic and half truths. 

Seeing you fall so readily into compliance, he nuzzled against your neck.

"My lord," Barbatos suddenly said, making you aware of his presence, "the carrot."

"Oh, yes."

He cleared his throat. “You were so good while Lucifer was here. You deserve a reward.” His claws brushed carefully over your delicate skin until they reached the rope and sliced through like it was sewing thread. Your body fell loose the moment it was freed, even though you still couldn’t move any of it because of how numb they were, “What would you like?”

Your eyes had finally adjusted to the brightness of the room, so you opened two bloodshot orbs in Diavolo’s direction, feeling completely hollow inside at the sight of him beaming at you. If you didn’t know better, you would almost think him benevolent. It was too bad you did know better. 

“Die.” It was the only request you could think of; every hateful thought and plea for freedom you had boiling to the surface in one succinct word.

"My love," he brushed a thumb over your bottom lip before forcing a soft kiss on you, "how could I do that and risk leaving you all alone?" No. He would ensure that both of you lived long enough to enjoy your new, happy life together.

[bitchfitch]

writing advice for characters with a missing eye: dear God does losing an eyes function fuck up your neck. Ever since mine crapped out I've been slowly and unconsciously shifting towards holding my head at an angle to put the good eye closer to the center. and human necks. are not meant to accommodate that sorta thing.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Expertise can't help you here.

[lazylittledragon]

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

[beepboopappreciation]

Is this anything

[iscariotapologist]

today in church one of the priests referred to trans people as "those who are growing into the gender they were called to be" and i'm kind of enjoying the idea of like....divinely ordained top surgery

[zimshan]

Attention Pennsylvania voters!

Senator Bob Casey’s race is now at a margin of 0.53%.

An automatic recount in PA is triggered with a margin of 0.5%. That’s a difference of 0.03% or a little over 2,000 votes. We need to make sure every ballot is counted here, and there’s thousands of uncounted ballots right now due to voter error.

Did you mail in a ballot? Check to see it was accepted here:

If it says anything other than accepted/counted/etc, your ballot needs your attention. A mistake in filling it out means that your ballot will not count unless you “cure” it. Check your county’s curing policies:

See full instructions for curing by county here.

You have until November 12 to cure your ballot in PA.

Do you know someone who mailed in a PA ballot? Please pass these links on to them. You may be the difference between their vote counting or not in a super close race.

Everyone else, you can help PA voters cure their ballots. If you live in Pennsylvania, you can help canvass in your county (see links in this thread). If you are in another state, you can sign up to call voters and help them cure by phone.

Want to help another state? Sign up for a shift through November 19.

[hinamie]

post-graduation trip airport looks

[petricorah]

why wear a huge ass overcoat when you can just hold your crush's hand? [ids in alt]

kinda wanna make the last panel a standee lol

[hoodedjelly]

my little relativity falls designs for fun

[geezmarty]

anyway I started playing aai

[twiceasfrustrating]

Just gotta say, I love how to have and to hold is so scary, and so good at encapsulating how a darling would slowly break down and how their psychology would slowly make them fall into Stockholm syndrome! Ah! So good I love it! So spooky, and often such an unexplored side in Yan fics!

Thank you so much! I admit that I read this a while ago but I've been saving it for a little serotonin boost every now and again. I'm so glad that To Have and Hold is something you enjoy. I find it hard to write because of how heavy it can get, but I enjoy it for what it is.

I hope you like the rest of it.... when I can get it out again. ^^;

[problemnyatic]

when will we talk about the willful helplessness epidemic on here. So many people on this god forsaken website demand to have any and all things that exist outside their personal experiences directly, personally pre-chewed and spoonfed to them. And when you do, they'll then ask for you to swallow for them, too, because, you see, in THEIR experience..,

[the-stove-is-on-fire]

[Image ID: A very confused, and slightly horrified looking Danny Phantom holds the Little Baby Man version of himself that is hugging his hand and purring. /. End ID]

So here's a fun thought: Consider a situation in which LBM is NOT, in fact, a tiny Danny, but a mimic blob ghost that has adopted his image as a form of Batesian self defense. Then imagine Danny's reaction to seeing some fucked up little uncanny valley cat version of himself with zero warning or context.

Per Wikipedia: "Batesian mimicry is a form of mimicry where a harmless species has evolved to imitate the warning signals of a harmful species directed at a predator of them both."

[violent138]

Bruce definitely trained all the Robins to abandon him if things got bad. He'd give them scenarios like him trapped under something in a fire, hypothermic conditions, he's too injured, and they need to get information to Lucius, and the list goes on. And to date, the only bit of training his kids have continually failed, whether in simulation or practice, is failing to leave him behind.

[eliotbaum]

My Love and My Joy are available as prints on our online shop, Tannenbaum Press until Nov 15th (‘24)! Two more days….!