#Tim Kitchen

[violent138]

Stephanie: "Did you get it?"

Tim, scoffing: "Of course I did. *unwraps the vase from bubble wrap* It's the exact same, one of the three original vases made."

Stephanie: "Wait. The old one had a nick, right there on the shoulder. *uses a Batarang to recreate it* There."

Tim, setting it down carefully and smiling: "Perfect. I think we just got away with it."

Jason, reading on the couch: "He'll know."

Stephanie: "How? You'd have to--"

Alfred: "Is there anything you guys want for dinner?"

Tim and Stephanie, immediately: "No."

Alfred, frowning slightly: "Very well." He walked over, both Tim and Stephanie trying to play it cool as the butler adjusted the vase on the table.

Jason looked up from his book.

Alfred: "I'll remind you again, Master Timothy that skateboards are not permitted inside the house."

Jason cackled at the expression that Tim and Stephanie made.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Bruce: "How did you know? Technically speaking, it's the same vase."

Alfred: "I have a contact at the auction house where you bought the second one years ago."

Bruce, clearing his throat: "Yeah, Jason accidentally kicked a ball into it."

Alfred, raising an eyebrow: "He threw a Batarang at it because you wanted to make him more comfortable."

Bruce:

Alfred: "I do wish you'd all stop adding that nick back."

[lustwithoutlore]

Barbara: What did you get Dick for his birthday?

Jason: I got him a Glutemaster

Barbara: Really? Me too!

Stephanie: I also got him a Glutemaster.

Duke, gesturing to himself and Tim: Looks like we had the same idea.

Jason, sighing: Kill me. Please tell me you didn’t get Dick a Glutemaster as well.

Cass: I got him… a Glutemaster 🥰

Later-

Dick, surrounded by Glutemasters: THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!

[camifandomfan]

*The fam is over at Tim’s apartment*

Jason: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?

Tim: …No…

Tim, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Jason, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!

Dick: I see a-

Tim, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Jason: Oh, well I-

Tim: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Tim, amazed: Its got a bake setting!

Dick: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!

Steph: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Tim: Now I’ve just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don’t have to roshambo nothin!

Tim: I am a man who owns four ovens…

Tim, louder and way too happy: I am a man who owns FOUR OVENS…

Tim: I didn’t know I was so rich with ovens…

Jason, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Steph: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- five ovens!

Tim:

Tim, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM A MAN WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

[gotham-snark]

Team Al ghul 💪💚

Stupid stuff under the cut

You have one new message. Message one:

"Beloved. I'm calling on behalf of our son-"

Bruce: "What son??"

"You would have been so proud, he bested me in our yearly death match-'

Bruce: "WHAT DEATH MATCH?!??"

"He was magnificent, but then he does take after his father. You. Your son's father. Anyway, I've emailed you a picture for you refrigerator. Be seeing you soon! xoxo"

Bruce: *in the kitchen, experiencing a medical episode*

[ktkat99]

Dick- I am the oldest

Tim, pouring espresso instead of water into the coffee maker- We know

Dick- I'm in charge

Jason, rewiring his helmet bomb- We know

Dick- I'm responsible for making sure you guys don't die

Damian, poking Jon with a stick to test his tolerance for being annoyed- We know

Dick- I'll say that again, I'm responsible for making sure you guys don't die

Tim, pouring the new espresso back into the machine again- Is this going somewhere

Dick, in tears- Please make this easier. Why are you like this?

Damian, hovering fifteen feet in the air by a very annoyed Kryptonian child, shrugging- I do not believe anything can kill me

Jason, adding a taser function to the helmet- I WAS killed. And I came back. I don't believe anything can KEEP me dead.

Tim, chugging the coffee that is now strong enough to break Bane's spine- Does it honestly look like I care at this point?

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Halloween prompts year 2 day 29

Dont get him wrong, Danny had some big feelings about finding out his mom had cheated on his dad. He had even bigger feeling about the divorce and the whole shipping him off to live with his bio dad.

He wasn't going to lie. The new school was actually really nice and he had made friends quickly, though at first it was tough to weed out the ones who just wanted to get close to the Wayne family name and not him as a person. He didn't get to chat with Tucker and Sam a whole lot due to thier schedules but he and Jazz always made time for eachother.

His life had surprisingly taken a massive upturn. Vlad had been arrested soon after Danny warned the Waynes about him, making Danny believe either his dad it felt wierd calling him that but da-Jack made it perfectly clear he should never call him that was Batmans sugar daddy or somthing or maybe the Waynes got kidnapped so much that the bats bugged the whole place. Danny hoped not, he had done a whole karaoke thing with Jazz during thier video call the other night and he really didn't want anyone to hear thier shared cat screeching.

Jazz was super happy to learn Danny had joined the Volleyball team and Astronomy club. He used to play Volleyball in middle school and played defense a lot. He was even the best on the team but he stopped playing after one too many times of his parents forgetting to show up or causing a ruckus whenever they thought a ghost was nearby.

But it was better now

The portals were shut down by the bats. The GIW where expertly obliterated from existence. His parents are getting court mandated mental help. There are no more ghosts. No more ghost hunters.

And no need for Phantom

Danny doesn't think he's ever felt this free. He could go out to eat with friends with his way too big allowance that his...dad gives him and he didn't have to worry about having to ditch them to go fight a bad guy. He could eat dinner with a family who was a little awkward but surprisingly open to him and the food was delicious and didn't attack him. He could actually sleep at night and feel safe doing it. His siblings liked spending time with him and getting to learn anout him and thier "bonus sister" Jazz.

He had no reason to use his powers.

Until the grandfather clock he was walking past swung open like a door and he locked eyes with Nightwing coming out of it. They just stared at eachother before Danny just said, "I don't want to know which one your dating. Just know I have a bat and im willing to use it in the most ungodly of ways." And walked back to his room.

He wouldn't be a superhero, but he was willing to be a supervillian to protect his new family. Or in this case make sure Nightwing, a rumored playboy, knew better than to go breaking hearts in this household.

[chamiryokuroi]

I just know he stole that bread from Bernard’s kitchen

[morganbritton132]

Jason decides that there’s something sketchy going on at the Drake Estate and then realizes that Wayne Manor is definitely big enough to hide someone in long enough for squatter’s rights to kick in. So, that’s his plan for the neighbor kid.

Tim agrees to this.

Two months in, Dick knows (Jason told him) and Jason comes home from patrol to find Stephanie there. Tim says, “This is Steph. She’s my best friend and she hit me with a brick. She lives here now too.”

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Dick, staring at Damian as he sorts through casefiles: Is he alright, he hasn’t mentioned anything about patrol? What if he got hurt? What if he’s slipping back into his old ways. Oh no he looks so sad, what if he’s having a hard time at school?

Tim, limping into the cave, covered in blood that may or may not be his: Notice anything different?

Dick: Oh, did you get a haircut?

[introspectivememories]

tim puts bloodstained gloves into his microwave and bernard's chef-senses start tingling

[coffeexrage]

New Account first post who dis.

[shit-talker]

Another idea to do with this post I made;

They aren't raised together. The deal between Shiva and David is still intact when they're born, and when Shiva ends up having 3 kids, it presents a perfect opportunity for David Cain to put in a proper experiment with these kids. He takes Cass, raises her as he did in canon, and tells Shiva to raise Tim how she sees fit, and then they give Jason to a struggling couple in Gotham city, just to see if their genetics really do create the perfect child assassins, or if they have to foster the ability into them, and who's better at it.

Tim and Cass end up meeting when they're around 5 or 6, and they end up fighting then, too. It's a pretty even fight, all things considered, but eventually Cass ends up with a knife to Tim's throat, and Tim ends up with two daggers pointed from behind Cass's head and their parents decide to stop things there.

Jason, meanwhile, is being raised just as he was in canon. His dad gets arrested around this time, and he's left alone with his mother, completely clueless to his siblings currently battling it out in a different continent.

David forces Cass to kill when they're 8, and it fucks Cass up. She ends up hunting Tim and Shiva down, and while she still hasn't figured out talking, Tim is able to get that something bad just happened, and they have to go now. So, they run off together and end up in Gotham about 2 years later.

They're 10 when they run into Jason, who immediately gets freaked out because he and Tim look literally identical, but there are a few basic differences, and Cass just looks like them if they were a girl. Jason, newly homeless after his mother's death a few months before, shows Tim and Cass the basics of Gotham, and in exchange, Tim and Cass show Jason how to handle being homeless (and how to fight properly)

Tim and Cass technically can speak English, Tim moreso, but it's definitely not a perfected thing, and Jason becomes a sort of translator for them.

When Jason ends up stealing Batman's tires 2 years later, he runs to get back to Cass and Tim, who are admittedly and annoyingly better at fighting than him. Bruce obviously follows him, and when he stumbles across 3 kids who look a hell of a lot like Lady Shiva, he just has to take them home.

(Other post on this AU)

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Jason: Tim, what the f*** is this?

Tim: It’s a quiz I made. Take it.

Jason: The question reads, how many times has Jason sworn today?

Jason: Option A) A lot

Jason: Option B) 6189 times

Jason: Option C) None

Jason: What if I just swear before I answer and make option B wrong?

Tim: …

Jason: F*** it!

Jason: *presses B

The Quiz: Option B) 6190 times is correct!

Tim: I saw that coming.

[galaxy-shapeshifter]

Timbern identity reveal, but in the most sitcom-y way possible.

Red Robin was injured on a lighter young justice mission, just a twisted ankle, but Kon didn't have anywhere else to be, so the kryptonian delivery service flew RR over to his murder boathouse.

He got Tim onto the couch, and helped him out of the top layers of his costume.

Meanwhile Bernard Dowed decided that breaking into his boyfriend's house at dawn to set up the place and make him a romantic breakfast was the best start to their 1 year dating anniversary, and as he opened the door, he was greeted with the suspicious sight of shirtless Tim sitting alone in the living room.

Whatever. Hey babe, what are you doing awake? I just wanted to surprise you. Let me put the bags down, and get you a shirt.

And that's how Bernard was greeted with the sight of Kon-el hiding in Tim's closet like a guilty side piece.

And Bernard's first question was "babe, why is superman in your closet?"

[razzledazzle0]

cooking

Tim sliding a picture across the table to Jason: I want you to shoot this guy in the leg

Jason:...that's just you?

Tim: I know, Bruce is trying to get me to try his cooking

Jason taking out his gun and loading it: understandable

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

capa (creative and performing arts) batfamily headcanons

dick sings and dances while he does chores and he’s very good at both

jason sometimes writes his feelings out in macabre mini stories, he can also definitely play drums

tim is an awesome photographer, many people know he takes photos but they don’t know just how amazing they are. in most of his pictures the cinematography is incredible

yes cass can dance but she can also play the harp (don’t ask me why i have no clue i just feel like it suits her somehow)

steph taught herself to paint and sometimes joins damian while he draws

if you can’t find damian try looking somewhere where is a nice stream of sunlight you’ll find him doodling

duke can either sing or play guitar maybe both i haven’t decided yet. oh and he can definitely draw too