#Thought life would be different

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[sastielsfandom]

Five years ago I didn't think I'd just be shitposting majority of the time, occasionally dropping original works, but mostly just having fun writing fics for fun while also having a crushing weight of sorrow from my family falling apart and being spread out. Having to ask for help, pushing down the guilt and shame I feel everytime that only washes away for a second as it goes to my family and doubles when I have to rinse and repeat. Five years ago I barely had the confidence to post silly stuff and no one knew anything about me really and now whenever I post I see the same three tags that I can't touch anymore because it weighs to heavy for me. And so many people are aware of my name something I swore I'd never share, I went by a different name so it wouldn't happen and it's useless now. Five years ago my family was strong and thriving, now we're barely surviving and I don't know what it looks like anymore. In some ways I'm proud of what I've become and in so many other ways, it doesn't feel like me, and I'm tired of constantly living in survival mode. Life's a beautiful disappointment.

[somnimagus]

My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.

[id in alt text]

[k1tty5]

slab guy

[benevolenterrancy]

("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)

[aroaceleovaldez]

i am once again thinking about Percy and Annabeth and their respective relationships with their step-parents, particularly how the other views the other's dynamic with their step-parents.

Because there's a really interesting subtle thing that we see which is when Annabeth talks about her step-mom to Percy, Percy's assumption is that Annabeth's step-mom is like Gabe. He just presumes that because that's what's familiar with him and based on his own experiences he assumes their situations are similar.

But then when Percy actually meets Annabeth's step-mom (and her dad) he realizes their situations aren't at all the same. He was expecting another Gabe, but instead he just found a genuinely caring family that was just struggling to find their footing with one another.

The interesting thing is that this implies an inverse - especially with what we know about how Percy and Annabeth describe their experiences. Percy doesn't really talk about Gabe ever. To anyone. Grover knows the whole picture there but he's basically the only one of Percy's friends who does. As far as we know, unless Grover told her at some point, Annabeth doesn't know about Gabe. She knows he was a jerk, but Percy out loud doesn't ever really get into details about it. She knows they didn't get along and eventually Gabe disappeared and Percy basically never spoke of it again. Presumably, Annabeth thinks Percy's dynamic with Gabe was like her dynamic with her step-mom, like how Percy had thought their situations were the same. Especially given we know Percy assumed their situations were the same and likely spoke about it as such if it ever came up.

Like. That's such an interesting tiny aspect of their dynamic that never gets touched upon. Annabeth likely doesn't know about this very core traumatic experience Percy endured before they met because she's operating under the assumption that their family just was a little rocky like hers was.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Suspirium - Thom York

[outer-stars]

"hey, it's that waybright kid"

[vibinginthebg]

✨Some doodles of the siblings to try to see how to draw them ✨

(I am super late to the party hello)

[shimmershy]

Buttercups and Golden Flowers

[jeeaark]

my mind has gone FERAL for GG's glorious future. BUT, I must know... What convinced Lae'zel to try an extra serving of calamari?! did Emps have to plane shift to save GG and just *Destroy* a bunch of enemies or something??

Oh man, That question brought out the big muse-a-lot hammer. But for like. Different answers. The Bad News: I have NO idea! Absolute zilch what specific moment would make Lae'zel go "Open-Minded-flayer Take #2". Maybe it's not even an exact moment. Maybe it's more like a very long and arduous slow-burning process. A very enemies to rivals to mutual allies to friends-who-won't-admit-they're-friends to I'll-think-about-it to count-me-in. A very 3-4 character developing campaign arc. The Good news: I know what starts them down that path.

Oh the shenanigans. Oh the things that can exist in the Far Realms where time doesn't exist and endless AUs do.

So what if Greygold accidentally meets their evil ending self and gets in an unfortunate predicament where Babe and Squid bud have no choice but to...Partner up to rescue them?

More shenanigans below:

Stakes are set. Maybe Greygold escapes, but can't return home without Grey following and is in hiding. Maybe they're bait and traps are set. Maybe they're dead (temporarily???). Maybe they're both having an intense therapy debate about redemption arcs until they're rescuers arrive. Greygold Mind Games Go.

The long story explanation: Greygold had never invested more into the marketing strategist business mindset than to turn their favorite romance novel, Tusk Love, (comic inside joke) into a pop culture hit. Emps lost a bet that they could succeed and now is following through with their not-so-innocent deal to use Greyg's trusted "adventurer" as their official public disguise.

Since the romance novel Tusk Love is now a popular theater play, Emps' public disguise keeps getting mistaken for that " one pretty tusked fellow on the bestseller novel (which recently updated their book cover with an anonymously commissioned illustration which looks suspiciously identical)" and never fails to receive an abundance of compliments. Emps has reserved the right to remain silent about the whole matter, but is pretty sure Greygold pulled a 'get praised, squiddiot' prank.

Lae'zel is gonna catch up on a lot of Squid Bud facts on this trip. Much to Squid Bud's dismay.

The irony is if Emps asked Minsc for help first, this adventure would have been solved within a day tops.

[flowersandfashion]

The opposite of a haunting is something very lonely, Katie Maria /// there's a little girl in my head, @heavensickness /// Little Girl Looking Downstairs at Christmas Party (1964) by Norman Rockwell /// Changing, Liv Ullmann /// found photograph with my words /// what they don't tell you, @tryworks /// Anne with an E, A Strong Effort of the Spirit of Good (3x07) /// Time Travel by Emhahee /// Second Wave (2023) by Amy Dury /// Katie Maria

[marimeeko]

Just had a thought:

Jumping off off the moments where izuku tried to talk to his peers, Aoyama leaving, feeling like he failed Tenko, losing OFA, and feeling overall disconnected suddenly(at least, we can read between the lines that he is) from his peers and even from his dream...

What if this epilogue includes Izuku considering LEAVING UA? Has anyone else had the thought that he may end up there?

The logic being that once he has no Quirk, he won't fit into the Hero course. And if he represses all of these emotions like we think he is, he might take that to mean that he doesn't deserve a spot in the Hero course, and have the idea to withdraw.

Obviously this all needs to pan out BUT what if this thing with his friends almost blowing him off, just kind of adds to that negative feeling? Like makes him feel a certain way, like they're already moving on without him?

So he comes to a conclusion that maybe he should withdraw. His friends react of course as you expect they would, likely being shocked and sad, but also knowing hes going through a lot, and so trying to be supportive no matter what? They tell him "hey you dont have to, you have a place with us", but ultimately will support his decision without fighting him too hard, as the case with Aoyama seems to be...but it's REALLY KATSUKI who takes it home. Who NEEDS to take it home, and say what the others won't.

It's Katsuki who confronts him, and has to talk him down from the idea.

And what if that's how we get a Kacchan v Deku 3? Which does not have to be, and really needn't be a literal fight.

It just needs to be that long awaited airing out of all of the unspoken feelings, mainly Izukus feelings of failure (failing to protect Katsuki during the war, failing to save Tomura/Tenko, failing to even hold on to his own dream, ie OFA) and what it all means for his future.

How he thinks logically, if his quirk runs out eventually, he can't be Quirkless in the Hero class. How that dashes all hopes of staying a Pro Hero in the future...

Maybe even what he is thinking about society and pro heroism as a whole now!

Katsukis got to convince him that He is a hero, deserves to be a hero more than anyone. Maybe even concedes that even if the dream of being a hero traditionally speaking has changed, there are so many other ways he can continue making a difference.

How much of a difference he has already made.

And that is when it gets personal, and katsuki confesses further, "you've made all the difference in the world to me already" or something. Maybe spills some more sentimental feelings. Maybe Izuku finally spills some of his, maybe we get a hand hold and or an embrace....

And katsuki makes him promise that he won't give up yet. And if he has to leave the Hero course, he switch to one of the other courses in UA to continue his dream in another route. And promising to be with him every step of the way.

And maybe idk, suggesting they be Hero Partners and open an agency together or something romantic like that. Lmao.

Throw in maybe a little bit of spice somewhere about Katsuki getting worked up and Izuku having a moment of worry about his heart/health and Katsuki retorting that his heart is fine and not to derail their conversation by "worrying about my stupid heart"

Bonus points if there are tears involved, there usually are lol.

[thechy-fychannel]

y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.

[fixated-dark-king]

Sooo, I had the amazing experience of attending a panel C.S. Pacat was part of during the Sydney Writers’ Festival on 25th May 2024. The panel was called “Creating a Monster” (with two other YA authors).

And finally a week later (because adult-ing is hard), I had time to actually go through my notes and write up some of the fascccccinating things Pacat had to say about: monsterous heroes, and villains, and enemies-to-lovers deliciousness, and queer identity!

I didn’t want to forget some of the interesting things said in this panel and thought others might be interested in hearing about them too? Please indulge the splurge. :)

(Please note that all bold headers are just my thematic summary of each section for people to jump to, not the actual question asked.)

WHAT APPEALS ABOUT ‘THE MONSTROUS’ TO PACAT:

From a technical writing standpoint, the ‘Monstrous’ is appealing because a villain will often do an act and the hero reacts to that. It gives unconscious clues to the reader that when the villain turns up, something exciting is going to happen. In that sense, villainous characters have a special sort of ever-present attention given to them (possibly because human nature is to always keep one eye on the dangerous thing that could harm you).

On a personal level: A) When queer characters are awesome but also ‘Monstrous’, Pacat says it can feel really ‘electric’ and empowering to reclaim/allow yourself to embrace the monster role that you’ve been told you fit into by society. Like in Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles where queer people are allowed to be beautiful/glittering & powerful & witty & have existential conversations about good and evil while fitting under the Monstrous label. Like heck yeh, that’s cool. And B) as an author, you can feel a ‘minority pressure’ to have characters be Good all the time and be the perfect ambassador for that minority, but sometimes you just want to be a vampire and take over the world, you know?

THE EXISTENCE OF ‘PROTAGONIST-CENTRED MORALITY’ WITHIN THE DARK RISE BOOKS:

When pondering whether it is hard as a writer to convince readers that a Monstrous protagonist is a likeable character, Pacat pointed out that the funny thing is that the question ‘How am I going to make readers like this monster?’ never really ends up being an issue because people actually really like monsters! The thing you might not expect is that the struggle is actually: ‘How am I going to make these readers who are barracking for the protagonist feel that this ‘monster’ is actually monstrous?’

Pacat explained that when a protagonist is also a monster, it brings into play something called ‘Protagonist-Centric Morality’ -- where you bond with that protagonist and want the best for them etc, so much that it can obscure when the protagonist is actually doing something bad. Pacat mentioned that he has found the Protag-Centric Morality fairly striking in the case of the Dark Rise books because people have said to him things like: ‘The Dark King Did Nothing Wrong Ever In His Whole Life’ and Pacat questioned whether the moral centre of the story was landing somewhere different than intended. He was curious whether the other authors had experienced that with their ‘monstrous’ protagonists too.

IF A HERO IS ALSO MONSTROUS, HOW ON EARTH DO YOU DIFFERENTIATE THAT FROM THE VILLIAN? When pondering over the distinction between a Monstrous Hero and a Villain, Pacat shared some thoughts from his lived experience. He said the times when he has felt most threatened by the ‘Monstrous’ is when that person isn’t clearly identifiable to others around you; where there isn’t a shared understanding between everyone that ‘yes, that person is a monster’. Extending from that, the Truly Monstrous is when that person has some kind of control over you and control over the narrative as well; if the monster is the one telling the story but casting you as the monster. Essentially gaslighting via ‘narrative control’.

ENEMIES TO LOVERS TROPE:

This is Pacat’s absolute favourite romantic trope. And he elaborated that he doesn’t mean that in the sense of ‘these characters sort of don’t like each other’, but rather to the point where two characters really hate each other and for a very good reason. He likes when a path between two characters feels IMPOSSIBLE to overcome.

This trope was first explored in the Captive Prince trilogy and Pacat loved it so much he just had to use it again for the Dark Rise trilogy. The planning behind it for CaPri was brainstorming: ‘What is the worst thing I could think to use?’ (Answer: Killing a character’s brother, which lands the bereaved character into a set of hellish circumstances.) But that meant when Pacat decided to use it again for DR, he had to extend that to: ‘Now I need to think of something EVEN WORSE THAN THAT (CaPri)’ in order to separate the main characters. So Pacat had to spend ages thinking about what could be the absolute worst thing to use this time -- and he hopes that he came up with something that is ‘truly, truly way worse.’ Which essentially had everyone, including the moderator, laughing loudly in fear. XD

WILL KEMPEN: FOUND FAMILY & THE LONELINESS OF INAUTHENTICITY:

Pacat spent a lot of time trying to develop a really meaningful platonic friendship between Will and Violet. It meant a lot to see a friendship like that reflected on page for Pacat because some of the most important friendships of his life were across gender lines. The reception to Will and Violet has been so pleasantly surprising, so Pacat supposed he wasn’t the only one with a hunger for that kind of friendship within the romantasy genre.

Pacat also reflected on Will’s complex relationship with his Found Family -- that having the support of a Found Family can be so essential, but in Will’s case that lifeline is undermined by secrecy, turning that Found Family into a different kind of loneliness. Because the thing is: if something so immense happens to you that you feel you can’t talk about, or you feel some way about yourself but think you can’t share that with others, it means you can’t really be your authentic self. But if you’re not being you’re authentic self, who are your friends friends with? They can’t be friends with the true You; they can only be friends with a facade/with a performance. So as long as Will is scared to show his true self and remains hiding himself away from even his friends, he will be alone. It’s a hard step to take. (Note from me: so heavvvvy but poignant.)

NOT DR-RELATED, BUT PACAT’S FAV MONSTERS FROM POPULAR FICTION: Pacat was so excited to namedrop his favourite monsters from popular fiction, he volunteered to go first LOL. The answers: 'The Brat Prince' Lestat (Lestat has been on his mind a lot recently because the AMC TV portrayal captures Lestat so well & has completely rejuvenated Pacat’s 12 year-old love of vampires. Total mood); serial killers such as in the Ripley series; and simply: American Psycho.

Great panel, right? Now it’s Europe’s turn!