#because she is INTENSELY driven to know EVERYTHING. *Especially* about the things she cares about - Like Percy!

[aroaceleovaldez]

i am once again thinking about Percy and Annabeth and their respective relationships with their step-parents, particularly how the other views the other's dynamic with their step-parents.

Because there's a really interesting subtle thing that we see which is when Annabeth talks about her step-mom to Percy, Percy's assumption is that Annabeth's step-mom is like Gabe. He just presumes that because that's what's familiar with him and based on his own experiences he assumes their situations are similar.

But then when Percy actually meets Annabeth's step-mom (and her dad) he realizes their situations aren't at all the same. He was expecting another Gabe, but instead he just found a genuinely caring family that was just struggling to find their footing with one another.

The interesting thing is that this implies an inverse - especially with what we know about how Percy and Annabeth describe their experiences. Percy doesn't really talk about Gabe ever. To anyone. Grover knows the whole picture there but he's basically the only one of Percy's friends who does. As far as we know, unless Grover told her at some point, Annabeth doesn't know about Gabe. She knows he was a jerk, but Percy out loud doesn't ever really get into details about it. She knows they didn't get along and eventually Gabe disappeared and Percy basically never spoke of it again. Presumably, Annabeth thinks Percy's dynamic with Gabe was like her dynamic with her step-mom, like how Percy had thought their situations were the same. Especially given we know Percy assumed their situations were the same and likely spoke about it as such if it ever came up.

Like. That's such an interesting tiny aspect of their dynamic that never gets touched upon. Annabeth likely doesn't know about this very core traumatic experience Percy endured before they met because she's operating under the assumption that their family just was a little rocky like hers was.

[rxmxa]

The Leo-Aquarius Axis Redefined pt. 2 ⚡ 🧪⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Part One on the Leo-Aquarius Axis (Good to Read for Reference)

I was watching some intense video footage with my friend after something really brutal and chaotic happened in my neighborhood. Watching it alone was overwhelming because there was so much violence and chaos happening back to back. But then I re-watched it with my Aquarius stellium friend. And when I say stellium, I mean stellium. This girl is an Aquarius Sun, Mercury, Mars, Venus, Rising, with a Capricorn Moon and Uranus in the 10th house. She is genuinely the smartest person I know.

What I didn’t fully realize until that moment was just how good Aquarius energy is at processing information. Aquarius is an air sign, which means it thrives on mental challenges and intellectual stimulation. But it’s also fixed, which gives it a steady and sustained focus that doesn’t waver. Symbolically, Aquarius is the Water Bearer. It pours out knowledge, deep and distilled, offering it to the world. In moments of chaos, it feels like Aquarius processes everything at light speed, distills the important parts, and hands you the answers in such a breezy and nonchalant manner all like, “Oh, you didn’t notice that incredibly specific detail?”

While we were watching the footage, she kept pausing to point things out. She would say, “Look here, see his hand? Notice how he flinched.” Then she would rewind and say, “Listen again, did you hear what he said? He said ‘xyz.’” By the end of the night, mostly thanks to her, we had pieced together the timeline of what happened.

It was a heavy experience, but it also got me thinking about something I had written before about the Leo-Aquarius axis.

In that post, I said:

“If you are struggling to shine and develop your self-expression (Leo), look at the opposite of that (Aquarius), where you might need to release and let go of pressure. Especially internal pressure, since air sign energy is so connected to our thoughts and intellect. This sets the stage for success that feels aligned with your most genuine self.”

At the time, I was so focused on this idea of detachment leading to success that I wrote:

“The 11th house (Aquarius) rules your profits from your career, while the 5th house (Leo) rules your creativity and hobbies. Think about how many people have created art (5th house) without worrying about success or money, only to find widespread acclaim and rewards (11th house). In interviews, they always say, ‘I never imagined this would happen. I never imagined I would reach so many people.’ Why? Because they had detached. And that mindset can take you far.”

While that’s absolutely true, I realized I hadn’t fully considered the depth of this axis.

Aquarius isn’t just about letting go and hoping for the best. You don’t magically detach and suddenly see success show up in your Leo house.

Yes, you need to release expectations in your Aquarius house. But Aquarius isn’t about not caring. It’s about caring deeply for the process itself. It’s about learning for the sake of learning. Aquarius is the mad scientist energy, the inventor, the one who experiments and explores because it’s fascinating and because it feeds them.

Wherever Aquarius is in your chart, that’s where you need to step into that energy. It’s where you become the mad scientist, endlessly curious and driven to learn and discover. You absorb information, try new things, and gather knowledge for the sake of it. That process becomes the fuel that allows your Leo house to shine.

Aquarius prepares and strategizes, and Leo performs and shines. Success aligns when both energies are flowing together.

Aquarius builds the blueprint. It is the blueprint. Then Leo distributes it to the world. That’s where success or even monetization comes in. But it’s always at your pace, and always through doing what you love.

How I Applied This in My Own Life

This realization hit me on such a personal level because I have struggled with 6th house themes my entire life. My weight, my routines, building habits, staying consistent. etc. No matter how hard I tried to force structure into my day-to-day life, it just never clicked. I would start strong, burn out, and then spiral into frustration.

But when I stopped trying to force myself into systems that didn’t fit me and leaned into my Aquarius 12th house energy, everything shifted. I stopped seeing my habits as rigid checklists and started treating them like little experiments. I became curious, open to trial and error, and focused on the process instead of the outcome.

Suddenly, my 6th house started to thrive. My health (gut health, mental health, lost 15 pounds) improved, my daily routines felt sustainable (set boundaries at work), and consistency became something I didn’t have to force anymore. It became second nature to be this new version of me.

The Leo-Aquarius Axis Guide

If you’ve ever felt torn between wanting to shine like Leo and strategize like Aquarius, my guide will show you how to:

Identify your Aquarius Lab and your Leo Stage in your chart

Create a sustainable cycle of preparation (aqua) and performance (leo)

Use both energies to create confidence, clarity, and success

get the guide here: ✨ [Mastering the Leo-Aquarius Axis] ⚡ 🧪⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Con mucho amor, Ramona 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

[dxrkenedheights]

for OSKAR: 👪 & for KENZIE: 👪

OSKAR because Kenzie is RIPing rn

I'ma do all of them too LOL

Nina: I think there's a part of Oskar that's actually quite intimidated by his sister. You know how brothers never really see their sister as anything but their sister? There's an element of that at play, but Nina is a force to be reckoned with and it's almost impossible to view her as anything but impressive. So, Oskar struggles knowing where to really compartmentalize his emotions for her. On the surface, she exudes this widely capable and driven personality and she balances it seemingly perfectly with her social life. I think it brings out feelings of inadequacy for Oskar, which he's definitely not used to, and makes him feel a little uncomfortable that he's spent his entire life so wrapped up in purely business whereas Nina can trot in and make it all look easy and still have time for herself. I also play around with elements of misogyny in their relationship, where Oskar often tries to belittle her accomplishments and her social life as if trying to place this carrot in front of her for her to chase. Whereas, if Nina and Felix were swapped over, he'd not be doing the same thing. Having said ALL of that, Oskar loves her and does respect her in his own way. He's deeply protective and we have a few HCs of when Nina first came out, Oskar caused a very uncomfortable atmosphere towards people who were having a homophobic conversation. However, he struggles showing genuine care and often turns these situations into blame for Nina not being discrete enough. Sad and I hate him HAHA. Felix: MY BOYS. Oskar and Felix have, hands down, the most complex brother dynamic I have ever written. Felix literally represents everything Oskar is against, and at times he can't even stand the sight of him. Felix goes against how Oskar has been raised and all he can see is his brother's wasted potential. He admires Felix's quick wit, even his sense of humor, and he's not even shy about singing praises for Felix's intelligence. But it all wraps up in this intense, raw, hostility all stemming from the fact that Oskar can't stand to see his brother suffering. What I've loved to explore so far is how Felix also forces Oskar to reflect on their parents and family life, which is something he rarely does unless the brothers are together. Because Felix's behavior forces him to question how did something get this bad? It also forces Oskar to address, from his perspective, that his parents were more lenient with Felix but in turn makes him realize how harsh they were with him. It's all very messy and I literally get so emotional LOL Filippa: We haven't written them yet but I'm excited to. Filippa was only nine years old when Oskar was born, so there's this definite overlap where she's an aunt but Oskar doesn't view her the way most nephews would view their aunt. Especially as she was then off and studying for art and doing what was deemed "impractical" and a "disappointment", in many ways, the way Filippa was viewed and talked about definitely played a part in why Oskar kept his head down and knew where to focus his energy to. Also, I'm excited to explore how he's actually become rather cruel towards her especially when he starts "connecting dots" that her influence could play a part in Felix's behavior. Because obviously, his brain will do that.

[icharchivist]

Since the askbox has clearly selected their fave, do you have a favorite Eternal? Based on design, personality or gimmick?

oh ahah

I'm a huge Seox fan, and then i'm all about the Twins actually.

When it comes to Seox, Seeds of Redemption genuinely kicked my ass and i'm genuinely driven to characters who have intense guilt for things that were out of their control but they can only blame themselves for it because they have no proper other way to blame anyone else. This is one of my favorite archetype by a lot, and Seox really fits the bill so well.

I also really love his dynamic with MC, which personally i read more as sibling-like, with the way once Seox realized the man who saved him was MC's father, and that he heard the father talk so proudly of their child and Seox wanted to meet them but felt too dirty to, but in the end MC ended up being the one silver of salvation Seox got and so Seox wishes he had been adopted to be a sibling to MC all those time, so they wouldn't have had to be alone during this period of their lives.

(which is why "....and" you also hurt SO MUCH with Logia actually making this dream come true and being so torn when it didn't work out)

And his kit is the most solid of all the Eternals' imo, he's a MVP through and through and i'm always a fan of aggressive dodgers in Granblue. He hasn't left my Dark Team ever since i recruited him.

And designwise he's perfect, the contrast of the scary mask to hide the very soft face, and the cold and broody voice that gets completely offset when his mask is removed and he's suddenly vulnerable again?

It also lead to one of my favorite character bits in Seeds of Redemption, when MC worries for him thinking he's putting on a brave face (metaphorically, as Seox was still wearing his mask) and Seox removes his mask for one second to look at MC in the eyes and tell them that this is going to be okay. Something very soft about a character who have to go through such an extend to protect his vulnerable side, willing to drop his armor because he found someone he could be vulnerable with.

Aside from Seox, i'm partial to the Twins, again because Seeds of Redemption kicked my ass.

I love Feower's more aggressive side, especially when paired with how he pretends to be cheerful when he is one of the few eternals who genuinely think of murder lmao. He's brutal most of the time and it makes him so compelling to me, considering this whole violence is something he had to embrace to protect the orphans of Stardust Town. He basically had to grow up quickly and more violent and willing to kill because it's the only way to make sure the children or Stardust Town don't get to suffer for it, and there's something about sacrificing everything you could be, making yourself a killer, to make sure people more vulnerable than you never get to know this hardship, that really gets to me.

And i love how Tien is more subdued, more calm and quiet, but yet she is just as tormented as her brother. While Feower became more violent, Tien became more hypervigilent. Feower takes actions, but Tien is the one to observe and make sure action is necessary to start with. It means she is often neck deep into the mafia business to try to protect the children. She is constantly putting others before herself and she has to learn that she needs to accept taking care of herself, because like Feower, she is sacrificing everything she is for the hope the children of Stardust town never have to live through it.

I adored the two of them in Seeds of Redemption back then and the way they bounced off each other, there's a darkness in both of them only offsetted by how they're more than happy to make this sacrifice, but it also makes them extremely protective of those they decided were their own, and it's why they want to take care of Seox and later Mugen, while also completely lashing out at Seofon once his plan is revealed. It's one thing to sacrifice oneself to protect others, but if you sacrifice someone else and it's not even to protect someone, you're scum.

Feower and Tien are both people who had to grow hyper independant and rely only on themselves because they know the adults of the world have been using and abusing children like them -- and in a sense, like Seox, with whom they have a sort of kinship, as he's also an orphan. Seofon becoming the manipulator there was the hit int heir trust that was hard to recover from, because it is all their fears put on a platter.

I love this conflict there because while Seofon's long game was to destroy the Mafia family threatening Stardust town and making sure Seox is safe, by keeping it away from the three people concerned, he endangered them and re-traumatized them instead. And as Tien tells him in the end, it's not as much the action that hurts, but that Seofon didn't trust them with his plan. they could have beared it otherwise.

And i think it's very interesting in the characterization of the twins, because it's another thing they're willing to sacrifice themselves for, but at least they need to know what they're fighting for, and need to know that the only people they actively opened up to and relied on aren't just using them like tools, like the same tools they've been trying to avoid becoming.

And finally i was personally pretty distressed by the fight in Seeds of Redemption where Rei took possession of Feower and forced him to beat Tien up, and Tien didn't defend herself and accepted it because it was a trial to pass to get the protection they needed.

I think in a way Rei was showing how both of their coping mechanism to deal with the horrors of living in a town the mafia prey over like this, are going to have the two of them killed and miserable if they don't do anything to stop themselves and reconsider- or that they're going to consume each other.

Tien is self sacrificing to a fault, so she accepted the fact that Feower would have to beat her close to death. She was accepting the suffering of watching her twin try to kill her. While Feower, who has become extremely aggressive and dedicated himself into becoming a killer if he had to, had to see how this strength that he nurtured to protect his family was now being used to destroy the one family members he never wanted to hurt.

I still think "Fuck Rei" for it though even if i see the lesson she wanted to teach them, but to see Tien and Feower's coping mechanism turn against them like that was both harrowing and really satisfying.

I love traumatized characters who try very hard to live with the trauma they have, but end up hurt by their own coping mechanisms more than saved by them. I think there's something extremely relatable and deep on the cuts you make by trying to protect yourself, and the twins' storylines really came to this extreme in a way i find extremely compelling.

Because the two of them are too self sacrificing to realize how it's hurting them, but they are two pieces of the same whole and the one thing they can't accept is hurting each other.

so they have to learn to rely on others people more, especially since the children of Stardust Town actually want to help them through their burden. And now there's also Nehan and Mugen there, + Rei's protection, so they're not alone anymore.

Outside of that i really really love their behaviors, with Feower being so brash and mean while Tien is soft and sweet, especially since in the end they're much more similar than you'd think, Feower has a softer edge, and Tien has a meaner edge as well. I think they really complement each other very well

kit wise i admit Feower isn't really great, but i like to have him in my party. Tien though has been the first Eternal i worked on and her backline buff has been so useful i keep using it even now, and she's my most used Eternal by far.

SO YEAH those are basically how my brainworms about the Eternals go.

I do like Siete a lot, I'm partial to liars and all after all, his duality, this silly mask that became his own face, all of that are really compelling and i love him a lot, but it's never been to the level of the Erune Trio for me ahah.

the more you know!

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

The way you write Ingo and Akari's interactions with each other never fails to warm my heart. And after seeing how he is with Rei in oop, I'm so excited to see how Emmet interacts with Akari. And let's not forget how your Cyllene is with Rei, and how she considers him Her Boy. I just love the intergenerational relationships you have going on. Kids deserve to have good adults in their lives, especially ones like Akari and Rei who have had it so rough.

There are... a lot of things I don't like about many interpretations of Emmet in fandom, but one I especially dislike is when he's overly rude or dismissive towards the kids. You avoid that trap neatly, though that's no surprise because the way you write him is one of my all time favorites. That's maybe a bit beside the point though.

In any case, I loved the little prompt snippets you wrote yesterday about Ingo with both Akari and Rei. The one you wrote with Rei was both cool and heartbreaking with how his dedication and care was the only thing keeping him going, all so Rei might have the chance to live. And the one Akari was so sweet and heartwarming, with how gentle his love for her was. She doesn't know it, but Ingo's home isn't a place, like her it's the people he cares about, and she's included in that too now. In this au where he's so close to her, it wouldn't be complete without her there.

WAAAAH THIS IS SUCH A NICE ASK?? THANK YOU?? thank you so much... i'm gonna cry this is so sweet. thank youuuu... i uh rambled a lot about characters and relationships so i'm going to put the rest of that under. a cut i think. contd:

anyway. YEAH re: kids deserving Good Adults. tbh whenever i see a kid on their own in fiction it activates some kind of primal pack bonding instinct in me to protect them, so this is like, vicarious parenting. and i just REALLY like characters who are Good With Kids, it's like one of my fav character traits that makes me instantly love them. and i love all the different ways that can come through, like, like you said, cyllene who isn't so great at saying how she feels but has SO adopted these two. so. yes. this is primarily self indulgent. it all comes back to my love of picking apart character motivations lol

also WHO is making emmet not nice to kids. i'll fight them. i'll duel them in the street right now. why is everyone else so WRONG about my BLORBO. i think- not to Also get sidetracked, lol, but- i think emmet is someone who's extremely straightforward with everything he says, and doesn't back down, but the critical thing is that all that blunt directness and stubbornness is backed by an intense motivation to help and protect others. so that's what i'm trying to channel when he's with rei or anyone else—specifically because he doesn't try to hedge his words or anything, it is so obvious at all times that he Cares and wants to Help. which can be like, intensely validating/reassuring/trust-building. like short and direct and not good at subtlety don't have to be negative asshole-building character traits!! ...but uhh anyway what were we talking about again

ingo ficlets right. YEAHH THANK YOU... i think in comparison to emmet ingo is like. actually good with people, in the sense that he can read peoples' emotions from their words and actions much better, and is very understanding and patient. and obviously he's also driven by that same compassion. trying really hard not to just make this about comparing how i characterize them both ANYWAY. and i am giving him the Parenting Instincts, lol, which, i think he has an immediate reaction of "oh i need to help you" when he sees anyone who's lost/hurt/confused, but it's stronger with kids bc they obviously tend to have less ability to support themselves. so with akari in the adoption fic i keep gesturing towards and Not Finishing, and rei in the ficlet who got separated from his usual crew, he just adopts them very quickly lol. (there's also something to be said there for how i usually write amnesiac-ingo as having a kind of busted self-perception, as we've covered, so he's outsourcing his motivation and desire to continue living to others, which is sort of a Not Great aspect of this, but uhh that's getting sidetracked again)

anyway YEAH!! his home is his loved ones!! yessss exactly!! you have it spot on, i think in that snippet after akari brings it up he does have that thought of, all he has to judge his "home" by is a vague vibe that it was good and he misses it. what if it isn't as perfect as his non-memory thinks it is? what if it can't/won't make space for akari? in which case i think that despite how much he misses it, he would be fully prepared to walk out of it for her. because like you said, his home isn't a place, it's the people!! so if akari can't belong there, then it isn't his home, either. (not that it would ever come to that in reality)

so. yes. as you can probably tell i could go on about this subject forever. just adhd tangent after tangent about kids, and the ways they get treated, and what it says about characters, and character motivations in general, and bitching about how my blorbo gets misinterpreted. but. my point is. this was a very nice ask i am going to print it out and tape it in my diary thank you

[beevean]

.

The most comforting thing my mom has said so far is "dad passed away with your orange juice in his mouth"

She said other things as well, but while I absolutely understand the intent, I can't accept them.

"He stopped suffering." Yes, but he still did. Apparently for far more than we even imagined, he hid his sickness for years. I can only hope that he fell asleep right after I went away and then never woke up.

"Imagine if you didn't go that day, imagine the regret" I know! I know that it would have broken me if he died after a week of me not seeing him. But I can't erase that last day from my mind. I saw all of his pain, and I was not prepared, and I could do nothing about it. The one moment where I lifted him to sit and he fell backwards keeps repeating in my mind. That man that used to be a giant couldn't even keep himself sitting. He honestly looked better in the coffin at this point.

"He was waiting for you, you had to be the last one to see him" just like he never went back to his family for my sake? Are you saying that he prolonged his suffering for me? I didn't deserve it.

"He didn't take care of himself" yeah, and my brain is screaming at me that it's my fault because I didn't love him enough and so he felt no need to love himself. I know it doesn't make sense, but I can't fully convince myself.

But I brought him orange juice that day.

Dad simply didn't eat for 34 days, since the day he was first brought to the emergency room. I don't know if he really wasn't hungry, or it was because he missed most of his teeth, or quite simply he didn't like hospital food, which yeah, understandable. We tried to bring him everything he asked for, but he rarely liked it, because apparently it didn't taste the same. His mouth was burned by either the oxygen mask, the many medicines he was taking, or the fungal infection that popped out of fucking nowhere. Yeah, sure, why not.

Sidenote, I'm so mad that he spent his last Father's Day in an intensive care unit. I brought him a zeppola, because it was his favorite sweet, but he wasn't allowed to eat it. Besides, he had diabetes on top of everything else, so he technically shouldn't have eaten sugar regardless. My aunt managed to sneak him one a few days prior his death, at least - I guess that the doctors and nurses long gave up on him by that point.

But he liked oranges! They still tasted good to them, he just found it difficult to eat them. So, from time to time, I'd squeeze two and bring him the juice. He was always happy to drink fresh orange juice, especially in that hot room where bottled water turned into soup. I would have been driven mad and I don't blame him for asking every day for some iced water to mix it up.

That day, he was struggling. He was trying to drink with his mask still on, and I had to help him. He was wheezing so hard that I doubt he even swallowed more than a few drops. But he brought the bottle to his lips. Fresh orange juice that he could drink without issue, not warm water, nor freezing water that apparently made him sick the previous night (that's what his roommate said, I wonder if he was right).

I don't know if he drank anymore after I left. Again, I have the sneaking suspicion that he fell asleep after I left, finally slept all night after years of insomnia, and then that was it.

But he drank the orange juice I made for him because I wanted to make him happy, and that was the last thing he tasted, and perhaps understood. I was there, Dad. I did what I could to ease your pain. I love you. Maybe too late, who knows, but I know you forgave me like I forgave you.

[solitaireships]

2, 13, 17 -- violetsareblue-selfships

2. Gush about your f/o’s voice!

Cleo's a little soft spoken, and she always sounds a little bit sleepy. Honestly, it's really adorable. Her voice is a little low-ish, and idk, there's just something very nice about it. I like listening to her, especially when she gets excited about something and starts talking a little louder

13. Gush about your F/O’s personality!

Chae-Yeong's personality is bcs it's something that you really have to be close to her to actually see

There's different ways that she publicly presents herself. In her day to day, she acts a little bit absentminded, being friendly and a bit flirty but eccentric and a little weird. She knows how to play social games, and she's glad to play along with whoever she's interacting with while still politely holding her ground on certain key things

But when she's going around as the Shepherd, she's quiet but direct, sometimes so much so that she comes off harshly. She's more visibly awkward here, but she's also more intimidating. She knows that she scares some people, and she's willing to play into that. But she's still capable of showing mercy, and she'll always stick to her values to thee point where she can seem like a bit of a stick in the mud

And neither of those personalities are necessarily not true to Chae-Yeong, they're just her exaggerating parts of herself. She likes to change herself to fit whatever role she's supposed to be playing, almost like an actress. She plays with what's expected of her, and that's partially because she has trouble being honest. Because if she's honest, that means that she could be rejected for who she really is, and that's something that scares her

But she doesn't have anything to worry about, because she's such an amazing person. There's a line that runs through her varying presentations, and it's that she's always someone who's kind and passionate, driven by a strong sense of justice. She can be a little intense, but she's also capable of being more lighthearted and will joke around a little bit, even if she mostly is pretty serious. She genuinely believes in what she's fighting for, and she has a sharp mind that she wants to put to use for the good of others.

She's selfless, and brave, and always putting others first. But that can have some downsides too, and she can struggle to take care of herself and talk about her own feelings and troubles. She's caring though, and while she can be stubborn, that's because she's so incredibly determined. If you know anything about the Enneagram personality types, she's a 1w9

At her core, Chae-Yeong is someone who doesn't always like herself, but she always cares about others. And she's determined to do everything that she can to make things better. So while she does that, I want to make sure that she gets cared for just as much as she cares for everyone else

17. Gush about how talented your F/O is!

Mel is such an amazing person. I know it's not like she came from nothing, her family was wealthy and had connections. But even after essentially being kicked out and made to go it on her own, she managed to make the best of things, deciding for herself how she wanted to handle things. She's an amazing politician and diplomat, being so good with people that she makes anyone that she's talking to feel special. She's a compelling speaker too, it's hard not to get capitvated by her

And beyond her more publicly acclaimed talents, Mel is also an amazing painter. She has a great eye for what would make a good work, and she's good at picking out color palettes for her work. And her skill with art extends into her skill with makeup- she really knows how to do some fun, beautiful looks

[chaos0pikachu]

I am one of those people who didn’t care for SU in that I never bothered watching the show b/c I don’t watch much kids animation. Nothing against it, I had plenty of colleagues who work in kids and adult animation (pray for them they strugglin right now) and have nothing but respect for their hard work. Kids cartoons are just not something I find myself interested and less so when you know how the sausage is made and who gets access to even making these shows. 

The inside stuff I know about Voltron - also a historically awful fandom where it’s strides and behind the scenes struggles are overshadowed by said awful discourse driven fandom - is actually pretty fucking depressing. Knowing some base things I know distantly about kids animation and the studios that produce these shows is pretty depressing. 

What people tend not to understand is art is not created in some creative freedom vacuum. Everything is always, always, always subject to profit interests by the company that owns the IP. Especially in today’s world of streaming platform wars, studios, publishers, etc are really tight about their IP, their branding, their profits. 

I’ve never watched SU so I’m unaware of the context, but I remember seeing discourse about Steven not killing an antagonist character. Which I thought was a pretty bonkers thing to be upset about in a children’s cartoon show. It’s pretty known in the industry that you don’t have your protagonist kill another character. Violence has to be limited, any deaths need to be off screen and implied - at most - you can see this small shift in Legend of Korra (which was always aimed at an older audience that something like SU) when it moved to Disney XD and streaming online. And even then “death” was still happening off screen and only implied. 

This is often b/c studios don’t want to get dinged by parent groups, or cable watchdogs who rate their shows, or advertisers who want to advertise x, y, z kids product and they can’t do that if your hero is killing other characters! 

Art, at least mainstream art, is not created in a vacuum. It is always, always, always beholden to corporate interests. If it can be sold, it can be controlled, subjected to censorship, changes, reformulated, repackaged, and repurposed. 

There’s people, millionaires and billionaires who have their fingers dipped into the tides of various media who can make a quick call and go “actually, I think this gay couple should be a straight couple instead” and the people making the thing? The showrunners, or writers, or animators? Will do that. Because they have to. Because they do not own the thing more often than not. 

Some might ask, well then why did THIS show get to do THIS then? Well that comes down to intension, marketing, merch, studio, and timing. Legend of Korra was released in 2012 to 2014, Steven Universe from 2013 to 2019 (with a film in 2020), Voltron was 2016 to 2018, She-Ra was 2018 to 2020, and Owl House was 2019 to 2023 (it’s on it’s last season currently). The strides made in terms of time is really important here. But also the political climate as well. 

There’s a lot of factors that go into a shows direction, it’s not all just the showrunners - unless their people with proven track records of bringing in ratings, talent, critical acclaim and profit like the Shonda Rhimes or Ryan Murphys of the TV world, or the James Cameron’s and Christopher Nolan’s of the film world - it’s producers and studio execs who have say as well. Harvey Weinstein was notorious for being meddling in film productions that he felt invested in. 

Anyway this got away from me TLDR: most people in fandom don’t know how media is created, and how beholden (most) creators are to their investors/studios/producers who are always, always always, interested in profit over creativity. 

I don't care if people enjoy Steven Universe.

I care that Steven Universe was subject to aggressively homophobic censorship, which is a genuine fucking social justice issue, and nobody cares because as long as something is "cringey" it's free-game to be homophobic toward, apparently.

There existed a children's television show that got cancelled over its inclusion of a lesbian wedding, and instead of being remembered as a victim of homophobic censorship, or as a historical milestone that allowed the production of other queer shows like She-Ra and The Owl House, it gets remembered as nothing but a bad discourse generating fandom.

And that really fucking chaps my ass as someone who studies queer media.

[bludmystic]

sexuality headcanons?

( cw, brief mentions of necrophilia, but like??  it’s tame, and this is probably my least sexual muse lolol )

Pre-Tadpole

Before the tadpole, sex was never about intimacy and always about power, control, manipulation and depravity. Her sex drive was closely linked to her hunger for flesh and blood; pleasure and violence became indistinguishable from one another. The satisfaction she found in taking life bled into her sexual desires, often resulting in depraved fantasies where death and ecstasy converged. In her mind, the act of domination—whether through killing or sex—was one and the same.

She would also use her sexuality as a tool for manipulation. In her long pursuit of power and annihilation, Elyndra recognized that some of the most powerful people could be bent to her will through more nonviolent means of seduction, when the time and place called for it. In these instances, sex wasn't driven by any real attraction, but rather by her need to keep certain individuals alive and functional within her carefully orchestrated plans.

Her undead body, despite its coldness and faint smell of death, could still mimic the appearance of life especially after she fed, making her appear more alluring and lively. After consuming fresh flesh, her skin would regain some color, her eyes would have a bit of spark to them, and for a fleeting moment, she felt almost alive. It was in these brief windows of time that her sexual desire peaked, as if the fresh life she'd consumed gave her the ability to feel things she otherwise couldn't.

Post-Tadpole

After the tadpole and the resulting amnesia, Elyndra's approach to sexuality shifted drastically. While her body still technically reacts to stimulation and she can feel desire, it is no longer a driving force in her life. The violent and necrophilic cravings she once embraced now unsettle her, and she often finds herself intellectually dissecting her urges rather than giving in to them. She attempts to rationalize her experience, thinking, "If I'm dead too, is it really necrophilia?" But this line of thought doesn't provide much comfort——it's simply a way of trying to understand her own nature logically, as she does with everything else.

In contrast to her pre-tadpole self, sexual desire is now rare and largely influenced by external factors. The only times Elyndra feels genuine sexual attraction is when someone she has grown close to desires her. She doesn't seek out sexual encounters for her own pleasure, but rather as a way of offering connection and intimacy to those she cares about. If someone finds her desirable, she feels an instinctual pull to reciprocate——not because of a deep-seated lust, but because she wants to make them feel good. It's her way of showing affection, something she realizes she has probably never truly experienced before.

Despite her lack of intense sexual desire, Elyndra longs for something deeper: affection, love, and connection. The amnesia has left her feeling disconnected from her past, but it has also awakened a desire to feel truly seen and cared for. In the absence of vivid memories, she suspects that she has never known love or affection in her life, no matter how long that life has been. This realization is both freeing and heartbreaking for her——freeing in the sense that she is now open to these experiences, and heartbreaking because she knows how unlikely it is that she will find the connection she craves.

For Elyndra, sex is no longer about power or control or depravity; it's simply a means to an end in the pursuit of affection and understanding. She is no longer the cold, manipulative force she once was, and though she remains logical and composed, she is haunted by the emptiness of her undead existence and her fear that she might never truly feel the closeness or intimacy she desires.

[1863-project]

emmet brings up safety checks quite a bit. do you happen to know what those involve doing?

Yes! I can speak to it more now that I've actually driven a locomotive once.

When operating a train, you're in constant communication with the rest of the crew, and you have to be intensely aware of your surroundings. The locomotive I've worked with, Strasburg #90, weighs 212,000 pounds. That's 106 tons of steel. And that's not factoring in her tender! 90 could get up to 50 mph in her days hauling freight in Colorado (and probably still could if she was allowed to at Strasburg, since they take such great care of her).

So imagine this. You've got something that weighs 106 tons going at 50 mph. Behind it are a bunch of cars laden with goods (in 90's case, she pulled sugar beet trains). You are NOT going to be able to stop on a dime. That's why trains require constant communication with both the entire crew and signalpeople and dispatchers along the line - to make sure traffic flow is kept clear and to warn of any incidents well in advance that would require the engineer to stop the train. Stopping #90 was a multi-step process - I first had to close her throttle down, and then I had to ease on her brake until she came to a stop. It wasn't instantaneous, like it would have been in a car. We came to a rolling stop. No matter how modern or efficient your train is, you're not going to be able to jam on the brakes that way.

I wasn't allowed to take any photos in the cab (safety, again), but here's two shots of me driving her backwards:

Note that I am a) verrrry focused on what I'm doing and extremely serious about it and b) leaning out the cab window for increased visibility. The door in the front of 90's cab was open, too, which helped me see further out the front, but when it comes to going backwards, I had to lean out the cab window. Steam locomotives actually usually have cushioned arm rests in the windows because engineers have to lean out the window going forward and backward.

Staying in communication has gotten a lot easier with modern technology. Although she was built in 1924, 90 has a radio installed, so the engineer overseeing me driving and a conductor were in constant communication, with the conductor reporting distances in terms of car lengths so those of us in the cab knew when to cut the speed. He was an extra pair of eyes on the back of the train. On longer trains, you'll usually have a team of people working under the head conductor to do this, including brakemen, who historically would use flag and lantern signals to send information up to the head conductor and engineer. Nowadays, we have radios, but on heritage railways, these signals survive in places. I try to learn Strasburg's hand signals whenever I'm there, just in case I need them. They're helpful, especially since steam locomotives are quite loud!

These days, trains usually have something called Positive Train Control, which basically sends the train information about where it can travel safely, how fast it can do so, etc. If you see a steam locomotive doing a mainline excursion and it has a diesel behind it, the diesel is likely providing Positive Train Control for the train (as well as power to air conditioning for passenger cars, etc.). In terms of pulling the train, the steam locomotive won't need the diesel's help - it's significantly more powerful. But in terms of staying in touch, that's where it comes in handy. Union Pacific Big Boy 4014 has actually been fitted with PTC, because Ed Dickens is a fucking steam god and I want to be as cool as he is someday.

Before you take off, you need to go through and make sure everything's in working order, too. The system of pointing and calling is an effective way to do this, and it helps improve your muscle memory, to boot. By verbally stating each task as you go through it and check to make sure each step is done in the right order and everything is functioning, you don't miss them or skip over things, you don't rush, and you're more likely to notice if something isn't right. In the NYC Subway, we have these things called zebra signs (or should that be Zebstrika signs?) at each station above the platform. They mark the specific spot on each platform that the train needs to stop at. When the train stops, the engineer should have it lined up so that the car the conductor is in is lined up with the sign, and the conductor confirms this by opening their window and pointing at the sign in acknowledgement. Once you know they're doing it you can start watching for them doing it, or, you know, stand under the sign and hold up funny signs for them that they're legally required to point at.

So Emmet bringing this up isn’t just an off-handed thing. This is a legitimate and extremely important aspect of his job, especially since he and his brother work with moving passengers in a densely populated city. There’s a lot of extra safety things to be concerned with regarding passengers - their safety needs to be ensured if there’s an emergency, the train gets stuck in a tunnel and they have to be evacuated, etc. You have to know exactly how to handle those situations, and you have to be prepared if they do come up, but you also shouldn’t usually get to that point because you already made sure the passengers were kept safe because you followed signals and scheduling.

A quick, tl;dr version would be something like this:

Before you even get into the train, check the locomotive and cars to make sure they’re serviceable (on steam locomotives, this involves the engineer oiling the wheels, etc.)

Once in the cab of the locomotive, go through the operating procedure to start driving

Do NOT start driving without signaling that you’re going to move. Usually that’s two short whistles if you’re going forward or three short whistles if you’re going backwards. This gives people time to get out of the way. You’ll also ring the bell when you start moving, too.

Stay in constant communication with the crew and keep an eye on your surroundings.

At a crossing, you have to whistle AND ring the bell to give cars and pedestrians a clear warning that you’re coming (whistle pattern is long-long-short-long). Repeat as necessary until you hit the crossing.

GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO STOP. This one’s crucial. You can’t stop right away, you’re moving too much weight to do so.

Follow any light signals you receive, as they’re a good well-in-advance warning of any issues, and make sure your radio is working all the time. If you lose that communication, you’re in trouble.

Don’t be this guy. (Okay, this one is a joke, it’s a VHS I grew up with as a little kid. But seriously, don’t be this guy.)

Hopefully this makes some sense, anon!

[navalcriminalimagines]

Can I pretty please request a Dwayne Pride x Fem!Reader fic where they’re having a lazy day and stay in bed with prompt #29.....the ones you found on Wattpad

TY 🖤❤️🖤❤️

29. “I know I’ve kissed you like, ten time, but just like another ten, please.”

Lazy day

When you learned why was Dwayne nicknamed ‘King’, you knew you weren’t dating a regular man.

But nothing prepared you for what it would be like. Him being a driven federal agent who loved his city more than reason. Dwayne’s ultimate wish was for New Orleans to be a safe place for its inhabitants and tourists, no matter that he knew it was impossible. He overworked himself and took uncontrollable risks everyday. Pretty much like when he got shot twice and almost died.

You were seriously getting worried about him. He wasn’t taking time for himself, always 100% into work even when he was at home. You even talked to his team and realized that they were worried too, but Dwayne was a stubborn man.

So you came up with a plan to force him to take a day off. You knew it was a risk. He wasn’t the kind of man to get mad at you - especially when your intention was to take care of him - but he could get frustrated with your plan. It could make things worse, but you had to do it for his own sake, for his health - physical and mental.

You planned everything with Tammy one night as the team was having a drink at the Tru Tone. And two days later, it was on.

You woke up before he did, and turned off his alarm. He was deep in his sleep, he didn’t even hear you getting out of bed. Tammy was waiting outside. You opened the door, gave her the keys and she locked the both of you inside. “Let him sleep as much as possible!” She winked and left.

You joined him in bed, and spooned him. For a moment you were afraid he would wake up but all he did was sighing before softly snoring again. With a smile on your face, you fell back asleep.

A little more than an hour later, you felt him rushing out of bed. You opened your eyes and watched him getting dress in a hurry. “I’m late, darling. And so are you, actually.”

He stared, puzzled that you were rushing like he was. “Drop the jeans and come back to bed.” You told him. “You can’t go anywhere anyway.” He looked completely confused now. “We’re locked in. Lazy day for the both of us.”

“Sweetheart, I can’t—“

You stood up on the bed, reaching for his shoulders. “I know I’m taking a risk here. But you need to rest, D. And since I know you won’t do it on your own, I’m forcing your hand.”

“Did you—hide the keys or something?”

“Would’ve been too easy. Someone locked us in. Only way out? Jumping from the balcony.” You watched him taking a look into the living area, where you could reach the balcony. “Tell me you’re not thinking about jumping your way out.”

“It’s not that high.”

“Dwayne Cassius Pride! Seriously!”

He sighed with a small smile. He grabbed you by your hips and pressed your body against his. “What are we supposed to do today then?”

Smiling, you kissed his jawline, cheeks and nose. “Absolutely nothing.” You pressed your lips against his. “Laying in bed, sleeping, eating properly, having sex.”

With his forehead against yours, he exhaled intensely, “that does sound really nice.” He held you tighter.

“So, you’re not upset?” You kissed his neck.

“I am—infuriated. But I’ll take it out on my team later. ‘Cause I guess they are in on it.”

It was mostly Tammy but you weren’t throwing her under the bus. So you just hummed in response, kissing him more intensely until he fell back into bed with you, his strong body covering yours.

He made love to you. It was slow and sweet and very Dwayne Pride. With your schedules, and how worked up he’s been for a year, you weren’t the kind of couple to have sex everyday. But you didn’t mind because when you finally had the opportunity to be intimate, Dwayne was fully there with you. You never admitted it directly to him but he was the best sex you’ve ever had.

As you were laying in bed, you told him the ground rules for the day. You told him that everytime he talked about work, and even think about it - admitting that you can see it on his face when he does - he’d lose ten minutes of his time with you.

“What?” He chuckled, holding you close to his chest.

“You heard me. If there’s a hint of shoptalk today, I’m depriving you of me for ten long minutes.”

He kissed your temple, agreeing to the rule.

You cooked him breakfast - that you ate in bed - and around noon, Dwayne was fast asleep. Laying shirtless on bed, the sheets only covering his legs, you were softly caressing all over his torso when your fingers focused around the bullet wound right above his heart. “If I’m not allowed to talk or think about work, you’re not allowed to think about this.” He said.

You leaned down to kiss his shoulder, close to the wound. “Just one thing.” He opened his eyes to look at you. “That was when I knew—that you were the love of my life, Dwayne.” You confessed, “I was losing you and I couldn’t help but to think that I’ve never told you just how much I love you.”

Dwayne smiled, squeezing your hand in his. “I knew it, darling. You never had to say it. You and Laurel were the reasons why I fought hard.”

You curled up against him, resting your head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat and you both took a little nap.

He failed to leave work out of the door. He checked his phone late in the afternoon, thinking that you were in the bathroom.

“Checking your phone is the ultimate offense, Pride. The ten minutes turned into thirty.”

“Aw come on sweetheart!” He whined, “Don’t do this to me.”

He tried to reach for you but you took a step back. You grabbed his phone to set the alarm thirty minutes later. “I’ll see you in half an hour. Nap on the couch.”

He tried to reach for you again but you rushed into the bedroom and locked yourself in the bedroom. You waited for the alarm to go off, and it was thirty very long minutes, knowing that he was just right there.

When you unlocked the door, Dwayne was standing there. Almost like he stood behind the door, waiting for the minutes to be over. He grabbed you in a second and threw the both of you onto the bed. His mouth was all over you. “Don’t ever deprived me of you again.” He groaned.

“You knew the rules.” You chuckled.

He held you and kissed you like he hadn’t seen you in months. Laughing, you tried to get out of his hold but he wasn’t letting you go. “I need to go the bathroom.”

“You had thirty minutes to go.”

“I didn’t want to and now I do.”

With a grown, he let you go. But as soon as you came back, he was all over you again, “I know I’ve kissed you like, ten times, but just like another ten, please.”

You pushed him to make him roll over. You straddled him, and you were the one kissing him. Neither of you had much clothes on, but what you had quickly ended on the floor.

“You wanna know when I knew I won’t be able to love anyone else no matter what happens between us?” He asked, between two kisses.

“When?”

“Today.”

[instantpansies]

well. alright then.

thoughts on episode one:

holy fuck that was long. hour and 28 minutes and for no reason whatsoever

so, it's tropey. especially the characters i'm just gonna go through everyone:

dot: dorothy's daughter, alright. pretty standard Sweet Girl Protagonist, honestly just a very dorothy-ish characterization, fairly caring but determined and driven. not a lot to say. likeable tho!

neddie: dorothy's son. The Child. emotional, needs comfort and protection, empathetic to animals and 'outcast' people, caring and sweet and naïve and helpless. whatever honestly he could be much worse - i'm hoping we see more complexity moving forward is all.

frank: wizard's son. Serious Nerd/Tech Whiz. ehhh, honestly. he's focused, no-nonsense, and knowledgeable, but we do see a more casual or caring side, so i guess that lends him a bit more nuance?? i like that his name is frank (homage to baum!)

scarecrow: i think it's pretty obvious whose kid he is. if frank is the Serious Nerd, junior is the Comic Relief Nerd. a literal punching bag but it's not played too far, which i appreciate. makes jokes, isn't just the butt of them. smart, and the show makes it clear, but his intelligence isn't really utilized. if anything we could call him the Useless Nerd, even. idk, i like him okay. i hope he doesn't get flanderized into a true punching bag bc there is some potential here

tin boy: yes, he's called tin boy. i know, im disappointed too. yes girl give us nothing!!! i know nothing about him and he had the fewest lines of all the gang this episode :( very unfortunate this is definitely a strike for the show :(

jack pumpkinhead's son: i don't. i don't know his name. sorry. it's probably jack. he doesn't have much more characterization than the tin boy (chill runs down my spine every time i write that), but he gets some points bc he stood up to a couple of the approximately one thousand villains of this episode. so. the scrappy one, i guess?

boris: lion's son. The Coward/Afraid Of Everything. that's his whole entire thing. every other line is "that's scary!". it's not even the 1939 lion thing where he puts on a brave face but is still terrified (because remember? the lion was courageous all along. king of doing it scared tbh), it's just he's scared. okay.

bella: lion's daughter (they're twins). wowza. the Girl Who Can Fight. she punches, she yells, she can do anything. slay, honestly, but it's a boring tropey character. her whole thing is making fun of her brother for being scared, but not in an interesting way like she's secretly also scared and just isn't showing it. at the end this is briefly subverted and she's shown to feel similarly to her brother despite all the contradiction, but it feels kinda shallow. if they'd introduced this earlier, i'd still think it was a boring direction, but it would've worked better.

andrea: is she?? glinda's kid? or the wicked witch of the west?? or ozma???? i don't know. it was never established. she's the Mean Girl Who Just Wants To Be Included, she can do magic, it's whatever. has a good bit of potential - this trope is kind of irritating to me (idk this type of character i just don't enjoy watching. they're being irritating and unhelpful in a boring way on purpose and i just get tired of it so fast). is she supposed to be dot's rival? idk she was just kinda thrown into the middle of things. anyways, gets a Redemption Arc but is still A Little Mean, you know the drill, even down to the fingers crossed promise. like. okay.

okay that's the kids. rick (rake?) is the Down-On-His-Luck Lovable Old Man, gets 'saved' from his unfortunate circumstances by people from a utopia. very narnia cabby driver core. he does have some decent dry jokes tho, which is fun occasionally. anyways, this show is. it's nothing special. the humor is okay, i've already mentioned it, they're trying. voice acting is very hit or miss and the timing is terrible throughout, so no jokes land and banter feels flat and intense moments are reduced to 'my seventh grade youth group putting on a campfire skit' levels. also what is it with oz adaptations and sound design? the music is very repetitive and doesn't suit the tone of individual situations at times. feels really awkward.

the plot was so convoluted i can't even believe. they made a whole feature-length episode based on the premise 'andrea is mean and magics toto to new york city so now they have to save him". this did not need to be an hour and a half. there were so many sidequests and random micro setbacks and. like i said before it feels like getting blocked in an improv, which is one of my least favorite feelings. it got hard to watch after a while - i just want things to keep happening, ideally in a forward direction, but it just kept stalling and doing little spins in the middle of the road or going off to the side to look at a flower but not pick it. i can excuse filler for a while but THIS WAS A FEATURE LENGTH EPISODE ABOUT RESCUING TOTO FROM UNFAMILIAR PLACE. 90 MINUTES OF THIS IS TOO MUCH. so that was the biggest thing

some nice references to the books! the ork, like i said. andrea's circlet/headdress (which is why i thought she was ozma). the scarecrow taking falls to be a landing pad for someone else. the deadly desert.

also some just. weird shit. there were two Mean Teens (who the show and i have been calling 'the goons' who initially steal toto for money and then have a complete change of heart and just. help everyone? they're not the Two Halves Of A Whole Idiot trope, not quite, but more like a stand-in for that sort of dynamic? idk it's weird. also they just threw some crabs in here for some reason. just a bunch of crabs. your guess is as good as mine

sooo, overall, i'd rate this episode a 1:29:43 out of ten - way longer than necessary or enjoyable, forgettable characters, convoluted and unsympathetic plotline. it wasn't very good. i realize i'm biased, since this show is based around a concept i fundamentally dislike (yes i've written descendants fanfiction what's your point), but i've tried to look at it from a lens of actual analysis of presentation, not believability per se or my own headcanons. it's not very good. i'm gonna probably do this for the other episodes, but definitely in a separate thread bc this is longgggg

wahoo

against my better judgement. i'm gonna watch oz kids

ughghg

i hate kid fics/next gen aus (nothing against them per se, i just personally don't enjoy them at all)

apparently the dorothy chara is like. the daughter of dorothy and zeb???????? they are cousins!!! ?? (i could be wrong about this but that's what i've heard) and listen i am starving for zeb representation too but NOT LIKE THAT

a few minutes in and it's very awkwardly paced with too much silence and the dialogue is hard to hear and there's no subtitles. this is going to be so hard to watch

why am i doing this? bc im desperate that's why. leave me alone

also like. how many extra characters are they gonna have to introduce?? who is the mother of scarecrow's kid?? scraps???????? but i know that's not happening

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x11 thoughts

For an episode that ends with a journalist Ted trusts but has (understandably) recently lied to warning Ted that he’s publishing an article about his panic attacks, it was fitting that this episode seemed entirely about what all of these characters choose to tell each other. And after most of a season of television that Jason Sudeikis has described as the season in which the characters go into their little caves to deal with things on their own, it turns out they are finally able to tell each other quite a lot.

Which is good because, um, wow, a lot is going to happen in the season finale of this show!

Thoughts on the things people tell each other behind the cut!

Roy and Keeley. I absolutely loved the moment during their photoshoot in which they bring up a lot of complicated emotional things and are clearly gutted (“gutted”? Who am I? A GBBO contestant who forgot to turn the oven on?) by what they’ve heard. We already know that Keeley and Roy are great at the kinds of moments they have before the shoot begins, in which Roy builds Keeley up and tells her she’s fucking amazing. From nearly the beginning of their relationship, they’ve supported each other and been each other’s biggest fans. But their relationship has gone on long enough that they’ve progressed from tentative arguments about space and individual needs into really needing to figure out what they mean to each other and how big their feelings are and what that means in relation to everything else. Watching these two confess about the uncomfortable kiss with Nate, the unexpectedly long conversation with Phoebe’s teacher, and—most painfully—the revelation that Jamie still loves Keeley didn’t feel like watching two people who are about to break up. (Although I could see them potentially needing space from each other to get clarity.) It felt like watching two people realize just how much they’d lose if they lost each other, which is an understandably scary feeling even—or especially—when you’re deeply in love but not entirely sure what the future holds. Not entirely sure what you’re capable of when you’ve never felt serious about someone in quite this way, and are realizing you have to take intentional actions to choose that relationship every single day. I’m excited to learn whether Roy and Keeley decide they need to solidify their relationship more (not necessarily an engagement, but maybe moving in together or making sure they’re both comfortable referring to the other as partner and telling people they’re in a committed relationship) or if things go in a different direction for a while.

Sharon and Ted. I’ve had this feeling of “Wow, Ted is going to feel so intense about how honest he’s been with Sharon and is going to end up getting really attached and transfer a lot of emotions onto the connection they have and that is stressful no matter how beneficial it has been for him to finally get therapy!” for a while now. And Sharon’s departure really brought that out and it was indeed stressful. But the amount of growth that’s happened for both of these characters is really stunningly and beautifully conveyed in this episode. Ted is genuinely angry she left without saying goodbye, and he doesn’t bury it some place deep inside him where it will fester for the next thirty years. He expresses his anger. (I also noticed he sweared—mildly—in front of her again, which is really a big tell for how much he has let his carefully-constructed persona relax around her.) He reads her letter even though he said he wasn’t going to, and he’s moved. I don’t think Ted has the words for his connection to Sharon beyond “we had a breakthrough,” but Sharon gets it, and is able to firmly assert a professional boundary by articulating her side of that breakthrough as an experience that has made her a better therapist. And is still able to offer Ted a different kind of closure by suggesting they go out before her train leaves. No matter how you feel about a patient/football manager seeing their therapist/team psychologist colleague socially, I appreciated this story because IMO it didn’t cross big lines but instead was about one final moment in this arc in which both Ted and Sharon saw each other clearly and modeled what it is to give someone what they need and to expect honesty and communication from them. I liked that Ted ends up being the one saying goodbye. (The mustache in the exclamation points!) I like that whether or not Sharon returns in any capacity (Sarah Niles is so wonderful that I hope she does, but I’m not sure), the goodbye these characters forge for themselves here is neither abandonment nor a new, more complicated invitation. It’s the end of a meaningful era, and although the work of healing is the work of a lifetime, it’s very beautiful to have this milestone.

Ted and Rebecca. So, maybe it’s just me, but it kinda feels like these two have a few li’l life things to catch up on?! (HAHHHHHaSdafgsdasdf!) I really adored their interactions in this episode. I maintain that Biscuits With The Boss has been happening this whole time (even when Ted’s apartment was in shambles, there’s biscuit evidence, and I feel like we’ve been seeing the biscuit boxes in Rebecca’s office pretty regularly too), even if it might have been more of a drive-by biscuit drop-off/feelings avoidance ritual. It was really lovely to see Ted on more even footing in Rebecca’s office, joking around until she tells him to shut up, just like the old days. And GOSH—for their 1x9 interaction in Ted’s office to be paralleled in this episode and for Ted to explicitly make note of the parallel in a way Rebecca hears and sees and understands?! MY HEART. In both of Rebecca’s confessions, she is not bringing good news but it is good and meaningful that she chooses to share with Ted. In both situations, Ted takes the moment in stride and offers acceptance equivalent to the gravity of what she has to confess. And in both situations, he’s not some kind of otherworldly saint, able to accept Rebecca no matter what because he’s unaffected by what she shares. He is affected. When he tells her about Sam, you can see a variety of emotions on his face. Rebecca is upset and Ted is calm, and even if I might have liked for him to try to talk about the risk the affair poses to the power dynamics on the team or any number of factors, I also really liked that he just accepts where she is, and—most importantly—does not offer her advice beyond examining herself and taking her own advice. A massive part of being in a relationship with another person (a close relationship of any nature) is figuring out how to support that person without necessarily having to be happy about every single thing they do. It’s so important that Ted connects what she’s just told him about Sam back to what she told him last season about her plot with the club. These both feel like truth bombs to him, and he is at least safe enough to make that clear. These are both things that impact him, things that shape how he sees her and maybe even how he sees himself. He cares about her and is capable of taking in this information; he has room for it. But it’s not something he takes lightly, and neither does she. See you next year.

Tumblr user chainofclovers and the TV show Ted Lasso. My brain is going wild thinking about all the ways the next “truth bomb” conversation could go in 3x11 or whatever. Maybe they go full consistent parallel and Rebecca confesses something else, this time about her and Ted or some other big future thing that impacts him as much or more as the other confessions have. (The same but different.) Maybe the tables turn and Ted has something to confess to her. While the 1x9 conversation ended in an embrace and the 2x11 conversation ended with a bit more physical distance (understandable given the current state of their relationship and the nature of the discussion), the verbal ending of both conversations involved voices moving into a sexier lower register while zooming in to talk specifically about their connection to each other, so I have to assume there will be some consistencies in s3 even if the circumstances will be completely different. I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I obviously will go insane if I sustain this level of anticipatory energy until Fall 2022 but I have a feeling my brain and heart are going to try!

Sam and Rebecca. I know there’s been a lot of criticism about whether this show is being at all realistic about the power dynamics and inevitable professional issues this relationship would create. On some level, I agree; I like that pretty much everyone who knows about the affair has been kind so far, but you can be kind and still ask someone to contend with reality. But I also think that in nearly every plot point on this show, the narrative is driven by how people feel about their circumstances first and foremost. (It’s why the whiteboard in the coaching office and the football commentators tell us more about how the actual football season is going from a points perspective than anyone else.) This episode reminded me how few people know about Sam and Rebecca, and how much their time together so far has been time spent in bed. The private sphere. I thought this episode really expertly brought the public sphere into it, not—thank goodness—through a humiliating exposure or harsh judgment but through an opportunity for Sam that illustrates not only all his potential to do great things but how much Rebecca’s professional position and personal feelings are in conflict with that. Could stand in the way of that. I don’t have a strong gut feeling about where this will go, but I do think Sam’s face in his final scene of this episode is telling. He started the episode wanting to see Rebecca (his most recent text to her was about wanting to connect), and Edwin’s arrival from Ghana really exploded his sense of what is possible for his life. If he’d arrived home to Rebecca sitting on his stoop prior to meeting Edwin, he’d have been delighted. Now he’s conflicted, and whatever decision he makes, he has to reckon with the reality that he cannot have everything he wants. No matter what. And Rebecca—she has taken Ted’s advice and is attempting to be honest about the fact that she can’t control Sam’s decisions but hopes he doesn’t go, and even saying that much feels so inappropriate. And I���m not sure how much she realizes about the inappropriateness of the position she’s putting him in, although maybe she’s getting there considering she exits the scene very quickly. I’ve honestly loved Rebecca’s arc this season. I think it’s realistic that she got obsessed with the intimacy she thought she could find in her phone. I think it’s realistic that her professional and personal ambitions are inappropriately linked. (They certainly were for Rupert. It’s been years since she’s known anything different; even if she’s done some significant recovery work to move on from her abusive marriage and figure out her own priorities, she’s got a long way to go.) I know there are people who will read this interaction between Rebecca and Sam as a totally un-self-aware thing on the part of “the show” or “the writers” but what I saw is two people who enjoyed being in bed together and now have to deal with the reality that they’re in two different places in their lives and that one has great professional power over the other. If that wasn’t in the show, I wouldn’t be able to see it or feel so strongly about it.

Edwin and Sam. I really enjoyed all the complexities of this interaction. Edwin is promising a future for Sam that doesn’t quite exist yet, though he has the financial means to make it happen. He offers this by constructing for Sam a Nigerian—and Ghanaian—experience unlike anything he’s found in London. Sam is amazed that this experience is here, and Edwin’s response is to explain to him that the experience is not here. Not really. The experience in Africa. Sam has of course connected to the other Nigerian players on the team, but this is something else entirely. I’m really curious if Sam is going to end up feeling that what Edwin has to offer is real or not. That sense of home and connection? So real. And so right that he would want to experience that homecoming and would want to be part of building that experience for others. But at the end of the day, he went to a museum full of actors and a pop-up restaurant full of “friends,” and is that constructed authenticity as a stand-in for a real homecoming more or less real than the home he’s building in Richmond? (With other players who stand in solidarity with him, and with well-meaning white coaches who say dumb stuff sometimes, and an a probably-doomed love interest, and a feeling that he should put chicken instead of goat in the jollof, and the ability to stand out as an incredible player on a rising team.)

Nate and everyone. But also Nate and no one. Nate’s story is so painful and I’m so anxious for next week’s episode. For a long time I’ve felt that a lot of Nate’s loyalties are with Richmond, and a lot of his ambitions are around having given so much to this place without getting a lot back, and having a strong feeling that he’s the answer to Richmond’s future. But now I’m not so sure; his ambitions have transferred into asking everyone he knows (except Ted, of course), if they want to be “the boss.” But Nate is all tactics and no communication. When he wants to suggest a new play to Ted, he hasn’t yet learned to read Ted’s language to learn that Ted is eager to hear what he has to say. And while Ted has been really unfortunately distracted about Nate and dismissive of him this season, he clearly respects Nate’s approach to football and was appreciative of the play. Nate just can’t hear that. The suit is such a great metaphor of all the things Nate is in too much pain to be able to hear clearly. Everyone digs at him for wearing the suit Ted bought him (including Will, who’s got to get little cuts in where he can, because he’s got to be sick of the way Nate treats him), but when he gets fed up his solution isn’t to go out on his own and find more clothes he likes; he asks Keeley to help him. And then crosses a major line with her...and no matter how kind she was about it, she was clearly not okay. Everything is going to blow up, and I’m so curious as to whether Nate will end up aligning himself with Rupert in some way or if he’s going to end up screwed over by Rupert and in turn try to screw over his colleagues even worse than he’s already done. Or try desperately to make amends even though it could be too late for some. Either way, I’m fully prepared to feel devastated. (And there’s no way I’m giving up on this character. If he’s able to learn, I truly believe he could end up seeking forgiveness and forging a happier existence for himself. Someday. Like in season 3 or something.)

Ted and Trent. Trent deciding to reveal his source to Ted is a huge deal, and I’m torn between so many emotions about this exposé. I’m glad it’s a Trent Crimm piece and not an Ernie Loundes piece. I’m glad that Trent made the decision to warn Ted and let him know that Nate is his source. I fear—but also hope—that this exposure will set off a chain reaction of Ted learning about some of the things he’s missed while suffering through a really bad bout with his dad-grief and panic disorder. The things Ted doesn’t know would devastate him. I wonder if Ted will want to figure out a way to make Nate feel heard and reconcile with him, and I wonder how that will be complicated if/when he realizes Nate has severely bullied Will, gets more details on how he mistreated Colin, etc. I wonder if Rebecca, whom Nate called a “shrew” right before she announced his promotion, will be in the position of having to ask Ted to fire him, or overriding Ted and doing it herself. So many questions! I have a feeling it’ll go in some wild yet very human-scaled, emotionally-nuanced direction, and I’ll be like “Oh my GOD!” but also like “Oh, of course.”

This VERY SERIOUS AND EMOTIONAL REVIEW has a major flaw, which is that none of the above conversations include mention of the absolute love letter to N*SYNC. Ted passionately explains how things should go while dancing ridiculously! Will turns on the music and starts gyrating! Roy nods supportively! Beard shouts the choreography like the Broadway choreographer of teaching grown men who play football how to dance like a boy band. Everyone is so incredibly proud when they nail it. I love them.

I cannot believe next week is the end. For now. I’m kind of looking forward to letting everything settle during the hiatus, but I’ve really loved the ride.

[harbouredsoulss]

Exit Wound - 2nd & Final Part

Author’s note: 

SUPRISE!

I was so close to turning this into three parts. Instead I decided I would make this one longer! I really loved writing this!

I am so excited to share more stories with you! I have so much planned. 

I really really hope you enjoy this! Please don’t forget to like, comment, & reblog. I would really appreciate it 💞

If you’d like to be added to my Tag List for any EZ, Angel, Mayan or all of my fics, just let me know 🥰

You can read Part One here and my Masterlist here. 

EZ Reyes X [OC] Amalia 

Warnings: Injured EZ! Mentions of blood. Swearing! Fluff. SEX. 

Word Count: 2.1K

Summary: EZ brought a knife to a gun fight. Now Amalia is stuck having to use her nursing skills to save her boyfriends life. Will she save him?

_________________________________

She sat there for a time, kneeling beside the couch, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he took in unsteady breaths. Angel had begged her to go to bed and get some rest but she couldn’t bring herself to leave EZ’s side. 

Angel tried everything he could think of to convince her to go to sleep but knew nothing he would say could change her mind.

It was moments like this where Angel hoped he would find something like this one day. The unwavering love and commitment Amalia had for his brother was unshakeable and made him slightly jealous, though he would never say that out loud. 

Later on in the night Coco and Gilly had come back to drop off the pain relief and antibiotics. They didn’t stay too long, they could tell just by looking at her she wasn’t in the mood to entertain anyone, nor should she be. They left with goodbyes and good luck, though they kept the latter for Angel’s ears only. Amalia was grateful they had gotten back so quick with the supplies and she desperately wanted to wake EZ and give him the medicine as soon as possible but she knew he needed to rest, and decided it could wait until he wakes. 

The minutes ticked down as did the hours as she sat there, eyes trained on the rise and fall of her lover’s chest. For a time, she sat there caressing his face, allowing silent tears to stream down her own.  His forehead was covered with sweat, his temperature rising. She wiped at the beads of sweat with a wet rag, allowing the cold cloth to mildly ease his fever down. 

When dawn was nearing, Amalia found herself drifting in and out of consciousness, head resting on her arm that lay on the edge of the couch, her fingers intertwined with EZ’s. Her mind continued to torture her with fleeting visions of EZ dying on their sofa, blood pouring from his wounds, voice screaming in pain, echoing all around her. There were moments where she would wake with a start, eyes wide, squeezing his hand, running hers up and down his arm just to feel his warmth. To see he was still there with her. 

She continued these bouts of suffering as her body fought for her to sleep and it was only after the third nightmarish vision, she had of losing EZ that her mind rewarded her with a faint memory instead of a twisted dream. It was of a time when their relationship was new and fresh. Yearning, and anticipation reaching the cusp, they had finally given in to their desires. It was the beginning of everything, and that’s where her memory took her.  

Amalia’s body was wrapped in his arms, legs tangled together she couldn’t tell where she began and EZ ended. Her breathing was laboured, hands running up and down tracing the ridges of his chest. It was the night they had first slept together, though this moment was long after they enjoyed each other.

EZ had fallen asleep with his arm around her waist. Sleep didn’t come easy to Amalia that night. She was too buzzed with what they had done. She’d had sex before, and like EZ, she would have drifted off by now but that night everything felt different and it was as she continued laying there listening to his intake of breath, as his dreams consumed him, she soon realised why. 

“How do you feel,” she heard him murmur against her skin. 

“Amazing,” she whispered, a coy smile on her face, “but I thought you were asleep?”

Craning her neck, she turned to look up at EZ and found him just as she thought, fast asleep. It took everything in her to not burst out laughing. She felt ridiculous beyond belief. EZ was talking in his sleep. 

“I love you,” she froze, hand stilling on EZ’s cheek as she heard him speak those words they had never shared before.

“Te quiero, Amalia.” 

The memories were so intense, and powerful Amalia ended up crying herself awake. Though this time when she woke, she found EZ’s head turned towards her, eyes opened wide watching her. 

“You’re awake,” she said, voice cracking. 

“Barely.” he whispered back, wincing as he tried to move his body to face her more clearly. 

“Baby,” she whined, standing up and gently placing both her hands on his shoulders to keep him from moving, “you need to stay put.”

Her face hovered above his as she stood like that, trying to make her point as gently as possible. His eyes stared into hers not before taking in the look on her face, which happened to be wrought with anguish and exhaustion, cheeks tear stained with lips cracked and bleeding. He could only imagine what she had gone through within the past twenty-four hours. 

She didn’t say anything for a moment and neither did he. They just stared at one another. Observing the contours of one another’s faces, making sure to mark this moment in their memory. Though EZ had no problem with that, he never forgets. 

“How long have you been sitting there?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

“All night,” she said as she pulled away to sit on the coffee table behind her, “I had to make sure you didn’t die. I wasn’t alone though.” She pointed to where Angel’s sleeping form laid on the recliner positioned to EZ’s right.  

“He refused to leave and kept nagging me to go to bed.”

“You should’ve listened to him.”

“And you wouldn’t have done the same thing? EZ we both know if the roles were reversed – if it were me on this couch right now, you wouldn’t have left my side either. Hell, you would’ve driven me to the hospital.” 

They were at a stalemate both knowing she was right. Both knowing nothing more could be said to contradict her statement. He was madly in love with this woman and wouldn’t live in a world where she didn’t. He would have also stayed.

“If I had lost you EZ, I-I I don’t think I could live with myself.”

She looked at him then and allowed all her despair and anger to seep its way out of her. To expose him to it. His body stilled and he tried to turn away not wanting to see what he put her through. But he looked and watched as she could finally breath in relief. It struck him suddenly – piercingly, as to how much he had put her through, and because of that he could have sworn he heart his heart begin to break. 

“I know,” he whispered, though he knew he would never truly know until he was in the same position. 

There wasn’t much that could be said for what happened. EZ knew he could apologise; profusely, however, it would do no good. What he brought to Amalia – what he put her through was something he knew would kill him had it been her bleeding, damaged body brought to his door step. If it were him who had to sew up her wounds. 

Throughout the day little to no words were shared between them. Though that didn’t mean anything sinister to their relationship. EZ knew once he was better, he could make it up to her and Amalia knew that nothing EZ did to hurt her was intentional. He didn’t ask to be shot. She knew what she was getting herself into when they started dating, hell, even before that. She knew who EZ was and she loved him anyway. 

__________________________

Four weeks later

“No fondling the help!” Amalia said, doing her best to swipe EZ’s wandering hands away which were trying to make their way up her skirt.  

He lay on their bed, wound still covered and healing. He was a lot stronger than that night. Since then, he had been out and about, though his nurse was strict and limited him when it came to wandering around. She was too afraid he would rip open his stitches.  

“It’s not my fault you’re so… sexy.”

Through his healing process Amalia found EZ’s sex drive, which had thus far been neglected, had grown, and at first, she was scared. Too afraid of hurting him, or injuring him further. Though as he began to heal, albeit, slowly, she allowed their nefarious activities to return – though they were limited. She could tell he wanted more than what she gave but she couldn’t quite get past that fear. 

The first time they had sex after the incident involved Amalia on top, hands on either shoulder, straddling EZ’s waist. His wound was still on her mind at all times, as was the fear. EZ couldn’t have cared less. He wanted inside and was willing to have his stitches tear if it meant getting what he wanted. 

She felt like a nervous teenager again who was about to lose her virginity, unsure of what to do with her hands. She was too afraid to put too much pressure on different parts of his body. Too afraid to hurt him. 

“You won’t kill me by touching me,” he said, hands gripping her waist as he ground the most sensitive part of her body onto his, “but not touching me, will.”

A small gasp left her mouth as he repeated the action again. It had been so long since they had touched each other like this, though she was still clothed. She wanted to give in and remove the fear from herself. She was close to doing so, especially when his fingers found her clit. He had moved her panties to the side and began rubbing the little nub slowly. 

EZ loved hearing the sounds that escaped as he teased her. He lay there looking up watching her as he continued to pleasure her, and allowed himself to ease a finger inside. 

“Fuck! EZ!”

He grinned, proud to hear his name on her lips and added another. He could feel the tension within her begin to build slowly as he picked up the pace, and knew she was close, but he was selfish. He wanted to be inside her when she came. 

Removing his fingers, he tried as best he could, withholding a wince, to push his cock inside her. By this point, Amalia had stilled already missing where his fingers had been, not expecting the intrusive entrance of his cock. 

“Ride me,” he rasped, “ride me hard.” 

She did as he begged, disregarding her previous fears.

She fucked him hard and fast, the sound of their skin slapping together echoing throughout the room. His pleasure was ecstasy and that made him numb to the pain. It made him lean forward gripping the back of her neck, pulling her head back so he could lavish her throat with his lips. With one hand on her waist, he allowed the other to find her breasts. He began to tease her nipples one at a time tweaking the little buds enjoying the sounds escaping her as he did so. Soon his mouth ventured down to her chest and gave it the same attention he did her throat. He left small purple bruises on her skin. Some that would have been easy to hide, others more difficult. 

The pressure was beginning to build inside them both, becoming more intense. It caused them to go harder and faster than they did before which Amalia did not think was physically possible. This meant that they had no rhythm. Not that they minded.  They just continued to thrust their bodies towards one another seeking the friction and pleasure they needed to get to the end. EZ’s fingers we back on her clit rubbing furiously, willing Amalia closer and closer to her orgasm. He wanted her to cum first, clenching herself on his cock as he had experienced in the past. He had missed this. Her. 

“Fuck EZ!” She was close, so close. 

“Come on baby,” he panted in her ear, urging her on. 

“I’ve got you,” he cooed, “just let go.”

And she did. 

She screamed his name, voice cracking as he continued to fuck her.

Her clit abandoned, he gripped her hips, fingers digging into her skin as he finally brought himself to climax. 

A loud moan escaped him, her name a whisper on his lips that he chose to repeat over and over again as his climax washed over him. His thrusts began to slow as they began to cool down. He brought his face closer to hers, forehead to forehead. Lips brushing each other’s.

“You’re bleeding.” She whispered. 

He looked down briefly and caught sight of his white bandage that now showed splotches of blood.

“It was worth it.” He grinned.

TAGLIST [OPEN]: @appropriate-writers-name​ 

[fweasleyswhore]

F.W. Who We Are

Chapter One: One More Time

a/n: ok chapter one! i was going to start with a one shot but got rather carried away with this idea so this will prob be a three - five chapter kind of thing. hope you like it !!

Pairing: Fred Weasley x fem!reader / Slytherin!reader

Summary: fred and george tell you their idea for a new prank. cute fluff with some memories. (groundwork for upcoming chapters)

Word Count: 3.2k

I always looked forward to Christmas, every year it was a chance to go home and relax, considering everything that had happened in the past two years, watching your friends battle death itself when they themselves barely understood it as it is. I looked at Ron, Hermione, and Harry like little siblings, and watching them constantly get tackled with hardships and pain hurt me. I often put myself out on the line for them, I was only a year older than them but I knew if in their position I would want help too. 

Ron was actually how I met Fred and George, although I knew of them due to their pranks on the student body I didn’t know them personally. Their company was worth the many times I stuck my neck out for the trio. I reminisced on the times I almost died or nearly got expelled but it was completely worth it, my friendship blossomed with George first, he never let me forget how I helped save Ron and Harry from the forbidden forest spiders, he would go as far as to tease Ron about having a crush on me but I assured him Ron had a thing for Hermione. Fred took longer to warm up to me though, I thought he hated me at first but he’s a sweetheart, just was shy, I understood why with my house being what it was. 

“Ah, my favorite imposter. How are you Y/N?” George asks. I turn around from my position on the couch, grinning up to George and Fred. The Gryffindor common room had become like a second home to me. I believe I spend more time here than my Slytherin common room, the portrait just lets me in, although I believe that may be because it was hexed by the twins. 

“I am doing swimmingly George, although I would be doing better had you two arrived on time.” I said, still smiling. It was no secret that the boys tended to make plans and be anywhere from 20 to nearly 40 minutes late. 

“Have you ever considered that you are always early? We never said 2 o’clock I remember us saying 2-ish.” Fred said as he plopped down on the couch. He adjusted for a moment finally sprawling about and placing his head in my lap. He grinned up to me and I could feel my face begin to flush. I turned my attention to George who promptly smacked Fred on the forehead, I assume for taking all the space up on the couch before sitting on the floor in front of us. 

Finally, I spoke again once I knew that my voice wouldn’t falter. “2-ish does not mean after 3.” I flicked Fred on the head and he yelped dramatically and placed his hand over his heart with a hurt look on his face. 

“You can’t act like you want our company and then bully us!” Fred said, drawing out his dramatics. I rolled my eyes. 

“Wrong.” I chirped, looking down at the beautiful boy under me. I nearly forgot to speak, I was so transfixed on his eyes. “I’m not bullying George.” 

George snorted and threw his head back laughing. Fred glared at me and stuck his bottom lip out in a pout. My eyes moved down looking at his lips. Don’t stare at your best friend’s lips Y/N. I shook my head at the thoughts of Fred’s lips and instead looked at George who was smirking at me. He had caught me multiple times ogling at his twin. The first time he confronted me about his question was “Why not me, I’m obviously the better-looking twin!” which earned him a good punch in the arm. I had never admitted to the growing crush I had on Fred to him but then again I never denied it either. That was enough for my private teasing from him. I ignored him and pressed on. 

“Now will you tell me what the plan is, you keep almost telling me and I swear to Merlin if you don’t tell me this time…” I trailed off while giving them both a stern glare to which they both snickered at. I raised my hand to flick Fred again, his eyes widened with fear. “Ok fine!” he exclaimed. “George tell her before she bruises me!” He looked pleadingly at his brother who only rolled his eyes before getting up and looking around making sure we were alone. My hand was still raised and pointed at Fred’s forehead but my eyes were trained on George inspecting the common room. Before I could react Fred had lifted my cardigan and successfully shifted himself so his face was now pressed against my shirt while my cardigan covered his head. 

“Hey!” I yelled while pulling my cardigan back but to no avail, his grip was on it tight. 

“You can’t flick me now Y/N! My forehead is safe!” He yelled into my stomach. I looked up to George who was now sitting in front of us making kissy faces. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a pillow that I promptly chucked at his head but he caught.

Now hugging the pillow against his chest George looked very serious. He lowered his voice when he spoke.  “We need you to help us with this prank because you are a Slytherin.” His eyes met mine pleadingly. My hands stopped wrestling Freds for ownership over my cardigan as I looked at George. 

“Haven’t I already told you guys I’m not helping you torture my house because then my house would torture me? Do you not remember last year?!” I huffed. I hadn’t forgotten the year before when I let them hang out with me in the Slytherin common room. They had offered to help me study but they had ulterior motives, motives which laid with turning most of the other students in the common room into birds. Once I realized what was happening which wasn’t long after a few screams and a lot of feathers being strewn about, I had grabbed the back of their collars and threw them out. Even after shutting the door in their faces, I could hear them laughing on the other side. I spent the rest of my evening burning their Feathered Figs and transfiguring birds back into students. It didn’t upset me too much until I had about five teary first years coughing up feathers and sobbing. I rushed all the ex-bird people to Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing who took care of them. 

Soon enough, Snape had found out, rushed into the hospital wing, grabbed the back of my neck, and pushed me out. Once we were out of earshot he let out on me, he demanded to know the origins of the candies and I took the fall. Saying that I had bought some candies from Honeydukes and Zonkos for friends and got them mixed up. He huffed and gave me a week of detention. It took me two weeks to even look at the twins, they had done everything in their power to try and get my attention on them again but I ignored them. Purposely sitting with Cedric or Luna every day at lunch and dinner. 

After a week and a half of me ignoring them, I was sitting in the courtyard with Cedric. It was our Tuesday tradition to spend the afternoon together doing homework or more likely procrastinating together. Ever since my first year, even after I was sorted in Slytherin, Cedric made time to be with me. He didn’t care so much as some other people who I thought I was friends with before, he said he knew I was a kind person and didn’t see that changing. His kindness was something I always appreciated. Something I didn’t always appreciate was his ability to read me. He always seems to know what is bubbling under the surface, and always knew exactly what to say to help. In this instance, it was to hear the twins out. I remember us fighting about it but in the end, he was right. I had been missing their company more than I had liked to admit, and in my attempts to ignore them I had also been ignoring Harry, Hermione, and Ron. 

The guilt ate away at my chest and I went to the Black Lake, a place the twins and I would meet to blow off steam. Almost like they had telepathic powers, they arrived nearly five minutes after I did, both panting heavily as though they had sprinted from across the castle. Fred was teary-eyed and George held a guilty look on his face. They hugged me at the same time and told me how much they have been dying without me. I laughed, then cried, which freaked them both out because they hugged me with too much force. I smacked them both on the head. 

“Don’t ever use me like that again,” I said sternly. They both nodded looking guiltily at their feet. “Because Merlin I missed you so much.” Their heads snapped up and they smiled, I smiled back. “It’s damn hard to stay mad at you.” I laughed out the words and their smiles grew. “Especially when you are stalking me.” 

Fred and George glanced at each other then laughed. I gave them a puzzled look. “We weren’t planning on stalking you.” George grinned. 

“Not that intensely at least,” Fred added and George shook his head again. “After 3 days Hermione sat us down and lectured us. She told us about your detention, how you took the fall for us-” “Made us feel like foul gits, she did.” George piked in, crossing his arms. Fred nodded enthusiastically. “She told us if we had just driven away one of her best friends and-” he untucked his arms to use air quotes, “The only other girl in the group.” He rolled his eyes. “She would make us wish we weren’t born. I told her you were more like one of the guys in the group and well, she didn’t like that at all.” His eyes went wide at the end of his sentence. I smacked him on the arm. 

“Well I don’t either you git!” I laughed. “At least I know Hermione will always have my back.” I threw my hand on my chest rather dramatically.  

“I will too you know,” Fred spoke up. I looked at him with my brows furrowed. Did he really just? “have your back, I will always be there.” He smiled softly at me and my knees felt like they were going to give out. Something about his soft smile just made my heart swell up. 

We spent the rest of the evening at the lake. Eventually, I laid my head in Fred’s lap, my feet residing in the lap of George. Talked so much that we missed dinner. I hadn’t noticed how late it had gotten until I saw the darkened windows of the castle indicating that everyone had moved up to their dormitories. I shot straight up, bringing myself then the two boys to their feet before jogging towards the castle. They walked me to the Slytherin common room through a secret passage they had found the year prior. Once we got to the painting I looked at both of them. We all had a sudden hesitance to do anything, but not wanting to leave. 

“Well,” I coughed the word out. “Goodnight then.” I smiled at them weakly. George pulled me into one of his famous bear hugs. I laughed into his chest and hugged back. When he finally released me I turned to Fred. My cheeks were burning but it was too dark for him to notice and thank Merlin for that. He quickly wrapped me up as well but his hug felt different. His hands didn’t rest on my back like Georges did, they wrapped around my waist and brought me in tightly. His head was placed in the crook of my neck. With his hands and breath on me, I was feeling dizzy. I stood on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his neck and shoulders. 

“I don’t want you to go, we just got you back.” He murmured into my neck. I squeezed him into me as a response to tell him I felt the same, not trusting my voice to remain steady, before releasing him. When I looked back at him his face resembled a kicked puppy, he looked sad, his brown eyes which usually gleamed with mischief were now glossed with sadness. 

“We could always sneak her into our dorms,” George said, raising his brows at me. “I think I’ve done it about a dozen times with Angela, really easy.” Fred and I both stared at George with our jaws on the floor. After realizing what he had said George turned red. “N-Not like that!” He said loudly. Fred and I looked at each other, we both had the same look on our face- disbelief. Soon enough the secret passageway was echoing with laughter. I had to grab Fred’s arm to balance myself, my own laughter causing my legs to feel like jelly and my stomach to cramp up. He was quick to support me by placing his arm around my waist and pulling me into him, my hands rested on his chest but I couldn’t think of it to be flustered. I was still struggling to breathe and stop laughing. 

“Really mate, did you have to bribe her?” Fred asked between chuckles. George didn’t respond; he just huffed angrily and leaned against the wall very over our antics. 

After grabbing some things I would need from my dorm I spent the night in Fred’s dorm. George told me he simply would not have me because I continued to giggle about the thought of him and Angela together while sneaking into the Gryffindor common room. I didn’t think much about it until George excused himself for bed, not before winking at me and making glances between me and Fred. My face turned red but Fred didn’t notice too busy focusing on finding a sweater to sleep in. He and I sat and talked for a while. 

“I can leave so you can change. You probably don’t want to sleep in your uniform.” He laughed while standing. I immediately facepalmed myself for forgetting to bring nightclothes. Fred noticed. “Of course you did.” He laughed seemingly being able to read my mind. 

“Shut up! You wouldn’t have thought to grab a new uniform if the roles were reversed and I got that!” I huffed, embarrassed. I stood too and shook off my robe. “My uniform isn’t too bad, I can just sleep in it.” Fred looked at me like I had grown a second head. “What!?” 

“You’re going to be uncomfortable!” He exclaimed. I rolled my eyes. “It’s not that bad Fred.” I smiled. 

He began to ruffle through his drawer and mutter to himself. Finally, after going through all of his drawers he handed me a pair of sweatpants that looked like they wouldn’t have fit Fred in years. His legs were far too long. Before I could say anything he was taking off his F sweater, as he did his shirt was pulled up and exposed his midriff. He handed me that too and I stared at the clothes instead of him, my cheeks burning. “I’ll be outside the door, let me know when you’re finished.” He stood there for a second longer, hesitating like there was something else he needed to say or do. But then he was out of the room without another word. 

I pulled my uniform off, actually excited to be out of it. I pulled the sweatpants on first, they pooled at my ankles and slid down my hips. I tied the strings tighter to fit my frame more comfortably before cuffing the bottom of the pants so I wouldn’t trip on them. Then I slid Fred’s sweater over my head. It smelled just like him which made me smile, the sleeves ended past my fingers, and the bottom of the sweater ended a little past my mid-thigh. I smiled to myself while I could, there was something so comforting about being in his clothes even when they were so oversized. 

I let him back into the room and he looked at me for a moment. Having his eyes rack over my body made me suddenly very self-conscious and I hung my head to hide my red cheeks. He quickly walked over to the bed and grabbed the sleeve that hung from my hand, pulling me with him. “You should read to me that muggle book you keep talking about.” He finally spoke. 

My cheeks burned red. “You remembered?” He hummed in response while moving his other arm under his head. He turned to look at me. “Did you bring it?” 

I scoffed. “You know I take it everywhere with me.” He grinned at me. “That I do, go get it.” 

I spent the next long while reading to him. He was quick to ask questions which I had to refrain from answering and spoiling the future chapters. When my speech began to slow he instructed me to move and give him the book. I laid my head on his chest and listened to it rumble as he spoke. He continued to read with a lot of enthusiasm. I don’t remember much but I do remember waking up in his arms the next day. 

“Y/N!” I snapped my head up, pushing the events of last year back to the depths of my mind. It didn’t mean anything. I had to remind myself. Fred was a touchy person, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had done that with many people, that being said I never asked. I knew that if my suspicions were true my heart would shatter that I wasn’t for a fact special to him. I didn’t want to ruin my memory of that night. It was something I thought back to quite a bit. 

“How many times are you gonna make us apologize for that?” I smiled smugly and rolled my eyes. 

“I didn’t ask you to apologize again, just not include me in pranks against my house.” I sighed. Fred had finally released his hold on my cardigan and pulled his head out. His long hair was a mess and some of it had fallen into his forehead. He looked up at me with a smile I couldn’t help but smile back. 

“That’s the great thing Y/N, the prank isn’t against your house technically speaking.” He shot me a wink that made me giggle. I brought up a hand and brushed his hair out of his face. “And how is that, technically speaking.” I made sure to draw out technically the same way that Fred did and I looked between the two brothers. They were looking between themselves almost as if they were speaking telepathically. 

“It’s on Snape,” George said smugly. “So technically not your house, just the head of the said house.” My eyes shot open and I jumped up knocking Fred off of me in the process. I could hear him whisper something but I was too caught up in the multiple thoughts running through my head. 

The boys looked at me expectantly, Fred rubbing the back of his head where it had made a harsh impact with my knee. 

“How can I help?” I grinned wildly, this was going to be my favorite prank yet. 

Chapter Two 

[isuckatreadinglol]

Six of Crows Review

Alright, first book review on this blog...here we go: *spoiler warning, duh*

Book: Six of Crows Author: Leigh Bardugo

My Rating: 5/5

First off, this is the first YA fantasy I've ever read so I have no idea what I was expecting...and I fuckin loved it.

Second, I binge read this book in three days and it usually takes me a month to read anything ever so that's definitely saying something. I came for Kaz Brekker after watching Shadow & Bone on Netflix and stayed for the amazing plot, diverse and intricate characters, the incredible action and twists, and of course Kaz Brekker. The one thing that I loved was how fast paced this book went, and I genuinely could not stray far from the book because of how addicting it was. There was something in every chapter and you never got bored. The last part had taken the most time for me to complete because of how much action Leigh crammed in the last 60 pages, which made it a bit hard to follow along but it was still epic.

The Characters:

Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Wylan, Nina, Matthias

"“What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?” “Knife to the throat?” asked Inej. “Gun to the back?” said Jesper. “Poison in his cup?” suggested Nina. “You’re all horrible,” said Matthias."

The most diverse set of characters I have ever met. There were 6 characters, and the POV's were constantly changing and at some point, while I read someone else's chapter I was worried about the other characters and anticipating the next chapters. This was honestly an amazing decision to tell this story and I never got sick of the characters (except maybe Matthias, sorry).

Not only does Leigh do an excellent job portraying trauma in her characters (especially Kaz), she also keeps the character's as diverse as possible, from Nina being a plus sized character with badass confidence to Wylan overcoming his dyslexia and even Inej being a brown character. Every character had their own stories and the flashbacks/backstories were always a pleasure to read through.

Kaz Brekker is a stone cold, morally grey, manipulative, and terrible criminal which of course...makes him an even better protagonist. He definitely rocks the Hot Boy Who Is Mean To Everyone Except That One Chick Because Of His Tragic Backstory trope.

"There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong, and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken."

He is an anti-hero with his own plans and goals, while also caring so much about his crew that he would do anything for them. I'm very excited to see his character develop with Inej in Crooked Kingdom as well as his relationship with her because I am too obsessed with the two of them. I also enjoyed how Leigh allowed Kaz to fuck up and make mistakes, showing that he wasn't just some perfect character that knew everything about everything, and reading his inner dialogue when he realized his fuck-ups felt refreshing. His backstory was very well written and very tragic (we get it he's emo). It felt so personal knowing why he was they way he was when he sealed himself off from the world. He's also drippy as fuck.

Inej Ghafa just radiates bad bitch energy and when Kaz called her "dangerous" I screamed "DAMN RIGHT". Her mental drive was beautifully written during her chapters, especially while she climbed the incinerator.

"The heat of the incinerator wrapped around Inej like a living thing, a desert dragon in his den, hiding from the ice, waiting for her. She knew her body's limits and knew she had no more to give. She'd made a bad wager. It was as simple as that. The autumn leaf might cling to its branch, but it was already dead. The only question was when it would fall...

Should she jump now or simply wait for her body to give?

Inej felt wetness on her cheeks. Was she crying? Now? After everything she'd done and had done to her?"

Most importantly, she was a raw character who pushed herself throughout the book not just for herself but for the rest of the crew. She was selfless but she was also incredibly strong, driven by her future. Inej is the most inspiring character in the book and I have fallen in love with her more times than I could count. (lowkey carried the team imma be honest)

JESPER FAHEY Y'ALL. My queer sharpshooter king. I think I related to him the most and I loved every chapter with him. Though, I felt like Jesper was treated more as a side character than a main one, especially since he was stuck with Wylan for the entirety of the heist but BOY WHEN I FOUND OUT HE WAS A FABRIKATOR...I might have also screamed. He was definitely the comedic relief and he always kept me laughing at his little comments. Excited to see him and Wylan get together and also hoping for more of Jesper's character.

"Well, we’ve managed to get ourselves locked into the most secure prison in the world. We’re either geniuses or the dumbest sons of bitches to ever breathe air."

“If any of you survive, make sure I have an open casket. The world deserves a few more moments with this face.”

Nina Zenik...bro. She is so powerful. The moment she took parem was *chefs kiss* and it was the most badass scene I had ever experienced. When I began reading her chapters I didn't really enjoy them but when the heist actually began her inner dialogue won me over completely. When she was with Jarl Brum I could not stop laughing at the things she was saying in her head, and even when things were intense she always had something to say which made her character come to life. Her personality is hilarious, and sarcastic and she's also so HOT like my gay ass was swooning. She is who I aspire to be, that is all.

Matthias Helvar. Personally, I didn't really like his character so much because of how stubborn and he was (and how many times I wanted to punch his stupid ass), however he was still a pretty cool character with some good moments in there. He demonstrated religious corruption well, and he definitely faced a lot of inner conflict due to the pressure of what he was taught when he was younger. His POVs were a little boring but I loved it when he called Kaz a demjin.

Wylan Van Eck was a super fun character to have around. I definitely enjoyed watching his character grow as he spent more time with the Dregs. I didn't love him as much as the big three (Kaz, Jesper, Inej) and don't have much to say on him except that I admired his strength throughout the last part, especially when confronting his father after hearing all the horrible things he said about his own son. Jesper defending him made me melt big time.

"He's smarter than most of us put together, and he deserves a better father than you."

I literally could not have asked for such a creative group of characters and to see them work together makes me feel like I'm part of a big, criminal family.

The Ships

The ships were a fun addition to the story and the best part was that they never overstepped the actual objective of the plot but rather worked with it to enhance the connections between each character.

Kaz and Inej: Let me just cry for a second.

"She'd laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and gotten drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him."

"I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all."

"I'm going to get my money, Kaz vowed. And I'm going to get my girl."

This one hurt me. I am in love with these two and their relationship with each other makes it so much better. They are not meant to be together yet they are connected in so many ways. I did not think I would fall in love so easy, but here I am.

Matthias and Nina: I was not convinced by these two, especially with how weird their relationship was. They constantly seemed like they hated each other (valid) and some of their romantic scenes felt forced. In the end, I enjoyed seeing Nina grow on Matthias to wake his stubborn ass up. I swear that man refused to have feelings. Anyway, I still have mixed feelings on these two.

Wylan and Jesper: They are so cute. Like insanely cute. Like even I was blushing during their cute scenes. Their relationship isn't as developed yet so I am excited to see them in Crooked Kingdom.

Final Thoughts:

Representation? Check

Map? Check

Two maps?!? Fuck yeah

Amazing plot and worldbuilding? Check

Hilarious banter? Mhm

Great writing? Check

Well- written characters? 100%

Overall, this story will forever be my comfort book and I was impressed by the YA fantasy side of literature. It's hard to believe yet comforting that these characters are my age, makes me feel powerful. I loved every bit of this book and now I kinda wanna grab some friends and pull a heist.