#Tho I myself struggle with fanfics

[nei-ning]

honest answer: do you make up some of your dreams?

Never. I never EVER have, or even will, make up my dreams. All of my dreams which I've written here and share with people are 100% pure and true. I have zero reasons or intrest to make them up. I appreciate and value honesty from myself and from others, always, no matter what.

To be honest, dear anon, before you asked me this I've never even THINK of this topic! :'D

[stormingfrost]

I added two more!

Jack’s sister

Spirit of the woods

Happy Holidays! I made playlists for RotG characters (even minor characters from the books)

Jack

Bunny

Pitch

Sandy

North

Tooth

MiM

Kathrine

Nightlight

Emily Jane

Ombric

Kozmotis Pitchiner

Lady Pitchiner

Shadowbent

Lermantoff

[quixoticprince]

Yayyy!! Yippee!! I finally get to make one of these!! Art without the text under the cut and some long-winded elaborations:

How long I've been playing: well, it hasn't been a straight 11 years, rather off and on - but I have drawings of these guys dating back to when I was 14, so I'll give it to me. And man I had no business reading the fanfics I was reading back then It's also crazy how this was a super influential media for me in so many ways. It's the reason I ever made a tumblr, it changed the direction of my drawings for a long while, my broken sense of humor (gmod animation memes and yt poops were the brainrot back then), tf2 Sniper changed my god damned gender (rather, it was the inspiration for me to start socially transitioning at 15). This is part of my personal lore that I tend to not admit to 😓

Your main: I've always been completely ass at the game, and I can play flexibly, but I enjoy playing Sniper, and more recently as Heavy. Whenever I'm sitting around somewhere, occasionally throwing sandwiches and attracting Medics, I feel like this:

Favorite character: When I was younger it was definitely Medic, and I think you can tell that he's still up there based on how much I've drawn him! However, since getting back into it, I've felt quite a shift in focus towards Heavy, very strongly. It's unfortunate that he's side-lined in a lot of fanwork, and I think I'm also complicit in this so far - but for me it's cuz, how tf2 works is that it's going to prioritize humor over character and consistency haha, and Medic is just so loud and insane that he's really easy to make fun stuff with. Heavy is a more serious and grounded character, not to say that he's not funny or that he doesn't have his own cartoon slapstick moments! But that aspect of him is what is really really intriguing to me. I love his quiet, stoic, and intimidating character, I like how loud and boisterous he is when filled with bloodlust in contrast! I love his bird story and him getting into wrestling as a child from Poker Night. I love his back story setting, there's so much to extrapolate from a young boy in Russia growing up during WWII, what his parents must have been through before that from the aftermaths of the revolution, all the way to his fathers execution and his imprisonment. I love his strong relationship with his family, his role as an older brother, as a protector, as a man - the way that he performs these roles - and because I personally see him as bisexual - how his orientation intersects with all that! He is incredibly fascinating to me and I wish that he was played around with more to see a lot more corners and angles of these things that I listed! There's way more that I want to say here too but this is getting very long 😅

Character I relate to: It's so interesting that a lot of the characters have very strong, tho maybe dysfunctional, families. Heavy, Demo, and Sniper in particular really speak to me in that relation. From Heavy being an eldest brother (I am also an eldest sibling) the parentification that comes with that, especially with him probably being like 10 years older than his sisters from the looks of it. Demo and Sniper both struggle living up to their parents expectations (although there's a lot of love there from everyone), being disappointments in one way or another (not gonna deep dive into that lol), and the general alienation both of them feel. From Sniper not knowing why he's not like other Australians to Demo being "a black Scottish cyclops." And well, I'm Filipino, I'm queer, and mentally ill so - there's a lot to project there!

Class you want to play as: I find Medic incredibly stressful to play as but I find the idea of battle medics incredibly funny. However I usually find myself rushing around madly trying to cater to everyone, and I'd like to just not give a shit and just start stabbing people with a saw lol

Favorite ship: "I just like the dynamic" - The dynamic:

No but fr, they're really compelling to me, I'd probably need a longer more thought out post as to what I like about them and I was already going crazy up there ^ Overall tho I like that they're practically built for each other in terms of mechanics, really plays into my desire to spiral into intense codependency haha. I also think that Medic's drive to cheat death and hide behind meat shields plays really well into Heavy's desire to be a meat shield and a protector, and how nice it is in turn, that Medic can grant this man who's been around death, starvation, and war invulnerability. (He outsmart boolet, yknow?) They're also depicted together a lot and I like how much they enjoy each others company, and bring a lot of joy to each other. It's beautiful to me :'^)

Character you like to draw: What can I say! Medic is handsome! He is very fun to draw and easy to make memes and shit posts out of!

[hotchs-big-hands]

What did you call me?

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|4.9k words

Aaron Hotchner x plus size fem!reader

NSFW Minors dni please

Warning(s): some angst, yearning, details about graphic crime scenes, strip clubs/sex clubs.

When Dom/sub couples begin to show up murdered mid-coital, the BAU team is brought in to solve the case. But as more couples are found and the unsub remains undetected, it becomes an undercover mission. The posing Dom/sub couple in question? Your intimidating, attractive boss and you.

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Hey everyone, welcome to my first fanfic! I used to write and post stuff back in 2018ish but it was a different fandom. I've not written and posted anything tho since then so I'm a bit nervous! But idk I just got back into cm recently and I saw Hotch and my brain was like oh yeah 👁️👁️ (I used to be a Spencer girlie) and I've mostly written stuff for myself but I decided imma start doing stuff on here too! I hope you enjoy and lemme know if you wanna be tagged in future writings 🥰 side note, I'm a fat gal so I will probably centre most of my stuff around plus size readers cuz there's not enough of it for plus size Hotch girlies 😔 but technically anyone can read and enjoy it! This was getting extremely long so I'm splitting it into three parts so here's the first one! Anyway, enjoy 💅

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The feeling of something blunt lightly bounced against your forehead, making you blink a few times and rub the area with your hand.

"Hey... Who did that?" You grumbled, eyes darting from one face of your coworkers to the next. Three of them all pointed towards the culprit and as your eyes drifted back to him you were met with a cheeky grin on the charming, dark-skinned man's face.

"You were spaced out, sugar." Derek Morgan said. "Got a lot on your mind?"

"Got a lot of him on her mind, more like." A voice cut in smugly, flustering you in an instant, your heart beginning to race. Your eyes flicked to Prentiss, the pristine raven haired woman was smirking at you, her eyes glinting. You squeaked and shifted in your office chair nervously.

"No, Em! Just... couldn't sleep last night."

The weak explanation didn't help, it only widened the smirk on Prentiss' face as she leaned forward.

"Oh? Do tell us more."

"There's nothing to say!" You abruptly turned to the casefile that lay open on your slightly messy desk and tried to ignore the movement at the corner of your eye; Emily was shuffling her chair over to you, no doubt still with that annoying smirk on her face.

"Oh it sure sounds like there is though."

Before you had the chance to defend yourself an all too familiar voice demanded everyone's attention and subsequently caused a shiver to trickle down your spine. Your hands gripped onto your chair.

"My team; in the conference room now. We have a case." Your unit chief spoke. All heads turned to the direction of a slightly elevated walkway where a sharply dressed man stood for a mere moment, locking eyes with yours, before he began walking briskly towards the mentioned conference room.

Fuck. Hotch was wearing your favourite suit and tie today and a few stray wisps of his short, dark hair stubbornly lay over his forehead, no matter how often he must have tried to push them up off his face. Everyday was harder than the previous working with that man. The moment you'd attended your interview months ago, sitting in front of the brooding man, you knew you were fucked. Yes, you had been eager to join the famed BAU unit and were grateful for the opportunity that arose but you'd be lying if another reason you eagerly answered all the questions prompted to you in that interview wasn't because you were instantly attracted to Aaron Hotchner. However, that was almost a year ago now and you were struggling with your growing attraction to the man the more you were around him. Your coworkers and friends certainly were no help, given they'd soon caught onto your crush.

A hand waved in front of your face and you blinked.

"Time to go, lovergirl." Prentiss teased and you sighed, quickly joining the others as they made their way to the case briefing. You needed to focus.

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Landing in Chicago a few hours later, the team were thrust into a gnarly investigation involving couples being murdered in their hotel rooms mid-coital. The crime scene photos were hard to look at, to say the least. Setting up a base of operations in the police department didn't take too long and currently you were in the midst of interviewing family members of the deceased along with Hotch at his insistence. It wasn't often that you took part in these interviews, even less often did Hotch ever team you up with him. Quite frankly, it made you feel a little nervous, but there was no way you'd question his decision. And certainly, you did not miss the subtle smug look Emily gave you as you trailed after the man you thought about way too much.

Sitting beside him in the SUV, just the two of you alone made your head feel a little bit floaty as you tried your best to remain as stoic as possible, reminding yourself of the details of the case so far and of the little bits of information from the families you'd spoken to. Even with the effort there was no preventing the permeating scent of his cologne and a hint of his own natural musk from scrambling your brain. He smelled good, too good, and the way his hands gripped the steering wheel from the quick glances you dared peek developed a heat to coil within the depths of your lower abdomen.

"Are you alright?" His voice brought you out of your thoughts. You felt flushed.

"H-huh?" You felt dumbstruck, all because of him. He exhaled through his nose sharply, clearly dissatisfied with your response.

"You're distracted."

Oh. Of course he could pick up on it. You shifted in your seat, subtly rubbing your plump thighs together.

"I'm okay, I guess I've not had enough to drink today though. I'll get some water when we head back to the station." Not a lie, technically. You'd forgotten your bottle of water you normally had ready to fill up to take on cases. Hotch hummed, the sound deep and making you clench between your thighs.

"I did notice you didn't have your water like you usually do. I should have said something." He said. Wait, he noticed? You didn't think he picked up on things about you, he didn't often appear to pay attention to you besides on a strictly professional level. But as you turned your head to him in surprise his brows were furrowed in frustration, as though annoyed with himself for not saying anything.

"Oh no, it's fine. I've been a bit of a scatterbrain as of late." You admitted sheepishly, a little smile on your lips. Hotch glanced at you, eyes flicking down to your lips, then back to your eyes, making your breath hitch.

"Anything I can do to help?"

You bit your lip, your mind flooded with a whole array of thoughts that you knew you shouldn't be having about your boss. He didn't know he was the reason you were so distracted, desperate to feel his lips on yours, on your body and his hands on your skin, his fingers inside you. Fuck. You needed to get it together, for goodness' sake. You quickly glanced back towards the road.

"Ah, no. I'm okay, sir. I'll sort myself out." You murmured, missing the way his knuckles whitened under the pressure of his grip on the wheel.

"Don't hesitate to come to me if you need anything."

You tried not to think of what you wanted him to do to you, instead humming in response.

"Thank you, sir."

You needed to get out of this damn car as soon as possible.

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Immediately upon returning to the station you rushed off to find a vending machine so you could grab a bottle of water. As soon as you had your hands on the cold, plastic bottle you were gulping down the cool liquid, not realising just how flushed you felt.

"Whoa, slow down there, (L/n)!" You heard JJ's voice from behind you and you turned, pulling the bottle from your mouth wide-eyed. The blonde woman looked slightly alarmed. "Are you okay?"

You nodded.

"Yeah, yeah. I just forgot to bring water so I kinda got a bit dehydrated I think." You explain quickly. JJ frowned a little.

"You'd better be careful next time. And don't drink too quickly, you could accidentally choke."

You smiled sheepishly under her scolding and screwed the lid back on.

"Sorry, I'll drink slower."

JJ led you back to the office where you found the familiar sight of Spencer pouring over a map of the area. Pieces of string had been wrapped around pins indicating the last locations victims were seen and the scenes of their murders, no clear pattern in sight as there sometimes was. On one of the tables lay several empty paper coffee cups, a few rings of spilled coffee staining the surface top. He was speaking quietly to another member of the team, David Rossi, and Hotch; of whom stood beside the young Doctor with his arms folded across his chest, inevitably tightening the suit over his physique. You forced yourself to focus on the map.

Not long after your arrival you heard two sets of footsteps trudge into the room.

"No employees or frequent customers that are of note. We have nothing." Derek huffed as he made his way over to one of the chairs and slumped down into it. Emily joined you and JJ, her face appeared neutral but you could tell there was a hint of annoyance behind it. You heaved a deep sigh and felt eyes on you which made you instinctively seek out who it was, only to be startled when your eyes met deep brown ones, almost black in the artificial lighting. Hotch didn't look away, instead holding your gaze until you quickly turned away, feeling embarrassed.

"There has to be something that connects them all." Rossi said. Your eyes drifted across the map, narrowing a little. There had to be a mutual place that all these couples had been to in the final week leading up to their deaths. Somewhere that couples who enjoy sexual relations more than the average couple would go. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and quickly scrolled through your contacts until you found the one you were looking for. As you pressed dial you put the call on loudspeaker it merely rang once before there was an answer.

"Hello, you've reached the hotline for the simply fantabulous Penelope Garcia; how may I assist you?" A bubbly voice filtered through. All eyes were on the phone as you placed it on the table in front of you.

"Hiya, babe, I have a request for you. We're trying to find a link between the couples but so far nothing has cropped up. But I have a theory," you spoke, feeling a little awkward at what you were about to say. "Uhm, do you think you could try search for any strip clubs or even straight up sex clubs in the area? Easily accessible or possibly a more hidden club?"

You could feel his eyes on you again but you tried hard to stare at the phone. Garcia gasped from the other end of the line, but the sound of nails on a keyboard reassured you she was already on the case. Beside you, you felt Emily poke you and you lightly shoved her with your wide hip.

"Oh wow, I did not think I would be looking at this sort of thing today. But lucky you, I have a whole list of places! I-" there was clicking, followed by another gasp. "Oh my! That is certainly a homepage! You have no idea about the things I'm seeing right now, well, I mean I'll be sending these to you anyway but gosh! I'm going to do a thorough clean of my history once this case-"

"-Garcia, focus." Hotch said firmly and you heard a quick apology from the other end of the line. He moved to lean over the table, propping himself up with his hands as he took charge of the phone call. "We need security footage from these locations. Whatever you can give us, we'll take it."

More clacking of nails, you tried not to stare at your boss as he leered over your phone, forcing yourself to look away from his straining suit, the dangling tie, his large hands. Horrifically, you instead met eyes with the oldest of the group, Rossi, who had clearly caught you ogling Hotch from the glint in his experienced eyes and the twitch at the corner of his mouth. Shit. You could only hope no one else had witnessed your blatancy. Thankfully, Garcia's voice came through again.

"I'm sending over whatever footage I can find as well as the addresses to the establishments now."

You reached across the table, hyper aware of how close you were to Hotch as you took hold of your phone. He studied you carefully when you hurried backwards, swallowing thickly. You cleared your throat.

"Thanks, babe, you're a star." You said.

"Well of course, I'm your star." Garcia responded cheerily and the line went dead. Hotch straightened up and pulled his suit back into place, turning to address everyone.

"We need to review the footage and find out which location all the victims visited at some point within the last few weeks, then we can make a plan of action." He was stern as he spoke, hands in his pockets and his shoulders squared. There was a mutual noise of agreement from everyone and you all split into smaller groups around the monitors in the room. Hotch disappeared off to find the chief of police and you couldn't help but let your eyes follow him as he rushed out of the room, eyes transfixed on the tight fabric of his dress pants.

"Girl, you aren't even hiding it." You heard Derek say and you huffed, walking over to Spencer and sitting down next to him. He offered you an awkward smile and shuffled his chair to the side so you could get closer to the computer he was working on.

"Shut up, Derek." You muttered and he chuckled.

"I'm just saying, you should probably talk to him."

Your eyes widened in horror.

"Excuse me?"

Spencer cleared his throat.

"I agree, It's a bit obvious that he's interested in you too." He said softly and you huffed, shuffling your chair closer to the table and leaning towards the computer screen.

"Stop saying ridiculous things like that, both of you. We have work to do anyway."

Derek stepped back with his hands raised in surrender before retreating back to the computer he was situated at whilst Spencer simply watched you carefully, frowning a little.

It was dangerous for you to even dare think of such things. There were so many reasons why you couldn't let your mind go there. If not for the ethical reason due to his and your job statuses, then maybe because he was much older than you with a son. But also you'd seen photos of his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend and you certainly didn't look like his type. Not slender, not sleek like they were. You didn't think he was a shallow man but you'd also dealt with disappointment after disappointment with how others had treated you based on your appearance. You had to keep yourself safe, so your attraction for your boss would remain nothing more than a secret from him. You sighed softly as the young man beside you clicked on the first video footage from one of the private sex clubs. There was no more time to waste.

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The following few hours were downright miserable, viewing video, after video of footage from various clubs until you felt as though your eyes and your brain would melt out of your head. Finally, however, Emily made a noise of alarm, mouth full of cheap coffee, and alerted everyone to her computer. Swallowing the burning, bitter liquid, she retracted the footage a little and replayed it.

"Look, It's the Smiths! The first couple to be murdered. They came in to this very exclusive private sex club at the end of last month." She said hurriedly. In the slightly fuzzy camera quality indeed the couple waltzed into the lobby of the facility and approached the reception desk.

"Fast forward the feed." You heard Hotch say, causing goosebumps to bristle across your skin. You knew he had returned at some point but didn't expect him to stand right beside you. Someone made a call to Garcia and she confirmed with her database that it was indeed the couple. Further analysis of the footage from days afterwards showed that every single of the other couples had also been to this sex club too shortly before they were murdered. And yet they had no indication still of who was the murderer.

The day was drawing in at this point but as a final task before anyone would return to the hotel, Hotch sent out Morgan and Prentiss to the club to ask some questions, something that you couldn't help but chuckle at. The raven haired woman narrowed her eyes slightly at you.

"Laugh all you want but I'd be careful if I were you." She warned but you simply smirked.

"Don't have too much fun now, you two." You said cheerily, Morgan raised a brow at you and then the two were off begrudgingly. You felt JJ sidle up beside you.

"You know she will get you back." She murmured and you shrugged.

"She doesn't scare me."

"She scares me a little." Spencer said aloud, causing the two of you to turn your heads in his direction. He flushed, ducking his head slightly. "I- uh, well you know how she is."

"I wouldn't think you were intimidated by her, Spence, I mean you're the one who won the prank war with Morgan." JJ said, chuckling. A small smile tugged at his mouth.

"I wouldn't cross Emily, though."

You hummed and pushed up out of your chair.

"Well anyway, either of you want a hot drink?" You offered. JJ smiled.

"Oh no, thank you." As Spencer opened his mouth to respond she lifted a finger up at him. "Ah- you definitely don't need anymore coffee at this time of day."

A quiet giggle passed your lips and you turned to head to the kitchenette of the station.

"I'm not getting involved."

Walking out of the office you crossed the police department, avoiding any officers who still remained within the building, and came to a pause in the entryway of the kitchen, dipping away from the doorway out of sight. The two oldest members of the team were in a deep conversation, Hotch with his back to the door and Rossi facing the direction you were in. They spoke quietly, you knew you shouldn't listen in and yet you couldn't help it.

"Stop being absurd. What makes you think I'd even consider doing that?" Hotch hissed, his voice barely audible from where you were.

"Come on, Aaron, you can't keep this going forever. You know that." Rossi countered. There were more words said but were too quiet for you to decipher. That was until Hotch spoke a little louder again, sounding more frustrated.

"I am not currently wishing to be involved with anyone like that, Dave. I just can't."

In an instant you felt your heart in your throat, your eyes stinging.

Oh.

You felt stupid. Of course he wasn't interested in dating anyone. Even despite closely guarding your feelings for Hotch to be nothing further than a personal crush that he would never find out about it still hurt knowing you never had a chance to begin with.

Walking a few steps away from the kitchen, you made a point of entering the kitchen area, feigning surprise as your eyes landed on the two men in the room. Clearly, your entrance startled them, particularly him, who looked a little guilty before the slight expression glossed over with stern stoicism. Hotch glanced away, turning to Rossi.

"I'll see you at the hotel." He muttered and then he was brushing past you, his hand grazing your arm slightly and his scent consuming your senses. And then he was gone, all that remained was the slight coolness of his absence. You swallowed thickly but tried to mask your emotions from the seasoned agent still remaining.

"Coffee? There's some left still, maybe enough for one last cup." Rossi said softly. You smiled slightly as you approached him but shook your head.

"Ah no, thank you. I'm going to have tea. It's way too late for coffee, don't you think?"

The man hummed, watching you carefully. You suspected he had seen you earlier, that you'd heard the conversation but you didn't feel like talking about it.

"I hope you know that if you ever need someone to lend an ear that I'm always willing to listen."

Your hands faltered slightly during sorting out putting a tea bag in a clean mug. Your eyes flicked to the side at Rossi briefly.

"I know that."

"I know you heard what you think you heard but-"

"-Let's not- We aren't talking about this." You cut him off shakily, stopping yourself before you poured the hot water into the mug. "There's nothing to say about it."

You turned away from the kitchen counter to lean against it, rubbing your tired eyes with your palms. Rossi sighed quietly.

"You didn't catch the whole conversation." He tried after a moment. You scoffed.

"It wasn't for me to hear. I only did so by accident. I'm not going to read into it because the only people who were meant to hear what was discussed was you and-" Your throat felt tighter still, an unseen coil constricting you, just as the man you longed for constricted your heart and soul. You didn't say his name, couldn't. Mercifully, the man before you understood.

"I know."

You nodded. The mug of tea wasn't appealing anymore; the quiet promise of solitude in a hotel room called to you more than all else.

"I.... I think I need to call it a night. I don't feel well."

Rossi placed a hand on your upper arm and squeezed lightly.

"I'll inform the others and grab your stuff then I'll drive you to the hotel we're staying in," he fished out the keys to one of the SUVs and handed them to you, the metal clinking together. "Go, wait in the car for me." He said. The corners of your mouth tilted upwards in appreciation and you hurried out, eager to have even a moment to yourself.

The moment you pushed the doors of the building open and stepped outside you exhaled, grimacing slightly at the still, warm air of the night. You'd hoped it would have cooled down more, now that the sun had long since settled behind the horizon, but you felt stifled, the heat doing nothing to soothe the tightness in your throat and chest. Breathing shakily, you unlocked the car and climbed into the passenger seat, laying your head back against the head rest.

There was no reason for you to feel so upset about this. It wasn't as though you intended on ever approaching your boss about your ever growing feelings for him, you wouldn't dare do that. And yet you felt almost physically sick from heartbreak and the worst part was he didn't even know the pain you were in. Hell, you didn't even know where he was right now after he rushed out of the kitchen.

You knew the moment Rossi obviously had retrieved your belongings judging the way your phone had begun to vibrate from text notifications, no doubt from your coworkers. You'd answer them when you made it to the hotel, you decided. A few minutes later you spotted the older man exit the station and approach the car you were in, your bag and coat in hand. The sight made you smile even the tiniest bit, something that he noticed. You felt the car jolt a little as he opened the trunk so he could put your belongings down and jolt again when he slammed it lightly. A second later he was climbing in on the driver's side where you held out the car keys to him.

"Thanks." He took the keys and inserted them into the ignition, the engine roaring to life and you slipped your seatbelt on. Rossi glanced at you. "Let's get you to the hotel. Best thing about this is if there aren't enough rooms for one each you can have first pick on if you want the single or not." He said as you pulled out the station parking lot. You scoffed.

"Oh you know I'm absolutely taking the single this time." You retorted. In any other scenario you would have risked sharing a room, risk being paired with him. Now the thought made you want to cry. Your little smile faded and you turned your head to the window, resting on the cool glass. Sensing you were finished talking, Rossi didn't say anything else for the remainder of the drive.

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A little groan escaped your lips when you collapsed backwards on the single bed in your hotel room, exhaustion overrunning your very being from the long day. For a moment you simply lay there silently, staring at the dulled white ceiling whilst your mind raced. You knew this wasn't ideal, you couldn't let yourself be distracted from the case.

Huffing, you remembered that you needed to respond to messages to let the others know you would be alright by the morning. After pulling your phone out of your pocket, the screen lit up and your eyes flicked across the notifications on the lock screen. Lots of messages from your worried coworkers. You unlocked the phone and set about answering them one-by-one. JJ and Emily offered to stop by your hotel room to check in on you, not knowing you'd been feeling unwell up until this point, but you reassured them you would be okay.

Just as you finished your nightly routine and pulled the covers back, there was a knock on your door. Your brows furrowed slightly. Who would be knocking at this time? Sighing, you approached the door and leaned close to the peephole, expecting to see one of the ladies or maybe even Rossi.

Standing tensely with his shoulders squared was Aaron Hotchner. A quiet gasp escaped you and you jolted backwards from the door. What the fuck was he doing here?! With shaky hands, you pulled the door open and slightly covered yourself with it, hyper aware of your clothing situation. Hotch perked up and stared down at you.

"Rossi informed me that you weren't feeling well and had to retire early." He murmured gently, his face stern. You swallowed and silently invited him into your room by stepping back, pulling the door with you. He cautiously walked into your hotel room and you closed the door behind him, wrapping your arms around yourself in a feeble attempt to cover your body up. Why, oh why did you have to wear shorts that barely covered your ass and an old tee that wasn't as baggy anymore from being washed one too many times?

You cleared your throat and avoided looking in Hotch's direction.

"He's right. But I'm sure I'll feel better by tomorrow though."

You offered a little smile, eyes flicking to his face and realised he was staring. Except he wasn't staring at your face, no, his eyes were focused lower down at your chest. Christ. You quickly looked away again before he realised you'd caught him out and he hummed, the sound making you clench.

"What's wrong?"

Oh no. You couldn't answer that. Your eyes met his and you opened your mouth, hesitating with no response to give.

"I.... Just felt sick, that's all. I'll be okay though."

You never were good at hiding how you were really feeling, the deepening frown on the man's face before you merely evident of this.

"Are you certain? You can tell me anything, you know that." He said softly as he stepped closer to you. You nodded and tried smiling again at him.

"I know, sir. I promise I'm alright though." You tightened your arms around yourself until your flesh dipped under the pressure of your fingertips. Hotch's eyes trailed over you from head to toe, clearly unsatisfied with your reluctance to tell him the truth, but didn't push the matter further. You inhaled as he stepped closer still, his scent once more overwhelming you. His fingers flexed at his side as though he was conflicted and you wished he would reach out and touch you. Eventually, he sighed quietly and retreated a step.

"Alright. But I will be keeping an eye on you now."

Not good. You nodded though, then yawned and your cheeks flushed with warmth. Despite the tension, a small smile tugged at Hotch's mouth.

"You should get some rest." He said. You chuckled.

"Yeah, you as well though. I know what you're like."

He raised a brow at you.

"Really now?"

Your eyes widened and you stuttered.

"W-well I'm just saying, you do leave the office last, you're up earlier than everyone else too-" you cut yourself off, not wanting to dig your hole any deeper. You dared a quick glance his way and he was still slightly smirking.

"Get some rest, your boss is going to be up early again tomorrow to call everyone in."

A little chuckle escaped you and you followed Hotch to the door, grabbing the door as he opened it and hiding behind it again as you watched him make his way out into the corridor. He turned back to you and gazed down at you again.

"Good night, (L/n)." He murmured. Your eyes met and you gripped onto the door.

"Good night, sir."

He shifted, as though debating something in his head, then he turned and stalked down the corridor. You didn't close your door until he disappeared from sight. When you returned to your bed you collapsed down onto it whilst your mind raced. That night your dreams were filled with forbidden touches and kisses from the man you loved.

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

And that's part one for now pls lemme know what you think and if anyone wants to be tagged in future works! Thank you for reading 💖💖

[undershyperfixate]

Ranting about Ashlyn and Aiden ( concerning Red story)

( this is spoiler free, I will only discuss things that happened until ep 72)

Edit : This was sitting in my draft for so long omg

( One of those rant is inspired by a convo I had with Moon)

(edit: I've just realized while editing this that your surname is biin and not moon I apologize)

SO, sure there's an sbg hiatus, but that doesn't stop me from nourishing myself with any content there is 🫡

What content do we have here?

I've thought about that so many times while reading fanfics about sbg, especially because there's a lot of alternative universes fanfics and I would ask myself "would they even be friends without those events?"

And now we have our answer; no.

But what's interesting then is that Ashlyn would only get close with Aiden in universes where an event would force a proximity. More defined by an event where they would be forced to interact and understand each other to survive the event, without this event, their relationship wouldn't exist. Which is understandable since as shown in the webtoon, before the dimension; she avoids him, she distanced herself, and she would have continued to do that.

But most of all, I want to talk about the last sentence. ( I'm extremely bad with context clues so I'm not sure if the last sentence "they've grown closer and find comfort in understanding one another" is about the whole group or just Ash and Aiden, but let's act as if it was about Ash and Aiden).

Them both being neurodivergent ( Canon-wise, Ash is autistic and Aiden has ADHD) adds a lot to their understanding of each other and how they can find comfort in being together ( platonic or romantic).

I'm going to use one of some scenes to explain my thesis

My favorite, scene, of all time. I love everything about that I'm going to explode.

Okay anyway, here we can see that Aiden noticed Ashlyn depressed state fastly, without even needing words, he knows about her boundaries so he just caress their knuckles together ( that sounds so medical) as a way to comfort her without making her uncomfortable. He understands her needs and boundaries and wants to still be able to be there for her and make her feel better in his own way so he does it in the most thoughtful way

The way he's shocked at the contact and can't handle seeing her cry omg :( the way he wraps his hand around her in a comforting manner, like he just knows what to do when it's needed, without overstepping her boundaries in any way.

And now later on,

Aiden was the first one to see that ash felt distressed about driving again, ( due to her feeling guilty when Tyler fell and that she wasn't able to go back). He proposes to drive even tho has zero experience in driving ( he probably wanted to try for some thrills too) but also because he understood how uneasy it was for her, same as when they were in the hospital.

And now for the main scene that inspired me to write this

He's staying beside her when he's running and immediately grabs her arm when she stumbles because of the sudden loud noises. He sat beside her and put his hands on the headphones to help her muffle the sounds even more. That's such a genuinely adorable way of showing that you care by doing an act of service, but also them being both written as neurodivergent makes me think that they understand each other in a relatable way, in a "helping one another accommodate to their struggles" kinda way. The same way as Ash is said to be unconsciously more protective of Aiden because he's more hyperactive and takes more risks.

Everything about this rant can be taken as both platonic or romantic, as I tried to stay on red's words to describe their dynamic. ( Did I already say that? I get distracted easily)

I've finished my little rant, thanks for reading

[bbonnetss]

Itafushi cuz I can.

I've found a bit of comfort in reading fanfics of these two. Though some leave me more heartbroken than I already am lol.

I wanna think that, when the world turned to be a fire dumpster they found comfort in knowing they had each other.

I wish I had a more appealing artstyle.

Some personal stuff below

Uh, my ex blocked me without explanation, even tho I thought we were on good terms and that has been eating me up. I trusted her, ya'know?

It's not really something to get upset about, but I'm really trying to keep her in a good image for myself and I'm struggling with that.

I also need to get a new job. not really something I'm struggling with per see but, IDK, I'm unmotivated I guess.

That's it tho.

[flibo23]

Now that I've finished the manga, I thought I could dedicate myself to some ships as usual, to have something lighter to focus on in Dungeon Meshi, and god I want to get into Marcille and Falin because I never focus much on yuri but of course, Labru exists. And I'm so delighted so many people ship them because I've already found so many gorgeous fanarts, I could browse them all day; on the fanfiction side, I need to explore more but it's been a while since I've read fanfics like, in general so

I can't help but notice a lot of stuff is from Kabru's point of view because obviously seeing him wanting to talk with Laios in canon, flipping back and forth between trusting him and wanting to kill him etc is endlessly entertaining, and then we could have a lot of great post canon content

But I get a bit stuck on Laios, like I'm missing something. I ship them anyway but I wish the manga would have elaborated a bit on his side of things, we don't even see if they really go to that restaurant together in the end. I mean, what does Laios see in Kabru? I can see Kabru chasing him down the dungeon left a huge impression on him, because he always struggled with friendships, but I fear this isn't enough of a spark for me in the long run and I will fall into the trap of unrequited love and all that angst (I love it tho lol). I could talk for days about what Laios represents for Kabru but not really the opposite, does this make sense

I would have wanted more from his side

[protemporescitor]

"But she ded tho" (a.k.a. the dumbest argument against Clerith) - A rant

To expand on my previous post, in which I posited the crazy, far-fetched theory that in a fantasy setting mayhap death is not the relationship brick wall that it would be in a more grounded, realistic one*, I just want to bring up a few points to further buttress this off-the-wall notion.

"Cloud can't be with Aerith. She's dead!"

We've all heard it a thousand times. It is the argument most commonly levelled against Clerith. It is also the worst (and laziest) one.

It's often delivered in a declamatory and glib fashion, as though it were some sort of obvious conversation ender. Q.E.D. End of debate. The ultimate gotcha. "Checkmate, Clerith fans!" the haters think to themselves, chortling and patting themselves on their backs for this profound insight. (Insert tasteless and juvenile comments about Aerith being "shish kebab-ed" by Sephiroth as desired.)

And all I can think is "That's it? That's your best argument? That's some weak tea, man."

Despite its myriad flaws, this idea continues to radiate throughout the fandom a good quarter century after the original title's release, as though it had never once been challenged. It is a feeble and untenable position, a house built on sand, and one that deserves to be thoroughly demolished. With Rebirth on the horizon, and all the shipping wars nonsense rising from the grave once more as a result, it is high time, if you'll forgive the expression, that we laid this cliché to rest once and for all.

(*Note: Even in a more "realistic" setting lacking any kind of fictional afterlife, this would still be a gross oversimplification of the story's themes of loss, regret, and yearning, as well as entirely ignoring the idea of love transcending death, but we'll set those concerns aside for the time being.)

Lastly, before we begin: This is not an anti-Zerith / CloTi screed. Those pairings both have an undeniable canonical basis. My aim here is simply to demonstrate that the notion that Cloud and Aerith are forever separated by death is rendered invalid by virtue of the type of setting that their story takes place in. (Something that, frankly, one would reasonably assume to be perfectly obvious. Alas, such is not the case. And so I find myself yet again pointing out the glaringly obvious.)

Now, without further ado, let's begin:

Part 1. Before (the Compilation) Crisis

In the beginning, there was the year 1997, and Squaresoft had just released their latest title. And lo, it was good. We spent days and weeks following our favorite polygon people around their embattled little globe. We fought, laughed, cried, and struggled up until the Meteor Crisis reached its crescendo, and the credits rolled. Gosh, what an ending! But what did it all mean? How did things REALLY turn out? Did we get a happy ending at all?

According to some, Cloud lived happily ever after with his childhood sweetheart, Tifa. According to others, he continued to roam the earth in search of his Promised Land to be reunited with his tragic lost love, Aerith. Yuffie swiped everyone's materia (again). Cid finally went to the moon. Red XIII opened a haberdashery in Costa del Sol, or something. No-one really knows for sure.

And so, the fandom began to spread to every corner of the internet in search of answers. Thus began the age of dissension. Opinions clashed across fanzines, blogs, and fanfic country alike. Wild fan theories abounded pertaining to special codes, methods, and blood rituals capable of bringing back our erstwhile flower girl. The fan-made media bubble surrounding the game turned into a lawless land of misinformation and vicious disagreement. None were spared.

A brief digression on why said rumours persisted for as long as they did (CAUTION: Massive spoilers for Chrono Trigger).

One side proposed a simple solution. A way to cut the proverbial Gordian Knot of our fandom. It was quite obvious, really. Just staring everyone in the face. The flower girl was dead, and that was that. Thus, there was only one possible conclusion to our narrative. Cloud's feelings on the matter were, of course, irrelevant. With Aerith out of the picture, the only logical choice left to him was to settle down with Tifa, and that was that. Never mind the themes of doomed, tragic love and the possibility, strongly hinted at throughout the game and outright confirmed during its ending, of existence after death.

Overall, direct evidence for said afterlife was scant, but not entirely absent from the story. As an example, at one point during her childhood, Aerith speaks to Elmyra, trying to comfort her, saying that the spirit of her husband wanted to come visit her, confirming that an afterlife presence did indeed exist. But for some, this simply wasn't evidence enough. And so the war raged on. Which brings us to…

Part 2. Advent Children: The smoking gun

Remember back when a certain portion of the fan base insisted that Gaia erased all the humans at the end of the story, on the flimsy basis that we don't see any during the game's brief post-credit scene? Well, that little theory was neatly undone by subsequent releases in the Compilation, showing regular ol' humans still roaming around Gaia in all their everyday human-ness. Hence, it is rarely brought up these days. Would that the pernicious notion of "but she ded tho" could follow in its footsteps, given that the same film roundly contradicts it in every way possible.

For starters, the film inexplicably bring two characters, Rufus and Tseng, hitherto assumed to be dead, back to life, probably in an effort by Square to shoehorn as many recognizable members of the cast into their animated feature as they could. But that's not all. Next we have three characters that everyone agreed were deader than doornails ALSO making appearances, first in flashbacks, and then directly influencing the world of the living. Zack speaks to and encourages Cloud during his struggle. Aerith reaches out to him (quite literally) from beyond the grave and assists him in defeating Bahamut. And of course Sephiroth pops back into existence just in time for his contractually-obligated boss fight near the end of the film. All three demonstrate quite clearly and definitively that death is not the impenetrable barrier to continuing interactions between the living and the dead in the world of Final Fantasy VII, as a certain segment of the fan base would have everyone believe it is.

To be blunt, I don't know what level of dense you'd have to be to keep up this so-called "argument" in light of this information. Advent Children reiterates what most of us already knew, that our story takes place in a fantasy setting* with a confirmed afterlife existence.

(*You'd think that the name of the series would clue people in.)

The notion that death represents, within the context of said setting, the ultimate end was already softly contradicted by the original game's narrative, and then (because that was apparently too subtle for some people) flat-out annihilated by the existence and events of Advent Children. It should have long since ended this nonsense. But somehow, it didn't. These revelations, obvious though they are, remain ignored for some reason. And so, the cycle of willful ignorance continues.

But we're not done yet. We now move on to more tangential, but still relevant arguments against this line of "reasoning".

Part 3. Stop Hitting Yourself: Why "but she ded tho" is insulting to everyone

And I do mean everyone. Let's examine this, shall we?

It's insulting to Cloud.

To suggest that he loses interest in Aerith the moment she sinks beneath the waters, or that he is obligated to move on simply because she is no longer among the living, with no mourning period, no time to work through his guilt and grief, is to portray him as shallow and uncaring, something that goes against virtually all the characterization that he's been given throughout the story. The line of thinking apparently goes "Well, she's gone. That sucks. She was cute, too. Better move on to the next available piece of meat."

Sounds pretty gross when you write the quiet part out loud, doesn't it?

It's insulting to Aerith.

"Didn't even toss the b@#h a Phoenix Down, just dumped'er in the water LAWL"

I'm sure you've all come across comments like that at some point, usually originating from some errant redditor or blogger. Thinking themselves fine fellows and enlightened, above-it-all gadflies, they provide us at length with this and other prime specimens of 14 year-old internet edgelord "humour" that carries about as much edge as a perfect sphere. Remarks like these serve little purpose beyond confirming my suspicion that our fandom is indeed plagued with illiterates who can't tell the difference between the terms "revive" and "resurrect", and insist on conflating game mechanics with storytelling. And you wonder why some people are confounded by words like "flammable" and "inflammable".

(All right, I'll put the salt down. For now.)

"The party's designated white mage dies, oh no, that's so sad, boo-hoo, life goes on," I hear you say.

But boiling Aerith's role down to one of merely that of a temporary party member who kicks the bucket halfway through the story, never to be heard from again, both cheapens her purpose within the larger narrative and denies the clear effect that she continues to exert, directly and indirectly, on it and the other characters after her passing.

Though Aerith may have departed the world of the living, the story makes it abundantly clear that her influence on it has not ended. There are hints here and there that she still tries to assist her friends from the afterlife. As an example, when the party rediscovers Cloud in Mideel after assuming that he might be lost for good, a villager sums it up best with the following remark: "That boy must have one hell of a guardian angel."

It's only mentioned as a vague hint in the original story, but it is clear that some beneficent force is acting on Cloud and Tifa's behalf, aiding them in their survival and uniting them in the Lifestream in order to help Cloud recover his memories. Later supplemental material confirms that to have been Aerith's doing. If that's not enough to convince you, though, the original game's ending leaves little room for ambiguity as to Aerith's continuing influence. When Holy sputters and fails, she coaxes the Lifestream itself to intervene, burning away the calamitous meteorite, helping her friends put an end to the planetary crisis long after her own demise. I suppose the lesson here for silver-haired godhead wannabe villains is this: Strike her down, and she shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

So the idea that Aerith's participation in the story immediately comes grinding to a halt upon her death is both puerile and easily demonstrated to be false. But even if that were the case, downplaying her lingering influence on Cloud and the other characters in this manner would still be ignoring the creators' intent. Whether one interprets Cloud and Aerith's relationship as romantic or merely platonic, it is clear that her death, the loss of one of his closest allies, is something that wounds him deeply, and scars him forever. Two years on, he still pines for her company and desires her forgiveness for his perceived failures. She clearly occupies a special place in his heart, and her memory and legacy live on within him, spurring him on as he wanders the planet, searching for some way to meet her again, defying the impossible. (Which, as we all know, isn't going to happen. This is, after all, Final Gritty Reality we're talking about here.)

Ah, but all of this is a moot point, you say? Even if he did wish to be with her, preferring the company of the last Cetra over that of his childhood friend… well, too bad. That's no longer an option. We can spout all of this verbiage about "soul pain" this and "star-crossed lovers" that, but at the end of the day, Aerith is still dead, and that's that. At least, that's what ardent CloTi fans will insist, no matter what. So, what is Tifa to Cloud, then, by their own logic?

Which brings us to perhaps our most salient, and most overlooked point, at least as far as CloTi shippers are concerned. If all that wasn't enough for you, you may want to consider that it's deeply insulting to Tifa, as well. Grievously so, in fact. Quite possibly more so than any other character in this whole equation. And the reason why should be plain as day if you stop to think about it for a fraction of a second.

Here's the thing… if you can't articulate why you think Cloud would prefer to be with Tifa in spite of Aerith being alive, then you are essentially declaring her the "winner" by default on no other merits than the fact that she's still sucking down air. Stating "but she ded bro" means relegating Tifa to the role of a consolation prize. I don't think I could ever hurl such a staggering insult towards her as her biggest fans keep doing, without even realizing they're doing it.

Ask yourselves, is that really what you want for your supposed favourite character? To frame her as being doomed to eternally play second fiddle to her fallen friend? Cloud's "plan B"? The "side piece"? Someone who only stands a chance if her rival in love is literally six feet under? I'm sure she'd be thrilled by the high regard in which her own fans seem to hold her. (Hey, you said it, not me. It's not my fault if you don't take the time to actually consider the ramifications of what rolls off your keyboard. But by all means, keep insulting your own favorite character just to put down a ship you don't like.)

In closing, if we unearth the subtext and reframe it to highlight what people are, in essence, saying, it's this: "It's a good thing that she-who-shall-not-be-named bit the dust, because otherwise our beloved Best Girl Tifa (tm) wouldn't stand a chance."

It's a simple enough question: Why do you think that Cloud and Tifa belong together? What, in your mind, makes them a good fit for each other?

"Well, the competish is dead." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Not exactly a ringing endorsement for your best girl, now is it?

Part 4. "Heads, I Win. Tails, You Lose": A brief word on hypocrisy

In fandom, it's often the loudest and most obnoxious voices who tend to drown out the more reasonable ones, those of fans who are just minding their own business and grooving on the thing that they like. Which, unfortunately, renders this next part a necessary component of the greater argument that I'm trying to make. Multishippers and sane, reasonable CloTi and Zerith fans may consider themselves exempted from the following harangue.

The rest of y'all, buckle up.

The too-oft repeated refrain of "but she ded tho" entails a twofold hypocrisy. The first part is:

Case of Tifa: Fan hypocrisy regarding death.

Strident anti-Clerith fans, with their usual level of maturity, will often bring up Aerith's demise in a gleeful, mocking tone that can best be summed up as "ding dong, the witch is dead!" And if the shoe were on the other foot? If their Best Girl Tifa (tm) were the one pushing up daisies instead of Miz Gainsborough? Would they be quite so cavalier in their attitudes?

Who wants to bet that these fans wouldn't be making this "argument" so loudly if it was their ship that was in question? Consider this scenario: Suppose that the remake trilogy does the unthinkable and has Tifa die in Aerith's place. What then? Would they accept that "but she ded tho" is, at best, a double-edged sword, one that applies equally to their own favourite ship were their fortunes to be reversed?

Something tells me that's not the case.

But if you think that's hypocritical, you ain't seen nothing yet. This first point pales in comparison to…

The Zerith Exemption: Fan hypocrisy regarding the afterlife.

You know what my favourite thing about this whole debacle is? When people inform me that because they are separated by death, Cloud and Aerith have no hope of ever being together again. They will then unironically pivot to shipping Zack and Aerith, two characters who are together in the MOTHERFUCKING AFTERLIFE.

It's wild. How do you even compress that much cognitive dissonance into one skull? We're talking about mind-melting, Olympic medal-worthy levels of mental gymnastics here.

Now, before someone accuses me of being morose, I'm not suggesting that Cloud hop off the nearest cliff just to be with his beloved (Aerith would not approve of him throwing his life away, for one), just that when he reaches the end of his natural life (which may not be too long, given the cells eating away at his body), he can finally be reunited with her in the afterlife.

Many ardent CloTi shippers see themselves as bound by law to uphold Zerith as a shield against the dreaded Clerith plague. But to proclaim, implicitly or explicitly, that the afterlife encompasses one but not the other is not an idea that can be taken seriously. It remains an utterly bizarre blind spot, one that beggars belief.

On a related note, there is the infamous misconception that is…

Part 5. The ZaCloud Fallacy

While this is not directly related to my main point, I nonetheless find myself compelled to address this issue. There is a long-standing confusion that bedevils our fandom, one that has its roots in the Shipping Wars (tm). I am, of course, referring to the ZaCloud Fallacy.

We owe this particular misapprehension to Crisis Core, a prequel/gaiden game that was released ten years after the original FFVII. Already, its existence can mess up the timeline, so to speak, as, strangely, people tend to treat it as a sequel rather than a prequel, and as though it were adding new and vital building blocks to the world of FFVII instead of merely distorting the original story while retreading it with a far less interesting cast of characters. It also retcons major elements of the original story that it shouldn't have (such as the events taking place in Nibelheim five years prior to the main narrative), lazily steals Clerith scenes only to rehash them with Zack and Aerith, and forces players to endure, at length, crimes against literature, courtesy of Genesis.

It's an odd prequel, to say the least, given how heavily it relies on the original story for context. Sequentially, it may take place before FFVII, but it can only be fully appreciated with the original in mind; it cannot be treated as a stand-alone story. The worst thing about Crisis Core existing is that playing it first can outright ruin people's perception of the original narrative by spoiling several major plot elements and even lessening them in the process. Crisis Core's writers are especially guilty of cheapening dramatic moments like Zack's last stand by transforming it from a quiet, tragic, harrowing scene about sacrifice to an utterly over-the-top and emotionally overwrought trainwreck. It all merely serves to add to the confusion, especially for gamers who started with this title instead of the original.

But if that were not enough, Crisis Core's reckless meddling with the story combined with the acrimonious and all-consuming nature of the shipping wars has resulted in one of the most nonsensical misconceptions in the entire fandom. During Crisis Core's ending, Zack implores Cloud to carry on his legacy, thus giving rise to the erroneous assumption that Cloud's behaviour in disc 1 is merely that of him "being Zack". Clerith-hating fans, in particular, pounced on this idea as a way to put a safe distance between him and Aerith, characterizing their interactions, whether platonic or romantic, as merely a case of Cloud utilizing Zack's memories and personality around her (Never mind that Zack and Cloud's personalities are as different as night and day).

It is a fundamental and willful misreading of the story, a gross oversimplification of a more complex and granular truth in service of a fan-originated meta-narrative, one that has been assembled in order to reach the conclusion that Cloud and Aerith's relationship is null and void, and that therefore the romance between him and Tifa remains unchallenged. (Never mind that the story is intended as more than just some playground tug-of-war romance). To maintain this lie is to do violence to the story by destroying Cloud's character arc and reducing him to a virtual non-entity until the very end of the game.

Having already been rebuked in regards to this pervasive delusion, certain fans have tried to hedge their bets by suggesting a second, more advanced version of this idea. ZaCloud Fallacy 2.0, if you will, which states that Cloud is only in Zack Mode (tm) when he's around Aerith. I don't even know what to say about that sort of nonsense. To paraphrase Charles Babbage, I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such an assertion.

I'd go into this in more detail, but YouTube creator LinkOnTheBrink has already covered this topic extensively in their superlative video essay "How Shipping Can Ruin a Narrative".

It may seem like I'm trashing Zack or Zerith here, but I'm really not. That was never my intent. So let me be clear about this: I like Zack. I just hate Crisis Core and what it's done to this fandom. If you prefer CloTi and Zerith to everything else, I don't much mind. Ultimately, this isn't about shipping wars nonsense, but protecting the narrative from such nonsense.

And that leads us to…

Part 6. I Against I: Where the fandom went wrong

We all know that the infamous FFVII Shipping Wars (tm) are as stupid as they are inescapable. Anyone who's spent any time at all within this fandom has inevitably run afoul of them and their detritus at some point, whether they've chosen to participate in them or abstain from the whole debacle. But there's a reason why this acrimonious dispute has raged on for as long as it has. Much like Blade Runner fans would argue until they were blue in the face about whether or not Deckard was a replicant, fans of this story have been squabbling about CloTi versus Clerith for ages for similar reasons. (Zerith got roped in as a "political wedge", I would argue, as much as a pairing in its own right.)

It's more than just a war over shipping, it's a war over canonization, over character motivation and psychology. Of how we ultimately interpret the story and its characters. Given the vagueness of the story's ending, one can't help but wonder and speculate as to how everyone ended up afterwards. (Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus may have offered some answers, but they still largely sidestep these questions in a noncommittal, to-be-continued manner.)

The problem is that, for many fans, it isn't possible to simply say "It's my preference" and be done with the matter. Unlike most rarepairs and bananas pairings like Cait x Jenova, CloTi and Clerith remain hotly contested because they go beyond mere shipping, or even aesthetic preference, or which characters one most identifies with; they lie at the core of how we perceive the story and its inhabitants. In that sense, I don't consider it to be an entirely frivolous debate, just an unsolvable one.

So, what's the answer?

There's this long-standing piece of received wisdom about JRPGs vs. WRPGs, where the latter involves more freedom at the expense of focused storytelling, and vice versa. This idea might hold true to some extent, but it is not some iron law that must be obeyed without question. For a game like FFVII, choices that radically affect the narrative structure would be considered an aberration and not the norm. And yet, it might represent the only way out of this quagmire that doesn't involve throwing half the fandom under the bus in the process.

For me, Mass Effect and similar titles (e.g., Quest for Glory) have already presented an obvious solution: Let the players choose. (There is already some precedent in the form of the Gold Saucer scene, although it ultimately doesn't change the outcome of the story all that much.) It may not be a perfect solution, but I'd argue that it's far better than leaving one side out in the cold. At least this way, everyone gets something.

"Ah, but this is not feasible," I hear you respond. "Not for an Eastern-style RPG, at least. Only one of these pairings can be correct, and one must, above all, respect the creator's vision."

Yeah, look where that got us.

Part 7. As You Like It: Ship whatever you please (just stop this nonsense)

I realize that this little essay of mine has been digressive, rudimentary, rambling, extemporaneous, and scattershot. So let me try to reach some kind of meaningful conclusion here.

Much of this anti-Clerith rhetoric we've seen over the years seems to stem from a place of insecurity, whether it's murmuring "but she ded tho", claiming that Cloud was only ever Zack in disc 1, inventing a fictional sex scene underneath the Highwind from whole cloth, and so on… The thing is, there is no need for it. Clerith and CloTi both exist canonically. Even the game manual says as much, describing Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith's relationship as a love triangle. In other words, the love triangle is what's canon, and the rest is by and large up for interpretation. (Zerith also canonically exists, and we've known this since the OG.)

The true reason why this whole disagreement has gone on for eternity, I suspect, has less to do with any debate over canonicity alone than it does the sheer enmity and pettiness that it has continued to spark for so long. It has metastasized over the years, going from being a mere squabble over which pair is canon to an exercise in holding the other side in contempt. That endless cycle of disrespect and reprisals is undoubtedly where it all went wrong in the first place. (If I had a nickel for every time someone commented "but she ded tho" or "wHy iS zAcK bLoNd iN tHiS pIc?" when someone posts a piece of Clerith fan art, I'd have a pretty nice collection of coins by now.)

Obviously, we should all try to just click off when we encounter content that we dislike, but it's not always easy, especially when something we harbour a strong aversion to is so deeply enmeshed within something that we do enjoy. And so, our fight-or-flight instinct kicks in. Before you ask, yes, I'm as guilty of that as anyone else.

Still, I firmly believe that the occasional olive branch can go a long way. So let me simply say that I have the utmost respect for Tifa and Zack. They are worthy characters in their own right. So create and share all the CloTi/Zerith fan works your little hearts desire. Hire a fleet of skywriters to declare Zerith your favourite couple. Throw a giant CloTi parade through the middle of Times Square. We don't mind. Honestly.

As stated above, whether it's CloTi, Clerith, or Zerith, you can stop fretting over which one is canon; they all are. The other three permutations (Zakkura, Zifa, AerTi) don't get much in the way of canon acknowledgement, but they probably should at this point.

In the end, this is about saving the narrative from the shipping wars, as much as anything else. To say that you prefer CloTi or something else to Clerith is fine. To assert that Clerith doesn't exist in any form, however, is where I begin to take exception.

Ultimately, I say ship what you like. All I ask is that you retire this sort of narrative-wasting nonsense. It's time we threw it into the garbage can of gaming history where it belongs. As for questions of motives, character interpretation, canonization, and so forth… if we cannot reach an accord, then let us at least try for a more amicable disagreement.

As for my fellow Clerith supporters, the next time you see the withered old canard that is "but she ded tho" being bandied about in the wild, feel free to laugh and treat it with the derision and contempt that it so richly deserves.

[kamiversee]

SPILL ON UR LOVELIFE OMG WHAT 👀👀 I want fanfic moments too hsjjssj

Are you ready for a yap sesh…

Okay so do y’all rmb that 6ft tall guy I was talking to & said I MIGHT be in love w? Yeah so erm… He was wayyy to lusty for me, so much so that when we talked and he’d say how much he liked me— it just felt weird because it was like “wtf do you like about me aside from the fact that I’m nice & know how to dirty talk??”

And I thought it was ironic that he was too lusty for me even tho I write literal smut in my free time but y’all I’m not even exaggerating when I say nearly every convo w tht man was about sex. And if it wasn’t about sex then it was just about something pertaining to him in general.

Anything he knew about me was info I had to just throw out there to him yk? It was like he never really asked me anything about myself unless it was something sexual. Which irked my nerves so badly because, again, wth did he like about me? The guy didn’t even know my favorite color like ??

But in the beginning I was pretty blindsided by how good the conversations were and I was just happy to receive attention in all honesty.

Anywho tho, I told my bsf about the guy & he was telling me to stop talking to him because it’s going no where, or at least tell him that I want him to start asking things about me but uh…

I’m not that kinda person y’all. I dont want to have to tell someone to be curious about me if they claim to be interested in me. It was so apparent that he was only interested in the way I gave him a listening ear on his struggles & the way I engaged in sexual convos.

So, although I felt like shit for a while because I didn’t wanna be like his other exes tht just up & left him for no reason, I eventually told him I just couldn’t talk to him romantically anymore. NOW, this was damn there the icing on the cake.

While he was really mature about it ending & basically said he understood and wasn’t going to push me about staying or anything, y’all��� he didn’t even ask why I wanted things to end. I wasn’t exactly looking for him to ask why but dude, if u claimed to like me as much as you did & were oh so infatuated with me, shouldn’t you wanna know why I suddenly wanna break things off w you??? 😐

Anyway, that ended & we decided to just stay friends. Our convos got shorter and shorter & nowadays he & I both moved on.

ONTO MY CURRENT LOVE INTEREST 😁

Guys hes so.

We started talking from me giving him advice abt his ex and stuff & I met him literally right after that first guy so he even gave me advice abt him and when I told him I felt so shitty about leaving guy numb 1, he reassured me even tho he didn’t know me tht well at the time ^-^

Then from there we just became friends and would talk a lot bc he noticed my lil sugu obsession and told me he looked like him (He does lowk) which led to him sayin I should be obsessed w him instead of Sugu since he’s actually real… he lowk gagged me there guys

Aaaand we’d just talk every day more and more, all on discord btw bc it’s so silly over there (server coming when??) And like, I dont rmb when exactly he caught feelings for me but at some point I could just kinda tell.

The only thing was that it just felt too soon so when he actually confessed to me or wtv, I told him I still wanted to know more about him as a person and whatnot. AND GUYSGUYSGUYS.

So rmb guy1 right? & how he didn’t even know my fav color? I told guy2 about that and he immediately asked abt it. I KNOW that’s smth so small but pls, it was so sweet…. is the bar in hell? Idk, I swear I have standards 🙏

We even had a whole convo abt colors & it was just super cute! >< Another time, I vented and told him how guy1 didn’t rlly put in any effort to get to know me but claimed to like me and guy2 went out of his way to say how he wants to know everything about me

When I tell y’all his confession was like smth out of a damn fanfic. YALLLLLL. And it’s funny bc MLN is actually based on events tht’s happened in my life soo…

Anywho, guy2 is amazing and ilhsm. He’s so sweet and silly, I wanna eat him yall ☹️

We talk everyday & I’ve ruined my sleep schedule juust a bit for him (it was ruiened beforehand tbh)!

That’s pretty much how things r goin for me rn. Guy1 & guy2 did interact w each other at one point and it was sooo messy yall, I was not feelin it but thats a story for another time frfr

I hope you guys enjoyed my podcast :3

[mad-bird-writes]

Introduction and Current WIPs

Hiya! My name is Echo (@tousled-birdmad-girl is my main for those who care about such things) and I'm a writer. I've been writing in some form or another since I was about ten years old, but only recently plucked up the gumption and drive to attempt anything original, much less put it out for the world to see. Time will tell how this goes...

I love horror, tho I wouldn't consider myself a "genre" author, as I think horror, surrealism, fantasy and magic can be found everywhere if you know where to look, and the presence of fantasy elements does not necessarily mean you're writing a "fantasy" book. So, we'll call what I do "fiction" and leave it at that for now :D

Inspiration-wise, I draw from the works of Stephen King, everything Mike Flanagan ever put to Netflix and beyond, Paul Shapera and his ever-growing Shaperaverse, Guillermo Del Toro, Chuck Palahniuk, and the Cthulhu Mythos as a whole (with a particular liking for taking the worlds, entities and themes first created by Lovecraft and using them to create something that'd make him spin in his grave.)

Below the cut: a list of my current WIPs and some general housekeeping information. If you see something that sparks your interest, please come sit by my hearth and pour yourself a drink <3

Original Works:

The Lost Souls' Revival: After a series of personal crises, struggling creative Amari Walker stumbles across a flyer advertising a strange carnival, offering "a total restoration of spirit" for the cryptic asking price of "3Y". With nothing left to lose, she attends, quickly becoming enthralled by the Revival and its colourful cast of performers, in particular its eccentric, nameless ringmaster. When her night of fun and escapism is over, she finds herself wanting more, and embarks on a one-woman quest to follow the ever-moving carnival wherever it goes, a quest that will drive her to the edge of sanity, and possibly beyond the reach of reality itself. (vibes: steampunk, dark carnival, mythology/folklore mishmash, fantasy horror, the Fair Folk, whatever the goblins were selling in Rosetti's Goblin Market)

Better To Reign In Hell: It's 1897. The world is changing too fast. Pastor Nathaniel Lawrence is dying, for all that he's trying to hide it. His daughter, Susannah, too old for rebellion and too young for spinsterhood, is content to follow in her mother's footsteps as the town's herbalist, but a bombshell marriage proposal seems set to destroy those plans. A chance encounter with a badly wounded man may offer her the escape she seeks, but at a price: Merritt Caine is not all he appears to be, and his dark past has an unbreakable grip. (vibes: southern gothic HEAVY on the gothic, small town horror, witchcraft (fictitious and real), Satanism (fictitious and real), corruption but in a good way, religious horror, the cycle of abuse, eventual murder (of the good kind) )

The Order of The Pallid Mask: In the corpse of a city at the centre of a dying world, a benevolent cult is working to restore their world to its fabled former glory by appealing to its retreated god, The King in Yellow. Sariann, the cult's High Priestess, is willing to sacrifice whatever she must to ensure a brighter future for the city's refugees; her body, her soul, her mind. Virgil, a lower-ranking member of the Order, her confidant, attendant and trusted friend, is willing to defy the Order and his faith to keep her alive. And the Yellow King has plans and desires of his own... (vibes: Cosmic horror, Lovecraftian but make it romantic, the beauty of the unknown, rituals, creating a religion from the ashes of an old world, post-apocalypse, ancient civilization (not of Earth), Eldritch love triangle) ***

Fan Works/Other:

As far as fanfics go, I don't have any long-form WIPs on the stove, more like a series of short (well, short-ish) form drabbles, headcanons and other assorted bits, which I might as well post here when I have them as proof that I do have a creative output that extends beyond Spotify playlists and Pinterest boards.

Fandoms include:

Fallout (mainly New Vegas and the Prime series so far, but encompassing this universe as a whole)

Red Dead Redemption (particularly the second game as I haven't played the first one yet, £35 for a port of a PS2 game my *ass*)

the Flanaverse (Hill House, Bly Manor, TFOTHOU, Midnight Mass... basically everything bar The Midnight Club, which I have not watched)

the Cthulhu Mythos (if you can call that a fandom :D I was working on a queer retelling of Dreams in the Witch-House at one point, if I can *find* the notes I wrote I might bring that one out of retirement...)

plus one or two fandoms the content crucibles of which I would not subject myself to if you held me at gunpoint (iykyk)

I've also amassed a small collection of OCs from various TTRPGs I've been part of, a couple of whom still haunt my mind and may or may not be written about from time to time... (no DnD tho, I think it's safe to say we've reached saturation point with DnD-centric/derivative works) ;)

***

General housekeeping + other info: I am an adult and this is an adult writing blog by default. I will be writing smut/other sexual content and dealing with mature and dark themes throughout these listed works (and anything else I may write to post here.) I will tag for "main" triggers and give general content warnings where applicable, but I cannot guarantee to cover every single trigger a person may have, therefore, you read and interact here at your own risk. If requested, I will add more trigger warnings, but again, I can't fully guarantee to get everything.

I kindly ask that you refrain from reposting anything from this blog: excerpts, character profiles, moodboards (if I make them) etc. I also ask that you do not take anything for your personal use under any circumstances.

My inbox is open, so send me an ask if you have any questions or simply want to chat! But for now, I've rambled for quite long enough, so I'm gonna wrap this post here. See you! <3

(tagging @coffeexafterxmidnight and @dominaarts )

[uriekukistan]

Fanfic Writer Interview

thank you @alonelystargazer for tagging me!

no pressure tags @earthtodora @sunnyyflowerrs @kentuckyfriedmegumi and @kat-likes-writing !!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

counting the ones i moved to "anonymous" i have 36 for 3 fandoms

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Family is Embarrassing

Dancing With a Stranger

summer lovin'

koi no yokan

honey and lavender

all itafushi. i write other fandoms/ships sometimes but yeah im mostly known for itafushi. if i can even call myself known.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

okay so i DO but im just really slow right now because of uni. like i have 100+ comments stacked up im so sorry guys. uni is kicking my ass. but usually i try to bc i like to let readers know that i appreciate the support <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

....this is hard i have a few that are pretty bad. the one that hurts me the most is right where you left me (ghost au)....idk it's like sad and happy. they both sortaaa get what they need but also like they dont get to be together, and i think (hope) it was obvious from the start that a happy ending wasn't on the table for them

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

contrary to popular belief i write a lot of happy endings!!!!!! i want to say koi no yokan even though it's not out yet, not because it has the objectively happiest ending, but because the whole thing is so angsty and a lot of people have said they doubt that i'll actually give a happy ending. and i will! anyway, i'd say its the happiest because its like. relieving at the end. without giving too much away.

Do you write crossovers?

i don't think i'd write a crossover in the traditional sense where characters from two medias interact, but i've written au's where i put the characters from x show into the universe from y show. that's probably as close as i'll get to a crossover.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

four times...ngl i was a bit confused abt one bc it felt like they hadn't read the fic, one time they just hated the ship and took it out on the fic, and the other was recent......that once kinda upset me bc of the second ask they sent.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

uh. hm. i have. i'm very shy abt it so i would never post it in a way that'd tie back to me, and only a few ppl actually know abt the details.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i've seen.........but im also chronically offline these days

Have you ever had a fic translated?

also no, but i do frequently get comments in spanish which is cool

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

tbh i think it'd be fun, but i'm also so particular abt my process that i think it'd frustrate the other person. however....there would potentially be a few ppl i'd be interested in writing with. but once again, i'm shy

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

itafushi ofc. my number one forever, i don't think a singular ship has ever grabbed me by the throat like this before

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

sigh theres so many. i recently published a new fic and i'm like not even feeling motivated to write the next two chapters......i feel bad abt that bc i did already share it. this is why i need to write all if not most of the multichapter before i share it. most of the things i have rn are just ideas tho bc i havent had time to write much that's new

What are your writing strengths?

oh god......um i think i do a good job creating an emotional atmosphere and taking the reader inside the pov character's head

What are your writing weaknesses?

description for sure. i'm just not good with visual things, whether its art or descriptions in writing. i'm also not observant which doesn't help like i couldn't tell you anything about what's happening around me right now which is Not Good. either way it hinders my writing fs. also i think sometimes i struggle w pacing and characterization. and dialogue. um. honestly i think i have a lot of weaknesses, i'm not the fondest of my own writing unfortunately.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

hm. i think it has a place ig, but personally i would never do it, despite the fact that i'm trilingual and definitely have the capacity to.

also this is an unpopular opinion, and i think it comes from my time studying japanese in university, but when i see like "gojo-sensei," or "itadori-kun" type things, it does make me cringe a bit. like i know that is what they are saying but like if i did that in class it would be marked wrong so i've just been trained to read it as incorrect.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

ngl rn im only interested in writing for itafushi. i would like to write more for tokyo ghoul soon though

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

at this present moment.....right where you left me. there is also a budding au in my drive that i'm quite fond of but i'm waiting to share more details on that

[rollercoasterwords]

hi hi!! first of all i wanna say hi i am *obsessed* with as the worm moon dies. it’s so far outside my usual tastes but i decided to read it for some random reason i can’t remember and good lord im so glad i did. it’s fucking beautiful.

which leads me to my two questions…

do you know when you’ll have the last two chapters out?? my heart *aches* for sirius and remus both individually and together as a couple and god i hope they get some sort of resolution even if it’s not an HEA

pls i beg of you what is atwmd remus’ favorite story in compass rose?? will it be exceedingly obvious when i read it (im struggling to get my hands on a copy but im so obsessed with this version of remus that i WILL find one)?

hi thank u!! glad ur enjoying the fic <3 unfortunately cannot tell u when the last 2 chs will be out i’ve been drowning in work this semester & have had very little time 2 write fanfic…my goal currently is to try & finish the fic before 2025 & if i manage to do that it’ll likely be once my winter break from school starts in december. no promises tho bc i will still have a second job & family engagements etc…they will get some resolution tho i have the last 2 chs mapped out plot wise i just need to find time to sit down & finish writing them lol

& i have not read the entirety of the compass rose myself actually!! i picked it bc i wanted to reference ‘the wife’s story’ which in my mind is what r is referring to when he mentions his fave story…if i read the full book one day i might change my mind abt what’s actually his favorite vs what he told s. u should be able to read ‘the wife’s story’ here if u want to tho!

[piyesis-yhs]

♡Alijah♡ Yap Session!

I'm really bored so I thought I just might talk about Alijah

To those who know me, you already seen this coming lol. Now, why you may ask? well, as the self-proclaimed captain of the ship...uh I don't know. It just came to be in a dream. 

Long Post

jk, I think I first considered it way back when I first joined the yhs fandom. I tend to ship characters who I find pretty and since Elijah had a cool design, and Alec was my favorite character...well bam! new ship! But shipping these two came with multiple problems, cause one; I was the lone shipper at the time so if I wanted to see fanfics and fanart of them...I had to do it myself...which was eughhh... especially writing the fics cause I am not a writer! And two, they literally never met each other (technically) AND Elijah has around 3 minutes of screen time.

Bro, at the time, a lot of people were tolerating my shenanigans so I knew a lot of people didn't find interest in them until I started drawing them a lot. The key to getting your rarepair noticed and decently well-liked is posting everyone's favorite and then dragging them by the arm to start showing off your blorbos, cause if you post stuff that everyone likes--they'll follow you. When they do, they'll probably tolerate the ship since they're usually just there to see the stuff they like. (like a package deal!)

but besides all that, I think Alijah is pretty neat. there's not a lot about Elijah's character so I had to improvise and my version of his character is the guy who struggles to connect with people because of the lack of childhood he had. I think that it'd be very hard making friends if you grew up committing crimes so Elijah was a loner. (and since it's canon that he and Celeste were homeschooled, they're definitely loners. Not Celeste tho, she's an ambivert and functions better in social environments even if she's also quiet while Elijah just seems introverted.) 

So adding to his character, because of the life he grew up in, He's attached to his sister. He doesn't have that many aspirations in life so he just does what Celeste is doing and usually listens to her when she needs help. I picture him to be like a stray dog--trained, obedient but has no real place where he belongs so he just follows those who he likes. 

I think this is how Elijah and Alec get together in the first place but that was in my winter au, which I won't talk about since most of it is being used for my oc webtoon. However, in the remake version, Alec doesn't feel worthy enough to be with his friends and pursue his feelings for Funneh, so he forces himself to work more since in Alec's mind, he couldn't save himself so he might as well stop trying to have nice things. He ends up on a self-destructive path and now that he's spending more time at work, he gets to know more about Elijah. Their relationship is just co-workers at first, barely talking and there to get the job done, but since Alec is shown to be pretty talkative around his friends--I think he'd try to at least strike up a conversation out of awkwardness.

Eventually, Elijah would start talking too making their relationship less tense and more friendly. If they ever hang out it'll probably be because of a coincidence, like "Oh, hey! You're at this place too :O!" 

if one of them fell in love first, it'd be Elijah since I think it wouldn't be that hard to impress him since he's a loner. with the stray dog stuff, he gets more attached to Alec to the point he'd focus on him more than his sister and when it came to work, his motivations pointed to making sure Alec wasn't killed by Yumi (who at this point in this au was considering it since Celeste was trying to talk her into it--i'll explain this more when I ramble about celesdere.)

Alijah's Dynamic + overall story:

Speaking of their relationship, their overall dynamic wouldn't be healthy. Elijah's the attachment type and Alec's the avoidment type. (match made in heaven! *sarcastic*) Since Elijah didn't have the best childhood, his perception of love is warped. He believes that to love is to give them you're everything and to worship. He learned that from his sister since their parents were always fighting (like oh, they're not in love because they didn't put in the effort in the other person like Celeste was putting in her love for Yumi)

His love for Alec is more obsessive and he becomes more insecure. His goal is to keep Alec by his side since Alec is one of the few people who doesn't mistreat him (since Elijah did have relationships before but they were mostly abusive) With his insecurities, he becomes like Yumi in how he gets easily jealous. He doesn't want Alec hanging out with Funneh, let alone being with his old friends who were enemies of their little crime organizations and it gets to the point he'll imply he'll harm her (but he doesn't since Elijah knew that Alec wouldn't love him anymore so all he really does is cling and tries to get Alec to stay without harming those Alec cares about.)

Now, for Alec! SInce he was pushing himself away from his friends, he stayed with Elijah not because he liked him, but because he was there. he doesn't fully love him the way he loves Funneh. She was perfect in his eyes, He idealized her but when it comes to his coworker, he was a constant reminder of the mess he got himself into and Alec eventually regrets isolating himself since he realized that it's never too late to fix his mistakes and make it up to the people he hurt.

Alec saw Elijah as a convenience since Alec used him to feel better about himself. He needed assurances that he was doing the right thing, that the world didn't have a place for someone like him and it was better to drown with someone else than alone. Elijah was more like someone to comfort him, but since Alec was getting better mentally he didn't really need Elijah so if he tried to break things off Alec would find himself unable to because Elijah's possessive nature would reveal itself. Alec wanted to move on and live better but his boyfriend doesn't let him. 

His feelings for Elijah become complicated. He loved Elijah because Alec found comfort in not having to pretend to be someone he wasn't like he was with his friends and he loved that Elijah stayed knowing they were criminals but he later formed resentment when Alec didn't need him anymore.

While they were dating, as Alec got better he was making plans to betray Yumi and them. He wanted to turn himself in and wanted to take Yumi and the crew with him. However, with Elijah dating him, he hesitates since he still loves him (even if his feelings were shallow at first) Alec knew that if he betrayed them, he would be their or Elijah's target. (think of my Now or Never fic) 

since this is getting jumbled I'll try to figure out where I'm heading with this ramble lol

With Elijah's possessiveness and worship of Alec (giving everything to him like Celeste did with Yumi) he begins to see that something is off with Alec and after a little digging, he finds Alec's betrayal both to their work and relationship-wise because at this point with Alec wanting to get back to his old relationships, his decision to become friends with them again, becoming friends with Funneh again, this was betrayal to Elijah. to him, Alec left their life together to join someone else's. Elijah doesn't take it well because, to Elijah, he was the stray dog who was yet again abandoned. 

either Alec or Elijah would attempt to kill the other if Alec is confronted with his betrayal of Yumi or if Elijah is ordered to try and kill Alec by his sister or Yumi. 

Even if Alec was using Elijah, he still loved him. though his feelings were overridden by his resentment, he loved him. To him, it was shallow but near the end of their relationship, it became more hard to ignore especially when he reconnected with his friends. Think A Pearl by Mistski, he loved him but it wasn't a healthy type of love. it was more like infatuation with familiarity since Elijah was the one who saw the true him. no facade like he wore when he was with his friends.

depending on how evil I feel like being, Elijah will die and his death will become the pearl Alec would have afterward.

uh, I think that's the end of my ramble for Alijah lol, though just in case it needs to be said, I don't condone abusive/toxic relationships! I already got enough of them irl so I do not desire one irl! 

I find the appeal in toxic relationships when it's creating complexities in characters and how It affect their motivations and desires. I care more about their upbringing and escape of them instead of just liking them because of romanticization (which I hope is clear that I'm not doing or desire to do)

with all that out of the way, this is my interpretation of them! :D and only interpretation I believe since I don't think I saw another ramble or hc post about them.1

oh yeah, regarding my fics, they're usually stand-alones so Now or Never isn't canon in this ramble (since this ramble is the main foundation for the stuff I make) so some aus and fics are loosely based on this.

Have a good day/night!

if you see grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes--no you didn't!

[my-mt-heart]

The show so far just feels like two shows jammed together. The carol side feels like a Caryl show we want showing carol start to address her grief and trauma showing how badass and strong and devious she is when it comes to getting to and saving the man she loves. Then we cut to Daryl's part and it feels like a bad fanfic like let's dump Daryl in France and self inserts with a blonde nun as his true love. I feel once carol meets Daryl it will just be a mess tho cos it's obviously only going to serve Daryl's arc and not joining together them both. Carol arc alone so far is stronger and superior and makes sense. Melissa's performance is powerful there is scenes where she is manipulating a grieving father to help her and you see her guilt and desperation and going back and forth struggling with her conscience. And the way her voice cracks when talking about needing a friend when she means Daryl top tier

I agree with a lot of this assessment having watched the season for myself. Melissa crafted a beautiful story for Carol and for Caryl, but it gets muddled once the arcs intersect and the show goes out of its way to frame the narrative around literally anything but Caryl's dynamic.

[cressthebest]

i want to start this out by saying that if this ask is something that you are not comfortable answering or talking about please don’t answer it bc some of this might be a little personal.

i saw in one of your posts about you being ex-catholic and i was curious about that. i’m a catholic person that goes to a catholic school, in a catholic town, with a catholic family. i’ve been really thinking about being catholic recently and my problems with it. i was wondering if you could share a little of your experience with me? again if this is too personal please ignore i don’t want to pry into your life.

i promise i wasn’t ignoring this, i just suck at answering asks 😔 which is unfortunate because i love receiving asks and talking about myself

and i have no concept of person space/personal questions, so honestly it’s all chill

but my experience honestly only got worse with time. when i was little, things were more fun, as things typically are when you’re young. i was always bored in church, but i liked wearing pretty dresses and singing the songs. this post will go over a lot of uncomfortable topics and will be quite personal. you’ve been warned. blep. 👁️👅👁️

the first step, which is ignored for a long time was drumroll …. masturbation. i didn’t learn about it from books or fanfic or porn or anything. i was just a kid (maybe 13) and figuring out my body, which included being curious about why touching down there in certain ways felt good. once i realized what it was and that it was a sin, i started to struggle a lot. 1. it felt good and i didn’t want to stop feeling good in that way. 2. but it’s a sin and god did not approve.

for non-catholics reading, in catholicism we do something called confession. it’s where we go to a priest and tell him all our sins. the priest acts as god, and when you tell him this, it’s basically telling god. he then forgives you and gives you a penance, which is typically just a set of prayers to say. and they’re NOT ALLOWED to tell anyone else your sins.

well i was a regular confession attendee, but i could never bear to tell the priest that i had masturbated. lots of times i would cry after masturbating and was worried about going to hell, because i wasn’t stopping. i couldn’t figure out how to abstain from this habit (that quite frankly i didn’t even indulge in very much). lots of tears and fear associated with something that is supposed to feel good.

i can’t remember if i eventually resolved that i wouldn’t stop even tho it was a sin, or if i struggled with this up until i stopped believing in general.

it honestly started to go downhill the most once covid hit. (i was about 14) school closed, and so my mother decided that her kids (all six of us) would be homeschooled from now on. the homeschooling was the second step. she decided it would be best for our family to be catholic homeschooled. all of our books were Seton Homeschooling. any catholic homeschooler has probably heard of this program, even if they never used it. this program taught me a hella lot more about the faith. and me being autistic, this definitely became a hyperfixation. i learned a lot tbh. i probably know more about catholicism than the average practicing catholic.

knowing a lot about the faith caused me to find lots of weird “plot holes” and lots of contradictions. my faith was beginning to waiver, but i was learning everything i could about the faith, trying to answer my questions. honestly, i was starting to lose my grip on the faith.

covid being covid, this was the time i started to discover my sexuality. asexuality came first. it was a struggle to come to terms with, but i found out that there were gay people who were still catholic and i found temporary comfort in that community. i determined that my asexuality was actually a blessing from god. (he gave it to me because if i wasn’t asexual, i probably would have had sex before marriage because i love so fiercely and fully. so he gave asexuality to me so i could prevent myself from the sin of premarital sex. looking back, i think that’s a load of bullshit considering i’m actually demisexual lmao)

but then i had a ✨bi awakening✨which coincidentally took place in a church. a very pretty girl passed me in church and i forgot how to breathe lol. anyways, i left that church knowing something new about me. by the end of the week, i was thinking of myself as bi. i actually started dating this girl a few months later. funny enough, i felt like god had blessed our relationship and didn’t condemn it, simply because he allowed me to meet a girl named MARY in his CHURCH. so u felt like our relationship wasn’t a sin. she was catholic as well. we were quite the pair.

at this point, i was grasping at threads trying to find a reason to still be catholic. the next big incident snapped the thread. my best freind (catholic) told me that my relationship with mary was a sin and she couldn’t support it. i hung up with her lol. she called back and i said i’d only stay on the phone if she wasn’t mean. she proceeded to pull out a script she wrote to tell me how this was a sin and the guilty feelings i was having was because deep down i knew it was a sin. (it was just internalized homophobia). i hung up again. she texted me a long script and said i was going to hell. i blocked her.

here’s the part where the issue unfolds. she told her mom the situation, and her mom called my mom. she outed me to my mother. that night, not only did i lose my best friend and my girlfriend, but also any sense of comfort i felt in my house for about three years. (don’t worry for my safety. mother took away lots of my privileges such as internet, friends coming over, me being able to text most of my friends, going to my friend’s places, sleepovers, etc. but it was never unsafe for me) but that incident was probably the final drop that made the bucket overflow. i stopped believing in god sometime after that.

my loss of faith and discovery of sexuality are tied together and i cannot separate those journeys. however, i do believe that even without a sexuality discovery, i would have realized i didn’t believe in catholicism any more.

knowing as much as i did about catholicism, combined with my firm-proof-needing autism, and my sexuality discovery, all led me to lose the faith. after leaving it, i began to despise it, while also feeling guilty. it took many years to become okay with no longer being catholic.

though i would also like to note that even the catholic institution is quite corrupt and i hate organized church, i don’t hate people for being catholic. it makes me wary at first, but catholicism and god are not the issues. i don’t hate on people for being catholic or believing, nor do i want to belittle their faith. however, i feel like the catholic community is corrupt.

i don’t want to encourage you in either direction. do what’s best for you and what would help you be the best person and most happy in your life. i encourage you to question things and be curious about the faith. it might make your faith stronger, and you will be happy you did it, or you will realize this isn’t something you want to spend time on anymore. it’s up to you. and it may take YEARS to figure out. be kind to yourself and to others, and i guarantee it will be okay. no matter what you discover, you’ll have a community waiting for you.

as an end note, i’d like to add that you can ask any follow up questions you please. i’m willing to answer anything. if you require clarification on anything, just shoot an ask. i am aware that i wrote this while very sick with strep and honestly some of this might not make sense.

[your-local-uwu-artist]

HELLO

So I have finished both season 10 and just last night season 11 of ninjago!

Season ten I finished at like 1 am staying up late to watch it so that's why I forgor to post about it

So I'll do that first!

Season 10 was a 10/10!!!

Really liked garmadon's characterization. My favorite part was when a random ass guy explained the meaning of life to him. I liked seeing Faith again. I thought the Cole death fakeput was really well done. Specifically how it like, tied into multiple things going on with the story. This shows always been good at that. Like how the grief leads to garmadon character moments and also internal struggle for nya and sense Cole's actually fine now we have to parrelell threads of story to follow and wait to reconnect

SEASON 11

Holy SHIT

-I think I like the new rendering style, it makes the colors look brighter. No real opinion on the added hair texture but I enjoyed the added texture to clothes and stuff. There were some scenes where I was like 'animators having fun' and really that's what I think is most important :3

-Cole's dumbass soda hat my beloved

-loved the episode where they were just like: looking for problems. They are all such silly Billies. Borderline menaces on occasion

-also loved the episode with the paperboys and the news network. I've thought a lot about the citizens of ninjago city and these episodes finnally gave me a proper look into it. Was not dissapointdd!! I am delighted!!!

-jumping ahead here but pixel and Zane's reunion hug was SO fucking cute. My God. There little photo too!!!! My God there always adorable together but it still just ajgfiabduaks my heartttt. Tbh personally I see them as more of a qpr/soulmates kinda thing rather then a conventional romance. Like just, they love each other and that's all that matters <3

-GOD DAMMIT the ice emperor shit goes SO hard. Lots for the fanfics to explore here.

-I fucking LOVED how they had the hand on the scroll all frozen over and whenever he stood up from the throne there was ice breaking just my godddddd

-also I am sorry to admit I did at one point think to my self 'very Elsa core'

-I feel like there was a lot of things this season why I found myself thinking that there's three sides to every story. A lot of stuff where I felt like what we the audience were being shown wasn't quite the reality. I think the episode with the jailbreak proves this. Like with aspheera and wu. I'm sure there's something more there. That ashpeera's retelling of events would be different. Maybe king mamba was actually a huge asshole or smth. Idk. The point is there is something unknown there... CUE THE FANFICTION PLEASE.

-this leads into vex. I'm CERTAIN his story of leaving the formlings and when he came back to give evil speech went down VERY differently then what we were able to see. Not that Vex snt a fucking loser piece of work. He stalked a vulnerable individual and went 'I can manipulate this guy! '. Just that I thing things are a little more complicated then what we saw. Kinda like with nadakhan: still a fucking horrible person, but there was some characterization that showed them as A person. Rather then a stand in for a generic monster. I think that makes them scarier monsters actually

-speaking of monsters Krag was great. Love how Cole really just went 'Krag comes with us, Krag is friend now'

-I loved akita! Fun design!!!! She'd bite people for fun and she's real for that

-god dammit Zane's little goodbye video message was so fucking sad and sweet

-oh yeah the random ass 2d segments! I defiantly enjoyed them! They weren't perfect but who cares. I wonder like: how that happened tho???

-welp that's all from the top of my head.