#This took me at least 3 hours to make
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
2023 Ao3 Wrapped
It's almost 2024, so it's finally time to show you guys my Ao3 Wrapped (A recap of my personal ao3 read fanfics, their fandoms and the ones i liked the most).
This year I read 218 complete fanfics from many different fandoms:
106 - Thiam (Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken - Teen Wolf)
63 - Buddie (Evan “buck” buckley/Eddie Diaz - 911)
18 - Superbat (Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne - DC)
16 - Dinluke (Din Djarin/Luke Skywalker - Star Wars)
15 - other fandoms (Ghost, QSMP, Marvel etc)
All of them together add to a total of 4.172.008 words (Almost double of last year's count). This calculates to 418 hours of reading time, cus i have no social life <3
AND NOW FOR THE BEST PART: My favorites of the year!!
#1 - AIRPLANES BY @captainmintyfresh Thiam Words: 236,875 Chapters: 43
This is most definitely my favorite fanfic of all time, it's SO WELL WRITTEN and so funny and sad and cute and romantic I JUST CAN'T GET OVER IT! Honestly one of the best works i ever encounter and its my top #1 of 2023 without a doubt!!
#2 - Dangerous Dreams BY @shirozora-draws Dinluke Words: 196,702 Works: 4
With FOUR different works, this series GOT ME WRAPPED AROUND IT'S FINGER with the story, character studies and illustration that literally made me love it so much i wanna cry. My personal favorite was The Storm, but every single one it's a masterpiece on its own and I really hope they finish The Stars soon so i can scream and cry a bit more.
#3 The Right To remain Silent by fallingforboys @theoceanismyinkwell Thiam Words: 28,992 Chapters: 3/3
This Teen Wolf adaptation of brooklyn nine-nine made my year 200% better, its definitely something i will read over and over again without ever getting tired, since its two of my favorite shows together! I love every aspect of it and i will recomend to everyone that I know in every situation possible.
#4 oh you're a crewmate? name every task by @remycchi Superbat Words: 11,348 Works: 2
This short and cute series is such a cool and chill read, it's very funny and makes you giggle and kick your feet, and also made me laugh very hard. I genuinely love how light it is and I have to admit that I read it more than a few times during the year.
#5 Bad Luck Buck 'verse by whileyouresleeping Buddie Words: 50,216 Works:4
ANOTHER PERFECT SERIES THAT I ABSOLUTE LOVE! This one is funny, even if a bit exaggerated. I love how their relationship grows and you definitely should put it in your list for next year.
And that's it for this year! Thank you for reading and I hope all of you have a great 2024!!!
See you in the next Ao3 Wrapped.
#This took me at least 3 hours to make#i dont know basic math im sorry#AND THERES LIKE SO MANY OTHERS THAT I LOVED#gOD I WISH I COULD PUT EVERY SINGLE ONE HERE#I will make more recs if you guys are interested#but later Lmao#ao3 fanfic#ao3#fanfic#dinluke fanfiction#dinluke#dinluke rec#star wars#the mandalorian#buddie#911 on abc#teen wolf#thiam fanfic#thiam#airplanes fanfic#superbat#superbat recs#buddie recs#ao3 recs#fanfiction recs#ao3 wrapped
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Songfell Frisk my beloved
A birthday gift to @ikustioa / @songfell-ut 💖💖💖
I actually colored this differently - colored and shaded everything in gray and then overlayed colors. Was fun to try but I think I'll stick with just coloring XD
#undertale#frisk#undertale au#songfell#songfell frisk#witch frisk#i love you ikky u r amazing and im so happy u r my friend <3#i need to catch up on songfell too...#i recorded drawing this and wanted to make it into a speedpaint but it ended up 10 minutes long and im not posting that#at least i can tell you that this took me 3 hours 30 mins
232 notes
·
View notes
Text
SRL here to celebrate the one month anniversary of the Grand Festival!
A few of our researchers went back to the Grand Festival grounds to help with the late stage clean-up, but they found a few photos left behind. We thought you might want to take a look back and reminisce! 👀
(...pssst! One of our interns made a few photocopies of the photos found on the festival grounds!)
#hey guys remember when i said a month ago that i would make grandfest art?#well here's that - i promise i was actually working on it the whole month but burn out has been killing me#but i did the math (and at least digitally alone) this took me 27 hours to put things into perspective for you#splatfest#splatoon art#splatoon fanart#splatoon fandom#splatoon idols#splatoon#big man splatoon#callie splatoon#frye splatoon#marie splatoon#marina splatoon#octavio splatoon#pearl splatoon#shiver splatoon#splatoon 2#splatoon 3#splatoon 3 fanart#splatoon big man#splatoon callie#splatoon frye#splatoon marina#splatoon pearl#splatoon shiver#grandfest#i-have-art-block#my art#original art
125 notes
·
View notes
Text
pete & andy @ the iheartradio music awards
#fall out boy#fob#pete wentz#andy hurley#my edits#my gifs#fobedit#i want to make more gifs from the speech but these two took me no joke at least three hours so. maybe another day </3
378 notes
·
View notes
Text
POV: you roll up to your boyfriend's house to take that sweet new truck of his up to the lake on a trip you've been planning for a while but then his old scientist friend shows up out of nowhere in a delorean and the strangest fit ever and tells you two to get in and then the thing starts flying(??) and travels 30 years into the future(???) where supposedly your boyfriend and you are married now(??) and then you black out and wake up in your house but it's definitely not YOUR house and you can't leave because there's no HANDLES on the FREAKING DOORS and then you get greeted by your future son(???) (who looks exactly like your boyfriend by the way) (and so does your daughter?) (where the fuck did your genes go??? are his just that strong?? did we clone him???) (also you have a daughter by the way) and learn that your boyfriend (husband?) gets into this terrible accident that causes him to give up his lifelong passion and then you witness him commit fraud and get fired via two dozen fax machines and then when you finally get to escape you immediately run into yourself 30 years older(??????) and it's so shocking that you black out AGAIN and when your boyfriend wakes you up he's dressed like a cowboy for some reason(??) and then you almost get into that accident you learned about earlier but it's fine because your boyfriend received some character growth along with that odd cowboy fit of his apparently and he takes you to the train tracks to show you the wreckage of the flying delorean you got into earlier (and yes, it WAS a time machine and all of that was DEFINITELY REAL and NOT A DREAM) and now the weird cowboy fit makes a lot more sense, and then all of a sudden there's a flying train now too(??) and your boyfriend's old scientist friend pops out with an entire new family(???) and when you ask him about the fax you nicked from the future because like, he's the one who made the damn machine surely he has answers, he ends up telling you a really inspirational piece of advice, actually, and then his flying time machine train takes off in the blink of an eye and THEN suddenly your boyfriend has the worst adrenaline crash anyone has ever experienced ever and now you're standing in an empty railroad among the wreckage of a car-turned-time-machine with your boyfriend in your arms and absolutely no clue what decisions you made in your life could have possibly led up to this. your name is jennifer parker and you have just experienced the weirdest, most absurd hour of consciousness in your entire life.
loosely inspired by this fic i read! please check it out :] and while you're at it check out the rest of this author's fics :] im a big fan of the one where marty is a ghost
#jennifer parker#marty mcfly#back to the future#bttf#bttf fanart#that took me at least half an hour to write LMAO. she's really going through it#this was all off the top of my head too so if something in there don't seem right. oops :p#jennifer you were barely in the movies at all but ily <3#the bit at the end is from that one post yknow the one#kit does an art#kit read a fic and is making it your problem#<- bc i will be drawing more from fics ive read and those are going to be a lot less loosely based than this one#kit yap session#<- for that unit of a sentence i wrote lmao
143 notes
·
View notes
Text
BREAKING NEWS: One Of New York's Turtle Teen Hero Re-injures Shell After An Absolute Failure Of A Stunt, Given Mocking Awards as Punishment (and House Arrest)
"He never learns." Local veteran haunted by a phantom of his dead brother laments.
'The face of regret' [Photo: Leonardo Hamato]
(Inspo from @viejonardo. Dudes behind it are a goldmine for drawing ideas)
#kurseds art stuff#rottmnt#rottmnt leonardo#rottmnt leo#couldnt help it#it amused me i had to put it into (digital) paper#Took like an hour and a to make this I think#pretty surprising cuz most of the time it takes me like at least 3 to make a drawing
95 notes
·
View notes
Text
"finally, mine. heh, and it looks better than both of yours."
"uhhh, mine and dust's are both in the same style, same everything. like, there's not even that much different about yours, horror."
"yeah, but it's me."
"i hope an alternate version of you gets severely mischaracterized irreparably."
"... damn."
💜/💙/❤️
#killer got sick of horror's shit through all of this series#this is me also me getting sick of horror because it took me 3 fucking hours to find a pose for this one#go look at killer's one in this stupid series i made too because i fucked up the posting time for that one#i actually think that out of all of these killer's was my favorite#like she just looks so fucking cunty how can i NOT like it#but like composition wise i like dust's. i make use of all the space in that one#except the issue with killer's is that i made a bunch of mistakes in it#i always do this the first one always looks best and then i can't replicate that amazingnes in the other two#ESPECIALLY horror's figuring out a pose and composition and gimmick with this was like pulling my teeth out#horror's watching chibi killer struggle in amusement while she tries not to fall onto the axe below#its a bit sadistic but horror'll catch chibi killer if she falls. she's just a bit evil like that#i gotta admit horror's outfit out of all the jk trio is my least favorite because it's lowkey kinda boring#idk. so i did the cool cardigan off the shoulder thing to add interest to the design#im just goofing about the severe mischaracterizations i dont care all that much#everyone is allowed to have their own fandom interpretations and varients of sans aus!!!! everything is an AU this is the AU fandom#as long as you know its not canon then make horror into an uwu catboy for all i care!!! as long as youre having fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i love subjective fanon interpretations FAR too much to ever shit on them. everyone has their own ideas and i love it#tricule art#jk fashion au#horror sans#killer sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#bad sanses#bad sans gang#nightmare's gang#undertale au#undertale multiverse
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
Undertale yellow flowey embroidery
This took about 40 hours, give or take a few
#I can tell you one thing#Embroidering while having arthritis is really not a piece of cake. When you hand cramps just by holding it at an angle.#At least I can be grateful for my empty schedule#Makes embroidering till the sun rises back up so much easier#Insomnia also helps with this task#I was listening to the ost while working on it and… Live reaction#Occupied turf is so good actually !? Why wasn’t it shown more often !? IT’S FIRE !?#I forgot I only did a pacifist so I got so confused when neutral Flowey came out…#A mother’s love ? Should’ve called this “I’m gonna fuck you up”#The number of time I got my ass handed back to me in this fight is not even funny#The first time is great. The second I only discern my favorites and the sudden change in style. By the third loop I can’t recognize shit#my brain is melting and my eyes are on fire…#Advantages on doing it during daytime. Eyes hurt less. Good stupid tv to listen to in the background Disadvantages. People#Advantages on doing it at night. Alone. Personally work better at night#Disadvantages. No good TV. Time goes by slower…? I don’t know maybe I’m just loosing it with those freaking petals#For reference one petal took me about 3 and a half hours. So yeah… I thought it would never end… Took out almost all my yellow.#When the line tangles itself in the back and you realize only close to the end of it that half went missing#So you have to go backward to entangle it and loose 30 mins because damn it#Cats are not helpful in any of those scenarios#Why do I feel the need to make the back perfect when nobody else but me will know#This is the last time I do one so big without thinking it through#Note to self. Don’t do it standing up when the cats are awake. She just destroyed my stomach#I think i’m losing it#Back after a few weeks#God this white thread is doing my head in… I’m willing to bet my leg half the time I spent on the face was me untangling it.#I’m almost done. It’s finally over. Dark brown took exactly 4 h and 13 mins#undertale#undertale yellow#embroidery#I’m thinking of doing Boris the wolf next. Because I just found the perfect rendition to put on my wall
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
i did it u_u
#actually rather pleased with my Bronze Age abstract#Advisor is going to demolish the Other one but that's okay because I at least did something so I got the practice and I can sleep now.#It's kind of funny I was writing the Bronze Age one and I can already feel the struggle of compressing a dissertation's worth#of information into 15 minutes. Like ffs I'm supposed to speedrun oil as an extraction reductant and also talk about Egypt's alum trade?#But this is My Fault. I have done this to myself.#Okay but I'm already bubbling with excitement to talk about Leather Tanning again. Nobody was here when I went on this massive#5 hour long rabbit hole of leather tanning research because... I think I was trying to find out if you could use mushroom collagen#to replicate leather? (The answer is yes.) But it took me down this road of Leather tanning because I was trying to understand the#ion exchange that makes it supple and TLDR there's this massive exploitative industry in the Middle East and Southeast Asia that uses#Cobalt salts because the Co 3+ sits really nicely in the collagen site and you can quickly dye and destroy most of the organics from the#animal itself; but because of that you've also destroyed the texture of the leather. I forget why Al 3+ isn't used. I think it's because it#weathers over time and the leather becomes stiff and hard again. Same with Fe3+. ANYWAY. Try and find thick leather when you#do buy leather because leather IS great and I will die(dye) on this hill. But it's the exploitative textile industry that causes problems.#Honestly I've forgotten 90% of the chemistry but it's so fucking cool and a really interesting peek into an organic affected by inorganics#rather than affecting an inorganic mineral with organics. UGH I love chemistry so much. It's so fucking cool.#ptxt#christ this might be my worst tag essay lol
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
haha between how stressful and busy work is & how overwhelmed by school i am, i got a zero on an assignment because we were so overloaded with work and i missed one of the assignments due for the module yesterday. brb going to go cry and drag my butt back into indesign. consider me afk for a lil' while longer.
#𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 ⠀⠀(⠀ⅰ.⠀)⠀⠀𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑:⠀⠀ಇ⠀⠀oh-kae!#i just finished packing up the rest of our old office at work#that we're leasing back out#and that i had to move out. by myself. <3#i am so beyond physically tired.#and i already spent hours upon hours at the start of the week and last night working on assignments.#bc i'm just trying to manage it after working all day every day too.#i took a half day today at least to get on top of it but getting that pop up notif for my 0 grade really just.#is pushing me over the edge LOL.#my mind is so beyond fried right now i wanna cry.#it brought me down from a 98.7% to a 95% which i know is still good but.#i'm an academic over achiever and this makes me want to die. <3
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#day 4 on bupropion#i need to vent. bc today was mostly decent. cause at least i could control my emotions and not cry at every little thing#but ended just as badly as i was feeling yesterday. i feel rly sad rn#when im productive i feel great but when im trying to relax? i feel like i need to find something productive to do immediately.#its like i need to do everything but i have no desire to do anything#im like. lying in bed at 2 am grieving my hyperfixations hard. been crying for the past 3 hours#bc i just cant sit down and enjoy anything without feeling like im forcing myself. and i already miss feeling things when i play video game#idk if i can do the 4-6 weeks of this before side effects normalize. everyone says it gets better#and even that is making me feel guilty bc it took me this long to get help and i already want to quit on my first week#i have an appointment with my dr on friday but fuck. the last 3 nights have felt like weeks. its so hard falling asleep.#it really doesn't help that this med is making me. stupid. i have about 10 seconds worth of memory before the thought is deleted#literally forgetting what i'm talking about midway through a sentence#but hey. at least my memory is so bad i cant remember what i did today and overthink every action. i guess.#and maybe tmi. but my libido is gone... like completely nonexistent now#some people literally take this shit to help w a low libido!!! but for me it is doing the exact opposite!!! what is wrong with my body#and to top it off i can't drink even a half cup of coffee without panic attacks. i miss iced coffee already :(#cant enjoy shit anymore and my adhd feels 10 times worse than it did before bc i can't sit still to save my life.#anyway im yapping so much but i need to because im feeling so alone#some side affects im getting r common and manageable but some are pretty uncommon and its hard finding anyone who relates...
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Poems/books for being seventeen?
Silas Denver Melvin, from Grit
I saw an exquisite pink and blue shell on the sea-bottom. I dove for it, and held it, smooth and hollow in my hand all the morning. I decided it was a lucky charm, and that I would keep it. I am surprised that I have not lost it, for I lose everything. Today it is still pink and warm as it lies in my palm, and makes me feel like crying.
Françoise Sagan, from Bonjour Tristesse (1954) // movie still from Bonjour Tristesse (1958)
Kara Jackson, Teenagers Are Not Exempt From Poetry (read full prose piece here)
Some recommendations of books I’ve read that deal with girlhood or being a teenager (not my faves, but enjoyable. Probably wouldn’t read them again, but objectively literature that might be of interest to you):
Brutes — Dizz Tate
The Virgin Suicides — Jeffrey Eugenides
The Ice Palace — Tarjei Versaas
Teenage Wasteland — Anne Tyler
Normal People — Sally Rooney
My Dark Vanessa — Kate Elizabeth Russell
We Were Liars — E. Lockhart
my notes on each recommendation:
SEVENTEEN: Exactly what being seventeen felt like to me. He has absolutely beautiful poetry on age, Seventeen is the first of those in the collection. I’ve loved measuring my growth by how I relate to these poems. You can download the entire collection for free, just check out his account @sweatermuppet, I’m sure he has a link somewhere (or drop him an ask)! One of my favourite collections, it really embodies the feeling of being young, so the rest of the poems might also be of interest to you. I find myself rereading them all of the time. Love your work, Silas! Can’t wait for more poetry
BONJOUR TRISTESSE: I don’t remember the protagonist’s age exactly, but the author was seventeen when she wrote it. Very breezy, very summery, contains the whole spectrum of teenage emotions, from raging anger to audacious freedom. The protagonist is both astute and very childish. This book is so obviously written by a teenager, and I mean this as the highest compliment. You don’t get adults writing about being seventeen like that. She is seventeen. Seventeen is this story’s essence. I haven’t seen the movie, but it’s on my watchlist. Heard it’s good though!
TEENAGERS ARE NOT EXEMT FROM POETRY: I read this the other day and think it would have been very affirming for teenage me, who felt insecure about reading and writing poetry. Some lines really stuck with me and I think the writer’s youthful voice captures the solace teenagers might find in poetry very well. There is a freshness to that discovery. I remember reading Ginsberg for the first time and life feeling ten times wider even though my English was not broad enough for me to understand his work in its entirety. Discovering art at that age is a privilege, I believe most people will struggle to feel the same awe and wonder in later years. The author of this prose piece mentions many different poems that might interest you!
BRUTES: Read it last year and honestly found it kind of disappointing. Very interesting style, though, as most (all?) of it is written from the perspective of a group of teenage girls, using ‘we’ and ‘us’ instead of ‘I’ and ‘me’. I think I would have liked it a thousand times more, had I read it earlier in life. Fantastic book cover
THE VIRGIN SUICIDES: Very obviously written by a man, but nevertheless an interesting study of teenage love and obsession (there’s an excellent movie adaptation by Sophia Coppola!)
THE ICE PALACE: If I remember correctly, the protagonists are younger than seventeen, but it’s a very moving story about how young people grieve. Norwegian author, which I found very interesting, as I haven’t read a lot of Scandinavian literature
TEENAGE WASTELAND: Not for me, this one! But you might have different taste. After reading some reviews, it seems like people either hate or love this short story
NORMAL PEOPLE: I am not a huge Sally Rooney fan, but I do understand why people adore her so much. I thought Conversations With Friends was a better book, but that’s partly because I found it more relatable. Normal People is a very intelligent story on young love, class differences and the reality of many relationships. The opposite of a ‘happily ever after’ book, left me feeling unresolved and unsatisfied, as I believe it intended
MY DARK VANESSA: I’m not sure if recommending this too a teenager is wise, but it is certainly a very good book. Heavy stuff, though. Deals with emotional manipulation and violence directed at a teenaged girl in form of a predatory relationship. Rarely read something that made me feel so uneasy by manipulating me as the reader. I read it as a teen and it impressed me very much! Be safe, please. If you are easily disturbed, check any content warnings!
WE WERE LIARS: Something suspenseful that will suck you in, a summer-y and kind of light book. Definitely entertainment literature, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Probably won’t change your life, but also won’t bore you. Cool friendship dynamics between teenagers!
#I really took my time curating this list for you! I hope you’ll find something you’ll like :-)#I know being seventeen is difficult. for me it was the year I graduated Highschool and tasted the freedom of adult life for the first time#i was also the angriest I had ever been at 17 I think. it can be a frustrating and lonely age#all I can say is that it really does pass! the anger will eventually fade (for me it did at least)#its frustrating to be on the brink between childhood and adulthood. try and remember that its liminal state and not your damnation <3#a liminal state*#sorry if you didn’t want advice! hope this list makes you feel seen & provides you with some good hours of reading!#also if anyone else read this post I’d love to do more of these! specific recommendations are so much fun#book recommendations#literature recommendation#recommendations#girlhood#seventeen#on girlhood#on being seventeen#on childhood#on growing up#bonjour tristesse#french literature#literature#poetry#books#litblr#grit#webweaving#web weaving#intertextuality#mine#my recommendations#my reading
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
man with no sense of rhythm shocked when he finds out he sucks at a game with rhythm in its name
#i love how act 1 took me less than an hour while it took at least an hour for each level in act 2 except for 2-2#AND OH MY FUCKING GOD WAS I WIGGLING LIKE AN EXCITED LITTLE WORM WHEN I FINALLY BEAT 2-X#I FUCKING LOVE THIS GAME#I FUCKING LOVE ACT 2#I FUCKING LOVE THE DEVS FOR MAKING 2-3 AND 2-X#LIKE HELLO???#2-x took me like 5 hours? to beat:dontmakefunofmety#but I will not touch act 3 until I perfect it and get at least an A on every other other level#also im suppose to be a romance hater but cocole……… i am so normal about them#rhythm doctor
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg
#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather#watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the café was full to bursting#and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about#gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO#wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this#to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend#i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play#which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show#and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm#and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am#and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day#and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down#'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol#and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me#to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god.#i cant do this lol#i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours#and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh wow just saw flatmate messaged saying another friend passed smth on like oh okay. I didn't realise he went too u didn't say. in fact none of u said anything to me so that's great
#he lives hours away thats a lot of travel just for drinks#when she asked me she said it was her + one other person. going out for drinks in evening.#but clearly she took the day off work bc ghosts dont do laundry. so it was a whole day trip. so why tell me it was just drinks#unless she just wanted a good excuse for me not to come. okay 👍#i cant even make myself mad abt it like fair enough man. i get it.#and if last weekend is anything to go off she probably wont ask me at all in the future#well as long as they have fun it doesnt matter i guess. im tired of feeling like im just intruding in everyones lives#and everyone fucking lying like what u say doesnt line up with how u act i can tell its not real im not that fucking stupid#ive dealt with this so many times before average autistic experience im tired of naively believing ppl and then the rug being pulled#sorry for being the way i am and for wanting things and for trying to take up space i give up its not worth it anyway#at least this is giving me smth to feel shit abt instead of just formless malaise. makes it easier to deal with that way#anyway. just need to get my shit enough together to leave the house by 3 so i can pick up this stuff for work#and i can do most of my other chores tmr so thats fine#i hate how much fucking time i waste feeling awful. no wonder other ppl have time to watch n read n create n whatever so much more than me#half of my fucking life is spent in my head trying and failing to emotionally regulate im so so sick of it#i wish i never had to think a single thought again and maybe id be happy#jesus fucking christ. well i need to leave my room soon bc i need to pee im not depressed enough to piss in a bucket just yet#hope i never get to that stage again amen uni was pretty fucking dire#.vent#hate weekends so fucking much what a waste of free time
2 notes
·
View notes