#This is probably more context than you really needed for a really stupid joke but you can have it anyway

[herbertwest]

What is the name of Rumpelstiltskin's mom?

Mumpelstiltskin.

[puddinqinq]

Could I maybe request a nsfw alphabet for Naruto and Sasuke. <33

Nsfw alphabet ft. Naruto & Sasuke!

A/n: thanks for being my first ask! ♡ sorry if it's a bit short, this is my first time with nsfw 😭🩷

Naruto Uzumaki -

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex): He tries his best! He's super full of energy, and sometimes forget you're tired after sex. Let him know what you need and he's got it for you! His favorite part of aftercare is probably holding you and talking.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): His favorite part of himself is probably his hands! Whether in a sexual context or not, he loves touching you. His favorite part of you is your face, he loves looking at the expressions you make!

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person): He loves finishing on your face, or in your mouth!

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): He REALLY wants to fuck you with his shadow clones.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?): Moderately? He's had a couple partners since becoming more popular in the village. He has to be told what you like!

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying.): He's often all over you at random times, he likes going at it against the wall.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc): He's very silly, it's in his nature!

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.): Naruto doesn't shave. He's not a fan. His hair is just a bit darker than the ones on his head!

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…): Naruto can be intimate, but oftentimes can't be serious. That doesn't mean he doesn't find it romantic, he just likes cracking jokes and giggling throughout sex!

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon): He masturbates a lot, even with a partner. Very very easily worked up.

K = Kink (one of their kinks): Praise 100%, he lives for your affection and compliments.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do): On the wall or over a counter... Often too impatient to make it to bed.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): Praising him about nearly anything! He's immediately all over you.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): Naruto refuses to degrade, he'd feel too guilty afterwards.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc): Prefers to receive, but is never opposed to giving!

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.): Fast! He's naturally very hyper, and sometimes will need to be told to slow down.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.): Loves them! He gets to set a fast pace and get things done before having to head out on a mission, go out, etc.!

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.): He'll experiment if you want to! He's plenty happy with his sex life as it is, but would try most things at least once if asked.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…): Lots of stamina! He lasts pretty long and can go for multiple rounds without needing a break (please...tell him if you need a second).

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?): Not really, he doesn't see a need for them. He doesn't mind you having any, but won't go out of his way to use them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): Huge tease! Even if it's stupid icha icha paradise quotes it's his mission to fluster you. Once he discovers edging it's definitely his favorite thing.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make): Surprisingly I don't think he'd be very loud, talkative sure. But he's more likely to groan and grunt quietly.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice): He goes way, way rougher on you if he feels shown up my Sasuke.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words): about 5.5 inches, but pretty thick. Veiny.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): Incredibly high, he's almost always down for anything.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): Doesn't fall asleep for a while, but tries to once you're asleep.

-

Sasuke Uchiha -

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex): So attentive! Constantly asking if you're alright and if he can get anything for you. Has water and a cloth on standby for you!

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): He likes his eyes most. Not only as a pride thing but because whenever you compliment them it fills him with so much joy. He says he loves every part of you equally, but I think he's an ass guy in (not so) secret.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person): He's absolutely without question into breeding. Restoring the clan and all of that.. If you ask him not to of course he'll comply but other wise he'll ask to finish inside.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): He may or may not steal some of your clothes to bring with him on travels, and jerk off while smelling them.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?): I'd say he's pretty experienced, many women find him wildly attractive.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual): Missionary, he loves looking into your eyes!

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc): He's very serious. Naruto's exact opposite, he sometimes makes a sarcastic remark but otherwise he's not one for jokes.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.): He trims and sometimes shaves, both hair colors are the same!

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…): Very very romantic! He wants to make it special for you most of the time, even if you've been together long.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon): Not too often actually. Only if he really really misses you! Otherwise, it's incredibly rare.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks): Breeding, obviously. He loses his control at the thought of you having his children.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do): 100% the bed, he's normally going out of his way to take things to the bedroom if you both aren't there already.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): Talks about wanting kids, and smelling you. If you have a perfume you often wear or shampoo you use he's buying you more the moment you run out.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): He hates the idea of causing you any pain, even light slaps make him feel awful.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc): He prefers to give! He's okay dying if it's between your thighs. Sometimes you'd have to pry him off of you after he starts, Sasuke is a determined man.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.): Sasuke is slow and sensual, he may speed up towards the end but is more into the intimate aspect of sex.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.): Absolutely not a fan. Maybe if he's in a rush and especially worked up, but even then he wouldn't feel as satisfied.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.): He's okay trying what you want! He doesn't have many specific things he'd like to try. Maybe temperature play. Not risky at all.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…): Pretty high stamina, a lot like Naruto! Lasts pretty long and for a good amount of rounds.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?): Is out too much to use toys, really. He likes using vibrators on you when he's home, though!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): He's wrapped around your finger, if you want something he won't deny you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make): He's a lot more vocal when he's close, otherwise it's an occasional grunt (sometimes you wonder if he's even enjoying it... He is.)

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice): I think he's blunt about what he wants. He's likely to straight up tell you, "I want to have sex". Pretty honest guy!

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words): About 7 inches, not very thick. Upward curve.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): I don't actually think it's very high! He likes it, yeah, but his libido is a bit below average. He doesn't mind whenever you want, though. You often may have to take initiative.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): Not very quickly. He holds you until you're asleep but stays up thinking or looking at you before he finally closes his eyes.

[gomtotemeal]

They built the world’s largest salad. The whole thing was set up in a park about an hour away from our home so my wife Diane convinced me that it might be fun to go see it.

“Deb and Gary are going this afternoon and so I thought we’d ride over there with them.”

“Will there be any left?”

“Oh, it’s not to eat,” said Diane. “It’s like an art piece. The Guinness World Records people will be there.”

On the way over, I started to talk about a Cobb salad I had at this place near my office that was pretty big.

“I usually eat only about half of it.”

“Well, I’m sure this one is much bigger than that,” said Gary.

“Jesus Christ, Gary. I wasn’t implying that I thought the Cobb salad I had was bigger than this salad. It’s just that all of this giant salad business has me thinking about large salads I’ve had before. God!”

“It was a joke,” said Gary. “Calm down.”

But I could tell from the muscles in his face that Gary was lying. Deb quickly chimed in with a request to hear about more of the big salads I’d had, but I was over it. The mood had been ruined.

“Forget it,” I said. “Let’s just get this thing over with.”

The salad was huge. According to a series of laminated signs, we learned that all of the produce had come by way of donations from local farmers and then a college in New York had commissioned a handful of artists to construct a gigantic ceramic bowl to put everything in.

We took pictures and afterwards I bought a t-shirt at the gift shop. It was powder blue with a graphic of the gigantic salad pasted right on the front. On the back was the date and city.

In the car, Gary said that the salad on my t-shirt just looked like a regular-sized salad.

“Bullshit,” I said. “It’s huge.”

“Well maybe it’s huge because you know that it’s huge,” said Diane. “But to someone who doesn’t know what it is, I can see how it looks like a regular salad.”

I looked at it again and realized that they were right. How could I have allowed myself to be seduced by the context of such a limited reality? The only place a gigantic salad can truly exist is sitting there right in front of you! Even photos were a stretch. I stifled my anger and humiliation with short breaths and concentrated on the scenery so as not to rip the t-shirt in half in a blind rage.

Gary had made me look like a fool twice in a span of mere hours and I desperately needed to restore balance. That night, I sat in my study and replayed the day’s events in my mind. Surely, Gary had to have slipped up somewhere and said or done something dumb.

“Diane,” I said. “Wake up.”

“God, what time is it?”

“Remember when we first saw the salad? Remember what Gary said?”

“I don’t know.”

“He said that the salad was so big that he’d need a pitchfork to eat it! Remember?”

She thought about it. “I guess. I really don’t remember.”

“He did say it! Ha! What an idiot!”

I clapped my hands together.

“Because, Diane. The ingredients were standard-sized ingredients. It was only the salad itself that was huge.”

“So.”

“So why the pitchfork?! Does Gary suddenly have a gigantic head with such a gigantic mouth that a regular fork won’t do? God, he’s so stupid! Isn’t he stupid, Diane?”

“I don’t know what your problem is with Gary.”

“I don’t have a problem with Gary! I just have a problem with an idiot who thinks that large portions automatically correlate with large utensils. I mean, Christ Diane! What an idiot!”

I could see that my wife wanted me to leave, but I wasn’t done yet.

“Why, that would be like thinking that…” I paused, a grin plastered to my face, and tried to think of a similar example containing both a large food item and another large utensil. But it wouldn’t come to me.

“It would be like what?” asked Diane.

“Nothing! I’ll think of it later.”

In the early hours of the morning, Gary was awakened by an anonymous phone call from the payphone outside of a nearby liquor store.

“Hello?”

“If someone gave you a gigantic sundae, you’d probably try to eat it with a snow shovel!”

 Click.

[alicesmindpalace]

I've decided that I'm gonna take the excuse of Anthony's birthday 🎂 as a chance to make a quick post to explain why I love and respect this guy so much.

For context, I have been a Smosh fan since 2013 and as you can imagine, it's been a real rollercoaster 😆, but I am glad I stuck around because in the end it was really worth it.

I think the main reason why I am still around and I'm still here in my late 20's (yeah, I'm old lol) is that Ian and Anthony as people more than as creators, always kinda hit a little different for me.

Ian and Anthony are so precious to me, and I will never shut up about how Anthony deserve a lot more praise and understanding.

Because sure, being good looking in our society is a big advantage but being known as "the hot one" in a comedy duo isn't that easy. Anthony's contributions get overlooked often because of this dumb old mindset and I think it's really unfair tbh.

Anthony has a great sense of humor, even if he doesn't make jokes 24/7 he can immediately recognize what makes something funny, hone in on it and use it to make the situation funnier. He built a media empire doing that if you really think about it! He really found a golden goose and immediately knew what to make of it. Anthony and Ian BOTH (that's right both) have a great sense of humor and it's very compatible, which is why Smosh became a thing imo.

Of course, the best part of this is that you can't have a sense of humor and be stupid, it's impossible, you can be funny and be an idiot yeah, but having a sense of humor needs quick thinking, an ability to recognize subtle patterns, the contradictions, making unexpected connections all of that good stuff, which means that these two guys are also really intelligent.

Which makes sense because Anthony was already building websites when most of the people his age were clicking around on Newgrounds. He created two successful buissness form scratch, boy is smart! 🙌

He came from nothing and got to where is now which is very impressive.

That's also why another thing that I respect about him, is that he almost never mentions how hard it's been for him during his childhood or uses it to gain sympathy even though it would be really easy to do it. He only mentioned the difficult situation at home and his mother's problems a few times in all these years on camera. He still is mentally struggling these days because he didn’t have an easy life but he doesn't use it to get pity or attention, like a lot of people on the internet do.

He really is one of the only remaining unproblematic internet creators that there are left and he managed to be one of them for decades.

There is no dirt on him. He is a nice person and that's probably the most important thing for me tbh and the reason why I could never just forget of Ian and Anthony or get over them or just swap them for some else. Finding Smosh to me felt as mind blowing as finding two four leaves clovers right next to each other.

Even when things went south and they separated, they were never spiteful or malicious, like (a lot of) other people are in these situations, and both handled it with so much respect. They could have made up stuff and thrown shade or dirt to make themselves appear in the right but they didn't. We maybe not know all the details but even just the way they still love and think of each other now after the worst went down tells you who they really were and are as people behind close doors.

I have so much more to say but it would get too long, so, yeah, this is (part lol) of the reason I love and respect Anthony Padilla so much.

These are only my thoughts of course, I'm talking for me, but I hope you enjoyed (will probably do one for Ian's birthday as well and talk about more of the reason Ianthony are my all time favorites 🤞).

[raedshadowlegends]

Why Lore Olympus and Miraculous Ladybug are the Same Thing but in Different Fonts

Good evening, good day, hello and howdy. I am INCREDIBLY bored and I'm here to go on a nonsensical tangent about two pieces of media that I hate and have dedicated a vast amount of my free time to. This is all in good fun and all of my rudeness is intended to be satirical and/or comical unless indicated otherwise.

Now just to preface, if you know me then you know how much I dislike Miraculous Ladybug. Folks in my circle got to watch as I descended into madness writing a 64k word review on season 5. So I've spent an uncomfortable amount of time dissecting this show.

I have also spent an uncomfortable amount of time engaging with the shitshow that is Lore Olympus. And now my ass is gonna try and compare the two because there's a lot of shit going on here.

None of this is going to matter and it's all in good fun. Like I said, I am bored. And sometimes it's fun to compare stuff you hate.

Now let the insanity ensue. FP spoilers and MLB s5 spoilers below the cut btw.

To get a major difference out of the way, Miraculous Ladybug is a tv show. Lore Olympus is a webcomic.

But mediums aside, these two things still have a lot in common. So for the first comparison, I'd like to talk about the insecurity in both properties.

Insecurity

What I define as insecurity in this context is a piece of media that is too afraid to commit or adhere to a certain tone, story, style, etc. In short-- they don't know what they want to be.

Insecurity in Lore Olympus is a bit more obvious than with Miraculous so I'm gonna rant about that first.

Lore Olympus just straight up does not have a story to tell.

There are too many random ass plots being added and discarded on a whim for it to be a coherent story. A good way to explain it is kinda like this-- In this episode of LO, something cool new and interesting is set up and you have to keep reading to see what happens! And then nothing ever happens. Or it happens because the audience won't let the author forget so there's a half-assed attempt to wrap up that plot point.

LO is so insecure about what it is, it feels the need to add more and more to make it actually something. But what it is is a hollow story that lacks substance. So all of these new random plot points are kinda like bandaid solutions if that makes sense.

There are so many unfinished/under-utilized plot points that if you were to count out each and every one, you'd probably keel over dead before you finished. There's that many.

It's too insecure to commit to any one of them in the grand scheme of things.

I don't know how coherent all of that was so here's a shitty tl;dr

LO doesn't know what it wants to say anymore so it's just adding more shit to keep the reader "invested."

Yeah ok I think that makes more sense. As for Miraculous...

God. I fucking hate Miraculous.

It's insecure as hell and you can smell that shit from ten miles away. It's insecure with it's premise, I think.

If it just kept to the simple "monster-of-the-week" formula, I do not think I would have written so many words on it's fifth season.

Miraculous (apparently) had a grander story to tell beyond the "monster-of-the-week revert back to the status quo each episode."

But we don't see any of that in full swing till season 3, really. Which is a long ass time to get the ball rolling imo.

It's a little jarring to see the show go from the stupid kid status quo adventures to a heavy and emotional story??? And I say heavy and emotional with the most sarcastic tone possible because the only emotion I feel watching this shit is rage.

Despite wanting to make that shift to a serialized type of show, Miraculous was too scared to stray from the successful status quo format.

To explain a bit more I wanna talk about my review of the season.

While it is mostly filled with rude jokes and incomprehensible jargon, I bring up a lot of points in it regarding the state of things.

One of those things being the show's hesitancy to move the story along.

The fifth season was supposed to be a grand final battle and a conclusion to this story arc. But it was too scared to commit to that so there's way more episodes that are nothing but shipping fodder.

There are many episodes that season that just... feel the same. Just with different coats of paint. "Marinette is trying to date Adrien but she's awkward and clumsy and oh no! shenanigans ensue!" We've been doing this for 8 years.

If they want to tell a serialized story then they need to grow some balls and cut the shit we've seen a million times before.

Their insistence to stick to the status quo makes the writing exceptionally weak downright painful to sift through. It was too scared, too insecure, to stray from its formula.

That's a part of the reason why I think the season is paced so bad. There's so little time spent on the interesting parts of the story because they had to cram in as much shipping shit as possible. So by proxy, there was less time to tell a good story.

Both of these stupid ass properties don't know what they want to be. There are too many things being added and not enough balls to commit to any of them.

Now with both LO and MLB, we can all agree that the writing is pretty shit. Nothing new there. But shitty writing often bleeds into the characters and making them shitty by exposure. Almost like a spill of toxic waste, infecting anything near it and turning into a rotten pile of sludge and chemicals.

So yeah, the characters are ass as well. But I only wanna complain about the female leads for both of these things.

But just to mention Adrien and Hades, they are pretty similar. I won't go into detail but the short of it is, "Character with deep seated issues that could have been interesting, has a lot of potential, but is just kinda garbage in the end."

At least Adrien Agreste isn't monetizing death and has a bunch of shades in his basement doing his work.

Persephone and Marinette

So I always say that I don't like using the term 'Mary Sue' to describe a character. But as it turns out, I use that term a lot. So I'm not gonna lie about that anymore.

These two characters are Mary Sues.

Persephone first

Oh my god I hate Persephone a lot. She just ticks every box on my list of 'THINGS I HATE IN A CHARACTER.'

Which is funny because her character had a lot of promise and heart in the beginning.

I related to her a LOT when I picked up this comic before my frontal cortex developed. I related with her character and her struggles. Especially after the Apollo incident. That really stuck out to me. It was so powerful.

But all of those tiny things I liked about her character were stripped away. Her ambition to study in school? Poof, gone. Her charm? Not charming anymore. That kindness everyone in the story gushes about? I don't even think it was there in the first place.

Truth be told, I do need to reread this comic because the beginning is fuzzy as fuck in my walnut-sized brain. But I can tell you for certain that the way she was in the beginning is not who she is now.

And this isn't the case of a character going through an arc and developing and changing. She's just getting worse and the narrative treats it as a GOOD THING.

"Oh yeah, Persephone trashed Leuce's apartment instead of talking to her husband like an adult. She threatened to kill this nymph but you're supposed to find that endearing." Like, what??? I will not have a story try and get me to believe this is a good thing.

If this were a good story, Persephone's actions in that episode WOULDN'T BE REWARDED. But she's rewarded with sex for being a fucking psychopath towards a random nymph. Wow.

And that leads into my next point-- she can never be in the wrong ever.

AOW? Retconned, not her fault. It wasn't her fault she killed all those people. It's actually Eris' fault because she gave her wrath.

Trashing Leuce's apartment? She was in the right for that, apparently.

Killing people in a famine during the 10 year banishment? That's never explored, we just know she killed people, burned a library or something, and probably shot the president too. But it's fine, she's the good guy.

And most recently (and potentially the most frustrating);

Persephone causes winter.

Not her mother, Demeter, no fuck the myths. Persephone is the one who caused winter actually. AND SHE DID IT ON ACCIDENT SO TECHNICALLY IT IS NOT HER FAULT CAUSE SHE DIDNT MEAN TOOOO UWU She also probably killed a million flower nymphs in that snap freeze but its ok it doesn't matter.

WHAT?

WHAT THE FUCK? CMON NOW.

She's not going to receive any consequences for anything because she is just too perfect.

She's smarter than Athena, prettier than Aphrodite, better than her mother in every way, all the boys want her, she has a perfect body, she's pink, her eyes go red when she's angy, she has the most power of everyone in the world, she's a super rare fertility goddess, she has all the gifts, all the blessings, and none of the development.

It almost feels like a wattpad fanfic.

"My mom doesn't like me so she sold me to one direction and then I became queen of the underworld."

Yeah, I don't like her.

And the same can be applied to Marinette!

A character who is so blatantly perfect, the narrative fucking BENDS TO HER WILL.

She's a creepy ass stalker and has done some weird ass things to get close to this random famous white boy and it's all excused.

It's literally excused.

There is a rule about character backstories. They are supposed to provide an explanation for a character's behavior, not an excuse for it.

In season 5, episode 14 - Derision, we see a bit of Marinette backstory. Some stupid bullshit happens and Marinette essentially says she isn't going to say 'I love you' to anyone unless she knows literally everything about them.

She says a lot in that stupid ass scene but it's basically just saying that all of her stalking and creepy behavior is justified. Which it is not.

Marinette can do no wrong. The narrative won't allow it.

She's perfect in every way. And even when SHE is in the wrong, characters somehow find a way to apologize to her. Either that or she turns a situation about someone else into one about her self.

She's just the perfect character who ends up saving the world.

Fuck having Chat Noir face against his dad in the finale, Marinette has to girlboss all over the place and save the day but then actually lose because the "plot" demands it.

Oh yeah and she's probably never going to tell Adrien that his abusive dad was the villain they had been fighting for months. Do you think that's a good choice? I'll give you a hint; it is not.

It makes Marinette look like a HORRIBLE character but it's painted in a way that makes the viewer believe this is the right decision.

I don't think I need to get into specifics as to why that is wrong and disgusting.

If I had to make a prediction for this show going forward, she isn't going to tell him. It's going to be forgotten and she's going to be painted as the hero.

No flaws, no accountability, nothing.

Garbage character. Fucking hate it.

Both of these characters will never see consequences for their actions. Their bad actions are either excused or retconned out of existence. And that's not how you write a character btw. If you want them to be real, give them consequences. The world should not revolve around them. They should have flaws and issues that should be explored. But apparently that's too much work.

It's funny how both of these properties claim to be about feminism and somehow completely miss what feminism is

Miraculous thinks that feminism means "Girl power! Girls are better than guys in every way!" And Lore Olympus makes no attempt to be feminist at all. Women hate other women, and they don't get a lot of opportunities to explore and express themselves.

I could get into the whole purity culture shtick but that's a shitty rant for another day.

I've been ranting about this for a while and I got the big ones out of the way, methinks. I do want to get into the creators of both of these things but that is also a rant for another day.

Cause if I got into that now, we'd be here a while.

So let me just make a final comparison and wrap things up here. I don't think any of this makes a lot of sense but I hate both things and I'm passionate about it so I'm gonna keep rambling.

Miraculous Ladybug and Lore Olympus never attempt to grow as stories. They are both scared to try new things and to stick with it. Most of the time this results in rushed writing and horribly done characters.

It's so clear that both of these things are desperate to be something great but they just can't put in the work to get there.

Honestly, they both feel like the product of a team of yes-men. Bad decisions and errors slip by WAY too often and it's kind of embarrassing.

These are popular pieces of media and they have the resources to be great but they just aren't.

They're both too insecure to make something of themselves.

It's honestly really sad and I don't want this for either of these things. I want LO to be stunning and retell the myth of Persephone with the respect it deserves. I want MLB to be a serialized show with focus on the lore. Sure it can start as episodic but it can ease us into a deeper story and intrigue the viewer. But I want it to flesh out the world and be an entertaining experience.

It's sad but it's the way it is.

Who knows, maybe MLB season 6 will be good. And maybe LO will have a 4th season and it'll fix all the problems it has.

I dunno.

Thanks for reading this incoherent nonsense.

[lemotmo]

Hopefully they listen to her warning 😬

Q. Wait all of you are saying it's never been like this before is that true? Have Oliver and Ryan really never acted this way?

Q. Yeah that video was not okay. People still haven't let Lou live down a joke he was scripted to tell. Glad we forced him to remove the video.

Q. I love you, Ali, but I think they are absolutely trolling them. Kenny, Oliver and Ryan knew exactly what they were doing and the Lou people played right into Kenny's hand. They're too new to understand how maniacal Kenny is 😅

A. Okay I included one of their asks because they actually believe they're the reason Kenny deleted the video. Okay Tommy people I'm going to take a moment to be nicer to you than you deserve because you have no idea how dangerous of a game you're about to start with Kenny. Do not, I repeat, do not be stupid enough to think you all can turn your claws on Kenny and he will take the Oliver and Ryan route of just blocking you. He won't. He will absolutely passive aggressively destroy you in content. He is the definition of chaos. He enjoyed every bit of the reaction that video got. He deleted it because it accomplished what he wanted. He deliberately didn't post it to his stories, like he usually does, because he wanted it to be found. He wanted it to be searchable. He lives to torture people. The overwhelming majority of the comments were positive. The overwhelming majority. People got the joke. And the people who didn't get it (pretended not to get it I should say) were the people he knew wouldn't get it, and those people gave him exactly what he wanted. It's one of the reasons why I'm pretty sure Lou hasn't been on set. Because Kenny is absolutely the one who would make sure to get him in the background somehow just to watch the meltdown. It's what he does. You will not beat him. And yesterday proves Oliver and Ryan are more than willing to join him. Don't start a fight that will only embarrass and alienate you further. And not that it needs repeating but you also know the scripted joke for Lou was never the problem. The joke wasn't the problem. The timing of it and the placement of it within the context of that particular episode was the problem. Everyone has been quite clear about that.

To the other anons, no Oliver and Ryan have never been like this. But we don't know that this isn't how they would have been if fox had allowed it. One of the things that the BTS stuff from last year and so far this year proves is that fox obviously muzzled the two of them. It explains why neither of them ever seemed comfortable talking about Buddie. They clearly weren't allowed to engage. For whatever reason fox wanted no part of the Oliver/Ryan or Buddie show. ABC has decidedly embraced both, and it has worked out splendidly for ABC. And Oliver and Ryan are both now merrily following Kenny right down the chaos path. As for the articles I keep getting asked about most of them have been legitimate. But what's most interesting about them is they're all worded fairly closely which means they were given a direction from someone. They have all used the word 'shift' in the framing of their articles. One or two using similar phrasing happens so that could be explained away, all of them using similar language usually indicates they got a release of some kind from the show or studio. The two jurnos who cover the show full-time clearly got some kind of directive because their stories came out on the same day and were identical in nature. We don't have anything definitive, anons, but everything that is happening now has never happened before. That probably indicates something.

Thank you Nonny!

They should listen though, because Kenny can definitely be a bit of an online troll. LOL!

I never really considered them all using the same phrasing. That's definitely something to look out for.

EDIT: When Ali speaks about 'articles', she actually means the tweets from those two journalists. She explains it better here.

Again a very interesting post Ali. Thanks!

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[strawberryraviegutz]

I really REALLY hate those kinds of stupid “hot take” posts. I think they’re just garbage to purposely farm more discourse to cause infighting, but I’ve been holding this in for so long and I need to get it out of my system so here it goes.

Alastor fans are allowed to dislike Valentino. Valentino was made to be a dislikable Villain while Alastor BY VIV’S OWN WORDS is a chaotic neutral antihero based off of Dexter with a moral code. Of course people are gonna like Alastor more than Valentino. The antihero/vigilante is a very popular beloved trope. I mean just look at Magneto and Venom.

You guys claim to want more nuanced characters but when we try and tell you that Alastor is more nuanced BASED OFF OF EVIDENCE FROM THE CREATOR and little possible context clues in the show we get accused of “babying/woobifying him”(as if Val fans haven’t done that to Val). This isn’t a hit piece against all Val fans/simps btw. I may hate that moth, but you guys should be allowed like him without receiving hate and or death threats.

It’s not “hypocrisy” to dislike Valentino or the Vees and like Alastor for the reasons I said above and the four of them aren’t comparable. Yeah they share some traits but overall the only thing Alastor and the Vees have in common are the mistreatment of the souls they own. Like I said, Val fans shouldn’t be attacked for liking him but the thing is…if you’re gonna preach those words then do the same for Alastor fans/simps because we get attacked too.

(Again it’s not all Val stans but it sure it a lot of them. I’ve all so seen Val haters do it too.) Yall claim not to harass people over fictional characters yet will go under Alastor posts and or discussion threads and be like “Uhm actually him and Valentino are the same🤓☝️”.

“He’s worse than Val” “Why can’t we just have a good villain” “Just accept that Alastor is a villain stop babying him” when we’re just minding our own business. Not to mention people going under fanart of Angel! Alastor and being like “erm actually he’d never go to heaven🤪”.

Along with yall bullying the hell out of Alastor selfshippers/simps and using tumblr sexyman as an insult(which reaks of internalized misogyny btw because majority of Alastor simps are women + women are always the first to be made fun of when it comes to characters that Classify as tumblr sexymen being found attractive by them or any character you personally wouldn’t find attractive.)

And yall going around and keep calling Alastor ugly under posts about people gushing about him and i don’t mean lighthearted jokes either because i make fun of the back of his head sometimes too. And full blown harassment. When an Alastor fan provided evidence of Alastor being a more nuanced character which were clips from Viv’s streams, people in the comments and qrts were being extremely rude and dismissive. It got so bad that op deleted the og tweet.

Don’t go around and claim to be against cringe culture but then make fun of people for finding Alastor attractive. And for goodness sake STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM A SLAVE OWNER. And yes he owns souls but that doesn’t matter.

Alastor is canonically half black and its overall disgusting to slap the label “slave owner” onto him knowing damn well that he grew up in the Jim Crow era of America in the Deep South of Louisiana. His existence as a mixed black person back then was basically considered an abomination. With how terrible it was for black people back then, Alastor probably bore witness to a lot of messed up shit growing up and if that’s the case then it’s no wonder he’s so messed up in the head.

This type of behavior has been going on since the days where we only had the pilot and it’s only gotten worse since the show came out. As soon as I saw that scene with husk and Alastor in hell’s greatest dad I automatically knew what was coming. I’m not saying that Alastor Is a good person nor am I saying that what he did to husk was ok. But to go after/make fun of Alastor fans,purposely denying evidence of his character while in the same breath preach against bullying people over liking certain characters makes YOU the hypocrites. So much for anti-harassment. I’m tired. Bye.

[cakesandfail]

Do you have any headcanons about how Vetinari ended up taking power?

Actually yes I do!

I wrote a fic about his first day in power that vaguely referenced this and while I don't have like, a fully fleshed out story, there are a few bits and pieces that I sort of bodged together from things in the books and what I personally find entertaining about him as a character:

There's a bit in Soul Music which says that there was a rat plague in Ankh-Morpork shortly before Vetinari came to power, and that his solution was "tax the rat farms". It's unclear in context whether this means he suggested it at the end of Snapcase's time in power or if it was one of the first things he did after he became Patrician. I've just gone ahead and assumed that the rat plague was the last straw for Snapcase and that actually having a good suggestion was one of the reasons Vetinari was in people's minds as a replacement

That then leads us to ask, well, what on earth was he doing there? He's been in power a fair while even by Guards Guards but chronologically must still only be in his early 40s by then, to have been in his late teens in the 30-years-ago bits of Night Watch (and he can't be older than that, because it's made fairly clear that he's in the Guild equivalent of secondary school at that time, and Vimes knows that the two of them are approximately the same age). Given his canonically hilariously long list of postgrad qualifications, he probably went straight from Assassins Guild grad school to the Oblong Office, more or less. Conclusion: he was the fucking INTERN. (or possibly working as a clerk, but calling him the intern is at least 500% funnier)

Given the running joke about him being this weird posh dude who doesn't seem like a threat until you remember where he was educated, I would imagine that his whole "ah capital jolly good here I go getting slang wrong again" bullshit started here. We know that among the Ankh-Morpork elite, pretending to be stupider than you really are is something that can both keep you safe and help you get away with a lot, because we see Vetinari and Vimes and Sybil do it. So this is where he got his practice. Bertie Wooster the FUCK out of your working day, quietly get on with the things that need to be done while nobody's looking, and nobody will realise because they just think you're Madam's weird nephew with the shit beard and the puppy

So, bearing all that in mind, picture this:

Snapcase is dead. The important people (at least, the people who think themselves important) converge on the palace. In a small room off the Oblong Office is a young man steadily working through a large pile of paperwork. Oh, yes, that's Madam's nephew, you know... Havelock, isn't it? They ask if he knows what's happened, and he says no, he has no idea, he's just been working his way through all these regulations, and gosh, they really are very dull. And... well... nobody else is here. And nobody else seems to understand the filing system, or the rest of the staff, or anything really. But he does.

This guy's had a few good ideas when he's been doing the minutes at various meetings, that makes him a plausible candidate surely? And he's so young, so he's going to need a lot of guidance from helpful, experienced folks, right? How useful. He's just smart enough not to be an obvious puppet. Very handy indeed.

And the cream of Ankh-Morpork society being what they are (truly the cream- rich and thick) they don't realise until it's far too late that this lanky goth weirdo they'd thought would do their bidding knows everything about everyone and he's been quietly furious about the result of the Glorious 25th for over a decade. And, whoops, they'd somehow forgotten that he didn't spend all of that time on Guild postgraduate courses doing resits. Oh dear. And now he's their boss.

[empty-movement]

sorry but please... post your akio plastic covered couch tweet here... the world needs to know...

Warning: pics of gross shit happening on the couches

I'll do you one better and include the STORY! So, I, Vanna (note: Yasha mostly does the Tumblr and I mostly do the Twitter,) was smoking enough weed to knock out a large horse or put a very tiny dent in my constant back and shoulder pain, as one does when when they're a middle-aged Registered Nurse in the year 2023. (I'm 39 but it's an old 39, lmao.)

Scrolling through Twitter, I stumble on a fanart of Suletta from Witch of Mercury sitting goofily on a white couch. Now I haven't seen this show yet, but the white couch....looked familiar, and I know the show is very much a descendent of Utena in terms of creative teams. For those that don't know, the series is written by Ichirō Ōkouchi, who also wrote the two Revolutionary Girl Utena novelizations...which if you didn't know about before, you know about now, and can read translated on our site here! (Warning: Touga and Miki uh, in the novels...)

Anyways, so I hop onto my own website and start downloading the images that will constitute receipts, before realizing 1. these images are all on multiple computers feet away from me, 2. the couch isn't an identical match, 3. that'd have been weird anyway, and most importantly, 4:

AKIO'S COUCHES DON'T LOOK RIGHT. OBSERVE:

The edges of the armrests have sloppier upholstery than the blanket I have covering my computer desk. I took the time to tuck seams at least. What is this??

Now it could absolutely be leather, I thought. It would absolutely track. But leather upholstery doesn't look like this. It doesn't wrinkle quite this way. It would have cleaner seams.

No. No that's too shiny for leather. So here I am, presented with this strangeness I'd never really considered in how Akio's couch is drawn, and having spent the last few months learning about my Italian-American family history, my chemically altered ass came to the only reasonable conclusion:

Akio Ohtori has plastic coverings on his white couches, like he's a depression era American in poverty.

Fuck yeah, I though, A HIT TWEET, there, at the end of all Tweeting things. (Yeah I'm working on that, stay tuned, lmao. I of all people know when to bail on stupid men with stupid power.) Because I am me, I framed it as semi serious by pulling a context to explain it out of my ass:

I was joking.

But the replies? They were not. And then I thought about it some more. And I've kept thinking about it. Do I seriously think Ikuhara and Co literally are intentionally drawing a plastic covered couch? Doesn't that feel, Vanna, like a bit of a stretch, even for Utena meta?

Listen to that CRONCH when Akio sits down in episode 31, before Anthy is seen by Nanami. Look, the buttons on the back rest don't quite fit, but the rest? Yeah it kinda does. I was high, but not wrong!?

Akio *does* surround himself with a bizarre hodgepodge of Americana as an aesthetic. The arm garters. The piping and cut of his cowboy-ass shirt. His American car. His mullet. His miniature fucking golf. Why not the plastic covered couch? It's a trope of American poverty that would absolutely have fallen neatly into the diet of American pop culture that influenced Ikuhara. (He makes references to E.T. and The Godfather and Suspiria and all kinds of things in his other work, Utena itself is a little less obvious with individual references but inherits HUGE amounts of vibes from the same content--Ikuhara and Co watched Lost Highway in theaters during the production of the Akio Arc and I will not be convinced otherwise.)

So yeah. That's the story, and that's the theory. Do I seriously believe it was deliberate? Maybe. Probably. Possibly. But it fits so well it's headcanon for me, and in the Utena fandom, pretty much all canon is kind of headcanon so enjoy this one.

What an asshole.

[chimeraboy-girlcock]

In the spirit of ask blog revival: Yalls hero team is so cute! Can you tell me more about yourselves?

There should probably be a proper introduction to these girls, huh

So here to present that are the leaders of the team...

Big Boobs 1: Kazuka! #1 heroine around. It's even in my name! Not that I'd need that to tell me I'm great.

Big Boobs 2: ...And Shiori. I can actually do my job without being distracted by my own tits.

Kazuka: Nope! Just by mine. I get it, they're pretty great.

Shiori: I'm choosing to ignore that so I don't have to kick your ass right now.

Kazuka: Anyway, you're right that you are pretty good at the whole heroine thing too. Just like the rest of...

妖艶戦隊メスレンジャー

(You'en Sentai Mesuranger, or "Bewitching Sentai Mesuranger")

(...or something like "Voluptuous Sentai Bitchranger", maybe)

Kazuka: Who we'll be talking about here!

Shiori: And the glasses...?

Kazuka: Are to make us look smart!

(long post below)

⁂♥⁂

Shiori: The two Mesuranger teams, originally comprised of six members total, were formed in the year 20XX to combat the evil organization-

Kazuka: They aren't here for a lore dump, Shi-chan! They're asking about the team. Plus, it's gonna get long enough talking about all 8 of us.

Shiori: I just thought some context would be useful, but fine. And don't call me that (at least not here...). You can start. I doubt you'd let me if I tried to go first anyway.

Kazuka: I wouldn't! Now, onto some profiles~!

⁂♥⁂

Kazuka: First off is my team, or at least the original three members (we'll get to Reina and her sister later). And first of the first is...

Akagi Kazuka (紅城一華) - Mesu1

Kazuka: Me! Beautiful, strong, amazing, etc. as always. No wonder they made me the leader.

Kazuka: Some people describe me as "arrogant" or "a delinquent", but I've never really cared about any of that! I'll just keep doing what I want to do and it'll keep working~

Shiori: She is astoundingly competent for someone so stupid. It's hard to blame her for her pride, unfortunately.

Kazuka: That's right! I am astoundingly competent! Anyway, up next is...

Konhara Fumi (紺原二実) - Mesu2

Kazuka: Fumi-chan! I almost asked her to host this, but before I could even ask the question she refused and said it "sounds like a pain" and "she's gonna go take a nap".

Kazuka: Which is about what i expect from her! It's fine though, a little sloth is cute for girls.

Kazuka: Make no mistake though, she's kind of a genius when she can be bothered to try! Maybe buy her some gacha rolls if you need something from her, that usually works.

Shiori: I don't mind her - at least she's quiet, unlike some people - but Mei told me she'd be mad if I didn't describe her as an "fucking astounding waste of talent".

Shiori: ...I think that might be more of a compliment than I've ever gotten from her. At least in her normal moods, but I wouldn't count the ones when she's... We'll get to her. Moving on.

Kikura Mitsuki (黄倉三気) - Mesu3

Kazuka: A really sporty girl! Probably the best brawler on our team, in fact! She's real sweet though!

Kazuka: ...Unless you piss her off. Then I'd run.

Kazuka: She usually calms down pretty quick once she catches you though! Her wrath has limits.

Shiori: Speaking from experience?

Kazuka: Yes! Both aimed at me and seeing her fight monsters. She's not nearly as forgiving toward those, of course.

Shiori: Mutsue describes them as "besties". I don't think Mitsuki would agree with that... But I don't think Mutsue really does either.

Shiori: She's also said something about keeping her as "a trophy", and I'm not sure how much of that is a joke.

Kazuka: Also, her tanlines are hot. Can't forget to mention them.

⁂♥⁂

Shiori: Time for my side of the team, then.

Kazuka: The secondary team! Since they're the secondary colors.

Shiori: Don't call it that. We're more like the dark team, working from the shad-

Kazuka: No one calls it that. She's being edgy. Ignore her.

Shiori: Tch. Whatever. Just let me talk about my team.

Suihide Shiori (翠秀四織) - Mesu4

Shiori: Yours truly. At the risk of sounding like a certain bimbo, I'm fairly good at what I do. Or rather, at everything I do.

Shiori: Not to imply I'm naturally gifted at everything. I work my ass off for this, and it pays off.

Kazuka: She's leaving out why she does that. She just can't stand seeing someone be better than her. Too much envy. It's cute, honest-

Shiori: Shut up. I'll kill you.

Kazuka: AHAHAHAHAHA. She's kind of an edgelord too, as you can see!

Shiori: ...

Kazuka: It was really funny when we were younger, too. Chuunibyou levels off the chart. Comes out sometimes even now, it's adorable.

Shiori: We're moving on.

Touki Mei (橙木五衣) - Mesu5

Shiori: ...Although I've seen her spell it May Tohki, writing in English. Says it's easier for some of her relatives to read it right that way.

Shiori: She's... Interesting. If you've known her for a day, you probably know her as nothing but a hardass prude. It's certainly the image she goes for.

Shiori: If you've known her for a month... You've probably seen her other side. I'm not going to insult my friend, so I'll just say she's... Unrestrained.

Kazuka: A big slut! One of the biggest I know, and she's got real competition!

Shiori: Like you.

Kazuka: Like me!

Shiori: Anyway, it's like she'd got no idea of self control, you know? She's a nun or she's a hedonist. Like the second she eats she has to be a glutton, metaphorically.

Kazuka: It's pretty funny, honestly. She's convinced the whole thing's a secret too, like she hasn't banged too many people for that to make any sense.

Kazuka: Still, it's more of a charm point than anything. She's funny!

Shiori: Agreed. She's my friend for a reason.

Kazuka: Oh, but Fumi disagrees. She wanted me to say "Hypocrite." That's all!

Shiori: Probably better that way. Let's move on.

Shimiya Mutsue (紫宮六重) - Mesu6

Shiori: Mutsue. She's rich. Exceedingly so. She's also... kind of a dumbass.

Shiori: She'll call herself a proper lady, but she's pretty easy to convince to do just about anything if you bribe her. It's like she likes getting shiny things even if she's got basically infinite money.

Shiori: I'm not sure how much is her not knowing what's anything costs to normal people, and how much is her not caring.

Kazuka: She's a greedy rich bitch and a bimbo, basically. That's what Mitsuki says, at least!

Kazuka: Well, sometimes. When I asked her for this she got too mad to speak.

Shiori: I think Mutsue beat her in their last fight. Boxing or something.

Kazuka: That would explain it! Micchan isn't that competitive, usually, but something about Mutsue just sets her off...

Shiori: Anyway, it's been long enough. Time to talk about...

⁂♥⁂

Monoe Reina (白黒永零那) and Monoe Nanase (白黒永七世) - Mesu0 and Mesu 7

Shiori: The Monoe Sisters, Newest members of the Mesurangers. They're... Different.

Kazuka: I don't think they're human. Reina certainly acts like she only came to earth recently. I've met some pretty odd people, but she might be the weirdest.

Shiori: Yeah. And Nanase's definitely been here for longer, but there's still something strange about her. Not to mention that's she's apparently been fighting monsters for a while now, even before we recruited her. No transformation, no gear, just her.

Kazuka: From what I've picked up? Pretty sure they're angels. Nanase left... Heaven? I guess? And Reina was sent more recently to find her. Not sure what she's supposed to do now that she has, but whatever it is it hasn't happened yet.

Shiori: Yeah. That fits with how Nanase talks about her "old job." Or her family. Not sure she's realized using those interchangeably isn't normal, even if you don't like either. Reina seems like the exception to that, though.

Kazuka: Yeah. I'm not sure how being sisters works for angels, or whatever they are, but Reina clearly loves her "nee-sama" too. Might be why she hasn't taken her back home, or whatever she was meant to do.

Kazuka: I'm sure it's all fine.

⁂♥⁂

Shiori: I suppose that's everyone.

Kazuka: Yep! Took long enough.

Kazuka: And now, signing off, it's...

Kazuka: Akagi Kazuka, Mesu1!

Shiori: And Suihide Shiori, Mesu4.

Kazuka and Shiori: See you next time!

♥END♥

[but-a-humble-goon]

for, https://www.tumblr.com/but-a-humble-goon/754670294342500352/name-a-character-from-one-of-my-fandoms-and-ill?source=share

Cassandra Cain, naturally.

If you already got Cassandra then I'll take a wild swing and go for Emerald Sustrai.

I ain't got Cassandra yet funnily enough. Cassandra Cain Three personal headcanon facts about them -Even after she learns to talk she's still trying to figure out what's going on via inference in 90% of social situations. Words are challenging and not the kind of challenging she likes. -Cass hates stakeouts more than anything in the world. She is a creature of pure motion, she must be free. It takes all of her considerable will and discipline to sit still for longer than an hour or so and it feels like actual torture. -She gets sincerely very emotional listening to Evanescence. She's got no idea about their pop culture context, she just feels very seen by their music. Like she senses a spiritual kinship. A reason they suck Basically everything about how she treated Stephanie in Batgirl 2000. Didn't trust her, didn't respect her, tried very hard to drive her away, completely took their friendship for granted, was generally insufferable and mean to her constantly, took Bruce's side against her and pushed her into getting herself killed. A reason they are great Cassandra Cain is genuinely the kindest soul in the entire DC universe. She is the very essence of empathy and compassion. She would take on the entire world to fight for the life of even the worst person who ever lived. I've said it before but no matter how much the universe tries to hammer the message into her that you can't save them all her response will always be "watch me." A reason I relate to them She's terrible with her emotions and even worse at social interaction and everybody around her misconstrues this as her being emotionless or just projects their own biases onto her. People talk about her like she isn't even there and even though she acts like it doesn't sting, it does. She feels like everybody around her got given a manual on how to be human properly except her. Top tier OTP I don't really ship Cass with anyone. If she's gonna end up with someone at this point it should definitely be Stephanie to give the middle finger to all of the queerbait between the two over the years. Five things that never happened to the character that I believe should have happened. -We should have actually gotten to see her seeing Steph alive again for the first time after War Games and gotten all the devastating emotional fallout of that. -they really should have done a Cass vs Jason storyline at this point, it's kinda ridiculous that they haven't. -Batgirl 2000 should have had a real ending and not just sort of fizzled out the way it did. -Bruce really does need to sort his fucking life out and admit he's basically been feeding her self-abuse, ruining her life and failing her as a father and mentor. -SHE NEEDS A GODDAMN SOLO BOOK AGAIN Five people that the character never fell in love with and why -Conner Kent, much as I think there's probably still some not entirely platonic feelings between them, I don't think anything could ever really come of it, that's why I like where they left off. -Tai'Darshan, because that whole plotline was stupid. -Rose Wilson. If you were to ask Cass she'd tell you it's because Rose is a punk ass bitch. -Zatanna. I know it's like the joke that every bat is at least a little bit in love with Z but Cass could never be with somebody cooler than she is. -Any of her brothers, no matter what people seem to think, because that's disgusting.

[rlyehtaxidermist]

so I’ve seen some posting about oil fire going around and as one of the people sitting in the eye of that particular hurricane i have a couple thoughts. keep in mind that I obviously can’t speak for every single Poster etc etc, obviously this is just my view on things. in particular don’t quote Twitter at me because the only time I was ever active on there was back when “have a visible professional social media account” was considered important for the job hunt. I know nothing of Touhou Twitter or Touhou Reddit and I am content in my ignorance

Anyway there’s three major points of criticism I’ve seen, and one of them as basically ��it’s just a nothingburger that came out of nowhere” and even ignoring the history of that in Touhou in general, I’m going to set it aside because I don’t think it needs a more specific rebuttal than the length of this post. so on to the two more substantial complaints I’ve seen:

“it’s just a sex ship”: look, I won’t deny that there’s been a lot of sexposting. i’ve probably posted more about cock in the last 48 hours than in the last five years combined. almost certainly more than i will in the next five too. but there’s a subtext to it that often gets missed (not just by critics but also by a lot of sexposters).

these are two characters who have had... a bit of a history with being sexualised by the fandom. i shouldn’t need to recite all the “slut sanae” memes, those who know know and honestly they were never funny, but they existed. tsukasa meanwhile was stuck with “sex fox” pretty much from the beginning due to some kuda-gitsune legends specifically involving their rapid reproduction.

obviously this is going to go more into the personal view and i reiterate that i’m not speaking for Everyone’s posts, but I’m asexual. the whole emphasis people put on sex as a cultural thing, not just in terms of Posting about it but also in terms of Not Posting about it is funny to me. people dance around it like they’re waltzing with the demon core but also are baffled when i say i’m just not into it.

the oil fire sexposting isn’t about “lol they’re fucking”. there was already plenty of that. the joke is that it’s not a big deal that they’re fucking - it’s not dramatic or cathartic or even erotic. they’re bad at it, they get distracted, they’re not really thinking things through; fail sex with her cringe wife. it’s sexual in the way that a Tom and Jerry sketch is violent - stepping back from the artifice around it to say “you know, whatever else this is, it’s pretty goofy”. to me at least, that’s more of a repudiation of horny character exaggeration than simply ignoring it is.

(there’s also a false equivalence to me in the general notion of “it’s just hornyposting”, between hornyposting by straight men and that of queer women and/or the gender blender, when the characters involved are both women - especially in light of the reasonably consistent depiction of one or both as transgender in oil fire posting. there’s better people than me and my none gender with leftist beef to effortpost on that side of things.)

“tsukasa is manipulating sanae” I’d add a single phrase here - she’s trying to. The big thing with a lot of how I look at Sanae and this is no exception is that while she can be naive, she’s not stupid. There’s a difference between being trusting and being easily deceived. She’s not a master manipulator, but she lives with Kanako, she knows a bit of how the game is played.

I think this kind of echoes the last bit of the last segment, in that how the characters are portrayed in the context matters a lot. Oil Fire Sanae is, at least within the spheres I see here, heavily coded as if not explicitly autistic. A lot of the content is being written by autistic people, myself included.

Autistic adults are, in my anecdotal experience, pretty conscious of being manipulative or manipulated, because we have to learn deliberately where that line is drawn and how to act around it.

To get into explicitly personal experiences, I often think of myself as being “manipulative” because I have to deliberately strategise a lot of social cues and how I present myself and information I know, and still haven’t really shook that perspective internally despite the intellectual knowledge of several therapists and psychiatrists that no, that’s just an autism thing, most people do all that stuff without thinking about it.

Now obviously simply Being Autistic is not an unassailable fortress against manipulation, nor does it prevent you from being actually manipulative in your own right, but it does tilt the pinball table a bit, again especially in terms of awareness. And that awareness helps control a response - again, even if you’re not always quite sure how to respond.

Sanae’s way of cutting that Gordian knot is what a friend of mine calls the Bishop Myriel Method: how can someone steal what is freely given? She has her lines, but the stuff Tsukasa is leaning on her to get - protection, shelter, and an in-group - are all things Sanae doesn’t see an issue with giving to her. Tsukasa for her part doesn’t really understand this, being more used to dealing with power-broker types where everything has a quid-pro-quo, and from a position of pretty notable inferiority (just look at how any of the stronger youkai talk to her in UDoALG) at that - so she looks at all the leverage that Sanae now has over her (leverage which Sanae doesn’t really understand she has), and doubles down on trying to be manipulative because she doesn’t understand that she doesn’t have to.

in conclusion obviously I’m not thinking about all this wall of text every time I post something, for the same reason that I’m not thinking about how my house’s foundations are designed every time I go up or down the stairs - the general idea is there in the background and actually needing to go check it out usually means that I won’t be doing whatever I was going up the stairs for in the first place. but these are The Thoughts, upon which the lower effort thoughts stand as they heckle each other. there are many like them but these are mine

[allykatsart]

pls i’m so feral about your deer boi oc tell me more i wanna know how the whole everyone notices he’s terrified of alastor thing goes

Who is Peccantum?

HO BOY YOU ASKED FOR IT-

Husk, of course, is the first to notice.

He's a gambler, bartender, and is far more attentive than other sinners give him credit for. Of course he notices Peccantum is treading on eggshells everywhere, and not just for comedic effect. The young buck is genuinely terrified of Alastor.

However, Husk isn't one to act on that information. Not only is it none of his business, Husk is also kind of in the same boat as Peccantum. Honestly, the bartender thinks Peccantum's fear is warranted. He does soften over time, but what can he do, really?

Angel Dust is the first to help.

It would be post episode 4, when Angel really starts to connect with others at the hotel. Angel just kinda always assumed Peccantum was a panicky, on edge weirdo. As they get to know each other a little more, Angel realizes that's not actually the case. Peccantum is usually a sarcastic, passionate, clever guy! So the way the bellhop acts around Alastor... It reminds Angel a touch too much of his situation with Val

(Not in romance or assault, but in the 'Im going to fuck with you for my own amusement' way)

So, Angel starts doing little things. He doesn't want to piss off the strawberry pimp, so no direct confrontation, but he can still help Peccantum not get jump scared. Angel greets Alastor out loud when Alastor enters a room quietly. He lingers in rooms where Peccantum would be alone otherwise. Small things that prepare Peccantum beforehand.

In return, Peccantum makes Angel warm drinks when Angel comes back from a long day. He learns recipes that Angel likes and cooks dinner. He gives Angel a book called "A hundred and one dirty jokes for the wickedly perverted." Small things.

They don't talk about it, and it's not a foolproof strategy, but it helps.

Sir Pentious, the best friend, takes it very seriously.

Sir Pentious doesn't pick up on it like Husk and Angel do, so it takes an actual conversation with Peccantum about it for him to realize it's serious. Pentious and Peccantum are Science Buddies™️ so it doesn't take long before Pentious starts coming up with inventions that might help! Magic seeking goggles, ocular augmentations, even a scanner to help identify Alastor before he appears! They have a little fun with it.

In the end, though, Pentious keeps it simple. He and Peccantum develop a secret hand signal for if Peccantum needs someone to distract Alastor. That way Peccantum can slip away and calm himself down if he's spiraling!

They also develop a secret handshake but that's beside the point.

Charlie....

Despite what everyone thinks, Charlie isn't stupid. She's observant and empathetic, and quickly picks up that Peccantum is nervous around Alastor. She can understand that, Hell, sometimes the Radio Demon makes her nervous! She's also a fixer, so would try to resolve the issue with diplomacy and setting boundaries. Sure, Alastor probably doesn't care about Peccantum, but Alastor does listen to her!

But she doesn't have the context.

I don't think Peccantum would tell her anything, and may actively try to keep his thoughts about Alastor private from her. I also think Alastor has made it clear that if Peccantum tries to hide behind Charlie, he's in for a lot worse than just some scares. Alastor defers to Charlie out of obligation and opportunity, but he refuses to have others use her to manipulate himself. Especially not a soul he owns.

Peccantum, of course, complies. He has to convincingly lie to Charlie, which makes his stomach squirm with guilt, but it's fine. He's overreacting anyways. It's fine. It's the price he chose to pay for power.

As long as he has magic, he shouldn't care what Alastor decides to do with him.

It's fine.

(No, it's not)

[canarydarity]

hello,, remember that Jimmy centric harbinger of death au I mentioned months back? Have a snippet of a scene from the first chapter :) (which will be posted in full soon!)

“Jimmy, look out!” 

From over his shoulder, he hears it—the spark and a slight buzz, like static; for a weird second, he thinks of the radio and the crackling, the sand in the desert. But he knows better, he knows that hiss, a sound that haunts him both awake and asleep. It doesn’t matter that he was just facing that direction and had seen no sign of any creepers—there was a conditioned response to what he just heard, everyone has one; Jimmy’s is to drop, ducking to the ground hands up and over his head—not that they would’ve done anything to protect him had the threat been real. 

And while nothing happened—no crater dug itself into the ground, no hole ripped itself through his barely-armored body, no gasp as he woke up back in that desert—the panic was most definitely real. Seasoned target of one too many jokes, following the usual progression Jimmy knows the anger comes next; the panic would fade upon the realization that the threat wasn’t real and the annoyance at whatever joke was played would take its place, no less insistent and intense as the feeling before it. But as Jimmy cowers on the ground, catching his breath, his hands frantically cataloging limbs and appendages and understanding he was fine, he doesn’t find that his fear gives way to anger—his fear wasn’t giving away at all. 

His ears are ringing, which is weird because there had been no actual explosion. The noise came from somewhere—probably a disc if he had to guess—but it was pre-recorded, only a playback of some other detonation, it shouldn’t have nearly been enough to do any real damage. And it didn’t seem to for anyone else either, if the laughter he vaguely hears behind him is any sort of indication. The perpetrators are fine, but even so, Jimmy’s head rocks like there had been a blast, like he needs time to recover. 

No matter how many times he repeats to himself that nothing had happened, that it was just a stupid prank, he can’t seem to calm down. 

A hand touches his arm and he flinches hard, blinking up to find Scott just trying to help him to his feet. “Easy, Jimmy, easy.” Jimmy lets Scott pull him until he’s standing, brushing him off. 

Martyn is still laughing at his own prank, wiping a tear from below his eye, practically wheezing; it’s unclear how much of it is real and how much is for show. “I have gotten a one hundred percent success rate with that,” he brags with a happy sigh, hands out to his sides, inviting them to join in on his praise. “I gotta say, I’m pleased.”  

“What was that noise?” Jimmy asks, but his question goes unanswered. 

“He got me as well,” Scott says, but then he turns to look at Jimmy with a smirk. “But not nearly as aggressively as he got you, Jimmy.” 

Jimmy wants to join them in their amusement, he really does, but his heart rate hasn’t quite recovered yet. He’s embarrassed, almost, to still be feeling it. He blinks a few times hoping to clear something in his brain, begging himself to calm down, to chill out before someone notices. 

But of course, the next thing Martyn says is “Just a music disc Tim, jeez, you alright there?” Not sounding at all actually concerned about Jimmy’s state of being; his deceptively kind words more an excuse to poke at Jimmy’s weak spots than actually inquire about his feelings.

He wants to play it cool, to take the joke as easily as he’s sure the others have, but instead on instinct his shock makes him shove his arm in Martyn’s face, crowing “I’ve got goosebumps, Martyn, look!” 

Martyn draws back in his distaste, his own hand coming up to push Jimmy’s arm back down and away. “Yep, I see that alright, thank you.”

Scott pats Jimmy twice on the shoulder, something he’s quickly getting sick of happening in this sort of context.

“I’ve got a few more people to get with it, though, so—” Martyn says, clearly trying to take his leave now that he did what he came here to. “Actually,” he interrupts himself, “have you seen Grian anywhere?”

Scott shakes his head, “No, I—”

And—maybe just a moment behind—Jimmy understands he means to repeat the prank again, and speaks without really thinking about it or meaning to for the second time today. 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, actually.” 

Martyn’s eyes dart away from him and then back again like he's giving some sort of aside to an audience, acknowledging the weirdness of Jimmy’s comment with a 3rd party who’s in on the bit. “Um, what?”

Jimmy ignores the feeling that he’s walking himself into a joke, calling on Martyn to pick him apart like usual—because the feeling of wrong wrong wrong wrong is so much stronger. His ears are still ringing from the explosion that didn’t happen, and he rubs a hand over one of them trying to make it go away before he answers, but for some reason, that only makes it louder. 

He winces, both from the pain and the knowledge that he knows exactly how this conversation is going to go over before he even starts it. 

“I said you oughta stop that.” He tries to be firm, but from the smirk on Martyn’s face, he’s not going to succeed. It makes Jimmy double down, rush the rest of the sentence out of his mouth as quickly as possible, trying to avoid the possibility of being dismissed. “Someone could get seriously hurt!”

“It’s not a real creeper though, is it Timmy?” 

Jimmy feels the helpless frown settle on his face, and the frustration that comes with knowing he's going to lose but not wanting to give up; he acts and speaks with the same level of intensity as he does with everything else, but there's an underlying urgency here that he does not doubt even though he doesn’t quite understand its cause. He doesn’t bother answering Martyn’s question, knowing at least enough to understand that he isn’t meant to. 

“I still don’t think you should be doin’ that though!” He argues, and the worst possible turn the conversation could take begins from there; dismissal of the point that the prank is potentially dangerous for the more amusing idea that Jimmy is a sore participant. 

Martyn rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. “Oh come on,” he drawls. “Take a joke, take a joke…” 

Jimmy groans, “But Martyn, I think th—”

Martyn groans back, “But Timmy!” 

Scott laughs and Jimmy turns to glare at him, giving up on his sentence halfway through. 

Martyn takes the distraction as his leave, already having jogged halfway across the tiny valley by the time Jimmy looks back in his direction. 

“You’re gonna kill someone with that!” Jimmy yells after him, but Martyn is ignoring him and making really exaggerated gestures of goodbye, like he's just given a performance and the crowd is shouting for an encore. He brings both hands to his mouth and blows a kiss to his imaginary admirers, then clasps his hands together giving a large bow; waving, smiling, mouthing thank you. 

Jimmy calls again “I’m serious Martyn!” But his friend fakes a laugh and says “oh, you’re all too kind!” Before disappearing over the crest of the mountain across them.

[hypermascbishounen]

Interesting that you point out how babied Lenore was in S4, because

yes, she was. She was written like such an immature brat, making stupid jokes and constantly whining that she was so boooored and no one needed her anymore and oh no she's so scawed of mean cawmiwwa 🥺 and it feels disingenuous, no I'm sorry I get that the context is different but the Lenore who cries that Carmilla lied to her is not the Lenore who was able to gaslight Hector into believing that actually he was lucky that he was beaten and imprisoned.

this is yet another way her character got disrespected, if you care about her. Remember, the other council vampires clearly had a poor opinion of Lenore. Carmilla made fun of her for her tendency to take care of animals, Striga implied that she saw her as a hopeless romantic, Morana talked about her like a silly little girl living in her fantasies. And the most charitable explanation as to why Lenore snapped and beat Hector to an inch of his life when he threatened her is precisely that he, too, saw her as a young defenseless girl: to be fair, would he have thought to attack any of the other three? Probably not. And Lenore clearly resents this situation so much, which is why he beat him way past self defense, which is why she had fun dominating him, which is why she was eager to humiliating him in front of her sisters, who both admired her for her genius and were disgusted by her sexual comments (a way to keep the control of the conversation)

I like this idea. Both Hector and Lenore are the "weak link" of their group, looked down on for their apparent "softness", but while Hector apparently didn't know, didn't realize or didn't care (if the writing was good, I could say that it's because he lived a life of abuse so he doesn't realize his own worth), Lenore very much did, and she rebounded too far in the opposite direction. Her kindness can almost be seen as a subtle way to feel powerful, more subtle than simply beating people into submission: sure, taking care of someone is a nice act... but also, they depend on you, and they're more malleable to your wishes.

So yeah, from this perspective, her constant 🥺 face in S4 is infantilizing an abuser. Lenore did nothing wrong. She always wanted to protect Hector, really. He was having fun when she manipulated him into sex, so what's the big deal. They are such good friends who understand each other. Of course Hector would love her and protect her with barely a second thought. Who wouldn't? An evil person? But they're so cute together 🥺

(btw, I'm interested to know who is the other Beatrice you mentioned lol! As for the Sugarman one, she is such a fascinating character who is so, so pitiable for what happened to her, but still not woobiefied for the horrible way she took her misery on her innocent son)

(also sorry for the ask lol, I didn't want to make a long post longer than it already is)

(no worries, feel free to send asks or messages! I always have more to say than I know what yo do with lol)

The other Beatrice is from Umineko, a series of murder mystery visual novels in the wider When They Cry series. She's hard to describe without spoilers tbh, but relevant atm: she can be a real smug sadist while still containing genuine tragedy, and her relationships get to actually mean something. Here she is expressing true opinions about nfcv:

I feel like a Lenore whose loss of humanity was allowed to be explored as a legit Dracula parrelel, could have almost been interesting. Oh well.

The biggest issue imo, is that she can't really exist as a character without Hector, but the story itself feels threatened by Hector being a character compared to her. This means that no matter how much they try to build her up by contrast, she gets dragged down anyways. So now all they have is two ruined characters for the price of one.

Personally, I think maybe the catharsis granted from a character who does bad things, is only as good as the work lets you engage with them on that premise. If you keep dragging it back to how they're basically in the right anyways, it can lose the emotional opportunity for the audience to explore dark feelings. This doesn't mean you can't write them to be sympathetic ever, but it does mean they risk falling into a weakened power fantasy or cheap fanservice, if you effectively just preach to the audience about how cool they are, esp at the expense of other characters.

[thirty-two-or-fewer-characters]

How to make Aiura and Saiki not soulmates.

I like both Saiteru and Saiura a lot as ships, but Saiki x Teruhashi is definitely pushed by the series a lot more towards the end. Despite this, if someone wants to make a fic/doujin where Saiki and Teruhashi get together, there's the obvious problem of what to do with Aiura: not only is she a romantic rival throughout the series, but she's introduced as being soulmates with Saiki, and her predictions are never* wrong. If you want to stay canon-compliant, you need to come up with an explanation for why them being soulmates isn't getting in the way of Saiki and Teruhashi being together.

Here are some options I've seen and have thought of:

Ignore it. Don't consider Aiura and Saiki being soulmates an aspect of their relationship that needs to be brought up. Maybe don't have Aiura show up at all! This also allows the reader to headcanon any of the below as what happened, although that's a bit stupid.

They're platonic soulmates! Soulmates have only been mentioned in a romantic context throughout the series, but maybe it's really that they're super close friends or whatever!! This can be cute, but it also comes with the expectation that they're going to be shown off doing platonic soulmatey stuff (like ever interacting), and a lot of fics don't really... do that.......

They're still romantic soulmates, but you can be with someone who isn't your soulmate. You can play it as a nice thing, about how you don't necessarily need to force yourself to conform to the whims of fate and can find your own happiness, or as a sad thing, where Saiki, Aiura, and Teruhashi aren't with their true loves. The latter works a bit less well if you want to portray Saiki and Teruhashi positively, but you can also have it be angst purely for Aiura.

Soulmates aren't a permanent thing. You can be soulmates with someone at one point in your life and then lose that connection later on, somehow. This goes against the cultural zeitgeist's perception of "soulmate" but (iirc) isn't explicitly not canon, although it does retroactively make Aiura seem... kind of reckless and weird? But she's already a bit reckless and weird, and she probably isn't a focus of characterization in a Saiki and Teruhashi story.

Aiura was wrong. Sure, her predictions are never* wrong, but maybe she just... was, somehow? This can be played for angst but also as a quick joke that leaves Saiki and Teruhashi room to be soulmates, and is also a way to get Aiura out of the narrative quickly if you don't want her there much but still want to have her show up.

*Aiura can be wrong under specific circumstances. I say she's never wrong, but her predictions of disaster can be mitigated if one takes action to prevent them, implying that her predictions can be made wrong if someone has the knowledge of them beforehand. This opens the door to a really interesting possibility: Aiura and Saiki would have been soulmates, but the fact that she tracked down Saiki specifically because of this caused them to meet much earlier than they should have, and butterfly effected them out of being soulmates. This is super cool to me, but it does force a specific interpretation of Aiura's prediction that they're soulmates (that it's a vision of the future and not an inherent property the people hold), and also requires a lot of explanation about Aiura's powers, which might not be what an author wants for a Saiki x Teruhashi story. But I'd love to see it explored more in something focused on Aiura!

Aiura was completely right, and the common interpretation of soulmates is completely right as well, and Saiki and Teruhashi are gonna break up. If you're the kind of person who's okay with relationships ending at some point in the future and still cares about the present, this can be a cute/melancholic view, where Saiki and Teruhashi are in a relationship doomed to end (and Saiki might even know about it), but they don't care and just want to enjoy it. If you're not that kind of person, this is really easy angst potential. You can also make Aiura believe that this is the case, that they'll break up soon, and have that be a sad part of her character for most of the above options.

I can't believe I forgot this. Polyamory. Easy.

Cheating?? idfk