#This is my chair that eats people
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Object..pred
Sentient objects that eat people
Possibly a mimic situation, an outer shell that looks like an every day item, but the inside is organic, flesh. Maybe it has a voicebox too
an antique lounge chair, its been returned to the antique store several times over the past few decades as bad things tend to happen to its owners.
One day someone is at the store late at night, theyve broken in. Before they can bag any jewellery, they hear a voice, theyve been caught. But they dont see anyone, it seems to have come from... somewhere in the furniture section.
The voice is off-putting, and its hard to place the accent. It tells them things that don't really make sense for a person to say in this situation, about how people 'don't tend to be around at this hour of the night, a rare treat it is to have a guest'
The thief asks them who they are, or, where they are, but the voice is coy.
Curiosity overrides their survival instincts, they go over to investigate. Soon they find themselves eaten.
The next day the store owner finds, to their distress there has been a break in, but strangely nothing has been stolen. Also, strangely, one of the chairs looks ... lumpier? And it seems to be making strange noises, but it goes away after a few days.
#This is my chair that eats people#Dont sit on it when its full it wont like that#v.ore#v/ore#vore writing#vore fic#tw vore
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star abducted :3
#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#loop#siffrin#myart#fanart#pls clck on the frst picture tumblr destroyed my line quality ;v;#tfw you almost meet your parents and you are nowhere near emotionally prepared for that-- let alone being emotionally prepared-#- to meet your younger self who immediately adopts you as their best star friend#:3#helpful imaginary friend loop#littol siffrin pulls up an extra chair at the dinner table and everyone goes along with it#but Loop is actually sitting there#and watching their family eat and banter in ways that are both so painfully familiar yet alien#everyone is asking littol Siffrin about their star friend (yknow like indulging what they think is a kid making up an imaginary friend)#and littol Siffrin is 'they're just being shy right now!'#'but i'll ask them later!'#i don t think i'll be drawing more of this to make an official au out of it bc i just wanted an excuse to draw littol siffrin#but i would not mind if people built on top of it :3c
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death is insane. wdym i’ll never see my grandmother again
#she’s in her chair in the den cant nobody tell me nothing ok#death tw#grief#what’s this house without my grandmother in it? (all the people she left behind)#i cried this morning while eating grits she taught my mother how to make. love is so big when i think of it like that#i thought i heard her walker clack in the hallway last night.#she wears glasses & we have to decide where to keep them#grief is so strange#i can’t keep crying by myself (i’ll be crying for the rest of my life)#love is carrying on. i think.
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Because I agonised for an hour or more this morning on how i would get groceries before 'allowing' myself to order them to be delivered:
You don't have to push yourself to your absolute limit constantly as a disabled person to prove you are worthy of care and support and recovery/improvement/symptom management. (I know this is a broad spectrum that varies for each person).
Abled people do strictly unnecessary things to make their lives easier all the time. You're allowed to do that too.
#seriously it was like- i can't drive so it's easier to walk to the supermarket with my crutches#but then i'll need both of them#and it's nearly impossible (for me) to shop in a way that isn't extra labour and frustration with two crutches#so I should probably take my wheelchair#but that still limits me to what I can carry home in a backpack#and I have to cross major roads to get there without traffic lights and that's more difficult in my chair#and I'm already trying to recover from the past two days#and I have hobbies I want to do today and class to attend tomorrow#so I don't want to max myself out just getting groceries#but i *need* groceries today because otherwise myself and (more importantly imo) my cat won't have anything to eat (literal)#anyway uhh... being disabled is so much work that abled people without disabled folks in their lives don't see#radio chatter#actually disabled#actually chronically ill#mobility aid user
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Ghostlight!
"You came?" "You called."
Danny in trouble, Duke to the rescue! (Or it can be reversed!) Maybe they've been online friends or met in person once and bonded over both having all these unexpected powers. Slightly angst.
There was never a point when Danny thought he would need the panic button Duke gave him.
It was a sweet gesture, a way for Duke to show that he cared for Danny and wanted him to be safe. Never mind that Danny can take care of himself, heals quickly from most wounds, and has been the protector, not the protected, ever since the Accident. If it makes Duke feel better, than Danny was more than happy to keep it on him as a token of affection.
The cultists, however, caught him off guard.
Danny would be embarrassed about being nabbed off the streets so easily if the people who took him weren’t cultists lead by the daughter of a GIW agent, one who disapproved of the scientific approach the GIW took towards ectoplasmic entities and had turned to mystic arts as a way to defy her father. Which, usually, Danny would be all for striking out against the strict expectations of parents and their unwillingness to listen to their kids in any serious manner, but not this time. Not when it ends with him slowly waking up after they chloroformed him, curled up in some magic circle, surrounded by black candles and blue flame, and something in the air that smells of blood blossoms.
There are voices speaking, but he can’t make out what they’re saying over the pounding in his head, his heartbeat stuttering in his chest with each gasping breath he takes.
Whatever they’re doing, whatever’s got him bound in the circle, makes his blood feel like its been lit aflame, agony coursing through his veins. He tries to grit his teeth and bare it, but it doesn’t become any more manageable.
No, it gets worse the longer he’s awake.
Danny tries to move, tries to get to his feet, but all he can do is curl up tighter, a sob forcing its way out of his throat.
“I know you’ve got some connection to Phantom,” he hears someone say, both by his ear and so far away he can barely make out the words. Danny whines, trying to insist that they’re wrong, he’s got nothing to do with phantom, but the voice continues. “Come on, cooperate with us and this will end sooner for you. You can’t lie about this; you wouldn’t be feeling anything if there was no connection.”
A hand brushes against his forehead, burning hot, and Danny turns his face towards the ground trying to move away from it.
“I knew ghosts had to have some tie to the living world. And a living anchor would make the ghost stronger… If only dad would listen to me.” The voice sighs, and the words help him put the pieces together and realize this is the daughter of the GIW agent that came closest to finding him when he first ran to Gotham.
It’s been close to a year since then. He thought they’d stopped looking.
Really, he should have known better.
The hand leaves his forehead and he hears the leader bark out an order. Voices surround him, chanting, as they rise out of the dark.
A red glow begins to fall on everything, enough that Danny can see it through his barely open eyes. A shudder runs through him, and he feels his transformation try to begin.
NO, he thinks desperately. He tries to force it down but it fights against him. It’s agony, pain on a molecular level, the feeling of dying over and over and over again.
NO, he thinks, STOP I DON’T WANT TO DIE SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME.
And then, unbidden, a single word rising in his mind. Duke.
Duke will help him if he knows Danny needs help. Duke has been kind and welcoming and helped Danny find his footing in Gotham, never judging and always quietly offering a hand in support. He’s the person Danny’s closest to in Gotham, someone dear to him, a light in the dark.
He gave Danny a panic button.
Contrary to popular thought, Danny isn’t an idiot. He knows Duke is the Signal. A few too many incidents where Duke had disappeared and the Signal appeared to save him tipped him off. It didn’t help that Duke acted the same in and out of costume, and he always, always grabbed Danny first at the elbow, then slid his hand down to his wrist.
Besides, who else gives panic buttons to their friends? Danny would have done the same to Sam and Tucker if they weren’t always attached at the hip. He’s a (former) teenage vigilante too, he knows how being involved in this kind of thing invites trouble into the rest of his life.
Duke can help him. He’s a hero. He’s saved Danny before.
He’s his friend. Danny trusts (wants to trust, so badly) that Duke will help him even when he’s not fully human, fully alive.
With trembling hands, he reaches into his jacket, to the panic button. It’s a simple necklace with an unassuming metal rectangle dangling off of it. It’s flat and thin, but the top gives way to a button that Danny clicks three times in quick succession.
He waits a moment, trying to breathe through the pain, and clicks it three times again.
Please hurry, Duke, he thinks, hand falling limply to the ground.
“Let’s try this, instead,” the leader says, and the chanting falls to a quiet murmur to give way to her voice as she begins reciting something.
It starts at his feet. They cramp up suddenly, then pain crackles up his bones like lightning, digging deep into him. It feels as if a thousand knives dig into his abdomen, cutting in deep and twisting.
Danny chokes on his breath, then screams, trying futilely to scramble away. All it does is make him writhe on the ground, back arching enough that he can feel the strain of it on his spine, but it doesn’t matter because he’s forcing down his transformation again, smothering Phantom as much as he can.
His breath mists out before him. His fingers go numb, frost spreading across the floor.
Tears slip down his face as Danny pants for breath.
It hurts. It hurts like nothing has ever hurt before, but he refuses to give in. If they find out he’s Phantom, they’ll only do worse.
Please, he thinks again, deliriously.
As if hearing him, a window shatters above him and the cultists break off in screams.
Forcing his eyes open, Danny squints through he tears and watches as the shadows around them rise up, roiling, and crash against the cultists. The force of it knocks them down, leaving them to claw desperately at their faces as the shadows cover their nose and mouths, cutting off their air. The leader is yelling, rage clear in her voice, shooting out magic spells at the Signal.
The Signal is usually a friendly figure. He’s safe, something whose meer presence makes people feel safe. His smile means everything’s alright and when it’s directed to Danny, he feels like nothing bad can ever happen to him again.
The Signal isn’t smiling now.
He’s furious, expressionless and stone cold, bashing away the spells with shadows or light, advancing on the leader like an avenging angel come to deliver justice.
He takes her out with hard hits, striking methodically. It’s not quick. She doesn’t get the kindness of being knocked out; no, he snaps a wrist, breaks her nose, slams her down on the ground and cuts off her air with a knee until her struggles die off and she’s left limp on the floor.
When he rises, surrounded by shadows still moving restlessly, illuminated only by the flicker blue flames of the candles, he should look terrifying.
All Danny feels is relief so sharp it worries him that his chest was cleaved in half without him noticing until now. He shivers against the floor, too weak to reach out to the Signal.
It’s a good thing he doesn’t have to.
The Signal picks him up with careful hands, checking him over for injuries.
“Duke,” Danny murmurs, slurring a bit. The torture is definitely at fault for it, but the sudden absence of all that pain doesn’t help him sound any more coherent. “You came.”
“You called,” Duke says, “Of course I came. I’ve been looking for you for hours. You never showed up for our study date and I know you always try to reach out if you can’t make it. I’m just sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”
“S’okay, ‘m not mad. Was scared, but you made it better. The panic button…”
“It’s how I found you. I’m so glad you were wearing it today.”
Danny tries to smile, but the most he can manage is a twitch of his lips before his head tips forward to rest against Duke’s armored shoulder. “I always wear it.”
Duke’s grip on him tightens for a moment, then he begins walking, taking Danny away from the magic circles and the prone bodies of the cultists who had watched him be tortured and decided to keep going. Danny shudders again, his entire body aching. His transformation is still fighting to come out, but it’s not as strong anymore.
“Let’s get out of here,” Duke says into his ear. “I’ll take you to the hospital.”
“No! No hospitals, please. I can’t let them know… they’ll find me…”
Duke shushes him soothingly, tucking him more securely against his chest. “Alright, Danny. No hospitals. But I am going to call Batman for a pick up to get you to one of the people we trust for medical care.”
“But Batman doesn’t work in the day.” Danny’s too exhausted to sound confused, but it must go through anyways. Duke laughs lowly, and the sound helps unwind the last of his nerves coiled up tight in fear.
“Danny, it’s well into the night. You were gone for hours. Longest hours of my life.”
“Sorry,” he mumbles,
“Don’t be, it’s not your fault. Hang on, Batman’s nearly here.”
In any other circumstance, Danny would be excited to meet another hero. Especially Batman, one of the original heroes of the modern age. But all he wants is to go somewhere safe so he can curl up and cry, then sleep for three days before he pretends to be a normal human again. Ideally, he’d stay with Duke until he felt safe again, but he doesn’t want to take Duke away from the city that needs him.
His ears perk up a bit when he hears the smooth rumble of an engine stop in front of them. A door opens with a click without Duke needing to grab the handle, and then Danny is carefully being deposited in the back seat.
“Wait,” he says, trying to grab for Duke’s arm only to have his fingers fumble and grab nothing. Duke doesn’t move away, though, and instead grabs Danny’s seeking hand. “Stay? Please? I just—” his voice shudders, cracks, fractures apart. “I just want to feel safe.”
There’s a pause, a stillness in the air, before Duke says, “Okay. I’ll stay.” And then he’s sliding into the backseat, pulling Danny in to lean against him, curl into his embrace.
“Signal,” Batman’s low, gravelly voice says. There’s something in his tone that makes Danny tense up, prepared to take off, and his transformation pushes at his skin, ready to come out.
“He knows who I am, B,” Duke replies. “He’s trustworthy. Besides, just because he knows me doesn’t mean he knows you.”
“We will be discussing this later,” Batman says, dark promise in his voice. It’s just how he talks, Danny’s sure, too used to years of making himself the scariest thing in the dark. That doesn’t change the fact that Batman can be terrifying, and Danny can’t imagine he’ll take kindly to the fact that Danny knows Duke’s identity.
Fear slithers up his spine, and he can’t stop the transformation this time. The rings of white light flash over his body in a second, leaving Phantom in his place.
Danny lets go of his legs first, glad to be free from their aching weight, and without a body made of flesh and bone, the hurt begins to fade away until it’s just an unpleasant memory.
“What—” Duke starts to say just as Batman says, “Signal—”
They must have some sort of silent exchange. There’s only a heavy tension in the car and the barely audible rumble of the engine as they drive towards their destination, whatever it may be. Danny sinks into Duke some more, sighing in relief as a hand comes up to card through his wispy white hair.
“Danny,” Duke says, “What’s this?”
“It’s why they hurt me,” he mumbles against Duke’s chest. “It’s why they keep hunting me down. I want them to leave me alone. I’m tired.”
Embarrassingly, his voice cracks on the last word and more tears fall down his cheeks. He hears Duke move, and then hands, bare and gloveless, wipe his tears away with a gentleness that makes his heart ache.
“They won’t be able to hurt you again. You’ll be safe from now on, Danny, I swear it.”
“S’okay if I get hurt,” he says, “It always happens. Promise to save me if this happens again?”
“I’ll do whatever I can to make sure it doesn’t happen again. But if it does, then I promise to always save you. I gave you that panic button, didn’t I? As long as you keep it, I’ll always find you.”
“You’re a good person, Duke,” Danny says, voice falling quieter as his exhaustion catches up to him. “I’m glad I met you.”
He thinks he feels a soft touch to the top of his head. A kiss, maybe, though it’s not likely. But he wants comfort, and he’s endured a lot a pain so he allows himself to hope and be delusional. With the warm that spreads through him from Duke’s soft kiss to his head, Danny gives in to the siren call of slumber.
“Get some sleep, Danny,” Duke says, voice hushed. “I’ll stay with you as long as you need.”
I know, he doesn’t say, too tired to open his mouth again, You’re always here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
He falls asleep easily after that. There’s nothing in the world that can hurt him while he’s in Duke’s arms. He’s never been safer.
#ghostlights#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#dpxdc#dp x dc fanfic#dc x dp fic#prompt fill#my writing#didnt quite get into it but duke and danny bond after always being in the library together!! they decide to study together and grow close#danny def has a crush but hes stressing out abt too much to think much on it.duke is crushing HARD and flirts with him as both duke & signa#anyways danny has mentioned that he's running away from people who want to hurt him and is safe in gotham for now#hes absolutely going to have to answer a lot of questions after he wakes up in the batcave with duke asleep on a chair next to him#batman in that car ride worried abt the identity breach and then mentally practicing his shovel talk bc he knows duke and danny are gonna#end up together. they're just acting soooo close and enamoured and kinda like him and (literally so many options. all of them ig)#danny is going to wake up. freak out. be interrogated. be given protection. and get a date all before alfred manages to get him to eat#good for him :)#thanks for the prompt!!
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I had a shrink appointment today and while I could not see it I knew my doc was going through the five stages of grief while I explained my fool proof strategy for doing my t shots despite a crippling fear of needles: By abusing my vastly more crippling fear of being an inconvenience.
My mother and I play phasmophobia together every week. she usually has a pretty limited time to do this bc she's like. a doctor and a college professor whos always busy. So I asked her to just. hold me to doing them. We don't start playing until the shot is done. so my needle fear doesn't matter because now it's Wasting™ her time and I have to do it quick. Using one neurosis to defeat another.
It's a horrible coping mechanism because it's feeding the inconvenience fear, but it is definitionally a coping mechanism.
#im a 'has a panic attack during every injection or iv theyve ever gotten' type of scared of needles#no it genuinely has nothing to do with pain the needle itself is the fear not the using of it#like i told this story before but i have these sewing pins with lil bow ties on them and i had to get my dad to take all the blue ones out#because they were triggering the same part of my brain iv needles do#just the sight of them with the rest of my cute sewing pins was a problem#And the fear of being an inconvenience is so bad i cant eat around people or be in crowded spaces or talk at get togethers#without being paralyzed by fear of Being In The Way. its so bad ive been avoiding using my power chair bc it makes me take up#slightly more space than i would just standing. and i never took my manual out and about because i moved too slowly in it#and i dont take my crutches on planes despite using them everyday bc they cant fold up like my cane can and so are In The Way#one of the big reasons i dont use the chairs in stores is they have back up alarms. and i hate making noises in public#Yes this is part of the reason i want a Rottweiler for my service dog because i want people to look at the doggie Not Me.#I like people! i like being friendly and talking and making little connections with strangers!!! But i cant be the one to initiate or#be In The Way of a peaceful moment#dont look at me#this is also a big issue i have with making friends or changing the nature of a relationship because like. im autistic#I have Rules for social interactions memorized that i will follow. but moving people from one category to another#is difficult. It is too the point i had problems for litteral years talking to my boyfriend as though#he was a person i knew well and cared deeply for because i kept using the 'rando guy im flirting with on the Internet' script#I have commissioners i want to be friendlier with but my brain says No Stop that is an Impolite and Overly informal way to talk to#a customer™ despite them not being customers when they arnt in the commission process#im like thise huskies who are scared of carpet because its Different than the floor they're currently standing on#its Too different:(#and to be clear i am Completely aware of how none of this makes logical sense and is in fact deeply self destructive#That does not fix it. it is so ingrained in my head that im certain i could convince my brain to let me bite off my own fingers#before i could convince it to let me talk to someone at a help desk or ask my order be corrected at a restaurant
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headcanon that scorpius was a sick child and was in and out of hospital constantly, perhaps related to astoria's blood curse but not directly. his immune system isnt very strong, and everytime he gets sick they're terrified that it's the blood curse but also whatever else it could be, because it's always so sudden and so intense and they call healers over to the house who recommend this delirious feverish 4 year old is hospitalised immediately, and you'd think it'd get easier to some extent because they'd be used to it, but everytime they feel like this is it, this is the time he'll walk in to the hospital and not walk out again
#this headcanon has no purpose im just thinking of scorpius in bed like a sickly victorian child with scarlet fever or something#asking if he'll make it to sunrise lmfao#so then he hates hospitals with a passion#my friend from school was in them constantly he was even a make a wish kid and he can not fucking stand the places so#headcanon scorpius becomes a healer anyway lmao#im sick and this is how im coping by putting baby scorp in hospital lmfao#it just made draco that little bit more protective#lucius made an insensitive comment about it once and draco was ready to throw hands#this headcanon doesnt really go anywhere ive just decided scorpius was a sick child#he has sick child energy lmfao#he still knows some of his doctors/healers because he was there so frequently#just imaging lil scorp in a hospital bed and draco and astoria are sleeping in the room on like uncomfortable chairs and the fever finally#breaks and hes like uh daddy im hungry and its like 4am but draco couldnt care less cause scorp hasnt been able to eat anything for days#let alone ask for food directly and baby scorp is wondering why his parents are acting so damn weird just cause he asked for some toast#but once hes grown up whenever he gets sick its on such a lower level than what it used to be when he was a kid because his immune system#got better that he struggles to gauge when other people would usually stop trying to do daily activities and albus has to start wrestling#scorpius back to bed instead of going to class cause scorpius really youre practically dying and hes like pfff you wanna see dying? use tha#timeturner one more time and go back to see me at literally any point between 2 and 10 i am FINE#(he absolutely was not fine)#scorpius malfoy#albus potter#draco malfoy#hpcc#scorbus#this is so many tags im so sorry
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DID YOU SEE THAT TARGET IS GONNA START SELLING COMBAT SUIT CHARLES FIGURES SOMETIME NEXT YEAR?????? HE LOOKS SO GOOD
https://marvelousnews.com/252-36312
a little birdy DID tell me and i cannot wait to stare at it for half an hour in the aisle when i should be getting cereal.......
#snap chats#im still miffed he isnt automatically sold with his chair idc if there are rumors they WILL sell A FIGURE with his chair#his chair should be a default accessory dont piss me off#speaking of being pissed off chat this birthday is a fucking NIGHTMARE I HAVE TO HOST#i just met my moms childhood friend. for the first time ever. the fuck#and she was like 'oh you look exactly like your mom 😊 even when you smile you look just like her 😊' like just tell me to die#thatd be kinder i think that womans hiding in her room rn cause she hates her family jAEKRJERAKLJ#whatever theres enough people here they can just start talking to each other ill be fine#idfk wher my brother dipped off to .... dawg help me ....#i want one of these cookies so bad ... i aint sharin tho.. not with these bozos ...#but it gotta be rigth yk what i mean. my sister and i have this terrible habit of hoarding and never using thigns#until 'the right moment' and this goes for literally everything no matter how big/small in/expensive its so bad#BUT YOURE SUPPOSED TO EAT FOOD YOU CANT HOARD THAT plus ... caramel coconut sounds delicious ...#i need these people out of mY WHO IS TAT THE FUCKING DOOR WHO ELSE IS HERE#anyway. i need people out of my house.
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⚠️
#hey everyone! i don’t talk with too many people on this heaven-site but i’d like to give a little context in regards to#why i’m taking too long to answer replies/texts.#first i'd like to apologize for the huge delay in answering these messages!#also... i'm certainly going through burnout and my health is really weak due to stress#and other health stuff. i was studying matrices after work yesterday and poof! fainted and almost fell out of my chair lmaoo#but now i’m resting a lot (i didn’t go to uni today lol) and eating better and i’m sure i’ll be fine quite soon to#answer delayed messages and keep rewriting my fic (and some lyric analyses are on the way too! 🫣)#hope you lot are doing well 🩷 lots of love!#jules.txt
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Ok. Real question. How many people Actually have believed in Santa? Bc I never did, mostly bc my dad never bothered with the entire pretense, so the whole concept is just. Really fucking strange to me
Putting an actual poll bc I feel like I'm losing my mind a bit thinking about how apparently widespread it is. Like. It's just so... weird? Why is this the thing people have popularized? It makes no sense.
#speculation nation#polls#like ok my dad's an atheist raised by jewish parents so xmas has never really been a religious sort of holiday to me#we celebrate it bc it's fun to give gifts and spend time with family#but that's... it.#all the lore and mythos of xmas is just so weird to me#like baby jesus etc etc but now here comes saint nicholas with the steel chair! (breaking into your house to eat your cookies#and leave presents Only for the rich kids! why only the rich ones? uhmmm Dont worry about it!)#genuinely speaking my dad's worked at ups my whole life so growing up he'd say he (and the rest of his coworkers) were the real santas#said as a joke mostly bc theyre the ones Actually delivering the packages#but i took it to heart. told people at school that my dad was the Real santa.#no one believed me lol which i found quite frustrating.#but yeah i have never once in my entire life believed in Santa#and im content with that. it seems like such a stupid thing i will be honest.#'what about the magic of christmas' what about the poor kids who dont get gifts & feel abandoned by this all-powerful man?#in fact why do we Want kids to not think it's their parents giving gifts? they cant thank the right people if we trick them.#it's a convoluted setup that makes absolutely 0 sense to me#trust me christmas had more than enough 'magic' for me as a kid just bc of all the cool lights and all the free gifts#dont need some mythological man who can travel the globe in one night and is a professional in B&E#makes no sense for Real.#there was a time with my ex step siblings where me n my sister were told not to spoil the fun for them#so i had to pretend like santa existed as they opened presents marked from him#and even back then i was just thinking 'this is So Dumb'#this is an anti santa zone i guess. me and myself hate the popularized version of this strange strange belief system.
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hi everyone, this is my monthly check-in <3
#not feeling so great lately...there's a lesion on my other knee now#and it most likely is cancer.#they want me to wait another 10 days for an mri???? like ur crazy#if u think i can wait that long.#sighhhhhhhhh.#anyway.#some cool things have happened#like spending all day in nyc with my partner on friday <3333#and um. i did wnt to vent about smth so uh.#ED tw#lately#my energy has been too low for me to wanna cook. which in turn made my stomach shrink a LOT#since i've been surviving by grazing on snacks.#and i didnt even realize i lost weight until i went to the doctor.#i didnt realize though that it would be even MORE lost when i weighed myself without my winter clothes#and uhhhh. i currently weigh what i weighed in my senior year of high school#which is the FIRST time i've been under a certain number in over SIX YEARS.#and i havent struggled at all w body negativity or ED thoughts in over a couple years. but.#now that my ideal gender expression has shifted more to the feminine side. and now that ive lost weight.#my brain INSTANTLY latched onto that#and was like omg YES do more of that#and it feels nice. this time im FINALLY not struggling to suppress my appetite!!! my body is doing that for me!#and obviously im still eating enough to live on#but still a huge caloric deficit. and rn my wheelchair shit keeps breaking on me. my mobility company is INCOMPETENT.#and my insurance might tell me i have to wait FIVE MORE YEARS for another type of chair......I WILL DIE BY THEN.#ugh everything is so complicated now. and im ALWAYS exhausted bc the sun sets at 4:30. i've just stopped binging and i replaced it with+#a LOT. of retail therapy. i've easily spent probably 1500 of my credit limit in the last 2 months. but you know.#that and not eating are 2 of the ONLY things i can control rn. out of all the fucking bullshit these useless people and my body put me thru#anyway. i'm sure you can tell how i feel rn. i'm just going to try doing anything else today.#vent
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"Biz, what would you like for your birthday this year?"
"For nobody to misgender me for a day."
Turned out too much to ask (:
#tw: transphobia#tw: misgendering#literally every person i had to talk to today misgendered me#my mom kept misgendering me over and over again even in trying to correct people#“HER pronouns are they/them” i'm going to eat the fucking sun and shit#every doctor and nurse i spoke to kept calling me she/her#“IT'S FUCKING THEY/THEM I AM NOT A GIRL"#everyone reacts like i'm some special snowflake bedwetter that can't take misgendering#when the reality is that i have never gone a single day in my LIFE where i haven't been misgendered#oh and my doctor's office was too narrow for my wheelchair which was humiliating#and i had to spend 3 hours trying to explain to mom in a way that actually made a difference WHY it matters to not misgender me#and finally it clicked at hour 3 with “YOU'RE DESCRIBING TO STRANGERS WHAT MY FUCKING GENITALS LOOK LIKE AND IT FREAKS ME OUT”#“i hadn't thought about it that way”#oh and my doctor rolled her eyes at seeing a 32 year old in a wheelchair like i was malingering in a $5k chair#and demanded to know why i use it when it wasn't relevant to my visit AT ALL#my younger and older siblings BOTH treated me like shit for my gender identity so i wound up agender#because jesus fucking christ how insecure are you fucking cunts that you can't stand NOT being the only son/daughter to our mom#so i chose to be nothing!!! and they STILL won't fucking just live and let live#everybody's gotta hate biz for fucking something and that includes gender#*biz unsubscribes from gender* “hey >:(”#i hate my life#this was literally the worst birthday in my fucking life#had to starve myself of sleep to get up at 6am to drive 4 hours to a 20 minute appointment#misgendered 100% of the time while i couldn't get my wheelchair into any exam room because the doors were too narrow#questioned for needing a wheelchair. looked at like a child for being trans. clueless mom that wouldn't back me up.#and siblings that hate me because my mom genuinely likes my company more and it's because the two of them are so selfish#they won't bother to treat our mom with basic respect or interest in her as a human being outside of a mother when i do#but THEY can't be the problem. it has to be something MY fault
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sighh... zor's death traps don't get enough attention on this god damned website...
#i replayed the intro to 1 for the first time in a while when i went to go grab my speedrun times#i forgot... i forgot how. cartoonishly terrifying it is#you guys literally forgot about the lake full of acid and drills from the sky 🤨 and lasers and sawblades and sharks on standby#they have SHARKS. they have EELS. that probably EAT people#they have the DRILL... the FUCKED UP DRILL#WHEN is zor going to tie me to a chair and submit me to their scary torture chamber who said that
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had my 25 minutes of quirkiness induced dopamine I am nauseous and afraid now
#i got a little gelato cup thingy from the convenience store on campus and was eating it outside which attracted . some unwanted attention#weirdly the stares of fascination were funny and made me feel special briefly before i realised i looked like an attention seeker#although honestly. i just wanted some fucking gelato despite it being -3°C that's all it was so im not defacto an attention seeker#its people that are attention givers. MIND YA DAMN BUSINESS!#it was kinda funny tho which made me feel special idk 😭 that was before i started getting all self conscious and pessimistic#then I made a spontaneous decision to go downtown and now i regret that decision bc im sitting on display furniture in some stupid#department store#the thing is. my dad was going to be late to pick me up from the bus stop either way so its not all in vain#but i think I should've just stayed at the university in a comfortable chair for an hour instead of coming all the way here. 😶#i thought i would have fun. i was deeply wrong#z.post
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quick dreamsnso i can find them later
#eating pine branches at grandmas.#lived next door.#renting.#pine branches were really tasty and chewy like ... soupy tootsie rolls?#tried to sneak up on sister#while holding a plastic bag#found. she thought i was soemthing worse. also had been followed by crows for awhile#went back home. grandparents mom and uncles gave me 21 cents and advice on how to have a good birthday on the dime#played sonic the hedgehog with mom except ive never played sonic before in my life so it definitely wasnt that#more like animal crossing with an explore / battle mode?#and you could only pick from 3 characters#mom played with me. i was surprised.#. next dream#exploring a minecraft like world. big mansion#somehow end up in hell#i fall down and loose my exit. have to fight invisible ghasts and monsters until i can explore and find a way back#find a way back. no tools. hard to find resources to make a pickaxe in this mansion.#im with a bunch of people and mocked for not being able to find twigs#someone destroys a chair and hands me a bundle of twigs#i know the next step is to go punch a tree but all the trees growing here are pretty and i dont want to#later theres some ceremony. funeral maybe but with more religious undertones?#i have to wear a dress#and am handed heavy dangly earrings to wear#after i mourn and gather myself. some sort of special symbolism.#i take longer to mourn than the crowd of others would like#wearing the earrings themselves feels like tremendous grief to me. the weight of doing something I Am Not.#then they ask me to put on eyeshadow too#all of this in a very feminine way mind you#i tear tf out of there and flee#i run into more people in the hallway. somehow this place ends up being the church i grew up in
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As someone who gets irrationally angry when people (esp my family who know I have to sit in the same spot) take my seat, I really want to know what other people feel
#what bothers me the most#is that my mom has a designated spot#and everyone knows#so no one sits in it#I have a designated spot#but i all the time come home from school or work an find my dad is sitting in it#or like at the sunroom table#there's six other chairs#and plenty of spots on the couch#so WHY do people take my spot#i specifically started sitting there because no one else did#and have sat there for years#and i tell them to move#and i tell them it makes me upset when they sit there#AN D THEY DONT RESPECT IT#grrrrrrrr#like at the dinner table if we have guests and they sit there i'll move#(or more likely chose not to eat at the table)#but normally i'll let them know beforehand hey this is my spot if you would've mind chosing a different place to sit#idk#its so small#but i hATE people taking my spot#or like in the cafeteria or on buses or whatever#i find a spot that no oneelse is in#and then stick to it#polls#kestrel calls
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