#This is actually the WORST THING Ive ever made in my entire life
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#philip wittebane#babybel#technically-#This is actually the WORST THING Ive ever made in my entire life#hiiii tumblr....#(I'm afraid)#...#traced from that one image of the collector.#huzzah
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Headcannons about Astarion and his PTSD
Tws// PTSD nightmares and attacks, disassociation, sexual trauma, Astarion’s backstory stuff, minor spoilers for unascended Astarion’s ending. Minors begon
A quick note before we start; PTSD manifests itself differently on a case to case basis. Thats why its so hard to understand, even amongst people who have it; two people who experienced the same traumatic event may react completely differently from one another to certain things. That being said, these are just my headcannons for Astarion based off of my experiences with PTSD.
Astarion’s nightmares have always been rough on him. They didn’t come every night, not like they used to, but when they did, there was no telling how he’d react when he woke up.
He may blink awake, that oh so familiar feeling of dread but also of pure numbness creeping over him. He would sit staring at the ceiling for hours, or at least until you woke up, nearly thoughtless the entire time.
When you noticed, he sometimes wanted to scoot closer and cuddle you, other times just humming an acknowledgement of your awakening before zoning out again. He would eventually get up and moving, but for a few hours, he felt like a complete detachment of himself.
Other times, he would jolt awake, not recognizing you as the one safe thing in his entire life. He lashed out at you once, demanding you leave, scrambling for his knife. He was shaking so hard he couldn’t even pick it up. When those red eyes softened in familiarity, the guilt that swamped him was the worst thing he’d ever felt.
Occasionally, he would awaken in a similar trance of not recognizing you. He would usher you out of bed and insist you had to go, leave, run for the woods and never look back. If you don’t, you’ll never see the light of day again. He will get you.
You knew these times were draining for him, and some days, he just needed some time to sit and reflect for a while; reflect on everything for the past two hundred years, from having his freedom cruelly ripped away, then regaining it, then losing it all over again. It was a lot for you just hearing about it, so you could only imagine how overwhelming it could be to him.
He still tried not to let it rule his life, though, and thats where you came in. You made an easy distraction, something to focus on and give to, something normal.
At times he would lose his focus, but you were always there to keep him on track. While you weren’t the cure for his trauma, you helped to guide him through it as he built comfort in himself and his new life.
You were there through the anxiety, the panic, the angry outbursts. Gods, he always felt terrible for those. But you stayed, because you knew about him, and you knew why, and you knew he was trying. You by no means made excuses for him, but you never shamed him for the things he couldn’t help.
Your patience was the thing he didn’t know he needed. Your understanding, your empathy. Things he would have found weaknesses a mere month ago were the reasons he loves you now. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.
..
Super quick hcs, ive got some actually good ones rotting away just need to remember where I put them
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why are you comparing you being depressed and suicidal to being trans that is messed up i mean ive followed you for a while and your nice but what is that
TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION BECAUSE ANON BROUGHT IT UP READ CAREFULLY OR SCROLL AWAY
Let's take a look at what I actually said.
And it comes to neopronouns- you're basically saying that you aren't a person, or something to that effect, it depends on the person. So as for it making somone happy... I disagree with that because of what the Bible says. Jeremiah 17:9, The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? Our feelings and emotions and flesh lie to us all the time. If you're a runner, you know that! Your body is screaming at you that this is the worst thing ever and you are going to die if you don't give up right now, but then a chase comes on and you're able to sprint at top speed for thirty seconds and go, 'Huh, I guess I was able to do that.' Our bodies and minds lie to us, all the time. That's a big thing about mental health too- there are some days that there is nothing I want to do more than pack up and leave my entire life behind without telling anyone and intentionally hurt them by this. And then once in a while there are worse days when suicidal ideation gets the better of me and I'm standing at the edge of a river not that far from my house and contemplating drowning myself. But I don't. Because my mind and body and feelings are deceptive. And I listen to God and what He says. Because what He says is always good, beautiful, and true. And far above me and anything about me. He is strong where I am weak. And I, in my flesh, apart from Him, am weak in everything. It's the same here. It's the same with every other sin. My feelings are weak and changeable, and my body and mind work together to decieve me into desiring things that are terrible for me. And same with every other person ever. So wanting to do something just because it feels good or makes you happy isn't a good reason for doing a lot of things. Just because being called eir/ehm would make you happy doesn't mean its a good reason. Just because getting drunk would make you happy doesn't mean its a good reason. Just because mastubating makes you happy doesn't mean its a good reason. And this comes to gay relationships too, or being trans, or no gender, or any of that. Just because it makes you feel good doesn't mean its a good reason.
The point I was making was that the heart is decietful above all things, and we can't trust it, or our feelings. A lot of the time if you 'feel' a certain way about something, it doesn't make it true. Literally could not have made it any clearer.
Also- I'm not depressed or suicidal. Those titles belong to actual victims of mental illness who are struggling and it is terrible. If I waved around my problems and claimed that they are just as bad and that my 'trauma' should be considered equal to theirs- that's totally wrong.
Years ago, I was in the beginning stages of depression. I had symptoms of depression. Ones that required help. But I did not have it 'bad enough' for it to be actually depression, and praise God for that. Inflating this to act like I'm worse off than I am as a cry for attention when I do not struggle with this anymore is wrong. I'm healed and a very happy person once more, because of His goodness.
Oh, and same with being suicidal. I have never been suicidal. There have been several specific points where I have struggled with suicidal ideation, and contemplating killing myself in that moment or that day or week- but as soon as I was reminded of the TRUTH in God, it left. And these points are very spotty and have lots of time between them. When you're suicidal, its something that sticks with you for an extended amount of time and is constantly plaguing you. There is a HUGE difference between having moments of suicidal ideation and actually being suicidal. You need different kinds of help. The thing about me maybe having a suicidal session for few hours once every few months to even a year, is it always comes from an event that has incredibly extreme emotions and because whatever happened trigged my way over-the-top-wants-to-kill-me-brain, which sent me down a spiral of the worst path possible.
But guess what? It's never worked. I'm still alive, aren't I? Praise God! Because I've never listened to my feelings. I've always waited until my mind could hear reason again and listened to God and His truth. And over time, its gotten easier and easier and quicker and quicker to wrestle my mind back into submission of the Father. Because I've gotten used to it and know how my mind works better, but also because I have gained new tools to help me. The last time I had a ideation moment (which, ironically, was like, a few days ago) it lasted less than an hour. Less than an hour of me thinking of why I should off myself. But then I used the tools I needed to use and came before God and He pulled me from the brink. And the time before that was like... four months ago. A looooong time! It gets longer each one. Praise God.
You might say that I used a way too extreme example and that I'm wrong. But the point is we should never let our emotions get the better of us, no matter how extreme they are- emotions are temporary but the glory of God is forever. This applies to everything ever.
#sunkissedliterarylightofchrist#asks#anon#low key overshared with this but i need people to stop bringing it up#God has healed me- boom end of story#dont worry#tw sui ideation#tw suicide
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WIBTA for telling my (online) friends that them ignoring my birthday kinda hurt?
so it was my birthday the other day and like nobody save 2 very cool friends said anything abt it before i mentioned it to them. which makes sense and is entirely fucking logical for most of em. like my irls were busy that day and most of the online ones i just sctually never told or like just said once ages ago. cuz like being vague and mysterious is fucin fun idk.
but theres this one (online) friend group who ive like been much more open with shit abt, and i know for a fact ive told at least one of em abt my birthday, i'll call em E, and not a singe one of thoe people (who i probably care the most deeply about in terms of online homies) made even a passing remark abt it until i mentioned it. and like the worst bit is like. the one person i for sure told earlier, E, promised to do smth cool for my bday and they didnt say anything too :( like im not genuinely trying to hold them accountable for that, it was like many months ago but it still hurts.
but like heres the kicker
im genuinely not sure ive ever told anyone else in that group. like one incident of me bein elusive on purpose recently went ss follows
me > when are yalls bdays? this is very important information, respond urgently
non E friend > what about you mf
me > all will be revealed in due time
and then the plan was to say mine in a very dramatic fashion once everyone else did but a. not everyone ended up responding and b. it took a while and i just fuckin forgot
and with E in particular, like just earlier today they said they were busy with actual real life things pretty much the whole week which held that fateful day
so like it feels like it would be a huge dick move to tell them abt how im feeling and also the group as a whole is kinda talking less lately and idwana further that by posibly starting some shit, WIBTA in doing so?
What are these acronyms?
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if you don’t mind my asking, what were the best/worst parts about living in ireland to you?
stuff i LOVED: everyone was the nicest person ive ever met im not even JOKING... wahh... my first day some lady paid my bus fair and was just so overwhelmingly kind about it... i loved living in dublin for the ability to go into a city (i am from a very rural area and it was LOVELY) and see big old buildings and museums and pubs and get to do all these things that i just never had the option to do... public transportation ruled.... and i got to TRAVEL for so much cheaper than we do in the USA and i made a lot of FRIENDS both international and irish and american.... went to irish oktoberfest with a bunch of germans and italians and taught them how to play FLIP CUP cuz they didnt know... went to scotland with my roommates and friends.... drank a lot of guinness and walked around all the parks... saw the bog bodies at the natural history museum... got drunk adn walked around temple bar... bahhh i REALLY did like it whenever i wasnt trapped inside the house...
Stuff i HATED under the cut it has truly nothing to do with the country it was my living situation. lol. well actually im gonna be honest the weather was ASS but i knew that goin in. got to see some rainbows who CARES:
um the BIGGEST THING. was that my living situation was five alarm bell insane. i had to pick a place before flying over so i only saw it over facetime(RUH ROH) and my landlords did not seem interested in providing me and my roommates (two other american girls in their mid twenties) with a liveable space like at all. they never turned the heat on (i was shivering literally constantly. the other girls showered at the university bc it was literally too cold to do it at home. AND they didnt let us buy any electronics without prior approval so we could not buy like. a space heater. it was CRAZY i could see my breath in my ROOM...). they didnt allow any visitors not even my MOM to let me move in. there was a curfew they didnt tell us about. we didnt have a sink in our kitchen (and we had to walk outside to a different part of the building to access it). there was mold EVERYWHERE.AND apparently the reason we were living there was to fund house renovations so they were constantly kicking us out of our rooms to let in builders/construction people (one of the final straws was my roommate coming back from xmas break to find that they had moved her and ALL her stuff out of her room to do a renovation literally without telling her lol. they moved a WALL and we didnt have a SINK STILL...). they tried to enter my room without my permission. and all of this was PROHIBITIVELY expensive like genuinely i could have gotten a studio with the fees i was paying (and they made us pay in cash so. ATM fees compounded all that lol) BUT. they had us trapped in this ILLEGAL lease that stipulated that if we moved out we would owe our ENTIRE remaining rent for the agreed lease period. we sent this to a lawyer later he was like these guys are buckshit insane. i firmly believe they chose american girls and didnt let our parents like. even see the exterior of the house because they knew our moms would call bullshit immediately but WHATEVERRR... anyways after i left i found out that they had a secret baby that they didnt tell us about either. CRAZY!!!!
my school program also was not the most rigorous AND my migraine symptoms started while i was over there soooooo in addition to literally being cold ALL the time, i had NO idea what was going on with my head/health + i didnt really have the resources to find a new place/fight with my landlords + i was rapidly running out of money bc of how expensive everything about my housing was + i wasnt even getting the education i wanted because my professors sucked ass. so when i went home for winter break i just didnt come back ! and i got my roommates to send my stuff to the states. it was like the most insane six months of my life i lost like ten pounds from stress lol
#my landlady also kept being like. well i just wanted to provide a safe space for international students <3 get FUCKED lady#anyways i was posting like a fiend bc i was confined to bed the entire time i was living there in an attempt to simply conserve body heat#callie speaks#asks#here it is ireland: the STORY... i did and do love my roomies though madison and julia my GIRLS...#madison was trying to hashtag GIRLBOND the first week and kept hounding me for my celeb crushes so i performed heterosexuality#and showed her marc to get her off my back and the semester long joke was that i liked short guys. double homicide.#and then she came out as BISEXUAL. i was like how could you DO THAT 2 ME ?
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i just made and ate the worst fucking burrito ive ever tasted in my fucking life.
it was like a sensory issue nightmare, like biting into an live eel slathered in cream cheese, barbecue and tangy hot sauce. i had to use TWO fucking tortillas to wrap up the fucking thing so it would actually close, only to regret one second later after taking a 100 foot tsunami bite out of its ass and having it’s disgusting slimy guts spill into my mouth like wet trash.
I ended up finishing half of it and throwing the other half straight in the trash where it belongs because what kind of hell spawn of a meal did i just create. i then proceeded to rant for half an hour about it to my grandpa who was the embodiment of ‘idgaf’ the entire time as he calmly devoured his gourmet breakfast made by my grandma.
his breakfast was made with love, mine was made with the pure intention to curse the soul of whoever sank their teeth into the floury flesh of a burrito that looked like it was about to explode.
I talked about how if i ever went onto chopped or some other fuck ass cooking show and served this the judges would tell me to kill myself instead of properly criticizing my cooking. and i wouldn’t even get mad because i know damn well what i was doing and how it was going to turn out and then i would proceed to launch myself into oncoming traffic.
This burrito was so fucking bad it actually felt like a living breathing thing in my hands i almost threw up everywhere even having it in my presence.
heres the ingredients if you want to suffer
1 slimey cooked chicken with rubbery gelatin texture
1 microwaved smashed with a fork baby potato
2 microwaved tortillas
3 dollops of cream cheese on the inside
a moderate amount of barbecue sauce and tangy sriracha sauce
a tall glass of water incase you choke.
whatever
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🪐 my take on the outer planets 🪐
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saturn is constantly given a bad rap just because it does its job- saturn's placement in your chart isn't always a bad thing- it can signify difficulties in that area of your life, yes, but it can also tell you what you have unwavering resolve in (especially if you're saturn ruled or saturn is positively aspected)
for example, my saturn is in my 1st house in leo (cancer rising) and I've seen people say that saturn in the 1st house can indicate a fear of growing old or being lonely, whatever- my personal experience with this placement is, ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you i am fucking petrified of losing myself- losing my mind, losing who i am and dying early are my worst fears (dreams in which im dying are NOT the best ive ever had 😮💨)
but as a result of this, i know myself SO well. i do think saturn in the 1st house can indicate issues with finding yourself IF it's afflicted, which mine isn't (thank god 💔💔💔)
im also very scared of growing out of touch with the world around me- dont get me wrong, i love being a hermit, but if im ever that old man that can't understand trends or whatever and is overly cynical of younger generations... dawg- take me the fuck out 😕
uranus i LOOOOVEEEEE and i think it stands for so much more than just rebellion- my uranus has a LOT of power in my chart (so does my neptune but they're in mutual reception 😮💨) because my moon is cusped (1° pisces, but i feel both pisces and aquarius influence 💔), and it and my mercury im pretty sure are why i think backwards as fuck- (fun fact, my mercury is FIRMLY direct but it likes to act like it's in retrograde 💔💔💔💔)
but!! more interestingly, i have a very specific mental process where whenever im goin thru it, i cant stay goin thru it for a while- if my brain is fucked up for a little too long and i start getting pissed about it, my uranus takes over and legitimately propels me through the pain in almost an instant. i could be going through something for weeks and once i start getting pissed about it or legitimately bored of it, the next day it's like nothing ever happened BUT i still learned from it
ofc I have to do something to trigger that effect, which is where my mars in cancer comes in and i do a workout to tap into the physical catharsis and BOOM, go to bed and wake up the next day a new man 🙏🙏🙏 god bless 🙏🙏🙏
neptune Ok i am not entirely sure what made whoever said neptune is the higher octave of venus think that but I've never been able to see it. this might be controversial as hell but neptune is the higher octave of the moon to me and jupiter is the higher octave of venus. THAT BEING SAID-
neptune is an absolutely fascinating planet to me lately and im not sure why- i do have a couple transit aspects with it right now but ive wanted to write about it literally all day now- U KNOW i might love it so much bc it's in my 8th house actually that would make sense- ANYWAY-
neptune to me is the source of all the visions from god i get, especially my creative ones- (source: it came to me in a vision from god.) the moon is a very creative placement in my opinion (i have a WILDLY different idea of the moon that i can go over in another post), so neptune follows a similar current, but neptune is higher creativity, higher emotion, etc- it's the planet of spirituality and the absolute depths of our subconscious, like to the point of past lives, that's the kinda shit neptune fucks with
but because it's also the higher octave of the moon, to me it can absolutely represent addictions and vices, everything garbage- personally, my neptune isn't very afflicted at all but i also have a major lack of earth in my chart so i Do find myself experiencing classic neptune-based paranoia sometimes- fuck dude i went neurotic for a week at one point, that was some serious neptune delusion- But my uranus/saturn pulled me back from it, because like i said, saturn makes me petrified of losing myself, so those two joined forces like "ya this shit ain't cool actually take it out back and shoot it"
i might make a post on specifically neptune stuff soon and/or right after this bc the hyperfixation is hyperfixating 💔💔
pluto i FUCK with because it's such a soul searchy planet (my 8th house is very active so ofc i fuck with pluto) in the darkest ways and i love that shit- jonathan davis has his pluto in a fucking mastery degree (29° virgo) and i am to this day like 😦 over it- and it makes SO much sense for him to have PLUTO of all planets in a mastery degree- and i have mine in 26° sag so like im not that far behind... 💔
but dude that's mastery of some SERIOUS transformative powers- that's mastery of the wildly darker shit in life and that is so fucking tight to me- i value that kinda stuff more than anything dude- probably why korn is my fav band (been listening to them as i write this 😭😭)
one thing abt pluto that i DONT agree with tho, and this is more of a scorpio thing BUT i know everyone loves to say scorpios are the sexy signs but dawg... it's cancers... i swear 2 god it's cancers- i will write an entire fucking post on cancers and why i HATE everyone's interpretations of them bc everyone's like "cnanncers are cRYBbaueiis and tHyeyre the most emOtIknal siGnsns 💔💔💔" Bro. Bro. Bro dont do me like that for the love of god. that shit made me hate my rising sign for SO long and also not relate to it!!!! then i started doin my own research and found out "Oh fuck nvm im totally a cancer"
BUT if you look at pluto like the actual God- nowhere in his mythology (that I read anyway- i could be wrong i dont wanna act like i know everything) does it say anything abt him ruling over sex or sumn like that- but everyone says pluto rules over sex!!!!!! Where!!!!!!!!!!! dawg they said he was a god of abundance bc he ruled over the underworld and gems and stuff were found underground 😭😭😭
i do think pluto fucks with taboo shit though But back in the ye olden days when astrology was being developed, sex was not taboo at all, that's a new development that i think uranus fucks with more because uranus is a very future focused planet in my humble opinion
i could definitely keep writing but i think this is already a novel SO- to specify tho, this is all my opinion of the planets, ive read PLEEEEEENTY of books and stuff so by no means do i not know how this shit works, but my uranus makes me rip everything apart and make my own take so 💔
#astrology#astro observations#astro community#outer planets#saturn#uranus#neptune#pluto#astrologer#space
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a funny thing- ch 24/25 word dump
WUAHAHAHA 4AM BABEY YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS
i’ve been cookin low and slow with this one and i mean real slow like. too slow . as in 2 weeks later whoops
this one’s a real doozy so grab a snack
FIRST PAGE ON THE GOSUKU TAG WHEN YOU SORT BY KUDOS LETS GOOOOOOO major rweiser W
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ch 24
thinking abt yuuji flying down the sidewalk and megumi becoming the equivalent of a flag whipping behind him pls yuuji not everyone can keep up 😭
fred says fuck
mmmmmm crunchy cookies i love me some egg shell
yeah with cooking, you can play around with the measurements and adjust along the way, but baking is whole different beast :[ i made creme brulee for our new year dinner, my first time baking actually, and i was terrified the entire process cus one wrong step and its over (they turned out good in the end, though i wanted to leave it in the fridge longer)
sukuna and uraume on the same wavelength love that
daww megumi just be a kid its okay
gojo’s nicknames for toji PLS father-fushi and fraidy-guro
hehehe he technically called sukuna pretty ,, i agree
LMAOOOOO AINT NO WAYY OFC HE SABOTAGED HIM
i feel like toji would actually do well in getting sales (if he had the proper cookies) considering he’s “a pro at freeloading off women” which leads me to believe he’s got hella charisma .
“Fushiguro stops just before the table, one hand balled into a fist so tight, the muscles of his arm are easy to see, flexing dangerously beneath his skin.” uwwheheheerhfbud sorry
OH SHT THE GIRLIES ARE FIGHTING YOOOOOOOO AND SUKUNA JUMPING IN FOR GOJO ???? in front of the kids in a school fundraiser is crazy lmao
pinky
gojo taking bets on who’s gonna win reminded me of mei mei betting on the gojo-sukuna fight
i had a crazy amount of secondhand embarrassment going thru that hhhhhh yknow that feeling when you just wanna curl up and cover ur eyes and you’re fighting to even look back ? yeaaaaa
“Hurting people is bad. And you’re not bad!” ohh yuuji ughhh he has no idea of what sukuna was before, that he’s done more than hurt people .. children really only see the side of their parents that they’ve allowed to show them. it’s why kids usually think the highest of them, so yuuji saying that sukuna’s not bad gets me cus he’s known and seen only the best of him. but it makes me feel gooey inside cus, while everyone else sees the former king of curses, yuuji sees his dad and when he does eventually find out, he’ll still always be his dad before anything else (does this make sense i hope it makes sense im trying to make my thoughts coherent)
oh hey they’re talking abt it !
I GASPED OH MY GOD PLEAS EOLASOE APLEAS EPLAS EPALEAPSLEAPSH NOOOOOOOOO FFGGHGBBVV HITTING MY BED GRFGHJVNGRRAAGGHHFEG
im being tortured i thinj you’re trying to kill me here this is the worst case of edging ive ever had in my life (no not like that)
post-chapter notes:
IM ALREAYD RIOTING YASTOP BLUE BALLING ME
id read real housewives of jujutsu sorcery
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ch 25
GRADE 1 ?? AS IN ONE ?? AS IN O N E ?? AS IN, YUUJI IS NO LONGER A PRESCHOOLER
when you said small time-skip, i thought you meant a few months later . i was wrong
aight time to update the time board: yuuji’s in first grade so he’s 6 yrs old, we’re in 2013 now (i think), gojo is 24 yrs old 23 yrs old (chap takes place during summer, bday not passed yet)
it’s 2013, he can get a 3ds now :D im gonna get him on smash bros . OR KID ICARUS UPRISING IT SHOULD BE OUT ALREADY
they should totally name the potential pet after me (jk)
OKAYYYY THATS A START HE KISSED HIM ON THE HEAD !! WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE :O now go lower. preferably on the li
oh yeah yeah definitely not together whatever helps you sleep at night man
im gonna need the bad bitches birthday bash one-shot someday with the way shoko’s bringing it up
the fact gojo’s heard the threat so many times before that he can finish it and brush it off
CANDY CRUSH !!?!??
AWWWWWW THATS ADORABLE ;____; sukuna wanting to do something to surprise gojo’s first day as a teacher and yuuji suggesting to make a cake cus he knows his daddy loves sweets AND they spent the whole day prepping awawawawaw so cutee
they called on uraume for help too LOL poor them
yuuji being a snitch HA i can’t help but think of my siblings
you can’t be serious gojo, not after that? people also don’t usually sleep and cuddle the homies cmon man
mother is mothering and mother is leading the herd (no but i love how he adapted to the role very easily, likely to prior experience)
whuh the fundraiser was last year ? am i overthinking the timeframe … ok im back after going thru the calendar that makes sense 👍 carry on wait hold on first semester of first grade ended so they’re on break ... summer break ?? unless this is going off of a different schooling system (oh yeah duh japan lol)
ohhh please let them meet mama-guro i can imagine the absolute shock on their faces trying to comprehend how someone like toji managed to marry someone like her 😭 bonus points if toji is much more softer around her too and the sheer whiplash of seeing him having ANY sort of loving side is enough to send gosuku into a spiral
“It’s exactly the type of thing Sukuna would never be caught dead wearing, which means Satoru must do all in his near-infinite power to make him wear it.” real
THESE THREE ARE RIDICULOUS LMAOOOOOO sorry kids your fathers are busy trying to one-up each other
“But, then again, these are just go-karts; how much damage could he really do?” famous last words before disaster
oh no
hey sukuna’s living life at least he’s having fun and that’s all that matters 🥰
not the pyramid projectiles
CONICAL AMMO !?$&7)-)26 MARIO KART IRL GONE WRONG oh my god its too late for this i need to sleep
OH MY GOD ??????
WHADDYA MEAN THEY’RE GONE ??????
post chap notes:
what just happened
no really what jusr happened
the amount of times i’ve said oh my god throughout the entire go-kart scene i was clutching my pearls
he recreates his reign in the silliest ways, all while wearing nice little red bow :3
nah i get it the entire first arc was dedicated to how messed up he was abt suguru so i understand the doubts but they’ve also near kissed multiple times .. unless they were super down with kissing the homies
“I sure hope nothing bad has happened to them...” STOP
#i spent a good chunk of time trying to figure out the time frame help#i was thoroughly entertained throughout ch 25#AYE BUT GO-KARTING IS AN EXTREME COMPETITIVE SPORT THO#mario kart can bring out the worst in ppl#ok sleepinfh now gn#a funny thing happened on the way to therapy#for weiserr#lai’s word dump n thoughts#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gosuku#sukugo
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I wanna rant about my opinions on certain characters and aphmaus own character (mainly the cast of the "smp") this may be garbled since im just going off whats on my mind rn
SMP and OG series talk
Now Im not the biggest fan of mystreet, but im not a hater, i think its og first three seasons are fine (third seasons plot was straight ass through) but after season 4 and all the multiverse and mcd and mystreet worlds are in the same timeline thing, kinda made things werid
(especially with season 4 oh my god wtf was that)
But now that i see how those characters are used now.....for fucking cocomau content...
...I can't really give mystreet shit cause its cast was sent right into kid sensory video hell or just hell since a lot of characters didn't end up in the cocomau smp unless it was highschool themed videos (RIP katelyn and travis, forever in highschool puragatory dimension)
But those who were spared from the waste bin were cursed with a experience worse than death
Character Regression and Character Assassination
The entire cast of the aphmau smp (and one video returning characters too) all have their worst traits put to eleven or are at their most basic traits of the trope of their character where they are competely soul-less or lose past development in their character as a whole
(or your pierce, and you get a competely different personality from the og series you were from)
Now the reason why everyone is like this is of course (kids channel now) and (everyones supposed to be in a server and are irl ppl now)
But...when i said characters have their worst traits put up to eleven, is for one reason
Its so aphmau and aarons actions look better in comparisson, since shes the all perfect main character that does no wrong and is so nice to everyone and...aaron is basically the mvp of the smp, best fighter, builder, and "hottest guy" on the server and is the mysterous loner or some shit.
(Fact I hate these two so fucking much)
littary aphmau is the most overdramatic marysue bitch ive ever seen when it comes to reasons why she has the right to go apeshit on her friends and i could bring up several videos, i really could, its not hard
noteablely, the many times she has decided to just kill her best friends or ruin her friends lives out of petty reasons and childish reasons none the less, and god this girl just loves getting pissy when someone does the exact thing she did to another, since only she can steal others stuff or blow up their house, or be overpowered to a point where shes just cheating.
But oh my god, jessica you know how to make me hate all the rest of your bitches too!
(besides noi, kim and pierce, they are perfect to me, noi is on thin ice tho)
KC, Zane, Ein and Aaron are on my list of bitches I wouldnt hesitate to fucking kill on sight if i saw their color coded asses spawn into a ACTUAL minecraft server. (ill get to that color coding thing too btw)
The Asshole and The Clown
Now fuck where do i begin with these four, like all of them over the past three to four years has become the most annoying and aggrevating characters
But, just so I don't pull someones nerve with the true "fan" favorites, Aaron, the jerrysue of the smp and basically her perfect half cause hes jusr her but as a man, he's a jackass that is never called out for his asshole behavior like every other male character is, hes always put as being smarter, better, stronger, and more attractive than any of the other guys too, basically being the best alpha male ever to exist....but not really, not even a single bit
I swear this is the worst verison of aaron ive ever seen in my life, the biggest try hard ive ever seen, all the girls wanna date him, always gloating when theres someone around he believes hes better than, and god he is not nice to others who arent good at building like him. Honestly, MAN ISNT NICE AT ALL!! like only time he is nice is of course to the purple stain that is his irl wife, like the times this guy was just violent for no reason, insulting or just aggrevated around anyone was just making me feel like...
aaron do you even like any of these people??, cause ive seen every way he talks to all of the cast and he sounds like he wants them all gone and dead so he can just be all cutesy and shy around aphmau, like dude if you think all of them are annoying, dont live near by them?????
(Now, ive mentioned both the channel mascot couple of the smp, but heres the thing, when i said the other characters make these two look like angels, i mean it)
Now we are actually really digging, and we didnt even need to go far, we've already struct gold!...but theres not much...
Ein, the worst villian and most pathetic man to ever live.
What a time, season 4 of mystreet! and we got the biggest clown with the biggest alpha complex to ever exist! and the evolution of a creep in werewolves as a whole....it was fucking werid
Anyway, now smp ein is a true irl villian, hes no longer just a anime incel, hes a fucking sexist gamer incel also!
Now, Ein really isnt too interesting (wow what a surprise) really hes one of the characters who has been put to his most basic traits making him extra annoying, extra obessed with power and, of course still be madly in love with aphmau but if it wasnt known, aphmau changed alittle bit of eins lore, making him no longer related to her (only in the smp cannon tho���) which is a good thing! but its only a change that was made for horrible reasons, being that she still needs him to be aarons rival and as i said before, be aphmaus possible second "choice", which is...normal for aphmau honestly....
(Aphmau can't have a single man on this server just not be into her, even if the guy clearly has a love interest thats not her)
Strangely though she really likes to romantically pair Ein with everyone, even men, so at least we know she still has that problem with her ocs...
Hes like her little lab rat and i hate her so so much, but fuck its hard to feel bad for him since this women will than have this man be the worlds second most grossiest sexist incel you could ever come across
wait did I say second--
Zane ro'meave and his several counts of "GET A JOB, STAY AWAY FROM HER"
(mystreet zane is fine, mcd zane is the perfect kinda villain for what mcd was, and smp zane is hell on earth, the end)--
Zane in the aphmau smp is kinda...a jumpscare in a half since you never know when hes gonna switch, cause...he has the biggest habit of either, being the biggest smartass in the room or the scariest "my lady" ass incel you could ever fucking dream apon, just every bit of his charm from mystreet that made you kinda push aside the slight every now and than werid behavior he had, its just GONE
absolutely vanished! and yknow what
I hate zane, i hate him more than i hate anyone in this damn cast, im the biggest zane hater you will ever meet, and the reason for it is cause this verison of zane is the dark universe of if zane never grew from the FIRST season of mystreet, never got humbled or anything, and also if he still acted like a hormone filled highschooler whenever any women even looked his fucking way.
Hes a creep, hes a incel, hes still sexist and overprotective of his only female friend, but now even wants to date her just to have more control over who she can't and can speak to (code for, no guy friends allowed/no aaron, bo womp) and if he isnt doing that, hes drooling and creepily mumbling to himself about the pink cat girl he has a massive crush on.
Honestly worst part of it is that he acts like this outta nowhere, and even worse, recently theres been this obession with him NEEDING KC's diary, wanting to know every single little thing about her so he knows how to woe her and even see if she likes him, which is just...
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM???!!!??
APHMAU WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM BE LIKE THIS??!!??
(and hes not even punished for it, like maybe kc telling him that hes creepy or smth, nothing, just nothing, proubly cause recently they have been competely implied to be dating now)
but, its not like miss kc is perfect, oh boy, kc is...
The two sided bitch and her jealously and spite of her "perfect" best friend + shipping
Oh KC, when i first started watching all this cocomau trash, you were boring as hell, just a cute cat girl who likes to bake and be pretty, and just another yes man for that purple cunt, but ever since you started being a cunt yourself, you have only been a pain to watch and listen to, you have only made me hate you and your little lap dog of a boyfriend even more honey
So KC, our resident cute cat girl isnt really all that cute of recent, she slowly becoming more spiteful, having anger issues, being more whiney, bratty, jealous, and unloyal to her partner, creating the most toxic couple in the entire smp verse
(but this was something that was gonna happen at some point, aarmau has to stay as the perfect ship, couple goals yknow, so zane x kc has be anti-aarmau, toxic behavior all around)
Now KC is a unloyal and horrible partner for a few reasons, shes a massive hypocrite and sadly abusive.
1. She gets mad at Zane for even speaking to other girls, or even seemingly flirting with them, specifically any of the marry, date, kill videos with both of them in it can be a big example of this behavior.
But than when we look the other way to her, she gets to playfully talk, compliment and flirt with any guy she wants, and gets all angry when shes stopped from doing it, also she only does this with aaron btw, since shes jealous of aphmau having "the hottest, coolest, and sweetest guy in the server" for a boyfriend.
(aaron is littary none of those things and just pointing out more to how aaron is a jerrysue)
2. KC IS SO FUCKING VIOLENT WITH ZANE OH MY GOD, i guess aphmau still thinks when a women hits or beats up her male partner, its her being in the right or it being super duper funny and wacky!
(this entire short is an example of that)
But I will say though, it isnt just KC, their a toxic couple cause their both terrible partners, zane is equally just as hypocritical and unloyal, but hes a lot more oppessive and even more jealous prone,
(kim is usually a victim of being between the two but fr fr, kim genuinely hates zanes, aphmau just keeps making more drama for no reason and really wants ppl to also ship kim x zane, which....when it comes to everyones opinion of mystreet kim and ghost existing and everything with season 4....it is never gonna fucking happen you dumb purple cunt)
My Inner Demons-Character regression and personality switches (a short one)
Now that we are off those characters, lets end this off with our favorite little daemos!
Noi and Pierce!
Now, im a advid lover of my inner demons, its the last of aphmaus good content before the purge and its sadly the best of her writing, but the fact that she put them in the smp is a red flag, and i instantly noticed things...
...Pierce is a silly himbo goofball now that has a brain the size of a pea, and who loves sheep
and
Noi is the most basic sweet little good boy, does no wrong little guy, baking cooking and eating pizza
(now im not mad about this, since i got to know the smp verisons of them before their og selfelves)
but fuck i prefur when noi had depth and was genuinely mean and kinda rude on purpose.
im mixed with pierce tho cause i like both verisons of him, i think both verisons of him are neat, his va has good range, respect that
The End
Well thats all i gotta say, ratto out and about
#cocomau#ratto rants#tw physical abuse#tw toxic relationship#tw toxic behavior#i dont support aphmau#i hate aphmau#mystreet
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"I will probably never watch an episode of SPN again due to finale trauma"
Same.
I haven't watched a second of SPN since the finale aired. The finale retroactively destroyed the entire show for me. I literally threw out all my SPN merch the next day. Donated it all to a thrift store. I was so embarrassed. I unfollowed everyone (except Misha Collins) associated with the show the moment the last episode finished. I just didn't want anything more to do with it. I still find it hard to believe they really made that episode and allowed it to be broadcast. Blows my mind to think people were paid actual money to write and produce that. They frickin risked their lives (!!!) to make it. Imagine if they'd all gotten COVID and died in Vancouver, unable to see their families one last time, alone in COVID isolation wards, unable to hold funerals (if their bodies would've even been allowed back into the country).. and for what? The shittiest episode of television ever made. Oof.
I remember my friend (who knew I was dreading the finale) asked me the next day "so, how was it?" and I just replied "IT WAS SO MUCH WORSE THAN I EVEN IMAGINED."
Like, I was *expecting* it to be bad. I was *prepared* to be disappointed. But I was NOT ready for it to be SO bad that I would immediately retroactively disown the entire show and everyone associated with it out of sheer existential embarrassment.
Reading this is so sad because its so close to my experience. I didnt have a lot of merch, but the merch i did have was either thrown out or shoved in the back of my wardrobe never to see the light of day again!
That finale really did a number on us didnt it? Over 3 years later and it still hurts my heart when I think about it too much.
It really was the worst thing ive ever seen. Ive seen some pretty bad TV but omg nothing will ever top that. Its maddening that anyone could sign off on that absolute garbage as if it was worth anything more than being cast into holy fire and condemmed to the 7th circle of hell.
Its funny, I'm so weary and apprehensive about starting new media since then. Its impossible to trust storytellers especially anything made by those involved with spn. I have kept my heart so guarded since then and refuse to fall into fandoms that dont already have a known ending. The only reason i allowed myself to get super into Sandman is because the story is complete, and we all know Good Omens will get a happy ending. Anything else for me is either one off mini series, or shows that have already aired in full.
I want to love Dead Boy Detectives when it comes out. I dont know how that story will end though I suppose there are comics already for it that I can look into. Also Steve Yockey was one of the few gems of SPN and I'm happy that his ghost has partnered with Neil Gaiman to make something that looks really decent. Steve Yockeys SPN episodes were always meta masterpieces of metaphor and symbolism and so I hope it'll build a meaty fandom to get excited about.
Then again the apprehension and fear remains, because SPN finale trauma prob wont ever go away. You cant invest years of your life devoted to those characters only to have them destroyed to dust before your eyes and come out unscathed.
I hope over time the feelings we hold about it get easier to deal with, especially as we move on to new stories, new fandoms, and new characters to love. But SPN the show is very much dead to me, and this time it wont resurrect.
#spn finale trauma#you are not alone anon#there are plenty of us still lingering on tumblr#trying to heal from it in different ways#asks
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Me before attempting to write Olimar again, one year ago: "Okay, this'll be interesting. Writing a character who isn't severely fucked up on two or five levels (but will be by the time I'm done with him). This will be nice a little experiment for myself."
Me now, having catapulted down the character study rabbit hole as I tend to: "Oh dear god, wait a minute: this guy is as deeply fucked up on the level of whom I usually write for! And I don't think that was my fault for once! I've been deceived! What the fuck?!"
(TL;DR: Your tags and ramblings made me Think, thank you. I'm certain you are having a blast tearing him to shreds in some terrible way I've yet to think of myself lol.)
(RE: all of this shit probably)
i have only really truly known this guy for a bit over a year and every little bit ive learned about him has only pushed me ever deeper into this endless well of fascination with whatever the fuck is wrong with him. this guy is a pathological liar as a method of self-soothing. who DOES that. how the fuck did he arrive in this scenario.
really when you get down to it olimar is like, perhaps one of the most depressed characters of all time, it's just that he's carefully crafted a presentation of symptoms that very cleverly hides this from both the audience and himself. this guy is literally miserable. he viscerally hates his boss and is frustrated with his coworkers where they're even relevant. he has somewhere in the range of mixed feelings on his job but generally wishes that it allowed him more time with his family. his family, which has so many undeniable problems it's difficult to even list them. where to start: his kids? his wife? his parents? every happy memory he has involves his family and most of those memories are brief glimpses at Connection that otherwise seems so absent from the rest of his life. he's a middle-aged man with a house and a yard and a wife and two-kids-and-a-dog and probably a white picket fence for good measure. he's ticking all the boxes that he was raised* to think were a one-way ticket to happiness. so why is he still so lonely? why isn't he happy? what is this general malaise that's hanging over his entire life? what's wrong with him?
(*whether or not he was actually raised on a variant of the american dream is a really interesting question but honestly not relevant here. there's a lot of interesting evidence in his logs supporting something more nuanced, but again. irrelevant)
and olimar's answer is that Actually! there's Nothing wrong! he's perfectly fine and perfectly happy and perfectly satisfied with everything in his life. nothing is wrong and he's perfectly happy and even if he weren't (which he is!!!!) he still has so many things that would make up for it. he has so many good memories that are just his that he can hold on to as hard as he possibly can for as long as he needs to until he feels better. he can write them down and read them back as a reminder until it sticks in his brain that He Is Happy. There Is Nothing Wrong. He Is Happy And There Is Nothing Wrong. because he did everything right, didn't he!! he made his choices and for the all the love of everything he holds dear he is going to stick by them. because he needs to. because if he doesn't, where would he even be?
and then this guy has the worst "vacation" of his entire life (DEFINITELY another blatant self-soothing lie btw, you CANNOT convince me that this guy would spend any more time away from his family than he absolutely has to what with his career) and the cracks actually kind of start to show. because he is very quickly launched into the worst series of circumstances he's ever experienced. and through it all he's just!! completely fucking Normal about it!! utterly fucking accepting of any outcome that happens to him because he doesn't feel like he really has any control. like he ever had any control. he should have fucking died. even before the thirty days are up he's just passively accepting of whatever happens. there are tons and tons of treasure descriptions or other entries where he expresses very explicit passive suicidality through things that could be jokes or offhand comments but really don't read like that. pikmin 1's entry for day 29 reads more like a reminder that he should at least try to not let himself die than an earnest attempt to actually do so.
and it's like, if he does survive pikmin 1, what does he even win? ever-increasing stakes at his job and ever-fewer ways to pretend that everything's fine. an ever-brighter flashing neon sign reading QUIT YOUR FUCKING JOB that he has to try increasingly hard to ignore. the job that keeps sending him back to the planet that almost killed him. the job that keeps sending him back to the planet where he barely survived by only his wits and the skin of his teeth. the job that keeps sending him back to the planet where he will die, because no one was supposed to save olimar.
and through it all you can see! you can SEE the way he gets increasingly stressed out as things go along. but he's still just going along trying his damnedest to pretend that everything is fine and he is happy and he doesn't need any help, that he shouldn't be trying to make an exit as quickly as he can and to maybe ask his wife to pick up a job so they can be a dual-income household now that their kids are a bit older. he doesn't need to be looking for anything better because he has the best he's going to get right here, and isn't that wonderful? shouldn't that make him happy?
and it's like, the way things are going he's never going to get there, and on some level he knows that. but olimar's whole fucking deal is that if he can't solve something he's going to throw himself at the problem over and over until either it gets solved or his skull splits open, a pattern that is only reenforced by the events of pikmin 1 and 2 and 3. so he knows that he's never going to be happy, but he's going to try this impossible task of being happy over and over until he either fakes it till he makes it or something kills him. so far it hasn't worked out for him, but maybe the NEXT time he blows up at somebody for no reason because he just can't take the stress of it all anymore!
as it turns out i have no idea how to end this, so on a tangentially related note: olimar is not a biologist by any standard and i will die on this hill. ALL of his piklopedia entries are creative writing exercises and i can ALMOST prove this. but that's a whole other post honestly. just kind of adds to the whole thing about how much olimar lies to the reader and himself.
#dogs leading dogs#my posts#maideninorange#really what gets me about him is the extent to which he is willing to lie to himself on the regular#to just completely divorce himself from every possible emotional reaction#it's not even really putting up a front it's putting up anything at all. the absolute congnitive dissonance#he has a very special kind of martyr complex going on. because he doesn't even think of it as one#just thinks of it as doing right by the only things that ever mattered#truly one of the characters ever#really there's a lot more i have to say about all of this because there is literally SO MUCH#but i was writing this for 3 hours and at some point i just had to stop lmao
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it is actually lowkey cathartic to have been at my worst publicly. like that was it. that was the worst time of my entire life and the very worst my mental state can ever get, and everyone saw. everyone saw plainly the worst ive ever been and ever can be. its not going away. im not gonna delete all the posts i made from that time. you can clearly scroll through my op tag far back enough and see how bad i was. it cant get any worse than that, and my little online friends are still here and still love me despite seeing me like that, and i didnt do anything unforgivable like i was so worried i would. so maybe things will be okay. if i can make it over All That youve gotta make it too. please make it
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realized i never actually asked how my oldest sister died cause that was like very traumatic for my parents obviously but especially my mom cause the year before her dad had died too and from day one my dad made it very clear that i was never to bring it up, it just became this extreme taboo in the family, and in turn they had me to "replace her" but constantly reminded me i could never replace her and obviously that was damaging to a 5 year old. ive talked to my parents about her maybe twice in my entire life, and both times they reminded me they wished she had lived instead of having me because my disability is so hard on them as if its my fault she died. being unwanted from conception is a special kind of trauma. it shouldnt be weight on my shoulders that they tried to achieve the impossible by replacing their dead child with a new one, but it is. it is on my shoulders and its suffocating me. and thats only the 17th worst fucking thing they ever did to me.
#weve talked about her maybe 3 times in my life i never really realized how crazy that kind of is#anyways sorry im being pathetic cause im upset about how much my family hates me lol i gotta go drink myself into a coma#WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. WHY WASNT I GOOD ENOUGH.#from birth they always hated me. what did i do. what is wrong with me.#i wish i was fucking dead i didnt ask to feel guilty for being alive every second and to believe theres something intrinsically wrong#with me that can never be fixed or forgiven
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oooooooo im. im wavibg my fingers tell me about juno
ooooooo
ooohhhhhh noooooo… ive been hypnotized by your finger wibbling…. i guess i have to talk about hiiimmmm……
@ my fellow players in the d4 campaign DONT READ THIS. none of them actively use tumblr but jic
(LOTS of text under cut)
the first thing i always always always say about him is that he fucking SUCKS. hes the worst man alive i hope he dies im literally obsessed with him. juno infyris is a tiefling celestial warlock :3 his patron god is homebrew that i made myself! basically he grew up in the underdark (gracklstugh to be specific) doing odd jobs to make enough money to leave. since almost all of the underdark is under lolth, he genuinely just didnt. think gods were real. he was an atheist he just thought everyone else was in a cult on something LMFAO once he was old enough he started a little shop of his own selling fake magic items (most of which he stole). like spamton but not actually like spamton at all. now while setting up his window display for candlenights he ACCIDENTALLY SUMMONED A DEITY. shes like ohhh brave one you have summoned me….. your wish is my command… i shall aid you in your journeys…. and hes like Uh Um Uhhh Can You Help Me Out. (<- INCREDIBLY UNSPECIFIC THING TO SAY TO A LITERAL GOD.) she takes this and fuckinf runs with it hes now soulbound to this deity thats trying to make him a better person and have him do good deeds and stuff amd he HATES IT. as aforementioned he is the worst fucking guy alive hes greedy and selfish and an all around bastard who literally scams people for a living and now all of a sudden hes forced to be a good person or else god will kill him and its the funniest dynamic ive ever written. anyways he escapes his master and leaves the underdark and meets up with the party etc etc etc BUT i wanna talk more about his life before then. see the underdark is a really shitty fuckinf place to live for like 90% of the population and basically anyone that isnt a drow or duergar. SO. you can imagine his life kind of sucks. he is forever in servitude of at least one master at all times & is FOREVER trying to convince everyone he meets to let him live. he used to have wings, in fact! however when they grew in, his master used him for his wings & made him do a bunch of shady shit for him before cutting them off, not wanting juno to seem too valuable to others and have him stolen. juno currently doesn’t remember ever having wings & is convinced hes just naturally discoordinated and clumsy but in reality he’ll never fully acclimate to living without his wings. for all of the 18 years he lived in gracklstugh he spent every day trying to be good enough so that he wouldn’t be deemed useless and killed. his main tactic for this is flirting. see, he knows he’s fucking annoying, and he’s spent years trying to ‘fix it’, and he just can’t. so if he cant change his personality, he believes his only use is his looks. he’ll flash a charming smile and a kiss on the cheek to the vendor he’s currently robbing, distracting them so that he can steal just enough to get by. he’s fucking pretty, and he knows it, so he uses it to his advantage. he exists as an accessory, something to be used, and believes that’s the entirety of his worth. when he escapes the underdark by killing his master (with the help of angel, another pc in our campaign), he takes his left eye out. the scar changes everything. if he’s not pretty, not appealing enough, then he’s fucking useless. he finally got his chance to escape the underdark and now he’s going to be left to die as soon as he sees the sun for the first time. OBVIOUSLY THIS ISNT WHAT HAPPENS. throughout the campaign, one of the other pcs, rpck (no that’s not a typo his name is rpck) falls in love with him. this shit changes EVERYTHING his entire worldview begins to crumble as he learns he can finally be loved and. Yeaghf. im fucking normal about him. theres ALWAYS more i can say abt him but this is long enough already LMFAO thank u for letting me ramble jack :-)
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2, 3, 14, 19 for the concert asks?
yo! under the cut cos this got just a little long
2: Best concert you’ve ever been to
THE CAT EMPIRE AT HISTORY, TORONTO!
ahhhh every Cat Empire show is crazy. they are so fucking talented and you can tell they just love music. they do jam sessions on stage and the hype and positivity is so infectious. Felix does this thing that i love where he sticks the mic stand into the crowd and gets us singing. it's always such a fun time. and the fans, dude! we are all just music lovers and since i always go to shows alone, i love talking with them. they are the most down to earth, chill human beings.
and this show in particular, i got invited backstage to jam with the band 😭💖 we ate pizza and drank beer and it was the coolest experience of my life. i wish they toured N America more lmao
3: Worst concert you’ve ever been to
im very fortunate that most of my shows have been at least worth the money. but i can think of two right off the bat that i wasn't satisfied with. story time(s)!
Lindsey Stirling at the MET in Philly.
so, ive seen Lindsey Stirling three times. for those who don't know her, she's a violinist, but very poppy with dubstep mixed in. her shows focus very heavy on dance and theatrics. the first time was at a festival when she was suuuuper brand new (2015) and the crowd was alive. it was so fun. and it makes sense, her music is the type to dance to!
second time i saw her was another standing crowd situation in Manhattan circa 2016. when i say the crowd was dead, oh my god it was lifeless. i was embarrassed. New York City, what the hell?
then i saw her at the MET in 2022, which is a seated venue. and like, holy hell... everyone remained seated, even when Lindsey told the crowd to get up and dance multiple times. at one point i had put my phone up to record a certain part of the show and the girl sitting behind me immediately tapped me on the shoulder and told me to put my phone down. like, okay i get recording the show is annoying, but im not that guy. i just wanted to record a 10 second sequence she was doing but fine. i barely took my phone out during that performance.
but anyway, the stillness. listen, ive been to seated venues before (rock shows) and no one ever remains seated through the entire show. what the fuck is that? i was dancing in my seat while everyone around me looked at me like i was crazy. omg i just wanted to jam! and then my favorite song came up, Roundtable Rival (listen to this song and tell me how im not supposed to dance to this) and fuck it, i stood up and started to shake it.
to wrap up this long story, the girls behind me were so disgusted by my actions they full on left. there was only one other person in the floor seats that i could see who was also standing and dancing. and during the last song, Lindsey actually made everyone stand up and groove to the song (but even standing, these people were fucking dead).
i took my frustrations to reddit, asking if i was in the wrong, and got absolutely dog-piled with hate. even though Lindsey clearly said at least twice during the show to stand up. i haven't listened to her since. she's a talented musician, but the fans absolutely killed it for me.
Fall Out Boy at the Key Bank Center, Buffalo
this is gonna be a short one. this was in 2017-early 2018 i think. it was for their Mania tour. I had seen them the year before in Brooklyn and the show they put on was super fun, they really made use of the stage (this was an arena tour) and for that show, i had purchased nose-bleed seats. and for this one in Buffalo, i purchased floor tickets (it was significanly cheaper in Buffalo).
but they didn't utilize the stage at. all in Buffalo. all the theatrics i had seen in Brooklyn didn't exist here. the tracklist was pretty much the same, the graphics and pyro the same. but just a weak performance with no energy. i was so bored.
14: Moshpit, barricade, back, or rafters
i have sampled all these options, and 100% always prefer the barricade. i love being up close to the action and (usually) that up close is where the party is happening. (though i could go on a rant about how concert goers don't jump/dance at shows anymore, even some rock shows ive been to have just been. muted. i still dance my face off and make it a problem for the people around me).
tried one moshpit in my experience and the adrenaline is like nothing else. but i'd probably steer clear of it now. gotta protect my weary bones in my older age haha
19: Farthest traveled for concert/festival
before my trip in June, it was 400 miles (within the states). but after my last show, its now 560 miles (900 km)!
ive definitely thought about going to festivals overseas, especially since two of my favorite bands are English and Australian... but as much as i love traveling, i find it annoying to plan a trip around a concert so. traveling further than a few hundred miles just for a show is not something i typically do.
concert asks
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ohmygosh i know EXACTLY who ur talking abt on that post with the self shipping hater and like mlm and wlw is better. they get on my nerves SO BAD like ive known them since 2021 or 2022 methinks but i have them blocked cuz no way u can say all that. french people amiright/j
BAHAHA well idk if u actually do, but thank god someone knows my struggle. I cant believe half the shit i read from his texts and stories bruh. Like okay buddy 👁️👄👁️
I feel like after a certain point, if an overwhelming majority of ppl dislike u, even within ur own community, even among ur closest friends, thats when u fail. Thats when u do introspection. Theres always haters trying to drag u down, but this guy has so many ppl that rightfully dislikes him for every single controversy hes ever gotten into. How is everyone else on the Earth wrong and ur the only one thats right?
And this guy knows hes abt to lose me too. Once i made a kinda vent post tht said “demons in my head: leave them before they can leave you”. It was more like a self deprecating meme, and it abt two unrelated moots. But this guy was so insecure and thought it was abt him. And every time i put a vague negative thing on my status like “wtf is wrong w this guy” he always asks abt who the note was abt, probably bc he suspects it’s abt him. Idk tho. Now that i think abt it he could be asking bc hes into drama
See, this guy is so misogynist and “ugh women this” but he LOVES drama and gossip, just like women stereotypically do. He HATES tucutes “grr bruja ari this” but his main oc looks like a girl “hes androgynous” bffr. He hates on women that self ship w ocs but he makes ocs 😭 this guy is the most giant fucking hypocrite I’ve ever seen bro
Recently he got mad at a reel in his feed and put it on his story. This reel was abt someone saying theyre only into autistic ppl, and my first thought was “same ngl there’s something wrong w neurotypicals” but this guy’s first thought was “HURRR DURR STOP SEXUALIZING AUTISTICS” …the ENTIRE comment section was the op fighting for their life bc theyre autistic and for some reason everyone thought they were neurotypical. And that tells me that this guy saw the post and immediately got mad and posted it to his story. Not even looking into the comments to see if his judgment was right💀
I remember he used to flirting w me. He got the fucking hint by now, but it was sooooo annoying 😭 u can tell he was hoping so bad that i would reciprocate his sexual “jokes” and it was awkward asf when i wouldn’t. I wonder if he thought he was sexy to me bc hes French. Like he assumes the accent was enough to pull me 😭 even tho ive stated a lot (not necessarily to him but in general) that im not looking for any romantic or sexual relationship w anyone rn 💀 i think the worst prt is that i dont hate sexual jokes between friends, but if i send these funny sexual memes hes gonna think i want some. Like no thanks :|
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