#This is actually the WORST THING Ive ever made in my entire life

[stringbeans-and-peas]

[drabblesbyjubs]

Headcannons about Astarion and his PTSD

Tws// PTSD nightmares and attacks, disassociation, sexual trauma, Astarion’s backstory stuff, minor spoilers for unascended Astarion’s ending. Minors begon

A quick note before we start; PTSD manifests itself differently on a case to case basis. Thats why its so hard to understand, even amongst people who have it; two people who experienced the same traumatic event may react completely differently from one another to certain things. That being said, these are just my headcannons for Astarion based off of my experiences with PTSD.

Astarion’s nightmares have always been rough on him. They didn’t come every night, not like they used to, but when they did, there was no telling how he’d react when he woke up.

He may blink awake, that oh so familiar feeling of dread but also of pure numbness creeping over him. He would sit staring at the ceiling for hours, or at least until you woke up, nearly thoughtless the entire time.

When you noticed, he sometimes wanted to scoot closer and cuddle you, other times just humming an acknowledgement of your awakening before zoning out again. He would eventually get up and moving, but for a few hours, he felt like a complete detachment of himself.

Other times, he would jolt awake, not recognizing you as the one safe thing in his entire life. He lashed out at you once, demanding you leave, scrambling for his knife. He was shaking so hard he couldn’t even pick it up. When those red eyes softened in familiarity, the guilt that swamped him was the worst thing he’d ever felt.

Occasionally, he would awaken in a similar trance of not recognizing you. He would usher you out of bed and insist you had to go, leave, run for the woods and never look back. If you don’t, you’ll never see the light of day again. He will get you.

You knew these times were draining for him, and some days, he just needed some time to sit and reflect for a while; reflect on everything for the past two hundred years, from having his freedom cruelly ripped away, then regaining it, then losing it all over again. It was a lot for you just hearing about it, so you could only imagine how overwhelming it could be to him.

He still tried not to let it rule his life, though, and thats where you came in. You made an easy distraction, something to focus on and give to, something normal.

At times he would lose his focus, but you were always there to keep him on track. While you weren’t the cure for his trauma, you helped to guide him through it as he built comfort in himself and his new life.

You were there through the anxiety, the panic, the angry outbursts. Gods, he always felt terrible for those. But you stayed, because you knew about him, and you knew why, and you knew he was trying. You by no means made excuses for him, but you never shamed him for the things he couldn’t help.

Your patience was the thing he didn’t know he needed. Your understanding, your empathy. Things he would have found weaknesses a mere month ago were the reasons he loves you now. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

..

Super quick hcs, ive got some actually good ones rotting away just need to remember where I put them

[frecklystars]

I'm sorry to make a vent post :c I hate being negative but I haven't been online in a couple of months and this kind of explains why + I really needed to let this out somewhere. TW for mentions of self harm and suicide mention, this vent post is a little bit heavy.

i havent been online for a couple of months now except one (1) time, and then i left again, just letting my queue post as always. my cptsd/depression/anxiety has been astronomical levels of Terrible. going offline just made me feel so so so much worse bc this is where i normally self ship and post my art. not blogging about my F/Os, not drawing them, not editing videos/not making gifs, feels... really really bad. self shipping is my main coping mechanism and not being able to self ship makes everything feel 50 billion times more hopeless. so I should try to get back into that habit again

its july. its gonna be my anniversary w/ the two F/Os who breathed life back into me when i was at my absolute worst. i should be really excited to celebrate an F/O anniversary for the first time in two years, but ive been... so... fucking miserable. the last few months i have been back into My Worst State Of Mind Ever. i have been having really bad days where im slipping back into planning how to end my life and self harming again like i did a year ago. this isnt an everyday occurrence as of right now, and rn as im queueing this post, i am not planning currently. but every other day i slip back into those old self destructive bad habits, so it's safe to say my depression is definitely Worse. im trying to figure out how to uh, hang in there. because i can't stop the source of the Thing that is causing me to feel like my only escape option is ending my life. this isn't just my mental health/a chemical imbalance in the brain making me feel this way, this is entirely situational and out of my control.

i know the source of my problem and why i feel this way, and i cannot control it. i havent talked about it on my blogs bc i dont wanna scare anyone, and i will NOT go into details here, but i havent felt safe in a very very very long time. i contacted the authorities back in January this year, i am planning to contact them again soon, but im afraid they can't do anything for me until things get worse than they already are. it sucks that you have to wait until things are literally impossible to get through until the authorities even CONSIDER helping you.

i have just been trying to take everything one day at a time and vent to a few close friends when i need to, but this has been so unbearably difficult to endure every single day. ive been dealing with this FAR longer than a few months, but regarding these last few months specifically, i feel like i haven't been functioning like a person. every single second i am just,,, scared and paranoid, this is the only thing i am ever thinking about because im so, so stressed. i dont WANT to think about it but i literally am incapable of having any peace. every few weeks, something scary regarding my situation happens, and makes my anxiety worse. i cannot tell you how scared ive been. im so scared every day that this is going to kill me, whether it's the actual situation that will kill me, or my own anxiety/fear will drive me into making an irreversible choice. which! i don't wanna do! i genuinely don't want to end my life, i just - i feel extremely trapped in this situation and i've felt very very very hopeless about it for a LONG ass time, and that shit weighs on you over time

my fear/paranoia has affected my self shipping, and self shipping is my main source of comfort, i cant lose it. i keep losing it. ive lost so much already i dont want to lose my F/Os all over again. i keep thinking there’s no point in self shipping because my F/Os would betray me or harm me in some way. i know they’re imaginary and they can’t hurt me IRL but like, from a self shipping standpoint, i can’t stop fretting over all of it being a huge trick. like they’re pretending to love me so they can betray me later. i can’t get any relief, I am having panic attacks all the time, my flashbacks are worse than ever. I can’t self ship and I can’t... function. i'm so messed up from everything that has been happening to me, i feel like healing is impossible at this point. i really hope that is just the severe anxiety/depression/ptsd talking. i hate being negative, i dont want to have such a pessimistic outlook, but it's just felt so... hopeless. like there is no point. but what am i gonna do, not try to feel things with my F/Os again? what am i gonna do, not self ship ever again?? i really have nothing else to do except try my best every day to get through this. or kill myself - and i dont wanna go down that latter road again bc its messy and it sucks and its expensive when you fail and i have permanent scars from the last time i failed two years ago, and i! want! to! get better! i dont genuinely want to die, i just want to escape my situation! this situation i am in should not be worth ending my life over. but i am scared all the time and that hopeless feeling is so heavy and it's just getting harder and harder to carry for so so so so long

i have friends both IRL and online who are trying to help me get back into a safe situation again, but there is only so much we can all do. so i just have to keep taking all of this shit one day at a time and just hope and pray some sort of miracle gets me through this. its been years so i really dont believe theres a way out anymore but i am just! agh!! fucking angry and sad and terrified 24/7 and sick of dealing with this, so i will keep powering through every day even if i gotta kick and scream the entire time.

ok anyway! im gonna stay offline for a little while longer (this is queued, if anyone is kind enough to reply/send an ask, i will try to respond when i return) but i will come back slowly but surely sometime maybe this week, next week at the latest. i at least want to celebrate my July 21st anniversary :( thats my most important one this year. i really really really need to get back into the habit of self shipping even if i dont feel much for my F/Os atm. i refuse to just lay down and take this, i want to at least try to feel something again even if it hurts.

thank you to those who have been patient with me with replies; tumblr says i have over 200 inbox messages and 99+ dms since ive been gone. i will try to get back to people slowly but surely, its just probably gonna take me a hot minute. if anyone has the free minute, if you can just send me something like "everything will be okay" in my inbox, i would super appreciate it 😭🙏 and thank you to anyone who took the time to read my ramblings.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for telling my (online) friends that them ignoring my birthday kinda hurt?

so it was my birthday the other day and like nobody save 2 very cool friends said anything abt it before i mentioned it to them. which makes sense and is entirely fucking logical for most of em. like my irls were busy that day and most of the online ones i just sctually never told or like just said once ages ago. cuz like being vague and mysterious is fucin fun idk.

but theres this one (online) friend group who ive like been much more open with shit abt, and i know for a fact ive told at least one of em abt my birthday, i'll call em E, and not a singe one of thoe people (who i probably care the most deeply about in terms of online homies) made even a passing remark abt it until i mentioned it. and like the worst bit is like. the one person i for sure told earlier, E, promised to do smth cool for my bday and they didnt say anything too :( like im not genuinely trying to hold them accountable for that, it was like many months ago but it still hurts.

but like heres the kicker

im genuinely not sure ive ever told anyone else in that group. like one incident of me bein elusive on purpose recently went ss follows

me > when are yalls bdays? this is very important information, respond urgently

non E friend > what about you mf

me > all will be revealed in due time

and then the plan was to say mine in a very dramatic fashion once everyone else did but a. not everyone ended up responding and b. it took a while and i just fuckin forgot

and with E in particular, like just earlier today they said they were busy with actual real life things pretty much the whole week which held that fateful day

so like it feels like it would be a huge dick move to tell them abt how im feeling and also the group as a whole is kinda talking less lately and idwana further that by posibly starting some shit, WIBTA in doing so?

What are these acronyms?

[moonshynecybin]

if you don’t mind my asking, what were the best/worst parts about living in ireland to you?

stuff i LOVED: everyone was the nicest person ive ever met im not even JOKING... wahh... my first day some lady paid my bus fair and was just so overwhelmingly kind about it... i loved living in dublin for the ability to go into a city (i am from a very rural area and it was LOVELY) and see big old buildings and museums and pubs and get to do all these things that i just never had the option to do... public transportation ruled.... and i got to TRAVEL for so much cheaper than we do in the USA and i made a lot of FRIENDS both international and irish and american.... went to irish oktoberfest with a bunch of germans and italians and taught them how to play FLIP CUP cuz they didnt know... went to scotland with my roommates and friends.... drank a lot of guinness and walked around all the parks... saw the bog bodies at the natural history museum... got drunk adn walked around temple bar... bahhh i REALLY did like it whenever i wasnt trapped inside the house...

Stuff i HATED under the cut it has truly nothing to do with the country it was my living situation. lol. well actually im gonna be honest the weather was ASS but i knew that goin in. got to see some rainbows who CARES:

um the BIGGEST THING. was that my living situation was five alarm bell insane. i had to pick a place before flying over so i only saw it over facetime(RUH ROH) and my landlords did not seem interested in providing me and my roommates (two other american girls in their mid twenties) with a liveable space like at all. they never turned the heat on (i was shivering literally constantly. the other girls showered at the university bc it was literally too cold to do it at home. AND they didnt let us buy any electronics without prior approval so we could not buy like. a space heater. it was CRAZY i could see my breath in my ROOM...). they didnt allow any visitors not even my MOM to let me move in. there was a curfew they didnt tell us about. we didnt have a sink in our kitchen (and we had to walk outside to a different part of the building to access it). there was mold EVERYWHERE.AND apparently the reason we were living there was to fund house renovations so they were constantly kicking us out of our rooms to let in builders/construction people (one of the final straws was my roommate coming back from xmas break to find that they had moved her and ALL her stuff out of her room to do a renovation literally without telling her lol. they moved a WALL and we didnt have a SINK STILL...). they tried to enter my room without my permission. and all of this was PROHIBITIVELY expensive like genuinely i could have gotten a studio with the fees i was paying (and they made us pay in cash so. ATM fees compounded all that lol) BUT. they had us trapped in this ILLEGAL lease that stipulated that if we moved out we would owe our ENTIRE remaining rent for the agreed lease period. we sent this to a lawyer later he was like these guys are buckshit insane. i firmly believe they chose american girls and didnt let our parents like. even see the exterior of the house because they knew our moms would call bullshit immediately but WHATEVERRR... anyways after i left i found out that they had a secret baby that they didnt tell us about either. CRAZY!!!!

my school program also was not the most rigorous AND my migraine symptoms started while i was over there soooooo in addition to literally being cold ALL the time, i had NO idea what was going on with my head/health + i didnt really have the resources to find a new place/fight with my landlords + i was rapidly running out of money bc of how expensive everything about my housing was + i wasnt even getting the education i wanted because my professors sucked ass. so when i went home for winter break i just didnt come back ! and i got my roommates to send my stuff to the states. it was like the most insane six months of my life i lost like ten pounds from stress lol

[twistedastrology]

🪐 my take on the outer planets 🪐

---------------------------------------------------

saturn is constantly given a bad rap just because it does its job- saturn's placement in your chart isn't always a bad thing- it can signify difficulties in that area of your life, yes, but it can also tell you what you have unwavering resolve in (especially if you're saturn ruled or saturn is positively aspected)

for example, my saturn is in my 1st house in leo (cancer rising) and I've seen people say that saturn in the 1st house can indicate a fear of growing old or being lonely, whatever- my personal experience with this placement is, ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you i am fucking petrified of losing myself- losing my mind, losing who i am and dying early are my worst fears (dreams in which im dying are NOT the best ive ever had 😮‍💨)

but as a result of this, i know myself SO well. i do think saturn in the 1st house can indicate issues with finding yourself IF it's afflicted, which mine isn't (thank god 💔💔💔)

im also very scared of growing out of touch with the world around me- dont get me wrong, i love being a hermit, but if im ever that old man that can't understand trends or whatever and is overly cynical of younger generations... dawg- take me the fuck out 😕

uranus i LOOOOVEEEEE and i think it stands for so much more than just rebellion- my uranus has a LOT of power in my chart (so does my neptune but they're in mutual reception 😮‍💨) because my moon is cusped (1° pisces, but i feel both pisces and aquarius influence 💔), and it and my mercury im pretty sure are why i think backwards as fuck- (fun fact, my mercury is FIRMLY direct but it likes to act like it's in retrograde 💔💔💔💔)

but!! more interestingly, i have a very specific mental process where whenever im goin thru it, i cant stay goin thru it for a while- if my brain is fucked up for a little too long and i start getting pissed about it, my uranus takes over and legitimately propels me through the pain in almost an instant. i could be going through something for weeks and once i start getting pissed about it or legitimately bored of it, the next day it's like nothing ever happened BUT i still learned from it

ofc I have to do something to trigger that effect, which is where my mars in cancer comes in and i do a workout to tap into the physical catharsis and BOOM, go to bed and wake up the next day a new man 🙏🙏🙏 god bless 🙏🙏🙏

neptune Ok i am not entirely sure what made whoever said neptune is the higher octave of venus think that but I've never been able to see it. this might be controversial as hell but neptune is the higher octave of the moon to me and jupiter is the higher octave of venus. THAT BEING SAID-

neptune is an absolutely fascinating planet to me lately and im not sure why- i do have a couple transit aspects with it right now but ive wanted to write about it literally all day now- U KNOW i might love it so much bc it's in my 8th house actually that would make sense- ANYWAY-

neptune to me is the source of all the visions from god i get, especially my creative ones- (source: it came to me in a vision from god.) the moon is a very creative placement in my opinion (i have a WILDLY different idea of the moon that i can go over in another post), so neptune follows a similar current, but neptune is higher creativity, higher emotion, etc- it's the planet of spirituality and the absolute depths of our subconscious, like to the point of past lives, that's the kinda shit neptune fucks with

but because it's also the higher octave of the moon, to me it can absolutely represent addictions and vices, everything garbage- personally, my neptune isn't very afflicted at all but i also have a major lack of earth in my chart so i Do find myself experiencing classic neptune-based paranoia sometimes- fuck dude i went neurotic for a week at one point, that was some serious neptune delusion- But my uranus/saturn pulled me back from it, because like i said, saturn makes me petrified of losing myself, so those two joined forces like "ya this shit ain't cool actually take it out back and shoot it"

i might make a post on specifically neptune stuff soon and/or right after this bc the hyperfixation is hyperfixating 💔💔

pluto i FUCK with because it's such a soul searchy planet (my 8th house is very active so ofc i fuck with pluto) in the darkest ways and i love that shit- jonathan davis has his pluto in a fucking mastery degree (29° virgo) and i am to this day like 😦 over it- and it makes SO much sense for him to have PLUTO of all planets in a mastery degree- and i have mine in 26° sag so like im not that far behind... 💔

but dude that's mastery of some SERIOUS transformative powers- that's mastery of the wildly darker shit in life and that is so fucking tight to me- i value that kinda stuff more than anything dude- probably why korn is my fav band (been listening to them as i write this 😭😭)

one thing abt pluto that i DONT agree with tho, and this is more of a scorpio thing BUT i know everyone loves to say scorpios are the sexy signs but dawg... it's cancers... i swear 2 god it's cancers- i will write an entire fucking post on cancers and why i HATE everyone's interpretations of them bc everyone's like "cnanncers are cRYBbaueiis and tHyeyre the most emOtIknal siGnsns 💔💔💔" Bro. Bro. Bro dont do me like that for the love of god. that shit made me hate my rising sign for SO long and also not relate to it!!!! then i started doin my own research and found out "Oh fuck nvm im totally a cancer"

BUT if you look at pluto like the actual God- nowhere in his mythology (that I read anyway- i could be wrong i dont wanna act like i know everything) does it say anything abt him ruling over sex or sumn like that- but everyone says pluto rules over sex!!!!!! Where!!!!!!!!!!! dawg they said he was a god of abundance bc he ruled over the underworld and gems and stuff were found underground 😭😭😭

i do think pluto fucks with taboo shit though But back in the ye olden days when astrology was being developed, sex was not taboo at all, that's a new development that i think uranus fucks with more because uranus is a very future focused planet in my humble opinion

i could definitely keep writing but i think this is already a novel SO- to specify tho, this is all my opinion of the planets, ive read PLEEEEEENTY of books and stuff so by no means do i not know how this shit works, but my uranus makes me rip everything apart and make my own take so 💔

[bonnvivre]

a funny thing- ch 24/25 word dump

WUAHAHAHA 4AM BABEY YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS

i’ve been cookin low and slow with this one and i mean real slow like. too slow . as in 2 weeks later whoops

this one’s a real doozy so grab a snack

FIRST PAGE ON THE GOSUKU TAG WHEN YOU SORT BY KUDOS LETS GOOOOOOO major rweiser W

———————————————

ch 24

thinking abt yuuji flying down the sidewalk and megumi becoming the equivalent of a flag whipping behind him pls yuuji not everyone can keep up 😭

fred says fuck

mmmmmm crunchy cookies i love me some egg shell

yeah with cooking, you can play around with the measurements and adjust along the way, but baking is whole different beast :[ i made creme brulee for our new year dinner, my first time baking actually, and i was terrified the entire process cus one wrong step and its over (they turned out good in the end, though i wanted to leave it in the fridge longer) 

sukuna and uraume on the same wavelength love that

daww megumi just be a kid its okay 

gojo’s nicknames for toji PLS father-fushi and fraidy-guro

hehehe he technically called sukuna pretty ,, i agree

LMAOOOOO AINT NO WAYY OFC HE SABOTAGED HIM 

i feel like toji would actually do well in getting sales (if he had the proper cookies) considering he’s “a pro at freeloading off women” which leads me to believe he’s got hella charisma . 

“Fushiguro stops just before the table, one hand balled into a fist so tight, the muscles of his arm are easy to see, flexing dangerously beneath his skin.” uwwheheheerhfbud sorry

OH SHT THE GIRLIES ARE FIGHTING YOOOOOOOO AND SUKUNA JUMPING IN FOR GOJO ???? in front of the kids in a school fundraiser is crazy lmao

pinky

gojo taking bets on who’s gonna win reminded me of mei mei betting on the gojo-sukuna fight

i had a crazy amount of secondhand embarrassment going thru that hhhhhh yknow that feeling when you just wanna curl up and cover ur eyes and you’re fighting to even look back ? yeaaaaa

“Hurting people is bad. And you’re not bad!” ohh yuuji ughhh he has no idea of what sukuna was before, that he’s done more than hurt people .. children really only see the side of their parents that they’ve allowed to show them. it’s why kids usually think the highest of them, so yuuji saying that sukuna’s not bad gets me cus he’s known and seen only the best of him. but it makes me feel gooey inside cus, while everyone else sees the former king of curses, yuuji sees his dad and when he does eventually find out, he’ll still always be his dad before anything else (does this make sense i hope it makes sense im trying to make my thoughts coherent)

oh hey they’re talking abt it !

I GASPED OH MY GOD PLEAS EOLASOE APLEAS EPLAS EPALEAPSLEAPSH NOOOOOOOOO FFGGHGBBVV HITTING MY BED GRFGHJVNGRRAAGGHHFEG

im being tortured i thinj you’re trying to kill me here this is the worst case of edging ive ever had in my life (no not like that) 

post-chapter notes:

IM ALREAYD RIOTING YASTOP BLUE BALLING ME

id read real housewives of jujutsu sorcery

————————————

ch 25

GRADE 1 ?? AS IN ONE ?? AS IN  O N E  ?? AS IN, YUUJI IS NO LONGER A PRESCHOOLER

when you said small time-skip, i thought you meant a few months later . i was wrong

aight time to update the time board: yuuji’s in first grade so he’s 6 yrs old, we’re in 2013 now (i think), gojo is 24 yrs old  23 yrs old (chap takes place during summer, bday not passed yet)

it’s 2013, he can get a 3ds now :D im gonna get him on smash bros . OR KID ICARUS UPRISING IT SHOULD BE OUT ALREADY

they should totally name the potential pet after me (jk)

OKAYYYY THATS A START HE KISSED HIM ON THE HEAD !! WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE :O now go lower. preferably on the li

oh yeah yeah definitely not together whatever helps you sleep at night man

im gonna need the bad bitches birthday bash one-shot someday with the way shoko’s bringing it up

the fact gojo’s heard the threat so many times before that he can finish it and brush it off

CANDY CRUSH  !!?!??

AWWWWWW THATS ADORABLE ;____; sukuna wanting to do something to surprise gojo’s first day as a teacher and yuuji suggesting to make a cake cus he knows his daddy loves sweets AND they spent the whole day prepping awawawawaw so cutee

they called on uraume for help too LOL poor them 

yuuji being a snitch HA i can’t help but think of my siblings

you can’t be serious gojo, not after that? people also don’t usually sleep and cuddle the homies cmon man

mother is mothering and mother is leading the herd (no but i love how he adapted to the role very easily, likely to prior experience)

whuh the fundraiser was last year ? am i overthinking the timeframe … ok im back after going thru the calendar that makes sense 👍 carry on wait hold on first semester of first grade ended so they’re on break ... summer break ?? unless this is going off of a different schooling system (oh yeah duh japan lol)

ohhh please let them meet mama-guro i can imagine the absolute shock on their faces trying to comprehend how someone like toji managed to marry someone like her 😭 bonus points if toji is much more softer around her too and the sheer whiplash of seeing him having ANY sort of loving side is enough to send gosuku into a spiral

“It’s exactly the type of thing Sukuna would never be caught dead wearing, which means Satoru must do all in his near-infinite power to make him wear it.” real

THESE THREE ARE RIDICULOUS LMAOOOOOO sorry kids your fathers are busy trying to one-up each other

“But, then again, these are just go-karts; how much damage could he really do?” famous last words before disaster

oh no

hey sukuna’s living life at least he’s having fun and that’s all that matters 🥰

not the pyramid projectiles

CONICAL AMMO !?$&7)-)26 MARIO KART IRL GONE WRONG oh my god its too late for this i need to sleep

OH MY GOD ?????? 

WHADDYA MEAN THEY’RE GONE ??????

post chap notes:

what just happened

no really what jusr happened

the amount of times i’ve said oh my god throughout the entire go-kart scene i was clutching my pearls

he recreates his reign in the silliest ways, all while wearing nice little red bow :3

nah i get it the entire first arc was dedicated to how messed up he was abt suguru so i understand the doubts but they’ve also near kissed multiple times .. unless they were super down with kissing the homies 

“I sure hope nothing bad has happened to them...” STOP

[rattotheimperialcheesegod]

I wanna rant about my opinions on certain characters and aphmaus own character (mainly the cast of the "smp") this may be garbled since im just going off whats on my mind rn

SMP and OG series talk

Now Im not the biggest fan of mystreet, but im not a hater, i think its og first three seasons are fine (third seasons plot was straight ass through) but after season 4 and all the multiverse and mcd and mystreet worlds are in the same timeline thing, kinda made things werid

(especially with season 4 oh my god wtf was that)

But now that i see how those characters are used now.....for fucking cocomau content...

...I can't really give mystreet shit cause its cast was sent right into kid sensory video hell or just hell since a lot of characters didn't end up in the cocomau smp unless it was highschool themed videos (RIP katelyn and travis, forever in highschool puragatory dimension)

But those who were spared from the waste bin were cursed with a experience worse than death

Character Regression and Character Assassination

The entire cast of the aphmau smp (and one video returning characters too) all have their worst traits put to eleven or are at their most basic traits of the trope of their character where they are competely soul-less or lose past development in their character as a whole

(or your pierce, and you get a competely different personality from the og series you were from)

Now the reason why everyone is like this is of course (kids channel now) and (everyones supposed to be in a server and are irl ppl now)

But...when i said characters have their worst traits put up to eleven, is for one reason

Its so aphmau and aarons actions look better in comparisson, since shes the all perfect main character that does no wrong and is so nice to everyone and...aaron is basically the mvp of the smp, best fighter, builder, and "hottest guy" on the server and is the mysterous loner or some shit.

(Fact I hate these two so fucking much)

littary aphmau is the most overdramatic marysue bitch ive ever seen when it comes to reasons why she has the right to go apeshit on her friends and i could bring up several videos, i really could, its not hard

noteablely, the many times she has decided to just kill her best friends or ruin her friends lives out of petty reasons and childish reasons none the less, and god this girl just loves getting pissy when someone does the exact thing she did to another, since only she can steal others stuff or blow up their house, or be overpowered to a point where shes just cheating.

But oh my god, jessica you know how to make me hate all the rest of your bitches too!

(besides noi, kim and pierce, they are perfect to me, noi is on thin ice tho)

KC, Zane, Ein and Aaron are on my list of bitches I wouldnt hesitate to fucking kill on sight if i saw their color coded asses spawn into a ACTUAL minecraft server. (ill get to that color coding thing too btw)

The Asshole and The Clown

Now fuck where do i begin with these four, like all of them over the past three to four years has become the most annoying and aggrevating characters

But, just so I don't pull someones nerve with the true "fan" favorites, Aaron, the jerrysue of the smp and basically her perfect half cause hes jusr her but as a man, he's a jackass that is never called out for his asshole behavior like every other male character is, hes always put as being smarter, better, stronger, and more attractive than any of the other guys too, basically being the best alpha male ever to exist....but not really, not even a single bit

I swear this is the worst verison of aaron ive ever seen in my life, the biggest try hard ive ever seen, all the girls wanna date him, always gloating when theres someone around he believes hes better than, and god he is not nice to others who arent good at building like him. Honestly, MAN ISNT NICE AT ALL!! like only time he is nice is of course to the purple stain that is his irl wife, like the times this guy was just violent for no reason, insulting or just aggrevated around anyone was just making me feel like...

aaron do you even like any of these people??, cause ive seen every way he talks to all of the cast and he sounds like he wants them all gone and dead so he can just be all cutesy and shy around aphmau, like dude if you think all of them are annoying, dont live near by them?????

(Now, ive mentioned both the channel mascot couple of the smp, but heres the thing, when i said the other characters make these two look like angels, i mean it)

Now we are actually really digging, and we didnt even need to go far, we've already struct gold!...but theres not much...

Ein, the worst villian and most pathetic man to ever live.

What a time, season 4 of mystreet! and we got the biggest clown with the biggest alpha complex to ever exist! and the evolution of a creep in werewolves as a whole....it was fucking werid

Anyway, now smp ein is a true irl villian, hes no longer just a anime incel, hes a fucking sexist gamer incel also!

Now, Ein really isnt too interesting (wow what a surprise) really hes one of the characters who has been put to his most basic traits making him extra annoying, extra obessed with power and, of course still be madly in love with aphmau but if it wasnt known, aphmau changed alittle bit of eins lore, making him no longer related to her (only in the smp cannon tho💀) which is a good thing! but its only a change that was made for horrible reasons, being that she still needs him to be aarons rival and as i said before, be aphmaus possible second "choice", which is...normal for aphmau honestly....

(Aphmau can't have a single man on this server just not be into her, even if the guy clearly has a love interest thats not her)

Strangely though she really likes to romantically pair Ein with everyone, even men, so at least we know she still has that problem with her ocs...

Hes like her little lab rat and i hate her so so much, but fuck its hard to feel bad for him since this women will than have this man be the worlds second most grossiest sexist incel you could ever come across

wait did I say second--

Zane ro'meave and his several counts of "GET A JOB, STAY AWAY FROM HER"

(mystreet zane is fine, mcd zane is the perfect kinda villain for what mcd was, and smp zane is hell on earth, the end)--

Zane in the aphmau smp is kinda...a jumpscare in a half since you never know when hes gonna switch, cause...he has the biggest habit of either, being the biggest smartass in the room or the scariest "my lady" ass incel you could ever fucking dream apon, just every bit of his charm from mystreet that made you kinda push aside the slight every now and than werid behavior he had, its just GONE

absolutely vanished! and yknow what

I hate zane, i hate him more than i hate anyone in this damn cast, im the biggest zane hater you will ever meet, and the reason for it is cause this verison of zane is the dark universe of if zane never grew from the FIRST season of mystreet, never got humbled or anything, and also if he still acted like a hormone filled highschooler whenever any women even looked his fucking way.

Hes a creep, hes a incel, hes still sexist and overprotective of his only female friend, but now even wants to date her just to have more control over who she can't and can speak to (code for, no guy friends allowed/no aaron, bo womp) and if he isnt doing that, hes drooling and creepily mumbling to himself about the pink cat girl he has a massive crush on.

Honestly worst part of it is that he acts like this outta nowhere, and even worse, recently theres been this obession with him NEEDING KC's diary, wanting to know every single little thing about her so he knows how to woe her and even see if she likes him, which is just...

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM???!!!??

APHMAU WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM BE LIKE THIS??!!??

(and hes not even punished for it, like maybe kc telling him that hes creepy or smth, nothing, just nothing, proubly cause recently they have been competely implied to be dating now)

but, its not like miss kc is perfect, oh boy, kc is...

The two sided bitch and her jealously and spite of her "perfect" best friend + shipping

Oh KC, when i first started watching all this cocomau trash, you were boring as hell, just a cute cat girl who likes to bake and be pretty, and just another yes man for that purple cunt, but ever since you started being a cunt yourself, you have only been a pain to watch and listen to, you have only made me hate you and your little lap dog of a boyfriend even more honey

So KC, our resident cute cat girl isnt really all that cute of recent, she slowly becoming more spiteful, having anger issues, being more whiney, bratty, jealous, and unloyal to her partner, creating the most toxic couple in the entire smp verse

(but this was something that was gonna happen at some point, aarmau has to stay as the perfect ship, couple goals yknow, so zane x kc has be anti-aarmau, toxic behavior all around)

Now KC is a unloyal and horrible partner for a few reasons, shes a massive hypocrite and sadly abusive.

1. She gets mad at Zane for even speaking to other girls, or even seemingly flirting with them, specifically any of the marry, date, kill videos with both of them in it can be a big example of this behavior.

But than when we look the other way to her, she gets to playfully talk, compliment and flirt with any guy she wants, and gets all angry when shes stopped from doing it, also she only does this with aaron btw, since shes jealous of aphmau having "the hottest, coolest, and sweetest guy in the server" for a boyfriend.

(aaron is littary none of those things and just pointing out more to how aaron is a jerrysue)

2. KC IS SO FUCKING VIOLENT WITH ZANE OH MY GOD, i guess aphmau still thinks when a women hits or beats up her male partner, its her being in the right or it being super duper funny and wacky!

(this entire short is an example of that)

But I will say though, it isnt just KC, their a toxic couple cause their both terrible partners, zane is equally just as hypocritical and unloyal, but hes a lot more oppessive and even more jealous prone,

(kim is usually a victim of being between the two but fr fr, kim genuinely hates zanes, aphmau just keeps making more drama for no reason and really wants ppl to also ship kim x zane, which....when it comes to everyones opinion of mystreet kim and ghost existing and everything with season 4....it is never gonna fucking happen you dumb purple cunt)

My Inner Demons-Character regression and personality switches (a short one)

Now that we are off those characters, lets end this off with our favorite little daemos!

Noi and Pierce!

Now, im a advid lover of my inner demons, its the last of aphmaus good content before the purge and its sadly the best of her writing, but the fact that she put them in the smp is a red flag, and i instantly noticed things...

...Pierce is a silly himbo goofball now that has a brain the size of a pea, and who loves sheep

and

Noi is the most basic sweet little good boy, does no wrong little guy, baking cooking and eating pizza

(now im not mad about this, since i got to know the smp verisons of them before their og selfelves)

but fuck i prefur when noi had depth and was genuinely mean and kinda rude on purpose.

im mixed with pierce tho cause i like both verisons of him, i think both verisons of him are neat, his va has good range, respect that

The End

Well thats all i gotta say, ratto out and about

[orionsangel86]

"I will probably never watch an episode of SPN again due to finale trauma"

Same.

I haven't watched a second of SPN since the finale aired. The finale retroactively destroyed the entire show for me. I literally threw out all my SPN merch the next day. Donated it all to a thrift store. I was so embarrassed. I unfollowed everyone (except Misha Collins) associated with the show the moment the last episode finished. I just didn't want anything more to do with it. I still find it hard to believe they really made that episode and allowed it to be broadcast. Blows my mind to think people were paid actual money to write and produce that. They frickin risked their lives (!!!) to make it. Imagine if they'd all gotten COVID and died in Vancouver, unable to see their families one last time, alone in COVID isolation wards, unable to hold funerals (if their bodies would've even been allowed back into the country).. and for what? The shittiest episode of television ever made. Oof.

I remember my friend (who knew I was dreading the finale) asked me the next day "so, how was it?" and I just replied "IT WAS SO MUCH WORSE THAN I EVEN IMAGINED."

Like, I was *expecting* it to be bad. I was *prepared* to be disappointed. But I was NOT ready for it to be SO bad that I would immediately retroactively disown the entire show and everyone associated with it out of sheer existential embarrassment.

Reading this is so sad because its so close to my experience. I didnt have a lot of merch, but the merch i did have was either thrown out or shoved in the back of my wardrobe never to see the light of day again!

That finale really did a number on us didnt it? Over 3 years later and it still hurts my heart when I think about it too much.

It really was the worst thing ive ever seen. Ive seen some pretty bad TV but omg nothing will ever top that. Its maddening that anyone could sign off on that absolute garbage as if it was worth anything more than being cast into holy fire and condemmed to the 7th circle of hell.

Its funny, I'm so weary and apprehensive about starting new media since then. Its impossible to trust storytellers especially anything made by those involved with spn. I have kept my heart so guarded since then and refuse to fall into fandoms that dont already have a known ending. The only reason i allowed myself to get super into Sandman is because the story is complete, and we all know Good Omens will get a happy ending. Anything else for me is either one off mini series, or shows that have already aired in full.

I want to love Dead Boy Detectives when it comes out. I dont know how that story will end though I suppose there are comics already for it that I can look into. Also Steve Yockey was one of the few gems of SPN and I'm happy that his ghost has partnered with Neil Gaiman to make something that looks really decent. Steve Yockeys SPN episodes were always meta masterpieces of metaphor and symbolism and so I hope it'll build a meaty fandom to get excited about.

Then again the apprehension and fear remains, because SPN finale trauma prob wont ever go away. You cant invest years of your life devoted to those characters only to have them destroyed to dust before your eyes and come out unscathed.

I hope over time the feelings we hold about it get easier to deal with, especially as we move on to new stories, new fandoms, and new characters to love. But SPN the show is very much dead to me, and this time it wont resurrect.

[pezpenser205]

it is actually lowkey cathartic to have been at my worst publicly. like that was it. that was the worst time of my entire life and the very worst my mental state can ever get, and everyone saw. everyone saw plainly the worst ive ever been and ever can be. its not going away. im not gonna delete all the posts i made from that time. you can clearly scroll through my op tag far back enough and see how bad i was. it cant get any worse than that, and my little online friends are still here and still love me despite seeing me like that, and i didnt do anything unforgivable like i was so worried i would. so maybe things will be okay. if i can make it over All That youve gotta make it too. please make it

[slutdge]

realized i never actually asked how my oldest sister died cause that was like very traumatic for my parents obviously but especially my mom cause the year before her dad had died too and from day one my dad made it very clear that i was never to bring it up, it just became this extreme taboo in the family, and in turn they had me to "replace her" but constantly reminded me i could never replace her and obviously that was damaging to a 5 year old. ive talked to my parents about her maybe twice in my entire life, and both times they reminded me they wished she had lived instead of having me because my disability is so hard on them as if its my fault she died. being unwanted from conception is a special kind of trauma. it shouldnt be weight on my shoulders that they tried to achieve the impossible by replacing their dead child with a new one, but it is. it is on my shoulders and its suffocating me. and thats only the 17th worst fucking thing they ever did to me.

[muttmoxley]

oooooooo im. im wavibg my fingers tell me about juno

ooooooo

ooohhhhhh noooooo… ive been hypnotized by your finger wibbling…. i guess i have to talk about hiiimmmm……

@ my fellow players in the d4 campaign DONT READ THIS. none of them actively use tumblr but jic

(LOTS of text under cut)

the first thing i always always always say about him is that he fucking SUCKS. hes the worst man alive i hope he dies im literally obsessed with him. juno infyris is a tiefling celestial warlock :3 his patron god is homebrew that i made myself! basically he grew up in the underdark (gracklstugh to be specific) doing odd jobs to make enough money to leave. since almost all of the underdark is under lolth, he genuinely just didnt. think gods were real. he was an atheist he just thought everyone else was in a cult on something LMFAO once he was old enough he started a little shop of his own selling fake magic items (most of which he stole). like spamton but not actually like spamton at all. now while setting up his window display for candlenights he ACCIDENTALLY SUMMONED A DEITY. shes like ohhh brave one you have summoned me….. your wish is my command… i shall aid you in your journeys…. and hes like Uh Um Uhhh Can You Help Me Out. (<- INCREDIBLY UNSPECIFIC THING TO SAY TO A LITERAL GOD.) she takes this and fuckinf runs with it hes now soulbound to this deity thats trying to make him a better person and have him do good deeds and stuff amd he HATES IT. as aforementioned he is the worst fucking guy alive hes greedy and selfish and an all around bastard who literally scams people for a living and now all of a sudden hes forced to be a good person or else god will kill him and its the funniest dynamic ive ever written. anyways he escapes his master and leaves the underdark and meets up with the party etc etc etc BUT i wanna talk more about his life before then. see the underdark is a really shitty fuckinf place to live for like 90% of the population and basically anyone that isnt a drow or duergar. SO. you can imagine his life kind of sucks. he is forever in servitude of at least one master at all times & is FOREVER trying to convince everyone he meets to let him live. he used to have wings, in fact! however when they grew in, his master used him for his wings & made him do a bunch of shady shit for him before cutting them off, not wanting juno to seem too valuable to others and have him stolen. juno currently doesn’t remember ever having wings & is convinced hes just naturally discoordinated and clumsy but in reality he’ll never fully acclimate to living without his wings. for all of the 18 years he lived in gracklstugh he spent every day trying to be good enough so that he wouldn’t be deemed useless and killed. his main tactic for this is flirting. see, he knows he’s fucking annoying, and he’s spent years trying to ‘fix it’, and he just can’t. so if he cant change his personality, he believes his only use is his looks. he’ll flash a charming smile and a kiss on the cheek to the vendor he’s currently robbing, distracting them so that he can steal just enough to get by. he’s fucking pretty, and he knows it, so he uses it to his advantage. he exists as an accessory, something to be used, and believes that’s the entirety of his worth. when he escapes the underdark by killing his master (with the help of angel, another pc in our campaign), he takes his left eye out. the scar changes everything. if he’s not pretty, not appealing enough, then he’s fucking useless. he finally got his chance to escape the underdark and now he’s going to be left to die as soon as he sees the sun for the first time. OBVIOUSLY THIS ISNT WHAT HAPPENS. throughout the campaign, one of the other pcs, rpck (no that’s not a typo his name is rpck) falls in love with him. this shit changes EVERYTHING his entire worldview begins to crumble as he learns he can finally be loved and. Yeaghf. im fucking normal about him. theres ALWAYS more i can say abt him but this is long enough already LMFAO thank u for letting me ramble jack :-)

[valeriianz]

2, 3, 14, 19 for the concert asks?

yo! under the cut cos this got just a little long

2: Best concert you’ve ever been to

THE CAT EMPIRE AT HISTORY, TORONTO!

ahhhh every Cat Empire show is crazy. they are so fucking talented and you can tell they just love music. they do jam sessions on stage and the hype and positivity is so infectious. Felix does this thing that i love where he sticks the mic stand into the crowd and gets us singing. it's always such a fun time. and the fans, dude! we are all just music lovers and since i always go to shows alone, i love talking with them. they are the most down to earth, chill human beings.

and this show in particular, i got invited backstage to jam with the band 😭💖 we ate pizza and drank beer and it was the coolest experience of my life. i wish they toured N America more lmao

3: Worst concert you’ve ever been to

im very fortunate that most of my shows have been at least worth the money. but i can think of two right off the bat that i wasn't satisfied with. story time(s)!

Lindsey Stirling at the MET in Philly.

so, ive seen Lindsey Stirling three times. for those who don't know her, she's a violinist, but very poppy with dubstep mixed in. her shows focus very heavy on dance and theatrics. the first time was at a festival when she was suuuuper brand new (2015) and the crowd was alive. it was so fun. and it makes sense, her music is the type to dance to!

second time i saw her was another standing crowd situation in Manhattan circa 2016. when i say the crowd was dead, oh my god it was lifeless. i was embarrassed. New York City, what the hell?

then i saw her at the MET in 2022, which is a seated venue. and like, holy hell... everyone remained seated, even when Lindsey told the crowd to get up and dance multiple times. at one point i had put my phone up to record a certain part of the show and the girl sitting behind me immediately tapped me on the shoulder and told me to put my phone down. like, okay i get recording the show is annoying, but im not that guy. i just wanted to record a 10 second sequence she was doing but fine. i barely took my phone out during that performance.

but anyway, the stillness. listen, ive been to seated venues before (rock shows) and no one ever remains seated through the entire show. what the fuck is that? i was dancing in my seat while everyone around me looked at me like i was crazy. omg i just wanted to jam! and then my favorite song came up, Roundtable Rival (listen to this song and tell me how im not supposed to dance to this) and fuck it, i stood up and started to shake it.

to wrap up this long story, the girls behind me were so disgusted by my actions they full on left. there was only one other person in the floor seats that i could see who was also standing and dancing. and during the last song, Lindsey actually made everyone stand up and groove to the song (but even standing, these people were fucking dead).

i took my frustrations to reddit, asking if i was in the wrong, and got absolutely dog-piled with hate. even though Lindsey clearly said at least twice during the show to stand up. i haven't listened to her since. she's a talented musician, but the fans absolutely killed it for me.

Fall Out Boy at the Key Bank Center, Buffalo

this is gonna be a short one. this was in 2017-early 2018 i think. it was for their Mania tour. I had seen them the year before in Brooklyn and the show they put on was super fun, they really made use of the stage (this was an arena tour) and for that show, i had purchased nose-bleed seats. and for this one in Buffalo, i purchased floor tickets (it was significanly cheaper in Buffalo).

but they didn't utilize the stage at. all in Buffalo. all the theatrics i had seen in Brooklyn didn't exist here. the tracklist was pretty much the same, the graphics and pyro the same. but just a weak performance with no energy. i was so bored.

14: Moshpit, barricade, back, or rafters

i have sampled all these options, and 100% always prefer the barricade. i love being up close to the action and (usually) that up close is where the party is happening. (though i could go on a rant about how concert goers don't jump/dance at shows anymore, even some rock shows ive been to have just been. muted. i still dance my face off and make it a problem for the people around me).

tried one moshpit in my experience and the adrenaline is like nothing else. but i'd probably steer clear of it now. gotta protect my weary bones in my older age haha

19: Farthest traveled for concert/festival

before my trip in June, it was 400 miles (within the states). but after my last show, its now 560 miles (900 km)!

ive definitely thought about going to festivals overseas, especially since two of my favorite bands are English and Australian... but as much as i love traveling, i find it annoying to plan a trip around a concert so. traveling further than a few hundred miles just for a show is not something i typically do.

concert asks

[funkii-fox]

ohmygosh i know EXACTLY who ur talking abt on that post with the self shipping hater and like mlm and wlw is better. they get on my nerves SO BAD like ive known them since 2021 or 2022 methinks but i have them blocked cuz no way u can say all that. french people amiright/j

BAHAHA well idk if u actually do, but thank god someone knows my struggle. I cant believe half the shit i read from his texts and stories bruh. Like okay buddy 👁️👄👁️

I feel like after a certain point, if an overwhelming majority of ppl dislike u, even within ur own community, even among ur closest friends, thats when u fail. Thats when u do introspection. Theres always haters trying to drag u down, but this guy has so many ppl that rightfully dislikes him for every single controversy hes ever gotten into. How is everyone else on the Earth wrong and ur the only one thats right?

And this guy knows hes abt to lose me too. Once i made a kinda vent post tht said “demons in my head: leave them before they can leave you”. It was more like a self deprecating meme, and it abt two unrelated moots. But this guy was so insecure and thought it was abt him. And every time i put a vague negative thing on my status like “wtf is wrong w this guy” he always asks abt who the note was abt, probably bc he suspects it’s abt him. Idk tho. Now that i think abt it he could be asking bc hes into drama

See, this guy is so misogynist and “ugh women this” but he LOVES drama and gossip, just like women stereotypically do. He HATES tucutes “grr bruja ari this” but his main oc looks like a girl “hes androgynous” bffr. He hates on women that self ship w ocs but he makes ocs 😭 this guy is the most giant fucking hypocrite I’ve ever seen bro

Recently he got mad at a reel in his feed and put it on his story. This reel was abt someone saying theyre only into autistic ppl, and my first thought was “same ngl there’s something wrong w neurotypicals” but this guy’s first thought was “HURRR DURR STOP SEXUALIZING AUTISTICS” …the ENTIRE comment section was the op fighting for their life bc theyre autistic and for some reason everyone thought they were neurotypical. And that tells me that this guy saw the post and immediately got mad and posted it to his story. Not even looking into the comments to see if his judgment was right💀

I remember he used to flirting w me. He got the fucking hint by now, but it was sooooo annoying 😭 u can tell he was hoping so bad that i would reciprocate his sexual “jokes” and it was awkward asf when i wouldn’t. I wonder if he thought he was sexy to me bc hes French. Like he assumes the accent was enough to pull me 😭 even tho ive stated a lot (not necessarily to him but in general) that im not looking for any romantic or sexual relationship w anyone rn 💀 i think the worst prt is that i dont hate sexual jokes between friends, but if i send these funny sexual memes hes gonna think i want some. Like no thanks :|

[woodswolf]

Me before attempting to write Olimar again, one year ago: "Okay, this'll be interesting. Writing a character who isn't severely fucked up on two or five levels (but will be by the time I'm done with him). This will be nice a little experiment for myself."

Me now, having catapulted down the character study rabbit hole as I tend to: "Oh dear god, wait a minute: this guy is as deeply fucked up on the level of whom I usually write for! And I don't think that was my fault for once! I've been deceived! What the fuck?!"

(TL;DR: Your tags and ramblings made me Think, thank you. I'm certain you are having a blast tearing him to shreds in some terrible way I've yet to think of myself lol.)

(RE: all of this shit probably)

i have only really truly known this guy for a bit over a year and every little bit ive learned about him has only pushed me ever deeper into this endless well of fascination with whatever the fuck is wrong with him. this guy is a pathological liar as a method of self-soothing. who DOES that. how the fuck did he arrive in this scenario.

really when you get down to it olimar is like, perhaps one of the most depressed characters of all time, it's just that he's carefully crafted a presentation of symptoms that very cleverly hides this from both the audience and himself. this guy is literally miserable. he viscerally hates his boss and is frustrated with his coworkers where they're even relevant. he has somewhere in the range of mixed feelings on his job but generally wishes that it allowed him more time with his family. his family, which has so many undeniable problems it's difficult to even list them. where to start: his kids? his wife? his parents? every happy memory he has involves his family and most of those memories are brief glimpses at Connection that otherwise seems so absent from the rest of his life. he's a middle-aged man with a house and a yard and a wife and two-kids-and-a-dog and probably a white picket fence for good measure. he's ticking all the boxes that he was raised* to think were a one-way ticket to happiness. so why is he still so lonely? why isn't he happy? what is this general malaise that's hanging over his entire life? what's wrong with him?

(*whether or not he was actually raised on a variant of the american dream is a really interesting question but honestly not relevant here. there's a lot of interesting evidence in his logs supporting something more nuanced, but again. irrelevant)

and olimar's answer is that Actually! there's Nothing wrong! he's perfectly fine and perfectly happy and perfectly satisfied with everything in his life. nothing is wrong and he's perfectly happy and even if he weren't (which he is!!!!) he still has so many things that would make up for it. he has so many good memories that are just his that he can hold on to as hard as he possibly can for as long as he needs to until he feels better. he can write them down and read them back as a reminder until it sticks in his brain that He Is Happy. There Is Nothing Wrong. He Is Happy And There Is Nothing Wrong. because he did everything right, didn't he!! he made his choices and for the all the love of everything he holds dear he is going to stick by them. because he needs to. because if he doesn't, where would he even be?

and then this guy has the worst "vacation" of his entire life (DEFINITELY another blatant self-soothing lie btw, you CANNOT convince me that this guy would spend any more time away from his family than he absolutely has to what with his career) and the cracks actually kind of start to show. because he is very quickly launched into the worst series of circumstances he's ever experienced. and through it all he's just!! completely fucking Normal about it!! utterly fucking accepting of any outcome that happens to him because he doesn't feel like he really has any control. like he ever had any control. he should have fucking died. even before the thirty days are up he's just passively accepting of whatever happens. there are tons and tons of treasure descriptions or other entries where he expresses very explicit passive suicidality through things that could be jokes or offhand comments but really don't read like that. pikmin 1's entry for day 29 reads more like a reminder that he should at least try to not let himself die than an earnest attempt to actually do so.

and it's like, if he does survive pikmin 1, what does he even win? ever-increasing stakes at his job and ever-fewer ways to pretend that everything's fine. an ever-brighter flashing neon sign reading QUIT YOUR FUCKING JOB that he has to try increasingly hard to ignore. the job that keeps sending him back to the planet that almost killed him. the job that keeps sending him back to the planet where he barely survived by only his wits and the skin of his teeth. the job that keeps sending him back to the planet where he will die, because no one was supposed to save olimar.

and through it all you can see! you can SEE the way he gets increasingly stressed out as things go along. but he's still just going along trying his damnedest to pretend that everything is fine and he is happy and he doesn't need any help, that he shouldn't be trying to make an exit as quickly as he can and to maybe ask his wife to pick up a job so they can be a dual-income household now that their kids are a bit older. he doesn't need to be looking for anything better because he has the best he's going to get right here, and isn't that wonderful? shouldn't that make him happy?

and it's like, the way things are going he's never going to get there, and on some level he knows that. but olimar's whole fucking deal is that if he can't solve something he's going to throw himself at the problem over and over until either it gets solved or his skull splits open, a pattern that is only reenforced by the events of pikmin 1 and 2 and 3. so he knows that he's never going to be happy, but he's going to try this impossible task of being happy over and over until he either fakes it till he makes it or something kills him. so far it hasn't worked out for him, but maybe the NEXT time he blows up at somebody for no reason because he just can't take the stress of it all anymore!

as it turns out i have no idea how to end this, so on a tangentially related note: olimar is not a biologist by any standard and i will die on this hill. ALL of his piklopedia entries are creative writing exercises and i can ALMOST prove this. but that's a whole other post honestly. just kind of adds to the whole thing about how much olimar lies to the reader and himself.

[cheval-grand]

i was gonna vaguepost this because it's really dumb but actually no. i want to talk about this because it's been the highlight of my week since my cat passed away (he was 22, couldn't be helped, but still hurts a lot) which is that Raleigh, the horse youtuber behind RaleighLink just made the most ironic mistake ever

basically TL;DR the girl whose entire internet career was built on destroying and humiliating people for not being entirely educated on proper horse care...didn't do good enough research on moving her horses, and they paid some consequences. I feel bad for her horses, but the irony is so, so delicious.

she just moved her horses to florida. like. just did that. and posted a video a week ago about how terrible it went. like. as a floridian whose had horses...lmao! lol! rofl!

she talked in the video about how she didnt see anyone talking about the issues she had with her horses after they moved and went on to list...some seriously common issues. like. maybe ive just been surrounded by extremely ambivalent horse people my whole life, but EVERYONE around me my whole life has talked about the biggest issues for moving horses even AROUND florida being

the bugs. you have to both check that the barn/area you're moving to isn't completely overrun with bugs and that some horses just wont be able to handle the bugs, mentally and/or physically. Bug repellents and treatments do NOT work here and the winters don't get cold enough to kill them off so if your horse can't handle bugs or you can't find a sufficiently bug-free boarding, you're screwed.

the grass. even if you're just moving a county over, you never EVER let your horse just into a pasture to bare graze. The richness of the grass varies between areas because of how florida is laid out so you dont let newly moved horses graze without at least an extremely restrictive muzzle or else you're risking colic from the grass change alone

do NOT. EVER. move your horses during the summer. its the worst heat imaginable. bugs in full force. dry spells that make the ground hell to walk on, then rain spells that flood entire pastures. and you're putting the stress of moving on your horse too?

and like. even if you decide to stick your head in the ground and ignore everyone else around here (understandable) you can ask a vet here and they will tell you this. like. for free.

plus, i am willing to bet major money from the fact that she mentioned putting her horses on a 50-acre barn and looking for horse properties that she was looking to move to Ocala, AKA the horse capital of the world. Which would be even funnier considering that the website for the county actually warns about some of these things when moving your horse there too.

basically what im gleaning from this is that she didn't consult with any florida horse people, any florida vets, or even do a deep enough search online for some extremely common issues, and her horses are, no surprise, having reactions to the bugs, and I suspect the grass too, as well as the sweltering heat of mid summer because of it.

again, i feel really bad for her horses, but the fact that THE PERSON who built a 300k+ youtube audience on attacking people for anything from actual horse abuse to simple beginner mistakes has...made a beginner mistake, is so hilariously ironic to me.