#This CHILDS BOOK written for adults is being read to CHILDREN

[nikkisticki]

I just looked at the Jordan Peterson subreddit and didn't say anything to any of those fuckers even though every single post was somehow factually incorrect or insane

Am I enlightened or dead to the world

[blissfulphilospher]

So, I don't know why I am posting this but I had this in my heart since a long time. So, bear with me.

I read Princess and the Queen and Fire and Blood back in 2019, after GoT ended for more content. And I got to know about The Dance from Tumblr, the awesome artists and fanarts.

When I read those books, I felt for Rhaenyra. No I don't have a step mother but Rhaenyra felt alone, like her mother died and her father remarried, her new step mom was first kind and loving but then after a brother all that changed.

I can't blame book Rhaenyra for not having good relationship with her siblings, she was a child, just like them and the world was trying to replace her with them just as her mother had been replaced. (When my brother was born, I felt the same and we don't have the best relationship even now, but you know whose fault is that? Adults. Adults who love to compare and pity siblings against siblings)

Why Viserys never tried to mend the relationship between his eldest son and daughter? Even Alicent tried. And then Daemon evidently manipulated Rhaenyra more to hate her siblings for his own benefit. He was pushed down in succession. (He should never have been in succession)

Then Rhaenyra grows older, bold and doing as she like, fighting her step mother, beefing with her siblings and people are following her. She is being courted and has freedom in that era.

I liked book Rhaenyra because she seemed ruthless. She wasn't trying to pretend being good, she was ambitious, she was fighting for the throne because her father chose her. Not because of a stupid prophecy. We all know how that ended. She wanted the throne. (I will eat my brother alive if my father chose me for something and not him). She was unhinged.

And I liked that about her. I liked Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen. She was greatly flawed, she offered her brothers for Laenor, she fed a man to her dragon, she hosted a lavish feast in a starving city, she was a woman and let men do the fighting. She was a mother and did everything to protect her children (foolishly though). She faced death with bravery and didn't begged and didn't offered negotiation, didn't ran. A true dragon. Like those menacing cruel dragons?

And then HotD gave us...

1) 'I rather serve as a knight and ride to battle and glory' but she isn't train with swords. If she wants that then why isn't she trained? Was this to appease Arya's fans? Also this message of feminism, 'a woman only cool and worth something when she wants to be like men, Do what men does.' I am not saying this is bad but you are making her a feminist atleast let her appreciate females? Also, again, if she wanted to train with swords then why didn't she? Nobody stopped Visenya and Alyssa, no one would have stopped her.

2) On Aegon's nameday, enough people have said that already, Rhaenyra being mean to her two year old brother and acting like a spoilt child but I want to add this—

Everyone came there for Aegon, hoping Viserys will name him heir. HotD gave us Rhaenyra acting like a brat and then killing a boar and totally projecting her as a protagonist by showing White Hart, and sexy cool asf covered with blood. She could have made alliance, like book Rhaenyra would have mingled with everyone, dressed better than everyone, charming everyone. Not arguing with other ladies and lords.

3) Daemyra. Enough said. I never thought Book Rhaenyra and Book Daemon had any great love story, they were not even written as such. Nah, Rhaenyra desired Criston, tried to seduce him first. Daemon was only using her. He had one healthy relationship in the book and that was with Laena. They both came together because none of them considered Alicent and her children as their family too.

I hate this show for promoting them as some great tragic love. Nah, Rhaenyra needed his protection and Daemon wanted to be closer to the throne. Why didn't they let them be that? How are they going to justify as to why Daemon left Rhaenyra and his son alone to go die along with Aemond?

And if Daemyra is a great tragic love story why they got afraid to show Rhaenyra having Laenor murdered? Because that was the level of her craziness in the books, and that's in the character of Daemyra. That's 'I will do anything to be with you, for you' energy.

Gods, I thought Rhaenyra would be Cersei Lannister level in HotD, cool, snarky, awesome, beautiful, unhinged, fashion icon, doing everything for her children, doing everything for her and not shying away from the person she is, a necessary evil (like feeding Vaemond to Syrax). And incestuous. Of course Jaime x Cersei level of craziness in Daemyra?

In HotD... Emma and Milly did awesome job but their character was bland. Served to us by writers as 'a goody two shoes always right'. 'she can do nothing wrong.'

Why is media afraid of showing what women are? Why can we only be 'goody two shoes, patriarchy bad, I am awesome cause I am not like other girls' in feminist shows? Why can't they women as humans, as grey, ambitious? Why can't woman be anti hero? Rhaenyra is suffering from stereotyped blend of Arya and Dany.

Alicent is a fresh breath in that regard. But I hate the show for stripping away her agency and making her a crybaby. You are showing me that the Queen, who may or not have murdered Viserys, cried for him? That her, who plotted and plotted and led the Greens, crowned her daughter would not want her son to be king?

They even changed the dinner scene, everyone was supposed to make fun of the other party. No heartwarming and Aegon was supposed to fight Jace.

But make two female characters cry over each other, cry over men, abuse them, strip their agency, make the person you are trying to show as protag (she should not even be a protag) blander than water and call it a feminist show.

(HotD should not even be a feminist show, it should have been a family drama show. Imagine my embarrassment when I told my brother that I love Rhaenyra and I am just like her before the show started and by the end I was like ... Wow Aegon Second of His Name, I stan the One True King. Because he, despite they made him a monster is more interesting than Rhaenyra at this point.)

I was robbed. We were robbed of spicy hot pizza and instead given a bland cheese toast.

I refuse to eat bread, give me cake. Cersei, Margaery, Catelyn were cake, Alicent... She is the cookie. (Not adding Sansa because in the end of the show... Book Sansa is pastry.)

At this moment we all most cope. Thank you whoever read this. Also wanted to add, I was Team Woman but I can't stan this Rhaenyra. Nah.

[ajokeformur-ray]

My thoughts on Jareth

If none of these thoughts or concepts are original or if they're canon elsewhere, then I'm unaware because I've never read any of the novelisations or comics etc. These thoughts are all based on over twenty years of loving this film; it raised me while I raised my younger siblings.

4.9k words, written during Labyrinth's 1 hour 41 minute runtime. Unedited.

Hesitant to post but doing it anyway because a friend read it last night and liked it enough to encourage me to post it.💖

I think a lot of who Jareth is, is contained within his music - “lost and lonely... no love injection... no one can blame you for walking away... don't tell me truth hurts, little girl, because it hurts like hell... that's underground.” - in this last one, he's telling her who he is and how his world works. He's lonely, the only one of his kind Underground, and in the end credit song it's rather heavily implied that his sister wished him away when they were children, and he begged for his daddy to come and get him, but he was never rescued and rather reluctantly was forced to become the King of the Goblins, somehow. Jareth knows the truth hurts, towards the end of the film he's hurting but he can't and won't stop it, because Sarah is his downfall and he knows it. He's doomed to shrivel up within her as a very strong childhood figure, lost and stagnant within her imagination, while Sarah will, at some point, grow up and thrive because of the lessons he taught her, the friends he gave her (or the creatures he put in her path, if you'd prefer to think of it like that) and his presence in her life. He was there for her when she was lost and lonely and wanting to escape from all of it. Jareth caught her as her world fell down, but when he fell... no one was there to catch him. He's doomed by his own narrative.

He watches her rehearse from the book he gave her in the park – he's getting to know her and who she is in the moments when no one's watching. A teenage girl who has had a traumatic time – the death of her mother/her parent's divorce and her father's remarriage (canon is shaky on whether her mother died or left to become a Hollywood actress and so her father remarried after their divorce, so I've included both possibilities for the sake of being thorough), the birth of a new sibling and the parentification that elder siblings get stuck with most of the time, – and is stuck in the uncomfortable stage of still being a child but not quite an adult. He's an owl while he watches her – suspicious in broad daylight but hidden; Sarah clearly thought nothing of it, and perhaps he was indulging her, giving her the audience and attention she craved, but also giving her and himself the company they both need - “lost and lonely”is repeated in the opening song; it's common ground they both share and is therefore a theme within the narrative. Jareth uses his music to speak, as do we all. Music binds love and humanity together, and Sarah's time in the park, her rehearsals, is clearly a more tangible deep dive into the world inside her mind – a world in which she is a heroine up against a villain who is as strong and powerful as she is, and an escape from her real life, which is always shattered by the chiming of the clock. Just like Cinderella, another fairy tale. This parallel with clocks, big white Cinderella ballroom dresses and reality shattering a fantasy, is evident also in the As The World Falls Down scene, in which Jareth's devastation is made clear. (More on this later!)

“But what no one knew, was that the King of the Goblins had fallen in love with the girl, and he had given her certain powers” - here's where my main theory starts. Jareth is doomed by the narrative – his own narrative – because it's been constructed by a teenage girl who doesn't know quite yet who she wants to be, and this narrative has been constructed because of the powers he gave her. Jareth doomed himself by falling in love with Sarah and he knows it, but he's powerless to resist because it's in the narrative that he can't. This ties into the “fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave” scene later on, because Jareth is simply declaring them as equals with that line. He already fears the power she has over him, as she has revoked his power over her (or, the power that his character in her story has over her), he already loves her, he already is her slave, and he is already scared of what she could do, because now Sarah has realised that, while she does have to grow up and be a better person, she still has the time for childhood, and that is what she chooses in her rejection of Jareth; she chooses her childhood, delaying adulthood for a few years more. She's only fifteen, so I can't say I disagree with her decision.

Instances in which Sarah could have been harmed but she was not, showing that Jareth never intended her any actual harm and was merely fulfilling his role:

Threw a 'snake' at her, which turned into a soft furry goblin the second it came into contact with her (role here: Sarah wanted to be like the heroine she reads about in Labyrinth, so Jareth gave her a villain to go up against. He said it himself, he only took Toby because she asked him to. Prior to this, the only involvement he had in her life was giving her the book. Otherwise, he was a content silent spectator of this fascinating human who lives with her head in the clouds.)

Sarah got the riddle at the door right and she would have been able to progress through the tunnel into a deeper part of the Labyrinth, but then she said - “I think I'm getting smarter.” (this is confidence and therefore went unpunished; the trap door didn't open) “this is a piece of cake” (this did get her punished, because there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance and she tipped over the edge, so for being arrogant, Jareth hindered her progress and sent her into an Oubliette where Hoggle was waiting for her because, again, Jareth does not want to harm her. He's not an actual villain. He's doing this because she's written him as HER villain and he's merely doing what she asked him to do. Again.Another lesson here; he humbled her immediately and played the role of a mentor/guardian). She could have been hurt when she fell through, but she wasn't. There were Helping Hands to guide her way down gently, and then Hoggle was ready and waiting to take her to another part of the Labyrinth. No harm came to her, even though it very easily could have; Jareth could have let her fall through unguided, with no help on the way down. But, he opened up the world beneath her, and then manipulated his own world to catch her fall, like he promises in the romantic song As The World Falls Down (more on this later). For the second time, he threatened but did not fully follow through.

The cleaners!!! Second time Sarah got arrogant – this time, she looked down before she said “it's a piece of cake” so she was lying about it, and you do not lie to fae! So, Jareth punished her with the cleaners. This was a little more high stakes in terms of harm, but at the end of the corridor is a readily marked part of the wall which is obviously cut out with a darker arch around the outside and weakened enough for a teenage girl to push against it just enough to knock it over right before the cleaners got there and then there's a ladder taking her to safety away from the tunnels???? There is no way that's accidental – everything in the Labyrinth which challenges Sarah is put there by Jareth, who can manipulate his heart (I think the Labyrinth is a metaphysical representation of his heart – more on this later) – or, his world – to his own wants. He humbled her yet again but also punished her for lying to him (to herself, technically, since this story is hers), and gave her a good scare in the process. Sometimes, we need a good dose of fear, and Sarah clearly wants adventure and some excitement in her life!

The Bog of Eternal Stench – What I find interesting here is that Jareth spoke presumably through one of his crystals to warn Hoggle against throwing away the poisoned peach in a god-like over-seeing manner – this was an overt intervention. But minutes before that, he did nothing to prevent Ludo, Sir Didymus and Hoggle all working together to save Sarah from falling into the Bog when the bridge broke. We know from that exchange with Hoggle and previous scenes that he watches Sarah's progress and he manipulates his world/heart at will to hinder/help her, but in this particular moment when she is actually in danger, and not through his or anyone else's fault, Jareth does nothing to prevent his subjects from helping her. Therefore, he never intends to harm her, and I fully believe that if Ludo hadn't been successful in summoning up the rocks to save Sarah, that a barn owl would have swooped in out of nowhere and stopped her from getting hurt/falling into the Bog. There's a strong branch right above where she falls, and there are enough rocks in the Bog to get Sarah to safety. The world of the Labyrinth is built for Sarah because she's at the core of everything Jareth does and stands for. She has to get to the centre of the Labyrinth because the castle represents the core of Jareth's heart. Why else would he be so proactive the closer she gets, with the threats of danger becoming more real and yet she narrowly avoids harm every time? Jareth's mischief is just enough to scare but never enough to hurt Sarah. This over-seeing intervention in times of danger also happens when she jumps in the Escher room – Jareth gentles her descent so she lands delicately on her feet before he steps out through an alcove, implying that he was watching her and intervened when he needed to so that she wasn't hurt. It's no coincidence that all of her friends are able to help Sarah in some way! Sir Didymus' role is intellectual stimulation, giving Sarah the adult conversation she's craving, challenging her to challenge herself. She rises to the challenge every time, and Jareth's lesson here is that sometimes we just have to ask for help - “well, do I have your permission?” - sometimes things aren't always as they seem, but sometimes they are that simple. Family is loyal to family, which is chosen and not decided – Ludo and Sir Didymus are clearly different species, and yet they decide they are brothers and honour that throughout the rest of the film.

Instances in which he aided her progress through the Labyrinth because his real intention is to help her grow up, to help her become who she is supposed to be:

Had Hoggle stationed at the gate of the Labyrinth as her way in, but also as her first friend; we cannot travel through life or growth alone and a being as lonely as Jareth would know this. I feel like Hoggle represents Sarah's stubbornness & her inability to accept help or friendship when it comes from an honest place. “Hoggle is Hoggle's friend!” // “Hoggle, you coward!” - Sarah frequently says “it's not fair!” and doesn't accept responsibility for her actions, so here Jareth has prepared Hoggle to be Sarah's mirror – holding him up so that Sarah can see the error of her ways by observing her behaviour in someone else and realise why it's wrong. Also - “Who are you?” / “Sarah.” / “That's what I thought.” = Hoggle KNEW that Sarah was coming. The journey through the Labyrinth is one big lesson Jareth constructed, because stories have morals and they're meant to teach us about perspectives and other such things about life. So in a way, Jareth turned the powers he gave Sarah against her.

The worm at the wall who told Sarah how to get through the walls/access the actual Labyrinth instead of running through the outer walls; though, Jareth is a fae and Sarah needs to learn to be less naïve/stop taking things at face value so much, especially from strangers or people she doesn't know very well, so the worm lied about which way to go. Nothing is fair in life and this was Jareth's first little reminder for the important lesson. He said it himself - “You say that so often. I wonder what your basis for comparison is.” - which means, all the times he was in the park with her, he never quite figured that out = it's a part of Sarah she needs to work on, because if a silent spectator can't understand something revisited often, then it's likely not a valid viewpoint.

Hoggle frequently tells Sarah that she should give up, stop, turn back, not continue, and every time, Sarah snaps back and says she's not quitting or giving up, she's come too far. This links to my previous point about Hoggle, but here, Hoggle is showing Sarah that she can do something when she wants to, she can be responsible when she needs to be (by this stage of the film, she has accepted the consequences of her actions and has resolved to 'save' her brother from Jareth's very generous babysitting services), and that perseverance and a certain degree of being stubborn is necessary in life. The world doesn't stop when you're tired and Hoggle's role here is to nurture Sarah's resilience. She's already endured so much, “you've run so long, you've run so far” (Within you), and she can endure it better and easier when she has friends/a support network to get through it. Additionally, Sarah and Hoggle are both less resistant to each other's help and friendship as the film progresses – the reflection is completing itself, the mirror isn't needed so much as Sarah grows through the Labyrinth. Jareth has seen her potential through shining moments in Aboveground, and he's trying to help her reach it as best as he can, given he's a figment of her imagination and he knows it. By the end of the film, she's accepting her potential a little more, but isn't quite ready to step into it.

Ludo! His role is to reaffirm that things aren't always what they seem, and to teach Sarah that appearances are deceiving; Ludo is supposed to look scary, but in reality he's a big teddy bear who is resourceful (he uses rocks in times of trouble, or, translated into our world, he does what he can with what he has – an important lesson), afraid of the unknown but willing to venture forth if he has a friend beside him (and this humanises him in Sarah's eyes and makes it easier for her to befriend him), and he's bullied by others for things he can't control (i.e. being strung upside down because he's “a big yeti” and goblins like causing trouble). Ludo's role is to teach Sarah that face value isn't valuable all of the time, and his resourcefulness saves her multiple times. As the King of the Goblins, Jareth knows absolutely anything and everything which goes on in the Underground, and there is no way that he didn't deliberately choose the creatures he did to aid Sarah in her journey. They all fulfil a specific purpose and mirror a part of Sarah back to her so she can change her ways by seeing them in others and realising there's another way. Ludo is a big cuddly teddy bear who gives Sarah a hand to hold, he saves her, he keeps her company, and gives her some comic relief too. He may also be very slight practice for going back home to Toby, like when he gets the door handle stuck in his mouth and Sarah has to help him with it. Jareth here nurtures Sarah's kind nature – she makes friends everywhere she goes and is willing to forgive when Hoggle commits wrongs (abandoning her when they are afraid, giving her a poisoned fruit under the pretense of giving her actual food – which Sarah should have known not to accept, but sometimes we can't see the red flags even when they punch us in the face, and this may have been another lesson from Jareth, or perhaps it was his only way into fulfilling another of his roles; romance.)

This is where things start to fall apart for Jareth. When he says, “friends?” to Hoggle, the bitter undertone in his voice reeks of jealousy. He wants to at least be friends with Sarah, this human whom he's watching grow, but because of the multiple roles and challenges she has written for him to fulfil for her (as a figment of her own imagination, hence why he looks like David Bowie because, in the beginning, we see newspaper clippings of Sarah's mother with David Bowie, so there's a strange Electra-esque situation going on with Jareth looking like Sarah's mother's boyfriend), he's unable to be friends with her. His narrative has him being the villain, the challenger, the threat, the teacher, the nurturer, this all-knowing figure who holds a strange power over her (powers he gave her were then turned onto him and then turned back onto Sarah when she rejects him at the end), the suitor, and, above all else, the life lesson. Nowhere in the narrative she constructed is there room for friendship. He “can't live without her sunlight” (her attention on him), he “can't live without (her) heartbeat” (Within You) because Jareth literally exists within Sarah. He will dessicate inside her, shrivel up within her imagination and become a distant childhood figure as she grows up, while she will flourish and thrive because of everything he did for her when she was younger. And the worst of it is, Jareth is self-aware and he knows this, but he's doomed to do it all anyway because it's his narrative. He is a self-fulfilling prophecy, he's watching his own car crash and he's powerless to stop it because a teenage girl took the powers he gave her and made everything happen between them like it does. He does everything she asks of him, against his better judgement in some cases, and yet she still doesn't accept his love (which, if we follow the metaphor, is actually adulthood as a concept because he's nurturing her – another of his roles) and he's known all along that this doesn't end well for him (“don't tell me truth hurts, little girl, 'cuz it hurts like hell”) but he can't – or won't – try to change it.

The Garbage Lady who leads Sarah into a reproduction of her bedroom to try to trick her into thinking she is home until she opens her bedroom door – Jareth reminds her of what is important – her brother – and 'tests' her by presenting her with all of the material things she values in her bedroom; her childhood slippers and toys, but then she sees the Labyrinth book and she remembers her brother – she chooses reality over fiction and chooses responsibility over fiction, though she still leans into it when it is piled on top of her. Here, Jareth is showing her a balance between the two. They're both important, and they both have their place in helping us to do what we need to.

As The World Falls Down is a scene in which I think, while Jareth is fulfilling the role Sarah has given him as her suitor, he's also being quite vulnerable. Not with her, necessarily, he's teasing her by disappearing into the crowd and he makes her look for him. He makes her chase him, rather than him being the one who is chasing. And then, when he's had his fun, he finds her like he was watching her the entire time and knew exactly where she was and who she was with (notice that when the camera pans, he is always looking at her and barely glances at the other fae who address him in some way). He sweeps her into his arms and they dance. Sarah wanted romance and he was giving her that. In her bedroom at the beginning, Sarah has a ballerina figurine that looks exactly like Sarah does in this ballroom scene, and so parts of the Labyrinth – Sir Didymus' Ambrosius is her dog Merlin, she becomes in this scene that same figurine she has in her bedroom, she has an Escher wall poster in her bedroom, she has a grass maze, she has stuffed animals of the Fire Gang, she has a Hoggle puppet, she physically takes the same lipstick she applies in the beginning into the Labyrinth to guide her way... all these pieces of the Labyrinth which she encounters already exist in her bedroom, adding further evidence to my theory that the Labyrinth and, by extension, Jareth, are all figments of Sarah's imagination, with some added fuckery in that Jareth is the one who gave her the Labyrinth book, which is the source of the powers he gave her.

When they dance, Sarah falls into the illusion, she falls into the romance, but then like in Cinderella and as aforementioned in previous statements, the clock chimes and this shatters the spell, it breaks the dream, and Sarah frees herself. Jareth is visibly distressed, he looks so heartbroken and shattered because he knows no matter what he does, what role he performs for her or how good he does it, no matter what, Sarah is always going to reject him even though she is the one who assigned these roles to Jareth. He is under her spell, powerless to resist against his own powers – powers he gave her! How do you fight yourself? How can he convince Sarah when he only exists within her own mind and worse still, he knows this? He is doomed by his own narrative and it breaks his heart to follow it, but he has no choice. So he exhausts himself, as he states at the end, trying to live up to all the roles Sarah gives him, knowing the entire time that it's futile and he's not going to triumph.

That's not what Sarah wants – she wants a villain, he gave her one. She wanted an escape from a constantly crying baby – he gave her that. She wanted romance, mystery, intrigue, adventure, a good dose of 'safe' fear, friendship, companionship, he gave her all of that. But Sarah cannot give him the one thing Jareth wants – acceptance. Because he exists within her, and being a teenager is too tumultuous a time for Sarah to be able to accept herself, to accept that she needs to grow up and fight to be a better person, and she's not quite ready for that yet. Jareth knows Sarah will fight her way to his heart (the centre of the Labyrinth) and then destroy it – the Escher room dismantles when she jumps, effectively choosing her brother over Jareth. His love for Sarah destroys him, but aids Sarah in becoming someone more mature, wiser, and kinder. When Sarah breaks away from him in this scene and literally shatters the dream he gave her, is when Jareth starts to realise that he's been doomed from the start. Sarah wants pretense, she wants an escape. When Jareth shows her the reality of who he is (or, in the metaphor, the reality of reality), she rejects him, she rejects what it means to be an adult, and thereby chooses to be a child for a little longer. One who is more responsible, sure, but still. Jareth understands this, he knows why it happens the way it does, and though he pleads, the look on his face when he throws the crystal up in the air is ultimately,

“We could have had so much fun together”.

Additionally, there is a deleted scene where Sarah rejects him, but then he smiles right before he throws the crystal into the air. It's a proud smile, which lends support to my theory that he is using the journey through his Labyrinth to teach Sarah, to help her to be a better sister and daughter. She rejects him, and he's heartbroken by it, but he's proud of her too, though he knows he's doomed to just wither away within her. He's a complicated being, so full of grey areas, he's spoilt and ironically as childish as Sarah is, but that's why he's able to fulfil all those roles so well, and apply a mirror between her and the world she explores – self-reflection is, after all, taking a look at oneself, and Jareth has spent so much time with Sarah Aboveground while she rehearses her favourite scenes in Labyrinth that he's come to understand her, though he doesn't agree with everything; and that's why he put this journey into motion.

Another thing I find interesting is how, at the gates of the castle (at the gate of the core of Jareth's heart), is a very menacing scary metal contraption designed to invoke fear and keep people away from getting through the gates. And yet, Hoggle is able to intervene and prevent the attack, and once they're all through the gates, the goblin army don't seem to take it very seriously at all. I have no doubt that, if they needed to, goblins could and would cause serious harm, and yet really they just annihilate themselves and make it very easy for Sarah and her friends to make their way into the castle. This suggests that it's all what's on the surface – they don't treat Sarah like a threat because she isn't one – by this point, Jareth has accepted his own ultimate role is to lose in a love he was written to feel, and he wants her to succeed in running his Labyrinth, he wants her to triumph and become better and learn from him. He wants her to get her brother back, because her brother isn't the point of it all – Jareth only took Toby because Sarah asked him to. The point of it all is for Sarah to grow, to learn how to grow up, to learn to be stronger and kinder and wiser so she can grow up, and that is why Jareth makes it quite easy for her to get through the city into the castle. He only watches from the window, he does nothing to help his goblins or to help Sarah. He just watches from his window, looking down at life happening but doing nothing to stop it.

Once Sarah gets to the castle, it's quiet, still. No more resistance from Jareth, just a final plea to delay the inevitable. “I have to face him alone, that's the way it is done” - here, he is once again a villain, staged for the final confrontation, and Sarah has painted herself as the heroine. Likely because she has little to no control in her real life over anything, so in her head she writes herself to be heroic on adventures, saving other people in a way she wishes she could be saved. In Within You, “your eyes can be so cruel, just as I can be so cruel” - again, he's showing the parallel within them, his first declaration of them as equals, because writers always put a piece of themselves in the stories they write, and Sarah, as Jareth's writer, is no different.

Jareth is so tired in the final scene, all of his masks and roles are discarded, though Sarah still recites from the Labyrinth. Before, Sarah backed away from Jareth, but now he is backing away from her, though he pleads with her to accept him (her dreams, her fiction). The power is now hers, and she knows it. He knows it. The crystal ball turns into a bubble, which breaks at Sarah's touch. Jareth's world shatters, he returns to existing only within her, and Sarah takes away all of the wisdom and lessons and experiences he gave her. I find it interesting how “I need you, all of you” should include Jareth too, but he sits on the outside looking in once again, forced only to watch, and no longer able to participate in her world. The boundaries have changed, Sarah admits she still needs her childhood fantasies and stories to help her with real life, but the narrative she wrote for Jareth is set in stone.

When Sarah's world fell down, Jareth caught her (the comfort of fiction) but when his world implodes, no one is there to break his fall.

Don't tell me truth hurts, little girl, because it hurts like hell...

[whencyclopedia]

Apocrypha and Pseudepigrapha

In the 2nd century CE, as Christianity was in the process of becoming an independent religion, a body of literature emerged that scholars classify as apocrypha and pseudepigrapha. Apocrypha (Greek: apokryptein, "to hide away") are those books considered outside the canon, meaning that they were not included when the New Testament became official after Constantine’s conversion to Christianity.

Pseudepigrapha ("false writing") were bluntly forgeries. They were written or pretended to be written in the name of a past famous person to provide credibility. Jews utilized this literary device, in their apocalyptic texts that pretend to be written by Enoch, Moses, and Abraham. Because they were in heaven, they were sources of both traditional and hidden secrets.

Christian religious expression encompassed ecstatic behavior, such as "speaking in tongues," spirit possession resulting in prophecy, and developed rules and regulations on uses of the body. Christian behavior was framed with the concepts of celibacy (no marriage contract) and chastity (no sexual intercourse) as ideal behavior. Charis ("gifts") were understood as gifts from the spirit of God. Scholars describe this literature as a particular point of view known as 'charismatic Christianity.' In these stories, the concept of charismatic gifts provided the background for the performance of miracles, healings, and conversions. All of the Christian characters remain chaste and celibate.

The Infancy Gospel of Thomas

People wanted to know more details about the movement. Only Matthew and Luke provided the birth story of Jesus of Nazareth, but then they moved directly to the ministry. What was Jesus like as a child? Did he know from the beginning that he was the messiah? The Infancy Gospel of Thomas answered those questions. The writer of this text remains unknown, but it was assigned to an early missionary named Thomas. For many modern Christians, the child Jesus is not what they expect; this is a portrait of what we would now deem a super-brat.

In the ancient world as well as the modern, people believed that great men must have had an unusual birth and childhood, where they showed early signs of being a prodigy. This was the case with the young Jesus. The text opens with Jesus playing in the mud (like all children). He fashioned the mud into birds which flew, but when Jesus played with the other boys on the street, he got mad and struck one dead. The parents came to Mary and Joseph with a plea to control their child, and so they tried to find him a tutor, but of course, Jesus was smarter than all of them.

One day a neighbor boy fell off a roof and died. Everyone blamed Jesus, so he then resurrected the boy from the dead (a preview of his later activity as an adult). This text does have a happy ending; Jesus went back and resurrected the first boy he struck down. The overall purpose of the text is to show the young Jesus (who has great power) learning eventually to control his gifts to be used for the salvation of humankind only and not his own interests.

Continue reading...

[balkanradfem]

Do you ever think about how sad and messed up it is to grow up in this world as a little girl who likes to read. Because you are a child, and you don't get that there's a difference in who writes the books, you read everything you like, you read the adventures and the fantasy and the mysteries and the traumatic stuff and if you're also very isolated and lonely, these books build your worldview. Because why wouldn't they? They're written by humans, so they have the attitudes, opinions, perceptions, morals and spirits of human beings in them, they're telling you what humans think and feel about things, how they go about situations, what they imagine, what they desire. What your role in all this is, or what it could potentially be.

But, since you are not capable of differentiating the material, and you just read what is available to you, you end up reading a lot of books written by m*n. You also have to go thru the required reading at school - 90% written by m*n. And so slowly, since young age, without even socializing or learning it thru interaction, you find yourself in a world shaped by minds who do not have empathy for women, especially not for little girls. You find yourself relating to the male protagonists, but you also find out that girls only play a passive role in their stories. You find that m*n problems are centered, made important, their suffering and violence critical points in the story, while women are cast aside as helpers, servants, givers, caretakers, and generally just exist in the background, not a thought given to what they are going thru.

You learn thru books written by m*n, that your experience is secondary. Even if you cast yourself as the adventuring, immensely important and struggling protagonist, even then the other women in your mind end up being just background characters, caregivers who do not need a thought spared for their suffering.

Books written by m*n, even for children, will trivialize female suffering to the point where they shape the child's mind into one that looks at the world from a male perspective. Where women either don't matter, or are capable only of giving and aiding, to be cast aside for more important matters, such as male aspirations for their own lives.

Thinking back, I understand why I felt myself unimportant and trivial in any social setting - I understood my role from the written word, and I knew adults found me trivial, secondary, only a background figure to someone else's adventure or mission. As much as I could fight it in my fantasies, and make myself the main character, it felt like a pipe dream, like something that was incredible self-indulged and selfish and would never translate to reality.

I wish it had been different. I wish I had been introduced specifically and only to books written by women, for women. I wish I had found empathy for myself in those books. I wish I had found myself standing on high ground, equal ground, with other women, our desires centered, our lives translated into tales of epic importance - because that's what they are. I wish I had been born into a world where female perspective is available from the start, not after years of growing up and finding feminist literature and having to re-write my own role in my brain, from all of those years of reading male perspective as the default.

I don't think any little girl should be exposed to literature that shape her world as a place where she doesn't matter. I don't think books written by males and shaped by their worldview should be allowed into children's literature, or teenage or for young adults. Girls should not be learning from fiction that their most important value is empathy and understanding for male problems, and their second, to be desired and/or helpful to them, all while being treated as nothing but service and background noise until you're desired for something. We need to open books and find out that we matter too. That our lives can be the center of our existence, rather than being in the service of someone else's life.

[cripplecharacters]

Feel free not to answer this question as it's more a research-type question, I'm just not sure how to go about finding what I need: do you happen to know any fiction books with portrayals of medium to high support autistic people that are considered realistic and positive? All I can find is rep of low support autistic ppl (unless it's in semi-educational children's books) and it's making it harder to figure out how to write medium to high support autistic ppl myself.

Hello!

When I was diagnosed, it was before the levels were used (Or at least before they were used where I lived). I suspect that I would be considered 'level one autistic' today but would likely have been 'level two', bridging into 'level three' as a child. This is all just to explain my perspective with this.

That being said, here are some of my recommendations:

A Step Toward Falling by Cammie McGovern

I just finished this book earlier today and while it isn't specifically about autistic characters, it does feature several autistic characters with high support needs as well as other disabled characters. The book is written from the perspective of two characters, one of which is developmentally disabled (Belinda). Although her disability is never specified, I do see a lot of autistic traits in Belinda. The premise of this book is a bit heavy. It's about two characters (Who are not disabled) who end up volunteering at a centre for adults with developmental disabilities. One of the things I appreciated about this book was how well rounded the characters are. Each of them has their own stories, interests, and ideas. I also like how it discussed sex and relationships in the context of people with developmental disabilities. Something to note is that this does have some sensitive topics such as ableism, sexual assault, and bullying. It is also written by a parent of an autistic child but, as far as I'm aware, the author herself is abled. I did have some conflicted feelings about specific parts of it but I'll leave that for you to make your own decisions about. Target Audience: Young Adult

How to Speak Dolphin by Ginny Rorby

I also read this book recently and I personally really disliked it. There were several scenes that made me feel very gross and I found that the autistic character was dehumanized very often. One line that stuck with me was another character about a blind character, essentially saying, "I thought she was going to drown herself. If I was blind, that's what I would do." Although the character does get to know the blind character and changes her mind, it really felt awful to read and seemed so unnecessary -- especially given the target audience. The way it talks about blindness in general bugs me. That being said, I have seen several autistic people recommending the book (Which was why I read it in the first place) so I'll include it here anyways since my opinion seems to be in the minority around this book. Target Audience: Elementary/Middle Schoolers This is a brief review from another autistic person. [Link]

Planet Earth is Blue by Nicole Panteleakos

This book centers around Nova, a young autistic girl with high support needs. Nova is a foster child who is missing her older sister and the story is told through a mix of narrative, letters to Nova's sister, and flashbacks. It's been a while since I've read this book but I remember really enjoying it (And maybe crying a little bit too). The author is autistic herself and also consulted many other autistic people with a variety of experiences, which I appreciated. Target Audience: Middle Schoolers This is a more in-depth review on the book from a reader who (I believe) is also autistic. [Link]

These are also a couple books that I've seen recommended but can't personally recommend as I haven't read them myself yet:

Real by Carol Cujec

Remember Dippy by Shirley Reva Vernick

I know it's not very much but hopefully it's enough to get you started! If anyone has any recommendations for anon, feel free to mention them in the notes.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[punkeropercyjackson]

We've lost the plot when it comes to Percy Jackson.He's the personification of abused neurodivergent kids who got to grow up to live happy adult lives and to defy stereotypes.There's no ambiguity or alternative interpretations because that's what his author has always said he intended him as.When i say 'defy stereotypes',i'm also not limiting it to mental disabilities but GENDER too seeing as his plot in The Titan's Curse was proving himself as different from traditional men to Zoe and is said to be unlike other male characters countless times even in looks by a significant amount of the rest of the cast.Not to mention he's accidentally written as way more afrolatino-coded,specifically monoracial and darkskin,than white-coded considering all the straightup profiling he gets in the mortal world as a child and how many of his habits and traits are black and latino norms and tastes,including being from El Barrio and for the canon purists,Riordan has stated verbal approval of moc Percy

He was NEVER meant to be a normie,he was ALWAYS meant to be a minority and relatable to US,not white boylosers that let people bully them because they're self-proclaimed 'cringe but free' and pick me girls who flirt by being mean and treat woc like an entirely different species.And NEITHER of who challenge societal expectations or help out oppressed groups or try to fix the system or break cycles of abuse because they're too pissy to in any way that's not as aesthetic instead of a personality and a lifestyle.Percy.Jackson.Was.Never.For.You.He's a misfit because he's a minority since he's neurodivergent,poor and an abuse victim and he loves other minorities enough to be a bully beater nonstop no matter how many schools he got expelled out of

Hmm,would any of y'all have done that?I mean i've never been expelled but i DID stand up for other kids in addition to myself without a second thought all the way back to elementary school and i've shared a personality with Percy my whole life even besides that,including being afrolatino,bpdtistic and a trans femme and BECAUSE i'm all those things since Percy is also them.But if the books were about me,y'all never would've gotten into the series because the only weirdos to you are nerds,not the oppressed and you think we spit in the name of 'real' outcasts because we're 'too much'.Percy literally hates rich white people in-text and is implied to listen to The Ramones but when we say he means that shit and ain't just being quirky or tryna look cool,y'all forget yourselves and what happened in the books because that neo-liberalism in all the other books you read gave you brainrot and convinced you bookworms and fandomers are persecuted.Get better taste and social awareness,i'm not embarrased to be into super into children's media cause i have a life but i AM embarrased to have to share it with y'all.Especially those of y'all who think Luke was a radicalist instead of a fascist and insult greek people by using the bad parts of their history for your ships but never employ their actual culture

[huntermanor]

'Labyrinth' and how trauma makes us search for escapism

Welcome to 'Mikaela please log off' where i talk and overanalyze movies because i'm unemployed. In today's hell of a post, i'm going to talk about probably my favourite movie and one that has shaped me for my entire life: 1986 'Labyrinth', with musical numbers written and performed by none other than Miss David Bowie himself! SPOILERS AHEAD.

Now i've seen this movie more times than i've seen my own face in the mirror. It's a movie i enjoyed in my childhood and certainly one that has shaped me, with how the puppets have a certain uncanny feel to them almost and how crazy and whimsical the whole movie is. It trully is an amazing movie that can be enjoyed by children, but also by adults as well, with many of the movie's themes and meanings being hidden or something you find with experience or relate to later in life. Because the movie is a very clear reference to fairytales like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, is no surprise to know there are many, many different readings that can be done to it. The firts reading i made of the movie when i rewatched it as an adult was that the movie was a very clear allegory for growing up and maturing, having to leave behind your childhood but also keeping in mind your inner child so that you don't lose yourself in the labyrinth that is life.

While the allegory reading is correct, and i think it's one of the meanings behind the movie and certainly the most obvious theme, it's definetly not the only one. One thing kept me wondering after watching the movie this time: Why is the phrase 'You have no power over me' so important? It's used in the beginning of the film, with Sarah forgetting this line in her book, and by the end, when she's facing Jareth, Sarah remembers the phrase by herself, clearly showing us as viewers the inner power Sarah has over her life. It's obvious this line is meant to represent Sarah's ambition and power, but why is it this phrase? Whi is it You have no power over me and not something else like 'My power lies within me' which could tie to the end of the film, with Bowie's Within you playing? Well, after rewatching it recently, i figured it out: Sarah isn't just talking to Jareth, she's talking to her stepmother.

At the beginning of the film Sarah seems to be, on the surface, a spoiled 15 year old girl who doesn't want to do her chores and just wants to play around, not even wanting to date, something her stepmom wants her to do. Her stepmother wants her to mature and grow, to find love, etc. And Sarah and her obviously do not get along a lot. Two important details appear when Sarah goes back to her room at the beginning after fighting with her stepmother over having to take care of her little brother: her stepmother talks to her dad, telling him 'She treats me like the wicked stepmother of a fairytale', and when Sarah goes to talk to her to her room, he doesn't even bother to open the door or make sure she's okay after the fight. To some people these details seem just normal parent behaviour, but it was very clear to me after the film that Sarah is being emotionally neglected by her father, and possibly made by her stepmother to grow up to fast. Sarah is fifteen and an older sister, and unfortunately is common for older sisters to act as parents for their siblings while also not being taken care of themselves. We see Sarah clinging to her childhood as an escapism from the fact she feels completely neglected, since her dad won't even open the door to talk to her.

When Sarah tells Toby her fairytale, it's a clear depiction of how she feels like: There once was a princess who was basically a slave to her stepmother and she was forced to take her of her baby brother. Sarah takes her rage out on her brother and sends him away with the goblins, and inmediatly regrets it. She's repeating patterns of abuse. She's realizing sending her brother away is the submitting him to the same neglectful behaviour she has struggled with. So she makes a deal with Jareth to get him back.

Jareth poses an interesting character in Sarah's healing journey from her trauma. He's in love with her, in very possessive, clingy way that makes him do anything she asks him too to try to manipulate her to love him, which doesn't work on her, because she's probably used to it. The fact Sarah has a lot of toys and costumes, which makes us feel like she's spoiled, while being simultaneously emotionally neglected, is a very common way a manipulator convinces the victim there's no reason to feel that way. So seeing as she's used to being gifted things, being given 'her dreams', instead of actual emotional support and availability, Sarah is basically inmune to Jareth's advances. This could be read as Sarah's first experience with love outside of her family life, which is also a common thing in the experiences of older sisters: they date men who aren't good for them, repeating the patterns they're used to and being once again emotionally hurt. By the end of the movie, after meeting new friends Sarah loves deeply and grows to appreciate, and by being shown there are people who do care about her and who do love her and respect her, Sarah is able to fight Jareth alone, because she might be phisically alone, but she knows her friends have her back always. The found family trope is used here even until the end when we think Sarah has grown and the people she met in the Labyrinth are gone, and Sarah tells Jareth he has no power over her because she finally has healed, and she knows she deserves better.

By the end, Sarah has matured and learned, not just about herself, but about love and relationships of all kinds. She gives Toby her plushie as a way of showing she doesn't need to desperately cling to her childhood anymore, because she now has people in her life who care about her for real, and also she tucks him in as a way to show she's going to break the cycle, and show him finally the emotional support she didn't get from her parents. She keeps many things in her room, but puts others away, and when her friends from the Labyrinth appear to tell her they'll be there if she needs them, they don't simply say this and go away, but she makes them stay. 'I need you', she tells them, because even if she's healed, her life might still be filled with the remnants of her trauma, and an escapism might be needed. But most importantly, 'I need you', because they're her friends, her found family, the people who have shown her what she deserves in her life.

The movie definetly shows us the many highs and lows in life, particularely in adolescence, and how the journey to being mature can be difficult. But these subtle themes of emotional neglect, trauma, and the struggles of a young girl forced to grow up a little too soon trully give the movie another layer of depth that maybe not everyone might see, but some of us, specially those of us who relate to these struggles, do see and aknowledge, reminding us that we're not alone and that we deserve better, for our trauma has no power over us.

[pessimisticpigeonsworld]

Aemma Arryn: the Real Victim

I'm back on my soapbox about book vs show characterization, this time about Aemma Arryn. Aemma is obviously a tragic character, her mother died soon after she was born, she had many miscarriages with only one child surviving infancy, and she ultimately was killed to try to save her son who died anyway. However, the show tried again and again to romanticize her and her relationship with Viserys and trying to make it seem like she got a better deal in life than fucking Alicent (yes it all circles back to her, how she was written is my villain origin story, I fucking swear).

The show decides to either gloss over or completely remove the fact that Aemma was herself a child bride. She was thirteen when she was forced to marry Viserys (16) and was immediately forced to start having kids. This is a plot point they decided to instead give to Alicent (because of fucking course they did). Not only that, but they aged both her and Viserys up so, when she dies, Aemma looks to be around her 30s rather than the 23 she is in the book.

Another thing the show swapped between Aemma and Alicent is who Viserys "loved most". In the show, Viserys pines after Aemma for the rest of his life, even calling Alicent Aemma in episode 7. However, in the books, Viserys and Aemma are an arranged marriage by Queen Alysanne. And while he obviously loves Rhaenyra, his relationship with Aemma is kept vague. But after her death, he chooses not only to remarry (which was unnecessary since he had named Rhaenyra as his heir). Not only that but he chooses a woman (because yes Alicent was an adult by our standards when she married him) who gives no political gain and in doing so spurns many much more powerful houses (like the Velaryons). The book literally says he married her for love, Alicent not Aemma. But in the show, Viserys clearly loved Aemma more, which fed into his favoritism of Rhaenyra (which I'm not denying, but in the books there is no evidence that Viserys was as absent as they paint him to be in the show). Not only that, they take her story and make it into a sick romance while the true victimization is given almost completely to Alicent.

Now I'd like to touch on Aemma's views on honor and duty. She tells Rhaenyra in episode 1 that the birthing bed is their battlefield, a line which mirrors Alysanne and Daela's conversation before Aemma's birth (a decision by the Condal & Hess I actually like lol). She has given her all her teenage years and eventually her fucking life to fulfill her duties as a wife, desperately trying to give Viserys a male heir. Her entire life is full of the consequences of the patriarchy and the dehumanization of women. From her mother's death to Rhaenys being passed over as heir to Aemma's own death even to Rhaenyra being usurped.

Aemma embodies everything Alicent stans claim to defend and everything they make Alicent out to be. She is a child bride, she gave up her teenage years for giving birth to/raising children, she has almost no agency, and her daughter shares in her suffering. Alicent (in the books) has none of these things, except for the fact that Helaena is suffering, but that is something Alicent fucking orchestrated. Basically, if Alicent's stans actually believed what they claimed, they'd love Aemma not Alicent. Thanks for reading, long live Queen Rhaenyra and Team Black.

[fandomforg]

So, Your Child is Force Sensitive:

it’s a book written during the prequel era by some mommy blogger on a random planet. she’s got a set of force sensitive twin boys and she compiled her blog posts into a book all about raising force sensitives and choosing not to give them to the jedi temple.

the book is not super well known, it only ever sold maybe a few hundred copies, but it’s honestly really detailed. this lady did her research, but still is able to give her outside perspectives as a force null. she talks all about being pregnant with force sensitives, the babies special needs as empaths, the choice to raise them herself, interactions between force sensitives being raised together, the developmental checkpoints that are different from force nulls, and even how to deal with your moody and powerful force sensitive teens.

the book also talks a bit about jedi ideology and family structures (to help parents make the decision of whether to give the kid to the jedi or not) (it took her so long and so many space emails to the jedi to do that research)

the jedi themselves, however, are not too big of fans of this book because they think it’s probably for the best for force sensitive kids to be raised in the temple (and in some ways it is), but this mommy blogger advocates that with the right, caring parents and the right knowledge, force sensitive kids can do just fine being raised at home (and she’s also kinda right)

anyway, the book stays unpopular all the way up until order 66. then the book gets super-duper banned with all the rest of the reputable information on force sensitive people and the jedi. the mommy blogger stops posting. her and her now adult children drop off the map. her small (but devoted) following has no idea if they’re ok or even alive, but they go to great lengths to erase all of her personal information off the holonet if they can.

the galaxy keeps turning, and the mommy blogger stays missing, but sometimes her book (the few copies not destroyed) will end up in the hands of people who need it. people like bail and breha organa, owen and beru lars, kanan jarrus and hera syndulla, and even eventually din djarin.

even luke skywalker gets himself a copy when he’s suddenly responsible for having his own little force school. (at one point, din is reading the chapter on letting go of your kids when they leave the nest, while luke is simultaneously reading the chapter on how to calm an inconsolable youngling)

a lot of the research into how the jedi work and their ideologies are actually way more accurate, relevant, and recent than any of luke’s other ancient jedi texts, so that’s how luke’s jedi order rebuilding efforts become mostly built on one chapter of a book written by a middle-aged, force null, mother of two.

this mommy blogger may have started her blog just to document her journey in raising her twins, but she ended up writing a book that would help raise a generation of force sensitive children who had no jedi temple to turn to. her honest care spread farther than she could have imagined.

still, nobody could find out where she and her twins went, even after the fall of the empire when it was safe.

[legend-as-old-as-time]

I keep thinking about how Bionicle as a story was written to sell toys for an aging-but-still-children/teenager fanbase and found another layer of hilarity about the Toa Metru's ages.

I can make a sensible argument that the Toa Metru can be read as young teenagers, because their books were aimed at that age bracket.

Of course, they're not literally teenagers. Characters are devices for the story. Characters don't have to be human or even physically resemble humans, as long as they resonate with the audience. So you get animals, gods, mythical beings in general, objects, plants, planets, or semi-organic semi-mechanical constructs with elemental powers plus more. That's not going even into other facets of storytelling related to characters.

Also, stories are often created with a specific audience to appeal to. The stories' characters experience situations that said audience is familiar / can resonate with / finds cool.

The books focusing on the Toa Mata are a power fantasy for children in the sense of make-believe games. You can be a super-powered hero, too! The Mata Nui Online Games are a different kind of power fantasy where the non-powered, outsider characters among the matoran come together as they are and show their heroic resolve. You are a child and you might be small and appear weird to others, which doesn't change that your actions matter, too!

The Toa Metru's adventures are darker in tone, events, characters, and setting. The Toa Metru become and stay outcasts during their time as toa. They are flung by authority (adults) into a responsibility they used to see as amazing but turns out is difficult and isolating in the place where they live. They both want to be independent and for somebody else to make decisions for them to ease the burden.

Ignorance of their previous circle as the best place gets shattered as they experience other places and their home from a different angle. The highest authority they used to look to for guidance brands them as criminals for something they didn't do, and this makes them pariahs in the perception of their former peers. They get transformed into monsters and feel like ones, when they were arguably treated as such already before as Toa Metru.

This is a story that would appeal to some groups of young teenagers, because they can relate with these experience and know the Toa Metru are the stories' heroes.

Back to this post's beginning:

Onewa still can be arguably the oldest of the Toa Metru. In this interpretation, he equals roughly a sixteen-years old who had to work several jobs to survive, dealt with a lot of shit, has comparatively more worldly knowledge to others of his age, and now thinks he's The Expert (TM) in how the world and every person works.

When he's never left his neighborhood before because it was discouraged, and doesn't realize that

"No, things work very differently in other places. And bad things happen there, too." - And

"You might have gotten a good reading of your fellow teenager, but you're not even considering what kind of shit they went through."

He has his reasons for how he acts. It doesn't make his behavior okay, but it does explain it.

[severus-snaps]

so I’ve been rereading the books to get the tiny snippets of Snape that don't often get brought up

but so far I’ve only read up to Harry meeting Ron on the Hogwarts Express. Although Snape has yet to be introduced I keep thinking about how similar Snape and Harry were in a lot of ways - and how different - even at the early stages. 

so this is a mostly snape-centric ramble about Harry and Sev's similarities and differences, and what they might have meant for a young Sev during his time as a child, his family, his trip to Diagon Alley, his scene on the Hogwarts Express, and what all of that might mean for his experience of being in Slytherin in his early years

Pre Hogwarts

This started as a ramble, but I’ve decided to organise it slightly - this is difficult as Harry and Snape have slightly different circumstances that are similar in some ways but different in others, so I’ve just gone back to basics for each section here

Similarities

Both are young wizards about to go to Hogwarts 

Both come from unhappy homes

Both cannot wait to go to Hogwarts/escape their ‘family home’

Both have displayed unintentional magic as children

Both as children are in ill-fitting clothes, have poor haircuts (even if Harry's grows back; Sev’s apparently does not), and are scrawny and/or small. Sev is described as looking at odds with James ("conspicuously lacked" looking well-cared-for and adored, which I suspect would also apply to Harry, if the series wasn't half in Harry's POV). 

Depending on whether you take the mistreatment and neglect literally from PS or in a more Roald Dahl-eque way in which I suspect it was initially written, Harry did not have a happy home life until this point, and neither did Snape (a witch ‘cowering’ from a Muggle and Sev’s jacket despite the heat and the Pottermore article suggest and/or state physical abuse in addition to neglect)

As far as we’re aware, Snape is not used as a servant/slave within his own home

Differences

One of the main ways Harry and Sev differ would obviously be magical knowledge; Sev knows he is a wizard, knows a lot about the wizarding world - but Harry does not

Snape is not orphaned; he has both parents (for better or for worse), where Harry has none, unless you count the Dursleys

Both Harry and Sev are obviously neglected, but Harry is neglected intentionally

Harry is intentionally excluded, neglected and ignored - but Sev’s neglect seems less intentional and more… ‘the way of things’

Sev's family are so poor and/or neglectful that Sev doesn't have his own clothes (context clues like living in a dilapidated, small house in an old industrial area suggest they just don't have the option)

Sev’s family either has no inclination or ability to amend Tobias' clothes instead of Eileen's, and/or don’t have any family friends to borrow/take hand-me-down clothes from; they are his parents’ clothes. Harry is ‘fortunate’ in that he has Dudley to take clothes from. The obvious outcome being here that otherwise he’d be wearing Vernon’s old coat and Petunia’s blouse)

Harry is raised in a middle-class home with a reasonable enough income. He gets pocket money (probably paltry and inconsistent: “The Dursleys haven’t given me pocket money for about six years”, CoS) can sneak out and eat at night, get cake (however gross) from his neighbour as she tells him about her cats. He eats with the Dursleys, plays with Dudley's toys if he's left alone, and gets gifts (even if they are pathetic). Harry’s neglect is wilful - and malicious

I get the idea that the Snape family are so poor and so unhappy that their neglect isn't even intentional, it's just how their lives are. they're steeped in it, living in a dilapidated area, poor, in an unhappy and volatile marriage

Sev is described, even as an adult, as being skinny - so maybe that's just how he's wired - but maybe (almost certainly given the other context clues and the era) he's also underfed as a kid

If we reach into parallels with the other 'abandoned boy' (voldemort), sev's mum was possibly similar to merope gaunt - unhappy, and either unwilling or unable to use magic to defend herself or sev against tobias (this conjecture is all from hazy memory; obviously i haven't read that far yet).

Overall ideas:

Neither Sev nor Harry have warm family figures. Far from Molly's checking that her gaggle are in order on platform 9 3/4 the Dursleys leave Harry there alone - and Eileen doesn't seem that bothered when Sev is about to leave (nor does he seem that bothered that he's about to leave her - he's more interested in Lily). But Snape’s lack of familial closeness seems a consequence of their situation, rather than an intentional choice, as it was with the Dursleys and Harry.

Sev (unlike Harry) doesn't really know 'how the other half live' - as far as we can tell, he has no access to the average family dynamic of the Dursleys (and they do seem happy with one another, they love Dudley, and would be living their 'ordinary' dream life if Harry wasn't there to complicate it). To add to that, I get the idea that Sev genuinely doesn't really understand why Lily likes (or loves) Petunia; he has no concept of why a family member’s opinion might count. There's not much love to lose in his family, and like Harry, he can’t wait to leave - there’s nothing holding him back. 

Unlike Harry who doesn’t know anything yet, Snape knows he's a wizard and has known all his life. He knows a lot about the wizarding world, either from his mother or her books; he tells Lily about it. Sev loves (as Harry comes to love) magic, and what it represents: escape, freedom, control over his life - and a certain amount of positive attention and interest from Lily which he is so clearly lacking elsewhere. 

But (sort of like Harry), his house at Spinner's End doesn't seem like the sort of place where magic was used like The Burrow, for example, or Malfoy Manor where Draco already flies ("doesn't your dad like magic?"; he’s alone in his room shooting down flies). It’s also not apparently used for defence/retaliation by his mother, if the shouting scene with Sev's father is any indication.

But (un)intentionally, depending on how you interpret Sev's actions with Petunia and the branch, Sev has displayed magic when he was angry or afraid, much like most magical children - and much like Harry.

Harry's examples are ‘sweeter’ at that age, on the whole: he shrinks an ugly jumper, grows his hair back, and jumps/flies on a roof, and removes glass from a snake enclosure in a comical scene. Sev drops a branch on someone, and they are genuinely upset and leave. (Some of this might be to do with the lighter tone of the earlier books as well).

Seeing as Petunia was fine enough to run away after the event and Lily stays friends with him, it can't have been an enormous branch. Sev seems guilty, so I'm certain that whilst he did want to retaliate (and for something to happen to Petunia), I'm not certain that he actually intended it to (or perhaps he did; I wouldn't blame him. I also really enjoy the idea that he's in control of his magic enough to cause it on purpose; I get the idea he's quite powerful, because of his learning to fly unsupported later in his life, which is no mean feat by this universe's rules, and his skills in wandless magic like Legi/Occlumency, spell creation, etc). [side note: that then opens up a can of worms for me bc how powerful is Lily if she can float/fly at nine, Harry can either Apparate or float/fly in primary school, at presumably a similar age - but those were accidental, brief 'flights' I suppose compared to Voldemort and Snape showing sustained flight during the battle of seven potters and jumping out of a Hogwarts window and flying away - but i digress).

So, while Harry’s no doormat, Severus is possibly more spiteful and reactive at that age; he's defiant when he drops a branch on Petunia, he's shooting down flies when he gets his wand, he's making disparaging noises to James, he's accusing Petunia of spying, and all of the other things people say to suggest he's always been a terrible person. I think, given the glimpses into a stressful, poverty-stricken and loveless home, possibly also abusive, that's essentially all he knows when threatened. Harry seems overwhelmingly polite to Hagrid in early PS - but then Hagrid has always been kind and almost reverential, which in turn would affect how a person responds. We mainly see Sev respond to Petunia in a similar context, and he’s nice enough to Lily, if a bit awkward and lacking in Harry’s politeness. 

I can see Sev, with his more ‘prickly’ upbringing, being more like Tom here in the same situation of not knowing he was a wizard - and acting more like ‘I knew I was special’ than ‘no, sorry, you’ve got the wrong guy’. But again, that might be because of the intersection of his personality and his upbringing - Harry, too, was defiant and neglected, though I get the feeling Sev’s general situation was more violent somehow, so it could’ve gone either way.

Diagon Alley

The next place where Harry and Sev's differences would be readily apparent would be in Diagon Alley. This is less about their similarities vs differences and more of a series of general rambles and speculation. 

Would Snape have even gone to Diagon? By which I mean, would he wear his mother's old robes to school, or get new ones? Did he have her old books? Would she have saved them for 11+ years? (books, maybe; robes, possibly not).

Assuming Sev went to Diagon, as all/most young Wizards do, I imagine that despite Sev knowing about magical culture he's rarely actually seen it in action because of my point above about his father not liking magic/anything much and his mother not using magic to defend herself - so he’s definitely not seen it on that scale. He'd be every bit as blown away as Harry was by the wonders of Diagon Alley, the shops, the brooms, the pets, the books - because his dream is finally coming true! He's on his way to Hogwarts!  

…Until it came to the buying. Young Sev has no vault overflowing with gold. He has no option to realistically contemplate buying a solid gold cauldron like Harry does, even if he might like to. He probably doesn't get a pet as a lovely going away (or in Harry's case, birthday) gift from a parental figure, and there’s no mention of a pet when Sev’s on Platform 9 ¾. Eileen would have had to save, or keep some money back/hidden, for all of that, given the state of his home and Muggle clothes.

tangent: by the time they reach the train, and even in diagon itself, sev is more of a ron than a harry. but how poor is the weasley family really if they always get plenty to eat and a lovely large home and all of their school supplies and brooms at home for so many kids on a single income, even if most stuff is secondhand? maybe i'm just biased bc I grew up poor and it was just me and mum and stuff Just Was secondhand, it's not the end of the world even if ron's embarrassed by it.

it's suggested in later books that ron's never (or rarely) owned a galleon. seven galleons then (assuming the prices are similar in sev's generation) seems a lot then for a wand; 9 galleons for a new book (advanced potion making apparently cost that, HBP); possibly it was eileen's own old book, and I know the curriculum doesn't change much if harry's still using it and the book was printed in the 50s, but in CoS, with lockhart's book(s), and the weasleys talking, suggest they'd have to have bought at least a few new books each year, so we can assume sev would need to do the same and otherwise he’d be borrowing old books. not to mention the potions ingredients, the robes, etc. I assume Sev got his own wand but what if he used his mother's old one (especially if she didn’t use it much - which would be nice/interesting, as another parallel where he takes predominantly after/aligns more strongly with his mother/female figures which was discussed in several other metas).

The other thing that struck me was that Harry wanted to buy a book of curses and jinxes (Curses and Counter-Curses: Bewitch your friends and befuddle your enemies!) for use on Dudley, but Hagrid dissuaded him - much like how Sev was described as knowing "more curses when he arrived at school than half the kids in seventh year" and maybe might want to curse his father and/or Petunia, but certainly learnt to curse the Marauders at a later stage.

The scene with Draco and Harry at Madam Malkin’s was also interesting to me when drawing conclusions for Sev. When comparing Harry’s experience on the Hogwarts Express to the robe shop, I’m curious how it would’ve differed or been the same. 

At Madam Malkin’s, Draco sees what he would’ve seen in Sev: a boy, small for his age, in hand-me-downs, with possibly weird hair - and Draco attempts to chat with him. 

Draco here, to an extent, represents any Malfoy (as we know, Lucius befriended Sev), and indeed any Pureblood, in the same situation - a boy raised in a wealthy magical family, with all of the experience of magic and privilege that comes with it. He wants a racing broom, he’s practically bored of magic, none of this is special. But it is special to Harry, and it’s special to Sev; it’s their lifeline and their escape. I’m not sure how much Sev would’ve appreciated or wanted to emulate that bored, over it attitude; on the one hand ‘no foolish wand-waving’ indicates that to an extent he’s not impressed with showy magic for the sake of it, on the other, he’s the Half Blood Prince. He’s done plenty of foolish wand-waving in his time, and finds it fascinating. 

Back to the conversation with Draco. Like Harry, Sev would not have played Quidditch (he can’t fly intuitively in the brief memory we see, being more akin to someone like Hermione or Neville in that regard); he would likely not have a broom already. He’s critical of ‘big Quidditch heroes’ - or is he jealous? He certainly enjoys Quidditch enough to have a rivalry with McGonagall, and that might be another part to why he ended up disliking James - maybe he really was jealous of James’ skill on the Quidditch pitch.

Then, Draco discusses houses. Here there’d be a slight difference between Sev and Harry - Harry has no idea, really, what house he’d be in - he doesn’t even know what the houses are. But Sev wants to be a Slytherin, he knows that already. Possibly because his mother was, furthering their similarities/alignment? It does seem to generally run in families, what with James “Gryffindor like my dad” Potter, Sirius “my whole family have been in Slytherin but maybe I’ll break the tradition” Black, and Draco “I know I’ll be in Slytherin because all of my family have been” Malfoy and, of course, the whole host of Weasleys). 

So, wanting to be in Slytherin would be a point in Sev’s favour, as far as the Malfoys were concerned, and wanting it (and possibly having a family member already in Slytherin) would be useful in that context, too, obviously.

But how would Sev react at this point to Draco’s personality? Harry is reminded of Dudley, and I’m not sure we have enough evidence to say whether Sev had someone similar in his life who bullied him (what his father did I would argue went far beyond bullying, and would be a much different dynamic). But Petunia would possibly have acted as a stand-in here, either as herself, or as a representation of the other Muggles in the area who knew ‘that Snape’ family from the poor address, for the reason of why Sev was otherwise friendless. I don’t think it’s a leap to imagine that Sev was unpopular with the other local kids.

Draco goes on to ask Harry whether his parents were “our kind” - to which Sev has a more ‘undesirable’ answer than Harry, because one of his parents was a Muggle. Draco talks of servants, and Sev probably wouldn’t have the same irritable reaction to that, as we don’t see any implication that he was treated in that way by his parents, unlike Harry. But also unlike Harry, Snape would be there with his witch mother (and not a “savage”), and knew about Hogwarts already. Unlike Harry, Snape might have been considered by Draco/the Malfoys/Purebloods as “the other sort” - the child of non-magical people. Draco asks for Harry’s surname, presumably to check whether he was of suitable stock (which Snape, with a Muggle surname, wouldn’t be).

Perhaps Sev would’ve similarly hated the snotty, biased, spoilt brat attitude.

Or perhaps, in this situation, he’d aspire to be like the Malfoys - to become the snotty, spoilt type. To be the bully, instead of the victim. Sev did eventually befriend the Malfoys, after all - but how much of that was an immediate friendship (unlikely, at that point, as Malfoy was older and what ~16yo wants to regularly hang out with an 11yo). We see that he’s possibly headed that way by 5th/6th year by aligning with Mulciber and Avery, but that was a new enough development that Lily commented on it at that point - but at this early stage, it’s made clear that Sev is ‘the victim’ of the bully, or the underdog, like Harry - and someone like Draco probably wouldn’t have thought much of him. (James and Sirius certainly didn’t, though not for these same exact reasons).

The Hogwarts Express

And finally, on the train. Harry has experienced celebrity in glimpses by now, at the Leaky Cauldron and at Ollivander’s - but it’s on the train and the platform where everyone from the Weasleys to Draco wants to gawk and/or befriend him.

I’ve said already that by the time they reach the train, and even in Diagon itself, Sev is more of a Ron than a Harry. Harry knows what it is to have hand-me-downs and not be able to afford anything, but that’s Sev’s continued existence unless his family suddenly won the lottery. And whilst Harry bought a heap of sweets and got a delightful new friend in Ron, Sev and Lily were (as discussed above) compelled to leave his cabin because of James and Sirius… just as Harry was interrupted by Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle. But it’s James who overhears Sev and interrupts and then says, practically word-for-word, what Draco does in Madam Malkins’ (James’ “Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?” vs Draco’s “Imagine being in Hufflepuff, I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?”). Now, Sev does this too, to an extent, making a small disparaging noise at James too for wanting to be in Gryffindor like his dad (to me, another hint that Sev wants to be in Slytherin because of his mum). But that was after James had already interrupted Sev’s conversation with Lily; otherwise, Sev was content to keep to himself.

And Draco is hounding Harry for opposite reasons. Draco is attempting to ‘befriend’ Harry. Harry is a ‘desirable’ connection - he’s rich, famous, of a good wizarding name, and if adult Snape’s speech to Bellatrix is any indication, possibly considered a ‘powerful dark wizard’ around which Voldemort’s followers could rally. He’s ‘got it all’. By comparison, Snape is undesirable - he has all of Harry’s social setbacks - he looks poor, he is poor, he’s raised by Muggles and has immediate Muggle heritage, he probably wasn’t raised with extensive/overly frequent magic use, and is a bit weird looking in general - and he has none of Harry’s desirable traits like a good name, reputation, money, family, or connections. “Prince” is not a famous name by the time Harry is in school, and given wizard lifespans, they probably weren’t a big name a generation ago, either. All Sev has is knowledge of the wizarding world, which might fool or impress someone like Draco for a bit. But it’s implied that Draco believes there’s a fundamental difference in how Muggleborns/those with Muggle families are raised compared to ‘true’ wizarding families (and there really is). But Sev was raised in a Muggle area, likely not using magic or being an active part of the culture since he’s so starved for someone magical to talk to - and he’s shortly going to be in a wizarding school, where Sev’s second hand knowledge (from his mother) essentially becomes inconsequential anyway.

All in all, Draco simply wouldn’t bother, if this were a different universe. And Lucius (and others in Slytherin) probably asked all of the necessary vetting questions that Malfoy did over the course of the time in the robe shop and on the train, and reached the same conclusion: Snape wasn’t worth their time. That is, until he proved himself an adept wizard, some time later in school. (To be clear if I haven’t already: Draco is just a stand-in in this ramble for general Pureblood/Slytherin beliefs, asking the sorts of questions and acting in ways that reflect those values).

What that all means is that Snape continued to face the everyday challenges that were essentially eliminated from Harry’s life once he reached Hogwarts; challenges which would’ve had greater impact in a house like Slytherin which has a reputation for blood purity and wizarding supremacy, and many people in it who hail from rich, well-connected Pureblood families who probably are all, one way or another, related by blood or marriage anyway. Lucius was a Prefect by the time Sev got to Hogwarts, and I think Draco became one, and those sorts of attitudes were shared by Draco’s Slytherin peers and not outliers. 

Some more conjecture now: I think it’s safe to say that instead of the jocular vibe of the Gryffindor common room, an unofficial but unquestioned hierarchy would inevitably develop in Slytherin and its members would be expected to fall in line. Much like how Crabbe and Goyle followed Draco, and Pansy and Blaise etc followed Draco’s lead, I expect most of Sev’s peers would be expected to fall in line under Lucius and later authority figures as well - to keep the peace in their fancy aristocratic families, to keep the peace in their dorms, and in the real world, with a war going on and Voldemort practically recruiting from the Slytherin common room. It would’ve benefitted Sev to keep his head down in these conditions, to join in, to butter up - because unlike Harry, Sev would’ve had to work hard to make friends (being generally awkward and ‘undesirable’ as a friend by Draco/Slytherin standards). Nobody from Slytherin came to his aid in SWM, possibly because of those reasons and/or because he’d spent years being openly friends with Lily who was a Gryffindor and a Muggleborn (and thus also undesirable).

Anyway none of this is news and I have no conclusion, I just had thoughts 

[leonardalphachurch]

GOOGLE SEARCH: HOW TO TALK TO OTHER DADS REDDIT

Lavernius Tucker and Oliver "North" Dakota are two single fathers forced to brave their most difficult challenge as a dad yet: making small talk with other parents. Not many survive this harrowing ordeal, but the bonds forged through this traumatic experience create lifelong friendships. Or, perhaps, even something more...?

A modern single dads Tucker/North AU written for @rvbrarepairweekdos Day 3: AUs. Warnings for discussions of sex/masturbation, but no actual sexual content.

I don't know why I wrote this, either. I don't even ship this. I suppose the wheel compelled me...

Also avaliable to read on Ao3.

***

“Sooo, uh, what do you… do with your time?"

“Oh, I’m a pediatric dentist.”

“No, I know that, I meant, uh,” This sucked. Tucker had zero things in common with these parents at this School for Gifted Children that had scouted Junior earlier this year. Most of them barely gave him the time of day, but this guy, Oliver Dakota, was insistent on staying the entire time his kid was hung out with Junior. After multiple false starts, Tucker shamefully ducked away for a second to look up ‘HOW TO TALK TO OTHER DADS REDDIT’ and found, “I meant, what do you do with your free time?”

“Oh,” North smiled warmly at the other man, then looked back to the door to Junior’s room. Left open a crack— he would have preferred it to be open all the way, but Lavernius had insisted the kids be given privacy. He seemed like a genuine and nice man, if a little awkward. North appreciated him and Theta being allowed into his home. Still, he wasn’t that interested in talking; compromising on the door meant he needed to keep a closer ear out for if Theta needed him. “I don’t really have much free time. With a kid and work, it’s like two full time jobs. But it’s all worth it for Theta.”

“Right.” God, this guy was giving Tucker nothing. Every single topic went back to Theta. And Tucker loved his kid, but being a single dad meant so much of his life was already dedicated to him. If he was talking to another adult he at least wanted to talk about something adult for once. “You gotta do something with your time, though. You into sports?”

“Haven’t really kept up with any lately. Theta was on the soccer team when they were younger, but we’ve decided to focus on academics in middle school.”

“Okay… Watched any good TV lately?”

“I mostly just catch snippets of whatever cartoon Theta has on.”

“……..Do you play games?”

“Oh, Theta had me join them in playing a little farm game— what’s it called, star, starting… ‘Starting Farming?’ No, no, it’s definitely ‘star’… ‘Starry Farmy?’”

“Stardew Valley?”

“That’s it! Do you play it? It’s very cute.”

“Yeah, uh, not, really my type of game. What about stuff you do without your kid?”

“Ah,” That was kind of a strange question. Most conversations North had with other parents were all about their kids— mostly trying to constantly one up the other’s accomplishments. To ask about things that he did without Theta? Why did he even care about that? “Well, I read alone?"

“Awesome! What are you reading?” Tucker didn’t give a shit about books, but he would grasp onto literally anything this dude was offering.

“Mostly child psychology books. Though lately it’s been a lot YA novels. I try to read things Theta is interested before they do so we can have discussions about them. And to make sure there’s nothing too inappropriate for their age.”

Tucker was stunned. This guy could not be serious. Was everything about his kid? “Don’t you do things with your friends?”

“Ahh,” North’s smile got a little tighter. “We had to move away from my hometown a few years ago; the schools there weren’t great for Theta, and then they got accepted here…”

“You haven’t had friends for years?”

“I have friends.” North was taken aback. What kind of person asked something like that so bluntly?

“But you don’t spend time with them.”

“I… see them often enough. When I visit home. For the holidays.” North didn’t know why he felt so defensive over this.

“Do you…” Tucker hesitated, not wanting to overstep with a guy he barely knew but also fucking floored at what this dude’s life seemed to be, “do anything for yourself that isn’t about your kid?”

North balked. “Of course I do! And, the- this question is flawed. Taking care of Theta is something I do for myself.”

“You can’t just only live for your kid, dude. There’s shit you gotta do without them.”

North twitched a little at the swear word. “There’s nothing I want to do that I would need to exclude Theta from.”

“What about sex?”

“SHHHHH!!” North panickedly looked over at the door, “Lower your voice if you’re talking about that!” He half yelled, half whispered.

“Dude. Does your kid not know about sex yet??” Tucker asked, not lowering his voice even slightly.

“Of course Theta knows what sex is!” North said, still whispering. “Teaching age appropriate sex education is incredibly important to a child’s understanding of their own body and safety. Theta knows exactly what leading child psychologists recommended an 11 year old knowing.”

“Okay.” Jesus Christ. This dude needed help bad.

North frowned. He could feel the judgement coming from Lavernius. Other parents always thought they could butt into situations that didn’t concern them. “I do not need your input on how I take care of my child.”

“I don’t care about how you take care of your kid, man, I care about how you take care of your you.”

“What?” North had no idea what he meant by that.

“Have you had sex a single time since Theta was born?”

“What?!” Seriously, how could he just ask something like that?

“You know what, not even sex. When was the last time you jerked off? Please tell me you’ve had an orgasm in the past decade.”

“This- this is a highly inappropriate conversation to be having with our kids in the other room” North had no idea how they ended up here, but he desperately wanted to move on.

“Not even once?”

“I don’t want Theta to overhear this conversation.”

“They’re playing a game, they’re not gonna hear, trust me. Kids don’t listen to their parents talking even when you want them to, they don’t give a shit what adults say to each other.”

“Theta listens to me.”

“Uh huh.” They needed to move away from the topic of their kids. Tucker needed to help this man. “Listen to me, man. I need you to do something for me.”

“What?”

Tucker grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. Or at least, he tried to. God, this man was way too fucking tall. And actually looking into his eyes— Jesus, they were piercing. Tucker didn’t think this kind of blond hair blue-eyed motherfucker actually existed. Terrifying.

“Tonight, when you go home, once you do whatever weird nighttime ritual you do to put Theta to bed,” Oliver started to make a noise in disagreement but Tucker pushed past it, “I need you to go to your room. I need you to be alone. I need you to get comfortable. And I need you to jack off.”

North had no fucking idea how to respond to that.

“Trust me. I have a friend, his girlfriend died, right? And for like a year afterwards he was so fucking miserable. Until one day I was like, ‘You NEED to blow off some steam, if you know what I mean. Bow chicka bow wow.’ Next day he was like a new man.”

“I don’t. know.“ North thought there were probably some other reasons his friend may have been miserable, there.

“I know, you’ve been out of the game, you don’t know how to find good porn. I got you, I’ll send you some.”

“I wasn’t—“

“I got you.” Tucker was already pulling out his phone, thinking of some good beginner porn he could send Oli’s way. “What are you into? You seem kinda vanilla but sometimes vanilla looking chicks are into the weirdest shit, y’know?”

“That’s— I don’t— this isn’t— I’m. Gay.” That wasn’t really something North tended to share with other parents, but they were so far outside of the kinds of conversations he tended to have anyway, any normal ways to respond had completely left his brain.

“You’re—” Tucker looked him up and down. Huh. Maybe he should’ve been able to guess that. “Uh. That’s fine. I have gay shit I can send you.”

“You have gay shit.” Right. Okay. North was pretty sure he just swore for the first time in years. What the fuck was happening?

“Yeah, y’know, I’m… uh, it doesn’t matter what I am. But I can get whatever you want.”

“Okay.” Okay. North’s brain was starting to catch up to where they were. Was Lavernius… flirting with him? Was this what flirting was now? He was so lost.

He should probably set a boundary.

“I… do not want you to send me porn.”

“Okay,” Tucker said, putting his phone back in his pocket. “You got it handled yourself?”

“Yes, I,” North let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, “I can handle myself.”

“Good. ‘Cause the shit you were saying before was sad, man. I know we barely know each other but, c’mon, single dads gotta have each others backs, right?”

“Yeah, um. Thanks.”

“No problem.” Tucker smiled at him.

North liked his smile.

(continued in reblogs)

[impishtubist]

Imagine blaming children for being "weird" at the sight of their own sexualization made by freaks like you

Just die already

I love that you sent this to tumblr user impishtubist, who is notorious both for writing fics about teenagers and smutty fics 😂

Are you gonna cancel Judy Blume, too, Anon? Tamora Pierce? Madeline Miller? Tumblr girlies LOVE Song of Achilles, so I'm not sure you're ready to part with that one, but it DOES have sex scenes between teenagers.

Here's the thing. Teens get horny. Teens have sex. Teens LIKE sex. Of course stories about teenagers are going to involve sex, which is a normal and natural thing for them to want and to have (and yes, before you jump down my throat, there are teenagers who are not interested in romance/sex just like adults are, and that's fine as well). Anything you read, watch, listen to, etc that involves teenagers and sex was written by an adult. Because you know what? Adults used to be teenagers, too! They used to be horny teenagers who had sex! Anyone who is a writer is drawing on life experiences, including experiences they had as teenagers, and those experiences might have involved having sex.

It's not sexualizing teens to write about them having sex, whether it's in fanfic or books or elsewhere. No fanfic writer is thinking about an actual child as they're writing their fics. They're thinking about their own experiences at that age. In fact, teens aren't even our intended audience. Literally no one is out here writing fics going "oooooh I hope the teens like this one!" We're hoping that we can induce emotional devastation in our fellow grown-ups, not children. So, yeah, it is weird that you are getting weirded out by this, calm the fuck down. If you want to read sex that's ONLY written by teenagers...well, I don't know how you'd find that, but good luck.

"just die already" no 😘

[g0lightly]

it's so strange to remember that sansa stark and i were both 13 when ADWD was published... but she's still 13 and i'm very much not!

when i first watched game of thrones, i immediately formed an attachment to sansa because i was also 13 and the only girly girl in my rather close extended family. she was instantly one of the most relatable characters of all time to me. sophie turner is not quite two years older than me irl so even when the promotion from my family's tv provider cut off our access to hbo some time after i watched season 1, i always thought of sansa as a peer when she came up in the pop culture osmosis since, well, we were the same age.

i watched the last few episodes of game of thrones with my roommates as a 21-year-old about to graduate from college. what can i say? i didn't want to be left out of a cultural phenomenon! during sansa's coronation, i once again saw myself in her as i stepped into a new phase of life with more responsibility. i also felt proud of her, as if i'd actually watched her progress over the seasons i hadn't (at that point) seen.

five years later, i finally watched the show in full and decided to read the books because i was so dissatisfied with how sansa was written in the latter seasons and heard there was more depth to her characterization in the books. i happened to find the books when i was dealing with the fact that being a (relatively) newly-out lesbian in my mid 20s means going through things that most of my peers went through at book!sansa's age. meanwhile, sansa is a 13-year-old girl going through things that someone my age might go through in the modern world.

reading her chapters helped me reconnect with my 13-year-old self who found sansa so relatable in the first place and now i better understand what i need to do for my inner child as a grown woman. an untold number of my therapy sessions have started with "so i read a sansa chapter this morning..." i mourn the loss of the five year gap because i think the reason grrm wrote so many main characters as children (despite saying he dislikes writing child characters) is to show the impact that one's inner child can have on one's adult self. and it kills me to think we might never see their adult selves dealing with that in canon.

i wish we could see sansa grow up into a (well-written) version of the powerful woman we see her become at the end of got in the asoiaf books but i am not sure the timeline will work that way. i would love to see her as a grown woman taking stock of what she needs to do for her inner child just as i have (with her help, in a way). of course there's fic -- this perspective of sansa very much informs the way i write her in my longfic -- but it makes me sad that we may never get grrm's take on her as a grown woman with full autonomy. because it feels like she grew up with me, you know?

[issybee06]

Because…

Part VI

Warnings: drinking, smoking, stab wounds, fighting, badly written fight scenes so sorry, blood, vomit, crying, children in adult situations, arranged marriages, Hiruzen being useless, Danzo hate, dysfunctional political figures, slow burn, Kakashi and his stunted emotions, canine traits Kakashi brain rot cause who doesn't want that? family issues, longer chapters, trying to make longer chapters, cousins fighting, bastard discrimination

Mamihlapinatapia

(n.) a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin

………………………………………………………………………….

As children, the concept of a ‘crush’ was so innocent. It was a sweet thing, something adults gush over if they ever find out, something your friends teased you about as they try to push you in the direction of the person you fancied.

It was innocent. 

You’d make love notes, buy little treats or toys, and leave them on your crushes desk when they weren’t looking. Then you’d park over at them all day, hoping by some miracle the crush would instantly know you were the one to bring them the gift, even if you never signed it.

Kakashis desk was always littered with gifts or cards the one year he was at the academy. He was cool, and little girls would gather to watch him practice or spar. It could make one flustered, how good he was. It was was almost unnatural how amazing he was. No bloodlines, no special clan gift, just him.

As a child, I always wanted to talk to him. Our parents were friends, I wanted to be his friend too…but he looked right pass me.

I wasn’t the best student. I struggled at taijutsu, my fingers would get twisted if I tried to do a hand sign, and when I got scolded I would tear up. No one in the Capital yelled at me, I was a Princess, (Y/n)-Hime, but here I was just a regular kid. Titles, clans and such didn’t matter to children at that age. Sure, it made you look cool, but if you weren’t rising through the classes and being the best you soon got dumbed as a loser.

I wasn’t the worst student, Obito was levels behind everyone, Anko goofed off so much she got a bad reput but was smart when she applied herself, and Gai couldn’t even use Ninjutsu or Genjutsu, but it was humiliating because of who I was. What I was.

How could the granddaughter of Senju Tobirama, the man who created most of the Justus known, suck at being a shinobi?

I never wanted to be a Shinobi.

I was happy living in the capital and being doted on like a princess, learning how to sit and eat like a proper lady, wearing beautifully crafted kimonos and yukatas, and reading history books in the gardens without any fear of being attacked by an enemy.

I had felt betrayed when my mother left me in Konoha, leaving me to become something I wasn't. I wasn't like the children at the academy, I was years behind.

Kushina, my mother's distant cousin, saw me struggling and took me into her care. I had been living in the Senju mansion by myself the first year I came to Konoha, and after Kushina started tutoring me after my academy classes I began to stay at her apartment.

Little by little my stay at the mansion became less and less, and soon the room I had called my own held nothing of me…and I left the house.

Kushina said she saw herself in me, having also come from a different land and struggled in the academy. She had Mito-sama, and I had her.

………………………………………………………………………….

I stay under the shade of the tree, leaning against it as I watch the academy kids run around and play. My arms were crossed, and I frowned slightly as I watched the little blonde-haired boy sit by himself again. He sat on the swing, dragging his feet on the dirt as he pushed himself, toeing the ground. It was cold out, yet he was barely wearing anything. I frown more, leaning into the tree. Gotta remember to buy him a scarf…

“Youre not supposed to be here.”

I look over, eyes softening slightly, “Hokage-sama…”

He smiled, walking closer to me with his hands clasped behind his back, “if I remember correctly, you're supposed to be looking over the new genin files for your first students.”

I huff, shoving my hands in the pockets of my jacket. I frown as he speaks, slowly loosing motivation to listen.

“…I have other stuff to worry about, I can’t babysit preteens right now.”

“Oh? And that would be? Forgive me, Y/n-hime, I’m old and my memory seems to fail me.” He was teasing me, and I sigh as I push myself off the tree and follow him as we walk away from the academy.

“…I can’t take care of kids right now, I have my assignment to do. Kids will only push my deadline back more and cost more lives to be lost because I’m not working on an antidote.”

“You have an apprentice, yes?” He asks, and I huff. I roll my neck, my tired eyes looking over at him as he faces forward, “Setsuko is smart, but she can’t do it on her own.”

“Ito Setsuko, the laxative creator in the Chunin exams, yes?”

I snort, feeling a bit proud of the teen for being recognized, “yeah…she’s a good kid, but she’s not ready for such a big task, Hokage-sama-”

“Hiruzen. I raised you for a good amount of your life, your mother too, I think we’re familiar enough for you to not need to call me ‘Hokage-sama’.”

My expression softens slightly, taking him in. I knew he still felt bad for not being a better father figure to my mother, not helping her when she was denied as Senju clan head, not and he was trying to make up for it through me. It was sad.

“Hiruzen-Jii…Setsuko isn’t ready to do an assignment this important yet…I’m not ready to take on students…can’t even take care of my Senseis own kid. ” I spoke softly, kicking a rock as we continued to walk through the village. His expression droops, and I could hear him swallow slightly.

“…you know why you can’t take him in, Y/n-hime.”

“No, no I really don’t…explain it again for me?” I snip, and I instantly felt like a child again waiting for my mother to come home for the holidays only for her never to show.

He looks over at me, and my chest clenches at how old he really looked. The lines on his face didn’t suit him, made him look so much older than he actually was. The wars, the village, so many people either dying or leaving seemed to age him.

He sighs, “…having you take him in will draw too much attention on him…he must remain unknown to our enemies outside the village.”

“Yet him being alive gains him ones in the village…” I hiss quietly, and my hands clench in my pockets; balling so tight my nails pricked my skin.

“…I can’t control what the civilians think-”

“But you could help him out a bit!” I hiss, “do something so that he isn’t suffering!”

He frowns, “…if I could, I would.”

I scoff, rolling my eyes at him. Years ago, I would never dream of scoffing at the Hokage, but now I couldn’t seem to care.

“…he’s a child.”

“He is Minatos child, which makes him if discovered in danger.” he speaks in a hushed, but firm tone.

I clench my jaw slightly, holding my tongue. He was Kushinas son too, her baby, and someone I swore to protect. Back then I didn't fight back when the council refused to let me take him in, always ready to follow orders, but now I felt the need to take him home and care for him.

I could put a second bed in my room, get rid of my desk, and make do with working in the kitchen if I had to. Genma would complain at first, but he too cared about Naruto even if he never voiced it. I would buy parenting books, toys, and anything else the kid needed to get by. I'd care for him like Kushina cared for me…and the council knew that I'd do it.

Would they though? No, absolutely not. Bullshit reason after bullshit reason, nothing that actually gave me a real reason why I couldn't take care of the little boy.

“…if I took him in, no one would touch him. I'd make sure.” I spoke softly, not looking at the disapproving face he was giving me right now.

“Oh yes, because you're not in constant danger yourself for your bloodline?” he pressed sarcastically, and I rolled my eyes again.

“Something I have to live with, all clan heads have to live with, its not just me. Just two years ago the Hyuga heir was kidnapped and almost killed.”

“Yes, and we almost went to war again for it. Now imagine if it was Naruto, we could start a whole new shinobi wa-”

I glare at him, stopping in the street, “if I was watching him, there wouldn't be a chance!”

People were looking. Of course, they were, its not everyday the Hokage graces the streets on foot, but someone yelling at him? Especially the bastard heir of the Senju clan? This was shocking.

He stayed firm, and I could see by the little movement of his hand he was telling his Anbu to stand down.

Yeah, like I'd kill the Hokage. I snorted at the thought, and stood straight. He huffed at my nature, speaking lowly, “…remember your place, (Y/n).”

I shoot him a glare, and bow lowly, “…forgive me…Hokage-sama.”

I jump up, landing on the roof. Three Anbu were lurking there, and hand stances ready to strike. I saw the spiky stuffs of silver hair behind the familiar painted dog mask, and knew that her was glaring at me. Cursing me out in his head.

I huffed, rolling my eyes before stuffing my hands in the pockets of my oversize TI jacket.

“At ease,” I side eye them, walking along the roof with a click of my heals, heading back to the TI building to hide away in my cave.

………………………………………………………………………….

“Are you fucking crazy?!”

I don't raise my head from my work, the dropper steady in my hand.

“Knocking would be most appreciated.”

“I should knock sense into you! Threatening the Hokage, (Y/n)?! In public?! You are crossing too many lines?!”

I spin around, glaring at Kakashi from behind my safety goggles, “I want threatening him, I was speaking to him.”

He glared, both eyes on display. The red glow of the gifted eye seemed to drown him, fighting off the dim glow of the blue luminous poison in my dropper. Such opposites we had become.

“…i can't prote-…I cant spare you if it comes to the Hokage's safety, (Y/n).” he growled, and I raise my chin at him.

“I'm not a threat to the Hokage, Hatake-san. Now, if you'll excuse me…this is a private office.” I turn away from him, a stupid decision if he was actually trying to do me harm.

Quietly, almost unheard, was the sharp inhale from him. I never, never, had used his last name to address him, even when we weren't talking for years at a time. He was always Kakashi to me, never anything else.

He leaves after a beat, and the air is cool again. I sigh, pushing my work to the side to lay my head in my arms. Nothing was the same anymore, nothing made sense. Not that it ever did, nothing was sane or normal when you're a bastard of two highly regarded clans of two highly regarded villages.

Nothing made sense.

The chunin exams, Kushina said, were the biggest event for a young shinobi, bigger than becoming a Jonin. Jonin can be promoted at any time, chunin only gains their rank after proving him or herself to not only the Hokage but multiple other Kages and feudal lords.

Gai was practically buzzing after the first round, the written exam, and even more giddy after we got our of the Forest of death after running into team Minato. Now, he was off the wall bouncing for beating Obito in the 1v1.

I felt bad for Obito, Gai was known for kicking pretty hard and Obito seemed to have received full force. His jaw was bruised, goggles kicked off as he pathetically leaned on the railing with Kakashi and Rin. But I couldn't worry about him right now, not now when names of people were being called and the gnawing anxiety of my name not being called made my heart twist and constrict.

I jumped when a hand fell onto my shoulder, “ You’re doing it again.”

I stopped the assault on my nail beds, and looked over my shoulder at Genma. In two years of being on the same team, I had grown closest to him. He could read me like the easiest open book, understand me like a second language. He knew I was nervous…why I was nervous.

It was normal, even in war times, for Genin from other villages or nations to compete in the same Chunin exam. What made me so nervous was on the other side of the sparing platform was my cousins from Suna…cousins who didn’t quit care for me all that much.

“Calm down…it’s a 1 in 1 million chance you’ll have to fight one of them-”

“It’s still a chance.” I breath, my breath coming in short gasps as the names on the screen began to raffle. 1 in 1million, I tried to remind myself, but fait had hated me since birth.

“The next spar will be Senju Isuzu of Konoha, against Ryōichi Satoshi of Suna.” The proctor announced, and I felt my face turn green as my stomach churned uncontrollably.

Satoshi, my Aunt Hachis oldest son, hated me since my birth for dishonoring the Takamori clan name. Hatred most likely fed by my aunt, who disliked me just as much as my mother.

I walk down the balcony to the stairs, passing team Minato. Rin gave me a thumbs up, unknowing of what I was getting into. Obito winced at me, and Kakashi gave me the same uncaring look he always gave.

“Good luck, (Y/n)-chan! You’re gonna do great!” She spoke with her kind smile, and I couldn’t snap at her. She didn’t know, how could she know she was praising me just before my own death?

I gave her a little smile, and walked on.

Nearing the entrance, Satoshi was leaning on the wall, waiting for me.

“…jūkei.” I greeted softly, and he huffed. He stood off the wall, next to me as we walked in, “don’t go crying to your father after I beat you into the ground, Yaro.” He spoke lowly, his angry purple irises narrowed at me.

He walked ahead of me, getting in his stance. I walked to mine, my breath in short pants as my throat felt dry and full of water all at the same time.

“…Will you fight me as a bastard, or as a Takamori?” He asked, reaching into his back pocket. I swallowed when he pulled out a blindfold, one with the Takamori clan symbol on it. Even since my grandfather, Takamori Akifumi married the priestess Kazema Naoko, their descendants have practiced the Kazema clan fighting style of relying on your minds eye.

Cover the eyes, see from your third eye or something stupid like that. The Kazema is what made the Takamori clan different from other animal summoner clans, yet the Kazema clan is forgotten.

I swallow, following his lead. I bring down my headband over my eyes, and all goes black…until color. I couldn’t see him…I could feel him. His chakra, his smell, the sound of his heartbeat and the small shifts in his stance. Block out one sense, and the others are amplified. 

“And…BEGIN!”

He was running towards me, I could hear him and feel his angry Chakra nearing me. As he went to throw his punch, I dodged, and pulled out a kunai to stab his leg. He grabbed my wrist at the last second, kneeing me in the chin.

I groaned, jumping back. I felt blood in my mouth, my lip split from my teeth being forced to bite.

I could hear him snort, “damn…Konoha has taught you shit.”

I glare, pulling out another kunai. He pulled out his own, and lunged at me. I rolled on my back, and rabbit kicked him away from me before flipping up and meeting his kunai. I couldn’t see it, but I knew he was glaring at me. He pushed against my kunai, backing me up to the wall.

I pulling out another, and swung, but was met again with another kunai, “come on, (Y/n). Fight. Back!”

I step against the wall, and use my chakra to keep myself stuck to the wall before kicking his jaw and jumping back. He snarled, throwing a kunai at my head before following me up the wall. I dodged again, dropping low to sweep his leg but he saw it coming, up over me and landing, swinging his kunai at my exposed head aim to kill.

I grasped his wrist before he could deliver the finishing blow, and using one hand weaved the sign for Katon.

I felt his chakra spike in fear, and he quickly ripped his wrist away and jumped back to great a mud wall to block the fire ball.

I followed the smoke, jumping over the wall with my kunai at the ready in high in both hands above my head. He sees me and rolls away, causing me to plunge the kunai into the wall and embedding it. It would take too much time for me to pull it out, so I left it and pulling out another to attack.

He roared at me, sharp canines exposed as if ready to plunge into my throat as he swings a kunai at me. I block, and bare my own canines, I would not be intimidated and belittled by a spoiled little bitch.

He took an opportunity, punching me in the jaw. I stumbled back, and lost my footing and my chakra gave out in my feet. I gasped, falling back into the mud wall he made. I coughed, wind knocked out of me.

“This is child’s play, a joke! You, a Takamori and a Senju can’t even fight?!” I hear him crouch down, and his hands began weaving, “you dont deserve to live, Yaro, a disgrace. KAZE NO YAIBA!”

My eyes behind my head band widen, and I roll fast to stick back on the wall. He was going to fucking cut me in half, the psycho! I thought at I hear the rock split and the broken half fall and shatter on the sparring platform. I turn my head back to were his chakra was, standing up from my crouched position. It was no use yelling at him for almost killing me, he was trying to and I knew.

He ran towards me, dragging the Kaze no yaiba along the wall and splitting it. He wasn’t strong enough to control such a Justus, and I couldn’t believe my aunt or anyone else on my father’s side of the family would allow him to learn it so young.

We are 8…8 year olds trying to kill each other to appease our families and villages. I thought with a sickening feeling in my stomach as I jumped to dodge his swing of the wind sword. I land behind him, and run up the wall to create some distance.

I wince slightly, feeling pain in my side. I look down, seeing he managed to get a hit on me. I keep my hand on the wound, trying to ignore it.

I was going to run out of chakra if I continued this game of cat and mouse while using my chakra to stick to the wall. I was going to die. I slide, grabbing a hold of the kunai stuck in the wall and sound around to hold myself on it. If I could lessen how much time I spent using my chakra to stick to the wall, I could use it for bigger attacks.

I pull my water bottle out, and pop it open and chug it. To use a water jutsu, you needed a large body of water to hold the jutsu. I didn’t not, in fact, have a large body of water but I could make do with this.

But I had to keep him away first.

I gather my chakra, turning it to wwater in my mouth, then shaping it to a senbon. Tenkyū, I thought before shooting it at Ryōichi.

While he was distracted, I weaved the tiger hand sign as sweat began to drip down my brow. I was getting weaker, I had never fought someone so hard before while using the Takamori fighting style of being blind folded…or ever.

“Suiton: Teppōdama!” I yell out, and water shoots from my mouth.

I hear him yell out as he’s hit and pushed to the ground of the sparing platform. I continue to keep the spray on him, keeping him down.

The water dies down as my chakra fades, and I gasp for breath. I weakly stand, using chakra to slide down the wall. I shuffle towards him, and suck in a breath. I didn’t kill him, his chakra was still very much alive, but the fear that I had done permanent damage made me sick.

“…Since Ryōichi Satoshi is unable to continue, Senju (Y/-”

He kicked my leg, causing me to fall on my back before lunging on top of me. I fought back, kicking and punching my he grabbed my wrist, pinning it before stabbing and kunai through my palm.

I cried out, thrashing to get him off but it was no use as soon as his hands circled my neck. My eyes widen, and I claw at his hands with my free hand.

I could practically feel his smile, “this…this is what should happen, this is your fait!”

“NO!” I was not going to die.

With a hazy mind, I pull my last Kunai out, and with all my strength dug it into the skin of his cheek and dragged it up, cutting open his face and taking his eye.

He screamed, letting my neck go as he pushed away from me, howling like a mad animal. He was crying, begging, screaming as he rolling around on the floor in pain.

Shakily, I sat up, pulling the blooded headband away from my eyes. My face and chest were covered in his blood, and I look at him in terror as medical nin raced to get him out of the area.

The proctor grasped my hand, holding it up and I sat there paralyzed.

“Senju (Y/n) wins!”

I stood up, swaying a bit before hunching over, and throwing up. It was all pain, and I sobbed at the acid and at what I had done. I had taken his eye, I had scarred him for life, he would never recover because of me.

Kushinas gentle hands guided me away, holding me close to her as I cried and hiccuped. I was 8…and I wanted my childhood back. I wasn’t like my grandfather, i wasn’t like my father or my mother, I wasn’t like my Sensei, I wasn’t strong like them.

I didn’t want to be a shinobi.

I wasn’t Kakashi.

I felt a spike of Chakra, and I sat up. I turned to look towards the door, but no one else was in the room. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I grasped the closest thing I could reach, a fucking pencil.

“…this is an S-rank lab…leave or suffer the consequences.” I spoke out, knowing someone was in the room.

All was quiet, still, but my guard never dropped. Suddenly a kunai is thrown at my head, and I dodge it only to have to dodge a second. From the wall emerged three shinobi, all wearing Rain ninja headbands.

“Rain…? Allied yourself to another killer?” I scoff, grabbing one of the kunai.

“Stupid woman needs to mind her own business, meddling in things she doesn’t understand.”

“Scientists are annoying, so troublesome to kill.”

The third doesn’t speak, his eyes narrowed as he pulls out his katana.

“All your data, we’ll be taking it.”

“I seriously doubt that…” I muttered, and blocked his swing with the kunai before pushing him back. I grab my note book, and stuff it in my pocket before kicking another guy as he lunged at me.

I raced to my door, and cursed to find it locked. I didn’t lock it, Kakashi must have that fuckin-

I gasp, my head being pulled back by my hair. Just before I was fully away from it, I slammed the alarm button, causing sirens to wale out and the room to be plunged in red light.

I straddle the guy who pulled me back, punching the shit out of him before being dragged back and thrown against the wall harshly. I snarl, digging my kunai in the man’s shoulder before kicking him in the stomach, and pulling the kunai out. I was not loosing this kunai.

The third guy with the katana, punched me, coming into my blind spot and grabbing my throat with one hand as the other searched for my note book. I lean in, straining against him choking me to bite his ear, ripping a piece off. He screams out, letting me go to give me the opening to head butting him and stab him in the throat.

I wipe my face of the blood, and hear yelling on the other side of the door.

“In here!” I yell, weakly, still a bit winded. I raise the kunai, I still had two more guys to either kill or subdue.

The guy on the floor was knocked out, I wasn’t worried about him, but the biggest of the bunch was still kicking.

“Fuck…”

He lunges at me, swinging his large fist. I jump back, sizing up my options. Larger opponents meant their balance was off more, if I could take out a leg…

He swings again, and I jump just in time to see my table being smashed along with all my shit…and the poison, that’s it!

It rolls towards me, by fait or unluckiness for this guy, and I grasped the bottle and throw it at his face. He yells out, and gets blinded by the poison eating his face away, but he’s still swinging. If I’m not careful, a drop could get on me, or his fist could hit me.

I needed to take him out, and I grab the kunai.

Two steps back, one step forward, one step back, step forward Strike!

I go for his side, stabbing him and jumping away fast, but he doesn’t go down.

“Shit!” What was taking them so long with the door?! Was it the lockdown system?! Can’t they just shut it down?!

I dodge another hit, and back against the door. I peak out the little window to see four ANBU, Genma, Ibiki and Inoichi. Kakashi…he was fucking livid it looked, barking orders that were muffled out by the door. His eyes caught mine before a fist shot out right next to my head, denting the door.

“Holy shit…”

“Found you, mouse.” His voice twisted from his whole face now down to the bone, i couldn’t believe he was still going!

Must be a side effect…gives the person tainted with the poison super human abilities to carry out mass destruction.

Oh, remember that pencil? Oh, it’s going into his head, no joke.

I rawr, plunging the pencil into his eye and using my palm to hit it to go deeper. I hiss as my hand gets the poison on his, and I begin to loose skin on my hand just in time for them to finally open the fucking door.

“FUCKING FINALLY!”

Genma races in, checking me over and holding me close, “are you okay?! Oh Kami I was so fucking scared.”

“Genmaaa, handddd!” I groan, and he curses when he sees my skin is fucking melting.

I lean on him, feeling feverish as the room fills with ANBU and company.

I meet kakashis ANBU mask again, and he watches Genma take me out of the room as his men get to work with dealing with my mess.

………………………………………………………………………….

I was lucky and antidote was made, to stop the rotting. My hand was still fucked, would be fucked for a while.

I was laying in a hospital bed, staring out the window boredly. The nurses wouldn’t allow me to work, telling me to rest, yet forgot that they are the one who prescribe me pills to make me sleep, my insomnia legendary. They, of course, can’t give me the pills while I’m hooked up apparently.

I sit up when Inoichi and Ibiki walk into the room, and I look towards both of them, “well?”

“I did a little digging into our friends mind, turns out Rain is not working with the people who created the poison…they wanted to use it for themselves, so no lead on the creator.” Inoichi spoke, and I huff.

“Go figures.”

Ibiki chuckled, walking over to ruffle my hair, “aye, look at you. ‘Not a field ninja’ my ass, you killed a guy with a pencil!”

“He was already dying.” I point out and he shushes me, chuckling giddily.

“To think, all these years I thought you were a prissy little prin-”

“Thank you Ibiki, you are dismissed.” Inoichi spoke, and sighed softly with Ibiki nodded and left the room.

Inoichi walked over to me, sitting on the edge of the bed, “…you feel fine?”

I lift my bandaged hand, flexing it.

“I’ll be fine…Hashiramas genes and shit…I heal fast.”

He chuckles, and drags his hand down his face with a sigh, “…you scared us today…that boy too.”

“Genma? He tends to get over-”

“Huh? No, no. The Hatake boy, he was going nuts trying to get that door opened that he eventually used his Chidori to break in.”

My eyes widen…Kakashi was going crazy…cause I was trapped inside the room?

“…really?”

“Yeah, never seen someone freak out so much. Funny.” He huffed again, smoothing his blonde hair back before standing. He placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze, “rest, I’ll take care of this. You did a good job.”

I smile softly up at him, and he walks out, closing the door softly behind him.

I settle back into my bed, closing my eyes. Kakashi was worried about me…

I turn over, and my eyes widen briefly.

On my windowsill was my note book, and a takeout bag from ichiraku. I stood up from the bed, and my cheeks warmed as I took the things off the sill.

“Kakashi…”