#They called to ask MY MUM. FOR HER BLOOD TYPE

[illbegottenfaith]

ugh my mom is on the phone with my grandmother who’s crying about my LOSER uncle

[acewritesfics]

Mama Bear | Tommy Shelby

⚠️ THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY MAIN BLOG @/DLMLUFICS. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY. MORE INFO IN MY PINNED POST

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Nora + Bess

Request: No but @runnning-outof-time's interest kept me encouraged and motivated to write it.

Fic Type: Imagine

Warnings: Swearing. Smoking. Threats being made. Inspector Campbell being a prick. Slight Grace bashing. Nora protecting her family and being a mama bear. Someone gets called a whore [hint: it's not Lizzie]. A six-year-old in the pub. Tommy and Nora's daughter's name in this is Elizabeth but she gets called Bess or Bessie. Also crayola crayons came out in 1903 but were invented in 1902, useless fact, I know... 

Word Count: 1,971

TOMMY SHELBY MASTERLIST || TAG LIST SIGN-UP

"Give Tommy and Elizabeth my love," Nora’s mother, Marion, tells her as she stands up to leave. "Hopefully I'll see you all at church on Sunday." 

"You know I can't make any promises, mother," She says also standing up. "I'll make sure to give Tommy and Bessie your love," She adds as her mum pulls her in for a hug.  

"I really wish you would stop calling your daughter Bessie," Marion sighs as she pulls away from her daughter. 

"Don't start, we had such a lovely lunch together," She frowns at her, already felling annoyed at her mothers insistence to see them on Sunday.. "And you know she prefers Bessie over Elizabeth." 

"I'll see you Sunday," Marion says ignoring what she said as she leaves the restaurant. 

"I doubt it," Nora mumbles to herself as she picks up her purse. Sunday is hers and Tommy’s day where they solely focus on there daughter. No outside family or work. It’s just the three of them and it’s been that way since Bess was born. 

As Nora goes to leave she sees someone who makes her blood boil in the worst kind of way. Walking over to him, her mind goes back to the events of the day before. Ada and Polly had taken Bessie and Finn to the park for a few hours and had been spotted by Inspector Campbell who grabbed Bessie's arm and threatened to have her removed from her's and Tommy's custody.  

When Tommy and Nora arrived home from the races, a frightened Bessie ran up to them crying about a man telling Auntie Polly and Auntie Ada that he was going to take her away from them. When Polly explained to them what happened, Nora and Tommy were about to go murder the Irish inspector. But reassuring their daughter that mummy and daddy would never let that happen was more important.  

Polly told them that she made sure he knew he was crossing a line and that she has their backs if something were to happen to him as well as threatening to cut his hands off if he touched her again. 

"Well isn't this a pleasant surprise, Inspector," she plasters a fake smile on her face as she sits across from him, sipping his tea. 

He looks at her a little surprised. "Mrs Shelby, I wasn't expecting to see you here." 

"That's odd, since you've been following my family around since you've been here," she says trying to keep the venom from her voice. "I was just having lunch with my mother. I saw you on my way out and thought we could have a little chat." 

"Don't you have to get back to that criminal husband of yours?" He says seeming anxious to get rid of her.  

"Do you see a leash around my neck?" She asks him, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.  

"Why are you with a man like him?" he asks her. "He'll only get you and your daughter hurt, maybe even killed. He's bad news and you and Bessie," he ignores the glare she sends him when he mentions her daughters nickname. "Deserve better than that." 

"You see, Tommy is a lot of things, Inspector," she begins. "But he's my husband and my daughter's father, first and foremost, and if you think for a second that you can turn me against him by saying all that, you should think again," she continues, leaning in closer and pointing the fingers that are holding her cigarette at him. "And if you continue to use my daughter as leverage in whatever game you're playing with him, you won't only have Thomas Shelby to worry about." 

"Is that a threat, Mrs. Shelby?" he asks, visibly gulping. The bite in her words and fire in her eyes told the inspector she's a woman of her word and that if he didn't fear Tommy, he should certainly fear her. She was not only a woman protecting her husband but a mother protecting her cub. 

"Oh no, darling," she leans back in the chair, crossing her legs, with one arm across her stomach while the other brings her cigarette back to her lips. She takes one last drag on her cigarette before crushing it into the ashtray on the table. Uncrossing her legs, she stands up from her seat. "Think of it as a friendly promise." 

"We're not friends," he frowns up at her. 

"And we never will be with that attitude," she scoffs. "But if you would rather I threaten you," she starts, as she moves closer and leans over him. "You touch my daughter again and it'll be the last thing you ever do." 

She stands up straight and goes to step away from him when she turned back around. "And if I were you, I'd send Grace back to Ireland or to where the hell she wants to go. Would hate for something to happen to her when the other's finally see the truth about her."  

"You know about Grace?" He looks at her surprised and a little worried for the blonde 'barmaid'. "Are you worried she'll steal your husband?" 

"I know more than you think," she smiles. "If you think your blonde whore can steal my husband, you're a bigger fool than I thought. In fact you two are perfect for each other. Idiots, the both of you," she adds and pats his cheek. "Enjoy the rest of your day, Inspector."  

Leaving the restaurant, she makes her way to the Garrison. 

Nora enters the Garrison, finding only Grace behind the bar. She's leaning in close to the wall of the snug as if she's trying to listen in on whoever is in there. Nora knew it would be Tommy, Arthur and John since they were the only ones who used it. Rolling her eyes, she makes her way over to the bar.  

"You might as well have your ear against the wall," she says startling the barmaid spy. "I'll bet I can guess what you're listening in on." 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Grace tries to deny having being caught eavesdropping.  

"Gosh, I really hope Bess isn't giving her dad and uncles too much trouble. That girl can be a handful when she wants to be. She gets that from her Uncle John," Nora smiles, this was her way of reminding Grace of where she stood. Not only was Grace unknowingly revealing her intentions for working there, she'd taken a liking to Tommy that was a little more than him being her and Campbell's target. "She has her Uncle Arthur's temper though. But then again all the Shelby's have that temper and they can hold a grudge well too. You really wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of them."  

"Why do I get the feeling that you're trying to warn about something?" 

"I would hate for something to happen to the pretty face of yours," she says not bothering to hide her intentions in her words. 

"Look, I don't know-" she begins only to be cut off but the snug door opening and Tommy walking out.  

"Hello, Love," he greets his wife, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "How was lunch with Marion?"  

"It went well," she smiles. "She's invited us to church on Sunday. And just so you know, you missed." 

"Did I?" he asks, a small smirk making it's way on to his lips. Taking her face in his hands, he plants his lips on hers, making sure to make a show of it. "Better?" he asks when he pulls away. 

"Much better," Patting his chest, she moves past him into the snug. She's surprised to see Bessie's box of crayons and her sketchbook sitting neatly to the side. The little girl loves to draw and takes her drawing book and crayons every where she goes.  

Looking at Bessie, she notices the little girl has playing cards in her hand and a stoic look on her face as she glances at her uncles sitting across from her. 

"Please tell me you're not teaching our daughter to play cards," she says to Tommy as he stands next to her. 

"Our dad started teaching us at her age," Arthur pipes up, his eyes furrowed in concentration as he looks between his cards and Bessie.  

"Next we'll be off to the races, teaching her how to place a bet," John joins in.  

"Remind me why I married into this family again?" she says turning towards Tommy who had moved to sit back down next to Bessie. 

"Because you couldn't resist my charm," Tommy teases smiling up at her and pulling her onto his lap. "And aside from Bessie, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." 

"And he knocked you up." John adds, snickering behind his cards.  

"What does knocked you up mean, mummy?" the soft spoken voice of her daughter asks.  

Nora sends a deadly glare towards John. "I'll explain it when you're older." She turns back to Tommy. "We should head home. I need to talk to you." 

"Can't we talk here?" he asks.  

"I caught her trying to listen in again," she says leaning in to whisper in his ear just incase Grace was standing there with her ear pressed to the wall again. 

"I think it's time we take Bess home," Tommy announces to the room as Nora stands from his lip, picking up Bessie's crayons and book. 

"But Uncle Arthur owes me £1," Bessie whines as she drops her cards on the table. 

"I'll give it to your dad later," Arthur assures her as she shuffles off her chair.  

"She'll hold you too it," Nora warns her brother-in-law from thinking that he can get away from paying his debt to his youngest niece. She helps the six year old into her coat. 

The small family of three say their goodbyes and leave the Garrison, making their way home. 

"Is she alright?" Tommy asks as Nora's arms wrapped around him from behind. She lets out a sigh as she nuzzles her face into his back. Bessie wanted to do some drawing in her bedroom when they got home so Nora had got it all set up for her while Tommy made her some tea. 

"She's perfect," She answers not just talking about their little girls mood.  

Bessie had been born just before the war was declared and Tommy and Nora were married not long before her birth. She was two months old when Tommy and her Uncles were shipped off to France. Every time when Tommy came back on leave she'd grown so much. He'd missed all her milestones but read about it in his wife, his sister and his aunt's letters. Bessie was four when he came home after the war ended and she attached herself to him as if he'd never been gone. She's a daddy's girl and has Tommy wrapped tightly around her finger.  

After he came home, most nights he would spend in her bedroom, sitting on the floor, his back to the wall watching her sleep to remind himself he was safe and at home, that he still has something to live for when it gets too much to bare. His little girl is his guiding light. She's the one who pulls him out of the french tunnels when he finds himself back in them. When he's with her and Nora, the noises stop and visions of the dirty walls fade away. 

So yeah, she's perfect. 

"Are you alright?" He asks turning around in her arms, forgoing the tea he was making.  

"I'll be better once Campbell and Grace are gone," she says looking up into his eyes.  

"Not much longer now, my love," he tells her, leaning his head forward to press a kiss to hers. "You have my word." 

TAGGED: @chapter-in-my-old-diary - @hanawrites404 - @goblinjnr - @halsteadbrasil - @forgottenpeakywriter - @galactict3a

BOLD means your blog didn't come up when I tried to tag you. Sometimes it links after I post but I don't know if you get the notification or not. Here's a post I found that could help: WHY OTHERS CAN'T TAG YOUR BLOG

To join my tag list, fill out this form: TAG LIST SIGN-UP

[imagineanime2022]

The Variable *Part 6*

Caspian Keyes X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3866

Requested: @twilight5139 @fa1rydimpl3s Anon

Request: please make an other part I really like these so much and I DESPERATELY need a part 6 AND Omg the last chapter was so good, can we have a chapter 6, you don’t have to rush to make it just take your time, and can you make like another story where Caspian has a happy ending with y/n? I hope you have a good day AND PART 6 TO THE VARIABLE PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! ITS SO GOOD !!!!!!! I love it.

Warnings: Self sacrifice, injury, blood, SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2

*Part 5*

You looked around the hotel room, you were sitting on the bed behind Caspian and Maddie as they opened the laptop to talk to MIST. They explained what they had spoken about on the plane while you had been asleep and for the most part you understood, at least the human side of it. What the computer programme was, was still a mystery to you. You shoulder was still stiff, so Caspian had insisted you stay on the bed but you could still see the computer screen from there.

Unknown: Maddie? I can’t see you, the camera is blocked. Localuser: It’s Caspian. Why are you called MIST? Unknown: Hi Caspian. Dad called me that. He liked acronyms.

Caspian let out a soft chuckle “Modular Integrated Source Template.” He spoke just as softly. “Huh?” Maddie asked. “Working title for the cure.” Caspian answered. “I just threw it up at the top of the file.” “Ask it to prove it.” Maddie ordered before shoving him out of the way to start typing, Caspian shuffled out of the bumping against your leg as you did.

Localuser: Prove you have parts of David Kim’s code.

A new window of code opened with a part of it highlighted, you assumed this was the answer to her question. “This is one of his logic paths.” Caspian said as he started highlighting things and moving windows around.

Unknown: And this is his confidence in you, Maddie.

“How the hell did it know?” Maddie asked.

Unknown: The microphone is on.

Maddie attempted to close the laptop but Caspian stopped her “this is important.” he said as he opened the computer back up. “Did you integrate Stephen Holstrom’s upload?”

Unknown: Yes. Unknown: But then he gave the order to kill you and I observed Julius Pope give the order to kill my sister and your friend as well. Unknown: This is why I helped you escape.

“Thank you.” You said softly, it was the first time that you spoke since the plane, Caspian looked back at you “they helped me find you when I got away from Julius.”

Unknown: You’re welcome. Unknown: I can help more but this CPU is very slow. Unknown: If I could load into a more powerful processor.

“It wants more power. That’s gonna end well.” Maddie said, slamming the laptop closed, standing and sitting on the bed next to you. “Maddie, she's trying to help, she obviously thinks you’re her sister.” Caspian argued. “She?” Maddie asked. “You don’t know what it is, so please stop pretending you do.” Maddie argued. “Look none of us know what she is but that doesn’t make her inherently good or bad, right now you are looking at a child that needs guidance.” You explained “please don’t teach prejudice before love that will only end badly.” “I can tell you she’s not my sister.” Maddie argued. “You're right, I created this, so I’m responsible for it.” Caspian conceded, sitting down by your legs, his hand gently finding your shin where it rested, like he often did when he was nervous or worried. “You shouldn‘t have to deal with- You shouldn’t have been brought into this in the first place. You said your mum is in DC right?” “My mom.” Maddie breathed. “You know where she’s staying?” Caspian asked. “Oh my god, she thinks I’m back home. She has no idea.” Maddie said. “I think you should go to her.” Caspian suggested. “I can figure out how to contact Josephine Coupet on my own, see if she’s the right UI to help us.” “She’s gonna kill me.” Maddie said. “No, she’s not. She’s gonna take you home.” Caspian’s thumb gently rubbed soothing circles into your leg as he spoke. “Maddie, you should talk to your mum at least.” You said “no matter what happens you should go and see her, she’ll be worried about you, you should let her know that you are okay.” “You're right.” She nodded, standing from where she was sitting “I-” “Maddie, it's okay.” You shifted slightly so that you were facing her properly “you have to do what is best for you, if that crosses paths with us then great but if not then just enjoy your life yeah?” Maddie nodded as she packed everything up, and said her final goodbyes before leaving. “It’s just us again.” Caspian sighed and you nodded. “Sorry it’s not someone smarter.” You shrugged your non injured shoulder, looking around the room, he drew your attention back to him. “I don’t need someone smarter, I just need you.” Caspian pressed a soft kiss to your cheek before moving to sit next to you on the bed to start researching Josephine Coupet.

You were only a few minutes into the research when Caspian seemed to stop freeze completely as if remembering something “What?” You asked shuffling forward on the bed to get closer to him. “Why did you say that?” He asked. “What? I didn’t say anything.” You frowned trying to remember if you had mumbled something by accident. “Not just now.” He answered as he finally looked at you, you were taken aback by the confused anger that took over his face. “Before you said that I didn’t need you.” The repeated words brought you back to the moment before you were dragged off with Julius, you looked away from him then “and before that you wouldn’t come with me to talk to Maddie, it all started after Julius found you in the office. What did he say to you?” “Cas it’s nothi-” “What did he say?” Caspian asked, finger and thumb grasping your jaw gently and redirecting your gaze to him. “Nothing that was true.” You answered. “Then why are you acting like it is?” He asked. “I- I’m sorry-” “Stop apologising, this isn’t something that you need to apologise for but I need you to understand that I will never stop needing you, I will never stop wanting you to be the person beside me.” He explained softly as he leaned closer, pressing a kiss to your temple “I don’t care who walks out of my life as long as it’s not you.”

You aren’t sure how long you had both been knee deep in research, you reading things out for him and helping to connect the smaller pieces in a large puzzle “I think we have everything that we need.” Caspian said as the door burst open, you flinched and he turned. “I’m going with you.” Maddie demanded, you willed your body to relax as your brain consciously noted that there was no threat. “Hey, you okay?” Caspian asked. “Yeah, yeah fine.” You nodded “you should explain your crazy board.” “Right.” Caspian nodded as he turned to Maddie “So, I figured the Pentagon has got Commander Coupet stashed in a DoD server, connected to the SIPRNet.” “SIPRNet?” Maddie asked. “Thank God I wasn’t the only person who didn’t know what that was.” You breathed and she smiled. “Basically, the military internet.” Caspian supplied for her. “Which is definitely up and running, never shut down. Problem is how to gain access. I think if we can breach on of their contractors, maybe some aerospace company, through a vulnerable endpoint, like a networked printer, I can poke around the subnet, get intel to spearfish a high-level--” “Why not just look up her family?” Maddie asked. “Her f…” Caspian trailed as he realised that he had skipped over a simple solution. “What?” “Commander Coupet goes by “Joey” to her friends and family according to Waxman. He met her. Look. Is the thing still awake?” Maddie asked as she stood in front of the computer. “MIST, no, I’m letting the drive cool.” Caspian answered. “Jake Moretti and sons Branson and Oliver.” Maddie said as she pulled up a picture on the laptop that sat next to you on the table. “Coupet is her maiden name. Here’s their address. They’re her family and they knew that she volunteered for upload, one of her conditions was that they could access her UI.” Caspian looked back at everything that he had researched before looking at you, you gave a soft nod of approval, it seemed easier than what Caspian had planned. “Fine.” He nodded.

As you all stood on the porch of the house Joey Coupet lived at before uploading you suddenly became very nervous. Your eyes took note of everything around you trying to pick out the suspicious, even if there had been no indication that anyone was even looking for any of you. Maddie knocked on the door and a minute later a man opened the door, typical look of a man fathering two children, though he was cautious in his behaviour as you looked the three of you over. “Yes?” He finally asked. “Hi, Mr Moretti. My name's Maddison Kim, I’m from Sacramento, where my father was uploaded to the cloud by logorhythms.” Maddie explained, you tensed you hadn’t expected her to be that honest about it but Caspian’s thumb gently run over your knuckles trying soothe your worry without speaking “which is how I know about your wife, my friends Caspian, (Y/N) and I just want to come in and talk.” Mr Moretti leaned out of the door looking left and right before looking back at us. “Sorry I don’t want any.” He finally said before attempting to close the door. Caspian was the one that moved forward this time, unclasping your hands so that he could stop the door from closing. “We have the cure to the flaw.” A last ditch attempt to grab the man’s attention. “What flaw?” Mr Moretti asked, it was then that it occurred to you, what if she hadn’t told her family about it? Before you could say anything “Joey is dying. She’s dying at a rate that rapidly increases every hour on the hour, but we can save her life, if you let us in and show us how to reach her.” A small kid ran up just behind Mr Moretti. “Dad?” He asked. “Hey bud. G-go back to your room okay?” He asked, turning to the kid for a second, the look of a parent desperately trying to hide something he didn’t know how to explain. “Pasha!” The boy called as he ran back. “You’ve got about 5 seconds to back outta here before I get my gun.” Your hand reached for Caspian’s wrist at the mention of the weapon, but he closed the door allowing you the chance to leave. Caspian turned to leave. “This was a mistake.” He said. “No, no wait! When Cody showed up at our house, my mum pepper sprayed him, but then we got to talking-” The door opened behind Maddie before she could finish another woman who looked a lot like Joey walked out, a sister maybe. “My sister didn’t tell them about the flaw for good reason, they already lost one wife and mother.” She glared at all three of you. “Pash?” Mr Moretti asked “What is this?” “She made me swear to keep this to myself.” Pasha answered, turning to him. “So this… So this, this is real… Joey’s-” He couldn’t finish the sentence. “Go inside and sit down. Do not move. Do not touch anything.” Pasha ordered turning to us “all I wanna hear out your mouth is exactly how to save my baby sister.” You all walked into the living room where we all sat down, you put yourself closer to Mr Moretti incase anything happened as the other two explained the flaw and cure to them. Two kids, two adults and three strangers.

“And this flaw that’s in my wife, is the same one you say killed your father?” Mr Moretti asked, elbow balanced on his knees as he looked at Maddie. “Yes?” Maddie asked. “Why didn’t you cure him first?” Pasha asked, her arms crossed over her chest as she raised an eyebrow, your hand pulled up to your throat where the bruise was still a deep purple. “We wanted to but…” “I hadn’t created it yet.” Caspian answered, noticing how uncomfortable you both were. “You created it? How old are you?” Mr Moretti asked. “Do you even know if it works?” Pasha asked. “Or were you planning on experimenting on my sister and crossing your fingers that she doesn’t drop dead on the spot?” Both the adults seemed to remember that the kids were standing in the room. “Boys go to your rooms, please.” Pasha framed it as a request but you knew she wasn’t asking. “I wanna hear.” The older of the two argued. “Now Oliver, take your brother.” Mr Moretti was more forceful this time. “Do any of you have siblings?” Pasha asked. “No.” Maddie answered for all of you. “So, you haven’t even had practice feeling responsible for somebody.” Pasha argued and you sighed. “I know this is a lot, and it’s probably the hardest thing you’ve ever had to wrap your head around. The good news is that Joey’s story doesn’t have to end like my dad’s. You love Joey so much that you turned your whole life upside down to move in here and help Jake raise their children. But I’m guessing you also did it so you could see her and talk to her, even after she uploaded. Right? That’s why we came to you honestly. Watching someone you love fade away like that is a pain I don’t want anyone else to feel. If they don’t have to. The technology is new, you're right, but it works.” “I’d anything else shouldn’t this also be Joey’s decision, the NSA have probably told her that they still don’t have a cure and that it’s going to take a little longer but it’s right here and we can help her if that’s what she wants.” You finally spoke as you looked at them. “How long does she have left?” Pasha asked, finally sitting down. “Every UI is different; it mostly depends on how much energy she’s already expended.” Caspian answered. “What exactly do you need from us?” Mr Moretti asked. “She needs to talk to her first.” Caspian answered his shifting to you.

The had a VR set up to speak to Joey, Caspian stood in front of you “You’ll be okay.” He said softly. “I know.” You mumbled. “Nothing that happens in there happens out here okay. If you want to come out just take off the head set.” He said softly. “Mmm.” You hummed. It wasn’t long before you were in Joey’s world, it looked a lot like mars you assumed because she never got to go on that mission. You heard her appear behind you, though you weren’t expecting someone as large as she was. “Ms Coupet.” You greeted. “You look nervous.” She noted. “I don’t like VR.” You explained as you looked around “my name (Y/N).” “I know who you are. You and your boyfriend.” She cut you off making herself smaller as she looked at “your boyfriend was hired to work with the DoD, he the teen prodigy. Dr. Gold keeps me in the loop. It’s been a while since I heard from him though.” “Because he doesn’t know what to say to you.” You answered. “The programme was shut down and they don’t think that they will ever get a cure.” “They don’t think?” Joey asked. “Caspian came here with the cure for you.” You answered. “So why am I talking to you from the TI server they set up for my family?” She asked. “I’m better with people, or so I’m told. We cut out the middle man, trust me when I say it better that the government doesn’t know the cure exists.” You shrugged “Caspian is looking for someone a god among UIs, someone who is willing to lead the rest, correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think that is something that you want.” “I’ve been evaluated before as a kid, everything in my life has been one test after another, only this time if I pass I get to leave and as a bonus if I don’t my family knows that I am going to lose my mind and die.” Joey argued, your hands clutched as your jeans. “I don’t mean to evaluate you, I just want to know what you want, I want to give you the cure, I think that you deserve it.” You answered “but I don’t want to lock you into anything that you don’t want. Speak to your family and then speak to Caspian, be honest because you can trust me when I say that you will get the cure either way.”

You pulled the helmet off your head, you looked at Mr Moretti “speak to her, this is a decision that should be made together.” You stood from the chair allowing him to sit as you stepped away. “You okay?” Caspian asked as you turned to him. You nodded. “I’ve decided that I hate it.” You informed him as he chuckled slightly “we need to talk in private.” You pulled him into the living room and gestured for Maddie to follow the two of you. “Joey knows who we are, you and me.” “The NSA guy must have told her, she’s going to tell them that we’re here.” Caspian whispered. “We don’t know that.” You argued. “What did you say to her?” Maddie asked. “The truth.” You answered. “There was no point in lying if she had been told everything already. That would serve to break her trust.” “She is right to be angry, it’s righteous anger, all they’ve done is keep her in the dark.” Maddie agreed as she looked at you. “Diplomats aren’t supposed to bite your head off.” Caspian argued. “Diplomats are brief if we have a second to explain everything-” The sound of the gun was distinct and easily recognisable as you pulled Maddie behind you facing Mr Moretti, who walked past you both the gun pointed as Caspian. “I want you to cure my wife.” He ordered. “I made a mistake coming here.” Caspian said, his eyes not leaving the gun. “Now! Or I swear to god I will kill you.” Mr Moretti ordered, Pasha on the other side of him, as scared of the rest of you, it was clear that this was his plan alone, you sat in the chair hands pressed to her eyes as she cried, your eyes travelled to the stairs where you knew the kids were this needed to end before they came downstairs. “That’s okay.” Caspian answered. “Caspian.” Maddie gasped as your grip tightened on her, he’s allowed to throw away his life but you can’t, you’d only had that talk this morning but it seemed a lifetime away now. “This is bigger than me, than any of us. Go ahead.” Caspian looked up at Mr Moretti, almost daring him to pull the trigger. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Mr Moretti asked. “I said do it!” Caspian ordered, Mr Moretti hit him causing him to fall to the floor, Maddie pushed past you to get to Caspian, you saw Mr Moretti reach out for her and pushed her further forward, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you in front of him. “What about her!?” Mr Moretti asked. “If Joey dies, you both die.” “Okay. All right. Don’t hurt her.” Caspian said as he slowly stood from his place on the floor, it was then that his grip loosened slightly it was enough for you to drive your elbow into his stomach, gun falling into your hand, immediately you emptied the magazine and pulled back the slide ejecting the bullet in the chamber. “I had no intention of leaving this house without giving your wife the cure, so try talking next time.” You grumbled as you looked at Caspian “give her the cure.” “(Y/N)-” “Caspian the cure.” You ordered, he knew you were angry you wouldn’t even look at him. You hear him move but the stop was abrupt. “Where is it?” Caspian asked. “Where is what?” Mr Moretti asked. “No more guns, you’ll only scare your kids.” You muttered as you handed it back to him, after getting the drive from the kids upstairs Caspian hooked himself up to the computer. “No funny business, I can see and hear everything that goes on in there.” Mr Moretti reminded him, Caspian didn’t say anything back. MIST then decided that she would not integrate with Joey and wanted to talk to Maddie much like a younger sister looking to her older sister for answers. “I don’t know what I can do.” Maddie answered honestly. “Just talk to her, I know it’s difficult but she is incredibly smart and incredibly young like someone else I know, the difference between her and you is experience.” You said softly. “Please.” Mr Moretti pleaded as he handed her another VR set.

Finally out of the house, Mr Moretti gave you some first aid materials to fix up Caspian. Once you were all on the back of the bus Maddie handed you everything as she shuffled over to the window to talk to MIST and you assumed to give you more space. “Can I clean that?” You asked. “Yeah.” He answered, turning to face you, bending slightly so that you could reach his forehead. You moved to sit on your knees and started your work in silence. “Hold this to the back of your neck.” You said softly as you handed him the ice pack. “(Y/N)-” “Don’t do that again.” Your voice was deflated, tired as you started cleaning the wound on his head. “Get pistol whipped? No promises.” He joked. “Don’t.” You ordered “you can’t ask me never to risk my life, tell me that you will always need me if you intend to risk yours by the end of the same day.” “I just didn’t want him to hurt you or Maddie.” He said softly, you pressed a small paster over the wound on his head. “What would be the point if you were gone!? You seem to forget that once you are gone, safety is gone, I’m alone.” Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked away from him. Caspian pulled your face back to look at him. “I’m sorry.” He said softly leaning down to press his forehead against yours not seemingly worried about the pain in his forehead, he closed his eyes for a second before pressing a kiss where your heads had been connected. “Promise.” You finally said. “Promise what?” He asked. “You'll never do that again.” You answered. “I promise.” He nodded. “Good.” You leaned forward pressing your lips to his in an urgent kiss, seeking something, craving something. Something you didn’t quite know how to describe but he answered you all the same, gentle reassurance and love. A physical promise to never leave you alone or disregard your feelings again. He pulled away and settled in the opposite window seat to Maddie pulling you with him. You didn’t talk but it was comfortable and warm for the first time since you had left Norway even if it was only for a little while.

Request Here!!

[wildwinterlunas]

Can we get some OW New Blood headcanons? Whether it be some type of angst, heartfelt, or lighthearted interactions between the group.

Ask and you shall receive!! It's been awhile since I've done some New Blood stuff so let's see what I can do. Let's start off with some head canons first.

The New Bloods are the biggest human help in getting Zarya to unlearn her prejudices against omnics, it's mostly by telling her their own experiences with the Crisis (and with Hana it's her experiences with the Gwishi). They also call her out if she does or says something in line with her prejudice.

Cassidy is giving them all stealth training cause holy shit he cannot be the only person on that team who knows how to stealth, Baptiste is close but Cassidy knows that Talon stealth training is not going to cut it.

On top of that Cassidy is also giving specific training to D.Va so if she has to fight outside of her Mech he knows he can handle herself.

All of them know about Pharah's crush on Angela, either being told by Pharah herself or from Cassidy complaining that Genji and Pharah are hopeless at romance (he's been dealing with this for a max of 14 years at this point, he's allowed to complain)

They are all in agreement that if they are on a mission in a Talon base, they need to steal as much equipment as possible, mainly focusing on medical supplies.

They all make strategies on how to best use their skills together. They also sometimes include other agents abilities as well.

Pharah is the least foul mouthed of the group, only really swearing outside of missions, the rest? Not so much. By far the people who swear most often are Cassidy and D.Va.

----------------------- Cassidy: So I hear you you and Angie where around each other a lot while she was in Cairo, anything happened? Pharah: We just... hang out, spent time together, nothing other then what we would usually do before. Cassidy: ....Fareeha it's been fourteen years, for the love of god please make a move that isn't just flirty banter. ----------------------- Zarya: I don't understand how you have so many fans. Why do people like to watch you play games that they can play themselves? D.Va: The same reason why people play the Olympics and other sports, cause they like to see other doing something they love! ----------------------- D.Va: Ok so what if I initiate Self Destruct and you shoot them when they get behind cover! That way no matter what we're still hitting them. Cassidy: I don't know, might be able to hit some of them but I doubt it would be worth riskin' the Mech. D.Va: Oh, OH! What about if Niran launches you into the air and you shoot them from above! Cassidy: Hey...That ain't half bad! ----------------------- Baptiste: You know, you should really get some rest, it's not good to overwork yourself. Pharah: Have you been talking with my mum? Cause if she did you should tell her to take her own advise. Baptiste: No, no, I noticed it myself. Though I do think it's funny that both Ana and Cole seem to have the same issue as you. Pharah: Well, it kinda runs if the family. ----------------------- Pharah: Hey Cole, did I tell you that Jean thought we were dating? Cassidy: Ew, what?! What made you think that?! Baptiste: You two just seemed to have a lot of history! I was curious! Pharah: Yeah, it was our history that made you curious, nothing else more personal. Baptiste: Fareeha, I swear to god- ----------------------- Pharah: You know, you and Brigitte remind me of Cole and Angela when they were younger. D.Va: Ugh, Cass said the same thing, but I know I'm way cooler then he is! Pharah: HA! He would have said the same but trust me, it's a compliment.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for lying to get my girlfriend’s mom’s blood?

So my (27M) girlfriend “Anna” (30F) has a really rare blood type- not saying it for privacy reasons (if I said it’d be really easy to track us down.) Her mum has compatible blood: Mum can give to Anna.

Mum’s been really terrible to Anna: generally cruel, etc, but in particular, Mum disapproves of Anna getting “frivolous” medical care- anything non-life-saving. My girlfriend needs frequent medical appointments to manage her chronic conditions, but Mum tells her to tough it out, she shouldn’t take the needless risk, etc. This has led to some permanent and preventable worsening in Anna’s condition.

Anna still tries to stay in touch with her Mum, but has told me several times that it’s “because she has no-one else”. After phone calls with Mum, Anna’s visibly upset, etc. I’ve tried to tell Anna that she should just stop talking to Mum, but she feels responsible for Mum. (Mum also has some mental health issues.)

A bunch of medical appointments later, Anna finds out she needs a blood transfusion. As aforementioned, Mum could be a donor. There aren’t really any other possible donors.

I know Mum won’t give Anna blood; this is non-immediately-fatal. I work at a local theater, so I get a bunch of my friends from there (some of whom are also Anna’s friends) and ask them to help me get blood for Anna.

Some friends help put together the scheme: we go to Mum, tell her Anna’s in a car crash and needs blood right away, and prep her so the doctor’s actual words don’t tip her off (to some extent, playing on her paranoia).

It works. I haven’t told Anna about my doing it; she already feels terrible about ‘imposing a burden” on Mum, and it definitely isn’t her fault that I did the scheme.

I’d do it again in a heartbeat, but one friend came up to me and told me they had regrets. “We exploited a vulnerable woman,” they said. I think Anna deserves to get this from her Mum; Mum’s a bad person and lying was the only way to get the blood.

But here I am, so I guess I’m feeling some guilt. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[rustingcat]

Season

Nature can't be controlled. Kara did try on several occasions, but time and the passing of the seasons can't be stopped. She tried that as well.

The babies' growth was nearly complete, and Kara felt like no time had passed while also feeling like it's been ages. Everything was ready for them, and now with a new room available for them in the house, they even made sure that the new home office doubled as a play room if needed. Of course there was the reason for the addition, the reason being Kara officially moving into Lena's room, their room. 

Their new relationship status sure changed some things, she could wake up next to Lena each morning, kiss her whenever she liked, not feel guilty appreciating her – an act she did not even realise she was doing until she stopped – and just got to be open with her, fully open with her, in ways she couldn't before. But then on many fronts nothing had changed at all, their talks, dates, movie nights, their day to day life felt oddly the same, as if they were part way there and just needed the last little shove, which was probably true if Kara was honest with herself.

There were no major life threatening enemies, no major scandal, no political turmoil – all good things of course, but as the editor-in-chief of a major news company, Kara was bored. She was leaning against the office balcony hoping for something interesting to happen when her special alert went off.

The pods!

Kara was so excited about it that she managed to drop her phone twice while trying to unlock it. Opening the special app they made for the matrix, she saw the notification letting her know that pod number two was ready to be opened.

"Nia! You're gonna be a mum!" Kara may have run slightly faster than humanly possible to get to Nia's desk.

"Um, I know?" She replied in a confused tone.

"No, like right now!" Kara emphasised.

"Oh! Shit let's go!" Nia jumped to her feet, collecting things into her bag in a quick succession.

"Want a lift?"

"Yes, get me there as fast as you can! Oh wait, I need the baby bag."

"Brainy left it in the lab 5 days ago."

"God, I love this man. Okay, take me to my baby Kara!"

"Ahhh! Let's go!" She was practically jumping with pure glee.

Kara really tried to make Nia's flight as comfortable as possible, but she may have gone a bit faster than intended out of sheer excitement. Nia didn't seem to mind. 

The pod was indeed flashing green, both Lena and Brainy were already typing away on the console.

"How…?" 

"Teleporter," Lena answered before Kara could even ask.

"Anything we can do?" Nia asked in a plea.

"Kara, get the baby cart and beds, Nia, blankets." Lena quickly took control of the situation. "Brainy, how are we doing on starts?"

"First Apgar seems to be clean. Blood work is perfect and shots administered and I see no negative reactions. She's perfect."

"Alright, get ready for the drain."

Kara nodded, taking a quick x-ray look at the pipes to see they are properly connected before taking her place. They prepared for that in advance, practicing the events several times just in case. They even made sure the room temperature would be slightly higher than normal so it wouldn't contrast too much from the temperature in the pod. The water got drained slowly, revealing a tiny little light green skinned baby with a shaggy brown patch of hair. Kara collected the infant with the soft towel to drain away the remaining liquid and moved her to the blanket Lena had prepared in advance.

Kara passed the baby to her new mother who was already crying before she even held her. Brainy was not faring better, drying away his own tears on his sleeve as he stood behind his wife and admired his new daughter.

Kara shared a look with Lena. They smiled at each other, both relieved everything went alright, and just very thrilled for their friends. Friends who probably deserved a moment alone.

"I'm gonna make some calls to start your maternity leave," Kara announced as she headed to the door.

"I'll call the national city hospital to register her." Lena lifted her own phone from across the lab door." Just before I go, does she have a name yet?" Lena asked still in a professional tone just as she approached the door.

Nia and Brainy shared a joyful look.

"Nellie. Nellie Nal." Brainy announced. 

Lena exited the room with her just as Kara finished sending the mail to HR. She already had hers prepare in advance as well, along with a temporary replacement she was training.

"I can't believe she's here." Lena dropped her professional in control act the moment she met Kara's gaze.

"I know," Kara nodded, her eyes becoming blurry as she pulled Lena for a hug.

She held her girlfriend tightly, focusing herself on Lena's smell and touch to ground herself. They noticed Nellie's faster development early on, they hypothesised it was due to her Coluan genes, so they knew she would probably be born before the twins, but Kara couldn't help but be a little bit jealous she was here before them.

"Alright," Lena wiped away a small tear as they pulled away from the hug. "I should probably notify the hospital," she gestured to the phone and data pad in her hand.

Kara nodded, and put a small curl behind Lena’s ear.

Lena smiled and kissed her softly before walking away to make the call.

Kara filled out a couple of glasses with water and walked back in the lab, hoping the young couple had enough alone time with their daughter. Nellie was laying on top of her mother as her father prepared a bottle for her. Kara melted a bit at the sight.

Nia noticed her first, smiling as she whispered to her daughter. "Hey Nellie, do you want to meet your aunt Kara?"

And there were the tears again. Nellie was perfect indeed. Eyes closed, the little infant waved her little hand with her even tinier fingers and Kara's heart skipped a bit.

She looked at Nia dead in the eye and announced, "she is the cutest little thing ever."

Nia chuckled and agreed.

When Lena returned they did another set of small tests and sent the happy family home.

Lena pulled her closer that night and promised that they'll meet them soon. Kara couldn't wait.

Read everything in order on AO3

[seblaineworld]

Hey, Seblainers! Hellooooo, everyone else!

A big life update...

First of all, I'm truly sorry that this is the first time I've posted since Mum went into Hospital. In total since my last post, my Mum has actually spent the sum of 5 days when she was NOT in Hospital...

She sustained a wound when she fell out of bed, and because she is a Type 2 Diabetic it has been healing very slowly and has become infected several times, resulting in my normally sharp as a tack Mum, having temporary confusion and feeling disorientated, which has been so upsetting to witness.

She turned 84, 2 days after being discharged for the third time, and fell into a Diabetic Coma the very next night due to her blood sugar not being properly regulated, which was possibly the scariest night of my entire life, and was terrifying to witness, so the decision was made to take her off her previous oral Diabetic medication and put her on Insulin...That's been a huge learning curve for everyone concerned, and hard to adjust to on top of everything else...

You've all been truly wonderful with your heartfelt messages of support and Love, and I'm incredibly grateful for each and every one. Nobody has come back to me with a date for us to have 10 Days Of Seblaine 2024, and I genuinely thought that I was going to be in a position to host the event, and keep up with my commitments to Mum, but sadly, it's just no longer sustainable...

I've already had to have several of my staff take over many of my own classes so that I can spend as much time as possible with Mum, which has been hard for my students and even harder for me, but again, I'm truly grateful for all the support I'm being given. Until yesterday, I still thought I was going to be able to make time to host 10 Days Of Seblaine 2024 before the end of this year, but I now feel that is an impossible ask..

I'm conscious that I should ALSO be hosting Seblainiversary Weekend 2024 starting tomorrow, but I just can't do it, folks. I know I'm letting you all down so badly, and my heart is breaking having to make this post, but I really hope you can all understand my position. Ysterday, having literally taken the dishes through to wash them after giving her her lunch, I walked back into the living-room to find Mum having some kind of seizure, with a temperature of 41 Celsius, and obviously, I called an Ambulance and she has been readmitted.

Turns out the wound has now become Grade 4, and a secondary infection has set in. She's now on Antibiotics to clear it. I'm sad and upset and frustrated and have cried a great many tears, because of a few medical missteps that have taken place during the last few months, but I need to stay strong for my Mum.

Mum's feisty and a fighter, and all she wants is to feel well again, and as she puts it - to feel completely normal, but she's having such a difficult time, as am I.

Once again, I'm truly so, so sorry that I've completely let you all down. If someone has time to take over the Seblainer event hosting duties until I can take over the reins again, please message me. The last thing I wanted was for our tiny (but always fierce!) Seblainer Fandom to miss out on what's always a fun time, where our many talented Seblainers get their chance to shine. But I just don’t have anything left in me to host anything for the time-being, because I'm literally running on empty..

I love you all so much, and again, thank you for the many, many messages of Love, support, and encouragement that you've all sent me.

Ail 💜

[pucksandpower]

Hii Nat!! I have a strange medical question

So basically ever since I got my period I've always had issues with putting in tampons, originally I used to put it straight up but was then told it had to be inserted at an angle. either way it was always really painful no matter if i did it right or not (on one occasion i had my mum in the bathroom with me while i tried putting one in and burst into tears because of how badly it hurt)

I recently got a referral to a gynaecologist and saw her earlier this month, i explained everything i pretty much put on here just a little more extensive and with a separate issue of birth control. Anyway she ended up doing a swab test for thrush and it still hurt so bad to the point i nearly cried again. afterwards she explained how my hymen is potentially an 'imperforate hymen' and that the thrush hasn't made it any better either and that when i go in for my operation for my IUD she'll check and potentially break it for me.

The only issue is that after the appointment i did an extensive search on google, which i know i technically shouldn't trust as its unreliable in some cases, but an imperforate hymen would mean that the likelihood of having a normal menstrual cycle is slim to none and so i'm wondering if it is definitely an imperforate hymen or is there a different type that she meant and i simply misheard her.

I know this probably makes no sense but im just a bit confused at the moment. I would ask her but she hasn't called me about my upcoming surgery, which still hasn't been booked, nor about my results from my failed attempt at a swab test

Hi, my love! That totally makes sense, and I get why you would be confused. You’re absolutely right that a true imperforate hymen would block menstrual blood from coming out, so it’s unlikely that’s what she meant if you’ve had regular periods. More commonly, people can have a microperforate hymen (a very small opening) or a septate hymen (extra bands of tissue that make the opening narrower), which can cause the kind of pain you’re describing with tampons or exams.

It sounds like she was using “imperforate” a bit loosely, but either way, she seems to think there’s some extra tissue making things more difficult for you. If she’s planning to check and possibly remove it during your IUD procedure, that could help a lot.

As for your results and surgery scheduling, it’s frustrating that she hasn’t followed up yet — maybe try calling the office and asking about both? You totally deserve to have clarity on what’s going on.

[daydreamsandafternoonteafics]

Let's Pretend It's Love-Chapter 2

banner by ren

I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut, could I?

This certainly wasn’t the first time in my life I’d told a lie. When I was four I’d told Mum that Penny had broken the crystal vase she loved dearly when in reality it was my grimy hands that had done the deed. When I was ten I’d tricked my class mates into thinking I was blood related to the Queen and at seventeen I’d lovingly convinced my best friend that the pouffy, peach colored dress she chose to wear to formal didn’t make her look fat when indeed it did.

But the lie I’d told Mum and Penny earlier that week was probably the hardest to get out of.

I wasn’t the type of girl to get into committed relationships. Casual dating was more so my thing. You know, dinner, drinks, a movie, perhaps a little snogging (if I was lucky, more) and a broken promise to call in a couple of days.

If fact, I can’t even remember the last time I’d gone on a date with a guy more than twice. Mum assumed it was simply because I couldn’t get a guy to stick around long enough but honestly, long term relationships just didn’t appeal to me.

Now that I’d made them think I’ve had a boyfriend for sometime now, there’s no way they’d let it go. I could hope and pray that the hullabaloo of Penny’s wedding would make them forget it but the chances were rather slim. Especially with my history regarding boys.

That left me with two choices.

Plan A: I could either confess and go back to being the lonely, cat loving loser I am

Or

Plan B: I could quickly snag a boyfriend

Plan B sounds like my best bet.

“You’re late.” Jessa’s cheerful voice rang as I entered the shop, the brass bell ringing behind me. She didn’t even have to turn her back to know it was me straggling in late. After all, it was Saturday and only she and I were on shift.

“I know, but I came with coffee and a cinnamon scone so I reckon I’ll be excused.” I replied with a smile as I sat the cardboard drink tray down on the store’s counter before shrugging off my jacket and joining her behind the cash register.

It seemed like I’d been forever since I started working at the little shoe shop. In my second year of Uni, my parents had decided that it was far too expensive to pay college tuition and flat expenses for both Penny and I. I was the oldest(by thirty minuets) so they encouraged me “take responsibility” and get a job.

Lucky for me, Jessa and I had become good friends and her parents owned a little shoe shop that specialized in leather goods. They didn’t blink to hire me. After Uni Jessa’s parents retired and she took over the shop. I on the other hand had no idea what to do with my English degree so I simply stayed put.

Even luckier for me, things were getting rather hectic for Jessa running the shop by herself so she’d moved me up to a manager position. It wasn’t the job that I’d dreamed of but it was just enough to put clothes on my back, a roof over my head, food on the table( or rather many boxes of take away) and occasionally buy fancy feast for my cat. Plus it was really nice to work with someone I had a close friendship with.

Jessa’s eyes lit up as she spun around to face me. “Blond roast, three packets of sugar and extra cream?” She questioned.

I nodded. “Just how you like it.” I replied extending the coffee and pastry to my friend.

Jess eagerly accepted it but narrowed her light brown eyes at me warily.

“I appreciate it, Love but quite frankly I’m a little scared.” Jess declared before taking a sip of coffee.

“What makes you say that?” I asked greedily biting into a blueberry scone I’d gotten for myself.

“Because you’re coming in with scones and coffee and let’s be real, you never do that unless I ask you to. And on top of that, you’re in a hella decent mood for it to be 9:30.”

I shrugged. “Maybe, I just felt like surprising my lovely best friend this morning, that’s all.” I replied sweetly. Okay, so maybe I did have a hidden agenda.

We munched on our breakfast in silence for a while. Jess and I had that kind of friendship where we didn’t always have to always talk. When I had finished devouring the rest of my scone, I brushed the crumbs off my fingers and sighed.

“Jess, do you happen to have any male friends that are single?” I asked innocently, hoping to ease my way into the conversation whilst stirring another packet of sugar in my coffee. Jessa started at me incredulously as she began unlocking the cash register. We was about 7 minuets left until opening time.

“Maybe. Why?” She retorted. I bit the corner of my lip hoping to make up a good excuse.

“Well, I was just hoping to get back on the dating scene again. It’s been a while you know.” I replied.

“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” Jess accused pointing the cash register keys as If they were some kind of weapon. I held hands up in surrender.

“Jessa, please. I really need a boyfriend right now.” I pleaded. For the first time in my life I was desperate for a guy and for all the wrong reasons.

Jess raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at me as she moved from behind the counter and turned the the store’s sign around to let customers know we were now open.

“So much for being single and independent.” She mumbled.

“Well, how about being single and ready to mingle?” I suggested which earned me another side eye from Jessa. She was going to break me down of it was the last thing she did.

“Okay, Jess. I said something stupid. I said something bloody stupid.” I confessed. Jessa frowned slightly, joining me behind the cash register.

“What’d you get yourself into this time?” She asked folding her arms across her chest.

I sighed. “Mum and Penny and I had lunch Wednesday and Penny announced her engagement and then Mum said I couldn’t get a boyfriend and so I kinda told them I had one and now they want to meet him."I blurted.

Jess started at me, a disapproving expression settling on her pretty face.

Jessa was like a Twenty-something year old mother to me. She was the voice of reason, always there to coach me through the stupid situations I got my self into.

"Jess, I was angry and I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to prove them wrong once.” I whined.

“So now you need a boyfriend to cover up the lie you told?” Jessa asked.

See, this is exactly why we’re friends. She understands my motives no matter how ludicrous they may be.

“Yes! Exactly!” I shouted. My friend shrugged.

“Well, I don’t exactly know where you’re going to find a bloke that’ll make you his girlfriend on the spot. You can try Tinder.” Jess replied with a shrug.

I sighed. “And make my self available to thousands of potential ax murders? I don’t think so .” I replied folding my arms across my chest.

Jessa reached over giving me a friendly pat on the back.

“The right guy will come in due time, Pres.” She assured me.

I sighed. “That’s the thing Jess. I don’t have time.”

Our conversation was cut short by the brass bell of the shop ringing indicating our first customer of the day.

“G'morning Jessamine, Presley.” Rang that familiar, slightly raspy voice. The defining sound of his old boots were enough to give me a headache as he sauntered toward the counter.

Harry Styles was Jess’ favorite customer and the only person in the world who would dare call her Jessamine. He was our age, tall and lanky with legs that seemed to go on for days that were usually accentuated by black skinny jeans.

He had the oddest sense of fashion which mostly consisted of flamboyantly printed shirts. His mum obviously didn’t teach him the use of buttons either because he hardly seemed to use them on the shirts that he wore.

Harry’s love for boots came as no surprise. The only thing her ever brought in the store had something to do with boots. Shoe laces for boots, polish for his leather boots, wrinkles removed from his boots, cleaner for his suede boots, you name it.

Jessa grinned. “Hiya, Harry. What can we do for you today?” She asked.

Harry ran a hand through his wild curls.

“I reckon I’m in need of a polish.” He replied.

I’m not quite sure what made Harry Jess’ favorite customer. He was nice enough and cute enough so I guess those were good enough reasons.

Hmmm. Harry was rather easy on the eyes and he did seem to be rather fond of Jess and I. I think I’m starting to get a wicked idea.

“Do you want to buy more polish? We could always do it for you.” Jessa suggested .

“I’m not doing anything. I’ll do it.” I volunteered myself much to Jess’ surprise and dismay. She usually catered to Harry’s customer needs.

“If you don’t mind, then sure.” Harry agreed. For about the third time that day I’d earned a side eye from Jessa. She knows I’m up to something and I have a feeling this something just might work.

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Twenty-Four - Part B

A/n: Hey, Part B is finally here!! It was a struggle to write but I'm so grateful to know that a lot of you were looking forward to it! Means so much. Again, like the previous part, this will be a collection of flashbacks! Please read the warnings on this one! Hope you enjoy x

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Lots of swearing as per usual, talks and acts of violence, abuse and sexual assault mentioned, description of sick/blood

Masterlist

“London?”

I nodded, eyes fixed firmly on the hands I held in my lap.

“London?!” Matty exclaimed again, only louder this time. He’d stopped pacing to stare down at me. The rest of the boys who had gathered on the sofa were all strangely quiet.

“Yeah, Matty. London.”

“The fuck she want to send you there for?” He argued back, and although I knew his anger wasn’t directed towards me, rather the situation at hand, I still couldn’t quite look him in the eye. 

Things at home had gotten… worse. Not that I’d ever let them know. And although I didn’t want to leave the lads for the summer, I didn’t think I could handle staying there another second longer.

“My nan’s down there. Reckons it’ll be good for me, to get away.” I told him in reply, unable to help the small shrug I gave before I begun biting at a loose thumbnail, “It’ll only be for a week or so.”

“But, but what about the EP? And our gigs!” Matty fought back and, honestly, I was all too thankful for the moment when I heard Hann intercept the start of what would only be another long spiel.

“It’s not like she can really tell her mum no, mate. Besides, it’s like she said, it won’t be for long. We’ll still have the rest of the summer.”

Hann looked around at the rest of the boys, hoping to see their nods. He sighed when Matty only continued on, as though he hadn’t even said a word.

“You can stay here! Lou’ll be in Spain with Dad, Mum’s still filming so she won’t even notice- not that she’d mind.” Matty started to plan, glancing towards the rest of the room for some sort of approval. “It’s a good idea, ain’t it? That way, we can all still be together.”

I exhaled, not quite a sigh, “And what do I tell my mum, when my nan phones her up and asks why I’m not there?”

Matty groaned in agitation. “Tell her to piss off! And that you’re spending the summer with your mates.”

I wish it was as easy as that.

“Matt.” Ross cut in with a certain gruffness that made Matty pause. Ross turned towards me afterwards but I couldn’t force myself to look back at him, eyes trained somewhere to the left of his head.

Ross wasn’t stupid, I knew that much. In fact, none of the boys were. But Ross was also obnoxiously observant, more so than most, and I knew that during the last few months he’d been taking notice of more things than not. He was catching on. Brushing off my excuses. Listening to the lies I weaved into truths and narrowing his eyes. He knew something was up.

“B,” He called to me- short for George’s nickname I supposed, but he hardly ever used it. My eyes skitted between his own, then away again in fear he’d be able to see it all written as plain as day across my face. “Listen, if you wanna go down to London, then go. Ignore this twat-“ Matty squawked indignantly. “The band stuff, the gigs, they’ll all still be here when you get back.” The ‘we’ll still be here’ went unsaid, but it was heard. “Only a few weeks, just like you said. If your mum wants you down there, must be a reason, ey?”

I wiggled my jaw. If only it was that simple, I thought, but simply shrugged again. “‘Spose.”

“What, so you actually wanna go?” Matty cut in, looking almost betrayed, always one for the dramatics. “Just leave us here, when everything’s finally fallin’ into place?”

I frowned at him, “No, I don’t wanna go. But-” I don’t want to stay in that house any longer.

“Exactly! Just tell her that then, babe!” Matty rushed out before I could even think of an end to that sentence, “She’ll understand, let you stay, and then we can have the entire summer, yeah?”

He was grinning so wide, it was hard to do anything but just nod in defeat. Ross and Hann shook their heads at him as they huffed and drew themselves up onto their feet.

“Alright, can we get to startin’ practice now then or is this family meeting still happening?” Hann not so subtly suggested, quirking a brow at the lot of us. I was just grateful for the opportunity to cut my loses and run, Ross was already moving over towards the amp, and Matty was nodding his hasty agreement.

“Gonna grab some drinks first though.” The curly haired singer added, and he darted out of the garage before Hann could stop him. I chuckled under my breath at Adam’s pained expression and settled further into the settee, making myself comfortable there. It was then that I caught George’s eye though and he jerked his head over towards the driveway, a quiet indication.

I chewed on the inside of my lip before I ultimately nodded, holding back a sigh. He got up first and then I followed, ignoring Hann’s exasperated huff and the lingering look I felt from Ross.

I thought that’d been it, the London topic dropped. But luck was never on my side and even though I had no idea what George would possibly have to say on the subject, I could see that he’d been far too quiet in there. Something was coming.

He wandered a way away from the garage door, slipping round the side of the house and towards the garden gate before he finally stopped, pausing to settle against the low brick wall there. It was a place we often favoured whenever we wanted a breath away from the others, sheltered by overhanging trees and bushes, you could sort of feel invisible there.

George was quiet even as he tugged an already opened pack from his jean pocket and plucked a cigarette from its case. On impulse I pulled out my lighter and flicked it open for him, lighting the end like I usually did.

“How’s Steven doing?” He asked rather abruptly, so much so that a wad of spit caught in the back of my throat at the question and I had to fight not to choke.

“Why the fuck are you asking me that?” I retorted, swallowing harshly and catching my breath.

He didn’t look at me, eyes hard and focused on the opposing wall. He shrugged a shoulder lazily, but I knew better. “You never mentioned London.”

“And what the hell has my mum’s dick of a boyfriend got to do with London?” I sputtered back heatedly, already knowing the answer.

George levelled me with a look and inhaled slowly, gaze finding mine.

“You know what.”

I scowled and folded my arms promptly across my chest. “Fuck you.”

He rolled his eyes at my reaction and billowed out a breath of smoke above us, handing me the fag in quiet offering. I shook my head. He sighed.

“I thought-”

He tried, but I quickly shut him down, “Fuck what you thought, you don’t know a thing.”

George held a single hand up in mock surrender, ash falling with it. I steeled my gaze on the thick cement tiles below us.

“Not claiming to, Birdie.” George said in his usual tone, unaware of what that nickname of his did to me. “But I know something’s up. Reckon the guys are noticing things too.”

I rubbed the curve of my arm subconsciously, knowing there was truth in his words.

“What do you want me to say?” I asked exhaustedly, all the fight I typically had had been drained from me. 

The question had been mostly rhetorical, but George wasn’t the type to care. “The truth.” He answered and I could feel his stare trained on me now.

“The truth?” I scoffed tiredly, the bitten flesh of cheek I so often ground between my teeth was scarred, bumpy as I pressed my tongue to it and thought the whole thing over.

‘Truth’ was something we’d taken to using for a while now, in the buzzing hum of our frequented cafe, within the confines of the shed at the end of my garden, sprawled on his bedsheets whilst getting high. It’d started after a small falling out I’d had with Vicky a few months prior and had continued on almost unconsciously.

Now though, I didn’t know what to tell him, what truth to acknowledge. What he wanted to hear.

George mimicked the low hum I made, cigarette pressed between his lips but otherwise unmoving. “Who’s idea was London then?”

“His.”

We both knew who I was talking about.

“Right.” George nodded once, “She just agreed then?”

She, being my mum. I dipped my chin, a silent confirmation.

His thumb was tapping away at the jut of his knee now, a rhythmic tic I often stilled with a hand covering his own. I couldn’t find it in myself to reach out and touch him now though.

“Why’s he want you gone?”

In truth, I really didn’t know. Maybe I’d gotten too much. Perhaps he’d gotten fed up.

“Think he has better things in mind than having me hang ‘round all summer.”

“You want to go?”

I let his question hang there for a moment. I was toeing two sides of the line with my answer. To go would be easier on everyone, I’d see my Nana, get to explore a whole other city, and have the chance to escape them. But being away also meant leaving the boys.

George didn’t mind not hearing my verbal reply, I think he already knew my answer. He just wanted to be sure of it. He went on, “My mum’s back in town next week.”

A truth for a truth.

“You never mentioned it.” I said, picking at a fraying edge on my denim shorts.

He gave a slow shrug, “You never mentioned London.”

“Only found out a couple days ago.” He raised a brow in return, thinning his lips. I sighed, “Alright, I should’ve said something sooner but I was thinking it over.”

George hummed, “Dad only told me this mornin’.”

Maybe that’s why he’d been so reserved since we’d met up. The whole way to Matty’s he’d barely spoken a word, but I’d been overly anxious, knowing I was planning to tell them about London, which meant that I’d been talking a mile a minute- an attempt I often used to cover it. 

“What are you gonna do?” I asked him, peering up at his solemn features through a lock of fallen hair. 

“What I always do. Stay out of her way.” He told me honestly before he took a longer drag. I watched his chest rise with it, observed how his eyes fluttered slightly. He was always so interesting to watch.

“Could come to London with me. Hide out there.” I offered and was met with the slight quirk to his mouth, he was amused by my words. “I’m serious!” I reiterated and bumped a shoulder against his arm, “Me and you. Together. Nana loves strays.”

George just laughed at that and I couldn’t help the soft smile I made at the sound. “Sod off.” He told me around a chuckle, “London does sound nice though, be good for you I reckon.”

“For us.” I insisted, the idea fully lodging its way into my brain now. “Come on, G. Don’t you think it’d be fun?”

“Yeah sure, but the wrath Matty would rain down on us fucking won’t be.” George snorted, shaking his head at me softly.

“So?” I pestered again, shuffling round on the wall to face him properly, shin pressing against his outer thigh. He glanced down at it and then away, inhaling again. “I can phone her when I get in,”

“Phone who?” George interrupted just as my fingers found the flannel he’d thrown on that same morning. I toyed with it, rolling my eyes.

“My Nana! Keep up.” I huffed at him, “I’ll phone her, ask if she’d be okay with you coming along too and you can just tell the guys you’re being held hostage by your mum, she wants family time, forcing you to go and see an aunt or summat.”

George was wearing this barely there smirk, one I recognised as a crack in his usual stoic resolve. I was wearing him down.

“Think about it, G… You can avoid your mum and waste half your summer away with me.”

I raised my brows at him, hopeful, but he just stared back at me.

“And what would I tell my dad, my mum?” He retorted, finally stubbing out the end of his cigarette and flicking the butt of it into the soil behind us.

“Tell your dad we’re going camping. All of us. And we can leave before your mum gets in.” I explained, in full out planning mode now. I could see it all coming together in my head and tugged on the cuff of his sleeve in excitement. “Come on, G. Please? Be our little secret.”

George’s gaze trailed over my face, his expression as serious as my own. “You really mean it, don’t you?”

I tilted my head, confused by his sentiment. “Of course I do. If I could, I’d take you everywhere with me. It’s us against the world, G. Always.”

He cracked the tiniest of smiles, an action I knew he had no control over, and it only seemed to grow as I matched it. I had him.

“So we’re really doing this then?” He breathed out in amused disbelief. I nodded with a painfully large grin as I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning in closer.

“Best believe it.” I replied just as he knocked his forehead against mine. Both of us unable to bite back our smiles.

“London.” George whispered.

“London.” I mimicked, marvelling at the very idea of it.

To think, I’d been dreading this entire conversation. How things so quickly changed.

And change they would…

—

“Yeah, yeah!” I prattled away, hardly holding back my anticipation. 

I’d been back barely five minutes before I’d hurried over to the landline, having snuck in through the back gate and shuffled up the drainpipe to my bedroom. I’d waited until I heard the front door slam then made a run for it, scurrying down the stairs and almost throwing the phone off its hook in my hurry. I had half hour until mum was due back from wherever she usually pissed off to, and didn’t have to worry about Old Steven seeing me as he’d just left for the pub.

“‘Course I’m excited, Nana. Haven’t seen you in ages!” I told the older woman, warmly, through the phone, twirling the chord around my finger as I did. 

She was rambling away now, had been ever since I’d said hello. She’d been gruff in her answer at first, having thought I was one of those poxy telemarketers she could often never shake, but was over the moon to know it’d been me once she’d heard my voice. 

Apparently she was rather excited to know that I was coming down to visit, though she hadn’t heard a word of it until I’d brought it up then- fucking mum. Still, she told me she’d set up the spare room and let my aunt know too, she sounded just as pleased as me. It was then that I thought it best to try and bring up George.

“Aunt Del will be so pleased to see you, love. Have to cook up something proper for when you arrive too, won’t I?” 

I smiled fondly at her voice, her heavy accent so different to mine. “Don’t have to go to too much trouble for me, nan.”

“Oh bugger off, you daft cow! My granddaughter’s comin’ to see me, I’ll do as I please.” Nana scoffed and I bit back a giggle.

“Alright.” I appeased her, then she asked what day I’d be heading off. I thought it over for a second, knowing that G’s mum was due back Sunday night, so that morning probably gave us enough time to set off and make the train. “Sunday, Nana.” I replied and she hummed, but before she could say anything in actual reply I was quick to mention the deal-breaker. “Actually Nana, whilst I still have you, I um, I was meant to ask you something. Just, I don’t want to put you out or nothing…”

“Sweet, you’d best spit whatever ask you have out ‘fore you swallow your own tongue. I ain’t gettin’ any younger and the days ain’t gettin’ any longer. So out with it.” She demanded. She was just as I remembered, headstrong to a fault and overly blunt. The woman said what she pleased and if you didn’t like that then you’d simply have to deal with it, nowt to do with her.

I huffed a mirthful chuckle, “Sorry.”

“None of that now, sunshine. Tell me what you’re after.”

“See, I have this friend…”

“Oh, a friend, is it? Let me guess, this friend of yours, they headed down my way too?” She never missed a thing that woman, I’ll give her that.

“Might be.”

Nana laughed and I could hear her shuffling about, probably in the kitchen from the sound of pots clinking in the background. “Just like your father, I tell you. Cheek on the pair of ya.”

My heart caught at her words, no one spoke of my dad. To hear that I was similar to him in any way, well that paused my whirling mind for a split second. 

Though to my Nana, it had just been an off handed comment, a slip of the tongue, because she was already breezing on by whilst I fought to catch up.

“Tell me about this friend of yours then. They nice? Treat you well?” Nana pestered, last she knew of my life here up North was my closeness with Vicky and my lingering eyes which were often casted towards her older brother, Jamie. How things had changed.

I smiled at the questions and thought of George. He was a hard person to describe in truth. There wasn’t a thing I disliked about him. There were things that annoyed me about him, sure- he was one of few people who knew exactly what buttons to press- but describing George, well it sort of felt like describing myself. That, plus, I didn’t want to give too much away.

“He’s nice, Nana.”

She hummed and I heard the sweet drawl to it, as though she was grasping at something. The sound made me flush a tad. “He’s nice, is he?”

Put my foot right in it there. Could’ve tried getting away with it by being vague, have her think it was a girl ’til George’s ginormous self gangled his way through her door, but nope.

“Yup.” I popped back, too far gone to backtrack now. 

My feelings towards George were honestly a confusing mountain of mess, but they had yet to make me force him away. Hearing my nan allude to something of the like did not help at all.

“Hm, and he’s wantin’ to follow after you, is he? Down ‘ere to see little old me.”

I shook my head even though she couldn’t see. “It were my idea. I-”

She stopped me short, “No need to explain, dove. He sounds like a very nice friend, this boy. One you’d like to keep near I assume?” I hummed noncommittally and could hear her devious smile, “Handsome is he?”

“Nana.” I droned out, regretting ever having even mentioned it now. Should’ve just surprised her, at least then she wouldn’t be teasing me like this. Actually, scrap that. That was a complete lie. She so fucking would.

“‘Course he can come along, love.” She allowed, relenting with her teasing a tad, or so I thought. “Just got the one spare room though, so if you don’t mind putting up with him for a couple nights… or I ‘spose I could just make up the sofa.”

“Whatever’s easiest for you, Nana. And thank you. I,” I inhaled slowly, the sound sharp in the quiet of the house, “I really do appreciate it, you putting me up and that.”

“Nonsense. Always worryin’ ‘bout you up there, that mother of yours never phones.” Nana tutted. If she only knew that half of it, I thought to myself. “But anyway darlin’, there’s nothin’ to thank me for, only way you could is with a pack of Rothmans Blue- Superking, mind.”

I snorted to myself, “Consider it done. Sunday paper, too?”

“Oh, you know me so well. Daily mail, none of that other shite.”

I mouthed the last few words as she spoke them, knowing that they’d be coming, and grinned when I was right. 

“‘Course not.” I said with a smile, “If you need anything else picking up, call this time Saturday, yeah?”

“You got a schedule or somethin’ there, lovie?” Nana joked, laughing lightly even as my own smile faltered slightly.

“Something like that.” I murmured, then thought I heard the key turn in the front door. 

My head snapped towards the sound, sheltering the phone against my shoulder to listen in closer. 

Yeah, someone was definitely home. 

Wary, I hurried to say my goodbyes, “Listen Nana, think that’s mum headed in now with the shopping. I’d best go and help her.”

“Shoppin’? This late?” Nana questioned but I was already standing, bouncing from foot to foot, praying to every star in the night sky that it was mum and not Steven.

“Yeah, she had a late shift tonight. Is that alright, Nana? I’ll call before I leave Sunday, okay?”

I was fretting now, heart racing as the door hinges begun to squeak.

“‘Course it is, love. Say hello to your mum too, won’t ya, sweetheart? And I’ll see you Sunday.”

“I will, love you.” I rushed out and was left with the beginnings of a smile when I heard her parrot it back to me. I hung up just as the front door slammed closed and jumped towards the kitchen sink like a trapeze artist would a free-falling rope. More than grateful to see that there were a few cups littering the basin.

I was washing up just as she walked in, I heard her paused in the archway, probably surprised to see me down here.

“What you doin’ that for?” She asked me and I glanced over my shoulder, holding back a shaky breath whilst I flashed her smile.

“Just thought I’d be helpful, mum.” I replied and turned back to the task at hand to subtly release the balloon of air that’d been swelling in my chest.

She hummed indifferently and tossed her purse down onto the kitchen table, “Steve in?”

I shook my head, “Wasn’t here when I got back.” Liar.

“Right.” She worked her jaw, staring off into space before she headed over towards the fridge, plucking up a cider. “Gonna run a bath, back’s been killin’ me. You alright to make your own tea?”

I swallowed back the hollow laugh that wanted to escape me, I always fixed my own tea. Did everything myself. “Yeah, mum.” I told her instead of voicing that though, choosing not to glance her way again.

“Right.” She repeated and then I heard nothing for a few beats before her feet were wandering out of the kitchen again and up the stairs.

I let myself slump against the counter as I listened to her disappear, hands covered in soap duds and not caring for the water that dripped its way down my forearm. I let my eyes fall close for a brief minute. That’d been too close for my liking.

—

I told George of the talk I’d had with my nan, along with the plan, the next day. We’d leave about nine, Sunday morning, to try and make it to London before the rush of lunch, and my Aunt Del would then pick us up from the station soon after.

We’d been sat on the school playing fields, waiting for the rest of the guys. Just lazing about there, seeing as we only had a couple days before school finally let out. Days like these were always the best kind though, when the teachers gave up on teaching us anything and just stuck a film on. Hoping it’d quiet our ever growing excitement. Did it fuck.

“I didn’t think you were being serious!” George exclaimed with a light laugh once I’d finally finished, eyes wide as he glanced down at me. I was sprawled out on the grass, head in his lap.

“Of course I fucking was! Do you not know me at all?” I replied in the same tone he’d used, titling my head back to exaggerate my own eyes. “We said it! We agreed!”

“So? I said I’d pull the plug on Matty’s life support machine if he ever ended up braindead, don’t mean I’ll actually do it.” George snorted right back, hands toying with the ends of my hair.

“Well, he’s not far off, is he?” I teased, even though Matty wasn’t around to hear. “And besides, I’m not Matty. I’m me. And you,” I exaggerated, pointing a finger up at him, “can’t say no to a face like this.”

“When d’you get so vain, ey?” Was all that George replied. I rolled my eyes and huffed.

“Please, G. Nana’s excited to meet you now. Can’t let her down, can you? Imagine what it’ll do to her poor old heart.”

He dragged a thumb across my lip, wiping the pout I wore right off my face. The surprising action didn’t deter me though, neither did the sickening butterflies I felt.

“Heartless heathen. Just watch this space,” I told him in false seriousness, “See when I turn up all alone and she’s devastated. So utterly heartbroken.”

“Oh shut up, would you?” George huffed, tugging on a strand of my hair and rolling his eyes at my scowl. “I’ll go.” My face quickly morphed and I knew he saw it when he leant in closer to cut off whatever I’d been about to say, our noses a breath apart. “But, only if you help me break it to the boys- my dad as well.”

I mulled it over, “I could do that.”

“You say that now.” He chuckled down at me, brown eyes dancing between my own before he pulled away and glanced over to see the boys headed our way.

To say that the rest of the band had taken the news of George’s departure easily was an utter lie. As expected, Matty had gone off on one, all grumpy and disheartened. Hann had sighed, but said that they could put off any recording sessions for a week or so. And Ross had just sat there grinning lazily at us like a overweight cat stretched out in the sun, unbothered by it but also looking a little too smug for my liking. 

I’d narrowed my eyes at him but said nothing.

George’s dad on the other hand was a whole other story.

I’d only met the man twice. Once when he’d caught me up in George’s bedroom, splayed out on the floor after having fallen out of a handstand his son had dared me into. Then a second time in the supermarket on the high street, I’d been grabbing food for the house seeing as no one else could be bothered, and he’d been on the phone to someone or other, heatedly whispering away. We’d caught each others eye, gave a strange awkward wave, then sped off down separate aisles. 

I’d been mortified both times. Not the best impression to have left on anyone, let alone your mate’s dad.

Still, I’d agreed to help and so now here I was. Sat in George’s kitchen, him at the stove, me perched by the table, both of us waiting for his dad to come home from work.

I was biting at my knuckle nervously, eyes trained on the door, George swatted my arm when he finally noticed, passing by me to pull a pack of pasta from out of the cupboard. “Why’re you so worked up? He’s harmless, plus you’ve met him before.”

Harmless, that’s how Matty often described George. I wondered if the two of them were much alike. Like my dad and I.

“I’m not.” I defended, but was levelled with a look telling me to cut the bullshit. “Fine, I just- I don’t know! Okay? Will you just run me through the story again?”

George chuckled to himself, pouring pasta shells into some salted water. “I’ll start, hint that a few of us are wanting to go camping. He won’t ask who, but if he does just say the lads. Like Hann and that- don’t mention Matty though, they’ve met.”

“He doesn’t like Matty?” I questioned with a pinched brow.

George’s shoulders moved with an unsure shrug, his back to me as he checked on the sauce he was making. I found it strange how I never knew he could cook til now. Or at least I hoped he could, I was supposed to be eating this.

“Nah, not that he doesn’t like him. Just thinks he’s a bit…” He replied, searching for the right word.

“Over the top? Eccentric? Loud?”

With a snort, George nodded. “Yeah. So, just be wary.”

I hummed, fiddling with the coasters that sat nearby. George’s house was nice, looked hardly lived in but it was tidy and inviting. Nothing as extravagant as Matty’s, but not quite like mine either. His family did well for themselves, you could see it.

“You don’t have to do this, you know. I was just pulling your leg earlier.” He told me after a minute or two had passed in quiet.

I shook my head. “I said I would, didn’t I? Don’t go back on my word.” I ridiculed, giving him a knowing look as I thought back to his first agreement over the trip to London. George just rolled his eyes at me and turned back towards the stove again. 

Besides, I thought to myself, I was here now. Might as well.

The telltale sign of a car pulling up onto the drive sounded then and my eyes widened on their own accord. “Oh shit.”

I was regretting everything now. I had no idea how to act, or what to say. I wanted to crawl under the table and hide until it was safe to come out again. My mind screaming at me to just make a run for it before I fucked the entire thing up.

I was sat staring a hole into the kitchen door, just waiting anxiously, when George carded a hand through my hair. I hadn’t even heard him approach.

“Don’t stress.” 

I glanced up towards him, then blew a heavy breath out of my nose, letting my forehead fall against his stomach.

“How can you say that? I’m freaking out, G.” My words were muffled by his t-shirt and so I felt it when he gave a muted chuckle in return. Strangely, the movement soothed me, but the gentle hand he held to the back of my head helped too. 

“You’ll be fine, B.” He murmured out into the kitchen and I pulled away when I heard the front door rattle. “Besides, when have I ever let you down?”

I released a shallow breath and then plastered on a more convincing smile. I caught George’s hand in mine just before he went back to watching the boiling pot and squeezed the digits, he returned the gesture kindly. I was thankful to have him, I realised in that moment, the easy way we worked only just hitting me then.

George was back by the stove when the kitchen handle turned and we both glanced over in the direction of the door to watch his dad walk on through it. The man was tall, that was the first thing I noticed, he had to duck his head to wander through the frame so that he wouldn’t hit it, and he also looked a lot like George. They shared the same eyes.

“Oh.” The older man paused when he spotted me at the table, slowing his movements ever so slightly to process it. It seemed that syllabic reactions were also something that the pair shared too.

“Hi, Mr Daniel. Hope me being here isn’t too much of a bother.” I greeted him, trying for polite, my voice was quieter than I expected though and I noted the way George’s furrowed brow turned towards me when he heard it too.

George’s dad stepped further into the kitchen, placing a carrier bag down on the kitchen counter before he walked over to drop his briefcase onto a wooden chair.

“Not a bother.” His accent was peculiar, it held a hint of, what I could only assume to be, Dutch, that was overpowered slightly by his low speech. “And I’m Jules, no need for formalities. You must be Y/n.”

I nodded and gave a smile when he quirked one of his own, however tiny. “I am, it’s nice to properly meet you.” I told him as he propped himself into the seat sat opposite me. 

“Yes, I agree. Though I have heard a lot about you, George has spoken of you before.” Jules informed, analysing eyes flitting over to where his son was stood, pretending to be absorbed in his cooking, before they settled back on me, “He speaks highly of you.”

A genuine smile broke out across my face then and, unable to stop it, I glanced down to my lap in hopes to hide it.

“That’s kind of him.” I laughed softly and was pleased when George’s dad chuckled along with me, it was a resonant sound one that came from deep within.

“My son’s a good boy. A kind one. I hope he’ll turn into a good man also.”

The look he casted George was sweet, one I couldn’t relate to but adored all the same. This man held his son in high regard, he loved him.

George decided to grace us with a bit of input then. “Are we done talking about me now?” He quipped, looking a bit self-conscious which was new. “Just waiting for him to start telling you my most embarrassing moments or pull out the baby photos.”

I flashed his dad a hopeful grin, “I’d love that.”

Jules just laughed and glanced towards his son. “I like this girl. Where did you find her?”

George shook his head in retort, rolling his eyes but not hiding his fond smile. “She found me.”

The two of us shared a look then and laughed- he had a point.

“Oh?” Jules said, questioning gaze jumping between the both of us now.

“I heard him play. At school.” I acquiesced the older man’s wondering and instinctively he knew I was talking about drumming. “He was hiding away in the music room when I’d been walking past, decided to poke my head in.”

“Ambushed me, more like.” George scoffed, a tea towel slung over his shoulder, looking every bit like the chef he was feigning to be. 

“I did not!” I gasped.

George laughed loudly, I was marvelled by the sound but I didn’t let it put me off upholding my honour. 

“You did.” He affirmed, “Gave me an address on a piece of paper like some slick gangster and told me to be there.” 

“I- it was-” I tried to find the right response but he had me there- although, slick gangster was quite the compliment if I was being honest. “I was just trying to be helpful! Besides, you hardly said a word to me. I thought you hated me at first!”

George quirked a brow, as though this was a surprise to him, maybe it was.

Jules cut in, his question held a hint of mirth, “An address?”

George glanced towards his dad and nodded once more, “For the band. That’s how I joined.”

“Ah.” George’s dad sounded, “Are you in this band too?” He asked me.

George snickered and I tried not to glare at him as I answered Jules. “No, just the boys. I keep them all in order though.”

“The world would crumble without a woman in charge. Count yourselves lucky.” Jules sent a grin towards his son, it was toothy and I noted that the fine lines around both his eyes and mouth resembled those I’d seen on George. His familiar eyes found mine next, “Do you play though?”

I shook my head, if only. “I can play a few chords on the piano but I’m no Chopin.” Adam’s doing, that. 

“Sing?” Jules questioned and I found myself wringing my hands beneath the tabletop.

“A little. Not in front of people though.” I told him honestly, not paying mind to the pause George made or the way his expression deepened. “It’s something of my own.”

Jules looked to me then, really looked at me I mean, and dipped his head in an earnest understanding. “Some things are meant for the heart, these are the things that keep us grounded.”

I nodded too, thankful that he could relate in some way, and the kitchen settled into a peaceful lull for once. No nervous energy to be found. George turned his back on us to drain the pasta and stir a pot.

After a few muted minutes filled with George just puttering about, he padded his way over and placed two plates before his dad and I. We thanked him and he returned with one of his own as well as a bowl of grated cheese. He and his dad tucked right in, loading up on the mountain of parmesan, I however passed.

George cleared his throat once we’d all settled in, his foot finding my ankle beneath the table. I peered over to him but he was still staring down at his dinner. “I forgot to mention, dad. There’s this trip coming up.”

“At school?” Jules asked him, not noticing George’s awkward stance, the way his shoulders were hunched over his plate. I nudged my knee against his encouragingly.

“No, um just a group of us. To celebrate the end of the year.” He replied, having paused in his eating now to watch his dad’s reaction, who was still chewing happily away. “Camping.”

That did catch the man’s attention. “Camping?” He mimicked, one brow raising as he looked to George. “Where?”

“Down by the coast. Margate way.” Wow, he’d really thought this through.

His dad hummed around his next mouthful, then turned to me. I tried not to falter under his attention and the sudden pressure I felt. “Are you going, Y/n?”

I swallowed. 

“I am. It’s a big group of us. Seven or so.” I replied. In truth, there was an actual trip happening with some of the kids in our year- Vicky was actually going. They were all headed to some festival, a few of them camping out there, others staying in hotels nearby or with mates. When Matty had first heard about it he’d wanted to tag along, but then he’d saw the lineup and thought better of it.

“And your parents don’t mind?” Jules prodded, ignoring the sharp look George sent him.

“My mum is looking forward to the peace.” I joked with a soft chuckle, aiming to ease some of the nervousness I felt. “But she doesn’t mind, as long as I keep in touch and stay safe.”

God, I’d really pulled that one out of my arse, hadn’t I?

Jules seemed to buy it though and hummed again, folding his hands together. “When is this?”

“Next week, they’re leaving Sunday.” George answered, taking a sip of the drink he’d made us earlier.

“Your mother-” His dad attempted to say but George was swifter, “I know, that’s why I’m asking you now.”

Jules didn’t look too happy about the interruption or having been put on the spot, but didn’t comment on it, nor did he add to George’s explanation.

“I could call her, mention it.” Jules murmured, thinking it over as his eyes passed over his son’s. “But I don’t think she will mind. As long as you have fun, ah?”

The older man grinned and I felt the tightness in my chest loosen, going back to my food as the duo continued to talk more about the trip and then the football match that was supposedly on later tonight. 

I smiled to myself, figuring that this was probably the most normal family interaction I’d been apart of in a long time. And my smile only grew when George trapped my ankle between both of his feet, a silent acknowledgement.

He walked me home later that evening, hands in our pockets after having said a quiet goodbye to his dad, who’d looked just about ready to nod off on the sofa. 

It was quiet out and the walk was short so we decided on taking the long way, talking amongst ourselves, me staring up at the stars, him kicking at the pebbles we passed by.

“You never mentioned singing before.”

George’s sudden mention of the earlier topic faltered my step briefly, but I kept looking on. “Not something I tell most people.” I replied with a lazy shrug.

“Why?” He asked me, and if it’d been anyone else I’d’ve told them to mind their own. But this was George. George who new more parts of me than most. Who knew and didn’t judge. Who never whispered a word of it to anyone.

I rolled my lips against one another. “It was just something I always shared with my dad.”

George didn’t say anything for a minute or so, probably mulling it over, thinking of something to say. People always got so tense whenever I mentioned him. Death made people weird.

“You any good?”

That ask prompted an unexpected laugh from me and I peered over at him with a bright smile, teeth brushing against my lower lip. 

He knew me so well. I didn’t need pity, apologies, sympathy. 

“The next Britney, me.”

George grimaced and I chuckled some more before gazing down at my feet.

“I don’t know. My dad liked to hear me, said it reminded him of when his grandad used to take him to the local market down by the lock near their house. The women there used to sing on the barges that passed.”

George hummed around a sweet smile, “Will you sing to me?”

“Not even on your dying day.” I quipped right back, laughing when he stopped to narrow his eyes at me. 

“Come on, just a song. A verse!” He attempted to bargain but I wouldn’t budge, shaking my head.

“You’re going to get me in trouble, you know.” I told him with a laugh, “Was meant to be home twenty minutes ago, I’ll have to shuffle up the drain again.”

“Well, we’re already late so you’ll still have to make do with that drainpipe of yours, or I can offer you a shoulder up.”

I snorted softly, “What a sight that’d be if a neighbour saw.”

George gifted me a lopsided grin and continued on walking, “So no chance of a song then?”

I shook my head.

“Not even if I swore to moon the headmaster tomorrow morning?”

I wasn’t quick enough to swallow down my loud cackle, not having expected that response from him.

“As if you’d showcase your spotty arse to the entire school.”

George hip-checked me, “Fuck you, I do not have a spotty arse.”

“Well, how would I know? I’ve never seen it.”

“This your way of asking?” He smirked back, winking at me.

My jaw dropped at his blatant cheek, honestly so surprised I struggled to find a proper retort. “You wish.” 

George snorted at the flustered reply and continued walking on with a proud grin. He’d bested me there, we both knew it.

I huffed and let him have the win. Mostly because we were fast approaching my house and I could already see that the lights were still on.

With a sigh, I slowed my steps, all but lugging myself along the pavement now. George seemed to notice, but when did he not?

“You can always call me, you know? Just a text away.” He spoke, voice trailing out along the late summer air.

He knew I was dreading going inside, but that was to be expected. I always felt that way.

Instead of making any fuss though I merely grinned, waving him off. “I’ll be fine. But make sure you put your dad to bed, hey? Heard him complain about his back as he bent down to get in the freezer. He’ll regret kipping on that settee come morning.”

George gave me a small smile, finding amusement in my truthful words, but I could see the concern in his eyes. The worry lines that aged his face. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” I assured, smiling up at him. “Last day and then we’re home free, G!”

George nodded at the reminder and tugged a hand out from his pocket to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear, fingertips trailing along my jaw ever so gently. I held my breath. Wondering if he’d finally close that distance between us. If he knew I wanted it just as badly.

But then he pulled away again and I tried to hide my sinking disappointment.

“See you tomorrow, Birdie.”

I gave him a crooked smile and pushed up on my tiptoes to press a careful kiss to his cheek. “Tomorrow. Night, G.”

…

I was on a bit of a high as I made my way around the side of the house, trainers dodging the dried out mud puddled beneath the kitchen window before I slid through the wearing wooden gate. 

George hadn’t made a move but it was a baby step. 

Ross’s words repeated on a loop in my head as I climbed my way up onto the garden wall to grab at the ledge sat just above the backdoor. Once I was stable there I shuffled my way up and over to my bedroom window, always just leaving it off the latch. 

‘He’s half fucking in love with you.’

‘But that’s alright, I guess. Seeing as he has no clue that you like him too.’

He was a wise one, our Ross. But I don’t know, part of me was desperate to believe him, the other fearful- of what, I wasn’t quite sure.

I forced out a heavy breath as I lugged my body in through the open window, being mindful not to make too much noise as I stuck my landing.

With a breathless exhale I spun around to close the window again, startling when I saw a figure sat in the corner of my room, looming in the old wicker chair I’d had there for years.

My hand jumped up to my racing heart as I processed the shock, biting back the sudden fear that crawled its way up the back of my neck when I noticed his predatory grin.

“Been wonderin’ how you’ve been sneakin’ in and out without me noticing.” Steven commented causally, as though it was perfectly normal for a grown man to be sat up waiting for a teenage girl in her bedroom. “‘Cause at first, you see, at first I reckoned you were just pretty stealthy. Funny that, what with you bein’ so lard.”

He snorted at his own joke, but I paid his cruel words no attention, far too used to the rotten things he’d often spout. Men were all the same, only Steven just didn’t have a single good bone in his body. 

I walked over to my dresser, fiddling with the rings there before I reached for a hair tie. I was trying not to show him that I cared, that I hated him for invading my space, that I wanted to run as quick as my legs would let me away. If I did then it was game over, he’d win.

I almost didn’t hear him stand, so I tensed slightly when a floorboard creaked beneath his weight. He approached from behind, his face coming into view beside mine in the dresser mirror. I didn’t look him in the eye.

“Where you been then? Out with yer mates, or were you gettin’ your leg over?”

Bile rose, it suffocated my senses for a moment before I steeled myself. He wouldn’t get the upper hand here. I wouldn’t give him a reaction.

“Saw you outside with that lad. Harry down the pub says your often with him, sees the two of you out late most nights.” Steven said snidely, “Do you love him, pet? Reckon he loves you back, do ya?”

My eyes flew up towards his in the mirror, “Did you want something, Steven?”

He whistled lowly then and I watched his mouth tug up into a menacing smirk as his eyes grazed over my face in the reflection, slowly making their way down to the curve of my neck and then lower. I kept my head held high even as I turned to slide out from between him and the dresser, only I wasn’t quick enough.

His hips jerked out instinctively and he pinned me to the wooden drawers. My mind buzzed, I was panicking now. He’d never gotten close like this. A punch here, a shove there. But, never like this.

“Let me go.”

“Why, petal? Don’t you think we could have some fun?”

“Let me go.” I repeated, firmer this time, fists steeled against the countertop. 

When he only laughed at my reaction I took the chance his ego gave me, kicking back swiftly with my leg to hit him just below his knee and buckle him. He did, but only just, springing out to claw at me as I darted my way to the bedroom door. 

I screamed when I felt his hands catch at my waist, but the handle was already in my hand and so I tugged as hard as I could. It opened, flying out to catch the side of my face. 

Shocked by the sudden impact, my head fell limply and I stopped struggling for a moment. His hold tightened though and I knew I had to keep on, get to the stairs, then to the front door. 

Just get out. 

“Let go!” I screeched, scratching at his greedy hands and tugging my body relentlessly towards the hallway. 

It was a game of tug-of-war, and for him I supposed I was the prize. But I wasn’t too easily won. I sent another kick backwards, he avoided it. I used the same foot to crash down hard on his toes, he yelped and loosened his arms slightly in surprise, enough for me to break out into the hall, crashing into the wall opposite my room. 

His fist collided with the back of my head just as my cheek bounced off the photo frame mum had hung there, I slumped lower, wiggling my way downwards and towards where I knew the banister would be.

“Don’t, be, difficult.” He grunted out. 

“Fuck you.” I spat back. 

On the floor now, I rolled over and ignored the carpet that burned the skin of my arms. I kicked harder, vision hazy as he loomed over me. He struck me again for talking back, like he often did whenever he was home, but then hit me twice more just because he could. Laughing about it now.

I forced myself backwards, the hallway was dim, the only light coming from the bedroom at the end of the walkway. I wondered if she was in there. If she could hear all of this. “Mum?” I called out, wailing almost. “Mum!”

Steven laughed harder at that. “She ain’t here. Even if she were, she’d be no help to you, you little tramp. Now get up!” He ordered and I felt the back of my hand brush against the wooden beam of the banister. “Up!”

I did as I was told, legs trembling before me. He struck me back down again, then ordered the same. “Up!”

I could hardly feel anything but the licking fire that flooded my veins, every inch of my body hurting. But I couldn’t let it show.

I stumbled to my feet, vision so blurred I ought to be concussed. He pinned me to the wall there, hands roaming, I whimpered and he only grinned, getting in my face.

“Pretty when you try, ain’t you?” He snarked. I gritted my teeth and thrashed about, spitting in his face when I couldn’t smash his head away with my own.

He worked his jaw for a moment, blinking once at me before another disgusting smirk replaced his thinly pressed lips.

“I could kill you, here and now. Make it hurt, do it nice and slow. No one would even notice. Would they? No one would be none the wiser. You hear me?” He hissed brutally into my ear, I was quivering now, whimpering as he drew closer and closer, pressing against me. “Yer mum would thank me, kiss my feet even, for having gotten rid of the tart she birthed. She cries, you know. All the time. Tells me she wishes it were you who died, and not your old man.”

I choked on a sob, thrashing again. He laughed joyfully. 

“Is that it? Do you miss yer daddy, little girl?” He taunted, mouth pressing against the skin of my cheek now, breath hot as his fingers worked at the button of my shorts. “But he ain’t comin’ to help you, petal. No one is.”

I turned my face further away from him, as far as I possibly could. Lip trembling and arms falling slack. He chuckled, shaking his head at me and tutting, but his mistake was thinking I’d make this easy for him. He could go fuck himself. 

As soon as he released one of my wrists to paw at the cut of my shorts, I shot my knee out, colliding with his lower half hard. He groaned in pain, fingers flexing against the jut of my wrist when I shoved him as hard as I could away with my free hand. 

He twisted the arm he still held as he stumbled slightly, but I couldn’t react, not even to the sharp pain that flew up towards my elbow. I had to take the chance while I still had it, thrashing even more and grabbing blindly for the ancient ornament my mum had kept on the shelf nearby for years. I brought it down hard once my fingers wrapped around its metal, smashing it against the hand that still encased my arm. He shouted out and in his agony flew his uninjured arm back at me, knocking the side of the ornament I still gripped and sending its pointed top sailing towards my neck. It pierced the thin skin between my collar and shoulder blade.

I pulled it free thoughtlessly, gawking at the sight of it before he came flying towards me. On instinct I chucked the hefty ornament back his way, catching the side of his head when he attempted to duck away from it. I darted towards the bathroom in the same second, the closest room available, and slammed the door shut behind me. Fiddling with the lock, it slipped through my fingers three times before it finally latched.

I looked around the room for anything to protect myself with, shaking violently, but my only option was the plunger and the cabinet on the adjacent wall. But I wasn’t even sure that it could come away. My next idea was the window. 

Steven banged at the door then, a flight of fury, anger creeping in from the tiny gap beneath it as he shouted at the top of his lungs. I was already crouched in the sink, heartbeat filling up my ears. I fumbled with the window’s latch, coating the white windowsill in red as I forced the tiny pane open as far as it’d go.

I glanced out helplessly, trying to actively ignore the harsh thumping coming from behind me. I was a whole story up and had nothing to catch me down below, not even a ledge or a pipe to help me with my descent. 

I paused for a moment to try and think things through, but that was my mistake, the bathroom door behind me splintered under the full force of his weight and he all but jumped across the tiled floor to grab at me. 

I didn’t even think about it, throwing myself out of the open window in my panic, but not quick enough it seemed because his hand wrapped itself halfway around my leg like a snake would its prey. I was practically dangling upside down out of the window now, my hands desperately clawing at the brickwork to find something to hang onto. Still kicking as he tried to pull me back inside. 

I’d rather die, I thought in the hectic haze, or maybe I screamed it.

I heard her voice then. Her screaming out his name, my eyes shot up to see a flash of her hair above me in the bathroom. But it was in that moment that he chose to finally release me. That he finally let me go. And I fell. Dropped. Barely even feeling the ground as I splattered against it, face full of grass, hip colliding with the concrete patio.

She called out for me then. Said my name. It was the first time I’d heard her say it in weeks. 

My vision begun to flash, coming in and out of focus in thick streaks, I dragged myself upwards. Pain radiated throughout the length of my body as I did, but I just kept on going. Knowing if I kept on going then this would be the last of it. It would all be over.  

Struggling, fighting with myself to just keep on, to escape, I staggered down the garden path to pass through the side gate and out onto the sheltered drive. I clung to the wall there, using it as a crutch to aid me along.

I could still hear their shouts over the ringing, the incessant ringing that distracted me from most of the pain. I kept on pushing, forcing myself out onto the street now. Someone was coming after me, I’d heard the door rattle open but hadn’t dared look back, too focused on moving forward. 

My name.

I heard her call my name over and over. 

But somehow, by some miracle, I managed to break into a limping run. My lungs ached and I was gasping for air, but once I’d made it far enough, as far as I was capable, I felt my body drop against the curbed pavement. Head buried in the gravel road, hand clutching at my throbbing shoulder.

Next thing I knew there were lights, people. Sirens.

I kept on screaming.

“Don’t touch me! Please!” I sobbed, utterly distraught, “Don’t!”

They couldn’t touch me. I wouldn’t- they couldn’t. I wouldn’t let them.

So many voices flittered in and out of focus, attempts to talk me down, to help.

Everyone had gathered around to witness, it seemed, and I caved further into my shivering body, unable to focus on their whispers, the gasps, the looks. I didn’t know where I was. I was too scared to even ask. Too shocked to notice the familiar faces that littered the neighbourhood, looking down at me. Too terrified that he’d find me. That I’d be dragged back.

I sobbed harder. Eyes flicking to and fro. Trying to assess the situation, looking for any and all warning signs. An escape. But I couldn’t. Head too heavy to concentrate, my thoughts shutting down. 

Then there was a scuffle off to the far side and I tensed at the shouting that pursued, someone nearby was ordering people to step back, to go home.

Home, I wanted so desperately to scoff. How could I go home?

“Hey! You can’t be here.” They repeated, their voice itching at my skin, tightening every single muscle in my body. “Move away. Step away now!”

“She’s my friend! Let me fucking through. Y/n! Y/n!” 

Breathless, my head snapped up at the call of my name and through my hazy vision, I caught a glimpse of him. Him. How he’d known I was here, I had no idea, but he was there.

“George.” I sobbed openly, and that was the signal that seemed to allow him access. 

He all but threw himself towards me and the woman crouched about a foot away called out a warning to him, but I was reaching out too. Desperate for that safety that’d been so easily ripped away from me. 

I continued to sob, for who knows how long. He held me, tight. An anchor and a protector. He never let anyone get near. The sirens and flashing lights faded, and all I could hear was his voice. He sounded so lost. I wanted to apologise. I wanted him to hold me tighter.

“Come on, B. You need to get up now, alright? I need you to let them check you over. You won’t stop bleeding.”

He kept on repeating himself. Over and over. I couldn’t understand why. I was fine. Terrified but fine. I didn’t need them. I didn’t need to be touched. I didn’t want to be looked at. 

I wanted to go home. But where the fuck was home?

It wasn’t back there. It wasn’t with him.

I cried harder. 

“Birdie. Hey, Birdie, babe. Listen to me please. I’m here. I’m here and I’ve got you. Come on, we’re going to get into the ambulance, okay? Together. Just me and you.”

Me and you. “Me and you.” I repeated, his hand tightening a fraction in mine.

“That okay? Can you do that for me, love?”

I think I nodded, I couldn’t be sure. Uncertain of which way was up and which way was down. I leaned against his sturdy frame. “George, I lied.” I gasped out to him through my relentless spluttering, clawing at his chest. 

He didn’t reply.

“I lied, G! I said I’d be fine.” I cracked, barely even aware of the words I was spewing to him. “Can you stay? Please can you stay? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

He wrapped himself further around me, hand in my matted hair. 

“Yeah, Birdie. I’ll stay. I’m not going nowhere.” He assured me, gentle as he lifted me up and into the ambulance. “I’ve got you.”

—

I’d always hated hospitals. Ever since my dad had died. 

I hated the fact that I was here again, in the same one he’d left us in. Left me in. 

I didn’t pay much attention to anything, only ever reacting when someone touched me without warning. Waking when a nurse would pop her head in or when someone would pass outside the door.

George was dozing in the chair beside my bed. I couldn’t remember calling him. I couldn’t remember much. I suppose I didn’t want to.

I ached. Everywhere.

But it was my mind that caused the most pain. Relentless in its pursuit to keep me under. To never let me forget.

I could still feel his hands. The groping, the press of his mouth. The breath on my ear. 

I shivered, forcing back the tears and swallowing past the harsh lump.

My eyes fluttered again. Heavy now. Heavier than ever. The room faded, George’s faint breaths lulling my mind, sleep dragging me under. 

——

“Fuck!” George hissed out, slamming his fist into the opposing wall to keep from chucking up whatever else his stomach had left to give. “Fuck.” He repeated, only with a lot less conviction, less drive.

She wouldn’t stop crying. She wouldn’t let them come near. She’d been so defenceless.

And where was I? His head screamed at him.

Where the hell was I?

His fist collided with the wall above the toilet again, face scrunched up tight to keep from crying too.

His breaths grew ragged, hands clenched hard enough to hurt, all whilst feeling sick to his stomach. 

He startled.

A knock had sounded from just outside and he inhaled a sharp breath, waiting a moment, before he croaked out, “Yeah?”

He sounded so weak. Voice shaking.

“Um, there’s a call here for you, sir.” An unfamiliar voice spoke through the thick door, “Asking for a George Daniel.”

He swallowed thickly, the action doing nothing at all to dull the nausea that rolled through him. “Yeah.” He rasped in reply, pulling the toilet chain and moving towards the door as his insides flushed away.

He stepped out into the quiet corridor, to where she now laid asleep in the room opposite. George’s tired, albeit alert, gaze honed in on a nurse dressed in blue staring carefully back at him. 

“They’ve phone three times now.” She told him, voice soft. “I kept them on the line, but I can’t hold them off any longer.”

George swallowed again and nodded to her, casting a long glance into the room beside them.

The nurse followed his eye, “She’s strong. They’ll let her go soon enough.”

He dipped his head and reluctantly let her lead him down towards the ward’s reception desk, to where a phone was sat off the hook. She gestured towards it with a nod and then left him to it.

It was late enough that there weren’t many people mulling about, let alone any visitors, he’d only been allowed to stay because she’d refused to be treated otherwise.

“Hello?” George answered, voice cracking, having picked up the phone and brought it to his ear.

“Fuck. George, that you, mate?”

Ross.

“Yeah, yeah it’s me.” He answered in a slow breath, “How’d you know to call?”

“It’s everywhere, mate. They say she got jumped, is it true? Is she alright?”

Jumped.

His mind lingered on that word. Staring off down the corridor. Lingered on the fact that people in their shitty fucking town were already gossiping about it. It made him hate himself a little bit more.

“She’s asleep.” Was all that he replied.

“Is she. Okay. George.” Ross demanded before the line went quiet once more, eerily George could still hear the other boy’s resolved glare from down the phone. It was a hard image not to picture.

“She’s,” He had to pause, force down the wetness in his tone, the tears that were coming. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Ross stressed and George had never heard him sound so serious. So grown up.

“They found her on the road just off of mine. Some woman.” He swallowed again, though the salvia was just pooling in his mouth at this point. “Y/n. She, she was screaming- sobbing. I only knew about it when I heard the sirens, the lights. I- I just had a feeling, Ross. I ran down, hoping, praying, but… Fuck.”

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, breaths laboured.

“George?” Ross called out to him, “You still there?”

“Yeah,” He rasped in reply, straining to keep his voice even as he wet the flesh of his lip. “She. She’s been checked over, they have her on a drip. No broken bones, just a few sprains. Said she jumped from a window.”

“She did what?”

“I don’t know. I don’t fucking know what happened, but it weren’t good.” George muttered to himself, bloodshot eyes trained on an off-centred tile a way away. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. She- there was so much blood, Ross.”

“Blood? What the fuck are you talking about, what went on?” Ross hissed down the phone, George knew that he wasn’t really asking him.

“Stab wound to her shoulder.” He answered though, needing to get it all out, in fear he’d never be able to again. “Wasn’t very deep but they stitched it up. Along with the cut on her head.”

“Hang on- stabbed? George, what?”

“I don’t know, Ross!” He stressed, tears blurring his vision now as he thought back to her sat there on that roadside, beaten, alone, sobbing. “I don’t know, okay! I just- I don’t know what to do. What do I do? What do I say?”

A long pause.

“It’s my fault.” He whispered brokenly into the receiver, “I let her leave. I let her go home.” He admitted quietly, tear rolling down the skin of his cheek. “It’s my fault, Ross.”

“G… mate, you can’t say that. It’s- you didn’t know.”

He did. He knew. He’d known for a long time how bad it was. How bad it’d been. He knew. He knew. He knew. 

“It’s all my fault.”

A piercing scream startled him then and he all but dropped the phone to dart in its direction. Three long strides and he was at her door, shouting at the idiot that’d come in to tamper with the IV beside her, his entire body trembling. 

“Get out!” He demanded, hands shaking in fury, in fear. Before he looked towards her, hating that he saw that same terror reflected on her face. He rushed to her side and she grabbed aimlessly for his hand, he let her take it. Let her burrow her face in his chest as he wrapped an arm around her and settled on the edge of the bed. “I’m here.” He murmured into her hair, “I’m here, Birdie.”

——

No one should’ve known, no one had heard it from me. 

But everyone did.

The police had been by. Twice.

So had Matty’s mum, she’d charged in this morning and started making demands. Not daring to touch me, to ask questions.

She sat with me whilst they ran more tests, George outside with the boys. They were quiet. All four of them. I would’ve felt humiliated, deep down I probably did, but I couldn’t feel much of anything with how horrified I was. With how my mind never let up, never let me rest.

He’d been arrested, an officer had told me. Not charged, not yet. Maybe not ever.

My mum had come by asking questions, someone had sent her away. I hadn’t seen her. 

Next thing I knew I was being carted out of the hospital and into the back of Denise’s car with a pile of leaflets and a therapist to contact. No one said a word. 

The police were outside of Matty’s when we arrived, I ignored them until my eyes found George hunched on the settee. He was still in the same trackie bottoms from before, I could tell because they were still littered with specs of my blood. The white t-shirt was gone though, replaced by one of Matty’s biggest hoodies, which still looked too small on him.

Denise and George stayed with me whilst I was questioned again, repeating the same answers again and again. The boys just outside. I told the officers most of what happened. Told them about the way he’d treated me, and mum. How she wasn’t to blame. How scared she’d been. Liar. 

They spoke to Denise as though I wasn’t there afterwards and, in a way, I supposed I wasn’t. Not really. Mind off elsewhere.

George had let me hold his hand through the entire thing, fingers pale against mine. He’d kept looking at me, every few seconds, as though he was scared I was going to disappear or maybe just fall apart.

I kept thinking back to him. To the ambulance ride. To the whispers he’d gifted me, the promises he’d made. How I’d lied. Liar. 

School had been and gone, my last day snatched from not just me, but all the boys too.

Denise let me have the guest room, running me a hot bath and laying out some clothes. I’d been thankful for the offer but wary, George had followed me up in silence and then planted himself on the floor outside the bathroom without a word.

He’d still been there when I’d let the door creak back open, lifted his head and given me a tired smile before we’d both puttered into the bedroom.

It was barely even afternoon before I crawled into the bed upstairs. Larger than I was used to, having been holed up on the same twin sized mattress I’d had since I was thirteen.

I was fearful that George would go home at that point, but he merely showered and borrowed some more clothes off of Matty. He dwarfed them but I smiled as he entered the room to silently set up the blow up mattress Denise had brought in.

Matty had stopped by to say goodnight, pain in his pretty brown eyes, but with a brave smile limning his lips. I’d let him squeeze my hand before he’d left, shutting the door quietly behind him. George took up space on the mattress below and I shuffled all the way to one end of the bed to reach my hand out towards him. He took it without a second thought and I fell asleep like that, with his hand tucked safely in mine, his thumb soothing careful circles into the back of my wrist.

—

“Are you sure, sweetheart? I mean, you’re barely even out of hospital.” Denise fussed over me as I waited for George to join us downstairs. 

It was finally Sunday. Which meant we were leaving. 

“I’m sure.” I told her quietly, she hid her frown well but I could still see it there, behind the lingering look she gave me.

“At least let me drop you both to the station, or pack you something to take with you.” Denise continued, I smiled when she cradled my cheek. “You’ve hardly eaten since I’ve seen you! Worries me.”

I knew it did. Matty had already brought me up both breakfast and lunch, and it was barely gone ten.

“I’ll take the lift if you really are offering.” I acquiesced and watched a smile bloom on her face.

“Right then, I’ll go grab my keys.”

She puttered off just before George shuffled his way down the stairs, Matty talking his ear off all the while. I smiled at the sight of them, at the way George rolled his tired eyes.

He’d hardly slept, same as me, but I still felt a twinge of guilt ripple through me when he caught my staring. 

“Oh look! It’s the second half to the pair of traitors I once called friends.” Matty scoffed as he bounced off the third step and dropped down onto the floor, he turned his nose up at me and I rolled my eyes in return. Unfazed by his melodramatics.

“Don’t be jealous, Healy. You’ll always be my favourite.” I smirked at him, hoping it looked as genuine as it felt. 

Matty grinned in turn whilst George settled the duffle he’d picked up from his yesterday by the front door, he strolled back over to join us.

“Hear that, G? I’m her favourite.” Matty boasted, sniffing with an overly pleased smile.

George wrapped an arm around my shoulder and, naturally, I leant into him. “Don’t think it matters, mate. You’ll still be stuck here, whilst we’re off in the city.”

Yeah. Matty now knew of our little secret. 

It had all come out late last night, when I’d fought tooth and nail with George about the trip down south. I still wanted to go, more now than ever. But he’d had his reservations.

With a childish scowl, Matty made a face in retaliation and propped himself up against the banister bar. “Still can’t believe you lied to us. I mean, where’s your sense of camaraderie?”

I chuckled to myself, hiding the soft sound in the groove of George’s shoulder.

“I’m stuck here, all fucking summer long, with Hann and Ross… mum too! I can already picture it! The four of us down at the pub, just drowning our sorrows and sniffling into our pints. You can’t actually leave me here with them!”

When I glanced back up Matty had seemingly decided to drop to his knees to beg for an invitation, hands clasped before him, that was also the same moment Denise decided to pop back in.

“Oh, Jesus Christ, Matthew. What in heavens are you up to now?” She scolded with a half-hearted huff, tutting as she shook her head at her eldest son. 

“I’m making a plea, mum.” Matty told her in all seriousness, barely sparing her a glance as she passed by. 

“For goodness sake.” Denise sighed, unable to do much else, which was almost always a given with anything Matty related. “Get up off the floor and make yourself useful, would you? I’ve got the hoover plugged in, be a dear and run over the rugs for me.”

Matty’s hands fell limply to his sides just as his mouth dropped in disbelief. He glanced back towards George and I. “You see what kind of hell you’re leaving me in? What teenage boy hoovers??” 

“Mine!” Denise told him simply, poking at his shoulder to get him to stand with smile, “Now, run along. I’ve got to drop these two off before their train leaves, haven’t I?”

George and I took that as our queue to start grabbing at our things, him swiping up the small suitcase Denise had taken from mine yesterday before I had the chance. I flattened my expression, showing my displeasure. 

“Mum.” Matty all but whined, neither one of them paying much attention to us now. “Can’t I just come? You know, see my mates off and all.”

Denise wasn’t a woman to be bargained with. “No, you’ll see them soon enough. Now, if you’d like to make your goodbyes while I start the car then have at.”

I bit back the giggle that wanted to escape me upon seeing Matty’s dejected face, whilst Denise double checked for her car keys and purse then slid out the front door yelling, “Five minutes!”

“You make it sound like I’d been sentenced to death, woman!” Matty shouted out after her and his mum’s reply was what broke the dam, letting a flood of muffled laughter escape me. “Hoover and you might just live to tell the tale, Matthew!”

Matty grumbled to himself, shaking his head before he peered back over at us with his hands on his hips, looking like a little old lady.

“So, you know what happened here then if I’m missing when you two get back.” He sighed, as though he’d already gone and accepted his fate. “Tell the coppers it was her, yeah? And have a party at my funeral, no fuckin’ tears or nothin’ either. Oh, and I want my coffin a bright pink, the flowers can-”

“Matt.” George spoke with an amused chuckle, cutting into Matty’s longwinded rant. He opened his arm out wide and snorted when the curly haired freak catapulted himself across the hall at him. 

“Gonna miss you lot.” Matty mumbled into George’s shoulder before he pulled away and stepped towards me, a little warily. I moved over to him, silently assuring him that I wanted a good cuddle too. He grinned down at me and I felt him press a gentle peck to the top of my head when he’d wrapped me up in his arms. “Make sure you bring me something back, yeah? Something sick.”

I smiled fondly as we parted, squeezing his fingers briefly. “Promise.”

Matty’s gaze trailed between the two of us then and a sly smirk begun to overwhelm his features. “And I want all the details about this-” he waved a hand between us, “when you get back.”

The fucker. Way to make things awkward, I thought. 

I honestly did go to correct him, to tell him that nothing had happened between George and I. But G beat me to it. 

Well, not really, because he didn’t deny anything of the sort, just laughed as he treaded closer to the door. “Bye, Matty.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Matty called out after us, and I chuckled as I followed George out. 

Always one to make a scene though, Matty stood and waved us off from the front step of the house once we’d both settled in the car and Denise had just begun to pull away.

His mum only sighed.

—

I shifted again for what felt like the umpteenth time. 

I was uncomfortable. Incredibly so, enough that I was quickly beginning to regret having been so stubborn about not postponing this entire trip when the offer had been there.  

“You alright?” George asked from where he sat across the table from me, his hands toying with a ticket. 

We were on the train now, the journey just under three hours. But we weren’t even a quarter of the way through yet and I was already dreading the rest of it.

I nodded in reply, still shuffling about. “Just can’t get comfortable.”

My body ached, my head and spine were bruised to bits, but it was just my hip that wouldn’t allow me to settle in my seat. The doctors reckoned I’d sprained it falling out that upstairs window, but they couldn’t do anything for the cramping I kept feeling other than offer me a prescription, which had just been an over-the-counter pain relief.

Tough fucking luck, hey?

“Here.” George motioned to me. I watched him jump up from the seat he’d fallen into when we’d first boarded and then jerk his head down at it. 

I frowned slightly but stood carefully before rounding the tiny table which had separated us, observing closely as he rolled up his hoodie and bundled it against the car’s window. He ushered me in afterwards and I went, letting him take the seat beside me so that he could pull my legs up to lay across his lap.

“Better?” He questioned, a hand wrapped loosely around my ankle now.

I smiled and gifted him a grateful nod. It’d helped a ton actually.

“Good.” He replied, then pulled out a tiny notebook from the duffle he’d brought with him, “‘Cause now there’ll be no excuses when I beat you in hangman.”

I laughed at that. “Oh, you’re on.”

—

George’s quiet laughter only agitated me further as I mumbled to myself about ‘fucking trains’ and ‘toffy twats who didn’t know when to shut the fuck up’ as we manoeuvred our way through the hectic crowds of Kings Cross Station.

We’d spent the last half of our journey surrounded by a bunch of rowdy university lads, who were obviously on their way back home. But listen, because I’m the very last person to have a bitch and a moan about people just enjoying themselves or having fun- even when it inconvenienced me, yeah? But these fucking ignorant twats had really pushed my limit. 

I mean, who the fuck starts a loud debate over their fucking political crushes? And then go on to boast to one another about where they’d be spending their summers whilst simultaneously mocking anyone who holidayed in ‘the isles’ or didn’t at all. 

I’d sent a wide eyed glance at George when they’d first started up and my disbelieving frown had quickly grown into me just biting my tongue to keep from ripping them each a new one when they’d started snickering at the rest of us. At the tiny family down the far end of the car, with its single mother and her chocolate covered toddler who was sporting an upset frown. At the elderly bloke cooped up in the far corner, who kept nervously jumping whenever the train rattled too hard against the tracks. Even at George and I. Because of my fucked up face and George’s nonplussed reaction.

George’s calming hand had been the only thing to keep me stated. Otherwise they never would’ve made it to the station. 

Should count themselves lucky.

“Don’t laugh, George. I hate people like that.” I grunted out as I rubbed at my hip again, thankful that I hadn’t fought him when he’d taken my suitcase. “Looking down on others, acting like their shit don’t stink the same.”

George visibly fought not to snort outright at that and I huffed.

“Keep on, Daniel, and you’ll be hearing a lot worse.” I told him pointedly, but smiled politely at the ticket officer as we passed through the barriers.

“Don’t doubt it.” George replied, hiking his duffle up higher over his shoulder. “But B, you’ve got to learn not to let people like that affect you. Otherwise I’d be having to fight off every idiot that looked at you funny.”

“I can fight my own battles, thank you.” I retorted primly.

George huffed out a chuckle. “I know that much, but no one’s gonna hurt you again with me around.”

My gaze focused on the buzzing swarm ahead, at the giant boards hanging high above us, anything but him. “I thought we weren’t talking about it.” I murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and wincing when I forgot about the stitches in my shoulder.

I heard him sigh and said nothing more on the topic.

We’d just about made it to the taxi rank, where Aunt Del had said she’d be waiting for us yesterday, when George spoke up again. “I’m gonna grab some deodorant and shit from the pharmacy over there- forgot to pack it in with the rest. You want anything?”

I watched as he settled our bags down beside a bench and then jerk his head over towards a Boots nearby. I shrugged, “Maybe a drink. If you don’t mind?”

George flashed me a smile, waving off the second part of my comment. “Diet Coke, yeah?”

I nodded, flashing him an overdue smile, “You know me so well.”

He shook his head lightly, lips still upturned as he headed in the other direction. I sighed whilst slumping onto the bench.

I’d been in London five minutes and already I felt overwhelmed. The station was hectic, even on a Sunday! There were people everywhere, lights and signs adorned every possible space, and there was never a lulling moment of peace. Everyone was just go, go, go.

Saying that, it was possibly the best place I’d ever people watched. There were all sorts of personalities down here. I mean, it wasn’t everyday you spotted a 6ft woman with a mohawk the length of a tennis racket walking through the streets of Wilmslow. Or an old hippy dressed in a black bin bag, waving a guitar.

It was pretty incredible. And I took the time to search for all the anomalies littered amongst the suits and denim jeans, a game of Where's Wally?. I much preferred their eccentricity.

“Alright, they were out of the stuff I usually get so I got this instead, smelt nice enough though.” I glanced up at the sound of George’s voice and spotted him making his way back to me whilst peering down at the deodorant can he held in his hand. My drink was tucked up under his left arm and he had a carrier bag dangling from his wrist. “What d’you think?” He asked when he reached the bench, holding the can out towards me. I sniffed at the scent whilst he settled the drink he’d purchased beside me and quickly tucked the bag into his duffle. 

“I like it.” I told him honestly, glancing down at the label. “It’s different.”

“That good or bad?” He chuckled in reply and I smiled.

“Good. You’ll pull any one you fancy now that you’ve got something to cover that awful smell that often follows you about.”

His eyes wrinkled as he pulled a face in retaliation, “Hilarious, you. Why’d I ever let you talk me into coming again?”

I chuckled to myself, grinning up at him when he moved in closer to swipe the deodorant from my grasp. “‘Cause you’d be lost without me- dead bored too.”

He hummed, as though mulling it all over. Then leaned down towards me, nose almost touching mine as his face broke into a smile. “Sounds about right.”

I wanted to crane my neck up in that moment, let my lips brush against his. It was all I wanted in truth. But I didn’t dare. Too terrified of how he’d react. If every lie I’d heard ever told about me turned out to be true. If I was just as worthless as their words painted me to be.

“Yeah. It does, don’t it?”

George’s grin was large but still soft somehow, and his brown eyes danced between my own whilst the station continued to buzz around us. He hummed again, rocking on his feet, edging ever so closer.

Smash!

We both jolted apart at the sudden commotion, heads snapping up and over towards the loud bang. We both snorted at the same time, having spotted the culprit.

“They’re a fucking whole different breed down here.” George laughed lowly, shaking his head at a hefty looking pigeon that had seemingly taken the opportunity to try and nab a sandwich from out of an older woman’s hand- only it’d flown headfirst into a shop’s swinging sign.

I could only agree with his statement before I pivoted slightly, pausing only when I spotted another older woman waving her arms about wildly just outside the station doors. My jaw dropped for a second before I found myself chuckling at the sight, nudging George’s side to grab his attention too. He only raised his brows at the mad cow dressed in orange dungarees and a striped tee who was so obviously waving at us.

“I reckon everything down here’s different, G.” I snorted before I was waving back at my Aunt just as eagerly, already gathering up our stuff.

“No shit.” Is all I heard George say in return.

…

“Oh my Christ, ain’t you just grown so big!” Was the first thing Aunt Del said after she’d sprinted over to wrap me up in a long-overdue hug. “My, I swear you look like the double of me when I was your age.” She breathed out, her bright red lips matching her cherry coloured hair, gentle green eyes gazing down at me.

“Hi to you too, Aunt Del.” I chuckled, smiling back at her. She hadn’t changed at all from the day I remembered her, just as bubbly and as lovable as ever. 

“Oh psh, none of that hello nonsense!” She retorted, blowing out a willowy breath as she waved a hand between us both. “I’m too excited! Have been ever since your Nan mentioned the visit. I can’t believe how long it’s been, doll!”

“I know.” I said in quiet agreement, my hand finding hers just before I shuffled over to reveal the tall teenage boy stood not too far behind me. “Oh Aunt Del, this is my friend, George. G, this is my Auntie Delany.”

Aunt Del’s eyes brightened as she took in all George had to offer, grinning a wry little smile before she squeezed my hand tightly. “Your Nana mentioned you were bringing a friend…” She let slip and then nodded her head for George to come closer, “But she never said he’d be a looker. How’re you, love? The train treat you alright?”

I gave a silent snort at the wobbly expression George’s face pulled itself into when my aunt tugged him into a hug as well. He gifted me a bewildered glance from over her shoulder and I shrugged, attempting to bite back my mad smile. He knew it was there though, I could tell from the brief scowl he sent me before they were pulling apart.

“Tall, handsome… you smart as well, darlin’? Or are you only a pretty face?” Aunt Del pondered as she stepped back and tilted her head up at him.

“Del.” I warned, but George’s mouth just quirked upwards ever so slightly.

“Smart enough to know when to use the pretty face to my advantage.” He quipped back easily, and I was relieved to hear Del’s sweet laugh.

“Oh, I like this one, Y/n.” She whispered theatrically, glancing over her shoulder at me before another flood of people escaped the station and she started ushering us away. “Come on now, kiddos. Parked the car over here, din’t I?”

My forehead pinched in concern, “In a taxi rank?”

“Well, where else?” Del laughed, dragging my suitcase along ahead of us while George shot me another bewildered look.

I could only assume that we’d be loaded with a hefty fucking fine.

But before I could voice that, or at least allude to it, Aunt Del had already pulled out a chain of gangly keys on an old piece of string and wandered over to a pink coloured cab.

I blinked at the sight of it. Del caught the look because she was grinning over at me from where she’d just placed my suitcase in the boot. “Good old Hewson here always gets a few heads turning, don’t you, beaut?” Aunt Del said as she patted the cab’s side, I was still taking it all in.

“Sorry, Hewson?” I questioned as she motioned to George to throw his duffle in the back too, “You named your car Hewson?”

But before Aunt Del could answer me, George cut in. He had his thinking face on.

“Hewson as in Bono?” He wondered aloud and Del spun right around to grin at him, he shut the boot for her.

“Bingo. I knew I had a good feeling about you!” Aunt Del exclaimed with a finger extended towards the chuckling teenager. She turned back to me, shaking her head in mock disappointment, “I thought for sure you’d get it, dove.”

With a wry grin I could only shrug my shoulder at her, “Sorry to disappoint, Aunt Del, but G here is the music expert between us.”

Del’s smile only appeared to widen as she shot around to the drivers side door, “Well have I got a playlist in here for you then! Only the greats, mind. So you’d best have brushed up on your seventies trivia.”

George all but beamed as he followed her over and opened up the backdoor for me, very much in his element now. I slid into the cab first, smiling at the leopard print seats and sequinned roof, then G swiftly followed.

“Oh, a gentleman too, is he?” Aunt Del cooed from the front where a pair of fuzzy dice hung from the rearview mirror, her hands gripping at the neon coloured wheel. “You’ve hit the jackpot with this one.” She winked at me and I looked away to hide my flush. “So my Georgie-pie, you get on alright with The Jam?”

George’s hand found my knee as he leant forward in his seat to grin alongside my aunt, the pair of them chatting away whilst she jolted into reverse and out of the bay. I gripped at the door’s handle to keep from being thrown about when we took off down Pancras Road, Town Called Malice blasting out over the noise of the noisy city.

…

My cheeks had begun to hurt from how hard I’d been smiling throughout the entire ride down to the simple terraced house my grandparents owned in Bethnal Green. From what I could recall, it’d been the house my grandfather had grown up in, he’d only inherited it after the Second World War when his own mother had passed away from fever, his father having died earlier on whilst stationed at the frontline. He’d raised both of his kids there, my dad and Aunt Del, after his stoop in prison, before they’d both grown up and he’d eventually passed on as well. Leaving only my Nan and Delaney left.

It wasn’t a very busy street, all the houses old and built right beside the other, but it was nice, pretty even. A vast change in pace to the busy streets of the city we’d driven through on the way over.

Del was still talking a mile a minute when she pulled up into a marked bay, only narrowly avoiding hitting the curb whilst an old Grateful Dead tune continued to blare through the speakers. George hopped out first, slipping around to my side and opening the door for me so that he could help ease me out as well, his hand stayed in mine even as we moved to join Aunt Del by the boot.

“Here’re.” Del said, divvying up the luggage between George and herself. I sighed, but it fell into more of an unhappy groan when I reached up to shut the back door of the car only to have George beat me to it.

“I haven’t lost all capability.” I muttered to him whilst Aunt Del locked up the cab and took off down the pavement, excited to get us inside.

George’s fingers linked between mine and he tugged me closer, his duffle back on his shoulder. “I know that,” He murmured into my ear, breath tickling the skin of my neck, “But it makes me feel useful, yeah?”

I sighed again, only softer this time around, as I slumped into his embrace, letting him have this one thing. At least for a short while. I knew that soon enough it’d start to drive me mad.

“You two lovebirds comin’ or am I gonna have to stand here all day?” Del mocked from where she was now rocking back and forth at the top of a set of high steps, stood in front of an indistinct door.

I shot her a sharp look which she only grinned to, before George and I ascended the short staircase too. Del already had her gangly keys back out again and we watched on as she shoved a Yale cut key into the top lock, shouting out a warning as she tumbled on through it, “Mum, I’ve brought back Northerners!”

I giggled to myself as I followed in after her, eyes racking over everything that they possibly could. We’d entered into a long narrow hallway where an old cast iron radiator still stood atop a mosaic tiled floor. The walls here had been painted a softened white and victorian blue, the blue sat beneath a moulding halfway up and spilled out onto the staircase that’d been fitted with a warm beige runner. Photo frames littered the place, diving beneath a carved ceiling arch and around a few brass fixtures. It was beautiful, homey.

George shut the heavy wooden door quietly behind us and I heard a shuffle sound farther up ahead. Del gestured us further inside, dropping our luggage at the foot of the stairs before wandering down the walkway. We followed silently, both George and I feeling the nerves edge in now, and we were quite surprised to shuffle into an open kitchen and spot a petite looking woman relaxed in an dining chair, cigarette in one hand and a TV Times in the other. She glanced up once we’d entered and the sight of her had my heart climbing to my throat, her toothy smile reminded me a lot of the pictures I'd seen of my dad.

“Well, ain’t this lovely?” My Nana chirped, already moving to stub out the remnants of her fag in a glass ashtray before standing. George released my hand so I could go meet her, legs trembling slightly. “My little dove, how you’ve grown, hey? All big now. Too tall.” She grinned at me as I dipped down a tad to bury my face into her neck.

“Hey, Nana.” I whispered, my smile shaky as she ran a soothing hand over the length of my back.

When she pulled away she pressed a thin, ring clad hand to my cheek, eyes taking me in. “You’re alright, darlin’. Looking so beautiful too. Oh, how I’ve missed ya.”

I chuckled wetly, but didn’t let the shimmering tears that’d begun to well fall, “Missed you too.” More than she knew. “It feels so mad to be here, I remember bits and pieces but not much.”

“Ah the last time you were ‘ere, ought to’ve been when you were about six. You made a right old mess of this kitchen. Treckin’ in mud and kickin’ your feet. My God, your dad had gone mad- couldnt help his grin though when you’d started singin’ that tune he so loved. What was it again, my darlin’?”

“You Make My Pants Want to Get Up and Dance.” I answered her in a whispered chuckle, the song a vivid reminder of days we’d spent dancing around this very room.

Nana released a sweet laugh and turned to Del, “You remember, don’t you, Del? The pair of ‘em, prattling about the place.”

Aunt Del shared a conspiratorial grin with me, nodding from where she’d taken perch over by the fridge. “Oh yeah. That one Christmas mornin’, it was all that’d been on. Drove me bloody mental.”

“See?” Nana enforced, hand falling to my upper arm, “What I tell ya? Might be gettin’ on a bit but my mind’s still as quick as a whip.”

I smiled, but that was when she finally took note of the giant stood crowding her kitchen doorway. George wore a soft smile that only grew in nervousness when my nan’s gaze sought him out. “And this must be the famous friend!” She teased, already motioning him over. “Come on, love. I don’t bite.”

George blew out a small chuckle and walked over to join us, surprising me when he leaned down to wrap an arm around the petite woman. My Nana smiled proudly and gently squeezed George’s wrist when they pulled apart.

“It’s good to finally meet you.” George assured her, his tone quiet, warm.

“And you, sweetheart.” My Nana spoke, smiling up at him. “But my, ain’t you tall? Remind me a bit of my Charlie, you do. He was a giant too, always dwarfed me in size whenever he took my hand. Only ever saw his tie when we was dancin’, and din’t he just love to complain of a sore neck, bendin’ down to greet me whenever he came home from wherever he’d been.”

I giggled quietly to myself, watching the pair. Enamoured.

“Got those eyes of his too, kind but quick. Too smart for yer own good, ain’t ya sometimes? Trouble finds you.”

George’s eyes glanced over towards me at that and he could only agree. “She does.”

Both my Nana and Aunt Del laughed at that, catching on to his sentiment whilst I just tutted and shook my head. “You’re lucky to have me.”

“Ain’t he just.” Nana confirmed with a dip of her chin, her blue eyes twinkling now beneath the kitchen light. “A right pair you make. Reckon we’ll have a few more stories to tell once you leave.”

“You’ve gone and jinxed it now.” George chuckled teasingly, obviously settling in fine, “Only got yourself to blame.”

Nana clucked her tongue, eyes on Del whilst she motioned her head in G’s direction, “Funny, this one. You hearin’ this too, Del? Quite the joker we have.”

I could only grin and watch on as my seventy-three year old nan cajoled George into the chair beside hers. It quickly fell though when I heard how she was planning to spill a few stories from my childhood to him. And I couldn’t even stop her because Aunt Del was already dragging me back out of the kitchen, claiming she needed help picking up dinner from the local takeaway. George merely sent me a reassuring grin when I’d casted an alarmed glance back over my shoulder, and I felt the anxiety in me fall away. 

—

It was a long while after dinner when George and I finally got the first bit of quiet since having left Manchester.

The four of us, being Nana, George, Aunt Del and I, had all camped out in the living-room shortly after Del and I had returned to the house with a couple bags of food- fish and chips actually, from this tiny little shop up on the main road that Del had raved about. 

We’d all been more than hungry so we’d been quick settle down. The tele had been stuck straight on, the very same that’d been there a decade prior, and apparently Nana’s preference for game shows hadn’t changed either, so we’d all spaced out around it, not paying much attention to who was winning or losing. Just talking about the things you did with family.

Nana’s dog, Cyril, had plodded in from the upstairs landing as soon as he’d sniffed out the food. He was this big slobbering beast of a thing that I immediately fell in love with. A great bullmastiff with a red and fawn-coloured coat, who’d gone and plopped himself down on the tops of my feet. George had been taken with him too, cooing to him in the armchair opposite and pouting when the dog hardly spared him a glance. Both Nana and Del had chuckled, Aunt Del saying, “Cyril ain’t too fond of men- din’t give dad the time of day when he was home either. Only ever noticed him when he had a lead in his hand.” George had looked determined though. 

When the plates had been cleared away, Cyril jumped up on the sofa between Nana and I, he’d sniffed at her leg before she’d shooed him off down my end, and he did as he was told, looking over at me with these big puppy-dog eyes. I’d let him curl up beside me, head in my lap, stroking the scruff of his neck as we continued to catch up, Nana asking after George and his life. She was set on getting to know him.

A couple hours had passed before the older woman had shuffled the pair of us on up the staircase when I’d started yawning though, and Aunt Del said that she’d let Cyril out into the garden before she took off home herself, promising to pop back round the very next day. George had helped tidy the living-room away as I’d said my goodbyes to her, catching Nana in the hallway once the door had closed.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but thank you.” I’d whispered to her in the quiet warmth of the evening light that’d fluttered in. She’d simply taken my hand and gifted me a soft smile in turn.

“You were always welcome here, sweetheart. Just needed you to see it.” Nana had replied, “And anyway, I should be the one thankin’ you. Ain’t had such a lovely time since it was all of us living here together. Feels nice havin’ the house full of people again. And that lad of yours is a real charmer, in’t he? Lovely, lovely boy.”

I’d gone to correct her, mouth halfway agape when she’d just chuckled and pointed a finger up at me. “None of that now. Only known him a couple of hours but I see the way he looks at you, my love.”

It was eerily similar to what Ross had said to me all those weeks before.

“He’s patient too. Bit like your grandfather there. And gentle, which is somethin’ that’s obviously needed when knockin’ about with you. ’Cause don’t think for one second I’ve not noticed the big black eye you’re sporting under that makeup of yours, or the face you pull each time you sit or stand up.”

I’d looked away from her aged eyes, so full of emotion, to hide my guilt. Nana had only grasped my chin though and steered my face back towards her, “But that’s for another time, alright darlin’? You need sleep- must’ve been mental bein’ on all those silly trains. I’ll tell you something now, I never could step on another after the war’d ended, too many reminders, you know?”

Too many reminders. Yeah, that was something I did know. 

I’d only nodded silently at her though and the pair of us listened to the quiet murmur George had made when he’d tried once more to make friends with Cyril. Nana had chuckled and squeezed my chin between her fingers before George had stepped out into the hallway to join us, a little surprised to find us there. An apology had been on the tip of his tongue, obviously not having meant to interrupt, but Nana had swiftly cut him off, stating that she’d already made up the spare bed and laid out a few towels for us.

I’d given her cheek a gentle kiss in an unsaid thanks, still so beyond grateful, and George had followed, smiling to himself when he’d bent down for her and the older woman had whispered something in his ear. She’d shooed us on up after quickly after, patting George’s back just as Cyril trotted to stand beside her at the bottom of the stairs. Our light footsteps had trailed all the way up and then across the landing. 

So as I’d been saying, the quiet that’d settled upstairs in the far bedroom was something of a reprieve. As much as I’d loved spending time with Nana, Aunt Del, and Cyril too, it was nice to shut the door on all the noise and madness and take a second to just breathe.

The spare bedroom sat at the very front of the house, it looked out onto the street below and homed sash-windows which were currently being illuminated by the evening sun shining through. The floor was made of hardwood, glossy and dark in comparison to the lighter walls that had been panelled with pretty mouldings. A fireplace sat at one end too, directly opposite the bed, it was old, one I’d have to ask Nana about using, but had a delicate vase of lilies sat atop it as well as a brass framed mirror.

My eyes flittered about the space, taking in the ancient radio on the windowsill with its lengthy aerial, the large chest sat at the foot of the bed, as well as the wearing guitar propped up against the wall in the corner. George’s eye caught on that too and he wandered over to it first.

“Belonged to my dad.” I told him as I tiptoed over to the edge of the bed, taking a seat there as my gaze continued to roam. “It was his room, shared it with Del when they were kids but then she took over the downstairs den when she’d hit fourteen. Den’s gone now, think they knocked it through to make more room for the kitchen’s renovation after she moved out.”

George hummed and put the instrument back in its place before spinning on his heel, his gaze trailing between me and the bed. 

“You still alright to share?” I asked him, wondering if perhaps he was thinking better of it now. “I could set up the sofa if not.”

Shaking his head, George must’ve shaken off whatever other emotion that’d made him pause because he padded over to join me. “Nah, it’ll be fine.”

His voice was low and as he flopped down onto the mattress beside me I could only smile, thankful for the fact that he hadn’t changed his mind.

“Good.” I responded, grinning over at his slumped form sprawled out on the crisp white sheets, “‘Cause if you can spoon with Matty then you should be alright spending a couple nights shacked up with me.”

George snorted, hands resting on his chest, eyes turned towards the ceiling. “That’s different. We fell asleep on the settee, and he’s a cuddler.”

Still amused by the picture my mind conjured up, I hummed. “And to think you two once hated each other.”

“Wouldn’t say hate. Bit strong there, B.”

I rolled my eyes before glancing down at the spot beside him, silently deliberating. George must’ve noticed because he took my hand in his and tugged me down, laughing when I yelped in surprise.

We stayed there for a short while in silence, his fingers grazing gently at my arm, both of us listening to the heavy paws of Cyril on the stairs and the cars that passed by outside.

He inhaled a little deeper, “How you feeling then?”

I turned my head against the sheets to peer up at him. “Being here?” I questioned him and he nodded, “I feel good. Tired, but good. Happy. Didn’t realise home could feel like this, you know?”

George blew out a breath and scooted a little closer, close enough to drape an arm across the space above my head and come to rest on his side. “Do you want to talk about it now?”

I knew what he meant. He wanted to talk about that night.

I raised my good shoulder in a shrug. “Not much to say. I hope he rots in a cell for a bit though, ‘cause we both know they’ll let him back out soon enough.”

George’s jaw tightened at my words but his eyes stayed soft, locked on me. “Well I hope he finds a decent cliff and takes a dive off it.”

I shot him a look. “G..”

He shrugged, uncaring, but the gentle touch of his fingers tangling themselves into my hair was anything but. “Ain’t gonna lie to you, Birdie. He deserves worse. I-” His eyes slipped closed as he took a breath to calm himself, “Look, I can’t take back what happened. Turn back time and all that just to erase it all. But I can make sure that it never happens again.”

“You can’t be sure though, George. That’s not how life works.” I murmured into the quiet that followed his solemn assurance.

“Well it’s how it’s gonna have to work.” Was all that he replied to me. Ever so stubborn.

His eyes were still closed, that familiar warmth of his sheltered behind fluttering lids, I reached out to trail my fingers across them and then down the bridge of his nose. “This okay?”

He hummed sweetly, mouth twitching when my fingertips traced its curve. He was always so close, only ever a breath away, but even now it felt like we were toeing at invisible lines, both of us too afraid to make that jump.

“I like your nan.” He told me then and I huffed out a small chuckle at the unexpected revelation. “Del too.” He added.

“I’m glad.” I replied with a soft smile of my own, staring down at him even as he blinked his eyes back open. They roamed the entirety of my face, taking in every detail.

“They remind me of you.”

My smile broadened, pleased to hear that. “Oh yeah?”

George hummed a low confirmation. “You want to know what your Nana to me said as we were headin’ up?”

My eyes flickered up to meet his whilst I trailed over a constellation of freckles on his cheek. “What?”

He chuckled deeply, grin wrinkling his nose. “She said, run her a bath, will you? And keep the noise down if you ever do get the balls to make a move.”

A sharp laugh escaped me, eyes wide and alive. “I swear, she’s an actual menace.”

George smirked lazily, “Right though.”

I blinked, all humour suddenly lost as I stared back at him. 

“Right about what?” I asked him quietly, heart in my throat.

His hand stilled in my hair and he knocked his forehead against my own, our noses brushed just above the sheets and he gifted me the sweetest smile. “This.” He whispered back, right before he titled his head and grazed his lips against mine.

—

I’d been on a high all morning. Having woken up in George’s arms under a stream of sunlight.

There’d been a light scuffle out in the hallway, probably Nana getting up to let Cyril out, and I’d laid there listening to the gentle song of the birds outside as well as George’s quiet breathing. He looked different in this light, lashes casting dark shadows across his apples of his cheeks and lips poutier than I’d ever seen them. It’d been struggle not to reach out.

Instead, I’d reluctantly slipped from his grasp when the urge to use the loo became too much to bare and decided to finally have that bath Nana had suggested last night whilst I waited for him to wake. 

Yesterday had honestly been everything I’d been waiting for. With George I just felt so safe, so… loved. Was that a strange way to feel? Maybe it was. But I didn’t care, I thought about it though as I let the steam from the water engulf me, the heat of it doing wonders for my aching bones.

We hadn’t gone any further than kissing. Though if he had tried to cop a feel I wouldn’t of denied him. He was rather sweet about the whole thing actually and we’d spent the time afterwards shooting each other coy smiles as we got ready for bed.

I pulled myself up out of the tub once my hands had begun to wrinkle, hating the feel of it. I wrapped myself in a fluffy towel and combed through my hair once my feet had dampened the bath mat, but groaned when I realised I’d forgotten to grab some clothes beforehand.

Wiggling my jaw as I clasped my bottom lip between my forefinger and thumb, I contemplated just heading back out into the bedroom. George was probably still asleep and I could simply roll my suitcase back in here without waking him.

Yeah, that sounded like the best option.

So I took a deep breath as I silently slipped out of the bathroom and across the landing into the shared room. I was in for the shock of my life though when I spotted George sat up in bed, duvet pooled around his hips as he rubbed tiredly at his eye. His head turned towards me when he heard the handle lift and he stilled in his movements. 

I must’ve looked a right picture, frozen in the doorway with my gob halfway to the floor, and I watched a slow but obvious smirk creep across George’s features as he dropped his arm to get a good old look at me.

I narrowed my eyes in retort and feigned as much confidence as I possibly could with his eyes stuck on me, before I made my way over to where my suitcase was sat. “It’s rude to stare, you know.”

George laughed, it was a gruff and low sound, littered with sleep. “Just wonderin’ if I’m still dreamin’- nice sight to wake up to ’s all.”

I scoffed out a quiet, disbelieving chuckle, “Oh yeah, black eyes get you going, do they?”

“On you? Anything would.”

I flushed at his comment and dropped down to hide it as I worked my way through the pile of clothes I had in my case, gripping the top of my towel.

“Who are you and what have you done with George?” I tossed the question over my shoulder, still feeling his eyes on me. “‘Cause the real George would never act this shameless.”

I could feel his shrug ripple throughout the room. “Teenage boy. Besides, you know I’m the real deal ‘cause when have I ever lied to you?”

My tongue was in my cheek as I shifted through a few tops, he wasn’t wrong there. “I just forgot to grab some clothes before I jumped in the bath. Thought you’d still be asleep.”

“Woke up just before you came in.”

I hummed. Talk about timing. 

“You sleep alright?” He asked and I could hear him shuffling about now behind me. I wanted to take a peek, see what he was up to, but focused on grabbing what I needed instead.

What had he asked again? Oh, “Um, yeah actually.” Best one I’d had in weeks, if we were being painfully honest. “You?”

“Knackered after that journey yesterday but I stayed up a bit after you passed out.” George replied and I jumped ever so slightly when I felt him drape his arms over my shoulders, chin resting against the side of my head. “You look angelic even when you snore.”

I elbowed him lightly and shook my head. “I don’t snore, you knob.”

“Oh but you do.” George chuckled roughly, “Sounds a bit like this.”

He then proceeded to make horrible snoring sounds in my ear, making me cringe and forcing me to wiggle out of his grasp to escape them. “Ah don’t do that! It makes me feel all bleh.” I shivered to exaggerate the feeling whilst he simply laughed.

“What?” He exclaimed teasingly, “That’s what I had to deal with, all night!”

I chucked the top I’d been holding at him. “Idiot. And to think I let you kiss me.”

A beat passed between us and I feared I’d fucked things by bringing it up. I casted a nervous glance at him when I went to try and retrieve a hoodie or something like it.

“Surprised you broke first. Was betting that I’d have to.” George told me, wearing a lopsided grin, he walked over to the duffle that was laid open by the dresser and grabbed at a grey sweatshirt. “Here’re have this.”

I glanced down at it, then back up at his face. I took it carefully, “Thanks.”

He hummed and moved back towards the duffle to find some clothes of his own to wear.

I was then reminded of what he’d just said, “Hang on, you made a bet with yourself?”

George shot me a toothy grin, “‘You don’t do that?”

I shrugged, unsure. Hadn’t really thought about it. “So, we’re still okay then? You know-”

“After you kissed me?” He teased and I scowled.

“After you kissed me, you mean.”

“Whatever you say, Birdie. But I ‘spose we’ll never truly know.” He was being a twat.

“You’re being a twat.” I told him rightly, but unable to help my light chuckle, “You know you kissed me first.”

He hummed, unconvinced.

“G!” I complained but he merely laughed before waving me off.

“Go get changed, will you?”

“Why?” I challenged him, a bundle of clothes tucked up under my arm. “I’m rather alright as I am, thanks.”

“‘Cause you’re driving me half mad stood there like that.” He quipped back with a hand extended out towards me, “Besides, your nan will come looking if neither one of us turns up to breakfast.”

I grinned, “Reckon I’m that easy do you, Georgie?”

He paused and stopped his riffling to meet my gaze head-on. “No, I just know that if you’d let me I’d spend as long as I could admiring every part of you.”

Pursing my lips to fight my smile, I said, “Nana was right about another thing.”

George titled his head at me, sporting a pleased grin. “And what would that be?”

“You, George Daniel, are a right charmer.”

He snorted with a roll of his eyes then turned back to his duffle. “You love it.” He snarked back, sounding sure.

And he had every right to be, because that was one of the many things I loved about him.

Part Twenty-five>

[anotherpage-inthe-book]

March 30th - April 25th

April 5th 2023

Apologies in advance cause this post is going to be lonnnnnnnng but I have chosen to share something very personal and real. So here it goes;

I always knew I wanted children. I have known ever since I was old enough to comprehend what having children & a family would actually mean. I was always set on having a baby the good old fashioned way. Toughing it out and delivering vaginally. Of course, I always understood that things could happen and that circumstances could change. Although, that couldn’t happen to me... right? Wrong.

When I first found out I was pregnant with our daughter, I was in disbelief. I think I bought about seven or eight pregnancy tests because I was in such disbelief at the first one. The initial feeling of ‘oh my god’, quickly turned into, ‘OH MY GOD I’M HAVING A BABY!’. I went into our room and told my partner (let’s call him J) I needed to talk to him about something. After he had finished up on his computer, I held out 3 positive pregnancy tests. J said, “Why are you showing me your positive COVID test”. He quickly realised it wasn’t a COVID test and he was over the moon.

Fast forward to being 33 weeks pregnant; I had done all of my scans. Which showed normal growth, normal sizing, and most importantly, a healthy baby. I had done not one, but two glucose tolerance tests. I found them not to be as bad as what everyone says they are. It just tastes like really strong lemon cordial. I had all my blood work come back normal, with just a minor iron deficiency. This is very common in pregnancies because bubba gets majority of it. I had just finished at my last growth scan and was headed home. I was feeling good, I had just seen my baby girl and was told/shown that she was measuring well and was healthy. As to be expected, I had gained some weight from being pregnant. Although, I was just happy that our baby was getting the nutrition she needed.

It was about 9:30, just after my Mother was due to start work, when I started to get a headache. So I had some water and went to bed. I woke up around midnight with a pounding headache, seeing stars in my vision and just feeling unwell and not myself. I messaged Mum and told her what was going on. She told me to get J to help take my blood pressure, have some Panadol & water and lie down with calming rain sounds to help. J helped me do my BP, which I thought was relatively okay (given I was a tad agitated and in pain from my headache). So I did what Mum told me to do and went to sleep. Woke up the next day and was feeling my normal self, so I went about my day as normal.

That evening, I started to feel the same way that I felt the previous night. This time, I kept it to myself. I thought it would go away just like it did the night before. Around 5/6pm, I went outside and sat in the pool because this strange feeling just wouldn’t go away. I spent a good 30-45 minutes out there. I went inside for dinner and to chill out whilst I tried to figure out what was causing me to feel so off.

Mum and I sat in the lounge room, watching TV, when she asked me if I wanted her to do my blood pressure. She asked because I was looking agitated and uncomfortable. She did it, and when I looked at her to ask how it was, she had this smile on her face. It was the type of smile one gives another person when they are trying to dull down how serious a situation. I asked Mum if it was good or bad. She just said, “I think you need to call the hospital and see what they say.” My blood pressure was 180/100mmHg. Which is very, very high.

I rang the maternity ward at the hospital. Sure enough, they said I needed to come in as soon as possible. We quickly packed a small bag with all the essentials for a SHORT hospital stay. I thought that we would only be in overnight and maybe the next day. When J and I got to the hospital, the first thing they did was reassess my blood pressure, take a urine sample, and some blood tests. All came back elevated. My blood pressure remained alarmingly high. My urine test came back with elevated protein and my bloods were marginally worrisome. I just kept asking if the baby was okay. I kept asking if this was causing her distress and what we could do to stop it. I was given medication, after medication, to try and bring my blood pressure down. However, nothing was seeming to work definitively. After multiple doses of anti-hypertensives, my blood pressure started to plateau around the 140-150’s. This was still not ideal, but better than what it was. I was feeling like rubbish at this point because of the anti hypertensives, pain medication, antacids, and anti nausea medications I had been given.

Our doctor came in at around 1am. She was was able to give us some news that, quite literally, made me sick to my stomach. It was from nerves, stress, and an entire range of other emotions. I was diagnosed with sudden onset severe pre-eclampsia. She told me that, if left untreated, could be fatal to Bub and I.

Preeclampsia is a complication of pregnancy which is detected by women having high blood pressure, high levels of protein in their urine (that indicates kidney damage) and/or other signs of organ damage such as epigastric pain (indicating the liver damage). The doctor then told me that I would be staying for almost 2 weeks. However, it ended up being a few days longer. It was all starting to make sense and fall apart, simultaneously. My general feeling of being unwell, the headaches, the rapid weight gain and fluid retention (I probably tripled in size within a week due to fluid retention which was a big yikes), the blurred vision and visual disturbances; the lot. And I was sick, I mean physically I threw up after we were told. I think it was from anxiety but it was probably because of all the medications I had been given. Our doctor reassured us and tried to calm our nerves, but I know I was out of my mind worried about bubba. As was J. Funnily enough, our daughter was healthy and unaffected by what was going on & it was my body that wasn’t coping however that very well could’ve changed at any given time.

That first night I would like to say was the worst it got. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. I was admitted to the maternity ward the next day where we received nothing but the best from the midwives. They were kind, caring, and were always checking in on us to see how we were coping. I think it was because they could see the mental and physical toll it was taking on not only me, but J and my Mum as well. During my stay on the ward, I had multiple different tests and scans to monitor by blood pressure, kidney, liver functions, and my overall health. I won’t lie, I really was unaware as to how unwell I was and how serious the situation was.

Due to the severity of my preeclampsia, we were told that our daughter would probably have to be born early around 37 weeks. At 37 weeks, a baby is considered to be full term. They have fully mature lungs, as the baby is getting ready to be born. I had asked the doctor, and the midwife, if it was still possible to follow our birthing plan of having a water birth. Unfortunately, as we were now a ‘high risk’ pregnancy, a water birth was out of the question. Then came the question of, "will I be able to have a vaginal birth with our baby?". This was an aspect of pregnancy that I was actually very eager to be able to experience. Originally, I wanted a water birth with as minimal medical intervention as possible. I felt like, as painful as Labor may be, it would be equally as beautiful to be able to bring our daughter into the world this way. My treating doctor told me that, although labor was not impossible, it was highly unlikely that I would be able to safely go through labor. She explained that I would likely need to have a caesarean. I was obviously 100% on board with whatever our little baby needed to be happy and healthy, but it still felt like I was stripped of having the birthing experience that I wanted.

It was a few days after I was admitted that we were informed that we wouldn’t be able to make it to 37 weeks. The doctors were worried my body and organs would give up due to the stress they were under. I said to the doctors I would at least get to 34 weeks (which was 4 days away). They were hesitant to wait that long. I thought I would be able to, because it was only just a bit of high blood pressure right? Clearly I was in a bit of denial about everything. Over the next few days, I had multiple blood tests, CTGS and vital signs attended. All showing that my body was struggling. My liver functions were declining. My kidneys were struggling. I was struggling to move due to the fluid retention. I was having issues breathing and doing everyday activities that I usually would’ve been able to do independently. My blood pressure, although much more controlled due to being on two different anti hypertensives 4-5 times a day, was still elevated. The CTG’s weren’t bad, but they weren’t good. So I was sent for an ultrasound to check on the baby’s measurements & they showed that the baby was measuring smaller than expected. Meaning she wasn’t getting everything she needed to grow healthily. That’s where I actually became concerned.

It all came to a head the morning of the 05/04/23, after a shitty sleep and another 2-3 hour CTG tracing. Mum had stayed overnight with me (she and J often took turns doing this). I turned to her and said, “I can’t do this anymore”. She could already see how exhausted I was (physically and mentally). I made a decision to let the treating team know that I needed something to be done that day. We weren’t seen by the initial obstetrician. Another obstetrician (let’s call him Doctor A) who works along side the obstetric team came to review me. Straight away, he asked how long the CTG trace had been trending that way. He asked how long it had been on for, if anyone was monitoring it, and what was the point if nothing was being done about it. The doctor asked me a few more questions about how I was feeling. They asked if I was I struggling, coping, etc... I told him that I was trying to make it to the 34 week mark, but I was unsure how much longer my physical and mental health could last. He left to discuss things with ‘the team�� and to see if a decision would be made that day. Around lunchtime, Mum and I had just taken a bite of our sandwiches when Doctor A came back. He asked how I felt about having a baby that afternoon. It was a definitive ‘let’s have a baby’. Mum and I (more so Mum who is a midwife and wasn’t letting on just how unwell and dangerous my situation was) felt relieved. Someone had decided on a plan, instead of just sitting and waiting.

That afternoon, after a quick phone call to J telling him to get his ass to the hospital ASAP, I was prepped. We went downstairs where we were about to meet our little girl. After about 45 minutes of trying to be cannulated, I was wheeled into the theatre room. They told me what the process would be, how long things would take, etc... It was time for me to have a spinal anaesthetic (that thing with the big needle. The one that numbs you so you don’t feel anything. Yeah... That thing...). I will admit that it was not as bad as I expected. It took two tries, but the most unpleasant part of it was losing feeling and control of my legs so fast. I still had to try and move around to get into position, but that’s just me whining. It all happened pretty quick after the spinal anaethetic. Or that’s how it felt to me at least. The anaesthetist asked us what we would like to listen to, music wise, whilst the procedure was happening. Obviously, it was a no brainer. The 1975 was the only option. Before we knew it, the doctor was telling us to "look up... look here....", and there she was. Our little girl. She was looking like a “mandrake” from Harry Potter, but she was healthy, breathing on her own, and squawking.

I think I was in some kind of trance or something, because it was all feeling so surreal. I mean... This little bundle of love wasn’t due for another month and a half. Yet here she was wrapped up in a blanket and in her Dad's arms. It's safe to say that I was in a bit of shock, but the best kind. It was a pretty quick ending of the caesarean. I was stitched back up and sent round to recovery, whilst Dad and Bub went to the special care nursery. This is where we would spend the next few weeks. I think I was delirious after everything happening so quickly, but I was stable. When I was taken back to the ward, the first thing I asked was "When can I see bub?" and "How is she doing?". Being wheeled back into an empty maternity ward room without my husband, my mother , or baby was very confronting. I felt alone, but not upset, because I knew they were with my baby girl. I felt really good. I think it was the best I had felt since I had been in the hospital.

However, after I returned to the ward, my midwife attended my vital signs. My blood pressure and other symptoms resulted in her calling a medical emergency. I was given more medication and they increased my observations overnight. Unfortunately, I had another medical emergency. They sent me back to the birth suit for 1:1 care. I had a 24 hour magnesium sulfate infusion running (to help bring down my blood pressure). I had a catheter re-inserted (was not a happy little Vegemite) and I spent the next 24hours having half hourly vital signs, hourly catheter output/input measures, and barely any sleep. This entire time, I hadn't even been able to hold my baby yet. I had minutes with her briefly, after she was born, before she was wrapped up and sent up to the special care nursery. It was a lot to internalise. I felt guilty because I hadn’t been able to cuddle our little girl since she had entered the world. During the night spent in birth suite, the midwife that took care of me was nothing but an angel. She could obviously see the toll that not being able to see (or hold) our baby was having on me. She could see how uncomfortable I was with being pricked, prodded, and my catheter blocking. I think it was just after 11pm when, after checking my blood pressure, our midwife said we could go and see our daughter. She would have to accompany us as I had IV’s running and I would have to go in a wheelchair, given my recent surgical wound and how unwell I was.

Seeing our little girl in the incubator, with an IV line in (along with all the other lines), was the hardest thing I think either of us have had to see. Seeing a little baby with lines and tubes in is hard; but when it is your child, I think it just stings that little bit more. Our daughter weighed 1780 grams when she was born. Our daughter had a nasogastric tube inserted, as she was too little to breastfeed or bottle feed. This was another blow, as I felt like I was letting my baby down by not being able to breastfeed. She was given IV glucose drips until she decided to yank her IV out. Just like her mother, she gave the doctor’s a challenge to reinsert the IV. Ultimately, they gave up because she was doing so well on just her 3r hourly feeds via the feeding tube. Her feeds were majority expressed breast milk, but in the beginning days (when my milk supply was just coming in) she had formula as a substitute. It was a relief that once my milk did start flowing. I was able to express and bottle it for her without any issues. I think we had about 6-7 litres of frozen breast milk in our freezer at one point. It was one less thing to worry about, given everything we had going on. Our daughter spent almost 4 weeks in the special care nursery. She recieved the absolute best care possible. I cannot thank the nurses and midwives enough for the care they gave my daughter & I. After those four weeks, we brought our little girl home. She looked a little bit funny sitting in such a big car seat.

4 weeks of visiting the hospital at all hours of the day. The hours spent holding our baby girl, giving her the tube feeds, changing her nappies, leaving the hospital in tears, feeling like the world was against me and sleepless nights at home wishing our baby was at home with us; it was a very tough time. I remember speaking to J in the hospital cafeteria “I feel like the world is against me, like I’m the butt of a bad joke and it’s not fair”. The guilt I felt over leaving our girl... I would leave the hospital either in tears, or angry at the world for our situation. I felt a lot of emotions at once. I was feeling guilty for not being able to hold my new baby and have a normal first interaction with our daughter. I missed out on the first few hours of skin to skin contact... Just because I was sick? I was angry at myself for being unwell and I felt like I had let our daughter down, beause I wasn’t there. I still get angry at times over this and it’s still something I have to deal with on the daily.

I take my hat off to all midwives, special care nurses, and neonatal nurses. I could not do what they do. Our daughter received the absolute best care from the most beautiful people in the special care nursery. We were reassured and checked in on every time we were there. They had offered support, given education, and assisted with her care when it was our turn to take the ropes. Those amazing people will always hold a special place in our hearts. I will never forget the kindness and care given to our family, especially when I wasn’t well enough to be able to.

I spent two weeks in hospital being pricked with needles, having constant CTG’s to monitor the baby, multiple blood tests, scans, and had numerous sleepless nights. I even had two emergency calls due to my BP being elevated. I had sudden weight gain and large amounts of swelling all over my body. The swelling was not just in my legs, but my arms and fingers as well. My hands still tingle from time to time due to the swelling and carpal tunnel I experienced. I was retaining large amounts of fluid, which was shown by my size and by how difficult it was for me to physically move. I have never felt so humiliated and disgusting. I relied on others to be able to help me move, wash, and do everything I am usually able to do.

I have never thought so lowly of myself. I refused to look in the mirror in the bathroom because I thought I looked disgusting and gross. I still felt this way after being told it wasn’t actual weight, it was the oedema that caused me to get so big. I have to continue to remind myself that the strectch marks and baggy skin is a normal part of pregnancy. I have bruises and scars from constantly being stuck with needles, multiple cannulas, and having blood tests. My liver functions and renal functions are only now starting to improve. However, I’ve had multiple follow ups with doctors from different departments and my GP to monitor these. I physically feel weaker. I can feel when my muscles are close to giving up, but that is slowly starting to change since I started exercising again. I struggle with anxiety from leaving the house, wondering if our daughter is unwell, and taking her out in public. Although, I am starting to slowly get better at managing these anxieties. I am still struggling to deal with how my body looked/looks now. Body image has always been a big issue for me. It will be an ongoing process, but one step at a time. Walking by myself, and walking with our daughter, has helped me cope with a lot of these negative thoughts. It has helped my mental and physical health immensely.

I’m slowly learning to accept that, while I might not have experienced giving birth how I would’ve liked, I am so very blessed and thankful to have a healthy and happy baby girl. She is thriving and becoming her own (very small) person. I have been left with some physical and mental scars from this entire ordeal, but I remind myself everyday about how lucky I am. I'm a Mum and our baby made it home safely. It has taken my almost 3 months for me to finally finish writing this. It brought back a lot of negative thoughts and upsetting memories, but getting my thoughts out on paper has helped me process this traumatic (yet wonderful) experience. It’s also made me so thankful that our little girl, who is just like her Mumma, is tough and resilient. Seeing her smile and laugh, makes everything I went through worth it.

[bellabeebe]

⚠ CHAPTER TWO: RUIN ⚠

(trigger warning: blood, bites, grief, implication of self-hate, childhood abandonment, grief)

Lindsay wouldn't talk to anyone. Not even Tyler. Her happy, bubbly self was lost.

She isolated herself from everyone, and now suddenly hated physical touch. She insisted that she would sleep on the floor and didn't let anyone join her. The only person that she wanted to join her was Beth. She missed her an awful lot.

No words could describe how distraught she was the moment Beth was killed. Her heart felt like it had been yanked right out of her chest and crushed.

Since that day, she had been angered by anything. When Tyler tried to hug her or comfort her, she snapped, or when Courtney tried to make her help with protection. All the little things ticked her off. This would never have happened if she had just taken a stand...

Tyler smiled at Lindsay comfortingly, patting the spot next to him on the couch. Lindsay's brows furrowed with sympathy, then anger. She stormed out of the room, Tyler calling anxiously after her. The bathroom was frequently visited by Lindsay in the past few days. She resorted to throwing up and sobbing there, where no one was near.

This zombie apocalypse had changed her so much - it had completely altered her prior personality. She weakly opened the bathroom door, staring at the polished interior. The walls were tiled and pearly, the cubicles perfectly aligned in a row. She stood in front of the mirror.

The girl she was only a few days ago had disappeared, leaving her exhausted outer shell. Large purple eye bags showed and her hair was greasy. This was very unlike her, as she treasured her hygiene.

She washed her face. Tears came to her eyes as she thought about Beth. It was so unfair - why her? In no time at all, Lindsay found herself sobbing and shaking, feeling the burning sensation in her throat directly before throwing up. 

All her anger and hate came flooding from her and she screamed. Her voice warbled and wobbled. This was the type of scream you would hear when being killed.

She heard rapid footsteps approaching the door and Heather burst in, staring at her in terror. "Are you alright?!" She gasped. Lindsay collapsed to her knees and murmured, 

"What did I do wrong? Why is this happening?"

Heather grasped onto the sobbing Lindsay. Lindsay was about to edge away from her when she realized how nice this felt. To be comforted. She felt that Tyler needed a big apology.

"Lindsay, look at me. Look at me!" Heather demanded pleadingly. Lindsay did as asked. "You have done nothing wrong at all. None of this is your fault. Please do not blame yourself. You are not a bad friend, do you hear me?" Heather asked, her mind spinning. Lindsay may be one of the best friends she had ever made, and it truly hurt her that Lindsay did not agree.

Heather helped Lindsay to stand up and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Come on, Linds, let's get you back."

Lindsay timidly ambled toward Tyler, sitting down beside him. He looked at her in relief. "I'm sorry... I was being a terrible girlfriend!" Lindsay wept. Tyler wiped her tears and smiled at her. "Lindsay, I understand. Dealing with something like that must be hard. I know. My mum left my dad and I when I was little. I always thought she'd come back, but she never did. I learned to appreciate those around me, though, like my dad and friends. I knew they'd never leave. Maybe you should do the same."

"But how do I know my friends won't leave? That you won't leave?" Lindsay held onto Tyler, covering herself with a blanket.

Tyler softly replied, "You know I'll never leave you, neither will Heather! She's one of your best friends, right?" Lindsay nodded. Heather had had a past of being manipulative, and the two weren't the best of friends then, but Heather grew to be more kind. She presumed that Tyler wouldn't leave, though - he was her boyfriend! Weren't they supposed to stay?   

Later on in the day, Courtney gathered everyone for a meeting. Trent sighed with annoyance - why did Courtney have to be so bossy, and who put her in charge?

"Listen, everyone! Bad news - we have run out of food." She retorted, nervously laughing.

"Oh God.. that means-" Noah was interrupted.

"Yes, Noah, we need to go outside to get some more. Who would like to accompany me?" There was silence all around the room until several hands were raised. "Right!"

Eva, Izzy, Harold, Ezekiel, Duncan, Heather, and Alejandro had raised their hands. Courtney sorted everyone into groups of two - Eva, Ezekiel, Harold, and Izzy in one group, Duncan, Heather, Alejandro, and Courtney in the other. Courtney told those who were staying to hide and lock all doors.

Once outside, the two groups feasted their eyes on chaos. The entire town was in wreckage, and rubble was scattered everywhere. Dead bodies cluttered the floor, blood and bones all around. Heather gagged. Eva gestured for her team to follow her. There was a grocery store not far from the hall, but all supplies had most likely been taken. Courtney told her group to head for the same place, but Heather had other ideas.

"My family runs a convenience store near my house - it's always packed with food!" Heather beamed, Alejandro quickly seconding her plan. Courtney groaned, but followed. Duncan laughed and nudged her, "Looks like Heather's the boss for once!" Courtney shot him a stern look but then showed a crooked grin. "Oh, shut up."

Back in the hall, the 14 remaining contestants were all huddled in a corner behind a large bookshelf. They decided to talk to keep each other busy. The 3 remaining members of The Drama Brothers were worried sick about Harold. "D'you think he's okay?" Cody asked. Justin nodded - Harold knew martial arts. But Justin's mind wasn't only on Harold, for he was worried about Ezekiel too.

Katie, Sadie, and Sierra chatted about makeup and Sierra's ever-growing fan page on Total Drama. She pulled out her phone and scrolled so the two could see. "OMG, woah!" Sadie gazed at it in awe. Katie complimented her hard work, much to Sierra's excitement.

Owen, DJ, Tyler, Noah, and Geoff played spin the bottle with an empty whiskey bottle. Bridgette lay asleep in a blanket next to Geoff. Leshawna, Gwen, and Lindsay gossipped about boys and such.

In short, they were having a great time together.

Eva and her group had invaded the grocery store in question and were ready to grab some food. Harold heard a noise, though. A groan. This sound was almost identical to a zombie's call. This was his time! He wanted to make Leshawna proud. He found a shotgun behind the counter and loaded it. The noise only got nearer and nearer until it was present just outside the door.

Izzy shrieked, hiding behind Eva. Ezekiel leaped behind the counter and watched as Harold readied the gun and shot. But he missed. And there was only one bullet in the gun. The zombie was quick, too quick for Harold to keep up with. Eva tried to defend him, but the boy told her that her help was unnecessary.

The zombie didn't waste any time, leaned over eagerly, and sunk their teeth into his soft flesh. "Ah!" He winced, toppling over. Izzy looked around frantically. She punched through the glass of the freezer food compartment and grabbed a shard. Then she yelled and stabbed the glass through the beast's face, killing it.

"Harold... are- are you alright?" Ezekiel asked. The kind, caring boy who had once been known as Harold had now transformed. He wasn't human anymore. He was a zombie.   

Tears formed in Zeke's eyes and he felt he needed to take action. Harold was no longer pacifist - he looked back at the remaining group members with vigor in his eyes. 

He wanted to kill them.

'was i meant to feel happy that my life was just about to change?' - Are You Satisfied, MARINA

[leontyne]

I lost my mother last week. You know this kind of thing happens.. it's almost guaranteed to lose your parents, unless something terrible happens and your parents lose you first. I know it could.. but nothing can prepare you for it.

My mother had 5 children. I was her 3rd and only girl. When I was younger I remember getting upset about not getting a sister. My brothers had a sister and 3 brothers. I had 4 brothers and no sister.

My mum handled it like a champ of course. She wanted more girls but 5 was her limit of tries. So her solution was to step in for anything I might need a sister for. Helping me pick clothes, doing my hair, helping with makeup, explaining puberty, answering embarrassing questions, hyping me up when I needed, befriending my friends, pushing me when I needed it, giving me the tough talks.

My mother became my best friend and I never once got embarrassed by her despite her worrying qbout that. Alot. She'd ask if I'd rather go to this movie with friends or hang out with someone else for the day instead of her. No. Of course not. I was so proud to have such a wonderful mum. She was fun, smart, hilarious, caring, brave, protective, beautiful, kind and so incredibly good. How could I ever not want to spend time with her?

Some of my friends had different relationships with their mums, ranging from the typical "That's my mum, she buys me stuff and cooks for us and helps me when I get hurt. I love her" to the "She's so annoying, why can't she just leave me alone" relationships. If I had to hang out with friends that treated their mums like c**p for no reason I'd go home and immediately crawl into my mums arm and hug her (even as an adult) and tell her about how horrid they were to their mum and how I could never do that. She always hugged me tighter at those times.

She got sick 3 years ago, and after months of blood tests and iron infusions she ended up in the ER and was admitted and kept for 18 months. Eventually she was diagnosed with Refactory Celiacs and they started trial drugs and treatment. After her bone marrow transplant and chemo she stabilized enough to come home, not because she was better but because her mental health was so low from being away from home for so long that the doctors and nurses insisted she should be allowed home.

Home helped her happiness but the pain never left, the symptoms never left, the disadvantages and restrictions never left. She persisted though. She had to go back sometimes when an infection came up or she lost too much blood or, as her last admittance, she had difficulty breathing.

Her last stay was 2 months long. She couldn't breathe easy which they'd found shadows on her lungs but biopsies showed nothing. Her right arm was no longer responsive, she'd be lucky to move her fingers. Doctors did a few lumbar punctures but only found 2 types of t-cells present. Her last operation was to get more punctures but they took too few so they were rescheduling. Her liver and kidneys were failing because of her TPN but she was dependent on that so she was told she'd be eligible for organ transplants as she didn't drink or smoke.

She also developed an infection they diagnosed as staff a week before her passing before changing that to sepsis as her oxygen got so low they had to keep uping her delivery of such (nose hoses, then mask, then hood, then eventually the throat tube). She was moved to ICU, put on every antibiotic they can physically put in her body, put her in an induced coma and hooked her up to the oxygen tube and dialysis. 6 hours later we got a call from ICU saying she had took a turn and another 6 hours of sitting by her side holding her hand, still in her coma, they had to start turning the machines off.

My world narrowed at that point, and we hyper focused on mums funeral which we had yesterday. It's been a complete blur and I'm still struggling to understand that she's not here. I reach for my phone to call her. I push share on a cute puppy video. I order her lollies and get excited to surprise her. I hear something funny and have it half typed out before I stop. I look towards her chair to smile at her. I sit in her seat in the car and plan to move when we pick her up despite that not being the meaning of the trip. I write another chapter but I can't get her to read it. I push my anxiety limits and fears and beat them but I can't tell her or see her massive grin and hear her tell me how so very proud she is and plan with her what we'll do when we're both better. I cry from my thoughts and heart. In public. In private. I cry hard, loud and I can't stop until I'm exhausted. I can't look at my ceiling because she covered it with glow in the dark stars when I was 20 while I was at work. Half my books she bought me. Half my plushies she bought me. Half my clothes she bought me. Half my room is her and memories of her. Her dogs, her cat, her photos, her seat, her trinkets, her renovations, her art, her tissues, her lollies, her hoodie, her shoes, her spare room/clean room, her blankets, her pillows, her everything is everywhere..

My mother was my biggest fan, my rock, my best friend and the bravest person I knew and I can't wrap my head around not being able to speak to her again.. she is everywhere but nowhere to be found. I catch myself talking aloud to her. I talk to her in my mind and memos and I say our catch phrases and my laugh is hers and my smile is hers and my face is hers and I'm so so.. numb.. empty.. lost.. broken. I'm 32, my mother was 53. I thought I'd have so many more years with her.. but now she won't see my wedding, or any of the boys. She wont meet any of my kids or any more added by the boys. She wont help me move or drive or write or pick me up after a break up or help me with advice for wooing a pretty girl or picking my next pair of converse or drag me to watch ANOTHER Fast and Furious movie or get to watch the 2nd season of Wednesday or go camping again.. she had so many plans.. and I don't like knowing how quickly all of that.. life.. is gone. I'm terrified and heartbroken and angry qnd I can't even go to the one person who could help me sort through it.

My mother was the biggest part of my life and now that part is gone and I have no idea what to do.. I'm eating because she'd want me to. I'm sleeping because she'd want me to. I'm going outside and talking because she'd want me to. I'm keeping in contact with the boys because she'd want me to. I'm keeping dad grounded because she'd want me to. But I don't want anything.. I don't know how to deal with that.. so instead I'm here writing a long a** post that will not be read and hoping it helps my heart feel a little less like a broken mess.

[renee-writer]

Young Turks Chapter 21

AO3

“I don’t want to tell anyone until we know.” They sit in the exam room, waiting on the midwife.

 

“You don’t trust the blood test?” he questions.

 

“I do. I mean, know that all is alright and that the baby is staying.”

 

He knows her mum had several miscarriages before Harriet came. He won’t try to talk her out of her fears. Instead, he nods and takes her hand.  He feels her breath  let out in relief as she rests her head against him.

 

“Hi, I am Annie and will be your midwife. You are Claire and Jamie, right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Very good. Didn’t wish to be in the wrong room.” Her sense of humor helps but Claire at ease. She grins at her. “Claire, I need you to lay back. Jamie, please have a seat over there.”

 

He moves to the seat beside the table as Claire lays back.

 

“This is the sucky part. The good news, I won’t have to do it every time. Must visits will just be weighing you, checking your urine, and measuring baby. Later, sonograms, fetal heart tones and that type of really cool stuff. A pelvic is done now to establish the pregnancy is there and is secure.”

 

“Understand.” She says. Her eyes close as Annie begins the exam. She focuses on breathing as the speculum is inserted and she is opened up.

 

“Everything alright?” Jamie asks.

 

“Just fine, daddy.  A well established pregnancy with a tightly closed cervix. Just what we want to see.”

 

“Thank God.” Claire says. The equipment is removed and her uterus is measured

 

“You are measuring seven weeks.” They are told.

 

“Awesome.”

 

“Annie I have a question.”

 

“Of course Claire.” She takes a seat by the table.

 

“My mum had three miscarriages between my sister and I. Is it, are they like genetic?”

 

“No. We have discovered no genetic link between a mum and daughter that involves miscarriages. In truth, unless it is late enough that test can be done on the baby, most miscarriages are never solved. We don’t know why they happen. I understand your worry. I can say that I see no reason that you won’t carry this pregnancy to term. Also, you are more then have way through the time that most occur.”

 

“Thank you. That helps.”

 

“You call the service if you have any concerns. Okay. If something just feels off. Any weird pain, though with the normal stretching and loosening of your body during this time, twinges in strange places happen. But, if it worries you, it worries me and I will check it out. Okay?”

 

“Okay. Thank you. It really helps a lot.”

 

“Excellent. Let’s  get you sat up and discuss diet and exercise, morning sickness, a misnomer by the way, happens all the time, prenatal vitamins, and the like. Will also give you an estimated date of confinement, aka due date. Now, don’t take it as gospel. Very few babies arrive on their due date.  It should more properly be called, due month as they can come two weeks before or after.”

 

It is a lot and they are both happy pamphlets come with each topic. They leave, an hour after entering with a stack of them, a receipt for prenatal vitamins, and a due date of April 9th.

[wlwsoccerfics]

First Period(LucyBronzeXKeiraWalshXOnaBatlleXTeenReader)

A/N: i hope you enjoy my take on your request. This takes place in the same Verse as 'Unexpected' & 'it has been a while'

Warnings: mentions of periods, blood, diabetes Type 1. This Is filled with some personal experience i had.

summary: you are at national camp with your mom & Mama and get your first period.

The last couple of days you have had been feeling weird. Some pain in your lower back and you felt like your sugar was acting up more than usual. Your girlfriend sure noticed it as well.

Today you found out why. You had gotten your first period. Honestly you weren't that surprised because you were expecting it to happen at some point. You knew what to do cause your moms had explained everything to you. And Mattea, your girlfriend gave you Pads & tampons so you got that covered as well.

You now where on your way to tell your mama and Mom. And you would call your Mami(Ona) later to let her know about it as well.

Mattea was walking with you.

"i could have done without the pain in my guts!" You spoke up.

"yeah i won't lie it sucks! But you have gotten through worse. Like you are one tough cookie, Babe!" Mattea said softly. You offered her a soft smile.

Reaching the Hotel Restaurant, grabbing some breakfast before sitting down at a table with Your Mama, your Mom , Beth & Leah.

"good morning sunshine!morning Mattea!" Your Mom greeted you and smiled gently. You smiled back.

"morning." You replied and tried to find a comfortable position to sit, but your back pain was to the roof now. It basically came out of nowhere.

"you okay, kiddo?" Leah asked.

"i wanted to let you know that i got my first period and it sucks. It already is giving me problems!" You admitted.

"aww my sweet Baby isn't a Baby anymore!" Your Mama said and she looked like she was about to cry.

"Mama don't make a big deal out of it, please! Don't cry!" You answered and gently took her hand. Squeezing it gently.

"you know what to do?" Leah asked.

"yeah i got that covered. I have three moms! The period talk was years ago. Followed by the sex talk a few years later!" You let your captain/aunt know. Which resulted in a soft chuckle from Beth and your moms.

"that's true! You are quite lucky to have three loving parents!" Leah stated.

"indeed i am!" You admitted. Sighing softly because you hated the pain already.

"okay ,eat your food sweets. You really need it." Your Mama answered.

"and after that maybe try out a hot water bottle before we have practice." Your Mom suggested.

"i will give that a try!" You said, eating your breakfast at first.

After that you walked back to your room, the stomach pain was getting worse by the minute. So Mattea walked next to you. An arm wrapped around your waist.

"i am gonna call my Mami!" You informed her.

"that does sound like a plan!" She stated and offered you a smile. Mattea went to grab her water bottle from her room while you Facetimed your Mami.

"¡Hola cariño!" Your mami said, smiling at you.

"Hola mami. ¡Tengo algo que decirte!" ( hi Mami. i have something to tell you! )

"¿está todo bien?" ( is everything okay? )

You Mami was looking quite concerned now.

"Sí, me vino el período." ( yes. I got my period. ) You let her know.

"¡Mi bebé ya ha crecido!" ( my baby is all grown up! )

"Mamá dijo lo mismo." ( mama said the same. ) You replied with a giggle.

Your Mami gave you some tips on how to make the pain less bad. Which you appreciated. Soon Mattea was back with the hot water bottle.

You cuddled up with her on the bed and had the hot water bottle on your stomach. Resting until it was time to go to morning practice.

You walked to the pitch. Now have taken some pain Killers cause you felt like crap. And you couldn't believe you were actually waiting to get your period for the first time. You did regret that now and wished it would go away.

Your teammates had asked you If you were okay cause appearently you were sporting a painful expression. You explained to them that you had just gotten your first period.

"Not gonna lie, periods really suck!" Chloe told you.

"yeah they do! But i think it gets easier once you know what to fully expect!" Grace replied.

"i will keep that in mind! Right now it's hard to believe that i will get used to it!" You admitted. Honestly no one could blame you because you could barely stand straight.

"Muffin? Are you okay?" Your Mama asked, walking over. You blushed softly at the nickname.

"Mama, why the nickname?" You stated. Clearly embarrassed.

"it's my job to embarrass you a little!" She answered.

"See what i have to do deal with?" You said jokingly and looked at Grace & Chloe. The two were laughing.

You started doing drills. Feeling more and more lightheaded but you managed to pull through. Until you were dribbling the ball through some cones and you were about to kick it towards the Goal when everything was spinning and down your went onto the grass passed out.

"Love Bug!" Your Mom said and ran over. Followed by your Mama and basically the entire Team.

"Babe? Wake up!" Mattea yelled out. Gently pinching your arm. But you didn't wake up yet. Sarina calling the medics over.

"y/n? Please wake up my sweet girl!" Your Mama whispered out. The medics checked your head and thankfully there was no bump or anything. And after placing a wet towel on your forehead you slowly woke up again.

"oh thank god!" Your Mom breathed out.

Your Mom and Mama went back inside with you so you could get another Check up. The medics said you should get some blood Work done at some point cause some Girls with periods struggle with iron deficiency. Your Mami called your moms Phone cause she saw a leaked Video of you passing out.

"Lucia, ¿cómo está nuestra novia? ¡Vi el video de ella desmayándose!" ( lucia, how is our sweetheart? i saw the video of her passing out! ) She asked right away.

"¡Estoy bien mami!" ( i am fine Mami! ) You told her, cause your Mom had her phone on speaker.

"¿Escuchaste eso? ¡Nuestra hija está bien, amor!" ( did you hear that? our daughter is okay, love! ) Your Mom replied softly.

"¡No quise asustarlos a todos!" ( didn't mean to scare all of you! ) You admitted and sighed softly.

You talked some more with all three of your moms before your Mom walked back to the room you shared with her. Your Mama was talking to your Mami about making an appointment for you at the gynecologist.

You were quite thankful that you had three loving moms and lots of aunts at the Camp you could talk to when you had questions and that you didn't have to be embarrassed about anything. Cause there was nothing embarrassing about periods.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

101 of 2025

Do you currently have any medicine in your bag / purse / etc? If so, what kind?

Yeah, I prepared my morning meds for work. Two epilepsy medications, one for stomach protection, one blood thinner and one antidepressant.

What do you like on your pasta / noodles? Sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.?

Bolognese sauce or that creamy tomato sauce with mushrooms, and lots of cheese.

Ultimately, do you believe nature controls man or that man controls nature? Explain.

Ultimately, nature always wins. Look at the abandoned places, nature takes over them.

Do you think it’s wrong to put yourself before others? In what sort of situations?

Sometimes you have to take care of yourself first in order to be able to care for others. I think it's normal and healthy.

Do you know someone who is so charming, they could get away with anything, and then do?

I know a lot of charming people, but thankfully they're normal.

Have you ever known someone who seemed to have time for their significant other, but no one else? Have you ever acted this way?

Yeah, I know someone like that. It's kinda toxic, I think. My husband and me give each other space while being loyal to each other, so no, I don't act this way.

In school, are / were you ever reluctant to ask questions? What about to answer questions? For what reasons?

Yes, I was. I think it was some combination of anxiety and autism. I was doing million times better on written exams.

Are any of your friend’s, parent’s, or sibling’s name in a song you know? What song?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever read any novels by Agatha Christie? If so, which ones? Did you enjoy them? Do you generally enjoy mystery books?

I don't think I've read any of her works, honestly. I have no preference for book genres, though. If I'm engaged in a book, I will read it, no matter what genre it is.

Are most of your clothes baggy or tight? Which do you prefer?

Baggy and it's definitely what I strongly prefer. I actually wear clothes that are about one or two sizes bigger.

Are you wary of displaying signs of affection for your significant other around adults? Why or why not?

I don't really display affection even in private, so it's not really applicable to me.

Who was the last person you carpooled with? Where did you go?

Tania, for work. But she moved out and we had to inform the HR about it.

Have you ever had red velvet cake or carrot cake? Have you ever made either of those?

I think I had red velvet once, but I've never had carrot cake.

Who is the most ungrateful person you know? What makes them this way?

Probably my mum, but she had a really difficult childhood, so it affected her mentally. I can understand it, honestly.

Are you good at guessing? What types of things are you good at guessing at?

Nah, I'm not.

Has your favorite band / artist ever toured Europe?

Well, my favourite bands come from Sweden and England, so it speaks for itself.

Who was the last person you heard from that you were surprised to hear from? Was this a pleasant surprise?

That one friend who cut off ties with all of us long time ago. He send me a message, like, two years ago, wishing me all the best, and called me "his little brother", like he used to. This was the first time I heard from him after all these years, and the last one ever.

Don’t you just love french fries with melted cheese on top?

It's not what I'm used to as a Belgian, but our Burger King serves fries with bacon and cheese and both me and my husband like it. It's a nice alternative to our traditional fries with mayo.

What is your favorite take out food to get? What do you usually order?

I just ordered Bavet today, it's a cool pasta restaurant in our city. Usually I like McDonald's, particularly their fish burgers.

Is the room you’re in carpeted or is it a hard wood floor? Are there any rugs?

Neither, there are tiles. It's a standard to have tiles in the living rooms in Belgian houses. We only have rugs upstairs, and the floors upstairs are hardwood.