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amebanworld · 2 days ago

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THIS!!

Actually this is something the fandom has been wondering about for 40 years straight (at least the ones that love this psycho war birdy).

Now, let me add my two cents to this analysis.

I also noticed the resemblances between RC and pre-war Skybound Starscream. They seem to be quite alike in the terms of his good nature with some flaws. Also, the fact is G1 cartoon Star is the only Dcon who was portrayed in a good way in a flashback. At this point, we all have to agree that pre-war Starscream was certainly a nice and good person. And this is the main reason b/c G1 Star is a beloved character.

It’s true that Starscream is different in every media, but I also find this version of him is quite similar to Shattered Glass and Armada’s versions of him, unlike IDW, who was a more grey morale guy before the war. This is important because Armada and SG are both involved in the war actively, but their morals still being very high; sure, Armada always had been a soldier and probably he didn’t live before the war, and SG glass is basically the opposite version of everything.

But they both remained the same nice persons, in spite of the war molded them.

So, why didn't this happen in the G1 cartoon and Skybound?

As you pointed out, in SB, he suffered a very traumatic experience and Meggs found him in a very vulnerable situation. In spite of the fact that you cannot portray a full background in a couple of pages (let’s be honest: Skybound’s narrative is quite random).. the problem is neither G1 cartoon nor RC novel truly show up the real reason behind. They just give some clues here and there about what could happen to him.

I agree about Skyfire’s and Starscream's friendship before the war. The shuttle hardly could have accepted him as a friend; he has a very clear idea about his morals and basically he has no reasons to join the Dcons once he learned how they’re. But don’t forget this: in G1 is established that Dcons were, by default, military war-framed Cybertronians (quite much alike war ants in an anthill)... and Starscream also claims to be cockly he’s “the proud of the Cybertronian war academy”. So: wasn’t he a scientist of the Cybertronian version of National Geographic?

This means, at some point, he joined the academy, as it should be due the war-frame function. But: when??

At first, I thought he did after he came back to Cybertron and learned a war was happening. For some unknown reason (THE reason) he decided to join it and become a warrior with quite good results, embracing his war nature. However, the fandom has developed the idea in a different way: he was in the military academy in the early stages of his life, because he’s a seeker and that’s what seekers do. But eventually he decided to become a scientist, dismissing his initial function.

And that’s when RC came across again. This story pisses me because the plot has the potential to be really a thing… but the conflict attached to the plot is really biased! The G1 cartoon was quite flat in many ways, so it just ignored many important things…. But this novel just IGNORES the elephant in the room. Optimus just realizes Dcons are like that because of personal experiences?? Seriously??

At least the cartoon added the “Brain smash machine” as a reason to make Cybertronans evil, just like happened with the Constructicons and their friendship with Omega Supreme. It’s stupid, yes, but at least there is one reason!

I guess this is the main reason because the fandom thinks Nominist and Functionalism reasons that appear in IDW and Aligned continuities are very valid reasons to make Dcons-.. to be Dcons. They’re a revolutionary faction against the establishment, which eventually become out of control. We know G1 is not IDW nor Aligned, but at least this makes sense and those reasons could be applied to Starscream.

On the other hand, Skybound has its own canon. We don’t know what caused the war, but at least, we have a general idea about what happened to our favorite seeker boy.

Day something of crying over how similar pre war Skybound Starscream/Ulchtar and amnesiac g1 Redemption center Starscream are, literally my first time reading issue 13 I was reminded of RC. Starscream without his memories and essentially a blank state was just exactly how Ulchtar used to be before Genvo's death and meeting Megatron.

His natural state was so polite,reasonable,intelligent and curious, these traits got morphed into more twisted versions once the war started. I always did wonder why was someone like Jetfire close friends with Starscream in g1? because Jetfire couldn't tolerate a few hours with the decepticons noticing how they were, and if we take RC being a g1 adjacent story(since I believe they do mention events of some episodes in season one I think)it makes sense because Starscream was also a pretty nice/decent person back then.

As I recall redemption center had a whole conversation with the Autobots trying to figure out if there was a way they could influence and reason with decepticons- with some even suggesting brainwashing which Optimus was against- but it was mostly about trying to understand whether they were inherently bad people or was it circumstances that shaped them into who they are today- eventually realizing it was the latter for the most part, by the end Optimus narrowed down that without whatever happened in his past Starscream would have been a different person but it was the past that influenced and changed his personality to the one he currently has, that's why upon remembering despite a part of himself wanting to look at a possible bright future a few moments ago he felt he had no choice but to continue his old ambitions because he at his current state will never able to able to go back to who he used to be. That person is dead,and I think Starscream himself does miss his past self too he seemed partially disappointed that he remembered when Optimus realizes this.

This line especially stood out.

"he knew who he was,knew the inevitability of who he was"

I wonder everyday what would have happened had it been Optimus who met him first instead of Megatron. I wonder what was G1 Starscream's inciting incident like Skybound with the death of his friend. What happened to him after that expedition where he lost Jetfire and before he met the decepticons?

Like not trying to excuse anything,he was always pretty full of himself to an extent,in the he wanted to be validated kind of way but he still had morals and it wasn't borderline narcissism back then.

I wish he just went with Jetfire instead of staying. Not that it would've helped much but maybe then he wouldn't been corrupted due to war in the specific way he did. At the end of the day his actions are still his own and he did hurt so many people but I do still feel bad for him. My war criminal pookie.

Now I'm just wondering it really does add up to his relationship with Jetfire/Skyfire because after Fire in the Sky they literally act like strangers, for Jetfire it makes sense because the guy shot him for dead, but Starscream was acting strange even before that to the point even Megatron pointed it out. Thinking about it it really does make sense why, when he chose to shoot Jetfire it wasn't just a simple act of ending an old friendship, it was him severing the last connection he had to his past self, he chose to discard that part of himself completely that the friend he once spent so long mourning and even searched half the globe for,he had no hesitation shooting that same person down.

It's even more evident when Jetfire asks him if he's happier being a warrior than a scientist, to him of course it is, why would he want to go back to who he used to be? Starscream likely associates his past self with weakness in Skybound's case weakness that allowed Genvo to be killed,weakness of hesitating to kill prisoners for the cause that's why he doesn't like being reminded of his past. And it explains why he's kind of a control freak in a way he hates it when things are out of his control,he hates it when people try to control him so he follows the mentality he'd be even worse than them. Because this world is for the strong, something he told Thundercracker. If you were weak you die or lose what you care about.

And the fact he isn't initially drawn by Megatron when he and Soundwave come to get him back in RC while being in Optimus' care says a lot, a lot of things relied completely on circumstance Skybound Starscream was in a very vulnerable moment when he first met Megatron he just lost one of his best friends,lost his work station and saw Optimus himself shoot Genvo down in the crossfire, then in came Megatron. The panelling of that moment really does give the feeling to Starscream Megatron was like a saviour he was the one who gave him a new purpose in life,who saved him but in reality played the biggest part in his damnation.

The thing is I geniunely do not believe who Ulchtar was would have become the person Starscream is today without Megatron's influence, if he never met the latter and had been left to his own devices he would have continued to suffer for sure and have been a victim of war like Jetfire eventually became in the future, he would've either remained depressed and get more cynical or have died as a civilian later down the line,who he is today is a result of Megatron grooming him into being that way. He didn't show any real signs of wanting revenge at all, and seemed at a loss, until the latter tempted him and even then he was still willing to hold onto his morals up until he was forced to kill those POW against his will.

Megatron himself is a complex charecter and I can see why he also turned out the way he did because of that same cycle of violence but he did play a role in exacting that same pain onto others,same way Starscream in the present is hurting so many people who did not deserve it either. Again, the purpose of this post is not to say he was completely innocent, he is still accountable for his own crimes I'm not denying the fact, that regardless of what circumstances drew him to this point he did still hurt other people too.

There are so many gaps in the timeline of G1 SS's backstory I really want to know what the heck happened? This is only clue when he was remembering everything the minute he did he just couldn't stay even if he understood himself that going back was just ruining whatever bridges he could have formed.

Fun fact : Ironically he remembered his backstory upon falling/thrown off a cliff by Soundwave and being in a shock like state,much like RC losing his memory upon falling off a cliff and hitting his head lol. Soundwave also found it so funny he was looping the same footage over and over like a TikTok reel all the while enjoying seeing Megatron crash out over Optimus and Starscream and having the best time of his life and slightly manipulating Megatron into making efficient decisions. My Boy was winning for once. I feel like they did take some inspiration from RC.

#pics #novel samples #comic samples #fandom #rant #my two cents #opinion #redemption center #transformers #starscream #transformers g1 #transformers skybound #ulchtar #ulchtar starscream

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matzushii-deathgurgle · 3 days ago

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Deltarune Theory: The roaring knight is the one singing "Don't forget" at the end of each chapter. (Massive spoilers for the whole mystery of deltarune's lightworld narrative so far ahead, be warned!!!!)

I can bet that some people have already come to this conclusion, but I'll posted my discovery and thoughts about it here anyways.

I was listening to a lyrical cover of "Raise your bat" and it made me wonder why exactly Don't forget appears as part of the lyrics for this radical, edgy guitar hero song that Dess used to perform. This then made me then think further on it and ALSO realize that the main leitmotif for Dess, "find her", is playing alongside these lyrics.

So then logically, I think we can pretty simply deduce these are where the original lyrics came from and that they are wholly associated with Dess as a character. Since Dess is obviously the knight (she just is), her working alongside Kris also recontextualizes the end of each chapter, which turns out to Moreso be her reminding kris to not forget a promise. Very, very, fucking interesting. This also leads into the obvious "don't forget, you promised" at the end of chapter 4, and while I'm kind of leaning towards the phone voice being Carol, since she could also be aware of this promise as December's mother, it would even further associate the whole dess/knight/carol/asgore/roaring mystery to these lyrics. To enter the realm of my own speculation- The phone voice could very, very possibly be carol. Just the fact that it says "i'll be right there" directly before Carol comes home- noticeably earlier than usual according to Noelle- unprompted, is the main piece of evidence that leads me to believe it could be her, while another equally likely possibility is that it's just The knight still, and it's referring going to create the church fountains as a distraction for Susie. I'm probably just overthinking a big red herring that the entire deltarune fandom has already dissected, since the phone voice is much gravellier and more strained, while Carol's phone call at the end of chapter 4 snowgrave is normal, but maybe she's just got a really selective chain smoker voice? Where else would those cigarette butts under the outdoor tables have came from!?? IT COULD ALSO BE RUDY! His voice has been pretty strained recently with his sickness!

#deltarune spoilers #deltarune #deltarune chapter 4 #dess holiday #carol holiday #kris deltarune #susie deltarune #deltarune theory #deltarune thoughts

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queersyourgender · 22 hours ago

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i finished the pitt recently and im OBSESSED! almost all of the characters have taken up space in my brain and dennis whitaker is no different. in one of your multis, you described him as surprisingly strong and now i cant stop thinking about it. could you do one where reader notices how strong he is and gets kinda flustered about it? then when they finally admit why they're flustered, he gets a bit flustered but also starts showing off a bit just to watch them blush?

Renovations and Revelations — Dennis Whitaker x GN!Reader

Notes: Ayyye, welcome to the fandom, new friend!! Dennis is an absolute sweetheart and I can't wait to see more of him, so thank you for sending this request in so I can fawn over him!! He's so funny and cute... WHEN I CATCH YOU DENNIS WHITAKER (i say this about every character lmao)

———

It's a cathartic thing, you reason, for you to renovate your entire room whenever the weather changes. You did it practically seasonally, and it did wonders to keep your spirits lifted despite the sharp change in the air, whether it be from cold to hot or hot to cold.

The main difference this year from every other year that had passed by you is that you now have the world's cutest boyfriend, Dennis Whitaker, who seemed intent on partaking in this activity. You didn't know if he knew how much it meant to you that he wanted to be involved, but you knew he could tell at least a little bit, because why else would he be so excited to move your furniture around for you?

“So I'm thinking the nightstand goes underneath the window,” you speculate as you both stand at the doorway of your room, taking in the big picture and surveying the area to see what changes could take place to give you a different scenery while also looking nice. “Maybe the wardrobe gets pushed into that corner there?”

Dennis nods along, either seeing your vision or not bothering to argue with it. You rattle off a bunch of different ideas, like moving your dresser up against a different wall and maybe turning your bed clockwise to be in the corner, and Dennis just keeps nodding dutifully, listening aptly to your words.

Then, he suddenly turns to you with that brilliant smile of his. “Alright, I think I got it,” he tells you, his expression easygoing as he rolls his shoulders and claps his hands together, cracking his knuckles and walking up to your closet. “Let's get started.”

You don't even have time to ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing before he's suddenly putting his hands on the side of your gigantic wardrobe and just… starts pushing it into the corner like you'd asked. With all of your clothes inside and everything. He just… pushes it.

Heat floods your entire system as alarms start blaring in your head like Kill Bill sirens. Your face must be doing something ridiculous because when he turns around to face you, his expression goes a little confused, and a little worried. “You okay?” He asks innocently, like he hadn't just moved a mountain in front of you. “You're looking kinda red, baby.”

Your mouth opens and closes repeatedly in a manner not unlike a fish out of water. Dennis is still walking around, moving onto your dresser and starting to move that too. This time, he doesn't just push it across the ground, he lifts it, picking it up and crossing the whole room with it.

“Dennis,” you say quickly, desperately trying to get his attention before this could get even further out of your control. He blinks at you curiously and sets the dresser down, casually, like it weighed fucking nothing to him. “This is kind of doing it for me.”

Your sweet, sweet boyfriend's face turns a bright red at your words as he blinks at you in surprise. Then, he laughs, and fucking— flexes one of his arms at you. “What, this?” He asks playfully, as if now knowing good and well what effect he's got on you has turned him into an impish little devil. “This gets you going, hon?”

“Stop,” you insist firmly, hiding your disrespectful gaze behind your palms, because if you looked at his bicep anymore you felt that you would not be accountable for your following actions. Dennis takes this opportunity to sneak up to you and pick you up, making you squeal in surprise. “Dennis, put me down!”

“Why are you so light?” He asks instead, completely ignoring your request as he bounces you in his arms slightly. “You need to eat more. I don't even work out that much and you're featherlight to me.”

You giggle, a little bit deliriously at this point, and melt into his arms. “Must be that farmhand strength,” you muse, your face burning hotter than the heat radiator in the corner of your room. Dennis laughs and shakes his head, amused and flustered all the same.

#the pitt #x reader #the pitt x reader #reader #dennis whitaker #dennis whitaker x reader

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ilikekidsshows · 2 days ago

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Usually when the show I like going South I could always trust fanfics to at least help a little from disappointment. But I can't even do that with miraculous because this fandom is so Maribug centered that despite Marinette literally gaslighting and killing Adrien they still go "But Marinette feel bad 🥺". Like okay? I don't give a fuck. Adrien is the one getting gaslight and hurt why tf Marinette feelings matter in this?

Ugh.

---

Yeah, exactly, trying to find fanfics, especially fanfics that address these issues, are mostly going to be focused on “redeeming” Marinette. And, like, when her crimes are this unforgivable, I don’t want to see how people go about redeeming her, because it’s always going to involve Adrien having to accept her perspective as somewhat valid because otherwise he couldn’t forgive her. And, like, the main focus of these fics will be to “make the lovesquare healthy”, so Adrien having to forgive Marinette and take her back is a given, and I just can’t accept that as any kind of happy ending for Adrien. Marinette is too dangerous to him.

It just feels like trying to read one of those books put out by parents with estranged adult children, with all the focus on how hurt the party who did the harm is experiencing and how it’s not right to hurt someone like that even when you were the one hurt first. Because you distancing yourself for your safety hurts the party who hurt you, that just means you’re actually retaliating, which is morally wrong.

Like, I will always prioritize the safety of victims over the comfort of the people who hurt them. Even if the person who hurt them feels really bad and regrets it so much and is just crying and sobbing on the ground, I will still think the victim should be the first concern. Coddling someone right after they’ve been hurtful just signals that you see that behavior as acceptable, as long as the perpetrator cries hard enough afterwards. In general, I don't think it's ever the job of the victim to comfor the person who hurt them.

Like, even when Marinette being overwhelmed by the agony of her guilt is meant to be cathartic instead of a source of sympathy, I just feel like she's hurt Adrien too much for him taking her back to be anything other than an unhappy ending for Adrien. And that's not because I don't think you can ever fix a broken relationship. I've hinted at it before, but I absolutely love Stan Twins reconciliation stories and guilty Ford is my favorite Gravity Falls fic trope. He wears the regretful mantle so well, he's dignified about it. But Marinette hasn't just hurt Adrien, she's not safe for him. Adrien is provably not safe with her.

Marinette and Adrien are the main couple of this series, and Marinette is its main character. Even reading fanfiction can't help me escape from the fact that I don't want to see Marinette anywhere near Adrien, especially not with any sway over him.

#ml critical #ml salt #marinette morality olympics #dats chats

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420technoblazeit · 1 day ago

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I like a lot of the small things ranboo added but as fun as enderwalk was in fanon yet ANOTHER character having a connection to dream as a manipulator was just very boring, id say dreamxd and ranboo both have similar spots of being potentially interesting if it werent for dream main character for every plot ever syndrome

Though i cant forgive ranboo for the damage him being “lmanberg was just a drug van who cares why defend it” caused the discourse like sir how would you know. I likes the Michael arc though, love a fun baby raising arc. Also fun fandom time to see fanart of a literal wedding tagged with “not ship” like… if this doesn’t count im no longer sure what DOES

i think the cdream thing was interestign when there was a chance that he and cranboo were the same kind of being or whatever bc htat had potential especially if it was a two way connection. god dont get me started on my old theories. but now in hindsight it's like yeah ok big surprise hte guy who likes manipulating teenagers is manipulating another one. ok

i fear i actually have to disagree with you on hte other point though i think cranboo's criticism of lmanburg was maybe the only time i found their centrism interesting. the fact that ppl still discuss that scene speaks to how good of a character moment it was. they werent there for hte war so how could they understand why people put so much stake in the country? in their eyes that country is the country that continues to cause their loved ones suffering, the country that literally cost them their lives. why wouldnt they hate it?

#dream smp #dsmp #ranboo #c!ranboo #the pig squeals

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narcissisticpdcultureis · 2 days ago

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npd culture is thinking of a bunch of fun little scenarios where you are some sort of focus (main character in a show/comic, a youtuber people like, etc) and. yk enjoying it! you get to dream of a little fandom for yourself. sustains me. god please i want people to like me, fandom-ify me. theres so many boundaries id be willing to neglect if i could just Have that. i want people to know im here, yk? recognise me or whatever. i dream about it. people who love my OCs or art or anecdotes, peoole who like me. who i can entertain. i put off playing a lot of games because “i could stream this to someone! i can share this experience, i can entertain! why wouldnt i want to do that”. do you get me. am i making sense

-🐢. hi

#npd culture is #actually narcissistic #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #npd #cluster b #-🐢

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wow-bleh · 1 day ago

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How did you watch TOS and not come out of it a spirk shipper? Genuinely, show me your ways

Great question, get ready for a long answer! Keep in mind while reading this that I only took into account TOS while writing. I haven’t seen anything other than TOS and I don’t plan to (although, I have seen a bit of the original films, but I don’t like what I saw and I see it as separate from the series). Now! On to what is practically an essay at this point!

I’m a huge shipper normally and started watching Star Trek with the expectation that I’d ship them, so this truly is an impressive feat on my part! I also think it’s one of the best ships ever… so the fact that I don’t ship them is odd to say the least.

So I suppose I’d say, I love Star Trek too much to ship them. I love every aspect of the canon of TOS, to ship them would be me saying that I prefer them in a romantic relationship over their canon one, and I respect the canon too much to do that.

Kirk loves Spock his dear friend, he loves his ship and the people on it, he would choose those things over anything… and yet… he longs for a woman, for a romance. He would choose Spock and his ship over a woman 100 times out of 100, but still he feels lonely at times. To ship him and Spock means I prefer a romance between them to the canon of TOS and to do that is to disregard this part of Kirk’s character. I don’t want to do that. Now I do believe that he is closer to Spock than he could ever be with anyone else, but I think only mentally. Mentally he is as close to Spock as is possible, closer than he’s ever been with anyone, but physically he needs more than that.

Now as for what part of Spock’s character I would be disregarding… there isn’t one I can think of… more on this later. It’s quite interesting.

Another aspect of it is that I genuinely believe that they are better as friends than they would be as partners, and them being friends is more interesting than them as lovers. They are as close as two people could possibly be and yet they are not together… how interesting!!

For example they canonically love each other deeply, but Kirk is straight and Spock is alien who has different sexual desires than humans. And that’s it. That’s the reason they aren’t together. They love each other enough to be, but aren’t able to be attracted to each other romantically. In fandom we disregard sexuality constantly because in the face of a good ship it doesn’t matter, but in this case I think it does, because it is quite literally the only thing keeping them apart. That’s so interesting, they love each other so so strongly and yet there is no attraction involved.

In a shippy point of view let’s have their first meeting shall we, Kirk finds Spock attractive and Spock thinks the same. Love at first sight! I’ve read that a few times in fanfiction. It’s all in good fun and I quite like it, but I feel as if it devalues their bond somewhat. For in canon while we don’t know how they met we do know that they grew to love each other for their minds, a deep deep love and affection that went beyond physicality.

Another thing that interests me is McCoy. He is an integral part of the main trio of Star Trek. Putting Kirk and Spock together puts him in a separate category from them. We’d have Kirk and Spock who are in a relationship and McCoy who is their friend. Canon is far more interesting than that. For canon is this: we have Kirk, Spock and McCoy who are friends.

“Why is that more interesting? It’s just a category. It means nothing.”

Ah, but it does. For Kirk and Spock do love each other in a very special way. Because of that the fandom often forgets that McCoy is quite important as well. Amok Time. Spock called his friends down to the planet to be by his side. Not just Kirk, McCoy as well. However the only one he spoke to about his affliction was Kirk. This is so interesting, the only person he is close enough to for him to share this information is Kirk, and yet when McCoy figured it out Spock also wished for him to be by his side. If Kirk and Spock were together then this is so different. Rather than a complex web of love and friendship that is so different and yet so similar between all of them, they are pushed into these separate categories. Spock tells Kirk the truth- because he is his lover. Spock has McCoy come with- cause he might as well have a friend be with them for his and Kirk’s wedding am I right?

I understand that while it is a trio Kirk and Spock are the main duo of the show. However, this is a nitpick of mine. To be frank if I absolutely had to ship something it’d likely be McSpirk simply because it is closest to the canon.

Now let’s get back to what I brought up earlier… I stated why it is wrong to Kirk’s character to put him and Spock together despite them loving each other. But what about Spock? Is it damaging to his character? Well frankly it depends on your interpretation… If we’re talking about a fanfic of Spock being aroused by Kirk and kissing him on the captains chair then yeah, as fun a concept as that is- he would never do that. But that’s not because he doesn’t love Kirk, that’s not because of a conflict in his character where he yearns for something else, it’s simply because he doesn’t experience attraction like that. Ok let’s go, fun time, an analysis of Spock his relationship with romance and why his closeness to Kirk might very well be as close as he could ever be with someone not only mentally but also physically.

*ahem* So we all know that whenever there’s an episode where an attractive women is about all the men are frothing at the mouth over her except for Spock, for he is a Vulcan and far too dignified for something like that. It’s said and shown in many episodes that he is proud of his ability to be unaffected by such things, that he does not fully understand such things, and that he is incapable of such things, they are truly foreign to him.

“Wait a minute?? What about This Side of Paradise? Obviously there it’s revealed that he is capable of it!!”

No. You are mistaken.

This Side of Paradise is a wonderful episode. But it is not quite like that. When Spock is influenced by the spores it is quite against his will. He struggles and it hurts him, she says that it shouldn’t hurt for it didn’t for them, he says that he is not like them. That matters a lot. Against his will this was forced upon him. Under the influence he is able to experience human joy and human love, he loves her, he is capable of it now. It is then taken away as he loses the spores. At this moment he is obviously devastated.

“He is devastated, doesn’t that prove he wanted to be with her”

He did not want to have the spores, but because of them he experienced human joy and human love. Now it has been taken away. His devastation is more than reasonable. He can’t be with her now, but just moments ago he wanted to be.

This episode ends with Spock saying that for the first time in his life he was happy. That line stuck with me for much of the show. It is meaningful and filled with sorrow (I thought),and yet something about it didn’t make sense. He prefers the ship I know that. He chose to leave her. He has been happy before although in his own way… Despite my misgivings I took it at face value, Spock was happy for the first time on that planet and he wishes he could be again. Until I read an autobiography.

Within it an interview with Leonard Nimoy. The interviewer said just as I was thinking, poor Spock. Mr. Nimoy said he was wrong. Mr. Nimoy said that Spock is merely stating a fact, he experienced human happiness for the first time. Like if he had gone to a specific planet for the first time or eaten a specific dish for the first time. Now isn’t that interesting? That makes so much more sense. Of course he was sad at the end of that episode, but he still chose the ship he chose himself as he is.

Look I know this is long, and if you’re this far you’ll probably read any length, but as much as I want to go into each and every episode where Spock has a romance… I believe that what I’ve done will suffice for now.

Let’s get back to the main topic: I think that Spock’s closeness to Kirk is as close as he could be to anyone. I’ve already proven that romance does not come naturally to Spock. Now let’s get into the rest.

He touches Kirk more than he touches anyone else, he gazes at Kirk, he expresses himself only for Kirk, he looks to Kirk to see his reaction to anything and everything. He loves him. In Requiem for Methuselah that scene at the end is quite literally him saying to Kirk I love you. And if that seems like a reach to you.. it is not only my interpretation, I read it in the novel on Star Trek: Star Trek Lives! from 1975. So quite an official source wouldn’t you say? Yes that lovely scene did mean to convey such love.

When Kirk gets with a woman in front of Spock the camera always cuts to Spock looking dejected. He always has a valid reason. The captain has kept something from him, or something is wrong with Kirk, or this isn’t the time or place for such behavior, etc. Still, it is frequent. Fans like to say Spock’s jealous and he wishes to be kissed. I don’t think so. I do however think that Spock while tolerating and understanding of such behavior on Kirk’s part doesn’t quite like it. Because of love.

In Elaan of Troyius (one of the few episodes I can say was rather subpar), Kirk is forced to fall in love with a woman he does not love. When McCoy and Spock find out about this they have very different reactions. McCoy’s I find quite reasonable. He sounds upset, he’s exasperated, Kirk got into this mess he doesn’t know if he can cure, he’s got to find an antidote now and he’s annoyed and worried and Kirk’s always getting into these messes and- Spock is different. In perhaps the most devastated voice he’s ever used he says “It is true than Captain?” So… he loves his captain. I don’t have an explanation. I don’t think he wants the captain to kiss him instead, I don’t think he should be as worried as he sounds, no… actually, I believe I do know. I think that it truly pains him to see Kirk’s failed loves pan out in front of him, in Requiem for Methuselah it is the same, he doesn’t want to watch Kirk suffer so. In Elaan of Troyius he is pained to see Kirk be forced to love, to yearn for her. It is a unique thing though, he obviously does not enjoy the captains suffering in any sense, but in love it is particularly bad, he also doesn’t much like to see that captain with women even if he is understanding.

After this long long talk on Spock’s canon feelings regarding romance tell me… can you picture Spock falling in love and kissing and having a romantic affair? I can’t. Can you imagine him being as close as he is to the captain with anyone else? I can’t.

I think that Kirk is as close to Spock mentally as he could be with anyone, but I think he yearns for a women to be with to share mind and body with.

I think that Spock is as close to Kirk as he could be with anyone mentally and physically, and I don’t think he yearns for romance like Kirk does.

I think that these canon facts and their canon relationship is superior to simply disregarding all this complexity and placing them in a romance. That is why despite thinking it is perhaps the greatest ship to ever exist I do not ship them.

I wrote this for over 2 hours. I had a great time, if you can’t tell I’ve been thinking of this for a while! Despite how long this is, frankly, I think I only scratched the surface of what I have to say on their relationship, but damn despite the fun, this has gone on long enough! If you read all of this, please let me know your thoughts my dear anonymous asker, and of course anyone else who happens upon this. I finished rather late at night so I’m sure there are some errors, but damn I’m pretty proud, this is good shit for shippers and non shippers alike, enjoy folks

Edit: omfg guys I just checked and this is 2261 words?!? Man… and I could add more too

Edit2: so when I was writing it this is fr as short as I could get it, but now that I’ve got all these thoughts out of my head I was finally able to think of a way to say it simply:

I like canon. In canon they are friends. That’s that.

But y’know my fancy analysis still stands and frankly needs to be expanded upon, just thought I’d give y’all the simple version of it. (Purposely didn’t say tldr cause u guys gotta read the long stuff to earn the simple version)

#star trek tos #star trek #spirk #tos spirk #star trek spirk #mcspirk #ask #james t kirk #spock #bones mccoy #leonard mccoy #captain kirk #mr spock

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liloinkoink · 1 day ago

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I'm a little bit scared to ask hoenstly.. what IS artimators?

a discord server for life series artists to share art, as well as get art/animation/design advice or references, mostly! i joined a little after it started, but the main idea of the server is just artists supporting / cheering on other artists in the fandom and helping each other improve. tbh, most of the discord server is just sending art and chatting about mcyt vids

(you might be thinking, lew, you aren’t an artist, why are you in an art advice server? the answer is, technically there’s also a few writers in there, tho tbh it’s mostly that cherri snuck me in thru the back door)

that said. there is also a minecraft server (simply named artimator smp) which is attached to the discord server. it started a few weeks/months(?) after the discord server was made, and a few of the members who are interested in content creation / video editing decided to stream it and record videos for it. after all, video editing is an art of its own, and everyone in the server is into mcyt, so of course some of em wanted to try it out

some of the more “famous” members in the video/streaming department i can think of off the top of my head are cherrifire or tibbycaps, though there are quite a few others who also stream/record artimator smp, and you can probs find them if you search artimator on youtube. that said, most of the players don’t stream/record at all and just play on the server normally (and some actively avoid being filmed or streamed). there are also plenty of members from the main discord server who don’t play on the minecraft server at all and are mostly there for the art resources and chatting

(i am not among the people who stream, but i’ve been thinking about it since we started a new season of the server recently!)

there’s also like… spin off stuff? i guess you could call it? some of the artimators also like doing other content creation stuff. like the artimator team from mcc rising or the autumn life series. a few of the artimators are using artimator smp to branch out into making mcyt content in general as well as art and making a proper Thing out of their channels, which is pretty cool. like how cherri will be on cowboys smp soon, and how tibby has been in a few fan life series. i know quite a few of em have been in events like tipsy tourney and biome battle as well, tho i cant remember everyone who has off the top of my head (while im actively watching a show w my parents)

but yeah. because the minecraft server is the only public-facing part of the server, most people assume the discord is for/about/mostly the minecraft server, but that’s not really accurate. tho the minecraft server’s kind of an add-on to the actual discord itself. the minecraft server has a fandom and a tag and stuff, which is neat. i think there might be fic for it maybe? i haven’t looked at it too closely, but it’s cool seeing fanart of my friends sometimes!

i do think it’s good to point out the server is actually mostly just like… artists sharing their work and giving each other advice tho. i think it helps demystify the whole Fandomized aspect of the thing a bit to point out it’s mostly like… a discord for chatting and art advice

#artimator smp #oink asks #anonymous #I HIT POST AND SCROLLED UP AND WOW. THIS POST IS LONGER THAN I THOUGJT. SO SORRY

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cloneximio-877 · 2 months ago

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i wish that i could fall (but only truly backwards, right into your arms)

#unstable universe #uu #wifies #wifies fanart #baby's (probably) first time using fandoms main tag! how about you guys be nice and don't murder me for it #I actually really like this one. i only hate the way text looks. but. i can't really fix it #you'll never believe what's the name of song this was based on #please listen to “i wish that i could fall” by JamieP! im so obsessed with this song. i put it on repeat and think about Wifies for hour #oh god i really don't know when to shut up #this is wifies falling into the void btw! if the image doesn't really convey it

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turtleblogatlast · 1 year ago

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No but like every time I think about Splinter and what he had to go through just to keep the boys alive, my heart hurts for him so badly. Is he perfect? No not at all, but none of them are and by god does he love his sons.

The fact that all of them are alive, and grew to thrive despite the circumstances surrounding them is a testament of how much Splinter loves his boys. He raised four babies following the most traumatic time of his life, all alone with nothing but the sewers to house them (to hide them.) I feel like he’s not given the credit he deserves for all he’s done.

And I get that it’s easy to hold up his flaws and faults when it comes to parenting, I myself like looking into them because flawed characters are super interesting and said flaws make them more realistic and engaging, but he tries, and again, so many others would have given up on the boys or failed along the way but Splinter didn’t.

He’s their father, for all his faults he did his damndest to make sure they survived.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt splinter #rise splinter #he’s not perfect as I’ve said #and he’s got a whole slew of flaws and faults #but he’s a person - we are all flawed #he loves his sons dearly dearly dearly even if he struggles along the way to show that #parenting is not easy! especially as a traumatized mutant who is forced to do it alone #side note but I think this is one of the reasons why it kiiiiiinda ruffles my feathers to see so many people assign parentification to Raph #and in turn make Splinter out to be way worse and way more distant than he is in canon?#like idk I just don’t see what so many others see ig but maybe that’s just me #i guess my thoughts are like- let parents have flaws without villainizing them?#they’re still parents even if they mess up?#we can discuss the repercussions of a parents actions on a child while not casting that parent as an awful person #parents are peopleeee #I could go on but yeahhh #idk it bothers me seeing splinter’s efforts undermined when he’s been through so much #idk if ppl realized this by now but I love me some flawed characters #tho I do think in this fandom the ones whose faults are discussed the most are like #Splinter mostly then Draxum then Leo #of the main cast #and in Splinters case in particular his faults are made to cover his good qualities which makes me sad #because he is SO INTERESTING #they’re all flawed characters and tbh so interesting because their flaws are ALSO their strengths in many aspects

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jils-things · 8 months ago

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my mains in ranked matches C:

#dont tag as ship #idv fanart!!! thats crazy!!! i should do more!!!#identity v #idv #naib subedar #victor grantz #luca balsa #idv mercenary #idv postman #idv prisoner #identity v mercenary #identity v prisoner #identity v postman #is this how u fandom tag. whao #~ art #naib subedar.fam #luca balsa.crsh #victor grantz.plat #i have a hybrid playstyle: first and foremost is being a rescuer main and the secondary depends but it could be anything #naib is my first choice all the time. i would focus on rescuing and bodyblocking as much as i can. so rescue/rescue #but i can also go rescue/support- and thats where victor is. his dog wick helps a lot with rescue believe me or not. many clutch moments #and there's rescue/decoding- but ... i think its more like decoding/rescuing. i always decode as luca because hes very fast at it.#but in emergencies i bring tide turner if rescuing presents itself nicely for luca. maybe all the other rescuer types are out of commission #-so i try to help a bit.#“jil what about knee jerk reflex or flywheel effect”#I ALWAYS FORGET TO USE THE FLYWHEEL EFFECT IM NOT USED TO ITSDJFHSJFHSJHDJS I WOULD ONLY NOTICE THE BUTTON AFTER I GET CHAIRED FGNGNFGF #knee jerk uhh... idk... doesnt really suit me LOL buuut i suppose i can try practicing it with it more. but... tide turner :pleading:#im not removing borrowed time either sooo :pleading: :pleading: HAHAH #buuut ya!!#theyre a funny trio :) luca and his antisocial friends /jj

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demigod-shenanigans · 2 days ago

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I appreciate you taking the time to ramble so much, especially knowing PJO is far from your main fandom at the moment. It means a lot that you still care about this fic. Also, despite you saying you won’t have as much to say, this is actually the most detailed comment I’ve gotten on this chapter :)

I’ve had a pretty miserable day (I had an exam and there’s a pretty decent chance I might not even get a passing grade and have to retake said awful exam, which is unfun) and this comment has been a very appreciated bright spot.

-With the way the scene is written I could never figure out if Leo is actually in pain while he’s dead (I hope being in pain while you’re dead is not a thing, that would suck massively) or if that’s actually the start of him getting resurrected and it sucks so bad specifically due to the way he died (kind of like someone with severe burns slowly waking up/coming out of anesthesia?). Either way, yeah, he’s definitely uncomfortably familiar with painful deaths and thinking about Jason being alone and in pain the way he was… very much not fun for Leo. At least he’d never consider Jason ending up in the fields of punishment an option like he apparently did for himself 😬

-I honestly cannot blame people too much regardless of which way they write Caleo because their canon writing is just… all over the place and not even in a fun way. Personally, I kind of love the messy train wreck angle of leaning into all the ways they just don’t work but making it about them being a bad fit rather than either of them being bad people. They’re both traumatized kids trying their best given the circumstances but the circumstances do not do them any favors and they’re just a terrible fit even outside of these specific circumstances. Sometimes you meet exactly the wrong person at exactly the wrong time and you want to love each other so bad but holy shit are your attempts at it just making it worse for both of you. I went into this more in chapter four (which is the only chapter or the fic Calypso has any sort of major role with) and actually had a lot of fun with it.

They’re awful together, and if they’d been written messy intentionally in the books and that had been addressed, it could have been really interesting to explore, but instead they’re a toxic mess couple that’s constantly fighting and don’t seem to even like each other half the time and also for some reason this is all Leo’s fault for being sexist despite the fact that Calypso is downright mean to Leo several times. It made me want to chew drywall.

Anyway, Leo is grieving and Calypso is not coping with the whole situation of being left behind again well and neither of them are terrible people for it. They’re just human. (Also yeah Lester being the narrator did not do Leo or Calypso any favor in Dark Prophecy LOL. I still wish we’d gotten a split POV for ToA to give some extra nuance to these situations we only get an—at times relatively disinterested—outside perspective on.)

Anyway, I’m rambling, but I’m glad the way I handled them worked for you so far :D

-I always have so much fun with Leo being the only one of them who can cook. And Piper, menace that she is, is just gonna eat whatever looks tasty to her, food groups be damned LMAO

-Leo is just generally super respectful re: food preferences, but I also think in this situation specifically he only made veggie toppings because he knows Piper doesn’t love the smell of cooked meat (she tolerates it and won’t say anything about it but he knows her well enough that he can tell).

-I make no promises re: the crying in future chapters haha. Some of them are pretty sad (not all of them though, I promise)

This is most definitely the longest I’ve worked on a fic without posting it since I first started posting my fics at all, and it still doesn’t feel entirely real that I finished it. My relationship with it pingpongs at times (like it does with my writing in general) but it is the biggest project I’ve finished in ages and that is pretty cool.

Again, thanks for taking the time to read and comment, it’s immensely appreciated <3

The choiceless hope in grief (chapter 2)

Summary: Leo Valdez has lived and died for the gods. Their war has shaped his life since he was a baby. With Gaia defeated, he sort of hopes he can finally rest. He has friends and some semblance of home to return to for the first time since he was eight years old. Just this once, he allows himself to hope the good things might stick.

But the gods aren’t done with them just yet, and by the time Leo finds his way back, Jason is gone.

This time, Leo decides he’s done just taking the Fates’ bullshit lying down. If getting his best friend back means striking a deal with the gods and venturing into the Underworld… well, it’s probably not even the most reckless thing he’s ever done.

The caveat of said deal? He has to trust Jason will follow him, or his self-doubt will doom them both.

And after the life he’s lived, Leo is so intricately familiar with self-doubt that he could probably trademark the word.

Or: The only possible way for Orpheus to succeed is if he learns to think of himself as a person worth loving.

Word Count for chapter 2: ~6k

Rating: Teen and Up

< Prev | Next >

General notes for this chapter: -More grief/self-loathing themes. Not sure if I’ll be warning for those for each chapter individually since they’re quire relevant to the overall fic, but it’s been a minute, so I thought the reminder probably couldn’t hurt. (It having been a hot minute since I posted the first chapter is also the reason why I put the fic summary here again, I won’t do that for every chapter) -This does also go into the demigod deaths from Tyrant’s Tomb (at least a little bit). The death toll in that book is huge and I honestly found it really upsetting. I’m aware the Hunters don’t canonically stay behind to help rebuild but this is my fic and I can do what I want <3

-For my sanity and yours, we’re suspending our disbelief and taking the fact that Calypso is mentally sixteen in canon at face value. Her and Leo have a variety of problems, and, as should be clear by the premise of this fic, they’re not gonna last, but please note that I will be treating them both as traumatized teenagers.

———

Chapter 2: Piper tries to make burritos unsupervised

The first Iris Message came through on the ninth of April, barely ten minutes after breakfast. Piper’s dad was already at work, which at least meant they thankfully didn’t have to explain why there was a floating rainbow that had people’s faces in it chilling in the middle of the living room.

It was Thalia and Reyna.

Leo hadn’t even realized they knew each other, but apparently the Hunters of Artemis—Diana, whatever—had come to Camp Jupiter’s aid. This should have been a relief, but there was no relief to be found in Reyna’s expression. The only flicker of joy he saw on her face was when she told them she’d be joining the Hunters.

It wasn’t the kind of decision Leo had expected from Reyna. Then again, she barely looked like the same girl that had shown Leo around New Rome with a proud smile, eagerly listening to and expanding on Leo’s ideas for fortifications and long-range weaponry. Had it really only been a few weeks since then? It felt like a lifetime ago now.

There was still that same grim set to Reyna’s jaw, but her usual proud posture looked more like she was… well, posturing, for lack of a better word. And the expression on her face…

Leo knew that expression. He had seen it in the mirror many times as a child, and again in the last few weeks. It was the expression of someone who’d seen their home get burnt down to the foundations and found themself sitting in the wreckage.

He knew the kind of news they were getting even before Reyna started telling them what had happened.

Thalia was easier to look at—Thalia, whose grief was all fury, small bolts of electricity dancing through her dark hair like she was the human embodiment of a storm cloud.

At that moment, she looked nothing like Jason. It was such a relief that Leo almost cried.

They’d won the battle against the emperors, but Reyna called it a Pyrrhic victory—one that was so disastrous for the victors that it was basically indistinguishable from a defeat.

New Rome was in ruins. So many had been wounded. Even more people were dead.

Leo felt sick to his stomach. He’d known some of these demigods. Not well, admittedly, but he’d fought side by side with them. The thought that so many lives had been cut short, and that none of the gods had bothered to interfere for the longest time, despite the fact that it was their kids down there, made him want to punch something.

Knowing that at least some of them had probably been friends with Jason in the life he’d never properly remembered, and how desperately Jason had always tried to protect everyone when the gods couldn’t be bothered to…

Leo clenched his trembling fists, flames dancing in his curls and licking at his arms, all the way up to his elbows.

He needed to go outside and cool down for a bit to avoid lighting Piper’s bedroom on fire by accident.

~~~~ They were talking about Jason’s funeral when he got back. Thalia hadn’t been able to make it, which felt like a punch to the gut. She hadn’t found out he’d died until after it was already over. Percy and Annabeth still didn’t know, and Reyna wasn’t sure about Nico.

And there was the regret Leo had been so terribly afraid of feeling. He didn’t regret keeping Piper safe, especially not after hearing just how hard-won the ensuing battle had been. She was sitting here, next to him, alive, and nothing would ever make him regret that. It wasn’t even that he suddenly thought attending the funeral would have brought him any closure. How the fuck could there ever be closure for something like this?

But the thought of Jason, who’d been abandoned by both of his parents and had his memory wiped by his patron—whose camp had barely looked for him after he’d gone missing—going into death alone, surrounded mostly by strangers who had only known the person he’d been before he’d lost his memories, if that, made Leo feel sick to the stomach.

It didn’t matter that he knew Jason would have cared more about them being safe than he would have about them attending the funeral. It felt like failing him all over again.

“I ditched you both in life, and now he’s gone, and I couldn’t even bother to be there for him, then.”

His eyes were swimming again. Piper wrapped her arms around him wordlessly.

Reyna—serious, stoic, collected Reyna—had an expression on her face like she wanted to reach through the Iris Message and pat his head.

“I held some private rites for him,” Thalia said gently. It wasn’t worded as a suggestion, but the meaning was clear anyway. “I’ve also spent a lot of extra time shooting arrows at stuff lately. It helps, if only a little.”

“The only thing I could shoot here is Leo, and he hasn’t annoyed me that much yet,” Piper commented, so Leo promptly kicked her in the shin. “Ow! Actually, keep it up and I might use you for target practice, after all.”

“You can’t. I still owe Thalia hot sauce.”

It was such an absurd statement that even Reyna almost cracked a smile. “Yeah, I’m going to need context on that one.”

~~~~

Two hours later, a rainbow image of Frank and Hazel popped up. The worst part of that conversation was them asking how exactly it had happened, because apparently Apollo had performed a song about it, which had been emotional but not super clear on the details. Piper struggled to tell the story again, and she was reassured several times that she didn’t have to, but she pushed through. The only slight comfort was that Jason would have been dead right away—hopefully he hadn’t been in pain for long.

The second worst part of the conversation was way more mundane: Frank asking what their plans were going forward.

Leo didn’t think there would be much going forward for him, just in general. In his mind, he’d been planning on staying in this reprieve forever—playing video games and getting lost in the woods with Piper as they continued to pointedly ignore the emptiness of the third chair at their little table.

Jason’s face kept popping up in his dreams, but the days were mostly bearable as long as he was here with Piper.

But then Piper talked about school, and the classes she was planning to take, and the possibility of college somewhere in the area. She talked about her dad and camping and maybe getting a job to help out.

Things that a person with a normal life would have done.

And, okay, maybe a part of Leo had realized that his idea of the future wasn’t exactly realistic. He also realized he couldn’t stay

there forever. He didn’t want to be a burden on Piper and Tristan. He knew how long Piper had been wanting to properly spend time with her dad, and now she actually had the chance to, and here Leo was, inserting himself right into the middle of their already complicated father-daughter-relationship. He wasn’t supposed to be here, messing this up for her.

As much as he disliked thinking about this, he couldn’t keep ignoring that particular part of reality. He’d already spent too much of his life in homes where he wasn’t wanted. He couldn’t stand the thought of bothering Piper so much that she started feeling that way about him, too.

As good as it felt to see Hazel and Frank, a part of Leo was relieved when they ended that call. The even more horrible, selfish part of him was also glad Hazel had promised to be the one who told Nico. Leo didn’t know him that well, but he knew Nico didn’t have many friends and that he’d already lost too much. That particular breakdown Leo felt like he was in no way equipped to handle. He could hardly even deal with himself right now.

The calls didn’t stop.

Piper’s siblings called, asking how she was and what had happened, and so they had to tell the story again, tearing off the scab and making their wounds bleed all over the place.

Then, like everything else wasn’t bad enough, Leo got an IM from a very anxious Harley, who seemed relieved he was alive and asked when he was coming back to camp.

“Don’t know yet,” Leo said, forcing a smile. “Probably not for a while. I’ll call you, though. I promise.”

He didn’t have the heart to tell his kid brother that he wasn’t sure he was ever coming back—that even thinking about stepping into this place that was brimming with memories of Jason made him feel sick to the stomach.

Leo supposed he couldn’t blame Reyna for wanting to leave behind a city full of ghosts when he couldn’t even handle one of them.

~~~~

Shel invited Piper out for coffee two days later. Via letter, of all things, because obviously Piper hadn’t had a phone number to give her but Shel apparently wouldn’t let that stop her.

“You falling out of a tree really did it for her, hm?” Leo teased, trying to read the letter over Piper’s shoulder.

“Har. Har. Har.”

“Hey, you were the one who said you liked me being supportive and annoying.” He nudged her. “Come on, what’s it say?”

“Like I told you, she just asked me to grab coffee with her.” She folded the letter before he could get a proper look at it, but Leo knew it had way too much text to just be that.

“Liar.”

“Okay, okay.” Piper held up her hands defensively. “She really did just ask, but she might have done it with a poem.”

“Damn.” Leo raised his eyebrows. “You think she’s picked out engagement rings yet?”

“Shut up.”

“I will refer back to your comment about liking that I’m supportive and annoying again! You’ll never get me to shut my mouth now. Besides, I did promise to make you regret saying you missed me,” he teased her. “I have a reputation to uphold.”

Piper snorted. “Yeah, yeah. Shel’s picking me up in an hour. Are you sure you’ll be alright here on your own?”

It was clear that she was reluctant to leave him, especially since her dad was at work.

Truthfully, Leo wasn’t super thrilled about the thought of being alone, either. But it was clear that Piper wanted to do this, and that was more important than him not wanting to be alone for a few hours.

He could totally do this. He’d spent a pretty large chunk of his life alone. He had plenty of experience keeping himself busy.

“I’ve third-wheeled on enough of your dates for one lifetime, thanks,” Leo informed her, still grinning. “Besides, I should probably call my own girlfriend. That’ll be a lot less awkward without you being around to give me shit.”

Because contacting Calypso may have barely crossed his mind in the past few weeks due to him being both a garbage boyfriend and a garbage person just in general, but at least in theory, they were still dating.

Piper stuck her tongue out at him, and he just hoped his laugh wasn’t too obviously fake.

“For the record, though, this won’t be a date,” Piper said determinedly. “I’m not- I don’t think that would be fair to Shel. Not when I still have so much to figure out, and not when I’m still dealing with… you know.”

“For the record, I don’t think Jason would be the type to show up and haunt his ex during dates. If he does, let me know, because then I might have to unfriend him post-mortem.”

He knew Piper didn’t love when he made these kinds of jokes, but she never told him to stop. Humor had always been how he coped. Piper got that.

“Leo.” Piper groaned, exasperated. “Be serious for a second, yeah?”

“Oh, I’m super serious. Possessive ghost exes are a total friendship dealbreaker for me.” Leo nudged her again. “As the resident expert on constantly getting rejected, maybe don’t take my advice on this, but I don’t think there’s a timeline for these things. It’s okay if you find her cute. I think he’d want you to be happy. That’s the kind of awful sap he is.”

Leo realized he’d slipped into present tense again, but he didn’t have it in him to correct himself. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

“I do find her cute. I just don’t think I’m ready for a relationship at the moment.”

“That’s fair.” Leo shrugged. “If I don’t get to be best man at your wedding, I’ll be really pissed, though.”

Piper stepped on his foot, so he kicked her in the leg and a moment later, they were swatting each other with pillows like they were little kids. Piper was actually laughing. For the first time in weeks, she seemed genuinely excited about something. And Leo wanted her to be happy. He was glad at least one of them was.

~~~~

The door closing behind Piper was terrifying. Suddenly, Leo was truly alone with his thoughts for the first time since Jason had died. Even late at night, when his thoughts inevitably drifted in all kinds of awful directions, Piper was there. Even if she was asleep and all he could do was hear her breathing, that still helped. This? Being alone with his thoughts in a completely quiet room? 0/10 experience, would not recommend.

He didn’t give himself much time to think. He rummaged around in his tool belt and pulled out a golden drachma for an Iris Message—as upset as Leo was with all the gods right now, he supposed at least his dad had the decency to actually give him an allowance—then pulled out the device he’d been working on. It was a small cylinder, no larger than the palm of his hand, and it obediently folded out into a prism at the push of a button. You just needed to fill it with water, switch it on, and voilà: you got yourself a rainbow. It even had an inbuilt flashlight in case you needed to use it when the sun was out.

He tried to swallow his anxiety and flipped the drachma into the rainbow.

“Iris, goddess of the Rainbow, please accept my offering. Show me Calypso. Waystation, Indianapolis.”

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, the rainbow flickered and an image appeared—blurry at first, then slowly taking shape. Calypso was sitting at a desk by a window, brooding over some notebook that almost looked like…

Leo blinked.

“Huh, am just heroically saving you from your homework?”

Calypso’s head snapped up. Her eyes went wide as saucers. “Leo?”

“I do recall that being my name, yes.” He grinned and waved. “Hi.”

He tried to remember how to talk to Calypso. The thing was, Leo wasn’t sure he’d ever actually known. Hell, even if he had, how exactly did you greet a girl you’d sort of ditched a few weeks ago and hadn’t called since?

Calypso didn’t look very amused. “Where are you? You were gone so long that- I was beginning to think you’d died!”

“Well, yeah, I did,” Leo said with a shrug. “That’s how I rescued you, remember?”

It was easier to say that than to say anything else. To admit it really did feel like there was a part of him that had died and that he was never getting back. He didn’t want to have to actually talk about Jason—to tell the story again—especially not without Piper there.

He realized his mistake a moment too late. Calypso’s eyes flared with anger.

“For the last time, you did not rescue me!” she snapped. “And do you think that’s funny? You disappear for weeks without a word, and that’s one of the first things you say to me? Do you have any idea how worried we were?”

Right. Joking back and forth with Piper had been so natural and easy that he’d briefly forgotten Calypso didn’t like it when he did that.

Okay, admittedly, Piper probably wouldn’t have appreciated that particular joke either. She would have crossed her arms and told him off. But they would have been okay, after.

He never felt like he and Calypso were okay, coming out of these arguments. Most of the time, he just felt like shit.

“Yeah, well, things happened. And it’s not my fault communications were down.” He didn’t look at the image in the rainbow.

“What is it?” Her voice softened a little. “What happened?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Well that’s not exactly helpful,” she huffed. “Will you tell me when you’re coming back home, at least? Maybe we can talk then.”

Leo was pretty sure he visibly winced at the word ‘home’. He wasn’t sure what the Waystation was, but he’d only spent a few days there. It wasn’t a bad place, but it most definitely wasn’t home. Home had burnt down when he’d been eight years old. The only other home Leo had ever found was ashes scattered across the ruins of New Rome now.

Leo pushed the thought away. He had to keep it together.

“I… listen, I don’t know yet. I just need some time to… I don’t know. Process, I guess.”

“Process whatever it is you’re refusing to tell me about.” Calypso crossed her arms. “Fine. But you are coming back?”

There was an edge to her voice now—that of someone who had been left behind a few too many times. Over the course of her life, every person who’d ever kept her company had eventually dipped and left her heartbroken, never sparing her another thought.

And now Leo had done the exact same thing.

Wow, he was a terrible person.

“Obviously.”

He couldn’t stay here. He couldn’t continue bothering Piper when she clearly wanted to at least try to move on. And he had promised Calypso to try and stay somewhere with her—to live a normal life with her. Going back on that wasn’t fair to her. Not even when he was sure he was too broken to live that kind of life—too broken for anyone to ever properly put him back together.

Staying here wasn’t fair on poor Festus, either. Leo knew his dragon friend didn’t like being folded up into suitcase form as much as he was, but Piper’s new home wasn’t exactly made for huge metal dragons.

Leo tried to keep talking to Calypso. He really did. She lit up a little when he asked about school, and so they talked about that for a while. Calypso told him about classmates she got along with and how she liked marching band and Emmie tutoring her in the subjects she didn’t understand.

Leo listened and tried to get past the fact that he just didn’t get it. He tried to grasp her excitement for a place that had at best been boring as hell and at worst been actual torture for him.

“That sounds… I’m glad you’re happy.”

“I wish you were here. You’ve already missed several weeks of classes, but I think you’d like this school.”

Leo almost laughed. “I highly doubt that. They have yet to invent a school that can even contain me, never mind one that I actually like.”

“If you’re still refusing to engage in any sort of actual conversation with me that even vaguely implies there is a future where you may be coming back,” Calypso said bitingly, “will you at least tell me where you are so we can all stop worrying so much?” Leo kept brushing past the answer to that question because he knew it would prompt more questions that he wasn’t ready to get into. “Did you manage to help Camp Jupiter?”

“I-” Leo’s throat closed up. Not enough, his brain supplied. I couldn’t save Jason, and I couldn’t protect his home, either. I’m not sure me going there made a difference at all. He couldn’t bring himself to say any of that. “Kind of. I’m with Piper right now.”

Calypso’s expression soured even further.

“You ditched me and let me think you were dead for weeks so you could hang out with your friends? Let me guess, Jason is there, too.”

Somewhere, there was a rational part of Leo’s brain that realized this did sound bad. If he had been listening to that rational part right now, he probably could have had a mature conversation about this with Calypso. They could have resolved this like reasonable people.

But at the mention of Jason’s name, he just shut down. He did not tell Calypso anything. He just hung up on her.

~~~~

Leo showered, so by the time Piper got home he didn’t look like he’d spent the past hour curled up in a corner, bawling his eyes out.

Piper wasn’t an idiot, though. She knew that something was up the second she stepped through the door to find Leo in the kitchen making burritos.

“You okay?”

“Just got hungry.” He shrugged, like he wasn’t in fact trying to cook out the feelings he hadn’t been able to get rid of with his tears. It hadn’t really worked—cooking couldn’t exactly fix relationship issues or the fact that his best friend was dead—but rolling up the ingredients in one of his handmade tortillas at least helped keep his hands busy, and he actually��was a little hungry. “You can have one, if you didn’t already eat on your date. Ingredients are pick what you want,” he said, gesturing at the mess of bowls and the still sizzling pan of fried tofu, “but they’re all vegetarian.”

“You are my favorite person in the whole entire world, and also definitely trying to distract me,” Piper said, shaking her head, but she did move to fill up one of the still-warm tortillas with a ridiculous amount of black beans, lettuce and tofu, combined with not nearly enough salsa, as far as Leo was concerned. “And it wasn’t a date.”

“Mhm, sure. Did you guys-” Leo broke off in horror. He’d been watching Piper work, and sure, he’d been lovingly judging some of her completely unbalanced food combos in his head, but this he could no longer tolerate. “Pipes, what in the world are you doing? I’m unfriending you.”

He set his own food down on his plate and moved to stand beside his best friend. Screw the date interrogation, for now he had to save Piper’s poor tortured burrito.

“I thought I just had to roll the tortilla. Did I put too much stuff on it and that’s why it doesn’t work?”

She’d been trying to roll the entire thing in a single direction, impressively managing to make her excessive amounts of filling spill out of three sides at once.

“This is what I get for briefly forgetting you grew up a rich kid with a private chef,” Leo groaned, shaking his head in exaggerated disbelief. He gently shoved Piper away from the kitchen counter to do rescue breathing on her half-slaughtered dinner. “You can’t roll it like that, you absolute heathen. You need to tuck the sides in. Here, like this. That way you won’t end up with ingredients all the way down your shirt.”

He gently opened the tortilla back up, took a spoon to move the filling Piper hadn’t spilled to the middle and then rolled it properly, like his mom had shown him when he’d been five. He made a point of doing it way slower than necessary, like he actually expected Piper to memorize the steps and maybe take notes.

“Okay, okay, point taken.” Piper raised her hands. “But heathen is a hilarious insult considering we both have a Greek god for a parent.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a riot.” Leo grinned, neatly cutting the burrito down the middle and handing the plate back to Piper. Then, he started wiping down the counter. Kitchens were the only work spaces Leo had ever properly bothered to keep tidy. “Now that neither you nor your food are at immediate risk of death, tell me how things went with Shel. You engaged yet? For your sake, I hope she’s better at rolling burritos than you, because otherwise you’re both doomed.”

He made a show of looking at her hands like he was actually expecting to find a ring.

“Shut up.” Piper rolled her eyes, but she smiled. “It was pretty great, actually.”

“Hello? Details?” Leo waved his hands in circles for emphasis. “You don’t seriously think I’m letting you off the hook that easily, do you?”

Instead of moving towards the table like she should have, Piper flopped down on the small couch with her food, so Leo grabbed his plate and joined her there. He wasn’t complaining about dinner on the couch.

“I’m only telling you if you tell me what’s up with you first. Because, distraction or not, you won’t get rid of me that easily, either.” She nudged him gently, then stuffed her mouth with food like she was trying to emphasize she wouldn’t go first.

Her face melted into a completely content expression, and Leo immediately felt happier.

“That good, hm?” Piper made a humming noise of confirmation. “Then I think you owe it to me to tell me how your date was. I promise I’ll tell you what’s up with me after,” Leo said with a grin.

He knew he had to give her something or she would never talk, but he really wanted to hear about Piper’s day before he went and ruined the mood.

“Ugh. You’re the worst.” Piper sighed, letting herself fall against the sofa’s backrest dramatically. “Fine. But only because you’ll be completely unbearable otherwise.”

“You know me so well.”

Leo tried not to feel a sting at how great Piper’s day had been without him there. What he felt when she talked wasn’t the same painful sting he’d felt when it had been her and Jason dating, though Leo couldn’t quite explain why. Most of him didn’t mind this. Hell, most of him was happy for her.

But it certainly didn’t help the feeling that he wasn’t exactly needed here.

The not-date itself actually sounded pretty nice, as long as Leo managed to make all the useless voices in his head shut up.

Shel and Piper had grabbed coffee (which Leo couldn’t sympathize with) and just talked for ages. Shel was apparently on her school’s swimming team, did theatre in her free time and liked a lot of the same music and movies as Piper. She’d lived in Tahlequah her entire life. She’d also known she was a lesbian since she was eight years old.

At that point, Piper had apparently felt like she owed her some sort of heads up—both about the fact that she was still new to all this and about having recently lost a really close friend that she’d dated at some point and how that didn’t leave her with much headspace to figure out… everything else.

That seemed like a lot to share so early on, but Piper said Shel hadn’t minded. She’d just thanked her for being so honest, and told her she was there if Piper needed someone to talk everything through with.

“Which I obviously can’t, because well, if I told her a Roman Emperor came back to life and stabbed my ex, she’d definitely think I’ve lost it completely, but it’s a nice sentiment.”

“Yeah, I thought everything else was already a bit much, but ‘my mom is a Greek goddess, I can brainwash people and me and my friends saved the world last year’ really isn’t a conversation for a first date.”

Leo wasn’t sure how Piper could stand it. The thought of having to keep most of his life secret from a mortal parent and any new friends he made seemed impossible to him. Hell, even if he’d wanted to, Leo was pretty sure he’d inevitably slip up and make a joke about the time he almost got eaten by a giant killer shrimp, and that was if he didn’t anxiously catch himself on fire first.

“Anyway, she said it’s totally understandable that I need time, and if the worst she can get out of this is a friendship with a pretty girl, that’s still a win in her book. And she still insisted on paying, to welcome me here,” Piper told Leo fondly. “It was… I don’t know. She’s nice. I’ll probably end up at the same school as her, and she’s offered to show me around.”

“So, how soon can I expect a wedding invite?” Leo asked with a grin. “You’ll remember the best man thing, right?”

“Keep this up and you won't get an invite if I do actually get married one day,” she teased back, gently flicking him in the head. “Now, tell me what’s going on with you. You promised. Did your call with your girlfriend go okay?”

Leo winced, which was answer enough in his opinion, but he knew Piper would disagree with him on that one. He still didn’t want to have this conversation. He also really didn’t want to bring Piper down when she’d finally had a good day for the first time in ages.

But she was looking at him expectantly, and Leo knew that no matter how much he wanted to, he wouldn’t be able to get out of this one.

“It wasn’t great. Apparently, me being gone for so long had everyone pretty worried. Go figure,” he admitted, hoping he could avoid elaborating. He didn’t exactly want to dump all of his relationship issues on Piper, especially since there wasn’t anything she could do to fix them. He knew it was sort of necessary to keep talking, but he could barely get the words out. “And, uh. Because of that, I think it might be time for me to head back to the Waystation.”

It was something he’d been thinking about on and off since that IM with Frank and Hazel. And as much as the thought of going back made his stomach pool with dread, the call with Calypso had just sealed the deal. Once he’d managed to stop crying like a baby and his heart had quit throbbing out a painful rhythm of Jason, Jason, Jason until he couldn’t breathe, Leo had at least tried to figure out what he wanted to do now. He couldn’t keep staying with Piper, who was finally starting to be somewhat okay again. He couldn’t keep ignoring the fact that he’d just ditched Calypso for the world’s longest, most depressing sleepover.

If he wanted any chance to salvage that situation, and if he wanted to give Piper a chance to actually move on instead of continuously dragging her down with him when he didn’t want to move on the way she was trying to, then he had to go back to the Waystation.

The teasing smile slid off Piper’s face.

“Oh,” she said, her lip wobbling a little. “Do you really have to go?”

Leo felt almost relieved that Piper seemed sad, though he realized maybe that was a bit of a shitty reaction on his part. At least he hadn’t completely annoyed his way out of this friendship just yet.

“See, that’s why I refused to go first. Instant mood killer.” He tried for a half-smile. “But yeah, I should probably go back soon. I’ve kind of been neglecting my girlfriend a whole bunch—I haven’t seen her in over a month, which is pretty shitty of me. Besides, poor Festus deserves to be in a place where it’s easier for him to stretch his legs. You know he doesn’t like being in sleep cycle this much.”

Piper wrapped her arms around herself. “I guess that makes sense, but- do you have to leave right now?”

Leo shrugged. “I mean, I don’t think another day or two will make a difference at this point. I’m going to get an earful once I get back either way.”

“Okay. Good. I know that you can’t stay here forever. But I need a few more days with you. I’m sure Festus will forgive you eventually.” Piper was obviously trying to sound like she was teasing him, but something pleading, almost desperate crept into her voice, which had Leo worried.

“Yeah. Festus.” Leo cringed internally. He actually wasn’t all that worried about Festus staying mad at him—sure, he might pout for a bit and would probably complain most of the way back to the Waystation, but he was usually easily appeased with enough motor oil, Tabasco sauce and maybe an upgrade or two.

Leo was unfortunately pretty sure his relationship issues with Calypso would need fixing that was beyond the magical abilities of Tabasco sauce—though what would fix them, he had absolutely no idea.

Them having problems wasn’t exactly new, and hadn’t entirely been caused by him running off on her now—even if that admittedly hadn’t helped.

“So, are we doing the world’s longest goodbye movie marathon, or do you need me for anything specific?” Leo joked, trying to hide his relief at getting to stay for a few more days, consequences for his relationship with Calypso be damned. “I know you’ve been lucky to bask in my presence for so long, I’d be reluctant to let me go, too, but that sounded like you might have actual plans.”

Piper didn’t laugh. She didn’t even roll her eyes at him, which was a terrible sign.

“If you really have to leave, there’s something I want to do first.” She reached out and took his hands with shaking fingers. “I- I’ve been thinking. About what Thalia said. And I want to find a way to properly say goodbye, too. But I don’t think I can do this without you.”

Leo felt like someone had punched him. He could basically feel the way all color drained from his face at Piper’s words.

“I- I don’t know if I can-” he stammered, fighting his instinct to immediately turn on his heels and run—out of this room and this house and preferably the entire state of Oklahoma.

Joking about it was one thing. Facing the reality of it—the fact that Jason was truly gone and he’d never get to see him or hug him or joke with him again—was an entirely different beast.

Leo wasn’t sure he was ready for that. He wasn’t sure he would ever be ready for that.

“You don’t have to say or do anything you don’t want to. I promise,” Piper told him, gently squeezing his hand. “I won’t force you to do anything you don’t feel ready for, okay? I just need you there. Please?”

Piper wasn’t charmspeaking him. Leo would have known if she was, and he knew that she’d never do that to him—not when it came to something as important as this. But she was looking at him with such wild desperation in her eyes that it was still impossible for him to say no.

It didn’t matter if this didn’t help him. Piper needed it. He’d left her for over six months. She was the one who’d actually been present when Jason had died.

The thought of that kept him up at night. He kept imagining Piper kneeling over Jason. Piper shaking Jason’s shoulders and screaming his name, hoping desperately for an answer she’d never receive. Piper clutching Jason’s body to her chest for the very last time. Piper wailing on that awful beach while Leo was a thousand miles away.

He hadn’t been there for her when she’d needed him the most. This was the least he could do to start making things up to her.

“Okay,” he said, reaching out to pull Piper into his arms. It was a mostly selfish act, really—if he hadn’t been holding onto something, Leo wasn’t sure how he would have kept himself from falling apart. “What do you want to do?”

“Jason wasn’t just a Roman demigod. Not since-” Piper broke off, but Leo caught her meaning anyway. Not since he met us. “He belonged to both camps. That was important to him. I think he should have a proper Camp Half-Blood funeral, too.”

———

Some more notes:

So, it’s been six months since I posted the first chapter of this fic and about fourteen months since I first started working on it, and I am delighted to announce that it’s finally done! I can therefore reliably promise both weekly updates and that this fic won’t be abandoned partway through! Hooray!

It still feels kind of dizzying whenever I think about this story actually being done considering how long it’s been my main writing project. I originally thought this whole fic was going to be done in like three chapters. It turns out what my brain wanted instead was a whole Leo Valdez novel. I cannot say that I, personally, am upset about this outcome.

Special shout-out to my friends who have listened to me ramble and rant about this fic for months LMAO

I poured a lot of love into this story and I hope you’ll have a good time with it! Comments obviously super, super appreciated. Thank you all for reading!

Tag list: @poppitron360 @bookIshpolythist @lilyfrey @lady-silkwing @intenebrisobscurat @manygeese @ann-rex

(If anyone wants to be added/removed from the tag list, let me know!)

#tchig

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