#There is nothing fair about the way mental health is treated. It's always something about which way the pendulum swings.

[viktoriamagrey]

At some point we're going to have to talk about how much damage social media has done to certain groups of vulnerable, mentally ill people by convincing them a certain thing is supposed to be their entire personality or something to completely accept rather than work on. This milquetoast approach, this shrugging of the shoulders and simply telling people that they're "fine the way they are" and that they don't have to do anything, that they just need "more support from others" (as if that solves their problems) is backfiring really badly on people who really don't need even more cushioning from their problems. In certain online pockets, it has actually alienated people who seek recovery from their own spaces by creating an echochamber of despair that makes people even more likely to scowl at the entire concept of accountability, or acknowledging the part they play in their issues. It just goes back to a basic problem with identity "culture". If you convince an entire group of people that they are always the victim for simply being who they are, they never have to be held accountable for anything, no matter how much it affects them or others. That's why so many people crave an identity to latch onto, and why it's such a dangerous mindset to have towards mental illness in particular.

...I'm really resentful of this mentality, because to some degree I fear that all it has done in the end is make certain types of people even less likely to seek help or treatment, simply scapegoating other people or pointing to "the stigma" as an excuse whenever anything negative is said, which is what happens when people overidentify so much with the broader strokes of a mental illness; that even just admitting its negative impacts is viewed as a big, personal attack. Those that really do need to hear more acceptance usually just stay completely out of the conversation to avoid being associated with certain, more conflictive types of people, and only get to see negative comments being made from either side.

It's incredibly disheartening to see. I understand that certain things arose as a direct response to the villification of mental illness, which is definitely a problem that is still very much in the process of being addressed at all in some ways. But there are plenty of people who could definitely use a much bigger push and are not getting that because people think that if you don't treat the very mention of everyone's condition with kid-gloves you may be "responsible" for someone being hurt or otherwise hurting themselves. The thing is, that's not anyone's responsibility but the person's. (I've seen so many comments on videos on mental health topics where people confess to going there specifically to self-harm. Does that mean we shouldn't talk about them?) If it's just the truth, you should be allowed to speak it. There are certain comments you seem to be not allowed to make, no matter how much they're backed up by people who know what they're talking about (even just part of a diagnostic criteria!); simply because you're supposed to avoid upsetting the "vulnerable" group who somehow always keeps finding their way back to the things that they want to get mad at specifically to yell at you about it instead of focusing on recovery.

[taurielofmirkwood77777]

Can we all stop with the "Aziraphale is wrong, Crowley is right" mentality please? The whole season was spent of saying "nothing is just black and white, everything is in shades of grey" and yet a lot of people are still falling for the black and white thing. BOTH were right and BOTH were wrong. Let's unfold this, shall we?

Starting with the elephant in the room, yes, Aziraphale was wrong for thinking he can change Heaven. We, as an audience, saw just how awful Heave can be, when Aziraphale didn't for the most part. He doesn't know why Gabriel is fired and he never learned how Heaven treated "him" after he averted Armageddon. He doesn't know all of that, but we do, so it's not fair to blame him for it. Him believing that he Crowley wants to be an angel again is simply due to the lack of communication between them. Both in season 1 and 2, Crowley mentioned multiple times that him falling was not fair because he never did anything more than just ask questions, unlike other demons who were all against Heaven. So Aziraphale assuming that that means he would like another shot at being an angel is completely reasonable.

Now, Aziraphale was also right for taking the job. Considering the events of season 2, it was very clear that Heaven wouldn't simply let Aziraphale and Crowley exist in peace after everything. Yes, they had 4 years of peace, but for immortal beings, that's more like 4 hours. Aziraphale wants to make sure that he and Crowley CAN exist without the constant fear of revenge or punishment. After all, we were just introduced to the Book of Life and there's nothing stopping Heaven from erasing one or both of them from existence forever. Aziraphale doesn't want to be with Crowley if that means living in constant fear, because that's not really a living, is it? He needs to do something about it. Even if Crowley doesn't see it that way, Aziraphale has to do something to keep them both safe, if not the entire Earth. So his choice of going to Heaven may not be "good", but it sure is the most logical.

As for Crowley... poor Crowley. He doesn't get it. In season 1, he came to Aziraphale and had to work to convince him to stop Armageddon from happening. And the moment he thinks that it can't be stopped, he decides to run away. And that idea stuck. Up until that moment back in season 1, Crowley didn't even entertain the idea of leaving Earth. But from that point onward, it's the only thing he thinks about. He brings it up every chance he gets. You could even argue that being a coward is one of the reasons he became a demon in the first place (sorry not sorry). But running away isn't an option. Running may save him from the problems going on on Earth, but no matter where he goes, he can't get away from Heaven and Hell. They can always pull him back, they can do worse things from afar. But Crowley doesn't see it. He tells Aziraphale "You can't leave this bookshop." as if that's not what he was planning to do since episode 1. Crowley loves the Earth. Even more so than Aziraphale. He plays dress up every chance he gets, he drinks poison for fun, he cares about the health of ducks and is clearly indulging himself in alcohol much more than Aziraphale does in food (speaking of, he was also the first one to consume human food and drinks and the reason Aziraphale does so in the first place). He's the one who convinced Aziraphale to stop the destruction of Earth in the first place. But Crowley is also very stubborn.

At the same time, Crowley knows better than anyone how Heaven and Hell work and how that can never be changed. He saw first hand how Heaven treats its own angels (I'm including Gabriel in this) and realises it's all a trap. He can tell. He fears for Aziraphale's life, and even for his if he were to accept it. Crowley tries to warn him more than anything. But just knowing everything is a scam is not enough.

The only way for Aziraphale and Crowley to be able to just be together is for them to make sure they can. And the only way to do that is by going in the belly of the beast.

[roo-bastmoon]

Off My Chest

Rant about Hybe under the cut. I give you my word I will try to post a majority of positive content, because the world (and my mental health) doesn't need more negativity, but sometimes you just gotta vent.

Folks, if you've known me for a hot second, you've realized I am a Jimin-biased Jikooker... but I am OT7, and I sincerely love and support BTS.

I believe Jimin is a grown man who can advocate for himself and I believe Jungkook absolutely supports and adores him, whatever their relationship status is.

I always try to accentuate the positive and avoid online drama and negativity as much as possible, but I need to get this off my chest.

I will never be gas-lit into believing that the way Jimin was treated in solo era was fair, or equitable, or even made any kind of business-sense. I've genuinely tried to entertain other people's points of view and listen to people who claim to have industry expertise, but...

I will never forget his mail being tampered with four times, his leaked insurance information, denial of more music videos, overlapped solo release, only 9 days of promotion, split title tracks, no radio or play-listing, no bio for his Spotify for months, no restock of his single CD for months, hundreds of thousands of frozen and deleted sales, millions of culled streams, shady articles in WeVerse and Billboard, insulting dialogue in In the Seom, failure to submit to RIAA certification for months, only a paywall documentary on WeVerse, zero official acknowledgement of his Hot 100 #1, 1 billion streams on Spotify, or wins for The Fact, MAMA, and two Webbys, plus broken in-ears, anemic little balloons and a sad background tarp as decorations for his fan events… and the company telling him how doing more would just be impossible.

I compare all that to the push that other members and other groups got, and I know it just isn't true. It wasn't impossible.

Hell, Jeon Jungkook put in more effort to promote Jimin’s work and showed more respect for Jimin as an artist during his at-home lives than that whole company did, which honestly makes no sense from a profit standpoint.

I will never forget it, and I will not entertain arguments that say I’m a solo or an anti or jealous about it. I have eyes.

I am not out to shade any other members nor put forth any conspiracy theories. I simply want all our boys to get everything they justly deserve.

And yes, other members have suffered mishaps and neglect, but nothing of this scale, this consistently. It baffles me, I cannot understand it, and I'm done trying. Something strange was going on behind the scenes and we may never be privy to the details.

In trying to put this awful feeling behind me, I will say I am elated that Jikook are serving together and can support each other. I am glad there will be a Jikook travel show. I'm continually impressed with all of Jimin's success (in the military and professionally) despite all odds. I will always love and support all of BTS with my full heart.

And I sincerely hope the company has been taking notes and course-corrects for PJM2, even if it rubs some higher ups the wrong way if they had a different vision. Considering Jimin’s unique talents and his amazing star power—even his ability to bring Paris and New York to a screaming standstill just for the opportunity to see him exit a car—I would hope the company will “do their best to promote all labels and artists without discrimination” going forward.

But what happened truly sucked, and I needed to get that off my chest. I am not interested in further discussion or debate. I am now going to do my best to shift my focus and energy on to the things I want to manifest, instead of the things that enrage me.

So let me end on a positive and hopeful note: I put all my trust in Jimin, who signed a new contract with Hybe and who unfailingly adores all his members. There can be no love without trust. I will always do my best to trust BTS.

But I'm watching carefully. For Jimin and all our boys.

Love, Roo

[nathanbatemanfucker]

Sycamore Part 1: Along the Deep

summary: Frankie had said that your home was the perfect place to lay low; a small cottage nestled between the Alaskan sea and forest.

pairing: Santiago Garcia x fem!reader (Eclipse)

wc: 2,415

warnings: not sfw/minors dni/18+, strangers to lovers, eventual smut, mentions of canon typical violence, mental health issues (ptsd), addiction mention, food mention, internal angst, pining

an: its good to be back! hoping this series will propel me forward and get me writing more consistently. can't wait to hear yalls thoughts, and as always thank you for reading <3

sycamore masterlist

Santi’s running, headed to a place he’d never dreamed of setting foot in: Alaska.  It isn’t an unfamiliar feeling–running is his forte– but this time around he truly feels like a failure. This time, he’s running because it's life or death and with the loss of Tom, Santi finds himself yearning to live. He had to make this grief burrowing in his chest worth something, and he was grateful to do it in the face of a stranger.

Frankie had assured him that you’re calm and collected. But, Santi didn’t know who you were– had never heard of you before this moment. He felt it was fair to have his doubts.

“Who is she?” Santi had asked once they had touched back down in Florida.

“Childhood friend. She served and seen as much as we have. I’known her longer than I’ve known you,” Frankie had explained.

Any of those doubts that lingered in Santi’s mind crumbled and were lost to the wind as he continued driving down the windy Alaskan roads. He’s surrounded by rows upon rows of trees. Frankie had said that your home was the perfect place to lay low; a small cottage nestled between the Alaskan sea and forest. Sunlight is endless this time of year and the salty coastal breeze bathes everything it touches.

He knows he’s in the right place once his tires hit gravel. The driveway stretches on a couple miles and he feels his heart rate increasing, palms slick against the leather steering wheel. This isn’t a test, this isn’t something he has to get right. All he has to do is mind his own business, keep his head down– something he does with the people that care so deeply for him day in and day out. 

The house comes into view, sand and sea as its backdrop. You are not what Pope expects– neither is the house. You’re sat on the porch swing waiting for him, a book in one hand, a mug in the other. The word that comes to mind isn't one he uses often, but you are distinctly lovely. You look so relaxed, in a pair of cutoff overalls, hair up and framing your face. The house is white and rustic, and the porch wraps around it entirely.

Pope exits the car, treating you to an awkward wave. He doesn’t understand why his knees feel weak, but it could be your intense gaze. You wave back at him with an easy smile. You look welcoming, like a woman waiting for your husband to return home. But he has to remember, he doesn’t have a home anymore, that he hardly knows you even though he already likes everything he knows about you. He’s nothing but a man who bounces from place to place, contract to contract, there isn’t room for him here. 

“Need some help?” You call out to him as he heads towards the trunk. 

“I’m alright,” He says, not unkindly. 

You stay put on the swing, sliding a bookmark between pages to save your spot before you wrap your hands tightly around your mug of tea. He’s more handsome than he was in the pictures, but there’s something in his step, in the way his shoulders slouch that tells you whatever he’s just experienced has changed him.

Frankie wouldn’t tell you much besides that they’d had a big job in South America that had gone awry. They’d lost a friend– a brother, Tom who’d you seen pictures of before. You hadn’t pressed for details knowing that the more you knew the more at risk all of you would be. 

But, from the lost look in Santiago’s eyes as he trudges up to the porch, you know it had to be heavy. A loss deeper than he’d ever known. 

He holds out a hand to you, words rushing out of his mouth in an unfamiliarly clumsy way, “Santiago. Santi. Or Pope, I don’t know.”

“Santiago. You can call me Eclipse.” You say, taking his hand and shaking it firmly despite the current that seems to follow between the two of you. You brush it off, standing and gesturing towards the house, “Let me show you your room.”

He continues to be surprised by you. The inside of the house is simple, all cream and light wood and house plants with small pops of color. The couch is large and fluffy with a colorful patch quilt on it, taking up most of the living room space. There’s lots of black and white art, even a set of twinkly lights in the kitchen. 

You lead  him into what seems to be a never-ending hallway, showing him the bathroom he’ll use, where closets are, your room. He notices that you neglect to tell him what’s in the room beside the one he’ll be staying in and the curiosity that’s been bubbling inside him overflows.

“What’s this room?” Santi asks, his voice strangely polite. He doesn’t want to offend you. The only thing he really wants right now is to know more about you. He points to the closed door between the large bathroom and his room for the next two months.

He notices your body stiffening, and for the first time since the two of you have met you look guarded. Secretive. Your eyes are wary as you answer him, “My art studio.”

Santi’s fascinated, you’re even more mysterious now. He’s thrown by how taken he is with you, how his knees feel weak and not from all of the bullshit he’s but him through. This pull he feels is different than usual, complex and genuine. He wants to unravel you, but unlike his usual habits of leaving when it’s all said and done, he would put you back together. He’d be drowning in his fear if he wasn’t so hungry for the knowledge of you. 

“The art’s yours?”

Your face warms, but you shrug, brushing off his…wonder. That’s what you identify; he’s marveled by you. “Living up here, I had nothing better to do.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but you quickly cut him off, not wanting to discuss your art in depth– it isn’t yet what you want to be. Something has always been off, always been missing. 

“Are you hungry?” You ask quickly.

“Starving, actually,” He says sheepishly, his mouth pulling up into a soft smile. 

So handsome and so broken, you allow yourself to think for just a moment.

“Get settled, I’ll heat up some food for us.”

“Thank you, Eclipse.”

“Of course,” You say easily, like this choice of you inviting him into your home took no thought, no effort. Like you’ve known each other for multiple lifetimes. 

 As he watches you walk down the hall, he finds himself wishing that to be true. 

With  plenty of stew in the freezer, you preheat the oven to bake some potatoes. While the stew heats, you prep the potatoes, chopping them into small cubes and coating them with an herb mix. It’ll only take them 20 minutes in the oven, enough time to throw together a fresh salad with vegetables from the garden and warm some rolls.

You hear him shuffling down the hall about 15 minutes later, and when he appears he’s changed into a white t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

You allow yourself a single glance at him as you stir the stew, quickly forcing your eyes away from him, “Drink? I’ve got water, soda, coffee, tea. Matcha.”

He raises an eyebrow, looking a little disappointed, “No beer?”

“I’m sober. 3 years.”

Santi has to force his expression to stay neutral. You’re sober like Fish. He wonders what your vice is, how you made it to this point. It was hard with Frankie, a fight every step of the way but one he’s dedicated to helping win. 

“I have ginger beer,” You offer when he stays quiet.

“I’ll take it.”

He can see it clear as day, how good for Frankie you’ve probably been and will continue to be. Frankie may not know it, but you’ve  been taking care of him in your own way for a while now. He’s described you to Pope as a younger sister, familia through and through despite losing each other for a while. Santi wonders just for a moment how you’d  treat a lover, his eyes roaming your body. The thoughts are whisked away by the crack of a can, and you slide  it over to him. 

“Thanks,” He croaks, his cheeks warm from his thoughts. 

If you notice you don't mention it, quipping back with another soft, “Of course.”

A comfortable silence settles between the two of you, and he takes a seat at the sturdy wooden table. He tries and fails not to watch you move around the kitchen. You’re incredibly graceful, floating around the room as if you’re on a cloud. You get the salad on the table along with some plates in perfect timing;  the oven dings just as you turn towards it.

You’re a machine, just like him. Just like Frankie, and Benny and Will. Like Tom was. And yet it seems like it hasn’t plagued you the way it has all of them as you plate up dinner and sit across from him. This little life you’ve built, even if he ‘s just gotten a glance of it seems peaceful. He wonders if he could be whole in a place like this or if that’s just wishful thinking he’ll never verbalize. 

“What made you move out here?” He asks softly after several minutes of silence marked by the sound of forks on plates. 

“Solitude suits me,” You say simply.

Santi knows that’s not true. With how easily you welcomed a stranger here, the second nature of you fixing him a meal. He doesn’t push, its not his place.

“I guess I’m ruining that for you then.”

“Francisco trusts you. So I trust you.”

Trust, not solitude. You need safety and instead of finding it in people around you, you find it in yourself. Santi sees you a little clearer now– sees that this isn’t a sanctuary, it’s a fortress surrounded by water and sand and sycamores to keep everyone out.

“That’s why you don’t live in town?”

“I can’t– the guns,” You explain gruffly. “I need to know where they are and when they’ll fire or it gets– bad.

Oh. 

He gets it. He hasn’t experienced it himself, his body’s still in this flight mode, but he can imagine what happens when it’s been turned off and then triggered. He’s heard the stories, though he files them away in a box in his head, never to be touched again. Or so he thought, until he met you. 

In a strange way, you remind him of himself–even with all the work you’ve done he sees you as guarded, though less closed off than he is. Just like him you crave  organization, and belonging, though it seems like your versions are much more poetic than his. More than ever, Santi feels like the scraps of belonging he had with his men is out of reach with Tom gone. Everything’s jumbled and off balance, and now they’re left to figure this out again. Like it wasn’t hard enough the first fucking time. But here…it feels like he could start to. Like he could do it properly. 

The sun is finally starting to set when you finish dinner, and Santi insists that you stay put and let him clean up. When he gets all the food scraps in a pile you head out to put them in the composter and give the plants one last little sprinkle, though the coastal spray was probably enough. As always you find yourself staring into the abyss of the ocean, eyes captivated by the crash and fall of blue hues.

He watches you through the kitchen window, slowing down his methodical movements so that he can spend more time simply looking. There’s no purpose, no quota he must fill in being here with you unless he truly wants it. And right now the only thing he wants to do is look, and look and look at how beautiful you are. 

With the dishes done he follows after you, standing awkwardly on the porch. Santi looks down at his feet, as if the answer to the question in his head rests upon them. But as if you’ve heard his silent steps, you look back at him expectantly and his eyes rise to meet yours. Your mouth raises just a fraction of an inch, he wouldn’t even count it as a smirk, but it pulls the question out of him, “Do you mind if I join you?” 

You  just beckon him on and his feet move without thought, listening to your siren call. You sink further into the sand as he nears you, burying your feet and resting your head on your knees. et. He kicks his shoes off before joining you, keeping his legs straight as he leans back into his palms. The sand is cool and scratchy against his calloused hands. You stay like that as the minutes go by, the sun sinking further and further into the sky.

It looks half submerged in the ocean, its golden hues reflecting off the dark water, when you finally speak again, “I’m gonna head in but you should stay a while. It’s an experience, watching the sun leave the moon alone.”

He hums noncommittally as you rise to your feet dusting the sand off your body. “Thank you for letting me come here. Especially without Fish.”

“Fish,” You repeat, laughing softly. You hardly even glance at him when you say, “You never have to thank me. Goodnight, Santi.”

Winded, Santi can only nod and you both avoid eye contact as you pass him, the moment already feeling charged enough. He likes it though, being on edge about something other than a mission or objective. Your jury’s still out, but she can’t deny what you’re feeling already. 

“Goodnight,” He calls after you once his voice returns.

When you make it to the door you turn to look at him; there’s a pull, an invisible string wound between the two of you. Slowly, you commit this scene to memory so that you can start painting it. You’ve found a muse in him and how long has it been since you’ve painted in color?

He stays there to watch the sun leave the moon, thinking of you the entire time. 

> Part 2: Juna's Bloodshed

taglist: @sylviantree, @whatthefish, @marc-spectorr, @mccn-bcys, @toracainz, @xbellaxcarolinax, @reallyrallyauthor, @missdictatorme, @lesbianhotch, @campingwiththecharmings, @veritable-trash, @ivystoryweaver, @iolaussharpe-24, @aria725, @hana-hanako, @kingtwhiddleston, @for-a-longlongtime

[strawberrycakelove]

No one will ever convince me that SasuSaku has nothing wrong.

No one will ever convince me that everything is fine with SasuSaku and that Sasuke is a person who is minimally or decently happy with his situation or his marriage.

How Sakura manages to be happy in her relationship is a complete mystery to me, this can only be explained by her being insane or very egocentric and the mere label of "Sasuke's wife" being enough for her, which does not speak in favor of her mental health.

Sasuke was defeated by Naruto and therefore considered himself defeated by life.

(I consider this quite dramatic and exaggerated, actually quite lame, but it's worthy of a 16 year old mental age show, as the characters matured and aged, the series could have matured too, but whatever.)

And he's lacking enough backbone to come to terms with that (and remain at the mental age of a 16 year old forever too, there's even some justice here with Sakura acting like a 15 year old after 30), he might It's ironically fair, but no one is going to convince me that there's nothing wrong here.

Then he took Sakura, because that was understandably what he had left at Leaf, and he probably just kept her and had a child to demonstrate that, if not, he was at least on good terms with the village (because he doesn't stay in the village, he is he was always traveling/doing missions etc), he was not unwilling either, as he placed a child there of his blood as a guarantee, that he would at least not destroy his son's house.

It's my haedcannon, he's not complimentary to Sasuke, but I'm not obligated just because I sympathize with his character, because love, affection, attention and a family he didn't give to Sarada even in her most critical years.

It's as if he had completely forgotten his own resentment towards his father in his childhood because he realized he was passed over to Itachi.

Ah! but Naruto did the same to Boruto!

No!, Naruto didn't even have a family to have a better reference, it's very likely that he believes that having blood ties and being alive is enough (after all, that's what HE missed, a living family and blood ties)

Naruto is at least within Boruto's reach, and I think he truly believes that's enough.

Naruto just doesn't understand that Boruto expects his father to come to him, probably Naruto thinks that if Boruto needs something, he will look for him, like Naruto did when he needed something from someone and didn't hesitate to get it.

Naruto doesn't understand that Boruto isn't as independent as he is (Naruto doesn't even understand that he himself needed to become independent).

It's natural for him not to understand to a certain extent, Boruto has everything he didn't have (besides family and blood ties) he has talent and intelligence, why wouldn't he be independent?

Sasuke already knows very well that (having family and blood ties), talent and intelligence, does not make you naturally independent (as he resented his father's lack of attention and brooded for years about not knowing more after having managed to call his pay attention to the fireball jutsu), as he is another who was forced to become independent on his own.

And yet, he chooses to ignore Sarada's needs and feelings, being rude enough to say it was none of her business.

What do you mean, it's not her business to have something about her family? What do you mean, she of all people and being his daughter, wouldn't have similar feelings?

Sarada looks like a piece on a game board, and it's not like a person, let alone a Shinobi in a Shinobi Village, in history, wasn't commonly treated like pieces on a board, and I think Sasuke just accepted playing the game.

Which is decadent for a character who was so outraged by the inhumane way his clan and his brother were treated, with someone who insisted on bringing the Kages back to life to find out why they would find it acceptable.

To someone who asked Kakashi what he would do if he lost everything he loves.

To someone who said that if they wanted everything to go back to the way it was before, that his clan would be brought back.

For someone who resented his own survival of the massacre.

He knows what it's like, he knows these feelings very well, he didn't collapse for nothing after Itachi's truth was revealed, he knows it all very deeply.

He is not like Naruto who grew up and survived absence and emotional emptiness, Sasuke lived in a hell of pain and longing exactly because he knows how much of this can be lacking in a person.

Then he ignores Sarada's feelings.

Sasuke sank into a pit even deeper than Kakashi's after being defeated by Naruto.

Sarada really looks the piece here.

Why did he allow himself to have a child if he wasn't in a position to have one?

It's not like he couldn't have figured out how to avoid conception, he lived with Orochimaru for years and even studied to defeat him, for lack of intellectual capacity he isn't, in a world where even Madara could in a rudimentary way make a graft , that he couldn't not figure out how to do contraception. Are there no condoms or vasectomies in the world of Naruto?, in a world where eyes are transplanted as replacement parts? He accepted being without an arm, sterilizing himself would be the least of it, and with medicine from Naruto's world this should be easily reversible.

He was simply irresponsible to allow Sakura to get pregnant and forget about Sarada for 12 years.

Sakura was also irresponsible, but her character has always crawled in the mud when it comes to both self-love and common sense, so her choices being more than questionable in the intimate field simply isn't surprising. But Sasuke's descent into rock bottom is shocking. No one will ever convince me that there is nothing wrong with SasuSaku. With Sasuke or Sakura here.

[ai-the-broccoli]

The Resignation and Resistance of Yukika Nanase, an analysis

Last Friday (September 29th, 2023) was the 15th of the Eighth Month in the lunar calendar, which is the date of the Mid-Autumn Festival/Chuseok/Tết Trung Thu/Tsukimi/Uposatha, festivals strongly associated with the autumn moon in Asian countries.

Since I happened to have some ThoughtsTM and writings on Yukika Nanase (whose release event, "Otsukimi is After an Elegant Tea Party" was about, well, [O]tsukimi, and who's got a lot to do with Yukika in general), I thought this might be a really good excuse for me to finally officially begin posting on Tumblr! So...

Here is the first one out of a few (perhaps?): a little something I first wrote earlier this year, though now refined, organized, and extended by... maybe over 5 times its original length, for posting on here.

(official CG of the full moon, as it's depicted in the Yukika-narrated event Otsukimi. why exactly there is a rainbow around it is solely up to interpretation)

You may or may not be aware that Yukika Nanase is one of my favorite characters and main blorbos in Magia Record, and while I'm sure personal preference (and her being Relatable™️ for me) counts for a good part of it as it usually does, I would personally argue that she is also just an exceptionally intriguing character in general.

Typically, the fandom at large seems to view Yukika as a daredevil ojou-sama of sorts and some thrill-seeking gambler (and a character that her designer Masugitsune really likes), etc, etc. Now, it's clear where that image comes from, and by no means is it totally off either, but once you really get around to watching or reading any of her stories, you basically immediately see an entirely different side to her than what you might've assumed from her fandom reputation. almost like... the back side of the moon, so to speak

Now, in the canon story content itself, Yukika is often treated as a somewhat comedic character by the narrative, especially in stories where she's not the main protagonist. By no means is this a complaint or a criticism: Elements of comedy don't make a character any less well-written (unless said comedy is implemented in a way that's ineffective or distracting, but that's another matter entirely), and with Yukika in particular I've found that she often works with comedy excellently.

Besides, the fact she often has a comedic-ish role is largely in line with (and partly because of) Yukika's own extremely effacing perception and framing of herself—however, it also makes it quite easy for one to simply completely overlook her own emotional complexities and problems, both in-universe and among fans in the community. Which is fair, even she herself does it! ...But I do want to draw attention to it here, since it's an aspect of her that's quite interesting to me.

So today I'm going to talk about... Yukika's fatalistic mindset and her mental health.

Long informal analysis under the cut:

[cw: major spoilers for most Yukika-related stories, vague reference to Ashen Revolution's themes and motifs (nothing actually spoilery aside from AR's short very first opening section, which will be directly quoted), clinical discussion of mental health issues, mention of addiction]

A Magical Girl who has lived without ever straying from the rails laid out for her since childhood. Raised as a young lady, she is able to handle everything with ease, but her self-esteem is extremely low because of all the talented ladies who surround her. Though she was fed up with the boring life she was leading, her life has taken a sharp turn since she became a Magical Girl, and now she is constantly caught up in trouble.

Yukika's Extraordinary Everyday Life

If you're already familiar with any of her canon stories (or have read her official character description above), you must know that Yukika's "main thing" is that she's always involved in all kinds of trouble on an extremely frequent basis.

Like almost any other playable character in MR, she has her moments™️ (and, the fact that she is in constant stress and anxiety due to the passive effect of her wish; when nothing is wrong she keeps worrying something is about to go wrong in no time and she apologizes for it in advance, and when something is wrong, she blames herself for no matter what it is and tries to take responsibility at top speed), but overall Yukika seems generally surprisingly "fine" as in, we pretty much never see her get into any particularly negative emotional outbursts over anything, at all. Despite all the troublesome situations that she never stops finding herself in, she seems decently adjusted and stable (that is, "stable" on the grand scale of things, since everyday instability is her stability), at least among the MR girls we know.

But when you look into why that is the case, you'll kind of see that it's because Yukika actually has her own unique sense of a fatalistic mindset—in that, typically speaking, (there are some notable exceptions, such as when she made her wish) she completely accepts the state of herself and the state of her life as they are, even though they are by no means what she genuinely sees as ideal.

For instance:

[Though with all that said, I am, so to speak, in the role of "Villager A". - Yukika]

Yukika: (As I was one of many “Black Feathers”...) Yukika: (I didn't have any desire to advance and become a White Feather someday.) Yukika: (Because those White Feathers who manage the Black Feathers are more suited to shining...) Yukika: Yes, like the pride of Mizuna Girls Academy, Akatsuki Tsukuyo-senpai…! Yukika: Even in Mizuna Ward, where many wealthy families produce polished children, Akatsuki-senpai is a genuine charm... Yukika: ...Just like the full moon. Yukika: (While I get saddled with Student Council Officer duty almost every year because I seem "sort of" ladylike, whatever that means...) Yukika: (Akatsuki-senpai has an aura leagues above mine.)

she looks weirdly happy in the last two (pretty self-deprecatory) lines here and then goes on to talk about how her presence is so faint that Akatsuki-senpai still doesn't know she's a Magical Girl yet, whi— ANYWAY I digress

From this early part of Otsukimi, we see that Yukika has a crush on Tsukuyo (for legal reasons this is completely? a joke) a pretty set idea of what her "role" in this world is supposed to be (i.e. she has a "fixed mindset", as some may call it, as opposed to a "growth" one), and that is the role of a "Villager A"—basically meaning an NPC character, to put it in more common terms.

Yukika: (Looking for a substitute for Akatsuki-senpai and being mistaken for Akatsuki-senpai…) Yukika: (Despite her absence from beginning to end, she's got the sense of presence of a true protagonist!) Yukika: (It's getting more impossible by the second for a minor role like me to pretend to be her...)

And this attitude is very telling of her outlook on life as a whole.

Student Council President: That’s right. Will you accept? Yukika: Please leave it to me. Yukika: Our already-busy President shouldn't have to deal with this kind of hassle. Yukika: As the lowliest Student Council Officer, I think that I'm the right person for the job. Girl A: ...Oh, I’ll help you too! Student Council President: Thank you, it’ll be a huge help. Yukika: By "the lowliest Student Council Officer", I mean the Student Council Chore Officer, of which one is selected from each class. Yukika: My job is to gracefully prepare the tea in the student council room, help pour the tea for the exchange parties, and so on. Yukika: ...That's a tremendously misleading description, of course. Yukika: But in short, since it's hardly comparable to the Student Council President, who's elected by the whole school, and the Class President, who's elected from her class's honor students... Yukika: The job naturally gets foisted on me, the vaguely cultured-ish girl with no aura and hardly any presence!

From her rank in the Wing of the Magius as a "lowly Black Feather", to her duty in the student council as the "Student Council Chore Officer", Yukika views her roles and positions of insignificance as essentially predetermined things that she—as a self-perceived NPC figure—is simply matched for by nature; and she never even considers the idea of breaking out of this status quo, because, to her, it is simply a fact of life.

and you may notice this in the way Yukika presents/frames things—anything—in general, too; she's basically got an attitude of "ah well, of course, things are how they are; now let me deal with it so it doesn't trouble anyone else" toward basically everything, ever.

This brings me to my next point...

A Bunny Caught in the Tracks of Orbit

Yukika: Speaking of the moon, I used to wonder when I was a kid... Yukika: When the moon faces the Earth, it only shows the side with the rabbit and its mochi. Yukika: Why doesn’t it show the “other face” on it’s back? Yukika: According to my physics teacher, this is because the moon’s cycle of “revolution” and “rotation” is the same. Yukika: It’s apparently quite common in space. Yukika: (I don’t know what the standard of “common” is in space, but...) Yukika: Ah... I am Yukika Nanase, a first-year student at Mizuna's Girls Academy and a Magical Girl. Yukika: Yes, I am one of those who reluctantly set foot into the world of Magical Girls— Yukika: the "other side" of common sense, that most people will live their lives without ever knowing.

(excerpt from the start of Otsukimi, slightly condensed for format)

It is very clear from Yukika's Magical Girl attire that she's associated with rabbits/bunnies—partly for the casino aesthetics, partly for the Alice's Adventures in Wonderland reference, and partly because of the Moon, which is heavily associated with rabbits in Japanese culture. Namely, there is the legend of the moon rabbit, a mythical creature said to live on the moon, as Yukika herself references in the excerpt above.

Now, the next part is going to look like a bit of a stretch if taken to be actual speculation of canon, but to be clear that is not my intention; it is merely a connection I made/similarity I noticed, and I figured it would be interesting to bring up.

(...Actually that does remind me, I should probably clarify here that this entire analysis is, in fact, of my own personal interpretations of the content presented in the game itself, rather than what I theorize to be the deliberate intention of the writers.)

With that out of the way, let's look at the opening section of Ashen Revolution:

Rabi: We can never stop the never-ending movement of the starry sky. Urara: However much I practice, I can never defy the gravitational pull drawing the diabolo. Alexandra: No matter how much I raise my voice, without this atmosphere, my melody will never resonate. Asahi: Yes, we are forever under the control of the unseen. Asahi: Like this rabbit, it lost its life at the hands of my unseen self. Asahi: Everything is made by the natural order, and being at the mercy of it is a fate we must resign ourselves to...

I won't go into details about AR here since on a technical level Yukika is entirely unrelated to it, but it is an event about the struggle of Magical Girls, who help people in secret but remain completely unknown, unacknowledged, and not understood. Which...

compare Yukika's previously quoted monologue, in which she compares the world of Magical Girls, which "most people will live their lives without ever knowing", to the backside of the moon.

Coincidentally, Yukika's own character is also all about helping people in the background and never ever being acknowledged (to a higher degree than the average MR girl). Relatedly, she also notably possesses a level of figurative invisibility/unseenness similar to the AR girls, through her entire recurring "faint presence" thing.

So, as seen in the AR excerpt above, the rabbit motif is used to demonstrate their helplessness in the hands of fate—or in their specific case, "fate" as in what they perceive to be the "Will of the Universe".

Well, funnily enough…

[Yes, I believe it's all due to the Great and Terrible Will of the Universe... - Yukika]

Yukika: (Here it is, the new hassle..!) Yukika: (The schedule has returned to a blank slate…) Yukika: (Rather, things have actually gotten worse thanks to the passage of time.) Yukika: (How can I put this? It’s as if...) Yukika: (It's as if some great and terrible will of the universe is at work,) Yukika: (and is specifically targeting me and creating trouble.)

…alright, so this is 99.1% a coincidence, especially because the two terms don’t use the same word for “will of the universe” in the original Japanese text, but it’s pretty crazy nonetheless.

In any case, the themes of fate and fortune are indeed actually heavily featured in Yukika’s own character. There’s her gambling motif as seen in her story, design, and gameplay alike, and her entire “keeps getting caught up in troublesome matters” thing, which is the result of her wish.

And how does she see it?

Girl A: Wouldn’t that mean you’d have more work? Yukika: Please don’t worry. Yukika: Dealing with trouble is my fate. Girl A: …Fate? Yukika: Ah, nothing! Let’s hurry! Girl A: Yeah, got it! Yukika: (Yes, I am involved in trouble on a daily basis.) Yukika: (It’s the “fate” that has been decided for me ever since I became a Magical Girl.)

"Fate". Once again, we see a certain degree of fatalism in Yukika's worldview, especially in regard to herself. Rather than a choice she's made on her own, she sees her behavior/self-imposed duty of helping everyone out as the luck of the draw, something that is "decided for" her.

And this part is extremely significant because it offers us a particularly revealing look into her mindset:

The truth is, in spite of everything she goes out of her way to do daily in order to resolve trouble and help/save other people, without actually being forced to do any of that by anything or anyone, Yukika sees literally all of those actions as passive acts rather than something she's doing out of her own free will (and isn't actually obliged to do, really)—because, no matter what she does she only thinks of it as the predetermined consequences of her own choice, for these issues are always the fault of the wish she personally made (or so she thinks), thus the responsibility to resolve them naturally always falls on her shoulder, which is why there's really never anything to brag about about this, according to Yukika.

As for why and how she made such a wish in the first place, that is explained to us in her MSS:

Yukika: …I do think that I was blessed in many ways during my upbringing. Yukika: But one day, um… In spite of all that luxury, Yukika: when I thought of how from then on, rather than moving forward with my own strength, Yukika: I would instead be riding the train toward the future on the tracks built by my parents, Yukika: I started to feel like I wasn’t really “living” at all…

Not necessarily relevant, but for a bit of a linguistic context, the word for “tracks” (in the sense of “rails; train tracks”) and the word meaning “orbit” (as in the trajectory of a celestial body around another; the curved course of a satellite) is the same word in Japanese (and various other languages. Which makes sense, since even the English term “orbit” was derived from the Latin word “orbita” meaning “tracks; course”); hence my title for this section. anyway this ties into the motif of gravity as seen in Urara's line above

Very interestingly, the original line here too explicitly uses train and train track imagery as a metaphor for the course of life and fate, similar to how it's used to symbolize these things in Kenji Miyazawa's The Night on the Galactic Railroad, and by extension Magia Record, which takes a lot from Miyazawa's works.

Speaking of which, that brings us to our next, largest, and final section...

A Thin Ice Between Life and Death

buckle up guys, it's got three parts

Pt. 1. The Rabbit with a Death Wish

Earlier on, I said Yukika accepts her life as-is, but really, she also fully accepts her death as-is. While her heart does desire to feel "alive", and it is for that, rather than any active desire to actually die, that she longs to be at the brink of death, it is... actually a bit worrying, how little she feels like she has to live for.

Well, let's look at the part in Otsukimi when she thought she was going to die to the powerful Witch:

Yukika: (Ah… There’s blood coming from my mouth. This is called hematemesis, right?) Yukika: (I'm... definitely a goner at this point.) Yukika: (But despite that... No, maybe because of that...?) Yukika: (My head's perfectly clear, and I'm getting tons of adrenaline.) Yukika: (Way more than when I bet all of the coins I have…) Yukika: (I feel like I’m alive!) Yukika: Hehe... Yukika: (...Wow. I must be kind of crazy.) Nanny Witch: …………!! Yukika: Kwaah…!! Yukika: Hehehe... I've got plenty where that came from! Yukika: ...Is what I'd like to boast right now. Yukika: But my battery is dead. [the image of Hotori and Rion flashes before her eyes] Yukika: (I’m going to die without being able to do anything…) Yukika: (I wonder if that unknown White Feather felt the same chagrin…) [the image of Hotori and Rion flashes before her eyes] Yukika: I’m sorry… Yukika: I won’t be seeing you two at the moon viewing party. Yukika: .............

...maybe it's just me, but it strikes me as unusual and almost alarming how little she seems to feel like she has to live for, you know? Like, Rion and Hotori are a pair of girls who she literally just met this afternoon. And they (and her not being able to defeat this threat on other people's lives) are somehow her biggest regrets.

And like, Yukika isn't just like this here. Whether you say it's for thrills or for other people's sake (it's usually initially the latter with the extra bonus of the former sometimes), she never even hesitates to put her life on the line. It's kind of sad, really.

This makes sense, though; this sort of attitude tracks perfectly with the abysmally low value she attributes to herself and her existence (again, in her eyes, she is literally just the most basic NPC ever, and who cares about what happens to a random NPC? well actually several people in this fandom do care, including me, but it's not like Yukika Nanase would know that).

In fact, let's look at the legend about the moon rabbit that I mentioned earlier. A quick online search would tell you that it's a mythical figure in East Asian and indigenous American folklore, based on pareidolic interpretations that identify the dark markings on the near side of the Moon as a hare or rabbit

As a side note, this is (accidentally?) fitting in the context of her own perceived "lowliness" (+ faint presence and all) against Tsukuyo's full moon-like brilliance... but I should probably leave that for another analysis oops (assuming I ever write one)

who (in East Asian folklore) pounds the elixir of life (according to Chinese and Vietnamese interpretations), or rice cakes such as the mochi (Japanese and Korean interpretations).

But how come the Moon Rabbit arrived on the Moon?

There's a story behind it that originates from Tale 316 of the Buddhist Jataka tales, and a derived version of it appears in the Japanese anthology, Konjaku Monogatarishū.

According to the Japanese folklore:

The rabbit, as well as the hare, have long been associated with moon deities, and may signify rebirth or resurrection. According to legend, an old man who lived on the moon decided to visit Earth. A group of animals saw what they thought was an old beggar who was starving. “Poor beggar, he looks hungry and has no food. Let us give him some food”. First, the monkey plucked some fruit from the trees. He brought the fruits and laid them in front of the old beggar. Next, the otter collected some fish and brought it to the old beggar. The jackal was too lazy to find something that the beggar could eat, so he caught the first animal he could - a lizard, and placed it in front of the old beggar, along with some water. The rabbit did not know what to get for the old beggar. He was not good at catching animals or fish, nor could he scale trees and get fruit. He only knew how to gather grass, but humans didn’t eat grass. Having nothing to offer, he sat in a corner unhappy. Suddenly he remembered that humans like to eat meat. So he got up happily, prepared a fire and jumped into it, having decided to cook himself for the unknown old man. The fire did not burn the rabbit! The old man revealed himself to be Sakra, the ruler of Gods. “You have been very kind and selfless.” he said to the rabbit. Touched by the rabbit’s selflessness and virtue, he drew the likeness of the rabbit on the moon. “Henceforth, for all ages, all those who will look at the moon, will see your shape in it and remember your kindness.

(the story of Tsuki no Usagi, from here. lightly adjusted for formatting and such)

Most versions of this myth have roughly the same story, with the identities of the rabbit's companions varying. Interestingly, the legends of Moon Rabbits among some indigenous cultures of North and Central America often tell an extremely similar story as well. For example:

According to an Aztec legend, the god Quetzalcoatl, then living on Earth as a human, started on a journey and, after walking for a long time, became hungry and tired. With no food or water around, he thought he would die. Then a rabbit grazing nearby offered herself as food to save his life. Quetzalcoatl, moved by the rabbit's noble offering, elevated her to the Moon, then lowered her back to Earth and told her, "You may be just a rabbit, but everyone will remember you; there is your image in light, for all people and for all times."

(from Wikipedia)

The Jakata version of the tale relates that this event took place on Uposatha, which is the same night as Tsukimi. And while it’s hard to say for certain that this was 100% a deliberate reference, it’s definitely not farfetched to connect this legend to what Yukika does on Tsukimi in her debut event, and in general.

Deeming herself a thoroughly unnoteworthy person with nothing special to offer, she's extremely willing to throw herself into anything from minor inconveniences to life-threatening dangers, as long as it's to help someone else. Because, as noted by Tsukasa and Mifuyu in her MSS...

Tsukasa: I mean, she says she’s "dragged into it" by the effect of her wish... Tsukasa: But really, isn’t she taking on this lost child of her own volition? Mifuyu: She’s the type of girl who could never leave someone in need alone, no matter what. Mifuyu: So, from her perspective, it’s the same as being dragged into things. Tsukasa: …What a kind girl.

...So, honestly, I have no doubt that she would have no hesitation in doing the same thing as the original Moon Rabbit did in the legend, had she been in his/its situation.

Yet the thing is, as Mifuyu analyzes above and according to Yukika's own words about "fate" prior, Yukika never sees what she does as anything exceptional because, in her eyes, she's only doing what she's naturally supposed to do, and what she probably (incorrectly) assumes to be what anyone in her circumstances would also do. Thus, she never sees any merit in those actions and she refuses to take credit for them, trying to remain in the background because she firmly believes that's just where she belongs by nature. but more on her self-effacement next time.

Now, onto the secondary reason she's eager to throw herself into danger:

Her thrill-seeking instinct.

Though it's a well-known fact about Yukika that she is quite a reckless gambler, have you ever wondered...

Why is she like this in the first place?

Pt. 2. The Psychology of an Ennuyé Bunny

in which I accidentally turned the analysis post into a psych diagnosis of a mostly unspecified mental condition I swear as a distinctly not STEM person I went out of my way to do scientific research this time, please bear with it if you don't mind

Of course, there's a canon explanation for this in Yukika's MSS, where it is discussed.

Tsukasa: …medal games? Yukika: When I abandon myself in an all-or-nothing, do-or-die game, I can forget for a moment about my boring daily life. Yukika: So… going to the arcade after school to play medal games became a hobby of mine. Yukika: I even secretly bought a casino set, and now stare at it at home every night…  Mifuyu: …Your escape from reality, I see. Yukika: Exactly. Tsukasa: If that’s the worst you can do, then you really are a true lady.

(Seen in her MSS and personal memoria, this is the casino set she secretly keeps in her closet but only ever stares at, without actually doing anything with it.)

As Mifuyu puts it, Yukika finds in small acts of gambling an escape from her boring reality, and as she said in her wish, what she wanted was "the feeling of being alive".

This is, statedly, due to her boredom* more on this later from following a predetermined life path (hence her wish being an act of defiance against fate, one which she is shown to be deeply ashamed of), but also...

...you know how substance abuse, excessive gambling, and other forms of addictions often co-occur with mental health issues?

Yeah.

In many such cases, said addiction can be the consequence as well as the cause of these issues

because for people with symptoms of depression, anxiety, executive dysfunction (and any other kind of stress or motivation issues, etc.), activities like alcohol and gambling provide them with a temporary source of ease, escape, and/or brain chemicals of the likes of catecholamines* see explanation later, any of which they might lack otherwise.

Besides, executive dysfunction (which is seen in many different mental conditions) can also mean worse inhibition control in both thoughts and behavior, which makes people with executive function issues particularly susceptible to addiction to physiological-rewarding behaviors, in more ways than one.

So... while I'm not going to pin anything particularly specific on her (okay I lied I'll say here she clearly does show symptoms of general anxiety at least, even if that's solely induced by the effects of her wish and not something originally innate to her, but that's mildly beside the point here since I'm more talking about the cause of her wish instead of the consequence), I don't think it's that much of a stretch to speculate that Yukika might have a mental condition or two that contributed to her unbearable "boredom" with her routine everyday life at that time.

Many studies have shown that executive function problems (as seen in various different conditions including neurodevelopmental disorders such as ADHD and ASD, or mood disorders such as depression and bipolar) may be caused by imbalances and deficits in certain key neurotransmitters, such as:

dopamine, and

noradrenaline (a.k.a. norepinephrine)

...both of which are among the 3 catecholamine hormones & neurotransmitters, alongside adrenaline a.k.a epinephrine.

for reference, common ADHD meds like amphetamine (Adderall, etc.) and methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta, etc.) are often catecholamine analogs or serve the same function, that is to say, they're used to increase the amount of dopamine and noradrenaline released by the patient's adrenal glands.

You may have realized that this isn’t exactly the first mention of adrenaline in this post. Indeed, Yukika herself brought it up in the earlier excerpt from Otsukimi where she experiences a rush of adrenaline at death’s door.

Adrenaline and noradrenaline both fall under what's considered “stress hormones”. Along with dopamine, they're a big part of what activates the fight-or-flight response (or to put it in more medical terms, the "acute stress response") in a person, as the catecholamines increase heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, muscle strength, mental alertness and more.

Between the two, adrenaline is released by your body when you experience acute or chronic stress, in preparation to protect itself against real or perceived danger.

On the other hand, noradrenaline is continuously released into circulation at low levels, but the amount produced also increases in response to stress and fright.

(By the way, adrenaline is made from noradrenaline, and noradrenaline is made from dopamine.)

...Right, well, all this neuroscience stuff and I still haven't made my point yet. But basically, what I mean is that there's enough canon evidence for me to believe the odds are that Yukika Nanase is not precisely a neurotypical individual, no matter what her problem(s) actually is in exact.

This is evident in her...

Chronic boredom (sometimes synonymous with "ennui") prior to making her contract, indicative of a depleted reward system

Attraction toward gambling and other risky behaviors that act as stimuli and generate the release of catecholamines in her brain

Possession of a certain level of impulsivity, and engagement in reckless & risky activities

Novelty-seeking attitude and behavior

As previously discussed, those traits above are primarily observed in Yukika's wish, the circumstances and reasons behind her wish, and her thrill-chasing attitude and behavior, including her fondness for medal games.

Like, if you read what Biser Angelov says about the connection between ADHD and boredom (the article is about ADHD specifically, but you can apply this particular section's info to other conditions with cognitive dysfunction as well):

As you can see, the screenshotted paragraphs discuss similar ideas to what I've been talking about in this subsection, and I'm sure you can see from here how the situation described indeed applies to Yukika, especially with her state before her wish.

In addition, let's examine the psychology of a thrill seeker. Yukika fits the description of what we would call an "adrenaline junkie", being particularly into thrills and dangerous situations. But what exactly makes thrilling sensations so appealing to a so-called "adrenaline junkie"?

You may or may not have heard of the Sensation Seeking Scale (SSS), originally published by psychologist Marvin Zuckerman in 1964 as a measure of sensation seeking that encompasses and evaluates an individual’s personality traits of thrill and adventure seeking, disinhibition, experience seeking, and susceptibility to boredom. A study about the brains of people with high scores on the SSS shows that under chaotic/dangerous/troublesome circumstances, these people tend to excrete less cortisol and more dopamine in response to the situations, compared to those who score low.

Now, cortisol is also a stress hormone, but it generally generates more feelings of what we actually consider "stress" compared to dopamine (and other catecholamines), which is instead more associated with feelings of pleasure and attention. So, during those highly chaotic experiences, those with a thrill-seeking constitution are more likely to feel good and elated instead of feeling burdened by stress, and the experiences thus become exciting to them rather than suffocating.

Considering the factors analyzed above, this might be the case for Yukika as well. If her brain suffered from a deficiency of catecholamines on mundane days but could produce much of those energizing neurotransmitters and hormones under stress and fright, it would explain why she enjoys high-risk/near-death experiences (and gambling) and finds being in chaotic troublesome situations to elevate a good portion of her boredom.

Moreover, the need for higher stimulation in children with executive dysfunction is backed by scientific research, according to this article on the link between ADHD and high-risk behavior.

Other studies (Zentall and Zentall 1983 and Douglas 1983) indicate that children with attention problems need a higher level of stimulation. According to the research, children with ADHD are under-aroused by dull or repetitive tasks and will seek out high-interest or high-risk activities to compensate. Further, (Farley 1981, 1985) children that are under-aroused will search for more intense activities and will be more open to different experiences. They will prefer complex tasks to simple tasks; will seek new and novel experiences that include the need for high energy and high risk. In short, Farley found that children with hyperactivity seek high stimulation. His recommendations for children with hyperactivity included modifications to education to include more interactive and creative experiences to provide the extra stimulation needed.

Many other scientific studies, such as this one conducted in 2021, have also proven that ADHD, a major symptom of which is executive dysfunction, is "uniquely linked to a pervasive pattern of engagement in risky behaviors", spanning across various domains, including gambling.

Moving on, Yukika also has the tendency to:

Ramble a lot (in her head and otherwise) while jumping from one topic to the next, sometimes in ways that would be considered... whimsical?

Accidentally think aloud, or vocalize things that she has no intention of letting the other party hear about, without realizing it until she sees their reaction

Despite her own opinion, Yukika actually stands out to me as quite capable, intelligent, and resilient in various areas (especially when you consider how honestly difficult her everyday life is like).

That said, the way she thinks and talks does sometimes give off the impression of some sort of scatter-mindedness, and when we spend time in her head we see that Yukika kind of zones in and zones out of conversations sometimes because there’s always so much going on in her brain (partly thanks to her full awareness of her own trouble-attracting nature, but I kinda get the feeling she was probably kinda like that even before becoming a Magical Girl), causing her to blurt out to people things she doesn’t mean to tell them about at times.

There are several instances of this in Otsukimi, including the “dealing with trouble is my fate” comment she didn’t mean to let that random girl hear about in the earlier excerpt, and the Great and Terrible Will of the Universe remark (as seen in a previous screenshot) wasn’t meant for the Tea Ceremony Club’s leader’s ears either.

As for her erratic thought patterns in general, you can probably see the way her internal thoughts are always constantly racing throughout the entire event. In fact, one can just look at the very start of Otsukimi for an example. And in a different scene, we see Yukika suddenly wondering to herself, while very sincerely navigating the problems in an attempt to solve them:

Yukika: (This time, I’ll find the cause of the trouble!) Yukika: (I’ll definitely reveal it...) Yukika: (Just what the Great and Terrible Will of the Universe (Tentative Name) actually is!) Yukika: ………… Yukika: (I doubt it'd happen, but just imagine...) Yukika: (The moment I step into the old school building, everyone yells "Happy Birthday!",) Yukika: (and this mob of well-wishers swallows me whole.) Yukika: (If nothing else, please let me be spared the embarrassment of such a turn of events...) Yukika: (Ah, and maybe even Akatsuki-senpai is in the act.) Yukika: ...Yeah, I think not. Yukika: I mean, it's already past my birthday for starters...

...yeah. Doesn't particularly read like the thought process of a neurotypical kid to me, but hey, who knows, maybe that's just me.

Moreover, she also shows signs of:

Anxiety and restlessness (the former of which was either caused by her wish or marginally increased by it)

Low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and (debatably) inappropriate guilt

...etc, etc.

Overall, I believe that more than sufficient evidence is present in canon for one to see Yukika as having one or more mental conditions that come with executive dysfunction, and interpret her behavior and thinking through such an explanation.

Pt. 3. The Girl Who Wants to Live

On a note directly related to my conclusion in Pt. 2, I'm going to take a moment to compare and contrast Yukika to one of her better friends, Yuuna Kaharu.

Now, I personally believe that Yukika is quite a parallel to Yuuna in various ways, and Yuuna in The Flower that Blooms in a Hollow Heart definitely reads to me as having depression. I'd say the parallel is most obvious (to me) in like, Yukika's "I feel like I'm not really alive because all I'm doing is living the boring luxurious life to the future that my parents planned for me" (Yukika MSS, paraphrased) vs Yuuna's "I'm an empty shell blessed by the lucky life handed by me by my parents on a golden plate, only living because I'm not dead yet" (Hollow Heart, also paraphrased).

Yukika and Yuuna are also character foils, however, in that Yuuna has an arc centered on growth and she is able to advance forward because she finds herself a clear and defined goal in Mami, whom she sees as a role model that she aims to become like one day. On the other hand, Yukika establishes right at the very start of Otsukimi that she had never any desire to advance upward, whether in WoM or in school, because it was supposedly people like Tsukuyo who were suited for such better roles, and to Yukika, that's simply how it is.

There is another striking difference between them, and that is that Yuuna is unabashed in taking credit for when she's done something good, whereas Yukika times and times again brushes off any help she's offered with an "oh it's nothing special / it's already over with so let's not talk about it" kind of attitude, because that's really just how she sees it.

As examined earlier, this is largely due to her low self-worth and her perception of everything as her own natural responsibility. The unfortunate thing is that this self-effacing attitude, on top of her already faint presence and all, makes her even more unnoticed and her deeds completely unacknowledged.

And then, by further preventing most people from recognizing Yukika and her efforts, it reinforces her mindset about her lowly faint presence and further contributes to her lack of self-worth, which in turn makes her value her life even less, altogether creating a vicious feedback loop.

Yukika speaks of having friends in class, but with the way she talks about it, they don't seem all that close to her and they're definitely not people she could fully open her heart to.

see the fact that she's very concerned that her classmates and school friends mustn't hear about her visits to the arcades; she is never really seen thinking much about them on-screen, going to them for help, or worrying about any particularly important school friend when the whole school is in trouble, etc.

In canon, there are like only three named characters who consistently notice Yukika and actively try to pay attention to and care about her (Rion & Hotori, later Yuuna), and none of them even go to the same school as her.

And because Yukika has this somewhat fatalistic mindset, no defined aims or goals in life, and effectively actively discourages people from noticing her, she is likely to just... stay this way, unlike Yuuna.

Like, Yukika is just a weirdly really static character in her default state. As someone who's tried to work with her as a major character in a story, it's honestly kind of crazy how I always absolutely have to throw her into some odd situation where another character actively tells Yukika that she (and she specifically) should try to change or grow, as long as I want to make her undergo any dynamic character development. Otherwise, her usual mentality typically completely blocks any possible self-development of the introspective kind from happening.

To me, there's something rather... subtly tragic(?) about this, but...

Yeah, so, I for one do believe that Yukika still has the quality for future growth. Not sure if it could happen in the game or not, but like, I do think that can still happen to her as a person. And more than that...

In spite of everything I've been saying up till this point, Yukika's core desire is "to live".

It's in the wish she made. It's why she chases excitement the way she does. Indeed, Yukika is relatively easily self-sacrificial as a result of the "low self-worth + too kind" combo and she seeks to experience the brink of death for a wholly different reason, but truly, her overall main subconscious drive is to feel alive.

And the most paradoxical thing here is the fact that her longing to experience a brush with death stems from her desire to live, rather than a desire to die; not only thanks to the catecholamines rush, but also because it is through the fact that the chance of death exists for one that their life is so meaningful. (or so goes my personal opinion, in any case)

After all...

Yukika: Wow... Student Council President: What do you think about it? Yukika: Yes... Yukika: I'm so glad to have been born on a planet with a moon! Student Council President: You… you're that moved by it? Yukika: Yes. Yukika: I thought that I wouldn't live to see it again. Student Council President: Okay…?? [...] Yukika: The same old face of the moon as always. The same boring world as always... Yukika: Tonight, they both shine brilliantly to me.

...

Even though her everyday life is tedious, her self-esteem dreadful, her mindset somewhat fatalistic, and something's up with her brain chemicals too...

Deep down in her heart, the thing Yukika Nanase truly wants is to be alive.

And I don't know about you but... man. I find that very moving, you know?

And...

That's all, folks!

This concludes my essay. Basically, my big main point is that Yukika is certainly one of the most characters of all time and should be cherished at all costs.

Thanks for reading this (very long) propaganda analysis post to the end, and I’ll see you next time o7

[im-no-jedi]

alright. it’s finally time. after almost four years, the series that radically changed my life is coming to a close. I’ve seen several other people make posts about this, so I think it’s only fair that I write my own. be warned, this is going to be long, rambly, and only somewhat coherent LOL

when this show was first announced, I was shocked. although I had fallen in love with the Bad Batch during their arc in TCW, I was unsure how an entire show surrounding them could work. I was even more skeptical after I saw the trailers, which had this mysterious child show up. and as I’m sure all of you know by now, my feelings quickly turned around just after the first episode. I immediately was endeared to Omega and looked forward to seeing how the rest of their story played out. by the time the first season had ended, I was already deep in the planning stages of writing out my self-insert series, MLWTBB.

I honestly didn’t expect to love this show as much as I do. but I quickly realized why after the first season ended. (I'm gonna sound like a broken record for some of you, I'm sure LOL)

firstly, the characters. like I said, I loved TBB from the moment we saw them in TCW. and I immediately liked Omega as well. but the way these characters have been portrayed and fleshed out has only endeared them to me more. it became clear to me very quickly that these guys were an eerily similar analogy to my own family. I already saw a lot of myself in Hunter, but the rest of my family are very similar to them as well, even down to certain dynamics between each of them. not only that, but their struggles also mirror my family in that we’ve suffered several losses in our lives too. my mom sobbed like a baby when Kamino was destroyed because she saw similarities between that and a similar loss we’d endured irl. which, for me, is why it hits SO much harder when something bad happens to them. Plan 99 was devastating for many reasons, but for me, because I see so much of my dad in Tech, it felt like I was losing both of them. and having already had struggles with my dad irl… yeah. I feel like these guys ARE my family now, which has been the running theme in MLWTBB. and it's been cathartic both seeing them get through their struggles in the show, as well as portray my own struggles through my writing.

speaking of my writing, this show has inspired me so much creatively, that literally nothing else is comparable. I had already ventured into the realms of digital art previously to watching this show, as well as publicly sharing some of my writing. but not only did my art significantly improve due to all the pieces I was drawing for this show... but my writing skyrocketed. I finished writing a fanfic for the first time since I was FOURTEEN. and I've both written and finished several stories since then. and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. my art and writing will continue to flourish long after this show is over, I'm certain of that 😁

another thing is the real life impact this show has had on me. and honestly, this is the big one.

some of you have been following me for over a year or more now, so you'll probably recall the struggles I've had with my mental health, especially last year. I'd suspected that I had some mental disorder for a while now, but it was only last year that I really began to pursue the idea of getting diagnosed and treated. it of course began in therapy, then moved to having discussions with my parents about it. everyone was very supportive of me, thankfully... except for one person. myself. despite all of the work I'd done to move forward in my life, this was the hurtle I was struggling with the most. the fear of the unknown has always terrified me the most, so this unfamiliar territory was like a nightmare-scape to me.

then "The Crossing" happened.

fandom had headcanoned Tech being autistic for a while previous to this episode, myself included. some even liked to think all of them were neurodivergent in some way, again myself included. so when this episode dropped and we basically got the confirmation that our headcanon was correct? that. that was the push I needed. seeing this character that I love SO much in a show that I love SO much not only confirming his neurodiversity, but embracing it??? I literally told my mom that weekend that I was finally ready to get tested. and the rest is history. I'm now officially a part of the ND gang, and I've never regretted it for one second \o/

not only that... but I'm on meds now. meds that have altered my brain in such a way that I've NEVER felt before. my anxiety and depression no longer have a hold on me, and it's all thanks to this show 💙💙💙

and leading into that, the last thing I wanna mention is the connections I've made through this show. my entire family is (mostly) SW fans, so I've always had them to fangirl and discuss SW shows with. but I've missed having friends outside of the family to connect with. it's been YEARS since I've been involved in a fandom that had such a lovely group of people. and I know what some of you might say. and you're right. of course there's toxicity, just like any other fandom. but I can honestly say, I haven't met such a welcoming and friendly group of individuals as I have with this fandom. I've made some real, true, long-lasting friendships because of this show, and I'll be forever grateful for that. do the meds help? absolutely. but remember, I never would've even been on meds rn if not for this show either!!

and on that note, I just wanna call out some of the lovely people I've met, some whom I've only gotten to know recently! 🥰

@photogirl894 my beloved Morgan, my little sis, the Omega to my Hunter. you've been nothing but a joy and a blessing to me since the day I met you. I truly believe the Lord led you to me so that I could properly start this journey towards recovery and growth. I love you SO much, sweetie, thank you for being you 💙💙💙

@heyclickadee my dear friend, the conductor of the Tech Lives train. I've so appreciated your insight and wisdom in regard to all of the insanity. you genuinely helped get me through my depression after Plan 99, and you've continued to uplift me with your positivity and hopefulness. may we finally get to see our nerd alive and well again in your honor 🙏🏻

@clonethirstingisreal sweet Carol!! fellow Hunter simp!! getting to know you has been nothing short of amazing and wonderful! I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see an older fan amongst the young'ins LOL. we've been able to relate to each other in SO many ways, it still astounds me. I look forward to seeing your journey progress in hopefully similar ways to mine! 🥰

@lightwise @freesia-writes @better-to-bee @probadbatch (spacing this out so y'all get tagged properly)

@jedi-hawkins @anxiouspineapple99 @arctrooper69 @sunshinesdaydream and everyone else I've gotten to know both here and on Discord, THANK YOU!!!! thank you for letting me into your lives and for all the joy and laughs we've had together. I consider you ALL my friends, and I'm blessed to have met you all 💙💙💙💙💙

and finally, because I know she'll berate me if I don't mention her too, my best friend and irl sister @jam-n-ham. gurl, we have been through it, haven't we? you've been the sole witness to my reactions every week, and for that, I apologize LOL. but we have fun, at least, right? 😆 we've spent HOURS talking about this show, and I'm sure we'll have many more hours to come. you've also supported me and my writing, which I'm eternally grateful for (even if you can barely stomach the Hunter romance scenes ROFL). I can't wait to add in your additions to the story, and for you to see what I've been cooking up 😁 thanks for always being my no.1 bestie 🥰🥰🥰

I don't feel like rereading this before posting, so if there's any typos or whatever, oh well. the fact that I even got all of this out tonight is a miracle honestly haha. now if you'll excuse me, I have to start compiling every single box of tissues we own before tomorrow 😝

oh, and one last thing. an addendum if you will. I haven't been posting much of my thoughts about the finale for many reasons, but I'll just say this. ever since "The Return", I've been rotating Hunter's last words to Crosshair in my head, on repeat.

enough said✨

[paintbrushnebula]

That Would Be Beautiful

Foreword: SO! This is a Tangled one shot, its a very small part of this Tangled AU that I've had a lot of ideas and concepts and plot stuff accumulated in my notes app and in my sketchbooks for. I've been calling it "Rapunzel: Year One" for fun (I might just keep calling it that for now), since it's supposed to chronicle Rapunzel's first year out of the Tower, navigating her new responsibilities, her new relationships, and what she wants out of life.

This scene is of Rapunzel trying to learn more about Gothel, what she did when she wasn't at the tower, what her life was like. The idea is that Rapunzel's trying to find some way to prove to herself that Gothel could be humanized, that she wasn't "all that bad" or that there was some sort of explanation for why Gothel treated Rapunzel the way she did.

It's very small, just 1k~ words, it's incomplete and there's more to the scene but I just needed to post something for now bc I think my blog has been a tad revealing about my tendency to abandon personal projects and just leave WIPs and never follow up on them and I just didn't want it to seem like I was doing that again

Ive never written Tangled before omg I dont know if I met my ambitions here pls pls pls give me your thoughts or criticisms they are welcome

~

It felt ironic in a way that really depressed Rapunzel, how four weeks and a haircut ago, she had all the time in the world with nothing to really do. Now, there was so much that could be done, with what sometimes felt like no time at all.

This was one of those times. 

Rapunzel’s eyes spent more time looking at the clock on the castle library wall than at the page of her chemistry book. Now time was spilling away quick, and any moment now, the pleasant click clack of Lady Desdemona’s pompadour heels would reverberate off the library walls, a much appreciated warning to hide away her research before her tutor dragged her away to the next lesson.

Rapunzel knew Lady Desdemona probably wouldn’t think much of the stack of chemistry, engineering and geography books and loose folios sprawled about, all populated with equations and notes, as well as a few quick pencil sketches of imagined, cuddly moments between her and her beloved. Y'know, for emotional support.

At least, Rapunzel was sure the governess wouldn’t become privy on what Rapunzel had actually been at the library researching. 

It was weird to be so concerned about what the governess would think if she caught Rapunzel trying to teach herself how to find out how old a cloak was and where it's been, but Desdemona was so invested in Rapunzel’s business. Always asking her questions about what she was doing, and why she was doing it. Always taking a moment during lessons to ask if Rapunzel needed a break. Asking how she felt about a royal event when one was coming up. If it made her stressed, if she wanted to talk about it. Always analyzing her behavior like she was some doctor assigned to study Rapunzel’s mental health. Reporting every symptom, every weird quirk back to her parents. 

Rapunzel made a mental note to read up on Lady Desdemona, to see if she had any history in dealing with people's mental health (Rapunzel remembered reading that that specific profession had a name...psychiatry?). She guessed her parents were sensible to   hire a governess to tutor her in the ways of princesshood, who could also ensure Rapunzel was emotionally well-adjusted to her new life. 

She knew she should feel grateful. They’ve gone through the trouble of finding a teacher who could help Rapunzel properly find her footing. Sheknew it wasn’t fair to be frustrated.

It wouldn’t have made Rapunzel so uncomfortable if this process hadn’t been so revealing about what her parents truly thought of her: that she was a damaged girl who needed serious help.

Maybe I am. 

After 6 days of meticulous research in between Desdemona’s lessons, Rapunzel was feeling pretty confident in her ability to date the sediment she picked out of Gothel’s cloak. It alleviated the nagging apprehension and doubt that'd built up in her stomach to learn that humanity had discovered a way to find out the age of an object. Humans had the power to uncover the stories behind relics of eras so long ago and tell them to the world. It made her all cozy knowing that nothing could ever really be forgotten, because smart people were just that curious. That's amazing.

Mmph, delicious. Science is like food for the mind.

Well, technically that's fish. Also eggs.

Rapunzel just needed a proportional counter to count the carbon, as well an actual microscope to spot any pollen or exotic soils that might trace to any regions beyond Corona's borders. She was lucky to even manage the delicate process of plucking sediment from the cloak’s wool with her old magnifying glass. A gift for her eleventh birthday, a relic from a phase when she took deep interest in the insects that’d cluster at the banisters that stretched from wall to wall high above the tower’s floor. 

One of the few things she took with her before leaving that life behind.

At this point, there was nothing more Rapunzel needed to know to enact her experiment. But she didn't own the proper equipment to enact it. Rapunzel didn't even think about how she'd access that type of equipment. She hasn't met any scientists or engineers yet. 

Where do scientists live? There's gotta be, like, a big fancy lab where they work somewhere in the city, right? She'd ask someone, but she wasn't ready for any follow up questions they might ask. 

She knew it'd be so much easier to just ask her parents for the equipment, but what if they were curious about her activity? 

Rapunzel was just too paranoid about anyone finding out about the cloak. 

She was on her own. 

Suddenly Rapunzel noticed how her finger was seemingly stuck running itself in a lulling circle over the leathery skin of the chemistry book's cover. Tough, coarse, yet so lulling, like the palms of Eugene's hands. It soothed away all the pollutant thoughts, leaving alone one singular thing she wondered about. 

It'd be so easy to close the book, lock the cloak away under her bed and take a nap on Eugene's chest. At this hour he was probably still sleeping. He wouldn't stir if she snuck into his room and plopped face down on his chest and get lost. Forget the cloak. Forget Desdemona. Forget her lessons. Forget being a princess. It sounds so easy. Easy and right. 

It made her weak just thinking about how easy it would be to have peace. 

But there was so much Rapunzel didn’t know, and she’s just so confused. The thrill mixed with dread at there being answers to where it all went wrong, answers she might never know if she didn’t search for them, was stinting her growth into her new life. It was getting in the way of her progress too much. 

If she could get a date from the dirt in that cloak, maybe trace a few places of origin, she could make a historical record of Gothel's earlier life. Before the tower. Find a trail and follow it back to its roots. What she'd lived through. Where she was from. 

Did she have family? 

To be continued...

[helluva-dump]

for the ship bingo thing: stolas/blitz

oh man the ultimate question of all, I wanted to save this one for last to give my full thoughts on this ship

Warning: I have a VERY unpopular opinion with this ship that you guys may not like to hear. So I suggest scroll and ignore this if your a St*litz shipper. You have been warned.

So once upon a time, I had used to be a fan of this ship at one point… Well I didn’t ship them hardcore, I shipped them as a dumb crack ship at first when they treated them more like a gag. But when the Ozzie’s episode came along, I think you can say this is when I was liking the idea of them together.

Now granted, it’s one of those toxic relationships that intrigue you due to how awful both characters are. (Much like Chucky and Tiffany from child’s play) And I like the idea of two messy people starting out as friends with benefits but slowly come to terms to want to do something serious and to try and their their shit together.

That was until the Circus episode came along…. THE FUCKING CIRCUS EPISODE 🙃🙃🙃🙃

They literally retconned things, did the childhood lovers cliche, and just woobified Stolas as a OwO baby boi who can do no wrong…. That whole episode frustrated me so much… we didn’t even get to see Stella’s pov than being a very bland kke note bitch (btw that is NOT how narcasstics work) and I was hoping he and Stella were equally messy to another like Clay and Bloberta from Moral Orel or Jessie’s parents form Big Mouth.

Dude Paimon wanting to buy Blitzo as a playmate for his son was so gross… that’s like when white aristocratic a buy child slaves as a playmate for their white children. Does Viv not realize how unitionally racist that is???? Since Stolas is white coded and Blitzo is POC coded???? This is why racism allegory never works if you don’t research history books…

But even then, THESE TWO HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON BESIDES FUCKING!

Blitzo always found Stolas interest boring and Stolas literally sees blitzo as just as sex toy and nothing more! And they failed to address what happened with the Ozzie’s episode!

Also, I feel like shipping them both together soley because they’re both messy dads with angsty goth daughters feels kind of shallow…. Hell, I think that will make shit worse for Loona and Octavia. All that’s gonna do is make them fuck constantly while they dump Octavia on Loona. And as much as I don’t like Loona, she doesn’t deserve that.

I still think Loona and Octavia can be sisters WITHOUT hooking their dads up together. Best friends that are sisters by soul are a thing you know. I have close friends I consider my sisters without our parents hooking up.

But my hatred for this ship is mainly due to Octavia and how much of a neglectful asshole Stolas is to her… HE NEGLECTED HER TWICE BECAUSE BLITZO DADDY 🤪🤪🤪

Octavia is my favorite that I personally relate to because her situation REALLY hits close home or me as I have a dad like Stolas… I’m against this ship since I worry about her mental health.

I can go on and on but these are my thoughts about Stolas x Blitzo.

Now I will say, this ship is written so bad I’ve noticed some people that do ship them then complain about how they do NOT like how Viv is writing them in season 2. I can relate with that since I felt that way for Apriltello (tmnt 2012) and Haida x Restuko (Aggrestuko) since I used to be a fan of those ships but the way the writers dragged shit out too long and executed them killed mh joy for them… I don’t think it’s really fair and I think fans deserve more authentic chemistry for their ship.

[dropintomanga]

Communication Is Power

The convention scene this summer has been fun to read about so far. Many popular guests have shown up with the crowds to back them up. With COVID becoming more and more of an afterthought, fans have been rushing out to meet and learn about their favorite guests.

One guest in particular had a quote, in my opinion, that spoke volumes about how to become good at what you want to do.

As you can tell from the artwork, I'm talking about Makoto Yukimura, the highly-praised mangaka of Vinland Saga. He showed up at San Diego Comic-Con 2023 years after the manga had a rough start, sales-wise, back when it was first licensed in the United States. But with how great the anime has been, the manga has found a strong foothold here.

Anime News Network did a extensive report of Yukimura's panel at SDCC 2023 and it was nice to hear his perspective on the story, the anime, and more. The fun part came the Q&A from fans. While there's definitely cringe questions at most Q&A sessions, a few questions do stand out. The ANN report reported one fan question that Yukimura gave a excellent response to - what's the biggest lesson you've learned after all the years of being a mangaka?

Yukimura responded.

“What I learned is that there's no way you can work as a mangaka without communicating with people from outside. For example, our conversation will nurture me into becoming a better creator and will be reflected in my work too.”

I love this answer. People are constantly bouncing off of one another. That's how we get better. Plus, it's hard to get what you want in life if you're not able to express it to others in an effective manner. I think about the many artists who aspire to be mangaka. I know most of them may not be the best at talking to other people in person. It's nice to sit all day and draw like there's no tomorrow without worrying about people bothering you, but constructive feedback is needed to grow once you reach a wall in the artistic journey.

Over the years, there have been reminders for those who want something to speak up - especially those who feel they have been hurt by others or those who really need a helping hand for important manners. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to get it. There's nothing wrong with that.

The beauty of communicating with people from the outside is that it helps improve mental health despite how stressful the act of communicating can be. While there's definitely awful relationships out there, there's more good than bad ones. People underestimate how well conversations go.

Effective communication takes practice. Take it slow and in a safe space. I know Yukimura probably honed it over the years and that's a big reason why Vinland Saga has turned out the way he wanted.

And more importantly, learn from the good and bad of conversations. I've had my fair share of awkward moments of communication and learned how to adjust accordingly. I try to think about the other person's perspective. There's always something that will surprise you when you least expect it when it comes to conversations. I had a conversation with a stranger over the weekend on the train that made me think about how rough it is to be someone who has a physical disability and having people treat them like an afterthought.

We can't all be physically strong as Vikings, but we can be tenacious and resilient as they are when it comes to improving the important relationships of our lives by being communication warriors.

[brawlqueen]

PSA * !

while i don't need or really....like? to make these posts, and i try not to be personal unless my mutuals are people that i am comfortable sharing it, but i've definitely been struggling to write period. writer's block, call it what you will, but it's definitely been causing me anxiety when it shouldn't. so i decided to start replaying uchikoshi games of course, i just finished ai.tsf and am onto a.ini, as much as i have some gripes with it, oh well, we make our own canon - but i wanted by choice, to kinda explain that.

one thing that's really really important to me is mutual communication. that doesn't translate to: 'tell me everything that's going on and every personal detail. ' it just means, i feel that if something is up with me that's affecting my fun on the dashboard, then i wanna just bring it up.

most of my friends here know i've been having a lot of social anxiety. which is kinda weird for me since i'm a fairly confident / extroverted person! but you know what that's okay, but i've been kind of a ghost on my discord. i keep second guessing everything i say to most everyone, and it has nothing to do with a single person, there's nothing wrong i feel about any of my friends. i'm just /anxious/.

i also, am just accepting that due to some personal health issues, nothing major, (ex: insomnia amped up, for mental reasons ) that my adhd is all over the place. most of the time when i get to be home i'm snuggling my bear uh -- i mean, my rescue great pyrenees sasha or just doing 'icon therapy' which is me making batches of screencaps and converting them to icons.

i'm not ignoring anyone, and i just don't know what to really say right now in a lot of conversations. i stumble over my typing and delete little sentences because my anxiety has been so bad. but also for me, with that adhd, sitting in it is infinitely worse, and i'm sorry if this sounds like i'm complaining. i just like being upfront!

so yeah, dm buddies i'm not ignoring you, or purposefully being slow. roleplay partners / friends, new mutuals waiting on meme asks or threads, hell even mizuki's birthday stuff, which is FOREVER btw to this stan, i am not trying to make it seem i'm disinterested or quite frankly i don't drop threads unless you would like me to. i just may not be at the speed you like. and that's okay! we meet each other half way.

but yeah i kinda really have wanted to address this because i can feel mizuki kinda coming back if that makes sense? there's so much to explore with her, but even mutuals i don't even know that i dearly want to interact with, please know you can send random asks or throw people at mizuki any time. i know this isn't a job. i know not to force myself, and trust me, i don't.

but i just...didn't want to leave the wrong impression that may be 'lily's ignoring me / lily dropped our stuff / ' it isn't so much bluntly, for anyone as much as it is me wanting to tell you i just don't operate that way i guess? i wouldn't treat someone like that. everyone has their way of operating on this site and as long as it's not hurtful i think it's fair and valid. i just wanted to explain. for myself, and hopefully clear up if anyone is confused about me.

i appreciate everyone's patience and the talent they bring to the dash, even if i don't know your muse(s), but i do know that i followed you for a reason so please be patient with me as i get through this. i think writing is so relaxing for me, so slowly feeling mizuki come back is a very, very comforting thing. she's my favorite girl ever, the girl ever period for me, and i never aim to make this a job.

so i'm gonna be gentle to myself and these asks and threads you might go 'well that was ages ago' and that's okay. what's important for me is that my intentions are always clear, and hopefully, always seen as they are as best i can: well meaning. that said, since i don't wanna make this a job, please don't do it either okay? - lily.

[the-20something-cat-lady]

The Unexpected Start

I started working at the local hospital as a server because I was in need of a job. The pandemic was already very rough on me, and moving out from my parents’ house didn’t make it any easier. At that point, I was living at a friend’s family home. While they treated me like they would a cousin, the fact of the matter is that I was essentially on my own while taking care of my five beloved pets. I used to work at a McDonald’s nearby, but after one particularly rough night, I quit outright without a proper notice. I was out of a job for about three weeks before starting off at the hospital. I had a bit of a wild streak going on at that time, and my photo badge was proof of it. My hair was a platinum blonde with an undercut, and I was used to wearing chokers to work every day. Working at the hospital was my first time working alongside seasoned adults. What made it intimidating was the fact that I started when the town was at a state of emergency with all the hospitalizations from COVID-19. Working in a healthcare setting was definitely not an expectation of mine. I had always believed I’d stay in college, become a high school teacher, and start teaching by the time my own sister started high school herself. The pandemic changed that plan drastically. I’ve been told I was dealt a bad hand, but maybe it was the start of what I was actually meant to do. And I say maybe because I still don’t know what that ‘something’ is. Even after meeting a pair of kind eyes, I was disillusioned by the course of my own life at that point. Nothing went according to plan, and of all the places I expected to end up in, the local hospital wasn’t it – during a pandemic, no less. I knew nothing about medical residency at the time, so I genuinely figured he was just one of many medical students out and about. I ran into him a fair amount starting off, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he caught me staring every now and again. I couldn’t help but be smitten by that pair of welcoming eyes. Before I knew it, I had a little crush but back then, I figured it’d be a crush and nothing more. And I was fine with that. My mental health and love life were dumpster fires then, so I wasn’t at all preoccupied by it. It wasn’t until the dust had settled that I started focusing more on the resident physician I’d run into and chat with once in a while. And of course, that wouldn't be until after my first year of working in the hospital. By then, that little crush had subsided. I was so caught up with life that I had almost forgotten about it until I decided to give the man my number. It wasn’t like I had anything to lose at that point, so I figured I might as well go for it and see what happens. But I do remember stressing out about it the first couple of days because I had convinced myself I put down my number wrong on his phone. After a bit, I wrote a little note and handed it to him when I finally ran into him during his downtime.

Sometimes I wonder if he ever thinks about those first few days of us talking. I know I’ll catch myself reminiscing from time to time. I had high hopes like I do for every man I’ve been romantically involved with, and high hopes are usually followed by huge letdowns. But I wasn’t worried about that just yet. I didn’t want to think negatively because I wanted things to go the way I would’ve preferred. Looking back though, I know I was always idealistic when it came to love. I say that in the past tense, but that’s still very much the case now as it was back then. I’m always hopeful and optimistic until reality sets in, and all of a sudden, that warm and fuzzy feeling is replaced with sarcasm and doubt. The cynicism one feels after the end of a relationship is damn near unmatched – not in a good way obviously. I don’t want to say that I feel lost without him, but I still feel this sense of melancholy in my chest when I think about the beginning. I’m genuinely not sure if I regret what happened later on down the line or if it’s a general state of sadness. But either way, it’s not a pleasant feeling and especially when you can physically feel it. The sensation is bearable now, but before, it was beyond overwhelming. If it wasn’t for my many pets, I don’t think I would’ve gotten out of bed in the mornings.

[sailorofcosmos]

Rant. Very big rant. I am not @ anyone and mean no offense to any single person or entity. These are my personal feelings/viewpoints. If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing. If you don't like it, don't waste your time reading it.

To everyone who gives me shit over the fact that I shop on Temu:

Not everyone is privileged enough to be able to buy from whom they want to buy.

Would I like to buy from and support my local artisans? Yes! Absolutely! I was one of them once. I know how hard that is, how much time and love and energy goes into their craft. When I have a little more cash than usual, I love to look in artsy fartsy local shops. I frequent the crystal place off main street.

Can I afford a $15 pair of earrings sold at the artisan fair? No. Even when I have the money, no.

I am often at and below the poverty level. I can't afford to feed myself sometimes; I often get malnutrition symptoms due to being unable to buy food that is good for me. I have severe mental health conditions. Severe as in, I could use a service dog. My brain is MESSED UP and does not produce enough of certain hormones, and too much of others.

And sometimes I just want to treat myself. It's okay to want nice things. Pins for my backpack. Stickers for my car. Tiny Lego flower sets. Maybe I finally give in to my scrapbooking hyperfixation. And I can afford to do that every once in a while because of Temu.

And it's not just things I WANT either. My pillow that I bought on Temu has lasted me 2 years. I buy laundry soap, school supplies, a couple of mini things such as a handheld car vacuum and an air purifier. An air purifier at Walmart would've cost me $50 minimum. The one I got on Temu was $12. Why do I need an air purifier? The dorms are humid and a prime environment to mold growth. I had very bad mold sickness my first semester.

People have reported getting scammed by Temu. I always pay through a third party encrypted service, such as PayPal or Afterpay. I've never experienced such scams, but I'm careful. You should be too. Everyone should always be careful, regardless of where they shop. Amazon has been hacked before. There have been card skimmers at Walmart.

People have said it's bad quality. Some things are a miss, but most other things I'm shocked at the high quality for the price I paid. That makeup brush cleaning machine? Nope. My mini car vac? Wow, yes.

People have said they use questionable manufacturing processes. First, there's almost no way we can prove that. Everything I've ever heard about it was hearsay, and how can I tell if you're genuine or if it's xenophobia? Second, how can we prove someplace like Walmart or Amazon aren't using the same processes and charging fivefold? Most things are made in China. It's incredibly hard sometimes to find something that isn't. The difference is that the wholesaler paid that dirt price to China and then turned around and sold it to the retailer for threefold, who then turned around and sold it to us another threefold. Same item, same price, hidden by corporate greed. Would I willingly, with good conscience, buy from a manufacturer proven to use sweatshops and/or employ children? Absolutely effing not. Can I help/prevent it if something I buy uses that process and I don't know about it? Unfortunately, no.

Do you take me for a fool who doesn't understand economics? You'd be wrong. They are targeting Americans and undercutting our market due to individualistic consumerism, inflation, and people like me, unable to afford nice things, existing. They're selling their inventory at a loss in order to establish a customer base. Once they have said customer base, they begin to raise prices. I've already seen this start to happen. Most shirts now cost $6-12 on Temu instead of $4. Amazon did this exact same process when they started out. Look at how Amazon has taken over the American market. I distinctly remember when Toys R Us closed, due to being outsourced by Amazon.

"Oh but you're supporting China taking control of America." First of all, go off. Y'all need to remember that the difference between the CCP and the Chinese people is immense and the Chinese people are greatly suffering under their own government. Second of all, do I look like a politician? Do I seem like someone who has control over foreign policy? Didn't think so. I'm one out of hundreds of thousands or millions of people who use Temu.

"But that's the mentality of everyone and if everyone chose to stop shopping there one by one, they wouldn't have their customer base." First off, this is again a very privileged viewpoint. Second, I have no control over the other Temu customers. Neither do you. They aren't going to stop shopping there just because someone they don't know said so.

Third, it is human to put ones own welfare and survival over others. And for those with mental health issues, this can be very hard. If I spend $10 on Temu liquid pods instead of $30 for a container of Tide, that's $20 I can spend on food, gas, bills, or other necessities. If I decide to spend the $30 on Tide because I MIGHT be hurting someone who is already being hurt/used REGARDLESS of what I chose, I may not eat that day. I maybe can't afford ramen cups. I might not be able to put gas in my car (and as a delivery driver, that means I lose opportunity capital from not being able to work).

I am not financially stable. Maybe if I was, I would be able to purchase things that are knowingly made ethically. Maybe if I was, I wouldn't even want to treat myself very often because I would mentally be in a better headspace. Their is nothing like the stress of not knowing if you're going to be able to eat that week.

I do not need to prove anything to you. I do not have to explain my reasons behind my shopping choices. I do not need to defend myself against your accusations.

But I am tired of being looked down upon. I am tired of being labeled as someone who "doesn't care" because I shop on Temu. Go off! Like you cared before Temu, or SheIn, or AliExpress existed. But we are all victims of the same system. The only difference is that you have privilege and I don't.

That's all. Thank you 🙇🤷

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

So another problem I am having medically that doctors simply ignore is that some of my bone structure is shaped very weird, but because the end result looks somewhat normal or attractive overall they won't take it seriously as a sign that something is up with my chromosomes or genetics?

Like my rib cage is shaped more like B than A in this diagram I have drawn, especially from the side:

A: A normal curved rib-cage, B: clearly belled, especially out the front lower ribs

But my breasts are big enough to come up level with them even in a sport's bra, and mostly disguise it unless you actually cop a feel and realize how far into my chest area my boobs actually go. Like I have 36E breasts and no one will believe it until they feel me up or I hand them my bra because my ribs bell out under my breasts so sharply. I have had women get pissed off at me when I tell them my breast size because I look relatively flat with clothing on [at least compared to what the cleavage amount suggests or my actual cup size] and they just get angry that I 'delusionally' think my boobs are bigger.

The problem is that means I have a rib shape so weird that any support garment or binding that's supposed to go down my ribs is shaped entirely wrong for my body, but also it means I have "genetic condition" level weird bone shapes and my doctors are just ignoring it because I look "attractive enough".

And it isn't just my ribs! I am half a cm off from qualifying as having microcephaly [my mothers head is huge and my dad has a normal head, all my relatives do], I have zero nasal bridge [flat line from top of forehead to tip of nose] and a nose shaped like a child [little button baby nose never impacted by hormones, I am 36]. I have a notably long skinny neck, a really shortened torso and really long legs and arms compared to the rest of my build. My mom called me "spider monkey" growing up because I had such weirdly long limbs and the teachers had to make an exception to the touching the ends of your shorts rule, because my arms reached my knees and they acknowledged that wasn't fair.

But long legs and child -like facial features are considered attractive on a "woman"!

And the chromosome anomalies that are known to cause this only show up in MEN!

So my doctors have always refused to even check my chromosomes!

In addition to this I technically qualify as being intersexed anyway due to hormonal complications, and have many other reasons to believe I am probably a chimera, including details about my mom's pregnancy, but they won't check! Even though it would be super relevant to managing my health!

They take one look at a "woman" who has long limbs and breasts that completely disguise the shape of their ribs, and a baby's nose and a dainty neck who sounds like a child at 36, who looks NOTHING -in body shape or proportion or any of these traits- like either parent or their full blood sister and who has stacking autoimmune conditions and simply REFUSE to check my genetics!

Also my pinkies are shaped like lightning bolts and my arms stick off my elbows at funny angles. My leg bones grew in at different rates cause me to be 'knock kneed' so severely I couldn't walk without bruising until I finished growing, and I keep getting weird rare growths that aren't supposed to happen at all at my age or multiple times unless you have a genetic condition, and they still just "Don't feel it's necessary u.u" to check, like...

And over and over what they cite as their reason is that most of these conditions -usually but definitely not always- come with severe mental impairment, and I seem to be of at least average intelligence, so I can't -possibly- have these mutations, even though the diagnostic manual specifies that not everyone with these abnormalities is impaired at all. Meanwhile they treat me the way people treat obviously autistic adults who sound like children due to underdeveloped facial structures.

And it seems to me that if they are ruling out the need to even look into it by people being "of average intelligence" they are guaranteeing that all known cases will continue to only show up with severe mental impairment.

And then I can't find a bra that goes down my ribs to support big boobs that doesn't dig horribly into my ribcage, and I can't bind to look actually flat or hide the wiggle without the same issue. And everyone gets some combination of angry or surprised when they see me with my shirt off, and tells me it isn't normal.

[builder-4-hire-new-home-packages]

https://www.empcontracting.ca & Erik M. Parti here I am working away trying to be nice on the internet and I have to be proud, although I am not perfect but today I am proud to know God, the most high God! He teaches me that number one he is way feakin better then me or the rest of you mankind so take a break this Christmas and thank God for your life by  maybe giving fair rent to someone who doesn't make that much money! Don't rip off peoples wages like in shit whole countries, and if you are in a shit whole!  Daaahhhhh ohh and Merry Christmas to all every where especially crap wholes with chaos and confusion - may you meet God from him manifesting love in your heart honesty and get rid of these God's that don't have any value like being able to make time and space and give free will to man! LIKE FREE WILL - CAN YOU IMAGINE SO MANY OF YOU CAN'T EVEN GIVE FAIR RENT OR WAGES LET ALONE FREE WILL LOL MERRY CHRISTMAS! NO BOMBS BOMBS ARE NOT ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY AND certainly NOT SUSTAINABLE INTELLIGENT - DON'T USE BOMBS IF YOU HAVE A PRIMITIVE LEADER THAT HAS A NASAL CONGESTION SO BAD HIS BRAIN IS SHRUNK TO THE SIZE OF A BASEBALL AND IS REALLY JUST HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO MOLD !  HE IN HIS RIGHT STATE  CERTAINLY DOESN'T WANT TO DESTROY GOOD LIVING BY RUINING THE ENVIRONMENT WE LIVE IN SO WHEN HE ACTS CRAZY AND SAYS, "LETS BLOW UP ISRAEL" OR "KILL HOMAS" REMEMBER HE IS STUPID BECAUSE OF HIS MENTAL HEALTH CONDITION AND SHOULD BE GIVEN SOME GOOD TEA AND A NICE DAY OR TWO OFF WORK AND STRESS AND MAYBE CHECK TO SEE IF THE PALACE SHOULD MAYBE GET RIPPED DOWN AND REPURPOSED AND TREATED WITH CHLORINE TO AVOID MOLD POISING! That is why I build homes using the Canadian Building Code because mold and little poisons that we think is nothing but a little dirt on the wall can actually cause wars and I truly believe is and are the reason for a lot of wars! Believe it or not mold poising is a from the toxic nature of mold eating, but it is really disintegrating material that it is embedded in thus the material has a chemical reaction and depending on the calculation of the chemical change and what specific molecule comes from the mold depends on how dangerous your living environment is!  So the next time you have war, or there is gun fire maybe slow down that think really why that is occurring! Maybe some idiot just got listened to who is having a mental health break down who is being poisoned by ultra toxic poisoning and no one knows he isn't really a monster he is just high on poison! Where we find behavioral problems we always can find a significant poisonous contaminant in the living environment! So fighters stop and remember God over some guy who can't shut up in a crowd and thinks he must live out every stupid thing he must say in a crowd - and look, maybe the loose mouthed idiot just needs some rest and have the Blue tooth turned off or the wifi signal close to his home removed!  Think about it! Cell phone is microwave radiation - and that is a poison to us we cook food in in Canada and the USA and any where else stupid enough to ruin the molecular quality of food!  Imagine what cell phones are doing to people in the dry desert!  Because of this scientific understanding I believe that people could actually be having a mental health break down in group numbers and not even know they aren't irritated at all at their neighbors they just need healthy good environment and living situations including good moist diet and fluids to replenish the bodies humidity level so that people can go to bed and sleep and all the heavy metals breathed in through out the day can flush - thus why we have people who don't sleep are often just dehydrated stress or not, mix that with wifi cell radiation in the home or church or synagogue and you find a lot of reasons why people can't act like primitive animals! Something is wrong, help them don't blow their heads off give them something to eat! Look at the thermos breaks in the home! Is there enough ventilation or to much moisture build up and a weird yellow film or dirt that seems to be sucked into the skin of paint or concrete of the walls? Many crazy people over the past of history who didn't do much for anyone or anything but get a whole bunch of people who couldn't just have the balls to say "Shut up" and "No" we aren't going to leave our family and endanger our self's to go take another from him and both get killed at a young age like a bunch of stupid f words!  I am serious this is no joke!  From sky scrapers to empty over priced office buildings in starving down town centers I see this all the time with a wholes!  We have people sick and they are having problems with ego and anger and they feel like shit and cause problems and that is why! Right here listed here in!  I encourage you! Instead of having another stupid cave man primitive war next time learn to say "shut up" "your sick int he head"  or "that palace is to big and full of mold and you are crazy" to the next psychopathic idea from some idiot to go massacre a bunch of kids or invade a country!  Just stupid! Any ways and even just when you or the wife and kids are fighting think of this lesson here in! Maybe you will be able to rekindle the relationship with that crazy old mother and law yet when you find out what really the problem is other then your cooking!  The Canadian Building Code is designed to take as much poison out of the home as possible while not including things like radon, mold or asbestos and have other problems from chemical changes coming over time from material break down such that comes from oxygenating metals or changing electrodes in steal when we have galvanization or pressure treated wood sitting against polyurethane that is bad to have in Iraq or United Arab Eremites because the temperature of those climatic areas is so high the polyurethane becomes a toxic waste and gives off poisonous gases that cause all kind of health problems but until you learn from a master like me, Master Erik Parti you won't know because this information just doesn't jump out and say "Your the boss now stupid you know everything" no it hides and you get sick or worse kids in the building construction atmosphere are effected or some idiot talking to someone with a gun that is to uninformed to know that that person could be in a significant health situation causing him to be considerable stupid and mentally unwell or have breathing and other issues!  for quality home packages call https://www.empcontracting.ca 

[nyotaliafan-pinkmermaid]

Two hearts united as one (Last part)

Fandom : Hetalia

Characters/pairings : Aurelian x fem!Probus (HWS Roman Emperors , even though in this story are just named after them). Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, North Italy , South Italy , Seborga, Genoa , nyo!Cyprus and nyo!Greece make guest appearances (Ancient Rome and Ancient Greece aren't married though nor they are related to eachother and the antagonist is actually an unnamed human OC).

Genres : Romance , Emotional, Modern AU

Rating: K+

Warnings : mentions of abuse(even though I won't make it too edgy) , nudity (nothing is explicit and nothing sexual happens between the main couple), parental loss , plus the bathing scene may make some people burst into tears so it will be better to have some tissues with you.

Word count: 6708

(Note : in case you don't like it , don't make any hateful or bashing comments or even message me, expressing hate. Instead feel free to get out).

The wealthy man was still angry with his defeat the previous day and started cursing,  something which horrified even the rest of the stuff that worked on the mansion:

"That's not fair. If that brat didn't intervene , I would have won the duel against that peasant and I would even kill him".

As he was trying to find a way to get his revenge on the couple, two guards invaded the mansion and arrested him. He was so frustrated, but later he thought that his money may helped him to be proved innocent.

The courtroom was full of people and everyone was waiting for the trial to begin. Some of them even whispered:

"What crime did the condemned person commit"?

"I heard that he abused and hurt a woman both physically and mentally".

"If it is true , then I hope that the judge won't make the grave mistake by proving him innocent".

The guards brought the man front of the judge and the trial was about to start.

During the whole process of the trial , Aurelian was holding Probus' hand and stood next to her. Both of them were worried but they tried their best to comfort eachother.

The judge looked at the accused with a strict expression on his face, something that made the rich man scared.

"You are accused for exploiting everyone who worked for you and using all of them as tools. You also abused a woman both physically and mentally. And your worst crime is that you tried to force her to marry you and become pregnant with boys, even if it would cost her health in the end.From all of your victims , this young lady had the worst treatment".

Hearing this , the evil man started yelling and acting like someone whose vocabulary lacked the words ,manners and kindness.

"These are all huge lies. I am completely innocent. That witch over there , made up all these stories about my supposed cruelty and she may have brainwashed other people in order to believe her. I don't want to be punished. Just get my money and prove my innocence, right now".

The young lady stood bravely and started speaking :

"I am not a witch nor I brainwashed other people so they would believe me. This man took me to work in his mansion three years ago , but he always treated me badly and punished me even for the smallest mistakes. I have scars on my back, because of that monster".

For a brief moment, everyone in the court room remained silent. At the same time, they all had shocked expression on their faces.

Very soon , Aurelian defended Probus , not because he wanted to make impressions. He only did it because, he knew that it was his duty instead of running away like a coward.

"Everything she tells is true. She doesn't deserve to be punished for crimes, that she never commited".

Lots of people felt sympathy for the woman and disapproved the man's actions.

"This woman is so strong. I admired the wrong person without knowing how wicked he actually was".

"I only hope that the judge won't mess up and proclaim the man innocent"

Now, the whole audience was waiting for the judge's decision. Would the accused be proclaimed guilty or innocent?

The judge listened both sides and soon proclaimed the man guilty not only for abuse and gaining money illegally , but also for false accusations against someone that was completely innocent.

The fate of the rich man was now sealed and there was nothing that could save him. Not even all of his money. His punishment was already decided. He would spent the rest of his life in a jail and guards would watch all of his moves 24/7, so he wouldn't escape.

He was forced in hard labour, while getting a taste of his own medicine by being treated by the guards the same way he treated the young woman. From now on, the world that he created for himself would only exist in his mind, knowing that he would never have it again in reality.

As for his property, it would be confiscated and they money would be given to those in need.

As soon as the loving couple left the courtroom after their triumph, a suprise would wait for them.

In the entrance of the small house, Romulus and Danae were waiting for them. In fact they weren't alone. Romulus brought his sons Lovino , Feliciano, Pancrazio and Marcello with him , and Danae brought her daughters Antigone and Nausicaä.

The older man and the older woman congratulated the couple for their triumph and were impressed on how they cared about eachother.

Now, it was Probus' turn to introduce Aurelian to her tutor.

"Mrs Danae , I would like to introduce you to Aurelian. We fell in love and he treats me very well".

These words made the older woman happy. She was so proud, that her student found love in the face of a man who was kind with her and most importantly, didn't saw her as a soulless puppet. Her two daughters found the young man very likeable as well.

It started getting dark and two families went to their homes. Although they didn't forget to wish the best for the sweet couple.

The next day , Probus went to look for a job, since she didn't want to just sit all day without doing anything. When she finally it , she went home and told Aurelian the good news. He was so proud that his beloved would now do something that she truly loved and get a good reward.

From that day and on , she worked as a book author and unlike her former boss , her new manager was impressed on her hard and honest work. She was much nicer with her and payed her very well, something that motivated her to work harder.

Her books became so successful , that more people started to read them and appreciate them better.

[One year later]

Probus walked all the way towards the botanic garden. Her boyfriend, Aurelian, told her that it was something very important, and she immediately got there as fast as she could.

She saw him blushing and knew that he had something beautiful for her.

Aurelian got on one knee and pulled out a small box with a ring inside it , while he told her this :

" Probus , my sweetheart! All my life I was looking for my other half and it was  something that almost seemed impossible. Until the day I met you. You are the first woman that cared about me instead of exploiting me. You accepted all the love , I gave you without asking something in return. So, will you marry me"?

This speech filled her eyes with tears of happiness.

" Aurelian, my delight! It is thanks to your support that I could set myself free from an abusive environment and you also encouraged me to be more open and even make more friends. You also gave me the  kindness and respect, I truly wanted and deserved. I want to stay by your side , not as a superior nor as an inferior. But as an equal. So yes , I will marry you".

By the time the lady finished speaking, Aurelian stood up and gave Probus the ring.

"I love you , Probus"

"I love you too, Aurelian"

After all this, the loving couple kissed on the lips while both of them had a feeling so beautiful and unreal that words weren't enough to describe it.

From that day and on, the two hearts were finally united as one. Their relationship was genuinely a healthy one and none of the partners cheated on eachother, not even as a joke. No matter how many struggles they faced, they fought side by side to get over them. They stayed by eachother's side forever , knowing that it wasn't money that brought people happiness. It was pure love itself.

The end.