#The trauma shame forgiveness acceptance and LOVE

[thepeacefulgarden]

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

I may go into more detail about “Sinsmas” later, but I did want to talk about what I considered to be the one scene/sequence that I thought was very well done and that I truly enjoyed—Octavia’s song, “I Will Be Okay”.

(Song/Character Discussion below)

Octavia’s song is almost everything I could have asked for. A somber echo of Stolas’ song from season 1, Octavia’s I Will Be Okay, finally, finally, gives Octavia a voice and the chance to express her grief over her father’s abandonment.

For the first time in the series, there’s no one to tell Octavia that she should give her dad some slack or that she should forgive him. She’s finally allowed to be upset, to fully mourn her relationship with Stolas and to get mad about what happened. She’s finally allowed to start working towards accepting the ways Stolas’ neglected her, and begin healing from that pain and trauma.

Octavia’s experience is both terribly heart-wrenching and, in the most painful way, freeing. The lyrics reflect that perfectly, with Octavia acknowledging that while she’s not okay now because of everything Stolas put her through, she WILL be okay, and will grow into her own person without him.

The song is a direct response to Stolas’. Octavia is answering him, saying “Yes, I will be okay. Not because of anything that you were supposed to or failed to provide me as a father, but because I will forge my own path, and in doing so will heal from the pain you caused me.”

It’s a bittersweet song about finding the strength to cut contact with someone you loved who has repeatedly failed you in the worst ways, and who isn’t going to change.

I do have one “criticism” for this song and sequence, not because anything from it was poorly done, but because, in my opinion, the song’s visuals could have been even better.

The following scene was in the original storyboards for “I Will Be Okay”, and was changed in the final episode:

I think the decision to change the visuals for these lyrics in the song was a mistake. Please don’t get me wrong, the animation in this entire episode was fantastic, my critiques of Helluva Boss are almost never about the animation.

But the above sequence just has so much more emotional weight to me. It’s the visualization of Octavia realizing she can’t rely on Stolas, that she has to look to herself for comfort.

Octavia taking her younger self from her neglectful father’s arms, symbolizing that she’s accepted that Stolas cannot be depended on and that she’ll have to take care of herself now, is such a powerful image.

It really is a shame to me that they cut this scene, because I think it fully encapsulates everything Octavia has been through in such a simple and effective way. I think the scene really loses something by cutting this visual.

With all of that said though, Octavia’s song, and the scene where she FINALLY calls Stolas out for his behavior were very cathartic for me. I know that the scene’s intent was most likely to make us empathize with Stolas for losing his daughter, but I found myself empathizing only with Octavia, and hoping that she gets the time she needs to heal.

I would love it if the show actually let her decide whether or not she wants Stolas back in her life, but given the way HB’s writers portray women, I worry that it’s likely some big event will happen that “reveals” Stella to be awful, and Octavia will forgive Stolas just like that, and will probably end up apologizing to him instead (like in “Seeing Stars”)

Anyway, just like Octavia being the only good thing in Stolas’ life, “I Will Be Okay” was, in my opinion, the only good thing in “Sinsmas”. (well that and Octavia calling Stolas out)

[teaboot]

Forgive me if you’ve already answered something similar but how do you deal with crushing guilt when you did fuck up but there’s not really anything you can do to like make amends or you’ve already done anything you could and still feel guilty?

Like I know the guilt isn’t productive at all, if anything it’s just paralyzing me, and mentally beating myself up over it isn’t actually helping anyone. But I don’t know where to go from there. Idk how to actually forgive myself, or at least be able to move on

CW FOR SELF HARM

Okay, so this is something I've had to work through for a very long time myself, and there's a few different strategies that I've used to cope and process with varying levels of success.

What I used to do was handle the "I've ruined everything and hurt people and am never going to be forgiven" feeling by hurting myself in a number of creative and stupid ways, from physical hurt (Everything you'd expect) to mental hurt (wallowing, speaking badly of myself, going over the bad thing over and over again in my head) to passive hurt (neglecting my health, not eating properly, failing to pursue good living conditions, letting others hurt me, deliberately wandering into risky situations) and despite any short-term relief or peace I got, none of it ultimately fixed anything.

At the end of the day, making myself suffer as retribution or apology didn't fix the thing I'd done and didn't make the guilt go away, and all it gave me was an additional sense of shame and isolation because now not only was I a garbage person, I was a garbage person with something to hide from my loved ones. Zero out of ten, do not recommend.

The stuff that DID help was harder and is going to sound stupid because *I thought it was stupid* until it worked for me.

First: Learn the difference between GUILT and SHAME.

GUILT is how you feel about your choices.

SHAME is how you feel about yourself.

"I was late to a date again, that was inconsiderate": GUILT. The issue can be resolved by analyzing the reason behind the action and planning steps to avoid repeating it in the future. Guilt is productive because it motivates us to improve our choices. Once you've corrected the behaviour, it's over.

A"I was late to a date again, I'm inconsiderate": SHAME. The issue can be resolved by asking ourselves:

What negative thing to I believe about myself?

What other experiences support this belief? What evidence do I have that the bad thing is true?

Do those previous experiences have anything in common? Where they actually proof of a personal lack, or did someone just tell me they were? Were my choices and actions understandable? Did I have a reason? Was I trying to hurt others, or was it a mistake, accident, or learning experience? Have I grown from that experience?

Can I forgive myself for the past? What do I need to do to forgive myself for those past events? Was I really at fault at all, or was it out of my control?

Accept that.

Your present traumas and shames often have roots in beliefs you had about yourself before the new shameful thing occurred. When you dig into resolving the issues that led to today, you can use those conclusions to work through tomorrow. This is something I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy.

There are a number of ways of unpacking these questions, but as I felt I was deliberately avoiding my thoughts and feelings, I chose to jump into them directly, and found it to be effective.

You can write things down, talk to someone, paint something, draw something, whatever. Whatever at all works for you.

My solutions was to find a comfortable place on the floor, sit down, close my eyes, and do box-breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4) while deliberately thinking about every upsetting memory attached to a specific bad belief that I could recall until I had nothing left to go over.

Judge and jury. Was I a bad person, or did I make a mistake? Did I have malicious intentions, or did someone accuse me of malicious intentions? Am I bad, or have I been conditioned to believe I'm bad? And at the end of it all, am I capable of better? Do I want to be better? And would a truly bad person care?

It was more emotional than I expected the first few times. Cried a lot, actually. But if I can liken it to a common feeling, it was like getting out of a very thorough shower and realizing you didn't know how dirty you were before.

The process sucks ass, no lie, but it's worth it. Like draining pus from a gnarly wound to get it healed up properly.

I'm not an expert, of course, but life has gotten better since I started. I'm better at forgiving myself, at least.

Also: Some people will never forgive others even for tiny things. Sometimes once you've done your best, you've just gotta say "fuck 'em". C'est la vie, mon amie.

Good luck, yeah?

♡

[vanilladove]

Hello, I am writing to you anonymously out of shame but you can call me Emy I was reading your blog and I was totally delighted with how you wrote and I wanted to make a request: could you write for Chuuya, Jouno, Dazai and Poe (you can add more if you like) with a reader like Mikan from danganronpa If you don't know her, her personality is a little (very) shy and she is surprised by the slightest show of affection (she is even surprised if you say good morning), often despising herself, asking others to forgive her existence and when people Annoyed with her, she tends to ask if she can take off her clothes or imitate a pig so that they can forgive her for all this because she suffered harassment in the past. I'm sorry if the request is very big 😭 but I would be grateful if you accept it (nothing happens if you don't either) I'm sorry if there are spelling errors but English is not my first language and I am using Google Translator. ♡

⋆˚࿔ ˚⋆ bsd men with a v shy + fragile reader

bow divider yeribbon

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: various bsd men x gn!reader (dazai, atsushi, chuuya, akutagawa, jouno, poe)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: comforting fluff!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: none! also i'm not v familiar with daganronpa, so apologies for any inaccuracies! i'm just going off what wiki fandom says (。-∀-)

⊹ ࣪ ˖ dazai osamu

doesn't mind your personality, although at first he teases you mercilessly until he realizes it isn't just an act.

as someone that has also gone through trauma, he would gradually soften up to your personality and reassure you of your worth.

dazai is a very impatient man though, so expect his method of choice to be exposure therapy...like extreme exposure therapy...like bro might slap some sense into you like atsushi & akutagawa ( ó × ò)

when you start over-apologizing, he'll put a finger to your lips and stroke your face and hair to calm you down (ღˇᴗˇ)｡o

expect lots of subtle displays of affection like hand kisses, kissing away tears, and general affectionate flirting.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ atsushi nakajima

your demeanor confuses atsushi at first, to the point where he cries after the first time he meets you :,(

you're going to get a sentimental, heartfelt speech about how you deserve to live, and how you aren't a burden to anyone.

poor atsu cries over you--you guys probably have daily cry + cuddle sessions.

will do random things to cheer you up and give you many words of affirmation.

buys you a tiger plushie sprayed with his cologne to cuddle with when he isn't with you for comfort ♡

i'd like to think that through helping you, atsushi also helps address his own self-esteem issues ^w^

⊹ ࣪ ˖ akutagawa ryunosuke

hates you at first and sees you as a cowardly weakling.

it isn't until one day he randomly compliments or helps you and catches your shy/flustered expression that he begins to feel some sympathy.

will gradually visit you more until you stop flinching whenever he approaches you. he can tell you're intimidated by him because of his personality and notorious reputation.

it's definitely hard for akutagawa to be soft with you, since he's a rough person, but he tries his best to be gentle with you.

shows his care through actions more than words (sharing food with you, doing constant check-ins, guiding your back when walking with you, etc.)

promises threatens to kill those who have harmed and harassed you in the past.

becomes overprotective over you, getting mad when anyone--even jokingly--teases you.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ chuuya nakahara

tough love~!!!

expect a lot of "huh, what the hell are you talking about?" anytime you apologize for something small or suggest some self-sabotage

since you aren't used to affection and often try to reject gifts, thinking you aren't worth giving them to, chuuya will 'lovebomb' you with gifts until you get used to them as the norm and accept them willingly.

although he may seem short-tempered and easily irritated, he'll always make time to sit down with you and listen to your rants/past stories and engage in deep conversations.

holds your hands and reminds you of how strong and talented you are--will keep drilling it into your head until it sticks.

carries tissues in his suit for when you cry.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ edgar allen poe

this man may be your twin...honestly he's a bit of a mess himself, so he doesn't know how to help you.

i think poe would be relieved to find someone similar to him--also very shy and awkward/bad at socializing.

if you started apologizing when there was a pause in conversation, he would probably apologize back, and you two would go back and forth until karl bites him (꒪▿꒪)

since you both mainly only find confidence in your talents/skills, he would get to know your strengths as much as possible and encourage you to do your best!

will also share his book plots with you, taking you with him into the books and getting your feedback, never missing the chance to show you something beautiful he secretly wrote just for you

overall, poe would make you feel less alone and isolated, helping you gain confidence overtime!

⊹ ࣪ ˖ jouno saigiku

since you're already so fragile and frantic, jouno wouldn't find any pleasure in torturing or messing with you

ends up helping you under the pretense of "calming down your raging heartbeat and nerves that are too loud"; in reality, he notices how you're always on edge and just wants you to experience some peace and quiet.

jouno's sensitive to others' emotions, so i think if you were having a panic attack or extreme anxiety, he'd immediately hug + hold you until you calmed down again (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

like the rest, he'd offer you words of affirmation and hold your hand in public/around other people.

will stick around you to ward off anyone who tries to bully you or exploit your personality; blushes uncontrollably if you thank him for his simple acts ♡

[cursedonyx]

Sebastian and Ominis Headcanons

Sebastian

✧ Adores chocolate to the point it’s almost comical. His absolute favourite is Honeydukes Best Chocolate (which in my mind tastes like a Hotel Chocolat’s milk chocolate with just a hint of caramel and vanilla), but he’s happy with any chocolate except really dark chocolate. Anything above 80% and he’ll turn his nose up at it. Left to his own devices with free reign at night in Honeydukes, you’d find him in the morning in a sugar coma with his tummy almost bursting his shirt buttons, his face covered in chocolate stains and looking about as happy as it’s possible to look.

✧ He’s got rotten hay fever and may occasionally make use of the bubblehead charm when the pollen count’s high. He doesn’t care if people laugh and is happy to explain why – this led to a lot of students capable of using the charm imitating him if they have hay fever.

✧ Loves cats but adores dogs, particularly if they’re big and dopey, like Labradors or Great Danes. He’s not particularly fond of small, yappy dogs like Jack Russells, which is the complete opposite of his twin.

✧ He’s got an immune system like a tank and will shake off most colds and tummy bugs with relative ease, but when he gets poorly, he gets really poorly. Even so, he’ll try and pretend that nothing’s wrong, even when he’s white as a sheet and sweating, barely able to stand. Ominis has had to knock him out and levitate him to the Hospital Wing on more than one occasion to get him to accept help.

✧ On that note, he absolutely refuses any kind of help unless it’s on behalf of someone else. He’s happy to accept help when he’s searching for a cure for Anne, but if he’s struggling with an essay, confused about his feelings for someone, or just needs to process something, he won’t ask for help, and tries to play it off as him just having an off day.

✧ Sebastian thinks fart jokes are hilarious. The whoopee cushion was invented in the 1930s, and Sebastian was a menace with the damn thing. Think Leslie Neilsen bringing a fart machine to interviews.

✧ Sebastian is a proper summer baby and loves being outside in the sunshine. He loves the excuse to splash about in streams or go swimming, and has tried to teach Ominis how to swim. Sadly, Ominis isn’t keen on the idea as he can’t tell where anything is in the water.

✧ Sebastian’s temper is like a firecracker; quick to spark, quick to explode, and just as quick to go out. He doesn’t forgive easily, especially if the person who’s annoyed him has deliberately tried to hurt him or someone he loves, but he doesn’t tend to hold grudges. Unless it's serious, if he can’t get revenge in a week or two, he tends to move on from the idea though that doesn’t mean he won’t hate the person for a time.

✧ Sebastian’s opinions of people always start out neutral, and they can be swayed positively or negatively through a variety of factors. Lots of little positive things can be overshadowed by one huge negative, but it takes a lot more effort to change his negative opinion to a positive one.

✧ He eats anything and everything. He’s got a big appetite and tends to consume food at a rate that would shame a graphorn. If he didn’t have so much nervous energy, he’d probably end up a little porky.

✧ His boggart would be Anne’s corpse. If Anne is cured, or he has to spend any time in Azkaban, this changes to a dementor.

✧ His animagus form and patronus would be a fox without a doubt – his colouring would be browner than most foxes and mottled with darker ‘freckles’ all down his back and tail. His favourite part about being an animagus is having a tail.

Ominis

✧ Doesn’t like sweets, and particularly loathes chocolate, much to Sebastian’s horror. This is due to his upbringing and a particular trauma around his parents trying to cure his blindness then forcing him to eat chocolate as a ‘reward,’ no matter how much he didn’t want to, and he was shouted at until he ate it. Consuming something chocolatey will bring back those memories, so he avoids it where possible.

✧ He absolutely adores tiny summer strawberries though, and he will actively seek them out. They’re very hard for him to find by himself and he usually gets a bit down if he can’t find any, so if you go foraging and present him with a punnet, there’s a pretty strong chance he’ll fall in love with you.

✧ Has no allergies, but gets poorly relatively easily. If there’s a cold going about Hogwarts, you can bet that Ominis will catch it if he’s not patient zero. He’s like an illness magnet in that way. Similarly to Sebastian, he won’t complain about it unless he’s in a romantic relationship, then all he’ll do is whine because he knows his partner will make a big fuss of him and look after him the way his family never did. He’s a sucker for being pampered.

✧ Ominis has a bit of a sensitive tummy, and he tends to stick to foods he knows are safe. He’s happy to try new foods, but he prefers to try them in very small amounts to minimise the risk of upsetting his stomach.

✧ Ominis gets hilariously embarrassed around toilet humour, and for the most part pretends that people don’t go to the bathroom. If it comes up in conversation, he either won’t engage and pretend it’s not happening, or he’ll change the subject at the first opportunity.

✧ He’s a cat magnet, and even the most aloof or grumpy cats will be happy to curl up in his lap. They love finding Ominis during one of his naps, and unless he’s in his dorm or the Undercroft, he’ll wake up in a puddle of cats. He finds them very comforting.

✧ He adores snakes and longs to have one as a pet, but after an incident when he was seven involving a snake he made friends with that he called Daisy, and his brother Marvolo, he’s absolutely terrified of making friends with another one, just in case Marvolo does what he did again (Considering doing a very angsty and painful short fic of this idea, but it’s pretty unpleasant so I’m in two minds).

✧ Hates being cold, but suffers terribly in the heat. UK summers are horribly humid, and he can’t stand it. A dryer summer heat like the South of France is the only kind he can tolerate, and he’s grateful the Slytherin common room is in the dungeons, so at least he can still sleep in the summer. Otherwise, he will complain constantly about how hot it is.

✧ Ominis is a filthy gossip. Any kind of rumour and he’ll hear about it and spread it with relish, especially if it’s about someone that’s wronged him in the past. Even without this, he loves to gossip about absolutely anything, and those that know will often seek him out to ask if rumours are true. He wields this small power with satisfaction, especially as it means he’s able to field any rumours about his friends and turn attention to other things going about the castle.

✧ Ominis has a long memory and a fertile imagination. Though his patience for shenanigans is short, it’s unending when it comes to plotting revenge. If you wrong the Prince of Snakes, you better be on your guard for the rest of your life. He will not forget, and the punishment will always fit the crime. Unless of course he hates the person in question or is protecting his loved ones, then you can expect Ominis to go scorched earth in order to get revenge.

✧ Ominis’ boggart doesn’t have a physical form, but it takes on the sound of hissing snakes. To the casual observer, they’d think he was frightened of snakes, and Ominis is perfectly happy to let people think that. In actuality, it’s his family speaking to him in Parseltongue, reminding him of his worst experiences of home and threatening to take him away from his friends, forcing him to live with them and bow to their ways.

✧ Ominis has a healthy dose of fear of his parents, but he’s absolutely terrified of Marvolo. Marvolo bullied him relentlessly when they were young, and once Noctua went missing, it only got worse, and their parents never discouraged it, claiming it would help Ominis build character. Marvolo is the person Ominis nightmares about the most.

✧ Ominis’ patronus and animagus form is a serpent, but contrary to typical animagi/patronuses, which tend to mimic each other, Ominis’ patronus is an enormous snake, similar to an anaconda, while his animagus form is more similar to a ball python, pale gold in colour with darker scales that mimic his beauty marks.

Masterlist

[evanhereonearth]

They have both known the terror of disappearing in plain sight.

With every eye on them, with upturned faces watching them in hope, pleading with them for deliverance. With the ferocity of enemies turned upon them, with everyone certain they know exactly who stands at the forefront of the revolution, the movement, the breaking wave of history—they have both been caught by the riptide and dragged under where there souls can no longer breathe.

“You came here to help, Solas. I won’t let them use that against you.”

“And how would you stop them?”

“However I had to.”

The simple first moments of seeing and being seen. A spirit long since wrenched from the Fade and given physical form he didn’t seek, waking in a world where no one sees him as a person. A prisoner turned religious icon looks him in the eye and says she agrees that spirits are people. And he recognises the spirit in her for as rare and marvellous as any he’s seen.

Quiet curiosity. Trust. Patience. Love.

The brutality of trauma. The bonds of desperation. The self-rejection of long-festering shame. Sowing seeds in the hopes that they will not die, that something of the truest self will remain no matter the tales the world tells of either of them. Murderer. Traitor. Heretic. Hero. Harellan.

This is the journey. The paths had to diverge, had to give time to those seeds to sprout and bear fruit.

But love. Oh, love, building back self under the weight of the world. Stretching out roots that allow a spirit to grow.

Acceptance. Grace.

He is still Wisdom. He knows the burden of a wound that turns septic; he remembers the regret of his own naïveté and will not take advantage of hers no matter how healing her heartbeat against his.

And she learns.

She learns as he walks away twice. As she feels him in the Fade, returning, always returning. To her. To her heart, where he hides his truest self.

“Tell me you don’t love me!”

“I cannot do that, vhenan.”

She learns the weight of his regrets and the wisdom of his reasons. She seeks out the din’an shiral not to blindly follow but to walk beside; she gives him the space he needs.

She knows the paths cannot help but converge.

She finds those seeds sprouting in her heart, the truest knowledge of seeing and being seen—that he trusted her with himself because he knew the world would wound him from Wisdom into Pride anew, and he needed the shelter of her heart of Grace. So someone would remember Solas instead of Fen’Harel.

When she finds her understanding, she tends to the vines that grow between their hearts. She does not sever them. She has planted seeds of her own in his; her faithfulness and her compassion, her ferocity in believing he is worthy of being saved.

She knows his deepest fear, and she watches him face it on that fateful day when their paths converge once more, watches him walk towards an endless future of being alone until his death. The finality of forever.

Her power, her Wisdom, her strength to take up her path by his side.

“I will go to seek atonement.”

“But you do not have to go alone.”

So much love in simple words. So much truth beneath their surface.

You are worthy of healing, she says.

You are worthy of forgiveness, she says.

You are worthy of grace, she says.

And we have waited long enough.

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Jang Wonyoung Perspective Reading

Disclaimer: No facts, just interpretation of the cards and messages I get.

I still wanted to get through my favorite male Kpop idols before I dive into any girl group members, but she was on my radar and she is known as a controversial Kpop figure, be it good or bad, she is talked about and sought after, so thought I get to her. So, of course the song Barbie Girl by Aqua came up for me. On the surface she can be depicted as such. In Korea she is the standard of what people would like to look like whether you agree or not. I do feel there could be more to her story. I hope it isn't as creepy as I think it may be, but we'll see, now to the cards.

Okay, well, this may go the route I was expecting. There is a lot of shame and guilt she feels. She got both the cards of gilded regret and down cast pride. This could be due to hate comments she gets. She may also get comments by people around her that make her feel like shit. Now with the is this me card, she doesn't particularly know who she is. Has she got plastic surgery? It is like she has no sense of self and maybe looks at herself and doesn't know who she is. She is molded to how they wanted her to be. Man, the Barbie Girl reference makes even more sense. She is just confused as to who she really is. There are things she has regretting doing and that she feels shame in. Now with this Bride in a Cage card, the person on the card is rather thin and frail, kind of a shell of themselves, practically dead inside. She may never feel good enough. I am getting the message body dysmorphia from the card, just the messenger, not saying she has it. It is like she thinks about is this really the direction I want to go. She has kind of morphed into their puppet is what I am getting. It is like she is a clone of herself. Who she was she isn't anymore and who she is now, she isn't sure, like she asks herself who am I? What do I think? She isn't sure.

There is like an inner battle with herself. This unwillingness to accept part of herself, probably more so her flaws. She fights anything that goes against her image, not sure what that means exactly. I can also see this card as people fighting for her attention. She prefers the solitude and being alone away from all the distractions. She can pretty much be a loner. There is a secure base she has made for herself, to keep her safe, she does her best to keep to her image. She does not want to fail, look weak, or show any cracks. There is a sense of forgiveness she has for others for maybe what they have done or said to her. I say she is more forgiving to them then maybe herself. Well, the card I didn't want to come out, but was expecting to come out was the traumatized card and that came out. I got hints of this in the Dark Mirror reading. She dealt with some sort of trauma, now is it the mean comments, the surgery she may have to go through, or some sort of abuse, not sure I want to go there. She is trying not to get angry, upset or frustrated about what has been done to her, but to rise above and keep her cool. I have to take deep breaths during this reading, because I am getting what I expected and I wanted to be wrong, now I still can be, but energetically, something is off here. I just want to say when someone gets traumatized, they tend to dissociate to help move on and not relive the past or situation. Like I am getting that wasn't me, that was someone else, this is kind of a coping strategy, this is what I am sensing, no facts.

Okay, love these cards here. I wanted to see a bit more positivity here. She has a strong divine feminine energy. Is she follows her intuition and connect with her spirituality and use her creative energy she can very move through this and gain success in her own right. She may be already doing this. She seems to be spiritually guided and protected at the moment that can help guide her in the right direction. There is something good for her to come out of her terrible past and things she may have faced. As long as she keeps kindness in her heart and communicates from the heart and does not allow this to harden her or make her into a villain, so what I am getting is you know how victims can being villains and repeat the cycle. This tells her to keep kindness within her, so she doesn't turn into that in whatever form that it would be for her. Like she can go on a path to being very nasty and cruel to others, possibly a bully, but she doesn't have to go down that path, hurt people do hurt others, but it doesn't have to be that way. She can break that cycle.

There is some spiritual growth she needs to and can learn from what has happened in her career. She may have had to face the challenges she has to obtain the growth she needs on a personal/spiritual level, but if she dealt with any sort of trauma/abuse not a great lesson to learn as a human. On a spiritual level it makes sense, but no one wants that on a human level, that is a terrible experience to go through. Her life mission is to gain spiritual lessons through her work. Now with this House 8 card, the keywords on the cards are about transformation and Karma. I read it as transforming Karma, so whatever karma she may have, she can transform it and break that chain of cycle.

Both these card numbers come to 11 from this spread. 10 is a closing of a cycle, so I see 11 as a new chapter and beginning for her. To release the old cycle and start new. They are asking her to trust things as they are and that things will align itself for her. To trust that things will work out for her. To kind of look at the big picture. They kind of, I say they, because I sense this is more guidance from the collective/guides, even though she won't see this, they may want us to know lol It is like they want her to look at this from a spiritual perspective to look to why it happened for her, but no to her, very hard to do that on a human level though. They are asking her to be more gentle, soft and kind, once again, to not get too hardened, cold and harsh from what she experienced. Okay, walking in circles here, now ended it with Tarot.

Okay, this 5 of Swords is very telling, a lot of keywords here, so she may be falling for the trap of being cruel to others, or this is done to her, or it is cycle. The keywords on this card are argumentative, hurtful comments, conflict with others, avoidant, challenging to be around and pushes others away. I feel these all apply to her. I feel she tends to keep her distance as much as possible, but can get triggered and say mean things, but this can also be done to her. See, now with the Libra energy, this is like the opposite energy, a need to please others, do what they are told. I can also get the vibe with certain Libra's is that they don't really know who they are, they kind of mold themselves to what other people want them to be. I can see that with her. So, on one end she could say hurtful things, but she always finds a way to make peace, she may be the one to always apologize, even if she isn't in the wrong. Now with the Queen of Pentacles, she is successful and abundant in her own right. Her career is very important to her. She values her career. This may be something she puts above anything else. She would do anything to hold tight to what she has and what she earned. There is a nurturing and giving aspect to her as well. I feel this woman earned and worked hard for what she has achieved and has been through a lot of shit to get there, so I give props to her for that.

Okay, that went how I expected it, of course the first parts were a bit hard, but there were some highlights here. I just hope she works on healing and listens to the guidance to be gentler towards herself and others. Happy I did this, quite fascinating.

[hrizantemy]

“Nesta said bad things about Feyre in the cabin and slut-shamed her for being with Isaac Hale.”

• Nesta’s attitude towards Feyre in the cabin was indeed dismissive, but context matters. Nesta was deeply resentful of their father, who abandoned his responsibilities, and she projected that resentment onto Feyre, the youngest sister, who had taken on the family’s burdens.

• Regarding slut-shaming, there is no explicit moment in the text where Nesta shames Feyre for being with Isaac. Any judgment Nesta showed was rooted in her own insecurities, societal expectations, and strained relationship with Feyre, not a moral condemnation of Feyre’s choices.

“Nesta wasn’t helping with house chores and didn’t want to chop wood.”

• While Nesta may have voiced her frustration, it’s explicitly stated in A Court of Thorns and Roses that she did, in fact, chop wood on more than one occasion. Her complaints stemmed from her upbringing in luxury, which made such tasks foreign to her, but she ultimately took on the work when necessary.

• Nesta expressed a willingness to hunt to contribute to the family. This demonstrates that Nesta wasn’t wholly unwilling to help but lacked the capability and was overshadowed by Feyre’s expertise in survival tasks.

• Nesta was willing to sacrifice her own happiness and future to ease Feyre’s burden of providing for the family. She accepted an offer of marriage from Tomas Mandray, not out of love but as a practical solution to their dire circumstances. By marrying Tomas, she intended to remove herself as a financial strain, ensuring Feyre had one less mouth to feed.

“Nesta was entitled and spoiled.”

• Nesta’s “entitlement” stems from how she was raised—she was conditioned to expect a certain life. However, labeling her as merely spoiled ignores her complex character. Nesta showed glimpses of care, such as her attempts to protect Elain from harsh realities and her desire to avenge Feyre when she went to Prythian.

• Post-transformation, Nesta’s behavior (anger, isolation, and lashing out) stems from her trauma rather than entitlement. It’s not a justification but an explanation that deserves compassion.

“Nesta stole money from Feyre to buy clothing.”

• While Elain casually expressed a desire for a new cloak, Nesta identified a genuine need for new boots, as hers were falling apart. This is supported by the scene in A Court of Silver Flames where it’s mentioned that her boots were in poor condition, highlighting her practical decision to replace something essential for her survival rather than indulging in luxury.

• Feyre provided for her family willingly, including essentials like clothing and food. Nesta’s request for boots was not theft but a necessity, given their shared hardship and Feyre’s role as the primary provider. At no point does Nesta take money without Feyre’s knowledge or consent in ACOTAR.

“In real life, Nesta stans wouldn’t want to meet someone like her.”

• This point oversimplifies why people relate to or admire Nesta. Many see her as a flawed, multi-dimensional character who mirrors real struggles with trauma, guilt, and self-worth. While no one is excusing her mistakes, her journey of redemption and growth resonates deeply with those who have experienced similar challenges.

“Justifying Nesta is equivalent to justifying being mean.”

• No one is excusing Nesta’s past behavior or denying that she was mean at times. However, her actions are understood through the lens of her trauma, mental health struggles, and personal growth. Feyre herself forgives Nesta and acknowledges the complexity of her pain.

• To say that acknowledging Nesta’s redemption equates to condoning meanness is reductive and dismisses the importance of character growth, which is central to Nesta’s arc in ACOSF.

Final Thoughts:

• Nesta’s flaws are undeniable, but they make her relatable and human. Instead of painting her as purely “bad,” her story demonstrates that even deeply flawed people can grow, heal, and become better. To dismiss her as merely a narcissistic villain undermines the nuance of her character and her journey.

[shaanks]

listen what i'm saying is, I know the perv trope thing with Sanji is annoying and overplayed. i know it is. i know that some of it is Oda's humor and some of it is like. shit that anime always seems to find one character to shunt onto, and I don't like it and nobody likes it but like

pretending that's the only character trait that he has, or refusing to connect the dots through what appears to both be some vestige of the Vinsmoke programming (since ALL of his brothers have the exact same kind of nosebleed awooga behavior despite their lack of other meaningful human emotions), and a strict adherence to anything Zeff taught him (bc children do not process trauma and traumatic events the way adults do, and at that point Zeff was not only his first and ONLY example of paternal love, but the only hand capable of reaching in and stopping the knife he'd been twisting in his own guts), isn't just stupid, it's a deeply shallow and backwards take of an incredibly complex character.

yes, Sanji is flawed. they're all flawed. that's half the point of the story, that people are more than the sum of their parts, or the circumstances of their birth, or their pain.

Sanji's journey in this story so far is one of broken shackles, of healing, of finding comfort in himself and trust in his found family despite how deep the roots of self-loathing and fear run in him. in that way, of course he took Zeff's perspective to heart. Zeff who cut a piece of himself off and chose Sanji's life over his own well-being again and again, when Sanji's birth father abandoned him to torment and death. Zeff, who thought he was wonderful, and kind, and intelligent, and nurtured his potential, and taught him how to make sure nobody could ever hurt him again, when his birth father discarded him as damaged goods. Zeff, who is proud, in his own way, to know what his son is up to, and for people to know that's his boy, when his birth father's only direct words to him were to make sure to never bring him the shame of letting anyone know they were related.

(and that's the wild part, one of the things that really breaks me about Sanji sometimes, is that he kept that promise, too. If WCI hadn't happened he might never have told anyone at all.)

Zeff saved Sanji in every way a hurt little boy could possibly be saved, and so when he said "You never hit a woman, that's wisdom from when the dinosaurs walked the earth." and "Beat any man's ass you want, but if I ever catch you raising a hand to a woman I'll cut your dick off and then myself too for teaching you that." like???

He's not being a misogynist, he doesn't refuse to fight women because he thinks they're weak and frail and the fairer sex that needs to be protected at all costs by big strong men, he respects Nami and Robin and Vivi and refuses to give up on his friends and even forgives Viola despite her almost killing him and agrees to help her, like?? he internalized everything Zeff ever told him, not just how to make risotto really well or how to pair wine to cheeses and desserts.

does Oda sometimes play that up for laughs, or run it to extremes? yeah, absolutely. I actively like to pretend Fishman Island was 10 episodes of political backstory and Jinbei. But those moments of hyperbole aren't the fucking point of his character, or his development, and to pretend like they are removes Sanji--and an incredibly poignant story about abuse, recovery, self-love, and the acceptance and importance of found family--from the story.

[tragedy-for-sale]

Favorite Liar pt. I

I have yet to see people talk about the physical pain Obi-Wan must have been in during the Hardeen arc. I mean, this man was constantly getting beat up and had dozens of untreated injuries. Not to mention, we saw how much pain he was in during the facial transformation, what about the pain turning back?

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

Obi-Wan found it humerous Master Windu and Master Yoda had failed to mention how much this would hurt. But Obi-Wan knew if they kept adding on to the already long list of things that made Obi-Wan want to back out, that he would have. He was already lying far beyond he'd ever wanted to, he'd already hurt all those he loved and he didn't dare ask for forgiveness because had their places been shifted, Obi-Wan would have a hard time accepting an apology all the same. But this, this was just cruel. Returning to Obi-Wan Kenobi was a lot harder than becoming Rako Hardeen.

He would be lying if Obi-Wan had said he hadn't been avoiding Anakin and Ahsoka. He felt their betrayal all throughout the temple, from star systems away he could sense their pain. Pain that he caused. Obi-Wan couldn't stand that truth, he'd hurt them and there wasn't anything he could do to make it alright. His need to help others had only hurt the people he cared the most about. So there Obi-Wan sat, alone in the medical wing of the temple, hidden far from others, where he could hide and no one would see the shame on his face.

He looked out the window, that was all he could do. Upon his initial scan, the droid pointed out his several cracked ribs and the transformation back had left his face swollen and bruised, and the voice changer had left his throat feeling as if he'd swallowed blades. So Obi-Wan laid there, holding himself tightly as he fought the pain that came with each breath, as he prepared himself to swallow and whince at the pain. But he didn't have enough energy to whince, he didn't have enough energy for anything at all.

When hours passed, he woke up and shot up as he grabbed the container on the bedside table. He'd been terribly nauseous and he had yet to be able to keep anything down. Obi-Wan fell back onto the pillows, staring at the wall, he'd asked for privacy and he'd gotten it. Mace nor Yoda had come by since. Plo had left flowers, a rather odd gesture Obi-Wan thought, but appreciated it all the same.

Sitting up, he held his hand closely to his chest, moving slowly to ease his pain. Obi-Wan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he could make it to the chair, Obi-Wan knew he could, it wasn't as if he'd gone through a major trauma, he was fine. He was just in a lot of pain. Nothing to worry about. Swinging his legs over the bed, he braced himself and with another deep breath, Obi-Wan stood up. He was leaning against the bed but he felt he could do this. He could make it to the chair. His left arm was still pressed against his aching chest, but he could make it. Step after step, he could make it- he really almost did.

Obi-Wan took too confident of a step, he felt blades against his lungs and he fell. Obi-Wan whimpered as he opened his eyes. His entire body shaking. He felt a wave of frustration wash over him, he slammed his fist down. "Dammit-" He whinced, eyes flooding with tears as he let out a sob. Obi-Wan shook his head, he shouldn't have done this, he didn't want to be fighting with Anakin, he didn't want Ahsoka to be mad at him, he didn't want his friends avoiding him like the plague. He wanted to be chasing after Ahsoka, finding Anakin in hide-and-seek, he wanted his family close, not held at arms length. He wanted Cody. Most of all, he couldn't stand Cody hating him. He loved him too much.

He'd been so angry with him, and Obi-Wan just stood there, wanting to tell Cody that he loved him, but Obi-Wan would open his mouth to say it but nothing would come out. He had tried to grab Cody's hand and Obi-Wan was still haunted by Cody yanking his hand back. He wasn't strong enough for this. He tried so hard to be okay with losing everyone he loved, he tried so hard not to be swept away by the undercurrent of remorse, but he'd failed so miserably. He cried for Cody, for hours, Cody's anger echoed in his mind, Cody fighting him until his tears caused his anger to resign. Obi-Wan had done his duty as a Jedi, but he'd lost everything, now all he had was himself, and he wouldn't choose to spend the rest of his life with himself. He wasn't someone Obi-Wan liked.

Obi-Wan fell onto his back, gasping for air. He shouldn't have tried to be brave. He should have just stayed in the bed. He shouldn't have tried to be a Jedi, he should've been selfish and let another take upon this task. He couldn't handle all the people he loved being angry at him, he couldn't handle being alone. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, he could feel his entire body shake, he was so cold. But he couldn't get up, he couldn't move his hand, he couldn't even think to use the force. All he could do was lay there and think, think of all he'd done,

Think of all he'd ruined.

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

Part two here

[mysticheathenn]

How Can I Improve My Relationship With...?

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card reading can be about anything which is why I placed .... instead of a specific subject. This can be your relationship with drugs/alcohol, friends, family, romance, or yourself. Remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help. Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

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Pile l: (Tarot: Ace of Cups, The Hermit, 7 of Swords (reversed), 8 of Pentacles, 6 of Cups, Knight of Pentacles)

What relationship needs to be improved? The Self

Your relationship with yourself needs to be improved pile l. This pile is split into two parts. One is more about the inner child while for the rest of you, it's about how you view and expect from yourselves. Those who resonate with the inner child you may hold onto a lot of guilt, shame, regret, and lack of forgiveness for yourself from past things you allowed from others or even from yourself. If this isn't past energy this is current energy (take what resonates, leave what doesn't). This is where the lines blur together because I see you wanting better for yourself but because of either lack of discipline, lack of self-awareness, or being honest with yourself, past hurt and traumas eating you up at night, you aren't allowing yourself to thrive. It's as if you are punishing yourself for the past or present energies telling yourself you don't deserve it because of xyz happened to you and you are unsure of how to move on from this energy when this is the only thing you know how to feel. I believe some of you have been dealing with these emotions for years and either aren't sure how to heal, don't want to heal because you are fearful of the healed version of yourself, or you want to sit in your pain a bit more to help keep others out. holding onto pain is the only way you can establish any kind of boundaries because with a wall so high how can anyone try to play you again when they can't even get past the wall you have up.

How to improve your relationship with yourself?

This is something you don't want to hear but the only thing you can do to have a better relationship with yourself is to heal. Let yourself enjoy and love life again. Stop punishing yourself for the things you allowed to happen in the past or current times. This is not the end of the world and you still deserve to have and experience great things, whether it's love, friends, etc. But first, you need to sit down and be honest with yourself and I'm hearing stop playing the victim and do something. Stop pitying yourself and using walls as a way to form boundaries and do the REAL work. Learn about yourself again. Heal your inner child. Know what you do and don't like. What you will and won't accept and this even goes for yourself. If you want to be THAT GIRL/GUY you need to put in the work. You want people to stop taking your kindness for granted, you need to put in the work to change your stance. Britney Spears - Work "You want a Lamborghini, sipping martini's look hot in a bikini you better work b*tch" Some of you don't realize how much power you hold over the life that you can create, have, and share with the people who will truly love you for you.

Pile ll: (Tarot: The Lovers, Page of Swords, 5 of Wands, The Emperor (reversed), 10 of Pentacles, Strength (reversed/bottom deck))

What relationship needs to be improved? Romantic Life

Pile ll.....I'm tired.....*sigh*

So...We're going to have this conversation yet again I see. Whoever these messages are for please listen this time. I'm tired. Your guides are tired. I'm ready to move on, and so are your guides, why aren't you. This person that is in your romantic field is not the love of your life. You know they are not the love of your life. they definitely know they are not it and the funny thing about all of this is they constantly show you that they don't care about you and you keep sticking around like Thanksgiving leftovers. Staying consistent and holding things down, but for what?? What are you getting out of this...d*ck and p*ssy is not this good to be staying around and being treated like you don't matter. Some of you are gaslighting yourself into believing things aren't bad because it either could be worse or because some days are good. I understand you may have a long history together but what does that have to do with self-respect, human decency, and love?? Your reading is short because....you already know what is up and your spirit team is too tired to even give me a full proper message.

How to improve your relationship with your romantic life?

Just like pile l, you may not want or even expect to hear this but improve the relationship with yourself. Love yourself. Have some self-respect enough to know that what you're going through isn't love, it's not worth it, and is a contradiction to what you want to have as your romantic life. A lot of you want the picket fence, the dog, the kids (or kidless), lifestyle with a partner you get excited about seeing coming home after a long day at work. So why aren't you actively seeking that?? It's because you don't love yourself enough to go after things that want you. Again this message is short because you already know what's up but just in case I have a video right here for you. Video 1 / Video 2

Pile lll:

What relationship needs to be improved? Everything Everywhere All at Once

You need to improve your discipline, drive, and motivation for going after the things you want out of life. For some, this message can be academic. You are having issues with deciding what you want to do with your life but at the same time, some of you know what you want to do something is holding you back. For some this can be a parent not wanting you to go after a certain career field, other of you it's the amount of work involved with what you truly want to do, and then the rest of you who are scared of either your potential or the fear of failure. No matter what your situation is academic, life, etc it's time to make a decision. It's time to take action. It's time to finally be able to sing the song Congratulations by Post Malone. Make a decision stand on business and don't second guess yourself.

How to improve your relationship with your life?

Do the thing. Be scared doing. Be thrilled doing it. Make a decision. Stand on Business. Stop fearing failure. Stop procrastinating. Stop fearing success. Stop listening to your parents (unless they are paying for your college then try and find a middle ground or go all independent), Focus. Stop relying on feelings and rely on mental to get things done. You will never always feel ready or want to do the things you want to do. Here's a video for you. Video 1

That's all I have for everyone. I hope you enjoyed this reading. Until next time, stay safe and blessed.

[todorokistheories]

Endeavor Is One Of My Favorite Characters

I don't agree with his redemption from a viewer standpoint but heres the thing no one seems to realize.

It's really realistic.

tw: discussion of abuse, toxic masculinity, it's the todorokis what do you expect

I can't count how many middle aged men I've seen realize that what they were told about being a man their entire lives was false. They never learned to mature, sit with their feelings, and all they were left with was this anger they never learned how to control.

Now let me make this clear. I am IN NO WAY defending his actions.

Old, prideful, misogynistic men all bought into this idea of power and authority. They think they're better than everyone else because if they aren't, they have nothing.

Sometimes they wake up, realize that all they've done is hurt people.

These men have a breaking point, some reach it on their deathbed, some find it in themselves to change before their children are born.

Or, for example, Bakugou was taught by the ppl around him that he was what everyone wanted to be.

Difference is... he grew up. Endeavor didn't.

Endeavor had great success in his 20s, a loving wife who was bought specially for him, the public's awe, and his first ever prodigy who was going to be even more special than him. He was in the best position he would ever be in his whole life. He peaked.

That's why All Might's success messed with him so much.

He was at the highest point of his life and career and he STILL wasn't good enough to become number one.

For a man who only has his pride, that's a huge ego crusher. Unlike Bakugou, he never sat with this. He became obsessed, deciding that if he couldn't be the best then he'd train his kids so that they were. That way he was still worth something. Because all of his worth was tied to his success.

It didn't matter what stood in his way, because he had two choices: succeed, or admit to himself that he was a failure.

For men who bought into toxic masculinity, yeah that wasn't an option.

And then his worst failure happened. Touya burned.

He died and suddenly those voices that told Enji that he was a failure grew loud enough for him to lash out at everyone who might even hint that they agree. Unfortunately, Rei was in the forefront of that. Every comment about their children turned into a criticism that his ego couldn't handle. It was a personal attack.

And then his second failure happened. Shouto burned.

Suddenly, the shame was too much to handle. So, he sent away the person who was constantly reminding him of his inadequacies: Rei. He sent her away to never see the light of day again because he couldn't face it.

He locked everything away and threw away the key, shutting down Shouto and choosing to see his son as an object and a means to an end. Because he's special, remember? He's better than everyone. He is worth something because he's special.

Then Touya, who he shoved all of this generational trauma onto, turned out to be alive. Not only is he alive, he's the antithesis of what Enji fought his whole life to be.

Suddenly, he couldn't hide anymore. The whole world knew he was a fraud. He's forced to face the jealousy, the embarrassment, the shame, and the feeling of worthlessness that he ruined his life to run away from in the first place.

His career, gone. Image, gone. Youth, gone. His life is over and all he is left with is the shards of a family he broke years ago.

So he embraces it. He accepts the blame for the first time in his life.

And it changes for the better. He can't undo it. He can't fix what he hurt. And he can't truly repair anything. But he can try and that's worth something even if he's not.

This is something that happens in real life. And no one is expected to forgive these people for the harm they've caused. But understanding it is the first step to not repeating it. So yeah, I fucking hate Endeavor but goddamn he's well written.

Horikoshi wrote something very accurate to the experiences thousands of people have and I appreciate that. It's needed in media. There's many things he's done with the Todoroki family that I do not agree with, but the premise of Endeavor's redemption is one that rings true.

[thelovetheystole]

Robert rant incoming.

1) This is the most interesting backstory they could come up with for the new Sugden?

2) How harrowing will it be when 'up against' Aaron's past? Since they insisted on putting those two not-so-sunny characters together without them having one thing to talk about, this will inevitably end up being the thing that bonds them emotionally, because all they have now is sex. Which trauma will Aaron choose to focus on?

Because if he starts talking about all of them, Fauxbert won't be the focus, which they clearly want him to be. So, Jackson, Ben or Liv?

3) This is when I'm going to scream into the void about Robert again, okay? I'm getting a bit tired of everyone coming on the show having these off screen tragic backstories when the one we actually saw on screen never seemed to rate. (If it would have been written in 2024, can you imagine?)

Robert watching his mother die in that burning barn at 14 years old never seemed to qualify as a 'harrowing' experience that may have damaged or shaped him, in the eyes of his fellow villagers (or the viewers, and certainly not the producers/writers), neither did finding out who was responsible or who was willing to cover for them. Think about that. 14 years old.

And people wonder why he turned out like he did. Fauxbert, I assume, was a grown man when this happened and he has been acting like an ass since the moment we met him. Presumably because of what he's been through in the army, and specifically this event.

Aaron was the same a year after Liv's death, beating people up and and saying horrible things to anyone and everyone, including victim blaming Suni and Nicky, being vile about Dawn, humiliating Ethan after sleeping with him and almost killing Cain.

Is that understandable? Sure, it absolutely can be. PTSD is obviously a very real thing, for one. But why can't Robert's behavior ever be understood? His mum died a very painful death, and he was there, a child, who couldn't help/save her. His brother/best friend was responsible and lied about it and their father lied to help cover it up.

No exaggeration needed either, it was shown on the show, step by step. People can still watch it now.

He. was. just. supposed. to. get. over. it.

Then the brother and father were closer than ever, and Robert was on the outside looking in, for all time, and he was basically shamed his whole life for not being able to forgive and forget what happened to Sarah and why. Who would be able to get over something so traumatic without help and understanding and support?

Andy even mocked him about it before chicken run 2.0 when Robert voiced his pain over Sarah and Jack. Is that what this is about? Him liking me more than you? No Andy, that's not the whole story and you know it, and fyi, decent parents don't pick a child they 'like more'. Ask Wendy Posner and she'll tell you.

Robert's constant need to remind everyone that he was the 'real son' and that Andy was adopted comes from feeling that was the only 'advantage' he ever he had. The only valid reason he could think of for Jack to love him, see him, pick him. Accept him. The son who didn't want to be a farmer. The son who kissed a boy. The son who stole his brother's girl. The disappointment. But at least they were blood and that had to count for something right?

He was 14 years old when that fire happened, like Liv was when she arrived in 2014. Her upbringing with Sandra wasn't great, and then she found out about Gordon. Those things contributed to her alcoholism later and that was something she would have struggled with for the rest of her life, had it not ended too soon.

He was 17 when he fell for Katie, his brother's girlfriend. That's something he was held accountable for his whole life. Around that age Liv blackmailed Maya over Jacob instead of trying to get help for him, because she couldn't grasp the severity of the situation. Because she was still considered a child and treated as such.

When Robert was sent away from the village and told to never come back, he was 19, about the same age Liv was when she couldn't bear the idea of Aaron leaving her and moving away with Ben or consider going with them. (I know she was drinking at the time, but she was still very attached to the idea of living with Aaron when she had married Vinny and was sober in 2022.)

Robert was treated more unfairly than any other child on the show, and judged by adult standards way more than any other teen, and I'll die on that hill. (He was also the adult who wad judged the hardest for cheating, but hey, that's for another day.)

I guess I'm just sad for Robert that he now has another brother he has to compete against. Someone's who's trauma is worse, yet is heroic and saves people. Someone who Aaron wants to be with - for unexplained reasons. Someone Victoria is desperate to be loved by. Someone about to become an important part of the community.

Someone who is now basically living Robert's life.

[n33dlew0rk]

Memento Mori

rated M | 538 words | cw: vaguely explicit anal sex being performed, light dom-sub tones but that's not the point, character study -ish, exes to lovers but not really, make-up sex but not really, angst, boundaries what boundaries, hurt/no comfort

for @steddieangstyaugust prompt 'second chance' (day 1)

Second chances are a weird thing, right?

Like, the entire concept of being able to blank slate a whole event, relationship, trauma-sprinkled experience, whatever. Fucking bonkers.

Because who the fuck can really, like really, do that? I mean, how fucking many glass shards coated feelings do you have to swallow raw even to begin to try and trust someone as if nothing ever happened. As if it’s not your very own rug, the one you’re sweeping all the hurt under.

But, you see, the craziest part about second chances, the one no one tells you about when recounting grand tales of redemption and forgiveness, is that the yearning is also very much real. Just as much as the pain, if not more. 

The unsettling want, the unending what-ifs, the daydreaming scenarios bleeding into real life, infecting any piss poor try at healing.

And Eddie yearned, oh Eddie wanted. 

That’s exactly why his brain isn’t particularly focused on this second-guessing the second chance gig he’s got going on in the back of his head. 

Because right now there’s nothing more real than the sweaty skin under his hands. Reality, the entirety of it, chose one single form to express itself and it was in the soft whining coming from the body underneath him, muffled by a pillow. 

So Eddie grabs a fistful of Steve’s hair in his hand, tugging on it, pulling his head until he can see his face reflected in the mirror in front of the bed. So Eddie slows down his thrusts, watching closely as Steve’s face contorts and lets that same shameful desire burning inside himself escape his mouth. 

Because Eddie needs to see it, needs to know it’s not a fucking hallucination, not his demise alone to be slipping into habit, aching heart and traitorous horniness muscle memory acting rebellious and climbing over the precarious walls of self-preservation. 

And, like, you know how these things go, the split-second identity crisis preceding the dreaded post-nut clarity. So Eddie knows, he fucking knows, as he’s filling Steve up - Steve the all-encompassing leyline, Steve the revelation in the mundanity of sun-filled afternoon smokes, Steve the life lived out in the open, Steve the forever only makes sense if it’s with you, Steve the space-needing-I-still-feel-like-I-need-to-know-myself-better, Steve the heartbreaker, Steve the brave, the strong, the I don’t know if I can do this, Steve the I thought I was stronger - that he can either collapse on him and make a nest underneath his ribs, a chosen gilded cage of acceptance for him to stroke and soothe Steve’s repentance, or he can put the needle back on the turntable and resume the bitter agonising final track of this shitty concept album of second chances.

Eddie moves quickly then because there are only so many closing notes Lost Trust can afford him before Lost Love starts her compelling speech about things working out this time, about finally being home, about time healing every wound that bled on the damned carpet, passing through it like it’s not feeding the very ghosts of pains not-so-past hiding under it.  

As he leaves, he ties the condom and leaves it on the floor, near Steve’s discarded clothes.

A memento mori for the fucking second chances.

[unwelcome-ozian]

10 symptoms of religious trauma

The effects of religious trauma can be life-altering and long-lasting. Common signs and symptoms include:

Self-hatred Some religious movements rest on the idea that some people are inherently evil, untrustworthy, or unworthy of love. Others elevate certain identities over others, leading to marginalization, discrimination, and oppression. This may result in low self-esteem, depression, self-harm, or suicidal ideation.

Shame Shame occurs when you equate a negative action with who you are as a person. Many unhealthy religious communities use shame as a way to influence and control others. Instead of learning to accept responsibility for their mistakes and extending forgiveness to themselves and others, people in shame-based religions often learn to cover up or deny anything that could be considered wrong by their community.

Perfectionism Some religious communities may identify certain actions or behaviors as indicative of a person’s moral value, and they may promote certain careers or types of families as spiritually superior. This can result in perfectionism, which is often accompanied by high levels of anxiety and stress, as well as the setting of unrealistic goals.

Hypervigilance Some religions paint a picture of a vindictive god who punishes people whenever they fall short. Others promote apocalyptic ideas and suggest that a violent end to the world is nigh. These ideas may lead to heightened levels of anxiety resulting in hypervigilance: a constant state of anxiety meant to protect a person from perceived or actual threats of harm.

Difficulty with making decisions Many who experience religious trauma are accustomed to making decisions in the context of a certain doctrine and/or hierarchy. If they choose to change their relationship with these institutions or leave them entirely, they may struggle with autonomy and making their own decisions.

Loss of community For many, religion provides community. If a person changes or leaves their faith, they may lose contact with many friends, family members, and acquaintances. 

Some people who leave their religious community may experience a season of loneliness and isolation. It can be intimidating to rebuild a community, especially if people outside their faith were often labeled evil or inferior.

Lack of boundaries Being part of a religious community often means accepting some amount of feedback regarding how you live your life. Many faith communities also have expectations for volunteering and service. 

These can be considered healthy aspects of religion, as long as boundaries are clear and respected. When boundaries are blurred or nonexistent, a person may struggle to find their identity without input from others. They may also have a hard time saying no to certain tasks or prioritizing self-care.

Delayed social milestones Purity culture is a religious concept that focuses on ideas about gender, sexuality, sex, virginity, marriage, and procreation. Religions that rely heavily on purity culture may scrutinize or monitor children’s social interactions and segregate kids based on their assigned sex. In these contexts, LGBTQIA+ people in particular may not have the chance to experience social milestones, such as first dates or kisses, until adulthood. This delay can be frustrating, and some people who had overly restricted lives as teenagers may make impulsive or reckless decisions as adults once they leave their religious communities.

Sexual dysfunction Religions that overemphasize purity culture may not prepare their followers for healthy sex lives, even in the context of marriage. 

Many people who struggle with religious trauma practice abstinence until marriage and may feel dirty or guilty when engaging in sex. People from religious backgrounds that preach traditional gender roles may struggle to confront realities about desire, drive, and performance that don’t align with what they learned. Some religions teach about sex in a way that centers obligation instead of consent, resulting in unhealthy, harmful, or even criminal sexual behaviors.

Mental health disorders Religious trauma can cause, contribute to, or otherwise worsen mental health disorders. Commonly associated mental illnesses include:

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) Depression Anxiety Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) Eating disorders Addiction

[babyjakes]

ever green, evermore | 4. difficult introductions.

〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉

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summary | loving husbands jake and ari had always believed they were all each other could ever want or need. but one unusual summer, when their world is turned upside-down by an uncanny girl from down the street, they find that having someone to love, nurture, and care for together is the missing piece that finally completes their perfect family and lives.

characters | caretaker!jake jensen, daddy!ari levinson, wrenley beauchamp (original character)

warnings | mentions/depictions of domestic and sexual violence, mental health themes: anxiety/panic disorders, trauma and post-traumatic-stress, eating disorders (restrictive subtype), therapeutic methods and tools: exposure, age regression.

After such a difficult afternoon, Jake was a bit worried Wren might be scared away from visiting again. But luckily, their routine resumed uninterrupted; if anything, it almost seemed to the man as if the entire experience had actually brought him closer to the girl than he was before. It made sense, in a way, as she had shown more vulnerability than ever, and he had managed to maintain her trust through it all. He had done what he had hoped to do: gently encourage her to step outside her comfort zone while still respecting her emotional needs. In the days following, once he knew he and Wren were still on good terms, Jake found himself relieved that he had managed to take a few steps forward with his friend without completely pushing her too far.

For a while after that, the hardest part was simply the little one's apologies. They were plentiful and unyielding; it seemed she just couldn't adequately express her guilt and shame no matter how hard she tried. Jake was more than happy to listen to anything that might be on Wren's mind, and when the 'sorry's just seemed to keep coming and coming, he held no frustration or annoyance with her. He knew it was just her mind convincing her she had to make up for what she had "done." But it broke his heart to see her so anguished, especially when she often ended up in tears through her scrambled words. All he could do was accept her apologies and promise that she was forgiven, or even further, that there was nothing to forgive in the first place— of course no one was mad at her. Of course they understood. It just seemed as though it was going to take a good long while to convince Wren of that.

Weeks went by and Jake figured it would be best to just put off any further attempts at the meeting for the time being, even after the final apology had seemingly been given. He and Ari were in agreement that this would most likely be best, considering how upsetting the entire ordeal had been for the poor girl. But then, out of the blue, Wren surprised them both by asking for another go at it, herself.

It was early one morning as she and Jake tended the garden together, the courage to ask the question seeming to come from nowhere as her little voice piped up amidst the balmy heat of the summer air, "J-Jakey?"

Looking up from the blush-colored peonies before him, the man raised a gentle brow at her as he hummed, "Hmm? What's up, darlin'?"

Wren's hands paused over the greenery, her small fingers fiddling with her clump of weeds as she kept her gaze low. Bottom lip puffing out a bit, she couldn’t seem to make it past that point on her own. Sensing her hesitancy, Jake pulled back from his work, wanting to give her his full attention. "What's on your mind, sweet girl?" It was rare for her to ever speak first, even after all the time they'd spent together. She was just a quiet presence; she rarely initiated any conversation of her own.

"Just w-wanted to ask..." she mumbled, her voice barely loud enough for her friend to hear. Leaning in a bit to listen, Jake nodded encouragingly, though he knew it would probably take more coaxing than that to find out whatever was bothering the sheepish girl.

"Go ahead, sweetie. You know you can ask me anything," he murmured gently, giving her a small, sincere smile.

Managing a cautious gaze in his direction, Wren caught it, mustering up more courage through a few deep breaths. "Just wanted... I was wondering... I-I..." Eyes falling again, she finally let out the words that would come as such a pleasant surprise to Jake, "I-I was hoping maybe... maybe I could try again... m-meeting Mr. Ari, I mean."

The man’s eyes widened a bit at her words. Wren seemed a little unsure of how to handle his surprise, so he was fast to snap out of his shock. "Oh honey, I think he'd love if we could try again," he smiled, his excitement audible in his voice. "You really want to? We just haven't wanted to push, y'know... we know it was so difficult last time," he told her sympathetically. Wren nodded, her cheeks darkening a bit at the reminder. "And that's okay, bub-" he added quickly, "-we know this is all so hard; I'm so proud of you, chicky. C'mere," he breathed, abandoning his spot across the flower boxes to collect her into a warm embrace.

"I-I'd like to try again, please," she spoke softly into his shoulder. "I promise I'll do better, I-I... I won't back out this time." Pulling back slightly to look at her, Jake was a bit concerned by the sense of urgency in her voice; it was almost as if she were afraid she might be denied another chance, which certainly would never be the case.

"Hey cutie, hey..." the kind man cooed, brushing her hair back from her face, "of course you can try again, Wren. And even if you do have to stop, that's okay. You can have as much time as you need, as many tries as you need, okay? We're just so proud of you for trying, sweet thing. You're bein' so brave, so, so brave." Tucking her hair behind her ear, he cupped her cheek, gazing at her softly. "So, what were you thinkin'? We can do this all on your timing, at whatever pace feels best."

"Well..." blinking bashfully, Wren admitted, "I-I was thinkin' about how... you told me, Mr. Ari really loves lemon desserts, 'member?"

"That's right, he does," Jake confirmed with a grin. "Good memory, bubba."

Tapping the toes of her shoes together, the girl continued, "Was thinking... maybe I could make somethin' special for him. And then... y'know..."

"Sure," he nodded understandingly, filling in the rest of the timid thing's words. "Bring 'em on over and we can give this all another go? I think that's a wonderful idea, sweetheart. He's gonna be so excited; I can't wait to tell him." Thinking for a moment, he suggested, "Maybe you could bring them sometime later this week? I know he'll be finishing up a thesis today or tomorrow. That should leave him with plenty of free time to snack with us."

Wren nodded, and though her nervousness was plain as day on her delicate face, Jake was encouraged to see a teeny glimmer of hope shining in the sweet girl's eyes as she stood there before him, her little cheek cradled delicately into his tender hand. "I-I'll make something super yummy, I really hope he'll like it."

"I'm sure he will, chicky,” Jake was able to promise her without a doubt in his mind. “Ari's loved everything you've ever brought us."

As he entered back into the house later that morning, he could hardly wait to tell Ari the news. Almost tripping over himself as he kicked off his work boots, he made his way swiftly to the pair of glass doors at the entrance to the couple's shared office, giving a light knock. His husband could be seen in his usual spot, amidst scattered paperwork and his computer which occupied most of his L-shaped desk. Looking up at the sound of a visitor, the older man gave Jake a smile, motioning for him to enter.

"Hey honey, you two all finished for the day?" Ari mused, hitting save on his document as he pushed back a bit in his chair. Jake found his way to his own seat at his smaller workspace, relaxing back into the faux-leather cushion as he nodded. "Hot out there today, huh?" the doctor noted, "I've been feeling the heat of the sun through the windows. Glad you two weren't at it for too long."

"You'll never guess what she said," Jake smiled, his excitement seeping through his attempts to mask it as his husband returned his grin, happy to see his partner so happy. "I was so surprised, Ari; I could've cried."

"What'd she say, babe?" Ari asked, now intrigued. It was normal for the blonde to report back on his time spent with his friend; many times he had the sweetest stories to tell of little moments they'd shared, but this sort of excitement was something new.

"She asked if she could try meeting you again," Jake beamed, "she brought it up, all on her own. I thought for sure after what happened last time, she'd never want to give it another go. But it seems like she does really want to meet you, even though it's so difficult for her," he told him proudly. "She was so sweet when she asked, Ari. I wish you could've seen her."

"Oh my," Ari's voice swelled, "I certainly wasn't expecting that."

"Tell me about it," Jake sighed, shaking his head. "I'm so proud'a her. She's really come so far, even in just the time I've known her. Hopefully we can keep working towards the two of you finally getting to meet, face to face. She's gonna bring some treats later this week, after you're done with your paper. She wants to make them special, just for you."

"What a sweet girl," Ari hummed fondly, the thought of little Wrenley making him something special, despite all of her fear towards him, just melting his heart. "Well, that'll be all the more reason to keep working at it," he chuckled as he motioned to his mountain of papers, "I wish we could have her sooner."

"I was thinkin' we should approach things a little differently this time," Jake mentioned, mindlessly picking at a few specks of dirt on his pants as he spoke, "everything seemed to fall apart when you came out for those few moments. Maybe it would be best to get her inside first, just let her look around and see that it's safe."

"That might help," Ari agreed, thinking for a moment before adding, "I guess since she's never been in the house, she might not know what to expect. You guys can come in at her pace, get your shoes off and get settled, that sort of thing. Good thinking."

"We'll just take it one step at a time," Jake nodded. "I told her it'll be okay if she has to stop again; I don't want her to feel too much pressure. I know she's so embarrassed about how things went last time."

"Poor girl," Ari frowned, hating the thought of her having to feel such a way about something she couldn't even control to begin with. "One step at a time," he repeated Jake's words, "sounds like a plan to me, bub."

A few days later on Thursday afternoon, Jake finally got to send the anticipated text. 'Hey chicky, Ari finished up his thesis this morning. You free tomorrow?' Tagging the end of his text with a yellow heart, he hit send. A few minutes later, it was confirmed; Wren would bake that evening and make her way over in the morning. Ari and Jake were elated, spending most of the rest of the night trying to tidy up the house. While they certainly knew it might be another difficult day ahead, they couldn't wait to hopefully make more progress with the girl.

Around nine the next morning, Wren texted Jake to let him know she was heading over on her bike. He and Ari decided the older man would stay in the office while the pair of friends took their time in entering the home. "Good luck out there," Ari planted a kiss in Jake's hair before heading to the office to wait things out.

"Love you, big guy," Jake called after him as he took to pulling on his boots, standing in the entryway.

"Love you more, handsome!" Ari sang back before closing the office door behind him, leaving Jake alone for a few moments to collect his thoughts. He had a weird feeling about the day ahead, a good one. He tried to hold onto the fact that the whole thing had been the girl's own idea to begin with; that alone gave him hope that she might be able to make some big strides forward.

Taking his time, he headed out through the front door, deciding to leave it open while closing the glass storm door in its place. He thought maybe being able to see into the house would be comforting for Wren; he wanted to do everything he possibly could, down to the tiniest details, to help his friend feel safe. Walking down the gravel path away from the house, he was warmed gently by the morning sun as it stood beneath a thin veil of clouds in the sky. It wasn't too warm of a day, nice enough to open up the windows, the man thought to himself as he found his way to the front of the garden, stopping to wait as he gazed down the long road towards the hill. He could see a small figure traveling his way in the distance; as the minutes passed, it grew larger and larger, turning into a familiar body perched atop an ivory bike.

When Wren saw Jake waiting for her, she rang her bell in greeting like always, earning a smile from the blonde-haired man as he waved at the approaching girl. "Hi sweetheart," he greeted warmly as she made it to the edge of the drive, parking her bike in its place by the mailbox. "Nice out today, isn't it? Guess the sun's finally letting up a bit; this week sure's been brutal."

Gathering her basket, Wren nodded in agreement at Jake's observation as she made her way over to her friend, mumbling a meek hello. Her posture was already stiff; it wasn't hard for him to notice. When he pulled her in for a hug, he could feel her small frame trembling weakly against him. "Hey sweet girl," he softened his voice, holding her in his embrace for a few moments as he rubbed her back gently. "You're okay, there's no rush. I got you," he hummed, relieved to feel her relaxing a bit at his words.

When they pulled away from each other, Jake offered the girl a smile as he looked her over. "I like your dress, cutie. S'it new?" he tried to loosen her up with some small talk.

Looking down at her checkered beige apron gown, which she wore over a plain white shirt, Wren shook her head. "No, b-but I haven't worn it much this summer." Jake nodded, noticing it looked a bit heavier and warmer than most of her usual sundresses.

"Well it sure is adorable," he complimented. It was almost a bit of a routine they had. The man was always so impressed by her clothes; he commented regularly on whatever the girl happened to be wearing that day. Clearly she was quite the seamstress, certainly the most talented Jake had ever seen.

Wren gave a hum of bashful thanks as she crossed a foot nervously behind the other, prompting the boy beside her to take her hand carefully in hopes of comforting her. "How're you feeling, honey?" he asked, his voice low and sensitive as the little one's eyes fell to the gravel beneath her shoes.

Blinking her wide bambi eyes, Wren's voice struggled to come out steadily in her reply. "N-nervous," she admitted, carefully adding, "the cupcakes turned out nicely."

"Cupcakes, huh?" Jake smiled, taking the girl's basket from her to ease her load. He debated pulling her over to the bench, not sure if she wanted some time to get herself ready, or if she needed to just get things over with before her anxiety spiraled out of control.

"Mhm," Wren nodded, "lemon c-cake and... buttercream frosting."

"Those sound delicious, sweetheart," Jake reassured her, giving her hand that he still held a light squeeze. "What do you think, chicky? You ready to head in? Ari's gonna wait for us inside this time," he explained, not wanting anything to come as a surprise. "We can go in just the two of us, get our shoes off, that sort of thing. You can have a look around inside- we tried to tidy the place up as best we could," he chuckled lightly, hoping his carefree demeanor might help ease poor thing's relentless worries.

Wide-eyed gaze traveling up the now familiar path to the house, Wren forced down a swallow, nodding. "S-sure, that's alright," she hummed in feeble agreeance. Trying to take her response as a good sign, Jake smiled hopefully as he began to lead the girl in the right direction.

Their walk across the worn gravel footpath was slow, but at least it was something. Jake could sense the internal battle occurring in his friend's mind as she kept her gaze trapped warily on the front porch as they approached, barely willing to blink as if she expected something might jump out at any moment to ambush her. Holding steadily onto her hand, he murmured all the soft words of encouragement he could think of as they made their way, step by step. "Doin' just fine, honey. There's no rush; take your time..." "You're bein' so brave- I'm so proud of you, cutie..." "Look at that, we're almost to the porch! You're doin' so good, sweet thing. Just a little bit further..."

When the pair finally made it to the door, Jake was surprised a bit when Wrenley paused and looked up at him. Eyes wide with the most darling sense of disbelief, her voice swelled a bit as she cooed, "Look Jakey, m-made it!"

Raising his brow in helpless adoration, the blonde-haired man could feel his heart melting in his chest at the sweet girl's excited words. "That's right sweetie, look at how brave you were," he crooned softly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "How're you feelin', buggy? Think you're okay to go inside?"

Appearing to muster up her courage with a deep breath in through her nose, Wren nodded. Raising up ever-so-slightly on the balls of her feet, she peered in through the storm door before her, her expression settling a bit as she took in what she could see of the home's interior. From that point, some of the living room was visible beyond the entryway; it all seemed ordinary-looking enough. "Think I-I can do it," she mumbled softly, her voice small yet laced with a bit of hopefulness.

At that point, it was going better than Jake could have hoped for. Grinning at his friend's response, he nodded, encouraging her, "Go ahead and open up the door then, honey." 

The girl’s hand shook as she raised it to take the door’s handle, twisting as gently as she could to release its latch. Her attentive eyes widened slightly as she breathed in the mild air of the home, seeming to find some small sense of comfort in its scent. Jake simply watched as she gazed forward; after a few moments, he realized she might need a bit more encouragement to keep moving. “C’mon sunshine, watch the step up,” he told her gently as he entered first, still guiding her by the hand. 

Wren seemed to be almost on her tiptoes as she followed her friend in, peering around curiously as he closed the door behind both of them. Jake’s heart broke a little in his chest as he watched her careful movements, recognizing her attempts to make as little noise and fuss as possible. She was the same way in the garden; it was particularly noticeable when the two were first getting to know each other. Over time she was able to loosen up somewhat, but that cautious, tentative nature never seemed to leave her entirely. It seemed like she was worried about taking up too much space, too much time, too much of anything. Seeing this pattern of behavior continue, Jake couldn't help but wonder what or who might have made her feel so guilty for simply existing.

Wren’s eyes scanned the home from left to right as they stood there in the entryway. From the hallway’s entrance, to the living room, over to the kitchen, past the office doors, and finally to Jake, she was able to at least conclude that the stranger she was so nervous to meet was nowhere in sight. Once she had had a chance to survey her surroundings, she seemed to relax ever so slightly. Jake smiled gently at her as her gaze came back over to meet his. “See? You’re safe. Nothing scary,” he hummed.

“Nothing scary,” she repeated. “Y-your house is so pretty, Jakey. So warm- and comfy.”

Jake’s face softened at her words. “Thank you, sweetheart. I’m so glad you think so. Oh- and look who decided to come say hi,” he cooed as a little black figure appeared in the entryway to the hall, letting out a faint meow at the sight of the new guest. 

Wren’s eyes lit up at the sight of the cat, letting out a small gasp as she greeted him politely, “Oh, h-hello Mr. Socks. It’s very nice to meet you.” 

To the pair’s surprise, at the shy girl’s words, the cat came right up to Wren without a second thought. Rubbing his face gently against her legs, he wove himself around her a few times, a warm pur sounding from his chest as he did so. Jake raised his brow at the cat’s unusual behavior. “Oh my, looks like he found his new best friend. He must really like you, honey. He usually won’t go anywhere near strangers.”

Leaning down a bit, Wren offered the creature her hand. He sniffed it for a few moments before giving a signal of approval by pressing his face right up against her fingertips, earning a soft giggle from the girl. As she gave him a few scratches behind his ears, which he leaned into with great pleasure, Jake only grew more amazed at her ability to win the little animal over with such ease. He wasn’t a very social cat, and never before had he been willing to even come close to an unknown visitor. It almost seemed like he felt just as Jake did about Wren; there was something that drew him to her. 

After familiarizing himself with the friendly girl for another few moments, Socks turned and padded off back into the house, disappearing over into the kitchen. Setting down the wicker basket, Jake finally felt safe to let go of Wren's hand, brushing his hair back from his face as he asked, “Well, what d’you say we get our shoes off and head into the kitchen?” Earning a nod to his suggestion, he bent down, taking to unlacing his boots. Wren followed suit, lowering herself to undo the buckles on her Mary Janes. Slipping them off each foot one by one, she carefully set them next to the small bench against the wall before standing back upright. 

In those few moments, a figure had appeared through the glass of one of the study doors. As it opened with a creak, Jake was caught off guard by a frightened yelp coming from his friend as she jumped back in surprise. “Oh, hey-” but his words came too late. As his husband watched from several feet away with a worried look, Wren stood frozen for only a moment before beginning to crumple down into herself, pressed up against the corner between the wall and the bench beside the door. Before either of the men could do anything to stop it, it seemed the situation was dissolving right before their eyes.

“Oh sweetie- okay,” Jake tried, “okay, it’s alright. Here, let’s-” Stepping towards the girl, his heart ached as she ducked behind him, attempting to hide away from the other man who stood over by the office. Wren reached out with shaking hands, which the blonde quickly took into his own. “Hey sweet girl, you’re okay- oh honey,” he frowned as he watched the poor thing collapsing into a state of pure panic. 

“Oh hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-” Ari attempted to apologize, only causing the little one to flinch back harder at the sound of his voice. Cheeks flooding with tears, Wren seemed entirely too terrified to form words. All she could do was cower behind Jake and cry. 

The two men were struggling to handle the situation; it seemed it was yet another instance of poor timing on Ari’s part. Smoothing his hair back in worry, Jake did his best to hold onto his friend, trying to think of a way to bring her back down to a manageable state. During his pause of thought, it didn’t take long for Wren to begin scrambling to find an exit. Eyes darting towards the door, she lunged before Jake could say anything, but he was able to catch her as he stood between her and the handle. She collapsed pathetically against him, the two of them sinking down to their knees as she sobbed into his white t-shirt.

“Wren, sweetheart- hey,” Jake hummed, bringing a hand up to smooth over her hair as his other arm held her up against him. “You gotta breathe for me, bubba. Just breathe, you’re okay,” he tried to best to convince her. As hard as it was to hold her there as she struggled against his embrace, he knew it wouldn’t help any to let her run. It broke his heart to see her so distraught, but he still hoped somehow that there might be some room for trust to be built amidst the profound fear. 

“P-please,” she sniffled, “please… n-n-no…” It was the weakest Jake had ever heard her, her broken words barely distinguishable through her sobs. Taking a brief look back over at Ari, Jake tried his best to not appear helpless as he held the poor girl upright. Sympathy and understanding shone across the doctor's face as he watched the pair, his eyes connecting with his husband’s as they shared a glance of mutual pity. As slowly as he could, Ari took a few steps towards the two, wanting to give Wren all the time she needed in the safety of her trusted friend’s arms before approaching and invading their space. 

“You’re okay, honey. I’m here, Jakey’s here with you,” the younger man crooned, rubbing tender circles across the girl’s back as she cried. “You’re safe, darlin’. I got you, just try and breathe for me, chicky. Big breaths, you’re alright.”

Inching up just a few more feet, Ari paused as he reached the step up from the sunken living room’s carpeted floor to the hardwood of the entryway. Glancing over with the gentlest of expressions, he lowered himself to the ground as well, hoping it might help him appear less intimidating. When she peeked around Jake’s larger form, Wren’s sobs only worsened at the sight of the older man now closer than he was before. As she met his gaze for the first time, Ari was somewhat startled to see how deep the fear ran through her darkened eyes. She wore a look of distrust he had never seen on anyone before, not even the most severely traumatized patients he had encountered back during his practicing years, and that set off loud alarms as to what kind of situation he and Jake could really have on their hands. Hoping to help his partner start easing the poor thing back down, the brunette began to murmur softly, “Hey, shhhh…” The girl’s head ducked at the sound of his voice, her little face tucking back into her friend’s shirt as he continued to rub her back soothingly.

“Wrenley… c’mon, sweet thing,” Jake tried gently, pulling back just far enough to search for her avoidant gaze.

Unwilling to look him in the eyes, Wren shrunk even further at the shoulders, appearing as though she was doing her best to simply melt into the floor and disappear completely. “P-please Jakey,” was all she could choke out once more. 

“‘Please’ what, honey? How can I help, sweetheart?” Jake crooned in response.

“P-please…” Her voice trailed off as she seemed to be searching for the right words, acceptable ones as she tugged on the blonde’s hands pleadingly. “S-so scary, please Jakey…”

“Why’s it scary, bubba? Can you help me understand?” he murmured as he brought a hand up to brush back the little one's hair from her face, earning a weak whimper and wince as she trembled beneath his touch. “Wanna help you, darlin’. Wanna make it feel not so scary, can you tell me more? Let me help you, sweet girl. Just wanna help."

Bottom lip wobbling as the man did his best to coax more information out of her, Wren snuck another glance over at Ari before finally bringing her teary gaze up to meet the blonde’s. Jake could hardly handle seeing the distress overflowing from the girl’s baby blues; it took everything in him not to wrap her up safe in his arms and give in to her every broken plea. “S-so scary,” she repeated, earning an understanding nod from Jake as he encouraged her with his eyes to say more, “s-scary… gonna… please, he’s… s’gonna hurt so b-bad, Jakey.”

Both of the men's hearts dropped to the pits of their stomachs at the poor thing's admission of her true fears. With the wind nearly knocked out of him, Jake found himself having to fight off his own tears as his friend's words processed in his mind. Furrowing his brow, he smoothed the girl's hair back once more as he dared to stare her straight in the face. His voice came out weakly, "Wrenley, honey..." It was almost unbearable to look at her, those big, scared eyes filled with such a haunting sense of desperation and need. In that moment, Jake could run from it no further; he had no choice but to accept that someone had hurt his sweet little bird enough to make her this way.

From his safe several feet back, Ari was just as devastated at the progression of Wren's episode as his husband. Though of course he had the instinctual urge to give the poor girl all the comfort he could fathom, he knew that he needed to wait and let her seek it from where she was already comfortable. It was more than difficult; he was a softhearted, nurturing man in nature. But he knew his premature intervention would likely only make things worse, and so as much as it pained him, he simply rested his weight back as he knelt there, sharing a sorrowful yet confirming glance with Jake when he looked over.

"Sweet girl..." the younger man cooed, his voice low as he tried to find somewhere to begin his reasoning. "What d'you mean, 'hurt?' No one's gonna hurt you, cutie. You're safe- I promise you're safe here, sweetie."

Eyes falling back to the floor, Wren withered as she searched for words to explain herself, seeming wary of both the men's expressions of shock and alarm. "Just..." Wearing a heartbreaking look of something close to shame, she continued, "b-big. Strong, if he... gonna... j-just..."

Feeling guilty as his friend struggled to communicate her worries, Jake nodded gently. He could somewhat understand what she meant; Ari was, after all, about as close to a real-life giant as a man could get. With whatever sort of fight-or-flight she was being thrown into at the mere presence of an unknown person, the same kind of trauma response she had collapsed into when first meeting Jake, it made sense that the older man was presenting a much greater challenge than he had, himself. "I know, honey. I know it's so hard," the blonde murmured, "but I promise you, Ari would never do anything to hurt you. If he tried, I wouldn't let him- but he just wouldn't, chicky. He really, really wouldn't. No one's gonna hurt you here, Wrenley. In this house, with me and Ari, you're safe. You're always gonna be safe, sweetheart." With one of his hands wrapped around her smaller one, he gently linked their pinkies, giving a light squeeze to seal his promise.

Thinking it might be an okay time to try and start providing some reassuring words of his own, Ari nodded sincerely at his husband's words. "Wrenley? Honey, can you listen to me?" he hummed softly, trying not to deflate as the girl's tears once again worsened at his interruption. She tucked herself away into Jake's arms at the stranger's words, prompting the younger man to begin rubbing her back once more as she shook and wept helplessly. "Jake's right, sweetheart. I'm not gonna hurt you; I would never. You're such a special girl- you're Jake's best friend. Did you know that?"

Remaining hidden in the safety of her friend's arms, Wren managed a sniffle, unable to give a response to the man's attempts. Hoping her maintained state might be a better sign than coming undone any further, Ari decided to continue. "You've been such a big help in the garden, and we're always so delighted by the treats you bring us. You're the best baker I've ever met; I'm sure Jake feels the same way."

"Sure do," the blonde added encouragingly as he rocked the small girl in his arms. "Maybe sometime we can have you over to bake; we've got a big kitchen with plenty of space, and Ari got me some new kitchenware for Christmas. You can show us whatever magic it is that makes your goodies so yummy."

"That would be so fun," Ari nodded in agreement, trying to smile through his sadness in hopes of lifting the poor thing's sunken spirits. "You know all those little cards you made? The ones you put on your baggies with the pretty ribbons- the ones that said 'Mr. Ari?'" That seemed to catch Wren's attention as she lifted her head up just the tiniest bit, though she still stayed wrapped up in the safety of Jake's embrace. It was a small, subtle movement, but it was enough; seeing her respond in even just the slightest way to his efforts filled Ari with hopefulness that he might finally be getting somewhere. "I keep them all in a little stack on my desk," the man revealed gently, adding, "Every time I see them, I think about you and how special you are to Jakey, and to me. I could never hurt you, angel. You're too important to us; we care so much about you."

"So much, buggy. Ari's right; you're our special girl," Jake cooed. Praying he wasn't just imagining it, he could almost feel the little one starting to relax the slightest bit in his arms. He hoped more than anything that their soothing words were getting through to her; both of them did.

Softening his expression as much as he could, Ari was similarly picking up on small signs of progress. With faint optimism present in his voice, he asked, "Sweetheart? Do you think you could try and look at me?" It broke his heart to receive a doubtful whimper from the small girl, though he just hummed mildly, "I know, honey. I know it's hard, but you're bein' so brave- you know that? Jakey and I are so proud of you," he commended. "You made it all the way in; I know that must've been so difficult, and now you're stayin' here with us; you're doin' so well, angel. So, so well."

As the doctor crooned his praises, it was visible to both him and his partner that his efforts were slowly but surely working. Now more than anything, Wren was simply slumped against Jake, no longer trying to run. Bringing his hand up to stroke softly over her light golden hair, Jake continued his rocking motions, the feeling of her small body wrapped in his filling his heart with such a sense of pride and love.

"There you go, sweet girl," Ari murmured, the sight before him now seeming a million times more manageable than it was even just a few minutes ago. "You're okay, Wrenley. You're safe, see?" Softening his voice even further, he dared to ask again, "Do you think you could looking over here, honey? You did it before, remember? Just wanna show you nothing bad will happen, darlin'. Wanna show you it's safe, d'you think we could just give it a try?"

Keeping his movements as subtle as he could, Jake shifted their positioning to make it easier for the girl to look over at the man if she chose. There was a period of silent pause, both of them eagerly holding their breath as they waited to see what the little one might do. And to both of their amazement, after gathering up all the courage she could into her tiny trembling frame, Wrenley finally lifted her head up ever so slightly to gaze bashfully over at Ari through a fresh veil of tears.

As her deep blue eyes met his own, the man thought he had never felt so touched by another human being in his life. It wasn't the kind of affection he had for Jake; it was something completely different and new. It was the way a person might look at a newborn fawn when seeing one for the first time. There was such a profound feeling of tenderness, along with a heaviness to the situation that couldn't be ignored. As he knelt there, face-to-face with the girl at last, there was an unmistakable sense that he was cradling her entire fragile world in his hands. Her vulnerability shone through her eyes; she had let him in the door. There was no turning back. And in that moment, all Ari wanted to do was prove to her that he would do just as Jake had done, that he would protect her heart and treat it with the care it deserved.

Relief and compassion washed over his face as he gave her his softest smile, humming, "Hi there, pretty girl. See? Completely safe." Resting his hands on his knees, his heart all but melted as she gave him the teeniest of nods as Jake rubbed her back again proudly, mumbling sweet words of praise in her ear.

Catching notice of the little yellow head poking out of the girl's dress pocket, Ari's smile widened as he asked, "Is that your ducky, sweetheart? Jakey's told me all about him- I've heard he's quite the little gardener, just like you. Does he help you bake, too?" He didn't mind in the slightest if to any outsider it might seem silly; he was more than happy to treat the stuffed animal like a living being if it might help his new friend feel more at ease.

Surprising the couple once more with her bravery, Wren offered a mild nod. "I didn't know he likes to bake," Jake played along, glancing lovingly down at the little figure. "You'll have to come to our baking day, Ducky! It'll be a party in the kitchen!"

"It's very nice to meet you, Ducky," Ari hummed adoringly, giving plushie a gentle wave. In a moment the men both found all too precious, Wren's little fingers came up to find one of the duck's wings, having him give a wave back to the doctor.

Jake finally felt safe enough to relax in his embrace of the girl, turning to shoot Ari a triumphant smile. The older man smiled back softly; there was an incredible sense of calm that washed over the three friends as they sat there in the entryway of the home, seemingly past the worst of the group effort. Resting the side of her little head against Jake's chest, Wren continued to look over at his husband, the storminess in her eyes receding at last.

"You wanna tell Ari what you brought?" the boy asked his friend gently, earning an intrigued look from the brown-haired man as he nodded encouragingly. "She made 'em special, just for you," the blonde gushed as he motioned towards the basket with his head. "She knows you love lemon."

"I do; that's my favorite," Ari murmured with a smile.

Blinking sheepishly, Wren's voice was as soft as ever as she told him, "M-made cupcakes, sir. Lemon cake a-and... and buttercream frosting; it's my Nana's special recipe." Ari hummed approvingly, finding her mildly old-fashioned manners to be rather endearing; she was just too sweet, exactly as Jake had described her.

"That sounds so special, darlin'. We've got plates and drinks in the kitchen- what d'you say we go give them a try? I can't wait to finally give my compliments directly to the baker." After pausing to look up at Jake, who gave her a reassuring nod, Wren nodded at the suggestion. "Perfect. Here, I'll show you the way."

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