#The Indie Informer Plays

[theindieinformer]

The Indie Informer Secret Stream: Life Eater, Sky: Children Of The Light, Munch, And Felvidek

Sure, kidnapping and ritual murder don't sound noble. But I'm pretty sure I'm saving the world in Life Eater.

Intentions I start my stream with the best of intentions. Sure, kidnapping people and carrying out ritual murder doesn’t initially sound noble. But I’m pretty sure I’m saving the world in Life Eater. To tip the scales even more in my favor, I jump into Sky: Children of the Light to spread hope through a disconnected world, help usher in the Gods of Metal in Munch, and take on cultists in…

[robindaydream]

I did that thing people are doing.

[roger-paladino]

Feeling so normal about Roger before I passed out I started writing a full timeline for his life

[prokopetz]

I think a lot of folks in indie RPG spaces misunderstand what's going on when people who've only ever played Dungeons & Dragons claim that indie RPGs are categorically "too complicated". Yes, it's sometimes the case that they're making the unjustified assumption that all games are as complicated as Dungeons & Dragons and shying away from the possibility of having to brave a steep learning cure a second time, but that's not the whole picture.

A big part of it is that there's a substantial chunk of the D&D fandom – not a majority by any means, but certainly a very significant minority – who are into D&D because they like its vibes or they enjoy its default setting or whatever, but they have no interest in actually playing the kind of game that D&D is... so they don't.

Oh, they'll show up at your table, and if you're very lucky they might even provide their own character sheet (though whether it adheres to the character creation guidelines is anyone's guess!), but their actual engagement with the process of play consists of dicking around until the GM tells them to roll some dice, then reporting what number they rolled and letting the GM figure out what that means.

Basically, they're putting the GM in the position of acting as their personal assistant, onto whom they can offload any parts of the process of play that they're not interested in – and for some players, that's essentially everything except the physical act of rolling the dice, made possible by the fact most of D&D's mechanics are either GM-facing or amenable to being treated as such.*

Now, let's take this player and present them with a game whose design is informed by a culture of play where mechanics are strongly player facing, often to the extent that the GM doesn't need to familiarise themselves with the players' character sheets and never rolls any dice, and... well, you can see where the wires get crossed, right?

And the worst part is that it's not these players' fault – not really. Heck, it's not even a problem with D&D as a system. The problem is D&D's marketing-decreed position as a universal entry-level game means that neither the text nor the culture of play are ever allowed to admit that it might be a bad fit for any player, so total disengagement from the processes of play has to be framed as a personal preference and not a sign of basic incompatibility between the kind of game a player wants to be playing and the kind of game they're actually playing.

(Of course, from the GM's perspective, having even one player who expects you to do all the work represents a huge increase to the GM's workload, let alone a whole group full of them – but we can't admit that, either, so we're left with a culture of play whose received wisdom holds that it's just normal for GMs to be constantly riding the ragged edge of creative burnout. Fun!)

* Which, to be clear, is not a flaw in itself; a rules-heavy game ideally needs a mechanism for introducing its processes of play gradually.

[theveryworstthing]

Gloria and Phoebe!

i missed goblin week this year due to Situations but every week is goblin week so whatever.

Gloria, Dame of Daylight, is the titular host of of the spooky late day show Beam Dreams, which has a huge cult following among non-human and mostly nocturnal horror fans. she started the show 20 years ago after growing bored of playing the same role over and over in human-led productions and posing for monster girl pin-up gigs. she used the money from her former jobs to buy equipment, hire some buddies, and start her own campy public access show highlighting a few of her favorite monster-led indie horror films. these days she's going grey (well, greyer) and gravity is Happening which make her already racy costumes more of a gamble, but the show still holds the ghoulish charm that made it a success. 

Gloria leans more comedienne than dark and broody despite the media she platforms and she always has a witty observation or subtle joke at the ready. she also has a soft spot for physical comedy and will casually pull an item out of her hair or cleavage unprompted. she doesn't critique any of the work that makes it onto the show unless specifically asked to, but those segments are always fan favorites since they're always equal parts sincere, insightful, and cheeky. she's a real Character. 

Phoebe has much more humble origins. as a mostly mellow music nerd, she currently owns the record shop across from the Beam Dreams studio and lends her expertise to help with segments spotlighting up and coming musicians who fit the vibe of the show. she's found a lot of weird little bands for Gloria, and the current program wouldn't be the same without her. 

even though she makes an effort to stay out of the spotlight as much as possible, it's common knowledge that she's one of Gloria's close friends, which is good for business and also very annoying sometimes. over the years she's had to train herself to spot red flag Beam fans trying to cozy up to her for information or access to Gloria and now she's real mean about it when it happens. 

[felicity0222]

This might be a hot take but I get the impression that Williams might have made Logan sign an NDA because we haven’t heard a word from him after his statement on his app got deleted, and yes we’ve seen him but we haven’t heard anything from him himself and I love Kyle but he is playing the middle man for all the information that we have gotten on Logan’s future plans so far, like when a reporter could easily walk up to Logan in the Indy paddock and asked Logan questions but they haven’t. So I have a feeling when Williams fired Logan they made him sign an NDA until the end of the season so there pr does not take any more hits.

[qiu-yan]

zhancheng to me is like this:

imagine a scenario in which jiang cheng actually does know quite a lot about lan wangji's tastes: his favorite and least favorite tea flavors, snacks, food, books, music, authors and artists, and so on.....except jiang cheng specifically sought out this information during the 13 year timeskip to make lan wangji miserable.

maybe lan wangji is just publicly A Bitch to him one too many times and jiang cheng finally decides he's had enough. so, for the next few months, jiang cheng spends an inordinate amount of time gradually sussing out everything he can learn about lan wangji's tastes. what kind of tea does he like? what kind of tea does he despise? which authors does he always read? what temperature does he prefer his room to be? what new trends in music does he find completely unbearable? when he passes through a region whose cuisine he hates, which restaurants does he find slightly less intolerable?

and then, the next time there's a discussion conference at lotus pier, jiang cheng weaponizes this knowledge. actually, the next time there's a public event anywhere wherein both jiang cheng and lan wangji are in attendance, jiang cheng weaponizes the fuck out of this knowledge. he makes sure that the tea lan wangji hates the most is served to everyone. he has his disciples buy all the local snacks he knows lan wangji has a preference for, just so lan wangji can't have any. he makes sure lan wangji's room and bed are heated to the exact temperature lan wangji finds just too hot to be comfortable. whenever lan wangji's favorite obscure author releases a new work that gusu lan doesn't think is cultivation-related enough to include in their library, jiang cheng has a bunch of his disciples swoop in and buy as many copies as possible, just so that it takes lan wangji a bit longer to get his hands on a volume. jiang cheng "leaks" to a few minor sect leaders the idea that lan wangji actually does like spicy food, and said minor sect leaders actually believe that information for a full year of hosted visits and public events.

this continues for all 13 years of the timeskip. of course, jiang cheng isn't outstandingly successful in actually making lan wangji miserable, because there are limits to what jiang cheng can actually achieve and what he's actually willing to spend enough time on; realistically, all he's accomplishing is causing lan wangji some minor irritations once in a while. but it's enough for jiang cheng to know that, every time lan wangji has to pass through yunmeng, he's absolutely miserable because jiang cheng has persuaded/paid every musician in the area to play the one song lan wangji hates the most.

jin guangyao, of course, figures out what's going on immediately. but even loyalty to lan xichen isn't going to make him sacrifice potentially useful dirt by putting a stop to jiang cheng's asshole behavior himself, so instead he just decides to watch and wait. he also just finds it really funny. meanwhile, lan wangji, for all 13 of these years, never figures out what's going on. he never figures out why he can't ever find the lanling-style osmanthus cakes he hates slightly less than the rest of lanling cuisine whenever he passes through the area and runs into disciples from yunmeng jiang. when his favorite obscure author releases a new book, he gets in line at the indie bookstore in qinghe he went out of his way to visit, and just doesn't question why everyone in front of him is wearing purple.

postcanon, though....now lan wangji has one hell of a source of insider information (wei wuxian), so the turns are about to get fucking tabled.

[tyonfs]

stargirl interlude

PAIRING ▸ na jaemin x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ smut, influencer au, strangers to lovers

WARNINGS ▸ profanity, mc and her friends are a little shallow, tbh i wrote this because of jaemin’s tits, dirty talk, sexual content, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap), kitchen sex, oral (m. receiving), oral (f. receiving), lowkey dumbification, body worship, ft. one night stand with jeno 

SUMMARY ▸ and i shouldn't cry, but I love it, starboy / i just wanna see you shine 'cause i know you are a stargirl

PLAYLIST ▸ stargirl interlude by the weeknd, lana del rey • alien superstar by beyoncé

WORD COUNT ▸ 5.9k words

TAG LIST ▸ @leeknowsredeyeliner​ @geniejunn​ @sehunniepot​ @jjaeyoonoh​ @subhyuck​ @jenoluuvvs​ @jaemboi64​ @otchae​ @n0hyuck​ @hyuckinx​ @domhyuckie​ @justhereforimagines​ @daegalfangirl​ @soobin-chois​ @lmkworld​ @baekhyuns-lipchain​ @its-taeil-time​ @produmads​ @kaislinging-slasher01​ @neomorning​ @learnthisfeeling​ @glitching-wren​ @carelessshootanonymous​ @thiccfullsun​  

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ jaemin is finally not an asshole. everybody say congrats jaemin.

THE WALK OF SHAME.

The distance from Lee Jeno’s apartment to yours was approximately 0.6 miles. If you walked fast enough, it would take you around ten minutes to get back home. Meaning, that was ten minutes spent doing the Walk of Shame at nearly three in the morning.

Of course, the whole point of being an e-girl was to keep up an unattainable internet persona. You wanted to be a star, and what better way than to weaponize your good looks? Your entire brand was posting revealing pictures of yourself on Instagram and Twitter, maintaining a “gamer girl” image. Sort of like Belle Delphine, but you hadn’t stooped low enough to start selling your bathwater to strangers on the internet. You were a lone flower on the edge of a cliff—so high up that no one could reach for your stem.

Except Jeno, apparently, after you caved and met him in person tonight.

You and Jeno followed each other on Twitter a few months ago. Despite attending the same college, you two hadn’t ever met in person before. He was a popular YouTuber, so there had been rumors flying around about his sudden interactions with you. Your influencer friends were trying to grill you for more information, but you sincerely had no idea where Jeno’s sudden interest in you came from. After you posted a picture of you in pink lace lingerie complete with Hello Kitty clips and pigtails, Jeno had finally slid into your DMs.

jeno: i’d rather spend the night with you

(In response to the caption on your post: spend the day with me?)

As one would expect, things escalated from there. Jeno was hot, you were horny, and he conveniently lived 0.6 miles away from you.

In short, you got good dick. Jeno started with one hand wrapped around your neck and the other snaking its way between your legs. You were satisfied, especially because the streamer didn’t try to dap you up after railing you on his gaming chair, the wall, and then his bed. You two made some small talk afterward, and then you headed home. Prince Charming could not be fucked to give you a generous ride back to your apartment.

You pulled out your phone to look at your face in the camera app. As expected, you were a mess, but you touched up your lipstick and blush with the few makeup products you stuffed in your purse. Then, you called your best friend, Lee Donghyuck, who had been flooding your friend group’s group chat with messages for the past hour.

“Dude,” you started as soon as he picked up. Donghyuck was in the middle of taking his headphones off to put his AirPods in, running a hand through his tousled hair. “Jeno walked me to the door and made me walk home by myself.”

“No fucking way.” Donghyuck laughed. “That’s what you get for hooking up with a guy who plays Val.”

Ah, yes. Featured on Jeno’s YouTube: streams of Valorant, League of Legends, and Overwatch. There were the occasional indie games he was requested to play, too. The only one you semi-watched and commented on was Little Nightmares.

“The dick was incredible,” you told your best friend, “but he’s not cuffing material.”

“Not like you care about cuffing anyone.”

“Yes, I do!” you objected. “I’m boyfriend-hunting, Hyuck. Think about how much attention I’d get if I started dating a hotshot influencer.”

“You should date Mark Lee, then. Everyone’s thirsting over those e-boy TikTokers now. Or maybe Liu YangYang. Heard his body count’s high as fuck.”

You rolled your eyes. “His body count’s high because no one goes back a second time. Plus, I think YangYang’s finally in the talking stage with someone.”

“Good for him.” Donghyuck yawned. “Anyway, I’m going to bed soon since I finished editing my Maldives vlog. I’m still pissed you didn’t come with us.”

You rolled your eyes. Donghyuck, Yoo Jimin, Choi Beomgyu, and Uchinaga Aeri had been giving you shit for backing out on the trip the five of you had been discussing for a few months. There were just too many things going on in your life at the time, so you told them you wouldn’t be able to make it before tickets were purchased. Of course, your absence made several of your followers question if your friend group had a falling out, but you all decided not to address pointless rumors.

“I’ll come along next time when I’m not broke,” you assured. “I’m at my apartment now, so I’ll talk to you later. Bye-bye, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck threw up a peace sign before hanging up. You tucked your phone in your back pocket as you tried to fish out your key card from your purse.

However, there was a problem: it was missing.

“Fuck,” you muttered to yourself, sitting down at one of the benches outside to dig through your purse. You swore you hadn’t taken it out, so it definitely wasn’t at Jeno’s place. The only possible explanation was that you dropped it on the way or left it inside your apartment.

Screw these auto-locking doors.

You were royally screwed.

Fast-forward to twenty minutes later. You were still sitting at the same bench. This time, your head was in your hands and you were shivering like a chihuahua. It was dark, save for the flickering streetlight above you. You had even resorted to texting Jeno, asking him if you could go back to his place and spend the night. It was downright embarrassing, but it was your last resort. Jeno, however, seemed to have been asleep due to his lack of response.

A guardian angel was sent your way, though, in the form of a cute but tired-looking college student with a bag of groceries in hand. Kind eyes, but he looked far too exhausted to smile genuinely.

“Do you need to be let in?” the boy asked, gesturing toward the apartment entrance. He had his key card in hand, and you nearly jumped to your feet.

“Uh, yeah, but…” you trailed off. Even if you accepted his offer, you wouldn’t be able to get into your own room.

He handed you his brown Essentials hoodie he had draped around across his shoulders. “Cold?”

You wondered if your shivering or hard nipples gave it away. Surely, it had to be your nipples showing through the skimpy one-piece you had on. You never would have dressed like this if you knew Jeno was going to make you walk home yourself.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, taking the hoodie from him and slipping it on. It fell past your thigh and smelled good—a non-offending mix of pine and detergent. “Uh, but even if you let me in, I can’t get into my room. I lost my key.”

“Oh.”

You folded your arms across your chest. The boy beside you ruffled his fluffy brown hair, and you were wondering why he hadn’t gone inside the building yet. Maybe he was waiting for you to find some other place to go, or maybe he wanted his hoodie back.

“Have you tried asking the RA?” he asked.

“I can only get a card replacement in the morning.”

“Can your roommate open the door?”

“Don’t have one.”

“Got a friend who’ll let you stay at their place?”

“Asleep.”

“Significant other?”

“I’m single and my dick appointment made me walk home alone.”

You didn’t realize how bitter you sounded until you saw the shocked look drawn across the boy’s face. You felt sorry for dumping that on him, but you were getting way too frustrated about your lack of options. You didn’t even have a roommate you could call for help since you opted for a single.

He cleared his throat before shyly offering, “Uh… I guess you could stay at my place for the night, if you want. I can sleep on the couch.”

Your cheeks heated up. You were no stranger to random kindness from men, but perhaps you were just grateful for his proposition since you were running low on options.

“That’d be great,” you said. “Thanks.”

You followed the boy into the apartment building. He introduced himself as Na Jaemin, an animal science major in your same year who was president of a club that raised guide dogs for blind people. It was comforting to hear, so your anxiousness over this stranger luring you in to murder you in cold blood was slowly letting up.

He unlocked the door for you, letting you into his apartment first. You looked around to see a quite ordinary looking living space with a few posters and polaroids hung up on the walls. There was a border collie curled up in a dog bed in the corner of the living room, and Jaemin was being extra careful to make sure he didn’t accidentally wake him up.

He set the plastic bag down, which you found out was dog food that he picked up from a friend. It definitely made a lot more sense than him shopping for groceries at three in the morning.

“You live alone?” you asked for the sake of making small talk.

“My roommate graduated a semester early,” he replied. “I’ve been living on my own, just like you.”

“Doesn’t it get lonely?”

He turned the question back to you, asking, “Do you get lonely?”

You shrugged as you sat down on his couch, sitting stiffly at the edge of the cushion. “When you get so much attention online, you kind of need the privacy.”

“Oh, I see.”

No more questions asked.

Jaemin retreated into his room for a moment before returning with a pillow and blanket in hand. He tossed them beside you on the couch and met your gaze.

“Bed’s ready for you whenever,” he said. “The bathroom’s inside my room, if you need to use the shower or anything. Let me know if you need any clothes to sleep in.”

Your face was heating up like a furnace, but you were glad he couldn’t see how his words were affecting you. You flushed with embarrassment when you noticed Jaemin’s eyes flicker past your neck. He probably thought his gaze went undetected, but you noticed. Suddenly, all you wanted to do was pull his hoodie high enough so that the hood hid the hickies Jeno left across your skin.

“I can just use your hoodie,” you replied. “Thanks.”

Jaemin managed a small, tired smile. You took that as your cue to get out of the living room so that he could pass out in peace. So, you headed into his bedroom and stared at his tidy bed, wondering if he had frantically fixed his sheets for you.

Since you already felt like you had asked for too much, you decided to skip your nightly shower and head straight to bed. It was hard to sleep in a stranger’s bed, though—no matter how pretty he was.

You were used to kindness. It normally came in a package deal with being attractive. Bees flocked to honey; humans flocked to beauty.

This feeling, however, wasn’t something you were used to. Genuine kindness with no ulterior motive was almost foreign, which was upsetting to admit. You weren’t sure how to sort out your feelings, but all you knew was that Jaemin’s eyes had stars in them, and you were tempted to lose yourself in them.

You woke up to an empty house.

Even the dog had abandoned you.

To be fair, you weren’t exactly an early bird. You woke up at around 10:30 a.m. naturally, and then spent an extra thirty minutes trying to muster up the willpower to get out of bed. Of course, you spent that time updating your group chat on your whereabouts.

gigi: 15k isn’t that insane?

gyu: holy shit gyu: you have to do it

karibear: gigi i will literally kill you and then resurrect you to kill you again if you don’t

gigi: check out the deliverables tho gigi: [File Attachment]

hyuck: instagram story highlight? the fuck? hyuck: a tiktok should be enough. more people check tiktok than ig now anyways lol

gigi: right???

karibear: OK BUT FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS

y/n: just caught up. I think you should do it for the $$ gigi

gigi: GIRL where have u been

gyu: i told you she probably overslept

gigi: BUT I SEE HER LOCATION ON FINDMYFRIENDS gigi: SHE IS NOT HOME

y/n: i may or may not be in a cute guy’s apartment

karibear: shut the fuck up

y/n: stop he’s REALLY cute y/n: dare i say cuter than jeno

hyuck: stfu ur kidding

gyu: well?? did you sleep with him? gyu: give us all the details

y/n: no i couldn’t find my key after coming back from jeno’s and was locked out of my apartment y/n: so this “na jaemin” appears and lets me sleep over at his place for the night  y/n: he took the couch AND let me sleep on his bed y/n: jeno could never

gyu: aww that’s actually rlly sweet

gigi: can’t find him on ig ://

karibear: no social media presence?? karibear: idk if that’s hot or a red flag

hyuck: probably both 💀

y/n: um good thing red’s my favorite color

karibear: omfg karibear: do u actually wanna fuck him karibear: send us a picture of what he looks like

y/n: idk if he’s even interested in me like that y/n: but idk i also want my internet famous trophy boyfriend :( y/n: idk if this guy even has a social media presence  y/n: still a starboy in my heart tho <3

hyuck: keep your eye on the prize bbyg hyuck: fame is fleeting so milk it while you can

You figured Donghyuck had a point. You were an internet celebrity (to some extent), so, in terms of marketing, it would be wise to push the “unattainable” image you cemented. Dating someone equally as unattainable would make you look even more desirable.

However, you were starting to lose all rhyme and reason when you walked out of the bedroom to see a plate of eggs and toast waiting for you on the kitchen counter.

A post-it note was right next to it, reading: I’m out walking the dog. I made you some breakfast if you’re hungry but you don’t have to eat it. Door auto locks so just make sure you close it whenever you leave. Here’s my phone number if you need anything. +82 x-xxxx-xxxx - Jaemin

You decided to update your group chat.

y/n: change of plans y/n: i’m making starboy mine

When Jaemin returned home shortly after you discovered his note, you were sitting on his couch, knees tucked to your chest as you forked down the waffles he made. Before you even looked up to greet him, you heard his dog yapping excitedly, hurrying over to sniff you.

“Oh, you’re still here.” He looked genuinely surprised, though he didn’t object. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, really well,” you admitted. Curious, you tilted your head and let your lips curl into a knowing smile. “Are you high?”

Jaemin stiffened up. “Uh, a little. Is it that obvious?”

“I just noticed your eyes look sort of dazed.”

You hadn’t expected it, but he almost sounded embarrassed to be caught. “I’m not like a… a full-on stoner or anything.”

“Hey, no judgment,” you replied, holding up your hands in surrender. “I was just gonna ask if I could get high with you, too.”

After visibly relaxing, a more confident grin dawned on Jaemin’s face as he handed you his pen. You couldn’t help but feel smug as you accepted it gingerly.

About a couple hours later, you and Jaemin were blazed out of your minds. He had offered you an edible shortly after you took a hit from his pen, and it kicked in an hour later for you and Jaemin. There were no words exchanged for a while, but then you two started to converse, although you couldn’t trust that anything you were saying made sense.

You weren’t big on flirting. It was a skill you only put to use when absolutely needed, and this was one of those instances. You figured this was the perfect opportunity to get close to Jaemin. Even though you could tell he was a really, really great guy, and you didn’t want to rush things with Jaemin, there were a few factors that were making you throw your morals to the wind.

For one, you were high and getting incredibly horny.

The other factor was that Jaemin was the hottest man you had ever seen (and you had encountered a lot of attractive men).

“So,” he started, “you’re, like, an internet celebrity? Like a TikToker?”

“I started on Twitter,” you explained, “but, yeah, I’m famous on TikTok, too. But there’s a good chance you’ve never heard of me.”

“Really? Why?”

“I’m known for more, uh”—you let out a nervous giggle—“risqué stuff, if you wanna see.” When he nodded eagerly, you took out your phone and opened Twitter to show Jaemin your account. Right off the bat, there was a mirror selfie of you in lingerie and cat ears. Because you were feeling bold, you added, “And the guy who made me walk home alone? He’s a famous YouTuber named Jeno.”

Something seemed to click for Jaemin when you mentioned Jeno’s name because it was the only thing that snapped him out of whatever trance he was in. He had been looking at the photo of you so intently that you were wondering if he was checking you out or spacing out.

“I think I’ve watched some of his gaming videos,” he said before handing your phone back to you. “He just… kicked you out?”

“Pretty much. At least he made me cum once.”

“Just once?”

You held your breath for a moment. With those two words, Jaemin made the atmosphere all the more tense, and you felt like you two were suspended in time. Although you weren’t sure if he said that to challenge Jeno or not, there was still a strange implication in his words. It left you wondering if Jaemin could treat you better.

“Yeah,” you replied in a quieter voice. “Just once. With my help, too.”

“That’s fucked.” Jaemin reached for his pen to take a long, slow drag. He held it in his lungs for a moment before he parted his lips to blow the smoke out. “And you dressed up so pretty for him.”

Either Jaemin was a secret dark horse when it came to smooth talking or the weed was making him horny, too. Whatever it was, his comments made your cheeks burn.

“I bet he’d be pissed if he found out I ended up in your bed after.”

The animal science major flushed at your words, growing even more shy when you giggled at his reaction. “I mean, I guess so, but we didn’t, like… I mean, we—”

“I was kidding,” you assured. “Don’t worry. I wouldn’t say that unless something actually happened.”

Jaemin nodded quietly, falling back into silence for a while. You were worried that you had made the conversation awkward, so you sunk back against the couch and willed yourself to come down from your high. Maybe the weed was a bad idea. Maybe you were just getting ahead of—

“So, you wouldn’t be opposed if something were to happen?”

The question took you off-guard, and you had to process Jaemin’s words for a few moments before you sat up to look at him. There was no shame or shyness drawn across his face this time. Just pure curiosity. (And perhaps a hint of longing which was most likely brought on by the weed.)

You shook your head with a hum. “No, I wouldn’t be opposed.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I think you’re cute. You seem really sweet, too, like letting me sleep over and making me breakfast.”

Jaemin smiled brightly, beaming ear to ear before he ducked his head shyly. You were surprised that he was so sheepish given his godsent looks. He had to have heard these compliments about a million times now. There was no way you were the first person to recognize his looks.

“I’m not good at this,” he admitted.

“Good at what?”

“Um, hitting on girls,” Jaemin said. His hand flew to rub the back of his neck as he added, “Cute girls.” After another beat, he let his head hang and then let out a groan. “Sorry, I don’t have a filter when I’m high.”

“Jaemin,” you cooed, scooting close enough so that your knees were touching. You placed your hand on his thigh, which made him finally look you in the eyes. “I’m pretty bad at flirting, too, so I hope this is working.”

The corner of his lip hitched up, amused. “Yeah,” Jaemin murmured, his eyes unfocusing as he leaned in close, “it’s definitely working.”

Your nose brushed against his experimentally before Jaemin pressed his lips to yours. It was gentle and innocent, but then Jaemin turned his body to face yours, and his hands started roaming your body. Your waist, your back, your hips—not an inch was neglected while he felt you up. You let slip a hum of delight, and that encouraged Jaemin to slip his tongue past your lips.

He didn’t use too much tongue, which you appreciated. There was something too sloppy about guys who used too much tongue, but Jaemin had an excellent balance between precise and hasty. And he did this thing where he would pause to suck on your tongue and then your bottom lip, which you really appreciated.

You let a whine slip, and Jaemin gripped your waist tighter. You figured he wanted you on his lap, so you threw one leg over his thigh and straddled him. It was like you were in a trance with how receptive you were, and you only wanted more when Jaemin pulled away to kiss down your neck. After minutes of nipping, sucking, and relishing your whimpers, he was satisfied with the bruises littered across your skin.

Jaemin seemed frustrated by how big his hoodie was on you, so he tugged at it until you pulled it up and over your head. After discarding it to the side, his lips found yours immediately after. The pads of his fingers slipped past the hem of your shirt to dig into your skin, pulling you flush against his body.

You were sure you could kiss him for hours, but your attention was slipping away when you felt his boner underneath you. The very least you could do was offer to help him out.

You pulled away to catch your breath, and your voice was no louder than a breath when you offered, “Let me suck you off.”

Jaemin blushed a little, and you bit back a smile because how could someone be so forward and cute? He was not innocent in the slightest, but he somehow got flustered so easily.

His voice came out strangled when he said, “Please.”

You carefully peeled off Jaemin’s shirt, admiring his muscles as you revealed his bare skin. He had to work out regularly to get a build this good, but you didn’t expect him to be this ripped. It was almost second nature when you started kissing down his chest, smiling when you heard his happy sigh.

When your kisses reached his stomach, you started tugging at the band of his sweatpants. Jaemin carded his fingers through your hair to keep you where he wanted to, and you were pretty sure all his blood was rushing to his cock with how much bigger he got. You tugged his sweatpants down to his knees and kissed up his strong thigh, looking up at him through your lashes. You wanted Jaemin to know just how drunk you were on his body.

Jaemin helped you tug down his boxers, too, and you swallowed hard when you saw how huge he was. His cock sprung up, and you were almost worried that you wouldn’t be able to take all of him in. While you were tying up your hair, Jaemin gave his shaft a few pumps, rubbing his thumb across the precum that beaded his slit.

A few strands of your hair got in your face, so Jaemin brushed them back and held your hair in his fist, undoing your ponytail so that he could tie back your hair properly. He looked down at you expectantly, cradling your jaw while you were mentally preparing yourself to take him. You flattened your tongue and ran it along the side of his cock, licking right where his vein was. Jaemin let out a groan almost instantly, and you looked up to see his eyes burning molten hot with desire.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he growled, gripping the back of your head.

His cock was throbbing, aching for you to take more of him in. So you slid your tongue over his head before hollowing your cheeks to suck him in. Jaemin gritted his teeth and tilted his head back, muttering some profanity that only encouraged you further.

You went slow at first, drawing out each bob of your head so that you got used to his size. You couldn’t go all the way down on him without his head hitting the back of your throat, making you gag a little before you started to properly take him down your throat. Jaemin started thrusting his hips into your mouth, urging you to go faster. You weren’t sure if that meant he was going to cum soon, but you sped up regardless.

“Fuck,” Jaemin rasped out, watching you with absolute admiration in his blown-out eyes, “I’m gonna cum.”

His grip on your hair loosened, as if he was ready to let you pull off of him, but you looked up at him with a mischievous glint in your eyes while you sucked harder. You wanted him to cum in your mouth, and he seemed to get the message because his moan was cut off by his orgasm.

You continued to suck on his cock while he came, swallowing without hesitation. Jaemin thrusted shallowly inside your mouth, his husky moans making you pull off him to lick a long stripe down his length.

The two of you just stared at each other for a moment, catching your breaths and watching each other’s chest rise and fall. Then, Jaemin leaned in to cup your cheek and kiss you once more. He didn’t even care that he was tasting himself on your lips, but he just needed more of you.

“Let me return the favor,” he said once he pulled away. Before you could respond, Jaemin scooped you up in his strong arms. You held onto his biceps, gasping when he held your bottom firmly. “I promise I’ll make you feel really good.”

Jaemin set you on the cool granite surface of the kitchen counter, and you were glad that he kept the place clean. You would have felt gross if it was any other man, like Jeno’s grimey kitchen counter littered with dirty dishes, but you were too wrapped up in your own lust to care about moving to Jaemin’s bed.

Being high made you so sensitive that every touch from Jaemin left you trembling. As he undressed you, you couldn’t help but shudder and gasp whenever his fingers brushed over a sensitive area. He seemed to take notice, which you observed by his small smirk. As soon as Jaemin got rid of your garments, leaving you naked, he sucked in a sharp breath.

“Gorgeous,” he praised, leaning forward to take your nipple in his mouth. He sucked on the supple skin eagerly, making you moan and grab at his shoulder.

You let out a gasp when Jaemin grabbed your other breast in his hand, squeezing firmly and running his thumb along the nipple. After he decided he showed your chest enough attention, Jaemin started kissing down your stomach until he reached the apex of your thighs. He trailed kisses along your pelvis, peppering more along the top of your thighs, and you used your elbows to balance your weight on the counter. You were surely going to collapse if he kept going.

“Jaem,” you whined, “don’t tease.”

He smirked as he parted your legs even further, humming inquisitively at the sight of your soaked cunt. He lifted both of your legs and settled them on each of his shoulders, and you sucked in a sharp breath to prepare yourself.

Jaemin dipped his head and ran his flattened tongue along your folds, and god, you were floating high up in the clouds.

After some strokes of his tongue, Jaemin stiffened his tongue to lick deeper, parting your slit so that he could ravage your cunt. You couldn’t do anything but cry out his name, begging for more and more. Your engorged clit was soon aching for attention, and you became a complete mess as soon as Jaemin’s lips found your little ball of nerves.

Soon, Jaemin was holding your hips down as he ate you out like a man starved. You had never experienced pleasure so intense, and you were finding it hard to believe that the meek boy you met last night was this bold. Your fingers were tangled in his hair, pulling him impossibly closer even though his face was practically wet with your arousal.

“I-I’m close,” you breathed out, and your hips were struggling to grind down to meet Jaemin’s tongue. You wanted more—no, you needed more.

“I know,” he whispered against your thigh, and before you could beg, he snaked his tongue in your entrance, allowing your walls to clench and unclench around his hot muscle.

He used his fingers to rub your clit in small, tight circles, all the while eating you out so vigorously that you couldn’t even think about anything except Jaemin. How good he made you feel. How lucky you were to be under him.

You were drowning soon after—drowning in utmost bliss. A toe-curling orgasm shook your body, leaving your back arching against the kitchen counter. You couldn’t even process how loud your moan was until Jaemin was shushing you gently, abusing your clit throughout your orgasm while his other hand was clamped over your mouth.

“Shh,” he cooed, almost mocking you. “The walls are thin, doll.”

You nodded, looking up at him with glazed-over eyes. You just needed to focus on anything to keep you at bay, to keep you from being pulled under the current of your climax.

“Gonna carry you to the bed, okay?” he told you, and you nodded without a second thought, letting him princess carry you to his bedroom.

As soon as he laid you down gently, Jaemin leveled his cock at your entrance, running his head along the folds of your cunt. You were already exhausted from your previous orgasm, but you were still eager to feel Jaemin inside of you.

“I’ll go slow,” he assured, teasing the tip of his cock inside you so gently that you were about to fall apart. You had no more than an inch inside of you, and your walls were already clenching hard around him.

Your eyes rolled back when he pushed deeper inside you, and then soon he was bottoming out, and you could feel his thighs pressed against yours. The cry that left your lips and the groan that escaped his nearly sounded like a melody in your eyes. Each wave of pleasure made you feel like you were traveling light years past several galaxies. Stars pinpricked your vision, but you could make out Jaemin’s face among the collisions of supernovas.  

“I can’t,” you whimpered, unable to form proper, coherent sentences. “Fast—go faster.”

Something primal glinted in Jaemin’s dark eyes, and started ramming into you while holding your hips tight. His head dipped to ravage your neck, kissing and sucking as he pleased while his cock hit that perfect spot that made you see white spots in your vision. You felt a ripple of pleasure shoot under your skin.

And something else must have snapped in Jaemin because he started spewing absolute filth in your ears, and lord, was it making you lose your mind.

“I’m the best you’ve had, aren’t I?” he asked with brimming confidence, opting for sharp and precise thrusts.

You half-nodded, your cheek pressing against the pillow as your nails raked down Jaemin’s back. But Jaemin didn’t appreciate your lack of words.

“Come on, Y/N,” he pressed, “say it.” He pressed his lips to your ear and nibbled on the shell. You squirmed when you felt his hot breath fan your neck. “C’mon, I haven’t fucked you dumb already, right?”

You managed to cry out, “Y-yes, Jaemin! I’ve… I’ve never felt this good.”

He cupped your cheek and rubbed gently with his thumb, smiling down at you so kindly that it felt condescending. “Yeah? You gonna cum for me, then?”

You felt those ripples of pleasure intensify, and soon they were rising to a crescendo. You felt like you were being split apart on Jaemin’s cock, and it didn’t help that he refused to slow down before you orgasmed. You bucked your hips against him, eager to chase the pleasure that was just in your reach.

And, after Jaemin pressed his lips against yours, all of the stars in the night sky collided and exploded into nothingness.

You felt your orgasm tear through you, immobilizing you with blinding pleasure. You gasped and gripped the sheets tightly, praying that you could hold on for dear life. Jaemin slowly fucked you through your orgasm, your clenching walls bringing him to pull out of you and let his cum spill onto your stomach.

Jaemin let out a shaky sigh of contentment, and he quickly returned to your side without giving himself time to recover. Instead of basking in post orgasm glow, Jaemin aided your ongoing climax by rubbing your clit in slow, torturous circles.

“I got you,” he crooned, pressing gentle kisses to your cheeks. “I got you, doll.”

You were a whimpering, moaning mess underneath him, and you couldn’t think of anything but Jaemin as you writhed. After a few more aftershocks of pleasure (all thanks to Jaemin, of course), you finally started returning to your senses. It was possible that Jaemin had actually fucked you dumb.

He hurried to his feet to clean you up. It was a stark contrast from how he acted in bed, but your heart melted when he made sure you got enough water before he tucked you in bed. No guy had ever taken his time with aftercare for you, so you were starting to feel like being kicked out of Jeno’s apartment was a stroke of luck.

Later, he moved to lay down next to you, kissing the top of your head as he slid in. You wrapped your arm around him and you two were eventually a mess of tangled limbs.

“Can I stay?” you asked, somewhat nervous that he would ask you to leave soon.

“Of course,” he replied, easing your nerves with a gentle smile, “you can stay for as long as you want.” You cuddled close to him, burying your face into his chest, and then you heard him ask, “How do you feel?”

You smiled. “Like a star.”

[kenobers]

Jason Todd Headcanons

just a few thoughts that help inform the way i write this doof. it's linked below as well, but check out jason's spotify wrapped if you have a minute! ;-)

Samsung User

Jason says he likes his coffee dark, but secretly orders flavored lattes (see that one Hozier photo)

Puts cinnamon in his coffee grounds

He may have good taste in books, but he's got shit taste in movies

Loves a few basic safe picks - Fight Club, Pulp Fiction, things you might expect from someone like him

But his "Watch Again" list is all cheesy action movies and wacky comedies. Mark Wahlberg appears a little too often.

Doesn’t watch a lot of television, but sometimes likes to fall asleep to Family Guy or South Park

Has one ear piercing he got on a dare, done by either one of his brothers or one of the Outlaws

Good gift giver, but only wraps things in newspaper

Really terrible about remembering to take his medication

To the point that Dick and Tim got him one of those every day of the week pill boxes as a joke - but it's actually been incredibly helpful

Is a regular at his neighborhood corner store

To the point where the guys at the counter don’t even card him anymore

He's the type of man to sleep till noon, 1:30 on Sundays

If he's sharing a bed, he will snuggle up to you in his sleep

Snores

Unfortunately uses 3-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash

Has an high tolerance for weed, which annoys the hell out of him because he enjoys a joint but does not fuck with edibles

Every time he tries an edible, he stares at himself in the mirror for three hours and Does Not like it

Drunk Yapper

Beer Drinker

Doesn't always know his own strength

Not in the accidentally-break-someone's-arm type of way, but definitely in the sometimes-closes-the-door-too-hard-and-goes-"whoopsie daises!" type of way

Thankfully, he's become a pretty great handy man

Despite being a certified Car Guy, he did die at 15 and as a consequence is lowkey still how to drive a none military grade car (in other words, he's a shit driver) (but it's okay, he sticks to the motorcycle and public transportation)

He's not a hugger, but he is a leaner

Thrifts all of his clothes

Prefers to get his books from local indie/second-hand/new & used bookstores

But still has a Barnes & Nobles membership card

His bookshelf is not organized what-so-ever; it's started to operate as more of a gun rack while his books get stacked underneath his bed (he tells himself that this will make him get through his To Be Read list faster)

His top played song of last year was “Kiss Me Through The Phone” by Soulja Boy

His music taste can be divided into three primary playlists; East Coast Rap, Metal, Ear Worms

Is the family expert on the Gotham underground music scene

He isn’t big on social media at all, but he has a Twitter with like 15 followers he uses to keep an eye on whoever

(and also to keep up with music and book updates)

He’s occasionally very funny on it. But just occasionally.

Just Online enough to know who Trisha Paytas is, not Online enough to know who ClubChalamet is

He got his GED once he joined the family again

and yes, they threw him a little party to celebrate

Has the BatChat on silent, but still checks it regularly

Terrible texter; you’ll either hear back from him immediately or in three weeks time

“srry didn’t see this”

(he did see this, he just got anxiety about it)

Has a lot of anxiety about smalls things like that

Especially when it comes to the Bat Family

He’s not always sure where he stands with everyone - if they like him, trust him, want him there

Paranoid that they’re nosy because they secretly think he’s going to go rogue again

Has to constantly remind himself that they’re just nosy the same way that he’s nosy - because this is literally a family of detectives

[anim-ttrpgs]

A quickly doodled fan comic from @umbraldame featuring a thing from beyond A.K.A. "The Blanket" and her ability to absorb not only nutrition but information from the people she digests! That would be pretty handy for investigating a mystery, if you could get past the question of morality.

This is one of the five playable monster types in Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy, and a fan favorite around here!

Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is still crowdfunding on kickstarter from now until 2:00 PM CST on Friday, May 10th! Back it before it's too late!

If you want to try before you buy, you can download a free demo of the prerelease version from our website or our itch.io page!

If you’re interested in a more updated and improved version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy than the free demo you got from our website, subscribe to our Patreon where we frequently roll our new updates for the prerelease version!

You can also support us on Ko-fi, or by checking out our merchandise!

Join our TTRPG Book Club At the time of writng this, Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is the current game being played in the book club, and anyone who wants to participate in discussion, but can’t afford to make a contribution, will be given the most updated prerelease version for free! Plus it’s just a great place to discuss and play new TTRPGs you might not be able to otherwise!

We hope to see you there, and that you will help our dreams come true and launch our careers as indie TTRPG developers with a bang by getting us to our base goal and blowing those stretch goals out of the water, and fight back against WotC's monopoly on the entire hobby. Wish us luck.

[theindieinformer]

The Indie Informer Plays Bloomtown: A Different Story

I jumped into What The Car, LOK Digital, and Bloomtown: A Different Story in my latest stream. And all have available demos on Steam right now!

Episode 26 With so many games to choose from this week, I served my community a mystery for this week’s voting. Pick three unnamed indie experiences based on extremely vague hints. When the dust settled, I was set to play What The Car, LOK Digital, and Bloomtown: A Different Story. All have available demos on Steam right now. So, if anything catches your eye, feel free to boot it up! Support…

[transmutationisms]

in addition to being prone to an obvious naturalistic fallacy, the oft-repeated claim that various supplements / herbs / botanicals are being somehow suppressed by pharmaceutical interests seeking to protect their own profits ('they would rather sell you a pill') belies a clear misunderstanding of the relationship between 'industrial' pharmacology and plant matter. bioprospecting, the search for plants and molecular components of plants that can be developed into commercial products, has been one of the economic motivations and rationalisations for european colonialism and imperialism since the so-called 'age of exploration'. state-funded bioprospectors specifically sought 'exotic' plants that could be imported to europe and sold as food or materia medica—often both, as in the cases of coffee or chocolate—or, even better, cultivated in 'economic' botanical gardens attached to universities, medical schools, or royal palaces and scientific institutions.

this fundamental attitude toward the knowledge systems and medical practices of colonised people—the position, characterising eg much 'ethnobotany', that such knowledge is a resource for imperialist powers and pharmaceutical manufacturers to mine and profit from—is not some kind of bygone historical relic. for example, since the 1880s companies including pfizer, bristol-myers squibb, and unilever have sought to create pharmaceuticals from african medicinal plants, such as strophanthus, cryptolepis, and grains of paradise. in india, state-created databases of valuable 'traditional' medicines have appeared partly in response to a revival of bioprospecting since the 1980s, in an increasingly bureaucratised form characterised by profit-sharing agreements between scientists and local communities that has nonetheless been referred to as "biocapitalism". a 1990 paper published in the proceedings of the novartis foundation symposium (then the ciba foundation symposium) spelled out this form of epistemic colonialism quite bluntly:

Ethnobotany, ethnomedicine, folk medicine and traditional medicine can provide information that is useful as a 'pre-screen' to select plants for experimental pharmacological studies.

there is no inherent oppositional relationship between pharmaceutical industry and 'natural' or plant-based cures. there are of course plenty of examples of bioprospecting that failed to translate into consumer markets: ginseng, introduced to europe in the 17th century through the mercantile system and the east india company, found only limited success in european pharmacology. and there are cases in which knowledge with potential market value has actually been suppressed for other reasons: the peacock flower, used as an abortifacient in the west indies, was 'discovered' by colonial bioprospectors in the 18th century; the plant itself moved easily to europe, but knowledge of its use in reproductive medicine became the subject of a "culturally cultivated ignorance," resulting from a combination of funding priorities, national policies, colonial trade patterns, gender politics, and the functioning of scientific institutions. this form of knowledge suppression was never the result of a conflict wherein bioprospectors or pharmacists viewed the peacock flower as a threat to their own profits; on the contrary, they essentially sacrificed potential financial benefits as a result of the political and social factors that made abortifacient knowledge 'unknowable' in certain state and commercial contexts.

exploitation of plant matter in pharmacology is not a frictionless or infallible process. but the sort of conspiratorial thinking that attempts to position plant therapeutics and 'big pharma' as oppositional or competitive forces is an ahistorical and opportunistic example of appealing to nominally anti-capitalist rhetoric without any deeper understanding of the actual mechanisms of capitalism and colonialism at play. this is of course true whether or not the person making such claims has any personal financial stake in them, though it is of course also true that, often, they do hold such stakes.

[thydungeongal]

hi!! i’m just starting to get into game theory and design and was wondering if you had any essays or anything you would recommend. i’m breaking out of the dndsphere (to the shock and dismay of many friends lol) and your blog has been really interesting to read i appreciate your perspective <3

Hi, and thank you for the kind words! :) anyway, I sadly don't have, like, a bibliography of online articles that I tend to come back to, but instead have mostly developed my perspectives on RPGs by subconsciously tapping into the thoughtform of the weird transfeminine overmind and just reading a lot of games and partaking in this discussions.

And that would be my first piece of advice: read lots of games! Keep your eyes peeled for bundles that feature lots of games of various kinds to broaden your horizons. Bundle of Holding is a good resource for this, as is itch.io, and the former actually has an indie cornucopia available at the moment:

Anyway, I can't think of any particularly informative specific essays, but for some other blogs, here's Traverse Fantasy (creator of 0D&D clone Fantastic Medieval Campaigns):

Um, if you can find it, go read Wisher, Theurgist, Fatalist by @jennamoran. It's a game that is also almost like a dissertation on what games are. That's the best I can describe it.

There are some really informative and opinionated people out here on Tumblr as well, not all of them always posting about TTRPGs but with very interesting perspectives on them. If you want to take a peek behind the curtain of the creation of a very crunchy, deep RPG, I recommend following @anim-ttrpgs. The asks they get and the stuff they post are very illuminating about their specific approaches to game design. Other people whose game design perspectives I find extremely valuable (they may not post about game design on Tumblr on the regular but like still): @cavegirlpoems @jdragsky @open-sketchbook @prokopetz @theresattrpgforthat and too many others for me to list right now.

Anyway, yeah, read lots of games, and don't forget about old games. This is a 50-year-old hobby and in many ways it feels like we're only scratching the surface of what these roled playing glames can even do, but many many classic games and their contributions to the medium have also been forgotten. It's all well and good to know that D&D 5e is big and smelly and that some of the cool goth kids still play V5 and that there's also some games being Powered by the Apocalypse or Forging in the Dark, but it's equally valuable to know that 1st edition Traveller kind of whips sack, RuneQuest 1st edition was much more of a dungeon game than you would imagine based on modern RuneQuest, and that Paranoia 1e was actually really well-written and funny speculative fiction.

I hope that is at least somewhat useful. :)

[prokopetz]

Sometimes I feel like indie game developers are taking the wrong lessons away from certain popular titles. Like, if your game's elaborate branching narrative has a dozen different endings, but it's possible to unwittingly screw yourself out of ever being able to access half of them as early as the first hour of play simply by visiting major locations out of the developer-intended order (in what is ostensibly an open world game), and the other half are gated behind NPC interactions where not only do you need to say exactly the right things based on information your character couldn't possibly possess, but the conditions for triggering those conversations in the first place are so fiddly that players literally had to decompile the game's code just to write a reliable walkthrough, that doesn't make your story deep, it just makes it obtuse.

[theresattrpgforthat]

Character Friction: On “Asshole Characters”, or Shitty Little Guys.

A while ago I floated a few thoughts I had about “asshole” characters in the Indy TTRPGs community. I floated these questions because I had been listening to this interview between Klaus von Hohenloe of The Dungeon Newb's Guide and The Panic Table. In particular, Klaus mentions that some games don’t allow for player friction, and in games where this is the case (cough D&D cough), it culminates in a horrible experience for all involved.

To illustrate, I’m going to talk about some experience I’ve had with my own play groups.

Art from Last Fleet, by Vicentius Matthew.

It might be shocking to hear, but I’ve played D&D once or twice. I remember being in a campaign with two players who wanted very different things from that game. Player A wanted to bring their character on a deep emotional journey, while Player B wanted to act as strategically as possible in pursuit of their character’s benefit, often to the detriment of other members of the party. My own character wanted to track down leads to a mystery that mattered to her, but not really to anyone else. This often led to frustrating moments where characters might not communicate as much information to the party as they might have otherwise, and in other cases one character’s actions could pull the entire party’s journey off-course.

The three of us all played together in a completely different game, three years later - Last Fleet. Let me tell you, the character interactions were completely flipped on their heads. Player A got a dramatic emotional arc around an NPC who was integral to the main plot. Player B got to pursue their own agenda, often in ways that worked against the efforts of other PCs. As the GM, I was given tools that actually encouraged both of these moments: both pushing Player A to wrestle with their relationship and implicating Player B as a suspicious person very early on.

A basic move from Last Fleet.

There are a number of reasons this worked in Last Fleet and not in D&D. One, Last Fleet playbooks often encourage players to keep secrets, work against the benefit of the crew, and fuck up their relationships with each-other. Two, Last Fleet has something called the Pressure mechanic. This is both a resource and a time bomb: you can mark Pressure to improve your chances of success, but hit your cap and your character has to do something to relieve their stress - and that choice is usually rather detrimental to the ship.

Finally, Last Fleet’s a different kind of story. You’re not playing heroic adventurers fighting monsters and clearing out dungeons. You’re playing the last desperate strains of humanity, fleeing an alien threat that has the power to infiltrate your fleet and resemble the ones you love most. Last Fleet is all about how a high-stress situation can lead people to making poor decisions, and, should you desire, it can also be about how people are sometimes forced to rely on each-other in order to get through a harrowing situation.

When I compare these situations, I don’t think we had bad players at the table: we just had the wrong kind of game for the story that the players wanted. I suppose I haven’t necessarily played enough D&D to say that it can’t allow for compelling, flawed characters - what I like to call “shitty little guys” - but I certainly don’t think it’s a play culture that accounts for the diversity of player goals.

More to the point, I find myself really drawn to playing flawed characters - both with them and for them. I love my over-perfectionist superhero in MASKS who lashes out when her friends don’t meet her standards. I adore my Thirsty Sword Lesbian who doesn’t know how to flirt or how to process emotions. I’m having so much fun watching play-testers pick up their various monsters in Protect the Child and demonstrate each character’s struggles when it comes to relating to a kid. I think it’s fascinating that in Changeling: the Lost 1e, a Fairest is rewarded with a discount when they use their Contracts of Reflection to spy on people that they love.

Contract of Reflections, Equinox Road Sourcebook, Changeling the Lost 1e.

I’ve personally seen the most leeway for character friction in PbtA games, like Apocalypse World, Urban Shadows, and Apocalypse Keys. When I brought up the question in the Community post, I asked folks for other examples of playing Shitty Little Guys. Their interpretations were really interesting, and far broader than my initial scope.

@nebmia mentioned that by giving your characters “unpleasant” abilities, it will incentivize them to use those abilities in unpleasant ways.

@goblincow has a lot of thoughts about creating little guys who aren’t just horrible, but are also in horrible situations - which gives license for the players to endanger their characters in the pursuit of mischief.

@airkseablade brought up Tenra Bansho Zero, and how it uses something called an “Emotion Matrix” to randomly determine how a player character might reaction to meeting a new person, as well as “Fates”, which are goals that each player is rewarded for playing towards, but mostly based on group consensus.

@willknightauthor talked about Wraith: (The Oblivion?), and how each archetype available to players has a part of themselves that pulls them towards darker choices.

It turns out that we really like playing characters who are mean-spirited, greedy, and struggling to get what they want, and we have a lot of different ways to make that happen. It reminds me of a common piece of advice given to writers when they’re writing a novel - you want a character who’s flawed, because those flaws can be used.

In games like Trilogy or TSL, you might want those flaws because you want to see your character overcome them. In games like Mothership or Cairn, you might want those flaws because then it makes it easier to push your guys through a meat-grinder. In games like Hillfolk or Apocalypse World, you might want those flaws because you want to see just how much well-meaning or desperate characters can fuck each-other up, given the right circumstances.

So what’s the point of all this? What am I trying to get out of this?

When I hear stories about horrible players, the experience I’ve had at my tables makes me want to approach these “trouble” players with a bit of grace. Perhaps these “trouble” players simply want something that is a challenge to provide in a game like D&D, but in Mothership, Urban Shadows, Apocalypse World etc., they might find their choices welcomed and encouraged. And if you've found yourself being accused of being a "trouble" player because you like to a cause drama, perhaps these games might be more up your alley than you think!

Consider playing a game with horrible guys who suck today!

[mementoboni]

DIR EN GREY PLAYERS BOOK - Kyo interview (2016)

“The freedom that can only be felt at that moment I want to cherish it, and I don't want to be tied down to the song”— Kyo

Notes before reading:

Source: DIR EN GREY PLAYERS BOOK P.17-20 (Text: YUKINOBU HASEGAWA)

All translated by me. Repost and share are welcome.🙌 English is not my first language, so please feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.😊

My Blogger → 中文翻譯 & English Translation

#excerpt: deg players book

--- --- ---

“There's something different about people who express themselves with their bodies and people who express themselves with instruments”

ーーYou first bought a guitar because you wanted to be in a band, right?

Kyo：I had the image that band = guitar (laugh). If I wanted to play in a band, I'd want to own an instrument, but I am not able to do that at all.

ーーHave you ever challenged any songs?

Kyo：Back then, X (now X JAPAN) was really popular, and there were quite a few people playing X around me so I was given the score of “BLUE BLOOD."* But I'm such a beginner that I don't even know which ones are difficult and which ones are easy. I looked at the score and wondered if I could do something like this. The guitar soon became not something to play, but something to display (laugh).

*Blue Blood is the second album by X Japan, released in 1989

ーーEven so, you still couldn't get over your passion for the band, so your next choice was to be the vocalist?

Kyo：I borrowed a bass from my friends, but it was just for fun. HIDE-san (X JAPAN) was the first guitarist I liked, but I'm generally attracted to vocalists. Moreover, there were many special vocalists. It just so happened that a lot of people in the band that I like wear makeup, so I thought I'd like to be part of a band like that. At the same time, I also liked Endo Michiro-san* (THE STALIN) and other punk music, but they didn't blend well back then, in my opinion. Isn't it a different genre? There were not many bands that could coexist in multiple music genres, probably GASTUNK. I had the impression that if I was going to do different types of music, I would have to do it separately. That's why I joined various bands. There were Punk-style bands, and there were also Visual-kei bands.

*遠藤ミチロウ (Endo Michiro) is the vocalist of THE STALIN.

ーーWere you not that particular about music style or genre?

Kyo：No, I really like intense music.

ーーWas it the era when Endo Michiro-san was throwing pig heads at live shows from THE STALIN?

Kyo：When I was in the second grade of middle school, it was the time when X had released “BLUE BLOOD”, and BUCK-TICK had almost released “TABOO"* or not. I only fell in love with THE STALIN later.

*TABOO is the fourth album by BUCK-TICK, released in 1989

ーーThe late 1980s was a time when the indie scene in Kansai was very strong.

Kyo：But I was still in middle school (laugh). The only source of information was TV, and I was like, “What's indie?” That's why I know X and BUCK-TICK. Somehow, I later learned about THE STALIN and GASTUNK. Back then, there was a video called “Takarajima VOS"*. There were a lot of other omnibus videos out there, so I was shopping all over the place and looking for them.

*宝島vos (Takarajima VOS)

ーーYou’ve got a lot of things that attract you. Was it all intense (music) since then?

Kyo：Yeah. Thrash Metal was also in fashion, and Metallica was becoming popular. And Skid Row, which is not Thrash Metal, was also popular back then. But I wasn’t attracted to that. I don't like bands that look good in bandana (laugh). After graduating from middle school, I worked at the central market in Kyoto. I had blonde hair and was approached by a band member who was working at the central market. Later, I became a roadie for their band, which was a Hard rock band.

ーーWas it a Bandana-kei band which you didn't like very much?

Kyo：It's a Bandana-kei band, but they wore makeup. I toured with that band as a roadie. After watching many bands, I gradually understood what was going on, because I also had formed several local bands.

ーーDid you get any advice from the bands you were with or from the bands you met on tour?

Kyo：I was 15 years old back then, and the people in the band I was with were 22 or 23, so I was still like a child. We didn't have too many deep conversations, like what a vocalist is or how a song is made. My specialty was loading and unloading equipment and making hair stand up. But I noticed something. The band members were close, but there was a little distance between the vocalist and the instrumentalists. There's something different between people who express themselves with their bodies and people who express themselves with instruments. And like not drinking, health care, these are different from people who play instruments, right? I learned a lot.

ーーAs a vocalist, was there anything about the live experience that blew your mind?

Kyo：It's a bit special… Back then, Kamaitachi* was popular in my hometown Kyoto, and they were all red. I don't know if it was an agreement with the company or not, but the band I was with as a roadie all wore gold enamel outfits.* Also, when they released an album, they didn't play any songs from the album. They said, “The company chose those songs on their own, and we don't really want to play them at our shows.” I've been looking at things like that, so I thought the company was not very good (laugh). If possible, I would do my best to do it myself.

*かまいたち (Kamaitachi) is a Visual-kei band that formed in Kyoto in 1985 and disbanded in 1991. All the members had red hair.

*金のエナメル。I guess it's some kind of material (?)

ーーYou thought it's not good for adults to get involved?

Kyo：I thought it would be bad (laugh). It gave me a strange image. So I tried to find members, put up flyers in music stores and second-hand CD stores, contacted them myself to form a band, but nothing really went well. It's really difficult to start a band.

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“I don't want to make any compromises I don't want to do anything else”

ーーDid you have an ideal form for the band?

Kyo：There was absolutely something that I thought was cool. I can't put it into concrete words, but there was something unshakable. In my first band back then, there were about 8 people in the audience, and we were playing against about 5 other bands, so there were only about 30 people in total. Tables and chairs were set up, and after their favorite band was finished, the audience would start eating. I understood that, but I got very angry when people talked while I was performing, so I complained about it during the MC. I think I feel the same way from then to now (laugh). I knew that the fans and the audience were important, but I wasn't mainly focused on them, and I would do exactly what I wanted to do.

ーーIsn’t it similar? Wearing white makeup on face* and waving a bamboo sword (laugh). It's like a live fight.

*白塗り。It's like the Kabuki actor or the Geisha who puts on white makeup from face to neck.

Kyo：That's the punk band (laugh). We didn't fight, but we played shows similar to that. I was not interested in being a vocalist who sings well. Even if I didn't sing, I thought it was fine as long as I could express what I wanted to express and the atmosphere of the moment. There was no fixed concept that I had to sing just because I am a vocalist. That's why I didn't sing much at live shows back then. Even after I became DIR EN GREY, until the end of the “Withering to Death.” tour, I was still called a vocalist who doesn't sing. I did what I wanted to do, but I didn't feel that I had to sing because I'm a vocalist. It was like that.

ーーDid you feel like you were letting out your inner anxiety and confusion?

Kyo：That's part of it, but it might have been better if I was a part of my role as a performer. It would be good if I could show what I think is cool and what I want to do.

ーーDo you want to see the surprised faces of the audience?

Kyo：I think it happened to some extent, but after the live show, I just want to perform on stage that I am satisfied with. This is a very self-centered idea. I was satisfied, so everyone else must be satisfied as well and that's why they came to the show, right? For example, no one would want Endo Michiro-san to sing for the audience. It's like Endo Michiro-san is doing whatever he wants. That's what I wanted to be like. That's why I'm not saying anything like trying to be happy through our songs and MCs. That's how much I hated it.

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“I was not interested in being a vocalist who sings well There's no concept that I have to sing just because I'm a vocalist”

“I don't want to leave any regrets On the contrary, I want to move forward to a more difficult place”

ーーLiving with trauma all the time is also the main reason, right?

Kyo：That's probably true. The only person I can trust is myself, and basically I always think I can't get along with other people, or maybe I just refuse to get along with them. When I was in my previous band, and maybe in the early days of DIR EN GREY, I didn't talk to other bands at all, so I was told by people around me that I had anthropophobia. Of course, they weren't my enemies, but even if I told them, they wouldn't understand. It was like I had given up. In that case, I don't want to make any compromises in what I do, and I don't want to do anything else.

ーーYou have shown a colorful voice from the early days to now. Did you always want to broaden the range of expression in the songs?

Kyo：No, until the end of “MACABRE”, I wanted to do more than just sing. It’s kind of hard to explain, but I didn't think too much about singing or voice. To be honest, I was more prickly in DIR EN GREY's indies period and my previous bands. I had no money, no friends, and always felt like I was going to explode. That feeling faded away unconsciously after our major debut, I guess it's because I was busy doing interviews and photographing every day. After several days of interviews from morning to night, instead of anger and dissatisfaction, I thought more about the fellowship with the members and the need to overcome this busy period. Something I cared about had changed. I think my sweetest period was about halfway through the MACABRE Tour until I injured my ear (sudden hearing loss in the left ear). That's why it was my least favorite period. I was not sure how much longer I would be able to do it after my ear injury. I had to make sure I didn't go back to my naive self so that I wouldn't have any regrets. For that reason, I decided to go to more difficult places and became more strict with myself. During the period of “Kisou”, we studied and incorporated new musical tastes into what we've been creating up until now. From there, I started to put more emphasis on my own vocal style. I started thinking about how to use my voice and what only I could do. When creating these works, I paid close attention to details such as the localization of the voice and the texture. But I thought that works are works and live performances are live performances, which are different things, so people kept saying that I was a vocalist who couldn't sing. I was also told that “DIR EN GREY should just release CDs” or “If you can't sing it live, don't do it”, but in my mind, CDs are CDs and live performances are live performances. If you want exactly the same things as CDs, please listen to CDs. At live shows, you can still feel something even without singing, right?

ーーThose live shows were filled with great tension. You mentioned the word "study." What exactly did you do?

Kyo：I'd say I've started listening to all kinds of music, regardless of genre. Didn't I just say that I don't like hard rock music? But that's just what I imagined, so I started listening to it trying to find something. In my own way, though. Still, it's okay to hate what you hate. I think that was when I listened to the most variety of music. There was no YouTube yet, and videos were not easily available, but back then Marilyn Manson simply made an impact on me, and so did Nine Inch Nails. I realized that there were foreigners who were visually interesting. There might have been more foreigners if I went back further, but I had never heard of them. Then I started listening to various kinds of music, but the vocalists I liked were overwhelmingly Japanese.

ーーEndo Michiro-san and Nakamori Akina-san. Also Cocco-san who you had been listening to a lot since those days.

Kyo：I liked BAKI-san from GASTUNK and KIBA-san from Gargoyle as well. I liked KIBA-san's unique style of not moving or laughing at all during live performances back then. I also liked the early VIRUS and the bassist NOBORU-san. I liked those eccentric people.

ーーDid you become prickly because of your admiration for eccentricity?

Kyo：Or rather, there were some strange rules in my mind that I didn't realize until I injured my ear. It didn't matter after the injury, the strange rules started to be broken, but I was worried that it would be bad for the image of the band. I think I was able to break down the various elements I had before and put them together without rules.

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“The style that only I can create I packed it all into UROBOROS”

ーーThen it spurred on and led to insane live performances. I guess you just couldn't stop yourself anymore. There have been many times where you started bleeding after shows and an ambulance was waiting at the backstage entrance. So what kind of mental state were you in when you were standing on stage?

Kyo：I think the most extreme tour was the “Withering to death.” Back then, the members did not get along well with each other, and the stage was a place for me to release myself. I didn't sing many songs, and if I didn't like something, I would go back to the dressing room right away, so I guess I was too honest with myself (bitter smile). I've become even more prickly than the indies period, and I greedily did everything that I wanted to do or that I thought was my expression. I was getting more and more extreme, and even vomiting blood, but I also had the feeling that it was just a fake, and I thought that was boring. I decided to try to do it with the real thing. I wanted to make the expression of pain in the lyrics more realistic, so that people could understand just by looking at it. I wanted to express it freely using my own body, sweat, blood, and various other things. So it exploded.

ーーI think it was “THE MARROW OF A BONE” that changed things in terms of vocal approach and style. It's also swerving in extreme directions such as death, growl, guttural, etc.

Kyo：Up until “Withering to death.”, I was creating works as works, and the live performance was like an explosion of myself. “THE MARROW OF A BONE” is a combination of both sides. The single “RYOUJOKU NO AME” (凌辱の雨) had harmonies and a beautiful finish, but the album is a single piece with no harmonies. We changed the way we made the song because we wanted to make it as close to the live performance as possible and express aggressiveness. I kept the vocals as close to the live show as possible, with as few takes as possible, and kept the momentum going. So when I listen to it now, I think it's the most painful song I've ever sung.

ーーAt the same time, the many ways of using your voice have become a part of your personality as a vocalist. What kind of process did you go through to broaden your singing style?

Kyo：In my opinion, I think it has been narrowed. Up until “Withering to death.” I had been using various techniques to expand my voice in the work, but with “THE MARROW OF A BONE” it suddenly shrunk. After performing live, I got really pissed off at being called “The vocalist who cannot sing” (laugh). Some people thought that I was just doing a good job of making sound recordings on the computer (laugh). Until then, I had intentionally included soundtracks that without singing in the coupling song of singles. But in the end, nothing seemed to be conveyed. There was a great sense of distance, so I felt that I was the only one walking to an unknown place, I had to pull them up. So I decided to raise the quality of our works above “Withering to death.” From a global perspective, what is the style that only I could create? I did some research on myself, and I packed it all into “UROBOROS.” Moreover, I felt like I've almost 100% recreated it in live performances so no one would complain. After I actually did it, I was able to create exactly what I had envisioned, and I felt satisfied that I could become a singer with a unique style. After that, when we toured overseas, I was selected in many rankings in the metal vocalist category, and I felt that I had done nothing wrong. I think it was with “UROBOROS” that I finally found a match between my live performances and our works.

ーーFrom that album, you started recording songs at home.

Kyo：I created an environment at home where I can sing when I want to sing. Until then, I had been singing in an environment where I had to go to a studio and have an engineer there. But I thought that was not good enough. I felt that this style would not be complete unless I was in a position to sing with the feelings I wanted and at the time I wanted.

ーーAs a result, you have quite a vocal range from growl to clean. Do you sometimes approach singing stoically, thinking that in order to perfect your style, you need to broaden your vocal range?

Kyo：There are vocalists who can somehow shout, sing, and have a high-pitched voice. However, I realized that there aren't many vocalists who can take each of these to a very high level, so I researched and pursued them greedily. Think about it, “UROBOROS” is still a bit naive, but it feels like the first part of the current style.

ーーWhat exactly do you mean by research? If you're a guitarist, it's easy to copy a song you've never played before and make it your own.

Kyo：I don't have that kind of know-how, and I haven't had voice training. When we make new songs, I sing based on my first impression of the song that the members brought. Then I add my own color to it in my own way while paying attention to those impressions, that's how the style was formed. I just accepted what came out naturally from me and repeated it over and over again. Also, I did it in a way that I can enjoy. “ここでこう来んのかい!?”* It's like I'm enjoying it myself (laugh). In the end, music always tickles my heart. It feels good when the chorus comes just when you think it's coming. I made it in such a way that I could enjoy it myself, and then it came up with something bizarre (laugh). If you are just trying to be like someone else, you are just repeating the same thing from the beginning, and you will never be able to create something new. The reason you find something interesting is because you've never seen it before. I don't think I can create anything new without doing so, so I'm just doing what I think.

*Sorry I don't know how to translate it into English

ーーIt depends on the song, but does it take a long time for you to find the vocal arrangement?

Kyo：It doesn't take much time. There are no rules anymore, so when I hear a song, I just kind of sing it, and sometimes it is almost completely decided on that basis. Of course, there are times when I have to remake it. I used to listen to all kinds of music for a while, but now I don't listen to much music anymore. If you listen to only one kind of music all the time, you may become fixated on it. I don't like that either.  When I listen to a piece of new song and want it to be intense, I don't imagine an intense band, but rather an intense, messy picture. Or it's sad to see a withering leaf. That's probably where I get my strongest images from.

ーーYou express yourself through music, but music is definitely not the only thing that sparks your imagination.

Kyo：That's right. I just pull from what I feel and see in daily life and make it into musical form. I feel like anything is possible when it comes to expression.

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“I don't practice at all I think of live performances as practice”

ーーAt your live performances, there is a vocal solo piece called “INWARD SCREAM”, or a place to express yourself. How did you start that?

Kyo：Basically, I don't talk during live performances. In the past, I used to force myself to talk, but there was a strange idea in the company that I had to do MC because I'm a vocalist. Why do I have to do all the talking? But DIR EN GREY has a lot of songs in different tunings, so there there are often gaps between songs. And when I don't do MC, the scene becomes quiet, doesn't it? (laugh) So I asked them to let me do it without MC because I had my own idea. The people in the company were reluctant, but once I did it, their attitude changed (laugh).  Fans sometimes ask us to play DIR EN GREY songs, if I’m going to sing “INWARD SCREAM”. But even if we didn't have “INWARD SCREAM”, we wouldn't have more songs (laugh). I hope you understand that first (laugh). We are not doing this by reducing the number of songs.

ーーI feel like I'm suddenly lured into the world of esotericism with “INWARD SCREAM”. Compared to songs that have already been released as sound sources, do you feel that you are in a different world in terms of tension?

Kyo：Not really, but the binding will be completely removed. If it's a DIR EN GREY song, the melody is already decided, and to a certain extent, the lyrics and the worldview of the song are also decided. These just came naturally from within me. But “INWARD SCREAM” is more like a state of zero, or rather, a flow from the previous song, and what kind of movement and voice I will make. It is a free expression of those things. I've always been interested in “living things”*. It is important to keep the same quality as CDs, and unlike in the past, I've raised the minimum standard. Even so, I still want to cherish the freedom that can only be felt at that moment, and I don't want to be tied down to the songs.

*生物

ーーI guess you are seen as quite eccentric overseas.

Kyo：Is that so? I am always looking for a vocalist that only I can be. I have always been non-style, but I like the process of creating and then destroying, so I want to keep changing.

ーーIs this the same for your ideal style?

Kyo：There is no such thing for me. It's just like, “I want to do this”, “I want to express myself like this at the next show.” These thoughts keep changing during the tour, that's how I feel. Lately, I feel like I'm moving further and further to the edge (bitter smile).

ーーYou have a shaved head and piercings, and sometimes you put on make-up and turn into four eyes, so it looks like you've gone completely out of bounds (laugh).

Kyo：Yeah, yeah (laugh). It doesn't matter (laugh).

ーーIt's also related to the expression “INWARD SCREAM”, you insist on using a shielded microphone on stage, right?

Kyo：To be honest, it doesn't matter either way. Without a shield, I can broaden my performance range, and with a shield, I can express myself in different ways. However, I prefer to have a shield. On stage, everyone is dressed all in black. A bright red shield is like a blood vessel, and it gives me an impression of being alive, and the sound is connected to the shield. Also, wireless microphones are thick in structure, right? That's just not cool. If there is a shield attached, there are restrictions on my movement, but I have a weird rebellious feeling that I should express myself regardless of the restrictions (laugh). Besides, the sound is usually better with a shield. It also avoids any trouble with radio waves. As long as it is shielded, I don't care what kind of microphone it is, whether it's dry sounding* or the front end has gotten bumpy (laugh).

*カスカスのマイク

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“Make the expression of pain more realistic I wanted to express freely using my own body, sweat and blood”

ーーAren't you particular about the recording microphone?

Kyo：I don't care what kind of microphone I use, but I sing the same way on the recording as I do on stage. I am not used to singing with my hands behind my back on a stand mic (laugh). I always sing with a hand mic. That way I can control the mic subtly, such as moving it closer or further away with my hand, and I can use it live as it is. I enjoy doing things like creating delay-like effects using only my own live voice, without using a delay device. I also enjoy doing things like making my voice sound quieter by using a live voice and a hand microphone instead of using a machine to reduce the volume or level. “AGITATED SCREAMS OF MAGGOTS -UNPLUGGED-” was recorded in one shot, but there's a clattering sound at the end. I did that by rubbing the hand mic against myself and banging it against the wall (laugh). I prefer the hand mic because I can act on my own ideas right away.

ーーDo you have any recent vocal practice tips?

Kyo：My vocal range has expanded, and people say that I must have practiced a lot. But I don't practice at all. I think of live performances as practice (laugh). When I record a song, the director will tell me how far the key has been extended. It was interesting to me, and I would think to myself, “Next time, I got this far, and then this far more.” There was a time when I played it like a strategy game, but I got tired of it now.

ーーDoes it have anything to do with the menacing thought, “If other guys can do it, I can do it too?”

Kyo：No, no, I have a very low opinion of myself. Other vocalists practice hard and put in a lot of effort. I always think, “No, no, I can't do it.” It's really impossible for me.

(END)

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#excerpt: deg players book

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