theveryworstthing

[theveryworstthing]

Winged Prophets.

a selection of mothmen. some deliver their warnings more gently than others.

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been really into rewilding our backyard this year. i set up a little pond surrounded with native plants and it's been really flourishing over the summer. here are sketches of some of the critters I've spotted back there 🌱.

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Space Ghost.

"Why were looking out the shuttle windows anyway? We're still in range of that old wreck, keep the shutters down until with get to the station.

Yeah, you probably did see someone out there. Shut up.

Close the shutters."

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Thorned Boar

powerful, intelligent, and incredibly hardy, these unicorns are said to be the ancient steeds of dwarves who would catch them and bend them to their mighty wills so that they could ride them into above ground battle! which has to be a joke, because if you ask any dwarf she'll tell you that no one is stupid enough to try and get one of these things to do ANYTHING it doesn't want to do. sure, they can be easily trained. in theory. but they might not learn what you want them to (or perhaps they'll learn too much) and if they don't like you they'll just leave.

some dwarves keep them, but by "keep" i mean a Sounder of these things decides to peacefully share territory for generations, or specific Thorns bond to specific dwarves for their own reasons and never leave. if you can somehow get that to happen, you're officially a part of their sounder and you have a loyal companion(s) for life. if not?

Stay. The Fuck. Away.

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Dragons?

goblins were not immune from the medieval humanoid urge to call anything too weird to be immediately categorized a dragon. here we have a selection of beings you'd find populating the illuminated manuscripts of older tomes as they are, and not as they're depicted after being seen once and passed from village to village via wandering storytellers. they are:

1: a Riven- not a dragon. these rarely seen beings are roughly described as a mix between selkies, mammalian mermaids, and water spirits. deep in the supernatural category of mythological sea creatures, but not quite incomprehensible horror tier. like, they're spooky, but fully comprehensible.

2: a Fairy Wring- actually a dragon. these smaller dragons resemble either haphazard mushroom clusters or jellyfish depending on who you ask, but they're closer to cephalopods. they freely show other sapient creatures their hoards because they don't care about bits getting stolen. you probably won't be able to get away from wherever they spirit you away to without their help, and besides, everything ends up back in the sea eventually. even you. they just have to wait :)

3: a Silky Hydra- not a dragon. it's contested on whether it's even a true hydra. when a head is severed from the main body it seemingly awakens from death with its own fresh consciousness and sprouts a new body, which is closer to reproduction than a splitting limb. heads still attached to the main body think and move as one creature, but the "hatched" heads clearly act like separate individuals and are carried back to the Silky Hydra's nest to grow until their new bodies are big enough to set out on their own. the damaged neck stumps close quickly, and new head buds develop within a few weeks.

4: a Dryvern- actually a dragon. much like Rivens, they're rare and more on the supernatural side. despite having no wings and an abstract body plan, they are commonly found in places they should only be able to get to by flying, surrounded by vegetation thriving in strange, unsuitable conditions.

5: a Lapidrairy- unknown. often found in the abandoned hoards of dead dragons looking for...something. other dragons stay away from them, looking away and going still if one comes near. they will not say why.

6: a Fulgrace- actually a dragon. these flying serpents appear during storms, causing strange lightning phenomena. they relish in being struck by lightning because it removes harmful parasites, and the excess energy is stored in their ever growing antler-like sensory organs for future use. they communicate through crackles, pops, and deep electrical hums that are clearly understood by other sapient beings no matter their language. the sound doesn't actually matter, it's just the audio result of them messing with the electric signals in your brain to make you perceive whatever they mean.

7: a Queendrake- depends on who you ask. these are the adult forms of a specific kind of mandrake root that emerges from the ground every hundred years in one large haunting chorus. researchers fight over whether these mysterious entities are dragons, dryads, or the result of cicadas evolving really really weirdly. no one has a solid answer because Queendrake are far more concerned with carrying out whatever business they have to attend to before they burrow back into the earth than explaining their biological quirks. dwarven and dwarven adjacent communities see them as minor deities, referring to them as Goddess Veins.

8: a Glass Dragon- actually a dragon. not actually made of glass. their strangely flexible exoskeleton feels like something that could be glass but it's much more durable. they're mostly called glass dragons because of their ability to modify their bodies into a vast variety of shapes and colors by either creating or finding furnace nests every year. these are used to soften and shape their new growth. Glass Dragons with access to a furnace can survive just fine for a while, but eventually their hides might start to crack as layers grow over stress points and internal organs might even become too large for ill-shaped cavities. personality wise, they are mischievous and creative creatures who like to befriend artisans. which just means they WILL find their way into your workshop so that they can plop down and watch your process. they say that this is a Muse Service and definitely not them adding to their mental technique hoard while freeloading.

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more friend gift art/painting practice from my away times. two renditions of the snow maiden my friend made during one of our super rare snow storms, one realistic and the other more stylized, and a mischievous little Skooji from her dnd game!

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i haven't been posting but i've been doing some personal art here and there. these are all portraits of my friend's pets (who are also my friends) that i did as painting practice/gifts. i'm not the best digital painter but i think i captured everyone's charm points.

Beauty and Tiga (yes, she really did have beautiful intense galaxy eyes) have already crossed the rainbow bridge but my buddy Cinna is still kickin'. probably because she's a weird little fae creature who convinced herself she was a dog a century ago but still hasn't quite worked out how to act like one.

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i have once again been called upon to illustrate some creatures for a new ttrpg. if you'd like to see my rendition of the Goddess Of Death or a variety of cool bird and or cat adjacent things That Can Kill You, then head on over :)

Hi, this is a big post about my new TTRPG, Defy the Gods, which I’m Kickstarting soon. It’s a queer sword & sorcery adventure-romance set in fantasy ancient Mesopotamia. I was inspired by Conan, Clash of the Titans (1981!) and Princess Mononoke. (I've also got a BlueSky megathread going about it.)

Sign up for the Kickstarter here!

Art by Thalie Shelen! @thalieshelen

(Btw hi I'm Chrys, a queer, trans game designer in Columbus, Ohio. This will be my second published game. The first was a furry pack of nonsense called Raccoon Sky Pirates.)

Defy the Gods is sword & sorcery as a story game. My favorite PbtA games emulate specific stories and lead you to resonant emotional moments like you find in those stories. Here, I used PbtA to emulate sword & sorcery, with an emphasis on the romantic moments—but also plenty of metal 🤘. You use the flirtation mechanics (taken from Thirsty Sword Lesbians) to tempt, support, or thwart others. But then, you can roll too high (taken from Apocalypse Keys), where you get more than you bargained for. Like Conan running out of the Tower of the Elephant while it crumbles around him.

Also like Conan, you have a glorious destiny, but in this case it ain’t good. Rising to your most powerful self makes you monstrous, heralding your character’s end as a hero and their beginning as an NPC antagonist.

It’s a queer game. You can fall in love with anyone, or make them fall in love with you. But because the game is also about power, the gods and tyrants wait to stomp on you if your enticement falls flat. Like if you flirt with someone in the wrong neighborhood. Every character has their own arc, and one of the things I had the most fun with was making those feel like queer problems as well as ancient-world sword & sorcery problems.

Play a fierce Sword, chaos-loving Sorcerer, fugitive Revenant, mischievous Sailor, immortal-sworn Vessel, or wild-raised Wolfling. (All character portraits by Thalie Shelen @thalieshelen)

The Sword is big-hearted and violent. You have a move that lets you kill any human-sized mortal NPC within arm’s reach, without rolling, if you’re not already in combat. This always causes more problems than it solves.

While most players roll just 2d6 & add their stat, the Sorcerer casts spells by rolling a lot of dice & looking for patterns in them. If you can’t find any patterns, your sorcery runs amok. This chaos is kind of lovely. For instance, you're always changing your body—sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. But always gorgeous.

The Revenant is like Inanna, or if Eurydice made it out. They escaped the land of the dead. They aren’t who they were in their past life, nor who they were as a shade. They're still figuring out who they are now. Demons pursue them to claw them back to the Underworld.

The Sailor can call on a cast of past friends and lovers for help. They always have a plan, and an eye for the exit. One of their moves lets you fill in the map of the otherwise unknown world.

The Vessel is in love with a minor god. They channel their patron’s power by wounding themself, but their patron can also soothe their pain.

The Wolfling was raised by animals in the Wilds and is curious about the humans, but they belong in neither world. They're definitely the part most directly inspired by Princess Mononoke.

The World Forces are the antagonist. You build them at the table, in quick rounds of pick lists. They are:

The Pantheon: gods, goddesses, and demons. They make the rules, but maybe you can break them.

The City: tyrants, the wealthy, and others with the gods' blessing. They push you to the margins, but you can fight to be seen.

The Wilds: gigantic creatures and their trackless wilderness home. It's place of danger and new rules, but you'll probably break them.

The Shadow of Atlantis: long-gone elders. They dared to scorn the gods, and the Pantheon destroyed them for it, but through you they may live again.

Death: a hungry, totalitarian force. Its underground domain is the end for all mortals and the mockery of hope. But maybe you can return.

Art by Shan Bennion! @anonbeadraws

This was an intensely personal project, but it was too big for me to do by myself. Here are all the people who helped make it a reality:

Avery Alder: Design advisor

Basheer Ghouse: @basheerghouse Cultural consultant

Cat Tobin: Horizons Mentor https://www.pelgranepress.com

Cris Viana: Graphic designer & layout artist

Ezra Rose: Interior art

Kanesha Bryant: Interior art

Katrin Dirim: Interior art

Jaqueline Florencio: Cover art

Lyla Fujiwara: Developmental editor https://www.jarofeyes.com

Mary Verhoeven: Interior art

Omar Ramadan-Santiago: Cultural consultant

Rae Nedjadi: Developmental editor https://temporalhiccup.itch.io

Rue Dickey: @ilananight Copy editor

Sean D’souza: World-builder & writer https://linktr.ee/seandsouzax

Shan Bennion: Interior art

Thalie Shelen: Interior art

(art by Shan again! @anonbeadraws)

Thanks for reading! See the Kickstarter here!

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for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

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i have a bluesky now just in case that's something y'all are into. same name over there.

personally, i've always hated how twitter is set up, micro-blogging makes my eye twitch. i need to lore dump about my weird little guys. but i have to Social Media for job and staying connected with other artists reasons.

every day i am closer to making my own dang website.

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for all the treats halloween provides, the biggest trick this year was being too busy and forgetful to burn this quarter's fun money at the Shortbox Comic Fair.

comics by my favorite creators...comics by new cool artists...lost to me...the curse of timezones...

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Masked Ants are some of the only ants that produce silk, which is used for many things, but most notably, for mimicry. These ants build false "bodies" out of silk, debris, and clay throughout the year, and then most of the colony inhabits this creation to roam humanoid populated areas on fall nights when the weather permits. They're mainly on the hunt for sugary substances to stock their winter larder, and locals in areas native to these creatures commonly leave out unwrapped sweets that are old, ruined, or simply not to the person's taste. These people say that the generous offerings keep the ants out of their homes and surprisingly docile. Masked ants are also said to ward off mischievous nature spirits in folklore, so they're seen as an unsettling but endearing sight every Halloween season.

Hannah Blanke suggested rejected candy monsters over on patreon, so ants be upon ye.  

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a few halloween flavored ocean friends inspired by Trip Space-Parasite's requests for an accursed shrimp and deep sea trick or treaters over on patreon.

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y'all thought I was done Halloween Posting? fools.

here are a couple of besties ready for a night out on the town. some people get accidentally turned into vampires at age 45 and panic. others quit their shitty jobs, make friends with a bat, and enter their bimbo era.

if/when your time comes, choose wisely.

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The 1st Headless Hauntings: The Successes

The ritual was very particular so it's honestly incredibly impressive that it worked twice, but no one ever really talks about that fact because then people start to ask how many times it failed.

It didn't matter much anyway. Once the young ladies (a disgraced maid and a lost traveler, no one "worth missing" in their former lives) properly settled into their Debirth, they both had a lot more...agency...than anyone expected.

Very particular that ritual. Very rough translation that's missing important information like, "will the victim remember what we've done?" and, "does listening to us mean that they'll obey or does it just mean they'll hear what we're saying?"

LOT of assumptions made there.

The ritual stopped long ago, and many who were involved met mysterious tragic ends, but the Successes remain as translators, seers, and psychopomps to those who either need someone with the mortaliminal knowledge to lift the veil for them, or someone with the common sense to shoo them away before they become a danger to themselves or others.

These days they find their way of not-life fulfilling, and sometimes downright adventurous. But at the core of all their wandering between realms, leading people in and out of the endlessly branching afterlives that make up the concept of death, they're really looking for one which will let them put their work aside and stay for good.

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The 2nd Headless Haunting: Alas

The whole Conjoined Thing made the boys assume that they'd always die together. It made biological sense. That's how it was supposed to happen. And besides, the other alternative was incredibly terrifying in a nearly unthinkable way (even though they both agreed that it would make for an absolutely fabulous gothic horror stage play). So when they were carried out of the theater and rushed to the hospital, there was a strange sort of comfort blanketing all the pain and fear that at least they were together for whatever happened next.

Jeremiah died that night. Johnathan died five and a half years later.

Kind of.

They'd both had a lot of time to think after Miah "moved out" (moved on didn't feel entirely appropriate for some reason. Probably because his torso was still. You know. There.), but it seems that their separate introspections synced up enough that when John's heart finally gave out and they saw each other on different sides of The Tunnel they silently stared through the dark for a good long while before both brothers turned back the way they came.

They'll meet again someday. Despite what a few incredibly dramatic screaming fights as teenagers would tell you, they do love each other. No longer being physically conjoined didn't mean that their bond was broken, or even weakened. They just both independently decided to have a little more alone time.

John now spends his undead career being an appropriately spooky Omen, haunting the theater scene, and serving as a psychopomp for broken child stars and disabled entertainers. He also wears his bother's head, keeping it tied to his neck with a thick ribbon of hair. Miah was always the prettier twin in John's opinion, and the entire body is his now so why not? If he's feeling really spooky (or generally Emotionally Weird, it's hard to tell the difference with him) he carries around his head Yorik style and alternates talking through them both.

You know. Normal theater kid stuff.

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The 3rd Headless Haunting: Selkie and Kelpie

She'd have been way less angry if he'd done more than the bare minimum to get away with it.

He was always a good storyteller, maybe one of the best. But she had no idea how, after tossing her beheaded corpse off the cliff by the sea and forcing her horse to follow, he had stumbled into town covered in blood with strands of her hair still wrapped around his fists and got people believing that she was a selkie who'd taken her skin in a fit of jealousy and left poor ol' him alone and broken hearted (and able to marry that poor stupid girl he's been in a badly hidden affair with).

Maybe people just didn't like her? A secret lifelong resentment is the only way she could explain how readily they believed that shifty, silver tongued, sack of cow shit. Fakest crying she'd ever seen. No snot. Unbelievable.

They didn't believe any of the other fae bullshit that's been happening around here for generations but selkies? Well of coooooourse those are real. This time. They weren't when her poor granddad was telling stories about how his mother took saltwater baths sometimes and searched the farm like a woman possessed in between chores any time his father was gone for more than a day. They weren't when poor little Mary said the "seal man" made sure that they had a nice fish dinner every night when her father got too deep in the bottle to feed his children. But now, OOOOOOH now, everyone's big on selkies! Selkies everywhere! rich local history, proud seaside folktales, respect for blah blah blah.

Lying bastard couldn't have possibly known that her blood in the water would call to those who shared it.

Time to ride into town and try out her new teeth.