#The Dummy That Saved Earth

[monkeyssalad-blog]

Captain Future / Spring 1942 (Vol. 4 #1) by Michael Studt Via Flickr: Captain Future / Magazin-Reihe > Edmond Hamilton / Captain Future: Outlaws of the Moon > Arthur K. Barnes / Guinea Pig > Jack Williamson / The Alien Intelligence (Part 1 of 3) > Graph Waldeyer / The Dummy That Saved Earth cover: Earle Bergey Editor: Oscar J. Friend Better Publications / USA 1942 ex libris MTP www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/pl.cgi?256465 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Future en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earle_K._Bergey

[cosmicthoughtzalign]

I’m not moved tho fr cause #HE will try and act like a savior over this app & I cant stand him or his cult

This is going to be the next stimulus check, this is why republicans win every-time cause they get how idiotic & moldable americans are 😞

I just dropped to my knees they banned tiktok fr & its only 5 in the afternoon where I’m at lmao i hope they kts fr.

ALL OF MY SAVED IS GONE

[ma1dita]

to see the chaos through

 a 'partners in crime' installment - luke castellan x dionysus!reader words: 4k summary: (established relationship) The one where he remembers he was never a good guy, just yours. Luke makes the ultimate deal with the devil in order to save you. (Luke Castellan x fem!Dionysus!reader) a/n: mentions of blood, implied death. im baaaack. fucking finally. read the end scene of solipsism after this if you want something extra (edited)

—

Moisture licks at Luke’s heels as he straightens his back, stretching towards the sky in an effort to crack his sore joints. The sprinklers do nothing to ease the sizzling heat on the island and he meets your eyes across the matted rows of greenery. 

“You’re getting sunburned, idiot.”

The words fall from your lips with no malice, sweet like the strawberries you’ve been picking in the afternoon sun. Luke’s cheeks are equally red from the sweltering weather, more so now that you lean up to kiss him as you pass by, tossing strawberries into one of the crates with a gentle smile on your face. 

Tease.

You’ve got this boy wrapped around your finger, pulling him towards your direction like a lovesick cartoon character with only a simple glance. He watches you stroll away, biting his lip as his eyes trace your figure calling out, “Get back here, pretty girl...” The stupid smirk on his face is outlined with sweat and he grabs the towel from over his shoulder to wipe it away. The son of Hermes follows the sound of your laughter to the next row over, feet moving swiftly through the soft earth passing through snickering children of Demeter until he grabs you from behind and swings you into the air, spinning, spinning….

“LUKE!”

It’s the end of strawberry season, which means that all hands are on deck with picking the rest of the ripe fruit to sell for the front they keep for the mortals that wander too far down Farm Road.

It also means that it’s Luke Castellan’s 19th birthday.

A fit of uncontrollable laughter and falling into your boyfriend’s arms means you’re close enough to count the freckles on his cheeks, speckled across his skin like a map that only you know where it leads.

“You look like a strawberry,” you giggle, poking the tender skin on his face. Luke smiles hard enough for your finger to sink in, the color puckering around the apple of his cheeks, and all of him moves jubilantly as he says, “You look like the love of my life. How about that?” He’s wrapped around you like a vine, hands tracing the skin that peeks out from under your cropped tee and you laugh again—scaring a few crows and sending them scattering into the sky. Summer is your favorite time of year for reasons like this—the days are long and you don’t hate passing time when it means there are more moments for Luke to press his lips against your neck and you swear his smile is seared into your being. Days like this make everything else fade into the background.

A berry hits the side of Luke’s head with a proper thunk and you hear someone retch dramatically.

“Hey dude, the rest of us are miserable here, okay? Get a room and stop macking on my sister.” Castor rolls his eyes, grumbling behind a squeaky wheelbarrow that keeps getting stuck in the dirt as he pushes past you. 

Can’t a guy catch a break on his birthday? 

Luke pretends to lunge towards him, tongue in cheek when he mutters, “Piss me off and I’ll make sure it’s your room.” You smack Luke’s big head, sending him into a fit of laughter as he raises his hands in defense, “What? Am I wrong?” He’s stepping around you now, grabbing the crate of strawberries from your feet so you don’t have to carry it yourself.

“Dummy. You think Delphi Strawberry Service will be able to sell all of these?” you say mockingly, changing the subject as your cheeks warm. Sweat sticks to you like a second skin, but it doesn’t stop you from grabbing Luke’s free hand, swinging it in the space between your hips as you walk towards the exit. 

Luke scoffs, “You mean do you think your dad will keep us working until July? Don’t doubt that at all…”

“THIRTY MINUTES LEFT BEFORE SUNDOWN, EVERYONE!” you call out to a chorus of cheers. Everyone was ready to get the day over with, hands blistered and knees sore from crouching into the bushes—everyone, except Luke, who’d do anything but go down for sleep tonight. He wasn’t even supposed to be on berry duty today, but what else is a guy supposed to do on his big day when he can’t even spend it with you? 

This must be the gods’ idea of fun—ordering their spawn around to do the dirty work for them. Delphi Strawberry Service in itself is a scam; so many gods have kids that they don’t want to provide for, and so Camp Half-Blood earns its keep, working hard to make sure there’s enough money for supplies to help stay afloat. New linens, clothes for those that need them, repairs to the infrastructure—all the things children shouldn’t be worrying about in a so-called safe haven. 

The gods aren’t very generous with their gifts as legends make it seem, hiding behind fables and fiction, peace offerings, and material throwaways once a year if they’re lucky to get a happy birthday. Or in Luke’s case—even less than that. His dad hasn’t made himself known since his quest, and therefore today is just another day. 

Your hand squeezes Luke’s three times to get his attention, “You okay, babe?”

He readjusts the wooden crate he’s been balancing on his shoulder, not realizing that you’ve already reached the dirt path that leads back to the heart of camp, “Mm. Just thinking—hey, where did you want this again?”

“S’not what I asked…” you drone with an upturned quirk of the lip, poking his nose playfully as a strawberry grows from your fingertips. Luke pops it in his mouth with an almost cartoon-like SLURP! making you recoil as your face scrunches up, “Angel…”

“You know, the ones you make are better than anything nature can make right?”

Pulling your finger back from his lips, you give him a skeptical sidelong glance, “Demeter willing. You know you don’t have to flatter me anymore— I’m already your girlfriend.” He sets the crate down on a nearby cart, tugging you closer with the hand tangled to yours, “I know. But I like how shy you get when I do,” he smirks.

“Hey,” you chuckle, grabbing his chin, “I kinda really love you, if that wasn’t obvious enough.” Luke’s hands pull you in by the belt loops of your shorts, thumbs rubbing at your hips and the full-blown smile that takes over his face looks like sunlight parting through clouds on a summer day. You’ve noticed he looks surprised every time you say it as if he’s hearing it for the first time each time—like there’s a part of him that still can’t believe you.

“Couldn’t tell,” he jokes, kissing you anyway. It’s maddening—the feeling of his lips catching onto yours like he’s holding onto every part of you and breathing life into it. His tongue swipes against your bottom lip and you smile in response, letting him in and opening up for him to uncover whatever he wants. Your lip tugs on his bottom one as you pull away just to find him pouting ever so slightly at the disconnect, “Hey…”

“Happy birthday, Lu,” you grin, pulling the towel from his shoulder to wipe the sweat off his forehead. His curls are damp against his skin and he swipes the towel from your hands to swat you with it, “I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve told me that today. What I do want though, is more kisses…” he mumbles, hiding the flush of his cheeks. He doesn’t need a big celebration, or any token of appreciation from his dad—he already has what he needs. 

“Or all of you, if you’re feeling generous.”

You stare at him and bite your lip, looking over his shoulder to see the sun slowly dipping past the horizon and maybe there’s enough time… When your eyes lock again, the both of you are wearing wicked grins—he swings your full weight over his shoulder and you shriek in surprise, laughing the whole way back to your cabin.

—-

You’re fast asleep under the floral bedspread with a belly full of cake and exhausted from your own little celebration and Luke can’t find it in him to join you. 

Not yet, he’d rather stay up a while longer—-watching you breathe softly in tune with his heartbeat brings more comfort than anything else he’ll have to do. Luke knows he’s safer here, awake and sitting next to you. He watches over you like this most nights now, until his eyes feel heavy and sour with exhaustion until there’s no choice but to close his eyes. Straightening his back and lowering his legs from the top of the desk, it’s as if he’s a soldier standing guard. Perhaps he is in a way, though he’s coming to learn that he cannot protect you from himself.

Luke inspects you from the mess of hair that drapes across the pillow, to how delicate you look when there are no stress lines on your forehead. Sitting under the faint glow of the lamp, his eyes flicker from your sleeping figure to the blank pages in front of him as he hunches over the small space he’s carved out for himself in your room. The clock’s red glow reaches his fingers as he reaches for a pen on the corner of the desk. He needs a break.

12:14am.

It’s not his birthday anymore and Hermes couldn’t bother to even send a card this time. Luke wonders what about him repels his father—is it the fact he looks exactly like his mother? Or is it the fact that everything else about Luke is all him? His perfect son, the ultimate reminder of what could’ve been with May Castellan.

What does it mean to be made in the gods’ favor?

A classic hero’s tale, a life measured by the list of his accomplishments instead of being seen as what he was at the beginning of this—a child who wanted to be loved.

Luke knows what it’s like to be loved now—everything he knows about love is from learning to love you, which isn’t a lot, but he’s trying. His resolve is as steady as the hand that holds his pen now as he clicks it methodically. Maybe if his parents weren’t dysfunctional, maybe if he knew how to do this better—to exist better and make them proud, maybe his life would’ve had a different outcome. 

Maybe his only option wouldn’t have to be to kneel to a titan.

But would he still have you?

Luke purses his lips and flattens his palm against the paper, a crisp sound in the silence of your room sounding like a thunderclap as he thinks of what to write. This doesn’t even matter, in the grand scheme of things. The collection of scribbles collect dust in a box under his bed and there are no imminent plans to post mail to his hometown of Westport, but there is a type of gratification that comes with being able to put down the thoughts he cannot say aloud. He’s never been too good with words. In another life, maybe his mother would be able to listen—to advise, sympathize, and do as mothers do. 

But for now, this will have to do. 

He even finds himself writing down everything he can’t tell you.

Luke’s lost count of the times he’s cried himself to sleep in reverent prayer, the hunger pains from throwing his meals into the hearth—anything to apologize to his father and ask for it all back. Even now as he tries to find the words, he doesn’t know what this is. 

A confession? 

An apology? 

An explanation, perhaps—if everything gets fucked and goes to hell as most of his plans do, he wants someone, anyone to know the truth. Luke’s odds are slim and he’s used to getting by with the skin of his teeth. But he wants more now—and if Luke Castellan is anything, he’s determined.

You shift in your dream state, turning over in bed to face him and Luke smiles softly as he watches you. These past few months have felt like gasping for air from the moment he wakes to the moment he gives into the nightmares. They come as easy as breathing, whispers in his head pressing for him to make a move—to prepare for an inevitable war that will start and end with him. Being asleep feels like freefalling and he can only anticipate when he’s about to crash. This has to work. 

You have been nothing but kind to him, through the shuddery breaths in the middle of the night and cranky fits in the mornings. You are resilience personified; Luke is so sure of it—but the thing is, it makes him angry. Love is not written in the stars, he thinks, and if he has to weave the cosmos by hand to work in your favor, he’ll find a way. Luke knows that above all, he does not want to lose your love. 

Sleep pricks at the corners of his vision now, threatening to loosen the pen in his grip. He sniffs, adjusting his weight on the chair, and glances your way again, and then back at the paper on the desk, beginning to write.

Mama,

As I’m writing this letter, I fear that I’ve put the final nail in my coffin. It doesn’t feel that way right now—as I watch my girl snore softly against her pillow and the moon kisses her cheek in a way that I know I won’t be able to for much longer. I’m taking these last few quiet moments to admire and be grateful for what I have before I earn it back. 

A temporary loss will be worth forever with my soulmate. 

From the little I know about life and the amount of time I know I’ll spend loving her, I’m learning that soulmates are people who need all that you are and all that you already have in life. This trouble is proof enough. Everyone here at camp rarely sees one of us without the other, and Chris said that he wouldn’t be surprised if we came from the same star. But I think she’s vastly different than me and better for it. She is a different breed—something only an author can even begin to describe and much less be able for any regular person to comprehend. 

She exudes love for her family, friends, and even strangers. I often wonder what I ever did in a past life to deserve the experience, but if that was ever in my control, I must have done something right.

So this will have to be my last letter for now.

I have a lot of work to do to become the man she deserves. The glory is within reach—and with her by my side, I want to have it all.

Who else could help me best the gods better than a titan? 

I’m afraid there’s not much more for me to tell you—whatever comes after this, I hope she can tell you herself. I hope you find each other, and be proud of the things I’ll do to create the change we want to see in this world. I know the both of you love stories—I’ll need my best girls to take care of one another while I’m gone.

I’m scared out of my wits, Mama, but I don’t blame you for any of this. I know now that you’ve always seen this coming. 

Your son is destined for greatness. 

I never got to say this before I left, but I’m proud to be yours. The legacy I leave will show all of them how much I love both of you.

Even if you both end up hating me for it. 

I already do.

Luke

—

He stirs at the sound of you tiptoeing around your room, rubbing his eyes to see you throwing your clothes on. You’re a blur in the early light that peeks through the curtains, almost obscured by the shadows and catch your hip on the bedpost as you tug a boot on, “Fuck!”

“Baby?” he murmurs. His voice is thickly coated with sleep and crackles like fire, “What’s going on?”

“Didn’t mean to wake you, angelface,” you whisper, kissing his forehead lightly when you lean over his crumpled frame to grab your watch from the nightstand, “go back to sleep”. Luke chases after another kiss, leaning up like how sunflowers stretch towards the light—his thumb presses your chin down to let your lips linger against his.

“Still early, T.”

He watches you from his spot on the bed as you make your way to the door, glancing at the mirror, “Something’s wrong, Luke. There was an accident in the forge last night,” you pause, looking at him through the reflection, “someone’s dead.”The curtains push open with a screech, and Luke sits up abruptly.

“Who?”

Sniffing, you turn around to meet his eyes, “Someone from 9—I don’t know. I need to talk to my dad and sort it out.” Luke calmly pulls himself out from under your duvet, tugging his shorts back on in silence. 

“Where do you need me?”

Your eyes travel around the room like ricocheting ping-pong balls, stepping forward to gently ease him back onto the mattress, “I need you,” you muse softly, “to go back to sleep. What time did you get to bed last night?” Squeezing his shoulders, Luke looks at you with a sidelong glance, resting his cheek against your wrist, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But I do. I worry about you all the time.”

“Well, that’s my job—the worrying,” he swallows, stamping his lips against your pulse point, “I want to be there.” Luke tugs you closer, letting you melt onto him with a sigh and you whisper, “Don’t think we’re done with this conversation, Castellan.” Tugging at his scalp to meet him eye to eye—he swears you might be able to see right through his facade. 

“Castellan. Must be a serious conversation then,” he murmurs, wiping the sheen of drool off the side of your lip. Scoffing, you stand back up and toss a fresh shirt at him, “You can’t run from me forever. I mean it. Get to the forge and make sure the surrounding area is barred off. No one’s been in there yet, the nymph that walked in got spooked and ran off. I need to wake up Charlie and get him to the Big House before everyone else wakes up.”

The orange fabric glides over his head onto his shoulders and he momentarily loses sight of you. You’re in the doorway now, blowing him a kiss, “See you in an hour, tops. And then we’ll talk about what’s been keeping you up at night.”

“I don’t know why you keep asking me that when the answer is always you!” Luke chuckles, taking the easy way out of the situation at hand.

“Not all the time. Surely, you’ll tell me her name later?” you chide as you make your exit. He laughs to himself. 

If only you knew. 

—

Luke takes his time getting ready for the day, thinking of last night. He had been promised the world and more, but only had one negotiation. 

He asked Kronos for you to not get hurt. 

Luke felt like a fool—to humbly ask a titan to not kill his girlfriend so that he could be the soldier that was needed of him. And he was presented two options: to have you join them, or to have you be cast away.

“She has control over insanity, you say?” Kronos’ voice rumbled through the dark hall. It was their established meeting point in Luke’s mind, somewhere where he could keep the titan separate from his thoughts of you.

“She’s not part of this, sir. I said that already,” Luke grits, steeling his resolve.

“And why not? She’s the bastard spawn of a lunatic. Either we make use of her, or you leave. There are no distractions that will interfere with this plan, Luke. I won’t allow it.”

He clenches his jaw, “She’s…” he swallows, “too weak. She has a family, and people she cares about–it won’t be easy for her to turn. No one’s hurt her yet.” Luke thinks about your tumultuous relationship with Mr. D—and how at the core of it, tough love is still love.

He can’t say the same about himself with his father.

“Yet.”

The silence hangs between him and Kronos, and Luke slowly nods. No one will hurt you like he will, he knows this. He also knows that no one can love you like he does now. Two things can be true at the same time, even if they both hurt.

“The more you have the more you desire, Luke,” the titan rumbles, “it’s best to cut your ties before we’re in the thick of it.”

“I will, when the time comes,” Luke says solemnly, knowing what he has to do.

When he finally treks toward the armory that morning, the air around him is almost revitalizing, crisp, and cool with goosebumps cascading across his arms. The main door creaks open with a tired whine as he moves swiftly towards the scene of the crime. It reeks of blood now, pungent and metallic—Luke is careful to mind his step as he reaches what he came for.

Stepping over the body, he averts his eyes toward the gleaming sword in the child’s grasp.

Backbiter.

It’s heavier than he thought it would be, carrying the means to an end of everything both mortal and immortal. Celestial bronze and tempered steel feel delightful in his hands once he rips it out of the pale hand of its creator. There’s a sense of power that reverberates through the air as his new weapon takes its position, slotted against his hip. 

Time is in Luke’s hands now, to manipulate and play with—for once, he’s in control of his fate. No deadbeat god of luck required. Brown eyes flicker to the stone floor, kicking the skinny arm of the slain Hephaestus kid aside. Mary, he thinks her name was— a tiny little thing who didn’t speak much. It was easy to dote on her with his charming smile and concerned counselor act that he throws on for the younger ones. She was like putty in his hands, pliable and willing to impress THE camp hero. The thought almost makes him laugh. 

So he does.

“Sorry,” Luke mutters, void of feeling anything. It’s too late to feel bad now—though he can technically rewind through time if he wanted to, it wouldn’t be for her. Luke’s meddling with enough as it is—he decides he’ll do something fun instead. 

He deserves this really, choosing something for himself.

But the choice is still you. Luke thinks about where he wants to go first—to seal the deal with Kronos by seeing a future you, happy in the world he created. The veins in his arms flex as he slashes through the air with his new gift, a smile cutting through the jagged scar on his cheek.

As the wind whips through his hair and everything goes dark, he realizes that there’s a part of him that gets it now—why Hermes likes to travel through time so much. Time is elastic when it’s not linear, he feels himself floating between seconds, hurtling towards you, and feeling like he’s in a tube on a lazy river. It’s almost unusual, but to Luke, time sort of feels like a father’s embrace. Or maybe what he imagines it to be like.

When he opens his eyes, he sees you standing in front of a mirror across the room—knowing now that this will be his biggest break yet.

—

“You who suffer because you love, love still more. To die of love, is to live by it.”  -Victor Hugo

[keerysfreckles]

omg i just rewatched mamma mia. what about luke as sam and the reader (child of apollo) as donna. like luke doesn’t turn to kronos but him and the reader break up so she disappears off the face of the earth (aka she runs off to greece). thalia’s tree somehow gets poisoned and the oracle sends luke, percy, and annabeth to go look for the camp’s former best healer. they reach a remote greek island and find the reader there, working as the local nurse/healer (and if you want, they also find out she has a little baby girl, sophia aka sophie 🤭 lmao luke and reader as teen parents). so much angst lol

the name of the game — luke castellan

pairing: luke castellan x apollo fem!reader

warnings: use of y/n and she/her pronouns, HEAVILY based on mamma mia (my fav movie ever), angst angst angst!!!!!!

a/n: i literally watched mamma mia here we go again today i love both movies with all my heart ALSO THE PJO SZN FINALE???????? HELLO?????????????

masterlist !

꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱

y/n l/n didn't plan on leaving camp half-blood.

she didn't plan on leaving her siblings and close friends, and her boyfriend. well, now ex boyfriend.

that was too complicated for her to even understand. one moment luke wanted everything to do with her. he wanted to be around her 24/7, and show how much he appreciated her. but recently he got distant, and wouldn't explain why.

y/n hated confrontation, so she decided to just ditch camp all together after the couple officially split less than 24 hours ago. she doubted anyone would go looking for her.

oh how wrong she was.

annabeth chase and percy jackson were on a hunt for luke castellan.

they were given direct orders from chiron to find the child of hermes. neither of them dared to question the centaur, making them search for luke as quick as they could.

annabeth's shoudlers dropped in relief once they came across luke. he was practicing his sword work against a dummy made out of hay and old fabric.

"do you have any idea why chiron would send us looking for you?" annabeth was straight to the point. percy was standing beside her, just as determined to get answers.

luke shrugs, "is there another new camper?"

percy shakes his head, "he seemed pretty urgent about it. you might want to follow us back to the big house."

the trio walked in silence back through the woods and through the cabins until they got to the big house. chiron was waiting for them anxiously at the end of the steps.

"thank you percy, annabeth," chiron thanks them for finding luke. "i'm not sure if you three are aware, the camp may be in danger. thalia's tree has been poisened. we aren't sure how or why, but all we need is the solution. a healer."

chiron looked towards luke when he finished his statement.

"again, i'm not sure if you're aware that y/n of apollo cabin has been missing since late last night."

all three have different expressions of shock on their face. luke however is mostly hurt. he couldn't believe y/n would just run off like that. he wondered if it was from the argument they had.

"i'm sending you three to go find her, and bring her back safely in order for her to save the tree and the camp," chiron instructs.

"we don't even know where she went," luke points out.

"yeah, she could be anywhere in the world," percy adds.

annabeth looks between the two boys, "wasn't she saying how if she could get away for the weekend she'd go to greece?" she ends her observation while looking at luke.

the boy quickly nods, "yes. she always loved the idea of," he pauses and his voice gets quieter, "running away to greece together."

after a moment, chiron speaks again. "so it's settled. you three will go search for y/n, daughter of apollo, and bring her back to camp to heal thalia's tree and save the camp. good luck to you all."

—

"we've been in this boat for hours," percy groans.

annabeth stops steering the large boat as luke stops tying a rope. they both turn to him.

"we've been on the water for maybe twenty minutes seaweed brain," annabeth teases.

"wait," luke walks closer to the younger campers, "if your dad's poseidon, why can't you just push us all under water through like an air bubble?"

"it would look a little suspicious if three teenagers showed up to an island with no boat and dry clothes," annabeth mentions, making luke's idea sink to the bottom of the ocean.

luke speaks up again, "what if y/n doesn't come back to camp with us?"

annabeth and percy don't have an exact answer for luke. that only makes him worried this quest won't work out in their favor.

"we'll cross that bridge when we get there," annabeth responds. "right now we just have to get to greece."

—

after docking their own boat at the port of athens, the trio was quick to buy three tickets for the local ferry. annabeth grabbed a map as luke and percy were trying to figure out the best method for finding y/n.

they agreed to search all the islands as quick as humanly possible. they'd ask locals if they knew of a strong healer, and if any of them were given an answer that resembled the idea of y/n living there, they'd know to check that island.

after searching through three and a half different islands, getting on and off multiple ferries, and still with no luck of finding the apollo girl, the trio was debating on giving up. until annabeth looked at the map again. she mentioned to luke and percy about one more island where y/n might be. it was much smaller so they could search more thoroughly.

it was almost sunset once they reach the island, meaning they had maybe an hour or two to find y/n in the daylight.

the trio split up as soon as they stepped foot onto the dock. percy searched the perimeter near the edges of the water. annabeth searched through the bundles of shops and hotels. while luke searched through abandoned looking buildings.

as all hope was feeling lost, luke noticed a building of to the side of the commotion. there was a dirt path leading up to it, with no shops or houses surrounding it.

he could only hope and pray that y/n would be inside.

the inside of the building did not match its exterior. the outside looked as if it was going to fall apart at any gust of wind. however the inside was much more lively than luke expected it to be. there were people inside rushing to get past one another. it seemed as if they were all rushing to get to the same person.

luke pushed through the small crowd, and all the air left his lungs when he saw y/n. she was helping someone from the island, who seemed to have a deep cut on his leg. luke could finally guess this was the hospital on the island.

"y/n," luke spoke up, making the commotion in the room subside.

y/n and luke's eyes locked. neither of them were sure what to do.

y/n excuses herself and drags luke outside by his wrist.

"what on earth do you think you're doing here?"

"i had to come and find you," luke tried to explain but y/n only cut him off.

"so you just followed me? i seriously don't want to be around you luke. i thought running away from you and camp would've gotten that through your head."

"y/n i didn't chase after you to try and fix this," he gestures between the two of them, "there's a serious problem at camp."

y/n chuckles, "what? did peter fall off the climbing wall and scrape his elbow again? or did sophie run into a tree for the fifth time this week?"

"y/n this is serious," luke tries to tell her.

"you can't be serious. you dragged annabeth and percy with you?" y/n gestures to the pair walking towards them with urge in their steps.

"i didn't drag them here, please you have to come back to camp," luke tries again.

"is he telling the truth?" she asks percy.

he nods, "thalia's tree is in danger, and so is the camp."

"why didn't you start with that idiot," y/n hits luke's arm before running back inside. she was quick to grab her things. she kind of threw everything into one bag that she might need at camp. most of her healing equipment and a change of clothes.

—

the boat ride back to long island was awkward, to say the least. percy and annabeth were both asleep in the downstairs area of the boat, while luke and y/n were dealing with directing the boat back to camp.

luke was steering, while y/n was sitting beside him. an awkward silence filled the air.

"what made you go to greece?" luke asks, not expecting the girl to answer.

"i just needed to get away," she busies herself with her rings on her fingers.

"from me?"

"from all of it. i just needed a break."

silence falls upon the two again. y/n only moves over to lean her head against luke's shoulder, instantly catching him off gaurd.

"i'm sorry i left," y/n admits, her voice as quiet as a mouse.

"you had your reasons. it just caught us off gaurd, that's all."

another beat of silence passes.

"that night, of our argument, i found something out. about us," y/n turns to face luke. he does the same to her, not caring about steering the boat at this very moment.

"i don't even know how to tell you," y/n rubs her hands over her face. luke simply takes her shaking hands into his, and runs his thumbs over her knuckles.

"i'm pregnant."

luke's world stopped. maybe he thought he was just hearing things. the waves probably distorted y/n's words.

after luke still didn't respond, y/n started explaining herself.

"i was worried you wouldn't react too well to it. so i figured not telling you would be the easiest thing to do. and coming here, to greece, was the best bet."

y/n's heart broke as she watched luke stand. he silently put the steering wheel in it's locked position, before going down the stairs where the four twin beds were.

y/n knew she fucked up. she didn't know how to fix it. or if it could even be fixed.

[abstractnaturaldisaster]

is it over now? (was it over then?)

part four

part five: i was hoping you'd be there

Robin managed to keep her shit together for approximately ten minutes after she stopped watching Steve make his way through security and into the depths of the airport. In the ride back to Steve's place, her leg was shaking so much Nancy discreetly grabbed Robin's pinky and held it in the back of the car.

The rest of the trafficky route back to Steve's all Robin could think about was how to fix things. She knew Steve didn't tell her about Eddie so she could fix things and Steve didn't run off to Italy to hide from everything but the situation still bothered Robin. She hadn't known Eddie for a terribly long time but he made her dingus happy so she held him in relatively high regard. It didn't make sense for him to just cut tail and run without leaving some sort of door open for a resolution and Robin was going to her darndest to figure out how on earth she could find that crack.

When they got back to Steve's apartment, Nancy didn't let Robin go long without asking for an explanation.

"Robs, babe, what is going on?" Nancy asked.

"I need to figure out how to solve Steve and Eddie." Robin answered.

"I don't think Steve wants you too. He seemed pretty resolved to close that chapter." Nancy urged.

"I know what he said but that's not what he wants. Also Eddie is a huge dummy if he doesn't realize how good he had it with Steve and also that Steve would never cheat on anyone. Especially not after y'all's whole thing. No offense." Robin continued.

"Okay so we aren't letting this go. What's the plan?" Nancy asked.

"Thanks for your support, love. I just can't figure out why Eddie jumped to the conclusion that you and Steve were together again. I mean no offense but like that ship very publicly sailed," Robin said.

"I'm trying really hard not to take offense but the more often you say it the more I am having trouble not being offended," Nancy snarked.

"Sorry, dingus wormed his way into my little heart long before you so I still gotta give you shit over soulmate solidarity. But back to the matter at hand. Eddie only assumed you would only be visiting Steve if you were trying to get back together when really you were coming to see little old me. So what if I came out. Like what if we came out? And shared some of the pictures from like super early on and thanked Steve for being a great friend for many years when I wasn't ready to take that step," Robin knew she was rambling but, hell, she was on a roll.

"Are you ready for that? I'm happy to take your lead on all this. It's not like we haven't already told everyone who is actually important to us. I mostly write freelance nowadays anyways so there isn't really some big bag corporate overlord I need to worry about. You know Steve doesn't need you to do this? It's one thing if you're ready to come out on your own, it's a whole different thing to do it for someone else," Nancy counseled.

"I really think I'm ready. I'm sick of Steve feeling like he needs to come to everything with me and you're stateside a lot more often and I'd love to go out on dates without the next day having like a million articles speculate if you're trying to move in on Steve. I think it's time," Robin rationalized.

"All right, then. We're doing this. Should we use this as an excuse to make Jon take cute couple pictures of us?" Nancy giggled a little at her suggestion.

"Yes! Perfect. Get him over here. Operation Save Dingus from his Self Sacrifice is a go!" Robin jumped up on the couch to make her point and Nancy immediately had to come to her aid as she wobbled enough to lose her balance.

Robin was excited. She was ready for the next step with Nancy and if it helped Steve get out of his own head and/or convinced a certain metalhead with very few remaining braincells to get his head out of his ass then so be it. Robin couldn't wait to think of all the sappy shit Nancy would pretend to be annoyed at she'd be able to do now. Steve would be back in a few weeks so Robin anxiously awaited Jon's response and started several caption ideas in her notes app.

part six

@lololol-1234 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @zombiethingy @grtwdsmwhr @dreamercec @anne-bennett-cosplayer @strawberryyyenthusiast @mensch-anthropos-human @kal-ology @ttyrussss @kristmkris @starman-jpg @wonderland-girl143-blog @child-of-cthulhu @legalmenace87 (if you wanna be tagged in future parts feel free to comment! happy to add people)

it's not quite fixed yet but we are getting so close!!!

[earthlybeam]

All my Masterlist below

I’ve organized everything so you can easily find what you’re looking for without needing to scroll down My page. ❤️‍🔥🤌

Character list - Click here

Headcanons -Thranduil Gil-Galad Elrond Legolas Lindir Haldir Glorfindel Meludir

New year 2025 - Thranduil Gil-Galad Elrond

Underneath the Mistletoe- Thranduil Gil-Galad Elrond Haldir Glorfindel Legolas

Christmas elven winter- Thranduil Elrond Gil-Galad Celeborn Celebrimbor Haldir Lindir Glorfindel Erestor Meludir Elladan Elrohir

elves react to a daring surprise kiss from reader/you while drunk on wine at a festival - Thranduil, Elrond Gil-galad, Celebrimbor Lindir, Haldir, Elrohir, Elladan

Gems of the forgotten love, gift for future (thranduil) - Part 1 Another part learned lesson

A birthday of his own (Gil-galad)- Part 1 Part 2

Elves reacting their you saving their life’s - Thranduil, Elrond, Círdan Gil-Galad, Haldir Glorfindel, Celeborn Celebrimbor Legolas Elladan, Elrohir

Elves how would they react to their human s/o being so…human with their ‘odd quirks’ by elven standards - Thranduil, Elrond, Gil-Galad Lindir, Erestor, Glrofindel Celeborn, Haldir, Círdan, Adar Feren, Meludir, Galion, Elros Legolas, Elladan, Elrohir

Yandere/dark elves x female fairy reader - Thranduil, Elrond, Gil-Galad Glorfindel, Haldir, Lindir Feren, Meludir, Galion Elros Legolas, Elrohir, Elladan, Erestor, Celeborn Adar Celebrimbor

You Slapping their Butt and Calling them “Dummy Thick” in Front of Everyone - Thranduil, Elrond, Celeborn Lindir, Erestor, glorfindel Elladan, Elrohir Legolas, Meludir, feren, Galion, Elros Gil-Galad, Círdan, Haldir Adar

Elves reacting to human/mortal being human-self with openly affection and physically - Thranduil Elrond Gil-Galad Celeborn,Erestor, Legolas Galion, Elros, Feren Elladan, Elrohir Círdan Haldir Lindir Meludir Glorfindel Another thranduil, Elrond, Gil-galad

Elves with A bittersweet tale with heartwarming ending x mortal reader - Thranduil, Legolas, Haldir, Elrond

You who is initially afraid of elves but eventually warm up and befriend them - Elrond, Glorfindel, Elladan

Elves reacting to your ice powers - Thranduil, Elrond

Elves reacting to you being dragon - Elrond, Glorfindel, Legolas

Elves reacting to cheeky/snarky reader flirting with them - Celeborn, Gil-galad, Thranduil

Elves reacting to you Shapeshifting - Elrond, Glorfindel, Elrohir

You/reader surpassing lord Elrond at healing - Elrond

Feren x hobbit reader - Here

Princess of Mirkwood forbidden romance - Galion, Meludir

Elves reacting to you writing a book about them and that got popular - Elrond, Thranduil, Haldir

Elves reacting to their s/o being sad and how they would comfort them - Glorfindel, Elladan, Elrohir

Elrohir react to you being hurt - Elrohir

Tangled strands of affection - Elladan Haldir

Healing in the quiet: Elrond care - Elrond

The burn of the past thranduil’s dragon fire scar revealed - Thranduil

When the table turn: Hero’s need saving - Elrond, Gil-Galad, Círdan, Haldir, Legolas

A Touch of a home - Glorfindel, Feren

Gil-Galad Courtship x elf reader - Gil-Galad

Through his eyes, her perfection - Thranduil

A love unspoken, finally heard - Lindir

Mad science in middle-earth- Thranduil, Elrond, Legolas

Innocent Words, Flustered Hearts- Thranduil, Elrond, Gil-Galad Legolas

Bites of Affection: the Art of Being Bitten - Thranduil Elrond Gil-Galad

[aristia-pjoheadcanons]

percy x gn!reader taking a hit for him and almost dying while fighting a villian? if this makes you uncomfy no need to do it!

Percy Jackson x Gn!reader taking a hit, while fighting and getting critically injured/near death experience

It happened before he saw it. He only heard you grunt as you made your blow on the 6-foot monster. Its talions scraping the earth as it lashed around trying to snag the duo--But given !reader´s size they had the upperhand by being able to duck between the monsters legs and tail--far away from its humongous claws. This was until it had managed to scrape its long claws in !readers direction, wounding their leg so their knees buckled unexpectedly. They staggered as they tried to maintain their alance, as they whipped their head around they were met with a giant hand that grabbed them and squeezed really hard around their torso. Percy lept forward and slashed its fingers off, setting the !reader free. But it hurts somewhere deep in their hest and everytime they took a breath it made a very weird scratchy-rattling noise.

Then they saw it, Percy trying to distract it by slashing it repeatedly, like what he had once done with the practicing-dummy, and he ran in circles to make it lose its breath--but when Percy jumped and rolled out of its way, the monsters tail hit Percy hard enough for him to slam into the nearest wall in the cave. that wall being a 10 meters away. By some miracle, there was a river nearby, in which Percy would heal himself with--but they couldnt help your instincts screaming to save him. The !reader dashed across the hard stoned floor and managed to get a bad, long claw mark puncturing the flesh and bones that were there while trying to protect Percy. They looked down and saw that the claws had been able to not only scrape the flesh, but also gone straight through t heir body. Their torso immedietly ingulfed in hot red. It burned. They were downed, but only for a moment, before Percy unleashed a godlike tsunami that knocked the monster back until it fell on its butt from the wave. The next moments are a bit of a blur since !reader were laying far away from the fight. But here we are.

Headcanons: (you didnt specify if it was friend or as lovers, so were doing a bit of both + neutral ones)

Percy abandoned riptide on the ground as he ran back towards !reader, his anger faded into true worry.

"Cmon, cmon!" he muttered, as he dug through a bag of medical supplies. but it was only filled with ambrosia and nectar, which wasnt that useful with holes in peoples bodies and usually only used for wounds. Either way,

Percy gave it to !reader to keep them atleast sane from the pain.

The reader would definetly be thrashing in pain and full on screaming.

Percy would be sweating more than any normal, greasy teenager on earth in that moment-his hands shaking with shock.

He would get flashbacks to when he had nightmares of Sally getting beat up, even though he never saw that happen. "Our little secret"-Gabe would tell Percy but who knew?, maybe Sally went through physical abuse too?

He pulled himself together, shaking his head, his hair tousled in the way !reader liked, only this wasnt the appropriate scenario to think about how his appearance was better-than-most-boys.

Percy lifted !readers body and ran out of the cave, stumbled only a tiny bit because his body cant keep up with his mind.

He would be thinking about the way back, following familiar landscaped.

The background would just smush together-so the !reader wouldnt really know if Percy was getting close to somewhere with proper supplies.

Percy glanced down with a panicked expression and a frown while the !reader gurgled (trying to talk but its futile).

At some point !reader would choke on their own blood and Percy would stop almost slipping on the grass, lifting your torso a bit higher and forward. !reader grabbed hard onto Percys bicep, to get some control of themselves.

With only woods in the area and Camp Jupiter and Camp Half-blood being miles away (this was a quest after all),

his best bet would be to try to locate the sea. He would close his eyes, imagining the soft waves crashing-

but it only looked like a typhoon to him because of stress and hidden anger-he would hear it and sense it somewhere further away.

He quickly started running, his breath heavy-barely breathing, and his body sluggish almost dropping you out of exhaustion on his part but pure determination keeping your body lifted.

He dug his fingers in the !readers legs and he ran as fast as his heart could beat.

Imagine if he tripped on a root, barely even able to stutter an apology because hes so out of breath and having the urge to cry out of frustration.

If they died, he would never forgive himself.

Miracles happen, even to the unfortunate, he sees the sea closing in.

He uses his powers to draw a giant tide to engulf !reader in it, putting as much water pressure in their wound on both sides on the body to keep the blood inside.

He would just jump into the tide, wrapping himself and them into a water bubble.

Percy might have been on the swimming team and he might have jumped from 50meters in the sky and into water from Blackjacks back--

but this was the fastest and craziest thing he had ever done. Fishes in the area would splutter away from the intensity.

No creature had even time to see what they were seeing, t

it looked like a water bubble moving faster than the speed of light-Percy swam so fast they werent sure if they had truly sense the Prince of Poseidon here.

But even so, rumours spread quickly, "The son of Poseidon carving out a path in the ocean, [...]..creating a mess..."

He got himself to the palace of his father, dempanded attention immedietly. His wife, being home at all times, wathced from the altar the morificating sight of a pale, and weak body hanging on for dear life-she could sense death was closing in. But she wasnt going to let someone Percy truly cared about die while she was there.

She swam lightning fast to collect what she needed and got straight to work.

No words were spoken, nothing had to be said, Percys green eyes glowed as he watched from the ocean ground, !reader getting treatment while he stood powerless. Yet again, he had been made of pawn for the gods.

Percy would sit his ass down so fast on that damn throne and scream Poseidons name, thats right, not father. Just Poseidon.

His screamed carried out for miles in the ocean. Not even the God himself could ignore such a strong cry.

"What is it tha--" Poseidon couldnt finish his sentence when he saw a rage so deep on his sons face he almost didnt want to know why or who managed to set him off so badly.

"Fix it." Anger rushed in Percys vains, he could only take countless deep breaths, keeping his fists close to his sides and biting back a sneer. Poseidon looked taken aback, fix what?

The Seagod then glanced to the right and saw an unknown stranger in his temple, laying on the ground as countless creatures tried to help, fish, stingrays, shark, even mythical being helped with the treatment and tried to reassure Amphitrite that she was only doing her best.

"My son-" Poseidon couldnt make miracles, he cant just hand them out. Percy knew that, but he still cut him off because he didnt want to hear the same old words.

"Gods do not meddle in mortal affairs. That is why we are Gods". Percy couldnt help but have bitter thoughts to that.

"At least, make the hole disappear". Percy threw out his hand sin frustration, water starting to bubble around him as the temperature increased and his eyes glowed green in the ambient temple that was only lit by a couple of lanters/torches nearby.

"I understand youre angry but--" Poseidon would argue against him, even his son. Percy threaten to ask for help on his knees in front of another Gods and put shame on the family´s name, telling others that "not even Poseidon himself could do anything".

In the end, Poseidon had no choice. With a flick on the Gods hand and a wave with his tridant, !reader would escape from death this time.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

While the reader was passed out, because fo the amount of Godly help they got, their body was completely exhausted and fatigued of the amount of power that suddenly washed over them.

Percy floated back and forth rapidly, pulling his jet black hair apart.

The room seemed to grow hot and cold as if it didnt know which temperature it really was supposed to take.

The air buzzed with energy and grew somewhat tense, the sound of water was loud, vibrating - instead of a distant hum.

On land, boats would suffer tide after tsunami, making an appearance on the local news. "Giant wave warning! Dont go near the beach!". Some newsreporters were even saying that some evacuation mihgt be neaded, because the beach was suffering a flood.

The colour of the ocean had somewhat changed, at least where Percy was. The colour that was once bright and a pretty blue, were now a disgusting murky colour that looked like it had been filthy with trash.

As time passed Percy would suffer mental breakdowns and feel nauseous from replaying what had happened.

His stepmother would leave Percy alone, figuring that she didnt want to face his wrath.

After about two hours, when they had awoken, they could see a blurred image of a person sitting down on their bed. Percys was leaning his head in his lap and kept putting pressure against his head from a mighty headache he had given himself. His eyes shut and the buzzing in his ears muffling any sound of movement from !reader.

"Mh.!" One sound was all it took for Percy to make him pause and pull himself out of his chaotic headspace, before a look of relief washed over him.

It was almost cute how easily he gets happy when !reader is okay. Imagine a character from a TV-series seeing their loved one again is alive, its beautiful.

Percys eyes had a shimmer to them now, glossy from relieved happiness. He pulled them into a tight hug before he harshly pulled himself away, scared he might hurt you.

But them remember that that wasnt possible since they had fully healed.

"Ah.." Percy sighed in disbelief as he laid his eyes upon them. They were okay. A lonely tear ran down his cheek and they ushered him forward with outstretched arms.

A hug can say so much. It speaks on so many volumes. youre here. youre alive. thank god. oh my god i cant believe this. stop, this cant be real. oh my god. please dont leave me again.

He had a hard time talking after that. He kept hiccuping as he sobbed harder by the second. His body shook and seemed to incredibly frail, !reader could only wrap reassuring arms around him.

In the end, Percy would lay comfortably on the bed, next to them. And fall asleep from the events that had happened that very day.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was mentally exhausting how much he loved them. Not just to a normal degree, but to every single level. Percy just loves the people he holds close to much, he gets overwehlmed.

When he only had Grover in school, he could only rely on him. Annabeth and Tyson came and he finally had the power to protect. This time however, it had failed him. He couldnt protect them.

After this, Percy would train himself broken and damaged until he was sure that he could throw himself in front of them if it ever were to happen. Or that he could, perhaps manage to get on his feet faster or duck quicker and become more agile.

He would ask Chiron to train him or give him personal constructive criticism, but Chiron tells him hes already great-and cannot give anything.

Percy would pull so many muscles, slashing his sword with a brooding look on his face. He imagined it. over and over and over again. That monster that he couldnt defeat.

Because the fact that he couldnt protect them meant that he couldnt protect anyone. A failure to protect the people around him, is a failed quest.

He took it as a personal insult to his skill and who he is as a person.

He would ask Annabeth for battle strategies, insput on anything he can take in.

Spend time observing the !reader became a habit. Almost in a controlling or anxious way. He started doing in a subconscious way too. During dinner, his eyes would glaze upon the open area of tables, searching for them and making sure theyre safe.

After this incident, his eyes kept searching for danger. Anythign that could potentially ruin his peace.

If !reader was a lover, he would sneak into their bedroom to sleep in their bed. He had never done that before prior to the relationship but his anxiety would let him rest, he needed to be there.

He could also be more into PDA, slinging an arm around his friend / s/o´s shoulders as a way to ground himself.

He would feel the safest at sea and in his own cabin room, where he could truly have control.

At night, with Blackjack he would make sure the camp was safe and that the sea would be calm because any loud tides or tsunamis would distract him if there were potential threats.

Liked this post? Here are some similar ones: here and here

[crystalandrose]

So my idea for my version of evil ford is that his timeline splits at the science fair incident. This ford was paranoid enough to know stanley would somehow fuck up his chance, so he fixes the machine and takes the toffee peanut bag as evidence (maybe he also pulls security footage). So ford makes it into his college and stan gets punished (but not kicked out). Stanley runs away of his own volition due to the anger at ford leaving him behind and also ratting him out to their parents. Stan partly wants to prove hes just as good as his brother and also wants to prove it to himself.

This means Ford never met Fiddleford in college. Instead, after getting a lot more grant money than from Backupsmore, he goes to Gravity Falls and works alone. Eventually, after he makes the deal with bill, he realizes he doesnt have enough experience making computer things (sourcing parts and such) to do this alone (even if bill is helping him). So he puts an ad for a research assistant good with computers. Perhaps some of this extra grant money went towards pay, and Fiddleford took the opportunity. But having no real connection to Fiddleford, Ford is more up to use him as a tool to get what he wants. So when Bill says his use is up and its time to get rid of him, Ford obliges.

Maybe since he went to this fancy college he had an easier time making connections or doing schooling quicker. So this extra time means he spends more time in partnership with bill and the connections make it easier for him to make side money he can also funnel into the portal project.

This Ford also learns more about Bill's backstory because he connects more to Bill (disconnect from family, not feeling recognized, wanting a home with people that get him/etc). So this guy is more sympathetic and knows more about Bill's desires (create a nightmare realm). Maybe Ford rationalizes it as a good thing or thinks he can talk Bill out of some destruction, or maybe at this point he wants some revenge on the world himself. So hes still on board with the portal when Bill reveals its actual purpose.

However, maybe Stanley needs another place to sleep on the couch at and sees his brother in some headline or mentioned as an inventor for some product. Or his brother needs a test dummy that can speak for the portal so he calls him. Or maybe Ford wants to potentially say his last goodbyes before he goes into what he knows is potentially the end of earth.

Fight still happens, Ford wants Stanley to thank him for money hes sent the family, for not completely ostracizing him from the family after what he did, offering him a place to stay, idk. Ford fights him, Bill possesses Ford at some point as another try to prevent Ford from getting sucked into the portal. This freaks Stan out and he pushes him. Ford, holding journal 3 (which does not have pages ripped out), chucks it at stans head (not to help him but to literally hurt him). Stan is like "wtf did i just do" and shuts the portal down, reads through the journals and thinks Ford is unwillingly possessed by a demon and spends his days trying to get him back.

Ford and Bill are now stuck in the portal, going through dimensions trying to get back to Earth in order to reopen the portal and finish what they started. I think Stan is fully anti-cipher-ified, planning on killing bill as soon as he shows up again in order to save his brother. Im thinking this Dipper and Mabel got killed by zombies or something. So when Ford does get back, stan is there super unhinged and angry and somehow eventually kills bill, leaving no statue behind. Evil ford is like "wtf" and devastated, but keeps looking for a way to bring him back. Maybe this Bill, having not gained sympathy from the axolotl, decides hes not worth rehabilitation and so hes actually dead in this reality.

(Then "canon" bill opens up a reality rift and evil ford comes through, hoorah)

[haveyoulistenedtothisalbum-poll]

Tracklist:

Once Upon a Time • Start Menu • Your Best Friend • Fallen Down • Ruins • Uwa!! So Temperate♫ • Anticipation • Unnecessary Tension • Enemy Approaching • Ghost Fight • Determination • Home • Home (Music Box) • Heartache • sans. • Nyeh Heh Heh! • Snowy • Uwa!! So Holiday♫ • Dogbass • Mysterious Place • Dogsong • Snowdin Town • Shop • Bonetrousle • Dating Start! • Dating Tense! • Dating Fight! • Premonition • Danger Mystery • Undyne • Waterfall • Run! • Quiet Water • Memory • Bird That Carries You Over A Disproportionately Small Gap • Dummy! • Pathetic House • Spooktune • Spookwave • Ghouliday • Chill • Thundersnail • Temmie Village • Tem Shop • NGAHHH!! • Spear of Justice • Ooo • Alphys • It's Showtime! • Metal Crusher • Another Medium • Uwa!! So HEATS!!♫ • Stronger Monsters • Hotel • Can You Really Call This A Hotel, I Didn't Receive A Mint On My Pillow Or Anything • Confession • Live Report • Death Report • Spider Dance • Wrong Enemy !? • Oh! One True Love • Oh! Dungeon • It's Raining Somewhere Else • CORE Approach • CORE • Last Episode! • Oh My... • Death by Glamour • For the Fans • Long Elevator • Undertale • Song That Might Play When You Fight Sans • The Choice • Small Shock • Barrier • Bergentrückung • ASGORE • You Idiot • Your Best Nightmare • Finale • An Ending • She's Playing Piano • Here We Are • Amalgam • Fallen Down (Reprise) • Don't Give Up • Hopes And Dreams • Burn In Despair! • SAVE The World • His Theme • Final Power • Reunited • Menu (Full) • Respite • Bring It In, Guys! • Last Goodbye • But The Earth Refused To Die • Battle Against A True Hero • Power Of NEO • MEGALOVANIA • Good Night

Spotify ♪ Bandcamp ♪ YouTube

[keikakudom]

Is it wrong if I associate 'Love Like You' (Steven Universe) with RR! Staticapple/Appletv and/or Vox's relationship towards Charlie ?

Incidentally, Legally Blonde for Vox & Charlie - they even have Christian Borle, it's perfect!

WHEW, sorry for putting this question off for so long, I had to get the media dummies out of my head.

First off-- Like many Vox fans, I'm afflicted with Borleism, I can see a version(A lot of lyrical tuning, but the sentiment is there) of "Chip on My Shoulder" being applied to RR!AU Vox and Charlie.

But i'd love if it had a more reluctant twist to it, like Vox trying to cheer Charlie up after a huge setback in her efforts at redemption. In his own shitty way, like-- "yeah we Sinners fucking suck, what did you expect? But they're not impossible(read: gullible and easy to manipulate into doing what you want)...you could do it(not for me, duh. but you know. The OTHER Sinners.)!"

And then near the end of the song, it takes a sinister/selfish turn for Vox:

🎶First big inspection and she aced it, She's so close, I can taste it! I'm just *so* happy I could be there! 🎶

Now for 'Love Like You', this is a tricky one...

It's cute and works in a few regards, especially in the yearning for 'approval' sense. Unfortunately, my personal bias is to have Vox suffer, and this song is a little too...soft, hopeful, for my characterizations? I think he thinks he's beyond saving, which is why he feels very secure in his position relative to the Morningstars/at the resort.

This question did make me listen to some SU songs again, and here's what I got for RR!AU:

"Escapism" - Vox

"That Distant Shore" - Lucifer to Vox (my personal favorite association from these, I think it matches the best as-is too)

"Peace and Love on the Planet Earth" - Charlie as Steven, Peridot as Vox. Substitute Earth for Hell-- not as literal, but in the sense that just because you're in Hell, doesn't stop you from relaxing and being a good person! (EDIT: Actually, I also kind of like 'Be Wherever You Are' for them too)

More about this ^ : I think it would be very funny to imagine a scenario in which Charlie had Vox take a "Vacation day"/join the resort residents to an outing(like a beach episode or something), to which Vox was against for a myriad of reasons, but he spent the entire day being distracted and annoyed at Charlie's positivity and/or being frustrated with how patient she was with other people, that by the end of the day he was refreshed and realized that he hadn't had a single dismal/spiraling thought.

Thank you for the ask <3

EDIT 2: Adding onto this cause holy fuck, imagine that the 'chip' on Charlie's shoulder is a double intendere for Vox's association with her redemption project---

[tsmass]

Whenever gay Americans get angry abt what our government is doing to Palestinians (and why), there's always someone who loves to be like "Who's gonna tell these dummies homosexuality is illegal in Gaza?"

That's so crazy.

I'm a gay Texan in my mid 20s. When I was a little kid, homosexuality was illegal. Here in Texas, where I lived and where I still happily live.

So (TW "war" crimes) I guess it would've been fair enough if the U.S. and Israel had bombed me and my family and neighbors, our houses and jobsites and whole communities, the girls I played with down the street, my baby brothers, my grandparents at work, the trans Texans who used to meet up downtown in the city, everybody else etc. If they had deliberately driven us from our homes and forced us to live in terror every night and every day, maiming our children, burning our parents alive, attacking&cutting off our food and water, blocking our aid, methodically starving us out and telling us straight up that we needed to be scrubbed off the face of the earth so they could take everything we have and not worry about keeping it.

I mean, damn I guess we would've had it coming. Homosexuality wasn't even legal, right? Sounds like a Texas problem. What do I care what the gov spends all those $$,$$$,$$$,$$$ and lives doing?

*Just to be clear, gay sex between men was a crime here until 2003 (when I was definitely kicking around, painting my nails with markers and eating bugs).

If I wanted to see penalties that were exactly the same as (or often harsher than) what's been left on the books in Gaza (and maybe sometimes ? enforced), I just have to go back one generation to my parents' lifetime, when men were getting 10 years in prison and, unlike in Palestine, police were setting up sting operations to actively crack down on the gay problem (again, smth that doesn't even happen in Gaza).

This is not, like, a weird feature of some "foreign" culture to me, and it really shouldn't be for any American who isn't super young or who knows her history. That doesn't make it right (at all), but you can't believe the lie that "these people aren't like you". Pretending this has any relevance on the genocide other than to say that queer Palestinians are even more greatly impacted by it is crazy and disgusting.

-- This really doesn't need to be added, but if we're supposed to play this stupid game, Palestinians in the West Bank took their anti-gay laws off the books in the early 1950s, at the same time basically all U.S. state governments were creating new laws specifically targeting gay (and trans) ppl and categorizing gay sex as a felony with harsh prison sentences. Now should our American grandparents/parents have been starved and scrubbed off the earth?? I would say... No!

The laws in Gaza are definitely not good for gay and trans Gazans -- stigma is very real, and gay rights aren't explicitly protected under the freedoms and human rights guaranteed by the Palestinian constitution. This is wrong, but obv genocide makes it a million times worse and is indescribably more horrible for all Palestinians, queer and straight.

And I don't get how anybody living in the "anglo-sphere" can pretend like this is some distant culture we're talking about -- these laws were imposed by the British Empire on occupied Palestine in the 1930s and then left on the books. Incredibly, Palestinians are normal people, and I think there's a good reason so many lgbt's see right through this bullshit.

We understand that the same politicians who weaponize "family values" can condemn families to death to line their own pockets.

We've heard "save the children" from people happy to condemn children to the horrors of genocide.

And when bought-out politicians defend our gay rights, they still don't hesitate to drop bombs on our mangled gay bodies.

[musingmeaninglessly]

Watching Across the Spiderverse w/ Lo'ak & Neteyam (ft. Spider)

A/N; Since so many of us crossover into both these fandoms, I came up with this fun idea. Also, it was kinda inspired by the cute human drabbles that @littletrippyyhippyy writes! Hope y'all enjoy, I made myself laugh writing this, at least 😂

Warnings; Bit of swearing. Spider loses it. Lo'ak's a dummy. Spoilers for both movies, I guess??? Human reader. Kinda proofread.

Summary; You convince Neteyam and Lo'ak to watch Across the Spiderverse with you. They have some questions...

"OH. MY. GOD."

From your sudden verbal outburst, it's safe for the Sully brothers next to you to assume that you enjoyed the movie.

Across the Spiderverse, to be exact.

"That was incredible!! You guys liked it, right? Of course you did! You loved it! Tell me how much you loved it!!" you ramble, excitedly jumping up from your seat on the couch, turning to face your two Na'vi friends.

It had all been Jake's idea. Ever since you arrived on Pandora five years ago, his sons had become more interested in learning about human culture, from different foods to pop culture. The Sully patriarch had a feeling that their interest had piqued because of you specifically, but that was an avenue to be ventured down another time.

The brothers had happily agreed to watch this movie with you, despite having no idea what a spider is or why it should be attributed to any man. But, they couldn't turn down any time spent with you.

After begging Norm to somehow source the long-awaited sequel to Into the Spiderverse, you had ushered them over to the shack through the comms system. Whether you believed in the deity or not, you thanked God for Norm and his ways. Wi-Fi on Pandora was sketchy at best and just about held up for the odd email. Yet, somehow, Norm had got a hold of the new cinematic release so that you wouldn't have to suffer through streaming it.

And for you, it had been so worth the wait. You had loved every damn second. When Into the Spiderverse came out, you had been preparing to leave Earth. It was crazy to think how much had changed in the five years since you arrived on Pandora, a theme that had been mirrored in the movie.

Whipping your head round from the projector screen, where the movie credits rolled, Neteyam and Lo'ak would've marvelled at the joy lighting up your face if they hadn't been so damn confused. Neteyam looked as though he were about to say something but was continuously rephrasing it in his mind. Whereas Lo'ak just came straight out with it, amber eyes narrowed. "I'm confused..."

"By what?" you scrunch your face up. You had taken time to explain the whole premise of the Marvel universe to the brothers. Apparently they hadn't caught on just yet.

"Everything. Why could that Miles guy walk upside down? Why were there so many man spiders? And when will he kiss the blonde girl??"

"Lo'ak, I explained it all to you! Miles got bit by a radioactive Spider in the first movie, couldn't save his uncle Aaron, and you should know the rest!" you flop in between the brothers in an over-dramatic way, resuming your seat from earlier.

Lo'ak's brows knit together in a childish sort of way, but he smirks teasingly. "I can't ask questions now? Not my fault your dumb human movie makes no sense... OW!"

Neteyam's slap up the side of Lo'ak's head puts him back in his place. You exchange an amused glance with the oldest Sully brother, before giving Lo'ak a nudge in the ribs.

"Shut up, skxawng. Not my fault you didn't pay attention! The movie was amazing, right Neteyam?"

Neteyam looks a little caught off guard as you ask his opinion. In truth, he's a little confused by the story too, but he had paid better attention to your precursory Marvel lesson.

"It was...interesting." he muses thoughtfully, before Lo'ak cuts him off.

"I got another question! Why, Y/N, did you blush whenever that big guy came on the screen?"

His shit-eating smirk would have annoyed you if your thoughts hadn't been redirected to your favourite hunky Spider-Man.

"Oh, Miguel?" you ask before sighing dreamily. The brothers watch you in amusement as you resemble an ice pop melting in the August sun. "He's yummy..."

"Gross! He was a jerk!" Lo'ak exclaims. "He looked like he was about to explode he was so huge! Is this really what you human girls like?"

Grabbing the remote from you, Lo'ak rewinds the movie to a still of Miguel, immediately wishing he hadn't when you squeal in delight. As you do, though, he not-so-subtly flexes his biceps to compare with your animated crush.

"You got a way to go, bro" Neteyam chortles, eyeing his brother's lanky arms in amusement. Lo'ak just rolls his eyes.

"Whatever. That guy was an asshole. Did you see the way he yelled at Miles?" Lo'ak waves his arms around and it's honestly amusing to you how invested he appears to be in the movie.

"Kinda reminded me of you and your Dad..." you tap your chin in thought, grinning at the sputtering sound of laughter that comes from Neteyam beside you. Once again, Lo'ak scowls, but it doesn't stop you adding, "...on a good day..."

Neteyam loses it then and there, his usual coyness replaced with hysterical laughter that forces him to reach for the Co2 ask around his neck. Even Lo'ak cracks a small smile at your quip, and soon you're all laughing together.

That is, until the moment is interrupted by your human brother from another mother.

"Hey guys! I got snacks for the movie, I can't wait to see i-"

Spider's eyes widen with betrayal as they land on the rolling credits on the screen. His jaw drops, as do the snacks that he's holding. You can only bite your lip and stifle a laugh as his focus turns to you, pointing an accusing finger. "YOU."

"Spider, I'm sorry but you took too long!" you leap up, backing away from him. He's taller than you, after all, and evidently pissed. The sight makes Neteyam and Lo'ak snicker a little, although they are a bit worried for you...

"You watched the whole damn thing without me!" Spider is not far away from throwing a hissy fit, and it takes everything in you not to explode with laughter. Hands outstretched, you look as though you're taming a wild mountain banshee. At the moment, Spider certainly resembles one. "YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE SPIDER-MAN, Y/N! WHY DO YOU THINK EVERYONE CALLS ME SPIDER?"

"I thought it was because of your hair, bro..." Lo'ak teases, truly testing your resolve where laughter is concerned.

"BRO-"

"Let's calm down..." Neteyam chuckles, standing up to try and calm Spider down in his big-brotherly way, "We'll watch it again, right Y/N?"

"Of course!" you squeak, growing a little nervous at Spider's impending wrath. So much so that after hiding behind Neteyam, you dart towards the door, giggling as you run away from the taller human boy.

"Y/N! YOU. ARE. DEAD!"

There's a mad chase, but the Sully brothers look at each other in amusement as they hear your high-pitched laughter resounding through the corridor.

"Looks like we're watching the man spiders again, bro..." Lo'ak turns to his brother.

"Yeah, looks that way..." Neteyam grins.

[slimewashingau]

slimewashing incorrect quotes

all from tiktok or incorrect quote generators!

curly: hi! welcome to 7Zee corp! i dont work here..

daissuke: i have several bees in the place youd least expect them.

jimmy: could a slime love a man? anya and bea: .. <:| curly: …should a slime love a man?

curly: i think i have a condition of some kind and i dont know which one-

bea: AND WHO CRASHED THE TULPAR?

…the baby??? (jimmy)

jimmy: your phosphor iss dead. but your honey slime is also dead-

swansea, talking to ogden: the company had to let be go on account of all the product i kept eatin. its hard to work at a mouthwash delivery company ogden: o_O

bea when anya told her what jimmy did: who. him? no. what? GASP. au-

anya: im pregnant. ..with my own baby- (bea: damn 😭.)

bea, pointing at curly: look, a person from earth! .. oh his views are mostly centrist

ogden: my coupon for 7Zee expired… (looking at jimmy) AND SO WILL YOU.

daisuke: the crash was fatal, but we survived.

jimmy: I crashed the tulpar! there was a meteor ahead of us and i got scared! eep!

bea: drowning? more like.. drowning- someone save him! (save daisuke 😭)

bea: Why can’t we all just get along? anya: Because most of us are assholes, bea.

bea: I've been expecting you, anya. anya: How did you do that without turning around? bea: Let's just say the first few people I did that to were not you.

when the Squad drops food daisuke: Eh, oh well. swansea: FIVE-SECOND RULE! jimmy: FUCK! curly: just gets more food anya: drops to their knees and mourns the food bea: eats the food off the ground

anya: A mouse! daisuke, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you. jimmy, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal! bea, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy. curly, gasping: It's Ratatouille! swansea: His name is Remi, dummy. anya: …I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window… what is wrong with you people.

daisuke: What's worse than a heartbreak? curly: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging. anya: Waking up in the morning. swansea: Waking up. bea: Waking up in the morning… bea: And seeing jimmy. jimmy: Hey! Rude!!

jimmy: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? curly: >:O language bea: Yeah watch your fucking language anya: Okay, who taught bea the fuck word?! daisuke: 'The fuck word'. swansea: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time bea: Oh my god they censored it daisuke: Say fuck, swansea. bea: Do it, swansea. Say fuck.

curly: How do you sleep at night knowing people don’t like you? mochi: With the fan on.

[ratethisalbum]

#175) UNDERTALE Soundtrack

Toby Fox

Suggested by: Anonymous

-

Spotify ~ Youtube

(Remember to listen first, then rate!)

-

Tracklist:

1 Once Upon a Time

2 Start Menu

3 Your Best Friend

4 Fallen Down

5 Ruins

6 Uwa!! So Temperate

7 Anticipation

8 Unnecessary Tension

9 Enemy Approaching

10 Ghost Fight

11 Determination

12 Home

13 Home (Music Box)

14 Heartache

15 sans.

16 Nyeh Heh Heh!

17 Snowy

18 Uwa!! So Holiday

19 Dogbass

20 Mysterious Place

21 Dogsong

22 Snowdin Town

23 Shop

24 Bonetrousle

25 Dating Start!

26 Dating Tense!

27 Dating Fight!

28 Premonition

29 Danger Mystery

30 Undyne

31 Waterfall

32 Run!

33 Quiet Water

34 Memory

35 Bird That Carries You Over A Disproportionately Small Gap

36 Dummy!

37 Pathetic House

38 Spooktune

39 Spookwave

40 Ghouliday

41 Chill

42 Thundersnail

43 Temmie Village

44 Tem Shop

45 NGAHHH!

46 Spear of Justice

47 Ooo

48 Alphys

49 It's Showtime!

50 Metal Crusher

51 Another Medium

52 Uwa!! So HEATS!!

53 Stronger Monsters

54 Hotel

55 Can You Really Call This A Hotel, I Didn't Receive A Mint On My Pillow Or Anything

56 Confession

57 Live Report

58 Death Report

59 Spider Dance

60 Wrong Enemy !?

61 Oh! One True Love

62 Oh! Dungeon

63 It's Raining Somewhere Else

64 CORE Approach

65 CORE

66 Last Episode!

67 Oh My…

68 Death by Glamour

69 For the Fans

70 Long Elevator

71 Undertale

72 Song That Might Play When You Fight Sans

73 The Choice

74 Small Shock

75 Barrier

76 Bergentruckung

77 ASGORE

78 You Idiot

79 Your Best Nightmare

80 Finale

81 An Ending

82 She's Playing Piano

83 Here We Are

84 Amalgam

85 Fallen Down (Reprise)

86 Don't Give Up

87 Hopes and Dreams

88 Burn In Despair!

89 SAVE The World

90 His Theme

91 Final Power

92 Reunited

93 Menu (Full)

94 Respite

95 Bring It In, Guys!

96 Last Goodbye

97 But the Earth Refused to Die

98 Battle Against A True Hero

99 Power of "NEO"

100 MEGALOVANIA

101 Good Night

[igotanidea]

Elf : Dick Grayson x reader

Christmas bingo day 13 : elf

They were just casually walking through the mall, finishing the christmas preparations, buying some additional presents and food.

There was no indication of an upcoming catastrophe.

Not until they wandered close to the Santa Claus stand and Dick’s eyes almost glowed.

„Oh, no -” Y/N muttered while being dragged closer to the platform with St.Nick’s armchair surrounded by the dummy trees and reindeers, all sprinkled with fake snow.  „dick!” the sudden hiss coming from her mouth did little to zero in stopping him. Once Dick Grayson set his mind on something there was no way to convince him otherwise or distract him.

Even if his initial idea was - well - stupid.

Just like now,

He couldn’t care less about the kids crowding around and their parents’ hateful gazes as he pushed through the throng, his sole purpose to get closer. All while still holding the hand of his poor girlfriend, who was just throwing apologetic glances left and right hoping no kid would start crying or throwing a temper tantrum.

„Dick!” she hissed again „Stop right now!”

Obviously he was not listening at all, his gaze fixed on the genre scene

„Richard Grayson!”

„Oh.” ironically he stopped so abruptly she almost ended on his back „you’re using my full name now, huh?”

„Just to remind you you’re an adult!”

„so what?” Dick shrugged and looked as her uncannily, only unnerving her more

„this is for kids!”

„maybe I;m practising?” he smirked

„practising? Practising what?”

„Performing for the kids. You know  -” suddenly his arms were on her waist pulling her closer despite the indecency of such behaviour around children „for future purposes-”

„Oh- oh- well- I guess I can turn a blind eye to it, then....”

„Great!” once he got what he wanted he dragged her to the front before she had a chance to change her mind.

However, Santa Claus seemed to be late and the only thing that could save the day (and possibly salvage parents from the wrath of their kids) were -

„Elves!” Dick almost jumped from excitement seeing colourfully dressed Santa’s helpers coming on stage. „Y/N! Do you see?!” he tugged at her sleeve like a child seeing snow for the first time.

„Uhm.”

„Come on! Where’s your Christmas spirit! Just look at them! I wish I could - ‘’ his voice faltered a little before finishing the sentence and it was not a good sign. Y/N could almost see the wheels in his brain turning and it quickly dawned on her.

„No.” she said sternly, squeezing his hand

„Oh, yes.” he grinned in response.

„Don’t you dare. I swear if you do, you’ll be spending Christmas without me.”

„We both know you would never be so cruel, love” quick peck on her lips and ruffle of her hair was all she got before Dick literally evaporated.

oh no, no, no....

Five minutes later another elf came onto the view.

Very, very familiar elf with dark hair and blue eyes and dressed in all blue and red, grinning wildly, happily and shaking the pompon on the big elf hat.

And suddenly it was not embarrassing anymore.

Suddenly, he was the most handsome man to ever walk the earth and his childlike disguise did nothing to hide his pretty face and perfect figure.

Suddenly she was happy that there were only kids and married women around and not teenage girls or single ladies.

But there was no jealousy.

She was definitely not jealous of her childish boyfriend walking the stage in a Christmas costume looking like a movie star, entertaining the same kids he pushed away earlier.

And - funny thing - no one seemed to remember that when dick put on his golden boy appearances.

„Y/N!” he cried out towards her „have you been nice this year?”

She blushed when all eyes landed on her instantly, pretty sure that adults understood that sentence quite differently.

„I’m pretty sure that’s the question Santa is supposed to ask me.” she retorted trying to keep her cool.

„Well, he’s not around, is he?”

„I wonder how he’ll react after figuring his subordinate is trying to take his job?”

„I’m just filling the gap.” Dick grinned „I;m just ambitious, last time I checked, it was not a crime.”

„Not like poking on innocent girls, who wished no attention?”

„I think -”

„SANTA!!” before Dick could finish the sentence (thank god) the man dressed up as disguised as a kindly old man wearing a distinctive red costume took over, discreetly shoving Dick away.

Normally, Grayson would be devastated, but in this case the only thing filling him was contentment. He got his five minutes, he got the attention and most importantly -he made Y/N flustered and saw that pretty, natural, pink blush adorning her cheeks.

It was good enough.

Oh, and she was still about to answer that naughty or nice question for him ....

[thewildwaffle]

Earth Report 0016 - CPR

This is from a prompt from a user on aO3

***

As part of the medical and health-related topics in this section of reports, I would like to make a special report on the topic of cardiopulmonary resuscitation. I’ve covered several “first aid” topics in previous reports, and will likely cover more soon as I continue to study humans, but this particular technique stood out to me in a way that I knew I had to make a report dedicated solely to it. Cardiopulmonary resuscitation, or CPR for short, is an emergency technique that can be performed on a human whose heart has stopped beating. Such a condition can be lethal for humans as they only have one centralized heart. The human heart is a fascinating organ. While strategically contracting and releasing different valves on average over 100,000 times a day, the human heart pumps nearly 3 solaric fluid plinks of blood every mentik. It is, without a doubt, made of some of the most tireless muslce tissue I've ever heard of. Historically, heart problems and diseases are the leading cause of death for humans. I realize that may surprise many. Out of all the crazy things humans do, get into, eat, etc. it’s their own vital organs that most often “do them in,” (a common human euphemism about death. See Report 0005 for more about euphemisms and idioms.) When a human’s heart stops beating, they enter what’s known as “cardiac arrest.” In such a state, their heart cannot pump blood to the rest of the body. For those who know even the basics about human anatomy, it is easy to see just how dangerous and life-threatening this is in only a matter of minutes.

In an effort to save the lives of others, humans of all ages and backgrounds are commonly given basic training in CPR. After ensuring trained professionals are alerted to the medical emergency at hand, checking for a pulse (or lack of), and making sure the afflicted human is flat on their back, the human administering CPR stacks their hands, fingers laced, on the sternum of the afflicted human and administers hand compressions with the sturdy base of their palms.

I’ve attended a training on CPR. The instructor demonstrated how to perform it on a replica human torso made out of rubber and plastic that they call a “dummy.”

If you are even remotely aware of how strong a human can be, you might have some idea of the shock I felt when the instructor told the class to use as much of their body weight as they could to compress the afflicted human’s chest at a depth of nearly 1-2 inches (7 solaric micronills)!

What this means is that the human administering CPR is pushing so hard that they are basically trying to squish the non-beating heart in a pulsing pattern to replicate its natural pumping action and get the heart itself to start beating again on its own.

And it’s not just that either. You have to remember that the heart, being a vital organ, is safely encased in the human’s ribcage. Does this stop them? Absolutely not. In fact, the instructor clearly stated that while performing CPR, if you hear a bone snap or crack, keep going. To quote her, “It’s better to have a broken rib and be alive than no broken bones and be dead.”

Of course, the instructor also gave advice on how to try to avoid fracturing the sternum or ribs, but said that due to the nature of CPR, it happens about 30% of the time.

Beyond beating the heart back to life, CPR also includes forcing air into the afflicted human’s lungs. This happens much less frequently than compressions, and it involves the administering human to get air into the afflicted’s lungs the only way they have available - from their own lungs. They pinch the other’s human’s nose shut, seal their lips over theirs and blow. Those familiar with human displays of affection (see report 0010) may mistake this as a “kiss,” and while it is sometimes called “the kiss of life,” it is far from affectionate in any way. If anything, one might say it is more of a battle, if the opponent of their battle were death itself.

They follow up with more heart compressions and repeat the pattern until emergency medical professionals arrive.

At the end of the demonstration I attended, the instructor commented on the speed of the compressions needed. She referenced two songs, which many in the class began humming to themselves immediately and continued to do so after class. One, I thought was in poor taste, entitled “Another One Bites the Dust.” For those unfamiliar with human idioms (again, see Report 0005) to bite the dust means to die. Seeing as that is the complete opposite outcome hoped for with CPR, I preferred the title of the other song, “Staying Alive.”

She instructed that those administering CPR should perform chest compressions to the beat of one of those songs, hoping that indeed, their fellow human would be “staying alive.”

May the stars above forbid that a human ever tries to perform CPR on me, (or that I'd ever be in a situation where I was incapacitated enough to look like I needed it). Though I think that would be a quick way to go. Thankfully, they do have specialized CPR procedures for their small children and infants, as well as pets and various animals. They all typically involve a lot less... bone-crunching heart squishes.