#The Blade Character Has To Be Played By A Gay Man

[msclaritea]

Just like clockwork @NBCNews highlights another member of the Gay Mafia. So almost everyone in the Coming To America films are Queer, including Jermaine Fowler.

Why do I care? Because I've had enough of the Film Industry using closeted black men in anti-black woman propoganda.

[ahamkara-apologist]

it's also wild because like. Mara Sov is outright manipulative. she outright says she has plans to kill you if you go astray. she has plans to kill everyone, actually. she gets information she has no business having just to do that even iirc. meanwhile Osiris is a stressed out gay old man who is trying to save everyone except himself.

Okay I WILL defend Mara here and say that while she is a manipulative bitch, yes, that's actually a good thing to have handy. The Young Wolf is fucking dangerous and so are many in the cast of Destiny, so having contingency plans to kill people as needed is kinda necessary (just look at Eris in the dark future). But Mara is out here playing games of 4D chess with the Witness and the likes of Savathun- she needs to play god like that because it's basically her job. The major issue with her is the fact that she doesn't know how to NOT play puppetmaster, and takes it into her personal life- what she did to Uldren was a prime example of that, and while I have many thoughts on why that is, the fact of the matter is that Mara is a person who does what she needs to do with the coldness and cruelty of a deity because that is the niche she's carved out for herself and what she needs to be to ensure the survival of humanity.

Osiris, on the other hand, is NOT playing 4D chess with the Witness- he's a soldier, a defender, a blade. And not only that, he acts the way he does because he's driven by anxiety, paranoia (well-placed paranoia too!), and the fact that for the longest time, he's been alone. He was outright exiled from the Last City! He was alone in the Infinite Forest with nobody other than Sagira and his own mind! That's a lot of centuries to be by yourself, and don't forget that those centuries were preluded by social isolation from his peers and betrayal beforehand. Osiris operated the way he did because his OCD had him constantly running on the assumption that the worst-case scenario was going to happen, and he had the experience from his time as Vanguard and his subsequent exile to show that not only did nobody believe him, they also didn't take it seriously (or took it too seriously) and wouldn't help him with it. Like, no fucking wonder he's always running around acting like he's the only person who's taking things seriously and throwing his all into solving the problem. His mind is hardwired to assume the worst and he has proof that people will not help him with it (though LF has him confronting that)

Like, I myself have OCD, and those repetitive thought spirals are no joke. Imagine that you're confronted with a problem, and your brain automatically jumps to the worst-case scenario for that problem. If you've gotten cognitive therapy for that, you know this isn't the case, but knowing doesn't change the fact that your mind is CONVINCED that the worst case scenario WILL happen, and it will get lodged to the forefront of your mind with all of its gory details while you try your best to ensure that it won't occur. Doesn't matter if you have to shift to doing something else- that fear, that worry, that will always be right in front of you. Meds and cognitive therapy have worked for me on that, but Osiris doesn't have those, and on top of it- he's got prophetic visions! I can't IMAGINE how awful that would be to deal with!!

That's also why his character development after Sagira's death is so big imo- as tragic as it was, Sagira dying for him forced him to really slow down and realize that rushing into things without thinking about his own safety harmed others, not just himself, and his subsequent reminder of his own mortality forced him to be reliant on others instead of refusing to let them help him. Part of why he was so impatient and brusque in Lightfall was because he had to rely on the Young Wolf and Nimbus to deal with an issue that he considered his own, and while it didn't go exactly as planned, I think that's also why he's softened up significantly since then. That, and him being unable to rush headlong into things and to just sit and enjoy his time with Saint (which he never allowed himself to do before because if he had the Light, what was his excuse for not fighting the Darkness) helped him tremendously. It forced him to face his flaws, learn that he could rely on others, and to slow down in life, and he's been doing much better as a result of it.

Osiris has only ever harmed others by completely disregarding the harm that he did to himself, and recent events in the story have forced him to reflect on that and change it. And maybe by being a bit of a blunt, extremely-honest ass that nettles sometimes. That's pretty much the extent of his flaws imo

[enemyoflactose]

I finished Battle City

So for my redemption arc, I have finished both Duelist Kingdom and Battle City.

I think I may have gotten worse.

I'll start by talking about voice acting and which one I prefer:

Bakurae: I like both Ted Lewis and Rica Matsumoto's performances. They both did amazing and I am so bi for their voices.

Marik: His goofy ass skeletor voice is not it. It's funny as hell, but he just sounds better in the sub.

Odion: I like both

Ishizu: I like both

Everyone else: could go either way

Characters:

Yugi didn't really do a lot at the start, and everything I want to say about him happens in his duel with Joey. Honestly, I don't like how in the anime he doesn't play much of a role.

Yami Yugi: this man... This man.

Téa: I love her. Honestly. She gave like zero friendship speeches this season and didn't really do much except help Yami find Ishizu.

Joey: I LOVE JOEY WHEELER.

Tristan: he's there. I don't like how he treats Serenity.

Serenity: I actually really like her. She's not the most realistic sister character, but I still like her.

Duke: my guy, leave the girl alone.

Marik: I can't take him seriously. I just can't. He sounds like Skeletor, his plans are stupid, he can barely duel, he's a coward, he dresses ugly, mother fucker uses Revival Jam, this happened

How am I supposed to take him seriously?! Also, his backstory didn't do anything for me. Like, yeah what he went through was awful, but it just feels like an excuse. It felt like Ishizu and Odion were trying to justify Marik's behavior and say he did nothing wrong and should be forgiven. (Also, I saw a post about how Joey should have showed Marik sympathy. They blocked me when I said that was stupid)

Ishizu: she's such a great character. Her love for her siblings feels real, she's a snarky dork, her duel with Kaiba is fantastic, and she's pretty.

Odion: Am I supposed to feel bad for him? Not because he was horrifically abused I do feel bad about that, but with the way he was treating Marik... My guy was an enabler. Of course Marik is still evil under your care, you haven't done anything to help him be good. He just rolls over and lets Marik do what he wants because he doesn't want to betray his oath or something.

Mai: literally so cool. I'll actually get to talking about her in a bit.

Kaiba: iconic.

Mokuba: he takes his duel commissioner job so seriously it's adorable. He just pops up out of nowhere to catch people cheating and then Kaiba comes along to scare the cheater when they don't listen to Mokuba.

Regular Bakura: B-baby boy???

Yami Bakura: I'd literally bend over for him. He can have all of my possessions. Anyway I feel like he went through some character assassination this season. He just doesn't seem like a threat, but I guess that's how abusers get ya because he stabs Regular Bakura.

Arkana: I've said it once and I'll say it again, I am a sap. I felt so bad for this guy. First his magic show goes wrong, then his face gets mangled, then his wife leaves him, then he gets indoctrinated into Marik's cult, then he almost dies by saw blade, then he actually dies.

Lumis and Umbra: these two are gay and dating.

Strings: there is nothing there.

Mako and Weevil are pretty much the same.

Espa Roba: he's a cheater.

Duels:

Bandit Keith vs Yugi Moto (Duel 1)

The first duel of the season introduces us to Marik. We learn that he wants the puzzle and has a magic rod that can mind control people.

This duel shows off that Yugi is not yet as good a duelist as Yami because this loser gets fucking cooked.

Yami Bakura shows up and breaks Keith free. This makes Marik a little annoyed.

Marik makes Keith break the puzzle.

Bakura comes in and helps Yugi fix it, but he puts a little piece of his soul in the puzzle because of reasons that are never explained.

Bakura leaves and Keith burns the building down.

Joey and Tristan save Keith and Yugi.

Yami Yugi vs Jonny Steps (Duel 2)

I am not talking about the duel you suckers. I'm talking about what happened before the duel!

Yami and Téa go on a date. During this date they go on wacky high jinks and Yami gets Light Force Sword.

After dueling Jonny Steps, they go to the museum and meet Ishizu. She tells them that Yami is actually an ancient Egyptian pharaoh and he needs to save the world by joining Kaiba's tournament and winning it. Also he needs three Egyptian God Cards.

Joey vs That one guy (duel 3)

Joey gets Exodiad and feels so bad that he doesn't go and visit his sister in the hospital.

He also lost his Red Eyes Black Dragon.

Tristan finds him on the beach and shows Yugi and Téa who he found (fuck you 4kids)

Kaiba vs the machine (duel 4)

OBELISK, FIST OF FATE!!!!!

Yami vs the one guy(duel 5)

Yami beats Exodia and wins back Joey's Red Eyes.

Joey declined it.

Joey vs Espa Roba (duel 6)

In this duel Joey faces an alleged psychic who had already defeated Rex Raptor.

Rex tries to help Joey for a little bit, but stops like half way through the duel.

During this duel, Espa is talking about the universe and how he can't lose and shit like that and Joey's just clowning on him.

Espa Roba has his brothers up on a building helping him win duels.

Joey figures this out.

Joey wins the duel.

Some guy in the audience says "Espa couldn't predict he'd be a loser", and I think that's funny.

Joey got a Jinzo!! The only good card he'll get this whole tournament.

Yami vs Arkana (duel 7)

Yami faces a magician who's all like "Aren't you SO sad that your precious Dark Magician is in the deck of another duelist???!"

Some bullshit happens, Dark Magician is sentient and saves Yami, Dark Magician Girl is summoned by Dark Magic Curtain, there's shadow blades, guillotine-chan is here, apparently there's no service in the tent.

Yami wins.

Arkana dies or something it was really unclear.

Joey vs Weevil Underwood (duel 8)

Joey got his deck and Duel Disk stolen by some mustache and had a card put In it.

Joey and Weevil duel ata fountain.

During this duel Weevil calls out to the Parasite Paracide card in Joey's deck and turns all of Joey's monsters into insect cards.

Weevil brings out Perfectly Ultimate Great Moth. Joey destroys it.

Weevil brings out his Insect Queen and talks about how much he wants to fuck it. Joey destroys the Insect Queen and wins it.

Joey gained the worst card of the season.

Yami and Kaiba vs some guys (duel 10)

Kaiba uses Lord of D and two Flute of Summoning Dragon to summon three dragons and then he summons Obelisk and then he wins the duel and takes some locator cards.

Joey Wheeler vs Mako (duel 11) ft. Marik falling for the Bakura sham.

Joey and Mako duel.

Joey is putting on the world's greatest show, and is told to stop because it's "embarrassing and taking to long"

Joey tries to use Parasite Paracide, but flip monsters haven't been invented yet.

MEANWHILE

Marik almost runs over Bakura.

BACK TO THE DUEL

Mako is telling a son story about his dad and how Legendary Fisherman is his dad and he loves his dad so he has to win the duel for his dad because he loves him ever so much.

MEANWHILE

Yami Bakura is talking mad shit and Marik's all like "This idiot has NO idea that to open the door to darkness he needs the Egyptian God Cards."

What if my guy was talking 'bout Kingdom Hearts?

BACK TO THE DUEL

Mako used a ritual card 🤮

Now Joey has to find the fisherman and attack.

Joey finds the fisherman and attacks. Mako gets sad. Loser deserved it tho for using rituals.

Joey uses some gambling cards and oh no

MEANWHILE

Bakura puts his scam into action and says he's a strong duelist (He's aight.)

Marik doesn't even fact check this and makes a deal with him.

The rod for a god card.

BACK TO THE DUEL

Joey uses Panther Warrior to wipe out the ritual card 🤮, and wins the duel.

Joey has gained Legendary Fisherman! Not as bad as the last card, but Joey you have a shitty deck how do you keep winning???

Seto and Yami vs Lumis and Umbra (duel 12)

THERE'S ANOTHER FUCKING RITUAL CARD!!!! AND IT'S NOT EVEN A GOOD ONE!

It's awful, it sucks, it's worthless, they should have just used level cards

This duel is not worth my time.

Yami and Seto win.

We interrupt this essay to talk about important stuff that happened out of duels:

Bakura got stabbed

Mokuba, Téa, and Joey got kidnapped

Tristan ran for an hour with a teenage girl on his back

Duke hit some guy with dice

Mai met Serenity

Joey got mind controlled

Téa girl mind controlled

Joey vs Yugi/Yami (duel 13)

I cried during this duel

Joey got mind controlled by Marik and is evil and dueling Yugi for the puzzle and they're also strapped to this anchor that's gonna drag them to the bottom of the ocean in an hour and oh my God this duel

Téa's life is also being threatened but she's a badass who doesn't care.

Kaiba can't help because then Téa will die.

Joey was given all these rare cards and is using them against Yugi.

Yugi is so scared to attack because he doesn't wanna hurt Joey.

Yugi is so fucking sweet I love him so much.

Yami is just in the corner like "you good Yugi?" And "Oh no!!! Joey!!" I love them so much

Yugi ends up giving the puzzle to Joey so he can fight Marik better, he summons R d eyes black dragon to get through to him, this shit is just barely working I HATE THIS DUEL

Marik is being a whiny little bitch ass loser because his mind control is failing

Joey breaks free after attacking Yugi then he uses the effect of some mirror card to attack himsefl

Joey and Yugi both plummet to the ocean, Yugi is saved by Joey and Joey is saved by serenity.

I LOVE JOEY WHEELER

Meanwhile at the hospital

Yami Bakura vs Bonz (duel 14)

This episode is so fucking good. The animation, the duel, BONZ IS HERE

This duel starts off with Yami Bakura already being kinda annoyed. He just got jumped so it makes sense.

He summons a headless knight and it gets destroyed.

He destroys Bonz's cards.

Bonz fuses Medusa and crawling dragon to get... An elephant?

Then Bonz activates that one card that makes you lose life points for every card sent to the graveyard. Yami Bakura responded by fucking cheating and just tossing his hand to the graveyard.

Then he summons Earl of Demise and Bonz puts him in a cage.

Then Yami Bakura uses ectoplasmer and wipes out Bonz's life points and sends him to hell the Shadow Realm.

Mai vs Jean Clawed Magnum (duel 19)

I am not talking about this duel other than

Joey x Mai supremacy

We love polarshipping

Stuff that happens before the finals

The gang is shocked at the idea of Regular Bakura dueling (rude)

Tristan can't flirt

The gang raid Joey's pantry

A bingo machine

Yami Bakura pretends to be Regular Bakura and messes with Joey by saying shit like "Cheerio" and "fellows"

Marik does stuff

Odion gets threatened a few times

Ishizu shows up late

Mai drinks censored wine

Yami Bakura vs Yami (duel 15)

This shit is so hype

It starts off with Yami Bakura being dog shit and summoning weak cards (it's for a plan), and Yami and the gang just ragging on him and insulting him.

Then Bakura summons Dark Necrofear, but he doesn't attack because he's scared that Yami's face down card is a trap (reasonable)

Dark Necrofear gets destroyed by a buffed Dark Magician Girl, but this was all part of the an because now Yami Bakura can use not only his Destiny Board (worst win strat ever), but he can also use Dark Sanctuary.

At this point in the duel, Yami Bakura is cooking. He is dominating.

He got out his Dark door, Yami can't attack more than once. He got his spirit redirecting attacks at Yami. He's cooking something delicious.

Then Yami special summons Dark Necrofear and now Yami Bakura can't use his strategy.

Unless he summons Jougen the Spiritualist!

Now the sanctuary is back and he can keep up with his shitty win strat.

Then Yami summons Slifer and he contemplates death.

Marik makes Odion walk over and go "I release Bakura from the spirit" and Bakura starts dying and at this point my shipping senses start going nuts.

This duel has become a love triangle between Regular Bakura, Yami Bakura, And Yami Yugi.

But that's not important.

Bakura doesn't like this strategy because it's for cowards and he's worried Yami will attack his host. (Reasonable. The Yami he knows probably would've)

Yami meanwhile doesn't wanna attack Regular Bakura because that's his friend.

No one has told this boy to just surrender.

Yami Bakura takes control of Regular Bakura again and tells Yami to attack him

Then Yugi tells Yami that he did that because he needs Bakura, not because he liked him. (This is untrue if I believe hard enough)

Regular Bakura is knocked out and the ring is gone.

Joey vs Odion (duel 16)

Joey is talking shit.

Odion keeps setting and passing

And oh what's this?? FLASHBACK

Odion was abandoned on the door step of Marik's and Ishizu's parents. He was raised by them but never truly accepted.

He wanted the tomb keeper initiation to become accepted, but he was adopted. So that didn't happen.

DUEL

Joey's losing

FLASHBACKS

Odion was Marik's best friend and watched their mother die immediately after Marik was born.

He vowed to protect Marik.

DUEL

Odion has trap monsters and Joey is surprised by this.

A massive scorpion monster thing is summoned and Joey says

"Are you really Marik?"

Then Marik has a temper tantrum and tells Odion to summon Ra. Odion summons Ra and fucking dies.

Then Joey dies.

FLASHBACK

Odion watched as Marik got his tomb keeper initiation and afterwards he did his own initiation.

DUEL

Odion tries to get up, but he doesn't.

MEANWHILE IN JOEY DREAMLAND

Joey is having a dream about his friends helping him get ready for a tournament and he can't get up.

DUEL

Joey gets up and wins the duel.

Marik is having a migraine and then becomes Yami Marik.

Mai vs Marik (duel whatever I don't wanna check)

Marik got a fashion upgrade and looks better!!

During this duel Kaiba is edging himself waiting for Ra to be summoned.

Marik makes the duel a shadow duel and starts to erase Mai's mind.

Mai loses one memory and almost gives up immediately.

Marik continues his mind games while Joey and the gang try to help Mai out.

Mai is having non of this.

Mai steals Ra

Marik is cooking

Mai summons Ra, but Marik broke a rule because Ra is written in a foreign language without a translation.

Mai loses because she can't summon Ra and Marik attacked her, Joey, and Yami.

Final duel, Kaiba vs Ishizu

Ishizu should have won

Kaiba and Ishizu keep milling each other's deck.

Ishizu has a plan though. She saw it in her visions

Kaiba defys those visions tho and instead of summoning Obelisk, he summons the Blue Eyes White Dragon and wipes out Ishizu.

I forgot to talk about the Yami vs Strings duel

Marik is a pussy so he uses some murderer to duel

During this duel Marik is using cards like Revival Jam and Jam Breeding Machine.

He uses them to summon Slifer.

Yami is trapped in a cage.

Yami uses Revival Jam against Marik and uses it to cause Marik to lose by DECK OUT.

DECK OUT

That's embarrassing.

So yeah, I think this journey of redemption is becoming a journey of derailment instead. Wish me luck and health.

[zizz-asdf-re-r-o-u]

some whackass nu carnival headcanons- nails, bondage, toys, tails

i have like 20 nucarnival theory drafts all partially written but not done. and i could try to finish them. but instead, i write this instead.

there's a couple that i couldn't think of, so if anyone wants to offer suggestions, feel free to contribute.

NU Carnival characters and what nail polish they would be:

Eiden: any holo glitter topper - holo rainbow for the gays, topper cause versatile on any polish :3 Aster: https://www.holotaco.com/products/private-villa its pink and half the stories start out in aster's mansion xD Morvay: OPI Infinite Shine Love or Lust-er? , cause Lust is in the title and it's kinda purple-ish. Honorable mention: theres several other "lust" polishes and even a purple mayhem polish, but the lust ones were weirdly not purple, and the purple mayhem polish was too boring. Yakumo: https://www.kbshimmer.com/much-lava-to-you-multichrome-nail-polish/ - black red multichrome with a subtle holo sparkle cause he shy Olivine: https://www.holotaco.com/products/peridont-bother-me green + peridot reference Edmond: https://www.holotaco.com/products/playing-with-sapphire - sapphire reference. and also, don't we all love the idea of playing with Edmond ;) Quincy: Holo Taco Lost in the Woods or Topaz Tears- wood reference or topaz reference Kuya: https://daintydigitslacquer.com/collections/pride/products/chotic-gender-neutral I just have to, you know? Chaos? Purpleish? but also, i think he'd do 4inch super pointy acrylic nails with lots of 3D gems on it. Honorable mention: Mooncat has a polish called "Foxfire" but its too boring for him. Garu/Karu: any blue/yellow multichrome, or a blue polish with an intense yellow/gold shimmer. i swear i know one, but i can't seem to find it Blade: an automatic robot nail painting machine cause why not xD Dante: https://pluslifelacquer.com/products/fiery-start-2-1 , cause he flamin' xDDD Rei: https://www.starrily.com/products/emc2 a grey holo polish with a chemical formula as the name? totally rei.

What bondage style they would like:

Eiden: everything, but i think he should especially try self-bondage cause... the entire selfcest card???? Aster: western equipment- spreader bar/handcuffs (canon) Morvay: everything Yakumo: single column tie Olivine: diamond harness (canon), but you just *know* he'd be down to try anything Edmond: box tie + hog tie. you know he's flexible enough for this. Quincy: any spread eagle position- i think he's done this with vines before? Kuya: its canon he can do a diamond harness multiple times, but if he was a japanese rigger in real life, he'd totally be into kinbaku, which is angstier than shibari. Garu/Karu: booty basket harness. cause booty. but also i can totally see him in full leather puppy bondage gear cause he's basically already a puppy player. Blade: everything Dante: someone help me with this, i dont know if Dante has done bondage in his rooms yet @murdertramp25 ? Rei: *pulls up that @fisheito fanart of rei tying up someone & singetailing them*

What other kinks they would like:

Eiden: alright, i'll be honest, i think he prefers soft thuddy toys. he might be a switch and a little bit masochistic, but doesn't strike me as an extreme masochist or sadist Aster: the most extreme sadist in the game, but i think he'd go crazy over blood play. vampire gloves would be too on the nose lol, but i think he'd looooove scarification, hooks, or barbed wire floggers too. ok now i'm just shoving my own fetishes onto him lol. or a good findom scene lol. Morvay: tbh, i dont think he's all that into human kinky toys. i think he likes any kind of sex more, but he'll do kinky for his partner (Aster). Yakumo: someone please help me with this Olivine: extreme masochist and exhibitionist and i don't think there's anything he wouldn't try. he's wanted to try orgies or group sex before, but the devs keep cockblocking him from trying. let the man try group sex! Edmond: Halfetirosie wrote a really thoughtful piece about edmond's kinks. i'd like to throw in that edmond should try electroplay again 8D Quincy: someone please help me with this... i'm gonna steal from Garu and say he should try bootblacking. already works with leather, already makes his own clothes, wears a lot of boots, he'd be into it. Kuya: second most intense sadist, and i'd like to offer him latex, a vacu-bed, or a drilldo. Garu: i dont think he's all that into specific toys, he's just really really submissive and slutty and wants to do anything for his master. i do think he might like trying bootblacking. Karu: //glares at Phaerlax and the ao3 Garu/Karu writing community// its very hard for me to figure out what he would be into canonically, and what reading their fics have influenced me lol. Blade: if he has an... uh... anus, he should try bottoming. Dante: someone help me. i'll just add foot fetish cause of velo_agogo though lol. Rei: someone help me again xD

What mermaid tail they would be:

Eiden: https://www.themertailor.com/rainbow-dream-too-whimsy-fantasea-mermaid-tail-2.html In the mermaid event 4koma comic, Eiden is depicted with a boring blue tail. I think he deserves better. Aster: https://finfunmermaid.com/products/rose-calypso-elite-mermaid-tail-l Morvay: https://finfunmermaid.com/products/aurora-purple-pink-calypso-elite-mermaid-tail Yakumo: https://finfunmermaid.com/products/crimson-koi-neptune-elite-mermaid-tail Olivine: https://finfunmermaid.com/products/viridian-blue-green-calypso-elite-mermaid-tail Edmond: https://finfunmermaid.com/products/sapphire-sea-blue-mermaid-tail - sapphire reference xD Quincy: https://shopvancouvermermaid.com/products/moonlight-magic-mermaid-tail or any natural orangey/yellowy nail Kuya: ok technically i would give him the most EXTRA Fin Folk silicone tail with a gazillion fins, but unfortunately Fin Folk's tails are not always on rotation so I'm not sure the link will still work several months from now revisitng this post, so for now i'll put this https://www.themertailor.com/unfortunate-souls-original-whimsy-fantasea-mermaid-tail.html Garu/Karu: https://www.themertailor.com/oceans-secret-full-fantasea-mermaid-tail-skin-mertailor.html Blade: https://finfunmermaid.com/products/iron-mermaiden-halloween-tail Dante: https://www.themertailor.com/aphrodite-seas-original-whimsy-fantasea-mermaid-tail.html Rei: https://finfunmermaid.com/products/silver-mermaid-tail

[armoredsuperheavy]

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: An Insufferably Queer Film Review

I rewatched MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (1987) for the first time since it came out last night and WOW I have some thots about this thing. We enjoyed roasting the living shit out of it but there's a few gold nuggets in there despite the brutal budget cuts that impacted the plot and what not.

Contains plenty of spoilers.

God bless Wardrobe

OK so … the film doesn't bother to set up any real motivations for the characters, and He-Man (an incredible looking Dolph Lundgren rrrowrrrr) has almost no dialogue which is such a fucking waste. But this complete lack of narrative framework means we can apply OUR OWN explanations to events.

From the very beginning Skeletor has this obsession with He-Man, which will simmer and then culminate in a final showdown. But before we get to that hot mess, we have to wade through the middle of the film.

He gets as much screen time as He-Man.

Meet the utterly repulsive dwarf scientist Gwildor played by Billy Barty, a rinse-and-repeat of his performance as an utterly repulsive magic troll in Legend (1986). This dwarf is the film's Jar Jar. His face is like a deep dish pizza after an acid attack. His real mouth is visible behind the immobile thick prosthetics and it makes for some truly disturbing close-up dialogue shots. Please, pan away from Pizza the Hutt and give us another shot of Lundgren's pecs please I am begging you, DP

We find ourselves in Gwildor's hobbit hole, and he's a magical inventor. So he has this cylindrical object, it's not clear whether it's a weapon or a teleporter but I'm calling it the Butt-Reamer 9000. Inexplicably, there are two of these things and Skeletor has the other one, and wants to collect both of them. So Skeletor has an excuse to go hunting He-Man as he's hunting his missing McGuffin, er I mean sex toy.

Features rotating ticklers, a big improvement over the Butt Reamer 8000.

The thing about the Butt-Reamer 9000 is its magical power to make even this promising setup devolve into a grind as it whisks the Eternians into the magical, enchanting world of a 1987 New Jersey parking lot. WHO WROTE THIS?

The entire middle of the movie is pretty much hot garbage and involves police detectives, arson, vandalism, high school prom, and other dumb bullshit. Aside from the distractingly naked He-Man, the good guys are an utter bore and include some Eternians, some regular Earth humans and their quotidian concerns which really brings down the fun of the movie. (No, baby Courtney Cox, I don't care about your imminent breakup with your mediocre boyfriend!)

The film owes a second mortgage to Star Wars and steals a lot of ideas from it, from bad guys in shiny black stormtrooper helmets, to heroes shooting blue lasers, baddies shooting red.

Let's turn from this depressing state of affairs and focus back on our cherished villain blorbos.

(L-R: Karg, Evil-Lyn our goddess, and Blade.)

Evil-Lyn is beautiful, evil, a cold bitch queen. Gurl you can do so much better than sticking with this loser Skeletor.

Dump! Him! He's gay anyway!

Skeletor is a shit lazy boss of Greyskull and makes Evil-Lyn run the goddamn place in general. He literally shoots the messenger at one point. Great for morale, there, Skel buddy.

Look closer. Fierce!

There's a number of budget rate henchmen on the job, including Karg, who used a whole can of aqua net this morning and is running around in a white fur capelet with a massive bouffant. He is just doing his best okay, really it's hard to look fabulous around these other bitches.

Blade definitely deserved more screen time

Also, Blade, who had a slutty costume of silvery scale maille or something, and was a bit like a sci-fi bondage Riff Raff / space Judas Priest. Best side character costume.

So, there we have it, the queer coded villain roster of the film.

This homemade collage is for sure taped inside Skeletor's locker at school

Note the gigantic brown eye.

Finally, thank Satan, we return to Castle Greyskull, though it's more like beige-and-brown-skull. But aside from the questionable use of faux marble finishes, this is a quality villain lair with hard points installed directly in the floor of the living room, convenient death pits, and an excellent throne setup that I'm pretty sure they recycled for The Fifth Element.

He-Man is captured alive and brought before Skeletor. Blade does the honors with a 15 foot glowing red bullwhip to He-Man's naked and oiled back, much to the delight of dyed-in-the-wool sadist Evil-Lyn.

Movie is getting good now. Was the side quest to Jersey really necessary?

Skeletor, though, watches this action from the throne and has a lot of interesting responses. We had to conclude that Skeletor is a big old bottom but won't admit it. As a dom he is utterly ineffective. He's trying to make He-man kneel and all this shit but He-Man is not submissive at all. Skeletor is … lol. He really just wants to smell He-Man's dick.

The depths (heh) of his bottom nature will become apparent shortly. But first, a costume change.

Skeletor's glow up --- i'm every woman.

Honey we know you're just trying to impress He-man.

Werk tho.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Hole

The gigantic sky-sphincter directly behind the throne has slid open wide… "Begin! The Goatse Ritual! Join me, He-Man, as I become LORD OF THE GAPE" But He-Man's phallic symbol shines bright in defiance. In the end, Skeletor is vanquished symbolically by his own nature and instead of his hole swallowing He-Man, a gaping hole swallows Skeletor instead.

They don't really explain what happened to Evil-Lyn after He-Man's inevitable victory in final man to man combat but she was too smart to get caught sleeping in there and must have survived. What a hot evil competent BABE. After the events of the film end, I vote that Evil-Lyn seduces Teela (the good guy solder lady) and has a hot toxic lesbian affair with her.

Evil-Lyn serves cunt in hell 4 evar

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Want some more?

Nice fanart

Another breakdown on Buzzfeed if you enjoyed mine this is even more gay headcanon

The movie is free on Tubi if you want to subject yourself to it.

ArmoredSuperHeavy, 19 Aug 2023

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 11

welcome the the eleventh fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.  

1. Video Chats by @tomminowrites

Not long after leaving to join the Blades, Keith stops by the castleship to catch up with Voltron.

The visit was going normally, until the Red paladin lets slip that he's been video calling one of the paladins fairly regularly - unknown to rest of the team.

i LOVE this fic it makes me giggle like no other. i have this in my other collection, which is fics where lance gets teased mercilessly by the team for being a gay loser. this fic makes me laugh literally every time. fics where keith is doing his blade thing but comes back regularly to visit and theyre a family who loves each other my beloved

2.  Thinkin’ Bout You by @bleusarcelle & queerklancing

‘That was not my thought,’ Keith thinks, panic and confusion filling his chest, ‘That was not my thought, what the fu –‘

‘Dude,’ the unfamiliar voice cuts him off sharply, but Keith can hear the edge of fear lingering on its tone, ‘Dude, what the fuck –Get out!’

‘It’s my head, you get out! ’

‘No, it’s mine!’

Keith purses his lips and pokes his temple and then his cheek.

‘No, pretty sure it’s my body, my mind, and you’re a weird thing invading it.’

[Or that time Keith had a voice in his head singing and found out he had a quite unique soulmate link.]

early voltron fics my love. remembering fondly the days bleusarcelle and queerklancing dominated the klance tag lmfao. this one is sweet, fun, and it has the trope of all time in it: the phone call where someone sighs wistfully and says ‘i miss you’ and then the other person smiles and goes ‘look behind you, sweetheart’ and theyre THERE. gets me every time fr

3. so tell me darling do you wish we fall in love? by crystalklances/orphan_account

Keith is chosen to represent the Paladins for a diplomatic dinner gala. There's just one problem—he has to bring a spouse. Lucky for him, Lance is ready to play his fake fiancé.

i’ll tell you i was CRUSHED when crystalklances orphaned his account. dude i miss u every day. but thank god all his fics are still available! this one is one of my faves he ever wrote bc it has fake/pretend relationship with good communication somehow. truly art.

4. Like A Prayer by @lancesexual /orphan_account [EXLPLICIT]

"God, I'm so happy with you," Lance whispered.

Something dangerous and soft erupted in Keith's chest, threatening to consume him.

2016 FIC ELITENESS. fuck man. im so serious when i say 2016 immediately means the fic has twenty bonus points. love love love. this is soft and sweet and floundering. i love it when both of them arent sure about anything but each other

5. True Love or Something by @deerstalkerdeathfrisbee

“So that was…” “If you say painless I’m shoving you into another snowdrift.” “Okay, that’s fair. But you got a lollipop!” “That you stole from pediatrics.” “I’m a very good date.”

Lance accidentally crashes into his new neighbor in front of their mailboxes and somehow ends the night with a very attractive (and slightly concussed) date.

ive saved the best for last! i started reading this when i was a young teen (more 2016 love) and it updated steadily for years. this series redefined what love means to me. i will always have the characters in the back of my head, i will always love everything about this series and story and will hold every part of it so dear to my heart. if you have to read one series in the fandom, this one should be a top contender!

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[lurkingshan]

Since I forgot a few: Top 5 Characters You Wanted to Stab

Yes absolutely we cannot leave this list incomplete. Building from where you started, I will add and order from most to least in need of stabbing.

Sangin, Sing My Crush

This absolute piece of shit. If I could stab him to death, resurrect him, and then do it again, I would. Not only did he intentionally fuck with his student's head and then brutally reject him, he also stole his song and then tried to blackmail him with his sexuality. No redemption for you, catch this blade.

Atom, Only Friends

Begging a gay man to fuck you and then leveraging your het privilege to claim he sexually assaulted you? Atom was truly the lowest of the fucking low and he never got what he deserved. If Cheum was a more responsible older sister she would have whooped your ass.

Not, Be My Favorite

What a waste of space this boy was. A classic bully who liked to push people around, embarrass them for his own amusement, and both treat women like shit and then howl about how they don't like him. And don't think we forgot him leveraging Kawi's sexuality against him!

Tae Hyung, The Eighth Sense

Truly just a garbage excuse for a friend. Selfish at every turn, disloyal to the bone, with no redeeming qualities. And he has no swagger! Jae Won's life will be better when he can leave you behind.

August, Last Twilight

Easily the most redeemable on this list, but I still think he could do with a light stabbing to help him learn his lesson.

Note: Atom and Not are both played by the same actor, Title Kirati, and @bengiyo informs me he also played a villain character in Hidden Agenda (which I refused to watch because I had already suffered plenty of Tee Bundit mediocrity this year). Title, I don't know how this typecasting happened to you but I am sorry, my dude.

Ask my top 5 anything in bl

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, round 1, bracket two

Propaganda:

For Lady Oscar:

THE og sword bisexual. She was the inspiration for Utena and many other anime swordswomen after her, her manga was one of the first shoujo to reach this level of fame and inspired/still inspires many others for decades. Lady Oscar is simply iconic.

I think she beat the shit out of like 30 dudes in a bar fight or something

she's literally the most important character in the history of the whole entire world ever 

For Zero:

he’s bisexual. he studied the blade. he has huge boobs. he’s blonde. everyone that has played a fighting game is afraid of him because of his insane sword skills. he dies a lot. he doesn’t know what he’s fighting for 

This swordsman is so gay, like, super gay. The yaoi fans of yore in the early days of the Internet were writing of Zero & X's love for each other. I don't even know much about Mega Man X, so I can't write much propaganda, but I know how gay this guy is

[artwithoutblood]

Oh man… I think I’ve worked out why I’m such a menace to Dorian.

It’s because I want to simp for the demon girlies however there are forms of affection I’m not comfortable with expressing… And also there are many forms of flirting or affection the characters wouldn’t accept.

It’s hard to know how to interact.

Eri ironically is the easiest to interact with. You know he likes quiet parallel play, little gifts, being allowed to infodump. As long as you don’t cross some very clear boundaries you could acts of service and uwu the hell out of him and eventually become somewhat close. He also spends a bit of time interacting and talking with you, even shows a twisted form of empathy.

Genesis actually doesn’t strike me as ‘just a guy’ in any sense of being generic. There’s no issue with his characterisation or look that would cause him to get less fan attention. Quite the opposite. He has an exciting extroverted personality and a cool look.

It’s more that there’s this vibe of him not really being available to bond with? In old canon Genesis was gay and aro so maybe that was a smaller audience of people who wanted to self ship, but even now that’s changed there’s the feeling that his life is very full and he’s self sufficient. Friendly and chill but not too interested in you. He’s a butterfly, here one moment and gone the next. He’s a dad, busy with his child! He’s not even home, he’s on tour! Leave the poor man alone! 

Also it’s kind of that we (player) didn’t spend a ton of time interacting with Genesis. Like he probably had a lot of the screen time in the old demo but he was more just doing his thing with you tagging along, and spent more time on the phone or interacting with Eri.

Aeron hates touch that they didn’t initiate and hates being looked at, so it feels weird and invasive to compliment or do art of them even if it’s just a fictional boundary. 

Their whole deal also doesn’t feel exactly romantic in the way they think it is but is more like… stimulation seeking? As in they’re kind of aroace coded (Demi romantic grey ace at best in my head). Aeron may only experience aesthetic attraction and fascination/obsession with a person. They flirt for excitement, to seek social interaction (and assert dominance). 

You’re like a shiny new toy or a special interest that will be a companion and give them interesting reactions until they break you. Cat with mouse. I think any private fun they indulge in with Dorian is more about novelty and strong physical sensations or causing strong emotional reactions.

In a twisted way all this is their way of expressing affection. It’s (temporarily) making them feel less empty, soothing their loneliness and boredom. Even negative reactions are feedback. Even breaking you down is sharing an intimate experience. So is metaphorically consuming you via the parasight, the mementos, or the blades. They think this heady emotional mix is love. So unless you’re into all that scary stuff it’s probably not wise to attract Aeron’s attention.

Dorian… I have no clue how to even approach Dorian. He wouldn’t stand for the babying that Eri might accept. I really don’t know how to flirt with Dorian in ways that aren’t incredibly obvious (and slightly uncomfortable to me). He seems like he’d want OTT grand mushy romance and scandalous behaviour! 😳

Plus knowing about his volatile temper yet knowing how well he covers it up makes me want to constantly test his limits to know where they are. To avoid going along in blissful ignorance then triggering him unawares and getting a really nasty surprise. In the demo bro turned on a dime. 

So I’m really curious about what he’ll tolerate from you out of love (and to what extent). Can he actually care for you a little as a person, in his own way, or whether it’s all just a projection of his own loneliness onto an ideal of someone he doesn’t even know and will inevitably disappoint him. Wondering how long he might bother to keep the soft gentle act up and not being able to stand waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I also feel like Dorian has abandonment issues but ironically also gets mad and pushes people away?

So… yeah. Lub the demon girlies but some of them have serious emotional barriers. (Understandable - this is who they are! Also I’m aware there’s no canon romantic intent in the games outside of 10:16/AWB and that’s fine!)

And I genuinely don’t know the acceptable ways to interact with them as blorbos… so it defaults to constant ‘affectionate’ teasing which probably gets old and unintentionally comes off as being a jerk. 🙁

Hmm… I am really thinking over what makes them (and me) tick.

Ps. I also just keep picking animal forms because I don’t know how I want to represent a human self insert, I don’t really have any fleshed out OCs I identify with. Also the story shenanigans are just fun. The forms will get lore.

Adding your second ask as well:

I forgot to get to the point. Basically I tease the demons due to not feeling comfortable or able to be affectionate in other ways. (Which probably doesn’t always land well and shouldn’t be the go to.) But I am also very much trying to gauge what will or won’t make Dorian snap.

You've got the main three pretty much marked down. Erebus loves and desires attention, but he won't come to understand or appreciate it until he dies a second time. I make jokes that the second death will make him an asshole. It won't, it'll just make him...more positive

Genesis's love is in family, not necessarily romance. He will leave after the first kiss. He has always been a floater. He goes where the music goes, where the world takes him. Fate is the woman he follows with her blindfold and her lyre.

Aeron wants to feel, but isn't sure how to. Or what they like. But they love reactions. They love to see what work they've done is displayed on others. True love and desire and anything else is beyond them. They will sate a companion's sexual desires with a delusion that feels all too real, while they sit and do their work. Maybe one day, they'll learn past the viscera. But after how they have been treated, the desire for true softness is not there. That is okay. They are a demon. They need not the romance.

Dorian would love if you try to test his limits. It's a game to him. He would find it very fun! He loves cheesy, over-the-top romance, but he also loves small hints at scandal. Risque attire in a public place. Making out on his work desk. But he also just loves to garden and spend time. His personal love language is quality time. Just spend time, and that's love for him. Dorian can learn to love. He's been trying. You're the first step for him to know what he likes.

[hubristicassholefight]

Swordswoman Showdown Round 2 Part 2

Lightning Farron (Final Fantasy XIII) vs Fa Mulan (Mulan)

Better here in a "preferred character" sense, not "who would win in a fight")

Propaganda below cut

Lightning

She uses a Gunblade. A sword thats also a gun. Said to be very rare because it takes so much skill to use. Does lots of slashing and backflips. Later becomes Champion of A God and sword fights a guy for eternity. Later becomes champion of a Different god and uses lots of different swords; She is dramatic and has lots of character growth and is awesome.

#She fights sephiroth#she has a fire sword for Drama#She gets armor too#how can you say no to that face#you want it she can do it

#there’s 10 hours left Lightning did not suffer to lose#ALL SHES BEEN THROUGH AND FOR WHAT#HER CHARACTER GROWTH IN THE GAME IS SO GOOD#SHES BEEN THRU SO MUCH#I JUST WANT WHATS BEST FIR HER#FOR HER#SHE DESERVES IT APL#ALL#RISE LIGHTNING STANS RISE#WHERES UR ANGER#WHERES UR RAGE

#back to rep my girl because I am NOT done talking about her#like she deserves everything okay#having to grow up quick and throw away her childhood to become her sisters new guardian after losing their mom#having to continuously grow stronger not for herself#but to keep Serah safe#and then eventually the need to want to protect others#her new found family#the fact that she would do so much for them by the time we get the third game#how kuch she had to fight all she had to do for the#the sake of humanity#the things she’s been through#it makes you want all the best for her

#i love them both but come on I gotta rep Lightning 😭😭😭#come on she uses her gunblade like a pro#but I love how she’s not afraid to throw hands either or how agile she is#so she doesn’t have to rely on her weapons at all times#she���s strong too like even before becoming a l’cie she can knock down men -snow- twice her size#she has the skills to back herself up#lets not forget she stabbed a god in the face with a survival knife#she’s just constantly getting stronger and she’s pretty#did I mention she’s pretty because#she’s very pretty

#she comes with 2x Big Sister baggage!#you know how much you love Grizzled Cynical Old Man Acquires Child?#get ready for Grizzled But On The Inside Woman Acquires Child Who Is Somehow Even More Cynical and Grizzled than Her#Idolizes Her and Becomes a Mirror Turned Back Upon Her So She Has To Examine Her Shit#also she’s just so cool#unpopular opinion but I love the feel of combat in XIII#I’m not a fan of super granular systems I love the vibes-based play#watching her flip and slash her way around the field kicks ass#like yes bitch u barely need me here#SHE HAS A GAY LITTLE CAPE HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO A GAY LITTLE CAPR#they couldve made her a little grizzled tho. for Me.

#Did I mention she can grill up a good steak#but that's all she can cook#She stabs a god in the face with a pocketknife#she punches dudes in the face#she meets a hot australian chick and slaps her and then shows her her tits#She has a suit of armor and a horse cause she a knight#yes i'll propagandize for her in her every poll cause she's perf

#Ok but you forgot to mention how Lightning is literally one woman army#She freaking uses magic and summons her stead guardian and even users those giant ass double edge blades and they fight in unison#She is also very acrobatic and elegant with her moves#Even more so in XIII-2 where she is literally fighting a war on her own and now has access to divine abilities making her more of a Paladin

Fa Mulan

stole her father's sword to take his place in the imperial army. defeated the invading leader and stole HIS sword too.

Soldier who saved all of china; She’s one of the ogs, man, her movie is a banger

i know she's a problematic fave but i still love her :(

[abraxosissilly]

Throne of Glass Characters and the Instruments I Think They'd Play. This is kinda a weird thing, but it's been running through my mind for a while now so I have decided to post my opinions. Aelin: Well she canonically plays the piano so yk... Dorian: I feel like it'd be some weird royal thing to learn violin or piano, idk Chaol: Well, originally I thought he might play the trombone, but I saw a Chaorian headcanon where he plays the violin for Dorian, but he seems more like a cello kind of guy Rowan: I feel like all the members of the cadre would play some type of saxophone, and I was gonna put Rowan on tenor, but it kinda fits Lorcan better in my mind so he's getting alto Lorcan: Well I kinda spoiled this one but Lorcan gives tenor vibes, the baritone is a bit too big for him ig, but like it could also work? they both fit Gavriel: Probably bari, I was gonna give him soprano, but bari didn't really fit Fenrys, and I also realized that the low instruments kinda bring everything together, and that seems to be his role in the cadre. Fenrys: I literally don't know that much about this man, (Almost done Empire of Storms) But with his teleportation, soprano fits him best? *Side Note: As I'm only on EoS, and I'm bad I'll both forget characters, and leave out ones I don't know about lmfao

Manon: I really wasn't sure what to give Manon, and was thinking maybe trumpet (She has similar vibes to my trumpet player friend ig) but then I remembered guitars exist, so yea, probably electric guitar, and can probably play bass Elide: You can probably guess, she'd play the flute or another "softer" instrument, well YOU'RE WRONG She plays the drums and she can play with Manon bc they're gay and married sorry not sorry Aedion: When making this I never thought this far, but probably a brass instrument. My mind goes to euphonium, trumpet, or trombone, but electric bass could also work Lysandra: as a courtier, she would probably know an instrument, probably flute, violin, or piano, but IMO she would be a BANGER harp player. Maybe she can be a multi-instrumentalist Evangeline: I feel like Lysandra would teach her the instruments she knows, but would def let her choose what she wanted to play Nesryn: I feel like Nysryn would like classical instruments, but I could see her definitely playing acoustic guitar/classical lute. *I really wanted to add Yrene, but other than The Assassin's Blade, I know nothing about her Maybe she'd play the lyre? Like ancient Greek vibes or smth BONUS: Fleetfoot & Abraxos can play every instrument

[lexr86]

Your Favourite Minor OCs

Do you write minor OCs (i.e. supporting or non-main characters) into your stories? For example, a friend or cousin, a schoolmate's cringy dad, a random pair of idiots that your MC's uncle works with. Do you by any chance have favourites?

I absolutely love coming up with new minor characters! Each one is lovingly crafted with a backstory, even if it doesn't all make it into the fic, & relationships to my MCs (both OC & canon). They live in my headspace & they're so much fun to play with.

My favourites are a pair called Charlie & Jack from You Shook Me. They both work with Lex's uncle Peter at a tattoo & piercing parlour in Hawkins, and there's more info below if you want to read about them.

Please tell me who your favourites are so I can love them too! 😍

Jack is the head piercer at the parlour. He's in his late 20s, is gay and has practiced BDSM for years, especially when he lived in New York. Reassuring and calm, as a Dom and a bondage expert he becomes Lex's confidant and unofficial mentor. He's tall and lanky with dark eyes, a shaved head and an impressive collection of piercings (ears, nose & lips). His style is very 70s punk and I could imagine him sporting a high mohawk in his youth. Jack is the calm before the storm.

Charlie is a cousin of the parlour's owner and an apprentice piercer, studying under Jack (who wonders what he must have done in a former life to be stuck with Charlie now). He's in his early 20s, is bisexual, is friendly and flirty, a true extrovert who loves attention and sex. He can be self-absorbed and is easily distracted. Physically, he's Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy (guess where I got the character's name!). Blue-eyed with blond hair and a beard, he's big and muscled, and Eddie somewhat jealously thinks of him as a Viking the first time he encounters him. Despite being a piercer, he's only got a single solitary earring. Charlie is the storm.

Here's your introduction to Jack and Charlie who first appear in Chapter 22 of Elevator Pitch:

Once inside the door of The Hideout, Lex paused for a moment to let her eyes adjust to the darkness of the bar before the man behind her prodded her sharply between her shoulder blades. “Owww!”

“To the bar, wench!” Charlie pushed her forward exuberantly. “You promised me beer and heavy metal, and I expect you to deliver both.”

Jack rolled his eyes and looked Lex up and down doubtfully. “She’s never gonna get served, even in a dive like this. You two find a table, I’ll get us drinks.” He stalked off as Lex and Charlie made their way to one of the few high tables between the bar and stage. Charlie was in the middle of telling a series of bawdy jokes when Jack arrived with three beers, taking the stool across from Lex’s. “I take it back. She’d get served no problem. That bartender gives no fucks. He just served some little punk who didn’t look more than 15.”

The three knocked the necks of their bottles together in an informal toast. “Prost!” grinned Charlie. “Did he say when the band’s on?”

“Five minutes, tops.”

Lex bounced in her seat a little and sipped at her beer, trying not to smile too obviously. Charlie rolled his eyes at her. “So much for playing it cool…”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “I’ve never seen him play. I’m allowed to be excited. Also, if he doesn’t realise I fancy the arse off him at this point, we’ve got bigger problems than me geeking out over him!”

Jack coughed and gestured towards the stage with his bottle. Corroded Coffin were making their way to their places. “Which one’s yours?”

Lex had to take sip of her beer to wet her suddenly dry mouth. “The one with the hair.” Another much needed sip. “And the arms…” Eddie was wearing a sleeveless AC/DC t-shirt that she hadn’t seen before, over a pair of army surplus trousers with the knees ripped out and combat boots. He had a black bandana tied around one wrist, his usual collection of rings, and a couple of heavy chains around his neck. Lex had to resist the urge to fan herself at the sight of him.

...

At the end of their set, the guys grabbed their gear and Eddie was the first one off the stage. Lex waited until he was making his way down the hallway to the side of the stage, and then bounced off her stool to go after him. She was yanked back by Charlie’s strong grip on her arm. “Where do you think you’re off to, young lady?”

“To say hi to Eddie.” Lex pouted at him.

“Nope, you can stay right there.” He raised his voice and yelled at Jeff who was descending the steps from the stage. “Oi, bassist! Tell your guitarist to come over and say hi once he’s got his gear stowed. And the rest of you can join him. We’ll get the drinks in.” He dropped his voice again to address Lex. “There we go. You get to say hi and we don’t have to explain to Pete how his niece, who he entrusted to our care, ended up fucking her man in the back of his car behind a dive bar.” He grinned smugly.

“But… he doesn’t even have a car. He has a van,” Lex grumbled.

“An even better reason to stay where you are! More space to roll around means more temptation.” Charlie pushed Lex’s half-finished beer in front of her. “Drink up, girlie, and I will tell you the terrible tale of the first time I screwed a guitarist in the back seat of her car, and the awful repercussions that should serve as a warning to all who decide to get involved with musicians! You, who are young and saveable, can learn from my mistakes…” Over his shoulder, Lex could see Jack rolling his eyes.

[windex-for-blood]

So, there's an American Dad episode with a subplot where it's discovered that playing Breaking Bad backwards reveals a treasure map. Vince Gilligan's voice guest stars and asks the viewer if they're a "bad enough dude" to find the treasure in question.

Now, this is MOSTLY a pun on Breaking Bad's name, and any reference to the seminal 80's beat-em-up arcade game Bad Dudes vs Dragon Ninja is likely co-incidental, and in the best case a result of this writer's episode being moderately nerdy millennials.

However.

Before creating the tense, grounded crime dramas he's now known for, Vince Gilligan created Wilder Napalm, a dark romantic comedy about a pryokinetic who works in a toll booth feuding with his likewise-powered brother over the love of the first man's wife. Just after that, he wrote some of the weirder X-Files episodes, usually with an odd through-line of characters who exist somewhere between super-villains and monsters including the one with a man who is literally made out of cancer, the one with a man with powers of persuasion so great that he could give somebody a heart attack over the phone, and the one where Adrian Monk has a shadow made of Dark Matter than can unmade anyone who steps in it.

The guy has some esoteric habits is my point.

So the question becomes: how much-or, more intriguingly, how little-money would it take to convince Vince Gilligan to write and/or produce a dead-serious, completely earnest adaptation of seminal 80s Beat-em-up arcade game Bad Dudes vs Dragon Ninja, in which renowned street toughs Blade and Striker are conscripted by the Secret Service to save President Ronald Reagan from a clan of terrorist in ninjas? Preferably in a morally grey, self-doubt filled saga of violence and self-inflicted tragedy that only half-jokingly get interpreted in a gay and gender-queer fashion by tumblr.

[majjiktricks]

Metal Gear!!

YIPPEEE TY FOR SENDING IT IN

Favorite character:

kazuhira miller my beloved

Least Favorite character:

oh man. i think most of the characters are pretty cool, or im at least neutral on. hm. even the awful evil villains i find really interesting. i guess i can collectively say the b&b corps? i thought they were just boring, overdramatic fanservice.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

❤️vkaz❤️ (venom snake/kaz miller)

otasune (solid snake/otacon)

solimiller (solid snake/kaz miller)

strangeboss (dr strangelove/the boss)

the insane mess that is bbvocelhira (big boss/venom snake/ocelot/kaz miller)

Character I find most attractive:

KAZ MILLER 😳 fucking. gender goals.

Character I would marry:

venom snake. or solid snake. both prime husband material ❤️

Character I would be best friends with:

otacon or mei-ling. i think we would get along very well :3 two very big nerds and also probably two of the sanest ppl in the series 😂

A random thought:

if you like mgs youll probably like no more heroes. begging more people to play them.

An unpopular opinion:

im not even sure this is an unpopular opinion but. i dont give a shit about the good queer rep/bad queer rep arguments. its a 30+ year old series with the majority of the games coming out before 2010. none of these characters are gonna be handled well. i still think the canon/subtextually queer characters are really interesting, even if they fall prey to stereotypes or the whole "queer-coded villain" thing (or in the case of metal gear where a not insignificant amount of the villains are explicitly queer)

or the ppl who get upset that ocelot HAS to be gay. why do you care. if someone wants to make him bi, let them. it doesnt hurt you. hes still queer either way.

My canon OTP:

i would argue otasune is basically canon. they adopted a daughter together.

if thats not good enough, then bbkaz 👍 awful awful couple and theyre so funny about it. they even had sex under a box on the beach.

Non-canon OTP:

vkaz. insane premise for a ship and i love it so much. what if i thought you were my lost love and you look and sound and act just like him but when i realize ive been tricked i vow to kill him (not you, just him). i love him and therefore i love you (i do.), i hate him and therefore i hate you (do i?).

Most badass character:

jetstream sam. guy does all that with no cybernetic enhancements (aside from the one arm he had to have replaced). (he wears a sort of power suit instead, whereas all his teammates are full on insane robot bodies. underneath his suit is mostly flesh and bone.)

Pairing I am not a fan of:

rairose. i just dont get it.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

ROSE AND NAOMI AND MERYL. they really dont know how to handle women 😭

Favourite friendship:

SUNNY AND RAIDEN 🥺🥺🥺

also raiden and blade wolf. very funny banter.

if the formatting is fucked up. im on mobile rn im sorry 💔

questions from here !!!

[fancoloredglasses]

Zorro (Get your swashes buckled, folks!)

[All images are owned by New World Television and Zorro Productions, Inc (really!) Please don’t sue me or ruin my clothing with Zs]

(Thanks to megafan_12)

For those who are unaware, Zorro (“The Fox” in Spanish) is a masked swordsman who fights a corrupt government in the same vein as Robin Hood or the Scarlet Pimpernel, but in the town of Los Angeles during the time California was under Spanish/Mexican rule. Much like the aforementioned literary heroes, Zorro is a member of the local aristocracy (Don Diego de la Vega, son of one of the largest landowners in the region) who acts like a dandy and a coward to hide his masked activities.

He has been in literature since 1919 and has been in several movies and television shows (usually by a white man) In fact, it wasn’t until the 70s that a Latino (or Spanish) actor was cast in the role! Talk about injustice!

Most people know the Zorro films that starred Antonio Banderas as the title character (who inherited the mantle from Anthony Hopkins, yet ANOTHER white guy!) Many have seen Guy Ritchie as Zorro in the 50s (who didn’t need to worry about being white since the series was filmed in black & white and no one could tell his skin tone) The film I was first introduced to the character was Zorro, the Gay Blade (no, it wasn’t porn!) which starred Goerge Hamilton (yep, another while guy) as Don Diego and his twin brother Ramon (AKA “Bunny Wigglesworth” who was, shall we say, a bit flamboyant) The less said about that film, the better.

But the subject for this review was a forgotten gem from the 90s that aired on the cable network known as The Family Channel (I swear I saw it in the USA Network, but I couldn’t find any record in my research to prove this)

The series, naturally, follows Don Diego (played by Duncan Regehr yet ANOTHER white guy!)

…and his masked alter ego. (NOTE: Regehr was more muscular and fit than most previous actors in the role, meaning he could be a bit more physical. The character was also written as being a bit of a science buff)

Don Diego lives with his father Don Alejandro (played by Efrem Zimbalist Jr (yep, also white), who voiced Alfred in Batman: the Animated Series, in season 1…

…and Henry Darrow (FINALLY! A Latino actor, and one who actually played Zorro a few years earlier!) for the rest of the series)

…as well as his family’s mute servant Felipe (played by Juan Diego Botto), who also pretends to be deaf and is the only one who knows Don Diego’s secret (it’s not like he can tell anyone)

Don Diego’s love interest is Victoria Escalante (played by Patrice Martinez, who also played the love interest in The Three Amigos)

Zorro fights the corrupt Alcalde (governor) of the territory around Los Angeles Luis Ramone (played by Michael Tylo...yep, another one)

…but was replaced in season 3 by Ignacio de Soto (played by J.G. Hertzler (Seriously?!))

The Alcalde’s chief aide (and leader of the garrison) is Sgt. Mendoza (played by James Victor, the ONE Latino on the bad guys' side), who is the comic relief (of course...) for the series (which explains why they can never stop Zorro)

The plots generally revolve around the Alcalde’s latest plot to stop Zorro by trapping him while performing some form of injustice against the people of Los Angeles, only to be foiled. Note that while the series is very by-the-numbers, the action sequences are well done and there are a number of well-known (or soon-to-be-well-known) actors (as well as, for some reason, a handful of World Wrestling Federation wrestlers) who have guest starred.

As always, if you would like to see an episode reviewed, please let me know!

[rubywolf0201]

Before I post screenshots about HSR’s Ver 1.2 storyline, here are my thoughts on it

*WARNING*: May contain spoilers for Ver 1.2 so be cautious when reading it

Are we still here? Good! Let’s proceed:

- I instantly regretted being Trailblazer Level 60+ because now the enemies are a struggle and I only got lucky because I got Silver Wolf and Luocha with me.

- Speaking of, it took me around 100 turns to defeat the Sanctus Medicus goon. The wolf enemies are basically the hardest mobs to take down sadly.

- Managed to meet up with Fu Xuan thankfully and my goodness, I ended up taking lots of screenshots of her.

- Anyways, the Alchemy Commission is quite a breathtaking place. Lots of great scenery.

- Did the task of shutting down the machine that spreads mist that’ll turn the Cloud Knights into mara-stricken and thankfully using the Camouflage paint thing I made beforehand to conceal myself.

- Dan Shu’s boss fight was legitimately hard and I only succeeded thanks to the team composition of Luocha, Silver Wolf, Yang and Jing Yuan.

- Was NOT expecting Tingyun to be revealed as the Lord Ravager Phantylia or rather the ‘host’ of it. Also the expression she gave before she snapped her neck gave me the chills. Guess Tingyun being suspicious since the Ambrosial Arbor’s awakening has been pretty well foreshadowed in a creepy way.

- After some time when Fu Xuan send what has happened recently to Jing Yuan and some speculation on what has happened with the real Tingyun whether or not she existed in the first place, we boarded the ship that leads us to Scalegorge Waterscape.

- Meanwhile with Dan Heng, Sushang and Luocha, both arrived at the Alchemy Comidsion where the three of them went their separate ways. For Sushang, she’s reporting to the nearest Cloud Knight captain, Luocha has to be someplace else and our boi Danny is going to search for his friends!

- From there, there were several foreshadowing that there’s more to Dan Heng and I really like it to be honest because of the subtle buildup. Also the boat cutscene is lovely and photogenic.

- Me when I see Blade and Kafka: 🥰😍

- Me when I saw my boi and very first 5 star unit Yanqing: 😆

- I’m quite curious tho I wonder how does Kafka even managed to control the Mara within Blade. That must have taken a lot of power but I’m pretty sure from Kafka’s POV, it’s just child’s play to her.

- Imma say this but the way Daman Mills voiced Blade is quite amazing and very different from his other roles like Yotasuke from Blue Period. The way he just laughed maniacally, the way he said ‘Don’t hide’, man these are so good!

- The boss fight with Yanqing is thankfully story-mandated and the cutscenes for it is quite dynamic.

- Yanqing copying what Jingliu has taught him in his Companion Quest is quite formidable!

- Thank the goddess Kafka stopped the fight because she sense the arrival of Jing Yuan.

- Me when I saw Jing Yuan: I’m not gay for him but- 👀

- Kinda a little sad to see Blade and Kafka go but hey they decided to take a backseat and so.

- Speaking of which, love how Kafka has a bit of a Tired Mum™️ vibes within her alluring and charming prescene at least when it comes to Bladie and Silver Wolf lmao.

- It’s nice to see my OTP of Dan Heng x Jing Yuan finally being real /joke but no fr, it actually turns out that Jing Yuan knew Dan Heng, or rather Dan Feng.

- Actually, I find it pretty funny how Dan Heng kept the Dan in his name and only changed his second name or Chinese character when he reincarnated.

- P.S. I need to know Danny’s secret on how he managed to hide his long hair, pointy ears and different outfit. Though part of me thinks it’s some kind of Vidyadhara magic.

- Anyways, our boi Danny and best husbando Jing Yuan caught up with the main crew and wowzers the way March was the first to speak about Danny’s different appearance is just out of pocket.

- Anyways, using Dan Heng’s true form in story-mandated battles is the best!

- It’s kind of funny how Danny is still the POV character but oh well I have him spoke to March, Yang and the Trailblazer but it’s sort of funny how when speaking to Caelus/Stelle, they just give head nods and remain silent, more or less reflecting the Silent Protagonist trope.

- The cutscene where Dan Heng revealed the Scalegorge Waterscape temple is a sight to behold.

- Seeing Jing Yuan trust Fu Xuan on the duty to General to her if he didn’t make it is just 🥹 (I love these two ok)

- Anyways, avoided the enemies as usual using the Camoflauge tool because I’m severely underleveled.

- The temple riddles are a tad bit annoying but I got through to them alright.

- Reached to the ending and now we’re kicking Phantylia’s ass! And we’re using a story-mandated Jing Yuan as well! (Thank goodness because my Jing Yuan is underleveled as heck)

- Seeing Phantylia’s true form is quite a sight! I love how balance the design is.

- My final team ended up being Luocha, Sampo, Yang and story-mandated Jing Yuan.

- The flowers assisting Phantylia is just straight up annoying because it leeches Skill Points but defeating them can help you recover them.

- Jing Yuan’s voiceline for Phantylia is just pure awesomeness! Props to Aleandrjo for voicing him.

- Having Dan Heng be summoned in the middle of the boss fight like back in Jarilo VI’s boss fight against Cocolia? SUPER AWESOME!!

- Defeating Phantylia is quite hard but we did it-

- Oh fuck oh no!! Jing Yuan is captured and is about to be turned into a Voidranger! Thankfully Danny saved the day!!

- Also you can’t convince me that he was about to Princess carry Jing Yuan too as well!

- Anywho, to conclude, Phantylia is gone for now and Jing Yuan more or less declared a war against her and the rest of the Antimatter Legion before being collapsing from exhaustion and have to be brought back to rest.

- Overall, this quite an engaging story and I hope the rest of the story in HSR is like that as well in future updates!

Anyways, these are my thoughts on Ver 1.2 storyline.m and I hope you like them!