#That would just be cruel to them.
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momomallowart · 22 days ago
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They deserve to have fun ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔっ✨
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ruporas · 1 year ago
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in a mood (ID in alt)
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crystallizsch · 17 days ago
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the character inspo posts had me thinking about yuuna during twst and pre-twst (in their original world specifically) so uh here's a comparison:
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spinetrick · 1 year ago
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dehumanizes your aliens
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marc--chilton · 2 months ago
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people who watched house md and bojack horseman can compare the two titular characters easily on first glance, but real mentally ill people who WATCHED both shows have to deal with the knowledge that no matter what a casual watcher might say, bojack is undoubtedly so much worse than house
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trappedinafantasy37 · 25 days ago
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Since Minthara presents an exterior shell made of steel, and she's sometimes mean, and is an absolute badass in battle, she is often treated and perceived as someone who feels no emotions. And this often occurs to individuals who do put on such a tough exterior. It also does not help that many people perceive evil characters as incapable of doing or feeling anything other than evil. That love and evil are innately incompatible.
But Minthara is not emotionless, she does feel things. Sadness, grief, fear, loneliness, anger, anxiety, paranoia, vengeance, love. She can laugh, she can tell jokes, she can cry, she can smile, and she does get upset at things. If anything, she is emotionally repressed and emotionally guarded and the times where she does really express her more negative and vulnerable emotions is when it becomes too much to hold back and it comes out a little over the top. We have to remember she comes from a society in which such outward emotional expression would be rewarded with social punishment, religious scorn, or even death. So she really doesn't have the healthiest mechanisms to express her emotions.
She hides what she feels all the time as a means of keeping herself safe from punishment. She keeps it to herself cause she does not want you to see her as weak, as she would have been in the past. And she certainly does not want you or anyone else to punish her for it either. She hides behind little pet names and even using words from languages she knows you don't understand as that is the only way she feels safe being vulnerable with you. In her past, her love was rewarded with new wounds and new scars. She is terrified to open up to you, fearing that you will hurt her because she loves you. That her love for you won't actually be enough to stop you from hurting her. And she will only ever admit she loves you in contexts that have a high risk of death because there's really not much for her to lose at that point so she may as well tell you.
She also has a habit of intellectualizing what she feels and experiences so that they appear as "rational" and "logical" rather than emotional and to distance herself from her emotions. She says it takes a sharp mind to have sympathy for someone who suffers unnecessarily. She is trying to make it appear that emotions like sympathy is a matter of the mind, not the heart. That it is a mark of intelligence, because otherwise it would be the mark of weakness.
She blames herself for her own torments, like she deserved the awful things that happened to her. She frames the situation like she is more at fault and more deserving of blame, than the people who hurt her. It is the only way she can find any reason in what happened to her and any reason in her tormentors actions. That she did something wrong and induced someone's wrath upon her, rather than acknowledging that the person who hurt her is just a bad person.
She deserved what Ketheric and Orin did to her because she was "weak, passive, proud". That her emotional state had blinded her from the trap that was set, giving Ketheric and Orin ample opportunity to attack her. That if she hadn't felt those exact emotions, then it wouldn't have happened. She could have seen the trap coming, or she could have fought back.
Or if you attempt to tell her that her childhood was rough and her mother abused her, she immediately deflects by saying, "it could have been worse" and therefore, what she did actually experience wasn't really that bad. And yeah, sure, maybe she needed certain lessons given that she lived in a cruel and dangerous society like Menzoberranzan where she had to be prepared for violence at all times. But trauma is not born of love, it is born of fear, of pain, of agony, and her mother still tried to kill her. Regardless of her mother's intent, it was the first broken bond of trust and it left a mark on Minthara. Where she began to believe that her mother would torment her for torments sake, and she had doubts on whether or not her mother actually loved her.
When you encounter the first Orin imposter, it's pretty damn obvious she is terrified. And you kinda gotta squeeze it out of her to admit that she's afraid. Where it's "I'm afraid of Orin because she is capable of this, this, and this, and you should be too" rather than "I am afraid of Orin because she hurt me." And she begs you, BEGS, to keep her safe because she knows her fear makes her vulnerable to Orin.
She doesn't even truly acknowledge that she wasn't at fault for what Orin did to her until Orin is dead. She doesn't start putting the blame on Orin until Orin is dead. She doesn't go through the emotional process of sympathizing with herself until Orin is dead. And she doesn't admit that she undoubtedly has trauma, until Orin is dead. She gets so wrapped up, and so lost in her own fear and paranoia that she never has the room to properly process the things that happen to her. That her primary concern right now is keeping you, the others, and herself safe and her emotions can wait because wallowing in them will only make her weak. Only does the distance of death give her the room to start healing. Only problem is that there have always been threats and they never end, they never stop. So it is rare for Minthara to ever have a moment of peace and safety to work through what she feels and they just get backed up. Ignoring your problems does not make them go away.
So you wanna know what will happen when an embrace Durge betrays her? She will fall to her death, a knife in her belly, blaming herself for your betrayal. All her worst fears have come to pass and you were indeed a lover who hurt her because she loved you, and that she was a fool to ever trust you at all. That if she didn't love you, maybe you wouldn't have hurt her. She doesn't understand your reasoning, she can't make sense of it, she doesn't know why you'd betray her, so it must have been her fault for thinking you'd be different. That if she hadn't been so loyal, so devoted, that she could have been spared. That her belief that you would rule together is what damned her. She will die blaming herself for her own murder before she ever gets a chance to start blaming you.
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zer0point5ive · 1 year ago
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buttercupshands · 6 months ago
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MHA didn't create some miracle way of helping others. It was never promised to be this way. And when it came to villains...
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Spoilers for manga all the way to chapter 423.
The only way to get anything in life in MHA was to be born "normal" like everyone else and that way of thinking never left Izuku with Toga getting the same treatment she did before from everyone from her family to her "normal" classmates. It was Ochako who helped Toga even if just a little by lifting the weight of all the feelings that Toga had.
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She couldn't save Toga the way one could save a civilian by saving them from harm. If it worked that way Dabi would've saved Toga even before Ochako could apologize for failing to notice Toga. She was so lazer focused on saving everyone else, that she was just another villain to stop, not a human.
Even if by the end of it Ochako helped Toga to deal with her grief, acceptance as it was wasn't something possible when a quirk makes you want to drink someone's blood from jealousy.
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We got a bittersweet ending with Toga, in which she probably died from blood loss just like her double did in MVA. If it wasn't for Twice she would've died back then.
Giving away her blood for Ochako wasn't a redemption or a way to save Toga in the end, more as it was her being true to herself until the very end.
Just like Twice chose to stay with the League even if Hawks offered him a way to survive that battle. He refused and died protecting his friends who accepted him instead of choosing to betray them and accept Hawks' offer.
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After Twice's death... It was a matter of time that more 'active' LoV members would join him as well. As sad as it is, we now can return to Izuku.
Who, after his time OFA-AFO quirk space, now wanted to help a "crying boy" he saw in Tenko just as before with Katsuki in chapter 1. He didn't forgive Tomura and didn't excuse the way he chose to solve his problems.
It didn't mean that Tomura would survive in their battle, even if Izuku didn't see killing others as a way to solve problems. He didn't understand Tomura, but he still wanted to try, and try he did.
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The rest of this post was nothing more than a contextual prologue to understand that it's not the first time a hero failed to save a villain and in Twice's case we know that he died and his death was the reason Toga started thinking about her own possible death and Dabi finally revealed himself as Toya.
The goal of saving a "crying boy" never was an end-goal for Izuku in the Final arc, since helping Tomura deal with his feelings just left him hollow with a goal that clashed with Izuku's. As being a hero for villains meant destroying the world for them to help them live freely.
But that was before AFO resurfaced.
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Sadly after that Tomura who was talking about making his own choices for a while now stopped doing that. Even if he still had a goal of helping villains and only villains, Tomura was almost gone. And his goals were now unreachable.
Izuku helped Nana who in turn kept Tomura from fading away entirely. In MHA there were countless situations where Izuku's help affected people by helping a different person to keep hope, All-Might being the first one and Nana being the last one at the moment.
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Hollow after Izuku helped him to get rid of his hatred Tomura could do the only thing he did - accept the situation as it was.
Accepting AFO as his Sensei, accepting Stain's ideals and Overhaul's deal was the way he solved his problems. Just like Izuku had a problem of understanding something outside of his norm, Tomura was accepting too many things, which lead to his downfall after accepting AFO's quirk.
Just like Twice could've given up everything that he had for his friends so did Tomura.
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With Izuku helping as much as he could let Tomura to finally rest as he wasn't really living ever since waking up in the hospital. With his body now affected by AFO's wishes instead of his own until the end.
In a way Izuku didn't succeed in his wish for Tomura to stop ever since PLF war arc. As he "kept fighting to destroy" no matter how hard Izuku tried to stop him.
The only thing he succeeded in was changing Tomura's mind about himself, instead of viewing himself as a monster he accepted that he was a human just like Izuku said. A "crying boy" who couldn't really destroy Izuku's hands in the end.
For a group of Villains who weren't supposed to get profiles of their own at the start of the series, League is slowly fading as the most memorable group that there was in MHA, getting backstories, their own Villain themed arc all the while being as human as anyone else.
As sad as their story is they were not "unlucky", they didn't need a happy false ending where they would need to change to be normal - they chose to live this way and they lived it to it's fullest.
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dirtytransmasc · 4 months ago
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imagine if Aeron and Davos survived the burning of the mill and had to witness the merciless carnage of the Blackwoods against the Bracken's after Daemon orders Willem to turn the Bracken's to Daemon's side.
imagine them finding each other in the chaos. Davos cannot stand for it, because he loves Aeron, and these are Aeron's people, and they are but women and children, even if they're still Bracken's. they could be his aunt's or little cousins or even nieces or nephews. hurting his family feels wrong.
Aeron is angry, his people are being pillaged and tortured, women and children are going missing and being slaughtered in their homes, in their beds. his lovers kin is doing this, they're savaging his people for holding strong.
and then they find one another. Aeron is blazing with fury, even as the flames lick at and singe his still healing wounds. Davos, usually the one itching for a fight, for the spill of blood, looks pale at the scene around them.
Aeron throws a punch, not giving the Blackwood a chance to attack him and move onto the next victim, not able to see anything past the others red clothing and Blackwood sigil, but Davos catches it, hiking the other's hand gently.
"Babe killers, all of you, you- why are you doing this?" comes Aeron's agonized cry, unable to free his hand, choosing to swing with his non-dominant hand, aiming for Davos's chest. Davos lets him, before taking that one too. "you stoop so low to attack women in their beds, spill their and their children's blood on their very own sheets, steal our food, all because we had honor?"
he's teary eyed even as his face flushes with anger, his ears tinge bright red, his beautiful hair hanging in his face, in his eyes. his lips look like they're red from crying and biting. it's still torn, like the high of his cheek. he favors one leg over the other. he's still wounded from battle.
Davos can see that he is beautiful, even in a moment like this, and his kin are tarnishing that beauty.
"I'm sorry," is all he can say. he squeezes Aeron's hands in his own. "I'm sorry, I-" what does he say? what could he say? does he betray his house and apologize for their actions? would he even be believed? would that hurt Aeron's heart more?
he doesn't say anything else, not yet, just drops Aeron's hands so he can take his face, holding just tight enough that Aeron can't pull away. he doesn't kiss him, just looks in his eyes, lets their pain and fury wash over him.
"this is wrong!" Aeron cursed
"I know."
"can't you see it's wrong?"
"I do"
"why won't you stop them? why won't you make it stop?"
"I can't."
"can't? or won't?" his eyes were dark now.
"can't. if I stop them, try to stop them, they will put a blade in my heart, it will have been for nothing."
"then you're a coward." it felt like a punch. it was true. even if he could stop this, he wouldn't. he was afraid. he could not stand between his kin and the Bracken's.
"I am... but if it were the other way around, would you?"
Aeron sighed, the fight leaving him. he leaned into Davos, their foreheads coming together.
"no."
Davos was not angry at the answer - they were just boys and this was war. they were boys and their people had been fighting for longer than they could comprehend. they were just boys and they were afraid- instead, he just kissed him softly, praying no one would see them, or if they did, then they would just strike them down here where they stood, that they would let them die together, tangled into one.
"they had honor. they would not be forced to pledge for another simply because they were afraid of death. their honor was meant with depravity." Aeron whispers through tears now.
Davos nodded. they did have honor. more honor than his own kin had.
"I'm sorry."
Aeron didn't speak again, just held onto him, wrapping his arms around his back, taking hold of his cloak, balling it up in shaking fists. Davos moved to copy him, threading one hand into his soft hair, gently smoothing it with his thumb, and the other wrapping around his waist.
they stayed there. through the screams and the cries and the smell of smoke and the calls of animals being herded from their fields. they were together, two boys hiding in the forest as their houses slaughtered each other.
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kelocitta · 2 months ago
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There is currently a rather large discussion ongoing about the RW fandom behavior, drama, etc. I am not going to talk about the specifics of whats happened for a number of reasons. But what I do want to say is that if at any point you've harassed people over it, whether that be through anon asks or public posts- you did nothing but damage the ability for people to correctly process what is happening. You contributed nothing but harm to an already delicate situation. It does not matter what "side" you were on and I will not tolerate further interaction with me or my work if I found out you did such. If you let your personal hate for anyone boil over into threats, wishes for long term harm and petty comments meant to contribute nothing but slander or mental distress for the individuals involved who were already distressed (or acting irrationally) you did nothing but make it harder for people to process their emotions, thoughts and behaviors constructively. Regardless of who you think was in the right, who fucked up, whatever. It doesn't matter if they deserved it, or earned it, or if its an eye for an eye. Its difficult enough as it is to think clearly when presented with any kind of stressful situation and heckling people does nothing but make it worse and harder for them to explain themself in any capacity. I don't want you anywhere near me if you think that is an acceptable way to act.
#Please do not ask for me details- I am not involved#I am not the person to ask.#I very intentionally stay out of wider fandom circles because i want to keep enjoying things i like (lol)#But i have seen some absolutely vile behavior both openly and on alts or anon#even from the 'anti harassment' side because of course they also just want a justified target#to hurt or slander but this time under the guise of 'well they did it first!'#Its a pathetic display on all sides in terms of behavior long before for you even try picking a part who fucked up and where#and its not surprising that many artists have felt uncomfortable with it long before it boiled over into this. It would have been a problem#even if there had never been an actual incident because people were simply behaving in uncomfortable and offputting ways in regards to how#they treated creators here. fandom has a problem in general with that but it was particularly public and open#Anyway Im not leaving the fandom or anything im comfortably on the fringes of it for a reason and dont intend on digging in any further.#But this issue has been cooking for months for frankly and with this its gotten even more openly hostile. And yes- even those#'anti harassment' types are very happy to harass when they have their own reason for it. so im not giving them an inch#But beyond that and this particular incident people have just been way too comfortable being cruel openly#and letting their personal dislike of things bleed into how they act.#Also one more thing: If an artist deletes or leaves and takes their art with them the bear minimum of respect is to honor that choice#save what you want when its there and keep it but if they want their work gone than god respect that dont set up entire archives#for shit people choose to wipe. If they delete it that should be honored no matter how you feel about it#t.extpost
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sheerakk · 2 years ago
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Garth, thank you for existing
@assigned-k9 thank you for creating her!!
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mollysunder · 3 months ago
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What if Ekko and some the Firelights are the only Zaunites that came to help defend Piltover?
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I noticed in what is supposedly the big battle between PnZ vs Noxus, we actually don't see Zaun fighters attacking Noxian forces. The only Zaunites we see fighting Noxians, or at least providing support to Piltover is Ekko and the Firelights.
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Between Ekko and the Firelights, only Ekko is wearing Jinx's X tag. From the trailer we can see that other Zaunites that rally behind Jinx or just support her either wear her pink X, dye their hair blue, or wear burgundy red (like Silco). The firelights don't dress like this, but Ekko does while he leads them in this fight. It could be a sign that they separated recently and came back together for this fight.
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From the battle scenes we get in the trailer, it's more likely that Ambessa's forces had tried to take hold of Zaun, but were ultimately pushed out. In the shot where Ambessa's topside fighting against Piltovan enforcers, her mask is clearly damaged. If you look closely, you'll notice that there's at least three deep diagonal scratches across it.
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There are only two seasoned fighters capable of leaving that kind of damage, Warwick or Sevika with her new arm (or maybe dhe got her claws back). Since I'm confident Warwick would turn Ambessa into ribbons, I think it's likely her and Sevika traded blows instead.
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And then there's the scene where Ambessa has lead her forces in what must supposedly be Viktor's territory in the Sump. From the few shots of the place, we know there's about 6-7 people there including Viktor, and somehow they'll manage to repel Ambessa's army back?
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Really, all the teasers and trailers have shown that Noxus will try to occupy every level of Zaun from the Sump to the Promenade, and even in Stillwater. The battle in Piltover probably only happens once Ambessa's forces are completely pushed out of Zaun and back into Piltover, and suddenly it's Piltover's problem.
Ekko and the Firelights are probably only helping Piltover because they assume leaving Ambessa in control would make everything worse. Meanwhile Jinx, Sevika, and Viktor's factions won't see a difference between Piltover and Noxus since they were literally working together (really it's a lateral move to most), and are content to watch them fight it out.
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Obviously we see Jinx in what could be an airship over Piltover, but what makes us think she's there to help?
Tldr: Jinx, Sevika, and Viktor's factions respectively when Piltover asks for aid against Noxus.
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inkskinned · 2 years ago
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what is considered "beautiful" by society is inevitably sexist, racist, ableist, classist, transphobic, and bigoted. it targets and attacks any perceived difference, and it particularly villainizes women of color while co-opting aesthetics; as if features and cultural norms can be worn as accessories.
and the scary thing! you can see all of these things, know them to be true logically, and also know that you are treated better if you are perceived as beautiful. if you have ever been treated as "ugly", you know exactly how much society reviles you if you don't manage to scamper along and perform to their rules.
and how are you supposed to balance that? do you want a nose job to fix your broken nose, or have you just recently been seeing videos about how many people look better after nose jobs. do you want to lose weight to feel good, or is it that when you lose weight people treat you better. do you want to wear this outfit, or is it just the thing that's least likely to get you harassed. do you want to get lip injections for your reasons or is your whole reason that you don't feel beautiful unless you get those lip injections?
and the definitions shift. the goals get more specific. in the way that you only become aware of your tongue when someone mentions it; parts of your body are introduced as problems. i had never heard the term "hip dip" until about a year ago - and it was in the context of how to get rid of this. i'm 30, i know this shit is invented, and yet! i still find that strange voice saying but do you think someone is going to notice?
how the fuck am i supposed to say "this is my genuine choice i am making for my body" when i also know that years of my life have been spent socializing me to accept this as my inevitable fate? how do i know i'm actually doing this out of love for my body - or am i doing it for how i want others to see me, which will be lovely enough to feel loved? how am i supposed to recover when my unhealthy habits are seen as self-discipline but if i relax i'm openly mocked for "letting time win"? how the fuck am i supposed to say "i'm doing it for me" when i'm also very aware that i'm doing it to stop myself from being teased or demeaned? is it my choice if the other option is being bullied?
we are living in a hostage negotiation - either consent to the demands or spend the rest of your life being treated like you're a despicable person.
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kedreeva · 3 months ago
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What would happen if a chick had nothing to imprint on, not even hatchmates, or if it couldn't see anything? What would that chick act like?
I don't know, as that would be very cruel to do to a baby, so no one would or should do it.
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transmaverique · 4 months ago
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amab and afab, if they were used as shorthand for the actual full phrases that they signify, with emphasis on the "assigned" part, and an understanding that they are enforcements of normative (ie, dyadic and cisgender and binary) sex, would be like. really useful. but people took the terms and started using them as shorthand FOR normative sex instead of the ENFORCEMENT OF normative sex. so when other trans people (almost always dyadic trans people) ask for your agab they are almost always asking for your Original Genital Situation. your starting point, so to say. and the reason FOR asking is also almost always bc they are trying to also enforce a certain kind of normativity within queer spaces (which is stupid bc being queer is inherently non-normative but here we are). like, you cant be a lesbian if you're ftm, bc you ARE m, so if you ARE a lesbian, then that means you're lying about some aspect of your identity. does that make sense?
it is always always always incredibly.... i do not trust dyadic trans people that use cagab terms, even moreso than i do not trust dyadic trans people that just use agab terms. agab is also coopted intersex language, but the "coercive" part of cagab SPECIFICALLY refers to medical "intervention" of intersex characteristics, such as "corrective" surgeries and hrt. i am deeply fucking suspicious of any dyadic trans person that uses those terms exactly the same as described above, even moreso if they do so bc "all gender is coercive".
like. yeah. that's true. but you use these terms to erase and overtake intersex discussions on the medical abuse of intersex infants. and i cant help but wonder why you would feel the need to do that.
#iirc it was also common to tirf ideology and the baeddel group#< notoriously intersexist group#to say nothing of any other tirf beliefs#both of these misuses of agab and cagab come from the same source#but it is . deeply disconcerting with cagab#bc its like. that is such a lesser known term in the greater dyadic trans community#you would HAVE to have known what it originally meant#either YOU are misusing it INTENTIONALLY#or someone TAUGHT you to misuse it INTENTIONALLY#people that are cruel and bigoted always want to believe theyre good people#so its hard to convince them when they are being bigoted#esp as marginalized people#and especially as a marginalized people that is particularly affected by the same enforcement of normative sex#the more i learned about this the more i learned abt intersexism in trans spaces#the more i notice it. its so fucking pervasive#and like u should care abt intersexism on its own but its like#no surprise that the ppl misusing cagab terms usually are transandrophobic (as the discourse du jour) and exorsexist#these things go together and reinforce each other#anyways it sucks bc ill see a BEAUTIFULLY written analysis of transmisogyny but so often there will be#like one thing. two things maybe.#and ill go to ops blog search a few keywords and lo and behold#they are transphobic. they are intersexist. they are racist. they are aphobic.#all forms of exclusionist politic in the queer community just lead into each other ad infinitum#nauseating... and#i will read the theory of people who disgust me or who are fundamentally wrong abt other ppls experiences bc i think they still have#valuable things to say but i am SO FUCKING TIRED of running into the same goddamn problem EVERY fucking time#i think its just the posts that get circulated the most that are like that#bc i think the majority of people dont actively seek out and learn abt new queer theory as it rolls in#or other ppls experiences in general#so they dont learnt to recognize the red flags or even realize why its bad in the first place
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dollypopup · 6 months ago
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"Colin should have grovelled more!" "Penelope folded too easily"
I think statements like this typically come from people who like Penelope. . .but don't really understand her. And don't really understand just why she cares for Colin, and just why him groveling would not in any way bring her peace.
Penelope and Colin are kindred spirits in their loneliness, in season 3 more than any others. Penelope had lost her friendship with Eloise, and Colin didn't really have a close friend circle to begin with. Except with Pen. Pen was the person he could put the mask down for, could open up to, (in particular with their 'dreams' discussion) and that's why he couldn't even entertain the idea of giving up talking to her in Season 2. She is a vital part of his life, and holds so much significance and importance to him.
I imagine that's what made their silence over his travels especially painful for him. They spent such a long time talking after Season 1, and he even informs her that her letters were so encouraging, that it helped him heal something inside of himself. That if she could see him in a gentle way. . .so could he. (And he repays this, because he is honest to god out here acting and looking at her like she hung the moon in the sky). But without her presence in his life, he spiraled. Didn't feel confident in being who he is, and thus put on his persona more firmly. We know this because he wrote in his journal that "I want to be less needy, less insecure, while still maintaining the core of my vulnerability that makes me who I am". That he misses his family, that he misses home.
And we know, from the books, that Home? Home is Penelope. Penelope is his North Star, is his guiding force, and who I argue he feels he needs. In his very first scene, he looks toward her house, tries to find her in the window. When he does not, he returns to his family. In the outdoor gathering, he looks for her and finds her, eager to talk. He states aloud that he misses her, and I imagine he wrote it, too. Not hearing back from her over the course of his travels was surely something that hurt him, but he doesn't hold any ill will toward her for it, only wants to reconnect again. In fact, the one and only time he brings up how he misses her and that she didn't respond, she makes very clear the reason why: she heard what he said and it hurt her. And he's ashamed of it.
Colin hears her call him cruel, and instead of ruffling his feathers about it, instead of getting upset, instead of having a chip on his shoulder as I feel so many men would about it. . .he understands why she does so.
Penelope is a woman who has been largely treated poorly in her society. She feels unheard, she feels undesired, and in her circumstances, and I can't help but ask myself. . .has anyone ever truly apologized to Penelope for hurting her, before? Her mother? Her sisters? Eloise, likely, but. . .anyone else? And the way Colin did? Because of all the characters in the show, Colin? Colin knows how to apologize. He has a lot of practice in it. And very importantly: Colin, a man of privilege in his society, apologizes. . .predominately to women. To Marina, to his mother, and multiple times to Penelope.
Ultimately, Penelope wants to be heard, Penelope wants to be understood, Penelope wants to feel desired.
And Colin checks every single one of those boxes. He informs he is not who he was before, and then he proves it to her. He hears that he hurt her, and he comments on it directly. An entire night apart, and he comes back to her 'Because I embarrass you' with 'I am most certainly not ashamed of you', replies to her 'I am a laughingstock' with 'you are clever, and warm, and I am proud to call you my good friend'. He hears her proclaim her own insecurities, and empathizes so deeply with her. He listens. He understands. He makes clear that he cares for her, and that she *is* desired. 'You lift my spirits' 'I seek you out at every social assembly'. That she helps him see the world in ways he loves, that he sees HER and how much she has cared for HIM, that she makes him feel appreciated, that he appreciates her, in turn.
And then? Then? He shows her. He tells her, and he shows her. His actions all throughout Season 3 reinforce this apology. He continues looking for her in every corner of every ballroom, he continues complimenting her, he laughs at her jokes and respects her boundaries, he is ever so gentle with her, he listens to her with an attentiveness that no one else has ever given her. To Lady Whistledown? Sure. But to Penelope? Who else in the entirety of that ton has listened to Penelope the way Colin has?
Absolutely no one.
Penelope Featherington ghosts Colin Bridgerton for months with no explanation, and Colin comes back wanting to reach out to her, and she finally tells him why.
And he apologizes. Because he listens. Really, truly listens. And really truly cares.
I need you to understand how rare that is, even nowadays, but especially back then. That Colin is the kind of man who can put his hurt to the side and realize he made a mistake, that he said something callous, and he adores her, and he can't lose her, and he has to see her and make it right.
Because that's why Penelope fell for Colin. Not because he's beautiful, not for his charm, not for his family. But for his heart. Because he shows her kindness in a world that so often disregards her. Because he seeks her out and tries to understand her, truly hears what she has to say and compliments her, says he's sorry and looks at things from her perspective.
Because he saw her when she was invisible.
Penelope Featherington, who grew up in a house that made cruel jabs at her, has Colin Bridgerton come to her and say he regrets what he said, and that he was wrong, and that he understands why she's mad at him. Penelope Featherington who has so rarely had much of anyone tell her that they're sorry for what they said about her, sits before Colin Bridgerton as he professes how much she means to him. That he cannot even spend a full day away from her knowing they're on bad terms with each other without making it right. That he sees how she is hurting and he has to in any way he can amend it. She is lonely, with no one really in her corner at the start of season 3, and she feels like she lost it all, and Colin comes to her and says 'no, I'm here and I appreciate you and you are special to me, please let me in and let me prove it'. Is it any wonder why after she shakes his hand, she stands in the sun, and she feels the warmth of it, she can smile? That she can breathe, again? That she can be truly content for the first time in the season?
Because Penelope Featherington does not want Colin to beg. She knows him. She knows the tender, full heart he hides behind the new cavalier persona. She knows the soft underbelly of Colin Bridgerton.
He never had to grovel. All he had to do was love her. Assuredly. Fervently. Loudly. Unapologetically.
And he does.
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