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Tall Tales, 28 November 2022
#Tall Tales#Tall Tales live#but also#Tall Tales on Zoom#John Finnemore#28 November 2022#(yes it was on a Monday)
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Today's ride—the historic Chesapeake Bay buyboat Mildred Belle.
#we did a crew exchange with her and it was lovely!#mildred belle#historic ship#historic vessel#age of steam#early 20th century#fishing vessel#chesapeake bay#maritime history#nautical history#tall ships america#maritime#nautical#fishing boat#fishing boats#living classrooms#tales from the sea#once again actually from the river#two different rivers today!
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recoils as if shot and then jerks back up on hands and knees blood pouring from my nose. khux au mom uses the dandelions and foretellers to summon primals. dande fervor = foreteller (minus luxu) primals ++ fear = darkness primal possessing ven
#kipspeak#coughs sniffs wipes blood off with a sock scrambles to posting website#come closer. do you want to know about primals#come here#primals — this is a final fantasy 14 thing — primals are basically gods or mythical creatures or tall tales that come to life and tr#try to fulfill their purpose which is usually Kill or Protect#all you need is a lot of aether (lux basically right) and a lot of belief and prayer#belief can be fear. belief can be fury. despair. prayer can be dear gods save me#It doesn’t matter. If you have the power for it and intense enough feeling or Enough Kinda-feeling. Like dandelions at war. like dandelions#in a dying world. like brothers and sisters in fear and fury#you can summon monsters. You can become a god#and you cannot be suffered to live#come back. HEY#‘What about ascians’ is mom an ascian. we don’t know this information. Maybe not#khux#ffxiv#If enough. Kids. Believe the foretellers are basically gods believe them to be mythical. Well then they are#And there’s nothing they can do about it
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Dresses that are nice but they're only made to fit you if you're 5'5 T____T
#tried on THE CUTEST dress in a medium but the waist was too high up and the skirt wasnt long enough#tried a large then and the waist was too big and the skirt STILL wasnt long enough!!#its the kind of style of dress that's supposed to cover like half your knees. and it didnt. blah#always the cutest dresses that are like long flowy and psychedelic that i like are like that#i did get a nice little green velvet victorian/swingin sixties jacket oh it was SUCH a success tho#i always have good luck with tops but dresses. ugh#i can only wear MINI dresses. bc a mini skirt is supposed to be short on you no matter what#medium-length dresses i have the worst luck with. im not even that tall im 5'7.#tales from diana#there's something weird about the black jeans from old navy#i bought two pairs of jeans at old navy in march of last year. the flare jeans are a size 4 and fit amazing#theyre like stretchy but not cheap and extremely comfy. theyre a typical denim blue#then i also got a straight-leg pair of black jeans. the black jean material is just not right anymore. it's extremely stiff#i know old navy mustve changed their sizes bc i have pants from them that are 5-10 years old (since i stopped growing)#and theyre all different sizes. like. i have old navy pants that are a snug 12 or a loose 4. but it was at least consistent at the time#i was trying on black flare jeans and i had to get an 8. i went in wearing THE SAME jeans i bought back in march#same CUT and everything. and even tho im tall the pants are still longer than what im used to#(im also used to my jeans being somewhat short on me) (so i dont mind it) (its more like they just cover the top of my foot)#the waist. bc i got two sizes up (old navy doesnt do odd number sizes for some reason). it like goes WAY up my waist#tho i dont mind that. im glad we're living in a high-waisted bootcut era. GRATEFUL#but still yeah.#the black jean fabric is just so stiff it's harder to squeeze yourself into even if it fits in the other color denim. u needa size up.#i went shopping w my friend (and kaily) (and our mom) (and then we went out to lunch after) bc i wanted to get her some pants#she's like 5'2 and all the pants were too long on her i felt bad. i bought her some sweaters and shoes#the sweaters were clearance only $6 i was like oh i have no problem getting those for u#still i felt bad bc they didnt have petite sizes in that store. like when she asked they were like 'no only if someone returns'#some other time we'll go to marshall's or tjmaxx >:F
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In the space of one heartbeat to another I loved you and I was lost to you. ( rouge & ace <3 )
stubby little fingers trace his mother's cheeks, across the expanse of freckles that speckle her skin. those very same freckles are on his own cheeks, growing darker and more vivid against his skin the longer he spends playing in the sun.
her words though not fully understood are enough to make him smile , enough to make him feel so completely loved and adored by @weatherwltch .
cuddling into her side as they bask in the warmth of the midday sun , grass poking through his shirt and prickling his skin, ace casts his gaze upwards to watch wispy clouds breeze by. he imagines they have shapes to them until they morph into all the shapes he wants to see ; sailboats, giant octopi, whales--- and he rambles all of this off.
" one day, mom, i'm gonna be a great pirate like you ! " meme.
#baby aceeee < 33#okay ik i said modern verse was my idea where#maybe rogue and ace live but#THIS WAS TOO CUTE AN OPPORTUNITY TO PASS UP#when i got the idea worm in my head#or he could also just think his mom is a pirate#yanno how parents tell kids tall tales to make them laugh lol#weatherwltch#inbox messages.#( queue. )#interactons: portgas d. ace.
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I would be curious to see what you found about Raven…hm how bout we swap notes?
just take what you find with a grain of salt. The best answers come from the people who know them, not summaries.
[REDACTED]
#[REDACTED] au poster#oh wait now that i google it i think i have read this before#i live in the PNW so i'm not surprised i've come across this before; i must've just forgotten the name#from what i recall (and wikipedia's help) it's about a raven who steals light for the rest of the world from these sky people(?)#the raven impregnated the sky chief's daughter through turning into a pine needle and getting swallowed (not quite sure that's how it works#but i guess this is a tall tale)#a baby was born that looked a lot like the raven. the raven then used the birth as a cover to steal the sun where he then threw it into the#sky for the people to have#does that sound about right?
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think something that goes over heads sometimes is how sam is constructed as a white liberal (educated, ocasionally snobbish, polite on the surface masking a highly judgemental attitude, respectable) and dean is like a backwater hick (old school racism/misogyny, didn't finish hs, working class, drinks instead of going to therapy). and their initial dynamic was a common talking point in usa circles of the early aughts, but it's important to note that that the white liberal is also fallible and prone to bigotry, it's just much quieter
like sam is the exact kind of shoegaze, emo, prone to emotional neglect (this last point is based entirely in how he treated amelia bc like dean broke up w benny and amelia came home to an empty room without a message) guy i went to undergrad at a small liberal arts college with, complete with an addiction plotline. he reads like an effeminate hippie, down to his long hair and his desire to eat healthy. i think it's why i'll see takes that he can't possibly be misogynistic or homophobic because he is queercoded and generally polite.
backwater hicks are loud and you can spot their bigotry a mile away but the white liberal? it like peeps out on occasion and surprises you. like in s2e15 tall tales when we get sam's pov:
dean we know is a sleazebag right? but here we see how sam views the women that dean likes. they're loose, disgusting, and dress like sluts. lol sam does not respect this woman bc she drinks too much and is willing to sleep with his brother.
and what i find more interesting is that this is supposed to be the progressive opinion to have. i mean this came out during the bush era so like if you weren't calling women fat whores you were practically aligned with judith butler.
or lines like this in s9e13:
to allude to lisa like this is insane to me lol, yes sam we know of your sexual prowess (i admit i think abt it often) but oh man this is out of pocket, callous, and like, shitty, lol she was a woman who was treated horribly not "someone bendy"
like im so sure sam took a gender studies class in undergrad but so have many misogynists in your life! dean's egregious behavior is easy to spot bc it's bigotry from 20 years prior, bigotry that we've been taught is wrong and is largely considered passe. and that's like on purpose, so that we can easily spot who's the "bad boy". sam's problematic behavior is largely a product of being written by racists and misogynists bc he isn't supposed to be sleazy one. bc he went to college.
#i am sensitive to this as a black person who lives in the northeast of the us#i am highly trained in how to find white people that are nice but also consider the nyt to b impartial journalism#this reads as samcrit but rlly isnt#but i cant take any more x cant be y because they are z coded!!!#also i hate tall tales#spn#it's just one of those days where i think abt how bigotry is like the basis of the show and i musnt let myself be driven mad for it
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Gravity Falls was strange, and the townsfolk even stranger, it seemed.
The twins had been unceremoniously dropped off on the side of the dusty road, the roar of the bus engine fading away as the driver wordlessly drove off without fanfare. The poor man had almost seemed close to tears ever since they had entered the thresholds of this seemingly innocuous town, all too eager to speed off and away while leaving the two children coughing and wheezing in its dust.
It had not even been a full minute since their lackluster drop-off before they became well acquainted with the oddly sociable and irritatingly chatty inhabitants of Gravity Falls. A single conversation with a pair of boisterous policemen already told them all they needed to know about the history of the town, as well as the whereabouts of their Great Uncle Ford.
"The Mystery Shack," the townsfolk had called it. It seemed as though their distant uncle had earned himself somewhat of a reputation amongst the locals. He was the town cryptid; the ever elusive mad scientist that lived in the outskirts of town in this so called "Mystery Shack". No one really knew who he really was; but everyone knew exactly who he was.
So, when the twins found themselves stood hand in hand in front of the rickety old shack, they hadn't really known what to expect when door had swung open with a deafening slam.
He was a strange man, their Great Uncle Ford. He seemed nothing like the cackling looney lab-coated madman they had imagined from what meager hushed information the townsfolk had offered them. It seemed as though the tales of a scientist gone mad that experimented on stray children that wandered into his spooky "Mystery Shack" was but a cruel rumor.
He mostly just seemed unhealthy, to be honest. His sickly, pale frame utterly drowned in the thick red woolen sweater that practically seemed to hang off of his lanky body like a second flap of skin. It made him look almost child-like, like a kid trying on their parents clothes; which somewhat diluted the intimidating effects of his looming height.
Although, the townsfolk's apparent fear of their Great Uncle Ford seemed to have some merit.
For one, Grunkle Ford really didn't seem all too human. He wasn't inhumane, per se; just, not entirely himself, if that made any sense. Looking at him was like looking at an incomplete puzzle; or looking at someone who you remember all your life wearing a hat, suddenly coming to work one day without one, and it takes a little too long for you to remember what is missing.
It was like Grunkle Ford had lost pieces of himself. Somewhere, to someone. His eyes seemed... almost empty. They were a little too dull and a little too opaque, lacking the lively shine of life everyone else seemed to have.
Another thing was that Grunkle Ford wasn't entirely alone. There was... someone else. The twins couldn't exactly pinpoint where, but they could feel its stare, whatever or whoever it was. They could almost feel its stare, a non-existent eye trailing a weird prickling sensation across their skin. The twins recalled the words of one of the townsfolk, a tall bestacled man with haunted blind eyes; although unseeing they could have sworn his gaze never seemed to leave them, as all he said was:
"Don't catch IT staring at you"
The twins had an odd feeling that IT was looking at them right now.
They didn't even notice when the pale bony hand of Grunkle Ford suddenly reached into their personal space, barely registering his words at all, much less the extra fingers that adorned each of his rough, worn palms.
They didn't take the hand.
If the twins had thought the outside of the shack looked decrepit, the inside seemed somehow even worse.
Every inch of exposed wall, ceiling or floor were utterly covered by sprawling symbols, summoning circles, and indecipherable words that seemed to be in an entirely different language than any the twins knew. They overlapped and tangled into one another into big, messy, red splotches of clustered nothings.
There were notes, diagrams on ripped pieces of aged looking paper scattered everywhere, with hardly any room for post-it notes squeezed wherever there was room. Lit and unlit candles were placed absolutely everywhere; either hidden in the dark corners or openly stood in the middle of the floor; sometimes in a circle, sometimes not. The melted fallen wax had coagulated into a hard white mess onto the floor; the smell of cheap vanilla scented candles intermingling with the smell of halloween fake blood (and Dipper was convince there had to be some real blood there, too) to create a sour concoction that stung their noses unpleasantly.
The shack was sparsely furnished with rarely any furniture at all. Not even a couch, the tables and chairs simply pushed to the walls to make more space for the endlessly swirling symbols and pentagrams. The twins were hesitant of stepping on any of the summoning circles, carefully sidestepping the candles and walking over the line of the pentagrams.
The attic, where they would be residing, was not much better.
Maybe they did end up in a mad scientist's house, after all.
#my art#my writing#my fic#i suppose?#oneshot#gravity falls#gravity falls au#HWINEBHABWNAJCAHOWEEATOWEUB AU#bill cipher#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#dipper pines#mabel pines#gravity falls fanfiction#tw scopophobia#tw staring#tw eerie#tw fake blood#tw cult#<- not really but just in case!!#tw demons#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford jumpscare!! :)
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Discovering Their Love Language
Summary — Preferences for the Straw Hats from One Piece!
Warnings & Other Tags ➳ Fluff because the Straw Hats make my heart race!
Notes ➳ Word Count is 596. ➳ Reader is gender neutral (they/them).
FAQ | Masterlist | Fandoms | Requests | Coming Soon | Schedule
monkey d. luffy
luffy is all touch. his hands are big and warm as he presses you into his side. with one on his hip, the other slips beneath your shirt and runs over your lower back. it’s subconscious, the way it splays over your skin, his fingers tracing up and down your spine. he doesn’t even notice the small smile on your face since he’s too busy talking to zoro and sanji. he’s especially soft when it’s late at night. he comes into his room to find you already half-sleep, tangled up in his sheets. he crawls in next you and finds himself tucking his dark curls beneath your chin. he traces your collarbone, muttering sweet nothings and occasionally tilting his head in order to plant open-mouthed kisses against your exposed neck. he nuzzles into you, sighing softly at the feeling of your warm skin against his. he can’t help wanting to be as close to you as possible.
nami
she wants nothing more than words of affirmation. after a life of being held captive by arlong’s crew without an ounce of love, she needs lots of reassurance that you care for her. she especially loves it when you wrap your arms around her from behind as the two of you overlook the bobbing waves. swaying from side to side, you mutter an endless stream of compliments, adorations, and praises. nami tightly grips your hands, which are resting upon her stomach, and closes her eyes in response, content to listen to your voice forever.
roronoa zoro
zoro is incredibly reserved, so he’s all about acts of service. he’ll bring you a plate when it’s time for dinner or make sure your laundry is folded and tucked away before you can worry about it. if it’s your turn to keep watch, he’ll take your place, forcing you to get a good night’s sleep instead. he thinks of nothing of it. each of these little tasks, along with the others he’s constantly doing for you, have merely become another part of his routine. if you decide to be with zoro for the long haul, expect to be taken care of.
usopp
he loves quality time. while the others are busy gathering supplies during a quick stop at a nearby harbor, you and usopp have a tendency to slip away. you’ll spend the day together, exploring every part of the new island. the two of you only return to the ship once night has fallen, narrowly avoiding a proper scolding from nami and zoro for always disappearing. usopp’s favorite moments with you, however, always happen the quiet privacy of your shared room. away from prying eyes, you’re both tucked beneath a blanket, sharing secrets and muffled laughs as you reminisce about your adventures.
vinsmoke sanji
sanji’s prides himself on being a giver. he may be a total flirt, but he’s truly a soft-hearted fool for you deep down. if you’re in a relationship with sanji, prepare to be spoiled. if you see a piece of clothing you like, it’s in your room later that night. he’s constantly bringing you the native flowers of whatever island the crew decided to visit. and don’t even get him started when it comes to your birthday! his favorite thing to give you, however, is food, being the talented chef that he is. after a while, you may gain a bit of weight from all the delicious meals he provides and there’s no hiding the smile that grows on his face whenever you tell him. after all, how could he not be happy about that? he has more of you to love!
#one piece live action#opla!luffy#opla!nami#opla!zoro#opla!usopp#challenge of getting through this without blushing is a fail#Luffy would totally be touch#100% canon that he is a cuddle fiend#the only moments when he's calm and not hyped up is when cuddling A++#Nami being words of affirmation is killing me#your characterization is 100%#my girl needs her praise and I am ready to give it to her#nami be my wife plz <3333#I need to be taken care of so where is my Zoro#Zoro keeping watch so Reader can sleep 🥺🥺#soft buff bf#my himbo king#Spending time with Usopp 😊#Talking about anything and everything with him while he's fixing up Merry#Just being there with him and walking around new island#and him telling you his tall tales when exploring <3#my main man sanji#he is totally a giver#Oh to by spoiled by Sanji#when will it be my turn!!!!#Sanji please I am here for you king#KC how are you so right about everyone of these
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category : 米哈游 原神 work title : another woman claims to be his girlfriend?
with a subtle bow of your head, you raise the teacup to your awaiting lips, a veil of porcelain disguising the laughter that threatened to escape. how absurd… you muse, as you savor a sip of your tea.
far across — two tables away, there sits one of the new acts of lyney and lynette’s show. she was interesting, to say the least. she sings tall tales with intricate detail, weaving major falsehoods about the nature of her relationship with him.
her words describe his love confession, demanding they be together because he couldn’t bear a day without her. she didn’t fail to mention how his sister adores her and refers to her as ‘my future sister-in-law.’
the outlandish narrative lasts with an overt nudge about his frequent visits to her dressing room after every show, which you tune out due to its unsavory implications.
most women would have risen from their seats, confronting her for spewing fantasies about their lover; not you, though. instead, you stay rooted in your place, your curiosity piqued for what else she might spin.
you were engrossed, and if you were to be fully honest, you would’ve readily admit to the guilty pleasure of eavesdropping on the mundane conversations of strangers. your penchant for gossip was shared with your lover, turning it into an unusual pastime. it was a fun exchange of information over cups of coffee or tea, normally ending with one of you left scandalized by what was said. archons, were you excited to tell him about what you overhead…
“do you swear not to say a word about this to another living soul?” her voice hushed to a near whisper, but it still carries to those within earshot.
“of course! right, ladies?” one of the women quips, with the other two chiming in agreement, creating a chorus of “yes!” and “we’ll keep quiet!”
“if you say so…” she takes a deep breath, as if the weight of her revelation was a heavy burden about to be lifted. “lyney and i are dating…” her shoulders then turn slack, exhibiting the instant wave of relief that washes over her.
you couldn’t help it; a snort of amusement passes your lips. it earned you a few disapproving glances from the nearby patrons, chastising your lack of propriety in a public setting.
she embarks on an exhausting tangent, yakking on the long months she had to weather before she could have confided in her dear friends about her supposed private affair.
she emphasized how lyney insisted on maintaining it under wraps for over a year — eh, wrong! the twins met her for the first time five months ago — out of his desire to protect her from the clutches of obsessed fans and admirers.
the longer she spoke, the closer her stories cross into more ridiculous territory. at one point, she spun a yarn about his grandiose profession of love for their anniversary, including dedicating an entire routine inspired by her.
however, what left you scratching your head was the lack of skepticism from her friends. a quick read of her body language would’ve shone a light at her deception. it had you questioning whether you had somehow gone mad or if they were genuinely as dim-witted as they seemed.
“i knew it! no wonder you’ve been smiling a lot lately!”
“ah, i’m so jealous~! sigh, he’s such a handsome man.”
“so romantic… i wish that was me!”
assessing the present circumstances, one might figure you would now reveal all of her lies. you didn’t. rather, you found yourself more inclined to watch and observe how this fiasco will play out.
you trust lyney, enough to know he loves you and wouldn’t pursue another woman behind your back, especially a woman he and his sister worked with. it allowed you to cast aside your initial worries about her and her interest in him. regardless of your opinion, she did her job well, even though you secretly wished she wasn’t so uncomfortably obsessed with him — a notion she made no effort to hide.
clearly, given what you were witnessing.
“oh, look, ladies! here he comes!” one of their voices pierces the air, overtly eager to see the ‘happy couple’ they were led to believe. conversely, lyney’s self-proclaimed lover appears to be positively distraught.
the man in question enters cafe lucerne, his gaze firmly laid on you. he shows little to no mind towards the group of women who shadow his every move. he walks by and greets you with a kiss on the cheek, taking the vacant chair in front of you.
“and how was your day, ma belle?” he removes his hat then runs his fingers through his hair — a simple gesture that left you swooning.
his charming demeanor momentarily distracts you from the comedic disaster unfolding in the background.
it was a tumultuous stir of “huh… who’s that?” and “gasp, is he cheating on you?” while the two of you converse in mindless chatter. one second, he was recounting his chores for the day; and the next, three indignant women loom over him whereas the source of this mayhem cowers in the back.
“ugh, the audacity to have a mistress and meet her in broad daylight! you have no shame!”
he glances from you to them, genuine bewilderment etched upon his face. “i beg your pardon?”
“oh, don’t play dumb! you know exactly what you’re doing!” another of the women upturns her nose at him.
witnessing the heated back-and-forth, it was remarkable to find that even arouet was invested in the drama.
it transforms into a three-versus-one impasse, but you were impressed by how gracefully he navigated through their baseless accusations. the culmination of the situation came when recognized his ‘lover’ and didn’t hesitate to call her by name, pressing answers for the lies she’d been spreading to her friends.
“i think you’ve all been misled, the only woman i’m seeing is this lovely one right here.” he turns then directs the gentlest of smiles at you.
unable to resist the itch, you finally laugh at the sudden turn of events. karma was indeed on the prowl, and to be a bystander for the incoming argument after she made a fool out of her friends, just to feed her delusion, was gratifying… for one of you, at least.
“care to tell me what just happened?” lyney tuts, his fingers extending across the table to grasp your hand in his, urging to draw your focus on him.
“later,” you mutter, absorbed by the evolving spectacle. it’s obvious you both will spend the whole evening discussing this…
from the very start, you weren’t one to rejoice in having any eyes on you. it was natural your bond with the one and only wanderer flourished discreetly.
this change in your life required no announcement. it wasn’t information that demanded broadcasting to the world; it could exist on its own if someone were to ask, you’d directly confirm the status of your relationship. otherwise, you find it irrelevant to insert this in areas where it held no relevance.
in the comfort of your solitude, you thrive, cocooned from nosy onlookers. your happiness, his happiness — these two were what truly mattered to you.
as time flowed by, your connection deepened, evolving into a union that grew stronger with each passing moment you shared. it was a sensation both of you held dear, a genuine and keen emotion that, if you dare to admit, could be called ‘love.’
of course, you weren’t ignorant to assume that your journey would be obstacle-free. beyond his undeniable intellect and esteemed role as the assistant and confidant of the dendro archon, he also began to draw attention for his otherworldly beauty.
you were aware that you might coming across his admirers one day. after all, you weren’t oblivious to the wistful glances sent his way by other women, nor the coy attempts at flirtation. still, you hadn’t taken into account the unusual lengths some individuals would go to win even a sliver of his time and attention.
it was painful to watch their efforts be met with a scoff or a withering frown. on a good day, they might receive nothing more than a mocking, “what do you want now?” from him.
on a sun-drenched afternoon, you find yourself perched on the steps leading to the sanctuary of surasthana whilst you await his return from his meeting with lesser lord kusanali.
yet, the tranquility of the sacred place was soon interrupted by an unexpected revelation — you weren’t alone. a trio of researchers positioned themselves near the entrance, their presence blends into the revered location, evoking no more notice than the everyday sights that surround you.
the sunlight dances upon your skin as you, absentmindedly, fiddle with your bracelet, a habit that had taken root over the years. the food container you had brought stays on your lap, and you can feel its warmth gradually dissipate. a frown on your face as you whisper a plea that he arrives before the snacks you prepared grew cold.
your gaze strays and locks onto one of the women standing nearby. suspicion dripped from her eyes, it lingers far longer than you liked. at first, you considered it a peculiar coincidence — perhaps she mistook you for someone else she knew?
unable to contain her curiosity, she approaches you with an air of authority, disregarding her friends’ endeavors to stop her from creating a scene.
“state your business,” she dictates, her tone icy.
you stand unwavering, refusing to yield an inch in the face of her bid to intimidate you. “if you must know, i’m here for wanderer.”
your words invoke a profound reaction within her, it coursed through her like an attack. “well, save your breath and don’t waste your time bothering him.”
“why not? who even are you to tell me what i should do and shouldn’t do?” your cadence steady and colder than hers, a testament to the time you spent with your dear wanderer — it seems to be paying off.
you expected her to either insult you or begin a monologue about her superiority as a researcher, but her reply took you by surprise.
“i’m his lover, duh! i don’t appreciate you flirting with him.” then, in a single motion, she confiscates the container from your grasp.
glances were exchanged amongst her peers, who advance to mediate the interaction. one of them pulls her away and positions himself between you. “i’m sorry for her behavior, miss. her sleep deprivation has her spouting nonsense.”
“i am not! there are clear signs he feels the same way. we’re dating; he’s just very reserved about his emotions.”
before it can escalate further, a familiar voice slices through the tension like a blade. “where have you been?” he chides, as he descends the steps.
beneath his hat, you spy the glaring discontent he directs at these strangers for taking your time away from him.
when your eyes locks, his gaze softens. the sour expression dissolves and was replaced by a flicker of warmth. you offer a reassuring smile in his direction, a gesture that noticeably eases his mind.
he was a stride away from you when she, flaunting a smirk, stops in front of him. you lay a hand over your lips to quash your laughter after spotting the look of disgust he tosses at her.
“wanderer, honey!” she tries to touch his arm but fails when he sidesteps her. “don’t worry, i already handled this pest to lessen the burden for y—”
“who are you?” he sneers, and the haughty look on her face instantly disappears. she attempts to stutter a response, an effort to remind her title as his lover, but his menacing gaze he wore silences her.
“moreso, who are you to advise my wife what to do?”
eh? his wife?
“your wife?!” her friends turn pale, realization dawning upon them. they shiver at the thought of unintentionally crossing him, all thanks to her behavior.
“i-i just thought…”
“well, you thought wrong; know your place.” in a last display of irritation, he shoots them a cutting glare. then, he seizes the food container from her grip, his fingers then intertwine with yours as he guides you away from them.
as you walk away hand-in-hand, you cast a quick glance at her and stick your tongue out to mock her.
“i saw that,” he snickers and tugs you along, nearly causing you to stumble, “and you say i’m mean.”
“don’t get all smart, you called me your wife earlier.”
“shut up! it was meant to end the conversation early.”
#kunikuzushi x reader#scaramouche x reader#wanderer x reader#lyney x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader
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I’ve just had a vision, what if a yan (e.g riddle or vil because they are most princess-ish) was a trapped in a castle away like in one of those stereotypical fairy tales and the reader decides to save them because they are a ‘damsel in distress’ and reader is like a hero… only to realise there is a reason why they were locked away (because they were batshit crazy)
Warning: Yandere. Gender-neutral reader.
Characters: Vil Schoenheit.
Summary: You are a thief with freshly stolen goods. Chased and hunted down, you avoid capture by finding a castle hidden in gloom and fog. Locals told legends of this place, saying a royal had been trapped within. Of course, you don't quite believe such tall tales. That is, until you discover the royal and learned that they were purposefully sealed inside...
Note: I think I'll call this one, not your valiant savior. It's just a placeholder name for now. Just a quick post, so sorry if it's bad.
It was too easy. What did they expect when they left out a priceless object owned by the royal family and estimated to be worth a fortune? Of course a famed thief on the loose such as yourself, would just be itching to snatch the relic. And snatch you did, living up to your reputation of thief. Each member having unique abilities to assist in stealing. Your mother had speed to outrun anyone in a chase, your grandfather had the talent of picking any locks, your great-grandmother could sweet-talk anyone then rob them blind. And so on and so forth.
And of course, you had your own talent. As quiet as a mouse and with fingers that stuck to valuables like glue, stealing became like second nature. Literally. However, it wasn't exactly a talent valued by the wider community, and if you stole enough you could end up on terribly drawn wanted posters. Which is why staying in one place wasn't wise.
From place to place, you went taking and claiming anything of worth. When you got very low on cash, you set your sights high: on the vault that stored the royal's priceless treasures. There was bound to be endless riches stored within, if only you could get your grubby hands on them. Well, after careful planning, you had. It wasn't a giant gem or sack full of gold.
Time was short, so you had grabbed the closest thing you could before guards could find you. A golden box encrusted with jewels. Who knew what was inside? Maybe some family heirloom, a magical artifact, or something else of high value. And with the box, you bolted, and the chase had begun out of the city and through the woods.
As fast as you could, you ran through the mystic woods, a forrest travelers and locals alike were all wary of. It was the safest place you could go when chased by frightening palace guards on horseback that would do anything to take back what you stole and drag you back to the gallows. Even the woods heavy with fog and dark from the clouds overhead, had deterred your pursuers enough for you to slip out of their reach and deeper into the forrest where there was no way they would be able to track you. Here, you would have to wait until tomorrow and depart early. Then, you'd be home free and rich beyond your wildest dreams.
After what felt like hours of walking, you stumbled upon a bridge over a gloomy lake. In the middle, sat an old castle of gray stone and dark windows. A castle once said to hold a royal captive, but of course, you didn't believe such stories that were so old they were told to your own grandparents. This castle would be your sanctuary for the night. And maybe, just maybe, you'd clutch the jeweled box and dream of simpler times when you were told fairytales of locked away royals waiting for a savior.
The castle was exactly like those set in spooky tales, haunted by vengeful spirits and claimed by ghosts. It appeared abandoned, that much was obvious by the crumbling stone bridge and the battered old wooden doors that once protected the inhabitants.
Cautiously stepping over the splintered debris of the front door, you didn’t bother boarding it up since no one would be stupid enough to follow you inside.
There was wreckage and ruin everywhere. If you had to guess, whatever happened here, whether the people were driven away by conflict or time, it was followed by the destruction of time. Time with weather were likely all factors that led to the disarray of what was probably once a grand estate. Strangely enough, there was furniture and decor. Everything coated in dust and grime, but still here. Had people been too afraid to enter the grounds? There were so many valuables that could've been looted!
"I'll definitely have to come back here later." You scoff, turning over a few clothes or broken furniture with your foot to uncover possible hidden goodies. Maybe something as small but valuable as a ring was lost somewhere on the ground.
Proceeding to carry the golden box under your arm, you decide to search for the cleaniest, not-so-moldy room where you could spend the night. On the third floor halls, you see ripped curtains and frames where portraits loosely hung. Every rug was brown with dirt and dust.
There were items left behind, which showcased the life one led here. A piano too big to steal, the skeleton of a chandelier and broken gems hanging from its limbs, empty glass perfume bottles now filled with dust. The place must've been wondrous once, but now it was like a tomb. A setting frozen in time.
When you found moonlight filtering through the open balcony of what looked to be the master bedroom, you paused to see the space wrecked more than the others. As if more than just weather and time had affected this place. The owner of this castle likely slept in this very room, on that very bed where the sheets were ruffled and unkempt.
"I wonder who used to live here..." You murmur to no one in particular, as you approach the balcony looking over the bridge and woods. This would be a good vantage point.
A heavy fog settled over the woods, extending over the bridge like water. Good, an extra layer for cover. You stepped back into the room, analyzing every carved piece of wooden furniture, makeup and brushes stored on tabletops, a separate room as long as a hallway and filled with all types of articles of clothing.
If all this was still here, then was it possible some jewelry was left behind? You scoured the room, looking for hidden compartments while murmuring to yourself to fill the ominous silence. As you pulled back a curtain against a wall, you furrowed your eyebrows when you saw an uneven lump underneath the wallpaper.
Could this be handle leading to a vault of treasures? With that in mind, you ripped off the old wallpaper. A glimmer of gold made your heart soar with hope, but when you caught sight of your reflection, you stopped and stared. A mirror. It was a large mirror, oval shaped, with golden borders so intricately decorated. However, when a hand suddenly appeared on the other side of the mirror, like a ghostly apparition, you screamed and stumbled back.
A hand– there was a hand in the mirror! You stared with widened eyes full of shock, as the hand pressed its palm against the surface of the glass. You couldn't see anything else, no one behind the hand. After a second, the slim pale hand delicately pointed a long dainty finger at the box you were holding in a vice grip.
"What...? This? You want this? But..."
You had worked hard to procure this golden box from the royals. Pursing your lips, you contemplated your options, with so many questions running rampant in your mind. What was that thing? A magic mirror? A magic mirror would be priceless, much more valuable than any gold. However, if it was magic, it would be tricky. Possibly even sentient. So you'd have to gain its favor.
"Alright, alright, the box. You know, I went through hell trying to get this."
You informed the mirror, unsure if it even understood you. You carefully set down the heavy box in front of the mirror, and watch as the hand made a motion with its fingers.
Click!
It had unlocked the box, without even a key or tool. A grin broke out on your face. Had it done it for you? Apparently not, because the box opened on its own and a heavy thick tome floated out from it and into the air. The hand beckoned the tome closer, and closer it came, until it was literally phasing through the glass.
"Hey! Wait––"
The glass shattered, the sound booming and ringing out in the silence like an explosion. You only had a second to react, instinctually using your arms to shield your face from the glass flying out in every direction. When it stopped, you looked around. The mattress was shredded, the curtains torn to shreds, wooden furniture cut as if done by an axe, but miraculously you were somehow unharmed.
A breath, not of your own, caught your attention. Your eyes darted over to the now broken mirror, awestruck at the vision of a figure stepping over broken glass. They were beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, more than any words could convey. Their hair like gold and eyes an alluring shade of purple like two amethyst stones, soft pink lips, and a tall slim pale figure clothed in odd robes. For a moment, whoever this person was, appeared disoriented for a brief moment, but they clutched the tome like a lifeline. The tome that came from the box you had stolen.
"Thank you––"
He breathed, his voice quiet as he attempted to stand tall and upright. When his legs nearly gave out beneath him, you were there to catch his hand and prevent him from falling as he looked at you with appreciation. You were just stunned, bewildered, in pure disbelief.
"You... You freed me. You returned my stolen tome...!"
He exclaimed in disbelief, as he restored his posture. Somehow, he was able to stand in heels, but heels were currently one of the least important details.
What did he mean freed?
There was no time to ask any questions. The loud sound of the shattering must've alerted any of your pursuers that had followed you thus far, because from the balcony you could make out the torchlights weaving their way directly towards the bridge.
The mysterious man from the mirror took notice of your expression of dismay as he glanced at the distant torchlights. Smoothing out his robes, he looked back at you and took in your expression. "Enemies of yours?"
"Yes..." You nod slowly.
"Now that just won't do. I can't have anyone harming, or even killing my savior. I've yet to even learn your name." Tapping some well-manicured fingers against the spine of the tome, he appeared to contemplate something. When he stopped tapping his fingers, he smiled so sweetly. "I am Vil Schoenheit, prince and prodigy. Here's my proposition to you, my savior: I will destroy your enemies for a small price. You must tell me your name, and I will grant you my protection."
Of course you gave him your name, and almost immediately you saw the fog below turn an odd color. The torchlights flickered out, you no longer heard their encouraged shouts to move forward but instead their screams echoing in the dark woods. All after Vil murmured a few words in a foreign tongue read from his tome, as he continued to gaze at your intently. What exactly was he to cause so much death in a single instant with hardly any effort...? And you were stuck in this abandoned castle with him.
The prince had no plans to abandon you, he's made that much clear when you attempted to casually part ways after thanking him for getting rid of your pursuers. Stay. I can make it worth your while. Once I reach my former glory, you'll be able to bask in it with me. Is what he said as you swore you heard the front of the castle be sealed shut.
The entire time he looked around the castle with disdain, cross as he complained about the state of his home. While helping him clean up some rooms, he told you more about himself. Vil was a prince who once lived in this castle, set to inherent the throne shortly after the death of his father. However, he was widely feared due to being a prodigy in dark magics and genius at brewing concoctions. For attempting to steal the life of a younger kinder foreign prince who specialized in good magic, he was trapped in a mirror with his tome being the only key to grant him freedom.
Vil actually appeared to be much too fond of you, which you attributed to his isolation. If you were imprisoned all alone in a mirror for centuries, you likely would've gone insane. It was a miracle Vil's mind was intact, but maybe he wasn't there entirely. Because what sane person killed people with the snap of their fingers while smiling so kindly at the one who set him free?
Pridefully he listed off his feats and accomplishments. Living prodigy. Most beautiful man in the land. Prince of the land. It felt too much like flaunting, as he wanted you to realize how truly great he was. He replaced your clothes with his own, and while combing your hair he reminded you that what's rightfully his will be returned to him one day, and you would be there beside him that day.
The crown was what he wanted, a crown he believed was stolen from him and passed down to the descendants of the very good prince he attempted to kill. He spoke of a future in the castle restored to its former glory, where citizens would be loyal to him once again, and those that wronged him will receive a fate worse than death. Positions were open for applying once he became king, he told you one day. He was still searching for a vassal, a knight, a jester, or a partner to wear a crown as well.
Was it the isolation that had driven him to become so attached to the one who set him free? It was possible, but you couldn't even be sure. For all you knew, he could've been like this before he became trapped in the mirror. What mattered now was that he did not make any effort to hide his attraction towards you. Vil was offering a thief all the riches he would attain after his plan for vengeance, and his heart in a golden box.
"Keep the knives I gifted you, although I doubt you'll have to resort to lifting a finger. Just allow me to handle it when the time comes. I want to extract vengeance slowly and painfully, make them hurt just as they did to me... And at the end of the day, you will be there, you little thief who stole my affections, to comfort me and drive away those memories of cold lonely centuries in darkness. You'll be there for me, won't you, my valiant savior?"
#twst#twisted wonderland#yandere twisted wonderland x reader#yandere twst#yandere twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#vil schoenheit#twst vil#yandere vil schoenheit#not your valiant savior
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Prepare for the unexpected. (DPxDC)
Everyone knew about the reign of Pariah Dark. Even those who did not dabble in those realms have heard the tale of the tyrant. A power-hungry man who ruled over the dead with an iron fist.
Following the rise of Pariah Dark, his realm had been effectively cut off from communication. Many mystics and magic users knew better than to open the door of nightmares that could arise if Pariah Dark's reach went further than his own realm.
Except, the universe had plans to bring the realm of the dead back into the cards.
A new opponent, one that had all of Earth's heroes scrambling for options. A being with powers of a god over weather, destruction was on the horizon. A world ending threat.
It's the only reason the Justice League was doing this. In a deep bunker, far from close civilization as a precaution, the heroes looked on with grim expressions.
The world was already being threatened. It would be destroyed regardless of what the league did. So it only made sense to make the last ditch effort. To summon someone strong enough to defeat the threat.
No one wanted to do it. No one wanted to be the one to pull the realm of the dead back to the living. The consequences were untold if this succeeded. If Pariah Dark was freed and defeated the threat, whose to say he won't want control?
That was a problem for later. For the aftermath. For now, the league could only watch on with bated breath as Constantine completely the summon ritual.
They watched on as the shadows in the room seemed to darken and grow. As the sigil sputtered to life with a glow that was growing increasingly brighter. A sudden gust of wind rushed through the room, the temperature began to drop with eaching ticking second.
And then it was all gone.
The room stood perfectly still. Just as it had been moments before. Nothing changed. No giant king standing before them, no sign that the ritual worked.
The room stood deadly still for another beat before the murmurs started. The team trying to make sense of the situation, figure out what went wrong.
Constantine swore up and down that this was the correct ritual, taking offense that they would even think the problem was on his end. It only made it better when it finally happened.
A loud sound ripped through the room, pulling everyone's attention back to the summoning circle. Just in time to see a tear appear in the space above the circle.
A thin tear that ran the length of eight feet. The fabric of the dimension seems to curl at the edges, pulling back to reveal a deep glowing swirl of greens. A dark gloved hand reached through, fingers curling around the edge of the tear, stretching it even further.
A portal. The ritual had worked, but there had been a delay. A delay that had every hero nerves on edge. Each team member tensed, weapons at the ready as they watched the being stretch the portal to the right size.
Then, a foot stepped out with a heavy thud. A dark boot that looked otherworldly despite its similarity to mortal clothing. A deep black that seemed never-ending. A second foot quickly followed before a full body emerged from the portal.
Not many people in the room have ever seen Pariah Dark, let alone know what to expect. Based on what Constantine and Zatara had said, this wasn't Pariah Dark.
A man had stepped out of the portal, standing at almost seven feet tall, and built like a brick house. One glance at the glowing white hair, deadly red eyes, and shard teeth was enough to know this being was not to be messed with.
But there was no giant show of armor or royal garbs. There is no large crown at the top of his head or jewelry from the infinite realms laced around his neck.
Instead, the man stood before them in combat boots, worn-in ripped jeans, a graphic t-shirt, and a spiked leather jacket. Despite his almost normal clothing choice, the man's jacket seemed to be a never-ending depth of the dark night sky. If one was to look closely enough, the cosmos could almost be made out in the sea of darkness.
None of that would have prepared them for when the man spoke. His tone sounded more bored than anything as he took a step forward.
"Oh, so now you need the help of the dead." The man had spoken, running a hand through his hair. When Batman took a step forward to speak, the man raised a hand. Immediately commanding silence in the single gesture. "I'm on babysitting duty and have yet to have a cup of coffee. I'll be right back."
Just like that, both the man and portal vanished into thin air. Leaving behind a group of stunned heroes. Not only was the man not Pariah Dark, but he was also supposedly babysitting.
"Did that just-"
The Flash had been the first voice to speak up, his eyes trained on where the man had once stood. Except he had barely made it through the first few words before the man was suddenly back.
The man that now had a child hanging off his shoulders and another teen being held up by his scruff. Unlike the man, these kids looked human.
Too human for Bruce's liking. The dark black hair and bright blue eyes had every heroes eyes flickering to Batman for just the briefest moment.
"This isn't fair! I'm not even the king. Why do I have to be here!" The teenager had been complaining the moment the man had reappeared. Arms crossed tight over his chest and seemingly used to being held dangling. "Besides, who brings kids to a show down! Wait til I tell mom about this."
"Aw, come on, Danny. This is gonna be fun!!" The younger girl seemed in much better spirits than the teen, Danny. She had climbed up the large man, sitting on his shoulders and resting her arms on the mess of glowing hair. "It's like take your kids to work day! Ooo, Dan! Can we fight too!?"
Unlike the two kids, the man looked purely exhausted and annoyed. The man, Dan, dropped Danny like a sack of potatoes as he took a long drink from the travel cup in his hand.
It didn't take a genius to recognize the look of an exhausted parent in Dan's expression. A look many of the league members were well acquainted to. A look that even had Batman grimacing with sympathy.
"Can it, little shits. You two were grounded, remember." Dan had growled at the kids before shifting his focus back on the team of heroes before them. His glowing eyes set in a deadly glare. "Pariah Dark isn't coming, and he never will. He's been dethroned and banished. We're the best you've got."
A summoning that started with a group of on edge and scared heroes looking for the ghost king, ended in a way no one expected.
No one was even sure if it made any sense. They weren't sure if they should feel hopeful or in despair.
Because truly, what was a ghostly man with two seemingly human children against a godlike foe with the control over the weather?
The unspoken question of power and ability seemed to vanish following Dan downing the metal travel cup of coffee, and crushing it in his fist.
He tossed it to the side, straighting up his posture as he looked over the heroes. Dan might not be a hero, but he's been playing family for too long.
An almost feral, bloodhungry grin spread across the man's face, sharp fangs on full display. The look made the man suddenly look even less human. He looked closer to a demon from the pits of hell rather than the exhausted parent he looked just a few seconds ago.
"Point me in the direction of this bastard. It's been too long since I let loose and had some fun."
#danny phantom#danny fenton#phandom#dc x dp#batman#dcxdp#dp x dc#dp x dc au#dp x dc crossover#justice league#I've been toying with the idea of following Pariah Dark's end the zone abolished the idea of a one true king#instead setting up a counsel of the most trusted ghosts and deities with in the zone; including Pandora and Clockwork#I also like to vote for Technus to be on the counsel and Ghostwriter to be like the secretary/note taker#after Ghostwriter stopped being an asshole ofc ofc#I kinda have this list of specific details I've created for this idea and like I keep thinking up new ones#like the Phamily's backstory is somewhat canon complaint with the show but also a whole mess of complex shit#like the expanse of Danny turning into phantom and the events that occurred still did except technically they never did#it's clockwork's time mumbo jumbo type of shit#Ellie had to be deaged some to help stabilize her core so I'm roughly saying she's like 7-8 years old#but idk children so idk how a 7-8 year old actually looks or how they usually act or talk#The JL seriously don't know if they should be hopeful or not but Dan's grin and excitement makes it seem more promising#I like to imagine Bruce is just watching Dan with Ellie and Danny trying to figure out if he's actually a good father or not#people being surprised to find out that Ellie Danny and Dan are all technically orphaned siblings#while Dan is just trying to coparent his siblings with the help of a time god an earth goddess a princess and a dirtbag with a motorcycle#dan phantom#ellie phantom#I can go on and on so I'll force myself to stop now#long post
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And thereupon the middle door of the Black Gate was thrown open with a great clang, and out of it there came an embassy from the Dark Tower.
At its head there rode a tall and evil shape, mounted upon a black horse, if horse it was; for it was huge and hideous..., and in the sockets of its eyes and in its nostrils there burned a flame. The rider was robed all in black, and black was his lofty helm; yet this was no Ringwraith but a living man. The Lieutenant of the Tower of Barad-dûr he was, and his name is remembered in no tale; for he himself had forgotten it, and he said: 'I am the Mouth of Sauron.' But it is told that he was a renegade, who came of the race of those that are named the Black Númenóreans.... And he entered the service of the Dark Tower when it first rose again, and because of his cunning he grew ever higher in the Lord's favour; and he learned great sorcery, and knew much of the mind of Sauron; and he was more cruel than any orc.
ARAGORN II & The Mouth of Sauron RETURN OF THE KING — 2003
#the lord of the rings#lotr#lotredit#tolkienedit#tolkiensource#filmedit#aragorn#mouth of sauron#dailyflicks#2605#userzil#useraurore#tusereliza#userhella#usermali#usermal#usersansa#usereme#userpayton#userhaleths#userrlaura#usersavana#userelio#userbecca#userleah#userfrodosam#tuserhan#southfarthing
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hi Mae I have a lil fic request if u like the idea! I would love to see something with reader and Remus where may be she is James neighbor and friendly with James and she sees Remus all the time coming and going and she finally works up the courage to ask James and be like what's ur friend's name? And he's like who? And she's all blushing like ya know the super pretty one that's really tall and last week he was reading x book! I actually love that book! And James realizes she's into him and plays wingman
Thank you for your request lovely!
cw: kind of shy!reader coded
Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 809 words
You answer the door, and it’s the boy from next door.
Well, not the boy from next door. There are a few always passing in and out, and only one that you know of who actually lives there. But this is James’ friend, the one with the scars and the soft eyes. The one with the name from a fairy tale.
“Hi,” he says, “I’m Remus.”
“Hi.” You’re spellbound for a moment before you remember to tell him your name in turn, but he doesn’t appear to notice. “What can I do for you?”
“My friend, he lives next door…”
“James?”
His lips tilt. “That’s the one. He’s sent me to see if you have an egg we could borrow. Or, erm, take. I’m sure James will give you an egg in exchange once he gets some more, though.”
Laughter bubbles easily to the surface, your stomach fizzy with nerves. This is surely a scheme. James could have come and collected his egg himself, but instead he’s sent the friend you asked him about only two days prior. You aren’t sure whether to be grateful or angry with him; it may depend on how this goes.
“That’s okay, I can stand to give up an egg.” You go into your kitchen to fetch it. Remus follows partway, stopping at your bar counter. “Do you need something to keep it in?”
“No, that’s alright. Have you read this?”
You turn to find him looking at a worn out paperback, fingers skimming gently over the fold of pages. You blink. You hadn’t left that there.
“Yeah,” you say. “It’s one of my favorites.”
Remus looks up with interest. “Is it really? I’ve just finished it.”
You clamp your lips together so I know can’t escape. You’d seen Remus carrying the book into James’ place when you’d been getting your mail. You’d gotten your mail twice that day just to have an excuse to talk to James about him.
In fact, when James had come over last night—oddly, to borrow an egg then, too—you could have sworn the book was on your coffee table. And now it’s relocated to the kitchen counter.
Maybe James Potter is more conniving than you’ve given him credit for.
You pass Remus the egg. “What did you think of it?”
Remus’ eyes flit up to yours, and it’s a concentrated effort to keep your knees solid underneath you. He cradles the egg carefully in his hand. “I thought it was really good,” he says. “I liked how each subplot was given its due importance.”
“I really love that about it, too.”
“Do you have a favorite part?”
You duck your head, face warming. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Oh, come on.” You can hear the smile in Remus’ voice. “We read the same book. How embarrassing can it be?”
“I’m a romantic.” You shrug. “I liked the kiss scene best.”
When you peek up, Remus is indeed smiling, brown eyes warm. “That’s not embarrassing,” he says. “That’s sweet. It was a good scene.”
His gaze moves between you and the book, and you see a thoughtfulness come over his expression. Remus doesn’t strike you as the oblivious sort. He’s likely pieced together why exactly his friend sent him over here.
But he doesn’t look upset. No, whatever’s going on with his face is a lot more pinkish and complicated.
“Well,” he says after a moment, “thank you for the egg.” He offers you a small smile, moving towards the door. “I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of each other. James’ kitchen is never adequately stocked.”
You grin. “I’ve gathered that.”
Remus’ smile widens slightly, and then he’s slipping out your door, starting back for James’ place. You very carefully do not look out the window to watch him, but unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be) the doors in your building are thin enough that you hear everything that goes on in the hallways whether you’d like to or not.
“Remus!” James exclaims, by the sound of it keeping his friend from re-entering his apartment. “What are you doing back so soon?”
“You sent me to get an egg,” Remus replies drily. “It doesn’t take long.”
“Right, but—I actually forgot. I need flour, too.”
“What the hell do you need flour for? I thought you were making an omelet.”
“Plans change, Moony. Go on, then.”
“You’re going to eat this poor girl out of house and home.”
A laugh. “I think she’s alright with it.”
Your face burns.
“We don’t know if she has flour for you to borrow. How much do you even need?”
“I dunno—um, two cups. Or something like that. And if she doesn’t have it, the two of you can go to the grocery!”
“James.”
“Just get back over there.” James’ voice rises, as though calling down the hall. “And talk to her about books!”
#remus lupin#neighbor!james potter#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x fem!reader#remus lupin x shy!reader#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin x self insert#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin fanfic#remus lupin fic#remus lupin fluff#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin scenario#remus lupin drabble#remus lupin blurb#remus lupin one shot#remus lupin oneshot#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#the marauders#hp marauders#marauders era#marauders x reader
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I feel like I've had the same experience several times now: someone does a new translation of a non-English literary classic, and all the critics praise it to the moon, so I go and try to read it, and it's turns out it's just . . . bad? Like, really bad? And weirdly bad?
A while back, I wrote about the case of Pevear and Volokhonsky. Here's another example, which I encountered while doing background research for my novel Almost Nowhere.
----
One of my novel's major characters is a literary translator, famous for his rendition of the Persian epic poem Shahnameh ("Book of Kings").
To help me write this character, I tried to read the Shahnameh myself. I started out – where else? – with the translation that seemed to be the gold standard, and which was certainly the most critically lauded.
Namely, the 2006 translation by Dick Davis, in prose with occasional shifts into verse.
Here's how the Shahnameh begins, in Davis' translation:
What does the Persian poet say about the first man to seek the crown of world sovereignty? No one has any knowledge of those first days, unless he has heard tales passed down from father to son. This is what those tales tell: The first man to be king, and to establish the ceremonies associated with the crown and throne, was Kayumars. When he became lord of the world, he lived first in the mountains, where he established his throne, and he and his people dressed in leopard skins. It was he who first taught men about the preparation of food and clothing, which were new in the world at that time. Seated on his throne, as splendid as the sun, he reigned for thirty years. He was like a tall cypress tree topped by the full moon, and the royal farr shone from him. All the animals of the world, wild and tame alike, reverently paid homage to him, bowing down before his throne, and their obedience increased his glory and good fortune.
And here is the same opening, in the 1905 translation by Arthur and Edmond Warner (which I only discovered much later in the process of writing Almost Nowhere):
What saith the rustic bard? Who first designed To gain the crown of power among mankind? Who placed the diadem upon his brow? The record of those days hath perished now Unless one, having borne in memory Tales told by sire to son, declare to thee Who was the first to use the royal style And stood the head of all the mighty file. He who compiled the ancient legendary, And tales of paladins, saith Gaiúmart Invented crown and throne, and was a Sháh. This order, Grace, and lustre came to earth When Sol was dominant in Aries And shone so brightly that the world grew young. Its lord was Gaiúmart, who dwelt at first Upon a mountain; thence his throne and fortune Rose. He and all his troop wore leopard-skins, And under him the arts of life began, For food and dress were in their infancy. He reigned o'er all the earth for thirty years, In goodness like a sun upon the throne, And as a full moon o'er a lofty cypress So shone he from the seat of king of kings. The cattle and the divers beasts of prey Grew tame before him; men stood not erect Before his throne but bent, as though in prayer, Awed by the splendour of his high estate, And thence received their Faith.
Now, I can't speak at all about the source text. I have no idea how faithful or unfaithful these two translations are, and in what ways, in which places.
Still, though. I mean like, come on.
This is an epic poem about ancient kings and larger-than-life heroes.
This is a national epic, half myth and half history, narrating the proud folkloric lineage claimed by a real-world empire.
There is a way that such things are supposed to sound, in English. And it sure as hell isn't this:
What does the Persian poet say about the first man to seek the crown of world sovereignty?
Excuse me? That's your opening line? I thought I was reading a poem, here, not taking a fucking AP World Literature exam!
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Postscript
Some of the critical praise for the Davis translation, quoted on the back cover of my copy (emphasis mine):
"A poet himself, Davis brings to his translation a nuanced awareness of Ferdowsi's subtle rhythms and cadences. His "Shahnameh" is rendered in an exquisite blend of poetry and prose, with none of the antiquated flourishes that so often mar translations of epic poetry." (Reza Aslan, The New York Times Book Review) "Thanks to Davis's magnificent translation, Ferdowsi and the Shahnameh live again in English.” (Michael Dirda, Washington Post) "A magnificent accomplishment . . . [Davis’s translation] is not only the fullest representation of Ferdowsi’s masterpiece in English but the best." (The New York Sun)
#almost nowhere#fyi: the warner and warner translation is out of print now but archive.org has the whole 9-volume thing#hmm i wonder which version of the cypress/moon image is more faithful...#(in davis he's the tree. in warner&warner he's the moon. these are not the same metaphor!)
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