#TWITTER STOP HURTING ME LIKE THIS
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Just saw someone on twitter made an edit of Dawnbreaker with Lizzy McAlpine’s Ceiling and I…I think i should stop going on twitter to look for Zayne stuff
#love and deepspace#zayne#love and deepspace zayne#zayne love and deepspace#that part of the song when she said ‘but it’s not real and you don��t exist’…ooof that hurts alot#TWITTER STOP HURTING ME LIKE THIS#also yes i’m still calling it twitter i refuse to call it ‘
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seriously though ... how on earth do i get my motivation/focus back???????
its been so long that i have been struggeling with art and i just .... i want to stop wasting time, day after day i just sit around and mindlessly play stardew valley (wasted 800 hours into the darn game, its a good game but thats way too many hours!!!)
i was listening to the arcane songs bc some of the new ones were rly good but now after the disappointing finale i cant do that, and neither have the show in the background, the hurt is too fresh and im bitter, i cant find anything to put on for the background noise
i keep thinking about all the things i could achieve if i could just ... if i could just DO it, but no i sit around feeling like im about to cry and nothing seems appealing/fun, its not quite that strong depression ... but it feels alot like it, time moves so fast and years go by and i get nothing done
i dont know what to do .. or what to try anymore, im so tired of everything and just want to be able to do something
#ganondoodles talks#personal#sorry i know its annoying to just see these kinds of posts over and over#on top of feeling the pressure to post literally anything bc the loss of twitter still hurts deeply#im so goddamn tired of being constantly on the edge of the worst versions of depression#i just want it to stop#but i cant GET IT TO STOP#and once again i lock at the time and its past 9pm and all i have done is fucking nothing NOTHING again#i want out of this so badly ... but i guess not enough since i cant get myself out of it#its so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!#its times like these that i just wish i was “normal”#go away garbage useless brain of not letting me do anything but feeling shitty 24 hours a day
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pre-holiday leave crumbs
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it#anyways. tomorrow I Travel#The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed#three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying)#goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn#anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours#until I gotta get up for car time#kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct#20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it#I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it#oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop#in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here#hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them)#also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl'#it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that#literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however#anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo#have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again#eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day
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me pushing myself further with my art drawing really cool perspectives and whatever with the Duo and then i turn around and make lame cutesy ship art waaahhah 😭😭😭
dont read the tags on this if you havent watched gbc i just ramble spoilers 😭 just uhh screaming yknow. mostly mmnn but i like the other characters i swear its just these guys are making me insane
#UGGGGGGGHhhH the duo ever rn…#theyre jsut. so important to each other#supporting each other in their honest expression#FLIP OFF THE WORLD#and i mentioned once on twitter about how real mmk’s fear was#music is everything to her… so for those songs she wrote of her own expression to not be accepted or seen as successful..#yeah that Hurts#i totally get the feeling of wanting to quit… bc why would you want to be hurt that way…#OUUGGGH music (art in general) being able to leave a mark on people…! it can change people…! dont stop making art…!!!!!#but then there’s the side of me that sees all those moments and be like Hell yeah thats some romantic shit… wooo codependency yuri…#going into romantic ship mode#ouggggh but theres also the slightly messed up fact that mmk saw nn less as nn and more as her own past self#and how mmk was not really guiding nn the person so much as she was trying to fulfill her dream through nn#(ok my wording might get confusing but im RAMBLING OKAY)#GOD NN’S VA AND LINES WERE SOOOOO GOOD#mmk stuck in trying to amend her past…! but nn pulls her back to the present#back to reality and shows her that she can still fulfill that dream that desire…!#you saved me with that song its that important and i love it so i love you who laid bare your feelings#UGH THE TRUCK SCENE THAT THAT THAT UUUUGGGGHHFHH#she loves the real mmk…!#god what was i saying with codependency yuri earlier…?#oh right nn only being able to keep going now bc of mmk#hhhhhhhhh#and well. mmk having her happiness depend on keeping nn going (bc of yeah. seeing her past self in her…)#but the confession makes mmk realize what she was doing#(yet still good stuff for codependency yuri)#ok im shutting the fuck up now 😭
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WOUND UNDER THE CUT. CW FOR WOUND
#CW injury#fuck uhhh idk what else to tag this as#good tweet anomaly#so i stopped posting on twitter while at work and ive just been 'tweeting' in the Truck Channel of one o my friends' discord servers#GREAT ENRICHMENT HONESTLY#ANYWAy heres the saga of me 'tweeting' after getting burned by. and youll never guess. a curling iron#i havnt been around a curlin iron in foreeever so i forgot how carful u hadta be around them TToTT#i reached for somethin passed it but pressing my arm into it a bit too long#wooooopsie!!!! anyway ive been kinda lovin it#this wound has been AWESOME. stings like a MOTHER FUCKER#i love pain from wounds like this... so much more noble than the bastard chronic body pain and back pain#atleast this one knows to be hurt when pressed against. atleast THIS wound is tangible and solid and real and not FAKE and IMAGINARYY#like the foul hashimotos disease. which hides deep inside. like a motherfucker.#ITS BEEN 3 DAYS SINCE I GOT IT BUT NO ONES COMMENTED ON IT.... NO ONES EVEN SEEMED TO NOTICE IT... MY WONDERFUL WOUND...#ive had so many responses locked and loaded.. 'this is what they do to dealers that get too many black jacks ina row'#'yeah me and the homies were playing Swing Curling IRons at EAchother. the game where we swing curling irons at eachother'#'ieah it was a terrible turkey sandwich accident'#'you know how it is with spaghetti'#'i got bit by a radioactive curling iron'#LIKE CMAAAHHNN NO ONE EVEN CARES ABOUT MY AWESOME WOUND......#ANYWAY. i know the gay people in my phone will care about my amazing wonderful awwesome wound#also if u need me to tag this as smth lemme knowww i love youuu
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so for like, a decade plus, i've been searching for a youtube video i remember seeing back in 2007, and i've finally managed to make some headway:
good news: i've found it
bad news: it's lost media
#it's been bugging me for so long honestly#ive talked about it in my tags before but its basically the video that introduced me to roblox#it's probably a bit silly to have been searching for this video. but part of the reason ive been looking is to see how good my memory is#specifically memories from when i was 9 years old. and how those memories have aged given im 26 now#like id say my memory is pretty good. specifically remembering specific details from memories long ago#like that isn't to say they're perfect. like i'll get some details wrong. but i know the general idea of what i saw#but basically#it's basically some old roblox bloopers video that had their character in a baseball cap and lugia t-shirt#now for a few years i wasn't sure i was correct on this person wearing a lugia t-shirt#and so at some point i figured i had to give up looking for that specific detail#since literally no video i could find had these two details combined. id find characters with baseball caps but never with a lugia t-shirt#and by that point i was afraid i wouldn't be able to find this video. or worse. my memory was wrong and it was something i watched in 2008#but i knew it had to be uploaded before december 12th. 2007. because thats when i made my account#and the way i found it was going through 11 pages of a youtube search for ''lego videos''#i was specifically looking for new lego videos to watch. or find something that seemed more interesting than lego mario stop motion#and there was one video that stood out. which was some random roblox bloopers video. mixed in with a bunch of random lego videos#anyway. just today i was scrolling through twitters ''for you'' tab and happened upon a thread showing off lost roblox youtube thumbnails#and i was like ''well. can't hurt to see if theres anything in here that i recognize.''#and lo and behold. a roblox dude in a blue baseball cap and a lugia t-shirt. labeled as ''ROBLOX Bloopers!''#i could feel the anvil of my doubt free itself from my brain because i finally had proof of a video that lines up with my memory#thats not to say this is the exact video but 99% certain it's uploaded by the same person. like it could be roblox bloopers part 2#but anyway. the channel and the video(s) are lost and while im sad i can't watch it to confirm my memory#im happy to see that there's evidence that lines up with my memory of what i saw back then#for reference. it was uploaded by someone named 'Furzniak' at the time. and it was uploaded on July 21st. 2007
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liked the people’s joker but to no one’s surprise i wish the depictions of trans masculinity were, um, more nuanced. but it’s still really fucking good and worth seeing. just don’t expect to see any fully developed trans masc characters who aren’t like, explicitly abusive shitheads or joke characters
8.5/10 movie, would be a 9.5 if they’d given the penguin mastectomy scars. if your only character with visible top surgery scars or visible transmasc traits is a fucking shithead, idk, i think that is sort of mean to the other type of trans person who is Not You
#if it hadn’t given me the jump scare of ‘T4T will work out’ then I prob wouldn’t be so butt hurt abt it#certain parts feel like the author rehashing Twitter arguments and i don’t love that#also the only non binary rep was a robot. would like if that trend could stop#that being said i went to see this with a trans man and he didn’t give a shit LOL#so i think i just see it as unfair in like a principles sense#but if other ppl aren’t bothered maybe i am just a kill joy
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I've become so disillusioned by a certain someone that now I can't see any nice thing she does as anything but pr and well crafted com. It's a horrible feeling to experience after years of only seeing positivity and genuineness in everything she did.
#i don't like how my immediate thought process ressembles the thought process of an anti#but I just learned that she gave vip pass to ts content creators for melbourne n3#and my first reaction was : oh good way for her to make sure they'll forever defend her (not that she needed to do that for that)#the new secret sessions ig#and it's horrible because this thought process only hurts me#I'm not gonna say that to anyone#good for those girls they had a great night#but i already barely tolerated them with the way they smoothly stopped mentioning matty the moment his history was digged#how they fawn over travis#and the final nail in the coffin being the way they talk about ttpd and just spread typical twitter swifties stupidity#and to see them being encouraged by taylor just confirms the type of fans she wants : white apolitical beautiful young girl#like her#i rant in the void just let me empty my poor draft and ignore that#swifties#artist: taylor swift#olife#text#oli schist!
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GRRR im sooo tired of being scared of people i wish i felt comfortable enough to post my shit
#not on here tumblrs different#i have such a whack relationship with twitter#right now everyone there scares me#or most people anyway#a part of me is like what if i just. stopped being scared. and said what i wanted anyway#but another part of me says it still hurts to go to that site#i cant tell if its a 'stop limiting yourself' or 'be patient with yourself' situation#riah speaks
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grah I have such mixed feelings about the Twitter Takeovers. on one hand they can have genuinely good tidbits about characters or genuinely funny stuff but.
some of it is really they would not fucking say that.
#like I get that for the most part they’re not supposed to be serious but.#reading ‘I hate to say it but I-I kinda respect the guy.’ in the transcripts physically hurt#can we PLEASE move past Sonic and Shadow being like ‘ew I hate that I respect you’#and istg PLEASE PLEASE stop connecting IDW to the games PLEASE#but I did like that Sonic lost it a bit about feeling like no one really cares of notices his hero work#it was… a bit OOC in the way it was approached but still#and god Chaz (Fleetways) already talked about the shipping stuff in their essay but man.#that shits got me worried#anyway i’ll shut up now#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sonic fandom#sonic twitter takeover
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when your card declines at therapy and they bring out the person you used to look up to because you felt like they were going through the same thing as you before you found out they were the exact type of power-hungry abusive dipshit you're terrified of becoming
#sorry for posting a tiktok trend as a tumblr textpost but my camera is broken still.#salem's random thoughts#for those wondering yes this is about Current Events with a Certain Minecraft Streamer#but also Less Recent Events with a Certain Lead Singer Of A Decently Popular Alt Pop Band#i just. i am actively trying so fucking hard to be a good person and to not hurt people#but i see people like this and i see how similar this persona they project is to mine and how similar their writing is to the way i feel#and then invariably it turns out they're corrosive shitheads who only care about power and i just.#i know so intrinsically that if i stopped putting out this facade and suppressing every instinct i have i would become just like them#and i don't want that to happen. i don't want to hurt anyone. shockingly even the people that deserve it#but it would be so easy. easy enough that i feel like one day it's going to happen without me noticing#and after that i don't even know if i'd look back until my name's fucking trending on twitter or something#like one of these days the ''don't hurt other people'' part of my brain is not going to kick in hard enough to turn off the ''don't give a#fuck about anyone else's opinion'' part and i'm gonna do some fucked up shit without realizing it. and i really don't fucking want that to#happen but i know the way my brain works and i know it's going to#i just hope it's something minor and easily fixable when it does
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man im gonna be really happy when my hand decides that it likes my body and stops being a little hater.
#im SO GLAD i was able to finish miles' birthday gift(albeit late) and junos gift cause GOD did my hand not want me to#i started the sketch for junos in the 13th of june and had to stop 4 hours in cause i literally couldnt hold my pen my hand hurt so bad#<- juno if you're reading this you dont see that tag#your guy and his stupidly hard to draw shirt collar that i definitely didnt spend two days trying to get right went smoothly trust 🙏#its okay i had sneegs playthrough of psychonauts 2 to keep me company :)#i didnt send bi the sketch for miles' but i started it on the 17th i believe. i finished it on the 21st. thanks hand. you fucker.#(its okay im just happy both of them liked their gifts :) makes me happy)#it was really funny working on junos gift and having them reblog that one gift art post. like hehhehehe.... oh buddy you have no idea >:)#anyways ive been doing stretches to help with the pain. they're fun even if they hurt! ive been using 'journey to mobility's video#ram rambles#<- hes fuckin talkin!!!#ive been wanting to talk about this but i couldnt before i gave both of em their gifts lol#i couldnt even go to twitter cause they're both ON THERE
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hrnmgngm i ignored my better judgement and read some of the notes on that writing post. bad idea don’t do it
#mumbling#it’s literally like the first thing you learn online just don’t read the comments#i am not what the kids call. wise.#people are getting real hung up on the fanfiction thing which i probably should have seen coming but didn’t#like that is soooo not the point. the jab at fanfiction specifically barely even matters#the point is not what anything op or anyone who agrees is saying it’s WHY they’re saying it that pisses me off#it’s a cheap and needlessly cruel power play over people who aren’t hurting anyone and don’t have much power anyway#and it doesn’t even mean anything!! it’s just shitty!!#one-size-fits-all superiority complex ass post too vague to say anything of substance but mean enough to feel subversive#stop nervously agreeing with whoever says things the meanest way possible it’s not a read it’s not insightful it’s not even self aware#none of which are even inherently worthwhile traits in the first place#god i fucking hate twitter dunk culture so much it’s unreal
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I know we joke about jjk causing depression and discussing all the awful stuff that's going on and how low it makes us like it's funny, but if it's causing you emotional or mental distress, put it down. Just don't look at jjk stuff for a week. Limit your social media time.
All stories and series have the ability to interrupt your life and daily activities as you fixate on them, or the story unravels in an unfortunate way. It can be difficult to put a story down when you're really into it, even if it's only out of morbid curiosity for how the story will continue, but I'm very serious when I say you shouldn't let it ruin your life.
If you're friends with someone that posts constantly about your favorite character dying or constant angst and you notice it's affecting your mental health, take a break. It's not funny. I'm getting really concerned and frustrated with the way people are joking about suicide and depression when they read heavy stories like this. Those are real, legitimate, dangerous issues that you shouldn't joke about, and if you're experiencing those thoughts because of jjk or a series you're engaging (whether it's the story itself or the people you talk to about it), please try to manage your exposure to it and reach out for support.
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#im so tired seeing people post to intentionally upset others looking through the character tag or something#for anime onlys in the nanami tag i want to be really clear#the next 2 episodes will be distressing and i think its fair to warn about that#most of the suicide talk is on Twitter#but it's absurd how much people say theyre experiencing those thoughts AS A JOKE (maybe???) and then someone makes a point of sending more#hurtful things to the distressed person#like i post about being nervous about nanami and someone sends a picture of him being blown apart#what is your problem#people posting happy hcs and someone responds with his blood and guts everywhere#i see people asking them to stop and instead they just double down#it does not sit well with me#suicide#tw suicide#tw: suicide#depression#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressing stuff#tw depression#tw: depression
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wish hybe hadn't ruined my enjoyment of every single bts member's solo debut by ruining hoseok's solo debut first but here we are
#i mean i AM enjoying jimin's debut!#i really like the songs and the choreo and all#i love jimin#but that doesn't stop my heart from hurting does it#it was the worst with the astronaut tho because that was the first member with cds#jimin and jin are in my fop 3 fave bts members and i HATE it that hybe made me feel like this#i want to be happy for them in peace and i'm trying but boyyyy is it hard to ignore the 29488301 differences in treatment!#again don't send me asks about this if you want to argue it's free to make a twitter account so go play over there#wow can you sense that i'm at my limit with this company#anyway. just listened to face off again. i love it. gonna focus on that#bts#bts negativity#big hit negativity#negativity#my post
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there's seems to be nothing that makes me want to commit unspeakable violence quite like the sound of someone vaping..... 🙃
#by violence i mean autistic sensory rage fueled meltdown#meltdown#autistic#autism#autism things#actually autistic#sensory overload#sensory sensitivity#sensory issues#sensory overstimulation#why is vaping the worst sound ive ever heard and why is my mother obsessed with it and does it literally every 5 seconds of her life#ive counted. it surprises me if she gets past 5 seconds.#she wont stop when i ask. she thinks she needs that shit. she needs TO STOP#i will go into a full violent meltdown one of these days and hurt her and myself. im struggling to hold myself together#especially being winter snd my sensory tolerance is EXTREMELY IMPACTED MY COLD AND MORE LAYERS OF CLOTHING#i want to take that stupid vape and throw it out the car window#and dont suggest noise canceling headphones like people on twitter kept dping. i have them. they DO NOT BLOCK OUT ANYTHING. I STILL HEAR#EVERYTHING I CANT STAND AROUND ME AND I WILL STILL MELTDOWN OVER IT#lee rants
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