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salemruinseverything · 9 months ago

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when your card declines at therapy and they bring out the person you used to look up to because you felt like they were going through the same thing as you before you found out they were the exact type of power-hungry abusive dipshit you're terrified of becoming

#sorry for posting a tiktok trend as a tumblr textpost but my camera is broken still.#salem's random thoughts #for those wondering yes this is about Current Events with a Certain Minecraft Streamer #but also Less Recent Events with a Certain Lead Singer Of A Decently Popular Alt Pop Band #i just. i am actively trying so fucking hard to be a good person and to not hurt people #but i see people like this and i see how similar this persona they project is to mine and how similar their writing is to the way i feel #and then invariably it turns out they're corrosive shitheads who only care about power and i just.#i know so intrinsically that if i stopped putting out this facade and suppressing every instinct i have i would become just like them #and i don't want that to happen. i don't want to hurt anyone. shockingly even the people that deserve it #but it would be so easy. easy enough that i feel like one day it's going to happen without me noticing #and after that i don't even know if i'd look back until my name's fucking trending on twitter or something #like one of these days the ''don't hurt other people'' part of my brain is not going to kick in hard enough to turn off the ''don't give a #fuck about anyone else's opinion'' part and i'm gonna do some fucked up shit without realizing it. and i really don't fucking want that to #happen but i know the way my brain works and i know it's going to #i just hope it's something minor and easily fixable when it does

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