#TW: Bad Mental Health
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
im doing REALLY shittily but it seems no one can tell to the point i have been of my meds for like two months, today i bit into my cheek/lip so much and so hard my mouth filled with blood, like my teeth and tongue were coated with blood and i had to deal with it on my own because no one was around to help me. im so lonely and tired and not even my gf cares. i just want to, stop, i just want to not be in pain anymore but death seems to scary
Sorry I didn't come sooner. I'm so sorry that you've been off your meds. I don't know what's going on, but I hope things get better. Please don't give up.
And I'm sorry that no one cares. You don't deserve that. I have some things I could recommend, but I don't know enough. But just know that you can come here whenever you need it, I promise. /genuine
#tw: neglect#tw: bad mental health#did system#fictive heavy system#polyfrag system#system love#traumagenic system#endos dni#dni endos#safe place
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
This the time where I go through my art and upload it? Sure is! And why not start off with a Daily Prompt on a server I own!
I don't recall the prompt now. But I do recall the idea behind this. And it is... Quite dark and sad. About an Earth Pony by the name of Tera, who met an individual that destroyed her mental health.
TW: Bad Mental Health, Mental Abuse
This is Tera, an Earth Pony who had a bright future ahead of her. A very bright individual with hopes and dreams. And things only seemed to look up when she met someone she thought was the love of her life... Kryodia.
Kryodia is a cruel individual, a sadist who toys with those he comes across. Caring little for a challenge, and goes after those he deems as easy targets. Tera, being one of them.
Over time, she was broken down. Trying her best to be who she thought Kryodia wanted her to be. Broken down mentally, by him simply playing a game of give and take. Only giving enough to keep her wanting more, but taking enough to make her tired.
Now she's a shell of herself, and someone that has been through a lot of trauma. She still loves him, even though at this point he's completely turned his back on her. She needs to find her footing again to walk the road of healing. If I ever tell her story, that is what it would be about: Healing.
However if I went back to her story, I would also redesign her a bit. Because her current design-... Kind of is quite extreme in regards to injuries and bandages and there's no story behind that. Kryodia was never physically abusive, so he wouldn't have caused those. Nor do I wanna go the route of her having done that to herself either. We'll see what I do if I revisit this!
#MLP#MLP Art#TW: Bad Mental Health#TW: Mental Abuse#Mental Abuse#Bad Mental Health#My Characters#Tera#artists on tumblr
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anyone order angst? This Will be in parts
Part: 1/??
“I found someone better”
⚠️warnings⚠️: angst, mentions of abuse and bad mental health, naive OC, mentions of manipulative behavior
parings: Actor!Mark x OC to Damien x OC
Eliza hummed as she swayed to the music in her kitchen as she cooked. She loved old records of her boyfriends. As she thought of Mark he stepped into the kitchen as she turned around.
“Oh good! Your home early I was just starting your favorite dish for when you got home!”
She walked over to Mark and hugged him, standing on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek. This, despite Eliza not seeing it, annoyed him greatly. As she continue cooking, Mark went and changed coming down in a robe. She dished up and they sat down to eat.
“This doesn’t taste right you’ve cooked it for to long”
Mark snapped frustrated. Eliza jumped and looked down. She thought he would like it but now she has ruined it. As Mark began ranting she stood up and began cleaning up, neglecting to eat herself. She sighed quietly and smiled, she knew he loved her.
A few weeks later she was getting ready for one of her friends birthday parties. She hummed along to the soft jazz playing in the background when Mark appeared at the bedroom door.
“What do you think your doing?”
Eliza jumped and looked at him. She stood up and twirled showing off her outfit. She knew that the dress showed her curves.
“Getting ready for my friends party for her birthday”
Mark shook his head and sighed
“You didn’t ask me or warn me about it. Your not going”
Eliza tried arguing but it was useless. Mark promised her that after he finished his shower he would dress up with her and they could dance to her favorite record. She nodded and sat waiting like a expectant puppy. However Mark got a call from work asking him to come in, which he agreed to. He came down and explained to Eliza before leaving.
Eliza sighed and phoned Damien, maybe a catch up wouldn’t be all that bad. Once Damien arrived the two had a drink and slow danced together. Time flew by and before both of them knew it, Mark was back. Damien he just dipped Eliza when Mark came in.
“The fuck is this!?”
His voice snapped Eliza out of her thoughts as Damien brought her back from the dip. She looked at Damien panicked
“I…It’s nothing really dear I was just dancing with-“
Before she could finish speaking Mark put a hand up and slapped her. Hard. He began accusing her and Damien and demanded the two leave. After Eliza packed her things she left with Damien in tears.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
knock kock. knock knock.
The mind won't let you sleep? I hope you are not surprised. Our dear star. Our dear fucking star. What's got into that empty head of yours shutting people? To this in this shitty lie. Paranoia. A tainted mind, smelling of blood ; the pure blood of the people who loved you.
" I still have friends! " Friends? Listen to yourself again dear. Everything is destroyed. There are no friends. There is no family. You have no fame or stage. Your talent is gone. This is all your fault.
" It can't be- "
True? And that's exactly what it is. And you will live with it until your death. Or will you find a place in hell? This is interesting even for me. It should be for you, too.
"ShutupShutupShutupShutupShutupShutupShutup!" Suddenly she felt blood running down her hand. opened eyes and understood. It was another one of her nightmares. How she fucking hates them.
0 notes
Text
something the women in my family are absolutely flabbergasted by every time it comes up is the fact that i don’t own a scale.
“how do you know how much you weigh??” they cry.
“i don’t.” i simply respond.
“you look thinner, have you lost weight?” they ask at christmas.
“i dunno.” i say as i check on the turkey.
“you look bigger, have you gained weight?” they probe, as if my weight rests on their shoulders.
“i’m not sure, but it’s fine if i have.” i respond with a casualness they cannot comprehend.
“don’t you want to know if you’ve lost or gained?” they inquire over cups of coffee and a plate of untouched cookies.
“i do.” i take a sip. “which is why i don’t need to know.”
“we don’t understand.” they say.
“i’ll drive myself mad if i know. it’s been a question i’ve been looking for the answer to since i was in the seventh grade and my weight was the topic of conversation for the first time; the stretch marks on my calves puberty brought being questioned and condemned. and so i started weighing myself once a day. then twice a day. i gained weight as i grew and was told to stop. i got depressed when i was 16 and the weight i gained was more concerning than the scars on my thighs. the critiques turned to compliments during my first year of college when i’d started skipping meals and my body had to feed itself because i wouldn’t. everyday i stepped on the scale and smiled as i watched that number get smaller and smaller. hunger felt like victory. i started doing drugs that took away my appetite and then my strength. and started feeling guilt when my stomach felt full. and suddenly every time i looked in the mirror i hated what i saw. the more weight i lost, the better i was supposed to feel. each remark on another part of my body lost felt like a slap to the face. i was told i looked good but i knew i wasn’t good enough. and so i tried harder. and then i started to get dizzy when i stood. and i ignored it like i’d learned to ignore my hunger. and then one day at work i dropped like the weight that was never enough after i bending at the waist to grab a milk cap from the floor. and when the darkness faded, i was surrounded by panic as an ambulance was called. and then i was tested and prodded and poked because they thought something was wrong with my heart. and the problem persisted but they never found out why. but i’d known all along. and then i left home and its scale behind. and moved into a new home that was mine. so i bought plates and sheets and art for the walls. but i didn’t buy a scale. then every time i walked down an aisle i’d see the them and pause. and i’d think about the hunger i now kept at bay. and even though i didn’t know how much i weighed, i didn’t notice my body had changed. and i’d think about how i hadn’t been dizzy for months. and how i hadn’t fainted for longer. and then i’d keep on walking. and now most days i like how i look.”
“but don’t you want to be skinny?” comes their quiet response.
“i want to be myself in whatever body i have.”
they stare in disbelief. so i shrug my shoulders, and grab a cookie. and i smile at them as i swallow the first bite.
#trigger warning ed#tw disordered eating#body neutrality i love you !!#the women in my family cannot comprehend that i don’t diet anymore#and that i just eat what i want#and that im okay with the unknown#bc my body tried its hardest to be kind to me#even when i tried my hardest to be unkind to it#and now it’s time to pay it back#throw out your scales!! they’re bad for your mental health!!
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
It hurts.
It hurts so much.
I need someone, anyone, to love me.
Being unlovable hurts.
It's the pain of knowing that noone can ever love me the way I love them.
To love the way I do is to burn and scratch open my skin just to try and show you a part of me.
It's to always wait for something.
#mental health#vent blog#depressing shit#vent post#actually bpd#i wanna relapse so bad#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd problems#bpd#borderline fp#borderline problems#actually borderline#borderline blog#borderline personality disorder#borderline#love#gay yearning#mlm yearning#ftm mlm#mlm thoughts#trans mlm#gay mlm#mlm love#borderline love#bpd relationships#mentally unstable#sh#tw self destructive behavior#tw self destructive thoughts
372 notes
·
View notes
Text
One of Those Days
poly!mikaelsons x reader | request
summary: between the constant fighting and city clamor, you're overstimulated from the minute you wake up. you try to isolate until you feel better, but sometimes, that only makes things worse. luckily, your loving vampire partners are always there for you.
tags: sensory issues, mental health, overstimulation, arguing, mild emotional hurt / comfort
word count: ~2.6k
a/n: requested by @asexualaromosafezone - i am SO SORRY this took me literal months to complete. a couple days ago, i suddenly remembered i never filled it and finished it asap. i hope you like it, and again, so many apologies!
Sometimes, you wake up, and can immediately tell it’ll be a hard day. The sun has barely risen, yet there’s already a million noises coming through your window. Chatters of people having their morning walks, car horns from those too impatient to let them cross, the distant clang of a dropped pot, and-
“REBEKAHHH!”
-Klaus, yelling for his sister. At seven in the morning.
“What the bloody hell are you shouting for?! I’m right here!”
You sigh, glad that mystery solved quickly.
There’s probably a few more minutes until your alarm rings, so instead of getting up a little earlier, you opt to enjoy your last minutes of peace. Though you soon realize that’s impossible, given your circumstances. On top of the city sounds, there’s a bird right outside your window, and when you try to turn away from it, the tag on your blanket itches the inside of your thigh.
“Ugh!” You toss the blanket off.
Your alarm sounds not a second later.
With a slap to your phone and then another to your forehead, you decide to just get ready for the day. Luckily, not much is planned. Marcel still has control over the city, and with you being human, your Mikaelson hosts don’t want you outside at all.
See, you live with the family of original vampires. You used to be a Mystic Falls’ resident, but then after developing a close connection with the siblings, decided to move to New Orleans with them and get a fresh start. You were tired of the small town life, and while the big city can be overwhelming at times, you’ll never get sick of the culture it has to offer. Besides, living with the most powerful family makes you happier than you ever believed you could be.
As much as you love them, though, they can be a pain. Like when Klaus can’t find his sister, but forgets a whisper would summon her just as effectively. Instead, he has to wake up the whole quarter, and inconvenience you with a headache. When you reach the dining room that day, you slump your head on the table.
“Everything alright, darling?” Kol’s voice floats over your head, making you aware of his presence.
“Tired.”
“Is your bed comfortable enough? Do you need more blankets?”
You haven’t been in the city long, and his consideration warms your heart.
“Oh, I’m okay. I’m very comfy. Just haven’t gotten used to the city yet.”
“Ah, I understand.”
His attention drifts to his sister. You busy yourself with a plate of food and ignore how tired you feel. When Elijah sits beside you, you offer a smile, but don’t say anything. The man, polite as ever, does the same. Though while two of the siblings are quiet, the other two aren’t. Klaus and Rebekah are still on the same topic from earlier. They bounce off each other quickly, childish banter turning into an argument.
You try to eat in peace and ignore them, but it’s difficult. And it doesn’t help that you’ve been feeling down lately, anyway. It’s rather unexplainable, the way you feel. Some days you’d rather stay in bed all day than face the world. Your whole body could be begging for you to get up and get things done, but you just can’t. No matter how hard you fight your own mind, sometimes there’s no winning the raging war.
To make matters worse, you’re always hypersensitive when you find yourself in these low moods. Every little thing is overstimulating and there’s no pause button. This morning, you didn’t even get a chance to wake up before the sounds started. (Thanks, Klaus.) You roll your eyes in your head, annoyed.
“Hey.” A poke to your shoulder startles you, making you jump. “You okay?”
“Ooh, you caught me off guard.”
“Sorry,” Kol smiles, “you in deep thought, or rolling your eyes at Klaus’ statement?”
“Uh…” You bite your lip. You were rolling your eyes about Klaus, but missed whatever statement it was that he just made. “What did he say?”
“That he was on his way to have a little chat with Marcel. That will go swimmingly.”
“Oh.” You snort and decide to joke. “Both.”
Kol grins at you, but then, thankfully, leaves you alone again.
After breakfast, you retreat back into your room, not in the mood to face the day. If Klaus is really going to start shit with Marcel, it’ll be an intense day. You’ve never met the current king of the French Quarter, but Elijah’s told stories. Marcel and the family used to be close, but then, like all their other relationships, ties ended drastically.
“But not with you, of course,” he had promised. “You’re our girl.”
You were skeptical for a moment. Who wouldn’t be, knowing the Mikaelsons? But then Klaus approached you from behind with a kiss to your hair and confirmed his brother’s words,
“As long as we have your loyalty, you’ll always have ours.”
You could see the truth in his statement. Everyone who ended up on their bad side had betrayed them in some way. So, as long as you didn’t repeat others’ mistakes; as long as you kept your trust in the family, you would be considered family. And ever since the day you first grew close, you have been their family.
You’re close with all of the siblings. Elijah, first, when you couldn’t take your eyes off him at Damon’s dinner party. Then Rebekah, and then Kol, when he undaggered. Even Finn, before his untimely death - thanks to Matt, your good friend now worst enemy. Klaus took the longest to trust you, and you can’t blame him for having trust issues, but once he realized how much his siblings adored you, he was quick to accept your place with them.
Now, the five of you live together, nine hundred miles from your hometown. It’s certainly a change, but every day with them is an adventure.
Like today, you suddenly think, overhearing Elijah’s footsteps in the hallway. Today has definitely been one of those days.
“Y/N?” He stops outside your door.
“Mhm?”
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
Elijah opens the door, but doesn’t fully enter your room. He looks you up and down before smiling. “I just thought you seemed sad earlier and wanted to check on you. Is everything okay?”
“Oh!” You put on a brave face to mask the tiredness you feel internally. “Yeah, I’m just out of sorts today. It’s nothing.”
“Are you sure? Because if someone’s bothering you, that’s something we can take care of.”
“No, no, I promise. It’s all just me. Just having a day.”
“You’re positive?” He asks for confirmation again.
“Have I ever lied to you, ‘Lijah?”
He looks down at his shoes, embarrassed. “No, you haven’t. I apologize for doubting you.”
“It’s okay,” you step closer to him, resting against the door frame. “No need to apologize. But I swear, I just… woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something. New Orleans is a loud city. I’m still adjusting.”
“Okay. Well, call if you need anything. Even the smallest thing.”
“I will.”
“Oh, and be careful in the off-chance that Marcel storms in here. There’s a fight brewing in the quarter.”
“I’ll keep an eye out.”
“Better yet, stay inside for the day. So you’re not in harm’s way at all.”
“Okay, ‘Lijah.”
He smiles at you, then kisses your hand. “Now, I need to neutralize my brother. But I needed to make sure our girl was okay first.”
“She’s okay. Go deal with him.”
Elijah straightens his collar before speeding off to no doubt defend his brother in a fight. You love Klaus, but man, does he get angry. And then from anger, comes pure rage, then absolute chaos. Once situations escalate that far, the whole block better hide if they want to keep their hearts in their chest.
You sigh, thinking of the carnage that may come. You’re not sure you can deal with his anger issues today, especially not coupled with those of Marcel. Of all the days they have to fight, it’s the one that you might snap, too, if he raises his voice one more time.
Suddenly, your bed looks like the perfect oasis away from the mess behind your door. A good pillow over the ears might prevent an impending meltdown. You crawl into it at once and let your body melt into the mattress.
You hadn’t lied to Elijah, though you hadn’t given him the full truth, either. Yes, you are, in general, okay. Not necessarily today, but at that moment, you were. Also yes, you’re not feeling great today, partly because of all the city noise. And, finally, yes, most of it is just you and your body not in the mood to be awake. Though Klaus is contributing, just a little bit, to your mental distress today. Elijah would understand, of course, but then he’d have a talk with his brother about it, and you really didn’t want to burden either of them in that way, so you put on a smile and didn’t mention it. You’d bet Elijah knows the full truth, and knows why you won’t admit it, but he respects you if you don’t want to talk about it. That’s one of the reasons you love him so much.
You get a couple hours of rest until your slumber is interrupted by a new knock on your door. It’s not soft, like Elijah’s, so it must be one of the younger two.
“Oh no,” you mutter, wondering what it must be now.
“Y/N?” Rebekah’s voice comes from the other side. “Are you awake?”
“I am now.”
She opens the door as you reply. “Oh what the bloody hell are you still doing in bed?”
“Sleeping.”
“Obviously! Come watch a movie with Kol and I! We’d love your company.”
“An actual movie, or the public display of violence happening outside in the quarter?”
“We haven’t decided yet!” She grabs your hand. “Come on!”
You yawn. “I’m gonna pass today, I’m not up for it.”
“Awh, Y/N! It won’t be as fun without you!”
“I have a headache, Bex,” you fib.
“Do you want some blood for that?”
“Does that even work like that?”
She shrugs, “not sure.”
You cuddle into your pillow. “Another time, okay?”
The girl smiles, then leans forward to kiss your head. “Okay. If you change your mind, come find us.”
“I will. Thank you.”
“Dinner’s at seven. Will you be there?”
“Yeah,” you promise, “I should be better by then.”
You are not, in fact, better by then. If anything, your foul mood progressed into an actual headache within thirty minutes of Rebekah leaving. Shouts throughout the city managed to penetrate the thin glass of your windows, and you could hear almost everything as Klaus heckled the current king. For hours, it went on, until the sun went down and they assumedly put it off for another day. By seven o’clock, you were able to sneak in another nap, but you still felt way overstimulated from the day’s events.
Not to mention the fact that you spent all day in bed. Sometimes, you’re overstimulated by too much going on, but today you partly did it to yourself by hiding away all day. The guilt of avoiding everyone weighs on your chest. Rebekah had invited you to a movie; Elijah went out of his way to check up on you, and you had more or less dismissed them both. A bitter taste sits in your mouth when you think about it. Water doesn’t wash it out.
Hopefully dinner will.
For the first ten minutes, the night passes peacefully. Most of the conversation is focused between the meal and the movie the two had watched. The events of the day, seemingly, are left in the past.
But then, of course, Kol has to make a comment on something he overheard that he thought was funny. And that set Klaus off into a spewing of anger. He’s pissed at Marcel, but now, also, at Kol for bringing it up. Elijah puts his face in his hands, and Rebekah sends both a huge eye roll.
What was a moment of much-appreciated silence is now a yelling match. After five minutes, you reach your breaking point.
“Why do you feel the need to comment on that, Kol? It was so insignificant, but you’ve felt the need to bring it up, and now I’m reminded of how much Marcel has done to piss me off!”
“I didn’t mean to make you upset, bloody hell! I thought it was funny!”
“It wasn’t funny to me when he was spitting in my face! I-”
“Oh my god! Are you ever not arguing?!” You suddenly shout.
The table goes silent and all eyes are on you. A needle could be dropped and it would be heard across the quarter.
“I’m sorry,” you apologize quickly, embarrassed.
“Love,” Elijah puts a hand on your shoulder, “are you alright?”
At his touch, you flinch. He retracts his hand quickly, but doesn’t move his body away from its proximity to yours.
Klaus, although upset at the interruption, notices this and calms a little. “Everything okay, Y/N?”
“I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
“That little outburst didn’t sound like nothing.”
“I’m just stressed.”
“Darling, what’s got you all upset? Tell us and we’ll sort it out now.”
“It’s no one, Kol, I’m just not feeling well.”
“Still have a headache, sweetheart?” Rebekah asks.
“You have a headache?” Klaus butts in.
The assortment of questions makes you drop your head. It nearly hits the table, but Elijah grabs your frame before you can fall. Tears form in your eyes, visibly.
“I’m just really overstimulated today. I woke up weird and this city is loud, and then there was all the fighting all day long, and then I hid in my room all day, but then I felt bad about hiding, and now I’m making you all worried because I can’t get my shit under control!”
“And that’s your fault, how?” Elijah asks, “you cannot blame yourself for the way you feel.”
“But I need to handle my emotions better. I’m sorry.”
“No apologies necessary, love,” Klaus adds, “I certainly haven’t helped, fighting with children all day.”
“Niklaus,” Elijah warns, but Klaus doesn’t argue with him this time.
“I should’ve stayed with you when you said you had a headache.”
“Don’t blame yourself either, Bex. It’s not your fault.”
“But we could’ve cuddled,” she frowns.
“It’s okay. I got a nap, and it helped a little. I just need to get used to my life being different now. None of you are at fault.”
“Nor are you,” the eldest reminds, “it’s been quite a day for us all.”
Kol clears his throat, “say, after dinner, if you feel up to it, we could all watch a movie and cuddle around you? I think some comfort is much needed.”
“Sure,” you agree, “but I might fall asleep during it.”
“That’s quite alright,” he smiles. He then stands up to hug you, but when his arms wrap around your neck, you freeze.
“Not yet, please. I’m still a bit stressed.”
He gives you a wink. “Of course, darling. Let me know when you’re ready.”
Klaus flicks his napkin across the table. He’s folded it into the shape of a heart. “We love you. You know that, right?”
You take the heart, kiss it, and put it in your pocket. “I do. I love you all, too. Thanks for understanding.”
#poly!mikaelsons x reader#poly!mikaelsons#elijah mikaelson x reader#kol mikaelson x reader#rebekah mikealson x reader#klaus mikaelson x reader#tw mental health#i feel so bad for taking so long on this
546 notes
·
View notes
Text
Levi with an (Episodically) Depressed S/O
Tags: levi x reader, angst, hurt-comfort, gn!reader Word count: 900
Levi invites you to shower with him, making the obstacle less daunting and much more attractive. In his black robe, leaning on your bedroom door, two towels slung over his arm indicate the knowledge that you will say yes and accompany him. The way that he looks, the low plea in his voice, how could you say no?
It would be more accurate to say that he was bathing you, but he does not phrase it that way. Instead, he is humble, letting his actions speak louder than words. He does not tell you that he will shampoo your matted hair, does not flaunt how deliberately he exfoliates your limbs, he just does them for you. Some days, even just tipping the bottle or pumping some soap into your hand can seem mountainous. On those days, he sees those activities not as tasks, but as privileges. It is his honor to be the one looking after you in your most dire time. He would always prefer someone to take care of rather than someone to miss.
Showering together not only ensures that you stay clean, but his company prevents you from those timeless sessions sat on the tile floor. At the moment you look refreshed but before you become sleepy, he jerks the handle to the left and halts the devastatingly relaxing rain.
Always, your clean clothes are already folded atop the bathroom counter, waiting for you. Some times, you fail to remember that you did not put them there. Other times, you notice the sign of his relentless consideration, but are artificially silenced from expressing your gratitude. No matter in his mind. You are clean, clothed, and out of bed, and that’s already better than you were before.
Without one complaint, Levi scoops your dampened towel and old clothes from the wet bathroom floor and drops them in the hamper for you. He has seen the piles that can amass, and if it were anyone else in any other circumstance, the clean freak would be quick to chastise, but any sight or thought of you disintegrates any instinct to discipline. You are sat in the living room, admiring the ivy that swirls around the balcony’s posts, thumbing the petals of the bouquet vased on the coffee table. White-gold rays move just a tad west to cast your figure in therapeutic light. You’re too tired to move away from the sun, and for once, Levi finds your fatigue favorable. As the morning temperature rises, he can see that your resting smile does as well.
While you are entranced with the scenes of summer, Levi swiftly searches for and alleviates the areas you have left neglected. He dumps your sock drawer upside down and mends the pairs that you have discarded as singles. In your closet, he finds the clean pile and dirty pile and either folds it or washes it accordingly. Under your bed, on your nightstand, in your bedside drawer, he discovers the dirty dishes that have been missing the sink and returns them to their proper place.
Between those tasks, he rolls his shoulders back or rubs the side of his neck and allows himself to sigh. It is difficult - not to bandage these tiny wounds - but to see the harsh bruises left by the illness. Sure, you were forgetful, and not quite as tidy as he was, but still - the mounds of laundry, hidden dirty dishes - this wasn’t like you. Levi lives for your joy - not the superficial smile, your peace - not the misleading silence. He lives for you - in sickness and in health. The times you forget your worth, that is when he whispers it in your ear. When the world is overwhelming you, he lets his touch communicate it.
Once your space is in order, he can start to work on getting you to leave it. Rather than annoying reminders or obligations, he mindfully manipulates the steps of treatment into desirable invitations. Rather than Do you want to… or Would you like to…, his proposals are statements, taking the responsibility out of your hands. Concerts in the park this afternoon. Let’s go to the farmers market. Apple orchard just opened.
Or even less far away.
Plants look thirsty, water them with me? Rain just cleared, read on the porch with me? Full moon tonight, stargaze with me?
To you, with me frames the activities, frames your presence as favors for him, and even in your lowest state, you are always keen to help him with anything. To Levi, it is no framing, your relationship is the greatest gift that fate has bestowed on him, and he treats you as such. It is in his selfless actions and his careful words, but it is more than that, traits you can’t quite categorize. The near flat, subtle smile you wake up to in the morning. The tight yet painless combs through your hair that leave you feeling divine. The low, calming timbre of his voice, decorated with a tender tone that he reserves for you.
Even before the haze you’re in now, you’ve never been able to label those qualities of his, and instead settled: it’s just who he is.
Like the sentiment that motivates his care: it’s what you deserve.
// masterlist //
#Optional A/N: I've been away from tumblr for a while. I had absolutely no expectation that anyone would notice#so please don't feel bad if you didn't notice! <3#i was going through - and am still going through - some intense health problems; mental and physical#so that's why i was gone~ but i've started mental health medication and it's starting to help me.#i can tell because today was the first day that i wrote fanfic in all of 2024 <3 oh how i've missed it#but i've missed the friends i have here more.#sorry for my random leave. please know it was not you - it was me#and my neurons originating in the raphe nuclei located in the midline of the brainstem that failed to make sufficient serotonin :')#anyways thank you all love youuuuuuuuu#levi x reader#levi ackerman x reader#levi#levi ackerman#levi x you#levi ackerman x you#aot x reader#snk x reader#aot x you#snk x you#2024#angst#headcanon#my writing#anlian writes#alias's#depression tw#tw depression#depression#mental health#tw mental health
160 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm being 100% serious one of the worst things stan culture has done is making suicide jokes commonplace again
#like we had a brief period of time where people were getting over the edgy kys jokes and then twitter and tik tok brought them fully swing#i despise it so much its bad for your own mental health and its bad for others#vio.txt#vio.rant#tw suicide#call me easily triggered but it legit makes me so uncomfortable on a good day and makes me spiral on a bad one#and like u can't ask people to stop without it being weird
683 notes
·
View notes
Text
-i drink so i dont cvt myself (another fucking coping mechanism)
-i cvt myself because i get drunk and have no ability to control myself
it doesn't make any sense
#tw s3lf harm#$elf harm#$elf h4rm#$h tumblr#mental health#s3lfharmm#mentally fucked#s3lf mutilation#mental health relapse#tw sh related#i wanna relapse so bad#tw selfhate#self h@te#self h@rm#mental illness#$hblr#tw self destructive behavior#tw self destruction#unhealthy coping mechanisms
447 notes
·
View notes
Text
I just think there is something so inherently beautiful about choosing to live, despite it all. You have touched the depths of hell, sunken in magma, drowned in blue fire - and yet, even though your fingertips have touched death's in some sort of cruel, twisted dance, you choose to live. You shouldn't have had to go through those things, and I am so sorry that you did. But it's going to be okay.
Not every day is going to be easy. Life isn't easy. But it is beautiful to wake up and choose to continue, even on the days where you don't want to get out of bed. I think those good moments in the future - the future that you do have, mind you - will make it worth the run. There are people waiting for you, out there. There is someone, there, in the future, even if their face is blurry, who is extending their hand to you.
They will be real. You can grab their hand and pull yourself out. You can hang on just a little bit longer.
You can choose for yourself. You are not anybody else's puppet.
Choose yourself. Choose this hellish life, because when winter blows over, spring will come again.
Even if it's for something small - it's worth it. You are worth it.
Please, continue to live.
#poetry#aurae rambles#mental wellness#tw for suicide#choose to live#despite it all#please#i hope that this can help someone#mental health#mental heath support#mental heath awareness#nice words for your bad days#i just thought this should be put out there
179 notes
·
View notes
Text
fun fact: I didn't question Donald's presence in season 2 until Debbie reacted to him still being alive. My man's got the Schrödinger's cat type shit going on
I love how season 2 is basically every single character going through the worst existential crisis of their life 🤌
#tw bad art im deadass having an art block atm and my health is crumbling away#invincible show#debbie grayson#cecil stedman#donald ferguson#nolan grayson#omniman#invincible season 2#Cecil doing damage control by kicking Debbie out before she starts asking questions is sooo funny#and i love that Donald's comic counterpart is like 'yall didnt know i could do that??'#while show Donald has an entire mental breakdown about this (as he should)#im a firm subscriber of the Fucked Up Polycule btw. no exclusivity between Cecil/Donald/Debbie/Nolan/whoever
124 notes
·
View notes
Text
almost forgot to post this one. art from @may-maple-blog. comet catches one hell of a fish
#tw animal death#latios#pokemon#pokemon rse#pokemon oras#autumn.art#fucking. fuck you tumblr for logging me out and deleting the tag novel i had on this thing#anyway i was SAYING the in character server is great for my mental health#it's been kinda bad the last two months#and i have been in horrifying amounts of pain the last two days#anyway#i'm fine#if comet was a human he'd be one of those dudes who poses shirtless holding up like a bass or some shit in photos#he's redneck coded
81 notes
·
View notes
Text
The frustrating part about conversations like "should people with self-harm scars warn others before showing off their body?" and conversations like it is how nobody would tell me that my scars are obscene or should be hidden despite, literally, being self-harm scars. They just do not know because people literally do not know what self-harm scars are and what self-harm is.
Our bodies are not vulgar or gross. We deserve to live our lives, and if our scars make you uncomfortable, we can be compassionate about that, but that doesn't mean that our bodies are Bad and should be Locked Away. Treat us like we belong, because we do.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#self harm#self harm tw#sh tw#it's just funny seeing what people think self-harm is#because they wouldn't think twice about my scars but they would rain hellfire on somebody who has scars that LOOK like they're...#...the result of self-harm (even if they are not from it!)#people just run with the assumptions they have based off of like... pop media and sad songs and never from us#/especially/ if you are somebody who never self-harmed in the most 'conventional' or 'understood' way...#...i found that as somebody who fits that category nobody knows how to treat me...#...which tied into a different post i made about 'unconventional' self-harming bahaviour#and the idea that we should be hidden away like a broken doll just helps contribute to us not getting help or being able to recover...#...like part of the reason i have self-harmed is because i was told how my trans body was obscene in cis society...#...it was more complex than that but being told you are Fundamentally Broken and Bad is genuinely evil
386 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't feel loved
#:(#like really it's a terrible thing to feel but it's not as much as i am giving and it makes me feel so bad#i am not loved enough and to think that this torment would continue always makes me shut my heart and don't start for anyone#it's so pathetic but i can't help it because i don't get it as intense as i am giving and it's always that never scratching even the surface#i think about her alot but she doesn't thinks of me#i try to make him happy but it's never enough#i try to keep myself sane but i sound like a child begging to be taken along and it ain't working for me#I don't think love should be difficult or unnatural#it should definitely come in my way because i deserve it like anyone else#i should feel loved and i hope i do and i hope it changes#to wake up one day and not feel terrible or to just hope for a home where i am loved and cherished#where my love is celebrated and people don't just tolerate it#i want all those pretty giddy feeling for myself#not sorry for rambling because it's my blog !#desiblr#being desi#desi tag#anxiety#sadgirl#love#tw depressing thoughts#tw mental health
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
I miss him. So much.
It feels like I will never see him again. It feels like I can never hold him again. It feels like it's all over and lost.
I can't, I don't want to keep going like this.
#mental health#vent blog#depressing shit#vent post#relationship#boyfriend#i wanna relapse so bad#actually bpd#fear of abandonment#abandoment issues#bpd favorite person#bpd thoughts#abandoned#bpd problems#bpd vent#borderline fp#borderline problems#actually borderline#borderline blog#borderline personality disorder#bpd fp#him#i miss him#mentally exhausted#actually mentally ill#mentally unstable#mentally fucked#mental illness#tw sui talk#tw sui implied
30 notes
·
View notes