#TW Period-Typical Ableism | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years ago

Note

tw: brief talk of physically abusive and neglectful environment, dehumanization, someone else's delusion(s), maybe ableism?

Looking for: advice, information, resources, input(?)

Hi, this is probably one of the weirder asks you'll get, but I was wondering if you have any information about not feeling human? I don't mean this in a "I don't believe I deserve to be considered human" sort of way, I mean that I just.. I don't know how to human, it doesn't come naturally to me, and what does come naturally to me is not acting like a person if that makes sense?

For some background information: until I was around 4 I was being raised as an animal. I wasn't taught language or how to play or whatever kids typically learn in that time period. I was kept with a cat or two, not given clothes, punished if I made too much noise, etc etc. Feeding was either whatever they threw on the ground or they'd pin/tie me down to force feed me.

I won't go into any more detail because there's a LOT but after that I was raised in a household that at least expected me to act human (though they... the woman who ended up raising me post-original household believes I'm an alien and does what she can to limit my experiences with other humans and typical life experiences because she believes it will help keep me "pure"). Growing up I spent majority of my time in a forest alone because I couldn't hang out with other kids (not that they wanted to be friends with me).

Anyways even though I know better, the only way I really feel comfortable in my body is when I don't act like a proper human. I have to force myself to walk and move properly and even to this day talking hurts my throat. I have dreams about just being some creature in a vast forest and (something I don't like to share because it's not good) dreams of killing things with my hands and teeth and eating that.

Moving around on all fours (not hands and knees though) and climbing and all that is how I my body naturally wants to exist. My ears move according to sound, my sense of smell and hearing are stronger than average, and I've gotten comments of people asking me if I've done parkour (though I have never done so) when I feel safe enough to climb around and stuff.

I've never felt human and the idea of living the rest of my life as such just makes me feel so.. empty. I've always felt like humans are a different species to me, and I know that's probably due to a lot of my oddly specific trauma and how I was raised. I also have brain damage (it wasn't checked up on though so I don't have much info about it) and C-PTSD and I sometimes wonder if I'm autistic.

Do you have any resources or tips for this? I want to feel more like a real person but my dreams and wants in life is barely more than having a safe place to stay and food to eat (<- I've eaten... more raw meat than I should. I don't do it on purpose though! I've been buying dried meats to help curve the whole raw meat thing) and things like that. If I could be someone's house pet I'd be satisfied with that life, though I wish I was joking.

It's got nothing to do with kinks or whatever (though I am not judging people for that), I'm aroace and have never felt any sexual in my life. I just feel more comfortable when treated like an animal and being around animals than I ever have around humans. Thought I've spent years trying to fix myself, my brain still does humans==danger -_-

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through.

Your ask is quite similar to this one I answered.

I admit I was trying to help find resources but wasn't sure what to look for. I was searching for dehumanization but none of the resources that popped up seemed fitting. And then of course there's the whole feral child discussion, but it doesn't feel like such a term is respectful.

Take my thoughts with a generous grain of salt because I am not a professional and have little experience with situations like this. But based on the way that I am processing this, I would say that it's worth exploring whether or not these behaviors are something you should continue doing. Because I think to a degree, society is very rigid and ignorant to situations like these where it makes sense why you behave the way you do, and will instead cast judgment and discrimination on you without consideration or closer examination. So to a degree, perhaps it's partly society's problem that they fail to understand or respect the way you were simply raised to live. Besides eating raw meat, it sounds like behaving naturally for you may not be that harmful. I think it's okay if your dreams and wants in life are really just to have a safe place to live and eat. I think it's okay to want to be a kind of house pet. There are ways in which that could work functionally and healthily.

But at the same time I'm not sure if these are healthy to engage in, and whether embracing more human expectations is possible given what you have learned on a fundamental level. I'm not sure if "acting human" would benefit you or not. Mainly, I just am trying to think of why you should not engage in these animalistic behaviors that come naturally to you, what harm it's doing, and the only thing I can really think of is that society expects you to be something different, which as an autistic person I don't see as a legitimate reason. But I could be entirely missing other factors.

I think that ultimately this is something to talk about with a mental health professional such as a therapist. There is really only so much that I as a non-professional volunteer can say or do, and especially with things that have shaped you in your formative years, that can take a more expert approach. I believe that you deserve the best care available, and so if therapy is accessible or affordable for you, and if you don't have it already, it may be a helpful way to process these experiences and learn whether you should embrace these animalistic tendencies or conform to human expectations.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw emotional abuse

0 notes

midnightcowboy1969 · 2 years ago

Text

I can't stop thinking about this

#abbott is so milfy here #tw for period-typical ableism #also phrenology???

2 notes · View notes

moonshadowed · 3 years ago

Text

20TH / 21ST CENTURY VERSE.

Are you one of my mutuals from one of my other blogs that got suckered into following this one despite knowing nothing about sci-fi interested in interacting but not sure if you’d want to do a sci-fi au? Do you want to throw our characters into new and different situations?

Then look no further than this masterlist, detailing what each character does in a 20th / 21st century verse under the cut!

cws for: mentions of ableism, racism, sexism, the Holocaust / Nazis / antisemitism, an antiquated derogatory term, a drug reference, and parental death. Please stay safe!

JEAN-LUC PICARD.

An archaeology professor (who also dabbles in classics, history, and anthropology, as archaeology often doesn’t have its own department and he does have a wide breadth of interests), who is also in charge of a local / community theatre troupe, The Players Enterprise. This troupe is populated largely by his ex-students and his friends turned found family (in other words, the 20th / 21st century au Enterprise crew). He serves as director, stage manager, and, on occasion, actor! As he doesn’t have the stress or trauma of command, he’s more at peace and more inclined to laugh and smile more, joke more freely / be a little sillier, and his kindness and warmth would be even more evident, as would his love for the troupe and his students.

WILL RIKER.

In the forest service / forestry somehow no matter the verse (think anything from a tree surgeon to a gardener / landscaper to a lumberjack to a park ranger / forestry manager, basically anything outside and outdoorsy) who moonlights as a jazz musician (which is his true love). He works local gigs at restaurants / taverns / bars and concerts, and met Picard through taking his classes (and other classes at the college he works for). Has been his “Number One” right hand at the theatre troupe (and one of his favorite actors) ever since! Like Picard, he’s also more lighthearted and feels more free to joke around, and is quite well-liked in the local community.

GEORDI LAFORGE.

Another ex-student of Picard’s, after graduation Geordi went into education and became a teacher (most likely early education, but he could and does work with a wide variety of kids). He also enjoys building model ships, helping with props for the theatre troupe (as well as turning his hand to acting), tinkering with electronics and machinery, and is legally blind and low-sighted. In his twentieth century verse in particular he is a fierce advocate for disability rights, especially when it comes to access to education and equal opportunities. He had to fight for what he acheived (being a blind teacher isn’t easy) and is boundlessly kind and welcoming, and won’t let anything stop him or get him down.

BENJAMIN SISKO.

Chef and proprietor of Sisko’s Creole Kitchen, the family business, Ben also coaches community baseball (Little League, a few more casual teams. and helps out with the community’s minor league team). He’s also a keen piano player and a skilled singer. He is also single father to his son, Jake, an aspiring writer who plays on his baseball team. His restaurant staff and regulars often overlap with the regulars at the local bar (which forms the 20th / 21st century au DS9 crew), and he loves them all dearly, and he takes in anybody who needs a hot meal and a place to sleep.

JADZIA DAX.

A graduate student at the local university and an aspiring astrophysicist, Jadzia has many interests. She loves music, enjoying playing with Benjamin and having a fondness for lost and obscure composers, has a talent for wrestling, gambling, and magic tricks, and enjoys gymnastics as much as puzzles. As they are in a male-dominated field, they’ve had to overcome a lot to get to where they are, but she possesses a maturity and a grace beyond her years so that not much gets her down.

KIRA NERYS.

Kira comes from a Jewish family in a Nazi-occupied country during World War II (most likely Poland, but debatably France, Slovakia, or the Soviet Union) who took part in the Jewish Resistence. Depending on the time period of the verse in question, she either fought in the Resistence alongside her family, or she was born after her family fled the country and escaped to their new home. She has a revolutionary spirit and is skilled in many forms of fighting, and is fiercely protective and radically proud of her heritage. She has no patience for intolerance or bigotry, and is a rebel and an activist. She is intimidating, especially at first, having learned to bite first, but she loves fully and wholly.

JULIAN BASHIR.

A young doctor fresh out of medical school, Julian is kindhearted, gentle, and enormously intelligent, if a bit unorthodox in his methodology and his treatment ideas (some have drawn the comparison between either a mad scientist or Doctor Frankenstein, and Julian takes these as compliments). He is naive, awkward, and boyish in some ways, but when it comes to his work there is no one better, and he is fiercely brash and stubborn when it comes to the wellbeing and safety of his patients and friends. He has faced a lot of racism and intolerance, particularly in the 20th century au where he is sometimes known by the epithet “the darkie doctor,” but he will continue practicing medicine for as long as possible.

MILES O’BRIEN.

Working in IT as a repair technician, Miles has done a number of odd jobs over his life and enjoys tinkering with both electronics and mechanics. Or rather, he says he enjoys it, even though you wouldn’t guess it by how often he winds up tearing his hair out over his assignments (and / or his clients). He loves his life with his wife, Keiko, and little girl, Molly, and is deeply devoted to the rest of the regulars at both SIsko’s Creole Kitchen, the local bar scene, and the Players Enterprise (he’s their resident techie, primarily in charge of lights, sound, and prop production and management), even if it took a while to truly bond with them and find his place there.

CHRIS PIKE.

Originally from Mojave, Chris lives in Bearcreek, Montana, a tiny town near Billings, where he runs a working ranch, teaching horseback riding and sustiainable agriculture. He especially loves connecting with local schools to teach about animal husbandry and gardening, and he runs a farm-to-table style restaurant in one of his barns (he, of course, cooks everything and sources everything locally). He’s a fan of the pig races, and for a long time things go smoothly. However, he ultimately meets with an accident that leaves him wheelchair-bound. However, he doesn’t give up his dream; instead, he doubles down on it. advocating for disability rights and education.

LUKE SKYWALKER.

Luke is a small town boy who never really left home. He took over his family farm with his sister, Leia, from their father, Anakin, who has been chronically ill for a long time though is slowly (but surely) recovering. Even so, Anakin can’t really work the land anymore, so in order to help with the farm work, and with everyday chores around the house, Luke and his father have built two droids, C-3PO and R2-D2. Luke has aspirations of getting off the farm someday, though, and supporting his family and seeing the world by being a pilot. Similarly, Leia wants to instill real reform by becoming a politician or some kind of local government official (she probably ends up mayor or a representative someday).

HAN SOLO.

The Skywalker family farm didn’t really need a farmhand, but they certainly weren’t going to turn Han away. Scruffy, rakish, and ever-so-slightly lazy, Han teaches the twins how to repair a lot of the busted-up old farm machinery and is particularly gifted at fixing cars (mainly because his old van keeps breaking down, it’s a miracle the thing is still on the road and it’s certainly not entirely legal), and when there’s a handyman job to do, Han’s usually the one to do it, as he did several odd handyman jobs, including doorknob repair, before he somehow wound up on the Skywalker’s farm. He says it’s just a job, that he couldn’t care less about what happened to the Skywalkers, but he’s beginning to feel like part of the family whether he likes it or not (it also doesn’t help that he has his eyes set on one of the twins). He also may or may not grow and sell weed on the farm, but that’s another story.

ADDITIONAL.

DAVID MARCUS is an ambitious, daring, and stubborn doctoral student working on dual science and engineering degrees

WESLEY CRUSHER helps out with the Players Enterpirse and takes classes at the university as a high schooler for college credit. His father, a professor and a dear friend of Picard’s, died when Wesley was very young, and he’s been raised by Beverly and the rest of the Players Enterprise for as long as he can remember

LYRINDA HALK is an adventure guide who works at or near the same place Will does, taking people on all kinds of thrilling expeditions and excursions

3 notes · View notes

citrineghost · 4 years ago

Text

Talking about disabled people

Why do abled people have literally no idea how to talk about disabled or chronically ill people? I don’t know but let me go over this for those of you who are abled and don’t understand

(For anyone using screen readers, the “abled person” lines have a red x next to them to indicate they’re not okay and the “disabled person” lines have a green check to indicate that they are okay)

(Also TW for ableism for all of the examples of what you shouldn’t be doing as well as fatphobia and body image for the section on stigmatizing appearance.)

Do not turn disabled people into inspiration porn.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: It’s so amazing that this disabled person has managed to get a job and get married even though they’re disabled and it must be really hard for them and all of the people around them

Why: You, as an abled person, are implying that it’s a miracle that a disabled person can have a happy life without being “normal”

✅ Disabled person: Seeing this other disabled person with a full time job and a love life makes me feel encouraged that I can be happy too despite my disabilities

Why: Disabled people often feel hopeless with their own disabilities because of the unhealthy perspective the abled world pushes regarding how disabled people must be miserable.

Do not mourn disabilities.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: This Youtuber I watch just came out about their disability. It’s just really sad. I can’t believe they’ve been dealing with this all without talking about it. They acted so happy all the time!

Why: Being disabled is not sad. We struggle with accessibility in a world that likes to marginalize us and that is the only sad thing about being disabled. Implying that it is sad that someone is disabled is to imply that you don’t believe they can achieve happiness or comfort because of it. The second part of this statement is problematic because it implies that disabled people can’t be happy or that because someone is presenting as happy that it must be a farce because disabled people are sad and miserable all the time, which is completely untrue.

✅ Disabled person: I just found out I have a lifelong disability and I’ve been having breakdowns about it for the last week because I’m afraid of what this means for me.

Why: Disabled people are allowed to mourn themselves and the struggles they face - because there are struggles to disability. However, this is different than when an abled person does so for many reasons, two of which I will cover.

The first reason is that disabled people are aware of the facets of their lives that may change. Someone with a degenerative disease may have to give up hiking or someone with a joint disorder may have to limit their knitting or drawing to save themselves from severe joint pain and inflammation. When abled people mourn disabilities, they are typically mourning perceived losses, which include things like romance, careers, and happiness, which are all things disabled people are perfectly capable of achieving. If you are friends with someone disabled, the only time you should be mourning their disability is if you are directing sympathy as a specific facet of it which they have brought up themselves before and which they have implied is acceptable to give sympathy for. This is something you’ll have to feel out with individuals because everyone is comfortable with different levels of sympathy and understanding about disability subject which may be touchy.

The second reason is that a large reason disabled people struggle on a day to day basis is due to inaccessibility and ableism that is only there due to an ableist society. For instance, a disabled person might find out they’re going blind and realize they will now have to learn to navigate a world where they can’t read signs without braille on them. They might find out they have become paralyzed from the waist down and will now have to use a wheelchair every time they’re out of the house, in a world where ramps and elevators are touch and go and where some places put illegal lock-and-key restrictions on elevators which can be dangerous for wheelchair users and physically disabled non-wheelchair users alike. As a disabled person, a large part of what looks like mourning disability is actually mourning their future of struggling with ableism. As an abled person, you don’t have any reason to mourn that. Instead, it is your job to fight for accessibility in any place you have influence.

Do not apply suffering to disabilities.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: I just found out my friend is suffering from autism.

❌ Abled person: Oh! I didn’t realize you were struggling with EDS.

❌ Abled person: Apparently my classmate has been fighting with chronic pain this whole time.

❌ Abled person: I talked with this guy who was confined to a wheelchair the other day.

Why: Disabilities do not inherently come with suffering. While many people do suffer from certain elements of their disabilities, it is not your place, as an abled person, to decide if that is the case for them. Saying that someone is suffering from whatever their disability is reinforces the idea that disabled people are weak, sickly, and miserable, which leads to other ideas like that our lives are inherently less valuable than abled people’s because all we do is sit around uselessly while we suffer.

In regard to the wheelchair example, specifically, this is a common issue. Abled people frequently refer to wheelchair users as being “confined” or some other equivalent. This is because abled people see a wheelchair as something that ruins mobility. They are comparing their own ability to walk on two legs all the time with no repercussions to what their life would be like if “confined” to a wheelchair. However, for those using wheelchairs, a wheelchair is actually improving their mobility. If someone is paralyzed, their use of a wheelchair makes it possible for them to leave bed and move around independently and leave the house when they otherwise might be unable to. For someone who has chronic fatigue or a heart condition or so on, using a wheelchair part time can make it possible to go out for long periods of time when they otherwise might not be able to stand for more than a few minutes without feeling faint or dizzy. Wheelchairs improve the lives of wheelchair users. If they were being “confined,” they wouldn’t be using them.

✅ Disabled person: I’m just really struggling with my EDS lately. I’ve been so inspired to draw, but my hands just won’t cooperate with me lately from the cold weather.

Why: Disabled people do struggle with some things regarding their disabilities. It is only natural that they will talk about these struggles when they are with someone they’re comfortable doing so around. This is usually a pinpointed struggle and not a blanket statement. Even if a disabled person makes a generalized statement about hating having a disability, it is well within their right to make that statement, while it is completely inappropriate for an abled person to make that comment for them.

Do not gatekeep or polarize the disabled experience.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: Our friend says she’s depressed, but I’m pretty sure she’s just saying it for attention. She seems fine whenever I see her.

Why: Mental illness is not the same for everyone. While one person with depression may be unable to drag themselves out of bed to get food, another person with depression might put on a full face of makeup and plaster on a smile every morning only to go home and collapse in bed at 4pm. They may feel completely empty the entire time they seem to be having fun. Or, if you can believe it, they might just be having fun. Depression is not “sad all the time” disorder. It’s deeper than that. If you can’t see evidence of the disorder someone has and you’re not A) their therapist or B) their doctor, mind your own business.

❌ Abled person: My classmate uses a wheelchair but I see him standing up out of it all the time. I don’t know who he’s trying to fool. He’s not sneaky.

Why: Wheelchair users do not always use a wheelchair because they are paralyzed or unable to stand or walk. Many people use wheelchairs because of physical weakness caused by disability, such as muscle atrophy, joint instability, or chronic pain that is worsened by walking or standing for more than short periods of time. There are also heart conditions such as POTS that make the heart rate go up by over 30 BPM by just standing, making the person suddenly feel lightheaded, risk passing out, or just plain exhausting them. Why a person uses a wheelchair is none of your business and it is not always as cut and dry as being completely unable to move without one. People who do not need wheelchairs do not use wheelchairs.

Do not stigmatize disability and physical appearance.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: It’s no wonder her joints hurt. It’s not a disorder, she just needs to lose weight.

Why: It is a common misconception that people struggle physically because of their weight. While this may be true in some cases, for those with disabilities, it is not. Abled people tend to get stuck thinking in the same direction. They think that weight is causing disabilities. In fact, it frequently goes the other direction. Disabilities often lead to weight gain. This can be caused by hormonal imbalances, muscle atrophy, and the inability to be as physically active as abled people. While people moralizing weight and being fatphobic is an issue in and on itself, it is especially dangerous and ableist when it leads to people’s disabilities being ignored, excused, or overlooked due to the way they look. This is a problem within the medical community especially, as doctor’s frequently won’t diagnose a disability unless their patient loses weight first to prove that the problem persists even when weighing less.

❌ Abled person: I would be depressed too if I was overweight and looked like her.

❌ Abled person: How can she be depressed? She’s gorgeous and has it all. How ungrateful can you be?

Why: Depression, as well as any other mental illness, is not cause or fixed by physical appearance. It is caused by trauma, pervading negative circumstance, or by an independent chemical imbalance in the brain that has not been caused by any environmental factors. Someone being attractive to someone else will not cure their depression. Their depression likely warps their sense of self worth anyway, so their appearance is irrelevant. A person being overweight or unattractive by your standards is not causing them depression unless they are being traumatized by fatphobia, to a degree that it is destroying their mental health. That’s not a problem with their appearance, it is a problem with fatphobes who see a person’s weight as determining their value.

❌ Abled person: She’s pretty but she’s crazy as hell.

Why: Aside from the obviously derogatory use of the word “crazy,” there is a lot wrong with this statement. The first thing is that it values a person based on her appearance and nothing else. The second thing is that it implies that her attractiveness is diminished because of a mental health issue. The third thing is that it implies her diminished attractiveness due to her mental health issue detracts from her overall value. People with mental health disorders can look like anyone else and their mental health does not take away from their value as a person.

Do not police disabled people’s self identifiers or labels.

Here’s the nuance:

❌ Abled person: You can’t call yourself a cripple, that’s an ableist slur.

Why: Disabled people can call themselves whatever they want to, actually. When someone uses a word considered a slur to self-identify, it is because they are reclaiming it. The same way Black people can call themselves the n word and white people cannot, the same way people can self identify as queer, disabled people are allowed to call themselves crippled, crazy, or any other previously condemned slur that they want to. Reclaiming slurs is a way to take away the power they have over people by those who wish to use them in a derogatory way.

❌ Abled person: No, we can’t go to that one amusement park. It has no accessibility options and my friend is crippled.

Why: The only time it is acceptable for an abled person to call a disabled person a slur, even one used as a self-identifier, is if that person has told them they can. Do not ever call your disabled friends by slurs, reclaimed or otherwise, unless you know for sure that they are okay with it. And do not ever call someone you don’t know by a slur even if you know another disabled person who has reclaimed it.

❌ Abled person: You shouldn’t call yourself an autistic person. We’re supposed to use person-first language.

Why: Person-first language (e.g. person with autism rather than autistic person) can be useful in some respects, but it is disregarded by many. If you are unsure if you should use person-first language, ask the individual you’re speaking to or about. For many, their disorder or disability is an important part of who they are and they prefer to use it as a self-identifier (e.g. wheelchair user, autistic person, disabled person, etc.) Whether you are abled or disabled, you do not have the right to take away a person’s self-identifiers, regardless of if the most popular, politically correct form of speech is different than what they use.

With this particular form of speech (person-first language), I would also recommend refraining from correcting other abled people as well. It is not agreed-upon across the board by disabled people, so it isn’t worth pushing for unless the person you’re talking to is clearly making a habit of dehumanizing disabled people. (Though this last part is only my opinion and not a hard fact.)

❌ (red X) Disabled person: Don’t call yourself crazy. It’s a slur and I don’t like it.

Why: While it is completely fine for a disabled person to tell others not to refer to them by slurs, as they have not reclaimed them, it is inappropriate for a disabled person to tell other disabled people not to self-identify with reclaimed slurs. This kind of request takes away the other person’s agency in removing the power of that slur over themselves and attempts to insist that they should regard it as something with power. If you are disabled and are triggered by a certain slur that someone you know self-identifies with, try approaching it from a more explanatory angle.

For example: I respect your choice to reclaim that word, but it’s something I am triggered by/uncomfortable with. Could you please try to avoid using it when I’m around?

From then on, it is up to the person reclaiming the slur to decide if they are willing to compromise. If they are not willing to avoid using it around you, it is your responsibility to distance yourself from them rather than try to police their language, so long as they are not directing the slur at you to intentionally make you uncomfortable or try to police your language.

✅ Disabled person: I know that we are both mentally ill, but I am not comfortable with being called crazy like you are. Please don’t call me that.

Why: Policing someone else’s self-identifying language and asking them to respect your own self-identifying language is very different things. Every disabled person has the right to ask others not to use reclaimed slurs on them, as these words have a rocky past and many disabled people have been oppressed and traumatized with these words in their personal lives. You should always respect others’ boundaries and self-identifiers.

Thank you for taking the time to read and educate yourself on appropriate language when speaking about people with disabilities!

If you have questions, feel free to reblog or reply. If you are also disabled and disagree with any of what I said, or if you’d like to add something I missed, please let your own voice be heard as well.

I encourage you to start reply chains instead of all reblogging separately, because with long chains of additions, it’s easier for people to see all of the important additions in one place. So, check out the notes and see if there are other points you agree with and want to include in your own reblog!

177 notes · View notes

andytheaspec · 2 years ago

Text

In honor of disability pride month, i'd like to talk about my own chronic pain. although i'm not sure that fibrocystic breast syndrome (which i will call fcbs for the sake of brevity) is classified as a chronic pain condition, it affects my life as chronic pain and that seems like the best way to describe what it is in my life.

Tw for descriptions of violence to describe pain, slight internalized ableism, chest binding, slightly unsafe chest binding, and talk of menstrual cycles and female health

I was diagnosed with fcbs when I was 13. I woke up one morning with a piercing pain in my left breast, as though someone had stabbed me and twisted the knife. I thought I was having a heart attack, even though I didn't have any symptoms and it wasn't the same type of pain. After the original panic had subsided, I thought it was a tumor. My doctor looked at my breast and decided she should do an exam to determine what exactly it was. She knew it wasn't a tumor because tumors don't hurt and their size doesn't fluctuate.

After the exam (which was basically just her touching and squeezing my breast) she told us that it's fibrocystic breast disease. We call it fcbs because it behaves more like a syndrome in that it's non-infectious, it's uncurable, and it's not terminal. It's really a chronic syndrome.

The pain and size of the cysts got worse with my period. And now my body basically has an alarm system for when my period is about to start. I typically just take a pain killer and skip PE to deal with it.

After a few (nearly 6) months of just dealing with it, I decided to do some research. For a few (no more than 3) months before my diagnosis, I was binding by wearing two sports bras. After my diagnosis, I still wore sports bras that I had bought with compression in mind. While researching, I discovered that wearing bras too often, or wearing tight bras, made fcbs more likely and much worse.

After discovering this, my mom and I bought bras that actually fit me, and I had what is genuinely my best day for chronic pain. So much pain went away that I thought I had found a cure. Sadly this wasn't the case, but a guy can dream.

Because of how my actions lead to fcbs being so much more likely, I blame myself for my chronic pain. I don't see any problem with this because I don't make myself feel bad for doing what I thought was a good idea, but I do take responsibility for what happened. I understand that this isn't the case for the supermajority of disabilities and chronic pain conditions. And I'm glad that it isn't, but it is true in my case and that's not a bad thing.

I'm still learning about physical and mental disabilities and chronic conditions, but if anyone has any questions about fcbs or anxiety, depression, adhd, and autism, I'd love to answer questions, direct you to someone who might know more than me, or research these together.

#andys tangents #disabled #disability pride #fibrocystic breast syndrome #female health #chronic pain

2 notes · View notes

cfkingdoms · 1 year ago

Text

toby regbo, genderfluid, they/she/he, 31 — dear all nations, AUGUSTUS has crossed the city borders to edinburgh to the sound of GROWING SIDEWAYS by NOAH KAHAN. the CROWN PRINCE of ENGLAND is known to be AGAINST making peace. THEY remind me of CLASPING A HAND OVER YOUR MOUTH TO MUFFLE YOUR OWN SCREAMING & THE BURN OF REJECTION AND THE BURNING IN YOUR LUNGS --THEY BOTH FEEL THE SAME BY NOW however did you know that THEY HAVE NO INTENTION TO REMARRY FOR THE SAKE OF ALLIANCES?

tw for implied pregnancy loss, pregnancy, postpartum medical complications, spousal death, grief, mental illness, period typical ableism

STATS.

FULL NAME . augustus NICKNAME(S) . auggie AGE . thirty-one DATE OF BIRTH . july 14 MARITAL STATUS . widowed CHILDREN . wynflæd, 7 ZODIAC . cancer sun NATIONALITY . english GENDER . genderfluid PRONOUNS . they/them (default), she/her, he/him ORIENTATIONS . gay but shit happens RELIGION . christian LANGUAGES SPOKEN . latin, english, old saxon, french, german, frisian TATTOOS . none SCARS . several small scars from previous sparring bouts, a thin scar across the chin from a childhood mishap, a chipped left canine tooth from the same incident SLEEPING HABITS . struggles to stay asleep. a very light sleeper. tends to mumble, usually nonsensically. anywhere from 4-7 hours at a time EMOTIONAL STABILITY . 5/10 they uh...they try ALCOHOL USE . doesn't drink often, tends to overindulge in especially social settings POSITIVE TRAITS . compassionate, protective, meticulous NEGATIVE TRAITS . harsh, impulsive, vindictive FEARS . failure. failing their daughter. failing their kingdom. failing to be what the people around them need. HOBBIES . drawing, reading HABITS . chronic nail biting, tends to bite at the skin on their lips, cracks their knuckles frequently FAVORITE WEATHER . thunderstorms FAVORITE COLOR . green FAVORITE INSTRUMENT . lyre FAVORITE BEVERAGE . ale like a weirdo FAVORITE FOOD . grouse FAVORITE ANIMAL . otters

BIO.

you're born with the world upon your shoulders, and in time the devil perches himself there, too. it's the only explanation you have. you're the first born son and for that you're sentenced to a life trying to measure up. and so you try. you do what you can. you become learned, educated to the best of the abilities of some of the finest minds in your kingdom. you're not as sturdy as your peers. you can't hit as hard and you don't take hits as well. but you've got heart, at least. you do what you can. you're betrothed to a girl in one of the more powerful families in your region, and. well. she's okay. the two of you get along.

you're shy of 17 when the cracks appear. you feel as though it comes on suddenly, the way a mania grips you tightly, leaving you agitated and paranoid for days or even weeks at a time, often up until exhaustion drags you under, your mind too ragged to continue on high alert. at least in those days you can, at times, be roused to your duties. in the days that the exhaustion truly takes you, you feel as though each step is lead, each daily task you usually approach with ease now a mountain you must scale. you do what you can to push through, ignore it, proceed on as you always have. but you're only human. by now, it's not much of a secret you're...delicate.

you'd worried, when the fits had begun, that everything would crumble. your betrothal would be rescinded and, though you don't hold affection for her in the way you know you should, it would spell the beginning of disaster. no one else would betroth their daughter to a madman, you'd die with no legitimate heirs, the crown would go to your brother of all people...calamity.

but she surprised you. she did that a lot. god rest her soul, you loved her. she lit no fire in your soul, there was no passion in your gaze, but the devotion planted itself all the same. she called, and you came. she needed, and you would provide. she stayed at your side, encouraged your, ahem, wandering eye --she knew, of course she did, it was something you couldn't bear to keep from her-- and in turn you allowed her her own freedoms. marriage was strategic, but in it you found a lifelong companion just as dear to you. you settle in to married life. of course you both know what's expected of you now. you know from here comes children, a continuation of the line. and so.

life, you find, rarely works on a perfect schedule no matter how badly you want it to. honestly, when it affects you the first time you're surprised by it. children had been something you'd planned for simply because you must. when, finally, all goes well and your daughter is born, you're overcome by how strongly this hits you. you've never loved anyone the way you love wynflæd, and honestly you don't think you ever will. for as much as you do love and care for her mother, it pales in comparison.

it feels fitting that calamity never left you, simply bided its time. the pregnancy had been no easy deal, the birth anything less than arduous, and though you'd both assumed with rest and time she would improve, she just...didn't. she was tired, constantly, often complained of a shortness of breath, pressure in her chest, and began experiencing dizzy and fainting spells. the healers could do little for her, treat the pains and bring her to when her head swam but as for clearing the malady? it seemed no such cure could be found. the two of you just...adjust. you find yourself doing most of the care and the work, insisting on letting her rest. you'd hardly call it a hardship. you settle into fatherhood so much easier than you'd thought you would. the fits...complicate matters, but you're a prince. it's not as though the two of you are alone. you can do this.

it finally takes her, in the night. you're the one to find her, because she's right next to you. she's your wife. and now she's left you to raise a young girl who doesn't understand where her mother has gone, just knows she has left but everyone else who has left before has come back. you don't know how to explain it to her. she's just past her third birthday. should you even explain it? it feels more cruel to let her hold out hope that today will be the day her mother returns. you know the grief affects her too, even if she doesn't understand the concept of forever yet. neither of you sleep well, she throws tantrums and demands to see her mother, demands she come back home. you try to keep telling her it won't happen. you're not sure which of you hurts more each time you say it.

still, the years progress. winnie grows up, and she looks more like her mother with each year. acts more like her, too, though others are quick to point out the roll of her eyes and the scoff are, in fact, your own hallmarks. she's a small thing, but ferocious. by her own accord, she's got a bow in her hand more often than a quill, and she's taken the hint and finally stopped asking but you see the way her gaze lingers on the swords and daggers other sharp, shiny things. it's one of the few things you've been firm on. when she's older, and not a moment before. you repeat it like a mantra. when she's older. when she's older. she just keeps getting older.

#nomad.intro

1 note · View note

hithelleth · 4 years ago

Text

World on Fire S1

I found this show by accident because there are Brian J. Smith and Max Riemelt in it (and you know me), although the latter’s character is someone I’d like to strangle every time he’s on the screen. It also has Helen Hunt and Sean Bean starring in prominent (and excellently performed) roles. And for a cherry on top, Arthur Darvill turned up in episode 5 for an utterly pleasant surprise!

So, starting but not limited to these five, the cast is fantastic and it shows all around.

Even better, characters not only throw in a phrase or two in languages other than English, but actually hold entire conversations in Polish, German, and French, which made my linguist heart very happy.

Unlike most WW II movies and shows that usually deal with 1-2 sides/aspects and/or centre on one event, World on Fire takes on the war across Europe, from multiple sides, and it seems to be set up to span the entire war – if it keeps getting renewed, of course.

I loved that it also doesn’t fall into simplistic story-telling with the typical divide of the good guy allies and bad bad Nazis, but isn’t afraid to tackle a broader spectrum of all sides, from pointing out how the Nazis terrorised their own people, calling out Americans for the eugenics theories they invented to classism and racism in allied/British forces, among other complex issues like ableism, post WW I traumas, the reality of battlefield, etc.

I could go on and on, but then I would spoil everything with too many details.

Let’s just say, most of the characters are very well-developed, complex, multidimensional, (and, hence, sometimes or even often not necessary likeable as people) and I especially loved how as the show progresses the connections between these characters, scattered all over Europe, are revealed bit by delightful bit.

All in all, World on Fire is a very nuanced show with good representation. It has already been renewed for S2, which I am definitely going to come back to. And if they continue the way they started, I am more than ready to watch another 4 or however many seasons it takes them to cover the entire war (I guess that’s what they are planning to do) no matter how long it takes (because it’s BBC.)

After a long time, this has been a show that completely captured my attention (I did not do anything else during watching it), and I definitely recommend it (if WW II and/or period drama is your thing – obviously the usual TWs for such things apply.)

#World on Fire #wof s1 #wof meta #my meta: wof #tv show rec #tv shows talk

1 note · View note

proudfreakmetarusonikku · 2 years ago

Text

whoops wrote some stuff for “c!benchtrio in a sleepy 80s town where every myth is real and no one is normal” au. yes the cabinet is polybius. of course it is.

TW: period typical ableism, references to period typical homophobia, mind control, referenced kidnapping.

tommy loved saturday.

one, it meant he was off school. school was a fucking hell system designed to tear out the individuality of kids and turn them into little worker drones- at least, that was what wil reckoned, and wil was probably the smartest person in town by account of haunting the shit out of everyone over the past few centuries, so tommy believed him. besides, he struggled to sit still for long enough to write, and tubbo couldn’t read the words, so they spent most of their time staring at each other in detention anyway.

but that wasn’t the main reason. the two of them skived off school half the time, though in their defence it’s kind of hard to go when you’ve got seven government conspiracies, three independent mad scientists, several different types of aliens, at least one fae court, and whatever the fuck sam was on your tail 24/7. honestly, being kidnapped by half of them was probably better than an english lesson where the teachers shouted at him for writing in the proper british way he was taught instead of suddenly switching to the dumb american shitty way. his organs might have been rearranged last time he'd gotten abducted by a flying saucer, but at least that meant he looked cool on x-rays.

no, the real reason saturday was great was that saturday was arcade day.

if tommy wasn’t religious, he'd call the local arcade his church, but that felt disrespectful to Her Lady Prime (though, considering the amount of gods he'd met in sleepy l'manberg he was convinced that there was probably enough gods in oregon every video arcade had one). still, he approached the day phil would drop off him and tubbo at the doors for a whole day with reverence, and as the man who was not his father (he actually wanted him) dropped them off, he handed them enough coins for an extra with a wink.

that was another reason tommy loved saturday. school didn’t really accept local cryptids, unfortunately, but with a mask, hat, and a long enough skirt, ranboo could blend in as a weirdo teenager instead of a local nightmare. besides, he liked the flashing lights.

ranboo was in first, as always, and rushed tommy and tubbo into a big, big hug the second they entered the doors. he knew when phil dropped them off, and had started waiting to ambush them.

“ugh, gross, man,” tommy said, not sounding annoyed at all. “we're twelve now. too old for little kid cuddles.”

“why?” ranboo’s voice had a vibration to it like an insect. it made tommy feel comforted.

“because you get beat up if you're weird, y’know!” tommy flushed. “i don’t wanna get beat up, fucker.”

tubbo raised an eyebrow. “tommy, have you met a normal person in this town?”

“well, no-“

“there. look, are we going to play some pac-man or not?”

“ugh, no!” tommy said, giggling as he pushed the other boys away. “pac-man is so uncool. now, frogger? that, man, is truly radical.”

ranboo blinked. “what’s a radical?”

“it’s just one of tommy's weird big kid terms, boo.” tubbo said, ribbing ranboo and grinning at the disgusted face tommy made. tommy didn’t have any issues with, y’know, those sort of people. people who got mad at boys kissing boys were stupid. the issue was that tubbo was far too young to be flirting with anyone. that stuff was gross. “he just wants to be cool, y’know. that’s why he’s got that stupid mullet.”

“mullets are so cool, fuck you,” tommy said, sticking out his tongue in a not at all childish way. “anyway, now are you two gonna go all K-I-S-S-I-N-G, or will you- oh my Prime, what the fuck is that?”

every machine in the building was empty of players. all except one, a blank looking cabinet, which had a line that looked a million billion miles long.

ranboo raised an eyebrow. “good game, i guess?”

“no game is that good. not even frogger.” tommy shook his head. “that’s like… remember when that fucking weird government dude had all those pills and shit? that made you all fuzzy and do what they say?”

tubbo gasped. “you can’t say that, tom! you know he has memory issues. stop being a dick.”

“fine! sorry.” tommy threw his hands up in frustration. “but anyway, you see that blank fucking stare on their face? well, most of there’s, purpled seems fine but he's got the whole being not human thing going. that’s the look ranboo had when that dream fucker gave him the pills. that’s mind control, innit?”

“don’t remind me of dream,” ranboo said, growling.

“oh, yeah. sorry man.”

“anyway… do you think that might be involved? if it’s to do with governments… i'd rather not get cut up by a lab, thank you. we need to stop it.”

“chill out, ranboo, being cut up isn’t even that bad if they give you proper painkillers and shit,” tommy said, ignoring the weird stares ranboo gave him because of that. “besides, y’know i'll never say no to uncovering some secret truth. it’s almost as fun as frogger. tubbo?” tommy paused, turning to his other best friend. “uh, tubbo?”

there was a far away, dreamy look in tubbo’s eyes. not those of brainwashing, but desire. “i want to take that thing apart,” tubbo said, sounding overjoyed. “i need it. i need that beauty so bad.”

well. it was better than the barrels of radioactive material he'd seen tubbo carry into the shed. tommy couldn’t deny that. “then, let’s go figure shit out, then.”

#my writing #dream smp au #c!benchtrio #tw ableism #tw referenced homophobia #tw mind control #tw referenced kidnapping

27 notes · View notes