#TW Mention of Suicide Attempt

[perfectlysunny02]

🤫❤️‍🩹👀

im always excited to read ur writing 🩷

thank you!🩷

🤫- "You tried to kill yourself, Evan. I don't think we can just ignore that any longer."

"I tried to kill myself because of you! And I find it incredibly ironic you refuse to ignore it when you have ignored me my whole life. So no, I don't want to discuss this with you, and I think you should leave. Go."

❤️‍🩹- And when he drops Evan off from that bar and gets him into bed, Tommy has to make himself leave. This isn't his place anymore, and he's sure Evan only called him because he's drunk, not because he actually wanted Tommy.

He doesn't hear from Evan for another two weeks.

👀- "God," Eddie breathes, his breath hitching as his thumb brushes Buck's bulging cheek. "God, you look so fucking... you look so fucking hot, goddamn. I-"

Buck hums slightly, feeling slightly more settled into his skin. He knows how to do this, this he's good at.

[beriandcharts]

name something your muse regrets.

Headcanon/Development Questions

Under the cut due to triggering content being mentioned

Nami's biggest regret is the first time that she trusted someone to help her. She was infiltrating a marine base, and was 15 at the time, though she told everyone that she met that she was 18. As she was after something specific, she was there long term, playing the part of a new recruit.

She met a young marine who was several years older than her named Carter, as she got to know him, flirting on and off, she grew to like him. As time went on, that crush grew into something more and she decided to one day tell him about what Arlong was doing. This was shortly after her 16th birthday.

As a result, upon learning that technically Nami was a pirate, Carter decided that she needed to be punished for her deceit. He threatened to have her arrested and thrown in prison, upon her pleading that she would do anything he took advantage of her. She does not dwell on the memories of her assault often, as it drags her right back to that day.

The worst part of the whole situation was the fact that she is unsure if the assault resulted in a pregnancy. There was a time where she had missed her monthly, and the fear of carrying her assailant's child drove her to attempt to take her own life. As she was still at the base she was taken to the medical wing, and because they were known to be close Carter was called down.

Her biggest regret was telling him about Arlong and expecting him to actually help her, and that she trusted him so easily.

[explodcor]

Anonymous said: "If Izuku had jumped off the roof that fateful day, I bet you wouldn't have even cared one bit."

Katsuki sucked in a deep breath and let it out. "Do you honestly fuckin' think that if I knew Izuku would've actually had one inkling of wanting to jump that I would've even said that shit to him?"

"That dumbass is one of the most stubborn and mentally strongest people I know. Any time I knocked him down to distance myself from him, he'd come running at my back."

"Of course, it was way out of fuckin' line, and I've regretted saying that shit the moment it left my mouth, but I was too damn caught up in my ego problem to admit that out loud." He glared at the greyface. "Not that you'd give a fuck, but on the off chance that I was wrong about his mental state, I actually went back and made sure he didn't take the stairs to the damn roof. I would've went and stopped him before he tried some stupid shit like that."

[queenhollyberry90]

Chapters: 24/? Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Relationships: Reiner Braun/Original Female Character(s), Porco Galliard/Original Female Character(s)

"Reiner!" The voice is cheerful and happy as it calls out his name. Turning around, Reiner feels small and twelve again, looking at a man who is undeniably his father. He looks almost the same as he did the last time he saw him, only now his hairline has receded further, and his stocky frame has become a husky one. His father grins at him and begins walking toward him; the Marleyan officer he was standing next to grabs hold of him, preventing him from moving closer to him. (Despite the curse being gone and Eldians having stopped the Rumbling, many in Marley still distrust them, so Calvus has ordered protection for the refugees to ensure none are unduly harmed and attacked). "Mr. Braun, this man is saying he's your father and is here to see you." The officer says. Reiner feels his mouth drying and can hear his heart pounding furiously against his chest. His friend's eyes are on him, looking at him curiously. They have met his mother and have heard the whispers from the refugees. His status as a bastard is no secret, but his father's identity looms large over him and his mother. The rumours have always been that he is either the son of a married man or was born from rape, with the former being the more popular one, given that Karina always refused to name his father. If he had been born from rape, she could have reported it and would have gotten justice. Unless the man is Marleyan, a few would whisper, and those that did were right to a degree. His father is Marleyan though he was not born from rape, at least not that he has been told. "Can't you see the resemblance?" His father huffs, his voice full of indignity. "We look practically identical. Sure, he has his mother's colouring and the Eldian nose. But still, everything else is all me." He grins and gestures toward Reiner. It makes him feel sick as well as self-conscious about his nose.

[letsplaythermalnuclearwar]

hey you know what would be like. the WORST possible thing? if no time had passed for mortals during God Games. if the entire time, Odysseus had just been frozen on that ledge. and at the start of the Vengeance Saga, Ody's still on the ledge. he looks to the skies, to the trees, out over the ocean. he looks for an owl with knowing eyes and strains to hear her voice over the waves, because surely, surely she'd come for him. the haven't spoken in nine years and he ruined whatever relationship they had when he stupidly, foolishly let the cyclops live, but she has to still care, right? she was his mentor. she was his patron. he meant something to her. he's sure of it

but she's not there. he waits, but she's not there. he closes his eyes, sparing himself the view, and steps off the ledge

and is saved by Hermes. and Odysseus briefly thinks that he has died, since Hermes escorts souls to the underworld. but Hermes assures him that, no, he's alive, Athena heard him, she bargained with Zeus, he can go home now. he can finally go home

his friend came through

[factual-fantasy]

Okay so I did some research on Seam and realized that it would be a crime to not add him to my AU in someway where him and Jevil reconcile and they escape to the multiverse together and are free and they're best friends and- 😭😭😭

I had a dark story all thought up for this but half way through drawing I changed the story so this isn't really canon anymore?? Or it might be idk- my Deltarune AU is only a few days into development so its constantly changing <XDD Sorry-

If anyone's interested in the story I've got it below the Keep reading :}} (Fair warning, its rather dark and disturbing..)

TLDR: This story is super dark and interesting to me but it might not be canon XD

ANYWAYS! The story behind this was Jevil and Seam come from a very dark and corrupt AU. Ruled by an even darker and wicked King (Lancers dad). In this AU they were Kings royal Magician and Jester as per usual. They were best friends though and preformed these beautiful displays of magic together. Side by side, hand in hand. They were best friends for years and always dreamed of one day running away together and finding a safe place to live.

Eventually Jevil met someone. Someone who spoke of a way to leave this place. They spoke of walking through your own reflection. And if done right, one could leave their AU entirely.. Jevil believed them out of desperation and tried to tell Seam about it. Seam thought Jevil was losing his mind. Walking through your own reflection? That makes no sense..

King caught wind of them plotting to escape. And as punishment to both of them he commanded Seam to lock Jevil away using his own magic.

In Seams eyes, Jevil was his best friend. His brother, the only thing in this world that he could trust. But he was more afraid of what King would do to him or Jevil for disobeying him, then he was willing to stand up against him. So while believing Jevil was sick in the head and needed help, he acted out of cowardice and sealed Jevil away..

I'm thinking that eventually sometime later, Jevil is able to escape through his own reflection. A mirror. And either he goes back and sees Seam dressed in these beautiful robes and thinks "well the king must be treating him well. Guess I'll just leave him to reap the benefits of betraying me.. >:(" And leaves with a bitter heart. THAT, or he just left. Never going back to check on Seam or see if King was treating him well or not.

So the AU continues. With Jevil traveling from world to world, meeting new people and learning new things.. When eventually he's with the whole gang and they're all sitting in a restaurant or something.

When Jevil suddenly feels this overwhelming sense of doom. Something horrible is about to happen to Seam. He just knows it, its in his bones. Deep within his soul he can feel it. He knows- he needs to save him.

He falls back out of his chair into a mirror and heads straight for his old AU. Showing up just in time to stop Seam from.. well..

They end up talking. Turns out that after Jevil was imprisoned, Seam tried to sneak down to the basement and visit him. He wanted to apologize for imprisoning him and explain himself- but he was caught by King.

"I just wanted to see him!"

"For that I will take your eye."

"NO! Please don't take my eye!!"

"For talking back, I will take your voice too."

King took Seams eye and stitched his mouth shut. He could still talk but not very well. To make things worse, when Jevil escaped? Seam thought he had died. Why wouldn't he? His magical barrier was never broken and Jevil was gone. Surly he must have died somehow.. Meanwhile everyone else was under the impression that Seam let Jevil escape because they were friends.

Seam then suffered greatly for years as punishment for "letting Jevil escape". He was bound by these magical chains made by King. He was abused for years and at this point he had enough. But before he could do anything rash.. Jevil returned.

Jevil then felt the sinking horror realizing that he left Seam alone in this world to be abused by King. He abandoned him. After all those years of promising to one day run away together..

Seam betrayed Jevil, and Jevil abandoned Seam.

After realizing all of this and having a long emotional talk. Seam and Jevil deeply apologized to the other, and forgave each other. Marking the beginning of their new friendship. And despite Seam feeling like he doesn't deserve freedom, he agreed to run away with Jevil and finally be free with him.

~~~~

Now this story is super cool and morbid and all but now I'm questioning the story and wether or not I want it to be canon <XD

I have some other ideas that I really like too and this one is just a biiiiit dark... ish. I mean I've made worse- but idk I guess this one just has a bad taste to it..

I also like the idea that Seam has been with Jevil this whole time and was the first person he saved. Which motivated him to try and save other people and give them the same freedom that he gave to Seam. But then that would change the Grillby fight and Spamton situation a bit and also maybe effect the Goner kid situation- GAH!! I'll figure it out eventually- <XDD

I hope this wasn't too hard to stomach and if you read all the way through I thank you :}} 💖

[oatmealdaydreams]

Noticed some cool things from the backgrounds!

Warning: mention of suicide attempt, religious themes, mention of manipulation

Janus, Remus, and Virgil all have X's BUT the Others don't

^maybe to symbolize the Darks (current and former)

Remus, Janus, and Patton all of the Scales of Justice

Roman has a hair-and-crown (to symbolize himself) & Janus ALSO has it (to symbolize their connections, perhaps?) & Remus does too (symbolize him and Ro being bros?)

Roman has a pawn [chess piece]

BOTH Re's and Jan's background are the exact same (minus the colours)

Both Re and Jan have the hair-and-crown (Roman), the graduation cap (Logan), and the Scales of Justice (Patton)

^this may symbolize their connections to those characters, as well as their similarities to them in function and how they act

Re and Jan don't have any sort of thing to 'call their own', sharing backgrounds and little symbols with the other Sides

Logan has the graduation cap (to symbolize himself and the efforts of Thomas getting a college degree) [shares this with Jan, as mentioned above]

Logan has the angry eyes, possibly to symbolize his connection with Orange (no one else has them)

Logan has a LOT of things that the Others don't and they represent him: the light bulbs, the computer, the question mark, the exclamation mark (which may also allude to Orange), the E=mc^2, the glasses, the math thing with the division sign and the x, the ABC's, and the three little things that I can't tell 100% what they are

^this may show how much Logan truly is, how important he is, cause he has the MOST things out of all six of them

Virgil shares only the X with the two Darks, otherwise has every other thing to himself (represents himself)

Virgil has a semi-colon, a possible reference to him almost 'ducking out' but choosing to stay (which is a metaphor to suicide/choosing to live instead, to me)

Virgil also has what I think is the compound/science thing for cortisol (stress hormone; is the thingy associated with anxiety) [more like a simplified version of cortisol, unless I'm wrong]

Virgil has more little things: the storm cloud that's raining, the frowning 'smiley face', general raindrops/teardrops, the storm cloud with lightning coming from it, the skull, the broken heart, and the wavy lines which look like scribbles or waves (cause waves get chaotic in a storm, so yeah)

Patton shares the Scales of Justice with other Sides, but otherwise has his own things (for himself)

Pat has a rainbow, a dog, a heart, a medal, a cookie with a bite in it, a fruit slice (looks like a citrus fruit or orange??), the smiley face with a halo over it, and the holding hands

I find the fruit interesting, cause it looks like an orange or another citrus fruit

^perhaps some sort of connection to Orange? (or I'm just looking too deep into it and it's literally just a fruit)

The smiley face with a halo makes me think of Pat's religious themes/connection to Thomas' faith

ah yus, the medal for 'being good' (my interpretation)

Roman shares the hair-and-crown with other Sides, but he has some stuff for himself as well

Roman has the pawn chess piece, the knight chess piece (the horse), the sword (makes me think of a longsword), the castle, the ring (cause he's Romance/Passion), the shield, the flag, the trumpet, the ribbon, and the little gem/gemstone

^the shield and sword and knight chess piece makes me think of how Roman is supposed to be Thomas' hero (oops)

the sword also makes me think of the Sword of Damocles? for some reason??

the pawn chess piece cause Roman has been used and manipulated and played

things like the hair-and-crown, the trumpet, the castle, etc. may be referring to how Roman is The Prince (like how Remus is The Duke)

Just realized that Remus' and Janus' backgrounds may be the same cause they aren't as well known to Thomas as the Others are?? Like, yus the connections to Lo & Ro & Pat, but also they don't have anything of their own and EVERY other Side does??

^(am I reading too deep into this)

Also Jan and Re AND Pat sharing the Scales of Justice may allude to how both Jan and Pat are both parts of Thomas' moral views (in a way) and Re may be a part of how morals affect Thomas?? [a theory, maybe]

^like Pat is literally Morality, Jan is Self-Perseveration and has a hand in the morals department, and Re is Intrusive Thoughts (or at least, is the vessel Thomas' intrusive thoughts manifest through as Dark Creativity)

^but yeah, Re uses the morals and faith for his job as Intrusive Thoughts/as the vessel for intrusive thoughts

I probably read too deep it into this.

Anyway, love how you drew the characters. It's very cool art! Nice work, OP!!

Felt like going back to my roots and drew the Sanders Sides! I hope I finally did them justice. The series and the fandom means so much to me, even if I don’t think about them as much now.

All patterns in the background are from the merch store/Wiki! Not drawn by me.

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

It was only supposed to be a one-night stand (Part 1)

TW: suicide attempt, mentions of self harm, smut (kinda), yandere shenanigans

okay i mayyy have made this after like seeing a bunch of hot construction workers around my campus doing tinkering and shit and my saviour complex is also kinda flaring up too

and also this is my first ever cringefail yandere, he's not rich and he barely has connections and mans was suicidal

enjouy

Part 2

Everyone doesn't know why you didn't just block him, call the cops on him, or just... anything! You don't either.

This man has been following you around for months now. Leaving you flowers on your office desk, dropping parcels of gifts in front of your door, and visiting your workplace to give you boxes of freshly made takeout.

He's not much of a talker. Maybe it's because he can't exactly speak English well. But that was the only language he had ever spoken or written in before, as far as you know.

He's definitely intimidating everyone around you. Standing at an imposing height of what you think is 6'5, his back alone is usually enough to block the sun from your eyes. With his shaggy, brown hair covering his eyes, unkempt stubble covering his face and scruffy clothes; he usually wears an olive green shirt under his very worn chore jacket and a pair of shabby khaki pants. The man wears a pair of mildly tattered combat boots. He isn't ugly, perse, but he definitely isn't the standard of beauty in society. Your stalker has this rugged and disheveled vibe to him that some may like and most look down upon.

You think he's homeless, living in his beaten car and going to public gyms to shower. You've never seen him eating something he cooked himself, it's either he's eating something out of a styrofoam box, or a package good from convenience stores.

But he isn't unemployed. You know he is a construction worker, you caught him many times staring at you longingly as you hasten your pace, fleeing the soon-to-be shopping complex near your office. He was carrying a heavy set of wooden planks on his shoulder effortlessly, the stranger wiped his sweat using the back of his hand before adjusting his hard hat.

You didn't know that he worked in this field when you first met him. You always had a good heart... or at least a heart that simply cannot handle bystander guilt.

You were walking towards the subway one day, and it was late because you agreed to work overtime. The sky was pitch black, and the only thing that illuminated the path ahead was the lamps swarmed by millions of moths.

Entering the tunnel, there were only a few people around; either waiting for the train, for someone, or for a miracle. Regardless of what they're there for, they're all occupied in their own little world.

You were about to be immersed in the world of social media too, but your blasted phone died. So you're forced to stand in silence and become aware of your surroundings, nothing to numb yourself from the daily mundaneness.

And it was this awareness that led you to notice the man in the first place. You were guarded, taking a few steps away from him as he seemed extremely intoxicated. He was swaying and stumbling, in his calloused hand, held a brown glass bottle with liquid sloshing in it. The man was mumbling something, but it was too soft and incoherent for you to hear. He kept wiping his face using the back of his knuckles.

He, just like everyone else except you, is in his own personal hell too. He spared no attention for you or anything else except his own drunken stupor, so you deem it relatively safe to watch him from where you're standing. The stranger is your only source of entertainment at the moment anyway, the train is coming soon, so why not watch him for a bit more and laugh at him internally for being at his lowest? Certainly, it would never happen to you.

You were snapped out of your own thoughts when you saw him going dangerously close to the ledge, crossing over the yellow line. At the same time, the sounds of wind rushing and rumbling reached your ears, if he falls onto the rails, he will definitely be done for. You looked behind your shoulder and saw bright lights coming from one end of the tunnel, calculating that you only have a couple seconds to make your decision.

You shouted for his attention, catching it and a few others around you. He stared at you with bloodshot, glassy eyes. However, he lost his footing and was about to fall to his ultimate demise.

The adrenaline rush amplified by the roar of the train wheels made you propel your feet toward him. You stretched your arm, grabbed him by the back of his jacket, and yanked him out of the danger zone with all your might. It definitely wasn't easy to move this hunky mass at all, but you did. And you saved him just at the nick of time, as the train rushed by, blasting a gust of wind against the two of you.

You must have underestimated your strength because he was flung back at high speeds. He grabbed your arm by instinct, trying to re-balance himself, and brought you down to the grimy subway floor with him.

You groan as you rush to sit up, cradling the arm that made contact with the ground. Scowling at the stranger for pulling such a stupid stunt in his inebriated state, upset that now you had a few pairs of judging eyes on you. You froze when you saw his eyes though, a unique glimmer made its way to his dark irises. His mouth is slightly ajar, he is staring at you with such intense reverence and adoration which you mistake as a mere alcoholic's intoxicated stare.

You screeched when he suddenly emptied the contents of his stomach on your work blouse. Shouting angry curses at him as his head was slumped to the ground and his eyelids shut.

You got up and tried to swipe as much puke away from you as you ran to the train. The last you saw him that night was in an extremely pathetic state, unconscious in his own puddle of vomit, a bottle of booze rolling away from him. People either crossed over him or walked over his body, sparing a few glances of pity or contempt before boarding the train themselves.

You thought that you were never going to see him again, with that much alcohol in his system, you would be surprised that he could even remember his own name. And you couldn't be more wrong.

A few days after that, you were in the same station, taking the same train because your boss needed you to finish the report by that day. This time, you're exhausted. Not sleeping, eating or enjoying your hobbies puts a toll on your energy levels, what a surprise.

You were nodding off in the train, struggling to keep yourself awake.

Maybe if you let yourself doze off, you'll wake up just in time for your stop. And so, you did, you let yourself drift into slumberland.

It was a mistake.

You were harshly woken up with a torch shining in your eyes and a booming voice telling you that the both of you have to leave, as this is the last stop. Lifting your head from a headrest, which actually was someone's broad shoulder. But you didn't realize that.

You were still half asleep, groggily and hastily gathering your things, not registering that the employee was also referring to another person in your proximity.

You muttered a small good night to the staff before exiting the train, yawning and stretching. Smacking your lips as you realized that your briefcase wasn't with you, must've left it back on your seat. So you turned around and walked forwards, only to ram yourself onto what you thought was an oddly shaped pillar. Cussing under your breath as you stumbled backwards, rubbing your head.

You let out a shocked yelp when you realized that it's the man instead. You were about to say something to him but your eyes landed on his side; he was holding the suitcase for you.

You stammered a quick thank you as you snatched it away from him, picking up the pace as you walked away. Howeever, you heard footfalls behind you.

Looking over your shoulder, you saw him following closely behind.

Perhaps he is also looking for an exit, so you silently lead the way to the nearest opening. But as you walk, you start to wonder; did he purposely stayed on the train with you? If he had to go somewhere he would have gotten off by then, if this was his stop, he would have left before the lights went out.

Finally, having to breath in fresh air once you exit the dusty station, you turned to look at him. Trying to discern which way is he heading.

He isn't moving. The man stood next to your side, staring straight ahead. As if he's waiting for you to take another step. After a few more seconds of idling, he turned his gaze to you.

Understandably being creeped out by this, you told him not to follow you. He blinked a couple times before continuing to stare.

Sighing, you asked him if he is lost. And you got no response.

You asked him if he is stupid. And you got no response.

Not giving a shit anymore, you picked a direction and walked. It's a long walk home and there will not be any trains left until the sun rises. As expected, he followed you all the way.

He is useful in warding off midnight catcallers and other seedy individuals that hang around alleys and empty streets. Who wouldn't be wary of him? He looks like he could easily pick them up by the scruff and fling them to the rooftops. But that means he could do that to you too, and that isn't comforting to know at all.

You reached home after an hour and a half of walking. The man is still on your trail, crowding you around the door as you unlocked it. You opened the door and immediately slipped in, he tried entering as well but you slammed it against his face. He watches you lock and latch your door through the window, he placed his hand on the glass and clawed at it a bit. You simply drew the curtains shut, praying hard that he isn't going to be there by sunrise.

Your prayers wasn't answered because you decided to check up on him an hour later. You saw him laying on the porch with his eyes closed and that tugged at your heartstrings a bit.

Maybe it's the sleep deprivation that is lowering your inhibitions, or you're just lonely and he doesn't look half bad. It could also be the cold one you cracked open that's screwing up with your soberness. Either way, you would have given yourself shit for opening the door and letting him in your house while the world is still asleep. If you get murdered, at least you won't need to go to work next week.

It was a blur, you remembered bits and pieces of his hands roaming your bare back, his cock impaling into you as he sloppily kissed you from the jaw to your neck. How his rough fingers fondled your genitals and how you were gripping your bedsheets as if your life depended on it.

Bouncing on him while you shoved your tongue down his throat was fun, especially when he wrapped his hand around the back of your head, preventing you from escaping him. Feeling the pleasant pressure on you as he pinned you to the firm bed. It was kind of him to shield your head with his hand from hitting the bedframe while he plows you from behind, iron gripping your hips with the other.

You remember starting it, demanding that he gives you something in exchange for staying a night here, you remembered pulling him into a deep, passionate, drunken kiss before he has a foot into the living room. You didn't give a shit about knowing his name or if he had any STDs, you just need to release a lot of frustrations.

You woke up hungover, with you being the small spoon while he held you tightly in his strong arms. They were littered in old scars, some clearly self inflicted.

You turned your head to see that he's still asleep, soft snores escaping his lips. Annoying to some.

Squinting as you let the sharp rays of light stab your eyes, you saw that your clothes and his were strewn all over the bedroom, the door wide open with a stray shoe resting next to it's hinges.

You looked at the clock and realized that you're going to be late. Being the workaholic you are, you shook the stranger in your bed awake. He was groaning and quietly whining about not wanting to get up, but shuts up as soon as you hurled his clothes at his face.

He shot up and cowered behind his arms as you continued throwing his articles of clothing at him, telling him that he has to leave because you need to go to work.

While he's composing himself, you rush to the bathroom to take a quick shower, pretending the cold stream of water is washing away all your sins from the night before. You lather up some soap before scrubbing your skin, internally beating yourself up for your irresponsible choices.

A familiar pair of arms snaked around your torso as you're pulled back into a strong chest, a pair of lips decided to flutter smooches on your temple and ear. His hands explored your naked body, utilizing the suds and the water to give you that electrically tingling sensation.

Of course, this intrusion wasn't taken lightly. You screamed and kicked him out of the shower, telling him to leave your house. You caught a glimpse of his confused and crestfallen look in his eyes, paired with his dripping wet hair and sopping wet body.

You finished your business, threw on a set of fresh clothes and rushed out of the door. And definitely dragging him out of there with you too, not giving a crap that he was in the middle of wearing his shirt.

You ran as fast as you could, wanting to catch the next train. And so did he, he chased after you and squeezed himself into the carriage.

Everyone was also rushing to work, there were no seats left nor were there any standing spots. Shoulders were bumping shoulders and the shorter passengers were at an all time disadvantage. You couldn't reach the handles; but he could.

As the door closes, the man held you close to him and rested his free hand on the small of your back. To outsiders, you and him looked like a run of the mill couple having each other. They couldn't be more wrong, you don't even know a single thing about him.

You just endured it, having no choice but to stick next to him. He yawned and frowned, looking quite displeased that he was not in your bed. Well, that's his fault, no one forced him to follow you back home, and no one forced him to stick himself inside of you.

Among the busy chatter in the train, you and him stayed silent. Gradually feeling comfortable in each other's embrace.

You mumbled curses under your breath, he knows where you live and he is going to know where you work. Couldn't this year get any worse?

As soon as the doors open, you make a mad dash out of the station. Running as fast as you could, not caring who you had to shove to clear your way.

You never looked back, but you made sure to take as many detours as possible to mess with his direction if he somehow managed to catch up to you. But your lungs and your out-of-shape-office-worker legs can only take you so far, you reach a nearby tree in a park next to your building.

You panted as you scanned your surroundings, only seeing the elderly, children, athletic adults, and their pets. No sign of that man you slept with last night.

You took a couple more minutes to catch your breath, knowing fully that your boss would chew you up for being close to an hour late. Whatever, you're here now. Let's earn your salary.

So you walked, it's just a couple minutes away. Nothing else should go wrong today-

You had an incredulous look on your face when you saw him loitering at the entrance. Your colleagues glance him up and down, some admiring the way his muscles slightly stick out of his shirt, some wondering what an unkempt hunk like him is doing in front of such a corporate, sanitized venue.

There was no way to sneak past him, you just had to face him. It was... cute that his eyes lit up as soon as he saw you. So you sighed as you marched up to him, requesting him to leave you alone as politely as you could. There was an edge to your tone, he must either be oblivious to it or he's simply choosing to ignore the fact that you're unhappy with him here.

During mid-sentence, he presented you with a paper plate that had a hotdog on it. You were speechless, it had everything on it: ketchup, mustard, relish, pickles, mayonnaise, cheese, Jalapeño slices, onions, beef chili, and other heaps of things that you couldn't identify. With the number of toppings, you couldn't tell that it was a hotdog in the first place, it was just a mountain of random savory foodstuffs. Your eyes darted to his other hand, it also had a hotdog wrapped in a napkin, except his one only had relish.

"I didn't know what you liked..." He mumbled, voice so deep that you could feel the vibrations in your own chest. The man looked at you with hope, wanting you to accept the plate of everything as breakfast.

You shook your head and said you were late to work. Pushing him away from the door before entering the building, some of the topping amalgamations spilled onto his shirt. Probably staining it forever with its oil content.

He stood there with a frown, he craned his head downwards to stare at the spill.

Then, he looked back up to see that you were out of sight. His shoulders sagged as he placed his own hotdog on top of your plate of horrors.

The man walked away as he pulled out a plastic spoon that he tucked in his pocket, it was given to him by the vendor because it is impossible to eat your order with hands.

He began digging in, throwing one last glance at the main door behind him.

[a-sip-of-milo]

Nobody ever understands the affects of reactive abuse until they've experienced it themselves.

It shows particularly well when people would rather blame a child for reacting rather than the adult for abusing them in the first place.

When I was fourteen, my parents held me down to my bed, locked my window so I couldn't escape, took everything they knew I loved away from me (including contact with my grandmother, all my books, my music, all my diaries, etc.) and my step dad threatened to sit in the corner of my room and watch me for the entire night if I tried to escape. All while my three younger siblings watched me.

As a result, I had my first panic attack. It led me to attempting to break my window, smashing my mirror, becoming physically violent towards either of my parents when they attempted to come into my room, and nearly overdosing later that night after everyone had gone to bed.

For years, people ignored what I had gone through to get to that point. My parents had crafted such an elaborate story that painted themselves as the victims of my terrible abuse that nobody thought to question how I reached that point. Not the police. Not my school. Not even over half of my own family believed me. The extent of my suicidal ideations nearly put me in hospital multiple times over the following years, even succeeding once.

Reacting to abuse in this way is a cry for help. It's the equivalent of self-harm in my book, except directed towards others. That's not to say that it's okay, but more people seriously need to start looking at the bigger picture before making assumptions.

This blog is safe for people with NPD, BPD, HPD and ASPD.

[weird-an]

tw: mentioned suicide attempts, but Billy can't die, depression, drugs

Billy isn't sure he's alive, but he knows he can't fucking die.

The doctors call it a miracle, he thinks it's a curse. The wounds healed, turning into thin scars, starting to fade after a few days. All the pain becoming only a faint ache. Starcourt is a memory, a bad dream, a fucking joke.

It can't be right. He feels like he's dying, when he's back at Cherry Lane, when he's at home, but far away from California.

His skin feels all wrong, too tight, too cold.

Neil says he's glad Billy survived the "fire at the mall", but he isn't happy about the hospital bills. He's disappointed that all of this happened, but Billy still isn't a man, knows nothing of respect and responsibility. Beating are lessons, but not lasting anymore, the bruises are gone after an hour.

Neil notices. Calls him a freak, a monster - like he has ever seen a real monster, like he knows what it feels like to have one inside his head, like he doesn't see one in the mirror every day.

It's the last day of 1985. Billy can't fucking die.

He tried to using the gun Neil shouldn't have, he tried to using too many pills, he tried to let the Camaro's engine running until he couldn't breathe - but he always wakes up. Sometimes hungover, sometimes hurting, always not dead.

He sits on the Camaro's hood at the quarry, after snorting a line of coke and drinking a bottle of vodka. His heart races, but he still doesn't feel shit.

"Jesus, Billy." Harrington's voice is soft, almost worried. It makes Billy turn around, before he can help himself.

Harrington's got a freaking suit on, tie loosened, hair tousled. He looks as tired as the world is. As Billy is.

"That's one hell of a New Year's party," Harrington says.

"Fuck off." Billy looks away, before he can get lost Harrington's stupid big brown eyes.

"Still better than the Harrington's annual New Year's function." Harrington sits next to him on the car, his knee bumping against Billy's.

"Why are you here?" Billy huffs, staring into the dead of the night. He wants to tell him to piss off, too, but he can't. His pulse is thundering in his ears and he's pretty sure it's got nothing to do with the coke.

"I don't know," Harrington admits. "Maybe I'm... alone."

Billy gets that. He's been alone ever since she walked out of the door.

Harrington laughs and it's a bitter parody of what it should sound like. "I don't know, it's stupid."

"It's not." Billy makes the mistake to turn towards him. Steve is so close. Steve is so warm. "Not at all."

He feels like Steve just offered him a piece of himself and he should give something back, but all he's got to offer is worthless.

"You should stay away," he says, heart in his throat. "I'm a monster."

Steve shakes his head. A curl tickles Billy's skin.

"I've seen monsters and you're not one of them," Steve whispers. His breath is ghosting over Billy's mouth.

Billy shakes, letting go of the breath he didn't know he held. He leans forward, presses his lips against Steve's.

There are fireworks illuminating the sky, pink, gold and blue chasing the darkness away.

Steve kisses back. Billy's lips tingle.

It's the first day of 1986.

Billy is alive. For the first time in months, maybe years.

[box-dwelling]

I think 1-3 and 2-4 are so so much funnier with the Edgeworth steel Samurai fanboy context. And just in general thinking about it from his perspective. Like, ok imagine you're a lawyer, a really good one. You've only ever lost one case and that one was kind of a fluke anyway because the actual murderer tried to claim the defense attorney did it when he obviously didn't, and also, a because this is tumblr and we need to get across the appropriate level of cringe, a superwholock fan. And you get called into work one day and find out that Andrew Scott was murdered and Benedict Cumberbatch did it and also you have to be the one to procecute the trial and the defense attorney is a childhood friend who is the only one to ever beat you in court and who you also are developing a gay little crush on. And then as the trial goes on it becomes more and more clear that Andrew Scott drugged and framed Benedict Cumberbatch for the attempted murder of Steven Moffatt because he accidentally killed someone on the set of doctor who 5 years ago and Moffatt had been extorting him. He did this by wearing the big stupid fucking trenchcoat. But it didn't work because Moffatt fought back and had Mark Gatiss cover it up. So the trial ends, with the truth coming out and you arrest Moffat and Gatiss meaning that Sherlock is officially cancelled but they're doing a few new similar series because it's popular.

A year goes by, your life goes to shit, you have a suicide attempt but then decide to just fake your death instead and go eat pray love across Europe. You'd become a lot closer with you crush before hand but you're pretty certain he's mad because of the whole death faking thing. Then you get a call and find out that Jarad Padalecki had murdered Jensen Ackles and your crush and sister are the procecution and defense. Now you are fucking certain Padalecki did it. But your crush is defending him when normally he only ever defends the innocent. So you decide to turn up and given him some advice about the fact hes defending the guilty party. He is very angry about you faking your death but eventuall tells you the only reason he's doing it is because his assistant, also a massive superwholock fan, has been fucking kidnapped and will be killed if he doesn't get a not guilty verdict. You promise to help in whatever way you can.

So the next day you turn up to the courthouse for moral support and then watch your sister get shot in the exact same building and the exact same place on her body that you found out last year you accidentally shot her father when you were 9 right before he killed your father. After a great deal of perstering you manage to persuade her to go to the hospital so now you're prosecuting another idol of yours I guess.

Please just live in this man's reality for a few minutes. Absolutely insane

[sunnibits]

(guy who has been hyperfixated on izzy hands for two years voice) hey guys you may not have known this but I actually really love izzy hands

[seoulxsinners]

"who said it was a date?" Hajoon asked as he drove not taking his eyes off the road. He slowed to a stop at a stop light and finally looked over to Cheng. He watched him for a bit the man was indeed beautiful. But also a criminal from what he told Hajoon. Why did worst men have the best packaging he thought. Yet here he was in the car with the man taking him to dinner.

"My dad's want Minjun to be happy. sure if they dont approve they will be honest. But they are far to easy on my brother besides he has a type and its not good" he said pulling back into traffic when the light turned green. He smiled and shook his head. "never tried the head but then im not that dark of place any more" He muttered then looked back at Cheng. "Besides if you ever want to try your welcome too"

Cheng shrugged his shoulders and followed along. "Okay, you win. I'll stop calling you kid, but you better stop acting like one as well." He shot the other a slightly jeering smirk, as he finally caught up to Hajoon. "Well, your brother's boyfriend so happens to be my childhood best friend and business partner. So I didn't come here to kick his ass like you might have. In following you, I'm hoping that maybe this will lead me to Xuan too."

[tainted-sweet-meats]

More oc lore from my fursona's universe "We are, as I am" this time of Nishou the Doppelgänger. Definitely read tags before clicking the click more for his info. Read more of his info under the cut vvvvvv

Full name: Nishou S. Coding: Jamaican/Chinese Gender/ sexuality: Masc/ Pansexual Pronouns: He/Him Size: 6"3' Species: Doppelganger BirthPlace/Birthday: ???(Never born but created) Zodiac Sign: ???

Voiceclaim:N/A (supernatural/distorted voice is bolded)

Speech quirk

" You are the worst of us and I'm the better of you.....there is no reason for your existence.." " You never say what's on your mind..maybe that's why you're always in trouble..pity you, it couldn't be me...I know how to get what I want and how to destroy what I don't need." "Did you hate yourself so much..that you cast me out..now look at you..a lesser..than what we both are...what we both could of been....I'LL ALWAYS HATE YOU." "One day I will devour you and when that day comes.. I'll make it enjoyable for the both of us.. remember...our oath...blood in..and blood out..right..."

personality music

N/A

General info

Nishou is the forced out utmost extreme negatives and positives of Nish, the best and worst. He was originally a part of them but grew tired of how placid Nish was with themselves. He is the pent-up aggression of all they were throughout their life joined together. He is blunt and doesn't hold back from anyone or anything. His words are as visceral as his fangs and he's proud of the handy work his jaws can do, metaphorically and physically.

Despite his high aggression he also has a high passion and a dual personality. This is also believed to be a product of Nish hiding most of their feelings in situations resulting in unintentionally creating a personality for their doppelganger. Unlike the original, Nishou is not lovey-dovey and seeks passion through intimacy in the most primal of ways. Due to his ferocity, they can confuse the lust for the flesh.. for the hunger they yearn for and easily make quick work out of lovers. Very contradictory to their original that seeks love but can never act on it.

Though consuming their lovers isn't the same as taking their original's place in life. It is an easy way to sate the hunger and craving to fully feel like their original in some twisted way. To Nishou their original stands in his way to having an actual presence in life. It is very well known that a doppelganger must kill their original in order to take their place. To take the originals, they have to consume their heart. And in doing so, living the life he could never live through theirs.

Stand-alone they seem intimidating, harsh, and overly confident. He is the only one to assume many forms, the feral, anthro, were, beastrial, a penghou, as well as a semi humanish creature called Final fatalis. The original can not assume the last three forms. These forms are solely for the doppel. The last tree forms are said to be transitional forms of his supernatural powers. Forms slowly define him farther away from his original vessel. The humanoid form is his strongest out of the bunch. You can tell the doppel is present by the eyes. Only he has red and blue eyes swirling in rings. He could never mimic the original's eyes for some reason. Something having to do with the lack of their soul contained within the heart. Which is what he has to consume from his original vessel to take the life back he helped create.

Though Nishou is not evil, he is the product of the original vessel. When the original could not confront internal struggles with themself, it caused a rift creating him. Nish's subconscious cast him out of their body by throwing up a supernatural black substance that formed Nishou. When formed he was hateful to be abandoned instead of accepted. He formed.....resentful...distorted and vowed to devour every aspect of Nish to regain some peace in his lack of sanity. Which he is slowly losing the more time he remains out of the original's body on his own. He knows only the extremes of the original and acts according to his basic instinct. He believes full heartily when you betray your true self, your real self will be vengeful to regain what it helped you build. You can never escape yourself.

Powers

Slit split- A power only useable in his final and stable form known as "Final Fatalis". A supernatural power where he will slit his wrists to cause the black substance that makes up his very being, to create physical puppet-like replicas of his past forms. These forms can retain memory and take heavy damage in battle. The puppets can be killed but all memory is gained back to the doppel. The damages done, work as a memory function. The doppel will absorb the pain inflicted, which causes the final form to be invincible, indestructible, and distorted over time. This distortion is permanent to him.

Heart inflict-  The more time the doppel spends outside the original's body can cause deterioration effects on him entirely. Heart inflict allows him to devour the hearts of those who love or lust after him to keep him stable. This extends the time he has in the physical realm in order to consume the heart he needs to live his life in absolution. The original's heart is what's needed to be fully alive and of the physical realm the original vessel inhabits. Any heart he devours must have the initial intent in wanting him. Though the want doesn't always have to be positive towards him. To the doppel, even if the meat is soured by unjust distortion, meat is all the same to him.

Shadow waltz-  Is a teleportation power. The doppel can walk through shadows, even your own. The doppel however does not have a shadow himself. He uses the shadows around him to his advantage. This power can also detect energy. Once in your presence, the doppel is very calculating to not only you but the energy you give off. This makes it easier for him to teleport to your location to find you in an instant.

Vanta pressure- The same feeling you get when you are in the presence of a shadow person or anything paranormal, is the same presence the doppel gives off. This particular move also can cause paralysis when the doppel is tired of hunting you. If you are in close range, your movements cease. Once you stare into his eyes, you will feel the pressure that slowly tears down your emotional and physical barriers. At this point, you are powerless against him and he will devour you.

Catalyst break- This power is used constantly. The doppel can take in high amounts of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual damage. The more he takes in abuse/damage.. the stronger he gets. There isn't much that can hurt him since he isn't exactly physical yet. Though this power has side effects. The more power used against him, the more he has to consume to stay stable. This sometimes means friends may be on the menu.

Dream Inflict- When trying to keep a low profile, he can actually tamper with your dreams and cause you mental harm that will reflect on you physically. In this state you are fully powerless because once he has broken your mind you are done for.  The harm he has done to you in your dreams will reflect on your body in the physical. He can use this power to his advantage in a non violent manner as well to just talk with you. Though many will assume it is a vivid or lucid dream.

Vanta Canon- A flameless thrower attack that can rot the flesh off of bones. This attack is in fact not flames but the same creational fluid that acts like an acidic blast through the mouth. The fluid is a focus of acidic trauma distortion once held within the original vessel. Once said trauma was absorbed by the doppel to protect the original vessel when they were in one body, he focused it into a physical attack. The mock flame is the purest form of black and can deteriorate someone from their very core consciousness. 

But not before replaying said victim of said attack to relive all their life's trauma through their minds eye. Before melting  slowly to death. Ripping you entirely from existence not just in a physical sense. This attack isn't used lightly since its one of the doppel's most vindictive and hate filled attacks. You must of did something horrible/personal to bring this upon you.

Vanta Dismantle - Not many know beyond the original vessel, but it is very wise to not cause any splitting injuries to the doppel. This attack can only be used if the doppel is split in half. He can never fully split and usually the split will stop near his pelvis. He is very dangerous in this mode and can use his internal liquids as hardened weapons before he regenerates his body back in place. Unlike the original vessel, the doppel has no internal organs, bones, muscles or anything. What he has is a creational black fluid that can be molded at his will. He can even trap you within the middle of his split body which can easily crush you to death..leaving zero traces behind. Though when absorbed into him due to his supernatural link...all traces, memory, and you as a whole cease to exist. He can not feed off of you using this attack.

Minor miscellaneous powers such as:

Hyper regeneration

Supernatural strength

Imperceptibility

Psionics

Voice manipulation

Immortality

Inaudible movement

Haunting

Darkness Aura

Darkness Empowerment

Darkness Manipulation

Enragement triggers:

High-frequency noises

Reacting physically violent towards him

Weakness

His original vessel showing self love/forgiveness

Connection to Self-Nishou has retained all information and memories from Nish, and uses them against his original vessel. While what he says isn't exactly wrong, it is presented as aggressive, angered, and distorted. They have seen through the eyes and sorted through the feelings of the original when they were once one in body and mind. With his forked bluntness, they verbally lash at his original with their shortcomings. Using family, friends, relationships, and life traumas against them. To show without him they would have been dead in their teenhood.

Reminding them it was him who kept the noose from around their neck for so long. It was him who broke the rope at the last minute when they tried. An how ungrateful they are for abandoning him when they felt he wasn't needed or would cause hardships in their life. Nishou knows every aspect and every hole the original tries to hide to seem strong. The strength was all him and only his doing. He reminds the original vessel.."It's easy to hide from others but not from one's self".. and he makes sure the original never forgets it.

----

Friendship with a Doppelganger

Though he knows loyalty and values it, unlike their original he is quick to pick up on the lack of it. The minute you let slip you have ulterior motives you are as good as dead. He plays the dance of course. He lets you believe you didn't slip. He enjoys watching you lie, just to see how far you're willing to go. You feel some form of false safety as he still shows you loyalty while you show deceit.

He likes the game even if you aren't aware of it. The minute you initiated it by lying and trying to use him. He doesn't gain much other than fun and quick blood from the play you started. Unlike his original, it's not above him to be vindictive. In fact he takes pleasure in it by giving you pay back. He is very eye for an eye in that mind set. A head space the original vessel quickly abandoned deeming it a toxic trait. An thus the doppel adapting it, seeing it useful to those who sought to harm or use him.

He is the extremes of his original..so like his malice and hate..his love is equally so. Turning on him or using him will hurt him severely, but he will never show it. He doesn't understand forgiveness, because he can't even forgive his original, which in turn he can not forgive himself. He simply will get rid of you permanently to stop the pain you have caused him. He knows no other way to cope with emotional pain of betrayal and abandonment.

----

Spot the difference

Nishou has a distinct look. While he is Nish's doppelganger, his markings are more pronounced and jagged. His demeanor is a bit more serious, aggressive, and forthcoming. He always seems to have a scowl on his face or an expression of hunger and happy malice. He has a swirl to his eyes that seems hyper-focused and intense. Though this is an assumed adaptation so you can not focus on his eyes, since he believes that the eyes are a window to his inner workings.  Thus he feels if you can't focus on his eyes it will not leave him open to vulnerabilities. He is the only one able to assume many forms. His height is also way taller than the originals. Unlike their original..they can not bleed red, only black. They were never born...but created. So they do not have flesh and blood like their original does. Everything about them is an intense mimicry. Nish has a bit softer quality in looks and markings, they also do not carry the intense bearded chin fluff. They can be seen with a solemn or emotional face. Though they can be serious in the face it is never the same as their Doppel. Nish's eyes are just red with a hint of blue.

Face to Face-Nishou when confronted with Nish is highly volatile and aggressive. He tries to kill and devour them to claim a life he feels he helped create. And in a sense he did. Without him or his ferocity..his original could not have made it in life when he was a part of them. Nish fears their masculinity more than anything. He represents a part of them they try to hide and destroy to be accepted by their loved ones. Unbeknownst to the fact trying to rid yourself of yourself breeds hatred within self. This hatred bred their doppelganger's personality throughout their growth. They forever are in turmoil with each other until Nish accepts them or succumbs to them.

If Nish shows Nishou any form of love...he seems to be in pain and tries to get away from their original. Being created and cast out from their original's body has caused a jaded mind set. When confronted with affections and acceptance, he doesn't know how to react. He will either run from them or try to injure their original to stay away.

----

Nishou's representation

He is the physical manifestation of the extreme fear of the original vessel accepting their repressed shunned masculinity within themselves. An a physical representation of the original vessel's childhood through the eyes of manipulation and abuse. He is the warped aggression that has been done to the original vessel from their parental units, trusted loved ones, life experiences and harsh environmental adaptation. His actions with lovers is a severed hate for toxic masculinity in a relationship from experience of the original vessel's dating habits in past men. 

These relationship natures are twisted into extreme vulgarities that are not normal. Usually the devouring of the flesh in a carnal manner is symbolic to giving oneself entirely both in body and emotions for the sake of another. An getting nothing but desecration in return. This repressed feeling is the unrequited love the original endured up until their early 20's. At this time Nishou was cast out from their body.

He is the only one from the two that can assume a multitude of forms. It is believed by the original vessel that this multi-transitional process of Nishou, is representations they helped create through self repressed feelings and trauma.

The feral, a form both have which represents basic and lesser instincts of mental adaption to situational issues. The Feral form is known as the emotional shield. It is a form used commonly to avoid emotional backlash within self. To see him in this form is to realize you are being monitored and if you can be trusted. In this form, he doesn't fully trust you. It is a neutral form towards anyone and everyone.

The anthro, is also known as the physical shield. Is a form that is the most mocking to the original vessel due to variations of similarities to Nish. The only difference is this form is bigger than the original. As well as markings being slightly more jagged and rougher in look. The rough look is believed to be akin to Father. This is the form the original vessel always wanted but could never have due to the fear of backlash from loved ones. This is also the most common form to see him in.

The were, otherwise known as the mental shield. This form is the unchecked repressed brutality of the original vessel. Unlike the beastrial, the doppel's were form is highly aware mentally. Something the original can not control in their form. It is unknown why Nishou can mentally be in control while in this state though. It's believed the were is more a form originally for the doppel. The were being a physical manifestation of a mental safeguard to emotional pain and abuse, when he was still within the body of the original vessel. It is believed that once he was cast out from the original, Nish could still resume their form but lacked mental clarity like the doppel. Since it was his form to originally achieve. A form he shared with the original vessel to overcome mental trauma from others.

The penghou, known as the trauma shield, is a form only the doppel can achieve. This form is said to be the head of a humanoid man and the body of a canid. This form is believed to be a representation of the original's repressed fear of accepting themselves due to parental resentment. The eyes in the mane are a form of paranoia developed from Mother always asserting dominance in their offspring's life. The eyes themselves are the colors of  Mother's eyes. A constant reminder of being watched and stigmatized for trying to achieve being one's true self without her toxic help. This state like the beastrial is semi transitional. Unlike the other transformations, there is something eerily humanoid about this form.

The penghou is the doppel's most intense form. The doppel in this state is highly vengeful due to being abandoned by the original vessel. While the doppel is a manifestation of self-hatred entirely, the penghou is a distorted result of primal aggression to oneself through parental abuse. For favoring what others think before what the original vessel thought of themselves. It is known to mimic voices of those the original trusts in order to coax the original to get closer to harm them. The black ooze from this beast is the same creational sludge that helped form him. This fluid is highly toxic and if bitten could mean certain death. This fluid is what makes up the doppel's body and is also what he bleeds.

The beastrial, known to be the transitional shield. It is a were stuck in mid shift. It is believed this form only happens when the doppel is in a high aggressive emotional state. While it rarely happens, when it does Nishou is not in his right state of mind and will even harm friends without a second thought. This form could be forced out as a retaliation of the original vessel trying to accept themselves as well as their doppel. Another theory to this form is the original vessel's lack of trust for those who actually care for them. It is well known the original vessel holds no trust despite having others trust in them. 

This residual is warped within the doppel entirely into something more physically aggressive. Thus the lapse in judgment in this form for turning on those who may actually love them, lumping said friends in with those who hold ill will towards them. This is the only form to also semi resemble "Mother". He is more feline than he is vulpine in looks in this state. Depending on the emotional state, the face of said form can vary.

This form holds no empathy nor time for negotiation within reasonable sensibility. It is all terror and all hatred from both the humanoid and beast in its utmost form. In this form he can no longer speak human tongue and  regresses back into its most primal of languages. It's instinct is to destroy and kill everything that has harmed it and everything that is in its way, be it friend or foe. He will not show mercy in his wake and this form can not be halted until what ever caused this shift  is destroyed or far within reach to be seen or sniffed out.

This form is easily irritable and highly sensitive to noise of high pitches and low baritones. Sudden noises that irritate them can send him off in a rage. [No images at this time, they aren't scanned oh lazy me :p]

The humanoid, is the last and strongest form of the doppel. It is known to no longer be a shield form for the original vessel, but a form fully for the doppel. An offense form known as "Final Fatalis". Surprisingly even compared to his were or beastrial form, this form's strength is unimaginable. In this state the doppel is impenetrable and can not be harmed in any manner. This is the fully transitioned form of the doppel. In this state he is known to even shift out animalistic parts to his advantage at will. Though he keeps a lot of his markings and animal attributes, his face is no longer animal. The original vessel has no known defense against this form.

The humanoid is very large, hyper-aware, and at best unpredictable. They have a natural charm that can allure anyone to them unintentionally. The semi-humanoid is also alluded to have supernatural powers. Such as being able to teleport within and through darkness, pick up emotional intent, hyper-physical and emotional regeneration, high pain tolerance, and strike fear into those who challenge him with a simple glance. One of his most powerful tactics is splitting his skin open to release some of his black creational sludge to replicate walking puppets of his previous forms to do his bidding. They hold all powers of said form while sharing a mental link with him since they are him. Just now weaponized extensions. These puppets have blackened eyes, unlike his swirled eyes.

Nishou is a physical walking vessel of the original's self-hatred. His very imagery is a mockery of what the original could have been had they loved themselves, before pleasing and loving others. Though due to being forcefully shunned, Nishou has distorted from what he once was. This creature is walking self-hatred manifested as a doppel. Each form represents multiple pieces of the original's traumas and not being able to confront them to accept self.

Relationships- It's rare to see Nishou in a committed relationship-type setup like it is to see Nish in one. Nish can be seen holding their heart away from their partner or lovers constantly. There is a lack of trust to fully give themselves to a partner while still showing love fully. A huge contradiction but doable only by Nish. However, this is a glimmer of Nishou's nature still within them. When it comes to friends, they can be confident and flirty.

 But don't mistake it for the commitment of a lover. You will never get this from them and they will make sure you never get this close to them. You will always feel something is off while dating them. While you feel loved, there is a slight distance, as if the minute you mess up they will disappear from your life as if they were never there. There is some truth to your feeling. It is not that they don't love you, they do. What they will not lose is themselves over you. They don't value you enough to put themselves in that predicament. This is a unique residual of what their Doppel left behind within them. There is a huge fear within Nish that they will lose themselves entirely within you. They already regret casting their doppel out, they do not want to lose anything else with what little they have left of themselves. This part is their heart. An organ the doppel is believed to be missing. The only perk to them having fun with you is your safety is 100% guaranteed. Unlike their doppel, where you are walking on eggshells due to their extreme natures. An a potential threat of death if you cross the doppel emotionally.

[finleyforevermore]

Hey guys! How've we been since I've been away? Hm? Not good? Yeah, I thought so.

I was AFK (which means Away From Keyboard for those who weren't aware, or didn't think to Google it /nm) because my mom had taken away my phone for a bit but I could still use it to help with my math homework.

I did lurk around Tumblr a bit, and I did "officially" come back online for a bit, but I mostly lurked.

And how delightful it was to see (can not clarify enough how sarcastic this is) that someone I follow but am not moots with decided that March 20th was the day they were doing to commit suicide. They did not succeed. But they sure as hell scared the fuck out of me. Same story I've seen before with my other friends, abusive parental figure, and possibly SA'd like some of my other friends. Lovely.

And then ANOTHER friend as it turns out has an extremely abusive mother and got fucking strangled by aforementioned mother, then said in the posts of a vent post, "something something maybe she should've killed me".

Being technically AFK I had to go on anon for a bit and try my damndest to prove to my friend that their mother is beyond saving, and there's no use seeing her in a positive light, and they by no means deserve what happened to them. I don't know if it worked. If you see this, I'm sorry if I came off as rude. But that really was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'd been trying to keep together fairly well but I had been thinking of Liam, Nex's death was ruled a suicide (and now his murderers will not be charged), all of my other friends are traumatized and now I've discovered another friend has an abusive parent, and someone tried to fucking kill themselves.

And so, we have this. This song has been my coping mechanism for the past several weeks and what I can best describe as my theme song. Whenever I see something tragic with either my friends or someone else my first thought is the words of this song. Largely because of the themes of getting salvation for the unjust wrongs done upon Sweeney or in this case my friends.

I really don't know why I was blessed to know such wonderful incredible beautiful people only for them to suffer relentlessly and have gallons upon gallons of trauma.

Do bad things happen? Sure. But with my friends it's non-stop. One traumatic event after another after another after another and I'm. Just so done. I'm so sick. And I'm so tired. Of everything. Of all the pain and suffering. Of the fact I can't do anything. Of the fact I feel too much. This probably shouldn't be impacting me so much but for some reason it is.

I would've been apprehensive posting this because I'm kind of self-conscious about my voice but some of my friends are suffering 24/7 so I think my voice is the last thing I should be worrying about.

Enjoy if you want. Or don't. That's ok too. Love you guys.

@literatureisdying

[canadiannationalfox]

Murder Drones Fanfic - Cypress Trees and A Good Boy - Tessa and Butler N story (non-ship) TW// Depression and Su1c1de mention

a 12 year old Tessa is dealing with a lot, she goes on a walk at night but needs someone to help her.

Warning: contains mention of child neglect, child abuse, suicide, and depression

The autumn air prickled the girl's skin as she opened her bedroom window, but she didn't care. Her conscience screaming at her, "Go, now... go, run," She glanced back at J who had fallen asleep at the foot of her bed, and N who had fallen asleep sitting upright on the chair Tessa stored her stuffed animals on during the day.

"They... they don't need me," the ebony haired human girl reassured herself as she climbed out the window, shutting it softly behind her so it wouldn't make a sound. She climbed down off the windowsill and began her journey down the garden path and through the marsh.

The song of the few remaining frogs greeted Tessa, and yet the girl didn't react to it how she normally would. Continuing her journey across the property in somber silence.

Normally, the girl would walk under the willow tree and into the graveyard, but she walked west of the tree, through the wild flowers that were starting to die off from the colder weather, her night gown catching the wind yet her striped black and white leggings kept her warm. The longer sections of her hair trailed behind her as she ran to the cypress trees that were coming into view, the ones that made her think of Starry Night. She walked up to the trees and sat looking outward, there was a steep drop off to a lake below, she heard the ebbing of the water as it was louder thanks to the night fall wind. She looked down at the water, her grey eyes filling with tears, she could almost imagine the wind calling her name in a soft voice.

"I wouldn't be able to get to terminal velocity, but... the sharp rocks could do the trick," she glanced back to the manor in the distance after her whispered assessment. Her hair being pushed by the wind so the longer sections flew in front of her face, wicking away some of her teardrops. She turned back to the cliffside, staring down, her breathing turned to sobs as she fell to her knees. Her wrists ached from today, an accident, she had insisted to J, but that was a lie.

"The little match girl..." Tessa spoke with a whimper, "She... she got to be happy..." she inched closer to the edge, her soft voice almost lost in the torrent of air, "It's for the best," The girl felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around, being slightly startled by a pair of snow-white LED eyes of a little butler drone.

"Hi Tessa!" the curly-haired butler drone greeted cheerfully.

"Eep!" the little Aussie girl squeaked as she was greeted by N, her beloved little butler.

"I noticed you left your bed and the window was open," the drone trilled sweetly, "A night walk is sure fun though." He kept holding Tessa's shoulder, noticing the tears in her eyes. "Are you alright?"

Tessa looked away, she knew he meant his best. The little Aussie voice quivered as she asked, "D-do you ever feel..." she hesitated, knowing that he was a delicate soul and she'd have to be gentle with her words, "... unhappy..."

N pulled Tessa into a hug and responded, "I do sometimes, but, it's hard to stay sad long with you around."

The 12 year old Elliott heiress felt more tears coming on as she hugged the butler drone back. "D-do you ever wish... you weren't ever built?" she began to ask, her voice shaking like a scared puppy, "L-like you don't want to be here, at all?" She leaned into the hug more, she held back her sobs to not make her precious little ray of sunshine more worried.

N rubbed his friend's back, he didn't realize how deep this well of emotions went. "Tessa," he began gently, letting go of her but still holding her hands in his, "I enjoy every day since I was built by you, but... sometimes it can be scary. Do you want to talk about your feelings?"

The girl sat on the grass next to her butler drone, she hugged his legs and began to explain, sugar-coating the scarier parts, "What do you do when someone who's supposed to care for you hurts you a lot, and the other someone who was there for you since you were little now doesn't care anymore?" she meant her mother and father when she said this, she rubbed her wrists that were aching a little from being chained up this afternoon. Her grey eyes twinkled, the moonlight making her tears look like orbs of crystal while they ran down her freckled face. "What did I do to deserve it? Why do I want to-" she stopped herself, explaining as she looked up to the drone's worried eyes, "Run away, where no one can find me..."

N got down to Tessa's level, he had seen many times when J would do that and give some amazing emotional wisdom, but this was N, he just didn't have that knowledge or emotional maturity, but he offered gently, a story he once read. "Once upon a time, there was a king, and he had a troubled heart. He asked a blacksmith to make him something that would help make his sorrowful heart hurt less."

Tessa felt odd that N was telling her a story, but she let him finish.

"The blacksmith returned later that day with a golden ring, he presented it to the sorrowful king, and when the king saw the words engraved upon it, he smiled," the butler told, a smile in his voice, despite the worried expression, "This too shall pass" He pulled in the girl for a hug.

The Elliott girl started crying, holding onto N like he was a life preserver after she almost drowned in a pool.

"It might be bad right now, but it won't be bad forever, we still make happy memories through all the scary times," the butler explained soothingly

The girl hugged her drone silently, they listened to the sound of the waves at the cliff's bottom, looking out to the stars. Eventually, Tessa found her voice, she remarked softly, "When I'm big and strong, some day... I'll get far far away from here. And we will all be under a big starry sky again... and all of this, will be a memory"

N reassured kindly, while smiling to his favourite human, "I'm glad you didn't run away, Tessa. All of us adore you; me, V, J, and even the maids and butlers without names all like you lots." The snowy-haired drone even trilled, "One day you'll be our boss and you'll be able to keep us all safe and you'll be free to do whatever you'd like."

This made the ebony haired girl laugh a little, she let go of the butler and looked up to the crescent moon in the sky. "I can't wait to be in charge, the first thing I'd do is give you all the names I wanted to give you, your name will be Nate, which means Gift from God."

The butler smiled at that name, responding joyfully, "I can't wait to be called that! It sounds nice!" He stood up and held his hand out. "Let's get you back home, okay? I'll make you waffles in the morning."

The girl asked curiously, accepting the butler's hand up, "Will they have strawberries?"

"Always!" the drone insisted happily, pulling Tessa to her feet before they began heading back to the manor. Nate giggled cheerfully, "I love your new hairstyle, by the way, Tess. It looks great."

Tessa knew her hair was breaking off lately due to not eating enough and she had to cut off most of the longer bits with a razor comb, but still wanting to protect Nate, she giggled, "I had a little accident and I thought, hey, it'd be fun to try something uneven. Might as well, makes it easier for Jaybird to brush."

The two laughed together at Tessa's reasoning as they headed back to the manor, and while the next day wouldn't be that much better, at least Tessa knew in her heart that she was loved, even if it wasn't by her parents, the drones of the manor were her support system, and that gave her courage, only returning to the cliff side to practice the harp or for reading books during the day.

The End