#THIS IS GIVING ME EVERYTHING
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DAD BUCK! DAD BUCK! DAD BUCK!
#omg fucking goddddd#CO PARENTING TO THE MAX#buck being there as a another father for Chris#THIS IS GIVING ME EVERYTHING#911#911 on fox#911 fox#buddie#eddie diaz#911 spoilers#evan buck buckley#evan buckley#buddie 911#911 buddie#buckley diaz family#the buckley diaz family#edmundo diaz#edmundo eddie diaz#christopher diaz#even buck buckley#Evan buck buckley is Christopher’s other dad#buck is christopher’s other dad#buck x eddie#buck and eddie#eddie and buck#eddie x buck
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crowley
#fem presenting crowley you're everything to me#as you might know I've been recovering from an injury these past few weeks which is why I couldn't draw as much as usual#been doing a bit better so I wanted to give drawing a try again#while my arm isn't back to normal yet it feels a LOT better than 2 weeks ago#which is a good sign#still gonan take things easy of course#good omens#good omens fanart#crowley#fem crowley#why was one of teh suggestions for that tag fem crocodile#I'll have to look that up#david tennant#crowley fanart#aziracrow#aziracrow fanart#my art#fanart#my good omens art#good omens 2
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INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (2022 - ) I I Could Not Prevent It
#usergayppl#jackpearcsn#tuserlou#userlaro#userclara#interview with the vampire#usertiny#usersaoirse#alivedean#iwtv#iwtvedit#iwtv spoilers#userbrittany#userpayel#byaurore#userangelic#userairam#userzil#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#claudia de pointe du lac#sam reid#delainey hayles#jacob anderson#i just lost my bff give me a minute.#she deserved everything but alas#she sounds so old again 😭 delainey is amazing
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may i introduce..
THE phRATS
#crochet#dan and phil#dnp#phan#mine#this took me months to finish#so at some point I really couldn’t bring up the Motivation to make another set of clothes … sorry phil#maybe I’ll do it at some point in the future tho!#I made sure to at least give him a pride flag tho 😅#(the pattern for the rats is by ComplicatedKnots on YT and I thought of everything else by myself)
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since Eng is getting 7.5 soon(?), I felt motivated to go back to my Meleanor rig and make her a couple of lesson animations! ...except for alchemy, because the cauldron bubbles proved too hard to photoshop around, whoops.
maybe she just got lost on her way to the classroom...?
(credit: backgrounds are from the game, I just put her on top of 'em)
(aside from the backgrounds, this is not an edit, I drew her from scratch! please do not tag or treat as an edit!)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#gif warning#gifs that will inexplicably never get a perfect no matter how many cupcakes you use warning#let's just say she hasn't been added to the alchemy schedule yet#AS PER USUAL#(sam sneaks in at night and messes with the schedule so we have to buy candy from him instead)#(i promise i will stop spamposting eventually) (they gotta stop giving me characters to obsess over first)#anyway in my continuing efforts to manifest a meleanor card into existence#it's time to remember i made this a million years ago#just blow off some of the dust and cobwebs that have accumulated here...#'i'm only gonna add a couple of things i won't do too much'#(spends ten minutes trying to decide what color goggles she should have)#(flipping back and forth between green and purple) it's no use she looks good in everything#spineposting#(not me stealth editing because i didn't realize the wrong arm attachment had somehow popped in whoops)
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Fiddlestan but vampire and werewolf!
#fiddleford: mmm yummy boyfriend 😋#i saw someone give stan a chipped tooth and i thought “OH MY GOD CANNON”#theyre so freaking cute#gravity falls#gay men with yellow eyes#fiddlestan#fiddleford mcgucket#stanley pines#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#young fiddleford#young stan pines#fiddstan#god theyre everything to me#mullet stan#werewolf stan and vampire fidds have taken over my brain#werewolf stan#werewolf stanley#vampire#vampire fiddleford#werewolfstan and vampire fiddleford#but fidds is southern so that makes him a#vampar#yee haw#my art
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Minor redesign
#filipino jon you will always be iconic#art#sketch#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#i give him a bowl of sinigang Nd pat his head#and then shove him into the tunnels#well im still not sure if i want him full filipino#because i also nabbed some references from other asian ethnicities#i live near chinatown i think everything is just slightly fuzzy to me
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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spiraling
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#gojo satoru#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#the minute i realized how tg coded the composition n colours were i decided to turn it up to 11#i was racking my brain trying 2 figure out how to get the layered tissue paper look tht i talked abt ishida's cover art having#cycled through all my usual layer modes n nothing ws Quite right#until wouldnt u know it . divide n subtract!!!!! i NEVER use divide or subtract bc theyre impossible#but fr this??? its like they were made for it oh my god#it makes the greys look translucent n all my textures pop in a way that makes them appear splotchy n Bruised#which ws the whole point thts the Look god i am so PLEASED#when the layer modes tht notoriously get No love finally find their niche <33 peace and love <333#filing this away fr later i am going 2 have a lot of fun with this new information i think#im very happy w how the colours look n i dont think anything else wld have kept the right Mood#but i am always so >:/ when i have to use a palette tht forces me into giving megumi blue eyes#had to set aside th green eyed megu agenda fr the Aesthetic unfortunately#anyway i knew from the minute i saw it that i wanted to do smth involving the opening panel of 268#bc that panel is S tier#i figured tht if nothing came 2 me i wld just redraw it as-is bc it's alr so good but as i ws sketching i was like#u know what u havent done in a while? art tht looks like u r going Insane#art tht makes ur family ask whether everything is ok#so i once again tucked megumi's knees up 2 his chest and apologized insincerely to him fr making the third megumi angst piece in a row#:)
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been thinking abt maps and the batfamily interactions . i think tim and her would be friends :) detective to detective
#sabsarttag#give me more ideas if we have any#i know Tim is Red Robin in her universe but I don’t like his design ��️#they’re so everything ro me#batman#robin#dc#art#dc art#tim drake#tim drake robin#maps#maps mizoguchi#mia mizoguchi#mia mizoguchi robin#batfamily#batfam#comic
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Love and Obsession: The Tim Drake Way
part 2
Everyone in the Batfamily knows Tim Drake has… issues with boundaries. They’ve spent years trying to teach him what’s appropriate and what’s—well—deeply unsettling and completely invasive. To be fair, he’s learned. Mostly. He doesn’t stalk his family anymore (much), and he no longer pulls up files on every single person they talk to (okay, maybe just sometimes). But it’s progress.
But then Tim starts dating Danny Fenton. And, oh boy, a few screws come loose.
It starts small, as always. Just little things. Tim’s a detective, after all—background checks are second nature. Danny’s living in Gotham, and Gotham isn’t safe. So, really, what’s the harm in knowing a little more about Danny’s friends? And his professors? And maybe also his classmates? It’s just standard protocol. Okay?
“Tim, you’ve run a full dossier on my entire biology class?” Danny asks one day, laughing as he flips through a file on the coffee table. Tim shrugs. “What if one of them is dangerous?” “Pretty sure the most dangerous thing in that class is the midterm.”
Danny doesn’t think much of it. He’s a little flattered, even. Tim’s protective. It’s sweet.
But Tim’s mind doesn’t stop there. Danny’s too handsome. Too charming. What if someone tries to hurt him? What if someone tries to take him away? It’s not obsessive—it’s just concern. So, a tracker on Danny’s phone? Necessary. Cameras in his apartment? Standard. Monitoring his sleeping patterns and hangout spots? Logical.
Tim tells himself it’s love. And maybe a little insecurity.
“You have a tracker on his phone?” Dick asks, trying not to sound alarmed. Tim nods, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. “Of course. What if something happens to him?” “And the cameras?” “Safety.” “The background checks on his professors?” “Gotham U isn’t exactly known for its stellar staff, Dick.”
It doesn’t stop there. Tim knows everything. Danny’s eating habits, his favorite places to go when he’s stressed, his childhood allergies. Tim’s mapped out Danny’s entire life. He knows about Danny’s ghost powers too—of course he does. He’s Tim Drake. The moment he realized Danny was Phantom, it just… clicked.
Danny being half-ghost? That’s just one more reason to worry. Tim’s up late at night, watching for any signs of ectoplasmic interference. He tracks the energy spikes. He monitors Danny’s fights.
He doesn’t think Danny knows. He’s terrified of what will happen if he finds out.
But then he does.
One evening, Danny walks into Tim’s apartment and casually drops a folder on the table. Tim’s heart stops.
“What’s this?” Danny asks, raising an eyebrow. Tim swallows hard. “I… it’s just…” “You’ve been tracking me?” Danny opens the file, glancing through pages of surveillance reports, background checks, even analysis of his ectoplasmic energy. Tim feels like his world is about to shatter.
“I… I can explain,” Tim says, his voice tight. “I’m just… worried about you. You’re in danger all the time, and I—” Danny walks over, cupping Tim’s face in his hands. Tim braces for the worst.
But Danny just smiles. “Can I put a tracker on you too?”
Tim blinks. “What?” Danny kisses his cheek. “If you’re watching my back, it’s only fair I watch yours. I need to make sure you’re safe too.”
Tim stares at him, speechless. Danny doesn’t look scared. Or angry. He looks… fond. Like Tim’s obsessive tendencies aren’t a problem at all.
“I’ve never had someone care about me this much,” Danny says softly. “I trust you with my life, Tim. This? This just proves how serious you are.”
Tim thinks he’s just fallen deeper in love.
-------------------
The Batfamily? They’re worried.
Jason corners Tim in the cave. “Okay, so let me get this straight. You’ve got cameras in his apartment. You’ve mapped out his entire life. You’ve got a tracker on him and a heartbeat monitor. And he’s… fine with it?” Tim nods, a dreamy smile on his face. “Yeah. He even wants to put a tracker on me.” “That’s not… healthy, Tim,” Dick says carefully. “That’s—” “It’s mutual,” Tim interrupts. “We’re protecting each other.”
Bruce pinches the bridge of his nose. “Tim, this isn’t how relationships are supposed to work.” Tim shrugs. “It’s how ours works.”
Damian watches the whole thing with narrowed eyes. “This is deeply unsettling,” he mutters.
They try to talk to Danny. Intervention style. They invite him over, sit him down, and gently (or not so gently) try to explain that Tim’s behavior isn’t normal.
Danny just laughs. “You guys do know I’m half-ghost, right?” “That doesn’t mean—” Dick starts. “I spent my entire life being hunted by ghost hunters. I’ve had worse invasions of privacy.” Danny smiles. “Tim cares. He keeps me safe. That’s all I need.”
The bats don't quite know what to say.
-------------------
Tim and Danny, two slightly unhinged souls who think mutual surveillance is the ultimate act of love.
The bats? They’re just trying to keep up.
(“At least they’re happy?” Barbara offers weakly. Bruce sighs. “For now.”)
Gotham’s version of love was never going to be normal. But this? This is a whole new level.
#tim drake#danny phantom#danny fenton#brain dead#dead tired#dc x dp#batfam#tim drake is a stalker#we've completely watered down tim's stalking tendencies into /just/ stalking when he also learned everything there was to learn about batma#this guy is literally obsessed with knowing everything about everyone(even if it's to have the upper hand) and we completely disregard it#give me an invasive tim drake who doesn't know the first thing about boundaries bcs he's so used to researching everything about someone#before meeting them#also give me a danny fenton who has never truly felt safe or protected with anyone especially after he died in his own parents lab#while his friends watched with no supervision or lab precautions#tim learning everything about him for his own safety and protective(obsessive) tendencies makes him feel safe with tim#bcs it proves to him that tim is always watching his every step to make sure he's safe no matter where in the world either of them are#tim is always watching out for him#and if that isn't the most romantic thing someone could do for him then romance is dead#the bats are very concerned for them#tim and danny match each other's freak
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— stardust
the world is a vast place. in the grand scheme of things, humans are but a speck of dust; much like how you are sure you are nothing but a meagre speck of dust in the world he lives in, forever to be remained unseen. (if only you knew how you are the brightest star he'd ever laid his eyes upon.)
CONTAINS : gn!reader, 1.5k wc, royalty!au, contract marriage/marriage of convenience, fluff, smitten reca bc what would he be other than smitten, a little hint of bittersweet at the end if read between the lines aha...
A/N : ....i have a paper due monday. i havent started it. why do i do this to myself. (reca i love u can u not hear my cries and wails as fic after fic appears in my brain for u...)
Duke Reca of the northern territory; to many he is a well-accomplished noble, a young genius set for greater things, and the owner-slash-founder of the top theatre company. He is an idol — a role model to those who aspire to be more involved in the artistic side of the world.
To you, however, he is an absolute lunatic, the bane of your existence, and your contractual husband.
It's not like you had much choice. It was either: a) remain as a hollow puppet whose strings danced at your family's fingertips, or b) find some way to escape with outside power.
You, of course, chose the second option. Unfortunately, that somehow led to you meeting the young duke when out in the shopping district, trying to escape the suffocating presence of your family's knights accompanying you by running into a secluded alleyway, even if it was for but a momentary breather.
It was a whirlwind of a meeting... quite literally. Bodies flew; clothing tousled; breaths stolen. Well, at least for you it was like this. He, on the other hand, looked right as rain. (Lucky bastard.) You hadn't realised it was him at first, too absorbed in hasty apologies and the numbing bloom spreading across your backside like a wildfire (really, they ought to incorporate more padding in these flimsy clothes!), but when he uttered an apology of his own for not paying attention to his surroundings with an arm outstretched to help you stand, your mind all but blanked. What was someone of his status doing in a dingy alley? Didn't the newspapers report word of his self-confinement, having not stepped foot outside his manor in fervent preparation of his upcoming performance?
No, never mind all that; wasn't this a blatant opportunity being presented to you? An outside power that could help you escape the clutches of your family...
With gritted teeth, all sense of self-dignity was cast aside as you grasped his outstretched hand with both of your own, gazing into his widened eyes with your own narrowed ones.
"Your Grace, I know this is hardly the appropriate time nor place, but please... marry me!" Your words echoed within the enclosed space. Duke Reca blinked slowly down at you, and it was then you realised you never elaborated. "In... in a contractual marriage of convenience, of course."
"Oh?" he grinned, amusement and intrigue twinkling in his eyes. "And what is it you can offer me?"
"I..." Truthfully, there was nothing you could offer which would be beneficial to someone like him who had everything at the tips of his fingers. You were but a speck of dust in his world, merely floating and remaining unseen within his view. But even so, here you kneeled before him, his gaze wholly fixated on a speck of dust such as yourself. If nothing else, you at least had your desperation — a desperation to be your own person. "My lineage may be from that of a baron's, but I am confident I can be of use to you if you would permit it. So long as you accept my offer, I will do anything to aid you, whether that be through practical means or a performance you wish to see."
A beat of silence.
"Ha... haha... ahahaha!!"
And, as if things couldn't get any worse than a sore rear and disgruntled self, you were pulled out of your daze by a pair of gleaming carmine eyes, a maniacal grin, and his body, now kneeled just like you were, so very close to your own.
"That determination... how brilliantly you burn with such an expression!" The sheer glee which bled through his tone sent shivers down your spine, having never realised someone so esteemed had such a side to him. The duke breathed a breathy laugh and slightly backed up, his hands still holding your arms. "Alright, I look forward to seeing how brightly you will shine in your performance, my dear leading actor."
...Was it too late to back out and find an alternative solution?
Admittedly so, for the next thing you knew vows were declared and you were moved into the duke's residence. You could still remember your family's aghast expressions the moment you declared you were marrying Duke Reca and thus cutting ties with them. It was oddly freeing to see their contorted faces reveal their true nature.
Life as the duke's spouse was... something, to say the least. His servants and attendants almost seemed to have shed tears of joy at the revelation of their ever so lonely duke (their words, not yours) finally settling down and getting married, asking you questions such as how you both met, what drew you to their duke, who popped the question first, why you chose him of all people, so on so forth. It was... cosy. Something you admittedly weren't very accustomed to, but found yourself welcoming nonetheless.
One thing you never expected was for the duke to have a little pet of his own; a little toad dressed in a miniature beret and matching suit, at that. Assistant Director is what Reca had called her, and you think for someone so obsessed with the arts he ought to up his naming sense. She was also quite susceptible to compliments, something you discovered when commenting on the little toad's cute attire, with the duke's baffling translation of her bashfulness and her own compliment on your own looks. Apparently. You're not really sure, but you're inclined to believe it ever since she claimed a spot on your shoulder.
As the days-turned-weeks-turned-months bled into each other, you found yourself oddly lost at how well-adapted you have become of your new life and the duke's personality. From impromptu displays of affection both in and outside the manor to sporadic radio silence on his end when wholly consumed by his fervent passion for a project, you sometimes wonder just how you're still alive with the amount of heart attacks the man has given you.
But despite his... eccentricities, to put it lightly, there are times where you can't quite put a finger on certain expressions he would make when he thinks you're not looking. They're unlike his (once again, to put it very lightly) passionate eyes when rambling to you during mealtimes about an upcoming performance the troupe has; unlike the sheer mania he can exude when something truly sparks his inspiration; unlike the playfully smug grin he would give you when swooping down in dramatic flair to press a long kiss to the back of your palm; unlike the rare darkening of his expression that you cannot help but stiffen at when something or someone in the troupe doesn't quite match his expectations.
No. These ones are... soft. A kind of tenderness and unprecedented longing able to be identified if scrutinised close enough. It was evident in the ghost-like touches he would trail along your skin, as though afraid just a little more force would do irreparable damage. It was evident in the attention to even the most minute details, having everything from clothing to food to the decor suited to preferences you yourself never realised you had. It was evident in the way unadulterated fondness leaked through his tone when his unique terms of affection for you slipped through his lips when all was silent and you were supposed to be asleep.
"My dearest star..."
...Much like now, it would seem.
The bed dips by where your knees slightly bend, hidden under the beige covers. A familiar musky scent surrounds you not long after, and you find yourself involuntarily relaxing at the comfort it brings as your head further burrows into the pillow.
You want to stay awake, even if it's just for a second longer, to hear what he has to say to your less than conscious state. But, oh, his fingers threading through your hair and softly massaging your scalp and the gentle touch of his forehead against yours and the subtle comforting warmth that rolls off his body in waves does little to help you fight the sleep which easily takes over.
Oh, whatever! You'll just try and catch what he has to say next time.
Eventually your breathing evens out, only soft snores now heard within the large shared bedroom. Upon noticing this, Reca cannot stop the fond smile which lifts the corners of his lips, nor can he prevent the softening of his eyes as he continues to gaze at your sleeping form.
"My dearest [Name]," he whispers into the dead of night. Even now, several months later, he still cannot believe his luck to have run into you in that alleyway. It must have been fate which made him heed its call, urging him he would discover something sure to escape that terrible slump plaguing him for weeks on end.
Sure enough, it brought him to something irreplaceable; something he has been searching desperately for.
You.
And, with the tenderest of kisses pressed to your forehead that would put even the most sickening romantics to shame, he murmurs words of promise against your skin, an oath he swears to uphold no matter the obstacles which stand before him.
"In this life, I will ensure you have only the best of endings."
if you enjoyed this, reblogs and/or comments are greatly appreciated <33
#mr reca x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#mr reca x you#honkai star rail x you#hsr x you#PEOPLE CAN FIGHT ME ON DUKE OF THE NORTH RECA IDC IDC I WILL NOT BACK DOWN !!! NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT??? NEVER GIVE UP !!!#im sorry . royalty aus are my achilles heel... my roman empire...#also literally the first thought i had when his model was first leaked was 'HES THE DUKE OF THE NORTH !!! HE HAS THE HAIR AND SUIT !!!!'#his lc when it was leaked further solidified that idea 🧍♀️#anyway his cn voice <3333 literally have had it looped for the whole day i kid u not ;w;;;#it just... hit everything perfectly.... the itch is well-scratched..........
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thanks for listening
#look at me#look at m#i need you to ignore canon for a second and let them have this moment#it occured to me that soundwave would’ve been the only one who could hear bee after he got his voice ripped out#and i drew this so fast#someone called them ‘soundad and bumbleson’ aND THATS ALL IVE BEEN HINKING ABOUT HAHHUAHA#i have a lot of thoughts about these two#soundwave is probably really accustomed to liars and twofacers after being around characters like starscream for so long#so when he meets bee#and all he gets is this blind honest truth from everything he says#he’s probably blindsided by it#like this little guy. this little yellow guy#has so much faith and love and nothing to gain from giving it away#it’s not some ploy with ulterior motives or lie to win his favour like starscream or sentinel#nope. this little guy just radiates the plain honesty of his truth#that he adores him#and soundwave has never seen anything like it before#soundwave#transformers#maccadam#b 127#transformers one#tf one#SORRY FOR THR PARAGRAPH RANT YOU CAN PRY THEIR FATHER SON DYNAMIC FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS#and yes bee still calls megatron dee in his head#he never stopped
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Genuinely, and I mean this kindly, but learning to recognize bait and not engaging with it will change your fandom experience.
#once you realize : oh theyre just trying to rile me up and i dont care to give them a response#everything is less stressful#i keep seeing the same arguments rehashed every six or so months#i know a lot of people are new and dont know but the trolls youre arguing with do#theyre trying to burn yall out and send you packing#also i do think there is something very funny about someone spending all that time color coding a bait post#and no one engages with it like wow you tried#i understand the passion people feel AND at some point you gotta let it go#anyway i do feel like the best way to sustain longevity is to just block the tags/people who enrage you
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bring your son to work day
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#sorry this might be it guys#just kind of burnt out right now#i am enjoying the event though! i love these silly beanbags and their charming little adventures#can't wait for silver-tsum to wake up just long enough to take a bullet for malleus-tsum#and i extra extra love malleus and his beanbag both being SO passive-aggressive about missing the pile-up#the solution: DANCE PARTY#APPARENTLY#between this and glorious masquerade i'm starting to think this is malleus' solution to everything#(is this how episode 7 will end) (we DO traditionally get an end-of-episode rhythmic...)#also a+ some truly excellent spritework going on in this on#(sebek crunches down slightly 'RIDE ME WAKATSUMSAMA') (long beat) (malleus and tsum just sliiiiiide away screen left)#genuinely so much funnier than a literal depiction could ever be#anyway i did some careful calculations re:the probability of upcoming cards that i absolutely need and long story short#i am key-poor but tsum!malleus-rich >:)#(immediately goes through and switches all his lesson sprites to having a tsum wobbling on his head) worth it#now watch next month they're going to give us a white rabbit rerun with malleus and/or lilia as the frilliest froufrou bunnies#and i will be thoroughly effed
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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