#THEYRE SICK okay they Were sick but like THEYRE SICK IM SICK
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Testament seeing humanity as beneath them at least gears in general but still seeing themself as something less than human desr god i feel like im in a fucking blender right now im sorry for my behavior at the moment
#THEYRE SICK okay they Were sick but like THEYRE SICK IM SICK#it definitely leans more towards the latter after theyre In Control of their fucking feelings on the matter but like yeah.#it was still kind of there. it comes up sometimes.#though reignited by them seeing how humans treat dizzy. they seemed kinda chill before that. interesting.#the kat goes meow
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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This is my personal crossover event of the century
#one of my favorite actors and one of my favorite drivers interacting??? what???#alright whos gonna be the brave soldier and write the matt damon × mark webber rpf fic-#(i read a fic w james bond/seb so imo it really wouldnt be too far off to write Linus Caldwell/Mark LMAO)#ive known abt this event practically since i got into f1 but i feel like my thoughts abt it keep developing every time i look at them again#first time: huh okay wow brad pitt & matt damon taking w mark thats really wild. f1 drivers really do be meeting w high level celebs#after i watched fight club: wow wow!! i cant believe theres pics of brad pitt with mark thats crazy!#after i watched oceans 11: omg wait oh yeah! when mark was in jaguar he was sponsored by oceans 12!!! thats sick!!!#and then recently w my increasing love for Matt Damon: WAIT OH MY GOD MARK HAS INTERACTED WITH MATT!!!! (two worlds colliding feel ig)#but i was watching some interview w matt where they referenced this happening so its relevant in my brain again so i had to post abt it#but of course in the vid the specific pic on screen was him and mark interacting and i died. like seriously i can never escape f1 and mark#mostly im freaking out bcs its truly the crossover event of all time concerning my interests specifically#but the lore behind this is genuinely really really interesting#the fact that theyre promoting a heist movie specifically and then they put a $300k diamond in the nose of the Jaguar#and then the Jaguar crashed during the race and the diamond disappeared?????? cmon literally itself could be the plot to an Oceans movie#RBR/teams sponsored by RB were so much fun back in the day!!#they had several back to back movie promotions which all were pretty fun! just a shame neither team was good back then#it was Oceans 12->SW:ROTS->Superman right? i can't remember if there was another#such a shame that neither mark nor seb were in RBR in 2005 when RBR was promoting ROTS#i think i actually wouldve exploded if there were pics of them w hayden or ewan(my prev fandom haha)#f1#formula 1#formula one#mark webber#matt damon
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I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.
#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it#like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago#so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows#but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown#AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS#1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject#and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS#or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's#AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way#okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there.#also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that#well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there#ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE#also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines#IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT#AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS#i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen.#its VITAL that that did not happen!!!!#its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan#and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died#SO. logically it must have been like#fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?)#and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist?#like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote?#that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro#god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke.#NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW#in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw)#does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab????#oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute
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all r-dfem blogs on here are always posting 3 things: a) most vitriolic disgusting display of shaming people for how they look which almost always implicitly or explicitly aligns with some kind of eugenics or racism, b) how everyone who isnt them or disagrees with them is stupid or misguided or has no hope left for them, and c) how lonely and isolated they feel all the time . I wonder when they will join the dots
#like. i do know people who self identify as radfems and they are nice they dont fit these bullet points#but like. that polite persona they exert is a mask for either a LOT of bitterness and a huge lack of empathy. or a lot of self hatred#that is then expressed by being so unnecessarily mean to other people behind their backs 😭#and im all for being mean occasionally im not one to cry and clutch my pearls when people are cunts to other people#but when theres a specific pattern of being mean to specific people (often other women and especially transfems)#for specific things (looks & taste & intelligence). well then its a problem innit#and then theyre also horrible about men which is like. Whatever. but i am off the belief that making fun of anyone#for their looks or appearance or their body and things that they cant help is just so fucking shallow and bleak and stupid#theres plenty of things to make fun of men for like soooooooooooo so many things#and yet the most popular way of doing it. or the one that a lot of these people (radfems and adjacent) think is either most funny#or most cathartic is making fun of mens appearance#so what if hes ''ugly'' and has male pattern baldness and a thick chin and big nose or whatever. i thought we were here to#idk. dismantle the patriarchy. knock men down a notch on the hierarchy. criticise a culture that encourages misogyny#call out the abuse and belittlement of women by men every day. you know. the things intrinsic to our society because of#capitalism and patriarchy and conservativism etc.#NOT perpetuating the culture that shames people for things that they cant change#and if they WANT to change these aspects youre shaming them for they have to spend ludicrous amounts of money#this is the mindset that makes me think bitch we are never getting out of capitalism !!!!!!!!!!#starting shaming behaviours not looks like im BEGGING YOU!!!!!!!!!!#okay thats all i have to say im really sick of this. and some of my mutuals do this and its really upsetting me sorry .
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Listen. I was a Harry Potter kid. I read those books over and over again for probably a decade. I get it, okay? But any and all virtues that people ascribe to them are true of countless other children's book series. Many of which are less intensely bigoted. Obviously, the fact that Harry Potter became so insanely popular is indicative of something in them, whether that be engaging characters, entertaining worldbuilding, whatever, so I won't say that they're totally bad with no redeeming qualities. But they simply aren't that unique! Stop saying that they're groundbreaking or complex for whatever reason! They aren't! And like, if you have the books and want to keep rereading them or whatever I'm not gonna tell you to stop, you aren't hurting anyone. But I am begging people to recognize that the reason they like them is nostalgia, and that they are not the fucking holy grail of fantasy or children's writing. You want kids books which tackle the way adults can be wrong and hurtful and ignorant? Read A Series of Unfortunate Events. You want the escapism of being whisked off to an extraordinary world underneath this one? Read Percy Jackson. You want magical boarding school? Read A Wizard of Earthsea. There are so many other series to choose from stop fucking praising JKR her books aren't that impressive
#sorry for the rant im watching misfits and magic and the first adventuring party made me mad#erika saying 'yeah i loved the fact that kids stood up and fought back!' you mean like every kids series?#the genre that has child protagonists and gives kids agency and power because the targeted audience is children who want to feel powerful?#pretty sure there are other book series that did that mx ishii!#jesus im just so fucking sick of people acting like hp is extraordinary. theyre okay. they were fun and engaging to read#move on.
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I hate having to navigate phone menu things when you call a doctors office or something like fuck if I know what dept I need?? YOU told me to call you! 😩
Drs was like heyyyy your insurance is coming up inactive... call us? And upload the pics while you're at it
👉👈
Like bite me asshole, my insurance was put in correctly when I went to see the one dr in your office, it's not my fault that when I had to go back a week later your system swapped back to my old insurance. Which I corrected by the way. 😒
#and im HUNGRY too so like this all around just sucks#i did the 'call back this number' virtual spot holder thing where they put your number in a queue and you'll be called back when theyre good#anyways im sick of this shit agdggdgdg#i had to navigate like 3 menus just to get to the billing dept and idk if thats even right then they were like okay whyre you calling? A B#or C? okay press 3 then bitch :) now wait on hold for an hour :) fuck you 👍#marquilla#did i mention im hungry bc my stomach wont shut the fuck up ab it
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I'm not gonna be responding to these anymore, I don't want to have to think about this rn, but I'm keeping the posts up
#phandom#dp#this isnt me backing down im just taking a sick day and Do Not need this rn#actually disgusting that this many people in our community is just. openly okay with this#and theyre turning it on me. as if im the one glorifying it wtf#not allowing asks on main#i really dont want to associate with this fandom anymore. any hope i had for it not being that bad is lost on me#and i hate drama and negativity and i feel like im fsrming that by responding to so many of these#i deleted a lot of other responses i was too tiref to deal with but still#might just block phandom tags altogether. i just dont know atp#ive had literally only two sane people respond out of the dozen unhinged messages#and that just doesnt feel good at all honesty. like what happened#sorry if this is overdramatic in anyway. i originally just dropped a post i thought no one would see#cause viewing this content after having blocked tags was disturbing to me#and a lot of people saw it. and a majority of those people were very outwardly okay w this#i dont gaf if its fiction. if you fantasize about that sort of thing youre disgusting and i wsnt nothing to do with you. end of story#tw pompuspep#tw
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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
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stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN
#personal#SAW A POST. LOST MY MIND#''nothing changed u mistook a man for a butch and were attracted to them so really youre just small minded and should be okay with that#attraction bc clearly you hate yourself <3''#This Is The Lesbophobia We Are Talking About When You Guys Pretend We Cant Have Boundaries#like ohhh ishould just love a man instead <3 i should change my sexuality for you <3 i should just fuck guys huh <3#how fucking dismissive of our experiences. how deeply sick and disgusting of you. i hope ur an adult so i wont feel bad ripping ur hair out#like how dare you! how dare you tell me NOTHING changed. how dare you look me in the eye and tell me that its the same#its not! its not. sorry some people are comfortable with labels that assert boundaries xoxo to you but im a lesbian bc i like women. not bc#i have an aesthetic attraction to a person. if i see a butch i think oh! a butch! a fellow lesbian! and am attracted#turns out to be a guy? oh! not a butch! not a fellow lesbian! nevermind :) and omg i am so normal for that <333#like god. GOD. what a fucking piece of shit to tell lesbians we should just Let ourselves be attracted to men bc we secretly do anyway#top ten reasons i hate associating with ppl who flout no labels like it works for you im glad but you keep shoving that down my throat#and im going to commit vehicular manslaughter#i have boundaries for a reason! i am attracted to women! i dont like men! WHAT IS SO HARD TO GET THROUGH YOUR HEAD#stop TELLING every lesbian theyre secretly bi but theyre repressing and too attached to the label i will FUCKING kill you#ANYWAY. IGNORE ME LMFAO
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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god i really went THREE FUCKING YRS without getting sick i was being so goddamn careful but then my parents got smth and foolish me, didnt step up the level of precaution i was taking around them, and lo and behold, im almost definitely sick
#toy txt post#grumping#AS SOON AS I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK AND DONT HAVE ANYMORE DAYS OFF TOO. GOD. I GUESS ILL FUCKING ASK TOMORROW#IF THEY WANT ME THERE OR NOT. obviously i will be wearing a mask. just. augh#the annoying part is i WAS taking precautions around my parents. wearing a mask around them. etc.#but foolish me let my door be open cos the room is a little warm. so their air conditioner just blasted all their Sick Air right into my#fucking bedroom ig. i have a hepa filter running all the time but it wasnt enough ig#and like. you know. at night when they were in bed id dare to be unmasked outside my room. my mistake ig#i ate food they made. i was wearing a mask around them but not the best mask i couldve cos that one does hurt my nose after awhile#i was wearing a mask around them but i wasnt likiting contact as much as i shouldve. they kept opening my door and coming into my room#before id gotten up so i couldnt get a mask on in time. etc. see. all on me i shouldve known better/s#idk. just. frustrated. i try to take my silly little precautions in a way that not fucking obtrusive to them#cos god forbid. god forbid i ask them to like. idk. wear a mask if theyre going to come in my room while Actively Sick.#or like. not be All Over The House Coughing. idk. fucking whatever. im the unreasonable one i know. my symptoms are not currently that bad#dont know if its covid#doesnt feel worth bothering to do a rapid test cos i keep hearing theyre not picking up new strains anyway and who fucking knows#idk!#i should try to get a little more sleep ig#feels like ill be okay im just fucking. mad
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Unfortunately that kitten had to go back to her foster mom who. I am pretty sure is going to be fired from the shelter we work with because holy fuck she was The worst -_- god she was cute tho im glad i got to spend time with her today
#like at first she was here with her mom who was a beautiful grey cat#but. she was not doing well. something was very wrong. she didnt move at all the entire day#she had brown pus in her eyes#her breathing was uneven. all she could do was move her eyes around really#so we called her to say we need you to come pick her up and get her checked out because she is really sick#and this bitch snaps at us like 'okay well actually shes fine' and just complains at us for making her come back to get her#and we're like. ok man like your cat is very ill sorry for being concerned about not only her health but her babys health too#let ALONE the health of allll the other animals that come into our store + families petting her that may bring back the illness to their own#animals...#anyway so they finally come back to pick her up and its two of them. one is level headed and the other was the bitch lol#like my coworker had taken them out and was sanitizing the cage and she goes 'well thats STUPID theyre from the same home'#and we start to explain that it doesnt fckin matter were doing what we can to keep the kitten as healthy as possible#but luckily het sister or whoever it was cut her off and was like 'nono thats what they should do. thats what vets do im glad theyre doing#that' and then she was like yelling and yada yada yada#anyway. they FINALLY turn to leave but just before she turns around and goes 'oh by the way i brought another cat to replace the mom.#just dont expect him to be bubbly since you expect cats to be so energetic. hes 9'#like. first of all. its fucking insane that you briught another cat in the first place cuz what happens if the kitten is already sick now#second of all. she adds 'also they havent met each other yet. bye'#LIKE WHAT!!!!!!! THE FUCK DO YOU M3AN THEY HAVENT MET EACH OTHET#YOU JUST LEAVE US WITH ONE POSSIBLY INFECTED KITTEN ANNND A SENIOR CAT THAT HASNT EVEN MET THIS KITTEN???!?!?!?#and were supposed to just leave them together overnight and hope for the best???? BITCH#so yeah anyway we ended up having to call the shelter who called the foster mom Again. thankfully her sister showed up to take them both#but then her fckin sister didnt even tell her she was supposed to take bith cats it was sooo. what a night man#just wow lol#thank u 4 coming to my pet store rant
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I have got to get worse at my job cus no way can keep letting them rely on me like this
#work tag#got on shift on Sunday and my manager pulled me aside when i clocked in to say thank god youre here i need you on front theyre an absolute#mess over there theyve got orders waiting nearly twenty minutes i need you to figure out whats going on and whip them into shape i know you#can just get all those order out right away just put them where you want them so you can clear that screen. and i did sort it in under 5#despite there having been 3 people on front before i got there which is more than enough people to deal with just 6 orders and yet#and today several people called in sick and one of my managers asked if i wanted some extra hours i said depends when she was like just#until ten tonight which is only an extra hour later than i finish but ive already expressed im not comfortable finishing at 9 for only a#8 hour shift cus its an hour walk back and thats far to go by myself in the dark but i agreed anyway one of my other managers then asked if#i was okay to get home if i stayed that late cus obviously there must be a reason i dont usually stay that late i was like im only walking#so it doesnt really matter but it is gonna be late to be walking back but its fine manager then comes back again and asks if i could stay#til 11 ive only done an 11 once before when they were understaffed again and she did the same but i was wary to agree to the 11 cus thats#reeeally late to be doing such a long walk by myself again other manager is like you dont have to agree to anything youre not comfortable#with then argued to the manager that ive got to walk home and i shouldnt stay however im thinking it over as i make my break and approach#the actual shift runner for this evening and suggest i stay until 12 instead cus thats when my work bestie is finishing and if we finish at#the same time i can then walk back with her instead of just doing the 10 and honestly i need the hours but i shouldnt be so relied on tbh
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#personal#does anyone else feel like its a little bit#6 years without uploading they come back with some ads#cant make unsponsored vids its bout getting that bag#is this just me? i support making bank however one can in this world but it does feel like#like its just a lot yknow? like the frequency of any genuine video made for passion instead of money#they just seem few and far between. im sure theres a dragon contract or something but im so fucking sick of hearing about flamesusan tbh#hm whatever consider this my overstimulated need to have a pissed off rant about something today but it feels weird#the channel feels weird 😕 i still very much admire and respect the boys and i support them supporting their lifestyle#idk how to explain it just feels like theres a looot of ads and very little genuine enjoyment from creating lately like the last#idk 7 or 8 months ive noticed it but maybe its always been like this. or maybe its been like this since the revival idfk im so tired dudes#im so fucking sick to death of living in an internet world and not being able to go even 10 minutes without an ad#or a double ad or an ad right before a sponsor segment or just fucking. its just fucking EVRYWHERE I WANT TO BURN EARTH DOWN AND START AGAIN#nuke it the second anyone invents ads again and keep restarting until we eliminate themmmmmm FUCK#like i just want the comfort content of their voices and personalities but its continuously interrupted#and their personalities dont seem to hold the same level of compassion or passion these days#and surely these things must be related. like the internet will miss yall if you left but its okay to stop youtube. its okay to find#literally any other job if being payed to pretend to care about a pixel dragon and finding any uncreative excuse to make a video#just for the sole purpose of going around your advertisement (so you can claim youre making content and give them a reason to keep sponsorin#if that aint it for you chief then do literally anything else with your time. find employment elsewhere#i know a lot of the tubers and esp the ones that have been doing it for so long think they mighnt be able to get or do any other job#but i promise this just isnt true!#make from the heart again! now that youre not being straight you should have the most freedom to create from the heart!#but theyre not! it feels more repressed and in the closet than the actual time they were in the closet! (or though they were we been knew)#but it feels! so uncomfortable! so unnatural! the videos theyve been making lately feel like theyre aliens hiding in skinsuits#desperately trying to make video advertisements about products their top researchers have assured them that humans like!#but they cant make a whole video of just ad because humans dont like that so put some other crap in there. just enough#to make the stupid humans THINK theyre not just watching an ad. content? no doesnt matter just do some garbage for a few mins#humans are idiots theyll watch anything just try not to look so uncomfortable in your human suits so it seems natural#but it doesnt feel natural. it feels gross and fake and bad. and worse because they are. or rather were. comfort content for me
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slept in until 10am I haven't been able to do this in over a month 😭
#i had some rly horrid dreams i dont even wanna talk abt that woke me up at 6:55 (my usual weekend wakeup time)#and then i had some other very specific less bad but still not great dreams -> 8:30. and then just weird ones until i woke up now#so sick of my brain sometimes. i wish i could sleep without dreaming ive never been able to in my entire fucking life#and its probably a genetic thing bc i recently found out my mum is exactly the same. except for her its more of a trauma thing#like she has recurring nightmares most nights etc. i do have a lot of bad dreams but idk if i would call them nightmares#and theyre always different anyway....#its easy to tell why im dreaming abt what im dreaming abt tho. dont need any psychoanalysis#one of the dreams involved my ex tho which threw me a lot. i havent dreamt abt them in years.. even when we dated i never dreamt abt them#well. nice to see their face again i suppose. i guess i have been thinking abt them a bit lately#i always think abt them when i feel like this.. id never been closer to anyone before them. and i havent been since#we were best friends for a really long time + i miss having that. they kept my feet on the ground#but thats ancient history now#i need to get up and eat and take meds sigh#and then figure out my list of chores for this weekend. and do them#argh.... okay okay getting a shirt on so i can leave my room lets do this#.diaries
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