#THEN SHE WAS THERE FOR THE ENTIRE EP AND I FELT LIKE SOBBING

[joskippy]

they made that episode for ME..........NILANJANA..........NILANJANA MY BEAUTIFUL DARLING WIFE I MISSED YOU.....

[thepinkdreamganjaqueen]

Focus On Me

Randall Kirkland x Fem!Reader 

Masterlist 🩷

Summary: Y/N is the newest arrival to the township. Amongst all the townsfolk, she takes a liking to the most unlikable guy in town when things go awry at the colony house. How will she survive the night? 

Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, 18+, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, piv, unprotected sex, DubCon (kinda), breeding, public sex, exhibitionism, drug use, mentions of DV, mentions of violence (murder), swearing, fem!reader, romantic smut, aftercare (he deserves that and more!) 

A/N: Randall Kirkland needs love, y'all!! You know, under that cold abrasive exterior, he's a total softie with a good heart! From is such a great show, I love Randall and will protect him at all costs!!! Story is cannon, no spoilers for new season, but it's definitely the reason I wrote it… especially after ep. 6. Randall is baby girl!! Please enjoyyy! I love and appreciate you all! Feel free to reach out anytime! I welcome all interaction!  

Word Count: 5.4k

FOCUS ON ME

Stepping back into colony house was heavy after last night. Donna and Boyd were outside at first light to cover and remove the body of yet another victim to these creatures. You often reminisced of your days before this nightmare you were trapped in. Wishing, hoping to wake up. You arrived in the township by yourself, close to sunset. The folks at colony house were welcoming albeit, strange. You understood now. Often disassociating from the truth and drowning yourself in a journal or sneaking off to vape THC, often walking in the woods, trying to make sense of things, to find… something. Like everyone's first night, you struggled to take in what this place was, what it did to people, not wanting or willing to trust anyone. There was no answers or information as to why this was all happening, no one communicated, and you felt alone. Everyone else seemingly accepting their fates. Except one person. A guy by the name of Randall who people whispered about in the colony house. After hearing some not so stellar rumors about fighting and guns, you initially opted to stay away. Not just from him but closing yourself off to others as well. Sure, some of them seemed nice, but you knew no one or the circumstances that led you to this place. It just didn’t make sense. It was hard to trust anyone, truly. 

After your third night here, you awoke from maybe two hours of sleep to find people rummaging through your things. Personal items mixed with sentimental items that you once thought held value. You were in the middle of a move, taking only your most precious items with on the initial voyage from Key West to Seattle escaping from a violent DV situation literally upheaving your entire life. A new life, new beginnings and new opportunities you had once looked forward to. That was before the tree appeared in the road and the crows circled above.  

The car alarm was jarring waking you from an unrestful sleep, you bolted out the door to see people with handfuls of your clothes, bagging up your journals and other personal effects. It felt as if they were taking what was left from your old life, what made you, you. Without hesitation you started ripping your items from the hands of the thieves. One of the women started yelling while trying to yank back your things, you didn’t hear her and acted out, launching a solid fist into her jaw causing her to fall back as others went to restrain you trying to talk about the rules, and other things you were too upset to hear.  

This place was already loathsome enough, you thought. “You can't take my things!” You yelled as people held you back, each holding one arm. You bucked and screamed until they let go and you fell to the ground. A crowd had begun to form on the porch, watching you. You could feel the heat of anger and embarrassment rise in your cheeks. You pant in defeat, looking at the ground sobbing as people loaded your things into the home. Boots appeared in front of you and a hand reached down. A deep voice spoke out “Here, stand up” You recognized the face immediately as Randall, who had wandered over after hearing the commotion. Him and some folks from town were trying to build some kind of radio tower near the garden.  

You took his hand and stood, dusting off the front of your pants where wet dirt had stained your knees. “Don’t let them see you like this” he whispered. “Give her back her shit!” He yelled to the crowd. Donna stepped forward demanding everyone calm down, she then firmly reminded Randall of the rules if “she” wanted to stay here. “As a community, we have to share everything equally” she had said to him while looking at you. “My journals? My clothes? Are you serious? Its all I have!” You said wanting to swing again but refraining, what good would it do. Your stuck with everyone here anyway. “That or you can do as Randall here did and leave if you don't like the rules” she said directly to you in a condescending manor.  

You storm off in a huff, not wanting to display any more emotion than you already have. You walked away fists clenched and head down when you heard footsteps beside you. “Thank you.” You said. Looking up and meeting his eyes. It was Randall. His smoldering gaze made your breath catch in your throat. He stood at least a foot or more taller than you, athletic build, clean shaved buzz cut, hazel-green eyes, and a dimpled chin. Funny you thought, all the talk about him, how terrible he is, how difficult he can be, and yet he was the only person to stick up for you.  

“Its bullshit, you know it, I know it. They tried that with me too when I got here.” He said as you two continued walking away. “What did you do? Did you get your things back?” You asked. “Yeah eventually, and they kicked me out because of it. Didn’t want to follow their rules” he said with a half grin. “I stay in the bus away from everyone else.” He lamented. Explaining how Donna had showed him how to use the talisman and wished him luck as he took his things. "Wow. What a peach," you said. “I'm Randall, by the way” he said while sticking a hand out. You reached to shake it “Y/N” you replied.  

It was nice talking to someone, you had felt alone here for the past few days, even more so when they began taking your things, it felt like your identity being stripped away. He seemed to understand, and vice versa, you understood him and his reasoning. He had already come to terms with some new truths about this place having been here longer, but you were still taking it all in, or rather, bottling it up and pushing it away. Whatever worked really. “So, where are you going?” He asked while walking beside you. “I guess, just for a walk to clear my head. Wanna come?” You asked, flashing a smile at him. “Sure. Anything to get away” you both chuckled as you led the way to the tree line. 

You learned a lot from him that day you first met him. You exchanged stories of your lives before, where you were going, what you were doing prior. He spoke candidly with you. It was truly refreshing. Sure, he was abrasive and blunt. You could see that on the surface, but somewhere below, you could see he was kind, that he cared, and that he, like the rest of us, was scared. You found it easy to talk to him and it was nice having conversations that didn’t completely revolve around death or scary night serial killer creatures. It was a nice escape from reality, one you both suffered from and needed badly. Spending much of your walk laughing and cracking jokes. His humor was dark much like your own, something you appreciated. You quickly found yourself wanting to talk to him all the time. He was relatable and understanding. He exuded strength and confidence and a no bullshit demeanor. Everyone else seemed so fake, or so lost. 

Although your conversations mostly remained light, he did speak about the people here too, about not trusting anyone, and how no one has really done anything or tried to figure this all out. He explained that living in the bus was hard, the creatures came every night like a routine, he studied them closely. Trying to find weaknesses, vulnerabilities, any information really. You two had stopped for a while. You remembered you had your pen in your pocket and asked him if he was ok with it. "Do you mind if I uh" you said as you wiggled the pen in your fingers. “Nah” he said with a grin. He stood taking stock of the environment you found yourselves in as smoke billowed from your lips into the cold morning air. You nonchalantly hold the pen out to him while also examining the environment. He looked down and grabbed the pen before clicking the button and drawing from the mouthpiece. Eliciting a couple small coughs from him. “Thanks, needed to take the edge off” he said while trying to catch his breath as you two began the trek back to town. You hadn't wandered off too far, never did in fear of getting lost before dark.  

He walked back to colony house with you. You didn’t want to go back, wasn’t ready to after this morning but nightfall approached. Randall stopped at the steps as you ascended. “Thank you, for today. I was really struggling, so, I appreciate you talking with me. It was nice.” You said with a coy smile. He nodded “Tomorrow we’ll get your stuff back okay.” He said. “Thank you, please be safe.” You lamented, truly hoping he made it through the night. You at least found solace in knowing you made a friend here. Knowing that made you feel less alone, but when you were on the couch at night as the creatures roamed the streets as Randall watched. You felt more alone than ever. A resident walked by wearing your shoes. You rolled your eyes and turned over, waiting for the night to be over. Tomorrow you would get your things back. You decided you weren't coming back to colony house. Maybe you could stay with someone in town, but you just couldn’t stay sane in a house full of people, especially when they were taking your things. You drifted off thinking of Randall, and what it must be like to stay on the bus at night.  

You were awoken by screaming. Someone had gotten killed last night and their body was left in the road in town. You heard residents chatter as Donna left to help dispose of the body. Before your mind could fully wake your body pulled itself up and ran for the door. You walked over to town, not wanting to see the body, but wanting to make sure it wasn’t Randall. A crowd formed around the body as Boyd tried to control the commotion with his hands waving telling people to move back. The bus was down the street a bit further away when you saw the door open and Randall step out to see what happened, who had gotten killed. Boyd gave his speech about safety at night and not trusting the creatures. You found yourself walking over to the bus where Randall stood arms crossed leaning against the open door. He straightened as you approached. “Let's go get your things” he said. “No one needs your journals and shit but you!” He said while starting to walk.  

The crowds were all down near the diner speculating about last night's murder. Only one or two people were at the house. You began collecting your personal effects from the rooms and basement where much of it was stored, mixed with other linens in a chest. “What if they don’t let me stay anymore” you said, voice full of concern. Randall set a bag down thinking for a moment. “Then you can stay in the bus with me.” The words sent shivers down your spine. The bus seemed so unsafe; he spoke about how vulnerable it made him feel. No shades for the windows, no pretending like everything is ok at night like the others have the luxury of doing. But it also excited you in a way. Randall was the only person here you’ve connected with, and on a deep level. You felt compelled to stay with him for reasons that can only be blamed on your hormones and lack of social life here. Maybe you would both be better off if neither of you were alone. You could feel heat rise in your cheeks as you continued to pack your things and head for the bus. 

After dropping off your things to the bus Randall was kind enough to help you carry, you both opted for another walk in the woods. It was a calmer environment; it was almost like being taken away from the commotion and despair that was the township and the townsfolk. Randall was a breath of fresh air. He saw through the bullshit and told it like it is. You appreciated his directness, especially when it came to you. “They think what they're doing is right, but they have no idea, no one does" you could sense the frustration in his voice. An emotion you shared. You agreed. “I get people are scared, we all are, but why can't anyone come together and think of something more than a temporary fix. These talismans are Band-Aids over a bigger issue were almost ignoring or just not trying hard enough to figure out. How many people are here, have been here, with nothing to show for it? With no answers as to why or how?” Randall shook his head. “See, you get it” he said as he reached to grab the pen from your hand.  

You two had found a log to sit and chat. Remarking at the landscape, trying to find something, anything really. Every answer he found only led to more questions, but at least he was trying rather than ignoring it like nothing ever happened. Like we all just chose to live here, to be here. Neither him nor you accepted that sentiment. He wanted out just like you did. But in the meantime, at least you had each other in a way.  

He never said anything but it seemed like he enjoyed your company. Willingly going on walks with you and talking for hours about anything. You were both a nice distraction for each other from the daily depression of existence within the confines of this horrible place. You found solace in him. A warm presence like protection and safety. That night you two had stayed awake for the most part talking through the screeches and screaming heard in the distance. Helping one another to ignore the words of the creatures when they would tap on the bus windows asking to come inside. It was scary but you two got through it.  

He had been used to this for some time. As used to it as someone could get, you supposed. But he was able to help you through your first night on the bus. “Focus on me” he said when they wandered to the window at the seat you occupied. He sat next to you and reached for your hand squeezing tightly. “Just focus on me”. The words he spoke echoed in your mind that evening until it darkened with slumber.  

You must have drifted off at some point because you awoke at first daylight as the sun began streaming into the windows. Randall was still sitting next to you. Had he held your hand all night? You must have fallen asleep on him. He could have shifted or asked you to move so he could sleep as well. But he didn’t. He sat there with you all night as your head rest upon his shoulder. When you moved, he jumped suddenly, eyes shot open and looking around. “Hey, hey, it's okay.” You said grabbing his leg and shaking it gently. He immediately relaxed.  

“Bad dream?” You asked. “No. No I uh, I just never really fall asleep in here. Sorry.” He spoke in a soft voice. “I haven't been able to sleep much at all my self since I've been here. But I was able to last night. I have you to thank for that” you looked on as he processed what you said. “Don’t worry about it. I should uh, thank you too. Having you here I guess, made it easier for me. Not having to be alone when those things show up.” He said clearing his throat and shifting slightly in his seat. “I appreciate you letting me sleep here. And I'm sorry about falling asleep on you” you said sheepishly.  

He grabbed your hand once more “Like I said, don’t worry about it.” A light smile lingered on his lips before he left. He had gone up to colony house again. Him and a few others that he was able to gather, had left to scavenge materials for the radio tower they were building. He would be gone for a while, so you spent your day mostly in the woods searching for answers, stopping by the diner for a quick meal then returning to the bus before nightfall.  

You sat in the fourth row back from the entrance. There was a break in seating here and room for your things in front of you without feeling crowded. This was normally where he would sit. You sat and journaled about your day, about last night. Jotting down ideas, possible relations between happenings and the effects, trying to make sense of things. The familiar ding of the nightly bell Boyd used to warn the townsfolk rang on the distance as the sky began to darken.  

You realized Randall wasn’t back at the bus yet. Your mind spiraled into worry. You panicked rushing to the bus door closing it and waiting for him to arrive. You looked in all directions when you spot him emerge from by the clinic. He’s running to the bus as those creatures slowly follow behind him ever so menacingly. You open the door before he gets to it yelling for him to hurry. He rushes in and runs to a seat. You shut the door behind him insuring its fully closed then rush to help him. Was he hurt? What was going on? He was frantically tearing at his clothes and swatting as if there was something near him. 

You stepped close to him trying to calm him, it was as if he could hear you but couldn’t respond. You could see he was scared and was seeing something you couldn’t, his eyes flickered looking at something. Not odd for this place but nonetheless, you were concerned. He was back on the bus, but was he actually safe? What happened out there? You wondered as you tried to calm him. “Randall! Hey! It’s me you’re okay!!” You tried to consol him. You grabbed onto him holding his arms and entering his vision. He was sunk into the seat eyes still wide with fear. You put your weight on him, straddling him in the seat grabbing his face trying to redirect his attention. “Randall!” You yelled helplessly. You were scared, unsure what else to do in this moment. Unsure how to help. 

He sat with you on top of him, still unphased. It’s as if he was stuck in a waking nightmare. Suddenly all you could think was to potentially shock his system somehow to take him out of it. "Randall, focus on me, okay?” You lean in quickly, pressing your lips to his, breathing deeply through your nose. Laughter could be heard coming from the creatures that had gathered around the bus. You ignored them. You continued kissing him. Softly pressing your lips to his watching his reaction. His eyes went half lidded before flickering shut.  

His breathing slowed and body stopped trembling. He kissed you back, wrapping his arms around your waist. You embraced it and closed your eyes. You didn’t expect that. You pulled away for a moment examining his expression, wanting to know if he was out of the woods so to speak. “Are you okay?” You asked. He looked at you with surprise. “Why did you do that?” He spoke softly, still holding you to him. “I'm so sorry. I didn’t know what else to do, I just wanted to shock your system or something. I had to pull you out of that! I was scared for you, and you showed up past dark and-" he cut you off suddenly, pulling your face back to his. You melted in his grasp, returning the kiss with fervor. You wrapped your arms around him while he pulled you closer as your tongues searched each other's mouths, teeth clashing as you vigorously and passionately kiss. 

Somewhere outside there was knocking at the windows of the bus as the creatures taunted you. Neither him nor you paid attention. Your focus remained on each other. As long as the talisman hung from the frame of the bus within and the doors and windows were shut, you were fine as far as you knew. Not accounting for whatever happened to Randall. Regardless of what it was you were able to redirect his attention and pull him back, putting his focus back on you. 

Moans escaped your lips as his hands caressed your back, sides, and hips, rocking you on him. You could begin to feel the stillness grow in his pants. It was hard to ignore as it pressed against your thigh. His hands slid under the backside of your shirt; you could feel the cold air from the bus creep underneath. You took a moment to pull your shirt up over your head, fully immersing yourself in the heat of the moment. You weren't even thinking about those things outside watching. Let them, you thought. 

You caught his gaze after removing your shirt, his eyes met yours with a look of longing. You felt the same, the need. You had only been alone here for less than a week, he had been here for months. You could only imagine how alone he must have felt. Your heart ached for him, but your body lusted. You could feel heat envelope every part of you, concentrating in your groin where you began to throb for him. Your hand wandered his body, exploring every muscle, every curve and line, tracing it with your fingers, following where it led. He continued rocking your hips into him, his face now stern with concentration as he looked in your eyes watching you squirm as he rocked you slowly forward then slowly back. 

The look in his eyes as he watched you soaked your panties, that, and the friction he applied. But the way he looked at you, like he needed you, drove the innermost primal part of you absolutely insane. You began rocking with his grip, pushing yourself onto his stillness. Your head flung back as he began pressing kisses to your décolletage, biting at the fleshy mounds beneath your bra breathing heavily. 

You slid a hand between you and him down to his waistline tugging at the buttons on his jeans. He motioned to undo them and took them and his boxers off. You stood and slid your pants and panties down as well, taking them off completely before returning to his lap. You grabbed his shoulders to steady yourself as you put your knees on either side of him, while he slapped your ass. You cried out at the sting of the slap that reverberated through the silence of the bus. He looked up at you and grinned, rubbed up your thighs to your backside, grabbing a handful of flesh in each hand and bringing you in for another passionate kiss.  

Your chest heaved against his as you lustfully devoured him. You could feel him even firmer now. You were soaking wet; he must feel it you thought as you mindlessly grinded against his length. After breaking from the kiss, you lean your forehead to his looking into his eyes then down at your hand that was moving to grip him. He gasped as you took hold of him, stroking him slowly as you looked into his eyes. He was rock hard and throbbing. His tip sticky with precum. You used your fingers to spread it around before scooting yourself against him and sliding his length up and down your slit.  

Your hand held him firm to you as you slightly moved up and down. His manhood throbbing against your clit as he slid so easily against your slick cunt. He had been pawing at your flesh, squeezing, pinching and scratching at your back as you teased him. His face buried between your breasts sucking and biting. He would reach up and grab them and caress them, running his tongue over them leaving a trail of cooled skin behind that made you shiver every time he breathed.  

He would look up at you periodically, watching your face enjoy him. The hand you used to hold him against you slowly started applying pressure until he was at your entrance, and you slowly slid down, taking time to accept his size within you. You cried out as he breached, just the tip making you want more. You slid down fully, watching his face contort as you forced him inside you. You were dripping wet yet he was quite substantial, so you felt yourself stretch as he entered.  

You wrap your arms around his neck as you start to slowly grind and bounce on top of him. His hands were back at your hips trying to control the speed, pushing you down on him harder each time. His look was stern as he focused on you, looking directly into your eyes as he met every bounce of yours with a thrust of his own. Each thrust drawing a cry from you. Your moans and cries of passion paired with his grunts and heavy breathing, drowned out all the outside noise. All the screaming all the nightmarish things just beyond the windows were now worlds away. They could probably hear you over at colony house with how intense it was, how loud he had you. You pick up your knees bringing your feet onto the seat on either side of him, grabbing his shoulders as you continue to ride him. 

His head fell back against the seat eyes closed as he used his hands placed under your thighs to help lift you as you rose and fell against his length. A look of relaxation and serenity you had never seen on him before. You provided a peaceful temporary escape for him. You watched as his chest rose and fell with each panting breath that escaped his lips. You watched how his lips quivered with each passing exhale. You reach a hand up from his shoulders and caress his face softly, he burrowed his cheek into your embrace. You cradled him as he looked at you adoringly. You wondered what he was thinking. 

You felt his grip tighten on your thighs as he grabbed you and flipped you onto the seat. He hovered above you as you pulled your knees to your chest. He pushed heavily against you, leaning into your knees, filling you completely. He leaned back slightly, grabbing behind your knees, placing your ankles upon his shoulders as he began drilling into you. The pain he must have experienced here, the things he's seen. You couldn’t imagine. You wanted him to take it all out on you, to have you exactly how he would want. All of his frustrations, anger, and fear, pounded into your readily waiting cunt. You wanted to give him that release, anything to take the pain away, even if only for a moment. 

Your legs clung loosely around his neck as he continued pressing his weight against you, forcing loud moans to escape your lips every time he buried himself within you, hitting your cervix. He was so enveloped in you. Watching your face twist with every thrust against you.  

He needed this, but so did you, perhaps neither one of you knew. It would have eventually led here though you thought.  He was the only one in town you found yourself able to relate to, the only one who stood up for you. Whatever ideas or thoughts people had about him were wrong. They just didn’t know him or understand him. This place makes people crazy; everyone reacts differently. It’s a big change to adapt to that no one wants to. 

Enveloped in your thoughts about him as the pleasure began to become overwhelming, you pulled your legs back down spreading them wide and wrapping them around his back as you tugged on his shirt, pulling him in for another passionate kiss. Holding him as close to you as you could. You took his tongue into your mouth, sucking it and pulling from the kiss with a gentle bite to his lip. This only made his motions increase furiously. He slammed into you continuously, teeth gritted, eyes narrow. A wave of pleasure washed over you emanating from your core, a sensation that began taking over your entire body. You clawed at his back, leaving red lines trailing your fingernails, it made him shiver under your touch. He could tell you were close; he was too. “Please, don’t stop!” You cooed in his ear.  

The creatures still outside could be heard chattering near the windows. Why were they watching? Maybe it mattered, maybe it didn’t. Right now, it didn’t, Randall was your focus and you-his. You had managed to pull him from his waking nightmare, however difficult that may have been. You did it, you helped him. Whatever control they had over him, was not present when he was with you. 

Hearing your plea, he maintained his rhythm as your legs began to quiver and shake around him. You squeezed your legs tightly around him as you arched your back, meeting his thrusts with your own enthusiasm. Still holding him close, his forehead resting against yours, your eyes watched each other approach the precipice of climax, focusing only on one another. You could feel him begin to pulsate within you as your own climax began to coalesce. Your walls clenching tightly around him as he buried himself to the hilt. No longer able to hold on. As your own climax eclipsed his. The pulsating of his member echoed by your own quivering climax. You both erupted. Your moans filling the air of the bus and beyond. The feeling, immeasurable, as he let out an animalistic groan, thrusting into you with every pulsating shot of his essence that painted your insides. You could feel each pump, burning you from within, a fire you so badly desired.  

His face relaxed, shoulders dropped, every ounce of tension left his body with his seed, spilled deep within you. Your bodies, both shaking with exhaustion and satisfaction. Temporary focus offering temporary relief for you both. He slumped beside you cradling you to him with his large arms wrapped around you. You felt his breath on your neck, still heavy but slowing, his stillness pressed against your back as pearls of his desire dripped from your core, slowly leading a trail down your thigh.  

He pulled a blanket draped over the seat behind him and spread it over you and him with one arm. You turned your head slightly to him and raised a palm to stroke his cheek as you planted a kiss upon his lips before turning back around. He looked at you admiringly, his eyes soft and a smile that touched the corners of his lips. He kissed the back of your head before cradling himself in the crook of your neck as he held you close to him. "Thank you for letting me stay here with you.” You felt him nod and his arms squeeze you tighter. “I'm not going anywhere; you don’t have to tell me what's going on if you don’t want to. Just know I'm here, you're not alone, and my focus is on you.” You spoke candidly in loving voice. He only nuzzled his face into your neck further, peppering your shoulder with light kisses as he quickly drifted to sleep. 

[bitterbutblue]

What if i request Robin x Fem!Reader where Robin felt a bit pressured from the media and as her beloved girlfriend you help her relief stress :33

It can be fluff or smut, i dont rlly care i just want more Robinnn content :333

Thank you in advance!!!

Also can i be 🍷 anon? :3

you're not bad, but rather good ☆ robin x fem!reader

~ omg hi!!!! ur my first anon this is so exciting.... i don't do smut but i can totally do fluff.. anything 4 u <3

gonna start naming out the song lyrics i've been using as titles

loveable ~ jo yuri <3 ~

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

Robin's recent comeback- a miserable failure.

Robin's new EP 'Welcome To My World' has been nothing but a colossal failure. With each new album, Robin continues to disappoint- fans are sick of her low effort songs and lack of stage presence. Her comeback stage shows her clearly lack of passion. Just because she has made a name for herself does not mean she can now slack off on stage when fans pay thousands to see her-

You closed the article before you finished reading it. If you continued, you probably would've ended up throwing your phone across the room or do something along the lines of that sort of stupidity that you would end up regretting later. That article was like a knife through the heart for Robin but for you it was a knife through the author's decaying and bleeding out body as you stab that fucker over and over again. Okay, maybe that was too violent but fuck you can't stand to see people say such bullshit about your girlfriend. She called you at work, crying and saying she couldn't do it anymore. You could barely make out her words through her sobs and the bad signal (which led you to believe she was hiding in the bathroom).

"I worked so hard, I don't know what they want from me. I can't-"

"Robin, baby, deep breaths- okay? I'm right here, it's okay."

It infuriates you, how people can run their mouths and say whatever bullshit that comes to their mind just because they're not satisfied with their own miserable lives. Just because they feel like dragging someone down would perhaps make themselves feel better about the fact that someone half their age is more successful than they will ever be. You want to tell her that you'll fucking find them and make their life a living hell but that's definitely not what she wants to hear right now.

"What do they want from me? I'm so tired, I don't wanna do this anymore."

All you really could do was continue to comfort her, hoping that she can pick up what you're saying through the static and cut offs due to bad internet. You just stayed with her until her cries became sniffles and she stated that she has to go before they suspect anything. You swallowed back your worry and just nodded.

"Okay. I love you, Robin.

You can feel her smile from across the phone.

"I love you."

That night you spent the entire evening in the kitchen, prancing around and trying not to burn the eight things you have going on the stove as you flip through your phone to find that recipe for the thing in the oven that looks horrifically bad.

"Ah fuck..."

You check the time- 8:03, she should be back soon. You finally find the recipe page and you feel your heart drop. Fuck, you were supposed to bake it for 30 minutes- not 50! No wonder that shit looked so wrong! You scramble to pull it out of the oven, the timer with 5 minutes left. You groan when you see how it looks- first it looked wrong and now it was probably burnt too. So much for making your girlfriend's favourite dessert.

"Love?"

The soft voice startles you, yelping as you dropped the cake pan.

"Shit!"

Robin stands there in all her glory. She looks exhausted, eye bags worse than before and shoulders sagged but to you she was still the most beautiful woman you have ever laid your eyes on.

"Everything okay?"

She tries to smile at you but it looks so forced. You feel your heart clenching in your chest as you pick up the cake pan from the ground, moving it back onto the counter.

"Baby, just let me take care of you tonight?"

You pull her in close, hugging her tight. She freezes at first, before completely melting in your grasp. She lets out a shaky sigh as she buries her head in the crook of your neck.

"I missed you."

Her voice is muffled against your shoulder but you just smile as you tiptoe to press a kiss to her forehead.

"I missed you so much, baby." You pull away, cupping her face with your hands as you brush your thumb against her cheek. "You look beautiful."

"Don't lie."

She gets flustered so easily, face turning pink as she looks away but she can't stop the small smile from forming on her face.

"I'm not. You look beautiful."

She sighs as she looks back at you, and the tired expression on your usual warm and happy girlfriend really does hurt you. The way the media can tear people down into nothing but the most insecure parts of themselves has always rubbed the wrong way with you but watching it happen to the one you love most is absolutely heartbreaking.

"I made you dinner?"

"I saw."

Her smile is not as forced now as she looks around the kitchen, a soft giggle escaping her lips.

"Quite a mess you made."

You just shoot an embarrassed grin at her as you tried to hide the cake pan behind your back.

"Well, I'm not a good cook."

"I think you did amazing."

She steps forward, caging you between the counter and herself.

"You make the worst days brighter, you know?"

"You make each of my days better. It's only fair I do the same to you."

Robin looks down, playing with her hands.

"I don't deserve you."

"Oh shut up."

The kiss was soft, gentle and loving. She cups your cheeks as she steps closer, bodies pressed against each other as you pour all the love you can convey through a simple act.

"I love you. I really love you so much, Robin." You say breathlessly to her when you pull away. She doesn't say much, only resting her head on your shoulder as she takes your hand into her own, lacing your fingers together.

"And I'm so proud of you for your new comeback. You've worked so hard and it paid off. You keep outdoing yourself and the people who don't see that can fuck off and die."

She sighs.

"No need for the violence, yeah?"

"Violence is always the answer."

You feel your heart flutter when she lets out a soft laugh, like a songbird's first melody of a new spring.

"You do whatever you want." She says, resting a hand on your chest as she leans in to press a quick but soft kiss to your lips. "Thank you- for this."

"Always."

The food you cooked was mostly inedible- resorting to the two of you ordering takeout together but you couldn't care less about the burnt cakes or undercooked mac and cheese. Robin is smiling again, and that's all you wanted to achieve for the night.

Response to: Robin's recent comeback- a miserable failure.

Robinsdog: op do u not have a life

servallandau_official: No one thinks this.

⤷ talesofthewinterlandsfan222: serval spitting facts but also what r u diong here

⤷ servallandau_official: Do I know you?

⤷ talesofthewinterlandsfan222: ENEVRMIND

march4robin: im giong to find u my entire crew is oing to find u we will run out train into u

galaticstelleballer: i am also going to run my train into u. and my bat. both at the same time.

⤷ dh: Guys please.

Sunday_Oakfamily: We are taking this post and the writer off the platform.

The article you are searching for no longer exists.

[funfactbuck]

so you’re telling me….

we have to watch buck watch eddie get shot. see eddie reach for buck before passing out. see buck, covered in eddie’s blood, roll under a truck to pull him to safety, all while calling out for eddie in panicked anguish AGAIN. hear ‘i got you, just stay with me’ and ‘are you hurt?’ see buck’s shell-shocked face and shaking hands. hear ‘he’s got a harder job tonight.’ see buck break down sobbing in relief and comforted by chris. hear bobby talk to athena about what it felt like when he thought he was gonna lose her - ‘i didn’t need to imagine anything, i knew what my life would feel like without you in it and it scared me.’ see buck seamlessly slip into the role of chris’s guardian. hear ‘the team feels off without eddie/not what i was asking about.’ see buck so crazed with guilt over not being able to stop a literal bullet that he recklessly throws himself into danger and makes himself a target. hear ‘what happened to eddie was not your fault/no i was just the guy standing there who couldn’t do anything to protect him.’ see buck run to eddie’s hospital room and his face light up when he sees him awake. hear ‘he doing okay?/better than me.’ see eddie’s disbelieving face at buck saying it would have been better if he’d been shot. hear athena say ‘i got you’ to bobby and that she needed to get her partner back, just to really shine a spotlight on what’s been going on this entire ep. see eddie trust buck with his whole heart when he reveals the contents of his will. hear ‘because, evan…you act like you’re expendable. but you’re wrong.’ see buck be the one to bring eddie home.

we have to go through all of that just for them to NOT end up together?? my head hurts

[ginalongillustrations]

Vox Machina Details

I realized that now that I've completed all of Vox Machina, I wanted to show off the symbols I chose for each member and their designs as some of them I'm super proud of! If you're unsure what any of the symbols are meant to convey, just read blow the line.

Keyleth

(side note, I finished her original version at like ep 35 and had worked so hard to stay away from spoilers so I had no idea what most of the symbols meant and was struggling to think of things)

Kraken- I included it because the kraken fight will go down in my personal history as the fight that was the biggest... slog to get through. You felt the weariness of it as shit just kept repeating, and unfortunately half the table was slightly drunk making everything worse, and it was so pivotal because Vax died and that hastened his deal with the raven Queen and it was Keyleth completing her journey and it was Tary's first real adventure. It also was right after my Roman Empire Vaxleth quote so it had to have a place.

Goldfish -iconic

Acorn- so this is one that has nothing to do with her journey, but it's something I chose to symbolize what I love about her. I love her passion for life and her willingness to protect it. I chose it after she went against Grog during the Whitestone Arc and ran back to help the townsfolk fight the zombie giant. I loved it because she refused to let those people fight on their own to live, and it really stuck with me. Her unadulterated anger at the death of the fire ashari and so many other times she cares about life and I wanted to represent that, so much that I included it in her personal symbol at the top of the designs.

Fire - obvious reasons

Raven feather - gonna represent the love of her life

Snowdrop- yeah Vax got two but I'm so glad I did because that last episode had me sobbing just like Marisha and it's such a symbol of goodbye and love and stolen time

Vex

She is one of the most straightforward ones, another one that I had help on from the community because I didn't want spoilers but did want to encompass her entire journey and not just what I had seen.

Grizzly paw - for the best companion out there

Gold coins - Her greed is such a defining trait for so much of her journey to the point where it, in part, got her killed by wanting to steal the armour. It is her hating to spend 30 gold on a very useful book, it is so much of her and I love it.

Sun - Paelor, since she was chosen by him

Broom - As much as I wasn't a fan of the broom, it truly is such a big part of her, her fighting technique, and her personality again tied to her greed that I couldn't help but add it.

The gun and the dagger - for the two most important people in her life.

Pike

Her ship - It's cute how often she brought it up even when we never once see her at sea. I think Ashley really enjoyed that part of her backstory even asking about it in campaign 2.

Her holy symbol - Sarenrae is the God who has my heart simply for her kindness to Pike. Her warmth and love and how important that relationship is to Pike. More so than any other cleric, it feels like they get each other and I love that. I'm also sad Sarenrae hasn't been around much in the other campaigns. Someone give this God some love please (I'm on ep 46 of c3 so who knows)

The lute - even if they never go on a date during the campaign, that relationship is super important. It was the first relationship I shipped in VM and how often they look out for each other. I'll always be sad Ashley couldn't be there for ep 85

Grog's axe - adoptive siblings for life

Iris - since it's the flower of Westruun, I thought I should add also because Matt was able to pull that out of his ass when asked was incredible and needs to be remembered always.

Glabrezu claw - even if it's not a death we saw, that death echoed throughout the campaign and it affected Pike so much

Scanlan

Scanlan was harder. So many of his moments are intangible. How do you draw a counterspell? A wish? The hunt for drugs that are actually just cooking spices? the meat man? Modify memory? Scanlan will always be MVP of the VM campaign in my eyes, and so it was so hard to do him justice.

The three eyes of Ioun - No one expected Scanlan to be chosen but chosen he was and the world is better for it.

Triceratops - That fight was the first time Scanlan really showed he could hold his own. Hell, the rest of VM came out worse with 5 people than he did. It was the first time you saw how much of a beast Scanlan could be.

Pike's mace- the woman who made him better

The beret - I had just finished the briarwood Arc what I was working on him and I thought this the best representation of Sam willing to just roll with the stupidest running bits.

The Burt Reynolds mustache - His love of disguises and also one of his most iconic lines

The flute - representing his meeting Kaylie and how that changed so much of his journey.

Percy

I struggled with Percy and his symbols because I couldn't always grasp what was important and what drove him as tangible things outside his family, Revenge, and Vex. I also just have the most trouble connecting to Percy so I think that played a part.

The bird skull - I felt it showed his connect to others? As it passed through his hands it showed a care for others and I dunno, this one just stuck with me. So it's there.

Black powder -no way in hell I'm leaving Viktor out

De Rolo crest - His family and all that he lost

An arrow - his future, his shining north star, his better half

Black smoke - Orthax and how much control it had over him

Vampire teeth - a bit corny I know but had no idea how to represent the briarwoods so I rolled with this.

Vax

Snowdrop - the mirror Keyleth, and if you have the prints next to each other with Vax on the right and Keyleth on the left, the snowdrops mirror. They're the only two of the series to have that (can you tell who my favourite couple is?)

The raven Queen mask - she needed her own spot because she is.. the looming shadow over so much of Vax, his choices, and his story. She is unrelenting, she is ever-present, she is inevitable. And I hate her for it.

The arrow - twins for life

The antlers - This man supports Keyleth's rights and her wrongs and I adore him for it. I love that he says if you're going to your death to fight this dragon then I'm with you no questions asked. He worships her and it makes me weak at the knees.

The feather - those wings become as much a part of his identity as the broom is for Vex.

The belt - his love for that belt but also his use of equipment. Vax, more than anyone I think, has his identity was tied to his equipment and his icknic moments. His boots, his armour, his belt, his daggers. They make up so much of him.

Grog

He's another super straightforward one because we'll, Grog wasn't meant to have a deep and rich and complex character. He has amazing moments but again how do I show them? Craven's edge was something I tried for but it just didn't read as exactly that so I sadly left it out. Believe me, it hurt.

The deck of many things - Those cards were Grog's roman empire and it bit him in the ass at the end and I love it. Also just Travis and his absolute inability to not push the red buttons.

Ale - no group has loved taverns as much as VM, and no one in that group loves a night of drinking as much as Grog.

The Lute - for his best bud

The Mace - for his sister

The shapes - callback to the original audio intro with Grog being first

The bag of holding - few things were as paired as Grog and that bag. No one has their inventory as well organized as that Goliath.

Tary

Blondies - I know he was only a portion of it and I think because he was there for the time they mentioned it the most, I connect Tary the most with the Slayers Cake. It's the friendships he formed in his time with the group.

The list - thinking of him saving Keyleth and getting to mark off rescuing a maiden will never fail to make me laugh

The arrow - his best friend

The gun - his other best friend

The book - his many grand tales all documented in one fantastical book

The helmet - I really wanted it in the original design but it just wasn't going to work with the pose I wanted, so it ended up at the bottom.

Yepp so these are the things I connect with these characters the most. It's silly and so much effort for such a small part of the print, but I'm proud of them.

[anteikustarbies]

Joel Miller X Female Reader | Answers

Rating: Fluff but explicit language is used

A/N: i know that in this ep that Joel doesn’t have a sleeping bag but just humour me :)

“Fuck.” Y/n muttered under her breath. Behind her a groggy, sleep-filled voice spoke up “What is it?” “Nothin’ Joel. Just, go back to sleep.” She exhaled with a tiredness to her voice that had seemed permanent since the start of this damned apocalypse, though she felt sometimes that it was even like that before this had all started, but then came to the conclusion that it was too far back to even remember. 

Awake now, Joel sat up and tentatively asked “Why ain’t you asleep by now, it’s gotta be at least 4AM?” With a grunt Joel removed himself from the warmth of his sleeping bag and walked over to her, he noticed that her eyebrows were furrowed and her hands were occupied with something, it didn’t need a genius to figure out what it was. A map.

“You need to stop looking at that damn thing, we know where we’re going and Tommy ain’t going anywhere.” He doesn’t know if he was trying to reassure her or himself. 

Y/n let out a sigh full of all the frustration that she’s been feeling since the beginning of this trip, one that has took every possible u-turn since they took the job. They always say to expect the unexpected when you’re out here, in the cities, in the forests and out of the safety of the QZ, but never did she think that it would land her here, on the 33rd floor of some random ass office block with a kid who is immune to the virus that took her own child. 

Y/n’s fists tightened around the map placed in her hands, she felt like she hadn’t stopped looking at it, analysing every road, every freeway, shit every fucking alley, anywhere where Tommy could possibly be. She wanted to find Tommy, no she needed to, she needed answers, answers that only he had. All y/n wanted to know was what the fuck happened to her son, and Tommy? Tommy knew. 

“It’s been weeks since he contacted us Joel, he could be anywhere. We should’ve gone looking for him a hell of a lot sooner, at the least we wouldn’t be in this fuckin’ mess” Y/n whispered, voice full of unattended anger and rage. Sure she liked Ellie, thought she was a nice kid, but at the end of the day this was not her child in her eyes, she didn’t think that Ellie was enough to distract her from the truth of her own child’s last day. She couldn’t let herself do that, if she did that’d mean that she was giving up. 

“Y/n, I get it, okay I do but- We can’t do this right now. We have other priorities.” Joel gently removed the map from her hands, folding it and placing it on the ground. His hands swiftly replaced the previously removed object, thumbs began to caress her palms, deep-cocoa eyes piercing into hers, easing her soul in a way that he shouldn’t be able to. 

Y/n let out a hearty sigh, one small, insignificant gesture and she was brought back to reality. Joel had had to do this for her a lot recently, stop her from overthinking and getting ahead of herself, stop her from allowing the consuming thoughts of her son’s death take over her mind and make her irrational and heartless, in a way, just like it was right now. 

These where the moments in which she truly appreciated Joel, where she felt like him and her truly connected. A part of her thought that it was because he knew what it was like to lose a child but, deep down she knew that it was more than that. It was always more with Joel. 

“I know I’m being selfish; I know I should be focusing on the kid that’s alive in front of us rather than one that’s-” Y/n let out a deep sigh. “But i need to know Joel, more than any cure, more than any kid that could possibly give us one. I want to know what happened to my boy. My baby boy.”

That was enough. She had gone too long without actually acknowledging what she needed to. That her son was no longer here, that he was dead. Sobs broke out from her, souring through her chest and shaking her entire body, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t see. She could only feel. and what she wanted to feel in that moment was Joel. Only Joel.

Joel’s arms circled around her, completely encapsulating her, securing her body to his. He could feel her pain, her desperation and he wanted to make it better, even if it was the last damn thing that he ever did. 

One hand cradling her head and caressing her hair, the other supporting her waist, he felt like he was damn well near holding her together. When she was like this he never knew what to say, because he knew that there was nothing to say. He’d felt her pain, no matter how long ago it was now, and he still felt it, nothing ever eased it. Ever since he saw her, with her jet-black hair, heart-shaped face with those striking green eyes, he knew he wanted to protect her. Took him a long time to admit that to himself but he was past that point now, they had gone through too much together, all that mattered was her now. 

“We’ll get your answers Baby, I promise you we will.”

[thedarkmongoose]

SPOILERS: i have mixed feelings about the bear s3 but knowing that s3 & s4 were written/filmed at the same time makes sense. s4 will prob answer s3's q's. (A LOT was left open-ended) usually i love that, but it felt like the show lost itself in certain places, esp the self-indulgent finale. all stories are indulgent to some degree, but too much decadence rarely leaves room for substance.

and i get why they tried to do the chef's table thing, but other than andrea, syd, and luca, everyone else's acting was disjointed and trite. but i loved ep 1; it was an ethereal, artsy, meditative piece (peace) that was necessary after the chaotic s2 finale. however, as a big fan of the show, it was hard for me to finish the eps.

the standout in s3 FOR SURE was tina's ep - directed by ayo. glad we got her backstory. personally i liked her anxiety-inducing job hunt bc it's really like that irl, esp for older woc. the sobbing while eating a free sandwich was relatable, and the mikey convo was super impactful. but as much as i loved the ep, it still felt superficial compared to s2 'forks' (richie) or 'honeydew' (marcus). we never see her son again either; all we get is tina yelling at him to quiet down.

then there was marcus's mother's funeral which seemed like it was going to be more central to the plot than it was. i wish we got more. and claire is still one of the most underwritten characters EVER. nothing about her or the mis en scène really sells it that she's a doctor lol. and the scene with the faks trying to apologize on carmy's behalf was beyond cringe. i like matty matheson - i have his cookbook, but there was entirely too many faks in s3.

and let's be real: where was ebra & sweeps? ebra has such an interesting story that i'm HOPING we get to see in s4. sweeps too - he tried out for the chicago cubs! but on a positive note, i loved the chemistry between syd/luca. it was v sweet and organic. wonder if they'll be a thing in s4 since luca is carmy's foil. too bad marcus was barely in s3, tho the hug between him & luca at the party was cute. syd's meltdown mirroring carmy's in s2 was also a nice touch.

idk how to feel about sugar's labor scene. most praise it, but it didn't hit the same for me. donna's over-acting (the whole series) is really distracting and i can't take her seriously. ik she's supposed to be mentally unwell, but it borders on cartoonish. the hospital moment was heartwarming, but again, artificially. and pete was so underwritten too, just so they could have that mom moment. i liked the scene with him and syd tho. it felt authentically awkward.

i also understand what they were trying to do with the finale, but it was a flop for me. the scene with andrea/carmy staring out into the chicago night was introspective and beautiful, but the msg doesn't hit all the way bc we have a group of wealthy celeb chefs saying it's okay to stop while you're ahead and enjoy life while you can. every second counts. unfortunately for those who are not celeb chefs, it's not that easy to simply "enjoy life."

on one hand, i agree that food is life and restaurants have been community "third places" forever (essential to life itself; historically, like when revolutionaries would gather at pubs or cafes). however, do i think that fine dining and the "art" that comes with it is necessary? no. if there were more spots like the original beef/bear in the world tho, that would be a good thing.

[rinsoap]

˚ ༘ ♡⋆｡˚ ﾐ the big seijoh four's favourite artists!

✿²˖ ࣪ ➣ includes : oikawa tooru, iwaizumi hajime, matsukawa issei + hanamaki takahiro

note : sorry ive been inactive as hell w actual hcs or like. real works LMAOO i have been #depressed and #unmotivated LoL! anyways pls tell me u can see suna's influence on iwaizumi i hc that they r friends <33

oikawa tooru :

!!? KALI UCHIS STAN NEVER SPEAK 2 ME AGAIN. he LOVESSS her he is completely convinced isolation was specifically made to cater to him and his exact music taste delusional king fr!! and he gatekeeps her SO HARD like babes as much as i would like to be her top listener too, the 21,158,866 monthly listeners seem like they might be hard to beat 🤔

his favourite songs by kali uchis are :

tyrant - ft. jorgia smith on the isolation album.

i wish you roses (single).

loner on the por vida album.

!!? this artist is not a guilty pleasure no matter how many times he says he's sooo embarrassed he likes carly rae jepson. "omg stop don't tell people i like her that's humiliating omg stop i don't want people to know!!!!!!" he is a LIAR. he will publicly scream every single lyric to every single song she makes, IN FACT he will shamefully make tiktoks on public buses and shit, lip syncing to her songs on full volume (or at least he would if literally all of seijoh didn't tell him to shut the fuck up LMAO)

his favourite songs by carly rae jepson are :

call me maybe on the kiss album.

boy problems on the E•MO•TION album.

felt this way on the dedicated side b album.

!!? —✩⌗ HONORABLE SONG MENTIONS : good days by SZA. heart to heart by mac de marco. oh no! by marina and the diamonds. conceited by flo milli.

iwaizumi hajime :

!!? UGH ANOTHER AMAZING PERFECT TYLER THE CREATOR STAN. OOH I WANNA KISS ALL TYLER FANS ON THE HEAD I FREQUENTLY MAKE OUT W EVERY TYLER FAN EVER!! he's a very loyal listener, he knew him on vine bro like i said in pt 1, he introduced him to suna (while suna takes all the credit lol) he might even have a slight... fixation.. one might call it a.... crush.... but he will never admit it his ego is too big!!

his favourite songs by tyler the creator are :

A BOY IS A GUN on the IGOR album.

garden shed - ft. estelle on the flower boy album.

SWEET / I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO DANCE - ft. brent faiyaz and fana hues on the CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST album.

!!? is it controversial to say he fucks w ice spice.. almost a little too much... he knows all the lyrics to munch which is def something he has in common with oikawa's music taste!!! like at this point they're like pavlov's dog, they are absolutely salivating every single time they hear "stop playin with em riot!"

his favourite songs by ice spice are :

bikini bottom (single).

princess diana on the like..? EP.

in ha mood (single).

!!?—✩⌗ HONORABLE SONG MENTIONS : she likes another boy by oscar lang. attention by new jeans. just a stranger by kali uchis and steve lacy. NASA by ariana grande.

matsukawa issei :

!!? unlike iwaizumi, he will admit his huge crush on brent faiyaz with his ENTIRE CHEST. brent faiyaz his love, his one and only (i am projecting!) <3 most of the content he consumes is brent faiyaz related tbh the algorithm knows him too well and before you ask the burning question on your mind, YES he did almost start a stan twitter in year one!!! makki will never let him live it down as if he didn't ACTUALLY start one for bruno mars..

his favourite songs by brent faiyaz are :

ADDICTIONS on the WASTELAND album.

what you heard (single) by sonder - technically still brent faiyaz.

talk 2 u on the sonder son album.

!!? he really should be ashamed he likes drake tbh. he physically could not compell himself to show anybody his spotify wrapped because almost all drake songs were in his top played. please never ever speak to him about the time he genuinely ugly cried to one dance. he will never elaborate and will probably go and sob to god's plan next.

his favourite songs by drake are :

way 2 sexy - ft. future and young thug on the certified lover boy album.

9 on the views album.

circo loco on the her loss album.

!!?—✩⌗ HONORABLE SONG MENTIONS : love is only a feeling by joey bada$$. small worlds by mac miller. awkward by SZA. finesse (remix) by bruno mars and cardi b.

hanamaki takahiro :

!!? ACTIVELY PUSHING THE MAKKI BRUNO MARS AGENDA!! fuck an evening with silk sonic he wants an evening with bruno 😭 all he is doing every day all day is praying bruno gets his heart broken again so he can drop another DELECTIBLE album!!!!! also him and iwa like to say that since makki is puerto rican and iwa is filipino, together they make one bruno mars <333 (this is a hc dont take it too srsly lol)

his favourite songs by bruno mars are :

that's what i like on the 24k magic album.

treasure on the unorthodox jukebox album.

after last night (with thunder cats & bootsy collins) on the an evening with silk sonic album.

!!? he is a dork and i am a dork soooo i'm gonna have to say he is a the living tombstone stan.... oikawa will go on full rants about how cringey 2020 was and how weird that video game animatronic type music is and he'll look over at makki and see the single tear roll down his face as he says he has no idea the music genre he's talking about 😭

his favourite songs by the living tombstone are :

my ordinary life (single).

drunk on the zero_one album.

jump up, super star! (single).

!!?—✩⌗ HONORABLE SONG MENTIONS : new person, same old mistakes by tame impala. your teeth in my neck by kali uchis. join us for a bite by JT music. ORANGE SODA by baby keem.

[certifiedgoofball]

so i finally watched the devil's chord and i. AUGH!!!! UEUHGH!!!!!!! i watched space babies a couple days ago and it was good ofc but i felt like it was missing something but devil's chord was literally fucking PERFECT. it was scary and emotional and silly and weird all at the same time and i almost cried and i got so many goosebumps and i just AAHH!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE EP UNDER THE CUT. GIANT RANT. I AM AUTISM.

i already have a giant bias towards the episode cuz one of my longest interests has been music and instruments but oh my fucking GOD the way they talked about music and hearing classical songs that i knew almost sent me to tears IM NOT JOKING. ruby playing the piano was so awesome and hearing saint saen's danse macabre made me feel like i was going to ascend into the heavens. putting doctor who and classical music, two of my biggest interests, together, was the best thing imaginable. I LITERALLY CANT DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY THIS EPISODE MAKES ME.

SECONDLY, I LOVED MAESTRO. like the toymaker (who i also adore so SO incredibly much), they have this silly evilness to them that makes them so INTERESTING!!! and then finding out maestro is the child of the toymaker was EVERYTHING. BECAUSE IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. jinkx monsoon, the person that plays maestro, says some stuff about them that explains why i love them so much. "When human rules don't apply to you, you get to do whatever you want. You don't have to worry about whether your emotions make sense to people because you don't have to answer to them." and "What I love about Maestro is that, while objectively evil, they are an artist, they have a mission statement. " THESE ARE THE EXACT REASONS I LOVE THE TOYMAKER AND MAESTRO SO MUCH. both of them are other-worldly beings. they're gods of their own realms. they're dramatic and passionate and so dead-set on getting what they want. but its not just about getting what they want, its about having fun with it and turning it into a show. because what's the point in going out if you cant go out with a BANG?

something else i loved was the doctor in this episode. ncuti gatwa's doctor, like david tennant's, is so extremely emotional and passionate and it makes me want to SOB. the doctor mentioning his granddaughter? TEARS IN MY EYES. "i can only smile like this because ive lost so much" SOBBING ON THE FLOOR. the 15th doctor has already been so emotional and i know im gonna cry so so much while he's around. BUT THATS SOMETHING I LOVE ABOUT DOCTOR WHO. because it can be so silly and weird and funny and then it can turn around and be spine-chilling and emotional ALL IN THE SAME EPISODE. because when you think about it, the story of the doctor is HEARTBREAKING. and when that side of him comes out you HAVE to expect the waterworks.

AND THEN RUBY THE ENTIRE EPISODE ???? i know theres something up with her and i just OH MY GOD!!! BECAUSE THE SNOW??? THIS EPISODE AND LAST EPISODE? AND THE SOUND OF CHRISTMAS?????? im gnawing on the bars of my enclosure I NEED TO KNOW. shes so interesting I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT because its like who's her mom?? whys she able to do the snow thing?? how did she have a song in her ????? AND MAESTRO SAYING THINGS LIKE "no he couldnt be there" "the old one couldn't've been there" WHO IS THAT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

IM GOING INSANE. IM SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT I COULD EXPLODE INTO A MILLION PIECES.

[2nd-mushroom-circle]

lines that made me cry in my 3rd relisten to the chaos protocol ep 32 (MAJOR SPOILERS):

- “brother heed me, as you ought.” something about the way connie says brother this time… i will never be ok about sing and seir

- i mean i could say the entire rest of the opening monologue. but the little hesitance on “lover, hold me”? OW.

- THE WAY VAL’S VOICE SOUNDS ON THEIR FIRST LINE. illegal.

- similarly, the sobbing after “it is lost. forever.” always catches me off guard and RIGHT IN THE HEART

- the way connie just moves on to lumiéra after val says “something snaps”. cause there’s nothing more to say. nothing that can fix it.

- “a door that had been so carefully pried open slamming shut, and… he doesn’t feel.”

- “and he just… looks at where he should have been a shield.” have i ever mentioned that cai is a masterful storyteller? cause cai is a masterful storyteller and god. i’ll never stop feeling things about xainan esch

- this whole scene with xainan crumbling into dust destroys me.

- “you have always been half dead, xainan esch”

- connie calling oblivion the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen as xainan is drifting away from his own life sure is something, huh.

- “i think im just exhausted with being a coward” no cause i have so many feelings about lumiéra waiting, waiting, always a little too hesitant and afraid to tell sing how she really felt, even though sing felt the same, because it’s too scary because it’s too complicated because lumiéra is literally just fucking HUMAN and it takes so much to make that step - only for her to finally do it and it’s just. a moment. too. late.

- the moment when we move from lumiéra’s flashback to the present. the imagery of happy, triumphant, hopeful lumi giving way to lumi crouched over sing’s body, tear tracks staining her face.

- and the imagery of seir holding up lumiéra with his sister. fuck me i guess.

- THE FUCKING PERSPECTIVE SHIFT

- ok being fully fr seir’s monologue here is when i actually started crying in earnest this time. what the fuck val. not one line. all of them

- “the knife that is xainan” always hits me a little bit

- “whelming it’s pitiable vessel” is just such a good phrase. didn’t make me cry but i love it

- the music cue when artemis appears did make me cry though

- “eyes that immediately fall upon sing’s body” if i think too hard about artemis’s relationship with sing (artemis singing the twins to sleep, artemis signing her transfer request because artemis can see right through her, artemis giving them all the warning she can, artemis knowing when they die and appearing right away but unsurprised, with grief that has always been there, artemis making a choice) i will break. and start making some not-yet-canon assumptions about artemis’s own emotional state. so we are not thinking about that!

- “a lance in her chest” “bleeding.” ow ow ow the multiple possible readings of this line. connie and sea kicking off their insane narration chemistry with a lance to my chest. ow

- “those warm, gentle hands, that do not touch, that are so careful with their love” ok so when i said we weren’t feeling things about artemis? i lied

- “and when her hands pass through your flaming horns, snuffing them out like a candle at the end of its wick, it is not violent. it is not to put a cap on your grief, not to quiet you, not to for you into a box or a body that cannot contain you -“ “it is a mercy.” “it is the sweet mercy of rest when you have no tears left to cry.” the actual reason i’m relistening to this episode is to memorize all the words. so i can hold them like precious things in a box inside me. btw

- and artemis sings you and your sister to rest one final time.

ok. *wipes away tears.* anyways.

- artemis wiping a tear from lumiéra’s eye and calling her the bravest girl in the room .

- we interrupt your regularly scheduled tears to bring you: i’m gonna pull an øka* and punch fate in the fucking face. “this pain has a design”. yeah it’s called fate’s a BITCH and a BAD PARENT. and you can quote me on this

*i have not yet watched the second stranger only seen the clip of øka punching fate. so many times. i replayed that clip quite a bit after this episode.

- “and you cannot hold on to your life much longer. you are a dead man walking and you can go no farther than this.” ok back to crying! this is the sequence i was originally most abnormal about. and you know what? it still hits. so much. xainan my beloved

- sea and connie narrative trading my beloved.

- “do you want to live?” “i don’t know.” “then why don’t you come with me, and you can tell me your answer later.” god what a line. what a perfect response. there are no words that can fix this, but maybe with time and love and care someday you will want to live again. why don’t you come with me.

- “and she carries you home.”

- i don’t think i fully internalized the imagery of sing’s sword being driven into the earth by the roots of the world tree and the roots growing up around it before, but this time i imagined wildsailors hundreds of years from now coming upon this site and approaching it with reverence and love, knowing that it was here that something bigger than their world changed forever, holding sing’s eulogy in the very heartwood of the wildsea—yeah.

- “i love my dad, ok?” thanks abasi already sobbing.

- “it is effortless, the care that they hold for you. it is a reality unto itself.” just. cause. this is what i was hoping the whole time in the lead up to this episode. i know it would be awful and crushing and it would break them, and i was so worried that they would have to just. find a way to push on somehow. make plot happen anyways. but this, nova being cared for and held and protected in their grief? someone carrying them home when they can’t do it themselves anymore? this was just what they needed. and what i needed. i cannot wait for arc 2.

[fulfillingbineeds]

misfits rewatch- 1x1 thoughts & rambles

-Alisha checking out Simon in the welcome to CS scene 👀 maybe there's always been an attraction lmao

-Every time the word freak gets mentioned, it pans to Simon 😭

-When the storm hits, Simon immediately with his phone out lol

-My DVD subtitles keep putting Simon: when Nathan's talking, and it's really bugging me lol

-Shame Gary got killed. It would've been interesting to see what would play out with the others and their dynamics. I think the others would've subconsciously paired him and Kelly together cause chavs. I do think if he had gotten a power, it'd have something to do with aggression. Something where it'd affect others, but not with touch like Alisha. For example, if he got irritated or aggressive towards someone, they'd be aggressive and wouldn't stop until Gary chilled himself out. We only see a glimpse of Gary, but we know he has some anger issues. With the others, their powers sort of give them the finger towards their insecurities. So I think Gary having to learn to control his issues or risk death would be a neat storyline... I honestly have a lot of thoughts about this topic; I might make another post.

-This ep, specifically the two scenes where Kelly is trying to see if they've felt weird after the lighting, and Simon's the only one to take it seriously. When he first says something, there's a glint in Kelly's eyes, and at that moment, I feel like Kelly decided that she and Simon have a bond and wants to sort of protect him.

-When Tony's having his freakouts, especially when he's doing it outside close to the rest of them… how can they not hear him??? lol? Maybe it's just because I tend to be hyper-aware of my surroundings, but I'd be bugging from hearing it haha

-God, Alisha's snarky remarks 😫 I miss early season Alisha when she still had flavour and wasn't watered down to girlfriend

-Nathan was so unnecessarily mean to Simon in the first ep. I get it during the second day of CS 'cause Nathan wants to deflect his feelings after his mum kicked him out. This ep really sets the scene for their dynamic, Nathan taking the piss and Simon fighting back (poorly, might I add), which Nathan finds amusing, so he keeps doing it 🙄 lol

-Kelly's really is that girl. Anyone else would've been booking it home rather than warning the others. (Out of the others, I think Simon might have warned them. Curtis, too, but would only do it so he could warn Alisha)

-When everything's going down, and Curtis starts talking about travelling back in time, Simon is clearly interested in the superpower talk… but also freaked out by the possibility of getting murdered.  

-When they find Gary's body and everyone else's reaction is entirely valid, and Simon's just there like 🧍👀🧐…little freak (endearingly)

-I felt so bad for Alisha when her power got discovered. Truly one of the worst powers. Curtis was just trying to comfort her, and then the power makes the already traumatic experience even more so.

-Thank you, misfits writers, for feeling the deep need to make sure Simon has some freaky taste. Thank you 🙏

-Simon and Nathan coming up with the plan.

-Nathan still dwelling on the piss thing when they're burying the bodies lol

-My DVD doesn't have the Lonely Souls montage 😭😭😭 awful

-Iwan's eye acting is phenomenal

-Nathan's giving Simon a little lower back pat when leaving during "if anyone asks; it was a completely normal day" 👀

-"and I ask you, in this world of intolerance and prejudice, who are we? Who are we to condemn them?" Classic. Sally leaving because she's about to sob 😢 and the LOOK Simon gives Nathan after his little monologue oh my god.

-Misfits has such a phenomenal first episode.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Well - even though the camerawork made me quite dizzy at times and thus I couldn't totally keep up with what was going on in each story - I thought Casualty was rather good, if also incredibly sad.

Rash's storyline made me cry tonight. It wouldn't have even occurred to me when the ep started to think that Ashok would die. I'm not sure how to feel about this: on one hand, I sort of feel like the Rash, Rida, and Ashok story deserved more emphasis throughout if this was going to be the outcome.

But on the other hand, having the Ashok story as just one of several stories running through the ep was an excellent way of making the way it turned out shocking and upsetting and sudden to the audience just like it was to Rash. As I say, it made me cry, and it's not all that common for Casualty to do that.

Neet Mohan's performance was brilliant. The way Rash just started sobbing like a scared little boy - wow. And it's just so sad to think that Rash is only about 30 or so and he's already lost both of his parents. Poor Rash.

I hope the show handles Rash's grief well. And Rida's, for that matter - she may not have known Ashok very long, but she clearly cared a lot for him and wanted to look after him. I imagine she'll feel like all of this is her fault - it's just an accident no one could have seen coming, of course, but in such a situation it would be so easy to end up thinking you caused it. Sarah Seggari was fantastic at conveying Rida's reactions tonight.

Speaking of Rash, I love how Dylan's become a sort of mentor to him. It's very sweet. I hope it continues. And while I'm not much of a big Joe McGann fan - that's another story - there was still something quite entertaining about seeing John Gaskell's fourth-cousin Wyatt!

I just like pretending every other Holbyverse character played by one of the McGanns is a relative of John's in some way. Considering we knew nothing about John's family - John himself knew nothing about his family - it's entirely possible. So I will continue to tell myself Wyatt is John's distant cousin. Although, I'm fairly sure Joe McGann has played so many guest characters that this would mean John has a lot of distant cousins who look oddly alike to one another. (Stephen and Mark, meanwhile, I think have only been in Casualty once or twice each.) Maybe all his characters are more closely related to each other than they are to John? Hm.

The Stevie story was intense. I'm not sure at all how to feel about it, or where any of it seems to be going, on a narrative level. However, I think when it came to the characterisation for Stevie this was the best ep in a while. It did very well at showing her PTSD, and it felt less like it was treating her like Henrik - i.e. making her character defined by trauma in a way that doesn't do any good for trauma survivors - than some others have. Stevie is a complex morally ambiguous character and I think, with the right effort, the show can let her stay that way while also showing more sympathetic angles to her.

I like that Ngozi is finally getting more backstory now. I'm interested to see where her storyline goes, though I don't have lots to say about it yet because we still don't know much. But I've loved Ngozi this whole time, so I'm glad she's getting more to do.

I'm not interested in a Teddy-Jodie-Cam love triangle. What is it with all these love triangles recently? I'm also not that interested in Cam in general - I don't hate him or anything, I like him well enough, he's just a bit boring to me. So I'm bored by love triangles and I'm becoming bored by Cam. I can think of much more interesting stories Teddy and Jodie could have whether separately or as a couple, than this.

Where was Max this week? I thought his absence was odd after he was so strongly involved last week.

Can Jacob please, please get a meaningful story? I'm tired of him being used as Iain's sidekick. He can do so much more than that. And I hate any scene where he talks about Faith because it just makes me think about how Faith is basically just exactly the same character as Tina was except Faith isn't acknowledged as an awful person. Sigh, again.

So, all in all: the Rash storyline is great, I have mixed feelings on the rest.

[girlbossblackbeard]

s2 ep3 delirious ramblings in honor of eps 4 and 5 coming soon!!

you already KNOW wtf goin on !!!

-the red flag fleet pig tails absolutely slay every single time

-Zheng Yi Sao putting her arm out to shield Olu from the dying guy that just got stabbed has me feeling some typa way (falling in love with her)

-stede just pushing his little bar and charcuterie cart around im obsessed

-Zheng Yi Sao's customer service voice when she says "Hi! I'm Zheng Yi Sao, you're...John?" like she's cold-calling someone is absolutely top tier, I would give her all my money if she were calling to scam me

-"champers?" stede you absolute doofus i love him far too much

-Zheng Yi Sao being all coy with her "ohh...forget it...;)" stop!!!!! im already in love with you please stop this madness!!!!!! i can't take much more of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-OLU'S OFFENDED FACE WHEN STEDE JUST PLOPS THE TOWELS DOWN ON ZHENG YI SAO'S DESK LMAO

-okay. we have to talk about stede hearing "the revenge" and his mind going completely blank aside from the one thought of "Ed" replaying over and over and over again to the point that all sense of self-preservation flies completely out the window (as he flies over the side of the ship) because the ONLY thing that matters to him in that moment is seeing Ed again. i can only imagine the looming sense of doom he must've felt as he realized Ed was noticeably absent from the rest of the crew when he found them, and then the cagey way they all spoke about where Ed went. i wonder if seeing Ed's body lying on that table gave him any sense of relief in the way that getting confirmation of something you'd feared was coming finally arrives

-also!!! let's talk about what must have started running through Olu's mind when he realized it was their ship!! did he immediately think of Jim? was he worried about them? did he assume they would've escaped blackbeard's clutches by now and gone on to bigger and better things?

-"she's returned to us...mostly" i wonder how sad buttons must have felt seeing the revenge in such a dire state :((

-"maybe she's gone through that triangle thing by bermuda" wee john my beloved

-I TOLD Y'ALL WHEN THAT MF GNOSSIENNE NO. 5 HITS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT VERY NEARLY WAS BITCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-oh holy fuck the way the look of excitement on stede's face morphs into a look of horror as he takes in just how wrecked the revenge got in the storm is extremely upsetting

-someone smarter than me needs to do a deeper analysis on the use of gnossienne no.5 as stede is climbing the ladder of the revenge, no doubt with thoughts of a beautiful and loving reunion with ed because surely he'll be there waiting for him, just as overjoyed to see stede as stede is to see him, only for the song and that fantasy to abruptly get cut off once stede realizes how dire the situation on the revenge has gotten

-hey fam do we think there's any significance of the crew being found desecrating that seagull in the captain's quarters or was that just a plot convenience thing bc obviously stede would check the captain's cabin for ed first

-"just thought you'd be taller...mu-muscly, you know...charismatic" bruh ain't NO way Certain People had been either 1) talking about stede in such a high regard it put him up on a massive pedestal or 2) ahem....sobbing so loudly the entire god damn ship can hear it every single night for literal months...that archie fully thought stede MUST have been basically a god amongst mortals to make ed be so downbad it drove him to violent insanity

-"why can't i get a straight answer from any of you" because they're all gay bitch!!!!! you knew this when you first hired them!!!!!!

-OBSESSED with how Izzy is fully down an entire leg and Stede could NOT give less of a shit about it. Literally telling him "Piss off Izzy, I don't wanna hear from you" as if there isn't the biggest possible elephant on the deck basically screaming to be talked about

-side note: for the love of GOD con o'neill looks so stupidly hot in his reaction shot to stede telling izzy to piss off it's actually gonna give me heart palpitations. this is my formal petition to make con o'neill look permanently just a little bit damp and a little bit sad

-"when you get old, if you don't wanna work anymore you can just give up i guess" frenchie my beloved

-love love love love love the parallels between buttons and auntie being the actual paragon of first mates with almost preternatural senses for mutiny a'brewin or the sea shifting

-hey fam do we think izzy actually stabbed stede's painting or was it really ed and izzy was...sparing stede's feelings???? but why??? is it because he's intimately aware of how it feels to lose ed and even though he hates stede (or used to) he still wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone??

-SORRY I GOTTA TOOT MY OWN HORN FOR A SECOND BECAUSE I CALLED IT FROM THE MOMENT THE TEASER DROPPED THAT THE RAG MAN WAS GONNA BE HORNIGOLD'S GHOST MANIFESTING AS THE PARTS OF ED HE HATED THE MOST

>>>it turned out to be all parts of himself which did me quite a big ouchie but im still riding the high of having sussed that out so early on im LITERALLY destined to be a writer on this show. djenks get at me i know ur reading this

-i have absolutely no idea what the pig is supposed to symbolize in ed's fever dream someone who has a functioning brain should figure it out and let me know pls & thx

-don't know if this is significant symbolism or not, but: ed is wearing the cravat, his chains, and the pearl necklace in the storm. he is NOT wearing the cravat or the chains in the fever dream, but he IS still wearing the pearls. the best analysis i can do around that rn is that the cravat symbolizes stede and this journey he's about to go on needs to be about Ed and Ed alone, but also Ed *feeling* and *thinking* he's genuinely alone, which is supported by the conversation he has with hornigold later when he reveals he's worried there's no one waiting for him in the real world. the chains im thinking could symbolize his blackbeard persona in a way - presumably he got the gold chains when plundering and gaining/maintaining his reputation for being ruthless and the chains are a physical reminder of that persona and reputation. in the fever dream, ed is stripped down to his most vulnerable state (which is interesting considering his hair and beard aren't in line with the s1 symbolism of his vulnerability - almost as if his heartbreak over stede has become so all-encompassing he's no longer able to hide it behind a beard or face-shielding long hair) so the chains would disappear just as his blackbeard reputation would disappear in order for him to get to the core of who he really is, which brings us to: the pearl necklace. we could literally talk for hours about the nuances of everything the pearl necklace represents regarding ed's fears, desires, identities, hopes and dreams for the future, childhood trauma, etc. etc. etc. but ultimately it represents the parts of ed he holds the closest to his chest and THAT is why he's still wearing it in the fever dream: because it's a representation of who he truly is, stripped down, at his core. and THAT is the person who needed to go on this journey in order to start to heal, without the influence of anyone or anything else making him feel the need to perform or be anything other than his 100% authentic, vulnerable self.

-the way i reacted to seeing how beautiful ed is as he's waking up in hornigold's hut is undeniable proof that i need to be put down

-"what did you do to me...while i was out...anything weird?" edward teach my beloved of all time. we will not be taking this incredibly funny and perfectly performed line delivery and making it sad by thinking about the implications of what past behaviors ed may have experienced from other shipmates when waking up after a night of blacking out

-sorry but the way ed holds his breath so he doesn't eat the soup is so hilarious and adorable to me

-auntie recounting all the details of the mutiny right down to ed's height and silver hair based off of looking at the deck and licking some gun powder is sooooooo sherlock holmes coded but like. if he fucked y'know?

-also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the little sprinkle of what i believe was maori thrown in between auntie and fang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need more of that IMMEDIATELY

-"i'm burnin up here" SICK jobros reference frenchie

-frenchie stopping himself from saying "oh fuck" and instead going with "oh shit tits" i love this man an unhealthy amount

-"it's called you-cal-lip-eh-tusses. you-calamitous." good god i would due for olu in a heartbeat

-okay so. my thoughts on the olu/zheng/jim/archie situation. i never posted this here when the trailer dropped bc i thought i was just going crazy but when i saw the olu/jim shoulder bump i immediately knew it was giving "exes who are still friends and are being supportive of the other person when they admit they've found someone new" vibes. THAT BEING SAID - i can see this whole thing being resolved in 2 ways: either they have jim and olu talk it out and officially decide to split to pursue their respective new flames while remaining best friends/family, or - and this is where i think we all hope this is going - we get a 4-way polycule. im 50/50 on whether the studio would greenlight that given they've already pushed the envelope with having a nonbinary character and basically everyone is gay, but at the same time i would hope the studio would recognize that the show was wildly successful due in large part to those key elements and would be in favor of pushing the envelope even further (in their eyes). i think jim and archie are gonna see zheng being an absolute badass and fall in love with her and zheng is gonna see jim and archie being absolute badasses and fall in love with them while already being in love with olu specifically because he's NOT a badass and olu's gonna admit he's still in love with jim and they're all gonna live happily ever after completely dominating the seas and killing colonizing dipshits :)

-OLU WHIPPING HIS HEAD AROUND TO LOOK BACK AT JIM WHEN THEY TELL HIM THEY SAW ARCHIE'S BOOBS LMAO

-hi it's me again here to say that it is STILL SO EXTREMELY FUCKED UP AND EVIL OF DAVID JENKINS AND CO. TO BE PLAYING GNOSSIENNE NO.5 WHILE STEDE LOOKS DESPONDENTLY AT THE RUINED REMAINS OF HIS CAPTAINS QUARTERS WHERE HE AND ED CONNECTED FOR THE FIRST TIME AND FELT LIKE SOMEONE FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THEM

-how the fuck did izzy on a crutch and a pegleg sneak up on stede in the captain's quarters lil homie HAS to be sounding like mr. krabs at this point

-"i think the knives really help bring the place together" he literally cannot physically bring himself to not be a bitch around izzy even when he's wallowing in his lost love i am so so so obsessed with him you have no idea

-i know we're all still reeling from the confirmation that stede has ALWAYS known ed - past the rose-colored glasses of falling in love with just the idea of someone - and how his mind works when he asks izzy point blank what they did to ed but. i cannot stop thinking about s1 ed not being able to look stede in the eye as he says "you were always gonna realize what i am" before leaving with calico jack because he was so terrified of the judgement he'd see in stede's eyes. he revealed a less-than-ideal (but comparatively pretty benign) part of himself to the person whose opinion he cares about the most and was too afraid to stick around to see if/when stede would finally reject him for not living up to the standards that ed thinks stede deserves. and yet. we now know with actual proof that stede not only never judged ed for his past and just kinda glossed over any erratic behavior/violent reactions during their time together in favor of keeping an idealized image of ed in his mind, stede understood ed on a deeper level than practically anyone else in the whole world, with the exception of izzy, ever did. stede was so intimately aware of the exact kind of person ed was and what his thoughts and behavioral patterns were that he knew without a shadow of a doubt that there were only two fates for ed if stede didn't reach him in time: he was either gonna watch the world burn or die trying.

-feeling BIG emotions over the almost-sigh that stede does when izzy tells him how ed took his leg for merely mentioning stede's name. the way he looks away and swallows down his guilt and grief and shame.

-"you sent him to doggy heaven" ohhhh my god i wanna know if stede was bracing himself for the heartbreak or the relief (or both!!) of hearing izzy say yes. as i mentioned above, stede had to have had a cloud of impending doom looming over him all these months wondering where ed is and worrying if he'll ever find him again, and that cloud must have only gotten infinitely darker when he found the crew on the revenge only to realize that ed wasn't with them. stede isn't stupid, he proved as much when he told izzy he knew ed was going to destroy everything around him or die in the process, and with ed being very noticeably absent it would only make sense for stede to jump to the worst-case-scenario of the crew having to kill ed before he killed all of them. i think he had probably been emotionally preparing himself for that outcome the second he noticed the crew being shifty about ed's whereabouts, so to get confirmation of it would obviously be genuinely heartbreaking but also an end to the sense of doom that had been hanging around him for a while.

-the way stede whips his head around to look at izzy when izzy tells him no, they didn't send ed to doggy heaven is so! heartbreaking! because you can see the instant flame of hope light up his face for a split second before he reads the profound sadness of izzy's expression as he tells stede they deserted him on a beach and left nature to do the rest. interestingly enough, stede doesn't seem at all reassured or renewed in his hope by this, and im wondering if he knows izzy is lying to him at that point to spare his feelings

-"yeah i was there. that cabin boy's name was felix. he was a really nice guy" i love that we're not only getting a crumb of lore about ed's past on hornigold's ship (that isn't frat-bro posturing with calico jack) but that the crumb we do get highlights ed's humanity. not only does he remember the name of a "lowly" cabin boy, but he remembers that the cabin boy was really nice and is angry that he died so senselessly and hornigold doesn't even seem to care

>>>>>hmmmm now im thinking about how hornigold is a representation of the parts of ed that he hates, so is hornigold's story an allegory for how ed hates how he's shut off his emotions/shown little to no remorse for the hurt and suffering he's caused during his breakup era?

-okay there are SO many mentions of soup this season already someone figure out wtf it's supposed to mean

-THE WAY MY FRIENDS AND I ACTUALLY SCREAMED WHEN ZHENG SAYS "Girl, how are you :(" TO STEDE LIKE THIS SHOW IS 100% CONFIRMED WRITTEN FOR THE GIRLS (gn) AND THE GAYS AND EVERY LINE IS PERFECT

-DAVID JENKINS. WHY. ARE YOU PLAYING. GNOSSIENNE NO.5. WHILE STEDE TELLS ZHENG. ABOUT HOW HE FEELS LIKE HE LET ED DOWN. AND THAT HE'S THE CAUSE OF A LOT OF THIS. AND HOW HE SHOULD'VE JUST TOLD ED HOW HE FEELS. BUT HE WAS SCARED. AND NOW HERE WE ARE. i want you psychologically evaluated because i do believe there is a dark evil inside of you

-PLEASE stede's reaction of basically "ya got me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" to Zheng saying the guys on wanted posters are hot makes my brain fizz

-im not ashamed to say i literally get tears in my eyes from how divine ed looks when he's talking to hornigold about selling handmade shoes like what the fuck did the hair and makeup artists DO to make him even more stunning than before when they had already broken the scale in s1???????????? i feel like i should send them a thank-you care package for the gift they've given us

-"im actually just a very simple man" my sweet precious baby darling eddie boy. you are the most complex character i have ever become obsessed with in my entire life, and i was DEEP in the Castiel trenches at the height of SuperWhoLock tumblr from 2012 - 2014 as an unmedicated teenager still developing her prefrontal cortex.

-"like a jailer, but all the prisoners like you and they can go whenever they want" so what im hearing is ed likes having control over other people but also desperately wants them to like him AND choose to stay with him of their own free will and not because they have to. or it's just a funny simile for an inn like he said :)

-the jeff's inn by the sea roleplay scene makes me so insane i actually can't talk about it rn other than to say it's peak comedy and i want it permanently etched into my brain. also ed's little corsage makes me [feral shrieking]

-GODDD the way this season is so expertly slicing in clips from s1 as a quick flash of an image before coming back to the present is so extremely satisfying and also a direct punch to the solar plexis every time

-"grown man covered in tattoos, eh? with daddy issues?" no comment just screaming

-"we've been living second-to-second for a while now. it's actually kinda nice to have a deadline" this!!! this is what im talking about with the looming sense of impending doom hanging over you for so long that once you get confirmation that it's going to be over soon, even if it's because of a very permanent ending, there's a lot of relief that can be wrapped up in that

-"go on, bonnet. gimme your worst" i feel like i don't have the brain capacity rn to break that interaction down and tease out what izzy would've been expecting stede to do or say and what stede would've been thinking in that moment that was too overwhelming to actually voice but maybe someday i'll get to it

-"okay well i feel like im gonna choose...i feel like im supposed to choose...live" bbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo the intentional writing of ed to say "gonna" at first and then switching it to "supposed to" is sooooooooo insane dude holy shit. i need to know what factors caused him to change his wording. what was he going to say he was gonna do. who or what is pressuring him to make him feel like he's supposed to choose to live. are those two choices - what he was gonna do vs. what he feels like he's supposed to do - at war with each other or is the conflict brewing from the different motivations behind wanting to live vs. feeling like you're supposed to live. the writing is just too good

-godddd someone needs to make a post on hornigold telling ed they're in a judgement-free zone which is basically ed reminding himself that his mind is a safe space for his thoughts and how unbelievably sad it is that ed would even need to remind himself of that in the first place. he's so used to scrutiny and judgement (and it's one of his biggest fears when it comes to the people he cares about the most) that he doesn't even think he's free from it in his own head

-im just gonna say it. ed talking about warmth and intercourse and orgasms is foreshadowing

-"i don't think anyone's waiting for me" i'll actually go lie in the middle of the road right now i swear to god

-it's so interesting how ed gets angry that his fear that no one is waiting for him fucks his pros up

-i don't understand how olu didn't immediately clock that zheng was flirting with him when he's in her office like buddy if i see a very beautiful woman with a very sharp sword and she's pointing it in my direction? that's a marriage proposal

-HOKAYYYY FOLKS WE GOTTA TALK ABOUT OUR FIRST TRUE COMPETENT!STEDE SIGHTING IN THIS EP. he not only devises an escape plan ALL BY HIMSELF, he has the knowledge and foresight to . and guess what? IT ACTUALLY. WORKED. in fact, it was a SWEEPING success where he got EVERYONE safely off the red flag ship and onto his own!!!! this wasn't just some raid won with brute force or a fuckery accomplished due to loony tunes rules, this was an honest-to-god escape plan that required learning the shifts of the guards on deck and at the entrance to the brig to ensure those spaces would be as empty as possible, knowledge of the sleepy-time effects of chamomile in concentrated forms, knowledge of the layout of the ship he's been on for, what? a few days? maybe a week?, knowledge of where they store their weapons and then figuring out how to use the crossbow as a zipline AND remembering to have someone cut the line to prevent any red flag crew from boarding the revenge, figuring out how they can use towels to use said zipline, remembering that the revenge no longer has a wheel and utilizing wee john's strength to secure them a new one while disabling the red flag ship thus greatly increasing their chances of a successful escape. i guess now we know what the hell is going on in towels (it's scheming and plotting)

-jim grabbing archie's hand has they leave the brig

-stede's little hand gesture and "sss" noise he makes to communicate to lucius and black pete they're gonna move forward now even though they're all physically so close it literally would've been quieter if he just whispered his directions to them

-the person at the wheel looking longingly up into the sky. how much do we wanna bet she was thinking about zheng

-"just breathe into it black pe-" WHY ARE THEY SHUSHING MY BOY BUTTONS HE'S RIGHT

-"oy, ya cockeyed -" STOP SILENCING HIM

-"aye look at that, see that black pete -" LET HIM SPEAK

-IZZY PUSHING BUTTONS'S HAND DOWN AS HE'S TELLING BLACK PETE TO OBSERVE ARCHIE'S SHOOTING FORM IS EVERYTHING TO ME

-wee john profusely apologizing to the person he knocked unconscious before knocking them unconscious and then again after stealing their wheel. he is so dear to me

-i genuinely love how buttons wastes NO time in assuming his first mate duties again and directing frenchie and roach to start preparing the ship for sailing. it's just a nice reminder that stede chose him as his first mate for a reason beyond his propensity to attract a motley crew of unique characters - buttons is a genuinely highly skilled, highly competent, and extremely dedicated and hard working sea farer. who may or may not actually be a sea witch that has taken on the form of a humble man

-i actually am very charmed by olu still trying to persuade zheng to spare the lives of his friends while they're making out

-ooooohhhhh the fact that olu had to choose between zheng and jim was such a delightful mini conflict to see him go through. i might wind up making a post about his thoughts and motivations in that moment later on because it's so quick but so profound

-okay 1) the raw emotions in zheng's yell when she sees olu escaping on the revenge literally gave me goosebumps. 2) the look of absolute betrayal on her face in that closing shot gave me even MORE goosebumps. 3) ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR SLIGHTLY SUPERNATURAL FIRST MATE Y'ALL THEY ALWAYS KNOW WHAT'S UP

-i can't wait to see how this betrayal plays out in terms of the red flag fleet being an enemy to the revenge, even though we know it's temporary since we've seen Zheng Yi Sao and her fleet fighting alongside ed and stede in the s2 trailer and in the promotional materials for upcoming episodes

-UHHHH STEDE'S HEARTBROKEN FACE AS THEY'RE LEAVING HELLO?????????????????????????????????

-izzy trying to genuinely thank stede is so. Character Arc.

-also archie and jim training/fake sword fighting in the background

-"clarity? you've made your choice" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-ed realizing that he really just hates himself is going to be MY villain origin story

-what the HELL was up with hornigold doing that howl. hated that

-"i'm not loveable" "and you're scared to do anything about it" i swan to john im gonna start chewing on the steel cables that hold up suspension bridges you literally cannot do this to me right now

-hey so fun fact when kate bush's song kicked in i actually desperately wished someone would've given me one of those neat chamomile towels that makes you pass out instantly because :) i am wholly unequipped :) to hear that song :) in the context of this next scene :))))

-seriously if you haven't read the lyrics to that song yet, first contact your local veterinarian's office and schedule and appointment to be put down whenever their next available time is, then look up the lyrics

-stede calling him a nut again i literally

-UGH the CONFLICT you can see on stede's face when deciding whether or not to remove the fabric covering ed's head or not. does he want to remove the fabric so he can say one final goodbye, face to face? or does he want to leave the fabric on so his last image of ed in his memory will be when he's alive and excited at the prospect of running away with stede?

-the fact that stede is literally pulling the wool from over ed's eyes and waking him back up both physically and spiritually(???)

-like ed, who was resigned to his fate and at peace with his choice to sink into the depths and never wake up again, INSTANTLY finds the motivation to live the SECOND stede interacts with him and he starts fighting as hard as he can to return to the surface, and just when he thinks he's not strong enough and he'll succumb to the darkness anyway, a light appears to pull him back from the brink. stede's voice comes through begging ed to wake up, to come back to him, don't die please don't die, he's here now. and ed's face as he's hearing stede talk to him is so full of love and amusement and admiration and then a little confusion as mermaid!stede appears but goes right back into his fully smitten expression and longing gaze and i just. don't know how we were ever expected to recover from this.

-THEY WERE ACTUALLY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CRAZY TO JUST THROW THE GOD DAMN GENTLEBEARD/BLACKBONNET SEASON 1 BEST MOMENTS MONTAGE AT US LIKE THAT WITH NO WARNING DURING AN ALREADY EXTREMELY EMOTIONALLY TAXING SCENE

-anyway i am both irreparably broken inside and also reborn from this episode. thank you alyssa lane and alex sherman and also i will never forgive you for this

[simslegacy5083]

NSB (Straud Legacy) Gen 9 Ep 71: Fear and Fire

The Story of a Family

Luigi had rarely been happier to get home than he was as he returned from the gym. He limped up the steps on his sore ankle, looking forward to dropping into bed with an ice pack, a nice mixed drink, and that sci-fi novel Noemi couldn’t stop raving about.

Seeing Noemi had been the only bright spot in this absolutely cursed day, and the universe had even had to go and try to ruin that! He couldn’t wait for today to be over – surely tomorrow would be better, it had to be!

Entering the downstairs foyer the first thing he heard was Chubbs, meowing plaintively. Had he forgotten to feed her? Glancing up the steps Luigi did a double take. Smoke was pouring out from under the door of his bedroom, his cat standing nearby doing her best to alert someone to the problem.

Ignoring the pain Luigi bolted up the stairs, nearly falling headfirst into his room when his ankle buckled underneath him. Catching himself on the doorframe, he continued inside to find the table on which rested Papa Jack’s urn, and the candle from Beau he’d forgotten to extinguish, ablaze.

Luigi’s heart jumped into his throat as she saw the flames engulfing Papa Jack’s remains. Without thinking he started to reach forward to grab the urn out of harm’s way but was stopped short by the intense heat radiating from the fire.

Instead, he ran back out to grab the fire extinguisher hanging in the hallway, planting his feet and venting his fear and frustration in a primal scream as he sprayed the foam in a wide arc across the blaze.

Once the fire was extinguished Luigi was left with the charred remains of ruined furniture and his papa's urn, standing like a sentinel in the middle of it all. It looked OK, but he had no way of knowing if Papa Jack's connection to the physical world had remained intact. 

Luigi started to cry then, giant choking sobs that racked his entire body. He gasped out a plea to his papa, to the watcher, to anyone who could hear him to please let it be OK, to give him a sign. He didn't know how he'd live with himself if he’d destroyed his papa’s only link to the mortal realm.

Suddenly he felt a pair of strong arms wrapped around him, heard Papa Jack whisper in his ear that he was here, everything was OK.

For a long while all he could do to return the hug as if his life depended on it, his Papa rubbing his back like he used to do when Luigi was a child. Big fat tears cascaded down his cheeks as he told Papa Jack that he was so sorry, so stupid, and promised never to let anything like that happen again.

When his tears were finally spent Jack invited him to sit down and tell him everything. Luigi offloaded his tale of woe and apologized again, thanking him for coming. Papa replied that honestly, he hadn’t gotten a choice! He’d intended to visit as soon as he could when he heard Luigi’s sobs, but he’d found himself physically pulled across the barrier separating the worlds, unceremoniously deposited in the hallway of the boarding house.

After that Jack went downstairs himself to get his son that drink and the ice pack he needed more than ever after his terror fueled run.

Luigi downed his glass of nectar and strapped the pack to his burning ankle but decided not to risk falling asleep on his papa. Instead, using the wall for support, he hopped to the chess table just outside his door, settling in for a relaxing game while they chatted.

“I’ve been very proud of your recent accomplishments” Jack began. “Tell me the latest on your lovely ladies so I don’t offer you bad advice when this fine juice loosens my tongue later.” Luigi smiled, always happy to discuss his favorite sims.

Luigi told Papa Jack all about his latest dates with Amaya and Noemi, not sure how much had come across in his nightly updates to the urn. 

Jack was quiet at first, lost in thought. Finally, he told his boy “I’d say you’re incredibly lucky and unlucky. Both your girls sound great, but you’re not going to be able to keep the two of them fully satisfied indefinitely. Sooner or later, you’ll need to make a choice”. 

Amaya was clearly a lot of fun, but it seemed to Jack that she and Luigi didn't "click" as well as he and Noemi. However, his responsibilities as a legacy heir meant he had to have a child. Was he prepared to do that on his own if he wanted to stay with Noemi and she refused to come out of "hiding"?

Jack went on “You have time son, but your next birthday is closer than you might realize. I suggest you put some thought towards your future.”

Luigi frowned slightly as he processed his papa's advice. Being in college it sometimes felt like he was suspended in a bubble, not as "grown-up" as his cousins with their full-time jobs and "adult" responsibilities, but that wasn't true. Time marched on, and his university days would soon be over. 

He thanked his papa and pondered his next move on the board. Gazing contentedly at the ghost sitting across from him, he reflected that maybe it hadn't been that terrible of a day after all.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[blogger360ncislarules]

We are gathered here this evening to mourn the loss of George Marshall Cooper, Sr. The Young Sheldon patriarch met his maker in the Big Bang Theory prequel’s antepenultimate episode, which set the stage for Part 1 of Thursday’s series finale.

Portrayer Lance Barber appeared throughout Episode 13 — first in an alternate reality sequence where Sheldon (played by “mighty little man” Iain Armitage) imagines getting one last moment with Dad before he leaves and never returns.

“[Lance] was very instrumental in keeping everybody’s morale up, and seeing him towards the end start to get a little affected by it hit me harder than I thought it would,” Armitage shares with TVLine. “He’s always the funny one in between scenes, making jokes, making us look unprofessional because everyone’s laughing [when] they yell ‘action’ and we’re still snorting with laughter. [While filming those alternate realities] we kind of just looked at each other a few times and I’d go, ‘Thank you,’ and that… that struck me.”

Barber also appears at George’s funeral, which features an open casket. Throughout the somber affair, each family member goes up, one by one, and says a final goodbye. Raegan Revord, who plays Missy, went first. “Those tears are real tears,” she says. “I go up first, I walk back, and I’m still sobbing behind camera. I have to sit there and watch Montana [Jordan, who plays Georgie] and Zoe [Perry, who plays Mary] go up and say their goodbyes, and that was the most brutal for me.

“We had tentatively finished the scene, but I was sobbing even more [now],” she recalls. “I turned to our director [Michael Judd] and said, ‘I need one more. Give me one more.’ I went back up and I did it two more times. They told me they used one of those takes instead.”

Sheldon, who’s still presenting as stoic, decides that he doesn’t want to say goodbye before they close George’s casket. But a few minutes later, he gets up and delivers a eulogy. Or so it seems.

“I wish I could tell you that I said all those things, but I didn’t,” our narrator reveals, confirming that what we’ve just seen is a figment of Sheldon’s imagination.

“For a long time, I focused on my father’s shortcomings,” Jim Parsons’ alter ego acknowledges. “Now that I am his age and have kids of my own, I realize that he was just a person doing the best he could. And he did a lot. I didn’t say it as his funeral, but I can say it now: I loved my father. I will miss him forever.”

The way Armitage sees it, knowing that Sheldon regrets not speaking that day makes up for his decision. “I think it adds more layers to it than if it were something that Sheldon got up and said,” he opines, “which almost makes it more beautiful.”

Below, Young Sheldon co-showrunner Steve Holland, who penned the episode with co-creators Chuck Lorre and Steven Molaro, tells us about crafting George’s memorial.

TVLINE | Was there any apprehension about setting Episode 13 almost entirely at George’s funeral, featuring an open casket, having everyone in tears, not constantly mining the subject matter for laughs…? The endings of shows [are] always tricky, and you’re always aware that there’s a lot of audience expectation. At some point, you literally have to just put that aside and tell the story that you think is best and hope that people will follow you down that path. Otherwise, you can get lost in the spiral of “Are people going to like this? Are they going to hate this?” It felt important to us, for the family, and for the character [of George Sr.] to do it. You can’t treat this glibly. For us, living with these characters for all this time, they felt real; this family felt real.

Going into Episode 13, we were trying to find that balance where we recognize that it’s a comedy, and we were trying to have some moments of levity. We also wanted to make sure that we gave this moment its actual, proper weight. I think what we found was that there were some jokes and some lighter moments that were shot that, going into the edit, started to feel a little tone deaf. It felt like, “This family is grieving, and maybe we don’t need make a silly joke at this moment.” For the audience, too, they’ve lived with this family for so long that they can be in the shoes of our characters and also grieve George’s death. It’s emotional, and we felt like we had earned it. We also felt like that was being respectful to these characters to let them have this moment of grief.

It was difficult to write, it was incredibly difficult to shoot, and then we had to watch it over and over again in editing, and it gets me every time. Any time you cut to Raegan in tears, it gets me. It’s a weird mixture because the cast was also grieving the end of this show. It was really an emotional time. It took us two days, or a little more than two days in the church to film the funeral scenes — two days that were full of tears, people just weeping on camera and off camera, with some moments of levity. Lance wanted to be in the casket; he wanted to appear at his own funeral, so he’s actually in the casket, and he had a fart machine to lighten the mood when it needed lightening. But it was a rough couple of days.

TVLINE | Can you talk to me about the idea behind Sheldon playing all those scenarios — all those different ways he could have had one last moment with Dad — in his head? Was it a way to show that, in his own unique way, Sheldon was, in fact, emotionally intelligent? I think that’s exactly right. It kind of goes back to Episode 12. We spent a lot of time crafting George’s last moment — a lot of time for a scene where nothing happens — and it was very important to us that this just be an everyday moment. George is leaving for work, no one’s paying attention, that felt very real. Sheldon doesn’t even look up, he doesn’t say goodbye to him, and I think [the question] was, “How does Sheldon process grief?” It’s not that he doesn’t have emotions, he just doesn’t process them outwardly the way other people do, so for him it was running these scenarios. It was branching into timelines and what he could have said.

Running that back to the outside world, and especially to his sister, looks like he’s not affected at all by it. He just seems very stoic, in a way that is upsetting to her. But for him, this is how he is processing his grief; he’s trying to go back and rewrite those last moments with his dad in his brain. I don’t think he’s really even aware that that is what he is doing. As an adult, I think he is, but as a kid I don’t think he’s necessarily aware that he is processing grief. He’s trying to come to terms with those last moments and his regret over not recognizing that that might have been his last moment with his dad. There is a sort of weird, emotional intelligence to that.

TVLINE | We see Sheldon get up and give a eulogy, then discover that what we just saw never took place. It’s what he wishes he had said that day. I couldn’t help but contrast that moment with Sheldon’s Nobel Prize acceptance. At that point in his life, at the end of Big Bang, he’s able to step up and honor his chosen family and their contributions to his life. Was part of the conceit here, with his eulogy, to create a parallel and show what Sheldon couldn’t bring himself to express at 14, and what he was able to express 25 years later, at 39? A little bit. Obviously, the show is Young Sheldon. You want to have Sheldon have a moment at his dad’s funeral, but we also know that the character Sheldon has a lot more growth [ahead of him]. It can’t all happen here. We started to feel as we were talking about it that it felt phony for him to get up and give this speech. It’s a nice dramatic moment for our show and for our character, but it didn’t feel true to him. We had already talked about [older] Sheldon going back and rewriting those moments. It just felt like the natural way to get that moment for the end of the show and for the character, but not give him too much growth in this moment. It would sort of erase the 12 years of growth that it takes him to get to that moment at the end of The Big Bang Theory.

[shall-we-go-far-away]

okay, okay ep. 5 & 6: holy shit that was one hell of a ride wasn't it? (maybe whoever is reading this also saw my panicked posts from wednesday, yes I was losing my mind)

I'll try to do this as structured as possible but I can't promise anything so prepare for it to be just as all over the place as wednesday's episodes.. get ready, buckle up I have a lot of things to say:

first and foremost: FUCK YOU TAEHYUNG!! I was trying to be nice last time giving him a second chance and all because yk, I thought maybe just because he was annoying once, doesn't mean he has to be all the time but fuck was I wrong.. is he genuinely so stupid that he doesn't realize how his words affect jaewon or does he just straight up choose to ignore it?? or is it simply the mixture of both because wtf dude?? this guy is so blinded by his jealousy it's crazy like bro, how about you try and make it less obvious?? and considering how angry and uncomfortable he makes me (and jaewon) I was sooo glad jihyun and aeri were there and so happy to see they quickly picked up on how jaewon reacted and then decided to team up against taehyung (rightfully so)

especially jihyun (my cute little bean) was so attentive the entire time he really took one look at jaewon and immediately recognized something was off.. and because he was watching him so closely his reaction to jaewon slamming his hand on the table came almost naturally

moving on to aeri, I still think she's a bit much but that's probably because I'm introverted as fuck and she's clearly not.. I do really like her and jihyun's dynamic and loved their little class-skipping-shopping-sequence like you go besties!!

back to the junior-senior get together: that cut to jaewon being absolutely wasted was kinda scary and really shows how much he's struggling with everything and that he doesn't know how to properly cope with it.. and this little part of dialogue really stuck with me so once again props to jihyun for this simple yet very deep response

"you're not acting like yourself."

"hey, what is 'acting like myself'?"

"that's up to you."

I just feel like jaewon never heard something like this, he always had to fit into this box that the people around him created for him so someone saying who you are is up to you is complete news to him

harsh cut to jaewon waking up and the flashback with his brother: that shit hurt!! for some reason I expected his brother to be closer to him age wise (not that this would make him dying any less horrible) but when I saw jaewon with this little boy that just shattered me and jaewon just sitting there sobbing and desperately trying to put the camera back together was so painful to watch

skip to the beginning of episode 6: the scene of them in the car was also kinda hard to watch seeing jaewon so out of it like he wasn't even fully there (a quick round of applause for lim jisub who portrays this haunted look very well) apart from that I really liked that even though jaewon didn't answer jihyun's question he didn't let go and kept asking until eventually he gets an answer from jaewon

and now we're at a point where things started to get a little confusing for me:

while watching I felt like something was off, I couldn't pinpoint what it was (most of the time my brain has all the pieces of information but I can't put them together) but the episode felt different and then I saw a post on here (I tried not to read too much because I wanted most of this post to be my own impression) that said we might be seeing everything from jaewon's blurry, medication induced view which is why some things don't seem to add up and I think that's true or at least somewhat close to what was happening

I was actually debating which route to go with because so many possibilities about what was actually happening in ep. 6 came to my mind at first I actually thought jaewon might've overdosed in the car and ep. 6 didn't happen at all but were a hallucination or nightmare (what made me think that was the weirdly bright lighting and everything looking kinda blurry which always was an indicator of a dream or something unreal happening in any sort of media I've ever seen) but I don't think so anymore I would actually go with what I mentioned above and this blurry look comes from jaewon's medication

OOOR they chose this lighting to show how this entire trips feels like a dream because it's only jaewon and jihyun, completely separated from other people and far from their actual lives so of course that feels somewhat dream like

what I'm trying to say is: I don't think the entire episode was fake

I think making it all fake would be a waste of an episode and judging from the rest of the show so far it doesn't really seem like something the creators would do.. I think?? (maybe that's why I want some of the theories here to be true so bad because I don't want this episode to be wasted as a dream or whatever)

I would also agree with others that jihyun is probably fine, maybe a little shaken and scared but not physically hurt.. I think we see the accident happen from jaewon's pov and he's imagining it way worse than it is

nonetheless that shit scared me, how the entire mood switched and went so dark all of a sudden and then jaewon screaming jihyun's name.. I think the worst part were the silent credits and damn, that silence was loud.. let's just say, I cried..

alright, I think that's it.. I kind of lost focus in the end so idk if I actually said everything I wanted to but I think I covered most of it