#THE WORLD ISNT THR SAME
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👏 the show is different than the books bc it’s a 👏different 👏 time 👏
#just in little ways#but it’s the small things that count#ricks grown as a storyteller#we’ve grown too#the world is different#we interpret mythology differently and understand contexts better#THE WORLD ISNT THR SAME#even just the small things matter and make it seem more real#em’s bullshit#leo’s pjo#pjo tv show#pjotv#pjo#percy jackson#percy jackson tv show
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Thr thing about re:zero is its an explicitly feminist text thats perpusfully situated itself within a misogynistic genre. This means it has a weird audience. Especially since it doesn't immediately differentiate itself from its comparables. Subaru has a habit of dehumanizing woman. Even if he doesnt think them lesser than men. The Roswaal house looks like a harem on the surface. It gives visual noval vibes. Subaru himself likens finding Betty's library to "flag catching". Subaru's rbd makes the whole world sorta game like. BUT his time travel doesnt "get him the girl(s)" If anything it often makes his relationships worse. Bc the girls hes talking to are real people like him and will not always react as expected. Or the same way as before. And conversations cant be forced to follow the same path. On the suface it has all the halmarks of a normal harem isekai. But then it just isnt. And not just in the horror aspects. more importantly in the character aspects.
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and now I'm upset again I fucking give up
why was I fighting for my life trying to stay awake and failing at 4pm in the afternoon and now its 1:30am I cant fucking sleep at all :^/
#whats even the point of coming on here to talk about it everything i feel exists in a complete vacuum it might as well not be real#i cant even tell what is and isnt real anymore i think im in physical pain too and thats stopping me sleeping but i dont know#no one perceives it no one knows its just me experiencing it until it alleviates or worsens#all pain is the same i dont know if its physical or just in my head bc im fucking upset over the same fucking shit im always upset over#and its never going to change bc the world is just cruel. theres no other reason anymore#one of my main triggers for the urge to self harm if a tree falls and i dont have physical injury from it did it even happen to me really#no one believes me when i try to express how i feel its constantky denied to me and i dont harm for attention ive never shown anyone scars#but i do kind of do it for attention from myself bc at least it was real at least i quantified it in a tangible form#this isnt really related im not harming de i just want to but im too tired and it wont solve anything just temporarily feel better#but ill get so upset over the same things again and again in thr future so what difference does it make in the end still no one knows#just feel so lonely why does being around other people make me feel so much lonelier im so fuckinf broken in the head#i just cant fucking express anything and i have so much shame about everything i feel and i cant believe anyone cares im too untouchable#living my life superimposed over thr stream of reality but not in it and someday ill die and ill never even have crossed paths#non eof anything im thinking even makes sense anymore j just want to sleep but i cant i just want a little comfort but i cant#the worst thing js just how much of my own fucking time all this feelinf and thinking wastes its so bitter its funny#could be spendinf these hours i feel so fucking shit every weekend engaging in hobbies and doing things i ljke but i dont injust feel shit#so sad looking back on the last decade of mental illness and how much time its wasted ik i couldnt have done anything different#but its held me so far back from everything and it still does im so tired and. LONELY!!!!!! its all been thr same for so long and goes on#nevwrmind i dont even care im going to go try sleeping again#sorry for venting again well im not actually i feel so much guilt already that being pathetic online doesnt make a difference#so 👍 ill wake up and feel better ornmaybe not but ill feel better eventually i had a good week other than the end#it all comes back around thats what makes it so funny and pointless everything is so temporary and this is where my time all goes#anyway goodnight. dont even worry abt it#.vent
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Oh yea i forgot to explain some stuff abt thr RPTA (I mentioned it in the Bruner post)
The Rescuer Preparation and Training Academy is well.... A school for future rescuers, obviously...
To get in it, you need to go through an exam, its similar to like in MHA where you have some rescue entrance exam to get into UA.
To be able to take the exam, you need to sign up at 15 and take it at 16 (when you sign up, it depends on your year of birth, so if youre turning 15 (14½) youre technically 15 and can sign up)
So anyways,
Not many students make it into rescuers, there are a good handful in the world.
Most students drop out, and thats normal for the RPTA. Every year, almost half drop out, or even more than that.
There are a couple categories (like university faculties) that you can apply for:
- Police
- Fire-Related Emergency
- Healthcare
- Mid-Air Rescue (Most recent category)
- Emergency in Waters (Sea Patrol)
- Forest Rangers
- Freestyle/Custom Rescuer
(Basically, its a non-specific category)
You can take multiple categories and merge them together, but you'll have to be able to keep up cuz you'll be learning both at the same time (which can be stressful and tiring)
Some students signed up for this and a majority of them dropped out.
You can also switch categories if you want or if you think your current one isnt the one for you.
Now let's talk abt the Air Rescue Category: I mentioned beside it that its a new category that was recently formed due to the more modern technology in their timeline. Helly is in that category.
The category was formed when Helly was signing his form on joining the RPTA so he was pretty much the first batch to ever take the faculty.
Unfortunately, it seems that it wasnt as popular as the other ones, there were only around 24 that took it. But that means Helly has less competition as he trained his entire childhood to become a hero! He can handle it!
For now this is all I have abt the RPTA,
Yeah...
Yall can freely use this concept for your own AU
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...
okay last thing before going to sleep otherwise I won't sleep or I'll forget. Cuz I meantioned Asdis' curse and blessing and I'm sure there like an actually writing term for the cross of a tragic flaw and the monkey's paw. Or just concept that every blessing is a curse and every curse is blessing as something that will help oc in their life and constantly draw them back just as much. (Yes I did watch Ella Enchanted at formative age and then was banned from watching it because of normal reason thus making it my favorite movie)
of course I talk alot of Luka's because its quite real for them Menphina's blessing soothes their heartaches and comforts their sorrows and with overcoming that pain naturally Luka doesn't grow as person. Stuck in this cycle some days more than others. Forever delightful and distant. While it motivates them and aid them in pushing forward and same time is doubt of Luka's strength. Do they carry the world while not feeling its weight because they leave that burden to others and Luka can't have that doubt bother them that long.
But for Asdis its not really know to her. Just starting with her adopted parents. This elderly couple find this werid looking toddler in the veggie patch one day and just fall in love with her. The child they never had despitely quickly growing twice their size and just being creepy (asdis empathic abilities) somtimes. Even Asdis commits murder/mansaulgher I forget which it is. They can't be mad at her and Asdis doesn't feel like what she did is wrong. While feels that intial horror, the worry that concern. Her parents reassure her so surely that she doesn't feel her own remorse. And then with her aunt the woman doesnt like her. The woman might actually despise her but even still Asdis is cared for and protected in her home because thats her niece and you love family (this coming from the woman that hasnt spoken with her sister on princple for many years and stole her family's wealth when she moved to an enmey city). Her aunt trust her so much and isnt that a kind of love to be given someone's last request. and of course Asdis' never-to-be husband that worships the ground she walks one because he werido. Spends years stalking (waiting) for her as she possesed by a voidsent and ultimately giving up his life for her. Asdis is so loved that she taken from the people that love her so much. [Wording here is delibraite because Asdis can never be sure she loves someone genunie because she feels their love for her stronger than her own emotion. I mean Asdis felt her emotions once and a guy died] her aunt's dying wish leads to massace in sil'dih. Even the voidsent getting fed emotions via Asdis' empathy feels that emotion that the two entwined by some feeling more than anything else after to 1000 years or so. At that point Asdis is scared that Achlys will somehow leave her but that impossible right? Freaking shadowbringers seprerating her soul from the voidsent. Like did thr crystal exarch not read the purchuse recommendatiosn. So yeah that repeating thing in asdis story. That love isn't the thing that makes Asdis good. Its usually a path to being more evil. As how she felt their love too feed Asdis' delusions of grandeur too so thats great. Maybe being hated would fix her.
Luken is his own blessing and curse. He master of his own fate (no matter how much he wants to ask the spinner why?? It is just him). He just a dude trying to live his life and he keeps making a hot mess of it. Luken has choice to help himself and he doesn't. Luken walks the fine line between self-sabotage and being his best self everyday. Like he could be legitmate busness owner but he running his small crime ring in the backroom. He trapped himself so far into his past that he destroyed his future. Luken doesn't have good or bad luck he just his choices and the the consequces of them. Not even calling a good or bad choice. Their isnt the right or wrong of it its just up, down, left, right and he ends up going in circle anyways. Its called Luken's Narrative because he doomed by it.
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EIHF Anon here and listennnnn my head has been spinning about this.
As Rhaenyra's pregnancy progresses, the king gives her more and more authority and power. Initially, Rhaenyra is thrilled, but the bitterness starts to kick in when she begins to wonder if her father denied all of this power and autonomy to her mom because she had not given him a son. Her mother had the smarts and the temperment for all of this--why did he deny it to Aemma?
Otto is Not Having It. He enlists Alicent to find out what the hell is actually going on. And she's not received warmly. Rhaenyra is extremely uncomfortable with the "miracle" pregnancy but also just as defensive of her newfound worth in her father's eyes. Otto figures His Grace just needs his eyes opened--to see that there are other women in the world, live ones. And so after months of watching Rhaenyra swan about the Red Keep in her mother's gowns, Otto tells Alicent to put on one of *her* dead mother's gowns and go to the king. Maybe she walks in on some boundary-crossing weirdness, and Rhaenyra realizes what's going on and doubles down HARD.
And idk where the rest of this goes. But Alicent loses her damn mind because her dad's making her have a Dead Mother Off with her bestie. And it ends up with Alicent luring Rhaenyra to the Sept to make her repent, and the resulting screaming match sends her into labor.
in my mind rhaenyra has to really compartmentalize her feelings about her mother and father, especially how viserys treated aemma. but that becomes harder and harder to do when shes literally stepping into her mothers shoes and has to experience firsthand the similarities and the differences in how viserys treats them.
viserys is uh. absolutely one of those men who dont realize women are people until they have daughters.
theres a bitterness there cause if rhaenyra is so much like aemma then why couldnt aemma have been allowed this power too? and theres a fear as well like, since viserys only gave her this extra authority after getting pregnant, that he only believes in her because rhaenyra is ‘giving him a son’ and if she ‘fails’ him (loses thr baby like her mother lost all hers. doesnt have a boy) hell take it all away from her. and even if she does give her father what he wants. whats to stop him from naming her son his heir instead?
rhaenyra is dealing with this pregnancy she maybe doesnt want, that she cant tell anyone the truth about, feeling very uncertain and insecure AND THEN her bestie alicent walks in on a very intimate and uncomfortable and very un-father-daughter moment between her and viserys. (im picturing viserys maybe like fawning over her baby bump. singing valyrian lullabies. or something) (and for alicent its maybe. somehow. strangely. reminds her of herself and otto? but that cant be right. they arent like this) all dressed up and pretty and now she has to worry about her father.. cheating on her?? with her best friend?? does she have no one she can trust?
so rhaenyra sends alicent away that night and every night she shows up and that only solidifies her decision. rhaenyra has to double down. cozy up even closer to viserys. make him depend on her as much as she depends on him.
alicent is horrified. shes been watching silently as her friend slowly becomes unrecognizable to her. rhaenyra isnt even speaking to her anymore. and otto is now trying to do the same thing to her. after what alicent walked in on and rhaenyras harsh reaction shes become convinced that rhaenyra is fucking viserys. that hes the father of her baby. thats more than rhaenyra losing her virginity and lying about it, more than run-of-the-mill targaryen ‘queer customs’. parent/child incest is a sin even for them. so alicent tries the only thing she knows and tricks rhaenyra into going to the sept with her. to make her repent. to convince rhaenyra to end this relationship with her father.
screaming match happens cause rhaenyra cant tell alicent the truth. its not like alicent would think the truth was much better, even if she would, rhaenyra is so fucked up by now she cant trust alicent. what if that truth somehow got back to viserys?
we have a few choices for what happens next….
if rhaenyra loses the baby, viserys tries to kill himself (convinced the gods have cursed him to never have a living son) if rhaenyra has a girl, viserys tries to kill himself (realizes he was wrong about rhaenyras virgin pregnancy and baelons rebirth. that his daughter CHEATED on him) his attempts arent successful though, cause viserys cant do ANYTHING right, but he does become basically catatonic for a good while afterwards.
now rhaenyra has to deal with the trauma of losing her baby/being a teen mother, essentially/nearly losing her father, AND having the entire weight of the realm fall to her. cause its not like viserys can rule in this state. and its not like she can pass off the rule to the hand or name a regent, cause then the realm will think shes weak.
OR… rhaenyra does have a boy.
and she has to deal with the horror and trauma of having her child taken away from her. being raised by her father as HIS own son. having to always refer to her son as ‘brother’ never being able to hold him as a mother. the terror that shes going to wake up one day and viserys is going to decide to name her son his heir over her. having to vie against Her Own Son for her fathers affection…
#ive spoken before abt disliking nyra+ali besties storyline BUT#im willing to play nice and i think it actually works well for this au#alicent would be the only one willing to investigate what the Fuck is Going On#even if its just because her dad made her#also sowwy anon my replies are so slow#my brain works off dial up internet#thanks for giving me a good tag for this too#EIHF#rhaenyra targaryen#viserys i targaryen#alicent hightower#asks#my posts
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I wonder if part of it is landscape of media at the times, because I don't recall this being the issue when 2011 rolled around and a whole new audience was introduced via the show. It very much was a fun time of analyzing the story as something more meaningful then gritty fantasy.
But then the show got worse over time and around season 5 and 6 there was a shift in perspective. Because it did become more about the killing and unexpected deaths as the focus, and people then took that lens and put it on the books. So they're looking at the books with a lens of a story telling method that isnt there.
But because it's also so popular it means these people all look at their own stories to tell and use that mistaken lens of dark and gritty as their focal point when it is not about the death. Neds death wasnt there to be shocking and author kill happy because SO many moving parts had to come together and lead up to it.
But people were shocked by it, and that mistaken their shock as authorial intent and it has started a chain reaction of souring story telling as gritty sells. When it doesnt. GoT only did well when it had thr heart of the story in mind, as soon as it became about the death around season 5 did notably was not the cultural phenomenon it once was and nothing thing to mimic that grit has succeeded like early GoT.
If you read agot and then adwd youd be like "are these even the same story?" Because so much of that world was meaningfully filled out in between. Robbs death wasnt memorable because it was shock value, it was memorable because if EVERYTHING that led up to the character he had grown to be and the tragedy of having it taken away.
I think part of it is just really, general audiences only took away the violence and shock value and mistakenly decided that has always been the intent. When asoiaf and even early seasons GoT were using death and violence as a tool to tell a greater story, not to be the story itself. But that became the popular take away of the series and people both use it to wrongly judge asoiaf and also use it as a template for their own stories when that takeaway is entierly incorrect.
I think you're right and the dividing line you have noticed is right where D&D lost interest in adapting the books after they finished A Storm of Swords. There was still a great deal of misreading of the series before that, but they went completely off-book after that point and the series became exactly what I'm complaining about: feeding characters into a meatgrinder for shock twists!!! and not to serve the narrative, and not progressing character development past the point it reached in ASOS. Just repeating the same beats after that. Lack of follow-through on consequences of anything, like Cersei can just blow up the Vatican with the president and vice president inside it and there's no fallout. Everyone reverts to roughly where they were at in Book 2 having learned nothing. Big setpieces that wrap up in ways that are visually dramatic but make no thematic sense (I'm still mad about Arya killing the Night King, wtf was that). Etc.
I think it's entirely possible to misread the books this way all on one's own -- just visit reddit -- so I wouldn't blame it all on show-onlies. But the TV adaptation did not help, absolutely.
edit to add: I very much remember the "evil santa" and "GRRM loves death" memes in the early years of the show, though. I don't think that was new, it just got worse.
#I'd be really interested to see which creators were book fans and took this approach. otherwise it's hard to tease apart#but take for example The Walking Dead which very much uses this Anyone Can Die template until you've just pulverized the audience#but it didn't start out that way! it turned into that on a timeline that directly mirrors GOT I'd argue and that's when it got popular#even Saga (a great comics series) relies on this too much#death is not the only way to progress your story!!!!!! come on
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Rant about clothes
im back again with my silly timeline merge guys
am i designing zeldas yes very very slowly
that being said i red did Wilds design twice because the guy needed it and i am very glad witht he end result but i am going to over explain it because i simply can
Notes
"Doesnt work" his scared ear doesnt work
"from champions leather" all the darker leather armor and belts are from champions leather
"Tunic of the Wild" its the tunic of thr wild hes wearing
"Purah made it" purah made the prosthetic
"Bunny ears" there floppy like bunny ears!
"both sheika design" botht thr sleve on his amputated arm and under shirt are of sheika origin
"Still has sages" he still has the sages(thr braclet/rings) is nit there because i forgot to draw it
"Heart and stamina contanire" i thought it be cool if he actully had necklesses of them rant is underneath if you want to learn about my specific choices
reasons as to why Wild is now wearing green So first off youll notice he is infact not wearing the champions tunic when everyone else is wearing there main tunics
thats because age is wearing ig and I specifically do not want Wild wearing the champions tunic for not just that reason but hes not a knight anymore atlest in this au there is ni more princess or queen and no more Hyrulien army there sre no more champions which is also why i wsnt Age and Wild to be very distictly diffrent because there worlds and lifes are so different
now originally I still had Wild in blue
For one no part of it was my design yes all of them are in there own tunics from game or whatever but there slightly personalized and designed to my liking in this design the only thing that is mine is the design of the hood that is an exact copy of the zoras tunic and thr royal gaurds pants which i hated so much
so just do your own design of the zoras armor
but why the zoras armor
it was a random choice really maybe cas it was blue or maybe cas it was made by mipha but thats not like a ship im going for and ive already established i want age and wild to be as diffrent as possible so why did i do it
i have no fucking idea
but i do know another reason i hate it is a similar problem the designers had in making link originally its noted in the creating a champion book that they needed to keep him regatnixable as link, and zoras armor if your in the fandom sure but if your not then thats not link to you.
so its a big no go
the next design isnt even worth showing you
But i can talk about it
its when i finally used the tunic of the wild. Now why did i choose the tunic of the wild, its although not thr most popular armor still his green tunic, diffrent from age and very very very easy to play around with and differentiate from the other links. But also the meaning that the tunic has not only is it described as a tunic that diffrent adventurers wore it also proves the hard work he did that he deffited sll the fucking shrines he collected wll the koroks wnd just helps add to that wild i fucking did it sll nature hes supposed to have
But okay wtf was this 2nd design
i just added a bunch of diffrent aspects of different outfit peices ontop of the champions. Tunic, and i fucking hated it. I had the logic of oo i cant draw him in every single outfit so ill just put them all into one snd it was ugly also again no originality to it
so i settled on the one i showed you at the top
i still added refrences to the champions leather but i just though it looked better this way more simple
i did do a design of him in the champions lesther tho
Now im able to get away with it looking diffrent from age cas its cannon that zelda had to remake the tunic so it can be new and diffrent
I made ages simpler and more like the game cas i felt it fit better no spefic reason really
i also did not relize i used the same undershirt as in the champions leather cas i based it off of the orginal one
So yeah that is my silly reasoning as to why i redesigned wild 3 times and why he is now in green
#Timeline merge#timeline merge au#links meet au#linkverse#my au#my artwrok#my ar#art rant#digital art#legend of zelda fanart#legends of zelda#zelda au#loz#loz au#loz fanart#botw link#botw#totk link#totk#age of calamity#aoc#hw aoc
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Mochi, I found a song that I think screams sb blood Scar, Can't go back by crane wives, I shall explain why.
The song starts by saying, "It's time to learn to be more forgiving of yourself and your sins." LIKE PERFECT LINE FOR SCAR?!?! (And with the latest chapter of Sb blood Scar asking himself, "Can a monster be good," cheifs kiss)
"And all the mistakes you made you've got to try to take the lessons away from them and leave the rest behind" This is more to add with the first line of the song, Scar has to forgive himself and learn to be at peace for what he did to rebuild his and mumbos friendship.
"Uh, regret, put it out, put it out of your mind" this is how Scar felt before he told the truth to Mumbo/Grian about what he's done all of that regret slowly building up as time went on.
"All the self-loathing I'm the world won't change a thing" This I Think, perfectly describes how Scars self hatred towards himself (Scar has a lot of it in many different forms) dosent allow him to see a better version of himself.
"Cause you can't go back, darling." After Scar left that note in Mumbos many, many, many years ago, he couldn't bare ever going backing, facing Mumbo.
The time has come for moving on, You can't be trying to dig up what you already buried. You got to carry on, carry on. Carry on. " This lyric right here. omg how does this not scream how Scar felt after leaving Mumbo behind ⁉️⁉️
It's not fair fair, its not fair it's not fair (When have you ever known the world to be a fair place?) THIS THIS RIGHT HERE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THIS SONG SCREAMING SB BLOOD SCAR‼️‼️ this lyric would be a sumped up version of When Scar dropped Scotts contract and Scott threatened Tubbo (if you are wondering Scar is bolded and scotts isnt)
"It's not fair (All the things end and all things change) It's not fair, (You'll look back and laugh some day) it's not fair (Or atleast you'll learn to be okay) I see this as current Scars emotion and future Scars emotion and how much they have both grown and changed as a fae
"Cause you cant go back darling, the time has come for moving on" This is current Scar knowing how much he messed up with Mumbo and Grian to the point he knows there relationship will never be the same
"You can't be trying to dig up what you already buried, you got to carry on, carry on. Carry on." Scar needs to prove he has changed for the better and fix the hole he made not dig it up even deeper.
"It's time to learn to be more forgiving of yourself" This lyric I think is one of the key examples that this song is sb Scar because he really does need to be more forgiving of himself because if he needs to forgive himself before others can forgive him as well.
(I love crane wives music sm and it played while reading thr latest chapter and I was like woah sb Scar fr fr)
OHOHO 👀👀👀
I will have to look at the song but it def gives sb!scar vibes for sure :3c
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Neb I woke up and Dog instantly told me there was a P5 mobile game announced and I've never been so shook.
So far it feels a bit like it's taken everything cool from P5 and just. Done it again, like even what I can assume is the first bosses big monstery form has a face suspiciously like Kamoshida's.
Like good on Atlus finding a new fun way to milk P5 for money but. Why have we done it's so nice do it twice? (Which I'm actually glad for since there's a chance we'll never get it)
the new protags thinking sprite is literally just akira's . the amount of asset reusing is gonna be insane. it reminds me of when people used to edit ocs off of danganronpa sprites so like, they looked Good but always a little uncanny.
anyway anyway yeah it really does seem to be the same shit slightly to the left. i can't fathom... why? like the original p5 released in china didnt it; so this isnt like minecraft or terraria where they release an entirely "new" game for that market (ie changing things to comply with laws over there)
i guess its just ? a cool mobile game???? lowkey expecting it to be like FEH where you can summon heroes from other SMT/Persona worlds. I hope. Why thr fuck haven't they shown any gacha.
#it looks cool and id like to play it but also stop riding p5s dick and let her breath#like im fine with p5 being milked but . like.#shrugs
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Im a little late but oh well, in tribute to that anon I'm going to break down some of the key points in zuzu's arc.
1. His childhood: undoubtedly shit, but not shit in anyway that makes him stand out from the rest of the show. Azula was raised in the same environment, but Aang, Sokka, and Katara definetly had it worse off. I mean, when Zuko looked back on his childjoodx pre-agni kai what were the wprst parts? His sister was mean, and his did had a favourite child. (Which again, is also an experience azula went through, idk why he gets such special treatment).
2. The agni kai: undoubtedly the worst part of zukos life, there isnt a lot to say here really. It was horrible, and upsetting.
3. Searching for the avatar: also not much to be said, brings up a lot of questions about irohs credibility as a leader/authoritt over both zuko and the world.
4. Season 1: zuko is objectively, the worst. Like, hes awful, he lies and cheats and sneaks and steals all for his own personal gain, he has no real allegiance to claim at this point. The fire natiom had forsaken him, hes fighting only for himself and his own crooked view of what honour is. His best moment was trying to save Zhao, its the only significant display of empathy from him we see to my recollection in thr season.
5. Season 2: im gonna say it, Zuko Alone, he fully deserved the treatment those villagers gave him, he was, and is, and aspires to be their direct opressor. They hsve no obligstion to like him no matter what they do. He pushes all the blame for his downfalls on azula, when in fact ozai is the prime offender. Crossroads of destiny saw him tomhrow away all of his development up to that point (which consisted of him falling physically ill for doing something moral) and was just disappointing really. Had zuko not down a complete 180, id probably like his arc more.
Season 3: zuko continues his trend of expected people he opresses of like him amd doing things for him, unfortunately for the gangs integrity it works. Zuko is just a bad a brither as azula is a sister. And he almost fails to best the shit out of a mentally ill child and has to have his friend clean up his mess.
Post-show: im not even... we dont have time to get into that here...
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i think im having my midlife crisis. cuz time is passing so fast and im just... so tired. so tired of spending everyday miserable and stressed and hoping tomorrow will be better, when it never is.
i dont want to have to struggle for another 10 years just to get a simple little home that isnt infested with roaches or has rats in the walls. i want to be able to get up in the morning to drink coffee and watch the news. see kids walking to school. learn to sew. go fishing every now and again. own a car. be able to sleep without fretting over which bill to pay before cutoff.
i. i dont feel like ill ever escape. the community around me doesn't care because im not homeless of suffering enough, because i can still work even if im a husk of a human. because everyone has to work or die. work or die.
ive spent thr last few days pouring over applications, loan possibilities, houses, financial aid, bills, etc. no jobs have reached back to me except scams or ones that are basically downgrades from what i already do. i look and i look and i look, i used that suggested google jobs thing, but all the good jobs are off the island, require 10000 years experience, have no benefits, or are all work that i utterly despise. i dont qualify for loans and make too much for financial aid.
and they always say the same thing. get rid of your pets (as if rehoming is even cheap or easy), get rid of internet, make sacrifises sacrifices and more sacrifices. get up at 4am to wait in food bank lines for old meat, leftover produce, and stale cake. constantly plead to strangers and justify your life. because thats just life! your not allowed to have nice things when youre poor, dont you know? if you do, then thats wasting money and we wont help you. you deserve what you get because happiness comes with money.
i just want out. and i guess jokes on them. if i rehome my pets, well, that would mean id finally be free to off myself. because im sorry to say, but theyre the only thing that holds me back. i hate this world. i wasnt built to survive here. i dont have any passions or drive or... anything.
i dont know why im here. just to suffer and be miserable until im too old and weak to work, to die alibe in a ditch.... i dont have anything worth anything.
and what makes me fucking laugh! is that the last time i went to my psych appointment i was like. i cant do this! im tired of being tired! and they pushed me to try their therapy again and that theyd get a case worker to call me and to think of all things i can change instead of what i cant... i agreed but was open with how i didn't have much faith in the system. how they failed me in the past and that makes me wary.
that was two weeks ago.
case worker never called me. therapist never called me. i cant change anything.
all because of stupid fucking bills and checks and jobs and money because no one deserves to live happy!
ill never escape. ill never have a live worth living. i dont have anyone to go to the movies or amusement parks with, no one who would drop by for coffee and a chat, no one to go to cons with. im just a little icon on a blue website. if i died tomorrow, if my queue ended... no one would mourn me not really. no one would cry. because im just broken and incapable of making genuine connections. id just be another quiet blog, a blip in the radar.
#ditto rambles#negative /#not becayse people here arent great but cuz im fucking nothing#im an a void in flesh#i am an empty flask#suicide ideation ///#i guess#whatever#im tired#long post#cant remember how to read mre#i hate everything i hate my job i hate my life i hate that im not good enougb to reach out and build bonds#i wish i was more broken more trash so at least theyrd understand how i feel!#but instead ill just#work until i die alone
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This might turn out really long but I feel like mha is suffering from the most recent plague in media: refusing to let the good guys get a win. It's like writers think that if anything good happens to the characters, it will be considered undeserved or easy. That veiwers will be disappointed that the worst case scenario isnt shown and then put to shame by something even worse. Thr bad has to keep escalating forever. Absolutely nothing can go according to plan, no preparations will ever be enough, no amount of power can overcome the obstacles at hand. It's like how infinity war had all these heros with their abilities showcased in dozens of movies, bit none of them could operate at full capacity, do anything clever, or make good decisions bc if they did, it would be over. There were dozens of things the good guys could have done, painfully obvious solutions, but those were all off the table because either they would have instantly ended the story or removed all stakes. Mha is doing that same thing. The hero force should not be failing the way they are. Shoto's new move should have worked, Toya should have been defeated, but if that had happened the story couldn't have moved on properly. Star should have beat shigaraki. Eraser should have been healed by Eri. (Hell, everyone should have been). But doing these things ends the story, so instead the good guys just have to keep losing, over and over again, when they shouldn't, because of plot. The plot is not written for the world it happens in.
Puss in boots 2 didn't do this. The good guys, every step of the way, win. They get the map, then they get to the forest, then the map gets taken from them because of their limitations that will later be overcome, not because of the bad guys getting a random power boost just to keep the stakes up. They have character development that impacts the plot and furthers their goals, instead of the goalposts being constantly moved.
I know its odd to compare these pieces of media. I've been thinking this about mha for quite some time, but I just recently saw the last wish and kept thinking how satisfying it was that things didn't go wrong for no reason all the time.
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spirit realm . wtf is up with that . how do you think william fits into it all
ohhh lord i will be ill thinking about this it Will be the death of me. because like... god who fucking KNOWSSSSS. so far we know of 3 characters with spirit world connections and theyre so DIFFERENT but similar??? like ok we have william mal and ashe right. william and mal are the most "obviously" similar but honestly beyond thr powersets... theres nothing. williams "deal" with the wisps is NOTHING like what mal and ghoul have. mal and ASHE however, are way more interesting. because... mal knows more about the book than even ashe does. hes FAMILIAR with it. his deal with ghoul, where ghoul can possess him, is much more similar to ashe and the trickster. right??? so how DOES william fit in there??? the wisps picked HIM. for a reason. if it were possible to just Make a new planeswalker they wouldve done it fucking forever ago. so he was already special? but why him? natural curiosity mixed with sight abilities? right place wrong time? he was COMPELLED to follow the wisps when he first saw them yknow it wasnt fully his own choice. and seemingly nothing after that was his choice at ALL like we can assume mal and ghoul have some sort of deal/contract/agreement going on since they work and apparently live together and mal calls ghoul his "friend" but like. what the fuck happened. why are the wisps the only ones who've made a planewalker? are wisps a... subspecies of spirit, like demons? how does someone become a wisp can that HAPPEN??? william seems to believe theyre all individual souls who were once alive so whats up with THAT. and like on that topic was EVERYTHING in the spirit world alive once? we know the grounskeeper was, sure, but ghoul? duck? the trickster????? we know the spirit world was CREATED a very long time ago but like... are the things like the clowns in the carnival souls? were they alive once or are they just... creatures, created only to exist there???? dear hod this is a ramble isnt it. i literally want to go find quotes to back myself up here but i cant think of any. also totally unrelated but does time pass the same in the spirit world???? williams dreamvisions are when hes asleep so we cant know THERE but like. when pd went to the spirit world how long were they gone why the fuck didnt they ASKKKKK. oh my god. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT....
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Look at these fucken cocksuckerrs attack my today caus eits a venus pluto aspect. More abuse to firce me out of my home a story 39 years old.
Girss they like me posting shit like this. Take a not from russia.
Well with the next venus transit in a litle bit. They’ll probably try and hook me uo with anothet homo to abuse me with. One of the reasons i use the trrm cocksuckers so liberally.
Feels nive walkign bare foot through the feilds and the streets. Well until you step on somwthign sharp.
They disrupt an entire building just to fuck woth me.
Theres a lot of glass on this dtreet.
Guess it doens matter to them. To disruot eveyone. Beyond me. Theres inly a couple high functioning peripek there. Everyone elde is on welfare.
There soemthign jsut olain worn i. The sensarion of walking on asphalt. Once you step on dirt. Or grass its a healthier vibe. Which is why i always walk the curb. The sensation isnt as depressing.
They really want me to make that Oo card as fore and brinstone dint they. Yeah im
Not doing that. Male female male female pope
Devil. Blow me.
Get attacked on thr pope card get attacked on the devi wyeha ill say it again blow me.
May i go
Back now and mind my own bussiness instea sof you? Ya, no? Im i not
Allowed experience lif
At all without any interfernece fuck cocksuwkrs
Like
Ya’ll.
Been alive for 39 fucken years. Still dont know what rhat feels liek.
But as that turns out its mostly in the Об, where the associstions and connections are related to doom and fire, clothing and lack. This means that thid is s combinations of card О with card Б, which as been shown to be the tower card. Though letter О is a big letter and when it passes from letter Об to that of Ор for example. The scene changes. Like the word Орган. Which is not a tv celebrity. But yet fits her image. Loosely enough to warrant curiosity.
And ywt as об starts with fire and doom and clothing and absence. Its is also cold and ice. Smallville playing the thing perfectly with the raining down of fire and clark finding himself in a frozen wasteland i. His fortress of solitude.
Does t seem like america is at war with russia at all. If this dialogue is deeply embedded in pop culture. And the war serves a different purpose. Entirely. If i could only put words to what i already know would be fantastic. In this fake mock reality. Where i dont have a say in life and never have and know nothing about being on my own, in my solitude surrounded by this bs. Stealing everything ive ever known from my first memory to now. Its the same story robbing me of everything. Always in a position of a minority serrounded by degenerate influences perverting my existance. 39 straight fucken years comprising everythign ive ever seen. Wake me out of this fucken hell. There no point doing anythign in life. Burn the world down. To cinders.
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Diamond! Saving the World!
6th April
Oh Boy. So turns out I was on an overconfident streak again and should really have done my research.
Obviously after visiting lake Acuity its time to go to veilstone and storm the HQ. I'm obviously excited to evolve honchkrow so go straight to do that! Yay dusk stone, Yay Honchkrow, Yay Nasty plot... Honchkrow doesn't know any special moves. So its all currently unviable. Ah well we'll get dark pulse at some point. So I continue on my merry way Burn through all of the galactic headquarters and meet Cyrus.
His first fight is an infernape slaughter. He either flamethrowers or mach punches the entire team. Rasing the false sense of security. Saturns fight is much the same just with my sexy new honchkrow wiping the floor with all of his.
With that I get the master ball and am feeling super confident time to climb Mt Coronet. Another easy advanture thanks to Max repels and perfectly knowing thr route from playing this game 6 times. All is going well until I get to the top.
Cyrus as usual summons his Super cool legendary who will create a new world for him... Silly idea but good for him. Mars and Jupiter stand in my way and I quickly realise my team is very underlevelled. I have not looked ahead at their teams just hoping for the best and while this part doesn't cost me the others do.
I'm starting infernape against their bronzor and Barry's USELESS Munchlax! I choose one side of the battle to beat first and it obviously has to be the Purugly side. A flamethrower takes care of Bronzor while I take a little damage from extrasensory.
I realise quickly my mistake. Purugly knows Aerial ace which I was not aware of and is actually faster than me due to me being underlevelled! Fortunately Infernape survives with 1/3 health left before decimating purugly with close combat! It then becomes the Bronzors turn and guess what it does to my weakened poor infernape... Extrasensory! I have never felt more stressed as a health bar went down or more relieved when it stops at 6hp! The relief is unreal! I waste no time in switching out into Gastrodon who can tank the rest of this fight. After spamming surfs to get rid of all opponants including Munchlax Jupiters Golbat comes out... Guess what it knows. Giga Drain! Fortunately Barry's much more useful Ponyta is out and it will o wisps as I quickly switch into Abomasnow who can tank it easily. An ice beam later and Golbat is gone. Last of all is skuntank who knows flamethrower. Someone really planned to mess this fight up against me. Knowing it is coming I switch back into gastrodon who easily tanks the flamethrower but is on reasonably low hp. I go for one final mudbomb to finish this and it works as Skuntank chooses to target and take out ponyta with poison jab (probably saw the ponyta kill). Mudbomb fortunately hits and takes out the Skuntank winning me the battle.
Now there is no break inbetween this fight and the next one. Yes I get a heal but I was underlevelled for the first fight let alone the second.
Cyrus is where it all goes wrong!
He leads with Honchkrow and I lead with Infernape locked in from the last battle. Expecting drill peck I switch into Gastrodon hoping to take the hit and remove it with Icebeam. Instead it goes for Dark pulse which does way more damage than expected. It isnt long before I actually have to switch into bibarel to finish it off with strength. Next in is Weavile. Predicting the brick break I switch into Infernape hoping it can tank one hit before it can Mach punch. The mach punch works and one shots Weavile with its poor defences. So far so good but 3 of my pokemon are in weak condition with Blissey ebing absolutely useless. Next is Gyarados and OMG what a monster. Not really knowing what to do I switch into Abomasnow expecing aqua tail. I'm wrong and it goes Giga impact! Doing a hefty chunk of damage. I try to get some damage off with wood hammer but it does loads less than predicted and now Abomasnow is close to death. I switch into Bibarel as a sacrifice at this point and it actually survives an aqua tail on 5hp! I'm astonished until the little tinkle of hail comes down to put my dear bibarel to rest! I'm Basically stuffed now all my pokemon are low bar Honchkrow so he goes in as I hope for a few sneaky fly's avoiding attacks. But no... it uses giga impact again my Brand new Honchkrow is also defeated! I manage to finish Gyarados off with a close combat from infernape. Unfortunately last up is crobat! At this point I realise how much I've messed this up. I switch into Blissey to tank an air slash. But Blissey has no damaging moves to crobat is can only take 2 physical attacking moves. I get off a sweetkiss hoping that luck will out before realising that I have to sacrifice another pokemon to get back to infernape who can finish this. So that's what I do. Abomasnow comes in and is removed by a nasty cross poison going down and allowing the opening for Infernape to come in one last time and finish the battle with a flamethrower.
With that Cyrus is defeated! I should not have underestimated this and should have grinded far more. Its still because I remember as a child a friend telling me to be level 47 when I get to spear pillar so it was ringing like a warning bell all the way through the battle. Still Whats a Nuzlocke without some lost pokemon.
With that I heal up one last time and take on dialga one of my favourite legendaries even now... and catch it in a master ball so as not to risk anymore loss. I did actually try a quick ball first for the lols and it got to the third shake and everything. To the point where I was so tempted to allow myself to use Dialga! But nah.
With that my romp on Spear pillar comes to an end I fly back to solaceon town to bury the remains of my fallen team members.
Badges won : 47
Pokemon used: 115
Pokemon Defeated: 27 (Three in one this episode!)
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