#THE BRAINROT UGHHH | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fatuismooches · 1 year ago

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FUCK DAMN IT i have another angst im so sorry but its okay i... made it possible for a happy ending dw!!!! im finally talking about fragile!reader again

it has been months since you've fallen back into a vegetative state. teetering at the edge of life and death. inside a massive glass capsule that glowed blue as you float inside, preserving you, keeping you away from death. a futile attempt but... it's a must. he cannot work on you like he did before after his decision to kill off all of his segments...

his laboratory never felt so empty. only him, the buzzing of the machinery that kept you alive, and alone in his thoughts.

dottore hasn't been doing well... he hasn't showed up in meetings, nor accepted any visitation from other harbingers. he couldn't be bothered by them at this moment, not when he has almost lost you and now you're slipping from his fingertips.

going through your old stuff for comfort, he stumbles upon a very ancient contraption, probably something he made before for you. it was... a recording device it seems, though it is so outdated he had to reverse engineer it, as well as make another device that could actually run the recording inside it of. he didn't mind at all, it kept him busy, it kept him distracted.

and as soon as he pressed play, he regretted it.

-------------

the screen was nothing but white and black fuzz, white noise emanating from the recording, before it slowly began gaining color, and subtle form.

"gods, why does he make things always so complicated- this thing is so poorly engineered, did he really make this as a gift for me?"

your voice, high-pitched and young. annoyed as the recording glitches, loud thumps coming from the screen. the recording miraculously got fixed, albeit a bit glitched.

"there you go!" you smile, pointing the device at your face. "so, zandik got this for my birthday. it was very sweet of him actually, to make me something so cool!" you hum happily, walking toward somewhere the recording wouldn't see, "gonna use this to record some shit that happens on our everyday lives, so i can look back and laugh at everything happened when i graduate."

and so the recording showed dottore as such.

from your bickering, walking to the akademiya, recordings of his younger self rambling about something, funny moments like a concoction he made exploded and covered him with pink dust, experiments dottore long forgotten, your smiles, your laughs, you simply talking about your day, or ranting about your frustrations, to you talking about how much you loved him...

then, the recordings grew shorter. less lively. slow.

like you had when your illness first started showing signs.

the recordings grew less energetic, but more calm and soothing. whispers of sweet nothings, loving confessions, soft giggles, coughing here and there, holding his hand and calling him so many sweet nicknames, the view outside your window, birds flying and flora dancing along the wind...

then the last recording plays, and it was you, holding an instrument, with an iv drip attached to your arm.

dottore remembers this. it was when you first passed out due to your illness while you were out on an exhibition and almost didn't make it back to the akademiya for medical attention.

"hi zandik," your voice, still soothing despite the rasp in it, "for a while... i wanted to make you something... it was supposed to be a device but... i could barely hold my tools without dropping them after a while..." a small sad laugh slips past your lips.

"so i'll just give you this. something i made in my spare time... considering i've been doing nothing but rest on my bed."

and it was a song. with you tapping to pens onto a metal surface, a slow and steady rhythm, just enough for you to be able to play it with ease. it started off with a sweet hum of a tune he recognized, a tune you've been singing ever since you were young, and then you sang.

he could tell that you were struggling, shoulders shaking and taking in sharp shallow breaths in between your singing. but you powered through, singing with a heavenly voice.

it was all about him. and how much you loved him, how much you adored him and wished to love him even more. to hold him in your arms and call him yours forever and more, to kiss him, to hug him. you listened everything you liked about him, how you felt before you confessed, how you felt when you were with him, how you wanted to be part of his lips.

forever and more.

then you ended with a cough, blood dripping down the corner of your lips, face contorted in pain.

"ah... that was the best i could do..." you say sadly, turning away from the recording device, too ashamed to look. "im not sure if you'll ever see this, but... i really did put my heart and soul..." you look back with a smile, eyes teary and glimmering. "i trust that you will cure me, no matter what. and i hope you know i appreciate it, for everything you do to me. i know that you love me more than you'll ever admit, and i hope you know that i'll love you, even in this wretched fragile state...

you're my world zandik, i love you so, so much.

and if... if i pass on... please, i beg of you.

take care of yourself, i wouldn't want to see my lover become so miserable.

if you ever need reassurance, play my song. i like to think it's everything how i feel for you in a nutshell.

see you, my love."

-------------

some fatui soldiers, especially the new recruits, think that a section of the palace was haunted. specifically dottore's.

they say they hear the singing of a voice, it echoed through the silent, empty halls, for days, never stopping, only looping.

it was soothing, at first. before it became haunting.

it never stopped.

it just kept singing.

singing and singing and singing, filling the silence in the cold, cold palace.

and as you sing, dottore would stare onto your sleeping body. inside a machine, floating, with death looming behind his back.

he will save you, no matter what.

perhaps then he could hear you sing the song you made all those years ago from your lips.

sorry :) promise no more angst next time ,, im glad u like my writing smooches i love yours too,, ty for indulging my insanity 😭😭

KAIIII OH GOSH IT JUST KEPT GETTING MORE AND MORE SAD, IM CRYING 😭 You know what... i give you permission to keep sending me angst... it's so good but in a heart-stomping-crushing way 😍 I WILL ALWAYS INDULGE YOUR SANITY 😤😤❤️

Dottore wishes he was smarter.

It's an odd thing for a man such as himself to wish, in fact, him "wishing" for anything was entirely strange, for he was certainly one of the most knowledgeable people in all of Teyvat. But looking at you, having regressed back into a coma, he doubts it. He has paid a price for everything he's learned, and none of it has bothered him, yet none of it has been helpful in this endeavor. He's tried everything in all of his great minds, yet nothing. Dottore wonders what would the ultimate price to pay for knowledge would be, but he quickly acknowledges that he wouldn't care if it meant finally saving you.

He remembers the day when you simply fell back asleep. Dottore had thought that you would stick beside him for a while longer at least. To skip around the lab looking around, to bother him to take breaks. But one day it simply stopped. Zandik felt empty. Wasn't centuries of loneliness enough? Just when he thought he could revel in your company again, it was over in the blink of an eye? And he was truly alone. No longer did the thoughts of his other segments buzz in his mind or the lab. Without them, there was far too much to be done. Only him, you, and work existed. But really, you were no longer here.

With them and you gone, he realizes how truly tedious it is to be a Harbinger. No longer could he send a segment to the meetings or extra work, and no longer did he have you for comfort. But he doesn't particularly care right now, he'll just pass most of it off to random agents. You are far more important, yet no matter how much time he pours into his research, he seems no step closer to healing you.

Zandik decides to enter your room. He'd already gone through his own items of yours multiple times. It was completely untouched, the bed made up without a wrinkle, shelves collecting dust. It was very you, having planned out the decoration yourself with the clones helping you. He doesn't realize how much stuff you have stuffed into room, though he recognizes most of it as you always liked to show him your things. Until he encounters something that he knows belongs to an era long forgotten. The recording device looked as if it had gone through war, he almost thought it was broken until he decided to look more into it and give it a try using his own technology. If this was something of yours, it deserved that kind of treatment, anyway.

Zandik doesn't know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. As soon as he sees your face and voice come into frame, his smile drops. Your smile and words, so happy. Albeit a bit annoyed and sassy, but he loved that. He had almost forgotten what your voice sounded when it was like that, for you struggled to speak in that tone now. You're wearing the Akademiya's uniform, your mouth grinning from end to end. He faintly recognizes the dorm as the background, neat and tidy as you liked to keep it. A part of him knows he needs to turn it off, to turn it off right now, or else. But he's transfixed.

He doesn't know how much time goes by, but he watches it. All of it. Some of it is complete silence of you literally just recording him (he has no clue how he didn't notice some of this stuff). Some of it is you simply making silly faces at the device while his younger self's voice yells out in the background at you. Some of it is him cussing out former professors and students as you try to hide your cackles. Some of it is you holding him as he slept in your arms. And some of it is just utter nonsense and idle chit-chat. But all of his senses are tuned into it.

But it was easy to recognize the change. It had started slowly. No longer were you bouncing around all excitedly. The backgrounds of the videos were no longer very unique. It was mostly in the dorm, the Akademiya, or the forest on good days, the only places where your body could take you during those times. Your voice had grown more quiet, you struggled to quip back and banter with him like you used to. It seemed like you focused more on tender moments with him than before. Yet in one instance you accidentally dropped the device with a huge crash and a string of curses flew out your mouth, then soft apologies to him followed.

Zandik's face is expressionless when the last recording plays, but he is unsettled by how vividly he remembers that particular day. He was... scared for you. It leaves a horrible taste on his tongue, both the incident and the feeling. As you speak, he feels both dread and interest as to what your words will be.

And you sing. Out of all things, you sing. Now that he thinks about it, he remembers you scribbling onto paper with pen quite frequently when you were bedridden, but he didn't think too much of it since he was already too preoccupied with how he was going to save you. So you were composing. About him of all things. And you were in pain, so much pain from merely singing. And yet you looked happy, you were on the verge of hacking your lungs out but there was still a soft smile on your face, as you professed your love for him unabashedly and proudly. And even at the end, when you're crying and panting from all the effort, you're smiling. Normally, he likes seeing you smile, but this kind of smile is not one of them. If it weren't for his gloves, he would have surely drawn blood by now from how hard he was balling his fists.

Yes, he did love you more than he'd ever admit. And that was why this was not the end.

The older Fatui tell stories of when the second Harbinger's clones used to occupy the palace and lab, running about and bickering with each other. Yet the new ones can only tell tales of an eerie voice echoing throughout the corridor. The voice wasn't professional. But it was soothing, nice, good. But hearing it over and over again was starting to cause the regular agents to freak out.

No one could ever find out what or who it was, or where exactly it came from. Many came to accept that it was a normal occurrence. Especially Dottore. At least with this tape, he could never forget what your sweet voice was like, no matter if a century or two or three or more passed by again. He had every last word memorized in his mind, but it wasn't enough. Of course it wasn't, when the real deal was lying asleep in front of him, but it was a sufficient and lovely replacement for now.

As every morning and night passes by, a single thought constantly makes its way into his mind - 'I will save you.' And then maybe, you'll be able to sing that song without coughing throughout. A perfect rendition. Though, he would like to see if you could release a newer edition of it, considering how much he has changed.

I AM EXPLODING BC OF U KAI 😭😔😨😨🫠🫠

#smooches talks #moots: kai <3 #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #ur angst is SOOOO good bro idc if im crying im eating it up 😭#ngl ive been brainrotting abt reader being able to play the lyre for some reason #UGHHH IM GONNA BE REREADING THIS SM 💥💥💥💥

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