#THATS scams THATS conning

[deoidesign]

hi, I remembered about the ask about the vampire abilities (time travel, walking in the sun, compulsion) and I need to ask, what are the werewolf abilities?

and Steve own abilities since he can become a giant werebat and being the most convincing conman

Hi there!

So, werewolves can shapeshift into canines of course. But they also heal faster than humans, are stronger than humans, and they have a generally better sense of smell and hearing!

I also like to think they can see in the dark pretty well, too.

Steve specifically has... Well, his stuff is kind of messy. Werewolves and their relation to the moon and its cycle combined with vampires relationship to time led him to being unable to control his time travel, and instead it's forced around the cycle of the moon. This sort of goes with everything. He doesn't need blood to do things, but the werebat is insatiably hungry. It's extremely powerful, but uncontrollable. He doesn't need permission to enter a residence, but he also is incapable of compelling people.

The sort of thematic representation of this is all about his general place in the story as someone who has absolutely no choice, and that frustration of your agency being taken from you.

Him being a 'convincing conman' is a survival tactic, to be honest. It can make the difference between eating and not. With his only real benefit from all this supernatural upheaval being heightened senses, he's just become really observational and is able to read a room and adapt to it immediately. It's about the only thing that's kept him alive, besides the werebat... so really, it's the only thing that's kept the werebat out.

Some of this is admittedly getting into spoiler territory, though, but I do intend to canonize some things! I'm happy to delve more into the specifics once it's happened :)

[badolmen]

Actually I’m still not over writing prompt s not only accusing Palestinian and Arab bloggers who have been here and doing activism for years of being a scam ring, but proceeding to double down and ignore any evidence to the contrary because they were ‘clearly’ scammers.

Y’know what a scammer does when they get called out or someone publicly voices suspicion? They cut and run. Scams are a cost benefit analysis and once you’re got, you’re GOT and you need to take your money and run. Diminishing returns hits hard after you’re accused of running a scam (and if you are, it’s a LOT of work to fabricate the necessary evidence). There’s no financial reason to insist innocence - the honey moon phase is over and it’s on to the next mark.

So when the people you accuse of being scammers don’t go quiet? Don’t take the money and scram? That’s a pretty dead give away that they’re not running a scam - no seasoned con artist (and you would have to be experienced to run a scam on the scale writing prompt s was writing conspiracy essays about) would stick around after that.

[eldritchborn]

“&– - Sell it to the crowd that has gathered 'round, steady as she goes.” // @rosawept liked for a lyrical starter

[smokeys-house]

had a meeting at work today and they told me to quit my job and I said boo fire me if you're so worked up about it

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

my god my mom loves getting scammed

[slormp]

My dad is an actual fucking con man and I laugh my ass off at people who pookify/self ship w con artists characters like sweety he would make you go bankrupt and flee the country be bffr.

[cantgetworsethanthistbh]

i think about this page way too much i have a god damn religion to it atp... i already pointed out how ford sobbed like a baby and stained this page with his tears (the wet spots are so distinct on the stan drawing and literally no other stain in the book looks like that aaaa) before but now im also thinking of how at no point does ford consider that stan would decline going to gravity falls for him or just straight up not show up

l looked through the og journal 3 for comparisons sake and the equivalent of this page are these ones

and still no mention of the very real possibility that stan would just reject going at all. theres no "he could say no", theres no "he might reject me," theres no "he could not answer me but..." at all. infact, in the page with the perpetual motion machine, he says "i must await his ARRIVAL" as if its already done, agreed and guaranteed stan would show up just because he said so.

that drives me crazy. theres just no doubt at all. hes very clearly under the impression that stan is living a good life scamming and conning people amd is doing fine on his own, yet he believes stan would just drop everything for him? is his faith in stans loyalty that strong? does he really believe so strongly in their bond he hasnt nurtured for practically a decade? does he just get off knowing he has power over stan like this or is it the fact he just can't fathom a world where stan would say no? i mean stan did come, so clearly hes right to think that. do you think ford would ever keep him on a leash? stan would let him atp hed let ford put a fucking brand of his name o his ass. thats basically what happened in canon. its canon ford owns stans whole ass and he knows it

[szaryherbatnik]

What is it about kremy that makes him your favorite?

This is very silly but i fell in platonic love with him during the moment where they were getting cotton candy. It was. SO FUNNY. To me. Its the first ouaw clip i saved on my phone. Before that i decided that if i have to have a favorite character its gonna be frost. But organically after a few episodes i fell for kremy and never got up lol.

Kremy is so amazingly morally grey and richie really REALLY knows how to get the most out of this. Kremy likes to SCHEME he likes to CON he likes FRAUD ooooh so so evil of him...but then he also loves unicorns and becomes a flustered mess upon seeing his best friend *cough* and husband. I love that kremy will do these 'evil' things but then in a higher octave, a panicked voice he will say "thats not true" when accused of using gideon. He will try to scam an old lady into giving her cursed gold, only to feel empathy for her 5 minutes later when she talks about losing her husband. He seems like hes too serious to participate in an opera his friend wrote and yet hes right there on stage in a dress, singing his heart out. Kremy is so so perfectly emotional its fucking beautiful. Perfect mix of every emotion.

Richie is so so amazing and smart, hes so good at revealing information abt kremy in perfect doses. Im SO interested in knowing more about kremys past goddd its so so interesting i need to know more about him but its all so BRILLIANT the way he talks about the baron, about remy, about agwe. The way hes also deeply depressed so like yeah ofc i like him.

And theres more of course theres more i love him wearing dresses. I love how he pays attention to the decorum of it all. I love that he loves cooking. I love how he loves gideon. I LOVE HIM USING MAKEUP I LOVE THAT HES AN ALIGATOR I LOVE THAT HE HUGGED PINCUSHION I LOVE HIM I WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND ❗️

[keepthemacramesecret]

also fwiw, even if there was anything actually funny in that list, for anyone who has never been involved behind the scenes at conventions: panels are not usually organised by the con staff, theyre done by attendees who submit applications for them, and guests. so youre not even making fun of the ppl who planned an event u think was a scam, ur making fun of regular people who GOT scammed.

literally all of those dashcon panels r completely normal convention fare yall r so annoying

[pepper-makes-art]

relavity falls stans, graunts, n friends

oK THEYRE HERE NOW AND NOT JUST FIDDLEFORD!!!

fiddleford can be found here!!!

i wish i could've done more sketches but im a bit busy atm </3 will def do some on the weekends though!!

on the au:

instead of taking place in 2014, it takes place in 2024 now! which doesnt rlly change much outside of appearances and slang lol.

bold is what their au name is

stanford (ford) <--> dipper

pretty self explanatory! i feel like stanford'd be an x-men fan, hence the x patch on his shoulder lol. also yes, dipper is a trans woman here. and she has glasses bc fuck dude i hate drawing regular eyes.. i thought the design looked a bit empty, so i decided to make that cool glove thing ford had dipper's robot hand thingy!

stanley (lee) <--> mabel (mason)

stanley now wears a hat. hoorah. nothing much to say here besides him also smuggling shanklin in (w/o the knife unfortunately). mabel's still impersonating her sibling (who, before the portal scene, doesn't know that she's a girl now) under the name of mason, but has ultimately shed her sibling's fashion tastes for her own. mabel wears a turtleneck UNDER the suit bc she doesnt feel heat apparently!

candy <--> wendy

candy's now a 15 yo asian kid who took up the cashier job under grauntie bc she needed more extracurriculars and the experience. totally cant relate to that haha. wendy's now a 12 yo mischievous lil lumberjack who's best friends w/ stanley (i thought it'd be interesting since theyre all now still associated w each other) and who has ALL the middle school tea (which is A LOT)

grenda <--> soos

as much as i want the ages to line up relatively (haha get it.), i think it'd be funny if mabel just hired a bunch of teenagers to run the shack (not sure what to call it). grenda's the 15 yo handy(wo)man who has the voice of an angel and the golden mentality of "smash with couch"! soos is now a friendly n equally naive 12 yo who's best friends w stanely (yada yada) and who somehow always solves problems

on dipper and mabel (will be using he/him for pre-transition dipp):

hoo boy. i see SO many ppl arguing abt their relationship, and i just gotta say, i can tell who has siblings and who doesn't! (joke. thats a joke. mostly) anyways, theyre good siblings!! up until high school, where after drifting apart somewhat, they have a big argument abt where theyre going in life - dipper wants to go to insert rlly good college name and become a scientist while mabel, well, she doesn't know where she wants to go. unbeknownst to them, while theyre fighting, their parents are also fighting. suddenly, their parents split, and mabel is forced to live with her mom and dipper with his dad, far apart from each other. dipper (wearily) accepts this while mabel silently resents dipper for his submission

dipper attends his dream school but is unhappy in his schooling years. afterwards, with his 12 phds or whatever the hell, he goes to a quaint town named relativity falls... mabel becomes an artist of sorts, taking commissions n such, but finds that this doesn't exactly lead to profit. she then becomes a sort of con(wo)man and psychic in attempts to capitalize the strange. she DEF doesn't get into as much srs trouble as stanley did back in his day, but she still lands herself in hot water from scamming and stealing across state lines...

im tired rn so lmk if yall wanna hear more lol.

[yandereheathen]

Loving Caretaker [18+ Yandere x GN Reader] Part #2

Welp, this won the poll it makes me SO happy people wanted more. Here is a bit longer with some darker-themed Korm is a cutie <3 i wanna get art of him now. Part 1

Warnings! DARK THEMES AND VIOLANCE -Yandere obsessive Behavior -Non-con - Drugging -Gaslighting - NSFW (unprotected sex is a no-no!) - reader gets stabbed non-lethally. - Word Count: 2.4K It wasn't meant to be this painful for you to know your place. Don't worry, he will care for you.

You sighed, putting your phone back into your pocket as you took a moment in the kitchen, putting Korm's favorite jam on the toast before you. You put the knife back into the red berry jam, sighing, and run your hands through your hair in frustration as the uneasy feeling of darkness you have felt hovering over you.

You just haven't been feeling right since you missed your trip. You couldn't believe you had been almost scammed by the person you had been talking to from the city for the last few weeks. They had stolen your card numbers and everything. You weren't even sure how it happened. They seem so genuine and excited to see you. You let out a bitter laugh, setting the toast on the wooden mini table. 

Tea and eggs are already in their place. You hosted it up, and the slight pain in your core returned with the effort. Pain ran from between your legs up your back, and you winced. Thats it. You would speak to his mother after today. It could be for a weekend or even a day to get checked out yourself. You were falling apart at the seams and even had weird dreams you couldn't recall, filled with creepy moans and wet noises. At least the new tea you enjoyed was helping you stay asleep. It was part of your new routine with Korm after everything happened, and you thought he liked having something to do, and it tasted lovely, like honey.

Throughout your ordeal, Korm had been very comforting, telling you that things like this happen often and that maybe online dating wasn't in the cards for you. 

But...

You paused while walking to his room, looking at your reflection in the hall mirror.

"That wasn't just all, was it." you thought to yourself.

You had been getting weird bruising on your neck and chest the last few days, coupled with your lower pain. It could be that you needed more iron to eat better, or your body just said you needed a break. You loved your job. You did; you got paid well, and Korm was such a sweetheart. It was like you got to take care of your best friend all day. Although. You started walking again, thinking to yourself. He did get clingy; sometimes, it was hard to take a day off when his health seemed like it would get worse on the days that you did, and his mother would franticly call you back to the house saying he wouldn't sit for the doctors or take care of himself without you there.

It was odd; sometimes, the thought of it can't always be by chance. He ALWAYS got worse with you gone, as the idea popped into your head. Your stomach turned slightly. You knew you were one of a long line of caregivers Krom had throughout his life; His mother had been open with that when you asked about the oddly high pay for your lack of experience. You didn't want to believe this bad feeling. Your life is perfect right now. You didn't want to sour it with negative things that were not true.

You slapped your cheeks lightly, opening Korm's door. You both had a lot to do today.

It was Bath Day today.

Korm hid his glee as you started the water in his giant tub. It has been made with a small seat for him and a lower siding to allow Y/N to wash him more easily.

You hummed a song to yourself as you added the salts and lovely-smelling oil to the water. You were bent over while the water was still low. Korm bit his lip as you did so, your thighs and backside on full display for him. He knows you did this to tease him. Your body was a tool for his care, after all. The happy memories of your lovemaking the night before played in his mind as his cock restarted at the towel across his lap.

He had your deep sleeping body propped up on your pillows, his face between your legs sucking and licking at your sex, his face messy with his saliva and your juices. He licked his lips as he stood up, positioning himself at your entrance, hands gripping your hips. Your wonderfully soft hips and back now have hidden love markings all along your spine. He glowed at his work. His wonderful caretaker's body was slowly covered in the proof of your love. 

He trusts himself in your warm hole, letting out a whine of need and bliss. It had been an adjustment. You had saved yourself for him; after all, he needed to train your body to take his cock properly, but he sure enjoyed carving his shape into you with every thrust. Your unconscious body reacted very nicely to him. You were letting out small huffs and pained moans with every rust inside you.

"Korm, are you ready? I will look away as you get in. The bubbles will cover everything."

Your call out to him as you waved your hand in front of him snapped him out of his happy memories. He lets out an almost inaudible groan that you take as a dislike of having to go in the bath.

"Don't worry, we will be fast. I have it nice and warm for you, and it smells wonderful."

You take him in your arms. He sneaks a smell in the cork of your neck, the earth warm...lustful. The scent was so much better than the sweet smell of the oils, but she nodded quietly, allowing you to place him in but unwilling to let you go. You laugh, rubbing your hand on his back softly.

"Come on now. I told you it is warm. I can add more water if you let me go."

Your rubbing was too much for him. Your hands feel so good on his back. The last few nights had satisfied him, but it was not enough now that he had a taste of your meal. Your soft reactions were not enough. He needed to look into your eye. Your awake eyes.

 He buries his face in your shoulder, giving a whimpering whine. Your joking demeanor shifts quicks as you look at him, worry on your face. So cute. he had you wrapped around his finger, didn't he?

He pulls on your sleeve, his dark eyes pleading at you. You feel your heart melt at his pained face.

"What do you need? You look like you're in pain."

He nods and pulls you closer. His grip is firm, much stronger than you were used to. You gasped out, feeling something hard and hot in your hand. It pulsed at your touch, and Korm gave a low moan, not letting go of you.

"It hurts here, Y/N. Can you please take care of it?"

You blink half in shock and horror at what is happening. This was Korm. Sweet, kind, loving, weak Korm who you thought of as a best friend or even like a child you took care of. You were painfully aware at this moment that he was very much an adult. Had he always been taller than you? Those sweaters sure did hide his more prominent than you had thought arms. He started to buck into your hand and whisper your name, his eyes glazed back in a half-lidded, lustful stare. You just stayed frozen until you could not half-process what was happening.

"God....fuck Y/n. Your hand feels so good around me. Your fingers are so soft. I couldn't help it. You were tempting me, please. Just let me use your pretty hands a bit longer."

He bites his lip, breath getting heavier; you feel his eye moving up and down your body, as he humps into your hand, the water splashing on you and the floor.

You come to your senses after a few moments, trying to move your hand away.

"N-no, Korm, this isn't right, I don't."

He growls painfully, yanking your head back with his other hand first full of your hair.

"I. Seid. Please."

Tears silently rolled down as he moved faster and didn't let go of your hair. His lip is way too close as he lets out a shutter, and you feel a new slimy stick to your hand in the water.

He only then lets go, placing an ever-so-light kiss on your lips.

"I feel much better now, Y/N. Thank you."

He sits back, smiling, no, grinning down at you, and you sit wet from the water, both of your hands pulled to your chest after you frantingly clean the main one on your pants.

You sit in your bed, head in your hands. You already texted his mother, telling her you needed to speak with her in the morning. You didn't know what had gotten into him, and he tried to apologize after realizing what he did wrong, but he was not right. This needed to be corrected. No amount of pay and swear words would stop you. You opened your door to get some things from the restroom and almost tripped over a glass cup. You frowned; you had told Korm you didn't want tea when you set him up for bed.

"I am sorry for this."

It was written on the little post next to the cup. You threw it away and ran along to get your things. Take the cup with you and take a long sip. You would need it to sleep well tonight. However, as you walked, your head started hurting.

"what the hell-"

Your vision blurred as you collaged to the floor, the glass shattering before you.

"Naughty, aren't you. Leaving me. You were made for me; you will stay. I will make sure."

Korm giggles as your pitiful form is in front of him. He leans over, licking along your collarbone and up your neck as his needy hands are on your backside, pushing and grinding into you. You yell with a shiver, wracking through your body, trying desperately to escape.

Korm, in his sick, warped mind, seemed to enjoy the reaction he got from you and nipped at your ear, whispering into it.

"Your reactions are so much better when you are awake, Y/N. So cute, so pure, even if I have fucked up your pretty insides with my love for you already."

He moves his mouth down, leaving more marks of his love on his lips. You would be littered with them soon. Your cries and being for him to stop, to go back to how things were. He twisted in his ears, and all he could hear was your sweet noise when his lips were on you. Enjoying what he had wanted, not what he had dreamt of for so long.

You tried to move, but your hands were chained up to a spike in a hall, and no matter how hard you pulled, you wouldn't get free.

"Strong, right? They use those to hold even strong, cute little pets."

He holds your face.

"My cute little darling."

"Why. Why are you doing this, Korm how. How are you even out of bed? W-what...WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THAT TEA?" You yelled in his face

He scrunches up his face, lighting your chin.

"Bad Pets get punished, don't they, Y/N?"

You felt a searing pain in your thigh. A knife. A knife you had used just that morning to spread his jam. You scream, but he hungrily cuts you off with a deep kiss, shoving his tongue into your mouth.

"You are so beautiful..so delicious. I can just eat you up, Y/N. " He groaned, sliding down from your mouth into your belly, rubbing himself through his sweat pants, the knife still twisting in your leg. Sliding onto his knees, 

"Tell me you love me, Y/N, and will never leave me?" Another kiss, closer to your sex, made you want to crawl out of your skin. You try your best to remain silent.

"Because you know that I love you?" The red fluid leaking down your leg was licked off with a soft moan of glee.

"God, yes! It hurts, please, Korm, it hurts so bad. Please, please stop."

"And you love me too? TELL ME YOU LOVE ME TOO"

You scream in pain as he forces the knife deeper into your leg.

"Yes! I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU KORM." 

You feel the pleasure build up as he thrusts into you without mercy, taking the knife out of your leg. His laugh and smile are filled with his love for you as he licks the blade's blood.

"So sweet. So i n t o x i c c a t i n g"

 He was in pure heaven, your cute face under him, seeing your wimpers and moan escape your mouth. He noticed the tears he pounded into your hand, groping your chest, trusting repeatedly. You felt the pressure and pain build.

"No, I'm gonna cum..I don't want to cum. Please, please stop!" You pathetically whimpered.

A wave of shame, guilt, pain, and pleasure followed your high. Tears poured from your eyes as you tried to desperately wiggle out of your binds, but he held you tighter, biting into your shoulder and drawing blood as he came to his own completion.

You let out soft cries of despair as he finishes inside of you. The feeling of his overflowing seed dripping out of you was too much for your mind. The betrayal, the pain, and you felt disgusted even thinking it, but the primal pleasure you felt broke you. You let your head limp to your chest, physically and emotionally done. You just whispered I love you, I love you repeatedly. He takes your face just like you would in his hands and massages it gently, pressing your lips together but now for a kiss.

"I love you so much, Y/N. Now you can take care of me forever! Are you happy? Tell me that you are happy."

He grabs you harder and harder, his nails digging into your tear-stained face.

"....yes...I am so happy..forever."

The darkness that had been closing in on you was here. He would never let his perfect caretaker go.

Ever.

[stiffyck]

im here to spread more Redscape propaganda Vampire Mumbo who is by no means immortal, but his life span is much longer then anything a humans ever seen thanks to magic. He spends his time disguised as a mortician, and part time funeral director because of his interest in death/the human life cycle as a whole. No ones aware hes a vampire of course, vampires had been socially outcast for typical vampire stuff, sucking the life out of others and whatnot. Something Mumbo has never been able to master, though he isn't opposed to drinking blood out of blood bags if he becomes desperate enough. Scar on the other hand is a con-artist and a scammer, popularly known, just not by his actual name. One day he walks into the funeral home with a huge backpack, and who happens to be working that day but Mumbo. He asks Mumbo if he would like to buy anything from his "one man shop" and attempts to do his usual scamming business. Its not like Vampires can read minds or anything, but he can tell Scars lying. Instead of trying to buy any of his clearly fake crystals he asks about his job, tries to make small talk and attempt to get friendly with the guy. Before he can even get close to figuring out Scars name hes gone far too soon, they were even having a half decent chat, but Mumbos co-worker shooed him out of the building. "You do know thats the scam artist i was talking about? You didnt buy anything from him did you?" "Of course not!! I'm not that stupid!" Scar comes back the next day to try again, and surprise surprise, Mumbos still there. Though not thrilled to see him, he asks what hes doing back here. Scar continues to advertise his products to the guy, offering crystals (dyed glass), handmade plushies and old amusement park merchandise. Of course he doesn't want any of it, but hes grown weirdly fascinated by the con-artist. He asks if he'd like to go out for coffee anytime, and to his own surprise Scar draws a blank. "Are you not going to buy anything from my lovely shop first? If you buy a crystal it could boost your friendship points!" are the words Mumbo hears, but doesn't exactlyyy *hear* if you get what i mean. Its not romantic attraction, its more of a "this guy is so odd. i need to put him under a magnifying glass and study him." type of attraction. I might write something for this but for now ill leave it here (i love redscape theyre the voices in my brain)

YESSSS I LOVE THAT.

with the way you started this off i thought Scar would be a zombie actually. i think a vampire and a zombie duo would be really fun.

ALSO. YES. AND I THINK THIS WEIRD "i need to study this guy" ATTRACTION GOES BOTH WAYS SKDJFHSKH

LOVE ALL OF THIS

[sazed-s-faith-crisis]

Okay guys I am spreading myself too thin. What fic should I work of (spoiler alert all of them are some degree of Marzed)

Okay below the poll are summaries and pros and cons

Name: ?

Summary: Basically yeah its Marsh and Sazed with kids. Sazed's literally TWO shards, he can make/spawn/create some kids that are biologically his and his husband's. (also adoption)

features:

a very cute tiny steelrunner who likes to abuse her powers

Kelsier being the irresponsible fun uncle

TenSoon giving rides to toddlers

Marsh and Sazed being sleep deprived

Sazed discovering the wonders of caffeine for the first time and slowly forming a dependency

2) Name: Gold Doesnt Heal All

Basically an au where Harmonium doesnt make Atium. Instead one last small piece of atium found extends Marsh's life until mid era 3. When Marsh dies Sazed loses his shit and becomes Discord. A mix of scenes involving not just Sazed losing his shit, but also Marsh and Mare being friends in the beyond

features:

Lawful evil discord!Sazed that I have legitimentally had a lesbian friend jerk off too???

help I dont know if thats good or bad

Kelsier getting bitch slapped

Great fic to just sob too

fluff in the beyond (meeting past dead characters!!)

(lerati)

3) Name: ?

As canon compliant as I could get fic about Marsh and Marasi going to this interplanetary coffee shop and its short 250-750 word chapters of Marsh and Marasi talking and Marsh dropping random parts about his past (Marasi is very concerned) Also End of chapter bloopers with Wax and Steris and Marasi

features:

Marsh adopting Marasi. Very cute

BISEXUAL MARASI!!!

A kandra named TaLeen who has chronic ADHD, swears a lot, has a crippling caffeine addiction, and is in general really sweet, but sucks at her job of being a barista

Marsh being Marasi's gay uncle (Marsh and Saze are married <3)

Marsh teaching Marasi how to scam people with cards

Did I mention TaLeen?

4) name: ?

smut

Yeah its just my 4 various ficlets of just Marsh and Sazed fucking because of trauma recovery therapy yk?

features:

smut

[oceangirl24]

Incorrect Quotes: AiP AU Edition

AU where Jon and Audrey are not the best role models. And Shawn is Shawn.

Jon: Audrey, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean? Audrey: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later Jon: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Shawn.

The squad is trying to con some random guy Jon: Um, Audrey, why are you pretending I'm this guy's family? Audrey: We need money! Jon: You're scamming him? Audrey: I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him. Jon: What?! No way! Audrey: Why not? We already stole Shawn! Shawn: Hey guys Jon: No, we didn't. Shawn can think and talk for himself, he can do whatever he wants! Shawn: I wanna steal

Jon: If Audrey and I were drowning, who would you save? Shawn: You two can’t swim? Audrey: It’s a hypothetical question, Shawn! who would you save? Shawn: my time and effort.

Jon: We need a distraction. Audrey: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises? Shawn, whispering: My time has come

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Turner please come to the front desk? Jon, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker points to Audrey and Shawn Store Worker: I believe they belong to you? Audrey and Shawn, simultaneously: We got lost :( Jon: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

Jon: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness. Audrey: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you. Shawn: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

Jon: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'? Audrey: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated- Shawn: Smad.

Jon: How's the sexiest person here? Audrey: I don't know, how are they? Jon, flustered: I- Shawn, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

Jon: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me. Audrey: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you? Jon: Yes! Shawn: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

[calebwittebane]

gaia update!

her next appointment is later today, still monitoring the new tumor before we decide on the next step... sure hope this time chemo ends up being enough, i really dont want her to have to go thru yet another surgery. its a risk every time for an older cat like her. plus its in a difficult spot this time, close to ligaments and stuff. also, and i know its a strange thing to say, in this case her loving me so much actually constitutes something a problem... she fully wakes up the second she hears my voice or smells my presence, when it wouldve been better for her to sleep off the nausea and grogginess for a little longer 😭 but at the same time i dont wanna wait longer to pick her up because i know she'd be very very upset to wake up while i wasn't there. babyyyy

right now shes feeling and looking okay though. she got some anti-inflammatory shots on monday to help with her teefies, cuz her gums had been hurting (probably its cuz her immune system aint doing so hot rn), and it really helped. she ate a LOT yesterday and seemed really content about it. full tummy gaia :) the problem with her and her teeth is that it's kind of a recurring issue, once again probably stemming from her immune system getting kinda overwhelmed, and it makes it hard for her to eat her kibble (even if the bikkies are small, and soaking them isn't an option because she will NOT touch soggy bikkies even if she's very hungry). while id love to just switch her to wet food full time, that makes her poops very soft (very bad news for her and her funny furry pantaloons) and i... dont have the budget for it... i wouldnt give her and amity anything with a vague ingredients list and without stellar reviews, and high quality wet food in the "full meals every day" quantity is just not something i can afford. so she gets a nice spoonful of her favorite wet food (or canned tuna! she loooooves tuna) after taking her meds and thats it. i love that since its a reward for swallowing her pills, and amity gets the wet food too, amity always stands close and bonks gaia beforehand, like she's encouraging her and saying good luck... amity has been very nice to gaia in general lately. i mean she's still a bit of a nuisance to her, just because their personalities clash a little, but shes been trying hard to be very gentle. i loooooove amity's new habit of kissing gaia's paws. it's so sweet and adorable... thats right amity, your big sister is very fancy and chic, with dainty pawsies that need to be kissed!

she's also been very playful, which is good. she's got energy! and a new favorite toy, once again its part of a larger toy amity customized for herself (ripped parts off of) and it's this soft fuzzy orb thing. she's also been a little whiny, but i'm pretty sure that's just her complaining about the heat, it's not uncommon for her in summertime. she feels better when the fan is pointing at her. oh and she hates the lawnmowers outside... i dont wake up from the noises i wake up from her yelling at the noises ajdhfbxkdj. shes so annoyed.

wish it were easier to get a pet groomer appointment in this doggone town. a lion cut would definitely help her cope with the temperatures. plus knowing how funny she looks when her fur is wet id love to see her BALD she would look soooo funny. all the places with good reviews are always fully booked though it seems. swear to god this is all such a scam, Back In My Day if your cat was in surgery you could ask the vet to go ahead and give them a lion cut while they were still under anesthesia lmao. my own clippers just don't work with her fur either, it's too fine and soft. the cons of being a fluffy cloud... a toasted meringue angel... a lovely tiramisu girl... a silly baby s'more... a caramel frappucino princess...

[areyouafraid]

I cant believe logan paul is still a thing like you have this celebrity who is just widely known as a con man and scam artist and thats just like a thing that exists that everyone is aware of. like "famous scammer" is such a fucked up category of celebrity. i guess he's still trying to make the wrestling thing happen too which i guess if youre going to get disgustingly rich off youtube money, crypto scams and selling moldy cheese to ipad kids you might as well follow your dreams...? idk i dont see it panning out tbh Also i always get him confused with jake but im actually not sure what jake is doing these days. dont really remember what jake ever did in the first place to become famous