#THAT WAS SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS HES LITERALLY 14.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

okay while i am of course bitter about the fact that i have to accept phantom planet existing for this. at least they retconned tucker being the mayor

[zepskies]

Down to the Crust

Pairing: Dean Winchester x F. Reader

Summary: You’ve set out on a very specific mission for Dean. The problem is, you now have ulterior motives for your (formerly) pure love of baking.

Request: Since reading your imagine, "Dean Gives You an Impossible Choice," I have not been able to shake it, one point specifically. I was wondering if I could request a fic where the reader is learning to bake pies for Dean. She's best friends with the boys, but she and Dean have undisclosed feelings for each other…

AN: You guys know I love baking shenanigans lol. This one is set at a particular time during season 14…

Song Inspo: “Joy” by Blackstreet

Word Count: 2.6K

Tags/Warnings: Flangst, hurt/comfort, hint of spice~

No, no, no, no, NO!

You did your best to scoop out the salt you’d just poured into the flour.

You can’t really be this dumb, you berated yourself. How could you confuse one white powdery thing for another? Salt vs. sugar—it wasn’t that hard!

You shook your head in simmering frustration. You decided to just dump the whole contents of the bowl, salty flour and all, into the garbage. You’d have to start again…for the third time now. 

Frankly, this was getting ridiculous. You could make cookies, brownies, even cupcakes (with homemade buttercream).

How hard could a pie really be?

Maybe it was the telltale tremble of nerves in your hands.

Maybe it was because you had an ulterior motive for doing this, besides your formerly pure love of baking.

Maybe because this promised dessert was for one pie-loving glutton who was set to come upstairs from the garage any minute. Or at least, whenever Dean’s stomach finally called him back to the kitchen.

Though recently, he hadn’t been all that hungry. He’d denied your friendly offer of a snack earlier (since when did he turn down taquitos?), and he’d barely touched the pizza you guys had for dinner yesterday. (One slice? The man could eat half a pizza in one sitting. To your knowledge, there wasn’t a pie he didn’t like.)

Dean hid it well, but he wasn’t on his game. You knew why, of course, but…

You sighed and measured out the last of your flour for a fresh try. If you messed this one up, you’d literally have to wash your hands of this mission. And yes, it had become mission fucking impossible, as far as you were concerned.

Once the flour was safely mixed with a cup of sugar, you cut up some chilled butter to create the pastry dough. You followed the instructions in the recipe even more carefully this time, from your open laptop on the kitchen counter. The keyboard was dusted with flour at this point, along with your hands and arms. You even felt it under your nails and in your hair, but you didn’t care.

You were going to make this damn pie if it killed you.

You’d even bought real cherries, not the canned filling. It meant more work for you in removing all the pits inside them, but this was worth the extra labor.

However, as it just occurred to you, you’d left them simmering with some sugar, lemon juice, and cornstarch in a pan, around the time of your second attempt at pastry dough.

“No!” you gasped, hastening to open the lid and checking the saucepan.

Oh, thank God, you thought, seeing that the cherry filling wasn’t bubbling over. It actually looked like the proper thickened consistency and smelled delicious. You just needed to do some more stirring.

An hour or so later, you had successfully shaped the dough, chilled and poured in the filling, and covered it with the (embarrassingly uneven) lattice work on top.

“Whatever. The man still believes in the Five-Second Rule. He’ll eat this,” you muttered as you slid the pie in. You even remembered to do an egg wash on top. You admired it for a moment in its raw pastry form, then closed the lid to the oven with a nod of satisfaction.

You wore a wide smile, feeling accomplished, until you turned around and saw the disaster you’d made of the kitchen. Flour was dusted across the counters, a pile of dishes in the sink, cherry remnants in the pan and dripping across the stove, and so much more. You winced at the sight.

“What the hell is this?” came a gruff voice.

Your gaze drew to the doorway with a sharp intake of breath. Dean was standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a bewildered expression on his face.

The man had a thing about people in “his kitchen.” You got ready to placate him with your hands raised as you took a step towards him, but then you gasped.

“Shit!” you yelped, slipping in some egg that had dropped on the floor. Your hand accidentally banged the oven on the way down, but your head also hit the corner of the wall.   

You ended up sprawled on your side across the dirty floor, dazed and winded. Dean hurried to your side with one of those frowns that always made you want to smooth the wrinkle between his brows.

He braced your shoulder, almost but not quite touching your hip with his free hand.

“Damn. You okay? This ain’t a slip n’ slide,” he said.

Your lips twitched at a smile, but you sighed. “I’m okay.”

“You hit your head?” he asked, beginning to help you up slowly.

“A little,” you admitted. “Nothing the old bag of frozen carrots in the freezer won’t cure.”

Dean grimaced, but after he made sure you were settled on your feet, he checked the back of your head. You tried not to blush (and revel) at the feeling of his fingers slipping into your hair, even if he was trying to feel for a knot back there.

He was close enough that you could almost feel his body heat through the black shirt he wore, for once without the outer layer of plaid. He smelled like grease and sweat; likely he’d been working on Baby.

Were you weird for kind of liking that smell?

“Well, I don’t feel any goose eggs, so you’re probably fine,” he remarked.

“Thanks, House. Is that your final prognosis?” you asked, beginning to smirk.

Dean’s gaze met yours in amusement.

“Tell you what,” he said, “If you get a headache, I give you full permission to take one of the fun little pills I’ve got in my dresser.”

You laughed. “If it’s not Vicodin, I don’t want it.”

House M.D. was one of those shows you and Dean liked to watch together, along with Game of Thrones, and even Smallville, on occasion.

Dean smiled slightly. But even that was a small feat, and something you hadn’t seen from him in weeks. Not a real smile, anyway. Before today, nothing you’d tried had been working to brighten his mood.

Not pizza Fridays. Not letting him listen to the same damn Zeppelin album without complaint for that eight-hour ride on the last hunt. Not trying to gouge his level of broodiness and offering to hang out, to be a listening ear if he needed it.

He still hadn’t taken you up on the last one. While that hurt, you also understood it. You understood how Dean dealt with things he didn’t want to think about, let alone talk about, even to his own brother.  

Dean now looked down on you knowingly, gesturing at the rest of the kitchen.

“You gonna tell me what you’re doing in here?” he asked.

You crossed your arms and raised your chin, a smile playing on your lips.

“What, can’t handle somebody else in your kitchen? What’re you, Gordon Ramsey?” you teased.

Dean’s brows kicked up, his lips twitching.

“You’ve made a mess of my kitchen any number of times, but I ain’t ever smelled sweet, sweet cherry coming out of that oven,” he said. “You’re finally making me pie?”

You had to laugh. Inside, you were pleased that he now looked excited, his green eyes dancing. You clapped your hands over his arms.

“Yes, I’m making you your damn pie. Only took me fifteen tries, but it’s happening,” you said. You turned to check on it, but the second you opened the oven, black smoke billowed out.

Your eyes widened in horror and your mouth fell open on reflex, but harsh coughs tore from your throat as you waved your hand against the smoke. Dean quickly handed you the oven mitts, and you shoved them on before taking out the steaming dessert.

The entire top crust was scorched black. Cherry filling oozed out, and not in a good way. You slammed the oven shut with your hip, and you had to toss the pan onto the counter for how hot it was.

Inside that pan was a dreadful excuse for a pie.

Dean had an arm crossed under his elbow, while a hand came up to cover his mouth as he took in the state of it. He then looked over at you.

He saw the shock, settling into pursed lips and tight shoulders. You turned in slow movements.

You saw that the oven had been switched to “Broil” on the highest setting. You’d probably messed that up when you fell and hit the dial with your hand. But Christ, was that a powerful oven.

Those old white guys really didn't mess around when they built this damn bunker, you thought sourly.

Dean took another look at the steaming pie and grimaced, despite his amusement.

“Well, she won’t be entering any beauty pageants, that’s for sure,” he teased.

His playful smirk fell, however, the moment you turned around. He saw the way you were biting your lip, and the tears brimming in your eyes.

He softened, and he went to you.

“Aww, sweetheart. It’s okay,” he chuckled, and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. “‘S probably better than I could do.”

You rested your head against his chest and sniffled. You blinked to try to stem off your tears. 

“It’s not about the damn pie! I mean, not really. It’s just…” you trailed.

You quieted, realizing you were about to say things you’d rather not.

Dean noticed though. Because of course he did.

“Then what’s it about?” he asked.

You avoided his gaze at first, though he was too perceptive not to notice. He jostled you a little against his side.

“Huh? You wanna answer me?” he asked. His lips curved at the way you were fighting a smile yourself. Your tears won out though.

You turned under his arm and leaned up on your toes, so you could hug him. Your arms twined around his neck and you held him tight.

To say it surprised Dean would be an understatement, his eyes widening a fraction. He still held you back, almost on reflex.

“I couldn’t do anything else,” you said, through tears. “Not for you, or Sam…or for Mary.”

Dean’s confusion descended into grim understanding. A weight fell deep in his gut, clenching painfully the way it always did, when he thought about his mom.

The fact that Jack didn’t have his soul didn’t make a difference, no matter what Sam said. Not in Dean’s mind, anyway.

Jack had killed their mom.

She was gone, had been taken from them. And that second loss had torn a new chasm in Dean’s heart, deeper than the last one. He held you a bit tighter without realizing it.

“I’m sorry,” you said, rubbing his back. “I know you don’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to…to do something for you.”

Slowly, Dean pulled away a little. His hands moved to your waist as he looked down on you with a heaviness in his eyes. For a moment, he just took in the contours of your face, your eyes shining with tears that clung to your lashes. You were looking up at him like all you wanted to do was fix it. And fix him.

Well, you had to know that was a lost fucking cause. But it just didn’t stop you from staying here with him and Sam, living with them, hunting with them, being one of the last friends they had, after all these years.

It didn’t stop Dean from loving you for it, either.

He let out a breath, and he couldn’t help but raise a hand to get some of the flour off your cheek. He smoothed the back of his hand against your skin, along your jaw, and finally brushed his thumb across your lower lip, where you had worried it with your teeth.

“You’re too damn much, you know that?” he murmured.

You were blushing hot at his touch, but you frowned at his words. Until you noticed the fond glint in his eyes…and for the first time, something more. Something he was finally allowing you to see.

When he bent down and claimed your lips, your thoughts stuttered to a halt. You gripped the front of his shirt instinctively. He framed your face with his hands; they were calloused and smelled like motor oil, but you didn’t give a shit. Not one iota. Because it meant something, and your heart swelled with a warmer, brighter feeling.

You gripped his shirt tighter and leaned up to meet his second kiss. His hand moved to your lower back, pulling you flush against him. You grabbed onto his shoulders and let him invade your mouth with his warm tongue slipping against yours. You moaned, the sound echoing between you both and shooting right to his dick.

His brows furrowing, Dean’s fingers slipped into your hair again, but this time, to tangle in the strands. He walked you back until your ass hit the counter, where he grabbed hold of your thighs and hefted you on top of it, regardless of whatever stains covered its surface.

He moved in between your jean-clad thighs and encouraged you wordlessly to wrap them around his hips. You didn’t need much encouragement.

“Dean,” you whispered, between heated kisses, hands wandering down your body, exploring soft curves and warmth over clothing.

“Hmm?” he said, into your mouth. It was distracting, but you found the strength to slow things down, gently taking his face into your hands.

You both caught your breath for a moment. It allowed Dean to see the thread of uncertainty in your gaze, even though you caressed his stubble-covered cheeks.

“I just…do you…is this…” you tried, but your brain seemed to be on a short fuse. You blamed his sinful lips entirely.

Said lips drew into a smirk. Dean’s hands moved up your thighs and held your waist less gripping, more comforting (and claiming).

“I really do, and damn straight it is,” he said, slightly teasing. He did lean back in to press a gentler kiss to your lips.

“Trust me,” he said, as he became more serious. “If you want more from this…”

At that, your uncertainty melted into warmth. You released his face, holding onto his shoulders instead.

“Yeah, Dean,” you nodded. “More than anything, yes.”

He read your sincerity, and it warmed him too. Again, he gave into the urge to brush his thumb against your blushing cheek.

“I uh…I had a feeling it was always gonna be you,” he said.

You raised a brow at that, even though your smile threatened to unravel him further.

“Oh, yeah? How long?” you asked.

Dean pretended to think.

“Since that first batch of oatmeal cream pies,” he said, with a cheeky grin. “Pretty sure I was marked from there on out.”

And not just because he’d been imagining what you’d be like to taste, ever since.

You giggled, though you gestured with your eyes at the charred pan next to you on the counter.

“Guess I should try again on that pie. Wonder what that’ll get me,” you hedged, letting your thumb graze his neck. Dean smirked.

“All right, sure. Remind me to pick up a new fire extinguisher,” he said.

You guffawed and hit his shoulder, but he just laughed and pulled you in for another kiss.

It was sweet enough on its own.

AN: I know, I know. I'm a sap. 😂 Let me know what you thought of this pie-filled episode! 🥧 💕

Ko-Fi Me ☕

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[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 32 “A Worthy Opponent” [Episode List] Dave is back at the warehouse and filming another short “fart porn” clip for Greg. As he keeps blasting Tom, his co-worker and fart sniffer, a masked man steps into the set…

Greatly influenced by this suggestion.

Reminder: Tom was introduced in Episode 14.

POV: Dave

Alright, just like I did last time, it’s all good.

Getting paid to fart in someone’s face? Easiest money I’ll ever make in my life.

My friend Greg, the wannabe movie director, wanted me for another fart porn film.

Yes, that’s an actual thing, this is my life now… a small part of it at least.

You know me, I’m a chill dude, though before accepting such task some months ago I wanted to make sure there were some lines that we shouldn’t cross. To be honest, however, the more I worked with Greg, the more I got used to all of this gross kinky stuff.

I mean, that sounds hypocrite, I’m aware: I’m an incredibly skilled straight farter who continuously face-farts his friend and roommate, fully knowing the he has a fart fetish, and even before that I’ve always been a proud farter, and rightfully so.

Also, I spend too much time on the Internet, so I’m well-versed in gross stuff.

With Tim, however, it’s different.

Here there are cameras, people telling me how I need to fart (seriously!), people I barely know but, truth to be told, who gives a shit? It’s just business, a business that revolves about farting, so you could say that my ass shits gold, almost literally.

Plus, I already got a Tim in my fart-victim collection: a Tom always sounded like the next logical step, the next Infinity Sniffer. You can starting calling me Thanus at this point.

So here I am, back at the warehouse, in this fake living room, wearing a pair of shabby grey sweatpants, cautiously sitting on Tom’s face. 

Tom, my co-worker and professional fart sniffer.

He was lying on this couch in the middle of the set, face up, his nose perfectly aligned with my asscheeks already.

He didn’t say a word or move a muscle: this guy is a pro for real. I still don’t know if he actually has a fart kink or not. What I do know is that I did blast him even when we weren’t working once. 

What can I say? My farts are too good to be wasted!

As of now, I sat on him and adjusted my position, spreading my legs wide, to ease the next fart out and, according to the script, “to showoff my manly bulge”. Thanks, I guess?

I lean just a bit and I effortlessly rip the first fart of the session, a natural blast I’ve been brewing for a couple of minutes. The warm gas passed through the fabric of my sweatpants and soon Tom’s face was imbued with my poisonous flatulence.

“Fuck yeah.” I said, as the loud blast kept going. “Don’t choke on that you fag.”

Hey, I didn’t write the script!

I could feel and hear Tom taking deep whiffs of that fart. I wiggled my ass in response, an improv which he seemed to enjoy, both professionally and… kinkly?

This blast lasted around 6 seconds. A good one don’t get me wrong… but you know what I’m truly capable of…

I noticed Greg from behind the camera giving me a thumbs up, mouthing my next line.

“Alright you filthy slave, you better open up.”

Tom obeyed. I leaned once again and spread my legs even wider, my anus aligning with my co-worker’s mouth.

Another home-run, another loud fart, I didn’t even need to push that much. I’m ridiculously good at this, I swear. It feels stupid to brag about farting skills but trust me, as soon as I finish ripping one of my huge farts, my body is already brewing the next one. I got a quick reload.

Tom’s face was shaking and this time, for real, he almost choked on my gas, as I felt him move. And when even Tom, who’s usually stone-cold while working, flinches, I know I did a good job.

I saw Greg talking to his assistant: he seemed angry. In that moment, behind me, the fake door of the fake living room opened without warning. Was this an unscripted moment?

I stopped farting and turned around, kind of forgetting that I was sitting on Tom’s face.

Someone stepped into the set, another man, around my age, tall and skinny. I couldn’t see his face as he was wearing some kind of black ski mask. His clothes were as casual as mine (a red t-shirt and a pair of blue skinny jeans).

He didn’t look friendly, yet the moment he saw me, he kind of froze on the spot for a few moments.

Is Greg making a farter-slasher movie all of the sudden? Not that I’d complain! Sounds camp-y enough to me.

I gave an inquisitive look to my director-friend, who promptly stopped filming.

“C-cut!” he yelled. “Alright, we got our first farts.” he said, as he walked towards me. “N-now, make room for the other farter of this session.” 

I gave him a puzzled look. “Other farter?”

“Duh!” Greg replied, as he pulled me out of the set, impatiently. “You thought you were the only person capable of ripping ass?”

Honestly, kind of?

I mean, I don’t think about farts 24/7, but I do know that I’m pretty good at it. Ask Tim.

“Are you replacing me?” I bluntly asked.

Not gonna have a fight over… farting, that’s for sure. And I’m not even mad, I was just taking those extra bucks for granted.

“Don’t be jealous.” he replied, as he let me sit next to him, next to the director himself, as if I was one of the crew.

I watched as this masked guy stepped on the couch and squatted over Tom’s head, just as the poor guy was getting used to fresh air again. I guess this is his lucky day, assuming that he does have the kink.

“Action!” I almost went deaf when Greg screamed that.

The masked guy was basically another master and he acted accordingly.

“Here you go, fag. Got something for you to taste…” 

The fart that followed was very loud and echoed in the whole warehouse. On one hand, when I’m not the one torturing a poor soul with farts, yeah, it’s pretty gross. On the other, as a man, I gotta tip my imaginary hat to a fellow talented farter. The blast was nowhere as long as mine, but holy shit.

This other “master” was way more dominant than I was, way more natural I’d say.

“If you wanted a master, you could just ask…” I whispered into Greg's ear, sounding way more flirty than I intended to be, which almost made me laugh.

“You can’t be a master like him.” he firmly replied. “You’re too nice.”

Should I be offended? I really don’t know anything anymore at this point.

“Fire in the hole!” the masked master yelled, just as he ripped another loud fart down Tom’s throat.

I admit this guy’s voice sounded quite familiar, despite his best effort at trying to sound much deeper.

“Do we know this guy?” I asked Greg. The question almost startled him.

“Uhm. No idea.”

Ok, liar ahead. Clearly we know this guy then.

I will get to the bottom of this… after I put this masked guy to his place.

POV: Tom

Fuck. 

Dave’s farts were already impressive, but this masked guy’s blasts are really hard to endure, really pushing the limits of my kink. Those farts sound utterly gross, almost wet, and they smell horribly. I like working with Dave because, among other things, his roaring ass is loud but when it comes to stench, I can easily inhale those.

This guy… I have no idea who he is, Greg refused to introduce us for some reason, but I decided to trust him: I think I made a mistake. The rough surface of his skinny jeans is almost scraping my face.

Another fart erupted right into my nostrils, renewing the already terrible stench. It smells like… spoiled milk? I don’t know, it’s nauseating, I feel like I’m drowning in a sewer. I’m always very calm and composed when I’m… working, but I wasn’t ready for this I admit it.

“You’re such a bitch, I knew you couldn’t handle it.” the man said, ripping another loud, short rip.

If this guy doesn’t get up soon, I’m probably gonna choke in my own puke.

“Alright, that’s enough, get the fuck out of here.”

I heard Dave say, walking towards us, and I was relieved.

The masked man got up, my eyes adjusting to the spotlight shining over the set. I took a deep breathe of (relatively) fresh air, but anything was better than that. 

I managed to recognize Dave’s silhouette, towering over me.

“That was cute. Now let me show how a pro does it.”

Great. I’m basically the city you see in the background of kaijū movies while the monsters fight each other. You know the city, right? The city that usually gets completely leveled by the huge creatures?

I guess that’s my role for today.

Let’s get it over with.

As I said, Dave’s farts are huge but I’d take anything over that other guy’s gas.

I quickly took more deep breaths… before letting Dave sit on me again.

POV: Dave

“That was cute. Now let me show how a pro does it.”

I don’t know who this guy is, but if he really wants to do this, a fuckin’ fart challenge, then he’s gonna get blown away.

Well, not him, rather, my good pal right here on the couch.

“Alright…” I whispered to Tom. “Get ready bro. I’m gonna rip some huge ones and act like an asshole for a bit.”

I earned a puzzled look from him. “An asshole?” he paused for a moment. “But… you’re too nice.”

Oh great, now the sub tells me how lovey-dovey I am, perfect!

I stepped on the couch, not caring how my feet was crushing Tom’s chest, and squatted over his face, my fabric-clad anus tickling the tip of his nose. As I said, I’m always brewing a big one, and having a quick cheeseburger before coming here surely helped.

Once again, effortlessly, my ass started roaring, loud and unstoppable. As I kept pushing this one out, I maintained eye-contact with the mysterious masked challenger, who could only watch haplessly as I showed him what real talent looks like.

“Open wide, fag. This is far from over.”

Tom took it like a champ, inhaling deeply for the camera -I don’t even know if we started filming again. 

All I know is that my farting skills are a sight to behold… and to sniff, in Tom and Tim’s case at least.

Ahah… I’ll never understand this gross kink, but I gotta admit, if I had this fetish, and my best bro and roommate was, well, me, I’d probably be as thirsty as Tim is. So yeah, in a disgusting way… I get it.

And just like that, 12 seconds passed. Long, but not as long as my best ones, I can do even better than this… but I play fair so, after brushing my sweaty sweatpants ass on Tom’s face, I stood up and crossed my arms, eyes glued on my rival. 

“Your move, beanpole.” 

It’s ridiculous how seriously I’m taking all of this, but I can get quite competitive.

The masked master laughed and… lied on the floor. He held one leg up… that’s a position I’m quite familiar with. Surprisingly enough, he started sucking air in, right through his jeans. That’s a great talent I gotta say, I thought I was the only one who could fart on command so easily. 

A worthy opponent, at long last!

After a few seconds, the man stood up, proud and tall and, just like I did earlier, treated Tom as if he was part of the couch, and sat on his face. His eyes glued on me, I could tell there was a smug mile making fun of me under that ski mask.

The fart that followed was quite impressive and loud, but still not as massive as the ones I’m able to produce. This guy was good, no doubts about it. I’m pretty sure Tim would fall in love with him (the thought of that made me visibly laugh, putting a dent in the menacing aura I was trying to convey).

You know what, fuck this. It’s not worth it. 

But since I’m already here, and I’m able to rip huge farts both naturally and on command, I guess I could simply… well… join the fun, you might say.

I’m sure Tom will understand.

POV: Tom

The masked guy’s fart, despite being on command, was as foul as the one before. Dave’s blasts weren’t a cakewalk by any means, and they’re still much louder, deeper and stronger overall, but whatever this guy ate was doing numbers in his stomach. He was wearing a pair of skinny jeans but he could very well be naked for how much my nostrils were burning. 

The stench of Dave’s previous farts mixed with the rotten eggs-flavored gas this guy’s anus was blowing in my face and, truly, I started to think that this was a big test that Greg set up just for me, for some insane reason. If I survive this, I’m gonna kick his ass.

After around 9 seconds, the flatulence’s loudness faded out, essentially turning into a classic silent-but-deadly.

The man raised his ass just a bit, to make sure I could breath a bit of fresh air before the next one.

I turned my head and I could see Dave approaching the couch again.

Okay, it’s the other kaijū’s turn I assume.

Funnily enough, this is actually good ne-

...

Wait.

Why isn’t the other guy stepping aside?

“If it’s a show you want, Greg, a show you’ll get.” Dave boasted.

The farter above me finally moved, but just a bit, his ass still covering half of my face, hovering over my mouth.

The reason he moved, however, wasn’t altruistic by any means: instead, he had to make room for Dave’s ass, which ended up being planted directly onto my eyes instead.

Just... just fuckin’ do it you gassy bastards.

“Hey fag, it’s your lucky day.” the masked guy said.

“Good thing you have two nostrils: one of each anus.” Dave said.

Whether they were improvising or not wasn’t important, because their asses certainly weren’t.

Dave’s ass started speaking first, erupting his deep warm gas into my eyes. Mere seconds later, the other ass started talking as well, its fart being more high pitched. The sounds mixed together like a symphony and after a few moments I couldn’t tell which anus was being louder, ‘cause they both were. 

I became part of the couch as those two asses kept crushing me, farting loudly. My face couldn’t endure that barrage of farts any longer, as the farters kept cycling between either loud series of farts, or single long ones. The stench... I felt like they were taking a shit on me, I could taste that thick gas and even guess what they ate for lunch.

It was getting hot, too hot, and I started breathing more heavily, which only meant I got to ingest more of that poisonous gas. 

And yet, my massive boner betrayed my disgust.

While my eardrums were getting crushed by those farts, I could still manage to recognize Dave’s fart being the loudest: the man found a worthy opponent, sure, but he still owns the crown, no doubts about it.

“And for the big finale…” I heard the King say.

Dave lowered his sweatpants, exposing his sweaty bare ass (the masked farter kept his jeans on instead), and ripped a short, yet very loud toot, drops of sweat being blown onto my face and teary eyes (for the smell).

The two remained there for a few seconds, finally in silence from both ends, letting me inhale those last particles of gas, even though I’m pretty sure my skin merged with their farts on sub-atomic level, then they finally got up and shared a high-five.

Much to my surprise, the two men then turned back to me and helped me sit down, and they both high-fived me as well.

I guess a fart master is nothing without someone willing to sniff it all.

I appreciate the respect.

The mutual respect.

POV: Dave

After taking a much-needed shower and putting my civilian clothes back on (my usual dark brown hoodie and a pair of loose jeans), I cleared things up with Greg. 

He admitted he messed up things up with the schedule, and that indeed there was another “master” audition today, but he really enjoyed our improv and filmed everything, and thus the editors are pretty satisfied with what we managed to film today.

He also told me that, indeed, the mysterious farter is “a common friend” who didn’t want to be recognized.

No hard feelings with Tom either, obviously.

Now, time to tie up one last loose end.

I went outside, on the back of the warehouse, where I knew I could find my masked rival. He was checking his phone sitting on a shabby couch, an old prop that the crew moved here after they bought a new one for the set.

Basically, glorified comfy garbage.

“Hey, fire-in-the-hole-guy! I knew I’d find you here… that’s there they put the trash after all.” I said, with a smug smile.

The man shook his head and laughed. “Greg told you?” he asked.

I walked towards the couch and sat next to him, wrapping my right arm around his shoulder.

“You thought I woudn’t recognize your beautiful eyes, Adam?” I joked, acting all flirty (and hopefully annoying).

He  punched my shoulder and took his mask off.

Indeed, it was Adam all along.

He laughed a bit more.

“I didn’t know you were working with Greg.” he said. “Finally, you can make money from the one thing you're good at!"

“Very good at.” I corrected him.

I was going to fart to prove my point, but Adam seemed worried about something.

“I kind of needed those extra bucks you know...”

“Why is everything gravitating towards farts lately…” I thought out loud.

“What was that?” he asked.

“Nothing, forget about it.” I quickly said. “Extra bucks you said?”

“Yeah, as gross as it sounds, I thought I could make some quick money out of… whatever Greg’s doing here.”

“Hey, not judging bro!” I reassured him. “I mean, I’ve been doing this for a couple of months.”

“Does Dana know?” he asked.

“Nah, I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Tim, he’d probably be jeal-“ 

I bit my tongue just in time, even though I didn’t really think he’d get jealous. I was just trying to make a joke I swear!

“Jealous?” my friend inquired. “Jealous of what?”

“…Uhh… jealous of my success, obviously!”

Adam didn’t seem too interested in the conversation anyway, luckily enough, so he didn’t find anything suspicious about my not-so-harmless joke about my roommate.

“That’s envy, not jealousy, you idiot.” he observed.

Never mind.

A few dozens of seconds of silence followed. Adam wasn’t exactly a talkative guy, and he does have a job and all, but if he needs extra bucks, maybe I could help.

“I’m sure we can arrange something with Greg.” I stated.

“Mh?” 

“Yeah, you can fart on Tom on Tuesdays, while I can do it on Wednesdays.”

We stared at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter.

“I can’t believe we’re talking about this.” Adam admitted.

“Yeah.” I patted his shoulder. “From great farts, come great responsibility.”

We remained there, on that smelly (not because of us) couch, for a few more minutes, as if all that fart-talk was the most mundane thing in the world.

“Doing something tonight?” Adam asked.

“Dana and Tim are out of town, so probably nothing. You?”

“There’s a good pub a few blocks from here. Care for a beer?”

“Always.” I simply said, as we both stood up, and started marching towards our new destination.

“Easy bro.” Adam said. “I’m not gonna drag your drunk ass back home.”

“I can handle way more beer than you, pal!” I said.

“Yeah, in your dreams maybe.” he replied.

“Alright. Ready to lose against me for the second time today?” I threatened him.

“Lose?” he scoffed. “It was literally just far-“ 

I cut him off by ripping a huge, natural blast, staring at him with a smug grin. The fart easily echoed in the alley and I’m pretty sure they heard it downtown. It was short and sweet, you might say.

4 loud, proud seconds.

“I’m sorry.” I said. “You were saying?”

Adam laughed in response. “Fine, you won whatever that was back in the warehouse.” he admitted. “But I’m still not gonna drag your sorry drunk ass back home later.”

You know me, I’m a chill guy, but if you tease me, I can get very competitive.

I again wrapped my arm around his shoulder: “If it’s a show you want, Adam, a show you’ll get.”

Nah… maybe I’m too nice.

The End

[day-dreamsinthedark]

"Lucerys cut Aemonds eye and had no punishment!"

Aemond was carrying a rock, ready to bash Jace's HEAD IN. Baela and Rhaena witnessed the entire thing. WHY would you punish your son for that? Literal witnesses. At. The. Scene. We get that you're obsessed with Aemond, but don't pretend that he wasn't a rotten little boy too.

"Jace and Luke ARE bastards!" No, they aren't. Bastards are only bastards until they have been legitimized by the King, which they have been since birth. The Kings word is law. ALSO, they are just as Targaryen as Aegon lol so genuinely who gives a flying fuck? At least they aren't awful rapists or attempted+actual kinslayers.

Anyway, when Laenor loves his boys wholly, when Corlys loves his boys wholly, and when the King himself loves his boys wholly and recognizes them all as fully blooded heirs to the throne, all of those ridiculous "but they're bastards!" arguments fly out the window ♡ unless the true politics of the show... suddenly don't matter?

++ adding context:

When I say Viserys loved his boys I literally am only speaking of Jace and Luke 😭 Or Rhaenyras children in general. He was a very kind father and king until he had children with Alicent. His general nonchalance about their existence + Alicent's lack of care is absolutely why they are so awful, but I am too tired for in-depth character analysis. I understand the complexities of these characters, but I just hate the way people act like Luke stabbed Aemond for no reason 😭 Have none of you ever hurt someone in self defense/defense of others? It doesn't matter how much you hurt them-- when you genuinely believe you've stopped a catastrophic event, there is no mercy and there is no regret.

Also, I have not read the books, nor do I have any interest in reading them (aka I read like 50 pages as a 14 y/o and was so horrified I gave the set to my brother ♡)

[spopsalt]

How to show abusers Helluva Boss vs Hazbin Hotel vs Rick and Morty

So, I've been meaning to make this post for a while, but an anon said they'd like to see the post, so I was finally motivated to make it!

Ok first up, let's do Helluva Boss, I was wondering wheter to use Stolas or Stella for this one, since both of them are horrible portrayals of abusers, but there is a similar portrayal on how Stolas is portrated with Hazbin Hotel, so I chose to use Stella.

Yep. This is an actual line from the show. Depth? What's that!? Stella is just made to be a Saturday one-dimensional cereal box villain. Who only exists so people can feel bad for poor Stolas. The thing is she had potential to be an interesting and complex character but nope! She just exists to make you feel bad for the poor baby Stolas ohhhh noooo she's mean. They acts like this isn't hell and even is supposed to be nice.

Hazbin Hotel

So Lucifer is Charlie's dad, and this image is the best way I can describe his portrayal. He was emotionally neglectful of Charlie's (Fuck you to anyone who says neglecting isn't abuse it's a form of abuse) and he does not get held accountable. He doesn't even apologize for neglecting his daughter for years on end. He also makes it very clear that he does not support her dream in the slightest and allows angels to kill his own people because he considers then beyond saving, and he does this despite knowing that his daughter hates it. All he does is say "Oh wait I support your dream now" then he gets portrayed as some amazing person. He clearly still sees Charlie as a child he literally says "I'll shelter and adore you more than anything" while hugging her. And he only called her when he was bored. He didnt even improve after his shitty half-assed rushed "redemption" being dismissive after she was feeling extremely upset about the amount of casualties in a war instead of trying to understand her. What an amazing father.

Rick and Morty

Rick Sanchez is a really amazing portrayal in my opinion. The gif I'm showing above shows his trauma with someone named Rick Prime. Showing that abusers are normally the way they are due to something horrible happening to them in their past, and while it makes a lot of what he did make sense, he's still held accountable because he's still a VERY horrible person. He constantly emotionally abused his grandson (Morty) there were even times where the abuse got physically (4 times if I'm correct) and has done awful things to keep him codependent. He's very codependent on Morty and relies on him for various things, like keeping him emotionally stable when thats a ridiculous and unfair thing to depend on someone for, especially your 14 year old grandson. But Rick isnt shown as being in the right for this and is called out mainly by Morty and some of the other family members when he's being a piece of shit. But he's shown to feel guilt for the shitty things he done at times and hates himself because of it. He's also shown mutiple times that he does truly lover and care about Morty mutiple times throughout the series, being very protective over him and even willing to die for him on one occasion. It still shows him as being human without glorifying him or demonizing him. Like it or not, abusers are still people. They aren't good people, but they are people nonetheless. And I love how Rick and Morty shows that. They have 2 neglectful parents here but I'm only covering one abuser per show so maybe I'll cover them in another post.

[pseudophan]

some post wad weekend thoughts...

i just wrote all this on the plane and haven't read it through so apologies for any mistakes

first of all, this weekend was incredible. i usually just kinda sit at home doing not much of anything, and this was a much needed break to actually have some fun. london in general always lifts my spirits but i suppose that danisnotonfire guy contributed a little as well.

guys i think i've met more people the past few days than i otherwise have in years. like. holy shit. i started listing people but i'm petrified i'll forget someone so i chickened out, sorry about that. but you all know who you are. i've met friends i've had for years, people i used to know but haven't spoken to in what feels like a decade, newer friends, and a frankly baffling amount of people i didn't know yet but who told me they've followed me for ages. like holy fuck you guys lmao what the hell??? and i mean did the reaction ever get old no of course it didn't. bad for my ego i'm sure but totally worth it. there's something very amusing and incredibly surreal about being chronically lame in most aspects of life and then suddenly finding yourself in an environment where you're kinda cool???? SO fucking fun oh my god, but also i do kinda feel like i've tricked you all? but hey i'll happily let you keep believing i'm cool, that is more than fine with me.

most importantly though everyone was SO lovely. like i said i don't think i've spoken to this many people in such a short amount of time in years and every single person i talked to was awesome. guys did you know phannies are kind of great... don't tell anyone but, lowkey... everyone is so funny and cool and absolutely insane but in a good way (shoutout everyone left at the gates until the very end, we should probably get some help).

and then lastly of course, mr howell himself. i talk about this a lot i feel like but fuck me that man was born to perform. whether you think he's actually funny or not, nobody can argue he doesn't absolutely thrive on a stage. he plays off the audience so well and he's so very obviously having the time of his fucking life. i'd already seen the show twice before this, and i didn't think anything would top the previous london show but man... the first night he came back out after the show having clearly been tearing up backstage, apologising for being an inconsistent absent parent, and i can't lie the "i had daddy issues and THEN i subscribed to dan howell" got me cause yeah no literally dude, you nailed it, exactly, well done. i think something about doing this show again, his magnum opus as he considers it, now after the dapg return was very special to him. he seems genuinely surprised that so many of us were ready to just jump back in like nothing happened, i don't think he was expecting so many people to still be waiting and it's... man. he comes off so grateful for us all and it's so fucking sweet. and then on the last night, i think that was my favourite, when the show ended and he got the standing ovation and people throwing him flowers.. he was so HAPPY. and clearly overwhelmed with emotion which, i gotta say, there is something honestly kinda funny about daniel howell standing in front of you trying not to cry. like no by all means dude go ahead, please, you've made me cry an endless amount of times it's only fair.

ugh. i'm proud of him or whatever. dick. and i'm proud of our ridiculous fucking community. i'm not sure what 14 year old nora would say if you'd told me i'd still be kicking it in the phandom a decade on, but at almost 25 (fml) i'm so so happy to be here still. you know, we get a bad rep, but i genuinely think as far as fanbases go we're pretty solid. and i love you all so much.

i believe i will have to rob a bank or something because the next time dan and/or phil do a tour i think i'll have to just show up at every date like i'm sorry but this was too good of a high we need to do it again immediately

anyway. back to work 💪

(by which i mean giffing dan and phil. i am still very much unemployed. fr though i'm two whole videos behind this has never happened i feel weird. who am i)

[pit-2-podium]

Canada Quali Highlights

Q1

Watching people literally crane their necks to see if their is rain coming

there ain't a lot of grip

Stroll my dude I know your excited to be home but you don't need to be kissing the walls

And george goes off the track (and lewis??)

Mercedes you did something to your car and it was beautiful, leave it alone now

Then Yuki and Lewis impede oscar (its a pretty narrow area but still...)

"Come on they are being ridiculous" - Charles about who i believe is checo

Gasly did a nice 18th to second

Logan to fifth!!

Lewis is holding up first

Williams be honest, did you dabble in the dark arts??

All checo does is swear (he' s out) and his engineer and just goes yeah.

Overall this was such a weird session like it was just constant struggles of people who shouldn't be struggling this much

Out

20. Zhou

19. Hulkenberg

18. Ocon

17. Bottas

16. Perez

Q2

Ruth (from f1tv) is my hero -forget the drivers she's the coolest

Max studying Oscar's back wheel

Oscar showing off just how good he is at qualifying

George Russell I don't talk about you a lot because you just get your shit done and do it well, good job dude

Mad max appearance?

Logan in Q2!!! For the first time this year!!

Carlos whats up my dude, your not doing to hot

Williams and their pitstops /neg

"holy moly I had big moment in corner four" - george (british)

LOGAN SARGENT YOU LEGEND

what is going on with red bull today

Mercedes who did you sell your souls to

Both ferrari's are out in Q2???? wtf

"I guess we are fucked" "yes" - carlos and his engineer

Alex finished in 6th

Out

15. Gasly

14. Kmag

13. Sargent

12. Sainz

11. Leclerc

Q3

commentators are also wondering what the fuck is happening

everyone is just trying to keep their car on track at the moment

Lance in Q3 at home for the first time!!

Merc 1-2??

Oscar up to second then lando bumps him

the Mercedes are on old tires while everyone else are on new one and are absolutely destroying them

Lance to sixth

Damn they really just referenced Villenevue's rant earlier

Max and Russell got the exact same time??

What are the fucking odds - this hasn't happened since like the 70's??? This is the second time ever??

George got his second pole ever!!!

You are a legend good sir!!!

His radio was so fun

Commentators really have been baffled today

10. Albon

9. Stroll

8. Tsunoda

7. Hamilton

6. Alonso

5. Ricciardo

4. Piastri

3. Norris

2. Verstappen

RUSSELL

[autisticlancemcclain]

What’s your most hated fandom characterization for each of the main 7?

hoo boy am i glad you asked. although i’m gonna be real, my issue is less with fandom characterization, because you do you i don’t give a shit, and more with how people go batty if you personally are not a fan of fanon characterizations.

like, lemme be obvious and talk about my biggest example. i am a brown eyed lance truther. we know this. the amount of weirdo comments, weirdo DMs, and weirdo asks i get is atrocious. i post a lot of them bc they’re so stupid they’re funny but the amount of people per week that tell me to kill myself is lowkey wild. the amount of people that love to say some variation of “i liked your fic but you ruined it by making lances eyes brown! his eyes are blue!” and i’ve checked other brown eyed truther’s fics — either they delete their comments better than me, or they do not get the same thing. idk what the deal is lol.

i will concede to the point that i’m a contrarian and annoying about it, but a list of the following non-fanon headcanons/characterizations i hold that have been commented on in some derisive way:

- bitchy hunk (lol)

- non “cinnamon roll too pure and baby and good for this world” hunk*

- allura is a good character (🤡)**

- allura is a sweetheart

- allura is not a drill sergeant

- kuron was a good iteration of shiro

- red paladin lance/black paladin keith/blue paladin allura

- retired shiro

- pidge is not cruel

- pidge is not an infant and can handle things a regular 14-15 year old can handle

- small details are irrelevant (think lances family, exact prekerb details, etc)

- keith gyeong and lance sanchez

- fucking brown eyed lance. i’m saying it again

- tall keith

- non omega keith***

- readmores

- autistic lance

- adhd keith

- non asshole/cruel keith

- comphetting gay lance****

- shallura

- bi shiro, demi keith, essentially any sexuality headcanon that isn’t mainstream

- hunk who isn’t food obsessed

- that’s about it

*stop infantilising hunk

**the allura hate is ridiculous and largely rooted in anti-Blackness. it should not be a fight to say that she had a reason to feel betrayed by keith’s heritage, that she did not “get in the way” of klance, that her death was stupid and ridiculous, that she is often pushed over in favour of klance (not as in she’s less popular, but that her/her death are used as a plot device to further klance), and that she is as interesting, nuanced, and multifaceted as the rest of them.

***people, inevitably, feminize characters in fandoms (largely because many people in fandom are young women, i know i feminize characters simply bc i’m making them like me and i’m feminine lol), and my issue is that people (in the general sense, not everybody) love to feminize keith and then get really mad if anyone else is feminized. this is not about fem or trans woman keith btw. this is about people omega-ifying him and then losing their MINDS if i don’t share that headcanon.

****i literally only wrote this once and then never again because people lost their minds. but as much as i love bi lance, i think it’s interesting that usually, when we see “boy crazy” or “girl crazy” characters, especially if they have a lot of chemistry or homoerotic tension with a same-gender character, people are like oh ya that’s comphetting. that character is desperately trying to outrun the gay thoughts. but with lance, who was definitely girl crazy and cared more about having a girlfriend than actually dating and falling in love (think “mrs blue lion” — he didn’t give a fuck about who he was marrying, so long that it was a girl), calling him gay will have people saying you’re erasing bisexuality. as if he was not fucking straight in the show. so.

sorry this is so bitter and ranty lol. been in a mood

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 29

chapter 48:

1. oof. i was NOT prepared for james to realize regulus is a death eater

2. “Everything I do in that arena, it's for you.” james is not handling that well. it’s repeated every other paragraph and it feels like a punch to the GUT

3. pros of crimson rivers universe:

•homophobia and transphobia just aren’t a thing in this universe.

•james potter is a real human being.

•wolfstar is together

cons of crimson rivers universe:

• 23 people are brutally slaughtered in an arena for entertainment

4. oh thank god regulus chose his correct person to lie about killing. regulus is smart af

5. “Everything I do in that arena, it's for you.

How, Reg? James thinks, staring at the screen with a lump in his throat. How is this for me? Tell me how.”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

6. 😐 james is trusting reg. with no hesitation. no hesitation. nohejsjksidksjsjdlalajsa

7. “Everyone better hope Regulus is fine, because if he isn't, if he's dead, Sirius is going to kill every single fucking person in this maze for daring to live when his little brother didn't.”

i choked on my tea yall. i’m actually so scared for everyone in that arena alongside sirius

8. augusta vs alice argument 👀 i’m here for the drama (that very much makes me a bad person)

9. MARLENE NO

10. thank god she’s fine

11. even tho regulus is a death eater, i find comfort in the fact that regulus hates those people and their personalities

12. the way mavis and velvets deaths remind regulus of his own games with james. two people who didn’t want to live without the other

13. god the evan call backs and KILLING me

14. “Regulus thinks Alecto is quite mental to subject herself to a shift of dealing with two of the Black sisters, who are as equally dramatic and ridiculous as the Black brothers when they want to be.”

LMAOO

15. “He's not here to make friends. It didn't go well for him last time, literally only last year, down to the same fucking day. Exactly a year ago, Regulus spent the day with Evan Rosier, climbing a tree to get to weapons, learning to trust, not knowing that he was on a clock that was running out where the best friend he didn't even know he would have was going to leave him, before he could even properly find him, and know him.”

punched in the fucking gut over this

16. narcissa playing up the pregnancy thing is freaking hilarious

17. the mention of andromeda took me out. i am not okay. reg wonders if andy is at home with her family watching the black family reunion on screen and missing them. babes… i hate to break it to you…

18. remus is pissed at regulus and tbh i don’t blame him

19. mcgonnagal being referred to as cat like>>>

20. the way that the game makers are referring to these games as brutal like never before is honestly terrifying. how the hell is dorcas gonna pull off getting them out?

[suugarbabe]

(14)“I’d pay good money for you to admit you tolerate me.”  

a little draco one shot from the comment section of the original blurb prompt post.

“You’re literally insufferable, Malfoy. I don’t know how anyone stands to be in the same room as you,” you were nearly chest to chest with the platinum blonde. You looked up to meet his icy blue eyes as he spout back at you, “Oh, please, Y/l/n, I bet you’re jealous of every girl who’s had her tongue down my throat.” You didn’t resist your urge to gag, making lewd noises as you did so, “I would rather make out with Potter than even think about your tongue near mine.” 

“Enough!” You and Draco turned at the sound of Mattheo scolding you two like toddlers. Mattheo grabbed hold of both of your elbows, dragging you to his and Draco’s room and shoving you both inside. “You two are going to fucking stay in here until you can either get along or until I’m at least drunk enough to fall asleep and not have to listen to it,” Mattheo slammed the door behind him, you heard it lock and immediately ran to yank on the nob. You huffed in annoyance, realizing whatever spell Mattheo put on the door was there to stay until he was satisfied. 

Your turned back to Draco, finger roughly shoving into his shoulder with every word, “You’re a right fucking tosser, you know that Malfoy? If you could just let your bloody ego go for one minute we’d never be in this mess.” Draco simply scoffed, grabbing hold of your wrist, “Me? You’re kidding right? If you didn’t feel the need to be right all the time then we’d never argue. You’re always sticking your nose in my business.” His face mere inches from yours now, breath fanning your lips, “Ya know, I’d pay good money for you to admit you tolerate me. Hell, maybe even have a little crush on me.” 

You rolled your eyes, but you felt like your whole body was aflame, “T-that’s ridiculous.” Draco’s hands were on your waist now, pulling your chest flush to his, “Stuttering hmm? Now I know I’m correct.” His hand traced slowly up your side, fingertips ghosting against your skin as he wraps his hand around the back of your neck. Your breathing shallow as his lips hover over yours, distance closing- “See, I knew you two could work things out,” Mattheo’s voice laced with arrogance. Your face immediately flushed while Draco just shoots his cousin the finger.

[graendoll]

I'm almost through season 6 of the queer EMT show and I have a couple of thoughts I really need to get off my chest.

Before I dive in I want to share an observation. It feels like there are two tiers of main ensemble cast and I'm basing this on the character development of each of them. Tier 1 feels like its Bobby, Buck and Maddie who have gone through the most dramatic character arcs, while tier 2 is Athena, Hen, and Eddie. I can't decide which group Chim is in tbh and this is hardly scientific so...

The point of all that is that everything else I'm going to say is based off my observation that Buck is more fleshed out and developed as a character than Eddie.

So now to the point!

First, Buck absolutely adores Eddie. Like is definitely 100% in love with the man. I'm only on episode 14 of season 6 so I haven't even gotten to the onscreen bi realization or the coming out scene outside of gifs on this here hell site. But currently, the way Buck looks at Eddie is so fucking heart eyed its ridiculous.

The hysteria when Eddie is in danger - the screaming at the mudslide, the absolute hard reboot at the shooting? Buck is completely beside himself at the idea of losing Eddie. He literally cries on Christopher's shoulder at the thought of losing him and Chris losing his dad.

This is not standard BFF behavior, I'm sorry.

And don't even get me started on the couch metaphor...I have too much to say about that to include it here.

But what I do want to talk about is the coma episode. Because I feel like that episode was a purposeful "no-homo" episode and here's why:

Buck is in an alternate universe and runs to Hen and Chim, sees Maddie and Bobby. But Eddie is literally just referenced once as "the angry guy" and his contribution to the entire episode is to bring Christopher to see Buck while hes unconscious. Which is weird!

Yes, Eddie rescued Buck and yes he tells the medical team to do better than their best, but compared to Buck literally hauling Eddie's limp body into an ambulance? It's a pretty vanilla response.

And then he doesn't show up in alternate Bucks reality. This is, i believe, one part writers trying to no homo the thing and one part writers implying that Eddie and Chris are a replacement for Bucks "real family" which undermines the entire guardian arc in a very weird way. So it definitely seems, during s6 at least, that Buddie was flat out not happening (again...I'm on e14 only).

So if Buck is in love with Eddie through narrative and acting choices (based on recent PR from Oliver S implying hes lowkey played Buck queer) where is Eddie at? What gives?

I'll tell you what gives.

Eddie is the most repressed motherfucker on the planet. Eddie goes to a call involving a vibrator getting stuck in a woman and he barely clocks that's what's happening.

This man has only had missionary sex for the purpose of baby making and it shows. I have definitely HC'd that Eddie is demi but he's also just locked down so tight. No wonder he spent a whole season beating the crap out of random strangers in illegal fights!

So, what's my point?

My POINT is this. Eddie may be queer underneath all that repression, but he has no idea. None. Zero. Zip. Eddie thinks he can't find a wife and mother for Christopher because he's BROKEN, not because he's maybe just not that into women.

And yes, Buck coming out might give him a clue. Tommy being gay might show him something he hasn't really seen in terms of what a gay man looks like. But that Catholic guilt ridden man has a LONG way to go before he will confess to the fact that he wifed up his bisexual BFF because of non-platonic reasons.

We'll see how the story pans out. But anyone who thinks season 7 is going to end in a Buddie romance is likely incredibly wrong. I mean I haven't seen the episodes yet. So give me a week. But it seems unlikely. Eddie's character is in a very different place than Buck.

Doesn't mean these two don't live together in marital bliss rent free in my head though 😜

[darklinaforever]

https://www.tumblr.com/very-straight-blog/754819285385396224/actually-im-probably-going-to-express-an?source=share

That's like very scary. Very.

Exactly.

Also, it is time for this person to accept the plain truth that Aegon II is indeed a certified rapist in Fire and Blood.

We have to stop the bullshit.

Aegon II is a villain ! Not a gray character ! Complaining that HOTD shows a dark side of him is ridiculous !

And yet he is really diminished by making him cry 24 hours a day, complaining about his father's lack of love, and making believe to the audience (with bitter failure) that he cared for his son by ultimately... making him cry. Well, this is definitely the son of the Alicent of HOTD...

Not to mention maintaining Maester Eustace's incoherent propaganda bullshit that Aegon II was forced to take the throne while his behavior after being put in power in F&B proves the opposite... (And this original Aegon II has no right to the excuse of having been galvanized by the people who chanted his name during his coronation, giving him a taste for this position like Aegon II of HOTD, since in truth in the book Fire and Blood the coronation of Aegon II it went badly with the people demanding for Rhaenyra...) 😑

Also, in another post this person always tries to defend Aegon II harassing Aemond in 2x03 by saying that he is not trying to harass or make fun of him, just tease him because he is drunk !!! 🤪

As if having drunk is a good excuse for the public behavior of Aegon II in relation to Aemond ? When he was harassing Aemond in episode 6, he hadn't been drinking as far as I know. Even when he basically says that Aemond knows his place in 2x01 ?

In any case, Aegon II stans will always find great excuses for him, each one more stupid than the other. All they care about is putting it in the right light !

It's deeply disgusts me.

We have another exemple with this so true post :

And this response which is basically a short version of what the person you sent me already said :

This scene has nothing to do with a big brother teasing his little brother. It's pure and simple public humiliation, especially when you combine it with the fact that Aegon II was the ringleader and the one who came up with the idea of ​​Aemond's harassment that Alicent validates as long as it's in private and the way in which Aegon II speaks of Aemond as knowing his place.

Luke took Aemond's eye out of pure impulse of fear and protection for his big brother Jace who was literally being threatened by Aemond who was holding a stone, saying that they were all going to die screaming like their father did. What did he have ? Between 7 and 9 years old ? According to my research, he died at 14 years old in episode 10. So normally, in episode 7, he was around either already 8 years old or almost, so probably seven and a half years old. He's just a kid who panicked and acted accordingly !

Especially since in the book, it's Aemond who starts the fight.

And he's not a victim of harassment either. In fact, he's the one who harasses the Velaryon boys.

There is no “nuance” like in this fucking stupid show.

Aemond in the book got himself into this shit and Lucerys simply defended himself in a situation that probably made him panic. He was 5 years old. Neither more nor less.

Like @nrilliree said : Joffrey was actually three years old in the book. Jace was six and Luke was five. Aemond was 10. Aemond slapped Joffrey of three years old, shouted at him, and pushed him into the dragon dung. Aemond broke Luke's nose and broke the wooden sword on Jace's head (so imagine the force he had to use). Luke was half his age, and the difference between a 10-year-old and a 5-year-old is huge. Luke only reacted when Aamond was pummeling Jace with his fists and he refused to stop. Aemond beat up a three-year-old, broke Luke's nose, broke the wooden sword on Jace's head, and then beat him up. A ten-year-old has a really big advantage in a clash with a 6- and 5-year-old. The loss of his eye in both canons is a consequence of his own actions.

But in any case, to come back on Aegon II subject ; Aegon II stans will always find great excuses for him, each one more stupid than the other. All they care about is putting it in the right light.

It disgusts me.

Aegon II in the show is an alcoholic rapist - who enjoys harassing his little brother Aemond - who finds his sister / wife Helaena to be an idiot - who enjoys watching children, including his own illegitimate children fight in arenas to survive them - as a result he is a shit father, but also legitimate for his children since before his son with Helaena became his heir he had never been interested in him to the point of not even knowing that he was taking lessons and knew even less where they took place, ultimately using his kid to humiliate Tyland Lannister, showing that Aegon II just likes bullying people...

In the book he is also a lazy alcoholic rapist and a pedophile on top of that (and by spending his time being lazy, drinking, and raping maids, and raping 11 / 12 year old girls, I'm supposed to think that he takes time for his children and would be a good father by the way ?) !

Aegon II is human waste that's all.

[phantooomz]

𝖥𝔄𝖭𝖳𝖠𝖲𝐼𝑍𝐸⠀⠀✷⠀⠀⠀𝈺⠀𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖻𝗂𝖽 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗯𝗮𝘁𝗯𝗼𝘆𝘀

⠀⠀𝗱𝗰 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗰𝘀⠀✬⠀𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘣𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 . . . 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒐𝒐𝒌 ᅠ♰ᅠᅠׂᅠᅠ＼⠀𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐀 girl's fantasies run through her mind, dreams take charge of taking her to the most anticipated moments of her pathetic life, wetting her underwear and cursing that her reality was totally different.

⠀⠀⠀⠀ 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 wants her skin boiling against his delicate body, she was born to be the girl of his dreams and not a total.

─── do not try to plagiarize or make stupid comments about my one shots and the protagonist

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀created by @PSYBERH99D

⠀⠀✶⠀⠀𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗬 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗞 morbid things about the boys dc, main in batboys ❪ later ❫

⠀⠀✶⠀⠀𝗘𝗫𝗖𝗟𝗨𝗦𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗚𝗜𝗙𝗧 for my precious beca ❪ @birdniight ❫ for your birthday that was yesterday, but for climate issues in my city, everything is It went well to hell. ⠀ I stay calm with having congratulated my bestie on this day 14 just when in his country it was already on November 15.

⠀⠀✶⠀⠀𝘽𝙀𝘾𝘾𝘼 𝙒𝙃𝙄𝙏𝙀 this based on my friend's whore even if it wasn't my intention ❪ it literally came naturally to me ❫

⠀⠀✶⠀⠀𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗞 by one shots will be very fanfic type but with a lot of porn involved, Do not judge me.

⠀⠀✶⠀⠀𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦 There are many of them who are going to fuck the protagonist, Don't blame me if it took too long.

⠀⠀𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀. . . smut, sexual degradation, masturbation, oral sex, slightly forced submission, sexual relations in public places, shame, masochism, voyeurism, sexual group, threesomes, taste for adults, involuntary innocence, raw sex, double penetration, fetishes, phallophilia, hanging, etc.

⠀⠀𝗰𝗼𝗽𝘆𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁. . . the characters used (with the exception of Becca White) are the property of DC Comics and none of them belong to me. The plot and so on are mine.

⠀⠀୨౿⠀⠀⠀⠀֛⠀⠀⠀⠀𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐂𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 for being a woman of ethereal attractiveness including her characteristic and unmistakable graceful sense of humor, she secretly professed a petty ⠀⠀ ━exorbitant and obvious━ ⠀⠀ infatuation with the old man his father's comrade, because in his gentle and tender eyes, Bruce Wayne was perfectly imperfect, far removed from the specific traits that led directly to the ideal type standard; without having the intention of sounding demanding; It was enough and incredibly satisfying to see his kind intentions with the less fortunate who came to the man's help in the first person, falling at the feet of the Elder. ⠀ to say, to describe how ridiculous and the catastrophic level of his shame for his feelings, worse still, his growing desires for more than simple caresses, was a complete disgrace, they were a constant torment that day and night he suffered; he had no voice, nor a vote, the control and sanity of his jovial thoughts were violated by the main culprit of his martyrdom; who unfortunately did not know ⠀⠀ ━or knew perfectly well━ ⠀⠀ what it caused to his small anatomy.

⠀⠀ now I lived on vague encounters and few exchanges of words.

⠀⠀⠀⠀ a gala was being held at Wayne Manor with a hidden motive, the uncertainty and mystery is almost possible to breathe and the nervousness eats away at the patience of each person inside the great Hall until reaching a point where Becca She is forced to feel out of place to start pacing every solitary corner of that majestic room, luxuriously decorated and perfectly lit ⠀⠀ ❪with certain blind spots, but nothing she can complain about❫. ⠀⠀ hears murmurs, rumors and flattery directed towards the Elder Wayne: the patriarch of such a prestigious family with three adopted children and one biological ⠀⠀ ❪dead, as was previously the second of his offspring until he was legally revived❫, ⠀⠀ a sweet smile appears on Miss White's fleshy and well-kept lips; probably proud, but of what? balancing the thin glass of white wine between each finger of her small hands, absorbed in every thought; browsing without being aware that a picturesque look ⠀⠀ ❪many, actually❫ ⠀⠀ details it down to the smallest imperfection.

⠀⠀ it runs through every curve of the tiny body, loses itself in the spongy, thin and smooth cheeks, mentally notes the soft, unexpressed whispers in a low voice and even goes lower and lower until it just returns to its starting point. ⠀ that tender look melted in chocolate, with big eyes: similar to a deer.

⠀⠀⠀ wants to go. ⠀ wants to meet her, introduce herself, hear her name and repeat it; he wants to savor each letter in his oral cavity, just projecting himself into such an imagination causes a vibration in his chest due to the warm bubbling invading a large part of the thin and pale cheeks in the masculine features, saying it with such adoration until he is the culprit of an intense blush on the rosy cheeks because of the soft tone dissolving because of that seductive tone that is part of the gravity in his voice.

⠀⠀ he takes a step forward but, surprisingly, his younger brother discreetly rushes to steal the attention of that pleasant female without so much work.

⠀⠀⠀⠀ cautiously examines the stunned expression on the melodious female face, Damian ignores the gesture and asks something of his own; using overall distinction of the magnificent sharp lip without losing sight of it at any moment. ⠀there, right on their own side within the great Hall, two figures join on each side, equally observant of the exchange of words between the legally recently revived younger brother and the woman who takes away sighs from her Father prudent enough to that no one will notice. ⠀ The only difference was that they were not normal people, it was a little late but they noticed it.

⠀⠀⠀ ━━━ that brat is a. . . ⠀ ━━ ⠀ ⠀ the offense is cut off by the severity shining in the blue orbs and he grumbles dissatisfied.

⠀⠀ ━━━ Jaybird ⠀ ━━ ⠀ ⠀ pronounces velvety, without looking at the man's sharp features. ⠀ ⠀ ━━, it is not the best time to start an altercation with Damian precisely at his first gala after being dead for a long time ⠀ ━━ ⠀ ⠀ he smiles, it is disturbing that the gesture feels rigid and cannot be reached reflected in his attractive look. ⠀ briefly feeling uncomfortable by the heaviness in the center of his torso, pushing away the emotion before vibrating with pure warmth. ⠀ ⠀ ━━. There just has to be a reason for it. . . Inexplicable socialization with Miss White.

⠀⠀⠀⠀ a subtle "Mmm" comes out of Tim Drake's throat, he crosses his arms over his chest and analyzes even the slightest reaction on the expressionless face of young Wayne - Al Ghul. ⠀ it was the female's charming smile that attracts the attention of all the members of the Wayne family ⠀⠀ ❪even if the patriarch is busy talking to people he knows❫ ⠀⠀ and they briefly ignore their surroundings, the bustle enters the A hurried room, the party for an unknown reason gets out of control when they recognize the mature features ⠀⠀ ❪so sharp and well defined❫ ⠀⠀ of the young man next to the thin figure of Lady White. ⠀ they think carefully ⠀⠀ ❪they are loud and do not consider themselves rude because of the noise❫ ⠀⠀ which is hopelessly similar to that of the biological son that Bruce Wayne declared dead years ago. ⠀ The boredom previously drawn on the Demon's face is overshadowed by something indescribable just an instant after stretching out the palm of his hand and caressing a pair of brown locks that fall softly along Becca White's cheekbones, the emerald shines when contact is made. with the tiny hand ⠀⠀❪compared to the thickness and length of his own❫ ⠀⠀ and pulls it: Damian knows in detail what he is doing without saying anything else, he walks backwards and without wasting any more time stretches his arm sheathed in the distinguished evening dress ⠀⠀ ❪made to measure, enriched in expensive and comfortable fabrics❫ ⠀⠀ until it tangled against the small waist, its purpose was not to let it go for a long time. ⠀ They saw it when they exchanged glances, so evident by the imperceptible smile framed in their slightly thick lips.

⠀⠀⠀ a dance before dropping the bomb that revolutionized the lives of absolutely everyone.

⠀⠀𓇼⠀⠀⠀⠀𝈺⠀⠀⠀⠀okay, I have to say that I never thought about translating fantasize because, mainly, I published it not so long ago and I haven't even started writing the first "encounter" yet, however, I think it's better to do it at the same time so as not to have to publish everything at once. hit and no, of course not.

apart from the fact that my friend suggested I translate it, I said: well, I don't lose anything. likewise, I am very sorry that the translation is complete shit, when I learn English I swear by everything I love most that I will improve the translation, until then, sorry.

this fic or book (yes, book on other platforms) is published in Spanish on Ao3 in my R3DHOODLUST account and on Wattpad with the same username as my blog (but in all caps, and the book is better decorated) anyway, just for people who want to see it or who speak Spanish to improve their reading.

i already want to distance myself from this, so wait for more updates (because maybe Jason Todd's Venom Rage will upload, MAYBE IDK) FINALLY, then I'm going to decorate the blog with more of my things, bye bye

postscript: lowercase is intentional

[fandomwe1rd0]

No, because I feel so bad for Morty. Like, let's put ourselves in Morty's shoes for a moment. You've already got all the basic stressors of being 14, insecurity, puberty, etc. Now, imagine having no friends for your whole life, then when you were 14, this random guy crashed into your house and he's apparently your grandpa and is now living here? Then he drags you on dangerous adventures and constantly manhandles and emotionally abuses you, your parents are emotionally neglectful and don't do much to stop this abuse. And he's really your first and only friend. It doesn't help that he always drags you out of school so you can never make any friends your age. Your literal only friend is your 70-year-old grandpa, and you're basically his only real close friend.

We know Rick is Morty's first and only friend with what Beth says in the first episode "Morty was having trouble in school way before my dad moved in, and the only influence I can see Rick having is that for the first time in his life...Morty has a friend." Not only that, but Rick's healing is HEAVILY dependent on Morty, and he relies on Morty to keep him stable (Look at Rickfending your Mort) Having anyone rely on you for their healing and emotional support is already a ridiculous and unfair responsibility to put on an adult, let alone a 14-year-old. And Morty SHOULD break free. Key word should. But it's hard. Rick is literally all he knows. He has emotionally neglectful parents, he never had any friends before Rick, and he and Summer don't really talk all too much, so Rick is really all he knows. And we know that his parents aren't a good example of a healthy relationship. So Rick is all he knows, bunched up with him not having any good frame of reference of what a healthy relationship is, it's gonna be hard to break free from the possibly biggest influence on your life. Imagine how hard it must be hard to even acknowledge that the relationship is unhealthy, much less break free from it. Even when he treats you horribly, even when he straight up says "What we had was abusive, don't you see?" all you can say is "Ok...so...what's the undercut?" Like you don't see the problem with it.

Then he walks out on you, adding a heavy dose of abandonment issues, we see this in the Jerrick Trap with Morty having a stronger reaction than everyone else to Jerricki leaving, everyone else just seemed mildly annoyed, meanwhile, Morty sounded like he was literally about to cry "They are my dad and grandpa! You can't just take them!" Even though you don't even think he cares about you, but you make peace with that. Now you just accept that he may not care about you. All you want is for him to stay by you. Because he's all you know, you place him on a pedestal, seeing him as "A super fucked-up god" (See Rickshank Redemption) So no wonder you see nothing wrong with it? Why would you? As long as he stays by you, everything feels like it will be fine. Giving you some twisted sense of comfort. All you need for him to stay by your side. Need. Not want. Need He needs you too. He relies on you for pretty much everything, here's some examples in the show, ahem, he relies on you to: Keep him stable, get him food, help him with pretty much everything, remind him to shower, help him heal, etc., etc., we could literally be here all day if I listed off all of them, and in the wise words of Jadien Animations, nobody should ever need you. They should want you. But you can't help it. This person is all you know.

Deep down, you probably know it's abusive, that it isn't good or healthy for either of you. But here's the thing.

You don't care.

You need him.

You know deep down that this won't do anyone any good in the long haul. But you don't care.

You need him even though it's damaging to you, like a drug.

It doesn't matter if it stops you from making other friends.

It doesn't matter how much it hurts your mental health.

It doesn't matter how many times he fucks with your mind.

All that matters is that you have him.

No matter what.

[fillinforlater]

i kinda agrer w the anon like ig the older members r fine but if u plan on writing for new jeans rhe maknae is 14/15…

A measured Response

While I think the other anon who send the initially accusation is still the one sending asks to my inbox, I also think that you are another person. I will strengthen and steel-man your concerns/argument, though it will always baffle me that y'all have these ridiculous spelling errors. Seriously, guys, at least try to type coherent messages/a literal paragraph with no mistakes.

(To those of you who do, thank you <3)

For some fucking reason I feel like I have to make this a thing. I should not, really. These accusations are baseless, I'm not the thing he wants to frame me as, so on and so on, but because I think you are genuinely kinda worried what I meant, I'll explain it to you.

(I'm not sorry if I sound condescending or anything, because I am)

It started with this ask, which basically asked me:

"Do you plan on writing NewJeans in the future?"

Now, being human and (probably) understanding English as well as context, this is what I (and probably 99% of other people with the right context) assumed this person meant:

"Do you plan on writing a fic about any of the 18+ NewJeans members in the future?"

bUt tHaT iSnT wHaT tHeY aSkEd!?

You cannot possibly reach that conclusion. Seriously, go look at literally every fic I ever wrote. Age of the idols? Ranging from 30 something down to 18, the absolute hard legal and (I guess) moral minimum, the line I don't cross.

If you go to my page or just open this weird ass tab from Tumblr (fuck Tumblr), you see stuff like "18+ Girl Group fic writer" or "No minors" or (from my Biaslists & Writelist & Requests tab) "Remember that I said most and 18+. This automatically excluded all 18- idols... I won't write those." This is easily understandable, obvious context to the message from above.

Or did you think I would just write about literal new jeans, like an review or something? No, of course not.

Oh, you can also look at my response, like... I specifically mention Hanni and Danielle, two 18+ idols, very popular, probably the two (including I guess Minji) the asker probably meant.

Now the point where I might look like an idiot if I take you seriously:

I responded to the baseless accusation with a GIF of Hanni, the focus on an easily identifiable part (her ass). The response of the accuser (still in my inbox):

"You just admitted you're a pedo"

Wrong and cringe.

Granted, you did not know this message (if you are a different person), yet you still, after seeing the Hanni GIF decided to say this. Either you are fucking stupid or this is maliciously framing me. Pick your poison.

(BTW: You are stupid because Hanni is 18. International age. Whatever the fuck Koreans use/used to use does not count, but she is also "19"/an adult there)

If you now need it black on white (or white on black), here it goes:

I'm not a pedo. I'm even against idols debuting under the age of 18.

(Why did I even bother? I dunno man, now it's out of the system)

With that said, I got some ideas for a Hanni fic (still very basic, but god, she is gorgeous and hot) and for a Danielle fic (funnily, it's not even a smut).

Everyone, have a nice day and some pretty Minji <3

[randybutternubber]

Heyyyyyyy do you have any funny head canons on the children :-9 if they squabble and stuff in your opinion. Give me the sillies !!!!! (I do too but I wanna hear urs)

YOU HAVE OPENED THE GATES OF HELL PREPARE FOR MY BORDERLINE SEVEN PAGE ESSAY ON THESE RANDOM FUCKING CHILDREN

I decided to do the ones that get less attention in general, especially since I have the most thoughts on them

HCs under cut because I may have gone overboard with the length

Ghost kid

Best friends with a batmin ball that had a very poorly drawn face on it from the age of six to eight.

Sebbo (spoon girl) buried the batmin ball using a spoon as a shovel after it got neutered by the barber (he thought it was a bug and shat his pants)

Not a native of the nowhere and was taken to the nowhere on Halloween, hence the ghost costume

Lost their arm pretty quickly after being taken to the Nowhere. he’s quite a friendly child and is very compassionate towards animals, but unfortunately, this has its downsides as not all animals in the Nowhere want help.

Friends with Sebbo

Has been squatting in houses since day 1 of living in the Nowhere and has no plans to stop

Would go CRAZY for squishmallows

Doesn’t have well formed empathy/sympathy for humans but is super compassionate towards animals

Zero concept of gender and doesn’t care what you call them, he just want to pet your dog

Nonverbal but has very expressive body language

Spoon girl

Her name is sebbo (based off of game files)

She sneezes like a middle aged divorced golf dad and due to her nose bleed these sneezes are NOT victimless

LEGENDARY rage tantrums

Literally only wants to watch gen 1 my little pony, Formula One, or a very specific documentary about some random Swedish sheep wool factory

Swedish

If you compare her to pippy longstockings you will end up needing to go to urgent care for a rabies shot

Calls ghost kid Ande (sounds like Andeh) which means spirit in Swedish. (His file name is actually spöke for anyone wondering, which also means ghost/spirit in Swedish. The only reason I’m not giving him the Sebbo naming treatment is that spöke absolutely does not sound like it’s spelled (sounds like Spurkeh) and Ande actually sounds like a name. I’m a quarter swedish and have a very Swedish family on my white side so I got the most incomprehensible Swedish lessons in the car ever, so please don’t roast me in the reblogs if I got this wrong, I remember like five words and this is one of them, same thing with Korean😭

Living embodiment of “ANDE WE’RE 10 NOW, WE SAY CRAP, NOT POOP”

Broke one of her legs at some point in the Nowhere and ended up in the hospital (HC based off of concept art where she was in a wheelchair and using crutches)

Has severe trauma revolving around doctors and medical stuff

Has never seen another ginger in her entire life but will fight to be the alpha

Warrior cats kid

Expert at digging and climbing out of holes, THE CHILDREN YEARN FOR THE MINES!!!

Rusty

Has a cleft lip

This isn’t a HC but something that not a lot of people realize; he has a lisp

Only reason I’m not drawing him as ginger because of his name is because I also designed Noone as ginger and he lost in a 1v1 to a rabid cabbage patch kid. He’s been through enough

He’s around 14

Very lithe

Despite being a trapeze and tightrope performer, he is TERRIFIED of heights, making his experience at the circus even worse

The dummy has been malding over Rusty for a ridiculously long period of timeand bro had no fucking idea and nobody even knows the reason why 💀

Also a warrior cats kid but kept in on the downlow. Yes he did name himself Rusty after firestar but if you tell anyone he will cry

Noone

A nice kid but will deadass ask some of the most insensitive questions and has NO idea. Also verbally cooked a middle aged man and spent like a whole episode sassing him so she can definitely be mean if she wants to

Also has really severe medical trauma along with trauma from being paraded around on TV because she was the first person to be cured of whatever the shit water sickness is

Her real name was Ruth, but once she started forgetting her parents (they basically ditched her anyways 😭) she started just using Noone as her real name

Master of inappropriately prolonged periods of intense eye contact

Really dislikes/is afraid of dolls/dummies because of what happened to Rusty/in JuJubee’s toyshop

Very untrusting of people post Nowhere abduction because of how Otto treated her and because of the ferryman. Plus basically every kid she met in TSON was met with a terrible fate (Goo kid is probably alive but she doesn’t know that)

Autism (all these children got some sort of neurodivergence though, I mean just look at them)

WORST BACKSEAT DRIVER EVER (ASKED TO LEAVE THE ROWBOAT)

Has a few scars on her face from her right before she had a seizure when getting clockwork oranged. She tried to take the mri suction thingies off her head but she ended up scratching up her face in her panic